0:02:49 > 0:02:53# Treguna, mekoides
0:02:53 > 0:02:57# Trecorum, satis, dee
0:02:57 > 0:03:00# Treguna, mekoides
0:03:00 > 0:03:04# Trecorum, satis, dee
0:03:05 > 0:03:08# Treguna, mekoides
0:03:08 > 0:03:12# Trecorum, satis, dee
0:03:12 > 0:03:16# Treguna, mekoides
0:03:16 > 0:03:20# Trecorum, satis, dee... #
0:03:38 > 0:03:40SEAGULLS CALL
0:03:53 > 0:03:56You there. Which way to Pepperinge Eye?
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Couldn't say. It said on the wireless to paint out signposts
0:04:00 > 0:04:03in case the Nazis drop in.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08But I'm a British Officer.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08That's what you'd say if you was a Nazi, sir.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Drive on, Corporal.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23DOG BARKS
0:04:31 > 0:04:36Sorry to give you so many but you have six bedrooms.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36No trouble. Anything to get
0:04:36 > 0:04:42the poor things away from the awful bombings in London. Come along, now.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44What about us?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Oh, yes. What is your name, please?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Rawlins, ma'am.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Rawlins? Oh, yes, here we are. Carrie,
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Charles,
0:04:54 > 0:04:59Paul. Oh, you're for Miss Price. I'm expectin' her in.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04< # Call out the Navy... #
0:05:00 > 0:05:04I won't be a moment. Don't touch anything.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06# Call out the tanks
0:05:06 > 0:05:10# From the cliffs of Dover call up the gulls
0:05:10 > 0:05:15# And don't forget the loyal Territorials
0:05:15 > 0:05:19# But who's digging in here, who will defend
0:05:19 > 0:05:23# Every inch of England no matter what they send?
0:05:23 > 0:05:27# Who's standing firm in our own front yard?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31# The soldiers of the old Home Guard, that's who
0:05:31 > 0:05:34# The soldiers of the old Home Guard
0:05:35 > 0:05:39# For we wrote the story of the old brigade
0:05:39 > 0:05:44# We know the glory of yesterday's parades
0:05:44 > 0:05:48# Who's standing firm in our own front yard?
0:05:48 > 0:05:52# The soldiers of the old Home Guard, that's who
0:05:52 > 0:05:56# The soldiers of the old Home Guard! #
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Halt! - Carry on, Sergeant!
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Captain Greer, from headquarters at Tidbury.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Here to check military preparations in the area.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09We have matters well in hand.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12But, nevertheless... What on earth is that?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14ENGINE BACKFIRES
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Good morning, General.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25I received your message. I assume my parcel has arrived.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- It's in the office. - Ah, lovely.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Who is that?
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Miss Price. Her late father served with me at Vimy Ridge.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38It smells like sulphur burning.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Ridiculous. One can't make motor fuel out of sulphur.
0:06:41 > 0:06:47Here we are. Another object from Prof Emelius Browne in London.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Is it what you expected?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50I imagine so.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53He sent you a cat last time, did he not?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Yes.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Professor Browne is well?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I have no idea.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Are we to have the pleasure of meeting him?
0:07:02 > 0:07:06I doubt it. I don't know him personally. Is there anything else?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08There is. Come this way.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- I'm anxious to get home. - Come along, please.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15CHILDREN SHOUTING
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Stop it this instant!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22This is Miss Price.
0:07:22 > 0:07:27Carrie, Charles and Paul Rawlins, all the way from London.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27How do you do?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29How are you, miss?
0:07:29 > 0:07:35The Government's evacuating as many children as possible to the country.
0:07:35 > 0:07:40Today they sent 45. I've had to find homes for them at short notice.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44These are the last three. OK, pick up your things.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51You're not suggesting I take them into my house?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Exactly.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57Oh, it's quite out of the question. Children and I don't get on.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- I believe you. Come on, back to London.- Hooray!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Be quiet!
0:08:02 > 0:08:05And I have important work to do.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07You do have that house to yourself.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11This order from the Ministry of Civil Defence
0:08:11 > 0:08:17says you have no choice.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17I see. If that is the case, I'll take them - on the understanding
0:08:17 > 0:08:20you find them a more suitable home as soon as possible.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Fine. Come along.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Ah, good morning, Miss Price. There they are.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32What a charitable thing you are doing,
0:08:32 > 0:08:34taking in these poor unfortunates.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Hold this carefully.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- May I drop by later this afternoon? - Why?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43We have their spiritual needs to consider.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46It's not necessary. They won't be with me for long.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48ENGINE BACKFIRES
0:09:06 > 0:09:10My parcel, please. Bring your things inside.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15A bit murky, ain't it?
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Yeah. Not another house around here for miles.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Wipe your feet.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Big place, this. Who else lives here?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30I live alone. It suits my purpose.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34All right, come along, everybody.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42CAT HISSES
0:09:42 > 0:09:44THEY GASP
0:09:44 > 0:09:45CAT YOWLS
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Sorry, miss. The cat startled us.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51No need for alarm. You just frightened him.
0:09:51 > 0:09:56Yes, he's scared to death(!) You can see that(!)
0:09:56 > 0:10:00- What do you call him? - Animals shouldn't have silly names.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Cosmic Creepus is the name he came with.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07You will sleep in here. This was my father's bedroom.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I want you to be very careful of everything in it.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12You boys take the bed.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- What was your name again? - It's Carrie, miss.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18You sleep on the sofa. Is that all you brought?
0:10:18 > 0:10:23We ain't exactly burdened down with frillies. Travel light, that's us.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26I don't think this arrangement will work,
0:10:26 > 0:10:29but it seems I have no alternative.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- We'll do our best. - Thank you.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36The bathroom is along the landing. Supper is at 6. You'll wash...
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Wash?!
0:10:37 > 0:10:42You will wash yourselves, otherwise there'll be no supper. Am I clear?
0:10:42 > 0:10:46A house of horror, that's what we've come to.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50INAUDIBLE WHISPERS
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Don't whisper. I am exceptionally keen of hearing.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01You plan to run back to London. If you have more plotting to do,
0:11:01 > 0:11:04do it elsewhere where I shan't have to listen to it.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07I don't know what children eat.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11You'll have to make do as I do. Is there anything you fancy?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Sausage and mash. Bubble and squeak. Toad-in-the-hole.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Fried fish. Oh, anything at all.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20You won't find any fried foods in this house.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22No fried food?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24How d'you keep your health?
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Cabbage buds, rosehips, glyssop seed, elm bark,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31whortle yeast and stewed nettles.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Miaow!
0:12:24 > 0:12:28"With this shipment, the Emelius Browne Correspondence College
0:12:28 > 0:12:33"of Witchcraft congratulates you on qualifying for the first degree of
0:12:33 > 0:12:38"your chosen calling. You may call yourself 'apprentice witch'.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40"Yours faithfully, Emelius Browne."
0:12:48 > 0:12:50My first broom!
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Time to go. Everybody up.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Wake up. We're going back to London.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Now, let's see how we fly this thing. Here we are.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10"Clasp the broom with both hands."
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Yes, of course.
0:13:18 > 0:13:23"Never astride the broom." Of course. "A witch is always a lady,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26"except when circumstances dictate otherwise.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30"Take an easy, graceful sideways position."
0:13:30 > 0:13:35Of course, that's much better. An easy, graceful sideways position.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37There we are. How's that?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39"Now,
0:13:39 > 0:13:42"to start up the broom, your basic formula,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45"lakipo, nikrif, scrumpet, leetch."
0:13:47 > 0:13:49I wasn't ready!
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Lakipo, nikrif, scrumpet, leetch.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Miaow!
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Now watch this.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Here we go.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Lakipo, nikrif, scrumpet, leetch!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Miaow!
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Ohh!
0:14:36 > 0:14:39It's going to be a little different this time.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- Miaow!- All right,
0:14:46 > 0:14:51I know it's not ladylike. Lakipo, nikrif, scrumpet, leetch!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01CAT GROWLS
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Miaow!
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- Cor!- What's the matter?
0:15:43 > 0:15:49'Ow does she do that?
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Cos she's a witch. That's the sort of thing witches do.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Ohh!
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Ahh!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09She don't fly good, do she?
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Aaah! Aaah!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Aaaaaah!
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- She's crashed! - Come on! Now's our chance to hop it.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Suppose she's hurt? - Go on. You can't hurt a witch.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Look out!
0:16:30 > 0:16:33She's cross now. Let's get away from here.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Hang on. I'm having a bit of a think.
0:16:36 > 0:16:41A witch she is, says you. Then let's use the old loaf, says I.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- Let's get back to London. - We have an opportunity here.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47She don't want anyone to know she's a witch.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Not ruddy likely!
0:16:49 > 0:16:54That's the opportunity. And I intend to make the most of it. Come on.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Bran porridge.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Thank you, miss.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Very healthful, I'm sure.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Hurt your foot, Miss Price? - Just twisted my ankle.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08- Sorry to hear that. - Thank you. It's nothing serious.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Lovely weather for flying last night.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Why did you say that, Charles?
0:17:17 > 0:17:21The game's up, Miss Price. We know what you are.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I see.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Don't worry, Miss Price. No-one's gonna peach on ya.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Thank you. I should be most grateful
0:17:33 > 0:17:36if you didn't tell anyone in the village.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40There'll have to be one or two changes made around here.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44I'd like to see an occasional sausage on the table. Jam...
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Charlie!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Let me handle this.
0:17:47 > 0:17:52There'll be no more of this wash, wash, wash, mornin' and night.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Anything else?
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Now you mention it, I could do with a bit of lolly.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59Lolly?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01CAT GROWLS
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Cash. Cold hard cash. You must have buckets of it.
0:18:04 > 0:18:09For your information, the most accomplished of witches
0:18:09 > 0:18:12can't make money out of thin air. Have you ever heard of a rich witch?
0:18:12 > 0:18:16Be that as it may, you don't want us to blab.
0:18:16 > 0:18:22Have you considered what danger you might be in? I am a witch, you know?
0:18:22 > 0:18:23CAT HISSES
0:18:23 > 0:18:26What will you do? Turn me into a toad?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Lovely. A toad with pink eyes.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31I might just do that.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32Go on, then. I dare ya!
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Very well, Charles.
0:18:37 > 0:18:43You shouldn't have said that.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43She don't frighten me. She can't even ride a broom.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Excuse me, Charles.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47"Filigree, apogee,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50"pedigree, perigee."
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Oh, Charlie!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58That's better than a toad. That's a rabbit.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Bother. I never seem to be able to manage toads.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02CAT YOWLS
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Stop! Leave him alone!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Don't let him get hurt.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15My spells don't last long. I'm just an apprentice.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20CAT YOWLS
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Look out, Charlie!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38You flamin' brute!
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Miaow!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I'll teach you to do that to me!
0:19:42 > 0:19:46Let Cosmic Creepus alone! It weren't his fault.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50It's my fault. Bad enough not being able to manage a broom,
0:19:50 > 0:19:54I can't perform a simple basic spell.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58You dared her to do it. Why can't we all be friends?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Maybe she's not a wicked witch.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Of course I'm not.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03See?
0:20:03 > 0:20:09If only I could trust you. My work is so important to the war effort.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11How do you mean?
0:20:11 > 0:20:15I mean exceptionally important. Most secret.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17What do you say? We can keep a secret.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Yeah. If someone made it worth our while.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23I don't follow.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Simple. You give us something valuable to seal the pact.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Don't try to be clever again.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32It's for our own protection.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35If we broke the pact, we'd have to give back
0:20:35 > 0:20:41the valuable object.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41I think it's an excellent idea! I wonder what I could give you?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Would you settle for one of my spells?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Bet that's not worth much.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Come with me.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54I liked you better as a rabbit.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58- Shut up, you! - Well, I never had a rabbit.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Careful what you touch in here.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Rum sort of place, ain't it?
0:21:07 > 0:21:12When I signed for my witchcraft course there was a free bonus,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15a marvellous travelling spell, if you paid in advance.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- I'll give you that one. - Is it valuable?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Certainly.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25Poisoned dragon's liver?!
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Poisoned dragon liver.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30You poisoned the dragon or just the liver?
0:21:30 > 0:21:36It comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment. Ah, here we are.
0:21:36 > 0:21:41The travelling spell. All right, everybody, gather around.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43All right, now, let's see.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Does anyone have a bracelet or a ring, something you can twist?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49No, Miss Price.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- What about you, Paul? - I carry a few things around.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55You never know when they may come in useful.
0:21:55 > 0:22:00Piece of blue glass, lovely bit of string. Horseshoe nail.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04What's that?
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Knob. Come from the bed upstairs.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- It twists, don't it? - Yeah. Twisted right off.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Yes, I think that will be all right.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Carrie, turn the light down a bit, will you?
0:22:27 > 0:22:30"Hellebore, henbane, aconite...
0:22:33 > 0:22:37"..glow-worm fire, firefly light!"
0:22:40 > 0:22:42There, isn't that pretty?
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Is that all we get?
0:22:44 > 0:22:48This knob will now work the famous travelling spell.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50What's the famous travelling spell?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52How does it work?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55You take this knob and put it back on the bed.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Turn it a quarter turn to the left.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02In a clear voice, tell it where you want to go. And it will take you.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Go on!
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Will it really? - I see no reason to think otherwise.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Oh, thank you for the lovely gift.
0:23:10 > 0:23:15Sorry, it belongs to Paul. He's the only one who can work the spell.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Me?
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Yes.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20That's right. My knob, weren't it?
0:23:20 > 0:23:25- That's the way the spell works. - Nice mess he'll make of things.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Oh, bother. You children run upstairs.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34Don't try anything with the bedknob till I get back.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39'Dear Madam, it grieves me to inform you that due to the war
0:23:39 > 0:23:42'we've been forced to close down our College of Witchcraft.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46'So we shan't be sending you the final lesson
0:23:46 > 0:23:49'in which you expressed so much interest.'
0:23:49 > 0:23:51What's keeping you?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I've had some very bad news.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- Can we do anything? - No. No, thank you.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02- Yes. Yes, there is something that Paul can do.- Me?
0:24:02 > 0:24:06I need the bedknob back. I must get to London immediately.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09No. I want to go to the jungle.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Come with me, Paul.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Now, ridiculous as it may seem
0:24:17 > 0:24:21to have to explain this to a six- year-old, but I do need your help.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Go ahead.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27I was expecting an important spell in the mail from my teacher,
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Prof Emelius Browne, and it hasn't come.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32What's that got to do with my knob?
0:24:32 > 0:24:35I must go to London now and see him.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40With his help, we may be able to bring this war to a successful end.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44That is why I need the knob. What is your decision?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Thank you, Paul.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58I brought this for your hair, Carrie. It may be windy.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Thank you. It's ever so nice. - Paul, have you been to the bathroom?
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Twice.
0:25:03 > 0:25:08Charles, put on something warmer. The bed may travel quite fast.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11I'm not going. I'm staying here.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12But why, Charlie?
0:25:12 > 0:25:18All that rubbish about a travelling bed. It won't work. That's why.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Carrie, help me to pull the bed out.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24We don't want to scratch the wall when we take off.
0:25:24 > 0:25:30How's a ruddy big bed gonna get out of here with those little windows?
0:25:30 > 0:25:35I don't know. There's a great many things about magic I don't know.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36We'll just have to find out.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Lovely. Just so's you leave me out of it.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42I don't fancy makin' a fool of myself.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45What's come over you lately? You're no fun anymore.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Help me tidy up the bed, Carrie.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51We don't want to go with an unmade bed. How old is Charles?
0:25:51 > 0:25:5211, going on 12.
0:25:52 > 0:25:58I see. That's what my father used to call the age of "not believing".
0:25:58 > 0:26:00What's that supposed to be?
0:26:00 > 0:26:04# When you rush around in hopeless circles
0:26:04 > 0:26:08# Searching everywhere for something true
0:26:09 > 0:26:12# You're at the age of not believing
0:26:12 > 0:26:16# When all the make believe is through... #
0:26:16 > 0:26:17That's Charlie to a "T".
0:26:17 > 0:26:22# When you set aside your childhood heroes
0:26:22 > 0:26:26# And your dreams are lost upon a shelf
0:26:26 > 0:26:31# You're at the age of not believing
0:26:31 > 0:26:34# And worst of all you doubt yourself... #
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Throw that into the waste basket.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41# You're a castaway where no-one hears you
0:26:41 > 0:26:44# On a barren isle in a lonely sea... #
0:26:44 > 0:26:47What's that meant to be? Poetry?
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# Where did all the happy endings go?
0:26:50 > 0:26:53# Where can all the good times be? #
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Everyone on the bed who's going.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00# You must face the age of not believing
0:27:00 > 0:27:03# Doubting everything you ever knew... #
0:27:03 > 0:27:05The knob, Paul.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09# Until at last you start believing
0:27:09 > 0:27:14# There's something wonderful in you... #
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Lovely sentiment, I'm sure.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- Are you ready, Paul? - Yes, Miss Price.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Repeat after me.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Take us to Professor Emelius Browne...
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Take us to Professor...
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- ..Emelius Browne.- Very good.
0:27:32 > 0:27:37Headmaster, Correspondence College of Witchcraft.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Headmaster,
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Correspondence
0:27:41 > 0:27:43College...
0:27:43 > 0:27:46..Of Witchcraft, London.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Of Witchcraft, London.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Now, when I say "go",
0:27:50 > 0:27:54tap the knob three times and turn it a quarter turn to the left.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59- ..Left.- That's it.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01We'd better hold on tight.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05The behaviour of the bed is something I'm not quite sure of.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Let me breathe a little!
0:28:08 > 0:28:11All right, Paul? Ready? Go.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13One...
0:28:13 > 0:28:14two...
0:28:14 > 0:28:16three...
0:28:16 > 0:28:18CAT GROWLS
0:29:10 > 0:29:15Is this London?
0:29:11 > 0:29:15Course it is. Can't you smell that lovely sooty air?
0:29:15 > 0:29:18- Marvellous, ain't it? - Charles, are you convinced?
0:29:18 > 0:29:21Not yet. I don't see no Prof Browne.
0:29:21 > 0:29:26Neither do I. Look after the bed while I make inquiries for him.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29I told you this bed wouldn't work.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Don't start that again.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35It didn't work proper. It was meant to take us to...
0:29:35 > 0:29:37Look!
0:29:37 > 0:29:40Professor Browne.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42Come on.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55Ladies and gentlemen, gather around, please!
0:29:55 > 0:30:01Please note the name, ladies and gentlemen! Prof Emelius Browne.
0:30:01 > 0:30:06I'm here to divert, to amuse, and yes, even to help you!
0:30:06 > 0:30:08There he is!
0:30:08 > 0:30:10It is not what things are...
0:30:12 > 0:30:15..it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, madam?
0:30:15 > 0:30:18He ain't the kind of professor I expected.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22He won't be the kind Miss Price expected, either.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25What effect a little smoke is!
0:30:25 > 0:30:29With a dash of hocus-pocus and the scent of burning...
0:30:29 > 0:30:33And the scent of burning sulphur in the air.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39For my next trick, may I draw your attention to
0:30:39 > 0:30:44this solid piece of window glass framed in an ordinary frame?
0:30:44 > 0:30:48May I also draw your attention to this ordinary steel nail?
0:30:48 > 0:30:50I shall place the framed glass
0:30:50 > 0:30:53in this brown, unprepared,
0:30:53 > 0:30:58unprepared, mark you, ladies and gentlemen, brown paper bag.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01I shall now attempt to drive the steel nail through the glass
0:31:01 > 0:31:04without breaking the glass! Impossible,
0:31:04 > 0:31:07I can hear you say. We shall see.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09GLASS BREAKS
0:31:11 > 0:31:14He ain't very good, even if he is a professor.
0:31:14 > 0:31:18I tell you what I'm going to do. No, ladies, don't go.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21Don't leave now and regret lost opportunities later.
0:31:28 > 0:31:33You, young sir, would you care to warble like the storied nightingale?
0:31:33 > 0:31:35With this inexpensive device
0:31:35 > 0:31:40you can charm the very birds down from the trees, like so.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42HE WARBLES
0:31:42 > 0:31:44How much?
0:31:44 > 0:31:46For you, sir, one penny.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48One copper coin of the realm.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56RASPBERRY-LIKE SOUND
0:31:56 > 0:32:00Carrie, I'm surprised at you, wandering off like this.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03We found Professor Browne for you.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05It don't work. I've been cheated.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Is that Professor Browne?
0:32:07 > 0:32:13It is. How may I serve you? Would you be interested in the mating call
0:32:13 > 0:32:17of the Brazilian matouacan bird, known as the bird of love?
0:32:17 > 0:32:19- HE TWEETS - Very useful, eh?
0:32:19 > 0:32:24You're the headmaster of the College of Witchcraft?
0:32:24 > 0:32:27Late headmaster. The college is now defunct.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29Prof Browne, I'm one of your pupils.
0:32:29 > 0:32:34My dear lady, you are indeed an ornament to the college.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Not at all.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38I was shocked when you closed it down
0:32:38 > 0:32:41without that most important last lesson.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Sorry, my dear, no refunds.
0:32:43 > 0:32:44Look at your contract.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48I must have the spell that comes with that lesson!
0:32:48 > 0:32:52The matter is closed. Good day. I have an appointment at my club.
0:32:52 > 0:32:55The matter is not closed. Don't let him get away.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57Righto!
0:32:59 > 0:33:01THEY SHOUT
0:33:01 > 0:33:03Leave go of me... Would you mind...?
0:33:03 > 0:33:06Bash him up, Paul!
0:33:06 > 0:33:09Would you get this child off my leg?
0:33:09 > 0:33:12"Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee!"
0:33:13 > 0:33:15Cor!
0:33:17 > 0:33:21Now, I trust you'll behave more like a gentleman.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24Look out!
0:33:24 > 0:33:27Well, there goes another rabbit.
0:33:27 > 0:33:28What was all that about?
0:33:28 > 0:33:31I changed you into a rabbit with one of your spells.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34My spell? From my school?!
0:33:34 > 0:33:37Not one of your best. It doesn't last
0:33:37 > 0:33:42very long. Some of your others are much better.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42But I don't understand. My spell?
0:33:42 > 0:33:46They were just nonsense words I got out of an old book.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49They work perfectly well for me!
0:33:49 > 0:33:51They work for you?
0:33:54 > 0:33:59Good woman, some kind of destiny has brought us together.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01You got the words out of an old book?
0:34:01 > 0:34:03More or less.
0:34:03 > 0:34:07I changed them round a bit. I gave them my own style.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09The old sorcerers had a tendency
0:34:09 > 0:34:12to waffle on. But, dear lady,
0:34:12 > 0:34:17I never thought I'd meet somebody like you. What a treasure.
0:34:17 > 0:34:22Will you please stick to the point! I would like to see this book
0:34:22 > 0:34:23immediately.
0:34:23 > 0:34:29Certainly. It's at my new town house. Would you join me for lunch?
0:34:29 > 0:34:31We can discuss my ideas at the same time.
0:34:31 > 0:34:32Thank you. We'd be delighted.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34We shall all go together.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36On the bed?
0:34:36 > 0:34:39On the bed, Paul. Come along.
0:34:41 > 0:34:45You go round the other side. I always travel on the left.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49Will you give the address to Paul, please?
0:34:49 > 0:34:52How are we going to get there on this bed? Fly?
0:34:52 > 0:34:55With your own travelling spell.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58The one you gave with the course as a bonus.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01My travelling spell? That works as well?
0:35:01 > 0:35:03Just give the address.
0:35:03 > 0:35:058 Wynchfield Road.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07Bed,
0:35:07 > 0:35:09take us to 8 Wynchfield Road.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17TINKLES
0:35:17 > 0:35:20Madam, is this vehicle safe?
0:35:20 > 0:35:26Oh, perfectly safe. A bit theatrical perhaps, but most good spells are.
0:35:59 > 0:36:03Well, we're here. I would never have believed it.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06This must be the wrong address. You don't live here.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09In point of fact, I do. Temporarily.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13I found the front door open, the house was deserted.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15Everyone has left the neighbourhood.
0:36:15 > 0:36:18Why should they do that?
0:36:18 > 0:36:21This probably has something to do with it.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25Merciful heavens!
0:36:25 > 0:36:27Aren't you terrified at the idea of living here?
0:36:27 > 0:36:29You'd have thought so.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33I am a coward. But then I pondered, as I often do
0:36:33 > 0:36:35in the perverse nature of things,
0:36:35 > 0:36:39this object is probably the best friend I've ever had.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42It enables me, for the first time, to live like a king.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45Shall we go in?
0:36:45 > 0:36:48Rothschild '26. Noble, worldly-wise,
0:36:48 > 0:36:51but with a charming touch of innocence.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53Mr Browne, the book.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56- Where is it? - You are relentless.
0:36:56 > 0:37:00It is in the library. We'll proceed there once we've eaten.
0:37:00 > 0:37:03Why are the curtains closed?
0:37:03 > 0:37:06So we may enjoy the gentle glow of candlelight.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10More likely so's a copper don't peek in and see you here.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13Why don't you look around? I want a chat with Miss Price.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15May we?
0:37:15 > 0:37:18Yes. But don't touch anything.
0:37:18 > 0:37:22Remember, this house does not belong to Mr Browne.
0:37:22 > 0:37:27Where is that book? I need the spell on substitutiary locomotion.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41What is it? A toy shop?
0:37:39 > 0:37:41No, it's a nursery.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45Ain't you never seen a nursery?
0:37:43 > 0:37:45No. And neither have you!
0:38:20 > 0:38:22Would you hold this, please?
0:38:35 > 0:38:37What do you think of that?
0:38:44 > 0:38:47Well, I don't know what to think.
0:38:47 > 0:38:51Think how successful I could be with an assistant who can do magic.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Oh?
0:38:54 > 0:38:57Have you ever considered entering show business?
0:38:57 > 0:38:59The what business?
0:38:59 > 0:39:02The theatre. Pantomimes, village fairs,
0:39:02 > 0:39:05the seaside! Brighton, Blackpool. Follies on the prom.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07I have very important work to do.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10We could make a packet.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12# Let us strike a bargain
0:39:12 > 0:39:14# You possess a gift
0:39:14 > 0:39:19# But I can speak the jargon that will give your gift the needed lift
0:39:19 > 0:39:23# You possess the know-how and I command the show-how
0:39:23 > 0:39:28# Oh, how successful you could be with me... #
0:39:28 > 0:39:31We're wasting valuable time.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33- What's your name?- Miss Price.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36- Your first name.- Eglantine. - Eglantine...
0:39:36 > 0:39:39# Eglantine, Eglantine
0:39:39 > 0:39:41# Oh, how you'll shine
0:39:41 > 0:39:45# Your lot and my lot have got to combine
0:39:45 > 0:39:49# Eglantine, Eglantine, hark to the stars
0:39:49 > 0:39:52# Destiny calls us, the future is ours
0:39:52 > 0:39:57# As the shine sells the boot and the blossoms the fruit
0:39:57 > 0:40:00# All you need to succeed in your plan
0:40:00 > 0:40:03# Is the proper ally upon whom to rely
0:40:03 > 0:40:07# And I'm your man
0:40:07 > 0:40:12# For I have an acumen that's nigh superhuman
0:40:12 > 0:40:15# I sell things that nobody can
0:40:15 > 0:40:19# So I humbly suggest you accept my behest
0:40:19 > 0:40:21# I'm your man
0:40:21 > 0:40:24# Eglantine, Eglantine... #
0:40:23 > 0:40:24Mr Browne!
0:40:24 > 0:40:27# Oh, how you'll shine... #
0:40:26 > 0:40:27Please stop that!
0:40:27 > 0:40:30# Your lot and my lot have got to combine
0:40:30 > 0:40:34# Eglantine, Eglantine, hark to the stars
0:40:34 > 0:40:37# Destiny calls us... #
0:40:41 > 0:40:44What are you reading?
0:40:45 > 0:40:47Isle Of Naboombu.
0:40:47 > 0:40:51- Can't be no such place. - There is too such a place.
0:40:51 > 0:40:54These pictures prove it.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56Bit weird, ain't it?
0:40:56 > 0:40:59Animals wearing hats and things.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02I like it.
0:41:02 > 0:41:04I warned you, Mr Browne.
0:41:04 > 0:41:08Now, where is the book? Well, where is it?
0:41:26 > 0:41:28At last, Mr Browne!
0:41:32 > 0:41:34The Spells of Astoroth.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36Of course.
0:41:36 > 0:41:40Ah, the travelling spell. This is where you got it.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44Does one's nose have to twitch like this?
0:41:44 > 0:41:48Oh, you're back, Mr Browne.
0:41:46 > 0:41:48A word about your tactics.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51I don't mind being changed into a hawk or tiger,
0:41:51 > 0:41:56or something with a bit of dash to it, but a rabbit! It's intolerable!
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Ah, here we are!
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Substitutiary locomotion.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04"The ancient art of..."
0:42:04 > 0:42:06"The spell
0:42:06 > 0:42:08"which creates this force
0:42:08 > 0:42:10"is five mystic words.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12"These words are..."
0:42:17 > 0:42:20But the rest of the book is missing.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23Now you see why I closed the college.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26But where are the other pages?
0:42:26 > 0:42:28Haven't the foggiest.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30- Listen to me, Mr Browne. - I'm all ears.
0:42:30 > 0:42:34You will be if you don't listen. Where did you get the book?
0:42:34 > 0:42:36From a chap in the market.
0:42:36 > 0:42:40There was some unpleasantness. He said I'd given him a dud coin.
0:42:40 > 0:42:45There was a scuffle. The book tore. He got one half, I got the other.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47Where's the other half now?
0:42:47 > 0:42:50Probably been thrown away. If it still exists,
0:42:50 > 0:42:52- there's only one place it'll be. - Where is it?
0:42:52 > 0:42:55# Portobello Road!
0:42:56 > 0:42:58# Portobello Road!
0:42:58 > 0:43:02# Street where the riches of ages are stowed
0:43:02 > 0:43:05# Anything and everything a chap can unload
0:43:05 > 0:43:08# Is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road
0:43:08 > 0:43:13# You'll find what you want in the Portobello Road
0:43:15 > 0:43:19- # Rare alabaster - Genuine plaster
0:43:19 > 0:43:22# A filigreed samovar owned by the tsars
0:43:22 > 0:43:25- # A pen used by Shelley - A new Botticelli
0:43:25 > 0:43:29# The snippers that clipped old King Edward's cigars... #
0:43:29 > 0:43:33Made in Hong Kong. Two bob a dozen, would you say?
0:43:33 > 0:43:36- # Waterford crystal! - Napoleon's pistols
0:43:36 > 0:43:39# Society heirlooms with genuine gems!
0:43:39 > 0:43:43# Rembrandts, El Grecos Toulouse-Lautrecos
0:43:43 > 0:43:47# Painted last week on the banks of the Thames... #
0:43:47 > 0:43:50Very interesting. But where do they sell books?
0:43:50 > 0:43:52A place around the corner.
0:43:52 > 0:43:56ALL: # Portobello Road, Portobello Road
0:43:56 > 0:43:59# Street where the riches of ages are stowed
0:43:59 > 0:44:03# Anything and everything a chap can unload
0:44:03 > 0:44:06# Is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road
0:44:06 > 0:44:10# You'll meet all your chums in the Portobello Road... #
0:44:10 > 0:44:13Lovely to see you. Goodbye.
0:44:15 > 0:44:18What I want is the other half of this book.
0:44:18 > 0:44:20All in good time, my dear.
0:44:20 > 0:44:23# Burke's Peerage, The Bride Book, The Fishmonger's Guide Book... #
0:44:23 > 0:44:26I'm looking for the other part of this, thank you.
0:44:26 > 0:44:28# Victorian novels The Unwanted Son
0:44:28 > 0:44:30You don't understand...
0:44:30 > 0:44:34- # The History of Potting - The Yearbook of Yachting
0:44:34 > 0:44:37# The leather-bound life of Attila The Hun
0:44:37 > 0:44:40# Portobello Road, Portobello Road
0:44:40 > 0:44:43# Street where the riches of ages are stowed
0:44:43 > 0:44:46# Artefacts to glorify a regal abode
0:44:46 > 0:44:49# Are hidden in the flotsam in Portobello Road... #
0:44:49 > 0:44:52Who do you think you are? The Queen of Sheba?
0:44:52 > 0:44:55# Tokens and treasures Yesterday's pleasures
0:44:55 > 0:44:58# Cheap imitations and heirlooms of old
0:44:58 > 0:45:01# Dented and tarnished Scarred and unvarnished
0:45:01 > 0:45:03# In old Portobello... #
0:45:03 > 0:45:09This lady is looking for the other half of this book.
0:45:06 > 0:45:09It's called The Spells of Astoroth.
0:45:10 > 0:45:14I don't keep no torn or damaged books here.
0:45:14 > 0:45:19What d'you think I am? A ruddy wastepaper merchant?
0:45:19 > 0:45:23# You can eat like a king in the Portobello Road... #
0:45:24 > 0:45:28If I'm right, there's another book stall along here.
0:45:28 > 0:45:33Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that? Let me have a go.
0:45:33 > 0:45:34Ohh!
0:45:34 > 0:45:38- UPBEAT: - # Portobello Road! Portobello Road!
0:45:38 > 0:45:42# Happy things are happening in Portobello Road!
0:45:42 > 0:45:46# You feel like a ballerina when you're hopping like a toad
0:45:46 > 0:45:49# When you kick your heels up down in Portobello Road... #
0:45:49 > 0:45:52BAND PLAYS JAZZ MUSIC
0:47:26 > 0:47:28ALL LAUGH
0:47:30 > 0:47:33BAGPIPE MUSIC
0:48:11 > 0:48:13SCOTTISH REEL
0:48:15 > 0:48:17Come on, ducks!
0:48:19 > 0:48:22Come on, girls!
0:48:32 > 0:48:34Lovely!
0:48:41 > 0:48:46CALYPSO MUSIC: Oh yeah, play them drums!
0:48:47 > 0:48:49Oh yeah!
0:48:49 > 0:48:52Oh yeah!
0:49:36 > 0:49:39ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
0:50:03 > 0:50:06JAZZ MUSIC
0:50:22 > 0:50:26- BELL RINGS - Closing time!
0:50:26 > 0:50:29Closing time! Closing time!
0:50:30 > 0:50:34Closing time! Closing time!
0:50:36 > 0:50:39- Bye.- Bye.- Bye.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53# Portobello Road!
0:50:54 > 0:50:56# Portobello Road!
0:50:58 > 0:51:00# Street where the riches
0:51:00 > 0:51:04# Of ages are stowed
0:51:04 > 0:51:08# Anything and everything a chap can unload... #
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Hey, guv'nor!
0:51:10 > 0:51:13Oi! Somethin' for the lady friend? Nylons?
0:51:13 > 0:51:15No, thank you.
0:51:15 > 0:51:17Petrol coupons? Chocs for the kids?
0:51:17 > 0:51:20How about these? Fell off the back of a lorry.
0:51:20 > 0:51:24- Be a good chap and run away. - Would you fancy this, then?
0:51:24 > 0:51:28Ah, now you have my undivided attention. What can I do for you?
0:51:28 > 0:51:33Get over to the bookman straight away. He wants to see you. You, too.
0:51:33 > 0:51:38Who is the bookman? What right has he got to order me about?
0:51:38 > 0:51:40Let's ask questions later. Excuse me.
0:51:45 > 0:51:48Sorry. No-one mentioned the stairs.
0:51:48 > 0:51:51Why didn't you bring Scotland Yard?
0:51:51 > 0:51:56And half the Household Cavalry as well?! What's the bed for?!
0:51:56 > 0:51:58A present for ya. That's what he said.
0:51:58 > 0:52:01Nothing of the sort! It belongs to me!
0:52:01 > 0:52:03And this knob is mine.
0:52:03 > 0:52:05There's been bad blood
0:52:05 > 0:52:09between us long enough. Let this gift begin friendship anew.
0:52:09 > 0:52:12Draw the curtains, lock the door.
0:52:12 > 0:52:13You'll be snug as a bug.
0:52:13 > 0:52:17Isn't that what we've been looking for?
0:52:17 > 0:52:18Who is this person?
0:52:18 > 0:52:22Eglantine Price, a charming woman of my acquaintance.
0:52:22 > 0:52:25I've been looking for this other bit a long time.
0:52:25 > 0:52:30Mr Swinburne told me you were in the market making inquiries.
0:52:30 > 0:52:34I don't mind saying, to see it altogether at last,
0:52:34 > 0:52:36there isn't much I wouldn't do.
0:52:36 > 0:52:40Or haven't done, for that matter. Right, guv?
0:52:40 > 0:52:44Close your mouth, Swinburne! Is that clear?!
0:52:44 > 0:52:49It's all rather like a jolly detective story, or jigsaw puzzle.
0:52:49 > 0:52:52We're both after the same spell.
0:52:52 > 0:52:55You have one clue, I have the other.
0:52:55 > 0:53:00In that case, the sensible thing seems to be for us to cooperate.
0:53:00 > 0:53:06Yes. I assume you're looking for the same thing I am.
0:53:06 > 0:53:08May I?
0:53:08 > 0:53:13This is quite a moment for both of us.
0:53:13 > 0:53:18"Substitutiary locomotion, the lost miracle of the Ancients."
0:53:18 > 0:53:21And so on and so forth. Ah, here we are.
0:53:21 > 0:53:26"The spell which creates this force is five mystic words.
0:53:26 > 0:53:28"These words are..."
0:53:28 > 0:53:33"Engraved on the star always worn by the sorcerer Astoroth."
0:53:33 > 0:53:35Where are the words of the spell?
0:53:35 > 0:53:39I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript.
0:53:39 > 0:53:41I thought they'd be in yours.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43Once again,
0:53:43 > 0:53:45a dead end.
0:53:45 > 0:53:48I shall never know the secret.
0:53:50 > 0:53:53Isn't that Astoroth? There's his star.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56It's so small you can't read the writing.
0:53:56 > 0:54:01But why the animals?
0:53:57 > 0:54:01Towards the end of his life, he kept animals in cages
0:54:01 > 0:54:05and searched for the spells that'd make them more like humans.
0:54:05 > 0:54:09The legend is the animals rebelled at the experiment,
0:54:09 > 0:54:13killed Astoroth, and stole many of his powers.
0:54:13 > 0:54:16Including the star with the spell on it.
0:54:16 > 0:54:21Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away, and were never heard of again.
0:54:21 > 0:54:26However, there's a final notation in my half of the book, saying that
0:54:26 > 0:54:30in the 17th century, a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea,
0:54:30 > 0:54:36half mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. Before he died,
0:54:36 > 0:54:39he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals.
0:54:39 > 0:54:41Where?
0:54:41 > 0:54:45There is, I regret to say, no such island.
0:54:45 > 0:54:49I looked for it in every chart. The Isle of Naboombu
0:54:49 > 0:54:51does not exist.
0:54:51 > 0:54:55Oh, it does too! Got me own...
0:54:55 > 0:54:57What is he trying to say?
0:54:57 > 0:55:01Nothing. When he don't say nothing he burbles.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03I wish the child to speak!
0:55:03 > 0:55:05Now you've done it.
0:55:05 > 0:55:08There is, too, such a place.
0:55:08 > 0:55:13Got me own book. There. Real pretty letters, ain't it?
0:55:13 > 0:55:16Let me see it.
0:55:16 > 0:55:19You're not interested. It's a child's book.
0:55:19 > 0:55:22I'll decide for myself. Give it.
0:55:21 > 0:55:22No!
0:55:22 > 0:55:26Please don't annoy me. Give me the book, boy.
0:55:27 > 0:55:28Not likely.
0:55:28 > 0:55:31Bit of a stalemate, isn't it?
0:55:36 > 0:55:41If it's all the same to you, I'd rather use my own. Sentiment.
0:55:41 > 0:55:44Come along, Paul. It's time to go.
0:55:44 > 0:55:46Go? How, my dear?
0:55:46 > 0:55:48The door is locked.
0:55:48 > 0:55:52Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55You believe in no-one or anything.
0:55:54 > 0:55:55I understand. The knob.
0:55:55 > 0:55:59Do you realise we can tell them the truth?
0:55:59 > 0:56:00They will believe nothing!
0:56:00 > 0:56:03He's up to something, you know?
0:56:03 > 0:56:08Bookman, before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed to disappear.
0:56:08 > 0:56:13Disappear? I'd like to see a cheap-jack, 10th-rate entertainer
0:56:13 > 0:56:15do a trick like that.
0:56:15 > 0:56:18Cheap-jack entertainer! That was naughty.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20- All right, Paul.- Where to?
0:56:20 > 0:56:24The island of Naboombu. I'm curious about that place.
0:56:24 > 0:56:28Good. Bed, take us to the island of Naboombu.
0:56:32 > 0:56:33TINKLES
0:56:33 > 0:56:36Enough of this nonsense. Get the book.
0:56:46 > 0:56:48WIND WHISTLES
0:56:54 > 0:56:56SPLASH!
0:57:10 > 0:57:14Beastly climate. I never did fancy the sea.
0:57:14 > 0:57:15Where are we?
0:57:15 > 0:57:17Naboombu, of course.
0:57:17 > 0:57:20I ain't never seen no island like this before.
0:57:20 > 0:57:23We may have fallen into the lagoon.
0:57:23 > 0:57:27That's right. Here we are, on page three.
0:57:33 > 0:57:35Oi, Mr Codfish!
0:57:36 > 0:57:40Hello, young fellow. Welcome to Naboombu Lagoon.
0:57:40 > 0:57:44Now I'm hearing things. Fish don't talk.
0:57:44 > 0:57:46Not too bright, is he?
0:57:46 > 0:57:48He's me brother.
0:57:48 > 0:57:50Oh? Sorry.
0:57:50 > 0:57:54Mr Codfish, where is the island of Naboombu?
0:57:54 > 0:57:57You mean the land part? Oh, that.
0:57:57 > 0:57:59Straight up. You can't miss it.
0:57:59 > 0:58:05None of my business, of course, but I shouldn't go there if I were you.
0:58:05 > 0:58:07Having troubles, they are.
0:58:07 > 0:58:09Troubles?
0:58:09 > 0:58:12He's right, you know. A lot of trouble.
0:58:12 > 0:58:17Trouble or not, let's get along. I wish to see who's in charge.
0:58:17 > 0:58:21What's the rush? It's splendid down here. For you.
0:58:21 > 0:58:23Oh, thank you.
0:58:26 > 0:58:28NEIGHS
0:58:30 > 0:58:33# How pleasant bobbing along
0:58:33 > 0:58:39# Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
0:58:39 > 0:58:41# What a chance
0:58:41 > 0:58:46# To get a better peep at the plants
0:58:46 > 0:58:48# And creatures of the deep
0:58:48 > 0:58:50# We glide
0:58:50 > 0:58:55# Far below the rolling tide
0:58:56 > 0:58:58# Serene
0:58:59 > 0:59:03# Through the bubbly blue and green
0:59:03 > 0:59:06# It's lovely bobbing along
0:59:06 > 0:59:12# Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
0:59:13 > 0:59:19# What if the octopus, the flounder and the cod think we're rather odd?
0:59:19 > 0:59:22# It's fun to promenade
0:59:22 > 0:59:24# Bobbing along, singing a song
0:59:24 > 0:59:28# On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea... #
0:59:28 > 0:59:30Look!
0:59:47 > 0:59:49THEY PLAY "BOBBING ALONG"
1:00:02 > 1:00:04THEY GURGLE TUNE
1:00:16 > 1:00:18HE PERFORMS SOLO
1:00:30 > 1:00:32CLACKING CASTANETS
1:00:34 > 1:00:36THEY SIZZLE
1:01:02 > 1:01:04# It's lovely bobbing along
1:01:05 > 1:01:10# Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
1:01:12 > 1:01:15# What a chance to get a better peep
1:01:15 > 1:01:20# At the plants and creatures of the deep
1:01:20 > 1:01:23# It's grand
1:01:23 > 1:01:26# When you're dancing on the sand
1:01:28 > 1:01:30# Each glance
1:01:31 > 1:01:35# Bubbles over with romance
1:01:35 > 1:01:38# It's lovely bobbing along
1:01:39 > 1:01:44# Bobbing along through the water where we get along...swimmingly
1:01:44 > 1:01:49# Far from the frenzy of the frantic world above
1:01:49 > 1:01:51# Two beneath the blue
1:01:51 > 1:01:53# Could even fall in love
1:01:53 > 1:01:57# Bobbing along, singing a song
1:01:57 > 1:02:00# On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
1:02:02 > 1:02:04# Bobbing along, singing a song
1:02:04 > 1:02:10# On the bottom of the beautiful briny, shimmery shiny
1:02:10 > 1:02:12# Beautiful briny sea! #
1:02:16 > 1:02:18Bravo! Bravo!
1:02:19 > 1:02:21Most exciting. Most exciting!
1:02:21 > 1:02:23You've won the ruddy cup!
1:02:23 > 1:02:25APPLAUSE
1:02:46 > 1:02:49Help! Help!
1:02:58 > 1:03:00LINE WHIRS
1:03:00 > 1:03:02Oh, this time
1:03:02 > 1:03:04I really got a whopper!
1:03:06 > 1:03:08Yaaaaaaah!!
1:03:10 > 1:03:12THUD!
1:03:12 > 1:03:14People?! People!
1:03:14 > 1:03:16Oh, no!
1:03:16 > 1:03:19What scurvy luck!
1:03:19 > 1:03:20My goodness!
1:03:20 > 1:03:21I'll deal with this.
1:03:21 > 1:03:23Don't you know, er...
1:03:23 > 1:03:27Good day, Captain. I used to be a seafaring man myself.
1:03:27 > 1:03:32Many's the time I've shipped out of Portsmouth. Delighted to meet you.
1:03:32 > 1:03:35Huh? Now, stow it, mate!
1:03:35 > 1:03:37Oh, really!
1:03:37 > 1:03:39Can't you read readin'? Huh?!
1:03:39 > 1:03:41It says, um,
1:03:41 > 1:03:43"No peopling
1:03:43 > 1:03:45"allowed!"
1:03:45 > 1:03:47No peopling allowed? Ridiculous!
1:03:47 > 1:03:50Don't antagonise him, Mr Browne.
1:03:50 > 1:03:54That means I gotta ta-ta-ta... throw you all back.
1:03:54 > 1:03:56Wait a minute!
1:03:56 > 1:04:00It says here that anybody can see the King, and that's the law.
1:04:00 > 1:04:02W-Where do it say that?
1:04:02 > 1:04:04Here, in me book.
1:04:04 > 1:04:06Hm-hm. So it do.
1:04:06 > 1:04:08Aaah!
1:04:08 > 1:04:12But if you people knew what was good for ya,
1:04:12 > 1:04:15you'd get yourselves all t-t-t-throwed back.
1:04:15 > 1:04:18The King don't like people!
1:04:18 > 1:04:23None the less, we must see the King on an urgent personal matter.
1:04:23 > 1:04:25Please lead the way.
1:04:25 > 1:04:28B-But just don't say I didn't warn ya.
1:04:28 > 1:04:30See!
1:04:30 > 1:04:33Follow me.
1:04:33 > 1:04:35HE SINGS SEA SHANTY
1:04:46 > 1:04:48ROARING
1:04:48 > 1:04:50WIND WHISTLES
1:04:51 > 1:04:53ROARING
1:04:56 > 1:04:58Get out of here!!
1:05:04 > 1:05:06HE CLEARS THROAT
1:05:06 > 1:05:09Yes, yes, what can I do for you?
1:05:09 > 1:05:13I, er, caught some people down at the sea lagoon.
1:05:13 > 1:05:15They wanna see the King.
1:05:15 > 1:05:21Really? Well, we can't be bothered with that sort of thing now.
1:05:21 > 1:05:22ROARING
1:05:22 > 1:05:25I don't know that I fancy this.
1:05:25 > 1:05:29His Majesty is in a frightful rage.
1:05:29 > 1:05:33Excuse me. As an all-round entertainer of sorts,
1:05:33 > 1:05:36I am considered not without talent. Perhaps I can cheer him up.
1:05:36 > 1:05:39No, no, no. You don't understand.
1:05:39 > 1:05:42As everyone knows,
1:05:42 > 1:05:46His Majesty is the world's greatest soccer player.
1:05:46 > 1:05:49ROARING / WIND WHISTLES
1:05:51 > 1:05:54But due to a technical problem,
1:05:54 > 1:05:57the Royal Cup match cannot take place today.
1:05:57 > 1:06:01And His Majesty had so set his heart on it.
1:06:01 > 1:06:06Throw these, um, oh, creatures back into the sea.
1:06:06 > 1:06:08Aye, aye, sir.
1:06:08 > 1:06:10Just a moment! I can help.
1:06:11 > 1:06:16Do you really think so? I'd be most grateful. Do you know soccer?
1:06:16 > 1:06:19Do I know anything about soccer?
1:06:19 > 1:06:23I was captain of Tottenham Hotspurs for two years.
1:06:23 > 1:06:25Three seasons with Manchester United.
1:06:25 > 1:06:27< Yes, yes, you'll do.
1:06:27 > 1:06:30Come this way, please.
1:06:30 > 1:06:32Are you certain you'll be all right?
1:06:36 > 1:06:39- ROARING - Now what?!!
1:06:39 > 1:06:42Not an ideal person in many respects,
1:06:42 > 1:06:46but Mr Browne is a very brave man.
1:06:46 > 1:06:48ROARING / WIND WHISTLES
1:06:49 > 1:06:52Do you think he's done for?
1:06:55 > 1:06:57ROARS WITH LAUGHTER
1:06:57 > 1:06:59Do you think so?
1:07:04 > 1:07:08I can't tell you how I appreciate this.
1:07:08 > 1:07:10For some reason
1:07:10 > 1:07:12we have great difficulty
1:07:12 > 1:07:14finding referees
1:07:14 > 1:07:16round here.
1:07:16 > 1:07:18If there be one thing we like,
1:07:18 > 1:07:21it's volunteers.
1:07:21 > 1:07:23Eh, birdie?
1:07:23 > 1:07:26HE LAUGHS
1:07:26 > 1:07:29He's a proper king. Look at his crown.
1:07:29 > 1:07:31What's he got round his neck?
1:07:31 > 1:07:35What a magnificent ornament, sire.
1:07:35 > 1:07:38Ah, yes.
1:07:38 > 1:07:40Wouldn't be without it.
1:07:40 > 1:07:42Been in the family for years.
1:07:42 > 1:07:44The Star of Astoroth!
1:07:47 > 1:07:50You're to sit in His Majesty's royal box.
1:07:50 > 1:07:54No littering, chewing, no fruit, or wrappers from boiled sweets.
1:07:59 > 1:08:01HE PLAYS A FANFARE
1:08:04 > 1:08:06Rise, please!
1:08:09 > 1:08:11Loyal fans,
1:08:11 > 1:08:14this is official!
1:08:14 > 1:08:16We have
1:08:16 > 1:08:18a volunteer referee!
1:08:19 > 1:08:22WHISTLING / CHEERING
1:08:29 > 1:08:31APPLAUSE
1:08:31 > 1:08:33Let the match
1:08:33 > 1:08:35begin!
1:08:35 > 1:08:37CROWD ROARS
1:08:37 > 1:08:39He's still wearing it.
1:08:40 > 1:08:42Dirty Yellows, let's have a nice clean game!
1:08:42 > 1:08:44BARKING / SNARLING
1:08:44 > 1:08:48Right, True Blues, best foot forward!
1:08:48 > 1:08:50KNEES KNOCKING
1:08:55 > 1:08:57WHISTLE BLOWS
1:08:57 > 1:08:58HE ROARS
1:09:00 > 1:09:02CROWD CHEERS
1:09:11 > 1:09:13THUD!
1:09:20 > 1:09:21BLOWS RASPBERRY
1:09:21 > 1:09:23Aaaaargh!
1:09:23 > 1:09:25Weird sort of game they play here.
1:09:25 > 1:09:27TEETH CHATTER
1:09:30 > 1:09:32TRAIN WHISTLE
1:09:32 > 1:09:34CROWD JEERS
1:09:39 > 1:09:40ALL CHEER
1:09:43 > 1:09:45TRAIN WHISTLE
1:09:46 > 1:09:48BRAKES SQUEAL
1:09:57 > 1:10:00CROWD: Aah!
1:10:04 > 1:10:06Hurry up! Get rid of it!
1:10:09 > 1:10:11SNARLING / BARKING
1:10:16 > 1:10:18CROWD JEERS
1:10:18 > 1:10:20BLOWS WHISTLE
1:10:23 > 1:10:25CROWD CHEERS
1:10:27 > 1:10:29Good gracious!
1:10:29 > 1:10:31You're doin' fine,
1:10:31 > 1:10:34matey!
1:10:34 > 1:10:36CROWD JEERS
1:10:38 > 1:10:41Move it around! Move it around!
1:10:43 > 1:10:44Get on with the match!
1:10:54 > 1:10:56HYENA LAUGHS
1:11:01 > 1:11:03- Foul!- They're only animals.
1:11:03 > 1:11:06No excuse for dirty football.
1:11:11 > 1:11:13Ooh! Ohh!
1:11:24 > 1:11:25Aaah!
1:11:25 > 1:11:27SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!
1:11:27 > 1:11:30WHISTLE BLOWS
1:11:33 > 1:11:35Ref, are you blind?!
1:11:35 > 1:11:38Be quiet. Don't forget who the referee is.
1:11:46 > 1:11:48CROWD APPLAUD
1:11:48 > 1:11:50HE LAUGHS
1:11:50 > 1:11:52HE CRIES
1:11:58 > 1:12:00Don't they have no rules?
1:12:00 > 1:12:03The King makes 'em up as he goes along.
1:12:03 > 1:12:05WHISTLE BLOWS, SQUEAKS
1:12:11 > 1:12:13CROWD ROARS
1:12:19 > 1:12:20Aaah!
1:12:20 > 1:12:21GULPS
1:12:24 > 1:12:27BLOWS WHISTLE
1:12:41 > 1:12:43CROWD APPLAUD
1:12:45 > 1:12:49Poor Mr Browne. Do you think he's all right?
1:12:49 > 1:12:51Well, he's moving.
1:12:51 > 1:12:55Steady, matey. Move it around.
1:12:55 > 1:12:57CROWD BOOS
1:12:59 > 1:13:01THUD!
1:13:01 > 1:13:04Tsk! Oh, he almost had it then.
1:13:15 > 1:13:17Yaaah!
1:13:20 > 1:13:22CROWD CHEERS
1:13:22 > 1:13:25Looks like he's done for this time.
1:13:30 > 1:13:33Argh!
1:13:43 > 1:13:46Don't just stand there! Head it in!
1:13:53 > 1:13:55SLOW HAND CLAP
1:14:01 > 1:14:03CROWD: Ohh!
1:14:03 > 1:14:05POP! / BALL HISSES
1:14:22 > 1:14:24Stop...
1:14:24 > 1:14:25THAT...
1:14:25 > 1:14:27BALL!!
1:14:27 > 1:14:30WIND WHISTLES
1:14:42 > 1:14:44HE TRUMPETS
1:14:54 > 1:14:59BALL HISSES
1:15:01 > 1:15:02ALL CHEER
1:15:02 > 1:15:04Goal!
1:15:04 > 1:15:06Game's over.
1:15:06 > 1:15:08I win!
1:15:08 > 1:15:11BLOWS WHISTLE WEAKLY
1:15:13 > 1:15:16Ah, let me give you a hand, matey.
1:15:16 > 1:15:19That's quite all right, Your Majesty.
1:15:19 > 1:15:22Oh, please, let me help you on with your robe.
1:15:22 > 1:15:24Why, yes, thank you.
1:15:24 > 1:15:27Can't have you catching cold, sire, can we?
1:15:27 > 1:15:29Why, no.
1:15:29 > 1:15:32Have you ever heard of something called The Gypsy Switch?
1:15:32 > 1:15:35No. Can't say that I have.
1:15:35 > 1:15:36Remind me to tell you about it sometime.
1:15:36 > 1:15:39We've had such a good time.
1:15:39 > 1:15:42We'll carry your memory in our hearts for a long while.
1:15:42 > 1:15:45I think it's time to leave.
1:15:45 > 1:15:47Aye. Must you go?
1:15:47 > 1:15:52We must be dashing. Marvellous game. Lovely to see you. Goodbye.
1:15:52 > 1:15:55- Goodbye.- Goodbye. - ALL: Goodbye.
1:15:55 > 1:15:58Friendly lot.
1:15:58 > 1:16:03Don't mind 'em visiting. Wouldn't want 'em livin' here.
1:16:03 > 1:16:05THE KING LAUGHS
1:16:05 > 1:16:07Come along, children.
1:16:07 > 1:16:09Come on, children. Hurry up.
1:16:11 > 1:16:13STUTTERS INAUDIBLY
1:16:13 > 1:16:18Stop gibberin'! What's the matter with you?
1:16:18 > 1:16:20- ECHOES:- Your Royal Star!
1:16:20 > 1:16:23They've stolen your Royal Star!
1:16:23 > 1:16:25HE LAUGHS
1:16:25 > 1:16:30Don't be ridiculous! What do you think that is?
1:16:33 > 1:16:35WHISTLE BLOWS
1:16:37 > 1:16:43- WIND WHISTLES - WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?!
1:16:43 > 1:16:47All right, Paul, put the knob on the bed.
1:16:48 > 1:16:50At last, the magic words.
1:16:50 > 1:16:54Treguna, mekoides, trecorum, satis, dee.
1:16:54 > 1:16:58I'll keep it. Women always lose things.
1:16:58 > 1:17:01ROARING
1:17:01 > 1:17:03Hurry, Paul. The knob!
1:17:03 > 1:17:04It's stuck!
1:17:06 > 1:17:08I'd better do something.
1:17:08 > 1:17:10Please do...quick.
1:17:10 > 1:17:11ROARING
1:17:11 > 1:17:14Got it.
1:17:16 > 1:17:19Filigree, apogee, pedigree...
1:17:21 > 1:17:23Oh, bother!
1:17:23 > 1:17:26I do hate shoddy work.
1:17:39 > 1:17:41CAT MEOWS
1:17:45 > 1:17:48TINKLING
1:17:48 > 1:17:50CAT YOWLS
1:17:50 > 1:17:54I don't suppose I shall ever get used to this thing.
1:17:54 > 1:17:56Children, push the bed back into place.
1:17:56 > 1:17:59We could all do with a cup of tea.
1:17:59 > 1:18:03No time. I've gone to a lot of trouble to find this spell.
1:18:03 > 1:18:05I'm going to try it immediately.
1:18:05 > 1:18:08Mr Browne, kindly let me have your shoes, please.
1:18:08 > 1:18:10Oh, fine.
1:18:10 > 1:18:13- What's the shoes for? - Really, Charles.
1:18:13 > 1:18:17If you'd been listening, you'd know substitutiary locomotion is
1:18:17 > 1:18:22the art of causing inanimate objects to take on a life force of their own.
1:18:22 > 1:18:25I must have inanimate objects to experiment with.
1:18:25 > 1:18:27Makes sense, don't it?
1:18:27 > 1:18:31Stand back, everyone. I need plenty of room.
1:18:36 > 1:18:40I want you all to be absolutely quiet. Mr Browne,
1:18:40 > 1:18:43you have the Star of Astoroth I believe.
1:18:43 > 1:18:46Oh, yes. It's in my nice clean hanky.
1:18:46 > 1:18:49TINKLES
1:18:51 > 1:18:56It's OK. I should've realised it would be quite impossible
1:18:56 > 1:18:59to take an object from one world into another.
1:19:01 > 1:19:07Tsk. If only I'd have had the sense to remember the words on that star.
1:19:07 > 1:19:08I know the words, Miss Price.
1:19:08 > 1:19:11Don't bother her. She's thinking.
1:19:11 > 1:19:14Let's nip to the village and buy supper.
1:19:14 > 1:19:19I might conceivably call into the pub for a pint, to steady my nerves.
1:19:19 > 1:19:22- Trebonna... - I do know the words.
1:19:22 > 1:19:28Come along. How can you know the words when Miss Price doesn't?
1:19:28 > 1:19:33"..Troop movements and massing of barges in French and Dutch ports."
1:19:33 > 1:19:36"The nation has been told to be
1:19:36 > 1:19:39"on the alert for signs of a possible invasion..."
1:19:39 > 1:19:42I might've been able to do something about all this.
1:19:42 > 1:19:44It's out of your hands now.
1:19:44 > 1:19:47If only I could remember those words. It's maddening.
1:19:47 > 1:19:50Why don't someone ask me?
1:19:50 > 1:19:54Come off it. You can't remember those kind of words.
1:19:54 > 1:19:57You mean like treguna, mekoides,
1:19:57 > 1:19:59trecorum, satis, dee?
1:19:59 > 1:20:05Treguna, mekoides, trecorum, satis, dee? How do you know that?
1:20:05 > 1:20:07Easy. Says so right 'ere in me book.
1:20:10 > 1:20:14You mean it was there in your book all the time?
1:20:15 > 1:20:18Yeah. But nobody ever listens to me.
1:20:18 > 1:20:20Treguna,
1:20:20 > 1:20:22mekoides,
1:20:22 > 1:20:23trecorum,
1:20:23 > 1:20:25satis, dee.
1:20:27 > 1:20:28Nothing 'appened!
1:20:28 > 1:20:30(Ssh!)
1:20:30 > 1:20:32Am I doing something wrong?
1:20:32 > 1:20:36It does seem a bit old fashioned. We are in the 20th Century.
1:20:36 > 1:20:39What do you suggest?
1:20:39 > 1:20:41Well, it needs rhythm.
1:20:41 > 1:20:43Tempo. Music. As I always say,
1:20:43 > 1:20:45"Do it with a flair." Mind if I have a go?
1:20:45 > 1:20:47Course not.
1:20:47 > 1:20:51Now, come along, you lot. We need all the help we can get!
1:20:51 > 1:20:55ALL CHANT: Treguna, mekoides, trecorum, satis, dee.
1:20:55 > 1:20:59Treguna, mekoides, trecorum, satis, dee...
1:20:59 > 1:21:02# Substitutiary locomotion
1:21:02 > 1:21:07# Mystic power that's far beyond the wildest notion
1:21:07 > 1:21:11# It's so weird, so feared and yet wonderful to see
1:21:11 > 1:21:15# Substitutiary locomotion come to me... #
1:21:15 > 1:21:17Sssh! Now.
1:21:20 > 1:21:22Treguna,
1:21:22 > 1:21:24mekoides,
1:21:24 > 1:21:26trecorum,
1:21:26 > 1:21:28satis, dee!
1:21:31 > 1:21:32Cor!
1:21:32 > 1:21:34YOWLS
1:21:34 > 1:21:38Treguna, mekoides and trecorum, satis, dee...
1:21:38 > 1:21:42# I don't want locomotiary substitution
1:21:42 > 1:21:46# Or remote intransitory convolution
1:21:46 > 1:21:51# Only one precise solution is the key
1:21:51 > 1:21:55# Substitutiary locomotion it must be
1:21:55 > 1:21:59ALL: # Treguna, mekoides and trecorum, satis, dee. #
1:21:59 > 1:22:02SHOES TAP
1:22:15 > 1:22:17Ohh!
1:22:17 > 1:22:19ALL LAUGH
1:22:20 > 1:22:24# Substitutiary locomotion
1:22:24 > 1:22:27# Lovely substitutiary locomotion
1:22:27 > 1:22:31# You've made substitutiary history
1:22:31 > 1:22:36# With treguna, mekoides and a little help from me
1:22:36 > 1:22:38# With treguna, mekoides and... #
1:22:38 > 1:22:40RAPPING ON DOOR
1:22:45 > 1:22:46Lummy!
1:22:55 > 1:22:58Mr Browne, what is going on here?
1:22:58 > 1:23:00I haven't the foggiest.
1:23:00 > 1:23:02How do you do? Oh, shall we?
1:23:03 > 1:23:05That's my nightgown!
1:23:05 > 1:23:06Is it really?
1:23:06 > 1:23:09Yes. I'm not responsible for its behaviour.
1:23:09 > 1:23:12Obviously not, my dear. One, two...
1:23:12 > 1:23:15Paul, what on earth are you doing?
1:23:15 > 1:23:18Havin' a jolly good time, that's what.
1:23:18 > 1:23:19How can we stop this?
1:23:19 > 1:23:21Must we? It's most agreeable.
1:23:21 > 1:23:23But we must do something.
1:23:23 > 1:23:26Didn't I give you my cutoff spell? Lesson No 8.
1:23:26 > 1:23:28Number eight!
1:23:28 > 1:23:30Oi, me Sunday trousers!
1:23:33 > 1:23:38Buzz off, old chap. Find your own dancing partner. Ooh!
1:23:40 > 1:23:41Ow!
1:23:44 > 1:23:46Ohh!
1:23:46 > 1:23:48Ooh! Aaah!
1:23:50 > 1:23:53Be careful, Carrie. Slow down!
1:23:55 > 1:23:57Charles!
1:23:59 > 1:24:01Mr Browne, control your shoes!
1:24:01 > 1:24:06Dear lady, I very much fear we have nothing under control!
1:24:07 > 1:24:09Ooh! Ah! Ooh!
1:24:09 > 1:24:12CROCKERY SMASHING/CAT MEOWING
1:24:19 > 1:24:21Ah! Aaah!
1:24:25 > 1:24:27Do you mind!
1:24:43 > 1:24:47Who'd like some more of my lovely sausages and mash?
1:24:47 > 1:24:48No more for me, thank you.
1:24:48 > 1:24:50Oh. Carrie?
1:24:50 > 1:24:52I've already had two helpings.
1:24:52 > 1:24:53I'm full.
1:24:53 > 1:24:54Me, too.
1:24:54 > 1:24:56Meow!
1:24:56 > 1:24:58At least somebody wants some.
1:25:01 > 1:25:05Cheer up. This should be something of a celebration.
1:25:05 > 1:25:10I'm sorry, but there doesn't seem to be much to celebrate.
1:25:10 > 1:25:13I still haven't mastered that spell.
1:25:13 > 1:25:16Of course you have. You just need more practise.
1:25:16 > 1:25:18Do you really think so?
1:25:18 > 1:25:21Yes. Meantime, there's nothing to liven
1:25:21 > 1:25:24the spirits like a little master juggling. Right, Charlie?
1:25:24 > 1:25:26Go on, give us some juggling!
1:25:26 > 1:25:28HUMS
1:25:33 > 1:25:38Very few are better at this. All you need is 20 years' practise
1:25:38 > 1:25:40and a touch of genius.
1:25:43 > 1:25:45YOWLS
1:25:47 > 1:25:49ALL GIGGLE
1:25:50 > 1:25:53Never happened to me before.
1:25:53 > 1:25:56I don't usually juggle with cats under my feet.
1:25:58 > 1:26:00Look, she's laughing.
1:26:11 > 1:26:13BELL TINKLES Oh.
1:26:17 > 1:26:19Oh, Mrs Hobday, do come in.
1:26:19 > 1:26:22I can't stop. I've just come by to bring you the good news.
1:26:22 > 1:26:24Good news?
1:26:24 > 1:26:28Mr Bisselthwaite said he'll take the children in.
1:26:28 > 1:26:32He and his wife have got a farm. Ideal for children.
1:26:32 > 1:26:36Put some colour back in their cheeks. Why, what's the matter?
1:26:36 > 1:26:39I thought you'd be pleased. You told me
1:26:39 > 1:26:42you were too busy, you had no time to take care of them.
1:26:42 > 1:26:45Circumstances have changed somewhat.
1:26:45 > 1:26:49That's right. We've got a dad now. Mr Browne.
1:26:49 > 1:26:51Paul!
1:26:51 > 1:26:52Miss Price, is this true?
1:26:52 > 1:26:54Of course.
1:26:54 > 1:26:58You do want him to stay with us, don't you, Miss Price?
1:26:58 > 1:27:02I suppose I hadn't really thought about it.
1:27:02 > 1:27:07What about him? What do you say about it, Mr Browne?
1:27:07 > 1:27:11Why, it's all rather sudden. I don't quite know what to say.
1:27:11 > 1:27:14Oh, then I'll leave you two to talk it over.
1:27:14 > 1:27:19I'll come back in the mornin'. Yes, good night.
1:27:19 > 1:27:21Good night.
1:27:24 > 1:27:30It is true, Mr Browne. You are going to be our father now, aren't you?
1:27:30 > 1:27:34Well, er, we are rather rushing things, aren't we?
1:27:36 > 1:27:41Perhaps Mr Browne has other things beside you lot to think about.
1:27:43 > 1:27:46Yes, as a matter of fact I should've left ages ago.
1:27:46 > 1:27:50I-I must get a train back to London tonight.
1:27:50 > 1:27:52It's rather an important matter.
1:27:52 > 1:27:58I'd like to tell you about it but it's a bit hush, hush. A secret.
1:27:58 > 1:28:00Well, er,
1:28:01 > 1:28:03if, er, I've been...
1:28:03 > 1:28:05I've been any sort of help to you,
1:28:05 > 1:28:07I'm pleased.
1:28:07 > 1:28:10You've been immensely kind. Thank you.
1:28:10 > 1:28:12I've enjoyed being with you.
1:28:12 > 1:28:17Perhaps it's been good for all of us. Will you be coming back?
1:28:17 > 1:28:22Some day, my dear. I certainly hope we shall meet again. Some day.
1:28:22 > 1:28:25When all this war business is over.
1:28:25 > 1:28:29- I see.- Then, maybe, I shall realise my fondest dream.
1:28:29 > 1:28:33Eglantine and Emelius, Illusionists Extraordinary!
1:28:33 > 1:28:36Just think how that'll look on the poster, huh?
1:28:36 > 1:28:39The children are going to miss you.
1:28:39 > 1:28:41You really think they will?
1:28:41 > 1:28:43Yes.
1:28:43 > 1:28:47Well, I shall miss you. All of you.
1:28:49 > 1:28:53If I don't go now, you might never get rid of me.
1:28:55 > 1:28:57Goodbye, Carrie.
1:28:57 > 1:29:00Must you really go?
1:29:00 > 1:29:03Yes. It's best for everyone. Goodbye, Paul.
1:29:03 > 1:29:05I still think you should be our father.
1:29:05 > 1:29:07Goodbye, Charlie.
1:29:07 > 1:29:11Do you want me to come down to the station with you?
1:29:11 > 1:29:15No, no. You stay here and look after everybody.
1:29:16 > 1:29:18Goodbye, Miss Price.
1:29:18 > 1:29:21Goodbye, Mr Browne.
1:30:09 > 1:30:12When is the next train to London?
1:30:12 > 1:30:17Lord bless ye. There ain't no train till milk job, 4am tomorrow morning.
1:30:17 > 1:30:18Mind if I wait in here?
1:30:18 > 1:30:21Suit yourself. Good night, sir.
1:30:21 > 1:30:23Good night.
1:30:42 > 1:30:44Out you go, Cosmic.
1:30:51 > 1:30:54Hello? Hello?!
1:30:57 > 1:30:58Hello?!
1:30:58 > 1:31:01Hello?! Hello?!
1:31:08 > 1:31:13"Emelius Browne, do you know you could be warm in that house
1:31:13 > 1:31:15"at this very moment?
1:31:15 > 1:31:19"For once in your useless life, you seem to have been needed.
1:31:19 > 1:31:25"You're a failure, Emelius Browne. And a coward."
1:31:25 > 1:31:29No, this is not the invasion. Just a little exercise.
1:31:29 > 1:31:34A minor raid to induce panic and spread mischief. When you English
1:31:34 > 1:31:38understand that German forces can land whenever we please,
1:31:38 > 1:31:40perhaps you'll consider a reasonable peace.
1:31:40 > 1:31:42Not likely!
1:31:42 > 1:31:45Go on, Miss Price, do it to him.
1:31:45 > 1:31:48I must say, it's very tempting.
1:31:48 > 1:31:53Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a white rabbit?
1:31:53 > 1:31:55BOTH SPEAK IN GERMAN
1:31:55 > 1:32:00I said how would you feel about being turned into a white rabbit?!
1:32:00 > 1:32:02Be quiet, please!
1:32:04 > 1:32:08Filigree, apogee, epigee...!
1:32:08 > 1:32:10Not again.
1:32:10 > 1:32:12Your memory, Miss Price.
1:32:12 > 1:32:17Charles, kindly fetch my notebook from the workroom, please.
1:32:17 > 1:32:19Righto.
1:32:19 > 1:32:20Hey!
1:32:20 > 1:32:23ALL SHOUT AT ONCE
1:32:23 > 1:32:26Silence!
1:32:26 > 1:32:31We have work to do. I am sorry, I must send all of you some place
1:32:31 > 1:32:35where you will no longer be a nuisance.
1:32:44 > 1:32:49DREAM-LIKE: # As the words sell the tune and the moonbeams the moon
1:32:49 > 1:32:53# All I need to succeed in my plan
1:32:53 > 1:32:57# Is a champion rare
1:32:57 > 1:33:00# With a flourish and a flair... #
1:33:00 > 1:33:04MAN SPEAKS IN GERMAN
1:33:05 > 1:33:07SNIP!
1:33:34 > 1:33:36(Eglantine...)
1:33:43 > 1:33:49- SPEAKS INTO RADIO IN GERMAN: - Ja... Ja...
1:34:18 > 1:34:19CAT YOWLS
1:34:19 > 1:34:22(Ssh!)
1:34:22 > 1:34:24CAT YOWLS
1:34:26 > 1:34:28Was is das?
1:34:28 > 1:34:30CROCKERY SMASHES
1:34:38 > 1:34:40Meow!
1:34:40 > 1:34:44SPEAKS IN GERMAN
1:34:45 > 1:34:47DOOR RATTLES
1:35:01 > 1:35:06Where's the spell for rabbits? The easiest of all, she says.
1:35:06 > 1:35:10Confounded! Can't women ever learn to file things properly?
1:35:14 > 1:35:16SHOUTS IN GERMAN
1:35:16 > 1:35:21Ah, here it is. "Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee." That's it.
1:35:26 > 1:35:28Filigree, er,
1:35:28 > 1:35:30apogee,
1:35:30 > 1:35:32pedigree, perigee.
1:35:33 > 1:35:35BANGS ON DOOR
1:35:37 > 1:35:41Now come along, my boy. Just for once in your life
1:35:41 > 1:35:45you've got to believe in something. That's it. Good lad.
1:35:45 > 1:35:47Filigree,
1:35:47 > 1:35:49apogee,
1:35:49 > 1:35:51pedigree, perigee.
1:35:55 > 1:35:57DOOR RATTLES
1:35:59 > 1:36:01TINKLES
1:36:18 > 1:36:23What's the use of putting us in that draughty castle?
1:36:23 > 1:36:24It's quite chilly.
1:36:24 > 1:36:30The Colonel believes when a British female decides to become a nuisance,
1:36:30 > 1:36:34she can become the greatest nuisance of all. And I agree.
1:36:34 > 1:36:36You need a lesson in manners.
1:36:36 > 1:36:41If I only had my notebook I'd make certain you learnt a few.
1:36:53 > 1:36:56(Jumping Jehoshaphat! More Jerries!)
1:36:56 > 1:36:59BOTH SPEAK GERMAN
1:37:06 > 1:37:09- HE GRUNTS - Take it easy, can't you?
1:37:09 > 1:37:10Try holding your breath.
1:37:10 > 1:37:12I am holding it.
1:37:12 > 1:37:16We could strip him down and grease him with soap.
1:37:16 > 1:37:18No. It's...no good.
1:37:20 > 1:37:23I could've told you that in the first place.
1:37:23 > 1:37:27If we can't get Paul out to give the alarm,
1:37:27 > 1:37:28we must think of something else.
1:37:28 > 1:37:32What about the spell that makes things move about?
1:37:32 > 1:37:36- But I need weapons. - How about all these things?
1:37:38 > 1:37:40I'm afraid they're a bit ancient.
1:37:40 > 1:37:42Where did this come from?
1:37:42 > 1:37:44It's Mr Browne, that's who it is.
1:37:44 > 1:37:46He's on his way to London.
1:37:48 > 1:37:50Mr Browne?
1:37:51 > 1:37:56If you are Mr Browne, would you be kind enough to get down off my lap?
1:37:56 > 1:37:58It is Mr Browne!
1:38:00 > 1:38:02It is you!
1:38:02 > 1:38:05You didn't think I could do that spell.
1:38:05 > 1:38:08I am glad to see you. But what about all these Germans?
1:38:08 > 1:38:12What's wrong with the substitutiary locomotion spell?
1:38:12 > 1:38:17It isn't ready yet. You saw what happened this afternoon.
1:38:17 > 1:38:21Let's chance it. We can't let them get away with their beastly raid.
1:38:21 > 1:38:23Get up off the floor
1:38:23 > 1:38:25and we'll go to work.
1:38:25 > 1:38:27Herr Oberst?
1:38:27 > 1:38:30SPEAKS GERMAN
1:38:30 > 1:38:37THEY SPEAK GERMAN
1:38:43 > 1:38:45Jolly good luck.
1:38:45 > 1:38:46You 'aven't forgotten the spell?
1:38:46 > 1:38:48Oh, not this time.
1:38:48 > 1:38:52It's probably not magic, but it may make you feel more at home.
1:38:52 > 1:38:54How thoughtful of you.
1:38:54 > 1:38:56Let's get out of Miss Price's way.
1:39:04 > 1:39:06Treguna...
1:39:06 > 1:39:09Mekoides...
1:39:09 > 1:39:12Trecorum...
1:39:12 > 1:39:15Satis, dee!
1:39:37 > 1:39:39Look!
1:39:44 > 1:39:46DRUM TAPS
1:39:56 > 1:39:58FANFARE
1:40:03 > 1:40:05CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK!
1:40:05 > 1:40:06CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK!
1:40:21 > 1:40:24METALLIC FOOTSTEPS
1:40:26 > 1:40:28Aaah!
1:40:29 > 1:40:31ARMOUR CLANKS
1:41:25 > 1:41:28BAGPIPES PLAY
1:42:27 > 1:42:29Sound the advance!
1:42:29 > 1:42:31FANFARE
1:42:33 > 1:42:35Just in time for the kickoff.
1:43:01 > 1:43:04BOTH SPEAK GERMAN
1:43:08 > 1:43:15Steady on the left! Victory for England and St George!
1:43:16 > 1:43:18It's like the Lord Mayor's show.
1:43:18 > 1:43:20Hold your distance!
1:43:20 > 1:43:23ALL CHANT: Treguna, mekoides and
1:43:23 > 1:43:27trecorum, satis, dee!
1:43:27 > 1:43:29Treguna,
1:43:29 > 1:43:34mekoides and trecorum, satis, dee!
1:43:34 > 1:43:39Treguna, mekoides and trecorum, satis, dee!
1:43:45 > 1:43:47- Fire! - RAPID GUNFIRE
1:43:53 > 1:43:55Fire!
1:43:58 > 1:44:00Blimey!
1:44:00 > 1:44:02Ausrotten!
1:44:20 > 1:44:22JANGLES
1:44:31 > 1:44:33Where's it coming from?!
1:44:33 > 1:44:35Sounds like the sea road.
1:44:35 > 1:44:37Come on, lads. After me!
1:44:37 > 1:44:39RAPID GUNFIRE CONTINUES
1:44:39 > 1:44:41ARMOUR CLANKS
1:44:58 > 1:45:00JANGLES
1:45:24 > 1:45:25Ooh!
1:45:25 > 1:45:27METALLIC CLUNKS
1:45:56 > 1:45:58BOOM!
1:46:08 > 1:46:10Good shooting, bowmen!
1:46:17 > 1:46:19Well caught, sir!
1:46:19 > 1:46:21Very good!
1:46:26 > 1:46:28Ahh!
1:46:28 > 1:46:30Knock his block off! That's it!
1:46:30 > 1:46:33Mr Browne, make those children take cover!
1:46:48 > 1:46:50Aaah!
1:46:52 > 1:46:55ALL SHOUT IN GERMAN
1:47:38 > 1:47:42Are you still there, Colonel? I thought you'd be gone by now.
1:47:46 > 1:47:50You see, things may not be so easy for you after all.
1:47:50 > 1:47:52HE SHOUTS
1:47:58 > 1:48:00TICKING
1:48:02 > 1:48:04Goodbye, Colonel!
1:48:04 > 1:48:06BOOM!
1:48:30 > 1:48:33BAGPIPES DEFLATE
1:48:50 > 1:48:52Eglantine! Oh, Eglantine!
1:48:52 > 1:48:54Dear Mr Browne.
1:48:54 > 1:48:57We thought they'd damaged you.
1:48:57 > 1:49:00See? No-one can hurt Miss Price.
1:49:00 > 1:49:03There they are, lads! I sensed something was afoot!
1:49:03 > 1:49:07All right, drive them into the sea!
1:49:07 > 1:49:09Firing positions! Both sides!
1:49:10 > 1:49:12RAPID GUNFIRE
1:49:15 > 1:49:17All right, men. Hold your fire!
1:49:19 > 1:49:24I think we've taught the Hun a lesson!
1:49:24 > 1:49:28He'll think twice before coming back here again!
1:49:28 > 1:49:32It's tragic. All your spells, your equipment, all gone.
1:49:32 > 1:49:36Still, I was able to perform some small service first.
1:49:36 > 1:49:39You ain't gonna be a witch no more?
1:49:39 > 1:49:41- Never?- No, Paul.
1:49:41 > 1:49:45I realised some time ago I couldn't be a proper witch.
1:49:45 > 1:49:49- When was that? That first magic moment when you laid eyes on me?- No!
1:49:49 > 1:49:54It was when my poisoned dragon's liver arrived. I knew then that
1:49:54 > 1:49:58that anyone who felt the way I did about poisoned dragon's liver
1:49:58 > 1:50:00had no business being a witch.
1:50:07 > 1:50:09You're doing the right thing?
1:50:09 > 1:50:13I think so. It's much too dangerous being a civilian.
1:50:13 > 1:50:15Take care of yourself.
1:50:15 > 1:50:20I'll be back before you've grown any taller. We'll be together again.
1:50:20 > 1:50:22You have an escort to the station.
1:50:22 > 1:50:24BAND PLAYS
1:50:24 > 1:50:26Parade halt!
1:50:28 > 1:50:30Well, here we go.
1:50:45 > 1:50:47Meow!
1:50:48 > 1:50:51Permission to move off, sir!
1:50:51 > 1:50:53Carry on, Sergeant.
1:50:54 > 1:50:57Parade, by the right, quick march!
1:50:57 > 1:51:02Left! Left! Left, right, left!
1:51:08 > 1:51:13S'pose that's it. We ain't gonna have no fun no more.
1:51:13 > 1:51:16Well, I still got this, ain't I?
1:51:16 > 1:51:19TINKLES
1:51:23 > 1:51:27# Call out the Navy, call out the ranks
1:51:27 > 1:51:31# Call out the Air Force, call out the tanks
1:51:31 > 1:51:36# From the cliffs of Dover call up the gulls
1:51:36 > 1:51:40# And don't forget the loyal Territorials
1:51:40 > 1:51:44# But who's digging in here, who will defend
1:51:44 > 1:51:48# Every inch of England no matter what they send?
1:51:48 > 1:51:52# Who's standing firm in our own front yard?
1:51:52 > 1:51:57# The soldiers of the old Home Guard, that's who
1:51:57 > 1:52:03# The soldiers of the old Home Guard! #
1:52:05 > 1:52:08Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
1:52:08 > 1:52:12Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk