0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains very strong language.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30You know, relationships can be a lot like a loaf of bread.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32At the beginning, they're hot and fresh
0:00:32 > 0:00:34and you can always get a rise.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37But with time, if you don't knead them carefully,
0:00:37 > 0:00:38they grow old and stale.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Now, I know that life ain't no Easy-Bake Oven,
0:00:41 > 0:00:44but with the kids and my husband's job,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47it's almost as if we've forgotten to add the yeast.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48So I'm hoping this trip to Reno
0:00:48 > 0:00:50with our best friends Candy and Roy
0:00:50 > 0:00:52will be just what the doctor ordered.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54'F'.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56'L'.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58'O'.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Can't you see it, Darlene?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03No, it's kind of hard to make out.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09I think I'm just nervous, Doc,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12cos Lonnie Earl and I are going on vacation tomorrow
0:01:12 > 0:01:14and I'm not real good about leaving home.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25MAN: OK.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28All right, baby, move that sign.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30I'm trying to sell some cars here.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Hey, Lonnie Earl Dodd here.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Folks, it's time for our annual President's Day Blowout Sale,
0:01:34 > 0:01:36and, I tell you, I'm feeling rather patriotic.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39I guarantee we won't be undersold by anybody.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41And if you can't trust old Lonnie Earl Dodd,
0:01:41 > 0:01:43then you can't trust anybody.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48All right, Darlene, just go ahead
0:01:48 > 0:01:52and use one or two of those drops, if you feel the need,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55especially on that old I40 around the Mojave Desert.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58You just go on and have yourself a vacation.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- Thanks, Doc. - Roy.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Hey, Roy.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I've got to call Candy
0:02:06 > 0:02:08and see if she's bringing any nice clothes.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09- Is she home? - Yeah.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11But I can't find your husband.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13I've called the dealership, everywhere,
0:02:13 > 0:02:14and I can't rally him.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17You know Lonnie Earl. He's probably up to no good.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20If you can't trust me, who can you trust?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26You know if you can't trust me, Lonnie Earl...
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- Is there a problem? - You're damn right there is!
0:02:36 > 0:02:40How come you got to take a shower after, huh?
0:02:40 > 0:02:41You feel dirty?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Cos I sure as hell feel dirty.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Oh, my God, Lonnie Earl, we're filthy.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49I'm not. I'm zestfully clean.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- SCREAMS: - Oh, shit!
0:02:51 > 0:02:53How can you do that to me?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55One minute you're crying on my shoulder about Darlene,
0:02:55 > 0:02:57next you're bangin' me from behind.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59You said not to look at you.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03DOCTOR: I've got to send The sample over to the lab.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Turn your head and cough. COUGHS
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Don't waste your time worrying about it, though.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Y'all just go on and enjoy your vacation.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14I guess you're right, cos I know worrying about it
0:03:14 > 0:03:16ain't gonna change nothing, is it?
0:03:16 > 0:03:17That's right.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20So, er, what you all got lined up?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Lonnie Earl's got a bet with old Bill Moore
0:03:23 > 0:03:26that he can eat this giant 72-ounce steak in Amarillo.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Then we'll pop to the Grand Canyon
0:03:28 > 0:03:30cos Darlene's always wanted to see that.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32And you know what a partier Candy is.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34She's looking for the nightlife,
0:03:34 > 0:03:35the shows and the gambling.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37But the big thing is
0:03:37 > 0:03:39we got tickets to the Monster Truck Jam.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Yeah, yeah, that sounds like a big time.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45You know, Roy, I could send the test results
0:03:45 > 0:03:49over to Candy's folks, let them know when they come in.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52No, no, sir, I don't want them worrying or nothing
0:03:52 > 0:03:54so I'd like to be first to know.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Well, all right, then. I'll just wait to hear from you.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59And don't you worry.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I'll bet you that everything's going to be just fine.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06RADIO PLAYS, DOG WHINES
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Oh, do you have to go outside in this rain?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15C'mon, sweetie. C'mon.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- BOY: - It's a bird, it's a plane. No, it's Superman!
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Lane Aaron Dodd, get your ass down from there right now!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23But I'm Superman.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Your butt's gonna be super red if you don't get down.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- ROY: - Hey, good lookin'. - Jesus H. Christ, Roy!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- Don't do that! - I'm sorry, darling.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41You almost made me piss on the rug!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43I'm sorry. Why are you so jumpy?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46What are you doing here in the middle of the day?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Shouldn't you be at work?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Your daddy asked me to run some errands for him
0:04:50 > 0:04:54so I thought I'd stop by and see if you was ovulating.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Well, I don't know if I am or not.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Well, you're dressed like you should be ovulating.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- Huh? - Roy, not right now.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05You should go to work. Daddy will miss you.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Then there'd be lots of shit, and he'll get pissed off.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11It ain't possible for him not to get pissed off.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13He ain't gonna have no problem
0:05:13 > 0:05:15if he thinks we're making a grandbaby.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16- Roy... - Real quick. Just a little...
0:05:16 > 0:05:18I can't do this right now.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Sweetheart. - I have all this shit to do.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24I've gotta pack. We've gotta leave tomorrow, baby. Reno!
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Oh, all right.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Candy, what...
0:05:28 > 0:05:31..what the hell happened to our wedding picture?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35The cat. Too much catnip, you know?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- Murphy? - Yes.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39He must've mule kicked the damn...
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I have to tell you something. Come over here.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43- You ready? - What?
0:05:43 > 0:05:47OK, so I've been thinking and...
0:05:48 > 0:05:52..you know what I really want to do when we get to Reno?
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Huh?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I want to renew our wedding vows.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Why? What for?
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Because it's romantic, Roy.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10A lot of people get married where gambling is legal.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Well, one kind of does go with the other, don't it?
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Yes, baby.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18And it'd be so great
0:06:18 > 0:06:21cos it'll be like a brand-new start for us.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Like, if either one of us
0:06:23 > 0:06:26ever did anything in the past that we'd like to change...
0:06:27 > 0:06:29..it would just be erased.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Like, it won't count no more, OK?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Have I done something wrong I don't know about?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41If I did, I'm sorry.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Oh, honey, no. No.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- Well, what? - No, honey.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50It's just something that I really, really want to do.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57Picture it - Reno, with all the bright lights
0:06:57 > 0:06:59and all the action.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Oh, baby, it would be so perfect.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Please, please, please, please, please.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Well, hell, if it means that much to you, let's do it.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09SCREAMS IN DELIGHT
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Thank you, thank you, thank you.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14- ROY: Tell me. I hate surprises. - LONNIE EARL: See for yourself.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19No! You didn't.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- I did. I sure did. - SONG:- # Oh, yeah... #
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- Whoa! - # Oh, yeah... #
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Oh, my lord. You did! You horndog, you.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30See there. Ain't she a beaut?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Dealer exclusive. Anniversary special.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Roy, this son of a bitch has got everything on it
0:07:35 > 0:07:37except electric dick massage.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38I can't believe you, Lonnie Earl.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41We're really gonna take this son of a bitch cross-country?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- Hell, yeah. - It's got to cost a fortune.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Nothing's too good for my friends.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46We'll be riding, styling and profiling.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48The smell's lovely.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51That's probably that Corinthian leather, is what that is.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I would imagine.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- That's real leather? - Hell, yeah, it's real leather.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Dang me.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59You know, besides that, I had Jerome unhook the odometer.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Sell the sonofabitch like brand new when we get back.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04- See what I'm saying? - You're my hero.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- What do you think, Ronnie? - Sweet wheels.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08They are, ain't they?
0:08:09 > 0:08:11ROY: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Hey, you guys!
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Hey, Lonnie Earl. Where the hell have you been?
0:08:17 > 0:08:18I haven't seen you for days.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Yeah, well, they keep me hopping.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Oh, Lonnie Earl, I've gotta stop by work on the way uptown.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29What are you talking about?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Roy got in trouble with Daddy again. Just wants to see him.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Ain't nothin' to do with your daddy.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Yeah, well...
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Are you serious? - It ain't gonna take a minute.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40You see this?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43It's a TripTik. It's called a TripTik.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Now, I took the trouble to call AAA,
0:08:45 > 0:08:48have them figure out everything for us - the whole schedule.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50So we're sticking to it, OK?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Everybody needs to read that loud and clear, understand?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- Honey, don't get so uptight. - I'm not uptight.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Mr Kirkendall.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Mr Bush is mad as a riled up bull
0:09:12 > 0:09:13about that Beef Nibby thing.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16I didn't mean to use the wrong labels.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18I feel awful. I need this job.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- June. - What if he fires me?
0:09:20 > 0:09:21June, you listen to me.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23You ain't gonna get fired, I promise.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Everybody makes mistakes.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Hell, look at me. Just ask my momma, OK?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Good to see you, sweetie pie.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Lonnie Earl, that car's running great.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Thanks.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Darlene, you're looking beautiful, as always.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44- DARLENE: - Thank you, Fred.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Roy... you bumble-dick gourd-head.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Well, how about you, Fred? Nice morning, ain't it?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Damn it, boy, don't take that tone.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01I'll slap the taste out of your mouth.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Do you even have any inkling why you're here?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10Well...no.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I have got 200 cases of Ocean Delight
0:10:13 > 0:10:16that are labellled Beef and Cheese Nibbys.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Tell me how the hell something like that happens.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Oh, no.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23I am sorry. It is my fault.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I got the cans mixed up,
0:10:25 > 0:10:28and then Candy paged me and I had to...
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Well...
0:10:31 > 0:10:33..I forgot.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Why did you go ahead and ship them?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38I mean, we're talking about cat lovers here, boy.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40When a cat lover opens Beef and Cheese Nibbys,
0:10:40 > 0:10:43he expects to find Beef and Cheese Nibbys
0:10:43 > 0:10:44not fuckin' Ocean Delight!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- Understood? - Yes, sir.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52And just where in the hell were you yesterday afternoon
0:10:52 > 0:10:53when all this was happening?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55He was at the house.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58I needed him for something.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02Oh? Well, OK.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Why, what... Wasn't nothin' wrong, was there?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10No...see, no, sir.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12She's checking when she's ovulating
0:11:12 > 0:11:14because we know how much you want that grandbaby.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16So when she pages, I come.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Uh... I mean, I go.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24You know what I mean.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29I don't even want to think about that.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Just...just get the hell out of here.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35LONNIE EARL: I'm glad we're finally on the road.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Here's to a big old time.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Look out, Reno. We're gonna put some hair on the wall.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- SIREN WAILS - Shit on a stick!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59It's just Russell and Boyd.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01We'll be out of here in a heartbeat.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03All right, sir...
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Well, hey, Lonnie Earl. I didn't know that was you.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- Hi, everybody. - How about you, Russell?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- Boyd. - Hi, Candy.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Ooh-wee, man, this is one fine vehicle you got here.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Has that got that dick massage?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18No. Don't you start with me.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Listen, we're in kind of a hurry.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22We're going out of town on vacation.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- Whereabouts are you going? - Reno, Nevada.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27No shit? You all going to that Monster Truck Jam?
0:12:27 > 0:12:28You got it. Check this out.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Lucky sons of bitches.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32The biggest little city in the world.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33- Well, see there. - Uh-huh.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35That's if we get there in time.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38I'd love to talk to you all day,
0:12:38 > 0:12:41but we gotta get on the road, so just let us go.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Lonnie Earl, you know you ran that stop sign.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Hell, I've been running that son of a bitch
0:12:45 > 0:12:47since I've been driving.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Everybody runs that damn sign.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- I know I do. - ALL LAUGH
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- See? - Damn it, Boyd!
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Look, Lonnie Earl, I understand that and all,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58but you shouldn't do it in front of us.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Just look at you.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03You're drinking that beer like we're at the drive-in movies
0:13:03 > 0:13:05and I weren't wearing this here badge.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Russell, that's my first beer of the day, I swear.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09I'll vouch for him.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10- Me too, Boyd. - Me three.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Come on, Russ, everybody makes mistakes.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Come on, Russell. Shit.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18You know how fond of the beer you are.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20- Hey, now. - Isn't he, Boyd?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22I swear to God.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24What are you laughing at?
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Why don't I hop on top of this truck,
0:13:28 > 0:13:31unstrap a few cases and give it to you, call it even?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34I wouldn't call that even. I'd call that a bribe.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Buckle up!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44JAUNTY COUNTRY MUSIC
0:13:46 > 0:13:50# Stick shifts And safety belts
0:13:50 > 0:13:52# Bucket seats Have all got to go
0:13:52 > 0:13:56# When we're driving in the car
0:13:56 > 0:13:59# It makes my baby seem so far
0:13:59 > 0:14:03# I need you here with me
0:14:03 > 0:14:06# Not way over in a bucket seat
0:14:06 > 0:14:09# I need you to be here with me
0:14:09 > 0:14:13# Not way over In a bucket seat. #
0:14:23 > 0:14:25LONNIE EARL: If anybody's gotta piss, go now,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27because we won't stop for a while.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- ROY: - Shall I toss these bottles?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32We can get a deposit later. Just pump the gas.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Yes, sir.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Lonnie Earl, can I get some wine coolers?
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Why can't you drink beer like everybody else?
0:14:39 > 0:14:43It's full up in there. We ain't got room for wine coolers.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45I wouldn't mind having one of them wine coolers.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Buy some damn wine coolers, then.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Don't know why you like to drink them things. Sissy shit.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Hell, yeah, girls. You too, Roy. Just pile it the hell on there.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I've got plenty of money. I'm Mr Deep Pockets.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Anybody else want me to buy them anything while we're here?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09CANDY LAUGHS
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Ooh, look, Bob Barker is dating
0:15:11 > 0:15:13another one of them Barker beauties.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16That old man can't keep it in his pants.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19He oughta take his own advice and get it neutered.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- I say more power to him. - You would.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Well, at least he's gettin' some.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29Darlene. Hey, Darlene, it's an Oklahoma shot glass.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- They got one. You got one? - No, we don't.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33You'd better get it
0:15:33 > 0:15:35cos I doubt you'll find these suckers anywhere else.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38We don't need another damn shot glass. They just collect dust.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Just put that son of a bitch back.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43We have to make up some time before lunch.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Would you like me to help you bag up some of those?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- DARLENE:- Since Lonnie Earl planned the trip,
0:15:59 > 0:16:01he decided to stop in Amarillo
0:16:01 > 0:16:04so he could eat this 72-ounce steak.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Of course, his 50 bet with Bill Moore
0:16:06 > 0:16:08was the real reason we were stopping there.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10I swear, that husband of mine
0:16:10 > 0:16:12would do anything to save a buck.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15GRAND MUSIC
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- Ain't that pretty? - Oh, no.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Wait, Lonnie Earl, let me get the picture.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- My lord! - One more.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26You ready? Get closer to the meat.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27That is...that...
0:16:27 > 0:16:29..that is the ass end of a rhino.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32This is no bigger than a Papa Burger at A&W.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Easily handleable, all right?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36That hunk of meat's bigger than our cat.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38You're gonna be sick's what's gonna happen.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Nah, I got a plan.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Take your time, breeze through it,
0:16:41 > 0:16:43eat this other shit afterward, push it through.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Go with the flow, that kind of deal.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- You're gonna be sick. - Shut up, Darlene.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Look at all this meat. I get paid to eat it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52You'll be riding that porcelain pony.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Yeah, we'll see.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55- You gonna go? - First bite.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- There we go. - I'm ready.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05This is Mr Lonnie Earl Dodd from Millsberg,
0:17:05 > 0:17:09and he's going to try to eat this 72-ounce steak dinner.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12He has one hour to eat 72 ounces of meat,
0:17:12 > 0:17:15salad, shrimp, cocktail, baked potato and bread.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19If you'd like to look at this steak, come over.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21But don't ask too many questions.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23He only has an hour to do this.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Let's give Lonnie Earl a little round of encouragement.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30PATRONS APPLAUD
0:17:31 > 0:17:34DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE MUSIC
0:18:13 > 0:18:16OK, you've got 45 seconds.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Everybody give him a hand. He's going to make it.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23ALL APPLAUD AND CHEER
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Lonnie Earl Dodd!
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- READS:- "Big Texas State Ranch
0:18:30 > 0:18:32"72-Ounce Steak Club Achievement Award."
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Lonnie Earl Dodd.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37That's free and you get 50 bucks?
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Mm-hm. - This is so good.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Can I taste yours? - If I can have your cherry.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Sure you can. There you go.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45I can't eat this little red thing.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- I'll help you. - I knew you would.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50It's not like Lonnie Earl would help you.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53BOTH LAUGH
0:18:53 > 0:18:54- Lonnie Earl? - Lonnie Earl?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Look at this.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Come on. Come on, Lonnie Earl.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- You can do it. - I want to see you puke.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- Oh, he's faking. - It's not funny, Lonnie Earl.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07What is it, honey?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- You want another one? - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11You gonna throw up? Get that bucket.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- What's wrong? - Lean over, honey?
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- Lonnie Earl, put your arms up. - Get your hands off, homo!
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Don't fuss, Candy. He's going to be fine.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23You wanna throw up, Lonnie Earl? Can you breathe?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Oh, my God! I think he's dying!
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- Lonnie Earl, don't die! - He just needs another beer.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30BELCHES
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Hey, Julio, what's up?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34I brought something over for you and your father.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36SIREN WAILS
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Man, what is it?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40That's some good food, man. I fixed it myself.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I ain't eating none of that fungus.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- WOMAN: - You've got to take it easy.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Y'all make sure he drinks plenty of fluids.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58So, have a great rest of your trip and take care of yourself.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- And...don't forget this. - Oh, no, that's right.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Thanks a lot. - Take care of yourself.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Hi, hon. You all better?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Well, like you all would give a shit.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11OK, well, he just wanted me to check in with you,
0:20:11 > 0:20:13cos, you know, Doc, he don't trust nobody else,
0:20:13 > 0:20:16especially some snot-nosed little Texas doctor
0:20:16 > 0:20:18who ain't too long off the tit.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21But, listen, while I got you,
0:20:21 > 0:20:24what about them tests I had done?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Uh-huh.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28OK.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30OK, I will bet one for you.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36So doctor says that if you're still feeling puny tomorrow,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38you're supposed to mix
0:20:38 > 0:20:41a bunch of meat tenderiser and some water and drink it
0:20:41 > 0:20:43and you'll be fine.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Yeah, I'm sure I'll be fine.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Plus I'm 50 richer, right?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52And a hospital bill later.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Listen, if Bill Moore gives me shit about this bet,
0:20:55 > 0:20:57you're my witness, right?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- Damn straight. - OK.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03I know the boy.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06What were you were talking to Doc Tuley about?
0:21:06 > 0:21:08About some tests or something?
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Um...nothing.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Just insurance crap where they make you
0:21:11 > 0:21:15pee in a bottle all the time every time you turn around.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Are you going swimming or not?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22I don't think so. I'd sink like a cat in a bag.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Know what I think I'll do?
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Go to the souvenir shop and tease that rattlesnake.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28- LAUGHS:- That's a good idea.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Besides, Darlene will be back in a bit.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33She won't sneak in no hotel pool.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Sometimes when people are away from home,
0:21:36 > 0:21:39they do things they might not normally do.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I wish.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47SCHEMING MUSIC
0:21:47 > 0:21:48SOFTLY: All clear.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- WHISPERS: - I can't believe I'm doing this.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52CANDY: This is classy.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Something we're not used to it.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56God help us.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57CANDY SCREAMS EXCITEDLY
0:21:57 > 0:21:59LOUD SPLASH
0:22:00 > 0:22:02CANDY: Whoo!
0:22:02 > 0:22:03- DARLENE:- Oh, it's cold.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Whoa!
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Get in, Dar.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13BOTH CHUCKLE
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Whoo!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- SCREAMS:- Get away from me.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20What do you weigh? About 98 pounds wet?
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Shut up, Dar.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23You've got a great body.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25You just cover it up all the time.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Whatever.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Are you happy, Dar?
0:22:30 > 0:22:31- CHUCKLES SOFTLY:- I guess.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Why wouldn't I be?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Oh... I don't know.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I mean...
0:22:38 > 0:22:41..things just don't seem right between you two lately.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45I mean, I always believed you two were meant for each other.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Like...like Bert and Loni.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Well, not like them because they ain't married no more.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54But...but like, like...
0:22:54 > 0:22:55..Elvis and Priscilla.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Well, you know what I mean.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Is there something you know that I don't?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04No! No, no, no. No, Dar.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06No. I don't know anything.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11I just care about you guys so much, you know.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14And especially you, Dar, because you're my best friend.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Oh, honey...
0:23:16 > 0:23:19VOICE QUIVERS: Can't a friend try to help a friend?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Yeah. But, oh, honey, don't cry.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- DARLENE:- You fool.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Damn wine cooler has got me all emotional.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30GATE SWINGS OPEN
0:23:30 > 0:23:32SHOUTS LIKE TARZAN
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Oh, that hurt like hell.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- Candy... - Hmm?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Do you love Roy?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45CANDY CHUCKLES: Well...
0:23:47 > 0:23:51..I don't think I ever got the chance to fall in love with Roy.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55SIGHS: I guess it was more like nature took its own course.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Next thing I knew...
0:24:00 > 0:24:03..Roy was working for Daddy and we was married.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Like there wasn't any middle - just then and now.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Oh, shit.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11CANDY: What's wrong, Mark Spitz?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13You seem a little out of shape.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- ROY: - Well, them 12-oz curls have kinda taken their toll.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19BOTH GIRLS GIGGLE
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Oh. Oooh. I gotta go pee.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24I'm gonna go back to the hotel.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27- Darling? - I gotta go pee.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- I'm going back to the hotel. - Pee in the pool.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- I do it all the time. - CANDY: Oh, gross. Roy.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- You coming, Dar? - I think I'll swim a little.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39This was a pretty good idea, after all.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42See ya.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- DARLENE: - Whoo!
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- SIGHS CONTENTEDLY: - It feels good.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Whatcha doin', Roy?
0:25:03 > 0:25:06I got you a little something.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Oh, Roy. You didn't have to.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18I know. But Lady Luck usually has anything she wants.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24- DARLENE:- Getting to New Mexico, I was so excited.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27The Grand Canyon was just a day away.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- ROY: - You know what I'm lookin' forward to?
0:25:29 > 0:25:33It's that Robosaurus smashing in cars. That'll be something.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Robo what? What on earth is that?
0:25:35 > 0:25:39It's a ten-storey machine that squashes things.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Basically, a car dealer's nightmare.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- DARLENE: - What a thrill. - THUMP!
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Armadillo.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49You'd think they'd learn to stay out of the road.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51- Don't you know? - You ever seen one alive?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53ROY LAUGHS
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I'll be damned. 97.1 degrees. I think I'm ovulatin'.
0:25:56 > 0:25:5997.1 is what that library book said to look for.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Whoa.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02LONNIE EARL: Maybe it's just the heat.
0:26:02 > 0:26:0597.1, Lonnie. That's below normal temperature.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Well, she's pressing too close to the window.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09My window's up.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11According to this thermometer,
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Farmer Roy needs to plant his seed right now.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- Come on, baby. Pull over! - Candy, I...
0:26:16 > 0:26:18We ain't stopping at no motel.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Not now when we just got back on schedule.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Hey. Who said anything about a motel?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26PANTING AND GROANING
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Course you do realise that my schedule's gone to hell.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31It's freezing-ass cold out here
0:26:31 > 0:26:34and we're waiting on the damn carnival to be over.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37You're the one who wanted to vacation in January.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41You know about the July prices. I can't pay that kind of money.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44CANDY PANTS
0:26:45 > 0:26:46- CANDY:- Oh, baby!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50LONNIE EARL: Just like travelling with
0:26:50 > 0:26:52a damn high school biology experiment or something.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55What the hell is he doing to her?
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Something pretty good, I'd say.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Well, it's pissing me off.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02OK. That's it. I'm putting a stop to this shit. I don't care.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04You'll make a bigger scene than they are!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08All right. TAPS WINDOW
0:27:09 > 0:27:10- That'll be plenty. - What?
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Come on. We're leavin'.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:14 > 0:27:15Mission accomplished, sir.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17There goes the new car smell.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22You look kinda uptight, Lonnie Earl. You want me to drive?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25No, I don't want you to drive. I'm the driver.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Just give us a couple of beers, I'll be fine.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29- Hey, hon. - CANDY:- Hmm?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Can you grab us some beers
0:27:31 > 0:27:32without spilling any of them tadpoles?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34I sure can, sugar kitten.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Thank you.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46I'm glad we stopped here.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50They've got a sign over that toilet -
0:27:50 > 0:27:53says it's the cleanest bathroom along I40.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56We stay in Kingman tonight, we'd be back on schedule.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58I thought we were stopping at the Grand Canyon tonight
0:27:58 > 0:28:00and looking at it tomorrow?
0:28:00 > 0:28:02We can't do that because our travelling sex-show
0:28:02 > 0:28:04has put us behind schedule.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- Then why did we stop here? - Because we had to eat.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09And this fits in. OK?
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Besides, the Grand Canyon's just a big, old hole in the ground.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15You can look out the window and see a big hole.
0:28:15 > 0:28:20That ain't the same. I think it'd be nice to see it.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24I wouldn't mind riding one of them jackasses down the sucker.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28Damn it. That's the one thing I wanted to do on this trip.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31I told you I wanted to see it since second grade
0:28:31 > 0:28:33when Ms Beachner told us about it.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36She said everyone thought God rested on the seventh day
0:28:36 > 0:28:39but really he was working on his hobby, carving the canyon.
0:28:39 > 0:28:40That's sweet, but if you remember,
0:28:40 > 0:28:43Ms Beachner also kept her shit in a shoebox, remember?
0:28:43 > 0:28:47So I don't know if that's the greatest authority in the world.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Let's go.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53DEJECTED MUSIC
0:29:06 > 0:29:08LOUD GROANING AND PANTING
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Good God. That girl's gonna wake the dead in there.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13GROANING CONTINUES
0:29:13 > 0:29:16If this happens every time she reaches a certain temperature,
0:29:16 > 0:29:17I'm going to get mad.
0:29:17 > 0:29:21Why does it bother you so much? It's for a good cause.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23It's just that they take so damn long.
0:29:23 > 0:29:25They don't even think about us.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27The least he can do is tiger fuck her.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29You know I don't like that talk.
0:29:29 > 0:29:33Just get up behind her, bite her neck, in and out and it's done.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35How romantic(!)
0:29:35 > 0:29:37What do you know about romance?
0:29:40 > 0:29:43MELANCHOLY MUSIC
0:29:44 > 0:29:47I'm sorry, honey. I'm just...
0:29:48 > 0:29:51Look, face it. When was the last time we did it?
0:29:51 > 0:29:53That's not romance.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57If that's all you care about,
0:29:57 > 0:30:00then just go ahead and do it with someone else.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Is this about the Grand Canyon?
0:30:08 > 0:30:11No, it's not. Good grief!
0:30:12 > 0:30:16Well, then, what's it about? Why don't you talk to me?
0:30:16 > 0:30:18I'm your husband. You can talk to me.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Honey, listen. This is hard on me too.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31For the last couple of years,
0:30:31 > 0:30:33every time I try something with you,
0:30:33 > 0:30:34you've got some damn excuse.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39You don't know how it feels.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43And besides that, I'm about to explode.
0:30:45 > 0:30:46I am. SNIFFS
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Tell me the truth. Is it me?
0:30:57 > 0:30:58No.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00It's me.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07What are we going to do about that?
0:31:07 > 0:31:11Like I said, maybe we could see that woman in Little Rock.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13I'm ain't going to no shrink.
0:31:13 > 0:31:17She'd make us sit there, and charge an arm, a leg and a nut
0:31:17 > 0:31:20to say the shit that we're saying to each other here.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23But she mightn't let you say something like you just said.
0:31:23 > 0:31:24What did I say?
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Well, if you can't hear yourself,
0:31:26 > 0:31:29then how are you gonna hear me?
0:31:30 > 0:31:33MELANCHOLY MUSIC
0:31:41 > 0:31:43This bed sags in the middle.
0:31:43 > 0:31:45We'll wind up laying in a puddle.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48It sure as hell ain't no sort of perfect sleeper.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51Would you all quit bitching? The bed's fine.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56- ROY: - Goodnight, John-Boy. - LONNIE EARL: Kiss my ass.
0:31:56 > 0:31:58ROY LAUGHS AND FARTS
0:31:58 > 0:32:01- DARLENE:- Oh, my God. That's awful!
0:32:01 > 0:32:03CANDY LAUGHS: Oh, Roy! ALL LAUGH:
0:32:03 > 0:32:05That's disgusting!
0:32:08 > 0:32:10- ROY: - Smell it.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13LIVELY MUSIC
0:32:18 > 0:32:21ALL SING: # Hey, now, Sloopy
0:32:21 > 0:32:23# Sloopy, hang on
0:32:26 > 0:32:31# Sloopy lives In a very bad part of town
0:32:31 > 0:32:33# Bad part of town... #
0:32:33 > 0:32:36STEVIE WONDER'S 'HIGHER GROUND' PLAYS
0:32:36 > 0:32:38# People
0:32:39 > 0:32:42# Keep on turning
0:32:44 > 0:32:46- # Teachers... CANDY:- Teachers.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49- SINGS:- # Keep on teaching
0:32:51 > 0:32:53# Lovers...
0:32:53 > 0:32:54- CANDY:- Keep on lovin'!
0:32:54 > 0:32:57ALL SING: # Keep on lovin'
0:32:57 > 0:32:59That's songwriting!
0:32:59 > 0:33:00- # Believers... CANDY:- Keep on believing!
0:33:00 > 0:33:04- # Keep on believing! GIRLS:- Whoo!
0:33:06 > 0:33:08- # Sleepers... CANDY:- Keep on sleepin'!
0:33:08 > 0:33:11# Just stop sleeping, yeah!
0:33:11 > 0:33:14# Cos it won't be too long...
0:33:14 > 0:33:17- ROY: - It won't be too long. - CANDY:- It won't be long.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24# I'm so glad That He let me try it again
0:33:24 > 0:33:28# Cos my last time on Earth I lived a whole world of sin
0:33:28 > 0:33:31# I'm so glad that I know more Than I knew then
0:33:31 > 0:33:34# Gonna keep on tryin'
0:33:34 > 0:33:36# Till I reach the highest ground
0:33:39 > 0:33:40# Whoo!
0:33:41 > 0:33:45# Till I reach the highest ground
0:33:48 > 0:33:51# No-one's gonna bring me down
0:33:54 > 0:33:55# Oh, no
0:33:55 > 0:33:59# Till I reach the highest ground... #
0:34:01 > 0:34:02Oh, my God.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08- DARLENE: - Tony Orlando's here. - LONNIE: Who?
0:34:08 > 0:34:11Tony Orlando's here. We've gotta go see him.
0:34:11 > 0:34:14- ROY:- Do you reckon he split up with Dawn?
0:34:14 > 0:34:17LONNIE: Honey, we'll have to see if we've got time.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19- We gotta make time. - I said we'd see.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24I ain't never stayed overnight in a city this big before.
0:34:26 > 0:34:29I'd sure hate to get lost here.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32Don't get all nerved up, honey. We'll have a good time.
0:34:32 > 0:34:35It's like back home. There's just a lot more of it.
0:34:35 > 0:34:39EXCITING MUSIC
0:34:55 > 0:34:56CANDY AND DARLENE GASP
0:34:56 > 0:34:59- I'll be darned. - This is the Shamrock Suite.
0:34:59 > 0:35:00- ROY:- Whoa! Whoa!
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Oh...honey!
0:35:04 > 0:35:06I knew this'd be the perfect place to get remarried.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09I'll carry you over the threshold, baby.
0:35:11 > 0:35:14PORTER: Both bedrooms have their own private entrance.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17Look at that tub! It's like a swimming pool.
0:35:17 > 0:35:18Oh, my God!
0:35:18 > 0:35:21We're here, baby. We're actually here!
0:35:21 > 0:35:24Mmm. This is romantic.
0:35:24 > 0:35:25- ROY: - Look at that.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29This door leads to the adjoining bedroom.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31Oh, my God. We're neighbours!
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Oh, Candy, you've got to see this view.
0:35:33 > 0:35:37Oh, wow! We have the same over there.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40- OK. - Take a picture of me.
0:35:40 > 0:35:42- CANDY: OK. - Like a supermodel, OK?
0:35:42 > 0:35:44Oh, I don't look like Cindy Crawford.
0:35:44 > 0:35:46- I can take some pictures. - CANDY: That's OK.
0:35:46 > 0:35:48Hey, y'all. Check it out. Check it out!
0:35:48 > 0:35:51Hugh Hefner - international playboy.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53Show me your tatas in cloth of terry.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55Do we get to keep these things?
0:35:55 > 0:35:58I've been known to look the other way.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00- Whoa-ho. All right. - MUMBLES: For something.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02Thank you.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04Oh, my God. It's Shania Twain!
0:36:04 > 0:36:05Come on!
0:36:05 > 0:36:07- DARLENE: - She's so goddamn hot!
0:36:08 > 0:36:11# Any man of mine...
0:36:11 > 0:36:12Whoo!
0:36:13 > 0:36:15Goddamn champagne!
0:36:15 > 0:36:18# Well, any man of mine better disagree
0:36:18 > 0:36:21# When I say another woman's lookin' better than me...
0:36:21 > 0:36:24Whoa. Hey, y'all, they've got 24-hour room service.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27You mean you can get anything any time you want?
0:36:27 > 0:36:29PORTER: Yes, sir. Any time. Just dial 49.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31Darlene, who am I?
0:36:34 > 0:36:36PORTER: I guess you won't need any Pabsts.
0:36:36 > 0:36:38- That will last me an hour and a half. - LAUGHS
0:36:38 > 0:36:43- BOTH SING:- # ..breathtakin', Earthquakin' kind
0:36:43 > 0:36:46There's your curtain remote and your key.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48All right. Thank you.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50All right. If there's nothing else, I'll be going.
0:36:50 > 0:36:54Of course the chocolates are free.
0:36:54 > 0:36:55- Ching ching.- CHUCKLES
0:36:55 > 0:36:57I'm going to go, then.
0:36:57 > 0:36:59While you're here, I want to ask you one question.
0:36:59 > 0:37:02I understand that the hookers in Nevada are free.
0:37:02 > 0:37:03Is that right?
0:37:03 > 0:37:05- Legal. - Not free?
0:37:05 > 0:37:07No.
0:37:07 > 0:37:08All right.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11Like I said, I'm on my way out.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13I got the luggage, unpacked it,
0:37:13 > 0:37:15you got the explanation of the menu...
0:37:15 > 0:37:18That's it. OK. I'm gonna go.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21I'll be at the bell captain's station if you need anything.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23Oh, OK. I get you.
0:37:23 > 0:37:24You want your dollar.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26Here.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Wow. OK.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Straight to the casino.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Unless you wanted change.
0:37:33 > 0:37:34BOTH SING: # Shimmy, shake
0:37:34 > 0:37:36# Make the earth quake
0:37:36 > 0:37:38# Kick, turn, stomp, stomp
0:37:38 > 0:37:40# And then you jump! #
0:37:42 > 0:37:44If I get to go to Tony Orlando,
0:37:44 > 0:37:47should I wear my hair up or down?
0:37:47 > 0:37:48Hmm. Let me see.
0:37:50 > 0:37:51- You know what? - What?
0:37:51 > 0:37:53You know what I think would be great?
0:37:53 > 0:37:56If you put it like this. Yeah.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58LONNIE EARL: You son of a bitch.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Jesus H Christ.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03What is it with you and Tony Orlando, anyway?
0:38:03 > 0:38:06Oh. He's always been like my guardian angel.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08You see, when I was in fifth grade,
0:38:08 > 0:38:10I caught Geoff Martin cheatin' on me.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12And my momma knew I was depressed
0:38:12 > 0:38:15so she let me spend the night at Deanna Stewart's house
0:38:15 > 0:38:17to watch the Jerry Lewis telethon.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20Anyway, they were up to about 8 million in donations
0:38:20 > 0:38:24when out walked this dark, handsome man with a moustache
0:38:24 > 0:38:28and a smile that could light up all of Branson.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31And I just knew he was somethin' special.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35I had something like that for Chuck Woolery one time.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40Anyway, when he sang...
0:38:40 > 0:38:45# Knock three times on The ceiling if you want me... #
0:38:45 > 0:38:49It was like he was singing it right to me,
0:38:49 > 0:38:53like he knew I needed to hear it right then.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57And he's had a special place in my heart ever since.
0:38:57 > 0:39:01Oh. That's so sweet.
0:39:02 > 0:39:04THUMP!
0:39:05 > 0:39:07- You know what I think we need? - What?
0:39:07 > 0:39:09Some serious pink lips.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11LAUGHS
0:39:11 > 0:39:13I'll go and get my pink lipstick, OK?
0:39:13 > 0:39:16- CRASH! - You OK?
0:39:18 > 0:39:20EXHALES
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Yeah. I think I'm fine.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24I just... I got up too quick, maybe.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Well, I'll get it.
0:39:29 > 0:39:33You sure you feel OK, hon? You are lookin' a little peaky.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35- CANDY: - Oh, I'm fine.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38I'm going to sit in here for a little bit.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41- Can I do something? - CANDY:- No.
0:39:41 > 0:39:43I probably just drank too much.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45You go on down. I'll meet up with you later.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Let's shoot off and fly, guys.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50I thought we was going downstairs. What's the deal?
0:39:50 > 0:39:53You all go on. We'll catch up with you later.
0:39:53 > 0:39:57You know what we ought to do? You and me take a bubble bath.
0:39:57 > 0:39:58What do you say?
0:39:58 > 0:40:01You know better than that. I don't take bubble baths.
0:40:03 > 0:40:04Of course you don't.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06I forgot.
0:40:06 > 0:40:10Well, you know, that tub is big enough for all of us.
0:40:10 > 0:40:11- CANDY: - Oh, great, Roy.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14Just jump on the bandwagon, you dumbass.
0:40:14 > 0:40:17LAUGHS
0:40:17 > 0:40:18Yeah, I am dumb.
0:40:18 > 0:40:22You guys definitely make me clear of that on a daily basis.
0:40:22 > 0:40:24Dumb, dumb ass, dumb shit,
0:40:24 > 0:40:26dipshit, shithead, shithole, shit for brains...
0:40:26 > 0:40:28- Dildo. - Dildo...
0:40:28 > 0:40:31You know, would it be possible to have
0:40:31 > 0:40:33a "let's not pick on Roy" day?
0:40:38 > 0:40:39Let's go downstairs.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41OK.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43I-I'm sorry.
0:40:44 > 0:40:45SIGHS
0:40:52 > 0:40:54- Darlene. - Mm-hm?
0:40:54 > 0:40:56What do you mean you don't take bubble baths?
0:40:56 > 0:40:58It gives my pootah an infection
0:40:58 > 0:41:01that stings worse than a swarm of bees.
0:41:01 > 0:41:02CHUCKLES
0:41:03 > 0:41:05- SIGHS: - Oh, honey, I wasn't born yesterday.
0:41:05 > 0:41:09I know something's wrong. You can talk to me, you know that.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11- Don't start that again. - Darlene, I'm your best friend.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13- I know. - Just drop it!
0:41:13 > 0:41:17I know you mean well, hon. But just...stop.
0:41:23 > 0:41:24OK.
0:41:24 > 0:41:27SYNTHESISED POP MUSIC
0:41:37 > 0:41:39I don't know about this.
0:41:39 > 0:41:42This thing looks a bit too much like a sinus infection.
0:41:46 > 0:41:48I tell you what.
0:41:48 > 0:41:50They say they're one hell of aphrodilliac.
0:41:51 > 0:41:53GIGGLES
0:41:53 > 0:41:55Aphrodisiacs.
0:41:56 > 0:41:57Oh, ye...
0:41:57 > 0:41:59- LAUGHS:- Oh, dear.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02Thank you, ma'am.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05Actually, they're, er... Mother Nature's Viagra.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07LAUGHS GOOFILY
0:42:08 > 0:42:10Roy, don't be such a damn idiot, OK?
0:42:10 > 0:42:11You make us look stupid.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14Everybody knows what that word is.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21Not bad.
0:42:21 > 0:42:23Hey, can we get a couple of Pabsts?
0:42:23 > 0:42:25Mm-hm.
0:42:28 > 0:42:31And bring him a shot too, will you? Some kind of whisky.
0:42:31 > 0:42:33Well, you need you a shot.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35I had 140 beers.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37But...
0:42:38 > 0:42:40..I do have too much blood in my alcohol content.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42See there.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45I'm just trying to help you cut the...whatever those things are.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47SIGHS
0:42:48 > 0:42:51God knows I don't need any of them.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56Oh. You mean you and Dar?
0:42:56 > 0:42:59It's just a phase you guys are going through.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02No, it's more than a phase. It's way past a phase.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04It's a lot more serious than you might think.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06You know, you're always going to be together.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09You've always worked it out. You will now.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12I've given it a lot of thought lately, to tell you the truth.
0:43:12 > 0:43:15Not that that's what I want, you know.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17She just don't get it. I don't know.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20A man's got needs, you know.
0:43:20 > 0:43:22Well, everybody's got needs.
0:43:22 > 0:43:23Well, don't be going out
0:43:23 > 0:43:26thinking about getting no nooky on the side.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Who said I was thinking about that?
0:43:28 > 0:43:32Darlene's a great lady. You don't need to be doing that.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34I would never do that.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36I just got a tingle.
0:43:36 > 0:43:38I'm going to get some more of these suckers.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41I'm having a hard time keeping up with Candy.
0:43:41 > 0:43:42I'll be back.
0:43:43 > 0:43:46Oh, look! It's one of them theme weddings!
0:43:46 > 0:43:49Oh, ain't that sweet, Darlene?
0:43:49 > 0:43:54That's it! That's what Roy and I need!
0:43:54 > 0:43:56- What? - A theme wedding!
0:43:56 > 0:43:58I'd be Dorothy.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01A-And he could be that tin guy.
0:44:01 > 0:44:06And we could have midgets for bridesmaids.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09Why would you dress up like that for a wedding?
0:44:09 > 0:44:11Cos it's romantic!
0:44:31 > 0:44:33- Come down here, didn't I? - Huh?
0:44:33 > 0:44:36I said I came down here, didn't I?
0:44:36 > 0:44:38- You did. - Yeah.
0:44:39 > 0:44:42Now...you might have to twist my arm, but...
0:44:42 > 0:44:45..I'll go up to your room with you.
0:44:48 > 0:44:50I don't think you could handle me.
0:44:50 > 0:44:51Oh, honey, I could handle it.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53There's no doubt about it.
0:44:53 > 0:44:56Well... I don't think you could afford it.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58What the hell does that mean?
0:44:58 > 0:45:02It means I see your type come through here all the time.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04All blow and no dough.
0:45:04 > 0:45:05Is that a fact?
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Let me show you something, honey.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15See that? Know what that is, baby?
0:45:15 > 0:45:17A shoe?
0:45:17 > 0:45:19Well, yeah, it is.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22It's also two months rent.
0:45:25 > 0:45:26Well...
0:45:30 > 0:45:31See you there?
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Rent must be very cheap.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48That was a really shitty thing to say to somebody.
0:45:48 > 0:45:50# The old grey mare
0:45:50 > 0:45:52# Just ain't What she used to be
0:45:52 > 0:45:55# Ain't what She used to be... #
0:45:55 > 0:45:57- MAN IN BAND: - OK, everybody, we're back.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00Kiss my ass.
0:46:02 > 0:46:05They come over here and just...
0:46:05 > 0:46:06..take over the damn country.
0:46:06 > 0:46:08Why not?
0:46:09 > 0:46:12Fuck her, she was a lesbian anyway. I could tell.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14She ain't no lesbian, she's too pretty.
0:46:14 > 0:46:16Son, there's all kinds of lesbians.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Pretty ones, ugly ones, all kinds, you know.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20She had lesbian energy. That's all I know.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23I'm a lesbian in a man's body.
0:46:23 > 0:46:26Tell you what got it all started was that damn Gloria Steinem
0:46:26 > 0:46:28when she started all that women's lib crap.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30It was her and Helen Reddy
0:46:30 > 0:46:33and that tennis player that beat Bobby Riggs that time.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35Let's don't forget Helen Gurley Brown.
0:46:35 > 0:46:37You know what they do, don't you?
0:46:37 > 0:46:39They sit around the house all day readin' girly magazines.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42Like Women's Day and Red Book and all that mess.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44- And TV. - Hell, yeah.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47Start cryin' with Oprah all damn afternoon.
0:46:47 > 0:46:49Then by the time you get home from work,
0:46:49 > 0:46:51shit, they'd rather fight than fuck.
0:46:51 > 0:46:53Hmm?
0:46:53 > 0:46:54I guess, you know...
0:46:54 > 0:46:57..I'm a pretty lucky man, because Candy
0:46:57 > 0:47:00has always had a very healthy appetite for old Gunther here.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03You know, I kinda wonder sometimes
0:47:03 > 0:47:05if she ain't borderline nympho.
0:47:05 > 0:47:06But she ain't always as...
0:47:06 > 0:47:09..wild and stuff as she's been lately.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12She don't always scream and holler like that, does she?
0:47:12 > 0:47:13- She sure does. - No, she don't.
0:47:13 > 0:47:15- Yes, she does. - No, she don't.
0:47:15 > 0:47:19I mean...you're kiddin' me. No, she don't. Does she?
0:47:19 > 0:47:22You know, sometimes it can be downright embarrassing.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25Other times it can make you feel like
0:47:25 > 0:47:27you're Studley Do-Right, you know, you're the man!
0:47:27 > 0:47:29Know what I'm saying?
0:47:29 > 0:47:31But, ah... I gotta pee. I'll be back.
0:47:37 > 0:47:38SIGHS: Oh, shit.
0:47:38 > 0:47:42- DARLENE: - Card readin'...
0:47:42 > 0:47:43..Madam Zora...
0:47:43 > 0:47:46Oh, come on, let's go see what the future says!
0:47:46 > 0:47:49Oh, no! It's kinda scary, I don't like it!
0:47:49 > 0:47:50Come on!
0:47:50 > 0:47:53This is very telling.
0:47:53 > 0:47:56See, the queen depicts a strong slant to your feminine side.
0:47:58 > 0:48:00- Hmm. - Feminine side.
0:48:00 > 0:48:03Could you be expecting?
0:48:07 > 0:48:09I'm gonna take all of these.
0:48:09 > 0:48:11I'm not taking any chances tonight.
0:48:13 > 0:48:16Hell, you know what? Gimme three of them Butter Fingers.
0:48:17 > 0:48:18- DARLENE:- So, are you excited?
0:48:18 > 0:48:20ROY: About what?
0:48:20 > 0:48:21The pregnancy test!
0:48:21 > 0:48:24Oh... I dunno...
0:48:24 > 0:48:28I just don't understand why she thinks she is now.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30She ain't even missed her... thing, or nothin'.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33Well, I'm gonna let you in on a little female secret.
0:48:33 > 0:48:36Sometimes you just know, even before you miss your thing.
0:48:37 > 0:48:40You know, I'm not buying all that screaming and moaning shit
0:48:40 > 0:48:43you been doing, just so you know.
0:48:43 > 0:48:45What the hell are you talking about?
0:48:45 > 0:48:48Don't bullshit me, Candy. You know what I'm talking about.
0:48:48 > 0:48:50You're still mad about our little fling,
0:48:50 > 0:48:53you're doing all that shit for my benefit, I get it.
0:48:53 > 0:48:55Doing what?
0:48:55 > 0:48:58Screamin' like a stuck hog with your husband when y'all do it.
0:48:58 > 0:49:00But it ain't workin'. It's a bad actin' job.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04Who's actin'?
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Huh.
0:49:08 > 0:49:12Well...all I know is that you don't make all that racket
0:49:12 > 0:49:14when you and me do it.
0:49:14 > 0:49:16Well, you figure that out, Sherlock.
0:49:20 > 0:49:23TOILET FLUSHES
0:49:28 > 0:49:29ROY: So?
0:49:29 > 0:49:33Well, I've peed in a cup, on a stick, on my hand,
0:49:33 > 0:49:36I got lines and crosses, and...
0:49:38 > 0:49:39..they all say the same thing.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44Yes.
0:49:44 > 0:49:45Yeah?
0:49:46 > 0:49:48Candy...
0:49:48 > 0:49:49No...baby...
0:49:49 > 0:49:51..did you...did you hear...
0:49:51 > 0:49:52- Yeah?! - Yeah!
0:49:52 > 0:49:54Oh, can you hold that?
0:49:54 > 0:49:59You mean we're gonna have a baby? Oh, baby doll!
0:49:59 > 0:50:00Oh, I love you!
0:50:02 > 0:50:05- You happy? - Yeah. Are you?
0:50:05 > 0:50:07You sure?
0:50:07 > 0:50:08Mm-hm.
0:50:08 > 0:50:11- I love you. - I love you, baby, I love you.
0:50:11 > 0:50:13I love you so much.
0:50:23 > 0:50:26# Baby got goin' On a Southern train, you know
0:50:26 > 0:50:28# Fired up pistons Drivin' below
0:50:28 > 0:50:31# And the whole vibration Seat upholstery... #
0:50:31 > 0:50:32- Beer. - Beer.
0:50:32 > 0:50:37# Conductor, let's roll Let's roll... #
0:50:37 > 0:50:39- Beer. - Light beer.
0:50:43 > 0:50:45Oh, my God! I won!
0:50:45 > 0:50:47# My baby got goin' on the train
0:50:47 > 0:50:50# My baby got goin' on the train
0:50:50 > 0:50:52# My baby got goin' on the train... #
0:50:52 > 0:50:54Whoo!!
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Again!
0:50:56 > 0:50:58I got 21!
0:51:14 > 0:51:16ROY: Oh, my God, it's alive! SCREAMS
0:51:16 > 0:51:17Where'd it go?
0:51:17 > 0:51:19- It's gone. - Where'd he go?
0:51:19 > 0:51:21Why is it flat? LAUGHS
0:51:21 > 0:51:23You think I can hear him?
0:51:23 > 0:51:25- I think maybe you could. - OH!
0:51:25 > 0:51:28Little sucker kicks like a mule! LAUGHS
0:51:31 > 0:51:34- Hey, honey? - Mm-hm?
0:51:34 > 0:51:37Could you come sit by me for a minute?
0:51:38 > 0:51:40Sure.
0:51:46 > 0:51:47All right, here's the deal.
0:51:47 > 0:51:50Um...
0:51:50 > 0:51:53..I did pretty good tonight... you know, gambling.
0:51:53 > 0:51:55Won a little extra money, that kinda thing.
0:51:55 > 0:51:57It's nice, huh?
0:51:57 > 0:51:59And, um...
0:51:59 > 0:52:03..well, I got this deal that, er...
0:52:03 > 0:52:06Maybe it's not... I dunno if it's down your alley or not.
0:52:06 > 0:52:10It's just, er... a little something I got...
0:52:10 > 0:52:12Anyhow, well, there.
0:52:12 > 0:52:14It's for you, and everything.
0:52:16 > 0:52:18I hope you like it, I dunno.
0:52:18 > 0:52:21I'm not real good at pickin' shit out, you know?
0:52:21 > 0:52:24Just, you know, a girl kinda thing.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25GASPS
0:52:29 > 0:52:30You like it?
0:52:31 > 0:52:34- Lonnie Earl... - Bracelet.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38It's beautiful.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44It's not as beautiful as you are.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47SENTIMENTAL MUSIC
0:53:26 > 0:53:27Close the door.
0:53:29 > 0:53:31Oh, yeah.
0:53:31 > 0:53:34I'll be right back. Don't move.
0:53:43 > 0:53:45- CANDY: - Well, look at you two lovebirds.
0:53:45 > 0:53:47Y'all hear that earthquake last night?
0:53:47 > 0:53:48LAUGHS
0:53:52 > 0:53:54You want some coffee, hon?
0:53:56 > 0:53:59Hey, son, you better get in here. Your eggs'll get crusty.
0:53:59 > 0:54:01How's it possible?
0:54:01 > 0:54:03Can't find any midgets.
0:54:03 > 0:54:07You might try under "L" for "little people".
0:54:10 > 0:54:12Honey, hurry up.
0:54:12 > 0:54:14I gotta see if we can book that chapel.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16OK. Bye.
0:54:16 > 0:54:20I swear to God, if I don't get any midgets, I'll be so upset.
0:54:20 > 0:54:23I can't have this wedding without midgets!
0:54:23 > 0:54:26You'll have a beautiful wedding no matter what.
0:54:29 > 0:54:31- What's wrong, honey? - Uh...
0:54:31 > 0:54:34That was... I was just talkin' to Doc Tuley, and, um...
0:54:34 > 0:54:36..he just told me that, er...
0:54:36 > 0:54:38..um...
0:54:38 > 0:54:40..er, he said I can't have babies.
0:54:40 > 0:54:41SNIGGERS
0:54:44 > 0:54:45That's funny. That's cute, baby.
0:54:45 > 0:54:48What do you mean, we can't have babies?
0:54:48 > 0:54:50No...not "we" - ME.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53See, I didn't tell you cos I-I didn't want you worrying.
0:54:53 > 0:54:56But I had some fertility tests done
0:54:56 > 0:54:58cos, you know, we been tryin'
0:54:58 > 0:55:00and, you know, weren't gettin' nowhere, and...
0:55:01 > 0:55:04..well, anyway, the tests came back from Little Rock,
0:55:04 > 0:55:07and...my tadpoles ain't swimmin'.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09Roy, it's just a mistake. They made a mistake.
0:55:09 > 0:55:13Because...in case you forgot... I'm definitely pollinated.
0:55:13 > 0:55:15No, they said it's a for-sure thing.
0:55:15 > 0:55:17Honey, it can't be a for-sure thing.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20Damn it, they sent the samples off to a danged laboratory,
0:55:20 > 0:55:22they ain't gonna be wrong in a laboratory.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25They gotta be wrong, because I can't be pregnant. Unless...
0:55:31 > 0:55:32What was that?
0:55:33 > 0:55:35What was what?
0:55:35 > 0:55:36- That look. - What look?
0:55:36 > 0:55:39The look you two just gave each other.
0:55:42 > 0:55:44Oh, that, that... that was no look.
0:55:45 > 0:55:48TENSE MUSIC
0:55:52 > 0:55:54Darlene, I'm...so sorry.
0:55:54 > 0:55:56What do you mean, "You're sorry"?
0:55:56 > 0:55:58- I'm so sorry. - What are you sorry about?
0:55:58 > 0:56:00You got nothin' to be sorry about!
0:56:00 > 0:56:02You looked at me, I looked at you...
0:56:02 > 0:56:04People can look at one another, can't they?
0:56:04 > 0:56:06Not like that, they can't.
0:56:07 > 0:56:12Oh, God, please... please forgive me.
0:56:12 > 0:56:15Forgive you for what?!
0:56:15 > 0:56:16What do you mean, "forgive you"?!
0:56:16 > 0:56:18This is ridiculous!
0:56:18 > 0:56:22Now, hold on, I... Am I missin' something here?
0:56:22 > 0:56:26Oh, for cryin' out loud, Roy, don't you see, this isn't Reno?
0:56:26 > 0:56:29- This is Melrose Place. - Huh?
0:56:29 > 0:56:31My husband has been doin' your wife.
0:56:33 > 0:56:34- No... - Yes.
0:56:34 > 0:56:36Take the shits...
0:56:36 > 0:56:38I think y'all are jumping the gun...
0:56:38 > 0:56:39Shut up!
0:56:39 > 0:56:42Oh, just shut up, Lonnie Earl, goddamn it!
0:56:42 > 0:56:44Stop acting like such an ass. You blew it!
0:56:44 > 0:56:46Hell, you're the one that got pregnant!
0:56:46 > 0:56:48She's the one got pregnant! Shit!
0:56:48 > 0:56:50You insensitive son of a bitch!
0:57:05 > 0:57:07Hey, Roy, listen, I'm sorry, man, I...
0:57:09 > 0:57:11You're my best friend!
0:57:13 > 0:57:14Listen...you gotta believe me,
0:57:14 > 0:57:17this don't have a fuckin' thing to do with you!
0:57:17 > 0:57:18She's my wife!
0:57:20 > 0:57:22Bastard!
0:57:23 > 0:57:24Darlene...please, wait!
0:57:28 > 0:57:30Darlene... Darlene, please, wait...
0:57:30 > 0:57:31Shut up!
0:57:31 > 0:57:35Come on, we have to talk about this. You're my best friend.
0:57:35 > 0:57:36Best friends?!
0:57:36 > 0:57:39Best friends don't do that to best friends.
0:57:42 > 0:57:45- Enjoying your stay, sir? - Oh, shut up.
0:57:45 > 0:57:46OK, then.
0:57:50 > 0:57:53I've known you since the third grade.
0:57:53 > 0:57:56Just how long have you two been visitin' Sin City?
0:57:58 > 0:58:01Twice...just two times, I swear to God, that's it.
0:58:01 > 0:58:03What are you doin'?
0:58:03 > 0:58:05- We need to talk! - Not now, Roy!
0:58:05 > 0:58:08Can't you see I'm tryin' to console Darlene?
0:58:08 > 0:58:09Oh, I don't want your consolin'.
0:58:09 > 0:58:13That's your husband. He's the one who needs your consolin'!
0:58:13 > 0:58:14Don't fight.
0:58:14 > 0:58:16That's OK, you can go first.
0:58:16 > 0:58:18Damn it, Roy! Show some backbone, will you?
0:58:18 > 0:58:20Why are you mad at me?
0:58:20 > 0:58:23Why yell at him? He's just tryin' to be nice.
0:58:23 > 0:58:25- Shut up, whore! - Darlene.
0:58:25 > 0:58:26Come on, hit me.
0:58:26 > 0:58:29- What? - Hit me! I got it comin' to me.
0:58:29 > 0:58:31- No. - It'll make you feel better.
0:58:31 > 0:58:33- You'll hit me back. - Promise I won't.
0:58:33 > 0:58:36- OK, come on! - Oh, my God! Lonnie Earl!
0:58:36 > 0:58:38Get off me!
0:58:38 > 0:58:40Get off him, you bastard! You hit him!
0:58:40 > 0:58:41You hit me.
0:58:41 > 0:58:44You sleep with my wife, then you hit me?!
0:58:44 > 0:58:46Just a reflex action, that's all.
0:58:46 > 0:58:47Folks, you really gotta keep it down...
0:58:47 > 0:58:49GET THE FUCK OUT!!
0:58:50 > 0:58:52Hold on! Hey, hey, hey, listen!
0:58:52 > 0:58:55I got a great idea. OK?
0:58:55 > 0:58:57I know how to fix everything.
0:58:57 > 0:58:59Darlene and Roy have gotta sleep together.
0:58:59 > 0:59:02It'll make it even. It's like a dealer trade-in.
0:59:02 > 0:59:03You are such a sick fuck!
0:59:03 > 0:59:05Have you finally lost your mind?
0:59:05 > 0:59:08If I wanted a make-up fuck, it'd be with...
0:59:08 > 0:59:09..Tony Orlando!
0:59:09 > 0:59:12Jesus, help me, I feel so raw!
0:59:12 > 0:59:14Like I haven't got any skin!
0:59:14 > 0:59:16This is wrong!
0:59:16 > 0:59:19- It's just wrong. - I know it's wrong.
0:59:19 > 0:59:22If I could just wiggle my nose like Samantha on Bewitched
0:59:22 > 0:59:25and make this all go away, Darlene, I would, I swear!
0:59:25 > 0:59:27You'd probably call up Aunt Clara
0:59:27 > 0:59:29and Lonnie Earl would fuck her too!
0:59:29 > 0:59:31Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, honey, listen...
0:59:31 > 0:59:33..listen...calm down...
0:59:33 > 0:59:35- Don't tell me to calm down! - Calm down!
0:59:35 > 0:59:37Let me go with you, and we'll talk.
0:59:37 > 0:59:39I don't wanna be around you!
0:59:39 > 0:59:41I don't wanna be around any of you!
0:59:41 > 0:59:43- No... Darlene... - You'll need your eye drops.
0:59:43 > 0:59:45My eyes are just fine.
0:59:45 > 0:59:47They're just fine, I don't need 'em.
0:59:47 > 0:59:49Everything's crystal clear.
0:59:49 > 0:59:51Please don't go. Darlene, wait a minute.
0:59:51 > 0:59:52SOBS
0:59:59 > 1:00:01Hello?
1:00:01 > 1:00:02This is definitely the shits!
1:00:04 > 1:00:05I'm sorry, Roy.
1:00:05 > 1:00:07You know what?
1:00:07 > 1:00:09"Sorry" just ain't cuttin' it right now, Lonnie Earl.
1:00:12 > 1:00:14Sugar kitten?
1:00:14 > 1:00:16I mean, hell, I hope everybody's happy.
1:00:20 > 1:00:21Friends?
1:00:24 > 1:00:26Shit! Fuck!
1:00:30 > 1:00:33Car number 5394, please.
1:00:33 > 1:00:36Yes...you have a good day too.
1:00:36 > 1:00:38Darlene, wait...you don't wanna leave like this.
1:00:38 > 1:00:40Don't tell me what I want.
1:00:40 > 1:00:43I'm sick and tired of people telling me what I wanna do!
1:00:43 > 1:00:48God, I fucked up. I'm so sorry! We have to talk about this.
1:00:48 > 1:00:51We're too close to throw away what we've got.
1:00:51 > 1:00:52WHAT WE GOT?!
1:00:52 > 1:00:55WE GOT A FUCKIN' MESS IS WHAT WE GOT!
1:00:55 > 1:00:58And I had nothin' to do with it!
1:00:59 > 1:01:01- Yes, you did. - Oh, excuse me?
1:01:01 > 1:01:04You did have something to do with it, Darlene.
1:01:04 > 1:01:06Hell, Lonnie Earl was cryin' for your attention,
1:01:06 > 1:01:08and you refused to see it!
1:01:08 > 1:01:10He came to me to talk about it,
1:01:10 > 1:01:14and I was tryin' to be your friend, so I listened.
1:01:14 > 1:01:17And before you knew it, he was spinnin' you like a helicopter.
1:01:17 > 1:01:20You bitch! And you call yourself my friend?
1:01:20 > 1:01:21Damn right I do.
1:01:21 > 1:01:25In case you forgot, I tried to talk to you about it too.
1:01:25 > 1:01:28And you kept tryin' to convince me and yourself
1:01:28 > 1:01:29that everything was great,
1:01:29 > 1:01:32that life was just one big bowl of cherries!
1:01:32 > 1:01:33Oh, go away!
1:01:33 > 1:01:35You know what? You're a fuckin' mole.
1:01:35 > 1:01:38And I'm not talkin' about that thing on Cindy Crawford's lips,
1:01:38 > 1:01:40I'm talking about them rodents
1:01:40 > 1:01:42that bury themselves in the ground.
1:01:42 > 1:01:44They got eyes, but can't see.
1:01:44 > 1:01:45Come on, elevator!
1:01:45 > 1:01:49Just go ahead. Just run away, Darlene, like you always do.
1:01:49 > 1:01:51Just so you don't have to face anything.
1:01:51 > 1:01:52Shut up!
1:01:52 > 1:01:55You've got the world by its balls
1:01:55 > 1:01:56and you don't even know it!
1:01:56 > 1:01:59And you know why?
1:01:59 > 1:02:02Because you're always throwing some goddamn
1:02:02 > 1:02:04Darlene pity-party!
1:02:04 > 1:02:06Mopin' around in those stupid overalls,
1:02:06 > 1:02:08feelin' sorry for yourself.
1:02:08 > 1:02:09Hidin' behind your kids!
1:02:09 > 1:02:12God, you've got this prison built into your head,
1:02:12 > 1:02:13and you're just living there.
1:02:13 > 1:02:15Stop, now!
1:02:15 > 1:02:17No!
1:02:17 > 1:02:19Wake up, Darlene.
1:02:19 > 1:02:22You've got a nice house, your bills are paid,
1:02:22 > 1:02:24you've got healthy kids.
1:02:24 > 1:02:26You've got friends who care about you,
1:02:26 > 1:02:27if you only let them.
1:02:27 > 1:02:29Damn it, you've got a husband who thinks
1:02:29 > 1:02:31you're worth fightin' for.
1:02:31 > 1:02:35He so desperately wants to find the woman he fell in love with.
1:02:35 > 1:02:38Goddamn it, you could really enjoy life!
1:02:38 > 1:02:43If you open your eyes, you'd see that I'm right.
1:02:43 > 1:02:47All I'd see are your legs up over my husband's shoulders.
1:02:50 > 1:02:52- Don't go there. - Ladies.
1:02:52 > 1:02:55Only thing I'm still wondering is how a spoilt brat like you
1:02:55 > 1:02:57fucked Lonnie Earl without your daddy's permission.
1:02:57 > 1:02:59Arrgh!
1:02:59 > 1:03:02MUFFLED SHOUTING
1:03:02 > 1:03:05- Roy? Let's talk. - Oh, shut up!
1:03:08 > 1:03:11Just a sec, I just came to tell you...
1:03:11 > 1:03:13Stairs.
1:03:13 > 1:03:16UP-TEMPO SURF MUSIC
1:03:19 > 1:03:22CONFUSED SHOUTING
1:03:24 > 1:03:26- Darlene, don't! - Let me go!
1:03:28 > 1:03:30Get off of me, you bitch!
1:03:31 > 1:03:33Oh...ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
1:03:33 > 1:03:36I hope that hurts you like you hurt me!
1:03:39 > 1:03:41Arggh! Darlene!
1:03:43 > 1:03:45Now, stop it!
1:03:45 > 1:03:48Get up! CONFUSED SHOUTING
1:03:48 > 1:03:49Let go of me!
1:03:52 > 1:03:54- You let go of me. - Will you calm down?
1:03:54 > 1:03:56Don't tell me to calm down!
1:03:56 > 1:03:59Roy! Let go of me, put me down!
1:03:59 > 1:04:02OH! I'm with child, you idiot!
1:04:02 > 1:04:04Let go of that!
1:04:04 > 1:04:06What are you...? Give me my wallet!
1:04:10 > 1:04:12- Is this what you want? - No, honey, please...
1:04:12 > 1:04:15- It's what I want. - Please, give me that!
1:04:28 > 1:04:31She's the real deal, you know?
1:04:51 > 1:04:53Aren't you gonna have the oysters?
1:04:54 > 1:04:56They are aphrodilliacs, you know.
1:04:56 > 1:04:57GIGGLES
1:05:02 > 1:05:05So...can I buy you a real drink?
1:05:07 > 1:05:10Yeah. Yeah, why not?
1:05:10 > 1:05:14# You keep sayin' You've got something for me
1:05:15 > 1:05:19# Something you call love But confess
1:05:21 > 1:05:26# You've been messin' where you Shouldn't have been messin'
1:05:26 > 1:05:31# And now someone else Is gettin' all of your best
1:05:32 > 1:05:35# These boots are made For walkin'
1:05:35 > 1:05:37# And that's just What they'll do
1:05:37 > 1:05:43# One of these days these boots Are gonna walk all over you
1:05:50 > 1:05:51# Yeah
1:05:53 > 1:05:57# You keep lyin' When you oughta be truthin'
1:05:58 > 1:06:03# And you keep losin' When you oughta not bet
1:06:04 > 1:06:09# And you keep same-in' When you oughta be a-changin'
1:06:09 > 1:06:14# What's right is right But you ain't been right yet
1:06:15 > 1:06:18# These boots are made For walkin'
1:06:18 > 1:06:21# And that's just What they'll do
1:06:21 > 1:06:26# One of these days these boots Are gonna walk all over you
1:06:32 > 1:06:34# Are ya ready, boots?
1:06:34 > 1:06:37# Start walkin'... #
1:06:48 > 1:06:50MUSIC SUBSIDES
1:06:50 > 1:06:51TONY ORLANDO: Lay it on me.
1:06:51 > 1:06:54- # My darlin'... AUDIENCE:- # Knock three times
1:06:54 > 1:06:57# On the ceiling if you want me... #
1:06:57 > 1:06:59Now you're talking. Keep those hands together now.
1:06:59 > 1:07:05# Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
1:07:05 > 1:07:08# Oh, my sweetness... BAND PLAYS TRIPLE BEAT
1:07:08 > 1:07:11# Means you'll meet me in the hallway... #
1:07:11 > 1:07:13Keep it comin', Reno. Come on, now.
1:07:13 > 1:07:15# Twice on the pipe... AUDIENCE CLAPS TWICE
1:07:15 > 1:07:19# Means you ain't gonna show... #
1:07:19 > 1:07:21Oh, wait a second.
1:07:21 > 1:07:24Don't tell me that beautiful lady's sittin' alone.
1:07:24 > 1:07:25Whoo!
1:07:27 > 1:07:29Welcome. AUDIENCE CLAPS IN RHYTHM
1:07:29 > 1:07:33# Read how many times I saw you
1:07:33 > 1:07:36# I can see your body swayin'
1:07:36 > 1:07:40# You're one floor below me You don't even know me
1:07:40 > 1:07:42# But I love you
1:07:42 > 1:07:44# Oh, my darlin'
1:07:44 > 1:07:46# Knock three times on the ceiling
1:07:46 > 1:07:48# If you want me... # SINGING SUBSIDES
1:07:48 > 1:07:51I can't take it any more. I can't be alone.
1:07:51 > 1:07:53I'm gonna throw myself out to them women.
1:07:53 > 1:07:56I gotta talk to somebody. You don't understand, Candy.
1:07:56 > 1:07:59Ever since I was a kid, I didn't like being alone.
1:07:59 > 1:08:00You've gotta talk to me.
1:08:00 > 1:08:03Let me sit here just for a minute. Just talk to ya.
1:08:03 > 1:08:07Swear to God, I won't try to get that monkey. Swear to God.
1:08:10 > 1:08:12He's cheatin' on me.
1:08:12 > 1:08:14- Huh? - Roy is cheatin' on me.
1:08:15 > 1:08:18- What are you talkin' about? - Can you believe it?
1:08:19 > 1:08:21That asshole.
1:08:22 > 1:08:26I saw him dancin' with some Puerto Rican skank at the bar.
1:08:26 > 1:08:28I know he is.
1:08:30 > 1:08:33Did she have a hairy lower back?
1:08:36 > 1:08:37Yeah.
1:08:37 > 1:08:39Long black hair?
1:08:40 > 1:08:41Uh-huh.
1:08:41 > 1:08:44A little piece of deerskin covering her titties?
1:08:44 > 1:08:45Yeah.
1:08:46 > 1:08:48That ain't no big deal,
1:08:48 > 1:08:51that's just this hooker that's working the bar down there.
1:08:51 > 1:08:52Hooker?
1:08:56 > 1:08:59CRIES: No!
1:09:06 > 1:09:09I guess I said the wrong thing, didn't I?
1:09:12 > 1:09:14He doesn't love me any more.
1:09:14 > 1:09:16Oh, that's not true.
1:09:16 > 1:09:19- Honey, he loves you. - No, he doesn't.
1:09:19 > 1:09:23My Roy is bangin' a Puerto Rican hooker.
1:09:24 > 1:09:27I doubt it. I think she's a lesbian anyway, hon.
1:09:27 > 1:09:31She's not a lesbian. I saw her.
1:09:31 > 1:09:33- Now, now... - SOBS
1:09:33 > 1:09:35You wanna know why?
1:09:36 > 1:09:40Cos we're shitty people, Lonnie Earl.
1:09:40 > 1:09:42Oh, baby, we're not shitty people.
1:09:42 > 1:09:44- We're not... - We are.
1:09:44 > 1:09:46We're not either, baby. We're not shitty people.
1:09:46 > 1:09:48- We're shitty people. - We're not.
1:09:49 > 1:09:52I was here to talk about my problems...
1:09:52 > 1:09:53- Jesus H... - You know, hon...
1:09:53 > 1:09:55We're shitty people.
1:09:55 > 1:09:57Why the hell did I come back?
1:09:57 > 1:10:00Why don't you two get a room of your own?
1:10:00 > 1:10:03Or should I wait in the hall till you're done?
1:10:03 > 1:10:05Come in, Roy. We were just talkin' about you.
1:10:05 > 1:10:07- Wasn't we, Candy? - SARCASTICALLY:- Oh, yeah.
1:10:08 > 1:10:09Well...
1:10:11 > 1:10:12..did you do her?
1:10:14 > 1:10:16Do what?
1:10:16 > 1:10:21Did you and your hot tamale Puerto Rican dancin' partner
1:10:21 > 1:10:22do it?!
1:10:22 > 1:10:24For your information,
1:10:24 > 1:10:27she prefers to be called a lady of the night.
1:10:27 > 1:10:30I don't care what she prefers to be called!
1:10:30 > 1:10:32Goddamn it, Queen of Sheba, I don't fuckin' care!
1:10:32 > 1:10:34- Did you do her?! - You wait a minute.
1:10:34 > 1:10:37How dare you get your panties in a wad
1:10:37 > 1:10:39when you two started this mess?
1:10:39 > 1:10:41I'm just gonna go back to my room...
1:10:41 > 1:10:44I thought you said you couldn't stand being alone.
1:10:45 > 1:10:48Well, this ain't none of my business, really, you know.
1:10:48 > 1:10:50Oh, the hell it ain't.
1:10:50 > 1:10:51It became your business
1:10:51 > 1:10:54when she pissed on that stick and turned it blue.
1:10:54 > 1:10:55OK. I'll stay.
1:10:55 > 1:10:59I'll sit here, and you can yell at me any time you want to.
1:10:59 > 1:11:01Abuse me.
1:11:03 > 1:11:05Roy...
1:11:06 > 1:11:10..you have every reason to be mad at me.
1:11:12 > 1:11:17But did you have to go and find some Puerto Rican skank
1:11:17 > 1:11:18to get back at me?
1:11:18 > 1:11:21Lord knows what kind of diseases she might have,
1:11:21 > 1:11:22and now I'm gonna have 'em.
1:11:22 > 1:11:24Sweetheart, get back at you?
1:11:24 > 1:11:26I wasn't trying to get back at you,
1:11:26 > 1:11:28I wasn't even thinkin' of you.
1:11:29 > 1:11:32And do you have any idea how good that felt?
1:11:32 > 1:11:35How much does a girl like that run you, Roy?
1:11:35 > 1:11:37Goddamn it, Lonnie Earl, it's none of your business!
1:11:37 > 1:11:39Well, I tried to leave.
1:11:41 > 1:11:44I'll tell you. She didn't cost me a damn dime.
1:11:44 > 1:11:46And you know why?
1:11:46 > 1:11:48Cos she really liked me for me.
1:11:49 > 1:11:52She...she thought I was a real good guy, you know.
1:11:52 > 1:11:54And that I did not deserve
1:11:54 > 1:11:58a wife and a best friend to do me the way you two did.
1:11:58 > 1:12:01She thought that I deserved a hell of a lot more respect.
1:12:02 > 1:12:04And, by God, she was right.
1:12:04 > 1:12:06Cos I've had it up to here.
1:12:06 > 1:12:08I'm sick and tired of being treated
1:12:08 > 1:12:10like everybody's little punchin' bag.
1:12:10 > 1:12:12I know you know what I'm talkin' about.
1:12:12 > 1:12:16And I ain't gonna stand here and take it no more.
1:12:16 > 1:12:17As of right now,
1:12:17 > 1:12:19Roy Kirkendall is demandin' your utmost respect,
1:12:19 > 1:12:20and he's gonna get it
1:12:20 > 1:12:23or there's gonna be hell to pay, I promise you.
1:12:23 > 1:12:26I'm gonna kick some ass and take some names.
1:12:26 > 1:12:28- DARLENE: - I respect you, Roy.
1:12:30 > 1:12:32Darlene, I've been worried sick about you, honey.
1:12:32 > 1:12:35- Oh...my God. - Don't come near me.
1:12:35 > 1:12:36You'll spoil my aura.
1:12:36 > 1:12:38Your what?
1:12:38 > 1:12:39Can't you see it?
1:12:39 > 1:12:43It's all around me. It's a big old cloud of self-esteem.
1:12:43 > 1:12:45And Tony Orlando gave it to me.
1:12:45 > 1:12:48- LAUGHS:- Darlene...you...
1:12:48 > 1:12:52- LAUGHS:- You look good enough to put in a JC Penney window.
1:12:52 > 1:12:54Well, thank you, bubba.
1:13:04 > 1:13:06You met Tony Orlando?
1:13:07 > 1:13:09No...
1:13:10 > 1:13:12..but he sang right to me.
1:13:17 > 1:13:20You really did look pretty tonight, Darlene.
1:13:27 > 1:13:30I actually felt pretty tonight, Candy.
1:13:54 > 1:13:56Rise and shine.
1:13:56 > 1:13:582:15. Breakfast time.
1:13:58 > 1:14:00Up, up, up, gentlemen.
1:14:00 > 1:14:03Come on, out of bed, sleepy head.
1:14:04 > 1:14:06Good morning, good morning!
1:14:06 > 1:14:08Rise and shine. Feet on the floor.
1:14:08 > 1:14:11Good morning, men. Wakey, wakey, hand off snakey.
1:14:11 > 1:14:14I'm here on orders from Darlene Dodd.
1:14:14 > 1:14:15Breakfast is being served.
1:14:15 > 1:14:17Please join me, won't you?
1:14:17 > 1:14:22Ms Candy, it's breakfast time. Won't you join us, please?
1:14:22 > 1:14:24BOTH GROAN AND YAWN
1:14:25 > 1:14:27Roy, you're gonna have the eggs Benedict.
1:14:27 > 1:14:29Er...and eggs Florentine,
1:14:29 > 1:14:32no coffee for the lady who is with child.
1:14:32 > 1:14:35And this one is for... Let's see, how did she put it?
1:14:35 > 1:14:39..um..."the whore-dog who sells cars in Millsberg".
1:14:39 > 1:14:41Don't shoot the messenger.
1:14:41 > 1:14:44OK. Bill's been taken care of. By you, Mr Dodd.
1:14:44 > 1:14:48Yeah. I hope you've had a pleasant stay with us.
1:14:48 > 1:14:51And I wish that I could say I hope you'll return soon,
1:14:51 > 1:14:53but...I'd be lying.
1:14:53 > 1:14:55OK. Goodbye.
1:14:55 > 1:14:56Hang on a minute.
1:14:56 > 1:14:59Oh, no, no. Please don't... give me your dollar.
1:14:59 > 1:15:04I've been most pleasantly taken care of by...Darlene.
1:15:04 > 1:15:05She's quite a woman.
1:15:05 > 1:15:08All right. Whore-dog, all, good day.
1:15:11 > 1:15:12I don't like that motherfucker.
1:15:12 > 1:15:14I wasn't gonna tip the son of a bitch, anyway.
1:15:16 > 1:15:18This says, "Meet me at the Monster Truck Jam."
1:15:18 > 1:15:21LIVELY ROCKABILLY MUSIC
1:15:21 > 1:15:23- ANNOUNCER:- The question I have to ask now -
1:15:23 > 1:15:26is anybody ready to see some monster truck racing?
1:15:26 > 1:15:29CROWD CHEERS WILDLY
1:15:29 > 1:15:32OK. Let's do it!
1:15:54 > 1:15:56Hey, baby.
1:15:56 > 1:15:58Hey.
1:15:58 > 1:16:00Just in time for the big event.
1:16:02 > 1:16:04Whoo!
1:16:09 > 1:16:10Wow.
1:16:14 > 1:16:15Hey, that's impressive.
1:16:15 > 1:16:18- ANNOUNCER: - Gonna have some monster truck action tonight!
1:16:18 > 1:16:20Honey, I know I've been an asshole.
1:16:20 > 1:16:22I swear to God I'm gonna do better.
1:16:22 > 1:16:25It'd tear me to pieces if somethin' happened to us.
1:16:25 > 1:16:28I'd rather get run over by them trucks than lose you.
1:16:28 > 1:16:29- ANNOUNCER: - Ladies and gentlemen,
1:16:29 > 1:16:31please welcome to Reno
1:16:31 > 1:16:34the truck-chomping, Godzilla-of-beasts machine.
1:16:34 > 1:16:38THEME FROM '2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY' PLAYS
1:16:38 > 1:16:43Give it up, Reno, for Robosaurus!
1:16:43 > 1:16:46MUSIC CONTINUES, CROWD APPLAUDS ENTHUSIASTICALLY
1:16:51 > 1:16:52Whoo-hoo!
1:16:54 > 1:16:57DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
1:17:02 > 1:17:04So, what do you think, people?
1:17:04 > 1:17:06Do we want him to bite that new car?
1:17:06 > 1:17:09CROWD CHEERS AND CLAPS ENTHUSIASTICALLY
1:17:10 > 1:17:11Whoo!
1:17:14 > 1:17:16- GIGGLES: - Oh, no!
1:17:19 > 1:17:21Go, baby!
1:17:29 > 1:17:31LIVELY ROCKABILLY MUSIC
1:17:31 > 1:17:34Lonnie Earl, so much for that Corinthian leather, huh?
1:17:47 > 1:17:49- WHISTLES:- Go!
1:17:49 > 1:17:50Whoo!
1:17:57 > 1:17:59He's gonna eat it.
1:17:59 > 1:18:01- CROWD CHANTS: - Chomp it! chomp it!
1:18:16 > 1:18:18Oh, no!
1:18:19 > 1:18:21Lonnie Earl, how are we gonna get home?
1:18:23 > 1:18:25- ANNOUNCER: - Now, tonight's fully loaded,
1:18:25 > 1:18:28dealer-exclusive offering was generously donated
1:18:28 > 1:18:33by a Mr Lonnie Earl Dodd from Lonnie Earl Dodd Chevrolet!
1:18:44 > 1:18:48If you can't trust Lonnie Earl, who can you trust?
1:18:48 > 1:18:51Let's give it up for Lonnie Earl!
1:18:51 > 1:18:54CROWD CHEERS WILDLY
1:19:02 > 1:19:05DARLENE: I saw these two couples on The Jerry Springer Show
1:19:05 > 1:19:08that screwed up a hell of a lot worse than we did.
1:19:08 > 1:19:12I figured if they can make up by the end of the show,
1:19:12 > 1:19:13in time, maybe we could too.
1:19:15 > 1:19:18But I guess life isn't always that simple.
1:19:18 > 1:19:21So we all decided we'd better leave what had happened
1:19:21 > 1:19:23back in Reno.
1:19:23 > 1:19:26While the baby issue still stuck in everyone's craw,
1:19:26 > 1:19:30Roy said that if you had to drop two grand at a sperm bank
1:19:30 > 1:19:31to buy some stranger's seed,
1:19:31 > 1:19:35he thought it seemed better to get it from his best friend.
1:19:35 > 1:19:38We all just wished Lonnie Earl had made the deposit in a cup.
1:19:46 > 1:19:49Do you realise time heals all wounds?
1:19:49 > 1:19:52And real friends endure tough times.
1:19:52 > 1:19:56And that's what we are - real friends.
1:19:57 > 1:19:58- CANDY: - Roy.
1:20:03 > 1:20:05I wanted to tell you somethin'.
1:20:08 > 1:20:10I love you.
1:20:11 > 1:20:12ROY: I know.
1:20:12 > 1:20:16No... I mean, I really love you.
1:20:34 > 1:20:40# Love doesn't come With a contract
1:20:41 > 1:20:47# You give me this I give you that
1:20:49 > 1:20:52# It's scary business
1:20:52 > 1:20:56# When your heart and soul is on the line
1:20:56 > 1:20:59# Baby, why else would I be
1:20:59 > 1:21:03# Standing round here so tongue-tied?
1:21:03 > 1:21:06- # If I knew what I was doin' - # What I was doin'
1:21:06 > 1:21:10- # I'd be doin' it right now - # Doin' it right now
1:21:10 > 1:21:13# I would be the best I could
1:21:13 > 1:21:17# Silver words out of my mouth
1:21:17 > 1:21:21# Well, the words Might not be magic
1:21:21 > 1:21:25# But they cut straight To the truth
1:21:25 > 1:21:30# So if you need a lover And a friend
1:21:31 > 1:21:33- # Baby, I'm... - # Baby, I'm...
1:21:33 > 1:21:35# Baby, I'm in. #
1:21:35 > 1:21:38DARLENE: Oh, and good news - Candy had a nine-pound baby boy,
1:21:38 > 1:21:40the spittin' image of Roy.
1:21:40 > 1:21:43Candy insisted they name him Gunther.
1:21:43 > 1:21:46And after two more babies, there was no debatin' -
1:21:46 > 1:21:49Roy's tadpoles were most definitely swimmin'.
1:21:49 > 1:21:52As for us, Lonnie Earl finally agreed to see
1:21:52 > 1:21:54that marriage counselllor in Little Rock.
1:21:54 > 1:21:57And since then, things have been lookin' up.
1:21:57 > 1:22:00I've been takin' a more active role in the family business.
1:22:00 > 1:22:03You'd be surprised what it's done for my self-esteem,
1:22:03 > 1:22:04not to mention our sales.
1:22:04 > 1:22:07I guarantee you we won't be undersold by anybody.
1:22:07 > 1:22:08If you can't trust Lonnie Earl...
1:22:08 > 1:22:10..then you can trust Darlene.
1:22:10 > 1:22:12Hi, I'm Darlene Dodd, invitin' you to come on down
1:22:12 > 1:22:14to Lonnie Earl Dodd Chevrolet
1:22:14 > 1:22:16where you'll find the best deals.
1:22:16 > 1:22:18So swing by Lonnie Earl Dodd Dodge and Chevy,
1:22:18 > 1:22:20and say hello to Ronnie the Rooster here.
1:22:20 > 1:22:22Or try your luck with Trudie.
1:22:22 > 1:22:24Right now, we've got a really great deal
1:22:24 > 1:22:27on a used maroon Suburban, so come on over.
1:22:27 > 1:22:29And just remember - if you can't trust Lonnie Earl,
1:22:29 > 1:22:31you can trust Darlene.