0:00:02 > 0:00:03Hello and welcome to Man Lab,
0:00:03 > 0:00:06where we strive to release the image of the modern male
0:00:06 > 0:00:09from the concrete jodhpurs of your preconception.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29'Striking out on behalf of optimists everywhere...'
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Two, one, we have lift-off!
0:00:32 > 0:00:35'..we poke Thor with a self-propelled pointy stick
0:00:35 > 0:00:37'in an attempt to capture a lightning bolt.'
0:00:37 > 0:00:41You'll have to get in, cameraman, I'm afraid, or you could get blown to bits.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44'We recruit an army of crime-fighting cats...'
0:00:44 > 0:00:48So any burglar hiding in there would be bang to rights.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51'And we strive for international sporting glory
0:00:51 > 0:00:54'in one of the oldest games in the world.'
0:00:54 > 0:00:58CHEERING
0:01:00 > 0:01:05Bruce Springsteen told us that you can't start a fire without a spark.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07And this has always been true.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10For decades now, we've had little piezoelectric lighters,
0:01:10 > 0:01:12but before that, we had matches.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Before that, we had flints and tinderboxes.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Before that, we had pieces of wood that could be rubbed together.
0:01:17 > 0:01:22But before all of that, way back when the world was young,
0:01:22 > 0:01:26we had the great spark that lit man's first red fire.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30The very thing that Freddie Mercury said was "very, very frightening" -
0:01:30 > 0:01:32lightning.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Since the dawn of time, mankind has cowered in awe
0:01:36 > 0:01:39at the destructive power of a decent thunderstorm.
0:01:39 > 0:01:46The old Norse sagas told of thunder god Thor striking down his quaking enemies with Mjolnir,
0:01:46 > 0:01:48his lightning-emitting war hammer.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52In Greek mythology, Prometheus stole fire from the gods
0:01:52 > 0:01:57for us mortals to use, and in doing so, created the first human skill
0:01:57 > 0:02:00that gave us progress and civilisation.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03We could buy a lighter, but where's the skill in that?
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Much better to steal the spark ourselves
0:02:07 > 0:02:09by capturing a bolt of lightning.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16We're now going to talk about Nikola Tesla, 1856 to 1943,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18one of the great electrical pioneers,
0:02:18 > 0:02:20probably the closest thing we've had
0:02:20 > 0:02:23to a human being who does understand electricity.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26He's been called the father of the electric motor,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28he was a champion of alternating current
0:02:28 > 0:02:30and the widespread distribution of electricity
0:02:30 > 0:02:32on what we now call the National Grid.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Among Tesla's many inventions was this - the Tesla coil.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40It actually belongs to Steve. How does it work, actually?
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Well, all the Tesla coil is is a special kind of transformer.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46And Tesla invented it
0:02:46 > 0:02:50to experiment with wireless power and radio.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Tesla built increasingly larger versions of these coils
0:02:53 > 0:02:57in an attempt to develop the first global wireless power grid.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Inadvertently, he invented a form of man-made lightning,
0:03:00 > 0:03:04which should give us a chance of seeing what we're dealing with.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- The voltage on this is enormous, isn't it?- Yes, about 250,000 volts.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- Can you fire it up?- Yes.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Everybody stand back a safe distance, please.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20- What is a safe distance? - About two metres or so.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Lights off.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30ELECTRICAL BUZZING
0:03:36 > 0:03:40Unless I'm mistaken, one of those lighting bolts earthed on the table.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41- Did you see that?- Yes.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- So that WAS a bolt of lightning? - Indeed.- If we consider that the cloud
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- and that the ground?- Yes.
0:03:47 > 0:03:52'Small boys, including us, will see this as a hi tech electric whoopee cushion.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57'But it also shows us that lightning might be something we can tame.'
0:03:57 > 0:04:00This is a quarter of a million volts,
0:04:00 > 0:04:06a thousand times what you get out of the plug at home - and that hurts, let's be honest.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09'It's a fraction of the power of the real thing.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12'But it's the same stuff.'
0:04:12 > 0:04:15That's spectacular, and our quest, should we succeed,
0:04:15 > 0:04:18is to get that same phenomenon in the real world,
0:04:18 > 0:04:22thousands of feet long, a real lightning bolt hitting the ground,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24captured on the television for you.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26'Stirring words indeed.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30'But the only way to turn this ambitious dream into reality
0:04:30 > 0:04:34'is to use a vehicle with which Man Lab has already chalked up
0:04:34 > 0:04:35'a depressing litany of failure.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40'When we first tried rocketry, back in the innocent days of series one,
0:04:40 > 0:04:44'our technical approach consisted mostly of shouting at them.'
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Rocket!
0:04:45 > 0:04:46- No?- No.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Rocket!
0:04:49 > 0:04:52'And although this tactic did show some eventual promise...
0:04:52 > 0:04:55'our rockets had a nasty habit
0:04:55 > 0:04:58'of zeroing in on us, rather than the sky.'
0:05:01 > 0:05:02CHUCKLING
0:05:02 > 0:05:05'But now we've found a man who insists
0:05:05 > 0:05:07'he can not only launch a rocket,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10'but also capture a lightning bolt and live to tell the tale.'
0:05:10 > 0:05:14This is Charlie Adcock. Regular viewers will remember him
0:05:14 > 0:05:17as the man who cut down the Christmas tree using explosives.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19This was actually his idea,
0:05:19 > 0:05:22and the key to capturing our own bolt of lightning
0:05:22 > 0:05:29is, believe it or not, this 0.15mm diameter stainless steel...
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- What would you call this? Not line, really.- Filament, I guess,
0:05:33 > 0:05:34would be a good word for it.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38We're going to wind around 800 metres of this onto a coil
0:05:38 > 0:05:41which will form part of a rocket
0:05:41 > 0:05:46that we will fire into a thunder cloud, pregnant with electricity,
0:05:46 > 0:05:50and because electricity is essentially lazy and wants to go the easiest route to Earth,
0:05:50 > 0:05:52it should fly down the wire,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56and that way, we will know exactly where it's going to hit the ground.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00This is our transmitter for talking to Thor.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04It all seems pretty straightforward.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07We fire our rocket into a cloud and its trailing wire
0:06:07 > 0:06:11instantly becomes a 2,500ft-long lightning conductor,
0:06:11 > 0:06:13leading into a barrel of sand.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16The only other thing we'll need is one of these -
0:06:16 > 0:06:19a thunder cloud, or anvil cumulonimbus.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22These gigantic stacks of vapour are formed
0:06:22 > 0:06:24by the collision of unstable weather fronts
0:06:24 > 0:06:28and rub themselves into a one-billion-volt static electrical frenzy.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33Our ambition here is not merely to give you an extremely exciting piece of television,
0:06:33 > 0:06:35a lovely image of a lightning bolt,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37but also to record it in the ground,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40because when the lightning bolt reaches Earth,
0:06:40 > 0:06:43the immense heat creates something called a fulgurite,
0:06:43 > 0:06:48which is a sort of glass sculpture if the material it hits is right.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53When the lightning hits our barrel of sand,
0:06:53 > 0:06:56the immense heat will instantly turn it to glass,
0:06:56 > 0:07:00leaving a three-dimensional record of the lightning bolt.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03And this will be our trophy.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07It couldn't really be any simpler.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09It doesn't mean it's going to work, but it should do.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11THEY CHUCKLE
0:07:11 > 0:07:14'To ensure our filament doesn't snag or break during the attempt,
0:07:14 > 0:07:18'we're using a computerised lathe to wind it neatly
0:07:18 > 0:07:20'around the fins of the rocket.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23'But, to be perfectly honest, breaking the wire is the least of my worries.'
0:07:23 > 0:07:28It's a well-worn cliche, but we really should say don't try this at home.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Don't stand on the roof with a long stick and a piece of wire pointing at thunder clouds
0:07:32 > 0:07:35because it's potentially very dangerous. We'll have to stand back.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38There is a significant electrocution hazard.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42'Since he's clearly already received a glancing blow to the head
0:07:42 > 0:07:45from Thor's hammer, Charlie insists on a test launch
0:07:45 > 0:07:47'to practise our safety procedures.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51'Time to confront our rocketry demon.'
0:07:51 > 0:07:55This is the flame pit of our rocket test launch facility.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59This is merely a way of making sure
0:07:59 > 0:08:03that the rocket launch filament trail all works.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04This is not a thundery day.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Those clouds are too high, they're the wrong sort.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09And apart from everything else, this sky-scan device,
0:08:09 > 0:08:14used by people who work up pylons, tall buildings,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17warns of the build-up of electrostatic activity.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20It's on, the range is set to 0-3 miles.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22If there was anything threatening
0:08:22 > 0:08:25within an immediate radius, we'd know about it.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28And there isn't. So, this is a safe launch,
0:08:28 > 0:08:33but we're going to also practise the safety procedures we'll have to use in a real storm
0:08:33 > 0:08:36because obviously we can't stand here next to this long piece of wire
0:08:36 > 0:08:39going "Ha-ha-ha!" while it goes into a thunder cloud.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I and my crew will have to retreat to our safe van.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45'This is a full dress rehearsal,
0:08:45 > 0:08:48'so we're also testing this electric field mill.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51'It tells us when the overhead clouds are fit to burst with static
0:08:51 > 0:08:54'and is outstanding in its field.'
0:08:54 > 0:08:58So this is measuring the electric field in the atmosphere.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00If you can turn it on...
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- you can hear a sort of motor going. - Yeah.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07There's a rotating plate in there, which is alternately
0:09:07 > 0:09:10uncovering and covering up the bottom plate.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14This is measuring the rate at which the charge goes on to that bottom plate, then back off again,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17from which you can estimate the strength of the electric field in the atmosphere.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21'When we launch for real, any reading higher than 1.5
0:09:21 > 0:09:24should indicate a highly-charged atmosphere.'
0:09:24 > 0:09:27This is always a nerve-racking moment,
0:09:27 > 0:09:29the launch of a Man Lab rocket.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33It's never been successful so far in three or even four attempts,
0:09:33 > 0:09:34but anyway, here we go.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37That's the rocket there.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Preparing to launch.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Power on.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Holding down...
0:09:44 > 0:09:46constant red light, armed.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Please let this work.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54OK, everybody, firing in five, four, three,
0:09:54 > 0:09:55two, one,
0:09:55 > 0:09:57we have lift-off!
0:10:04 > 0:10:05It worked!
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Absolutely tremendous!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12You'll have noticed there wasn't a bolt of lightning.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20We can't honestly claim there's anything wrong with that.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22It's all good - rocket works,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25direction works, filament's attached,
0:10:25 > 0:10:27it's attached this end.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29- We just need to do that in a cloud. - I think that's, um...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31as good as it can get, really.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35That's our first successful rocket launch.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36What a fantastic, warm feeling I have.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40It's not just that the sun has finally broken through up there,
0:10:40 > 0:10:42that's broken our rocket duck.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49'Coming up, Thundernerds are go!'
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Drive! Drive!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52'And the chase for lightning is on.'
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Fire!
0:11:08 > 0:11:12A number of viewers have written in to say that Man Lab hasn't exactly
0:11:12 > 0:11:17covered itself in golden glory in the gruelling arena of sport.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Here are a few action replays.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Let's face it, I was rowlocks at boating.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28I was firing blanks in duelling, I got hobbled in the 100-metre sprint,
0:11:28 > 0:11:32pulled a muscle in the pool and I can't even take a penalty.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Ohhh! You mug! Everyone hates you now!
0:11:37 > 0:11:40However, we now think we've found an event in which
0:11:40 > 0:11:44we can compete successfully at an international level.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50The sport I've chosen to finally finish our flow of failure is
0:11:50 > 0:11:52rock-paper-scissors.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56The oldest, simplest game imaginable.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Before people were kicking balls or stumping wickets,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03back when the Greeks were inventing the 100 metres,
0:12:03 > 0:12:07people in BC China were already playing forms of this game.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Although back then there tended to be a lot of draws, as paper
0:12:11 > 0:12:13and scissors had yet to be invented.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17We've decided it's time for me and the team Man Lab to finally claim
0:12:17 > 0:12:23sporting glory at the Team Olympic rock-paper-scissors championship.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Yes, it does exist.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Now, this isn't a joke.
0:12:33 > 0:12:39There is such a thing as UK RPS champion and here is his trophy -
0:12:39 > 0:12:45a very valuable piece of silverware, said to be worth up to 500 pence.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- So, Max, I think we should have a game.- Yeah, absolutely.- Right, OK.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50One, two...
0:12:50 > 0:12:51- One-nil to you.- Yup.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54One, two... Two-nil.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- Three-nil.- Three-nil?!
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Four-nil.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Five-nil.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Six-nil.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07That's amazing!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10'Rock-paper-scissors is surely a game of chance.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13'Unless you're Abu Hamza, you're as likely to win as the next bloke.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15'Or are you?'
0:13:15 > 0:13:19There is obviously more to this game than simply luck.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21We're going to do a bit of analysis.
0:13:21 > 0:13:26We're going to replay mine and Max's game from earlier on
0:13:26 > 0:13:30in slow motion and we're going to join a psychologist who specialises
0:13:30 > 0:13:34in sports people to see if we can find out what makes this game tick.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40'Dr Tim O'Brien is an elite performance psychologist.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44'If anyone can unlock the mysteries of RPS, it's him.'
0:13:44 > 0:13:47There clearly is something happening psychologically.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50There you are - scissors.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54James, you slightly move before you do the scissors,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57giving Max an opportunity to see your hand.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- That means he has to be very quick, doesn't it?- Rock for you?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Yes, it is.- How did you know? - Your hand's very, very tight.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Too tight, and you don't look like you're going to release anything.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Are you aware when you're playing of using a technique?
0:14:10 > 0:14:14I'm watching how your body is, where your hand is
0:14:14 > 0:14:16and what you're going to do.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19It's a very good point because I was watching my own hand, which is
0:14:19 > 0:14:22stupid, cos I know what that's going to do, cos it's in my own brain.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24I should be looking at HIM.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Also, if you notice, when you're losing,
0:14:27 > 0:14:29you lose focus immediately, nodding.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- A little shake of the head there. - Yeah, negative body language.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Max is laughing at you.- Yup.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37It's looking to me like you need
0:14:37 > 0:14:39to develop a technique that works for you
0:14:39 > 0:14:41and then there are the standard techniques
0:14:41 > 0:14:43for all performance sports -
0:14:43 > 0:14:46avoid any distractions, stay focused on winning,
0:14:46 > 0:14:50and also not be affected when it doesn't go well for you.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56'Armed with Max and Tim's invaluable techniques, I get down to work,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59'determined never to suffer sporting humiliation on national
0:14:59 > 0:15:01'television again.'
0:15:01 > 0:15:02One, two, three.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06I won! Did I? I never know when I've won!
0:15:06 > 0:15:10'A day's practice, combined with motivational montage music,
0:15:10 > 0:15:12'sees my technique affected.'
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Aha ha ha!
0:15:16 > 0:15:20By the time match day comes, I've convinced champion Max
0:15:20 > 0:15:24and Dan from the Man Lab to join my all-star Olympic team.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25But due to a slight oversight,
0:15:25 > 0:15:29we will be representing the historic homeland of hand games.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33The reason we are representing China is actually quite simple.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38Another team has already bagged the role of being Great Britain
0:15:38 > 0:15:40and China unfortunately can't be here,
0:15:40 > 0:15:42so we have presumed to be China.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47We've taken advice on this. These are genuine kung fu jackets.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50This legend here actually says "Man Lab" in Mandarin.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53And of course this is part of the psychological battle,
0:15:53 > 0:15:56because anybody who knows anything about rock-paper-scissors
0:15:56 > 0:16:00will know that the Chinese are the masters of it.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02To complete our four-strong Chinese powerhouse,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05I've recruited a man with enormous hands.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09A man who almost guided me to glory on the football pitch.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Take the penalties back there.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14This ain't your friend. Get angry. Get in the zone.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Show me your zone face.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Here is his zone face.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19It shows us that former Liverpool
0:16:19 > 0:16:23and Spurs defender Neil "Razor" Ruddock is in the vicinity of a pub.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25His weapon - intimidation.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Right, what you've got to do is use your aggression and your focus,
0:16:31 > 0:16:35see the other guy, psych him out, hate the ball,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38hate the rock, hate the scissors, hate the paper.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41One, two, three, scissors. One, two, three, rock. One, two, three, paper.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- I'm in! Thanks.- Right.- Thanks, mate.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- How've you been, all right?- Yeah, how are you?- I'm all right, thanks.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50- Lost a bit of weight. - I have lost a bit of weight.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- Aaargh! I touched you! - You touched my Man Lab.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59I don't like to be immodest, especially about sporting
0:16:59 > 0:17:02occasions, cos I don't have a good record, but I am quietly confident.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Look at the opposition.
0:17:04 > 0:17:10They are a lot of already fairly inebriated students and wasters.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I'm feeling very good about the Republic of China's
0:17:13 > 0:17:15chances in this competition.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Despite my bullishness, China finds itself drawn in a tough group, with
0:17:23 > 0:17:28five teams including the reigning world champions, Great Britain.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30We must win the group or finish second
0:17:30 > 0:17:32if we're to progress to the semifinals.
0:17:32 > 0:17:39The rules that we're playing by is - one, two, throw.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43Each match is decided by a series of one-on-one encounters.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46First team to reach four points wins.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47CHEERING
0:17:47 > 0:17:48'With the atmosphere building,
0:17:48 > 0:17:53'I repeat to myself the simple tips that might guide our team to glory.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56'Watch your opponent's hand.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58'Don't signal your throw.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00'Keep your cool when it's going wrong
0:18:00 > 0:18:03'and remember, there's no "me" in "team".'
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Tonight, you've never been more ready.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08- We compete.- Yes.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09- We perform.- Yeah.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- Are you ready? I'm ready!- Brilliant. MAN LAB!
0:18:12 > 0:18:13ALL: MAN LAB!
0:18:13 > 0:18:16'Here we go.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19'Up steps the Kentish Confucius, Razor Rudduck.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23'The first team in our way, Lichtenstein.'
0:18:25 > 0:18:26MAN LAB TEAM CHEER
0:18:34 > 0:18:37'A strangely nervous Razor squanders the opening point.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43'But ice-cool Max steps up to level the scores one-all.'
0:18:43 > 0:18:45China, come on!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47'Dan from the Man Lab throws it away.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53'Next up, me.'
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Yeah!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02'I bloody won! The unexpected belief
0:19:02 > 0:19:04'that we might have finally found a sport
0:19:04 > 0:19:09'I can actually do buoys up the team and we slam down two more victories...'
0:19:09 > 0:19:11CHEERING
0:19:11 > 0:19:14'..winning our first match 4-3.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16'We're now at the top of our league table,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19'but our next match is the big one -
0:19:19 > 0:19:20'champions Great Britain.'
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Well done every one of you. Everyone contributed. What did you think?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27How do I deal with me nerves? That's nervous stuff in there.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I let the pressure get to me a bit.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31I was watching my own hand, not the other guy's.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33I was a bit lucky, I have to admit.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Right, the next team is GB.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38So we get ready, we carry on believing in the team,
0:19:38 > 0:19:39we do it together.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Come on, let's show them who's the boss!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45'But our second game starts with Team China in disarray.'
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Razor! He's at the bar!
0:19:50 > 0:19:53'Razor's attempt at calming his nerves costs us
0:19:53 > 0:19:55'dearly with a crushing defeat.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58'And Max is quickly disposed of.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02'Even a feisty comeback by Welsh Dan is cancelled out
0:20:02 > 0:20:04'as I completely stuff it up.'
0:20:04 > 0:20:06What's the score?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09'We are match point down to the world champions.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13'Our rock paper scissors hands are of clay but cometh the moment...'
0:20:15 > 0:20:17YES!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19YES!
0:20:19 > 0:20:21YES!
0:20:21 > 0:20:24RAZOR SHOUTS
0:20:24 > 0:20:28'But victory is short-lived as just a few moments later,
0:20:28 > 0:20:31'a poor choice of paper hands the match to the champions.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35'A sobering defeat and Razor's erratic behaviour
0:20:35 > 0:20:38is starting to worry coach Tim.'
0:20:38 > 0:20:40OK, guys. We've won one, we've lost one.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42There's a few things we need to do.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45- Razor, you can't pick up a yellow card.- I know, I lost it. I lost it.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46But I want, I want to win.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51'But Razor's resolution proved as shallow as the dregs of my pint
0:20:51 > 0:20:54'as within moments, he loses the plot entirely.'
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Ready?
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Whoa! Whoa! What's this? What's this?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01CHEERING No, no, no!
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Behave!
0:21:05 > 0:21:08'We picked Razor because he's big and frightening
0:21:08 > 0:21:12'but beer has blunted his competitive edge.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14'We go on to lose to Vatican City
0:21:14 > 0:21:19'and we get off to a terrible start against Lapland B.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21'Facing an early exit from the competition,
0:21:21 > 0:21:25'a chastened Razor grabs the game by the scruff of its neck.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29'Yellow card forgiven, we are finally back in full flow.'
0:21:29 > 0:21:32CHEERING
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- Who's next? ME?- We won.- We won! - We won!- You're worse than me!
0:21:35 > 0:21:38'It's a crucial victory.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40'We are now at two wins, two defeats.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42'The whole of my plight to claw back some semblance
0:21:42 > 0:21:48'of sporting credibility rests on this next match.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51'To stand any chance of making it through our league,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- 'we must tackle the might of Indonesia.'- Yes!
0:21:56 > 0:22:00'But our old foe, nervousness, is lurking ever near.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05'It's Razor's final warning.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11'And I've got my own problems.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15- 'Try as I might, I just can't throw a winning hand.'- One, two, three.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19One, two, three. One, two, three.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21One, two, three.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24'Then I remember, stop thinking what I'm going to throw
0:22:24 > 0:22:28'and think what my opponent is going to throw.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31- CHEERING - 'It works!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37'The match remains on a knife edge. The result could go either way.
0:22:37 > 0:22:43'It's all down to the 2011 UK champion to get us over the line.'
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- One, two, three. One, two, three. - CHEERING
0:22:49 > 0:22:52In case you can't follow this, and we certainly can't,
0:22:52 > 0:22:54there are two leagues going on.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56One on this table, one on that table.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59They are now working out which teams from the two leagues
0:22:59 > 0:23:00go into the knockout.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03We're waiting to find out if we're in the championship.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07And it's genuinely tense and if they put this on in the Olympic arena
0:23:07 > 0:23:10with close-up cameras and genuine international teams,
0:23:10 > 0:23:11absolutely fantastic!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Gripping!
0:23:13 > 0:23:18'Decision time. I've done everything I can. I've trained with the best.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20'I've used psychology.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23'I've picked the easiest sport I could possibly find
0:23:23 > 0:23:27'and I've turned up to the tournament with a bloody great big camera crew and a gorilla.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30'We must succeed.'
0:23:30 > 0:23:32OK.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36The four teams who have made it through...
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- ..are Lapland A... - CHEERING
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- Great Britain... - CHEERING
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- San Marino... - CHEERING
0:23:55 > 0:23:57And the last team is...
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- Vatican City! - CHEERING
0:24:07 > 0:24:11- 'Oh, no. It's happened again.' - PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
0:24:18 > 0:24:20James, James.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Chin up, James. Chin up, chin up.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26- I'm crap, aren't I? That's the problem.- We won three, we lost two.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30I've been terrible at sport since I was a foetus.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Football, no. Cricket, no. Tennis, no.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Athletics, no. Throwing the javelin, no.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Swimming, no. Cycling, not really.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42I thought I could be good at going like that but I'm still crap.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48'We finished third in our group, edged out by Great Britain
0:24:48 > 0:24:49'and a bunch of pontiffs.
0:24:49 > 0:24:54'The slim margin of defeat hits me harder than any of my previous abject failures.'
0:24:54 > 0:24:58I'll be honest, at this point, the one thing we can take
0:24:58 > 0:25:02away from this, I think, if we want to be positive, rock-paper-scissors.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06It's thousands of years old. Simple to learn, takes 10 seconds.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Everybody can play it. It's multicultural.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11It's multilingual and it can be used to sort out any debate.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15So, who's paying the bar tab?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Aargh!
0:25:18 > 0:25:21'In case there are any avid RPS followers watching
0:25:21 > 0:25:24'and you missed this year's newsletter,
0:25:24 > 0:25:29'Lapland A went on to win the tournament while we championed the sport of beer drinking.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32'The remainder of the night is remembered as a grey fog.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34'All I know is I woke up the next morning in a hedge,
0:25:34 > 0:25:36'but that gave me an idea.'
0:25:36 > 0:25:39This is a typical small,
0:25:39 > 0:25:42semi-rural road somewhere in the middle of England.
0:25:42 > 0:25:47The hedgerow bursts with small wildlife, the houses are neat,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50the breeze rustles the well-tended gardens.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54There is a sense of community. Cheese and wine. all the rest of it.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57There is, though, a small problem.
0:25:57 > 0:26:02A recent rise in antisocial behaviour, petty theft and burglary.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Something has to be done.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07'In days gone by, the great British public
0:26:07 > 0:26:09'could rest easy in the knowledge that between them
0:26:09 > 0:26:12'and the seedy criminal underworld stood the bobby on the beat,
0:26:12 > 0:26:16'who could conquer any machine gun-toting criminal
0:26:16 > 0:26:18'with the power of his enormous helmet.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21'But with the modern police force stretched thinner than ever,
0:26:21 > 0:26:25'where do we now turn to protect our homesteads?'
0:26:25 > 0:26:28The locals have done exactly what you would expect.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30They have established a Neighbourhood Watch scheme
0:26:30 > 0:26:34but the problem with Neighbourhood Watch is it is a little bit boring.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38If you're on duty, it's like being the designated driver on a stag night.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41You can't have a drink, you have to patrol the streets,
0:26:41 > 0:26:43look out of the window and so on.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47We believe that we have overlooked a vital,
0:26:47 > 0:26:49underused community resource.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54'This resource has a top speed of 30 miles an hour.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57'At night, it can see six times better than a human.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59'It carries piercing weaponry
0:26:59 > 0:27:02'and has an operational duration of nine lives.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06'We are going to turn a local neighbourhood of cats
0:27:06 > 0:27:10'into a surveillance-equipped, omnipresent long arm of the claw.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14A lightning-fast crack feline Neighbourhood Watch.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16# Look what the cat dragged in. #
0:27:19 > 0:27:22'All we needed was some modified collars,
0:27:22 > 0:27:24'each containing a top-of-the-line miniature camera
0:27:24 > 0:27:27'and the Agatha Kitties of whodunnit were ready.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29'But were they willing?'
0:27:29 > 0:27:34Here we see Ozzy the cat being rigged for his shift by Jane, his owner.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38Before anybody writes in, we have consulted the BBC Wildlife Department,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40who put cameras on all sorts of animals,
0:27:40 > 0:27:44and the Blue Cross about how to do this so the cat isn't distressed.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47We only put them on cats that like having them on.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49If they don't like it, we don't do it.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52The camera will fall off if the cat gets stuck anywhere
0:27:52 > 0:27:55so it doesn't trap it down a drain pipe or something like that.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59The great thing about this is the cat is perfect for this role.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Cats are agile, they are indiscriminate, they approach people,
0:28:03 > 0:28:06they can see in the dark, they go out at night.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10They are the Sherlock Holmes of domestic pets.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Right, Ozzy.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Go and catch burglars!
0:28:16 > 0:28:19- Go!- Ozzy, come on.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23- Go!- Come on.- Come on. Come on, Ozzy.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Come and catch burglars.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29You can have some prawns.
0:28:29 > 0:28:30A piece of smoked salmon.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36- Come on.- Off you go. Yeah!
0:28:37 > 0:28:39'As Ozzy starts his first beat,
0:28:39 > 0:28:42'joining him are three other cat coppers,
0:28:42 > 0:28:45'all fitted with our surveillance cameras.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49'As they disperse into the neighbourhood on their natural territorial paths,
0:28:49 > 0:28:52'you can see from the Man Lab helicopter
0:28:52 > 0:28:55'how a whole swathe of the village can be simultaneously
0:28:55 > 0:28:59'under the protection of our Cat's Eye system.'
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Over here is the headquarters of the FBI,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04the Feline Bureau of Investigation,
0:29:04 > 0:29:07and the live feeds from our cats show, actually,
0:29:07 > 0:29:13that they have a very comprehensive view of the local neighbourhood.
0:29:16 > 0:29:17This one is Lilly.
0:29:17 > 0:29:21Lilly is making her way through the back garden of one of the houses.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Any burglar trying to force a window would be spotted.
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Here we have a cat on top of the wall.
0:29:30 > 0:29:33Cats getting into places where your typical Neighbourhood Watch officer
0:29:33 > 0:29:36wouldn't actually be able to go.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40This one has been looking at this bit of undergrowth
0:29:40 > 0:29:42for a good 20 minutes now,
0:29:42 > 0:29:45so any elfin burglar hiding their would be bang to rights.
0:29:46 > 0:29:50You couldn't do this as the Neighbourhood Watch officer.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52You couldn't have four eyeballs in four different places
0:29:52 > 0:29:55along this road, in the gardens and adjoining fields.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58It wouldn't be possible. You'd need four people.
0:29:58 > 0:30:00Four cats do the job extremely well
0:30:00 > 0:30:05and all they need in return is some food and maybe a little scratch behind the ear.
0:30:08 > 0:30:12Of course, most of the time, there will be nothing to see.
0:30:12 > 0:30:15You might think there's a lot of wasted effort here.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18But burglars, petty thieves could be anywhere. They hide.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22They are sneaky but they are not as sneaky as cats.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25'With that in mind, we decide to try the system out.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28'We distract the cats from things like doing the crossword
0:30:28 > 0:30:32'while I transform myself into the character of James May-riarty...
0:30:32 > 0:30:34'villain.'
0:30:35 > 0:30:38The astute viewer will have noticed a change of T-shirt.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41That's because we are now going to test the system
0:30:41 > 0:30:46because I am going to go and pretend to burgle one of the houses in the neighbourhood.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50Dan here will be monitoring the material,
0:30:50 > 0:30:53the evidence coming back from our cat patrols
0:30:53 > 0:30:56and will be assembling anything incriminating
0:30:56 > 0:30:58for me to see when I get back.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Obviously, I am dressing like this,
0:31:00 > 0:31:04like a character from a comic in the 1930s, so that people realise
0:31:04 > 0:31:08I'm not a real burglar and they don't come out and beat me to death with pickaxe handles,
0:31:08 > 0:31:10or whatever they do in the countryside.
0:31:10 > 0:31:14I'm ready to go. Where is my swag bag? Happy?
0:31:14 > 0:31:16Good luck, sir.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Go get me, cats.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24'To make this a genuinely accurate and impartial test,
0:31:24 > 0:31:26'we've switched off our main camera entirely,
0:31:26 > 0:31:30'as well as our helicopter tracking system for the cats.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33'I haven't told anyone which house I'm going to try and get into
0:31:33 > 0:31:38'so it's entirely down to our cat Neighbourhood Watch to spot me.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40# Well I'm hiding, police on my back
0:31:40 > 0:31:43# There was a shooting, police on my back
0:31:43 > 0:31:46# And the victim, well, he won't come back
0:31:46 > 0:31:52# I've been running Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
0:31:52 > 0:31:58# Running Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday... #
0:32:00 > 0:32:05- Right. Did you get me?- I don't... I think the cats got you.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07I saw one cat. Under a bench.
0:32:07 > 0:32:11And it ran off pretty quickly and I wasn't sure if it was one of ours.
0:32:11 > 0:32:15- It was too quick to see if it had a camera on.- Some fish.- Right.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18- Cat by the fishpond. - That one is cleaning himself.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21Oh, I'm not sure if we can show that.
0:32:21 > 0:32:25- Oh, there! That is my feet. - Oh, there we are.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27SIREN SOUNDS
0:32:27 > 0:32:30That's the car on the drive of the house that I burgled.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33- I stopped and tried the door.- Oh! - Ah!
0:32:33 > 0:32:36Hang on, that's the one under the bench.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38SIREN SOUNDS
0:32:38 > 0:32:42That's very obviously a burglar from the Beano.
0:32:46 > 0:32:48- It's ironic that a cat burglar was stopped...- By a cat!
0:32:50 > 0:32:52'I've just had my collar pawed.'
0:32:52 > 0:32:55He gets me again, going to the window.
0:32:55 > 0:32:58'I think I'm nicked, me old China.'
0:32:58 > 0:33:01- That's not bad, is it? - You were outwitted by a cat, James.
0:33:01 > 0:33:04And that would stand up in court as well as any CCTV footage,
0:33:04 > 0:33:07anything like that. That is what it is, isn't it, really?
0:33:07 > 0:33:09- Cat cam footage.- Cat cam.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15'There are currently eight million domestic house cats in the UK.
0:33:15 > 0:33:19'That's enough to revolutionise community policing overnight.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22'Now to put my own misdemeanours before the rozzers.'
0:33:22 > 0:33:25- Right, is that downloaded on to the little flashcard?- It certainly is.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27- I'll leave you to it.- Top man.
0:33:27 > 0:33:35And now we shall make use of another much-maligned and underutilised British urban animal.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39'The nearest police station is five miles away.
0:33:39 > 0:33:43'With a top speed of 58mph, it's time to launch Lieutenant Pigeon.'
0:33:45 > 0:33:50This little fellow is actually a police homing pigeon
0:33:50 > 0:33:55and is trained to go straight to the cop shop with the evidence.
0:33:55 > 0:33:57Sorry about that, mate.
0:34:00 > 0:34:01Off you go.
0:34:07 > 0:34:12Just think of all the money that has been spent on CCTV,
0:34:12 > 0:34:17patrol cars, there's this arguments about policemen on the beat, it's all nonsense, really.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19The whole job can be done by a cat and a pigeon.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23If your cat's rather lazy, why not write to us?
0:34:26 > 0:34:30Remember to mark your subject line "mine would like to be Purr-gerac".
0:34:36 > 0:34:39Now, every man knows that any condition in the world
0:34:39 > 0:34:42can be sorted out with carbolic soap and a wire brush.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45But what about Simmy's hands?
0:34:45 > 0:34:49Here's a brief flashback to him eating a pizza earlier in the series.
0:35:02 > 0:35:06Clearly, Simmy needs some soap and a wire brush.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08Now, we already have a wire brush here in the Man Lab
0:35:08 > 0:35:12and we could, of course, go round to the shops and buy some soap,
0:35:12 > 0:35:14but where's the skill in that?
0:35:14 > 0:35:16# He ain't gonna wash
0:35:16 > 0:35:18# He ain't gonna wash
0:35:18 > 0:35:21# He ain't gonna wash for a week. #
0:35:21 > 0:35:22Right, making your own soap.
0:35:22 > 0:35:27You need some beef fat, which has been dissolved with water
0:35:27 > 0:35:30and set in the fridge overnight. That's what this is here.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33You need the lye, which is caustic soda,
0:35:33 > 0:35:37which you mix with distilled water. We need a mould.
0:35:37 > 0:35:40We need some scales, we need some salt and you need a chemist.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43- We've got one - he's called Bob. Hello, Bob.- Hello.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46'The kind of soap we're going to be making is old-fashioned
0:35:46 > 0:35:49'coal tar soap, but you'll have noticed that our thrilling
0:35:49 > 0:35:52'table of ingredients doesn't include any coal.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54'Someone from the Man Lab has to venture
0:35:54 > 0:35:57'deep into the bowels of the earth to dig some out for us.'
0:35:57 > 0:35:59# Boom, boom, boom, boom... #
0:35:59 > 0:36:01Rory volunteered, following a vote,
0:36:01 > 0:36:04and was immediately dispatched with his favourite club megamix
0:36:04 > 0:36:09150 miles away to the Big Pit coal mine in Blaenavon, Wales.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13As well as being a somewhat unlikely ingredient in our soap,
0:36:13 > 0:36:16coal was once the industrial lifeblood of the nation,
0:36:16 > 0:36:19the fuel that fired Britain's might.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22Mines like this would have hauled up crate loads of the stuff all over
0:36:22 > 0:36:27South Wales, until this lady decided the whole thing was pointless.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Coal, that is, not Wales.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31# But I want nothing this society's got
0:36:31 > 0:36:33# I'm going underground
0:36:33 > 0:36:34# Going underground...#
0:36:34 > 0:36:38- You come down here every day, Ian? - Every day, I'm afraid, yeah.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41I'm what we call a fireman or deputy, so I come underground
0:36:41 > 0:36:44first thing in the morning and I check for gas and safety everywhere.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47We're going down 90 metres now. It's quite shallow for a mine.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51What I've found, the deeper the mines, the more gassy they become.
0:36:51 > 0:36:52So this is a good mine.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55Gassy? I become a bit gassy as well sometimes, Ian, I tell you.
0:36:55 > 0:37:01Ian clearly despaired of the circumstances that made
0:37:01 > 0:37:05the legacy of his and his forebears' work this feckless teenager.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10This is a world that was once inhabited by real men,
0:37:10 > 0:37:12men stout of heart
0:37:12 > 0:37:16and strong of arm who chiselled away in the blackness so that Britain
0:37:16 > 0:37:21could resonate to the beat of her awesome industry, power and speed.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24Nowadays, these tunnels are frequented
0:37:24 > 0:37:26by rather different blokes.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28# Yo, VIP
0:37:28 > 0:37:30# Let's kick it
0:37:30 > 0:37:31# Pressure... #
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Ian said that this just happened to be Jedward's favourite
0:37:33 > 0:37:36Welsh mine, but it seemed more likely that we had in fact
0:37:36 > 0:37:39found the black pit that spawned them.
0:37:39 > 0:37:42Sensing a plot, we told Rory to get chipping
0:37:42 > 0:37:46and to get out before they came back and gave him a job.
0:37:46 > 0:37:48That'll have to be enough.
0:37:48 > 0:37:51'Coal mined and devastated at missing his chance to meet
0:37:51 > 0:37:54'one of his mixtape heroes, Rory heads back to the lab,
0:37:54 > 0:37:58'where we'd been waiting around the chemistry table for two days.'
0:37:58 > 0:37:59Come in!
0:38:02 > 0:38:04Thank you. Well done.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10Go and have a shower. No, you can't. We haven't got any soap.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12Go and have a seat.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15We'll come back to you in a minute.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17The first and most important thing we do,
0:38:17 > 0:38:19I think, is extract coal tar from coal.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21Blimey. Whoa.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23Lovely.
0:38:25 > 0:38:26'I'm quite excited about this,
0:38:26 > 0:38:29'but considering this is the Man Lab, it's about time
0:38:29 > 0:38:32'we got some bubbling test tubes in here and did some chemistry.'
0:38:32 > 0:38:35Do we get to light something now and blow it up?
0:38:35 > 0:38:37Why do you always think chemists blow things up?
0:38:37 > 0:38:39That's the only reason anybody does chemistry at school,
0:38:39 > 0:38:41is it smells and bangs.
0:38:42 > 0:38:44Bang!
0:38:44 > 0:38:46'This may be a little less mad scientisty than
0:38:46 > 0:38:50'we were hoping for, but we are getting the reaction we need.'
0:38:50 > 0:38:52So, coal is being heated in the tube
0:38:52 > 0:38:55and the stuff that would normally go up the chimney in ye olde house
0:38:55 > 0:38:58is going through the wool, so the wool is trapping the tar
0:38:58 > 0:39:02and what's coming out is just the gas.
0:39:02 > 0:39:04Light the pipe.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07So that is coal gas coming off, which used to be used for lighting.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09Isn't this brilliant?
0:39:09 > 0:39:12This is the first time I've done chemistry since 1974.
0:39:12 > 0:39:14'Coal tar soap has antiseptic properties,
0:39:14 > 0:39:17'but we should point out that these days it's not widely used,
0:39:17 > 0:39:20'because in large doses it's carcinogenic.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24'But, for a one-off wash for someone like Simmy,
0:39:24 > 0:39:26'who has semi-evolved species living under his fingernails,
0:39:26 > 0:39:28'it should do just fine.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31'Next, it's time to get our ingredients mixed,
0:39:31 > 0:39:34'so in goes 125 grams of tallow,
0:39:34 > 0:39:36'or delicious beef fat.'
0:39:36 > 0:39:40Right, then you make the lye, which is caustic soda mixed with water.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43- You need to put your eye protection on for this.- Do I?- Yes.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47'Lye may be dangerous stuff, but you can't make true soap without it.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49'Because it's strongly alkaline,
0:39:49 > 0:39:52'it will react with the oil in our animal fat, causing
0:39:52 > 0:39:54'a reaction called saponification,
0:39:54 > 0:39:56'which should give us our soap base.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58What is caustic soda, Bob?
0:39:58 > 0:40:02Sodium hydroxide. And it's very corrosive.
0:40:02 > 0:40:06I'm amazed people developed the enthusiasm for washing their hands and becoming clean,
0:40:06 > 0:40:12given that the coal tar can blow up, the caustic soda can blind you, you can go deaf.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14'In fact, the process is so hazardous that Bob'
0:40:14 > 0:40:20has to take the equipment outside to a safe distance to extract the coal tar.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22He is using another dangerous chemical called toluene
0:40:22 > 0:40:25to wash the coal tar from the wool.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29With that done, the liquid needs to evaporate in a petri dish
0:40:29 > 0:40:32for 24 hours to end up with the tar.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34'We will speed this bit up because it is television
0:40:34 > 0:40:37'and I'm sick of waiting around a boring table.'
0:40:37 > 0:40:42That's our beef dripping, fully melted, so we can go back to the soap making
0:40:42 > 0:40:44factory over here.
0:40:44 > 0:40:49To this we add the lye, which we made with the caustic soda earlier.
0:40:49 > 0:40:54I do need the safety glasses on for this because it can be a bit aggressive.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56It could melt my face off or something.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00I should not stand over it. Here we go. This is a tiny amount. I can't really believe this is...
0:41:00 > 0:41:02- Bang!- ..going to work.
0:41:02 > 0:41:09Roaring conflagration so far(!) Thank God I put this shirt on.
0:41:09 > 0:41:14- Hello.- Hello.- Have you been successful?- Coal tar.- Fantastic.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17This is very exciting by the standards of what has happened
0:41:17 > 0:41:21so far. The mixture is beginning to resemble lemon curd.
0:41:21 > 0:41:25Do you see that? Quick, add... What have we got to add? I can't remember.
0:41:25 > 0:41:29Patchouli oil for that authentic smell of people who don't wash at all.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31And your coal tar please.
0:41:36 > 0:41:41A bit more coal tar please. It's not smelling quite institutional enough yet.
0:41:44 > 0:41:46It smells tremendous.
0:41:47 > 0:41:53We are now in a position to pour this into our mould and let it set.
0:41:53 > 0:41:57That's a bar of soap. That's a bar of soap.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00'I know this looks like the first soap designed to make you
0:42:00 > 0:42:03'even dirtier, but I think we've done it.'
0:42:03 > 0:42:07I believe we have successfully made soap.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11'A few minutes to solidify and it's ready to test on our "Simmy pig."'
0:42:11 > 0:42:18That is soap. It smells like soap, and it feels like soap.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20So, Simmy, if you'd like to step this way.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27- Ooh.- A piece of soap.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32- Happy?- Reasonably happy.- Off you go. - Thank you.
0:42:32 > 0:42:37From the dust of the earth we have created soap. The scourge of dirt.
0:42:37 > 0:42:40The catalyst for healthy prison shower relationships
0:42:40 > 0:42:44and the basis of casual jibes between nations.
0:42:44 > 0:42:47But popular tabletop science will cleanse us all.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49Here are some soap facts.
0:42:49 > 0:42:50First used in Bristol,
0:42:50 > 0:42:53it has now made it to the home of Simeon Oakley.
0:42:53 > 0:42:57The average Briton is thought to use around £20 of soap-based
0:42:57 > 0:43:00- products per year.- Where's the soap?- Hmm?- Where's the soap?
0:43:00 > 0:43:01I've given it to Simmy.
0:43:01 > 0:43:05I can make you some more but I'll need some more coal.
0:43:21 > 0:43:26"Dear Man Lab, I come from a very clumsy and ill-mannered family.
0:43:26 > 0:43:29"Mealtimes are a disaster with things being spilled everywhere
0:43:29 > 0:43:31"and people speaking during speeches.
0:43:31 > 0:43:35"Anything you can do to help. Yours sincerely, Mrs Sugar."
0:43:35 > 0:43:37We've had a think about this.
0:43:37 > 0:43:41We've come up with a dining solution in which the guests may not
0:43:41 > 0:43:46so much as lift a fork without the express permission of,
0:43:46 > 0:43:49and intervention by, the head of the table.
0:43:49 > 0:43:53Here is a typical four-place meal setting such as you might
0:43:53 > 0:43:56find in the Sugar household.
0:43:56 > 0:44:00Everything can easily be knocked over, thrown around,
0:44:00 > 0:44:03and all the rest of it, but they couldn't if they were stuck in place.
0:44:03 > 0:44:06If they were stuck in place they would then of course be completely useless.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09You wouldn't be able to have a drink. But what if you could
0:44:09 > 0:44:13selectively unstick individual pieces at the flick of a switch?
0:44:13 > 0:44:18This we can achieve with the miracle of electromagnetism.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28'We set about hacking into the beautiful solid pine
0:44:28 > 0:44:32'Scandinavian unlimited-edition £22 table
0:44:32 > 0:44:34'which was kindly lent to us by television's Oz Clarke.'
0:44:34 > 0:44:36Nice.
0:44:36 > 0:44:40MUSIC PLAYS
0:44:40 > 0:44:44'Purists will be pleased that we have preserved the table's original
0:44:44 > 0:44:45'simple design.'
0:44:47 > 0:44:52This is only a prototype. Could we not show you this wiring and this gaffer taping please?
0:44:54 > 0:44:57'To test our magnetic table, we've convened an elegant
0:44:57 > 0:45:00'and sophisticated Man Lab dinner party.'
0:45:00 > 0:45:02- I like your quiff. - And it's really fluffy.
0:45:02 > 0:45:03Here's how it works.
0:45:03 > 0:45:08This bank of switches controls the fixing of every piece of glass,
0:45:08 > 0:45:10cutlery and crockery to the table.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12Each one controls an electromagnet.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15There's a grid - side plate, fork, plate, knife, glass.
0:45:15 > 0:45:17Here are the names of the guests.
0:45:17 > 0:45:21And if, for example, I were to show you my side plate,
0:45:21 > 0:45:24you would see fixed to each piece of crockery,
0:45:24 > 0:45:26there is a special magnet keeper.
0:45:26 > 0:45:29So put that down in its rightful place...
0:45:29 > 0:45:31There it is.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33There is an interesting override function on this system,
0:45:33 > 0:45:35which has several uses.
0:45:35 > 0:45:37One is when we're ready for the toast.
0:45:37 > 0:45:40To me, I can hit Master, which simply turns everything off.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42So if you raise your glasses.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44In three, two, one...
0:45:46 > 0:45:49- Me.- Me.- Me.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51THEY CHUCKLE
0:45:51 > 0:45:54'Most dinner parties eventually get a bit rowdy
0:45:54 > 0:45:57'and especially when Rory's had one too many tropical alcopops.
0:45:57 > 0:46:00'But not to worry - with one flick of a switch,
0:46:00 > 0:46:02'the host can assume control.'
0:46:10 > 0:46:12The other very obvious application of this is at sea,
0:46:12 > 0:46:15where, obviously, the table can't be relied upon
0:46:15 > 0:46:16to remain flat and level.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19And also, if the crew is mutinying and, you know, threatening
0:46:19 > 0:46:22to drink all the rum on the first three days of the voyage.
0:46:22 > 0:46:25If you could all just put your bits down for a minute.
0:46:25 > 0:46:28If we sort of simulate being at sea with your knees.
0:46:31 > 0:46:34So you'd go, "Whoa, whoa, it's rough! It's really rough."
0:46:34 > 0:46:36I'd like you to... Tip it, tip it, tip it. There you go.
0:46:36 > 0:46:39Through waves like that, nothing falls off.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42So as it, you know, goes through the waves
0:46:42 > 0:46:44and then, it gradually calms down.
0:46:44 > 0:46:48The sea gradually settles, put it back down on the floor then.
0:46:48 > 0:46:50So, there you are, restored to calm.
0:46:52 > 0:46:54So, there you are,
0:46:54 > 0:46:57with the application of simple DC circuitry,
0:46:57 > 0:46:59some single-pole, single-throw switches,
0:46:59 > 0:47:00a transformer, a power supply,
0:47:00 > 0:47:02some soldering, lots of soldering,
0:47:02 > 0:47:08we've restored order to the chaos of the British dining table,
0:47:08 > 0:47:10the nucleus of the family and of discussion
0:47:10 > 0:47:12and the art of conversation and progress.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Absolutely marvellous, all done with magnets.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17I hope that's what you were looking for, Mrs Sugar.
0:47:28 > 0:47:31'Earlier on, we built a rocket with the aim of capturing
0:47:31 > 0:47:33'our very own bolt of lightning.
0:47:33 > 0:47:35'The theory was simple - we'd fire a rocket
0:47:35 > 0:47:39'trailing 800 metres of fine steel wire into a thunder cloud,
0:47:39 > 0:47:43'and conduct a lightning strike down to our waiting tub of sand.
0:47:43 > 0:47:46'The test firing goes without a hitch.'
0:47:46 > 0:47:48Three, two, one.
0:47:48 > 0:47:49We have lift-off!
0:47:52 > 0:47:53It worked!
0:47:53 > 0:47:57'But then, we were hit by a rare phenomenon - a British summer.
0:47:57 > 0:48:01'In response, we launched Operation Barbecue.'
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Does anyone want a burger?
0:48:03 > 0:48:06'A weather-changing tactic never known to fail.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08'And even before the diarrhoea had subsided,
0:48:08 > 0:48:12'the clouds rolled in and I received a very interesting phone call.'
0:48:13 > 0:48:15- Sean, are you on?- Yes.
0:48:15 > 0:48:17Hang on, Helen. Sorry.
0:48:17 > 0:48:18Are you running?
0:48:18 > 0:48:21- Yeah, yeah.- Yeah. Go on, go on. It's the Met Office.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24Yeah, yeah. Brilliant.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26No, we'll go now, we'll go now.
0:48:26 > 0:48:29Thank you. Bye, bye.
0:48:29 > 0:48:32Lightning on Salisbury, come on.
0:48:32 > 0:48:33Lightning.
0:48:37 > 0:48:39- Get in the van, who's got the van keys?- I've got it.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52We have a thunder and lightning hotline at the Met Office,
0:48:52 > 0:48:54manned by a very nice lady called Helen Chivers.
0:48:54 > 0:48:58And she rings us up the instant there are reports
0:48:58 > 0:49:00of possible thunder and lightning.
0:49:00 > 0:49:04And today, there's a 50-50 chance of it happening on Salisbury Plain,
0:49:04 > 0:49:07between about 12 and three.
0:49:07 > 0:49:08It's very exciting.
0:49:14 > 0:49:17We are now on Army property.
0:49:17 > 0:49:18The red flag is flying specifically
0:49:18 > 0:49:21because we're about to launch our rocket.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23Just as soon as it gets here.
0:49:23 > 0:49:25Look at the clouds. Quite promising.
0:49:25 > 0:49:29Lots of wind, it's been warm, the conditions are good.
0:49:31 > 0:49:34'An hour later, the rocket eventually shows up,
0:49:34 > 0:49:38'bearing news that our expert, Charlie, is held up.
0:49:38 > 0:49:40'But with the right weather bearing down on us,
0:49:40 > 0:49:42'we just can't wait for him.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44'We've got to go for launch.'
0:49:44 > 0:49:47We're aiming for that cloud, which isn't directly above the rocket,
0:49:47 > 0:49:50but we've allowed for the wind. We should go into that.
0:49:50 > 0:49:52Is everybody ready? Right, arming rocket.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55And...
0:49:55 > 0:49:58In three, two, one
0:49:58 > 0:50:00and lightning launch.
0:50:02 > 0:50:04BEEPING
0:50:08 > 0:50:09Ambrose!
0:50:11 > 0:50:13Go for the fire extinguisher.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15'The Man Lab rocket jinx is back.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18'By the time we've put out the small fire
0:50:18 > 0:50:19'and replaced the burnt-out wiring...'
0:50:19 > 0:50:22Is it the yellow wire or the black wire?
0:50:22 > 0:50:24'..we've missed the weather and lost our opportunity.'
0:50:26 > 0:50:27To have any chance of success,
0:50:27 > 0:50:30we need to be quicker, sharper and better.
0:50:32 > 0:50:37By the time the next call from the lightning hotline comes through, we are ready.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39We've practised our launch procedure...
0:50:42 > 0:50:45'..and we've armed ourselves with cutting-edge mapping technology
0:50:45 > 0:50:48'that pinpoints lightning strikes in real time.'
0:50:48 > 0:50:52We're heading to this sort of area in Somerset,
0:50:52 > 0:50:55where there have been lightning strikes in the last ten minutes
0:50:55 > 0:50:57and the last 20 minutes.
0:50:57 > 0:51:01This time, we've had the rocket pre-rigged on a special trailer.
0:51:01 > 0:51:03It's a straightforward bang, bang, bang, set-up,
0:51:03 > 0:51:06retreat to the van, countdown, fire when ready.
0:51:06 > 0:51:10'This time, we deploy like Fighter Command in 1940.
0:51:10 > 0:51:11'Within minutes, the rocket is up
0:51:11 > 0:51:15'and our lightning detection kit is screaming, "Scramble!"'
0:51:15 > 0:51:16This is very promising.
0:51:16 > 0:51:20We've had three strikes on the nought-to-three mile range. We've heard one of them.
0:51:20 > 0:51:23We've got an excellent reading on there, we've got our rocket set up.
0:51:23 > 0:51:25That cloud there is a thunder cloud.
0:51:25 > 0:51:28- It's going up.- Is it?
0:51:28 > 0:51:31Oh, let's get in the van. Get in the van.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33In the van!
0:51:33 > 0:51:35You'll have to get in, cameraman, I'm afraid.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37Otherwise, you could get blown to bits.
0:51:39 > 0:51:41We're ready. Right, launching!
0:51:41 > 0:51:43Three, two, one. And we...
0:51:46 > 0:51:47Come on!
0:51:50 > 0:51:53- Ah, bother!- BLEEP
0:51:56 > 0:51:59Never mind. It's British summer. There'll be loads of thunder.
0:52:04 > 0:52:09'As the days pass, our launch tally starts to rival NASA's...'
0:52:09 > 0:52:10Fire!
0:52:14 > 0:52:17'..while our success rate remains an obstinate zero.'
0:52:17 > 0:52:21Going in three, two, one and fire!
0:52:29 > 0:52:31Bugger! I really thought that was it.
0:52:31 > 0:52:33Charlie "the ferret" is already in the bushes.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38After a dozen fruitless attempts,
0:52:38 > 0:52:43we're still no closer in persuading Thor to come out and play.
0:52:43 > 0:52:47'Not only that, we're running low on time and rockets.'
0:52:47 > 0:52:49Where the bloody hell are we going?
0:52:52 > 0:52:55There's a happy holiday atmosphere aboard the rocket van.
0:52:55 > 0:52:57Everybody's got up very early on Sunday to do this.
0:52:57 > 0:53:01As you can imagine, the mood is cheerful, upbeat and positive(!)
0:53:04 > 0:53:07- When's lunch?- Yeah.
0:53:07 > 0:53:08That's a good point, actually.
0:53:23 > 0:53:24Fire!
0:53:30 > 0:53:33'After a month drawing a ballistic blank,
0:53:33 > 0:53:35'we're down to our last pair of rockets.'
0:53:37 > 0:53:40The trick is to pick your spot and be patient.
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Well, we didn't get here on time.
0:53:45 > 0:53:47HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:53:51 > 0:53:53But just when all seems lost,
0:53:53 > 0:53:56the weather gods finally deliver the goods.
0:53:58 > 0:54:02THUNDER
0:54:02 > 0:54:05'The Met Office have issued an amber storm warning.
0:54:05 > 0:54:08'That's the second highest warning issued by the Met.
0:54:08 > 0:54:10'There's some very stormy weather on the cards
0:54:10 > 0:54:12'for the next couple of days
0:54:12 > 0:54:14'across much of the country, affecting Wales...'
0:54:14 > 0:54:15It's a bit of a classic.
0:54:15 > 0:54:17Updraught, anvil-shaped cloud.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20There's probably a more technical term for it than that.
0:54:20 > 0:54:23But that is the sort of thing we want.
0:54:26 > 0:54:28This is where we are. Look.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31Lightning, lightning, lightning.
0:54:31 > 0:54:32Tons of it.
0:54:32 > 0:54:36I think this is probably the best chance we're ever going to get.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38Come on. Drive, drive!
0:54:42 > 0:54:45If we don't get blown up today, I'm going to be bitterly disappointed.
0:55:01 > 0:55:04Look at that. Hang on, there you go, flashing.
0:55:04 > 0:55:08It was 20 to 40 miles away, eight to 20. It is coming this way.
0:55:08 > 0:55:13This box is brilliant and gives us hope.
0:55:18 > 0:55:21We have readings just now of over two,
0:55:21 > 0:55:25and 1.5 gives us enough charge in the air.
0:55:25 > 0:55:26It gives us a lightning strike.
0:55:29 > 0:55:32We've been getting warnings...
0:55:32 > 0:55:35Warnings of three to eight miles flashing on the sky scan.
0:55:35 > 0:55:36If we get one at nought to three,
0:55:36 > 0:55:40we're pretty much guaranteed to be hit by lightning ourselves.
0:55:49 > 0:55:52I just got a nought to three.
0:55:52 > 0:55:53I just got a nought to three.
0:55:55 > 0:55:58There's another one, can you see it?
0:55:58 > 0:56:01- Can you see it?- Shall I spark those cameras in? Nought to three.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03Yeah, yeah, spark everything.
0:56:07 > 0:56:08Here we go.
0:56:11 > 0:56:13Arming.
0:56:15 > 0:56:19And in three, two, one...fire.
0:56:23 > 0:56:27This is our final entreaty to the god of thunder
0:56:27 > 0:56:32to grasp our humble offering and hurl down his sacred fire.
0:56:48 > 0:56:51If we can devote a whole programme to this subject,
0:56:51 > 0:56:52we might stand a chance of doing it.
0:56:52 > 0:56:57Plus if we went to somewhere like Hawaii, Croatia,
0:56:57 > 0:56:59we might, after several months of driving around
0:56:59 > 0:57:01and every day sleeping in tents, growing beards,
0:57:01 > 0:57:03eventually get a chance of a lightning strike.
0:57:03 > 0:57:04But doing it like this,
0:57:04 > 0:57:10I calculate that it would take approximately 35 years.
0:57:10 > 0:57:14As the great writer and philosopher Friedrich von Schiller once said,
0:57:14 > 0:57:16"Disappointments are to the soul
0:57:16 > 0:57:19"what the thunderstorm is to the air."
0:57:19 > 0:57:20But, in our case,
0:57:20 > 0:57:23it's that busy old fool, the unruly sun,
0:57:23 > 0:57:25who dashes our hopes.
0:57:25 > 0:57:27Nothing.
0:57:27 > 0:57:29Not a sausage.
0:57:29 > 0:57:34Diddly squat, jack, nada, nildo.
0:57:34 > 0:57:36The only thing the yellow box
0:57:36 > 0:57:38apparently is telling me at the moment
0:57:38 > 0:57:39is that the battery is running out.
0:57:39 > 0:57:41I'm sorry.
0:57:44 > 0:57:45Off.
0:57:48 > 0:57:50Pack up!
0:57:50 > 0:57:53'This may be over for now, but when, at a future date,
0:57:53 > 0:57:55'we have replenished our ballistic supplies,
0:57:55 > 0:57:58'we shall return to challenge Thor once again.'
0:57:58 > 0:58:01If you've got some lightning near you, do write to us.
0:58:03 > 0:58:06And please mark your subject line, "Scramble."
0:58:13 > 0:58:17Well, we're nearing the end of a disappointedly low-voltage edition of Man Lab,
0:58:17 > 0:58:19so we thought we'd entrust the finale
0:58:19 > 0:58:23to someone who really did understand electricity - Nikola Tesla.
0:58:23 > 0:58:26Here to play us out with the theme from Man Lab
0:58:26 > 0:58:29is the Electric Lightning Orchestra.
0:58:29 > 0:58:31Thank you for watching and goodbye!
0:58:32 > 0:58:34GUITAR PLAYS
0:58:54 > 0:58:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd