0:00:02 > 0:00:04MUSIC: "Oh, dear what can the matter be?"
0:00:04 > 0:00:08# Three old ladies locked in the lavatory. #
0:01:32 > 0:01:40- "Four matching pairs wash basins for Carters, Aberdeen." - Check.
0:01:40 > 0:01:46- "Two Princess Suites, complete with stainless steel fittings for Girlings, London."- Check.
0:01:46 > 0:01:52- "Six top-flushing urinals."- Stand-up ones?- Is there any other sort?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Funny things happen these days.
0:01:54 > 0:02:00"Six top-flushing urinals, regular design for the YWCA, Wigan."
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- "One matching pa..." Y- W- C A?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Funny things DO happen!
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Well, Miss Withering, how does it feel?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Comfortable? Yes, I think so, Mr Boggs.
0:02:21 > 0:02:26- Good! Comfort before beauty. - It's a bit big in the bowl, I think.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30By 2 centimetres. We shan't fall out over that.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33It's falling IN I'm worried about!
0:02:33 > 0:02:38- I like your overall design, Mr Coote. - Thank you.
0:02:38 > 0:02:44- May I get off now, please? - Of course! Thank you, you've been most patient.
0:02:44 > 0:02:50- Like Job on a monument!- The catch must be strong to support the seat.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54- Do you mind if I try it? - No, go ahead! Yes, do!
0:03:05 > 0:03:11- I couldn't stand it for more than 30 minutes. - It's not a reading room!
0:03:11 > 0:03:17- Look at this. Very slender, this pedestal.- Hmm. It's streamlined!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20What for? Wind resistance?
0:03:20 > 0:03:24The thickness has no bearing on tensile strength.
0:03:24 > 0:03:32I've had bitter experience of what happens when one collapses - or rather, my wife had, rest her soul.
0:03:32 > 0:03:37I can assure you, sir, an elephant could safely use that toilet.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Not without a much bigger bowl!
0:03:40 > 0:03:45We can't afford to take chances. Dependability before beauty!
0:03:45 > 0:03:52Miss Withering, just one more time, and this time come down on it like a TON of bricks!
0:03:52 > 0:03:57So far, so good. Now just bump up and down.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Excellent! Excellent! Bump! Bump!
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Things that go prrt! in the night.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- "One matching pair" of what?- Beauts.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12"One matching pair of be..."? Eh?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Hello, Myrt love.- Hello, Vic.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- How about it this afternoon? - Not standing up.
0:04:19 > 0:04:25No, sitting down. I've got grandstand tickets. Kick-off is at 3.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29Three o'clock! We're working till 5.30!
0:04:29 > 0:04:34I wouldn't bet on that, love. I'll take you out for supper after.
0:04:34 > 0:04:39Got a cup of tea? No more floor service.
0:04:39 > 0:04:45- What?- New rule. Drinks to be served in the canteen during official breaks.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49That's taking a diabolical liberty!
0:04:49 > 0:04:53And that's something you know ALL about!
0:04:53 > 0:04:59- Do you mind? I'll not let them away with this!- I didn't want a cup anyway.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04That's irreverent! This constitutes an infringement of workers' rights.
0:05:04 > 0:05:09Old Tinderbottom's off again. Another strike I suppose.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Oh no, what's it for?
0:05:12 > 0:05:16You know our Vic. He's never known what it's for!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr Boggs.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28I should have sounded my hooter, Miss Plummer.
0:05:28 > 0:05:34- There's "Silver Spoon", at it again.- He can't help being the boss's son.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Privileged class, sitting on his...
0:05:37 > 0:05:42The girls call him "Pencil-doings" that's how privileged HE is!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- Morning, all.- Morning, Mr Boggs.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58I'd like to see you for a few moments, please.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01All right, but make it quick, Spanner.
0:06:01 > 0:06:09I understand a new rule has been introduced that tea may no longer be served outside the canteen.
0:06:09 > 0:06:15- That's right. I made it.- Oh, well, as the Union's representative I wish to protest!
0:06:15 > 0:06:22- It infringes the Workers' rights. - Come off it!- I'll show you in the "Nooky" rule book.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26They're making rules about THAT now?
0:06:27 > 0:06:33N.U.C.I.E. "The National Union of Chinaware Industrial Employees."
0:06:33 > 0:06:37You know what you can do with their rule book.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- What's that?- I'll give you a clue.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45These pages are just about the same size as our toilet-paper holders.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Now d'you get the idea?
0:06:47 > 0:06:52Great, steaming Public School nit. You all heard him.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57- Aggravation of a genuine grievance. - Everybody out.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59What did I tell you?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Meeting in the canteen in ten minutes.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- Meeting...when was it?- Ten minutes.
0:07:06 > 0:07:12- Meeting in ten minutes...where? - The canteen.- Meeting in ten... - They KNOW.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21- Oh! Excuse me.- Lewis, my boy.
0:07:21 > 0:07:26We're just discussing the new Princess Beatrice suite.
0:07:26 > 0:07:33- Please don't get up, Miss Withering.- But I want to get up, Mr Lewis.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Rather elegant, wouldn't you say?
0:07:36 > 0:07:42I thought we were modernising our stuff, and including a bidet.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I designed one. Mr Boggs sat on it.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51- On the idea, I mean. - Bidets are not quite US.
0:07:51 > 0:07:58- All our competitors make them. - I dare say, but I thought the limited demand...
0:07:58 > 0:08:05- Limited demand?! I told you about that enquiry from abroad for a thousand of them.- I know.
0:08:05 > 0:08:12But my grandfather wouldn't have approved of the name Boggs being associated with such an article.
0:08:12 > 0:08:18- Can't you persuade him?- It's as easy washing your feet in the bath
0:08:18 > 0:08:25- They're not for washing your feet! - Are they for dogs to drink out of? - No!
0:08:26 > 0:08:31If it's for that, do a headstand in the shower.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- Lewis, my boy.- Sssh.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- Can you hear anything?- No.
0:08:37 > 0:08:42- Nor can I.- Well, that's all right. - No, it's not. They've stopped work.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51I tell you, it is time we made a stand.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56It is time the bosses learned they can't mess the worker about.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- What do you say?- Down with 'em! - That's right.
0:09:00 > 0:09:06The bloated bureaucrats must see they can't grind our faces in the dust!
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- What do you say?- Down with 'em! - That's right.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14This issue isn't just over when you can have a cuppa.
0:09:14 > 0:09:21- Oh, no! This ruling is another blow aimed at the fundamental rights of the worker.- Hear, hear!
0:09:21 > 0:09:26It's another prod at the vitals of your personal freedom.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29I haven't noticed anyone prodding my vitals!
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Good for you. Ready for you any time.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- LAUGHTER - Yes, all right, quiet please.
0:09:37 > 0:09:44But I seem to remember that you got very upset when they banned you women from wearing trousers.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- What about that?- Down with 'em!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Cheeky, Bernie.
0:09:49 > 0:09:56- I didn't mean down with the trousers. - Anyway, I'm now calling for an immediate stoppage of work,
0:09:56 > 0:10:03pending reinstatement of the tea rounds. Those in favour, raise your hand. Count 'em.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Are you in favour?
0:10:08 > 0:10:14- Of course I am, you fool! - Oh, well...that makes two.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18That's that. Mind if we get back to work?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Wait one more minute, please.
0:10:20 > 0:10:27I would like to make a last appeal to your reason and commonsense. I'll call for one more vote,
0:10:27 > 0:10:32and remember the Rovers are playing at home today,
0:10:32 > 0:10:37and kick-off is at three o'clock. Right, all those in favour?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Count 'em.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Hello. ..Trouble.
0:10:47 > 0:10:53Never saw so many people wanting to leave the room at the same time.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00I have to inform you, it has been decided by a majority vote
0:11:00 > 0:11:05that unless the tea rounds are returned there will be a walk out.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08We're playing at home today, aren't we?
0:11:08 > 0:11:13- You're not going to let them get away with this?- Leave it to me.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18The tea rounds were laid on by management as a privilege.
0:11:18 > 0:11:26- Doing away with them hardly breaks any union rules.- That's where you're wrong and I quote:
0:11:26 > 0:11:32Page 154, paragraph 79... B. "Treatment of the Workers."
0:11:32 > 0:11:39"Action may be taken if management doesn't provide adequate facilities for the workers' natural needs."
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- "Natural needs"? - Drinking for instance.
0:11:42 > 0:11:48So's sex, but that doesn't mean they have to lay on crumpet!
0:11:48 > 0:11:54Very funny, Mr Plummer, very funny. But are you prepared to reinstate the tea-rounds?
0:11:54 > 0:12:01You know I can't, but I'll pass on your complaint to the management. All right?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04No, we need a positive guarantee.
0:12:04 > 0:12:11- Why don't we have a talk about it? - No!- Mr Lewis...- NO. Now, listen to me.- Blimey!
0:12:11 > 0:12:17You may not know what it means, but I have made a Time and Motion Study.
0:12:17 > 0:12:24I know what it means. And, if you've got the time, I've certainly got the motion!
0:12:24 > 0:12:32- And I've noticed it, especially in your main production department. - Oh, you cheeky devil!
0:12:33 > 0:12:37- I'd like to show you how it works. - SHE knows!
0:12:39 > 0:12:45Mr Lewis, are we or are we not going to get what we want?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48That's up to Mrs Moore!
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- I mean, on the factory floor. - Not ruddy likely!
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Now, let's get down to business.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Sounds just like my old man!
0:13:05 > 0:13:07All right.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12In this factory, 166 extra mugs of tea are served in one week.
0:13:12 > 0:13:18Assuming that a worker goes to the toilet for every pint consumed,
0:13:18 > 0:13:21he will make 16 trips in one day.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Poor devil! He must have a weakness.
0:13:24 > 0:13:30Not quite, Mr Hulke. It means that if a trip takes four and a half minutes
0:13:30 > 0:13:3372 minutes are lost in each day.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Which equals 15 hours lost weekly going to the toilet.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40So, what is the answer?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Tie a knot in it.
0:13:45 > 0:13:51Quite. But a less painful solution, I think, is to cut out the extra tea rounds.
0:13:52 > 0:13:59Just one moment, please, Mr Lewis. Do the management want the workers to stop going to the shi...loo
0:13:59 > 0:14:05- when they want to?- Not exactly. - You want to cut down on the number of trips?
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Yes, that's it.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12- A clear case of restrictive practice.- Right into it.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Everybody out!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Fine mess I made of that.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- You could have done what they wanted.- I don't give in easily.
0:14:28 > 0:14:36- You'll have to if you want 'em back tomorrow.- I know. But it gives us a free afternoon.- Us?
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- Yes, we can have a nice run and then something to eat.- Sorry.
0:14:40 > 0:14:45- I'll pick you up outside the Odeon at 2.30.- Lewis!
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Try not to be late. There's "no waiting" there.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Ah! Spanner!
0:14:52 > 0:14:59- Thanks! I was worried we might have to work this afternoon. - What about your production loss?
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Think of the wages we're saving!
0:15:04 > 0:15:07What's up with him? He's gone potty.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11No, he's learning some sense at last!
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Saving on the wages? What's he on about?
0:15:15 > 0:15:22- Anyway, are you all right for this afternoon?- No, Vic, I promised to help Mum with things.
0:15:22 > 0:15:27- Instead of the football? - Yeah! Funny girl, aren't I?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Blimey! She's gone potty, an' all.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Saving on the wages?
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Excuse the rush, but I've got a lot to do. 'Bye.
0:15:46 > 0:15:51- Wish I had a lot to do. - Don't we all? Thanks for the lift.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- See you down the pub? - No. The Lord and Master is home.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01- Then you'll have plenty to do. - Huh! Fred is a Saturday nighter.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05- What a waste!- You never stop, I suppose?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Only to fill my pipe!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13That'll do, saucy!
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Hello, Fred, Sid just gave me a lift home.
0:16:18 > 0:16:23I hope that's all he gave you. Fred!
0:16:23 > 0:16:26CHLOE: Spanner organised a walk out.
0:16:26 > 0:16:32- How can I sell our products if you don't make 'em? - Only the 13th strike this year.
0:16:32 > 0:16:37- What's it about? - The take in and put out figures.
0:16:37 > 0:16:43- The take in and put out figures? - The tea and pee figures!
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Sid! I'm glad you find it so funny.
0:16:47 > 0:16:52- Yes.- Trouble at the works! We seem to have it once a week.
0:16:52 > 0:16:58- Isn't that how you like it? - Let's eat. I could do with a bit.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Spoken like a TRUE man!
0:17:14 > 0:17:19That's all I need - a face-full of soggy knickers!
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Eugh!
0:17:22 > 0:17:27Nice Joey. Pretty Joey. Pretty little boy then.
0:17:27 > 0:17:32Nice little boy then. Who's a nice little boy?
0:17:32 > 0:17:38Going to say "Hello, Mummy"? Hello, Mummy. Go on, say it. Hello, Mummy!
0:17:38 > 0:17:43Look what Mummy's got for him. A nice little toy.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47TOY RATTLES A nice little toy for a clever boy!
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Ta, Mummy.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54Oh, blimey! Can't you give that poor bleeding bird a rest?
0:17:54 > 0:18:01- The only way you get them to talk is by chatting.- Chatting, yes, not nagging 'im to death.
0:18:01 > 0:18:07- He ought to talk.- He would if he could get a word in. - I- still have trouble!
0:18:07 > 0:18:14If only he'd give a little chirp, that would be something. He ought to make some sort of noise.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- How about dinner? - He's got plenty to eat.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20For ME, not for him.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25- Haven't you had anything?- No. Didn't Myrtle say there's a strike?
0:18:25 > 0:18:31- No. I wondered why she was home at lunchtime.- Now you know.
0:18:31 > 0:18:36Did you hear that, Joey? All those naughty men are on strike again!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Naughty men! Naughty men!
0:18:38 > 0:18:44- How about something to eat? - I've had something.- For ME!
0:18:44 > 0:18:49Ohhh. Well...I could make you some beans on toast, I think.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52No, nothing elaborate, thank you.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Mummy's just going to get Daddy some din-dins.
0:18:56 > 0:19:03- Will you be all right?- Of COURSE he will. What can he do? Chuck himself into his drink?
0:19:03 > 0:19:09Being left alone upsets him, and then he (dirties his cage).
0:19:14 > 0:19:19She spoils you to budgery. D'you know that?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22CRASH OF CROCKERY
0:19:27 > 0:19:35What do you think your daddy's got for you today, then? A honey ring! Yes!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37What you got to say to that, then?
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Ta, Daddy.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Ta, Daddy. Come on, mate, you can talk to me. Ta.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46TA!
0:19:46 > 0:19:50My washing's all over the floor in there.
0:19:50 > 0:19:57- What you doing to him?- Nothing. - Oh, yes, you are! What's nasty Daddy been doing to him, then?
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Nasty Daddy bought a honey ring! Are you reporting me to the RSPCA?
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- Did the nasty man buy him a horrid old honey ring?- Dear, oh dear!
0:20:07 > 0:20:15- He won't talk if you stuff him up with food!- One honey ring won't stop him talking!
0:20:15 > 0:20:21- If I thought that, I'd have bought you a crate of them! - Mummy'll take it away.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- That cost me a pint of beer. - Look what's happened!
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Well (he's done something). Here, hold this.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33Never mind, Joey, Mummy'll make him nice and clean again.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38Yes, she will. Little Joey, nice clean boy.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52FRED BURPS
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- He's after you, you know. - Eh? Who?
0:20:55 > 0:21:03- Sid Plummer. - WHAT? You're joking! What d'you mean, he's after me?
0:21:03 > 0:21:08I'm a commercial traveller. I know when a bloke's on the make.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I mean, I've seen the others at it.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Because he gives me a lift home?
0:21:14 > 0:21:21It's the way he looks at you. Mind, you ask for it. Flashing your legs and things all over the place.
0:21:21 > 0:21:28- What? - Like two bald-headed convicts trying to burst out of gaol.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33- You're jealous. - I wouldn't be seen dead with those two!
0:21:33 > 0:21:39- I mean of Sid. - At his dangerous age a bloke will try almost anything.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Oh well, thank you VERY much.
0:21:42 > 0:21:48I didn't mean that. I get worried about you, me being away so much.
0:21:48 > 0:21:53Fred, do you really think I'd want to play around with anyone else,
0:21:53 > 0:21:58when I've got a smashing bloke like you to play around with?
0:21:58 > 0:22:03If there's no prime beef, women will make do with scrag end.
0:22:03 > 0:22:10You want to make sure there's plenty of prime beef when I need it!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Hey, mind my trousers! Take 'em off.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17In the middle of the day? I've got the day off.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22There's a time and place for everything. If you've got the time,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I've got the place. Before tea?!
0:22:29 > 0:22:32ROAR OF ENGINE
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Thanks. Want to come to the game?
0:22:35 > 0:22:39ENGINE ROARING Hello, Mrs Spanner. You all right?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Shut that bloody row! SHUT UP.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- What did she say?- TURN that off!
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- Turn it off!- I'll turn this off. Now, what is it?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- I SAID, turn it off.- It IS off.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- Do you want a ticket for the game?- Yes.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Pick me up at half-past two.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Vic, I think you handled the men marvellous.
0:23:02 > 0:23:08Oh...just a natural gift, that. Some men are born with the quality to leadership.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- I don't agree with the blokes. - What?
0:23:12 > 0:23:18- That you're a miserable little leader. Size isn't important. - You'd better go.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21And don't you worry, Vic...
0:23:21 > 0:23:27they'll laugh the other side of their faces, when you're Prime Minister.
0:23:27 > 0:23:33Good-for-nothing sod! Just like his father, may he rest in pieces!
0:23:33 > 0:23:40- Well, well, if it isn't my dear, sweet, old Mum. - Don't you come slobbering over me.
0:23:40 > 0:23:47And tell that half-witted giant if he brings that motorbike again I'll kick him where it hurts.
0:23:47 > 0:23:54- This is a refined neighbourhood and don't you bloody well forget it! - You remind me so nicely(!)
0:23:54 > 0:23:58Shut up and sit down or you'll be late for your work.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03Oh, em...We...em We don't have to go back today.
0:24:03 > 0:24:08Eh? You've started another bloody strike. HAVEN'T you?
0:24:08 > 0:24:14The men had a grievance and I could not watch them being ground under foot.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- Crap!- I am working for the workers' good.
0:24:18 > 0:24:24- You've never done a day's work! Like your father!- My father was a victim...
0:24:24 > 0:24:29..of a gin-ridden society! Without the lodgers, where would we be?!
0:24:29 > 0:24:36- I pay my way.- I forgot about that. I've been wondering what I'd do with your £4 this week.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40- Take myself to the Bahamas? - If I'm not welcome...
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Sit down on your backside!
0:24:43 > 0:24:48If you spent less time talking through it we might get somewhere.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53Now, we've got to feed the poor bloody, hard-working strikers.
0:24:53 > 0:25:01- There you are!- Cold sausages? - What?!- You're spoiling me, giving me it 15 times in one week.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05< Coo-ee. I'm in the dining room, Mr Coote.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Oh, hello! There you are. Lunch is ready.
0:25:09 > 0:25:14- Unless you want to wash your hands? - I think I can wait until after.
0:25:14 > 0:25:20Sit here, Mr Coote, I've put a clean napkin in your ring.
0:25:20 > 0:25:26You're TOO good to me! I'm only glad to have a REAL gentleman here.
0:25:26 > 0:25:32- Since my dear husband passed on, I've missed it. - I'm sure!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34How's VicTOR?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37..All right.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42I've got your favourite. You haven't! Steak and kidney pie.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Dear Mrs Spanner. You spoil me!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51A nice, clean boy again, then.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55What you going to say? Ta, Mummy. Ta, Mummy.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00- Talk about a non-stop performance. - His beak opened and closed there.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- No?- Yes!- Fancy!
0:26:02 > 0:26:07We'll have to write to the newspapers about that.
0:26:07 > 0:26:13- He generally just sits there doing nothing.- He's a mimic. He's copying you.
0:26:13 > 0:26:21- Say hello, Mummy. Go on.- What's this stuff on the table for? Are we having an exhibition?
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- D'you want me to clear it, then? - No, no, I can manage.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Say hello, Mummy. Hello. Go on.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Hello, Mummy. CRASH!
0:26:32 > 0:26:38I don't understand it. Mrs Phillips' bird talked in three months. Whole sentences.
0:26:38 > 0:26:43They weren't nice things. It had to be covered when the vicar called.
0:26:43 > 0:26:50- We should get rid of him. - No! He's company for me. That was the whole idea.
0:26:50 > 0:26:57It's all right for you. You go to work and enjoy yourself. I'm here alone all day.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01D'you mind? I'm trying to work out my bets.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05I wonder if he wants a little mate?
0:27:05 > 0:27:08What would he want a little mate for?
0:27:08 > 0:27:12- Give him something to do.- What?
0:27:12 > 0:27:18- You know!- No, I don't. Birds and fishes are a mystery. What do they do?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Oh, don't be silly!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23They...bill and coo.
0:27:23 > 0:27:28- What with?- I don't have to go into details, do I?
0:27:28 > 0:27:35Males and females all look the same. WE can tell what we've got hold of, but how can they tell?
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Well, we know Joey's a "he" bird.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43- Cock.- He is! The shopkeeper said so.
0:27:43 > 0:27:48- Cock bird, not "he" bird.- You wouldn't call yourself a cock man!
0:27:48 > 0:27:52Opportunity would be a fine thing!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54REVS ENGINE
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Shut that row, and move that thing!
0:28:03 > 0:28:06- ENGINE ROARING - Not so much noise!
0:28:06 > 0:28:10- Me mum's...- Go on, you gormless lump!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Go on!
0:28:12 > 0:28:17Quite right, Mrs Spanner! Mind your own bloody business.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were here.
0:28:23 > 0:28:28Oh, that's all right... Agatha. Has Victor gone?
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Yes, Charles. We're all alone now.
0:28:31 > 0:28:37- Good. How about it then? - I really ought to do the dishes.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39They can wait. Just a quick one.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42I find to hard to say no to you.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44You like it as much as I do.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Very well. I'll draw the curtains.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56Right? Yes.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Cut for deal.
0:29:10 > 0:29:15- OW!- What's the matter? Did you lose something?- Damn near.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Stay there.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28So that's your game?
0:29:28 > 0:29:32- Follow that car.- What car? - The one with Myrtle in it.- Who?
0:29:32 > 0:29:35- Get going.- Right, we're off!
0:29:49 > 0:29:54- Wasting time?- You never win on the horses.
0:29:54 > 0:30:00How ignorant can you get? I work it out scientifically, I study form.
0:30:00 > 0:30:05- You don't win. - They don't run scientifically.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09You throw that money away, while we go without.
0:30:09 > 0:30:15- I don't notice you going without anything. - Even if you won sometimes.
0:30:15 > 0:30:19- Could you do better? - I couldn't do worse.
0:30:19 > 0:30:26I'll read out the runners in the Newmarket 3 o'clock. You pick the winners.
0:30:26 > 0:30:30- But we won't know the winners till tonight.- This is yesterday's!
0:30:31 > 0:30:33- Oh.- Here we go.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36"Antony Watt. Jomon.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39"Carbia. Cleopatra."
0:30:39 > 0:30:44JOEY CHIRPS Sid! Did you hear that?
0:30:45 > 0:30:49Yes. His very first chirp. How about that?
0:30:49 > 0:30:55- It must have been one of them words. - What words?- Them horses' names. - Cleopatra?
0:30:55 > 0:30:58- CHIRPS There!- Yes.
0:30:58 > 0:31:02Does he like that word? Cleopatra! JOEY CHIRPS
0:31:02 > 0:31:06- Cleopatra! CHIRPS Cleopatra!- All right!
0:31:06 > 0:31:10- Don't tire him out. - Isn't it exciting?- Yes.
0:31:10 > 0:31:17- Well, it's time he did something else apart from dropping good luck messages.- Awww.
0:31:17 > 0:31:21If Joey liked that one I'll pick it.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23- Cleopatra? - CHIRPS
0:31:23 > 0:31:27- It was a 10-1 shot. No chance. - Well, what won?
0:31:27 > 0:31:32- By three lengths... Cleopatra.- JOEY CHIRPS There you are!
0:31:32 > 0:31:37- You didn't pick it, the bird did! - Well, it won, didn't it?
0:31:38 > 0:31:42Are you potty? What does he know about horses?
0:31:42 > 0:31:49- I don't know, but he's done better in one race than you have the whole season.- That's NOT the point, is it?
0:31:49 > 0:31:56YOU said you could pick them better than me. Right, here's the 3.30 runners.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59"Diddy Ching. Fast Dayboy.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01"Golden Gay.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03- "Tiny Tim"- JOEY CHIRPS
0:32:03 > 0:32:08- Keep out of this.- That'll do me. Tiny Tim. CHIRPS
0:32:08 > 0:32:11- Just 'cos he chirped again?- Yes.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14- Well, who won? - This is ridiculous.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18We can't all pick scientifically. Who won?
0:32:18 > 0:32:21- Tiny Tim.- CHIRPS
0:32:21 > 0:32:26- Four-to-one.- There you are, you see. Now are you satisfied?
0:32:26 > 0:32:28There's a clever boy, then.
0:32:28 > 0:32:36- Did he pick two winners for Mummy? - Shut up a minute. I want to try another one.- I don't want to do it.
0:32:36 > 0:32:43NOT you, HIM! Listen, Mush, here are the runners of the 4 o'clock. Concentrate.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45"The Woozer.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48"X-Ray. Double Dwelling."
0:32:48 > 0:32:51I'll see you. Two pairs.
0:32:51 > 0:32:55Oh dear, you've beaten me again!
0:32:55 > 0:32:59I knew this would be my lucky day! No looking.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13Hello, Mrs Spragg. It's got very cold.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Not surprising.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25DOOR CLOSES
0:33:25 > 0:33:28I thought I heard the front door. Yes.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38Victor!
0:33:38 > 0:33:43- What are you doing without any trousers?- You can talk!
0:33:43 > 0:33:45Eh? ..Oooh! Aaah!
0:33:47 > 0:33:49"Polar Prince.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51"Silver Plate.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53- "Pollyanna."- CHIRPS
0:33:53 > 0:33:58- Well, did it?- Yes. He's picked the winner of every race yesterday.
0:33:58 > 0:34:05- He must have seen the results in the paper.- What are you TALKING about? He can't read!
0:34:05 > 0:34:13- How do you know? You didn't know how they made love.- He's getting information from somewhere. Where?
0:34:13 > 0:34:18- TALK.- You know he can't talk. - Big, fat, beady-eyed useless lump.
0:34:18 > 0:34:24Don't talk to him like that. Anyway, he's picked all the winners.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28AFTER they'd run. If he could pick 'em before they...
0:34:29 > 0:34:32I wonder. What's the time?
0:34:32 > 0:34:37- Half-past three.- I can be at the betting shop by 4.30.
0:34:37 > 0:34:41Now, listen, genius, big, handsome lad.
0:34:41 > 0:34:49- What you going to do to him? - I'm going to read you the runners of the 4.30 at Kempton today.
0:34:49 > 0:34:53Relax, think carefully. Winners only.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55"Family Steps.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57"Petticoat.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00- "Peewit The Third"- CHIRPS
0:35:00 > 0:35:03- Peewit The Third?- CHIRPS
0:35:03 > 0:35:06You must be out of your tiny mind!
0:35:07 > 0:35:15- You've made him dirty his cage again.- I'm not surprised! Peewit The Third.- CHIRPS- All right.
0:35:15 > 0:35:20But, if you're wrong, I'll wring your bloody neck.
0:35:20 > 0:35:24No, Mummy will wring Daddy's bloody neck!
0:35:26 > 0:35:29It's all right. I'll go.
0:35:31 > 0:35:36Oh, hello. Sorry to interrupt your dressing.
0:35:36 > 0:35:42I was just having a game... of cards. Oh, I see(!)
0:35:42 > 0:35:47Would you care to have a game? I'm hardly dressed for it.
0:35:47 > 0:35:52We'll soon get those off! No, thanks. I've come to see Vic.
0:35:52 > 0:35:57If you'll excuse me, I must get back to it.
0:35:57 > 0:36:04- I thought I might find you back here. ..Here's your trousers. - Oh, thanks a lot.
0:36:05 > 0:36:13- They'll be very useful, they will, in case my legs row and split up(!) - YOU told me to follow that car!
0:36:13 > 0:36:15- Did you?- What?- Follow the car!
0:36:15 > 0:36:21- Yeah! I stuck to them like a limpet. - Where did they go?- Into a cinema.
0:36:21 > 0:36:26- Right, come on!- If we hurry, we can make the 2nd half of the game.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28We're NOT going to the football!
0:36:30 > 0:36:33CLANG!
0:36:34 > 0:36:40- Is this the wonderfully interesting film?- No, it's the one after this.
0:36:40 > 0:36:48'Women are busily engaged in peeling vegetables and cutting up the meat.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51'To do this they use knives
0:36:51 > 0:36:53'and other kitchen implements.
0:36:54 > 0:36:59'Let us watch their nimble fingers at work.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01'Few white people have seen this.'
0:37:01 > 0:37:04Blimey, how much more of this?
0:37:04 > 0:37:07Why don't you stop moaning?
0:37:07 > 0:37:14That's choice! We miss the football and pay 6 bob to watch idiots make Irish stew.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17'We bid farewell to Kuku Island.'
0:37:17 > 0:37:21- He's got his arm round her now. - Who?- Lewis!
0:37:21 > 0:37:28MANAGER: The next film was refused a certificate by the Film Censors.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32< The Council agreed to a showing. That sounds better!
0:37:32 > 0:37:35Ssssh!
0:37:35 > 0:37:38I am a well-known and practising doctor.
0:37:38 > 0:37:42In the artistic picture which follows
0:37:42 > 0:37:47you will see naked men and women engaged in the arts of sexual love.
0:37:47 > 0:37:54This is not intended to shock, but to demonstrate that the sexual act
0:37:54 > 0:37:56far from being something to fear...
0:37:56 > 0:38:03is a great joy and pleasure which can, and indeed should, be enjoyed by everyone.
0:38:03 > 0:38:09Let us familiarise ourselves with the component parts of the male body.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13And this...the female body.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17God, you don't miss a trick, do you?
0:38:18 > 0:38:19Cor!
0:38:21 > 0:38:25- No, wait, Myrtle, please! - CRASH
0:38:25 > 0:38:30- Come on, they're leaving.- Eh? - Come on!- Oh no, not NOW.
0:38:31 > 0:38:36Let us look at the different ways the two can be brought together.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38Move! Come on.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41Oh, NO.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47CLANG!
0:38:48 > 0:38:55COMMENTATOR: 'That's the line-up for the last race at Doncaster.
0:38:55 > 0:39:03- 'Result of the 4.30 at Kempton - First, Peewit The Third...' - He did it! Benny, £1 each way 10-1.
0:39:03 > 0:39:07Got yourself a good win, eh, Sidney? Congratulations.
0:39:34 > 0:39:40- (They've finished eating.) - That makes me feel a lot better(!) - What's wrong?
0:39:40 > 0:39:45Stone me! You drag me away from the match, out of the cinema,
0:39:45 > 0:39:50you drag me to watch them stuffing themselves, then ask what's wrong?
0:39:50 > 0:39:57- You didn't have to come out with me. - And I can't wait not to come out with you tomorrow either.
0:39:57 > 0:40:02- I'm not watching him having it away with Myrtle.- Why not?
0:40:02 > 0:40:07- I didn't know it was going to be THAT sort of a film.- What a day!
0:40:07 > 0:40:11It just needs Dad to walk in now!
0:40:11 > 0:40:16- What's he got against me?- Plenty, apart from you being the boss's son.
0:40:16 > 0:40:23- Is that so bad? - You should hear him!- What makes him think I want to marry you?
0:40:23 > 0:40:27He doesn't. He had you weighed up right away.
0:40:27 > 0:40:31- "I know all about blokes like Mr Lewis."- Oh...
0:40:31 > 0:40:34- Yes?- Oh...a couple of those, please.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Em...I mean, THESE, please.
0:40:37 > 0:40:41If I were you I'd have stuck to your first request.
0:40:41 > 0:40:45I fancy the fellah with the ears!
0:40:45 > 0:40:53- Did you see that waitress? Was that real?- Yeah. The only qualifications needed for the job - big prospects.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56In some places they're totally topless.
0:40:56 > 0:41:03- Nothing?- Not a stitch.- That's tricky when they're serving soup! - And frying chips!
0:41:05 > 0:41:12If I say I'm sorry about the film, and about being the boss's son, could we start again?
0:41:12 > 0:41:19- And about being on the make with me? - From now on, just good friends? - I'll drink to that!
0:41:21 > 0:41:23Is a dance within the rules?
0:41:23 > 0:41:28Yeah. Provided there's no dirty work in the clinches!
0:41:30 > 0:41:34- He's got her on the floor. - In front of everybody?
0:41:41 > 0:41:43- Sorry. Lewis!- Hello, Roger.
0:41:43 > 0:41:49- Sorry I was put out when you called. - It's OK.- But you can use the flat tonight.
0:41:49 > 0:41:53ROGER LAUGHS You bastard!
0:41:53 > 0:41:55Wait, Myrtle, please.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57Aaah!
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Thank you, Joey.
0:42:27 > 0:42:33I don't seem to have seen anything of young Mr Lewis, have you, Bern?
0:42:33 > 0:42:37No, he's away. That's what you...
0:42:37 > 0:42:43That was two weeks ago. I wondered if he'd left us. Have you heard anything?
0:42:43 > 0:42:47I couldn't care less what's happened to him.
0:42:47 > 0:42:51- Nearly dropped me in it. - Is it a secret?
0:42:51 > 0:42:58- Sitting down on the job again? - Nothing in the rule book states I cannot do my job sitting down.
0:42:58 > 0:43:06- Bet you say that to all the girls. - If you want to bring a charge... - No, relax. Go slow. Work to rule.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09There you are. Have a smoke as well.
0:43:09 > 0:43:15- I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, Fred. Come on. - < Come in.
0:43:16 > 0:43:21- Hello, Dad. - Lewis, I didn't know you were back!
0:43:21 > 0:43:24We've got the Middle East contract.
0:43:24 > 0:43:29If I say so, it was done in the face of stiff competition. Very stiff!
0:43:29 > 0:43:37- Signed by His Highness King Frowsi of Aslam himself.- Another crowned head to add to our clientele.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40- What's it for?- Bidets.
0:43:40 > 0:43:42- Bidets!- 1,000 of them.
0:43:42 > 0:43:45One...thousand...bidets!!
0:43:46 > 0:43:49One for each of his wives. No favouritism.
0:43:49 > 0:43:55- Are you mad? We do not make bidets. - High time we started. You sign it.
0:43:55 > 0:44:00My firm will not be associated with manufacturing such a dubious article.
0:44:00 > 0:44:03It's worth nineteen thousand pounds.
0:44:04 > 0:44:06I don't c...
0:44:07 > 0:44:11£19,000! That's an awful lot of money.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14- Payment?- Once the order is ready in two months.
0:44:14 > 0:44:17..Two months?!
0:44:17 > 0:44:22- That was the only snag.- They need them for the Feast of Abanibel.
0:44:22 > 0:44:24Abanibel?
0:44:24 > 0:44:29It's His Highness's custom to visit each of his wives in turn.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33- It only happens once a year. - I'm not surprised.
0:44:33 > 0:44:40We couldn't possibly complete such an order in two months. We haven't even got a design!
0:44:40 > 0:44:49- Mr Coote did one months ago. Now, sign.- I feel I'm going into something...I shall regret.
0:44:50 > 0:44:58- You're looking well this morning. - Thanks, Doctor. Can I get dressed? - Yes, while I put my eyes back in.
0:44:58 > 0:45:03- Another new suit?- I was lucky on the gee-gees.- You must give me a tip.
0:45:03 > 0:45:06Don't bend over in a tight skirt.
0:45:06 > 0:45:08Saucy!
0:45:09 > 0:45:14Refused you a bridging loan for a measly 1,500?
0:45:14 > 0:45:21- It's true. The bank has been carrying us for some years. - And now they're dropping us.
0:45:21 > 0:45:28- It seems so. We'll have to get out of that contract.- How much do you need?- A thousand would do.
0:45:28 > 0:45:36- Is that all? Don't bother with banks. I'll let you have that. - YOU can?- Yeah, I can get it.
0:45:36 > 0:45:43- We've got an hour till the last race at Cheltenham.- Last race?! - Yeah. I have to see a bird first.
0:45:43 > 0:45:45A bird! At Cheltenham?
0:45:45 > 0:45:53- You promised me you'd limit it to two bets a week so he didn't overstrain himself.- Don't argue.
0:45:53 > 0:45:59- Read out the runners. - All right. But don't blame me if nothing happens.
0:45:59 > 0:46:03It's nothing to do with me, Joey.
0:46:03 > 0:46:06I'm not the greedy one.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09All right? Here we go, then.
0:46:09 > 0:46:12Four-thirty at Cheltenham.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14"Bog. Girlie.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17"Hard To Get.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20"Order Form.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22"Proper Charlie.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24"Sweet Sue." JOEY CHIRPS
0:46:24 > 0:46:27That's the one.
0:46:29 > 0:46:33- What's the betting?- 18-1. - That'll do.
0:46:34 > 0:46:3918-1 Sweet Sue. Fifty six pounds win bet.
0:46:39 > 0:46:44That's exactly one thousand and twenty-six pounds!
0:46:44 > 0:46:49- That's what I make it.- Pints of blood I'm giving.- You'll get it back.
0:46:49 > 0:46:55- I've had a heart attack from paying it out.- I don't like doing this.
0:46:55 > 0:47:00- I- don't like doing this either. Why do we go on suffering?
0:47:00 > 0:47:06- Just 'cos I've had a bit of luck for a change.- For a change, he says!
0:47:06 > 0:47:11Look at this. In the last 3 weeks eleven winning bets you've had!
0:47:11 > 0:47:15Two thousand four hundred and thirty three pounds.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17YOU have taken from ME.
0:47:18 > 0:47:23- Tomorrow, I'll bet the lot on a long...- No, Sid, it's finished.
0:47:24 > 0:47:27- Finished?- There's a limit on you. £5.
0:47:27 > 0:47:29What kind of sportsman ARE you?
0:47:29 > 0:47:34If I was a sportsman I'd be riding the horses.
0:47:37 > 0:47:41Mr Coote, please show my father your bidet design.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44By all means. I have it right here.
0:47:44 > 0:47:49Yes, if anyone has any use for this sort of thing. What's the cost?
0:47:49 > 0:47:54After basic outlay on a new mould and so on...about £7 each.
0:47:54 > 0:47:57On this contract it could be worth over 100% profit.
0:47:57 > 0:48:01He's hit on a labour-saving idea.
0:48:01 > 0:48:08It's quite simple. Instead of the conventional hot and cold taps and waste control tap,
0:48:08 > 0:48:12the whole thing can be done by one simple control.
0:48:12 > 0:48:16Hot...Cold...Down the hole.
0:48:44 > 0:48:46Drop everything!
0:48:50 > 0:48:53Cut the switches.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56SILENCE
0:49:03 > 0:49:05Blimey, now what's happened?
0:49:05 > 0:49:07Excuse me.
0:49:07 > 0:49:10LOUD ARGUING
0:49:13 > 0:49:17All right! All right! What's the hold up?
0:49:17 > 0:49:21- ALL TALK TOGETHER - One at a time.
0:49:21 > 0:49:25These men cannot put this fitting onto those things.
0:49:25 > 0:49:30Am I right that this is a combined tap and waste-pipe control?
0:49:30 > 0:49:32- Yes.- Whose job is it to fit it?
0:49:33 > 0:49:36- Ernie can do it, can't you? - Of course.
0:49:36 > 0:49:39No, because Ernie is a tap fitter.
0:49:39 > 0:49:43- Willie can do it. - No. Willie is a waste-pipe fitter.
0:49:43 > 0:49:50- They can both do it.- No. Because if one does it, he's doing the other's job.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54- What of it if they're both working? - That's what I said.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58You don't have a say. This is union business.
0:49:58 > 0:50:02- It's our union. - And you'll do as it tells you.
0:50:02 > 0:50:08- Under a redundancy agreement... - But we're not making anybody redundant.
0:50:08 > 0:50:14- These men are doing two jobs in the same time. - What's your solution?
0:50:14 > 0:50:19- It's not the Union's job to give solutions.- Exactly.
0:50:19 > 0:50:23If you was to make two separate fittings...
0:50:23 > 0:50:30- That basin was made for that one fitting.- Typical! Immediately they make difficulties.
0:50:30 > 0:50:38Suppose they work together? Ernie connects it to the inlet pipe, Willie connects it to the outlet.
0:50:38 > 0:50:42You've still got two jobs being done in the same time.
0:50:42 > 0:50:47- It's like a man working in half the time.- Well?
0:50:47 > 0:50:54- Every worker doing his job in half the time would soon mess up the country.- You can't bring 'em out!
0:50:54 > 0:51:02- Until I acquaint the Union General Secretary with the facts, you leave me no alternative.- Everybody out!
0:51:14 > 0:51:16Keep your line moving.
0:51:26 > 0:51:33Messrs Wade Ceramics, Ltd. Dear Sirs, With reference to our meeting last January,
0:51:33 > 0:51:40when you expressed an interest in taking over this business, I must now advise you
0:51:40 > 0:51:45that I am in a position to consider a favourable offer.
0:51:45 > 0:51:48No! I beg your pardon, Miss Withering?
0:51:48 > 0:51:52I can't let you give up. This strike has finished us.
0:51:52 > 0:51:56What about me? I've given my life to Boggs.
0:51:56 > 0:52:00You shall be taken over with the firm.
0:52:00 > 0:52:04I don't want that. I want to carry on with you.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07I do appreciate your loyalty...
0:52:07 > 0:52:11No, you don't! You've NEVER appreciated me.
0:52:11 > 0:52:13WHAT? I've worked for you 30 years.
0:52:13 > 0:52:19Have you ever sat me on your knee, or asked me to go away a weekend?
0:52:19 > 0:52:21Miss Withering!
0:52:21 > 0:52:24You've never EVEN pinched my bottom.
0:52:24 > 0:52:31I am NOT the habit of interfering with other people's seating arrangements. Now, the dictation.
0:52:31 > 0:52:34Oh, DAMN the dictation!
0:52:34 > 0:52:41I'm not going to watch you throw everything away. You're pressing on my keys.
0:52:41 > 0:52:47William, fight back. I'll be at your side. I'll work for nothing. We can do it together.
0:52:47 > 0:52:53I don't want us to do it together. You've lost confidence.
0:52:53 > 0:52:56All you need is a good prod!
0:52:56 > 0:53:02I assure you, that is the last thing I need. Lean on me. We'll see it through.
0:53:05 > 0:53:09- Talk about the "Power Game"! - Ohhh!
0:53:11 > 0:53:18- I'm sorry we barged in on you. I had no idea you and she were... - We weren't! And we NEVER have.
0:53:18 > 0:53:23She was upset. After all, she's not getting any younger.
0:53:23 > 0:53:27- She's not getting ANY.- Yes, well. What about the Union?
0:53:27 > 0:53:35- No luck. The Action Committee's gone off to Russia!- Oh well, I suppose that's that.
0:53:35 > 0:53:39- Why aren't there pickets on the gate?- Probably on strike.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42Dad, look!
0:53:45 > 0:53:48I can't believe it! >
0:53:50 > 0:53:57- They're coming back.- I thought they would today.- Why today? - The annual works' outing.
0:54:01 > 0:54:04- We'd better get ready. - Ready? For what?
0:54:04 > 0:54:11- You're not going with them? - I am, my boy.- But, why?- Because I've decided, after all these years,
0:54:11 > 0:54:15what I've been missing is a good booze-up.
0:54:23 > 0:54:28- No Fred, then?- No, he's off on another sales trip.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31Tsk! What a pity. Today of ALL days.
0:54:31 > 0:54:39- I spent half the night trying to talk him into having it off. - I wouldn't have needed persuading.
0:54:39 > 0:54:44- I shall be very happy to look after you today.- Oh, ta.
0:54:44 > 0:54:48Mr Plummer's offered to look after us.
0:54:48 > 0:54:52- Oooh, that'll be lovely, - Pleasure(!)
0:54:52 > 0:54:55It's not much fun without a man.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58- You should know.- Ooh!
0:55:01 > 0:55:03You've never done it before?
0:55:03 > 0:55:07No. Have you? Oh, loads of times.
0:55:07 > 0:55:10What's it like? Vic arranges it all.
0:55:10 > 0:55:15We get to Brighton about 12 o'clock, then we have a slap-up meal.
0:55:15 > 0:55:18What do we do after?
0:55:18 > 0:55:21We can do anything once we're there.
0:55:21 > 0:55:24Go on the pier, eat winkles, throw stones.
0:55:24 > 0:55:29To be frank, Mr Coote, I've never tried it. Really?
0:55:29 > 0:55:32You've certainly missed something.
0:55:32 > 0:55:35I'm always ready to learn. Oh, well...
0:55:35 > 0:55:40It's difficult to show you here, but I can tell you how it's played.
0:55:40 > 0:55:44You deal out five cards to each person.
0:55:45 > 0:55:50I can't think why I didn't notice you at the factory before.
0:55:50 > 0:55:55It was a strike my first day. I had to work 3 weeks!
0:55:58 > 0:56:02- I'm on my own today, you know. - So I gathered, yes.
0:56:02 > 0:56:09- Why lumber yourself with a bird, going to Brighton? It's like taking coals to Newcastle.- If you say so.
0:56:09 > 0:56:16The place is full of spare. Last time we had to fight them off. Like flies they were.
0:56:16 > 0:56:21Some people attract them. Just like dustbins.
0:56:21 > 0:56:23Yeah. Yeah, I suppose so.
0:56:23 > 0:56:28If you're going to be on your own I wouldn't mind showing you around.
0:56:28 > 0:56:33Thanks, but I don't think you should disappoint those flies!
0:56:44 > 0:56:47CAR HORN BLOWS
0:57:02 > 0:57:06'Course I'd love to spend the day with YOU, Vic.
0:57:06 > 0:57:10- Would you?- Yeah. - Oh well, that's all right, then.
0:57:33 > 0:57:40- Come on, boys and girls, this is where we're supposed to have lunch.- Lunchtime!
0:57:53 > 0:57:55Morning.
0:57:55 > 0:57:59Morning, we are the Boggs and Sons outing.
0:57:59 > 0:58:03I'm sorry, but we can't do you lunch.
0:58:03 > 0:58:08- I'm starving!- What? But I booked it six weeks ago.
0:58:08 > 0:58:12I'm sorry, but our entire restaurant staff has gone on strike.
0:58:12 > 0:58:16- They can't be! - Listen to who's talking.
0:58:16 > 0:58:19The bar's open and there are cold snacks.
0:58:19 > 0:58:24- Who do they think they are? - A bunch of down-trodden workers
0:58:24 > 0:58:29being exploited by management.
0:58:29 > 0:58:31What's it matter? A drink will do me.
0:58:31 > 0:58:34Hear! Hear! The drinks are on me.
0:58:34 > 0:58:42- This way, sir, please.- I won't let them get away with it! Taking bread out of the poor workers' mouths.
0:58:42 > 0:58:49- But there's nothing we can do.- No. Yes, there is! I'm not being pushed round by anarchists!
0:58:49 > 0:58:51Come on!
0:58:51 > 0:58:54Ah. Hey, you!
0:58:54 > 0:58:59- What's all this about you lot being on strike?- Yes, we are.
0:58:59 > 0:59:01What about it, then?
0:59:01 > 0:59:04Tell him, Bernie.
0:59:04 > 0:59:09- You're taking the bread out of workers' mouths. - Oh?
0:59:09 > 0:59:14- You're a bunch of anarchists. - Really? Who says so?
0:59:14 > 0:59:16He does.
0:59:19 > 0:59:24There you are, Mr Spanner. In time for your drink.
0:59:24 > 0:59:26Ah, there you are, Vic.
0:59:26 > 0:59:30Well, we certainly told him, didn't we?
0:59:31 > 0:59:36# She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes.
0:59:36 > 0:59:40# She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes... #
0:59:40 > 0:59:43Myrtle, listen to me.
0:59:43 > 0:59:47- Please stop bothering me. - No, I won't!
0:59:47 > 0:59:52- You heard Myrt, so buzz off!- Move or I'll knock your head off.- Yes?
0:59:52 > 0:59:55- Yes!- Bernie!
0:59:55 > 0:59:58- Mr Lewis, we don't want no trouble.- No?
0:59:58 > 1:00:03- Who's going to stop it then?- Me. - All right, go on, try it.
1:00:03 > 1:00:05Don't say I didn't warn you.
1:00:10 > 1:00:14- Now you've REALLY done it! - For God's sake.
1:00:15 > 1:00:19Gosh, I AM sorry, Vic. Are you all right?
1:00:19 > 1:00:23# Yippie, aye, aye, yippie Aye, aye, yippie
1:00:23 > 1:00:27# Aye, aye, yippie, yippie, aye! #
1:00:28 > 1:00:32Oh, splendid! Splendid! Let's have more drinks.
1:00:32 > 1:00:40- Let's go for a walk. There's a smashing front here. - There's a smashing one there too!
1:00:40 > 1:00:46- Let's go on the pier and have a winkle. - You can have one through that door.
1:00:46 > 1:00:48No, let's go on the pier!
1:01:01 > 1:01:04Come on, Myrt, come on!
1:01:05 > 1:01:09We have a lot of conferences down here.
1:01:20 > 1:01:24There's nothing to it. I'll show you.
1:01:34 > 1:01:38It looks quite easy. Let's all have a go.
1:01:42 > 1:01:44Oy! Watch it!
1:02:00 > 1:02:03Come on then.
1:02:05 > 1:02:07Skinheads!
1:02:07 > 1:02:10That showed him.
1:02:10 > 1:02:12Ah!
1:02:12 > 1:02:16There's something I want to have a go at.
1:02:22 > 1:02:26Hold it perfectly still. I'll take it...
1:02:26 > 1:02:28NOW.
1:02:28 > 1:02:31How was that?
1:02:31 > 1:02:34Beautiful, Bern, beautiful.
1:02:34 > 1:02:39- Come on, Vic, let's have a go on the mat.- In front of everybody?
1:02:39 > 1:02:42Oh, the helter-skelter?
1:02:42 > 1:02:44Come on!
1:02:44 > 1:02:50- You've had enough. You've got to have something to eat.- One moment.
1:02:50 > 1:02:55There was a young fellow called Reg Who went with a girl in a hedge.
1:02:55 > 1:03:02When along came his wife With a big carving knife And cut off his meat and two veg.
1:03:06 > 1:03:08Yeee-hoo!
1:03:11 > 1:03:13Ooooh!
1:03:16 > 1:03:21Vic darling, I haven't had so much fun in all my life! Thanks.
1:03:24 > 1:03:26< Ahhh!
1:03:26 > 1:03:29# We are the champions. #
1:03:29 > 1:03:34Oooh, what was that digging in me? Only my camera.
1:03:36 > 1:03:40I've found a fortune-teller. Shall we try it?
1:03:40 > 1:03:47Fortune teller! No! Waste of money. Fakes, that's all they are. Looking in their crystal what's-it.
1:03:47 > 1:03:51- Balls.- I QUITE agree! Absolutely ridiculous.
1:03:51 > 1:03:55- I don't mind having a go. I love them.- Let's have a bash.
1:03:56 > 1:04:01Never mind, Miss Withering. Have a cockle. Much better for you.
1:04:01 > 1:04:09Do you think I ought to? I've heard that shellfish do strange things - in a sex way, I mean.
1:04:09 > 1:04:12Really? Oooh, let's watch 'em then!
1:04:16 > 1:04:24- Anybody home?- Look. "Gone to lunch. Back in the near future." - The foreseeable future, I hope.
1:04:24 > 1:04:27- We'll come back later. - Wait a minute.
1:04:28 > 1:04:31I've got an idea. Hang on.
1:04:40 > 1:04:45But I DON'T want my fortune told. I told you, I don't believe in it.
1:04:45 > 1:04:50You will in this one. Go on, be a sport! All right, then.
1:04:51 > 1:04:54Excuse me, dear. Customers.
1:04:54 > 1:04:57I know, I saw you coming.
1:04:57 > 1:05:03- I beg your pardon?- In the ball. You are indeed in need of help. Please be seated.
1:05:03 > 1:05:10- Now then, do you wish me to prognosticate?- Please do. We'll wait.
1:05:10 > 1:05:16- LAUGHS > - Please, I must have silence to establish contact.
1:05:18 > 1:05:19Sssh.
1:05:20 > 1:05:23Ah! The mists are clearing.
1:05:23 > 1:05:26I see a picture forming.
1:05:26 > 1:05:32All around you are strange looking objects. White and shining.
1:05:32 > 1:05:39- Do lavatories play a big part in your life?- WHAT? Why, yes, they DO.
1:05:39 > 1:05:42Yes. You are a cloakroom attendant.
1:05:42 > 1:05:45Certainly not! I manufacture them!
1:05:45 > 1:05:47I have a factory.
1:05:47 > 1:05:52I see a picture of it. The factory is about to fall into ruins.
1:05:52 > 1:05:55- No!- Unless...- What?
1:05:55 > 1:05:57There is a woman who loves you.
1:05:57 > 1:06:01Her name begins with...W.
1:06:01 > 1:06:06- Is it Widdling?- Withering. Miss Withering.
1:06:06 > 1:06:11That's it. Your affinities will be closely entwined.
1:06:11 > 1:06:14Don't be disgusting!
1:06:14 > 1:06:17I see...a marriage!
1:06:17 > 1:06:21And one, two, three, fourteen children!
1:06:21 > 1:06:23Oh no! No!
1:06:24 > 1:06:28William, don't go. William, come back!
1:06:30 > 1:06:32Not bad!
1:06:32 > 1:06:38- Do you want to do me now?- Not 'alf. Let me get these things off first.
1:06:45 > 1:06:48William! William, come back!
1:06:48 > 1:06:51WILLIAM.
1:07:16 > 1:07:19Excuse me.
1:07:19 > 1:07:21WHISPERS
1:07:27 > 1:07:29Aaaah!
1:07:34 > 1:07:37Switch it off. My girl's in there.
1:07:38 > 1:07:42Let me go! Let me GO!
1:07:42 > 1:07:46- Not until you listen to what I've got to say.- Oh.
1:07:46 > 1:07:49- Now, d'you see this?- NO, I don't!
1:07:49 > 1:07:54- What is it anyway?- It's a Special Marriage Licence.- What?
1:07:54 > 1:08:01- A Special Marriage Licence, my darling. Do we use it or tear it up?- Oh...
1:08:01 > 1:08:05- Lewis.- ..Darling.
1:08:12 > 1:08:15Leave her alone! Put her down!
1:08:15 > 1:08:18Excuse me a minute, darling.
1:08:18 > 1:08:24THUMPS AND CRIES
1:08:54 > 1:09:00- Blimey?! Where d'you think they've got to?- Search me. What happened to Myrtle?
1:09:01 > 1:09:04- I don't know or care! - What's this?
1:09:09 > 1:09:12BOGGS LAUGHS
1:09:15 > 1:09:19- Oh, naughty!- Come on, ladies. Off you come.
1:11:53 > 1:12:02- Looks like Fred's not home yet. No car.- He said he wouldn't be home till tomorrow night.- Shame, innit?
1:12:02 > 1:12:07- Looks like Beattie's asleep.- Good. - Eh?- I mean, em...good for her.
1:12:08 > 1:12:11Chlo! Oh, blimey, Chlo!
1:12:11 > 1:12:14- Yes, Sid?- Nothing.
1:12:14 > 1:12:20- I think we ought to go to bed, OUR beds, I mean.- Yeah, I suppose so.
1:12:20 > 1:12:28- I would have liked to ask you in for a cup of tea.- Oh?- But you know how the neighbours talk.- Yeah.
1:12:28 > 1:12:35- I suppose you couldn't come in with me at this time of night without someone seeing us.- No.
1:12:35 > 1:12:41- Not that we'd be doing what they think.- Oh no! - If Fred did get to hear about it...
1:12:41 > 1:12:48Yeah, quite right. Not worth it really. Not just for a cup of tea. Oh, well!
1:12:58 > 1:13:01- Good night, Sid. - 'Night. Sleep tight.
1:13:01 > 1:13:04Tight's the word!
1:13:04 > 1:13:06Bloody neighbours.
1:13:36 > 1:13:38Mr Boggs! Tea.
1:13:41 > 1:13:43W.C! Tea!
1:13:43 > 1:13:46Thank you.
1:13:46 > 1:13:51Very nice... Miss Withering, what are YOU doing here?
1:13:51 > 1:13:56- This is my room, Mr Boggs. - Oh, I see.
1:13:56 > 1:13:58- What?! Then what am- I- doing here?
1:13:58 > 1:14:06You were in no fit state to look after yourself, so I had two of the men bring you up here.
1:14:06 > 1:14:13Well, that was very thoughtful... I beg your pardon! I didn't realise they'd undressed me!
1:14:13 > 1:14:18- They didn't. - ..You mean YOU...!
1:14:18 > 1:14:22Don't worry. I know what a man looks like.
1:14:22 > 1:14:28- You're not all THAT much different. - Miss Withering...
1:14:28 > 1:14:33- Yes? - Did we get off... Did I get off to sleep?
1:14:33 > 1:14:37- Don't you remember, William? - No, I don't.
1:14:37 > 1:14:42That is something we shall always be wondering about...isn't it?
1:14:57 > 1:14:59Charles!
1:14:59 > 1:15:04CHARLES. Get up and come inside!
1:15:12 > 1:15:13SNIFFS
1:15:13 > 1:15:18You've been drinking! I had some bad news.
1:15:18 > 1:15:24I don't give a damn! I married one drunk and I'm NOT marrying another!
1:15:24 > 1:15:26That was the bad news.
1:15:26 > 1:15:29We won't be able to get married.
1:15:29 > 1:15:31What d'you mean?
1:15:31 > 1:15:35Mr Boggs is going to close down the works.
1:15:35 > 1:15:37Close them? Why?
1:15:37 > 1:15:43Because of the strike. I knew it. It's that little sod Victor's fault.
1:15:43 > 1:15:48I'm not going to let that little swine mess up my bloody life.
1:15:48 > 1:15:52We have got to keep a full picket-line today,
1:15:52 > 1:15:57- because I hear some of the men want to come back!- Oh, do they?
1:15:58 > 1:16:05- If they want to, how are we going to stop 'em?- Force. Whatever happens we have got to stand firm.
1:16:13 > 1:16:18Can I have the cricket bat? I can't play tennis.
1:16:22 > 1:16:24PHONE RINGS
1:16:26 > 1:16:30It's all right, William. Thank you, Miss Withering.
1:16:30 > 1:16:36Now, William! I beg your pardon. Hortense. That's better.
1:16:36 > 1:16:41Boggs and Son. Mr Boggs' personal secretary speaking.
1:16:41 > 1:16:43Oh, Mr Lewis. Yes, he's here.
1:16:43 > 1:16:51Hello, Lewis, my boy. I apologise for not getting home last night. I got laid up...I mean, held up.
1:16:51 > 1:16:53I was going to say the same to you.
1:16:53 > 1:16:58No, no, there's nothing wrong. Far from it.
1:16:58 > 1:17:00The fact is, I got married.
1:17:00 > 1:17:02..Married!
1:17:02 > 1:17:05That's right. To Myrtle Plummer.
1:17:05 > 1:17:08That'll surprise her father!
1:17:08 > 1:17:10I HAD to marry her.
1:17:11 > 1:17:15No, no, no, I mean it was the only way.
1:17:15 > 1:17:24- We booked into a hotel. We've been driving all night and want to get to bed.- "At long last" he says.
1:17:24 > 1:17:28You can say that again. Not you, Dad!
1:17:28 > 1:17:33- You won't mind if I don't come back to work for a few days?- Not at all!
1:17:33 > 1:17:37I'm taking up Moore's offer for the firm.
1:17:37 > 1:17:43Thanks. I knew you... You've WHAT? Dad, you can't do THAT, Dad!
1:17:43 > 1:17:45RECEIVER REPLACED
1:17:45 > 1:17:47Oh no, no.
1:17:47 > 1:17:50I've got to stop him.
1:17:53 > 1:17:57Well, here I am at long last, darling.
1:18:00 > 1:18:02Get dressed as quickly as you can.
1:18:03 > 1:18:05- What?- We've got to get back!
1:18:05 > 1:18:09- Something important's come up. - Won't it keep?
1:18:09 > 1:18:12Oh, I DO hope it will!
1:18:15 > 1:18:20- Excuse me, W.C., have you seen my daughter this morning?- Em...no.
1:18:20 > 1:18:28- She left Brighton with your son and hasn't been home all night. - Myrtle has always commanded respect.
1:18:28 > 1:18:33- I'm sure Lewis will see she gets it. - That's what I'm afraid of!
1:18:33 > 1:18:37- Now, listen... - < RAISED VOICES- What's that?
1:18:37 > 1:18:39Let's see.
1:18:41 > 1:18:43Looks like a show-down.
1:18:43 > 1:18:48Listen! We are on official strike pending confirmation.
1:18:48 > 1:18:52Until then there will be NO return to work.
1:18:52 > 1:18:56What's the point if it means Boggs will close down?
1:18:56 > 1:19:02That is not the point, Brother, so why don't you...stop making trouble?
1:19:02 > 1:19:06All WE want to do is an honest day's work!
1:19:06 > 1:19:14"All we want...!" Bolshie talk like that got this country in the mess it's in today.
1:19:14 > 1:19:19The last thing we want is violence so at the first sign of anything
1:19:19 > 1:19:23don't argue, don't get involved... bash 'em!
1:19:23 > 1:19:26Well, we might as well go home.
1:19:26 > 1:19:33- I don't reckon we'll have any more trouble.- I don't know about that. Just look at this lot!
1:19:36 > 1:19:40Blimey, my old woman's there! And mine!
1:19:46 > 1:19:52- Stop!- Mum, what are you doing here? - I've come to knock some commonsense into you!
1:19:52 > 1:19:57- Mum, not in front of everyone! - You're ashamed. As you should be!
1:19:57 > 1:20:01Shift your arse and let these people in to work!
1:20:01 > 1:20:04Ladies, this strike is quite legitimate.
1:20:04 > 1:20:08That's more than they say about you!
1:20:08 > 1:20:12I must ask you all to disperse peacefully.
1:20:12 > 1:20:16Disperse, crap! Are you going to MOVE?
1:20:16 > 1:20:23- We must stand firm on our principles.- Oh, yeah? - It is the worker's democratic right
1:20:23 > 1:20:30- to do whatever he likes.- Shut up! - It is the democratic...- Shut up and give me that, you squirt!
1:20:32 > 1:20:35I should have done this years ago.
1:20:35 > 1:20:36OW! Ow.
1:20:42 > 1:20:45Will somebody open those damn gates?
1:20:58 > 1:21:00Thank you, ladies.
1:21:00 > 1:21:06We thought you might need extra help. We want to come back to work.
1:21:06 > 1:21:12I really appreciate this moving gesture. Such a wonderful display of loyalty.
1:21:13 > 1:21:17Cut the cackle and let's get on with the work!
1:21:18 > 1:21:25- Well done, Beattie, you can go home now.- But I thought I'd stay on. Make a change for me.
1:21:25 > 1:21:29- Stay on?- Yeah. - Oh, all right then, come on.
1:21:31 > 1:21:33Come on!
1:21:33 > 1:21:40- Brothers, you're not going to let a bunch of women tell you what to do?- Don't they always?
1:21:40 > 1:21:47Don't let's give in like this. Be firm. Make a stand. Has it all been for nothing?
1:21:47 > 1:21:55- Bernie, DO something!- I don't know about YOU blokes, but I'm not going to let any woman take MY job!
1:21:55 > 1:21:58Now, then, come on, let's get back to work.
1:21:58 > 1:22:05Go back to work, but don't expect me to join you! Nothing on earth would get me back in.
1:22:05 > 1:22:08Nothing on earth, I tell you!
1:22:19 > 1:22:26Excuse me, but they sent me from the Exchange. I'm the new canteen girl.
1:22:26 > 1:22:31- Can you tell me where I go? - Yes, I'll show you where it is.
1:22:31 > 1:22:35We've got a lovely pair of canteens here.
1:22:50 > 1:22:53What's going on?
1:22:57 > 1:22:59Oooh!
1:22:59 > 1:23:06- Chlo, about last night, when you asked me in for tea? - What about it?
1:23:06 > 1:23:09I wanted it BADLY. The tea, I mean.
1:23:09 > 1:23:17- It's a bit late for that now.- No, there must be another chance. Next year? Even sooner, perhaps?
1:23:17 > 1:23:20Hello, Beattie.
1:23:21 > 1:23:26- Getting on all right, then? - YES. I think I might take a job here.
1:23:26 > 1:23:31- You'll what?- Seems more sensible than talking to a bird all day.
1:23:31 > 1:23:35There's no harm in talking to a bird.
1:23:35 > 1:23:38Well, you should know. Here you are.
1:23:38 > 1:23:42And I could come on the outings with you.
1:23:42 > 1:23:45Yes...that's right.
1:23:52 > 1:23:57- What do you want?- Eh...well, I'm still employed here, aren't I?
1:23:57 > 1:24:04- Unless YOU want to fire me. - Supposing I did?- That'd be victimisation.- ..Get working!
1:24:04 > 1:24:10- But I want it understood, I'm only doing so under protest.- Knickers!
1:24:11 > 1:24:14FLUSHING OF TOILET
1:24:14 > 1:24:18- Better now, Maudie? - Oh! Oooh, Mr Plummer!
1:24:20 > 1:24:26- Myrtle, where the hell have you been?- It's all right, we're married.
1:24:26 > 1:24:30- Married?- Yes. I hope you don't object, Dad.
1:24:30 > 1:24:38- Dad?! My daughter marries into management and you ask if I object? I DO!- But you're management too.
1:24:38 > 1:24:42How dare you insult me like that! I'M Works Foreman.
1:24:42 > 1:24:49- Didn't Dad tell you?- What? - In return for the financial help he's making you a director.
1:24:49 > 1:24:55- Director?- Yes.- Oh, NO! I'm a worker. I don't want to sit on my fat...
1:24:55 > 1:25:01- Come on, Lewis, we better go. - I'll kill that bloody budgie!
1:25:02 > 1:25:07- Here, Vic, there's no paper in that loo.- What was that, Bern?
1:25:07 > 1:25:13- I just said, there's no paper in that toilet again. - There's a situation.
1:25:14 > 1:25:17- Bernie.- Yep. - Don't just stand there.
1:25:17 > 1:25:23- I know...- Nip out and buy a couple of rolls.- Good lad!
1:25:25 > 1:25:29Come on, don't hang about. Carry on working.
1:25:34 > 1:25:38Subtitles by Hazel Nairn BBC - 1987
1:25:38 > 1:25:41E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk