0:00:00 > 0:00:00- 888
0:00:00 > 0:00:02- 888- - 888
0:00:07 > 0:00:09- 888
0:00:14 > 0:00:16- 888
0:00:27 > 0:00:32- I feel terribly guilty - because of the attention I get...
0:00:33 > 0:00:35- ..from friends and family.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- I just feel that there's - nothing wrong with me.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44- I lost friends at school, - but one has been fantastic.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54- It has affected all sorts of things - that I can do...
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- ..such as writing poetry and songs.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03- It's affected me going to college - and everything.
0:01:06 > 0:01:11- There was a time when I found it - very difficult and I felt so low.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16- I felt lonely, that only I knew - what it was like.
0:01:17 > 0:01:22- I wanted my family and friends to - understand what I was experiencing.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29- Boys made jokes about it - and girls didn't know what to say.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- They understand what's going on...
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- ..but they don't want - to talk about it.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- I think that most young people...
0:01:45 > 0:01:49- ..fear that people's attitude - to them will change.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55- They don't want to lose friends. - Some don't know what's going on.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00- They don't want to frighten people, - but it's scary for them too.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05- Some youngsters stop going out - with their friends...
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- ..because they're too frightened.
0:02:09 > 0:02:15- Dear All
0:02:20 > 0:02:24- I didn't know what was happening - when I had my first seizure.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30- I couldn't believe it - when they said I'd had a seizure.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32- I felt a little in denial.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37- I'd never seen or heard of anyone - who had experienced one.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- It was hard to take in.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- I was with Tomos - when I had my first seizure.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- His parents were at home.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- I don't remember anything - about that night.
0:02:55 > 0:03:00- An ambulance was called and I was - in hospital in Bangor for four days.
0:03:00 > 0:03:05- They wanted to monitor me - in case it was a one-off event.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- They occurred more regularly - from April onwards.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- I had a seizure - every couple of months...
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- ..until I was diagnosed - in August 2007.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- A friend phoned - on the night I was diagnosed.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- She wanted to know - what the neurologist had said.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- I felt that I couldn't talk to her.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36- I handed the phone to Tomos - and asked him to tell her.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- I was scared of their reaction.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48- I felt my life had been spoiled, - that there was nothing much left.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- I couldn't drive - or go out very easily.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- I felt all alone.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- I didn't understand - what was happening.
0:04:02 > 0:04:08- I thought it was unfair to happen - to me, and I didn't know why.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- I was at home - when it first happened.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- I was thirteen.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- It happened - the night before my birthday.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- It was a shock for Mam and Dad.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- They heard a noise - and didn't know what was happening.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- It came out of nowhere.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- I'd had a seizure.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- I went by ambulance to Bangor.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- They said that I had epilepsy.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- It wasn't in the family.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55- It came out of nowhere.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01- They happen to me at night - when I'm asleep.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- I'm exhausted after it.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- It takes a lot out of me.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- School was hard - because no-one knew what it was...
0:05:19 > 0:05:24- ..why I had to go home, and why - I was brought work at home.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31- I didn't know much about it. - I'd never heard of it.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- No-one talked about it...
0:05:34 > 0:05:38- ..and I didn't know anyone - who suffered from seizures.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- I didn't know what I had.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- I know a lot more now.
0:05:47 > 0:05:52- I've met Sheila and I have - a better understanding now.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- She's been fantastic with me.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Epilepsy has a low profile.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- People don't really - understand epilepsy.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- They don't know - what people are going through.
0:06:14 > 0:06:19- I decided to raise money - towards epilepsy.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- I wanted to raise awareness.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- I'd been working - at Ysbyty Gwynedd for ten years.
0:06:33 > 0:06:38- I had the chance to work at the - Walton Epilepsy Centre, Liverpool.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45- When they needed a specialist - epilepsy nurse in North Wales...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- ..and a Welsh-speaking nurse...
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- ..I knew that's what I wanted to do.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- I haven't looked back.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06- There are between 4,000 and 6,000 - people with epilepsy in North Wales.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- Every year, I see - between one and two thousand people.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Epilepsy is a condition, - not an illness.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- 50% have idiopathic epilepsy.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- Maybe they were born with epilepsy.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- 50% are epileptic...
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- ..because their brain was damaged - for some reason.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37- They might have fallen and hit - their head or had a car accident.
0:07:38 > 0:07:44- Some have had a tumour, - a stroke or meningitis.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06- It's like therapy, really.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- I paint my models - to make them look good.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- I create new characters.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- I create and shape new people.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- I'm 17 and legally, - I could learn to drive.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- I can't until February - because of the epilepsy.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- I'll have been clear - for 12 months.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- I'm disappointed - that I can't go swimming.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Swimming is such a popular pastime.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49- I'm a cadet.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- I take it quite seriously.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- I've been a sergeant - for four years.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- I went to RAF Halton.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- I went on a low ropes course.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- It was only two metres above ground.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13- But the doctor told me not to climb - under any circumstances.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- I started to panic.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- I remembered what the doctor said.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- I left the low ropes course.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29- I asked an officer whether I could - be excused and I broke down.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35- I was upset.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- A member of staff - helped me to cool down...
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- ..until I could rejoin the others.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- There are 38 different types - of seizure.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00- Most of us could identify - a tonic-clonic seizure.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- People don't understand - what the others look like.
0:10:19 > 0:10:24- People don't know where they are. - They become forgetful.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28- They're not with you - for a few seconds.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- They can't remember - that it has happened.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- It's vital to recognize a seizure.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Forgetfulness - and loss of bearings...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- ..can sometimes be - a type of seizure.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- Sheila's great.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- If there's something I don't - understand about epilepsy...
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- ..she's on the case straight away.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- She's just there, basically.
0:11:09 > 0:11:15- Being diagnosed with epilepsy - was a shock to the system.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- It has made people a lot more jumpy.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- If they hear a thump from my room...
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- ..me taking my shoes off, say...
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- ..they immediately respond.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- I don't like being - constantly watched.
0:11:39 > 0:11:45- It makes it hard - for me to move around.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- They don't let me go to places - that I could go to previously.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- It's not - that they don't let me out...
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- ..but they're frightened - to let me go out.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Every now and then...
0:12:07 > 0:12:12- ..I imagine falling downstairs - during a seizure.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- It's not a nice thought!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- I understand - where they're coming from.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- But there are times - when it's frustrating.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29- RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- I'd like to have some freedom.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- RHODRI PLAYS GUITAR
0:12:48 > 0:12:48- .
0:12:52 > 0:12:52- 888
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- 888- - 888
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- Dear Catrin...
0:13:08 > 0:13:12- ..when I was young, I did something - stupid with epilepsy tablets.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- I'd been on them...
0:13:14 > 0:13:18- ..for six or seven years...
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- ..if that long, I can't remember.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28- I was young and foolish. - I decided I'd had enough.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- I wanted to do - what everyone else was doing.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37- I couldn't go out and have fun - because of the lights.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- My friends were good about it...
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- ..but I felt that something - held me back from joining in.
0:13:48 > 0:13:55- I decided to come off the tablets - so that I could be me.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- I was fine for nine years.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- I was fine for nine years.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- But we lost Nain...
0:14:07 > 0:14:12- ..and another relative - a month earlier.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- It was down to shock...
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- ..and the fact that I was upset.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26- The seizures started again - two years ago.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- I was upset because I thought, - that's it, the end of the world.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- I'll lose my car and job.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- When it happens, I feel helpless.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- After having a seizure...
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- ..I can't recognize anyone - for a few hours.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- But it all comes back afterwards.
0:15:05 > 0:15:11- I had a very bad seizure - three years ago.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- I ended up in hospital.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20- I had about six scans altogether.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- They said that I had - temporal lobe epilepsy.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29- It's like daydreaming - and I'm not aware of it.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33- I ignore people.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- I remember when I was a child...
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- ..whenever I was ill...
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- ..or if I had a fever...
0:15:51 > 0:15:54- ..I felt that everything - was rushing around me.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- I remember washing one morning - before school.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01- Mam turned the tap on.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05- I said, - "Slow it down, it's too fast."
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- She turned the tap - so that the water just trickled out.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- "That's much better," I said. - Mam noticed these little things.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21- They told me that I'd had it - since I was a little girl.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28- I don't notice a difference.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33- When I first started - taking the tablets...
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- ..I'd forget to take them.
0:16:37 > 0:16:42- My family can tell - if I'm not taking my tablets.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- They notice how the tablets help.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54- I've been like this since - I was little. That's life for me.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- There are two things - that I really like doing.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- One is skateboarding...
0:17:10 > 0:17:15- ..but I can't do it at the moment - because I don't have the energy.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- But music is the big thing for me, - which is much easier.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27- I've been composing - since I left school.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- That's when - I began to compose a lot.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- The tablets - help to slow the seizures down.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- But composing - is much more difficult.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46- One thing has improved, - but the other has deteriorated.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- It takes a lot of skill - to learn to play the harp.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- The guitar was much easier!
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- I'll carry on playing - and trying to improve.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- I'll make myself just good enough.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- It relaxes me.
0:18:21 > 0:18:27- If I'm tense, - music makes me forget everything.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- I get lost in that world.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- I've been looking for a job - for a long time.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- I've gone for interviews.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- They're good interviews.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- When they ask - whether I have any illness...
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- ..I used to reply, "Epilepsy."
0:19:01 > 0:19:05- But now I say, "Epilepsy, - but it's controlled by tablets.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- "It won't affect my work."
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- Whenever I say that, they reply, - "We'll phone you."
0:19:17 > 0:19:23- When we were younger, my sister - and I competed in eisteddfodau.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26- I've started singing...
0:19:29 > 0:19:31- ..and I'm really enjoying it.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35- That's why I want to do it - as a business.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- # You're sitting there - with nothing to do
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- # Talking about Robert Riger - and his motley crew #
0:19:42 > 0:19:47- I've just been in a studio. - I've made recordings and a CD.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- I'll distribute them.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59- People who take bookings - will know what my voice sounds like.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- # Where you're gonna sleep tonight?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- # You're singing the songs, - thinking this is the life
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- # You wake up in the morning - and your head feels twice the size
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- # Where you gonna go? - Where you gonna sleep tonight?
0:20:16 > 0:20:20- # You're singing the songs, - thinking this is the life #
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- I didn't tell Ifan straightaway.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28- I left it a few months.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- I've been with Ifan - for almost six years.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- I'm not ashamed of it...
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- ..but I wasn't sure - how he'd deal with it.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- I know he has to look after me...
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- ..if something like that happened.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- But he's been very good.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55- Unlucky.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04- Another thing that's happened - is that I'm pregnant!
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- In a year, I've moved house, - got married and become pregnant.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19- I'm getting more scans - and I can see Sheila more often.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- They're keeping an eye on me.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24- Hello! Are you OK?
0:21:25 > 0:21:29- It would be nice to meet - other people with epilepsy.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36- It's easy to talk to Ifan - or my parents about it...
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- ..but they don't really know.
0:21:40 > 0:21:46- It would be interesting - to meet people of different ages...
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- ..people who have had epilepsy - for longer.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- I've only had it for eight months.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56- I'd like to know - how they deal with it.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00- It could help me to deal with it - in the long term.
0:22:04 > 0:22:10- Young people with epilepsy - want to do as much as their friends.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- They don't want to be different.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- I don't want to let them down...
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- ..because they put - so much faith in me.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- It's more than a job.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38- I have to be positive or I'd worry - about it all the time.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43- I'm taking each day as it comes.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50- I realize now...
0:22:50 > 0:22:54- ..how much my friends - were there for me.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58- It didn't change how they saw me - - I was still Catrin.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- It hasn't changed me, - except to make me stronger...
0:23:04 > 0:23:06- ..and closer - to my family and friends.
0:23:08 > 0:23:14- I'd like to meet other young people - and help those who have suffered...
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- ..and who are - still finding it difficult.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35- If you or anyone close to you...
0:23:35 > 0:23:39- ..has been affected - by issues raised in this programme...
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- ..support is available on - www.s4c.co.uk/help
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- S4C Subtitles by GWEAD
0:23:53 > 0:23:54- .