0:00:02 > 0:00:03SLOW POP BALLAD PLAYS
0:00:03 > 0:00:04# Into a life of pain
0:00:04 > 0:00:08# Came something beautiful
0:00:08 > 0:00:13# Someone who loved me much as I love her
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# There have been trials and tribulations
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# And not just a few
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# But we made it through
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And now the time's at hand
0:00:24 > 0:00:28UP-TEMPO BEAT: # We're gonna get married
0:00:28 > 0:00:30# And have everything
0:00:31 > 0:00:33# Birdies sing
0:00:34 > 0:00:36# The bells will ring
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# Bells of every denomination ringing
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# We're gonna get married
0:00:41 > 0:00:42# We're gonna get married
0:00:42 > 0:00:44# We're gonna get married
0:00:44 > 0:00:46# We're gonna get married
0:00:46 > 0:00:48# We're gonna get married
0:00:48 > 0:00:50# Wait and see. #
0:00:52 > 0:00:54WOMAN GASPING
0:00:54 > 0:00:56You must do something!
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Baby's coming!
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Yeah, I know baby's coming.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Miss, you have to stay calm
0:00:59 > 0:01:01and take deep breaths, OK? ..Myra!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I need a doctor here right now.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05- I'm working on it! - You're not doctor?
0:01:05 > 0:01:06- No, I'm a nurse. - You're man
0:01:06 > 0:01:07and you're nurse?!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09What kind of man is nurse?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Look, folks, I'm a professional, OK?
0:01:12 > 0:01:13I know exactly what I'm doing.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14So just trust me, everything's gonna be fine.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16All right? OK.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Yeah. Yeah, you're fully dilated.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Hey, I need that doctor right now.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21There are no free doctors.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Nurse, you're gonna have to
0:01:23 > 0:01:24deliver that baby yourself.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26I can see a head!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Holy shit.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30SHE SCREAMS
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Check it out.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38We did it.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41We had a boy.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42A boy.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43You're my hero!
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Mm-hmm.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46I name baby for you.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Oh...you don't have to do that.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Yeah, I must.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51It's a Latvian tradition.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52We will name the baby...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56HE GROANS SOFTLY
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- MAN'S VOICE: - 'Hello. You've reached the Fockers. We're not around.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07'So leave us a message. Goodbye.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10'Roz! How the hell do you shut this thing off?'
0:02:10 > 0:02:11- ROZ: - 'I have no idea.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13'Just press a button.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14'All right, I'm pretty sure it's off.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16'Honey! you want a chimichanga?
0:02:16 > 0:02:17'I thought they gave you gas.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- 'A little bit but it's worth it. - Yeah, worth it for you,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21'but I'm the one that gets the fumes.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23'Honey, I'm in the mood for a chimichanga!
0:02:23 > 0:02:24- 'So make a chimi...' - BEEP
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Hey, guys, it's me.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Dad, I told you six months ago you have to change that message.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Anyway, I'm just calling to double-check,
0:02:31 > 0:02:32cos I didn't hear back from you.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34you know that Pam and I are flying out
0:02:34 > 0:02:35to Oyster Bay today, and then we're flying
0:02:35 > 0:02:37to Miami tomorrow with the Byrneses.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38And our flight gets in at 7.30,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40So that should put us at the house around nine.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42So just give me a call back on my cell, OK,
0:02:42 > 0:02:43cos I want to go over a few things with you about
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Pam's dad, and just, um...
0:02:46 > 0:02:47just some other stuff for the weekend.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48All right? I love you. Bye.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Hey.- Morning, sweetie.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51How was your shift?
0:02:51 > 0:02:52- Ah, guess what? - What?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54I delivered my first baby. SHE GASPS
0:02:54 > 0:02:55- No way. - Mm-hmm.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56- Oh, honey... - Yeah.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57..I'm so proud of you.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58It was incredible.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01I mean, just-just to be pulling this life force
0:03:01 > 0:03:03out of this woman's... you know...
0:03:03 > 0:03:04I mean, it was just so...
0:03:04 > 0:03:06it was... the whole baby thing is...
0:03:06 > 0:03:07it's so cool.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09That's great, honey!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- That's great! - So, er, you think you're ready to go?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I want to get to the airport a little early.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14No, just give me a sec.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15You know how things always go wrong...
0:03:15 > 0:03:16The flight doesn't leave for four hours, honey.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17I just wish we could set a wedding date
0:03:17 > 0:03:19without our parents actually having to meet.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Honey, this weekend is gonna be fine.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23And your parents are great.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Well, they're great in small doses.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Well, 48 hours in Coconut Grove is a small dose.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Besides, you've already won over my dad,
0:03:29 > 0:03:30and that is the hard part.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Mm. That is true. I mean,
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I am still in the Byrnes family circle of trust, right?
0:03:35 > 0:03:36You're firmly in the circle.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- PAM LAUGHS - Finally.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Oh, taxi!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- Taxi! - Taxi!- >
0:03:47 > 0:03:48Hey, you going to the airport?
0:03:48 > 0:03:49- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Take mine.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52All right.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Great.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- Nice guy, huh? - Yeah.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07# Gonna get married Take your hand in mine
0:04:08 > 0:04:11# We'll be looking fine
0:04:11 > 0:04:15# In the sweet sunshine... #
0:04:15 > 0:04:17You two. You're up.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24# It's gonna be
0:04:24 > 0:04:27# All those who love us'll be there
0:04:27 > 0:04:29# One great big happy family
0:04:29 > 0:04:32# Yeah, we're gonna get married... #
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- Great! - # We're gonna get married...
0:04:36 > 0:04:38# We're gonna get married
0:04:38 > 0:04:40# Wait and see... #
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Oh, dear.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44What?
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Well, they overbooked coach.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46HE SIGHS
0:04:46 > 0:04:49So what does that mean, do we miss our flight or...?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Well...we are gonna have to upgrade you to first class.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Really?
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Thank you.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58HE GRUNTS
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Oh. Sir, why don't you let me take that for you.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06OK. Yeah. Here you go.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09So, er, you want to check it? Or put it on another flight?
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Cos that's cool, whatever you want to do.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Just gonna store it in the captain's closet.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16That was nice.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Yeah.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Champagne?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Thank you.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Champagne, sir?
0:05:21 > 0:05:22Thank you.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Enjoy.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Would you like to purchase rental insurance, Mr...Focker?
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Um...
0:05:36 > 0:05:39No. Thanks.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40No?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42HE WHISPERS: It's a scam.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43That's how they make all their money.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46That's true. You don't need it.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Get out of here.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- # We're gonna get married - We're gonna get
0:05:52 > 0:05:56# We're gonna married Wait and see. #
0:06:01 > 0:06:04The house of Byrnes.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07A lot of good memories here.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Mom? Dad?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- MOZART PIANO PIECE PLAYING - I am watching you.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15CHILD PRATTLES
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Almost.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19But you have to do it with two fingers,
0:06:19 > 0:06:21one on each eye, like this.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I am watching you.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25BABY EXCLAIMS HAPPILY
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Oh, we'll get back to that later.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Guess who's here!
0:06:27 > 0:06:29It's...
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Professor Einstein.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32Hi, Little Jack.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33You are a genius.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35I see a Nobel prize in your future.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- Yes, I do. - Study break, boys!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Company's here!
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Pamcake!
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Flapjack!
0:06:43 > 0:06:44HE GIGGLES
0:06:44 > 0:06:46CHANTING: Short stack, short stack, coming up!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Put some syrup in the cup!
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Bup-bup, bup-bup, bup, bup, buh.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55That's how it goes, right?
0:06:56 > 0:06:57That's OK, Greg.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Nice to see you.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Yes. Nice to see you...Grandpa!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Yeah.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05My goodness!
0:07:05 > 0:07:06How did my nephew
0:07:06 > 0:07:07get so big? Look at you!
0:07:07 > 0:07:09You look just like your mommy.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10GREG: He does, doesn't he?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Hey. Hey, this is Greg.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13Remember we talked about him?
0:07:13 > 0:07:14GREG: Hey.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20HE LAUGHS
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Sorry, Greg.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24The card only comes in one gender.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Yeah, no, that's... that's all right.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27BABY FUSSES
0:07:27 > 0:07:28He's taking you in.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31He has a very keen sense for people, Greg.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Hmm, a chip off the old block, huh?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Might have another CIA man on our hands here.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39I'd be discreet about my profession,
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Greg, if I were you. Know what I mean?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42As far as your parents are concerned,
0:07:42 > 0:07:43I'm still a horticulturist.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Hey, why is Little Jack here? Are Deb and Bob house-sitting while we're in Florida?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47No, they're in Cosa Mui, Thailand,
0:07:47 > 0:07:48checking on the clinic
0:07:48 > 0:07:50they opened during their honeymoon.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52What is all this stuff anyway?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55After Denny was sent away to military school,
0:07:55 > 0:07:56your father turned this
0:07:56 > 0:07:59into a learning labouratory for you-know-who over there.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01And do you talk yet, Mr Munchkin Head?
0:08:01 > 0:08:02You little...
0:08:02 > 0:08:04HIGH-PITCHED BLUBBERING
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- Boop, boop, boop. - Greg, Greg, Greg.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Don't infantilise him. Talk to him like an adult.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12- DINA: - Muskrat. - Huh?
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Muskrat, Jack.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Oh, right.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Just try to understand.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18He's a little person.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19His communication skills aren't verbal yet,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22but he understands. Observe.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24LJ, are you hungry?
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Oh, wow.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Look at that.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33"I would like to eat...
0:08:33 > 0:08:36"more...please...
0:08:36 > 0:08:39"then I'd like a nap, and then...
0:08:39 > 0:08:41"later, I'll enjoy a nice poop."
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Oh, yeah. I've heard about this -
0:08:48 > 0:08:50this baby signing stuff. This is, like, cutting edge.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Like, yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Well, at his age, Greg, his mind is like a sponge.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56But when he reaches your age, for example,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58his mind will be far less capable
0:08:58 > 0:08:59of absorbing useful information.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01He's so cute.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02Hey, can I hold him?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04I don't think that's such a good idea, Greg.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Muskrat.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10All right, all right.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14This is Greg. Greg will not drop you. OK?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16OK.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Be careful.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Hello. Oh, hello.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I think he likes me.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24No?
0:09:25 > 0:09:26- Ow!- Oh!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- Shit! - Focker!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30He's absorbing you like a sponge!
0:09:30 > 0:09:31I don't want the first word
0:09:31 > 0:09:33out of his mouth to be a profanity!
0:09:33 > 0:09:34It's OK. It's OK.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Cover your nose! You're terrifying him!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Dad... - I'll get a towel. - Focker!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41It's cool that your dad is so into being a grandparent.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Yeah, I guess.
0:09:42 > 0:09:43I think it kind of freaks my mom out, though.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45She says he spends every last second
0:09:45 > 0:09:46with that kid.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48HORN BEEPS "Puff The Magic Dragon"
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Oh, my God.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Daddy?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54GREG: Wow.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Daddy, what is this thing?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58It's a custom-designed, climate-controlled motor coach.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Jack calls it the highlight of our twilight.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05- Wow, this is incredible. - Isn't it?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Yeah.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08SOLID THUMPING
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Like a tank.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Well, in these uncertain times, Greg, I opted
0:10:12 > 0:10:14for a Kevlar-reinforced hull
0:10:14 > 0:10:16with two-inch thick Plexiglas windows,
0:10:16 > 0:10:17just like the ones they designed
0:10:17 > 0:10:19on the Russian Widowmaker submarines.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I want you to conduct a field test for us, Greg.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I want you to demonstrate
0:10:24 > 0:10:26the impregnable outer skin of the coach.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Throw it at the window.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Oh, Jack, I 'm not going...
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I'm not going to throw a brick at your window.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33It's a simple demonstration.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34No, I 'd really rather not.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Throw the brick, Greg.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- OK.- Just...
0:10:37 > 0:10:38All your might.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39All right.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Don't worry.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Your rental insurance should take care of it.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Jack...what?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Come on, we'll call a tow truck from the road.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54The road?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Yeah, we're driving this to Miami.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Driving? I thought we were, er... I thought we were flying tomorrow.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01No, no. Airline travel being what it is these days -
0:11:01 > 0:11:04so unreliable - I'll feel much more comfortable
0:11:04 > 0:11:06knowing I have my own Posturepedic bed,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08my own thermostat, my own lavatory facility.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Uh-huh. So we're all going to be in this together?
0:11:12 > 0:11:14We hit the road in exactly
0:11:14 > 0:11:16seven minutes, 27 seconds.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18This way, we'll get in early, spend an extra half-day
0:11:18 > 0:11:21with your parents, getting to know them. Isn't that great?
0:11:21 > 0:11:22That is great.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- ROZ ON ANSWERING MACHINE: - 'Yeah, worth it for you,
0:11:24 > 0:11:25'but I'm the one that gets the fumes.'
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- BERNIE: - 'Honey, I 'm in the mood for a chimichanga!'
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- ROZ: - 'So make a chimicha...' - BEEP
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Hey, guys, it's me.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Listen, I 'm getting a little worried
0:11:32 > 0:11:33that I haven't heard back from you.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34I hope you got the message.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36There's been a little change of plans.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39We're going to be coming down in Jack's RV now,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42so we'll be arriving tomorrow afternoon, not tomorrow night.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44OK? Tomorrow afternoon.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46And also, they're bringing their little grandson.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50So, er, he's like a baby, so... I don't know.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Welcome aboard, me hearties. Arrgh.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Hey, this is incredible.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Yeah, it's as big as our apartment.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Pretty neat, huh?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00MEOWING, TOILET FLUSHES
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Hey, Mr Jinx finally
0:12:04 > 0:12:05learned how to flush the toilet, huh?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- DINA: - Yeah, Jack installed a special flusher
0:12:07 > 0:12:10and he learned how to do that in about two days, right, Jack?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Hey there, Jinxy. How you doing?
0:12:12 > 0:12:13IT MEOWS
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Ready to hit the road, co-captain?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Wow!
0:12:20 > 0:12:21I'm the co-captain?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Let's set sail, sailor.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25# I'm going up the country
0:12:25 > 0:12:26- # Babe, don't you want to go?- #
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- JACK ON PA:- Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30This is Captain Jack Byrnes speaking.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Yay, Daddy!
0:12:32 > 0:12:33A quick announcement.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35As a courtesy to your fellow passengers,
0:12:35 > 0:12:37please remember that the on-board lavatory
0:12:37 > 0:12:39should be used for number one only.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Should the need for number two arise,
0:12:41 > 0:12:43we will stop at the nearest rest stop, gas station
0:12:43 > 0:12:45or heavily wooded area. Thank you. Welcome aboard.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I like that thing.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Hey, you mind if I, er...
0:12:49 > 0:12:50make a little announcement?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Well, only the captain gets to make an announcement, Greg.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56Do you want to honk the horn?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Um...sure.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Only the captain gets to honk the horn.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04# I'm gonna leave the city
0:13:04 > 0:13:07# Got to get away
0:13:07 > 0:13:09# All this fussing and fighting... #
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Oh, look!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12GREG: Hey, Jinxy, see that?
0:13:13 > 0:13:14# Now baby, pack your leaving trunk
0:13:14 > 0:13:16# You know we've got to leave today
0:13:16 > 0:13:18# Just exactly where we're... #
0:13:18 > 0:13:19- PAM:- LJ, are you hungry? Do you want some milk?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22# We might even leave the USA... #
0:13:23 > 0:13:26HORN TOOTS Hey, Jack.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Oh, she wants you to honk the horn.
0:13:29 > 0:13:29Not interested.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Rules of the road - she honks, you honk.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Come on, Jack, give her a honk.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38HORN HONKS "Puff The Magic Dragon" There you go. Whoo, yeah.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Hey! Looks like a team or something.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44"Honk if you're horny."
0:13:44 > 0:13:46ALL GIGGLING AND CHEERING
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Oh...
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Thanks for that, Greg.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- ROZ:- 'For you, but I'm the one the gets the fumes.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02'But, honey, I'm in the mood
0:14:02 > 0:14:03'for a chimichanga.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- 'So make a chimichang...' - PHONE BEEPS
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Hey, there.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14No hard feelings, all right?
0:14:14 > 0:14:15Friends?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17COOING
0:14:17 > 0:14:18What's that?
0:14:18 > 0:14:19What are you saying?
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Oh, wait a minute.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21What does this mean?
0:14:21 > 0:14:22I know what this means.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Oh, poop. You got to poop, right?
0:14:26 > 0:14:27OK, good.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Thank you for warning me.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29BABY CRIES Everybody poops.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Sometimes it hurts.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31It's OK, just let it...
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Let it come out.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34What'd you do, Focker?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Nothing. I think he has to poop.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37That's not the sign
0:14:37 > 0:14:38for poop, that's the sign for milk.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40This is the sign for poop.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Well, then what's the sign for sour milk,
0:14:42 > 0:14:44cos, er, this tastes a little funky.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.
0:14:48 > 0:14:48LAUGHING
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Ew.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Fortunately she pumped for a week
0:14:52 > 0:14:54to give us enough for the trip.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55OK...
0:14:55 > 0:14:57snack pack for Little Jack.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59GREG: What are you doing there?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Well, during the breast- feeding stage, Greg,
0:15:01 > 0:15:03infants can get very confused and upset
0:15:03 > 0:15:05when they're separated from their mothers.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06So I invented something
0:15:06 > 0:15:08to ease LJ's anxiety
0:15:08 > 0:15:09during chow time.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I call it the mannary gland.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17I had it made from an exact cast of Debbie's left bosom.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Oh, yeah, OK.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25It's been so effective, I 'm thinking of getting it patented.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Would you like to touch it?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Uh, I wouldn't.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Oh, come on, feel how soft it is.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31I can see how soft it is from here.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32No, feel it, Greg.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33It looks very...yeah.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Just feel the breast, Greg.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Just, er...
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Oh, watch the nipple.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Just around here. The nipple is his.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Oh, yeah. Yeah.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50It's got a great, lifelike kind of...
0:15:50 > 0:15:52or what I would imagine Debbie's breast might,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55might actually feel like, not that I would know.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01- PAM: - Greg?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04What?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Honey, you promised you wouldn't
0:16:06 > 0:16:08take the boob out in front of company.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Nothing to be ashamed of.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Breast-feeding is perfectly natural.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Dad, that's not natural. That's just weird.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17As soon as Little Jack's topped off,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19we're gonna hit the road.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20HE GROANS
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Oh, Jack, you can't drive anymore tonight.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Dr Monroe said
0:16:24 > 0:16:26no aggravating your sciatica.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Honey, we're on a very precise schedule.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29We bunk here tonight,
0:16:29 > 0:16:31we hit horrendous traffic in the morning.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Greg?
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Yeah?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Maybe you can drive the night shift.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39I could do that.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41I am the co-captain, so I think
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- that falls under my responsibilities, right? - Yeah!
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Keep her at 55. Stay alert.
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been wanting to get behind
0:16:47 > 0:16:49the wheel of this big boy.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52CARS AND TRUCKS HONK INSISTENTLY
0:16:54 > 0:16:57I got it. Pass.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58HONKING
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Sorry, got to go 55. Captain Jack's orders.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Hmm...
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Oh.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Hey.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Would you like some company, Greg?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Uh, yeah, sure, if you can't sleep.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Go on, have a seat.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28REMOTE BEEPS
0:17:34 > 0:17:36How 'bout a cappuccino?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Oh, you don't have to do that.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40It's no problem for me.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Really?
0:17:41 > 0:17:42- Yeah?- OK.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Dina! Wake up and make Greg a cappuccino!
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Shake a leg, woman!
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Jesus, Jack, you know what? I'm not that tired, really.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Relax, Greg.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55This cockpit's completely soundproof.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57You should have seen the look on your face.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Oh, OK. You got me. That was a good one.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Yes, it was. Yes.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04That was funny.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06But you should never talk to a woman like that.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09You know that, Greg. It's disrespectful.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Right. Of course. Yeah.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Greg, a man reaches an age
0:18:13 > 0:18:15when he realises what's truly important.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Mm-hmm.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18And you know what that is?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Love?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Friendship?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Enjoying the moment?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Living? Just...love.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29His legacy.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31That, too. Right, yeah. Sure.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Now, my grandson, Little Jack, is part of that legacy.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36In six months, you and Pam
0:18:36 > 0:18:37are going to be married
0:18:37 > 0:18:39and sometime after that, you'll want to start a family of your own.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Right, yeah, actually, you know what?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42On that subject, I've had some thoughts
0:18:42 > 0:18:43about the wedding date.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45We'll discuss that after this weekend, Greg.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Now let's get back on point.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Let me put it very simply.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50If your family circle does indeed
0:18:50 > 0:18:52join my family circle,
0:18:52 > 0:18:54they'll form a chain.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56I can't have a chink in my chain.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Mm...
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Yeah, OK. I get the metaphor.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Now, I 've never met your parents,
0:19:01 > 0:19:02so I'm not going to jump
0:19:02 > 0:19:04to any hasty conclusions.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06But, like studying a frozen caveman,
0:19:06 > 0:19:08if I can see where you came from,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10I'll have a much better idea of where you're going.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12OK.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13Are you thinking maybe
0:19:13 > 0:19:17my parents might be, like, a chink in the chain, or...?
0:19:17 > 0:19:18A doctor and a lawyer.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20What's there to worry about?
0:19:20 > 0:19:21Mm-hmm.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38BIRDS CAWING
0:19:43 > 0:19:46GRUNTING
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- DINA: - Ooh, it seems very nice.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51GRUNTING
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Is that your father?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Hoo, hah...
0:19:58 > 0:19:59That is my father.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Hmm...mm...
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Hah...ooh... hah, hoo, ah...
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Hey, Gaylord!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12What the heck is that contraption?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13I thought you guys were flying in tonight.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I left you a message. I said we were driving down.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Oh, I didn't get a message. You didn't leave a message.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18What are you talking about? I left you, like, five messages.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Will you get over here and plant one on me? We gonna talk about messages?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24I've been waiting so long to see my best buddy!
0:20:24 > 0:20:26- Good to see you. - Come here! Come here!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- OK. - Oh, I missed your smell.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29All right, all right.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Is this not the most handsome young man
0:20:31 > 0:20:32you've ever seen in your life?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I used to call him a young Jewish Marlon Brando.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Oh!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Can you believe I conceived him with one testicle?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42No, really. It's true.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I only have one because the other never dropped.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46It's called an undescending testicle.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49It's not uncommon. But look at him.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Imagine what he would have looked like if I had two.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- That's a good icebreaker, Dad. - Whoa!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- Whoa! - There's the sexiest
0:20:59 > 0:21:01second grade teacher I've ever seen in my life.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- BLOWS RASPBERRY ON NECK - Oh, that was a good one!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06It gets her every time. Goose bumps.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07She loves it.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I'm Dina Byrnes. It's so nice to meet you.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Oh, ze pleasure is all mine, ma cherie.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Whoo!
0:21:14 > 0:21:16You got to be the flower man.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18That's right. Jack Byrnes, Pam's father.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- MIMICKING STOIC TONE: - And I'm Bernard Focker, Gaylord's father.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23And we're all grown-ups here and we shake hands like men.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25All right, Dad.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Oh, we're just playing here. Give me some love.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33We're family now.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35What are you so shy about?
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Come here. Mwah! Mwah!
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Oh, wow. Whoo! Look at those pecs. Wow.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43You're harder than sheet rock. Now tell me the truth -
0:21:43 > 0:21:44now you gotta work out with weights, right?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Well, I do various calisthenics
0:21:46 > 0:21:48and medicine ball training
0:21:48 > 0:21:49and I play bi-monthly football.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Oh, footie- footie-football.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54I was just practicing my Capoeira. What?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Oh, Capoeira, yeah. The Brazilian martial art of dance-fighting, yes.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59He knows what that is. Yeah.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01You know, I 've been doing it for weeks.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Really into it. Keeps me level.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Because sometimes I get wound up so tight,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08I could just snap.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- You know what I mean? - BABY CRIES
0:22:10 > 0:22:12What is that? What is that?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- Is that a baby on board? - That's a baby, yes.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Yeah, mm-hmm.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17It's all in the message.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18DOG YIPS
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Hey, Moses.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Go ahead, say hello to your future in-laws.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- Hey! - No, no, he's harmless.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Yeah, and fixed. Moses!
0:22:25 > 0:22:26- It's all right, he's... - Shake him.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Just shake him off.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29No, don't shake. He likes the shaking. Moses, get off!
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Don't worry, the pink part didn't get on you.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Moses, get. Go. Get in your basket! Go!
0:22:34 > 0:22:35He's all talk.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36Who's this little guy?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38This is our grandson, Little Jack.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40A widdle baby!
0:22:40 > 0:22:42HE SINGS AND GIBBERS
0:22:42 > 0:22:43How are you, widdle Jack?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Hey, Dad, don't infantilise him.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Just talk to him like a person.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49What are you talking about? He's a baby.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51I want to talk to him like he's a baby.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52GOOFY GIBBERING
0:22:52 > 0:22:54BABY CRIES
0:22:55 > 0:22:57He likes me!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59When Roz's dad died, I said, "Hey,
0:22:59 > 0:23:01"we're freezing our tushies off here in Detroit.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03"You know, let's head south
0:23:03 > 0:23:05"and get some year- round fun in the sun."
0:23:05 > 0:23:06- Ooh!- Wow...
0:23:06 > 0:23:07This house is over a hundred years old, so...
0:23:07 > 0:23:08- Dad... - Yes.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Continue the tour - I'm gonna tell Mom we're here, OK?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Oh, the upstairs bathroom is on el fritzo,
0:23:12 > 0:23:13so we're all gonna have to share this one
0:23:13 > 0:23:16for now, and since there's a water scarcity on the island,
0:23:16 > 0:23:17we kind of abide by the,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19"If it's yellow, let it mellow;
0:23:19 > 0:23:21"if it's brown, flush it down" policy.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Whoops, forgot my own rule.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28TOILET FLUSHES
0:23:28 > 0:23:31The RV's paying for itself already.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32- MUSIC PLAYS - All right, kids...
0:23:32 > 0:23:35forward and backward.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Rotate those hips.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Let's get your kundalini rising.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43And now it's time for the ladies
0:23:43 > 0:23:45to get into the "reverse cowgirl" position.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Guys, you have to lie across the liberator pad like so.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Everyone look at how Ira's doing it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Bingo, bango, bongo.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54The man is loose, he's limber and he's ready for action.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56So climb aboard, girls,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58and let me hear your bodies talk.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59Whoa!
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Yes, this position is terrific
0:24:02 > 0:24:04for anyone with osteoporosis, gout or goiter.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Stay with me, kids, we're almost done.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Ah! Honey!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Oh, all right, guys. We have to wrap it up.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13Everyone, remember to take
0:24:13 > 0:24:15your liberator pads, and don't forget
0:24:15 > 0:24:17to stretch before you try this at home.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18We don't want anyone
0:24:18 > 0:24:20shattering a pelvis.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Hello, my precious!
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Oh, I love you so much.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26I haven't seen my bubeleh in months.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27Honey, you feel thin.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28- No, no. - You're not eating.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29- What's the matter? - No, I 'm fine.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Mom, how are we going to explain all these people to the Byrneses?
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Oh, honey, they're leaving.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34The Byrneses won't know they were here.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35OK, it's just we agreed to be discreet
0:24:35 > 0:24:37about you being a sex therapist this weekend,
0:24:37 > 0:24:39at least until you get to know Jack and Dina a little better, right?
0:24:39 > 0:24:40Don't worry, I 'll be discreet.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I put all my toys away and my office is all ready for them
0:24:43 > 0:24:44to sleep in.
0:24:44 > 0:24:45No. Your office?! No. No, no. We're putting them upstairs.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47No, your father thought they'd be more comfortable down here.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49The upstairs plumbing, you don't want to know.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Talk to me about something important, honey.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52How are things with you and Pam?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54- They're great. Yeah. - They're great?
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Because, you know, after two years,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57you have to work to keep things going.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Does she still climax regularly?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Mom, you can't talk that way this weekend, OK?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Honey, I 'm just saying.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04I didn't raise you to be a so-so lover.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06I know. What is he doing?
0:25:06 > 0:25:08What? Don't worry about that.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Mom, Mom, you got to get these people out of here now.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- OK. OK. OK. - Wipe that little gloss off you.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16OK. Mwah mwah mwah!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- BERNIE: - No, they converted it, I'm serious.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19- You hunt dear, Bernard? - What? No.
0:25:19 > 0:25:20I hate that thing.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Roz's father gave it to us.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25He was into all that macho-wacho crap.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Oh, so's Greg.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27He and I went duck hunting together, didn't we, Greg?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Hmm?- Duck hunting - me and you?
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Duck hunting, yeah.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32What? Gay.
0:25:32 > 0:25:32Yeah?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34You went duck hunting with Jack?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Um, yeah, we went,
0:25:36 > 0:25:37we did, we went on a little hunting trip.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39You shot a duck.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I shot at a duck, and, mm-hmm.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44You killed an innocent creature of the sky?
0:25:44 > 0:25:45I don't... Did I?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I think I might have clipped it, or...
0:25:47 > 0:25:49I never really checked.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Oh, lord.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19And now...
0:26:19 > 0:26:21for the piece de resistance.
0:26:22 > 0:26:23- PAM: - Wow!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25DINA: Oh, my goodness.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27A little something I've been working on.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Oh, I see. Oh.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Mom will be in in a sec. What's that?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35It's you! It's the wall of Gaylord.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37The wall of...Gaylord?
0:26:37 > 0:26:38Isn't it nice to finally
0:26:38 > 0:26:40display your accomplishments, son?
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Yeah.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Honey, look at all your awards. That's great.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Mm. He's my champion.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Oh, I didn't know they made ninth-place ribbons.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Oh, Jack, they got them all the way up to 10th place.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51GREG: Hey, anybody want to get a drink out by the lagoon?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53This one looks impressive.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55"Mazel tov, Gaylord M Focker,
0:26:55 > 0:26:57"World's greatest nurse."
0:26:57 > 0:26:58HE LAUGHS
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Very nice.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02We have always tried to instill a sense of self in Gaylord...
0:27:02 > 0:27:03(Be nice!)
0:27:03 > 0:27:04..without being too goal-oriented.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Not about winning or losing.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07It's about passion.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09GREG SIGHS
0:27:09 > 0:27:12We just wanted him to love what he's doing.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13You know what I mean, Jack?
0:27:13 > 0:27:14- JACK: - Not really, Bernard.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I think a competitive drive is the essential key
0:27:16 > 0:27:19that makes America the only remaining superpower in the world today.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Well, whatever works.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Mm-hmm.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24- < ROZ:- All right, gang, don't forget the positions.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Bye, Dr Roz. You're a life-saver.
0:27:26 > 0:27:27- ROZ: - Oh, thank you, BJ.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Goodbye, Sidelle. Ira, remember, easy on the thrusting.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31You're not 78 anymore.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33< Bingo, bango, bongo. DINA LAUGHS
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Oh, what-what kind of work does your mother do with those patients, Greg?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37DINA: Those look like yoga mats.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Is there yoga involved?
0:27:38 > 0:27:40It's yoga-esque.
0:27:40 > 0:27:41It's sort of, um, a-a...
0:27:41 > 0:27:43a-a couples therapy.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Kind of mind/body. It's kind of her own, sort of... It's...
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- BERNIE: - Rozala! Sweetheart! Living room!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Hello! Hello, hello!
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- Hi! - How are you, baby girl?
0:27:54 > 0:27:55- Oh, my God. - Hi, Roz.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57- Oh, my God, look at you. You're glowing!- Oh, thank you!
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Hi. I'm Roz Focker.
0:28:00 > 0:28:01- You must be Jack. - I am.
0:28:01 > 0:28:02And you must be Dina.
0:28:02 > 0:28:03- Oh, hi. - Hello.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04I-I just can't believe
0:28:04 > 0:28:06it's taken us this long to meet, huh?
0:28:06 > 0:28:07HE COOS
0:28:07 > 0:28:09And who's this little hair ball?
0:28:09 > 0:28:10- BERNIE: - Oh, they brought their little grandson Baby Jack along.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12He's so adorable.
0:28:12 > 0:28:13I could eat him up!
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Oh, Bern, did you show them where they're sleeping?
0:28:15 > 0:28:16Right, right, right.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Because we don't have any air conditioning,
0:28:18 > 0:28:21I made up a nice spot for you in Roz's office,
0:28:21 > 0:28:22cos it gets the best breeze,
0:28:22 > 0:28:23and it's very near the communal commode.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Oh, well, well, you know, actually,
0:28:25 > 0:28:27we are gonna stay in our motor home. It's...
0:28:27 > 0:28:28In the trailer? Come on, Jack.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32We...we're family. We sleep under the same roof. Traitor.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Mom's office is kind of cluttered, so that-that that works out all right.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36- It's really easier with Little Jack.- It's not right.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38No, no, really we insist.
0:28:38 > 0:28:39- Well, if you don't mind... - Bern, if they want to sleep in a trailer,
0:28:39 > 0:28:41let them sleep in a trailer.
0:28:41 > 0:28:42Right. Well, Mom, it's not actually...
0:28:42 > 0:28:43It's not a trailer. It's kind of like...
0:28:43 > 0:28:44It's like a... like a hotel on wheels.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46- I mean, it's incredible. - But this is practically is a hotel,
0:28:46 > 0:28:49because I was gonna do a whole turndown service with little chocolates under the pillow.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51Honey, I know, but it's their choice. Wherever you feel most comfortable is fine.
0:28:51 > 0:28:52- BERN:- It's not right.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55- ROZ:- Bern, let it go. - Let it go? Fine.
0:28:55 > 0:28:56- Yes.- Yeah, let it go.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58- Let it go. - What, are you sulking now?
0:28:58 > 0:28:59Look at this - I married a teenager.
0:28:59 > 0:29:00- Right? - Yeah.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02At least you have the libido of a teenager.
0:29:02 > 0:29:03I gave her a little matinee today.
0:29:03 > 0:29:05- GASPING: - Oh! Don't you dare! Stop it!
0:29:05 > 0:29:06BERNIE AND ROZ LAUGH
0:29:06 > 0:29:08How about a double feature?
0:29:08 > 0:29:09THEY LAUGH
0:29:09 > 0:29:11- Come on, come on. - Everything is so...
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Lagoon! Why don't we go show them the lagoon?
0:29:13 > 0:29:14The lagoon. Come see the lagoon.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16The lagoon, Jack. Come on, come on, come on.
0:29:16 > 0:29:17I'd like to see the lagoon.
0:29:17 > 0:29:18We'll get drunk, we'll take a piss in the lagoon!
0:29:18 > 0:29:20JACK CHUCKLES
0:29:31 > 0:29:32GREG GROANS Oh, God.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35GREG: Hey, Dad.
0:29:35 > 0:29:36- It's going good so far, right? - Dad,
0:29:36 > 0:29:38you got to take down that weird shrine thing.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40Well, I 'm very proud of you, Gaylord.
0:29:40 > 0:29:41What's wrong with showing it?
0:29:41 > 0:29:42It's ridiculous!
0:29:42 > 0:29:44Most people aren't proud of sixth-place ribbons.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47Most people? Since when you do care about most people?
0:29:47 > 0:29:50I don't, but J-Jack is really into winning
0:29:50 > 0:29:52and competition and sports.
0:29:52 > 0:29:53It's a whole other thing with him.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Hey, hey, you're a winner
0:29:55 > 0:29:58up here and in here, and that's all that matters.
0:29:58 > 0:29:59OK. Thank you.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01I don't know what that means, but thank you.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03So to solve that problem,
0:30:03 > 0:30:06I created a lifelike latex left breast
0:30:06 > 0:30:08moulded from his mother's actual left breast,
0:30:08 > 0:30:11so this way, LJ would avoid any nipple confusion.
0:30:11 > 0:30:15You're avoiding confusion by strapping a boob on a man?
0:30:15 > 0:30:17Well, yeah. Believe it or not, it is less confusing
0:30:17 > 0:30:19- because of the texture of the... - Mom.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21..breast itself...
0:30:21 > 0:30:25Uh, I guess it's very, um...creative.
0:30:25 > 0:30:26It's very creative.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28BERNIE SINGS FANFARE OFF-KEY
0:30:28 > 0:30:32# A little birdie told me that one of our guests here
0:30:32 > 0:30:35# Is a Tom Collins man! #
0:30:35 > 0:30:36HE IMITATES ROARING ENGINE
0:30:36 > 0:30:37Oh, for pity's sake!
0:30:37 > 0:30:38- Isn't that nice, Jack? - Everybody...
0:30:38 > 0:30:40That is nice. Thank you.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42All right. Wait. Don't drink!
0:30:42 > 0:30:43I want to make a toast.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48Now, I had a vasectomy in 1974.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51- '73, honey. - You're right, '73.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53So, unfortunately, I never had a chance to procreate a daughter.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55But had I been able to,
0:30:55 > 0:30:57I really would have wanted...
0:30:57 > 0:30:59a girl as sensitive and as intelligent
0:30:59 > 0:31:03and as beautiful as this young lady
0:31:03 > 0:31:05sitting right here before us.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07- Thank you, Bernie. - And if I might add,
0:31:07 > 0:31:09- she's not an accident. - Greg, quick.
0:31:09 > 0:31:10Yeah.
0:31:10 > 0:31:14- I thought you had a sister. - Nope. No sister.
0:31:14 > 0:31:15You said you had a sister.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17You said you milked your sister's cat.
0:31:22 > 0:31:26- BERNIE:- OK, I 'm not done yet. What I'm trying to say is,
0:31:26 > 0:31:29it's taken far too long to do this, you know,
0:31:29 > 0:31:31but we're finally all together.
0:31:31 > 0:31:32PAM: Aw...
0:31:32 > 0:31:33- ROZ: - That's nice, honey.
0:31:33 > 0:31:35Oh, thank you.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38- BERNIE: - All right, that's enough.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41- L'chaim, everyone! - ALL: L'chaim! JACK:- Lahaim!
0:31:41 > 0:31:42La-ch-ch...
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Like you have popcorn stuck in the throat. It's a "chuh"...
0:31:45 > 0:31:46OK, to family.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48THEY LAUGH
0:31:49 > 0:31:51- BERNIE: - Oh, I forgot. I want to say
0:31:51 > 0:31:53one more thing about my vasectomy.
0:31:53 > 0:31:54- ROZ:- No. Sit down. No, no. - BERNIE:- One tesi... What?
0:31:54 > 0:31:56- ROZ:- Honey, get yourself over here, huh?
0:31:56 > 0:31:57I went overboard?
0:31:57 > 0:31:59- A little bit, honey, but it's OK. - No, no, it's just because...
0:31:59 > 0:32:01You're so cute, they forgive you anything.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05- BERNIE:- God, you're so beautiful. You are the sexiest woman alive.
0:32:05 > 0:32:06I mean it.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09- ROZ:- You're just trying to get me back into bed.
0:32:09 > 0:32:10- BERNIE:- Or the hammock.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- HE CLEARS THROAT - Bernard, this is a delicious Tom Collins.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15What I did is, I used real lemon juice.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17It's from our trees here. That's the secret.
0:32:17 > 0:32:18He was squeezing all afternoon.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21Yes, and, Jack, I managed to make some lemon juice, too,
0:32:21 > 0:32:24- if you know what I... - BERNIE AND ROZ LAUGH
0:32:24 > 0:32:25- Oh! - Oh!
0:32:25 > 0:32:26- BERNIE:- Gay, you all right?
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Greg, are you OK, honey? Are you sure?
0:32:28 > 0:32:30DUCKS QUACK, CRICKETS CHIRRUP
0:32:34 > 0:32:39DINA: Well, I think that Roz and Bernie seem like very nice people.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41Oh, very nice people.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43A little off-colour, but very nice.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Oh, but isn't it wonderful, Jack,
0:32:45 > 0:32:46after all this build-up,
0:32:46 > 0:32:49the kids are finally getting married?! I feel so happy.
0:32:49 > 0:32:52- LJ COOS - Wait a second. I think he just spoke.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54Little Jack, were you about to speak?
0:32:54 > 0:32:55HE BREAKS WIND
0:32:57 > 0:32:59No, just a little flatulence. What were you saying, honey?
0:32:59 > 0:33:01Nothing, dear.
0:33:03 > 0:33:04Guys.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06- What? - Where you going?
0:33:06 > 0:33:08We're checking out Jack's macho-wacho trailer.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Yeah. I want to see that boob.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Hey, sweetie, can I talk to you for a second?
0:33:12 > 0:33:13Yeah. Hey, listen, don't let Moses
0:33:13 > 0:33:14go in there. They have a cat.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17- Moses is perfectly trained. - What boob?
0:33:17 > 0:33:18Dad, he humps everything that moves.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20- He's like his father. - I never cheated on you!
0:33:20 > 0:33:22They're not listening.
0:33:25 > 0:33:26What's up?
0:33:26 > 0:33:28They seem to be getting along really well, don't you think?
0:33:28 > 0:33:29- Yeah, they do. - Yeah.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31I know, I kind of feel bad that I worried so much.
0:33:31 > 0:33:33Yeah. OK.
0:33:33 > 0:33:34What's going on?
0:33:35 > 0:33:36I'm pregnant.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38- You're pregnant? - Mm-hmm.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41I'm two weeks late, I'm nauseous,
0:33:41 > 0:33:43my boobs hurt and I can smell everything.
0:33:43 > 0:33:44- You're going to have a baby! - Yeah!
0:33:44 > 0:33:47- A baby. Yeah. - We're going to have a little baby.
0:33:47 > 0:33:48I'm pregnant.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50I j... I...
0:33:50 > 0:33:52SHE GIGGLES
0:33:53 > 0:33:54Yeah.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Oh, shit.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01You realise your father's going to kill me.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03No, no, no, no.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05He's not going to find out,
0:34:05 > 0:34:06because we're not going to tell him.
0:34:06 > 0:34:07No, no, no, no, no.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09Come on, he's a human lie detector.
0:34:09 > 0:34:10He lives to sniff out stuff like this.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12We will get through this weekend, we'll get through tomorrow,
0:34:12 > 0:34:14and we'll tell them on Sunday before we go.
0:34:14 > 0:34:16OK, we'll tell them all.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18I just hate the idea of keeping secrets from your dad.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20It's just one little secret.
0:34:21 > 0:34:22Oh! hi, neighbours.
0:34:22 > 0:34:23Hello.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25The Fockers, honey.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27Hello! Fancy-schmancy!
0:34:27 > 0:34:28Welcome to the chateau.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30No wonder they don't want to sleep in our shitbox.
0:34:30 > 0:34:31Look at this place.
0:34:31 > 0:34:32- Whoa. - DOG YIPS
0:34:32 > 0:34:34I don't think the dog is such a good idea.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36Don't worry, Moses is more of a lover than a fighter.
0:34:36 > 0:34:37- JINX SCREECHES - Jinx!
0:34:38 > 0:34:41- Moses!- He's always dreamed of me having a white wedding.
0:34:41 > 0:34:42You don't know how upset he's going to be.
0:34:42 > 0:34:43No, I do know.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46- Moses!- Oh, no!
0:34:46 > 0:34:47- Moses!- Jinxy!
0:34:47 > 0:34:48- Poopsie!- No!
0:34:48 > 0:34:49I told you to keep him out of the RV.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51He said he wanted to see the RV.
0:34:51 > 0:34:53- Dad! - Moses! Moses!
0:34:53 > 0:34:54Get that goddamn dog out of here!
0:34:58 > 0:34:59Mo...!
0:34:59 > 0:35:01- MR JINX PURRS - Oh, God.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03MOSES WHIMPERS GREG: Dad!
0:35:04 > 0:35:06- BERNIE:- Oh. - GREG: Jinx... Jinx, don't do it.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08- Jinxy, no. - Jinx, don't do it.
0:35:08 > 0:35:10- No! - No! - MOSES WHIMPERS
0:35:10 > 0:35:13Jesus! Moses! Hold on!
0:35:17 > 0:35:18Moses, hold on! I'm going to save you!
0:35:18 > 0:35:20The cat can flush?
0:35:20 > 0:35:22Oh, my God! Moses!
0:35:22 > 0:35:23- Out of the way! - It's OK, baby.
0:35:23 > 0:35:25Get out of the way!
0:35:25 > 0:35:26Hey, what the hell are you doing?!
0:35:26 > 0:35:29- I got to get my dog! - Forget your dog. What about my toilet?
0:35:30 > 0:35:31Moses!
0:35:33 > 0:35:35- BERNIE:- Oh! oh!
0:35:35 > 0:35:37Greg, grab the baby. Grab the baby.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39BABY SQUEALS
0:35:39 > 0:35:42BABY CRIES
0:35:47 > 0:35:48- BERNIE:- He's alive!
0:35:48 > 0:35:50He's fine.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53So much for the protection of our rolling safe house.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55Oh, honey, he was trying to save his pet.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57I mean, what if it was Jinxy
0:35:57 > 0:35:59who got flushed into a toilet?
0:35:59 > 0:36:01Mr Jinx has had extensive aquatic training.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03He would've known exactly what to do in the event of a submersion.
0:36:03 > 0:36:04MR JINX PURRS
0:36:06 > 0:36:08MOSES SNARLS, BERNIE CLEARS THROAT
0:36:08 > 0:36:1220-minute warning for dinner, guys. Sorry about the trailer, Jack.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15(Muskrat.)
0:36:17 > 0:36:20- It's OK, Bernard. - MOSES SNARLS
0:36:21 > 0:36:22There's no way we're telling your father this weekend.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24I know - that's what I was saying.
0:36:24 > 0:36:25So what do you want to do?
0:36:25 > 0:36:27I'm not sure. I never thought this would be an issue.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29I always thought we'd be married before we got pregnant.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31- Hey.- What?
0:36:32 > 0:36:34What if we move the wedding up to next month?
0:36:34 > 0:36:38- What? - Yeah. Then we tell your dad that you got pregnant on the honeymoon.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Oh, my God. Yeah, that could work.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42- Yeah, it's perfect, right? - Yeah.
0:36:42 > 0:36:43- OK, good. Just follow my lead. - OK.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45- OK.- OK.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47BERNIE SINGS FANFARE
0:36:47 > 0:36:50Without further ado, my famous Focker fondue.
0:36:50 > 0:36:51ALL EXCLAIM
0:36:51 > 0:36:53Go on, dig in. Come on, get it while it's hot.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55That is so impressive, Bernie.
0:36:55 > 0:36:56Did you do that yourself?
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Oh, sure. Oh, I love to cook.
0:36:58 > 0:36:59I can't even fry an egg.
0:36:59 > 0:37:02- BERNIE:- True. - ROZ:- I burn corn flakes! - THEY LAUGH
0:37:02 > 0:37:05I'm amazed he finds the time to cook with such a high-powered legal career.
0:37:05 > 0:37:09High-powered? I wouldn't exactly call it high... Ow.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11- He kicked me. Why'd you kick me? - I ki-ki-kicked you
0:37:11 > 0:37:13because you're being modest,
0:37:13 > 0:37:16and you should tell people that you are a good lawyer, which he is.
0:37:16 > 0:37:20And-and-and he's fought some really big, important legal battles.
0:37:20 > 0:37:21The truth is, Jack, when Gay was born,
0:37:21 > 0:37:24I stopped practicing and became a stay-at-home dad.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Oh, believe me, he won a trial or two in his day.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Oh, extremely good trial lawyer.
0:37:29 > 0:37:30A regular Clarence Darrow.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33So Roz was the primary breadwinner, and you didn't have a job.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35- PAM:- Dad...
0:37:35 > 0:37:38Oh, honey, come on. You could say he had the hardest job.
0:37:38 > 0:37:39Oh, he's-he's just kidding.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41Of course I'm... Yes.
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Why don't we just jump into the topic of the hour, mmm?
0:37:43 > 0:37:44The big Focker-Byrnes wedding?
0:37:44 > 0:37:45- Oh.- Yes. Good.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48I know we've been talking about a-a fall wedding.
0:37:48 > 0:37:51BERNIE SPEAKS SPANISH TO ISABEL
0:37:51 > 0:37:52ISABEL SPEAKS SPANISH
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Is that Isabel?
0:37:54 > 0:37:55Oh, yeah, our former housekeeper, Isabel.
0:37:55 > 0:37:59You know she has her own catering business now. Isn't that great?
0:37:59 > 0:38:01And I-I asked her to come and help Bernie in the kitchen this weekend.
0:38:01 > 0:38:02You didn't tell me she was here.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04Gay had a monster crush on her when he was a teenager.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06- PAM:- Really?
0:38:06 > 0:38:07I didn't have a monster crush.
0:38:07 > 0:38:09- You didn't tell me about that. - Yeah, because it's not true.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13Oh, not true that I didn't catch you doing a little ba-ziga to her passport photo
0:38:13 > 0:38:14when you were what, 13?
0:38:14 > 0:38:17- ROZ:- Honey, stop.- BERNIE:- I walk in the door, and zuga-zuga-zuga.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19Oh, there's my baby.
0:38:19 > 0:38:22- Hey...- Hey, mi mijo.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26- Como estas? - Good to see you.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29I-I haven't seen you in years.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31- I know.- Mm.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Yes, you've... Wow.
0:38:33 > 0:38:34Yeah, look at you. You look...
0:38:34 > 0:38:36I know.
0:38:36 > 0:38:37- Yeah, you look... - I had a boob job.- Oh.
0:38:37 > 0:38:38BABY COOS
0:38:38 > 0:38:41- Yeah, yeah.- You see.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43Hey, this is, um, Dina and Jack Byrnes.
0:38:43 > 0:38:44SHE SPEAKS SPANISH
0:38:44 > 0:38:46Hi, Isabel. JACK SPEAKS SPANISH
0:38:46 > 0:38:49- And this is Pam Byrnes, my fiancee. - Hi.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51SHE SPEAKS SPANISH
0:38:51 > 0:38:53- <- It's nice to meet you, too.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57Not yet married, and already a little one?
0:38:57 > 0:38:58Hmm?
0:38:58 > 0:39:00He is a handsome little Focker.
0:39:00 > 0:39:02- BABY LAUGHS - Si!
0:39:02 > 0:39:04- Oh, no, he's not a Focker. - Yeah, no, he's not mine.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07And still you stayed to raise her child?
0:39:07 > 0:39:08- Good for you.- >
0:39:08 > 0:39:09- JACK: - No, he's Pam's nephew.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12He has no connection to Greg whatsoever.
0:39:14 > 0:39:15SHE SPEAKS SPANISH
0:39:16 > 0:39:17I love you, too.
0:39:17 > 0:39:18Mama, mama.
0:39:18 > 0:39:20Oh, he wants milk.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22EVERYONE LAUGHS
0:39:22 > 0:39:23Little Jack, no. Those aren't for you.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26PAM: Dad...
0:39:28 > 0:39:30EVERYONE LAUGHS
0:39:30 > 0:39:33- Mom. - I think I'll take him inside.
0:39:33 > 0:39:34- JACK:- Good idea.
0:39:37 > 0:39:40You are a very lucky woman, Pam.
0:39:40 > 0:39:44- Oh. - He is very special, this one.
0:39:44 > 0:39:45I think so, too.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Ooh, I could tell you some stories about him.
0:39:47 > 0:39:48Really?
0:39:48 > 0:39:51Oh, she's just being silly.
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Uh, it was nice to meet you all.
0:39:53 > 0:39:54- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
0:39:54 > 0:39:57So sweet. Gosh. So sweet.
0:39:57 > 0:39:58Hmm.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01Hey, you guys want some more, er, wine?
0:40:01 > 0:40:04Mas vino por la mama, si.
0:40:05 > 0:40:06Hey.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08Hey, you did good, Gregorgio.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10She's very pretty, this one, huh?
0:40:10 > 0:40:12Yeah, she's, er... she's really great.
0:40:12 > 0:40:13- Really great.- I see.
0:40:13 > 0:40:18Can you believe it's been 15 years? Ay, Dios!
0:40:18 > 0:40:21So many wonderful memories from those days.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23Yes, yes, a lot of wonderful...
0:40:23 > 0:40:26kind of...private... memories.
0:40:26 > 0:40:30So you never told your fiancee about us, huh?
0:40:30 > 0:40:34Um, no, I don't think I did. I don't, er, think... I don't think it ever really came up on my end.
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Not that I didn't want her to know. I just... It just never really...
0:40:36 > 0:40:38- Ah, si. - Yeah, and not that I didn't...
0:40:38 > 0:40:39I mean, not that it wasn't great,
0:40:39 > 0:40:41and it was really, you know, for me, it was, like...
0:40:41 > 0:40:44And you were so... helpful, and-and...
0:40:44 > 0:40:47Hey, don't you worry, baby. Your secret's safe with me.
0:40:47 > 0:40:50OK. There's no secrets, but good, yeah.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52Maybe we keep it quiet this weekend, and then...
0:40:52 > 0:40:54Because, yeah, I don't want Pam to feel uncomfortable.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57And then later, when it's the proper, you know, setting, I can...
0:40:57 > 0:40:58OK, yeah. OK, good.
0:40:58 > 0:41:01And the... Good.
0:41:01 > 0:41:02Oh, and the fondue.
0:41:02 > 0:41:04Fondue is going... it's going over.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Gay, you're just in time to hear me tell the gang
0:41:06 > 0:41:08how you lost your virginity to Isabel.
0:41:11 > 0:41:14He was 19, a late bloomer.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16You s-s-slept with Isabel?
0:41:16 > 0:41:18We were relieved.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20Why...why would you... why-why would you bring that up?
0:41:20 > 0:41:22What's the problem? It was what, 15 years ago?
0:41:22 > 0:41:25Honey, your father thought that it would be fun
0:41:25 > 0:41:26to share stories about our first time.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29Really? That sounds like fun. That's...
0:41:29 > 0:41:31It's...fine.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Come on, tell us how you poppity-popped your cherry.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35- Come on. - I really don't feel comfortable
0:41:35 > 0:41:36discussing that with you, Bernard.
0:41:36 > 0:41:39You know what, I'm going to suggest that we get back to talking about the wedding.
0:41:39 > 0:41:40- Yeah.- OK?
0:41:40 > 0:41:41Thank you, Bernard.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43LJ CRIES What?
0:41:43 > 0:41:46Mom, didn't you just take Little Jack back to the room?
0:41:46 > 0:41:47- JACK:- I'm monitoring him from a high-powered
0:41:47 > 0:41:49multidirectional microphone planted in his crib.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52Oh, baby monitors, hidden cameras.
0:41:52 > 0:41:54Whatever happened to a little thing called privacy?
0:41:54 > 0:41:56Bernie, surveillance technology
0:41:56 > 0:41:59has helped protect a lot of the freedoms that we as Americans take advantage of today.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05He's...he's right. It has been good.
0:42:07 > 0:42:10Son, that is bull crap in a chef's salad.
0:42:10 > 0:42:13Jack, tell me one smart thing the CLIA has done,
0:42:13 > 0:42:15I will give you the deed to her house.
0:42:15 > 0:42:16The CLIA?
0:42:16 > 0:42:19The Central Lack of Intelligence Agency.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27LJ CONTINUES TO CRY
0:42:28 > 0:42:29I think that baby might need
0:42:29 > 0:42:32a couple of pulls on that knocker of yours, Jack.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Well, it's OK. We're Ferberizing him.
0:42:36 > 0:42:37- You what? - The Ferber method.
0:42:37 > 0:42:39You let him cry it out.
0:42:39 > 0:42:40This way, he doesn't depend on coddling.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43On the other hand, the continuum concept shows
0:42:43 > 0:42:47that a baby benefits more from constant physical contact.
0:42:47 > 0:42:48Oh...
0:42:48 > 0:42:50We use the Ferber method.
0:42:50 > 0:42:51We use the Focker method.
0:42:52 > 0:42:55We hugged and kissed that little prince like there was no tomorrow.
0:42:55 > 0:42:56We Fockerised him.
0:42:57 > 0:42:58- ROZ:- That's right.
0:42:58 > 0:43:01Greggy practically slept in our bed till he was ten.
0:43:01 > 0:43:02Oh, my gosh.
0:43:02 > 0:43:03Oh, I don't think it was quite that long.
0:43:03 > 0:43:04Yes, it was.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06Mm-mm. I wasn't ten.
0:43:06 > 0:43:07Nine and a half, at least.
0:43:07 > 0:43:09Mom, I don't think so.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11I didn't sleep in their bed till I was ten.
0:43:11 > 0:43:12Bernie, get the photo album.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14I'm one step ahead of you, my cutie.
0:43:14 > 0:43:15No, no, no. We're eating dinner.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17- PAM: - Oh, it's all right.
0:43:17 > 0:43:20These are the curls from his first trip to the barber shop.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23- Nobody wants to see this.- Oh, and you kept all his baby teeth.
0:43:23 > 0:43:24Yeah, show Jack.
0:43:24 > 0:43:27Look at this, all those little teeth. Isn't that sweet?
0:43:27 > 0:43:31- Uh-oh, somebody looks very grumpy there.- Oh, yeah.
0:43:31 > 0:43:32Oh, that's Gay with the Mohel.
0:43:32 > 0:43:33- The Mohel?- No.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36He's the man who snips the baby's little winky-dink.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39See, that's Greg getting circumcised right here.
0:43:39 > 0:43:41- BERNIE:- We had the ceremony at my parents' house,
0:43:41 > 0:43:43and it was a cold snap, and the heat comes... Tell it.
0:43:43 > 0:43:44- The heater conked out... - Mom... Mom...
0:43:44 > 0:43:46..so no matter how hard he tried,
0:43:46 > 0:43:50the Mohel couldn't coax Greggy's tiny little turtle from its shell.
0:43:50 > 0:43:51GREG: You know what? Let's not talk about the tiny turtle, OK?
0:43:51 > 0:43:53- It's OK. - No, look, this is dinner.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56Honey, half the people at this table have penises.
0:43:56 > 0:43:57Mom, control yourself.
0:43:57 > 0:43:58- Roz.- What?
0:43:58 > 0:44:00He's right. You're embarrassing him.
0:44:00 > 0:44:01OK. I'm sorry.
0:44:01 > 0:44:05To make a long story short, Jack, he wound up with a semi-circ.
0:44:05 > 0:44:07GIGGLING
0:44:07 > 0:44:08What's a semi-circ?
0:44:08 > 0:44:10I can't wait to hear this.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13What? It's a cross between a-an anteater and a...
0:44:13 > 0:44:14German army helmet.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16GIGGLING
0:44:16 > 0:44:18OK.
0:44:18 > 0:44:20But, honey, oh, mm-mm-mm.
0:44:20 > 0:44:22You wanted to talk about the wedding, right?
0:44:24 > 0:44:27Oh, don't tell me you kept his umbilical cord?
0:44:27 > 0:44:29Of course not. That's Greg's foreskin.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32All right, you know what? That's it. That's it.
0:44:32 > 0:44:33That's enough humiliation for one night.
0:44:33 > 0:44:34Come on, we were having fun.
0:44:34 > 0:44:35No, we're not having fun.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37- Why deny us our memories? - Because we're done!
0:44:37 > 0:44:38THEY SHOUT
0:44:39 > 0:44:41BUBBLING AND SIZZLING
0:44:42 > 0:44:44SHE LAUGHS
0:44:45 > 0:44:47Anyone in the mood for Chinese?
0:44:49 > 0:44:52You told me your first time was with a Danish transfer student in high school.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56Yeah, well, you weren't exactly forthcoming about your engagement with Kevin.
0:44:56 > 0:44:58Yeah, well, he wasn't my baby-sitter.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00OK, I should've told you, all right?
0:45:00 > 0:45:01Can we just let it go, please?
0:45:01 > 0:45:04We both got enough stuff to deal with this weekend.
0:45:08 > 0:45:09Oh, hi, Jack.
0:45:09 > 0:45:11Hello, Greg.
0:45:11 > 0:45:13Funny dinner, huh?
0:45:13 > 0:45:14How do you mean?
0:45:14 > 0:45:16I know that you're studying my family
0:45:16 > 0:45:17like the frozen caveman,
0:45:17 > 0:45:20so I just... I don't want you to be worried, OK?
0:45:20 > 0:45:22I mean, they're a little quirky,
0:45:22 > 0:45:24but they...they're really well-intentioned,
0:45:24 > 0:45:26and-and I think they were just nervous, and...
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Greg, I 'm sure tomorrow will be a better day.
0:45:28 > 0:45:30- BERNIE IN SOUTHERN ACCENT: - I'm sorry, ma'am.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32I thought you ordered room service.
0:45:32 > 0:45:35Are you sure you don't want any whipped cream with your sundae?
0:45:35 > 0:45:37- ROZ SQUEALS - Bern, stop it.
0:45:37 > 0:45:39Who's Bern? I'm Chad the bellhop.
0:45:39 > 0:45:41Oh, no, come on, we did that last week.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43Can't you be Sam the carpet-cleaning man?
0:45:43 > 0:45:45It's illogical - why would a carpet cleaner have whipped cream?
0:45:45 > 0:45:47Well, improvise, honey.
0:45:47 > 0:45:49Good evening, miss. I'm here to clean your carpet.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51ROZ GIGGLES AND SQUEALS, WHIPPED CREAM HISSES
0:45:51 > 0:45:54Do you mind if I put some foam down on your rug?
0:45:54 > 0:45:55I don't mind at all.
0:45:55 > 0:45:57- Good night, Greg. - OK, sleep well, Jack.
0:45:57 > 0:45:59- ROZ:- How-how long have you worked at this hotel?
0:45:59 > 0:46:02I always like to put some snow on your mountains. Come on.
0:46:02 > 0:46:05You're going to get some whipped cream on those Tetons.
0:46:05 > 0:46:06BERNIE AND ROZ LAUGH
0:46:06 > 0:46:09- Guys! ROZ:- Come back in the morning, Tootsie roll.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11- Guys! BERNIE:- Gay, you see the cowboy hat on the door?
0:46:11 > 0:46:13Cowboy hat is off the door.
0:46:13 > 0:46:14No cowboy hat this weekend.
0:46:14 > 0:46:15- I'm coming in, all right? - OK.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18So stop doing what you're doing. Look, I was...
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Oh, no...
0:46:20 > 0:46:22Come on, man, you know what that cowboy hat on the door means.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24Can you please help me out here?
0:46:24 > 0:46:26What? We're just being ourselves.
0:46:26 > 0:46:27Mom, cover. Mom, please?
0:46:27 > 0:46:28I think he's saying not to be ourselves.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30Yes, be yourselves, but be yourselves in a way
0:46:30 > 0:46:33that's a little less than being your full selves.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35- OK? All right? - I don't understand this, honey.
0:46:35 > 0:46:36Why are you so afraid of this Jack?
0:46:36 > 0:46:39You've been kissing his ass since you got here.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41Mom, I'm not afraid of him, OK. That's not true.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43- It is true.- I can't believe you went duck hunting with him.
0:46:43 > 0:46:45- Our people don't shoot ducks. - Do me a favour.
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Just make Jack feel a little more comfortable here, OK?
0:46:47 > 0:46:49So you don't want us to be ourselves.
0:46:49 > 0:46:50No, I just don't want you to break his RV, Dad,
0:46:50 > 0:46:53and-and-and-and reveal that I had sex with Isabel,
0:46:53 > 0:46:55and play weird sex games that everybody can hear in the house.
0:46:55 > 0:46:57Mom, cover. Mom, please?
0:46:57 > 0:46:59If you ask me, it wouldn't be so bad
0:46:59 > 0:47:00if your future in-laws heard this.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03Do me a favour. Just don't therapise the Byrneses
0:47:03 > 0:47:04this weekend at all, OK?
0:47:04 > 0:47:06All I'm saying is, a few minutes
0:47:06 > 0:47:07of concentrated work with him and Dina,
0:47:07 > 0:47:09she could get him to blow like Krakatoa.
0:47:09 > 0:47:13Right, OK, yeah. You know what? One day.
0:47:13 > 0:47:15Just give me one day, OK, without any complications.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17We get through it, everybody goes off,
0:47:17 > 0:47:19we go on with our lives - can we do that?
0:47:19 > 0:47:20- All right. - You got it, dude.
0:47:20 > 0:47:21Thank you. OK.
0:47:21 > 0:47:22- Hon? - Yeah.
0:47:22 > 0:47:24Put the hat back on the door, OK?
0:47:24 > 0:47:27No, Mom. No cowboy hat this weekend.
0:47:27 > 0:47:28OK, but tonight doesn't count.
0:47:28 > 0:47:30BERNIE IMITATES TRAIN WHISTLE, ROZ GIGGLES
0:47:30 > 0:47:31- All aboard! - Oh, my God, that tickles.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44Morning, partner.
0:47:46 > 0:47:47Good morning.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49You sleep OK?
0:47:49 > 0:47:52I slept all right, thank you.
0:47:58 > 0:48:00It's nice, all of us being here together, don't you think?
0:48:00 > 0:48:04Bernard, do you mind if I have some privacy?
0:48:04 > 0:48:07Almost done.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15Oh, Bernie, this frittata is wonderful.
0:48:15 > 0:48:16What's in it?
0:48:16 > 0:48:19Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet.
0:48:19 > 0:48:20I've never washed it.
0:48:20 > 0:48:21GREG: Hey, guys?
0:48:21 > 0:48:23Can I have everybody's attention, please?
0:48:23 > 0:48:24- Gay? - Yeah?
0:48:24 > 0:48:25Be back in a sec.
0:48:25 > 0:48:28OK, Dad? All right.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30- Um, so... Mom? - Yeah.
0:48:30 > 0:48:31I know we've been, er... we've been talking
0:48:31 > 0:48:33about having the, er, wedding
0:48:33 > 0:48:34- in October.- Right.
0:48:34 > 0:48:35But Pam and I have been doing a little thinking
0:48:35 > 0:48:37and playing around with some ideas,
0:48:37 > 0:48:39and, er, we're actually thinking of moving it up to June.
0:48:39 > 0:48:41- Nice.- This June?
0:48:41 > 0:48:42- Yeah. - Yeah.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45That's... That's in a month.
0:48:45 > 0:48:47I always wanted a spring wedding, you know?
0:48:47 > 0:48:48Well, that's great.
0:48:48 > 0:48:49So we can announce it at the party tonight.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52- Good idea. - Wait. What party?
0:48:52 > 0:48:54Jack...let's play football.
0:48:54 > 0:48:55Oh, your father and I are throwing
0:48:55 > 0:48:57a little engagement soiree
0:48:57 > 0:48:59for you two lovebirds.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01Would you.... Would you look at that punim?
0:49:01 > 0:49:03That's so sweet. Thank you, guys.
0:49:03 > 0:49:06No, I thought we were just having a nice, quiet dinner.
0:49:06 > 0:49:07It's supposed to be a surprise.
0:49:07 > 0:49:09The phone keeps ringing, the list keeps growing.
0:49:09 > 0:49:11Yeah, now it's up to 50 Fockers.
0:49:11 > 0:49:13When were you going to tell us about this?
0:49:14 > 0:49:1650 Fockers.
0:49:16 > 0:49:17What could be better?
0:49:17 > 0:49:20Dad, what are you doing? We never play football.
0:49:20 > 0:49:22I'm trying to cement relationships here.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24Jack said he was into footie-ball.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26Let's show El Stiffo how we play the game.
0:49:26 > 0:49:27"Footie-ball"?
0:49:27 > 0:49:29Come on, come on, let's play!
0:49:29 > 0:49:30You know, I'm feeling a little tired.
0:49:30 > 0:49:31I think I'm going to sit this out with Little Jack, OK?
0:49:31 > 0:49:33Oh, OK, honey, you want me to keep you company?
0:49:33 > 0:49:34No, Dina, come on!
0:49:34 > 0:49:36You and I'll take on Jack and Roz.
0:49:36 > 0:49:37Come on, Jack,
0:49:37 > 0:49:39it'll be fun - we'll swap wives.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43Don't worry. You'll get him back after the game.
0:49:43 > 0:49:44Fine, we'll play three-on-two,
0:49:44 > 0:49:46but someone needs to be official quarterback.
0:49:46 > 0:49:47Gay goes both ways.
0:49:47 > 0:49:49Oh, I bet he does.
0:49:51 > 0:49:53Hut one, hut two, hike!
0:49:54 > 0:49:57- Right here! - Cover.
0:50:00 > 0:50:01Whoo-hoo!
0:50:03 > 0:50:06CHEERING
0:50:07 > 0:50:10# You're dirty and sweet Oh, yeah... #
0:50:13 > 0:50:14Huddle up.
0:50:14 > 0:50:17I want it down and in. Draw in the defence.
0:50:17 > 0:50:19Then you'll hit Roz here in the end zone for a TD.
0:50:19 > 0:50:22What do you mean? He hits me where with a what with a...? Why?
0:50:22 > 0:50:23I'll throw the ball, you try to catch it, OK?
0:50:23 > 0:50:25You want me to catch that thing?
0:50:25 > 0:50:26- Yeah.- On two. Ready?
0:50:26 > 0:50:27Break.
0:50:27 > 0:50:28- Ah! - Hut one, hut two.
0:50:28 > 0:50:30Hike!
0:50:30 > 0:50:31Go, go, go.
0:50:31 > 0:50:34This way, this way!
0:50:34 > 0:50:35That way, that way, that way, that way!
0:50:35 > 0:50:37It's over, it's over.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39It's over.
0:50:39 > 0:50:40Your ass is mine! Come on!
0:50:40 > 0:50:42Remember that time in the park?
0:50:42 > 0:50:44Remember that time in the park?
0:50:44 > 0:50:45Guys, come on, come on, cut it out.
0:50:45 > 0:50:46I'm so proud of you!
0:50:46 > 0:50:49I caught the ball, honey.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51- Mom, come on. - I caught the ball.
0:50:51 > 0:50:52Come on, now, huddle up.
0:50:52 > 0:50:54Nah, I'm bored. Here.
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Dina, come on, let's go.
0:50:56 > 0:50:57You want a spritzer?
0:50:57 > 0:50:58What? Oh, a spritzer.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00That sounds yummy.
0:51:00 > 0:51:01All right, come on, Dad, you got to focus, all right?
0:51:01 > 0:51:02- Yeah. - He's beating you
0:51:02 > 0:51:03down the field every time.
0:51:03 > 0:51:04Yeah, you want me to be macho-wacho?
0:51:04 > 0:51:05No. What?
0:51:05 > 0:51:06Have I ever said the words
0:51:06 > 0:51:07"macho-wacho" to you ever in my life?
0:51:07 > 0:51:09- I got it. Gay? - All right, let's go.
0:51:09 > 0:51:10- What? - Gay, I won't disappoint you.
0:51:11 > 0:51:12OK, let's try it again.
0:51:12 > 0:51:13I want a stop and go.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15Fake the short pass,
0:51:15 > 0:51:16then hit me here in the end zone with a Hail Mary.
0:51:16 > 0:51:17- OK. - Got that?
0:51:17 > 0:51:18Yeah, I mean, we keep running that play.
0:51:18 > 0:51:20Maybe do you want to mix it up a little or...?
0:51:20 > 0:51:21No, I don't.
0:51:21 > 0:51:22I've exposed Bernie's weakness,
0:51:22 > 0:51:23and I want to take advantage of it.
0:51:23 > 0:51:26Exposed his weakness. OK, yeah, right. On four?
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Four.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41Just you and me, Jack, mano-a-mano.
0:51:42 > 0:51:44You think you can take me, flower man?
0:51:44 > 0:51:47Pretty sure I can, Mr Mom.
0:51:48 > 0:51:49You're going down, Byrnesie boy.
0:51:49 > 0:51:51I'm going to rearrange your bouquet.
0:51:53 > 0:51:55- WHISPERING: - Sell the pump-fake, Greg,
0:51:55 > 0:51:56cos now Focker's going to bite.
0:52:03 > 0:52:07THEY MOUTH
0:52:07 > 0:52:09Hut one, hut two,
0:52:09 > 0:52:10hut three,
0:52:10 > 0:52:12hut four, hike!
0:52:25 > 0:52:29YELLING
0:52:38 > 0:52:39- Oh, my God! - Oh, God!
0:52:39 > 0:52:40Oh!
0:52:41 > 0:52:43- Boo-yah! - Shit!
0:52:43 > 0:52:45Don't move, don't move, don't move.
0:52:45 > 0:52:48Hey, Jack, are you OK?
0:52:48 > 0:52:50I'm fine, Greg. Thank you.
0:52:50 > 0:52:51You know, I see that kind of injury
0:52:51 > 0:52:52all the time at the hospital.
0:52:52 > 0:52:54I wish you'd let me give you a quick exam.
0:52:54 > 0:52:56No, I'm, er... I'm fine.
0:52:56 > 0:52:59I told you, I'll have my doctor look at it when I get home.
0:53:00 > 0:53:01OK.
0:53:01 > 0:53:02You know, it's amazing
0:53:02 > 0:53:04how your father anticipated the pump-fake like that.
0:53:04 > 0:53:08It's almost like he... knew it was coming.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11Hmm, well, he definitely takes...
0:53:11 > 0:53:14competition seriously.
0:53:14 > 0:53:16How a man handles himself on the football field
0:53:16 > 0:53:18says a lot about his character.
0:53:18 > 0:53:19Know what I mean?
0:53:21 > 0:53:22OK.
0:53:26 > 0:53:27Hey.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29Hey. We got 'em, didn't we, dude? Huh?
0:53:29 > 0:53:30Was he impressed?
0:53:30 > 0:53:31No, Dad, he wasn't.
0:53:31 > 0:53:34That was a really hard shot. You could have hurt him.
0:53:34 > 0:53:36I just wanted it to be a fun game,
0:53:36 > 0:53:38but you wanted to win, so, you know,
0:53:38 > 0:53:39you got me all steamed up.
0:53:39 > 0:53:41No, I asked you to play a little defence.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43I didn't ask you to turn it into a blood sport.
0:53:43 > 0:53:45I play too easy, I play too hard.
0:53:45 > 0:53:48What are you really asking me to do, Gaylord?
0:53:48 > 0:53:50I'm not asking anything of you, Dad. Just go down there
0:53:50 > 0:53:53and apologise to him, OK? He thinks it was a cheap shot.
0:53:53 > 0:53:54Sure. OK. Whatever you say.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56OK.
0:53:57 > 0:53:59I can't win with this kid. I can't.
0:53:59 > 0:54:00Honey, it's OK.
0:54:00 > 0:54:02I can't.
0:54:02 > 0:54:03- Hi, baby.- Hey.
0:54:03 > 0:54:04So...
0:54:04 > 0:54:05Hmm?
0:54:05 > 0:54:08How far along is Pam?
0:54:08 > 0:54:09What?
0:54:09 > 0:54:11Come on, honey. I knew it the minute I saw her.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13Her boobs are bigger. She's hormonal.
0:54:13 > 0:54:14No wine at dinner. No football.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16She just found out yesterday.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18What...?
0:54:18 > 0:54:21Honey. My Bubeleh's going to have a baby.
0:54:21 > 0:54:22Thank you.
0:54:22 > 0:54:23My Bubeleh's going to be a father.
0:54:23 > 0:54:24- Oh, my God!- Ah...
0:54:24 > 0:54:26Tell me, talk to me.
0:54:26 > 0:54:27- This is so exciting.- All right.
0:54:27 > 0:54:28- Shh, shh, shh... - Talk to me.- What, "Shh"?
0:54:28 > 0:54:30No, you didn't tell Dad, did you?
0:54:30 > 0:54:31No, not yet. He's gonna plotz.
0:54:31 > 0:54:32No, no, Mom, you can't tell him.
0:54:32 > 0:54:33Why not?
0:54:33 > 0:54:35Because he can't keep a secret.
0:54:35 > 0:54:37You know that. You think Jack knows?
0:54:37 > 0:54:39Are you kidding? That guy is in such denial,
0:54:39 > 0:54:40he thinks his daughter's still a virgin.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42Yeah, I know. He's very old-fashioned.
0:54:42 > 0:54:44That's why Pam doesn't want to tell him till after the wedding.
0:54:44 > 0:54:45That is ridiculous.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47Mom, it isn't, believe me. You don't know him like I do.
0:54:47 > 0:54:49Fine, my lips are sealed.
0:54:49 > 0:54:51I am so excited and thrilled for you!
0:54:51 > 0:54:53MUTTERS, SQUEALS
0:54:53 > 0:54:54I'm so happy for you two.
0:54:54 > 0:54:56Ooh, did you plan this?
0:54:56 > 0:54:58Uh, no, it just sort of happened.
0:54:58 > 0:54:59How did it happen?
0:54:59 > 0:55:01How? It just happened, you know.
0:55:01 > 0:55:02You know how it happens.
0:55:02 > 0:55:05I mean, I'm not going to go into details, come on.
0:55:05 > 0:55:06But honey, I love details.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08- Sorry. - Just...
0:55:08 > 0:55:10All right, all right, all right, OK.
0:55:10 > 0:55:13Well, you know, honey, many unplanned pregnancies happen
0:55:13 > 0:55:15because the man is such a sexual dynamo.
0:55:15 > 0:55:18And the woman craves his sperm on an unconscious
0:55:18 > 0:55:19but very powerful level.
0:55:19 > 0:55:22Mm-hmm. Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having
0:55:22 > 0:55:24this conversation with you.
0:55:24 > 0:55:25- No? - No.
0:55:25 > 0:55:27I've been telling you that since I was 11.
0:55:27 > 0:55:28All right. Love you.
0:55:28 > 0:55:30Love you, too.
0:55:30 > 0:55:32Uh, Jack, what say you and me go into town?
0:55:32 > 0:55:33I got a guy who can fix
0:55:33 > 0:55:35- your RV. - Oh!
0:55:35 > 0:55:38I'm in far too much physical agony, Bernie.
0:55:38 > 0:55:39Gee, I'm sorry, but it'll be good for you,
0:55:39 > 0:55:41you know, to, you know, get out and about.
0:55:41 > 0:55:42- ROZ:- Yeah, perfect!
0:55:42 > 0:55:43I can take the girls shopping
0:55:43 > 0:55:45in Coconut Grove, and...
0:55:45 > 0:55:48Little Jack is on a very specific napping schedule.
0:55:48 > 0:55:49I'd better stay here.
0:55:49 > 0:55:51- ROZ:- No! Go!
0:55:51 > 0:55:52Greg can watch him.
0:55:52 > 0:55:53- Yeah, sure. - He has wonderful
0:55:53 > 0:55:55parental instincts.
0:55:55 > 0:55:58- Dad, Greg deals with little kids in the ER all the time. - That's right.
0:55:58 > 0:56:00It's true. They don't call me Barry Poppins for nothin'.
0:56:00 > 0:56:03LAUGHING That's funny... Cute!
0:56:03 > 0:56:05Why would someone call you Barry Poppins?
0:56:05 > 0:56:06GROWLS
0:56:07 > 0:56:10They wouldn't.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34SQUEAKING ON GLASS
0:56:34 > 0:56:37Now remember, Greg, we're Ferberising him,
0:56:37 > 0:56:40so unless it's an emergency, under no circumstances
0:56:40 > 0:56:42should you pick him up or coddle him
0:56:42 > 0:56:43in any way, when he cries.
0:56:43 > 0:56:44Mm-hmm, OK.
0:56:44 > 0:56:45He's learning to self-soothe.
0:56:45 > 0:56:47- Mm-hmm. - That means no television,
0:56:47 > 0:56:49no unapproved toys and most of all,
0:56:49 > 0:56:51no monkey business of any kind. Is that clear?
0:56:51 > 0:56:53- Mm-hmm. No monkey business. - OK.
0:56:53 > 0:56:56Jack, shall we get a move on, pal-o-mine-o?
0:56:56 > 0:56:57I'm ready.
0:57:07 > 0:57:09I love this, Roz. This is a great find.
0:57:09 > 0:57:11Oh, good! And it's loose.
0:57:11 > 0:57:14So you can wear it even if you gain a few pounds.
0:57:15 > 0:57:17Isn't that lovely?
0:57:17 > 0:57:20Oh, honey, are you all right? You look a little flushed.
0:57:20 > 0:57:23Oh, it's just the heat. It takes some getting used to.
0:57:23 > 0:57:24I'm fine. I'm gonna try this on.
0:57:24 > 0:57:26Thank you, Roz.
0:57:26 > 0:57:27And now, madame,
0:57:27 > 0:57:30let's find something sexy for the mama to wear.
0:57:30 > 0:57:32- Look at this little number. - Whoa!
0:57:32 > 0:57:34I think this'll get Jack's blood flowing.
0:57:34 > 0:57:36CHUCKLES Jack would have a coronary.
0:57:36 > 0:57:38I thought so.
0:57:38 > 0:57:41Oh, Dina, talk to me.
0:57:41 > 0:57:44What's really going on with that man?
0:57:44 > 0:57:46He seems very uptight.
0:57:46 > 0:57:48Jack's always been a little wound up.
0:57:48 > 0:57:50His job was very stressful.
0:57:50 > 0:57:52Being a florist is stressful?
0:57:52 > 0:57:54There's more to it than people think.
0:57:54 > 0:57:55Uh-huh...
0:57:55 > 0:57:58If you don't mind me asking, how's your sex life?
0:57:58 > 0:58:00LAUGHS
0:58:00 > 0:58:01I can't tell you that!
0:58:01 > 0:58:03What's the big deal? I'm a professional.
0:58:03 > 0:58:04Dina, I'm a sex therapist
0:58:04 > 0:58:07specialising in senior sexuality.
0:58:07 > 0:58:09I knew those weren't yoga mats.
0:58:09 > 0:58:11- LAUGHS - No.
0:58:11 > 0:58:14Well, we're not 25 any more.
0:58:14 > 0:58:16Well, you're not dead, either.
0:58:16 > 0:58:19Lots of couples our age lack intimacy in their marriages.
0:58:19 > 0:58:21Well, I didn't say we weren't intimate.
0:58:21 > 0:58:25There are special occasions - you know, anniversaries, and...
0:58:25 > 0:58:26Well, on our anniversary.
0:58:26 > 0:58:27Ay, ay, ay! Narrishkeit.
0:58:27 > 0:58:28I beg your pardon?
0:58:28 > 0:58:29Not good.
0:58:29 > 0:58:32I think that I can help you and Jack reconnect.
0:58:32 > 0:58:33How?
0:58:33 > 0:58:38Well, it all starts with a little bit of, um...
0:58:38 > 0:58:41how shall I say... intimate contact.
0:58:41 > 0:58:42- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
0:58:42 > 0:58:43Wow, that tingles.
0:58:43 > 0:58:45Every pleasure in the body...
0:58:45 > 0:58:46SIGHS
0:58:46 > 0:58:49...can be stimulated through the ears.
0:58:49 > 0:58:52I would give it a shot with Jack tonight.
0:58:52 > 0:58:53What's going on over here?
0:58:53 > 0:58:56Nothing. Just having some girl talk.
0:58:56 > 0:58:57Roz.
0:58:57 > 0:59:01LITTLE JACK CRYING
0:59:04 > 0:59:06SIGHS
0:59:06 > 0:59:09CRYING CONTINUES
0:59:18 > 0:59:20CRYING CONTINUES
0:59:25 > 0:59:26OK, here's the deal, LJ.
0:59:26 > 0:59:29I'm gonna give you a few minutes of attention,
0:59:29 > 0:59:31but you have to promise that you don't tell
0:59:31 > 0:59:32Grandpa Jack anything, OK?
0:59:32 > 0:59:34All right. Good.
0:59:34 > 0:59:36CRIES
0:59:36 > 0:59:38OK, I don't quite know what that means,
0:59:38 > 0:59:40but I'm gonna trust you.
0:59:40 > 0:59:41CRIES
0:59:41 > 0:59:43All right, here we go.
0:59:43 > 0:59:44Oh! OK, OK.
0:59:44 > 0:59:45It's OK.
0:59:45 > 0:59:47Oh!
0:59:47 > 0:59:50A little huggy-wuggy never hurt anybody.
0:59:50 > 0:59:53WHIMPERING
0:59:58 > 1:00:00I know we're not supposed to watch TV,
1:00:00 > 1:00:02but we won't tell Grandpa Jack, will we?
1:00:02 > 1:00:05Oh, look! Look! It's Elmo!
1:00:05 > 1:00:07Do you like fishes?
1:00:07 > 1:00:09You don't like fishes?
1:00:09 > 1:00:10No? All right.
1:00:10 > 1:00:12All right.
1:00:12 > 1:00:15OK. OK. CRYING
1:00:15 > 1:00:16SIGHS God.
1:00:16 > 1:00:19RHYTHMIC SQUEAKING
1:00:19 > 1:00:22PANTING
1:00:22 > 1:00:23Hey, I got an idea.
1:00:23 > 1:00:25Let's see what pre-approved
1:00:25 > 1:00:29genius toys Grandpa Jack has in his big basket of fun, hmm?
1:00:29 > 1:00:31Oh, look! Look!
1:00:31 > 1:00:33It's a...it's a...an abacus.
1:00:33 > 1:00:36Abacuses aren't that much fun, are they?
1:00:36 > 1:00:37I don't know why
1:00:37 > 1:00:38people think they're fun.
1:00:38 > 1:00:39Look at this.
1:00:39 > 1:00:42Look, it's, it's... bolts on a plank. Hmm!
1:00:42 > 1:00:44CRIES Fun bolts.
1:00:44 > 1:00:46No, not very fun.
1:00:46 > 1:00:48Hey! Ah...
1:00:48 > 1:00:49CRYING CONTINUES
1:00:49 > 1:00:50A little birdie.
1:00:50 > 1:00:53Look, he sings. Oh!
1:00:53 > 1:00:56# And if that mockingbird don't sing
1:00:56 > 1:00:59# Then Greg is gonna buy you a diamond ring
1:00:59 > 1:01:04# And if that diamond ring gets sold
1:01:04 > 1:01:08# Greg's gonna feel like a...big asshole. #
1:01:09 > 1:01:12Ass...hoooole.
1:01:12 > 1:01:14No, no, no. You don't want to say that word, though.
1:01:14 > 1:01:16We don't want to say that word, cos that's a bad word.
1:01:16 > 1:01:18Ass...hooole.
1:01:18 > 1:01:19No, no, no.
1:01:22 > 1:01:24I thought this was a repair shop.
1:01:24 > 1:01:27Oh, this is better. That's Isabel's son, Jorge.
1:01:27 > 1:01:2915 years old, he can fix anything.
1:01:29 > 1:01:31Hey, Bernie! Oye, mi amigo, como estas?
1:01:31 > 1:01:33Yo, Georgie-boy!
1:01:33 > 1:01:36So, er, I think you've got a tear in the bilateral valve.
1:01:36 > 1:01:3815, huh?
1:01:38 > 1:01:39- Genius. - Ah.
1:01:39 > 1:01:41- WOMAN:- Hola, ninos.
1:01:41 > 1:01:42Jorge, what did I tell you?
1:01:42 > 1:01:45No more tinkering until you finish your science homework.
1:01:45 > 1:01:49Oh! Er... I was gonna finish it,
1:01:49 > 1:01:53but, er, Mr Gerson is out with, er, rickets.
1:01:53 > 1:01:56He said definitely don't do it until his rickets are cured,
1:01:56 > 1:01:58and, you know, I-I really, really...
1:01:58 > 1:01:59Ay, dios mio, who knows
1:01:59 > 1:02:02if he's ever telling the truth?
1:02:02 > 1:02:03Bernie?
1:02:03 > 1:02:04Si?
1:02:04 > 1:02:05I made Chimichangas. You guys want?
1:02:05 > 1:02:06Ooh!
1:02:06 > 1:02:07Oh, have you ever known me
1:02:07 > 1:02:09to turn down a Chimi?
1:02:09 > 1:02:11Jack, you in the mood, amigo?
1:02:11 > 1:02:13No, thanks.
1:02:15 > 1:02:18Why are you looking at me funny? I-I-I said...
1:02:18 > 1:02:21Oh, no, no, you just look like somebody I know.
1:02:23 > 1:02:25No, no, no, no. Tadpole. Tadpole.
1:02:25 > 1:02:26Can you say "tadpole"?
1:02:26 > 1:02:27"Mad roll", don't say...
1:02:27 > 1:02:29Ass...hooole.
1:02:29 > 1:02:32No, "Jack's mole". Cos Jack has a big mole on his face.
1:02:32 > 1:02:34Is your father a mechanic?
1:02:34 > 1:02:35Oh, I don't know. I never met him.
1:02:35 > 1:02:37Never met your dad, huh?
1:02:37 > 1:02:41Well, that's unfortunate. But very interesting.
1:02:41 > 1:02:42You mind if I take a picture of you?
1:02:42 > 1:02:44You know, just for fun.
1:02:44 > 1:02:45OK.
1:02:45 > 1:02:48SHUTTER CLICKS REPEATEDLY
1:02:49 > 1:02:52# Mr Moose likes to say good words
1:02:52 > 1:02:54# He doesn't like you to say
1:02:54 > 1:02:55# Bad words. #
1:02:55 > 1:02:56Ass...hooole.
1:02:56 > 1:02:57PHONE RINGS
1:02:57 > 1:02:59OK, just hang on a second there.
1:02:59 > 1:03:00CRIES
1:03:00 > 1:03:02Ass...hooole.
1:03:02 > 1:03:04CRYING CONTINUES
1:03:04 > 1:03:05Yeah, hello?
1:03:05 > 1:03:07Hi, it's me. How's it going with the little one?
1:03:07 > 1:03:09Horribly. He's crying and screaming...
1:03:09 > 1:03:10Ass...hoooole!
1:03:10 > 1:03:11..and cursing.
1:03:11 > 1:03:14- ROZ:- That poor kid is desperate for human contact.
1:03:14 > 1:03:15Honey, you need to hold him
1:03:15 > 1:03:17and kiss him. Do whatever it takes.
1:03:17 > 1:03:20I've been hugging him in secret. Feeding him chocolates, too.
1:03:20 > 1:03:22ELMO: Some baby animals live at the zoo.
1:03:22 > 1:03:24And you know how Elmo knows this?
1:03:24 > 1:03:26Well, his friend visited
1:03:26 > 1:03:29a zoo and told Elmo all about it.
1:03:29 > 1:03:31All animals have babies.
1:03:31 > 1:03:32ENGINE ROARING
1:03:32 > 1:03:33LAUGHS
1:03:33 > 1:03:35CARS CRASHING
1:03:35 > 1:03:37Say hello to my little friend.
1:03:38 > 1:03:40COOING
1:03:40 > 1:03:42You know, he's probably teething,
1:03:42 > 1:03:45so put a dab of rum in his milk and it'll ease the pain.
1:03:45 > 1:03:46And he'll go right off to sleep.
1:03:46 > 1:03:47You want me to give him a drink?
1:03:47 > 1:03:49I'm talking less than a thimbleful.
1:03:49 > 1:03:52You don't want Jack coming home to a screaming baby.
1:03:52 > 1:03:54SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS
1:03:54 > 1:03:55COOING
1:04:00 > 1:04:03Listen to your mother. Goodbye. I love you.
1:04:03 > 1:04:05All right, Mom... DIAL TONE
1:04:11 > 1:04:15Hey, Little Jack, I got a surprise for you!
1:04:16 > 1:04:18Little Jack?
1:04:19 > 1:04:21Mr Moose is looking for you.
1:04:21 > 1:04:23Oh, shit. MEOWING
1:04:23 > 1:04:24Where the hell did he go?
1:04:24 > 1:04:26LJ!
1:04:26 > 1:04:27Little Jack!
1:04:27 > 1:04:28MEOWING, BARKING
1:04:30 > 1:04:34LJ? Little Jack, where are you?
1:04:34 > 1:04:35LAUGHING
1:04:35 > 1:04:38Does that Jorge resemble anyone you know?
1:04:38 > 1:04:39No-one I know.
1:04:39 > 1:04:41Hmm.
1:04:41 > 1:04:43- GUNFIRE ON TV - Whoa.
1:04:43 > 1:04:45COOING
1:04:50 > 1:04:52There's something you don't see every day.
1:04:52 > 1:04:53PANTING
1:04:53 > 1:04:54Focker!
1:04:54 > 1:04:56- Focker! - Uh-oh.
1:04:56 > 1:04:58OK, I know this looks bad, but I can explain.
1:04:58 > 1:05:00What the hell happened? I said no monkey business.
1:05:00 > 1:05:01No, there was no monkey business.
1:05:01 > 1:05:03No monkey business? You're wearing my breast,
1:05:03 > 1:05:06Little Jack is drinking, Moses is sodomising Jinx,
1:05:06 > 1:05:08and you're telling me there's no monkey business?!
1:05:08 > 1:05:10- What is going on here?! - Hello! We're home!
1:05:10 > 1:05:12- You all right, LJ? - Hey, guys.
1:05:12 > 1:05:13- Give me the bottle. - Oh, my God.
1:05:13 > 1:05:14- Give me the bottle. - What happened to Little Jack?
1:05:14 > 1:05:16Looks like his hands are stuck to that bottle of rum.
1:05:16 > 1:05:18- Thank you, Dad. - You bet they're stuck!
1:05:18 > 1:05:20- Greg?- What? - How did this happen?
1:05:20 > 1:05:21And why are you wearing antlers?
1:05:21 > 1:05:23It's very complicated.
1:05:23 > 1:05:25It's just a little glue. He's fine.
1:05:25 > 1:05:26He's not fine! If he had the use
1:05:26 > 1:05:28of his hands, he'd tell you that himself.
1:05:28 > 1:05:29All right, that's right.
1:05:29 > 1:05:30Come on, OK, OK.
1:05:30 > 1:05:32Oh, Little Jack. Honey, are you OK?
1:05:32 > 1:05:33Greg...?
1:05:33 > 1:05:34- Dina, Pam? - Yes, Dad.
1:05:34 > 1:05:36Uh, coming. Little Jack?
1:05:36 > 1:05:39Honey, I said a thimble, not a bottle.
1:05:43 > 1:05:44Oh, Greg.
1:05:44 > 1:05:47Hey. How's the little guy doing?
1:05:47 > 1:05:49Everything is just as good as new.
1:05:49 > 1:05:50Yeah?
1:05:50 > 1:05:52Dad, come on.
1:05:59 > 1:06:01- ROZ:- Is he all right?
1:06:01 > 1:06:02He's asleep. OK.
1:06:02 > 1:06:04I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins.
1:06:04 > 1:06:06You are completely unfit to handle a child.
1:06:06 > 1:06:07- It was Barry Poppins. - What kind
1:06:07 > 1:06:09of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?
1:06:09 > 1:06:10Jack, the baby is teething.
1:06:10 > 1:06:12I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.
1:06:12 > 1:06:14- It was your idea?- Yes.
1:06:14 > 1:06:15What is wrong with you people?
1:06:15 > 1:06:17- Oh, darling... - You people?!
1:06:17 > 1:06:18I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.
1:06:18 > 1:06:20Yeah, and look what happened to him!
1:06:20 > 1:06:22Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?
1:06:22 > 1:06:24Jack, he was screaming, so I went in and I gave him
1:06:24 > 1:06:25- a little attention, OK? - He's learning
1:06:25 > 1:06:27to self-soothe. These setbacks
1:06:27 > 1:06:28are disastrous for his development!
1:06:28 > 1:06:30- Don't exaggerate, Daddy. - Lighten up!
1:06:30 > 1:06:31The child is adorable, but you're not
1:06:31 > 1:06:32raising Little Buddha over here.
1:06:32 > 1:06:33- Mom? - What are you saying?
1:06:33 > 1:06:35I'm saying that I've seen that kid eat
1:06:35 > 1:06:37at least 15 boogers since he's been here.
1:06:37 > 1:06:39And I've got news for you, Jack -
1:06:39 > 1:06:41prodigies don't eat their own boogers.
1:06:41 > 1:06:42And I have news for you - prodigies don't
1:06:42 > 1:06:44come in tenth place every time, either.
1:06:44 > 1:06:45- OK, Dad, you went too far. - Uh, I'm sorry.
1:06:45 > 1:06:47- That's my fiance. - I have never seen
1:06:47 > 1:06:48people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.
1:06:48 > 1:06:50Why? Because we love our son?
1:06:50 > 1:06:51We hug our son?
1:06:51 > 1:06:53Let's get down to it. The truth is,
1:06:53 > 1:06:56you are so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think
1:06:56 > 1:06:59that it's the Little Jack in you who's crying out for a hug.
1:07:00 > 1:07:02The Little Jack in me?
1:07:02 > 1:07:05Jack, you have issues.
1:07:05 > 1:07:07I'm trying to understand why you run around
1:07:07 > 1:07:08with a rubber boob strapped to your chest.
1:07:08 > 1:07:10I mean, were you ever breast-fed?
1:07:10 > 1:07:11- Mom, stop. - Key question.
1:07:11 > 1:07:13My guess is no.
1:07:13 > 1:07:14Would you spare me the drugstore psychology?
1:07:14 > 1:07:15I mean, it all comes down to that.
1:07:15 > 1:07:16Everybody, all right?
1:07:16 > 1:07:18Everybody just...
1:07:18 > 1:07:19Everybody just stop!
1:07:19 > 1:07:21OK?!
1:07:21 > 1:07:23Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes.
1:07:23 > 1:07:24Little Jack wouldn't stop crying,
1:07:24 > 1:07:25so I gave him some hugs
1:07:25 > 1:07:26and I let him watch TV.
1:07:26 > 1:07:29I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second.
1:07:29 > 1:07:31I came back in, he'd let himself out of the playpen.
1:07:31 > 1:07:32He'd put on Scarface
1:07:32 > 1:07:34and he glued his hands to the rum bottle.
1:07:34 > 1:07:35OK?
1:07:37 > 1:07:39- That's it. - Oh, that's it.
1:07:39 > 1:07:42Greg just said "that's it", so I feel much better now.
1:07:42 > 1:07:43Daddy, would you mind...
1:07:43 > 1:07:45DINA: Now, hold on. He gave an explanation.
1:07:45 > 1:07:46- PAM: - OK, let it go.
1:07:46 > 1:07:48Little Jack is fine, Greg. He's asleep.
1:07:48 > 1:07:50- LITTLE JACK ON MONITOR: - ..oooh.
1:07:50 > 1:07:52He spoke.
1:07:52 > 1:07:55- LITTLE JACK: - Ass...hooole.
1:07:55 > 1:07:56What?
1:07:57 > 1:07:58I don't know. Come on, let's go.
1:07:58 > 1:07:59- Did he say what I thought he said? - I think he said it.
1:08:00 > 1:08:03Little Jack, what did you just say?
1:08:03 > 1:08:06Ass...hooole.
1:08:09 > 1:08:11His first word?
1:08:15 > 1:08:17It just slipped out of my mouth.
1:08:17 > 1:08:18He has a mind like a sponge.
1:08:18 > 1:08:19That's enough.
1:08:19 > 1:08:21I'm calling a family conference.
1:08:21 > 1:08:22That's a great idea, Jack.
1:08:22 > 1:08:25Let's finally get your problems out on the table.
1:08:25 > 1:08:26No, no, I mean, with my own family.
1:08:26 > 1:08:27Would you excuse us?
1:08:27 > 1:08:28I'd like to talk to Pam and Dina in private.
1:08:28 > 1:08:31Of course, of course. Take your time.
1:08:31 > 1:08:37Come on, honey.
1:08:35 > 1:08:37I'm not so sure
1:08:37 > 1:08:38this wedding is such a good idea.
1:08:38 > 1:08:39To say the least, I don't like
1:08:39 > 1:08:41what I've seen from these Fockers.
1:08:41 > 1:08:42What?
1:08:42 > 1:08:44Has Greg ever mentioned the name Jorge to you?
1:08:44 > 1:08:45Jor... I don't know what you're talking about.
1:08:45 > 1:08:46No. Why?
1:08:46 > 1:08:48Because I think your fiance may have
1:08:48 > 1:08:49a few skeletons in his closet
1:08:49 > 1:08:51that he's not telling you about.
1:08:51 > 1:08:53And skeletons don't like living in closets.
1:08:53 > 1:08:54Oh, my God. Here we go again.
1:08:54 > 1:08:55Dad, listen, you know,
1:08:55 > 1:08:58Greg has no skeletons, OK? And listen to me, the wedding...
1:08:58 > 1:08:59- Oh, really? - He does not. - You know that?
1:08:59 > 1:09:00- Yes, I know that. - I see.
1:09:00 > 1:09:02- Will you just... - She knows. - I'm not a child!
1:09:02 > 1:09:03- Jack. - This wedding is going
1:09:03 > 1:09:05to happen and the sooner you start accepting that,
1:09:05 > 1:09:07the better it's going to be for all of us.
1:09:07 > 1:09:09I can't talk to you!
1:09:09 > 1:09:11Now, wait a second, sweetheart.
1:09:11 > 1:09:15And I'm not so sure Roz is a yoga instructor, either.
1:09:15 > 1:09:17Jack, you promised that you would behave yourself.
1:09:17 > 1:09:20And what you said to those people was really hurtful.
1:09:20 > 1:09:23I think you should go up there and apologise.
1:09:23 > 1:09:24I'm not going to apologise to them.
1:09:25 > 1:09:27Jack.
1:09:30 > 1:09:32A little birdie
1:09:32 > 1:09:35told me that somebody's going to be a daddy.
1:09:35 > 1:09:37- Mom! - I'm sorry, honey, but look at that face.
1:09:37 > 1:09:39How could I keep it a secret?
1:09:39 > 1:09:41He's so excited about being a grandpa.
1:09:41 > 1:09:42What should he call me?
1:09:42 > 1:09:44How 'bout Poppity-pop? Pop-a-doodle-do.
1:09:44 > 1:09:45OK, OK. Look, look, look.
1:09:45 > 1:09:46We don't have to have champagne, OK?
1:09:46 > 1:09:48- Why? - Jack's really angry.
1:09:48 > 1:09:49I know, he's mad.
1:09:49 > 1:09:50He's also a little bit meshuggener.
1:09:50 > 1:09:51Come on, honey.
1:09:51 > 1:09:53How often do we get to be grandparents?
1:09:53 > 1:09:54We are having a toast.
1:09:54 > 1:09:55OK, fine. But Dad, this is a secret.
1:09:55 > 1:09:57We can't tell Jack till after we're married.
1:09:57 > 1:09:59Why? We're honest people.
1:09:59 > 1:10:01No! I can't stand this secrecy any more!
1:10:01 > 1:10:03- Please be quiet. - Why must we diminish
1:10:03 > 1:10:05our joy just because they live in denial?!
1:10:05 > 1:10:06- Shush! - Shush!
1:10:06 > 1:10:08- Seriously. - Shush, shush, shush!
1:10:11 > 1:10:13I promised Pam, OK?
1:10:13 > 1:10:15She thinks it'll break his heart if he finds out.
1:10:15 > 1:10:16I'm not going to take a drink.
1:10:16 > 1:10:17- ROZ:- Your father's right, OK?
1:10:17 > 1:10:19This is the 21st century.
1:10:19 > 1:10:21Married, not married - there's no shame in fatherhood.
1:10:21 > 1:10:23This is the fruit of your loins!
1:10:23 > 1:10:25- BERNIE:- That is so beautiful. Say that to him again.
1:10:25 > 1:10:27- ROZ:- "This is the fruit of your loins"?
1:10:27 > 1:10:28- BERNIE:- Yes.
1:10:28 > 1:10:30This is the fruit of your loins!
1:10:30 > 1:10:31- BERNIE:- OK, let's toast.
1:10:31 > 1:10:32And let's make a sandwich.
1:10:32 > 1:10:34And Mom wants to be the cheese.
1:10:34 > 1:10:35Jack Byrnes,
1:10:35 > 1:10:37- what are you doing? - Ow!
1:10:37 > 1:10:38Oh...
1:10:38 > 1:10:39What did you do?
1:10:41 > 1:10:42You OK there, Jacko?
1:10:42 > 1:10:43What's the matter? What happened?
1:10:43 > 1:10:45Uh, er...
1:10:45 > 1:10:49I was, er, coming to apologise and my back went into spasm.
1:10:49 > 1:10:51It's very tender from the horrific football accident.
1:10:51 > 1:10:53I feel it.
1:10:53 > 1:10:54My god, you're knotted like a pretzel.
1:10:54 > 1:10:56You must be in a lot of pain, huh?
1:10:56 > 1:10:58I don't mind pain. I learn from pain.
1:10:58 > 1:11:00Pain schmain. My fingers are magic.
1:11:00 > 1:11:01Come on, let me work out the kinks.
1:11:01 > 1:11:04Oh, yeah, that's a lovely offer, Jack.
1:11:04 > 1:11:06No, thanks. I'll be fine. Really.
1:11:06 > 1:11:09My wife does wonderful body work, Jack.
1:11:09 > 1:11:10I don't think he needs it.
1:11:10 > 1:11:12MEDITATION MUSIC PLAYS
1:11:15 > 1:11:16OK, handsome,
1:11:16 > 1:11:17shirt off.
1:11:17 > 1:11:19I'd rather have it on. Thank you.
1:11:19 > 1:11:20Oh, no dice. No, no, no.
1:11:20 > 1:11:22It has to come off.
1:11:22 > 1:11:23Aha! Lovely.
1:11:23 > 1:11:26You know, most back pain
1:11:26 > 1:11:28is psychological.
1:11:28 > 1:11:30We carry our emotional baggage
1:11:30 > 1:11:33right here in our muscles.
1:11:33 > 1:11:36I've been watching you, Jack.
1:11:36 > 1:11:38Studying your body language.
1:11:38 > 1:11:40And you're a very sensual man.
1:11:40 > 1:11:42But I'm not sure
1:11:42 > 1:11:43you realise that.
1:11:43 > 1:11:44What are you doing?
1:11:44 > 1:11:47It's a technique I learned in Hawaii.
1:11:47 > 1:11:49It's a lomi-lomi massage,
1:11:49 > 1:11:53named after the gentle waves of the Polynesian sea.
1:11:53 > 1:11:54The waves go in
1:11:54 > 1:11:56and the waves go out.
1:11:56 > 1:11:58The waves go in....
1:12:00 > 1:12:02Whoops. Hit some driftwood.
1:12:04 > 1:12:07Jack Byrnes, you are a caged lion.
1:12:07 > 1:12:09But lions can't be captives
1:12:09 > 1:12:10their entire lives.
1:12:10 > 1:12:11They have to be free
1:12:11 > 1:12:14to roam the bush - free and wild.
1:12:14 > 1:12:17Your wife is a hot, sexy tigress.
1:12:17 > 1:12:19And she's waiting for you to pounce on her.
1:12:19 > 1:12:20Let me hear you roar, baby!
1:12:20 > 1:12:21Roar!
1:12:21 > 1:12:22GROANS
1:12:22 > 1:12:23Your body is talking to me.
1:12:23 > 1:12:25It's hungry for action. I can feel it.
1:12:25 > 1:12:28Unleash the beast inside you, Jack...
1:12:28 > 1:12:29Mom, stop it! You're hurting him!
1:12:29 > 1:12:31I am not hurting him.
1:12:31 > 1:12:32I am helping him!
1:12:32 > 1:12:34- Just don't...don't. - Here you go, Jack.
1:12:34 > 1:12:35I don't think you should move just yet.
1:12:35 > 1:12:38Jack, come back for an afternoon session.
1:12:38 > 1:12:39It'll do you good.
1:12:39 > 1:12:40What are you doing?
1:12:40 > 1:12:41We were so close.
1:12:41 > 1:12:43I could feel it. I was getting through to him.
1:12:43 > 1:12:44Mom, the guy doesn't like to be touched!
1:12:44 > 1:12:47Because he has the emotional hide of a rhinoceros!
1:12:47 > 1:12:49Don't break him down. Just let him be.
1:12:49 > 1:12:50I was trying to do you a favour.
1:12:50 > 1:12:52You were riding him like Seabiscuit, Mom.
1:12:52 > 1:12:55GROANS
1:12:55 > 1:12:57GRUNTING
1:12:57 > 1:13:01GRUNTS WITH EACH STEP
1:13:01 > 1:13:02BONES CRACKING
1:13:02 > 1:13:03GRUNTS
1:13:03 > 1:13:06BONES CRACKING
1:13:15 > 1:13:16BEEPING
1:13:16 > 1:13:18HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
1:13:24 > 1:13:26BEEP
1:13:29 > 1:13:31BEEP
1:13:39 > 1:13:41Dial Foxtrot One.
1:13:41 > 1:13:44PHONE DIALLING
1:13:44 > 1:13:46BEEPING
1:13:46 > 1:13:47MARTY OVER PHONE: Alpha Foxtrot One.
1:13:47 > 1:13:50Foxtrot One, I need a full comparative DNA analysis on
1:13:50 > 1:13:54one Gaylord M Focker, one Jorge Villalobos.
1:13:54 > 1:13:55Translation - George...house of the wolves.
1:13:55 > 1:13:57MARTY: It might take
1:13:57 > 1:13:58a couple of weeks, Santa.
1:13:58 > 1:13:59No good, Foxtrot One.
1:13:59 > 1:14:00I need a 12-hour turnaround.
1:14:00 > 1:14:02I'll secure the physical evidence,
1:14:02 > 1:14:03and the handoff will be
1:14:03 > 1:14:04at Harry Focker's Good Time Supper Club,
1:14:04 > 1:14:06Biscayne Boulevard, 2100 hours tonight.
1:14:06 > 1:14:07MARTY: You got it, Santa.
1:14:07 > 1:14:08Foxtrot One, out.
1:14:08 > 1:14:09BEEP
1:14:09 > 1:14:11- PHONE RINGING - # When a little angel... #
1:14:11 > 1:14:12- Yellow! - Bernie,
1:14:12 > 1:14:14this is Jack Byrnes.
1:14:14 > 1:14:16Hey, Jack. Hey, where are you calling from?
1:14:16 > 1:14:17I'm in my RV.
1:14:17 > 1:14:19Would you have Greg meet me here in three minutes?
1:14:19 > 1:14:21- You're in your trailer? - Thank you. Goodbye.
1:14:21 > 1:14:22But...
1:14:22 > 1:14:24DIAL TONE
1:14:24 > 1:14:25Hey, Gaylord!
1:14:25 > 1:14:26BERNIE: Jack wants you
1:14:26 > 1:14:28to meet him in his trailer in precisely
1:14:28 > 1:14:30three minutes!
1:14:30 > 1:14:31And I have to tell you,
1:14:31 > 1:14:34El Stiffo is really starting to freak me out.
1:14:34 > 1:14:36Greg, wait, OK?
1:14:36 > 1:14:38Listen, no matter how hard he probes you,
1:14:38 > 1:14:39you have to promise that you will not break,
1:14:39 > 1:14:40because I am not ready
1:14:40 > 1:14:42to tell him that I'm pregnant yet, OK?
1:14:42 > 1:14:43Hey, honey...honey.
1:14:43 > 1:14:44We shouldn't... What? What?
1:14:44 > 1:14:45Let him probe,
1:14:45 > 1:14:47cos he's probing a brick wall.
1:14:49 > 1:14:51- ROZ: - Now show me how you would like
1:14:51 > 1:14:53a romantic evening to go.
1:14:53 > 1:14:54Oh, Jack!
1:14:54 > 1:14:55Wine and candles.
1:14:55 > 1:14:57Gosh, it's not even our anniversary.
1:14:57 > 1:14:59Come here, hot stuff.
1:14:59 > 1:15:00DINA MOANING
1:15:00 > 1:15:02Yes! Yes!
1:15:02 > 1:15:03MOANING
1:15:03 > 1:15:04- Oh, Jack. - Oh, that was
1:15:04 > 1:15:06good, Dina.
1:15:06 > 1:15:08Jack!
1:15:08 > 1:15:10Down here. Under the bed.
1:15:13 > 1:15:16HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
1:15:16 > 1:15:18Down here, Greg.
1:15:20 > 1:15:21Wow.
1:15:21 > 1:15:23Have a seat.
1:15:23 > 1:15:25OK.
1:15:25 > 1:15:27Watch the panel.
1:15:27 > 1:15:29This is incredible.
1:15:32 > 1:15:34BEEP, WHIRRING
1:15:34 > 1:15:35BEEP
1:15:35 > 1:15:37WHIRRING
1:15:40 > 1:15:44So, this is like your, er, mobile command centre
1:15:44 > 1:15:47for all your spy activities?
1:15:47 > 1:15:48Mainly a secure space
1:15:48 > 1:15:49for me to spend some alone time
1:15:49 > 1:15:51and reflect on my thoughts.
1:15:51 > 1:15:53Hmm. Very cool.
1:15:53 > 1:15:55Greg...
1:15:55 > 1:15:56Yeah.
1:15:56 > 1:15:58You'll recall that we had a discussion
1:15:58 > 1:15:59earlier in the week
1:15:59 > 1:16:01regarding my feelings about family, legacies,
1:16:01 > 1:16:02children and so forth.
1:16:02 > 1:16:04Oh, yeah, of course I recall, yeah.
1:16:04 > 1:16:08Well, I'm gonna just ask you once.
1:16:08 > 1:16:10Is there anything you want to tell me
1:16:10 > 1:16:13regarding things that might have happened?
1:16:13 > 1:16:16Unplanned things?
1:16:16 > 1:16:19Things involving the fruit of your loins?
1:16:22 > 1:16:24No.
1:16:25 > 1:16:28BIRDS SINGING
1:16:30 > 1:16:35Well, if he's not going to admit it on his own...
1:16:43 > 1:16:44BEEPING
1:16:44 > 1:16:47TOUCH TONE DIALLING
1:16:47 > 1:16:48LINE RINGING
1:16:48 > 1:16:49JORGE: 'Hello.'
1:16:49 > 1:16:51Hello, Jorge.
1:16:51 > 1:16:52It's Jack Byrnes. Remember me?
1:16:52 > 1:16:55'Oh, yeah, sure. You came to the house with Bernie.
1:16:55 > 1:16:56'You had that fancy camera pen.'
1:16:56 > 1:16:58Yeah, that's right.
1:16:58 > 1:17:00Listen, do you have any plans tonight?
1:17:00 > 1:17:02'Uh...no.'
1:17:02 > 1:17:05Good, cos I'd like to invite you to a party.
1:17:05 > 1:17:07INDISTINCT LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
1:17:12 > 1:17:16# And if you feel like dancing, dance
1:17:16 > 1:17:20# And if you feel like falling, fall
1:17:20 > 1:17:22# Cos it will be all right
1:17:22 > 1:17:23# Yeah... #
1:17:23 > 1:17:24- Hey, sweetie. - Hey. Hi.
1:17:24 > 1:17:26- Having a good time? - Uh, no, not really.
1:17:26 > 1:17:27No? Oh.
1:17:27 > 1:17:28Hey, listen, sweetie,
1:17:28 > 1:17:30did you tell your mother that I'm pregnant?
1:17:30 > 1:17:32Because she keeps on touching my stomach and smiling like...
1:17:32 > 1:17:33- Hi.- ..like that. - Um...
1:17:33 > 1:17:35Yeah. No, I didn't tell her.
1:17:35 > 1:17:36She just... She guessed.
1:17:36 > 1:17:37- She what? - Yeah.
1:17:37 > 1:17:39- And then she told my dad. - Oh, my God.
1:17:39 > 1:17:40Stop it. Bernie.
1:17:40 > 1:17:42Bernie, stop. Would...
1:17:42 > 1:17:44It's not funny.
1:17:44 > 1:17:46- I told my mom. - What?
1:17:46 > 1:17:47- Yeah. - What... What are you...?
1:17:47 > 1:17:49I... I... I... Now your dad's definitely gonna find out.
1:17:49 > 1:17:51No, no. No, she knows my dad.
1:17:51 > 1:17:52She would never say a word.
1:17:52 > 1:17:53No, no, no, but he's very, very suspicious...
1:17:53 > 1:17:54- Oh, Greg. - Yeah. Hey.
1:17:54 > 1:17:55Hi.
1:17:55 > 1:17:57Honey, would you take this to your mother?
1:17:57 > 1:17:58It's a wine spritzer.
1:17:58 > 1:18:00That's all she drinks now.
1:18:00 > 1:18:02OK. You boys have fun.
1:18:02 > 1:18:03OK.
1:18:05 > 1:18:06HE SIGHS
1:18:06 > 1:18:07Nice.
1:18:07 > 1:18:08HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
1:18:08 > 1:18:09Nice party, isn't it?
1:18:09 > 1:18:10Yeah, it is, it's nice.
1:18:10 > 1:18:13It's got a nice, festive vibe.
1:18:13 > 1:18:15Have you met the, er, some of the cousins?
1:18:15 > 1:18:16I met some, yes.
1:18:16 > 1:18:17Yeah.
1:18:17 > 1:18:20I met some, um... Dom?
1:18:20 > 1:18:21Mm, yeah, Dom Focker.
1:18:21 > 1:18:23That's my dad's, er, first cousin.
1:18:23 > 1:18:26Did you meet, er, his kids, Randy and Orny?
1:18:26 > 1:18:28I've met Randy and Orny, yes.
1:18:28 > 1:18:29Yeah. Yeah.
1:18:29 > 1:18:31Come on, I want to introduce you to somebody.
1:18:31 > 1:18:32Come on.
1:18:34 > 1:18:36Oh, there he is.
1:18:36 > 1:18:37Glad you could make it, Jorge.
1:18:37 > 1:18:39Oh, hey.
1:18:39 > 1:18:41Thanks for the invite, Mr B.
1:18:41 > 1:18:44Greg, this is Jorge Villalobos.
1:18:44 > 1:18:45- Hey.- Hey.
1:18:45 > 1:18:48- How you doing? - Isabel's son.
1:18:48 > 1:18:51Oh, I didn't realise Isabel had a son.
1:18:51 > 1:18:53When did she get married?
1:18:53 > 1:18:54She's... She's not married.
1:18:54 > 1:18:57Oh, he's never met his father.
1:18:57 > 1:19:00Oh. I'm sorry.
1:19:00 > 1:19:02That's... I mean, that's-that's too bad.
1:19:02 > 1:19:03Oh, no, no, it's-it's cool.
1:19:03 > 1:19:06My mom said my dad wasn't, like, mature enough
1:19:06 > 1:19:08to deal with a kid anyway, so...
1:19:08 > 1:19:09Yeah.
1:19:09 > 1:19:11So, how do you guys know each other?
1:19:11 > 1:19:14Well, this young man is quite the mechanic.
1:19:14 > 1:19:15And he's only 15 years old.
1:19:15 > 1:19:16Isn't that impressive?
1:19:16 > 1:19:18Really? You're 15?
1:19:18 > 1:19:19Yeah.
1:19:19 > 1:19:20That is impressive.
1:19:20 > 1:19:22He's a handsome kid, huh?
1:19:22 > 1:19:23Yeah.
1:19:23 > 1:19:26Almost like a young, half-Hispanic Marlon Brando?
1:19:27 > 1:19:31Well, I'll leave you two guys to talk.
1:19:31 > 1:19:33You probably have a lot in common.
1:19:33 > 1:19:34Ow.
1:19:41 > 1:19:44Well. Hmm. Hmm.
1:19:44 > 1:19:46So you're...
1:19:46 > 1:19:4815?
1:20:08 > 1:20:11Come on, you Fockers! Conga!
1:20:11 > 1:20:12Let's conga!
1:20:12 > 1:20:13Did you order the Tom Collins, sir?
1:20:13 > 1:20:15Is it made with fresh lemon juice?
1:20:15 > 1:20:18They're Bermuda lemons, sir, and I squeezed them myself.
1:20:21 > 1:20:23Stay safe, Santa.
1:20:26 > 1:20:28CROWD CHANTING: Go, Bernie, go Focker...
1:20:28 > 1:20:30APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
1:20:30 > 1:20:32LAUGHS
1:20:32 > 1:20:34CHEERING
1:20:34 > 1:20:36Go Bernie, go Focker...
1:20:36 > 1:20:38Yay!
1:20:38 > 1:20:40Go Bernie, go Focker...
1:20:41 > 1:20:43GLASS BREAKING
1:20:43 > 1:20:46I mean, it's romantic out here, don't you think?
1:20:46 > 1:20:49The... The moon, the sea.
1:20:49 > 1:20:50Isn't it nice?
1:20:50 > 1:20:51Mm, yeah, it's nice.
1:20:54 > 1:20:56You look very handsome tonight, Jack.
1:20:56 > 1:20:57Oh, well, thank you, honey.
1:21:02 > 1:21:04What are you doing to my ears?
1:21:04 > 1:21:07Nothing. Just...
1:21:09 > 1:21:11- BERNIE IN DISTANCE: - Hey! Hey!
1:21:11 > 1:21:13I have to go to the bathroom.
1:21:13 > 1:21:14I'll be right back.
1:21:14 > 1:21:16OK.
1:21:16 > 1:21:18BAND PLAY LIVELY TROPICAL RHYTHMS
1:21:23 > 1:21:24Hello, Greg.
1:21:24 > 1:21:27Hi, Jack.
1:21:30 > 1:21:32Did you have a nice conversation with your son?
1:21:32 > 1:21:35Jack, I never even met that kid before.
1:21:35 > 1:21:38Focker, you've been covering this up from the very beginning.
1:21:38 > 1:21:40No, I haven't, Jack.
1:21:40 > 1:21:42It's just another one of your crazy theories.
1:21:42 > 1:21:46Greg, you're still in the circle of trust,
1:21:46 > 1:21:48so I'm gonna give you one more chance.
1:21:48 > 1:21:52Are you ready to admit that you've been hiding this from Pam?
1:21:52 > 1:21:53No, I haven't.
1:21:53 > 1:21:55- You're not hiding anything? - No.
1:21:55 > 1:21:57All right?
1:21:57 > 1:22:00Oh, Greg.
1:22:01 > 1:22:02What are you holding?
1:22:02 > 1:22:04What's in your hand?
1:22:04 > 1:22:05Nothing.
1:22:05 > 1:22:07Jack, I can see in the mirror. What is that?
1:22:07 > 1:22:08You've got something in your hand.
1:22:08 > 1:22:11- Don't worry about it, Greg. - Is that a needle?
1:22:11 > 1:22:13Yes, it is.
1:22:13 > 1:22:17You seem tense. I was gonna offer you a sedative.
1:22:17 > 1:22:18You're joking, right?
1:22:18 > 1:22:20No, I'm not.
1:22:20 > 1:22:22HE LAUGHS Jack.
1:22:22 > 1:22:24Is that tartar sauce on your shoulder?
1:22:24 > 1:22:26Tartar sauce?
1:22:26 > 1:22:27GROANING
1:22:27 > 1:22:28GURGLING
1:22:29 > 1:22:31Why? Oh.
1:22:31 > 1:22:32You've been injected
1:22:32 > 1:22:35with a highly concentrated dose of sodium pentothal,
1:22:35 > 1:22:36street name, "truth serum".
1:22:36 > 1:22:38You will have no recollection of this in a few minutes,
1:22:38 > 1:22:40and tonight, for the first time
1:22:40 > 1:22:41in your life, my young friend,
1:22:41 > 1:22:43you are going to be honest.
1:22:43 > 1:22:46FOOTSTEPS RETREATING
1:22:46 > 1:22:47Keep the pressure on it.
1:22:47 > 1:22:48MUSIC PLAYING
1:22:48 > 1:22:49LJ COOING Get down, Little Jack.
1:22:49 > 1:22:51Get funky. Ooh.
1:22:51 > 1:22:53BOTH LAUGH
1:22:53 > 1:22:55- Ooh. - Oh.
1:22:55 > 1:22:56- Hey there, preggers. - Quiet.
1:22:56 > 1:22:58How you doing?
1:22:58 > 1:22:59I'm fine. Where have you been?
1:22:59 > 1:23:00Oh, I went to the bathroom to pee,
1:23:00 > 1:23:01and now I am
1:23:01 > 1:23:03talking to you, my fiancee,
1:23:03 > 1:23:05who I've delayed marrying for two years
1:23:05 > 1:23:07because I didn't want our parents to meet.
1:23:07 > 1:23:08BURBLES
1:23:08 > 1:23:10What?
1:23:10 > 1:23:11What?
1:23:11 > 1:23:12What?
1:23:12 > 1:23:14You don't like me. It's OK.
1:23:14 > 1:23:16I don't like your little red outfit.
1:23:16 > 1:23:18It makes you look like a little demon baby.
1:23:18 > 1:23:20And maybe I'll get you a little pitchfork
1:23:20 > 1:23:21for Christmas, huh?
1:23:21 > 1:23:23So we can put you on a can of Underwood ham.
1:23:23 > 1:23:24I'm sorry that I can't
1:23:24 > 1:23:27make little poop sounds, and I can't make little things
1:23:27 > 1:23:29that tell people when I want to do things.
1:23:29 > 1:23:30And guess what?
1:23:30 > 1:23:32I can make a sign to you, too.
1:23:32 > 1:23:34How's that for a sign?
1:23:34 > 1:23:35Ooh!
1:23:35 > 1:23:37APPLAUSE
1:23:37 > 1:23:39Oh, look, Bernie's getting up on the stage. Come on, come on.
1:23:39 > 1:23:41And now to say a few words,
1:23:41 > 1:23:43one of the great
1:23:43 > 1:23:46registered nurses of all time,
1:23:46 > 1:23:48Gaylord Myron Focker.
1:23:48 > 1:23:49APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
1:23:49 > 1:23:50Come on, let's give it up to Gay!
1:23:50 > 1:23:52Give it up to him!
1:23:55 > 1:23:57GREG: Bernie
1:23:57 > 1:23:58Focker!
1:23:58 > 1:24:01I love the shirt, Dad.
1:24:01 > 1:24:02Thank you. APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING
1:24:02 > 1:24:04All right.
1:24:04 > 1:24:07It's great to be here with all of you as I am
1:24:07 > 1:24:12about to set sail in my ship of life
1:24:12 > 1:24:14with my first mate,
1:24:14 > 1:24:16the beautiful young blonde lass over there.
1:24:16 > 1:24:17Hey, baby.
1:24:17 > 1:24:19I love you, honey.
1:24:23 > 1:24:25I still masturbate to Pam.
1:24:25 > 1:24:26- ALL GASPING - Greg?
1:24:26 > 1:24:27What? It's true.
1:24:27 > 1:24:28Honey, what? Come on.
1:24:28 > 1:24:30You're hot. Look at her.
1:24:30 > 1:24:31Look at those boobs.
1:24:31 > 1:24:32Man!
1:24:32 > 1:24:33I just want to...
1:24:33 > 1:24:36I just want to lather them up with soap and just...
1:24:36 > 1:24:37BLUBBERING ..get in.
1:24:37 > 1:24:38I love it! Oh!
1:24:38 > 1:24:39Man, I just want to...
1:24:39 > 1:24:41I just want to nestle in there and just take
1:24:41 > 1:24:44a little vacation in there.
1:24:44 > 1:24:46Honey.
1:24:46 > 1:24:47Honey. What?
1:24:47 > 1:24:48I'm sorry. OK.
1:24:48 > 1:24:50Excuse me for you being perfect.
1:24:50 > 1:24:51Hey, you know who else is great?
1:24:51 > 1:24:53That woman over there.
1:24:53 > 1:24:55My future mother-in-law,
1:24:55 > 1:24:56Dina Byrnes. LIGHT APPLAUSE
1:24:56 > 1:24:59# Dina, Dina, bo-bina banana-fana fo-fina
1:24:59 > 1:25:03# I love D-D-Dina Byrnes! #
1:25:03 > 1:25:04Mm-hmm. APPLAUSE
1:25:04 > 1:25:06You know, they say if you really want to know
1:25:06 > 1:25:07what a woman's gonna look like
1:25:07 > 1:25:09when she gets older, you should look at her mother.
1:25:09 > 1:25:12Well, I'm a-lookin', and I'm a-likin'.
1:25:12 > 1:25:13WOMAN GASPS
1:25:13 > 1:25:14Whoo! Look at her.
1:25:14 > 1:25:16Sweetness.
1:25:16 > 1:25:17CROWD MURMURING
1:25:17 > 1:25:18LAUGHS
1:25:18 > 1:25:21Good genes in the Byrnes gene pool.
1:25:21 > 1:25:23Hey! Hey, you!
1:25:23 > 1:25:25Yeah, you.
1:25:25 > 1:25:27Hold on. Pam, I got to tell you something
1:25:27 > 1:25:28about... BERNIE MURMURING
1:25:28 > 1:25:30..about this little dude right here.
1:25:30 > 1:25:34In my first really passionate sexual awakening...
1:25:34 > 1:25:36I did, in fact, lose my virginity
1:25:36 > 1:25:39to our beautiful housekeeper, Isabel.
1:25:39 > 1:25:40Greg, honey, that was in the past,
1:25:40 > 1:25:41so why don't you come sit down?
1:25:41 > 1:25:44No, no, no, honey. Cos I have to get this off my chest, really.
1:25:44 > 1:25:46Sit.
1:25:47 > 1:25:49We conceived a child.
1:25:49 > 1:25:50ALL GASPING
1:25:50 > 1:25:51MAN CLEARS THROAT
1:25:51 > 1:25:53His name is Jorge Villalobos. Come up here,
1:25:53 > 1:25:55Jorge, come up here.
1:25:55 > 1:25:56CROWD MURMURING
1:25:56 > 1:25:58Let's lift the veil of mystery.
1:25:58 > 1:26:01The fruit of my loins is right here.
1:26:01 > 1:26:02Everybody, take a look.
1:26:02 > 1:26:04See his face.
1:26:04 > 1:26:05He is mine.
1:26:05 > 1:26:08Search your feelings, Jorge.
1:26:08 > 1:26:09You know it to be true.
1:26:09 > 1:26:12Yo soy tu papa.
1:26:17 > 1:26:18HE SIGHS
1:26:18 > 1:26:19It's OK. I know.
1:26:19 > 1:26:21I know. A lot of information.
1:26:21 > 1:26:22You let it settle.
1:26:22 > 1:26:23Who'd'a thunk it, huh? Come on.
1:26:23 > 1:26:24Give that kid a hand.
1:26:24 > 1:26:26APPLAUSE
1:26:26 > 1:26:28Oh, and, er, Jack...
1:26:29 > 1:26:31..Pam's pregnant.
1:26:31 > 1:26:33CROWD MURMURING
1:26:33 > 1:26:35Focker out.
1:26:36 > 1:26:39CROWD GASPS
1:26:55 > 1:26:57SNIFFLES
1:26:57 > 1:27:00GRUNTS
1:27:02 > 1:27:04SOFT GROANING
1:27:07 > 1:27:08Hey.
1:27:08 > 1:27:10Hey.
1:27:10 > 1:27:12What happened last night?
1:27:12 > 1:27:15Well, you got drunk and told my dad I'm pregnant.
1:27:15 > 1:27:18You revealed you have a 15-year-old son named Jorge.
1:27:18 > 1:27:21And, oh, apparently, you have the hots for my mom.
1:27:21 > 1:27:23Oh, my God.
1:27:23 > 1:27:24I... I...
1:27:24 > 1:27:26I mean, is that really true?
1:27:26 > 1:27:28I think she's attractive, but...
1:27:28 > 1:27:32No, that you have a son you never told me about.
1:27:32 > 1:27:34I... Honey, if it... I...
1:27:34 > 1:27:36If it is, I never heard about it before last night.
1:27:36 > 1:27:37Isabel never said anything to me.
1:27:37 > 1:27:38I... I...
1:27:38 > 1:27:40SIGHS
1:27:40 > 1:27:42I mean, I don't even remember drinking.
1:27:42 > 1:27:44You're telling me the truth, aren't you?
1:27:44 > 1:27:47Of course I am. Pam, I love you.
1:27:47 > 1:27:49I would never lie to you about anything like that.
1:27:54 > 1:27:56I love you, too.
1:27:56 > 1:27:58And if Jorge really is your son,
1:27:58 > 1:28:01then we will make it work.
1:28:01 > 1:28:03OK.
1:28:03 > 1:28:04I...
1:28:06 > 1:28:09Hey, how did your dad react to the pregnancy news?
1:28:09 > 1:28:11Well...
1:28:11 > 1:28:13just as you'd expect.
1:28:13 > 1:28:14Slept in the RV.
1:28:14 > 1:28:17He hasn't spoken to anyone since last night.
1:28:17 > 1:28:19HORN PLAYING "Puff The Magic Dragon"
1:28:19 > 1:28:21- JACK OVER PA:- Pam, we have to leave this island.
1:28:21 > 1:28:23Get in the RV right now.
1:28:23 > 1:28:25Bernard, get out from under the vehicle,
1:28:25 > 1:28:27or I will run you over.
1:28:27 > 1:28:28I'm not moving, Jack.
1:28:28 > 1:28:30There's a non-violent way to handle this.
1:28:30 > 1:28:32What's going on?
1:28:32 > 1:28:33Well, your father wants to leave,
1:28:33 > 1:28:34and Bernie is staging a sit-in.
1:28:34 > 1:28:36Dad, come on, get up. This is ridiculous.
1:28:36 > 1:28:38You weren't around in the '60s, man.
1:28:38 > 1:28:40This is how we got things done.
1:28:40 > 1:28:41- JACK OVER PA: - Pam, Dina,
1:28:41 > 1:28:42we have to get off this island.
1:28:42 > 1:28:43It's evil.
1:28:43 > 1:28:45Jack Byrnes, out of the RV!
1:28:45 > 1:28:48You are acting like such a jerk!
1:28:52 > 1:28:55Yes! There you go, Jacko!
1:28:55 > 1:28:56Yes!
1:28:56 > 1:28:58Man, we're gonna have a grandchild.
1:28:58 > 1:29:00Come on, we should be celebrating.
1:29:00 > 1:29:01How could you not see it?
1:29:01 > 1:29:03Greg is completely unfit to handle a child.
1:29:03 > 1:29:06He's neglected his own son for 15 years!
1:29:06 > 1:29:08- Hey, Jack, I didn't even know he existed.- That's right.
1:29:08 > 1:29:10Oh, who knows what to believe with you.
1:29:10 > 1:29:11You're dishonest about everything.
1:29:11 > 1:29:12You're so much better, Jack?
1:29:12 > 1:29:14Why don't you tell everybody
1:29:14 > 1:29:16what you did last night to Greg at the party?
1:29:16 > 1:29:17Muskrat, Dina.
1:29:17 > 1:29:19- Huh? - Oh, stuff your muskrat, Jack.
1:29:19 > 1:29:23- He shot Greg with truth serum before his speech.- What?!
1:29:23 > 1:29:25Here, I found this in his pocket.
1:29:25 > 1:29:27- Here we go again, Dad.
1:29:27 > 1:29:29- He did the same thing to Pam's junior prom date.
1:29:29 > 1:29:30Oh, my God.
1:29:30 > 1:29:32Wait a minute. Yes. Yes! Wait a minute. I...
1:29:32 > 1:29:33You stuck a needle in my neck!
1:29:33 > 1:29:34You drugged my son?!
1:29:34 > 1:29:35- I had no choice.
1:29:35 > 1:29:37He refuses to tell the truth.
1:29:37 > 1:29:38Because he's terrified.
1:29:38 > 1:29:39He thinks he has to impress you!
1:29:39 > 1:29:42He's had us trying to impress you, but
1:29:42 > 1:29:43in my opinion, Jack, I think it's you
1:29:43 > 1:29:45who should be trying to impress us!
1:29:45 > 1:29:48Jack, you've insulted me, my wife, my son,
1:29:48 > 1:29:50our entire way of life.
1:29:50 > 1:29:51I've sat back and taken it,
1:29:51 > 1:29:53but now, you've crossed the line, sir,
1:29:53 > 1:29:55and I am going to have to kick your ass.
1:29:55 > 1:29:56Dad, Dad.
1:29:56 > 1:29:58- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Wait a second.
1:29:58 > 1:29:59I'm going to teach this florist some justice, Focker-style.
1:29:59 > 1:30:00Dad, calm down.
1:30:00 > 1:30:03Just give me a minute to stretch.
1:30:03 > 1:30:05No, Bernie, you're gonna hurt yourself, honey.
1:30:05 > 1:30:06- Dad, please don't. - We can talk this through.
1:30:06 > 1:30:08- Jack, don't retaliate. - Too late for words, Rosalind.
1:30:08 > 1:30:10Dad, Dad! No, no. No dance-fighting. Stop.
1:30:10 > 1:30:12- ROZ: You're gonna hurt yourself. - This is Capoeira, man.
1:30:12 > 1:30:13This is hardcore shit.
1:30:13 > 1:30:15Bernard, if you continue,
1:30:15 > 1:30:16you will force me to engage you,
1:30:16 > 1:30:18and once I begin the secrets of combat,
1:30:18 > 1:30:20it will only end with your demise.
1:30:20 > 1:30:21Bring it, dawg!
1:30:21 > 1:30:22Come on, bring it, come on!
1:30:22 > 1:30:24- Stop it! - He's taunting me.
1:30:24 > 1:30:26- Dad! - Greg!
1:30:26 > 1:30:28What, Bernie, you're gonna snap now?
1:30:28 > 1:30:30ROZ: Greg! What?
1:30:31 > 1:30:33- Greg, honey, are you all right? - Now look what you did.
1:30:33 > 1:30:35- It's your fault. - Oh, he's bleeding.
1:30:35 > 1:30:36He's bleeding! He's bleeding, Daddy.
1:30:36 > 1:30:37- I was in a trance. - That's it.
1:30:37 > 1:30:40Pam, Dina, I'm calling a family conference. Come on.
1:30:40 > 1:30:42No, Dad, this is the family, all right?
1:30:42 > 1:30:44In a few weeks, I'm not gonna be Pam Byrnes.
1:30:44 > 1:30:45I am going to be Pamela Focker!
1:30:45 > 1:30:48Or Byrnes-Focker. We haven't totally decided yet.
1:30:48 > 1:30:50No, no, no. I'm gonna be Pamela Martha Focker.
1:30:50 > 1:30:53I know how that sounds, but-but that's the name I'm taking.
1:30:53 > 1:30:54Pamcake, you're upset.
1:30:54 > 1:30:56I'm not so sure you're thinking clearly right now.
1:30:56 > 1:30:58I'm fine, Dad.
1:30:58 > 1:30:59Jack, it's you who is not thinking clearly!
1:30:59 > 1:31:01These two kids love each other.
1:31:01 > 1:31:02Look. We've been kvelling
1:31:02 > 1:31:04about this pregnancy all weekend.
1:31:04 > 1:31:06You knew she was pregnant?
1:31:06 > 1:31:08We all did, Jack.
1:31:10 > 1:31:13Daddy, I was gonna tell you after the wedding, I swear.
1:31:13 > 1:31:15Oh.
1:31:15 > 1:31:17This was the reason I created the circle of trust.
1:31:17 > 1:31:19So we could discuss these things.
1:31:19 > 1:31:21But the circle isn't gonna work
1:31:21 > 1:31:23if you don't trust anyone that's in it, Dad.
1:31:23 > 1:31:26That's right, honey.
1:31:30 > 1:31:31Dad!
1:31:31 > 1:31:33- Oh, Jack, don't... - No, Dad...
1:31:33 > 1:31:34- DINA:- Don't...
1:31:34 > 1:31:35- Daddy. - Honey.
1:31:35 > 1:31:37- Oh! - Daddy, please. Daddy,
1:31:37 > 1:31:38- Where are you going? - Oh, Jack, come on.
1:31:39 > 1:31:41- PAM:- Don't drive away!
1:31:41 > 1:31:42Jack!
1:31:42 > 1:31:43Daddy!
1:31:43 > 1:31:45No, Daddy, come back, please.
1:31:45 > 1:31:47- Whoa, Jack! - Jack.
1:31:47 > 1:31:49- What are you doing?! - Dad.
1:31:49 > 1:31:51Jack, please.
1:31:51 > 1:31:52PAM SIGHS
1:31:52 > 1:31:53It's not that bad.
1:31:53 > 1:31:54This is narrishkeit.
1:31:54 > 1:31:56PAM SIGHS
1:31:59 > 1:32:01PHONE RINGING
1:32:10 > 1:32:12- Is it ringing? - There's no answer.
1:32:12 > 1:32:15W|ell, let's give him some space. Maybe he's learning to self-soothe.
1:32:15 > 1:32:16Roz...
1:32:16 > 1:32:18- What?- This is crazy. I'm going.
1:32:18 > 1:32:19I'm coming with you, Son.
1:32:19 > 1:32:20No, Dad, I can do it myself.
1:32:20 > 1:32:21We got to make up time.
1:32:21 > 1:32:23I know these roads like the back of my hand.
1:32:25 > 1:32:29Come on, let's put this family back together.
1:32:29 > 1:32:31Floor it, Gay. I know a shortcut.
1:32:31 > 1:32:34We'll beat El Stiffo to the freeway.
1:32:34 > 1:32:36You know, I think you make a right up here or a left.
1:32:36 > 1:32:39It's either one or the other.
1:32:39 > 1:32:40You don't know where we are, do you?
1:32:40 > 1:32:41You know, something's wrong here.
1:32:41 > 1:32:43This makes no sense at all.
1:32:43 > 1:32:44- Dad... - What?
1:32:44 > 1:32:44It's a map of Detroit.
1:32:44 > 1:32:46Oh, well, that explains it.
1:32:46 > 1:32:47Dad...
1:32:47 > 1:32:50Punch it, Gay. We're going to catch that dude.
1:32:50 > 1:32:52SIREN BLARING
1:32:52 > 1:32:53Oh, shit.
1:32:53 > 1:32:55OK, come on, come on. Keep going.
1:32:55 > 1:32:58- Dad, come on, it's a cop. - What?
1:32:58 > 1:32:59Listen carefully.
1:32:59 > 1:33:01Let me do the talking. I know how to handle these local cops.
1:33:01 > 1:33:03- No, don't - don't do any talking. - Stay in the vehicle.
1:33:03 > 1:33:04Don't shush me, I'm a lawyer - come on.
1:33:04 > 1:33:05- I'm not shushing you. - You know how many
1:33:05 > 1:33:06tickets I've talked myself out of?
1:33:06 > 1:33:09Oh, wow, will you look at this yutz?
1:33:09 > 1:33:10Don't they have height requirements?
1:33:10 > 1:33:11GREG: We're screwed.
1:33:11 > 1:33:12- No, we're not. - -Don't, don't.
1:33:12 > 1:33:15Dad, he said to remain in the vehicle.
1:33:15 > 1:33:17Sir, I said to remain in your vehicle.
1:33:17 > 1:33:19- BERNIE: - I just want to talk to you
1:33:19 > 1:33:20- for one second. - I've given you a lawful order.
1:33:20 > 1:33:22Now, let's just talk like friendly Floridians.
1:33:22 > 1:33:24If you fail to comply, I will arrest you.
1:33:24 > 1:33:26You see, my son's future father-in-law
1:33:26 > 1:33:27- Sir, shut it. - Thinks my Gay back there
1:33:27 > 1:33:28has a bastard son.
1:33:28 > 1:33:29I said shut it!
1:33:29 > 1:33:31Shut it.
1:33:29 > 1:33:31I know my civil rights, now.
1:33:31 > 1:33:33- You know your rights, huh? - Whoa, whoa!
1:33:33 > 1:33:34Oh!
1:33:34 > 1:33:36- I have sensitive wrists. - Excuse me.
1:33:36 > 1:33:38Sir, return to your vehicle!
1:33:38 > 1:33:39OK, I don't know what he said, but you can't
1:33:39 > 1:33:40- take him seriously. - All right, that's it!
1:33:40 > 1:33:42- On your belly! - On my belly?!
1:33:42 > 1:33:43You got a hearing problem, freak?!
1:33:43 > 1:33:45No, I'm just trying to... Ah! oh!
1:33:45 > 1:33:47Now we got two failures to comply.
1:33:47 > 1:33:51Now, I need the two of you to remain
1:33:51 > 1:33:54on the vehicle.
1:33:54 > 1:33:56GROANS
1:33:56 > 1:33:59OK, now, here's my plan.
1:33:59 > 1:34:01Plan? Dad, no.
1:34:01 > 1:34:02It was just a joke.
1:34:04 > 1:34:06- HE SIGHS - I'm sorry.
1:34:06 > 1:34:08I was... I was just trying to help you, Gay.
1:34:08 > 1:34:10I know, Dad.
1:34:10 > 1:34:11You're always trying to help.
1:34:13 > 1:34:15PHONE RINGING
1:34:17 > 1:34:18Talk to me, Marty.
1:34:18 > 1:34:20What's the intel on operation living skeleton?
1:34:20 > 1:34:21MARTY: 'Focker's not
1:34:21 > 1:34:22'the kid's father, Jack.'
1:34:22 > 1:34:24Are you kidding me?
1:34:24 > 1:34:26I was sure I had that pegged.
1:34:26 > 1:34:28'I'm sending you a visual uplink now.
1:34:28 > 1:34:30'The dad was a minor league Florida ballplayer.
1:34:30 > 1:34:34'His name is Rusty Bridges.
1:34:34 > 1:34:37'We all make mistakes, Santa.
1:34:37 > 1:34:38'Foxtrot one, out.'
1:34:38 > 1:34:41MONITOR BEEPS
1:34:46 > 1:34:47HE SIGHS
1:34:47 > 1:34:5034 years spent reading other people,
1:34:50 > 1:34:51and I get it all wrong.
1:34:51 > 1:34:54My own wife - I don't even know what she's thinking,
1:34:54 > 1:34:56and my daughter keeps secrets from me.
1:34:56 > 1:34:58Sometimes I think
1:34:58 > 1:35:01you're the only person I can really talk to, LJ
1:35:01 > 1:35:04Ass...hoooole.
1:35:09 > 1:35:12I know.
1:35:16 > 1:35:18TYRES SCREECHING
1:35:27 > 1:35:29- OFFICER: - F-o-c-k...
1:35:29 > 1:35:30Fock-are?
1:35:30 > 1:35:33GREG: Hey, it's Jack.
1:35:33 > 1:35:35- Hey, Jack! that's Jack! Jack! - Hey!
1:35:36 > 1:35:37Jack!
1:35:37 > 1:35:39Halt!
1:35:39 > 1:35:40Jack!
1:35:40 > 1:35:41- BERNIE: - Jack!
1:35:41 > 1:35:42Jack!
1:35:42 > 1:35:45Weaver stance!
1:35:45 > 1:35:47GRUNTS
1:35:47 > 1:35:48Oh, my God, you shot my son!
1:35:48 > 1:35:50Halt!
1:35:50 > 1:35:54Your son has merely been stunned by a less-than-lethal weapon.
1:35:54 > 1:35:56ELECTRICAL PULSING
1:35:56 > 1:35:57Remain calm.
1:35:57 > 1:36:0050,000 volts of electricity are now passing
1:36:00 > 1:36:01into your skeletal muscle tissue.
1:36:01 > 1:36:04Your central nervous system has been incapacitated,
1:36:04 > 1:36:07but you will regain motor functions momentarily.
1:36:07 > 1:36:09GROANS
1:36:11 > 1:36:12Officer, do you mind telling me
1:36:12 > 1:36:14why you're arresting these men?
1:36:14 > 1:36:15Oh, mercy.
1:36:15 > 1:36:16It just gets better and better.
1:36:16 > 1:36:20That is none of your business, lookie-loo.
1:36:20 > 1:36:21- Gay? - Return to your camper.
1:36:21 > 1:36:23At ease, Son. Put away the taser.
1:36:23 > 1:36:26- Jack Byrnes, CIA. - C-i-what?
1:36:26 > 1:36:29Says here you're retired.
1:36:29 > 1:36:32What you gonna show me next, old-timer, your AARP card?
1:36:32 > 1:36:34Now, you listen to me, and you listen good.
1:36:34 > 1:36:36(What's he doing?)
1:36:36 > 1:36:38Don't worry. He'll get us out of this.
1:36:38 > 1:36:40- You have no right to talk to me that way.- Stand down, sir.
1:36:40 > 1:36:42No, I will not stand down. You will stand down.
1:36:42 > 1:36:43I will not stand down!
1:36:43 > 1:36:45You will stand down, or you will be working security
1:36:45 > 1:36:46in a retirement home in Boynton Beach.
1:36:46 > 1:36:48Remain calm.
1:36:49 > 1:36:50It's been almost an hour.
1:36:50 > 1:36:51You think they caught up with him?
1:36:51 > 1:36:53Oh, I'm sure, sweetheart.
1:36:53 > 1:36:54If I know Bernie,
1:36:54 > 1:36:56they're probably sitting in a cafe
1:36:56 > 1:36:58in Little Havana eating Chimichangas
1:36:58 > 1:36:59and working out their issues.
1:36:59 > 1:37:03SIRENS BLARING
1:37:08 > 1:37:10OFFICER: Check it out!
1:37:10 > 1:37:13He's got a rubber booby!
1:37:25 > 1:37:26GREG: What's going on?
1:37:26 > 1:37:28What's going on? I was talking to Judge Goldfarb.
1:37:28 > 1:37:30- He's done. We're out. - What are you talking about?
1:37:30 > 1:37:32I thought you were making our one phone call.
1:37:32 > 1:37:33We don't need it - I ran into the judge in the hall.
1:37:33 > 1:37:34I took care of everything.
1:37:34 > 1:37:36Yeah, right.
1:37:36 > 1:37:38What are you saying, Jack?
1:37:38 > 1:37:40Well, I'm saying if you had kept your mouth shut
1:37:40 > 1:37:42in the first place, we wouldn't even be in this mess.
1:37:42 > 1:37:44I'm a lawyer, Jack. I'm trying to get us out of here.
1:37:44 > 1:37:47Well, what'd you do, give the judge a fondue recipe?
1:37:47 > 1:37:48At least I'm comfortable enough
1:37:48 > 1:37:50in my own skin to cook for my family.
1:37:50 > 1:37:52When was the last time you gave your wife breakfast in bed?
1:37:52 > 1:37:54When is the last time you gave her anything in bed?
1:37:54 > 1:37:55Now you're out of line, Focker.
1:37:55 > 1:37:57You are out of line, man.
1:37:57 > 1:37:59- You are out of line. - No, you hurt my feelings there.
1:37:59 > 1:38:01There's no reason for you to hurt my feelings.
1:38:01 > 1:38:03- Could you guys stop it? - He insulted me!
1:38:03 > 1:38:04Yeah, well, this isn't about you.
1:38:04 > 1:38:05All right?
1:38:05 > 1:38:06It's not about either of you.
1:38:06 > 1:38:08It's about me and Pam.
1:38:08 > 1:38:10We're getting married. That's it.
1:38:10 > 1:38:13We're starting our own circle of trust and guess what?
1:38:13 > 1:38:14You're not in it.
1:38:14 > 1:38:17Well, you can't start a circle of trust. It's my circle.
1:38:17 > 1:38:19You know what? you don't have a patent on the circle, Jack.
1:38:19 > 1:38:21And by the way, you're not even in your own circle right now.
1:38:21 > 1:38:25That is untrue. I say who's in or out of the circle.
1:38:25 > 1:38:26Well, I'm confused.
1:38:26 > 1:38:28Whose circle am I in?
1:38:30 > 1:38:32GREG AND JACK: Nobody's.
1:38:39 > 1:38:41Look, we're starting a family, OK?
1:38:41 > 1:38:43We're-we're going to have a baby.
1:38:43 > 1:38:44I have a 15-year-old son.
1:38:44 > 1:38:46You guys got to just put aside your issues
1:38:46 > 1:38:49and-and do what's best for us, OK?
1:38:49 > 1:38:50SIGHS
1:38:50 > 1:38:52Greg, Jorge's not your son.
1:38:52 > 1:38:57- What?- I had a comparative DNA analysis conducted last night and I made a mistake.
1:38:57 > 1:38:59You made a mistake?
1:38:59 > 1:38:59Yes, I did.
1:38:59 > 1:39:01- BERNIE: - Wait a minute.
1:39:01 > 1:39:02Truth serum, DNA matches.
1:39:02 > 1:39:04Who the hell are you, Jack Byrnes?
1:39:04 > 1:39:05I'm not really a florist, Bernard.
1:39:05 > 1:39:06I was in the CIA
1:39:06 > 1:39:08for 32 years, and I retired
1:39:08 > 1:39:09right before I met Greg.
1:39:09 > 1:39:13Oh, sure. Well, that makes sense.
1:39:13 > 1:39:15Bingo, bango, bongo.
1:39:15 > 1:39:18Bernie, whY the heck are you still here?
1:39:18 > 1:39:19Ira.
1:39:19 > 1:39:21Cletus, open up, let these guys out.
1:39:21 > 1:39:23Judge, what exactly did he say to you?
1:39:23 > 1:39:25He didn't have to say anything.
1:39:25 > 1:39:27Dr Roz saved my marriage.
1:39:27 > 1:39:29I'd do anything for that woman.
1:39:29 > 1:39:30You tell sugar pants
1:39:30 > 1:39:32I'll see her in class next week.
1:39:32 > 1:39:34Will do, Ira. Thanks.
1:39:34 > 1:39:36Well, wh-what can I say?
1:39:36 > 1:39:37I'm married to a very powerful woman.
1:39:37 > 1:39:38All right, gentlemen, let's go.
1:39:38 > 1:39:40- Excuse me. - What?
1:39:40 > 1:39:41Can you, er... could you close the cell door?
1:39:41 > 1:39:42Focker.
1:39:42 > 1:39:43You want to remain in the cell?
1:39:43 > 1:39:46We're not done talking yet.
1:39:46 > 1:39:48What?
1:39:48 > 1:39:50So, what do you think, huh?
1:39:50 > 1:39:52Hmm? Can we work this out or not?
1:39:53 > 1:39:55OK.
1:39:55 > 1:39:57Jack?
1:39:57 > 1:40:00Uh...I don't know.
1:40:00 > 1:40:02Good enough.
1:40:02 > 1:40:04All right, then, er, I think Pam and I should...
1:40:04 > 1:40:06should get married this weekend.
1:40:06 > 1:40:07This weekend?
1:40:07 > 1:40:08Oh, I'm not so sure that's a good idea.
1:40:08 > 1:40:10You want to be in the circle or not, Jack?
1:40:10 > 1:40:11OK, we'll do it this weekend.
1:40:11 > 1:40:14Aw, Jack.
1:40:18 > 1:40:21Hey, I think I can get Judge Ira to marry you guys.
1:40:21 > 1:40:24Well, I don't think so, Bernard, and if it's all right with you,
1:40:24 > 1:40:26Greg, I already have a minister in mind.
1:40:35 > 1:40:37# If I were a carpenter
1:40:37 > 1:40:40# And you were a lady... #
1:40:40 > 1:40:42Oh, my God, Daddy, you didn't.
1:40:42 > 1:40:43- JACK: - Well, meeting Greg
1:40:43 > 1:40:45made such an impression on Kevin,
1:40:45 > 1:40:47he spent eight months in Israel on a kibbutz.
1:40:47 > 1:40:49Then he took an Internet course and got ordained
1:40:49 > 1:40:51as an interfaith minister.
1:40:52 > 1:40:55Now, Jack told me that you were OK with me conducting this ceremony.
1:40:55 > 1:40:57I-I hope that's true.
1:40:57 > 1:41:00Yeah, yeah, no, I think it's great you're doing it.
1:41:03 > 1:41:06I mean, it is a little weird.
1:41:06 > 1:41:08Will you listen to me when I say this?
1:41:08 > 1:41:10Pam and I did not have one-tenth
1:41:10 > 1:41:13of the spiritual connection that you two obviously share.
1:41:13 > 1:41:14I mean, I look at you both together,
1:41:14 > 1:41:15and you're beautiful.
1:41:15 > 1:41:17I get it, OK?
1:41:17 > 1:41:19- OK. Thank you, Kevin. - Thank you, Greg.
1:41:27 > 1:41:31You're going to be a great mom, Pamcake.
1:41:31 > 1:41:33Thank you, Daddy.
1:41:43 > 1:41:47TROPICAL THEMED MUSIC AND PAN PIPES PLAYING
1:41:56 > 1:41:59And who gives this woman to this man?
1:41:59 > 1:42:02I do. Jack Tiberius Byrnes.
1:42:11 > 1:42:13Daddy.
1:42:16 > 1:42:18- Sorry, Greg. - OK.
1:42:18 > 1:42:21She's all yours now.
1:42:27 > 1:42:30That was sweet, honey. You all right?
1:42:30 > 1:42:32Shalom, everyone!
1:42:32 > 1:42:33ALL: Shalom.
1:42:33 > 1:42:34Shalom.
1:42:34 > 1:42:37Manishma, which is Hebrew for, "What's going on?"
1:42:37 > 1:42:39LAUGHTER
1:42:39 > 1:42:42Let us begin with the blessing of the wine.
1:42:42 > 1:42:46SINGING IN HEBREW
1:42:51 > 1:42:52Cute.
1:42:59 > 1:43:01GUESTS: Amen.
1:43:01 > 1:43:02DOG YIPS
1:43:08 > 1:43:10- Kevin. - What?
1:43:10 > 1:43:11Yeah, go ahead, have some.
1:43:11 > 1:43:13# I'm crazy about my baby
1:43:13 > 1:43:14# Crazy about my baby
1:43:14 > 1:43:17# Crazy about my baby Crazy about my baby... #
1:43:17 > 1:43:19CHEERING # Crazy about my baby
1:43:19 > 1:43:23# And my baby's crazy about me... #
1:43:23 > 1:43:24They're so beautiful.
1:43:24 > 1:43:27Mas vino por la mama. Gracias.
1:43:27 > 1:43:28Mm...mm!
1:43:28 > 1:43:30Well, hi.
1:43:30 > 1:43:32- Rosalind. - Yeah?
1:43:32 > 1:43:34I just have to say I underestimated you.
1:43:34 > 1:43:36Hmm.
1:43:36 > 1:43:38When it comes to relationships, I'm starting to see
1:43:38 > 1:43:40that you might actually know what you're talking about.
1:43:40 > 1:43:42CHUCKLING
1:43:42 > 1:43:43I appreciate that, Jack.
1:43:43 > 1:43:45Really. Thank you.
1:43:45 > 1:43:48I also was curious about the advice you gave Judge Ira.
1:43:48 > 1:43:49Hmm...
1:43:49 > 1:43:53Is that... classified information?
1:43:53 > 1:43:54I thought you'd never ask.
1:43:54 > 1:43:57I'm going to give you a crash course.
1:43:57 > 1:44:01OK? come here.
1:44:02 > 1:44:04Really?
1:44:04 > 1:44:06Uh-huh.
1:44:08 > 1:44:11And I do that for how many minutes?
1:44:11 > 1:44:14Hey, hey! There's my brother from another mother.
1:44:16 > 1:44:18Congratulations, Jacko.
1:44:18 > 1:44:19We made it.
1:44:19 > 1:44:21Put that away, Bernard.
1:44:24 > 1:44:27We're family now.
1:44:31 > 1:44:33We're family.
1:44:33 > 1:44:34Now if you'll excuse me,
1:44:34 > 1:44:37I have some unfinished business to take care of.
1:44:40 > 1:44:42Go get her, tiger!
1:44:42 > 1:44:45HE ROARS
1:44:45 > 1:44:47We Fockerised him.
1:44:47 > 1:44:48We sure did.
1:44:48 > 1:44:49I'd like to Fockerise you.
1:44:49 > 1:44:50SQUEALS
1:44:50 > 1:44:51# Crazy about you, baby
1:44:51 > 1:44:53# Crazy about you, baby
1:44:53 > 1:44:55# Crazy about you, baby
1:44:55 > 1:44:58# I know you're crazy about me... #
1:44:58 > 1:45:00CHEERING
1:45:00 > 1:45:02# Who's going to take my love away, nobody
1:45:02 > 1:45:05# Who's going to take my love?
1:45:05 > 1:45:07# Who's going to take my love away?
1:45:07 > 1:45:11# Who's going to take my love? #
1:45:11 > 1:45:14Sweetheart, do we have to hurry like this?
1:45:14 > 1:45:16Honey, we're on a covert operation.
1:45:16 > 1:45:17The bandleader told me we have 23 minutes
1:45:17 > 1:45:20before they cut the cake.
1:45:21 > 1:45:23# Crazy about my baby
1:45:23 > 1:45:25# My baby's crazy about me... #
1:45:25 > 1:45:27Jack, what are you doing?
1:45:27 > 1:45:28A little trick Bernie taught me.
1:45:28 > 1:45:32# Crazy about my baby Crazy about my baby
1:45:32 > 1:45:32# Crazy about my baby
1:45:32 > 1:45:33# Crazy about my baby
1:45:33 > 1:45:36# My baby's crazy about me
1:45:38 > 1:45:41# I'm crazy about my baby
1:45:41 > 1:45:43- # My baby's crazy about me.- #
1:45:52 > 1:45:53Now, let's find out,
1:45:53 > 1:45:58LJ, why the Ferber method isn't working.
1:45:59 > 1:46:01TAPE SQUEAKING IN REWIND
1:46:01 > 1:46:02CRYING
1:46:02 > 1:46:04Oh, hi, baby.
1:46:04 > 1:46:06Hi, Little Jack. OK.
1:46:06 > 1:46:08Oh, look what I brought you.
1:46:08 > 1:46:11Oh, what did I bring?
1:46:11 > 1:46:14A chocolate... for the baby.
1:46:14 > 1:46:16- GASPS - Yummy. Is that good?
1:46:16 > 1:46:18I know you're not supposed to have this.
1:46:18 > 1:46:20Grandpa Jack doesn't like chocolate.
1:46:20 > 1:46:21But he's a little, you know, wacko.
1:46:21 > 1:46:23Don't tell him, OK?
1:46:23 > 1:46:24You know what?
1:46:24 > 1:46:25I got some cake in the refrigerator.
1:46:25 > 1:46:27Later, I'll bring you that, OK?
1:46:27 > 1:46:29Chocolate cake. Good boy.
1:46:29 > 1:46:31But don't tell anyone, OK?
1:46:31 > 1:46:33OK, one more.
1:46:33 > 1:46:35TAPE SQUEAKING IN FAST FORWARD
1:46:35 > 1:46:37- LITTLE JACK CRYING - You yell and scream
1:46:37 > 1:46:38all you want, make noise.
1:46:38 > 1:46:39That's what this country's all about.
1:46:39 > 1:46:42I think we got a little protester on our hands.
1:46:42 > 1:46:44Oh, it figures, I should've known
1:46:44 > 1:46:46this was going to go on.
1:46:46 > 1:46:47Always question authority.
1:46:47 > 1:46:50You have to question everything El Stiffo Grandpa Jack says.
1:46:50 > 1:46:53You know why? because he's full of...
1:46:53 > 1:46:55He's full of... ah-zooga-zooga-zooga.
1:46:55 > 1:46:57Grandpa Jack's full of...
1:46:57 > 1:46:59a-poop-a-doop, a-poop-a-doop,
1:46:59 > 1:47:01- Oh... - a-poop-ah-doo.
1:47:01 > 1:47:03Grandpa Jack is full of...
1:47:03 > 1:47:04MAKING SQUIRTING NOISE
1:47:04 > 1:47:06TAPE SQUEALING IN FAST FORWARD
1:47:06 > 1:47:08GREG: There he is.
1:47:08 > 1:47:10Little man Jack.
1:47:10 > 1:47:11How you doing?
1:47:11 > 1:47:14Can I interest you in a little wodka?
1:47:14 > 1:47:15Just kidding.
1:47:15 > 1:47:18I'm, like, officially your uncle now,
1:47:18 > 1:47:19so I was thinking maybe I should give you
1:47:19 > 1:47:21some uncle-y advice.
1:47:21 > 1:47:23You know, little hints for surviving in this family,
1:47:23 > 1:47:24cos you got to learn to keep secrets
1:47:24 > 1:47:26from your psycho Grandpa Jack.
1:47:26 > 1:47:28He was really upset when you crawled
1:47:28 > 1:47:29out of the playpen, which is why we'd never tell him
1:47:29 > 1:47:31that instead of watching you,
1:47:31 > 1:47:33I was actually out by the lagoon
1:47:33 > 1:47:35smoking a little reefer.
1:47:35 > 1:47:36Shh...
1:47:36 > 1:47:38SIPS DRINK
1:47:38 > 1:47:41Or that whole thing about Pam being "pregnant."
1:47:41 > 1:47:43There's no little Focker on the way.
1:47:43 > 1:47:45Whole thing was just made up
1:47:45 > 1:47:46so Jack would let us get married.
1:47:46 > 1:47:49But you got to do what you got to do, right?
1:47:49 > 1:47:50That's cute.
1:47:50 > 1:47:53It's like a little alligator Tchotchke thing.
1:47:53 > 1:47:54What's that in its mouth?
1:47:54 > 1:47:55He's got, like, a...
1:47:55 > 1:47:57a camera!
1:47:57 > 1:47:59GASPS
1:47:59 > 1:48:00Busted.
1:48:02 > 1:48:03Hi, Jack.
1:48:03 > 1:48:05I knew you were there all along.
1:48:05 > 1:48:08I was just, er, doing a little show for you.
1:48:08 > 1:48:10You know I don't smoke pot or anything and Pam is pregnant.
1:48:10 > 1:48:11You should've seen the look on your face, though.
1:48:11 > 1:48:13Oh, so good.
1:48:13 > 1:48:16Ass...hoooole.
1:48:16 > 1:48:17CHUCKLING
1:48:17 > 1:48:19Hey, look at me, Jack.
1:48:19 > 1:48:20What am I?
1:48:20 > 1:48:23GROWLING
1:48:23 > 1:48:25I'm a frozen caveman.
1:48:25 > 1:48:27Study me, Jack.
1:48:27 > 1:48:29GIGGLING
1:48:29 > 1:48:31Learn how strange the Focker genetic code is.
1:48:31 > 1:48:33We are weird mutants who hug and kiss.
1:48:33 > 1:48:35We show emotion.
1:48:35 > 1:48:38Jack must learn from us
1:48:38 > 1:48:39- and chip away with his chisel - Oh, Focker...
1:48:39 > 1:48:41..and hammer of truth.
1:48:41 > 1:48:42Ooga booga!
1:49:00 > 1:49:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd