0:00:02 > 0:00:06- Don't Tell The Bride celebrates weddings like no-one else. - Congratulations.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10- From New York...- Ohh! - ..to Glasgow...- Oh, my God!
0:00:11 > 0:00:15- Las Vegas... - Why would the man I love do this?
0:00:15 > 0:00:19- ..to Ibiza.- I can't even plan a wedding for her.
0:00:19 > 0:00:24- And one unforgettable roller-coaster ride.- Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?
0:00:24 > 0:00:30And now we're back as 12 more unsuspecting brides prepare for the journey of a lifetime.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33No freaking way!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36The grooms get three weeks and £12,000.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44- And the brides get no say in how it's spent.- I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and I can't.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48- So get ready to rock... - I don't even want you at my wedding.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- ..as the party reaches new heights... - HE LAUGHS
0:00:51 > 0:00:54..and sinks to new lows
0:00:54 > 0:00:57with more fairy-tale endings than ever before.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Is this it? Is this all I get?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Tonight, prison officer Noel...
0:01:02 > 0:01:06- We'll smash this! - ..plans the big day for his long-suffering bride to be.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10It's the only day of my life I'm not covered in baby sick!
0:01:10 > 0:01:16- While Jemma dreams of a picturesque local wedding...- I just don't want it to be miles and miles away.
0:01:16 > 0:01:22- ..Noel's thinking further afield. - The only time Jemma's had a surprise off me was when she got pregnant.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26- So can a groom who wants to be romantic...- Get me some toilet roll!
0:01:26 > 0:01:29..but who struggles at every turn...
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Have you got a door key? We're locked out of the house.
0:01:32 > 0:01:37..satisfy a bride desperate to be treated like a princess?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40We spent more on booze in one night than on the wedding dress.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- Can this hapless groom...- 1521. - Your budget's gone.- What?
0:01:44 > 0:01:48- ..give this hard-working bride... - SCREAMS
0:01:48 > 0:01:50It's hard.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- ..the day of her dreams? - Only another 1,000 miles to go!
0:01:53 > 0:01:59- Or will his romantic Magaluf wedding...- We're not out here for the drink.- ..be a foreign failure?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Can you see that it's not that bad?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06No, I can see that it's pretty horrendous, in all honesty.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10This programme contains some strong language.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Lancashire lovers Noel and Jemma didn't meet in a bar.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25They met behind bars. The couple both work in the same prison.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27What I love about Jemma
0:02:27 > 0:02:29is her personality.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33That's what you say when someone's mingin'.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Her bubbly personality. She's very bubbly.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41And two years ago, these jailbirds became lovebirds on a prison night out.
0:02:41 > 0:02:47I asked Jemma if she was going. Jemma said, "Are you going?" Then I said, "Only if you're going."
0:02:47 > 0:02:51So it was like, yeah, like, "Ohhhh, yeah?"
0:02:51 > 0:02:52# Bounce! #
0:02:52 > 0:02:57He may be a tough guy at work, but at home Noel is just a big kid.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02Noel's quite a mental, loud, in-your-face person.
0:03:02 > 0:03:07I'm free and easy. I like to have a laugh. I don't take life seriously.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14And Noel's bumbling behaviour leaves prison teacher Jemma to clean up after him.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Jem!- What?- Have you seen my wallet?
0:03:17 > 0:03:21He is really forgetful, unorganised.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25He forgets where his wallet is, he forgets what days he's in work.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28I do pretty much everything.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I don't think Noel's ever organised anything on his own.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Let me have a think. Hang on. There must be something.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Nope, can't think of a thing.
0:03:37 > 0:03:43- You've not moved this wallet? - I've no idea where it is. I'm fed up of you forgetting where things are!
0:03:43 > 0:03:47I get quite a lot of stick saying, "How do you put up with him?"
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Like I'm some kind of dog that's weed on the sofa!
0:03:51 > 0:03:56But Noel isn't the only kid in the family. The couple are parents to 19-month-old Heidi.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00'Heidi is absolutely fantastic. She's the funniest thing ever.'
0:04:00 > 0:04:04But falling pregnant nine months into their relationship took its toll.
0:04:04 > 0:04:11It was that kind of new bit in a relationship where it's meant to be all shiny and nice
0:04:11 > 0:04:17when the reality was I was puking my guts up at, like, 12 weeks
0:04:17 > 0:04:19and got fat.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23That kind of cut short our time to be just me and you.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28Trying to keep the romance alive, the couple jetted off for a break in the sun.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33The only holiday we've ever had together, it was in Majorca,
0:04:33 > 0:04:38and she was 12 weeks' pregnant, and it was morning sickness hell.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42I couldn't eat anything. Everything just made me feel like vomiting.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45On the beach, she was sick. I was digging holes to bury her sick.
0:04:45 > 0:04:51"I'm going to be sick!" Digging a hole like a dog, "You can be sick in that," then covering it up.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56So it was a bit of a bummer, really. We didn't... It wasn't really a holiday.
0:04:56 > 0:05:02So the holiday was a disaster, but Noel could at least make up for it with a romantic proposal.
0:05:02 > 0:05:08When you're a teenager, obviously, you think, "Oh, God, some day I'm going to be swept off my feet
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- "by a lovely man..."- You was. - "..who wants to give me the world."
0:05:12 > 0:05:18You asked me to marry you on a horrible, crappy day in Bolton whilst I was driving.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22It's up there with one of the worst proposals in the world ever.
0:05:22 > 0:05:29Yeah, despite his best efforts, romance just doesn't come easily to no-frills Noel.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32No, you're not very romantic, are you?
0:05:32 > 0:05:36There's no grand gesture. If we're going for a walk in the park,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39we'll be holding hands one minute, then he'll be up a tree the next.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Will you do me a favour? Will you help me down?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46I'm not romantic in the slightest, which is rather worrying.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50But for her wedding day, Jemma hopes to be finally swept off her feet.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55I literally do everything, and you think, for one day,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I want him to show me that he can be romantic.
0:05:58 > 0:06:05If it was like in a stately home, on a lawn, having Pimm's and my friends being there,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08it's more important than anything.
0:06:08 > 0:06:14- And Noel is desperate to do just that with his own brand of romance. - Will you get me some toilet roll?
0:06:14 > 0:06:21When me and Jem went on our first holiday, it was absolutely rubbish, so I want to get married in Magaluf.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Jemma has no idea of his plan.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Can Noel prove he can organise a grown-up wedding without her?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Agh! - 'This is the biggest gamble ever.'
0:06:32 > 0:06:37It's like wedding Jenga. If you pull the wrong block out, it'll collapse.
0:06:37 > 0:06:43- Don't let me down.- I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best. - LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:51- So are you going to be good? Will you do me proud?- I'll do you proud.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54It's time for Jemma to pack her bags.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58It will be the first time in their relationship that Noel has organised anything.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- I love you.- I love you more than anything.- Hello!- I will try my best.
