0:00:02 > 0:00:04'It was a show that went out three nights a week, live...'
0:00:04 > 0:00:05Mr Wogan, you're on...
0:00:05 > 0:00:09'..with a live audience and everyone who is anyone dropping in,
0:00:09 > 0:00:12'the great and the good, the bad and the ugly
0:00:12 > 0:00:15'and they called it Wogan. Ha! I never knew why.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17'So, if you're sitting comfortably,
0:00:17 > 0:00:20'I'll show you something I made earlier.'
0:00:20 > 0:00:23God knows what they'll make of us in 25 years' time.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Welcome. Now, today we're hoping to put a smile
0:00:38 > 0:00:40on your crusty old features
0:00:40 > 0:00:42with some big names from the world of comedy
0:00:42 > 0:00:46who dropped by over the years and tickled our funny bones.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49They include John Cleese,
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Joan Rivers,
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Ronnie Barker,
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Rik Mayall
0:00:53 > 0:00:55and Bob Hope.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58We're starting with two men who found huge success
0:00:58 > 0:00:59as a great comic duo
0:00:59 > 0:01:03and then even greater success branching off on their own.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Here they are, back in the days when they seemed to be joined at the hip,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Could you give us a picture of your working day?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15How does your day...?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Not a photograph, no, just a sort of mental picture.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- I mean, basically, how do two people write together...- Yes.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- ..is the endless question... - That's what he's asking.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Oh, yes, that's right.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Does one person hold the pencil
0:01:28 > 0:01:30and the other person write, as it were?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- Who writes the music? - Does one person pace up and down? That kind of thing.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Well, we have this thing of sitting in front of different desks.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Very important, different desks.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41And essentially what happens is, you know,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44I'll write something and get fed up with it and give it to Hugh
0:01:44 > 0:01:47and he'll give me what he's doing - we swap work, essentially.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Are you sensitive to criticism from each other?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Do you boldly criticise each other? Because you are chums.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55We are chums, but we don't boldly criticise each other, we have...
0:01:55 > 0:01:58We basically say exactly the same thing -
0:01:58 > 0:02:00whether we think it's great or terrible,
0:02:00 > 0:02:01we say, "That's great!"
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Yes. GENTLE LAUGHTER
0:02:02 > 0:02:05But you can say, "That's great!" Or you can say...
0:02:05 > 0:02:07- LOWER PITCH - .."That's great."
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- There's a very big difference. - There is.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11- And you're sensitive to that? - Absolutely.- Yes.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14We criticise ourselves...
0:02:14 > 0:02:15I mean, I'll write something and say,
0:02:15 > 0:02:18"Hugh, this is completely awful, terrible, worst thing ever written,
0:02:18 > 0:02:20"but perhaps you can do something with it.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23And he'll say, "No, it's brilliant, it's not as bad as this."
0:02:23 > 0:02:24And he gives me what he's written
0:02:24 > 0:02:26and I say, "Yours is brilliant, mine is awful",
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- and it goes on like that - feeble, really.- Awful, yes.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Do you ever find yourselves, now you've worked together for so long,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35do you find yourselves writing the same lines, doing the same stuff?
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- Independent of each other? - Er...
0:02:38 > 0:02:40BOTH: Sometimes.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Oh, you see? Isn't it incredible? Amazing.- Extraordinary.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Can't be just coincidence.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47There's some kind of extrasensory thing going on.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51- That's right, and we often finish our own...- Um, sentence...
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- I was going to say breakfast. - Oh, breakfast... LAUGHTER
0:02:54 > 0:02:55- Yes.- It is uncanny.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58And you're also going to be seen as Jeeves and Wooster again?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- Series three of that? - This is true, yes.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- Yes. That's very good fun to do. - It must be great.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Dressing up in those clothes and everything.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Great clothes, great cars and everything.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08And also, because we don't write it,
0:03:08 > 0:03:11the scripts arrive in beautiful brown envelopes and they're great,
0:03:11 > 0:03:13you don't have to worry about what you say, just read it out.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- Well, you learn it, then read it out, people would notice... - LAUGHTER
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- That would be shoddy, frankly, it would be shoddy.- Yes.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22But that is great fun, it really is.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I noticed, however, that the pair of you are really slipping in
0:03:26 > 0:03:29to the old Des O'Connor-Bruce Forsyth syndrome, aren't you?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- Hello?- Appalling thing to say. - LAUGHTER
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- No, no, no.- I have lawyers, you know.- Be fair.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- Be fair - you've got an album from the series coming up.- Oh.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41- Oh, yes, I see, yes, I see. - Yes, referring to the album.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43More bum than Al, I think, in this case...
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Are you singing?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Yes, there is singing. - Who's singing?- Hugh's singing.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48- I do a bit of singing.- Do you?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Hugh's got a wonderful, Hugh is musically brilliant.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53I'm sorry, but he is, and he refuses to come out about it.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57And I'm outing him now. LAUGHTER
0:03:57 > 0:03:58He can play anything, he really can.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Mouth organ, saxophone, piano and guitar and I am hopeless.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04What do you do? Do you tap dance in the background?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06No, well, there's some dialogue written.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09It's not just songs, there's bits of dialogue in it.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13I sprechgesang, as I believe it's called,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15you know, like Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady -
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I sort of speak, but I have Van Gogh's ear for music.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I must say, it sounds as if it's not going to work.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24LAUGHTER
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- Yes.- The surprising thing is it does.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27TERRY LAUGHS
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- Are we overselling it?- Yeah.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33- No...- It's a cracking, well, they've also taken the period, I mean,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36the actual '20s and '30s dance tunes of the day
0:04:36 > 0:04:38were just fabulous stuff, you know,
0:04:38 > 0:04:42and the arrangements that they got, you know, your foot is tapping.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- Is it?- Not now.- No.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47But it will be when you put it on your CD player,
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- as I'm sure you will.- Grand.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Now, you published a novel.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56- Yes.- A slim volume this year and achieved some acclaim...
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Yes, most extraordinary. I don't know how it happened, it's very peculiar.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03You don't expect these things to occur at all
0:05:03 > 0:05:07and it seems to be well received and selling very well and I keep
0:05:07 > 0:05:10thinking there must be another book of the same name by someone
0:05:10 > 0:05:13also called Stephen Fry because it's very, very hard to believe.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15There's something very permanent about a book.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17It's very different from a television series.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20You go into a bookshop and you actually see it there, physically.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21But now you can talk on the same level
0:05:21 > 0:05:25as you can talk to people like Clive James, can't you?
0:05:25 > 0:05:26No, no, I don't think so.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28I hope I've written a bit higher than that.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30I don't want to sound vain,
0:05:30 > 0:05:33but I hope we've peaked at a few hundred feet, base camp three.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Have you any ambitions at all? I suppose you're jealous, aren't you?
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- Deeply jealous, yes, it's maddening. - Tish!
0:05:40 > 0:05:43No, well...I think if I ever did it...
0:05:43 > 0:05:46If I ever did it, I don't think I'd have the nerve
0:05:46 > 0:05:47to do it under my own name.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- Would it be sexy, racy stuff? - Oh, lots of sex.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Masses of sex in it, obviously.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I thought, well, I may just pretend that I've already
0:05:54 > 0:05:56done that under another name and I may just pretend...
0:05:56 > 0:06:00Better sexy and racy than sexist and racist. Isn't that a lovely thought?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Nicely put.- To take into 1992.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05- What a lovely way to finish the interview.- Lovely, lovely way.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09- Thank you very much.- Huge pleasure. - Yes, and you.- Not at all.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12APPLAUSE
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Now, half of one of television's funniest ever double acts.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Only half. I don't want you to peak too soon.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30But I'm sure there'll be no complaints,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32because it's the bigger Ronnie,
0:06:32 > 0:06:37appearing without his little chum, but I asked about him anyway.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39What about this Corbett person that you work with?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- He's a man, he's a man. - Is he?- A man, yes.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- How do you get on with him?- Eh?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- How do you get on with him? - I just throw me leg over.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Let's have the truth.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Well, I just...
0:06:53 > 0:06:55I take him out in the morning, fit him up
0:06:55 > 0:06:57and work through the day,
0:06:57 > 0:07:01put him back in the box and that's his part.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03No, we get on very... We have a lovely time.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06We're rehearsing very hard, we've been rehearsing all today
0:07:06 > 0:07:10with those lovely ladies and 12 more and we're working hard.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Do you fight over scripts?- No. - Do you have disagreements?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16We have exactly the same sense of humour. Exactly.
0:07:16 > 0:07:21We don't even have to ask each other whether a line is funny.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Well, you do, you say,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24"So, what shall we cut here? That line?"
0:07:24 > 0:07:26"Yes. That's out, that's out."
0:07:26 > 0:07:28"That's good." "Yes, that's fine."
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Then we'll cut down to here. We are identical. It's amazing.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33It's a very fortuitous meeting,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36it was a very fortuitous meeting with David Frost all those years ago.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Is there a danger, when you're working,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41that because you're writing your own stuff
0:07:41 > 0:07:45and virtually producing it, as well, that you can become self-indulgent?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Yes. There is a great danger
0:07:48 > 0:07:50and I think you have to fight it when you can.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Obviously, bits slip through.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Eventually, if I look at a thing three months later, I think,
0:07:55 > 0:08:00well, those very words - "We were self-indulgent there."
0:08:00 > 0:08:03But you do try and fight it, you've got to.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06It's for that reason that I hate now that people know that
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I write the scripts, because they used not to know.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10I used to write under a pseudonym that no-one knew
0:08:10 > 0:08:13and it was wonderful then because they just...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15You got their true opinion.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17A script came in and I pretended I had never seen it before
0:08:17 > 0:08:20and we sat and read it and someone said, "That's not bad."
0:08:20 > 0:08:22I said, "It's pretty good. Put it in the pile and we'll do that."
0:08:22 > 0:08:25And another one would come in, that I'd written,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28sent in through my agent in various ways and they'd say,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31"Oh, he's let us down this time, that's rubbish."
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I'd read it and say, "Rubbish, throw it away."
0:08:34 > 0:08:35I would be glad to do that, you see,
0:08:35 > 0:08:38because the decisions were being made for me.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41I was being judged on my work, truly.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45I didn't have to worry about people trying not to offend me.
0:08:45 > 0:08:51Now, I bring in a script and they say, "Yes, very good, very good."
0:08:51 > 0:08:54And I wonder whether they mean that. They might not.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56They're too worried to offend me to say so.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Can you be dispassionate enough about your own work
0:08:59 > 0:09:00to reject it yourself?
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Well, I don't think that's possible.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05If you've just written a script,
0:09:05 > 0:09:08you don't write things you don't like,
0:09:08 > 0:09:10you don't write in, "Right, I'll put a bad line in here", do you?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13You write...everything that's in the script...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15You read it through and say,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17"Maybe that's too long, I'll take it out."
0:09:17 > 0:09:18When you look at it, you think,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21"That is as good as I can make it. That's how I want it."
0:09:21 > 0:09:23But it may not necessarily be good enough.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25You're saying yourself, "That is fine."
0:09:25 > 0:09:27But other people look at it in the same...
0:09:27 > 0:09:30"Well, he thinks that's funny but it isn't really."
0:09:30 > 0:09:32You can't judge your own work, really.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I have to rely on people being as honest as they can.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38How much longer do you think the Two Ronnies can run?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41SIGHING: Um...
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I don't know - six, seven, eight...
0:09:47 > 0:09:48..days?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51No, I don't know. I think it can go on as long as...
0:09:51 > 0:09:54You've got to stop it just before people want you to stop it,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- that's the thing. - How do you know?- Exactly.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00It's like stop before you hear the bang, when you're backing a car.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03You have to stop before you hear the bang and that's what you have to do.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05But nobody is nobody is able, are they?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08No, no, but you can get a slight slide,
0:10:08 > 0:10:12little tiny feeling of something a bit stale.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17Traditionally, when that begins to happen to great comedians,
0:10:17 > 0:10:20comics or comic acts or actors,
0:10:20 > 0:10:24they take the money and go to the other side.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27The other side, yes. I don't think it helps, does it?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31It doesn't make a bit of difference which side you're on.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37It's the writing, it's the scripts, it's the people you work with.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40The actors you work with. Of course, the directors matter.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42If you go over and find a terrible director,
0:10:42 > 0:10:45the show won't be as good, but I think people go...
0:10:45 > 0:10:48When they go, they change the format, as well.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52But if you do a comedy show and you throw out your writers and say,
0:10:52 > 0:10:55"I'm going to ITV," you go over and get a new lot of writers.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57We're going to do it all different, we're not going to sit there
0:10:57 > 0:11:00and have news items and all that and a musical bit at the end.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Throw all that out. We've these new writers.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Then you can go - zump! - like that.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07You think the same format should be sustained?
0:11:07 > 0:11:10If you're going to continue with The Two Ronnies,
0:11:10 > 0:11:12you should have the news at the beginning,
0:11:12 > 0:11:13a little bit and then various sketches
0:11:13 > 0:11:16and the same format sustained?
0:11:16 > 0:11:20I think we were...unluckily lucky.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Unluckily lucky. I mean...what do I mean?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Unluckily fortunate.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Luckily, we were unfortunate.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29No, unfortunately, we were lucky - that's it, yes.
0:11:29 > 0:11:35Because we hit on a very good format for episode one of series one
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and if you've got a good format, you do think you ought to change it
0:11:38 > 0:11:41and we've been thinking, "Shall we change something?"
0:11:41 > 0:11:43But then you try and change it and think,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45"Well, that's not better, that's worse."
0:11:45 > 0:11:48So, in other words, if you're onto a good thing, stick to it
0:11:48 > 0:11:53until someone suddenly says it's not so good or it's slightly good.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56May I mention - I'm sure I can mention now to you, lovely friends -
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Morecambe and Wise?
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Now, you see, I think...
0:11:59 > 0:12:00People have said to me,
0:12:00 > 0:12:05"Morecambe and Wise isn't what it was when it was on the BBC."
0:12:05 > 0:12:08I don't know why they say that. I think it's exactly the same.
0:12:08 > 0:12:14I think when you move, people also expect you to be much better,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16not just the same, and if you're just the same,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18it seems to them as if you've gone down.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22I don't think...I think they are exactly as good as they ever were.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24But I think it's a very dangerous thing to move about.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Why move about, honestly? It's lovely here, isn't it?
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- Don't you like it here? - I like it here.- Sunny, look at it.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Mind you, it's the day before yesterday.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37It is, yes. By today, it'll be pouring with rain.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40I like you because you're a very well set-up man.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41- Fat, you mean.- Like myself.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45You know this latest thing about keeping fit
0:12:45 > 0:12:47and we've all seen Harry Secombe.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Harry Secombe, now, has lost 4st.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52He weighs exactly the same as me now. 14st 10.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54He's the same height as me,
0:12:54 > 0:12:56but I now look twice as big as him, don't I?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59We're the same...
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- Can I stand up?- Stand up. - I mean, may I stand up?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04I know I can, I haven't been drinking.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07What a fine figure of a man.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19But you see, I look twice as big as Harry, don't I?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21"Hello, folks!"
0:13:21 > 0:13:23That's Eric Morecambe's saying.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Do you think if you did lose weight...?
0:13:25 > 0:13:26- Oh, my feet - eh?- Put them up here.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Do you think if you did lose weight...
0:13:28 > 0:13:30LAUGHTER
0:13:30 > 0:13:33..that you'd lose some of your charm and popularity?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Er...well, I wouldn't lose any of my charm.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39I might lose a little popularity, I suppose, yes.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43How many knots have you got in these?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Sir John Notts, they are.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Whatever happened to him?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50He, er...are looking for holes in my socks?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Argh! RONNIE LAUGHS
0:13:52 > 0:13:56I was letting him tie them together, I thought he was going to tie the two together.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58You see, I was playing feed.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Are you a funny man at home?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02No - I never go home, no.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11Sometimes I'm funny.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I make my wife laugh, but she'd laugh to see a pudding crawl, as they say.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19That's the essence of a happy marriage,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21as long as you can make your wife laugh.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Well, I made her laugh the first night.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31It wasn't all merry banter and manly joshing.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Wogan was awash with this song as well as story.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Take young Phil Collins, for example.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46# I need love, love
0:14:46 > 0:14:49# Ooh, to ease my mind
0:14:49 > 0:14:51# And I need to find time
0:14:51 > 0:14:53# Someone to call mine
0:14:53 > 0:14:54# My mama said
0:14:54 > 0:14:56# You can't hurry love
0:14:56 > 0:14:58# No, you'll just have to wait
0:14:58 > 0:15:01# She said love don't come easy
0:15:01 > 0:15:04# But it's a game of give and take
0:15:04 > 0:15:06# You can't hurry love
0:15:06 > 0:15:08# No, you'll just have to wait
0:15:08 > 0:15:11# Just trust in a good time
0:15:11 > 0:15:13# No matter how long it takes
0:15:13 > 0:15:18# How many heartaches must I stand
0:15:18 > 0:15:23# Before I find the love to let me live again?
0:15:23 > 0:15:28# Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
0:15:28 > 0:15:30# When I feel my strength
0:15:30 > 0:15:32# You know it's almost gone
0:15:32 > 0:15:33# I remember Mama said
0:15:33 > 0:15:35# You can't hurry love
0:15:35 > 0:15:38# No, you'll just have to wait
0:15:38 > 0:15:41# She said love don't come easy
0:15:41 > 0:15:43# It's a game of give and take
0:15:43 > 0:15:45# How long must I wait?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47# How much more must I take
0:15:47 > 0:15:50# Before loneliness
0:15:50 > 0:15:53# Will cause my heart, heart to break?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57# No, I can't bear to live my life alone
0:15:57 > 0:16:02# I grow impatient for a love to call my own
0:16:02 > 0:16:04# But when I feel that I
0:16:04 > 0:16:07# I can't go on
0:16:07 > 0:16:09# When I feel my strength
0:16:09 > 0:16:11# You know it's almost gone
0:16:11 > 0:16:12# I remember Mama said
0:16:12 > 0:16:14# You can't hurry love
0:16:14 > 0:16:17# No, you'll just have to wait
0:16:17 > 0:16:19# She said love don't come easy
0:16:19 > 0:16:22# It's a game of give and take
0:16:22 > 0:16:24# You can't hurry love
0:16:24 > 0:16:27# You'll just have to wait
0:16:27 > 0:16:29# Just trust in a good time
0:16:29 > 0:16:31# No matter how long it takes
0:16:31 > 0:16:33# Now break
0:16:34 > 0:16:39# Now love, love don't come easy
0:16:39 > 0:16:41# But I keep on waiting
0:16:41 > 0:16:43# Anticipating
0:16:43 > 0:16:46# For that soft voice
0:16:46 > 0:16:48# To talk to me at night
0:16:48 > 0:16:51# For some tender arms
0:16:51 > 0:16:53# Hold me tight
0:16:53 > 0:16:55# I keep waiting
0:16:55 > 0:16:58# Ooh, till that day
0:16:58 > 0:17:00# But it ain't easy
0:17:00 > 0:17:02# No, it ain't easy
0:17:02 > 0:17:03# My mama said
0:17:03 > 0:17:05# You can't hurry love
0:17:05 > 0:17:08# No, you'll just have to wait
0:17:08 > 0:17:11# She said love don't come easy
0:17:11 > 0:17:13# It's a game of give and take
0:17:13 > 0:17:15# You can't hurry love
0:17:15 > 0:17:18# No, you'll just have to wait
0:17:18 > 0:17:21# She said trust in the good times
0:17:21 > 0:17:22# No matter how long it takes
0:17:22 > 0:17:24# Now break. #
0:17:25 > 0:17:27APPLAUSE
0:17:32 > 0:17:37Now, an old appearance from a Young One in his prime.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40The late Rik Mayall, no less, who, back then,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42was at the forefront of a new wave of humour
0:17:42 > 0:17:44they called alternative comedy
0:17:44 > 0:17:47and they didn't mean it as an alternative to laughter.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53APPLAUSE
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Er, hi.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Hi, er, my name is Rik.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25LAUGHTER
0:18:25 > 0:18:26What?
0:18:28 > 0:18:29What is it?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33What is it? What's going on?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39You're a pretty nutty bunch, aren't you?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42I'm pretty nutty, as well, I don't care what I do.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46I broke a teacup in the dressing room just now, just like that.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I mean, it was an accident and everything
0:18:48 > 0:18:49but I didn't report it or anything.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51I'm just mad, mad!
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Knowing me, it's a bit like being on the road with the Who.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Actually, in fact, one of my friends said that to me the other day.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59He said, "Hey, Rik,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02"knowing you is a bit like being on the road with The Who, isn't it?"
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I said, "With the who?"
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Straight off that top of my head.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I hadn't planned to say it or anything.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09It was mad, I don't care.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11HE BLOWS RASPBERRIES
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Can you see all right at the back?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Well, what are you doing wearing glasses then?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Because it was dead.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33No, we're all potty - I'm potty and all my friends are potty as well.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37In fact, the other night, right, we were all in the pub together
0:19:37 > 0:19:39and...well, I was in a different pub
0:19:39 > 0:19:42because they told me the wrong pub to go to as a joke.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44And...
0:19:44 > 0:19:45That's true.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48But I found out where they were because I went to Timmy's
0:19:48 > 0:19:51and paid his mother to tell me where they were.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I went along and as soon as I got in there, they all said,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57"Oh, God, it's Rik. We're going to a party and you're not invited."
0:19:57 > 0:19:58And they all ran away.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I chased after them and they jumped onto the bus
0:20:00 > 0:20:02and I couldn't quite catch up.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03I was running alongside the bus
0:20:03 > 0:20:06and they were throwing cans of lager at my head
0:20:06 > 0:20:09and swearing and everything and telling me that nobody liked me.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10It was brilliant.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14And then, I chased them for about five miles
0:20:14 > 0:20:16and we got to the house where the party was
0:20:16 > 0:20:18and it was my house.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20They said, "You're still not invited."
0:20:20 > 0:20:22And they went in and they smashed it all to pieces.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24And I had to pay.
0:20:24 > 0:20:29It was brilliant. We do loads of jokes like that all the time.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Anyway...
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I wasn't going to do this.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35But seeing as you're all such fascists,
0:20:35 > 0:20:36as a special treat,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39I'm going to bring down the state tonight.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43And that is why I've written a poem - pretty heavy poem, actually.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45And, er...
0:20:45 > 0:20:47AUDIENCE MEMBER LAUGHS
0:20:47 > 0:20:49And shut up, please.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51It's easy to laugh, isn't it?
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Shut up, shut up!
0:20:57 > 0:21:00It's an angry poem I've written and it's called Thatcher.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02And I'm working on it at the moment.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05THATCHER!
0:21:06 > 0:21:09That's about as far as I've got with it at the moment.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12APPLAUSE
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Oh, shut up, shut up!
0:21:19 > 0:21:24Lastly tonight, I'd like to recite the whole of my last novel,
0:21:24 > 0:21:27which is called "Cliff Richard, 1,000 Glorious Years."
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- Rik?- Yes?- Shut up.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Sorry, Terry.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40If only they were all so obedient. I don't think he meant it, anyway.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42That would never work on John Cleese.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46He's taller than me, for one thing. He's taller than anybody.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Here we find this comedy giant holding forth on British humour.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54A subject he knows, well, a fair bit about.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Yes, I reckon that we're taught very early on that it's extremely
0:21:58 > 0:22:02important to feel embarrassed most of the time
0:22:02 > 0:22:05and then hide that embarrassment.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07When I was young, I used to have enormous fun
0:22:07 > 0:22:10exploiting that on tube trains
0:22:10 > 0:22:12because I used to do terrible things.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13I used to...
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Do all this for about four minutes, quietly.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35And I'd already pick someone in the corner of the carriage
0:22:35 > 0:22:37and just at that moment, I'd go...
0:22:38 > 0:22:42And I'd look straight at him, you know, and he'd be looking.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45The English are wonderful, aren't they?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47They must never ever admit that anything is going on
0:22:47 > 0:22:49that's making them uncomfortable.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51I remember when we were shooting
0:22:51 > 0:22:53And Now For Something Completely Different,
0:22:53 > 0:22:55years ago, and there was a bank robber sketch
0:22:55 > 0:22:56which Eric Idle had written
0:22:56 > 0:22:59and I was fully dressed as a bank robber.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02I had the black trousers, I had the black and white stripes
0:23:02 > 0:23:07and the little mask and a great big bag marked "SWAG."
0:23:07 > 0:23:10And after we finished the sketch, I saw it was 2:55
0:23:10 > 0:23:12and I had to cash a cheque, you see.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I went into the bank...
0:23:17 > 0:23:19I chickened out the mask. I took the mask off
0:23:19 > 0:23:21but I did have the bag saying "SWAG"
0:23:21 > 0:23:23and I remember, I eventually got to the front of the queue
0:23:23 > 0:23:27and the cashier looked up and said, "Yes?"
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Absolutely nothing.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33I said, "I'd like to cash a cheque, please."
0:23:33 > 0:23:34"Right."
0:23:34 > 0:23:37No recognition that anything was going on.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40That's what makes the British unbeatable, I'm sure.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44It's that pretending that nothing has happened.
0:23:44 > 0:23:49Absolutely. When you get a drunk in the Tube, you know?
0:23:49 > 0:23:50He's lying like this.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I'll try not to do an Irish accent.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02He's doing all that and cursing and saying terrible things
0:24:02 > 0:24:06and everybody's sitting there reading the frozen pea advertisements.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Memorising them by heart.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13I just... not showing by the merest flicker.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17That's what you parody or that's what you've traditionally parodied.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Are you a great observer, then, of human nature
0:24:20 > 0:24:23or an observer of people in the street?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Do you put it in your memory and use it later
0:24:25 > 0:24:26or is it spontaneous?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I'd love to say yes. I think I'm better.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32I reckon I always really worked in stereotypes
0:24:32 > 0:24:34and I think in Python, we always worked in stereotypes
0:24:34 > 0:24:37but I think my observation is getting a little bit better now.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Yes, I think so.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42When you get a character that you decide to parody,
0:24:42 > 0:24:45do you have someone in your mind that you've seen on the Tube?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48It's usually the flimsiest idea,
0:24:48 > 0:24:50absolutely the flimsiest little notion.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52It sometimes starts from a single line.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57I remember I rather liked a sketch I wrote about a merchant banker
0:24:57 > 0:24:59in Monty Python and it all came
0:24:59 > 0:25:01because I had been introduced to one at the party
0:25:01 > 0:25:04and he had done that marvellous thing about shaking hands with you
0:25:04 > 0:25:09without looking at you, which is the ultimate squish.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11When they say, "Would you like to meet Terry Wogan?
0:25:11 > 0:25:12He goes...
0:25:14 > 0:25:16And, you know, afterwards, I was really cross
0:25:16 > 0:25:18because he'd squashed me so much
0:25:18 > 0:25:22and I have this line in my mind in which he somehow said,
0:25:22 > 0:25:24he said, "I forgot my name at the moment
0:25:24 > 0:25:26"but I am a merchant banker."
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Somehow, that was his essence much more than his name.
0:25:30 > 0:25:36Just kind of based on that one silly little line, a whole sketch came.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38It is game playing, isn't it?
0:25:38 > 0:25:42That's the public school thing of you must try and get on top
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- because otherwise you'll be crushed to death.- I don't know.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I think it depends on...
0:25:47 > 0:25:50I think it may depend on the school you may go to.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53If you go to Harrow or Eton, maybe you're taught to be on top
0:25:53 > 0:25:57but I think where I went, I wasn't taught to be on top,
0:25:57 > 0:26:00I was taught to be jolly nice and awfully apologetic
0:26:00 > 0:26:02and absolutely not annoy anyone at all
0:26:02 > 0:26:05and apologise three times in every sentence.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08I remember being in America about two years ago
0:26:08 > 0:26:10and I was trying to think what it was about Americans
0:26:10 > 0:26:13that I liked and didn't like and comparing with the English.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I just sat down at a dinner table and there were a lot of English
0:26:16 > 0:26:19and a lot of American all mixed up and at one point,
0:26:19 > 0:26:21an Englishman actually wanted the salt.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Being English, he didn't say, "Would you pass the salt?"
0:26:25 > 0:26:30He said, "Erm... Sorry.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34That's it, yes. "Sorry" is how you ask for the salt.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41It's true, I think we were all trained to be vastly apologetic
0:26:41 > 0:26:43and not be pushy at all.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Well, like I've done with you, you see.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48If I was sitting up properly, I'm up there.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Well, that would look too damn arrogant, so I sort of go...
0:26:54 > 0:26:56You notice how I slid down to join you.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Something interesting could develop.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07In one bound from one performer who's caused outrage in his time,
0:27:07 > 0:27:12to another who caused it all the time - Joan Rivers.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14"Can we talk?" was her favourite catchphrase.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16A rhetorical question.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18She could talk the hind legs off a donkey.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22In this case, the ass was obviously me.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31Have you any idea why you've been a star for...well,
0:27:31 > 0:27:32a couple of years in the States?
0:27:32 > 0:27:35A megastar, very big star.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Why has it taken us so long to cotton on to you, do you think?
0:27:37 > 0:27:41Well, I always wanted to come over here and work here
0:27:41 > 0:27:44but I don't like airlines so I decided to walk.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47No, I was always scared to come over.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49I never thought they would think I was funny here
0:27:49 > 0:27:51because I wanted them to like me so much.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54So, you don't want to do something sometimes and then fail.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Finally, last year, my husband...
0:27:57 > 0:27:59We had a record, and they bought the record over first,
0:27:59 > 0:28:02and when the record did well, called Can We Talk, came over here,
0:28:02 > 0:28:04they said, "Now you can come over."
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I let the record go first to break it in.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Your kind of humour, do you have to have people like you?
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Because your humour is kind of abrasive and sharp, isn't it?
0:28:13 > 0:28:15I think...I don't know if they have to like it.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18They have to know you're kidding. Does that make sense?
0:28:18 > 0:28:20If you're going to say outrageous things,
0:28:20 > 0:28:24they've got to know that it's just being silly, not being mean.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26There's a big difference.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Your problem is the problem that British comedians
0:28:28 > 0:28:30would have in the States -
0:28:30 > 0:28:33understanding the vernacular, understanding your basic humour.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36And also having people find you.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Benny Hill is a tremendous hit in the States
0:28:38 > 0:28:42and he's a tremendous hit because he went on a little tiny programme
0:28:42 > 0:28:45in a little crummy station and everyone kept saying, "Look..."
0:28:45 > 0:28:48He didn't come on saying, "Here I am."
0:28:48 > 0:28:52Some stars come on - "Here you are" - and they go...
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Julio Iglesias. Did he come on...? Well.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57He came to the States, "Here I am, wow, wow, wow",
0:28:57 > 0:28:58and we were all went...
0:29:01 > 0:29:05You know, you don't want to come on like, "Take a look."
0:29:05 > 0:29:08If they took a look, they'd panic.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11You're also known as the meanest bitch in America.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Victoria Principal called you that.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15No, she was talking about you.
0:29:18 > 0:29:24No, my husband called me that. No, I just talk about things.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27I call the shots as I see them.
0:29:27 > 0:29:32I say things that you say in private. Does that make sense?
0:29:32 > 0:29:35I say things in public that other people will see something
0:29:35 > 0:29:37and say it to a friend on the telephone.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40Yeah, but doesn't that make you very unpopular?
0:29:40 > 0:29:42No, because it's the truth.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45Also I'm not hanging out with these people.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48But you must meet them occasionally in a social context in Hollywood.
0:29:48 > 0:29:52You must meet, sometimes, the people you've been nasty about.
0:29:52 > 0:29:56- Liz Taylor.- What I did say about Elizabeth Taylor wasn't true.
0:29:56 > 0:30:00I said she's fat. Is Elizabeth Taylor thin? Is she here?
0:30:00 > 0:30:03Look for a woman in Orson Welles' designer jeans.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05I mean, the woman is fat.
0:30:05 > 0:30:07The woman is fat.
0:30:08 > 0:30:12I called her up, as a matter of fact and said, you know,
0:30:12 > 0:30:14"If I'm upsetting you, let me know."
0:30:14 > 0:30:16She was eating lunch so what she said was...
0:30:16 > 0:30:18MUFFLED SPEECH
0:30:18 > 0:30:19Have you ever met her?
0:30:19 > 0:30:23- Yes - she's fat. - What did she say to you?
0:30:23 > 0:30:26She doesn't talk, her mouth is always full. She's like...
0:30:27 > 0:30:29SHE MAKES EATING SOUNDS
0:30:31 > 0:30:34What about Bo Derek? That poor innocent.
0:30:34 > 0:30:36- Did you ever meet Bo Derek?- Never. - Did you ever to Bo Derek?- Never.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39Give me a call.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42She's the most beautiful woman, but she's not the brightest.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45She has trouble with concepts, as most beautiful women do,
0:30:45 > 0:30:47because most beautiful women are usually dumb,
0:30:47 > 0:30:48I really believe this.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51The more beautiful a woman is, because God divides.
0:30:51 > 0:30:55If he makes you gorgeous, he makes you stupid, thank goodness.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58No, it has to be fair, right?
0:30:58 > 0:31:01Bo Derek does not understand the concept of Roman numerals.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05She thinks you fought World War 11. She's just confused.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08She saw a sign that said "Wet Floor".
0:31:08 > 0:31:12She did. The woman is...confused.
0:31:12 > 0:31:14But she's gorgeous. I'd rather be dumb and beautiful.
0:31:16 > 0:31:21Joan Rivers. A tongue like an adder. A wit like a razor.
0:31:21 > 0:31:25Let's have a burst of the brilliant Blondie at her very peak.
0:31:25 > 0:31:26Debbie Harry.
0:31:40 > 0:31:44# I want to dance with Harry Dean
0:31:44 > 0:31:47# Drive through Texas in a black limousine
0:31:47 > 0:31:51# I want a piece of heaven before I die
0:31:55 > 0:31:58# I want a pair of pink high heels
0:31:58 > 0:32:02# That catch the lights up on the Ferris wheel
0:32:02 > 0:32:06# But what I really want I just can't buy
0:32:07 > 0:32:11# Here comes the 21st century
0:32:11 > 0:32:15# It's going to be much better for a girl like me
0:32:15 > 0:32:19# Cos I want everything I can
0:32:19 > 0:32:22# But most of all, I want that man
0:32:22 > 0:32:25# I want that man
0:32:32 > 0:32:35# I want to move like what's his name
0:32:35 > 0:32:39# I'll keep the money You can have the fame
0:32:39 > 0:32:43# Everything that's yours will soon be mine
0:32:44 > 0:32:48# Yeah, I want to be the Queen of the USA
0:32:48 > 0:32:52# You could send me roses every other day
0:32:52 > 0:32:58# But what I really want I just can't buy
0:32:59 > 0:33:02# Here comes the 21st century
0:33:02 > 0:33:07# It's going to be much better for a girl like me
0:33:07 > 0:33:10# Cos I want everything I can
0:33:10 > 0:33:14# But most of all, I want that man
0:33:14 > 0:33:15# I want that man
0:33:22 > 0:33:24# Hey!
0:33:38 > 0:33:42# I want to be kissed from head to toe
0:33:42 > 0:33:46# By that man in the very back row
0:33:46 > 0:33:50# But he won't even look me in the eye
0:33:51 > 0:33:55# Ah, I want his love to rain right down on me
0:33:55 > 0:33:59# I want him to be king of all my dreams
0:33:59 > 0:34:04# But what I really want I just can't hide
0:34:05 > 0:34:09# Here comes the 21st century
0:34:09 > 0:34:13# It's going to be much better for a girl like me
0:34:13 > 0:34:17# Cos I want everything I can
0:34:17 > 0:34:21# But most of all, I want that man
0:34:21 > 0:34:24# I want that man
0:34:24 > 0:34:26# I want that man
0:34:27 > 0:34:30# I want that man
0:34:30 > 0:34:32# I want that man
0:34:32 > 0:34:33# I want that man
0:34:33 > 0:34:35# I want that man
0:34:35 > 0:34:37# I want that man
0:34:37 > 0:34:39# I want that man... #
0:34:51 > 0:34:54Well, I can no further in this pantheon of wit
0:34:54 > 0:34:59without including that wizard of the one-liner, Bob Monkhouse.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03We did many a game show together, from the Golden Shot
0:35:03 > 0:35:08to Celebrity Squares, but then, he was king of the game show.
0:35:08 > 0:35:10One of the problems, if you'd allow me to speak about it,
0:35:10 > 0:35:14of Family Fortunes, which is a great game,
0:35:14 > 0:35:17is that you do require five intelligent members of a family.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20How many families do you know?
0:35:22 > 0:35:24Five intelligent people.
0:35:24 > 0:35:27You can find a bright mum, a bright dad,
0:35:27 > 0:35:30a smart son-in-law, a clever auntie.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33You're going to have loony uncle Ernie
0:35:33 > 0:35:37dribbling at the end of the line, the one that says,
0:35:37 > 0:35:40"Don't ask him anything." You know...
0:35:40 > 0:35:41"What's the capital of Germany?"
0:35:41 > 0:35:45"G." "Oh, God!"
0:35:45 > 0:35:48We had a family - listen, we had some great families on the show
0:35:48 > 0:35:51but sometimes they arrived in refrigerated trucks.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54They came up and we had a family -
0:35:54 > 0:35:57and I mean no offence whatsoever by this, this is fact,
0:35:57 > 0:36:00no ethnic or racial offence -
0:36:00 > 0:36:02we had an Irish family on who were...
0:36:04 > 0:36:05Look, it's St Patrick's Day.
0:36:05 > 0:36:09Yes, it is, so therefore, in the name of St Patrick
0:36:09 > 0:36:11and by all that's holy, this is the truth.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14We had a family from Northern Ireland
0:36:14 > 0:36:16called Thicke.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18It was the family name.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22T-H-I-C-K-E. We said to them, "Please, it's too cheap a joke.
0:36:22 > 0:36:26"You're nice people, you've applied to be on the show. Please."
0:36:26 > 0:36:29The son-in-law's name was Wilson, we called them the Wilson family
0:36:29 > 0:36:32and they came from Newtownards, I think.
0:36:32 > 0:36:33And there was a woman in the group
0:36:33 > 0:36:37and she was...I mean, really, unbelievable.
0:36:37 > 0:36:38Now and then, you'd get those people
0:36:38 > 0:36:41who talked straight out of left-field.
0:36:41 > 0:36:42We had a question.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45"We asked 100 people, 'Name something pink.'
0:36:45 > 0:36:48"What do you think 100 people said? Name something pink."
0:36:48 > 0:36:51"I said my cardigan."
0:36:51 > 0:36:54LAUGHTER
0:37:01 > 0:37:05"Erm...good answer, good answer. Let's see if it's up there."
0:37:08 > 0:37:11We finally went out, you're not going to believe this, but it's true,
0:37:11 > 0:37:13this is in the first series.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16I think people have forgotten the disasters we had.
0:37:17 > 0:37:21We had asked 100 people nationwide, this is in the survey,
0:37:21 > 0:37:25"Name something which is deserted in the wintertime."
0:37:25 > 0:37:31The top answers were a nudist camp, a swimming pool,
0:37:31 > 0:37:33the beach, you can make them up.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35So we got the five top answers.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38A couple of answers had come up and I came to this woman again.
0:37:39 > 0:37:42I like this and the audience will like this.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45I said, "Name something deserted in wintertime."
0:37:45 > 0:37:48She said, "My cousin, Elsie."
0:37:48 > 0:37:50LAUGHTER
0:37:50 > 0:37:53And the audience laughed like the audience is laughing now
0:37:53 > 0:37:55and she said, "It wasn't funny."
0:37:58 > 0:38:01"Christmas coming up and five children in the house."
0:38:02 > 0:38:05I mean, where do you put yourself?
0:38:07 > 0:38:11Our final blast from the past comes from another Bob, Bob Hope,
0:38:11 > 0:38:13who Bob Monkhouse once wrote jokes for.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15Now, Hope was no ad-libber.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18He was always very open about employing gag writers
0:38:18 > 0:38:22but he'll always be one of American comedy's all-time greats.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24You're a man of enormous stature in America -
0:38:24 > 0:38:27and you're pretty tall here -
0:38:27 > 0:38:31but how come you never went for political office yourself?
0:38:31 > 0:38:32Well, the money wasn't right.
0:38:34 > 0:38:35No, I told...
0:38:35 > 0:38:37In fact, Wednesday night, I'll be - no, Thursday night -
0:38:37 > 0:38:40I'm going to be with the President at the Washington Convention Centre
0:38:40 > 0:38:43and I'm going to say that about him, you know,
0:38:43 > 0:38:47because a lot of people ask me that and since he's been a hit,
0:38:47 > 0:38:50a lot of people in show business are thinking about going.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54In fact, they asked me to, but I told them the money isn't right
0:38:54 > 0:38:56and besides, my wife wouldn't want to move to a smaller house.
0:38:59 > 0:39:05APPLAUSE
0:39:05 > 0:39:09Show business, show business is the aristocracy in America, isn't it?
0:39:09 > 0:39:12- Right.- Show business are the aristocracy there.
0:39:12 > 0:39:15Well, I think, Reagan would like to be royalty.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17In fact, I know he's hoping for a promotion but...
0:39:19 > 0:39:21They are. Especially as he's done a lot for us
0:39:21 > 0:39:24and a lot of people are thinking of running for that office,
0:39:24 > 0:39:25like Charlton Heston.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27Charlton Heston?
0:39:27 > 0:39:28Well, he played Moses, you know.
0:39:28 > 0:39:33He led the people out of Egypt, so Reagan would probably make him
0:39:33 > 0:39:35Director of Transportation, I think.
0:39:37 > 0:39:39Your signature tune is Thanks For The Memory.
0:39:39 > 0:39:43What are your fondest memories of show business?
0:39:43 > 0:39:45God, I've had so many.
0:39:45 > 0:39:49Any one that stands out? Being in all those movies.
0:39:49 > 0:39:53Fantastic memories of this wonderful place over here, where I was born.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55- Really. - What about the movies?
0:39:55 > 0:39:57What's the one you had the most fun making?
0:39:57 > 0:40:00I don't know, I think the Road pictures, we had more fun
0:40:00 > 0:40:06because Bing and I were just wild and trying to top each other
0:40:06 > 0:40:08and it was sensational.
0:40:08 > 0:40:12You know, seven weeks of that was just too much.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14But I enjoyed making all the movies. I enjoyed it.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16How long since you made your last movie?
0:40:16 > 0:40:18- About 12 years.- What was that one?
0:40:18 > 0:40:20Well, I've been so wrapped up in...
0:40:20 > 0:40:23I've been on television for 35 years and with my...
0:40:23 > 0:40:26And then you take the show on the road, don't you?
0:40:26 > 0:40:29All over the place, you know.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32Is there any possibility that you're ever going to retire?
0:40:32 > 0:40:35I don't know. How do you spell that?
0:40:35 > 0:40:37It's probably got something to do with money again.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39I'll tell you something. It's so exciting.
0:40:39 > 0:40:42Show business is so exciting. I don't think...
0:40:42 > 0:40:44I wouldn't live if I wasn't in show business.
0:40:44 > 0:40:48I wouldn't care about it, because it's marvellous to just sit here
0:40:48 > 0:40:51and see, you know, these marvellous people.
0:40:51 > 0:40:52It's a sensational thing.
0:40:52 > 0:40:56Do you remember the very first day that you went into showbiz?
0:40:56 > 0:41:00- What was the beginning for Bob Hope? - I sure do, I sure do.
0:41:02 > 0:41:08It's kind of sad, the first time I was on the stage.
0:41:08 > 0:41:11I bombed quite a bit, I was the bomber of the day.
0:41:12 > 0:41:14- You know. - You managed to pick yourself up.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16When you look back and think about that,
0:41:16 > 0:41:21you get a great kick because I've been so lucky in show business.
0:41:21 > 0:41:23Can you possibly stay there for a minute?
0:41:23 > 0:41:25Because we do have something to celebrate.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28I know you'll claim that you're still a slip of a lad,
0:41:28 > 0:41:31but I'm leaving you again now, sir.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33But I shall return, as MacArthur said.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35Where are we going?
0:41:35 > 0:41:37I'll be back, Bob, don't worry.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40- I'll return, Bob.- What happened?
0:41:40 > 0:41:42I've got a birthday cake.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45APPLAUSE
0:41:47 > 0:41:49Come down and join me.
0:41:51 > 0:41:55Come down and join us for the birthday cake.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00- You'll see.- Where do you get small candles like that?
0:42:00 > 0:42:01Hang on.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03You know something?
0:42:03 > 0:42:06Where do you get those little candles?
0:42:06 > 0:42:10I'm not much good at this, Bob, lighting things,
0:42:10 > 0:42:16so I'm not going to bother trying to light all 35...
0:42:16 > 0:42:19- We weren't able to light this up. - I love that, the golf course.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21- The golf course. - Wonderful, wonderful.
0:42:21 > 0:42:23Reminds you of the several that you own.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27Have we got enough puff to let it go?
0:42:28 > 0:42:32I'll tell you, if you really put the big candles on,
0:42:32 > 0:42:35you'd have enough icing to skate on, I'll tell you that.
0:42:35 > 0:42:36That's pretty.
0:42:36 > 0:42:40We hope that you'll take it with you and our good wishes, as well,
0:42:40 > 0:42:43because golf has always been tremendously part of your life,
0:42:43 > 0:42:46- hasn't it?- It sure has, it's been great, you know,
0:42:46 > 0:42:48and it's a game you can play forever.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51It doesn't make any difference, how old you are, you know,
0:42:51 > 0:42:52you just get out there.
0:42:52 > 0:42:55We have a fellow at our club, must be 92,
0:42:55 > 0:42:58and he plays every day and he can't see very well.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00So the pro said, "Take Charlie with you."
0:43:00 > 0:43:02He's the same age but he can see real good.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05So he put Charlie in the cart, hit the ball down the fairway, turned to Charlie.
0:43:05 > 0:43:09He said, "Do you see it?" Charlie said, "Uh-huh." He said, "Where'd it go?"
0:43:09 > 0:43:11Charlie said, "I forgot."
0:43:11 > 0:43:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:43:21 > 0:43:25So, once again, the old clock on the wall has beaten us.
0:43:25 > 0:43:27I hope you've enjoyed looking back as much as I have.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30Join me for more next time.