Nativity!

0:00:40 > 0:00:43# Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus... #

0:00:43 > 0:00:46'That's me, Paul Maddens, back in drama school.

0:00:46 > 0:00:48'Yes, I look like an idiot.

0:00:48 > 0:00:52'And there's my girlfriend, Jennifer.

0:00:52 > 0:00:54'With our best mate, Gordon Shakespeare.

0:00:54 > 0:00:59'We were the Three Amigos, with the world at our feet.'

0:00:59 > 0:01:01# So jump in bed and cover your head

0:01:01 > 0:01:03# Cos Santa Claus comes tonight. #

0:01:03 > 0:01:07'Jennifer and her family always loved Christmas.

0:01:07 > 0:01:10'And it was Jennifer who taught me to love it too.

0:01:10 > 0:01:13'Gordon said he loved Christmas, but the only thing he truly loved

0:01:13 > 0:01:15'was himself.'

0:01:15 > 0:01:18I'm completely above this. It's pointless. Elf.

0:01:18 > 0:01:21It's my last elf. I could be Father Christmas.

0:01:21 > 0:01:23Why am I not Father Christmas?

0:01:23 > 0:01:25I-I can't do this any more. It's ridiculous.

0:01:25 > 0:01:28- You're good. - There's no control being an actor.

0:01:28 > 0:01:30You're doing what other people's ideas are.

0:01:30 > 0:01:35I'd rather be in control, I don't know, like directing, producing.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37- I think you should consider that. - I will.

0:01:37 > 0:01:39That's why I'm going to train as a primary school teacher.

0:01:39 > 0:01:41LAUGHTER

0:01:41 > 0:01:43- BOTH: Shush! - Give it three years.

0:01:43 > 0:01:46- If you're as bad as you are now, give up.- At least try.

0:01:46 > 0:01:48You know, those who can't act, teach.

0:01:48 > 0:01:51BOTH: And those who can't teach, teach primary.

0:01:51 > 0:01:55- Who says that?- Nobody. It's a truism. - It's... People say...

0:01:55 > 0:01:56Five, six, seven, eight.

0:01:56 > 0:01:59# Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus... #

0:01:59 > 0:02:02'And so that's what I did. I became a teacher.

0:02:03 > 0:02:06'And Jennifer seemed really proud of me.

0:02:06 > 0:02:10'As I was of her when she went to Hollywood and became a producer.

0:02:10 > 0:02:12'As for Gordon,

0:02:12 > 0:02:15'he became a teacher at the best private school in the city.

0:02:15 > 0:02:17'His productions of the Nativity

0:02:17 > 0:02:19'won the five-star review in the local paper.'

0:02:19 > 0:02:22"Gordon Shakespeare's Three-Colour Trilogy

0:02:22 > 0:02:26"has redefined Nativity, with its rainbow of talent

0:02:26 > 0:02:29"that hangs over the city of Coventry

0:02:29 > 0:02:31"like a blessed beacon.

0:02:31 > 0:02:33"Five stars.

0:02:33 > 0:02:36"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! What a performance!

0:02:36 > 0:02:40"Paul Maddens' Nativity was abysmal.

0:02:40 > 0:02:43"Minus two stars."

0:02:43 > 0:02:44'And that's when I decided.

0:02:44 > 0:02:46'I hated Christmas.'

0:02:46 > 0:02:50MUSIC: "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" by the Jackson 5

0:02:52 > 0:02:55# Santa Claus is comin' to town

0:02:55 > 0:02:59# Santa Claus is comin' to town You'd better watch out

0:02:59 > 0:03:02# You'd better not cry... #

0:03:02 > 0:03:05Sit down! Olly, that's you in detention for the week.

0:03:05 > 0:03:09TJ, that's you in detention for the week.

0:03:09 > 0:03:13And, also, TJ, that's your parents coming into school tomorrow.

0:03:17 > 0:03:19Who's going to win the five-star review?

0:03:19 > 0:03:25ALL CHANT: Us, us, us! Us, us, us! Us, us, us!

0:03:25 > 0:03:28Us, us, us! Yeaaargh!

0:03:28 > 0:03:29Who can spell "Bethlehem"? Go!

0:03:29 > 0:03:31B-E-I-E...

0:03:31 > 0:03:33No, next.

0:03:33 > 0:03:34Olly.

0:03:34 > 0:03:36B-E-L-T...

0:03:36 > 0:03:38No! TJ.

0:03:38 > 0:03:40- B-E-L-E...- No!

0:03:43 > 0:03:45Good morning, boys and girls.

0:03:45 > 0:03:49ALL: Good morning, Mrs Bevan.

0:03:49 > 0:03:51Here we are on the run-up to Christmas.

0:03:51 > 0:03:54- CHILDREN: Yes! - Isn't that exciting?

0:03:54 > 0:03:57Now, last year, Mrs Spink did the Nativity play

0:03:57 > 0:03:59and, if you remember,

0:03:59 > 0:04:04she got upset and started shouting a lot and crying.

0:04:04 > 0:04:06And some of you, I remember, were crying with her.

0:04:06 > 0:04:10So, we are going to have to find a new person.

0:04:10 > 0:04:15This year, to make the best Nativity play that has ever, ever been...

0:04:15 > 0:04:16is Mr Maddens.

0:04:16 > 0:04:18- APPLAUSE - Yes.

0:04:18 > 0:04:21# We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas

0:04:21 > 0:04:25# We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy year

0:04:25 > 0:04:29# We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas

0:04:29 > 0:04:32# We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy year

0:04:35 > 0:04:37# We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas

0:04:37 > 0:04:40# We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year

0:04:40 > 0:04:42CRESCENDO: # A happy new year

0:04:42 > 0:04:46# A happy new year... #

0:04:46 > 0:04:49THEY SING IN THE ROUND

0:04:57 > 0:04:59You have the talent and training.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02- I think it's a wonderful thing. - I barely have the training.

0:05:02 > 0:05:04I did three years of drama... SHE SIGHS

0:05:04 > 0:05:06- I wasn't very good.- Yes, I know.

0:05:06 > 0:05:08- It...- Now, let's move on.

0:05:08 > 0:05:10When are you going to start the casting?

0:05:10 > 0:05:13These children are literally useless.

0:05:13 > 0:05:16I am literally useless. Please don't make me do this.

0:05:16 > 0:05:20Think about Oakmoor. Think about how they always steal all the reviews.

0:05:20 > 0:05:24We agreed four years ago that after my disastrous attempt

0:05:24 > 0:05:27to direct the Nativity, I wouldn't do it again.

0:05:27 > 0:05:28Make this a good one.

0:05:28 > 0:05:31Make this a fabulous last Nativity play for me

0:05:31 > 0:05:34and then I retire and you won't have to put up with me any more.

0:05:34 > 0:05:37Oh, and you've got a classroom assistant starting today sometime.

0:05:37 > 0:05:41HE SIGHS Thank you.

0:05:41 > 0:05:44That will help with the wear and tear and stress.

0:05:57 > 0:05:58- Hello.- Hello.

0:06:00 > 0:06:03'Tell us clearly and concisely'

0:06:03 > 0:06:05what happened at Christmas, if you think you're so clever.

0:06:05 > 0:06:07Joseph got together with Mary

0:06:07 > 0:06:10and Mary went to Bethlehem to have a baby. Um...

0:06:10 > 0:06:14She has a baby, Jesus. A couple of years later, about 30 years later,

0:06:14 > 0:06:17- he dies on the cross and then... - Go and sit down.

0:06:17 > 0:06:19LAUGHTER Go and sit down.

0:06:19 > 0:06:21That was almost blasphemy.

0:06:21 > 0:06:23'Here's to a five-star review'

0:06:23 > 0:06:26of the St Bernadette's Nativity, directed by Paul Maddens. Cheers.

0:06:26 > 0:06:28ALL: Cheers!

0:06:28 > 0:06:31LAUGHTER

0:06:31 > 0:06:34CHILDREN: # When Suzy was a child

0:06:34 > 0:06:36# A child Suzy was She said

0:06:36 > 0:06:39# "Miss, miss, I can't get this!

0:06:39 > 0:06:41# "I've got my knickers in a right old twist!"

0:06:41 > 0:06:43# When... #

0:06:43 > 0:06:44Who are you?

0:06:44 > 0:06:47- Mr Poppy.- Yes, what are you doing here, Mr Poppy?- Oh, I'm...

0:06:47 > 0:06:49I'm your teaching assistant.

0:06:52 > 0:06:56Remember, please keep it neat. Dan, are you having trouble there?

0:06:56 > 0:06:58How are you getting on, Frazer?

0:07:02 > 0:07:04You know you don't have to put your hand up to talk to me.

0:07:04 > 0:07:06I thought we were supposed to be doing a play.

0:07:06 > 0:07:08- We are. - Everyone's just sitting around.

0:07:08 > 0:07:11This isn't the rehearsal for the play.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13This is a creative writing class. It's a different thing.

0:07:13 > 0:07:15Who wants to do a play?

0:07:15 > 0:07:18- ALL:- Me! - Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me!

0:07:18 > 0:07:21- Move the tables to one side. - No! Keep the tables where you are.

0:07:21 > 0:07:25Alfie! Alfie, TJ, put the tables back.

0:07:25 > 0:07:28The next person to move their table

0:07:28 > 0:07:30will be in detention for the entire term.

0:07:30 > 0:07:32BELL RINGS, THEY SHOUT Sit down! Sit down!

0:07:35 > 0:07:38MR MADDENS DROWNED OUT BY SHOUTING

0:07:44 > 0:07:48- Mr Poppy! Come in, please. Come in now.- I've been tigged.

0:07:48 > 0:07:50- Mr Poppy...- I've been tigged.

0:07:50 > 0:07:51Come in now.

0:07:51 > 0:07:53Get inside, please.

0:07:53 > 0:07:55I've told you before. Get in.

0:07:55 > 0:07:57- CHILDREN CHANT:- Poppy! Poppy! - Go in!

0:07:57 > 0:07:58Children, please. Go away.

0:07:58 > 0:08:00Just carry on playing.

0:08:00 > 0:08:02- SHRIEKING - Tig, tig, tig, tig!

0:08:02 > 0:08:03Mr Poppy!

0:08:04 > 0:08:06Mr Poppy!

0:08:08 > 0:08:12MAKES ZAPPING AND WHOOSHING NOISES

0:08:13 > 0:08:15I just wanted to check something.

0:08:15 > 0:08:18Can I say, I really enjoyed today, thank you very much.

0:08:18 > 0:08:21You're welcome. You haven't done this before, have you?

0:08:21 > 0:08:23Er, I've done stuff like it.

0:08:23 > 0:08:25Classroom assistant?

0:08:25 > 0:08:27- Nope.- No. I just wanted to check that.

0:08:27 > 0:08:29Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow at 8.15?

0:08:29 > 0:08:33- D'you want to come for a sausage sizzler?- Sorry?

0:08:33 > 0:08:36Young's, the newsagent, they do sausages with tomato ketchup

0:08:36 > 0:08:39in a roll with a sausage. They're only £1.50.

0:08:39 > 0:08:43D'you want to maybe share one and we could hang out at the park?

0:08:43 > 0:08:45I'll introduce you to Tom, Stinky Tom. He's funny.

0:08:45 > 0:08:48I'm a bit busy. I shan't be doing that tonight. Thank you.

0:08:48 > 0:08:51- See you later. - HE GIGGLES

0:08:51 > 0:08:52MAKES ZAPPING NOISES

0:08:54 > 0:08:56# Can't you see it's gonna be

0:08:56 > 0:08:58# A merry, merry Christmas

0:08:58 > 0:09:04# A merry, merry Christmas for all the girls and boys?

0:09:04 > 0:09:06# Can't you see the Christmas tree... #

0:09:06 > 0:09:08Come here. Hello!

0:09:08 > 0:09:11Ooh, right on me kippers. Oh, Cracker!

0:09:11 > 0:09:14Cracker. "You hardly know me!"

0:09:14 > 0:09:16Cracker, Cracker.

0:09:16 > 0:09:18Where you going, you mental dog?

0:09:18 > 0:09:22HE HUMS A TUNE

0:09:27 > 0:09:29Cracker.

0:09:29 > 0:09:32HIGH PITCH: # In Nazareth. # Or...

0:09:32 > 0:09:34LOW PITCH: # In Nazareth. # I think low.

0:09:34 > 0:09:36Bark for high.

0:09:36 > 0:09:37BARKS

0:09:37 > 0:09:40Bark for low. WHINES

0:09:40 > 0:09:42Suit yourself.

0:09:42 > 0:09:44Cracker...

0:09:44 > 0:09:46Cracker.

0:09:46 > 0:09:48Cracker, come here.

0:09:52 > 0:09:53THUD, SHRIEKING

0:09:53 > 0:09:55Help me, Mr Maddens!

0:09:57 > 0:09:59This man is an idiot. He's an actual village idiot.

0:09:59 > 0:10:03If this was a village, he would be the idiot.

0:10:03 > 0:10:06He's not a classroom assistant, he's an absolute calamitous fool.

0:10:06 > 0:10:08But he'll be a big help with the play.

0:10:08 > 0:10:11The play that I don't care about?

0:10:11 > 0:10:14The play that brings the children away from learning to read and write?

0:10:14 > 0:10:18Great(!) Big whoopee(!) I've got an oaf helping my children to fail.

0:10:18 > 0:10:19- Thanks(!)- This is getting personal.

0:10:19 > 0:10:22- Who's that?- Who's what?- What's that?

0:10:22 > 0:10:26- That's a photograph of me and Mr Poppy.- Why?

0:10:26 > 0:10:28- He is my sister's son.- Mm-hm.

0:10:33 > 0:10:35CHILDREN SHOUT

0:10:39 > 0:10:41Mr Poppy!

0:10:41 > 0:10:43Mr Poppy! Sit...

0:10:43 > 0:10:45Sit down.

0:10:45 > 0:10:46Sit down. Be quiet!

0:10:46 > 0:10:48Sit down, now!

0:10:52 > 0:10:55Why is Mr Maddens such a grumpy grumps?

0:10:55 > 0:10:58His girlfriend left him at Christmas time.

0:10:59 > 0:11:02- Where's his girlfriend now? - In America.

0:11:02 > 0:11:04America! How cool is that?

0:11:04 > 0:11:08It is cool, but it's a long way away from here.

0:11:08 > 0:11:10Can we keep it down over there, please?

0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Bagsy drive the van! - You can't drive, I've got the...

0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Nothing overrules the rules of bagsy.- Mr Poppy.

0:11:19 > 0:11:23- I'm insured to drive the van. - Auntie Pat said I could drive.

0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Can you drive?- Yeah.

0:11:25 > 0:11:28- Come on, jump in. - TOOTS HORN

0:11:28 > 0:11:32- What about Gabriel comes in on a death slide.- What's a death slide?

0:11:32 > 0:11:35One of those things... Zoom! You just go down on two hands.

0:11:35 > 0:11:37I don't think health and safety for children

0:11:37 > 0:11:39- will involve the death slide in a Nativity play.- OK.

0:11:39 > 0:11:42- What about no donkey?- Please... - What about a BMX with trick pegs?

0:11:42 > 0:11:44This is a Roman Catholic school.

0:11:44 > 0:11:48We're not going to replace a donkey with a trick-peg BMX.

0:11:48 > 0:11:51- I don't even know that that is! - We can do it.

0:11:51 > 0:11:54- If we just work together. - Sorry?- Like Webber and Rice.

0:11:54 > 0:11:57Posh and Becks. Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee. You and me.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59- I think maybe this one.- No!

0:11:59 > 0:12:03- The big one.- It's not going to fit. And how are we going to carry it?

0:12:03 > 0:12:05I don't believe it!

0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Paul Maddens.- Gordon Shakespeare.

0:12:07 > 0:12:10How are you doing, my man?

0:12:11 > 0:12:15- Great to see you. - And you.- Where've you been?

0:12:15 > 0:12:16Just five years at St Bernadette's.

0:12:16 > 0:12:20But you were going to be the star, the man.

0:12:20 > 0:12:21- Was I?- Yeah!- I never thought that.

0:12:21 > 0:12:24We all did and then it...all went.

0:12:24 > 0:12:27Now you're down the road. How is it down there at St B's?

0:12:27 > 0:12:28Goodness me, what a challenge.

0:12:28 > 0:12:33Slowly, that dreadful school is dragging itself up.

0:12:33 > 0:12:35How's Jennifer? Have you...?

0:12:35 > 0:12:38- Do you speak to her? - Still quite good friends with her.

0:12:38 > 0:12:41- So, you still keep in touch with her?- Yeah, yeah.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44- Even though she's Hollywood side. - Goodness me. Didn't she do well?

0:12:44 > 0:12:46- She's now a producer.- I know.

0:12:46 > 0:12:50If you think I'm talented, well, she's just gone to another level.

0:12:50 > 0:12:55- Way above me and-and... clearly, you.- Clearly.

0:12:55 > 0:12:57In fact, if you want to see how the other half lives

0:12:57 > 0:13:01and see where it really happens in the right way,

0:13:01 > 0:13:03just come along to our Christmas bazaar. We're doing a showcase.

0:13:03 > 0:13:06- The talent.- I'm sure.- Amazing.

0:13:06 > 0:13:08- It's worth a look. Take it, come along.- Thank you.

0:13:08 > 0:13:11- What are you doing? - I'm doing the Nativity again.

0:13:11 > 0:13:13- Perhaps I can come and see yours. - Yes. You won't be alone.

0:13:13 > 0:13:16Actually, Jennifer's coming.

0:13:16 > 0:13:20- She's coming over to the UK?- Yeah, she going to come and see the, er...

0:13:20 > 0:13:22Why would she want to do that?

0:13:22 > 0:13:25Because she's going to bring most of her agency with her.

0:13:25 > 0:13:28Hollywood are coming to St Bernadette's?

0:13:28 > 0:13:31- Yes.- To see your show?- Yes.

0:13:31 > 0:13:34- To film your show?- Yeah. - Make a film out of it?

0:13:34 > 0:13:36Yeah.

0:13:36 > 0:13:37And a book.

0:13:37 > 0:13:40HE SINGS

0:13:51 > 0:13:53Come on, come on. Come close.

0:13:53 > 0:13:57This is... Come in, come in, gather round.

0:13:57 > 0:13:59I've got something to tell you.

0:13:59 > 0:14:01I'm not supposed to tell you

0:14:01 > 0:14:04but someone twisted my arm and I have to tell you.

0:14:04 > 0:14:07I've just been to get the Christmas tree and I heard Mr Maddens say

0:14:07 > 0:14:13a big Hollywood production film thing company are coming here

0:14:13 > 0:14:15to see our Nativity.

0:14:15 > 0:14:17But it's not a Nativity.

0:14:17 > 0:14:21It's Nativity, the musical, in 3-D, with 5-D sound

0:14:21 > 0:14:23- and we're all going to be famous. - ALL SHOUT

0:14:26 > 0:14:29Sh! Sh! Sh! This is big stuff, all right?

0:14:29 > 0:14:33Zack, I mean, you could end up being Zac Efron.

0:14:33 > 0:14:34- Yes!- And you.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37- You could be Shrek. - LAUGHTER

0:14:37 > 0:14:39- And you, Bob.- What?

0:14:39 > 0:14:41You're like a little Gollum, or something,

0:14:41 > 0:14:43like a little creature in something.

0:14:43 > 0:14:46We're going to be super-famous because Hollywood are coming!

0:14:46 > 0:14:49CHEERING

0:14:49 > 0:14:51HE GASPS, CRACKER WHINES

0:14:51 > 0:14:55Ow. Ow. Ow!

0:14:55 > 0:14:57Ooh!

0:14:57 > 0:14:59Aargh!

0:14:59 > 0:15:02With me now are the real stars of the film,

0:15:02 > 0:15:04the pupils of St Bernadette's School.

0:15:04 > 0:15:06You must be excited.

0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Very excited, aren't we, children? - ALL: Yes!

0:15:09 > 0:15:12CRACKER WHINES Wait. Wait.

0:15:12 > 0:15:15We only heard this morning that Hollywood are coming

0:15:15 > 0:15:18to see our Nativity play. We can hardly believe it.

0:15:18 > 0:15:21Sit down, please. Sit, Cracker.

0:15:21 > 0:15:27I'm Mr Poppy and I am the co-director, co-writer, co-producer.

0:15:27 > 0:15:29TV MUTED

0:15:33 > 0:15:38'The true stars of a Hollywood blockbuster coming to town.'

0:15:38 > 0:15:40CHILDREN CHEER

0:15:49 > 0:15:53- Well done, Paul. - PAUL WHISTLES

0:15:53 > 0:15:55We don't want to be late for PE.

0:15:55 > 0:15:58Well done, congratulations, Mr Maddens.

0:16:02 > 0:16:06We can... There you are. Goodness, at last.

0:16:06 > 0:16:09This is Darren from the local newspaper. Mr Maddens.

0:16:09 > 0:16:12- Nice to meet you.- Come on, this way. - Sorry?- Yeah. They've been waiting.

0:16:12 > 0:16:16I've told Darren everything I know, but I don't know very much.

0:16:16 > 0:16:19It's wonderful you're back in touch with her.

0:16:19 > 0:16:21There you are. After you.

0:16:21 > 0:16:23CHEERING AND CHANTING

0:16:29 > 0:16:34Thank you. Good morning, boys and girls. Good morning, teachers.

0:16:34 > 0:16:38Good morning. Good morning, gentlemen of the press.

0:16:38 > 0:16:41And local news team.

0:16:41 > 0:16:44As you can see, children, it's very exciting.

0:16:44 > 0:16:47The whole of the town is buzzing with the news

0:16:47 > 0:16:53that St Bernadette's is going to get a visitor from Hollywood.

0:16:53 > 0:16:55Three cheers for Mr Maddens. Hip, hip.

0:16:55 > 0:16:57ALL: Hurray!

0:16:57 > 0:17:01- Hip, hip.- Hurray! - Hip, hip.- Hurray!

0:17:01 > 0:17:04Mrs Bevan. Boys and girls...

0:17:07 > 0:17:10I'm sorry, cos there's obviously been some misunderstanding

0:17:10 > 0:17:15because yesterday I said, in front of Mr Poppy,

0:17:15 > 0:17:18that we were going to have a visit from Hollywood.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28And I'm only sorry, cos it's not happening right now!

0:17:28 > 0:17:31CHEERING

0:17:40 > 0:17:42I didn't tell you, I told Gordon Shakespeare.

0:17:42 > 0:17:46It wasn't even for your ears. D'you understand me?!

0:17:46 > 0:17:48- You were eavesdropping. - What does it matter...?- Be quiet!

0:17:48 > 0:17:50It's obviously a lie.

0:17:50 > 0:17:53- Yeah, but... - Hollywood coming to the school? How?

0:17:53 > 0:17:56It's a lie! It's not true. I made it up.

0:17:59 > 0:18:01You have messed up, right?

0:18:01 > 0:18:03It's up to you to face your responsibility

0:18:03 > 0:18:05and go out there and tell them it's a lie.

0:18:08 > 0:18:10CHEERING

0:18:11 > 0:18:13Yeah!

0:18:16 > 0:18:20Call your girlfriend and get the Hollywood people across.

0:18:20 > 0:18:23One problem. She's not my girlfriend.

0:18:23 > 0:18:26I don't know her number. I don't know where she is.

0:18:26 > 0:18:30- I was making all of that up... - Family! Has she got any family?

0:18:30 > 0:18:33She's got parents, yes.

0:18:33 > 0:18:35- Do you have any pets?- I have a dog.

0:18:35 > 0:18:37- Used to be hers.- Brilliant!

0:18:37 > 0:18:38Go round there and say,

0:18:38 > 0:18:42"The dog's died, I need her number. I should tell her in person."

0:18:42 > 0:18:45- The dog's died?- Yeah. - How's the dog died?

0:18:45 > 0:18:48It blew up. The dog blew up.

0:18:49 > 0:18:53They won't ask. You wouldn't ask. I wouldn't ask.

0:18:53 > 0:18:56Ugh. They'd just think, "Oh," and get the number.

0:19:05 > 0:19:08We need those five stars.

0:19:08 > 0:19:10I need you all to be stars to get those stars.

0:19:10 > 0:19:14We need something edgier, more dangerous, something darker.

0:19:14 > 0:19:16Something the RSC do every year.

0:19:16 > 0:19:19Tripping around and, bang, they hit you with something enormous.

0:19:19 > 0:19:23That's what we should be doing. Something European, strange, exotic.

0:19:23 > 0:19:25Something the Americans don't understand, but love!

0:19:25 > 0:19:29That's it. I know, we could have Herod.

0:19:29 > 0:19:30King... He's never done, is he?

0:19:30 > 0:19:32Herod's never done.

0:19:32 > 0:19:35Ever. That's it. Wonderful. We could have Herod.

0:19:35 > 0:19:37He could be like an opera.

0:19:37 > 0:19:41This dark shape brooding in the back, coming forward onto the stage.

0:19:41 > 0:19:43Singing his heart out, his lungs.

0:19:43 > 0:19:46Craving for their minds, and blood and body of children.

0:19:46 > 0:19:49That's what we want. Who's going to be my Herod?

0:20:02 > 0:20:05Thank you, lovely. Anything else you'd like to show us?

0:20:05 > 0:20:09- SHE BURPS:- A, B, C... - That's good.

0:20:09 > 0:20:14# You mean I've been dancing on the floor, darling

0:20:14 > 0:20:17# And I feel like I need some more

0:20:17 > 0:20:20# And I feel your body close to mine

0:20:20 > 0:20:23# And I... # Oh.

0:20:23 > 0:20:29# Cos I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby

0:20:29 > 0:20:32# Listen to Iron Maiden, baby

0:20:32 > 0:20:34# With me... #

0:20:34 > 0:20:37# I was going on a hillside

0:20:37 > 0:20:41# On a hillside

0:20:41 > 0:20:42# I was going on a hillside

0:20:42 > 0:20:45# On a hillside... #

0:20:52 > 0:20:56# Oh, Danny boy

0:20:56 > 0:21:02# The pipes The pipes are calling... #

0:21:07 > 0:21:08What would you like to play?

0:21:08 > 0:21:11I know you won't let me, but I really want to be Joseph.

0:21:11 > 0:21:14OK, in your own time.

0:21:16 > 0:21:18- Careful.- Wow.

0:21:25 > 0:21:27HE GRUNTS

0:21:27 > 0:21:31- You're through to the next round! - There's no next round.

0:21:31 > 0:21:33- The Hollywood round! - There's no Hollywood round.

0:21:33 > 0:21:35Please can I go to Hollywood? Please, please, please.

0:21:35 > 0:21:38Hollywood, Bob, are going to love it.

0:21:38 > 0:21:41Yeah! Ooh!

0:21:41 > 0:21:44I can't do it. Can we take five for a moment, please? I've got to...

0:21:44 > 0:21:48Excuse me. HE SIGHS

0:21:50 > 0:21:53Keep going, it's good. It's really good.

0:21:55 > 0:21:56Paul.

0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Paul.- Hello, Father.- Paul!

0:21:58 > 0:22:01- Just popped in to congratulate you. Well done.- Thank you!

0:22:01 > 0:22:04- Oh, it's great news.- Thank you much.

0:22:04 > 0:22:07- Well done. - Father, could I ask your advice?

0:22:07 > 0:22:13I've just had a query from one of the children in the auditions.

0:22:13 > 0:22:16I'm not sure how to advise them. They're worried about...lying.

0:22:16 > 0:22:18I think one of them's told a lie.

0:22:18 > 0:22:21We all know there's such a thing as a little white lie

0:22:21 > 0:22:25and there's a black Protestant lie, which is more serious.

0:22:25 > 0:22:29I don't think so. A lie is a lie is a lie.

0:22:29 > 0:22:30Technically?

0:22:30 > 0:22:32- What d'you mean, "technically"? - Well...

0:22:32 > 0:22:35You know. "Is that a nice meal?" "Yes, Mrs Johnson, lovely."

0:22:35 > 0:22:38Even though you're feeling sick, you don't want to hurt her feelings.

0:22:38 > 0:22:42- It's still a lie, isn't it? - I'm not going to be punished for it.

0:22:42 > 0:22:44Please, God, I'm not going to be punished.

0:22:44 > 0:22:47But if you picked the woman up on her bad cooking,

0:22:47 > 0:22:49the next time, you might get a decent meal.

0:23:00 > 0:23:04Ee-aw, ee-aw! Ee-aw, ee-aw!

0:23:06 > 0:23:09- Mrs Bevan.- Ah. - Thank you so much.

0:23:09 > 0:23:11- Can I have a quick word? - My phone is ringing off the hook.

0:23:11 > 0:23:15- Can I grab you for a minute? - Of course.

0:23:15 > 0:23:17Word has got out about the Hollywood connection

0:23:17 > 0:23:20- and parents are ringing.- I... - They want to know why, how, when.

0:23:20 > 0:23:24- I can save time with that.- Wait. This is the cherry on the cake.

0:23:24 > 0:23:26The Lord Mayor's office has rung and they want you

0:23:26 > 0:23:30- to go to a big reception for Coventry ambassadors.- No!

0:23:30 > 0:23:32- Yes, they do!- No!

0:23:32 > 0:23:34There'll be drinks.

0:23:34 > 0:23:35I don't think I can go.

0:23:35 > 0:23:38- I've accepted on your behalf. - Have you?- Yes, you've got to come.

0:23:38 > 0:23:40- PHONE RINGS - I've got to go. Phone!- Mrs Bevan.

0:23:40 > 0:23:43- Mrs...- That'll be somebody else. See you soon, bye-bye.

0:23:55 > 0:23:57DOORBELL RINGS

0:23:59 > 0:24:02- PAUL MUTTERS - You.

0:24:03 > 0:24:06I wonder if I might come in.

0:24:06 > 0:24:09- I think you should come in. - Thank you.- Come on.

0:24:18 > 0:24:20You'd better sit down, Paul.

0:24:20 > 0:24:23I've heard of some things in my life, Paul,

0:24:23 > 0:24:27but to take a dog, called Cracker, and then to put explosives in it

0:24:27 > 0:24:29and blow it apart like a cracker,

0:24:29 > 0:24:32I think common parlance is "the pits".

0:24:32 > 0:24:35Wait till Jennifer hears.

0:24:35 > 0:24:38She'll probably be sitting there in her heart-shaped pool,

0:24:38 > 0:24:41sipping her Cristal champagne, which Harrison has bought her.

0:24:41 > 0:24:44That's her new boyfriend, by the way.

0:24:44 > 0:24:46New boyfriend, you understand that?

0:24:46 > 0:24:49Not the old boyfriend who blows dogs to smithereens.

0:24:53 > 0:24:55BICYCLE BELL DINGS Excuse me.

0:24:59 > 0:25:01- What did she say? - I haven't spoken to her yet.

0:25:01 > 0:25:03- When are you going to phone her? - I'll phone her

0:25:03 > 0:25:06when I've got time and when I've discovered, realised,

0:25:06 > 0:25:08worked out what I'm going to say.

0:25:08 > 0:25:10Phone her. Why don't you want to phone her?

0:25:10 > 0:25:13A, because I'm working. These are books that I'm marking.

0:25:13 > 0:25:17I understand. You were going out with her for a long time.

0:25:17 > 0:25:20You loved her, she loved you. It went wrong.

0:25:20 > 0:25:23You feel butterfly feelings in your tummy when you go to call.

0:25:23 > 0:25:27I understand that. You need to take a big daddy breath,

0:25:27 > 0:25:30pick up the phone, dial the number and say hello.

0:25:30 > 0:25:32I don't know what you think is going on.

0:25:32 > 0:25:35It baffles me that you think I'm hung up over a woman

0:25:35 > 0:25:37I've not seen for five years. I'm not.

0:25:37 > 0:25:41I see a man who's scared and frightened and angry.

0:25:41 > 0:25:44I'm frightened of you, because I've never met one of you before.

0:25:44 > 0:25:48I'm terrified because I don't know what you or I am going to do.

0:25:48 > 0:25:50I can help you mend your heart, Mr Maddens.

0:25:51 > 0:25:53DOOR SLAMS

0:25:53 > 0:25:56Open the door.

0:25:56 > 0:26:00- Did you just slam that door? - No.- Close it properly, please.

0:26:06 > 0:26:08LAUGHTER

0:26:08 > 0:26:13# Maybe this Christmas will mean something more

0:26:13 > 0:26:16# Maybe this year

0:26:16 > 0:26:19# Love will appear

0:26:19 > 0:26:24# Deeper than ever before

0:26:24 > 0:26:29# And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call

0:26:29 > 0:26:31# Someone we love

0:26:31 > 0:26:34# Someone we've lost... #

0:26:34 > 0:26:35CRACKER WHINES

0:26:35 > 0:26:39# For reasons we can't quite recall

0:26:39 > 0:26:43# Mm-mm-mmm Maybe this Christmas... #

0:26:43 > 0:26:44Hello.

0:26:44 > 0:26:47SIGHS WITH ANNOYANCE

0:26:47 > 0:26:50# Maybe this Christmas... #

0:26:56 > 0:26:59I was very impressed with the auditions.

0:26:59 > 0:27:00Thank you very much.

0:27:00 > 0:27:03I thought there was a wonderful array of talent on display.

0:27:03 > 0:27:05So, you can all be proud of yourselves.

0:27:05 > 0:27:08Because there is a wonderful array of talent on display,

0:27:08 > 0:27:12I've no doubt you can handle this song, which is quite advanced. OK.

0:27:12 > 0:27:16# Things are going well in Nazareth

0:27:16 > 0:27:19# Our city is full of joy... #

0:27:19 > 0:27:22Right, and that goes into... PIANO INTRO

0:27:22 > 0:27:23Do you have to do that?

0:27:23 > 0:27:26- So, fine. - That sounds good, doesn't it?

0:27:26 > 0:27:29Yes. So, right, so we've got...

0:27:29 > 0:27:31- # Things are going well... - Things are really cool

0:27:31 > 0:27:34- # In Nazareth - In Nazareth

0:27:34 > 0:27:36# Our city is full of joy... # Shush.

0:27:36 > 0:27:38BOTH SING: # Cos this is where girl meets boy

0:27:38 > 0:27:42- # In Nazareth - Our city is full of joy... #

0:27:42 > 0:27:46- That's it.- Try it. - CHILDREN:- # Things are really cool

0:27:46 > 0:27:49# In Nazareth

0:27:49 > 0:27:53# Our city is full of joy

0:27:53 > 0:27:55# Cos this is where girl meets boy... #

0:27:55 > 0:27:58Who thinks my song is better?

0:27:58 > 0:28:00Anyone?

0:28:00 > 0:28:03This is far more linear. It's very dirge-like.

0:28:03 > 0:28:08Mine is actually...influenced more by Sondheim. But...

0:28:08 > 0:28:11OK. Who prefers Mr Poppy's song?

0:28:12 > 0:28:15Black. Imagine darkness. A black-out.

0:28:15 > 0:28:18The audience thinks, "What's going to happen?"

0:28:18 > 0:28:22And some of the children, maybe six or seven, come on here

0:28:22 > 0:28:26on that, "de-de-de-de-de-de", toe-heel.

0:28:26 > 0:28:29Over here, some more children. De-de-de. So you get this big cross.

0:28:29 > 0:28:33At the back, as the cross opens up, we see the city of Nazareth.

0:28:33 > 0:28:36The children turn round. They've got cut-outs of the city.

0:28:36 > 0:28:39It comes together. There's windows and lights shining through

0:28:39 > 0:28:43and people going, "Hello", through the little windows.

0:28:43 > 0:28:46Mr Poppy. These children will never be able to do that.

0:28:46 > 0:28:48- Yes, they will.- We're useless.

0:28:48 > 0:28:51- Everyone knows we're useless. - You're not useless.

0:28:51 > 0:28:54- That's what Mr Maddens calls us. - No, I don't.

0:28:54 > 0:28:56- GIRLS:- Yes, you do. - No, I don't.

0:28:56 > 0:28:59- Shush. - You told Mrs Bevan that we are.

0:28:59 > 0:29:02- Who told you that? - Sam, she heard you.

0:29:02 > 0:29:05You did say we were useless.

0:29:05 > 0:29:08I didn't mean useless. I didn't mean useless.

0:29:08 > 0:29:11But they will never be able to do that.

0:29:11 > 0:29:13Yeah, they will.

0:29:13 > 0:29:17Anything we can do, Oakmoor can do ten times better.

0:29:17 > 0:29:19Olly, Oakmoor, Shmoakmore.

0:29:19 > 0:29:22Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

0:29:22 > 0:29:26The final scene of the play is a really, really important scene.

0:29:26 > 0:29:29Do you know what happens at the end of the Nativity?

0:29:29 > 0:29:33- Baby Jesus is born. - Baby Jesus is born.

0:29:33 > 0:29:36Right. Who fancies going on a little field trip

0:29:36 > 0:29:41to actually see a real baby being born?

0:29:41 > 0:29:44Here you are! I've been looking for you, my class. What are we all doing?

0:29:44 > 0:29:48We're talking about going on a field trip to see a baby being born.

0:29:48 > 0:29:50- What d'you mean?- It'd be good to do a few field trips.

0:29:50 > 0:29:53- Go to a farm and see animals. - CHILDREN AGREE

0:29:53 > 0:29:56It'd be cool for you to see the animals that come to the manger.

0:29:56 > 0:29:58Thank you. Can we come in, please?

0:29:58 > 0:30:02Enough silliness about babies being born. It's not going to happen.

0:30:02 > 0:30:05How can they be convincing if they've not seen a baby being born?

0:30:05 > 0:30:08It's called pretending. It's what every child

0:30:08 > 0:30:09in every Nativity does every year.

0:30:09 > 0:30:12You can't pretend something, unless you've experienced it.

0:30:12 > 0:30:15I pretend to like you and I've yet to experience that.

0:30:15 > 0:30:16Who wants to see a baby being born?

0:30:16 > 0:30:20- ALL:- Me!

0:30:34 > 0:30:36SCREAMING

0:30:38 > 0:30:41BABY CRIES

0:30:54 > 0:30:56Piglets!

0:31:04 > 0:31:07Hello, everybody, I'd like to welcome you

0:31:07 > 0:31:10to our annual Christmas bazaar at Oakmoor School.

0:31:10 > 0:31:12As you know, Christmas is a time for giving,

0:31:12 > 0:31:14a time for charity

0:31:14 > 0:31:18and valuing those people less fortunate than ourselves.

0:31:18 > 0:31:21So, in that spirit, I'd like to welcome the students

0:31:21 > 0:31:23from St Bernadette's School.

0:31:26 > 0:31:30# Ding dong merrily on high

0:31:30 > 0:31:34- # In heaven the bells are ringing - Ding dong

0:31:34 > 0:31:37- # Ding dong verily the sky - Ooh ooh

0:31:37 > 0:31:41# Is riven with angels singing... #

0:31:41 > 0:31:42MULTIPLE HARMONIES

0:31:42 > 0:31:50# Gloria

0:31:50 > 0:31:54# Hosanna in excelsis. #

0:31:54 > 0:31:56APPLAUSE

0:31:56 > 0:31:57That was good.

0:32:05 > 0:32:09- They look beautiful.- I know. We're never going to beat them.

0:32:17 > 0:32:19Ooh.

0:32:21 > 0:32:23That one's good, isn't he?

0:32:26 > 0:32:27HE SCOFFS

0:32:31 > 0:32:34HE GIGGLES

0:32:35 > 0:32:37APPLAUSE

0:32:44 > 0:32:48How are we, are we all right? Are we ready to give it a go?

0:32:48 > 0:32:50We know it a little bit.

0:32:50 > 0:32:52Listen, this doesn't matter. It's not a test.

0:32:52 > 0:32:54You don't have to get this right.

0:32:54 > 0:32:57This is something we do cos we enjoy it. We enjoy singing.

0:32:57 > 0:33:00Just to give us an idea of a Mary and Joseph.

0:33:00 > 0:33:02OK? Mr Poppy, if you would, please.

0:33:02 > 0:33:04Two, three.

0:33:04 > 0:33:08# He's not my type

0:33:08 > 0:33:13# She's not too bad

0:33:13 > 0:33:20# Not the most gorgeous I've ever had

0:33:20 > 0:33:23# And yet there's something

0:33:23 > 0:33:27# Behind those eyes

0:33:27 > 0:33:32# A fire that flickers... #

0:33:32 > 0:33:33ALL SHOUT

0:33:35 > 0:33:37CYMBALS CRASH

0:33:39 > 0:33:40What's going on?

0:33:42 > 0:33:44Olly and Alfie, did I see you fighting?

0:33:46 > 0:33:49Why were you fighting?

0:33:49 > 0:33:51He said I'd be rubbish at Joseph

0:33:51 > 0:33:53and I'll never make it in the school play

0:33:53 > 0:33:56and if I do, I would let the school down.

0:33:56 > 0:33:58Alfie, who made you director?

0:33:58 > 0:34:01No-one. But...but he hit me.

0:34:01 > 0:34:06Alfie, it's not down to you who's going to be rubbish or good

0:34:06 > 0:34:07or who'll let the school down.

0:34:07 > 0:34:11You've just let the school down, and so have you, Olly.

0:34:11 > 0:34:12You both want to try out for Joseph?

0:34:12 > 0:34:17- Yes, Mr Maddens.- Yeah? Neither of you are going to. Sit down.

0:34:17 > 0:34:19I knew you'd never let me!

0:34:23 > 0:34:26Jade. Do you want to try for Mary?

0:34:26 > 0:34:30- Olly.- Yes, Mr Maddens. - Take your feet of the seat.

0:34:35 > 0:34:38- Try for Joseph. Come on. - Thank you, Mr Maddens.

0:34:40 > 0:34:42# I'll grow to love her

0:34:42 > 0:34:46# It might work out

0:34:46 > 0:34:49# Too young to know

0:34:49 > 0:34:53# What it's all about... #

0:34:53 > 0:34:56This one I'm quite excited about, but it's a bit of a risk.

0:34:56 > 0:35:00It could go either way. If you don't like it, you can just say.

0:35:00 > 0:35:03Er... What...? Hang on. What's down here?

0:35:03 > 0:35:07Oh, I think I've just found...

0:35:07 > 0:35:09What's...? DOOR CLOSES

0:35:13 > 0:35:17# Together, for ever

0:35:17 > 0:35:22# And always home

0:35:22 > 0:35:23- # Together... #- Other hand.

0:35:23 > 0:35:27# For ever and always

0:35:27 > 0:35:31# Always home. #

0:35:31 > 0:35:33And kiss.

0:35:33 > 0:35:37- BOTH:- And no. - They don't have to kiss.- Yes.

0:35:37 > 0:35:40- No, Mr Poppy.- What about a cuddle? - Jade, Olly. Come here.

0:35:40 > 0:35:41Sit here.

0:35:44 > 0:35:45- That was excellent.- Thank you.

0:35:45 > 0:35:47- You've got a beautiful voice. - Thank you.

0:35:47 > 0:35:50And, Olly.

0:35:50 > 0:35:52That was really good.

0:35:52 > 0:35:53Thank you, Mr Maddens.

0:35:53 > 0:35:56So, what was all that about earlier?

0:35:56 > 0:36:00- Alfie got on my nerves.- But do you see what I'm saying to you?

0:36:00 > 0:36:02I don't care if someone's getting on your nerves, you don't fight.

0:36:02 > 0:36:05People think you're a bad lad. Maybe you're not.

0:36:05 > 0:36:07The more bad things you do,

0:36:07 > 0:36:09people have you marked down as that.

0:36:09 > 0:36:13You've got talent and you let yourself down by being silly.

0:36:13 > 0:36:17There are only so many conversations I can have about that.

0:36:17 > 0:36:20Only so many times I can tell you off. Do you understand?

0:36:20 > 0:36:23You don't want to be told off by me. It's boring. I hate doing it.

0:36:23 > 0:36:26It's really boring for me as well.

0:36:26 > 0:36:30If you could show me more of what you've shown me there,

0:36:30 > 0:36:32you could be great in this show.

0:36:32 > 0:36:35- So, can I be Joseph, Mr Maddens? - We don't know that yet.

0:36:35 > 0:36:37Boy band, all right.

0:36:37 > 0:36:40I'm thinking I can see my boy band here.

0:36:40 > 0:36:44I'm thinking this is the boy band, but we've got to whittle it down.

0:36:44 > 0:36:46- Without TJ.- Buddy? No TJ.

0:36:46 > 0:36:49- Why? - I think he'd be a cool Gabriel.- OK.

0:36:49 > 0:36:51He's in my Gabriel pile.

0:36:51 > 0:36:53How will we whittle it down?

0:36:53 > 0:36:55We've got to lose two.

0:36:55 > 0:36:59- Good dancer. Zack is a great dancer. - He should definitely be in it.

0:36:59 > 0:37:01- Matt? - Spiky hair and a good dancer.

0:37:01 > 0:37:04Right, spiky hair, he's a good dancer.

0:37:04 > 0:37:05Plus, he's eye-candy for the girls.

0:37:05 > 0:37:08I don't think we need to bother ourselves with that. He's 11.

0:37:08 > 0:37:11Have you seen the looks he gets in the playground?

0:37:11 > 0:37:13- I don't look for those. - All these girls are like...

0:37:13 > 0:37:14Good. OK, well...

0:37:14 > 0:37:18- He doesn't walk around the playground, he struts.- Erm...

0:37:18 > 0:37:21- Bobby!- Good morning, Mr Poppy.

0:37:21 > 0:37:26I'm feeling a bit upset because I haven't got the part in the show.

0:37:26 > 0:37:29How do you know that? We're just working it out.

0:37:29 > 0:37:32- Bob, what do you want to be? - I want to be king.- Bob...

0:37:32 > 0:37:35# She's the brightest star I've ever seen... #

0:37:35 > 0:37:38- Throw some shapes. - INDISTINCT SINGING

0:37:43 > 0:37:45# ..She shines down the light

0:37:45 > 0:37:50# And she's gonna be my girl and me her boy... #

0:37:50 > 0:37:52Is there room for a little one?

0:37:52 > 0:37:54- Hm. Yeah.- You're through.

0:37:54 > 0:37:56Get in there, baby, get in.

0:37:56 > 0:37:58Thank you, Bob.

0:37:58 > 0:38:00Chin up.

0:38:01 > 0:38:06Things are moving apace a little bit with this Hollywood business.

0:38:06 > 0:38:09If they go down the road before they come here, it'll be disastrous.

0:38:09 > 0:38:13It's the end of everything. We'll be washed up by the age of ten.

0:38:13 > 0:38:14We need to find Jennifer Law,

0:38:14 > 0:38:19who's this executive producer - she works in one of the major studios.

0:38:19 > 0:38:22I need somebody to go online to find out where she is.

0:38:22 > 0:38:24I want her contacted.

0:38:24 > 0:38:27We need to find out exactly what they're doing in their show.

0:38:27 > 0:38:31- ALL: Yes, Mr Shakespeare. - We can see what their show's like,

0:38:31 > 0:38:33see what they've got going on, then we can top it.

0:38:33 > 0:38:36We beat them. If their show's big, we make ours bigger.

0:38:36 > 0:38:38SHOUTING

0:38:44 > 0:38:45We're going to do a warm-up

0:38:45 > 0:38:50because it's very important before we do strenuous rehearsals or activity,

0:38:50 > 0:38:53that we are warm our bodies and our minds up.

0:38:53 > 0:38:56Minds are equally important to warm up as our bodies.

0:38:56 > 0:38:57- Hi, Mr Poppy.- Hi.

0:38:57 > 0:39:00We're going to do a gentle warm-up. You can join us, if you like.

0:39:00 > 0:39:03I've got some music. I prepared a warm-up.

0:39:03 > 0:39:05A little dance. We're going to limber up.

0:39:05 > 0:39:08Copy what I do. And you, Mr Maddens.

0:39:08 > 0:39:11MUSIC: "I Want You Back" by the Jackson 5

0:39:15 > 0:39:18- Ho, ho, ho. - CHILDREN COPY

0:39:27 > 0:39:31# A-ha-ha-ha-ha

0:39:31 > 0:39:34# Let me tell you now

0:39:34 > 0:39:36# Ooh-hoo

0:39:38 > 0:39:42# When I had you to myself I didn't want you around

0:39:42 > 0:39:46# Those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd

0:39:46 > 0:39:48# But someone picked you from the bunch

0:39:48 > 0:39:51# One glance was all it took

0:39:51 > 0:39:55# Now it's much too late for me to take a second look

0:39:55 > 0:39:59# Oh, baby, give me one more chance

0:39:59 > 0:40:00# Show you that I love you

0:40:00 > 0:40:05# Won't you please let me back in your arms?

0:40:05 > 0:40:10# Oh, darling, I was blind to let you go

0:40:10 > 0:40:14# But now since I see you in his arms

0:40:14 > 0:40:16- # I want you back - Yes, I do now

0:40:16 > 0:40:18- # I want you back... # - Spies!

0:40:18 > 0:40:21- CHILDREN SHOUT - Mr Maddens, it's the freak.

0:40:23 > 0:40:30Cry God for Harry, England and St George!

0:40:30 > 0:40:33- Come on. - SHOUTING

0:40:42 > 0:40:44- SHE LAUGHS - Break time.

0:40:44 > 0:40:46I wanted to say, you know, if you needed help

0:40:46 > 0:40:49with the singing or dancing, or anything like that.

0:40:49 > 0:40:51SHOUTING CONTINUES

0:40:55 > 0:40:58- Step, step, change... - Excuse me.- Step, step...

0:41:04 > 0:41:06Gordon!

0:41:07 > 0:41:09Gordon!

0:41:09 > 0:41:12- I don't know what's happening. - What are you doing?

0:41:12 > 0:41:15- Why've you come to the school? - We came on a field trip and...

0:41:17 > 0:41:20- Excuse me. Excuse me. No... - Mr Maddens!

0:41:23 > 0:41:26Bundle!

0:41:29 > 0:41:33Some of the children have described being encouraged to have a rumble.

0:41:33 > 0:41:35What on earth does that mean?

0:41:35 > 0:41:37It was more of a bundle than a rumble.

0:41:37 > 0:41:39Bundle or rumble, I do not care.

0:41:39 > 0:41:44You've dragged this school and your trousers through the mire.

0:41:44 > 0:41:46If it wasn't for this Hollywood thing,

0:41:46 > 0:41:48you'd be off the premises without a job and without a reference.

0:41:48 > 0:41:50Get out, back your classrooms.

0:41:50 > 0:41:54- Tuck your shirt in. - I'm really sorry.

0:41:54 > 0:41:56Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, Thank you for coming.

0:41:56 > 0:42:00I know a lot of you have heard about the Hollywood connection,

0:42:00 > 0:42:03so I'll hand you over to Mr Maddens. Paul.

0:42:03 > 0:42:05There was talk about relocating.

0:42:05 > 0:42:08Is this... Is there any truth in this?

0:42:08 > 0:42:12I don't want any of us to run away with ourselves

0:42:12 > 0:42:15and dream about Hollywood mansions or swimming pools,

0:42:15 > 0:42:17when we know that is plainly a fantasy.

0:42:17 > 0:42:21Yeah, but if the people from Hollywood see something brilliant

0:42:21 > 0:42:24in your child, they'll probably take them over there.

0:42:24 > 0:42:26I'm worried about the religious aspect being lost.

0:42:26 > 0:42:29It will be absolutely, 100%,

0:42:29 > 0:42:32in line with the teaching of the Church, a normal Nativity.

0:42:32 > 0:42:34Yeah, but also we've got the death slide.

0:42:34 > 0:42:36How much are you paying?

0:42:36 > 0:42:39There will be no financial benefit, as far as I know.

0:42:39 > 0:42:41If you're making a film, there's got to be a fee.

0:42:41 > 0:42:43Nobody does a film for nothing.

0:42:43 > 0:42:45It's Hollywood, they've got the money.

0:42:45 > 0:42:48And he's really good. He deserves to be paid.

0:42:48 > 0:42:51About £1 million. I think, I've heard.

0:42:51 > 0:42:54- We're going to have to get agents. - Alfie can't have contacts.

0:42:54 > 0:42:56Just don't cast him, then.

0:42:56 > 0:42:59- My daughter is very beautiful. - Will my daughter Becky be...?

0:42:59 > 0:43:02- My daughter is going to be... - She's a Mary, isn't she?

0:43:02 > 0:43:04EVERYONE SPEAKS AT ONCE

0:43:04 > 0:43:08OK... Hi, Jennifer, this is, er, Paul. Paul Maddens.

0:43:08 > 0:43:11Er... Just wondering if you can possibly give me a call back.

0:43:11 > 0:43:14I have something to ask you, if that's all right.

0:43:14 > 0:43:17If you could give me a ri... Love you.

0:43:17 > 0:43:20What are you...?! Don't say that.

0:43:20 > 0:43:22Why did you tell me to say that?

0:43:22 > 0:43:25- It's a nice ending. - It's not a nice ending.

0:43:25 > 0:43:28It's a totally inappropriate ending. What are you talking about?

0:43:28 > 0:43:32- Why are you were my house?! - I'm just trying to help, Mr Maddens.

0:43:32 > 0:43:33It's not helping!

0:43:33 > 0:43:36I haven't told her I loved her have a five years...

0:43:36 > 0:43:38Get out. What are you doing?

0:43:38 > 0:43:39He's doing it for the best,

0:43:39 > 0:43:42because if it does happen, it'll be brilliant.

0:43:42 > 0:43:45- It's not happening. - But it might happen.- How?

0:43:45 > 0:43:47- Well...- How's it going to happen?

0:43:47 > 0:43:51- Maybe you could kind of help out. - Desmond.

0:43:51 > 0:43:54Are you going to be on break duty, today? Can you...?

0:43:54 > 0:43:57- I was chatting with Miss Rye. - You shouldn't be.

0:43:57 > 0:43:58Can you get out, please?

0:43:58 > 0:44:00- Paul.- Yeah?

0:44:01 > 0:44:03Why did you lie?

0:44:03 > 0:44:06- About what?- About America,

0:44:06 > 0:44:09about Hollywood all being a complete load of rubbish.

0:44:09 > 0:44:11- You've lied about all this. - You DID lie.

0:44:11 > 0:44:14I'm in shock. I'm in shock.

0:44:14 > 0:44:15I'm really sorry. I was looking for the right time.

0:44:15 > 0:44:18- What are you going to do? - I don't know.

0:44:18 > 0:44:21- You've got to do something. - Maybe you've got an idea.

0:44:21 > 0:44:24You've got to get Jennifer to return your calls

0:44:24 > 0:44:26- or speak to you, whatever.- Yes.

0:44:26 > 0:44:28We're going to film what we've done.

0:44:28 > 0:44:31- We'll film some of the rehearsals. - A best bits.

0:44:31 > 0:44:34- A best bit of these children?- Yes. - Four seconds. There are no best bits.

0:44:34 > 0:44:36- Oh!- Come on, Paul!

0:44:36 > 0:44:39OK, just get something. Get what you can.

0:44:39 > 0:44:41The best thing you can. On the DVD.

0:44:41 > 0:44:43Film it for the DVD. Send the DVD.

0:44:43 > 0:44:44Stop saying "DVD".

0:44:44 > 0:44:46It's got to be worth a try.

0:44:46 > 0:44:50Well, I'm not doing the DVD.

0:44:50 > 0:44:53# She's the brightest star I've ever seen

0:44:53 > 0:44:58# It's like we're living in some kind of dream

0:44:58 > 0:45:01# Why do I feel love with her with hope and joy

0:45:01 > 0:45:04# Cos she's shining down the light

0:45:04 > 0:45:08# And she's gonna be my girl and me her boy... #

0:45:08 > 0:45:10VOICES FADE TO SILENT

0:45:21 > 0:45:23THEY CHEER

0:45:24 > 0:45:26OK. Er...

0:45:38 > 0:45:41OK, nice and loud. In here, in here. Go!

0:45:45 > 0:45:47HE SOBS

0:45:53 > 0:45:57'Hello, you don't know me. I've heard a lot about you

0:45:57 > 0:46:00'and the children have got something they want to tell you.

0:46:00 > 0:46:02'Mr Maddens is having a hard time without you.

0:46:02 > 0:46:09'Mr Maddens loves you so much, so can you please come back?

0:46:09 > 0:46:11'Please, please come back and mend Mr Maddens' heart.

0:46:11 > 0:46:14'Mr Maddens is heartbroken without you.

0:46:16 > 0:46:18'Without you, Mr Maddens is lost.

0:46:18 > 0:46:23'Mr Maddens is miserable without you, Jennifer.

0:46:23 > 0:46:26'So, please, please come.

0:46:26 > 0:46:29'Erm, and come and see the show while you're here.

0:46:29 > 0:46:31'And everything will be good.'

0:46:44 > 0:46:48The Lord Mayor welcomes Mrs Bevan and Mr Maddens!

0:46:48 > 0:46:51APPLAUSE

0:46:55 > 0:46:57- Paul Maddens.- Nice to meet you.

0:46:57 > 0:47:00- How d'you do?- Nice to see you again. - Lovely to be here.

0:47:00 > 0:47:02You look marvellous, by the way.

0:47:02 > 0:47:04This old thing comes out at Christmas time.

0:47:04 > 0:47:06You look like a Christmas cracker!

0:47:06 > 0:47:07Thank you very much.

0:47:07 > 0:47:10Let's hope you get pulled before the end of the night!

0:47:10 > 0:47:14Can I take you for a drink, Mrs Bevan?

0:47:14 > 0:47:15I'm sure you'd like another glass of champagne.

0:47:15 > 0:47:18I'd love another one. It's very nice, very cooling.

0:47:18 > 0:47:20- Patrick Burns.- Hello.

0:47:20 > 0:47:23- Coventry Evening Telegraph. - I know who you are, yeah.

0:47:23 > 0:47:26- Excited?- About?

0:47:26 > 0:47:27Hollywood?

0:47:27 > 0:47:29Oh, yeah, that old thing.

0:47:29 > 0:47:31I've got contacts there. Had them for years.

0:47:31 > 0:47:33Pulling in a favour.

0:47:33 > 0:47:36Yeah. From a young lady. Jennifer, isn't it?

0:47:36 > 0:47:38- Er, yeah.- Yeah...

0:47:38 > 0:47:41Sorry, I know how this works. No. You're a reporter and it's...

0:47:41 > 0:47:44No, I'm off duty. I'm off duty.

0:47:44 > 0:47:47- I hear there's no such thing.- Please.

0:47:47 > 0:47:51Gordon was saying how you had a few problems in the beginning

0:47:51 > 0:47:54and then he said to her, "You go, girl. You go to LA."

0:47:54 > 0:47:58I just wondered your take on it all.

0:48:00 > 0:48:05- I'm sensing a lot of anger. - Are you? Why would that be, I wonder?

0:48:05 > 0:48:08Could it be because you are the man who, five years ago,

0:48:08 > 0:48:12roundly trashed my one honest attempt at putting on a Nativity.

0:48:12 > 0:48:15It doesn't ring a bell. Sure it was me?

0:48:15 > 0:48:18"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" was the headline. Now, with a chance...

0:48:18 > 0:48:20Oh, come on. It was appalling.

0:48:20 > 0:48:21So, you do remember it?

0:48:21 > 0:48:24I did that review to make you tough.

0:48:24 > 0:48:27Look at you now. You're mixing with Hollywood.

0:48:27 > 0:48:30You're no-one if you haven't had a bad review off Patrick Burns.

0:48:30 > 0:48:32That's why they call them Burns' victims.

0:48:35 > 0:48:36Ladies and gentlemen,

0:48:36 > 0:48:38can I thank you for your attendance and your support

0:48:38 > 0:48:41because I would like to publicly congratulate

0:48:41 > 0:48:44Mr Maddens and St Bernadette's School

0:48:44 > 0:48:48for the incredible opportunity they are affording our wonderful city.

0:48:48 > 0:48:50APPLAUSE

0:48:50 > 0:48:53In honour of this occasion, and much against the council's wishes,

0:48:53 > 0:48:56the mayor's parlour has overruled the council

0:48:56 > 0:48:59and we would like to offer the cathedral ruins

0:48:59 > 0:49:01as a venue for your show.

0:49:01 > 0:49:03HE LAUGHS

0:49:03 > 0:49:04APPLAUSE

0:49:15 > 0:49:17Mr Maddens.

0:49:17 > 0:49:20This is brilliant. This is going to blow your mind.

0:49:20 > 0:49:23Prepare to be amazed.

0:49:23 > 0:49:25We're doing it at the cathedral.

0:49:25 > 0:49:27What?

0:49:27 > 0:49:33- We're doing the show in the ruins of the cathedral.- Yes!

0:49:33 > 0:49:35The cathedral's got a spire.

0:49:35 > 0:49:38- It's got a really high spire. - You don't seem to understand

0:49:38 > 0:49:39that the bigger this gets...

0:49:39 > 0:49:41It's now constituting fraud.

0:49:41 > 0:49:45He's getting corporate sponsors involved to give money

0:49:45 > 0:49:47- and to give their services for free. - We need money.

0:49:47 > 0:49:50- We need lights. We need a little smoke machine.- Please.

0:49:50 > 0:49:53We need someone to help do the hanging. I can't.

0:49:53 > 0:49:55- I tried with the rope, but it keeps snapping...- Mr Poppy.

0:49:55 > 0:49:57Stop it, please. Seriously.

0:49:57 > 0:50:00- What are you doing? - I think I'm having a heart...

0:50:00 > 0:50:02- Mr Maddens.- Don't touch me.

0:50:02 > 0:50:05- You're upset, aren't you? - HIGH-PITCHED: Oh!

0:50:05 > 0:50:09I can give you a cuddle. Cuddles make it all go away.

0:50:09 > 0:50:12I promise. Feel this.

0:50:12 > 0:50:15(You're hurting me.)

0:50:15 > 0:50:16We can do this, Mr Maddens, can't we?

0:50:16 > 0:50:18"Yes, we can."

0:50:18 > 0:50:21- No, we can't.- We can, we can. Look...

0:50:21 > 0:50:23I'll leave you here, all right?

0:50:23 > 0:50:26You can listen to the music and just chill out and relax.

0:50:26 > 0:50:28I'll take care of the children.

0:50:28 > 0:50:30MUSIC PLAYS ON LAPTOP

0:50:30 > 0:50:33Believe, Mr Maddens, believe.

0:50:33 > 0:50:36# I've had a little make-over and I'm all dressed up tonight... #

0:50:36 > 0:50:38Out to here, out to here.

0:50:38 > 0:50:42# A cheeky drink A naughty wink... #

0:50:42 > 0:50:45Yes.

0:50:45 > 0:50:48- # Step up and put your shades on - Cos I'm about to shine... #

0:50:48 > 0:50:51This is the cathedral. Fill the cathedral.

0:50:51 > 0:50:54- Good. - # Cos there's no star like mine! #

0:50:54 > 0:50:56Yes.

0:50:56 > 0:50:58ALL: # Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... #

0:50:58 > 0:51:01See, that's... Can you cut the music, please? Cut the music.

0:51:01 > 0:51:04That has got to come in absolutely after the...

0:51:04 > 0:51:06# Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh. #

0:51:06 > 0:51:09Bosh! # Sparkle and shine! #

0:51:09 > 0:51:11It has to have that ferocity to it.

0:51:11 > 0:51:14It's a cathedral we're trying to fill, not just this hall.

0:51:14 > 0:51:16You're not hitting me when I'm here.

0:51:16 > 0:51:18OK, let's go again, please.

0:51:18 > 0:51:23# I've had a little make-over and I'm all dressed up tonight

0:51:23 > 0:51:27# A cheeky drink A naughty wink

0:51:27 > 0:51:30# We'll loosen up, all right

0:51:30 > 0:51:33# Step up and put your shades on

0:51:33 > 0:51:36# Cos I'm about to shine

0:51:36 > 0:51:38# My blinding light will throw you

0:51:38 > 0:51:42# Cos there's no starlight like mine

0:51:42 > 0:51:45# Sparkle and shine

0:51:45 > 0:51:47# Planets gather round

0:51:47 > 0:51:50# Sparkle and shine

0:51:50 > 0:51:53# Let's all make a dazzling sound

0:51:53 > 0:51:56# Here's something you won't believe

0:51:56 > 0:52:01# It's the first time ever It's Christmas Eve. #

0:52:01 > 0:52:03HE HOLDS NOTE

0:52:07 > 0:52:10Very good. Very good. Well done.

0:52:10 > 0:52:13BELL RINGS All right. Be back in an hour. Go.

0:52:13 > 0:52:17CHILDREN SHOUT Mr Poppy! Mr...

0:52:17 > 0:52:20Right, carefully, please. Carefully, Lucy.

0:52:20 > 0:52:25Hello, Sadie. That was great. Well done.

0:52:25 > 0:52:28- I don't really want to do it. - You don't want to do what?

0:52:28 > 0:52:30The singing and dancing.

0:52:30 > 0:52:32Come here. Sit down. Sit down.

0:52:36 > 0:52:38HE CLEARS THROAT

0:52:38 > 0:52:39Sadie, that was absolutely brilliant.

0:52:39 > 0:52:41Everyone's going to laugh at me.

0:52:41 > 0:52:44No, everyone's going to laugh with you.

0:52:44 > 0:52:48Anyone who tells you that anyone's going to laugh at you must be a fool,

0:52:48 > 0:52:50because you were great up there -

0:52:50 > 0:52:52you sparkled and you shone like the brightest star.

0:52:52 > 0:52:54You were really good.

0:52:54 > 0:52:55Please don't drop out now.

0:52:57 > 0:53:01HE SIGHS Truth be known, I need you.

0:53:01 > 0:53:03I need all of you in it, OK?

0:53:03 > 0:53:06If you don't do it for yourself, please, look at me -

0:53:06 > 0:53:10I'm a man literally on the edge of something, I don't know what.

0:53:10 > 0:53:16But if you go now, it will really, genuinely...

0:53:16 > 0:53:17hurt me.

0:53:18 > 0:53:21You were great up there.

0:53:21 > 0:53:24- Do I have to wear a stupid costume?- Yes.

0:53:24 > 0:53:26It's the Nativity. You can't look cool.

0:53:26 > 0:53:28Go on, have your lunch.

0:53:38 > 0:53:40Oh, you're joking!

0:54:00 > 0:54:02"Dear Father Christmas,

0:54:02 > 0:54:05"I'm so scared of not doing the play properly,

0:54:05 > 0:54:08"so please could you make my Christmas wish come true

0:54:08 > 0:54:10"and make Hollywood love us in the play?

0:54:10 > 0:54:14"PS, make me be Mary. Love, Saffron."

0:54:16 > 0:54:20"Dear Santa, please send me loads of stuff and surprises.

0:54:20 > 0:54:23"I want to be happy and see more of my mum,

0:54:23 > 0:54:25"cos she never spends any time with me.

0:54:25 > 0:54:27"And please let me be Joseph.

0:54:27 > 0:54:30"She's never seen me do a school play before.

0:54:30 > 0:54:32"Thank you very much, from Olly."

0:54:37 > 0:54:41"Dear Santa, please, please let my Christmas wish come true.

0:54:41 > 0:54:45"I'd really love for everyone in the world to be happy, even Mr Maddens.

0:54:45 > 0:54:48"Please help Mr Maddens get his girlfriend back

0:54:48 > 0:54:49"when she comes to see us.

0:54:49 > 0:54:52"Thank you very much, from Charlotte."

0:54:59 > 0:55:01"Dear Father Christmas,

0:55:01 > 0:55:04"please make my teacher happy, cos he seems really sad.

0:55:04 > 0:55:07"He doesn't even like Christmas.

0:55:07 > 0:55:11"So, please help him find his smile. Love from Lizzie."

0:55:11 > 0:55:13HE GULPS

0:55:23 > 0:55:27Right. Who wants to go on a death slide?

0:55:27 > 0:55:29- ALL:- Me! - Yes!

0:55:31 > 0:55:33- What's going on?- I'm going.

0:55:33 > 0:55:36- What d'you mean, you're going? - I'm going to Hollywood.- You...

0:55:36 > 0:55:38- Are you being serious?- Yes, I am.

0:55:38 > 0:55:40- Ah! - HE LAUGHS

0:55:40 > 0:55:43I want to kiss you. And me too.

0:55:43 > 0:55:46No, no. You've got to be here, look after the play.

0:55:46 > 0:55:50- You're my wingman. - Yes, Mr Maddens!

0:55:50 > 0:55:54- Send me a postcard, man.- I will do. - OK. Do-do-doo!

0:55:54 > 0:55:58- TO TUNE OF "HOLIDAYS ARE COMING": - # Hollywood is coming! #

0:55:58 > 0:56:03CHIMES, FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT

0:56:03 > 0:56:06- Mr Maddens.- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Mr Maddens.

0:56:06 > 0:56:07- Hello.- Room for two little ones?

0:56:07 > 0:56:10- Sorry?- William and Saffron are coming with you.

0:56:10 > 0:56:13- They can't come on the plane with me. - I've got consent forms.

0:56:13 > 0:56:16- I've got the passports. - Passports?- Tickets.

0:56:16 > 0:56:20Miss Rye and I thought it would be a good idea if they come with you,

0:56:20 > 0:56:23cos they can sing and dance and do the opening numbers and Nazareth.

0:56:23 > 0:56:25The gate's closing. She's got allergies.

0:56:25 > 0:56:28- What are your allergies? - Ponies, horses, donkeys and cats.

0:56:28 > 0:56:31- I don't have time for this. - It's a good idea.

0:56:31 > 0:56:34- Desmond, this is all very sweet. - They can help you.

0:56:34 > 0:56:37I'm not taking two children on an 11-hour flight.

0:56:46 > 0:56:49MUSIC: "Sleigh Ride" by The Ronettes

0:57:03 > 0:57:05- Mr Maddens! Look what we've found! - What is it?

0:57:05 > 0:57:07So, we're in the right area.

0:57:07 > 0:57:10We're closer to her than we were at the beach. Good.

0:57:10 > 0:57:14We should be getting very near Beverly Hills now.

0:57:14 > 0:57:16Saffron!

0:57:18 > 0:57:22If we come across anyone, let me do the talking. You keep schtum, OK?

0:57:22 > 0:57:23Now, just follow me.

0:57:23 > 0:57:26- Excuse me.- Hi. - Hey, you guys have an appointment?

0:57:26 > 0:57:29Er, yes, that's right. I have an appointment with Jennifer Law.

0:57:29 > 0:57:33- My name is Paul Maddens. - Can I see some ID, please?

0:57:33 > 0:57:36- Sorry? - I need to see a piece of ID.

0:57:36 > 0:57:40I'm so sorry. Totally my fault. I haven't got it with me.

0:57:40 > 0:57:44You're not on the list. I wouldn't let you on if you had it.

0:57:44 > 0:57:47Is it possible to check somewhere else?

0:57:47 > 0:57:49I've come all the way with these two.

0:57:49 > 0:57:50- I'll check.- If you would.

0:57:52 > 0:57:54Follow me.

0:57:54 > 0:57:55- Come on!- Hey!

0:57:55 > 0:57:59- This way!- Hey! Come here! Hey, stop! Come here! Stop!

0:57:59 > 0:58:00Quick.

0:58:00 > 0:58:03Come on.

0:58:06 > 0:58:10OK. OK. Come here. Hold on tight. Hold on tight.

0:58:10 > 0:58:12Stop!

0:58:13 > 0:58:15Stop! Wait!

0:58:18 > 0:58:22- Whoa!- Whoa! Whoa!

0:58:22 > 0:58:25Gabriel! Thomas, it's not your bit.

0:58:25 > 0:58:27What d'you mean, it's not my bit?

0:58:29 > 0:58:30BLEATING

0:58:37 > 0:58:39SQUEALING

0:58:48 > 0:58:50DONKEY BRAYS

0:58:55 > 0:58:56Aw!

0:58:56 > 0:58:58- TRUMP! - Oh!

0:59:04 > 0:59:08..That's a David Lowenstein? OK, putting you through.

0:59:08 > 0:59:11Good morning, Independent United Pictures. Hi, Angie!

0:59:11 > 0:59:13I know!

0:59:15 > 0:59:17Putting you through.

0:59:17 > 0:59:19- How can I help you, sir? - My name is Paul Maddens...

0:59:19 > 0:59:22Good afternoon, Independent United Pictures. Uh-huh.

0:59:22 > 0:59:24That's for Sean Michelle? Putting you through.

0:59:24 > 0:59:29- I'm sorry, sir.- Hi. Paul Maddens to see Jennifer Law at ten o'clock.

0:59:29 > 0:59:33- Can I take you name again, sir? - Paul Maddens. M-A-D-D-E-N-S.

0:59:33 > 0:59:38- P-A-U-L-L? - P-A-U-L. No, just one L.- One L.

0:59:38 > 0:59:40I don't have that appointment, sir.

0:59:40 > 0:59:42- Sorry, is... - If you'd move away from the desk.

0:59:42 > 0:59:44THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

0:59:44 > 0:59:46- Tony, we have children in reception! - So, what's the problem?

0:59:46 > 0:59:50- Tony, we have children in reception! - What's the problem?- Kevin...

0:59:50 > 0:59:53I'm so sorry, Jennifer, there's this crazy guy.

0:59:53 > 0:59:56- Yeah, it's fine. - He's been ask...- It's OK. I...

1:00:01 > 1:00:03You look amazing.

1:00:03 > 1:00:05Why are you here?

1:00:05 > 1:00:08You know why I'm here. You didn't give me much of a choice.

1:00:08 > 1:00:09You didn't return my calls.

1:00:09 > 1:00:12- Paul.- What?- I don't understand what I'm meant to do.

1:00:12 > 1:00:16Look, you shouldn't be involved in it, but, somehow,

1:00:16 > 1:00:19we've got to a situation where the whole town thinks

1:00:19 > 1:00:20that Hollywood are coming.

1:00:20 > 1:00:23Why do feel like I'm suddenly ten years ago?

1:00:23 > 1:00:26I tried to maintain contact with you. You were having none of it.

1:00:26 > 1:00:28- You did not want anything... - Excuse me.

1:00:28 > 1:00:31- Sorry. Jen, this is that letter of agreement.- OK.

1:00:31 > 1:00:35- You can take time off. - I can't take time off.

1:00:35 > 1:00:37- I know you're busy. - I don't understand why...

1:00:37 > 1:00:40An executive producer can't just take time off?

1:00:40 > 1:00:42I'm not an executive producer.

1:00:42 > 1:00:44What do you mean? What are you, then?

1:00:44 > 1:00:47I file, I answer phone calls. I speak to people,

1:00:47 > 1:00:49I put people in meetings,

1:00:49 > 1:00:51- I take people out of meetings. - A secretary?

1:00:51 > 1:00:55- Yep.- You can't be a secretary. You can't be a secretary.

1:00:55 > 1:00:58She does a heck of a lot more than that, pal,

1:00:58 > 1:01:01- and you should respect her time. - I am pretty much a secretary.

1:01:01 > 1:01:03Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:03 > 1:01:06I'm sorry. Look, I know this is mad.

1:01:06 > 1:01:09I know this is absolutely insane and it's my fault.

1:01:09 > 1:01:12I'm asking you for one more favour and then I'll be out of your life.

1:01:12 > 1:01:17- I can't do anything.- If you can't, who can? Harrison, are you up for it?

1:01:17 > 1:01:20I believe the answer is no. Sorry you came all this way...

1:01:20 > 1:01:24- A trip to England? - I'm sorry you have come over here.

1:01:24 > 1:01:27- Who could help me out, then? - If you got an appointment...

1:01:27 > 1:01:32I am not leaving here with these two without something to take home, OK?

1:01:32 > 1:01:33Come here!

1:01:34 > 1:01:37- Kevin, get security. - Security, please!

1:01:37 > 1:01:39This way, this way.

1:01:39 > 1:01:43Have you heard of the Nativity?

1:01:43 > 1:01:46HE SIGHS You have, I can tell you have.

1:01:46 > 1:01:48So, we're doing our Nativity show.

1:01:48 > 1:01:53- Mary meets Joseph. They... - I know the story.- OK.

1:01:53 > 1:01:55All I need to tell you is it's being performed by 24 children.

1:01:55 > 1:01:59It happens every year in every school around the world

1:01:59 > 1:02:01where Christians are.

1:02:01 > 1:02:03So, what's so special about yours?

1:02:03 > 1:02:06A good question. Here's an even better answer.

1:02:06 > 1:02:09One, two, three, four.

1:02:09 > 1:02:12BOTH: # Things are really cool... # (Sing it out.)

1:02:12 > 1:02:14# In Nazareth

1:02:14 > 1:02:18# Our city is full of joy

1:02:18 > 1:02:21# Cos this is where girl meets boy... #

1:02:21 > 1:02:25Yes, that's a Sean Burridge. Putting you through.

1:02:25 > 1:02:26Last chance.

1:02:29 > 1:02:31Bye, Paul. Thanks for dropping by.

1:02:31 > 1:02:33- Oh, shut up, Harrison!- Hey.

1:02:41 > 1:02:42They're not coming, are they?

1:02:45 > 1:02:47No, they're not.

1:02:47 > 1:02:50- Is it our fault?- No.

1:02:50 > 1:02:54No, it's not your fault. Come on.

1:02:55 > 1:02:58Although, you could have sung a bit better.

1:03:03 > 1:03:08They're expecting Hollywood to come and see their show.

1:03:08 > 1:03:14- Mr Parker, we can make that happen. - I've got 50 states.

1:03:14 > 1:03:18I've got hundreds of towns in each one of those states

1:03:18 > 1:03:21that are putting on a Nativity play I can go see.

1:03:21 > 1:03:24I don't need to travel 6,000 miles.

1:03:24 > 1:03:28Mr Parker, I need you to do this for me.

1:03:28 > 1:03:31I have worked here for three years, and...

1:03:31 > 1:03:37every morning, at ten to eight, I take your coat, I hang it up.

1:03:37 > 1:03:42At nine o'clock, I get you your coffee, I put it on your table.

1:03:42 > 1:03:44I take away the letters. I put them into the outbox.

1:03:44 > 1:03:49I take the other letters, put them in the inbox. I file, fax, smile.

1:03:49 > 1:03:50Jennifer...

1:03:52 > 1:03:54..that's what you're paid to do.

1:03:55 > 1:03:56I know.

1:03:58 > 1:04:00- Yeah.- Yes.

1:04:05 > 1:04:07Hello.

1:04:07 > 1:04:08Well?

1:04:10 > 1:04:11No joy.

1:04:15 > 1:04:18To take two children out of here without my permission,

1:04:18 > 1:04:19I can't believe you did it.

1:04:19 > 1:04:21Mrs Bevan, I have consent.

1:04:21 > 1:04:24- Thank goodness.- Well... - Thank goodness for that.

1:04:24 > 1:04:26It's the first thing Mr Poppy gave me.

1:04:26 > 1:04:29Otherwise, it's abduction and the school would close. You realise?

1:04:29 > 1:04:32Of course. I wouldn't have got on the plane without these.

1:04:32 > 1:04:35You realise the school can get in severe trouble over this?

1:04:39 > 1:04:41What is this?

1:04:42 > 1:04:44I don't know what that is.

1:04:44 > 1:04:46What is that? Did you do that?

1:04:49 > 1:04:50Desmond, I trusted you.

1:04:50 > 1:04:54I trusted you with children. Small lives.

1:04:54 > 1:04:55I thought it was something you could rise to,

1:04:55 > 1:04:57but you have been a disaster.

1:04:57 > 1:04:58I'm sorry, Auntie Pat.

1:04:58 > 1:05:01- Did you know about this?! - I didn't know about that.

1:05:01 > 1:05:03But I did know about...

1:05:03 > 1:05:04- No.- What did you kn...?

1:05:04 > 1:05:08- What did you know? Shush!- We've got to tell her.- Speak to me, Miss Rye.

1:05:08 > 1:05:09- What did you know?- Um...

1:05:09 > 1:05:12Actually, Hollywood, they're not coming.

1:05:12 > 1:05:18Um, Paul, Mr Maddens, panicked, I think, and...

1:05:18 > 1:05:19lied.

1:05:19 > 1:05:22Why did I ever, ever think this school

1:05:22 > 1:05:27would ever have anything good happen to it and out of the ordinary

1:05:27 > 1:05:32and successful and-and helpful to me and the children?

1:05:32 > 1:05:35Why did I ever think that would happen?

1:05:35 > 1:05:37- Mrs Bevan...- You'd better start looking for another job.

1:05:37 > 1:05:40- Sorry?- And you. You're out.

1:05:44 > 1:05:46You're irresponsible. You're not focused.

1:05:46 > 1:05:49You are, I think, possibly educationally subnormal.

1:05:49 > 1:05:53You have an attitude of wanting to be a friend to the children,

1:05:53 > 1:05:55rather than a professional adult,

1:05:55 > 1:05:58which, by the way, any fool can do that.

1:05:58 > 1:06:00Any fool can say, "Hands up, who wants to meet a pig?

1:06:00 > 1:06:02"Hands up, who wants to go to a hospital?"

1:06:02 > 1:06:06Any fool can do that and it transpires you are that any fool.

1:06:06 > 1:06:08I really had high hopes for you.

1:06:08 > 1:06:11For five minutes, I thought you were something else. No.

1:06:11 > 1:06:14It transpires you are actually just an idiot.

1:06:14 > 1:06:17SHE SOBS

1:06:19 > 1:06:23As you know, I've been away for a couple of days.

1:06:23 > 1:06:28And in that time, something has changed regarding our Nativity.

1:06:28 > 1:06:31I'm afraid I let you believe that Hollywood were coming

1:06:31 > 1:06:34and they're not coming.

1:06:34 > 1:06:35But worse than that,

1:06:35 > 1:06:38we are not being allowed to do the show in the first place.

1:06:38 > 1:06:40There will be no Nativity.

1:06:40 > 1:06:44Can't we do the show, anyway? We don't care about Hollywood.

1:06:44 > 1:06:47Unfortunately not. Mrs Bevan is not going to let us to the show.

1:06:47 > 1:06:49- Er... - Please, please, please, Mr Maddens.

1:06:49 > 1:06:53Can we still do the Nativity? Please!

1:06:53 > 1:06:55I told a lie.

1:06:55 > 1:06:58And I let that lie grow and multiply

1:06:58 > 1:07:01and turn into lots of other little lies.

1:07:01 > 1:07:05And, as I've told you all, probably, on may occasions,

1:07:05 > 1:07:10a lie always, always causes more problems than it solves,

1:07:10 > 1:07:13which is why I shan't be here next term.

1:07:14 > 1:07:17This will be my last term here. I won't be coming back.

1:07:17 > 1:07:19And worse than losing my job,

1:07:19 > 1:07:22my position, my security, much worse than that,

1:07:22 > 1:07:25is that I'm not going to see any of you again.

1:07:25 > 1:07:26And...

1:07:30 > 1:07:32..that's a very hurtful thing for me.

1:07:32 > 1:07:35Come on. Back to your class, please.

1:07:35 > 1:07:43# Have yourself a merry little Christmas

1:07:45 > 1:07:50# Let your heart be light

1:07:53 > 1:07:57# Next year, all our troubles

1:07:57 > 1:08:01# Will be out of sight... #

1:08:03 > 1:08:05- There's a wee joke in it, no? - Is there?- Yeah.

1:08:05 > 1:08:07Yeah! Ah!

1:08:10 > 1:08:12Just that little bit.

1:08:12 > 1:08:15- It's good.- It's great, isn't it?

1:08:15 > 1:08:18- Jennifer, how are you? - I'm all right.

1:08:18 > 1:08:21INDISTINCT SPEECH

1:08:26 > 1:08:32# Until then we'll have to muddle through

1:08:32 > 1:08:37# Somehow

1:08:40 > 1:08:48# So have yourself a merry little Christmas... #

1:08:48 > 1:08:52Who are you and where do you come from?

1:08:52 > 1:08:58ALL: We are the three kings and we've come to find the baby Jesus.

1:08:58 > 1:09:01He is the new King of the Jews.

1:09:01 > 1:09:03Kill every boy child in this land.

1:09:03 > 1:09:07- Where's my baby, where's my baby? - Where's my baby, where's my baby?

1:09:07 > 1:09:09Where's my baby? Where's my baby?

1:09:09 > 1:09:13- Where's my baby, where's my baby? - Where's my baby, where's my baby?

1:09:13 > 1:09:15ALL SHOUT

1:09:17 > 1:09:21SCREAMING THROUGHOUT

1:09:32 > 1:09:34I am the king!

1:09:34 > 1:09:35APPLAUSE

1:09:38 > 1:09:41# So have yourself

1:09:41 > 1:09:46# A merry little

1:09:46 > 1:09:51# Christmas now. #

1:09:51 > 1:09:57Nouns are used to name a person, animal, place, thing or idea.

1:09:57 > 1:10:01We've got a football, pineapple, iguana, a guitar.

1:10:01 > 1:10:04Nouns can be replaced by these - pronouns.

1:10:04 > 1:10:07They can replace nouns or other pronouns.

1:10:07 > 1:10:11So, "ours", "she", "one", "he", "it", "this", "you", "none".

1:10:13 > 1:10:15- Are you all right, Cleo? - No, not very.

1:10:15 > 1:10:17What's the problem?

1:10:17 > 1:10:18Nothing.

1:10:18 > 1:10:20TJ?

1:10:20 > 1:10:24- I miss Mr Poppy. - Everyone misses Mr Poppy.

1:10:24 > 1:10:28We'd be doing the play if Mr Poppy was still here.

1:10:47 > 1:10:50ALL CHANT: Poppy! Poppy! Poppy!

1:10:52 > 1:10:54What am I doing?

1:10:54 > 1:10:57Meet me in the hall in ten minutes. We're doing the play.

1:10:57 > 1:11:01- ALL:- Yes! - ALL CHEER

1:11:10 > 1:11:11All right?

1:11:11 > 1:11:12BLEATING

1:11:14 > 1:11:17Desmond...I've come to apologise.

1:11:17 > 1:11:21I said some things to you that were unforgivable

1:11:21 > 1:11:23and that weren't true and that were mean.

1:11:23 > 1:11:25I want you to do the play with me,

1:11:25 > 1:11:27because I told the children we're going to do it

1:11:27 > 1:11:28and I can't do it without you.

1:11:30 > 1:11:33I messed everything up.

1:11:33 > 1:11:36I know I put it on you. I know I did.

1:11:36 > 1:11:38You were right all along.

1:11:38 > 1:11:42And for ad undas, you've been right on the money.

1:11:42 > 1:11:44You said I was scared, I denied it. You were absolutely right.

1:11:44 > 1:11:47You said I was still in love with Jennifer.

1:11:47 > 1:11:50I denied it and you were absolutely right.

1:11:57 > 1:12:00Well, let's do it. What are you waiting for? We'd better get going.

1:12:00 > 1:12:03- Come on.- You're going to do it? - Yeah, let's do it.

1:12:03 > 1:12:06- Let's do it.- Right, thank you. You're not going to regret it.

1:12:14 > 1:12:16Oh, my gosh!

1:12:16 > 1:12:17It looks amazing!

1:12:17 > 1:12:20You'll remember where to press the button. Nazareth...

1:12:20 > 1:12:22- I'm nervous.- Don't be nervous.

1:12:22 > 1:12:24- You're a Nazarene.- Mr Maddens?

1:12:24 > 1:12:28- Yes?- I don't want to be a building. I want to get a proper part.

1:12:28 > 1:12:31You're playing part of Nazareth in a song called Nazareth.

1:12:31 > 1:12:34- Please, everyone, just calm down! - Fingers crossed.

1:12:34 > 1:12:37I've forgotten it. I don't want to do it.

1:12:37 > 1:12:38I'm nervous and I don't want to do it.

1:12:38 > 1:12:41It's you and me. We'll beat them all.

1:12:44 > 1:12:47- Come on, Mr Maddens.- Hey... - We've got to get going.

1:12:47 > 1:12:49We haven't got much time. This is fine.

1:12:49 > 1:12:52It's what everyone in Nazareth wore, even the women.

1:12:52 > 1:12:53Not on the women. No.

1:12:57 > 1:13:02Buddy, it's exciting. Look. The audience are filling up.

1:13:02 > 1:13:05OK. Everybody listen up, all right?

1:13:05 > 1:13:08Big bit of advice, and I had to learn this the hard way.

1:13:08 > 1:13:11Can everybody make sure you've done a poo and a wee

1:13:11 > 1:13:14because there won't be a chance when we get the show going.

1:13:14 > 1:13:16You can use my caravan. Just get in there, do a poo and a wee.

1:13:16 > 1:13:19Come back. There's no show. There will be no show.

1:13:19 > 1:13:21I've just had a call telling me this was happening.

1:13:21 > 1:13:25- I cannot believe... What is all this?- Mrs Bevan.

1:13:25 > 1:13:29I cancelled this performance. I cancelled the show. You are sacked.

1:13:29 > 1:13:31- You know you are sacked. - I'm already sacked.

1:13:31 > 1:13:33- What else can you do?- Desmond!

1:13:33 > 1:13:36Thank you. Thank you. This is absolutely marvellous.

1:13:36 > 1:13:38- Well done, young man.- Thank you.

1:13:38 > 1:13:40Break a leg, kids.

1:13:40 > 1:13:45- Break a leg.- I need to have the microphone.- I'm going to do it.

1:13:45 > 1:13:47Can you watch on that wing. APPLAUSE

1:13:47 > 1:13:50Come on, this'll be sensational. The town will be so proud of you.

1:13:56 > 1:13:58Ladies and gentlemen, mums and dads.

1:13:58 > 1:14:01I just want to thank you for the effort

1:14:01 > 1:14:03and the time you've put into the show.

1:14:03 > 1:14:07Ladies and gentlemen, if I had to single any one person out

1:14:07 > 1:14:11for their effort, time, their diligence and their enthusiasm,

1:14:11 > 1:14:16it would have to be Mrs B, better known to you as Mrs Bevan.

1:14:16 > 1:14:20Come and take a bow. Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs Bevan.

1:14:20 > 1:14:22- Come on. - CHEERING

1:14:26 > 1:14:29Erm, hello. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

1:14:29 > 1:14:31It's very kind of you.

1:14:31 > 1:14:37This will be my last Nativity play, so it's a bit special. Really.

1:14:37 > 1:14:40We're used to the school hall. We don't have all this beauty around,

1:14:40 > 1:14:42normally, for the play.

1:14:42 > 1:14:45And the mums and dads who've been before to see our Nativity play

1:14:45 > 1:14:48know that things can go a little bit wrong with the little ones.

1:14:48 > 1:14:50LAUGHTER

1:14:50 > 1:14:53Don't ex... I was going to say don't expect too much.

1:14:53 > 1:14:58But, er, I shouldn't have said that. Smack.

1:14:58 > 1:15:02Nobody ever expects enough of the children at St Bernadette's.

1:15:02 > 1:15:06Everyone expects them to go down the drain.

1:15:06 > 1:15:08And I'm going to change that.

1:15:10 > 1:15:12That's what I said 17 years ago,

1:15:12 > 1:15:15and tonight, it stands a chance of coming true.

1:15:15 > 1:15:20I've not seen it. I don't know what's going to happen.

1:15:20 > 1:15:24All I know is that each and every one of these children is amazing

1:15:24 > 1:15:30- and wonderful and a little pocket of stardust.- Hear, hear.

1:15:32 > 1:15:34- I hope you enjoy it. - APPLAUSE

1:15:43 > 1:15:49# Things are really cool in Nazareth

1:15:49 > 1:15:54# Our city is full of joy

1:15:54 > 1:15:57# Cos this is where girl meets boy

1:15:58 > 1:16:04# Everything is cool in Nazareth

1:16:04 > 1:16:08# They're going hand in hand

1:16:08 > 1:16:11# This is no one-night stand

1:16:11 > 1:16:17# A wedding is being planned here in Nazareth... #

1:16:20 > 1:16:22THEY MOUTH

1:16:23 > 1:16:28# Nazareth, a place to live

1:16:28 > 1:16:30# Always willing to forgive

1:16:30 > 1:16:35# Nazareth, our big heart swells

1:16:35 > 1:16:39# We can hear those wedding bells

1:16:39 > 1:16:42# Wedding bells

1:16:42 > 1:16:48# Feeling in a fix in Nazareth

1:16:48 > 1:16:52# Rules are to be obeyed

1:16:52 > 1:16:55# Arrangements are being made

1:16:57 > 1:17:02# Got to get your kicks in Nazareth

1:17:04 > 1:17:06# Here we go, on our way

1:17:06 > 1:17:10# Start of a brand-new day

1:17:10 > 1:17:14# Still you cannot be swayed

1:17:14 > 1:17:16# Good old Nazareth. #

1:17:16 > 1:17:19CHEERING AND WHISTLING

1:17:28 > 1:17:31# He's not my type

1:17:31 > 1:17:34# She's not too bad

1:17:34 > 1:17:41# Not the most gorgeous I've ever had

1:17:41 > 1:17:45# I'll grow to love her

1:17:45 > 1:17:48# It might work out

1:17:48 > 1:17:56# Too young to know what it's all about

1:17:56 > 1:18:02# And yet there's something behind those eyes

1:18:02 > 1:18:09# A fire that flickers but never lies

1:18:09 > 1:18:12# Could I love him?

1:18:12 > 1:18:16# Could she love me?

1:18:16 > 1:18:24# You can't rush into what it's meant to be

1:18:27 > 1:18:30ALL: # One look

1:18:30 > 1:18:33# And we're for ever

1:18:33 > 1:18:40# One look and it's like we've always known

1:18:40 > 1:18:43# One look

1:18:43 > 1:18:48# We're boxing clever

1:18:48 > 1:18:51# Together for ever

1:18:51 > 1:18:54# And always hope

1:18:54 > 1:18:59# Together for ever

1:18:59 > 1:19:05# And always, always hope. #

1:19:07 > 1:19:08APPLAUSE

1:19:17 > 1:19:21OK, mate. It's your big moment.

1:19:23 > 1:19:26Don't look down.

1:19:26 > 1:19:27THUNDERCLAP

1:19:29 > 1:19:32SHE SCREAMS

1:19:50 > 1:19:55# OK, people, hear the news I've got something to yell about

1:19:55 > 1:19:57# OK, people, forget the blues

1:19:57 > 1:19:59# Here's something to feel swell about

1:19:59 > 1:20:01- # Good news - Click your fingers

1:20:01 > 1:20:03- # Good news - Stamp your feet

1:20:03 > 1:20:05- # Good news - Always lingers

1:20:05 > 1:20:08- # Good news - Feel the beat

1:20:08 > 1:20:10- # Good news - Wakey, wakey

1:20:10 > 1:20:12- # Good news - Shake your ass

1:20:12 > 1:20:14- # Good news - Shaky, shaky

1:20:14 > 1:20:16- # Good news - Listen, mass

1:20:16 > 1:20:18# Good news

1:20:25 > 1:20:28# Hey, little sister Hear the word

1:20:29 > 1:20:31# There ain't no need for a big stuffed bird

1:20:34 > 1:20:36# Time to holler, time to dance

1:20:36 > 1:20:38# Whoo!

1:20:38 > 1:20:41# Y'all gonna need some bigger pants

1:20:41 > 1:20:44# Good news, good news

1:20:44 > 1:20:49- # Yeah! - Good news

1:20:49 > 1:20:50# Good news

1:20:54 > 1:20:57# You'd better go when you get the idea... #

1:21:00 > 1:21:03- Mr Maddens?- Yes, darling? - I have a tummy ache.

1:21:03 > 1:21:06Oh, Sam, I need you to go on. Have you tried taking deep breaths?

1:21:06 > 1:21:09- Yeah.- Tried taking your hat off for once?- Mm-hm.

1:21:09 > 1:21:12- OK. Alfie, you're going to have to do it.- What?

1:21:12 > 1:21:14- Can you go on in Sam's place, please? - No way.

1:21:14 > 1:21:17- Why?- Because that's a girl's costume.

1:21:17 > 1:21:19You already look like Barbarella. What's the difference?

1:21:19 > 1:21:21Go in there, get dressed. Thank you.

1:21:28 > 1:21:31SONG FINALE

1:21:31 > 1:21:33APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING

1:21:41 > 1:21:45Mary and Joseph were told they had to travel to Bethlehem

1:21:45 > 1:21:47to be counted,

1:21:47 > 1:21:51- because of the nasty, mean King Herod.- Stop!

1:21:51 > 1:21:55- Mary had to...- You, shut up. Stop! Stop, everyone.

1:21:55 > 1:21:58That'll do. OK, that's the end. Stop.

1:21:58 > 1:22:00- I'll have that, please. Give me that.- Hey!

1:22:00 > 1:22:03My name's Gordon Shakespeare. Just telling you now.

1:22:03 > 1:22:07You thought you were here to see Hollywood. It's why you're here.

1:22:07 > 1:22:10Not to see this sub-standard chav-fest.

1:22:10 > 1:22:14It falls upon me to tell you that no-one was coming from Hollywood.

1:22:14 > 1:22:16Nobody's coming and nobody will.

1:22:16 > 1:22:19That man is a sham.

1:22:19 > 1:22:22- (What?)- As if Hollywood would come to Coventry.

1:22:22 > 1:22:23No. Look at him.

1:22:25 > 1:22:29He's a dishonest person.

1:22:29 > 1:22:31He lied.

1:22:36 > 1:22:37(What is it?)

1:22:41 > 1:22:42It's a star.

1:22:44 > 1:22:46HELICOPTER ROTOR BLADES WHIRR

1:22:50 > 1:22:54- MR POPPY:- It's Hollywood!

1:22:54 > 1:22:56CHEERING

1:22:57 > 1:23:01Ladies and gentlemen!

1:23:01 > 1:23:04May I please introduce to you

1:23:04 > 1:23:11the Star of Bethlehem and her sparkly, sparkly!

1:23:13 > 1:23:16# Ooh, ooh

1:23:16 > 1:23:19# Ooh, ooh ooh-ooh

1:23:19 > 1:23:22# Aah!

1:23:22 > 1:23:26# Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... #

1:23:26 > 1:23:28OK, everybody. Clap your hands.

1:23:28 > 1:23:30I'm a superstar and I'm coming out tonight.

1:23:30 > 1:23:35# I've had a little make-over and I'm all dressed up tonight

1:23:35 > 1:23:39# A cheeky drink A naughty wink

1:23:39 > 1:23:42# We'll loosen up, all right

1:23:42 > 1:23:45# Stand back and put your shades on

1:23:45 > 1:23:48# Cos I'm about to shine

1:23:48 > 1:23:50# My blinding light will throw you

1:23:50 > 1:23:54# Cos there's no starlight like mine

1:23:54 > 1:23:56# Ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh ooh

1:23:56 > 1:23:59# Sparkle and shine

1:23:59 > 1:24:02# Planets gather round

1:24:02 > 1:24:05# Sparkle and shine

1:24:05 > 1:24:08# Let's all make a dazzling sound

1:24:08 > 1:24:11# Here's something you won't believe

1:24:11 > 1:24:16# It's the first time ever Christmas Eve

1:24:20 > 1:24:25# I've got my light within me and it's coming out for you

1:24:25 > 1:24:31# I'm dizzy with self-confidence Hope you can feel it too

1:24:31 > 1:24:37- # I'm lighting up the skies tonight - So come on, join the party

1:24:37 > 1:24:40- SINGS GRUDGINGLY: - # Make the moment last all night

1:24:40 > 1:24:43# And keep the skies all starry... #

1:24:43 > 1:24:47Olly! Your mum's here. I just saw her. She's right at the back.

1:24:47 > 1:24:51When you do your rap, look for her and give it your everything.

1:24:51 > 1:24:53- Mr Maddens, the donkey's freaking out.- Sorry?

1:24:53 > 1:24:56- I gave it chocolate and it's feeling icky.- Chocolate?

1:24:56 > 1:24:59Can you check on it. I'm doing the narration.

1:24:59 > 1:25:00# ..Dazzling sound

1:25:00 > 1:25:03# Here's something you won't believe

1:25:03 > 1:25:07# It's the first time ever Christmas Eve. #

1:25:07 > 1:25:10APPLAUSE

1:25:29 > 1:25:33The four kings saw the beautiful shining star

1:25:33 > 1:25:37rising from the East Side.

1:25:37 > 1:25:40- They thought she looked... - HE ROLLS "R"

1:25:40 > 1:25:43So they decided to follow her.

1:25:43 > 1:25:45SLOW R&B TUNE PLAYS

1:25:56 > 1:25:58- One time. - ECHOES

1:25:58 > 1:26:01Come on, come on, come on.

1:26:01 > 1:26:06- Two times.- # Shining down the light - Come on, come on

1:26:06 > 1:26:09# Peace to the star

1:26:09 > 1:26:11# Shining down the light

1:26:13 > 1:26:16# What a moment when I saw her first

1:26:16 > 1:26:21# She stole my heart So it's about to burst

1:26:21 > 1:26:24# I'm the guy she twinkles for

1:26:24 > 1:26:29# Je t'adore Cos she's blinding me with love

1:26:29 > 1:26:31# She's my saviour from above

1:26:31 > 1:26:34# She's the brightest star I've ever seen

1:26:34 > 1:26:36# Brightest star

1:26:36 > 1:26:38# It's like we're living in some kind of dream

1:26:38 > 1:26:41# It's like some kind of dream

1:26:41 > 1:26:45# Why do I feel overcome with hope and joy?

1:26:45 > 1:26:47# Cos she's shining down her light

1:26:47 > 1:26:51# And she's gonna be my girl and me her boy

1:26:51 > 1:26:56# I'm feeling like I've got to follow her

1:26:56 > 1:26:58# With frankincense and lots of gold and myrrh... #

1:26:58 > 1:27:00Excuse me.

1:27:00 > 1:27:06# She is gonna lead the way to Christmas Day

1:27:06 > 1:27:10# Hallelujah, feeling good Time to leave this neighbourhood... #

1:27:20 > 1:27:23- Hello, Mr Maddens. - SHE LAUGHS

1:27:23 > 1:27:24You weren't coming.

1:27:26 > 1:27:28I know.

1:27:53 > 1:27:55(RAPS) She's the shining star from above

1:27:55 > 1:27:58She sprinkles and she twinkles and I wanna be her love

1:27:58 > 1:28:01I wanna squeeze her, please her Share my pizza

1:28:01 > 1:28:02(DEEP VOICE) Extra spicy

1:28:02 > 1:28:05She makes me hotter than the colour Fizzy deep inside

1:28:05 > 1:28:08I wish I was a sleigh I'd take her for a ride

1:28:08 > 1:28:09She's tiny, she's shiny She sparkles in the night

1:28:09 > 1:28:12I love her and I need her to guide me through the night...word!

1:28:12 > 1:28:14ECHOES

1:28:14 > 1:28:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:28:20 > 1:28:23Eventually, Mary and Jo-Jo

1:28:23 > 1:28:26found an innkeeper what was nicerer. He said...

1:28:26 > 1:28:28You can use my stable. At least it's dry.

1:28:28 > 1:28:31- Yeah, man. Huh! - LAUGHTER

1:28:31 > 1:28:36They asked the animals if they could nestle down to pop out Baby Jesus.

1:28:36 > 1:28:39BRAYING

1:28:39 > 1:28:40The donkey said, "Neigh."

1:28:40 > 1:28:43But the other animals said it was all right.

1:28:43 > 1:28:47And everyone what was anyone gathered around to witness...

1:28:47 > 1:28:51SCREAMING

1:28:54 > 1:28:55Buddy, what happened?

1:28:55 > 1:29:00Well, I put that plug in and it all exploded.

1:29:00 > 1:29:04Don't worry, I'll take care of it. You've got to get on stage.

1:29:04 > 1:29:07I'm going to give you all a candle. We've got these candles.

1:29:07 > 1:29:11As soon as you've got one, make your way out onto the stage.

1:29:11 > 1:29:15Everyone, this is Jennifer, who've you've heard about from Hollywood.

1:29:15 > 1:29:17- ALL: Hello. - Hi.- Get a candle. Right?

1:29:51 > 1:29:56# Sometimes life is not all it can be

1:29:56 > 1:29:59# And here we are

1:30:02 > 1:30:07# Wondering just how far this road can lead

1:30:07 > 1:30:10# And here we are

1:30:13 > 1:30:20# And from the darkness shines a bright burning star

1:30:20 > 1:30:25# And who we are is changing within our hearts

1:30:26 > 1:30:29- # One night - One night

1:30:29 > 1:30:36# One moment And everything's changed

1:30:36 > 1:30:38# One night, one moment

1:30:38 > 1:30:40# One night, one moment

1:30:40 > 1:30:42# One night, one moment

1:30:42 > 1:30:45# And everything is changed

1:30:45 > 1:30:48# One night, one moment

1:30:50 > 1:30:54# Tonight is so pure and so special

1:30:54 > 1:31:00# We'll never feel lonely again

1:31:00 > 1:31:06# Cos we are all standing together

1:31:06 > 1:31:10# As friends

1:31:10 > 1:31:13# Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ooh

1:31:13 > 1:31:18# And everything's changing for ever

1:31:18 > 1:31:20# One night, one moment... #

1:31:20 > 1:31:22HE HOLDS NOTE

1:31:30 > 1:31:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

1:31:35 > 1:31:38- UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS - Yes!

1:31:39 > 1:31:42Come on, everybody, clap your hands.

1:31:45 > 1:31:48We're going to tear the roof off this place. Let's rock'n'roll!

1:31:48 > 1:31:52Rock, rock. Wig out!

1:31:52 > 1:31:54Yes!

1:31:56 > 1:31:59OK, best back-flips ever!

1:31:59 > 1:32:00SQUEALING

1:32:02 > 1:32:03Olly.

1:32:08 > 1:32:09GASPING

1:32:09 > 1:32:11Yeah!

1:32:11 > 1:32:13Edward.

1:32:13 > 1:32:15TRUMP NOISES

1:32:15 > 1:32:18TJ, throw some shapes.

1:32:23 > 1:32:25CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH

1:32:25 > 1:32:27- SHE BELCHES - Yeah!

1:32:27 > 1:32:34OK, we've got special guests from Oakmoor. Thomas, joined by Frankie.

1:32:41 > 1:32:43Yeah!

1:32:43 > 1:32:45Mr Maddens,

1:32:45 > 1:32:47come up, come up.

1:32:49 > 1:32:52Bring Jennifer with you. Come on.

1:33:07 > 1:33:09Miss Rye!

1:33:09 > 1:33:11I love you.

1:33:13 > 1:33:15Critic man, come up and boogie!

1:33:15 > 1:33:19It doesn't matter how many stars you give it.

1:33:29 > 1:33:32Gordon. Come up.

1:33:32 > 1:33:36- No, Gordon.- Come on. - Gordon. Gordon. Come here.

1:33:49 > 1:33:53# Sparkle and shine Planets gather round

1:33:53 > 1:33:58# Sparkle and shine Let's all make a dazzling sound

1:33:58 > 1:34:01# Here's something you won't believe

1:34:01 > 1:34:03# It's the first time ever Christmas

1:34:03 > 1:34:09# Sparkle and shine Planets gather round

1:34:09 > 1:34:11# Sparkle and shine

1:34:11 > 1:34:14# Let's all make a dazzling sound

1:34:14 > 1:34:17# Here's something you won't believe

1:34:17 > 1:34:22# It's the first time ever Christmas Eve. #

1:34:22 > 1:34:24'And, from that night, me and Jennifer

1:34:24 > 1:34:29'fell in love with each other, and Christmas, all over again.

1:34:29 > 1:34:33'And as for our Nativities, they just kept getting better.'

1:34:35 > 1:34:39Don't mind being a shepherd or a stage manager.

1:34:43 > 1:34:48I always wanted to be Mary in the whole of my life.

1:34:48 > 1:34:50I would like to be Angel Gabriel.

1:34:50 > 1:34:52HE GURGLES

1:34:55 > 1:34:57I wouldn't mind being a donkey.

1:34:57 > 1:34:58TRUMPING NOISES

1:34:58 > 1:35:00Actually, I'd quite like to be the star.

1:35:00 > 1:35:02- SHE BURPS - Bah humbug!

1:35:11 > 1:35:14You might not like this, but you might do.

1:35:14 > 1:35:16It's dancing.

1:35:16 > 1:35:18# One night

1:35:18 > 1:35:22# One moment and everything's changed

1:35:22 > 1:35:25# One night, one moment

1:35:25 > 1:35:29# One night, one moment

1:35:29 > 1:35:31# One night, one moment

1:35:31 > 1:35:34# And everything's changed

1:35:34 > 1:35:36# One night, one moment

1:35:38 > 1:35:43# Tonight is so pure and so special

1:35:43 > 1:35:49# We'll never feel lonely again

1:35:49 > 1:35:55# Cos we are standing together

1:35:55 > 1:35:58# As friends

1:35:58 > 1:36:01# Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ooh

1:36:01 > 1:36:06# And everything's changing for ever

1:36:07 > 1:36:10# One night

1:36:11 > 1:36:20# One moment... #

1:36:20 > 1:36:22Why do you want to play an innkeeper?

1:36:22 > 1:36:25Because I'd love to, because he swears all day.

1:36:35 > 1:36:38# Silent night

1:36:39 > 1:36:42# Holy night

1:36:43 > 1:36:46# All is calm

1:36:46 > 1:36:50# All is bright

1:36:50 > 1:36:57# Round yon Virgin Mother and Child

1:36:57 > 1:37:04# Holy Infant so tender and mild

1:37:05 > 1:37:13# Sleep in heavenly peace

1:37:13 > 1:37:18# Sleep in heavenly peace

1:37:24 > 1:37:28# Silent night

1:37:28 > 1:37:32# Holy night

1:37:32 > 1:37:39# Shepherds quake at the sight

1:37:39 > 1:37:47# Glories stream from heaven afar

1:37:47 > 1:37:55# Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia

1:37:55 > 1:38:02# Christ the Saviour is born

1:38:02 > 1:38:08# Christ the Saviour is born

1:38:13 > 1:38:18# Jesus, Lord, at thy birth

1:38:21 > 1:38:25# Jesus, Lord

1:38:25 > 1:38:29# At thy...

1:38:29 > 1:38:37# Birth. #