0:07:02 > 0:07:08- And everything will be all right in the end with a bit of luck.- Noel... - LAUGHTER
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Don't say this to me.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14- It's not what I want to hear, but thanks.- You're welcome.
0:07:14 > 0:07:19- Are we going?- No.- No... - We have to go, babe.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23With no contact for three weeks, the next time they see each other
0:07:23 > 0:07:27will be on the most important day of their lives.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28Be good.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31See you later on, baby.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- I love you. Bye.- Bye-bye. - HORN TOOTS
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- Let the fun commence! - HE LAUGHS
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Have you got a door key?
0:07:44 > 0:07:49Oh, shine the light! She's got the only door key and she's shut the door, hasn't she?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51What's all that about?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Oh, no!
0:07:53 > 0:07:59A struggle with the front door doesn't bode well for a man trusted with a whole wedding.
0:07:59 > 0:08:04- I can't get in. We're locked out of the house.- Time for an SOS call to the best man.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07You've got to go for the key.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Yeah? We'll just go and get drunk. We don't need a house.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13You know what? She might have left the back door open.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17I cannot believe this. In the rain as well.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21A-ha!
0:08:21 > 0:08:27She's gone now for three weeks. I locked myself out the house. That's taking care of yourself, innit?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31How do you do that?
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Oblivious to Noel's front door faux pas and with a sleepy Heidi in tow,
0:08:35 > 0:08:40Jemma has arrived at her sister Sam's where she'll spend the next three weeks.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- Hello. Can I come in? - Of course you can.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48With Noel in charge of the whole wedding, Sam is worried how her sister will cope.
0:08:48 > 0:08:54Do you feel a bit like you wish you hadn't done it now? I feel a bit like I wish you hadn't done it!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56No, because I just...
0:08:56 > 0:09:00I feel... I want him to show me that he can plan stuff
0:09:00 > 0:09:05because I literally do everything down to the last detail and it's quite tiresome.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I hope he doesn't let you down.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10So do I. Aaaagh!
0:09:12 > 0:09:16To help Noel prove he can plan Jemma's big day,
0:09:16 > 0:09:21fellow prison officer and best man Mike arrives to offer support, guidance and vodka.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Absolutely mental.- What's the plan?
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- We are going to live the dream. - A big three weeks.- First, mate...
0:09:28 > 0:09:34- Go on.- I've got to tell you what we're doing. Wait there.- It worries me when you say things like that.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38# Agadoo doo doo
0:09:38 > 0:09:42# Push pineapple, shake the tree Agadoo doo doo
0:09:42 > 0:09:45# Push pineapple, grind coffee... #
0:09:45 > 0:09:47LAUGHTER
0:09:47 > 0:09:50All right, that's enough. I don't love you that much.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Three weeks is quite a long time to sort everything out.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58I know it's not, but it is, as long as we get on it.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- Did God make the world in a week? - He did it in a day, didn't he?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06He did it pretty quick.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11The next morning, Noel is praying for a miracle of his own...
0:10:11 > 0:10:13The time is to sort this out.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17..as he starts planning his big, romantic Magaluf wedding...
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Ready? That's what we're doing.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- ..all over Jemma's walls. - We're going to Magaluf.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27So we'll need jet skis, Speedos. We'll need them.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Think of everything else you need. Bride...
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Oh, no, I've spelt that wrong!
0:10:32 > 0:10:35LAUGHTER How can you spell "bride" wrong?
0:10:35 > 0:10:41- There we go.- I know you've been there on holiday, but that kind of image Magaluf's got,
0:10:41 > 0:10:45what is Jemma going to think about having her special day in Magaluf?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I think she'll love it because it's like a holiday, but nice.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- We'll make it nice with nice things like flowers and things.- Simple.
0:10:52 > 0:10:58Sounds easy when you say it like that. Get all these people over to Magaluf, get married, done!
0:10:58 > 0:11:02The more I think about this, the more I think we'll smash this!
0:11:02 > 0:11:05The boys' first job - booking flights for 24 friends and family
0:11:05 > 0:11:08to fly out to Magaluf in three weeks' time.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Seven thousand pounds?!
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- For flights.- That gives you five grand for your wedding.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Hotels as well.
0:11:18 > 0:11:24And with the click of a mouse, Noel spends over half his budget on flights for his guests.
0:11:24 > 0:11:29But the boys still need to get their own flights to Magaluf to find a venue.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- 347, flight only?- What?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- £817 total?- Hang on, what's this? Stop, non-stop?
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- One stop.- One stop.- Hamburg... - What?- And then Zurich.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41That's 16 hours' flying from Magaluf!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43No, it's not. No, it's...
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Oh, it is!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- Yeah.- 15 hours?!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- MIKE LAUGHS - 15 hours?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Mate, you may as well drive it.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Caution, wind...
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- I'm up for it!- Road trip!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59LAUGHTER
0:12:00 > 0:12:05So, to save money, they decide to drive the 3,000-mile round trip to Magaluf.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12When you look at it like that, you're thinking, "You've got to drive 3,000 miles."
0:12:12 > 0:12:16Bonkers! That's all that springs to mind. Absolute bonkers.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19We'll get there.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Let's hope so. They've given themselves just four days in Magaluf
0:12:23 > 0:12:28to find a wedding venue, a reception venue, catering and accommodation.
0:12:28 > 0:12:33We've got to set off from here, straight to Dover, across to Calais,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36straight through past Amiens, past...into Paris,
0:12:36 > 0:12:40then we're going to go to Perpignan, I think it's pronounced...
0:12:40 > 0:12:42If they ever make it out of Wigan!
0:12:42 > 0:12:45How the frig do we fold this back up?
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Mate, they're impossible. No, that doesn't fold that way.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Sure. Oh, shit!
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Hang on a minute, watch this here. I'm on it. Look, watch, I'm on it.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00If I do this now, how much are you going to give me?
0:13:00 > 0:13:05Ohh! "They're impossible to do." Do you know what this means?
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- We're going to smash this!- Costing us time here. Get in.- Anyway, go!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12The job is a good one.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- Have I got my wallet? Have I got my wallet?- I've got mine.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19You must have your wallet.
0:13:20 > 0:13:25- I told you it'd be in there. - Oh, shine the light! The wallet.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Sorted.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- Magaluf!- Magaluf!
0:13:32 > 0:13:37Eventually, the boys set off on an epic road trip,
0:13:37 > 0:13:39all to save a few hundred quid.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44You're scrimping and saving to make Jemma's day even more special.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49To make my little princess's day the best I can possibly make it.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Totally unaware of Noel's Magaluf marathon,
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Jemma's bridesmaids are taking her on a girly night out to unwind.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02You're the bravest person I know to let Noel do this for you.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05You must really, really love him! LAUGHTER
0:14:05 > 0:14:10It's not a matter of... I do really love him, obviously. Otherwise...
0:14:10 > 0:14:13But I think it's more of an experiment.
0:14:13 > 0:14:21It is, though, because I want him to show me that he can plan things for once in his life.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Although he is a bit..."whoo",
0:14:24 > 0:14:26he's lovely
0:14:26 > 0:14:31and I don't think that he'd do anything...bad or nasty.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34LAUGHTER
0:14:34 > 0:14:41If I knew that Noel was organising my wedding, I would be petrified.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Only because he is off his head.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47She should be ready for the unexpected.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- Welcome to...- France.- Bonjour!
0:14:52 > 0:14:56And after 12 hours, the boys have made it...to Paris.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- If I did this...- I'd even consider it if you asked me here.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Hey, don't tell the bride I've just married the best man!
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Finally, 45 hours, 1,500 miles and several litres of caffeine later,
0:15:18 > 0:15:22they arrive in Magaluf on the Spanish island of Majorca.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27This car smells funky.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Totting up the cost of petrol, tolls and ferries,
0:15:31 > 0:15:34it's time to see just how much of the budget they've saved.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- It's cost us £400 more. - MIKE LAUGHS
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Listen, we've got to book all the hotels for the folk who...
0:15:41 > 0:15:46- We've not got one for tonight, never mind for the wedding guests. - We're sleeping in the car.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- We'll sleep in the car for a week. - Nice one. I'm up for that.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58Back in Wigan, Jemma has come to see her dream reception venue,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00along with sister Sam and bridesmaid Bec.
0:16:00 > 0:16:0618th century Haigh Hall is stylish, elegant and only ten minutes from home.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Wow!
0:16:09 > 0:16:15- Can you imagine walking down here? - Imagine you and Noel stood there getting your pictures taken!
0:16:15 > 0:16:19- This just epitomises...- Your perfect day, everything that you want.- Yeah.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22With its grand rooms and classic decor,
0:16:22 > 0:16:26it's got that touch of sophistication that Jemma dreams of.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- Oh!- Oh, my word!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Oh, look, it's all... Aw!
0:16:31 > 0:16:35It's really romantic and girly, just perfect.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38All new and sparkly, "weddingy".
0:16:38 > 0:16:42And this classic English venue is exactly what Jemma wants.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46If you think now how peaceful it is...
0:16:46 > 0:16:52It feels almost hidden out of the way, so quite personal, even though it's quite a grand building.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56If you got married here, you'd feel you weren't being watched by anyone.
0:16:56 > 0:17:03It's just you and your family and friends together in just a really peaceful, quiet setting.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06So Jemma's thinking peace and quiet...
0:17:06 > 0:17:10But Noel's got his heart set on the Magaluf strip,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Majorca's party central for boozed-up Brits abroad.
0:17:15 > 0:17:21He is starting the search for the perfect venue where he and Jemma had their disastrous holiday -
0:17:21 > 0:17:25smack bang in the heart of Magaluf, Lineker's Sports Bar.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- I wonder if you could help us?- Sure. - We're looking for a venue for a wedding.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- Could we have a look round this place?- Yeah, that's a great idea.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38With its giant screens and English pub decor,
0:17:38 > 0:17:43it's a million miles away from Gemma's dream of a grand country house.
0:17:43 > 0:17:451,500 miles away to be precise!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Look at it here. I tell you what, mate.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51No, no, no. There's a pole as well.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55- Oh, no...- Hmm, not really feeling the romance!
0:17:55 > 0:17:59No chance of my doing that again. I just took all the skin off my leg.
0:17:59 > 0:18:04Pulled all my little hairs out. They hurt even more than big ones. It's just when I see a pole...
0:18:04 > 0:18:08You want it sophisticated, quiet, elegant...
0:18:08 > 0:18:14- It's just kind of so close to home, but doesn't feel it.- No. - That's what you want, isn't it?
0:18:14 > 0:18:20I think it is important for all the friends and family to be there, otherwise it's a bit rubbish.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24I just don't like the idea of it being miles and miles away,
0:18:24 > 0:18:28- so it would make sense for it to be...- To be here.- Hmm.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30But would it make sense to Noel?
0:18:30 > 0:18:34- We've got a DJ.- Yeah. - We've got toilets.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38And look at that down there. That's awesome, isn't it?
0:18:38 > 0:18:43- Let's hope Jemma agrees.- This really does tick every single box.
0:18:43 > 0:18:48- There's no part where you think, "A little bit dodgy."- No.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Just everything.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55If I could give Noel some advice, I would say, "Be really careful about what you're doing
0:18:55 > 0:19:00"because it could potentially go very, very wrong for you."
0:19:00 > 0:19:02We'll see.
0:19:02 > 0:19:08Can I just say one thing? We absolutely love the venue. We really, really, really want it.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- 2,000 euros, OK.- Definitely?
0:19:11 > 0:19:15That's 1,700 quid for a reception in a sports bar in Magaluf.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19A wedding, we've booked a wedding... A wedding venue.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22I've never surprised Jemma with anything romantic.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26The only time Jemma had a surprise off me was when she got pregnant.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30And now the second one is she's getting married in Lineker's Bar.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33The job's a good 'un. It'll be absolutely mental.
0:19:34 > 0:19:40And Noel's not finished there. He has spotted the ideal catering solution right across the street -
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Daiquiri Palace.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45That distance is nothing.
0:19:45 > 0:19:51Gemma wants traditional. Well, this place has been selling kebabs in Magaluf for over 25 years!
0:19:51 > 0:19:56Would we order, like, 20 pizzas or 20 burgers, or how would we do that?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59We can do pizzas on 23-inch trays.
0:19:59 > 0:20:05You do three of them, all different toppings, cut into pieces, so everyone can help themselves,
0:20:05 > 0:20:09then you can get maybe ten burgers, ten chicken burgers, chicken wings, onion rings.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Kind of a buffet, but not a buffet.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Sounds good, sounds good.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17- Does it?- Nice one. Thanks very much.
0:20:17 > 0:20:23And at just 150 quid, it's a done deal on a burger, kebab and onion ring buffet for Jemma and 24 guests.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- That'll be the best buffet ever. - Exactly.
0:20:27 > 0:20:32Thinking outside the box, innit? No-one else would have thought of getting them to do the catering.
0:20:32 > 0:20:38I can't think why! So this time around, Noel has planned a very different trip to Magaluf.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Let's hope Jemma can see the romantic side.
0:20:44 > 0:20:50And back in Wigan, being apart from Noel is starting to take its toll on Jemma.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53It's just hard. We've had, um...
0:20:53 > 0:20:59a couple of nights away from each other, but this is kind of the hard...the longest.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- SOBBING - Yeah, it is hard.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Just because I suppose he's my best friend really
0:21:07 > 0:21:11and I think he's that one person you can go to and say anything.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16He means everything to me.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20I just think if I can just get on and get to the end of it
0:21:20 > 0:21:23and hopefully, he's... it'll be worth it.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28I just hope he's not having too much fun without me.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Noel having fun? In Magaluf? Never(!)
0:21:44 > 0:21:48We're not even out here for the drink!
0:21:48 > 0:21:51The drink is the last thing on our minds.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53We're doing it because I love Jem.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56I love Jem to death.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Aw, look, he's lovesick(!)
0:22:05 > 0:22:12And saving precious cash to spend on his sweetheart, it's bedtime in their cut-price hotel.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24Jemma's set her heart on a local wedding surrounded by her loved ones,
0:22:24 > 0:22:28so she's visiting the family church with mum Maureen and sister Sam.
0:22:28 > 0:22:33- That brings back so many nice memories, that, doesn't it? - Little Heidi waving.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36It's the church where daughter Heidi was christened,
0:22:36 > 0:22:41something that Jemma hopes Noel bears in mind for the big day.
0:22:41 > 0:22:47I just think it would be really nice to be able to tell Heidi that your mum and dad got married here
0:22:47 > 0:22:49and that's where you got christened.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54If he sent me 100 miles away, it'd just be a bit like, "Why would you do that?"
0:22:54 > 0:22:58I just think it should be somewhere local, everyone can just come,
0:22:58 > 0:23:02no pressure for them to stay anywhere and spend a fortune at the end of the day.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09But Noel's not 100 miles away.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12He's 1,500 miles away,
0:23:12 > 0:23:18heading off in his hotel in search of a romantic beach venue for the ceremony.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23Noel plans to have a blessing outdoors before the reception at Lineker's.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28The marriage will then need to be legalised at a licensed venue back in the UK.
0:23:28 > 0:23:34- We're going to go to Cala Vinyes. - Where's that?- I don't know. It just sounded nice. To find a beach spot
0:23:34 > 0:23:35to do our blessing on.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38It's got to be dead romantic and nice.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44And nothing says romance like a soggy, wet beach.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Oh, yes, look at that. Look at that!
0:23:47 > 0:23:51The boys travelled hundreds of miles for guaranteed sunshine,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55but even the rain can't dampen Noel's enthusiasm.
0:23:55 > 0:24:01Imagine this with sun, mate! This is perfect, mate. I am worried about the rain and it being outside.
0:24:01 > 0:24:07- This is what time we would be having it, isn't it?- Yeah. - And pictures here like this, look.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09With the island in the background.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13If we didn't come here, I'd be a bit like, "OK, what's he picked?"
0:24:13 > 0:24:18I would hope he would know me well enough to know that I like peace and quiet,
0:24:18 > 0:24:23I like a nice, chilled atmosphere which you don't get often with Noel.
0:24:23 > 0:24:28I don't know what she'd be expecting as a wedding day at all, but it's ace, innit?
0:24:28 > 0:24:32We've found a wedding venue. We'll actually be married here.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Job well done.
0:24:34 > 0:24:39So Jemma won't be getting married in the local church surrounded by all her loved ones.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42She'll be miles from home with 24 guests.
0:24:42 > 0:24:48And if that's not romantic enough, straight after, she's off to Lineker's for a kebab.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- I hope it's sunny. - I hope it is, mate.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Oh, my God...
0:24:57 > 0:25:02Unaware of Noel's plan, working mum Jemma has brought mum Maureen, sister Sam
0:25:02 > 0:25:06and her bridesmaids to find her dream dress fit for her special day.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11You don't want a huge skirt. Or do you?
0:25:11 > 0:25:16- I think I do want the big... - Really?- Who doesn't? I want to feel like a princess.
0:25:16 > 0:25:23It's the only day of my life that I'm not covered in baby sick and baby poo,
0:25:23 > 0:25:26so, yeah, of course, I want to feel absolutely amazing.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29He's going to prove us wrong, isn't he?
0:25:29 > 0:25:33I just want him to take control of some element of our life,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37so what better way than to plan the biggest day of my life?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Just think, if he does pull it off,
0:25:39 > 0:25:45I'll be like, "You can plan more things and take more control of your life.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47"Start making your own sandwiches."
0:25:47 > 0:25:50If he doesn't pull it off, then...
0:25:50 > 0:25:53He'll never live it down, will he? Ever.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03Back on the island, Noel's looking for the perfect wedding dress for Jemma.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05That is 50% off.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Look, feel how light that is.
0:26:08 > 0:26:13Noel has given it some thought and come up with a practical solution for a Magaluf wedding.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I know, if Jemma's stuck in a wedding dress
0:26:16 > 0:26:21in the blazing sun in Spain, red-hot, she will be peed off.
0:26:21 > 0:26:26This is for what we're doing, a wedding over in Spain, not over in England.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28While Noel wants practical,
0:26:28 > 0:26:34over in England, Jemma has found the traditional princess dress of her dreams.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37It's absolutely stunning, Jemma.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- Is it?- Yeah, it's stunning.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Look at my mum crying.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50- It's really flattering. It's lovely. - It's beautiful on you. Stunning.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54It just feels perfect. It's like a little princessy dress.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57He's got to buy you something like that.
0:26:57 > 0:27:04I just think anything that's not like this now, I'm just going to be really disappointed.
0:27:04 > 0:27:11I just hope that he finds something as suitable as that because she looks absolutely stunning.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14And I'd be...devastated.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I would.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Don't cry.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29That'll look all right. It'll look nice. It'll look nice.
0:27:29 > 0:27:35It looks nice anyway, but it'll look more "wedding nice", as in, "Nice, let's go to the beach."
0:27:35 > 0:27:41That's what we're doing, yeah? So that is what you would wear. This seems to be the one.
0:27:41 > 0:27:46He may be thinking practically, but Noel's skimpy sun dress is worlds away
0:27:46 > 0:27:50from the glamorous princess number that Jemma has her heart set on.
0:27:50 > 0:27:56On the bright side, at 49 euros, just 40 quid, it's good for the budget.
0:27:56 > 0:28:02Ciao! I've just realised we spent more on booze in one night than we just did on the wedding dress.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06It's the thought that counts and this took a lot of thinking about.
0:28:09 > 0:28:16Week two and Noel and best man Mike are back in Britain to pick up some wedding essentials.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19That's nice, that, innit? Will that last forever?
0:28:19 > 0:28:24- How much is that? 99?- Yeah. - Thank you very much.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Good, that, innit?
0:28:26 > 0:28:33- Another job done.- They also need to confirm a venue in Wigan to make the marriage legal after the blessing.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37And he's chosen another pub.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39So this is the lunch room.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43- I think it looks dead nice. - She'll love it.
0:28:43 > 0:28:48- It's 150 to have the ceremony here. - Deal.- Deal.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52Back at home, the boys finally find time to add up the budget.
0:28:52 > 0:28:57- 100, 1521... - And your budget's gone.- What?
0:28:57 > 0:29:00You've got 25 quid left.
0:29:03 > 0:29:09He's blown the budget in just two weeks and with hotels and bridesmaids' dresses to pay for...
0:29:09 > 0:29:14- Hello, Grandma?- ..Noel is forced to pick up the phone and start begging.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17Would it be possible to, er...
0:29:17 > 0:29:20get £500 off you?
0:29:20 > 0:29:25Thank you, Grandma. Love you. ..I think she thinks I've cocked up.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28The budget is not good reading.
0:29:28 > 0:29:34- Brian, I need something off you, big time. 800 quid.- 'He lacks planning skills, definitely.'
0:29:34 > 0:29:41Sometimes you need to do planning. Budget's one of them. You need to keep a tight grip on it.
0:29:41 > 0:29:47Thanks. Bye. Know what he's just said? "I can have it with you in the next hour."
0:29:47 > 0:29:51I'll be glad when we've got all the money off them people.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55With almost two grand borrowed from friends and family,
0:29:55 > 0:30:02now in the very safe hands of Mike and Noel, it's disaster averted. For now, anyway.
0:30:04 > 0:30:11It's time to find the bridesmaids' dresses, but Noel's heading to an unlikely place - Wigan market.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13That's only £13.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18These are what we need.
0:30:19 > 0:30:2116 quid.
0:30:21 > 0:30:25He's found a store that sells dresses, maybe not for bridesmaids,
0:30:25 > 0:30:29- but ones that suit his budget. - SCREAMS
0:30:29 > 0:30:34- - Where are we going?- To the market. - - The market? Seriously?
0:30:34 > 0:30:38- Seriously.- You don't get bridesmaid dresses from the market!
0:30:38 > 0:30:42Listen, a lot of places sell dresses.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45Unbeknownst to us, the market is one.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47Everyone take a deep breath.
0:30:49 > 0:30:50Right.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55Right. Listen to me. Stop here a minute.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58You lot stay there. An opinion.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01Shut...your face!
0:31:01 > 0:31:06- Genuinely?- Are you taking the piss? Do you want to make me cry?
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Genuinely. Look, look. Look at that.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13When you have that on, you'll look like a million dollars.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16- We will not be seen dead in that. - Why?- Why?!
0:31:16 > 0:31:22- Stay there.- I think I will actually kill him before we've left the shop. The market stall shop.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24Right, look.
0:31:25 > 0:31:30- Oh, my God!- Hang on a minute! Them ain't bad, them. Them are nice.
0:31:30 > 0:31:37- They're bridesmaid's dresses. - It's hideous. It's not a bridesmaid's dress, is it?
0:31:38 > 0:31:41It's...it's...it's a dress...
0:31:41 > 0:31:44to be worn by bridesmaids.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46That looks nice.
0:31:46 > 0:31:52It ain't short. It's good, that. Come here. With heels on, a pair of heels...
0:31:52 > 0:31:56That's nice. Genuinely, that's nice. That's a nice dress. Trust me.
0:31:56 > 0:32:03With the girls close to mutiny, bridesmaids Bec and Liz won't even try on Noel's choice of dress.
0:32:03 > 0:32:08I think I just need to opt out. It won't fit me. It's make me look massive.
0:32:08 > 0:32:13The thing is, you think that would make you look fat. It wouldn't.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Genuinely.
0:32:15 > 0:32:20- You're definitely having these?- Yes. - 'They're not bridesmaids' dresses.'
0:32:20 > 0:32:24I wanted to be a bridesmaid for her because she was my bridesmaid.
0:32:24 > 0:32:29But Jemma's going to hate it. It's a joke.
0:32:29 > 0:32:33Undeterred, Noel spends £90 on seven dresses.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37- It's been an absolute pleasure. Come here. Thanks.- Have a nice day.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41I just hope he's paid more attention to her dress.
0:32:41 > 0:32:45If he's all togged out in Armani and we all look like tramps,
0:32:45 > 0:32:51there will be hell to pay. We'll have a seven-strong army ready to absolutely kill him.
0:32:55 > 0:32:58The next morning, with the bridesmaids still unhappy,
0:32:58 > 0:33:03Sam's left to deliver some bad news to a worried Jemma.
0:33:03 > 0:33:08- Why are you looking like that? - Because I wanted to talk to you...
0:33:08 > 0:33:12about getting your permission to speak to Noel.
0:33:12 > 0:33:17OK... Will you just spit it out? Cos you're annoying me now. Go on.
0:33:17 > 0:33:22- What?- OK, so we went bridesmaid dress shopping.
0:33:22 > 0:33:27As it stands at the minute, with what Noel's chosen, you've lost your bridesmaids.
0:33:27 > 0:33:32- What do you mean?- Two of them won't wear the dresses he's picked.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34Is it that bad?
0:33:34 > 0:33:37- Wigan market. - Are you having a laugh?!
0:33:37 > 0:33:42- What stalls at Wigan market sell bridesmaid dresses?!- None.
0:33:42 > 0:33:48- I feel like he's let you down. - I want you to tell him how annoyed I am.
0:33:48 > 0:33:52'She's going to have to ring him and if he says no,'
0:33:52 > 0:33:55that's his choice, isn't it?
0:33:58 > 0:34:02I never thought I would say that. I didn't think for a minute
0:34:02 > 0:34:07that he'd make them look stupid, or me, but obviously I was wrong.
0:34:09 > 0:34:14Sam heads round to confront an unsuspecting Noel.
0:34:14 > 0:34:20- Right, this is the situation I've got going on here. - Go on. Speak forth.
0:34:20 > 0:34:26Jemma's lost two bridesmaids as it stands. Bec and Liz are not going to wear those dresses.
0:34:26 > 0:34:32- If I said to you I've got some money and want to buy another dress... - It would be a waste of money.
0:34:32 > 0:34:39- Don't do it. You don't need to do that.- But you can understand how we are feeling a little bit worried
0:34:39 > 0:34:43that if we look like that, what the hell will she look like?
0:34:43 > 0:34:48You've just got to trust me. Genuinely, just got to trust me.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52What I'm thinking is... Jemma's trusted you, so fair dos.
0:34:52 > 0:34:57I will personally wear whatever you tell us to wear.
0:34:57 > 0:35:03If you make a prat of us all on the day, fair enough, as long as Jem looks amazing.
0:35:03 > 0:35:08I would never make Jemma look like an idiot. She will look stunning.
0:35:08 > 0:35:10That's all that matters. OK.
0:35:10 > 0:35:16Everything that's going on, you don't need to worry about it. It's all in hand. My hands.
0:35:16 > 0:35:20See you later on, cock. ..Oh, shit.
0:35:24 > 0:35:31Sam's visit has got Noel worried, not about the bridesmaids, but the £40 dress he picked for his bride.
0:35:31 > 0:35:36Jem will not be getting married unless she's got another dress. That's how serious it's got to.
0:35:36 > 0:35:41I can not send Jem... She'll look fit, but I can't send Jem down in this dress.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44Look at the state of it.
0:35:44 > 0:35:49Considering, right... I cannot send Jem down the aisle in that.
0:35:50 > 0:35:56I could, cos she'll look fit in it, but...we can't send her down in that.
0:35:56 > 0:36:01So if we could get a dress over there for, like, 250 quid.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07It's the end of week two and fun-loving Noel is beginning to see the serious side
0:36:07 > 0:36:11of organising the whole wedding without Jemma.
0:36:11 > 0:36:17I hope that she thinks that I've thought about things because I have.
0:36:17 > 0:36:21And I hope she doesn't think that I've just took the piss.
0:36:21 > 0:36:27I'm hoping that she loves it and finds romance in it to reflect how much I love her.
0:36:31 > 0:36:36Four days before the wedding. Noel and Mike have come up with a plan
0:36:36 > 0:36:39to get unsuspecting Jemma and her hen party out to Majorca.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42Da da dah!
0:36:43 > 0:36:47'Hiya, girls. Just a quick message.'
0:36:47 > 0:36:53- Aaaah! - 'We've been really busy organising the wedding. We're run ragged.
0:36:53 > 0:36:57'I'm absolutely cream crackered, living on coffee and junk food.
0:36:57 > 0:37:02'Halfway through shopping today, we realised we hadn't sorted your hen do out.
0:37:02 > 0:37:09'So we've had to do it all last minute. I'm very sorry to tell you, but you're going to...
0:37:09 > 0:37:14'Majorca! Majorca! # You're going to Majorca! #
0:37:14 > 0:37:20'Right, listen, ladies. Come here. I know that you girls deserve a very, very good hen do.
0:37:20 > 0:37:27'Especially you, Jemma, cos you're gorgeous. So we're sending you off to lovely Majorca.
0:37:27 > 0:37:31'So have a really, really good time and I love you, Jem.'
0:37:33 > 0:37:37Noel's romantic idea is to fly the girls out for a hen do,
0:37:37 > 0:37:42then instead of coming home the next day he'll surprise Jemma with her Magaluf wedding.
0:37:42 > 0:37:46That's brilliant. # We're going to Majorca! #
0:37:50 > 0:37:56The boys are back on the island and Noel's checking on his peaceful, romantic beach wedding venue.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59Shit. It is packed.
0:37:59 > 0:38:04- But this time the sun's shining. - This is a bit manic.
0:38:04 > 0:38:09Oh, shit. When we were here it was absolutely dead.
0:38:09 > 0:38:15- And it's not just the sun that's out.- We've gone from a romantic gesture and nobody on a beach
0:38:15 > 0:38:20to a beach packed full of women with their bras off.
0:38:20 > 0:38:25- Where the frig would you get married on here? There's no room.- Nope.
0:38:25 > 0:38:30How do you think Jem's going to feel with everyone sunbathing topless
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- and she's got a wedding dress on? - Embarrassed.
0:38:33 > 0:38:38But...we've got a lot of kids here as well.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41It's not a problem, is it?
0:38:41 > 0:38:47Well, it's...it's not really a problem, it's just that... we have no option.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49We'll just have to do it, won't we?
0:38:50 > 0:38:57- We're in Majorca!- 10 miles away, the hens have arrived in Palma, the posh end of Majorca.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00How hot is it? Whoo!
0:39:00 > 0:39:04- It's not falling down. - No, he's doing all right.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07All we need is a pool and alcohol.
0:39:07 > 0:39:14They have no idea Noel and Mike are also on the island as the boys make a call.
0:39:14 > 0:39:16Here goes.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19Who is it?
0:39:19 > 0:39:21- Hiya. You all right? - Very well.
0:39:21 > 0:39:27We've managed to sort out a bar where you can have cocktails, dancing, some food and stuff.
0:39:27 > 0:39:31And Noel's generously said the first 120 euros of alcohol is free.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33120 euros, girls.
0:39:37 > 0:39:41That's 100 quid to keep the hens busy in Palma.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44And having flown his own mates out on an earlier flight,
0:39:44 > 0:39:48it's time for Noel's stag do in Magaluf.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56DRUNKEN KARAOKE SINGING
0:39:58 > 0:40:01- #- ..to your arms again.- #
0:40:02 > 0:40:07Down the coast, Jemma's hen is in full swing. Little does she know,
0:40:07 > 0:40:13in less than 40 hours she's getting married across the island in lairy Magaluf.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16Oh, we've had a lovely night.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18The original three.
0:40:26 > 0:40:33The next morning, still expecting a UK wedding, the girls think they're flying home,
0:40:33 > 0:40:39but Noel has arranged for Jemma, Sam and mum to be whisked off to a secret location in Palma.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43Oh, nice. It's a dress shop.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Why are we here?
0:40:48 > 0:40:53- I hope it's not for the reasons I'm thinking. - If it's to go dress shopping,
0:40:53 > 0:41:00I'm presuming that Noel doesn't want me in a bridal dress as this shop is not appropriate...
0:41:00 > 0:41:07- But why would you buy a dress here? I don't get it.- I don't know. I want to go in and find out.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09Yeah.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17- Hiya.- Hi.
0:41:17 > 0:41:22- Yes. I have an envelope for you. - Oh, that's written by Noel.
0:41:22 > 0:41:26His scruffy handwriting. I don't even want to read it.
0:41:26 > 0:41:30- Do you want me to read it for you? - Oh, my God.
0:41:30 > 0:41:32"Hi, Jemma. I hope you are OK.
0:41:32 > 0:41:38"This is just a little not to let you know that you're getting married tomorrow in Majorca."
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Oh, my God.
0:41:43 > 0:41:47- Oh, my God, Jem. - What about Heidi and the girls?
0:41:48 > 0:41:51- Tell me they're here.- Oh...
0:41:53 > 0:41:55I would like to think so.
0:41:55 > 0:42:00I just want Heidi. I want to know Heidi's coming.
0:42:02 > 0:42:06- Oh, Noel.- That's not the only surprise for Jemma.
0:42:06 > 0:42:10She's about to see the dress she'll be getting married in.
0:42:10 > 0:42:15- Jemma, I have your wedding dress. - OK.- Come through.
0:42:15 > 0:42:18- Oh, my God. Really.- Good luck.
0:42:19 > 0:42:20Oh...
0:42:21 > 0:42:23I'm really scared.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30I'm really nervous.
0:42:30 > 0:42:31Oh, my God.
0:42:31 > 0:42:37Fortunately, Noel changed his mind on the 40 quid beach dress he first chose.
0:42:42 > 0:42:43Wow.
0:42:44 > 0:42:49It might not be the cheap cotton frock he originally chose,
0:42:49 > 0:42:54but it's still a million miles away from the dress Jemma dreamed of.
0:42:54 > 0:42:58- Looking round the shop... - They're beautiful dresses.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00But cocktail dresses.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03We're not going on a cruise, are we?
0:43:03 > 0:43:06We don't think so!
0:43:06 > 0:43:09I just hope he's not made a show of her.
0:43:09 > 0:43:14We've just got to go with it now, haven't we?
0:43:20 > 0:43:24Does it fit? I don't know. Is it really bad?
0:43:24 > 0:43:28No, it's pretty. It is pretty. The style of it.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31Oh, my God.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36I don't know, you know.
0:43:40 > 0:43:41No.
0:43:41 > 0:43:43I don't like it.
0:43:43 > 0:43:47- I no like.- No like!- No like.
0:43:47 > 0:43:53Putting on a brave face and with no other option, Jemma agrees to wear the dress.
0:43:53 > 0:43:57You've got to wear it. You said that you would.
0:43:57 > 0:44:03- But... - If he thinks I look nice in it, then...- Well, that's it, isn't it?
0:44:09 > 0:44:15It's the morning of the wedding and in Palma, Jemma, Sam and mum Maureen
0:44:15 > 0:44:21- are totally in the dark about Noel's wedding plans.- I just feel really nervous now.- I know. I bet you do.
0:44:21 > 0:44:27- I feel nervous for you. - I'm just trying to imagine what it will be,
0:44:27 > 0:44:34but just because it has been such a shock up to now anyway, I don't want to second guess anything.
0:44:36 > 0:44:41Across the island, Noel's getting ready for the big day.
0:44:41 > 0:44:45- It's five to 12. You get married in four hours.- Four o'clock?
0:44:45 > 0:44:49- Yeah.- We've got to be there at, like, three.- Right.
0:44:49 > 0:44:56- We've got to get all the family there as well.- Do you know the name of it?- Cos...ta...crinciano...?
0:44:58 > 0:45:01- We'll find that out!- Yeah!
0:45:01 > 0:45:07- It's time for Jemma's first look at Noel's Wigan market dress.- OK...
0:45:07 > 0:45:12- It's not a bridesmaid dress. I'm thinking...- Prostitute!
0:45:13 > 0:45:15I don't think it's that bad.
0:45:15 > 0:45:18It's not a bridesmaid dress.
0:45:18 > 0:45:23- Don't laugh! - Thanks! Make me feel really nice(!)
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Right, enough!
0:45:26 > 0:45:31Against the odds, Jemma seems OK with her bargain basement bridesmaids,
0:45:31 > 0:45:38but will she be so forgiving in five hours' time when she arrives at the busiest sports bar in Magaluf?
0:45:38 > 0:45:41The job is a good one. Yeah, man.
0:45:41 > 0:45:47They managed to cover everything up with white to make it more... more venue-y,
0:45:47 > 0:45:50as opposed to football hooliganism.
0:45:50 > 0:45:53So it's good. It's all good.
0:45:58 > 0:46:01Jemma's wearing her replacement dress.
0:46:01 > 0:46:05- I feel all right. - And a brave smile.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08- But there's still no word from Noel. - Hello?
0:46:08 > 0:46:10Hello!
0:46:10 > 0:46:14I don't want the organ grinder, I want the monkey.
0:46:14 > 0:46:16- It's Sam.- Hello?
0:46:16 > 0:46:21Are we having a wedding today? Cos we don't know. We've no details.
0:46:21 > 0:46:27- We're stood here, dressed, ready. - Listen, Sam, order a taxi. - Get in a taxi?!
0:46:27 > 0:46:29No...
0:46:29 > 0:46:35- You as the bride of honour needs to order a taxi to Magaluf beach. - I thought you were planning it(!)
0:46:35 > 0:46:39Sam, jump in a taxi and get it to Magaluf beach.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42ASAP. Now, now.
0:46:42 > 0:46:48- I love you. See you in a minute. - Yeah, you will love me. ..He loves me.
0:46:48 > 0:46:50- Right, go.- Here we go!
0:46:51 > 0:46:58As Jemma's cab heads along the strip, she couldn't be further from the peaceful wedding she wanted.
0:46:58 > 0:47:03This is possibly the only place I've ever been with Noel,
0:47:03 > 0:47:09so I'm thinking his nostalgia or whatnot... This is the dodgiest street in Magaluf!
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Hmm. Nice(!)
0:47:16 > 0:47:23And still with no instructions from Noel, the girls wander the packed beach in search of the wedding.
0:47:23 > 0:47:26- CHEERS AND WHISTLES - Thank you! I can't see Noel
0:47:26 > 0:47:32or any kind of wedding party. We're totally at the end of the beach.
0:47:32 > 0:47:35- Oh, my God!- I can't see anything.
0:47:35 > 0:47:38- Right in front of you.- Oh, my God!
0:47:38 > 0:47:40Oh, my God!
0:47:40 > 0:47:45Noel has arranged a Magaluf jet boat to speed them round to the beach wedding.
0:47:45 > 0:47:48Are you actually kidding me?
0:47:48 > 0:47:51Why is he doing this?
0:47:53 > 0:48:00Round the bay, the guests are arriving as prison guard Noel tries to lock down space on the beach.
0:48:00 > 0:48:06Excuse me, peeps. We've booked it for the wedding. Nice one. Thanks very much.
0:48:06 > 0:48:12If I was a bride in my wedding dress, I'd love nothing more than them people looking at me(!)
0:48:12 > 0:48:17No, I would. Big, hairy, fat men sunbathing does it for me.
0:48:17 > 0:48:19# Somewhere beyond... #
0:48:19 > 0:48:26Hurtling towards the ceremony, Magaluf-style, are Sam, Maureen and a pretty terrified Jemma.
0:48:26 > 0:48:34# If I could fly like birds on high Then straight to her arms... #
0:48:34 > 0:48:36Jem, look!
0:48:36 > 0:48:38Jem, they're all waving to you.
0:48:38 > 0:48:41CHEERING
0:48:41 > 0:48:45- You're getting married. - Here we go.
0:48:45 > 0:48:51- Hey, yeah, she's good. - With a little help from some scantily-clad ushers,
0:48:51 > 0:48:54Jemma makes it to dry land.
0:48:56 > 0:48:59Oh, her dress is gorgeous!
0:49:05 > 0:49:08It's taken Noel three weeks and thousands of miles
0:49:08 > 0:49:13to plan this romantic beach blessing for his sweetheart, Jemma.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20How was your ride?
0:49:22 > 0:49:25Good job they're fake!
0:49:25 > 0:49:28- You look gorgeous.- Love you.
0:49:28 > 0:49:33We gather here today to celebrate the wedding of Jemma and Noel.
0:49:33 > 0:49:37- I, Jemma...- I, Jemma...- ..take you, Noel...- ..take you, Noel...
0:49:37 > 0:49:40- ..to be my husband... - ..to be my husband...
0:49:40 > 0:49:44..my constant friend and my faithful partner... SHE REPEATS
0:49:44 > 0:49:50- ..and my love from this day forwards.- ..and my love from this day forwards.
0:49:54 > 0:49:56- I, Noel...- I, Noel...
0:49:56 > 0:49:59..take you, Jemma, to be my wife... HE REPEATS
0:49:59 > 0:50:04- ..and my love from this day forwards.- ..and my love from this day forwards.
0:50:04 > 0:50:11In the presence of these, your family and friends, we observe joyfully that you declared yourself
0:50:11 > 0:50:14to be husband and wife.
0:50:14 > 0:50:17Noel, you may now kiss the bride.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20Oh, don't tell me!
0:50:22 > 0:50:25- I love you.- I love you.
0:50:29 > 0:50:33When me and Mike did the survey, there was nobody on it.
0:50:33 > 0:50:39- But it wasn't that sunny. When we came back, you couldn't move! - I quite liked this.
0:50:39 > 0:50:42I think that's really nice. It's romantic.
0:50:42 > 0:50:46- I thought it was romantic. - Romantic?- Yeah.
0:50:46 > 0:50:49That's what we were going for.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51It's been lovely.
0:50:53 > 0:50:59But the surprises aren't over yet. Jemma's about to see Noel's choice of reception venue.
0:50:59 > 0:51:04- It's nice. It feels like being famous for a day.- So what do you think?
0:51:04 > 0:51:10- What do I think...about what? - About your venue.
0:51:13 > 0:51:14Wow!
0:51:14 > 0:51:17Really? Oh, Noel...!
0:51:17 > 0:51:20We've got the full Lineker's to ourselves
0:51:20 > 0:51:25- with the DJ, the bar and a pole. - Why are you doing this?
0:51:25 > 0:51:30- Because the thing is... - What are people eating?- Eating? - That's all I care about.
0:51:30 > 0:51:35- If you look across the road to that shop there...- Fuck off.
0:51:35 > 0:51:40- Don't lie to me. - What we're doing... No, listen.
0:51:40 > 0:51:47Before you have an opinion, me and Mike have ate there for the last two weeks and it's gorgeous.
0:51:47 > 0:51:52- Can I just say, small point, I don't like burgers? - They don't get burgers there.
0:51:52 > 0:51:57- Oh, right, OK.- They do everything. Chicken salads, everything.
0:51:57 > 0:52:01- Then that's fine(!) - Everything.- Really?
0:52:01 > 0:52:06Jem, you dance, you have a laugh, you have a great time and you have food, right?
0:52:06 > 0:52:12- But the buffets are always crap. - The best thing for you to do is ssh and get me a drink.
0:52:12 > 0:52:16If this is my wedding evening, I need to get really pissed.
0:52:16 > 0:52:21Romantic Noel hoped to make up for past disappointments with a dream wedding,
0:52:21 > 0:52:25but Jemma's just reliving a Magaluf nightmare.
0:52:25 > 0:52:29- What has organising this sorted out? - Not very much.
0:52:29 > 0:52:36- But can you see it's not that bad? - No, I can see that it's pretty horrendous, in all honesty.
0:52:36 > 0:52:42- You're joking!- But... I'm just so happy to see you that I don't want to ruin this day.
0:52:42 > 0:52:47There's no music on, there's nobody here, it's a bit dead and it looks a bit vast.
0:52:47 > 0:52:54When the family get here and music and it livens up, I know she'll love it. I hope she loves it, anyway.
0:52:54 > 0:52:58Jemma may not have her peaceful local wedding,
0:52:58 > 0:53:04but with friends and family arriving she's making the most of Noel's Magaluf party.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07Heidi just said... What did you say?
0:53:07 > 0:53:12- "I need to dance."- Dance. - You do. And so do we.
0:53:14 > 0:53:19It seems Jemma's warming to Noel's romantic gesture.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:53:34 > 0:53:39Jemma and her guests even get stuck into Noel's wedding cuisine.
0:53:39 > 0:53:43- Are we having the biggest kebab we've ever had?- That's what I think.
0:53:43 > 0:53:49This is the best wedding food I've ever had. You can just come and have what you want when you want.
0:53:49 > 0:53:53And the food is gorgeous. Proper nice.
0:53:53 > 0:54:00- I'd just like to thank everybody that has come out here... Are you happy as well?- Yes.
0:54:00 > 0:54:07Now everybody knows, well, they don't really know what me and Mike have done... You all right?
0:54:07 > 0:54:11It's been fantastic. I hope everybody's enjoyed it.
0:54:11 > 0:54:15I've had everybody in mind whilst I've been doing this.
0:54:15 > 0:54:20Jem, you look absolutely gorgeous. And I love you more than anything.
0:54:20 > 0:54:23CHEERING
0:54:27 > 0:54:33I love it. I love everything he's done. It was never, never expected.
0:54:35 > 0:54:39I'm so proud of him because he's pulled it off
0:54:39 > 0:54:43and he's done... He's made it amazing.
0:54:43 > 0:54:48MIKE: It has been a massive moment. I think we tied it all together,
0:54:48 > 0:54:52me and Noel. A pair of lunatics, really.
0:54:54 > 0:55:01My day today has been... the most amazing day in the world.
0:55:01 > 0:55:07Because I'm married to you and everybody said just how relaxed it's been,
0:55:07 > 0:55:13- which was everything I wanted from the day.- It's not ended yet.
0:55:13 > 0:55:17Because on Sunday we're having another reception back in England.
0:55:17 > 0:55:19Are you lying?
0:55:20 > 0:55:22- Are you lying?- No one knows it yet.
0:55:22 > 0:55:27- With everybody there. - Are you lying?
0:55:30 > 0:55:33- I love you so much. - I love you more.
0:55:35 > 0:55:40And 40 hours later, back in Wigan, Noel and Jemma were legally married.
0:55:40 > 0:55:46It now gives me very great pleasure to declare that you are husband and wife together.
0:55:46 > 0:55:49Would you like to kiss the bride?
0:55:56 > 0:56:01- Next time:- Ready to rumble! - A full-on fight to the finish.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03Yeah!
0:56:03 > 0:56:07As a bride who dreams of a traditional girly wedding
0:56:07 > 0:56:12gives up her big day to a man with a passion for wrestling.
0:56:12 > 0:56:17- Can this groom...- About nine? We're under so much more pressure now.
0:56:17 > 0:56:22- ..give his bride a knockout wedding? - You're dragging it!- I'm not!
0:56:22 > 0:56:24Or will it all end up on the ropes?
0:56:24 > 0:56:26Come on, traffic! God sakes!
0:56:38 > 0:56:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd