Cymar Oes

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0:00:23 > 0:00:26- Three couples, three weddings.

0:00:26 > 0:00:29- At a time when fewer - couples choose to get married...

0:00:30 > 0:00:35- ..why do some people still choose - to marry a partner for life?

0:00:35 > 0:00:38- We shall look at three - different relationships.

0:00:38 > 0:00:42- Rhys and Rhian got - married in October 2010...

0:00:42 > 0:00:45- ..and are setting up - their first home.

0:00:50 > 0:00:54- Allan and Brenda Jones live - in Llanllyfni near Caernarfon.

0:00:55 > 0:01:00- They have been through a lot - since their wedding 22 years ago.

0:01:00 > 0:01:04- Noah and Nansi Miles have lived in - the Ammanford and Garnswllt area...

0:01:04 > 0:01:06- ..all their lives.

0:01:06 > 0:01:11- They're in their nineties and have - been married for almost 67 years.

0:01:19 > 0:01:23- Noah grew up in Cwm Cerdinen, - near Garnswllt, Ammanford.

0:01:23 > 0:01:28- It was at Betws YFC - that he met his future wife.

0:01:28 > 0:01:30- Nansi was there.

0:01:30 > 0:01:33- I had been eyeing her up...

0:01:33 > 0:01:37- ..as we did in those days, - from time to time!

0:01:37 > 0:01:41- Once we started to chat, - I wanted to see her all the time.

0:01:41 > 0:01:45- I think she wanted - to see me all the time too.

0:01:46 > 0:01:48- That was it for me!

0:01:50 > 0:01:56- We'd been together - for about three years or so.

0:01:57 > 0:01:59- We'd become such an item...

0:02:00 > 0:02:02- ..she said, "We must get married."

0:02:03 > 0:02:07- She wasn't ARP, mind you, - as they used to say.

0:02:07 > 0:02:11- Do you know what ARP means? - "Already pregnant." She wasn't!

0:02:13 > 0:02:15- But it was quite cut and dried.

0:02:18 > 0:02:20- This is a fine village.

0:02:20 > 0:02:23- All the local people - came to the chapel.

0:02:23 > 0:02:28- The congregation sang at the - wedding as if it was a cymanfa ganu.

0:02:28 > 0:02:30- They sang well, fair play to them.

0:02:33 > 0:02:38- They went to Aberystwyth - for their honeymoon, in 1944...

0:02:38 > 0:02:40- ..before the end of World War II.

0:02:41 > 0:02:43- We went for a fortnight...

0:02:43 > 0:02:45- ..or so we had planned.

0:02:45 > 0:02:49- The weather was lovely, - it was all wonderful.

0:02:49 > 0:02:51- The weather was fine and sunny.

0:02:51 > 0:02:55- But Noah was worried - about harvesting the hay.

0:02:55 > 0:02:57- I was very conscientious.

0:02:57 > 0:03:00- You dare not miss a chance - of haymaking.

0:03:00 > 0:03:04- There's no second chance.

0:03:05 > 0:03:09- We both decided to go home to help.

0:03:09 > 0:03:12- We'd enjoy it better like that.

0:03:17 > 0:03:19- It was quite different...

0:03:19 > 0:03:23- ..when Allan and Brenda met, - in the late 1980s.

0:03:23 > 0:03:26- The moment I saw her - at the Majestic...

0:03:26 > 0:03:32- ..wearing a yellow outfit, - with fairly long blonde hair...

0:03:33 > 0:03:35- ..she caught my eye.

0:03:38 > 0:03:40- After some more Dutch courage...

0:03:40 > 0:03:43- ..I asked her to dance.

0:03:45 > 0:03:47- That was our first evening together.

0:03:47 > 0:03:51- Very romantic, - in the rain in Caernarfon.

0:03:53 > 0:03:58- I remember going out with the girls - and ending up in the Majestic.

0:03:58 > 0:04:03- We had a drink and danced, - and I saw Allan with the lads.

0:04:03 > 0:04:07- I said to myself, - he's a good-looking bloke.

0:04:07 > 0:04:12- I didn't think any more about it - until he asked me out. I said yes.

0:04:14 > 0:04:18- I had been married before. - I had a son, Andrew.

0:04:19 > 0:04:22- After meeting Allan, - as time went on...

0:04:22 > 0:04:25- ..I told him - I was divorced and had a child.

0:04:25 > 0:04:26- He didn't mind.

0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Andrew and I hit it off - straight away...

0:04:30 > 0:04:32- ..from the first day we met.

0:04:33 > 0:04:35- He's like my own son.

0:04:35 > 0:04:37- He's accepted me as a father too.

0:04:41 > 0:04:44- We were at home, on our own.

0:04:44 > 0:04:46- I went down on one knee...

0:04:48 > 0:04:50- ..to ask her to marry me.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53- I got the right answer.

0:04:54 > 0:04:58- Maybe that's one - of my most romantic gestures.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02- We had a great day. - It was a small wedding.

0:05:02 > 0:05:07- It was quite early, at 10.30am - in the Registry Office, Llangefni.

0:05:08 > 0:05:10- Yes, I think it was - love at first sight.

0:05:11 > 0:05:13- We haven't been apart since then.

0:05:13 > 0:05:17- Love at first sight, - that's what it was.

0:05:23 > 0:05:27- Rhys and Rhian have been - married since October 2010.

0:05:28 > 0:05:30- We weren't very friendly at first.

0:05:30 > 0:05:34- We didn't work well together.

0:05:34 > 0:05:39- We'd been working in the same place - for about two years...

0:05:39 > 0:05:42- ..before starting dating.

0:05:42 > 0:05:44- I was out with a crowd from work.

0:05:44 > 0:05:47- We worked from 9-5 - for the Care Council.

0:05:47 > 0:05:51- On Friday evening, - we usually went out after work.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54- We began to chat - and got into an argument.

0:05:55 > 0:05:57- We decided we had a lot in common.

0:05:59 > 0:06:02- It wasn't love at first sight!

0:06:04 > 0:06:09- But Rhian had an unexpected - surprise on Christmas Day 2009.

0:06:09 > 0:06:13- We went for a walk - before Christmas dinner.

0:06:13 > 0:06:16- We chatted about the area, - the new house, our plans.

0:06:16 > 0:06:19- When I looked back...

0:06:19 > 0:06:21- ..I saw Rhys down on one knee.

0:06:22 > 0:06:24- He took the ring out of his pocket.

0:06:25 > 0:06:27- I cried!

0:06:27 > 0:06:33- I was shocked, but very happy - that the moment had arrived.

0:06:33 > 0:06:36- I said yes straight away.

0:06:37 > 0:06:42- At the time, there was snow - on the mountains and on the ground.

0:06:42 > 0:06:44- It was very romantic, I thought.

0:06:45 > 0:06:49- Thank goodness she said yes. - I was very happy.

0:06:50 > 0:06:55- They were married at Carreg Cennen - Castle, near Carmarthen.

0:06:55 > 0:06:59- It was a wonderful day. - We couldn't have asked for more.

0:06:59 > 0:07:03- It was a chance to see - all our friends and family.

0:07:03 > 0:07:07- Rhian looked so beautiful. - It couldn't have been better.

0:07:08 > 0:07:13- Our honeymoon was a Mediterranean - cruise, starting in Rome.

0:07:13 > 0:07:17- We had to reach Rome, - but I'm scared of flying.

0:07:17 > 0:07:22- I persuaded Rhys to go there - by train, fair play to him.

0:07:22 > 0:07:27- We caught the train to London - in Swansea, then a train to Paris...

0:07:28 > 0:07:30- ..then a train from Paris to Rome.

0:07:32 > 0:07:37- When we booked - the cabin on the train...

0:07:37 > 0:07:41- ..there wasn't - a two-person cabin left.

0:07:41 > 0:07:43- We had to share with four others.

0:07:44 > 0:07:47- It wasn't the most - comfortable experience ever.

0:07:48 > 0:07:52- But it might be worth it - as Rhian is now willing to fly.

0:07:54 > 0:07:56- Every honeymoon ends...

0:07:56 > 0:08:01- ..and everyday life resumes, - which isn't always a bed of roses.

0:08:01 > 0:08:05- Rhys is a policeman - in Blaenau Ffestiniog.

0:08:06 > 0:08:08- Only a few months - after the wedding...

0:08:08 > 0:08:12- ..Rhian finds out what it means - to be married to a policeman.

0:08:14 > 0:08:15- It's very hard.

0:08:15 > 0:08:19- When you're caught up - in an incident at work...

0:08:19 > 0:08:22- ..all your focus - is on what's happening.

0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Obviously, if I'm late, - I try to let her know.

0:08:26 > 0:08:31- However, when a problem arises, - there's hardly a chance to call her.

0:08:31 > 0:08:33- I feel a bit selfish saying this.

0:08:33 > 0:08:36- There's no time to think - when I'm actually late.

0:08:37 > 0:08:42- It was funny. At one time, we three - sisters went out with policemen.

0:08:42 > 0:08:47- It was a coincidence, they - weren't policemen when we met them.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50- I don't know if it's us - who make them join the police force!

0:08:51 > 0:08:53- Rhian is used to the situation.

0:08:53 > 0:08:57- I think it's very important, - with this job...

0:08:57 > 0:09:00- ..that one's partner understands.

0:09:00 > 0:09:04- His wife hasn't seen him - for over a week.

0:09:04 > 0:09:06- We'll do a search in the Land Rover.

0:09:06 > 0:09:07- We'll do a search in the Land Rover.- - Right.

0:09:07 > 0:09:08- It's difficult.

0:09:08 > 0:09:13- A meal might be on the table - but he might not be home for hours.

0:09:14 > 0:09:16- I worry about what he does at work.

0:09:16 > 0:09:18- His work can be dangerous at times.

0:09:19 > 0:09:24- I like that part of the work very - much, not knowing what will happen.

0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Rhian isn't so aware of it.

0:09:28 > 0:09:33- I try to think, if she doesn't know, - she cannot worry too much.

0:09:39 > 0:09:43- It was an accident at work - that caused Allan's suffering.

0:09:43 > 0:09:45- Allan was working away at that time.

0:09:46 > 0:09:49- It was quite hard, - the boys were young.

0:09:49 > 0:09:50- Carl was often ill.

0:09:51 > 0:09:53- I wanted Allan to work near home...

0:09:53 > 0:09:55- ..but we couldn't afford - to lose his salary.

0:09:56 > 0:09:59- It was October 1st, 2009.

0:09:59 > 0:10:04- I'd been delivering goods - around London most of the evening.

0:10:05 > 0:10:07- We were driving along the A1...

0:10:07 > 0:10:11- ..to pick up a load - from an abattoir in Bedford.

0:10:11 > 0:10:12- NEWS

0:10:12 > 0:10:15- "A lorry driver has had - to be cut free from his vehicle...

0:10:15 > 0:10:17- "..after a collision - with a fire engine."

0:10:17 > 0:10:20- "The lorry driver - from North Wales...

0:10:20 > 0:10:24- "..suffered chest and leg injuries - and was taken to hospital."

0:10:25 > 0:10:29- When I went around a bend - on the motorway...

0:10:29 > 0:10:32- ..there was a queue - on the slip road.

0:10:33 > 0:10:38- There was a fire engine - in the slow lane of the motorway.

0:10:38 > 0:10:40- I crashed into it...

0:10:40 > 0:10:42- ..at the last moment.

0:10:43 > 0:10:45- I don't remember much after that.

0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Allan had phoned in the morning.

0:10:49 > 0:10:52- I told him to phone at 12.30am, - in case I fell asleep.

0:10:53 > 0:10:54- I had to get up for work.

0:10:54 > 0:10:59- Allan hadn't phoned at 12.45am, - so I rang his mobile phone.

0:10:59 > 0:11:00- The police answered.

0:11:00 > 0:11:04- I thought I'd got the wrong number, - or he'd been stopped.

0:11:04 > 0:11:08- But they said he'd been - in a serious accident in London.

0:11:08 > 0:11:12- I thought it wasn't too bad - and asked if he was on his way home.

0:11:12 > 0:11:16- The police said that it was unlikely - that he'd be home tonight...

0:11:17 > 0:11:19- ..as he'd been in a major accident.

0:11:19 > 0:11:21- I wounded both hands.

0:11:22 > 0:11:26- The tendons and everything - were badly injured.

0:11:26 > 0:11:28- The tendons in my left leg...

0:11:28 > 0:11:33- ..and the cruciate ligament - in both knees were in a bad way.

0:11:33 > 0:11:37- I didn't expect - that he'd be so poorly.

0:11:37 > 0:11:39- I didn't think he'd get over it.

0:11:39 > 0:11:44- He looked terrible, both legs - and arms in plaster, and his face.

0:11:44 > 0:11:47- He had deep cuts on his head.

0:11:49 > 0:11:54- When we saw each other, - we said we loved each other a lot...

0:11:54 > 0:11:56- ..and were glad to see each other.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59- I'd been away all week too.

0:12:00 > 0:12:06- I don't think either of us had - ever been so glad to see the other.

0:12:08 > 0:12:09- .

0:12:11 > 0:12:11- 888

0:12:11 > 0:12:13- 888- - 888

0:12:13 > 0:12:18- These three couples have been, - or hope to be, partners for life.

0:12:22 > 0:12:23- Rhys and Rhian...

0:12:23 > 0:12:28- ..were only married - a few months ago in October 2010.

0:12:30 > 0:12:32- Allan and Brenda - were married in 1989.

0:12:33 > 0:12:36- They faced problems - which they had to overcome.

0:12:38 > 0:12:42- Noah and Nansi Miles - from Garnswllt, near Ammanford...

0:12:43 > 0:12:46- ..have been married - for almost 67 years.

0:12:47 > 0:12:50- They were married - during World War II...

0:12:51 > 0:12:54- ..and are still here - to tell their story.

0:12:54 > 0:12:58- The war years were the most popular - ever for marriages in Britain.

0:12:59 > 0:13:02- Everyday life - was extremely different on the farm.

0:13:03 > 0:13:05- A custom of that time - which made it hard...

0:13:05 > 0:13:08- ..was that one member of the family - was expected...

0:13:09 > 0:13:12- ..to stay at home - to take care of the parents.

0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Although Nansi had brothers...

0:13:17 > 0:13:19- ..she had to take care of them.

0:13:20 > 0:13:23- And I had that role too at her side.

0:13:24 > 0:13:28- Noah and Nansi brought up - four daughters on the farm.

0:13:28 > 0:13:33- It was a hard life, with only - the occasional holiday in Porthcawl.

0:13:33 > 0:13:36- No, - we didn't have a lot of holidays.

0:13:37 > 0:13:41- It was work all the time. - That's what our life has been.

0:13:41 > 0:13:44- Nansi was keen on one point - in particular...

0:13:44 > 0:13:49- ..that the children would not go - through what we'd been through.

0:13:49 > 0:13:52- We'd give them a head start.

0:13:52 > 0:13:55- I wanted a boy, - but I didn't get one!

0:13:55 > 0:13:57- It was funny, she liked girls.

0:13:58 > 0:14:02- She was delighted - each time a girl arrived.

0:14:02 > 0:14:07- Neighbours would say, - "What will Noah say, another girl?"

0:14:07 > 0:14:11- I was a farmer but I didn't - want them to stay on the farm.

0:14:12 > 0:14:14- The farm wasn't big enough.

0:14:15 > 0:14:17- It was a hill farm.

0:14:17 > 0:14:19- Times were hard.

0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Now in his nineties, - life isn't any easier for Noah.

0:14:25 > 0:14:27- Nansi had a stroke in 2008.

0:14:27 > 0:14:31- She lost sensation - on the left side of her body.

0:14:31 > 0:14:34- But they're still - happily living together.

0:14:34 > 0:14:38- They won't let me drive her around, - due to my age.

0:14:39 > 0:14:40- I've driven all my life.

0:14:41 > 0:14:45- I think I could drive, - I've driven all over the country.

0:14:45 > 0:14:47- But I'm too old now, so they say...

0:14:47 > 0:14:50- ..so say insurance companies.

0:14:50 > 0:14:54- I can drive on my own but I'm not - allowed to take Nansi with me.

0:14:58 > 0:15:02- Noah's care for Nansi is constant.

0:15:05 > 0:15:10- We have to watch that - her arm doesn't slip down there.

0:15:10 > 0:15:13- She could break her arm. - There you are.

0:15:20 > 0:15:24- The first test of our relationship - was me moving to North Wales.

0:15:24 > 0:15:26- Rhian stayed in the south.

0:15:26 > 0:15:30- It was very hard for a while, - travelling a lot...

0:15:30 > 0:15:35- ..and only seeing each other - at weekends, or even less often.

0:15:35 > 0:15:39- But what matters - is that we came through that time.

0:15:39 > 0:15:41- We're still together.

0:15:41 > 0:15:45- In years to come, I'm sure - there will be other hurdles.

0:15:46 > 0:15:47- But if we're together...

0:15:48 > 0:15:51- ..we can talk to each other - and support one another.

0:15:51 > 0:15:53- That's what really matters.

0:15:54 > 0:15:59- Allan had taken responsibility - for Brenda and her first child.

0:15:59 > 0:16:01- But then - they faced further trials.

0:16:02 > 0:16:07- Andrew had spent a lot of time - in hospital before we met.

0:16:07 > 0:16:12- From birth, his kidneys and bladder - were damaged...

0:16:12 > 0:16:16- ..and he had surgery and treatment - when he was three years old.

0:16:17 > 0:16:20- He had to go back - to hospital at the age of three...

0:16:20 > 0:16:22- ..to remove the rest of the kidney.

0:16:23 > 0:16:27- Seven years later, - her second son, Carl, was born.

0:16:27 > 0:16:30- He was born a month premature.

0:16:30 > 0:16:31- Doctors said...

0:16:31 > 0:16:36- ..that neither he nor Brenda - would live more than 24 hours.

0:16:39 > 0:16:43- It was a shock, - to think I could lose both of them.

0:16:44 > 0:16:49- They got through that, but then - they discovered that Carl was deaf.

0:16:50 > 0:16:52- Having a sick child already...

0:16:52 > 0:16:57- .then find that another - had problems too was hard to bear.

0:16:58 > 0:17:04- It was stressful for everyone. - Brenda was lumbered with it all.

0:17:04 > 0:17:06- I wasn't at home either.

0:17:06 > 0:17:10- Brenda had to cope - with all the work.

0:17:10 > 0:17:14- She had to take the brunt - of the suffering at home.

0:17:16 > 0:17:20- I think you find strength somehow, - to carry on.

0:17:20 > 0:17:25- A lot of strength comes - from sheer determination, I feel.

0:17:25 > 0:17:27- And from the heart, I'm sure.

0:17:29 > 0:17:31- Since the accident in 2009...

0:17:31 > 0:17:35- ..Allan's own moods - have been unpredictable.

0:17:36 > 0:17:40- He's up and down a lot. I think - I've been stronger than Allan.

0:17:41 > 0:17:43- I've had to be strong for Allan.

0:17:43 > 0:17:48- I don't think Allan would have - got up from his chair at one time.

0:17:48 > 0:17:52- But I said he had to get up - and move around a bit.

0:17:53 > 0:17:56- It's hard mentally, in particular.

0:17:56 > 0:17:59- As I can't do anything...

0:17:59 > 0:18:02- ..not even carry a coal bucket.

0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Brenda has to do everything for me.

0:18:04 > 0:18:06- That's hard...

0:18:07 > 0:18:09- ..not being able to help at all.

0:18:09 > 0:18:12- The feelings are still the same...

0:18:12 > 0:18:14- ..mine for Allan.

0:18:14 > 0:18:16- I'm sure Allan feels the same.

0:18:16 > 0:18:20- It's just that the accident - has taken its toll on Allan.

0:18:21 > 0:18:25- It's been stressful for us all.

0:18:25 > 0:18:28- We're working through it.

0:18:30 > 0:18:34- Brenda has been - so supportive of me...

0:18:34 > 0:18:37- ..she's shown more support - than I could ever give her.

0:18:37 > 0:18:40- She's been strong through it all.

0:18:41 > 0:18:43- He might get a light job.

0:18:43 > 0:18:49- I don't think he could do heavy - work or long-distance driving.

0:18:50 > 0:18:52- I don't think many people...

0:18:53 > 0:18:58- ..go through what we've been through - and in a relatively short time.

0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Luckily, it doesn't happen often.

0:19:02 > 0:19:06- The greatest gift I could buy...

0:19:06 > 0:19:11- ..would never be enough to thank her - for what she's done and still does.

0:19:12 > 0:19:14- He doesn't owe me anything.

0:19:14 > 0:19:18- The greatest gift I've had is - that he's alive and still with us.

0:19:18 > 0:19:20- That's better than any gift.

0:19:21 > 0:19:23- Love has played a major part.

0:19:23 > 0:19:28- A husband and wife should take care - of each other at times like these.

0:19:36 > 0:19:40- Nansi Miles celebrated - her 90th birthday recently.

0:19:40 > 0:19:44- Her love for her husband - is as strong as ever.

0:19:44 > 0:19:48- But is there another reason - they've stayed together for so long?

0:19:49 > 0:19:51- We're very similar.

0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Our parents were very similar.

0:19:56 > 0:19:58- Her father...

0:19:59 > 0:20:01- ..was a musician, like my father.

0:20:06 > 0:20:08- I could rely on her.

0:20:08 > 0:20:12- I feel that maybe - I haven't shown her enough respect.

0:20:13 > 0:20:15- I really do.

0:20:18 > 0:20:20- We do look to the future.

0:20:21 > 0:20:25- We have an idea - of what we want to do in the future.

0:20:25 > 0:20:30- But as we've found out, - life doesn't always go to plan.

0:20:30 > 0:20:32- I think it's important...

0:20:32 > 0:20:37- ..that you're willing to go along - with the choices that were made.

0:20:38 > 0:20:42- I hope, in the future, - to have a family.

0:20:42 > 0:20:46- I feel - that it's important to both of us.

0:20:46 > 0:20:49- We're both traditionalists, really.

0:20:50 > 0:20:52- A year after Allan's accident...

0:20:52 > 0:20:55- ..the insurance company - stopped paying the mortgage.

0:20:56 > 0:20:59- The fear of having to sell - their home was yet another burden.

0:20:59 > 0:21:03- If we lost the house and lived - in a caravan, it wouldn't matter.

0:21:03 > 0:21:07- What really matters - is to be together, isn't it, Al?

0:21:07 > 0:21:11- Yes. It wouldn't matter - if we lived in a caravan.

0:21:11 > 0:21:13- That's what we've said all along.

0:21:15 > 0:21:19- We kept saying that we had each - other and that was what mattered.

0:21:19 > 0:21:24- Other factors are important - but our love hasn't changed.

0:21:24 > 0:21:25- Yes.

0:21:32 > 0:21:37- Why have these three couples - chosen a partner for life?

0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Why have we lasted so long?

0:21:43 > 0:21:45- A lot of it is love, I think.

0:21:46 > 0:21:50- Maybe Brenda has had - a lot of patience with me too.

0:21:51 > 0:21:53- Love is the crucial factor.

0:21:56 > 0:21:58- I think marriage is important.

0:21:58 > 0:22:02- We were brought up - to try and help each other.

0:22:03 > 0:22:06- I wouldn't change - Allan for the world.

0:22:06 > 0:22:10- I hope we'll have - another twenty years together.

0:22:12 > 0:22:15- As they say, - in sickness and in health.

0:22:16 > 0:22:17- We've certainly been through that.

0:22:17 > 0:22:18- We've certainly been through that.- - Yes.

0:22:18 > 0:22:23- Allan has been a good husband - and a good father to the boys.

0:22:23 > 0:22:27- I'll love him always - and I'll love him forever.

0:22:32 > 0:22:35- Love for each other.

0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Love...

0:22:37 > 0:22:39- ..no-one can describe it.

0:22:42 > 0:22:47- Being married is the fort - that holds everything together.

0:22:48 > 0:22:53- In 50 years, I don't think much will - have changed between Rhys and me.

0:22:53 > 0:22:58- I hope we'll still be together in - our slippers in front of the fire...

0:22:58 > 0:23:02- ..but with our family - around us in our home.

0:23:04 > 0:23:08- Even if we'd ever parted, - we'd have got back together.

0:23:08 > 0:23:12- We couldn't live - without one another, as we do now.

0:23:13 > 0:23:15- Love for each other.

0:23:27 > 0:23:30- S4C Subtitles by Gwead

0:23:30 > 0:23:31- .