0:00:02 > 0:00:05'We asked 500 unusual questions to thousands of British people.'
0:00:05 > 0:00:08It's like swallowing glitter and rainbows! Oh, my God!
0:00:08 > 0:00:11'The answers to those questions make up the Britain Unzipped Report.
0:00:11 > 0:00:16'Last week, we explored parental nudity with this girl's mother,
0:00:16 > 0:00:18'gave this man some "food for thought"...'
0:00:18 > 0:00:20GROANING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:21 > 0:00:25'..and Holly Willoughby shocked the nation with her potty mouth...'
0:00:25 > 0:00:28If I went home with a guy and he had shit-coloured sheets...
0:00:28 > 0:00:30'..shocking confessions...' Would you eat a human?
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Absolutely!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34- '..and drunken behaviour.' - ALL:- Yeah!
0:00:34 > 0:00:37'Tonight, we'll be looking at sex and dating...'
0:00:37 > 0:00:39- So was he going, "Dirty slag"? - "Dirty slag!"
0:00:39 > 0:00:42..and enlisting the help of Christine Bleakley...'
0:00:42 > 0:00:45I'm going out with a footballer - I don't want to know numbers!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48'..two innocent members of the public and our hidden cameras
0:00:48 > 0:00:52'to find out why we are all looking for love but just can't find it.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55'This is Britain Unzipped.'
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Hashtag "Amazeballs."
0:00:56 > 0:00:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:13 > 0:01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Welcome to Britain Unzipped. This is Russell Kane.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32And where are my crampons? Cos I've got altitude sickness.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34It's Greg James!
0:01:35 > 0:01:38And this is the show where we expose the real Britain
0:01:38 > 0:01:40and reveal that you lot are far from normal.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43We know that cos thousands of you answered questions
0:01:43 > 0:01:46that were personal, probing and absolutely none of our business.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49So what questions? "Do you fart during sex?"
0:01:49 > 0:01:52"Would you punch your boss in the face if you could get away with it?"
0:01:52 > 0:01:55"Have you ever gotten so drunk, you woke up not knowing where you were?"
0:01:55 > 0:01:58How about I did all three last weekend! You were there, dog, skin!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Yes!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Tonight, we'll examine the thorny and horny issue of sex and dating
0:02:03 > 0:02:05to find out whether you're all looking for love.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Or are you just using it as an excuse for some rumpy-pumpy?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Along the way, we'll reveal some information about ourselves, too,
0:02:12 > 0:02:16but, more excitingly, about our special guest - Christine Bleakley!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:18 > 0:02:19- Hello.- Hello, hello.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Good seeing you.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Welcome, welcome, welcome. - Thank you.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- Now, you filled out the Britain Unzipped Report.- I did.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31We'll discuss how normal you are compared to the rest of the country.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- Are you nervous? - Possibly a bit, yes,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36with slightly dirtier questions, but not to worry.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Don't worry - we won't humiliate or surprise you in any way(!)- We will.
0:02:39 > 0:02:44We're not alone tonight to discuss the answers to these questions.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46You think we have brought in some experts
0:02:46 > 0:02:49to table reasoned and rational discussion? Did we F!
0:02:49 > 0:02:52We invited this lost to watch the show instead.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:55 > 0:02:59And then we put the gobbiest and most opinionated ones over there,
0:02:59 > 0:03:00gave them a couple of...
0:03:00 > 0:03:01# Shots, shots, shots
0:03:01 > 0:03:04# Shots, shot, shots, everybody! #
0:03:04 > 0:03:06..just to loosen them up a bit.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- What just happened?!- I like it!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10That's the Unzipped Sample.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12We'll be hearing loads from them tonight.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Out of interest, how many of you have gone on a date to get laid?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- CHEERING - This is the best country ever!
0:03:18 > 0:03:19- Mm!- Best ever!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22And here's what else is coming up on Britain Unzipped tonight.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Men and women unzipped,
0:03:27 > 0:03:28a fashion disaster,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30a shocking revelation,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33and this hard-hitting interview...
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Are you luring ordinary men away from their homes just for booze?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39..are all heading your way in our weekly battle of the sexes.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42The office unzipped -
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Russell finds out why knocking out the boss
0:03:45 > 0:03:48and knocking one out in the bogs are top of our to-do list at work.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Can I suck you off?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Christine unzipped -
0:03:52 > 0:03:56it's time to do what we do best - question a celebrity's normality
0:03:56 > 0:03:58and interview them in a very intrusive manner.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Let's meet tonight's special guest.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Now, thank you for joining us.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I do have to offer a bit of a disclaimer.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11We'll ask you some questions.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14They're from the report - it's not us being weird.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16In case we ask too many questions about him later,
0:04:16 > 0:04:18can I say, as an Arsenal fan, um...
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Just end it there, shall we?
0:04:20 > 0:04:25No, can I say how delighted I am at Chelsea's success
0:04:25 > 0:04:28and Frank Lampard, your fiance's success,
0:04:28 > 0:04:32and all the best in Germany. Are you going to go and watch them lose?
0:04:32 > 0:04:35I'm hoping to, yeah, the Champions League final!
0:04:37 > 0:04:38You've done so many interviews,
0:04:38 > 0:04:41your questions are piercing and original,
0:04:41 > 0:04:44so the pressure is on for us to ask you some original questions.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Is there anything before I proceed that you don't want to talk about?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- There's...- Think carefully, because filth will come out of my mouth!
0:04:53 > 0:04:55I know.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- I'm expecting a bit of filth.- Good. Can we have more wine for Christine?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02She's expecting filth, ladies and gentlemen!
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Democratically elected filth!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07OK, well, let's get started.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11- It's time for your normality questions.- OK.- So here we go.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- We'll start with an easy one. Very simple.- Lovely.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Do you fart in front of Frank?
0:05:16 > 0:05:19I have absolutely no problem with breaking wind.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I could smell blow-off! I didn't want to say
0:05:21 > 0:05:23"I can smell blow-off!"
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Or indeed from a man with me, to be honest.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I just really... Any bodily function doesn't bother me at all.
0:05:29 > 0:05:34- Fine.- Sick, blow-offs, as you say, the whole works. I don't.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38I know I'm relatively unique in that. My friends are the opposite.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I had a discussion with my best mate today
0:05:40 > 0:05:42who was completely giving off about her husband,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45"He just farted in front of me, it's disgusting!"
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I don't get that. I don't have a problem with it.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I don't like it when it goes too far and one of you has a poo
0:05:50 > 0:05:52while the other one is in the bath
0:05:52 > 0:05:56and they're doing poo eyes while they're speaking, like that...
0:05:56 > 0:05:57"I've been under a lot of pressure!"
0:05:57 > 0:05:59"I'm under a STRAIN with the recession."
0:05:59 > 0:06:01That's just wrong.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- You wouldn't want to see Frank's poo eyes, would you?- No.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I've not really got a problem with the blow-off eyes!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Let me tell you, you are normal.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13- Yes! Really?- Completely normal.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Next one, have you used deodorant instead of showering?
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Yes. Often.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- So if I was watching on early-morning telly...- Oh, yeah.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23..would you be there, just stinking?
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Hopefully not stinky, but possibly unshowered.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Is that why Adrian Chiles always has that face?
0:06:28 > 0:06:29"You smell a bit...
0:06:29 > 0:06:31"Christine, you're stinking!"
0:06:33 > 0:06:37When the alarm goes at 3am, you don't want to get into any water
0:06:37 > 0:06:40at that stage, so a baby wipe... Does anybody ever do that?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- AUDIENCE:- Yeah.- Thank you.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44I thought only blokes did that -
0:06:44 > 0:06:46a gentleman's wash before an encounter!
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Although we're making fun, that is normal.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- Yeah, that's OK. - So smelly but normal.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Next one. Apart from the obvious, what do you do whilst on the toilet?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02What do I do? I have been known to be on the phone often.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04- Just doing a bit of admin? - Not talking, texting.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Don't use that voice function on the iPhone,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10it'll write, "Hello, how are YO-O-OU doing?"
0:07:10 > 0:07:13"I'm sorry, I don't understand."
0:07:13 > 0:07:16"Are you taking a dump?" "Yes, Siri."
0:07:16 > 0:07:20I thought that would be normal, cos women are multitaskers,
0:07:20 > 0:07:21but it's not normal -
0:07:21 > 0:07:24- Oh, really?- Sorry about that. - Oh, dear. OK.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Next, do you exercise to look good rather than feel healthy?
0:07:27 > 0:07:32I exercise just to feel good. It gives me a bit of energy, really.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33That is normal.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38- Only 30% of women said they exercise for aesthetic reasons.- Really?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- Yeah.- Oh, OK.- You know what we did before the show?- What?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Not that. Oh, there we are.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44CHRISTINE LAUGHS
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- We are massive fans of this. - Do you do it every day?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49We're buff because of this.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- Can you not tell? - My guns are bursting out of this!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- So this is your work-out DVD.- Yeah.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58And it is brilliant.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01We particularly liked the "kick-butt interval training."
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Yeah, it's great.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04And the "Bleakley Blaster."
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Someone said, "What will we call it?"
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- We needed alliteration. It was simple.- What is it?
0:08:11 > 0:08:17It involves lots of squats and it's all over in minutes
0:08:17 > 0:08:18and you get your daily workout.
0:08:18 > 0:08:23- This is our favourite bit. Look at this.- Oh, God.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24This is my favourite, actually,
0:08:24 > 0:08:26because it's over in four minutes.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Really push the tum.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Really push down to create that resistance.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I've got a bit of sweat right here on my nose.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37You should sweat - if you don't, you're not working hard enough!
0:08:37 > 0:08:40That's why we call that one the Bleakley Blaster.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Phew!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:44 > 0:08:49Now...we love the Bleakley Blaster.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52We really love the Bleakley Blaster.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- Have we got to do that? - But what is the towel bit?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57There is nothing worse than buying one of these DVDs
0:08:57 > 0:09:01and you have to buy weights and all that, so rather than a fancy band,
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- and bits that you have to get at the gym...- Just a towel.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08..you create resistance and really...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10I'm learning to do country dancing!
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Greg, do my leg while I watch!
0:09:14 > 0:09:16That is the cheating version, yeah.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Back to the questions. Next one.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26Picture the scene, a friend's sex video has been leaked online.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- Maybe Adrian Chiles.- Oh, God!
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- That's wrong. - Maybe Philip Schofield.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- Oh, no!- Holly Willoughby said she'd watch Philip Schofield's video.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- Would she?- Would you watch Adrian pounding away?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41LAUGHTER
0:09:41 > 0:09:43"Great!"
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- The answer is most certainly no. No! - With women, that is normal.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55So that's normal.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58If you don't know them, I don't care. If it's a mate, no.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01You like a bit of random porn, don't you?
0:10:01 > 0:10:05On your iPad in the dressing room. "Don't come in!"
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- Put the wet wipes down!- Oh!
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I'm having a shower!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Thank you very much for giving such honest answers.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16More importantly, for sharing them with the rest of the country.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19APPLAUSE
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Based on Christine's answers,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23we can give her an early normality rating, I think.
0:10:23 > 0:10:29The options are normal, odd, weird, insane, danger to society
0:10:29 > 0:10:32and Holly Willoughby.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- We are going with fairly odd. OK? - Fairly odd?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Which is more normal than last week's guest, Holly Willoughby,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41who we decided was borderline insane after her human flesh,
0:10:41 > 0:10:45naked parent and sex video revelations. WTF, Hols?!
0:10:45 > 0:10:48That rating could change throughout the show,
0:10:48 > 0:10:51especially once we've delved deeper into Christine's private life.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53To see how normal you are,
0:10:53 > 0:10:57check out Britain Unzipped on the BBC Three website.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59APPLAUSE
0:11:25 > 0:11:26FARTING SOUND
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Excuse me!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Still to come, we're taking our Unzipped cameras
0:11:37 > 0:11:39on a double date from hell
0:11:39 > 0:11:42to see how many turn-offs identified by our report
0:11:42 > 0:11:45can we throw at one poor victim... I mean, girl, sorry.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48We'll have some shocking revelations from celebs
0:11:48 > 0:11:49like Louie Spence and Joe Swash.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Do your Louie Spence thing. - Louie Spence is easy.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56It's just a velociraptor with a noise. Just gotta go... Kr-kr-kr...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00APPLAUSE Thank you.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Sounds quite fun, doesn't it? Time to play this...
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Over the course of the series, we will be using our audience
0:12:18 > 0:12:21to answer the most important question of all -
0:12:21 > 0:12:23who is best, girls or boys?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24When we got our results back,
0:12:24 > 0:12:29we discovered some very interesting differences between men and women.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- Such as, after white wine men are sane.- Yeah.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Representing men this week,
0:12:35 > 0:12:38he's 18, single and he's scared of sharks and cats,
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- please make some noise for Daniel! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Girls, please respond in a less aggressive but equally vocal manner,
0:12:46 > 0:12:49she is 19, she comes from Stoke, she wants to be a policewoman,
0:12:49 > 0:12:52she has a mole just here on the inside of her left thigh
0:12:52 > 0:12:54and she goes, "Oh, stop!" It's Annabelle.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:12:56 > 0:13:00OK. Let's find out some more about tonight's contestants.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I've some blokey questions for you, Daniel. Pippa or Kate?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Kate from the front, Pippa from behind.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- LAUGHTER - Oh, he is a lad!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- Got my eye on you, young man. - It is your turn, Annabelle.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Just cos you're a girl, it doesn't mean we have to stereotype you.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Sister, it is 2012! We'll hit you with a proper question.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21What's your favourite diet?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23LAUGHTER We're in spring, what d'you think?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Bold, multi-coloured stripes or spots?
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- What's the signature look, babe? - Stripes.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Babes! And do you fancy me?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35What about if everyone was dead and you were drunk?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Maybe a little bit!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- Yes, get in!- Ahead of us,
0:13:39 > 0:13:43we have some questions about the differences between men and women.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45You will need to write down your answer.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Whoever is closest wins the round and a prize.
0:13:47 > 0:13:52Daniel, you will choose from this selection of proper man prizes...
0:13:53 > 0:13:55We have boxing gloves, a fork for a barbecue,
0:13:55 > 0:13:59a "man" bowl, hedge-trimmer, remote-control car,
0:13:59 > 0:14:01water pistol and a tool belt.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:05 > 0:14:10You, AB, babes, you will be choosing from these girlie cliches...
0:14:10 > 0:14:14we've got a candle, hair straighteners, a hairdryer,
0:14:14 > 0:14:17two teddy bears so they can be friends, vanity case, rose wine,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20blow-up pillow, dressing gown and handbag.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:25 > 0:14:28I want to say something to everybody who took the time
0:14:28 > 0:14:31out of their sad little lives last week to take the piss
0:14:31 > 0:14:33out of the shirt I was wearing on last week's show.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35LAUGHTER
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Some said I looked like a lollipop.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43But also, Tinie Tempah liked it.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46What? He is the best-dressed man in the UK.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Tinie Tempah tweeted me this...
0:14:48 > 0:14:49He said...
0:14:55 > 0:14:57APPLAUSE
0:14:57 > 0:14:59So can I just say,
0:14:59 > 0:15:03one of the best-dressed men in the world thinks that shirt was good.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04A bittersweet victory because,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07if he took your shirt, he'd keep it at his aunt's house!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11So, all the doubters out there, up yours!
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- At least you are over it this week. - Totally over it.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Let's get started. And cue the subtle lighting change...
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- AUDIENCE:- Woo-oo!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- That was quite good. - Here's the first question.
0:15:23 > 0:15:2527% of women have got pissed
0:15:25 > 0:15:27and woken up without knowing where they are.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29What is the percentage for men?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Russell, maybe they've been drinking too many...
0:15:31 > 0:15:35# Shots, shots, shots, shots Everybody... #
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- Maybe, Greg. - Please write your answers down.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- I hate that feeling of not knowing. - Christine, when was the last time
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- you woke up drunk and confused? - Yesterday!
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- Ever been hungover on Daybreak? - Erm, no. No, no, no.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Ever been still drunk? Gone straight from the dance floor?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- Just a quick wet wipe and you went in.- You know me too well.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- Daniel, what have you written?- 88%, because if you turn it that way,
0:16:03 > 0:16:05it looks like two pairs of boobs.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I do not want to go through Daniel's hard drive!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- Annabelle, what have you got? - I've got 73%.
0:16:14 > 0:16:21Well, I can reveal that the correct answer is 47% of men have woken up
0:16:21 > 0:16:24and not known where they are. Annabelle, you win the prize.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Annabelle, have you woken up
0:16:29 > 0:16:31somewhere strange and not known where you've been?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Maybe!- Really?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Just on a girlie holiday.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38You woke up on a holiday and you weren't expecting...?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41No, we were on a girlie holiday. Then...
0:16:41 > 0:16:44You woke up in a boy's place and didn't know where you were.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Naughty girl!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- What about you, Greg? - Funny you should mention it.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- You know you called me the other day?- I do, Annabelle.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Flashback. Oooh!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56PHONE RINGS
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Russ, hi.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Um...
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I've no idea where I am.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13Um, give me an hour and I'll come and find you.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17I love you, too. OK.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23HE FARTS
0:17:47 > 0:17:52"Morning, Tiger, gone to work, let yourself out.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53"Love, Annabelle."
0:17:55 > 0:17:57MOUTHS: Annabelle?
0:17:58 > 0:18:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:04 > 0:18:08That was Greg in Annabelle's actual bedroom. Gutted!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I can't believe you lured one of Radio 1's brightest
0:18:10 > 0:18:14young talents back to your place and you've got a boyfriend!
0:18:14 > 0:18:16It will be our little secret.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Don't worry, I did not do any snooping.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- I completely stayed away from your wardrobe.- Not!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Yeah, not! I did loads of snooping.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08CHEERING
0:19:10 > 0:19:13APPLAUSE
0:19:18 > 0:19:20LAUGHTER
0:19:25 > 0:19:27PHONE RINGS
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Russ, hi. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I'm coming, I'm coming. It's just I don't know where I am.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Just having a look round.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39It's a tip in here, it's awful. Just a quickie.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43You weren't here as well, were you, last night?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Oh, thank God, it wasn't one of those. All right, see you soon.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Love you, bye-bye.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51CHEERING
0:19:51 > 0:19:53I'm sorry. I loved your flat, really.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58- You OK?- Yeah.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Very comfy bed, though.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- It is, yeah.- Very comfy, to be fair. - Yeah, I loved it.- What?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Right, our next question involves honesty in relationships
0:20:06 > 0:20:09and there's still everything to play for. Next one.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12What percentage of men would not tell their partner how many people
0:20:12 > 0:20:15they'd slept with? What do you reckon?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Whilst they're writing down their answers, you're welcome to
0:20:17 > 0:20:20start an argument at home, by turning to the person next to you
0:20:20 > 0:20:22and saying, "How many people have you banged?"
0:20:22 > 0:20:28Not if it's your nan! She might answer and you will puke!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Let's see what everyone's got. Time is up.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Stop bickering at home. Daniel?
0:20:33 > 0:20:36I've gone for a risky 99%.
0:20:36 > 0:20:3899% of men would lie. Annabelle?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- I wonder if she just wrote "Chlamydia".- 25%.
0:20:41 > 0:20:47I can reveal that the correct answer is 32% of men would lie
0:20:47 > 0:20:52about their sexual history, which means Annabelle wins!
0:20:52 > 0:20:55CHEERING
0:20:57 > 0:21:01Why might this be? Christine? I'll try and keep it subtle.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- All right.- How many have you banged?
0:21:04 > 0:21:07That question should never be had between a couple,
0:21:07 > 0:21:09it cannot happen.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13I'm going out with a footballer, I don't want to know numbers!
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Just chiselled out Roman numerals on a tablet!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19LAUGHTER
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Back to the game. Things couldn't be closer.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Our next question is this...
0:21:28 > 0:21:33- What do you reckon? What percentage? - Friends rather than their family.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- Family first.- Yeah.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38It's difficult for me because my family don't like me
0:21:38 > 0:21:40and I haven't got many friends.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43If only pets were in there!
0:21:43 > 0:21:44Time is up.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Daniel?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- 78.- 78% would rather be with their friends than their family.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Yeah, sorry.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- Annabelle?- 49.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57The percentage of men who would rather hang out with their mates
0:21:57 > 0:22:01than their family - included in that list is a newborn child
0:22:01 > 0:22:05or a sick and elderly relative - the answer is 40%.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Over ten million British men.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11I'm going to castrate myself off the back of that.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Annabelle, you have won that and a prize. Well done.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16CHEERING
0:22:16 > 0:22:18All joking aside,
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Friends really are important.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22I can't believe millions of men would choose their mates' company
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- over their own flesh and blood. - You can't argue with the report.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27I don't blame their friends.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30I think there's something more sinister and evil at large
0:22:30 > 0:22:34in society, which is dragging decent men away from their family duties.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Stay here. I'm going to check it out!
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Do some knob jokes or something!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48It could be wet out, I'll put my jacket on.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Cheers.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Evening.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Are you luring ordinary men away from their homes for booze?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- I don't know.- Back to you, Greg.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Wonderful.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43That is time none of us will get back. Thank you, Russell.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Here is the next question.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48We surveyed over 6,000 people and asked...
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Hold on. Take that. Shots.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Yeah!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Argh! I might be gay.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57What?!
0:23:57 > 0:24:01We surveyed over 6,000 people and asked women, have you ever signed up
0:24:01 > 0:24:04to a dating website whilst they were in a relationship?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06What percentage of women have done?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Why would you join a dating website if you are in a relationship already?
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- That's pure attention. - Would you?- No, never.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Never in a relationship!
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Daniel?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- Gone for 12.- 12%. Annabelle?
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Seven.
0:24:23 > 0:24:28I can reveal that the percentage of women who have done this is 8%.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Annabelle, quite clearly, wins the prize. Well done.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Daniel, you are single at the moment?- I am.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Would you ever consider online dating
0:24:39 > 0:24:43- like 18% of 18-25-year-olds have done?- Not to sound funny,
0:24:43 > 0:24:45but that is a bit creepy.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48We thought we would help you out with some on-air dating.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52We will help you get a girlfriend by in no way ripping off a popular
0:24:52 > 0:24:56Saturday night TV format. This is Take Daniel Out.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58CHEERING
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Let Danny see the fanny.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06It's more subtle than that.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11- Let the sausage see the batter. - Better?- Way better.- Good.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Could all the gobby girls stand up?
0:25:14 > 0:25:18We will reveal some facts about Daniel.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21If you do not like what you hear, we want you to sit down.
0:25:21 > 0:25:28- In other words, no fittee, then sittee!- That works.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32Fact one, Daniel is a print-room supervisor.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35AUDIENCE: Whoo!
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- What does that mean?- I push "print" on my printer.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- Oh, my God. So boring.- Oh!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42- So boring.- Thanks.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Any girls want to sit down after that?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Oh, no!
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Fact two. He still lives with his mum...
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- RUSSELL SNORTS - Don't. Wait!
0:25:54 > 0:25:56..but she has sent us this message.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Ooh, a message.
0:25:57 > 0:26:02If I could describe Daniel, apart from being my baby
0:26:02 > 0:26:08and my special boy, he is incredibly kind, he is generous, he is loving.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12He is very affectionate and he is always willing to give you a cuddle.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Dan is off to university and I'm so proud of him.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I'm going to miss him terribly,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21especially his I'm Sexy And I Know It dance,
0:26:21 > 0:26:24which needs to be seen to be believed.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28I don't think he'd have any problems with the ladies -
0:26:28 > 0:26:32my son happens to be quite well-endowed. He is a big boy.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Urgh!
0:26:34 > 0:26:35LAUGHER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Your mum has seen you erect!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51- Even I feel sick!- Wow!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Oh, my God.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00I nearly passed out when I heard that.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- You all right?- Can I go home?
0:27:03 > 0:27:07- No. No, you may not.- Unbelievable.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12Before we see if anyone is going to sit down, what is the LMFAO dance?
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- Shall we do it?- Do it! Do it! - Bastards!
0:27:15 > 0:27:17# Girl, look at that body
0:27:17 > 0:27:20# Girl, look at that body
0:27:20 > 0:27:24# Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body... #
0:27:24 > 0:27:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:27 > 0:27:32- Were you helicoptering?- A bit, yeah. - Please tell me that wasn't to scale
0:27:32 > 0:27:34or I'll kill myself.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38So, based on the evidence you have just heard,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40any girls want to sit down?
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Girls don't like big willies! Yes!
0:27:46 > 0:27:51- Why did you sit down?- His mum has seen him. It's a bit disgusting.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54You never seen your parents naked? Your mum's never walked in and said,
0:27:54 > 0:27:55"You're never to old to look at your vag, darling"?
0:27:55 > 0:27:57LAUGHTER
0:27:57 > 0:27:59If she did, I'd probably end up blind!
0:27:59 > 0:28:01Wouldn't be a great way to blind someone -
0:28:01 > 0:28:03"I look at your vulva, I cannot see any more!"
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Two left. I'll find out who they are.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11What's your name? How old are you, where are you from?
0:28:11 > 0:28:15- Becky, 19, from Bristol. - Becky, 19, from Bristol.
0:28:15 > 0:28:20- You are?- Nicole, 19, from Kent.- Who are you going to take out on a date?
0:28:20 > 0:28:25- Can I have both?- Don't sit down now! It's too late.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28- I'll go for you.- Aw. - Forgotten your name. Lovely.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30- Becky.- Come on, then.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Hold hands, like this, in a line.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39- Join hands.- There we go. Isn't that lovely?- You are both beautiful.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43We can't afford to pay for you to go on holiday to a fictional island.
0:28:43 > 0:28:48Instead, we are going to send you on an amazing date to the front row
0:28:48 > 0:28:50of the audience for the rest of tonight's show!
0:28:50 > 0:28:53CHEERING
0:28:53 > 0:28:55You can't hook up just yet.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58We need you back for the end of Man Versus Woman.
0:28:58 > 0:29:02We'll reunite you later. Now, you have to kiss to seal the deal.
0:29:02 > 0:29:03Kiss, kiss!
0:29:03 > 0:29:05Boner!
0:29:05 > 0:29:06He's got a boner!
0:29:06 > 0:29:11- I don't have a boner right now. - Thanks(!)
0:29:11 > 0:29:15- A semi.- I have a semi, everyone!
0:29:15 > 0:29:18You can sit down and wait till Daniel returns.
0:29:18 > 0:29:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:22 > 0:29:25Can anybody else remember what is going on here?
0:29:25 > 0:29:28- Is this still Britain Unzipped? - What is going on?
0:29:28 > 0:29:30I think we're OK. That was our final question.
0:29:30 > 0:29:32The winner of tonight's Man Versus Woman is...
0:29:32 > 0:29:34Annabelle!
0:29:34 > 0:29:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:37 > 0:29:42Which means, hang on a second, we have to get the star prize.
0:29:42 > 0:29:46- Look at that.- What is it? Looks like a speedboat for my cat!
0:29:48 > 0:29:50You can have that. It's a foot spa.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52Thank you!
0:29:55 > 0:29:59Daniel and Annabelle, thank you both for taking part.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01Enjoy your prizes. Thank you.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05We'll be giving away more prizes later
0:30:05 > 0:30:07when Christine uses her celebrity knowledge
0:30:07 > 0:30:11to win something for everyone here tonight.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13And we've got all this coming up too...
0:30:16 > 0:30:17Christine unzipped.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20More revelations from farting, non-showering,
0:30:20 > 0:30:23yet beautiful Miss Bleakley, coming right up.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26I can't get enough of that!
0:30:27 > 0:30:31Dating unzipped. We discover Britain's biggest turn-offs
0:30:31 > 0:30:33with the help of an excruciating blind date,
0:30:33 > 0:30:36a rat and a house rigged with hidden cameras.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39I could almost see your rat!
0:30:39 > 0:30:43Celebs unzipped - it's confession time. Stay tuned
0:30:43 > 0:30:44to find out if Tulisa, Louie and Joe
0:30:44 > 0:30:48have got anything to admit about porn, medical complaints
0:30:48 > 0:30:49and private parts.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52I'd say 100% yes!
0:30:57 > 0:31:00Ahh, look at our lovebirds!
0:31:00 > 0:31:02No snogging, please. I saw you try to lick her face.
0:31:02 > 0:31:06You can take part in Britain Unzipped by going online.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Check out bbc.co.uk/bbcthree to get your own personalised report
0:31:09 > 0:31:11and find out how normal you are.
0:31:11 > 0:31:14You'll find a few questions in there about work as well,
0:31:14 > 0:31:17because whilst our bosses may believe
0:31:17 > 0:31:18we're all happily doing our jobs,
0:31:18 > 0:31:20we're often thinking something very different
0:31:20 > 0:31:24as this pre-recorded segment so aptly demonstrates.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31Ahh, the workplace. Isn't it lovely? Yeah? Well, it makes us violent.
0:31:31 > 0:31:35In fact, even if it is a good job, 30% would like to punch our boss
0:31:35 > 0:31:37and smash up the office.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39I reckon it's a British thing.
0:31:39 > 0:31:40The more us Brits achieve,
0:31:40 > 0:31:44the more likely we are to have dark and weird thoughts.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46We love to see the negative, in amongst the positive.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49Look, it really is the finest office in the whole of Kensington!
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Really? What a shame I just punched a hole in the screen.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57It turns out that gingers, or "rusty wrong 'uns", as I like to call them,
0:31:57 > 0:32:00are the most likely to get violent in the workplace.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04And Scottish people are the most likely to be unhappy in their jobs.
0:32:04 > 0:32:09Given that everyone in Scotland is both ginger and angry,
0:32:09 > 0:32:12how the heck do they get anything done?
0:32:12 > 0:32:15Andrew, I've got a wee jobbie for you.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17I'll take you out.
0:32:17 > 0:32:21I will stamp on your face and caber your spleen.
0:32:23 > 0:32:27- We love...- Wanker!- Whatever! We love banging at work, especially men.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29In fact, men are 35% more likely
0:32:29 > 0:32:32to sleep with someone influential at work
0:32:32 > 0:32:35if I meant getting a promotion. And that is a fact.
0:32:35 > 0:32:40- I really need this job, Barry. - Sorry, Darren, you're not qualified.
0:32:40 > 0:32:41Can I suck you off?
0:32:45 > 0:32:46We love fibbing as well,
0:32:46 > 0:32:49with vegetarians twice as likely to lie on their CV.
0:32:49 > 0:32:52That's if they can lift their pen, to scrawl their lies.
0:32:52 > 0:32:58Help me! My Quorn arm isn't strong enough to write down eight A-levels.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03'The Scotch egg has to be the worst snack for a vegetarian.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06'Philosophically, it's the most evil food,
0:33:06 > 0:33:10'cos it's got death on the outside and the potential for life within.'
0:33:14 > 0:33:15'We love wanking at work.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17'One-fifth of all people in the South West
0:33:17 > 0:33:19'have knocked one out in the office.'
0:33:19 > 0:33:20The figures are in!
0:33:20 > 0:33:23Let's go through them while you look at pictures of my cousins,
0:33:23 > 0:33:25- then eat a Ginsters. - I'll be in the toilet.
0:33:30 > 0:33:31Thank you, Russell!
0:33:31 > 0:33:33So, according to our report,
0:33:33 > 0:33:34the workplace is a seething arena
0:33:34 > 0:33:36of repressed violence and sexual tension.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39I imagine much like working On Dancing On Ice.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Yeah, just with sequins on top!
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Our report says that 31% of us have slept with a colleague,
0:33:45 > 0:33:47but only 17% of us have used a dating website.
0:33:47 > 0:33:49This must be because shagging someone at work
0:33:49 > 0:33:52is a lot easier than trying to find "the one".
0:33:52 > 0:33:56Dating comes with the constant risk of total humiliation, of course.
0:33:56 > 0:33:57Who's Lara?
0:33:57 > 0:33:59(WEST COUNTRY ACCENT) If I do that accent,
0:33:59 > 0:34:02it might help you remember your story?
0:34:02 > 0:34:07- Yeah.- Tell us what happened. - Well, I was seeing this guy and...
0:34:07 > 0:34:10- Sort of seeing him? You were stalking him?- No.
0:34:10 > 0:34:17- And then the first time we had a sexy time...- Sexy time.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21..he decided to attempt some sort of insulting dirty talk.
0:34:21 > 0:34:25- What's wrong with that? - Usually, not too much.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28But when it's just shouting "dirty slag" at the person,
0:34:28 > 0:34:30it's not great.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34- Especially in his Bristolian accent. - Go on.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37It comes out like "dirty s-l-a-a-g".
0:34:37 > 0:34:40- So, was he going, "You dirty slaaag?" - Yeah, pretty much.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42I just burst into laughter
0:34:42 > 0:34:46and I couldn't get the thought of farmer porn out of my head.
0:34:46 > 0:34:50Christine, can you top that as a dating disaster?
0:34:50 > 0:34:52- I knew you were going to say that. - Can you?
0:34:52 > 0:34:55The problem is - and girls, in retrospect, maybe you'll agree -
0:34:55 > 0:34:58you have to choose so carefully beforehand
0:34:58 > 0:35:00to prevent those situations.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02Sometimes you think, "I will go along with it."
0:35:02 > 0:35:06Then you know it is not going to go anywhere. That's our problem.
0:35:06 > 0:35:10We are nice. Girls are nice. They give boys like you a chance, Greg.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13- OK.- And then possibly it ends up like that.
0:35:13 > 0:35:17- How did you and Frank meet? - We met at an awards ceremony
0:35:17 > 0:35:19his chat-up line was...
0:35:19 > 0:35:21- "Dirty s-l-a-a-g!" - "Dirty s-l-a-a-g!"
0:35:24 > 0:35:29It wasn't, thankfully! "You're that bird off The One Show?"
0:35:29 > 0:35:33# Doo-do-doodle-doodle-doo! # I would have done that!
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Would you? There you go. So that was it.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39The rest is history. So romantic.
0:35:39 > 0:35:4265% of women reckon that love at first sight does exist.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44I do agree with that.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48Not to say it might last, but it certainly is there to begin with.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50- Is that an exclusive?- No.
0:35:50 > 0:35:54That was quite a sweet bit. It is up to Russell to lower the tone.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57That sounds like a good reason to keep dating,
0:35:57 > 0:36:00cos you never know when that special person might be out there.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04Although that probably wasn't the case for the poor bloke
0:36:04 > 0:36:07that went on a date with Nadia.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10Nadia, for some reason, you are about to tell us what happened.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14God. It wasn't even a date. It was my ex-boyfriend.
0:36:14 > 0:36:21- You can go on a date with your boyfriend.- We weren't dating...
0:36:21 > 0:36:26- He was a shag buddy?- No, he was my boyfriend at the time!
0:36:26 > 0:36:29- We were just getting to "sexy time".- What happened?
0:36:29 > 0:36:32Cos he was like one of my first boyfriends,
0:36:32 > 0:36:35I wasn't sure what was happening down there.
0:36:35 > 0:36:39What do you mean? He stuck it in your belly button?!
0:36:39 > 0:36:43- No, it was in the right place! - Oh, it was in your bum?!
0:36:46 > 0:36:48- What?!- No, it wasn't!
0:36:49 > 0:36:52Something was going on. I couldn't - I didn't know at the time.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56I was so much younger. I wasn't sure what the feeling was.
0:36:56 > 0:37:00I went with it. And I urinated instead of orgasmed.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02I thought I was incontinent and I wasn't.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05You weed on him?
0:37:06 > 0:37:07The lucky bastard!
0:37:10 > 0:37:12I don't think he felt like that. He's got, like, OCD.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16- You thought this must be an orgasm? - I just thought this must be it.
0:37:16 > 0:37:20No, it's not. Yeah, it was all going on down there.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23They are different. Why don't you come see the Doctor later?
0:37:25 > 0:37:28The question is, why do so many dates end in disaster?
0:37:28 > 0:37:32Is it that difficult for two people to meet and just have a nice time?
0:37:32 > 0:37:36- Vanessa, hi.- Hi. - Can I just squeeze in here, please?
0:37:36 > 0:37:42Now, you run... Ooh, this is cosy! You run a blog. What's it called?
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- Nightmares and Boners. - Nightmares and Boners.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47So, according to our report,
0:37:47 > 0:37:5134% of men under 35 have used online dating just for sex.
0:37:51 > 0:37:53- Is that your experience?- Definitely.
0:37:53 > 0:37:57My profile doesn't really have anything about sex on it at all.
0:37:57 > 0:38:01- I get messages saying things like, "You look like a dirty slut."- What?
0:38:01 > 0:38:04- "Can I tie you up tonight?" - I'd just go for a laugh.
0:38:04 > 0:38:05LAUGHTER
0:38:05 > 0:38:09- They're probably like a murderer or a rapist!- That would be terrible.
0:38:09 > 0:38:10Yeah. LAUGHTER
0:38:10 > 0:38:11Keep it light.
0:38:11 > 0:38:14Whatever we learn tonight, there is always the chance
0:38:14 > 0:38:18that something will happen on a date that you just can't predict.
0:38:18 > 0:38:2014% of us have experienced
0:38:20 > 0:38:22a sex injury.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24For those of you watching the show last week,
0:38:24 > 0:38:27you'll be excited to know Adam's back, ladies and gentlemen!
0:38:27 > 0:38:28Here he is. CHEERING
0:38:31 > 0:38:34Now, last week you told us a terrifying story
0:38:34 > 0:38:38involving vomit and oral sex, um...
0:38:38 > 0:38:42It's what the iPlayer's for if you haven't seen it! Do look it up
0:38:42 > 0:38:46or google "vomit knob Adam". LAUGHTER
0:38:46 > 0:38:49Apparently, you've got a good sex injury story. What happened, man?
0:38:49 > 0:38:53- Yeah, I got introduced to this lad by a mutual friend.- Mmm.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57We were, like, talking upstairs. Went down to the bedroom.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00- Started passionate cuddling. - Passionately cuddling.
0:39:00 > 0:39:05I'll have to remember that one. "Can I have a magic cuddle, please?"
0:39:05 > 0:39:10- I ended up tearing the banjo on his dick.- Hang on, hang on, hang on.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13He bled and bled and bled and bled
0:39:13 > 0:39:16and two female paramedics turned up and gave us some bandages.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19On another first date, you threw up into a man's genitals
0:39:19 > 0:39:23- and then you broke another one's willy.- Yeah.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25Do you think you might be a bit rubbish at being gay?
0:39:25 > 0:39:27- Er... - LAUGHTER
0:39:27 > 0:39:33Last week he was the knob sicker and, this week, the banjo snapper.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36- Two nicknames, what's better?- Next week, he'll set his balls on fire.
0:39:36 > 0:39:39Will we watch? LAUGHTER
0:39:39 > 0:39:41If that doesn't put you off dating for life
0:39:41 > 0:39:42or LIFE for life, nothing will.
0:39:42 > 0:39:44Christine, I'm sorry you had to hear that.
0:39:44 > 0:39:47Thank you for your confessions tonight.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50To make up for your sadness and the terrifying dating experiences,
0:39:50 > 0:39:53please give yourselves a sympathetic round of applause.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55APPLAUSE
0:39:55 > 0:39:59How normal are you? Are you quirky? Boring? Or gaga?
0:39:59 > 0:40:02Check out Britain Unzipped on the BBC Three website.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04By answering our questions,
0:40:04 > 0:40:06find out how your social life, work life
0:40:06 > 0:40:09and sex life compare to the rest of Britain.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11We'll provide you with a personalised report.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13It's up to you whether you share it with your friends
0:40:13 > 0:40:15or keep it as our little secret.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Go to...
0:40:24 > 0:40:27It is now time for a date with a difference.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29We have all got things that put us off
0:40:29 > 0:40:32when meeting someone for the first time.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36- I hate it when the girl doesn't turn up!- That is a wounder.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38Thanks to the Britain Unzipped Report,
0:40:38 > 0:40:39we can reveal the list of biggest turn-offs.
0:40:39 > 0:40:43They include poor hygiene, evidence of drugs and pornography
0:40:43 > 0:40:45and anyone still living with their parents. Great list.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48If you're sitting there unscrubbed with a reefer in your mouth,
0:40:48 > 0:40:51knocking one out while your mum says, "I love you, son",
0:40:51 > 0:40:54and you say, "Get out my room!" you're probably not much of a catch.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57We wanted to see what would happen if everything on that list
0:40:57 > 0:41:01and a few surprises cropped up at the same time on a blind date.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Who could we persuade to go through with such an horrific thing?
0:41:04 > 0:41:08I have no idea. Oh, actually I do. Please welcome Zoe and Angela.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:13 > 0:41:15Now, Zoe is here tonight
0:41:15 > 0:41:18because she was stitched up by her best mate, Angela.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20Zoe, is Angela still your best mate?
0:41:20 > 0:41:24I'll reassess the situation tomorrow!
0:41:24 > 0:41:26Why did you volunteer Zoe to be our victim?
0:41:26 > 0:41:30Because she is so much fun and she is so nice.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33I just wondered how far we could push her
0:41:33 > 0:41:36before she snapped and turned into a crazy woman.
0:41:36 > 0:41:39Is she that type that's so polite she puts up with anything on a date?
0:41:39 > 0:41:41- Yes, very much so.- Or desperate.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45- That's it!- Fortunately, Zoe did not let us down.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47Our hidden cameras were there to film everything
0:41:47 > 0:41:50and see how much she would put up with.
0:41:50 > 0:41:53Welcome to the filthiest house in Worcester.
0:41:53 > 0:41:58As 59% of women would do a runner if a date's house was a filth-pit,
0:41:58 > 0:42:01the perfect place for our blind date with a difference.
0:42:01 > 0:42:05It's home to Spencer, an actor, who's going to take arrogance
0:42:05 > 0:42:08to a whole new level when he meets Zoe for the very first time.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10Apart from Spencer's attitude problem,
0:42:10 > 0:42:12we've got a few surprises lined up for Zoe,
0:42:12 > 0:42:15identified by our report as dating disasters
0:42:15 > 0:42:19and all captured by cameras hidden in these household objects.
0:42:19 > 0:42:20DOORBELL RINGS
0:42:20 > 0:42:23Remember, Zoe's best mate Angela has set her up for this.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25So she's come along to do the introductions.
0:42:25 > 0:42:29Anyway, back to the date and Spencer's out to impress.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31- What can I get you?- A wine, please, if that's all right?- Yeah.
0:42:31 > 0:42:36He's wasting no time and neither are we. Let's get rid of Angela.
0:42:36 > 0:42:38We've got her boyfriend to ring with an excuse
0:42:38 > 0:42:40to get her out of the house for a while.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43Off she goes, leaving Zoe all alone,
0:42:43 > 0:42:45but she'll be fine with Spencer
0:42:45 > 0:42:47and his small-talk/casual chauvinism.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49- So what do you do?- I work in IT.
0:42:49 > 0:42:53- Do you? I thought that was a man's job.- It is.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55SHE LAUGHS
0:42:55 > 0:42:57- Sounds boring.- It's all right.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00Oh, God, sorry, I reek! SHE LAUGHS
0:43:00 > 0:43:04I haven't had a chance to have a shower since I went to the gym.
0:43:04 > 0:43:07He's a spray cleaner. Classic Spencer!
0:43:07 > 0:43:09I'll get some snacks.
0:43:09 > 0:43:14- I'm sure you're a girl who doesn't refuse food.- No, I, you know...
0:43:14 > 0:43:18- KNOCK AT DOOR - Is that your door?
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Can you grab that?
0:43:20 > 0:43:21Can anyone smell drugs?
0:43:21 > 0:43:23- Who is it?- Carlos.- Carlos? - Oh, shit, sorry.
0:43:23 > 0:43:27Aha! Thought so. while some men say it with flowers,
0:43:27 > 0:43:30Spencer wants to say it with Class As on this date!
0:43:30 > 0:43:32How romantic(!)
0:43:32 > 0:43:35- Here's your shit. - Man, that is amazing.
0:43:35 > 0:43:38Even though Zoe is totally unaware of what is going on here,
0:43:38 > 0:43:4274% of women would bolt at clear signs of drug use.
0:43:42 > 0:43:46- Zoe?- Yeah.- Is there any money in the drawers there?
0:43:48 > 0:43:51- Yes.- How much? - On top of your porn mags?
0:43:51 > 0:43:56So the drugs don't work in putting her nose out of JOINT
0:43:56 > 0:43:58and neither do Spencer's jazz mags.
0:43:58 > 0:44:02More than half of women would be out of the door at this point.
0:44:02 > 0:44:04Don't worry about that. Cheers.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09- Cheers, mate. - Thank you. Have a good night.
0:44:09 > 0:44:13- Sorry about that. Don't know what they were.- Hello!
0:44:15 > 0:44:17- See this? That's my dad's. - She's a bit old, isn't she?
0:44:17 > 0:44:19That's mine. That's my dad's.
0:44:19 > 0:44:2323% of women would be put off if someone lived with their parents,
0:44:23 > 0:44:26even if they didn't share porn with their dad. Gross!
0:44:26 > 0:44:29What must Zoe be thinking? I know what Spencer's thinking -
0:44:29 > 0:44:32that Carlos guy has ripped him off...
0:44:32 > 0:44:33Oh, Carlos, shit!
0:44:33 > 0:44:36..which could be a good reason for getting him out the house.
0:44:36 > 0:44:39That leaves Zoe alone so Angela can get us an update
0:44:39 > 0:44:42from her hiding place opposite the house.
0:44:42 > 0:44:47- Hello.- Sorry, I'm taking longer than expected.- OK.- You all right?- Mmm.
0:44:47 > 0:44:50- Yeah?- You like him?- No.- No?
0:44:50 > 0:44:52THEY LAUGH
0:44:52 > 0:44:53Geez!
0:44:53 > 0:44:55Anyway, he's back, all guns blazing.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57You all right?
0:44:57 > 0:44:59This time, will he push things too far?
0:44:59 > 0:45:02- I've a surprise for you.- Really?
0:45:02 > 0:45:06Ah! He's going to try wooing her with his cute pet.
0:45:06 > 0:45:10While 19% of women find a partner with too many pets a turn-off,
0:45:10 > 0:45:13Spencer should be fine, he only has one - a rat!
0:45:13 > 0:45:16Time to meet Mr Tiddles!
0:45:16 > 0:45:18- He doesn't bite, does he? - No, he don't bite.
0:45:18 > 0:45:23It's time for me to get my rat out! Squeak!
0:45:23 > 0:45:27Whoo! We lost him. I could almost see your rat!
0:45:27 > 0:45:28GROANING FROM AUDIENCE
0:45:28 > 0:45:30I've got big pants on. I'll be all right.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32Not big enough.
0:45:32 > 0:45:36Dirty porn and a filthy rat haven't shaken her.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Make yourself at home.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40HE GROANS WITH EFFORT
0:45:40 > 0:45:44I'm going upstairs for you. SHE LAUGHS
0:45:44 > 0:45:47Wait a minute, she's finally given a look.
0:45:47 > 0:45:52It is time to go in for a kill, a slapstick on the stairs might help.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54HE FALLS DOWNSTAIRS
0:45:54 > 0:45:57- It's all right.- You all right? - I knew they were there!
0:45:57 > 0:45:59Smooth(!)
0:45:59 > 0:46:02We should have a kiss now.
0:46:02 > 0:46:05Like, I'm only going to be wondering what it is going to be like later.
0:46:05 > 0:46:07He is going for it.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10Will Zoe be interested in getting jiggy on the first date
0:46:10 > 0:46:12like 57% of women?
0:46:12 > 0:46:16You are fit, apart from your cheap tattoos. You are fit.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Leave my tatts alone.
0:46:18 > 0:46:23- You weren't drunk when you got them done?- No.- Sorry for being forward.
0:46:23 > 0:46:24That's all right.
0:46:24 > 0:46:27- It is just...- It's just?
0:46:27 > 0:46:30You are so fit! So fit!
0:46:32 > 0:46:36Tattoos are shit, but you are bang tidy!
0:46:37 > 0:46:40I think it is time to put the poor girl out of her misery.
0:46:40 > 0:46:41Not kill her.
0:46:41 > 0:46:45Let's bring back Angela and the Britain Unzipped camera crew...
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Here they are, the nerds.
0:46:47 > 0:46:51..to explain that this horrible mess of a date was not real at all.
0:46:51 > 0:46:52Thank God for that.
0:46:59 > 0:47:01Where do we begin?
0:47:01 > 0:47:05That makes me look really desperate, like I'd put up with anything!
0:47:05 > 0:47:09- Why didn't you run out?- Politeness. - Would you have snogged him?
0:47:09 > 0:47:13- The majority of women would snog a guy to get rid of him.- No way.
0:47:13 > 0:47:15What was the thing that would go, "I'm going now."
0:47:15 > 0:47:18- I was just trying to be polite. - I was outside, just waiting.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20The porn in the drawer, what did you think?
0:47:20 > 0:47:26That didn't bother me. It was more, "Shall we have a snog?"
0:47:26 > 0:47:29I was cringing, thinking, "Oh, God, help," you know.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31Has it put you off dating forever?
0:47:31 > 0:47:33Yeah, I'm quite happy being a singleton, to be honest.
0:47:33 > 0:47:35Angela, thank you very much for setting Zoe up.
0:47:35 > 0:47:38But more importantly, thank you, Zoe,
0:47:38 > 0:47:40for being just too nice, way too nice.
0:47:40 > 0:47:42- An amazing date. Thank you. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:47:44 > 0:47:46In the North East,
0:47:46 > 0:47:4921% of people have seriously injured themselves getting jiggy.
0:47:49 > 0:47:54A third of people in the Midlands lie about their sex life.
0:47:54 > 0:47:55So half of Birmingham could have done something
0:47:55 > 0:47:58painful in the bedroom and we just wouldn't know!
0:47:58 > 0:48:01Shame that East Anglian men didn't think about lying.
0:48:02 > 0:48:06We can reveal that they are the least well-endowed in Britain.
0:48:13 > 0:48:16Tonight, we've learned what the great British public think,
0:48:16 > 0:48:18but now it is time to clamber on to the red carpet to find out
0:48:18 > 0:48:20what goes on in the heads of celebrities.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23And who better to get us into the VIP section than Christine Bleakley!
0:48:23 > 0:48:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:28 > 0:48:30Christine, it's time to find out
0:48:30 > 0:48:32exactly what you know about your fellow celebs.
0:48:32 > 0:48:35This is our Celebs Unzipped Board. There it is.
0:48:39 > 0:48:41As you can see, there are some beautiful celebrity faces
0:48:41 > 0:48:44bearing down on you from that board. Pick one of the squares,
0:48:44 > 0:48:47answer a question about that celebrity
0:48:47 > 0:48:50- and all the questions are related to the stats we uncovered.- OK.
0:48:50 > 0:48:52Now, if you get enough questions right,
0:48:52 > 0:48:56you'll win something for everyone in this audience.
0:48:56 > 0:48:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:59 > 0:49:01No pressure!
0:49:01 > 0:49:06But fail and you will be smeared with the sticky globules of shame.
0:49:06 > 0:49:08SHE LAUGHS
0:49:08 > 0:49:11Last week's prize was the drink that according to our report
0:49:11 > 0:49:14was Britain's favourite alcoholic beverage - beer!
0:49:14 > 0:49:15- Beer!- Yes! Smashed off!
0:49:15 > 0:49:18The bad news is that last week's audience were alcoholics
0:49:18 > 0:49:20so we haven't got any beer left.
0:49:20 > 0:49:21No. But the good news is...
0:49:21 > 0:49:24# Shot, shot, shot! Everybody! #
0:49:24 > 0:49:26Not really, we can't.
0:49:26 > 0:49:28We are not - we are giving away
0:49:28 > 0:49:32- Britain's second-favourite alcoholic drink, which is wine.- Yeah.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:49:34 > 0:49:39Don't panic, we will administer it in the form of...
0:49:39 > 0:49:44- # Shots, shots, shots. Everybody! # - So...
0:49:45 > 0:49:47I can't get enough of that.
0:49:47 > 0:49:50One shots!
0:49:50 > 0:49:52Shots on target! Frank!
0:49:52 > 0:49:54- LAUGHTER - OK.
0:49:54 > 0:49:56- So the pressure is very much on. - I am feeling it.
0:49:56 > 0:50:00Can we have some tense and overly dramatic music, please?
0:50:04 > 0:50:09That will do. Christine, pick your first celebrity, please.
0:50:09 > 0:50:14- I have to go Frank Lampard. - Frank Lampard.
0:50:15 > 0:50:20Your fiance, Frank Lampard is under 35 and comes from the South East.
0:50:20 > 0:50:24But what percentage of other under 35-year-olds from the South East
0:50:24 > 0:50:28said they would give their partner a boob job if they could?
0:50:28 > 0:50:32Was it 52% or 27%?
0:50:32 > 0:50:3352? 52. 52.
0:50:33 > 0:50:36AUDIENCE SHOUT OUT
0:50:37 > 0:50:38- 52.- 52.
0:50:38 > 0:50:40Why do you think it so high?
0:50:40 > 0:50:42Because I have watched The Only Way Is Essex!
0:50:42 > 0:50:43LAUGHTER
0:50:43 > 0:50:44Shut up!
0:50:48 > 0:50:50- That's a good answer. - Let's have a look.
0:50:51 > 0:50:52Yes!
0:50:56 > 0:51:00- Frank's never asked you to modify any part of your body, has he?- No.
0:51:00 > 0:51:02Maybe behind closed doors to his mates but not to my face.
0:51:02 > 0:51:07- It would be great if women had a tail.- What?!- Sorry.
0:51:07 > 0:51:08That is just you!
0:51:08 > 0:51:10That is just you.
0:51:10 > 0:51:13- Christine, pick another.- Lovely Joe.
0:51:17 > 0:51:218% of people have a nickname for their private parts.
0:51:21 > 0:51:24But do you think Joe Swash does?
0:51:24 > 0:51:26I would say 100% yes! Yes.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Yes, yes, yes. Definitely, definitely.
0:51:28 > 0:51:31Let's have a look.
0:51:31 > 0:51:35I have got a name for my little willy
0:51:35 > 0:51:36and it is Alfie.
0:51:36 > 0:51:39I don't know why it's called Alfie.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43Someone called him it years ago. It's just stuck.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49Someone?
0:51:49 > 0:51:53Someone and years ago. How dark is that story?
0:51:53 > 0:51:55That's just stuck. Alfie. OK.
0:51:55 > 0:51:58You don't have a nickname for your...
0:52:01 > 0:52:05The captain is ready for service!
0:52:06 > 0:52:10- No.- OK. Maybe choose another one.
0:52:10 > 0:52:15- Louie.- Krrr! LAUGHTER
0:52:22 > 0:52:25We asked Krrr what he was most scared of.
0:52:25 > 0:52:28What did Louie Spence say he was most scared of?
0:52:28 > 0:52:33A famous male celebrity or an embarrassing medical complaint?
0:52:33 > 0:52:35Oh, goodness.
0:52:35 > 0:52:38I'm thinking celebrity.
0:52:38 > 0:52:39- Medical!- Do you?
0:52:39 > 0:52:41Medical?
0:52:41 > 0:52:44- Who thinks celebrity? - AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:52:44 > 0:52:46Celebrity.
0:52:46 > 0:52:48Let's have a look.
0:52:48 > 0:52:49What am I most scared of?
0:52:49 > 0:52:51My haemorrhoids coming back.
0:52:55 > 0:52:57You can always rely on him.
0:52:57 > 0:53:02Shots, shots, shots, shots. Wow.
0:53:02 > 0:53:03You have to get some more right.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07- Pick another one.- Tulisa. - OK, Tulisa.
0:53:08 > 0:53:12Take a look at this video. Don't panic! Not that one!
0:53:14 > 0:53:15Have a look at this.
0:53:15 > 0:53:19# Forgive us for what we have done
0:53:19 > 0:53:22# Cos we are, we are, we are
0:53:23 > 0:53:26# I said forgive us for what we have done
0:53:26 > 0:53:30# Cos we are, we are, we are young. #
0:53:34 > 0:53:36That was from her new video Suck Me Off!
0:53:40 > 0:53:42In the words of Tulisa,
0:53:42 > 0:53:45"We are young, forgive us for what we have done."
0:53:45 > 0:53:49We asked British men how often they watch porn on a computer.
0:53:49 > 0:53:55Did 3% or 9% say they watched it several times a day?
0:53:55 > 0:53:57- AUDIENCE SHOUTS - 9.
0:53:57 > 0:53:59- Several times a day.- 9%.
0:53:59 > 0:54:03I thought it would have been more. 9%.
0:54:03 > 0:54:05Let's find out.
0:54:07 > 0:54:08Yes!
0:54:10 > 0:54:12Is that it?
0:54:14 > 0:54:18Christine, if you get one more right, you get the prize.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20I will go for you, Russ.
0:54:20 > 0:54:21You've picked me.
0:54:21 > 0:54:23I cannot ask about myself because of BBC regulations.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25I must pass to Greg.
0:54:27 > 0:54:28LAUGHTER
0:54:28 > 0:54:31That's those gay rumours extinguished.
0:54:33 > 0:54:36We asked Russell this question:
0:54:36 > 0:54:38Tell us about your first proper kiss.
0:54:38 > 0:54:39Oh, no.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42But how did he answer.
0:54:42 > 0:54:47Did he say, "Oh, my God, it was like swallowing glitter and rainbows"?
0:54:51 > 0:54:55Or did he say, "It was like licking my aunt's face"?
0:54:55 > 0:54:59- That's me, is it?- What was it?
0:54:59 > 0:55:03That glittery, rainbow thing that you said.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05HE MIMICS RUSSELL
0:55:05 > 0:55:08- I'm not that camp!- Oh, babes, oh.
0:55:08 > 0:55:11LAUGHTER
0:55:11 > 0:55:12You bastard!
0:55:12 > 0:55:15You know I've got low self-esteem.
0:55:15 > 0:55:16Well, it was a long time.
0:55:16 > 0:55:19I nearly had my first kiss with my first-ever girlfriend
0:55:19 > 0:55:22when I was 13, but I got dumped because I had my braces in
0:55:22 > 0:55:26- and I didn't have the courage to kiss her.- Ohh!
0:55:26 > 0:55:27It went on until I was 17.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29We were at a party
0:55:29 > 0:55:33and I finally got the courage, after some shots, to kiss this girl.
0:55:33 > 0:55:35It had been four years of famine.
0:55:35 > 0:55:38I had been milking myself into a skeleton.
0:55:42 > 0:55:45After the famine, I kissed this girl, right,
0:55:45 > 0:55:48and I was so happy that I cried in the car on the way home.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52That's a true story.
0:55:52 > 0:55:54It was like glitter and rainbows, it was amazing.
0:55:54 > 0:55:55You've won, yes!
0:55:58 > 0:56:02- Come over here.- Thank you very much. - Congratulations, Christine.
0:56:02 > 0:56:06Thanks to you, everyone in here tonight wins the wine!
0:56:06 > 0:56:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:56:09 > 0:56:11That's all we have time for on Britain Unzipped.
0:56:11 > 0:56:13A massive thank you to Christine Bleakley.
0:56:13 > 0:56:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:56:16 > 0:56:19Thank you to Daniel and his new girlfriend, also Annabelle
0:56:19 > 0:56:22and Zoe for being such a good sport.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24We will be back next week with more strange findings.
0:56:24 > 0:56:27You can go online at any time to complete your own
0:56:27 > 0:56:28Britain Unzipped Report.
0:56:28 > 0:56:31Go to bbc.co.uk/bbcthree
0:56:31 > 0:56:34Go to Britain Unzipped and see how normal you are.
0:56:34 > 0:56:38- Thank you for watching.- Goodbye!
0:56:38 > 0:56:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:56:45 > 0:56:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd