0:00:02 > 0:00:05Families can be driven apart for all manner of reasons.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08My mum went away and didn't come back.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10And when you do lose touch with your loved ones...
0:00:10 > 0:00:12I never saw Kathleen again.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15..finding them can take a lifetime.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17I wonder where he is, I wonder what he's doing.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19You don't really know where to begin.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Especially when they could be anywhere - at home or abroad.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28And that's where the family-finders come in.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Hi, it's the Salvation Army Family Tracing Service.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34From international organisations...
0:00:34 > 0:00:37There's never been a day when we've never had new enquiries.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40..to genealogy detective agencies...
0:00:40 > 0:00:43When is it you last had contact with him?
0:00:43 > 0:00:44..and dedicated one-man bands.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47I like to do the searches other people can't get
0:00:47 > 0:00:49because it makes me feel good.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54They hunt through history to bring families back together again.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56You are my biological dad.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59In this series we follow the work of the family-finders.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02This case came from our Australian colleagues.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Learning the tricks they use
0:01:03 > 0:01:06to track missing relatives through time...
0:01:06 > 0:01:10I'm 68 years of age, she's 75 years of age and we're just starting off.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14..and meeting the people whose lives they change along the way.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16I said, "Well, this is your younger sister."
0:01:16 > 0:01:18It's a miracle.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I was struck speechless and I couldn't stop crying.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23It's a proud moment for Dad.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25That was the start of finding my family.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37When a relative suddenly disappears from family life,
0:01:37 > 0:01:40leaving confusion and heartbreak behind,
0:01:40 > 0:01:42attempts to search for them years later
0:01:42 > 0:01:45can be a frustrating emotional experience,
0:01:45 > 0:01:46fraught with dead ends.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51But today, alongside established organisations,
0:01:51 > 0:01:55are amateur people-finders prepared to do the detective work
0:01:55 > 0:01:59and make the connections to lost loved ones when all else has failed.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02There's a lot of people like myself
0:02:02 > 0:02:05who've gained a lot of knowledge over the years
0:02:05 > 0:02:09and we all club together to find information for these people.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12John Haydon was just three years old
0:02:12 > 0:02:16when his mother Eileen disappeared in 1945.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21One night at the end of the World War,
0:02:21 > 0:02:27my mother just walked out - closed the door and went.
0:02:27 > 0:02:34And that was the last recollection or know - or know of - my mother.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39John and his daughter, Leslie, often spoke about how much
0:02:39 > 0:02:41he missed having a mum.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Me and Lee were really, really lucky because we knew the background
0:02:45 > 0:02:47and the upbringing that my dad had,
0:02:47 > 0:02:51but it never, ever, once impacted on me and Lee.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54We were always brought up with love.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57But it was always as if there was a hole...
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- Yeah, it's true, that is... - ..left behind.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05I mean, whatever drove her to leave you behind
0:03:05 > 0:03:08didn't mean that she stopped loving you.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12I mean, obviously, maybe she thought she had no choice but to run
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- but couldn't take you with her.- Mm.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- It's just one of those things we'll never know, will we?- No.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22John tried to search for his mother using the internet.
0:03:23 > 0:03:29We did try - we put the name in, to see, on searches,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32but we didn't really come up with very much.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Dizzy! Come on!
0:03:34 > 0:03:38While John was drawing a blank, he had no way of knowing
0:03:38 > 0:03:43that across the Atlantic someone was trying to find him.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Come on, what you doing?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57When a relative leaves their family behind,
0:03:57 > 0:04:01the idea of searching for them after a lifetime apart
0:04:01 > 0:04:04can seem like an overwhelming task.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07But, fortunately, there are organisations
0:04:07 > 0:04:10who are dedicated to doing the search on their behalf.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15All cases bring their own challenges
0:04:15 > 0:04:18and putting people back in contact,
0:04:18 > 0:04:20yes, it is a special moment.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Paul Smith loves classic cars.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30He puts it down to a freewheeling childhood in 1960s Essex
0:04:30 > 0:04:34and a father who drove cars for a living.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37My father was a chauffeur.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40My mother looked after the house and brought up the children.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44A fairly normal childhood, as far as I can remember.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48You know, quite a nice time to be brought up, actually,
0:04:48 > 0:04:50in the early '60s.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Everything was much slower and simpler,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56there wasn't all the distractions that there are today.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58We sat around the table and had dinner
0:04:58 > 0:05:02and watched telly in the evening and went on family outings.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07Fairly basic - nothing too special, because money was tight, I assume.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I didn't have any myself!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14John was the eldest of three and, with his dad at work,
0:05:14 > 0:05:15he helped out his mum.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20I remember having quite a large part to do with
0:05:20 > 0:05:23their sort of early-stage upbringing -
0:05:23 > 0:05:25taking them out in the pram,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28taking them to the park and feeding
0:05:28 > 0:05:31and lots of things to do with young children.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35I was about 10, 11 years old then.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40When he did see his dad, it was a real event.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45He used to come home in fancy cars, like a Rolls-Royce...
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I remember him taking me out in that.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51I think that's where I got maybe the seeds of my interest
0:05:51 > 0:05:54in motor cars when I was a bit older.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00But when Paul was 11, his father hit the road for good.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05It was just a question of coming home one day from shopping with mother,
0:06:05 > 0:06:10and father had upped and left - for whatever reason.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12From that day on, I never saw him again.
0:06:12 > 0:06:18At that age, I was not really privy to the whys and wherefores.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21She never told me anything about it.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Mum was quite a strong lady, really.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28She didn't show much emotion about it - certainly not in front of me.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32From that time onwards, really, Mother was on her own.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I think it was just a question of, well, this is the situation,
0:06:34 > 0:06:36we just live with it.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41It's not knowing the reasons why he left in the first place,
0:06:41 > 0:06:43not knowing how he would have felt.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45But I think, at the end of the day,
0:06:45 > 0:06:48it comes to a point when you think it's something you've got to do
0:06:48 > 0:06:49before it's too late, really.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53I think if you didn't do it you'd regret it
0:06:53 > 0:06:56when you found out that your father, mother, whoever, had died,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59then you think, "I wish I'd have done that sooner."
0:07:02 > 0:07:05And then I was told by a friend that the Salvation Army
0:07:05 > 0:07:07are very good at tracing people.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13The Salvation Army has more than 100 years of experience
0:07:13 > 0:07:16tracking down lost family members.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18This time it was a huge challenge,
0:07:18 > 0:07:22because Paul's dad's name is John Smith.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25When people contact us with a name like John Smith
0:07:25 > 0:07:29and only can give us a rough idea of when the person was born,
0:07:29 > 0:07:33when I done a check to see how many there was,
0:07:33 > 0:07:37there was 6,338 possible entries.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39So you can see how difficult it is
0:07:39 > 0:07:42to be able to take on a search with that many records.
0:07:43 > 0:07:48With more than 6,000 possible John Smiths to consider,
0:07:48 > 0:07:49would Paul even get close
0:07:49 > 0:07:52to discovering what happened to his father?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07In 1945, when John Haydon was three years old,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10his mother, Eileen, disappeared from his life.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16It had such a profound bearing on the whole of my life, really,
0:08:16 > 0:08:18what my mother did.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Now 73, with family and grandchildren of his own,
0:08:24 > 0:08:28various attempts to trace his mother over the years have failed.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32I kept trying and kept thinking to myself,
0:08:32 > 0:08:39"All we need is a lucky break to just find a clue to the jigsaw."
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Unknown to John, the mystery as to what became of his mother
0:08:45 > 0:08:48was about to be solved in a seemingly unrelated
0:08:48 > 0:08:51case from America that had come to the attention
0:08:51 > 0:08:54of local amateur family-finder Margaret.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59I came across this thread where this lady from the US
0:08:59 > 0:09:03was looking for information on the burials of her grandparents.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07"Before my mother passed away I promised I would go back to England
0:09:07 > 0:09:10"and try to find my grandparents' graves.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13"Mum was orphaned at 14.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16"I haven't been able to find anything,
0:09:16 > 0:09:19"I would greatly appreciate any help."
0:09:19 > 0:09:25It touched my heart, and I couldn't get this out of my head at all.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29It was just...so sad.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34The message had been posted nearly 4,000 miles away
0:09:34 > 0:09:37in the American state of Tennessee by Diane Messer,
0:09:37 > 0:09:41who was trying to fulfil a quest she started 20 years ago
0:09:41 > 0:09:43for her late mother, Eileen Haydon.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I had always wanted to find some of my roots in England
0:09:48 > 0:09:50and I'd wanted to surprise Mom
0:09:50 > 0:09:52and find out where the grandparents were buried,
0:09:52 > 0:09:56and I hoped one day to go there and put flowers on their grave.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I would send off for birth certificates
0:09:58 > 0:10:01and I couldn't find anything - it's like they didn't exist.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03I just kept saying, "This makes no sense.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06"Why can't I find even a birth certificate for Mom?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10"This is crazy." For two decades, I tried to find these things,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13but she had nothing from her childhood.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15She had no pictures, nothing.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22Diane was born in New Orleans, Louisiana in 1956
0:10:22 > 0:10:24to British-born Eileen Haydon
0:10:24 > 0:10:28and her Italian-American husband, Peter Marquize.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31I had a lovely childhood.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I lived in a semidetached house,
0:10:33 > 0:10:37my cousins lived right next door - I had three girl cousins,
0:10:37 > 0:10:40so they were the closest thing I had to sisters,
0:10:40 > 0:10:42and my Aunt Rose was next door.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46An only child, when she was 12,
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Diane and her parents moved from New Orleans
0:10:48 > 0:10:52to the tourist town of Gatlinburg in Tennessee.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53When we moved to Gatlinburg,
0:10:53 > 0:10:58our house was basically on the top of a big hill overlooking the mountains,
0:10:58 > 0:10:59and there was nobody around,
0:10:59 > 0:11:02so I didn't have friends or anyone for quite a while
0:11:02 > 0:11:04until I got into school.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06It's lonely, being an only child.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09It's nice in some ways because of course you get all the attention -
0:11:09 > 0:11:12you're the centre of their world and you're very close to your parents
0:11:12 > 0:11:14but there is a lot of lonely time.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19As an adult, Diane met and married her husband Doug,
0:11:19 > 0:11:22and they lived close to her mother all her life.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Shortly before her mother passed away,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30she bequeathed Diane a necklace she named Spike.
0:11:32 > 0:11:37She was at home for a couple of weeks before she passed, and she said,
0:11:37 > 0:11:40"I want you to promise me something." I'm like, "OK."
0:11:40 > 0:11:44"I want you to promise you'll wear Spike at least once."
0:11:44 > 0:11:47And she had nicknamed the little snake necklace Spike.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I'm like, "OK." I thought it was
0:11:50 > 0:11:54a rather odd deathbed request, but I said, "All right,
0:11:54 > 0:11:57"I will wear Spike at least once, I promise."
0:11:58 > 0:12:00After her mother died,
0:12:00 > 0:12:05Diane still continued to try and find her British grandparents.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I tried and I tried -
0:12:07 > 0:12:11and then one day I was trying again, and I found a site called RootsChat.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16RootsChat is a free internet family-finding service,
0:12:16 > 0:12:20staffed by amateur people-finders like Margaret.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22There's a lot of people like myself on there
0:12:22 > 0:12:25who have gained a lot of knowledge over the years
0:12:25 > 0:12:30and we all club together to find information for these people.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34With some research through birth, marriage and death records,
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Margaret and her colleagues were able to discover
0:12:38 > 0:12:39what Diane could not.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43We found out that her mother was not named Haydon,
0:12:43 > 0:12:46she was named Eileen W Pinches,
0:12:46 > 0:12:50who had married an Edward John Haydon.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54It was also revealed to Diane that she had an older half-brother.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57I'm like, "Are you telling me I could have a brother?!"
0:12:57 > 0:12:58It was just such a foreign concept.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Here I am sitting in my office at work and all of a sudden,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03they're telling me I might have a brother
0:13:03 > 0:13:06and my mother had been married before, I'm like...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08It was just kind of sensory overload.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I said, "I have got to find my brother."
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Over in England, John Haydon received a message out of the blue.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21I was just sitting, this one night, this message came through -
0:13:21 > 0:13:26"We believe your mother was Eileen Pinches.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29"Would you like to carry on with this conversation?"
0:13:29 > 0:13:32And, erm, biggest shock...
0:13:32 > 0:13:36To be searching for something and all of a sudden, there it was...
0:13:36 > 0:13:38in my lap!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40The message was from Diane
0:13:40 > 0:13:42but she was yet to reveal herself
0:13:42 > 0:13:45until she was certain she had the right person.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48The next question come asking about dates and everything,
0:13:48 > 0:13:52and had I got any birth certificates for me mother
0:13:52 > 0:13:55so I found the birth certificate.
0:13:55 > 0:14:00Well, after that, they were certain I was the right person, you see.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Then it was like, "OK, now what do I do?"
0:14:03 > 0:14:06So then I thought, "Oh, great, now I finally found my brother,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08"I've got to tell him his mother passed away seven years ago,"
0:14:08 > 0:14:10so that was tough.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12She said, "I'm very sorry to tell you,
0:14:12 > 0:14:16"your mother passed away seven years ago,"
0:14:16 > 0:14:19and I says, "Oh..." Cos she would have been a tremendous age, so...
0:14:19 > 0:14:25You don't expect very good news on anything like that, you know.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30But the next sentence was, "Good news for you -
0:14:30 > 0:14:33"your mother had a daughter."
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Well, that was like an atomic bomb going off, that was.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Everyone said...
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I said, "Whoa, whoa... I've got a sister!"
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Now sure John was her brother,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Diane felt confident she could finally reveal to him
0:14:47 > 0:14:50she was his sister.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54John said, "Hi, Diane, thanks very much for the news.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56"What do I say after all this time?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59"Do you know anyone that can tell me about her or, better still,
0:14:59 > 0:15:02"Eileen's daughter? I would love to hear from her.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05"PS. How did you come to hear about us? Love, John."
0:15:05 > 0:15:08I wrote back and said, "Yes, I can tell you anything you want to know -
0:15:08 > 0:15:10"I'm her daughter."
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I was literally talking to me sister, yeah.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Fabulous.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Diane was now able to share with John
0:15:17 > 0:15:21what little their mother had told her about her life.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Well, she had a very sad childhood.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Her father died when she was six, she really didn't remember him very much.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Her mother died when she was only 14.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Of course, the next phase of her life she never told me about.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40But she did reveal a little of her life after the war.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44First, she went to Paris. She was an artist on the Left Bank.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48She got some beautiful Coco Chanel clothing.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50She said she had inherited a little money
0:15:50 > 0:15:54and that when the money ran out, she started her travels.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56She told me that she would just earn enough money
0:15:56 > 0:15:58to get to the next place she wanted to go
0:15:58 > 0:16:00and she would go on a freighter ship.
0:16:00 > 0:16:05They were very protective of her. She would eat only with the captain.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09I know she went to Trinidad. That was her favourite island.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Then, she went down to French Guyana.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14She didn't like it there. She said there were spiders big enough
0:16:14 > 0:16:16to eat cats there, so she wasn't crazy about it!
0:16:16 > 0:16:21So, she went to New York City and worked as a window dresser at Macy's.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Then she heard about New Orleans
0:16:23 > 0:16:25and she'd heard it was a lot like Paris
0:16:25 > 0:16:27so she wanted to go to New Orleans.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31She lived in the French Quarter, I think she was probably a beatnik
0:16:31 > 0:16:34and she met my dad, a real handsome Italian,
0:16:34 > 0:16:36and they got married.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Seven years later, had me
0:16:39 > 0:16:42and that's how it all started.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Of course, John wondered if she'd thought about him over the years
0:16:47 > 0:16:50and I think she was thinking about him a lot.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54She was just very young when our brother Paul passed away,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57and I think, after losing her grandmother,
0:16:57 > 0:16:59her father, her mother...
0:16:59 > 0:17:02I think it was just too much.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I found a letter later.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07It said, "When I get really scared or whatever, I run
0:17:07 > 0:17:09"and then I regret it later." I think that's what happened -
0:17:09 > 0:17:13I think she just ran and then just couldn't go back.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20Nobody ever loses their children. I mean, if you walk out on anybody,
0:17:20 > 0:17:24they don't stop existing. They know very well they still exist.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28I think my mother put a very brave show on in front of D and everybody
0:17:28 > 0:17:31but when she went to bed on her own,
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I would say that thought...
0:17:33 > 0:17:35She must have wondered.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Having found each other, in 2014,
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Diane and her husband, Doug, made the 4,000-mile journey from America
0:17:45 > 0:17:50to England to finally meet up with her newly found brother.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54We're coming in to Birmingham.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Come here!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08That was a truly magical moment. It was wonderful.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I can't fully describe it.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13CHEERING
0:18:15 > 0:18:18And then they threw me a big party that night
0:18:18 > 0:18:20and we had quite the party. It was amazing.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Two dreams had come true.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27No money in the world can buy it.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31I tell you, it's most fabulous, fabulous, fabulous, yeah.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34I'd like to thank everybody for turning up.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Exactly, you know.
0:18:36 > 0:18:42To celebrate the arrival of two of the greatest people in the world.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46These two here. My lovely sister, gorgeous.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I don't know what else to say!
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Since then, John and Diane have continued to speak
0:18:56 > 0:18:58every day over the internet.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Hello!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- My sweet, charming brother. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05It's fantastic, really, isn't it?
0:19:05 > 0:19:07There's no other feeling like it, is there?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- Uh-uh, no, there isn't.- No, no, no.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13'We just have to see each other at least once a day.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15'It was funny because our mom was the same way.'
0:19:15 > 0:19:16She would say, "If I don't get to see you,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19"you've got to at least call once a day,"
0:19:19 > 0:19:22and we just always had to have that connection.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25In one of their chats, Diane happened to mention
0:19:25 > 0:19:28her mother's gold snake necklace she'd named Spike.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32You'd just got it on, hadn't you? I said, "That's nice."
0:19:32 > 0:19:35She had no idea of its significance.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36And that's when you told me,
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- "My nickname as a boy was Spike." - Yeah, yeah.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42And that came together because when Mom was dying,
0:19:42 > 0:19:46she told me I had to wear Spike at least once
0:19:46 > 0:19:48and she was very adamant about it
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- and obviously, on her deathbed, she was thinking about you.- Yeah.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56It's still the saddest part about it. If only she had just told you...
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I don't think that was the proper time for her to do it.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- I think she was struggling with it. - Yeah, yeah.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07And now you've got me.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- Now I got you. You'd better not be going anywhere.- Yeah, yeah.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I hope so, not for yet a while anyway.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- No, not for a long while. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:20:16 > 0:20:21He's literally gone from being orphaned to having a family
0:20:21 > 0:20:25and more importantly, the family that he's inherited love him.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32That hole has been filled now with the love that he longed for...
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Look at me...
0:20:36 > 0:20:41..when he was younger and it's been absolutely fantastic.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- I recommend anyone.- Yeah, anybody to do it, yeah. It's fabulous.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- Everyone's got to do it. - Absolutely fabulous, yeah.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Paul Smith wanted to trace his dad, John,
0:21:08 > 0:21:11who left home when he was 11 years old.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14It was just a question of coming home one day from shopping with mother,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16and father had upped and left
0:21:16 > 0:21:18for whatever reason.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Nearly 50 years later,
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Paul turned to the Salvation Army for help to find his dad
0:21:26 > 0:21:29out of more than a possible 6,000 John Smiths.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Luckily enough, Paul had quite a lot of information,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37which meant it was possible for us to be able to take on his enquiry.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39He provided us with his dad's full name,
0:21:39 > 0:21:41his dad's date of birth,
0:21:41 > 0:21:45and also he knew the date of marriage to his mother.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49If the Salvation Army managed to find his father,
0:21:49 > 0:21:53they had a letter of introduction from Paul.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56With the information Paul was able to provide us on his father,
0:21:56 > 0:21:59we were able to try one of the avenues
0:21:59 > 0:22:02which is available to us straightaway.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Luckily enough, they had come back to us
0:22:05 > 0:22:09saying they had forwarded our letter to Paul's father.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Now Paul could only wait and see
0:22:11 > 0:22:16if the John Smith believed to be his father would respond.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Because the length of time is so long, you just accept...
0:22:19 > 0:22:24Whatever the result's going to be, well, that's the way it is.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Obviously I hoped he was still alive and well.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I was prepared for any news.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Once we had heard the letter had been forwarded,
0:22:32 > 0:22:33within a couple of days,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35we received a phone call from the father
0:22:35 > 0:22:38informing us that he had received the letter
0:22:38 > 0:22:41and was delighted that his son was looking for him.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44You know, when you receive a phone call like that,
0:22:44 > 0:22:46that the enquiree has received the letter
0:22:46 > 0:22:48and that he's going to contact the relative,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51it's just a special moment.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53You're really pleased with what you've done
0:22:53 > 0:22:56and that you've made that possible for them.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I couldn't believe it at first -
0:23:00 > 0:23:02that they'd found someone so quickly
0:23:02 > 0:23:05and that he lived relatively local,
0:23:05 > 0:23:07and had been for the last 18 years.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Just a few miles away from Paul's house,
0:23:12 > 0:23:16his father, John, heard from the son he'd last seen 46 years ago.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23"Hello, John, this is Paul writing to you because I've been
0:23:23 > 0:23:29"curious for some time now as to whether to make contact with you.
0:23:31 > 0:23:36"At some point in the future, when you feel OK with the situation,
0:23:36 > 0:23:39"I look forward to receiving your response.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42"With warmest regards, Paul."
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Which I thought was very nice.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Reconnected, Paul met up with his dad in early 2015.
0:23:50 > 0:23:56They hadn't seen each other since 1969 when Paul was 11.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58It was a strange sort of feeling
0:23:58 > 0:24:03cos it was my son standing there in front of me after all this time.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06I think it was mutual between us,
0:24:06 > 0:24:09that it sort of gelled -
0:24:09 > 0:24:10let's put it that way.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14Quite quickly, considering the time.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20They've since bonded over a shared love of classic cars.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23- Hello, Paul.- All right, John.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25- How are we?- All right, thanks.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26- Nice to see you.- Nice day today.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- Have a good trip over? - Yeah, brilliant.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Oh, good. Lovely.- Right. - Nice day for it.- Yeah, we have.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Fingers crossed.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Right, OK, I'll take you round to a few of the old places.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Yeah, go back down memory lane.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38That's it. THEY LAUGH
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Today, John wants to try and help Paul understand
0:24:41 > 0:24:44the circumstances behind his departure from the family
0:24:44 > 0:24:46all those years ago.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52First stop is the family home they all shared together
0:24:52 > 0:24:54when Paul was a small boy.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59My earliest memories are of this here.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- Yes, because you were that age, then.- This is my earliest memories.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- I've got good memories of this street as a child.- Yes.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07You know, going up and down on my little trike
0:25:07 > 0:25:11and it's quite nice to be back here all these years later.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Yeah.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15While Paul was at home with his mother,
0:25:15 > 0:25:17John was working on the buses.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20It was shift work obviously and all that.
0:25:20 > 0:25:25It caused a bit of a problem between your mum and myself
0:25:25 > 0:25:28because I wasn't home to that degree.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- No, no.- Yes.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35- But I was earning more money... - Right.- ..in that way,
0:25:35 > 0:25:39so that's when we went and moved to Upminster.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Right, you were able to afford a bit better place, a bigger place.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44A better place, a bigger place.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48With a bigger house came bigger responsibilities for John.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Sadly, things seemed to go a bit pear-shaped,
0:25:51 > 0:25:53became quite an atmosphere,
0:25:53 > 0:25:55and I knew in my mind that
0:25:55 > 0:25:58things were going the wrong way -
0:25:58 > 0:26:00things weren't working out.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02So I thought, in all fairness,
0:26:02 > 0:26:07to both us as a couple and you children,
0:26:07 > 0:26:11that it was better that I leave the marital home
0:26:11 > 0:26:14and make a clean break of it -
0:26:14 > 0:26:17and then I thought it would be
0:26:17 > 0:26:20the best thing because things would have only got worse.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Yeah.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26At the time, there was little concept
0:26:26 > 0:26:28of shared parenting after a divorce.
0:26:28 > 0:26:34Your mother, I feel sure, would have objected to me seeing you, you see.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Because of, most probably, me leaving home.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- So, I left well alone.- Yeah.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Of course, all over the years,
0:26:42 > 0:26:45you all often cropped up in my mind,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48wondering how you were and all the rest of it.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53- I just felt that was my way of seeing things...- Yeah.
0:26:53 > 0:26:58..whether it was considered right or wrong, in some people's eyes,
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I, most probably, was the villain of the piece, you know.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04- It's... You have to do what you've got to do at the time...- Yeah...
0:27:04 > 0:27:06..and that was the best thing for you.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08..it seemed the right thing to do.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10As far as I was concerned,
0:27:10 > 0:27:13it happened and I was really too young to understand fully.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15- I've got no bad feeling about it all. - Yeah.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I've never had any resentment in any way.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Yeah, I appreciate your feelings
0:27:23 > 0:27:26and I'm so pleased that we got together again.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30- I know Mother wasn't the easiest person to get on with.- No.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38Reunited, father and son are now looking to the future.
0:27:43 > 0:27:48Not knowing what had happened to my father
0:27:48 > 0:27:49was the missing piece.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55The father-and-son bond is definitely there.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58It's just like two old friends meeting up
0:27:58 > 0:28:00for the first time after 46 years.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08I'm coming to my latter years now
0:28:08 > 0:28:11and to know this has happened and...
0:28:11 > 0:28:13I've got a family.