0:00:02 > 0:00:08THIS FILM CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10THUNDERCLAP
0:00:15 > 0:00:18I hate television. Gives me headaches.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21There's so many magnetic waves travelling in the airspace
0:00:21 > 0:00:23because of television.
0:00:23 > 0:00:30- We're losing 10 times as many brain cells as we're supposed to.- Please!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33The cow says blank, three letters.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Dude.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Dude. I dunno. Magnetic waves, brain cells.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42I don't understand the connection between all that stuff.
0:00:42 > 0:00:48You know what else I heard? Magnetic waves shrink silicon molecules.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- BOTH: Aaaarrrrgh!- Oh, turn it off! - It's not working!
0:00:53 > 0:00:58- It's backwards!- What do I do? - I don't know. - BOTH SCREAM
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- That was scary. - I know something even scarier.- What?
0:01:02 > 0:01:06- Have you heard about this video tape?- Where they do it on the boat,
0:01:06 > 0:01:10the car and the bathtub? He's like, "I love you."
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- She's like, "Where are we?" Did... - Not that tape!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17The one with the scary images. After you watch it,
0:01:17 > 0:01:22- the phone rings and this scary voice says you'll die in...- Seven days.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- I saw it with Josh last weekend. - You were with Josh last weekend?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Oh, my God!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Oh, yes, I was!
0:01:32 > 0:01:36- Oh, you ho!- Ow!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39You know it!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Argh! PHONE RINGS
0:01:47 > 0:01:48SNAP! Oh!
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- This is really weird. - Yeah.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57A big house, only one phone.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Hello?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Hello.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15"I'm coming for you, my precious."
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Hi, Mom. - "Hi, precious. Having fun?"
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Ask her which bathroom has the vibrating shower head.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23THUNDERCLAP, SIZZLING
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Mom? Hello?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29CREAKS
0:02:47 > 0:02:48DING! GASPS
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- SQUAWKS - Aargh!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00THUNDERCLAP
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Katie?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Katie.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Katie?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Are you OK?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Are you OK?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Aaaaarrrrrrrgh!!
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- Aaaarrrrrrgh!! - CLUNK!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12- Aaaaarrrrgh!! - CLUNK!
0:04:14 > 0:04:15God!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17TRICKLING
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- Aaarrrrgh! - TRICKLING STOPS
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- TRICKLING CONTINUES - Aaaaaarrrrrgh!
0:04:24 > 0:04:25TRICKLING STOPS
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Aargh! - TRICKLING STARTS
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- TRICKLING STARTS AND STOPS - Aaargh!- Ow!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- Tom, did you hear... - Ssh!
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- DOGS BARK - The dogs are acting strange.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Aaaarrrrrgh!!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Ooh! Ooh!
0:05:09 > 0:05:16- Aaaarrgh!- Sue, what are you doing out here? We were worried sick.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18What's wrong?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31I wonder what they're trying to tell us?
0:05:37 > 0:05:41"And now, Washington DC's leading morning news programme,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43"the Morning News."
0:05:43 > 0:05:48Good morning. For our top story we turn now to Cindy Campbell.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Thank you. There's a developing story in Middleburg at this hour.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57A mysterious crop circle appeared in local farmer Tom Logan's cornfield.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59An elaborate prank or extraterrestrial phenomenon?
0:05:59 > 0:06:03We'll update you as soon as we have any further information.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08Either way, something strange is happening in that small town. Ross?
0:06:08 > 0:06:13I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Coming up. More news after this.
0:06:14 > 0:06:19- Got a second?- Sure.- Look at this for that strip club expose.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I'd rather stick with the crop circle story.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24C'mon. Those things are just a hoax.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I sense something about that corn field.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Call it women's intuition, or ESP, or both,
0:06:30 > 0:06:35- but I can tell when danger's near... Ow!- Ow!
0:06:35 > 0:06:39- My eye!- Cindy, it's sweeps month. Ratings mean everything.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43People want human interest stories, like the one you did yesterday.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47On breast augmentation? It was just ten minutes of topless women.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50I mean, come on! ALL: Wow!
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Why are they so interesting? Oh, for God sake.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55People don't care about this.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00- They want hard-hitting stories and in-depth coverage and...- And twins!
0:07:00 > 0:07:02LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:07:17 > 0:07:23Think it was the Creezel boys who cut that stuff outta your corn?
0:07:23 > 0:07:28My crops are gone. The bank's gonna foreclose if I can't pay the rent.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32I got 60 days to come up with a dollar fifty.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- I'm sorry. The last thing you needed was... - BLOWS
0:07:36 > 0:07:40..hardship in your life, especially after what happened to you...
0:07:40 > 0:07:45- Sheriff, I don't need your sympathy. - I didn't mean to upset you, Father.
0:07:45 > 0:07:51Please, I'm not a minister any more. I lost my faith that terrible night.
0:07:51 > 0:07:56Your faith will return just as sure as the sun will rise.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Sounds like a long shot.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02There's always an explanation for this so-called phenomena.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06Maybe you're right. It was probably just the Creezels.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09When I get through with them,
0:08:09 > 0:08:14you won't be seeing anything strange on this farm for a long time.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Are you all right, Tom? Get some rest.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27George? HE HUMS
0:08:29 > 0:08:31George! CONTINUES HUMMING
0:08:31 > 0:08:36I need you back here tomorrow night after you pick up Sue.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- That tractor needs fixing. - Can't help.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43- I gotta get ready for my show. - Not that hip-hop stuff again?
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- Do something with your life. - I got a dream.- What is it?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- To have a dream.- All you've done is chased adolescent fantasies.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55I wanna be an astronaut, a cowboy, gynaecologist to the stars,
0:08:55 > 0:09:01- and now this hip-hop thing.- This hip-hop thing's gonna get me paid.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- I'll win that rap battle tomorrow night.- Rap battle?
0:09:04 > 0:09:08- For God sakes! - You just hate me cos I'm black.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10You don't have faith in me.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13You don't have faith in anything any more,
0:09:13 > 0:09:17so why don't you worry about you and I'll worry... Aargh! Argh!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- Cody. - You're late again, Aunt Cindy.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- I'm sorry. I was stuck in traffic. - Cindy!- Brenda, hi.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Oh, it's great to see you.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49- Oh, it's been so long. - Too long. I've been working so hard.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53I've had to spend more time at the station. The news keeps coming in.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58- What was the assignment? - Draw your family and friends.- Oh.
0:09:58 > 0:10:04- So, anyone new in your life? - I just haven't found the right guy.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08- I'm looking for something more than just good sex.- You want commitment.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12- No. I want great sex. - That's what I'm taking about.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17You want a guy who's like, bam, bam, bam! You know what I'm saying?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Did I say stop drawing?!
0:10:20 > 0:10:24Look, when I meet Mr Right I'll know.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28- Uncle George!- Hey, sweetie. Come here. How are ya?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Go get your stuff, OK?
0:10:32 > 0:10:36I know you. You're Tom Logan's brother.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- And you're that reporter, Cindy Campbell.- Yeah.
0:10:38 > 0:10:44- You did the story on our cop cycles. - Crop circles.- Right.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49- So, you're here to pick up your... - Nephew. Cody.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53- You don't dress like a farmer. - My brother's the farmer, I'm the rapper.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- Hmph! - For real. Here's the 611 on that.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- That's phone repair. You mean 411. - Right. So,
0:11:00 > 0:11:05- I'll be doing the rap battle at the 23 Club tomorrow night.- Ohh!
0:11:05 > 0:11:09- I don't believe this shit. - Word. You should come down.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13I'll be rappin', I'll be cappin', I'll be tappin', I'll be flappin'.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I'll be happin...ning, ding, bing, wing. Yo.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Sounds good. - Would, could, should, hood.- Ugh!
0:11:19 > 0:11:25- Good, moog, doog, boog.- If we say we'll come, will you shut up?- OK.
0:11:26 > 0:11:32- Fresh. I'll see you guys tomorrow night.- OK. Bye.- Peace out.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Now who the fuck did that?!
0:11:42 > 0:11:46What is it? Are you having one of your visions?
0:11:46 > 0:11:51There's a girl with black hair. She wants to kill you.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56- Your period starts in three, two, one.- Ow! What else?
0:11:56 > 0:12:02- What else do you see?- I see a little boy and a grown woman but no father.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07- Oh, Cody.- I see you kneeling in dog shit.- What? Euw!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Oh, for God sake. Don't you understand?
0:12:10 > 0:12:14As long as we have each other, that's all we need.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18I know things have been tough since your mom died.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21I've been SO selfish. Always putting my career first.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24From now on, I'll be thinking about you...
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Damn! TYRES SCREECH
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Wait, Cindy! Wait!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Aaaarrrrgh!!
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Honey, I'm gonna be leaving soon, so...
0:13:00 > 0:13:06- Do you know who she is? - No. But sometimes she talks to me.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08She's coming tonight.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11LOUD KNOCK AT DOOR
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Oh, Father Muldoon.- Cindy. - I'm so grateful you could come.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28- Oh.- I've called all over for baby-sitters.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32I don't mind filling in now and then. Where's little Cody?
0:13:32 > 0:13:37DOOR SLAMS He must be in his room playing.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I left a number where I can be reached.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45Also, he has a rash on his behind. Make sure he takes a bath.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Thank you, Father. Good night.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Cody.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54LOUD RAP MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Hey, before we get on with the battles,
0:14:08 > 0:14:13I know you'll wanna bust a cap in the air for your favourite rapper,
0:14:13 > 0:14:19- but, please, hold onto your gunfire until the end of the show. - ALL BOO
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Let's put the safety on.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26- It's on the left side of the gun above the trigger. - GUNSHOT
0:14:26 > 0:14:32- Oops.- Would somebody get his ass outta here? DJ, spin this shit!
0:14:39 > 0:14:41WILD CHEERING
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Whoa! My bad. - Mother...
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Is something wrong? You look scared.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03All that stuff you were saying on TV,
0:15:03 > 0:15:08I got a weird feelin' something bad is headin' my way,
0:15:08 > 0:15:12like when you see an Asian person driving. After the show,
0:15:12 > 0:15:16come back to my crib and hang out with me? I don't wanna be alone.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21- Of course I will. - I love you. Pay my way, OK?
0:15:23 > 0:15:28Yo, George. What's up? The man with the tightest rap on the streets.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30It's good, baby.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35Finally, the white man's gonna school the black man on how to rap.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40- Yeah.- Yeah, I guess. How many people here, you think?- I dunno.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44100, 200, whitey-hatin', chrome-packing, ready to bust a cap
0:15:44 > 0:15:48- in any white boy's ass who ain't bringin' that shit!- At least.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53- What's wrong?- Ever wonder when it's time to stop livin' up here and
0:15:53 > 0:15:58- start livin' down here?- Stop livin' over here and move over there.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- My aunt used to live over there, but she got evicted.- What for?
0:16:02 > 0:16:06- Mice.- Didn't she have rats?- Outside. - If a mouse goes out,
0:16:06 > 0:16:10does it become a rat? If a rat's in the house, is it a mouse?
0:16:10 > 0:16:15- I see no mouse outside. - It's a rat, fool!
0:16:15 > 0:16:19- You might've just made a fact. That's some real shit.- Fellas!
0:16:19 > 0:16:24- What are you talkin' about?- You need some? I'll do anything for you.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- Anything.- About those chrome- packin', whitey-hatin' gangsters,
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- perhaps... - What he needs is a height man.- Yeah!
0:16:32 > 0:16:38- Yeah! C'mon.- You could be his spliff star!- That's me. That's what I do.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- That's what I do. - CLUNK!
0:16:40 > 0:16:45If you're a height man, you take them hits. Let's get out there.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47# Heads or tail, babe, what's it gonna be?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49# You cannot escape your fate in the streets
0:16:49 > 0:16:52# I count cash, you count sheep
0:16:52 > 0:16:56# Better not sleep with the beast, capishe? # CHEERING
0:16:56 > 0:17:00All right. That was hot. That's what I'm talking about.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Right? Right? Yo, what do we think?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09I thought you were both absolutely dreadful. Ghastly.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14- What?- I don't know what I'm doing here. This club is totally pathetic.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23WILD CHEERING
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Are you ready, George? It's show-time.
0:17:28 > 0:17:33I wanna let you know that no matter what goes on on that stage tonight,
0:17:33 > 0:17:39- you'll always be in my heart. - That's love.- I love you.
0:17:41 > 0:17:48- I love you, man.- Come here, y'all. - Can you feel my love on your hip?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50I can't get around.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55You go out there and rip it tonight. You do your thing tonight.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59We love each other. Let's do it, baby.
0:17:59 > 0:18:05Are you ready for the next battle? To my left
0:18:05 > 0:18:09we have the reigning champion, hailing from Fort Apache.
0:18:11 > 0:18:16- Some of you call him Jealous One, some of you call him...- Brrrr...!
0:18:16 > 0:18:20- Some of you call him Joey Crack. - Stick 'em up.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- But tonight let's give it up for Fat Joe. - WILD CHEERING
0:18:24 > 0:18:28- I gotta go against him? - Give it up!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31You think they're here to see Fat Joe?
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- ALL CHANT: Joe! - They're saying, "Go, go, go!"
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Now my challenger, whoo,
0:18:37 > 0:18:43kid's a farmer rapper, so you know he been kickin' the shit all day!
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Let's give it up for my man, George.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54That's right. OK, Joey, you the reigning champion,
0:18:54 > 0:18:59so you get to spit first. Yo, DJ, spin that shit!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01This guy can't be serious!
0:19:01 > 0:19:05# Standing Mini Me, aka, I hope he ain't the one you fight with
0:19:05 > 0:19:08# This man's corny and ain't got no skills
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- # Cos he's a white... - But he's not real!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14# I don't wanna hurt your feelings but you'll never get a deal
0:19:14 > 0:19:16# Cos he's a white but he's not real
0:19:16 > 0:19:18# You're a needle in a haystack, I'm a city slicker
0:19:18 > 0:19:22# Forget cows and milk your mom titties, nigger CROWD CHEERS
0:19:22 > 0:19:27# Bet he ends up havin' kids with his cousin...
0:19:27 > 0:19:32# He'll be like, der, der, der, that means Fat Joe's the man
0:19:32 > 0:19:36# You're the liar, in denial, kill your ass quicker than our empire
0:19:36 > 0:19:38# How dare you wanna joust with me
0:19:38 > 0:19:40# Lookin' like you got mad cow's disease
0:19:40 > 0:19:43# You fake, out to battle me
0:19:43 > 0:19:49# Eight miles down the road, the form's thatta way! # CHEERING
0:19:53 > 0:19:59That was hot. Everybody, give it up for my man! George!
0:19:59 > 0:20:03- WILD CHEERING - DJ, spin this shit!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Bitch!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Ho!
0:20:23 > 0:20:25# Now everybody in the 202
0:20:25 > 0:20:29# Throw your hands in the air cos Fat Joe is through
0:20:29 > 0:20:33# Everybody in the 202 throw 'em up! Check it out!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36# I'm a white boy but my neck is red
0:20:36 > 0:20:39# I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread
0:20:39 > 0:20:42# My face is pale, I never been in jail
0:20:42 > 0:20:43# Me and Buffy spend every winter in Vail
0:20:43 > 0:20:48# How many bitches have I slapped? Zero! And Martha Stewart's my hero!
0:20:48 > 0:20:51# I grew up on a farm and was born with no rhythm
0:20:51 > 0:20:55# Dr Phil's my uncle and I like to hang with him
0:20:55 > 0:20:58# I can't dance, wear khaki pants, my middle name's Lance
0:20:58 > 0:21:00# My grandma's from France, so maybe I'm wack cos my skin ain't black
0:21:00 > 0:21:03# But you can't talk smack cos whitey just struck back! #
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Aaaaaarrrgh!
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Give it up for George!
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Oh, shit! Oh!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27George, George, the hood. Lose the hood.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- I know. We're in the hood now. - No.- He's dead.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36- You guys feelin' me in the hood? - CROWD BOOS
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Whoa!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43That's it, I'm done!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- You can't give up rap just like that.- Rap schmap!
0:21:47 > 0:21:49You still got it, see?
0:21:50 > 0:21:55Thanks for coming over tonight. I'm going through a rough time.
0:21:55 > 0:22:00Brenda, you wanna tell me what's really bothering you?
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Well, there's something I need to... I saw a tape.
0:22:05 > 0:22:11I think you should know about it. It had these really shocking images.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Brenda, it was mardi gras. I've never drunk vodka before
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- and I was out of beads. - No, not that tape.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22I guess it's just an urban legend. You watch it,
0:22:22 > 0:22:27and once it's over you're phone rings and a creepy voice says,
0:22:27 > 0:22:32"You're gonna die in seven days." And seven days later...
0:22:32 > 0:22:38- When did you watch it?- A week ago. A week ago tonight.- Brenda.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46- Oh, my God! Argh! - Brenda!
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Brenda! Oh, my God!
0:22:53 > 0:22:56LAUGHS Oh! Oh, my God! You bitch!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01You shoulda seen the look on your face!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04You've got me!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Brenda?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Oh, my God! Brenda?!
0:23:19 > 0:23:25- I can't believe you fell for that fake seizure!- It seemed so real!
0:23:25 > 0:23:30- It did, didn't it?- And you pee'd! - I really sold that shit!
0:23:30 > 0:23:35I love the look on your face when you're scared. You're too easy.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37- Aargh! - Aargh!
0:23:42 > 0:23:46I got you with the old fake hand.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- Girl, you were scared. - I know!
0:23:50 > 0:23:54- C'mon, I was just kiddin'. - You've taken it too far.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58I'm gonna go get the rest of the popcorn.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06- Cindy?- Forget it. I'm not falling for it again.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Oh, come on! Cindy, the news is on!
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Another little white girl fell down the well.
0:24:30 > 0:24:3350 black people get their ass beat by police,
0:24:33 > 0:24:36but the world stops for one whitey down a hole.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Cindy!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46The TV's leaking.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Cindy.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Cindy, something's wrong here.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Cindy, this bitch is messin' up my floor!
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- Cindy! Help me! - I'm not listening.
0:25:19 > 0:25:27Get up, you ugly bitch. C'mon! Let me see what you got! That's all?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Ooh! Yeah!
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Argh!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- Cindy! Please, help me! Cindy! - PHONE RINGS
0:25:50 > 0:25:53OK, hang on a second.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- Hello?- "Father Muldoon here. We're getting along famously."
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Thanks again, Father. Bye-bye.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Brenda? Brenda?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Brenda?
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Aaaargh!
0:26:18 > 0:26:23Oh, my God. Yes, of course I'll tell her. Thank you.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29Sue's teacher, Brenda, she's...she's dead.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33- Oh. I better tell her. - No, no. I can do it.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- Sue? - Yes.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- You know your teacher, Miss Brenda? - Yes.- She's dead!
0:26:46 > 0:26:51- Aaargh!- Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death!
0:26:51 > 0:26:55- Gone, gone, just like your dog! - My dog's dead?
0:26:55 > 0:26:59I ran him over with the car when I drove in!
0:26:59 > 0:27:03- Everyone you love around you is dying!- Aargh!- Aaargh!
0:27:10 > 0:27:16- Hello, Father.- Don't call me Father. I haven't been a clergyman since...
0:27:18 > 0:27:21I'm sorry about that night.
0:27:21 > 0:27:26If I hadn't fallen asleep, while driving, for that exact 20 minutes,
0:27:26 > 0:27:29if I hadn't drunk that exact whole bottle of Yeigermeister,
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- if only I hadn't killed... - Simon. Simon.
0:27:32 > 0:27:38- I don't see what any of this has to do with Annie.- Sorry.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Those were other nights. But if it had been THAT night,
0:27:42 > 0:27:45I might've missed her... that terrible night.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# "MEXICAN HAT DANCE"
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Hey!
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- It's your wife, Father. She's hurt. - Annie?
0:28:08 > 0:28:12- She was hit by a truck and pinned against a tree.- I don't understand.
0:28:12 > 0:28:18- As long as the truck has her pinned, she'll stay alive.- I don't get it.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24This is your wife.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28She broke her weiner?
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Look what happens to the taco.
0:28:35 > 0:28:41I don't understand all this fancy medical lingo. I wanna see Annie.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43She's split in half.
0:28:43 > 0:28:49- You mean like down the middle in half?- At the waist.
0:28:49 > 0:28:54- This is the last time I can talk to the top half?- Yes.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57The truck's the only thing that's holding her together.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00Let's say this is her bottom half.
0:29:00 > 0:29:07- Can I squeeze in a few minutes with that?- I'm not sure what you mean.
0:29:07 > 0:29:11- Let me explain. - Tom, go to her.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22Tom, I'll need a ride home.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28Hi, baby. How's it going?
0:29:28 > 0:29:34- I'm dying, Tom.- Don't talk like that. The truck barely hit you.
0:29:35 > 0:29:39- COUGHS - Honey, kiss me one last time.
0:29:42 > 0:29:46- Promise me you'll never remarry. - I promise.
0:29:48 > 0:29:53- And no sex either. - I-I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56- No sex. - Honey, you're not speaking clearly.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59- Your injuries must be awful. - No sex.
0:29:59 > 0:30:03- The cruel fate to shroud my wife's dying words...- No sex!
0:30:03 > 0:30:07Poor Annie, we hardly knew her. She'll be missed terribly.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10- Oh, Jesus! - That's right. Go into the light.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14- Look, just tell George, swing away. - Right. Swing away.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17Oh, sure. THAT you understand!
0:30:19 > 0:30:21Annie? Annie!
0:30:23 > 0:30:28- I'm sorry, dude.- Don't call me dude. I'm not a stoner any more,
0:30:28 > 0:30:31not since... # "MEXICAN HAT DANCE" PLAYS
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Goodbye, Tom.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38Baaaaa! CLUNK!
0:30:40 > 0:30:45# Amaaaaa-zing grace
0:30:46 > 0:30:50- # How sweet... # - I'm so sorry, Mr and Mrs Meeks.
0:30:50 > 0:30:56- Brenda was a good friend - when she was alive.- My sweet, sweet Brenda.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58She looks so peaceful.
0:31:01 > 0:31:06If only God had taken us instead of her.
0:31:06 > 0:31:11Knowing your Brenda like I did, I'd say she wishes the same thing.
0:31:11 > 0:31:16These just came today. Photos from a trip she took.
0:31:18 > 0:31:22- They're blank. - Turn them around, honey.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25Oh! Yes, of course.
0:31:27 > 0:31:31- Who's this? - That's Ralf. He's right over there.
0:31:37 > 0:31:41- Cody?- It's a boy. He's going to be an asshole.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44Smoke all you want, you're gonna get hit by a bus.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47That's not fooling anyone.
0:31:49 > 0:31:55- Cindy.- George.- Sue wanted to pay her respects to her teacher.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58- You?- Brenda was my bitch. - Of course.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05- Oh.- Are you OK? - It's just the open coffin.
0:32:05 > 0:32:10- I can't believe they'd just leave it out here.- It's a wake.- Awake?- No!
0:32:10 > 0:32:13It's a miracle! I thought you were dead!
0:32:13 > 0:32:18- Sue, your teacher's alive! Argh! - George! I got ya!
0:32:19 > 0:32:21She's alive!
0:32:21 > 0:32:23- Argh! - ALL GASP
0:32:26 > 0:32:29- She's alive! Brenda?! - George, stop! She's dead!- No!
0:32:29 > 0:32:32We won't lose you again!
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Argh!
0:32:36 > 0:32:38- She's not breathing. - Aaarrrgh!
0:32:42 > 0:32:44Live, dammit, live!
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Charles! Charles, stop them!!
0:32:54 > 0:32:58Stop them! Stop them! What are they doing?!
0:32:58 > 0:33:02She's alive! She's alive! Wake up! She's alive!
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Ohhh!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Aaaaaarrrrrgh!!
0:33:17 > 0:33:19- BOOM - Aaaarrrrrgh!
0:33:20 > 0:33:23I got something! I got something!
0:33:24 > 0:33:26Aaaarrrrgh!
0:33:27 > 0:33:29- Aaaarrrgh! That's it! - George!
0:33:29 > 0:33:34That's the last time I try to bring anyone back from the dead!
0:33:34 > 0:33:38Don't get down. I knew you were only trying to help.
0:33:38 > 0:33:43- You're a good, caring person, which is why I like you.- Thanks,
0:33:43 > 0:33:46but I don't wanna screw your life up, too.
0:33:46 > 0:33:52- The most caring thing I could do for everyone is get outta here.- George!
0:33:52 > 0:33:58- What about Sue?- Oh, yes, of course. Once I get Sue, then...- Wait!
0:34:00 > 0:34:04I could really use a friend right now.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Brenda's gone, Cody resents me...
0:34:10 > 0:34:14..and I'm caught up in something I can't even...
0:34:14 > 0:34:16Oh, God, it's so hard.
0:34:16 > 0:34:20Well, you're beautiful - and you're pressing up against me.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22Look, Cindy,
0:34:23 > 0:34:28I know you'd never consider going out with a guy like me,
0:34:28 > 0:34:32but if you're not too busy tomorrow night...
0:34:32 > 0:34:36- Is that a yes? - Yes.
0:34:41 > 0:34:42Cindy,
0:34:42 > 0:34:47- did Brenda ever talk to you about a tape?- She did mention something.
0:34:47 > 0:34:51- D'you mind if I go upstairs and look around?- Yes, go.
0:34:51 > 0:34:56- Cody, I'll be right back, OK? - You're getting lucky tonight.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59He doesn't know you're a guy.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01THUNDERCLAP
0:35:54 > 0:35:56- THUD! - Oh, shit!
0:36:09 > 0:36:11- Bada-bada-bada! - RETCHES
0:36:23 > 0:36:25PHONE RINGS Huh?!
0:36:35 > 0:36:37- Hello.- "Oop-eh!"
0:36:38 > 0:36:41- What? Will he miss? - "Eh-gay."
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Who's gay? Hello?
0:36:44 > 0:36:47"Eerie-al." What?
0:36:47 > 0:36:52- "Can...you...hear.. me now?" - Kind of.- "Now?"- Yes, perfect.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54- "Seven daaaaays." - Seven days?
0:36:54 > 0:36:58- Oh, my God, I'm gonna die next Monday?- "Yes. No, wait."
0:36:58 > 0:37:02"That'd be seven business days. This is seven days starting now."
0:37:02 > 0:37:06My watch broke. How will I know the exact time?
0:37:06 > 0:37:08"Forget hours. This day, in seven days."
0:37:08 > 0:37:12- There's a holiday coming up. D'you count that?- "Depends. What holiday?"
0:37:12 > 0:37:17- Martin Luther King Day.- "No."- Why? Everyone at work's taking it off.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19"Jesus, I'm giving you seven days!"
0:37:19 > 0:37:24- "I can kill you now, if you'd rather have that?" - LINE GOES DEAD
0:37:24 > 0:37:28I don't care what you say, I'm signing you up
0:37:28 > 0:37:32- for another rap battle. - That part of my life's over.
0:37:32 > 0:37:36I said the same thing about getting with CJ's sister,
0:37:36 > 0:37:40- but I'm still hitting it... - He's still hitting it! What?
0:37:40 > 0:37:45- I'm done.- What are you gonna do with the rest of your life?- I don't know.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Yeah, yeah! Come out.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50Maybe my brother's right. I should settle down.
0:37:50 > 0:37:55- What's up there?- Mother! - I got another one, y'all!
0:37:55 > 0:38:00Hey, George, you can't focus on that shit. Let that go.
0:38:00 > 0:38:04Hey. You're in the driver's seat, George.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07Ow!
0:38:07 > 0:38:11- You gotta take the lid off! - Of course.- Sorry!
0:38:11 > 0:38:13MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:38:13 > 0:38:16- Hello.- "Something terrible's happened. I really need your help."
0:38:18 > 0:38:21- Are you OK? What's going on? - Help me.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24I watched the tape that killed Brenda,
0:38:24 > 0:38:28the phone rang, this voice said I'd die in seven days.
0:38:28 > 0:38:32- There's no such thing as a killer video tape.- There is.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35- I know someone who can help. - Who?- Wait.
0:38:35 > 0:38:39- Jamal watched it last week and today he woke up dead.- No!
0:38:39 > 0:38:44- How?- Cos you're alive when you go to sleep.- Who can help?
0:38:44 > 0:38:46You can wake up alive?
0:38:46 > 0:38:52- You can't go to bed dead!- Who? - You can go to bed and not be dead,
0:38:52 > 0:38:57- and die but not be in a bed. - But you're in a bed.
0:38:57 > 0:39:01- That's how you wake up dead, fool! - Damn! That's some quantum shit!
0:39:01 > 0:39:05- You should be teaching classes! - Tell me who can help me!
0:39:05 > 0:39:10My aunt. She saw the tape before anybody knew about it.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13- You should go see them tonight. - Tonight?
0:39:13 > 0:39:16But who will take care of Cody?
0:39:16 > 0:39:21We'll have so much fun. I have jigsaw puzzles, board games
0:39:21 > 0:39:25- and baseball cards in my room and a cool model aeroplane.- Sure.
0:39:25 > 0:39:30I made him a snack. Give him warm milk if he can't sleep.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33- Don't worry. Everything'll be fine. - Here!- I'm great with kids.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35- Heads up, Cody. - Ooh!
0:39:35 > 0:39:39- Oh, and in case of emergencies - - I'm OK.
0:39:39 > 0:39:44Sorry. Are you OK, kiddo? Thatta boy.
0:39:46 > 0:39:48THUD, TYRES SCREECH
0:39:49 > 0:39:51- OK, I'm off. - Right.
0:39:51 > 0:39:56You know, it's funny. All a child ever really wants is a family.
0:39:56 > 0:40:01- Yo.- Cody really likes you. - He's a good kid.- Yeah.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07- Bye. - Bye.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17THUNDERCLAP
0:40:21 > 0:40:23Hello?
0:40:23 > 0:40:27I know you're Cindy. Be right with you.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29- Aunt Shaneequa? - Bingo.
0:40:29 > 0:40:35But you can call me the Oracle, and don't worry about that vase.
0:40:35 > 0:40:39What vase? Oh, sorry, I didn't know... Oh!
0:40:40 > 0:40:42That vase.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45Please, sit.
0:40:47 > 0:40:51FART-LIKE NOISE It was the chair.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56PROLONGED FART
0:40:58 > 0:41:00Yes, the chair.
0:41:00 > 0:41:05I know why you've come. A great mystery lies ahead of you,
0:41:05 > 0:41:08but you mustn't shy away from the challenge.
0:41:08 > 0:41:12- Only you can be the one... - TV ON
0:41:12 > 0:41:14- Orpheus...- What, baby? - Sweetie?
0:41:14 > 0:41:16I'm watching the game.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20Do you mind?
0:41:21 > 0:41:26- The Lakers will win by 12. - TURNS OFF TV
0:41:26 > 0:41:30- So can you tell me - - The tape.- Yes.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- I watched it...- The phone rang. - Right.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36- Then this voice said... - That you'd die in seven days.
0:41:36 > 0:41:39- OK, that's getting - - Extremely annoying.- Yeah.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41Try being married to her.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45I get shit about women I ain't slept with yet.
0:41:45 > 0:41:51- You made a copy of the tape. Let's see it.- Yes, OK.
0:41:55 > 0:42:01- Can you tell me...- If the tape is connected to the crop circles? Yes.
0:42:01 > 0:42:07- It's up to you to discover how for yourself.- Look, it's a...- Cigarette?
0:42:08 > 0:42:12- I was going to say a lighthouse. - Find that lighthouse.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14It's your destiny.
0:42:16 > 0:42:18Wait. What is that?
0:42:23 > 0:42:25Oh, my God!
0:42:26 > 0:42:28BUZZES
0:42:43 > 0:42:45There... Argh!
0:42:46 > 0:42:51- Now baby... - I knew that was gonna happen.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53Uh-oh. C'mon.
0:42:53 > 0:42:57- WHISTLES - Oh, hell, no! Get your ass...!
0:42:58 > 0:43:04- What's wrong with you, woman? Can't you not... Get out there!- No! No!
0:43:04 > 0:43:08- Let her go! We'll get another lawsuit!- I'll kill the bitch!
0:43:08 > 0:43:12- You won! You won! You won! - Aaaahhh!
0:43:13 > 0:43:15- Upstairs.- OK. - Down low.- OK.
0:43:15 > 0:43:19- All right? Oh, baby, no! - I'll kill her. Are you crazy?
0:43:19 > 0:43:21RIPPING SOUND
0:43:21 > 0:43:24What are you gonna brush now? What you gonna brush now?
0:43:24 > 0:43:27You picked the wrong TV to come out of.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34George? Cody?
0:43:36 > 0:43:38Ohh! George!
0:43:39 > 0:43:42- Ow! - What happened?- I don't know.
0:43:42 > 0:43:47Cody and I were playing a fun game, then I looked down and...
0:43:47 > 0:43:49Yahtzee!
0:43:54 > 0:43:56No!
0:43:56 > 0:43:58Oh, my God!
0:43:59 > 0:44:05- How could you let him watch the tape? - I didn't... - PHONE RINGS
0:44:10 > 0:44:13- Hello. - "It's me. How are you doin'?"- Fine.
0:44:13 > 0:44:17"Enjoying your last week? I can't wait to see ya."
0:44:17 > 0:44:19- "Six days now, right?" - Yeah.
0:44:19 > 0:44:23"Great catching up, but can I speak to Cody?"
0:44:23 > 0:44:28- Why? He didn't watch the tape.- "He did. C'mon, I do this for a living!"
0:44:28 > 0:44:31Leave us alone!
0:44:31 > 0:44:33RINGS
0:44:35 > 0:44:37- Hello. - "I'm calling from Reader's Digest
0:44:37 > 0:44:41- "with a fantastic offer for Cody." - GURGLING NOISE
0:44:41 > 0:44:47- You're not! You're the evil little girl from the tape!- "OK, you got me."
0:44:47 > 0:44:51- "I'll just leave a message for him." - Fine.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53Uh-huh. Yeah.
0:44:53 > 0:44:56Er, OK, how d'you spell that?
0:44:56 > 0:44:58Right. Got it.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00Bye-bye.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04Aaaaaaarrrrrgh!
0:45:04 > 0:45:08- I can't believe you let that happen. - Sorry. I screwed up.
0:45:08 > 0:45:13We can save him. The answer to the tape, the crop circles,
0:45:13 > 0:45:16- it's at a lighthouse. You think I'm crazy.- Course,
0:45:16 > 0:45:20but the last thing you need's a screw-up like me.
0:45:20 > 0:45:26- I'm gonna leave - for good. - Wait. Well, what shall I tell Cody?
0:45:26 > 0:45:31Let him down easy. Tell him I got called away on business.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33- You'll think of something. - Testicular cancer.
0:45:33 > 0:45:37- He won't ask questions. - I knew you'd understand.
0:45:37 > 0:45:39George! Just...
0:45:39 > 0:45:44be careful. Something weird is going on at your farm, I know it.
0:45:44 > 0:45:46What are you talking about?
0:45:46 > 0:45:50- A sheep needs to be pushed through the fence.- What?- Goodbye.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54GIRL SINGS
0:46:13 > 0:46:16- Sue?- I can't sleep.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19Well, it's way past your bed time.
0:46:21 > 0:46:27Would you like me to sleep in your big, strong arms?
0:46:27 > 0:46:32There's plenty of room under the covers. It's a hot night.
0:46:32 > 0:46:35You don't need to wear pyjamas.
0:46:36 > 0:46:41- Where is my daughter?- Are you mad? I am your daughter.- No, you're not!
0:46:41 > 0:46:43- Aaaaarrrrgh!! - Dah! Come here!
0:46:44 > 0:46:49- What did you do with Sue?- I didn't touch her.- I don't believe you!
0:46:49 > 0:46:54- Please, for God sakes, she's a girl. - You sick...
0:47:02 > 0:47:04CRUNCH! Ooh!
0:47:05 > 0:47:07Oh! GIGGLES
0:47:12 > 0:47:17- Daddy.- Argh!- How d'you like it, huh? Havin' fun?
0:47:18 > 0:47:20Argh!
0:47:34 > 0:47:36Tom, are you...?
0:47:37 > 0:47:40- What in the world? - Sh!
0:47:41 > 0:47:45- Look. - What is that thing?
0:47:45 > 0:47:49- I don't know. - Maybe Cindy was right.
0:47:51 > 0:47:53CLUNK!
0:48:03 > 0:48:05SIGHS
0:48:05 > 0:48:07All I need is five minutes.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11I told you. No more paranoid on-air rants about the supernatural.
0:48:11 > 0:48:16- I know. The station is about sex, violence and the weather.- Yes.
0:48:16 > 0:48:22We need that porn star shot dead in a hurricane story. One hour.
0:48:22 > 0:48:26"A tornado in Charleston threatens a clothing-optional beach where,
0:48:26 > 0:48:29"just yesterday, a naked couple was brutally murdered."
0:48:29 > 0:48:33- "This just five miles..." - Sorry. I have to do this.
0:48:33 > 0:48:39"Turning now to sports. And an evil video tape that kills anyone
0:48:39 > 0:48:42"who watches it in seven days. It's true..."
0:48:42 > 0:48:45- Oh, no!- "..in danger." "..an alien force has tried
0:48:45 > 0:48:49- "to prevent you from knowing the truth."- Are you insane?!
0:48:49 > 0:48:51I had to do this!
0:48:51 > 0:48:56"Actually I didn't really mean anything I just said." "Yes, I did."
0:48:56 > 0:49:01"Every word. Everyone watching this could be dead in a week."
0:49:01 > 0:49:04"Bbbbbttttttt...shisen wakhari."
0:49:05 > 0:49:09"1-3-4-19 guorsn blkn braket."
0:49:09 > 0:49:14"I been cleaning after this dumbass cracker Giggins for 10 years,
0:49:14 > 0:49:18"but I've been hitting it with his woman for 12."
0:49:18 > 0:49:20"Know what I'm saying, nigger? She likes her some chocolate."
0:49:20 > 0:49:24"Sharpton for president, y'all. I'm outti. Peace."
0:49:24 > 0:49:29An evil video tape that kills people in seven days? Alien forces?
0:49:29 > 0:49:33Who the hell is Cindy Campbell? If what she says is true,
0:49:33 > 0:49:37- we're facing an unprecedented crisis. Get me the president. - You are the president.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40Good. Then I already know about this. Where's my lunch?
0:49:40 > 0:49:46Go on TV and convince the people there's no such thing as a UFO.
0:49:46 > 0:49:49- Don't spell in front of me, dammit. - Aliens.
0:49:49 > 0:49:53- There's no such thing as aliens. - That's not quite true.- Sir?
0:49:53 > 0:49:56A year ago a UFO crashed in New Mexico.
0:49:56 > 0:50:01- A body may have been recovered. - May have been?- There was a mix-up.
0:50:01 > 0:50:05It was Thanksgiving, the body was sent to the kitchen.
0:50:05 > 0:50:10It had stuffing up its ass and we ate it at a state dinner.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13That's the last I saw of it. Scratch that.
0:50:13 > 0:50:17- Sandwiches were made the next day. - Mr President! Listen.
0:50:17 > 0:50:21- Back away from that window!- What? I didn't put my pants on again?
0:50:21 > 0:50:25No. It's a feeling I've had since the news about the alien.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28- Something's not right. - I know what you mean.
0:50:28 > 0:50:33It's like that feeling that something's not right. What is it?
0:50:33 > 0:50:35Some old Tupac, sir.
0:50:37 > 0:50:43- "All eyes on me!" Hey, this shit is bangin'!- Thank you, sir.
0:51:12 > 0:51:14FOGHORN
0:51:54 > 0:51:57Hello, Cindy.
0:51:59 > 0:52:04I'm the architect. You have many questions.
0:52:06 > 0:52:12- I've been watching you for a very long time.- So I see.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15What's the connection between the crop circles and the video tape?
0:52:15 > 0:52:19The answer's simple. You're the eventuality of an anomaly.
0:52:19 > 0:52:22- You are inexorably seeking a segulant probability.- Segulant...
0:52:22 > 0:52:25Protesciary? No? What about contingent affirmation?
0:52:25 > 0:52:28- That's gotta mean something. - Hey. Hey!
0:52:28 > 0:52:33You put cameras in my bathroom? Ah, what it this?
0:52:34 > 0:52:37Oh, my God! It was a long winter.
0:52:37 > 0:52:41- This is an invasion of... Ow! - Ooh, sorry.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44I can't help it. It's lonely in here.
0:52:44 > 0:52:49I haven't been with anyone in a very long time, not counting myself.
0:52:49 > 0:52:53Or this chair. I call her...Linda.
0:52:54 > 0:52:59- Cut to the chase. I'm in a rush. - You could always sleep over.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02- Linda's built for two, and she vibrates.- Stop it!
0:53:02 > 0:53:07- Tell me what I need to know. Who is that little girl?- OK.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11My wife and I wanted a child but she couldn't get pregnant.
0:53:11 > 0:53:16- Neither could I.- So you adopted.- We loved our daughter but she was evil.
0:53:16 > 0:53:21Made the horses crazy, killed our puppies, hid the remote. Sick shit.
0:53:21 > 0:53:24My wife took her to the family farm and drowned her in the well.
0:53:24 > 0:53:28I felt time out would've been sufficient.
0:53:28 > 0:53:32But Tabitha imprinted her evil on a video tape.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35- I never meant for it to get out, but...- What?
0:53:35 > 0:53:40I returned it to Blockbuster instead of my copy of Pootie Tang.
0:53:40 > 0:53:44- It's been circulating and killing ever since.- Just like Pootie Tang.
0:53:44 > 0:53:48- What does this have to do with aliens?- I don't know.
0:53:48 > 0:53:54- Perhaps Tabitha's summoning them to kill us all.- An alien invasion?
0:53:54 > 0:53:59- I must warn the world.- It's already begun. You're too late.- Oh, my God!
0:53:59 > 0:54:05But not too late to make an old man happy. What? What?
0:54:05 > 0:54:09And now, reports of lights in the sky.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11Glimpses of spacecraft.
0:54:11 > 0:54:15Possible alien sightings being reported all over the world.
0:54:15 > 0:54:19Are they aliens? The first video images are coming in.
0:54:19 > 0:54:23Disturbing home video tonight from a ranch outside Sydney, Australia.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25Watch very carefully. There it is.
0:54:25 > 0:54:27Let's see that again.
0:54:27 > 0:54:29Very, very disturbing.
0:54:30 > 0:54:34And this just in from Sao Paolo, Brazil.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38Let's see that again.
0:54:42 > 0:54:45Very, very disturbing.
0:54:45 > 0:54:48And this just in from south Texas.
0:54:51 > 0:54:55Do they pose a threat? Only one thing's for certain.
0:54:55 > 0:55:00- We're all going to be killed. - We have to board up the house.
0:55:00 > 0:55:05Is this necessary? Having an award ceremony at a time like this?
0:55:05 > 0:55:07Everything must appear business as usual.
0:55:07 > 0:55:11- The nation, while not yet panicked, is deeply disturbed.- Good.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14See if we can steer that course, keeping everyone disturbed.
0:55:14 > 0:55:19We don't wanna panic. Few presidents have faced a crisis like this.
0:55:19 > 0:55:24I wonder what President Ford would've done? The buck stops here.
0:55:26 > 0:55:29Thank you, all, and welcome to the White House.
0:55:29 > 0:55:33The Mother Teresa Awards recognise those who've overcome
0:55:33 > 0:55:36the severest handicaps and disadvantages
0:55:36 > 0:55:41to help others in their communities. The young, the old, black and white,
0:55:41 > 0:55:44our Native Americans. Hey, how are you?
0:55:44 > 0:55:48CHANTS: Hey, how are ya? Hey, how are ya?!
0:55:48 > 0:55:54Well, it is therefore my honour to present each and every one of you
0:55:54 > 0:55:57with this symbol of merit.
0:56:00 > 0:56:04- The room is secure, Mr President. - Or is it?
0:56:04 > 0:56:06- Sir? - I've been thinking.
0:56:06 > 0:56:09What if the aliens could take over human bodies?
0:56:09 > 0:56:14- They'd look like us - or almost. - I never thought of that.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17We should be on the alert for anything suspicious.
0:56:17 > 0:56:22- They could be anywhere, even - here. - We'd never see an attack coming.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24- It's frightening, sir! - Don't panic.
0:56:24 > 0:56:28We'll just move slowly toward the exit.
0:56:29 > 0:56:32ELECTRONIC VOICE
0:56:32 > 0:56:35It's happening. I knew it! You'll never take me alive!
0:56:35 > 0:56:38- Aaaaaaaarrrrrgh! - She's scrambling my brain!
0:56:38 > 0:56:40- I'll get her! - Ooh!
0:56:41 > 0:56:43- Ohh! - Oh, no, you don't!
0:56:45 > 0:56:47Good work, sir!
0:56:48 > 0:56:55Good God! The small ones have metal teeth! Jerry's kids my ass!
0:56:55 > 0:56:59Mr President! Mr President, have you gone completely insane?!
0:56:59 > 0:57:04Like a fox. Let's talk to the person who saw this coming. Cindy Campbell.
0:57:04 > 0:57:08She knows how to defeat the aliens! This filthy scum!
0:57:08 > 0:57:12Argh, you hideous creature! Get off of my planet!
0:57:12 > 0:57:16- Is everything all right?- The exits are all blocked.- I'll find one.
0:57:16 > 0:57:19- Everybody clear! - GUNSHOT
0:57:20 > 0:57:22This way. God, this is exciting!
0:57:22 > 0:57:25You're excited? You should feel my nipples!
0:57:25 > 0:57:27Cody? Cody?
0:57:27 > 0:57:29Cody, where are you?!
0:57:30 > 0:57:34- Honey?- "After today's incident in the East Room,
0:57:34 > 0:57:39"the White House is now advising all citizens to board up their homes
0:57:39 > 0:57:42- "and prepare for an alien invasion." - Oh, no!
0:57:42 > 0:57:46"An exclusive. The killer video tape you've been hearing about.
0:57:46 > 0:57:49- "We're the..."- No. - "..only station who has it.
0:57:49 > 0:57:54"We're showing it all night. Let's roll it again."
0:57:54 > 0:57:57There. Nobody's gettin' through that sucker.
0:57:57 > 0:58:02That's great, but we have to get down to the cellar.
0:58:02 > 0:58:07- George.- Cindy.- There's no time. Get down to the cellar.- Cody!
0:58:07 > 0:58:11- I've been worried sick. - He showed up about an hour ago.
0:58:11 > 0:58:16- I tried to call.- No, you didn't. - OK, but I was gonna.- No, he wasn't.
0:58:16 > 0:58:21- You can't just run away like that. - I wanted to be with George.
0:58:21 > 0:58:27- I know you want a dad, but...- Oh, trust me, I'm not good at anything.
0:58:27 > 0:58:32- Why would I be good at that? - Uncle George!
0:58:42 > 0:58:46- It's gonna be OK. - I'm going to die, aren't I?
0:58:46 > 0:58:52Did I ever tell you what your mom said about you the day you were born?
0:58:52 > 0:58:58- No.- I was in the delivery room with her. She was having a hard time.
0:58:58 > 0:59:02You began to come out of her. She screamed in pain.
0:59:02 > 0:59:06She yelled, "Just kill me. Bludgeon me with a bedpan.
0:59:06 > 0:59:11"Put me out of this pain." She was gushing torrents of blood.
0:59:11 > 0:59:15I have this on tape if you wanna see it. Finally you came out.
0:59:15 > 0:59:20Your mom cut your umbilical cord herself. Well, on the second try.
0:59:20 > 0:59:24The first time she snipped your penis in half. She was drunk.
0:59:24 > 0:59:29Actually, drugged. We'd been out celebrating St Patrick's Day.
0:59:29 > 0:59:33She thought, "I never tasted crystal meth," so she did just a little.
0:59:33 > 0:59:37- My penis? - Yes. They sewed it on upside down.
0:59:37 > 0:59:44- That's why I pee up?- Yes. We'll get it fixed. It's on my list of things.
0:59:44 > 0:59:50Anyway, your mom turned to me and said, "Hey, you want him, take him."
0:59:50 > 0:59:55Then she died - and I took you. Do you know why?
0:59:55 > 1:00:00I'd just lost my cat in a fire and I needed something to pet.
1:00:00 > 1:00:05I miss that cat, but I love you. Nothing will change that,
1:00:05 > 1:00:08not even the painful death we're about to experience.
1:00:08 > 1:00:10George! George.
1:00:10 > 1:00:12FOOTSTEPS
1:00:17 > 1:00:21- Are they gone?- I don't hear anything. - DOOR RATTLES
1:00:25 > 1:00:29- HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM - Don't worry, Sue, it'll be all right.
1:00:29 > 1:00:34- It was Uncle George.- It was scary. - Good work, Sue.
1:00:34 > 1:00:39I don't know what stupid, idiotic thing made these lights go off.
1:00:39 > 1:00:42There's spare fuses in the cross face.
1:00:42 > 1:00:47If I can get to them I can get these lights back on. George!
1:00:47 > 1:00:51Grab that sleeper. Jam it against the door. Ohh!
1:00:51 > 1:00:53My balls!
1:00:54 > 1:00:57No, not those! Jesus!
1:00:57 > 1:00:59No!
1:00:59 > 1:01:04- Uncle George, I'm scared. - Oh, sweetie, come here. It's OK.
1:01:06 > 1:01:11Argh! There's something on the other side of the door.
1:01:21 > 1:01:24I can't see anything.
1:01:39 > 1:01:44- Oh, my God!- Can you see 'em? What are they doing?- They're horrible.
1:01:44 > 1:01:49They're greyish with big black eyes. Their teeth are grotesque.
1:01:49 > 1:01:52- I think they're giggling. - What?
1:01:53 > 1:01:58Oh, no. Oh, no. I think... I think they wanna...
1:01:58 > 1:02:00DOOR RATTLES
1:02:01 > 1:02:03- Argh! Help! - Cody!
1:02:04 > 1:02:06George! Swing away, George!
1:02:07 > 1:02:13- I'm coming, Cody.- Aunt Cindy, help! - I'll save you!- Ow! Ow! Ow!
1:02:15 > 1:02:19Die! Let him go! You're not getting in here!
1:02:19 > 1:02:23- George. - Let him go! There? Had enough?
1:02:23 > 1:02:28- Forget it, Cody. Thank me later. - Oh, Cody, thank God! Come on.
1:02:28 > 1:02:30- Daddy! - Sue!
1:02:34 > 1:02:37Mahalik! What are you doing here?
1:02:37 > 1:02:41- The hood's got your back. - Thank God. There's two at the door.
1:02:41 > 1:02:45- What?- They're gone! - Good. They couldn't get in.
1:02:45 > 1:02:48I hear they can't open doors.
1:02:48 > 1:02:52They mastered space flight but can't get through a wooden door?
1:02:52 > 1:02:57The cellar's the safest place. Women and children stay here.
1:02:57 > 1:03:04- The men go and fight.- Right. What's the cut off age for children?- C'mon!
1:03:14 > 1:03:16RUSTLING
1:03:16 > 1:03:20- COCKS SPADE - Follow me.
1:03:26 > 1:03:28TYRES SCREECH, THUD!
1:03:31 > 1:03:34Sorry. I thought I was hitting the brake.
1:03:34 > 1:03:37We don't have to go through insurance?
1:03:37 > 1:03:41- Mr President, what are you doing here?- Looking for Cindy Campbell.
1:03:41 > 1:03:46She holds the key to defeating the aliens. Ah, good, the Air Force
1:03:46 > 1:03:51- is here with those new round planes. - We don't have round planes.
1:03:51 > 1:03:54- Oh, my God!- Oh, my God.
1:03:54 > 1:03:57- RAP MUSIC PLAYS - D'you hear that?
1:03:57 > 1:03:59CAR HORN
1:04:06 > 1:04:11- What's up, George?- CJ! - The hood always got your back,
1:04:11 > 1:04:18- and I got the boys. Get out the car. - Who we gotta shoot?- Let's do this!
1:04:19 > 1:04:25- You stepped on my shoe, bitch!- Call me a bitch again and you're dead.
1:04:25 > 1:04:28- Damn, homey.- In the cornfield. - They're comin'!
1:04:28 > 1:04:32Don't worry. Me and my boys will take care of this. C'mon...
1:04:32 > 1:04:36- I'm gonna bust this shit right now. - Mama!- Over here!
1:04:36 > 1:04:39CONTINUE ARGUING
1:04:46 > 1:04:48- RAPID GUNFIRE - Get down!
1:04:50 > 1:04:52BOOM!
1:04:55 > 1:05:00- I can't believe what I just saw. - These men died for their country.
1:05:00 > 1:05:02Sends flowers to their bitches and ho's.
1:05:02 > 1:05:05Argh!
1:05:07 > 1:05:09I can't break free!
1:05:09 > 1:05:12They must have some kind of weakness!
1:05:16 > 1:05:19- Huh?- Without their heads they're powerless.- Please, no.
1:05:19 > 1:05:24We mean you no harm. We travel to your planet to find an evil girl.
1:05:24 > 1:05:28We must destroy her before seven days.
1:05:28 > 1:05:30You watched the video tape?
1:05:30 > 1:05:34Our satellite picked up what we thought was Pootie Tang.
1:05:34 > 1:05:39That was a week ago. Our entire race will die unless the girl's destroyed.
1:05:39 > 1:05:42Oh, see, they are peaceful.
1:05:42 > 1:05:46Then why were they choking us a few minutes ago?
1:05:46 > 1:05:49That's how we say hello. Hello.
1:05:49 > 1:05:51Hello. Hello.
1:05:51 > 1:05:54How d'you guys say goodbye? Ohh!
1:05:55 > 1:05:57I had to ask.
1:05:57 > 1:06:02If you think that's strange, you should see how we pee.
1:06:02 > 1:06:04GULPS
1:06:07 > 1:06:11So we're not so different after all.
1:06:13 > 1:06:19There's something about this place. It's like I've seen it before.
1:06:20 > 1:06:22Oh, my God!
1:06:24 > 1:06:29This used to be their farm! She died right here!
1:06:42 > 1:06:44There's something down there.
1:06:55 > 1:06:57- CLUNK! - Ohh!
1:07:06 > 1:07:08ALL CHAT
1:07:11 > 1:07:16Just look at this. Human beings and aliens working together.
1:07:16 > 1:07:19We're all just one big galactic family.
1:07:19 > 1:07:23Family? That's just what I've been running away from.
1:07:23 > 1:07:26Well, that's because you're an idiot.
1:07:30 > 1:07:32GASPS
1:07:35 > 1:07:37This is it!
1:07:37 > 1:07:43'My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in a well.'
1:07:45 > 1:07:49The little girl, she's frightened of the well.
1:07:53 > 1:07:55GASPS
1:08:07 > 1:08:08- Ah!- Oh!
1:08:08 > 1:08:11Cindy!
1:08:24 > 1:08:26CHAINSAW WHIRS
1:08:46 > 1:08:49Time to go back down the well, bitch!
1:08:51 > 1:08:52Cindy!
1:08:52 > 1:08:57- No! Don't hurt him! - Cindy, you have to come outside.
1:08:57 > 1:08:59The aliens aren't invading... Argh!
1:09:00 > 1:09:05- Don't worry, Cody, I'll save you! - Wait! Wait. Don't do this.
1:09:05 > 1:09:12You don't have to be evil. I know what happened to you, Tabitha.
1:09:13 > 1:09:18I know what your mom did. That was wrong. You were just a little girl,
1:09:18 > 1:09:23and you're still that little girl, just a lot more corpsy
1:09:23 > 1:09:29and with really bad teeth, but maybe all you need is a mother.
1:09:32 > 1:09:34And a father.
1:09:46 > 1:09:48- We could be... - A family.
1:09:53 > 1:09:59Thanks. Your love has broken the curse and freed my soul.
1:09:59 > 1:10:02- I'll never have to kill again. - Really?
1:10:02 > 1:10:05- EVIL VOICE: - I'm just screwing with you.
1:10:06 > 1:10:07Aaarrgh!
1:10:07 > 1:10:14I just wanna tell you, good luck. We're all counting on you. SPLASH!
1:10:19 > 1:10:21Now it's over.
1:10:21 > 1:10:23GASPS
1:10:23 > 1:10:27- It's OK. He's our friend. - Thank you for saving our species.
1:10:27 > 1:10:33- We must return to our home planet. - Goodbye, then. Ooh!- Goodbye.
1:10:52 > 1:10:56Congratulations, George! The hood's always got your back!
1:11:03 > 1:11:05Whoo!
1:11:17 > 1:11:19ALL CHEER
1:11:19 > 1:11:23Oh, George, I'm so happy. Finally we're a family.
1:11:24 > 1:11:26Yeah. You, me and...
1:11:26 > 1:11:28Damn!
1:11:28 > 1:11:30- TYRES SCREECH - Cindy! George! Wait!
1:11:35 > 1:11:37SIGHS