0:00:02 > 0:00:07This film contains some strong language.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45'There was a time, a time before cable,
0:00:45 > 0:00:49'when the local anchorman reigned supreme...
0:00:53 > 0:00:56..when people believed everything they heard on TV.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00'This was an age when ugly men were allowed to read the news.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06'And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09'His name was Ron Burgundy.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14'He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19'He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr,
0:01:19 > 0:01:23'and suits so fine, they made Sinatra look like a hobo.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26'In other words, Ron Burgundy...
0:01:26 > 0:01:28'was the balls.'
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Mmm... I look good.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I mean, really good.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40HEY, EVERYONE! COME AND SEE HOW GOOD I LOOK!
0:01:42 > 0:01:45GROANING WARM-UP VOCALS
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Habba-dabba-dabba...
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Huh... Er...
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Mm! Ribs. I had ribs for lunch.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55That's why I'm doing this.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57How now, brown cow.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58How now, brown cow.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00How now, brown cow.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03How are you? You look awfully nice today.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Maybe don't wear a bra next time.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10No, I was talking to you.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12No, not her. I don't know her name.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13What is it?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Lanolin?!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Lan... Lanolin, like sheep's wool?!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Unique New York.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Unique New York.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Mmm, I love Scotch.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29# I love Scotch! Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch...
0:02:29 > 0:02:32# Here it goes down, down into my belly, mm-mm-mm... #
0:02:32 > 0:02:34The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet!
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Time to shot? 30?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- 30 seconds?- You...
0:02:39 > 0:02:41I'm on right now?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44I don't believe you. But...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- Ahem...- Ron?- What?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Oh, come on, Audrey!
0:02:48 > 0:02:49I look like hell!
0:02:49 > 0:02:50I got bags under my eyes.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53What's that? Well, if you were a man,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I'd punch you right in the mouth.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57That's bush. Bush League.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Ahem... The human torch was denied a bank loan.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03YOU HEAR ME?! AUDREY! LOOK AT ME!
0:03:03 > 0:03:07I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09# Ho, ho! Ho, ho-ho-ho!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11# Ho-ho-ho! #
0:03:11 > 0:03:15HE ROARS AND YELLS
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- All right, we're on. - 'Argh...!'
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- Ready, Phil? - We're on in five, four...
0:03:21 > 0:03:24'When the clock struck six, it meant one thing
0:03:24 > 0:03:28'to Ron Burgundy and his news team - go-time!'
0:03:28 > 0:03:30'Channel 4 News, with five-time
0:03:30 > 0:03:32'Emmy-award-winning anchor
0:03:32 > 0:03:35'Ron Burgundy...
0:03:35 > 0:03:37'Champ Kind, sports,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40'Brick Tamland, weather...
0:03:43 > 0:03:45'..and your reporter in the field,
0:03:45 > 0:03:46'Brian Fantana.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52'It's Channel 4 News at six o'clock!'
0:03:55 > 0:03:59I'm Ron Burgundy, and this is what's happening in your world tonight.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital
0:04:03 > 0:04:08after being viciously attacked by wild dogs in an abandoned pool.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up! Ron Burgundy's on.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Oh...
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- Ron Burgundy.- Oh, my God! She said her first words!
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Right now, it's 82 degrees in our fair city,
0:04:23 > 0:04:26and compare that to 48 degrees in the upper Northwest
0:04:26 > 0:04:29and 38 degrees in the Middle East.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday, one lucky cameraman happened to catch
0:04:34 > 0:04:36an unusual aquatic daredevil.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40What you're about to see is a Channel 4 News exclusive.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44'His name is Nutty the Squirrel and he's three years old.'
0:04:44 > 0:04:47How 'bout that?! HE CHUCKLES
0:04:47 > 0:04:49That squirrel can water-ski!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Yeah, that's hilarious!- Yeah!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59For all of us here at News Center 4, I'm Ron Burgundy.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02You stay classy, San Diego.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06ALL: You stay classy, San Diego!
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Listen up! The ratings just came in for last month.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12We are number one! We just grabbed every key demographic!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14THEY ALL CHEER
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Super-duper! That's nice! Way to go! Neat-o, gang!
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Yes!
0:05:19 > 0:05:24That is good news. That is good news!
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Stick around. Make sure these guys don't party too much.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- They don't really ever listen to me, Ed.- Just get it done.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention?
0:05:34 > 0:05:39I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46CANNONBALL!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48THEY ALL CHEER
0:05:50 > 0:05:53'Yes, these fellas were a real news team.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56'Burgundy, of course, was the foundation - the rock.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00'But each member brought their own special something to the equation.'
0:06:00 > 0:06:04People call me the Bri-Man. I'm the stylish one of the group.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I know what you're asking yourself. And the answer is yes -
0:06:07 > 0:06:11I've a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westphal
0:06:15 > 0:06:18and my right one is Dr Kenneth Noisewater.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21You ladies play your cards right, you just might meet the whole gang.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23ANIMATED CHATTER
0:06:23 > 0:06:25..every Friday night!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun -
0:06:29 > 0:06:32you know, get a couple of cocktails in me,
0:06:32 > 0:06:34start a fire in someone's kitchen,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37maybe go to Sea World, take my pants off.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Anyway, I've become kinda famous for my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!",
0:06:41 > 0:06:44as in Gene Tennis at the plate...
0:06:44 > 0:06:47AND WHAMMY!
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- WHAMMY! - LAUGHTER
0:06:55 > 0:06:59I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite
0:06:59 > 0:07:03and I'm rarely late. I like to eat ice cream
0:07:03 > 0:07:06and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an IQ of 48
0:07:11 > 0:07:15and am what some people call... "mentally retarded".
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Hello! >
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Woo! Walk-through! Photo!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- THEY BOTH LAUGH - You having a good time?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- I'm having a great time. - That makes two of us.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Ron, you gotta meet this girl.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30She used to be a cheerleader, but then she broke her pelvis.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- ..Sherry! Meet Ron Burgundy. - Hey, Ron.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- Hello. - I've got a big story for you -
0:07:35 > 0:07:40- and it's right here. - Well, hell-oh!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42THEY BOTH LAUGH You pointed to your boobies!
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- THEY ALL LAUGH - Oh, my God! You did!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47THEY ALL LAUGH
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- Ron Burgundy?!- Yes!
0:07:49 > 0:07:53I've had a crush on you since I was a little girl.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- Oh!- Let's go somewhere. - It don't get no better than this.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01We've been coming to the same party for 12 years now...
0:08:01 > 0:08:03and in no way is that depressing. THEY ALL LAUGH
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Mmm... Ah!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12# She got the way to move it, yeah
0:08:12 > 0:08:15# She got the way to prove it
0:08:15 > 0:08:17# She got the way to move it
0:08:17 > 0:08:20# She got the way to prove it... #
0:08:23 > 0:08:25By the beard of Zeus!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Excuse me.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Ron, where are you going? What, are you crazy?! Ron!
0:08:36 > 0:08:40..there on the baseline, you got a home plate!
0:08:40 > 0:08:43So there I go, head-first, boom...
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I've lost her!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Oh...
0:09:00 > 0:09:07MUSIC: "Use Me," by Bill Withers
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Hello.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Hello.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, er...
0:09:14 > 0:09:16I saw you from across the party and...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18I don't usually do this, but...
0:09:18 > 0:09:20I felt compelled to tell you something.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27You have an absolutely breathtaking...
0:09:27 > 0:09:28heinie.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31I mean, that thing's good.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33I want to be friends with it.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- Now, if you'll excuse me... - Do you know who I am?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45No. I can't say that I do.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I don't know how to put this,
0:09:48 > 0:09:50but...
0:09:50 > 0:09:52I'm kind of a big deal.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56- Really?- People know me.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- I'm very happy for you. - I'm very important, er...
0:09:59 > 0:10:02I have... many leather-bound books
0:10:02 > 0:10:05and my apartment...
0:10:05 > 0:10:08smells of rich mahogany. I...
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I mean...
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- That sounded stupid. - No! No, it's...
0:10:14 > 0:10:16very exciting.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Listen, can... Can I start over again?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Sure.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I want to say something. I want to put it out there.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28If you like it, you can take it. If you don't, send it right back.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I want to be on you.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Wait!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Wait, wait, wait! I...
0:10:42 > 0:10:43I want to be on you.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55HE HUMS
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Yoo-hoo! Baxter!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Poppa's home!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05There he is! There's my little man.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08You OK? BAXTER BARKS
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Of course I met a lady tonight. BAXTER BARKS
0:11:11 > 0:11:14This one was different, to be honest.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Quite different. BAXTER BARKS
0:11:17 > 0:11:21What? I'm lonely?! I'm not lonely!
0:11:21 > 0:11:24I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27BAXTER BARKS
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Well...
0:11:30 > 0:11:33..you know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36You're so wise.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41Like a...miniature Buddha, covered in hair.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43BAXTER BARKS Come again?
0:11:43 > 0:11:47BAXTER BARKS You know I don't speak Spanish!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49In English, please. BAXTER BARKS
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Huh?! You pooped in the refrigerator?!
0:11:52 > 0:11:55BAXTER BARKS And you ate a whole...
0:11:55 > 0:11:57BAXTER BARKS ..wheel of cheese?
0:11:57 > 0:11:58How'd you do that?
0:11:58 > 0:12:02I'm not even mad. That's amazing. HE CHUCKLES
0:12:02 > 0:12:04BAXTER BARKS I forgive you.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Let's get you in your PJs and hit the hay.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09BAXTER BARKS Bedtime!
0:12:09 > 0:12:11OK, come on. Let's go. Come on!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25HE SNORES GENTLY
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Oh, that was one crazy party. I am...
0:12:27 > 0:12:30hung ov-eur...
0:12:30 > 0:12:35I woke up this morning in some Japanese family's rec room...
0:12:36 > 0:12:39..and they would not... stop screaming.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Oh, yeah. I ate a big red candle.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46- All right, guys, let's focus up. - Morning, everyone.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Here are the stories we'll be chasing today.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54It looks like Ling Wong, the rare panda at the San Diego zoo,
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- is pregnant.- This is a big one!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59This could be the big story of the summer.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Network will want plenty of coverage.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06Speaking of network, word on the street is, they want a new anchor,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- so, Ron... - Huh? Network? Are they here?
0:13:14 > 0:13:18The affiliates have been complaining about a lack of diversity
0:13:18 > 0:13:20on the news team.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- What in the hell's "diversity"? - Well, I could be wrong,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34but I believe Diversity is an old, old wooden ship
0:13:34 > 0:13:37that was used during the Civil War era.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41The affiliates wouldn't be concerned about the lack of an old, old ship,
0:13:41 > 0:13:46but nice try. Diversity means that times are changing,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48and with that in mind...
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Ron, are you paying attention?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- No.- Well, this concerns all of us.- OK.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Keeping that in mind, I'd like to introduce the latest addition
0:13:57 > 0:13:59to the KVWN news team,
0:13:59 > 0:14:04directly from WYPN in Ashville, North Carolina,
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Ms...
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Veronica Corningstone.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11MUSIC "Who's That Lady," by The Isley Brothers
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Hello, everyone.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17I just want you all to know that I look forward to contributing
0:14:17 > 0:14:21to this news station's already-sterling reputation.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28Come on, Ed, it's bullcrap! Don't get me wrong - I LOVE the ladies.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31They rev my engine. But they don't belong in a newsroom!
0:14:31 > 0:14:38It is anchorman, not anchorlady, and that is a scientific fact!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!
0:14:42 > 0:14:46- You're with us, Ron. What do you think?- Sh... IT'S TERRIBLE!
0:14:46 > 0:14:50- SHE HAS BEAUTIFUL EYES AND HER HAIR SMELLS LIKE CINNAMON!- Mm-hm!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52LOUD NOISES!
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Everyone relax. She's not going to take anyone's airtime.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I read somewhere that their periods attract bears!
0:14:59 > 0:15:04- Bears can smell the menstruation! - Well, that's just great(!)
0:15:04 > 0:15:08You hear that? Bears. You're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11I will say one thing for her.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14She does have a nice big old bee-hind.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- and just... - HE HOWLS
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Stop! Oh, Jesus!
0:15:22 > 0:15:23HE BARKS
0:15:23 > 0:15:25HE HOWLS
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Ooh, look at that full-moon butt! Look at it!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- HE HOWLS - Champ! Champ!
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Mr Harken, I was wondering if you knew when my office would be ready?
0:15:35 > 0:15:40That might take some time. For now, just grab a desk in the bullpen.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41YOU CAN USE MY OFFICE,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44AND AFTERWARDS, MAYBE WE CAN GO TO LUNCH!
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Lower your voice, Ron.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Right. Thank you. I'll go get my desk set up.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Oh, she is a saucy momma! I mean, I would...
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- VERONICA:- 'Oh! Here we go again.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10'Every station, it's the same.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14'Women ask me how I put up with it. Well, I don't really have a choice.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17'This is definitely a man's world.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20'But while they're laughing and grab-assing,
0:16:20 > 0:16:24'I'm chasing down leads and practising my non-regional diction.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27'The only way to win is to be the best - the very best.'
0:16:33 > 0:16:37The best thing to do with this Corningstone, to keep her in line,
0:16:37 > 0:16:41- is bed her quick. - That bee-hind is driving me loco!
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- I'm like a night-wolf! - HE HOWLS
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Guys, take it easy! Take it easy! She's got feelings, too.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Wha...? Oh, my God! Listen to Burgundy!
0:16:51 > 0:16:55He's gone soft on us, like some schoolboy bitch.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59- You sound like a gay. - THEY ALL LAUGH
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Hey! Come on! It's me, Poppa Burgundy, all right?
0:17:02 > 0:17:06As far as I'm concerned, Corningstone's fair game.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Huh? Let the games begin! Hey-oh!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- Hey-oh! - There he is. There he is.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I'm very aroused.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22LAUGHTER What's this?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Well, well, well.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30Ron Burgundy... and the Channel 4 news team.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Hello, Wes Mantooth. Hello, Evening News team.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Nice clothes. I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40HE LAUGHS
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Am I right, or am I right? Look at these guys!
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Hey! Where did you get those clothes?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50At the...toilet store?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy?
0:17:55 > 0:17:57You're about to get a serious beat-down.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00I will smash your face into a car windshield
0:18:00 > 0:18:05and then take your mother Dorothy out for a nice seafood dinner
0:18:05 > 0:18:07and never call her again!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me?!
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! - Hey, leave the mothers out of this,
0:18:14 > 0:18:16all right?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20It's unnecessary.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Besides,
0:18:21 > 0:18:25I'm sure Wes here is...just upset
0:18:25 > 0:18:28over finishing second in the ratings again.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- Ooh... - That's uncalled for, Burgundy.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34You know those ratings systems are flawed.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38They don't take into account houses that have more than two TV sets...
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- and other things of that nature. - I have to take you at your word,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45number two. THEY CHUCKLE
0:18:47 > 0:18:51You have a great day, fellas. We'll see you round the bend.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59'Scusez-moi, numero two...
0:19:01 > 0:19:06Hey! Burgundy! You know those sample audiences aren't big enough!
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Stop hiding behind those phoney numbers! I'm coming after you!
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you!
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Can't say one word? Even that guy who can't think says something!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22You guys just stand there?! Come on!
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase...
0:19:27 > 0:19:31I have no idea where he would've gotten hold of German pornography.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37You and I are adults. We've seen our share of pornographic materials...
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Oh, you never have? Of course you haven't.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43How stupid of me. Neither have I. I was speaking in generalities.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- Ed, she insisted on coming in. - Mr Harken, sir,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55I will not have my first story at this news station
0:19:55 > 0:19:57be about a cat fashion show.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Ms Corningstone, you'll do the stories to which you are assigned.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Mr Harken, I am a damn good journalist,
0:20:05 > 0:20:09and this cat-show thing is grade-A baloney.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12It is not baloney! Now, go do your job, missy!
0:20:12 > 0:20:13It is baloney!
0:20:18 > 0:20:19Baloney!
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Hey, Ron! I'm going to take a run at the new girl.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- Let the games begin! - HE HOWLS
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Champ, Champ...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28We're not really going to do that.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- We were just flapping our... - Oh, yeah! You kill me!
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Let me just grab this...
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Oh, sorry about that! Whammy!
0:20:37 > 0:20:41- Er, Champ?- Yeah?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- You're trying to touch my breasts, aren't you?- What can I say?
0:20:44 > 0:20:49I like the way you're put together. What do you say we go on a date -
0:20:49 > 0:20:53have some chicken, maybe some sex - you know, see what happens?
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Oh, let me get this over here.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Oof!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Sorry.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02There it is.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06I'll give this cookie an hour before we're doin' the no-pants dance.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- HE CHUCKLES - Time to musk up.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Wow!
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Never ceases to amaze me.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17What cologne you going to go with?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20London Gentleman, or... Wait.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23No. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight!
0:21:23 > 0:21:26No. She gets a special cologne.
0:21:26 > 0:21:32It's called Sex Panther, by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Yep - it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39- It's quite pungent.- Oh, yeah.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42It's a formidable scent!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- Stings the nostrils. In a good way.- Yeah.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Brian, that smells like pure gasoline.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53They've done studies, you know. 60 percent of the time,
0:21:53 > 0:21:55it works...every time.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57That doesn't make sense.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Well... - HE CRACKS HIS KNUCKLES
0:21:59 > 0:22:02..let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04HE GROWLS
0:22:04 > 0:22:06SHE SIGHS
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite
0:22:09 > 0:22:10I'd like to extend your way.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17My God... What is that smell?!
0:22:17 > 0:22:21- Ugh! - That's the smell of desire, m'lady.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23God, no! It smells like...
0:22:23 > 0:22:25like a used diaper,
0:22:25 > 0:22:27filled with Indian food! Oh! Excuse me...
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Desire smells like that to some people.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34What is that? It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!
0:22:34 > 0:22:35THEY ALL GROAN
0:22:35 > 0:22:37SHE RETCHES
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Ugh! Smells like Bigfoot's dick!
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- SCREAMING - Oh...
0:22:44 > 0:22:46ALARM WAILS
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Ugh, what's that smell?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49HE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY
0:22:52 > 0:22:57- This is worse than the time the racoon got in the copier!- Yeah!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00It's very distracting. All right, so when we get to the pet shop...
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- COUGHING:- Look over here.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- Excuse me, Veronica.- Ahem...
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- Yes, what is it, Brick? - I would like to extend to you...
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- an invitation to the pants party. - Excuse me?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16The...party. The pants...
0:23:16 > 0:23:19With pants. Party with pants.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and I'm invited?
0:23:23 > 0:23:24That's it!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Hm! Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29No... Yes.
0:23:29 > 0:23:34OK. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- Very well. Ian! Would you like to go to a party in my pants?- No, Brick.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40All right! Let's go!
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- All right... - CRASHING
0:23:45 > 0:23:47I'm all right! I'm all right!
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I'm telling you, she is a real ball-buster.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52A real ice-queen!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Mmm! I just burned my tongue.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57The only way to bag a classy lady
0:23:57 > 0:24:00is to give her two tickets to the gun show...
0:24:03 > 0:24:05..and see if she likes the goods.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06GRUNTING
0:24:06 > 0:24:09One thousand one...
0:24:09 > 0:24:12one thousand two...
0:24:12 > 0:24:14- Agh...- Er, Mr Burgundy?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- One thousand three...- Helen said that you needed to see me.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Oh, Miss Corningstone! I wasn't expecting company.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23HE GROANS
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Just doing my work-out. Tuesday's arms and back.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- You asked me to come by, sir.- Did I?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- Yes.- Argh!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Oh! Oh, it's a deep burn!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Oh, it's so deep!
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Agh! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm because I did so many.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- Did you hear me counting? I did over a thousand.- Oh...
0:24:46 > 0:24:50You have your uvulus muscle, which connects to the...upper dorsimus.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53It's boring, but it's part of my life.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I'll just grab this shirt, if you don't mind.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Just watch out for the guns. They'll get ya!
0:24:58 > 0:24:59HE CHUCKLES
0:24:59 > 0:25:04You are pathetic. This has to be the feeblest pick-up attempt
0:25:04 > 0:25:08that I have ever encountered. I expected it from the rest of them,
0:25:08 > 0:25:10- but not from you.- Wait a minute!
0:25:10 > 0:25:15Pick-up attempt? I'm offended! I have very little time to get the gym,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18so I have to sculpt my guns at the office!
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Oh! Stop calling your arms guns!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Look...
0:25:23 > 0:25:28my plan was to ask you... if I could squire you about town
0:25:28 > 0:25:32as one professional helping another, because I know what it's like...
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- to be lonely in a new city.- Really?
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Yes! But now I am...
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I'm too hurt,
0:25:40 > 0:25:44and shocked and offended and...hurt.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- I could do that.- Really?
0:25:47 > 0:25:52Yes. As a journalist, I should get to know the city I'm covering.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54But this is not a date!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57No! Of course not. Strictly professional.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Wonderful.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Great.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05So I pick you up...eight o'clock?
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- Nine.- Ahem...
0:26:10 > 0:26:14- Downstairs?- Mr Burgundy, you have a massive erection.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Really?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Yes, I do. Er...
0:26:20 > 0:26:22I'm sorry. It's the...
0:26:22 > 0:26:23It's the pleats.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27It's actually an optical illusion.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30It's the pattern on the pants. It's not flattering in the...
0:26:30 > 0:26:33the crotchal region.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I'm actually taking them back right now, taking them back to...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38the pants store.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Oh, this is awkward!
0:26:41 > 0:26:43I will see you later?
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Mm-hm!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Yes.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Taking them...
0:26:51 > 0:26:56Nothing to look at! Don't act like you're not impressed!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- Frame up two.- 'Let's go to Brian Fantana, live on the scene'
0:27:00 > 0:27:03with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian...
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Panda Watch! The mood is tense.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10I have been on some serious reports, but nothing quite like this.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12I... Er, Ching...
0:27:12 > 0:27:13King...is inside right now.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17I tried to get an interview, but they said, "No, he's a live bear,
0:27:17 > 0:27:20"he will literally rip your face off." Hey!
0:27:20 > 0:27:25You're making me look stupid! Get out here, panda jerk!
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Great story - compelling and rich.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Well, that's going to do it for all of us here at Channel 4 News.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34You stay classy, San Diego.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37I'm Ron Burgundy...?
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Dammit, who typed a question mark on the teleprompter?!
0:27:40 > 0:27:45For the last time - anything you put on there, Burgundy will read!
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Oh, this is a mistake... This is a mistake!
0:27:51 > 0:27:53He's very cute... Very cute.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55No, he's not. No, he's not. He's hairy.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58There she is! Veronica!
0:27:58 > 0:28:02My little china doll... I am full of it tonight!
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Oh, silly. Hi.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06You look ravishing.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09It truly is Beauty and the Beast.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12- Hmm...- I might add, a handsome beast, at that.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16- Are you ready for our rendezvous? - It's not a date, Ron.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20No. Strictly professional. Doesn't mean we can't have fun.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22- Shall we?- Yes!
0:28:22 > 0:28:27# If a picture paints a thousand words... #
0:28:27 > 0:28:29San Diego!
0:28:29 > 0:28:33Mmm! Drink it in. Always goes down smooth.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35THEY BOTH CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY
0:28:35 > 0:28:39- What a beautiful view, Mr Burgundy! - I know.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41I love this city.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45It's a fact - it's the greatest city in the history of mankind.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49SHE CHUCKLES Discovered by the Germans in 1904,
0:28:49 > 0:28:53they named it...San Di-ah-go...
0:28:53 > 0:28:57which, of course, in German means "a whale's vagina".
0:28:58 > 0:29:02No. There's no way that's correct.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you.
0:29:08 > 0:29:12- Oh! - I don't know what it means.
0:29:12 > 0:29:13SHE CHUCKLES
0:29:13 > 0:29:15I don't think anyone knows what it means any more.
0:29:15 > 0:29:20Scholars maintain the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22Doesn't it mean "Saint Diego"?
0:29:22 > 0:29:24No.
0:29:24 > 0:29:29- No... - No, that's... That's what it means.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32- Really.- Well, agree to disagree.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- May I take your order?- Yes!
0:29:39 > 0:29:42I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet,
0:29:42 > 0:29:45with a little bit of pepper and some cheese.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47- Very good. - I'll take a Manhattan,
0:29:47 > 0:29:51- and kick the vermouth in the side with steel-toed boots.- Certainly.
0:29:51 > 0:29:53- Thank you, Scott.- Thank you.
0:29:54 > 0:29:59- Wow! Quite a drink order! - Oh! Well, when in Rome...
0:29:59 > 0:30:00Yes...
0:30:00 > 0:30:03- Please go on.- Oh.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06..do as the Romans do.
0:30:06 > 0:30:10- It's an old expression. - Oh! I've never heard of it.
0:30:10 > 0:30:11- Oh.- It's wonderful, though.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14- HE LAUGHS - Mr Burgundy!
0:30:14 > 0:30:16- Tino!- So good to see you. - How are you?
0:30:16 > 0:30:20- Oh, you're looking fantastic. - Tino... Veronica.
0:30:20 > 0:30:24Veronica! What a pretty girlfriend. Drinks are on Tino tonight.
0:30:24 > 0:30:25No, No! We're work associates.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28I work at the station. I'm a journalist there.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Oh, OK. This is a good guy.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33- Tino's the city's finest club owner. - My best friend ever, right?- Yes.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36We sing in my country about people like him.
0:30:36 > 0:30:41"The coyote of the desert always likes to eat the heart of the young,
0:30:41 > 0:30:43"the blood drips down to the children
0:30:43 > 0:30:45"for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
0:30:45 > 0:30:47- "and only the ribs will be broken..."- Tino...
0:30:47 > 0:30:49OK. Well, Mr Burgundy,
0:30:49 > 0:30:53we'll be honoured if you will play jazz flute for us.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55- I can't.- Please!
0:30:55 > 0:30:58- You play jazz flute?!- I dabble.
0:30:58 > 0:31:02Would everyone love to hear Ron Burgundy play some jazz flute?!
0:31:02 > 0:31:05- CHEERING - Yes! Please!
0:31:05 > 0:31:09- You, get onstage now.- OK, I guess I can play a little ditty.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11- Honestly, I... - Come on! Give him a hand!
0:31:11 > 0:31:14I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared at all.
0:31:14 > 0:31:17- Yes!- This is a surprise, I'll tell you.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21Guys, East Harlem Shakedown, E flat?
0:31:21 > 0:31:24Keep the cymbals flashy and let's take the baseline for a walk.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30TUNELESS SQUAWK
0:31:30 > 0:31:33I'm not hearing it right. Hold on.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36ACCOMPLISHED TRILLING
0:31:36 > 0:31:40COMPLICATED JAZZ TUNE
0:31:40 > 0:31:42We got it now. It's all right.
0:31:45 > 0:31:46Little ham and eggs coming at you.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Hold on, people. Hope you got your griddles!
0:31:48 > 0:31:51HE PLAYS RHYTHMICALLY Ugh!
0:31:52 > 0:31:54Ugh!
0:31:55 > 0:31:58That's baby-makin' music, that's what that is. Ugh!
0:32:04 > 0:32:07Let's go! HE PLAYS FAST, STYLISH JAZZ
0:32:40 > 0:32:42THEY ALL CHEER
0:32:46 > 0:32:48Hey, aqualung!
0:32:48 > 0:32:54HE PLAYS LONG, SUSTAINED TRILL, BUILDING UP TO BIG FINISH
0:32:57 > 0:32:59THEY ALL CHEER ENTHUSIASTICALLY
0:32:59 > 0:33:01Thank you!
0:33:01 > 0:33:03Thank you!
0:33:06 > 0:33:08HE LAUGHS
0:33:10 > 0:33:12- You were amazing!- Thank you.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Where did you learn to play like that?
0:33:15 > 0:33:20Well, jazz flute has always been a small passion of mine.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23So, what other passions do you have, Mr Burgundy?
0:33:23 > 0:33:24Well...
0:33:24 > 0:33:26I have one great passion.
0:33:26 > 0:33:30It lives deep...within my loins,
0:33:30 > 0:33:34like a flaming golden hawk.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39To one day... become a network anchor.
0:33:39 > 0:33:41Well, believe it or not,
0:33:41 > 0:33:43we share the same dream.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46I, too, want to be a network anchor.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50God, you are so beautiful!
0:33:53 > 0:33:56We really should be going.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59I swore that I would never get involved with a co-worker.
0:34:02 > 0:34:03Wait.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08What if, just for tonight, we weren't co-workers -
0:34:08 > 0:34:11we were...co-people?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13- I don't...- Ssh.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17You be a woman...
0:34:17 > 0:34:19I'll be a man.
0:34:19 > 0:34:20That's all.
0:34:22 > 0:34:27Oh... You continue to surprise me, Mr Burgundy.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29SLOW JAZZ-SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYS
0:34:46 > 0:34:50Oh, I'm storming your castle on my steed, milady.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Oh... Mmm...
0:34:52 > 0:34:54THEY BOTH MOAN
0:34:54 > 0:34:58SHE CRIES OUT PASSIONATELY IN SPANISH
0:34:58 > 0:35:04- Wait. Stop. Stop talking like that. I can't understand you.- Sorry.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06BAXTER BARKS
0:35:07 > 0:35:10Take me to Pleasuretown!
0:35:10 > 0:35:12Oh, we're going there!
0:35:12 > 0:35:15MUSIC: "Help Yourself," by Tom Jones
0:35:15 > 0:35:19# Love is like candy on a shelf
0:35:20 > 0:35:24# You want to taste and help yourself... #
0:35:24 > 0:35:26I freakin' love you!
0:35:26 > 0:35:29I freakin' love you back!
0:35:29 > 0:35:32# ..Take a few, that's what I want you to do... #
0:35:32 > 0:35:36Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!
0:35:36 > 0:35:38Oh... Do me on it!
0:35:38 > 0:35:41# ..Just say the word and they are yours... #
0:35:41 > 0:35:44BOTH: Whee!
0:35:56 > 0:35:58Well done, sir.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05- Tip of the cap to you, as well, Miss Corningstone.- Hmm!
0:36:06 > 0:36:09BAXTER GRUNTS
0:36:09 > 0:36:13I'm having very strong feelings for you, Mr Burgundy.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15- Mm.- But it's very important to me
0:36:15 > 0:36:18that I be viewed as a professional.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20Right.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22When in Rome...
0:36:24 > 0:36:28That...expression doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about...
0:36:28 > 0:36:31- Oh.- ..what I was saying.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34- I still don't quite understand what it means.- Oh!
0:36:34 > 0:36:36You'll find it.
0:36:38 > 0:36:39No, I was saying that
0:36:39 > 0:36:42if we continue seeing each other,
0:36:42 > 0:36:44we should keep it relatively quiet
0:36:44 > 0:36:46- around the station.- Absolutely,
0:36:46 > 0:36:49my...wild love-tigress.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51- Grr!- Grr!
0:36:53 > 0:36:56- Tasteful discretion is the name of the game.- Mm-hm!
0:36:59 > 0:37:02VERONICA CORNINGSTONE AND I HAD SEX!
0:37:02 > 0:37:05AND NOW WE ARE IN LO-O-O-O-OVE!
0:37:07 > 0:37:10- Did I say that loud? - Yeah. You pretty much yelled it.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14Well, I can't help it! It's fantastic!
0:37:14 > 0:37:17- What's it like, Ron? - The intimate times?
0:37:17 > 0:37:19Outta sight, my man!
0:37:20 > 0:37:24No! The other thing.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26- Love.- Yeah.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28What is that?
0:37:28 > 0:37:29Well...
0:37:30 > 0:37:34- ..it's tough to explain. - I was in love once.- Really?
0:37:34 > 0:37:37- What was her name? - I don't remember.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40That's not a good start, but... keep going.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42She was Brazilian.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Or...Chinese, or...something weird.
0:37:44 > 0:37:49Met her in the bathroom of a Kmart and we made out for hours.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55I'm...pretty sure that's not love.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57- Dammit!- I love...
0:37:59 > 0:38:01..carpet.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06I love...desk.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09Are you just looking at things in here and saying that you love them?
0:38:09 > 0:38:12- I love lamp. - Do you really love the lamp,
0:38:12 > 0:38:15or are you just saying it because you saw it?
0:38:16 > 0:38:18I love lamp! I love lamp.
0:38:18 > 0:38:22- You really want to know what love is? - Yeah.- Yes!
0:38:22 > 0:38:24- Tell us! - More than anything in the world.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Well...
0:38:26 > 0:38:28it's really quite simple.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32It's kind of like...
0:38:32 > 0:38:34# Gonna find my baby
0:38:34 > 0:38:36# Gonna hold her tight
0:38:36 > 0:38:40# Gonna grab some afternoon delight
0:38:40 > 0:38:43# My motto's always been when it's right, it's right
0:38:43 > 0:38:46# Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night?
0:38:46 > 0:38:49# When everything's a little clearer
0:38:49 > 0:38:52# In the light of day
0:38:52 > 0:38:58# And we know the night is always gonna be here anyway
0:38:58 > 0:39:01# Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
0:39:01 > 0:39:04# Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
0:39:04 > 0:39:07# Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
0:39:07 > 0:39:10# And the thought of loving you is getting so exciting
0:39:10 > 0:39:12# Sky rockets in flight... #
0:39:12 > 0:39:15- BOOM! - # ..Afternoon delight... #
0:39:15 > 0:39:17- Whoop!- You guys have it right there.
0:39:17 > 0:39:21# Ah...ah...afternoon delight... #
0:39:21 > 0:39:24I dunno, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy.
0:39:24 > 0:39:28- You have mental problems, man. - Yeah, you have mental problems, man.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30- Yeah, really does.- Man!
0:39:30 > 0:39:32# ..Afternoon delight! #
0:39:32 > 0:39:35I gotta make a phone call here.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38CATS MEOW
0:39:42 > 0:39:44- CAT SNARLS - Oh, look out!
0:39:44 > 0:39:47Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus!
0:39:47 > 0:39:51He is ready to do battle in the arena against the tiniest lion ever.
0:39:51 > 0:39:56Ha! I'm getting some great stuff, Ms Corningstone.
0:39:56 > 0:39:57Shut up!
0:39:57 > 0:40:00Oh, I hate cats.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03Let's just do my sign-off and get out of here.
0:40:03 > 0:40:07It was quite a show down here, and just for today,
0:40:07 > 0:40:10fashion curiosity did NOT kill the cat.
0:40:10 > 0:40:13'I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News.'
0:40:13 > 0:40:17That, of course, was our newest reporter, Veronica Corningstone.
0:40:17 > 0:40:21She's really great. I'd also like to share with you that we are dating,
0:40:21 > 0:40:24and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom.
0:40:24 > 0:40:28Well, that's going to do it for all of us here at six o'clock.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31For the Channel 4 news team, I'm Ron Burgundy.
0:40:31 > 0:40:35- You stay classy, San Diego. - All clear!
0:40:37 > 0:40:38Uh-oh.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41I might be in trouble on that one.
0:40:41 > 0:40:44I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air, Ron!
0:40:44 > 0:40:48Mmm! Mmm! That is good fondue.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51Don't you get it, Ron? I want to be an anchor,
0:40:51 > 0:40:56and that'll never happen if everyone thinks that I'm your bimbo gal-pal.
0:40:56 > 0:41:00I don't know what to say. I just... I got excited.
0:41:00 > 0:41:04I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain,
0:41:04 > 0:41:07but I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera.
0:41:07 > 0:41:11Look, I report the news. That's what I do.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13And today's top story...
0:41:13 > 0:41:15in Ron Burgundy's world...
0:41:15 > 0:41:17read something like this...
0:41:17 > 0:41:19"I love Veronica Corningstone."
0:41:24 > 0:41:25Oh, Ron...
0:41:29 > 0:41:33This is nice, gang - sitting here, brown-baggin' it...
0:41:33 > 0:41:37So, the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow at nine, instead of eight.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41Oh! Almost forgot. I won't be able to make it, fellas.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44Veronica and I are trying this new fad called, er...
0:41:44 > 0:41:49"jogging". I believe it's "jogging" or "yogging". It might be a soft J,
0:41:49 > 0:41:51I'm not sure. But apparently, you just run
0:41:51 > 0:41:55for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57- So Ron's not coming? - No, Ron's coming.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00It's the pancake breakfast. We do it every month.
0:42:00 > 0:42:04I realise that. But sometimes, you got to look at yourself in the mirror
0:42:04 > 0:42:07- and say, "When in Rome." - The bottom line is,
0:42:07 > 0:42:11you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14You're a member of the Channel 4 news team.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17- That's a given. That's a given. - We need you.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20Hell, I need you.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24I'm a mess without you.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26I miss you so damn much...
0:42:26 > 0:42:28I miss being with you!
0:42:28 > 0:42:30I miss being near you!
0:42:30 > 0:42:34- I miss your laugh. - HE GIGGLES WILDLY
0:42:36 > 0:42:39- THEY BOTH CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY - I miss your scent.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42- HE SNIFFS - Mmm. I miss your musk.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47- Ahem! - When this all gets sorted out,
0:42:47 > 0:42:51I think you and me should get an apartment together!
0:42:53 > 0:42:57Just...take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?
0:42:57 > 0:43:01- Maybe sit the next couple of plays out, you know what I mean?- Yeah.
0:43:01 > 0:43:05I've got to quit saying things when they crop up in the old skull, huh?
0:43:05 > 0:43:07See what it's like when you're not here?
0:43:07 > 0:43:11You're our leader. Look what you're doing to us. Champ's a mess,
0:43:11 > 0:43:15Brick can't sleep at night... Here's the thing.
0:43:15 > 0:43:18I don't trust this chick. We need you around,
0:43:18 > 0:43:21- and she is just using you. - Everyone just relax, all right?
0:43:21 > 0:43:25If there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women!
0:43:25 > 0:43:27I dunno, Ron.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30Yes, well, I do. I know that one day,
0:43:30 > 0:43:34Veronica and I are going to get married on top of a mountain!
0:43:34 > 0:43:37And there's going to be flutes playing,
0:43:37 > 0:43:42and trombones, and flowers, and garlands of fresh...herbs,
0:43:42 > 0:43:46and we will dance till the sun rises!
0:43:46 > 0:43:49And then our children will form a family band,
0:43:49 > 0:43:53and we will tour the countryside, and you won't be invited!
0:43:56 > 0:44:00I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02HE LAUGHS
0:44:03 > 0:44:06Good... Good one!
0:44:06 > 0:44:11OK. I understand. You have a nice day, sir. Goodbye.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14Er, I could come back later, Mr Harken.
0:44:14 > 0:44:18Oh, no. It's just parent stuff. It seems that our youngest, Chris,
0:44:18 > 0:44:21was on something called "acid",
0:44:21 > 0:44:23and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd.
0:44:23 > 0:44:27- Oh. - You know how kids are!- Right...
0:44:27 > 0:44:31- Anyhoo, what can I do you for? - Well, Mr Harken,
0:44:31 > 0:44:34I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist
0:44:34 > 0:44:38and that I deserve the opportunity to take on more challenging stories.
0:44:38 > 0:44:43Well, ask and you shall receive! Yes. This just came across my desk.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47Here's the story of a 103-year-old woman out in Tula Vista
0:44:47 > 0:44:50who claims to have a recipe for the world's greatest meatloaf!
0:44:50 > 0:44:52Ooh! That's a hot lead!
0:44:52 > 0:44:55'It was very hard for Veronica.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57'But she was a pro, and hung tough.
0:44:57 > 0:45:01'But soon, with a simple act of littering,
0:45:01 > 0:45:03'everyone's life would change forever.'
0:45:03 > 0:45:07La, la-la... HE HUMS CONTENTEDLY
0:45:08 > 0:45:11# Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman
0:45:11 > 0:45:13# I'll take you to foggy London town
0:45:13 > 0:45:17# Because you are what? My little gentleman... #
0:45:17 > 0:45:20This burrito's delicious, but it is filling!
0:45:20 > 0:45:22- TYRES SQUEAL - Whoa!
0:45:22 > 0:45:25Whoa! Antony and Cleopatra!
0:45:27 > 0:45:28Argh!
0:45:28 > 0:45:30Argh!
0:45:30 > 0:45:32Argh! Agh!
0:45:32 > 0:45:35Agh! Goddamn...!
0:45:35 > 0:45:37What the hell, bro?!
0:45:37 > 0:45:42- Hello, neighbour!- Did you just throw a burrito out your window?
0:45:42 > 0:45:44- I believe I did. - What, are you high?!
0:45:44 > 0:45:48- Did you see what happened?!- Yes. That was a terrific little spill!
0:45:48 > 0:45:51That's my chopper you just trashed, Bro-seph!
0:45:51 > 0:45:55Easy, compadre! I'm your friend out here, all right?
0:45:55 > 0:45:58Fix my chopper, before I stomp your goofy ass!
0:45:58 > 0:46:02If you want fisticuffs, I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary right here!
0:46:02 > 0:46:04- BAXTER BARKS - You destroyed
0:46:04 > 0:46:06the only thing I love, all right?
0:46:06 > 0:46:10- There it is. What do you love? - I love poetry.
0:46:10 > 0:46:12And a glass of Scotch.
0:46:12 > 0:46:16- And, of course, my friend Baxter here.- Well, guess what?
0:46:16 > 0:46:17Now this is happening.
0:46:18 > 0:46:21Excuse me! What are you doing?
0:46:23 > 0:46:26- LOUD SPLASH - That's how I roll.
0:46:27 > 0:46:30Baxter! HE GASPS
0:46:30 > 0:46:35NO...!
0:46:35 > 0:46:37- Where the hell is he? - He'll be here.
0:46:37 > 0:46:41Oh... I thought he was Mr Dependable.
0:46:41 > 0:46:45I'd put Brick on, but unless he's tracking a storm, he's useless.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48- Excuse me, gentlemen.- Oh, hello. - I want you to know that
0:46:48 > 0:46:49if Ron does not show up,
0:46:49 > 0:46:53- I am ready to go on.- We've had this discussion a million times!
0:46:53 > 0:46:58- There's never been a woman anchor. - Mr Harken, this city needs its news!
0:46:58 > 0:47:01- Oh!- And you'd deprive them of that because I have breasts?!
0:47:01 > 0:47:04Exquisite breasts?! Now, I am going to go on,
0:47:04 > 0:47:07and if you want to stop me, bring it on.
0:47:07 > 0:47:11Because I am good at three things - fighting, screwing,
0:47:11 > 0:47:14and reading the news. I've already done one of those today,
0:47:14 > 0:47:16so what's the other one going to be, huh?
0:47:18 > 0:47:20Screwing...?
0:47:21 > 0:47:22Oh!
0:47:23 > 0:47:25I will be in Make-up.
0:47:27 > 0:47:30Jesus, she is terrifying!
0:47:30 > 0:47:31Fantana...
0:47:31 > 0:47:34HE WAILS
0:47:34 > 0:47:38- Ron! Are you OK? - The man punted Baxter! Argh!
0:47:38 > 0:47:41'Calm down. Breathe, Ron. Breathe.'
0:47:41 > 0:47:44THE BAD MAN ON THE MOTORCYCLE!
0:47:44 > 0:47:47- 'What did the bad man do?' - The motorcycle on the bridge!
0:47:47 > 0:47:49I hit him with a burrito!
0:47:49 > 0:47:50- Ron...- 'He took him!'
0:47:50 > 0:47:55He took him with his foot, and he kicked him! That's what he did!
0:47:55 > 0:47:58- Someone punted him? - Let me say something!
0:47:58 > 0:48:00Let me say...
0:48:00 > 0:48:04ARGH...!
0:48:04 > 0:48:10- What?- ARGH...!
0:48:10 > 0:48:14I don't... I didn't understand one word you said. Ron, are you OK?
0:48:14 > 0:48:18HE SOBS
0:48:21 > 0:48:23Ron, where are you?
0:48:23 > 0:48:27I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!
0:48:27 > 0:48:31He's going to put Corningstone on. He's going to put Corningstone on!
0:48:33 > 0:48:36I'VE GOT TO DO THE NEWS!
0:48:48 > 0:48:50You're not Ron.
0:48:51 > 0:48:55We're on in ten. Good luck, lady.
0:48:55 > 0:48:56Ready.
0:48:56 > 0:48:59SHE CLEARS THROAT
0:49:00 > 0:49:02- Power...- 'Roll it.'
0:49:02 > 0:49:06- Power, power... - THEME MUSIC
0:49:09 > 0:49:11One slip...
0:49:11 > 0:49:13and you're gone. Whammy!
0:49:13 > 0:49:17'..Your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20'It's Channel 4 News at six o'clock!'
0:49:20 > 0:49:24Ahem... Good evening. Ron Burgundy is off tonight.
0:49:25 > 0:49:27I'm Veronica Corningstone.
0:49:27 > 0:49:31- Tonight's top story... - OK, we're off and running.
0:49:31 > 0:49:37..made off with over 20,000 from an area bank in a daring robbery.
0:49:41 > 0:49:43Hey!
0:49:43 > 0:49:46And the winner of the frog-leaping contest was Hoppy,
0:49:46 > 0:49:47with a jump of
0:49:47 > 0:49:49seven feet ten inches.
0:49:51 > 0:49:55I used to date a guy named Hoppy in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.
0:49:55 > 0:49:57THEY ALL GIGGLE
0:49:57 > 0:50:01That'll do it for us at six o'clock. From all of us here at Channel 4,
0:50:01 > 0:50:03I'm Veronica Corningstone...
0:50:03 > 0:50:07and thanks for stopping by, San Diego.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09- APPLAUSE - All clear!- Yes!
0:50:09 > 0:50:13- APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Lady! Lady!
0:50:13 > 0:50:15Not bad, Ms Corningstone. Not bad at all.
0:50:15 > 0:50:19Thank you, Mr Harken! That felt good. That felt really good.
0:50:19 > 0:50:23- I liked your little sign-off line, too, missy.- You did?
0:50:23 > 0:50:25It just came through me. It was so organic...
0:50:25 > 0:50:28Argh! Agh! Agh!
0:50:28 > 0:50:31Ron! Ron, darling! I'm so glad you're all right!
0:50:31 > 0:50:34Oh, God! I have something so magnificent to tell you...
0:50:34 > 0:50:38I'm here. We can do the news now. It's all right, everyone!
0:50:38 > 0:50:42- That's what I...- We can do the news. Why are we standing round? Let's go!
0:50:42 > 0:50:45We just did it. Veronica filled in for you.
0:50:45 > 0:50:49- What?!- Sweetheart, we were so worried about you
0:50:49 > 0:50:53and we waited as long as we could, but I did the news, and I nailed it.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56- I nailed it!- Wait!
0:50:56 > 0:51:01Wait, Veronica. Please tell me this is some kind of sick...
0:51:01 > 0:51:03- tasteless joke...- You weren't here!
0:51:03 > 0:51:06Why can't you just be proud of me,
0:51:06 > 0:51:09as a peer and as my gentleman lover?
0:51:09 > 0:51:10Oh, jeez!
0:51:10 > 0:51:15I can't believe you did this to me! You read my news!
0:51:15 > 0:51:19I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.
0:51:19 > 0:51:23I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke!
0:51:23 > 0:51:26I even wrote it down in my diary!
0:51:26 > 0:51:29"Veronica had a very funny joke today!"
0:51:29 > 0:51:31I laughed at it later that night!
0:51:31 > 0:51:33I can't believe that I cared for you!
0:51:33 > 0:51:38Get out! Just go! We are through! Through!
0:51:38 > 0:51:41Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!
0:51:41 > 0:51:43You have broken my heart, Mr Burgundy.
0:51:43 > 0:51:45You have broken my heart.
0:51:50 > 0:51:54- VOICEOVER MAN:- 'From then, things just got worse for Ron Burgundy.
0:51:54 > 0:51:55'Corningstone was a star,
0:51:55 > 0:51:58'and everything started to move awfully fast
0:51:58 > 0:52:01- 'after her big break.' - RON RANTS INCOHERENTLY
0:52:01 > 0:52:04I just got a call from Network.
0:52:04 > 0:52:08Our broadcast last night received a two-point ratings boost
0:52:08 > 0:52:11and the decision has been passed down
0:52:11 > 0:52:13to make Veronica...
0:52:13 > 0:52:14our co-anchor.
0:52:14 > 0:52:16- What?!- No!
0:52:16 > 0:52:19- NO!- Oh...- NO!
0:52:19 > 0:52:21- NO!- This is so wonderful!
0:52:21 > 0:52:24Ed, come here, you big silly man! You big silly man...
0:52:24 > 0:52:27What is this - amateur hour?!
0:52:27 > 0:52:30# "Sunshine (Go Away Today)", by Jonathan Edwards
0:52:30 > 0:52:34- # Sunshine go away today... # - Dammit!
0:52:34 > 0:52:38# ..I don't feel much like dancin'
0:52:38 > 0:52:42# Some man's gone, he's tried to run my life
0:52:42 > 0:52:46# Don't know what he's asking
0:52:48 > 0:52:49# When he tells me
0:52:49 > 0:52:51# I better get in line
0:52:51 > 0:52:54# Can't hear what he's saying
0:52:54 > 0:52:56# When I grow up
0:52:56 > 0:52:58# I'm gonna make it mine... #
0:53:00 > 0:53:04What Brian didn't tell you was that those were not real pirates.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07- They looked convincing, though! - Oh, yes.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11Well, for all of us here at Channel 4 News, I'm Ron Burgundy.
0:53:11 > 0:53:14- You stay classy, San Diego. - And thanks for stopping by.
0:53:14 > 0:53:18- But mainly...stay classy. - Thanks for stopping by.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21- Stay classy. I'm Ron Burgundy. - Thanks for stopping by.- Stay classy.
0:53:21 > 0:53:24- Ron Burgundy.- Ahem... - THEY CHUCKLE
0:53:25 > 0:53:29- Oh! You're a real hooker, and I'm going to slap you in public.- Oh!
0:53:35 > 0:53:37You have man-boobs!
0:53:37 > 0:53:40You've got a dirty, whorish mouth.
0:53:44 > 0:53:48- I'm going to punch you in the ovary. Straight shot.- Ooh, ow!
0:53:48 > 0:53:50Right to the baby-maker.
0:53:50 > 0:53:54Er...jazz flute is for little fairy boys.
0:53:54 > 0:53:58OK, that's uncalled for. I can't work with this woman!
0:53:58 > 0:54:00PHONE RINGS
0:54:00 > 0:54:02(It's ringing.)
0:54:03 > 0:54:05Veronica Corningstone...
0:54:05 > 0:54:09Hello, Veronica, this is... Mike Rithjen, from the network.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12'You've been promoted and you're moving to Moscow,'
0:54:12 > 0:54:16so clean up your desk and we'll pick you up tomorrow in a van.
0:54:16 > 0:54:19- What did you say your name was? - Mike Rithnithen.
0:54:19 > 0:54:24It's not important. Just clean your desk and we'll pick you up.
0:54:24 > 0:54:27- Tell her she might need a coat! - Hold on.
0:54:27 > 0:54:29Veronica? (What was that?)
0:54:29 > 0:54:30'She should get a coat!'
0:54:30 > 0:54:34Also, Moscow's pretty cold. You might want to buy a coat...
0:54:34 > 0:54:37Are you and Champ having a good time?
0:54:37 > 0:54:40- Are we what?- I can see you, Ron.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43- What?- I can see you!
0:54:45 > 0:54:46OK. Bye-bye.
0:54:46 > 0:54:49Shoot! She knew it was me.
0:54:53 > 0:54:57'You're watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor'
0:54:57 > 0:54:59Ron Burgundy, and Tits McGee!
0:54:59 > 0:55:03Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05Tits McGee is on vacation.
0:55:08 > 0:55:11And I'm Tits... I'm Ron Burgundy.
0:55:11 > 0:55:12HE CLEARS THROAT
0:55:12 > 0:55:13PHONE RINGS
0:55:13 > 0:55:16- Veronica Corningstone. - 'This is your doctor.'
0:55:16 > 0:55:19I have your pregnancy report here.
0:55:19 > 0:55:21Guess what? You got knocked up.
0:55:21 > 0:55:24- 'So you should get out of the news.' - Who is this?
0:55:24 > 0:55:25This is Dr Chim...
0:55:25 > 0:55:27'Dr Chim Ridgals.'
0:55:27 > 0:55:28Ron, is this you?
0:55:28 > 0:55:30I'm a professional doctor.
0:55:30 > 0:55:33You saw me... You don't remember?
0:55:33 > 0:55:35THEY GIGGLE
0:55:35 > 0:55:38- 'You should move.'- This is pathetic.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41YOU'RE pathetic. HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
0:55:41 > 0:55:44- What did she say? - I think she bought it.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47She's looking this way.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50- Oh.- Oh.- Uh-oh. Whoa!
0:55:53 > 0:55:58It's just not working. She's making us look like a bunch of fools.
0:55:58 > 0:56:00Ellen! Where's the party?!
0:56:00 > 0:56:02SHE SIGHS
0:56:02 > 0:56:05Children, grow up.
0:56:06 > 0:56:10Son of a bee-sting! She's turning the entire office against us!
0:56:10 > 0:56:14- This is grim. What should we do? - There's only one thing a man can do
0:56:14 > 0:56:18when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk.
0:56:18 > 0:56:23- Go to the zoo, flip off the monkeys? - No. Buy new suits!
0:56:23 > 0:56:25ALL: YAY!
0:56:25 > 0:56:27# That girl
0:56:29 > 0:56:32# I'm gonna make her mine if it takes all night
0:56:32 > 0:56:35# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #
0:56:35 > 0:56:38Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes.
0:56:38 > 0:56:41- Brick, you said this was a shortcut. - Fantastic!
0:56:41 > 0:56:43- Well, is it a shortcut or not?- OK!
0:56:45 > 0:56:47Jeez...
0:56:47 > 0:56:48HE RINGS BELL
0:56:50 > 0:56:54- Hey!- Uh-oh. Here comes trouble.
0:56:54 > 0:56:57Whoo-hoo!
0:56:57 > 0:57:00Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll, huh?
0:57:00 > 0:57:04Out walkin' around and talking things through...
0:57:04 > 0:57:07Keep a tight perimeter. WILD LAUGHTER AND SHOUTING
0:57:07 > 0:57:12Yes, sirree! Well, well, well.
0:57:13 > 0:57:17Ron Burgundy... and the Channel 4 news team.
0:57:17 > 0:57:21- Where's your mommy? - You back off, Evening News team!
0:57:25 > 0:57:28You know, I understand that, er,
0:57:28 > 0:57:30they had to bring a female in...
0:57:31 > 0:57:35..to change your diapers, wipe the dribble from your bubblin' lips...
0:57:36 > 0:57:40..rub Vaseline all over your heinie and tell you that it's special
0:57:40 > 0:57:43- and different from everyone else's. - THEY GIGGLE
0:57:43 > 0:57:46He said heinie!
0:57:46 > 0:57:50- Brick, get back over here!- Heinie!
0:57:50 > 0:57:54Does she tuck you in, Ron? Give you a little kiss on your forehead,
0:57:54 > 0:57:56tell you everything's going to be OK?
0:57:56 > 0:57:58I've had enough of you, Mantooth.
0:57:58 > 0:58:01This is going to end right here, right now.
0:58:01 > 0:58:05- Let's dance, dickweed. - You want to dance, Ron?
0:58:09 > 0:58:10I want to polka.
0:58:18 > 0:58:21Come get a taste!
0:58:24 > 0:58:28- Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade?- I don't know.
0:58:28 > 0:58:32All right! Let's do this!
0:58:33 > 0:58:35Hey!
0:58:38 > 0:58:41If you're going to have a fight, don't forget Channel 2 News,
0:58:41 > 0:58:44with me, lead anchor Frank Vitchard.
0:58:44 > 0:58:48- You dirtbags have been in third place for five years!- Yeah?
0:58:48 > 0:58:51Well, you're about to be in... dead place!
0:58:57 > 0:58:59Not so fast, you ingrates!
0:58:59 > 0:59:03Public News team is taking a break from its pledge drive
0:59:03 > 0:59:07to kick some ass. No commercials...
0:59:07 > 0:59:10- NO MERCY! - THEY ALL YELL FIERCELY
0:59:14 > 0:59:16RATTLE SHAKES
0:59:19 > 0:59:23Como estan, beetches? Spanish Language News is here.
0:59:23 > 0:59:27Tonight's top story - the sewers run red
0:59:27 > 0:59:30with Burgundy's blood! Yah! Yah!
0:59:31 > 0:59:35THEY ALL YELL
0:59:36 > 0:59:40Well, looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest!
0:59:46 > 0:59:50Before we do this, let's go over the ground rules.
0:59:52 > 0:59:57Rule number one - no touching of the hair or face!
0:59:57 > 0:59:59- THEY ALL MURMUR AGREEMENT - Of course!
0:59:59 > 1:00:01And that's it!
1:00:01 > 1:00:03Now, let's do this!
1:00:06 > 1:00:08HE SNARLS
1:00:08 > 1:00:09THEY RATTLE CHAINS
1:00:11 > 1:00:14- Begin!- YEEE-YAH!
1:00:14 > 1:00:16THEY ALL YELL
1:00:25 > 1:00:27- Up and over!- ARGH!
1:00:46 > 1:00:47ARGH!
1:00:47 > 1:00:48HE CHUCKLES
1:00:50 > 1:00:53I'm going to straight-up murder your ass.
1:00:53 > 1:00:55ARGH!
1:00:55 > 1:00:59God...! I did NOT see that comin'!
1:01:02 > 1:01:04Whoa! Argh!
1:01:04 > 1:01:07- Now I'll be number one. - No, you won't!
1:01:10 > 1:01:12Policia!
1:01:12 > 1:01:14SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE
1:01:18 > 1:01:21SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE
1:01:23 > 1:01:25Phew...
1:01:25 > 1:01:27Boy, that escalated quickly!
1:01:27 > 1:01:31I mean, that really got out of hand fast!
1:01:31 > 1:01:33- It jumped up a notch. - It did, didn't it?
1:01:33 > 1:01:37- Yeah. I stabbed a man in the heart. - I saw that!
1:01:37 > 1:01:41- Brick killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?- Yeah!
1:01:41 > 1:01:44There were horses, a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
1:01:44 > 1:01:47I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
1:01:47 > 1:01:51You should find yourself a safehouse, lay low for a while,
1:01:51 > 1:01:53because you're probably wanted for murder.
1:01:53 > 1:01:57I'm proud of you fellas! You all kept your head on a swivel.
1:01:57 > 1:02:02- That's what you gotta do in a vicious cock-fight.- Can you believe Mantooth?
1:02:02 > 1:02:05"Where's your mommy? Does she change your diapers?"
1:02:05 > 1:02:08- Corningstone's hurting our rep. - I know exactly what you mean.
1:02:08 > 1:02:12Every news man in the city's laughing at us,
1:02:12 > 1:02:14and I don't like it!
1:02:14 > 1:02:17- I don't like the put-downs. - Let's do something about it.
1:02:17 > 1:02:21It is time to put an end to this! Last time I looked in the dictionary,
1:02:21 > 1:02:25- my name's Ron Burgundy! What's yours? - Brian Fantana.- Champ Kind.
1:02:25 > 1:02:28- Brian Fantana. - You're Brick. I'm Brian.- Right.
1:02:28 > 1:02:31< SHOUTING
1:02:31 > 1:02:35Garth, I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead.
1:02:35 > 1:02:39Well, Ron's using the machine to play his local-Emmy acceptance speech.
1:02:39 > 1:02:41I tried to ask her out on a date.
1:02:41 > 1:02:43FANFARE 'TURN THE MUSIC OFF!
1:02:43 > 1:02:45'I'M STILL TALKING!'
1:02:45 > 1:02:48- I don't even remember doing it. - This is ridiculous! Excuse me.
1:02:48 > 1:02:50Excuse me! What are you doing?
1:02:50 > 1:02:52I need to watch this tape for a story, Ron.
1:02:52 > 1:02:57I'm using the tape. I'm showing Jeffrey here my Emmy tape.
1:02:57 > 1:02:59- We are watching history. - Mr Burgundy...
1:02:59 > 1:03:03I'm a professional, and I would like to do my job.
1:03:03 > 1:03:05Well... Well... Big deal!
1:03:05 > 1:03:09- I am VERY professional! - You are acting like a baby.
1:03:09 > 1:03:12I'm not a baby. I'm a man! I'm an anchorman!
1:03:12 > 1:03:15You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!
1:03:15 > 1:03:19I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower
1:03:19 > 1:03:22out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am.
1:03:22 > 1:03:25You're just a woman with a small brain,
1:03:25 > 1:03:28with a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
1:03:28 > 1:03:32I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence
1:03:32 > 1:03:36in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir!
1:03:36 > 1:03:38You are a smelly pirate hooker!
1:03:38 > 1:03:40You look like a blueberry!
1:03:40 > 1:03:43Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?!
1:03:43 > 1:03:47- GASPING - Well, you...have bad hair.
1:03:48 > 1:03:51What did you say?!
1:03:51 > 1:03:52I said...
1:03:52 > 1:03:54your hair...
1:03:54 > 1:03:56looks...stupid.
1:03:59 > 1:04:03ARGH! THEY ALL GASP
1:04:03 > 1:04:06- Let 'em work it out! - It's between the two of them.
1:04:16 > 1:04:20- Agh...!- They're just talking!
1:04:20 > 1:04:21They're just talking.
1:04:21 > 1:04:23- I hate you!- I hate you more!
1:04:27 > 1:04:28HE SCREAMS
1:04:33 > 1:04:36AGH...!
1:04:36 > 1:04:40AGH...!
1:04:40 > 1:04:42ARGH!
1:04:42 > 1:04:46All right, stop! Stop what you're doing right now!
1:04:46 > 1:04:49I will not have my news room be divided.
1:04:50 > 1:04:52Agh! Knights of Columbus, that hurt!
1:04:55 > 1:04:56'I was, like, "Who is that guy?"'
1:04:56 > 1:04:58THEY ALL LAUGH
1:05:00 > 1:05:03I just...can't believe what Ron did to you.
1:05:03 > 1:05:06- It is so awful!- Yes.
1:05:07 > 1:05:11Have you ever thought about... fighting fire...with fire?
1:05:12 > 1:05:15What do you mean?
1:05:15 > 1:05:21I have some information that you can choose to use or not use. Up to you.
1:05:21 > 1:05:23Ron Burgundy...
1:05:23 > 1:05:26will read anything that is put on that teleprompter,
1:05:26 > 1:05:31and when I say anything, I mean a-ny-thi-ng.
1:05:39 > 1:05:42- Arnold, cue one. - After the photomat was destroyed,
1:05:42 > 1:05:45the bear scampered back into the woods.
1:05:45 > 1:05:48Apparently, he wasn't too happy with his colour prints!
1:05:48 > 1:05:52- HE CHUCKLES - From the entire Channel 4 news team,
1:05:52 > 1:05:56- I'm Veronica Corningstone. - And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1:05:56 > 1:05:58Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
1:05:59 > 1:06:02- AGH! - CUP CLATTERS
1:06:02 > 1:06:03SHE GASPS
1:06:04 > 1:06:08What in the name...? No!
1:06:08 > 1:06:12Nobody talks about my city that way! Ron Burgundy's ass is grass!
1:06:12 > 1:06:15HE HUMS
1:06:15 > 1:06:17Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast.
1:06:17 > 1:06:21Really good - everyone on the floor, as well. Really a lot of hustle.
1:06:21 > 1:06:23I liked it.
1:06:23 > 1:06:25Dump out! Dump out!
1:06:25 > 1:06:27HE HUMS Hello, Edward!
1:06:27 > 1:06:29Ron, I've got to fire you.
1:06:29 > 1:06:32Well, I've got to fire you. Bing-bom-bom! You're fired, Ed!
1:06:32 > 1:06:35Do you even know what you just said?!
1:06:35 > 1:06:38Oh...great Odin's raven!
1:06:38 > 1:06:43- Are you happy, Ron?- Veronica! She put that in the teleprompter.
1:06:43 > 1:06:45You're probably right, but...
1:06:45 > 1:06:47this is bad, Ron. Real bad.
1:06:47 > 1:06:48My hands are tied. I...
1:06:48 > 1:06:52- I got to fire you. - Ed! Let's hold on.
1:06:52 > 1:06:53Let's count to ten, all right?
1:06:53 > 1:06:57That's a rash decision, OK? Is this about something else?
1:06:57 > 1:07:01Ed, there's 300 very angry San Diego...ites...
1:07:01 > 1:07:03San Diego-ins. San Diegoins.
1:07:03 > 1:07:06San Diegons.
1:07:06 > 1:07:10..San Diegons...out in front of the station. They want Ron's blood!
1:07:10 > 1:07:11They want to hurt you, Ron.
1:07:11 > 1:07:12Ron, why did you say that?
1:07:12 > 1:07:17Why? Why, Ron? Why?!
1:07:17 > 1:07:20- You're my hero, Ron... - Garth, I...
1:07:20 > 1:07:21..and you come out with...
1:07:21 > 1:07:23stink like that!
1:07:23 > 1:07:26Poop! You...poop-mouth!
1:07:26 > 1:07:29- BARELY COHERENT:- Poop-mouth!
1:07:29 > 1:07:32Garth, if I were to give you some money, would that ease the pain?
1:07:32 > 1:07:34I hate you, Ron Burgundy!
1:07:34 > 1:07:36- I hate you! - HE SOBS
1:07:37 > 1:07:40THEY ALL SHOUT ANGRILY
1:07:41 > 1:07:43Ron? Ron!
1:07:43 > 1:07:46I can't believe you did this to me! Are you happy?!
1:07:46 > 1:07:49- No, Ron, I'm not! - I have nothing left!
1:07:49 > 1:07:52Nothing! I've been reduced to rubble!
1:07:52 > 1:07:56- Ron!- Come on, man. These people are about to tear you apart.
1:07:56 > 1:07:58I HAVE NOTHING!
1:07:58 > 1:07:59NO!
1:07:59 > 1:08:02NO...!
1:08:12 > 1:08:15Mr Burgundy, you should be ashamed of yourself.
1:08:15 > 1:08:18- Please, I... - You're an awful man!
1:08:18 > 1:08:22You are truly a disappointment to us all, Mr Burgundy!
1:08:24 > 1:08:27'Bob Dylan once wrote, "The times, they are a-changin'."
1:08:27 > 1:08:30'Ron Burgundy had never heard that song.
1:08:30 > 1:08:33'So when he fell, he fell hard.'
1:08:34 > 1:08:36THEME MUSIC
1:08:36 > 1:08:40'It's Channel 4 News at six o'clock!'
1:08:41 > 1:08:46'Good evening, San Diego. I'm lead anchor Veronica Corningstone.
1:08:46 > 1:08:49'Tonight's top story - an ultrasound of Ling Wong,
1:08:49 > 1:08:51'the most famous panda in the world,
1:08:51 > 1:08:53'shows that her baby is doing quite well.'
1:08:53 > 1:08:56NO! PHONE RINGS
1:09:01 > 1:09:04Ron Burgundy. Stay classy. Ahem...
1:09:04 > 1:09:07'Hello, this is Ron... Hello?!'
1:09:07 > 1:09:10Who's there? I'm talking. Hello!
1:09:10 > 1:09:13'Who is this? Baxter? Is that you?
1:09:13 > 1:09:15'Baxter!
1:09:15 > 1:09:18'Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee...
1:09:18 > 1:09:21'Is this Will Chamberlain?'
1:09:21 > 1:09:24Have the courage to say something! Hello!
1:09:26 > 1:09:27HELLO!
1:09:30 > 1:09:31Argh!
1:09:33 > 1:09:36Hey, you watch yourself, mister.
1:09:36 > 1:09:38Hey, lady in the red hat! Yeah!
1:09:41 > 1:09:42HE GROANS
1:09:42 > 1:09:44Guys!
1:09:44 > 1:09:46Guys, it's me, Ron! Fellas!
1:09:47 > 1:09:51- Harken said he'd fire us if we talk to you.- What?!
1:09:51 > 1:09:53I'm sorry.
1:09:53 > 1:09:55I... Brian!
1:09:55 > 1:09:58- It's Ronnie!- Ron!- Champ!
1:09:58 > 1:10:01- RON!- Champ, come on.
1:10:01 > 1:10:04Oh, Brick! My sweet Brick!
1:10:05 > 1:10:08Brick, come hug me! I know you want to.
1:10:08 > 1:10:10HE CLAPS AND SNAPS FINGERS
1:10:10 > 1:10:13I am completely miserable, San Diego!
1:10:16 > 1:10:18It's so damn hot!
1:10:20 > 1:10:22Milk was a bad choice.
1:10:29 > 1:10:34Yes... Chris, listen to me. Put down the gun, let the marching band go.
1:10:34 > 1:10:36We'll play it off as a prank.
1:10:36 > 1:10:38- We'll straighten it out later. - PHONE RINGS
1:10:38 > 1:10:41I'm getting another call. ..Ed Harken...
1:10:41 > 1:10:43What?
1:10:43 > 1:10:45Oh, my God! Listen, everybody!
1:10:45 > 1:10:48Ling Wong the panda is giving birth!
1:10:48 > 1:10:51Get Corningstone over there right away!
1:10:51 > 1:10:53The network is picking up the feed.
1:10:53 > 1:10:56I want a shot of that panda being born!
1:11:02 > 1:11:04This is Ted Nightingale, Channel 6 News,
1:11:04 > 1:11:06Los Angeles, from the San Diego Zoo.
1:11:06 > 1:11:10And this is the moment the entire world has been waiting for.
1:11:10 > 1:11:14I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda,
1:11:14 > 1:11:16but if I had to guess, I'd say female.
1:11:16 > 1:11:20- Excuse me. Press. Press. - Watch it!- Excuse me, I'm press.- Ow!
1:11:20 > 1:11:23- What you got?- Nothing. All I can see is a blue curtain.
1:11:23 > 1:11:27Oh, dammit. You go over there and see if you can get a shot.
1:11:27 > 1:11:29I'll go this way.
1:11:29 > 1:11:30Excuse me.
1:11:30 > 1:11:33Hey, lady! Why don't you go fetch me a sandwich? Ha-ha!
1:11:33 > 1:11:37- OK, I'll go get your sandwich.- Thank you.- Then I'll show you the ratings,
1:11:37 > 1:11:41where you're number two to a woman. Ouch. Don't lose any more hair.
1:11:42 > 1:11:45- Whatever. - You're live, Mr Mantooth.
1:11:45 > 1:11:47Good afternoon, San Diego.
1:11:47 > 1:11:51We're here today to celebrate the birth of a panda.
1:11:51 > 1:11:53DRUNKENLY: # Sky rockets in flight...
1:11:53 > 1:11:58# Afternoon deli-ght
1:11:58 > 1:12:01# Ah... # HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
1:12:01 > 1:12:04# I make fart noises with my mouth... #
1:12:04 > 1:12:06HE BLOWS RASPBERRY # ..And I like to... #
1:12:06 > 1:12:11Hey, nut-job! Quit the singing! You're creepin' out the regulars.
1:12:11 > 1:12:15I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!
1:12:15 > 1:12:19You been in here every day, stinking up the joint with your craziness.
1:12:19 > 1:12:23- What the hell is wrong with you?! - I've got no heart!
1:12:23 > 1:12:26Because a she-devil stole it!
1:12:26 > 1:12:29You know the worst part about it?
1:12:30 > 1:12:32She's better than me!
1:12:34 > 1:12:36She's better than me.
1:12:37 > 1:12:39You know, times are changing.
1:12:39 > 1:12:42Ladies can do stuff now!
1:12:42 > 1:12:45You're going to have to learn how to deal with that.
1:12:45 > 1:12:48What? Were you saying something?
1:12:48 > 1:12:50Look, I don't speak Spanish.
1:12:50 > 1:12:52HE SNORTS
1:13:01 > 1:13:04Scotty! Scotty, I have the shot!
1:13:04 > 1:13:06Scotty! SCOTTY!
1:13:06 > 1:13:11Ahem... Hey! That is some fantastic shot you got there.
1:13:11 > 1:13:14That's the kind of shot that gets you to the top of network news.
1:13:14 > 1:13:17- Well, we hope! - We at Public Television...
1:13:17 > 1:13:20we're really down with the...
1:13:20 > 1:13:21women's-lib thing.
1:13:21 > 1:13:25You know, that is so refreshing to me, because the struggle that...
1:13:25 > 1:13:27Agh!
1:13:30 > 1:13:32- Howie!- Agh!- Got the shot.
1:13:34 > 1:13:37- Up a little. Up, up. - Oh! You son of a bitch!
1:13:37 > 1:13:41(Ssh! You don't want to wake up your friends!)
1:13:44 > 1:13:45Agh!
1:13:45 > 1:13:47- (Agh!) - SHE SCREAMS SILENTLY
1:13:47 > 1:13:49BEARS GROWL SOFTLY
1:13:51 > 1:13:53(Help!)
1:13:53 > 1:13:57- How do you lose your lead anchor?! - I can't find Corningstone.
1:13:57 > 1:14:01- Where is she?!- No-one's seen her. - Every news outlet in the world
1:14:01 > 1:14:06is looking for coverage on this, I've got no damn lead anchor!
1:14:06 > 1:14:11Dammit, get me a phone. I can't believe I'm about to do this.
1:14:11 > 1:14:13PHONE RINGS
1:14:13 > 1:14:17- Rocky's Bar Grill, fine dining. - Is there an anchorman there?
1:14:17 > 1:14:20- Hold on. - It's killing me to do this.
1:14:20 > 1:14:22I'd rather slit my throat... Hello?
1:14:23 > 1:14:25- Hello?- 'Ron?'- Who is this?
1:14:25 > 1:14:28- 'It's me, Ron. Ed.' - Who?- 'Ed Harken!'
1:14:28 > 1:14:31- I don't know a Ned!- 'Ed Harken!'
1:14:31 > 1:14:34- ED! Ed, hello!- 'Listen, Ron,'
1:14:34 > 1:14:36Miss Corningstone disappeared
1:14:36 > 1:14:38in the midst of the biggest story of the year.
1:14:38 > 1:14:41- 'We need you down here right away.' - Wait, Ed...
1:14:41 > 1:14:43Does this mean you're asking me to...
1:14:43 > 1:14:44report the news again?
1:14:46 > 1:14:50- Yes.- Ed, that's wonderful! Thank you!
1:14:50 > 1:14:52'I want to just say a few words!'
1:14:52 > 1:14:55SOBBING: You have always been a good friend!
1:14:55 > 1:14:57- Always!- 'Right. Right...'
1:14:57 > 1:14:58Always! HE WAILS
1:14:58 > 1:15:02Get down here as quickly as you can.
1:15:02 > 1:15:04Ed, I'll be down there!
1:15:04 > 1:15:06And I'm going to look good.
1:15:16 > 1:15:19Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy.
1:15:19 > 1:15:22Damn! That dude cleans up good!
1:15:22 > 1:15:26If I'm going to do this, I'll need my news team at my side.
1:15:29 > 1:15:32HE BLOWS ECHOING BLAST
1:15:34 > 1:15:39'NEWS TEAM, ASSEMBLE!'
1:15:45 > 1:15:48NEWS TEAM, ASSEMBLE!
1:15:50 > 1:15:52Hey, Ron.
1:15:52 > 1:15:54What's up?
1:15:54 > 1:15:55Oh...
1:15:55 > 1:15:57Hi. Didn't see you there.
1:15:57 > 1:16:01We've been here literally the entire time you have.
1:16:01 > 1:16:03I'm a little embarrassed.
1:16:04 > 1:16:07Look, I just got the call from Harken.
1:16:07 > 1:16:12He wants me back. But I can't do this without my news team.
1:16:12 > 1:16:15I don't know, Ron. It was half a lifetime ago.
1:16:15 > 1:16:18- We're different people now. - When you left, the hurt was so deep.
1:16:18 > 1:16:22- I can't go through that again. - Think about what you're asking.
1:16:22 > 1:16:24- Think about... - INCOHERENT NOISES
1:16:24 > 1:16:26- ..man!- Gentlemen...
1:16:26 > 1:16:29there was a time
1:16:29 > 1:16:32when you called me your lead anchor.
1:16:35 > 1:16:37Will you follow me again?
1:16:39 > 1:16:42I'm gettin' too old for this shit.
1:16:42 > 1:16:44To the news van!
1:16:44 > 1:16:45- To the news van! - To the news van!- OK!
1:16:55 > 1:16:57Argh!
1:16:58 > 1:17:01Well, I'll be, Ron Burgundy! He's back!
1:17:01 > 1:17:05Right, let's get a good position for the story. How does the hair look?
1:17:05 > 1:17:08Magnificent. You have hair like an angel.
1:17:08 > 1:17:11Oh! Whoa, whoa! Network talent scout.
1:17:11 > 1:17:14Ooh, this is a hot one. I'm actually nervous.
1:17:14 > 1:17:16- Let's go get 'em, guys.- 'Help...'
1:17:16 > 1:17:18Wait! Did you just hear something?
1:17:18 > 1:17:21- BEARS GROWL - Hel...
1:17:21 > 1:17:23- Veronica!- (Help!)
1:17:23 > 1:17:26- Are you OK?- Ssh!
1:17:26 > 1:17:27How did you get down there?
1:17:27 > 1:17:29(Just go get someone, please!)
1:17:29 > 1:17:30(Hold on!)
1:17:30 > 1:17:31HOLD ON!
1:17:31 > 1:17:33BEAR GROWLS
1:17:34 > 1:17:37- We've got to do something!- Whoa!
1:17:37 > 1:17:39Ron, I don't want to sound cruel, but...
1:17:39 > 1:17:41There's a network talent scout over there.
1:17:41 > 1:17:45This is a tough decision! So much to think about.
1:17:45 > 1:17:48Basically the biggest story of my career
1:17:48 > 1:17:51launching me to a level I've never known before, or...
1:17:51 > 1:17:56saving the woman I used to have familiar relations with.
1:17:56 > 1:17:58This is hard!
1:17:58 > 1:18:01I am in a pickle!
1:18:01 > 1:18:06Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.
1:18:06 > 1:18:08No. Hold on.
1:18:08 > 1:18:10It's clear now.
1:18:13 > 1:18:15We go into the bear pit.
1:18:16 > 1:18:19- No, Ron! No! - HE YELLS
1:18:19 > 1:18:21THUMP! Oof!
1:18:21 > 1:18:24Oh! BEAR GRUNTS
1:18:24 > 1:18:27(I...immediately regret this decision!)
1:18:27 > 1:18:30Ron! Why didn't you go get help?!
1:18:30 > 1:18:35These bears are massive! They looked a lot smaller from up there.
1:18:35 > 1:18:37Fan out. Let's go find Harken.
1:18:37 > 1:18:40Stay...calm.
1:18:42 > 1:18:45It's all right. I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla.
1:18:45 > 1:18:49Ron, in case we die here today,
1:18:49 > 1:18:52there's something that you should know.
1:18:52 > 1:18:55That dirty trick with the teleprompter, it wasn't my...
1:18:55 > 1:18:57Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!
1:18:57 > 1:18:59It wasn't you, was it?!
1:18:59 > 1:19:02It was Wes Mantooth! I should've known...
1:19:02 > 1:19:04No. No, no... I did it.
1:19:04 > 1:19:06- You BITCH!- Ssh!
1:19:06 > 1:19:09BEAR GROWLS
1:19:09 > 1:19:10You woke the bears!
1:19:10 > 1:19:12Why did you do that?
1:19:12 > 1:19:14BEAR GROWLS
1:19:14 > 1:19:17Agh! There's somebody in the bear pit!
1:19:17 > 1:19:19THEY ALL SHOUT EXCITEDLY
1:19:19 > 1:19:21BEAR GROWLS
1:19:21 > 1:19:23It took my...impending death
1:19:23 > 1:19:26for me to realise how much I need you.
1:19:27 > 1:19:29Oh, Ron!
1:19:32 > 1:19:36- Those bears are going to hurt them. - News team, let's hunt.
1:19:38 > 1:19:39News team!
1:19:43 > 1:19:44ALL: Bear fight!
1:19:47 > 1:19:49Come on! Come on!
1:19:54 > 1:19:57Oh, damn!
1:19:57 > 1:20:00Hit 'em in the uvula!
1:20:00 > 1:20:01Hey, Ron!
1:20:01 > 1:20:03I'm riding a furry tractor!
1:20:04 > 1:20:08The bears have descended on the news team and it's not going well.
1:20:08 > 1:20:09Clearly, after today,
1:20:09 > 1:20:11I would no longer...
1:20:11 > 1:20:13Come on! Ah, God!
1:20:13 > 1:20:16This is gettin' to be ri-goddamn-diculous!
1:20:17 > 1:20:19Oh, no...
1:20:19 > 1:20:22We woke up the momma.
1:20:22 > 1:20:24BEAR BELLOWS
1:20:27 > 1:20:29I don't want to die!
1:20:29 > 1:20:31BAXTER BARKS
1:20:35 > 1:20:36Baxter!
1:20:38 > 1:20:39BAXTER BARKS
1:20:39 > 1:20:41BEAR ROARS
1:21:13 > 1:21:15CROWD CHEERS
1:21:15 > 1:21:18Look! They're following their mother!
1:21:18 > 1:21:19It's instinct.
1:21:20 > 1:21:23Oh, Baxter! Oh!
1:21:23 > 1:21:26Oh, Baxter, you're still alive!
1:21:26 > 1:21:28OH, I'M SO HAPPY!
1:21:28 > 1:21:32SOBBING: I'M SO HAPPY YOU ARE ALIVE!
1:21:32 > 1:21:34I'M SO HAPPY!
1:21:34 > 1:21:37HE SOBS
1:21:41 > 1:21:43I want to lick you!
1:21:43 > 1:21:46I want to lick you in front of everyone to show my joy!
1:21:48 > 1:21:50Well, he really likes that dog.
1:21:50 > 1:21:55CROWD CHANTS: Burgundy! Burgundy! Burgundy! Burgundy!
1:21:58 > 1:21:59- Whoa!- Hi, Ronnie.
1:22:01 > 1:22:03It's always a long fall from the top, isn't it?
1:22:03 > 1:22:08- Easy, Wes.- I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time, Ronnie.
1:22:08 > 1:22:12Deep down in my stomach, with every inch of me,
1:22:12 > 1:22:13I pure...
1:22:13 > 1:22:16straight...hate you.
1:22:17 > 1:22:20CROWD GASPS
1:22:21 > 1:22:23But, goddammit, do I respect you!
1:22:36 > 1:22:38Thank you, brother.
1:22:41 > 1:22:44CROWD CHANTS: Burgundy! Burgundy! Burgundy!
1:22:44 > 1:22:46Today, we spell redemption...
1:22:46 > 1:22:48R-O-N.
1:22:53 > 1:22:56Ron, I think you've got a story to report.
1:22:59 > 1:23:02- Are you sure, Ed?- Do it.
1:23:03 > 1:23:05It's the story you were born to tell.
1:23:10 > 1:23:12San Diego's waiting. Go get 'em.
1:23:12 > 1:23:17Make way! Ron Burgundy's about to report on panda!
1:23:19 > 1:23:22- Are we done? Three...? - You're live, Mr Burgundy.
1:23:22 > 1:23:27This is Ron Burgundy, proudly reporting once again
1:23:27 > 1:23:32for Channel 4 News. Today's story is one of the more remarkable things
1:23:32 > 1:23:34ever to happen to San Diego,
1:23:34 > 1:23:37or even the world.
1:23:37 > 1:23:41But in order to properly re-tell it, I'm going to need some help
1:23:41 > 1:23:44from my...co-anchor,
1:23:44 > 1:23:47Miss Veronica Corningstone.
1:23:49 > 1:23:52- Hi...- No. No, no, no, Brick.
1:23:52 > 1:23:55- A high-pressure system... - Go stand over there.
1:23:55 > 1:23:57CROWD CHEERS
1:23:57 > 1:23:59Oh, Ron...
1:23:59 > 1:24:03there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead,
1:24:03 > 1:24:06but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.
1:24:10 > 1:24:12CROWD CHEERS
1:24:12 > 1:24:16'Yes, redemption was sweet for Ron Burgundy.'
1:24:16 > 1:24:18YES! RON!
1:24:18 > 1:24:22- 'As for the news team...' - Stop it! RON...!
1:24:22 > 1:24:26'..Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL,
1:24:26 > 1:24:29'but was later fired, after being accused of sexual harassment...
1:24:29 > 1:24:32'by Terry Bradshaw.'
1:24:32 > 1:24:36Excuse me, is that Sex Panther you're wearing?
1:24:36 > 1:24:38HE HOWLS
1:24:38 > 1:24:41'Brian Fantana went on to have great success
1:24:41 > 1:24:43'as the host of the hit reality-TV show
1:24:43 > 1:24:46'Intercourse Island, on the Fox Network.'
1:24:46 > 1:24:49Anyone seen Brick?
1:24:49 > 1:24:52Don't! It tickles! It tickles me!
1:24:52 > 1:24:53HE GIGGLES
1:24:53 > 1:24:56'Brick Tamland is married with 11 children
1:24:56 > 1:24:59'and is one of the top political advisors
1:24:59 > 1:25:00'to the Bush White House.'
1:25:00 > 1:25:03I'll get you! I'll get you!
1:25:13 > 1:25:17'And Ron and Veronica didn't stay in San Diego long.
1:25:19 > 1:25:23'I chose them as my replacement, and they became
1:25:23 > 1:25:25'the first mixed-gender network news team.
1:25:25 > 1:25:27'And they're still doing it today.'
1:25:27 > 1:25:30From all of us here at the World News Center,
1:25:30 > 1:25:32I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1:25:32 > 1:25:35And I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy,
1:25:35 > 1:25:37Planet Earth.
1:25:40 > 1:25:43# Carry on, my wayward son
1:25:43 > 1:25:46# There'll be peace when you are done
1:25:46 > 1:25:51# Lay your weary head to rest
1:25:51 > 1:25:53# Don't you cry no more... #
1:25:53 > 1:25:57HE GASPS Oh, great Odin's raven!
1:25:57 > 1:26:00HE GASPS Oh, by the hammer of Thor!
1:26:00 > 1:26:03HE GASPS Oh, St Damien's beard!
1:26:03 > 1:26:06Sweet grandmother's spatula!
1:26:06 > 1:26:08Hot pot of coffee!
1:26:08 > 1:26:12Uncle Jonathan's corn-cob pipe!
1:26:14 > 1:26:17I'm going to shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking...
1:26:17 > 1:26:20in the back of the head. SHE GIGGLES
1:26:20 > 1:26:21- I'm sorry! - CREW LAUGHS
1:26:23 > 1:26:27You're not very bright. You're actually quite a dullard.
1:26:27 > 1:26:29- Well...- Everyone here knows it.
1:26:29 > 1:26:32Well, if I'm a dullard, you're the...
1:26:32 > 1:26:36- dullard...- Can't think of anything to say now, can you?
1:26:36 > 1:26:40- Yes, I can. I can think of a lot of things to say, like...- Ooh.
1:26:40 > 1:26:42..you're a dirty bitch.
1:26:44 > 1:26:46Well, Ron, I'm going to put poison...
1:26:46 > 1:26:48SHE LAUGHS
1:26:49 > 1:26:52CREW LAUGHS
1:26:53 > 1:26:56I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava.
1:26:56 > 1:26:59I ate a whole bunch of fibreglass insulation.
1:26:59 > 1:27:01It wasn't cotton candy, like that guy said.
1:27:01 > 1:27:03My stomach's itchy!
1:27:03 > 1:27:05I pooped a hammer!
1:27:05 > 1:27:07I pooped a tape recorder.
1:27:07 > 1:27:09I pooped a Cornish gay man.
1:27:11 > 1:27:13Huh...
1:27:13 > 1:27:15- HE LAUGHS - No.
1:27:16 > 1:27:20You do not take a tone with me because I will give you a rattle,
1:27:20 > 1:27:23- right on the Jack Johnson!- OK...- Yes.
1:27:23 > 1:27:25- Now this is happening. - What are you doing?
1:27:25 > 1:27:28What... What are you doing?
1:27:35 > 1:27:37I guess I'll go back to doing what I do best...
1:27:37 > 1:27:40I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best...
1:27:40 > 1:27:43- When do we get started? - When do we get started?
1:27:43 > 1:27:45- That's my line. - When do we get started?
1:27:45 > 1:27:48- That's MY line. You say, "Whenever you like."- Whenever you like.
1:27:48 > 1:27:50- SHE LAUGHS - It's all right, keep rolling.
1:27:50 > 1:27:51- This is good stuff. - Yeah, I like this.
1:28:06 > 1:28:08Brick, are you still having
1:28:08 > 1:28:10- your celebrity golf tournament this summer?- No. No.
1:28:10 > 1:28:12Too many people died last year,
1:28:12 > 1:28:14- so we're not going to... - HE GIGGLES
1:28:14 > 1:28:16Sorry.
1:28:17 > 1:28:19They named it...San Diego
1:28:19 > 1:28:22which, in German, means...
1:28:22 > 1:28:26a whale's vagina. THEY GIGGLE
1:28:30 > 1:28:32This is the most ridiculous thing ever!
1:28:35 > 1:28:38MUSIC: "Carry On My Wayward Son," by Kansas
1:28:52 > 1:28:56# Carry on, my wayward son
1:28:56 > 1:28:59# There'll be peace when you are done
1:28:59 > 1:29:03# Lay your weary head to rest
1:29:03 > 1:29:05# Don't you cry
1:29:05 > 1:29:06# Don't you cry no more... #
1:29:22 > 1:29:25- THEY ALL LAUGH - Way to handle them, Ron.
1:29:25 > 1:29:28It sure is good to be number one.
1:29:28 > 1:29:30It beats the hell out of number two.
1:29:30 > 1:29:34THEY ALL LAUGH We are laughing!
1:29:34 > 1:29:39We are very good friends! Good buddies, sharing a special moment!
1:29:39 > 1:29:42Don't say anything, Ron. Just let it out.
1:29:42 > 1:29:44Laughing, enjoying our friendship...
1:29:44 > 1:29:46Some day, we'll look back on this
1:29:46 > 1:29:49with much fondness.
1:29:49 > 1:29:52AWKWARD SILENCE
1:29:52 > 1:29:54HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY