0:00:02 > 0:00:06We asked 500 unusual questions to thousands of British people.
0:00:06 > 0:00:11The answers to those questions make up the Britain Unzipped report.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Previously, with the help of our stunning celebrity guests,
0:00:14 > 0:00:19we've downed some booze, we've got all lovey-dovey...
0:00:19 > 0:00:21- When did you lose your virginity? - LAUGHTER
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Thrown a massive party and gone back to school.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28- They'd have, like, boots and shorts days.- This is the best school ever!
0:00:28 > 0:00:33Tonight, we will be hanging out with Charlie Brooks and Tinchy Stryder.
0:00:33 > 0:00:38And finding out why we are obsessed with beauty and looking good.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41- I'm deciding which dress to wear. - Which one comes off easiest?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44This is Britain Unzipped.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Stop ruining my childhood!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Welcome to Britain Unzipped! This is Russell Bilbo Baggins Kane!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22And this is Greg Frost Giant James!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25CHEERS AND WHISTLES
0:01:26 > 0:01:29And this is the show that kicks open the door to your brains.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32And stands there shouting, "What the hell is going on in there?"
0:01:32 > 0:01:35With the help of the Britain Unzipped report,
0:01:35 > 0:01:38we are putting behaviour under the microscope
0:01:38 > 0:01:41because the special guests are Charlie Brooks and Tinchy Stryder!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- Welcome to Britain Unzipped. - Thanks.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- You good?- Yeah.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- Do you watch the show? - Yeah, I watched a little something.
0:01:59 > 0:02:05- Did you like it?- I liked what I saw. I was a bit worried.- Yeah?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07- What about?- About, I dunno,
0:02:07 > 0:02:09a couple of the things you discuss on here.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- Don't be worried.- Right, so.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Just like thousands of people at home,
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Charlie and Tinchy have risked public humiliation
0:02:17 > 0:02:19by filing their own Unzipped reports.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22We'll reveal their results soon.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Does it make you nervous? You are a bit apprehensive. Charlie?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Um...I have got butterflies in my tummy. I'll be fine, I'm sure.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33- That is probably the gin you've been having.- And red wine with cheese.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Mixing already! A good start.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37We also have other questions.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- Such as...- Would you rather be good-looking or clever?
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- Or both, so...- Yes!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Would you rather have a perfect body or achieve world peace?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Would you sleep with someone to get a promotion?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Plus we will be gazing into the mirror
0:02:52 > 0:02:55to discuss the world of beauty and how much we care about looking good.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Except Greg, who doesn't even try any more - #shirts!
0:02:59 > 0:03:03We could not do that without our gorgeous studio audience!
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Plus, we will be hearing from this lot in the Unzipped sample!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17They are rowdy tonight!
0:03:17 > 0:03:21We'll be coaxing sensitive information from them like this,
0:03:21 > 0:03:25how many of you guys, or girls, or guys, would like a boob job?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Hang on, they've all got small boobs. Disappointing.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32How many boys would like a penile extension?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- Whoop!- Just one!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Just one guy clapped at the front.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39# Tiny-willy man! Man with a tiny willy!
0:03:39 > 0:03:42# His penis is tiny, he'd like an extension
0:03:42 > 0:03:43# Tiny cock! Tiny cock! #
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Nothing to show!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49And if that was not enough
0:03:49 > 0:03:52to whet your appetite, we have this coming your way, on Britain Unzipped!
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Men and women unzipped.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Who said writing percentages on a small white board was not fun?
0:04:00 > 0:04:0271%, it's almost prime. Snort!
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Well, we did. Which is why we spiced it up with some glitz,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08some glamour and these X-rated scenes.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Sex Unzipped.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Russell goes under the covers
0:04:13 > 0:04:16to explore Britain's unique approach to sexy time.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21Charlie and Tinchy Unzipped and two more celebrities take the plunge
0:04:21 > 0:04:26as we expose their odd behaviour purely for your entertainment.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29It's Charlie Brooks and Tinchy Stryder.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Thank you both for coming on the show tonight.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39We will be asking very personal questions.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- Are you OK sharing everything in front of each other?- No.- I am open.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- Yeah?- Are you an EastEnders fan?
0:04:45 > 0:04:49- I am...or I was.- What happened?
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I do not watch much TV now.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56I'm hardly at home. When I am, I do watch it.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Do you think Tinchy would be on Janine's playlist,
0:05:00 > 0:05:05or is she too busy messing up people's lives for music?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08She's too busy being a bitch.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10She listens to classical music whilst eating raw meat.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14"This steak is raw, to my satisfaction!"
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- I think Janine would be a fan because I am a fan of Janine.- Oh!
0:05:18 > 0:05:21From now on, Janine is a big Tinch fan.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I will get that in the script.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- You're a fan?- I am a big fan.- Yes?
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Yeah.
0:05:28 > 0:05:33I'm a fan, like, I can watch the telly on mute, that sort of fan.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Do you close the curtains?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Oh, my God! Are you actually doing this?!
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Oh, you're there. Sorry! OK, Charlie, it is time to see how normal you are
0:05:43 > 0:05:45compared to the rest of the women in Britain.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Tinchy, we do need your answers
0:05:47 > 0:05:50but we are trying to find Britain's weirdest female celebrity.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53You can say anything you like.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56You can lord it and Charlie will have the audit for plaudits. Yeah!
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Charlene Emma Brooks, are you ready for your normality questions?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Yes.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04OK, so. First one,
0:06:04 > 0:06:08how long can food be on the floor for it to still be edible?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- Five-second rule, baby.- Five.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Tinch?- No, if the food touches the floor, leave it, man.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- Yeah.- No, five-second rule.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20What would you do, get a ho' to pick it up?!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22LAUGHTER
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I can't believe you just said that!
0:06:28 > 0:06:31If the food falls on the floor...
0:06:31 > 0:06:36although I did say before that I like Janine in EastEnders...
0:06:36 > 0:06:39but if I met her and food fell on the floor
0:06:39 > 0:06:41and five seconds later she picked it up and ate it.
0:06:41 > 0:06:46- It's game over. - No kissing after that.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47I'm afraid that is not normal.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51The average woman thinks food can be on the floor for just three seconds.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I do have an interesting fact.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55According to a report, in the north-east -
0:06:55 > 0:06:57the rest of the country is three seconds -
0:06:57 > 0:06:58but people from the north-east
0:06:58 > 0:07:02think food can be on the floor for 18 seconds and still be edible.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Where did that come from?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Next one, have you ever taken revenge on an ex?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08No.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Well, you have taken revenge on a very famous ex, haven't you?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- What?- Remember this?
0:07:14 > 0:07:18I know that there is love in you.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19We will find it together.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Get off me!
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Aaargh!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Greg! Greg!!!?
0:07:46 > 0:07:48EASTENDERS DOOFDOOFS PLAY
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Greg. Greg, get up.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Greg?
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Ah! I got you! I got you!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Don't do that again, that wasn't funny!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05You OK?
0:08:05 > 0:08:09- That is not what we rehearsed, mate. - All right. I'm still here.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10I'm still here.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15What if I had to do it with George Lamb or something?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18It's OK. AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21You really scared me, Greg. I should probably say,
0:08:21 > 0:08:24first of all, that it is normal.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- Only 14% of women have taken revenge after a break-up.- Oh, good.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- It is not normal for girls to take revenge.- Have you?
0:08:30 > 0:08:35- I definitely have.- What have you done?!- Definitely have.- What?
0:08:35 > 0:08:40My ex, well, ex-ex, before I was with her for a while
0:08:40 > 0:08:43and all the time I was with her, we did not really have much fun.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Then, when we split up and I became
0:08:45 > 0:08:50"Tinchy" she wanted to know me again. So the revenge was sweet.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52So what was the revenge?
0:08:52 > 0:08:56I pretended I was interested again and then I saw her one night.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Hard core.- AUDIENCE: Boo!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02APPLAUSE
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Next one! Did you have a nickname at school?
0:09:04 > 0:09:08- Hmm? Hmm?- Yes.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12What was it?
0:09:12 > 0:09:16My nickname was... Charlie One-Boob.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21How dark is this story?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Is it just one central boob?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Honestly, that would attract me more
0:09:26 > 0:09:29because it would look like a Dungeons and Dragons monster.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- Strange.- Oh, a tit goblin! Ah!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Yes, Charlie One-Boob was my nickname
0:09:36 > 0:09:39cos I had one boob bigger than the other.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41What was the difference?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Peanut and melon?
0:09:43 > 0:09:47- I'll show you after, Greg. - Yes, please.- And...
0:09:47 > 0:09:50That's not normal.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Only 33% of women had a nickname.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56All right. Next one. Have you ever injured yourself during sex?
0:09:59 > 0:10:00And would you like to?
0:10:03 > 0:10:09- Oh, God!- I think sometimes you feel a bit stiff the day after.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13- What?!- Like you have run a bit of a marathon, I suppose.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- You are a bit achy.- A marathon?!
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- Oh, God!- And somebody runs on with a foil blanket?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Cover me! Cover me!
0:10:20 > 0:10:25No, I have never had any bruises or broken anything.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Tinch?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Have I been injured?- Yeah.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I haven't but, I don't know,
0:10:31 > 0:10:34no-one has complained about injuries but, yeah...
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Not that they could speak afterwards.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Here is a leaflet about what has just happened to you!
0:10:43 > 0:10:45I might make some leaflets.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Just leave them Googling!
0:10:51 > 0:10:52That is normal.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Only 7% of women have injured themselves during sex.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58You are normal. I am going to go into the Unzipped Sample
0:10:58 > 0:11:03and find which of these guys has injured themselves in rumpy-pumpy.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08So, who here has injured themselves shagging? Anyone? Don't be shy.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12If you can still put your hand up! You might have snapped your wrist.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Excuse me.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- What is your name?- It is Georgie.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20- Georgie. Where you are from? - Birmingham.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23It does not sound like it, how posh are you?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I just live up north cos it's ironic!
0:11:26 > 0:11:32Oh, God, there's factories. What is pov-er-ty?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Sorry, go on, what is your sex injury? Dirty wench!
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Basically, with my partner at the time,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41we were going at it,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43I was on top and, you know,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47towards the end when you get a bit more energetic, off we go.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- What do you mean, "Off you go"? - Well, getting towards the end.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55That's the most English start to sex. "Off you go, darling.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59"Lovely. You are fully inside me and I'm now pumping."
0:11:59 > 0:12:04Well, towards the end, getting faster, I went back down.
0:12:04 > 0:12:10- Hang on. And you accidentally got up too high?- Too high and back down.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- You bent his... - I slightly crushed him.- Ooh!
0:12:14 > 0:12:18That would be a dick crush right there. That going to sting!
0:12:18 > 0:12:20What did he do?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- Cried for about ten minutes. - He cried!
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- He actually cried?- Yes. - That is lovely.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Anyone else? This guy over here.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32What is going on with your ears?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34RUSSELL MAKES BEEPING NOISE
0:12:34 > 0:12:39Downloading name. What is your name, user?
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- Lawrence.- What is your sex story?
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- I got punched in the face halfway through.- Why?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Being kinky or something? - No, the opposite.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54She was on top and halfway through I said,
0:12:54 > 0:12:55"That is enough, little piggy."
0:12:55 > 0:12:58and she jumped off and punched me in the face.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Slightly uncalled for.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04APPLAUSE
0:13:04 > 0:13:08- Were you saying that to be erotic? - No. Just a bit of banter.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11She wasn't piggy?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13A lovely gentleman, if you want to smash a misogynist
0:13:13 > 0:13:18who will call you a pig, this is the guy. Back to you, Greg.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Just a bit of good banter, you know, standard.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25That is the end of the questions, thanks for giving honest answers.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Charlie Brooks and Tinchy!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29APPLAUSE
0:13:31 > 0:13:35Charlie, we can now give you an Unzipped normality rating,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38compared to our previous guests on the show.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42The options are normal, odd / Christine Bleakley.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Christine had a thing for Phil Schofield sex, which was odd.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Weird / Kimberly Wyatt.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Insane / Holly Willoughby
0:13:49 > 0:13:51and Emily Aytack from the Inbetweeners
0:13:51 > 0:13:54and, finally, the home of Russell Kane, danger to society.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Menace to women and children and cats.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- No, don't bother with it.- Yeah!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
0:14:03 > 0:14:06That is a new picture!
0:14:06 > 0:14:08That is a new one.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Different to rehearsals!
0:14:10 > 0:14:15That is the closest I will get to having that much pussy!
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- Back to you, Charlie.- Oh, Christ. - We can now reveal that you are...
0:14:20 > 0:14:24We have just been told that you are...very odd.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Oh, great. That's good.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31You're more odd than a prime number.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- We should do a song together. - Yeah, I'd be up for that.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36I'd turn up to the studio and you wouldn't be there,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39there'd just be a sign saying, "Not really, you wanker!"
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Although we promised not to do this, Tinchy,
0:14:42 > 0:14:44we are going to give you a rating anyway.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47You are very, very insane.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53Of course, that rating could change during the course of the show.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Do not moderate your behaviour.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Keep behaving as you are and we adjust your score accordingly.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59And if you want to find out how normal you are,
0:14:59 > 0:15:03remember to go online and complete your own Unzipped report.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- There's new questions every week, Russell.- So exciting!
0:15:39 > 0:15:44It's now time to link up with our Unzipped cameras somewhere in the UK
0:15:44 > 0:15:47and seeing as we are talking about beauty, where better than Essex,
0:15:47 > 0:15:50where six girls are getting ready to go out.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Looking good must be important in Essex,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55because 41% of people in the South-east
0:15:55 > 0:15:58would prefer to be good-looking rather than intelligent.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Before we meet up with the girls,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03it might be worth giving the viewers
0:16:03 > 0:16:06a brief guide to the language we'll be expecting to hear
0:16:06 > 0:16:08with a basic spoken Essex lesson.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Russell is from Southend.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12He will be speaking Essex and I will provide a translation.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14The first phrase, please, Russell.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16All right, babes.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Hello. LAUGHTER
0:16:19 > 0:16:22She's well reem. I'm, like, very jel.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26She's an attractive woman. I may experience feelings of envy.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29That's like totes emoshe. Numsay?
0:16:29 > 0:16:33I'm feeling emotional. Do you understand what I am saying?
0:16:33 > 0:16:37Shuup. Those salted potatoes all vajazzle their nunnies.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Please be quiet.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42Those good-looking girls have adorned their vaginas with sparkly crystals.
0:16:44 > 0:16:49Just to be clear, though, it's not the vagina, it's the pubic mound.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- Now...everybody is up to speed! - LAUGHTER
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Let's go well live and that to Essex!
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Let's go live to Essex.- Yeah. Sorry.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58We're joining Ruby
0:16:58 > 0:17:02and her friends as they prepare for a girls' night out on the town.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Hello, Ruby's house!
0:17:03 > 0:17:06In through the door.
0:17:06 > 0:17:11- It's a modest Essex pad. - Nice house. Get the dog.
0:17:11 > 0:17:16- There they are, look. Hi, Ruby.- Hiya!
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Ruby, who have you got there with you, babes?
0:17:21 > 0:17:25At the moment all my girls and we're getting ready to go out.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29"Aaaout." How many syllables in the word out?
0:17:29 > 0:17:33"Oo-oo-aa-oo-oo-aaaout."
0:17:33 > 0:17:35You are probably the perfect person
0:17:35 > 0:17:38to tell us what preparation goes into a big Essex night out.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40How long will it take you to get ready, babes?
0:17:40 > 0:17:44It depends where you're going and what you're going out for.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Sometimes it can take a day. Obviously, we all meet up...
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- We've all got a nail shop that we go to.- A day?!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54We start off the day by meeting
0:17:54 > 0:17:58in the nail shop and we all have our nails done and take our time.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Have a drink, get ready together and go on from there.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05- Now, let's have a snoop around chez Rubes.- Ruby's house.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Ruby's house, sorry.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Next to me is Charlotte.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13She's doing her nails, sorting herself out before we go out.
0:18:13 > 0:18:18Over here I have my mum and her friends having a drink.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Hi!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22At the minute I'm deciding which dress to wear.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I am thinking this one because it's been warm recently.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28But what do you think? What one would you go for?
0:18:28 > 0:18:33- Don't know. Tinchy, which one do you like?- Which one comes off easiest?
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- This one.- That's the one.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40What else have you got?
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Through here I have got Kirsty, who's the hairdresser.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48She's doing Laura's hair. Through here, this is Jade and this is Jade.
0:18:48 > 0:18:53Jade does professional spray tanning and Jade's getting hers done.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- Hang on, you've got a spray tan in the house?- Jade does it.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59We get tanned before we go out.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03- Is that permanently there?- What are you talking about, the tattoo...?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09We have a challenge for you tonight.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12It's a challenge for everyone there, OK?
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Fans of Britain Unzipped will know we have heard some amazing stories
0:19:16 > 0:19:19from our studio audience, but the king of these stories
0:19:19 > 0:19:21is our friend Adam from Bolton.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Adam, ladies and gentlemen.
0:19:24 > 0:19:30Guess what? He's waiting for you outside your door right now!
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Adam is a bit dirty but don't panic, you're safe.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37It's also fair to say he's been a bit unlucky in love.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Look at those flowers! All right, Adam.- You all right?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44CRACK!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Straight away with a bottom injury!
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Adam has been unlucky. As we've just seen,
0:19:51 > 0:19:54instantly he came in and the chair cracks.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57He's confessed that also he managed
0:19:57 > 0:20:00to vomit over someone during a tender moment
0:20:00 > 0:20:02and another encounter ended with a trip to casualty.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04We thought Adam would benefit
0:20:04 > 0:20:08from some tender loving girly care. Some TLGC.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Your challenge is to give Adam the ultimate Essex makeover
0:20:11 > 0:20:13and turn him into a dreamboat.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16When he goes out tonight, men will find him irresistible.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18How that comes about is up to you.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21We'll come back at the end of the show to find out how you got on.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23You could win a mystery prize.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Do you accept the challenge, Essex girls?- I think we accept.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Whoo!
0:20:29 > 0:20:32The main thing is, at least Adam doesn't look awkward.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Good luck, Adam!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39CHEERING
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Man Versus Woman is up next.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Before that we're going to make a brave but regrettable decision.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50We're going to send Russell to a teenager's bedroom.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59Sexual lives of Brits begins right here in the teenager's bedroom.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02These are the years when girls become girly swots
0:21:02 > 0:21:04and start realising they're superior.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Boys, they descend into self-abuse
0:21:06 > 0:21:10and they start working up their Popeye's forearm.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13After practising self-love for long enough
0:21:13 > 0:21:17we start practising on other people.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Although quite how 49% of you get to the point
0:21:20 > 0:21:22where you fart during sex I have got no idea.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27In the beginning, we're too shy to even poo in a new partner's toilet.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- I'll get dessert. - Thank you, it was lovely.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35There's no poo in me, just Beaudelaire and Beaujolais.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Look, I don't even have a bumhole, I've evolved it away.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Ooh, hello!
0:21:46 > 0:21:49When we eventually do grow up and pair off,
0:21:49 > 0:21:54winning is more about long-term love, accepting one another's faults
0:21:54 > 0:21:56and getting to that magical point
0:21:56 > 0:21:58where your partner farts in the other room
0:21:58 > 0:22:01and you think they're speaking to you.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- HE FARTS - What's that, babes? You love me?
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Yeah. Yeah, he's being quite sweet recently.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13The best British noise in bed, though, is just after breakfast,
0:22:13 > 0:22:16when you're shagging and one of you has drunk too much tea.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Listen, you can hear her tea belly.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22SLOSHING
0:22:22 > 0:22:25At least it's British tea, though. Rule Britannia.
0:22:30 > 0:22:35It's now time to play a game. But this is no ordinary game.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38For this is a competition that pitches the finest men and women
0:22:38 > 0:22:40of Britain against each other,
0:22:40 > 0:22:43on a voyage of discovery that will test their mental powers
0:22:43 > 0:22:46and push their endurance to the limit.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49In this battle of the sexes,
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Greg and I look down on these soldiers of fortune,
0:22:52 > 0:22:54these gladiators of gender,
0:22:54 > 0:22:56with the cold authority of Roman generals,
0:22:56 > 0:23:00our words of wisdom dispensed in front of this baying mob
0:23:00 > 0:23:02and recorded forever on tablets
0:23:02 > 0:23:05of stone in the anals of history. Annals.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08In the annals of history. Not anals, not the bum.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10It's our job, nay, our duty
0:23:10 > 0:23:14merely to judge the success or failure of our contestants.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17We are and must remain entirely impartial.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Which was fine
0:23:18 > 0:23:21until Greg got off with one of the contestants last week.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I can explain.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Kiss!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44# Greggy loves Ryan, Greggy loves Ryan
0:23:44 > 0:23:47# Greggy and Ryan in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G
0:23:47 > 0:23:49# W-A-K...N-I-N-G... #
0:23:49 > 0:23:50I do not love Ryan,
0:23:50 > 0:23:54I have not been up any trees with him and I've not done anything.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Anyone who saw the show will know that clip was out of context.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59I don't like short-arses anyway.
0:23:59 > 0:24:05- You're telling me since last week you haven't texted Ryan?- No.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- You haven't e-mailed? - Absolutely not.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09You haven't seen each other at all?
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- Well, we might have spent SOME time together.- Really?
0:24:13 > 0:24:18MUSIC: "We've Only Just Begun" by the Carpenters
0:24:18 > 0:24:28# We've only just begun to live
0:24:28 > 0:24:33# White lace and promises
0:24:33 > 0:24:39# A kiss for luck and we're on our way
0:24:39 > 0:24:42# We've only begun
0:24:42 > 0:24:50# Before the risin' sun, we fly
0:24:50 > 0:24:56# So many roads to choose
0:24:56 > 0:25:00# We'll start out walkin' and learn to run
0:25:00 > 0:25:07# And, yes, we've just begun
0:25:09 > 0:25:13# Sharing horizons that are new to us
0:25:13 > 0:25:20# Watching the signs along the way
0:25:20 > 0:25:23# Talkin' it over, just the two of us
0:25:25 > 0:25:29# Workin' together day to day
0:25:29 > 0:25:33# Together
0:25:33 > 0:25:42# And when the evening comes, we smile
0:25:42 > 0:25:48# So much of life ahead
0:25:48 > 0:25:53# We'll find a place where there's room to grow
0:25:53 > 0:25:59# And, yes, we've just begun... #
0:26:00 > 0:26:05It's fine. Me and him are just good friends.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09- Don't touch me.- It was innocent fun. Innocent afternoon, innocent evening.
0:26:09 > 0:26:14You're trying to make out I'm jealous and I'm not.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17I'm lucky, I'm emotionally secure, I have a wide circle of male
0:26:17 > 0:26:20and female friends and lots of pets.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Look, I'm happy on my own anyway.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25So if I am spending a night with my pugs and cats, that's cool for me.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27I watched Thor in my pants last night.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33- Moving on. I think it's time we played this.- I'm not lonely!
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Representing men this week, he's from Southampton, he's single,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49but "wouldn't rule out a relationship if the right one came along".
0:26:49 > 0:26:51It's Jack.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56Representing women this week, she's from Coventry, she's engaged
0:26:56 > 0:26:59and she doesn't like hairy guys because they sweat too much.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00It's Alana!
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Jack, let's do your quick-fire gender specific questions. How old are you?
0:27:07 > 0:27:0825.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10- Where do you work?- In Romsey,
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- as a sales manager. - Have you ever thrown up on a girl?
0:27:14 > 0:27:16- HE CHUCKLES - Yes.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19GREG CACKLES "Ye-es."
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Elaborate.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24I went out and was in a nightclub, had three or four beers
0:27:24 > 0:27:28and I started chundering and there's a girl...
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I feel so bad for her now, but she was just stood there
0:27:31 > 0:27:34and she had a chuckle like most people would,
0:27:34 > 0:27:36so I decided my next chunder
0:27:36 > 0:27:38was going all over her dress and her feet.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40You horrible bastard!
0:27:40 > 0:27:44I got a big slap around the face, as you can imagine.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46- Would you do it again? - In a heartbeat.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49In Southampton that's the start of courtship.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53"Bleeuurgh!" "Thank you, Gary!"
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Your turn, Alana. How old are you, babes?
0:27:56 > 0:28:00- 24.- And how long have you been engaged for?
0:28:00 > 0:28:05- Five years.- You got engaged when you were 19?- Yeah.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07"That's Harry Potter finished, right, get married."
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Let's see what we're playing for.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Jack, you will be choosing from this selection of proper man prizes.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17You could be taking away some novelty pants, a barbecue, motor oil,
0:28:17 > 0:28:22a football, a bottle of Scotch and a screwdriver set.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27And check this out.
0:28:27 > 0:28:31The screwdrivers in that screwdriver set are corrosion resistant
0:28:31 > 0:28:34with chrome plated steel bars for added strength and durability.
0:28:34 > 0:28:35Up yours, Knowles.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Yeah. Yeah, take that, Beyonce.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39- Nick Knowles.- Nick, sorry, Nick.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42- Nick Knowles, DIY guy, right?- Yep.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46Alana, feast your eyes on these girly cliches.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Tonight's prizes totally include a hot water bottle - oh, my God -
0:28:50 > 0:28:53bubblebath, slippers, jim-jams, heated rollers,
0:28:53 > 0:28:55a candle and a teddy bear.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57APPLAUSE
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Ahead of us we've got some questions all about the differences
0:29:01 > 0:29:04between men and women so let's get started. Hit the lights!
0:29:05 > 0:29:07LAUGHS
0:29:07 > 0:29:10- What was that voice?- Dunno. - I liked it.
0:29:10 > 0:29:14Here's a... Sorry. Here's the first question.
0:29:18 > 0:29:19- Oh, for Christ's sake.- What?
0:29:19 > 0:29:21Why is so much of it about height?
0:29:21 > 0:29:23Please write down your answers,
0:29:23 > 0:29:24the closest one will win a prize.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Would you?
0:29:26 > 0:29:29Would you go out with a girl that was taller than you?
0:29:29 > 0:29:31- Absolutely not. - Imagine how tall she would be.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34DRAMATIC ROUND MUSIC
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Erm, Jack?
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- I've gone with 38%. - Alana, what have you got?
0:29:39 > 0:29:4160%.
0:29:41 > 0:29:45I can now reveal the percentage of small minded women...
0:29:45 > 0:29:49Five foot 10 average, there. The average height, me.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52he percentage of women who wouldn't date a man shorter than them
0:29:52 > 0:29:54is a whopping 49%.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57Which means it's a draw, basically.
0:29:57 > 0:29:58APPLAUSE
0:30:01 > 0:30:04There's definitely a guy here who can give me some advice
0:30:04 > 0:30:06on being shorter than his ladies.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09I need some confidence boosting, man. What's going on?
0:30:09 > 0:30:12- What's going on, bruv.- Do you think that's quite a high statistic?
0:30:12 > 0:30:14- That 49% of women wouldn't date a guy...- He guessed 45.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17- We have our own game. - Do you find it a problem at all?
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Personally, nah.
0:30:19 > 0:30:20LAUGHTER
0:30:20 > 0:30:22Have you ever been petted?
0:30:22 > 0:30:25Has a girl ever gone, "Oooh," after sex or anything like that?
0:30:25 > 0:30:26Nah.
0:30:26 > 0:30:27LAUGHTER
0:30:27 > 0:30:29How do you get around the height thing, confidence?
0:30:29 > 0:30:33Tell you the truth, I'm not really attracted to girls who are
0:30:33 > 0:30:34twice the size of me.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Twice the size would be mental.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40When I said small, I was meaning height.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43- That's the only small part. - Yeah, yeah, exactly.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46- I don't know about you.- We've both got massive knobs, it's known.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48That solves that.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51All right, next question.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57Write your answers down, closest one will win a prize.
0:30:59 > 0:31:03As in, they wouldn't feel comfortable pooing in the public arena.
0:31:03 > 0:31:04You can assume this means the toilets,
0:31:04 > 0:31:06not in the middle of the dance floor
0:31:06 > 0:31:09which is standard in parts of Essex, which will discover.
0:31:09 > 0:31:10What have you got, guys?
0:31:10 > 0:31:11I've gone with 76.
0:31:11 > 0:31:1476% of women not comfortable pooing in a nightclub.
0:31:14 > 0:31:15I put 20%.
0:31:15 > 0:31:1920% of women... Well, I can reveal that the percentage of women
0:31:19 > 0:31:23who do not think it's "ceptable" - Supernanny would say, not acceptable
0:31:23 > 0:31:27"ceptable", yeah, would not think it's "ceptable to poo in a nightclub
0:31:27 > 0:31:31is 46%, which means, Alana, you win the round.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33APPLAUSE
0:31:36 > 0:31:40Would you, er... Would you ever curl one out in a nightclub?
0:31:40 > 0:31:44Oh, no, I've got this little phobia where I can't do in public.
0:31:44 > 0:31:45I can in my own house, but that's it.
0:31:45 > 0:31:49What about on holiday, do you just hold it and then do a diamond?
0:31:49 > 0:31:51Even when you wee, you've got to bend to the side
0:31:51 > 0:31:53- so you can't hear it.- What?- What?
0:31:53 > 0:31:56Yeah, you've got to put paper down and then bend to the side slightly
0:31:56 > 0:31:58so the wee goes round the side,
0:31:58 > 0:32:00not straight down so you can hear it.
0:32:00 > 0:32:02- That is not normal.- No.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04- That's not normal. - This is why I don't go in public.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07I've always wondered to those messy side pooers were. Now we know!
0:32:07 > 0:32:10I wonder how the people of Britain feel about pooing?
0:32:10 > 0:32:12I'm gonna go out and do...
0:32:12 > 0:32:14No. No, no, no, no.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16Yeah, I've got a mic and I'm gonna...
0:32:16 > 0:32:19No! This is that bit of the show, like that unfunny walk
0:32:19 > 0:32:22and at the end of it nothing happens. It's got to stop.
0:32:22 > 0:32:24Chill out, Adolf Mugabe.
0:32:25 > 0:32:28I don't need to do the walk anyway, do you know why?
0:32:28 > 0:32:30Cos we've got audience there
0:32:30 > 0:32:32and I'll just speak to one of those guys get their opinion.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34Cool, chat to one of them. Quick.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Won't take a couple of minutes.
0:32:36 > 0:32:37Just there, just there.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39That one there at the front, there.
0:32:41 > 0:32:42There!
0:32:44 > 0:32:45Gone past him.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47She looks perfect.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Sorry, guys, sorry.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52I'm really sorry.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54Could I just squeeze past you, is that all right?
0:32:55 > 0:32:57Sorry, guys. Excuse me.
0:32:57 > 0:32:58Excuse me, darling.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03You look absolutely perfect, you.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Do you know what, sorry, can I...
0:33:10 > 0:33:11Just have to move along, sweetheart.
0:33:19 > 0:33:23Can you explain why nearly half of all British women are uncomfortable
0:33:23 > 0:33:25- pooing in a nightclub?- No. - Back to you, Greg.
0:33:25 > 0:33:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:33:31 > 0:33:32Thank you, Russell.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34OK, back to the game.
0:33:39 > 0:33:41Write your answers down, please.
0:33:41 > 0:33:43- What would you do?- If we all had perfect bodies
0:33:43 > 0:33:45then world peace would be achieved
0:33:45 > 0:33:47cos we'd all just be banging all the time, wouldn't we?
0:33:47 > 0:33:49It would be, "I kill you at the border,
0:33:49 > 0:33:50"but I think you're quite fit,
0:33:50 > 0:33:52"stick it in me instead."
0:33:52 > 0:33:53Got a point, actually.
0:33:55 > 0:33:56Jack, what've you written?
0:33:56 > 0:34:00- 54%.- That's an S, do you want to turn it into a five?
0:34:00 > 0:34:02LAUGHTER
0:34:02 > 0:34:05- Alana, what have you got?- 40%.
0:34:05 > 0:34:09This is one of the most depressing answers I've ever had two read out.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12Given the option to end all war and suffering,
0:34:12 > 0:34:15the percentage of women who said, "No thanks, I'd rather be able to
0:34:15 > 0:34:19"fit into my jeans," is 42%.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21CHEERING
0:34:21 > 0:34:23Alana wins the round.
0:34:26 > 0:34:30And the percentage of men who would rather have a perfect body is 41.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32Jack, would you rather have the perfect body
0:34:32 > 0:34:34or stop all global bloodshed? Think about it.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37Erm... I'd have to go for perfect body now.
0:34:37 > 0:34:38Really?
0:34:38 > 0:34:40Are you proud of your body?
0:34:40 > 0:34:42Erm, getting there now.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44We just wondered because sometimes
0:34:44 > 0:34:47it seems like you quite like showing off flesh.
0:34:47 > 0:34:48Do you recognise this photo?
0:34:48 > 0:34:51LAUGHTER
0:34:52 > 0:34:54Can I just say,
0:34:54 > 0:34:58for legal reasons we actually had to Photoshop out the nut sack.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01What about this more tasteful one?
0:35:03 > 0:35:06That was a long time ago. That...
0:35:07 > 0:35:10Look at the two blokes behind you. "We're in here, lads."
0:35:11 > 0:35:13Jack, explain yourself, young man.
0:35:13 > 0:35:16We just went out to a nightclub and instead of getting women naked
0:35:16 > 0:35:19on the stage, they asked for men to do it.
0:35:19 > 0:35:22I was second and there was a guy wearing the boiler outfit
0:35:22 > 0:35:25- and he, like, he makes me look bold.- Really?
0:35:25 > 0:35:27We do not want your displays of nudity
0:35:27 > 0:35:29to affect your future relationships and job prospects
0:35:29 > 0:35:32so we devised a way to ensure that you keep your kit on forever.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35To save you from ever taking your clothes off again,
0:35:35 > 0:35:38we've immunise the British public against your body.
0:35:38 > 0:35:39Take a look at this.
0:36:17 > 0:36:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:22 > 0:36:24The guy on the bike was my favourite.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26He just... "Ooh."
0:36:26 > 0:36:29Now, where were we? I think that was our final question,
0:36:29 > 0:36:33so the winner of tonight's Man Vs Woman is...Alana!
0:36:33 > 0:36:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:39 > 0:36:41And you win a star prize to go with your other prizes.
0:36:41 > 0:36:45That is, of course, a bottle of wine and tissues.
0:36:47 > 0:36:48There you go.
0:36:50 > 0:36:55Jack and Alana, thank you both for taking part. Enjoy your prizes.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:59 > 0:37:02And there'll be more Man Vs Woman next week, but this lot is still
0:37:02 > 0:37:05heading your way tonight.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08Charlie and Tinchy unzip.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11They've talked revenge, nicknames and sex injuries,
0:37:11 > 0:37:14but what else will Charlie Brooks and Tinchy Stryder get off
0:37:14 > 0:37:15their chests tonight?
0:37:15 > 0:37:19- Have you got a hairy chest? - I'll show you after if you want.
0:37:19 > 0:37:22Essex unzipped. "All rights, babes?"
0:37:22 > 0:37:25Will the girls be ready in time for their big night out on the town?
0:37:25 > 0:37:28Let's hope so, otherwise they will be well aggro.
0:37:29 > 0:37:33Celebs unzipped, and its celebrity confession time later,
0:37:33 > 0:37:36so keep watching to find out what Russell, Fearne and Joe
0:37:36 > 0:37:39have got to say about grannies, nostrils and underpants.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41Shame on you!
0:37:45 > 0:37:49According to the unzipped report, 58% of us would consider cosmetic surgery
0:37:49 > 0:37:52and if we won the lottery, it would be an absolute priority
0:37:52 > 0:37:56for 8% of us, ahead of giving money to friends and family
0:37:56 > 0:37:58or quitting our jobs.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Charlie and Tinchy, you're probably under pressure to be beautiful,
0:38:00 > 0:38:04do you feel that, would you consider plastic surgery?
0:38:04 > 0:38:07- Um, I think I probably would at some point.- What would you do?
0:38:07 > 0:38:10Er, I dunno.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12Well, I do, but I'm not going to tell you.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14That would be revealing all my flaws.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17I dunno, I'm definitely not into botox or any of that.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20Tinchy, imagine your 80-year-old Tinchy Stryder,
0:38:20 > 0:38:22still spitting the bars...
0:38:22 > 0:38:25- Spitting the bars.- ..but your face has dropped.
0:38:25 > 0:38:28would you have a little tuck, maybe, a bit of Botox?
0:38:28 > 0:38:32- If I was how old?- 80.- 80 and then I was still spitting the bars
0:38:32 > 0:38:35and my face dropped, I would drop the mic.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37Drop the mic? Psyche!
0:38:37 > 0:38:38Yeah.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41Are their physical features that would put you off
0:38:41 > 0:38:44- a prospective partner?- There's one thing for me, definitely,
0:38:44 > 0:38:47like, with the man, bad teeth.
0:38:47 > 0:38:48Bad teeth?
0:38:48 > 0:38:50That's the one thing. I quite like a little belly on a man.
0:38:50 > 0:38:52What don't you like about girls?
0:38:52 > 0:38:56Personally, I like girls with a nice little bum.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59- Curvaceous.- Yeah, so if it's too flat for me...
0:38:59 > 0:39:02Don't worry if you're flat, it's cool.
0:39:02 > 0:39:05- Just not for Tinchy. - Just not for me.- OK.- Yeah.
0:39:05 > 0:39:09- Russ?- Well, I'm certainly glad I had my scrotal bleaching done.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11LAUGHTER
0:39:11 > 0:39:13I also had a pancreas lift.
0:39:14 > 0:39:18Now, who here would have surgery if money was no object?
0:39:18 > 0:39:20APPLAUSE
0:39:20 > 0:39:25- Quite a lot of us. Who's taken that next step, who's had it done?- Me.
0:39:25 > 0:39:26There's one.
0:39:26 > 0:39:29- Oh, yeah.- Yeah, me.- Can I sit that side of you, babe?
0:39:29 > 0:39:31So, go on, what have you had done?
0:39:31 > 0:39:34- You look great, you don't need anything done.- Thank you.
0:39:34 > 0:39:38I lost a lot of weight so I had my boobs uplifted and implanted
0:39:38 > 0:39:41and I had some veneers, and next week I'm getting my veins
0:39:41 > 0:39:44taken out of my legs, not all of them, but a few.
0:39:44 > 0:39:45LAUGHTER
0:39:45 > 0:39:47- Let's have a look at the picture of you before.- OK.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49SHE LAUGHS
0:39:49 > 0:39:52I think you look hot, I would've done you.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55Well, I wish I'd have known. Yeah, I've lost nine stone now.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57- What?!- Yeah.
0:39:57 > 0:39:58APPLAUSE
0:40:00 > 0:40:02- AMERICAN ACCENT: - We're so happy for you.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04This is how much weight you can lose on the programme.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06This is a winner right here.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08All righty then.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11So, what happened? You lost weight and your boobs were like,
0:40:11 > 0:40:12"Hey, what's happened to us?"
0:40:12 > 0:40:16And you were like, "Where are my nipples? What's that on the floor?"
0:40:16 > 0:40:18Arrrgh!
0:40:18 > 0:40:21- The surgeon said he'd never seen boobs like it ever...- That's nice.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23They were so small, so, yeah.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26How much incentive is that? "I'm sure it can't be that bad...
0:40:26 > 0:40:29"Waaah! The worst I've ever seen! Tiny, tiny, tiny!"
0:40:29 > 0:40:32- So, yeah... - How much where your boobs?
0:40:32 > 0:40:35It was around nine grand for the uplift and the implant.
0:40:35 > 0:40:36Did you pay on credit or save up first?
0:40:36 > 0:40:39- Was it the money you'd saved on Snickers?- Yeah...
0:40:39 > 0:40:41LAUGHTER
0:40:43 > 0:40:45I'm laughing, but it's true.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49Erm, yeah, actually my dad loaned me the money.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51I told him I had something wrong with my stomach
0:40:51 > 0:40:54and he believed me and gave me the money and I got a boob job.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56- Sorry, Dad.- Back to you, Greg.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59Have you ever had any beauty malfunctions,
0:40:59 > 0:41:01like bad haircuts or anything like that?
0:41:01 > 0:41:03- Bad treatments.- Oh, several.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06I think I had a wax once and it made me bleed.
0:41:06 > 0:41:07A bikini wax.
0:41:07 > 0:41:08GROANS
0:41:08 > 0:41:10Laser.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12Yeah, I had a wax and it kind of...
0:41:12 > 0:41:14You can have a bad wax and it does make you bleed.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16In case you ever have a bikini wax.
0:41:16 > 0:41:19- Erm, but that's it.- Do your waxes make you bleed, Tinchy?
0:41:19 > 0:41:21I've never had no wax.
0:41:21 > 0:41:23Have you got a hairy chest?
0:41:23 > 0:41:26Nah, I've got not... I'll show you after if you want.
0:41:26 > 0:41:27LAUGHTER
0:41:27 > 0:41:29Oh, God. I'm going to leave them to it. Russell.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31Who's Louis?
0:41:31 > 0:41:32Louis.
0:41:32 > 0:41:36Now, Louis, what was your fashion faux pas?
0:41:36 > 0:41:38- Nice hair, by the way.- Thank you.
0:41:38 > 0:41:41Basically, er, a couple of weeks ago my best friend dyed her hair.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43She wanted to peroxide blonde it.
0:41:43 > 0:41:47- Right.- Obviously, I've got quite dark hair. I thought, might as well,
0:41:47 > 0:41:48something a bit different...
0:41:48 > 0:41:52- Yeah.- and, er, so I dyed it, just did my quiff, just the front bit.
0:41:52 > 0:41:53Imagine that.
0:41:53 > 0:41:54LAUGHTER
0:41:54 > 0:41:56Wanker!
0:41:56 > 0:41:59And erm... Yeah, so it went blonde at first
0:41:59 > 0:42:01and then it started to go ginger,
0:42:01 > 0:42:04but I was getting loads of banter from my friends just saying
0:42:04 > 0:42:07I look like you, so I got rid of it.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09What?! Let's have a look at it.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14So your fashion disaster was you accidentally looked more like me?
0:42:14 > 0:42:18- Yeah, basically.- Back to you, Greg.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21That's pretty impressive and I think you're the only people...
0:42:21 > 0:42:22Can I just stop you there, Greg?
0:42:22 > 0:42:25Do you mind if we stop for just one second?
0:42:25 > 0:42:28I think we've got time just to ponder how well-groomed
0:42:28 > 0:42:30you were when you were a kid.
0:42:30 > 0:42:33- Oh, my God.- Who would like to see a photo of that?
0:42:33 > 0:42:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:36 > 0:42:37I thought so.
0:42:37 > 0:42:40Here's a very young Greg already rocking a celebrity look.
0:42:40 > 0:42:41Check this out.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:42:47 > 0:42:51Clearly he was already used to the VIP treatment even at an early age.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55Urgh! Look at the shorts.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57A bit too tight!
0:42:57 > 0:43:00Slightly too tight! Slightly too tight!
0:43:00 > 0:43:03Stop ruining my childhood!
0:43:05 > 0:43:07Anyway, we're off to Essex next but before that,
0:43:07 > 0:43:10why don't you do what hundreds of thousands of people
0:43:10 > 0:43:13have already done and check out the Unzipped report online.
0:43:13 > 0:43:15I'm sorry, Greg - not!
0:43:16 > 0:43:21How normal are you? Are you quirky, boring or completely gaga?
0:43:21 > 0:43:24Check out Britain Unzipped on the BBC Three website.
0:43:24 > 0:43:26Each week, we'll add new questions to help you find out how your
0:43:26 > 0:43:30social life, work life and even sex life compares to the rest of Britain.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32We'll provide you with a personalised report.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34It's up to you whether you share it with friends
0:43:34 > 0:43:39or keep it as our little secret. Just go to bbc.co.uk/bbcthree
0:43:39 > 0:43:41and click on Britain Unzipped.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49Right. Let's link up with our cameras in Essex
0:43:49 > 0:43:51to see how Ruby and the girls are getting on.
0:43:51 > 0:43:54As Ruby and her mates were getting ready for a big night out
0:43:54 > 0:43:57when we joined them earlier, we gave them an extra makeover challenge.
0:43:57 > 0:44:00Their challenge was to help unlucky-in-love Adam
0:44:00 > 0:44:01from the Unzipped audience.
0:44:01 > 0:44:04We're going to help him get lucky tonight by turning him
0:44:04 > 0:44:05into a well-reamed stud muffin.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08- Oh, translate - a good-looking gentleman.- Sorry.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11And if they impress Charlie with their bare skills,
0:44:11 > 0:44:13they get their hands on a mystery prize.
0:44:13 > 0:44:15Charlie, do you think Adam's going to be looking good?
0:44:15 > 0:44:18I don't know, I'm frightened about what he'll look like.
0:44:18 > 0:44:19Hopefully it'll be an improvement.
0:44:19 > 0:44:21Let's remind ourselves what Adam looked like
0:44:21 > 0:44:23when he turned up earlier.
0:44:23 > 0:44:28There he is. Look at that. That is the face of a killer, isn't it?
0:44:28 > 0:44:30That's someone who's going to go take out everyone.
0:44:30 > 0:44:31IMITATES A MACHINE GUN
0:44:31 > 0:44:34"You shouldn't have mocked me at work!"
0:44:34 > 0:44:37Right, I think it's time we go back to Essex. Let's go.
0:44:37 > 0:44:38Hi, girls!
0:44:41 > 0:44:43Girls, you all look incredible.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47I especially like your outfit that Tinchy Stryder chose earlier, Ruby.
0:44:47 > 0:44:49- It's good.- Thank you.
0:44:49 > 0:44:53So the question is, will Adam look as good as those...you.
0:44:53 > 0:44:54LAUGHTER
0:44:54 > 0:44:57When we delivered Adam we asked you to transform him
0:44:57 > 0:45:00into the ultimate Essex love magnet.
0:45:00 > 0:45:02So jaw-droppingly gorgeous
0:45:02 > 0:45:04he'll definitely not be going home alone tonight.
0:45:04 > 0:45:10Let's see what you've done. Please reveal Adam in three, two, one!
0:45:10 > 0:45:11Ta-da!
0:45:23 > 0:45:27- Is that supposed to be me? - That's you!- It looks familiar.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30- Why has he got an Elvis wig on?! - Go stand there.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33- No, I'm not going to stand near it. - Stand by it, stand by the wall.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35I hate you, Greg! I'm not doing it!
0:45:41 > 0:45:43APPLAUSE
0:45:46 > 0:45:49He looks so small, doesn't he?
0:45:50 > 0:45:53I don't have Elvis hair, do I, you dick!
0:45:54 > 0:45:57Tell us what was involved in that amazing makeover.
0:45:57 > 0:46:01OK, starting from the top, his hair, Kirsty dealt with that
0:46:01 > 0:46:05because she's a hairdresser. He wanted to go for this look.
0:46:05 > 0:46:06I'm not quite sure,
0:46:06 > 0:46:08cos we're used to the side-parting Martins in Essex,
0:46:08 > 0:46:10but it seems to work.
0:46:10 > 0:46:14His base colour was done by Jade who spray tanned him.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17We topped it up a little bit on his face
0:46:17 > 0:46:20with foundation and a bit of eyeliner around his eye
0:46:20 > 0:46:23just to make him look a little bit more beautiful.
0:46:23 > 0:46:26And then if you look at his ear as well, we also drew on
0:46:26 > 0:46:30an earring because some people seem to be doing it but I'm not sure why,
0:46:30 > 0:46:32just get it pierced.
0:46:32 > 0:46:36Anyway, his outfit, we all sort of put it in together.
0:46:36 > 0:46:38We rustled it up.
0:46:38 > 0:46:42Not sure about the badges and things like that,
0:46:42 > 0:46:44but hey-ho, it seems to work altogether.
0:46:44 > 0:46:45The trainers look wicked with it
0:46:45 > 0:46:48and I think he's going to pull with us tonight.
0:46:48 > 0:46:53- Adam, how do you feel? Do you like the new look?- Yeah, it's quite nice.
0:46:53 > 0:46:54I do like it.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59Is that how you see me, Rubes? Is that how you see me?
0:46:59 > 0:47:04- Yeah, you're beautiful, babe, that's how I see you.- Yeah!
0:47:04 > 0:47:07Based on that, Charlie, do you think they deserve the prize?
0:47:07 > 0:47:09Yes!
0:47:09 > 0:47:11Congratulations, Ruby, you've won!
0:47:14 > 0:47:17Now you've won and seeing as you're already hitting
0:47:17 > 0:47:20Brentwood's finest club later,
0:47:20 > 0:47:23we've upgraded you to the VIP section. How about that?
0:47:23 > 0:47:27Wicked! Woo!
0:47:27 > 0:47:28I was going to come and join you
0:47:28 > 0:47:30but now there's a humiliating doppelganger,
0:47:30 > 0:47:32I don't think I'll bother. Plus...
0:47:32 > 0:47:35You can come down, what's better than two of you?
0:47:35 > 0:47:37I don't know, two of those.
0:47:37 > 0:47:40LAUGHTER
0:47:42 > 0:47:43Oh, my God. Right.
0:47:43 > 0:47:47Listen, we've also given you a deluxe hangover cure
0:47:47 > 0:47:49ready for when you wake up tomorrow.
0:47:49 > 0:47:53As Adam will be with you and we know he can be a liability,
0:47:53 > 0:47:57we've also included a first aid kit, a GPS ankle bracelet
0:47:57 > 0:47:59and the address of a local drop-in clinic.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Thank you so much for letting us
0:48:03 > 0:48:05go into your house, and have an amazing night. Thank you!
0:48:05 > 0:48:08Thank you. See you!
0:48:10 > 0:48:13So that's Ruby sorted out with prizes but what about our studio audience?
0:48:13 > 0:48:16That depends on how Charlie and Tinchy get on in Celebs Unzipped
0:48:16 > 0:48:18and that is coming up right after this.
0:48:18 > 0:48:21Greg! Greg!
0:48:58 > 0:49:00Tonight we've learned a lot about the British public,
0:49:00 > 0:49:03but now it's time to jump straight to the front of the queue and impress
0:49:03 > 0:49:05the bouncers with our celebrity plus ones,
0:49:05 > 0:49:08and they are Charlie Brooks and Tinchy Stryder.
0:49:11 > 0:49:13Charlie and Tinchy, it's time to find out what you know
0:49:13 > 0:49:17about your fellow British celebs, this is our Celebs Unzipped board.
0:49:20 > 0:49:22As you can see, there's some beautiful celebrity faces
0:49:22 > 0:49:25staring down at you from that board.
0:49:25 > 0:49:28Including influential artists whose work is redefining
0:49:28 > 0:49:30the contemporary musical landscape. Katy B, Rihanna,
0:49:30 > 0:49:32and half of defunct boy band Blue -
0:49:32 > 0:49:34Antony Costa and Simon Webbe,
0:49:34 > 0:49:37forced to humiliatingly share a square to make up
0:49:37 > 0:49:39the necessary celeb credits.
0:49:39 > 0:49:41All you need to do is pick a square and answer a question
0:49:41 > 0:49:43about the celebrity featured.
0:49:43 > 0:49:46All these questions are related to the stats we've uncovered.
0:49:46 > 0:49:48Get enough questions right and you'll win
0:49:48 > 0:49:51a drink for everyone in tonight's studio audience.
0:49:51 > 0:49:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:49:54 > 0:49:57And this week's prize is a very classy cocktail.
0:49:57 > 0:50:02Yeah, so if this goes well, everyone wins a mojito.
0:50:02 > 0:50:04# Papa Americano... #
0:50:10 > 0:50:12MUSIC STOPS
0:50:12 > 0:50:16So, Miss Brooks and Mr Stryder, the pressure is on.
0:50:16 > 0:50:19Can I please have the sort of music that promises three things -
0:50:19 > 0:50:25A, tension, two, drama and C, it makes the camera go, ooohh!
0:50:26 > 0:50:28DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:50:28 > 0:50:30That's the stuff.
0:50:30 > 0:50:34Kinda perfect. Charlie and Tinchy pick your first celebrity, please.
0:50:34 > 0:50:38- Who do you think, Tinch? - Fearne Cotton.- OK.
0:50:40 > 0:50:4368% of women would consider plastic surgery,
0:50:43 > 0:50:47but when we asked Fearne what one bit of cosmetic surgery
0:50:47 > 0:50:52she would have, did she say nostril reduction or boob uplift?
0:50:52 > 0:50:57I think you need boobs to have an uplift. So...nostrils.
0:50:57 > 0:50:59What are you saying?
0:50:59 > 0:51:03You know what? Nostrils. Nostrils.
0:51:03 > 0:51:06Is her answer nostrils? Let's find out.
0:51:06 > 0:51:10Most people are going to go, "Uh, your nostrils probably." Erm, no.
0:51:10 > 0:51:17Say I have kids one day and these are a bit low, I might have them
0:51:17 > 0:51:21all hoofed up, but I don't really like the idea of any of it,
0:51:21 > 0:51:24but that would be the one if they were really swinging by the knees.
0:51:24 > 0:51:29- Fail.- It was wrong. - Pick another one, please.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32Let's go with my old colleague Joe Swash.
0:51:32 > 0:51:35It's now time for the Joe Swash question of the week.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37LAUGHTER
0:51:37 > 0:51:4069% of British men prefer wearing boxers to any other
0:51:40 > 0:51:44type of underwear, but when we asked Joe Swash what he likes to wear,
0:51:44 > 0:51:46did he say boxers or, it depends on the weather?
0:51:48 > 0:51:51It depends on the weather, knowing Joe, he's a bit of a cheeky chap.
0:51:51 > 0:51:53OK, let's have a look.
0:51:54 > 0:51:57So, pants, what pants do I wear? Which do I prefer?
0:51:57 > 0:51:59It's like a seasonal thing.
0:51:59 > 0:52:02You should wear tight boxers in the winter, you know,
0:52:02 > 0:52:04keep everything warm and in place.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07Then in the summer, it's a little bit hotter, you want to be freer,
0:52:07 > 0:52:10let things wobble about a little bit,
0:52:10 > 0:52:12you wear the loose boxers.
0:52:12 > 0:52:14In the summer, the height of the summer,
0:52:14 > 0:52:18you just put Y-fronts on or do what I do and don't wear no pants.
0:52:21 > 0:52:24So, you were right. That's good. That's good.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25Pick another, please.
0:52:25 > 0:52:32- Jeff Brazier.- OK.
0:52:32 > 0:52:365% of men have drunk their own urine.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38AUDIENCE GROANS
0:52:38 > 0:52:39Girls, chill out.
0:52:39 > 0:52:43Do you think Jeff Brazier has?
0:52:43 > 0:52:45He's a lad, innit!
0:52:45 > 0:52:50- Yes.- I think he has. - Let's have a look.
0:52:53 > 0:52:57I have drunk my urine many a time.
0:52:57 > 0:53:00When I was about 19 or 20, I had a particular group of friends,
0:53:00 > 0:53:03could not have had any more fun than with these guys.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07But when one lad would go to the toilet we would grab their drink
0:53:07 > 0:53:12off the bar and all basically have a go at squeezing some wee into it.
0:53:12 > 0:53:15Lads! Lads!
0:53:16 > 0:53:18It's only lads together!
0:53:18 > 0:53:23- We are just lads! - Amazingly, that's correct.- Yes!
0:53:23 > 0:53:27Very good.
0:53:27 > 0:53:31- Pick another one, please. - Who do you think? Maybe...- Russell.
0:53:31 > 0:53:34Let's go Russell.
0:53:36 > 0:53:38Here is the Russell question.
0:53:38 > 0:53:45- We asked Russell if anyone had ever caught him masturbating.- Yes!
0:53:45 > 0:53:51- We know it's a yes.- OK. - But who caught him?
0:53:51 > 0:53:56- AUDIENCE: Mum.- His mum or his nan?
0:53:57 > 0:54:00Shame on you!
0:54:02 > 0:54:04His grandma.
0:54:04 > 0:54:06You are saying that Russell's nan
0:54:06 > 0:54:11caught him doing shots with himself.
0:54:11 > 0:54:14- Did your nan catch you doing shots with yourself?- Yes.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20How embarrassing.
0:54:20 > 0:54:22How was it? Paint a picture.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24I will do the concise version.
0:54:24 > 0:54:26- Is that a true story? - I am afraid it is.
0:54:26 > 0:54:30My mum is in the audience. This is a bit awkward.
0:54:30 > 0:54:32You know when you have been clubbing until 6.00am
0:54:32 > 0:54:34and you have been near the speaker...
0:54:34 > 0:54:37- White noise.- Right. I got in at 6.00am, my nan was already up,
0:54:37 > 0:54:39alcoholics get up early.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44I didn't hear her, she was knocking to see if I was all right,
0:54:44 > 0:54:45cos I come in quite late.
0:54:45 > 0:54:48I can't cope.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50I was already at it on the bed,
0:54:50 > 0:54:52completely naked with a paper-based porn crescent.
0:54:52 > 0:54:54LAUGHTER
0:54:56 > 0:54:57I didn't hear anything
0:54:57 > 0:55:00and you know like in real life when something really surprising happens
0:55:00 > 0:55:03you don't have time for what I call a white-arse get-out,
0:55:03 > 0:55:04which is a, "Get out!"
0:55:04 > 0:55:08I just completely froze, the door opened and I was like...
0:55:10 > 0:55:14It gets worse.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17What's the worst possible thing you can say at that moment,
0:55:17 > 0:55:19but also the most natural, is this?
0:55:19 > 0:55:21"Nan!"
0:55:21 > 0:55:25There was just a pause and nothing happens.
0:55:25 > 0:55:27One of the worst moments of my life.
0:55:27 > 0:55:31She went out of the door, closing it really slowly and these -
0:55:31 > 0:55:35this is what she said, "I am sorry, love, I am just so sorry for you."
0:55:43 > 0:55:47- That is...- Brilliant.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50I think I have been brought up quite nicely. Well done.
0:55:51 > 0:55:54So, you have won tonight. Amazingly!
0:55:58 > 0:56:01Thanks to you two, everyone here tonight has won mojitos.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03# Papa Americano... #
0:56:03 > 0:56:06That's all we have time for tonight.
0:56:06 > 0:56:09A huge thank you to our special guests, Charlie and Tinchy.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:56:11 > 0:56:14Thanks to Jack and Alana from Man Vs Woman,
0:56:14 > 0:56:16- and Ruby and the girls in Essex. - Shut up! Random.
0:56:16 > 0:56:20We will be back next week for the final episode.
0:56:21 > 0:56:24Until then, don't forget you can complete the Unzipped report online,
0:56:24 > 0:56:26just go to the BBC Three website.
0:56:26 > 0:56:28Thanks for watching and see you next time.
0:56:36 > 0:56:39Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd