0:00:02 > 0:00:10This film contains some strong language
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Please don't execute me.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39It is such a waste of my lovely woman's body.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42I've got years of shagging in me.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Why chop off my head when thou could...
0:01:45 > 0:01:49lift up my dress and look at my front bottom?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Phwoar! I'm not gonna kill you!
0:01:54 > 0:01:56CHEERING
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Sir...
0:01:58 > 0:02:00I owe thou a shag.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Oh...
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- ALL:- Large!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11HE GULPS
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Kevin? >
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Kevin! - Wuuurrrgh!
0:02:19 > 0:02:24- How's your homework going? - Fine, until you came in. Oh!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Bring this mess down when you come.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30I'm not your slave!
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Don't talk to your mother like that.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37MIMICS: Don't talk to your mother like that!
0:02:38 > 0:02:39HE SNORTS
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Oh...
0:02:45 > 0:02:47So unfair...
0:02:56 > 0:03:00"Dear diary. Sorry I've never written in you.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03"I have higher things on my mind."
0:03:07 > 0:03:11"If I did write down my thoughts, you would be a bestseller.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15"I am a teenage genius, unrecognised by the world.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20"The only person who understands me is my best mate Perry."
0:03:20 > 0:03:22All right, Kev.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26"He is joyful in his understanding of my wisdom."
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Your jacket's inside out.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32I do know. I don't conform to conventional dress patterns.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36"Until Perry met me, he was but a humble peasant,
0:03:36 > 0:03:39"but now he is top."
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Respect.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50"We are only free to express our philosophy through our mixes."
0:03:50 > 0:03:53# All I wanna do is do it
0:03:51 > 0:03:53# Big girl, big girl
0:03:53 > 0:03:56# All I wanna do is do it
0:03:54 > 0:03:56# Big girl, big girl
0:03:56 > 0:03:59# All I wanna do is do it
0:03:58 > 0:03:59# Big girl, big girl
0:03:59 > 0:04:01# Big girl, big girl, big girl... #
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Kevin! Turn it down!
0:04:10 > 0:04:13MUSIC GETS LOUDER
0:04:18 > 0:04:23"When we are top DJs, my senile parents will surely eat their pants."
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- You're a genius, darling! - You certainly proved us wrong.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30I sure did. Huh!
0:04:32 > 0:04:37Thanks. Will you shag me?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37OK.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- GIRLS:- Shag me!
0:04:42 > 0:04:47"For, dear diary, there is pain behind my genius.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50"My teenage heart is broken.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54"I've been up for it for three bloody years,
0:04:54 > 0:04:58"but no girl has yet let me go the whole way."
0:04:58 > 0:05:00HE HOWLS
0:05:10 > 0:05:13HOWLING
0:05:22 > 0:05:25HOWLING
0:05:32 > 0:05:34HOWLING CONTINUES
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- You got it? - Yeah.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45- I get the goods, you give him that. - Go, go, go.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51Go, go, go.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00This, please.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Wurrrgh!
0:06:14 > 0:06:16£3.99, please.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Thank you!
0:06:22 > 0:06:24KEVIN GASPS
0:06:31 > 0:06:34You were scared of the pigs.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- I ain't. - They're scared of me.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- I rule this manor. I'm hard. - There's your dad.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42KEVIN YELPS
0:06:42 > 0:06:44No!
0:06:52 > 0:06:58Are you all right, Kevin?
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Oh... Hi, Dad. Yeah, fine, thanks.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Why are you lying there?
0:06:59 > 0:07:02I'm a bit tired. I need a sleep.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06We're knackered, Mr Porno-P-Patterson.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Yawn.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18"Debbie from London loves clubbing.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23"I go to Ibiza every year for the clubs and the carefree sex.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28"It's fantastic. Everyone gets off with everyone else. It is so horny."
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- I love her, Kev.- That's it!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32What?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35We are DJs. Where do DJs go for the summer?
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Ibiza.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41And all girls who go to Ibiza shag anyone, especially DJs.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44So where are we going to go?
0:07:44 > 0:07:49Ibiza? What, you think you deserve to go to Ibiza after this?
0:07:50 > 0:07:51HE MUMBLES
0:07:51 > 0:07:56It's worse than we expected. "Kevin lacks application.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57- "Is still a virgin..." - What?
0:07:57 > 0:08:03"Is still emerging from a rebellious phase that shows no sign of ending."
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- Huh! - It's just awful, isn't it?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09What have you got to say for yourself?
0:08:09 > 0:08:13So can we go to Ibiza?
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I think I've answered that! No!
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Oh! That is so unfair!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Mum...
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- Perhaps if...- I said no!
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Ugh!
0:08:25 > 0:08:30- What your father says goes. - Ugh! Ugh! I can't take any more!
0:08:30 > 0:08:36I'm adopted! My real parents couldn't possibly treat me like this!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38I hate you!
0:08:39 > 0:08:43'Scuse me...
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I'm running away! Goodbye for ever!
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- You leave no room to compromise. - DOOR SLAMS
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- Compromise with that? - He has nothing to look forward to!
0:08:51 > 0:08:55- He deserves it. - He'll be impossible all holiday!
0:08:55 > 0:09:00'Scuse me, Mr and Mrs Patterson. Erm... Could I have a jam sandwich?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04WHIMPERING
0:09:10 > 0:09:12CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Kevin left us a note,
0:09:30 > 0:09:33to remember him by.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37It is typical of the Kevin we all knew,
0:09:37 > 0:09:40loved,
0:09:40 > 0:09:42and in many cases, shagged.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52"I'm killing myself because I'm too good for this world.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56"A prophet is never understood in his own land, innit?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01"Soft friends, don't be sad.
0:10:01 > 0:10:06"I've gone to a better place, where you never have to tidy your room,
0:10:06 > 0:10:10"a place where your parents buy you new Nike trainers every week."
0:10:13 > 0:10:17"I didn't mean to cause you any pain, Mum...
0:10:17 > 0:10:21"but you shouldn't have made me wash."
0:10:22 > 0:10:24- SOBBING:- Kevin!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Kevin!
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Yeah. I'm dead now. Yeah.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Oh, Kevin!
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Kevin, tea's ready!
0:10:39 > 0:10:40HE SIGHS
0:10:40 > 0:10:41HE FARTS
0:10:48 > 0:10:52How nice you've come back. We thought you'd gone for ever.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Eeeuurrrgghhh!
0:10:58 > 0:11:02We've decided... that you can both go to Ibiza.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07BOTH: Come on!
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Provided you get a job to pay for it.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11What are you talking about? YOU pay for my holidays.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14That's what parents are for!
0:11:14 > 0:11:19- Our lives are about more than that. - Don't be so ridiculous.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Pass the salt, please, Kevin.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24I am not your slave!
0:11:24 > 0:11:28This is what happens when you compromise!
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Do you know what the trouble with you two is? You're so alike!
0:11:32 > 0:11:35BOTH: What?! That is so unfair!
0:11:44 > 0:11:48- You want ME to give YOU a job?- Yeah. HE WHISTLES
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Please.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Do you know the store? - Yeah.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Where do you find punk?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56On my sheets.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Spunk. Pp-pp!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08MUSIC: "Ooh La La" by The Wiseguys
0:12:09 > 0:12:11# Come on!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14# Come on! Come on!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19# Say ooh la la, say zoom
0:12:19 > 0:12:20# Come on! Come on!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23# Say ooh la la, say zoom
0:12:23 > 0:12:24# Come on! Come on!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26# Say ooh la la... #
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Finished!
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Well done, boys. Here's one for you and one for you.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38- Thank you.- Thank you.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46We're not cut out for manual work.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Intellectuals aren't.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- I've got too many great thoughts... - Mopeds!
0:12:50 > 0:12:51- Cider! - Party!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- I can see her bra! - Bra? Where? Oh, yeah!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59MUSIC: "King of Snake" by Fatboy Slim Remix
0:12:59 > 0:13:01# Dogman and the king of snake
0:13:01 > 0:13:03# King of snake, king of snake
0:13:03 > 0:13:04# Dogman and the king of snake
0:13:04 > 0:13:06# King of snake
0:13:06 > 0:13:07# Dogman and the king of snake
0:13:07 > 0:13:09# King of snake, king of snake
0:13:09 > 0:13:11# 24 hours with the king of snake
0:13:11 > 0:13:12# Snake, snake, snake
0:13:12 > 0:13:14# Snake, snake, snake, snake
0:13:14 > 0:13:16# Snake, snake, snake, snake... #
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Oh, man...
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Oh... Oh, my head...
0:14:16 > 0:14:20SHE GROANS
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Oh, hi, baby.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28MUSIC: "I'm In The Mood For Love" by Jools Holland featuring Jamiroquai
0:14:33 > 0:14:36# I'm in the mood for love
0:14:36 > 0:14:40# Simply because you're near me
0:14:40 > 0:14:44# Funny but when you're near me
0:14:44 > 0:14:47# I'm in the mood for love
0:14:48 > 0:14:51# Heaven is in your eyes
0:14:51 > 0:14:54# Bright as the stars we're under
0:14:55 > 0:14:58# Oh, is it any wonder
0:14:59 > 0:15:02# I'm in the mood for love
0:15:02 > 0:15:06# Why stop to think of whether
0:15:06 > 0:15:09# This little dream might fade
0:15:10 > 0:15:13# We'll put our hearts together
0:15:13 > 0:15:17# Now we're one, I'm not afraid...
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Kev!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Good morning, Perry.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36PERRY CHUCKLES
0:15:37 > 0:15:39KEVIN CHUCKLES
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- Did you shag her?- Yeah.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49- You shagged Sharon? - Only three times. PERRY WHISTLES
0:15:49 > 0:15:50Cor.
0:15:54 > 0:15:59- So you've done it with a girl, then? - Yeah. I stuck it up her good.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06That mean you don't want to go to Ibiza?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Now you don't need to go to Ibiza for a guaranteed shag.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I'll get a shag here, probably.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18No, we can still go to Ibiza. I can always do more shagging.
0:16:18 > 0:16:23Oh. Thanks, Kev. You're a mate. But how are we going to get the money?
0:16:23 > 0:16:26It's all in the mind. We're DJs.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30We can earn our money on the street.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45# All I wanna do is do it
0:16:43 > 0:16:45# Big girl, big girl
0:16:45 > 0:16:48# All I wanna do is do it
0:16:46 > 0:16:48# Big girl, big girl
0:16:48 > 0:16:49# All I wanna do is do it
0:16:49 > 0:16:52# Big girl, big girl, big girl
0:16:52 > 0:16:54- # Big girl, big girl, big girl... - Oi!
0:16:55 > 0:17:00I want a word.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Oh... Hi, darling. How's it going?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- Did you say you shagged me? - No...
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Yeah, you bloody did. Stacey heard you.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09N-No... I didn't.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I wouldn't shag you, you sad twat.
0:17:12 > 0:17:17Say anything like that again and I'll smack ya! Virgin!
0:17:21 > 0:17:27You said you shagged her three times.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Shut up! I'm getting outta here.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30This place is full of losers.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37ALL CHANT: Virgins! Virgins!
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Girls here don't appreciate our musical genius.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- What we going to do? - I don't know.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59It's all gone Pete Tong.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Registered letter for your father.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05- Will you sign for it? - Yeah, sure.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Cheers.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Thank you.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Perry! We're saved!
0:18:23 > 0:18:27We get the money and go to Ibiza. Sorted.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30It's your dad's credit card. It's stealing.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33We'll go to prison and get buggered.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38You will. You're small.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40I'll be all right. KEVIN GASPS
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Eurggh! Virgins!
0:18:45 > 0:18:49I'm not staying here. We'll pay him back when we're top DJs.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- Are you in or out?- In.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Aaarrgh! - Shut your noise!
0:18:57 > 0:19:00You two! Move, now! Move!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Put your hands up! Keep your mouths shut!
0:19:03 > 0:19:07- You! Sit down and put your hands up. - THEY WHIMPER
0:19:07 > 0:19:10You, fill that up.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23ALARM BLARES
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Money, now. Come on!
0:19:45 > 0:19:50On behalf of the bank, thank you. Enjoy that reward money.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52BOTH: Thank you.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55If you want a job, give me a ring.
0:19:55 > 0:20:00Banking offers many exciting opportunities for virgins like you.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02BOTH: Thank you. Thank you. Eh?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05We're very proud of you.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09- It was really public spirited. - Kevin...
0:20:09 > 0:20:12and public spirited. Never thought I'd hear those words.
0:20:12 > 0:20:17Urrghhh...
0:20:14 > 0:20:17We've got a present for you.
0:20:21 > 0:20:28Thank Dad.
0:20:23 > 0:20:28What?
0:20:24 > 0:20:28He's paid for our tickets.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30What do you mean, "our tickets"?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33We're coming, too.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36BOTH GASP
0:20:37 > 0:20:42- You didn't think you could go on your own? - THEY LAUGH
0:20:42 > 0:20:45That is so unfair! Ow!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51It's so unfair...
0:20:52 > 0:20:56I'd hate to have my head chopped off.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00If it was raining, you'd get water in the hole.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Never mind, Kev.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Those bastards!
0:21:04 > 0:21:10If they're paying for the flights, we've got more dosh for top gear!
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Perry, you're right.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Let us prepare.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28# All I wanna do is do it...
0:21:39 > 0:21:40# Big girl... #
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Kev! Look! The girls of our dreams!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Boys!
0:23:17 > 0:23:20- Over here, now! - Oh!
0:23:20 > 0:23:23This is the worst holiday of my life.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Kev, look!
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Whoa. The superstar DJ Eyeball Paul.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Tits up, Big Baz. 'Aving it large.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37All right, Eyeball Paul?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41HE BURPS
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- Cool!- Brilliant!
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Be careful, you clumsy twat.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Muff, Wankette, you dirty little club babes, get in.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Kevin, Perry! Hurry up, boys!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Your mummy's calling, little boys. Hurry up.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03- She is one lippy bitch. - HE LAUGHS
0:24:04 > 0:24:10Eyeball Paul's such a nice bloke.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10He's our new best mate, isn't he?
0:24:10 > 0:24:15If we get him to hear our mixes, he might let us do a set with him.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19- And shag his birds. - All the birds we want!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22This is the best holiday of my life.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23DANCE MUSIC
0:24:38 > 0:24:42- See you on the beach. - Huh! I don't think so!
0:24:42 > 0:24:47- You've got to go to the beach. - Yeah...but not your beach.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51We are going to the beach you don't even know about,
0:24:51 > 0:24:54because you're nearly dead.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Mr Patterson, Mrs Patterson.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59How dare you speak like that!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- HORN BEEPS - Kevin!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04El beacheo!
0:25:06 > 0:25:09- Kevin, I'm talking to you! - Wanker!
0:25:27 > 0:25:30The beach!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- Banging!- Large!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32DANCE MUSIC
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Oi, Kev, look!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53It's the girls from the airport.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Zoom, zoom, zoom!
0:26:00 > 0:26:01BOTH: Ooh...
0:26:14 > 0:26:19Let's stand close to them so they get interested.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Good idea.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- Oh. I'm hooked in. - Me, too.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27We'll get in the sea to cool off.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49SQUELCHING
0:26:53 > 0:26:56SQUELCHING
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Afternoon, ladies.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06How's it hanging, ladies?
0:27:06 > 0:27:09A lovely afternoon for the beach, eh, ladies?
0:27:09 > 0:27:15Yeah, it's me. Yeah, cos we're going to El Divino tonight, yeah?
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- Would you like a drink? - Or Pasha.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22- Margarita, no salt, innit, Gemma? - It is, Candice.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Cos Ministry's at Pasha, yeah?
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Two margaritas with no salt, please.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Shaken not stirred.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Or Manumission.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38- We might go to Manumission tonight. - Or Es Paradise.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Or we might go to Es Paradise.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42- Or Privilege.- Or Privilege.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45- Or Amnesia.- Or Amnesia.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49Cos the tunes there are banging...
0:27:47 > 0:27:49PHONE RINGS
0:27:53 > 0:27:58Ladies.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58Cheers, waiter. Keep the change.
0:28:04 > 0:28:08- Very lovely ladies, aren't they? - Very lovely.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12- What's my chubby babe called? - Gemma. Mine's Candice.
0:28:12 > 0:28:17- Gemma's got a lovely personality. - Candice is so interesting.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19I think they love us, Kev.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22DANCE MUSIC
0:28:25 > 0:28:27The evening begins.
0:28:27 > 0:28:31Superstar DJs Kev P and Perr E hit the town.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Cor, yeah. Trannies! Ugh!
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Wooh! Urgh!
0:28:39 > 0:28:42- LOUD FOOTSTEPS - What the bloody hell's that?
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Germans!
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Here, Kev, look.
0:28:55 > 0:29:01Tonight Gemma is going to see what is down my trousers.
0:29:01 > 0:29:06What is down my trousers? Would you like a look?
0:29:06 > 0:29:10# What is the matter?
0:29:10 > 0:29:12# Don't tell me that it doesn't hurt...#
0:29:12 > 0:29:17- HE LAUGHS - Gemma! Lick my lurve plank. Mmm!
0:29:19 > 0:29:22Candice, suck my candy.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Oh, look - snoggers.
0:29:26 > 0:29:27Eh?
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Cor...
0:29:30 > 0:29:33Urrgh!
0:29:33 > 0:29:35SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS
0:29:43 > 0:29:45Isn't this fun?
0:29:47 > 0:29:50Now, what would you boys like?
0:29:50 > 0:29:53- I am not hungry. - Come on, Son.
0:29:53 > 0:29:57You'll need energy if you want to go bopping.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59HE GROANS
0:30:00 > 0:30:03- We'll order for everybody, shall we? - Good idea.
0:30:03 > 0:30:08Er, como el primo plato quisiera tapas. Una mezcla, por favour.
0:30:08 > 0:30:11Y despues una gran paella por todo?
0:30:11 > 0:30:16Una necesita se fuerte para hacer el amor, cara mia.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18KEVIN RETCHES
0:30:18 > 0:30:19PERRY GROANS
0:30:22 > 0:30:25The table's a bit wobbly.
0:30:26 > 0:30:30We need a wedge. Pass me that beer mat, sexy pants.
0:30:30 > 0:30:31Oh, for God's sake!
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Hasta banana, Mrs Patterson.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50- What a couple of wankers! - Yeah, we are, ain't we?
0:30:50 > 0:30:54- No, my parents! - Oh, yeah. Sorry.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57DANCE MUSIC
0:31:05 > 0:31:08- Cool!- Rinsin'!
0:31:08 > 0:31:09Large!
0:31:13 > 0:31:15BOTH: Eyeball Paul!
0:31:21 > 0:31:24Come on, Big Baz. Shift, you fat tart.
0:31:26 > 0:31:30All right, Eyeball Paul!
0:31:27 > 0:31:30It's the little wankers from the airport.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33BOTH LAUGH
0:31:35 > 0:31:39- Are you here tonight? - How's your mummy, Ginger Pubes?
0:31:39 > 0:31:42HE LAUGHS She's a bitch!
0:31:43 > 0:31:46Don't stand there. Give him a hand.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51- Thanks very much. - Ginger Pubes!
0:31:51 > 0:31:53And you, Sad Act.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07Ladies.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Ladies.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Eyeball Paul?
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- What do you want? - We done some mixes of our own.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16- What, you and Sad Act? - Yeah.
0:32:16 > 0:32:21I don't suppose we could play them for you some time? No? All right, then.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24- So you're brother DJs? - Yeah.
0:32:24 > 0:32:27What tunes you got? What beats you into?
0:32:27 > 0:32:29Well, erm...
0:32:29 > 0:32:33House or garage?
0:32:30 > 0:32:33House...
0:32:33 > 0:32:35Acid house or pumping house?
0:32:35 > 0:32:38Er... Pumping house?
0:32:40 > 0:32:45Balearic pumping or commercial pumping?
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Balearic pumping.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50- Sash or Chicane? - Sash!
0:32:50 > 0:32:52HE LAUGHS
0:32:54 > 0:32:58Boys, these blaggers are pants!
0:32:59 > 0:33:01KEVIN LAUGHS
0:33:03 > 0:33:08Yeah, I'll hear your mix. My pad tomorrow.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12- Be there.- Oooh!
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Fuck off!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17- Thanks, Eyeball Paul. - Thank you.
0:33:17 > 0:33:22- Oh, he's such a nice bloke. - Brilliant. We're gonna be DJs!
0:33:22 > 0:33:24DANCE MUSIC
0:34:21 > 0:34:23Sorry, girls.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25No monsters.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28Beautiful people can pass.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31But monsters - no.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Do you understand?
0:34:33 > 0:34:38Look. Your faces - Urrrgh! - offend my mirror.
0:34:40 > 0:34:43Go on. Go on.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52- Cos I didn't want to go, anyway. - Yeah, me, neither.
0:34:53 > 0:34:59Maybe tomorrow, I'm going to have a makeover with Boots beauty products.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59Yeah, and me.
0:34:59 > 0:35:04Them boys can get us in cos they're mates with Eyeball Paul, innit?
0:35:04 > 0:35:06Yeah. Best mates.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08DANCE MUSIC
0:36:06 > 0:36:10Oh, man, that was banging.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10Eyeball Paul plays hammering tunes.
0:36:10 > 0:36:15- What happened to our ladies? - You've got to be sorted to get in.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19- We're gonna be loved-up DJs. - We're having it large!
0:36:19 > 0:36:22- We've been up all night! - We bleached it!
0:36:22 > 0:36:26If we get the girls in, we'll be up all night shagging...
0:36:26 > 0:36:29Oh, my God! Hello, Perry.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32PERRY GIGGLES Eeeeurrrrgh!
0:36:32 > 0:36:35- Hello, darling. - Had a good night?
0:36:35 > 0:36:38You are disgusting!
0:36:39 > 0:36:42Mrs Patterson, you cheeky girl.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Phwoar!
0:36:56 > 0:37:01- Your mum and dad were doing it. - That is disgusting!
0:37:01 > 0:37:05They do not do it. They've only ever done it once.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10Sorry, darling, we'll have to do it.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12Do it? What a revolting thought.
0:37:12 > 0:37:17It's the only way if you're to have the world's greatest DJ.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20I'll turn out the light.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24- Ouch!- Sorry.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30- Thank God that's over. - Never again.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34Brrrr!
0:37:34 > 0:37:39- What's up, Kev? - I just had a revolting thought.
0:37:45 > 0:37:49We'll be doing that with Candice and Gemma.
0:37:49 > 0:37:53- Oh! Oh! > - We'll be doing what they're doing.
0:37:53 > 0:37:57Oh, Ray! >
0:37:55 > 0:37:57Won't we, Kev?
0:37:57 > 0:38:00Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh! >
0:38:00 > 0:38:04Won't we, Kev?
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Oh! Oh! >
0:38:04 > 0:38:07Won't we, Kev?
0:38:05 > 0:38:07Oh! Oh, Ray! >
0:38:08 > 0:38:11Won't we, Kev?
0:38:08 > 0:38:11Doing what?
0:38:11 > 0:38:14- Shagging, like your parents. - They are not shagging.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17LOUD BANGING AND SCREAMING
0:38:17 > 0:38:18Euurrrghhh!
0:38:18 > 0:38:21SCREAMING AND GROANING
0:38:21 > 0:38:23GROWLING
0:38:23 > 0:38:26# And maybe
0:38:26 > 0:38:30# You're gonna be the one... #
0:38:28 > 0:38:30- BOTH:- # ..That saves me...
0:38:30 > 0:38:32# And after all... #
0:38:32 > 0:38:35- BOTH:- # ..You're my wonderwall #
0:38:36 > 0:38:39Never ever sing that again!
0:38:39 > 0:38:42- We like Oasis.- You do not!
0:38:42 > 0:38:45You're all saggy! You've never heard of Oasis!
0:38:48 > 0:38:53Morning, Perry. What's up with Prince Charming?
0:38:50 > 0:38:53Mrs Patterson.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58Bucks fizz, Mrs Five Times?
0:39:02 > 0:39:05Ooh, Ray!
0:39:05 > 0:39:08- Shut up, Perry! - Sorry, Kev.
0:39:11 > 0:39:13- Cool!- Rinsin'!
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Come in.
0:39:25 > 0:39:29Look who it is. Ginger Pubes and Sad Act.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32- All right?- Eyeball Paul.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35We done a bit of a mix...
0:39:40 > 0:39:42Twat!
0:39:44 > 0:39:49Gets into your bloodstream quicker.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49- Cool!- Rinsin'.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51Come on!
0:39:51 > 0:39:55You were saying?
0:39:52 > 0:39:55Yeah, erm... We done a mix.
0:39:55 > 0:40:01First of all, lads, I thought I might give my bathroom a paint.
0:40:01 > 0:40:05Fancy giving us a hand?
0:40:02 > 0:40:05- Love to!- Sorted.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08Brushes are in the kitchen.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11- Great!- Oh, and lads...
0:40:14 > 0:40:18You'll see I've just had a banging shit in the bog.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20You might have to push it down.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25No problem. Thanks very much.
0:40:33 > 0:40:37Eyeball Paul is so nice letting us do all that work.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40Shame we didn't have a bog brush.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44It was so kind to give us these!
0:40:44 > 0:40:48Shame his tape machine was bust.
0:40:48 > 0:40:52He did say he'd listen tomorrow, when we go to wash his pants.
0:40:52 > 0:40:55He's such a rinsin' geezer.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58- Rinsin'.- Rinsin'!
0:41:00 > 0:41:02MUSIC ON PERSONAL STEREO
0:41:14 > 0:41:17I GOT AN IDEA!
0:41:17 > 0:41:22WHAT WE'LL DO IS WALK UP TO THE GIRLS AND IGNORE THEM.
0:41:22 > 0:41:25AND THEY'LL BE REALLY SAD.
0:41:25 > 0:41:29AND THEN, WE'LL TURN ROUND AND GO, "OH, HELLO, LADIES."
0:41:29 > 0:41:32AND THEY'LL BE OVERJOYED.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35I LOVE MY BLUBBERY BABY SO MUCH, KEV.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38SHE'S GOT LOVELY, BOUNCY BOOBIES. LOOK!
0:41:38 > 0:41:42BOTH GRUNT
0:41:44 > 0:41:46THEY GRUNT
0:41:46 > 0:41:51WHAT YOU STOPPED FOR?
0:41:48 > 0:41:51- I'M HAVING A PISS.- URGH!
0:41:51 > 0:41:55ALL GROAN
0:41:52 > 0:41:55YOU'VE GOTTA PISS IN THE SEA. IT'S LAW.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58GROANS FROM BEACH
0:42:06 > 0:42:09- IT'S A FLOATER! ALL:- Urrrgh!
0:42:09 > 0:42:12Wurrrrrgggh!
0:42:14 > 0:42:16# Coming to get ya, coming to get ya... #
0:42:28 > 0:42:31Do you think Gemma saw my poo?
0:42:32 > 0:42:35I wouldn't mind seeing Gemma's poo.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40Candice and Gemma do not poo.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43What, like Baby Spice?
0:42:46 > 0:42:50Now we'll have to think of something to impress them.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56THE GIRLS LAUGH
0:43:02 > 0:43:05Afternoon, ladies!
0:43:05 > 0:43:07- Ladies. - TYRES SCREECH
0:43:07 > 0:43:09CRASH!
0:43:12 > 0:43:16- Been shopping, ladies? - Lovely afternoon, ladies.
0:43:20 > 0:43:22- They was impressed. - Definitely.
0:43:22 > 0:43:26Candice almost looked at me. Gagging for it.
0:43:26 > 0:43:30Gemma was, too. Definitely, maybe, gagging for it.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33- Gagging for it. Large! - Hello!
0:43:33 > 0:43:36- Urrrgh! - Mr and Mrs Patterson.
0:43:36 > 0:43:40Let's get ready, Ginger Pubes.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40- Perry! - Eh?
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- Don't call Kevin that. - Sorry.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49- Strict. - HE GROWLS
0:43:50 > 0:43:56- They've gotta get us in tonight. - Yeah, so we've gotta be friendly.
0:43:56 > 0:44:00- If we ask in a friendly fashion. - Yeah. Nicely and politely.
0:44:02 > 0:44:04BOTH WHISTLE
0:44:07 > 0:44:10- IN A POSH ACCENT: Oh! Ladies! - Ladies.
0:44:10 > 0:44:11Ho ho ho!
0:44:11 > 0:44:18Of all the bars in all the world...
0:44:14 > 0:44:18- You going to Amnesia tonight? - You get us in, innit?
0:44:18 > 0:44:21Are you deaf or summink?
0:44:23 > 0:44:29It would be a great pleasure to escort you lady babes to Amnesia.
0:44:29 > 0:44:32We are mates with Eyeball Paul.
0:44:32 > 0:44:33- BOTH:- We know!
0:44:41 > 0:44:43Well, come on, then!
0:44:53 > 0:44:58Wait here!
0:44:55 > 0:44:58BOTH: Sorted!
0:44:58 > 0:45:00MUSIC: "The Look of Love" by Gladys Knight
0:45:08 > 0:45:11# The look
0:45:09 > 0:45:11SPLAT!
0:45:11 > 0:45:14- # Of love - SPLAT!
0:45:14 > 0:45:18# Is in your eyes
0:45:15 > 0:45:18SPLAT!
0:45:19 > 0:45:28# A look your heart can't disguise
0:45:30 > 0:45:36# The look of love
0:45:36 > 0:45:44# Is saying so much more than just words could ever say
0:45:47 > 0:45:54# And what my heart has heard, well, it takes my breath away
0:45:54 > 0:45:57SHE GASPS
0:45:57 > 0:45:59- # I can hardly wait to hold you - SHE SCREAMS
0:45:59 > 0:46:02- # Feel my arms around you - SHE SCREAMS
0:46:02 > 0:46:06# How long I have waited
0:46:06 > 0:46:08# Waited just to love you
0:46:08 > 0:46:10# Now that I have found you...
0:46:10 > 0:46:13How long have they been?
0:46:14 > 0:46:17- Only four hours. - Not too long.
0:46:18 > 0:46:23# It's on your face
0:46:24 > 0:46:31# A look that time can't erase...
0:46:33 > 0:46:35Come on, then!
0:46:35 > 0:46:40# You're mine tonight... #
0:46:43 > 0:46:46Oh, no, sorry, girls.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48No monsters.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51Look...
0:46:51 > 0:46:55Eyeball Paul! How you having it?
0:46:53 > 0:46:55Large.
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Large.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03DANCE MUSIC
0:47:21 > 0:47:24- What are these? - I don't know.
0:47:53 > 0:47:54Ladies.
0:47:56 > 0:47:58CROWD SCREAMS
0:48:00 > 0:48:03CROWD GROANS
0:48:03 > 0:48:06MUSIC FADES
0:48:08 > 0:48:09Sorry, mate.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13CROWD GROANS
0:48:19 > 0:48:21- Good night, ladies. - Good night, ladies.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30Good night, man in a suitcase.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33Good night, part-man part-luggage.
0:48:33 > 0:48:37- Good night, Germans. - Good night, Germans.
0:48:37 > 0:48:41MUSIC BUILDS
0:48:41 > 0:48:43HE LAUGHS
0:48:43 > 0:48:46DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES
0:49:29 > 0:49:35Maybe we shouldn't have left. Maybe the girls wouldn't have minded.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37They would have minded.
0:49:37 > 0:49:42I wouldn't mind Gemma covered in puke. I'd still shag her.
0:49:45 > 0:49:49We've still got time. I think they love us.
0:49:49 > 0:49:53When Eyeball Paul plays our mix, they'll love us for ever.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56Everything's gonna be all right, innit?
0:49:56 > 0:49:58Kev?
0:50:00 > 0:50:03CREAKING AND MOANING
0:50:05 > 0:50:07'Oh! Oh!
0:50:11 > 0:50:14'Oh! Oh, Ray!
0:50:14 > 0:50:18'Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh!
0:50:25 > 0:50:28'Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh!'
0:50:39 > 0:50:41Go on, Mrs Patterson.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46- 'Oh! Oh!' - SHE SCREAMS
0:50:47 > 0:50:48Urrrgh!
0:50:50 > 0:50:52I'm sorry...
0:50:52 > 0:50:55I'm so sorry...
0:50:59 > 0:51:03'Oh! Oh, Ray!
0:51:03 > 0:51:05'Oh! Oh! Oh, Ray!'
0:51:10 > 0:51:13SCRUBBING
0:51:21 > 0:51:25How's it going, Sad Act?
0:51:23 > 0:51:25Very well, thanks.
0:51:25 > 0:51:31- Have you got that tape, then? - Yeah. It's in our beach bag.
0:51:31 > 0:51:35Don't worry. I'll find it. You carry on scrubbing.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37- Right. - Thanks.
0:51:39 > 0:51:41He's gonna listen to our tape!
0:51:43 > 0:51:45PERRY FARTS
0:51:48 > 0:51:50# All I wanna do is do it... #
0:52:14 > 0:52:17- This is well hammering! - Hammering!
0:52:17 > 0:52:21Tits up! Talk about having it large!
0:52:23 > 0:52:25- Boys! - Eyeball Paul?
0:52:25 > 0:52:29- I like the tape. - Yeah?
0:52:29 > 0:52:33I thought I might play it again, large. Fancy joining me?
0:52:33 > 0:52:36- Oh, yeah, sure! - Ah-ah-ah! Finish the floor.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38- Oh, yeah. - Course.
0:52:54 > 0:52:58Finished, Eyeball Paul.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58HE GASPS
0:52:58 > 0:53:01Twat!
0:53:02 > 0:53:05- Sit yourselves down, lads. - Hello, Big Baz.
0:53:06 > 0:53:10- All right, lovely ladies? - Watch this.
0:53:10 > 0:53:15You might learn a trick or two.
0:53:12 > 0:53:15- You mean listen. - No. No. Watch.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20'Oh...
0:53:20 > 0:53:22'Oh, Ray! Oh!'
0:53:22 > 0:53:24HE LAUGHS
0:53:26 > 0:53:28Eh?
0:53:28 > 0:53:30- Noooooo! - I'm sorry, Kev!
0:53:30 > 0:53:33Perry, you bloody pervert!
0:53:34 > 0:53:40Can we have our tape back?
0:53:36 > 0:53:40She's a randy bitch, your mam, isn't she, eh?
0:53:40 > 0:53:43Banging tits for an old bird.
0:53:43 > 0:53:45Noooooo!
0:53:49 > 0:53:51Kev!
0:53:51 > 0:53:53Give him his tape back, boss.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56Shut up, you soft twat!
0:53:56 > 0:54:00Kev! Kev! I'm sorry, mate.
0:54:00 > 0:54:06You are not my mate and you are not my fellow DJ! Goodbye for ever!
0:54:06 > 0:54:09MUSIC: "Kid 2000" - Hybrid featuring Chrissie Hynde
0:54:09 > 0:54:12# Kid, what changed your mood
0:54:12 > 0:54:15# You've gone all sad, so I feel sad too
0:54:15 > 0:54:18# I think I know...
0:54:18 > 0:54:22# Some things you never outgrow
0:54:24 > 0:54:26# You think it's wrong
0:54:26 > 0:54:29# I can tell you do
0:54:30 > 0:54:32# How can I explain
0:54:34 > 0:54:36# You don't want me to...
0:54:49 > 0:54:51# Kid, my only kid
0:54:51 > 0:54:53# You look so small
0:54:53 > 0:54:55# You've gone so quiet
0:54:55 > 0:54:59# I know you know what I'm about...
0:54:59 > 0:55:01- Need an 'and? - OK.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06# But you forgive
0:55:06 > 0:55:10# Though you don't understand
0:55:10 > 0:55:13# You've turned your head
0:55:13 > 0:55:15# You've dropped my hand
0:55:15 > 0:55:19# All my sorrows
0:55:19 > 0:55:22# All my blues
0:55:22 > 0:55:28# All my sorrows... #
0:55:42 > 0:55:44SOBBING
0:55:52 > 0:55:56KEVIN SOBS
0:55:53 > 0:55:56What's up, love?
0:55:56 > 0:55:59I...want...to go home.
0:56:00 > 0:56:03Oh, dear. Have you had a row with Perry?
0:56:03 > 0:56:06Yeah...
0:56:06 > 0:56:11Would you like a cup of tea?
0:56:08 > 0:56:11Yes, please, Dad!
0:56:13 > 0:56:16Oh, love. Everything will be all right.
0:56:19 > 0:56:22I've put the kettle on.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24Thanks, Dad.
0:56:24 > 0:56:29Tell you what, why don't we go out for a meal? Would you like that?
0:56:29 > 0:56:31Yeah.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34Let's smarten up and go out.
0:56:34 > 0:56:37Yeah. HE SOBS
0:56:42 > 0:56:45Oi!
0:56:45 > 0:56:48What happened last night was well bad!
0:56:48 > 0:56:51- What happened? - He got puked on.
0:56:51 > 0:56:54- What a bummer. - You all right?
0:56:54 > 0:56:59- Is he your boyfriend? - No, he's my boyfriend.
0:56:59 > 0:57:01- HE CHUCKLES - Bum boys.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03Nah, gay lovers.
0:57:03 > 0:57:06- Sorry. - Is that your sand castle?
0:57:06 > 0:57:10Yeah... No. I was just helping the little kid.
0:57:10 > 0:57:13- It's beautiful. - Perry's artistic.
0:57:15 > 0:57:18You've got a sensitive nature.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25Where's Kevin, is it?
0:57:25 > 0:57:29Er... Yeah. I don't know.
0:57:26 > 0:57:29He's all right.
0:57:29 > 0:57:32We're clubbing with you tonight, yeah?
0:57:32 > 0:57:36Yeah...
0:57:34 > 0:57:36Later.
0:57:36 > 0:57:38Later.
0:57:39 > 0:57:42See you later, big boy.
0:57:48 > 0:57:53Where we going?
0:57:49 > 0:57:53I've gotta go home. See you later.
0:58:08 > 0:58:12Oi, Sad Act!
0:58:09 > 0:58:12- Eyeball Paul. - You forgot this.
0:58:12 > 0:58:14And this.
0:58:14 > 0:58:17Oh.
0:58:19 > 0:58:21- Thanks. - I like your mix.
0:58:21 > 0:58:24- Eh? - # All I wanna do is do it... #
0:58:24 > 0:58:29It's cool. I might use it in my set tonight. Wanna lift?
0:58:29 > 0:58:32You and Ginger Pubes.
0:58:32 > 0:58:34Be here tonight.
0:58:35 > 0:58:39Fuck off.
0:58:37 > 0:58:39Thank you.
0:58:46 > 0:58:49Mr and Mrs Patterson.
0:58:49 > 0:58:53Where's Kev?
0:58:50 > 0:58:53- He's in the bedroom. - He's quite upset.
0:58:53 > 0:58:58You better make up.
0:58:55 > 0:58:58Oh... Oh, yeah...
0:59:04 > 0:59:06Hello.
0:59:14 > 0:59:16All right, Kev?
0:59:19 > 0:59:20Sorry, Kev.
0:59:30 > 0:59:33Thanks, Kev.
0:59:40 > 0:59:42BOTH SOB
0:59:53 > 0:59:54BOTH LAUGH
0:59:59 > 1:00:03Why you got a tie on?
1:00:00 > 1:00:03I'm going out with my mum and dad.
1:00:03 > 1:00:06- Did you have a nice afternoon? - No.
1:00:06 > 1:00:09- How about you? - I built a sand castle.
1:00:09 > 1:00:15Candice and Gemma got boyfriends. I saw them in the street.
1:00:15 > 1:00:17No, they're bum boys.
1:00:17 > 1:00:19- What? - I mean gay lovers.
1:00:19 > 1:00:24Oh.
1:00:20 > 1:00:24I saw them on the beach. They're friends.
1:00:24 > 1:00:27- Oh. - And Gemma said I was sensitive.
1:00:27 > 1:00:32She wanked at me. I mean winked. Candice said you're all right.
1:00:33 > 1:00:37- Candice? - They want to meet us tonight.
1:00:37 > 1:00:38Whoa.
1:00:38 > 1:00:43Oh! And Eyeball Paul gave me this for you.
1:00:45 > 1:00:49I'm really sorry, Kev. I didn't do it on purpose.
1:00:49 > 1:00:54I couldn't sleep. I happened to be filming this lizard on a wall.
1:00:54 > 1:00:57It crawled into your mum and dad's room.
1:00:57 > 1:01:00I didn't notice them doing it,
1:01:00 > 1:01:05this lizard was so interesting. And I'm really, really sorry.
1:01:05 > 1:01:09Yeah, OK, OK, OK. You saw Eyeball Paul?
1:01:09 > 1:01:12- Here, he said our mix was great. - Really?
1:01:12 > 1:01:15- He's going to play it tonight! - BOTH: Whoa!
1:01:15 > 1:01:17Yeah, man!
1:01:24 > 1:01:26- Cool! - Rinsin'!
1:01:26 > 1:01:29- Are you coming, Perry? - Mr Patterson?
1:01:29 > 1:01:33For a meal.
1:01:30 > 1:01:33Oh, yeah.
1:01:42 > 1:01:43Euurrrgh!
1:01:43 > 1:01:45- Kevin! - What now?
1:01:45 > 1:01:51Pick up the tie and give it to me.
1:01:47 > 1:01:51- I am not your slave! - See you later!
1:01:51 > 1:01:54- He's happy. - He's horrible.
1:02:00 > 1:02:05- Can I get in the front with you? - Don't be so pants!
1:02:23 > 1:02:27Put that down like that or up like that.
1:02:27 > 1:02:29You could put it down like that.
1:02:29 > 1:02:32Put it up like that.
1:02:32 > 1:02:34I like it like this, though.
1:02:37 > 1:02:40HE WHISTLES
1:02:43 > 1:02:46Here you are, lads. Your mix.
1:02:47 > 1:02:49On white label.
1:02:49 > 1:02:52BOTH: Whoa...
1:02:50 > 1:02:52Ah!
1:02:54 > 1:02:56Can we feel it, please?
1:02:58 > 1:02:59Boom.
1:03:02 > 1:03:03Oh...
1:03:04 > 1:03:06Oh...
1:03:15 > 1:03:17HORN BEEPS
1:03:21 > 1:03:24- Ladies. - Coming clubbing, ladies?
1:03:40 > 1:03:44All right, Candice?
1:03:42 > 1:03:44Kevin.
1:03:47 > 1:03:51We're playing our new mix tonight, isn't it, Eyeball Paul?
1:03:51 > 1:03:55Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
1:03:55 > 1:03:57It's on white label now,
1:03:57 > 1:04:01but it'll be on general release soon, probably.
1:04:07 > 1:04:10Your little minxes look impressed.
1:04:20 > 1:04:21TYRES SCREECH
1:04:24 > 1:04:26Fuck!
1:04:27 > 1:04:30- Baz, you daft bastard! - Sorry, boss.
1:04:30 > 1:04:32Jesus!
1:04:32 > 1:04:36- Can I sit on your knee? - Yeah. Sure.
1:04:36 > 1:04:38Yeah, me, too.
1:04:38 > 1:04:42- What was that about? - A puppy in the road.
1:04:42 > 1:04:47You should have flattened it!
1:04:43 > 1:04:47- BOTH:- No! - You've got to be kind to puppies.
1:04:47 > 1:04:53We love all furry animals.
1:04:49 > 1:04:53Kevin's sensitive about God's creatures.
1:04:53 > 1:04:56- Innit? - It is. And Perry.
1:05:12 > 1:05:14Tit!
1:05:14 > 1:05:17It's been a fantastic holiday, love.
1:05:17 > 1:05:20- Just what we needed. - The boys needed a break.
1:05:20 > 1:05:26Isn't that them?
1:05:23 > 1:05:26Don't worry, lads. I can manage.
1:05:30 > 1:05:33- Let's go in. - Don't be so silly!
1:05:33 > 1:05:38They won't see us with all those people. It'll be an experience.
1:05:38 > 1:05:40Aren't you curious?
1:05:40 > 1:05:44- This is it, Pel. - Kev? Let's mash it up.
1:05:52 > 1:05:54DANCE MUSIC
1:06:00 > 1:06:02CROWD CHEERS
1:06:22 > 1:06:27- How much?! You're joking! - No concessions for senior citizens.
1:06:42 > 1:06:44It's so loud!
1:06:49 > 1:06:52Right, lads.
1:06:55 > 1:06:57Here we go.
1:07:00 > 1:07:02RECORD STARTS
1:07:02 > 1:07:04CROWD CHEERS
1:07:06 > 1:07:09# All I wanna do is do it, innit...
1:07:26 > 1:07:28- MRS PATTERSON:- # Ooh, ooh, Ray
1:07:30 > 1:07:32# Oh, Ray!
1:07:33 > 1:07:35# Oh, Ray...
1:07:35 > 1:07:36# Oh, oh...
1:07:37 > 1:07:38# Oh, oh...
1:07:39 > 1:07:41# Oh... Oh... Oh...
1:07:41 > 1:07:43# Oh! Oh!
1:07:45 > 1:07:46HE LAUGHS
1:07:53 > 1:07:54# Ray!
1:07:54 > 1:07:56# Ah!
1:07:56 > 1:07:59# Big girl
1:07:59 > 1:08:02# Oh! Oh!
1:08:02 > 1:08:04# Oh!
1:08:04 > 1:08:07# Gemma...
1:08:07 > 1:08:10# Oh, Ray!
1:08:13 > 1:08:14# Lick my love plank
1:08:16 > 1:08:20# Candice, suck my candy
1:08:25 > 1:08:27- I'm famous! - And me!
1:08:27 > 1:08:30- BOTH:- We love you!
1:08:33 > 1:08:35# All I wanna do is do it, innit
1:08:38 > 1:08:39# Big girl
1:08:41 > 1:08:43# Oh, Ray! #
1:08:43 > 1:08:45That's enough of that shit.
1:08:45 > 1:08:47CROWD BOO
1:08:47 > 1:08:49- No! - Get off!
1:08:49 > 1:08:51Dance, you scumbags!
1:08:53 > 1:08:55Move, you Balearic bastards!
1:08:55 > 1:08:59CROWD CHANTS: "Ooh, Ray! Ooh, Ray!"
1:08:59 > 1:09:05Right! You want a piece of this shit? You can each have a bit of it.
1:09:06 > 1:09:09- Don't do that, boss. - You're fired!
1:09:11 > 1:09:13CROWD CHEERS
1:09:15 > 1:09:17CROWD CHANT: "Ooh, Ray! Ooh, Ray!"
1:09:17 > 1:09:20Well, lads, it's over to you.
1:09:24 > 1:09:26CHANTING CONTINUES
1:09:28 > 1:09:30RECORD BEGINS AGAIN
1:09:30 > 1:09:31CROWD CHEERS
1:09:35 > 1:09:37# Oh, Ray...
1:09:37 > 1:09:41# Oh, oh! Oh, oh!
1:10:01 > 1:10:03# Big girl... #
1:10:11 > 1:10:13Oh, Ray...
1:10:21 > 1:10:23It's beautiful, innit?
1:10:23 > 1:10:27- Like you, innit.- It is. HE LAUGHS
1:10:28 > 1:10:32- Is that you shagging on the record? - Yeah. Might be.
1:10:32 > 1:10:35- Who's the bird? - My mum.
1:10:37 > 1:10:40Oh, no! I mean... I never done it before.
1:10:40 > 1:10:43- Er... It wasn't me. - Were you a virgin?
1:10:45 > 1:10:47No.
1:10:47 > 1:10:49So was I.
1:10:52 > 1:10:54HE LAUGHS
1:10:55 > 1:10:58Kev!
1:10:56 > 1:10:58Yeah?
1:10:58 > 1:11:00Have you done it yet?
1:11:00 > 1:11:04Yeah.
1:11:01 > 1:11:04So have I.
1:11:04 > 1:11:07Well done. Wahey!
1:11:07 > 1:11:11Here, did you give it to Candice large?
1:11:11 > 1:11:15- I think so! - Oi!
1:11:20 > 1:11:22GROANING
1:11:59 > 1:12:01SHOUTING AND SCREAMING
1:12:05 > 1:12:08Sign this!
1:12:08 > 1:12:11Thanks. I shagged Kevin before he was famous.
1:12:55 > 1:12:59You are not my mate and you are not my fellow DJ!
1:12:59 > 1:13:01Goodbye... HE LAUGHS
1:13:01 > 1:13:07- Mr and Mrs Patterson, could I have a jam sandwich, please? - SHE LAUGHS
1:13:19 > 1:13:24Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd