0:01:58 > 0:02:01Evening News and Standard.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Evening News and Standard.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Early edition.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10Evening News and Standard. All the runners and riders. Evening News and Standard.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27OK, Phil.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Hello, Mum.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50So you've done it again.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54I've had a reply. From your grandfather's lawyer.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Oh, Mum!
0:02:56 > 0:03:00You haven't written to Grandad to get me another job?
0:03:00 > 0:03:05And why not? It's time he took responsibility for his grandson.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07But Mum...
0:03:08 > 0:03:11He's Prime Minister of Great Britain.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14He can't do anything for me.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Don't be silly.- Oh...
0:03:19 > 0:03:22He gets me all the wrong jobs!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Banker. Accountant.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Stockbroker. I haven't been educated for that stuff.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30You have an appointment at 10:30.
0:03:31 > 0:03:36Come home and put on your best suit. You mustn't be late, whatever happens.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51HE COUGHS POLITELY
0:04:54 > 0:04:57They've been waiting an hour and ten minutes.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- I couldn't help it. - BOTH:- The traffic was terrible!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Ah...!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Hello? Norman Shields here.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Are you receiving me? Over.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Wait. Over.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16As Attorney General, I have for many years beseeched you
0:05:16 > 0:05:20to accept responsibility for your grandson.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Damnation, Mr Ballard.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28You know...full well...
0:05:29 > 0:05:32..that I cut my daughter off... without a penny...
0:05:32 > 0:05:34when she married that...that...
0:05:34 > 0:05:36that...that lout.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40I know, I know. But he is still your grandson, Sir Wilfred.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45- Times have changed. These are modern days.- Modern days...? Bah!
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Give me...the good old days.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Now, when I was on the threshold of life...
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Oh, dear. Not again.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12It... It seems but yesterday...
0:06:13 > 0:06:15..that I...
0:06:15 > 0:06:17was an undergraduate...
0:06:17 > 0:06:19at...erm...
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Oxford.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26And...a fine, upstanding...
0:06:26 > 0:06:28young fellow...
0:06:28 > 0:06:33I was, too. That year...I met Isabel.
0:06:33 > 0:06:38I dreamt of the day when I could hold her in my arms.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40But the fulfilment
0:06:40 > 0:06:44of those dreams came as rather a surprise.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Oh, Wilfred, you're magnificent.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Such control. Such grace!
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Oh, I say. Do you really think so?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Oh, absolutely. Such determination.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Such power!
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Such strength.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Oh!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Wilfred, help! Help me!
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Oh, it's all right, darling. It's only shallow here.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I'll save you.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Isabel!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Wilfred!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Oh, my darling Isabel.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I adore you.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Daddy!
0:08:13 > 0:08:17And so...a marriage was arranged.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Events took their natural course and a daughter was born.
0:08:21 > 0:08:28Little Emily grew up and blossomed into a true English rose.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33But, alas, the beautiful rose became a thorn in my side.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Women staged...a demonstration...
0:08:39 > 0:08:41demanding equality.
0:08:41 > 0:08:47Emily...became...a suffragette.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50And, chaining herself... to the railings...
0:08:50 > 0:08:54of this historic...old building,
0:08:54 > 0:08:56she actually shouted...
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Votes for women! Votes for women!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01We demand sex equality.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03We want our rates.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06THEY CHANT: We want votes. We want to be...
0:09:06 > 0:09:10recognised by all as the head of the family. We want equality.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12We demand our rights.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15We love Emily because of the way she fights!
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Chain me to the railings. Stab me, let me die.
0:09:19 > 0:09:25Why can't women vote like men? Why? Why? Why? We want votes. We want to be...
0:09:25 > 0:09:28recognised by all as the head of the family.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Why don't you leave off?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33A woman's place is in the kitchen.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Let's have a bit of peace and quiet.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39We want votes... 'Fate chose this precise moment
0:09:39 > 0:09:42'to intervene. The rains came.'
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Want to come down here?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Votes for women!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Votes for women!
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Votes for...
0:09:56 > 0:09:58RUMBLE OF THUNDER Help!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Help!
0:10:43 > 0:10:48'Thus, the blue-blooded dignity of our family...
0:10:48 > 0:10:51'was shattered.'
0:10:51 > 0:10:56And so the wedding took place between my daughter Emily
0:10:56 > 0:10:58and...and...
0:10:58 > 0:11:02erm...erm...Bert Shields.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04A...A...
0:11:04 > 0:11:06A sewer man.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11A union...blessed by the birth of a son.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15My grandson...Norman.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21HE CLEARS THROAT
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Morning, Mr Ballard.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31You were expecting me.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Yes. One hour and ten minutes ago.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38This way.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Say hello.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Hello. Er...
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Grandad.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Don't... Don't you call me Grandad.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Prime Minister, after all, he is your grandson.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01And you can't blame me either.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Hold your tongue and sit down.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14So, what kind of job are we going to get him this time, Ballard?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I've already got a job, hain't I?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Yesterday I stumbled on what may be a solution.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24Major Bartlett, a Conservative, owns a newspaper.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Miss Thomson...
0:12:28 > 0:12:32See...if you can find Major Bartlett in the House.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35'He's already here, sir.'
0:12:35 > 0:12:37I took the liberty.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Hmph.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Ah...um...
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Journalism, eh?
0:12:44 > 0:12:47That's what I'm doing already.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49In a way.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51In a way?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54I sell newspapers outside Westminster tube station.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57A news...A newsboy?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00In...In Westminster?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09You knew... You knew about this, Ballard?
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Yes. That's why I thought a change might be a good idea.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Show...Major...
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Show Major...erm...
0:13:18 > 0:13:19in.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Major...erm...
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Bart...
0:13:31 > 0:13:36Bartlett, sir. Major Bartlett. You've considered my application?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38The junior ministerial vacancy.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Yes... Junior Minister...
0:13:42 > 0:13:46I beg your pardon. I don't think I've had the pleasure.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47You remind me of someone.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51My grandson... Shields.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Delighted to meet you.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- Are you up for the post? - No, I'm only a...- ..Newspaper man.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Well, what a coincidence. So am I.
0:14:01 > 0:14:06Major Bartlett owns the Tinmouth Times in his constituency.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09A town in the West Country. Over 200 miles away.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11200 miles?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14That's a nice, long way.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17My grandson was just telling me...
0:14:17 > 0:14:22how much he would like to work on a provincial newspaper.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30- I say, Prime Minister, I have a splendid idea. - Good! That's settled, then.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35He starts tomorrow. Thanks, Major. I won't take more of your time.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37The junior ministerial vacancy -
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- could I have a decision? - Don't worry.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42I've got your name well in mind.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48You sort out the travel arrangements.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54A one-way ticket to Tinmouth.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56It's already done, Prime Minister.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Ballard... 200 miles!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05200 miles! Ballard...
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Oh, thank you, Ballard.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Now, sir. We're wanted in the House.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Miss Thomson will take care of you, Mr Shields.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Goodbye.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23200 miles!
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Ballard. Ballard!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27CRASH
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Tinmouth! Tinmouth!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Tinmouth! >
0:15:53 > 0:15:54GUARD BLOWS WHISTLE
0:15:59 > 0:16:01< Young man!
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Young man! My bag! You've got my bag!
0:16:04 > 0:16:06THIS is yours.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Please! Give me my bag!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16GROWS DISTANT: Give me my bag! >
0:16:16 > 0:16:19You've got yours! Give me my... >
0:16:19 > 0:16:20bag!
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Look after that. I'll be back.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00You got back, then?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- She got her bag, though. That lady. - Oh, yeah? Where?
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Penzance.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Can I have mine, please?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Here.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Thank you.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Not bad.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Not at all bad.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Ah, Shields!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Bartlett.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22You were due here at nine o'clock.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26I suppose the first morning... A bit of a rush, I expect.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30I dare say you'd like to meet your colleagues.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35This is Mr Norman Shields, our new reporter.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Mr Ross, the editor.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Miss Lampton.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45I hope you'll be very happy with us.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50All right. Come with me.
0:19:12 > 0:19:17I expect from my staff the capacity for work and punctuality.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I regret to note you lack the last. Understand?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Right, chief.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24You do shorthand, of course?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Afraid not.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28You type?
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Shields, do you think you could cover this?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Right, chief. What is it?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- A jumble sale.- Jumble sale!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47"To be opened by the mayor Alderman Corcoran..."
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Mr Shields, I've read it.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Right.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Now, here is a map.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11You will find the Congregational Hall on this map.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- Right, chief. - Don't call me chief all the time.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Notebook?
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Pencil?
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Yellow.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Got a bicycle?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52You'll have to buy one.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55In the meantime, borrow one from Pearson.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Right, chief.
0:22:29 > 0:22:34- I'm looking for the Congregational Hall.- That was it there.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Fred.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Hydrant. And I had this all...
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Miss?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Miss? Miss? Miss, miss, miss, miss, miss?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Tinmouth Times.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Make way for the press.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Excuse me.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Are you the mayor?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14I've erm... I've been sent to cover the jumble sale.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- Press, you know. - It's been postponed.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Ah.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Post...poned.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- Because of the fire?- Talk to this gentleman. He is responsible.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27What, for the fire? Ooh, hoo!
0:23:27 > 0:23:29No, no, for the jumble sale.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Oh, I beg your pardon.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33I seem to have come too late.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37You can't be too late. I told you, it's been postponed.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Yeah, well, thanks very much.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Have you seen a bike?
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Oi! My bike!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10That's mine! You thieving...!
0:24:15 > 0:24:21- Here. Hey... This isn't the stop. Not right. Unfair to the others. - That man!
0:24:21 > 0:24:26- He's pinched my bike!- Has he, now? That's not right. No. No.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Faster. Faster.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Faster!
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Follow that bike!
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Tell him to go faster.- Go faster. - Put your foot down. Watch!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42That's my bike he's on!
0:24:44 > 0:24:49Never mind the queue. We'll call for them on the way back. Shall I tell them?
0:24:52 > 0:24:53BELL RINGS
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Hang on. Won't be long.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I told them we won't be long.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06It's very kind of you, tubby.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19- Don't let him gain on us, tubby. - Don't let him gain on us.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Get a move on. He's got a bike, YOU'VE got a bloomin' bus!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27TYRES SCREECH
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Either hurry up and catch him or go the other way, will you?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56You're closing on him. That's it.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Go on. You're dropping behind now.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Good boy. Ha ha ha!
0:26:07 > 0:26:11He's got my bike and I'm determined to have him!
0:26:12 > 0:26:14HORN BLARES
0:26:14 > 0:26:15CRASH
0:26:26 > 0:26:31You've let him get away! Keep going and we'll head him off.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47He's behind. I told you. We got him!
0:26:47 > 0:26:52It's no use. We got you. You can't beat a bus. Slow down. I'll get him.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Slow down!
0:27:04 > 0:27:07He's gone right. Take the next turning.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Turn right.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Excuse me. I say...
0:27:51 > 0:27:53I... I'm really most awfully sorry,
0:27:53 > 0:27:56but that wasn't my bike after all.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Can I help you?
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Oh, thank you very much.
0:28:46 > 0:28:50- You ARE going in here, aren't you? - Yes, I am. Thank you.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Thank you very much.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03Young man, this isn't my...
0:29:05 > 0:29:07You again!
0:29:42 > 0:29:46Well! If it isn't our new ace reporter.
0:29:46 > 0:29:50A funny thing happened on the way to the jumble today.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54Come on. Cheer up. Have a drink.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56I don't really erm...
0:29:56 > 0:30:00Oh, come on. Be a devil. You're a reporter now.
0:30:01 > 0:30:02Eddie?
0:30:03 > 0:30:05Same again, Miss Lampton?
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Yes, but make it two.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24Well...
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Good reporting.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Quite nice.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49NORMAN GURGLES
0:31:00 > 0:31:02It's not bad.
0:31:03 > 0:31:07I think I'll have some of this. Same again...
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Eddie.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37I'm so glad I met you tonight.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41I can't tell you how glad.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Well, I've got quite an evening ahead of me.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48I have to cover the council meeting.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Do you think I could come?
0:31:50 > 0:31:54I've never been to... never been to a council meeting.
0:31:54 > 0:31:59Well, you must be mad but, if you want to, you're welcome.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Marvellous. Really?
0:32:03 > 0:32:05See you.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08Ah-ah.
0:33:20 > 0:33:24That's where the lady mayor, Alderman Mrs Corcoran, sits.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26Labour, of course.
0:33:26 > 0:33:27Up there?
0:33:29 > 0:33:31Doesn't she get dizzy?
0:33:31 > 0:33:33The lady mayor is always dizzy.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36So are her council.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38I heard what you said.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40Let me inform you, sir,
0:33:40 > 0:33:43the lady's remarks refer to the Labour members,
0:33:43 > 0:33:45not to us Conservatives.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Well, bully for you, Councillor.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51Ah, there's the mayor's husband.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58- Conservative?- No. Labour.
0:33:58 > 0:34:02Alderman Corcoran. The agenda - I have something to say.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05- Keep your ears open and you'll hear what- I- have to say.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10Conservatives are on the right. Labour are on the left.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12Labour have the majority.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46HE HICCUPS VIOLENTLY
0:34:46 > 0:34:47Hic!
0:34:58 > 0:34:59Hic!
0:35:01 > 0:35:02Hic!
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Hic!
0:35:04 > 0:35:06Hic!
0:35:09 > 0:35:10Sh!
0:35:23 > 0:35:24Hic!
0:35:24 > 0:35:26..a glass of water?
0:35:28 > 0:35:30Hic!
0:35:33 > 0:35:34Hic!
0:35:36 > 0:35:38Hic!
0:35:41 > 0:35:43Hic!
0:36:03 > 0:36:05Hic!
0:36:07 > 0:36:08Hic!
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Psst!
0:36:31 > 0:36:32Hic!
0:36:51 > 0:36:53Hello, gorgeous.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57It's a bit crowded in here tonight.
0:36:57 > 0:37:02Harry Marshall, the County Chronicle. Norman Shields, The Times.
0:37:04 > 0:37:10Herewith convenes... CONTINUES IN UNINTELLIGIBLE LEGALESE
0:37:14 > 0:37:19CONTINUES SPEAKING NONSENSE
0:37:23 > 0:37:27That's the town clerk Mr Nottage. A bore, but he's all right.
0:37:31 > 0:37:35Hold the fort for me. I'll be back for the speeches.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00Now I call upon Hawdrobe Corved.
0:38:02 > 0:38:08As chairman of the housing committee, I say without fear of contradiction
0:38:08 > 0:38:11our housing record is second to none.
0:38:11 > 0:38:15I speak for us all on this side of the chamber...
0:38:27 > 0:38:29The speeches are on!
0:38:34 > 0:38:36We have opposition,
0:38:36 > 0:38:42- particularly from certain members... - She's on... - ..on the other side of the chamber.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45- And impediments...- She's on the...
0:38:45 > 0:38:49..with the single-minded determination we have displayed
0:38:49 > 0:38:52in all our undertakings for this town.
0:38:52 > 0:38:54She's on the phone.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57Her boyfriend, I suppose.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Boyfriend?
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Major Bartlett.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05The major?
0:39:05 > 0:39:07He owns the newspaper.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11He's a member of parliament. She knows what she's doing.
0:39:11 > 0:39:16During our term of office, we have built 1,000 houses.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18- I don't believe it!- Sh!
0:39:21 > 0:39:24So Councillor Edge doesn't believe it?
0:39:24 > 0:39:29Councillor flaming Edge has the nerve to call me a liar to my face!
0:39:29 > 0:39:34- I shall ask Councillor flaming Edge to apologise!- Point of order!
0:39:34 > 0:39:38- Sit down! - He'll feel the back of my hand if he's not careful!
0:39:38 > 0:39:42- Point of order! - Mr Mayor, I protest.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45- Vulgar exhibitionism! - Don't you tell me...
0:39:45 > 0:39:47PANDEMONIUM
0:39:55 > 0:39:57You're the cause of this!
0:39:57 > 0:39:59You're the...
0:40:00 > 0:40:04- I've got to explain! Mrs Mayor! - Shut up!
0:40:09 > 0:40:11Order, please!
0:40:11 > 0:40:13Oh, dear.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18Hey, why don't you shut up!
0:40:18 > 0:40:22HE SPEAKS NONSENSE
0:40:22 > 0:40:26I have been insulted by a man unfit to clean my shoes!
0:40:26 > 0:40:30- It wasn't me! It was that idiot reporter. - It was nothing of the kind.
0:40:30 > 0:40:34- Trying to wriggle out of it? You yellow belly!- Order!
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Mr Nottage, do something, please!
0:40:36 > 0:40:38MAKES INCOMPREHENSIBLE ANNOUNCEMENT
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Mrs Thingummy!
0:40:47 > 0:40:49Ladies and gentlemen!
0:40:49 > 0:40:51Mr Mayspell, kindly remove this man.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02Order. Order, please!
0:41:14 > 0:41:18Starting a fight like this is absolutely disgraceful!
0:41:21 > 0:41:23I've been stabbed!
0:41:23 > 0:41:25You murderer! Traitor!
0:41:25 > 0:41:28Rabble! Housewife!
0:41:29 > 0:41:32You Tory butcher!
0:41:32 > 0:41:35I'm dying. Meeting adjourned.
0:41:35 > 0:41:41- Meeting adjourned. Meeting adjourned. - Oh, boy, what a story!
0:42:02 > 0:42:04That is the last of the coffee.
0:42:04 > 0:42:08No, no. I don't want any more coffee.
0:42:08 > 0:42:11- I've had about a gallon already. - Come on.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Now, what happened?
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Oh... Ah...
0:42:17 > 0:42:19Alderman Corcoran said...
0:42:20 > 0:42:23..He said he was going to clump Councillor Edge
0:42:23 > 0:42:25round the ear hole.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28Well, go on.
0:42:28 > 0:42:30SPEAKS UNINTELLIGIBLY
0:42:30 > 0:42:33- # Susanna's a wonderful soul. # - HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:42:33 > 0:42:38HE CONTINUES BABBLING
0:42:38 > 0:42:40Look. Have some more coffee, please.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42No.
0:42:47 > 0:42:49UPTEMPO JAZZ ON RADIO
0:43:08 > 0:43:10Now...
0:43:10 > 0:43:13Please...go on with the story.
0:43:14 > 0:43:16A lady hit a man
0:43:16 > 0:43:18on top of the head.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Who hit who on top of the head?
0:43:20 > 0:43:23You silly, little man.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26A lady hit a man on top of the head.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Oooh...
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Who hit who...?
0:43:31 > 0:43:33I don't know.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36- Try and think. - The meeting was adjourned.
0:43:36 > 0:43:40- And that's all. - Take it off. I'll sponge it.
0:43:40 > 0:43:42PHONE RINGS
0:43:44 > 0:43:49- Hello?- Hello, poppet. I've changed my mind. I'm on my way over.
0:43:49 > 0:43:53While we were talking, there was a riot at the meeting.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56I see.
0:43:56 > 0:43:58He had a couple of drinks
0:43:58 > 0:44:00and I had to get the story somehow.
0:44:00 > 0:44:04Eleanor... Could we twist the angle a bit?
0:44:04 > 0:44:06Arrange it to suit ourselves?
0:44:06 > 0:44:09Give it an anti-Labour slant?
0:44:10 > 0:44:12It'll be Shields's article.
0:44:12 > 0:44:16Try to get rid of him. See you later. Bye.
0:44:16 > 0:44:19Bye.
0:44:56 > 0:44:59Do you know where I could get a bed, please?
0:45:03 > 0:45:05Not at this time of night.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08I was just wondering, you know,
0:45:08 > 0:45:11perhaps you could fix me up at your place...
0:45:11 > 0:45:13The police station?
0:45:13 > 0:45:16- Mm.- Haven't done anything wrong, have you?
0:45:16 > 0:45:18Who, me? No. No.
0:45:18 > 0:45:20Then, keep moving.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22What, all night?
0:46:10 > 0:46:12He did what?
0:46:12 > 0:46:15No, Lady Mayor.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17Yes, Lady Mayor.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20I see, Lady Mayor.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22Goodbye.
0:46:22 > 0:46:26Apparently, we've distorted all the facts.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29According to her, Shields started it all.
0:46:29 > 0:46:31Oh, no.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33What are we going to do? Sack him.
0:46:33 > 0:46:36Wait a minute. After all, he has got...
0:46:36 > 0:46:38TOGETHER: What?
0:46:38 > 0:46:42- Potentiality.- Potentiality? He hasn't even come in yet!
0:48:16 > 0:48:18Ah...
0:48:18 > 0:48:20Mr Shields?
0:48:21 > 0:48:24Could you spare a moment of your time?
0:48:31 > 0:48:35Major Bartlett would like to see you in his office.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37- What for?- What for?
0:48:37 > 0:48:40We've got a right one here, haven't we?
0:48:40 > 0:48:42You've been here a few days
0:48:42 > 0:48:46and you've got the council at each other's throats!
0:48:46 > 0:48:48Do you know, Mr Shields,
0:48:48 > 0:48:51because of you, a councillor's in hospital,
0:48:51 > 0:48:53with a wound that needed five stitches?!
0:48:53 > 0:48:58That Councillor Edge is in bed with nervous prostration?!
0:48:58 > 0:49:02And that Mrs O'Connor has resigned from the council and public life?!
0:49:02 > 0:49:07Why do you think the Major wants to see you in his office?
0:49:09 > 0:49:11Sack?
0:49:11 > 0:49:13Good boy.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26Morning, Major.
0:49:26 > 0:49:28Morning, Eleanor.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31Er... Miss Lampton.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33You wanted to see me, sir?
0:49:33 > 0:49:36Simply to congratulate you.
0:49:38 > 0:49:40Congratulate me?
0:49:40 > 0:49:42On your splendid article.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44Look, it wasn't really me.
0:49:44 > 0:49:46Miss Lampton...
0:49:46 > 0:49:49It was your story, Mr Shields.
0:49:49 > 0:49:52Fair's fair.
0:49:52 > 0:49:54She wrote it.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58But from the facts you gave me. The credit is all yours.
0:49:58 > 0:50:01Well... If you say so.
0:50:01 > 0:50:06Good. So we're all agreed it was entirely your article?
0:50:06 > 0:50:08All agreed?
0:50:08 > 0:50:13Good. Because it's upset all the members of the council.
0:50:13 > 0:50:16I suggest you go to the Mayor forthwith to apologise.
0:50:16 > 0:50:19- On your way, Shields. - Do I really have to apologise?
0:50:19 > 0:50:23Use Pearson's bicycle. This time, don't lose it.
0:50:23 > 0:50:25- Right, chief. - And don't call me chief!
0:50:25 > 0:50:27Well, roger and out, then.
0:50:30 > 0:50:33- DOOR SLAMS - Do you know something?
0:50:33 > 0:50:35Norman's got a thing about you.
0:50:40 > 0:50:42PLAYGROUND CHATTER
0:51:00 > 0:51:03- Who threw this?- I did. - What have you got here, Mister?
0:51:10 > 0:51:15- Give us a ride on your bike, mister! - Oi, shorty!
0:52:24 > 0:52:28Good morning. May I be permitted to speak to Her Worship Lady Mayor?
0:52:28 > 0:52:30Won't you sit down?
0:52:30 > 0:52:32< Come on!
0:52:52 > 0:52:54Good gracious!
0:52:55 > 0:52:59Morning, Your Worship. I'm Shields, of the Times.
0:52:59 > 0:53:01Yes, I remember you.
0:53:01 > 0:53:05Perhaps you'd like to put your bicycle in the kitchen.
0:53:14 > 0:53:16Careful.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32Oh, careful!
0:54:00 > 0:54:02Just...
0:54:07 > 0:54:09JACKET RIPS
0:54:10 > 0:54:12Take it!
0:54:24 > 0:54:27Oh, my dear, this is Mr Shields of the Times.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30Mr Shields, my daughter Liz.
0:54:30 > 0:54:31How do you do?
0:54:31 > 0:54:33How do you do?
0:54:34 > 0:54:36Shouldn't we let him down?
0:54:51 > 0:54:52Put your glasses on!
0:55:20 > 0:55:22Thank you.
0:55:22 > 0:55:24The kitchen.
0:55:28 > 0:55:31Oh, dear. We'd better tidy up. Come on.
0:55:32 > 0:55:34What does he want?
0:55:34 > 0:55:37That, my dear, I've yet to find out.
0:55:41 > 0:55:43I'm sorry about that.
0:55:43 > 0:55:47Still. It's nice to have a bit of peace and quiet, isn't it?
0:55:47 > 0:55:49POTS AND PANS CRASH
0:55:49 > 0:55:52My husband.
0:55:52 > 0:55:54Ernest, is that you, dear?
0:55:54 > 0:55:56Who the hell do you think it was?
0:55:59 > 0:56:03What maniac left that there? Mr Shields of the Times.
0:56:03 > 0:56:07- Daddy, do keep calm.- I will keep calm when I'm good and ready.
0:56:08 > 0:56:13Put your glasses on. You're blinking like a pedestrian crossing.
0:56:13 > 0:56:15What do you want?
0:56:15 > 0:56:19I came about last night's meeting. You made a mistake.
0:56:19 > 0:56:22Last night's... Oh, I'll deal with this, dear.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24You two go and make coffee, eh?
0:56:24 > 0:56:26But I wanted to apologise.
0:56:26 > 0:56:30- Come and have a drink, Shields. - No. I've packed it up.
0:56:30 > 0:56:33Last night's council meeting, eh?
0:56:33 > 0:56:37I was responsible. It was me who said it, not Mr Edge.
0:56:37 > 0:56:39Of course it was.
0:56:39 > 0:56:41I knew it all the time.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43Do you think I'm deaf, then?
0:56:45 > 0:56:48It couldn't have been Edge, anyway.
0:56:48 > 0:56:50Why not?
0:56:50 > 0:56:53Cos he hasn't got the guts!
0:56:53 > 0:56:54< LAUGHTER RESOUNDS
0:56:54 > 0:56:59- Would you like an item of real interest for your paper?- Yes.
0:56:59 > 0:57:01- Here you are.- Hold these.
0:57:02 > 0:57:04Now, then.
0:57:04 > 0:57:09- There is only one man that matters in Tinmouth.- Only one.
0:57:09 > 0:57:12Only one. And that is Alderman Ernie Corcoran.
0:57:12 > 0:57:14Sure.
0:57:16 > 0:57:19And Major blasted Bartlett knows that too.
0:57:19 > 0:57:23I bet he won't even have the nerve to turn up on Saturday.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26- Where?- To the Keir Hardy Estate, you fool.- Where's that?
0:57:26 > 0:57:29The opening of the 1,000th house.
0:57:29 > 0:57:33Here. With an election just around the corner,
0:57:33 > 0:57:35that will be worth 500 votes to me.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37< LAUGHTER
0:57:37 > 0:57:42When that time comes, there'll be a new man on the train for Westminster.
0:57:43 > 0:57:46No Major blasted Bartlett. Oh, no.
0:57:46 > 0:57:49Yeah. Guess who?
0:57:49 > 0:57:51I don't know. Guess who...?
0:57:55 > 0:57:58It's on the tip of my tongue.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01Ernie Corcoran!
0:58:01 > 0:58:03< That's right!
0:58:04 > 0:58:08Here. Off you go. And don't forget, eh?
0:58:08 > 0:58:12Go on. I couldn't forget Ernie Corcoran now.
0:58:12 > 0:58:15Publish and be damned!
0:58:17 > 0:58:19Publish and be...
0:58:19 > 0:58:21damn...
0:58:29 > 0:58:33Publish and be... I'll just put my shoes on.
0:58:37 > 0:58:39Won't you stay for coffee?
0:58:39 > 0:58:41I'd better not, thanks.
0:58:41 > 0:58:43- Your bike.- Oh, yeah.
0:58:45 > 0:58:47It must be awfully exciting.
0:58:47 > 0:58:51It's all right downhill, but uphill gets your legs.
0:58:51 > 0:58:54- I mean working on a newspaper.- Oh.
0:58:54 > 0:58:56The press and everything.
0:58:56 > 0:59:00That's exciting too. Why don't you pop in sometime?
0:59:00 > 0:59:04- I'd love to. Thank you very much. - It's all right. Bye.
0:59:04 > 0:59:08Oh, don't you think it would be easier out the back way?
0:59:08 > 0:59:10Well... Safer.
0:59:27 > 0:59:30Little Norman strikes again.
0:59:30 > 0:59:33But it's the truth. Mr Corcoran word for word.
0:59:33 > 0:59:35You have a lot to learn.
0:59:35 > 0:59:38Ah, Mr Shields, would you be so kind
0:59:38 > 0:59:41as to pop along to the Major's office?
0:59:41 > 0:59:43He would like a few words with you.
1:00:08 > 1:00:12So, Alderman Corcoran is going to Westminster, not me?
1:00:12 > 1:00:15- So he said. - You expect me to publish that?
1:00:15 > 1:00:18- "Publish and be damned," he said. There it is.- Get out!
1:00:18 > 1:00:20- Out?- Out! Out of the office!
1:00:20 > 1:00:23Out of this town. Out of the country.
1:00:23 > 1:00:25PHONE RINGS
1:00:29 > 1:00:31What? Who?
1:00:31 > 1:00:37Can't you speak up?! Oh, Mr Prime Minister. Yes, he's right here, sir.
1:00:37 > 1:00:39He wants to speak to you.
1:00:39 > 1:00:42Hello, Grandad.
1:00:42 > 1:00:44No, it's no good. I don't....
1:00:44 > 1:00:46I can't help it.
1:00:46 > 1:00:52- I shall be back at Westminster tomorrow, it looks like. - YELLING FROM PHONE
1:00:52 > 1:00:55Mr Prime Minister? He must have misunderstood.
1:00:55 > 1:00:58No, he's a great asset to the newspaper.
1:00:58 > 1:01:02Yes. Oh, no, sir. No, no. I've promoted him.
1:01:02 > 1:01:04Yes. To erm...
1:01:04 > 1:01:07Er...political and municipal correspondent.
1:01:07 > 1:01:09Yes, he's a splendid fellow.
1:01:09 > 1:01:11A chip off the old block.
1:01:11 > 1:01:14Yes, sir. Right, Mr Prime Minister.
1:01:16 > 1:01:19Political and municipal... Cor!
1:01:19 > 1:01:22What do you reckon will be my first assignment?
1:01:22 > 1:01:25Keir Hardy Estate. Tomorrow.
1:01:25 > 1:01:27At the 1,000th house.
1:01:27 > 1:01:29Old Corcoran mentioned that.
1:01:29 > 1:01:32He said it was worth 500 votes to him.
1:01:32 > 1:01:36Another thing... I shouldn't tell you, really.
1:01:36 > 1:01:39He reckons you would be too scared to go!
1:01:40 > 1:01:42- He did, did he?- Yeah.
1:01:42 > 1:01:44Send Mr Ross in, please.
1:01:44 > 1:01:46Yeah, I'll tell him.
1:01:53 > 1:01:57Mr Ross, would you be so kind as to pop into the Major's office?
1:01:57 > 1:01:59He'd like a few words with you.
1:02:04 > 1:02:06Ha ha ha ha!
1:02:06 > 1:02:08For heaven's sake!
1:02:08 > 1:02:13I've been promoted. The Major said, "My dear lad, you are an asset."
1:02:14 > 1:02:16So...
1:02:16 > 1:02:19We have a new political correspondent.
1:02:19 > 1:02:22Political...AND municipal.
1:02:22 > 1:02:27- And municipal.- Rather a long one, don't you think?
1:02:27 > 1:02:31- Shouldn't you be at a baby show? I'm on my way!- Eleanor?
1:02:31 > 1:02:35- Eleanor?- If I don't go soon, the babies will be adolescent.
1:02:35 > 1:02:38Come out tonight. I must celebrate.
1:02:38 > 1:02:40Let me take you to dinner.
1:02:40 > 1:02:42Come on.
1:02:42 > 1:02:44Oh, all right. Just this once.
1:02:48 > 1:02:51Victorian Hotel. Half-past seven.
1:02:51 > 1:02:53< Got it!
1:03:01 > 1:03:03SOFT MUSIC ON RADIO
1:03:26 > 1:03:29I've always wanted to do that!
1:03:34 > 1:03:37I'm supposed to be meeting a girlfriend.
1:03:37 > 1:03:39But I'm early.
1:03:40 > 1:03:43I'm supposed to be meeting someone too.
1:03:44 > 1:03:47You could teach me to wiggle my fingers.
1:03:49 > 1:03:51Will you order now, sir?
1:03:54 > 1:03:57What will you have to drink, Miss Corcoran?
1:03:57 > 1:03:59Please call me Liz.
1:03:59 > 1:04:02Orange squash. I don't drink alcohol.
1:04:02 > 1:04:04One orange. And?
1:04:04 > 1:04:06Two orange squashes.
1:04:13 > 1:04:15Erm...
1:04:16 > 1:04:18Your dad's quite a character.
1:04:18 > 1:04:21He liked you too. I can always tell.
1:04:22 > 1:04:26Honestly! He said, "I think that man will be useful to me."
1:04:28 > 1:04:29Oh, did he?
1:04:29 > 1:04:31The stuff about the Estate
1:04:31 > 1:04:37and Ernest Corcoran being the only man to matter, the Major wouldn't print.
1:04:37 > 1:04:40I'm not surprised. It's a Tory newspaper.
1:04:40 > 1:04:43I am doing the opening of the 1,000th house.
1:04:43 > 1:04:45They're going to print what I say.
1:04:58 > 1:05:01Darling, I'm glad you found a little friend.
1:05:01 > 1:05:04It's awful. I can't make it tonight.
1:05:04 > 1:05:08I'm stuck with an office thing. A press girl's life isn't her own.
1:05:08 > 1:05:11Sweetie, I'm sorry. Believe me.
1:05:11 > 1:05:15I'll explain all about it in the morning. Now, have fun, you two.
1:05:49 > 1:05:51She's got some lovely clothes.
1:05:54 > 1:05:56I'm sorry, Norman.
1:05:57 > 1:05:59- Liz?- Yes, Norman?
1:05:59 > 1:06:01Put your hands together.
1:06:03 > 1:06:05Now, press your fingers down.
1:06:05 > 1:06:07No, only the two middle ones.
1:06:10 > 1:06:13That's lovely. Put your glasses on again, eh?
1:06:15 > 1:06:18Right, now. Finger exercises begin.
1:06:56 > 1:06:57No!
1:06:59 > 1:07:02Hey, bricks are for building, not throwing.
1:07:12 > 1:07:14Thank you.
1:07:20 > 1:07:23Sorry, sir. I didn't notice you was in there.
1:07:34 > 1:07:35Oh!
1:07:35 > 1:07:37I nearly did it again!
1:07:37 > 1:07:38HE YELLS IN PAIN
1:08:40 > 1:08:44- Oh, no...- Don't worry. Shut your eyes and don't look down.
1:09:01 > 1:09:03Are you all right?
1:09:20 > 1:09:22SHE WHISPERS INAUDIBLY
1:09:40 > 1:09:46HE SPEAKS UNINTELLIGIBLY
1:09:48 > 1:09:51HE CONTINUES BABBLING
1:10:23 > 1:10:26Your Worship, Mr Councillor, ladies and gentlemen.
1:10:26 > 1:10:30Never mind the speeches. When can we get our house?
1:10:30 > 1:10:33Wait a minute, please. As your Conservative MP,
1:10:33 > 1:10:37I congratulate your Labour corporation
1:10:37 > 1:10:40on reaching our target of 1,000 houses at last.
1:10:40 > 1:10:44YOUR target? Twaddle! You lot talk, we build.
1:10:44 > 1:10:46- Whose idea was it?- Who built it?
1:10:46 > 1:10:50Never mind who did what. Cut the politics. When can we get in?
1:10:50 > 1:10:56Please don't. Ladies and gentlemen, I am delighted to be here today.
1:10:56 > 1:10:58And now, without more ado,
1:10:58 > 1:11:02I formally open the 1,000th house with this golden key.
1:11:03 > 1:11:05Key...
1:11:07 > 1:11:09- Key?- Key.
1:11:09 > 1:11:11The key.
1:11:11 > 1:11:14Key.
1:11:34 > 1:11:36Right. Everybody sit down.
1:11:36 > 1:11:39Sit down and don't panic. I know where to find it.
1:11:39 > 1:11:44Don't sit down. I'm taking the chair away. Ha ha ha ha!
1:11:45 > 1:11:47I... Ladies and gentlemen,
1:11:47 > 1:11:52I would be doing less than my duty were I not to thank
1:11:52 > 1:11:57all the people behind the scenes who worked so hard on the planning.
1:11:57 > 1:11:59And of course, we must...
1:12:01 > 1:12:03THE CROWD LAUGHS
1:12:21 > 1:12:23I've got it. The golden key!
1:12:23 > 1:12:25Got it. I've got the key.
1:12:25 > 1:12:28I've found it. Everybody, on your feet.
1:12:28 > 1:12:31On your feet. It was under the platform. I've got it.
1:12:31 > 1:12:35Everybody into the house. Inside. Come on.
1:12:49 > 1:12:52This is the hall.
1:12:52 > 1:12:54And that is the lounge.
1:12:55 > 1:12:57- Hall and the...- ..lounge.
1:13:00 > 1:13:02Excuse me.
1:13:18 > 1:13:21The bedrooms are upstairs.
1:13:27 > 1:13:29This is the larger bedroom.
1:13:29 > 1:13:32Or what I like to call the master bedroom.
1:13:54 > 1:13:58This is the small bedroom. I don't think there's room for us all.
1:14:06 > 1:14:09The house is collapsing! Everybody out!
1:14:25 > 1:14:27HOUSE CREAKS
1:14:43 > 1:14:45Now look what you've done!
1:14:45 > 1:14:47You and your politics!
1:14:49 > 1:14:52I've got to get back to the paper. Ta-da!
1:14:52 > 1:14:55Well done, Corcoran.
1:14:58 > 1:15:00CHILDREN LAUGH
1:15:26 > 1:15:30Oh, darling. The Keir Hardy Estate article's on my desk.
1:15:30 > 1:15:32Just sign it, will you?
1:15:32 > 1:15:35Sign it? I haven't written it yet.
1:15:35 > 1:15:37I did it for you.
1:15:37 > 1:15:39On the Major's instructions.
1:15:42 > 1:15:44Oh...I see.
1:15:44 > 1:15:46Well..
1:15:47 > 1:15:49What's the hurry, Eleanor?
1:15:49 > 1:15:53Darling, I have a date. I have to bathe, change and go out.
1:15:53 > 1:15:56- Where are you going? - Is that your business?
1:15:56 > 1:16:02Yes, it is. Who is this special man you have got to have a bath for?
1:16:02 > 1:16:04You've no right to question me.
1:16:04 > 1:16:08Oh, yes, I have, because I love you!
1:16:11 > 1:16:13I do love you, Eleanor.
1:16:13 > 1:16:15Norman...
1:16:15 > 1:16:18You must get this nonsense out of your head.
1:16:18 > 1:16:23Now, we'll have a nice long chat later this week. I promise you.
1:16:23 > 1:16:27It's Major Bartlett you're seeing, isn't it?
1:16:27 > 1:16:30If you must know, yes, it is.
1:16:30 > 1:16:34I thought so. Well, he is the boss, isn't he?
1:16:34 > 1:16:36AND my future husband.
1:17:10 > 1:17:12Oh...
1:17:12 > 1:17:15Oh, I thought it was...
1:17:15 > 1:17:18I was just passing. You said to drop in.
1:17:20 > 1:17:22Right.
1:17:22 > 1:17:24Oh, yes.
1:17:24 > 1:17:26Yes.
1:17:26 > 1:17:30If you're busy writing your article about this afternoon...
1:17:30 > 1:17:32No. Not really busy.
1:17:32 > 1:17:34It's been written FOR me.
1:17:35 > 1:17:38Major Bartlett's approval slip.
1:17:41 > 1:17:45"The opening ceremony of the 1,000th house
1:17:45 > 1:17:47"was a happy occasion for all concerned.
1:17:47 > 1:17:50"Major Bartlett's witty speech...
1:17:50 > 1:17:52"Gold key to happiness?
1:17:52 > 1:17:55"Delighted family take up residence"?!
1:17:55 > 1:17:57It's a load of lies.
1:17:57 > 1:17:59Well, you know.
1:17:59 > 1:18:02What are you going to do about it?
1:18:02 > 1:18:05- What can I do?- You won't let them get away with it.
1:18:05 > 1:18:07- Make them print the truth.- Can't.
1:18:07 > 1:18:11- What about Major Bartlett? - Blast him and his politics.
1:18:11 > 1:18:15- What about your father? - With respect, blast him too.
1:18:15 > 1:18:19Oh, Liz. Anyway, they'd never print it.
1:18:21 > 1:18:24They would, if you put on the approval slip.
1:18:39 > 1:18:41Erm...
1:18:41 > 1:18:45Disaster hit... hits the Keir Hardy Estate.
1:18:45 > 1:18:47House falls down.
1:18:52 > 1:18:54- Morning, Wilby.- Morning, Major.
1:18:56 > 1:18:59What the devil are you doing here?
1:18:59 > 1:19:03Have you gone mad? Attacking your own folk and mine?
1:19:03 > 1:19:06- What are you talking about? - Look at that.
1:19:08 > 1:19:12"Both political parties claim credit..."
1:19:12 > 1:19:14This isn't the one I authorised!
1:19:14 > 1:19:16Who the hell wrote it?
1:19:16 > 1:19:19- There can only be one person. - Shields.
1:19:19 > 1:19:21Now, look, Bartlett,
1:19:21 > 1:19:24you get rid of that idiot reporter.
1:19:24 > 1:19:30Because, if you don't, your unsavoury behaviour will be exposed at the election.
1:19:30 > 1:19:33Unsavoury behaviour? There's to be mud slinging?
1:19:33 > 1:19:36Anyway, what election?
1:19:36 > 1:19:39Let's not kid ourselves. You know very well.
1:19:39 > 1:19:42Take my advice. Get rid of Shields.
1:19:46 > 1:19:48This article. How did it get in?
1:19:48 > 1:19:51- It had your approval slip on it. - Disaster.
1:19:51 > 1:19:56Put Shields where he can't do any harm. Entertainments.
1:19:56 > 1:19:58Yes.
1:19:59 > 1:20:00Good morning, Major.
1:20:00 > 1:20:05- Get out.- But I wanted to talk about housing!- Get out!
1:20:05 > 1:20:07I must get rid of that woman.
1:20:09 > 1:20:11Get out!
1:20:12 > 1:20:14Not you, dear lad.
1:20:21 > 1:20:25Once again, I must congratulate you. An excellent article.
1:20:25 > 1:20:27Really?
1:20:27 > 1:20:29Well...
1:20:29 > 1:20:32It isn't exactly good for YOU, is it?
1:20:35 > 1:20:40- Or Mr Corcoran.- That is exactly what I like about it. It is so unprejudiced.
1:20:40 > 1:20:43In future you'll be covering entertainments.
1:20:44 > 1:20:46What, as well as politics?
1:20:46 > 1:20:48Instead of!
1:20:48 > 1:20:52But I like writing about politics.
1:20:52 > 1:20:55It could give me a chance to help someone.
1:20:55 > 1:20:59What better way of helping than making people happy?
1:20:59 > 1:21:01Entertainments.
1:21:01 > 1:21:03I like politics.
1:21:05 > 1:21:07- I'll ask Grandad.- Oh, no! No, No!
1:21:07 > 1:21:11If you can find a way of promoting entertainment,
1:21:11 > 1:21:13this newspaper will back you.
1:21:13 > 1:21:20You mean...I can arrange... and organise things?
1:21:20 > 1:21:22Anything you like.
1:23:01 > 1:23:04I didn't hear you ring.
1:23:04 > 1:23:06You're Willobey.
1:23:06 > 1:23:08I know who I am. Who are you?
1:23:08 > 1:23:11- I'm Shields of the Times. - A reporter.
1:23:11 > 1:23:15- I'm in charge of entertainment. - Entertainment? There isn't any!
1:23:15 > 1:23:17Except what we make ourselves.
1:23:19 > 1:23:22- What are your plans for this year? - Same as last year.
1:23:22 > 1:23:25And the year before that.
1:23:25 > 1:23:27- None.- None?
1:23:27 > 1:23:29This is a holiday resort.
1:23:29 > 1:23:32This is a LAST resort. What can we offer them?
1:23:32 > 1:23:38A chocolate machine with no chocolate. Two silent speak-your-weight machines.
1:23:38 > 1:23:41And a distorting mirror that's cracked.
1:23:41 > 1:23:45On Major Bartlett's authority, our paper will back you all the way.
1:23:45 > 1:23:49Major Bartlett, eh? Interesting. All the way?
1:23:50 > 1:23:52Memo to Ross.
1:23:52 > 1:23:56As my election campaign has now started,
1:23:56 > 1:23:58you will virtually be in charge.
1:24:01 > 1:24:05- What do you want, Shields? - I have the most marvellous...
1:24:05 > 1:24:08- The most marvellous idea. Willobey will help.- Who?
1:24:08 > 1:24:11The town entertainments officer.
1:24:11 > 1:24:14Him! Type it and submit it the usual way.
1:24:14 > 1:24:17I can't wait for that. This is a beauty contest.
1:24:17 > 1:24:22- With girls.- Novel, but not in keeping with the paper's dignity.
1:24:22 > 1:24:24What do you reckon?
1:24:24 > 1:24:26A beauty contest could be dignified.
1:24:26 > 1:24:28And I could enter it myself.
1:24:32 > 1:24:35Yes... A dignified beauty contest.
1:24:35 > 1:24:37Busy? Major?
1:24:37 > 1:24:43- We're organising a beauty contest. - Oh? How interesting.
1:24:43 > 1:24:45It was Shields's idea.
1:24:45 > 1:24:47Thank you, Miss Fairchild.
1:24:50 > 1:24:54If you want me, Major, you've only to buzz.
1:24:54 > 1:24:57So, you're using the new girl now instead of Miss Popkiss?
1:24:57 > 1:24:59Yes, she's much faster.
1:25:00 > 1:25:03That I can well believe.
1:25:03 > 1:25:05Now, darling...
1:25:05 > 1:25:09Er... Erm... Shall I carry on with my beauty contest column?
1:25:09 > 1:25:12- Yes, do, Shields. - I'll do about 500 words.
1:25:14 > 1:25:16Beauty contest?! Twaddle!
1:25:16 > 1:25:21Then he has the gall to criticise Labour for no Summer Shows!
1:25:21 > 1:25:26Cracked mirrors. Chocolate machines with no chocolate. Dirty libel!
1:25:26 > 1:25:28Dirty TRUTH.
1:25:28 > 1:25:31- Liz, dear! - It seems like that to me.
1:25:31 > 1:25:34Holiday-makers don't come. So why have it?
1:25:34 > 1:25:36But I think Norman's right.
1:25:36 > 1:25:39Norman? Perishing little halfwit!
1:25:39 > 1:25:42He might not sound clever to you,
1:25:42 > 1:25:45and he may not always put things well,
1:25:45 > 1:25:48but he does things because he believes in them,
1:25:48 > 1:25:50not to get something out of it.
1:25:50 > 1:25:55If I thought for an instant you were interested in that midget reporter,
1:25:55 > 1:25:59I'd have him run out of this town faster...
1:26:24 > 1:26:28- Hurry up. There's not much time. - We're all ready now.
1:26:28 > 1:26:30Are the girls all here?
1:26:30 > 1:26:33Well, I'll count them. There should be seven.
1:26:34 > 1:26:36WOMEN SCREAM
1:26:36 > 1:26:38What happened?
1:26:38 > 1:26:41Erm... Only six.
1:26:42 > 1:26:44Liz!
1:26:44 > 1:26:49Just came to wish you luck, Norman. If there's anything I can do...
1:26:53 > 1:26:54Hey, Liz...
1:26:54 > 1:26:56You CAN help.
1:26:57 > 1:27:01Will you be a contestant?
1:27:01 > 1:27:04One of the girls hasn't turned up.
1:27:04 > 1:27:08- Do you think I'd dare? - Why not, Liz?
1:27:08 > 1:27:10Come along. Don't let's talk rubbish.
1:27:10 > 1:27:15I say, you're late. We were going to use a substitute.
1:27:15 > 1:27:17What, her?!
1:27:17 > 1:27:20Right! Liz, get changed.
1:27:20 > 1:27:22- Oh, but I haven't...- Borrow some!
1:27:24 > 1:27:27It's time. Don't forget what I told you.
1:27:27 > 1:27:33You're in charge backstage because I shall be compering. So good luck.
1:27:45 > 1:27:47Chocolates.
1:27:47 > 1:27:49Cigarettes.
1:27:49 > 1:27:51Cold drinks.
1:27:53 > 1:27:58- All those posters I put up. - Men not interested in girls? I can't believe it.
1:27:58 > 1:28:00It's unhealthy.
1:28:12 > 1:28:14The...The judges.
1:28:14 > 1:28:17Look after them.
1:28:30 > 1:28:32Police! Police! Over the road.
1:28:32 > 1:28:35Girls with hardly any clothes on.
1:28:35 > 1:28:37Don't anyone go over there!
1:29:04 > 1:29:06Right. Stand by.
1:29:06 > 1:29:08Everybody on stage.
1:29:13 > 1:29:15Well done, Norman.
1:29:15 > 1:29:18Give me a moment before you take the curtain up.
1:29:18 > 1:29:21Where's the pianist? No pianist!
1:29:21 > 1:29:24- You'll have to play. - I'm the compere down there.
1:29:24 > 1:29:26And the pianist down there.
1:29:48 > 1:29:50THE AUDIENCE LAUGHS
1:30:22 > 1:30:25WILLOBEY: Miss Elizabeth Rivers.
1:30:36 > 1:30:38Miss Penelope Squires.
1:30:49 > 1:30:51And now...
1:30:51 > 1:30:53Miss Ruby Fairchild.
1:31:24 > 1:31:26AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
1:31:31 > 1:31:35And now, a young lady who...
1:31:35 > 1:31:38when you see her, will take your breath away.
1:31:39 > 1:31:42Like that.
1:31:43 > 1:31:47Luscious, scrumptiously attractive and beautiful.
1:31:48 > 1:31:50Miss Liz Corcoran.
1:31:54 > 1:31:56I can't.
1:31:56 > 1:31:58You can.
1:32:16 > 1:32:18Bring down the curtain.
1:32:24 > 1:32:28Now, ladies and gentlemen, may I have your voting cards?
1:32:28 > 1:32:32I think you'll find we're all agreed.
1:32:37 > 1:32:39Norman!
1:32:43 > 1:32:44AUDIENCE LAUGHS
1:32:50 > 1:32:52The winner.
1:32:52 > 1:32:55Ruby Fairchild?
1:32:55 > 1:32:57It's rigged. The Major.
1:32:57 > 1:33:00Don't worry. It's none of our business.
1:33:00 > 1:33:03Ruby Fairchild...
1:33:03 > 1:33:08Ladies and gentlemen, on this piece of paper
1:33:08 > 1:33:11I have the name of the Beauty Queen of Tinmouth.
1:33:12 > 1:33:17And when the curtains part, you will see her on the throne.
1:33:22 > 1:33:25CLAMOUR FROM AUDIENCE
1:33:28 > 1:33:29AUDIENCE BOOS
1:33:46 > 1:33:48Please leave me!
1:33:56 > 1:33:58Gentlemen, if you'll just...
1:34:00 > 1:34:02Gentlemen, please!
1:34:02 > 1:34:05Ruby?
1:34:05 > 1:34:07Eleanor?
1:34:09 > 1:34:13- What have you to say about this? - You keep out of this!
1:34:13 > 1:34:14I have a few words...
1:34:14 > 1:34:18Gentlemen, I must ask you to conduct yourselves
1:34:18 > 1:34:21in a manner to which we are accustomed.
1:34:21 > 1:34:25This is an example of organised Labour hooliganism.
1:34:25 > 1:34:27It will not be tolerated.
1:34:27 > 1:34:30That is a remark you will live to regret.
1:34:30 > 1:34:36Labour stock has never been higher than it is now. This trumped-up contest...
1:34:36 > 1:34:41You're trying to sabotage the years of dedicated sacrifice I've given.
1:34:41 > 1:34:47Dedicated sacrifice? You've spoken once in the House of Commons.
1:34:47 > 1:34:49Look. I'm going now.
1:34:49 > 1:34:52You're going all right. You're fired.
1:34:52 > 1:34:55That doesn't surprise me. But...
1:34:55 > 1:35:00But before I do, don't you two think of anybody but yourselves?
1:35:00 > 1:35:04I mean, you're both intelligent men. I wish I had your brains.
1:35:04 > 1:35:06Turn on the mike.
1:35:08 > 1:35:12- You're a Member of Parliament. - And I soon will be.
1:35:12 > 1:35:14- Who knows?- Over my dead body!
1:35:14 > 1:35:19What's the matter with you two? Leave off. All you do is bicker!
1:35:19 > 1:35:20Let me have my say.
1:35:22 > 1:35:27As I see it, you two are like...captains
1:35:27 > 1:35:30on people's ship of life.
1:35:30 > 1:35:32And they rely on you...
1:35:32 > 1:35:35to steer a safe course.
1:35:35 > 1:35:37But, because of your selfishness...
1:35:38 > 1:35:43..you keep on taking them into storms with big waves.
1:35:44 > 1:35:46And if you, and the other politicians
1:35:46 > 1:35:53and the leaders of the world don't work together, you know, one of these days...
1:35:53 > 1:35:57- Open the curtains. - ..you'll drown all the people.
1:35:57 > 1:35:59Here...
1:36:00 > 1:36:03I've been talking a lot, haven't I?
1:36:03 > 1:36:05I have to get off my soapbox.
1:36:08 > 1:36:12Well, I'm going back to my paper stand in Westminster.
1:36:12 > 1:36:13Goodbye, sir.
1:36:32 > 1:36:35Well done, Norman. Go on. Take a bow.
1:36:38 > 1:36:40- Bye, Robin.- Bye-bye.
1:36:45 > 1:36:48Give those to Liz for me.
1:37:04 > 1:37:05Norman?
1:37:10 > 1:37:14- I'm going, Liz.- Why? - I don't think I've been successful.
1:37:14 > 1:37:18I do. I just saw Major Bartlett and Daddy having a drink.
1:37:18 > 1:37:22- That's a good start. - Yeah, a good start. Bye.
1:37:22 > 1:37:24Norman!
1:37:24 > 1:37:26Couldn't I come with you?
1:37:26 > 1:37:30- What about your dad? - He'd lose a daughter and gain a son.
1:37:30 > 1:37:34- Yeah! - TRAIN WHISTLE - Come on.
1:37:34 > 1:37:36We'll miss the train.
1:37:38 > 1:37:42- We've missed it!- No, we haven't.
1:37:55 > 1:37:58Subtitles by Julian Thomlinson, ITFC, for BBC Subtitling - 2001
1:37:58 > 1:38:02E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk