0:00:02 > 0:00:07*
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Chopper.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Well done, Pitkin!
0:03:02 > 0:03:06DOG GROWLS AND WHIMPERS
0:03:21 > 0:03:24(Two ounces over, Mr Grimsdale.)
0:03:24 > 0:03:27(It's all right. It's mostly bone.)
0:03:27 > 0:03:29(Oh-ho!)
0:03:35 > 0:03:40There you are, Mrs Cutforth. The best New Zealand lamb. 15/9d. >
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Take 15/9d, please, Amy. >
0:04:26 > 0:04:32Robbery! ..Pitkin, we're not here to give the local dogs free meat.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37- It was mostly bone(!)- The next time a dog comes in, I'll...deal with it.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40He'll put it in his sausages.
0:04:40 > 0:04:46You're not suggesting that Mr Grimsdale uses dog meat in his sausages, are you?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Here, Mr Grimsdale.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Show him your gold watch and chain.
0:04:57 > 0:05:03"From the Association of Midland Family Butchers and Poulterers..."
0:05:03 > 0:05:05"..first prize..."
0:05:05 > 0:05:09"..first prize for quality and hygiene."
0:05:09 > 0:05:15- It's my proudest possession, Mrs Cutforth.- Oh, yes. That's nice.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Good mornin'.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Thank you, Pitkin.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Next, please.
0:05:38 > 0:05:44A pound of potatoes, two tins of sardines and a hundredweight of coal.
0:05:46 > 0:05:52Mr Grimsdale, what, might I ask, is the time by your gold watch?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55One o'clock, Pitkin.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Oh, yes. Of course.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Early closing, innit?
0:06:08 > 0:06:13Ooh! W-What you doing? That could go off. Ooh!
0:06:13 > 0:06:17HE WHIMPERS
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Give over! Don't do that, Pitkin!
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Oi, you! Open the till.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Women(!)
0:06:44 > 0:06:47W-Watch. Hide it.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50I can't. I've got me hands up.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Open your mouth.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Don't move.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07You've got a bit hanging.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13GUN FIRES
0:07:13 > 0:07:16I've swallowed it!
0:07:20 > 0:07:23You murderer!
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Stop! Help! Police!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Help! Help!
0:07:33 > 0:07:38Never mind the police, call an ambulance, you...!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Yes, Mr Grimsdale.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Hello? Send an ambulance, please.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- I don't need an ambulance. - Mr Grimsdale does.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08Yes, urgent. Grimsdale's, in the high street. The butcher's.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13And poulterer's! Oh, they've gone now!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Mr Grimsdale? Are you all right?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27My last seconds are ticking away.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32- I know. I can hear 'em. - How long will the ambulance be?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35About 18 feet, Mr Grimsdale.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37BELL RINGS
0:08:38 > 0:08:41The ambulance is coming!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44BELL RINGS
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Mr... Oh, Mr Grimsdale. Try to hang on.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Mr Grimsdale, they're 'ere!
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Hurry up. I think he's going!
0:09:07 > 0:09:12- Stretcher case?- Of course. He's swallowed his watch and chain.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Ooh!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Blood.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38He's new.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57CREAK!
0:13:24 > 0:13:26- He's gone!- Gone?!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- What did you say?- He's gone.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Oh, no!
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Ooh!
0:14:43 > 0:14:48If the inspection goes well, we can expect a handsome donation.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53- We're still £20,000 short.- Lady Brinkley's signed bigger cheques.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Hello! How are you?
0:15:27 > 0:15:31I'm all right. Mr Grimsdale's swallowed his watch...
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Lady Brinkley...
0:15:36 > 0:15:39A-hem. Do come this way.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Before we start the inspection, one pleasant formality.
0:15:50 > 0:15:55- They're lovely. - Isn't it? Shall we?- Of course.
0:16:05 > 0:16:13- Nurse, how long...?- As soon as a porter's available he'll be taken to casualty.- I don't mind taking him...
0:16:13 > 0:16:15myself.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22- Comfy, Mr Grimsdale? - I'm sinking fast, Pitkin.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I can hear the angels singing.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- I- can't. - You're not so near to them as I am.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Don't worry, Mr Grimsdale. I'll get a porter myself.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38PORTER!
0:16:38 > 0:16:41PORTER!
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Shh.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Shall we?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57(Porter!)
0:16:57 > 0:17:01I'll take you to casualty, Mr Grimsdale.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18TYRES SCREECH
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I gotcha.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Look out!
0:17:31 > 0:17:34You clumsy...!
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- Oi!- Ha-ha!
0:18:05 > 0:18:10We speed our patients on the road to recovery...
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Emergency!
0:18:26 > 0:18:28CRASH!
0:18:28 > 0:18:30CRASH! BANG!
0:18:30 > 0:18:31CRASH! BANG! WALLOP!
0:18:37 > 0:18:43It's all right, Mr Grimsdale. I'll soon have you in casualty.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Oh, my dear Lady Brinkley! What has happened to you?
0:18:47 > 0:18:52This is dreadful. Matron, look after Lady Brinkley.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55I must go. Excuse me.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Great heavens! Find him. I want him.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12Lady Brinkley, what can I do to make amends? A glass of brandy?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- I want to go home. - Lady Brinkley's car.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- Perhaps tomorrow?- Impossible.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- We'd be honoured.- Oh, very well.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- Thank you, Lady Brinkley. - Thank you.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- Can't I stay with him? - You're putting the surgeon off.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Don't worry. It's a simple matter.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37- Go to the waiting room. If there's news, I'll let you know.- Thank you.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40< BABY CRIES
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Mr Grimsdale...!
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- How did they get...?!- Shh, shh.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10HE MOUTHS
0:20:10 > 0:20:12No! Did they?!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Cor! They didn't, Mr Grimsdale?
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- Oh, it must have been... - That's enough, Pitkin!
0:20:21 > 0:20:25Sufficient to say it were extremely uncomfortable.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29I think you've been snatched from death's door.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32From the very threshold, Pitkin.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- A miracle, Mr Grimsdale. - A miracle, Pitkin.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- A miracle.- A miracle.
0:20:38 > 0:20:43- How long d'you reckon you'll be here?- I'm still on the danger list.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47I'll have to lie very still for a month.
0:20:47 > 0:20:52The doctor says you can go out tomorrow, Mr Grimsdale.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54I should let him rest now.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Pitkin. Take my watch...
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Can I, Mr Grimsdale?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03..and lock it in the safe.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Yes, Mr Grimsdale. You can rely on me.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11I can wear it in the daytime, can't I?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- Mr Grimsdale? YOU DROPPED OFF?- Shh.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36WHISTLES HAPPY TUNE
0:21:59 > 0:22:04We're fortunate to have a second chance. Nothing must go wrong!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Take it easy! What are you doing?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26How kind of you to co...
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Please, do you mind? Excuse me.
0:22:43 > 0:22:48- I must apologise for this LITTLE spot of bother.- Don't worry.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52- No-one's been hurt.- Go away! Please, Lady Brinkley.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Innit marvellous(?)
0:23:08 > 0:23:13Oh, Mr Grimsdale! You look wonderful.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18I FEEL wonderful, Pitkin.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20- It's a...- Miracle.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25Performed by a doctor dedicated to the cause of suffering humanity.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Oh, the way you say it...
0:23:28 > 0:23:33- Say what?- That "suffering" bit - whatever it was you said.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Dedicated to the cause of suffering humanity.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41That's what we'll be, to show our gratitude for my recovery.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45Dedicated to the cause of suffering humanity.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50Here, Mr Grimsdale, we've had, well, a sort of a call, haven't we?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53We have that, Pitkin, we have that.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Come on... OW!
0:23:58 > 0:24:03- What about it?- What about what? - The call we've had.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07I know. The way you slice meat and saw through bone...
0:24:07 > 0:24:13- you could be a surgeon. - That's feasible. A surgeon, yes.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15The best in the whole world.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20Don't exaggerate. I'd probably be no better that the rest.
0:24:20 > 0:24:25Fix up a date with the governor for us to enrol as students.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30- Us? You mean me as well?- Of course. Even surgeons have assistants.
0:24:30 > 0:24:36Of course. For sharpening knives and swabbing the pools of blood.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44PHONE BUZZES
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Hello, surgical ward...
0:24:48 > 0:24:53- Nurse, I want to fix up a date, you see...- Shh!
0:24:53 > 0:24:56 (7.30, back door of the hostel.)
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Oh, no! No, no, you misunderstand me.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04Oh, no, I don't. You men are all alike.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08No, look...
0:25:08 > 0:25:15Are you here to philander, or will you join your fellow students in the study of dentistry?
0:25:15 > 0:25:18That's just what I want to do, study.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Well, for heaven's sake, come along.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31What is your name?
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Er...Pitkin, sir.
0:25:34 > 0:25:41Well, Pitkin, I must insist that you control your excessive libido towards the ladies.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Right, ladies and gentlemen, check your equipment.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Send them in.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30This way, please.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Hey...
0:26:34 > 0:26:39Old Crankshaw won't tolerate students associating with women.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- So, keep away from them, hmm? - Oh, I will.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00You're a woman...and you're pretty.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03- Find another chair.- I will not.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07You have to. Old Crankshaw won't tolerate students...
0:27:07 > 0:27:10I have been waiting here an hour.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12I can't help that. Hop it.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15I will do no such thing.
0:27:15 > 0:27:20Look, I'm not going to get slung out now I'm in. Come on.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26- Please!- Come on, out! Come on!- Help!
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Pitkin! You imbecile!
0:27:33 > 0:27:35You sex maniac!
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Badson, look after this lady.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Sir Hector would like to see you. Yes, all right.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Please accept my apologies.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Pitkin!
0:27:47 > 0:27:51This is your last chance, Pitkin. Take over that chair.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24CLANG!
0:29:09 > 0:29:13You're, er, you're new here, aren't you?
0:29:15 > 0:29:17First time.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20Let's just get him up, hmm?
0:29:23 > 0:29:25You do everything I do, hmm?
0:30:22 > 0:30:26Rinse your mouth and spit in the bowl.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10GULP
0:31:10 > 0:31:12SPLASH!
0:31:17 > 0:31:21SLOSHING
0:31:31 > 0:31:35Right. Is that the one? Nuh.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38Is that it? Yuh.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42- Is that the one?- AARGH!
0:31:58 > 0:32:01DRILL WHINES Open.
0:32:19 > 0:32:24Thank you. ..Take your foot off. Take your foot off!
0:32:25 > 0:32:28Pull it out.
0:32:28 > 0:32:30No, the tooth.
0:32:58 > 0:33:03And finally, the dental clinic. If I may say, the finest in Europe.
0:33:03 > 0:33:09- The chairs are very comfortable. - You've done it most beautifully.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13Please!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17There. That didn't hurt, did it?
0:33:17 > 0:33:22The first time I've voluntarily sat in a dentist's chair(!)
0:33:22 > 0:33:27- POP! - There. That didn't hurt, did it?- No.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34- You!- You!
0:33:34 > 0:33:40Lord Hector, I've been looking for you. You see, we've had the call.
0:33:40 > 0:33:46Get out and never come back. You're banned from this hospital.
0:33:46 > 0:33:51- Banned!- Banned?- Banned.- But I've been helping suffering humanity.
0:33:51 > 0:33:55Get out and never come back. ..Get him out! Out!
0:34:15 > 0:34:18Shh. Don't give me away.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29(Have they gone?)
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Hello, John.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41Hello, what's your name?
0:34:45 > 0:34:48Aren't you going to tell me?
0:34:48 > 0:34:53Of course, I know it's Lindy, isn't it? Lindy Walker.
0:34:53 > 0:34:56But I'd like to hear YOU say it.
0:35:00 > 0:35:04- No headway at all. - Quite the reverse.
0:35:04 > 0:35:10- She hasn't spoken or smiled?- No, Doctor.- We'll just have to wait.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15Must we? Can't we do something?
0:35:15 > 0:35:18- Sorry.- Shock isn't easy to treat.
0:35:18 > 0:35:23When Lindy lost her parents in that crash, she lost the best cure - love.
0:35:23 > 0:35:31- There's nothing we can do?- Very little, except hope that something gives her back the will to live.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50Oh, so that's it.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54Funny though,
0:35:54 > 0:35:58when you didn't give me away just now...
0:35:59 > 0:36:03..I was very happy.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06Cos you see, I-I thought...
0:36:06 > 0:36:09well, perhaps you liked me.
0:36:11 > 0:36:15But it's only cos you didn't want to talk, isn't it?
0:36:18 > 0:36:21Yeah, well, I-I must go.
0:36:23 > 0:36:27Er...Lindy?
0:36:29 > 0:36:32Look, my name's Mr Pitkin.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35Er...
0:36:35 > 0:36:41But...you haven't got anyone to kiss you good night, have you?
0:36:43 > 0:36:45Well, er...
0:36:45 > 0:36:50far be it from me to push myself forward,
0:36:50 > 0:36:52but, er, well...
0:36:55 > 0:36:57What d'you reckon?
0:36:59 > 0:37:05Course, if you can't talk then you can't say no, can you?
0:37:07 > 0:37:09So, er...
0:37:09 > 0:37:12Are you...you ready, then?
0:37:25 > 0:37:27HE CHUCKLES
0:37:46 > 0:37:48Your nose is in the way.
0:37:53 > 0:37:57Now we ARE friends, aren't we?
0:37:58 > 0:38:01Oh, I've got to...
0:38:01 > 0:38:03I must. Look at the time.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23Just a minute, Mr...?
0:38:29 > 0:38:33- Pitkin.- Thank you, Mr Pitkin. - What for?
0:38:33 > 0:38:38You obviously don't realise, but you've done something wonderful.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42- Me?!- You must have a gift.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45Oh, no. I don't want anything.
0:38:45 > 0:38:51Me and Mr Grimsdale don't want anything. We've had the call.
0:38:51 > 0:38:56He's had it stronger than me. He's more into the cutting-up side.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59- I beg your pardon?- Surgery.
0:38:59 > 0:39:04- You will come and see Lindy again, won't you?- Can I have permission?
0:39:04 > 0:39:09Of course you can. Just ask for Nurse Haskell.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13- Nurse Haskell.- Promise you will. - Oh, yeah, I promise.
0:39:17 > 0:39:19- What about your watch?- Oh, yeah.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27I'll, er...
0:39:27 > 0:39:32- I'll collect it next time. - We'll take care of it for you.
0:39:40 > 0:39:44I promise, Lady Brinkley, he will be reprimanded.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Goodbye, Nurse.
0:39:59 > 0:40:03- Here I am, Pitkin. - Hurry up, Mr Grimsdale.
0:40:03 > 0:40:08Don't rush me. There's plenty time. Oh, you put my watch in the safe?
0:40:08 > 0:40:11Not what you might term IN the safe.
0:40:11 > 0:40:16- What have you done with it? - This little girl wasn't well...
0:40:16 > 0:40:20You gave my watch to a child?! Get it back.
0:40:20 > 0:40:26- The governor's banned me.- What?- But Nurse Haskell's given me permission.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29Has she? Where is the governor?
0:40:29 > 0:40:33- Hmm. A few judicious words from me...- That's it!
0:40:33 > 0:40:38- Then I can keep my promise to see Lindy.- And get my watch back.
0:40:38 > 0:40:43- He's in a nasty mood.- A donation will put that right. Money talks.
0:40:43 > 0:40:47Look here, Sir Hector. What is this about...?
0:40:47 > 0:40:50INAUDIBLE
0:41:09 > 0:41:15- You will not set foot in here again. Is that clear?- No, it is not.
0:41:15 > 0:41:21- Nurse Haskell gave him permission. - Oh, has she? We'll see about that.
0:41:21 > 0:41:24Oh, you'll get her into trouble.
0:41:24 > 0:41:28Children's ward. Send Nurse Haskell at once.
0:41:28 > 0:41:32Mr Grimsdale, the donation. Remember - money talks!
0:41:36 > 0:41:39INAUDIBLE
0:41:55 > 0:41:59Nurse Haskell, how dare you give permission...?!
0:41:59 > 0:42:02INAUDIBLE
0:42:16 > 0:42:19Give me a chance to explain...
0:42:19 > 0:42:22Nurse! Back to your ward at once.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32INAUDIBLE
0:42:35 > 0:42:38Come along. Outside.
0:42:41 > 0:42:46- It's your fault. Now we've both been banned.- Sorry, Mr Grimsdale.
0:42:46 > 0:42:51Never mind. We'll find a way to get in so you can keep your promise.
0:42:51 > 0:42:54- And you can get your watch back.- Oh.
0:42:56 > 0:43:01That's it! St John's Ambulance BRIGADE.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56INAUDIBLE
0:44:03 > 0:44:06Psst! Come up the front.
0:44:17 > 0:44:22So much for the theoretical application of first aid. Any questions?
0:44:22 > 0:44:25Please, sir. Sir.
0:44:26 > 0:44:32- Yes?- Er, when do we get our uniforms, sir?
0:44:32 > 0:44:35- You can have mine(!)- Thank you, sir.
0:44:39 > 0:44:42Sit down!
0:44:50 > 0:44:56You'll get your uniform when you pass your examination, not before.
0:44:56 > 0:45:03There will now be a practical demonstration of first aid. We shall need a volunteer patient.
0:45:03 > 0:45:08- Name? - Er...Pitkin.
0:45:08 > 0:45:11Stand over here, Pitkin, will you?
0:45:16 > 0:45:24Now, I want you to imagine that Pitkin here has fallen off a very high roof.
0:45:24 > 0:45:26He's broken both legs,
0:45:26 > 0:45:30broken both arms, fractured his pelvis,
0:45:30 > 0:45:33and he's fractured his skull.
0:45:33 > 0:45:37And he's been kicked in the face by a horse.
0:45:37 > 0:45:41- With iron hooves on(?)- If you like.
0:45:42 > 0:45:46You lie down and simulate the injuries I've described.
0:45:46 > 0:45:50Ooh! Aah! Oh, me broken legs!
0:45:50 > 0:45:55- Simulate on the table, where the class can see you.- Oh, yes. Sorry.
0:45:55 > 0:45:59- Ooh, aah...!- Keep quiet! You're unconscious!
0:46:01 > 0:46:07Now, I want you to remember that first aid, when administered promptly,
0:46:07 > 0:46:10 can save a patient's life.
0:46:10 > 0:46:15In the case of multiple injuries, speed is a VITAL factor.
0:46:15 > 0:46:20Now, Wilkinson and Jones on splints. Collect them from Mr Welsh.
0:46:20 > 0:46:25Redman, Brown - bandages. Collect them from Mr Stewart.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33Prepare to advance on patient...
0:46:33 > 0:46:36Wait for it! Ah...ah!
0:46:43 > 0:46:47N-No, don't! Don't! Ah!
0:46:49 > 0:46:50Faster!
0:47:04 > 0:47:08PHONE RINGS Answer the phone.
0:47:16 > 0:47:19- Emergency, sir. - What is it?
0:47:19 > 0:47:22Football, sir. The crowd's gone mad.
0:47:22 > 0:47:28Right, sound the alarm. Every available man on the ambulances.
0:47:28 > 0:47:33Hurry up. Quick as you can. Come on. Get going.
0:48:30 > 0:48:35Come on, there! All right. Step to it!
0:48:41 > 0:48:44Pitkin will miss all the excitement.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56Afternoon.
0:49:57 > 0:50:00What's he doing out of bed?!
0:50:14 > 0:50:18Seems like a new patient, Doctor. Yes.
0:50:18 > 0:50:22MUFFLED MUMBLING He appears restless.
0:50:22 > 0:50:27We'll quieten him down. Get him to the operating theatre.
0:50:27 > 0:50:30FRANTIC MUMBLING
0:50:33 > 0:50:36One hardly knows where to stick it.
0:50:43 > 0:50:49- Count.- There's nothing wrong with me!- Count!- One...two...
0:50:49 > 0:50:52three...fo-o-our...
0:50:52 > 0:50:54f...ive...
0:50:56 > 0:50:58..ix...
0:50:58 > 0:51:00seven-n...
0:51:00 > 0:51:02h-eight...
0:51:02 > 0:51:05How many?
0:51:05 > 0:51:07Ache...
0:51:09 > 0:51:13Remove the bandages in 15 minutes. Yes, Doctor.
0:51:21 > 0:51:25Don't move. What have you been up to?
0:51:25 > 0:51:28- HE SLURS:- Oh, it was terrible.
0:51:28 > 0:51:32I've been going round and round...
0:51:32 > 0:51:37Don't worry. The hospital can take care of you.
0:51:37 > 0:51:42- I've been banned from the hospital. - How did you get in then?
0:51:42 > 0:51:45Through the window.
0:51:45 > 0:51:48(Window?!) In the ambulance.
0:51:48 > 0:51:52ON it. On top of it.
0:51:53 > 0:51:58- On the roof.- Really(?) - But there's nothing wrong with me.
0:51:58 > 0:52:01Of course there isn't.
0:52:01 > 0:52:06Excuse me for a moment. I'll be straight back.
0:52:13 > 0:52:15Dr Meadows, please.
0:52:15 > 0:52:19Doctor, that accident case has just come round.
0:52:19 > 0:52:24He's saying the most peculiar things. Come at once.
0:52:51 > 0:52:55Nurse... He's gone! What?
0:53:23 > 0:53:26FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:53:32 > 0:53:35I'm so glad I'm off duty.
0:53:35 > 0:53:40There's a patient missing. A bit... you know. Are you going off duty?
0:53:40 > 0:53:47- HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: - Actually, I'm going on.- Poor you.
0:53:53 > 0:53:58I've got a date with Doctor Mason. Blue eyes and a Bentley to match.
0:53:58 > 0:54:03Cute, don't you think? Saves time. Have you got one?
0:54:03 > 0:54:06Er... Oo!
0:54:06 > 0:54:08No. N-Not yet.
0:54:08 > 0:54:11Better get my new face ready.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13Face?!
0:54:18 > 0:54:21Be a darling and hand me the towel.
0:54:32 > 0:54:35- Here you are.- I'm over here.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43Oh, clumsy!
0:54:54 > 0:54:59- Matron, what is going on?- One of the men patients has gone berserk.
0:54:59 > 0:55:06This WOULD happen. Keep him away from the main hall. I'm being interviewed by the press.
0:56:45 > 0:56:47Hello, Lindy.
0:56:50 > 0:56:53Lindy, hello.
0:56:53 > 0:56:57Lindy, it's me. Don't you know me?
0:56:57 > 0:56:59Nurse?
0:57:01 > 0:57:03Nurse.
0:57:15 > 0:57:18Mr Pitkin, why are you dressed like this?
0:57:18 > 0:57:25Well, they was going to operate so I had to put these on to get away.
0:57:25 > 0:57:29- So YOU'RE the escaped patient. - I expect so.
0:57:29 > 0:57:34Sorry I look so silly, but I had to keep my promise to see Lindy.
0:57:34 > 0:57:38- Don't be sorry. Lindy thinks the world of you.- Me?
0:57:38 > 0:57:44- Children are quick to sense a kind and loveable man.- Oh, er...
0:57:44 > 0:57:48What about grown-ups? Are they quick to...?
0:57:49 > 0:57:53You can't stay here. Remember what happened last time?
0:57:53 > 0:57:58- Can't I see Lindy for a minute...? - No work to do?
0:57:58 > 0:58:02Nurse...this is not your ward, is it?
0:58:02 > 0:58:05M-Me? Er...
0:58:05 > 0:58:09- No.- Well, what are you doing here?
0:58:09 > 0:58:14- A-ha, well...- He... She's just popped over from the men's ward.
0:58:14 > 0:58:17Hmm. Popped over...
0:58:17 > 0:58:21I was going to borrow a...whatsitsname.
0:58:21 > 0:58:26- You're new here, aren't you? - Ah, er...yes. Very, very new.
0:58:26 > 0:58:29You're on probation.
0:58:29 > 0:58:35Oh, er, no, but I-I will be if I get caught.
0:58:42 > 0:58:44Extraordinary girl!
0:58:58 > 0:59:00Nurse!
0:59:05 > 0:59:08HE MOANS
0:59:19 > 0:59:22What is wrong? What do you want?
0:59:22 > 0:59:27- HE MOUTHS - I can't hear a word you're saying.
0:59:27 > 0:59:31What? Oh, dear. Speak up.
0:59:35 > 0:59:37Nurse!
0:59:50 > 0:59:52Bed number five.
1:00:12 > 1:00:16- NORMAL VOICE: - I thought it was...
1:00:16 > 1:00:18two boiled eggs, bread and butter
1:00:18 > 1:00:21- HIGH-PITCHED:- and a pot of tea.
1:00:21 > 1:00:24Report to my office immediately.
1:00:35 > 1:00:40Excuse me, sir. Do you think we could have a nurse to pose with you?
1:00:40 > 1:00:43They're much too busy.
1:00:53 > 1:00:57Oh, nurse! Just one moment, dear.
1:00:57 > 1:01:05- How would you like to have your picture taken with Sir Hector? - Me? I can hardly say no, can I?
1:01:09 > 1:01:13- Hello, again.- Oh, er, hello. - Hold it!
1:01:15 > 1:01:18- Please, not my arm.- One more.
1:01:18 > 1:01:20Wait, wait.
1:01:24 > 1:01:27HE SOBS
1:01:27 > 1:01:31- What's the matter, dear? - He sloshed me.
1:01:31 > 1:01:33(Shh! They'll hate me.)
1:01:33 > 1:01:36- Well, you hurt me.- Well, I'm sorry!
1:01:40 > 1:01:44- Now, in the car. - Bags the driving seat!
1:01:44 > 1:01:48I really don't think I can do this, you know.
1:01:48 > 1:01:52- But- I- want to. - I don't care what you want!
1:01:52 > 1:01:55They'll hate you, and so will I.
1:01:55 > 1:01:57Oh, all right.
1:01:58 > 1:02:01Dear, may I have your leg out?
1:02:01 > 1:02:04And just over... And perhaps just...
1:02:04 > 1:02:06Oh, yes, yes!
1:02:06 > 1:02:12- SIR HECTOR CLEARS THROAT - Oh, you devil!- Pretty.
1:02:16 > 1:02:19Thank you. Could we have just one more?
1:02:19 > 1:02:24- Really!- We'd like the car by the thermometer. Drive the car round.
1:02:24 > 1:02:30- But I can't...- What are you waiting for?- I can't drive.- She can't drive.
1:02:30 > 1:02:33- We'll push you. - That's the gear lever!
1:02:36 > 1:02:40- GEARS GRIND - Leave it alone!
1:02:47 > 1:02:49Look out!
1:02:54 > 1:02:56CRASH! SMASH!
1:02:58 > 1:03:03- Oh, I am a silly girl. - You're a daft, stupid idiot!
1:03:03 > 1:03:05YOU!
1:03:07 > 1:03:13If I find you here again, I personally will throw you out.
1:03:13 > 1:03:15In fact, I shall do it now!
1:03:17 > 1:03:22Come here! If I get hold of you, I'll...!
1:03:22 > 1:03:24Get out and STAY out!
1:03:42 > 1:03:44It wasn't your fault, then?
1:03:44 > 1:03:47No. I said I couldn't drive.
1:03:47 > 1:03:50They'll probably blame you anyway.
1:03:50 > 1:03:53They've no sense of fair play.
1:03:53 > 1:03:56I've got to get back to see Lindy.
1:03:56 > 1:04:01- You should have stayed as a patient. - They was going to operate on me!
1:04:01 > 1:04:06- If I'd had an ordinary illness... - Pitkin, that's a very good idea.
1:04:06 > 1:04:11- What?- Suppose I shut you in the refrigerator.- It's bloomin' cold!
1:04:11 > 1:04:16That's just it. After an hour you'd develop double pneumonia.
1:04:16 > 1:04:22Could I stay in for half an hour and just have single pneumonia?
1:04:22 > 1:04:26Let's not spoil the ship for ha'p'orth of tar.
1:04:26 > 1:04:29That little girl's lost without you.
1:04:43 > 1:04:45Amy, what time is it?
1:04:45 > 1:04:48Three o'clock.
1:04:48 > 1:04:50Let me know when it's four.
1:05:21 > 1:05:26Don't cry. Mr Pitkin did come and see you, only you were asleep.
1:05:26 > 1:05:31He DID, darling, and I'm sure he'll come again.
1:05:40 > 1:05:44You said at four o'clock I was to remind you.
1:05:44 > 1:05:48Yes, yes. My watch stopped.
1:05:48 > 1:05:52Wind it up, then. What time IS it? Five.
1:05:52 > 1:05:55Five?! Ring up Dr Carsdale at once!
1:05:55 > 1:05:58Pitkin, time's up!
1:06:11 > 1:06:16Good afternoon, Doctor. I came as quickly as I...
1:06:17 > 1:06:21..could. How long's he been there? About an hour.
1:06:21 > 1:06:25Yes, well, I'll just go and...
1:06:29 > 1:06:31I think he's thawed out nicely.
1:06:31 > 1:06:35Here we are. Let me give you a hand.
1:06:37 > 1:06:42Now, will you undo his...? His feet. Righto.
1:06:48 > 1:06:51Double pneumonia?
1:06:51 > 1:06:56Get some dry clothes on. You'll catch a cold. Good day.
1:06:57 > 1:07:00- Hey!- I let you down, didn't I?
1:07:00 > 1:07:08- I've done my utmost to get you into that hospital.- I appreciate that. How can I get to see Lindy?
1:07:08 > 1:07:14You're obviously immune to illness, so you'll have to have an accident.
1:07:14 > 1:07:17I won't let 'em operate on me.
1:07:17 > 1:07:21Don't be a coward. They'll use an anaesthetic.
1:07:22 > 1:07:24What do you say, lad?
1:07:31 > 1:07:37- Just throw yourself into the middle of the road.- I might get killed.
1:07:37 > 1:07:41Stop fussing. Here's a nice, safe one coming.
1:07:43 > 1:07:47- That old one?! - Beggars can't be choosers.
1:07:47 > 1:07:51- Give us a push. - You're not getting me into trouble.
1:07:51 > 1:07:55Just shut your eyes, count to three and dive.
1:07:58 > 1:08:01One...two...
1:08:01 > 1:08:03three!
1:08:09 > 1:08:15Oi! I nearly shifted my load! Get out of it! Don't you know your Highway Code?!
1:08:15 > 1:08:18MUFFLED CHEERING
1:08:26 > 1:08:30- Pitkin!- Oh, no, Mr Grimsdale. Not that!
1:08:30 > 1:08:33- No. I've got a good idea.- What?
1:08:33 > 1:08:37I've been taking risks to try and get you injured,
1:08:37 > 1:08:43when the easy way to get in is to HAVE a patient, not BE a patient.
1:08:45 > 1:08:50- So all we need is a patient.- Yeah. - And uniforms.- And uniforms...
1:08:50 > 1:08:54Trust you, Pitkin, to ruin my best ideas.
1:08:54 > 1:09:01How many more times must I tell you that the only way to get a uniform is to pass the examination?
1:09:01 > 1:09:08- If we need a patient and uniforms, it might surprise you to know that - I- have got an idea.
1:09:52 > 1:09:55Open the doors! Oi!
1:09:58 > 1:10:01I know a short cut.
1:10:07 > 1:10:10CAR HORN
1:10:48 > 1:10:51OWL HOOTS
1:11:23 > 1:11:25Come in.
1:11:26 > 1:11:32- Sorry to disturb you.- Something wrong?- Lindy's running a temperature.
1:11:32 > 1:11:37- I'll ring Doctor Davis.- It's not a doctor she needs, it's Mr Pitkin.
1:11:37 > 1:11:41- Really! I won't go over that again. - But, Matron...
1:11:41 > 1:11:45Sir Hector has ruled that he's not to come here any more.
1:11:45 > 1:11:51- What's the trouble, Matron?- Nothing, Sir Hector.- But...- Nurse! You may go.
1:11:51 > 1:11:55Won't you reconsider your banning Mr Pitkin?
1:11:55 > 1:11:59- I will not!- But his visits have done nothing but good.
1:11:59 > 1:12:05Rubbish. I won't tolerate him being within a mile of the building.
1:12:11 > 1:12:14Whoa, Pitkin! We did it.
1:12:14 > 1:12:19Thanks for the lift. I live just over the road.
1:12:22 > 1:12:26Don't worry. I'll get you in there somehow.
1:12:26 > 1:12:30I'm going in now! I'll just walk straight in!
1:12:30 > 1:12:34Why don't you wait? I'll have another idea soon.
1:12:34 > 1:12:38Only if it concerns getting your watch back.
1:12:38 > 1:12:42- I'm very proud of my watch. - Shut up about your watch.
1:12:42 > 1:12:47Don't talk to me like that. You're still in my employ.
1:12:47 > 1:12:50You mean I WAS.
1:12:50 > 1:12:55I've got it! I've got an idea. Now, trust me, Pitkin, just once more.
1:12:55 > 1:13:01- Well...- Ah! There you are. Sunshine Ball tonight on television.
1:13:01 > 1:13:06Just get in front of the camera, wave and let Lindy see you on TV.
1:13:06 > 1:13:09You've seen 'em do it.
1:13:10 > 1:13:14- That's it. - How are we going to get in?
1:13:14 > 1:13:22Ah! St John Ambulance Brigade Ball, and we are wearing St John Ambulance Brigade uniforms.
1:13:25 > 1:13:29How will Lindy find out I'll be on television?
1:13:30 > 1:13:33Say it with flowers.
1:13:34 > 1:13:37- Mr Pitkin sent these.- Oh.
1:13:39 > 1:13:42They're for Lindy. Thank you, Nurse.
1:13:51 > 1:13:55Lindy, Mr Pitkin sent you some flowers.
1:13:55 > 1:13:59He hasn't forgotten you. And a note.
1:14:26 > 1:14:29Can I, er, help you, sir?
1:14:29 > 1:14:32It's all right. We're on duty.
1:14:32 > 1:14:38Er, fainting cases, people who've drunk too much and punch-ups, er...
1:14:38 > 1:14:40Round the back.
1:14:40 > 1:14:43Eh? What d'you mean...?!
1:14:48 > 1:14:52SWING BAND PLAYS "You Do Something To Me"
1:15:06 > 1:15:09There's the television camera over there.
1:15:09 > 1:15:14- Come on... - Let's forget it. It's too risky.
1:15:14 > 1:15:18- No! Lindy's watching television. - But, Pitkin...
1:15:18 > 1:15:22Oo! I've got the most terrible headache.
1:15:22 > 1:15:26I'll ask one of those first-aid men for an aspirin.
1:15:27 > 1:15:31- All right. Have it your own way. - I will.
1:15:31 > 1:15:34- Excuse me?- Certainly.
1:17:03 > 1:17:07Good evening and welcome to the Arlington Hotel,
1:17:07 > 1:17:12where we're holding a ball in aid of the Children's Sunshine Home.
1:17:12 > 1:17:16And now I'll introduce our guest of honour,
1:17:16 > 1:17:19delightful, charming, generous Lady Brinkley.
1:17:19 > 1:17:23Lindy, it's much too late for television.
1:17:23 > 1:17:27But I must watch. I'm sorry. Bed.
1:17:27 > 1:17:30Please, Nurse. Come on.
1:17:31 > 1:17:35Tonight you will see, amongst other items of entertainment,
1:17:35 > 1:17:40a display by our own St John's Ambulance Brigade Band.
1:17:40 > 1:17:43This fine body of men...
1:17:44 > 1:17:49..each volunteered to train in the arts of music and marching
1:17:49 > 1:17:57just as enthusiastically as they dedicate themselves to the sick, with the same purpose in mind...
1:17:58 > 1:18:01..charity. Ladies and gentlemen...
1:18:01 > 1:18:04Ch...OW! Charity.
1:18:06 > 1:18:13- Everything all right? - Fine, except I found Lindy watching TV in the nurses' pantry.
1:18:31 > 1:18:35- Lindy's gone. I think I know where she is.- But...
1:18:35 > 1:18:37DRUM ROLL
1:18:37 > 1:18:44Ladies and gentlemen, if you will kindly clear the floor, it is cabaret time. Thank you.
1:18:46 > 1:18:50Pitkin, you've gone too far. Come on. Let's go.
1:19:29 > 1:19:31Can't you go any faster?
1:19:38 > 1:19:44Hey! It's a bit late for a little lady to be out for a walk, isn't it?
1:19:44 > 1:19:48I'm going to see Mr Pitkin at the Arlington Hotel.
1:19:48 > 1:19:53Funny thing. We're going that way. We'll give you a lift.
1:20:22 > 1:20:25This lady wishes to see Mr Pitkin.
1:20:25 > 1:20:27Lindy?
1:20:27 > 1:20:30Lindy, you shouldn't be here.
1:20:30 > 1:20:34I want to see Mr Pitkin. I know he's here.
1:20:34 > 1:20:37- But, Lindy...- Please.
1:20:37 > 1:20:41Take her up on the balcony. You'll be out of the way.
1:20:41 > 1:20:44All right. Come on.
1:20:46 > 1:20:48Stand by.
1:21:04 > 1:21:06Right.
1:21:06 > 1:21:09By the centre, quick march!
1:21:13 > 1:21:16BAND PLAYS MARCH
1:21:17 > 1:21:21PITKIN PLAYS RANDOM, OFF-KEY NOTES
1:24:49 > 1:24:53MUSIC FALTERS AND STOPS
1:25:36 > 1:25:38PARP!
1:25:51 > 1:25:54All right! Enjoy yourselves.
1:25:56 > 1:26:00Go on, enjoy yourselves! Laugh!
1:26:00 > 1:26:03Laugh your heads off.
1:26:05 > 1:26:10There's nothing in 'em, anyway. Only your own selfish thoughts.
1:26:12 > 1:26:17"What shall we do, darling?" "There's a dance at the Arlington."
1:26:17 > 1:26:21Well, it's not a dance, it's a charity ball,
1:26:21 > 1:26:26to collect money for the new Children's Sunshine Home,
1:26:26 > 1:26:32for people who don't even know what the inside of a place like this looks like.
1:26:32 > 1:26:38All right, maybe I did make one or two mistakes,
1:26:38 > 1:26:45but if you'd given some money, they wouldn't have been forced to have this ball!
1:26:49 > 1:26:57A little charity could've paid for a seaside holiday and maybe a stick of rock for children like Lindy,
1:26:57 > 1:26:59but you don't understand giving,
1:26:59 > 1:27:06you only understand about enjoying yourselves. Well, go on, then. Everybody dance!
1:27:46 > 1:27:50- Lady Brinkley, your bracelet! - Why ever not?
1:27:50 > 1:27:54- And your necklace? You're too kind.- Pleasure.
1:27:54 > 1:27:57Darling, too, too kind.
1:27:58 > 1:28:04- We must find that small person and thank him.- I shall do so immediately.
1:28:04 > 1:28:09Come on, lad. Don't take it to heart. You've done your best.
1:28:09 > 1:28:11< Mr Pitkin!
1:28:15 > 1:28:20- Oh, Lindy.- You couldn't come to see me, so I came to see you.
1:28:22 > 1:28:25- I'm better now.- You are, aren't you?
1:28:31 > 1:28:35She's so well she'll be leaving us soon.
1:28:37 > 1:28:39Thanks to you.
1:28:39 > 1:28:47So...you mean...there won't be any need for us to try to get into the hospital any more, then?
1:28:47 > 1:28:49No.
1:28:49 > 1:28:51Pitkin!
1:28:54 > 1:28:56- Bye, Lindy!- Pitkin!
1:28:56 > 1:28:59TYRES SCREECH
1:29:10 > 1:29:16Good news. Sir Hector's allowed you to have a visitor. Here she is.
1:29:21 > 1:29:25- Look what I've brought.- Cor... Ow!
1:29:25 > 1:29:31- Are you uncomfortable?- Would you raise my leg a bit?- Can- I- do it?
1:30:08 > 1:30:13Subtitles by Neil Gemmill BBC Scotland - 1997