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0:00:06 > 0:00:09- I think the bridge - was the great darkness...
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- ..or the cliff's edge - I flirted with at the time.
0:00:13 > 0:00:18- I'd sat on the bridges for hours - over the previous weekend...
0:00:18 > 0:00:22- ..planning precisely - where I would jump.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- For me, it was - the most perfect solution possible.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- When you know that someone - reaches the depths of despair...
0:00:34 > 0:00:38- ..having been depressed - for weeks, months, years...
0:00:38 > 0:00:42- ..it's hard to believe that someone - is in such a hopeless situation.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48- I can imagine that - if someone reaches those depths...
0:00:48 > 0:00:53- ..it gets even more difficult - to haul yourself out of that hole.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55- They can't see a way out.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- It's that dark tunnel - you're in at the time.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- You don't have - a normal perspective on life...
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- ..when you're going through that.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- The only thing you want to do...
0:01:13 > 0:01:18- ..is suppress those feelings - of emptiness and hopelessness.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26- Often, people think that depression - is just a feeling of sadness...
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- ..but more than just the sadness...
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- ..people feel that their lives - have become dull.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36- They don't enjoy the things - they used to enjoy.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- They see the world - in a negative manner.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- I was about 18 years old...
0:01:43 > 0:01:47- ..when someone told me that - my father had committed suicide.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- It was hard to comprehend initially.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59- It was a huge event that's - surrounded by a lot of stigma.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- How could I deal with it?
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- As a family, we've never spoken - about my father's depression.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Tudor was 40 - when he committed suicide.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- I'd been born a fortnight earlier.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34- It will be a painful journey but - I'm ready to take the first steps.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39- I'm trying to discover more about - what pushed my father to the edge.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- My elder brother, Arwel, was six.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- Geraint had just turned five.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50- People understand - why I appreciate my mother so much.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- She raised three of us on her own.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- I've never spoken about Dad.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- It's not an easy thing to say.
0:03:04 > 0:03:09- It's hard to say the word Dad - - it's a rather friendly label.
0:03:10 > 0:03:15- You connect it to this - dominant figure in your life...
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- ..who's such a strong influence - on you.
0:03:18 > 0:03:26- My father - as a person, he's - almost a fantasy figure in my life.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Ifor and Gwyneth Pritchard - lived opposite our home.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- They were like - a second set of parents.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40- I was fortunate, I spent time - at home with Mam and my brothers...
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- ..and opposite - with Ifor and Gwyneth.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- I was spoilt rotten - - that's why I went there so often.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56- Into my teenage years, - some things didn't make sense.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- The jigsaw didn't fit properly.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09- We're fortunate enough to live - in such a wonderful place.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- The children enjoyed - all kinds of activities.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- It was easier having them outdoors - than quarrelling in the house!
0:04:17 > 0:04:22- She worked very hard - to give us everything she could.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- Mam returned to university - to study Psychology.
0:04:25 > 0:04:31- Sometimes, she'd be going through - her notes until the early hours.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- The upbringing - of seeing her work so hard...
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- ..has rubbed off on me.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- Quicker, quicker, down the middle.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- Good, good.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- Rugby has been everything to Owain - since he was eight years old.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- He had trials - for the Wales U16 team.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- He captained Cardiff University.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- Following a knee injury...
0:05:01 > 0:05:02- ..he gave up playing.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- He enjoys being part of the game - as a referee.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- It's nice to see him developing - and enjoying himself.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19- I want to go as far as I can - as a referee.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25- If I can reach international - standard, I'll be so proud.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- I don't like being told - I can't do something.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35- Once I put my mind to something, - I'll work hard day and night...
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- ..to achieve results.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43- I was exactly the same - when I started working on Stwnsh.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48- Stwnsh is a lively programme, - I appear so happy on TV.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- It's an adrenaline rush.
0:05:54 > 0:05:59- Everyone, including me, - have periods when we're feeling sad.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04- I'm not the happy character - you're used to seeing.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- You only see me on TV - for short periods of time.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13- It's just a snippet of my life.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- I go home after work...
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- ..close the doors and watch TV, - like anyone else.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21- I go to the gym.
0:06:21 > 0:06:27- If I've had a bad day, I feel sad. - I'm no different to anyone else.
0:06:34 > 0:06:40- I might appear macho to others - because I don't discuss my feelings.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45- But I'm a quiet person, - I don't discuss my emotions.
0:06:48 > 0:06:55- As a family, we've never spoken - about depression and my father.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- Not talking about it - has been easier.
0:06:58 > 0:07:03- We're a close family, - but the more time passes...
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- ..the harder it will be - to speak about it.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- The boys have dealt - with the situation their own way.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- I think people are scared - of talking about difficult issues.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22- It's difficult to discuss issues - that could cause pain.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28- Since we didn't speak about it - when we were young...
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- ..you've almost forgotten - about the event...
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- ..or the whole situation - and you just carry on.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- Trying to start the conversation - years later...
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- ..will be far more difficult.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- You almost lock - all your emotions away.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- I can't forget about it - - I've never forgotten about it.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52- The questions have always - lingered in my mind.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57- I know if I ask Mam what happened, - it will hurt and upset her.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- She's the one I respect the most.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- Everyone knows - I speak about my mother...
0:08:02 > 0:08:06- ..and naturally notice - I never speak about my father.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- They all know - something's happened there...
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- ..but no-one asks any questions.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17- I used to lie and say he was still - alive and working as a mechanic...
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- ..in the garage - where he used to work...
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- ..just to avoid talking about it.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- It's very unpleasant - when you tell someone...
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- ..that your father - took his own life.
0:08:32 > 0:08:38- A stigma exists and our family - is a perfect example of that...
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- ..but we're not the only family - in that position.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- There are hundreds of other families - similar to ours...
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- ..keeping it within the family.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53- One person in every four - suffers mental problems...
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- ..at some point in their lives.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- Depression is one - of the most common conditions.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- It's a condition - that can affect anyone at any time.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- It affects men and women, - young and old.
0:09:10 > 0:09:18- People still differentiate - between treatment for depression...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- ..and other medical procedures.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27- People say, "Everything will - be alright, things will improve."
0:09:27 > 0:09:31- You wouldn't say that - to someone who's broken their leg.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36- They don't say, "Be strong, it'll - be OK." They say, "You need help."
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- The depression became evident - about two years before he died.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46- You couldn't foresee it - - it came out of nowhere.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51- Then again, there might have been - signs that we weren't aware of.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- You would never have thought...
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- ..he would have been the type - to suffer from depression.
0:09:58 > 0:10:04- He was happy, he was funny, he had - a lot of friends, he was generous.
0:10:04 > 0:10:09- He would do anything for anyone. - He was always helping other people.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- I've often wondered - what went through his mind...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17- ..during those dark times.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- Six months ago...
0:10:22 > 0:10:26- ..Malan Wilkinson plummeted - to the same depths of despair...
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- ..after many bouts of depression - over the years.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- Extreme would be the way - I'd describe it.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- A feeling of emptiness - filled my whole life.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- I felt absolutely hopeless...
0:10:39 > 0:10:43- ..as if life was passing me by - in slow motion.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- Sometimes, I couldn't imagine - getting up in the morning...
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- ..or making myself a cup of tea.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- I'd just stay in bed all day - - I saw no reason for getting up.
0:10:55 > 0:11:03- It's a feeling that controls you - - it's a horrible, horrible feeling.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- The only answer I had...
0:11:12 > 0:11:15- ..was taking my own life, - ending my life.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22- You start to plan - the way you would do it.
0:11:22 > 0:11:27- From where would I jump, - how would I jump?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- How would it all work?
0:11:29 > 0:11:37- I think that knowing it was the - only answer was what drove me on.
0:11:42 > 0:11:48- We must remember that suicide - is still rather uncommon.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- When you think about - the large number of people...
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- ..who suffer from depression...
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- ..only a small percentage of people - go on to take their own lives.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07- It's almost impossible to know - how that person feels.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- That's how it becomes - so difficult...
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- ..to understand - why people commit suicide.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- For us, it's so obvious - - help was available...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- ..why didn't that person - talk to someone?
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- My family didn't cross my mind - at all, in the heat of the moment.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- That sounds so selfish...
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- ..but when you're in - that mental state...
0:12:34 > 0:12:40- ..what you're doing to your loved - ones doesn't enter your mind.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- But then, - it just shook my life completely.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- I started to think about my mother. - Mam died when I was 17.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54- I started wondering what she would - think of my situation.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58- I love my sisters - - I'm one of a set of triplets.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- I thought it would be - sad to end things...
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- ..without trying something else.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- That's what pulled me back - from the edge.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07- .
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0:13:16 > 0:13:21- I know very little about my father. - I'm hoping to learn more in time.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- He was a Port lad. - All his family came from Port.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- The family's garage - was situated next to the station.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- I would see that garage every day.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40- Tudor was a member of the Round - Table, he was a town councillor...
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- ..he was chairman - of Porthmadog Town Council.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47- I knew he was suffering.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- He didn't share it - with other people...
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- ..only with those close to him.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- When you're at home, - in your own home...
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- ..you don't hide - your true feelings...
0:13:59 > 0:14:02- ..but he hid it from other people.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- A few weeks ago, I decided - to ask Mam about my father...
0:14:07 > 0:14:09- ..for the first time.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13- I'd wanted to do it for sometime, - but how?
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- It's the most difficult thing - I've ever done.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23- I didn't know how I'd react. - That sounds a little selfish.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- I was worried about being in a - position I'd never been in before...
0:14:28 > 0:14:33- ..and finding out about things - that made life more painful...
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- ..than not knowing about it.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37- It was new.
0:14:37 > 0:14:43- It was so strange, knowing we'd - buried it all away for so long.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- Within a few minutes, - I became very emotional...
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- ..and started to cry.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- I set her off too, she was in tears.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00- It was difficult, the most difficult - thing I've ever done.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- Just seeing her in such - an emotional situation.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Over the years, - she's been so strong...
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- ..and so supportive - of myself and my brothers.
0:15:10 > 0:15:16- Seeing her in such a vulnerable - position was very difficult.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- I haven't spoken to Mam about it - very much.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- In her words, - he was a nice man, a great man...
0:15:27 > 0:15:31- ..but difficult things - happened during his life...
0:15:31 > 0:15:35- ..that led to him - suffering from depression.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- I didn't know this - until about a month ago.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- He was driving to see his brother, - Uncle Mel.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- I think he was quite young, - in his 20s.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51- He was with his mother, - my grandmother.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57- A car pulled out in front of him - causing a crash.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- Nain was killed instantly - right next to him.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- Losing your mother in the seat - next to you...
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- ..must have been terrifying.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14- It must have been a huge scar - on his life...
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- ..and an influence...
0:16:17 > 0:16:25- ..and one of the factors that led - to him suffering from depression.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- I'd imagine it's something - that you can never forget.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31- It'll stay with you forever.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35- It was like a shadow over him - for the rest of his life.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- His father had died - when he was 12 years old.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- Losing his father at 12, - then his mother when he was 25...
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- ..in a car accident - that wasn't his fault...
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- ..it's bound to affect you...
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- ..your outlook on life...
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- ..and how you cope - with other things in your life.
0:17:04 > 0:17:09- Often, major events in your life - can be a catalyst for depression...
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- ..such as a death in the family, - being made redundant...
0:17:13 > 0:17:15- ..or financial difficulties.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19- In truth, those events - don't cause depression in everyone.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24- Everyone responds to stress - and life's events in different ways.
0:17:26 > 0:17:32- At its worst, people can't see - any improvement in their lives.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- They don't feel that they, - or anyone else...
0:17:35 > 0:17:38- ..can do anything - to improve their lives.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- The condition can cause people - to become blinkered...
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- ..and see the worst in everything.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- They feel rather hopeless...
0:17:48 > 0:17:53- ..that their lives won't change - for the better.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57- It's possible that the way - we deal with mental illness...
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- ..affects the stigma.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- Sometimes, people see it - as some kind of joke.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- When people talk about someone - in a mental hospital...
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- ..I think about people - who are crazy, over-the-top.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15- People being locked away - in a hospital.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- Doctors in long white coats.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- Terrifying shock treatments...
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- ..that seem to try - and reboot your system.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30- Those treatments and the old way - of thinking about mental health...
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- ..might frighten people too.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36- There's still a stigma...
0:18:36 > 0:18:40- ..surrounding mental health problems - and depression.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- I've seen the situation improving.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- More research is undertaken...
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- ..to see if there are - new treatments available.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- More research is centred around...
0:18:52 > 0:18:58- ..how to stop depression - developing in the first place.
0:18:58 > 0:19:04- It's important not to lose sight - of life's simple essentials...
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- ..such as having plenty of daylight.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14- People's work patterns - have changed to such a degree...
0:19:14 > 0:19:19- ..that some don't get enough - natural light for hours at a time.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25- Research has shown that this - affects sleep patterns and rhythms.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- Sleep deficiency - can be an important trigger...
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- ..for behavioural issues - and depression.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38- Strong evidence suggests - that regular exercise...
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- ..decreases the chances - of depression.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- People spend time working - on their physical appearance...
0:19:49 > 0:19:54- ..whilst forgetting that good - mental health is also important.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- They think that it - will take care of itself.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- The two are one ultimately...
0:19:59 > 0:20:03- ..but only one receives attention - on a daily basis.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- It's important - to take a step back...
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- ..and look at the bigger picture.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- We're very lucky - to have our health.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- We should take a step back from - the hustle and bustle of life...
0:20:21 > 0:20:26- ..and be more aware that there are - things can affect our wellbeing...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- ..if we're not careful.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33- He suffered for years - before taking his own life.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38- Imagine the time when he suffered, - how difficult it was for Mam.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43- She would see Dad lying in his bed, - unable to get up, crying.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- It's a terrifying thing.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- I hope I never experience that - during my life.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- It's as terrifying as that.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01- He received treatment in - a hospital in Llandudno for a time.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06- The treatment was unsuccessful - and apparently, made things worse...
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- ..and sent him further down - that dark tunnel.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- It made it more difficult for him - to find a way out.
0:21:13 > 0:21:20- Very gradually, throughout his life, - different events affected him.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- As time passed, - he would go deeper and deeper...
0:21:23 > 0:21:27- ..especially in the years - just before he took his own life.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- He could see that himself.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32- The sleepless nights.
0:21:32 > 0:21:39- That was the catalyst - that made him seek medical help.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43- I don't think tablets - had a positive effect on him.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46- He had sleeping tablets, - tablets for depression.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- I couldn't see any lasting effects - on his condition.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54- He was still suffering - even when he took the tablets.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Often you need emotional help.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- A pill won't answer - all the problems.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Sometimes drugs work, - sometimes they don't.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- There's always room to tweak...
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- ..but there's no two ways - about it...
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- ..depression - is an emotional condition.
0:22:13 > 0:22:18- You can't expect your problems to - be sorted out by swallowing a pill.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- Often, people are unhappy - about taking tablets...
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- ..to treat mental health problems.
0:22:24 > 0:22:29- We know that 50% of the people - who are on prescription drugs...
0:22:30 > 0:22:32- ..don't actually take them.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34- We accept that.
0:22:35 > 0:22:40- I often make sure I spend - enough time explaining...
0:22:40 > 0:22:45- ..that taking tablets - for mental health problems...
0:22:46 > 0:22:52- ..is no different - to a diabetic taking insulin...
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- ..or an asthmatic using a pump.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- People need to take the medication.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- The mindset of doctors - was different back then.
0:23:03 > 0:23:09- A doctor told Mam that Dad would - snap out of it after I was born.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- You think, "That wasn't the type - of answer I was expecting.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- "I need help here."
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- # "Moonlight Sonata" - Beethoven #
0:23:23 > 0:23:27- I'm one of a set of triplets - and we're very close as sisters.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- I think the world of them...
0:23:29 > 0:23:33- ..but I found it very difficult - to speak to them about it.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- I decided - I'd try to sort things out myself.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- I think I went to hospital - and no-one knew a thing.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45- They thought I was staying with - a friend for the first few days.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47- I thought I'd be there - for three, four days...
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- ..but I was there for three months.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- I had to tell them in the end - - it wasn't easy.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02- The doctors' diagnosis - was Bipolar II disorder.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- A lot of people have heard about - Bipolar I disorder...
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- ..where people have highs and lows.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- Type two is different. - You suffer lows far more frequently.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20- Simply put, - it's an intense form of depression.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- I'm coming through it now, - gradually, on medication.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33- I'm continuing to battle - against the great darkness.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45- You can carry on and it appears on - the outside as if nothing's wrong.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49- People don't realize that depression - is more common than they think.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- You can't tell by looking at someone - that they're suffering.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- They can live their everyday lives, - go to work...
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- ..and carry on like everyone else.
0:25:00 > 0:25:06- Some things can happen during - your life to make matters worse...
0:25:06 > 0:25:13- ..but it was there, as a condition, - for two years in the background.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- He received treatment - during that time.
0:25:17 > 0:25:23- Some bouts of depression were worse - than others when something happened.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33- I don't know exactly where it - happened and I don't want to know.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38- In my teens, - I started asking questions.
0:25:38 > 0:25:43- Why? How did he reach - that point in his life?
0:25:45 > 0:25:49- I know that he tried to take - his own life at least once before.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51- I'm not sure when it happened.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- He tried to overdose on tablets.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00- Someone found him, - collapsed on the floor.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- He was rushed to hospital - and they pumped his stomach.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09- They managed to save his life.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- More than that, I don't know.
0:26:14 > 0:26:19- It was no different to any - other time when he was suffering...
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- ..it was no better or no worse.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- I could never have foreseen that - he could have reached a point...
0:26:28 > 0:26:30- ..where life was too unbearable.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- One of my earliest recollections...
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- ..is knowing - that exhaust fumes were involved.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- I just knew - when we'd go on family trips.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49- When there were thick fumes - from a lorry in front of us...
0:26:49 > 0:26:54- ..we were told to close the car - windows because it was unpleasant.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58- Little pointers - like that made me realise...
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- ..it was connected to exhaust fumes.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- That's how he took his own life.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11- From what I understand, - there was no suicide note.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16- It's never crossed my mind - to find out if there was a letter...
0:27:16 > 0:27:21- ..explaining his emotions or - the situation he found himself in.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26- Even if one existed, - I don't think I'd want to read it.
0:27:27 > 0:27:32- It won't provide a solution - or change what happened.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35- We were all young when it happened.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- Arwel, at six years old, - was the eldest.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- Geraint was five years old.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43- I was born a fortnight earlier.
0:27:44 > 0:27:50- To some degree, I'm fortunate - in comparison to them.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53- I have no recollection of my father.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57- I have this fantasy - in my imagination...
0:27:57 > 0:28:01- ..of a person - who could have been part of my life.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- For them, - they have memories of the person.
0:28:09 > 0:28:14- They knew what he was like, they'd - built a relationship with him.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19- I can imagine that life would have - been more difficult for them...
0:28:19 > 0:28:22- ..especially during the early years.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25- They had a father figure, a person.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30- One day he was there, - the next day he was gone.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34- It's nice to think he could - have been part of our lives...
0:28:34 > 0:28:37- ..but unfortunately, - that never happened.
0:28:37 > 0:28:37- .
0:28:41 > 0:28:41- Subtitles
0:28:41 > 0:28:43- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:28:47 > 0:28:52- People's understanding of mental - health problems has improved...
0:28:52 > 0:28:54- ..but the stigma remains.
0:28:54 > 0:28:59- It affects more people in Britain - and around the world.
0:28:59 > 0:29:04- It's given more and more focus - in the media, on the Internet...
0:29:04 > 0:29:09- ..and many well-known people, - including MPs more recently...
0:29:09 > 0:29:12- ..have admitted suffering - from depression.
0:29:12 > 0:29:17- The situation is changing - but it's important to remember...
0:29:17 > 0:29:20- ..that there's a strong possibility - that doctors...
0:29:20 > 0:29:23- ..are diagnosing - more cases of depression...
0:29:23 > 0:29:26- ..because there's - an increased awareness of it.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30- To some degree, - more people are being diagnosed...
0:29:30 > 0:29:34- ..as opposed to there being - an increase in numbers.
0:29:35 > 0:29:39- The longer I stayed - in the hospital...
0:29:40 > 0:29:45- ..I realised that I might be - there to stay for a long time.
0:29:45 > 0:29:50- I realised I had to be more honest - with people about my condition.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55- After speaking to my family - about it...
0:29:55 > 0:29:59- ..I started sending messages - on Twitter from the hospital.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02- It was a relief - being able to do that.
0:30:02 > 0:30:08- It was a feeling that this - wasn't a hidden condition anymore.
0:30:08 > 0:30:12- It wasn't just something - that was happening to me.
0:30:12 > 0:30:16- I could never have imagined - the type of reaction I received.
0:30:17 > 0:30:21- It was very positive. - People wanted to show their support.
0:30:21 > 0:30:25- They visited me, - people I hadn't seen for years.
0:30:25 > 0:30:27- Others sent messages of support.
0:30:27 > 0:30:30- It was something - that lifted my spirits.
0:30:30 > 0:30:34- I've always said - that people lift other people.
0:30:34 > 0:30:36- People sent me messages - telling me...
0:30:37 > 0:30:40- ..that members of their family - had suffered depression.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42- Because I'd been so open...
0:30:42 > 0:30:45- ..it had given them the strength - to talk about it.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48- The fact that it helped others - made me cry.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58- It was obvious to everyone - that as a family...
0:30:58 > 0:31:02- ..intentionally or unintentionally, - we'd kept it within the family.
0:31:03 > 0:31:07- At the other extreme, I have - a cousin who lives in America...
0:31:07 > 0:31:11- ..and according to him, everyone, - no matter where they live...
0:31:11 > 0:31:16- ..reveals their emotions, discusses - things with a psychologist...
0:31:16 > 0:31:19- ..and in his words, - everyone is on medication...
0:31:19 > 0:31:22- ..if they're suffering - from depression.
0:31:22 > 0:31:26- Even his dog is on anti-depressants.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29- It shows that there are - two very different poles...
0:31:30 > 0:31:32- ..and one has possibly - gone too far...
0:31:32 > 0:31:34- ..while we don't go far enough.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37- We need a happy medium in-between...
0:31:37 > 0:31:40- ..which is healthier - for us as individuals.
0:31:42 > 0:31:47- There have been more treatments - and more medication available...
0:31:47 > 0:31:49- ..since the 1980s.
0:31:49 > 0:31:53- There's more medication available - with less side-effects.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56- The medication - does help some people.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00- More importantly, - there are more treatments...
0:32:00 > 0:32:02- ..where you discuss your problems.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07- It's an opportunity for the brain - to evaluate the problem...
0:32:07 > 0:32:10- ..and not just focus - on the negative aspect.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14- There are two main groups - of treatment for depression.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18- There's medication - and there's discussion.
0:32:18 > 0:32:24- The one with the greatest backing - is CBT, cognitive behaviour therapy.
0:32:25 > 0:32:30- There's an enhanced version - of CBT called Mindfulness.
0:32:30 > 0:32:32- Its origins is in Buddhism...
0:32:33 > 0:32:36- ..but it doesn't rely - on the religious aspect.
0:32:36 > 0:32:40- Notice the feelings - across the soles of your feet.
0:32:40 > 0:32:45- Move your attention - towards your toes.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47- It's a way of managing the mind.
0:32:47 > 0:32:52- It's similar to strengthening - our ability to keep fit.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55- We'd go to the gym and exercise.
0:32:55 > 0:32:58- In doing so, - we strengthen the body.
0:32:58 > 0:33:04- The Mindfulness exercises strengthen - the ability to focus on one thing.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07- Mindfulness has been recommended...
0:33:07 > 0:33:11- ..in the treatment of depression - for many years.
0:33:11 > 0:33:17- The evidence suggests that if people - exercise Mindfulness regularly...
0:33:17 > 0:33:20- ..it decreases the risk - of experiencing...
0:33:20 > 0:33:23- ..further bouts of depression - by around 50%.
0:33:23 > 0:33:27- Mindfulness has been a help, - especially for those...
0:33:27 > 0:33:31- ..who've suffered depression - more than three times.
0:33:32 > 0:33:36- There's a tendency to dwell - on past pain and concerns.
0:33:36 > 0:33:41- With these exercises, - we work on those concerns.
0:33:41 > 0:33:46- We need to take more care - of ourselves in the present.
0:33:46 > 0:33:51- What we tend to do is live our lives - in the past or in the future.
0:33:51 > 0:33:55- We spend little time - concentrating on the present.
0:33:56 > 0:34:00- Stresses or strains - are important factors in depression.
0:34:00 > 0:34:03- Before and after - the Mindfulness session...
0:34:03 > 0:34:06- ..I gave a team of scientists - a sample of my saliva.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11- They're researching into the effect - of Mindfulness on cortisol levels.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15- The levels are higher in a person - who suffers from depression.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17- Initial results are positive.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20- These are the levels of cortisol - before Mindfulness.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23- These are the levels afterwards.
0:34:24 > 0:34:29- There's been a drop in cortisol - levels which is quite interesting.
0:34:29 > 0:34:33- I can see for myself - that Mindfulness is effective.
0:34:33 > 0:34:38- If it works for someone like me, - who isn't depressed...
0:34:38 > 0:34:41- ..it will only help those - who do have depression.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44- I think - it's a very positive treatment.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48- We offer sessions - for teachers in schools...
0:34:48 > 0:34:50- ..to see if it reduces - stress levels.
0:34:50 > 0:34:55- The teachers can introduce - shorter sessions for the children...
0:34:55 > 0:34:58- ..to see if they can - help children concentrate.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03- We've introduced a pilot scheme - and the results are positive.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07- The children say - they enjoy not being taught...
0:35:07 > 0:35:10- ..and having a moment to relax.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13- They find it helps them concentrate - on their work.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17- I wouldn't be surprised - to see it being part...
0:35:17 > 0:35:19- ..of future health policy.
0:35:19 > 0:35:23- The Parliament in London - have organised a course.
0:35:23 > 0:35:27- The Assembly in Cardiff - is interested in running a course.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31- This is great. People want to know - if it's relevant to society.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34- Is it something - that can help everyone?
0:35:37 > 0:35:41- I hope that if he were alive - and suffering today...
0:35:41 > 0:35:44- ..he would benefit - from new treatments.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48- If he were here now, there could - be a treatment to save his life.
0:35:49 > 0:35:49- .
0:35:53 > 0:35:53- Subtitles
0:35:53 > 0:35:55- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:35:57 > 0:35:59- Each month, I receive an email...
0:35:59 > 0:36:03- ..detailing all the games - I'll be officiating that month.
0:36:03 > 0:36:05- It's an exciting time.
0:36:06 > 0:36:10- I'm refereeing Llanelli - versus Newport at Parc y Scarlets.
0:36:10 > 0:36:14- It's my first game as a referee - in the Welsh Premiership.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20- It's a huge game - in my development as a referee.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- I'm stepping up - to a higher standard.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25- Expectations of me will rise.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28- If I perform well - and receive a good assessment...
0:36:28 > 0:36:31- ..that stands me in good stead - for next season.
0:36:39 > 0:36:43- At times like this, I'm grateful - for the opportunities I've had...
0:36:43 > 0:36:47- ..and the support and trust - people have placed in me.
0:36:48 > 0:36:53- I hope the process and the journey - make me appreciate...
0:36:53 > 0:36:57- ..how and why my father - reached the depths of despair.
0:36:57 > 0:37:01- I accepted a long time ago - that I may never discover...
0:37:02 > 0:37:07- ..a comprehensive answer about - why my father took his own life.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10- Everyone's situation is different...
0:37:10 > 0:37:14- ..in terms of personalities, - background and life events.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19- It's just difficult to understand.
0:37:19 > 0:37:22- You have no answers - and it's difficult to understand.
0:37:22 > 0:37:26- When there are no answers, - it's difficult to discuss.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32- I don't think it's possible - to rush through something like that.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34- You must discuss it step by step.
0:37:38 > 0:37:43- My hope is that the conversations - gradually become easier...
0:37:43 > 0:37:46- ..and discussing - the matter happens more naturally.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49- The man Mam fell in love with...
0:37:49 > 0:37:54- ..where I came from, my background - on that side of the family...
0:37:54 > 0:37:58- ..I hope it can unite the family.
0:37:58 > 0:38:03- There's no split in the family, - far from it...
0:38:03 > 0:38:09- ..but I can imagine that - there are barriers between us.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12- I hope we can bring down - those barriers...
0:38:13 > 0:38:16- ..and take a step - in the right direction.
0:38:18 > 0:38:22- When you have young children, - you just try your best.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24- The children come first.
0:38:24 > 0:38:28- That's the only thing you can do - - carry on and do your best.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31- I'm very proud of my three sons.
0:38:31 > 0:38:35- They've all succeeded - - they all have university degrees.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38- They've done very well, - they have good jobs.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41- They worked hard - to get where they are.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44- I think they deserve to succeed.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47- They've put in a lot of effort...
0:38:47 > 0:38:50- ..to get where they are today.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54- I want to be a success - - it's part of who I am.
0:38:54 > 0:38:56- I want to achieve as much as I can.
0:38:57 > 0:38:59- If you don't achieve your goals...
0:38:59 > 0:39:04- ..and as you get older, your - aspirations start to disappear...
0:39:04 > 0:39:07- ..you begin to have regrets.
0:39:07 > 0:39:12- You think you've let yourself down, - you've let others down.
0:39:12 > 0:39:16- There are expectations - on you from a very young age.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19- If you want to be a doctor, - you can be a doctor.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- If you want to be - this or the other, you can.
0:39:22 > 0:39:26- If you don't achieve those goals...
0:39:26 > 0:39:29- ..you'll feel as if - you've let yourself down.
0:39:30 > 0:39:34- Maybe you'll start - to feel disappointed and sad.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38- That's when - you start spiralling downwards.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43- I've posed difficult questions - about depression.
0:39:43 > 0:39:49- Is there a potential, is it in - the DNA that runs in the family?
0:39:49 > 0:39:51- Will it affect me at some point?
0:39:51 > 0:39:56- Like my father, - will a trigger set it off?
0:39:57 > 0:40:03- Am I more susceptible than others - because it runs in the family?
0:40:03 > 0:40:06- Depression can run in the family...
0:40:06 > 0:40:09- ..but you can't say for sure - it's a genetic condition.
0:40:10 > 0:40:13- If there is family history - of the illness...
0:40:13 > 0:40:17- ..that doesn't mean that family - members will suffer depression...
0:40:17 > 0:40:19- ..but it's important to be careful.
0:40:20 > 0:40:24- If family members start to develop - symptoms similar to depression...
0:40:24 > 0:40:26- ..it would be wise to seek help.
0:40:26 > 0:40:32- We all know Nigel Owens - as one of the world's best referees.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36- He is also - a WRU referees' assessor...
0:40:36 > 0:40:41- ..and he helps develop - young referees from the academy.
0:40:41 > 0:40:46- Every Welsh Premiership match - is recorded.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49- I'm assessed by him - in a video briefing...
0:40:49 > 0:40:51- ..step by step.
0:40:51 > 0:40:55- He analyses every decision - in fine detail.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58- He picks up on things I can improve.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02- The ball's there, - you know it's safe.
0:41:02 > 0:41:06- You can have a quick scan over here. - It's all down to practise.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10- This will be a step up - from the level you're used to.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13- Everything happens quicker.
0:41:13 > 0:41:18- When I talk to Nigel, - he analyses my refereeing...
0:41:18 > 0:41:22- ..but I also know that he - once suffered with depression.
0:41:22 > 0:41:26- He almost took his own life.
0:41:26 > 0:41:31- You learn a valuable lesson right - away when you think about that.
0:41:31 > 0:41:34- He was at his lowest ebb.
0:41:34 > 0:41:37- He overcame that - and became a great success.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41- In terms of my own experience, - dealing with my sexuality...
0:41:41 > 0:41:45- ..being overweight, become - underweight through bulimia...
0:41:46 > 0:41:48- ..and taking drugs.
0:41:48 > 0:41:53- That was the cocktail - that pushed me towards depression.
0:41:53 > 0:41:57- When you're at your lowest, - when you can go no further...
0:41:57 > 0:41:59- ..you can only see one way out.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03- That night, - I was at a point in my life...
0:42:04 > 0:42:07- ..where I'll never forgive myself - for what I did.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09- In terms of my experience...
0:42:10 > 0:42:13- ..my depression built up over time.
0:42:13 > 0:42:17- I decided, - "That's it, I'm going to do this."
0:42:17 > 0:42:20- Within a few hours, I was doing it.
0:42:22 > 0:42:25- I don't know, but I don't think - that's true of everyone.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27- Some people take their time.
0:42:28 > 0:42:33- It took me two to three hours - to reach that point.
0:42:33 > 0:42:36- I wrote a note to my parents...
0:42:36 > 0:42:41- ..I walked around the village where - I was raised for the last time.
0:42:41 > 0:42:45- I looked at places - that were important in my life.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48- Where I played as a child, - all the memories.
0:42:48 > 0:42:53- Within those two to three hours, - I knew that I was ready.
0:42:53 > 0:42:57- Fortunately, - that time never arrived.
0:42:57 > 0:43:01- Had the police helicopter - not found me in time...
0:43:01 > 0:43:05- ..within about 20 minutes, - I wouldn't be here now.
0:43:05 > 0:43:06- I'd be dead.
0:43:06 > 0:43:11- Myself, and many others like me, - have reached that point...
0:43:11 > 0:43:14- ..and come through it, thankfully.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17- Believe me, life is better now...
0:43:17 > 0:43:21- ..than it was - when I reached that dark place.
0:43:23 > 0:43:28- At Cardiff University's - Brain Research Imaging Centre...
0:43:28 > 0:43:34- ..they're developing new treatments - that offer hope to future sufferers.
0:43:34 > 0:43:38- The brain is a complex network - of areas which link up.
0:43:39 > 0:43:44- The aim of this research is to find - different treatments for depression.
0:43:44 > 0:43:48- Many people don't respond - to any of the current treatments.
0:43:49 > 0:43:50- Everyone's brain is different.
0:43:51 > 0:43:54- Something that works for one person - doesn't always work for another.
0:43:55 > 0:43:59- Around 30% of people don't respond - to any kind of treatment...
0:43:59 > 0:44:01- ..so it's a major problem.
0:44:01 > 0:44:05- We develop treatments - specifically for the individual.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08- It's not something - that works for everyone.
0:44:09 > 0:44:12- We use a technique - called neuro-feedback.
0:44:12 > 0:44:16- The idea is to place people - in the MRI scanner...
0:44:16 > 0:44:20- ..try and work out which parts - of the brain work the most...
0:44:20 > 0:44:24- ..whey they see or think - about positive things...
0:44:25 > 0:44:30- ..and teach people how to make - those areas work more efficiently.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33- We showed them - positive and negative images...
0:44:33 > 0:44:36- ..and saw which brain areas - worked the most...
0:44:37 > 0:44:39- ..when positive images were shown.
0:44:39 > 0:44:42- We can teach Owain - how to increase activity...
0:44:43 > 0:44:45- ..in the important part - of the brain...
0:44:46 > 0:44:48- ..for a positive outlook.
0:44:48 > 0:44:54- We can adapt the technique - and use it on a daily basis.
0:44:54 > 0:44:59- People who suffer from depression - then know how to treat themselves.
0:44:59 > 0:45:03- Had my father had the opportunity - to do something like this...
0:45:04 > 0:45:07- ..how would his results - have differed to mine?
0:45:07 > 0:45:11- It's hard to make comparisons - between individuals...
0:45:11 > 0:45:16- ..but people suffering from - depression have less brain activity.
0:45:16 > 0:45:19- There was a lot of activity - in your scan.
0:45:19 > 0:45:24- If someone had depression, - they would have less activity...
0:45:24 > 0:45:31- ..and it would be more difficult to - train the brain to work positively.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36- With depression - running in the family...
0:45:36 > 0:45:39- ..I'm glad my brain - shows no signs of the condition...
0:45:39 > 0:45:42- ..but this journey - has taught me the importance...
0:45:42 > 0:45:44- ..of looking after the mind.
0:45:44 > 0:45:47- My psychologist always says - it is what it is.
0:45:47 > 0:45:51- If people just accept things - for what they are...
0:45:51 > 0:45:55- ..and don't have such a desire - to achieve so much all the time...
0:45:55 > 0:46:00- ..they'd be under less pressure and - their mental health would improve.
0:46:01 > 0:46:05- You can't help anyone - until they admit there's a problem.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08- That's a difficult - part of depression.
0:46:08 > 0:46:12- You don't want anyone to know - about your life...
0:46:12 > 0:46:15- ..and as a result, - no-one can help you.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19- I was very fortunate to be given - a second opportunity.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23- Thankfully, - I know it's helped many people.
0:46:23 > 0:46:26- I discussed for hours - with one young person...
0:46:27 > 0:46:29- ..who was ready - to take his own life.
0:46:29 > 0:46:32- Luckily, he didn't - go through with it.
0:46:32 > 0:46:34- I know from experience - that it helped.
0:46:34 > 0:46:38- It winds me up sometimes - - people should talk more.
0:46:38 > 0:46:41- If I'd known - about certain situations...
0:46:41 > 0:46:44- ..I would have tried to help - or get in touch.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48- Unfortunately, - it's not as easy as that.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55- The first step - is the most difficult step.
0:46:55 > 0:46:58- Now that he's started the journey...
0:46:58 > 0:47:01- ..he's finding it easier - to ask more questions.
0:47:02 > 0:47:06- There's a long way to go - but now that he's started...
0:47:06 > 0:47:11- ..he feels that the door is open to - ask more questions about his father.
0:47:13 > 0:47:19- He feels happier that he can - do that without upsetting me.
0:47:20 > 0:47:26- I hope that talking about it will - inspire others to talk about it.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29- I hope we can break that stigma.
0:47:30 > 0:47:34- I've started seeing the effects - right away...
0:47:34 > 0:47:36- ..in my own family - and close friends.
0:47:37 > 0:47:39- It does get easier.
0:47:39 > 0:47:45- Society has a long way to go - to accept and understand...
0:47:45 > 0:47:49- ..that this - is a terribly sad illness.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52- For me, there's no hurry.
0:47:52 > 0:47:55- The journey's started, - I'm glad it's started.
0:47:55 > 0:47:59- That's how I deal with it - - I'm taking little baby steps...
0:47:59 > 0:48:03- ..in the hope - that I can walk and run after that.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26- S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.
0:48:26 > 0:48:26- .