The Importance of Being Earnest

0:00:18 > 0:00:20ORCHESTRA TUNES UP

0:01:19 > 0:01:22MAN SINGS: "La Donna E Mobile"

0:01:24 > 0:01:27# La la-la la la la

0:01:27 > 0:01:30# La la la la-la

0:01:30 > 0:01:36# La la-la la laaaaaaaaaa...

0:01:36 > 0:01:41# La la-la-la pom pom! #

0:01:41 > 0:01:43Brrr!

0:01:46 > 0:01:48Eating as usual, I see, Algy.

0:01:48 > 0:01:51I believe it is usual in good society

0:01:51 > 0:01:53to take some slight refreshment after morning exercise.

0:01:54 > 0:01:57And what brings you to London, my dear Ernest?

0:01:57 > 0:02:00Oh, pleasure. Pleasure. What else should bring one anywhere?

0:02:00 > 0:02:02Where have you been since last Thursday?

0:02:02 > 0:02:04In the country.

0:02:04 > 0:02:06What on earth do YOU do there?

0:02:06 > 0:02:08When one is in town, one amuses oneself.

0:02:08 > 0:02:11When one is in the country, one amuses other people.

0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Who are the people you amuse? - Oh, neighbours. Neighbours.

0:02:14 > 0:02:17Got nice neighbours in your part of Shropshire?

0:02:17 > 0:02:20Perfectly horrid. Never speak to them.

0:02:20 > 0:02:22How immensely you must amuse them.

0:02:22 > 0:02:25Shropshire IS your county, is it not?

0:02:25 > 0:02:27Shropshire? Yes, of course.

0:02:27 > 0:02:30By the way... Gwendolen is in town, isn't she?

0:02:30 > 0:02:34She is. In fact, she's having tea with me this afternoon.

0:02:34 > 0:02:36How perfectly delightful.

0:02:36 > 0:02:39And so is Aunt Augusta.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42Oh.

0:02:42 > 0:02:44You know, the way you flirt with Gwendolen

0:02:44 > 0:02:47is almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you.

0:02:47 > 0:02:49I am in love with Gwendolen.

0:02:49 > 0:02:52I have come up to town expressly to propose to her.

0:02:52 > 0:02:56I thought you'd come up on pleasure. I call that business.

0:02:56 > 0:02:57How utterly unromantic you are.

0:02:57 > 0:03:00I really don't see anything romantic in proposing.

0:03:00 > 0:03:01Very romantic to be in love

0:03:01 > 0:03:04but there's nothing romantic about a definite proposal.

0:03:04 > 0:03:06One may be accepted!

0:03:06 > 0:03:07One usually is, I believe.

0:03:07 > 0:03:09Then the whole excitement is over.

0:03:09 > 0:03:11The very essence of romance is uncertainty.

0:03:11 > 0:03:15If ever I get married, I shall certainly try and forget the fact.

0:03:15 > 0:03:18I've no doubt about that, my dear Algy.

0:03:18 > 0:03:20The divorce court was invented for people like you.

0:03:21 > 0:03:25Divorces are made in heaven. Marriages are...

0:03:25 > 0:03:27Yes, Algy?

0:03:27 > 0:03:31Oh, well, there's no use my speculating on that subject...

0:03:31 > 0:03:34or indeed your speculating on marrying Gwendolen.

0:03:34 > 0:03:36Why on earth do you say that?

0:03:36 > 0:03:39Well, firstly, girls never marry the men they flirt with.

0:03:39 > 0:03:42- That is nonsense. - It isn't. It's a great truth.

0:03:42 > 0:03:46Accounts for the extraordinary number of bachelors one sees all over the place.

0:03:46 > 0:03:48Secondly, I don't give my consent.

0:03:48 > 0:03:50YOUR consent?

0:03:51 > 0:03:53My dear fellow, Gwendolen is my first cousin.

0:03:53 > 0:03:55And before I allow you to marry her,

0:03:55 > 0:03:58you will have to clear up the whole question of Cecily.

0:03:58 > 0:04:00Cecily?

0:04:00 > 0:04:02What on earth do you mean?

0:04:02 > 0:04:06What do you mean, Algy, by Cecily? I...I don't know anyone named Cecily.

0:04:07 > 0:04:10You mean you've had my cigarette case all this time?

0:04:10 > 0:04:11I wish you'd let me know.

0:04:11 > 0:04:14I've been writing frantic letters to Scotland Yard.

0:04:14 > 0:04:17- I nearly offered a large reward. - I wish you would.

0:04:17 > 0:04:19I'm more than usually hard-up.

0:04:19 > 0:04:22It's no good offering a large reward now it's found.

0:04:22 > 0:04:24I think that's rather mean, Ernest.

0:04:24 > 0:04:26Ah, well, it makes no matter.

0:04:26 > 0:04:29For now that I look at the inscription,

0:04:29 > 0:04:31I find the thing isn't yours after all.

0:04:31 > 0:04:34Well, of course it's mine! You've seen me with it many times!

0:04:34 > 0:04:36You have no right to read what is inside.

0:04:36 > 0:04:39It is very ungentlemanly to read a private cigarette case.

0:04:39 > 0:04:43It's absurd to have a rule about what one should and shouldn't read.

0:04:43 > 0:04:46Half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read.

0:04:46 > 0:04:49I don't propose to discuss modern culture with you.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51One shouldn't talk of it in private.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53- I simply want my cigarette case... - Yes!

0:04:53 > 0:04:55But this ISN'T your cigarette case.

0:04:55 > 0:04:59This cigarette case is a present from someone of the name of Cecily.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02You said you knew no-one of that name.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05- Well, if you want to know... - Mmm?

0:05:05 > 0:05:07..Cecily happens to be my aunt.

0:05:10 > 0:05:12- Your aunt? - Yes.

0:05:12 > 0:05:16Charming old lady she is too. Lives at Tunbridge Wells.

0:05:16 > 0:05:19But why does she call herself Cecily

0:05:19 > 0:05:22if she is your aunt and lives in Tunbridge Wells?

0:05:22 > 0:05:26"From LITTLE Cecily with her fondest love."

0:05:26 > 0:05:29My dear fellow, what on earth is there in that?

0:05:29 > 0:05:31Some aunts are tall, some aunts are not tall.

0:05:31 > 0:05:34That is surely a matter an aunt may decide for herself.

0:05:34 > 0:05:36For heaven's sake, give me my cigarette case!

0:05:36 > 0:05:39Yes, but why does your aunt call you her uncle?

0:05:39 > 0:05:42"From little Cecily with her fondest love,

0:05:42 > 0:05:43"to her dear Uncle Jack."

0:05:43 > 0:05:47There is no objection, I admit, to an aunt being a small aunt,

0:05:47 > 0:05:53but why an aunt, whatever her size, should call her nephew her uncle I can't make out.

0:05:53 > 0:05:55Besides, your name isn't Jack at all. It is Ernest.

0:05:55 > 0:05:57It isn't Ernest. It's Jack.

0:05:57 > 0:06:00You have always told me it was Ernest.

0:06:00 > 0:06:03You're the most earnest-looking person I ever saw in my life.

0:06:03 > 0:06:06It's absurd you saying your name isn't Ernest.

0:06:06 > 0:06:08It's on your cards - here is one.

0:06:08 > 0:06:10"Mr Ernest Worthing, B4, The Albany."

0:06:10 > 0:06:12I shall keep this as proof that your name is Ernest

0:06:12 > 0:06:16if ever you attempt to deny the fact to me, Gwendolen or anyone.

0:06:16 > 0:06:19My name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country.

0:06:19 > 0:06:22The case was given me in the country.

0:06:22 > 0:06:25That doesn't explain why your small Aunt Cecily from Tunbridge Wells

0:06:25 > 0:06:27calls you her dear uncle.

0:06:27 > 0:06:29Come on - much better have the thing out.

0:06:29 > 0:06:31My dear Algy, you talk exactly like a dentist.

0:06:31 > 0:06:35I may mention that I have always suspected...

0:06:36 > 0:06:38..and now I am quite sure,

0:06:38 > 0:06:41that you are a confirmed and secret Bunburyist.

0:06:41 > 0:06:43Bun...buryist?

0:06:43 > 0:06:47What on earth do you mean by "Bunburyist"?

0:06:47 > 0:06:50I will reveal to you the meaning of that incomparable expression

0:06:50 > 0:06:52when you are kind enough to tell me

0:06:52 > 0:06:55why you are Ernest in town and Jack in the country.

0:06:56 > 0:06:58Well, produce my cigarette case first.

0:06:58 > 0:07:00Here it is.

0:07:00 > 0:07:02Now produce your explanation.

0:07:02 > 0:07:05And pray make it improbable.

0:07:05 > 0:07:08There's nothing improbable about my explanation at all.

0:07:08 > 0:07:12Old Mr Thomas Cardew, who adopted me when I was a little boy,

0:07:12 > 0:07:16made me in his will guardian to his granddaughter, Miss...Cecily Cardew.

0:07:16 > 0:07:20Cecily - who addresses me as Uncle out of motives of respect

0:07:20 > 0:07:22which you could not possibly appreciate -

0:07:22 > 0:07:24lives at my place in the country

0:07:24 > 0:07:26under the charge of her admirable governess, Miss Prism.

0:07:26 > 0:07:29Where is that place in the country, by the way?

0:07:29 > 0:07:34That is nothing to you, dear boy. You are not going to be invited.

0:07:34 > 0:07:37I may tell you candidly that it is NOT in Shropshire.

0:07:37 > 0:07:39I suspected that.

0:07:39 > 0:07:42I have Bunburyed all over Shropshire on two separate occasions.

0:07:42 > 0:07:43Well, go on.

0:07:43 > 0:07:46When one is placed in the position of guardian,

0:07:46 > 0:07:49one has to adopt a very high moral tone on all subjects.

0:07:49 > 0:07:51It is one's duty to do so.

0:07:51 > 0:07:55And as a high moral tone can hardly be said to conduce very much

0:07:55 > 0:07:57to either one's health or one's happiness,

0:07:57 > 0:08:02in order to get up to town, I have pretended to have a younger brother named Ernest

0:08:02 > 0:08:06who lives here in The Albany and gets into the most dreadful scrapes.

0:08:06 > 0:08:09THAT, my dear Algy, is the whole truth.

0:08:09 > 0:08:11Oh, no. What you really are is a Bunburyist.

0:08:11 > 0:08:14I was perfectly right in saying you are a Bunburyist.

0:08:14 > 0:08:17You are one of the most advanced Bunburyists I know.

0:08:17 > 0:08:18What on earth do you mean?

0:08:18 > 0:08:21You have invented a very useful younger brother called Ernest

0:08:21 > 0:08:24so you may come to London whenever you like.

0:08:24 > 0:08:28I have invented an invaluable permanent invalid called Bunbury

0:08:28 > 0:08:31so I may go down to the country whenever I choose.

0:08:31 > 0:08:33Bunbury really is invaluable.

0:08:33 > 0:08:37If it wasn't for Bunbury's extraordinary bad health, for instance,

0:08:37 > 0:08:39I couldn't dine with you at Willis's tonight,

0:08:39 > 0:08:43for I have really been engaged to dine at Aunt Augusta's for more than a week.

0:08:43 > 0:08:45I haven't asked you to dine with me.

0:08:45 > 0:08:49I know. You are absurdly careless about sending out invitations.

0:08:49 > 0:08:50It's very foolish of you.

0:08:50 > 0:08:53Nothing annoys people more than NOT receiving invitations.

0:08:54 > 0:08:55Algy... DOOR CLOSES

0:09:01 > 0:09:04SINGS "LA DONNA E MOBILE"

0:09:04 > 0:09:05Seton!

0:09:08 > 0:09:10Sir?

0:09:10 > 0:09:13Seton, I shall require a fresh gardenia this afternoon at...

0:09:13 > 0:09:14four o'clock precisely.

0:09:14 > 0:09:17Very good, sir.

0:09:17 > 0:09:20CONTINUES SINGING TO HIMSELF

0:09:32 > 0:09:33Ethel! Come here!

0:09:33 > 0:09:36SINGING FROM BUILDING

0:09:40 > 0:09:42- COACHMAN:- Thank you, guv'nor.

0:09:42 > 0:09:44Giddy-up, now.

0:09:44 > 0:09:48MAN SINGS "LA DONNA E MOBILE"

0:09:49 > 0:09:53FINISHES SONG DRAMATICALLY

0:09:57 > 0:09:59Did you hear what I was singing, Lane?

0:09:59 > 0:10:01I didn't think it polite to listen, sir.

0:10:01 > 0:10:03Sorry about that, for your sake.

0:10:03 > 0:10:06I don't sing in tune. Anybody can sing in tune.

0:10:06 > 0:10:08- But I sing with wonderful feeling. - Yes, sir.

0:10:08 > 0:10:11You HAVE got the cucumber sandwiches for Lady Bracknell?

0:10:11 > 0:10:13- Yes, sir. - Ah.

0:10:16 > 0:10:18- DOORBELL JANGLES - Excuse me, sir.

0:10:22 > 0:10:25ERNEST: Have Lady Bracknell and Miss Fairfax arrived yet?

0:10:25 > 0:10:26No, sir.

0:10:26 > 0:10:28Mr Ernest Worthing.

0:10:28 > 0:10:31Jack! Don't seem to remember inviting you.

0:10:31 > 0:10:33No. You're absurdly careless about sending out invitations.

0:10:33 > 0:10:35Cucumber sandwiches?

0:10:35 > 0:10:37Why such reckless extravagance in one so young?

0:10:37 > 0:10:40Don't you touch them. They're ordered specially for Aunt Augusta.

0:10:40 > 0:10:43- You're eating them. - That's quite different.

0:10:43 > 0:10:44She is my aunt.

0:10:44 > 0:10:45Have some bread and butter.

0:10:45 > 0:10:48- SIGHS - Bread and butter is for Gwendolen.

0:10:49 > 0:10:52Gwendolen is devoted to bread and butter.

0:10:52 > 0:10:54And very good bread and butter it is too.

0:10:54 > 0:10:57You needn't eat as if you'd eat it all.

0:10:57 > 0:11:00You behave as if you were married to her already.

0:11:00 > 0:11:03You are not, and I don't think you ever will be.

0:11:03 > 0:11:05Algy... DOORBELL JANGLES

0:11:05 > 0:11:06That must be Aunt Augusta.

0:11:06 > 0:11:10Only relatives or creditors ever ring in that Wagnerian manner.

0:11:10 > 0:11:15Now, if I remove her for ten minutes in order that you may propose to Gwendolen,

0:11:15 > 0:11:17may I dine with you at Willis's tonight?

0:11:17 > 0:11:19I suppose so. If you want to.

0:11:19 > 0:11:23You must be serious about it. People must be serious about meals.

0:11:27 > 0:11:30Lady Bracknell and Miss Fairfax.

0:11:30 > 0:11:35Good afternoon, dear Algernon. I hope you are behaving very well.

0:11:35 > 0:11:37I'm feeling very well, Aunt Augusta.

0:11:37 > 0:11:39Yes, that's not quite the same thing.

0:11:39 > 0:11:42In fact, the two things rarely go together.

0:11:43 > 0:11:47Oh. How do you do, Mr Worthing?

0:11:47 > 0:11:49Dear me, Gwendolen, you are smart.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51I am always smart.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53Aren't I, Mr Worthing?

0:11:53 > 0:11:55You are quite perfect, Miss Fairfax.

0:11:55 > 0:11:58Oh, I hope I am not that.

0:11:58 > 0:12:00It would leave no room for development.

0:12:00 > 0:12:04And I intend to develop in many directions.

0:12:04 > 0:12:08Gwendolen! Won't you come and sit here, Gwendolen?

0:12:08 > 0:12:12Thank you, Mama. I am quite comfortable where I am.

0:12:12 > 0:12:15I'm sorry if we are a little late, Algernon.

0:12:15 > 0:12:19I was obliged to call on dear Lady Harbury.

0:12:19 > 0:12:22I hadn't been there since her poor husband's death.

0:12:22 > 0:12:24I never saw a woman so altered.

0:12:24 > 0:12:27She looks quite 20 years younger.

0:12:27 > 0:12:29And now I'll have a cup of tea

0:12:29 > 0:12:33and one of those nice cucumber sandwiches you promised me.

0:12:33 > 0:12:35Certainly, Aunt Augusta.

0:12:38 > 0:12:41Good heavens, Lane! Why are there no cucumber sandwiches?

0:12:41 > 0:12:43I ordered them specially.

0:12:43 > 0:12:46There were no cucumbers in the market this morning, sir.

0:12:46 > 0:12:47I went down twice.

0:12:47 > 0:12:51- No cucumbers? - No, sir. Not even for ready money.

0:12:51 > 0:12:53Thank you, Lane. That will do.

0:12:53 > 0:12:55I am greatly distressed, Aunt Augusta,

0:12:55 > 0:12:58about there being no cucumbers, not even for ready money.

0:12:58 > 0:13:00Well, it really makes no matter, Algernon.

0:13:00 > 0:13:03I had some crumpets with Lady Harbury,

0:13:03 > 0:13:06who seems to me to be living entirely for pleasure now.

0:13:06 > 0:13:09I hear her hair has turned quite gold from grief.

0:13:09 > 0:13:12Well, it certainly has changed its colour.

0:13:12 > 0:13:15From what cause, I, of course, cannot say.

0:13:15 > 0:13:18Forgive me, Aunt Augusta, I'm afraid I shall have to

0:13:18 > 0:13:21give up the pleasure of dining with you tonight.

0:13:21 > 0:13:25Oh, I hope not, Algernon. T'would put my table completely out.

0:13:25 > 0:13:28Well, the fact is, I have just had a telegram to say

0:13:28 > 0:13:31my poor friend...Bunbury is very ill again.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33They seem to think I should be there.

0:13:33 > 0:13:38I must say, I should be much obliged if you would ask Mr Bunbury from me

0:13:38 > 0:13:41not to have a relapse on Saturday

0:13:41 > 0:13:45for I rely on you to arrange my music for me.

0:13:45 > 0:13:47It is my last reception

0:13:47 > 0:13:50and one wants something that will encourage conversation,

0:13:50 > 0:13:52particularly at the end of the season

0:13:52 > 0:13:56when everybody has practically said whatever they had to say.

0:13:56 > 0:13:59Which, in most cases, was probably not much.

0:13:59 > 0:14:03I will speak to Bunbury, Aunt Augusta, if he is still conscious.

0:14:03 > 0:14:06I think I can promise you he will be all right by Saturday.

0:14:06 > 0:14:09Of course, the music is a great difficulty

0:14:09 > 0:14:12but I will run over the programme I've worked out

0:14:12 > 0:14:14if you'll come into the other room.

0:14:14 > 0:14:17Thank you, Algernon. That's very thoughtful of you.

0:14:17 > 0:14:19I'm sure the programme will be delightful...

0:14:19 > 0:14:22after a few expurgations.

0:14:22 > 0:14:25French songs I cannot possibly allow.

0:14:25 > 0:14:27People always seem to think they are improper,

0:14:27 > 0:14:30and either look shocked, which is vulgar,

0:14:30 > 0:14:32or laugh, which is worse.

0:14:32 > 0:14:37Now, German sounds a thoroughly respectable language.

0:14:37 > 0:14:39And indeed I believe is so.

0:14:39 > 0:14:43Gwendolen, you will accompany me.

0:14:43 > 0:14:45Certainly, Mama.

0:14:47 > 0:14:51< Well, here is the programme, Aunt Augusta...

0:14:51 > 0:14:53Charming day it has been, Miss Fairfax.

0:14:53 > 0:14:57Pray don't talk to me about the weather, Mr Worthing.

0:14:57 > 0:14:59Whenever people talk to me about the weather,

0:14:59 > 0:15:02I always feel quite certain they mean...something else.

0:15:02 > 0:15:04And it makes me so nervous.

0:15:04 > 0:15:07- I do mean...something else. - I thought so.

0:15:07 > 0:15:09In fact, I'm never wrong.

0:15:09 > 0:15:13I would like to be allowed to take advantage of Lady Bracknell's temporary absence.

0:15:13 > 0:15:15I would advise you to do so.

0:15:15 > 0:15:18Mama has a way of returning suddenly to a room

0:15:18 > 0:15:21that I have often had to speak to her about.

0:15:21 > 0:15:23Miss Fairfax.

0:15:23 > 0:15:28Ever since I met you, I have admired you more than any girl I have ever met...

0:15:28 > 0:15:30since I met you.

0:15:30 > 0:15:33Yes. I am quite aware of the fact.

0:15:33 > 0:15:38And I often wish that, in public at any rate, you would be more demonstrative.

0:15:38 > 0:15:42For me, you have always had an irresistible fascination.

0:15:42 > 0:15:45Even before I met you, I was far from indifferent to you.

0:15:45 > 0:15:51We live - as I hope you know, Mr Worthing - in an age of ideals.

0:15:51 > 0:15:55And my ideal has always been to love someone of the name of Ernest.

0:15:55 > 0:15:59There is something in that name which inspires absolute confidence.

0:15:59 > 0:16:03The moment Algernon first mentioned to me he had a friend called Ernest...

0:16:04 > 0:16:06..I knew I was destined to love you.

0:16:07 > 0:16:09CUP RATTLES

0:16:09 > 0:16:12You really...love me, Gwendolen?

0:16:12 > 0:16:14Passionately!

0:16:15 > 0:16:17Darling...

0:16:18 > 0:16:20You don't know how happy you've made me.

0:16:20 > 0:16:22My own Ernest!

0:16:22 > 0:16:26You don't mean to say you couldn't love me if my name wasn't Ernest?

0:16:26 > 0:16:29- But your name IS Ernest. - Yes, I know it is, but...

0:16:29 > 0:16:31supposing it wasn't.

0:16:31 > 0:16:33Supposing it was...something else.

0:16:33 > 0:16:36Do you mean to say you couldn't love me then?

0:16:36 > 0:16:39Ah! This is clearly a metaphysical speculation.

0:16:39 > 0:16:41And like most metaphysical speculations,

0:16:41 > 0:16:45has very little reference to the actual facts of real life as we know them.

0:16:45 > 0:16:48Well, personally, darling, to speak candidly,

0:16:48 > 0:16:50I don't much care for the name of Ernest.

0:16:50 > 0:16:53I don't think it suits me at all.

0:16:53 > 0:16:56It suits you perfectly. It's a divine name.

0:16:56 > 0:16:58It has music of its own.

0:16:58 > 0:17:01It...it produces vibrations.

0:17:01 > 0:17:07Well, I must say, Gwendolen, I think there are lots of other much nicer names.

0:17:07 > 0:17:08I think, um...

0:17:08 > 0:17:11Jack, for instance, is a charming name.

0:17:11 > 0:17:12- Jack? - Mmm.

0:17:12 > 0:17:17Oh, no. There's very little music in the name of Jack.

0:17:17 > 0:17:18If any at all, indeed.

0:17:18 > 0:17:22I have known several Jacks, and they all, without exception,

0:17:22 > 0:17:23were more than usually plain.

0:17:23 > 0:17:27Besides, Jack is a notorious domesticity for John

0:17:27 > 0:17:31and I pity any woman who's married to a man called John.

0:17:31 > 0:17:32No.

0:17:32 > 0:17:36The only really safe name... is Ernest.

0:17:36 > 0:17:39Gwendolen, I...I must get christened at once.

0:17:39 > 0:17:42I mean, we must get married at once.

0:17:42 > 0:17:45Married, Mr Worthing?

0:17:45 > 0:17:49Well, surely... you know that I love you

0:17:49 > 0:17:51and you have led me to believe, Miss Fairfax,

0:17:51 > 0:17:53that you are not entirely indifferent to me.

0:17:53 > 0:17:57I adore you. But you haven't proposed to me yet.

0:17:57 > 0:18:01Well, er...ahem... may I propose to you now?

0:18:01 > 0:18:04I think it would be an admirable opportunity.

0:18:05 > 0:18:09And to spare you any possible disappointment, Mr Worthing,

0:18:09 > 0:18:12I think it only fair to tell you quite frankly beforehand

0:18:12 > 0:18:15that I am fully determined to accept you.

0:18:16 > 0:18:17Gwendolen!

0:18:19 > 0:18:20Yes, Mr Worthing?

0:18:20 > 0:18:23What have you got to say to me?

0:18:23 > 0:18:25Well, you know what I've got to say to you.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27Yes, but you don't say it.

0:18:40 > 0:18:41Gwendolen...

0:18:42 > 0:18:43Will you marry me?

0:18:43 > 0:18:45Of course I will, darling!

0:18:45 > 0:18:47How long you've been about it.

0:18:47 > 0:18:51I'm afraid you've had very little practice in how to propose.

0:18:51 > 0:18:54My own one, I've never loved anyone but you.

0:18:54 > 0:18:57Yes, but men often propose for practice.

0:18:57 > 0:19:01I know my brother does. All my girlfriends tell me so.

0:19:01 > 0:19:04What wonderfully blue eyes you have, Ernest!

0:19:04 > 0:19:08They're quite, quite blue.

0:19:08 > 0:19:12I hope you will always look at me just like that,

0:19:12 > 0:19:14especially when there are other people present.

0:19:15 > 0:19:18DOOR OPENS

0:19:18 > 0:19:24Mr Worthing! Rise, sir, from this semi-recumbent posture!

0:19:24 > 0:19:27It is most indecorous.

0:19:27 > 0:19:31Mama, I must beg you to retire. This is no place for you.

0:19:31 > 0:19:36Besides, Mr Worthing is not quite finished yet.

0:19:36 > 0:19:40Finished what...may I ask?

0:19:42 > 0:19:44I am engaged to Mr Worthing, Mama.

0:19:44 > 0:19:47Pardon me. You are not engaged to anyone.

0:19:47 > 0:19:49When you DO become engaged to someone,

0:19:49 > 0:19:52I or your father - should his health permit him -

0:19:52 > 0:19:54will inform you of the fact.

0:19:54 > 0:19:58An engagement should come upon a young girl as a surprise.

0:19:58 > 0:20:01Pleasant or unpleasant as the case may be.

0:20:01 > 0:20:05It is hardly a matter that she could be allowed to arrange for herself.

0:20:05 > 0:20:08And now I have a few questions to put to you, Mr Worthing.

0:20:08 > 0:20:11While I am making these inquiries,

0:20:11 > 0:20:16you, Gwendolen, will wait for me below in the carriage.

0:20:16 > 0:20:21- Mama... - In the carriage, Gwendolen!

0:20:39 > 0:20:41Gwendolen! The carriage.

0:20:42 > 0:20:43Yes, Mama.

0:20:46 > 0:20:48You can take a seat, Mr Worthing.

0:20:48 > 0:20:51Thank you, Lady Bracknell, I prefer standing.

0:20:51 > 0:20:56I feel bound to tell you that you are not down on my list of eligible young men,

0:20:56 > 0:21:00though I have the same list as the dear Duchess of Bolton.

0:21:00 > 0:21:02We worked together, in fact.

0:21:02 > 0:21:04But I am quite ready to enter your name

0:21:04 > 0:21:09should your answers be what a really affectionate mother requires.

0:21:09 > 0:21:10Do you smoke?

0:21:12 > 0:21:13Well...yes, I must admit I smoke.

0:21:13 > 0:21:18I am glad to hear it. A man should have an occupation of some kind.

0:21:18 > 0:21:23I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married

0:21:23 > 0:21:27should either know everything or nothing.

0:21:27 > 0:21:29Which do you know?

0:21:31 > 0:21:35- I know nothing, Lady Bracknell. - I am pleased to hear it.

0:21:35 > 0:21:39I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance.

0:21:39 > 0:21:43Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit -

0:21:43 > 0:21:45touch it and the bloom is gone.

0:21:45 > 0:21:50The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound.

0:21:50 > 0:21:55Fortunately, in England at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever.

0:21:55 > 0:21:58What is your income?

0:21:58 > 0:22:00Between seven and eight thousand a year.

0:22:00 > 0:22:04- In land or in investments? - In investments, chiefly.

0:22:04 > 0:22:06That is satisfactory.

0:22:06 > 0:22:09Between the duties expected of one during one's lifetime

0:22:09 > 0:22:13and the duties exacted from one after one's death,

0:22:13 > 0:22:16land has ceased to be either a profit or a pleasure.

0:22:16 > 0:22:20It gives one position but prevents one from keeping it up.

0:22:20 > 0:22:22That's all that can be said about land.

0:22:22 > 0:22:28I have a country house with some land, of course, attached to it - about 1,500 acres, I believe -

0:22:28 > 0:22:31but I don't depend on that for my real income.

0:22:31 > 0:22:33As far as I can make out,

0:22:33 > 0:22:36the poachers are the only people who make anything from it!

0:22:36 > 0:22:38Hm-mmm.

0:22:39 > 0:22:41You have a town house, I hope?

0:22:41 > 0:22:44A girl with a simple, unspoiled nature like Gwendolen

0:22:44 > 0:22:47can hardly be expected to reside in the country.

0:22:47 > 0:22:50Well, I own a house in Belgrave Square

0:22:50 > 0:22:52but it is let by the year to Lady Bloxham.

0:22:52 > 0:22:56Lady Bloxham? No, I don't know her.

0:22:56 > 0:22:58Oh, she goes about very little.

0:22:58 > 0:23:01She's a lady considerably advanced in years.

0:23:01 > 0:23:07Ah! Nowadays that is no guarantee of respectability of character.

0:23:07 > 0:23:09What are your politics?

0:23:09 > 0:23:12Well, I...I'm afraid I really have none.

0:23:12 > 0:23:15I...I am a Liberal.

0:23:15 > 0:23:18They count as Tories. They dine with us.

0:23:18 > 0:23:21Or come in the evening at any rate.

0:23:21 > 0:23:24Now to minor matters.

0:23:25 > 0:23:28Are your parents living?

0:23:30 > 0:23:33I have lost both my parents.

0:23:33 > 0:23:38To lose one parent, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune.

0:23:38 > 0:23:41To lose both looks like carelessness.

0:23:41 > 0:23:43Who was your father?

0:23:44 > 0:23:46Well, I'm afraid I really don't know.

0:23:46 > 0:23:51The fact is, Lady Bracknell, I said I had lost both my parents...

0:23:51 > 0:23:55It would be nearer the truth to say my parents seem to have lost me.

0:23:55 > 0:23:58I don't actually know who I am by birth.

0:23:58 > 0:23:59I was...

0:24:00 > 0:24:03Well...I was found.

0:24:03 > 0:24:05Found?

0:24:06 > 0:24:11The late Mr Thomas Cardew - an old gentleman of most charitable and kindly disposition - found me

0:24:11 > 0:24:13and named me Worthing

0:24:13 > 0:24:17because he had a first-class ticket for Worthing in his pocket at the time.

0:24:18 > 0:24:20Worthing is a place in Sussex.

0:24:20 > 0:24:23It is a seaside resort.

0:24:23 > 0:24:25And where did the charitable gentleman

0:24:25 > 0:24:31who had a first-class ticket for this seaside resort find you?

0:24:32 > 0:24:34In a handbag.

0:24:34 > 0:24:38A HANDBAG?!

0:24:39 > 0:24:41Yes, Lady Bracknell, I was in a handbag.

0:24:41 > 0:24:48A somewhat large, black... leather handbag...with handles to it.

0:24:48 > 0:24:50An ordinary handbag, in fact.

0:24:50 > 0:24:56In what locality did this Mr James or Thomas Cardew

0:24:56 > 0:25:01come across this ordinary handbag?

0:25:01 > 0:25:03In the cloakroom at Victoria Station.

0:25:03 > 0:25:05It was given him in mistake for his own.

0:25:05 > 0:25:08The cloakroom at Victoria Station?!

0:25:08 > 0:25:11Yes. The Brighton line.

0:25:11 > 0:25:14The line is immaterial!

0:25:17 > 0:25:19Mr Worthing...

0:25:20 > 0:25:25..I confess I feel somewhat bewildered by what you have just told me.

0:25:25 > 0:25:29To be born, or at any rate, bred in a handbag -

0:25:29 > 0:25:31whether it had handles or not -

0:25:31 > 0:25:34seems to me to display a contempt

0:25:34 > 0:25:36for the ordinary decencies of family life

0:25:36 > 0:25:41that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution.

0:25:41 > 0:25:45And I presume you know what that unfortunate movement led to.

0:25:45 > 0:25:48May I ask what you advise me to do?

0:25:48 > 0:25:52I would do anything in the world to ensure Gwendolen's happiness.

0:25:52 > 0:25:54I would strongly advise you, Mr Worthing,

0:25:54 > 0:25:58to try and acquire some relations as soon as possible.

0:25:58 > 0:26:02And to make a definite effort to produce, at any rate,

0:26:02 > 0:26:08one parent of either sex before the season is quite over!

0:26:08 > 0:26:11I don't see how I can possibly do that.

0:26:11 > 0:26:13I can produce the handbag at any moment.

0:26:13 > 0:26:16That ought to satisfy you, Lady Bracknell.

0:26:16 > 0:26:19Me, sir? What has it to do with me?

0:26:19 > 0:26:22You can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell

0:26:22 > 0:26:24would dream of allowing our only daughter -

0:26:24 > 0:26:27a girl brought up with the utmost care -

0:26:27 > 0:26:30to marry into a CLOAKROOM

0:26:30 > 0:26:34and form an alliance with a PARCEL!

0:26:34 > 0:26:37Good morning, Mr Worthing.

0:26:38 > 0:26:40Good morning, Lady Bracknell.

0:26:41 > 0:26:43HE GROANS

0:26:48 > 0:26:51"THE WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS ON PIANO

0:26:54 > 0:26:57Algy, for heaven's sake, stop playing that ghastly tune!

0:26:59 > 0:27:01- Didn't it go off all right? - Oh!

0:27:01 > 0:27:03You mean Gwendolen refused you?

0:27:03 > 0:27:06Gwendolen is as right as a trivet! She thinks we're engaged.

0:27:06 > 0:27:09Her mother is an absolute gorgon!

0:27:09 > 0:27:13I am unsure what a gorgon is, but Lady Bracknell is one.

0:27:13 > 0:27:17Anyway, she's a monster without being a myth, which is rather unfair.

0:27:18 > 0:27:22Algy...you don't suppose that Gwendolen will become like her mother

0:27:22 > 0:27:25in about 150 years, do you?

0:27:25 > 0:27:28All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy.

0:27:28 > 0:27:31No man does. That's his.

0:27:31 > 0:27:34- Is that clever? - It is perfectly phrased.

0:27:34 > 0:27:38And quite as true as any observation in civilised life should be.

0:27:38 > 0:27:40Did you tell Gwendolen the truth

0:27:40 > 0:27:42about being Ernest in town and Jack in the country?

0:27:42 > 0:27:46My dear fellow, the truth is not the sort of thing

0:27:46 > 0:27:48one tells to a nice, sweet, refined girl.

0:27:48 > 0:27:52Besides, before the week's end I shall have got rid of Ernest.

0:27:52 > 0:27:57My poor brother Ernest is to be carried off quite suddenly in Paris

0:27:57 > 0:27:58by a severe chill.

0:27:58 > 0:28:00I thought you said that your ward

0:28:00 > 0:28:04was a little too interested in your poor brother Ernest.

0:28:04 > 0:28:05Won't she feel his loss?

0:28:05 > 0:28:07Oh, Cecily isn't a silly, romantic girl.

0:28:07 > 0:28:11She's got a capital appetite, she goes for long walks

0:28:11 > 0:28:13and pays no attention to her lessons.

0:28:13 > 0:28:15I'd like to see Cecily.

0:28:15 > 0:28:17I shall take care that you never do.

0:28:17 > 0:28:19She is excessively pretty and only just 18.

0:28:19 > 0:28:23Have you told Gwendolen you have an excessively pretty ward?

0:28:23 > 0:28:25One doesn't blurt these things out to people.

0:28:25 > 0:28:28Cecily and Gwendolen are certain to be good friends.

0:28:28 > 0:28:32I bet that soon after meeting they'll call each other sister.

0:28:32 > 0:28:36Mmm. Women only do that when they've called each other a lot of other things first.

0:28:36 > 0:28:38DOOR OPENS

0:28:38 > 0:28:40Miss Fairfax.

0:28:40 > 0:28:42Algy, kindly turn your back.

0:28:42 > 0:28:45I have something very particular to tell Mr Worthing.

0:28:45 > 0:28:47Really, I can't allow this at all.

0:28:47 > 0:28:49Ernest, we may never be married.

0:28:49 > 0:28:52From Mama's expression, I fear we never shall.

0:28:52 > 0:28:55But although she may prevent us from being married,

0:28:55 > 0:28:59nothing she can possibly do can alter my eternal devotion to you.

0:28:59 > 0:29:03Your...your Christian name has an irresistible fascination.

0:29:03 > 0:29:05The simplicity of your character

0:29:05 > 0:29:07makes you exquisitely incomprehensible to me.

0:29:07 > 0:29:11Your town address I have. What is your address in the country?

0:29:11 > 0:29:14The Manor House, Woolton, Hertfordshire.

0:29:14 > 0:29:16There is a good postal service?

0:29:16 > 0:29:19It may be necessary to do something desperate.

0:29:19 > 0:29:22- The Manor House. - Mmm.

0:29:22 > 0:29:23- Woolton. - Mm-hm.

0:29:23 > 0:29:26Hertfordshire.

0:29:26 > 0:29:28My own one!

0:29:32 > 0:29:35- Cecily! - Yes, Miss Prism?

0:29:43 > 0:29:45Cecily!

0:29:46 > 0:29:47Come here at once, child!

0:29:53 > 0:29:56We should have been at our labours quite 20 minutes ago.

0:29:56 > 0:29:59Unfortunately, I was detained by a slight mishap

0:29:59 > 0:30:00to my, er, my...

0:30:00 > 0:30:02Oh, well, never mind about that.

0:30:02 > 0:30:05Your German grammar is on the table.

0:30:06 > 0:30:08- Oh! - But I don't like German.

0:30:08 > 0:30:12It isn't at all a becoming language.

0:30:12 > 0:30:16I know perfectly well that I look quite plain after my German lesson.

0:30:16 > 0:30:18You know your guardian is anxious

0:30:18 > 0:30:20you should improve yourself in every way.

0:30:20 > 0:30:22He laid particular stress on your German

0:30:22 > 0:30:24as he left for town yesterday.

0:30:24 > 0:30:28He always lays stress on your German when he's leaving for town.

0:30:28 > 0:30:32We will repeat yesterday's lesson. Genders.

0:30:32 > 0:30:35Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious.

0:30:35 > 0:30:39Sometimes he is so serious that I think he cannot be well.

0:30:39 > 0:30:41Your guardian enjoys the best of health.

0:30:41 > 0:30:43And his gravity of demeanour...

0:30:43 > 0:30:46his gravity of demeanour is especially to be commended

0:30:46 > 0:30:49in one so comparatively young as he is.

0:30:49 > 0:30:53I know no-one who has a higher sense of duty and responsibility.

0:30:53 > 0:30:56That is why he often looks bored when we three are together.

0:30:56 > 0:30:58Cecily, I'm surprised at you!

0:30:58 > 0:31:00Mr Worthing has many troubles in his life.

0:31:00 > 0:31:05Idle merriment and triviality would be out of place in his conversation.

0:31:05 > 0:31:07You must remember his constant anxiety

0:31:07 > 0:31:11about that unfortunate young man, his brother Ernest.

0:31:11 > 0:31:14Why, I wish Uncle Jack would allow

0:31:14 > 0:31:18that unfortunate young man, his brother Ernest,

0:31:18 > 0:31:20to come down here sometimes.

0:31:20 > 0:31:22TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

0:31:25 > 0:31:28Diminutives are always neuter.

0:31:28 > 0:31:30That is, they belong to neither sex,

0:31:30 > 0:31:33even when appearances are to the contrary.

0:31:33 > 0:31:36As for example, das Fraulein - the young lady -

0:31:36 > 0:31:40das Madchen - the young girl.

0:31:40 > 0:31:42Put away your diary, Cecily!

0:31:42 > 0:31:46I don't see why you should keep a diary at all.

0:31:46 > 0:31:52I keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful secrets of my life!

0:31:52 > 0:31:56If I didn't write them down, I should probably forget them.

0:31:56 > 0:32:00Memory, dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry with us.

0:32:00 > 0:32:03Yes, but it chronicles the things that have never happened

0:32:03 > 0:32:06and couldn't possibly have happened. I believe that memory's responsible

0:32:06 > 0:32:10for nearly all the three-volume novels that the library sends us.

0:32:10 > 0:32:13Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novelists.

0:32:13 > 0:32:17I wrote one myself in earlier days.

0:32:17 > 0:32:19Did you really, Miss Prism?

0:32:19 > 0:32:23Oh, how wonderfully clever you are!

0:32:23 > 0:32:25I hope it did not end happily.

0:32:25 > 0:32:28I don't like novels that end happily.

0:32:28 > 0:32:31The good ended happily and the bad unhappily.

0:32:31 > 0:32:35- That is what fiction means. - I suppose so.

0:32:35 > 0:32:38- And was it ever published? - Alas, no!

0:32:38 > 0:32:41The manuscript, unfortunately, was abandoned.

0:32:41 > 0:32:45Oh, I use the word in the sense of "lost" or "mislaid".

0:32:45 > 0:32:47Now, to your work, child.

0:32:47 > 0:32:50These speculations are profitless.

0:32:50 > 0:32:54But I see dear Dr Chasuble coming up through the garden.

0:32:54 > 0:32:56Oh!

0:32:56 > 0:32:58Ah!

0:32:58 > 0:33:00And how are we this morning?

0:33:00 > 0:33:02Miss Prism, you are, I trust, well?

0:33:02 > 0:33:05Dr Chasuble, this is indeed a pleasure!

0:33:05 > 0:33:08Miss Prism has just been complaining of a slight headache.

0:33:08 > 0:33:10It would do her so much good

0:33:10 > 0:33:13to go for a stroll with you in the park.

0:33:13 > 0:33:16Cecily, I have not mentioned anything about a headache.

0:33:16 > 0:33:18I know that, Miss Prism.

0:33:18 > 0:33:20I felt instinctively that you had a headache.

0:33:20 > 0:33:24I was thinking about that, not about my German lesson,

0:33:24 > 0:33:25when the rector arrived.

0:33:25 > 0:33:27I hope, Cecily, you are not inattentive?

0:33:27 > 0:33:31- Oh, I'm afraid I am. - That is strange.

0:33:31 > 0:33:34Were I fortunate enough to be Miss Prism's pupil,

0:33:34 > 0:33:36I would hang upon her lips.

0:33:36 > 0:33:38- Oh! - I spoke metaphorically.

0:33:38 > 0:33:41My metaphor was drawn from bees.

0:33:41 > 0:33:44Mr Worthing, I suppose, has not returned from town yet.

0:33:44 > 0:33:47We do not expect him till Monday afternoon.

0:33:47 > 0:33:49He usually likes to spend Sunday in London.

0:33:49 > 0:33:53He's not one of those whose sole aim is enjoyment.

0:33:53 > 0:33:57As by all accounts that unfortunate young man, his brother, seems to be.

0:33:57 > 0:34:01Yes. I must not disturb Egeria and her pupil any longer.

0:34:01 > 0:34:05Egeria? My name is Laetitia, Doctor.

0:34:05 > 0:34:08Laetitia! The Latin for "joy"!

0:34:09 > 0:34:11Oh! Ahem...

0:34:11 > 0:34:15I shall see you both, no doubt, at evensong?

0:34:15 > 0:34:17I think, dear Doctor, I will stroll with you.

0:34:17 > 0:34:20I find I have a headache after all.

0:34:20 > 0:34:22A stroll might do it good.

0:34:22 > 0:34:25Cecily, you will read your political economy in my absence.

0:34:25 > 0:34:30The chapter on the fall of the rupee you may omit. It is too sensational.

0:34:30 > 0:34:34Even these metallic problems have their melodramatic side.

0:34:38 > 0:34:40Horrid political economy!

0:34:40 > 0:34:43Horrid geology! Horrid, horrid German!

0:34:45 > 0:34:46SHE SIGHS

0:34:47 > 0:34:51You are too much alone, dear Dr Chasuble.

0:34:52 > 0:34:54- You should get married. - Oh!

0:34:54 > 0:34:55HE SIGHS

0:34:55 > 0:34:58You do not seem to realise, dear Doctor,

0:34:58 > 0:35:00that by persistently remaining single

0:35:00 > 0:35:03a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

0:35:03 > 0:35:06A man should be more careful.

0:35:06 > 0:35:10Or he may lead weaker vessels astray.

0:35:10 > 0:35:13But is a man not equally attractive when married?

0:35:13 > 0:35:16No married man is ever attractive, except to his wife.

0:35:16 > 0:35:19Often, I've been told, not even to her.

0:35:19 > 0:35:20Doesn't that depend

0:35:20 > 0:35:23upon the intellectual sympathies of the woman?

0:35:23 > 0:35:26Maturity can always be depended on.

0:35:26 > 0:35:28Ripeness can be trusted.

0:35:28 > 0:35:30Young women are green.

0:35:30 > 0:35:35I spoke horticulturally. My metaphor was drawn from fruits.

0:35:35 > 0:35:37Fruits, yes.

0:35:37 > 0:35:38A-hem.

0:35:38 > 0:35:44Mr Ernest Worthing has just driven over from the station, miss.

0:35:44 > 0:35:46He's brought his luggage with him.

0:35:47 > 0:35:51"Mr Ernest Worthing, B4, The Albany."

0:35:52 > 0:35:54Uncle Jack's brother?

0:35:56 > 0:35:59Did you tell him Mr Worthing was in London?

0:35:59 > 0:36:02Yes, miss. He seemed very much disappointed.

0:36:02 > 0:36:06He said he would like to speak to you privately for a moment.

0:36:06 > 0:36:08I've left him in the morning room.

0:36:09 > 0:36:11Thank you, Merriman.

0:36:17 > 0:36:20I've never met a really wicked person before.

0:36:20 > 0:36:22I feel rather frightened.

0:36:22 > 0:36:25I'm so afraid he'll look just like everyone else.

0:36:31 > 0:36:33HE HUMS: "La Donna E Mobile"

0:36:38 > 0:36:40He does!

0:36:40 > 0:36:43You are my little cousin Cecily, aren't you?

0:36:44 > 0:36:47You are under some strange misapprehension.

0:36:47 > 0:36:49I am not little.

0:36:49 > 0:36:53I believe that I am more than usually tall for my age.

0:36:53 > 0:36:56But I am your cousin Cecily.

0:36:56 > 0:36:59You, I see from your card, are Uncle Jack's brother...

0:36:59 > 0:37:01my cousin Ernest.

0:37:01 > 0:37:05My wicked cousin Ernest.

0:37:05 > 0:37:07Oh, I'm not really wicked at all, Cousin Cecily.

0:37:07 > 0:37:09You mustn't think I'm wicked.

0:37:09 > 0:37:11If you are not,

0:37:11 > 0:37:14then you have certainly been deceiving us all

0:37:14 > 0:37:16in a very inexcusable manner!

0:37:16 > 0:37:21I hope you have not been leading a double life -

0:37:21 > 0:37:25pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time!

0:37:25 > 0:37:27That would be hypocrisy!

0:37:29 > 0:37:33Of course, I... I have been rather reckless.

0:37:33 > 0:37:34I'm glad to hear it!

0:37:34 > 0:37:36In fact, now you mention the subject,

0:37:36 > 0:37:40I have been very bad in my own small way.

0:37:40 > 0:37:43I don't think you should be so proud of that.

0:37:43 > 0:37:45Though I'm sure it was very pleasant.

0:37:45 > 0:37:47It's much pleasanter being here with you.

0:37:47 > 0:37:50I can't understand how you're here at all.

0:37:50 > 0:37:53Uncle Jack won't be back till Monday afternoon.

0:37:53 > 0:37:54That is a great disappointment.

0:37:54 > 0:37:57I must go up by the first train on Monday morning.

0:37:57 > 0:38:00I have a business appointment that I'm anxious...

0:38:00 > 0:38:02to miss.

0:38:02 > 0:38:05Couldn't you miss it anywhere but in London?

0:38:05 > 0:38:07No. The appointment is in London.

0:38:09 > 0:38:12Well, I...know, of course,

0:38:12 > 0:38:15how important it is not to keep a business engagement.

0:38:16 > 0:38:20Still, I think you had better wait until Uncle Jack arrives.

0:38:20 > 0:38:23He wants to speak to you about your emigrating.

0:38:23 > 0:38:24My what?!

0:38:24 > 0:38:27About your emigrating. He has gone up to buy your outfit.

0:38:27 > 0:38:30I certainly wouldn't allow Jack to buy my outfit.

0:38:30 > 0:38:32He's got absolutely no taste in neckties.

0:38:32 > 0:38:35I don't think that you will require neckties.

0:38:35 > 0:38:37Uncle Jack is sending you to Australia.

0:38:37 > 0:38:39Australia?

0:38:40 > 0:38:41I'd sooner die.

0:38:41 > 0:38:44He said at dinner on Wednesday you would have to choose -

0:38:44 > 0:38:49between this world, the next world and Australia.

0:38:49 > 0:38:54Oh! Well, the reports I have of Australia and the next world are not particularly encouraging.

0:38:54 > 0:38:57This world is good enough for me, Cousin Cecily.

0:38:57 > 0:39:01Yes. But are you good enough for it?

0:39:02 > 0:39:03Well, no, I am not that.

0:39:03 > 0:39:06That is why I would like you to reform me.

0:39:06 > 0:39:09You might make that your mission, if you don't mind.

0:39:09 > 0:39:12I am afraid I have no time this afternoon.

0:39:12 > 0:39:15Would you mind if I reform myself this afternoon?

0:39:15 > 0:39:18It is rather romantic of you. But I think you should try.

0:39:18 > 0:39:20I will.

0:39:22 > 0:39:24I feel better already.

0:39:24 > 0:39:26You are looking a little worse.

0:39:26 > 0:39:28That's because I'm hungry.

0:39:28 > 0:39:30Oh, how thoughtless of me!

0:39:30 > 0:39:33I should have remembered that when one is leading an entirely new life

0:39:33 > 0:39:36one requires regular and wholesome meals.

0:39:36 > 0:39:38Might I have a buttonhole first?

0:39:38 > 0:39:42I...I never have any appetite unless I have a buttonhole.

0:39:42 > 0:39:43A Marechal Niel?

0:39:45 > 0:39:49- No. I would sooner have a pink rose. - Why?

0:39:49 > 0:39:52Because you are like a pink rose, Cousin Cecily.

0:39:53 > 0:39:58I don't think it can be right for you to say such things to me.

0:39:58 > 0:40:01Miss Prism never talks like that.

0:40:01 > 0:40:04Then Miss Prism is a short-sighted old lady.

0:40:07 > 0:40:10You are the prettiest girl I ever saw.

0:40:10 > 0:40:13Miss Prism says that all good looks are a snare.

0:40:13 > 0:40:18They are a snare that any sensible man would like to be caught in.

0:40:18 > 0:40:22I don't think I should care to catch a sensible man.

0:40:22 > 0:40:26I wouldn't know what to talk to him about.

0:40:26 > 0:40:27DING!

0:40:42 > 0:40:44Mr Worthing!

0:40:45 > 0:40:46Mr Worthing.

0:40:46 > 0:40:49Dear Mr Worthing, I trust this garb of woe

0:40:49 > 0:40:52does not betoken some terrible calamity.

0:40:54 > 0:40:56My brother...

0:40:56 > 0:41:00More shameful debts and extravagance?

0:41:00 > 0:41:02Dead.

0:41:02 > 0:41:05Your brother Ernest dead?

0:41:07 > 0:41:08Quite...dead.

0:41:10 > 0:41:13What a lesson. I trust he will profit by it.

0:41:13 > 0:41:18Oh, Mr Worthing, I...I offer my sincere condolences.

0:41:18 > 0:41:20Poor Ernest. He had many faults.

0:41:20 > 0:41:24- But it is a sad, sad blow. - Oh, very sad indeed.

0:41:24 > 0:41:26Were you with him at the end?

0:41:26 > 0:41:28No. He died abroad, in Paris.

0:41:28 > 0:41:32I had a telegram last night from the Grand Hotel's manager.

0:41:32 > 0:41:34Was the cause of death mentioned?

0:41:34 > 0:41:35A severe chill, it seems.

0:41:35 > 0:41:38As a man sows, so let him reap.

0:41:38 > 0:41:42Charity, dear Miss Prism, charity. None of us are perfect.

0:41:42 > 0:41:45I myself am peculiarly susceptible to draughts.

0:41:45 > 0:41:47Er, will the interment take place here?

0:41:47 > 0:41:51No. He expressed a desire to be buried in Paris.

0:41:51 > 0:41:52Paris!

0:41:52 > 0:41:54I fear that hardly points

0:41:54 > 0:41:58to any very serious state of mind at the last.

0:41:58 > 0:42:00Oh, Uncle Jack!

0:42:00 > 0:42:02I'm so glad to see you back.

0:42:02 > 0:42:04But what horrid clothes you have got on.

0:42:04 > 0:42:07- Cecily! - Oh, child! My child!

0:42:07 > 0:42:11Do look happy! I have got such a surprise for you.

0:42:11 > 0:42:14Who do you think is in the dining room?

0:42:14 > 0:42:15- Your brother! - Who?

0:42:15 > 0:42:17Your brother Ernest.

0:42:17 > 0:42:18He arrived half an hour ago.

0:42:18 > 0:42:22- Nonsense. I haven't got a brother. - Oh, don't say that.

0:42:22 > 0:42:25However badly he behaved to you in the past

0:42:25 > 0:42:27he is still your brother.

0:42:27 > 0:42:30You couldn't be so heartless as to disown him.

0:42:30 > 0:42:31- But... - And...

0:42:31 > 0:42:35you will shake hands with him, won't you, Uncle Jack?

0:42:37 > 0:42:40These are very joyful tidings! Hmm?

0:42:40 > 0:42:43After we had all been resigned to his loss,

0:42:43 > 0:42:46his sudden return seems to me peculiarly distressing.

0:42:50 > 0:42:52Good...good heavens!

0:42:52 > 0:42:55Brother John, I have come all the way from London

0:42:55 > 0:42:59to tell you how sorry I am for the trouble I have caused you

0:42:59 > 0:43:03and that I intend to lead a better life in future.

0:43:03 > 0:43:06Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse your own brother's hand?

0:43:06 > 0:43:08Nothing would induce me to take it.

0:43:08 > 0:43:12His coming here is disgraceful! He knows perfectly well why.

0:43:12 > 0:43:13Uncle Jack, do be nice.

0:43:13 > 0:43:15There is some good in everyone.

0:43:15 > 0:43:20Ernest has been telling me about his poor invalid friend, Mr Bunbury.

0:43:20 > 0:43:22He's told you about Bunbury?

0:43:22 > 0:43:25I won't have him telling you about Bunbury or anything else!

0:43:25 > 0:43:28I admit the faults are on my side.

0:43:28 > 0:43:30But I must say, I think

0:43:30 > 0:43:35brother John's coldness to me on my first visit here peculiarly painful.

0:43:35 > 0:43:38Uncle Jack, if you won't shake hands with Ernest

0:43:38 > 0:43:40I will never forgive you!

0:43:40 > 0:43:42- Never forgive me? - Never!

0:43:42 > 0:43:44Never, never!

0:43:44 > 0:43:46It is the last time I shall do it.

0:43:46 > 0:43:49I think we might leave the brothers together.

0:43:49 > 0:43:53- Cecily, you will come with us! - Certainly, Miss Prism.

0:43:53 > 0:43:56My little task of reconciliation is over.

0:43:58 > 0:44:01Algy, you young scoundrel, you must leave this place at once.

0:44:01 > 0:44:06I won't have any Bunburying here! Merriman, order the dogcart at once.

0:44:06 > 0:44:09Mr Ernest has been called back suddenly to town!

0:44:11 > 0:44:12Yes, sir.

0:44:13 > 0:44:16You're a fearful liar. I haven't been called back to town.

0:44:16 > 0:44:19- You have! - I haven't heard anyone call me.

0:44:19 > 0:44:22Your duty as a gentleman calls you back!

0:44:22 > 0:44:24I have never allowed my duty as a gentleman

0:44:24 > 0:44:26to interfere with my pleasures.

0:44:26 > 0:44:29I can quite understand that.

0:44:29 > 0:44:31Well, Cecily is a darling!

0:44:31 > 0:44:34I don't like you speaking of Miss Cardew that way.

