0:00:05 > 0:00:07Hello and welcome to Man Lab,
0:00:07 > 0:00:11which stands like a warmly lit wayside tavern
0:00:11 > 0:00:14on a road ruined by the potholes of our own incompetence.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18And where the weary traveller may drink deeply of the sawdusty draught
0:00:18 > 0:00:21of reassurance that everything will be OK.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Or something like that.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44'On today's rainy Wednesday afternoon at school...'
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Stand clear. Fire in the hole!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49'..we give a whole town its daily bread.'
0:00:49 > 0:00:54He's desperate for a bun, that bloke. His head is like a skull, Simmy, you've got to get him.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58'We take the reins of time's winged chariot with our own clock.'
0:00:58 > 0:01:02What could be simpler than that, apart from obvious things like quantum physics?
0:01:02 > 0:01:07'And we explore complex mathematical probability theory via 300 cans of lager.'
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Three, two, one! Aaaaaaarrrghhh!
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Yeah, so we've had a letter from Ian Littlejohn.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26He's a councillor in the Oxfordshire town of Abingdon.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30And he says, "Abingdon has an ancient tradition of throwing buns
0:01:30 > 0:01:35"from the top of our town hall to the assembled populous for royal events."
0:01:35 > 0:01:38"It usually attracts several thousand spectators
0:01:38 > 0:01:42"and the local councillors throw approximately 6,000 currant buns.
0:01:42 > 0:01:47"However, we have a problem and we wondered if you could help."
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I'm sure we can.
0:01:54 > 0:01:59'This might sound like the sort of thing we would just make up. It isn't.
0:01:59 > 0:02:04'Abingdon's obsession with chucking buns at its citizens stretches back centuries.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07'Every time there's a royal event, out come the buns.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11'All the way back to eyewitness accounts of low-flying hot crossers at the coronation
0:02:11 > 0:02:15'of King George III in 1760.'
0:02:15 > 0:02:18' "Let them eat buns," cry the burghers of Abingdon.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22'And the dough-faced citizens swarm into the streets like yeast-crazed fanatics.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25'Old photographs show crowds in a bun frenzy,
0:02:25 > 0:02:31'so deprived of entertainment that a pelted bun must have seemed like a PlayStation 3.'
0:02:31 > 0:02:33But, if anything, it gets worse.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Let's move forward to the modern colour age, the 1990s,
0:02:37 > 0:02:41the rise of the me-me-me culture, the decline of community values.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44We find tragic scenes such as this.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49If you look carefully, you will see this girl has three buns to herself.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52This woman over here has three buns.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Somebody back here has two buns. Somebody is catching buns in a hat.
0:02:56 > 0:03:01But what about this poor urchin here? He has nothing.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03He is our wart for this operation.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Let's not forget, he will now be in his twenties.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08He must be starving.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13Well, they throw all these buns
0:03:13 > 0:03:15and the crowds are massive, you know.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18You're literally up against one another like in a football ground.
0:03:18 > 0:03:24And it's impossible, unless you're very lucky, to catch one, you know.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28I'd say the amount of buns that actually make it to the back,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30about one or two, not even that.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32We try as hard as we can.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36But if we're wearing robes, they do inhibit you rather.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Last year, people were going home with five or six at the front.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Those at the back were not getting any.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46With James's help, hopefully, we can get them spread out so more people can get buns.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49It's a very old and very worthy idea.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52The re-distribution of wealth.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56The idea that riches should trickle down from the top to the people underneath.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58From the rich to the poor,
0:03:58 > 0:04:03we are the Robin Hoods of slightly stale bakery items.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07'This then is our battlefield, Abingdon town square,
0:04:07 > 0:04:11'clearly constructed to resemble a giant hot cross bun.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15'Come the jubilee, we'll be perched on top of the town hall,
0:04:15 > 0:04:18'rivalling the Shard at a colossal 20 metres high.
0:04:18 > 0:04:23'But if we are to successfully throw buns to the farthest reaches of the square,
0:04:23 > 0:04:28'we need to introduce Abingdon to the white heat of technology and science, which will feed us all.'
0:04:28 > 0:04:32So, here we go. 300 years in to the great tradition of throwing buns
0:04:32 > 0:04:36off the roof of the town hall, we have introduced the theodolite.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Looks very complicated. The principle is very simple.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42It sort of draws invisible optical triangles in the air.
0:04:42 > 0:04:47You will remember from trigonometry that, if you know angles and a few distances,
0:04:47 > 0:04:49you can then work out all the sides of the triangle,
0:04:49 > 0:04:53so we can get distances away, heights above the ground and so on.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56The point of this is, if we've got very accurate dimensions,
0:04:56 > 0:05:00we can work out very accurate trajectories that the buns need to follow.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05In order for this to work, you have to point it at the little prism on the top of Aaron's rod here,
0:05:05 > 0:05:09which means Simmy will press the buttons on this because he's very brainy.
0:05:09 > 0:05:15I'm going to go back down the 108 wooden steps of ye olde town hall and stand in the square with this.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Happy?- Very happy.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19See you.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21None shall pass!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Shall we do a reading from the centre of the cross in the square?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29The cross in the pavement? I'm advancing.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33You can advance. I don't have to do anything. This machine will follow you.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Will it?
0:05:36 > 0:05:40That is unbelievable. You want to look down here.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44The machine now automatically follows the prism to there.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48The centre of the cross in the centre of the cross in the centre of the square.
0:05:48 > 0:05:54You are now... Horizontal distance from me is 30 metres
0:05:54 > 0:05:57and your slope distance is 35 metres.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02This will be the most accurate reconnaissance for a bun-chucking mission
0:06:02 > 0:06:05ever attempted in the history of Abingdon.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Eight-and-a-half paces.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11'47.7 metres.'
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Your slope distance 55 metres, so we are getting quite far away.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18I think we'll be hard pushed to get that kind of distance.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22'Thanks to the theodolite, we know that our buns must reach a distance of 55 metres
0:06:22 > 0:06:27'if they're to reach the most dejected and leprous peasants at the back of the square.'
0:06:27 > 0:06:30'But recording mere distances is simply not enough.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33'In order to be truly accurate, we need to cater for the height
0:06:33 > 0:06:36'and catching variances of all the citizens of Abingdon.'
0:06:36 > 0:06:39I can't help think we're making this complicated.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Distances in metres accurate to three or four decimal places.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44It's not as if the bun is standard.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47We won't be able to make it land exactly there.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50I've got a better idea. I've got a really good idea.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58This is Jonathan Whaley. He's a highly experienced classic jet-fighter display pilot
0:06:58 > 0:07:02and an ex-Royal Navy aerial warfare instructor.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06He is eminently qualified to throw some stale bakery produce
0:07:06 > 0:07:08out of the window of a small Cessna.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- So, any questions? - Let's go, I'm ready for it.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Synchronise watches.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Monday?- Monday, it is. - Good.- Let's go.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27'And so began the first flight of the Abingdon bunner command.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30'Our target, representing Abingdon citizens the world over,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33'is our cardboard cut out of Will, our producer.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38'In the past, he's survived being shot by duelling pistols and being crushed by falling trees.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42'Can he withstand an aerial assault with the contents of a Greggs?'
