0:00:03 > 0:00:10This film contains very strong language.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25MUSIC: "My Generation" by Chapeaumelon
0:00:27 > 0:00:31- # Des gens tendent de nous descendre - # Parlons de ma generation
0:00:31 > 0:00:36- # Car on veut se faire entendre - # Parlons de ma generation
0:00:36 > 0:00:41- # On nous dit indifferents - # Parlons de ma generation
0:00:41 > 0:00:45- # J'espere partir avant de pourrir - # Parlons de ma generation
0:00:45 > 0:00:50# Ma generation Ma generation, baby
0:00:50 > 0:00:54- # Veuillez tous nous foutre la paix - # Parlons de ma generation
0:00:54 > 0:00:59- # Et n'essayez pas de nous saisir - # Parlons de ma generation
0:00:59 > 0:01:02# Je ne prends pas une cause pour vous etonner
0:01:02 > 0:01:04# Parlons de ma generation
0:01:04 > 0:01:08- # Je veux parler de ma g-g-generation - # Parlons de ma generation
0:01:08 > 0:01:12# Ma generation Ma generation, baby
0:01:20 > 0:01:24- # Veuillez tous nous foutre la paix - # Parlons de ma generation
0:01:24 > 0:01:29- # Et n'essayez pas de nous saisir - # Parlons de ma generation
0:01:29 > 0:01:31# Je ne prends pas une cause pour vous etonner
0:01:31 > 0:01:34# Parlons de ma generation
0:01:34 > 0:01:38- # Je veux parler de ma generation - # Parlons de ma generation
0:01:38 > 0:01:43# Ma generation Ma generation, baby
0:01:43 > 0:01:45# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:01:45 > 0:01:47# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:01:47 > 0:01:50# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:01:50 > 0:01:52# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:01:52 > 0:01:57- # Des gens tendent de nous descendre - # Parlons de ma generation
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- # Car on veut se faire entendre - # Parlons de ma generation
0:02:01 > 0:02:06# Ma generation Ma generation, baby
0:02:06 > 0:02:08# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:02:08 > 0:02:11# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:02:13 > 0:02:18- # Ca, c'est ma generation - # Parlons de ma generation
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- # Parlons de ma generation - # Ma generation
0:02:21 > 0:02:24# Ma generation, baby
0:02:24 > 0:02:27# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:02:27 > 0:02:29# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:02:29 > 0:02:31# Ma, ma, ma generation
0:02:31 > 0:02:33# Ma, ma, ma generation. #
0:02:33 > 0:02:39- Congratulations, Hudson High class of 2004. - CHEERING
0:02:42 > 0:02:45ALL CHEER
0:02:51 > 0:02:53# I know it's been a long time
0:02:53 > 0:02:55# You've lost that look in your eye... #
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- Fiona. - # The one that told me
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- # Everything was fine... #- Bye.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- Hey.- Hey!- Agh!
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- Congratulations, graduate. - Thanks, baby.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- And congratulations to you, Cooper. - Aww, thanks, baby.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Nice try.- OK, I'll see you at Wade's party tonight?
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- See you then. - All right.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22So, just you and me for the entire summer.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Next year you graduate, join me at college. It's just like we planned.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- Scott, we need to talk. - Yeah? About what?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31About me dumping you.
0:03:31 > 0:03:37- Huh?- There he is. The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend. OK?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Smile, you two.
0:03:40 > 0:03:45- Action. - Dad, Mom, Grandma, Uncle Moke,
0:03:45 > 0:03:49er, I'm gonna need a minute here, OK? What do you mean you're dumping me?
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- I know. That's what makes this so hard.- You're looking good, you guys.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Scottie, it's not you.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05It's me.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09There I go, lying again. No, it was you.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13- You're just so...predictable. - Smile.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16CAMERA CLICKS So, that's it?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Here's your letter jacket back. Goodbye!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22This isn't mine.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Oh, my God.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Fiona!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37WEEPS
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Let's see that again.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49- 'Fiona!'- This is just so brutal
0:04:49 > 0:04:52and yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56'Fiona!' Bert, get out of here.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01- LAUGHS: OK, see ya, Coop. - All right. Stay black, Bert.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- LAUGHS:- Fiona!
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- 'Mail, Motherfucker!' - Hey, I got one from Mike.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13"Happy Herzlichen."
0:05:13 > 0:05:16You still writing him? Thought it was just for German class.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Er, yeah, it was at first but we're becoming pretty good friends.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23He's a really cool guy. Dear Mike.
0:05:23 > 0:05:28- Greeting from your American pen pal. - Scotty, girl scouts have pen pals.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Listen to yourself, all right?
0:05:31 > 0:05:35You met a cool guy on the internet.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41he'll wanna arrange a meeting where he will gas you
0:05:41 > 0:05:44and stuff you in his van and make a wind chime from your genitals.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- LAUGHS - Come on, let's go to Wade's. - All right.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Screw it. Let's go. I'm not gonna let Fiona ruin my graduation night.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Auf wiedersehen, Mike.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58SCREAMING, CHEERING
0:06:02 > 0:06:05ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:06:07 > 0:06:11- Hey. What's up, losers? - What's up, Jenny?- What's up, dude?
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore.- That's very sweet of you.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Enough Fiona talk. Look around. There's gotta be 100 drunk girls
0:06:18 > 0:06:22- and we should try to have sex with all of them.- Hello? Mixed company.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- What? - I'm a girl.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- No, you're not.- You're just a cool guy with long hair.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33- Where's your evil twin brother? - Jenny!- Oh, there he is.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Why did you get me gin and tonic? I hate gin.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- You do? - You guys are the worst twins ever.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49ALL: Go! Go! Go! ALL CHEER
0:06:51 > 0:06:56- So, when are you guys taking off? - Tomorrow morning.- Hey, Wade!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Great party, buddy. MUFFLED CRIES
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Man, I am so excited. A whole summer backpacking round Europe.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06You really should have come instead of working for Dr Dad, Scotty!
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- Oh, it's gonna be so awesome! - Yeah!
0:07:10 > 0:07:14I have planned every detail of the trip to maximise the fun.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- You brought a guidebook to a party? - Do you wanna see my itinerary?
0:07:17 > 0:07:22- Do you wanna see my balls?- Have you decided where you're gonna go first?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Paris! I can't wait. I heard two years ago
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met this wealthy French guy
0:07:28 > 0:07:30and sailed the Mediterranean on his yacht.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy?
0:07:37 > 0:07:42- That sounds a little gay. - It's not gay. I'm a girl.
0:07:42 > 0:07:48- And you're gay.- So gay. All right, I gotta piss like a pregnant woman.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55Hey, listen up. I've got a little special thing do to tonight.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I'm gonna play a little song for you
0:07:57 > 0:08:02about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Fiona.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07ALL CHEER
0:08:10 > 0:08:13This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15ALL CHEER
0:08:19 > 0:08:21# Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me
0:08:21 > 0:08:24# Do it in my van every Sunday
0:08:24 > 0:08:27# She tells him she's in church but she doesn't go
0:08:27 > 0:08:30# Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know
0:08:31 > 0:08:34# Oh, Scotty doesn't know
0:08:34 > 0:08:35# So don't tell Scotty
0:08:35 > 0:08:38#Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know... #
0:08:38 > 0:08:42And we'll be just as popular in college as in high school.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44We will be. I know.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Who needs more Chablis?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- Candy, do you wanna come with? - No, I'll stay here.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54There's your R rating right there.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Whoops!- Agh! - LAUGHS:- Holy cow!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Oh, this isn't where I parked my car.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08# I can't believe he's so trusting
0:09:10 > 0:09:14# While I'm right behind you thrusting
0:09:14 > 0:09:16# Cos Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know... #
0:09:16 > 0:09:21- Cooper Harris, you're a pig.- Wait, Candy, you should clean that off.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Clean what off?
0:09:24 > 0:09:25You've got a little something on you.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Where?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Like...there.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34It's like a smudge or something.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36Where?!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Like... It's like dirt or something. Just go like this.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Is it off?
0:09:44 > 0:09:46No. Keep rubbing it.
0:09:51 > 0:09:57# I did her on his birthday Scotty doesn't know
0:09:57 > 0:09:58# Scotty doesn't know
0:09:58 > 0:10:01BOTH: # Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know
0:10:01 > 0:10:04# So don't tell Scotty, Scotty doesn't know... #
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13- No, it's just not coming off. - What is it?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16It may be tree sap or something. Try pinching it.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21No, it's just not coming off. I'll tell you what.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Lick your fingers, get some saliva going.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25Like this?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Yeah.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Again, not enough saliva.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Is it off yet?!
0:10:44 > 0:10:46OK, I'll do it. Come here.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Oh, my God! Candy!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- GASPS:- Cooper!
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Hey. This isn't where I parked my car.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Agh!
0:10:59 > 0:11:04- # Scotty doesn't know... # - AGGHHHHHH!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09# Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know... #
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Hey.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- ALL CHANT: Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know!- This band rocks!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Yeah!
0:11:20 > 0:11:23TRICKLING
0:11:38 > 0:11:41TOILET FLUSHES
0:11:41 > 0:11:44'Mail, Motherfucker!'
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Hey, Mike. "Dear Scott,
0:11:53 > 0:11:58"I was very sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02"Since you no longer have a girlfriend maybe I could come to America
0:12:02 > 0:12:06"and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could...
0:12:06 > 0:12:08"zussamen".
0:12:08 > 0:12:11What the fuck is this "zussamen"?
0:12:17 > 0:12:22"Arrange a meeting." No, no, no, come on. Cooper was right.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25This guy wants to have sex with me. Erm...
0:12:25 > 0:12:28listen, Mike,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I don't want to arrange any meetings with you,
0:12:30 > 0:12:33you sick German freak.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36So please keep your hands off of my genitals
0:12:36 > 0:12:42and never write to me again and don't come to America. Goodbye.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45COMPUTER BEEPS
0:12:46 > 0:12:48CRASHING: Ow.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03I'm never drinking again.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06That's nice.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- Bert, what are you doing? - Reading your emails.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Don't do that.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- Why are you wearing my bathrobe? - Oh, I'm sorry,
0:13:19 > 0:13:22but somebody pissed all over mine last night.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Wow. Can't believe this German chick wants to come and hook up with you.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I don't think so, buddy. Mike's a guy.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Erm, no. It says right here, "trauriges madchen."
0:13:34 > 0:13:38I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona. Fucking A, Scott.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42I'm taking Intro To German and even I know that.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Come here. He sent me a picture, retardo.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49See? That's a picture of Mike and that's his cute cousin, Jan.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53No, retardo, that's "Yan", a man's name
0:13:53 > 0:13:57and that's not Mike, it's "Me-ka", a common German girl's name
0:13:57 > 0:14:02similar to our Michelle. I hope you wrote back and told her to visit.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08You didn't? You thought she was a guy!
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- I'm getting the video camera! - LAUGHS
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- What a asshole.- No.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17No.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20NOOOOOOOOOO!
0:14:44 > 0:14:47COMPUTER BEEPS
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Address blocked? Email not delivered. No.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53COMPUTER BEEPS No, come on!
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Hey, Mom made waffles. What's going on?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I'm in love with my pen pal.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I'm in love with Mike.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07OK. OK.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11You know what? I was actually expecting this.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15And frankly, I am flattered you picked me to come out to first.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18And don't worry about telling your folks cos, er,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- I think they already know. - No, you idiot. Mike is a girl.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24No, no, I get it. He's the girl, you're the girl.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Sometimes you're both the girl.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Right? Right? That's hot.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34But, y'know, whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Will you stop? Look. Look at this picture.
0:15:38 > 0:15:43- Wow, who's the hot chick? - That's Mike. I mean "Me-ka".
0:15:43 > 0:15:46That's Mike, who you've been writing to all this time?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Until last night when I took your advice
0:15:48 > 0:15:51and told her to keep her hands off my genitals.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Given what we know now, that seems like the opposite of what you want.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- This is a total disaster. - Oh, come on, it's not that bad.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06- Though she is really hot.- Listen, I don't even care what she looks like.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Mike and I, we had this incredible bond.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15- I told her things I couldn't even tell you.- Like what?
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- Nothing. It's a figure of speech. - No, seriously, what?- Nothing.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22- The point is...- You like me better. - Listen. This girl is not only smart
0:16:22 > 0:16:26and funny and stunningly beautiful but until I screwed it up,
0:16:26 > 0:16:31- she wanted to come to America just to be with me.- So do something about it.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35What can I do? She blocked her email, her phone number's not listed.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- The only thing I know is that she lives in Berlin.- So go to Berlin.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- Why not? - Because! I just can't, OK?
0:16:46 > 0:16:50I'm working for my dad. It'll look good on my med school application.
0:16:50 > 0:16:55Oh, Jesus, Scotty. Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- I'm going to Germany. - No. WE'RE going to Germany.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11# Real wild one
0:17:13 > 0:17:15# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... #
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- How are we going to get to Germany? - Don't worry. I've got it covered.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- We're going to be couriers?- It's the best way to get a cheap flight.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30All we have to do is carry their packages and drop them off.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- My cousin did it when he went to India.- Yeah?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi
0:17:36 > 0:17:40and, er, they had to cut off his leg, y'know. But he got there cheap.
0:17:40 > 0:17:46- That's what I'm saying.- OK, I don't have anything to Germany for a week.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49But I can get you both to London today for 118.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- Anything else?- Europe is the size of the Eastwood Mall.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56- We can walk to Berlin from there. - Cooper, England's an island.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01OK, swim. Whatever. We'll take it.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03MUSIC: "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet
0:18:03 > 0:18:07# Be my girl Be my girl
0:18:07 > 0:18:10# Are you gonna be my
0:18:10 > 0:18:14# Girl, yeah? #
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- Hey.- Mm. - Thanks for coming with me.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- I know you had that internship at the law firm.- Forget the law firm.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26And don't thank me. I should be thanking you.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29This trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- to broaden my sexual horizons. - What are you talking about?
0:18:33 > 0:18:37- I'm talking about crazy European sex.- Ah.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- You know America was founded by prudes.- Mm.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Prudes who left Europe because they hated all the kinky, steamy
0:18:45 > 0:18:48European sex that was going on.
0:18:48 > 0:18:54Now I, Cooper Harris, will return to the land of my perverted forefathers
0:18:54 > 0:18:59and claim my birthright which is a series of erotic
0:18:59 > 0:19:02and sexually challenging adventures.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07- You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you?- It's my passion.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12# In the city there's a thousand faces all shining bright
0:19:15 > 0:19:19# In the city In the city
0:19:19 > 0:19:22# And those golden faces are under 25... #
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Come on! Come on!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Welcome to jolly old England. - Yeah.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35- Breathe that sweet, sexy, European air. - PHONE RINGS
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- Oh.- What is that?- Er, it's the phone they gave me at the law firm.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43- Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? Works anywhere.- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Excuse me. Cooper here.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51Hello, Mr Walters. Er, yes, sir, I'm down at file storage.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Just hang on one second.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02No, sir, I can't find the Goodman file anywhere.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. No, I don't rest until I find it.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- They would've stopped paying me. - Right.- It seemed easier.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- So, where to? - Er, I dunno. First bus to Berlin
0:20:15 > 0:20:18doesn't leave till tomorrow. What do you wanna do? Tower of London,
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Buckingham Palace?
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- Er...- There's no drinking age. - There you go!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Hey, the Fiesty Goat! LAUGHS
0:20:33 > 0:20:36All right! What do you wanna...
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Soccer hooligans.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Hey, this isn't where I parked my car.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Oi! Who the bloody hell are you?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05This is a private member's bar exclusively for
0:21:05 > 0:21:08the supporters of the greatest football team in the world,
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Manchester United.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Now, please, enlighten me. WHO THE FUCK ARE YA?
0:21:15 > 0:21:19That is a good question and, Scotty...
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Huh?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26We're the Manchester United fan club...
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- ..from Ohio.- If you're Manchester United supporters,
0:21:31 > 0:21:34sing the Manchester United song.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42- AGH! SING! - # My baby takes the morning train
0:21:42 > 0:21:47# He works from nine to five and then
0:21:47 > 0:21:51# He takes another home again
0:21:51 > 0:21:53# To find me... #
0:21:55 > 0:21:59..watching the Manchester United football team!
0:21:59 > 0:22:04Huh?! The best freaking team in all the land. Whoo-hoo!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Pretty good.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16- Pretty damn good, lads! - ALL CHEER
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Agh!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22MUSIC: "Morning Train" by Sheena Easton
0:22:22 > 0:22:26# My baby takes the morning train
0:22:26 > 0:22:30# He works from nine till five and then
0:22:30 > 0:22:33# He takes another home again
0:22:33 > 0:22:37ALL: # To find me waiting for him
0:22:37 > 0:22:41# He's always on that morning train.. #
0:22:44 > 0:22:46I've unblocked your email address.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Bloody Scott. He's not responding.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53He was the one.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I was going to give myself to him.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Perhaps you should give yourself to someone else.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Fraulein.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Whoo!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I'm never drinking again.
0:23:28 > 0:23:33- Coop, wake up. - Oh, man, that was a wild night.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36You think?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39# England five Germany one
0:23:39 > 0:23:41# Michael Owen is number one
0:23:41 > 0:23:44# England five Germany one... #
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Scotty, where the hell are we going?
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54- Honey, where's Scotty? - Cooper said they were going camping.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Oh. That's nice.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Where's Bert? - Fucked if I know.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05# Beckenbauer and Voller thought they'd seen it all... #
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Hey! How are ya?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Look, given the current geo-political climate,
0:24:17 > 0:24:21all Europeans countries should have a seat at the table.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Except those fuckin' Eyeties. I hate them Italian bastards.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28- You know what I mean? - Excuse me.- Hello, boyo!
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- So, what the hell happened last night?- You got steamed up,
0:24:31 > 0:24:35pissed as a fart. Too much sauce, son.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Don't worry. I come and got ya so you wouldn't miss the trip.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43- What trip? Where are we going? - What do you mean where are we going?
0:24:43 > 0:24:47We're going to see the mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris! Aren't we, boys?
0:24:47 > 0:24:49ALL: Yeah!
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Why are you yelling at me?
0:24:51 > 0:24:54So I tell the swamp donkey to sack it
0:24:54 > 0:24:57before I give her a tonk in her tradesman's entrance
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- and have her lick me yarbles! - LAUGHS
0:25:01 > 0:25:06Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing here.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11- Cooper. Cooper, we're going to Paris. - I know. Cecil told me.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Mieke's in Berlin. We're not going to Berlin.
0:25:13 > 0:25:18- What are we gonna do? We need a plan. - See? This is predictable Scotty.
0:25:18 > 0:25:23Relax! Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- This is why France and Germany have always been allies.- Allies.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33The twins. The twins were in Paris, right? We'll give them a call.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- They can help us. Give me your phone. - OK, but I'm only supposed to use it
0:25:36 > 0:25:39for business calls. I only...
0:25:40 > 0:25:43# Guinness boys, we are here
0:25:43 > 0:25:46# Oh-oh, oh-oh
0:25:46 > 0:25:48# Guinness boys, we are here
0:25:48 > 0:25:51# Oh-oh, oh-oh
0:25:51 > 0:25:53# Guinness boys, we are here... #
0:25:56 > 0:25:57- Come on! - HORN BLARES
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Wrong side of the road, you snail-eating puffs!
0:26:00 > 0:26:04Fuck off! Go on, you fucking garlic-breath tossers!
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Piss off! Get in here and say that, you froggy shites!
0:26:11 > 0:26:16- HORN BLARES - We'll beat you, bastard, all over your fucking nose!
0:26:16 > 0:26:21- Get out of the way! Piss off! - ALL CHANT
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Hey, lads! That wanker's got a frog football shirt on.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Let's give this nancy a fucking good kicking! Come on, lads!
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- It's going off. AGGHHHHH! - ALL YELL
0:26:49 > 0:26:52All right, the twins said they'd meet us here.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Hey, there they are. Come on. Jenny!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- Jamie. BOTH:- Hey!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- Come here. - No. No, no, no!
0:26:59 > 0:27:03- Bienvenue a Paris!- Thank you. What is that? A new camera?
0:27:03 > 0:27:06This isn't just a camera, this is a Leica M7.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Uber-sensitive exposure settings, legendary cloth shutter system.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12- Let me see that thing. - No can do.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15I spent four years tutoring lacrosse just to pay for it
0:27:15 > 0:27:19- so nobody touches my camera but me. - So it's like your weener?
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- No, it's not like my... Jenny. - Cooper!
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Leave him alone. I can't believe you came all the way to Europe
0:27:25 > 0:27:29- for a girl.- Oh, wait, no, not just any girl. Show her the picture.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32She makes every girl in our school look like a walrus.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36- I'M a girl from your school. - No, I mean girl girls.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Guys, we're wasting the day here. We're in Paris!
0:27:38 > 0:27:42- Let's go to the Louvre. - ALL: To the Louvre!
0:27:56 > 0:27:59# Disparition de ma foi
0:27:59 > 0:28:03# Prier, crier Je dois faire ca pour esperer la retrouver
0:28:03 > 0:28:06# Disparition de ma foi... #
0:28:06 > 0:28:11OLD-FASHIONED FRENCH MUSIC PLAYS
0:28:11 > 0:28:13# Disparition de ma foi... #
0:28:15 > 0:28:18So, you guys wanna stay here or should we check out the huge line
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- at the Eiffel Tower? - Here's a fun fact.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Voltair contracted syphilis just two blocks from here! Shall we go?
0:28:24 > 0:28:28Can we please just get out of here? This guy's really creeping me out.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Who, robot man? He's just trying to feed his robot family.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35- I really don't like him. - Why? Is it cos he's doing this?
0:28:35 > 0:28:38- MAKES WHIRRING NOISE - All right. OK, seriously, don't do that.
0:28:38 > 0:28:42ROBOTIC VOICE: Cooper, do not hate me. MAKES WHIRRING NOISE
0:28:44 > 0:28:48ROBOTIC VOICE: I know 600 dance moves and am programmed to get...
0:28:51 > 0:28:54..freaky.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Oh, you're just upset because people like me better. It's OK.
0:29:33 > 0:29:34Oh.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Fight, fight!
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Sweep the ledge, Scott!
0:30:04 > 0:30:06Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Don't look in his eyes, Scotty!
0:30:18 > 0:30:23- ALL: Ohh!- That was not cool! - Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28GROWLS
0:30:35 > 0:30:37- Agh!- Agh!
0:30:45 > 0:30:47ALL: Ooh!
0:30:47 > 0:30:52ALL APPLAUD Come on, guys, let's go. Come on.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01How cool is this?
0:31:01 > 0:31:04It's a shame we only get to spend one day together.
0:31:04 > 0:31:07- Why don't you guys come to Berlin with us?- Erm, no.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10Jamie, come on. In a few months we go off to different colleges.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this.
0:31:13 > 0:31:18Plus, we're in Europe! Huh? It should be the trip of a lifetime.
0:31:18 > 0:31:23There's no way that we should split up. This table is now Europe, OK?
0:31:25 > 0:31:29We are right here in Paris
0:31:29 > 0:31:33and I have got to get to Mieke who is over here in Berlin.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36And, Jamie, if you come, I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff
0:31:36 > 0:31:42- you can see along the way.- We can go to Denmark.- I love Denmark.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45- We've gotta hit Amsterdam. - Definitely.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47And the cathedral at Camaret.
0:31:47 > 0:31:52- Yeah, maybe. Whatever. - Maybe. We'll see.- If there's time.
0:31:53 > 0:31:58- Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke.- Fine.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00- Excellent! - All right! A toast.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03- A toast.- Yes.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06- To Mieke.- To Europe. - ALL: To Europe!
0:32:07 > 0:32:11Merci. Berlin, here we come!
0:32:11 > 0:32:14- All right.- Oh, you better let me hold onto those.
0:32:17 > 0:32:21- What the hell is that? - It's a traveller's money belt.
0:32:21 > 0:32:25As long as you have one if these, no-one can rob you of anything.
0:32:25 > 0:32:30- Except your dignity.- No, you just put that in your... Wait, what?
0:32:30 > 0:32:32Come on, guidebook.
0:32:35 > 0:32:39Check it out. European ass.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44What's up?
0:32:45 > 0:32:51Oh, Jesus, Jenny, I thought you were some...girl. Platform four.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Thanks.
0:32:54 > 0:32:55Damn.
0:32:59 > 0:33:01I believe this is yours.
0:33:04 > 0:33:08Pleased to meet you. My name is Christoph.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10- Jenny, let's go! - Come on! Move it!
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Those are my friends.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14- We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin...- Jenny!
0:33:14 > 0:33:19I'm coming! So, it was really nice to meet you.
0:33:19 > 0:33:25The pleasure was all mine... Jennifer.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38# Wam! Bam! Mon chat, splatch Git sur mon lit a bouffe sa langue
0:33:38 > 0:33:41# En buvant dans mon whisky quant a moi peu dormi
0:33:41 > 0:33:45# Vide, brime, j'ai du dormir dans la gouttiere ou j'ai eu un flash
0:33:45 > 0:33:49# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh En quatre couleurs
0:33:50 > 0:33:53# Ca plane pour moi
0:33:53 > 0:33:56# Ca plane pour moi
0:33:56 > 0:33:59# Ca plane pour moi, moi, moi, moi, moi
0:33:59 > 0:34:01# Ca plane pour moi
0:34:01 > 0:34:04# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh... #
0:34:06 > 0:34:09# Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me
0:34:09 > 0:34:12# Do it in my van on Sundays
0:34:12 > 0:34:15# Tells him she's at... # What?
0:34:15 > 0:34:18You gotta admit, it's a really catchy tune.
0:34:19 > 0:34:23BOTH: # Tells him she's in church but she doesn't go
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Still she's on her knees ALL: # And Scotty doesn't know
0:34:26 > 0:34:30- ALL: # Scotty doesn't know... # - Buon giorno.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37Buon giorno.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46You know, there are a lot of other empty compartments.
0:34:46 > 0:34:51Huh? Ah! Si. Si.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26- Pardon me.- Huh?
0:35:27 > 0:35:30Oh. Excuse.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Excuse.
0:35:38 > 0:35:39Oh. Ow!
0:35:56 > 0:35:59- Hi.- Buon giorno.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12Wh... What the hell are you doing?
0:36:12 > 0:36:14Scusi! Scusi!
0:36:14 > 0:36:18- No! No, no, no, no, no! - Scusi! Scusi! Scusi!
0:36:18 > 0:36:19- Uh-oh. - What?
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Big tunnel.
0:36:23 > 0:36:27# Looking for some hot stuff, baby, this evening
0:36:27 > 0:36:30# I need some hot stuff, baby
0:36:30 > 0:36:34# God, I need your love tonight... #
0:36:34 > 0:36:36ALL: Whoa!
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Excuse.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03Buon giorno.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13Crans Sur Mer. We change trains here.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Well, we've got a couple of hours to kill,
0:37:17 > 0:37:19what's there to see in this town?
0:37:19 > 0:37:23Hello! The Monument!
0:37:23 > 0:37:26It's a monument to all the local fisherman that were lost at sea.
0:37:26 > 0:37:29Fromer says it's supposed to be... "quite moving."
0:37:29 > 0:37:32What the hell is wrong with you, C-3P0?
0:37:32 > 0:37:35We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when the train gets here.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Oh, says here this town has a famous nude beach.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44All right, look, we can't just lie around all day.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47We've got to go out and experience the culture first-hand.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49Let's go exploring.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54So, what's the etiquette on boners?
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it
0:37:56 > 0:37:58or is it cool to just let my flag fly?
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Does "nude beach" mean we have to get naked, too?
0:38:04 > 0:38:05Of course.
0:38:05 > 0:38:09Do you think you can go an hour without your currency colostomy bag?
0:38:09 > 0:38:12As long as this thing has our money and our passports in it,
0:38:12 > 0:38:14it's not coming off.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16I don't think my trunks are coming off, either.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19Ah, come on, Jamie, you came all the way to Europe,
0:38:19 > 0:38:21you can't wimp out now.
0:38:23 > 0:38:24OK.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26All right, on the count of three...
0:38:26 > 0:38:29Here we go. Three. Two. One.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31Ha-ha! Look at Jamie's penis!
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Very funny. Very funny.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36- All right. All right. - CLEARS THROAT
0:38:36 > 0:38:39Let the crazy European sex odyssey begin.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41- Here we go.- Really? - BOTH: Yes.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47ALL SCREAM: Hello ladies!
0:38:52 > 0:38:54ALL: Huh? Ladies?
0:38:54 > 0:38:55Bitches?
0:39:02 > 0:39:05Eurgh! What a rip. There's no nude girls here!
0:39:05 > 0:39:07It's just guys like us looking for nude girls.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09I don't understand.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12"Crans Sur Mer has one of the best nude beaches on the Continent.
0:39:12 > 0:39:14"However...
0:39:16 > 0:39:18"..during the summer months,
0:39:18 > 0:39:21"all the European women are chased away by gawking male tourists,
0:39:21 > 0:39:23"so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists
0:39:23 > 0:39:27"head to the deserted beach right next to the monument."
0:39:36 > 0:39:38Oui.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45There's...so...many...penises.
0:39:45 > 0:39:49Frommers tried to tell you but you just didn't listen.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51This is the biggest sausage fest on earth.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54It's the international house of sausage.
0:39:54 > 0:39:56Hey!
0:39:57 > 0:39:58Thanks for waiting(!)
0:39:58 > 0:40:01You're not missing anything. It's all guys.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04Huh. Least the sun's out.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12# My dreams come true
0:40:12 > 0:40:14# True, true, true...
0:40:21 > 0:40:24# I made my dreams come true
0:40:24 > 0:40:26# True, true, true
0:40:26 > 0:40:28# My dreams come true... #
0:40:30 > 0:40:32Holy crap!
0:40:32 > 0:40:35What? I thought this was a nude beach.
0:40:35 > 0:40:40- SLOW-MOTION:- No-oo-oo-oo!
0:40:40 > 0:40:41DOOF!
0:40:41 > 0:40:46- No, Jenny, you've got to cover up! - What are you doing?- Cover up!
0:40:46 > 0:40:49ALL CHANT IN TRANCE-LIKE STATE: Girls?
0:40:50 > 0:40:54ALL: Girl... Girl...
0:40:56 > 0:40:58Run!
0:40:58 > 0:41:00SQUEALS
0:41:00 > 0:41:02ALL CONTINUE TO CHANT
0:41:04 > 0:41:06I'm not gonna make it! Go on without me!
0:41:06 > 0:41:08All right. See ya.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10SCREAMS
0:41:31 > 0:41:34What, are you reading Mieke's old emails again?
0:41:34 > 0:41:36Mmn-hmn. Yeah.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45You know, she said I might be the one.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47That's huge.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50I've never been "the one" before.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54I thought I was the one with Fiona but it turns out I was like, what,
0:41:54 > 0:41:56101? 200. 200! BOTH LAUGH
0:41:56 > 0:41:59Look, you've got nothing to worry about.
0:41:59 > 0:42:02You'll show up and sweep her off her German feet.
0:42:04 > 0:42:05Thanks.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Yeah...
0:42:15 > 0:42:17I will, won't I?
0:42:19 > 0:42:22I'm so sad and lonely.
0:42:22 > 0:42:27I just wish someone would show up and sweep me off my German feet.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30- Mieke, I'm here.- Scottie!
0:42:30 > 0:42:33Mieke, listen about that last email, I'm so sorry...
0:42:33 > 0:42:36The past is the past. You are here now.
0:42:36 > 0:42:39I've been saving myself for you.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43Let us make love... for one whole month.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46MUSIC: "Du" by David Hasselhoff
0:42:46 > 0:42:49Touch me, Scottie.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53OK.
0:43:11 > 0:43:13Oh, Scottie...
0:43:13 > 0:43:16..mi bello!
0:43:16 > 0:43:18- Mi bello... - COOS SOFTLY
0:43:18 > 0:43:21- SEDUCTIVELY:- Mi bello.
0:43:22 > 0:43:25Mi bello.
0:43:25 > 0:43:27Mi bello!
0:43:32 > 0:43:34- Ah! Excuse! - SCREAMS
0:43:34 > 0:43:37ALL SCREAM
0:43:38 > 0:43:42# Looking for some hot stuff, baby, this evening
0:43:42 > 0:43:45# Got to have some hot stuff
0:43:45 > 0:43:47# Got to have some love tonight
0:43:47 > 0:43:51# Hot stuff... #
0:44:06 > 0:44:08Our train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning.
0:44:08 > 0:44:10Where we gonna sleep tonight?
0:44:10 > 0:44:13What do you mean "sleep"? We can sleep on the train tomorrow.
0:44:13 > 0:44:16This is the best thing that could've happened to us. We're in Amsterdam!
0:44:16 > 0:44:19This is the drug and sex capital of Europe!
0:44:19 > 0:44:21Take a look at this...
0:44:23 > 0:44:26"Club Vandersexxx."
0:44:26 > 0:44:29It's the red light district's hottest sex club.
0:44:29 > 0:44:31We have to check it out. Who's with me?
0:44:31 > 0:44:33I'll go.
0:44:33 > 0:44:36Fine. Since no-one else is willing to go,
0:44:36 > 0:44:37I'll just go myself.
0:44:37 > 0:44:40MUSIC: "The Bad Touch" by The Bloodhound Gang
0:44:58 > 0:45:01This is definitely where I parked my car.
0:45:03 > 0:45:05Hello, there.
0:45:07 > 0:45:09Welcome to Club Vandersexxx,
0:45:09 > 0:45:12Amsterdam's most erotic club,
0:45:12 > 0:45:16where your every fantasy will be fulfilled.
0:45:16 > 0:45:18It also says I get a free T-shirt with flier.
0:45:21 > 0:45:23He is American.
0:45:23 > 0:45:26How sad for you to grow up in a country
0:45:26 > 0:45:28that was founded by prudes.
0:45:28 > 0:45:32A country overrun with crime and illiteracy.
0:45:32 > 0:45:36A country where man is forced to make sex to only one woman at a time,
0:45:36 > 0:45:40and one must learn the woman's name beforehand!
0:45:40 > 0:45:43- It was horrible.- I know!
0:45:43 > 0:45:45But you can come with me.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48Let the vandersexxx begin.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52Ha!
0:45:52 > 0:45:54REGGAE MUSIC PLAYS
0:45:57 > 0:45:59I can't believe we're doing this!
0:45:59 > 0:46:03Don't worry, hash brownies are totally legal here.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06You're gonna enjoy these, man. These are magical.
0:46:06 > 0:46:10# I love to smoke marijuana
0:46:10 > 0:46:12# It gives me a deep medication... #
0:46:12 > 0:46:14- You wanna do this? - Yes.- Uh-huh.
0:46:19 > 0:46:20- Hi.- Hi.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22I need a new battery for my camera
0:46:22 > 0:46:26and, while you're at it, it could use a thorough cleaning.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29Wow. Is that a Leica M6?
0:46:29 > 0:46:32Actually, it's an M7. It's got the built-in light meter.
0:46:33 > 0:46:36It's so beautiful.
0:46:36 > 0:46:38It's so sleek. So powerful.
0:46:38 > 0:46:40How's the new lens system?
0:46:40 > 0:46:42LAUGHS
0:46:42 > 0:46:45Makes a Nikon look like a disposable.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48You really know your cameras.
0:46:48 > 0:46:49And you're very cute.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51Me?!
0:46:51 > 0:46:53Really?
0:46:53 > 0:46:54I'm going on a break.
0:46:54 > 0:46:57I was going to step out back and have a cigarette.
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Would you like to join me?
0:46:59 > 0:47:01I don't smoke.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03Neither do I.
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
0:47:12 > 0:47:13What is it?
0:47:13 > 0:47:16This is great!
0:47:16 > 0:47:18You're so innocent.
0:47:18 > 0:47:21Let's change that, shall we?
0:47:23 > 0:47:25What would you like me to do?
0:47:25 > 0:47:27W-Well, I don't really know.
0:47:27 > 0:47:29I-I guess I haven't really done that much.
0:47:29 > 0:47:33Er, I haven't really found the time, with all my extra curriculars
0:47:33 > 0:47:36and model UN, advanced placement classes,
0:47:36 > 0:47:38- after school tutor... - ZIP OPENS
0:47:38 > 0:47:39..ing! Ah!
0:47:40 > 0:47:43Gosh, you really like cameras!
0:47:43 > 0:47:47Sometimes we find that our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure
0:47:47 > 0:47:50that they sometimes scream out, "No!"
0:47:50 > 0:47:51when really they mean, "Yes!"
0:47:51 > 0:47:53Oh!
0:47:53 > 0:47:56This is why we have the safe word.
0:47:57 > 0:47:58The safe word?
0:47:58 > 0:48:01If it any time the ecstasy gets too great,
0:48:01 > 0:48:04you just use the safe word.
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Until we hear the safe word,
0:48:06 > 0:48:09we will not stop.
0:48:09 > 0:48:11Yeah! Right! Stop! All right.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13We're going to start slowly,
0:48:13 > 0:48:15teasing you...
0:48:15 > 0:48:18with a little light erotic foreplay.
0:48:18 > 0:48:20- Whee! - GIGGLES
0:48:20 > 0:48:23- MOANS - Yes, ladies!
0:48:23 > 0:48:25Vandersexxx!
0:48:32 > 0:48:34Hans! Rupert!
0:48:38 > 0:48:39Hi.
0:48:50 > 0:48:53So, a-are the g-girls coming back?
0:48:53 > 0:48:56Administer the testicle clamps!
0:48:56 > 0:48:57Huh? What?
0:49:03 > 0:49:05Safe word.
0:49:12 > 0:49:15What is that?! That's not a word!
0:49:15 > 0:49:18That's a...floogen-koogen...
0:49:18 > 0:49:20Floogen... Ow! Ow! Ow!
0:49:20 > 0:49:22SCREAMS
0:49:22 > 0:49:25MOANS
0:49:28 > 0:49:29OK, mister, don't move.
0:49:29 > 0:49:32- Excuse me? - Shut the hell up.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34Oh, brother, please don't hurt me.
0:49:34 > 0:49:36Oh, no! No, you're fine. It's good.
0:49:36 > 0:49:38Give me cash. You got cash? Give me cash.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41Oh, take it all, you dirty girl!
0:49:41 > 0:49:42What?!
0:49:42 > 0:49:44Your wallet! Focus!
0:49:45 > 0:49:47- Give it to me. - MOANS ECSTATICALLY
0:49:47 > 0:49:49Oh! I love you!
0:49:49 > 0:49:52I love you! I lo...
0:49:52 > 0:49:54Oh, I love you!
0:49:54 > 0:49:56I loooove you!
0:49:57 > 0:49:59GIGGLES UNCONTROLLABLY
0:50:01 > 0:50:03GIGGLES LOUDLY
0:50:03 > 0:50:05Ooh!
0:50:05 > 0:50:08GIGGLES GIRLISHLY
0:50:08 > 0:50:10What's so funny?
0:50:10 > 0:50:13GIGGLES HEARD LOW-PITCHED
0:50:17 > 0:50:21Hmn. I'm really hungry. I think I've got the munchies.
0:50:21 > 0:50:24- Excuse me!- Huh?
0:50:24 > 0:50:27It's hot in here. You hot? I'm really hot.
0:50:27 > 0:50:28Mmn! Good!
0:50:28 > 0:50:31OK, I can't breathe! God! God! I'm freaking out!
0:50:31 > 0:50:33I think we got a bad batch cos I'm freaking out!
0:50:33 > 0:50:35I can't... I can't do this.
0:50:35 > 0:50:37I saw a gay porno once.
0:50:37 > 0:50:40I didn't know until halfway in.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43The girls never came. The girls never came!
0:50:43 > 0:50:45I'm freaking out! PANTS AND GASPS
0:50:45 > 0:50:48- MONOTONE: - Everything all right with you, man?
0:50:48 > 0:50:49No! Nothing's all right.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53You're a bad, bad Rastafarian.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56These are not hash brownies.
0:50:56 > 0:50:59Hmn?
0:50:59 > 0:51:02- What was that? - We do not serve hash brownies here.
0:51:02 > 0:51:04We a simple Dutch bakery!
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Now put your clothes back on, white boy.
0:51:11 > 0:51:14- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh! Ooh! - CYMBALS CHIME
0:51:14 > 0:51:17Floogen-gengen-halen!
0:51:17 > 0:51:20Did you say Flugelkremphengel?
0:51:20 > 0:51:23Yes! Yes! For the love of God!
0:51:23 > 0:51:25CYMBALS CEASES Are you sure?
0:51:25 > 0:51:27Yes, please.
0:51:27 > 0:51:30As you wish. SIGHS IN RELIEF
0:51:30 > 0:51:32Bring on the Flugelkremphengel!
0:51:35 > 0:51:37Wait! What?
0:51:37 > 0:51:39Uh-oh.
0:51:39 > 0:51:41No, no, no, no, no, no!
0:51:41 > 0:51:43- I didn't say... - DROWNED OUT BY WHIRRING
0:51:43 > 0:51:47ATTEMPTS PRONUNCIATION
0:51:50 > 0:51:54Agh...!
0:52:03 > 0:52:05What'd you do last night?
0:52:06 > 0:52:09I don't want to talk about it.
0:52:09 > 0:52:10What did you guys do?
0:52:10 > 0:52:12BOTH: Don't wanna talk about it.
0:52:14 > 0:52:16What is that?
0:52:16 > 0:52:18Free T-shirt.
0:52:22 > 0:52:23Hey, guys!
0:52:24 > 0:52:26What happened to you?
0:52:26 > 0:52:28I got robbed.
0:52:28 > 0:52:30It was awesome!
0:52:32 > 0:52:36All our money! All our passports! Our tickets! Everything gone!
0:52:37 > 0:52:39How the hell could this happen?
0:52:39 > 0:52:42We all go to Amsterdam and Jamie's the one who hooks up!
0:52:43 > 0:52:45For shame!
0:52:48 > 0:52:51MOBILE RINGS
0:52:53 > 0:52:56Oh, that's me.
0:52:59 > 0:53:01Coop here. (Sorry.)
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Hello, Mr Walters.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07What do you mean you never got the Goodman file?
0:53:07 > 0:53:09I told Humphrey to give it to you.
0:53:09 > 0:53:13That's hogwash. I handed it to him myself yesterday.
0:53:13 > 0:53:16I will tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately.
0:53:16 > 0:53:18Goodbye.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21- SIGHS:- This job's killing me!
0:53:21 > 0:53:24HORN HONKS
0:53:29 > 0:53:32SPEAKS GERMAN
0:53:32 > 0:53:35- Er... - Er, let me handle this.
0:53:35 > 0:53:37I speak bad German.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03- What'd he say? - He said he's driving. Some place.
0:54:19 > 0:54:21- Berlin. - Berlin!
0:54:26 > 0:54:28He's going to Berlin. ALL: Awesome!
0:54:30 > 0:54:33ALL: All right! Come on, let's go.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44Next stop - Berlin!
0:54:44 > 0:54:47GERMAN ROCK MUSIC
0:55:02 > 0:55:03# Deutschland... #
0:55:05 > 0:55:06Beautiful.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08We made it to Berlin.
0:55:08 > 0:55:11- Berlin! - LAUGHS
0:55:15 > 0:55:17- Bratislava?- Yes.
0:55:17 > 0:55:18Bratislava!
0:55:24 > 0:55:27Dear sweet mother of God.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29We're in Eastern Europe.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42SNARLS
0:55:53 > 0:55:54WHISTLES
0:55:54 > 0:55:57Excuse me,
0:55:57 > 0:55:59do you speak any English?
0:55:59 > 0:56:01You are Americans?
0:56:01 > 0:56:03Yeah.
0:56:03 > 0:56:06- I love America! - LAUGHS
0:56:06 > 0:56:09We just get Miami "Wice" on television.
0:56:09 > 0:56:12Hey man, Miami Wice is number one new show.
0:56:12 > 0:56:15Yeah. Er, listen,
0:56:15 > 0:56:17we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany.
0:56:17 > 0:56:19Do you know if there's a train any time soon?
0:56:19 > 0:56:21Oh, yes. Very soon.
0:56:21 > 0:56:24They are building it now.
0:56:25 > 0:56:29Stop! Hammer time!
0:56:29 > 0:56:31Enjoy Bratislava.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34It's good you came in summer.
0:56:34 > 0:56:37In winter it can get very depressing.
0:56:38 > 0:56:40We've got to figure something out.
0:56:40 > 0:56:42How much money do we have?
0:56:46 > 0:56:48Fromer's travel tip.
0:56:49 > 0:56:51I don't have anything.
0:56:51 > 0:56:52What? I got... Fine.
0:56:59 > 0:57:01A dollar and 83 cents American.
0:57:01 > 0:57:04What are we gonna get with that?
0:57:09 > 0:57:12Gotta love that exchange rate!
0:57:13 > 0:57:15Fine.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26Hmm. They have less pulp.
0:57:27 > 0:57:29Dinner is served.
0:57:29 > 0:57:32Would masters care for anything else?
0:57:32 > 0:57:35I think we're good. Thanks.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37Oh, a nickel!
0:57:37 > 0:57:39GASPS
0:57:39 > 0:57:41You see this?
0:57:41 > 0:57:44I quit!
0:57:44 > 0:57:47I open my own hotel!
0:57:55 > 0:57:57So we got 27 cents left.
0:57:57 > 0:57:59What is there to do in this town?
0:57:59 > 0:58:02TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS
0:58:17 > 0:58:20Hey, this song sounds familiar.
0:58:23 > 0:58:25Jenny, let me check your coat.
0:58:30 > 0:58:32Hey.
0:58:32 > 0:58:36Jenny, that outfit is horrible. Take it off now.
0:58:36 > 0:58:40- GIGGLES:- No. But I will let you buy me a drink.
0:58:40 > 0:58:42Excuse me...
0:58:44 > 0:58:46You are the woman from the Paris train station, aren't you?
0:58:46 > 0:58:49- My name is...- Christoph! - LAUGHS: Yes.
0:58:49 > 0:58:52- What are you doing here? - This is my place.
0:58:52 > 0:58:55My family owns many nightclubs throughout Europe.
0:58:55 > 0:58:58I'd be honoured if you'd join me in my VIP room for a drink.
0:58:58 > 0:59:00OK!
0:59:01 > 0:59:04Bye, Cooper.
0:59:09 > 0:59:12- What's that?- It's Absinthe.
0:59:12 > 0:59:14Fromer says it's illegal in the States
0:59:14 > 0:59:16because it makes you hallucinate and go crazy.
0:59:16 > 0:59:19They call it the green fairy.
0:59:25 > 0:59:28My family has a yacht in the Aegean.
0:59:28 > 0:59:31Come with me, Jenny! We will sail away together.
0:59:31 > 0:59:33Oh, my God.
0:59:33 > 0:59:36We will swim with dolphins and sip Champagne by moonlight.
0:59:36 > 0:59:39Oh, my God.
0:59:39 > 0:59:42We will spend the day sunbathing, drinking wine.
0:59:42 > 0:59:44My wife makes the best sangria.
0:59:44 > 0:59:46Wait! What?
0:59:46 > 0:59:49Sangria. Well, you take a good Spanish rioja
0:59:49 > 0:59:51and you put in slices of orange...
0:59:51 > 0:59:54No, no, no! Wait! You said you were married?
0:59:55 > 0:59:59So, you just go around Europe sleeping with everyone you meet.
0:59:59 > 1:00:01No, please, Jennifer, it is not like that.
1:00:01 > 1:00:04I also sleep with men.
1:00:07 > 1:00:10I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything.
1:00:10 > 1:00:11Me neither.
1:00:11 > 1:00:13Sober as a judge.
1:00:14 > 1:00:15How about you?
1:00:15 > 1:00:17I'm not feeling a goddamn thing.
1:00:17 > 1:00:20This Absinthe is bullshit.
1:00:20 > 1:00:21I hear you, my brother.
1:00:21 > 1:00:23I'm outta here!
1:00:23 > 1:00:25Excuse me.
1:00:25 > 1:00:28- Hey, so, where's Christoph? - Shut up!
1:01:08 > 1:01:10So, tomorrow Berlin!
1:01:10 > 1:01:11Tomorrow Mieke.
1:01:18 > 1:01:20Check it out.
1:01:20 > 1:01:23No way! Jamie's hooking up with another girl!
1:01:23 > 1:01:25Goddamn it!
1:01:25 > 1:01:29I've been all over the place looking for crazy European sex
1:01:29 > 1:01:31and he's the one who...
1:01:31 > 1:01:33BOTH: Oh, my God!
1:01:37 > 1:01:39That is some pretty fucked-up shit!
1:01:42 > 1:01:45Can you say "What the fuck did I do last night?"
1:01:56 > 1:01:59BOTH SCREAM
1:01:59 > 1:02:03They really are the worst twins ever.
1:02:28 > 1:02:32That was a pretty wild night, eh?
1:02:32 > 1:02:34Yeah, pretty wild. Pretty wild.
1:02:37 > 1:02:40I know I was out of control. How about you guys? Did you, er...
1:02:40 > 1:02:43All right, look, we were really drunk,
1:02:43 > 1:02:46things got a little crazy and Jamie...
1:02:46 > 1:02:48kissed me.
1:02:48 > 1:02:50Let's just forget about it, OK?
1:02:50 > 1:02:52- Consider it forgotten. - Never happened.
1:02:52 > 1:02:55- Never happened.- Fine.
1:02:55 > 1:02:57Let's just forget about it.
1:02:57 > 1:02:59It's not like you two had sex.
1:03:00 > 1:03:02Have you had sex?
1:03:02 > 1:03:04- Shut up, Cooper!- Jamie, relax.
1:03:04 > 1:03:05Cooper, please.
1:03:05 > 1:03:09OK. Fine. I'll give it a rest.
1:03:09 > 1:03:11- SIGHS - Jamie, could I borrow your Frommers?
1:03:17 > 1:03:19Oh, here it is - Bratislava.
1:03:19 > 1:03:21Ah! Capital of Slovakia.
1:03:21 > 1:03:24Oh, here's the fun facts...
1:03:24 > 1:03:26You made out with your sister, man!
1:03:26 > 1:03:29Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
1:03:29 > 1:03:33CAR HORN BEEPS TUNE
1:03:33 > 1:03:36My friends, where is the beef?
1:03:36 > 1:03:37LAUGHS
1:03:37 > 1:03:42You go to Berlin... I'm your ride. Hop in.
1:03:44 > 1:03:49MUSIC: "99 Red Balloons" by Goldfinger
1:04:07 > 1:04:10OK, this is Mieke's apartment building.
1:04:10 > 1:04:12Wish me all sorts of luck, guys.
1:04:14 > 1:04:16You'll do great, Scott.
1:04:37 > 1:04:41I came all this way. I'm not gonna miss this.
1:04:47 > 1:04:50- Dude, Mieke's hideous. Run! - Stop.
1:04:50 > 1:04:53Agathe. Ich mache das.
1:04:53 > 1:04:56Ich mache das schon!
1:04:57 > 1:04:59Sie konnen gehen. Ja.
1:05:01 > 1:05:06Hi, my name's Scott Thomas. I'm from America and here to see Mieke.
1:05:06 > 1:05:08I'm sorry but Mieke's not here.
1:05:08 > 1:05:11- Do you know where she is? - She's gone for the summer.
1:05:15 > 1:05:20- Danke, Agathe. - SHOUTS:- Danke, Agathe!
1:05:20 > 1:05:23Agathe, Sie konnen jetzt gehen.
1:05:24 > 1:05:28My daughter had intended to spend the summer in America,
1:05:28 > 1:05:31looking at colleges and visiting some friends
1:05:31 > 1:05:33but several days ago she suddenly changed her mind.
1:05:33 > 1:05:36She would not tell me why.
1:05:36 > 1:05:38I think I know why.
1:05:40 > 1:05:43- Heinrich, bitte hor auf. - Ja, Papa.
1:05:43 > 1:05:47This is Heinrich. He's Mieke's stepbrother.
1:05:47 > 1:05:50As I was saying, she packed up her bag and left.
1:05:50 > 1:05:52- It was all very sudden. - Do you know where Mieke is now?
1:05:52 > 1:05:55I don't know. She's always been very interested
1:05:55 > 1:05:58in the classics. Greek and Roman literature and history
1:05:58 > 1:06:01and she's always enjoyed the ocean so she found a programme
1:06:01 > 1:06:04- that combines all her interests. - Do you know where she is?
1:06:05 > 1:06:09She enrolled in a summer at sea programme based in Rome.
1:06:09 > 1:06:11Rome.
1:06:11 > 1:06:14OK, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then.
1:06:14 > 1:06:17Well, unfortunately Mieke's only in Rome for orientation.
1:06:17 > 1:06:20Tomorrow her group will be boarding a boat and she'll be gone for summer
1:06:20 > 1:06:23and she'll be quite unreachable.
1:06:23 > 1:06:25Unreachable.
1:06:33 > 1:06:37Mieke's tour group goes to the Vatican tomorrow then she's gone.
1:06:37 > 1:06:39So, it's over?
1:06:41 > 1:06:44Hey, thanks for sticking with me through all this, guys,
1:06:44 > 1:06:46but I think you should probably call your parents.
1:06:46 > 1:06:49Have them wire you some money and go home.
1:06:49 > 1:06:54- What are you gonna do? - I'm going to Rome.
1:06:55 > 1:06:58I'll walk, I'll hitchhike, I'll swim if I have to
1:06:58 > 1:07:01but I'm gonna get to Mieke somehow.
1:07:04 > 1:07:07- Maybe that will help. - Where did you get all that?
1:07:07 > 1:07:10What. Where is your Leica?
1:07:10 > 1:07:13- Sold it.- What?
1:07:13 > 1:07:16You sold your Leica.
1:07:16 > 1:07:19But you loved that thing. What about your photo tour of Europe?
1:07:19 > 1:07:23- What about the chateaux?- Chateaux have been there for 300 years.
1:07:23 > 1:07:26Mieke's gone in 12 hours.
1:07:28 > 1:07:32Come on, let's go! You're supposed to check in three hours before.
1:07:32 > 1:07:34Come here.
1:07:34 > 1:07:37We're going to Rome!
1:07:47 > 1:07:48# Be my girl
1:07:48 > 1:07:51# Be my girl
1:07:52 > 1:07:55# Are you gonna be my girl
1:07:56 > 1:07:57# My girl
1:07:57 > 1:07:59# Be my girl
1:07:59 > 1:08:02# Are you gonna be my
1:08:02 > 1:08:04# Girl, yeah! #
1:08:08 > 1:08:12All right, group. Our tour begins in the Vatican museum.
1:08:12 > 1:08:14This way, please.
1:08:21 > 1:08:23There it is.
1:08:25 > 1:08:28SPEAKS ITALIAN
1:08:28 > 1:08:32This entrance is for private tour groups only.
1:08:34 > 1:08:38Oh, but we are a private tour group. We've come all the way from America.
1:08:40 > 1:08:43That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded.
1:08:48 > 1:08:50I can tell.
1:08:50 > 1:08:55- How very very sad. - Yes, it is.
1:08:55 > 1:08:57But if you are a tour, where is your guide?
1:08:57 > 1:09:01We've got a fantastic tour guide. Right here.
1:09:04 > 1:09:07The Vatican has been used as a papal residence
1:09:07 > 1:09:11ever since the time of Emperor Constantine the Great
1:09:11 > 1:09:13in the 5th century AD.
1:09:16 > 1:09:19OK. If you'll all follow me, please.
1:09:23 > 1:09:25Have a very special day
1:09:25 > 1:09:29for a very special little man.
1:09:29 > 1:09:31OK.
1:09:33 > 1:09:37I can't believe that guy let us in. What a retard.
1:09:37 > 1:09:40- OK. Let's go find Mieke. - Excuse me!
1:09:40 > 1:09:43One of our English speaking tour guides has called in sick.
1:09:43 > 1:09:46Could you please take these people also?
1:09:48 > 1:09:51- How big is Vatican city? - Point five square kilometres.
1:09:51 > 1:09:56- Who built the colonnade? - Gian Lorenzo Bernini. 1656.
1:09:56 > 1:09:59- Where are the bathrooms? - Floors two, six and seven.
1:09:59 > 1:10:02Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a pope.
1:10:02 > 1:10:06When this happens, white smoke is sent up from the Vatican...
1:10:06 > 1:10:09Mieke's got to be around here somewhere. Let's go.
1:10:18 > 1:10:22Behind me is the appartemento papale or papal apartment.
1:10:22 > 1:10:25- We're obviously not permitted. - Excuse me, miss.
1:10:25 > 1:10:27What is this?
1:10:27 > 1:10:30That is the bell of San Marco. When the pope dies,
1:10:30 > 1:10:34the cardinal vicar rings this bell to notify the people of Rome.
1:10:34 > 1:10:37Next we will view the Sistine Chapel. Follow me.
1:10:41 > 1:10:44- What?- I think I heard them. - Which way did they go?
1:10:44 > 1:10:47- That way. I'd stake my reputation on it.- Good enough for me.
1:10:47 > 1:10:51Hey, check it out. Wonder what this does?
1:10:51 > 1:10:55It doesn't do anything, it's a rope. Come on, let's go.
1:10:55 > 1:10:57They got a lot of old stuff here.
1:10:57 > 1:11:00BELL RINGS
1:11:05 > 1:11:07SPEAKS ITALIAN
1:11:07 > 1:11:10The bell of San Marco.
1:11:10 > 1:11:12The pope is dead!
1:11:16 > 1:11:18Wow.
1:11:20 > 1:11:24- She's not in here.- Let's go. We're definitely not supposed to be here.
1:11:24 > 1:11:27Hey, check this out.
1:11:27 > 1:11:31- I'm the pope. - Cooper. Take off the pope hat.
1:11:31 > 1:11:36- Oh, no, it's OK. I'm Catholic. - Cooper, take it off, Godammit!
1:11:36 > 1:11:39You took the Lord's name in vain.
1:11:39 > 1:11:42- Only I can forgive you now, my son. - Take that fudging thing off.
1:11:44 > 1:11:47- Cooper! - It's a Hail Mary at the 40!
1:11:47 > 1:11:51The 30, the 20, the 10. Touchdown, Pope!
1:11:52 > 1:11:55Pope makes a two point conversion.
1:11:55 > 1:12:00Oh, my Lord. It's the pope eight and the heathens, nothing!
1:12:02 > 1:12:04Hell to you, sucker!
1:12:06 > 1:12:10Cooper, the hat. The hat! The hat is on fire!
1:12:10 > 1:12:13- We don't need the water, let the... - I'm not kidding, look!
1:12:13 > 1:12:16Oh, holy shit.
1:12:17 > 1:12:20I don't want it. Fireplace! Fireplace! Go!
1:12:31 > 1:12:35White smoke! They've elected the new pope!
1:12:38 > 1:12:41I'm coming live from Vatican Square where the College of Cardinals
1:12:41 > 1:12:45in a surprise move has just elected a new pope.
1:12:45 > 1:12:47"The crowd is very excited."
1:12:47 > 1:12:52This is so strange. Usually they wait 15 days to elect a new pope.
1:12:52 > 1:12:55People, we're seeing history in the making!
1:12:55 > 1:12:57We could be seeing an arrest in the making.
1:13:04 > 1:13:07There she is. Mieke!
1:13:10 > 1:13:13Stupid curtain!
1:13:17 > 1:13:19Mieke!
1:13:19 > 1:13:21It's the new pope!
1:13:46 > 1:13:48What the hell?
1:13:54 > 1:13:56Mieke!
1:13:58 > 1:14:01Hold on!
1:14:05 > 1:14:07This is one crazy pope.
1:14:16 > 1:14:20You! Stop! You!
1:14:21 > 1:14:26You and your retarded friend,
1:14:26 > 1:14:29- you're in big big trouble. - Oy!
1:14:29 > 1:14:31# England five Germany one... #
1:14:31 > 1:14:34Take your mitts off them boys.
1:14:34 > 1:14:36They're with me!
1:14:38 > 1:14:41I've just about had enough of you fucking Eyeties.
1:14:41 > 1:14:43But I am Swiss.
1:14:45 > 1:14:48Them, too!
1:14:52 > 1:14:56Now, bud, you get in there and you say what you gotta say.
1:14:57 > 1:15:01Mieke, I'm here. I made it.
1:15:04 > 1:15:07- Who are you? - CROWD GROANS
1:15:07 > 1:15:09LAUGHTER
1:15:09 > 1:15:13What a fucking loser. I'm gonna videotape this.
1:15:13 > 1:15:15I'm Scott.
1:15:15 > 1:15:18From Ohio?
1:15:18 > 1:15:21Scott? Scott Thomas?
1:15:21 > 1:15:25- Yes.- Ohio?
1:15:25 > 1:15:28- What are you doing in Rome? - I came here to be with you.
1:15:28 > 1:15:31Listen, I just travelled all the way across Europe.
1:15:31 > 1:15:33I got chased by naked men,
1:15:33 > 1:15:36I ate brownies with absolutely no drugs in them.
1:15:36 > 1:15:39I watched a brother and sister make out.
1:15:40 > 1:15:44I kicked a robot in the balls but I did it all
1:15:44 > 1:15:46so I could tell you one thing.
1:15:48 > 1:15:51I love you, Mieke.
1:15:53 > 1:15:56We are perfect for each other. What do you think?
1:15:56 > 1:15:59I think...
1:16:14 > 1:16:17Oh, Mike. Mieke!
1:16:20 > 1:16:22GROANING
1:16:29 > 1:16:31Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
1:16:31 > 1:16:36I have cheated on my husband. Do you think God will ever forgive me?
1:16:36 > 1:16:38Oh, yes.
1:16:38 > 1:16:40Father?
1:16:50 > 1:16:52This sucks.
1:16:52 > 1:16:55I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here.
1:16:55 > 1:16:58Europe is officially the worst country on earth.
1:16:58 > 1:17:03I know. I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex.
1:17:06 > 1:17:08What?
1:17:16 > 1:17:19- I have to go.- OK.
1:17:19 > 1:17:21My boat is leaving.
1:17:21 > 1:17:26I still can't believe you came all the way here just for me.
1:17:26 > 1:17:29What can I say? I'm very unpredictable.
1:17:29 > 1:17:32- Keep writing to me, Scott, OK? - Yeah, I will.
1:17:42 > 1:17:44- Go.- Right.
1:17:51 > 1:17:53Yes. Yes! Yes!
1:17:53 > 1:17:55SHOUTS
1:17:56 > 1:17:59Hey, guys. I'm so glad we got to take this trip together.
1:17:59 > 1:18:02This was the best time of my life.
1:18:04 > 1:18:07Excuse me.
1:18:07 > 1:18:11You were the young man who just gave me that tour of the Vatican.
1:18:12 > 1:18:16- Listen, I'm very... - I just wanted to thank you.
1:18:16 > 1:18:21You were the most knowledgeable, idiosyncratic tour guide I've had.
1:18:21 > 1:18:25Thanks, but I'm not actually a tour guide.
1:18:26 > 1:18:28I've just read Frommers enough to have it memorised.
1:18:28 > 1:18:32- I threw in things Frommers didn't know.- Would you like to add them?
1:18:32 > 1:18:37- Excuse me? - That's...my guide book.
1:18:41 > 1:18:43I'm Arthur Frommer.
1:18:45 > 1:18:47It's amazing!
1:18:47 > 1:18:51Frommers is paying me to see every museum and cathedral in Europe.
1:18:53 > 1:18:56That sounds so exciting...for you.
1:18:57 > 1:19:02Figured since you were gonna be staying, you might need this.
1:19:02 > 1:19:05- A disposable camera. - That's right.- Thanks, Scotty.
1:19:05 > 1:19:08- That's from both of us. - BEEP
1:19:08 > 1:19:11MOBILE PHONE RINGS
1:19:15 > 1:19:18Hello, Mr Walters. I see.
1:19:18 > 1:19:21Fired? Well, I...
1:19:21 > 1:19:25Well, if that's what you want I understand.
1:19:25 > 1:19:27Goodbye, sir.
1:19:27 > 1:19:31- They had to catch you eventually. - No, they fired Humphrey.- Shut up!
1:19:31 > 1:19:34- Yeah, I got his office and a raise. - No.
1:19:34 > 1:19:38TANNOY: 'Flight 341 from Rome to England...'
1:19:38 > 1:19:41- That's you guys. - Yeah.- Have a good flight.
1:19:44 > 1:19:46Be good.
1:19:49 > 1:19:51- Have a good flight. - Be good.
1:20:35 > 1:20:37This still counts as Europe, right?
1:20:45 > 1:20:50"Dear Mieke, Greece sounds incredible.
1:20:50 > 1:20:53"I just moved into my dorm room today
1:20:53 > 1:20:56"but I can't wait to see you over Christmas break.
1:20:56 > 1:20:58"This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct."
1:20:58 > 1:21:01PHONE RINGS
1:21:04 > 1:21:07- Hello? - Hey, buddy, how's college?
1:21:07 > 1:21:10Hey. I just got here. My room mate hasn't even showed up yet.
1:21:10 > 1:21:12Do they room all you pre-med geeks together?
1:21:12 > 1:21:16I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. Thinking about majoring in German.
1:21:16 > 1:21:20German? Why don't you major in not being such a woman?
1:21:20 > 1:21:24- So, how's Jenny? - Jenny? Jenny who?
1:21:24 > 1:21:27I know a lot of ladies named Jenny. They're all... Ow!
1:21:28 > 1:21:32- Hey, Scotty, what's up? - Hi, Jenny!
1:21:32 > 1:21:35Have you heard from Jamie? How's he doing with Frommer?
1:21:39 > 1:21:41Hold on.
1:21:41 > 1:21:45- Come here, robot! - Cooper, not again!
1:21:45 > 1:21:47KNOCK ON DOOR Hold on. This is my new room mate.
1:21:53 > 1:21:56'What's the freak look like?'
1:21:56 > 1:21:59Is he a dork or is he cool? Better not be cooler than me.
1:21:59 > 1:22:01'Is he bigger than me?'
1:22:01 > 1:22:04I just got your last email. What are you doing here?
1:22:04 > 1:22:06Going to college.
1:22:06 > 1:22:09You're going to college here?
1:22:10 > 1:22:14- What dorm? - This one. Room 214.
1:22:15 > 1:22:19How is this possible?
1:22:19 > 1:22:22I guess they thought I was a guy.
1:22:22 > 1:22:26Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that?
1:22:34 > 1:22:39'Can I hear kissing? Are you making out with your new room mate?
1:22:42 > 1:22:45'Scotty? Scotty!
1:22:45 > 1:22:47'Scotty!'
1:22:49 > 1:22:53This happy ending is bullshit. When does the fairy get laid?
1:22:53 > 1:22:55I'm out of here.
1:22:55 > 1:22:58# Scotty doesn't know
1:22:58 > 1:23:01# Scotty doesn't know... #
1:23:01 > 1:23:04- Catchy tune. - Fucking A.
1:23:04 > 1:23:06# Scotty doesn't know
1:23:06 > 1:23:08# You can't tell Scotty
1:23:08 > 1:23:11# Fiona says she's out shopping
1:23:13 > 1:23:16# But she's under me and I'm not stopping
1:23:17 > 1:23:19# Cos Scotty doesn't know
1:23:19 > 1:23:21# Scotty doesn't know
1:23:21 > 1:23:22# Scotty doesn't know... #
1:23:22 > 1:23:24Hello and welcome
1:23:24 > 1:23:28to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel.
1:23:28 > 1:23:32- Sounds great.- There is no bathroom nor is there one nearby.
1:23:32 > 1:23:35# I can't believe he's so trusting
1:23:37 > 1:23:41# While I'm right behind you thrusting... #
1:23:42 > 1:23:44- You get it? - She got it.
1:23:44 > 1:23:47If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen,
1:23:47 > 1:23:51I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now.
1:23:51 > 1:23:56You can also try hiding your valuables in your anus.
1:23:56 > 1:23:57# Scotty doesn't know
1:23:57 > 1:23:59# Scotty doesn't know
1:23:59 > 1:24:00# Scotty doesn't know
1:24:00 > 1:24:02# Scotty doesn't know... #
1:24:03 > 1:24:06I'm gonna pull away his pants and look at his dick, OK? Ready?
1:24:06 > 1:24:10Sorry, hon, I fucked it up.
1:24:10 > 1:24:13Yes. Take her hair, and one strand at a time,
1:24:13 > 1:24:16pull it out.
1:24:16 > 1:24:18Use her like a humping post.
1:24:18 > 1:24:23This is Europe. They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos.
1:24:25 > 1:24:27Happy Juice.
1:24:27 > 1:24:30You gotta show them something they haven't seen before.
1:24:30 > 1:24:33# Fiona's got him on the phone
1:24:33 > 1:24:36# Yeah, she's trying not to moan
1:24:36 > 1:24:39# It's a three-way call
1:24:39 > 1:24:41# And he knows nothing nothing
1:24:41 > 1:24:43# Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know
1:24:43 > 1:24:45# Scotty doesn't know... #
1:24:45 > 1:24:48Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring
1:24:48 > 1:24:51or the fireworks factory upstairs,
1:24:51 > 1:24:56you will be incinerated along with the valuables in your anus.
1:24:56 > 1:24:58# So don't tell Scotty
1:24:58 > 1:25:01# Scotty doesn't know
1:25:01 > 1:25:03# Scotty doesn't know
1:25:03 > 1:25:06# Scotty doesn't know
1:25:06 > 1:25:09# The parking lot
1:25:09 > 1:25:10# Why not
1:25:10 > 1:25:13# It's so cool when you're on top
1:25:13 > 1:25:14# His front lawn
1:25:14 > 1:25:16# In the sun
1:25:16 > 1:25:18# Life is so hard cos Scotty doesn't know
1:25:18 > 1:25:19# Scotty doesn't know... #
1:25:19 > 1:25:23Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers!
1:25:23 > 1:25:25Go on, you Gallic fucking garlic-breath tossers!
1:25:25 > 1:25:29Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! Come on!
1:25:29 > 1:25:34Fucking come and have it! You fucking bib, we'll bib you, bastard,
1:25:34 > 1:25:36all over your fucking nose! Fuck off!
1:25:36 > 1:25:39Go on, you French bastards!
1:25:39 > 1:25:43Get down the other side of the road, you pricks. Go on, out of it!
1:25:43 > 1:25:45Fuck off! I'm knackered.
1:25:48 > 1:25:50# Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know
1:25:50 > 1:25:52# Scotty doesn't know
1:25:52 > 1:25:54# Scotty doesn't know don't tell Scotty
1:25:54 > 1:25:57# Scotty doesn't know
1:25:58 > 1:26:01# Scotty doesn't know
1:26:01 > 1:26:03# Scotty's gotta know
1:26:03 > 1:26:04# Come and tell Scotty
1:26:04 > 1:26:06# Gonna tell him myself
1:26:06 > 1:26:08# Scotty doesn't know
1:26:08 > 1:26:10# Scotty, Scotty, go
1:26:10 > 1:26:12# Scotty doesn't know
1:26:12 > 1:26:14# Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know
1:26:14 > 1:26:17# Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know
1:26:17 > 1:26:21# Scotty doesn't know! #
1:27:33 > 1:27:35Is it off yet?
1:27:35 > 1:27:37No, keep rubbing it.