0:00:09 > 0:00:12My father had been a regimental Sergeant Major.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16To his men, he'd appeared ordered and disciplined.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20But at home, it was very different.
0:00:20 > 0:00:25Behind our closed door, my father was an angry and frustrated man
0:00:25 > 0:00:28who couldn't control his temper.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33As a child, I witnessed his repeated violence against my mother.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Domestic violence is still a huge issue today,
0:00:37 > 0:00:39and the statistics are truly shocking.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44Two women a week are killed by a current or former partner.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47'In 2008, following years of abuse
0:00:47 > 0:00:51'and domestic violence from her estranged husband,
0:00:51 > 0:00:56'Cassie began to petition for sole custody of their two children.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59'As the legal proceedings went on, he became increasingly threatening.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05'I've come to meet her mother, Sharon, to ask her about the morning
0:01:05 > 0:01:09'she was taking Cassie and her children to the safety of a refuge.'
0:01:09 > 0:01:11What was it that happened?
0:01:11 > 0:01:15She said to me, "Mum, drive! Quickly - drive!"
0:01:15 > 0:01:19And I said, "I'm trying to get the car started."
0:01:19 > 0:01:23And she said, "It's him."
0:01:23 > 0:01:26And then I could see him coming towards the car.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30But the way he was coming towards the car, I just remember thinking,
0:01:30 > 0:01:34"Oh, my God", you know, "he's not coming here to talk".
0:01:34 > 0:01:37'He pulled Cassie out of the car and killed her.'
0:01:38 > 0:01:44- And both children had seen all of this happen?- Yes.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Yep - they did. And, er...
0:01:48 > 0:01:54..I thought, how do you tell them Mummy's never coming back?
0:01:57 > 0:02:01'Domestic violence does not always grab the headlines.
0:02:01 > 0:02:07'At an unseen level, it is sadly very common.'
0:02:07 > 0:02:12One in four women will experience some form of domestic violence in their lives.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14I'm now a patron of Refuge,
0:02:14 > 0:02:19the national charity that helps women and children experiencing domestic violence
0:02:19 > 0:02:25find safety and support and rebuild their lives.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30'This woman didn't want to be identified. We'll call her Jane.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34'An actress will tell her story and other features have been changed.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38'Jane met her husband in 1983.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40'They had three children,
0:02:40 > 0:02:44'but the relationship was marked with violence for over ten years.'
0:02:44 > 0:02:47His aggression would be more outbursts -
0:02:47 > 0:02:49it was like throwing things at us, or grabbing.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51'As well as violence,
0:02:51 > 0:02:56'her husband inflicted mental cruelty on Jane and her children.'
0:02:56 > 0:02:58If you want to go out the door, he'd block the door,
0:02:58 > 0:03:01and say, "You're not going out of this house".
0:03:01 > 0:03:04He'd control me. It was like treading on eggshells.
0:03:04 > 0:03:09'Jane felt scared in her own home, with no opportunity to get away.'
0:03:12 > 0:03:14For many women,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17the only way to escape the violence is to leave home,
0:03:17 > 0:03:19often at very short notice.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23It comes as no surprise to me that domestic violence
0:03:23 > 0:03:26is the leading cause of homelessness among women.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29But Refuge is there to try to change that.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32The charity operates a growing national network
0:03:32 > 0:03:35of 45 refuges around the country,
0:03:35 > 0:03:39giving these vulnerable women a safe place to stay.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43'Anna has run a refuge for the last year.'
0:03:45 > 0:03:48I'm calling to let you know that I've spoken to my colleagues
0:03:48 > 0:03:52and it's going to be OK for you to come into the refuge today.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54'During Anna's time with the charity,
0:03:54 > 0:03:58'108 women and children have stayed at her refuge.'
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I think the refuge means safety,
0:04:01 > 0:04:05a place where they can start to process what's happened to them.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08If you're feeling worried about anything,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11don't be afraid to ask them for help.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13For the time that they're in the refuge,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15as far as possible for that woman, it's going to be a home.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17She can start rebuilding her own life
0:04:17 > 0:04:21and getting back in touch with the person she really is.
0:04:22 > 0:04:27All too often, domestic violence occurs in families with children.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31As a child, I became expert at knowing the exact moment
0:04:31 > 0:04:35when the yelling would stop and the violence begin.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38The exact moment when I should time my move to put myself
0:04:38 > 0:04:43between my father's fists and my mother's body.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46A skill no child should learn to acquire.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Yet today, there are thousands of children across the country
0:04:49 > 0:04:52who are living with that daily fear.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57'Jane had experienced many years of abuse from her husband.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00'The final straw was when she came home
0:05:00 > 0:05:03'and heard one of her children crying.'
0:05:03 > 0:05:06When I came through the door, she was saying, "Mummy, Mummy!"
0:05:06 > 0:05:10And then I saw my husband with my eldest daughter,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12bashing her head against the wall.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17'The police put Jane in touch with Refuge,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19'who referred her to a specialist support worker.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23'This advocate, who also needs to remain anonymous,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26'offered support and guidance to Jane as she went through
0:05:26 > 0:05:30'the legal system to protect herself and her children.'
0:05:30 > 0:05:33When you give evidence, we can arrange for a screen to be put
0:05:33 > 0:05:37round you, so that when you go into court, you won't actually see him.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40The advocate would be on the phone to me regularly, to tell me
0:05:40 > 0:05:42and advise me on what would be happening.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44It put my mind at rest.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48'With the support of her Refuge advocate,
0:05:48 > 0:05:51'Jane saw her husband convicted, and a restraining order taken out
0:05:51 > 0:05:54'to prevent him coming near her and her children.'
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Refuge have changed my life, because they're making it more...
0:05:58 > 0:06:00There's more positivity.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I think no matter what age you are,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04it's never too late to come out of it.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08'The demand for Refuge's services is huge.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12'On any given day, the charity helps 1,600 women and children.'
0:06:12 > 0:06:16I'll talk you through how to get here.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20You do start to see the change from when they were visibly scared,
0:06:20 > 0:06:23scared of what they'd come from, but also of what they were going into,
0:06:23 > 0:06:27and that changes. They're more able to focus on the future.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30To be able to see the difference it's making in their lives
0:06:30 > 0:06:32is a great feeling to have.
0:06:35 > 0:06:41'For around 100 women a year, there is no happy ending.
0:06:41 > 0:06:46'Cassie's estranged husband was sentenced to life imprisonment.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50'Refuge works to support those affected by murder,
0:06:50 > 0:06:51'like Cassie's mother, Sharon.'
0:06:53 > 0:06:59Why did you agree to talk to me on behalf of Refuge?
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Because I think it's important that people realise,
0:07:03 > 0:07:05it can happen to anyone.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09But there is help out there. You're not alone.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13And I think it's important to, um...to share that.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Sharon, thank you.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20On behalf of all those women.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Thank you.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I find it hard to express
0:07:25 > 0:07:31how sad and angry it makes me to think that we still cannot ensure
0:07:31 > 0:07:35the safety of women and children in their own homes.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39Refuge is working hard towards that goal,
0:07:39 > 0:07:43but the demand on their services goes beyond what they can provide.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46To be able to support the hundreds of women
0:07:46 > 0:07:49and children who turn to them every day,
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Refuge needs your help.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Please, donate by going to the website...
0:07:58 > 0:08:04Or if you don't have access to the internet, call 0800 011 011.
0:08:04 > 0:08:09If the lines are busy, please, PLEASE, keep trying.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Calls are free from most landlines.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Some networks and mobile operators will charge for these calls.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Or if you'd like to post a donation,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21please make your cheque payable to Refuge and send it to...
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Remember, if you're a UK taxpayer,
0:08:25 > 0:08:30the charity can collect Gift Aid on your donation, worth another 25%.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Just send in a note to say you want your donation to be subject
0:08:33 > 0:08:38to Gift Aid and include the date, your full name and address.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Thank you.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd