The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

0:00:27 > 0:00:30NARRATOR: 'It's an important and popular fact

0:00:30 > 0:00:34'that things are not always what they seem.

0:00:34 > 0:00:37'For instance, on the planet Earth,

0:00:37 > 0:00:39'man had always assumed that he was

0:00:39 > 0:00:42'the most intelligent species occupying the planet,

0:00:42 > 0:00:44'instead of the third most intelligent.

0:00:44 > 0:00:47'The second most intelligent creatures were, of course, dolphins,

0:00:47 > 0:00:49'who, curiously enough, had long known

0:00:49 > 0:00:52'of the impending destruction of the planet Earth.

0:00:52 > 0:00:55'They'd made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger,

0:00:55 > 0:00:56'but most of their communications

0:00:56 > 0:00:58'were misinterpreted as amusing attempts

0:00:58 > 0:01:01'to punch footballs or whistle for titbits.

0:01:01 > 0:01:05'So they eventually decided they would leave Earth by their own means.

0:01:05 > 0:01:08'The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted

0:01:08 > 0:01:12'as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop,

0:01:12 > 0:01:17'while whistling the Star-Spangled Banner. But in fact, the message was this:'

0:01:45 > 0:01:47MALE CHORUS: # So long and thanks for all the fish

0:01:47 > 0:01:49# So sad that it should come to this

0:01:49 > 0:01:53# We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear

0:01:53 > 0:01:55# You may not share our intellect

0:01:55 > 0:01:57# Which might explain your disrespect

0:01:57 > 0:02:01# For all the natural wonders that grow around you

0:02:01 > 0:02:05# So long, so long And thanks for all the fish

0:02:07 > 0:02:09FEMALE CHORUS: # Your world's about to be destroyed

0:02:09 > 0:02:11# There's no point getting all annoyed

0:02:11 > 0:02:15ALL: # Lie back and let the planet dissolve around you

0:02:15 > 0:02:17MALE CHORUS: # Despite those nets of tuna fleets

0:02:17 > 0:02:19# We thought that most of you were sweet

0:02:19 > 0:02:23# Especially tiny-tots and your pregnant women

0:02:23 > 0:02:25# So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

0:02:25 > 0:02:28FEMALE CHORUS: # So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

0:02:28 > 0:02:31ALL: # So long, and thanks for all the fish

0:02:34 > 0:02:38GIRL: # If I had just one last wish

0:02:38 > 0:02:42# I would like a tasty fish

0:02:42 > 0:02:47WOMAN: # If we could just change one thing

0:02:47 > 0:02:50# We would all have lungs to sing

0:02:50 > 0:02:54ALL: # Come one and all

0:02:54 > 0:02:58# Man and mammal

0:02:58 > 0:03:01# Side by side

0:03:01 > 0:03:08# In life's great gene pool. #

0:03:10 > 0:03:12MUSIC CONTINUES

0:03:26 > 0:03:28MALE CHORUS: # So long, so long, so long

0:03:28 > 0:03:30FEMALE CHORUS: # So long, so long, so long

0:03:30 > 0:03:36ALL: # So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish! #

0:03:44 > 0:03:47ROOSTER CROWS

0:03:47 > 0:03:49NARRATOR: 'The extraordinary story

0:03:49 > 0:03:53'of the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

0:03:53 > 0:03:54'begins very simply.

0:03:54 > 0:03:57'It begins with a man.

0:04:06 > 0:04:08'An Earthman, to be precise,

0:04:08 > 0:04:09'who no more knows his destiny

0:04:09 > 0:04:13'than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company.'

0:04:13 > 0:04:15PHONE BEEPS

0:04:15 > 0:04:17'His name is Arthur Dent.

0:04:17 > 0:04:21'He is a 5'8"-tall ape descendant,

0:04:21 > 0:04:25'and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his house.'

0:04:30 > 0:04:31What do I want you to do about it?

0:04:31 > 0:04:33I want you to find him and tell him

0:04:33 > 0:04:36That I'm currently lying flat on my back in front of...

0:04:36 > 0:04:38Fine, I'll hold. Come off it, Mr Dent.

0:04:38 > 0:04:40You can't lie in front of the bulldozers forever.

0:04:40 > 0:04:41Whoa-ho, well, I'm game.

0:04:41 > 0:04:43We'll see who rusts first.

0:04:43 > 0:04:44This bypass has to be built

0:04:44 > 0:04:46and it is going to be built.

0:04:46 > 0:04:48Why has it got to be built?

0:04:48 > 0:04:49It's a bypass.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51You've got to build bypasses.

0:04:51 > 0:04:54Besides, you should've made your protest months ago.

0:04:54 > 0:04:56These plans have been on display

0:04:56 > 0:04:57at the planning office now for a year.

0:04:57 > 0:05:00On display? I had to go down to a cellar!

0:05:00 > 0:05:05Mr Dent, have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer

0:05:05 > 0:05:07if I just let it roll straight over you?

0:05:07 > 0:05:09How much?

0:05:09 > 0:05:12None at all.

0:05:12 > 0:05:15NARRATOR: 'By a strange coincidence, "none at all" is exactly

0:05:15 > 0:05:18'how much suspicion the ape-descendant Arthur Dent had

0:05:18 > 0:05:22'that one of his closest friends was not descended from an ape,

0:05:22 > 0:05:24'but was, in fact, from a small planet

0:05:24 > 0:05:27'somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.'

0:05:27 > 0:05:29Arthur!

0:05:29 > 0:05:30Arthur! Ford!

0:05:30 > 0:05:32Yes?

0:05:32 > 0:05:33Here.

0:05:33 > 0:05:34Ah, there you are!

0:05:34 > 0:05:37Come, eat, drink with me. We gotta talk.

0:05:37 > 0:05:38Now's not the best time,

0:05:38 > 0:05:39they're going to demolish my home.

0:05:39 > 0:05:41Whoa!

0:05:41 > 0:05:42You already... You already know?

0:05:42 > 0:05:44How?

0:05:44 > 0:05:46What do you...?

0:05:47 > 0:05:50Oh, they, they? When you say "they" you mean THEY!

0:05:50 > 0:05:52Got it. Listen.

0:05:52 > 0:05:54I got somethin' important I gotta tell you right now.

0:05:54 > 0:05:56Well, what about my house?

0:06:02 > 0:06:07Workers of the Earth, I bring good tidings of peanuts and beer!

0:06:07 > 0:06:10WORKERS SHOUT AND LAUGH

0:06:16 > 0:06:19Good. Next thing. Come on, let's go to the pub.

0:06:19 > 0:06:20Huh?

0:06:20 > 0:06:22They say they won't demolish your home

0:06:22 > 0:06:23until they finish the beers.

0:06:23 > 0:06:24Can we trust 'em?

0:06:24 > 0:06:26I'd trust them to the end of the Earth.

0:06:26 > 0:06:28How far's that? About 12 minutes away. Huh?

0:06:28 > 0:06:32Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly. The world's about to end.

0:06:32 > 0:06:33Six pints coming up.

0:06:33 > 0:06:36Keep the change. You got about ten minutes to spend it.

0:06:36 > 0:06:39Three pints each?

0:06:39 > 0:06:40At lunchtime?

0:06:46 > 0:06:48Sorry.

0:06:48 > 0:06:49Ah.

0:06:49 > 0:06:51Time is an illusion.

0:06:51 > 0:06:54Lunchtime, doubly so.

0:06:54 > 0:06:57And eat those peanuts because you'll need the salt.

0:06:57 > 0:06:59What is going on, Ford?

0:06:59 > 0:07:00Arthur...

0:07:02 > 0:07:05What if I told you I really wasn't from Guildford,

0:07:05 > 0:07:10that I was from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?

0:07:10 > 0:07:12Why, is that something you're likely to say?

0:07:12 > 0:07:13Remember when we met?

0:07:21 > 0:07:23HORN BLARES

0:07:24 > 0:07:25Hi.

0:07:25 > 0:07:27Didn't you think it was strange

0:07:27 > 0:07:28I was trying to shake hands with a car?

0:07:28 > 0:07:30I assumed you were drunk.

0:07:30 > 0:07:32I thought cars were the dominant life form.

0:07:32 > 0:07:34I was trying to introducing myself.

0:07:34 > 0:07:35You saved my life that day,

0:07:35 > 0:07:38And now I'm saving yours. Please drink.

0:07:38 > 0:07:39It must be Thursday.

0:07:39 > 0:07:41I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

0:07:41 > 0:07:43Look, Arthur, if this is about your house...

0:07:43 > 0:07:45No, it's not about the house.

0:07:45 > 0:07:47MOBILE BEEPS

0:07:48 > 0:07:49FORD: Who's he?

0:07:49 > 0:07:51ARTHUR: She. She.

0:07:51 > 0:07:52Tricia McMillan.

0:07:52 > 0:07:54We met at a fancy-dress party.

0:07:54 > 0:07:56MUSIC PLAYS

0:07:56 > 0:07:58ARTHUR: 'See, I hate those kind of parties.

0:07:58 > 0:08:00'I'd rather have stayed at home

0:08:00 > 0:08:02'and, I don't know, ironed my hankies. But there I was.'

0:08:02 > 0:08:03Who are you? Oh!

0:08:03 > 0:08:05'And there she was.'

0:08:05 > 0:08:07Uh, Dent. Arthur Dent.

0:08:07 > 0:08:09Oh, no. I mean, who ARE you?

0:08:09 > 0:08:11Oh, the costume? Right.

0:08:11 > 0:08:12Livingstone, I presume!

0:08:12 > 0:08:15Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin, I know,

0:08:15 > 0:08:18but it's the best I could do at short notice.

0:08:18 > 0:08:20You're the first person who's gotten that right.

0:08:20 > 0:08:21Really? Yes.

0:08:21 > 0:08:22Everyone keeps calling me Santa.

0:08:22 > 0:08:23Right.

0:08:23 > 0:08:25I thought the beagle was a giveaway!

0:08:25 > 0:08:27Yes, well, so did I.

0:08:27 > 0:08:28I guess most of the people who come

0:08:28 > 0:08:30to these sort of parties are drunken idiots. What?

0:08:30 > 0:08:33I said all these people are idiots! God...

0:08:33 > 0:08:35SHE LAUGHS

0:08:37 > 0:08:38That's awkward.

0:08:38 > 0:08:39ARTHUR: Tell me...

0:08:42 > 0:08:45She was amazing, though, Ford.

0:08:45 > 0:08:48'Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.'

0:08:48 > 0:08:50I've gotta say, without the beard,

0:08:50 > 0:08:52you look at least 80 years younger.

0:08:52 > 0:08:55Maybe I'm de-evolving.

0:08:55 > 0:08:56Ah. Ah-ha!

0:08:58 > 0:08:59Well, I feel I should tell you

0:08:59 > 0:09:03that I do not date single-cell organisms, OK?

0:09:05 > 0:09:07Let's go somewhere.

0:09:07 > 0:09:08Yeah.

0:09:08 > 0:09:10Definitely.

0:09:10 > 0:09:12Um, where do you have in mind?

0:09:12 > 0:09:14Madagascar.

0:09:14 > 0:09:16That new club on Dean Street?

0:09:16 > 0:09:19No, it's a country off the coast of Africa.

0:09:19 > 0:09:20THAT Madagascar?

0:09:20 > 0:09:22Why are we waiting here?

0:09:22 > 0:09:24Wait a sec.

0:09:24 > 0:09:26SHE LAUGHS Go!

0:09:28 > 0:09:30God, you're serious.

0:09:30 > 0:09:34Um, I can't go to Madagascar...

0:09:34 > 0:09:35Why not?

0:09:35 > 0:09:36Because, I just, you know...

0:09:36 > 0:09:38I can't... You're really serious?

0:09:38 > 0:09:39Yeah. I wanna go somewhere I've never been

0:09:39 > 0:09:41and I'd like to go with you,

0:09:41 > 0:09:43so what do you say, Dr Livingstone?

0:09:44 > 0:09:50I say that's an extraordinary proposition.

0:09:50 > 0:09:52I can't, I can't go.

0:09:52 > 0:09:53I mean, I've got a job.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55Quit. Get a new one when you come back.

0:09:55 > 0:09:57I don't even know your real name.

0:09:57 > 0:09:59Ow! Ow! Tricia McMillan.

0:09:59 > 0:10:01Well, Tricia McMillan.

0:10:01 > 0:10:03Um, I have a proposition for you.

0:10:03 > 0:10:07Why don't we go somewhere a little closer first,

0:10:07 > 0:10:10say...Cornwall,

0:10:10 > 0:10:13and we'll see how it goes?

0:10:13 > 0:10:16Right.

0:10:16 > 0:10:18Of course, Cornwall.

0:10:18 > 0:10:21MAN: Hey, excuse me.

0:10:23 > 0:10:26Is this guy boring you?

0:10:26 > 0:10:27Why don't you talk to me instead?

0:10:27 > 0:10:32I'm from a different planet. HE LAUGHS

0:10:32 > 0:10:34< It's true.

0:10:34 > 0:10:37You want to see my spaceship?

0:10:37 > 0:10:38SHE LAUGHS

0:10:38 > 0:10:40'"Do you want to see my spaceship?"'

0:10:40 > 0:10:42I mean, really, what kind of chat-up line is that?

0:10:42 > 0:10:44Mm, that does happen.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46Speaking of...

0:10:47 > 0:10:49We've got two minutes. Drink up, drink up.

0:10:49 > 0:10:51RUMBLING

0:10:51 > 0:10:52That's my house!

0:10:59 > 0:11:01People of Earth,

0:11:01 > 0:11:03a round of drinks, for everyone, on me.

0:11:03 > 0:11:06So you really think the world's going to end?

0:11:06 > 0:11:08Yes.

0:11:08 > 0:11:09Shouldn't we lie down,

0:11:09 > 0:11:12or put a paper bag over our heads, or something?

0:11:12 > 0:11:13Oh, if you like.

0:11:13 > 0:11:15Will it help?

0:11:15 > 0:11:19Not at all. See you. BARMAN: Last orders, then.

0:11:19 > 0:11:21HE SHOUTS INSTRUCTIONS

0:11:33 > 0:11:36MAN: What is that?

0:11:36 > 0:11:37SECOND MAN: Run!

0:11:37 > 0:11:38THIRD MAN: Look out!

0:11:38 > 0:11:40THEY YELL

0:12:04 > 0:12:06FORD: Ah-ha! Towel!

0:12:08 > 0:12:09Arthur!

0:12:09 > 0:12:12What the hell are those things?

0:12:12 > 0:12:15Yeow! They're ships from a Vogon constructor fleet.

0:12:15 > 0:12:17I picked up their signal this morning.

0:12:17 > 0:12:18Here, you'll need this.

0:12:18 > 0:12:21ARTHUR WHIMPERS ARTHUR: What are you doing?

0:12:21 > 0:12:23Hang on, we're hitching a ride.

0:12:23 > 0:12:25FEEDBACK FROM MIC

0:12:25 > 0:12:28Um, people of Earth,

0:12:28 > 0:12:31this is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz

0:12:31 > 0:12:33of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.

0:12:33 > 0:12:35As you are probably aware,

0:12:35 > 0:12:38'Plans for the development of the outlying regions of the galaxy

0:12:38 > 0:12:41'Involve the building of a hyperspace express route

0:12:41 > 0:12:43'through your star system.

0:12:43 > 0:12:45'Your planet is one of those

0:12:45 > 0:12:47'scheduled for demolition.'

0:12:47 > 0:12:48SCREAMING

0:12:48 > 0:12:50SCREAMING

0:12:50 > 0:12:52SCREAMING

0:12:52 > 0:12:54SHEEP BLEATING

0:12:54 > 0:12:57'There's no point acting all surprised.

0:12:57 > 0:12:58'The plans and demolition orders

0:12:58 > 0:13:02'have been on display at your local planning office in Alpha Centauri

0:13:02 > 0:13:03'for 50 Earth years.

0:13:03 > 0:13:06'If you can't be bothered to take an interest

0:13:06 > 0:13:08'in local affairs, that's your own lookout.'

0:13:08 > 0:13:10Apathetic bloody planet.

0:13:10 > 0:13:12I've no sympathy at all.

0:13:13 > 0:13:15SPEAKS VOGON LANGUAGE

0:13:15 > 0:13:17ELECTRICAL DISCHARGE

0:13:17 > 0:13:19ARTHUR SCREAMS

0:13:57 > 0:14:00MUSIC PLAYS

0:14:56 > 0:14:59NARRATOR: 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

0:14:59 > 0:15:01'is a wholly remarkable book.

0:15:01 > 0:15:03'Perhaps the most remarkable,

0:15:03 > 0:15:04'certainly the most successful book,

0:15:04 > 0:15:09'ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor.

0:15:09 > 0:15:11'More popular than the Celestial Homecare Omnibus,

0:15:11 > 0:15:15'better selling than 53 More Things To Do In Zero Gravity,

0:15:15 > 0:15:19'and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters,

0:15:19 > 0:15:21'Where God Went Wrong,

0:15:21 > 0:15:23'Some More Of God's Greatest Mistakes,

0:15:23 > 0:15:27'and Who Is This God Person Anyway?

0:15:27 > 0:15:30'It's already supplanted the Encyclopedia Galactica

0:15:30 > 0:15:35'as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom for two important reasons.

0:15:35 > 0:15:38'First, it's slightly cheaper,

0:15:38 > 0:15:41'and second, it has the words "Don't panic"

0:15:41 > 0:15:44'printed in large, friendly letters on its cover.'

0:15:53 > 0:15:55So you're not from Guildford?

0:15:55 > 0:15:58Which would explain the accent,

0:15:58 > 0:16:00which I've always wondered about.

0:16:00 > 0:16:03Um, you're not an out-of-work actor,

0:16:03 > 0:16:06but rather a writer for this...

0:16:06 > 0:16:08this book thing.

0:16:09 > 0:16:12FORD: It's good, huh?

0:16:12 > 0:16:13I don't feel well. I need a cup of tea.

0:16:13 > 0:16:17If I asked where we were, would I regret it?

0:16:17 > 0:16:18We're safe for now.

0:16:18 > 0:16:19Good.

0:16:19 > 0:16:22SNIFFING We're in the washroom on one of the ships

0:16:22 > 0:16:24of the Vogon constructor fleet.

0:16:24 > 0:16:25Oh, get me home, Ford.

0:16:25 > 0:16:27Arthur, your home is...

0:16:27 > 0:16:28Oh, god, my home.

0:16:28 > 0:16:31My home was demolished.

0:16:31 > 0:16:33CLANGING

0:16:33 > 0:16:35RUMBLING

0:16:35 > 0:16:37You don't remember.

0:16:38 > 0:16:43OK, Arthur, I've got something to tell you.

0:16:43 > 0:16:45It's unfortunate, but it's true.

0:16:45 > 0:16:48Your home planet has been blown up.

0:16:57 > 0:16:58Huh, blown up.

0:17:00 > 0:17:03FORD GRUNTS

0:17:05 > 0:17:07Couldn't you have done something?

0:17:07 > 0:17:08I saved your life.

0:17:08 > 0:17:11OK, that makes us even.

0:17:11 > 0:17:12It's a tough galaxy.

0:17:12 > 0:17:15If you want to survive out here,

0:17:15 > 0:17:17you've gotta know...

0:17:17 > 0:17:19where your towel is.

0:17:19 > 0:17:21OK, give me a hand over here.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25Careful. It's hot.

0:17:25 > 0:17:26We've gotta get off this ship,

0:17:26 > 0:17:29before the Vogons find us.

0:17:29 > 0:17:31Vogons, they hate hitchhikers.

0:17:31 > 0:17:34Pull. Huh?

0:17:34 > 0:17:36Aah!

0:17:36 > 0:17:38FORD LAUGHS

0:17:38 > 0:17:39Now we'll get a signal.

0:17:39 > 0:17:41What is a Vogon?

0:17:41 > 0:17:43Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons".

0:17:44 > 0:17:47Vogons.

0:17:47 > 0:17:51GUIDE: 'Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy.

0:17:51 > 0:17:53'Not evil, but bad-tempered,

0:17:53 > 0:17:56'bureaucratic, officious and callous.

0:17:56 > 0:17:58'They wouldn't even lift a finger to save

0:17:58 > 0:18:01'their own grandmothers from the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal

0:18:01 > 0:18:04'without orders signed in triplicate,

0:18:04 > 0:18:06'sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found,

0:18:06 > 0:18:09'subjected to public inquiry, lost again

0:18:09 > 0:18:12'and finally buried in soft peat for three months

0:18:12 > 0:18:15'and recycled as firelighters.

0:18:15 > 0:18:18'On no account should you allow a Vogon

0:18:18 > 0:18:20'to read poetry to you.'

0:18:20 > 0:18:22KLAXON

0:18:22 > 0:18:24FORD: They can't think or imagine.

0:18:24 > 0:18:25Most can't even spell.

0:18:25 > 0:18:26They just run things.

0:18:29 > 0:18:30Hmm?

0:18:30 > 0:18:32GRUNTS

0:18:32 > 0:18:34If we don't get a ride soon,

0:18:34 > 0:18:36we won't need the Guide to tell us

0:18:36 > 0:18:38how unpleasant the Vogons can be.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40They've already destroyed a planet today.

0:18:40 > 0:18:43That always makes them a little-eee!

0:18:43 > 0:18:46INDISTINCT SHOUTING ON LOUDSPEAKER

0:18:46 > 0:18:49GROANING What is that?

0:18:49 > 0:18:50Put this in your ear.

0:18:50 > 0:18:52Huh?

0:18:53 > 0:18:55YELLING

0:18:55 > 0:19:00VOGON: We have unwittingly picked up a couple of hitchhikers.

0:19:00 > 0:19:02The fish is translating for you.

0:19:03 > 0:19:06GUIDE: 'The babel fish is small, yellow, leech-like,

0:19:06 > 0:19:10'and probably the oddest thing in the universe.

0:19:10 > 0:19:13'It feeds on brainwave energy,

0:19:13 > 0:19:14'absorbing unconscious frequencies,

0:19:14 > 0:19:17'and excreting a matrix of conscious frequencies

0:19:17 > 0:19:19'to the speech centres of the brain.

0:19:19 > 0:19:20'The practical upshot of which

0:19:20 > 0:19:22'is that if you stick one in your ear,

0:19:22 > 0:19:28'you instantly understand anything said to you in any language.'

0:19:28 > 0:19:29RUMBLING

0:19:29 > 0:19:32CRASHING

0:19:35 > 0:19:38Resistance is useless.

0:19:41 > 0:19:43All right.

0:19:43 > 0:19:44Someone's coming.

0:19:44 > 0:19:46Here we go. Look lively.

0:19:46 > 0:19:48RUMBLING

0:19:51 > 0:19:52GRUNTING

0:19:52 > 0:19:55INDISTINCT CHATTER

0:20:06 > 0:20:08CRAB: Wheee!

0:20:09 > 0:20:11GRUNTING

0:20:11 > 0:20:13CRAB SQUEAKS

0:20:13 > 0:20:15Ha ha!

0:20:16 > 0:20:18ALL SHRIEK

0:20:19 > 0:20:20DOOR CLANGS

0:20:20 > 0:20:22Hmm.

0:20:22 > 0:20:24Sir.

0:20:24 > 0:20:25What?

0:20:25 > 0:20:27Hitchhikers.

0:20:27 > 0:20:28GROANS

0:20:28 > 0:20:31BELL RINGS

0:20:52 > 0:20:54GRUNTING

0:20:57 > 0:20:59VOGON MURMURS

0:20:59 > 0:21:01CLEARING THROAT

0:21:03 > 0:21:07"O freddled gruntbuggly..."

0:21:07 > 0:21:10No, no, really, you don't have to read.

0:21:10 > 0:21:12< We've put you through enough trouble already.

0:21:12 > 0:21:15"...as plerdled gabbleblotchits

0:21:15 > 0:21:17"on a lurgid bee."

0:21:17 > 0:21:21GUIDE: 'Vogon poetry is widely accepted

0:21:21 > 0:21:23'as the third worst in the universe.

0:21:23 > 0:21:24GROANS

0:21:24 > 0:21:27GUIDE: 'The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria.

0:21:27 > 0:21:31'During a recitation by their poet master, Grunthos the flatulent,

0:21:31 > 0:21:33'of his poem Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty

0:21:33 > 0:21:36'I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning,

0:21:36 > 0:21:39'four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging.

0:21:39 > 0:21:42'And the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council

0:21:42 > 0:21:45'survived by gnawing one of his own legs off.'

0:21:45 > 0:21:50"Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts..."

0:21:50 > 0:21:53GROANING "with my blurgle..."

0:21:53 > 0:21:54GUIDE: 'The worst poetry

0:21:54 > 0:21:57'was written by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex.

0:21:57 > 0:22:01'Luckily, it was destroyed when the Earth was.'

0:22:01 > 0:22:03"See if I don't."

0:22:03 > 0:22:04Yeah.

0:22:04 > 0:22:06VOGONS CHUCKLE

0:22:06 > 0:22:08So, Earthlings,

0:22:08 > 0:22:11I present you with a choice.

0:22:11 > 0:22:13Either die in the vacuum of space...

0:22:13 > 0:22:15FORD WHIMPERS

0:22:15 > 0:22:19..or tell me what you thought of my poem.

0:22:19 > 0:22:21VOGONS CHUCKLE

0:22:21 > 0:22:25A-a-actually, I rather liked it.

0:22:25 > 0:22:27Hmm?

0:22:27 > 0:22:29That's good. Run with it.

0:22:29 > 0:22:32Uh, some of the words I didn't understand,

0:22:32 > 0:22:34But I found the imagery quite effective.

0:22:34 > 0:22:35Um...

0:22:35 > 0:22:37Continue.

0:22:37 > 0:22:41Well, uh, yes, interesting rhythmic devices,

0:22:41 > 0:22:46which seemed to counterpoint the underlying metaphor of the humanity of...

0:22:46 > 0:22:47Vogonity!

0:22:47 > 0:22:49Vogonity, sorry! Vog-vog-vogonity...

0:22:49 > 0:22:50of the poet's soul.

0:22:50 > 0:22:52VOGONS MURMUR

0:22:55 > 0:22:58So what you're saying is,

0:22:58 > 0:23:01I write poetry because...

0:23:01 > 0:23:06ahem, underneath this mean, callous, heartless exterior,

0:23:06 > 0:23:10I just want to be loved?

0:23:10 > 0:23:13Yes, yes, yes.

0:23:13 > 0:23:15Yes, yes, yeah, please.

0:23:15 > 0:23:17Ahh. MOANING

0:23:21 > 0:23:22Throw them off the ship!

0:23:22 > 0:23:24ALL YELL

0:23:24 > 0:23:25No! No!

0:23:29 > 0:23:32Resistance is useless!

0:23:33 > 0:23:35GRINDING

0:23:35 > 0:23:37Shut up! Get a job!

0:23:37 > 0:23:39Wash your filthy hands!

0:23:39 > 0:23:41WHISPERS: Don't panic.

0:23:41 > 0:23:42Don't panic.

0:23:42 > 0:23:44So this is it?

0:23:44 > 0:23:47We're going to die?

0:23:47 > 0:23:52Yeah, we're gonna die.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54No, no, what's this?

0:23:54 > 0:23:56What's that?

0:23:56 > 0:23:58What's this?

0:23:58 > 0:23:59This is...nothing.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01Yeah, we're gonna die.

0:24:01 > 0:24:03SIGHS

0:24:06 > 0:24:08PHONE BEEPS

0:24:08 > 0:24:10GROANS

0:24:10 > 0:24:13You're sweating.

0:24:20 > 0:24:22Would you like a hug? No.

0:24:22 > 0:24:24KLAXON

0:24:24 > 0:24:26RUMBLING

0:24:33 > 0:24:35KLAXON AND RUMBLING STOP

0:24:36 > 0:24:38GUIDE: '"Space..." says the introduction

0:24:38 > 0:24:42'to the Hitchhiker's Guide, "..is big. Really big."

0:24:42 > 0:24:45'"You just won't believe how vastly, hugely,

0:24:45 > 0:24:47'"mind-bogglingly big it is."

0:24:47 > 0:24:49'And-and so on.

0:24:49 > 0:24:52'It also says that if you hold a lungful of air,

0:24:52 > 0:24:55'you can survive in the total vacuum of space

0:24:55 > 0:24:57'for about 30 seconds.

0:24:57 > 0:24:59'But with space being really big and all,

0:24:59 > 0:25:02'the chances of being picked up within that time

0:25:02 > 0:25:04'are two to the power of two billion,

0:25:04 > 0:25:10'79,460,357 to 1 against.

0:25:10 > 0:25:12'Which, by a staggering coincidence,

0:25:12 > 0:25:14'is also the phone number of the Islington flat

0:25:14 > 0:25:17'where Arthur went to a fancy dress party

0:25:17 > 0:25:20'and met a very nice young woman whom he totally blew it with.'

0:25:20 > 0:25:22BOOM

0:25:22 > 0:25:24'Though the planet Earth,

0:25:24 > 0:25:29'Islington flat and telephone have all now been demolished,

0:25:29 > 0:25:32'Ford and Arthur were, in fact, rescued.'

0:25:32 > 0:25:34ARTHUR: Ford?

0:25:34 > 0:25:35FORD: Yes.

0:25:35 > 0:25:37I think I'm a sofa.

0:25:37 > 0:25:39I know how you feel.

0:25:39 > 0:25:41BOTH SCREAM

0:25:46 > 0:25:48So much for the laws of physics.

0:25:48 > 0:25:51REPORTER ON TV: 'And once again, our top story.

0:25:51 > 0:25:55'The sensational theft of the most coveted ship in the universe,

0:25:55 > 0:25:57'the starship Heart Of Gold.

0:25:57 > 0:25:59'Stolen at the launch ceremony by none other

0:25:59 > 0:26:02'than Galactic President Zaphod Beeblebrox.'

0:26:02 > 0:26:05ZAPHOD: In the name of people, freedom, and, uh...

0:26:05 > 0:26:07democracy, stuff like that,

0:26:07 > 0:26:09I hereby kidnap myself

0:26:09 > 0:26:11and I'm taking the ship with me.

0:26:11 > 0:26:13Whoo! Come on!

0:26:13 > 0:26:14CROWD GASPS

0:26:14 > 0:26:16REPORTER: 'Beeblebrox, universally considered

0:26:16 > 0:26:19'to be the dimmest star in several solar systems,

0:26:19 > 0:26:23'is most famous for his controversial defeat of Humma Kavula,

0:26:23 > 0:26:24'who claimed many thought they were voting

0:26:24 > 0:26:27'for the Worst-Dressed Sentient Being In The Universe Contest.'

0:26:27 > 0:26:29LAUGHS

0:26:29 > 0:26:31Great.

0:26:31 > 0:26:33'Humma Kavula is of course best remembered for his slanderous

0:26:33 > 0:26:36'"Don't vote for Stupid!" campaign.'

0:26:36 > 0:26:37WOMAN: Can we put your ego aside?

0:26:37 > 0:26:39Something important has happened.

0:26:39 > 0:26:42If there's anything more important than my ego onboard,

0:26:42 > 0:26:44I want it caught and right shot now.

0:26:44 > 0:26:45Hey, come on, I love it.

0:26:45 > 0:26:47'Zaphod's just this guy, you know.'

0:26:50 > 0:26:51Hey, hey, hey, hey.

0:26:51 > 0:26:53What d'you...I was just watching myself.

0:26:53 > 0:26:55The computer says we have a couple of hitchhikers

0:26:55 > 0:26:56in our receiving bay...

0:26:56 > 0:26:59Hitchhikers? Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?

0:26:59 > 0:27:01I didn't. The ship did.

0:27:01 > 0:27:02What?

0:27:02 > 0:27:03Wh... Wha... Say what?

0:27:03 > 0:27:06Well, when we engaged the improbability drive -

0:27:06 > 0:27:08this, the big button... Yeah, I know.

0:27:08 > 0:27:11..they were picked up here in sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.

0:27:11 > 0:27:14Wait a minute, that's where you picked me up.

0:27:14 > 0:27:15On Earth.

0:27:15 > 0:27:17That's impossible. No, just improbable.

0:27:17 > 0:27:19Listen, Slim, I don't have time for this, you know?

0:27:19 > 0:27:21We have police of half the galaxy after us.

0:27:21 > 0:27:23We've stopped to pick up hitchhikers.

0:27:23 > 0:27:25OK, so ten out of ten for style, but...

0:27:25 > 0:27:27minus several million for good thinking.

0:27:27 > 0:27:29You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it.

0:27:29 > 0:27:32You're driving me crazy.

0:27:32 > 0:27:33Don't.

0:27:33 > 0:27:36< I'll send Marvin.

0:27:36 > 0:27:37Marvin!

0:27:37 > 0:27:39WHIRRING

0:27:39 > 0:27:43I think you ought to know, I'm feeling very depressed.

0:27:43 > 0:27:45Well, we have something

0:27:45 > 0:27:48that should take your mind off things.

0:27:48 > 0:27:49It won't work.

0:27:49 > 0:27:52I have an exceptionally large mind.

0:27:52 > 0:27:54Yeah, we know.

0:27:54 > 0:27:58But, um, we need you to go down to the number two entry bay

0:27:58 > 0:28:00and pick up our stowaways and bring them up here.

0:28:00 > 0:28:02Just that?

0:28:02 > 0:28:04I won't enjoy it.

0:28:04 > 0:28:07Yeah, well, that's life.

0:28:07 > 0:28:08Life?

0:28:08 > 0:28:11Don't talk to me about life.

0:28:19 > 0:28:21INTERCOM: 'Commander Kwaltz?'

0:28:21 > 0:28:22Yes?

0:28:22 > 0:28:24'We have located the spaceship Heart Of Gold

0:28:24 > 0:28:26'and President Beeblebrox.'

0:28:26 > 0:28:27Where?

0:28:27 > 0:28:30'On sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.

0:28:30 > 0:28:32'Requesting hyperspace clearance.'

0:28:32 > 0:28:35Hold your position, Captain,

0:28:35 > 0:28:38until clearance is granted.

0:28:38 > 0:28:39'Yes, sir.'

0:28:39 > 0:28:43Get me Vice-President Questular, mm-hmm.

0:28:43 > 0:28:46GROANING

0:28:46 > 0:28:50'Hyperspace permission granted, Captain.'

0:28:50 > 0:28:52ALL TALK AT ONCE

0:28:52 > 0:28:54ENGINES ROAR

0:29:02 > 0:29:05DOOR SIGHS

0:29:11 > 0:29:13DOOR SIGHS

0:29:13 > 0:29:15I think that door just sighed.

0:29:15 > 0:29:17MARVIN: Ghastly, isn't it?

0:29:17 > 0:29:20All the doors in this spaceship

0:29:20 > 0:29:23have been programmed to have a cheerful and sunny disposition.

0:29:25 > 0:29:27Anyway, come on.

0:29:27 > 0:29:30I've been ordered to take you up to the bridge.

0:29:32 > 0:29:34Oh, please yourselves.

0:29:34 > 0:29:38Here I am, brain the size of a planet,

0:29:38 > 0:29:40and they ask me to take you up to the bridge.

0:29:40 > 0:29:41Call that job satisfaction?

0:29:41 > 0:29:43Cos I don't.

0:29:43 > 0:29:47You can thank the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation

0:29:47 > 0:29:49for building robots with GPP.

0:29:49 > 0:29:50ARTHUR: What's GPP?

0:29:50 > 0:29:52MARVIN: Genuine People Personalities.

0:29:52 > 0:29:54I'm a personality prototype.

0:29:54 > 0:29:57You can tell, can't you?

0:30:02 > 0:30:04Arthur?

0:30:04 > 0:30:07ZAPHOD: Hey, Slim, are you wearing my underwear?

0:30:07 > 0:30:09Cos I'm wearing yours.

0:30:09 > 0:30:11And they ain't doing the trick.

0:30:11 > 0:30:12Come on. All right.

0:30:14 > 0:30:15DOOR SIGHS

0:30:15 > 0:30:18MARVIN: Oh, for heaven's sake.

0:30:18 > 0:30:19I've brought the aliens.

0:30:19 > 0:30:21Don't thank me or anything.

0:30:21 > 0:30:23Aha! Ow!

0:30:23 > 0:30:24Freeze! FORD SQUEALS

0:30:24 > 0:30:25Freeze?

0:30:25 > 0:30:27Dippity doo. I'm a robot.

0:30:27 > 0:30:28Not a refrigerator.

0:30:28 > 0:30:30I wasn't talking to you, giggles.

0:30:30 > 0:30:33Oh, why do I bother? Zaphod?

0:30:33 > 0:30:34Ford!

0:30:34 > 0:30:36Is that you?

0:30:36 > 0:30:38Ford! Praxibetel Ix!

0:30:38 > 0:30:40What the hell are you doing here?

0:30:40 > 0:30:44I don't know. I just stuck out my thumb and here I am.

0:30:44 > 0:30:45That is so you.

0:30:45 > 0:30:47FORD: Look at you! President of the Galaxy.

0:30:47 > 0:30:50I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.

0:30:50 > 0:30:53You zarkin' frood. Come here, come here.

0:30:53 > 0:30:54I want you to meet a friend.

0:30:54 > 0:30:56Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.

0:30:56 > 0:30:57Oh.

0:30:57 > 0:30:58President of the Galaxy.

0:30:58 > 0:31:02He's my cousin. He's a semi-half brother.

0:31:02 > 0:31:04He shares three of the same mothers as me.

0:31:04 > 0:31:05We've met.

0:31:05 > 0:31:07Have we?

0:31:07 > 0:31:09I'm sorry.

0:31:09 > 0:31:11I've got a terrible memory for species.

0:31:11 > 0:31:12This is him, Ford.

0:31:12 > 0:31:15The would-you-like- to-see-my-spaceship bloke.

0:31:15 > 0:31:16Hmm.

0:31:16 > 0:31:18Hello, Arthur.

0:31:18 > 0:31:21Tricia!

0:31:22 > 0:31:23How you doin'?

0:31:23 > 0:31:25Hey, Trillian!

0:31:25 > 0:31:28This is my semi-half-brother Ix, I'm sorry, Ford.

0:31:28 > 0:31:29Hi.

0:31:29 > 0:31:30Hi.

0:31:30 > 0:31:35Um, would you excuse us for a second, please?

0:31:35 > 0:31:38You went down on that little planet and didn't call me?

0:31:38 > 0:31:41Sorry, pal, I didn't know. You know, I had a galaxy to run.

0:31:41 > 0:31:43Hi, Tricia McMillan, right?

0:31:43 > 0:31:45Oh, I think I heard him call you Trillian.

0:31:45 > 0:31:47Which of us got the right one?

0:31:47 > 0:31:48Oh, I shortened it.

0:31:48 > 0:31:49Something more spacey.

0:31:49 > 0:31:50Right. Yes, well,

0:31:50 > 0:31:52I was thinking of changing mine to,

0:31:52 > 0:31:53I don't know, Arthoolia.

0:31:53 > 0:31:54That's a good one.

0:31:54 > 0:31:57Well, this is weird.

0:31:57 > 0:31:59How'd you get here?

0:31:59 > 0:32:00I just stuck out my thumb, here I am.

0:32:00 > 0:32:02Right. In your pyjamas?

0:32:02 > 0:32:04I was in a hurry. Mm-hmm.

0:32:04 > 0:32:06OK. Did you know I was here?

0:32:06 > 0:32:09Oh, don't flatter yourself. I've got a spaceman, too.

0:32:09 > 0:32:12Yeah, that's like the dingo shuffle.

0:32:12 > 0:32:13OK, um, look.

0:32:13 > 0:32:15I left you at the party.

0:32:15 > 0:32:16I feel bad about it,

0:32:16 > 0:32:18But I was gonna call when I got back.

0:32:18 > 0:32:20There is no going back now, is there?

0:32:20 > 0:32:23You do know what happened, don't you?

0:32:23 > 0:32:25Hey, enough small talk.

0:32:25 > 0:32:26We're on the run, remember? I stole the ship.

0:32:26 > 0:32:28Excuse me, we're having a bit of a chat here. Do you mind?

0:32:28 > 0:32:30I think the girl's getting...BOO!

0:32:30 > 0:32:31LAUGHS

0:32:31 > 0:32:33You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut your face

0:32:33 > 0:32:35Or I'll kick you in the zatch.

0:32:35 > 0:32:37You wanna fight? Yeah, OK.

0:32:37 > 0:32:39Earthman wants to fight. No. No.

0:32:39 > 0:32:40I'm just kidding. I'm a kidder.

0:32:40 > 0:32:42Come on, let's be friends.

0:32:42 > 0:32:44Let's connect. You and I.

0:32:44 > 0:32:46Didn't see that one coming, did you?

0:32:46 > 0:32:48Popped right out of the box!

0:32:48 > 0:32:49Who's foxy, yeah!

0:32:49 > 0:32:51You should teach your pal a lesson, Ford.

0:32:51 > 0:32:53He's a guest on my ship.

0:32:53 > 0:32:55# He's a guest on my ship... #

0:32:55 > 0:32:58I thought you said you stole it.

0:32:58 > 0:33:01Stole what? What are we talking about?

0:33:01 > 0:33:03ELECTRONIC KLAXON

0:33:03 > 0:33:06Whoa! That doesn't sound good.

0:33:10 > 0:33:11Are you OK?

0:33:11 > 0:33:13I'm just fabulous, thanks, "Trill".

0:33:13 > 0:33:15Baby, need a little help over here.

0:33:15 > 0:33:16Think I'm in over my head.

0:33:16 > 0:33:17I'll take care of this.

0:33:17 > 0:33:20Good Zarquon, do I have to do everything?

0:33:20 > 0:33:21Yes, I do!

0:33:21 > 0:33:24Hey, hey, Slim, this is really pretty.

0:33:24 > 0:33:25Don't! Whoo!

0:33:25 > 0:33:26They're on our tail. Fire a gun.

0:33:26 > 0:33:28< Launch a missile. Do some damage!

0:33:28 > 0:33:30ENGINES ROAR

0:33:36 > 0:33:40Ow! Stop that! Ow! Just kiddin'. I love it rough.

0:33:40 > 0:33:42Hit me. Uh, computer?

0:33:42 > 0:33:43COMPUTER: 'Hi there.

0:33:43 > 0:33:45'I'm Eddie, your shipboard computer.

0:33:45 > 0:33:46'I'm pleased as punch to report

0:33:46 > 0:33:49'that it's a fleet of 100 Vogon battle destroyers.

0:33:49 > 0:33:51'They're sending you a message.'

0:33:51 > 0:33:53This is Vice-President Questular Rontok.

0:33:53 > 0:33:57'I am speaking to the kidnapper of the President?'

0:33:57 > 0:33:58She digs me. Check it out.

0:33:58 > 0:34:00'Surrender the stolen vessel at once

0:34:00 > 0:34:04'or we will take action as defined and permitted by...

0:34:05 > 0:34:09'Section 1-8 of the Galactic Interstellar Space Bylaws...

0:34:09 > 0:34:12'Zaphod, please come back now.

0:34:12 > 0:34:13'This is ridiculous.'

0:34:13 > 0:34:15Leap to hyperspace! Come on!

0:34:15 > 0:34:18EDDIE: Oh, sure thing, fella!

0:34:24 > 0:34:26No.

0:34:26 > 0:34:31Did they have proper hyperspace authorization?

0:34:31 > 0:34:33No, Commander.

0:34:33 > 0:34:34< Oh.

0:34:36 > 0:34:40Bring me the request to pursue fugitive forms.

0:34:40 > 0:34:42MESSENGER: I'm coming, sir.

0:34:42 > 0:34:44FOOTSTEPS

0:34:44 > 0:34:45PANTING: I'm boiling!

0:34:45 > 0:34:47Oh, oh. Here's the form, sir.

0:34:49 > 0:34:51Are you along for the ride,

0:34:51 > 0:34:53or am I just dropping you somewhere?

0:34:53 > 0:34:55That depends.

0:34:55 > 0:34:57Where are you going?

0:34:57 > 0:34:59Where am I going?

0:34:59 > 0:35:01You OK?

0:35:01 > 0:35:02Yeah.

0:35:02 > 0:35:04I don't suppose there's any tea

0:35:04 > 0:35:05on this spaceship?

0:35:05 > 0:35:07Yes, there is. Come on.

0:35:07 > 0:35:08I'll show you the kitchen.

0:35:08 > 0:35:10When you see what I'm about to show you,

0:35:10 > 0:35:12you'll beg me to take you with us.

0:35:12 > 0:35:14GUIDE: 'The best drink in existence

0:35:14 > 0:35:16'is the pan-galactic gargle blaster,

0:35:16 > 0:35:20'the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out

0:35:20 > 0:35:24'by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.'

0:35:24 > 0:35:25BOTH SCREAM

0:35:28 > 0:35:29Belgium. Belgium.

0:35:29 > 0:35:31Hold it one second.

0:35:31 > 0:35:33Hey, ape-man, Earth dude,

0:35:33 > 0:35:35What's your name again?

0:35:35 > 0:35:36Ahem. Arthur.

0:35:36 > 0:35:37Right. Gorgeous.

0:35:37 > 0:35:38No hard feelings, OK?

0:35:38 > 0:35:40Sorry to hear about your planet...

0:35:40 > 0:35:41What's it called? Earth!

0:35:41 > 0:35:43Yeah, yeah. I liked Earth.

0:35:43 > 0:35:44Got these boots on Earth.

0:35:44 > 0:35:45Listen, don't mention it to the girl, OK?

0:35:45 > 0:35:46Because if you do...

0:35:46 > 0:35:49(I'll pull your spleen out through your throat.)

0:35:49 > 0:35:51All right.

0:35:51 > 0:35:53Thanks, buddy. OK. Good stuff.

0:35:53 > 0:35:55Like those jammies.

0:35:56 > 0:35:58Hey. Hey, Zaphod,

0:35:58 > 0:36:00What's with the two-head thing?

0:36:00 > 0:36:02Oh, yeah.

0:36:02 > 0:36:05Apparently, you can't be president with a whole brain.

0:36:05 > 0:36:07It's crazy.

0:36:07 > 0:36:08Oh, so you carved it up?

0:36:08 > 0:36:11Yes. Some parts of my personality weren't exactly

0:36:11 > 0:36:13what you'd call presidential.

0:36:13 > 0:36:15Oh, no. You know what I'm talkin' about.

0:36:18 > 0:36:20DRINKS MACHINE: Your tea is ready.

0:36:26 > 0:36:27Eugh!

0:36:32 > 0:36:35I suppose I should've said "It resembles tea".

0:36:35 > 0:36:37BOTH CHUCKLE

0:36:37 > 0:36:39So, two heads is what does it for a girl?

0:36:39 > 0:36:40Yeah? I mean, if I'd had

0:36:40 > 0:36:42two heads, or, I don't know, three...

0:36:42 > 0:36:44Or your own spaceship.

0:36:44 > 0:36:47Anything else he's got two of?

0:36:47 > 0:36:50Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.

0:36:50 > 0:36:51What am I supposed to be like?

0:36:51 > 0:36:52You know? Green?

0:36:52 > 0:36:54Bleeping?

0:36:54 > 0:36:56I can fold me eyelids inside out if you like.

0:36:56 > 0:36:58OK, look.

0:36:58 > 0:37:00Do you see this?

0:37:00 > 0:37:04This detects what you're craving and makes it for you.

0:37:04 > 0:37:07MACHINE: Enjoy your doughnut.

0:37:09 > 0:37:12Do you see this?

0:37:12 > 0:37:14LAUGHS

0:37:14 > 0:37:21This toasts bread while you're slicing it.

0:37:21 > 0:37:24We're on a spaceship, Arthur.

0:37:24 > 0:37:26In space.

0:37:26 > 0:37:28I told you I wanted to get away.

0:37:28 > 0:37:31To Madagascar. That was...

0:37:31 > 0:37:34Some sort of test.

0:37:34 > 0:37:36And I failed.

0:37:36 > 0:37:37How badly does it hurt?

0:37:37 > 0:37:39It doesn't feel great.

0:37:39 > 0:37:41No, I mean your chin.

0:37:41 > 0:37:44Oh... I might have an aspirin. Right.

0:37:47 > 0:37:48TRICIA: Hey!

0:37:51 > 0:37:54Tricia... Trillian, sorry. Um,

0:37:54 > 0:37:56There's something I have to tell you.

0:37:56 > 0:37:57Please, don't.

0:37:57 > 0:37:59ZAPHOD: Showtime, Trill!

0:38:05 > 0:38:07I'm going to set up.

0:38:07 > 0:38:09Buttons aren't toys.

0:38:09 > 0:38:10Buttons aren't toys.

0:38:10 > 0:38:12Anyway, when I saw

0:38:12 > 0:38:13what I'm about to show you,

0:38:13 > 0:38:15that's when I realized why I had to do

0:38:15 > 0:38:18what I did to my brain.

0:38:18 > 0:38:21I think. It's all a little...

0:38:21 > 0:38:22shaky.

0:38:22 > 0:38:25ELECTRONIC WHIRRING

0:38:25 > 0:38:27MARVIN: I've seen it.

0:38:27 > 0:38:28It's rubbish.

0:38:28 > 0:38:30TRUMPET FANFARE

0:38:32 > 0:38:34GUIDE: 'Many millions of years ago,

0:38:34 > 0:38:37'a race of hyperintelligent, pan-dimensional beings

0:38:37 > 0:38:41'got so fed up with the constant bickering about the meaning of life,

0:38:41 > 0:38:44'that they commissioned two of their brightest and best

0:38:44 > 0:38:48'to design and build a stupendous super-computer

0:38:48 > 0:38:50'to calculate the answer to life,

0:38:50 > 0:38:53'the universe and everything.'

0:38:53 > 0:38:54O, Deep Thought,

0:38:54 > 0:38:59We want you to tell us the answer.

0:38:59 > 0:39:01DEEP THOUGHT: The answer to what?

0:39:01 > 0:39:05The answer to life, the universe, everything.

0:39:05 > 0:39:07We'd really like an answer.

0:39:07 > 0:39:09Something simple.

0:39:09 > 0:39:12Hmm, have to think about that.

0:39:12 > 0:39:14Return to this place in exactly

0:39:14 > 0:39:17seven and a half million years.

0:39:19 > 0:39:21Is it finished? Oh, no, there's more.

0:39:21 > 0:39:22They go back.

0:39:22 > 0:39:25Seven and a half million years later?

0:39:25 > 0:39:27That's right, they do.

0:39:27 > 0:39:29ALL CHEER

0:39:42 > 0:39:44Deep Thought...

0:39:44 > 0:39:46CROWD CHEER Do you have...

0:39:46 > 0:39:48DEEP THOUGHT: An answer for you?

0:39:48 > 0:39:50Yes, but you're not going to like it.

0:39:50 > 0:39:53It doesn't matter. We must know it.

0:39:53 > 0:39:54All right.

0:39:54 > 0:39:57The answer to the ultimate question...

0:39:57 > 0:39:59CROWD CHEERS

0:39:59 > 0:40:04..of life, the universe and everything...

0:40:04 > 0:40:05..is...

0:40:05 > 0:40:07ALL CHEER

0:40:12 > 0:40:13..42.

0:40:13 > 0:40:14MAN: What?!

0:40:16 > 0:40:19WOMAN: 42?!

0:40:19 > 0:40:21Yes, I thought it over quite thoroughly. It's 42.

0:40:21 > 0:40:24It would've been simpler, of course,

0:40:24 > 0:40:26to have known what the actual question was.

0:40:26 > 0:40:27But it was THE question.

0:40:27 > 0:40:30The ultimate question.

0:40:30 > 0:40:32Of everything! That's not a question.

0:40:32 > 0:40:34Only when you know the question

0:40:34 > 0:40:35will you will know what the answer means.

0:40:35 > 0:40:37Give us the ultimate question, then.

0:40:37 > 0:40:40I can't. But there is one who can.

0:40:40 > 0:40:44A computer that will calculate the ultimate question.

0:40:44 > 0:40:47A computer of such infinite complexity,

0:40:47 > 0:40:51that life itself will form part of its operational matrix.

0:40:51 > 0:40:55And you yourselves shall take on new, more primitive forms,

0:40:55 > 0:40:57and go down into the computer to navigate

0:40:57 > 0:41:00its 10-million-year program.

0:41:00 > 0:41:03I shall design this computer for you,

0:41:03 > 0:41:04and it shall be called...

0:41:04 > 0:41:06STATIC

0:41:09 > 0:41:11That's it?

0:41:11 > 0:41:12That's it.

0:41:12 > 0:41:14You're looking for the ultimate question?

0:41:14 > 0:41:15Yep. You?

0:41:15 > 0:41:16Me. Why?

0:41:16 > 0:41:19No, I tried that. Why? 42. Doesn't work.

0:41:19 > 0:41:21Let's get it ready, baby.

0:41:21 > 0:41:22FORD: Why...

0:41:22 > 0:41:25do you want to know the ultimate question?

0:41:25 > 0:41:28Oh, well, partly the curiosity, partly a sense of adventure,

0:41:28 > 0:41:31but, uh, mostly I think it's for the fame and the money.

0:41:33 > 0:41:34You're President of the Galaxy?

0:41:34 > 0:41:36That's right, Arman. Arthur.

0:41:36 > 0:41:37Whatever.

0:41:37 > 0:41:39Presidential fame is temporary.

0:41:39 > 0:41:41I find the question, that's permanent.

0:41:41 > 0:41:42It sticks.

0:41:42 > 0:41:44Plus, everyone thinks you're deep. Win-win.

0:41:44 > 0:41:46We just hit that button

0:41:46 > 0:41:48and bam, we're at Magrathea,

0:41:48 > 0:41:50I think.

0:41:50 > 0:41:52I don't know. We've hit it twice

0:41:52 > 0:41:53and we're still not there, but anyway...you in?

0:41:53 > 0:41:57Always. All right!

0:41:57 > 0:41:58MARVIN: Oh, I want to get off.

0:41:58 > 0:42:00Sorry, what exactly are we doing?

0:42:00 > 0:42:01This!

0:42:05 > 0:42:08GUIDE: 'The infinite improbability drive

0:42:08 > 0:42:12'is a wonderful new method of crossing interstellar distances in a few seconds,

0:42:12 > 0:42:14'without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace.

0:42:14 > 0:42:18'As the improbability drive reaches infinite improbability,

0:42:18 > 0:42:20'it passes through every conceivable point

0:42:20 > 0:42:24'in every conceivable universe almost simultaneously.

0:42:24 > 0:42:26'In other words, you're never sure where you'll end up

0:42:26 > 0:42:28'or even what species you'll be when you get there.

0:42:28 > 0:42:31'It's therefore important to dress accordingly.

0:42:31 > 0:42:33'The infinite improbability drive

0:42:33 > 0:42:35'was invented following research into finite improbability,

0:42:35 > 0:42:38'often used to break the ice at parties

0:42:38 > 0:42:40'by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments

0:42:40 > 0:42:43'leap simultaneously one foot to the left

0:42:43 > 0:42:45'in accordance with the theory of indeterminacy.

0:42:45 > 0:42:47'Many respectable physicists said

0:42:47 > 0:42:49'they weren't going to stand for that sort of thing,

0:42:49 > 0:42:51'partly because it was a debasement of science,

0:42:51 > 0:42:55'but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties.'

0:42:57 > 0:42:59ENGINES RUMBLE

0:43:04 > 0:43:08Wow, is this gonna happen every time we hit that button?

0:43:08 > 0:43:11Very probably, yes.

0:43:11 > 0:43:14MARVIN: Ah, I think the Earthman's about to be sick.

0:43:14 > 0:43:17Whoa, do it in the trashcan, ape-man. This ship's brand new.

0:43:17 > 0:43:18Aw, come on!

0:43:18 > 0:43:20TRILLIAN: We have normality.

0:43:20 > 0:43:23Did it work? Are we there?

0:43:24 > 0:43:27Yeah. We're here.

0:43:27 > 0:43:29Magrathea! I don't think so.

0:43:29 > 0:43:30Magrathea! Eddie?

0:43:30 > 0:43:32Ow! What planet are we looking at?

0:43:32 > 0:43:34EDDIE: 'I'm checking for you.'

0:43:34 > 0:43:36Did you just pluck one of my hairs?

0:43:36 > 0:43:37< Off my head?

0:43:39 > 0:43:41EDDIE: 'Thank you so much for waiting.

0:43:41 > 0:43:43'I'm sorry to disappoint you, gang,

0:43:43 > 0:43:44'but this is not Magrathea.

0:43:44 > 0:43:48'We are currently in orbit around the planet Viltvodle Six.'

0:43:48 > 0:43:52Humma Kavula!

0:43:52 > 0:43:54Magrathea's gonna have to wait.

0:43:54 > 0:43:57I got a score to settle on this planet!

0:43:57 > 0:43:58ENGINES ROAR

0:43:58 > 0:44:02ZAPHOD: Humma Kavula!

0:44:04 > 0:44:08GUIDE: 'In the beginning, the universe was created.

0:44:08 > 0:44:11'This made a lot of people very angry,

0:44:11 > 0:44:13'and has been widely regarded as a bad move.'

0:44:13 > 0:44:15CROWD BOOS

0:44:15 > 0:44:19'Many races believed that it was created by some sort of god,

0:44:19 > 0:44:21'though the Jatravartid people of Viltvodle Six

0:44:21 > 0:44:23'firmly believe that the entire universe

0:44:23 > 0:44:26'was in fact sneezed out of the nose of a being

0:44:26 > 0:44:28'called the Great Green Arkleseizure.'

0:44:28 > 0:44:30ZAPHOD: Humma Kavula!

0:44:30 > 0:44:32GUIDE: 'The Jatravartids,

0:44:32 > 0:44:34'who lived in perpetual fear of the time they called

0:44:34 > 0:44:36'The Coming Of The Great White Handkerchief,

0:44:36 > 0:44:39'were small blue creatures with more than 50 arms each.

0:44:39 > 0:44:43'They were unique in being the only race in history

0:44:43 > 0:44:46'to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.'

0:44:48 > 0:44:49ALL: Mr President!

0:44:49 > 0:44:51Hey, all right. How you doin'? All right.

0:44:51 > 0:44:53What have we got here? I love it!

0:44:55 > 0:44:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:44:58 > 0:44:59Hey, I love you.

0:44:59 > 0:45:01Fantastic! You guys related?

0:45:01 > 0:45:03Don't go changing. Keep on movin'.

0:45:03 > 0:45:05Arthur, I want a drink.

0:45:05 > 0:45:07I think I've been here before.

0:45:07 > 0:45:09Have I been here before?

0:45:12 > 0:45:14< WOMEN: Ixxie!

0:45:14 > 0:45:16I've been here before.

0:45:16 > 0:45:18ZAPHOD: Humma Kavula!

0:45:18 > 0:45:19Come on.

0:45:19 > 0:45:21Tricia!

0:45:21 > 0:45:22Tricia, I...

0:45:23 > 0:45:26LAUGHTER

0:45:26 > 0:45:30CHURCH CHOIR: # Now we await

0:45:30 > 0:45:35# With eager expectation

0:45:35 > 0:45:38# Thy handkerchief

0:45:38 > 0:45:47# To bring us back to thee... #

0:45:50 > 0:45:51Hello, Hummy.

0:45:51 > 0:45:54PRIEST: Join us. Sit down.

0:45:54 > 0:45:56Hey, good to see you.

0:45:56 > 0:45:57Thanks. All right.

0:45:57 > 0:46:00HUMMA: The handkerchief is coming, beloveds.

0:46:00 > 0:46:05Let us pray the Almighty will exhale a breath of compassion on us all.

0:46:05 > 0:46:06EXHALES

0:46:06 > 0:46:09So that's Humma Kavula.

0:46:09 > 0:46:10I thought he was just swearing.

0:46:10 > 0:46:15We lift our noses, clogged and unblown,

0:46:15 > 0:46:18in reverence to you.

0:46:18 > 0:46:20Send the handkerchief, O Blessed One,

0:46:20 > 0:46:22so that it may wipe us clean.

0:46:22 > 0:46:25We ask this and all things

0:46:25 > 0:46:29in Thy Precious and Alliterative Name.

0:46:29 > 0:46:32ALL SNEEZE

0:46:32 > 0:46:34ALL SNIFFLE

0:46:37 > 0:46:40Bless you.

0:46:40 > 0:46:41DOOR BANGS

0:46:41 > 0:46:42ZAPHOD: Where we goin'? In here?

0:46:42 > 0:46:44< All right, I like it.

0:46:44 > 0:46:45< It's big, it's gold, it's fancy.

0:46:45 > 0:46:47Fancy pants!

0:46:47 > 0:46:50HUMMA: Zaphod Beeblebrox, our infamous president.

0:46:50 > 0:46:53What brings you to our humble planet?

0:46:53 > 0:46:54ZAPHOD: You know why I'm here.

0:46:54 > 0:46:56No, I don't think I do.

0:46:56 > 0:46:58Oh, I think you think you don't.

0:46:58 > 0:47:00But we both know...

0:47:00 > 0:47:02you do.

0:47:02 > 0:47:04Eloquent as always, Zaphod.

0:47:04 > 0:47:08Your ability to articulate never ceases to amaze.

0:47:08 > 0:47:09That's funny.

0:47:09 > 0:47:11During the campaign, Humma,

0:47:11 > 0:47:13When you were my opponent running against me,

0:47:13 > 0:47:15you said I was stupid.

0:47:33 > 0:47:36The election is ancient history,

0:47:36 > 0:47:38Zaphod, but...

0:47:41 > 0:47:43if memory serves, you won,

0:47:43 > 0:47:45proving that good looks

0:47:45 > 0:47:47and charm win over brilliance

0:47:47 > 0:47:51and the ability to govern.

0:47:54 > 0:47:59And, incidentally, you are stupid.

0:47:59 > 0:48:00Excuse me, Mr Humma, sir.

0:48:00 > 0:48:03Ooh, I just want to say,

0:48:03 > 0:48:05there's been a terrible mix up, hasn't there?

0:48:05 > 0:48:06Cos actually, he's not with us.

0:48:06 > 0:48:08We came to worship you.

0:48:08 > 0:48:10He followed us and...

0:48:10 > 0:48:13He grew, didn't he? He's not that tall.

0:48:13 > 0:48:15You didn't come halfway across the galaxy

0:48:15 > 0:48:18to settle a campaign grudge, Zaphod.

0:48:19 > 0:48:21Why are you here?

0:48:21 > 0:48:22MUSIC

0:48:22 > 0:48:25Of course not, that's...that's ridiculous.

0:48:25 > 0:48:29I've been stranded on a strange planet for a number of years,

0:48:29 > 0:48:31I haven't been avoiding you.

0:48:31 > 0:48:33You look great. You're doing well.

0:48:33 > 0:48:35You've grown, obviously.

0:48:35 > 0:48:37Arggh!

0:48:37 > 0:48:38Wait, wait, wait, wait!

0:48:38 > 0:48:39We don't know why we're here.

0:48:39 > 0:48:41We were trying to get to Magrathea

0:48:41 > 0:48:43and our ship brought us here.

0:48:43 > 0:48:49How very, very improbable.

0:48:53 > 0:48:55ELECTRONIC BUZZ

0:48:55 > 0:48:57I kept a few souvenirs from my former life.

0:48:57 > 0:49:00Ah, the heady days of space piracy.

0:49:00 > 0:49:02But...

0:49:02 > 0:49:07Even an infinite improbability drive requires coordinates.

0:49:07 > 0:49:10Which I happen to have.

0:49:10 > 0:49:11No, no, no.

0:49:11 > 0:49:14You don't get something for nothing, Zaphod.

0:49:14 > 0:49:17< You must bring me something in return.

0:49:17 > 0:49:18CHUCKLES Wh... What?

0:49:18 > 0:49:19< A gun.

0:49:19 > 0:49:21A gun?

0:49:21 > 0:49:22A very special gun

0:49:22 > 0:49:25designed by the greatest computer ever invented.

0:49:25 > 0:49:28But the only way to find it is to go to Magrathea.

0:49:28 > 0:49:29Fine.

0:49:29 > 0:49:31I'll get your gun.

0:49:31 > 0:49:33Just give me the coordinates.

0:49:33 > 0:49:35What will you give me to ensure your return?

0:49:35 > 0:49:37My word as President.

0:49:40 > 0:49:43No. I need a hostage.

0:49:43 > 0:49:47Only...

0:49:47 > 0:49:51What does Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?

0:49:53 > 0:49:55HUMMA WHISTLES

0:49:55 > 0:49:56CHUCKLES Come on.

0:49:58 > 0:49:59ZAPHOD CHUCKLES HYSTERICALLY

0:49:59 > 0:50:02Oh, no!

0:50:02 > 0:50:04ZAPHOD: Hey, hey, take it easy now.

0:50:04 > 0:50:06Think about this before you do it.

0:50:06 > 0:50:07ELECTRIC SAW No, stop it! Ah!

0:50:07 > 0:50:08That kind of tickles!

0:50:08 > 0:50:10Two heads are better than one.

0:50:10 > 0:50:12Double your pleasure.

0:50:12 > 0:50:14It's not fair!

0:50:14 > 0:50:17You need me! Come back!

0:50:17 > 0:50:20Come back! Don't leave me alone.

0:50:20 > 0:50:22HULA MUSIC PLAYS

0:50:22 > 0:50:24ZAPHOD: Come back!

0:50:24 > 0:50:26ARTHUR: Well, now, that was fun, wasn't it?

0:50:26 > 0:50:27Here I was thinking I was the only one

0:50:27 > 0:50:29who considered your boyfriend a narcissistic moron,

0:50:29 > 0:50:31when the whole galaxy does.

0:50:31 > 0:50:32Oh, what about you?

0:50:32 > 0:50:33"Oh, excuse me, Mr Humma, sir.

0:50:33 > 0:50:35"we're not with him.

0:50:35 > 0:50:36"we came here to worship you."

0:50:36 > 0:50:38Very brave(!)

0:50:38 > 0:50:40Where the hell is Ford?

0:50:40 > 0:50:42WHOOSH

0:50:43 > 0:50:45VOGON: By the left, march!

0:50:45 > 0:50:47Left, right,

0:50:47 > 0:50:50left, right, left, right.

0:50:50 > 0:50:54Mr President, we're here for your protection.

0:50:54 > 0:50:56Fire upon the kidnapper!

0:50:58 > 0:50:59Hey, come on!

0:50:59 > 0:51:01Commander, the President is the kidnapper.

0:51:01 > 0:51:02You'll kill him!

0:51:04 > 0:51:06It's locked!

0:51:08 > 0:51:11Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch.

0:51:14 > 0:51:16ALL YELL

0:51:16 > 0:51:17Come on, Zaphod, man!

0:51:21 > 0:51:22Hey, hey, what did I miss?

0:51:22 > 0:51:24What the hell have you been doing?

0:51:24 > 0:51:26I was doing field research.

0:51:26 > 0:51:27So they found where we are? Belgium bummer!

0:51:27 > 0:51:29Bummer? They're shooting at us!

0:51:29 > 0:51:30What are we going to do?

0:51:30 > 0:51:31I have an idea.

0:51:31 > 0:51:34Pushing him out there and running the other way?

0:51:34 > 0:51:36What? He's the one they want!

0:51:36 > 0:51:37Tricia, you can't go out there.

0:51:37 > 0:51:38What are you doing?

0:51:39 > 0:51:40Back off!

0:51:40 > 0:51:42VOGON: What's going on?

0:51:42 > 0:51:44I have the President

0:51:44 > 0:51:47and I will kill him, I swear I will.

0:51:47 > 0:51:49Could that actually kill him?

0:51:49 > 0:51:52I don't think so. It's an aerosol can.

0:51:52 > 0:51:53Oh.

0:51:53 > 0:51:57ARTHUR: OK, frightened now, frightened.

0:51:57 > 0:51:59ZAPHOD: Hi, little guy.

0:51:59 > 0:52:01Get her!

0:52:01 > 0:52:02ARTHUR: Zaphod, no, come on!

0:52:02 > 0:52:03Arthur!

0:52:03 > 0:52:05< Arthur!

0:52:05 > 0:52:07Tricia!

0:52:07 > 0:52:09Arthur! Tricia!

0:52:09 > 0:52:10Wait!

0:52:18 > 0:52:20TRICIA: Arthur!

0:52:23 > 0:52:27Resistance is useless!

0:52:35 > 0:52:40KWALTZ: 'Bring her to Vogsphere for processing, Captain.'

0:52:40 > 0:52:41DOOR SIGHS

0:52:41 > 0:52:43ZAPHOD: Where's the circus?

0:52:43 > 0:52:44They got her and it's my fault.

0:52:44 > 0:52:46We have to go! Let's go!

0:52:46 > 0:52:47ZAPHOD: Whoo! Let's go!

0:52:49 > 0:52:50Whoo!

0:52:50 > 0:52:52Computer, take us to Magrathea!

0:52:52 > 0:52:54What? No, no, no.

0:52:54 > 0:52:55We've got to go after Tricia.

0:52:55 > 0:52:56Who? Trillian. Trillian!

0:52:56 > 0:52:59They've got Trillian, you half-brained git!

0:52:59 > 0:53:00BOTH SHOUT

0:53:00 > 0:53:02Right, you're coming out!

0:53:02 > 0:53:03LAUGHS Computer,

0:53:03 > 0:53:05we don't want to go to Magrathea yet.

0:53:05 > 0:53:07We want to follow the ships.

0:53:07 > 0:53:08EDDIE: 'I'd love to, but wouldn't you know?

0:53:08 > 0:53:10'My guidance system has been deactivated.'

0:53:10 > 0:53:11Oh, come on!

0:53:11 > 0:53:13'I'm sorry about that,

0:53:13 > 0:53:14'But it wasn't my fault.'

0:53:14 > 0:53:15What you doing on the spaceship?

0:53:15 > 0:53:18Ford? Marvin.

0:53:18 > 0:53:20I've been talking to the ship's computer.

0:53:20 > 0:53:22And?

0:53:22 > 0:53:23It hates me.

0:53:23 > 0:53:25No, uh-uh.

0:53:25 > 0:53:26Eddie, Computer,

0:53:26 > 0:53:27there must be another way.

0:53:27 > 0:53:30Is there another way to follow the ships?

0:53:30 > 0:53:32EDDIE: 'Activating emergency escape pod.

0:53:32 > 0:53:34'It's super-neat and fun to fly!'

0:53:34 > 0:53:36ARTHUR: Ow!

0:53:36 > 0:53:38MARVIN: Unbelievable!

0:53:38 > 0:53:39ARTHUR: I'm in. I'm in.

0:53:39 > 0:53:41OK, Ford? Yeah, I'm here.

0:53:41 > 0:53:42Do you have any idea?

0:53:42 > 0:53:44FORD: OK, we'll press this button.

0:53:44 > 0:53:46ARTHUR: Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no.

0:53:46 > 0:53:48FORD: This button. OK? Nothing's...OK!

0:53:48 > 0:53:52Here we go. Good man, good man, good man.

0:53:52 > 0:53:54OK, we're wobbling...

0:53:54 > 0:53:55You forgot your towel. No!

0:53:55 > 0:53:57ARTHUR: Get him off me!

0:53:57 > 0:53:58I'll kill him!

0:53:58 > 0:53:59OK, Ford, there's a...

0:53:59 > 0:54:00FORD: Is that better?

0:54:00 > 0:54:02No, that's worse, that's worse.

0:54:02 > 0:54:04Do what... I don't need that.

0:54:04 > 0:54:06I don't need that. OK.

0:54:06 > 0:54:07Can you stop the rocking?

0:54:07 > 0:54:08OK. Marvin, any ideas?

0:54:08 > 0:54:10MARVIN: I have a million ideas.

0:54:10 > 0:54:12They all point to certain death.

0:54:12 > 0:54:13Thanks very much, Marv(!)

0:54:19 > 0:54:20ELECTRICITY BUZZES

0:54:20 > 0:54:22THUNDER

0:54:24 > 0:54:27Ooh, ooh.

0:54:27 > 0:54:28Eee! Ooh, ooh.

0:54:28 > 0:54:30GRUNTING

0:54:31 > 0:54:34SPACESHIP FALLING

0:54:34 > 0:54:35CRASHES Whoo!

0:54:37 > 0:54:39EXPLOSION

0:54:39 > 0:54:40Whee!

0:54:40 > 0:54:42Whee!

0:54:42 > 0:54:44Yeah!

0:54:44 > 0:54:47Yeah!

0:54:47 > 0:54:50CRAB CHEERS

0:54:53 > 0:54:55COUGHING

0:54:57 > 0:54:59Magrathea!

0:54:59 > 0:55:01FORD: No, we're on the Vogon planet.

0:55:01 > 0:55:03Yes, it is. It's Magrathea!

0:55:03 > 0:55:04This is Vogsphere.

0:55:04 > 0:55:06Yeah, Magrathea.

0:55:06 > 0:55:07No, it's not. Yes, it is!

0:55:07 > 0:55:08There is no Magrathea.

0:55:08 > 0:55:11Yes, it is. Yes, it is! GRUNTS

0:55:12 > 0:55:13What are you doing?

0:55:13 > 0:55:14They took my head.

0:55:14 > 0:55:16They have these on Arcturan megafreighters.

0:55:16 > 0:55:17My head.

0:55:17 > 0:55:19Captains use them when they need to concentrate.

0:55:19 > 0:55:21ZAPHOD LAUGHS What is it?

0:55:21 > 0:55:22It's a thinking cap.

0:55:22 > 0:55:24PULSING, PANTING

0:55:25 > 0:55:27FORD: There you go.

0:55:27 > 0:55:28PULSING STOPS

0:55:31 > 0:55:35That should give him some zest for about ten minutes or so.

0:55:35 > 0:55:40MARVIN: Now I'm feeling much better about our predicament.

0:55:40 > 0:55:41THUNDER

0:55:49 > 0:55:50CHAINS RATTLE

0:55:54 > 0:55:56TRILLIAN PANTS

0:55:59 > 0:56:00FORD: By the way,

0:56:00 > 0:56:02I checked the Guide for the best way

0:56:02 > 0:56:04to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere. It said don't.

0:56:04 > 0:56:06I'm assuming you have a better plan.

0:56:06 > 0:56:08I kind of had this idea that we could...

0:56:08 > 0:56:10Ow!

0:56:10 > 0:56:12Did anyone see that?

0:56:12 > 0:56:14See what? What was it?

0:56:14 > 0:56:15< ARTHUR: Uh...

0:56:15 > 0:56:17< Nothing. It's, uh, nothing.

0:56:17 > 0:56:19It's just my imagination. Oh!

0:56:19 > 0:56:20< OK, right. Now, stop.

0:56:20 > 0:56:23Everyone just stop a minute, please, and look at me.

0:56:23 > 0:56:25There's...

0:56:25 > 0:56:28definitely something going on here.

0:56:28 > 0:56:32Just...just watch.

0:56:32 > 0:56:34Just watch.

0:56:35 > 0:56:37WIND WHISTLES

0:56:37 > 0:56:40OK. Uh, I think we...

0:56:40 > 0:56:43Ooh! Ah-ha! You too!

0:56:43 > 0:56:45Yeah, what was that?

0:56:45 > 0:56:47I thi...

0:56:49 > 0:56:51Zaphod, what do you think?

0:56:54 > 0:56:56I think... ow! Zarquon!

0:56:56 > 0:56:58What was that? Jeez!

0:56:58 > 0:57:02I'd make a suggestion, but you wouldn't listen.

0:57:02 > 0:57:03< No one ever does.

0:57:03 > 0:57:05FORD: I have an idea.

0:57:05 > 0:57:07Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ford!

0:57:07 > 0:57:08Kill it! Get rid of it!

0:57:08 > 0:57:11GRUNTING AND INDISTINCT SHOUTING

0:57:16 > 0:57:18OK, don't think.

0:57:18 > 0:57:21Nobody think. No ideas.

0:57:21 > 0:57:23No theories. No nothing.

0:57:27 > 0:57:29All: Ow! GRUNTING

0:57:29 > 0:57:30This is crazy!

0:57:30 > 0:57:32Trillian is in there somewhere.

0:57:32 > 0:57:34And we need an idea to help save her.

0:57:34 > 0:57:36ZAPHOD: I have an ide...

0:57:36 > 0:57:39Aah! Run!

0:58:00 > 0:58:02ALL GRUNT AND PANT

0:58:05 > 0:58:07BELL RINGS

0:58:07 > 0:58:09VOGON: Hey, you're supposed to stop!

0:58:10 > 0:58:12POLICE SIREN

0:58:17 > 0:58:20OK, so I'm not thinking.

0:58:20 > 0:58:22Not thinking. No ideas coming.

0:58:24 > 0:58:25OK. This isn't an idea

0:58:25 > 0:58:29that has any merit at all, but, Marvin,

0:58:29 > 0:58:31can you give me a hand?

0:58:33 > 0:58:35OK, where is she?

0:58:38 > 0:58:41'Who, the Director of Robot Arm Repair?'

0:58:43 > 0:58:47Tricia Yggarstuk Mcmillanus of...Blaard?

0:58:47 > 0:58:50No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.

0:58:50 > 0:58:52Oh. Right.

0:58:52 > 0:58:55CLANKING

0:58:55 > 0:58:58COMPUTER SQUEAKS AND SQUEALS

0:58:58 > 0:59:02Sorry, no record of Earth.

0:59:02 > 0:59:05Galactic sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?

0:59:05 > 0:59:07Oh, yes.

0:59:07 > 0:59:09QUESTULAR: She's lying.

0:59:10 > 0:59:11She's skinny,

0:59:11 > 0:59:13and she's pretty, and she's lying.

0:59:13 > 0:59:15Mmmm.

0:59:15 > 0:59:17CLERK: Oh, yes. Here we are. Earth.

0:59:17 > 0:59:20Oh. Um, "Destroyed".

0:59:20 > 0:59:24Um, do you have a second home planet?

0:59:24 > 0:59:26Destroyed? That's impossible.

0:59:26 > 0:59:28That's what it says here. Destroyed

0:59:28 > 0:59:32to make way for a hyperspace expressway.

0:59:32 > 0:59:34ELECTRONIC PULSES

0:59:39 > 0:59:43Who in their right mind gives an order to destroy a planet?

0:59:44 > 0:59:47He said the grey building, right?

0:59:47 > 0:59:48All the buildings are grey.

0:59:48 > 0:59:51"Give me a hand." Ha, ha, very funny.

0:59:51 > 0:59:55How am I supposed to drive this pod with one arm? Stupid human.

0:59:57 > 0:59:58ARTHUR SIGHS

0:59:58 > 1:00:02VOGON CLERK: So, you need to go back and fill that in.

1:00:02 > 1:00:03SIGHS ...and then, >

1:00:03 > 1:00:06when you fill in the facilitating form... >

1:00:06 > 1:00:07OK. Leave this to me.

1:00:07 > 1:00:10I'm British. I know how to queue.

1:00:10 > 1:00:12INDISTINCT

1:00:12 > 1:00:14CLERK: If you'd fill that form in for me,

1:00:14 > 1:00:17and return it as soon as possible.

1:00:17 > 1:00:20You'll find writing implements to your left...

1:00:20 > 1:00:21You're President. Can you do anything?

1:00:21 > 1:00:22FORD: Presidents don't have power.

1:00:22 > 1:00:24Their job is to draw attention away from it.

1:00:24 > 1:00:26No offence. You're a great guy.

1:00:28 > 1:00:30Hey, how you doin'?

1:00:30 > 1:00:32Hey, it's me, your President!

1:00:32 > 1:00:34What's goin' on? Nice to see you. Thanks for coming.

1:00:34 > 1:00:37All right. I know that sponge.

1:00:37 > 1:00:38All right! Next!

1:00:38 > 1:00:40< President coming through!

1:00:40 > 1:00:42How you doin', pinhead? Thank you. It's me.

1:00:42 > 1:00:43No, really. Seriously.

1:00:43 > 1:00:45I love kabuki. Look at that little thing.

1:00:45 > 1:00:47ARTHUR: Out the way.

1:00:47 > 1:00:48GROWLS

1:00:48 > 1:00:50Give us a kiss, darlin'!

1:00:50 > 1:00:51SQUEALS There you go!

1:00:51 > 1:00:55Hi. I've come about release of a prisoner.

1:00:55 > 1:00:57Prisoner release form.

1:00:58 > 1:01:00Oh, wha...

1:01:00 > 1:01:02I don't believe you.

1:01:02 > 1:01:05These are the orders.

1:01:09 > 1:01:12"Love and kisses..."?

1:01:12 > 1:01:16Now, according to the galactic penal code,

1:01:16 > 1:01:18the punishment for a presidential kidnapping...

1:01:18 > 1:01:20VOGON: Come on, love!

1:01:20 > 1:01:24..is to be fed to the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal.

1:01:24 > 1:01:25CHAINS RATTLE

1:01:25 > 1:01:26Good day.

1:01:26 > 1:01:29TRILLIAN: Oh! Get off of me!

1:01:29 > 1:01:32Ow! What the hell is that?

1:01:32 > 1:01:35Ow, no, wait, wait!

1:01:35 > 1:01:38There's been some kind of mistake!

1:01:38 > 1:01:39Aah!

1:01:40 > 1:01:41Tick all the boxes

1:01:41 > 1:01:42at the right-hand... OK. Right.

1:01:42 > 1:01:45..side of the page. Yeah, I've got it.

1:01:45 > 1:01:47Uh-huh. Not that one!

1:01:47 > 1:01:51GUIDE: 'What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue.

1:01:51 > 1:01:56'Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far.

1:01:56 > 1:01:59'Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far,

1:01:59 > 1:02:02'which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely,

1:02:02 > 1:02:06'consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.'

1:02:06 > 1:02:09TRILLIAN GROWLS

1:02:09 > 1:02:11Right, there we go.

1:02:12 > 1:02:14Oh, kidnapping the President.

1:02:14 > 1:02:19Oh, no, she's not eligible for release at this time.

1:02:19 > 1:02:22OK. Right. Look, this...this is the president.

1:02:22 > 1:02:24Oh! OK. See, there? Mmm?

1:02:24 > 1:02:26He says the whole kidnapping business was

1:02:26 > 1:02:28just a misunderstanding.

1:02:28 > 1:02:29Oh, yeah.

1:02:29 > 1:02:30She meant nothing by it.

1:02:30 > 1:02:32He's ordering you to let her go.

1:02:32 > 1:02:37But this isn't a Presidential Release Of Prisoner Form.

1:02:37 > 1:02:39Those are blue.

1:02:41 > 1:02:42I'll stay here.

1:02:42 > 1:02:43OK. All right. Hold that.

1:02:43 > 1:02:45OK. Wa...

1:02:45 > 1:02:48BEAST ROARS, TRILLIAN SCREAMS

1:02:49 > 1:02:52Oh, he's hungry today.

1:02:52 > 1:02:54CHUCKLES

1:02:54 > 1:02:56That's blue. Right.

1:02:58 > 1:03:00I'm just a journalist. We're just hanging out.

1:03:00 > 1:03:03OK, this is, uh... It's for Tricia McMillan.

1:03:03 > 1:03:07Tricia McMillan. Mmm. OK.

1:03:09 > 1:03:13VOGON: Sir, it's a release form.

1:03:13 > 1:03:14Thank you.

1:03:14 > 1:03:17She's free to go.

1:03:17 > 1:03:19Release her.

1:03:19 > 1:03:21TRILLIAN SCREAMS, GRUNTS

1:03:22 > 1:03:24Zaphod's here.

1:03:24 > 1:03:26Well, uh, that's fine, then.

1:03:26 > 1:03:27Let's just go and get him.

1:03:35 > 1:03:37Who are we waiting for again?

1:03:42 > 1:03:43No, I'm serious.

1:03:45 > 1:03:47Tricia!

1:03:47 > 1:03:49EXHALES

1:03:51 > 1:03:52Tricia.

1:03:52 > 1:03:54ZAPHOD: Trill.

1:03:54 > 1:03:55Hey, come on.

1:03:55 > 1:03:56You idiot!

1:03:56 > 1:03:58You signed the order to destroy Earth.

1:03:58 > 1:04:00- He did? - I did?

1:04:00 > 1:04:02Yes. "Love and kisses, Zaphod"?

1:04:02 > 1:04:04You didn't even read it, did you?

1:04:04 > 1:04:07Honey, I'm President of the Galaxy.

1:04:07 > 1:04:09I don't get a lot of time for reading.

1:04:09 > 1:04:11CHUCKLES

1:04:11 > 1:04:13An entire planet, my home, destroyed

1:04:13 > 1:04:16all because you thought somebody wanted your autograph.

1:04:16 > 1:04:17Honey, they framed me!

1:04:17 > 1:04:18Are you an idiot? Seriously?

1:04:18 > 1:04:20Trillian!

1:04:20 > 1:04:21You knew.

1:04:21 > 1:04:23Why didn't you tell me?

1:04:23 > 1:04:24Well, he threatened me.

1:04:24 > 1:04:27Get a backbone, Arthur.

1:04:27 > 1:04:28Oh, a backbone?

1:04:28 > 1:04:30Well, what about coming here to rescue you?

1:04:30 > 1:04:32Thank you. My idea.

1:04:32 > 1:04:34Oh! Stupid!

1:04:39 > 1:04:40Got your arm.

1:04:40 > 1:04:42How considerate. Right, then.

1:04:42 > 1:04:44All those of you lucky enough to have two arms,

1:04:44 > 1:04:45hold tight.

1:05:00 > 1:05:01GROANS

1:05:01 > 1:05:04The President tests my patience.

1:05:04 > 1:05:09This time, I shall pursue him myself. Ready my ship.

1:05:09 > 1:05:12Fantastic. At last.

1:05:12 > 1:05:14WHISTLE BLOWS

1:05:16 > 1:05:20Oh. That's one hour for lunch, everybody.

1:05:20 > 1:05:25I think I'll have soup today.

1:05:25 > 1:05:28GUIDE: The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on love,

1:05:28 > 1:05:32states that it is far too complicated to define.

1:05:32 > 1:05:36The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy has this to say on the subject of love -

1:05:36 > 1:05:39"Avoid, if at all possible."

1:05:39 > 1:05:42Unfortunately, Arthur Dent has never read

1:05:42 > 1:05:43The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.

1:05:43 > 1:05:44DOOR SIGHS

1:05:44 > 1:05:46Oh, I'm so sorry.

1:05:46 > 1:05:48No, come in.

1:05:48 > 1:05:50I...I didn't...

1:05:50 > 1:05:52Um... DOOR SIGHS

1:05:53 > 1:05:55Look, uh...

1:05:55 > 1:05:56Trillian, I just wanted to say

1:05:56 > 1:05:58you were right, of course.

1:05:58 > 1:05:59I should have told you,

1:05:59 > 1:06:02and I understand totally if you're angry with me.

1:06:02 > 1:06:06Um, for what it's worth, I know how you must be feeling.

1:06:06 > 1:06:08Um...

1:06:08 > 1:06:09Can you hand me a towel?

1:06:09 > 1:06:11Yeah, sure.

1:06:11 > 1:06:13This... SIGHS

1:06:13 > 1:06:15Thank you.

1:06:15 > 1:06:19Actually, what I was going to say was...

1:06:19 > 1:06:20INHALES

1:06:20 > 1:06:22If I'd said yes to you

1:06:22 > 1:06:25and gone to Madagascar,

1:06:25 > 1:06:29then neither of us would be here now. I just...

1:06:29 > 1:06:32just thought that might count for something.

1:06:35 > 1:06:37It doesn't matter.

1:06:37 > 1:06:39SIGHS

1:06:42 > 1:06:43DOOR SIGHS

1:06:49 > 1:06:50DOOR SIGHS

1:06:59 > 1:07:02All right, Computer, take us to...

1:07:03 > 1:07:05Where are we... where we headed again?

1:07:05 > 1:07:08OK, I'm going to get you another lemon.

1:07:08 > 1:07:10All right.

1:07:14 > 1:07:15FLUTE PLAYS

1:07:15 > 1:07:17EDDIE: Engaging improbability drive.

1:07:17 > 1:07:18No, Zaphod, no.

1:07:18 > 1:07:21Buttons are not toys. What did you do?

1:07:21 > 1:07:23EDDIE: Magrathean coordinates accepted.

1:07:29 > 1:07:32EDDIE: Guys, it just blows my circuits to tell you

1:07:32 > 1:07:34that we're currently in an orbit,

1:07:34 > 1:07:36at an altitude of 300 miles,

1:07:36 > 1:07:39around the legendary planet of Magrathea.

1:07:39 > 1:07:41Magrathea! Magrathea!

1:07:43 > 1:07:45ZAPHOD: Magrathea!

1:07:47 > 1:07:49SIGHS Unbelievable.

1:07:53 > 1:07:54MARVIN: Incredible.

1:07:54 > 1:07:58It's even worse than I thought it would be.

1:07:59 > 1:08:00MAGRATHEAN, ON MESSAGE: Greetings.

1:08:00 > 1:08:01This is a recorded announcement,

1:08:01 > 1:08:03as we are all out at the moment.

1:08:03 > 1:08:07The Commercial Council of Magrathea thanks you for your esteemed visit,

1:08:07 > 1:08:10but regrets that the entire planet is temporarily closed.

1:08:10 > 1:08:12If you would like to leave your name

1:08:12 > 1:08:14and a planet where you can be contacted,

1:08:14 > 1:08:16kindly do so at the tone.

1:08:17 > 1:08:19How can a planet be closed?

1:08:19 > 1:08:20Zarkin' A, cousin.

1:08:20 > 1:08:23OK, computer, keep going.

1:08:23 > 1:08:24Take us down.

1:08:24 > 1:08:26EDDIE: I'd be happy to.

1:08:26 > 1:08:28ELECTRONIC TONE

1:08:28 > 1:08:29MAGRATHEAN, ON MESSAGE: It is most gratifying

1:08:29 > 1:08:32that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated.

1:08:32 > 1:08:35As a token of our appreciation,

1:08:35 > 1:08:37we hope you will enjoy the two thermo-nuclear missiles

1:08:37 > 1:08:41we've just sent to converge with your craft.

1:08:41 > 1:08:44To ensure on-going quality of service,

1:08:44 > 1:08:47your death may be monitored for training purposes.

1:08:47 > 1:08:48Thank you.

1:08:48 > 1:08:50EDDIE: Guys, I'm delighted to tell you

1:08:50 > 1:08:53that there are two nuclear missiles heading right for us.

1:08:53 > 1:08:56If you don't mind, I'm gonna go ahead and take evasive action.

1:08:56 > 1:08:58ENGINES WHOOSH

1:08:58 > 1:09:00SHOUTS AND CRIES

1:09:00 > 1:09:04EDDIE: There seems to be something jamming my guidance system.

1:09:04 > 1:09:06Impact minus 45 seconds.

1:09:08 > 1:09:11Computer, do something!

1:09:11 > 1:09:13EDDIE: Sure thing, fella.

1:09:13 > 1:09:14Handing over manual control. Good luck.

1:09:17 > 1:09:19BRAKES SCREECH

1:09:19 > 1:09:20MISSILES WHOOSH

1:09:25 > 1:09:26ZAPHOD: I need some help!

1:09:28 > 1:09:30I can't do this without my third arm.

1:09:33 > 1:09:36YELLING: Arthur, grab my hand!

1:09:40 > 1:09:41SHOUTS AND GROANS

1:09:43 > 1:09:46ENGINES ROAR

1:09:46 > 1:09:47Did we lose 'em?

1:09:47 > 1:09:49No, they're coming right at us.

1:09:52 > 1:09:54Why don't I just press this thing?!

1:09:54 > 1:09:55No, we're not fully back to normal yet!

1:09:55 > 1:09:57So what will happen, then?

1:09:57 > 1:09:58I don't know.

1:09:58 > 1:10:00Don't do it! We're here.

1:10:00 > 1:10:03No telling where it'll send us. Don't do it!

1:10:04 > 1:10:06Oh, sod it all. No!

1:10:07 > 1:10:10SILENCE

1:10:10 > 1:10:13Wow. Where are we?

1:10:15 > 1:10:17Uh...

1:10:17 > 1:10:19Exactly where we were.

1:10:19 > 1:10:21And the missiles?

1:10:21 > 1:10:24Apparently, they've...

1:10:24 > 1:10:26turned into...

1:10:26 > 1:10:28a bowl of petunias...

1:10:28 > 1:10:30CLUNK

1:10:30 > 1:10:32..and a very surprised-looking whale.

1:10:32 > 1:10:34EDDIE: And an improbability factor

1:10:34 > 1:10:39of 8,767,128 to one against.

1:10:39 > 1:10:42We have norm... normality.

1:10:42 > 1:10:45Normality, right. COUGHS

1:10:45 > 1:10:48We can talk about normality till the cows come home.

1:10:48 > 1:10:50What is normal?

1:10:50 > 1:10:52What's home?

1:10:52 > 1:10:54What are cows?

1:10:54 > 1:10:58A proper cup of tea would restore my normality.

1:10:58 > 1:11:00GUIDE: It is important to note that suddenly,

1:11:00 > 1:11:02and against all probability,

1:11:02 > 1:11:04a sperm whale had been called into existence

1:11:04 > 1:11:09several miles above the surface of an alien planet.

1:11:09 > 1:11:11Since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale,

1:11:11 > 1:11:14this innocent creature had very little time

1:11:14 > 1:11:16to come to terms with its identity.

1:11:16 > 1:11:19This is what it thought as it fell.

1:11:19 > 1:11:21WHALE: Ah, whoa, what's happening?

1:11:21 > 1:11:22Who am I?

1:11:22 > 1:11:23Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?

1:11:23 > 1:11:25What do I mean by, "Who am I"?

1:11:25 > 1:11:28OK, OK, calm down, calm down, get a grip now.

1:11:28 > 1:11:29Ooh, this is an interesting sensation.

1:11:29 > 1:11:31What is it? It's a sort of tingling in my...

1:11:31 > 1:11:33Well, I suppose I'd better start finding names for things.

1:11:33 > 1:11:37Let's call it a...tail. Yeah, tail.

1:11:37 > 1:11:38And, hey, what's this roaring sound

1:11:38 > 1:11:40whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head?

1:11:40 > 1:11:43Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.

1:11:43 > 1:11:46Yay, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation.

1:11:46 > 1:11:48Or is it the wind? There's a lot of that right now, isn't there?

1:11:48 > 1:11:51And what's this thing coming towards me very fast?

1:11:51 > 1:11:53So big and flat and round.

1:11:53 > 1:11:54It needs a big wide-sounding name

1:11:54 > 1:11:57like ow, ound, round, ground!

1:11:57 > 1:11:59That's it, ground.

1:11:59 > 1:12:02I wonder if it will be friends with me.

1:12:02 > 1:12:03Hello, ground. THUDS

1:12:03 > 1:12:05GUIDE: Curiously,

1:12:05 > 1:12:07the only thing that went through the mind

1:12:07 > 1:12:09of the bowl of petunias as it fell was,

1:12:09 > 1:12:13"Oh, no, not again!"

1:12:13 > 1:12:16Many have speculated that if we knew exactly why

1:12:16 > 1:12:18the bowl of petunias had thought that,

1:12:18 > 1:12:24we should know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.

1:12:24 > 1:12:26WIND HOWLS

1:12:27 > 1:12:29ARTHUR: What are those things?

1:12:29 > 1:12:33FORD: They're portals to another dimension.

1:12:33 > 1:12:38ARTHUR: Right. I don't suppose this portal has central heating, does it?

1:12:38 > 1:12:40ZAPHOD MUMBLES

1:12:41 > 1:12:43ARTHUR SIGHS

1:12:43 > 1:12:45ZAPHOD: Ah, this is the one.

1:12:45 > 1:12:48MARVIN: This will all end in tears, I just know it.

1:12:52 > 1:12:53Right here.

1:12:53 > 1:12:55MACHINE STARTS UP Hey! Whoa!

1:12:55 > 1:12:58WIND ROARS

1:12:58 > 1:13:01OK, in we go!

1:13:01 > 1:13:04We can't just step into that...that!

1:13:04 > 1:13:06We don't even know where it leads.

1:13:06 > 1:13:09If we... If we pick the wrong one, we just...

1:13:09 > 1:13:12we come back, we pick another one. It's no biggie.

1:13:12 > 1:13:14ARTHUR: What? Yeah, it's a big biggie, Ford.

1:13:14 > 1:13:15A big biggie.

1:13:15 > 1:13:19I mean, what if it rips us all into tiny little atomic

1:13:19 > 1:13:20particle thingies?

1:13:20 > 1:13:24This is the right one. I have a hunch.

1:13:24 > 1:13:25Ford!

1:13:25 > 1:13:28His hunches are good.

1:13:28 > 1:13:30Arthur, I say we go.

1:13:30 > 1:13:36Go with the hunch of a man whose brain is fuelled by lemons?!

1:13:36 > 1:13:38This is suicide!

1:13:38 > 1:13:40ZAPHOD: Hey, I think I resent that.

1:13:40 > 1:13:41ARTHUR: I don't care what you think, you...

1:13:41 > 1:13:44ZAPHOD: I'm getting a lot of hostility from you, Alex, or Arnie...

1:13:44 > 1:13:46ARTHUR: Arthur!

1:13:46 > 1:13:48ZAPHOD: Have you ever tried yoga?

1:13:48 > 1:13:49PORTAL ROARS

1:13:49 > 1:13:51Trillian!

1:13:51 > 1:13:53I think that's supposed to happen.

1:13:57 > 1:13:59HIGH-PITCHED: She's gone! Ford, she's gone!

1:14:00 > 1:14:04Arthur, don't panic!

1:14:05 > 1:14:07Ford!

1:14:07 > 1:14:09ZAPHOD: Hey, wait for me!

1:14:09 > 1:14:12Whoo!

1:14:12 > 1:14:14ARTHUR WHIMPERS

1:14:25 > 1:14:26Come on.

1:14:26 > 1:14:29Come on, come on, come on, come on!

1:14:32 > 1:14:33SCREAMING

1:14:38 > 1:14:40COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

1:14:43 > 1:14:45GROANS AND GRUNTS

1:14:49 > 1:14:51No, no, no, don't leave.

1:14:51 > 1:14:54Come on, come on, just start!

1:14:54 > 1:14:55MARVIN: I told you this would all end in tears.

1:14:55 > 1:14:59Did you? Did you?

1:14:59 > 1:15:01BREATHING HEAVILY

1:15:02 > 1:15:04GRUNTING

1:15:06 > 1:15:09ZAPHOD: Geronimo!

1:15:09 > 1:15:11Ooomph! LAUGHS

1:15:11 > 1:15:13Far out!

1:15:13 > 1:15:16Far out! Ha-ha!

1:15:16 > 1:15:17This is it.

1:15:17 > 1:15:18This is it!

1:15:18 > 1:15:20Deep Thought, I'm a-comin'!

1:15:22 > 1:15:25So... CHUCKLES

1:15:25 > 1:15:31This is how it's all going to end, is it, eh?

1:15:31 > 1:15:32Me, alone on a dead planet,

1:15:32 > 1:15:34with a manically depressed robot.

1:15:34 > 1:15:36You think you've got problems?

1:15:36 > 1:15:39What are you supposed to do if you are a manically depressed robot?

1:15:39 > 1:15:40MAN: Excuse me.

1:15:40 > 1:15:43Aah!

1:15:43 > 1:15:44Whoa, whoa.

1:15:44 > 1:15:46Oh.

1:15:46 > 1:15:48Who are you?

1:15:48 > 1:15:51What? No... Uh, no, my name is not important.

1:15:51 > 1:15:55Uh, you must come with me.

1:15:55 > 1:15:56Get away.

1:15:56 > 1:15:59Terrible events are afoot.

1:15:59 > 1:16:02Um, you...you must come or you'll be late.

1:16:02 > 1:16:04Late? What for?

1:16:04 > 1:16:05What?

1:16:05 > 1:16:06No, no.

1:16:06 > 1:16:10What's... What's your name, Earthman?

1:16:10 > 1:16:12Dent. Arthur Dent.

1:16:12 > 1:16:16Well...late as in "the late Dent Arthur Dent".

1:16:16 > 1:16:18It's a sort of threat.

1:16:18 > 1:16:21Do you see? No.

1:16:21 > 1:16:22No.

1:16:22 > 1:16:23Your friends are safe.

1:16:23 > 1:16:25You can trust me.

1:16:25 > 1:16:27Trust a man who won't tell me his name?

1:16:27 > 1:16:28SIGHS

1:16:28 > 1:16:31OK, my name is, um...

1:16:31 > 1:16:35My name is...is... is...Slartibartfast.

1:16:37 > 1:16:40I...I...I said it wasn't important.

1:16:42 > 1:16:43Well...

1:16:43 > 1:16:46So my...my friends are safe?

1:16:46 > 1:16:47Let me show you.

1:16:47 > 1:16:50MARVIN: I could calculate your chances of survival,

1:16:50 > 1:16:53but you won't like it.

1:17:01 > 1:17:03CLANK

1:17:17 > 1:17:19Did you know we built planets?

1:17:19 > 1:17:23Oh, yes, fascinating trade.

1:17:23 > 1:17:26Doing the, um... doing the coastlines

1:17:26 > 1:17:27was always my favourite.

1:17:27 > 1:17:30We used to have endless fun

1:17:30 > 1:17:33doing the little fiddly bits around the fjords.

1:17:33 > 1:17:35But then the galactic economy collapsed,

1:17:35 > 1:17:39and seeing that custom-built planets

1:17:39 > 1:17:43are a...are a bit of a luxury commodity...

1:17:43 > 1:17:45Anyway, you must come with me

1:17:45 > 1:17:48because there's been a terrible mix-up with your planet.

1:17:48 > 1:17:50Best laid plans of mice, you know.

1:17:50 > 1:17:52And men.

1:17:52 > 1:17:54What?

1:17:54 > 1:17:55Best laid plans of mice and men.

1:17:55 > 1:17:57LAUGHS

1:17:57 > 1:17:59Yes, well, I don't think men have got much to do with it.

1:17:59 > 1:18:00Here.

1:18:13 > 1:18:15WHIRRING

1:18:15 > 1:18:16BEEPING

1:18:29 > 1:18:31SIREN BLARES

1:18:38 > 1:18:39BOOM

1:18:39 > 1:18:41Um, I must warn you,

1:18:41 > 1:18:43we're going to pass through,

1:18:43 > 1:18:45well, a sort of gateway thing.

1:18:45 > 1:18:46Huh?

1:18:46 > 1:18:47It may disturb you.

1:18:47 > 1:18:49It scares the willies out of me.

1:18:51 > 1:18:52Aah! Aah!

1:18:54 > 1:18:56Aah!

1:19:18 > 1:19:19SLARTIBARTFAST: Ha ha ha.

1:19:19 > 1:19:23Welcome to our factory floor.

1:19:40 > 1:19:42ALL GRUNT

1:19:47 > 1:19:49ZAPHOD GROANS

1:19:49 > 1:19:52Yeah, this is it.

1:19:54 > 1:19:56This is it.

1:19:57 > 1:20:01Oh, great Deep Thought!

1:20:01 > 1:20:03We have travelled long...

1:20:04 > 1:20:07..and far.

1:20:07 > 1:20:10Have you calculated the ultimate question

1:20:10 > 1:20:14of life, the universe, and everything?

1:20:14 > 1:20:15DEEP THOUGHT YAWNS No.

1:20:15 > 1:20:16ZAPHOD: What?

1:20:16 > 1:20:18I've been watching TV.

1:20:18 > 1:20:20Oh.

1:20:20 > 1:20:22I designed another computer to do that.

1:20:22 > 1:20:24Oh, right, I forgot.

1:20:24 > 1:20:26Is it here?

1:20:26 > 1:20:28No, it's not here. It's another world.

1:20:28 > 1:20:30It's on another world.

1:20:30 > 1:20:33It is another world, stupid.

1:20:33 > 1:20:36Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it

1:20:36 > 1:20:39to make way for a hyperspace expressway.

1:20:39 > 1:20:41Well...OK.

1:20:41 > 1:20:43You sure you don't have the question,

1:20:43 > 1:20:46or a way to, you know, access it or something?

1:20:46 > 1:20:48cos I think I've done, like, a lot to get here.

1:20:48 > 1:20:51Shush.

1:20:51 > 1:20:52The show's back on.

1:20:54 > 1:20:56HICCUP

1:20:56 > 1:20:58Well, I don't wanna bother you,

1:20:58 > 1:21:00so I'm gonna... Good stuff.

1:21:00 > 1:21:01Great.

1:21:01 > 1:21:04I'm gonna go and find something else

1:21:04 > 1:21:05for my entire life to be about.

1:21:05 > 1:21:07Zaphod, Zaphod. Yeah?

1:21:07 > 1:21:08There's the gun.

1:21:08 > 1:21:09Gun?

1:21:09 > 1:21:10That Humma sent you for.

1:21:10 > 1:21:12You gave him your head.

1:21:12 > 1:21:14Why'd I... Why'd I do that?

1:21:14 > 1:21:16OK.

1:21:16 > 1:21:17That's stupid.

1:21:17 > 1:21:18Oh, Deep Thought,

1:21:18 > 1:21:22we were told that there is a gun.

1:21:22 > 1:21:23HICCUP

1:21:23 > 1:21:25RUMBLING

1:21:33 > 1:21:35CART SQUEALS

1:21:36 > 1:21:38There you are. Hmm?

1:21:38 > 1:21:40Look familiar?

1:21:41 > 1:21:45- So it wasn't destroyed? - Actually, it was.

1:21:45 > 1:21:48This is a backup. Earth Mark II.

1:21:50 > 1:21:51So you...you made the Earth?

1:21:51 > 1:21:54CHUCKLES Not me alone,

1:21:54 > 1:21:56but I-I did my part.

1:21:56 > 1:21:57Ever heard of a place,

1:21:57 > 1:21:59I think it's called Norway?

1:21:59 > 1:22:00That was one of mine.

1:22:00 > 1:22:02I got an award for it.

1:22:02 > 1:22:03ARTHUR SHRIEKS

1:22:04 > 1:22:06SHRIEKING

1:22:09 > 1:22:12ARTHUR: Oh, hoo!

1:22:12 > 1:22:13SLARTIBARTFAST: All right, Frank?

1:22:13 > 1:22:15That's... That's Frank.

1:22:16 > 1:22:17Ah-ha.

1:22:17 > 1:22:20They've nearly finished the oceans.

1:22:28 > 1:22:30FORD: Zaphod.

1:22:30 > 1:22:32Here, it's...

1:22:34 > 1:22:37It's just like Humma said.

1:22:37 > 1:22:39Now you can go get your head back.

1:22:39 > 1:22:40Hey, Ford. Hey.

1:22:40 > 1:22:42It's been nice knowing you, you zarking frood.

1:22:42 > 1:22:43No, no, no.

1:22:43 > 1:22:44GUN BLAST Whoa!

1:22:44 > 1:22:46This is a bust, too.

1:22:46 > 1:22:48H-H-Hey, man.

1:22:48 > 1:22:51You know, you must really be frustrated.

1:22:51 > 1:22:53You go through all you gone through,

1:22:53 > 1:22:54You come all this way, you don't get an answer,

1:22:54 > 1:22:56which means no money or fame, which you deserve...

1:22:56 > 1:22:59GUIDE: The point-of-view gun, conveniently,

1:22:59 > 1:23:02does precisely what its name suggests.

1:23:02 > 1:23:04Fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic.

1:23:05 > 1:23:06GUIDE: That is, if you point it at someone

1:23:06 > 1:23:08and pull the trigger,

1:23:08 > 1:23:11They instantly see things from your point of view.

1:23:11 > 1:23:13Give me that thing.

1:23:13 > 1:23:15GUIDE: It was designed by Deep Thought,

1:23:15 > 1:23:18but commissioned by a consortium of intergalactic angry housewives

1:23:18 > 1:23:21who, after countless arguments with their husbands,

1:23:21 > 1:23:24were sick to the teeth of ending those arguments with the phrase,

1:23:24 > 1:23:26"You just don't get it, do you?"

1:23:26 > 1:23:27BLAST

1:23:27 > 1:23:29GROANS

1:23:29 > 1:23:31And you're right, I shouldn't be so upset

1:23:31 > 1:23:33because life goes on, you know,

1:23:33 > 1:23:36and I should just go on with it.

1:23:36 > 1:23:38Shoot him again.

1:23:38 > 1:23:40Whoa. >

1:23:41 > 1:23:45Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good, too.

1:23:45 > 1:23:46Say what? >

1:23:46 > 1:23:48That is brilliant.

1:23:48 > 1:23:50What's goin'...? >

1:23:50 > 1:23:53I can see why Humma Kavula would want one of these.

1:23:53 > 1:23:56Well, we better get back. Arthur's waiting.

1:23:56 > 1:23:58- Who cares? - Well, I do.

1:23:58 > 1:24:00Especially since we're both somewhat of an endangered species now,

1:24:00 > 1:24:01thanks to you.

1:24:01 > 1:24:04Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax. >

1:24:04 > 1:24:05Why so edgy?

1:24:05 > 1:24:06You wanna know why I'm edgy?

1:24:06 > 1:24:08GROANS

1:24:08 > 1:24:09Of course you're edgy.

1:24:09 > 1:24:10Your planet's been blown up

1:24:10 > 1:24:12and you've been tooling around the galaxy

1:24:12 > 1:24:13with the guy who signed the order.

1:24:13 > 1:24:15Huh?

1:24:15 > 1:24:17Uhh!

1:24:17 > 1:24:18You actually wanted to know the question

1:24:18 > 1:24:21because you always wanted to know if there was more to life

1:24:21 > 1:24:24and now you're crushed because you find out there really isn't.

1:24:24 > 1:24:25Phew.

1:24:25 > 1:24:28Hey, fantastic, man. >

1:24:28 > 1:24:29CHUCKLES Psychedelic. >

1:24:29 > 1:24:31FIRES GUN

1:24:31 > 1:24:35You've got no home, no family, and you're stuck with me, >

1:24:35 > 1:24:38another in a long line of men who doesn't really get you.

1:24:38 > 1:24:42Huh? That's not true. >

1:24:42 > 1:24:43Did I say...

1:24:43 > 1:24:44FIRES GUN

1:24:44 > 1:24:47And you're worried you might have blown it

1:24:47 > 1:24:49with the one guy who really does.

1:24:51 > 1:24:54Hey, whoops. >

1:24:54 > 1:24:57Oh, baby doll. >

1:24:57 > 1:24:59Give me that thing.

1:25:02 > 1:25:06SIGHS It won't affect me. I'm already a woman.

1:25:06 > 1:25:07BANG

1:25:08 > 1:25:11RUMBLING

1:25:16 > 1:25:19Hey, it's OK. It's only a couple of little mice!

1:25:19 > 1:25:21RUMBLING

1:25:21 > 1:25:25SLARTIBARTFAST: Voila! Himalayas.

1:25:25 > 1:25:26Good, eh?

1:25:29 > 1:25:33Earthman, you must realise that the planet you lived on

1:25:33 > 1:25:37was commissioned, paid for, and run by mice.

1:25:40 > 1:25:41When you say mice,

1:25:41 > 1:25:43do you mean the little furry, white creatures

1:25:43 > 1:25:45with whiskers, ears, cheese?

1:25:45 > 1:25:47Yeah, but they're merely protrusions

1:25:47 > 1:25:49into our dimension of hyperintelligent, pan-dimensional beings.

1:25:49 > 1:25:54I mean, I don't know this, uh, cheese of which you speak,

1:25:54 > 1:25:57but they were there on Earth as mice experimenting on you.

1:25:57 > 1:25:58Oh.

1:25:58 > 1:26:00I see where you've become confused now.

1:26:00 > 1:26:02You see, we were experimenting on them.

1:26:02 > 1:26:04Ah, no. Well, yeah. No.

1:26:04 > 1:26:06I gather that's what they wanted you to think,

1:26:06 > 1:26:08but you were actually elements in their computer program.

1:26:11 > 1:26:14ARTHUR: Actually, this explains a lot, you know.

1:26:14 > 1:26:16All my life, I've had this strange feeling

1:26:16 > 1:26:20that there's something big and sinister going on in the world.

1:26:20 > 1:26:21No, that's perfectly normal paranoia.

1:26:21 > 1:26:23Everyone in the universe gets that.

1:26:23 > 1:26:24BOOM

1:26:26 > 1:26:28Perhaps I'm old and tired,

1:26:28 > 1:26:30but I think that the chances of finding out

1:26:30 > 1:26:32what's actually going on are so absurdly remote

1:26:32 > 1:26:35that the only thing to do is say hang the sense of it

1:26:35 > 1:26:36and keep yourself busy.

1:26:36 > 1:26:39I'd much rather be happy than right any day.

1:26:39 > 1:26:40And are you?

1:26:40 > 1:26:42Uh...no. CHUCKLES

1:26:42 > 1:26:44That's where it all falls down, of course.

1:26:54 > 1:26:56Here you are, then.

1:27:10 > 1:27:12Is this...?

1:27:25 > 1:27:27It's, um... It's all there.

1:27:27 > 1:27:30You know, it all works.

1:27:30 > 1:27:32Welcome home.

1:27:49 > 1:27:51ALL CHEER

1:27:51 > 1:27:52Hey!

1:27:52 > 1:27:54Hey, man!

1:27:54 > 1:27:55There you are!

1:27:55 > 1:27:56MUFFLED: Surprise!

1:27:56 > 1:27:59What are you doing? What happened to you?

1:27:59 > 1:28:00Is that tea?

1:28:00 > 1:28:03First, our hosts attacked us.

1:28:03 > 1:28:04Right.

1:28:04 > 1:28:06But then they made up for it by making us...

1:28:08 > 1:28:10..this amazing meal.

1:28:10 > 1:28:14It's so... Everything's right. Everything's delicious.

1:28:16 > 1:28:18Oh, come on, that's lovely.

1:28:18 > 1:28:21We're glad you like it, Earth creature.

1:28:25 > 1:28:28CHUCKLES The, um, talking... talking mice.

1:28:28 > 1:28:29< Cool.

1:28:29 > 1:28:31Sit, Earthman.

1:28:31 > 1:28:32Oh, thank you.

1:28:32 > 1:28:34Thank you for that.

1:28:34 > 1:28:35Phew.

1:28:35 > 1:28:36Please, drink.

1:28:36 > 1:28:38Um, uh, excuse me.

1:28:38 > 1:28:40Is there anything else?

1:28:40 > 1:28:42No, we're quite happy, thank you.

1:28:42 > 1:28:45Um, good. I'll be outside, so...

1:28:45 > 1:28:47You were right.

1:28:47 > 1:28:49MOUSE: Please, drink.

1:28:49 > 1:28:51He was right.

1:28:52 > 1:28:54Now, to business.

1:28:54 > 1:28:56BOTH: To business!

1:28:56 > 1:28:57Eat!

1:28:57 > 1:28:59- Shh. - Sorry.

1:28:59 > 1:29:01MOUSE: As you know, we've spent a lot of time on your planet

1:29:01 > 1:29:03looking for this ultimate question,

1:29:03 > 1:29:05only to have it blow up in our faces. Literally.

1:29:07 > 1:29:08Which is why you're here.

1:29:08 > 1:29:10We've been offered a lucrative contract

1:29:10 > 1:29:12to do several 5-D TV chat shows.

1:29:12 > 1:29:13But here's the point.

1:29:13 > 1:29:15We must have product.

1:29:15 > 1:29:16We need the ultimate question,

1:29:16 > 1:29:18or at least one that sounds ultimate.

1:29:18 > 1:29:19Of course.

1:29:19 > 1:29:20We've rebuilt the planet.

1:29:20 > 1:29:22And now all we need is the missing piece of the puzzle.

1:29:22 > 1:29:23Hmm.

1:29:23 > 1:29:24Which happens to be your brain.

1:29:24 > 1:29:26- Right. - More tea?

1:29:26 > 1:29:29Sorry, did you just say you need my brain?

1:29:29 > 1:29:31Yes, to complete the program.

1:29:31 > 1:29:33LAUGHS

1:29:34 > 1:29:36You can't have my brain.

1:29:36 > 1:29:37I'm using it.

1:29:37 > 1:29:38Hardly.

1:29:38 > 1:29:42Hardly? Cheeky... Cheeky mouse.

1:29:45 > 1:29:46BEEPING

1:29:46 > 1:29:48Zaphod! Trillian!

1:29:48 > 1:29:50WHIRRING

1:29:50 > 1:29:51Ford.

1:29:51 > 1:29:52What was in that food?

1:29:52 > 1:29:56What was in my tea?

1:29:56 > 1:29:59Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.

1:29:59 > 1:30:02GRUNTS

1:30:02 > 1:30:04Just wait a sodding minute.

1:30:04 > 1:30:06You want a question that goes with the answer 42?

1:30:06 > 1:30:08What about, what's 6 x 7?

1:30:08 > 1:30:12Or, uh, how many Vogons does it take to change a light bulb?

1:30:12 > 1:30:15Here's one, how many roads must a man walk down?

1:30:17 > 1:30:18Hey, that's not bad.

1:30:18 > 1:30:21Fine.

1:30:21 > 1:30:23Fine, take it,

1:30:23 > 1:30:25cos my head is filled with questions,

1:30:25 > 1:30:27and I can assure you, no answer to any one of them

1:30:27 > 1:30:30has ever brought me one iota of happiness.

1:30:30 > 1:30:31Except for one.

1:30:31 > 1:30:33THE one.

1:30:33 > 1:30:35The only question I've ever wanted an answer to.

1:30:35 > 1:30:37Is she the one?

1:30:37 > 1:30:41The answer bloody well isn't 42, it's yes.

1:30:41 > 1:30:43Undoubtedly,

1:30:43 > 1:30:46unequivocally, unabashedly, yes.

1:30:46 > 1:30:52And for one week, one week in my sad little...

1:30:52 > 1:30:56blip of an existence,

1:30:56 > 1:30:58it made me happy.

1:31:00 > 1:31:01That's a good answer.

1:31:01 > 1:31:03MOUSE: Rubbish.

1:31:03 > 1:31:04We don't want to be happy, we want to be famous.

1:31:04 > 1:31:06Yeah, what's this "is she the one" tripe?

1:31:06 > 1:31:07Take his brain!

1:31:07 > 1:31:09No, don't take the brain!

1:31:09 > 1:31:11Don't take the brain, mice!

1:31:11 > 1:31:14GRUNTING

1:31:18 > 1:31:19YELLS

1:31:20 > 1:31:21- Aah! - It wasn't me!

1:31:21 > 1:31:22MUTTERS

1:31:22 > 1:31:23ZAPHOD: I'm famous.

1:31:23 > 1:31:26MOUSE: Shoot him. Quickly, shoot him!

1:31:26 > 1:31:27Oh, bollocks!

1:31:27 > 1:31:29GRUNTS

1:31:36 > 1:31:38I'm gonna be sick.

1:31:40 > 1:31:42COUGHS Belgium.

1:31:44 > 1:31:46DISTANT VOICES

1:31:46 > 1:31:48RATTLING

1:31:50 > 1:31:52Follow me.

1:31:52 > 1:31:53VOGON: Left, right,

1:31:53 > 1:31:55left, right.

1:31:55 > 1:31:57Attention!

1:32:00 > 1:32:03MARVIN: Thanks a lot for leaving me behind.

1:32:03 > 1:32:05Though I can't say I blame you.

1:32:05 > 1:32:09Mr President, we're here for your protection.

1:32:09 > 1:32:12Oh, hey, thanks, man. I appreciate it.

1:32:12 > 1:32:13Fire!

1:32:14 > 1:32:16No! No!

1:32:19 > 1:32:21MARVIN: I don't see what all the fuss about.

1:32:21 > 1:32:24Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy.

1:32:24 > 1:32:25Ooh.

1:32:25 > 1:32:27For god's sake, stop!

1:32:27 > 1:32:29Cease fire.

1:32:35 > 1:32:37Now I've got a headache.

1:32:37 > 1:32:38DISTORTED VOICE: ..headache, headache.

1:32:47 > 1:32:50Marvin!

1:32:50 > 1:32:51ZAPHOD: Oh, no.

1:32:51 > 1:32:53FORD SHRIEKS

1:32:53 > 1:32:56He's got a towel, run away!

1:32:56 > 1:32:57He's got a towel!

1:32:59 > 1:33:00I'm gonna get us out of here.

1:33:00 > 1:33:01How do you drive this thing?

1:33:05 > 1:33:06We need that gun.

1:33:08 > 1:33:09Come on. Let's get this ship started.

1:33:09 > 1:33:11Come on. Start!

1:33:12 > 1:33:14Come on. Oh, fire, fire!

1:33:14 > 1:33:15Fire, fire!

1:33:16 > 1:33:17ARTHUR: Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!

1:33:20 > 1:33:22VOGON: He's locked the gate from the other side.

1:33:22 > 1:33:24We'll have to go the other way.

1:33:31 > 1:33:32Stop!

1:33:39 > 1:33:41ZAPHOD: Stop it!

1:33:41 > 1:33:43Stop it! Stop shooting at us!

1:33:53 > 1:33:55Aah!

1:33:57 > 1:33:58SHOOTING STOPS

1:34:01 > 1:34:05Oh, I feel so depressed.

1:34:05 > 1:34:06ALL GROAN

1:34:06 > 1:34:08I can't face another day.

1:34:12 > 1:34:14What's the point?

1:34:22 > 1:34:23You all right?

1:34:23 > 1:34:24Yeah.

1:34:29 > 1:34:32Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur.

1:34:32 > 1:34:34VOGONS GROAN

1:34:37 > 1:34:40Marvin, you saved our lives.

1:34:40 > 1:34:43I know. Wretched, isn't it?

1:34:43 > 1:34:45GROANING

1:34:48 > 1:34:51You got to ask yourself, what's the point?

1:34:51 > 1:34:52MAN: Take it away.

1:35:01 > 1:35:02You could do all of that, but it's not gonna...

1:35:02 > 1:35:06Well, I'll ask... I'll just ask.

1:35:06 > 1:35:10I've just been informed by some of the lads

1:35:10 > 1:35:12that since we're so near completion,

1:35:12 > 1:35:15we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth.

1:35:15 > 1:35:16Oh.

1:35:16 > 1:35:18So we... Well, we can put it back

1:35:18 > 1:35:20exactly as it was when you left, you know.

1:35:20 > 1:35:24Unless there's, um, there's, you know,

1:35:24 > 1:35:27anything you want to change.

1:35:29 > 1:35:34Something you think your planet could do without.

1:35:35 > 1:35:37Yeah.

1:35:37 > 1:35:39Me.

1:35:39 > 1:35:40Oh!

1:35:40 > 1:35:41Um, hello? >

1:35:41 > 1:35:45No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep.

1:35:46 > 1:35:48Let's go somewhere.

1:35:48 > 1:35:51Definitely. Where did you have in mind?

1:35:51 > 1:35:54I know this great restaurant at the end of the universe.

1:35:54 > 1:35:57I am a little peckish.

1:35:59 > 1:36:02ZAPHOD: I need to go to Humma's. He's got something of mine.

1:36:02 > 1:36:05I think. I'm so confused.

1:36:05 > 1:36:07Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out.

1:36:07 > 1:36:09All right, let's trip the light fantastic, baby.

1:36:09 > 1:36:11Just you and me.

1:36:11 > 1:36:13Come on.

1:36:13 > 1:36:14You got your towel?

1:36:14 > 1:36:16Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it?

1:36:16 > 1:36:18Only always.

1:36:18 > 1:36:21Right. Yeah. Cos...

1:36:21 > 1:36:22Wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel.

1:36:22 > 1:36:24LAUGHS

1:36:30 > 1:36:31OK. Hold tight.

1:36:34 > 1:36:35Bye. Good luck.

1:36:35 > 1:36:38SPEAKER: Stand by for commencement of life cycle.

1:36:38 > 1:36:40In 3, 2, 1...

1:36:40 > 1:36:44ZAPHOD: All right! Whoo!

1:37:13 > 1:37:14SHEEP BLEAT

1:37:24 > 1:37:26MARVIN: Not that anyone cares what I say,

1:37:26 > 1:37:30but the restaurant is at the other end of the universe.

1:37:30 > 1:37:31BRAKES SQUEAL

1:37:31 > 1:37:33ENGINE ACCELERATES

1:37:57 > 1:38:01# So long and thanks for all the fish

1:38:01 > 1:38:05# So sad that it should come to this

1:38:05 > 1:38:10# We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear

1:38:12 > 1:38:16# You may not share our intellect

1:38:16 > 1:38:20# Which might explain your disrespect

1:38:20 > 1:38:23# For all the natural wonders... #

1:38:23 > 1:38:25GUIDE: It is, of course, well known

1:38:25 > 1:38:27that careless talk costs lives.

1:38:27 > 1:38:29But the full scale of the problem

1:38:29 > 1:38:31is not always appreciated.

1:38:31 > 1:38:34For instance, at the very moment that Arthur Dent said,

1:38:34 > 1:38:37"I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel",

1:38:37 > 1:38:42a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum

1:38:42 > 1:38:46and carried his words far, far back in time

1:38:46 > 1:38:50across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy

1:38:50 > 1:38:52where strange and warlike beings

1:38:52 > 1:38:55were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle.

1:38:55 > 1:38:57The two opposing leaders,

1:38:57 > 1:39:00resplendent in their black jewelled battle shorts

1:39:00 > 1:39:05were meeting for the last time when a dreadful silence fell

1:39:05 > 1:39:07and at that very moment,

1:39:07 > 1:39:11the words, "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel"

1:39:11 > 1:39:13drifted across the conference table.

1:39:13 > 1:39:15Unfortunately,

1:39:15 > 1:39:17in their native tongue

1:39:17 > 1:39:19this was the most appalling insult imaginable,

1:39:19 > 1:39:23so the two opposing battle fleets decided to settle their few remaining differences

1:39:23 > 1:39:27in order to launch a joint attack on our galaxy,

1:39:27 > 1:39:30now positively identified as the source of the remark.

1:39:30 > 1:39:32For thousands of years

1:39:32 > 1:39:36the mighty starships tore across the empty wastes of space

1:39:36 > 1:39:39and finally dived screaming onto the planet Earth...

1:39:39 > 1:39:43where, due to a terrible miscalculation of scale,

1:39:43 > 1:39:47the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.

1:39:47 > 1:39:51Those who study the complex interplay

1:39:51 > 1:39:53of cause and effect in the history of the universe

1:39:53 > 1:39:57say that this sort of thing is going on all the time.

1:39:57 > 1:40:02# We thought that most of you were sweet

1:40:02 > 1:40:09# Especially tiny-tots and your pregnant women

1:40:09 > 1:40:13# So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

1:40:13 > 1:40:17# So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

1:40:17 > 1:40:25# So long, and thanks for all the fish. #

1:40:25 > 1:40:26For all the fish.