0:07:44 > 0:07:46In the RAF during the Second World War,
0:07:46 > 0:07:52there were 300 pilots named Baker, 60 named Bun and one named Cake.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56'In-flight entertainment over, we've got to start flying really low
0:07:56 > 0:07:59'if we're to successfully slam the man not cut out for his job.'
0:07:59 > 0:08:01And reducing altitude.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03'And I mean REALLY low.'
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Five degrees. Five degrees, bun doors open.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10'There are more bun puns to come.'
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Lower, lower.
0:08:13 > 0:08:1530 feet, 30 feet.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17'Target in sight.'
0:08:25 > 0:08:27OK, bunbardier, make it a good one.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Buns gone.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36'Goner, goner. Will has been bunned.'
0:08:39 > 0:08:41LAUGHS
0:08:41 > 0:08:44'Stuff poncing about with the theodolite.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47'We now have proof that rapid aerial delivery would give 50% accuracy.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50'And only mild concussion.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53'Ecstatic, we took our proposal to the Abingdon council.'
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Can James do some low-level bunning? - No.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58'Bugger.'
0:08:58 > 0:09:03'But, judging by the hammering sounds traumatising the chickens outside Simmy's kitchen,
0:09:03 > 0:09:05'he may have a plan B.'
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Our plan today is to make a catapult.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12'Sim sets to work, accompanied by cheesy doing music,
0:09:12 > 0:09:15'welding up a framework from mild steel.'
0:09:18 > 0:09:23That'll be our frame. Then we stick it on something similar to this.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27'In engineering circles, this is known as a long bit.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31'With the long bit attached, Simmy also fashions a trigger mechanism.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35'This is becoming less of a catapult, more of a hot crossbow.'
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Off it goes.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43'Following art shots of the angle grinder, the final stage is to attach bungee cord to the frame.'
0:09:43 > 0:09:47'When this is extended, it's held by the trigger.'
0:09:47 > 0:09:49And...
0:09:49 > 0:09:51..that seems to work.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53'Now too the bun-firing buts.'
0:09:53 > 0:09:57- How accurate is this?- Well, if I aim for the middle of the gate.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- What if I go and stand in there? Can you...?- All right.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03See if you can actually fire it into my hands because,
0:10:03 > 0:10:07I'm just thinking, if this is a device that fires a single bun,
0:10:07 > 0:10:13- the really needy people who never get a bun, we can fire buns at.- Yeah. All right.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16People who maybe aren't quite up to the fray.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19'It's a good 40 metres to the gate.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22'If you add in a 20-metre drop, as we'll be firing from the top of the town hall,
0:10:22 > 0:10:26'then if we can reach this, we should clear the square.'
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- Right, ready? - Yeah. Give me that bun, man.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31There's a bit of wind.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Oh!
0:10:35 > 0:10:37It's good.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40'This is a precision pastry projectile system.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43'The sort of thing 3D TVs were invented for.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46'If only we'd thought to film it that way.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51'With this, we can slam a bun into the mewling gob of a hungry child from 60 metres.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55'The only problem is, we need to fire a heck of a lot of buns
0:10:55 > 0:10:57'and our hot crossbow is a one-shot deal.'
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- Perfect. OK, what else you got? - Ah!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05You might recognise this.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09- That's the Christmas tree bauble mortar.- Yes.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13'Yes, in a display of ingenuity that will justify your licence fee for years to come,
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Simmy has spent 15 minutes digging out
0:11:15 > 0:11:18the bauble mortar from our Christmas special last year.'
0:11:18 > 0:11:21The idea being, one big valve,
0:11:21 > 0:11:26which will let whatever compressed air is in this part out very quickly.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30And out they'll come. Simple in theory.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32We're going to give it a go now.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35'Pressure up to full. Here we go.'
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Five bar.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- There we go. - That's hopeless.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42LAUGHS
0:11:42 > 0:11:47'Before you can say, "Didn't that happen on the Christmas special?" Simmy has identified the problem.'
0:11:47 > 0:11:49There's so much air rushing past.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53What about some sort of wadding, like a shotgun cartridge?
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- Oh, I've thought of that, James. - Ah!- So I came up with that.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01So that now is a nice fit.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05So no air escapes around the side of our buns.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Ramrod just to get it...
0:12:10 > 0:12:12What we're looking at here is the mechanisation,
0:12:12 > 0:12:15the industrialisation, of food distribution,
0:12:15 > 0:12:17which a lot of people object to.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20They think it's not proper, local, or rustic.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25Let's face it, the population is expanding and this is the way they get fed.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27If you don't embrace this sort of thing,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30you end up with a place like Abingdon full of starving peasants.
0:12:30 > 0:12:35And nobody wants that. So, raising pressure.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36- Ready?- Fire.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Whoa!
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- I like that. - 'Buns to rain over us.'
0:12:47 > 0:12:50'So thanks to the cutting-edge tech of a small foam bung,
0:12:50 > 0:12:54'we can now give Abingdon a currant-bun carpet bomb.'
0:12:56 > 0:12:59That's tremendous.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01With that sort of trajectory, you're going that far,
0:13:01 > 0:13:05plus we've got the drop, you'll be able to mortar the shops opposite.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08You'll be able to fire buns through the windows.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10The only slight problem is,
0:13:10 > 0:13:13the loading procedure is quite convoluted and there's,
0:13:13 > 0:13:15I don't know, something like 5,500 buns.
0:13:15 > 0:13:21- That's it.- All those braying, starving people who haven't eaten since Charles and Diana got married.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24And all those councillors wanting to throw buns as well.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29We need a sort of... A more rapid-fire solution.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Well, yeah, there is something I'm working on.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I mean, given that the crossbow does, like, one a minute,
0:13:36 > 0:13:41this'll do six a minute. But I'm working on something that will do about one a second.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44'We're not going to reveal until part two exactly what this is,
0:13:44 > 0:13:47'only that it can do this...'
0:13:49 > 0:13:51I don't know what Sim's secret weapon is.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53But I do know that it's part of an extremely...
0:13:53 > 0:13:55NOISE OF WEAPON DROWNS OUT VOICE
0:14:13 > 0:14:16This is true progress.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21'Coming up, will our bun battery be up to bunmaggedon?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24'And will we run out of cheap bun-based gags?'
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Hey! Load the bunderbuss!
0:14:26 > 0:14:28'Stay tuned.'
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Fire! Fire!
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Fire!
0:14:39 > 0:14:45Now, the other day we noticed that there isn't actually a clock anywhere in the Man Lab,
0:14:45 > 0:14:49which isn't a problem because we can go out and buy one very easily.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51But where's the skill in that?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54This is Man Lab, so we're going to make one.
0:14:58 > 0:15:03All timepieces in the world rely in some way on natural phenomena.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Even the most ancient of clocks, the sundial,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09relies on the movement of the sun through the heavens,
0:15:09 > 0:15:11which is an immutable, it will always be the same.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14A clockwork wristwatch has an oscillating spring.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Even an atomic clock is based on something natural.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21There's another one that we're going to use, the flow of water.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Even a bucket with a hole in it, if the hole is the right size,
0:15:24 > 0:15:28will give you a rudimentary egg-timer sort of clock.
0:15:28 > 0:15:34But Simmy has been working on something more complicated involving siphons. Simmy.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38We're going to have a constant flow down to a siphon.
0:15:38 > 0:15:43As you know, with siphons, if you let water go into them slow enough
0:15:43 > 0:15:46they won't siphon because they'll never get to the point
0:15:46 > 0:15:51- where the water goes over the top of the siphon to actually draw in, draw down the water.- Right.
0:15:51 > 0:15:57'I'm saying "right" in a vaguely confident manner but, actually, this is all quite complicated.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59'We need to go back to first principles.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01'Here's what any petrol thief knows.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05'You draw liquid from a container through a pipe like this.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09'Once it reaches the point where it's lower than the liquid in the container,
0:16:09 > 0:16:11'it will continue to flow unassisted.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16'So if you keep topping up the original container, you can maintain a constant flow.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18'Because the chalk drawing is a bit baffling,
0:16:18 > 0:16:22we set up a simple prototype siphon to show how a series of them
0:16:22 > 0:16:25could manage the flow of water very accurately.'
0:16:25 > 0:16:28'If the siphons fill and discharge regularly,
0:16:28 > 0:16:32'then it should be a simple matter to join them up to a display.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36'Another natural phenomenon as the basis of a clock.'
0:16:36 > 0:16:38It's absolutely spot on.
0:16:38 > 0:16:44That always goes back to the same level, which means the same amount is coming out. That's important.
0:16:44 > 0:16:49Everyone will be constantly rushing to the bog with this thing going on in the background.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52'After going for a wee-wee, Simmy's ready to reveal more
0:16:52 > 0:16:56'of his increasingly complicated time and motion plan.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59'Time will be read on the clock by our minute indicator,
0:16:59 > 0:17:03'which will have 30 holes, each of which takes two minutes to fill.
0:17:03 > 0:17:09'When the minute indicator is full, the water will flow into the hour indicator, which has 12 holes.'
0:17:09 > 0:17:13If three windows in this were full and three windows in that were full,
0:17:13 > 0:17:16it would be six minutes past three in the morning.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- Or the afternoon because it's a 12-hour clock.- Yes.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22There you go. What could be simpler than that?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Apart from obvious things like quantum physics.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30'Any timepiece is as useless as a speed hump on a runway unless it's accurate.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33'And this is true of ours.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36'The slightest leak could completely ruin our clock's precision.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41'So to be extra careful, we make a wooden template for each part first,
0:17:41 > 0:17:46'so we can cut the real Perspex parts with absolute accuracy.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48'Once our Perspex pieces are cut,
0:17:48 > 0:17:51'it's time to construct our chronometer.'
0:17:51 > 0:17:55We must get on with this, Simmy, because, as Omar Khayyam said,
0:17:55 > 0:17:57"The stars are setting,
0:17:57 > 0:18:02"the caravan starts for the dawn of nothing. Oh, make haste."
0:18:02 > 0:18:06'The great thing about this, as opposed to a longcase clock,
0:18:06 > 0:18:08'is that we'll mount it on a large wheeled frame
0:18:08 > 0:18:12'so the whole thing is completely portable around the Man Lab.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15'It'll be as versatile as a wristwatch.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18'So, with our Perspex components exactly in position,
0:18:18 > 0:18:22'suddenly, from nothing but the mind of Simmy and precision engineering,
0:18:22 > 0:18:25'stands the Man Lab water clock.'
0:18:28 > 0:18:31You join us at a very exciting moment.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35We are about to add water to our water clock for the very first time.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38And you will know that the poet Larkin said,
0:18:38 > 0:18:41"If I were called in to construct a new religion, I would make use of water."
0:18:41 > 0:18:45And that's what we've done here. Time is our god.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- How are you doing?- You should see it come into that bottom tank soon.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Can you see water coming through?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- Yes! Yes! - We have water?- We do.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Simmy's plumbing in the pump that maintains the head of water at the top.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05'This is it, then, zero hour for the Man Lab water clock.'
0:19:05 > 0:19:08MUSIC: "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Oh, it's leaking like a bastard.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- Yeah, let's close that off. - Right. Stop it. Close the valve.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16That's what I... No... That's...
0:19:16 > 0:19:18LAUGHS
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Where's the ladder gone? I've banged my head on... Ah! No, chair. Chair will do it.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24BLEEP
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- Why is there another hole there? - Oh, I don't know.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Shouldn't be a hole there. I'll have to keep my finger in it.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33LAUGHS
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Woah-ho!
0:19:35 > 0:19:41'We'd like to tell you how long we spent on repairs, unfortunately, our clock was broken.'
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Simmy's water clock, really,
0:19:45 > 0:19:48it defers to the Romans and their aqueducts,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51the canal builders of the Industrial Revolution
0:19:51 > 0:19:53and our clock-making grandfathers.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57It really is a remarkable bubbling thing.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00So you can see it work more clearly,
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Simmy's now going to add dye to the water.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07# Our eyes are watering, mama... #
0:20:07 > 0:20:11'Now this may look a little complex, so here's how it works.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14'Water is pumped up from the tank at the bottom to the top.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17'It then travels down through our siphon system,
0:20:17 > 0:20:21'which releases water every two minutes into our minute gauge.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24'So each hole filled here represents two minutes of time.
0:20:24 > 0:20:29'Once the minute gauge is full, the water is dumped into the hour gauge
0:20:29 > 0:20:31'where each hole filled is one hour.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34'Then at midnight or midday, when everything is full,
0:20:34 > 0:20:38'the whole system is dumped back to the water tank to start again.'
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Simmy reckons he's fixed the leaks in the clock and it's running perfectly.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46But to see if he's right, we need to check it against the real time.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48And to find the real time,
0:20:48 > 0:20:52I'm going to use one of the most ancient methods known to humankind,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55which is, of course, the talking clock.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Hang on.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03'At the third stroke, the time will be 10:52 and 10 seconds.'
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Right, let's find out.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11Ten... Two, four, six, eight. 52.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15'To use the strict horological term, that's bob on.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19'The Man Lab water clock is complete and accurately recording our tardiness.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22'Wave goodbye to boring wall clocks
0:21:22 > 0:21:26'and welcome this gurgling monument to doing things the hard way.'
0:21:28 > 0:21:31That's marvellous. But now it's time for something different.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39WHISTLE BLOWS
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Arse!
0:21:45 > 0:21:48We've all done this, of course.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51You've been out with your mates who live in the country,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54you've had a good night out, maybe had a few too many,
0:21:54 > 0:21:58then you miss the last historic steam train from the local station.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00What do you do? There's nobody here to help you.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02The signalman sits in his signal box
0:22:02 > 0:22:05staring dispassionately at his chipped thermos flask.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09You crash out. If it's summer, here's a bench,
0:22:09 > 0:22:12here's a nice grassy knoll. You can kip down there.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Wait for the next train in the morning.
0:22:14 > 0:22:20But what if it's winter? What if it's freezing cold? What if it's raining?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22We think we have an idea.
0:22:22 > 0:22:27You join me in Man Lab's top-secret inflatable novelties department
0:22:27 > 0:22:30where air can be used to sustain anything,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33even a small igloo-like building such as that one.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36We're going to use it for what we call the snore-kel.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39The meaning of this will become clear. Here's a bit of a prototype.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41It's lifejacket technology.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45This is polyurethane held together with seams.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48This is a small valve device with a hand trigger,
0:22:48 > 0:22:52like the one you're supposed to pull after your airliner has ditched in the sea.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54I have in my pocket an air canister.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58This would simply screw into here like so and then...
0:22:59 > 0:23:01I hope I don't let myself down.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04..pull the string and nothing happens.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Pull the string...
0:23:15 > 0:23:21That, we think, is the basis of a very good night's sleep anywhere.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24WHISTLE BLOWS
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Crivens!
0:23:30 > 0:23:36I've missed the last historic steam train again and it's raining.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39However, this time, I am wearing the snore-kel.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42And to look at it would appear to be a typical coat of the sort
0:23:42 > 0:23:46available from any retailer of clothing to the railway enthusiast.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49But watch this.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Undo the two pockets.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Remove the three ripcords.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00And then, very swiftly...
0:24:01 > 0:24:03AIR HISSES
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Lovely.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25The great thing about this is that it can be used in pretty much any situation.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29'Inexplicably sleepy at an adventure playground?
0:24:31 > 0:24:35'Watch your snore-kel inflate like a butterfly leaving the chrysalis.
0:24:37 > 0:24:42'Tight, uncomfortable spaces are transformed into near womb-like levels of comfort.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50'A bottle bank becomes a sought-after open-plan studio.
0:24:50 > 0:24:55'A small wall transforms into a plush orthopaedic bed.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57'And a phone box...
0:24:58 > 0:25:02'..now indistinguishable from a state-of-the-art Hong Kong penthouse.'
0:25:02 > 0:25:07Hello, darling. I'll be home tomorrow. Goodbye.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15'The snore-kel. Enjoy a night under the stars in comfort,
0:25:15 > 0:25:20'safe in the knowledge that no one has any clue that you've been sleeping rough.'
0:25:20 > 0:25:22- Morning.- Good morning.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Cor!
0:26:09 > 0:26:14That was one round of the most perilous game of chance known to man, The Beer Hunter.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17And it is, of course, a complete game of chance.
0:26:17 > 0:26:22Do you take the can that's been shaken up or do you not take it?
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Here's a question, one that's concerning us a great deal in Man Lab,
0:26:26 > 0:26:30can you make your own luck in a game of chance?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Maybe you can. Step this way.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36We're going to talk about something called the Monty Hall Problem,
0:26:36 > 0:26:43named after Monty Hall, the host of an American TV quiz show called Let's Make A Deal.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Typically, in the show, the winning contestant would be presented
0:26:47 > 0:26:52with three mystery prizes in boxes, you can't see what they are.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56One of them is a good prize, the other two are duff prizes.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01In our case, one of these boxes contains a lovely large slice of gala pie.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05The other two contain a bowl of dreary salad.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08At this point, the game show host says to me...
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Good luck. Pick a box.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16I'm going to say, "I choose box one." And the game show host says...
0:27:16 > 0:27:18You've made your choice.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21I shall now help you out by revealing that in box three
0:27:21 > 0:27:24there is a dreary salad. Now that you've seen that,
0:27:24 > 0:27:27would you like to change your mind?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Now, at this point, many of you at home, I imagine, will be going,
0:27:30 > 0:27:33"But that's just a 50/50 chance. What can you do about it?"
0:27:33 > 0:27:36But not so. According to game theorists,
0:27:36 > 0:27:39who have been working on this sort of thing since the 1930s,
0:27:39 > 0:27:43I should change my mind and I stand more chance of winning.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47So, yes, please, I would like this box instead.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49- Drum roll.- Drum roll.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53Ah-ha-ha-ha! Da-da-da-da-da-da!
0:27:53 > 0:27:55I don't get that at all.
0:27:55 > 0:28:01- That is a piece of gala pie. - That's a piece of pie, you got it right. I don't understand the maths.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05I know what you mean. It doesn't seem to make sense because that box has gone,
0:28:05 > 0:28:08but we know what was in it, so that seems to change the odds.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11But, apparently, and this has been debated for decades
0:28:11 > 0:28:15by statisticians, by PhD mathematicians,
0:28:15 > 0:28:18and it is supposedly true. In that situation,
0:28:18 > 0:28:20you should change your mind.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22So what we're going to do to test the theory
0:28:22 > 0:28:26is play the Monty Hall version of The Beer Hunter.
0:28:26 > 0:28:31Three cans per round, two are explosive, one is safe.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34But, of course, that's not very scientific either.
0:28:34 > 0:28:41The only way we can make this statistically viable is to play 100 rounds.
0:28:41 > 0:28:46MUSIC: "Cavatina" ("The Theme from The Deer Hunter") by Stanley Myers
0:28:46 > 0:28:51So, just to reiterate, each of the 100 rounds of The Beer Hunter
0:28:51 > 0:28:53will feature three tins of beer.
0:28:53 > 0:28:58Two of them will have been banged on the Anvil of Doom by Rory over there.
0:28:58 > 0:29:03Viet Tom will present me with the three tins and I will choose one.
0:29:03 > 0:29:08He will then remove one of the remaining dangerous ones.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10He will offer me the opportunity to change my mind.
0:29:10 > 0:29:12And I'm always going to change my mind,
0:29:12 > 0:29:16meaning Sim is always left with the one remaining tin.
0:29:16 > 0:29:21Helen over there will keep score of how often each one of us buys the farm.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23And if the game theory is correct,
0:29:23 > 0:29:25Simmy should end up covered in more beer than me.
0:29:25 > 0:29:29And now, to set the mood and increase the tension,
0:29:29 > 0:29:33some insect noises from the BBC Sound Archive
0:29:33 > 0:29:35and some artistic camera shots.
0:29:35 > 0:29:39INSECT NOISES
0:29:39 > 0:29:44Most game theorists will predict that Simmy will lose two-thirds of the time,
0:29:44 > 0:29:50or 66.6%, with me only losing one third, or 33.3%.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52Let's see.
0:29:52 > 0:29:57Three cans. I pick one and Tom takes away a dangerous one.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00Are you going to open that one yourself?
0:30:03 > 0:30:06'I then always change my mind and pick the other can,
0:30:06 > 0:30:10'leaving Simmy with the remaining one.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13'Come on, game theory, do your thing.'
0:30:13 > 0:30:16Three, two, one. Fire.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19Noooooooo!
0:30:19 > 0:30:20'Bollocks.'
0:30:20 > 0:30:23So this is why we have to do this properly over 100 rounds
0:30:23 > 0:30:26because one go doesn't prove anything statistically.
0:30:26 > 0:30:29I lost that. I'm dead.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32But, overall, well, let's see.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40Three, two, one.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47Three, two, one. Fire.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49LAUGHS
0:30:49 > 0:30:53'Three rounds in and game theory is beginning to look
0:30:53 > 0:30:56'about as relevant to the real world as The Golden Shot.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00'But then...'
0:31:07 > 0:31:10Ah-ha! Ha-ha!
0:31:10 > 0:31:14'Sergeant Simmy's winning streak has been broken. The game is on.'
0:31:14 > 0:31:16Three, two, one.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Fire.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22Three, two, one!
0:31:22 > 0:31:23Aaaaarrrghh!
0:31:23 > 0:31:27# There's blood in the streets, it's up to my ankles
0:31:28 > 0:31:31# There's blood in the streets it's up to my knees
0:31:32 > 0:31:35# There's blood in the streets in the town of Chicago... #
0:31:35 > 0:31:37LAUGHTER
0:31:37 > 0:31:40Oh, my God!
0:31:41 > 0:31:44# Just about the break of day... #
0:31:44 > 0:31:45Ohhh!
0:31:46 > 0:31:49# She came and then she drove away... #
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Just to be absolutely clear, this is a pure experiment.
0:31:52 > 0:31:56I can't see what they're doing. I'm not cheating. I don't look when I choose the tin.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59This is absolutely a statistical experiment.
0:31:59 > 0:32:04And the score is, Simmy has died 28 times to my nine.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07- Argh! - Oh!
0:32:08 > 0:32:11Halfway through The Beer Hunter.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13LAUGHS
0:32:15 > 0:32:19'It was at this point that things started to get a little strange.'
0:32:20 > 0:32:22INSECT AND BIRD NOISES
0:32:25 > 0:32:27'What we didn't realise was that,
0:32:27 > 0:32:30'although we weren't actually drinking the beer,
0:32:30 > 0:32:34'the sheer amount of CO2 released from the cans into our sweaty tent
0:32:34 > 0:32:37'was giving everyone low-grade hypercapnia,
0:32:37 > 0:32:39'or carbon dioxide poisoning.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42'Do not try this kind of mathematical research at home
0:32:42 > 0:32:45'or in a pound-shop mock-up of Vietnam.
0:32:45 > 0:32:49'Thoughts of game theory and clever number crunching had fallen away.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53'Our clothes dripped with beer, our fingers, shrivelled and wrinkled,
0:32:53 > 0:32:56'fumbled with soft nails at ceaseless ring pulls.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59'Pneumonia had taken Simmy.'
0:32:59 > 0:33:00HE SNEEZES
0:33:00 > 0:33:03'Collateral damage was everywhere.
0:33:03 > 0:33:07'The horror. The horror.'
0:33:07 > 0:33:09# This is the end... #
0:33:09 > 0:33:13- Five rounds left. - # Beautiful friend
0:33:16 > 0:33:20# This is the end
0:33:20 > 0:33:24# My only friend, the end
0:33:24 > 0:33:29# Of our elaborate plans, the end
0:33:31 > 0:33:36# Of everything that stands, the end #
0:33:36 > 0:33:39Come on! Ah! Ah!
0:33:39 > 0:33:4360-39. What does that mean?
0:33:43 > 0:33:44SIMMY LAUGHS
0:33:44 > 0:33:47Final round, gentlemen. Final round.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Two, one, fire.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58ALL SHOUT
0:34:01 > 0:34:04'Despite our escape attempt, the final point would have been to me.'
0:34:04 > 0:34:09So the final score, Simmy dies 60 times,
0:34:09 > 0:34:14I've died 40 times, meaning what?
0:34:14 > 0:34:17LAUGHTER
0:34:17 > 0:34:19That there...
0:34:19 > 0:34:21Cut.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23LAUGHTER
0:34:23 > 0:34:28'Four hot baths later and with therapy for post-alcoholic stress disorder pending,
0:34:28 > 0:34:31'we tried once more to figure out the maths.'
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Here is a theory that Tom and I have come up with.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37And this is after a great deal of heated debate.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40Let's say I choose this can,
0:34:40 > 0:34:45there's a 33% chance that that is the safe one,
0:34:45 > 0:34:49and there's a 66% chance that the safe one is in those two.
0:34:49 > 0:34:53But this is where it all becomes a bit corrupted because Viet Tom,
0:34:53 > 0:34:55the game show host, comes in to remove a can
0:34:55 > 0:34:59but he has to remove a dangerous one, let's say it's that one.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02Now, of course, that one could be dangerous as well
0:35:02 > 0:35:07but there's now a 50/50 chance that that is the safe one.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10Somehow, 17% of the odds disappear with that can
0:35:10 > 0:35:14because Tom has to take a dangerous one.
0:35:14 > 0:35:20So I should swap from my original 33% chance to my new 50% chance.
0:35:20 > 0:35:25And the amazing thing is, if you extrapolate the ratio 50 to 33,
0:35:25 > 0:35:29you arrive at 60 to 39.6,
0:35:29 > 0:35:33or only 0.4 adrift from the result we got.
0:35:33 > 0:35:36That's less than half a tin of beer out
0:35:36 > 0:35:39from what our theory would predict.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41So if you are a proper statistician,
0:35:41 > 0:35:44please do not write to us on manlab@bbc.co.uk
0:35:44 > 0:35:47because our brains hurt very badly already.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51But I think something we have demonstrated is that luck itself is not to be trusted.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54As the American author R E Shay said,
0:35:54 > 0:35:57"Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will,
0:35:57 > 0:36:01"but remember it didn't work for the rabbit."
0:36:08 > 0:36:12Now, here is a problem encountered by modern man everywhere.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15You are abroad. Let's say you're in Tokyo.
0:36:15 > 0:36:18You don't speak Japanese but that's not a problem
0:36:18 > 0:36:21because you've bought this very handy Japanese phrase book.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Let's imagine I'm at the station.
0:36:23 > 0:36:27I want to know what time the next train is and which platform it goes from.
0:36:27 > 0:36:31Fortunately enough, that very phrase is in my Japanese book
0:36:31 > 0:36:35and it tells me phonetically how I say it in Japanese.
0:36:35 > 0:36:40And more to the point, here is a helpful Japanese man I can ask.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44SPEAKS JAPANESE
0:36:48 > 0:36:50REPLIES IN JAPANESE
0:36:55 > 0:36:58And there you see the problem.
0:36:58 > 0:37:03I don't understand what he's saying because I can't speak Japanese.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06The very reason the phrase book existed in the first place
0:37:06 > 0:37:08is the reason it's completely redundant.
0:37:08 > 0:37:10Domo arigato.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14# I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
0:37:14 > 0:37:18# He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich... #
0:37:18 > 0:37:24Our linguistic mission was launched when we discovered that research into chimps shows that language
0:37:24 > 0:37:27as we know it today evolved out of gestures.
0:37:27 > 0:37:31Chimps have a wide range of meanings that come from gestures.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34An attempt to teach one actual sign language in the '60s,
0:37:34 > 0:37:38resulted in it having a vocabulary of over 200 words.
0:37:38 > 0:37:42So the first human words were, in fact, movements and not sounds.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44And that got us thinking.
0:37:44 > 0:37:48Everybody in the world knows that that means, "Give me a ring."
0:37:48 > 0:37:51This means, "The bill, please." This means money.
0:37:51 > 0:37:53This means, "Let's eat."
0:37:53 > 0:37:57So, is there a universally understood sign language
0:37:57 > 0:37:59that could be available to everyone?
0:37:59 > 0:38:03Is there an Esperanto of body language
0:38:03 > 0:38:08so that we can demolish the Tower of Babel for ever? Let's find out.
0:38:08 > 0:38:13'This is Richard and Judi. Richard Knight is a professional mime artist
0:38:13 > 0:38:17'and Judi James is a psychologist who specialises in body language.
0:38:17 > 0:38:23'Over the rest of the day, they help us develop our revolutionary new silent language.'
0:38:23 > 0:38:27Get rid of what you know in your head and start from a blank canvas.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30So you need to do it on their map of the world rather than yours.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33You know that you want an apple but you've got to make them understand
0:38:33 > 0:38:36what would they see as a signal for an apple.
0:38:36 > 0:38:41'It should be stressed that we're not trying to do sign language, which isn't international.
0:38:41 > 0:38:45'There are not only different sign languages for different countries,
0:38:45 > 0:38:48'it also relies heavily on spelling words out.
0:38:48 > 0:38:51'Whereas, our language is purely gesture-based.'
0:38:51 > 0:38:55Basically, it's doing one thing at a time. Even the body says one thing.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58Like the whole body's surprised. But it's one thing.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01It's like going, "Surprise," then go straight into something else.
0:39:01 > 0:39:04Make sure you eliminate everything else that it isn't.
0:39:04 > 0:39:09If you grab like an apple, you want to eliminate that it's not a peach or pear or something.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12So I might want to rub it first.
0:39:12 > 0:39:15'We spent hours watching Richard and Judi.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18'But in order to see if our silent language would be a success,
0:39:18 > 0:39:20'we needed a way of testing it in the field.
0:39:20 > 0:39:24'And what better place to try out our universal language solution
0:39:24 > 0:39:28'than somewhere that spends over a billion pounds a year
0:39:28 > 0:39:30'on interpreters and translation...'
0:39:30 > 0:39:32Brussels.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35More specifically, here at the European Parliament,
0:39:35 > 0:39:40where the leaders of our great nations gather to misunderstand each other.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43Here you can see the exact problem we're dealing with.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47The same simple thing said over and over and over again,
0:39:47 > 0:39:5123 times, just slightly differently.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54Let's see if we can take the first tentative steps
0:39:54 > 0:39:58towards universal understanding.
0:39:58 > 0:40:02'This is Guy from the Man Lab. He's armed with phrase books.
0:40:02 > 0:40:06'I'm armed with the new Man Lab Universal Silent Language, or MUSL.
0:40:06 > 0:40:10'In order to test it, we've been given a list of four tourist spots
0:40:10 > 0:40:14'to reach in a sort of race for comprehension across the city.'
0:40:14 > 0:40:18Here's how it works. It's a sort of time trial, a bit like the Isle of Man TT.
0:40:18 > 0:40:22I will be given the first destination, no idea what it is yet.
0:40:22 > 0:40:24I'm given a ten-minute head start.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27Then Guy is given it and he sets off using his phrase books.
0:40:27 > 0:40:32At the end of the race, we'll see who's taken the least time to get around
0:40:32 > 0:40:34and who's taken the least time on each stage.
0:40:34 > 0:40:39So we have a series of results we can manipulate to show that mine is better.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41Are you ready, Guy?
0:40:44 > 0:40:47- Oui.- Good. Let's begin.
0:40:47 > 0:40:50'Our first place to get directions for
0:40:50 > 0:40:52'is the Belgium Natural History Museum,
0:40:52 > 0:40:57'distinctive for this rather ferocious Iguanodon guarding the entrance.'
0:41:04 > 0:41:06TRANSLATED FROM FRENCH:
0:41:19 > 0:41:22'I'm trying to remember Richard and Judi's advice
0:41:22 > 0:41:24'of doing one clear gesture at a time.'
0:41:24 > 0:41:26'But the grand unveiling of MUSL
0:41:26 > 0:41:28'isn't going as smoothly as I'd hoped.'
0:41:41 > 0:41:43'I don't see what's so tricky to understand.'
0:41:43 > 0:41:47'It's clearly the universal Iguanodon gesture.'
0:41:48 > 0:41:51- Sort of Michael Jackson. A wolf? - A statue.
0:41:51 > 0:41:57Statue of a monster or a lion, like on a flag or something? No? OK.
0:41:57 > 0:41:59'I've picked the wrong single gesture to focus on
0:41:59 > 0:42:02'or, as Judi would say, I'm not getting into their heads
0:42:02 > 0:42:05'and picturing how THEY would describe this.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07'Time to re-group.'
0:42:07 > 0:42:10- There's a museum of dinosaurs. - Oh, yeah, it's round there.- Thanks.
0:42:10 > 0:42:14'So the first test of the Man Lab Universal Silent Language
0:42:14 > 0:42:17'is an unmitigated disaster.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19'Can the phrase book do any better?'
0:42:19 > 0:42:21GUY SPEAKS HALTING FRENCH
0:42:29 > 0:42:34'Yes, it can. Guy will probably be fired after this challenge is over
0:42:34 > 0:42:39'and I'm going to have to refine my approach drastically if I'm going to pull this back.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42'Destination two is the Belgian Comic Strip Center,
0:42:42 > 0:42:46'home to Brussels' most famous investigative man boy, Tintin.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48'I find a lady who can't run away from me
0:42:48 > 0:42:51'as she's apparently been glued to this step since 2005.'
0:42:51 > 0:42:53'I have another go.
0:42:53 > 0:42:57'I'm going to try Richard's method of describing one thing at a time.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00'So, comic book.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03'Pointy hair.
0:43:04 > 0:43:09'Little dog. And, suddenly, a break through.'
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Bye.
0:43:20 > 0:43:24'It's the first real success for the Man Lab Universal Silent Language.
0:43:24 > 0:43:27'But it took me a whopping five-and-a-half minutes to get there.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30'Hot on my heels, team phrase book.'
0:43:30 > 0:43:32Tintin.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36- Oui. - Oui. Er...
0:43:45 > 0:43:47Tres bien. Merci. Merci beaucoup.
0:43:48 > 0:43:52'Guy spends the next five minutes wandering around,
0:43:52 > 0:43:55'as he has no idea what "A cote de la Grand Place" means.
0:43:55 > 0:43:59'But he still manages to get to the Belgian Comic Strip Center before me
0:43:59 > 0:44:01'despite my ten-minute head start.
0:44:01 > 0:44:03'Next up, the Magritte Museum.
0:44:03 > 0:44:06'Your one-stop shop for bowler-hatted businessmen
0:44:06 > 0:44:08'floating in the sky and pipes that are not a pipe.'
0:44:09 > 0:44:11Direction...
0:44:20 > 0:44:21'It's Magritte, Guy.'
0:44:24 > 0:44:27'So far, the phrase book has been reasonably faultless
0:44:27 > 0:44:31'but it does fall down when you start asking for places that don't exist.'
0:44:31 > 0:44:34Art... Matisse?
0:44:34 > 0:44:35Tres bien paintings.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Matisse.
0:44:38 > 0:44:41Tres old.
0:44:41 > 0:44:44Ah, si! Ah, oui, oui! Oui, oui!
0:44:44 > 0:44:48Museum of Magritte. Magritte.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00LAUGHTER
0:45:00 > 0:45:03Je... Je...
0:45:05 > 0:45:09'After six minutes, team phrase book finally gets the goods.'
0:45:09 > 0:45:12Merci beaucoup.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14Au revoir.
0:45:14 > 0:45:18'So the first cracks are starting to show in the phrase book.
0:45:18 > 0:45:22'On the other hand, MUSL was finally starting to find its feet.'
0:45:22 > 0:45:24# But there's silence here instead
0:45:24 > 0:45:31# We just want to talk, you can never talk enough
0:45:31 > 0:45:34# But we can't even talk no more
0:45:34 > 0:45:39# So how we supposed to love...? #
0:46:36 > 0:46:39'Sorted.
0:46:39 > 0:46:43'Despite proving that multicultured gesture conversations are possible
0:46:43 > 0:46:46'and the way forward for the future, team phrase book is in the lead,
0:46:46 > 0:46:51'having reached the Magritte Museum. Now Guy needs directions to the final destination.
0:46:51 > 0:46:56'The most famous statue in Brussels, the literally named Manneken Pis.'
0:47:02 > 0:47:04Looking for, er...
0:47:07 > 0:47:09Ja, ja, ja.
0:47:13 > 0:47:17- The jungen pis? - Da. Da.
0:47:17 > 0:47:21'I may be lagging behind but, while the phrase book is descending into increasing gibberish,
0:47:21 > 0:47:26'the Man Lab Universal Silent Language is becoming more streamlined than ever.'
0:47:27 > 0:47:30Oh, you would like to... Ah, Manneken Pis.
0:47:30 > 0:47:34Manneken Pis is, um...
0:47:36 > 0:47:41I think it's this direction in the centre. You should go down here.
0:47:41 > 0:47:45'As I race like a tongueless stallion towards the small urinating child,
0:47:45 > 0:47:49'I'm under no illusions that I've got no hope of catching up with Guy.
0:47:49 > 0:47:51'But that's almost irrelevant.
0:47:51 > 0:47:55'The fact is, that after some refining, the universal language mime does work
0:47:55 > 0:47:58'and we can finally all be united under one...
0:47:58 > 0:48:01'Well, hang on, where is Guy?'
0:48:01 > 0:48:05- Congratulations, James. - Thank you very much.- You made it. - And Guy's not here.- No.
0:48:05 > 0:48:10If Guy takes more than ten minutes to turn up, officially, I've won,
0:48:10 > 0:48:14and that'll be a triumph for the single European mime, or the...
0:48:20 > 0:48:23And let's be honest, this has been one afternoon's experiment.
0:48:23 > 0:48:27New words take decades, even centuries, to emerge,
0:48:27 > 0:48:32and we have already arrived at universally internationally recognised symbols
0:48:32 > 0:48:36for a dinosaur and a small urinating statue.
0:48:36 > 0:48:38That's a triumph.
0:48:38 > 0:48:43'Nine minutes and 50 seconds later and Guy is still looking for the boy's piss.'
0:48:44 > 0:48:46# And tenement halls
0:48:46 > 0:48:50# And whispered in
0:48:50 > 0:48:55# The sounds of silence. #
0:49:07 > 0:49:10Man Lab's newly formed humanitarian charity
0:49:10 > 0:49:14has been hard at work in the Oxfordshire town of Abingdon,
0:49:14 > 0:49:16hoping to feed the starving masses.
0:49:16 > 0:49:20So now let's go and see how Bunned Aid is getting on.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27'Earlier on in the show, we were approached by the right honourable
0:49:27 > 0:49:31'council of Abingdon, whose traditional bun-throwing ceremony
0:49:31 > 0:49:35'for the Queen's jubilee was in danger of leaving its citizens both hot and cross.'
0:49:35 > 0:49:40The amount of buns that actually make it to the back, about one or two.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43'Our mission was to find a way to launch buns from the roof
0:49:43 > 0:49:47'of the town hall to reach the peasant masses in the square below.
0:49:47 > 0:49:49'Even the lazy ne'er do wells at the back.
0:49:49 > 0:49:52'After a few false starts with bun-delivery systems...'
0:49:52 > 0:49:54Buns gone.
0:49:56 > 0:50:01'..we finally had a bun-blasting armoury that was a match for the braying and starving proletariat.'
0:50:01 > 0:50:05JAMES LAUGHS
0:50:05 > 0:50:07'As morning dawns on the day of the jubilee, though,
0:50:07 > 0:50:10'there's just one thing we hadn't considered.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13'It's chucking it down.'
0:50:13 > 0:50:19And so you join me in Abingdon town square on a glorious June 3rd 2012.
0:50:19 > 0:50:23As I'm sure you can see, royal fervour is all around me.
0:50:23 > 0:50:27The town is almost at breaking point. What a glorious day.
0:50:27 > 0:50:30In honour of both Her Majesty and the British weather,
0:50:30 > 0:50:34I've worn this uniform of red, white and grey.
0:50:34 > 0:50:3860 years on the throne, long to reign over us.
0:50:40 > 0:50:45'If this rain keeps up, it won't matter if our bun launchers can reach the back of the square.
0:50:45 > 0:50:49'There may be nobody down there to fire them at.
0:50:49 > 0:50:52'But as the first soggy jubilee celebrators start to trickle in,
0:50:52 > 0:50:56'morale remains patriotically high. This is a town
0:50:56 > 0:50:58'that's hungry for buns.'
0:50:58 > 0:51:01Moved from Bristol to Oxfordshire, heard about the bun fight.
0:51:01 > 0:51:04Just met the man himself, James May, fantastic.
0:51:04 > 0:51:06Waiting to see how far they project those buns.
0:51:06 > 0:51:09If I catch one today, I'll go mad.
0:51:09 > 0:51:12Boast about it loads. Go absolutely mental.
0:51:12 > 0:51:15This is the highlight of the whole weekend.
0:51:15 > 0:51:17The bun throwing, that is what we're here for.
0:51:17 > 0:51:20Last year, we came to try and catch a bun, didn't manage it.
0:51:20 > 0:51:23Royal wedding, big disaster for us. This year, we'll catch a bun.
0:51:23 > 0:51:29It's personal, it's vengeance and we're going to take that bun home. It will be a glorious moment.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32If I catch a bun, hopefully, I'll be the envy of everyone
0:51:32 > 0:51:35because I'll be amazing at catching buns.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37'This is it. Crowd or no,
0:51:37 > 0:51:41'a delivery of 7,000 buns means the stage is set.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44'On the rooftops, a lone pigeon scout
0:51:44 > 0:51:47'stands watchful for the oncoming barrage of crumbs.
0:51:47 > 0:51:52'In the streets, security guards carry giant oven grills for torturing Roundheads.
0:51:52 > 0:51:55'Just a few days ago, the town square looked like this.
