0:01:05 > 0:01:08Where's my bride?
0:01:23 > 0:01:26My wedding dress. Quickly, put it on.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Soon you will live your life in jewels and not chains.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Come, child. Your groom awaits you.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07FLAMES ROAR
0:02:08 > 0:02:10# Honeybees, all right, all right
0:02:10 > 0:02:12# Say "Honeybees", all right Whoa!
0:02:12 > 0:02:16# Honeybees, all right, all right Say "Honeybees", all right
0:02:16 > 0:02:19# Go, Honeybees! #
0:02:19 > 0:02:21CHEERING
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- You ready, Hindenburg? - Yes.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- Great.- I have one question. Why am I dressed like a Fenmore Fox?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Aren't they our hated rivals?
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Yes, but this year's theme is unity, for all cheerleaders.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- Oh.- Have fun.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41BOOING AND HISSING
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- CHANT:- # Wipe out the Foxes #
0:02:47 > 0:02:51BOOING
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Ugh!
0:02:57 > 0:03:01BOTH CHANT: Boys are cheats and liars, they're such a big disgrace,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04they will tell you anything to get to second...
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10If you let him go all the way then you are...
0:03:10 > 0:03:14a horticulturist studies...
0:03:14 > 0:03:16LAUGHTER
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Oh, no, she didn't. - Oh, yes, she did.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- Girlfriend's booty be all wrapped up "licious".- All wrapped up.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25You're dope and phat yourselves.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Ling-Ling, you forgot lunch, baby pie.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33Chicken with five vegetable. Bulgogi and kim chi.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- Thanks, Mom.- OK.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38You all learn real good now.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- BOTH: Ling-Ling?! - Can somebody answer the phone(?)
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Oh, dang, that's messed up.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48Out of all the Korean liquor stores, why did my Dad walk into that one?
0:03:48 > 0:03:52I am returning your papers on the Salem witch trials.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56I'm sad to report that Eden here got the only A.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01Well, that's not fair. She was the only one who was actually there.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04LAUGHTER
0:04:05 > 0:04:08CHANTS SPELL
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Vice Principal Bernard.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Oh, Miss Spencer. Wonderful job. You know how to whip up a crowd.
0:04:19 > 0:04:25As pretty as you are, I bet you whipped 'em up when you were captain.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Me? Oh, no, I was much more of a band chick, actually.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Tuba - lead tuba. Honour band.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36Then, you wouldn't mind writing us some passes so we can practise.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Oh, I don't know about that.
0:04:39 > 0:04:44That trophy is gonna look so good in your office.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Oh, all right.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51# That's what girls do
0:04:51 > 0:04:54# Keep you guessing the whole day through...
0:04:54 > 0:04:58ALL SING: # Play your emotions and push all your buttons, it's true... #
0:04:58 > 0:05:00ALL GIGGLE
0:05:00 > 0:05:03# ..That's what girls do
0:05:03 > 0:05:06# That's what they do
0:05:08 > 0:05:11# You ask me why
0:05:11 > 0:05:14# I gotta play so hard to get... #
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Ugh!
0:05:17 > 0:05:22# ..You ask me to play it cool just to make you sweat... #
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Mmm. That's really good.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Erm, how much do I owe you?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31It's OK. It's on the house.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Really?!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Thanks!
0:05:37 > 0:05:41# ..That's what girls do... #
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Who's gonna pay for that, asshole?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51You are not gonna make it in this business.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54GASPS: You total binger!
0:05:54 > 0:05:58April, this is gonna go straight to your ass.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Itch bay alert. - Bianca.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Jessica, you look great.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Are you doing something different or hanging with skankier friends?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17LAUGHTER
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Bianca, you look really good, too.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Erm, are you eating less or just barfing more?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Barfing more.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- Good luck at the cheer competition. - Yeah.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35You, too.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43ALARM SOUNDS
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Bye-bye.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Oh, my God!
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Let's go, Winona.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02TRIBAL DRUMS BEAT
0:07:02 > 0:07:07- Jess, what are you doing? - Hang on a sec.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Whoa. This is kinda cool.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Can I help you, ladies?
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- Oh, yeah, what is this? - Oh, I like that, too.
0:07:27 > 0:07:32It's actually a Senegalese lute carved from deer wood.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- Used for fertility rituals. - Cool.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Oh, and you can put your weed in there.
0:07:41 > 0:07:46- Oh. Check this out. - That's beautiful.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49It's actually a model of the prison on Robben Island
0:07:49 > 0:07:52where Nelson Mandela was held for 27 years.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Before the collapse of apartheid.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00He came out pretty hate-free, though. You know, ready to heal.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04He went on to become the President of South Africa after that.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- After they freed him, of course. - Wow.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11A lot of people don't realise this, but you can put your weed in there.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- Oh.- It's great. Sure.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Well, if you have any more questions, I'll be in the back sleeping, so...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- Great.- OK. Thanks.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Actually, this is the back. Sorry.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31This stuff makes me feel so proud to be African-American.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38Ling-Ling! You walk right by Crazy Nail, no say hi me.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Hi, Mom.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Bye, girls.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46(Fake pearls!)
0:08:55 > 0:08:58DRUMS BEAT
0:09:06 > 0:09:11Stop banging those drums!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14I'm sorry. I didn't even know you could hear that.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Oh, my God! Look at those earrings.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22I'll be the envy of every girl at prom.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Not like that was in jeopardy or anything.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32- Excuse me. How much are these? - Not for sale. A genuine artefact.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Oh.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43(No! No!)
0:09:55 > 0:09:58OK, I'm all set.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Is that all you got? 18?!
0:10:06 > 0:10:11It's a gas station. Everybody pays with credit cards nowadays.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Help yourself to some nachos.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29BELL RINGS
0:10:29 > 0:10:34- MUFFLED: - Hey, that's for Doug Flutie's kids!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41BELL RINGS
0:10:42 > 0:10:43BELL RINGS
0:10:45 > 0:10:46BELL RINGS
0:10:48 > 0:10:50BELL RINGS
0:10:50 > 0:10:52BELL RINGS
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- MUFFLED:- I'm in here! Help!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58BELL RINGS
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Ah! Ah!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16They look really good.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Erm, excuse me!
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Gas cap's on that side.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Er, hello?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Full service. And, erm, could you, like,
0:11:44 > 0:11:48check the oil and all that other junk under the hood?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55(Like his job is that hard.)
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Minimum wage for a maximum loser.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Good one.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Hey, check this out.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07HORN BLARES Ow!
0:12:07 > 0:12:11ALL GIGGLE
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- Sorry. Accident. - You're so bad!
0:12:15 > 0:12:19OK. OK.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22How much you bet I can get him again?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24HORN BLARES
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Ow!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Oops!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Bye!
0:12:58 > 0:13:01MUSIC: "Bobby" by Len
0:13:16 > 0:13:20- < Ooh-la-la. I'm so pretty. - Booger.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Booger! I told you not to go through my stuff.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- What are you doing wearing my bra? - I'm not wearing your bra.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I was holding it against myself.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37Get outta my room, you little turd! Wait a minute.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- What happened to you? - Nothing.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Did that Cavanaugh kid do this to you?
0:13:49 > 0:13:54All right, come here. You know, he is such a punk!
0:13:54 > 0:13:58You know, one of these days he's gonna get it.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00There ya go. Better.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Is that my lipstick?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11GROANS WITH FRUSTRATION
0:14:11 > 0:14:14HORN SOUNDS
0:14:23 > 0:14:25# Give me all your fear
0:14:25 > 0:14:28# Throw it all away
0:14:28 > 0:14:32# Think about the good things
0:14:32 > 0:14:35# No matter what they say
0:14:35 > 0:14:39# We'll take tomorrow, baby
0:14:39 > 0:14:40# Yeah
0:14:40 > 0:14:44# One day at a time #
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Oh, Jess, when you do that, my whole leg tingles and shakes.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Really? Well, what happens if I kiss you...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14..there?
0:15:16 > 0:15:20You have to come snowboarding with me this weekend.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25Silly Billy Nilly. I told you, I'm not having sex with you.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30No. We could sip hot chocolate and play Scrabble.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35You call it whatever you want, I'm still not having sex with you.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Billy, look.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42You know how important this is to me.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47And when that special moment happens, I just... I want it to be perfect.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50I would never dream of rushing you.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Thank you, Billy.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02If you change your mind, we could go together. I'll wait behind for ya.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Front, behind, I'm still not doing it.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Good night, Billy.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28LAUGHS
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Oh, your life is like a fairy tale. You and Billy are totally Disney.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41You know, it's scary sometimes.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46I don't know what I'd do if things weren't so perfect.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50"I'm so glad you're my best friend."
0:16:50 > 0:16:53HE CHUCKLES GREEDILY
0:16:55 > 0:16:57LAUGHS
0:16:59 > 0:17:04I'll see you tomorrow. OK. Good night. Bye.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53WATER TRICKLES
0:17:57 > 0:17:59SCREAMS
0:17:59 > 0:18:01WHIMPERS
0:18:04 > 0:18:07SCREAMS
0:18:08 > 0:18:11SCREAMS
0:18:11 > 0:18:13BANG!
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Ah! Ha!
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- KNOCK ON DOOR - Jessica, is everything all right?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Yes, Mother.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30It's just a spider - a really big disgusting spider.
0:18:38 > 0:18:43- "Hi, it's April. Leave a message." - This isn't happening.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Oh, sick! Sick!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Oh!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Ooh!
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Ow! Oh! Ow!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10DOG BARKS
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Oh!
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Hey, Dad. Can I have this cake for breakfast?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Er, yeah. Whatever. Go for it.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Booger, what the hell are you doing eating my boss's cake?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52I thought you said I could eat it.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57ALARM SOUNDS
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Oh, God.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Where's my...?!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:20:13 > 0:20:15MOBILE BEEPS
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- Hello? - "April, it's me - Jessica."
0:20:20 > 0:20:22I need you to meet me after class.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- Is this really Jessica? - Yes!
0:20:25 > 0:20:30Oh, my God. Are you getting a cold? The competition's only a week away!
0:20:30 > 0:20:32DEEP VOICE: We have bigger problems.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43SOFT MALE VOICE: April!
0:20:47 > 0:20:51SOFT MALE VOICE: April! DEEP VOICE: April!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56SCARED GASP
0:20:58 > 0:21:02You stay away from me! I have pepper spray on my key chain.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05KEYS JINGLE
0:21:05 > 0:21:11April, I need you so bad right now. You have no idea.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12How do you know my name?
0:21:12 > 0:21:16It's me -
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Jessica.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26I'm in here.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33- What did you do with her? - I don't know what happened.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36I woke up this morning...
0:21:36 > 0:21:38..like this.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Ah!
0:21:40 > 0:21:47And what did I tell you about these?! They go straight to your ass.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- People are gonna be looking for me! - Please believe me.- I'm warning you!
0:21:50 > 0:21:55Please?! I'm Jessica! APRIL SCREAMS
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Ah! Ow! Oh!
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Oh!
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Oh, my God!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37I think I broke a rib!
0:22:37 > 0:22:40My eyes burn!
0:22:40 > 0:22:44I can't breathe!
0:22:44 > 0:22:48This morning I woke up a man!
0:22:48 > 0:22:54This is by far the worst day of my life!
0:22:55 > 0:22:59April!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Do you remember in second grade...
0:23:03 > 0:23:06when you moved here from Arkansas?
0:23:06 > 0:23:12Everybody threw rocks at you because you talked funny
0:23:12 > 0:23:16and your front two teeth were brown.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25I was your only friend.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34I gave you that locket around your neck
0:23:34 > 0:23:36when your grandmother was sick.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40You said...
0:23:40 > 0:23:43You said...
0:23:43 > 0:23:48We'd be bestest friends forever.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03Boys are cheats and liars,
0:24:03 > 0:24:05they're such a big disgrace.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09- BOTH:- They will tell you anything to get to second...
0:24:09 > 0:24:14Baseball, baseball. He thinks he's gonna score.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16If you let him go all the way
0:24:16 > 0:24:20then you are a... Horticulturist studies flowers.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Geologists studies rocks.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26The only thing a guy wants from you is a place to put his...
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Cockroaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of...
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Jugglers and acrobats, and dancing bear named Chuck.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38All guys really want to do is... Forget it, no such luck.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Oh, my God!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Oh, my God!
0:24:50 > 0:24:53How did this happen?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I don't know what to do.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00OK. OK. SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Here.
0:25:02 > 0:25:07Go to mine, wait in my room. Don't worry. We'll figure this out.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Here.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Here you go.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20You are my bestest bestest friend.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Ow!
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Ow!
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- Watch the beard. - Sorry.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32MUSIC: "Liquid Saint" by Firecracker
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Hi.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50OK, so listen. She bought it.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I told your mom you're going skiing with Billy's family.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56That'll at least buy us the weekend.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58You think I'll be stuck like this all weekend?!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Oh.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Ow.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Ahh!
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Gross.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26I've got hair everywhere! In my nose, in my ears, on my chin.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29I'm afraid to look anywhere else.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32It's like I'm an ad for hair.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35OK, well, listen. Maybe this will help.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38OK.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Oh.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46Yeah. OK. Against the grain.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47- Ready? - Mm-hm.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- Hold still.- AARGH!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52DEEP GROANING
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Er...
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Ow!
0:27:00 > 0:27:02So...
0:27:05 > 0:27:08So, er...
0:27:09 > 0:27:11What?
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Do you really have a penis?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17April!
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- Can I see it? - What is the matter with you?!
0:27:21 > 0:27:25I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here.
0:27:25 > 0:27:31You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can I see it?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34What is your problem?
0:27:34 > 0:27:37What?! It's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Do you wanna see it?
0:27:41 > 0:27:43OK. Fine.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46If it'll shut you up.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Nice.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Nice.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05I mean, you know, I've only seen a couple,
0:28:05 > 0:28:08but that's definitely top five.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10How many have you seen?
0:28:10 > 0:28:15Five. Not including my little brother's.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17You little tramp!
0:28:17 > 0:28:20SHE SCREAMS
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Ow! Oh! Oh! Mother...
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Oh! Oh.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Stan, I am beginning to worry about April.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37She has been acting rather strange.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39- Is it drugs? - No. No.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43I think it's her hormonal development.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46She just ate six peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
0:28:46 > 0:28:48and an entire carton of ice cream.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53And what do you make of this? Hm?
0:28:53 > 0:28:56It's April's soap. Well?
0:28:56 > 0:29:01- What do you think?- I think you need more things to fill out your day.
0:29:03 > 0:29:06OK? Are we done?
0:29:11 > 0:29:14PHONE RINGS
0:29:16 > 0:29:17Hello?
0:29:19 > 0:29:22All right, who is this?
0:29:22 > 0:29:27I should've made love to you when I had the chance.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31Father Mulcahy?
0:29:31 > 0:29:34PHONE BEEPS
0:29:42 > 0:29:45Tell me I'm beautiful.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49On the inside.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55Look, er, Jessica has a problem.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58She's gonna make us wait an hour?
0:29:58 > 0:30:02On the class trip she took so long in the bathroom we missed the bus.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05Our parents had to drive three hours to pick us up!
0:30:05 > 0:30:08I had my period, OK?
0:30:13 > 0:30:15ALL GASP
0:30:15 > 0:30:18ALL LAUGH
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Now that everybody's up to speed,
0:30:23 > 0:30:26start thinking about how to get my life back.
0:30:26 > 0:30:30That's definitely gonna cost ya a few votes for prom queen.
0:30:30 > 0:30:34ALL ROAR WITH LAUGHTER
0:30:34 > 0:30:38OK, come on. Let's get serious. Stop dicking around.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40Guys!
0:30:40 > 0:30:43I've got cheerleading competition, the prom.
0:30:43 > 0:30:48None of my clothes fit. I'm going bald. How am I gonna go to school?
0:30:48 > 0:30:52She's right. OK. Let's think.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55What could have caused this?
0:31:00 > 0:31:03Maybe it wasn't an accident.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09It's gotta be one of the people who hates Jessica!
0:31:09 > 0:31:13What are you talking about? People don't hate me.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19You see, Jess,
0:31:19 > 0:31:23because you are so beautiful and perfect...
0:31:23 > 0:31:26- Uh-huh. - ..certain people might misconstrue
0:31:26 > 0:31:30some of the mean and hurtful things you say and do to them.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33Although the things you say are funny,
0:31:33 > 0:31:39people tend to focus more on their own public humiliation and shame.
0:31:39 > 0:31:44So, you're saying people think I'm perfect?
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Let's make a list of those who hate Jessica.
0:31:48 > 0:31:53You know what'd be a shorter list? All the people who don't hate her.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55You bitch!
0:32:03 > 0:32:06BANGING AND GIGGLING
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Easy on the coffee.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14ALL GIGGLE
0:32:17 > 0:32:19Oh!
0:32:57 > 0:33:00Oh. Oh, hi.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Good morning.
0:33:03 > 0:33:07- Did ya sleep well? - Surprisingly, yes.
0:33:09 > 0:33:13Did you have any...special dreams?
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Not particularly.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19Hm. You sure?
0:33:19 > 0:33:22Why?
0:33:25 > 0:33:29Oh, my God! My first boner!
0:33:39 > 0:33:44- There you are! You're the gardener? - SPANISH ACCENT: Si.
0:33:44 > 0:33:49Lawn's a mess. It's my daughter's responsibility to look after it,
0:33:49 > 0:33:53- but you know teenage girls. - Si. Si. Teenageros.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56Sorry. Richie Spencer.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Er... Erm...
0:33:58 > 0:34:00Taquito?
0:34:00 > 0:34:04Oh, Taquito. There's the mower.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08There's your bag of fertiliser. I'll let you get to it.
0:34:24 > 0:34:27Damn! I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
0:34:32 > 0:34:35Gracias. But I am not sure I am old enough, senor.
0:34:35 > 0:34:39Yeah, right(!) What's the drinking age in Mexico, 40?
0:34:39 > 0:34:42Come on. Take a load off. You can finish in a minute.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47Hope you don't mind the light beer.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50I had to cut back on account of the bloating. Know what I mean?
0:34:50 > 0:34:55- I also had to give up the spicy food on account of my asshole. - HE FARTS
0:34:55 > 0:34:57We're amongst men, aren't we?
0:34:59 > 0:35:01Stinko de Mayo.
0:35:01 > 0:35:05You like that car? That's my daughter's. Pretty nice, huh?
0:35:05 > 0:35:09- Would've looked even better in red. - That's what my daughter said.
0:35:09 > 0:35:15We used to go out back and toss a few baskets, shoot the shit.
0:35:15 > 0:35:19But she's got her own stuff going on now. Whole family's falling apart.
0:35:19 > 0:35:21What?
0:35:21 > 0:35:24Things with the wife. Forget about it.
0:35:24 > 0:35:28I mean, we sleep in the same bed, might as well be separate countries.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31That is, like, so sad.
0:35:32 > 0:35:36Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39I tried everything, nothing worked.
0:35:39 > 0:35:44I even got out the razor and gave myself a porn-star trim. Wanna see?
0:35:44 > 0:35:46SCREECHES
0:35:46 > 0:35:50Boy, she used to be wild. The sex was great.
0:35:50 > 0:35:54We'd be going at it and she'd still find a way to kiss me.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57Senor, information too mucho.
0:35:57 > 0:36:02- Emotional scarro. Disgusting. - It's good talking to you, Taquito.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09# It's how the hustle goes
0:36:09 > 0:36:12# See what the jukebox knows
0:36:14 > 0:36:17# Put my last quarter on
0:36:17 > 0:36:19# I play "Authority Song"
0:36:22 > 0:36:28# Honesty or mystery? Tell me, I'm not scared any more
0:36:29 > 0:36:32# I got no secret purpose
0:36:32 > 0:36:34# I don't seem obvious, do I? #
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Hey, Jessica. Come here.
0:36:39 > 0:36:43- We've got a suspect. - Oh, yes!- Come on!
0:36:45 > 0:36:48Something smells like dog poo.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51I think I'm sitting next to it.
0:36:51 > 0:36:52Eww!
0:36:53 > 0:36:56Come on, Hildenberg. Don't play dumb.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59You hate Jessica. You're good at science.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01Confess and give us the antidote.
0:37:01 > 0:37:05It's impossible for a woman to transform into a man overnight.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08You're saying that you had nothing to do with this?
0:37:08 > 0:37:10Look.
0:37:10 > 0:37:15Let's pretend this was an alternate universe where I believed you.
0:37:15 > 0:37:18Why would I wanna help Jessica out anyway?
0:37:21 > 0:37:23Jessica!
0:37:29 > 0:37:32Hildenberg,
0:37:32 > 0:37:37I'm sorry that I humiliated you in front of the entire school
0:37:37 > 0:37:40and the visiting eighth graders.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45But you have no idea what it's like
0:37:45 > 0:37:48to wake up every morning
0:37:48 > 0:37:51and have to shave your chin.
0:37:53 > 0:37:54SNORTS
0:37:58 > 0:38:01Yes, I do.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10Who's next on the list?
0:38:10 > 0:38:15- Whoa. - Well, it is cold in here.
0:38:16 > 0:38:20- So, you never put a hex on me? - I've put plenty on you.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23To give you dandruff and make your hair fall out,
0:38:23 > 0:38:25make one boob bigger than the other.
0:38:25 > 0:38:29Oh, I think you got me with that one!
0:38:31 > 0:38:34LAUGH NERVOUSLY
0:38:34 > 0:38:37There's some powerful occult magic at work here,
0:38:37 > 0:38:40like an ancient spell,
0:38:40 > 0:38:43or voodoo or Santeria.
0:38:43 > 0:38:48- What's Santeria? - A Latin-based form of witchcraft.
0:38:48 > 0:38:52It originated in Africa and then made its way to Cuba and Brazil.
0:38:52 > 0:38:55- Bianca!- I knew it!
0:38:55 > 0:38:59- Most of its rituals involve a chicken.- That sounds delicious.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04- I mean interesting. - There's a way to tell.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06A true practitioner of Santeria
0:39:06 > 0:39:09bears the mark of the scorpion tattooed on their back.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13Bianca's always hanging out at that dance club Instant Tang.
0:39:13 > 0:39:18Tonight's ladies' night and we get in for free!
0:39:20 > 0:39:23Well, most of us.
0:39:24 > 0:39:28Trust me. You'll never get Bianca to dance with you looking like this.
0:39:28 > 0:39:32# Oh, yeah you're pretty good looking for a girl
0:39:32 > 0:39:35# But your back is so broken
0:39:35 > 0:39:39# And this feeling's still gonna linger on
0:39:39 > 0:39:44# Until the year 2525
0:39:44 > 0:39:49# Yeah, you're pretty good looking for a girl
0:39:49 > 0:39:55# Your eyes are wide open and your thoughts have been stolen
0:39:55 > 0:39:59# By the boys who took you out and bought you everything you want
0:39:59 > 0:40:03# Yeah, you're pretty good looking
0:40:03 > 0:40:06# Oh, yeah, you're pretty good looking
0:40:06 > 0:40:09# Oh, yeah, for a girl #
0:40:17 > 0:40:20- What?- Nothing.
0:40:20 > 0:40:23You just look good.
0:40:23 > 0:40:27- Really?- Yeah.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30OK. Thanks.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32GIGGLES
0:40:32 > 0:40:35BOTH: No, she's not gonna...
0:40:37 > 0:40:40- Yeah, she is. - Mmmm.
0:40:46 > 0:40:50Wow. That is so good.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53That's 8.95.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56What?
0:40:56 > 0:41:01Aren't you just gonna take it out of your tip jar?
0:41:01 > 0:41:04- COUGHS: 8.95?- Yeah. - I got that.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13# When I rock like this
0:41:13 > 0:41:15# Rock like this Rock like this
0:41:15 > 0:41:16# When I rock like this
0:41:16 > 0:41:18# When I rock like this it's rhythm
0:41:18 > 0:41:19# When I rock like this
0:41:19 > 0:41:21# Rock like this Rock like this
0:41:21 > 0:41:23# When I rock like this
0:41:23 > 0:41:25# When I rock like this it's rhythm... #
0:41:40 > 0:41:43I'll take two banana daiquiris,
0:41:43 > 0:41:46one mango, a sloe gin fizz, one slippery nipple,
0:41:46 > 0:41:50and for me, a screaming orgasm on the beach with extra sugar on the rim.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52Yum!
0:41:59 > 0:42:04DEEP VOICE: Erm, better make that last one a brewski.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08Double brewski.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17They didn't even card me.
0:42:17 > 0:42:21It's just like Cabo.
0:42:26 > 0:42:31- How does a butt plug like that get those hot chicks?- Dibs on the dots.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34Goddamn!
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Ooh, he's cute.
0:42:36 > 0:42:39Check out the sweet buns on that guy.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42I'd like to get my hands on those and...
0:42:42 > 0:42:47DEEP VOICE: ..wish they were women's breasts and squeeze 'em.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50Maybe put a steak on 'em.
0:42:50 > 0:42:55Cos I'm a guy. That's what guys like me like to do.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58But I don't need to tell you that.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05Bianca!
0:43:05 > 0:43:08MUSIC: "Somebody Hit the Lights" by Christina Milian
0:43:08 > 0:43:11I'll show her. This is my song.
0:43:13 > 0:43:16Remember the scorpion on her back.
0:43:16 > 0:43:18I'll find it.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21# Seven days a week
0:43:21 > 0:43:22# Now, when you're driving in your 4x4
0:43:22 > 0:43:25# And you turn this up on your stereo
0:43:25 > 0:43:28# Whether night or day, non-stop you'll play
0:43:28 > 0:43:30- # You know you still want more... - Hey!
0:43:30 > 0:43:33# So find a honey that's standing on the wall
0:43:33 > 0:43:35# All the girls get the guys on the floor
0:43:35 > 0:43:39# From the front to the back, let's go, hear this
0:43:39 > 0:43:40- # Woo!... - Eww!
0:43:40 > 0:43:42# Somebody hit the lights
0:43:42 > 0:43:44# So we can rock it day and night
0:43:44 > 0:43:46# People getting down, that's right...
0:43:46 > 0:43:48- Her tattoo! - I don't see it.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51# Everybody looking like stars
0:43:51 > 0:43:54# All the chicks and the fellas in the bars... #
0:43:54 > 0:43:58- Right hand - red. - Left hand - blue.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01Oh!
0:44:06 > 0:44:08RIP! BIANCA SCREAMS
0:44:13 > 0:44:17MUSIC: "Shake Ya Ass" by Mystikal
0:44:21 > 0:44:24# Shake ya fanny Watch yourself
0:44:24 > 0:44:26# Shake ya fanny Show me what you're working with
0:44:26 > 0:44:29# Shake ya fanny Watch yourself
0:44:29 > 0:44:31# Shake ya fanny Show me what you're working with
0:44:31 > 0:44:33# Shake ya fanny Watch yourself
0:44:33 > 0:44:35- # Shake ya fanny... # - CHEERS
0:44:36 > 0:44:39APPLAUSE
0:44:42 > 0:44:46- It's definitely not her. - Don't worry, we'll figure this out.
0:44:46 > 0:44:48You're a great dancer.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51You're just noticing that now?
0:44:51 > 0:44:55I gotta hit the little girls' room before I soak my panties.
0:44:59 > 0:45:04DEEP VOICE: By that I mean my girlfriend's panties.
0:45:04 > 0:45:10Which I carry with me to pee in if I don't make it in time...
0:45:10 > 0:45:12to the bathroom.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15What? You don't pee in your girlfriend's panties?
0:45:15 > 0:45:19What kind of gay club is this?
0:45:19 > 0:45:22Hey, everybody, check out this guy.
0:45:22 > 0:45:25Not peeing in his chick's panties.
0:45:37 > 0:45:41Excuse me. Do you have to be in here for this?
0:45:41 > 0:45:44It's part of my job description,
0:45:44 > 0:45:47but if you're one of those shy guys, why don't you try that stall there.
0:45:47 > 0:45:50FARTING
0:45:50 > 0:45:53Er, there's someone in there.
0:45:53 > 0:45:57They're gonna be a while. I told him to stay away from the calamari.
0:45:57 > 0:46:00FARTING
0:46:00 > 0:46:03Some folks think they can eat anything that crawls.
0:46:11 > 0:46:14Would you mind?
0:46:31 > 0:46:33Ah! Oh!
0:46:37 > 0:46:40Excuse me.
0:46:40 > 0:46:44- Why is there ice in there? - Eww! I wouldn't have done that.
0:46:53 > 0:46:56TRICKLING WATER
0:46:58 > 0:47:02You're good at that. You make it look so easy.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Why don't you just take a picture(?)
0:47:19 > 0:47:22All right. Here goes.
0:47:22 > 0:47:26Disgusting! Wrinkly. Gross.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34I've never done this before. It's going all over!
0:47:34 > 0:47:39Aim at something. Like that cigarette there or the big mint.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42- It's going everywhere! - You got to hold onto it.
0:47:42 > 0:47:46Not too tight, but enough to let it know you the boss.
0:47:48 > 0:47:52See that fly? Aim for him.
0:47:52 > 0:47:56- That's helping. - That's it.
0:47:57 > 0:48:01Remember, if you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it.
0:48:12 > 0:48:15I don't know how I could ever thank you.
0:48:26 > 0:48:30- Hi.- That was an experience. - Here's your drink.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33- Is there any ice in here?- No. - Thank God.
0:48:33 > 0:48:38Hey. Aren't you that chick who's having sex with that college guy?
0:48:38 > 0:48:39No.
0:48:39 > 0:48:42Wanna be?
0:48:47 > 0:48:51She's not interested, OK? So, why don't you just back off?
0:48:51 > 0:48:57OK, Grandpa(!) What are you, their pimp? And these are your skank hos?
0:49:04 > 0:49:08You and me, right now. Let's go.
0:49:08 > 0:49:13- Where are we going? - No!
0:49:20 > 0:49:22Jess!
0:49:24 > 0:49:28- Come on, Jess. Come on! - What do you got, geezer? Come on!
0:49:28 > 0:49:31SHOUTING
0:49:31 > 0:49:34Show me what ya got. Come on!
0:49:38 > 0:49:39What the...?
0:49:39 > 0:49:42- What's he doing? - Some kinda tae queer do.
0:49:43 > 0:49:46That's it!
0:49:59 > 0:50:02Yeah!
0:50:07 > 0:50:09CHEER
0:50:12 > 0:50:16- That really does hurt. - Thanks for sticking up for me.
0:50:17 > 0:50:19Now, go kick some ass.
0:50:25 > 0:50:27Oh! Ah!
0:50:31 > 0:50:33RIP!
0:50:37 > 0:50:40You think you're so cool cos you can pee with your penis.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43Get a new conditioner. Your ends are totally split.
0:50:54 > 0:50:58- April, I don't know.- Oh, come on. It's the only way to be in school.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00Here comes Jake.
0:51:01 > 0:51:04- Hi. - Hey, babe. Skiing sucked.
0:51:04 > 0:51:08- You didn't miss a thing. It was all mushed out.- Oh.
0:51:08 > 0:51:11What's with the scarf?
0:51:11 > 0:51:14It's kinda chilly in here. Brrr.
0:51:21 > 0:51:23Ski rash.
0:51:24 > 0:51:29I'm gonna... Better... I'm gonna go to class. All right.
0:51:32 > 0:51:37- April, I am so sorry. - He didn't even ask me to the prom.
0:51:39 > 0:51:42Jake and I are so over.
0:51:42 > 0:51:44OK.
0:51:44 > 0:51:50Now, you get in there. And remember, your name is Spence.
0:51:50 > 0:51:53I must tell you, Spence, er,
0:51:53 > 0:51:57there are applicants who actually have prior janitorial experience.
0:51:57 > 0:52:00Your hair, it has such bounce.
0:52:00 > 0:52:03Oh, it's this new cream.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06Er, anyway, as I was saying, you haven't really provided me -
0:52:06 > 0:52:09Look. Er...
0:52:09 > 0:52:14I'll be honest with you. I'm a struggling musician.
0:52:14 > 0:52:19Ever since my days playing the tuba in the high school marching band.
0:52:19 > 0:52:21Y-You play the tuba?
0:52:21 > 0:52:24Yes. In the honour band.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26Oh.
0:52:27 > 0:52:31Well, Spence, I'd be going out on a limb, but...
0:52:31 > 0:52:35You won't regret it, I promise. Thank you, Miss Bernard. Thank you.
0:52:35 > 0:52:38- Please call me Marjorie. - Marjorie.
0:52:38 > 0:52:43Now, if you'll just fill out the security portion here of the form.
0:52:43 > 0:52:44All right.
0:52:52 > 0:52:55Billy. SCREAMS:
0:52:55 > 0:52:58- We need to talk. - About what?!
0:53:02 > 0:53:04- I called you on your ski trip to - - That was you?
0:53:04 > 0:53:10- Yeah.- Oh, God! - I can explain!
0:53:10 > 0:53:12Billy, wait!
0:53:21 > 0:53:24I gotta do what?
0:53:27 > 0:53:31Hi.
0:53:31 > 0:53:33I missed you. Hi, Sam.
0:53:36 > 0:53:39Hey, Taquito! Think fast! Oh!
0:53:41 > 0:53:45- You got me, senor.- Pick up that ball. We are gonna shoot some hoops.
0:53:45 > 0:53:48MEXICAN MUSIC
0:53:48 > 0:53:51Take that shit back to Tijuana!
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Let me make you feel a little bit more at home.
0:54:10 > 0:54:16Goooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!
0:54:19 > 0:54:23- How are things with the missus, senor?- Still not getting any.
0:54:26 > 0:54:28When did you last kiss her?
0:54:28 > 0:54:32You mean, "kiss her" or "kiss her, kiss her"?
0:54:32 > 0:54:34GROANS IN DISGUST
0:54:34 > 0:54:37When a woman is ignoring you,
0:54:37 > 0:54:40that's when she wants you the most.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42She's only waiting for you to open up her passion,
0:54:42 > 0:54:46which is like a waterfall
0:54:46 > 0:54:49waiting to explode.
0:54:49 > 0:54:54You must get a lot of enchilada, Taquito. Come on! Bring it!
0:54:59 > 0:55:02- Tres points, senor? - Lucky shot.
0:55:07 > 0:55:10My outs again, senor?
0:55:20 > 0:55:22Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25How did you know I don't move so well to my right?
0:55:30 > 0:55:32Booger!
0:55:33 > 0:55:37Oh. Have you seen your sister? I haven't talked to her in days.
0:55:38 > 0:55:42- She was here a minute ago. You just missed her.- Oh.
0:55:47 > 0:55:49Good game.
0:55:54 > 0:55:57Senor Richie.
0:55:57 > 0:56:01I need to tell you something, but I can't.
0:56:01 > 0:56:04What do ya got going on, Taquito?
0:56:06 > 0:56:09I'm not really a gardener.
0:56:09 > 0:56:14I agree with that. The roses look like shit.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17I'm sorry.
0:56:17 > 0:56:21Come on, now. Easy there, big fella. They're just roses.
0:56:21 > 0:56:24I wanted to tell you,
0:56:24 > 0:56:27I think you're the greatest dad in the world.
0:56:29 > 0:56:34And any kid would be lucky to have you as their father.
0:56:34 > 0:56:37Thanks, Taquito.
0:56:39 > 0:56:43I'd hate to see ya after ya lose a game(!)
0:56:52 > 0:56:56- Did you eat any wolfsbane? - Er, no.
0:56:57 > 0:57:01- Any sex with a leprechaun? - Not recently.
0:57:06 > 0:57:08Oh, my God!
0:57:11 > 0:57:15They should come with a warning, "Earrings may come with penis."
0:57:17 > 0:57:19This be some serious shit.
0:57:19 > 0:57:24Those belong to Princess Nawa. There is a myth
0:57:24 > 0:57:28of her using the earrings to escape a bad marriage.
0:57:28 > 0:57:30DRUMS RUMBLE
0:57:30 > 0:57:35But she didn't know that she had to bring the earrings back together
0:57:35 > 0:57:39and she lived out her life as a slave girl.
0:57:39 > 0:57:43Now, it appears that this myth is anything but...
0:57:43 > 0:57:46Would you stop with the damn drumming?!
0:57:49 > 0:57:54Oh, I'm sorry. I just was really getting into your story.
0:57:55 > 0:57:59You've got to find that other earring
0:57:59 > 0:58:03and unite them before the full moon end.
0:58:06 > 0:58:09MUSIC: "Mess" by Custom
0:58:09 > 0:58:13# I'm a messed up kid
0:58:13 > 0:58:15# With a messed up head
0:58:15 > 0:58:19# Driving this wreck of a life through all the yellows and reds...
0:58:19 > 0:58:21I got you, babe.
0:58:21 > 0:58:23# Cos my messed up parents messed up
0:58:23 > 0:58:28- # And had me... - < Ling-Ling! Ling-Ling!
0:58:28 > 0:58:32Look! I help you. I help you.
0:58:32 > 0:58:33# They're all a mess just like me
0:58:33 > 0:58:38# If you put us all together it gets really ugly
0:58:38 > 0:58:40# I'm a mess... #
0:58:46 > 0:58:48Hey, Billy!
0:58:49 > 0:58:51- Oh! - Yeah!
0:58:51 > 0:58:53Is he OK?
0:58:59 > 0:59:02What's the matter? You afraid the janitor's gonna see your ding-dong?
0:59:02 > 0:59:05LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:59:08 > 0:59:12- So, what's up with you and the prom queen?- I don't know.
0:59:12 > 0:59:15I thought everything was fine but I guess I was wrong.
0:59:15 > 0:59:20That's why you gotta have a spare. That's what April is, my spare.
0:59:20 > 0:59:22- Spare? - Yeah, she's my backup.
0:59:22 > 0:59:26I mean, she was a fun ride. But she is a previously owned vehicle.
0:59:26 > 0:59:29- I'm into that new car smell. - You asshole!
0:59:32 > 0:59:36Whoever left these towels over here is an asshole.
0:59:38 > 0:59:41Now, this new chick I got...
0:59:41 > 0:59:43WHISTLES
0:59:43 > 0:59:46Dude, she is gonna be the hottest chick at the prom.
0:59:46 > 0:59:50- One of her friends would love to date a quarterback.- I don't know.
0:59:50 > 0:59:54- Maybe this one will put out, unlike that cold fish Jessica.- Go to hell!
0:59:58 > 1:00:00Whoever left these showers on.
1:00:01 > 1:00:04Go to hell.
1:00:05 > 1:00:09Hey, Jessica's anything but a cold fish, all right?
1:00:13 > 1:00:16She's the most amazing girl in the whole world.
1:00:16 > 1:00:21Dude, you've never even been out of California.
1:00:21 > 1:00:24I don't care. I love her.
1:00:24 > 1:00:29She thinks I only wanna have sex, but that's not what it's about.
1:00:29 > 1:00:32I mean, when that moment comes,
1:00:32 > 1:00:35I want it to be perfect.
1:00:38 > 1:00:42Wow. That is the gayest thing I have ever heard.
1:00:42 > 1:00:44SPRAYS
1:00:44 > 1:00:47She's the only girl
1:00:47 > 1:00:50that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.
1:00:53 > 1:00:57When I'm not with her, I'm not living.
1:00:59 > 1:01:03I'm only existing till I can hold her in my arms again.
1:01:03 > 1:01:05Hmm!
1:01:05 > 1:01:08Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay.
1:01:08 > 1:01:11JESS SOBS
1:01:17 > 1:01:19Somebody shit in the locker.
1:01:31 > 1:01:34MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYS
1:01:35 > 1:01:38Can I help you find something?
1:01:39 > 1:01:42I-I was looking for my earring.
1:01:42 > 1:01:44It, er, accidentally fell
1:01:44 > 1:01:50into the lawn mower and, er, ricocheted into the window.
1:01:53 > 1:01:58I've always liked earrings on men. Would you like some lemonade?
1:02:00 > 1:02:03Here you go, Taquito. It has got a Mexican flavour to it.
1:02:07 > 1:02:10COUGHS
1:02:12 > 1:02:14What the hell is that?
1:02:14 > 1:02:19Quesadilla and spicy menudo with jalapenos. Your national dish.
1:02:21 > 1:02:24I'm sorry.
1:02:25 > 1:02:29It's been so long since I heard you laugh.
1:02:30 > 1:02:34I mean, since I started working here.
1:02:42 > 1:02:46- Oh, I am so sorry. - No problemo.
1:02:49 > 1:02:52No problemo.
1:02:53 > 1:02:55Ah! Carol! Carol! Please!
1:02:55 > 1:03:00This would be very unnatural for me in at least five different ways!
1:03:03 > 1:03:06So, you like men?
1:03:06 > 1:03:10Of course I do. What do you think?
1:03:10 > 1:03:13Oh.
1:03:14 > 1:03:17Oh.
1:03:24 > 1:03:26Carol.
1:03:30 > 1:03:35You are a beautiful and very desirable woman.
1:03:36 > 1:03:40And you have a husband who's dying to be with you.
1:03:40 > 1:03:43- He said that? - Yes.
1:03:43 > 1:03:47I cleaned up the language a bit, but, yes.
1:03:49 > 1:03:52I know.
1:03:54 > 1:03:57Let's go paint your toenails.
1:03:59 > 1:04:01Then we'll wash your hair.
1:04:01 > 1:04:04My daughter Jessie used to do those things for me.
1:04:04 > 1:04:07I'll make up for that right now.
1:04:07 > 1:04:12Come on. Let's show that man of yours what he's been missing.
1:04:12 > 1:04:14Come on!
1:04:19 > 1:04:21GIGGLING
1:04:21 > 1:04:24Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh!
1:04:24 > 1:04:28Si. Yeah. Si. Si.
1:04:28 > 1:04:31Si. Uh-huh. Si. Si.
1:04:31 > 1:04:35To the left. Right, right, right! Oh! Yes!
1:04:36 > 1:04:39Carol!
1:04:39 > 1:04:41How could you?! In my own house?!
1:04:41 > 1:04:43Senor Richie.
1:04:43 > 1:04:45Taquito! We were supposed to be amigos!
1:04:45 > 1:04:49- The loofah for the scrubbing. - Get out!
1:04:49 > 1:04:51- Is for the the bath. - Shut up-o!
1:04:51 > 1:04:55- I was scrubbing.- Out! - Richie. Richie.
1:04:55 > 1:04:57It's not what you think.
1:04:59 > 1:05:02It's my own fault.
1:05:06 > 1:05:08Oh, Daddy!
1:05:10 > 1:05:12Oh, Daddy!
1:05:17 > 1:05:20Look at all these earrings. It's hopeless!
1:05:20 > 1:05:21I'm sorry.
1:05:22 > 1:05:27The prom's in three days. Forget about the cheer competition.
1:05:31 > 1:05:33I had it all.
1:05:33 > 1:05:36And I never really appreciated it.
1:05:36 > 1:05:40I took everybody for granted.
1:05:41 > 1:05:46Oh, and today, my dad walked in on me and my mom in the tub.
1:05:46 > 1:05:49I think I may have lost my job as gardener.
1:05:49 > 1:05:53You know, I'm kinda sorry to say this,
1:05:53 > 1:05:56but this has been really fun.
1:05:59 > 1:06:00Yeah, right!
1:06:00 > 1:06:02PHONE RINGS
1:06:02 > 1:06:06- ANSWERPHONE BEEPS:- "It's Jake. I got a half hour after wrestling."
1:06:06 > 1:06:10I can either take a shower or I can come on over.
1:06:15 > 1:06:18DEEP VOICE: Too late, dude.
1:06:18 > 1:06:22"She's with me right now." She says that my pee-pee is bigger than yours.
1:06:24 > 1:06:26And that's if I fold it in half.
1:06:30 > 1:06:32No way!
1:06:32 > 1:06:34Oh, my God. That was awesome, Spence!
1:06:34 > 1:06:36Any time.
1:06:39 > 1:06:42You know,
1:06:42 > 1:06:44I really thought I was in love.
1:06:46 > 1:06:48How do you know for sure, anyway?
1:06:48 > 1:06:51I think it's when you find someone
1:06:51 > 1:06:57that you can really be yourself with, share anything. You know?
1:06:57 > 1:07:01- You mean like best friends? - Yeah.
1:07:01 > 1:07:05Love's when you can't even imagine what your life would be like
1:07:05 > 1:07:08without that other person.
1:07:08 > 1:07:13When words don't come close to how your heart really feels.
1:07:13 > 1:07:16Even though it doesn't make sense to other people,
1:07:16 > 1:07:19- you know you're meant to be together.- Yeah.
1:07:19 > 1:07:24You think about him all night and in the morning you feel rested.
1:07:24 > 1:07:29You have to grab onto something cos your body's about to float away.
1:07:31 > 1:07:36OK. I have an idea.
1:07:36 > 1:07:39- What? What? What? - It might sound kinda crazy.
1:07:39 > 1:07:41Tell me. What?
1:07:41 > 1:07:46Why don't you and I go to the prom together?
1:07:46 > 1:07:48That would be awesome!
1:07:48 > 1:07:51Ha-ha! Yeah! So cool!
1:07:53 > 1:07:56- Yeah! - We'd make Jake so jealous.
1:07:56 > 1:07:59Yeah!
1:08:01 > 1:08:04I gotta pee. Oh. I gotta pee.
1:08:08 > 1:08:11- PEEING AND FARTING - Oh!
1:08:13 > 1:08:15- FARTING - Oh!
1:08:15 > 1:08:19PEES Oh, jeez. Sorry, I'll get that.
1:08:19 > 1:08:21- Are you OK? - I'll get it.
1:08:21 > 1:08:23Sorry.
1:08:23 > 1:08:26# Ash to ash
1:08:26 > 1:08:30# And dust to dust
1:08:30 > 1:08:34- # We dream a lot... - Jessica?
1:08:34 > 1:08:38- # ..We sold our trust... # - Jessica!
1:08:38 > 1:08:41TYRES SCREECH
1:08:41 > 1:08:44Jessica! Oh, Jessica.
1:08:44 > 1:08:47Oh, thank God.
1:08:47 > 1:08:50I love you, baby.
1:08:50 > 1:08:54- I will do anything for you. - Yeah?
1:08:56 > 1:09:00- Er, how much money you got? - What?
1:09:00 > 1:09:03- How much money you got? - Erm...
1:09:04 > 1:09:06about 40 dollars.
1:09:06 > 1:09:09That your car?
1:09:10 > 1:09:14It's my Dad's. You know that.
1:09:14 > 1:09:18Yeah. Cool. Give me the keys.
1:09:20 > 1:09:23Thanks.
1:09:23 > 1:09:27Hey, er, so, er, what'd you say your name was?
1:09:27 > 1:09:31- Billy. - Oh. Yeah.
1:09:33 > 1:09:37Take it easy, Bobby.
1:09:37 > 1:09:40It's Billy.
1:10:04 > 1:10:06LATIN MUSIC PLAYS
1:10:12 > 1:10:13Yeah!
1:10:26 > 1:10:29Where's Jessica?
1:10:29 > 1:10:33Don't worry, Ms Bernard. She'll be here.
1:10:46 > 1:10:51Hey, I really hope this works, Jessica.
1:10:51 > 1:10:54- Come on. Let's go kick some ass. - OK.
1:10:54 > 1:10:56Ow!
1:10:56 > 1:11:00- Dude, there's Jessica. - Whatever.
1:11:00 > 1:11:02Dude!
1:11:18 > 1:11:20She does love me.
1:11:20 > 1:11:22DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
1:11:33 > 1:11:35RAP MUSIC PLAYS
1:11:46 > 1:11:48Whoa!
1:11:57 > 1:11:59# The bees are coming The bees are coming
1:11:59 > 1:12:02- # Sting this! # - That's you. That's you. I see you.
1:12:03 > 1:12:05Yeah!
1:12:11 > 1:12:14Oh! SHOCKED GASPS
1:12:20 > 1:12:22RETCHES
1:12:34 > 1:12:36Ladies and gentlemen.
1:12:36 > 1:12:42It appears the older gentleman in the bee outfit with the fake boobs is the school janitor.
1:12:42 > 1:12:45As per section 31C of the rule book,
1:12:45 > 1:12:49school employees are allowed to be mascots.
1:12:49 > 1:12:53Say "hello" to your new champions, the Bridgetown Honeys!
1:12:59 > 1:13:01- Yeah! - Yeah!
1:13:03 > 1:13:05JESS LAUGHS UNCONTROLLABLY
1:13:12 > 1:13:15# Give me all your fear
1:13:15 > 1:13:17# Throw it all away
1:13:17 > 1:13:20# Think about the good things
1:13:20 > 1:13:23# No matter what they say
1:13:23 > 1:13:28# We'll take tomorrow, baby
1:13:28 > 1:13:30# Yeah
1:13:30 > 1:13:32# One day at a time... #
1:13:32 > 1:13:36- TV:- Police are now searching for The Hot Chick Bandit -
1:13:36 > 1:13:40a beautiful young woman who lures men into dark alleyways,
1:13:40 > 1:13:43beats them senseless and takes their wallets.
1:13:43 > 1:13:47- We thought she needed some help. - Yeah, we're helpful guys.
1:13:47 > 1:13:50We went into the alley and she starts whaling on me.
1:13:50 > 1:13:53And she didn't hit like a girl.
1:13:53 > 1:13:57Luckily, Fitzi was hiding behind a dumpster with a video camera.
1:13:57 > 1:14:00She worked you over pretty good.
1:14:00 > 1:14:04Yeah, well, don't get me wrong, I got some shots in.
1:14:04 > 1:14:05Ow!
1:14:08 > 1:14:11MAN CRIES
1:14:13 > 1:14:18Why? Ow! Oh, God, that hurt.
1:14:23 > 1:14:25Why did you...?
1:14:27 > 1:14:30- PHONE RINGS:- Hi, it's April. Leave me a message.
1:14:30 > 1:14:33It's Hildenberg. I found Jessica's body.
1:14:33 > 1:14:38It's in an alley. But we gotta move fast, the police are looking too.
1:14:38 > 1:14:41- Whoa! - CAT SCREECHES
1:14:56 > 1:14:58SNIFFLING AND CRYING
1:15:09 > 1:15:11Jessica?
1:15:18 > 1:15:21Not now, Booger.
1:15:21 > 1:15:24I knew it! Jessie, it is you!
1:15:27 > 1:15:30How come you didn't snitch on me?
1:15:30 > 1:15:33Cos you're my sister and I accept you for who you are.
1:15:34 > 1:15:37Come here.
1:15:41 > 1:15:44You are such a little weirdo. JESS SNIFFS
1:15:56 > 1:15:58# That's right Don't be looking at me like that
1:15:58 > 1:16:01# You see, my name is Grandma Funk, y'all
1:16:01 > 1:16:04# Funky if ya nasty, darling... #
1:16:04 > 1:16:08Oh, sweet as candy!
1:16:08 > 1:16:09< Ling-Ling!
1:16:10 > 1:16:13L to the I to the N to the G.
1:16:15 > 1:16:18Ling-Ling, you forgot your bling-bling.
1:16:18 > 1:16:22Mom, you're ruining my life.
1:16:22 > 1:16:25I just wanna meet you halfway.
1:16:27 > 1:16:29Nigger, please.
1:16:38 > 1:16:41I wish my mama got me some bling-bling.
1:16:41 > 1:16:44If you don't want her as your mama, I'll take her.
1:16:44 > 1:16:46BOTH: Girl, please!
1:17:05 > 1:17:08UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS
1:17:15 > 1:17:19- You still think I have a chance at prom queen?- No.- OK.
1:17:22 > 1:17:24Mom!
1:17:26 > 1:17:31I'm sorry. But why do you keep embarrassing me in front of my friends?
1:17:33 > 1:17:35You're not ashamed of me.
1:17:37 > 1:17:40You're really ashamed of yourself.
1:17:42 > 1:17:45Tell Lulu, "Easy on the chronic."
1:17:47 > 1:17:49RAP MUSIC PLAYS
1:18:00 > 1:18:03- PHONE RINGS - Ah! Ow!
1:18:08 > 1:18:10Hi, Carol.
1:18:11 > 1:18:14Jessica didn't get ready here.
1:18:15 > 1:18:17No.
1:18:17 > 1:18:19No, she hasn't been here all week.
1:18:22 > 1:18:25Oh, I knew it!
1:18:25 > 1:18:30Something is going on. I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
1:18:30 > 1:18:33If you ruin April's night, I'll have you put away.
1:18:33 > 1:18:37If you're not gonna help me, I'm gonna do it myself.
1:18:46 > 1:18:49CAR HORN BLARES
1:19:00 > 1:19:05I think this is a good spot. Jake's gotta come right by here.
1:19:05 > 1:19:08I don't care about Jake any more.
1:19:08 > 1:19:10You shouldn't. He's a jerk.
1:19:10 > 1:19:15- There's no-one I'd rather be with here tonight.- Me either.
1:19:17 > 1:19:21April, you look so beautiful tonight.
1:19:21 > 1:19:26- You've always been there for me. - You've always been there for me.
1:19:26 > 1:19:29Any guy would be so lucky to have you as their girlfriend.
1:19:29 > 1:19:34And I should know. I've been a guy for almost a week now.
1:19:34 > 1:19:37And in that time you have been such a good friend to me.
1:19:37 > 1:19:40I don't know how I could ever thank you.
1:19:45 > 1:19:46Here he comes!
1:19:51 > 1:19:55That dress looks great. Is it easy to get out of?
1:20:05 > 1:20:07- God!- Ah!
1:20:13 > 1:20:16I am so lesbian right now.
1:20:18 > 1:20:21We totally nailed him!
1:20:21 > 1:20:24Jake is so jealous!
1:20:24 > 1:20:29He spilled his drink all over his date. You should've seen it!
1:20:32 > 1:20:34We already got him, honey. He can't see us any...
1:20:39 > 1:20:45- Spence, I love you. - I love you, too, April.
1:20:45 > 1:20:49If you weren't holding onto me right now, I'd float away.
1:20:49 > 1:20:53You're my best friend and now you're a guy.
1:20:53 > 1:20:56It's meant to be.
1:21:00 > 1:21:06April, you don't need me or any guy
1:21:06 > 1:21:08to make you feel beautiful and special
1:21:08 > 1:21:10because you are.
1:21:10 > 1:21:14You are the greatest girl in the whole world.
1:21:16 > 1:21:18You are all you need.
1:21:18 > 1:21:21I know it's crazy but I can't help it.
1:21:21 > 1:21:24I'm in love with you, Spence.
1:21:51 > 1:21:53April...
1:21:55 > 1:21:57..are you gonna be OK?
1:21:57 > 1:22:01- I'm sorry.- Don't be.
1:22:04 > 1:22:08We're not gonna let a little thing like me turning into a man
1:22:08 > 1:22:11and you wanting me get in the way of our friendship?
1:22:19 > 1:22:22I'm in love with Billy.
1:22:23 > 1:22:25And if I'm gonna be stuck like this,
1:22:25 > 1:22:32he's just gonna have to accept me as I am - a man.
1:22:36 > 1:22:38That's my man.
1:22:41 > 1:22:44I think I know who's in Jessica's body.
1:22:44 > 1:22:46And I know where we can find him.
1:22:46 > 1:22:49Let's find Jessica and get outta here.
1:22:49 > 1:22:53Hildenberg, you know what to do. Come on.
1:22:56 > 1:22:59DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
1:23:02 > 1:23:03Whoa!
1:23:07 > 1:23:12- Come on! - That's huge!
1:23:12 > 1:23:15I didn't see it coming. No way, man.
1:23:16 > 1:23:18WHISTLES Scoot. He's mine.
1:23:18 > 1:23:21- Boy, I don't think so. - THUD!
1:23:22 > 1:23:25Get away!
1:23:25 > 1:23:28Billy, it's me, Jessica.
1:23:30 > 1:23:32It's always been me.
1:23:32 > 1:23:35Mister, you're freaking me out.
1:23:35 > 1:23:40You know, when I touch you there, it makes your whole leg tingle.
1:23:40 > 1:23:42And when I touch you here...
1:23:46 > 1:23:48No! No. No, it can't be.
1:23:48 > 1:23:51Do you remember after the homecoming game,
1:23:51 > 1:23:54after you threw the winning pass to beat Carlmont,
1:23:54 > 1:23:56you and I went behind the scoreboard and...?
1:24:13 > 1:24:16You gotta believe me.
1:24:18 > 1:24:22Silly...Billy...Nilly.
1:24:23 > 1:24:25Just close your eyes
1:24:25 > 1:24:28and you'll know it's me.
1:24:48 > 1:24:51I can't! I can't do it!
1:24:51 > 1:24:56- You said you'd love me no matter what.- You're a 30-year-old dude!
1:24:56 > 1:24:57Just on the outside!
1:24:59 > 1:25:02Billy! Billy.
1:25:02 > 1:25:04We found your body.
1:25:07 > 1:25:11- It'll be fine.- Are you sure she's all right? Booger! Hurry!
1:25:11 > 1:25:16Come on. You gotta learn to run in those if you're gonna wear 'em.
1:25:20 > 1:25:21# Oh...what...wow!
1:25:21 > 1:25:24- # He's the greatest dancer... # - There ya go, sweetheart.
1:25:27 > 1:25:29# ..I've ever seen Oh...what...wow
1:25:29 > 1:25:32# He's the greatest dancer
1:25:32 > 1:25:36- # Oh...what...wow... # - Oh, shit!
1:25:42 > 1:25:44I knew it was gonna be a good night.
1:25:44 > 1:25:46Ow! God!
1:25:46 > 1:25:50Thanks, Hildenberg. I want my body back right now!
1:25:50 > 1:25:53Well, finders keepers, sweetheart.
1:25:55 > 1:25:58How dare you!
1:25:58 > 1:26:00Do you know what this could do to my lungs?
1:26:00 > 1:26:04You gimme that earring! You gimme that earring.
1:26:04 > 1:26:07Give it to me. Give. Give it to me. OK. OK. OK.
1:26:07 > 1:26:11Sit down! Calm down! Calm down. I'll make ya a deal. OK?
1:26:14 > 1:26:16Now, just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, OK?
1:26:16 > 1:26:21And then I'll give you your body back cos it's so important to you.
1:26:21 > 1:26:23I'm crying about my body(!)
1:26:23 > 1:26:30You can loan it to me on weekends so I can pay off some debts.
1:26:30 > 1:26:34Weekends? Loan you my body?
1:26:34 > 1:26:38I want my body back! Give me my body back!
1:26:40 > 1:26:43Hey! Look at me.
1:26:43 > 1:26:45I'm only gonna tell you this once.
1:26:45 > 1:26:50No strangling the dancers, or you are outta here! Now, can't you read?
1:26:57 > 1:27:00This is more like it.
1:27:02 > 1:27:04I gotta hit the head.
1:27:09 > 1:27:11Hey, don't worry.
1:27:11 > 1:27:13We're gonna get him.
1:27:18 > 1:27:21- Hey, babe.- WHISTLES:- Sweetheart!
1:27:21 > 1:27:23Hey.
1:27:23 > 1:27:25No way!
1:27:25 > 1:27:29Jessica? This is where you've been?
1:27:29 > 1:27:33I want a dance from you. Yeah!
1:27:34 > 1:27:36Ugh!
1:27:38 > 1:27:41So, dancing naked must be fun, huh?
1:27:42 > 1:27:46Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't it be?
1:27:46 > 1:27:48Where do you keep your weed, though?
1:27:51 > 1:27:53Oh!
1:27:53 > 1:27:56That's good.
1:27:56 > 1:27:59I don't have one of those.
1:27:59 > 1:28:01Sure.
1:28:15 > 1:28:17Bye, Spence.
1:28:19 > 1:28:24- You'll always be my best friend. - Forever.
1:28:39 > 1:28:41- Billy?- Hi, Mrs Spencer.
1:28:42 > 1:28:46Mr Spencer. ..How's it going, Booger?
1:28:49 > 1:28:53This isn't the prom. Oh, my God!
1:28:55 > 1:28:59- Anything yet?- No.
1:29:02 > 1:29:07There it is. Come on. Shake it! You naughty honeybee. Yes, you are.
1:29:07 > 1:29:10Oh! Oh! Whoa!
1:29:11 > 1:29:14- Anything yet?- No.
1:29:14 > 1:29:16I'm all right. I'm...
1:29:16 > 1:29:21# ..More Than A Woman... #
1:29:26 > 1:29:28Oh. Oh!
1:29:34 > 1:29:36Hey, buddy, how 'bout a lap dance?
1:29:48 > 1:29:53Hey, can't you read? Monday night's gay night.
1:29:57 > 1:30:00What?
1:30:03 > 1:30:05It's me?
1:30:06 > 1:30:10Really? Oh!
1:30:12 > 1:30:14It is! It really is!
1:30:36 > 1:30:38Taquito?
1:30:43 > 1:30:45It's really you!
1:30:52 > 1:30:54Billy.
1:30:58 > 1:31:02- Listen. I am so sorry. - Doesn't matter.
1:31:02 > 1:31:06Nothing matters. I don't care about that other girl I took to the prom.
1:31:06 > 1:31:09I don't care what Jake thinks or that you took my money,
1:31:09 > 1:31:13stole my dad's car and tried to run me down with it.
1:31:13 > 1:31:15- No, I.... - None of that matters.
1:31:18 > 1:31:23I'll even try to find a way to get over your job as an exotic dancer.
1:31:28 > 1:31:32Billy, do you feel that?
1:31:34 > 1:31:39You are the only boy who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.
1:31:58 > 1:32:02I'm not pressing charges.
1:32:15 > 1:32:19Hey, you better get back on stage, little lady.
1:32:19 > 1:32:23The only place this little lady is going is home with me and my wife.
1:32:23 > 1:32:26What kind of a place do you think I'm running?!
1:32:26 > 1:32:31Class valedictorian - Keecia "Ling Ling" Jackson.
1:32:33 > 1:32:38First of all, I'd like to say, I'm very proud to be half Korean.
1:32:38 > 1:32:45Thank you, honey! But don't forget, you also one quarter Jewish!
1:32:45 > 1:32:48- Mazel tov, baby!- Shalom.
1:32:48 > 1:32:50# I'd do anything
1:32:50 > 1:32:54# Just to hold you in my arms... #
1:32:54 > 1:32:56Wait!
1:32:56 > 1:32:58Wait! TYRES SCREECH
1:33:03 > 1:33:08Hey, how's it going? Hey, thanks for helping me out. You're a good man.
1:33:08 > 1:33:11You're a good guy.
1:33:15 > 1:33:17# You'll never find
1:33:17 > 1:33:21- # Another love like mine... # - TYRES SCREECH
1:33:26 > 1:33:30Are you saying, people think I'm perfect?
1:33:36 > 1:33:37Sorry.
1:33:37 > 1:33:44Are you saying... people think I'm perfect?
1:33:51 > 1:33:53OK...OK.
1:33:53 > 1:33:55I think we got it.
1:33:55 > 1:33:57All right.
1:33:58 > 1:34:01# I'm glad that I have been with you
1:34:01 > 1:34:04# But that's not enough
1:34:04 > 1:34:10# In your arms I would be overjoyed as any boy
1:34:10 > 1:34:14# Holding on to what he loves
1:34:14 > 1:34:17# Oh, so much... #
1:34:33 > 1:34:36# ..The pain you felt has burdened you
1:34:36 > 1:34:39# You can't feel loved
1:34:39 > 1:34:43# I'm glad that I have been with you
1:34:43 > 1:34:45# But that's not enough... #