0:44:34 > 0:44:37I don't like your clothes. You look perfectly grotesque!

0:44:37 > 0:44:39Why don't you change?

0:44:39 > 0:44:41Childish to be in deep mourning

0:44:41 > 0:44:44for a man who is staying a week with you as a guest.

0:44:44 > 0:44:48You are not staying for a week as guest or anything else!

0:44:48 > 0:44:50You are leaving this afternoon by the 4.05 train.

0:44:50 > 0:44:53I shall not leave as long as you are in mourning.

0:44:53 > 0:44:55It would be most unfriendly.

0:44:55 > 0:44:57Were I in mourning you'd stay with me.

0:44:57 > 0:45:00I should think it unkind if you did not.

0:45:00 > 0:45:02Will you go if I change my clothes?

0:45:02 > 0:45:04Yes, if you don't take too long.

0:45:04 > 0:45:08I never saw a man take so long to dress with such little result.

0:45:08 > 0:45:13At any rate, that is better than being always overdressed, as you are.

0:45:14 > 0:45:18This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you.

0:45:24 > 0:45:27I think it's been a great success.

0:45:31 > 0:45:33You rang, sir.

0:45:33 > 0:45:37Merriman, am I correctly garbed for a christening?

0:45:37 > 0:45:39No, sir.

0:45:39 > 0:45:41Black is for funerals and weddings, sir.

0:45:41 > 0:45:43White is for christenings.

0:45:43 > 0:45:45I'll lay out your tennis clothes, sir.

0:45:45 > 0:45:47Thank you, Merriman.

0:46:02 > 0:46:04DOOR OPENS >

0:46:13 > 0:46:16Oh! I thought you were with Uncle Jack.

0:46:16 > 0:46:19He is ordering the dogcart for me.

0:46:19 > 0:46:21He's taking you for a drive?

0:46:21 > 0:46:22He's sending me away.

0:46:24 > 0:46:27- Then have we got to part? - I'm afraid so.

0:46:27 > 0:46:29It is very painful, parting.

0:46:29 > 0:46:31It is always painful to part from people

0:46:31 > 0:46:35whom one has known a brief space of time.

0:46:35 > 0:46:39The absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity.

0:46:39 > 0:46:41But even a momentary separation

0:46:41 > 0:46:47from anyone to whom one has just been introduced is almost...unbearable.

0:46:47 > 0:46:48Thank you.

0:46:49 > 0:46:51The dogcart is at the door, sir.

0:46:54 > 0:46:58It can wait, Merriman, for five minutes.

0:46:59 > 0:47:00Yes, miss.

0:47:03 > 0:47:05I hope I shall not offend you

0:47:05 > 0:47:08if I state quite openly and frankly that you seem to me

0:47:08 > 0:47:11the visible personification of absolute perfection.

0:47:11 > 0:47:14I think your frankness does you great credit, Ernest.

0:47:14 > 0:47:18If you will allow me, I will copy your remarks into my diary.

0:47:21 > 0:47:23Do you really keep a diary?

0:47:23 > 0:47:26- I'd give anything to see it. May I? - Oh, no!

0:47:26 > 0:47:29It is simply a very young girl's record

0:47:29 > 0:47:31of her own thoughts and impressions

0:47:31 > 0:47:33and consequently meant for publication.

0:47:33 > 0:47:37When it appears in volume form, I hope you will order a copy.

0:47:37 > 0:47:38But pray, Ernest, don't stop.

0:47:38 > 0:47:40I delight in taking down from dictation.

0:47:40 > 0:47:44I have reached "absolute perfection".

0:47:44 > 0:47:47You may go on. I'm quite ready for more.

0:47:47 > 0:47:49HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Oh, don't cough, Ernest.

0:47:49 > 0:47:52I don't know how to spell a cough.

0:47:52 > 0:47:53Cecily...

0:47:53 > 0:47:58ever since I first saw your wonderful and incomparable perfection,

0:47:58 > 0:48:03I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly...

0:48:03 > 0:48:04hopelessly.

0:48:04 > 0:48:07You shouldn't tell me that you love me

0:48:07 > 0:48:11"wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly".

0:48:11 > 0:48:15"Hopelessly" doesn't seem to make much sense, does it?

0:48:15 > 0:48:16Cecily!

0:48:16 > 0:48:18< DOOR OPENS

0:48:19 > 0:48:22The dogcart is waiting, sir.

0:48:22 > 0:48:24Tell it to come round next week.

0:48:30 > 0:48:32Very good, sir.

0:48:35 > 0:48:37I think Uncle Jack would be very annoyed

0:48:37 > 0:48:40if he knew you were staying until next week.

0:48:40 > 0:48:41I don't care about Jack.

0:48:41 > 0:48:45I don't care for anybody in the world but you.

0:48:45 > 0:48:47I love you, Cecily. Will you marry me?

0:48:47 > 0:48:51Of course. Why, we've been engaged for the last three months.

0:48:51 > 0:48:53The last three months?!

0:48:53 > 0:48:55It will be exactly three months on Thursday.

0:48:55 > 0:48:57But how did we become engaged?

0:48:57 > 0:48:59Well, ever since dear Uncle Jack first confessed

0:48:59 > 0:49:02that he had a younger brother who was very wicked and bad,

0:49:02 > 0:49:05you have formed the chief topic of conversation

0:49:05 > 0:49:07between myself and Miss Prism.

0:49:07 > 0:49:08And of course,

0:49:08 > 0:49:11a man who is much talked about is always very attractive.

0:49:11 > 0:49:14One always feels there must be something in him.

0:49:14 > 0:49:18I daresay it was...foolish of me...

0:49:19 > 0:49:21..but I fell in love with you, Ernest.

0:49:21 > 0:49:25Darling! When was our engagement actually settled?

0:49:25 > 0:49:27On the 22nd of February last.

0:49:29 > 0:49:32Worn out by your entire ignorance of my existence,

0:49:32 > 0:49:36I determined to end the matter, one way or the other.

0:49:36 > 0:49:42And after a long struggle with myself, I accepted you -

0:49:42 > 0:49:45under that dear old chandelier there.

0:49:45 > 0:49:49And then, next day, I bought this ring in your name.

0:49:49 > 0:49:53And this is the bangle with the true lovers' knot

0:49:53 > 0:49:55that I promised you always to wear.

0:49:55 > 0:49:58Did I give you this? It's very pretty, isn't it?

0:49:58 > 0:50:01Yes. Yes, you've wonderfully good taste, Ernest.

0:50:01 > 0:50:04It's always been my excuse for your leading such a bad life.

0:50:04 > 0:50:07And then...

0:50:08 > 0:50:13..this is the box in which I keep all your dear letters.

0:50:13 > 0:50:17My letters? But, my own sweet Cecily, I never wrote you any letters.

0:50:17 > 0:50:19You need hardly remind me of that.

0:50:19 > 0:50:23I remember I was forced to write all your letters for you.

0:50:23 > 0:50:26I wrote three times a week - sometimes oftener.

0:50:26 > 0:50:27Do let me read them!

0:50:27 > 0:50:30You couldn't possibly. They would make you far too conceited.

0:50:30 > 0:50:36The three you wrote to me after our engagement had been broken off

0:50:36 > 0:50:38are so beautiful.

0:50:38 > 0:50:40And so badly spelled.

0:50:41 > 0:50:45Even now, I can hardly read them without crying a little.

0:50:45 > 0:50:48- But was our engagement broken off? - Of course it was.

0:50:48 > 0:50:53On the 22nd of last March. You can see the entry.

0:50:53 > 0:50:55"Today I broke off my engagement with Ernest.

0:50:55 > 0:50:59"I feel it is better to do so. The weather still continues charming."

0:51:00 > 0:51:03But why did you break it off? What had I done?

0:51:03 > 0:51:05I had done nothing at all.

0:51:05 > 0:51:08I am very much hurt indeed that you broke it off.

0:51:08 > 0:51:10Particularly when the weather was so charming.

0:51:10 > 0:51:13But it would hardly have been a really serious engagement

0:51:13 > 0:51:16if it hadn't been broken off at least once.

0:51:16 > 0:51:19But I forgave you before the week was out.

0:51:19 > 0:51:22What a perfect angel you are!

0:51:23 > 0:51:27You won't ever break off our engagement again, will you?

0:51:27 > 0:51:30I don't think I could, now that I've actually met you.

0:51:30 > 0:51:33Besides, of course, there is the question of your name.

0:51:35 > 0:51:36Oh.

0:51:36 > 0:51:38You mustn't laugh at me, darling,

0:51:38 > 0:51:41but it had always been a girlish dream of mine

0:51:41 > 0:51:44to love someone by the name of Ernest.

0:51:44 > 0:51:50There is something in that name that seems to inspire absolute confidence.

0:51:50 > 0:51:54Indeed, I pity any poor married woman whose husband is not called Ernest.

0:51:54 > 0:51:58My dear child, you mean you couldn't love me if I had some other name?

0:51:58 > 0:52:00- But what name? - Any name you like.

0:52:01 > 0:52:04Algernon, for instance.

0:52:04 > 0:52:06But I don't like the name of Algernon.

0:52:06 > 0:52:09I don't see why you should object to the name of Algernon.

0:52:09 > 0:52:13It's not a bad name at all. In fact it's rather aristocratic.

0:52:13 > 0:52:16Half the chaps in the bankruptcy court are called Algernon.

0:52:16 > 0:52:21But seriously, Cecily, if my name was Algy, couldn't you love me?

0:52:21 > 0:52:25I might respect you, Ernest. I might admire your character.

0:52:25 > 0:52:29But I fear that I should not be able to give you my undivided attention.

0:52:29 > 0:52:33Cecily, your vicar here is, I suppose,

0:52:33 > 0:52:36experienced in all the rites and ceremonials of the Church?

0:52:36 > 0:52:39Yes, Dr Chasuble is a most learned man.

0:52:39 > 0:52:42I must see him on a most important christening - I mean, business.

0:52:42 > 0:52:44- I won't be half an hour. - Ernest!

0:52:46 > 0:52:50Considering that we have been engaged since February the 22nd

0:52:50 > 0:52:53and that I only met you today for the first time,

0:52:53 > 0:52:56I think it is rather hard

0:52:56 > 0:53:00that you should leave me for so long a period as half an hour.

0:53:00 > 0:53:03Couldn't you make it 20 minutes?

0:53:03 > 0:53:05I'll be back in no time.

0:53:13 > 0:53:16SNORING

0:53:16 > 0:53:18KNOCK AT DOOR

0:53:24 > 0:53:26HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:53:28 > 0:53:30CLANG!

0:53:30 > 0:53:32Mr Worthing!

0:53:32 > 0:53:34Good afternoon, Dr Chasuble.

0:53:34 > 0:53:40You will, I trust, excuse a postprandial relapse into the arms of Morpheus.

0:53:40 > 0:53:42In other words, forty winks.

0:53:42 > 0:53:45Dr Chasuble, I suppose you know how to christen all right.

0:53:45 > 0:53:48I mean, of course, you ARE continually christening, aren't you?

0:53:48 > 0:53:52I regret to say, one of my most constant duties in this parish.

0:53:52 > 0:53:55I've often spoken to the poorer classes on this subject

0:53:55 > 0:53:57but they don't seem to know what thrift is.

0:53:57 > 0:54:01Is there any particular infant in whom you're interested, Mr Worthing?

0:54:01 > 0:54:03Of course! Your brother.

0:54:03 > 0:54:05I beg your pardon?

0:54:05 > 0:54:07Your brother, I know, is unmarried, but...

0:54:07 > 0:54:10Dr Chasuble, it is not for any child.

0:54:10 > 0:54:13The fact is, I was thinking of getting christened myself.

0:54:13 > 0:54:16This afternoon, if you've nothing better to do.

0:54:16 > 0:54:19But surely, Mr Worthing, you've been christened already?

0:54:19 > 0:54:20I don't remember it.

0:54:20 > 0:54:22Have you any grave doubts?

0:54:22 > 0:54:23Well, I certainly intend to have...

0:54:23 > 0:54:27Unless, of course, you think I'm a little too...old now.

0:54:27 > 0:54:28Oh, not at all.

0:54:28 > 0:54:32The sprinkling and indeed the immersion of adults

0:54:32 > 0:54:35is a perfectly canonical practice.

0:54:35 > 0:54:37- Immersion? - You need have no apprehension.

0:54:37 > 0:54:41Sprinkling is all that is necessary. Or indeed, I think, advisable.

0:54:41 > 0:54:44Our weather - so changeable.

0:54:44 > 0:54:47What hour would you like the ceremony performed?

0:54:47 > 0:54:50I thought I would trot around about five, if that suits you.

0:54:50 > 0:54:52Oh, perfectly, perfectly.

0:54:52 > 0:54:55I have two similar ceremonies to perform at that time.

0:54:55 > 0:54:58A case of twins that occurred recently

0:54:58 > 0:55:01in one of the outlying cottages of your own estate.

0:55:01 > 0:55:03- Oh? - Poor Jenkins, the carter.

0:55:03 > 0:55:06Most hard-working man.

0:55:06 > 0:55:08Well, I don't see much fun

0:55:08 > 0:55:10in being christened with a lot of other babies.

0:55:10 > 0:55:13It would be childish. Would half past five do?

0:55:13 > 0:55:15Oh, admirably, admirably.

0:55:15 > 0:55:18- Till half past five, then. - Half past five at the font.

0:55:22 > 0:55:24KNOCK AT DOOR

0:55:24 > 0:55:25Come in.

0:55:27 > 0:55:28Dr Chasuble?

0:55:32 > 0:55:36"What a perfect angel you are, Cecily."

0:55:40 > 0:55:42But that is where he knelt.

0:55:44 > 0:55:48Yes, I am SURE that is where he knelt.

0:55:48 > 0:55:51A Miss Fairfax has called to see Mr Worthing, miss.

0:55:51 > 0:55:55On very important business, Miss Fairfax states.

0:55:55 > 0:55:57Isn't Mr Worthing in the library?

0:55:57 > 0:56:00Mr Worthing went over in the direction of the rectory

0:56:00 > 0:56:01some time ago, miss.

0:56:01 > 0:56:05Pray, ask the lady to come out. Mr Worthing will be back soon.

0:56:05 > 0:56:08- And, Merriman, you may bring tea. - Yes, miss.

0:56:09 > 0:56:11Oh, dear.

0:56:11 > 0:56:14One of the many good elderly women

0:56:14 > 0:56:17associated with Uncle Jack in some of his philanthropic work in London,

0:56:17 > 0:56:19I suppose.

0:56:19 > 0:56:20Miss Fairfax.

0:56:29 > 0:56:30Oh!

0:56:32 > 0:56:34Miss Fairfax.

0:56:35 > 0:56:38Pray, let me introduce myself to you.

0:56:38 > 0:56:39My name is Cecily Cardew.

0:56:39 > 0:56:41What a very sweet name.

0:56:41 > 0:56:44Something tells me we're going to be great friends.

0:56:44 > 0:56:47I like you already more than I can say.

0:56:47 > 0:56:50My first impressions of people are never wrong.

0:56:50 > 0:56:53How nice of you to like me so much,

0:56:53 > 0:56:57after we have known one another for such a comparatively short time.

0:56:57 > 0:56:58Shall we sit over there?

0:56:58 > 0:57:01- I may call you Cecily, may I not? - With pleasure.

0:57:01 > 0:57:04And you will always call me Gwendolen, won't you?

0:57:04 > 0:57:05If you wish.

0:57:05 > 0:57:08Then that's all quite settled, is it not?

0:57:08 > 0:57:10I hope so.

0:57:14 > 0:57:19Cecily, Mama, whose views on education are remarkably strict,

0:57:19 > 0:57:22has brought me up to be extremely short-sighted.

0:57:22 > 0:57:24It's part of her system.

0:57:24 > 0:57:29So...do you mind my looking at you through my glasses?

0:57:29 > 0:57:34Oh, not at all, Gwendolen. I'm very fond of being looked at.

0:57:47 > 0:57:51You are here on a short visit, I suppose?

0:57:51 > 0:57:53- Oh, no. I live here. - Really?

0:57:53 > 0:57:55Your mother, no doubt,

0:57:55 > 0:57:59or some female relative of advanced years resides here also?

0:57:59 > 0:58:03Oh, no. I have no mother. Nor, in fact, any relations.

0:58:03 > 0:58:06I am Mr Worthing's ward.

0:58:07 > 0:58:08Oh.

0:58:08 > 0:58:12It is strange he never mentioned that he had a ward.

0:58:12 > 0:58:17How secretive of him. He grows more interesting hourly.

0:58:17 > 0:58:19I am not sure, however,

0:58:19 > 0:58:23that the news inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight.

0:58:23 > 0:58:26In fact, if I may speak quite candidly...

0:58:26 > 0:58:28Pray, do.

0:58:28 > 0:58:31I think that whenever one has anything unpleasant to say,

0:58:31 > 0:58:34one should always be quite candid.

0:58:34 > 0:58:38Well, to speak with perfect candour, Cecily,

0:58:38 > 0:58:41I wish that you were fully 42

0:58:41 > 0:58:44and more than usually plain for your age.

0:58:44 > 0:58:48Ernest has a strong, upright nature.

0:58:48 > 0:58:52I beg your pardon, Gwendolen. Did you say Ernest?

0:58:52 > 0:58:53Yes.

0:58:53 > 0:58:56Oh, but it is not Mr Ernest Worthing who is my guardian.

0:58:56 > 0:58:59It is his brother - his elder brother.

0:58:59 > 0:59:03Ernest never mentioned to me that he had a brother.

0:59:03 > 0:59:07I'm sorry to say they have not been on good terms for a long time.

0:59:07 > 0:59:09Ah. That accounts for it.

0:59:09 > 0:59:12Of course, you are quite...quite sure

0:59:12 > 0:59:16that it is not Mr ERNEST Worthing who is your guardian?

0:59:16 > 0:59:18Quite sure.

0:59:18 > 0:59:23In fact...I am going to be his...

0:59:23 > 0:59:26I beg your pardon?

0:59:26 > 0:59:28Dearest Gwendolen,

0:59:28 > 0:59:31there is no reason why I should make a secret of it to you.

0:59:31 > 0:59:34Our little county newspaper is sure to chronicle the fact next week.

0:59:34 > 0:59:40Mr Ernest Worthing and I... are engaged to be married.

0:59:40 > 0:59:44My darling Cecily, I think there must be some slight error.

0:59:44 > 0:59:49Mr Ernest Worthing is engaged to me.

0:59:49 > 0:59:51The announcement will appear in the Morning Post

0:59:51 > 0:59:53on Saturday at the latest.

0:59:53 > 0:59:57I am afraid you must be under some misconception.

0:59:57 > 1:00:02Ernest proposed to me exactly ten minutes ago.

1:00:02 > 1:00:05It is certainly VERY curious.

1:00:05 > 1:00:09For he asked me to be his wife yesterday afternoon at 5.30.

1:00:09 > 1:00:12If you would care to verify the incident, pray, do so.

1:00:12 > 1:00:15I NEVER travel without my diary.

1:00:15 > 1:00:19One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

1:00:19 > 1:00:25I am so sorry, dearest Cecily, if it is any disappointment to you,

1:00:25 > 1:00:28but I'm afraid I have the prior claim.

1:00:28 > 1:00:32It would distress me more than I can say, dearest Gwendolen,

1:00:32 > 1:00:36if it caused you any mental or physical anguish,

1:00:36 > 1:00:40but I feel bound to point out that since Ernest proposed to you,

1:00:40 > 1:00:42he has clearly changed his mind.

1:00:42 > 1:00:46If the poor fellow had been entrapped into any foolish promise,

1:00:46 > 1:00:50I shall consider it my duty to rescue him at once.

1:00:50 > 1:00:52And with a firm hand.

1:00:52 > 1:00:58Whatever unfortunate entanglement my dear boy may have got himself into,

1:00:58 > 1:01:02I will never reproach him with it - AFTER we are married.

1:01:02 > 1:01:06Do you allude to me, Miss Cardew, as an "entanglement"?

1:01:06 > 1:01:08You are presumptuous.

1:01:08 > 1:01:10On an occasion of this kind,

1:01:10 > 1:01:13it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind,

1:01:13 > 1:01:15it becomes a PLEASURE.

1:01:15 > 1:01:19Do you suggest, Miss Fairfax, that I entrapped Ernest into an engagement?

1:01:19 > 1:01:21How DARE you!

1:01:21 > 1:01:24This is no time for wearing the shallow mask of manners.

1:01:24 > 1:01:27When I see a spade, I call it a spade.

1:01:27 > 1:01:31I am glad to say I have never seen a spade.

1:01:31 > 1:01:37It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different.

1:01:37 > 1:01:40Shall I lay tea here as usual, miss?

1:01:40 > 1:01:43Yes. As usual.

1:01:56 > 1:02:01Are there many interesting walks in the vicinity, Miss Cardew?

1:02:01 > 1:02:02Oh, yes, a great many.

1:02:02 > 1:02:05From the top of one hill, one can see five counties.

1:02:05 > 1:02:08Five counties?

1:02:08 > 1:02:10Oh, I don't think I should like that.

1:02:10 > 1:02:12I hate crowds.

1:02:13 > 1:02:16I suppose that is why you live in a town.

1:02:19 > 1:02:22I had no idea there were any flowers in the country.

1:02:22 > 1:02:28Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London.

1:02:28 > 1:02:31May I offer you some tea?

1:02:31 > 1:02:33Thank you.

1:02:33 > 1:02:35Sugar?

1:02:35 > 1:02:41No, thank you. Sugar...is not fashionable any more.

1:02:48 > 1:02:50Cake? Or bread and butter?

1:02:50 > 1:02:52Bread and butter, please. Thank you.

1:02:52 > 1:02:56Cake is rarely seen in the best houses nowadays.

1:02:56 > 1:02:59Hand that...to Miss Fairfax.

1:03:10 > 1:03:13You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar.

1:03:13 > 1:03:16And though I most distinctly asked for bread and butter,

1:03:16 > 1:03:18you have given me CAKE.

1:03:18 > 1:03:22I am known for the gentleness of my disposition

1:03:22 > 1:03:25and the EXTRAORDINARY sweetness of my nature

1:03:25 > 1:03:29but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far.

1:03:29 > 1:03:33To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy

1:03:33 > 1:03:35from the machinations of any other girl,

1:03:35 > 1:03:38there are no lengths to which I would not go.

1:03:38 > 1:03:41From the moment I saw you, I distrusted you.

1:03:41 > 1:03:43I felt that you were false and deceitful.

1:03:43 > 1:03:45I'm never deceived in such matters.

1:03:45 > 1:03:48My first impressions of people are invariably right.

1:03:48 > 1:03:52It seems, Miss Fairfax, that I am trespassing on your valuable time.

1:03:52 > 1:03:56No doubt you have many other calls of a similar character

1:03:56 > 1:03:57to make in the neighbourhood.

1:04:00 > 1:04:02Gwendolen! >

1:04:06 > 1:04:08My own Ernest!

1:04:08 > 1:04:11- Gwendolen, darling! - A moment.

1:04:11 > 1:04:15May I ask if you are engaged to be married to this young lady?

1:04:15 > 1:04:17What, to dear little Cecily? Good heavens, no.

1:04:17 > 1:04:20What put that idea into your pretty head?

1:04:20 > 1:04:21Thank you. You may.

1:04:21 > 1:04:24I knew there must be some misunderstanding, Miss Fairfax.

1:04:24 > 1:04:27The gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist

1:04:27 > 1:04:30is my dear guardian, Mr John Worthing.

1:04:30 > 1:04:32I beg your pardon?

1:04:32 > 1:04:34This is Uncle Jack.

1:04:34 > 1:04:36Jack?! Ohhhh!

1:04:36 > 1:04:38Cecily!

1:04:38 > 1:04:39HERE is Ernest.

1:04:39 > 1:04:42My own love!

1:04:42 > 1:04:43A moment.

1:04:43 > 1:04:47Are you by any chance engaged to be married to this young lady?

1:04:47 > 1:04:49To what young lady?

1:04:49 > 1:04:50Good heavens! Gwendolen!

1:04:50 > 1:04:53Yes, to Good heavens, Gwendolen - I mean, Gwendolen.

1:04:53 > 1:04:54Of course not.

1:04:54 > 1:04:57What could have put that idea into your pretty little head?

1:04:57 > 1:04:59Thank you.

1:04:59 > 1:05:00You may.

1:05:00 > 1:05:03I felt there must be some slight error, Miss Cardew.

1:05:03 > 1:05:05The gentleman who is now embracing you

1:05:05 > 1:05:09is my cousin, Mr Algernon Moncrieff.

1:05:10 > 1:05:12Algernon Moncrieff?

1:05:13 > 1:05:16Are you called Algernon?

1:05:16 > 1:05:18I cannot deny it.

1:05:19 > 1:05:20Oh!

1:05:21 > 1:05:24Is your name really John?

1:05:24 > 1:05:27I could deny it - I could deny anything if I liked -

1:05:27 > 1:05:29but my name certainly is John.

1:05:29 > 1:05:32A gross deception has been practised on both of us.

1:05:32 > 1:05:35My poor, wounded Cecily.

1:05:35 > 1:05:38My sweet, wronged Gwendolen.

1:05:38 > 1:05:41You WILL call me "sister", will you not?

1:05:44 > 1:05:47There is just one question I would like to ask my guardian.

1:05:47 > 1:05:49An admirable idea.

1:05:49 > 1:05:53Mr Worthing, there is just one question I would like to put to you.

1:05:53 > 1:05:54Where is your brother Ernest?

1:05:54 > 1:05:58We are both engaged to be married to your brother Ernest

1:05:58 > 1:06:00so it is a matter of some importance

1:06:00 > 1:06:04to know where your brother Ernest is at present.

1:06:04 > 1:06:06Gwendolen. And Cecily.

1:06:06 > 1:06:10I will tell you quite frankly... that I have no brother Ernest.

1:06:10 > 1:06:12I've no brother at all.

1:06:12 > 1:06:14No brother at all?!

1:06:14 > 1:06:16None.

1:06:16 > 1:06:18Have you never had a brother of any kind?

1:06:18 > 1:06:20Never. Not even of any kind.

1:06:20 > 1:06:23I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily,

1:06:23 > 1:06:27that neither of us is engaged to be married to anyone.

1:06:27 > 1:06:30It is not a very pleasant position

1:06:30 > 1:06:34for a young girl suddenly to find herself in, is it?

1:06:34 > 1:06:36Let us go into the house.

1:06:36 > 1:06:39They will hardly venture to come after us there.

1:06:39 > 1:06:43No. Men are such cowards, aren't they?

1:06:51 > 1:06:53This ghastly state of affairs

1:06:53 > 1:06:55is what you would call Bunburying, I suppose?

1:06:55 > 1:06:58Yes. The most wonderful Bunbury I ever had in my life.

1:06:58 > 1:07:02The only small satisfaction I get from this whole wretched business

1:07:02 > 1:07:05is that your friend Bunbury, Algy, is quite exploded.

1:07:05 > 1:07:07And a very good thing too.

1:07:07 > 1:07:10Your brother is a little off-colour, isn't he, Jack?

1:07:10 > 1:07:11And not a bad thing either.

1:07:11 > 1:07:15As for you deceiving a sweet, innocent girl like Miss Cardew,

1:07:15 > 1:07:17I can only say that... it's inexcusable.

1:07:17 > 1:07:19Saying nothing of her being my ward.

1:07:19 > 1:07:21I can see no defence for your deceiving

1:07:21 > 1:07:24a clever, experienced young lady like Miss Fairfax,

1:07:24 > 1:07:26to say nothing of her being my cousin.

1:07:26 > 1:07:28I simply wanted to be engaged to Gwendolen.

1:07:28 > 1:07:29I love her.

1:07:29 > 1:07:33I simply wanted to be engaged to Cecily. I adore her.

1:07:33 > 1:07:35You will never marry Miss Cardew.

1:07:35 > 1:07:38There is no likelihood of you and Miss Fairfax being united.

1:07:38 > 1:07:40TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

1:07:40 > 1:07:42Guard!

1:07:42 > 1:07:45Will you be good enough to inform me

1:07:45 > 1:07:49how soon this... railway train arrives at Woolton?

1:07:49 > 1:07:52Now, let me see.

1:07:52 > 1:07:56There's Garthrington - no, we passed there.

1:07:56 > 1:08:02Then there's Gooseley Halt... Sopley...Cobblers Corner...

1:08:02 > 1:08:07Combe Brisset...High Totham... Low Totham...

1:08:07 > 1:08:09How you can sit there,

1:08:09 > 1:08:12calmly eating muffins when we're in this terrible trouble,

1:08:12 > 1:08:15I can't imagine. You seem perfectly heartless.

1:08:15 > 1:08:17I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner -

1:08:17 > 1:08:19butter would get on my cuffs.

1:08:19 > 1:08:22One should always eat muffins quite calmly - it's the only way.

1:08:22 > 1:08:25It's perfectly heartless to eat them at all!

1:08:25 > 1:08:29When I'm in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles me.

1:08:35 > 1:08:37They are eating muffins!

1:08:37 > 1:08:39I wish to goodness you would go.

1:08:39 > 1:08:41But I've just made arrangements with Dr Chasuble

1:08:41 > 1:08:43to be christened at six o'clock as Ernest.

1:08:43 > 1:08:45I've made arrangements with Dr Chasuble myself

1:08:45 > 1:08:47to be christened at 5.30.

1:08:47 > 1:08:49I naturally will take the name Ernest.

1:08:49 > 1:08:51I have a perfect right to be christened.

1:08:51 > 1:08:54There's no evidence I was ever christened by anyone.

1:08:54 > 1:08:56- You've been christened already. - But not for years.

1:08:56 > 1:08:59But you HAVE been christened. That is the important thing.

1:08:59 > 1:09:02Quite so. So I know my constitution can stand it.

1:09:02 > 1:09:04It might make you very unwell.

1:09:04 > 1:09:07You can't have forgotten that someone closely connected with you

1:09:07 > 1:09:09was nearly carried off by a severe chill.

1:09:09 > 1:09:12You talk as if a severe chill were hereditary.

1:09:12 > 1:09:14It usen't to be but it may be now.

1:09:14 > 1:09:17Science is always making wonderful improvements in things.

1:09:22 > 1:09:23They are looking this way.

1:09:23 > 1:09:25What effrontery.

1:09:25 > 1:09:27They are approaching!

1:09:27 > 1:09:29That is very forward of them.

1:09:29 > 1:09:33Let us preserve... a dignified silence.

1:09:33 > 1:09:36Certainly. It is the only thing to do now.

1:09:38 > 1:09:41MEN SING >

1:09:41 > 1:09:43THEY SING: "La Donna E Mobile"

1:09:58 > 1:10:02Mr Worthing, I have something very particular to ask you.

1:10:02 > 1:10:04MUCH depends on your reply.

1:10:04 > 1:10:07Your common sense is invaluable, Gwendolen.

1:10:07 > 1:10:10Mr Moncrieff, kindly answer me the following question.

1:10:10 > 1:10:13Why did you pretend to be my guardian's brother?

1:10:13 > 1:10:16In order that I might have an opportunity of meeting you.

1:10:17 > 1:10:21That certainly seems a satisfactory explanation, does it not?

1:10:21 > 1:10:23Yes, dear, if you believe it.

1:10:23 > 1:10:26Mr Worthing, what explanation can you offer me

1:10:26 > 1:10:28for pretending to have a brother?

1:10:28 > 1:10:30Was it to have an opportunity

1:10:30 > 1:10:33of coming up to town to see me as often as possible?

1:10:33 > 1:10:36Can you doubt it, Miss Fairfax?

1:10:36 > 1:10:40I have the gravest doubts on the subject

1:10:40 > 1:10:43but I intend to crush them.

1:10:43 > 1:10:47Their explanations appear to have the stamp of truth.

1:10:47 > 1:10:49Especially Mr Worthing's.

1:10:49 > 1:10:52I am more than content with what Mr Moncrieff has said.

1:10:52 > 1:10:57His voice alone inspires one with absolute credulity.

1:10:57 > 1:11:00Then you think we should forgive them?

1:11:00 > 1:11:02Yes.

1:11:02 > 1:11:03I mean no!

1:11:03 > 1:11:06True. I had forgotten.

1:11:06 > 1:11:09There are principles at stake that one cannot surrender.

1:11:09 > 1:11:13Which of us should tell them? The task is not pleasant.

1:11:13 > 1:11:16- Could we not both speak together? - An excellent idea!

1:11:16 > 1:11:19I nearly always speak when other people are speaking.

1:11:19 > 1:11:21Will you take the time from me?

1:11:21 > 1:11:25BOTH: Your Christian names are still an insuperable barrier.

1:11:25 > 1:11:26That is all.

1:11:27 > 1:11:29BOTH: Our Christian names? Is that all?

1:11:29 > 1:11:32But we're going to be christened this afternoon!

1:11:32 > 1:11:35For my sake you are prepared to do this terrible thing?

1:11:35 > 1:11:37I am.

1:11:37 > 1:11:42To please me, you are ready to face this fearful ordeal?

1:11:42 > 1:11:43I am.

1:11:43 > 1:11:47How absurd to talk of the equality of the sexes!

1:11:47 > 1:11:50Where questions of self-sacrifice are concerned,

1:11:50 > 1:11:53men are infinitely beyond us.

1:11:54 > 1:11:55BOTH: We are.

1:11:57 > 1:12:00- Darling! - (Darling!)

1:12:03 > 1:12:04Gwendolen!

1:12:06 > 1:12:07What does this mean?

1:12:07 > 1:12:11Merely that I am engaged to Mr Worthing, Mama.

1:12:12 > 1:12:14Come here.

1:12:14 > 1:12:16Sit down. >

1:12:16 > 1:12:18Sit down immediately! >

1:12:21 > 1:12:24Mr Worthing, you will clearly understand

1:12:24 > 1:12:28that all communication between yourself and my daughter

1:12:28 > 1:12:31must cease immediately from this moment.

1:12:31 > 1:12:35On this, as indeed on all points, I am firm.

1:12:35 > 1:12:38I am engaged to be married to Gwendolen, Lady Bracknell.

1:12:38 > 1:12:42You are nothing of the kind, sir.

1:12:43 > 1:12:45And now, as regards Algernon.

1:12:47 > 1:12:48- < Algernon? - Yes, Aunt Augusta.

1:12:48 > 1:12:51May I ask if it is in this house

1:12:51 > 1:12:55that your invalid friend Mr Bunbury resides?

1:12:55 > 1:12:57Oh, no, Bunbury doesn't live here.

1:12:57 > 1:13:00Bunbury is somewhere else at present.

1:13:00 > 1:13:01In fact, Bunbury is dead.

1:13:02 > 1:13:05Dead? When did Mr Bunbury die?

1:13:05 > 1:13:08Oh, I killed Bunbury this afternoon.

1:13:08 > 1:13:10I mean, Bunbury died this afternoon.

1:13:10 > 1:13:12What did he die of?

1:13:12 > 1:13:15Bunbury? Oh, he was quite exploded.

1:13:15 > 1:13:17Exploded?!

1:13:17 > 1:13:21Was he a victim of a revolutionary outrage?

1:13:21 > 1:13:24My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out.

1:13:24 > 1:13:27The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live.

1:13:27 > 1:13:30- So Bunbury died. - < Hmm.

1:13:30 > 1:13:34And now that we have finally got rid of this Mr Bunbury...

1:13:34 > 1:13:38may I ask Mr Worthing, who is that young person

1:13:38 > 1:13:41whose hand my nephew Algernon is holding

1:13:41 > 1:13:44in what appears to me to be a peculiarly unnecessary manner?

1:13:44 > 1:13:48That lady is Miss Cecily Cardew, my ward.

1:13:48 > 1:13:51I am engaged to be married to Cecily, Aunt Augusta.

1:13:51 > 1:13:53I beg your pardon?

1:13:53 > 1:13:58Mr Moncrieff and I are engaged to be married, Lady Bracknell.

1:13:58 > 1:14:00Indeed?

1:14:00 > 1:14:05I think some preliminary inquiry on my part would not be out of place.

1:14:05 > 1:14:09Mr Worthing, is Miss Cardew at all connected

1:14:09 > 1:14:13with any of the larger railway stations in London?

1:14:13 > 1:14:16I merely require information.

1:14:16 > 1:14:21Until yesterday, I had no idea there were any families or persons

1:14:21 > 1:14:23whose origin was a terminus.

1:14:23 > 1:14:27Miss Cardew is the granddaughter of the late Mr Thomas Cardew

1:14:27 > 1:14:31of 149 Belgrave Square, South-West,

1:14:31 > 1:14:33Gervase Park, Dorking, Surrey,

1:14:33 > 1:14:35and the Sporran, Fifeshire.

1:14:35 > 1:14:38That sounds not unsatisfactory.

1:14:38 > 1:14:43Three addresses always inspire confidence, even in tradesmen.

1:14:43 > 1:14:46But what proof have I of their authenticity?

1:14:46 > 1:14:49I have carefully preserved the Court Guides of the period.

1:14:49 > 1:14:51They are open for your inspection.

1:14:51 > 1:14:55I have known strange errors in that publication.

1:14:55 > 1:15:00Miss Cardew's family solicitors are Messrs Markby, Markby and Markby.

1:15:00 > 1:15:03Oh, Markby, Markby and Markby?

1:15:03 > 1:15:06A firm of the very highest position in their profession.

1:15:06 > 1:15:08I have also in my possession

1:15:08 > 1:15:11certificates of Miss Cardew's birth, baptism, whooping cough,

1:15:11 > 1:15:16registration, vaccination, confirmation and the measles -

1:15:16 > 1:15:18the German and the English variety.

1:15:18 > 1:15:21A life crowded with incident, I see,

1:15:21 > 1:15:23but somewhat too exciting for a young girl.

1:15:23 > 1:15:27Gwendolen, the time approaches for our departure.

1:15:27 > 1:15:30We have not a moment to lose.

1:15:31 > 1:15:34As a matter of form, Mr Worthing,

1:15:34 > 1:15:38I had better ask if Miss Cardew has any little fortune.

1:15:38 > 1:15:40Oh...only about...

1:15:40 > 1:15:45£130,000 in the Funds, that is all.

1:15:45 > 1:15:48Goodbye, Lady Bracknell. So pleased to have seen you.

1:15:48 > 1:15:51One moment, Mr Worthing.

1:15:51 > 1:15:55£130,000 and in the Funds.

1:15:55 > 1:15:59Miss Cardew seems a most attractive young lady now that I look at her.

1:15:59 > 1:16:04Few girls of the present day have any really solid qualities,

1:16:04 > 1:16:07qualities that last and improve with time.

1:16:07 > 1:16:12We live, I regret to say, in an age of surfaces.

1:16:12 > 1:16:14Come over here, dear.

1:16:17 > 1:16:20Pretty child, your dress is sadly simple

1:16:20 > 1:16:24and your hair seems almost as nature might have left it

1:16:24 > 1:16:26but we can soon alter that.

1:16:26 > 1:16:28A thoroughly experienced French maid

1:16:28 > 1:16:32produces a really remarkable result in a very brief space of time.

1:16:32 > 1:16:36There are distinct social possibilities in your profile.

1:16:36 > 1:16:39Cecily is the dearest, sweetest, prettiest girl in the world

1:16:39 > 1:16:42and I don't care two pins for social possibilities.

1:16:42 > 1:16:45Never speak disrespectfully of society, Algernon.

1:16:45 > 1:16:48Only people who can't get into it do that.

1:16:48 > 1:16:53I suppose you know that Algernon has nothing but his debts to depend upon.

1:16:53 > 1:16:56But I do not approve of mercenary marriages.

1:16:56 > 1:17:00When I married Lord Bracknell I had no fortune of any kind

1:17:00 > 1:17:03but I never dreamed of allowing that to stand in my way.

1:17:03 > 1:17:07Well...I suppose I must give my consent.

1:17:08 > 1:17:09Thank you, Aunt Augusta.

1:17:09 > 1:17:11Cecily, you may kiss me.

1:17:11 > 1:17:13Thank you, Lady Bracknell.

1:17:13 > 1:17:17And you may address me as Aunt Augusta for the future.

1:17:17 > 1:17:19Thank you, Aunt Augusta.

1:17:19 > 1:17:22The marriage, I think, had better take place quite soon.

1:17:22 > 1:17:24BOTH: Thank you, Aunt Augusta!

1:17:24 > 1:17:26To speak frankly,

1:17:26 > 1:17:29I am not in favour of long engagements.

1:17:29 > 1:17:30They give people an opportunity

1:17:30 > 1:17:33of finding out each other's characters before marriage,

1:17:33 > 1:17:35which I think is never advisable.

1:17:35 > 1:17:38I beg your pardon for interrupting, Lady Bracknell,

1:17:38 > 1:17:41but this engagement is quite out of the question.

1:17:41 > 1:17:45I am Miss Cardew's guardian and she cannot marry without my consent.

1:17:45 > 1:17:48That consent I absolutely decline to give.

1:17:48 > 1:17:50Upon what grounds, may I ask?

1:17:50 > 1:17:52Algernon is an extremely...

1:17:52 > 1:17:56one might almost say ostentatiously eligible young man.

1:17:56 > 1:17:58He has nothing and looks everything.

1:17:58 > 1:18:00What more could one desire?

1:18:00 > 1:18:03It pains me very much to speak frankly about your nephew

1:18:03 > 1:18:07but I do not approve at all of his moral character.

1:18:07 > 1:18:10- I suspect him of being untruthful. - Untruthful?!

1:18:10 > 1:18:13My nephew Algernon untruthful?

1:18:13 > 1:18:16Impossible! He was at Oxford.

1:18:16 > 1:18:19I fear there can no possible doubt about the matter.

1:18:19 > 1:18:22This afternoon during my temporary absence in London,

1:18:22 > 1:18:26on an important question of...romance,

1:18:26 > 1:18:28he obtained admission to my house

1:18:28 > 1:18:31by means of the false pretence of being my brother.

1:18:31 > 1:18:34Under an assumed name, he drank, my butler just informed me,

1:18:34 > 1:18:38an entire pint bottle of Perrier-Jouet Brut '89 -

1:18:38 > 1:18:40a wine I was especially reserving for myself.

1:18:40 > 1:18:42Continuing his disgraceful deception,

1:18:42 > 1:18:45he succeeded during the course of the afternoon

1:18:45 > 1:18:47in alienating the affections of my only ward.

1:18:47 > 1:18:51He subsequently stayed to tea and devoured every single muffin

1:18:51 > 1:18:55and what makes his conduct heartless is he was aware I have no brother,

1:18:55 > 1:19:00that I never had a brother and don't intend to...not of any kind.

1:19:00 > 1:19:02Mm-hm!

1:19:04 > 1:19:06Mr Worthing,

1:19:06 > 1:19:09after careful consideration,

1:19:09 > 1:19:13I have decided entirely to overlook my nephew's conduct toward you.

1:19:13 > 1:19:16That is very generous of you, Lady Bracknell.

1:19:16 > 1:19:18My own decision, however, is unalterable.

1:19:18 > 1:19:20I decline to give my consent.

1:19:22 > 1:19:23Come here, sweet child.

1:19:26 > 1:19:28How old are you?

1:19:28 > 1:19:30Well, I'm really only 18,

1:19:30 > 1:19:33but I always admit to 20 at evening parties.

1:19:33 > 1:19:36You are perfectly right to make some slight alteration.

1:19:36 > 1:19:39A woman should never be really accurate about her age.

1:19:39 > 1:19:42It looks so calculating.

1:19:42 > 1:19:4518, admitting to 20 at evening parties.

1:19:45 > 1:19:50Well, you will soon be of age and free from the restraints of tutelage

1:19:50 > 1:19:54so I do not think your guardian's consent is a matter of importance.

1:19:54 > 1:19:57Pray excuse me for interrupting again, Lady Bracknell,

1:19:57 > 1:20:01but it is only fair to note that according to her grandfather's will,

1:20:01 > 1:20:05Miss Cardew does not legally come of age until she is 35.

1:20:05 > 1:20:09That does not seem to be a very grave objection.

1:20:09 > 1:20:1235 is a very attractive age.

1:20:12 > 1:20:15London society is full of women of the highest birth

1:20:15 > 1:20:19who of their own free choice have remained 35 for years.

1:20:19 > 1:20:21Lady Dumbleton is an instance in point.

1:20:21 > 1:20:26To my own knowledge, she's been 35 since she arrived at the age of 40,

1:20:26 > 1:20:28which is many years ago now.

1:20:28 > 1:20:31I see no reason why our dear Cecily

1:20:31 > 1:20:36should not be even more attractive then than the age she is at present.

1:20:36 > 1:20:40There will be a large accumulation of property.

1:20:40 > 1:20:42Algy...

1:20:42 > 1:20:45could you wait for me till I was 35?

1:20:45 > 1:20:48Of course I could, Cecily. You know I could.

1:20:48 > 1:20:51Yes, I felt that...instinctively.

1:20:52 > 1:20:55- But I couldn't wait all that time! - But, Cecily...

1:20:55 > 1:20:57My dear Mr Worthing,

1:20:57 > 1:21:01as Miss Cardew states positively that she cannot wait until she is 35 -

1:21:01 > 1:21:06a remark which I am bound to say seems to show a somewhat impatient nature -

1:21:06 > 1:21:09I would beg of you to reconsider your decision.

1:21:09 > 1:21:13But, my dear Lady Bracknell, the matter is entirely in your hands.

1:21:13 > 1:21:16The moment you consent to my marrying Gwendolen,

1:21:16 > 1:21:19I will gladly allow your nephew to form an alliance with my ward.

1:21:19 > 1:21:23That is not the destiny I propose for Gwendolen.

1:21:23 > 1:21:25Algernon, of course, can choose for himself.

1:21:25 > 1:21:30Come, dear. We've already missed five, if not six, trains.

1:21:30 > 1:21:33To miss any more might expose us to comment on the platform.

1:21:33 > 1:21:37Everything is quite ready for the christenings.

1:21:38 > 1:21:41The christenings, sir?

1:21:41 > 1:21:43Is not this somewhat premature?

1:21:43 > 1:21:45Er...both these gentlemen

1:21:45 > 1:21:47have expressed their desire for immediate baptism.

1:21:47 > 1:21:49At THEIR age?!

1:21:49 > 1:21:52The idea is grotesque and irreligious.

1:21:52 > 1:21:55Algernon, I forbid you to be baptised.

1:21:55 > 1:21:57I will not hear of such excesses.

1:21:58 > 1:21:59Am I to understand

1:21:59 > 1:22:03there are to be no christenings at all this afternoon?

1:22:03 > 1:22:06I don't think that with things as they are, Dr Chasuble,

1:22:06 > 1:22:10they will be much practical value to either of us.

1:22:10 > 1:22:13As your present mood seems to be one peculiarly secular,

1:22:13 > 1:22:15I will return to the church at once.

1:22:15 > 1:22:19I've just been informed Miss Prism has been waiting for me.

1:22:19 > 1:22:20Miss Prism?

1:22:21 > 1:22:25Did I hear you mention a Miss Prism?

1:22:25 > 1:22:28Yes, indeed. I am on my way to join her.

1:22:28 > 1:22:30Kindly allow me to detain you for one moment.

1:22:30 > 1:22:35Is this Miss Prism a female of repellent aspect

1:22:35 > 1:22:38remotely connected with education?

1:22:38 > 1:22:41She is the most cultivated of ladies

1:22:41 > 1:22:43and the very picture of respectability.

1:22:43 > 1:22:46It is obviously the same person.

1:22:46 > 1:22:50May I ask what is her position in your household?

1:22:51 > 1:22:54Miss Prism, Lady Bracknell, has for three years

1:22:54 > 1:22:57been Miss Cardew's esteemed governess and valued companion.

1:22:57 > 1:23:00In spite of what I hear of her, I must see her at once.

1:23:00 > 1:23:03Let her be sent for. < MUMBLING

1:23:03 > 1:23:05She approaches. She is nigh!

1:23:05 > 1:23:09I was told you expected me in the vestry, dear Canon.

1:23:09 > 1:23:12I have been waiting for you there for an hour and three quarters!

1:23:12 > 1:23:14Prism!

1:23:17 > 1:23:19Come here, Prism.

1:23:24 > 1:23:27Prism, where is that baby?

1:23:30 > 1:23:3428 years ago, Prism, you left Lord Bracknell's house

1:23:34 > 1:23:39in charge of a perambulator containing an infant of the male sex.

1:23:39 > 1:23:41You never returned.

1:23:41 > 1:23:43Some few weeks later,

1:23:43 > 1:23:46the perambulator was discovered at midnight

1:23:46 > 1:23:51standing by itself in a remote corner of Bayswater.

1:23:51 > 1:23:55It contained the manuscript of a three-volume novel

1:23:55 > 1:23:58of a more than usually revolting sentimentality.

1:23:58 > 1:24:02- Oh! - But the baby was not there.

1:24:02 > 1:24:06Prism, where is that baby?

1:24:07 > 1:24:10WHERE is that baby, Prism?

1:24:13 > 1:24:15Lady Bracknell...

1:24:15 > 1:24:18I admit, with shame, that I do not know.

1:24:18 > 1:24:20I only wish I did.

1:24:21 > 1:24:25The plain facts of the case are these.

1:24:25 > 1:24:27On the morning of the day you mention,

1:24:27 > 1:24:30a day that is for ever branded on my memory,

1:24:30 > 1:24:34I prepared as usual to take the baby out in its perambulator.

1:24:34 > 1:24:39I had also with me a somewhat old but capacious handbag

1:24:39 > 1:24:43in which I had intended to place the manuscript of a work of fiction

1:24:43 > 1:24:46that I had written during my few unoccupied hours.

1:24:46 > 1:24:48In a moment of mental abstraction,

1:24:48 > 1:24:50for which I never can forgive myself,

1:24:50 > 1:24:54I deposited the manuscript in the bassinet...

1:24:54 > 1:24:57and placed the baby in the handbag!

1:24:57 > 1:25:00- WHERE did you deposit the handbag? - Do not ask me.

1:25:00 > 1:25:02This is a matter of no small importance!

1:25:02 > 1:25:04I insist on knowing where you deposited it!

1:25:04 > 1:25:08I left it in the cloakroom of one of London's larger railway stations.

1:25:08 > 1:25:11What...railway...station?

1:25:11 > 1:25:13Victoria.

1:25:16 > 1:25:18The...Brighton line?

1:25:18 > 1:25:21The Brighton line.

1:25:24 > 1:25:26Gwendolen, wait for me.

1:25:26 > 1:25:29If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

1:25:38 > 1:25:41HEAVY THUDDING ABOVE

1:25:51 > 1:25:53This suspense is terrible!

1:25:56 > 1:25:59- Miss Prism, is this the handbag? - Let me look.

1:26:00 > 1:26:02Examine it carefully before you speak.

1:26:02 > 1:26:05The happiness of more than one life depends on it.

1:26:05 > 1:26:07Thank you.

1:26:07 > 1:26:09It seems to be mine.

1:26:09 > 1:26:11Oh, yes - here is the injury it received

1:26:11 > 1:26:14through the upsetting of a Gower Street omnibus

1:26:14 > 1:26:16in younger and happier days.

1:26:17 > 1:26:19Here is the stain on the lining

1:26:19 > 1:26:22caused by the explosion of a temperance beverage,

1:26:22 > 1:26:24an incident that occurred at Leamington.

1:26:24 > 1:26:26And here on the lock are my initials!

1:26:26 > 1:26:30I had forgotten that in an extravagant mood I had had them done.

1:26:30 > 1:26:31The bag is undoubtedly mine.

1:26:31 > 1:26:34I'm delighted to have it so unexpectedly restored.

1:26:34 > 1:26:37It has been a great inconvenience being without it.

1:26:37 > 1:26:39Miss Prism...

1:26:40 > 1:26:43..more is restored to you than the handbag.

1:26:43 > 1:26:46I am the baby that was placed in it.

1:26:46 > 1:26:50- You?! - Yes.

1:26:50 > 1:26:53- Mother! - Mr Worthing, I am unmarried!

1:26:55 > 1:26:57Unmarried?

1:26:57 > 1:27:00I do not deny that is a serious blow, but...

1:27:00 > 1:27:03who should cast a stone against one who has suffered?

1:27:03 > 1:27:05May not repentance white out an act of folly?

1:27:05 > 1:27:08The law should be the same for men and women!

1:27:08 > 1:27:10Mother, I...I forgive you!

1:27:10 > 1:27:13Mr Worthing, there is some error!

1:27:13 > 1:27:17There is the lady who can tell you who you really are.

1:27:18 > 1:27:22Lady Bracknell, I...hate to seem inquisitive,

1:27:22 > 1:27:26but could you kindly inform me who I really am?

1:27:26 > 1:27:30You are the son of my poor sister, Mrs Moncrieff,

1:27:30 > 1:27:34and consequently Algernon's elder brother.

1:27:35 > 1:27:37Algy's elder brother?

1:27:37 > 1:27:39Then I have a brother after all.

1:27:39 > 1:27:42I knew I did! I always said so.

1:27:42 > 1:27:44Cecily, how could you have doubted it?

1:27:44 > 1:27:46Dr Chasuble - my unfortunate brother.

1:27:46 > 1:27:48Miss Prism - my unfortunate brother.

1:27:48 > 1:27:50Gwendolen - my unfortunate brother.

1:27:50 > 1:27:53Algy, you scoundrel, you'll have to be more respectful now.

1:27:53 > 1:27:55You've never behaved to me like a brother!

1:27:55 > 1:27:58Not till today, old boy, I admit. I tried my best.

1:27:58 > 1:28:02My own! But... but what own are you?

1:28:02 > 1:28:06What is your Christian name now you have become someone else?

1:28:06 > 1:28:09Your decision regarding my Christian name is irrevocable, I suppose?

1:28:09 > 1:28:11I never change, except in my affections.

1:28:11 > 1:28:14What a noble nature you have, Gwendolen.

1:28:14 > 1:28:17Then the question must be cleared up finally.

1:28:17 > 1:28:21Aunt Augusta, at the time when Miss Prism left me in the handbag...

1:28:21 > 1:28:23had I been christened already?

1:28:23 > 1:28:27Every luxury that money could buy, including christening,

1:28:27 > 1:28:31had been lavished on you by your fond and doting parents.

1:28:31 > 1:28:33Then I was christened. That is settled.

1:28:33 > 1:28:37Now...what was my Christian name? Let me know the worst.

1:28:37 > 1:28:41Being the eldest son, you were naturally called after your father.

1:28:41 > 1:28:44Yes, but what was my father's Christian name?

1:28:44 > 1:28:48I cannot for the moment recall what the General's Christian name was.

1:28:48 > 1:28:50I've no doubt he had one.

1:28:50 > 1:28:52He was eccentric, I admit, but only in later years.

1:28:52 > 1:28:55Algy, can't you recollect our father's Christian name?

1:28:55 > 1:29:00We were never on speaking terms. He died before I was a year old.

1:29:00 > 1:29:04Wouldn't his name be on army lists of the period?

1:29:04 > 1:29:08The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life.

1:29:08 > 1:29:12But I've no doubt his name would appear in any military directory.

1:29:17 > 1:29:21The army lists of the last 40 years are here.

1:29:21 > 1:29:24These delightful records should have been my constant study.

1:29:24 > 1:29:27"M" - Generals.

1:29:29 > 1:29:33"Magley...Maxby...Maxbohm..."

1:29:33 > 1:29:35What ghastly names they have!

1:29:35 > 1:29:38"Markby...Migsby...Mobbs...

1:29:39 > 1:29:41"Moncrieff!

1:29:41 > 1:29:44"Lieutenant - 1840, Captain, Lieutenant Colonel, Colonel...

1:29:44 > 1:29:45"General - 1869...

1:29:45 > 1:29:47"..Christian names...

1:29:49 > 1:29:52"Ernest John."

1:29:54 > 1:29:58Gwendolen, I always told you that my name was Ernest, didn't I?

1:29:58 > 1:30:01Ernest! My own Ernest!

1:30:01 > 1:30:05Cecily! At last!

1:30:05 > 1:30:07- Laetitia, at last! - Oh!

1:30:07 > 1:30:09Gwendolen, at last!

1:30:09 > 1:30:15My nephew, you seem to be displaying signs of triviality.

1:30:15 > 1:30:16On the contrary, Aunt Augusta,

1:30:16 > 1:30:19I have realised for the first time in my life

1:30:19 > 1:30:22the vital importance of being earnest!