0:51:55 > 0:51:59'Today, on the jubilee of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II,
0:51:59 > 0:52:01'1926 to unknown,
0:52:01 > 0:52:03'it looks like this.'
0:52:13 > 0:52:17This then is what makes Britain truly great.
0:52:17 > 0:52:20Yes, we have our Queen, long may she reign over us.
0:52:20 > 0:52:24And we have our pageantry and our parks and our great buildings.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27But, most of all, we have the capacity of the British people
0:52:27 > 0:52:31to stand in the pouring rain waiting to be pelted with a currant confectionery,
0:52:31 > 0:52:36the meaning of which is deeply buried in the Judeo-Christian tradition.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39People who, every five minutes, turn their eyes skywards and say,
0:52:39 > 0:52:42"Do you know what? I think it's brightening up."
0:52:44 > 0:52:49'On the roof, the Abingdon town council battalion readies its first assault.
0:52:51 > 0:52:53'The thousand-strong crowd means
0:52:53 > 0:52:56'that the small and weak are stuck at the back.'
0:53:04 > 0:53:07- The buns are in hand. - They're coming.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10'And then, without warning or battle cry,
0:53:10 > 0:53:12'the throwing begins.'
0:53:12 > 0:53:15CHEERING
0:53:20 > 0:53:25'It's a valiant attempt, but nowhere near enough.'
0:53:25 > 0:53:29'Even the council's most experienced bun handlers are fumbling their aim
0:53:29 > 0:53:32'and vast swathes of jubileers at the back aren't getting anything.
0:53:36 > 0:53:40'Time for the hot crossbow.'
0:53:40 > 0:53:43- Stand clear. - James, where are we going?
0:53:43 > 0:53:46- Right, down there. - Where?- To your left,
0:53:46 > 0:53:50there's a miserable-looking woman, hasn't got a single bun.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56Fire at will.
0:54:01 > 0:54:02Yeah!
0:54:02 > 0:54:04That got a cheer. Reload.
0:54:04 > 0:54:09'The hot crossbow dropped a bun benefit right into the hands of the needy.'
0:54:11 > 0:54:14He's desperate for a bun, that bloke.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16His head is like a skull, Simmy, you've got to get him.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18Yes, sir.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20- Got him? - Yeah.
0:54:20 > 0:54:24Wait for it, skull face. Here it comes. Fire.
0:54:27 > 0:54:32'It's a near miss. But with a crowd this huge, we can't afford to make mistakes.
0:54:32 > 0:54:37'And, as we feared, the hot crossbow is just taking too long to fire off single shots.'
0:54:39 > 0:54:42Sod it! Let's turn the mortar round and fire at that lot.
0:54:42 > 0:54:44- Ready!- Load the bunderbuss.
0:54:44 > 0:54:48'As Simmy readies the bunderbuss mortar, I pull out
0:54:48 > 0:54:53'our special bun ammunition, printed with the faces of the entire royal succession.'
0:54:53 > 0:54:55Prince Charles.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58'And, as it's her jubilee, a few extra queens.'
0:54:58 > 0:55:01Harry, right down the barrel.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03Building pressure.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05- Say when.- Fire!
0:55:05 > 0:55:07Wey-hey!
0:55:07 > 0:55:10- Catch it!- Oh!
0:55:10 > 0:55:14I got one!
0:55:15 > 0:55:17Browns in the spout.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20'This is more like it. The bunderbuss is firing off
0:55:20 > 0:55:23a baker's dozen once every 15 seconds.'
0:55:24 > 0:55:29- Lower elevation. We might get those people in the window on the opposite side of the square.- Fantastic.
0:55:29 > 0:55:33Fire! Fire! Fire!
0:55:33 > 0:55:36Rory, find us some starving urchins.
0:55:36 > 0:55:37'They'll do.'
0:55:37 > 0:55:40Breech closed. Pressure. Loaded.
0:55:40 > 0:55:43Stand clear. Fire in the hole!
0:55:45 > 0:55:47Spot on.
0:55:48 > 0:55:51You got one. You got one.
0:55:52 > 0:55:54You got the bun.
0:55:55 > 0:55:57'But like a hot cross hydra,
0:55:57 > 0:56:01'for every satisfied bun gobbler we fire at,
0:56:01 > 0:56:03'another ten crop up in their place.
0:56:03 > 0:56:06'The mortar is doing its best but like a plague
0:56:06 > 0:56:10'of royalist currant-loving zombies, the siege keeps coming.
0:56:10 > 0:56:13'Time to wheel out the big gun.'
0:56:13 > 0:56:17We've had the bunderbuss, we've had the hot crossbow.
0:56:17 > 0:56:22Would you please welcome Sim's secret weapon, the machine bun.
0:56:22 > 0:56:27'Yes, Simmy has created the ultimate advancement in bakery ballistics.
0:56:27 > 0:56:29'Slamming together a drainpipe, steel frame
0:56:29 > 0:56:32'and a backpack-mounted leaf blower, before carrying it
0:56:32 > 0:56:36'very carefully up the 108 antique wooden town hall steps to the roof.
0:56:36 > 0:56:40'Taking care not to chip the paintwork. This is war.'
0:56:40 > 0:56:42Cheers for the weapon!
0:56:42 > 0:56:44Left a bit, left a bit, left a bit.
0:56:44 > 0:56:46You have to hold it.
0:56:46 > 0:56:49'Right. Take this.'
0:56:49 > 0:56:51Bun in!
0:56:51 > 0:56:54MUSIC: "God Save The Queen"
0:57:17 > 0:57:19That's it!
0:57:19 > 0:57:21Are we out of buns?
0:57:21 > 0:57:23I'm out!
0:57:24 > 0:57:29'Sim is like a messiah. With just 7,000 buns,
0:57:29 > 0:57:31'he seems to have fed 5,000 people.
0:57:31 > 0:57:34'But had it worked?'
0:57:34 > 0:57:36- Yes, we've got buns. - I've got a bun.
0:57:36 > 0:57:39I got, I think, three normal buns.
0:57:39 > 0:57:44And one Prince, whatever his name, Prince Andrew I caught.
0:57:44 > 0:57:47We caught quite a few buns today.
0:57:47 > 0:57:52Glorious moment. Worth standing in the rain for that.
0:57:53 > 0:57:58A glittering memorable day, full of golden memories of glory.
0:57:58 > 0:58:0260 years on the throne. 7,000 buns.
0:58:02 > 0:58:05And the people of Abingdon have eaten.
0:58:05 > 0:58:09What more could this great nation ask for?
0:58:13 > 0:58:17Well, I thought that was a triumphant edition of Man Lab.
0:58:17 > 0:58:21We've conquered time, we've broken down the great European language barrier
0:58:21 > 0:58:24and we fed the starving of Oxfordshire.
0:58:24 > 0:58:28So it seems only right that we have a triumphant bell ending.
0:58:28 > 0:58:31Here to play us out with Theme From Man Lab,
0:58:31 > 0:58:36it's the Stone Handbell Ringers. Goodbye.
0:58:38 > 0:58:41THEY PLAY THE MAN LAB THEME MUSIC
0:58:49 > 0:58:52Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd