0:00:02 > 0:00:04I've spent a lifetime asking awkward questions,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07the ones we all want to know the answers to but, apart from me,
0:00:07 > 0:00:09are probably too polite to ask.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11What's wrong with being ugly?
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Where was your shame, Malcolm?
0:00:13 > 0:00:14I didn't have any.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18- That's a really below the belt question, Anne.- Of course it is.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22'I've been the length of Britain putting people on the spot about
0:00:22 > 0:00:27'their bodies, their mothering skills, their love lives.'
0:00:27 > 0:00:28Are you in a relationship?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30It's complicated.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33'Our obsession with how we look.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35'Our infatuation with pets.'
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Good evening, it's Magnificat live from London!
0:00:38 > 0:00:42'The intimate secrets we don't tell anyone.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45'Discovering what really goes on behind closed doors.'
0:00:46 > 0:00:47- Hello!- Wendy.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49'Tonight...
0:00:49 > 0:00:50'Parenting.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54'Are you really any good at it?'
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Do you want some booby? Shall we calm you down?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02'Should mothers go by instinct or by the book?'
0:01:02 > 0:01:06It's a bit like how I train my dog.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09'Fathers be hands-on or hands-off?'
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- It's quite a controlling way of life.- Do you think?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14'Are single parents honestly up to the job?'
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Can I come into the madhouse?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- Yes.- I'll see you in about a half hour.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22'I'll also be giving two mothers with very different approaches
0:01:22 > 0:01:26'to parenting a chance to compare their skills.'
0:01:26 > 0:01:29If my child got to six and couldn't read or write,
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I'd be worried and I'd feel like I failed them.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36Tonight's toe curling question, are you a good enough mother?
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Are you a decent dad?
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Is it try on time?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Do you already know what you want to wear?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- It depends what colour you are wearing.- OK.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57My daughter, Emma, is adorable, funny, clever, a fantastic mother,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59but often very, very annoying.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- It looks really pretty on you. - That's wonderful on you.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- I look like a pumpkin.- No, you don't. It's fantastic, darling.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07'Was I a good enough mother from the start?
0:02:07 > 0:02:08'Hardly.
0:02:08 > 0:02:13'While she was tiny, I developed a catastrophic drink problem and,
0:02:13 > 0:02:17'for a few years, my mothering was far from perfect.'
0:02:17 > 0:02:20It's not wow, is it?
0:02:20 > 0:02:21- Um...- Is it?
0:02:21 > 0:02:22She can be very tricky.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Very tricky!
0:02:24 > 0:02:30But I adore her and I know, ultimately, you know,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33she would give me anything and do anything for me.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38'In my time, there were no poo charts, Mandarin lessons,
0:02:38 > 0:02:41'maths tuition or any mothering manuals.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43'We just muddled through.'
0:02:43 > 0:02:48Now parenting is very intense and can be incredibly micromanaging and,
0:02:48 > 0:02:50you know, you are there every step of the way.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52It's not necessarily better, though.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56You are all striving for an impossible goal,
0:02:56 > 0:02:58which is to be perfect mothers.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01That's where it's all gone pear-shaped.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05'Hear this, there is no such thing as the perfect mother.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09'I mean, even if you gather together all the nearly perfect mothers in
0:03:09 > 0:03:12'Britain, they wouldn't stretch across Oxford Street.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16'The question is, what sort of mum or dad is good enough?'
0:03:16 > 0:03:18What we really need to give our children, surely,
0:03:18 > 0:03:22is lorry-loads of love and take every opportunity to boost their
0:03:22 > 0:03:25confidence. Well, that's a pretty good start.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27But how do you get there?
0:03:28 > 0:03:33I'm on a mission to find out what sort of parenting works and what,
0:03:33 > 0:03:35indeed, is plain daft.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41In my quest to find some answers,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I'm on my way to the Isle of Wight to meet Annie.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48She is 42, has seven children
0:03:48 > 0:03:53and the three youngest all sleep in her bed.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Do you want some booby? Shall we calm you down?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Yeah.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Do you want some milk or do you want to get down?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14- Well, good morning.- Hello.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18What sort of parent would you describe yourself as?
0:04:18 > 0:04:22I would describe myself as gentle attachment parenting.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Which is different to what the majority of mothers do.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Yeah. It's kind of how nature intended it to be.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32To keep that baby close, to keep away predators,
0:04:32 > 0:04:34to feed your baby yourself.
0:04:34 > 0:04:39A lot of people think it's some kind of New Age hippy-style of parenting,
0:04:39 > 0:04:41but it's actually not.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45It's actually just going back to basics without all the
0:04:45 > 0:04:49commercialised paraphernalia that kind of goes with it.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54'Yes, attachment parenting means no prams, no cots, no bottles,
0:04:54 > 0:04:57'babies never leave your breast. Crikey.'
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- Right, do you want to sit on my lap? - No, no, no!
0:05:00 > 0:05:02HE SQUEALS
0:05:06 > 0:05:08HE SQUEALS
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- Mum.- Yes, sweetheart? - Tiggy just pinched me.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14OK, were you pinching him? Would you like to say sorry to Freddie?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- No.- No, you wouldn't. OK.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21'Annie believes the bond between mother and child is sacrosanct.'
0:05:21 > 0:05:25So, is there any time your children are left in the charge of somebody
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- else?- Up until the age of two, I don't leave them with anyone, even,
0:05:29 > 0:05:34- like, with my husband.- So, what sort of access does your husband have?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36- Um... - SHE LAUGHS
0:05:36 > 0:05:38From afar.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42'And what does that afar actually mean?'
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- Making a cup of tea. Lovely.- Good.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49So, Annie, he is handy around the house?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Yeah, he's quite well-trained, yeah.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Do you feel that Annie's way of parenting shuts you out?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56No, not at all.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Not at all. Babies are babies, aren't they?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01They just lay there, they cry and they need feeding,
0:06:01 > 0:06:02so I can't really do too much.
0:06:02 > 0:06:08Supposing Sean had disagreed with your way of parenting?
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I think I'm a strong enough person
0:06:09 > 0:06:11that I still would have done it anyway.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13And what would have happened to Sean?
0:06:13 > 0:06:17If he didn't behave, I would have kicked him into touch.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19In essence, the children are more important than Sean?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Yes. Yes, definitely.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25So, how do you find time for just the two of you?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Well, we do. We went out for a meal on our own the other week,
0:06:28 > 0:06:30first time in nine years, so, yeah.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33You can't have sex while you are out for a meal.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34- No.- No.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42'For Annie, attachment mothering, unsurprisingly, means no school.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48'Tiggy - two, Fred - three, Quiani - nine and Alfie - 12,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50'all have classes together.'
0:06:50 > 0:06:52While the two little ones are quiet,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55I'm just going to show you this technique that I found that will
0:06:55 > 0:06:57help with your multiplications.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- Say we have...- Can I do maths?
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Mummy's just going to do this to show Alfie.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05So, we've got 32 times 14.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07That's my... That's my turn.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10CHILDREN SHOUTING
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Shall we just let the kids draw first and then...?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Look, I'll tell you what, I'm going to lift this down.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- Bloody hell, Mum. - And then you can both...
0:07:25 > 0:07:27This is serious multitasking.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31You're teaching multiplication and you're breast-feeding another child.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34THEY LAUGH
0:07:34 > 0:07:40How do you cope with four children at home 24-7?
0:07:40 > 0:07:41- I love it.- Do you?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Yeah, I love being with them 24-7.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Yeah, I just... I think that's how I thrive.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50So, the home-schooling is an extension of that belief?
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Yeah, because I get to watch them grow and develop
0:07:54 > 0:07:58and know that that's not down to some teacher that gets to spend all
0:07:58 > 0:08:02my children's childhood with them. I get to do it myself.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03You think you're a good mother?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Yeah, I think I'm a fantastic mother.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- Do you?- Yeah.- On a scale of one to ten, where would you come?
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- Ten, definitely.- Ten?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Your way of parenting is the complete opposite of
0:08:14 > 0:08:17some child experts, such as Gina Ford,
0:08:17 > 0:08:19who preaches discipline at every turn.
0:08:19 > 0:08:24In my opinion, she is trying to train animals rather than, you know,
0:08:24 > 0:08:25bring up children.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28In her book, it's about making life easier for the mother.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32- For the mother.- That's the thing that I have the issue with is that,
0:08:32 > 0:08:36you know, all aspects of parenting at the moment is about
0:08:36 > 0:08:39what's making life easier for the parent
0:08:39 > 0:08:43and it's not actually attending to the child's needs.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46It's down to me. That's my job.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Thank you.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49Lovely to meet you.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59Gosh, her patience was extraordinary.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04I think Annie probably came out of the womb a fully-formed mother,
0:09:04 > 0:09:08but that chaotic stab at home-schooling...
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Is she really fulfilling her own needs and ambitions?
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Although, of course, to a certain extent, all parents do.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18But aren't they missing out on the rough and tumble
0:09:18 > 0:09:20of having to cope with classmates?
0:09:24 > 0:09:29I'd say Annie does relentless, backbreaking mothering.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Mmm. Don't we all love to judge?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36So, next up, two mothers whose chosen method of parenting couldn't
0:09:36 > 0:09:38be more different.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Oh, my goodness.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41I've asked them to take a deep breath
0:09:41 > 0:09:43and observe each other's philosophy.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47This is Sherise.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49She's 35 and works part-time as cabin crew.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52But only does two shifts a month.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Do I encourage them and do I expect them to give 100% effort?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Yes, then I'm a pushy mum.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00And this is Corinne, who's 38.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Parenting style? Quite laid-back, making it up as I go along,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07not very good with routines.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Go over there while we light this.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Corinne lives in Sheffield with her husband, Gareth,
0:10:14 > 0:10:15and their five boys.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Tom - 17, Obie - six, Wilfred - five, Arthur - two
0:10:23 > 0:10:25and 11-month-old Frank.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29I don't really understand people being very pushy with their kids.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Filling their days with a lot of stuff.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35I want my boys to do what they love and to be happy.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Anyway, Corrine is going to pack her bags and say goodbye to Sheffield
0:10:43 > 0:10:47and take herself and baby Frank to South London,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50to a home where mothering is almost on another planet.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53I'm a little bit nervous but quite excited as well.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06The house is empty, so Corinne has a chance to nosy around.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Oh, wow!
0:11:12 > 0:11:17It looks like the children do jujitsu and boxing.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19What's this? Home learning timetable.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Looks like they're really encouraged to do well at school.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31There's also a manual about how this mother does her job.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33"Welcome to our home. I'm Sherise.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36"Today, I think there's too much emphasis on doing OK.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38"I want my children to always give their best.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41"Our days are jam-packed full of other activities, too.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44"They have swimming and athletics as well as piano lessons."
0:11:44 > 0:11:47I think the amount they're doing is a bit of a shock.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51"I don't see myself as a tiger mum. I'm a lioness."
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Corrine is going to spend two days
0:11:56 > 0:11:59observing the techniques of Sherise,
0:11:59 > 0:12:01who, frankly, sounds a bit scary.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Then the tables will be turned.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- Hello.- Hi.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- This is Frank.- Hello, Frank.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13- I'm Corinne.- Hi, Corinne.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- I'm Sherise, as you know.- Thank you so much for letting me look around
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- the house.- OK.- I can see that you really encourage them.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- Just with the sports... - That's the bottom line.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Encourage them. Really, really encouraging them.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27We're really, really, really encouraging and supporting parents.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29If you just want to have an off day and be lazy,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- we're not going to let you. It's not going to fly.- That's what I was
0:12:32 > 0:12:34wondering, if they say they don't want to do something...
0:12:34 > 0:12:36That's not really good enough.
0:12:37 > 0:12:43Sherise's children are all international jujitsu champions.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46I'm just going to boil some potatoes for their tea.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Twice a week after school, everyone is off to training.
0:12:49 > 0:12:54There's Nia - 11, Zuri - eight and Amar - six.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57If you look at some of the most high-achieving athletes,
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Lewis Hamilton, his dad played a huge part in that.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- If you look at the Williams sisters, their dad played...- Yeah.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06There's always a parent behind there that's literally sacrificing,
0:13:06 > 0:13:11and there needs to be. Because you don't create an athlete or a
0:13:11 > 0:13:13high-achiever without that support.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16We are Team Blackman. We actually have a hashtag.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- You do!- Yes, we do! #TeamBlackman.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Let's do this!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30It's school pick-up time.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32We're in a rush. You can tell we're in a rush.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33It's 3.10.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Jujitsu is at 5.00
0:13:35 > 0:13:40but it is in Willesden, North London, 17 miles away.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Do you want a napkin?
0:13:42 > 0:13:47On these training days, the children don't get home till 9.00,
0:13:47 > 0:13:49so the food made earlier is eaten as they travel.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Good dinner? Still warm?
0:13:53 > 0:13:54Your mum's a genius.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Hold your sister's hand.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01The journey involved two trains,
0:14:01 > 0:14:05one bus, and takes anything up to an hour and a half.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I can't breathe.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Three hours is a hefty commute by any standards.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13She's got the baby, so don't rush.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25So far, Team Blackman have done a 12-hour day.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28# Everybody was kung fu fighting
0:14:28 > 0:14:33# Those cats were fast as lightning... #
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I am exhausted.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38The kids are fine, she's fine but, yeah, I'm flagging now.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Corinne - and me - want to know why
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Sherise pushes her children this hard.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46You know, don't get me wrong. Zuri's going through it now.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Can't be bothered. And me and George said, "I've got a job.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50"I've got a house.
0:14:50 > 0:14:55"If you want these things, you have to apply yourself, darling.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57"No-one is going to go, 'Here's a house. Here's a good job.'
0:14:57 > 0:15:00"They won't. So you've got to make a decision."
0:15:03 > 0:15:06I think she wants them to know that, in life, if you want something,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09you have to really work for it and really go for it.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10I'm more like,
0:15:10 > 0:15:13"Yeah, everything will all work out all right in the end."
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Never mind laid-back, always on the go,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22both these mothers are doing the lion's share
0:15:22 > 0:15:25of bringing up their children.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30Indeed, whatever else has changed, in 75% of British homes,
0:15:30 > 0:15:31this remains the case.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Of course, there are hands-on fathers out there.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Is their approach as strong as the mothers we've met?
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Go for it, man.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Here's a dad in Wolverhampton who truly takes the leading role.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Very, very good.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Steve and Ester have been married for 20 years.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56Their four children's ages range between 11 and 17.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57- Hi, there.- Hello.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- Hi there, Anne. Nice to see you. - Hi. Hi.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Steve insists on the family spending quality time together.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Why is this important?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I think activities are good, not just for the sake of the activity,
0:16:12 > 0:16:13it creates space and time.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17And I think time is essential for good relationships.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20We've already had time together this morning.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- Doing what?- We actually had time to pray together.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25How long do you pray for?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Maybe 25, 30 minutes.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Yeah. And what was the thought?
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Around the fact that we carry something of God in our lives and we
0:16:33 > 0:16:36want that to shine out in the way that we live today.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Rock climbing and prayer are top of Steve's list.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46How did the rest of the family feel about it?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Bethany, out of ten, how much have you enjoyed this?
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I've enjoyed spending time with my family, so I would say eight.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- 11.- 11?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Well done!
0:17:02 > 0:17:07Steve is a full-time leader in the Church of Nations,
0:17:07 > 0:17:12and his parenting is solidly based on what he sees as Christian values.
0:17:12 > 0:17:17I think the Bible has a lot to say about how parents treat children,
0:17:17 > 0:17:21how children treat parents and how society should be.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25So that becomes my kind of guideline in the way that I'm parenting,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28whether it's around character, morals, integrity.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31And where doe obedience play its part?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I think obedience is very important.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37It's a form of honour,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40when somebody asks you to do something and you do it,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42without, kind of, giving lip back.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Steve's unbending doctrine
0:17:47 > 0:17:51has resulted in hugely respectful children
0:17:51 > 0:17:54who are almost angelic around the house.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56But what about Esther? Where does she fit in?
0:17:57 > 0:18:03If someone were to observe you and say, "Well, Steve thinks seems to
0:18:03 > 0:18:06"call the shots in this family," what would you say, Ester?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I would say that he does lead this home.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12- Yeah.- He holds to firm boundaries and I'm really pleased that he has,
0:18:12 > 0:18:15cos early on, if I thought he was being too harsh with one of our kids
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- if they were having a big tantrum at two...- Yeah.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22..I'm so grateful that he held the line and was firm,
0:18:22 > 0:18:25because now the behaviour is fantastic from the kids.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28And we've realised that if you can discipline them when they're young,
0:18:28 > 0:18:30as they get older, they're a delight.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32I trust Steve.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I think he makes good decisions and good choices
0:18:35 > 0:18:37and I want to submit to that.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Would you call yourself an obedient wife?
0:18:40 > 0:18:41I'd like to think I am!
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- Really?- I'd like to think I am.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47I find real freedom in just submitting to him.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55'OK, this is not a modern marriage.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59'Might there be any popular 21st-century influences
0:18:59 > 0:19:01'under this roof?'
0:19:01 > 0:19:04The children, have they read Harry Potter?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Have you read Harry Potter?
0:19:06 > 0:19:07- ALL:- No.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11No-one around this table has read Harry Potter?
0:19:11 > 0:19:12No.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16The nature of the book, the magic element, the kind of...
0:19:16 > 0:19:19was a little bit of a put-off area.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I am reading a book at the moment.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- What's that about?- It's like a biography of two people that are
0:19:25 > 0:19:29missionaries and gone to Cambodia. It's just inspirational, really.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34'No teenage rebellion here.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38'This family remains entirely committed to Steve's teaching.
0:19:38 > 0:19:43'How does he manage to avoid mutiny and door slamming?'
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Well, it's called "date time with Dad" but with a boy's name.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49We call it boys' night or boys' evening or boys' time.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52'Yes, once a month, Steve spends one-on-one time
0:19:52 > 0:19:56'with each of his children. Today, it's 17-year-old Beth's turn.'
0:19:58 > 0:20:01How would you describe your relationship with your father?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03It's very close,
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I think, compared to a lot of people I know.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09So, if I wasn't here today, what would you two be chatting about?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Because university is so much on the table right now,
0:20:12 > 0:20:14conversations are around university,
0:20:14 > 0:20:17conversations around what she's feeling, what she's thinking.
0:20:17 > 0:20:23And, Steve, how realistic is it, once Bethany goes to university
0:20:23 > 0:20:27and is in this mix of new friends,
0:20:27 > 0:20:31whose values will be very different from yours...
0:20:31 > 0:20:35I think they'll be tested. She won't just be left, you know.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36I will be praying for her.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39But I think she's smart enough to make right choices.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43And do you have rules about sex before marriage?
0:20:43 > 0:20:47We believe that sex is best within a marriage context.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50And so, and we've taught that to our children.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I think it's just there's something better about waiting
0:20:53 > 0:20:55and I don't think I'm at an age to decide,
0:20:55 > 0:20:57"I'm going to marry this person."
0:20:57 > 0:21:02So until I've realised that, I'm not in a place to have a boyfriend.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05It's quite a controlling way of life, Steve.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- You think?- Well, it could be interpreted that way.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12OK. I guess it's how you define control.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- Yeah.- And whether control's wrong or bad.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18If it was abusive, if it was manipulative,
0:21:18 > 0:21:20I would agree it's wrong.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23How sure are you that your way is right?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26I'm not. It just seems to be working right now.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I love my kids. I love what they're becoming.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31If somebody showed me a better way, I'd take it.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34# The only one who could ever reach me
0:21:34 > 0:21:36# Was the son of a preacher man... #
0:21:36 > 0:21:38I think it's fair to describe that
0:21:38 > 0:21:41as a single-handed iron grip on family life.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Not a squeak out of any of them.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Unlike the rest of us, Steve never has to deal with angry teenagers.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52But what chances are there
0:21:52 > 0:21:56of those children developing their own thoughts and ideas?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Anyway, after that dose of father power,
0:22:00 > 0:22:03let's see how our mother swap in South London is doing.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05All-action Sherise, remember,
0:22:05 > 0:22:08is showing laid-back Corinne her way of parenting.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- Morning.- Good morning, Frank.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Say hello.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16It's 6.15, and Sherise is off to the gym with 11-year-old Nia
0:22:16 > 0:22:17to do a training session.
0:22:19 > 0:22:25I'm used to the early start, just not being so up and active.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Come on.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Just do them, Nia. Come on.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Faster. We are doing three sets of 15.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Go.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46One, two...
0:22:46 > 0:22:49So how many times a week does she do it?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51This is three times a week.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52- OK.- It's only about an hour
0:22:52 > 0:22:56and then generally on the days that she does this, she'll go to the gym.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- She'll do training in the evening. - OK.- I know my daughter.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01I know her limitations.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03We have that relationship and I can guide.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Yeah, I encourage her in a less kind of pressured way.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08She doesn't even break a sweat.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10SHE LAUGHS
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- Do you want to row and I'll start stepping?- OK.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19It's quite intense, what she does.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20- Do you think so?- Yeah.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- It really is.- God, I sound like a nutcase, don't I?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27I think that, just from my point of view,
0:23:27 > 0:23:31I couldn't imagine my eldest doing this.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34But then, I suppose if you'd seen how she competes.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35- Yeah.- It kind of ties in.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38You can't make a cake without breaking a few eggs.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Trust me, they will thank me.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Five minutes to do some sprint rowing and then we'll just do some
0:23:46 > 0:23:48sprints and we're done, OK?
0:23:52 > 0:23:56After the work-out, Nia has a full day of school ahead,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00while Corinne has been allowed a bit of a breather.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Is that fun? Is that fun?
0:24:04 > 0:24:05It's a really weird thing,
0:24:05 > 0:24:09because it's all promoting really positive attributes in them
0:24:09 > 0:24:13as children and as adults, so I can see the benefits.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16But at the same time, for me, I think...
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I want my kids to just have a childhood.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I want them to play and enjoy themselves.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30On top of their homework, they do extra maths and English every day.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- You know that instantly. - Seven.- Yeah.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Today, George, their father, is in charge.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42What have you forgotten at the beginning?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44£7. Yeah.
0:24:44 > 0:24:45That's it.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49- Hi.- Bonjour.- Bonjour.- Comment ca va?
0:24:49 > 0:24:53And after maths, it's French.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55THEY SPEAK FRENCH
0:25:00 > 0:25:05So the kids do a lot with school and sports and everything but also then,
0:25:05 > 0:25:06they've got tutoring on top.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10- Yeah.- Do you ever feel that's too much for them?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12I just don't think that's even a question.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15How can you encourage someone too much?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Maybe that's too arrogant. I don't know.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19They are never getting out of the tutoring.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- THEY LAUGH - But the training...
0:25:21 > 0:25:22That's too important to you.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Doing well at school is really, really important, well,
0:25:24 > 0:25:25to them, really.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33Corinne has chosen to be a full-time mother, unusual these days,
0:25:33 > 0:25:36when three-quarters of all mothers have a job.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42I was an unashamed career mother with plenty of hired help at home,
0:25:42 > 0:25:44exactly the same as my mother had been.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49And out of the ordinary for her time and mine, and gosh,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51was my way met with disapproval.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56Nowadays, of course, the ambitious career mother is commonplace.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57The only difference being
0:25:57 > 0:26:01that it seems to come with an enormous amount of guilt
0:26:01 > 0:26:04and an absolute desperate need for perfection.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12So how easy is it to have a successful career
0:26:12 > 0:26:16and still be a good enough mother? Can you really have it all?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20So this is Felicity and Christopher Kane.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23So, the front of the book on the sweatshirts, yeah?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Brilliant.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29Lorraine Candy is editor in chief of Elle UK,
0:26:29 > 0:26:32one of the world's biggest fashion magazines.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34She has four school-age children.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Her full-time job includes travelling to international fashion shows,
0:26:38 > 0:26:41sales meetings, advertising budgets.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Hello, Lorraine.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45'And of course, decisions about what
0:26:45 > 0:26:48'goes into each edition of her publication.'
0:26:48 > 0:26:49For autumn, winter,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52there is a lot of spring, summery-type colours.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Pink is a colour.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Baby blue. There's a lot of denim and there's a lot of velvet.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58'How does she juggle that
0:26:58 > 0:27:01'with two teenage girls and a four and a six-year-old?'
0:27:01 > 0:27:04What are you missing out during the day?
0:27:04 > 0:27:07I do miss out on things. All working mums miss out on things.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11I miss out on, sometimes on a sports day. You know, often,
0:27:11 > 0:27:16the one big meeting you have a year happens on the same day as the thing
0:27:16 > 0:27:18that your 12-year-old really wants you to be at.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20And it's very difficult to make that decision.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Does it bother you more than her?
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Yeah, I think it bothers working mums much more.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30'Lorraine has been an editor in chief for more than a decade,
0:27:30 > 0:27:34'crucially, all through the early years of her children growing up.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38'She was back to work three months after her first baby.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40'Has that been hard?'
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Society tells us we have to feel guilty about these things
0:27:43 > 0:27:46and actually, my husband has never been asked if he feels guilty
0:27:46 > 0:27:48about having a full-time job.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I've worked really hard.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53You know, I don't want to give that up.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55I'm happier being at work.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00Lorraine has the enviable advantage of plenty of hired help
0:28:00 > 0:28:02and a very modern husband.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Very hot. Be careful.
0:28:04 > 0:28:09There is a full-time nanny and James, who's in IT,
0:28:09 > 0:28:11often works at home.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14- Hello.- Hi.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17'Are the children happy about this set-up?'
0:28:17 > 0:28:18Your mum is fascinating,
0:28:18 > 0:28:22because she has this incredibly high-powered job.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24I do wonder how she does it.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Well, she does often come home, like, tired and things.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30- You know not to annoy her. - Annoy her and ask for things.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32How would you annoy her?
0:28:32 > 0:28:33Well, if you asked for things.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36If you say, "Mum, where is this, where's that? Can I have this?"
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Don't talk to her as soon as she comes in the door.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40- You have to give her ten minutes. - Greet her.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42So you need your radar, don't you?
0:28:42 > 0:28:46Yeah. You need to know when she's not in a good mood.
0:28:46 > 0:28:51Does watching the way Mum works and how successful she is,
0:28:51 > 0:28:54has it shaped what you want to do, you two?
0:28:54 > 0:28:58Yes, yeah, something like fashion, because it's quite inspiring.
0:28:58 > 0:29:02But she just kind of edits fashion and just looks at fashion,
0:29:02 > 0:29:04whereas I want to create it,
0:29:04 > 0:29:07and I do a lot of fashion drawings.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09I kind of want to become a fashion designer.
0:29:10 > 0:29:14Typical teenagers, never knowingly impressed by their parents.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Hello.
0:29:18 > 0:29:19Hello.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24Does Mum not get a kiss when she comes in?
0:29:24 > 0:29:26No, she usually goes straight for Mabel.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30Oh, that's because she gives me a kiss!
0:29:34 > 0:29:37I'm told there's a ten-minute rule when you get in.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40Well, just because you come from work with all this stuff in your
0:29:40 > 0:29:43head and you need to change and be...
0:29:43 > 0:29:46Usually put my pyjamas on and be Mum.
0:29:46 > 0:29:47Who's the boss?
0:29:47 > 0:29:49- Mum.- Mum.- Definitely.
0:29:51 > 0:29:53I was going to say Mum as well, actually, but, you know.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56I'm in awe constantly of the things that she does, and her work,
0:29:56 > 0:29:58and how she manages to fit everything in.
0:29:58 > 0:30:02If we were to take a vote on a working mother
0:30:02 > 0:30:05or one that was at home, which would you prefer?
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Working mum.
0:30:07 > 0:30:09- Grace?- Working, yeah.
0:30:09 > 0:30:10Definitely working.
0:30:12 > 0:30:17Interesting. A Harvard study claims that the daughters of working
0:30:17 > 0:30:20mothers end up with more successful careers
0:30:20 > 0:30:22and are better at relationships.
0:30:22 > 0:30:23Go and get ready.
0:30:23 > 0:30:24Are you a good mother?
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Out of ten, what would you give yourself?
0:30:26 > 0:30:29Oh, I don't know. Some days I'm a ten, some days I'm a two.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32It just depends on the circumstances.
0:30:32 > 0:30:33Is she a good enough mother?
0:30:33 > 0:30:35I think she's a brilliant mother. I think she's fantastic.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38You know, the kids are... You've met them. They are happy.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41But I think, I can't stress enough, it's not easy.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43Everyone's experience is different
0:30:43 > 0:30:46and I really feel for women who don't have as many choices.
0:30:46 > 0:30:49Where is your major guilt as a mother?
0:30:49 > 0:30:50I don't feel that giant guilt,
0:30:50 > 0:30:53because I refuse to feel that giant guilt,
0:30:53 > 0:30:56because I'm living a happy life. They are living a happy life.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58That's the life they know, that's the life we know.
0:30:58 > 0:31:02And we're really lucky that we've managed to do to make that happen.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07I've had a lovely day. Lorraine, thank you very much.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09- OK.- Cheers.- Lovely to meet you.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11'I suppose the question is, Lorraine,
0:31:11 > 0:31:14'with a lucrative job and a highly supportive husband,
0:31:14 > 0:31:17'is she a good example of having it all?'
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Well, yes, up to a point.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23Although, I suspect, secretly, even she, at times,
0:31:23 > 0:31:26can be found paddling fast underwater.
0:31:26 > 0:31:30But for me, it shows you can work full-time
0:31:30 > 0:31:32and still be a good enough mother.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38It's changeover day on the parenting swap.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46Will tiger mum Sherise think Corinne's way of mothering is
0:31:46 > 0:31:49anything like good enough?
0:31:49 > 0:31:53Really intrigued to know what she does so differently.
0:31:53 > 0:31:54The suspense has been killing me.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01Sherise, you're about to find out.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04"Come to the woods, for here is rest."
0:32:04 > 0:32:06She's got the house to herself to pick up clues.
0:32:08 > 0:32:09Walkie-talkies.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13Wow.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16It's all kind of, like, ropes and outdoor things.
0:32:17 > 0:32:22I'm thinking, very kind of one with nature, definitely.
0:32:22 > 0:32:26Unlike Sherise, Corinne has spelled it all out in her handbook.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33"My husband and I are both trained as Forest School leaders and we have
0:32:33 > 0:32:37"based the boys' early years education on this philosophy."
0:32:37 > 0:32:39Forest School. Oh.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41"Countries such as Denmark and Finland,
0:32:41 > 0:32:44"children start their formal education at seven.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46"The children are given lots of opportunity to get on and play
0:32:46 > 0:32:48"without much interference from us."
0:32:50 > 0:32:51OK.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56I do believe that children should start learning very young.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59She's going for a more nature-based approach.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03- Hello.- Hello, Corinne.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05- Hello.- Hello.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08What are we going to do?
0:33:08 > 0:33:09- Go to the woods.- OK.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11We're all ready to go with all this stuff.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13- Did you see all the stuff when you came?- Yes!
0:33:13 > 0:33:15I thought we were going hiking.
0:33:15 > 0:33:16There's walkie-talkies and everything.
0:33:19 > 0:33:23Obie, we're off. No, I've got Obie. Arthur!
0:33:23 > 0:33:25# If you go down in the woods today
0:33:25 > 0:33:28# You're sure of a big surprise
0:33:28 > 0:33:30# If you go down in the woods today... #
0:33:30 > 0:33:36Corinne's five and six-year-old have no formal education whatsoever.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41Every day, instead, the trees call.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45Do you have like any kind of lesson plan,
0:33:45 > 0:33:49or do you just you bring them out and let them kind of...?
0:33:49 > 0:33:54Yeah, we just bring them out and let them get on with it, basically.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58OK. There's no, like, kind of structured set of...?
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Sometimes we come with an activity in mind.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04- Uh-huh.- Quite often, they are not interested.
0:34:05 > 0:34:09And before anyone gets smug about this sort of schooling being
0:34:09 > 0:34:14unhelpful, let me tell you that studies show that daily outdoor play
0:34:14 > 0:34:18promotes physical and emotional wellbeing in kids.
0:34:18 > 0:34:22So how about with reading and stuff?
0:34:22 > 0:34:24Do they do reading?
0:34:24 > 0:34:27- No, we're not doing reading and writing with them yet.- OK.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34Obie, once he's seven, which is October,
0:34:34 > 0:34:36we're going to start a bit more formal...
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Will you start, like, phonics and things like that?
0:34:38 > 0:34:40Not sure, actually.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42I'm not sure. I need to look into it a little bit more.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45- OK.- I haven't thought about it a great deal yet.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49So what made you decide to do it differently with Obie and Wilf?
0:34:49 > 0:34:53I really do like the fact that they get lots of time to play
0:34:53 > 0:34:55and learning through play, and I think sometimes,
0:34:55 > 0:34:59learning through play is misunderstood in teaching terms,
0:34:59 > 0:35:02cos it tends to be, we are setting up this play situation
0:35:02 > 0:35:04that you're going to learn through.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07Whereas, I think, if you leave them to play,
0:35:07 > 0:35:10they learn an awful lot just by exploring themselves,
0:35:10 > 0:35:12their own world around them.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15So I'm guessing, you probably thought we were a bit kind of
0:35:15 > 0:35:18concentration camp-style in our house.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21An hour of learning every day, maths, English, handwriting lessons.
0:35:21 > 0:35:25I just, I just couldn't do it. I'm too disorganised.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28THEY LAUGH
0:35:28 > 0:35:32So, this success for your kids, is that an economic success,
0:35:32 > 0:35:34- do you think?- Not necessarily an economic success,
0:35:34 > 0:35:37- but I just don't want them to be denied opportunities.- OK.
0:35:37 > 0:35:42I'm acutely aware that regardless of what generation I am,
0:35:42 > 0:35:44which is the second generation...
0:35:45 > 0:35:48..my children are always going to be viewed as immigrants.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50- Really, do you think?- Massively.
0:35:50 > 0:35:55And the opportunities for them won't necessarily be there
0:35:55 > 0:36:00unless they are at a certain standard and a certain level.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02- That makes so much sense. - Does that make sense?
0:36:06 > 0:36:09I don't know if I could base their whole early years education on
0:36:09 > 0:36:11just going to the woods every day.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14If my child got to six and couldn't read or write,
0:36:14 > 0:36:16I'd be worried and I'd feel that I'd failed them.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18This way.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35- 'Hi, Mummy.'- Guess what, Zuri?
0:36:35 > 0:36:38Corinne is a Forest School teacher.
0:36:38 > 0:36:39'Is she?'
0:36:39 > 0:36:42Yeah. And her kids don't go to normal school.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45They just do Forest School all the time.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47'And what do they do in the forest?'
0:36:47 > 0:36:48They just play and...
0:36:48 > 0:36:51- 'What?- Can we move to Sheffield?'
0:36:51 > 0:36:53No, we're not moving to Sheffield.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55'No, no. Mum! We love you.'
0:36:55 > 0:37:00Love you. Put Daddy on FaceTime now, please.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02- Hello.- 'What's it like?'
0:37:02 > 0:37:04They home-school their kids,
0:37:04 > 0:37:06but the kind of follow the whole Forest School of approach.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10Just kind of letting kids be kids, kind of being at one with nature.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13'So they are not formally learning the alphabet?'
0:37:13 > 0:37:15I don't think so, no.
0:37:15 > 0:37:16It does start making you think.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19Just like I'm there, thinking, "Are my kids getting out enough?
0:37:19 > 0:37:21"Are they at one with nature enough?"
0:37:21 > 0:37:22So then, I'm thinking,
0:37:22 > 0:37:26"Well, how do we get them at one with nature?"
0:37:26 > 0:37:27GEORGE LAUGHS
0:37:30 > 0:37:34Most new mothers start off not having the foggiest idea
0:37:34 > 0:37:38about babies or indeed, what to do next.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Alas, this has spawned a huge industry.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44There are now more than 35,000 books
0:37:44 > 0:37:48and a million online forums handing out advice.
0:37:48 > 0:37:52But are gurus a hindrance or a help?
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Some breakfast.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58It's 7.50am in Wimbledon and,
0:37:58 > 0:38:01like thousands of parents across the country,
0:38:01 > 0:38:05Christina needs to get her three kids ready and out of the door.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07Are you going to have some Shreddies?
0:38:07 > 0:38:11Maxi- eight, Bella - five and Ellie - two.
0:38:11 > 0:38:12Yummy, yummy.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Their dad is flying around the world as part of his job
0:38:14 > 0:38:18and that leaves Christina flying solo.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21- This is Ann, this is Maxi.- Hi.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24Just how does she go about it?
0:38:24 > 0:38:27What I did was to actually write down every single day
0:38:27 > 0:38:30exactly what the schedule is.
0:38:30 > 0:38:35In the school time, we keep to this really quite rigidly.
0:38:35 > 0:38:41"7.30. Brushing teeth, cleaning toothbrush, lid on the toothbrush,
0:38:41 > 0:38:42"tidy sink, brush hair."
0:38:42 > 0:38:44So we need to be out of the door at 8.50
0:38:44 > 0:38:46and we have to drive off at 8.55.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49And I am really specific at what time they leave.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52We are observing a military operation,
0:38:52 > 0:38:58learned from the Queen of Routine, the childless author Gina Ford.
0:39:00 > 0:39:01These are the Gina Ford ones.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03As you can see, very much used.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07She was my guide when the babies were babies.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10You know, she literally says, "3.30, change the baby's nappy."
0:39:10 > 0:39:12She just gave some instruction.
0:39:12 > 0:39:15I found, when I followed some of those, actually,
0:39:15 > 0:39:16it had some results.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19But we haven't stopped with Gina. Goodness me, no.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22So, everything from raising boys,
0:39:22 > 0:39:26How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk, you know,
0:39:26 > 0:39:27When Your Kids Push Your Buttons.
0:39:27 > 0:39:32'I'm not sure even Waterstones has this many parenting guides!'
0:39:32 > 0:39:34Mindful Parenting.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36"Simple and powerful solutions for raising creative,
0:39:36 > 0:39:38"engaged and happy kids in today's hectic world."
0:39:38 > 0:39:41And your mother didn't have any books to read, did she?
0:39:41 > 0:39:43She did. She had Dr Spock.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45That was the only when they had back then.
0:39:45 > 0:39:46'I remember Dr Spock.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49' His advice, "Don't worry and if you are worried,
0:39:49 > 0:39:52' "take that baby to the doctor." Christina, meanwhile,
0:39:52 > 0:39:57'has cherry-picked parenting methods from all over the shop.'
0:39:57 > 0:40:02So this my pasta pot and, as you can see, it's very much used.
0:40:02 > 0:40:06Why would it be a reward to have dry pasta?
0:40:06 > 0:40:11Very good question. Because when this pasta pot fills up to the top,
0:40:11 > 0:40:15the children can exchange it for either baking time with myself,
0:40:15 > 0:40:20or for an additional 30 minutes television time, or for an outing.
0:40:20 > 0:40:23So, for example, now we're planning an outing to Chessington,
0:40:23 > 0:40:25so the idea behind it is that everybody is really motivated and we
0:40:25 > 0:40:28don't have any meltdowns first thing in the morning
0:40:28 > 0:40:29whilst we go to school.
0:40:29 > 0:40:33It's a bit like how I train my dog, you know.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35This is incentive all the time.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37It's... Yes, absolutely.
0:40:37 > 0:40:42But it's takes about 66 days for a new habit to kick in.
0:40:42 > 0:40:43They are in pyjamas at the moment.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46Yes. So the next thing we are going to do is get them dressed.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Oh, I'm waiting to see.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Cos there will be no dawdling or anything, will there?
0:40:50 > 0:40:52It'll just be that.
0:40:52 > 0:40:55- Well, I don't know. We'll see! - SHE LAUGHS
0:40:55 > 0:40:57Show everybody how you put on your top.
0:40:57 > 0:40:59Can you do it?
0:40:59 > 0:41:01Do you want to take a pyjamas and put it under your pillow,
0:41:01 > 0:41:03make your bed and get a pasta token?
0:41:03 > 0:41:04Don't forget the pyjama.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06And then one, two, three.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08Zoom to the bedroom.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10HE ROARS EXCITEDLY
0:41:11 > 0:41:15'And how consistently effective is this reward system?'
0:41:15 > 0:41:17That's very good.
0:41:17 > 0:41:21'Also, where do you go when the pasta pot doesn't cut the mustard?'
0:41:22 > 0:41:23We don't do punishment.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25Well, Mama tries not to.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27So how would you calm down?
0:41:27 > 0:41:31I'd use a method that my mum made up.
0:41:31 > 0:41:32It's called EBS.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34And what did EBS stand for?
0:41:34 > 0:41:37Emotion, breathe, and solution.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39So you have to
0:41:39 > 0:41:43tell your emotion and then you have to breathe,
0:41:43 > 0:41:47and then you have to try and think of a solution.
0:41:47 > 0:41:48'I hope we're all paying attention.'
0:41:48 > 0:41:51We'll put shoes and jackets on and I'm going to give pasta...
0:41:51 > 0:41:55'To be fair, it's takes just 15 minutes from pyjamas to shoes on.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58'It's hard not to be impressed so far.'
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Look, did everybody eat well at the breakfast table?
0:42:01 > 0:42:05- Yeah.- Yeah! One pasta token each.
0:42:05 > 0:42:06Making beds.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08One pasta token each.
0:42:08 > 0:42:11- But that's for everybody. - That's right, cos you don't want
0:42:11 > 0:42:13them to be in competition with each other.
0:42:13 > 0:42:17So the idea is that we work together as a team to fill up the pot.
0:42:17 > 0:42:22'Obviously, the pasta pot gets in the car with the rest of us.
0:42:22 > 0:42:25'Christina's first stop is Ellie's nursery.'
0:42:25 > 0:42:27Come on, guys. We don't want to be late.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29Come on, Millie.
0:42:29 > 0:42:30'But, oh, joy.
0:42:30 > 0:42:34'I get a taste of what happens when pasta power runs out.'
0:42:34 > 0:42:35What's the matter?
0:42:35 > 0:42:38So what's happening is that Bella's feeling a little bit sad,
0:42:38 > 0:42:41because she feels that Maxi is not her best friend any more.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45What were you feeling?
0:42:45 > 0:42:47- Upset.- You were feeling upset?
0:42:47 > 0:42:50- And what else were you feeling? - Feeling annoyed.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52You're feeling really, really annoyed?
0:42:52 > 0:42:55Do you want to ask Maxi what happened?
0:42:55 > 0:42:59Well, I was kind of telling you off, because whatever you were doing,
0:42:59 > 0:43:03it wasn't very good I didn't want that to be on the TV,
0:43:03 > 0:43:06cos you might be embarrassed or something.
0:43:06 > 0:43:08OK. And is that what upset you?
0:43:08 > 0:43:11OK. Could you have used a different tone of voice?
0:43:11 > 0:43:14It wasn't a mean tone of voice.
0:43:14 > 0:43:18Oh, OK. So, Bella, he was just worried about you.
0:43:18 > 0:43:21What would you like Maxi to do? Do you want to cuddle?
0:43:22 > 0:43:23Oh.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28Are you feeling better? Yeah?
0:43:28 > 0:43:30That wasn't on the schedule, of course.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33No. If I hadn't done that, that might have festered
0:43:33 > 0:43:36so our whole day might have been derailed.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39As opposed to now, it's taken me five minutes.
0:43:39 > 0:43:42It's sorted out. They're friends again and we can continue.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49I'm exhausted and I was only watching.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52Is all that's negotiation necessary?
0:43:52 > 0:43:55Fine, if you are in conflict resolution in Afghanistan,
0:43:55 > 0:43:57but in Wimbledon,
0:43:57 > 0:44:00I'm not sure it wouldn't be easier just to shut a few doors
0:44:00 > 0:44:02and go and pour yourself a stiff drink.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08I'm going to do it the right way.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13They've got better skills with a knife than I have!
0:44:13 > 0:44:15In Sheffield, it's day two
0:44:15 > 0:44:18on the second leg of our parenting swap.
0:44:18 > 0:44:20Do you boys like cooking with Mum?
0:44:20 > 0:44:21- BOTH:- Yes.
0:44:21 > 0:44:24Unconventional Forest School of Corinne
0:44:24 > 0:44:28is making lunch with her boys for tiger mum Sherise.
0:44:28 > 0:44:30A little bit more round here.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33They're going to make very good husbands.
0:44:33 > 0:44:35Yes, practical life-skills are all
0:44:35 > 0:44:38part of Corinne's holistic approach to education.
0:44:38 > 0:44:41I mean, obviously they're doing the home ec side from this age
0:44:41 > 0:44:42but will they get to try
0:44:42 > 0:44:45all the different things they try in secondary school?
0:44:45 > 0:44:50Yeah, I think they will and I think part of our job is exposing them to
0:44:50 > 0:44:51different experiences,
0:44:51 > 0:44:54cos they're never going to know they're interested in something
0:44:54 > 0:44:55unless they're exposed to it.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57- I agree with that. - So going to, you know,
0:44:57 > 0:45:00- museums and art galleries and... - Yeah.
0:45:00 > 0:45:03I'm trying to think, like historical places, you know,
0:45:03 > 0:45:06and then they might find, "Oh, actually, I really love history."
0:45:06 > 0:45:10- OK.- Cos at the moment, they love dinosaurs and they love nature.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12- Yes.- So they know loads about dinosaurs.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15They know loads about animals,
0:45:15 > 0:45:19but there are some other areas that they don't really know anything.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22What do you think about in terms of, you know, later on,
0:45:22 > 0:45:24they won't go into formal education at any point...
0:45:24 > 0:45:27What do you think about when they obviously want to then
0:45:27 > 0:45:30go out on their own and get a job and that?
0:45:30 > 0:45:33Yeah, they'll hopefully want to go to uni.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35It's not out of the question.
0:45:37 > 0:45:41And in preparation for Oxbridge or wherever, today,
0:45:41 > 0:45:44we are visiting an animal farm.
0:45:44 > 0:45:45Chickens!
0:45:49 > 0:45:51- Bye-bye, piggies.- Bye-bye.
0:45:56 > 0:45:59He's got, like, a free-ness around the animals.
0:45:59 > 0:46:00It's lovely to see.
0:46:00 > 0:46:04It's amazing to see. No, it really, really is.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06So would you do anything afterwards, like,
0:46:06 > 0:46:09would you go home and draw pictures of animals and things like that?
0:46:09 > 0:46:10I think so. Yeah,
0:46:10 > 0:46:14we'd draw some pictures maybe, and we'd talk about the animals.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19Sherise's stay is nearly at an end
0:46:19 > 0:46:23and after four days of seeing each other's parenting techniques,
0:46:23 > 0:46:26what have our mothers learnt?
0:46:26 > 0:46:28I loved seeing all the sports and things the kids do
0:46:28 > 0:46:29and how active they are.
0:46:29 > 0:46:32And that made me think, even though mine are active,
0:46:32 > 0:46:34it's more in a climbing trees way.
0:46:34 > 0:46:38So I think it would be interesting for us to look into what sports the
0:46:38 > 0:46:41- boys could do.- OK, that's good. I'm glad to hear that.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43How about you with yours and how we do things?
0:46:43 > 0:46:47We've got a little woods not far from us, a little nature trail and stuff
0:46:47 > 0:46:49and I definitely think that during the holidays now,
0:46:49 > 0:46:52I will pack up the kids and think of Corinne.
0:46:52 > 0:46:54What's you aim for the kids?
0:46:54 > 0:46:57Like, your children when they grow up, what do you want for them?
0:46:57 > 0:47:02I want them just to be confident, self-sufficient, independent,
0:47:02 > 0:47:05young adults that, kind of, you know, are happy.
0:47:05 > 0:47:09What you've described is exactly what would say for our boys.
0:47:09 > 0:47:10Ultimately, we both just want the same thing.
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Yeah, that's what I thought.
0:47:12 > 0:47:13I mean, it's amazing.
0:47:13 > 0:47:15- How you get there... - SHE LAUGHS
0:47:15 > 0:47:18- ..doesn't really... As long as you get there.- Exactly.
0:47:18 > 0:47:19Yeah.
0:47:21 > 0:47:25They both want the best for their children, both have a strong,
0:47:25 > 0:47:27uncompromising way of mothering.
0:47:27 > 0:47:30- Bye-bye.- Can I get a cuddle?
0:47:30 > 0:47:34But what about parenting by the seat of your pants?
0:47:38 > 0:47:40'This is a Bushey in Hertfordshire.
0:47:40 > 0:47:44'I'm meeting a family on their way home from school.'
0:47:44 > 0:47:47- Are you Anne?- I am. Hi, guys.
0:47:47 > 0:47:48Now, I can do this.
0:47:48 > 0:47:50Tiffany. Michaela.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52Timmy.
0:47:52 > 0:47:53Charles. Thomas.
0:47:53 > 0:47:55- Tommy!- Yes.- Got it.
0:47:55 > 0:47:57- What's happening?- Home time.
0:47:57 > 0:48:02'Tommy has been a father on his own for the past five years.
0:48:02 > 0:48:05'He's one of two million single-parent households in the UK.
0:48:07 > 0:48:12'Almost one in ten is headed up now by a single dad.'
0:48:12 > 0:48:14It's a madhouse.
0:48:14 > 0:48:17- Can I come into the madhouse?- Yes.
0:48:17 > 0:48:19I'll see you in about a half-hour.
0:48:23 > 0:48:24CHILDREN CHEERING
0:48:24 > 0:48:29'Managing five children, all under nine, is a hefty enough task
0:48:29 > 0:48:31'for two parents, never mind doing it alone.'
0:48:33 > 0:48:34Did you always want a big family?
0:48:34 > 0:48:37I always wanted 11 kids until I got left with five of my own!
0:48:37 > 0:48:39And five is plenty.
0:48:39 > 0:48:42Are you happy bringing up five children on your own?
0:48:42 > 0:48:44I'm happy, yeah. It's not easy.
0:48:44 > 0:48:46But it's doable.
0:48:46 > 0:48:48What's the biggest challenge?
0:48:48 > 0:48:51Getting them to be quiet when I'm talking to someone
0:48:51 > 0:48:53is quite a challenge.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56'Tommy doesn't have a shelf full of parenting manuals.
0:48:56 > 0:48:58'He's learned on the job.
0:49:00 > 0:49:02'Including his approach to discipline.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04'He says he's tried all kinds of ways.
0:49:04 > 0:49:08'Currently, he is testing a five-step warning system.'
0:49:08 > 0:49:11Michaela was bullying Tim after school.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14- So that'll be step one.- No!- Yes.
0:49:14 > 0:49:17And I've been good.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20And if that's if you're good, you're on "having a good day."
0:49:20 > 0:49:22Is this working well for you, Tommy?
0:49:22 > 0:49:25No. It works at school. It doesn't work at home.
0:49:25 > 0:49:27- So we gave up.- What have you moved on to?
0:49:27 > 0:49:29I'm making the kids write lines.
0:49:29 > 0:49:30First offence was 100 lines.
0:49:30 > 0:49:32Second offence was 200 lines.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34Up to 500 lines.
0:49:34 > 0:49:36That was complained about, so we gave up with that.
0:49:36 > 0:49:37What are you doing now?
0:49:37 > 0:49:40We've tried smacking. I don't like smacking.
0:49:40 > 0:49:42- But sometimes you have to. - Are you back to smacking?- Yeah.
0:49:42 > 0:49:45But if somebody complains that you shouldn't be smacking,
0:49:45 > 0:49:48- what would you say to them? - I don't think it's wrong to smack,
0:49:48 > 0:49:51but there's a difference between a smack and a hit.
0:49:51 > 0:49:53You know, I teach karate.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55You know your own strength.
0:49:55 > 0:49:59Come here. I'm going to smack you, right?
0:49:59 > 0:50:00It's... It's like that.
0:50:00 > 0:50:02So it's just...
0:50:02 > 0:50:04Do it to me.
0:50:04 > 0:50:05See? They like it.
0:50:06 > 0:50:10'It's not yet illegal to smack your children,
0:50:10 > 0:50:12'but the subject is divisive.
0:50:12 > 0:50:16'One government survey suggests our views are about 50-50.'
0:50:18 > 0:50:20- To me.- Right, that's it.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22Break the computer.
0:50:22 > 0:50:25'Impressively, Tommy doesn't believe in easy options,
0:50:25 > 0:50:30'no iPods, phones, or any screen entertainment on tap.'
0:50:30 > 0:50:32So can I sit down here?
0:50:32 > 0:50:35- Yeah, you can sit down.- OK.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38Right. How much television do you watch?
0:50:38 > 0:50:40- Hardly any. - We don't usually watch any.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43- Do you mind that?- No, I don't mind.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46Cos have got loads of stuff upstairs I'm interested in.
0:50:46 > 0:50:48What are you doing upstairs?
0:50:49 > 0:50:53'Tommy doesn't supervise homework or push them academically
0:50:53 > 0:50:57'yet nine-year-old Tiffany and Thomas, a year younger,
0:50:57 > 0:51:00'are the top sets for all subjects.'
0:51:02 > 0:51:03All this is yours?
0:51:03 > 0:51:05Yes, all of this.
0:51:05 > 0:51:07And what's in this box down here?
0:51:07 > 0:51:08They're my school books.
0:51:08 > 0:51:11School books. Can you work with all the noise?
0:51:11 > 0:51:13Not necessarily, no.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15No. That's why we have the door shut.
0:51:15 > 0:51:18- They can't come in until you've done your writing?- No.
0:51:18 > 0:51:21Do you think, when you grow up, you might be a writer?
0:51:21 > 0:51:24Yeah, so I have been published.
0:51:24 > 0:51:25- Have you?- Yes.
0:51:26 > 0:51:29But this was published...
0:51:29 > 0:51:32Poetry. That's the one I wrote.
0:51:32 > 0:51:35Great Britain is the site of the slow-moving London eye.
0:51:35 > 0:51:39Great Britain is the sound of the noisy chiming of Big Ben.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43Great Britain is the smell of sweet grass and green meadows.
0:51:43 > 0:51:47Great Britain is the taste of salty fish and chips.
0:51:47 > 0:51:51Great Britain is the feel of soft sheep's wool.
0:51:51 > 0:51:53Well done! And you were only seven then?
0:51:53 > 0:51:55- Yes.- That's very good.
0:52:02 > 0:52:03Get the table out, please.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06'I'm endlessly surprised by this family.
0:52:06 > 0:52:08'The children play up at times,
0:52:08 > 0:52:11'but all of them also muck in and help out their dad.'
0:52:13 > 0:52:15So you're doing mashed potatoes?
0:52:15 > 0:52:18'And Tommy makes the point of cooking the food from scratch
0:52:18 > 0:52:21'and the family always sits down to eat together.'
0:52:21 > 0:52:23Ever since I've had the kids,
0:52:23 > 0:52:24I think they've been to McDonald's once.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27No, Dad doesn't like it. It's unhealthy.
0:52:27 > 0:52:31'Tommy does agency work that fits around the school run,
0:52:31 > 0:52:34'cleaning or working in school kitchens.
0:52:34 > 0:52:38'His wages plus benefits means the family of six get by
0:52:38 > 0:52:40'on about £300 a week.'
0:52:40 > 0:52:42- Thank you, Dad. - Can we have more mash after?
0:52:42 > 0:52:44If you eat it all.
0:52:44 > 0:52:46Do you do a weekly shop?
0:52:46 > 0:52:48No. Today, I got the sausages from a food bank.
0:52:48 > 0:52:50We go to the food bank every week.
0:52:50 > 0:52:54Most of the stuff we get is on its sell-by date or it's out of date.
0:52:54 > 0:52:57Like, fruit and veg, it's not very nice.
0:52:57 > 0:52:59But the meat joints that we get are lovely.
0:52:59 > 0:53:04It's nice to be able to give them a roast dinner on a Sunday.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08And tell me, are there rules about eating?
0:53:08 > 0:53:09No, as long as they eat it all.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12And what if they don't eat it all?
0:53:12 > 0:53:14- They'll be sitting there until they do.- Really?
0:53:14 > 0:53:17- So every single plate has got to be clean?- Mmm.
0:53:21 > 0:53:23Instead of television,
0:53:23 > 0:53:26Tommy's found his own way of keeping the children amused.
0:53:28 > 0:53:30I thought I'd bring Oliver at first.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32- This is Oliver?- 'Who is this?'
0:53:32 > 0:53:34That's Ann.
0:53:34 > 0:53:35'Hello, Anne!'
0:53:35 > 0:53:37- Hello, Oliver.- 'Is she real?'
0:53:37 > 0:53:38Yes, she is real.
0:53:38 > 0:53:40I'm glad to see you've got red hair like I have.
0:53:40 > 0:53:42'I know. It's lovely.'
0:53:42 > 0:53:45'He longs to set up a business as a party entertainer,
0:53:45 > 0:53:47'but for the moment,
0:53:47 > 0:53:50'it's just something the family enjoy together.'
0:53:50 > 0:53:53ALL SINGING Frere Jacques
0:54:09 > 0:54:13One for luck! You all stink!
0:54:13 > 0:54:14'Charles, come here.'
0:54:17 > 0:54:20'It's bedtime.
0:54:20 > 0:54:24'Brush your teeth, go to bed. Go to sleep.'
0:54:24 > 0:54:27- It's not bedtime.- I think it is.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30I'm enchanted by Tommy's hit-and-miss regime.
0:54:30 > 0:54:34His children are cheerful, noisy, happy and trust me,
0:54:34 > 0:54:37bedtime means bedtime.
0:54:37 > 0:54:39Go to sleep.
0:54:39 > 0:54:42You know, the influence of a mother is thought to be so important.
0:54:42 > 0:54:45Do you feel they're missing out, not having...?
0:54:45 > 0:54:48No, not at all. I always thought it was important to have both
0:54:48 > 0:54:50parents there but they've never mentioned it.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53- They never talk about her.- Do you think there is a difficulty?
0:54:53 > 0:54:57You've got two daughters and they'll reach puberty.
0:54:57 > 0:55:01Well, actually, Tiffany's is at that age where
0:55:01 > 0:55:03it's time to start asking questions.
0:55:03 > 0:55:07I actually, Thomas had already got a book and Tiffany's now got a book.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09And I said to her just the other night, "If you've got any questions,
0:55:09 > 0:55:11"come and talk to me."
0:55:11 > 0:55:13And then, yesterday, we still had Michaela,
0:55:13 > 0:55:16she was just throwing puberty and pregnancy at me.
0:55:16 > 0:55:19I said, "Right, we'll talk about that when the others aren't about."
0:55:19 > 0:55:20Again, you just have to deal with that.
0:55:20 > 0:55:22When the girls do get boyfriends, that's fine,
0:55:22 > 0:55:24bring them around, and when they come in,
0:55:24 > 0:55:26you've got all my karate belts on the wall,
0:55:26 > 0:55:29you've got my photographs and my medals and stuff.
0:55:29 > 0:55:31And they'll think, "I'm not going to mess her about."
0:55:31 > 0:55:33What you want for your children in the future?
0:55:33 > 0:55:35I want them to be happy.
0:55:35 > 0:55:38That's key. I think that's more key than anything else.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41I'd like them to do well but I'd never pressure them.
0:55:41 > 0:55:44I don't push them into anything, cos I'm not a pushy parent.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47They are confident. I think if I was pushing and pushing all the time,
0:55:47 > 0:55:49they wouldn't build their confidence the way they have.
0:55:49 > 0:55:52How would you describe your sort of parenting?
0:55:52 > 0:55:54I run a loose tight ship.
0:55:54 > 0:55:56That doesn't make any sense. But...
0:55:56 > 0:56:00- No, that's a lovely way of putting it.- Yeah, I just...
0:56:00 > 0:56:02I suppose make it up as I go along.
0:56:02 > 0:56:03Are you are good enough father?
0:56:03 > 0:56:05I think so, yeah. Well, they're all still alive.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09- Thank you very much. - All right, thanks, Ann.
0:56:09 > 0:56:10- You take care.- Thank you.
0:56:13 > 0:56:17What I find refreshing about Tommy is that unlike so many others,
0:56:17 > 0:56:20he doesn't treat parenting as a competitive sport.
0:56:21 > 0:56:26Yet his tearaways are bright, engaging, confident,
0:56:26 > 0:56:28they even write poetry.
0:56:28 > 0:56:33What Tommy teaches me is don't fret the small stuff.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36Relax, enjoy, stop striving for perfection.
0:56:38 > 0:56:41Who knew they could be so many different ways to parent?
0:56:41 > 0:56:46Each mum or dad convinced their way is best.
0:56:46 > 0:56:50And impossible for us to judge whose children will turn out to be
0:56:50 > 0:56:52the happiest and most secure.
0:56:54 > 0:56:59What it actually shows is there's probably no right or wrong way.
0:56:59 > 0:57:01Is your best good enough?
0:57:01 > 0:57:03Mine certainly wasn't.
0:57:03 > 0:57:04'Next week...'
0:57:04 > 0:57:05Excuse me.
0:57:05 > 0:57:08'The extraordinary obsession we have with our pets.'
0:57:08 > 0:57:11- What's the point of a cat? - They are a bit sassy, like you!
0:57:11 > 0:57:14'Our bonkers devotion to creatures.'
0:57:14 > 0:57:18I would never settle for any love from anybody that is less than what
0:57:18 > 0:57:20the rabbit gave me.
0:57:20 > 0:57:22Steady, steady, steady.