0:00:02 > 0:00:06Hello, viewers, and welcome to Man Lab Series 2,
0:00:06 > 0:00:12where we continue our quest to equip the modern male with the skills he needs to overcome life's obstacles.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Our workshop is fully equipped.
0:00:15 > 0:00:20Our kitchen is open. Our bar is fully stocked.
0:00:20 > 0:00:26And, most importantly, our sitting area is very, very comfortable indeed.
0:00:26 > 0:00:31Excellent. Right, let's get on with something useful.
0:00:51 > 0:00:58'Man Lab is the crucible of competence, where skills are forged and shoddiness scorned.
0:00:58 > 0:01:04'It is the shining path of enlightenment leading us to the stellar heights of a job well done.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13'Coming up: I'm handcuffed to Oz Clarke and a man from Zambia wants to kill me.
0:01:13 > 0:01:19- 'Yes, it's map reading.'- At first it was a bit of a laugh. Now they're feeling hunted.- Nowhere to hide.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23'We practise the precision craft of woodworking.
0:01:25 > 0:01:31'And descend into the bowels of England in search of the perfect pool table.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- That's well loud!- 'And, finally,
0:01:33 > 0:01:41- 'we solve a centuries-old problem. Remembering the names of girls you meet at parties.'- Fanning.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- Claire Fanny?- Fanning. - It's excruciating.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48'But first a lengthy introduction to a simple question.'
0:01:50 > 0:01:56Here we have a typical in-car portable satellite navigation system
0:01:56 > 0:01:58and it is a marvellous thing.
0:01:58 > 0:02:04It's probably the most liberating piece of popular technology to appear during my lifetime.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Along with the desktop computer and the self-bleeding radiator valve.
0:02:08 > 0:02:16In fact, it's tempting to think that sat nav has rendered the old school printed Ordnance Survey map
0:02:16 > 0:02:19completely redundant. But hang on a minute.
0:02:19 > 0:02:26Sat nav is all very well if all you need to know is, "At the roundabout, take the third exit on the left."
0:02:26 > 0:02:29As if it could somehow be on the right.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33But what if you had to do some proper navigation?
0:02:33 > 0:02:38What if, for example, you'd just escaped from Dartmoor Prison?
0:02:39 > 0:02:46'Dartmoor Prison is horrible. Originally built to house French prisoners in the Napoleonic Wars,
0:02:46 > 0:02:51'it was designed to be even more gruesome than a 19th-century Parisian khazi.
0:02:51 > 0:02:57'Few inmates have ever escaped and those who did found themselves on Dartmoor itself,
0:02:57 > 0:03:01'one of our largest wildernesses. Most had no way of navigating
0:03:01 > 0:03:07'and would wander for days until succumbing to starvation, the cold or the treacherous bogland.
0:03:07 > 0:03:14'This, then, is the sheep-infested canvas against which I, together with TV's Oz Clarke,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17'will stage our very own prison break.'
0:03:20 > 0:03:26Let's make one thing clear. We haven't really escaped from Dartmoor - they won't let us in
0:03:26 > 0:03:32or let us show you how to get out. But from now on this is for real. We're on the run from the prison.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36And all we've got is this map smuggled in inside a cake,
0:03:36 > 0:03:42- and all we've got on it is the prison here... - North.- North is there.
0:03:42 > 0:03:49- Co-ordinates.- We don't know what those mean yet. And a bridge which is slightly south-west.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53- We presume it's where we've got to go.- Knuckles left our swag there.
0:03:53 > 0:04:00We need to work out which direction to go in. We need to know where north is. Do this with your watch.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02If you... I've got to take it off.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Point the hour hand of your watch, which is set at the right time,
0:04:06 > 0:04:14at the sun. It's nice o'clock. But you have to work on GMT and it's summertime, so it's actually eight.
0:04:14 > 0:04:20Point the eight at the sun. If you divide the arc between the hour hand and 12 o'clock in half
0:04:20 > 0:04:26it gives you south - not north - so south is over there, roughly in line with those chimneys.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31- We want to go slightly south-west, so parallel with this wall. Agreed?- Absolutely.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- There are people on our tail, so we need to go.- Get moving.
0:04:38 > 0:04:43'We set out for the bridge like two guests fleeing an S&M party.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47'On the other side of the moor, our accomplice is waiting.
0:04:47 > 0:04:55'In accordance with the rules of prison break films, he's called Knuckles and he's knocked off a Jag.
0:04:58 > 0:05:04'Knuckles has also left us some vital supplies by the bridge marked on the crude cloth map.
0:05:05 > 0:05:10'Moving as one, we make the breathless 850-metre dash,
0:05:10 > 0:05:15'driven by desperation and a topical soundtrack.'
0:05:15 > 0:05:18# Tonight there's going to be a jailbreak... #
0:05:23 > 0:05:25'So far, so good.'
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Got it. Good old Knuckles.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Oh, boots!
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Oh, Knuckles...
0:05:40 > 0:05:46'We now had a decent survival kit - new boots, orienteering compass and, most pressingly,
0:05:46 > 0:05:52- 'bolt cutters.' - Straight off. Let's do it. - Hang on. How do you do this?- You...
0:05:52 > 0:05:57- One of us do one, one the other.- OK. - You need to push.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Ahh.
0:06:03 > 0:06:10'Now we were free to get our heads around the two most important bits - some pork hidden inside a pie
0:06:10 > 0:06:13'and an OS map.'
0:06:13 > 0:06:16So we've escaped from Dartmoor Prison, allegedly,
0:06:16 > 0:06:22using Knuckles' map which he smuggled in with the cake. It led us to the old railway bridge.
0:06:22 > 0:06:28And on the fabric map, as Oz noted earlier, Knuckles has written some co-ordinates.
0:06:28 > 0:06:34They're obviously co-ordinates. West and North. West 54 01, North 67 03.
0:06:34 > 0:06:41And I have an Ordnance Survey map. Ordnance Survey maps are one of the great glories of creation.
0:06:41 > 0:06:47These maps tell you absolutely everything. You only have to look to get a complete picture
0:06:47 > 0:06:54- of the place you are.- Presumably, we'll find that place on the map and that's where Knuckles
0:06:54 > 0:06:58or Nosher or Fingers will be waiting for us in the Jag.
0:06:58 > 0:07:03'Unfortunately, plotting a path to the getaway car is the least of our worries.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07'No imaginary breakout goes unpunished on Dartmoor.
0:07:07 > 0:07:13'A crack team of cross-terrain trackers is unleashed to bring us in - dead or alive.
0:07:13 > 0:07:19'Their leader, Ian "Max" Maxwell, is the world's foremost authority on animal tracking,
0:07:19 > 0:07:26'having tracked his first leopard at the age of eight. He even has his own tracking organisation -
0:07:26 > 0:07:28'codename Shadowhawk.
0:07:28 > 0:07:35'They could conceivably be a match for Clarke and May, so we set about decoding the co-ordinates.'
0:07:36 > 0:07:4154. Obviously, these big co-ordinates go 53, 54, 55.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45So 5401 is 54 and a ten, which is there.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- So slightly to the right of that line.- Yeah. 54 runs down there.
0:07:49 > 0:07:566703 means that it's one-third above 67, towards 68.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01This is the line of 67. That's the line of 54...
0:08:01 > 0:08:05That's where we're meeting them! Look! Knuckles is there!
0:08:05 > 0:08:11- Unless I am wrong, that's the sign of a pub.- It is. Knuckles is in the boozer.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15'What a great incentive for the recently released - a pub.
0:08:15 > 0:08:23'Between us and it, though, is a vast vista of lakes, woods, bogs, marshes and exposed moorland.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26'So it makes sense to plot a proper route.'
0:08:26 > 0:08:31We've plotted a very basic course from here to the edge of the woods.
0:08:31 > 0:08:39That gives us something to head for, but we can get a bearing for it with our orienteering compass.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41It has this rotating housing.
0:08:41 > 0:08:48'If you ever need to escape from Dartmoor, here's a quick guide to using an orienteering compass.
0:09:18 > 0:09:26'If you didn't quite get that, watch it again on iPlayer. We're being hunted and we must be off.'
0:09:26 > 0:09:32This arrow on the base shows you where to go. Somewhere over there, just to the east of Black Tor.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- That's our first target. - Yeah.- Brilliant.
0:09:35 > 0:09:40'Meanwhile, back at the jail, Max has already picked up our scent.'
0:09:40 > 0:09:44I just found some amazing tracks here. This grass is trampled down.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49And that grass is still wet. That's gold dust to us.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53We now know within the last couple of hours someone's been here.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57They're likely to be wearing trainers. Doesn't look like a boot.
0:09:57 > 0:10:04We'll nickname this one and we'll use the nickname on our radios throughout the whole track.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07We'll call that Wavy.
0:10:07 > 0:10:13It comes round like that. This break off here means they stepped off in that direction.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18If they get stuck in the bogs, they'll struggle with this footwear.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20We need to change our boots, James.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25These things we're wearing will come to bits in bogs and things.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30- Also to change our footprints. - We can tell if they get tired.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Just simply the distance between the tracks will close down.
0:10:34 > 0:10:41- They might then replenish with water or drink something or eat something.- Good old Knuckles.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45We know the direction of travel so no point in hanging around.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49I want to get on this guy's backside and track him down.
0:10:51 > 0:10:58'As Oz and I break cover and use our compass, Max also makes use of his surroundings.'
0:10:58 > 0:11:01This is Wavy. Right, let's go.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06'With the trackers in pursuit, a spotter climbs the highest hill.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10'He might just be able to pick out two blokes in romper suits.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15'The chase is on.'
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Is that it, then? You didn't get very far.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25No, sir, of course it isn't.
0:11:25 > 0:11:31We'll be picking the action up later as the miscreants make their way in a south south-westerly direction.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Oh.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Now, the other day we were all sitting around
0:11:37 > 0:11:41when Simmy said, "Does anyone fancy a game of pool?"
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Of course we did because we'd had a few, so we'd be brilliant at it.
0:11:45 > 0:11:51But as we went to rack 'em up, we discovered a problem - we don't have a pool table.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Never mind, though. This is Man Lab so we'll make one.
0:11:58 > 0:12:04The game of pool is descended from billiards, which has been played since at least the 15th century.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Indeed, the game is mentioned in Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12But before we dismiss the idea of Ancient Egyptians racking them up,
0:12:12 > 0:12:17here is unassailable evidence of Ramesses II preparing to break.
0:12:17 > 0:12:23By the 1900s, the modern game of eight-ball pool AKA pocket billiards came into being
0:12:23 > 0:12:26and is now the world's most widely-played cue sport.
0:12:26 > 0:12:32If you've ever played pool, you'll know the vital attributes of a table are that it is perfectly flat
0:12:32 > 0:12:37and perfectly level. So poll tables are substantial, weighty structures.
0:12:37 > 0:12:43They're not feeble occasional tables. They are pool tables all of the time.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Wood is the favoured material, so that is what we will use.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52Here is a piece of our wood, as hewn from the green wood of Olde England.
0:12:52 > 0:12:57We're going to use it like this, largely unchanged, for the legs.
0:12:57 > 0:13:04Let's face it, nature spent maybe up to a century forming for us this perfect wooden component.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Why saw it up into dull old planks?
0:13:09 > 0:13:17Even though we've opted to leave the wood looking as natural as possible, we strip off the bark.
0:13:17 > 0:13:23So we spend a very satisfying afternoon working at the logs with chisels
0:13:23 > 0:13:29until the chestnut is exposed. The real issue with our naturalistic table, though, is yet to come.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Here we are in the Deliveries In area of Man Lab. We have a problem.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37No two pieces of our wood are the same.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42More to the point, no piece we have is straight and square.
0:13:42 > 0:13:48Nature abhors regularity, straightness and squareness. They are conceits of civilisation.
0:13:48 > 0:13:55So the problem we have is that we have to work out where to put the bits of wood
0:13:55 > 0:14:02so that we do come out with something square and true. We've come up with this excellent system.
0:14:02 > 0:14:08We name a nominal north on the floor, which I will do here. We'll call that north.
0:14:09 > 0:14:16'We've selected a unique log for each leg of our table. We mark each one with north and a number.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20'That establishes their position and orientation.
0:14:20 > 0:14:27'Next we mark on the irregular logs the corners of the regular pub pool table that must lie in there.
0:14:27 > 0:14:33'Through geometric cunning, we hope to wrest engineering order from the chaos of nature.'
0:14:33 > 0:14:39If it was a chair, machine-made, on a lathe, you could make thousands and they'd all go together
0:14:39 > 0:14:43because that's mass production, but you can't do that with this.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46This is woodland craft skill.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50'So using this rustic, 4,000rpm, carbine-tipped chop saw,
0:14:50 > 0:14:54'we cut the longitudinal and cross members to the right length.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58'Then we set about chiselling the joints to hold the table together.'
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Here are the joints. Very simple mortise and tenon joints.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06That is the tenon. That is the mortise cut in there.
0:15:06 > 0:15:12They are the same at all four corners. What's unique about each is this shape we're about to cut.
0:15:12 > 0:15:18That is the, ahem, inter-penetration between that piece of wood and that one.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23Once we've got that in place, we can offer up the slate, which we don't have yet.
0:15:23 > 0:15:29That is why Rory is standing here, like a virgin teenager at a wedding reception, ready for me to say,
0:15:29 > 0:15:36- "Rory, it's time to go and get the slate." Rory, it's time to go and get the slate.- OK.- Off you go.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42'So Rory slips in his favourite CD and off he goes.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47'323 miles up the road all the way to the Lake District.
0:15:48 > 0:15:55'This rugged landscape is home to England's last working underground slate mine at Honister Pass.
0:15:57 > 0:16:03'The artisans of Honister have been mining and shaping slate into things like roof tiles and kitchen worktops
0:16:03 > 0:16:06'for the last 300 years.
0:16:06 > 0:16:12'It's Rory's job to journey into the mines and extract the perfect piece for our pool table.
0:16:15 > 0:16:22'Meanwhile, with the final inter-penetration joint cut and assembled...
0:16:25 > 0:16:29'the frame is done. Now we need to make the support for the slate.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33'This will have to be absolutely flat and level.'
0:16:33 > 0:16:39This is the mysterious coming together of the square and true and not square and true.
0:16:39 > 0:16:45This is where we will find out if our great philosophical thinking bears any fruit.
0:16:45 > 0:16:51Or if we're just going to have a very long-lasting bonfire. This is pretty dense stuff.
0:16:51 > 0:16:58'So we set about cutting precise notches in the frame to take the supports.
0:16:58 > 0:17:04'These have to be equidistant above the floor, which is level, so the slate will be, too.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07'Talking of the slate...
0:17:07 > 0:17:11'It's still part of the Lake District, but not for long.
0:17:11 > 0:17:16'Not with Rory Barker, feared slate prospector, ready to go to work.
0:17:16 > 0:17:22'Rory ventures underground, wearing an expression that suggests it's where he just came from.'
0:17:22 > 0:17:30- How is it all rigged up? I see these wires.- We're using a bit of dynamite to take the roof out.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34It's set off electronically. You press a button to send a charge.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39- How loud is it going to be? - Just a little bang, a little pop.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46LOUD EXPLOSION
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- RORY: - BLEEP!
0:17:48 > 0:17:49LAUGHTER
0:17:54 > 0:17:56That was well loud!
0:17:56 > 0:18:02- Why didn't you put your earphones on? - He said not to! He said not to put them on!
0:18:02 > 0:18:04He said I didn't need to!
0:18:05 > 0:18:11'Still, the unwitting victim of the oldest practical joke in mining has done us proud.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15'This chunk of Cumbria is destined to become the soul of our table,
0:18:15 > 0:18:21'just as soon as it's been milled to the dimensions in Rory's notebook.
0:18:25 > 0:18:31'Back at Man Lab, the side rails have been cut and notched to take the clamps for the cushions.'
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Well done. It's only taken you three days.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Very nice.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51'The moment of truth.
0:18:51 > 0:18:57'If Rory's measurements are wrong, it's back to square one for us and the Jobcentre for him.'
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Wow!
0:19:01 > 0:19:08'So with the slate in position, Sim completes the holes for the pockets, hewn out of solid chestnut.
0:19:08 > 0:19:15'Now we can cover our slate in glorious blue baize, taking care to avoid wrinkles.'
0:19:15 > 0:19:18It's gone wrong, but not disastrously.
0:19:18 > 0:19:24'All that remains is to fit the rails and the cushions and I'm ready to take a test shot.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32'Luckily, Simmy has a wire-based solution.'
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Oh, yes!
0:19:46 > 0:19:51Simmy, that is... that's a thing of beauty.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55'What a table this is! We preserved the natural beauty of raw timber,
0:19:55 > 0:19:58'but dignified it with geometry.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01'We've cut a perfect playing surface
0:20:01 > 0:20:07'and sheathed it in that blue baize that the bloke in the haberdashery shop hadn't shifted for years.
0:20:07 > 0:20:14'But the most terrifying job is yet to come - marking it up with an indelible felt tip pen.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18- 'Director Tom loses the toss.' Are you ready?- Yes.
0:20:18 > 0:20:24- Anything you need to say to your family?- No, they'll never speak to me again anyway if it went wrong.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- Right...- Slowly, evenly. Don't panic.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29DRUM ROLL
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Yeah!
0:20:45 > 0:20:49'With the symbolic D filled in, our table is finally finished.'
0:20:49 > 0:20:53And there's the Pot Black music.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55THEME FROM "Pot Black" PLAYS
0:20:58 > 0:21:01'This only took seven days.'
0:21:04 > 0:21:10Now we're going to inaugurate it with a game between me and Sim. I won the toss so I break.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14For the very first time ever on the Man Lab pool table...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Yee-hah!
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Pretty good.
0:21:25 > 0:21:31Meanwhile, there are still two men on the run on Dartmoor.
0:21:31 > 0:21:38'Oz and I are fleeing from Dartmoor Prison, heading for a rendezvous with Knuckles.
0:21:38 > 0:21:44'But between us and him is a wilderness of rough terrain - lakes, woods, bogs and marshes.
0:21:46 > 0:21:52'We've broken our chains and changed our boots, but in hot pursuit are expert man hunters.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56'As we race towards the cover of some distant woods,
0:21:56 > 0:22:01'a spotter is sent to the top of a nearby hill to watch for us.'
0:22:04 > 0:22:10The problem is we're only just out of sight of the Tor over there, where we suspect they're looking.
0:22:10 > 0:22:17There's no way round the problem of having to cover quite a large area of open ground.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22Why don't we apply Naismith's Rule? We've got to cover that ground as fast as possible.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26We need to get round the corner of that hill over to the trees.
0:22:26 > 0:22:33Naismith's Rule says that... These rules(!) ..you can cover three miles in an hour.
0:22:33 > 0:22:38And you have to allow an extra half hour for going up 300 metres.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42So, technically, we're going down, so we can take a little off that.
0:22:42 > 0:22:47And we've got something like two miles and a bit to go.
0:22:47 > 0:22:53I reckon that we should say to ourselves that we will not allow ourselves more than 40 minutes.
0:22:53 > 0:22:58- I'd like to do it in half an hour. - Half an hour to that hill?- Maximum.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04If they look in this direction, they'll see us.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Let's follow the contour.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16We'll make quicker progress following the contour.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20A fundamental rule is follow the contour.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24'Contours are lines of equal elevation above sea level.
0:23:24 > 0:23:30'These decreasing circles represent hills, with each line 10 metres higher than the last.
0:23:30 > 0:23:36'So the closer the circles are, the steeper the hill. Oz and I will use them to zig-zag through the bogs
0:23:36 > 0:23:39'on the lowest path to avoid the spotter.'
0:23:39 > 0:23:44Over here. And then onto the stone again.
0:23:44 > 0:23:49- 'We are, after all, consummate outdoorsmen.'- Then another stone.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53'But Max and his team are just 40 minutes behind and gaining fast.'
0:23:53 > 0:23:59OK. I'm going to lift this up, but basically I can tell this is really fresh.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04It's got a human hair from an arm on top of it.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06There we go.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11They've changed their boots, the sneaky little devils.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15That's what we've been following. And that's Mr Wavy.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20We saw that outside the prison. They've been here a while.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Some water.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28These have been used, haven't they?
0:24:28 > 0:24:34There we go. They've been used once. See that silver in there? That links up.
0:24:36 > 0:24:42I think these guys just got out of their handcuffs. OK, let's go, guys. As quick as we can.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46OK, a track. Good stuff.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50Because they've changed shoes, this links into that boot.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Let's give a nickname. Pineapple Boy?
0:24:55 > 0:25:02The reason we call it Pineapple Boy is because the segments inside that track look like pineapple segments.
0:25:02 > 0:25:08'Back on the moors and trying to stay low, Oz and I suddenly hit a big problem - a road.
0:25:08 > 0:25:15'We're not just exposed to the spotter here. Passing motorists might see sunlight on Oz's head.'
0:25:18 > 0:25:24We're about to cross the road. The trick is to cross it at right angles as quickly as possible.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- Yep.- OK.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Watch it. Sheep!
0:25:45 > 0:25:51Tango One to Tango Two. I've got two people running on the valley floor.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56The Tor's up there. No, this side - here! Here!
0:25:56 > 0:26:02- Yeah, I think we've got 'em. - Down to the left of the second peak. Pretty much where he's standing.
0:26:02 > 0:26:08That's them. OK, what we've got to do now, because we've got an eyeball on them, is move very quickly.
0:26:08 > 0:26:14'So Max and his trackers are striking out from the bridge across the moor.
0:26:14 > 0:26:21'Although Oz and I have a small lead, there's a long way to go and we're completely exposed.'
0:26:21 > 0:26:25We can't even hide against the side of a hill. It's just so obvious,
0:26:25 > 0:26:29a couple of blokes racing across open country like this.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33If they're up on the Tor looking for us, north, south, east, west,
0:26:33 > 0:26:4025% of the time they'll be looking in our direction. So they've got to have seen us.
0:26:40 > 0:26:46We were out in open country for about 10 minutes. They'd have two and a half minutes looking at us
0:26:46 > 0:26:49flailing across that hassocky bog.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53'Thanks to Oz, I'd fully grasped the concept of 25% of something.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57'Anyway, there's some good news up ahead.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02'This symbol on an OS map is a tree. When you get lots of them, you get woods.'
0:27:04 > 0:27:09I think we need to find somewhere to make ourselves look less obvious.
0:27:09 > 0:27:16This aqueduct is really useful. It will show us precisely the way. It's got to go downhill.
0:27:16 > 0:27:23But it also means it's dead easy for them to track. We need to make ourselves less conspicuous.
0:27:23 > 0:27:29- It won't be too bad in the trees. - The worst thing is the boiler suit, but I can't take it off.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33I've only got my boxers and my t-shirt. I'll get arrested.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Not out here, because...
0:27:36 > 0:27:41At 800 yards, you would look like a stick. They wouldn't know what you're wearing.
0:27:41 > 0:27:48It's 500 yards before you can see the colour of clothing. If you want to keep the boiler suit on,
0:27:48 > 0:27:54we could cover ourselves in mud. That will massively improve our ability to blend in.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59'Somehow the wine expert managed to make this sound like a good idea.'
0:27:59 > 0:28:03- You're seriously saying I have to do the top of my head?- I would.
0:28:04 > 0:28:09It'll ruin my moisturiser, lovingly applied this morning.
0:28:13 > 0:28:19'Thus disguised, we were off once more, seamlessly blending in with our environment.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23'You have to get up pretty early to outsmart Mr Wavy and Pineapple Boy.'
0:28:24 > 0:28:28Brilliant! OK, guys. Come in.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29WHISTLES
0:28:31 > 0:28:37That's what we needed. This plant is bent over. It should be like that.
0:28:37 > 0:28:42We've got one, two. So that gives us the direction.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46This is called flagging. Rather like a flag flying in the wind.
0:28:46 > 0:28:52The flag will point in the direction of travel. Absolutely brilliant news.
0:28:52 > 0:28:57It was really hard about an hour ago. We couldn't see anything because of the bog.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01All we needed was one track to tell us they're in this direction.
0:29:01 > 0:29:09Now we've got a feature bridge and all these things, so we'll start running, moving as quickly as we can.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12Let's go, guys. Pick it up.
0:29:12 > 0:29:18'As Max and his team head towards the aqueduct, we enter the woods and finally get out of sight.'
0:29:18 > 0:29:19Aaargh.
0:29:20 > 0:29:24Don't dally. We have a lot of bluebells.
0:29:24 > 0:29:28'The question is - is it all too late?'
0:29:28 > 0:29:30There are tracks all over the place.
0:29:39 > 0:29:43Right, OK. This is just the oldest trick in the book.
0:29:43 > 0:29:48You can see where they've just literally scooped out as much mud as they can.
0:29:48 > 0:29:54Two hands like that, grabbed it, rubbed it around, then put it on to their faces, yeah?
0:29:54 > 0:30:00So I'm going to do exactly the same as them to try and get into their mindset, yeah?
0:30:00 > 0:30:06'He's getting into the mind of Oz Clarke. This is a man who truly knows no fear.'
0:30:06 > 0:30:10Some people put two stripes like that because it looks good,
0:30:10 > 0:30:15but if you go into, for example, ferns where you've got sharp angles,
0:30:15 > 0:30:18you'd wear sharp camouflage as well.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22But equally, if you've got sharp features,
0:30:22 > 0:30:25a very sharp nose or high cheekbones,
0:30:25 > 0:30:30you'd use a stripe coming down to get rid of the high points on your face.
0:30:30 > 0:30:36'With both teams entering the woods, we're reaching the end game in our escape to freedom.'
0:30:36 > 0:30:40They can smell us. They smell pork pie on our breath.
0:30:40 > 0:30:45These guys are escaping from us now. At first, it was a bit of a laugh.
0:30:45 > 0:30:51Now they're feeling like they're hunted and a pack of guys will come down on them really soon.
0:30:51 > 0:30:57And I should think that where they are, at the moment, it's all becoming clear to them.
0:30:57 > 0:31:01- French cheeses. Don't trust French cheese!- Shut up about bloody cheese!
0:31:01 > 0:31:05Time is not on their side and we're going to get them.
0:31:13 > 0:31:17'Yes, it's that part of the show where we respond to the letter
0:31:17 > 0:31:21'that literally poured into the Man Lab only the other day.
0:31:21 > 0:31:25'It might contain the germ of a good idea,
0:31:25 > 0:31:29'which means we don't have to think one up or even pay you.'
0:31:29 > 0:31:30Here we go.
0:31:30 > 0:31:36"May," it says, "please could you show us that clip where you laugh at Charlie's attempt
0:31:36 > 0:31:40"to draw that girl he fancied in the last series of Man Lab?"
0:31:40 > 0:31:42All right, here's the clip.
0:31:42 > 0:31:48'To impress her, Charlie decided to capture Cass's loveliness in a beautiful, hand-drawn portrait.
0:31:48 > 0:31:54'Fortunately, I was on hand to offer a frank appraisal of Charlie's drawing skills.'
0:31:54 > 0:31:57LAUGHTER
0:32:01 > 0:32:03HE CONTINUES LAUGHING
0:32:03 > 0:32:09'Thus passed a happy afternoon in mocking Charlie's attempts to draw the human face.'
0:32:09 > 0:32:13It's really touching and I can't draw. That's why I don't...
0:32:13 > 0:32:15LAUGHTER
0:32:16 > 0:32:19"Then could you show us if you could do it any better?"
0:32:19 > 0:32:21'Bugger!
0:32:21 > 0:32:26'I've always believed, ever since school, that you can either draw or you can't.
0:32:26 > 0:32:32'And I can't. I'll show you what I mean by sketching our sound man Dan.
0:32:32 > 0:32:36'It is, in the words of Claude Monet, "tres difficile".'
0:32:36 > 0:32:40Your nose isn't straight. There's some hair stuff going on there.
0:32:40 > 0:32:44I can't do it. I just don't know how to do it.
0:32:44 > 0:32:49I can't see it. It's just a mass of colour. I don't know how to make it come out in a pencil.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53'But here's a man who reckons drawing can be taught.
0:32:53 > 0:32:58'John Myatt is an art teacher by training, but his talent for mimicking the masters
0:32:58 > 0:33:01'eventually led to a brush with the law.
0:33:01 > 0:33:07'But now he's a reformed man and he's here to teach me the eternal mystery of the human face.'
0:33:09 > 0:33:12JAMES LAUGHS
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Well, we can... We can build on this, James.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18CONTINUES LAUGHING
0:33:18 > 0:33:20Um...
0:33:20 > 0:33:23Is it as bad as Charlie's picture of Cassandra?
0:33:23 > 0:33:25LAUGHTER
0:33:25 > 0:33:30'Accepting that I'm an artless buffoon is a low point in my life,
0:33:30 > 0:33:35'but it quickly passes and John is able to progress to some handy hints.
0:33:35 > 0:33:41'There are basic rules anyone can follow to dispel the impression that you tried drawing with your feet.'
0:33:41 > 0:33:44If we look at the actual shape of Dan's head,
0:33:44 > 0:33:48you can see that in fact it's long and thin, isn't it?
0:33:48 > 0:33:52It's like an egg, but squashed in at the sides.
0:33:52 > 0:33:56What hardly anybody realises is that the eyes are halfway down the skull.
0:33:56 > 0:34:01If we draw a line from top to bottom, somewhere along here you're going to find the eyes.
0:34:01 > 0:34:06And then the bottom half of the face is where it all happens.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10There's the forehead, but halfway down again,
0:34:10 > 0:34:14between the line for the eyes and the line of the chin,
0:34:14 > 0:34:19we can roughly say somewhere there is the root of the nose,
0:34:19 > 0:34:22and then we split that into one, two, three,
0:34:22 > 0:34:26and somewhere along here is the line of the lips,
0:34:26 > 0:34:32and then along this bottom line, we've got the chin. Already you can start to work on a likeness.
0:34:32 > 0:34:37'So basic portraiture is first and foremost about remembering your proportions.
0:34:37 > 0:34:43'A line up from the edge of the nostrils will show you where the inner edge of the eye is.
0:34:43 > 0:34:47'Ears run from the top of the eyebrows to the bottom of the nose and so on,
0:34:47 > 0:34:51'then you move on to reveal the soul of your subject.'
0:34:51 > 0:34:54OK, that's Dan as I drew him earlier on
0:34:54 > 0:34:58before anyone had ever taught me anything about drawing.
0:34:58 > 0:35:04And after about 35 minutes, 40 minutes' tuition, Dan is still no oil painting,
0:35:04 > 0:35:07but he does look like that which I think is better.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10It's the best drawing I've ever done.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13It does actually look a bit like him.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17JAMES LAUGHS
0:35:17 > 0:35:19'This clearly requires practice.
0:35:19 > 0:35:25'Rather than alienate the film crew further, I decide to have a crack at some tourists instead.
0:35:25 > 0:35:30'The mark of my new-found artistry will be if anyone is prepared to pay me for my efforts.'
0:35:30 > 0:35:36The artist Paul Cezanne once said, "With an apple I will astonish Paris."
0:35:36 > 0:35:41And now with my pencil, I will dismay London.
0:35:44 > 0:35:49'My alluring sign and "pay what you think it's worth" policy draws a steady stream of tourists
0:35:49 > 0:35:53'wanting something for the ancestral gallery.'
0:35:53 > 0:36:00- Look at me square on.- OK.- And if you could smile a bit, but try not to show your teeth. I can't do those.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04'I do my best to remember my lessons in proportion,
0:36:04 > 0:36:09'the faces shaped like squashed eggs, the halfway lines for the eyes.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13'But the one thing I wasn't taught was an artist's patter.'
0:36:13 > 0:36:19Try not to smile too much or move. His eyes would be there in a normal human being.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22When I try to draw a woman, I make her look a bit manly.
0:36:22 > 0:36:26You have no real head to talk of which is interesting.
0:36:26 > 0:36:30I might have that roughly... No, you're still too fat.
0:36:30 > 0:36:35- Your haircut is not dissimilar to mine.- Sorry, I don't hear very well.
0:36:35 > 0:36:40'Probably for the best. I began to realise that, like all great artists,
0:36:40 > 0:36:43'I would never be appreciated in my own time.'
0:36:43 > 0:36:48- I look like a smuggler from about 1800!- I look a bit cross.
0:36:48 > 0:36:52'Being on the South Bank doesn't help either.
0:36:52 > 0:36:57'For every couple of normal people, there's someone who looks like this bloke.'
0:36:57 > 0:37:00The head is an egg, but I can't see much of his head.
0:37:00 > 0:37:07At least it prevents me having to do too much of your nose because most of it is hidden, which is good.
0:37:09 > 0:37:15'Three portraits down and thanks to Moodius Maximus, my coffers are not exactly overflowing.'
0:37:15 > 0:37:21A used staple. Do you know what I think? I think the Romans can bugger off.
0:37:21 > 0:37:25B-V-G-G-E-R...off!
0:37:25 > 0:37:30'But just as I was getting ready to call it a day and cut my own ear off,
0:37:30 > 0:37:37'amazingly, I began to improve as the practice of sketching portrait after portrait started to pay off.'
0:37:37 > 0:37:39I quite like it, actually.
0:37:43 > 0:37:46In an odd sort of way.
0:37:46 > 0:37:52'Though I was getting the hang of it, the question remained - would anyone actually pay for my efforts?'
0:37:52 > 0:37:54- Two euros. - LAUGHTER
0:37:56 > 0:37:57Oh!
0:38:00 > 0:38:02Look at that!
0:38:02 > 0:38:05I think it's really good, actually. I do.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07HE LAUGHS
0:38:08 > 0:38:11'Art, they say, is its own reward,
0:38:11 > 0:38:17'but a grand total of £10, two euros and a used staple means I can go to the pub and that's better.'
0:38:17 > 0:38:22Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Art is never finished. It is merely abandoned."
0:38:22 > 0:38:25I think it's an excellent idea.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27Can I have a cheeseburger?
0:38:27 > 0:38:33'So just in case one of your viewers ever writes to you, here are those tips again.
0:38:33 > 0:38:37'The head is roughly a squashed egg shape tapering at the bottom.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40'Draw a line halfway up which is where the eyes will be.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44'They are an eye's width apart, but don't draw the middle eye.
0:38:44 > 0:38:49'Dividing the bottom of the face in half tells us where the end of the nose will be.
0:38:49 > 0:38:54'Dividing the space below that into three tells you where to put the mouth and chin.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57'Add ears, hair, beards and hats to suit.'
0:39:02 > 0:39:08- We were talking in the Man Lab the other day and we all agree. Bob the director...- Tom!
0:39:08 > 0:39:13- Sorry, Tom. And Stan on the camera...- Sean! - Sorry, Sean on the camera.
0:39:13 > 0:39:19..that remembering names is a very difficult skill for a man to master, especially at big events.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22However, there are techniques for dealing with this.
0:39:22 > 0:39:29In the interests of preventing a man looking like a feckless, teenage halfwit, we decided to try them out,
0:39:29 > 0:39:33using one, our very own Rory.
0:39:33 > 0:39:40'And here is a baffled Rory who we've managed to smuggle into the army rugby league charity dinner,
0:39:40 > 0:39:43'the jewel in the military social event calendar.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47'I'm monitoring his every move from the man van.'
0:39:47 > 0:39:53From here, I can see everything that's going on on this screen, a live feed from our main camera.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55There's Rory's face now.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59I can hear everything Rory says through this device.
0:39:59 > 0:40:04By pressing this button, I can advise him through a secret earpiece hidden in his ear.
0:40:04 > 0:40:08You can just see the camera discreetly hidden in his clothing.
0:40:08 > 0:40:13'During the pre-dinner drinks, Rory must circulate as unobtrusively as possible,
0:40:13 > 0:40:19'learning each guest's full name. Later, he will play the role of master of ceremonies,
0:40:19 > 0:40:24'announcing each guest as they present themselves to be seated for dinner.'
0:40:24 > 0:40:27I also have here the names of all the guests,
0:40:27 > 0:40:31plus the added complication, because this is the army, of their ranks
0:40:31 > 0:40:35and I have, on this computer and on various bits of paper,
0:40:35 > 0:40:39details of known techniques for helping to remember people's names.
0:40:39 > 0:40:46In short, though, what we're asking Rory to do here is pretty much impossible.
0:40:46 > 0:40:50Look at his face now. Look at him, he's getting nervous.
0:40:50 > 0:40:54A couple of quick techniques - use the name frequently,
0:40:54 > 0:40:57so find an excuse to say it a number of times.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00The next guys that come in, I'll keep saying their names.
0:41:00 > 0:41:04Don't overdo it or they'll think you're a nutcase.
0:41:04 > 0:41:09'A new crowd of guests has arrived. Time for Rory to try out technique number one.'
0:41:09 > 0:41:14- Hi, I'm Rory.- Hello. Emma. - Nice to meet you, Emma. How are you doing, Emma?- Very well.
0:41:14 > 0:41:20- Good evening. Rory.- Hi, I'm Claire. - Nice to meet you, Claire. Did you get here all right, Claire?- Yes.
0:41:20 > 0:41:26Nice one, Claire. Nice to meet you, Michelle. Lovely drink there, Michelle. Drink it up, Michelle.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29HE LAUGHS
0:41:30 > 0:41:34- How are you doing, Stu?- Not bad. - Having a good night, Stu?
0:41:34 > 0:41:38Lovely. Enjoy yourself, mate. Have a good night, Stu.
0:41:38 > 0:41:42- He thinks you're a...- BLEEP- ..lunatic!
0:41:43 > 0:41:46- What was the first one called? - Her name was Emma.
0:41:46 > 0:41:49- I think.- You're right.- Yes!
0:41:49 > 0:41:54'No-one is quite clear why a village idiot is at their dinner,
0:41:54 > 0:41:58'but they're too polite to mention it. Another technique...'
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Ask, "How do you spell your name?"
0:42:00 > 0:42:07- Roger...?- Dussard.- Dussard. How do you spell "Dussard"? - D-U-S-S-A-R-D.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11- It's French.- French? Oh, zut alors!- Oui.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13Silly sod!
0:42:13 > 0:42:17To help you remember, write it with the tip of your finger,
0:42:17 > 0:42:22but not in the air because that'll make you look really a lunatic!
0:42:22 > 0:42:26- What's your name?- Norman.- Nice to meet you, Norman. I'm Rory.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29- Rory Barker.- Rory Barker...
0:42:29 > 0:42:35You don't need to spell your own name out, but use your full name, so you can get their full name.
0:42:35 > 0:42:41'I'm starting to wonder if Rory might have problems beyond the help of memory techniques,
0:42:41 > 0:42:45'and as the guests flood in, he struggles to keep up.'
0:42:45 > 0:42:49- Andy Kershaw.- Andy Kershaw. - Rich Naivalurua.- Naivalurua.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51- Fanny... Fanning.- Fanning.- Fanning.
0:42:51 > 0:42:54- Claire Fanny?- No, Fanning. Sorry.
0:42:54 > 0:42:58- It's excruciating.- Ben, sorry...? - Ben Hughes.- Ben Hughes.
0:42:58 > 0:43:01So how do I remember his name?
0:43:01 > 0:43:08Do little rhymes. It's Hughes, so you could do the association "huge Hughes" cos he's a big bloke.
0:43:08 > 0:43:10Yes. Yes, big, huge...
0:43:10 > 0:43:13Ben Huge, Ben Hughes.
0:43:13 > 0:43:17Big Hughes, Ben Hughes. This is a nightmare. It's all going wrong.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19God, he looks nervous!
0:43:19 > 0:43:23And you're Katie Eastwick... Katie Garside.
0:43:23 > 0:43:25- Eastwick?!- It was close.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28- Really close(!) - I think she quite likes you, Rory.
0:43:28 > 0:43:32- Yes, she's only human. - Don't say that out loud, you fool!
0:43:32 > 0:43:38- Sorry, I wasn't talking to you then. - What are you talking to? - I was talking to my drink.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40LAUGHTER
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- What do you mean? I'm not... - Get out of that one!
0:43:43 > 0:43:46I'm sorry.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49Talking to his drink!
0:43:49 > 0:43:54I forgot that she could hear me when I spoke to you. Oh, she's looking at me.
0:43:55 > 0:43:57Subtly...
0:44:01 > 0:44:06'Time is running out and so far, Rory has managed to remember a few and terrify many.'
0:44:06 > 0:44:11Rory, just to let you know, I don't want you to panic, but it's three minutes to dinner.
0:44:11 > 0:44:17'With the clock ticking, Rory is suddenly hit by a scrum of late arrivals.'
0:44:17 > 0:44:20- John...?- Hulatt. - I've written it with my finger.
0:44:20 > 0:44:26- Also the rhyming association, it's the army, John Hulatt, "bullet". - Hulatt, "bullet". And Caroline.
0:44:26 > 0:44:31- That's C-A-R-O...- Jeremy Bethel is a Colonel. He is a Colonel!
0:44:31 > 0:44:34Stuart. Stu-art.
0:44:34 > 0:44:37- Is that Ben Johnson? - That is Nobby...
0:44:37 > 0:44:41- Nobby Nocock. Nobby... - It's Nobby Pocock.
0:44:41 > 0:44:44D-U-S-S-A-R-D. Roger Dussard.
0:44:44 > 0:44:49I can't work out if these blokes find Rory incredibly charming
0:44:49 > 0:44:53or the biggest chump they've ever had in their mess room.
0:44:53 > 0:44:56LAUGHTER
0:44:56 > 0:44:58Bring your drinks, please.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00Oh, here we go! Good luck.
0:45:00 > 0:45:03Right, thank you very, very much.
0:45:03 > 0:45:08The format for tonight, in a moment, I'm going to hand over to Rory.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Rory, come to the centre, mate.
0:45:10 > 0:45:14Rory's been going round trying to memorise all your names. Who am I?
0:45:14 > 0:45:16You are Ryan...
0:45:17 > 0:45:20- ..Swindale.- OK, well done. All right, yeah.
0:45:20 > 0:45:26- We can do this, Rory, I think. - I'm going to hand over to Rory and Rory is going to call you through.
0:45:26 > 0:45:30'Time to see what Rain Man Rory can do.'
0:45:32 > 0:45:34Ben Hughes.
0:45:34 > 0:45:38'Ben Hughes, AKA Ben Huge. Word association technique - correct.'
0:45:39 > 0:45:41Emma...
0:45:42 > 0:45:43Emma...
0:45:43 > 0:45:46- Who the hell is Emma?- Po...
0:45:46 > 0:45:48Bo... Bowes... Emma Bowes-Crick.
0:45:49 > 0:45:55Good rescue. 'Emma Bowes-Crick. Repeating the name back to them technique - correct.'
0:45:55 > 0:46:02- Colonel.- Colonel Jeremy Bethel. - Thank you.- 'Only bloke in a white jacket - easy one.'
0:46:04 > 0:46:06Ben Johnson?
0:46:06 > 0:46:10'Writing the name with the finger technique - failed.'
0:46:10 > 0:46:12Ben Hulatt.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Oh, nearly.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17And Julie Hulatt.
0:46:17 > 0:46:21'Word association technique - Hulatt, bullet, correct.'
0:46:21 > 0:46:23Norman...
0:46:24 > 0:46:27Sergeant Major Norman...
0:46:27 > 0:46:30- Come on.- Montford.
0:46:30 > 0:46:34'Writing the name with your finger technique - failed.'
0:46:34 > 0:46:37- Andy Gray. - 'Name repetition - correct.'
0:46:37 > 0:46:39- Ben Johnson. - LAUGHTER
0:46:39 > 0:46:41'He's not Ben Johnson either.'
0:46:41 > 0:46:44Katie Garside.
0:46:44 > 0:46:49'Speaking to a gin and tonic, not a recognised technique, but it'll do.'
0:46:49 > 0:46:53Roger Dussard, D-U-S-S-A-R-D.
0:46:53 > 0:46:57'Clarifying spelling technique - flying colours!'
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Um...
0:47:00 > 0:47:02- Clive...- No.
0:47:02 > 0:47:04- Jeremy...- No.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07- Fred...- No.- Andrew...- No.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10- Ben...- No.- Johnson.
0:47:10 > 0:47:14- LAUGHTER - I'm not sure Ben Johnson's actually here!
0:47:14 > 0:47:16Who's this bloke?
0:47:16 > 0:47:19- Ben Johnson? - CHEERING
0:47:19 > 0:47:21Ben Johnson!
0:47:22 > 0:47:26'With the great Ben Johnson mystery of 2011 solved,
0:47:26 > 0:47:29'Rory slam-dunks the final guests with ease.
0:47:29 > 0:47:35'My score sheet shows that Rory actually managed to remember over half the names
0:47:35 > 0:47:41'of these identically dressed people. Strangely though, he wasn't invited to join them.'
0:47:41 > 0:47:45On reflection, perhaps society would be better served
0:47:45 > 0:47:50if we could all just acknowledge that we can't remember each other's names,
0:47:50 > 0:47:53then we won't all look like idiots, just like Roger there.
0:47:53 > 0:47:58Anyway, meanwhile, back on Dartmoor, the net is closing.
0:47:58 > 0:48:05'Oz and I have escaped from prison and are on the run from a crack team of expert trackers
0:48:05 > 0:48:10'with only our orienteering skills and basic camouflage to help us.
0:48:12 > 0:48:18'Our goal - Knuckles, our getaway driver, waiting for us on the other side of miles of tough terrain.
0:48:18 > 0:48:23'We've already made it across the moors from Dartmoor Prison to these woods,
0:48:23 > 0:48:26'but the trackers are closing us down.'
0:48:31 > 0:48:32Right...
0:48:37 > 0:48:39- Right, quick map update.- Yeah.
0:48:39 > 0:48:42We made our point here at the edge of the woods.
0:48:42 > 0:48:48We've walked into them to this curve here on the path, widely used by ramblers and so on.
0:48:48 > 0:48:53There's two schools of thought. One says you should stick to the path
0:48:53 > 0:48:59because you go much quicker, there's nothing unusual about people walking on paths,
0:48:59 > 0:49:03there's already lots of tracks on them, you don't make as much noise.
0:49:03 > 0:49:09The other school of thought says we should go straight through the woods as we're less likely to be seen.
0:49:09 > 0:49:14I say we go through the woods and then hug the northern edge of the reservoir.
0:49:14 > 0:49:21'So that's what we do - disappearing furtively into the undergrowth like two wanted plumbers.
0:49:22 > 0:49:29'But after 20 minutes of struggling through branches and bogs and making precious little progress,
0:49:29 > 0:49:32'Oz has had enough of my bright idea.'
0:49:32 > 0:49:36If we keep on ploughing through there, we're going to take too long.
0:49:36 > 0:49:39'Eventually, we head back to the path.
0:49:39 > 0:49:43'At this rate, Max and his tracker team will be nearly on us.'
0:49:44 > 0:49:48The path of least resistance for trackers is crucial
0:49:48 > 0:49:54because there's no way, if you're in a hurry, you're going to go across this river on my right-hand side
0:49:54 > 0:49:58or break through into all of this greenery here.
0:49:58 > 0:50:01You'll stay on here and move as quickly as possible.
0:50:01 > 0:50:07- Go straight on down here, then we get to the bottom and there's a right turn.- Hang on.
0:50:07 > 0:50:13- Why not cut across there and cut the corner off?- James, let's keep going. - There's nowhere to hide on the path.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15We'll just have to go faster.
0:50:15 > 0:50:19Right, we've found something really suspicious. Come on.
0:50:31 > 0:50:33Right...
0:50:33 > 0:50:39I thought I'd got them. This is somewhere where they could have hidden up, gone to lay up for days.
0:50:39 > 0:50:43This is what the most dangerous criminals in the world will do.
0:50:43 > 0:50:47If you built something like that, there's no way people will find you.
0:50:47 > 0:50:50But no luck this time. Just keep looking.
0:50:50 > 0:50:54'So the shack turns out to have been made not by two TV presenters,
0:50:54 > 0:50:58'but by a common or garden escaped criminal psychopath. Phew!
0:50:58 > 0:51:04'Anyhow, this diversion buys us a few precious seconds as we head to our next landmark.
0:51:04 > 0:51:09'The cartographers among you will have realised that this large area of blue is a reservoir,
0:51:09 > 0:51:14'but in order to get there, we face a fresh challenge - some locals.'
0:51:15 > 0:51:18- WHISPERING: - People, people, people.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Keep still.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33FAINT CONVERSATION
0:51:33 > 0:51:35That was a two-hour walk.
0:51:36 > 0:51:39They're not going to be every weekend.
0:51:39 > 0:51:42'They might look like harmless ramblers,
0:51:42 > 0:51:47'but all it would take is a little torture from Max and they could crack.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49'It's a risk we just can't take.'
0:51:49 > 0:51:53- WHISPERING: - We've got to go. We can't stay.
0:51:53 > 0:51:55'Avoiding the public was tricky.
0:51:55 > 0:52:01'As we came across the second road to cross, our camouflage skills were tested to the limit.'
0:52:01 > 0:52:06- You can be seen a mile off. - There's one old lady by a van. She's on the other side of the van.
0:52:06 > 0:52:09She's not looking. We have to get... Car!
0:52:15 > 0:52:17'My God, he's vanished(!)'
0:52:29 > 0:52:32We've got to go, James. We've got to go.
0:52:38 > 0:52:43'With the road cleared, we were at last on to our final major hurdle -
0:52:43 > 0:52:49'the Burrator Reservoir with just over two miles to go before our rendezvous with Knuckles.'
0:52:51 > 0:52:55The path of least resistance drops straight down to a reservoir.
0:52:55 > 0:53:01When we get down here, just a little bit further on, I want absolutely hand signals only, yeah?
0:53:01 > 0:53:05That's going to be... Unless they can swim, we've got them.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07Yeah?
0:53:07 > 0:53:11'But for once, there's something Max hasn't considered.'
0:53:11 > 0:53:17- This is very interesting because none of this is marked along here. This is marked as "lake".- Yeah.
0:53:17 > 0:53:23Because of global warming and we've got such dry weather at the moment, all of this should be under water.
0:53:23 > 0:53:29Look at this stuff here. This is roots going under the water. You can tell from the kind of vegetation.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31All of this should be under water.
0:53:31 > 0:53:37That means if the water level stays like that, the next time this map's updated, that line will change.
0:53:37 > 0:53:44- But as far as the map's concerned, we're walking in the lake.- And the trackers may not realise that.
0:53:44 > 0:53:49'With Oz and I walking on what Max thinks is water, we make brisk progress along the north shore.
0:53:49 > 0:53:56'But when we attempt to cut up from the lake and through the wood to the road, we nearly get collared.'
0:53:56 > 0:53:58- Down, down. Duck! Stop!- What?
0:53:58 > 0:54:02- It's them. In the field. You see them coming up the road?- Yes.
0:54:02 > 0:54:04Right, down. OK, down.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Down here.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11Come on, down here.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53Oh, sorry. Oh!
0:54:53 > 0:54:57'We may have avoided capture by the skin of our teeth,
0:54:57 > 0:55:02- 'but in the scramble to hide, I've knackered my knee quite badly.'- Are you OK?
0:55:02 > 0:55:07'And as we struggle on to a higher path in an attempt to slip past Max and his henchmen,
0:55:07 > 0:55:10'I'm reduced to a crippled hobble.'
0:55:10 > 0:55:12Keep going.
0:55:12 > 0:55:14- Can you get down here?- Yeah.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18- Under here?- Yeah.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23- Down there. You see that track there?- Yeah.
0:55:23 > 0:55:27- Right round there.- Yeah.- Across there, mostly through woodland.
0:55:27 > 0:55:31- Yeah.- A little bit of open ground, then we're just there.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34- You've just got to dash for it. - 750 metres.
0:55:34 > 0:55:39'But 750 metres might be 750 too far.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42'This is like a bad World War Two movie.'
0:55:42 > 0:55:46We don't know how close they are, but they are close.
0:55:46 > 0:55:50It's so simple from here. Go down this track. It's wooded all the way.
0:55:50 > 0:55:54The helicopter won't see us. They won't see us. We just go down that track.
0:55:54 > 0:55:59Honestly, I reckon 20 minutes and we're there. It'll take 20 minutes.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01I can't do that.
0:56:01 > 0:56:05- It's 20 minutes and we're there. - Oz, I can't do that.
0:56:05 > 0:56:09- I can't...- Knuckles is waiting there. This is the last bit.
0:56:09 > 0:56:13My knee's swollen like a kipper. I'm sorry, it was that bit in the bog.
0:56:13 > 0:56:19I can't run. They're not going to be very far away. They'll just get me as soon as I break cover.
0:56:19 > 0:56:23Hobbling across like an old man. You go.
0:56:23 > 0:56:29- I'm not going to go...- I'll go down there, the wrong way. I'll lie low for a bit. I'll come out at night.
0:56:29 > 0:56:34- They won't find me down there. I can just hide in the bushes. - Do you want a lift up?
0:56:36 > 0:56:40- Agh! I'm sorry. - This is terrible, James.
0:56:44 > 0:56:48I'm not doing this now for television, a hammy acting thing.
0:56:48 > 0:56:52I did put my foot in a hole and twisted my knee quite badly.
0:56:52 > 0:56:56It goes to prove that Dartmoor is a very clever place to build a prison
0:56:56 > 0:57:02because a lot of the people who escaped in the 19th century drowned in bogs, froze to death.
0:57:02 > 0:57:07Quite a few of them went back to the prison and asked to be let back in.
0:57:07 > 0:57:11But the fact remains that with a decent Ordnance Survey map
0:57:11 > 0:57:15and this thing... You can get this from a camping shop for £4 or £5.
0:57:15 > 0:57:17And your eyes and your common sense.
0:57:17 > 0:57:21That will take you right across terrain so inhospitable
0:57:21 > 0:57:25that in the 19th century, they built a prison on it.
0:57:25 > 0:57:27I think we're close.
0:57:28 > 0:57:32- Right, where's the other one? - All right, all right.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34- Where is he?- You won't get him.
0:57:34 > 0:57:36He's got the map.
0:57:38 > 0:57:40# You know it's safer...
0:57:48 > 0:57:50# Breakout! #
0:58:00 > 0:58:06There you have it. Thanks to the good old Ordnance Survey and a few basic map-reading skills,
0:58:06 > 0:58:11a bald man in ill-fitting overalls has got away. What better recommendation is there than that?
0:58:11 > 0:58:17It now remains only for me to say goodbye from here, north 52 degrees, 26 minutes and 23 seconds,
0:58:17 > 0:58:20west zero degrees, 13 minutes and 11 seconds.
0:58:20 > 0:58:22Goodbye.
0:58:22 > 0:58:27SINGING IN HARMONY # Doo-nah, doo-nah, doo-nah-doo
0:58:27 > 0:58:29# Doo-nah, doo-nah, doo-nah
0:58:29 > 0:58:32# Doo-nah, doo-nah, doo-nah-doo
0:58:32 > 0:58:35# Doo-nah, doo-nah, doo-nah
0:58:35 > 0:58:38# Doo-nah, doo-nah, doo-nah-doo
0:58:38 > 0:58:41# Doo-nah, doo-nah, doo-nah
0:58:41 > 0:58:45# Doo-nah, doo-nah, doo-nah-doo-oo
0:58:45 > 0:58:49# Doo-nah, doo-nah
0:58:49 > 0:58:54# Ma-a-a-an La-a-a-ab... #