0:00:09 > 0:00:14Good evening. Good evening, good evening. Hello, chaps.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Thank you for coming.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Now then, we have a long way to go, so...er...
0:00:22 > 0:00:25keep your powder dry.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Righty-ho...settle down, now.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36One, two, three.
0:00:36 > 0:00:43# I'm mad about the boy
0:00:44 > 0:00:50# I know it's stupid to be mad about the boy
0:00:52 > 0:00:55# I'm so ashamed of it But must admit
0:00:55 > 0:00:59# The sleepless nights
0:00:59 > 0:01:03# I've had about the boy
0:01:06 > 0:01:09# On the silver screen
0:01:09 > 0:01:12# He melts my foolish heart
0:01:12 > 0:01:15# In every single scene
0:01:17 > 0:01:19# Although I'm quite aware
0:01:19 > 0:01:23# That here and there are traces
0:01:24 > 0:01:28# Of the cad about the boy
0:01:31 > 0:01:37# And Lord knows, I'm not a fool girl
0:01:38 > 0:01:43# I really shouldn't care
0:01:45 > 0:01:48# Lord knows, I'm not a schoolgirl
0:01:48 > 0:01:57# In the flurry of her first affair
0:01:57 > 0:02:00# Will it ever cloy
0:02:00 > 0:02:06# This odd diversity of misery and joy?
0:02:08 > 0:02:12# I'm feeling quite insane and young again
0:02:12 > 0:02:19# And all because I'm mad about the boy
0:02:34 > 0:02:38# I'm feeling quite insane and young again
0:02:38 > 0:02:40# And a-a-a-a-all
0:02:40 > 0:02:44# Because I'm
0:02:44 > 0:02:50# Mad about the boy. #
0:03:05 > 0:03:06She's the first lady racer.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- But she didn't actually win. - She crossed the line first.
0:03:10 > 0:03:15- It's so exciting.- Not nearly as exciting as crossing your mother.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18I think we can all ignore that.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Oh, what is that man doing?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Jackson! What did I tell you?
0:03:28 > 0:03:33Get the camellias out of the rain and put them by the front door before the guests arrive! Furber.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- Madam?- Salvage any of Jackson's appalling pruning and send it to Mrs Holborough,
0:03:37 > 0:03:41who's kindly offered up a leg of mutton for dinner, which you'll fetch, Marion.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45But Reverend Burton has asked me to drain the font.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47My hands are clearly full.
0:03:47 > 0:03:53- I'll go. Uncle George has posted the most grizzly clippings of the Valentine's Day Massacre!- Hilda.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58Seven terrified men cut down in a hail of automatic gun fire!
0:03:58 > 0:04:04- Made worse by the strays that came to lap the curdled blood.- Hilda...
0:04:04 > 0:04:07The Devil Dogs! The Hounds of Hell!
0:04:07 > 0:04:09The leg of lamb! Now.
0:04:14 > 0:04:20Why we try and marry her off to gentry when plainly she'd prefer an undertaker. Seating.
0:04:20 > 0:04:26I'm putting Sarah on your left and Philip on your right, so please try and make an effort to be civil.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Right. I shall go and brush up on my very small talk.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37It might be an awkward meal. For all we know, Sarah's grazing in greener pastures.
0:04:37 > 0:04:42Whilst your brother sows his wild oats in the South of France with his floozy? No.
0:04:42 > 0:04:47We'll keep the home fires burning until his highness wanders home.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Hmm. Like Father did?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Yes. Like Father did.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03I've got news!
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- You all right, sir?- No. Are you?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- Coping, sir.- Hear, hear. Well done.
0:05:10 > 0:05:15Well done? They look like they're waiting for a firing squad. Can't you make them more relaxed?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Last meal and a cigarette, perhaps?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21I can't believe it. You'll never guess.
0:05:21 > 0:05:27Houdini escaped the Chinese water torture only to die of a burst appendix. How ghastly!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Oh, and Mother's got a telegram.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34"Mr and Mrs Whittaker". Your mother.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39- What's it say, Father?- Perhaps your mother should read this first.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44Oh! That stupid, stupid, stupid boy!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47What's happened? Has there been an accident?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50It's John, he's married that f-f-f...
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Francophile? Photographer?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- Pharmacist?- Why are you smirking?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Deploying a smile. One member of this family may actually be happy.
0:05:57 > 0:06:02Don't be absurd! We don't know anything about this woman. Furber!
0:06:02 > 0:06:09- Furber! Oh, not again! - Madam.- Lord have mercy.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Mister John is coming home with his...with his wife.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Their bags have just arrived. Congratulations, Madam.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- I'll be the judge of that. Clear up this mess and get Cook to send up a ham.- This is from Dover.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22- They'll be half way here. - Yes, Furber. Dress the mutton as ham.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Very sharp, don't cut yourself.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27John married the floozy. How exciting!
0:06:40 > 0:06:44# A room with a view and you
0:06:44 > 0:06:47# And no-one to worry us
0:06:47 > 0:06:50# No-one to hurry us through
0:06:50 > 0:06:54# This dream we found... #
0:06:55 > 0:07:01- There she blows. Behold the country cottage.- Oh, Lord, it's enormous.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06- So, I lied about gingerbread hedges and obese little children. - How hard to swim is the moat?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Smoke and mirrors, darling.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Smoke and mirrors.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Oh, by the by, smoking - don't.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Apparently it wilts the azaleas.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20- That makes no sense. Speak English. - All will be revealed, darling.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Oh, give me back the wheel of my car. I'm going back to Detroit!
0:07:31 > 0:07:35How romantic! Here they come!
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Oh, Furber!
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- Mister John and his wife are about to arrive.- I can't see them.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Your tunnel vision.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Ooh!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- Smile, Marion. - I don't feel like smiling.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54You're English, dear, fake it.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06The prodigal son returns in a blaze of gravel.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Father! You shaved.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Welcome, madam.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18You look gorgeous.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20It's so lovely to see you.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Oh, darling. Sorry, sorry!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Mother, this is my wife, Larita.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Mrs Whittaker, the pleasure is all mine.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40- Oh, you're American. - And very welcome. Jim Whittaker. - This is my father.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42I fought alongside many of your countrymen, Larita,
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- and I must say it's an honour to have a comrade in the family. - Thank you.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I do hope I'm not a disappointment.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52- Far from it.- And my two little blisters Hilda and Marion.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Aren't you the woman who won the Grand Prix?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57First place, before disqualification.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Apparently you need chest hair to change gears in Monaco.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I saw you in the paper.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05I cut your head out. I could just die!
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Furber, that suitcase to the drawing room, and do be careful.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Marion. Golly, you're not a bit like what we imagined.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Somewhat older, I expect. Awfully sorry about that.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Before the frostbite sets in...
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I'm looking forward to getting acquainted with the mother of my "Panda".
0:09:25 > 0:09:29You'll find me quite uncomplicated, I'm afraid.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Oh! What are you doing?
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Carrying you over the finish line.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- Venus de Milo meet my Venus Detroit. - Hello.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45- Mother's turned our old nursery into a boudoir.- I wouldn't exactly call it a boudoir, Hilda.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Marvellous. All those grubby memories of Little Johnnie.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51We had no time to raid the hothouse.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I only hope we can make you comfortable.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Don't go to any trouble. We're only staying a few days.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- Aren't we, Johnnie?- Of course.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03And for our next surprise...
0:10:07 > 0:10:09What on earth is that?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14His master's voice! A wedding gift from us to you all.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17How divine! You should've got married years ago!
0:10:19 > 0:10:24# Another June Another sunny honeymoon
0:10:24 > 0:10:28# Another season, another reason
0:10:28 > 0:10:29# For making whoopee... #
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Come on, little blister. Twirl for me.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Oh, a Continental education. Not all of us have been so fortunate.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48An emotional depiction of the French postal service, Mrs Whittaker.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Come now, not Mrs Whittaker. It's Mother now.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I don't think we're quite ready for that yet.
0:10:54 > 0:10:59Since time is so clearly against us, why don't you show Larita up to the nursery?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Dinner's at eight.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07- You didn't tell them? - One bombshell at a time, darling. - That's not fair! Your poor mother.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09How long are we staying?
0:11:09 > 0:11:15A few days? I shoulder the shortcomings of this family and what do I get in return?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17A few days! Look at her.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19What am I supposed to do with the bauble of a woman?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- Hang her?- I think she's splendid.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Do you, Hilda? Well, we can all relax(!)
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- She's not what I expected. - She's exactly what I expected.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- Surely not exactly? She wasn't drunk.- Oh, very funny, Jim.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Reduce this to the burlesque. - She looks so expensive!
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- Very.- Hmm. I like her.- Yes, Jim.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39We all know what you like.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Mother!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Oh, we have all been sent to our wombs.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53And so toasty.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Economics in action. She keeps half the house closed to save on heating.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00That explains the frosty reception.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Well, darling. Let me warm you up.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18LAUGHTER
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- Well? - She's lovely, I'm very proud of you.
0:12:28 > 0:12:33- Thanks, Father. - John? How long is a few days?
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Mother, Larita and I would like to find a home in London.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- But this is your home! - A home of their own.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44But Panda, we need you here.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Since you went off around the Riviera, we've had to let go of six more people.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51If you'd just listened to me and taken on some machinery.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Wouldn't that be a good idea? I could run the entire estate single-handedly.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Congratulations on your insight and your spontaneity.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Sarah and Philip are coming to dinner, and I have got a table plan
0:13:01 > 0:13:03that will take the League Of Nations to unravel.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08- Tonight? That's absolutely splendid! - Don't be so fickle in your affections.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12- Sarah might not be as accommodating as you expect.- Codswallop.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17She'll be delighted. If mother was so desperate for her hand in marriage, she should've asked herself!
0:13:17 > 0:13:25- Strange as it may seem, I agree with your sister.- I think you're wrong. - On certain things, yes. Call her.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- Really?- Really.- Really.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Really. If Edgar were here, he'd do the manly thing.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33What? Run away?
0:13:38 > 0:13:39Here they come!
0:13:53 > 0:13:55And the chequered flag goes to...
0:13:55 > 0:14:00- Fast work, John!- I should've written, but it happened so fast, I didn't know where I was.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05- In Larita's arms, it seems. - Please don't be disappointed. - Of course I'm disappointed.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10But tell me you're happy, and I'll tell you you're forgiven.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15- You're the top, you're Mahatma Gandhi!- Panda, don't break out the brandy just yet.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17The hell we're not.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21- Have I missed something? - Let sleeping cows stand.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Oh, you plonker! - Rule one, push sleeping cow.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Rule two, get out of the way.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Rule three, remember rule two.
0:14:31 > 0:14:36Sarah! It's so lovely to see you. I hear your poor father is not having a good day.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I'm afraid not. He sends his love.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42You are a jolly good sport, turning up like this, that's all I can say.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I wouldn't miss it for the world.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- Larita is such a pretty name.- Yes.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Excellent for musical comedy. Hilda!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I hear the cow's in a terrible way. I've sent flowers.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54And did she eat them? Touche!
0:14:54 > 0:14:58- Good evening to you all.- Nobody told me tonight was fancy dress!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Then why have you come as the village idiot?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05I think I'm snagged.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Let me help you with that.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Holy Mother!
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Panda?
0:15:15 > 0:15:19You're forgiven...tenfold.
0:15:23 > 0:15:29Sarah Hurst, I'd like to introduce my wife, Larita Whittaker.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Gosh, I do like the sound of that.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Sarah...finally. Johnnie talks about you constantly.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38How very annoying for you.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I hope we can be friends.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43We already are. Congratulations.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- Er...I'd like to be friends, too. - Larita, my tiresome brother...
0:15:47 > 0:15:50The dishonourable Philip Hurst.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- Charmed, my dear lady.- Indeed.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Philip, won't you escort me in?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Of course, my beautiful, little Sausage Fingers.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01That's whet my appetite. Shall we adjourn to the dining room?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03And toast my beautiful bride.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Had we known there was to be a wedding reception, we could have all lashed out on taffeta!
0:16:07 > 0:16:12She's a lot like drowning - quite pleasant once you stop struggling.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15So, John, was Larita's family able to attend the wedding?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24More cabbage, Madam?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26There's lots to do, Larita. You ride, don't you?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Boats, cars or planes?
0:16:29 > 0:16:30No, horses, silly!
0:16:30 > 0:16:35Ah, yes, horses. Faulty steering and unreliable brakes.
0:16:35 > 0:16:40- I'm stealing that for Stirrup Cup! - Stirrup what?- Cup.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Every November, Philip and Sarah's family host the hunt.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Wait until you meet their father, Lord Hurst, he's terrific.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- And Lady Hurst? - Was terrific, until she...stopped.
0:16:50 > 0:16:56- Stopped what?- Living. - Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01Between father's polio and Philip's mania for tipping cows...
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Can we please just drop the cows?
0:17:03 > 0:17:07I think we'll give the fox a break this year.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Oh, no hunt? Mrs Winston gave me her saddle. I've had a wax.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Your father and I conspired to make John the Master Of The Hunt.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19People come from far and wide. It's such a shame to disappoint them.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Very thoughtful, Mother.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23You do hunt, I take it, Larita?
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- Hypocrites, gossips or defenceless animals?- Bravo!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29You wouldn't get her to the start.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33We have another conscientious objector, Father.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Company! Do you object to the circus or the slaughter, Major?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- I support Sheppard's position on pacifism.- Good for you.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44So, when does the carnage begin?
0:17:44 > 0:17:49After the War Widow's Revue, but before the craft fair, in between the Dog Show and the shoot.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54Don't forget the highlight, Mother's Christmas dance is the hot ticket.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57She's ordered the most exquisite Japanese lanterns.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- From Japan?- No, Fortnum & Mason's. - Oh, yes.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Prepare for a whirlwind, Larita.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I'm breathless already.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- I won't make it to Christmas. - You won't need to.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I won't make it to breakfast! What were we just eating?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17The lumpy grey and beige concoction?
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Oh, yes. That's the word I was looking for..."greige".
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Absolutely no idea. But it is the speciality of the house.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- Incoming! Have you met my namesake? He's very good in bed.- Shh!
0:18:29 > 0:18:31- They'll hear you.- I don't care.
0:18:31 > 0:18:36- I do.- I know we need the heat, but please don't smoke in here.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Mother's clairvoyant about these things.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41She loathes me, Johnnie.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45I'm a gold-digger, burrowing in from the land of opportunists.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Your father's an interesting study, Quietly sardonic. I like that in a man.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54That won't earn you many brownie points under this roof.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58After the Armistice, Father didn't come straight home.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02He caroused around France and Italy, drinking, having affairs.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05A lot of men did similar...couldn't settle down.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Why didn't she go after him?
0:19:07 > 0:19:11A question of pride. He finally just wandered home.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Still a bit of a sore point. We try not to speak about it.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Except in public. You see, she feels she's missed out on something.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Which means, of course, she's missed out on everything.
0:19:22 > 0:19:28Exactly. The war robbed her of all her expectations. She takes one look at a woman like you...
0:19:28 > 0:19:31The harlot stealing into the nursery.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34The delicious concubine
0:19:34 > 0:19:37with the delectable ears...
0:19:37 > 0:19:39nose...
0:19:39 > 0:19:42neck.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45I could just...eat you.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48After that meal, I'm not surprised.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35MUFFLED MOANS
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Dear Lord, thank you for bringing John and his floozy home safely.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55MUFFLED MOANS
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Why is Larita always so late?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- You can't hurry perfection. - Edgar was never late for a meal.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12He's missed a few lately.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Good morning. How are we all on this glorious day?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19There she is! Morning, darling.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25What would madam like for breakfast?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28I think Madam will get more sustenance from a kipper.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30But it won't be as much fun.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Aren't you riding with us?
0:21:32 > 0:21:38Darling, I think it's about high time that your mother and I have an intimate tete a tete.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Just us girls.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43- Lovely.- What a frightening thought.
0:21:46 > 0:21:53Two hemispheres under one roof. Papua New Guinea, India, the Argentine.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59I may not have travelled, but the world has come to me.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Are you coming down with something?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Pollen. But if I hold my breath long enough...
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- How peculiar.- Which is why we should get to know one another.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Where does one start?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Shall I make headway? I was born in Detroit.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16My father worked in a steel plant.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19He was one of the first lured over to Henry Ford.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Ah, hence the love of motoring? - Yes, but I also love animals.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25I am a city girl. I take chickens to the vet.
0:22:25 > 0:22:30Oh! You can't be squeamish about livestock now that you are living in the country.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Which was never my intention.
0:22:33 > 0:22:39I was happily carving out a niche for myself on the race circuit when I was unexpectedly flagged down
0:22:39 > 0:22:45by someone irresistible. Remarrying was the farthest thing from my mind.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I see.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53May I ask...?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Oh, dead, unfortunately. No children.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Oh... How disappointing for you.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Still, he provided well, though?
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Yes, but there were a lot of hidden costs associated with his passing.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13Oh, that beautiful motor car. Surely, you must have independent means?
0:23:13 > 0:23:19I'm more than happy to discuss my means, but I think you'll be a tad disappointed.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21The car is my sole source of income,
0:23:21 > 0:23:24which makes living in London an imperative.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27But what will John do in the city?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Work. It's not uncommon.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Oh!
0:23:32 > 0:23:37John was brought up in the country, Larita. Where will he work?
0:23:37 > 0:23:41Chalk Farm, perhaps? Or St Martin's In The Fields?
0:23:41 > 0:23:46I know this is not perfect, so that's why I'm asking for your guidance.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49So, please, how can I make this pleasant for everybody?
0:23:49 > 0:23:56Well, erm...wartime experience dictates that you keep your head down and you fit in as well as you can.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Oh, there's a war on?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Oh, no. Not necessarily.
0:24:00 > 0:24:05Australian mimosa. Mmm...beautiful.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Oh!
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- "And then the British troops opened fire." How grizzly! - How'd it go, Mother?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Oh, marvellous!
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Marvellous.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40- Thanks for the invitation! - Oh, it's Lord Hurst!
0:24:41 > 0:24:44I fear storm clouds are gathering, Mrs Whit.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Stop being maudlin, Father.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48It's the future!
0:24:48 > 0:24:53- Spanner!- Father, allow me to introduce Panda's new chauffeuse.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- Lovely La La Larita. - Watch it, Philip.
0:24:56 > 0:25:02My son is prone to fabrication, but I can see on this occasion he has been perfectly frank, Mrs Whittaker.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Yes, that's right. There are two of us now.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12No shortage of Whits around here any more. OK, stand back!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I give you, the future!
0:25:18 > 0:25:22All right, John. You can take my baby out for a spin.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Ha-ha! Allergies. She inflates like a puffer fish.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28You just want to squeeze her until she pops.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31# Working at the car wash
0:25:36 > 0:25:38# You might not ever strike it rich
0:25:40 > 0:25:43# But let me tell you, it's better than digging a ditch
0:25:43 > 0:25:44# Working at the car wash!
0:25:46 > 0:25:48# Working at the car wash, man
0:25:48 > 0:25:51# Come on, now, sing it to me
0:25:53 > 0:25:55# It's better than digging a ditch... #
0:26:07 > 0:26:09The missus is a bit trigger-happy this week.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Bleeding tinnitus is killing me.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15I like the new Mrs Whit. Reminds me of the old one before the war.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Only more reasonable. You can tell she's run her own household.
0:26:18 > 0:26:23Oh, be silent! Good morning, Furber, Jackson, Millie, and...?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Cook, I can't call you a verb.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- Your name?- Beatrice.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36All right, all right... it's Doris. Sorry, madam.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Always wanted to be called Beatrice.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Well, Beatrice, would you mind if I helped myself in the mornings?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I fear I shall be rising later and later.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Well, if it pleases, Mrs Whit.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53The point of the bell...
0:26:53 > 0:26:57when I ring it, you come to me, not the other way round!
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Larita. May I have a word? Come along!
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Would you please refrain from chatting to the staff?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11It's chore enough trying to keep this motley crew together.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I had a brilliant French maid in Paris.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Perhaps I should send for her?
0:27:15 > 0:27:20Thank you, no...erm... I'd prefer to keep English the first language in this household.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Ah, there you are.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26- IN BRITISH ACCENT: - I say! Anyone for tennis?
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Yes. You!- John, Shackleton wouldn't let a dog out today!
0:27:29 > 0:27:35- The fog has lifted and Whittakers don't do winter.- You go ahead, darling. I'll play with myself.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- No, really. I'm a lot of fun.- Ooh...
0:27:40 > 0:27:42John! It's brass monkeys out here!
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Day one of the Antarctic Open.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Mr Whittaker to serve.
0:27:51 > 0:27:57- Hole in one!- Deuce.- I see your pair of deuces and I raise you a tenner.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59The Titanic could have hit that!
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Sarah, you're an embarrassment to the family name. I'll have you killed.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Good God! What's wrong with you? No!
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Stop now! Stop, everybody! Listen!
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Shoot the court jester!
0:28:12 > 0:28:15- Nice backhand! - Is that a backhand compliment?
0:28:15 > 0:28:18# Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun
0:28:18 > 0:28:19# The Japanese don't care to
0:28:19 > 0:28:21# The Chinese wouldn't dare to
0:28:21 > 0:28:24# Hindus and Argentines sleep firmly from 12 to one
0:28:24 > 0:28:27# But Englishmen detest a siesta... #
0:28:27 > 0:28:31Laurel and Hardy step up to the crease. The fillies are lining up.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35Miss Hilda Whittaker looking most fetching in her feed bag and bridle!
0:28:41 > 0:28:44One woman's heaven.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Oh, she's absolutely beautiful.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Broken, tarnished and completely useless.
0:28:52 > 0:28:57Things guaranteed to keep my wife at bay.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00- May I?- If you don't mind getting your hands dirty.
0:29:00 > 0:29:04In Detroit, what we lack in dirt, we make up for in filth.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07Your first husband from that neck of the woods?
0:29:07 > 0:29:12Oh...well, word gets about.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15So where is he now?
0:29:15 > 0:29:16Dead.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20Cancer.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22He was a fair bit older than me.
0:29:22 > 0:29:26I spent a while playing the unmerry widow, but the black wore thin.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29You didn't care for him, I gather?
0:29:29 > 0:29:30I cared too much.
0:29:30 > 0:29:34Life was just such an unpleasant experience for the man.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38I'd be a liar to say I wasn't glad when he was relieved of it.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49- When were you last in France? - Just after the war.
0:29:49 > 0:29:55On a personal reconnaissance, trying to ascertain what exactly all those fine young men had died for.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00Apparently, I'm of the romantic Lost Generation.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03What did you lose?
0:30:04 > 0:30:06I'm not sure.
0:30:55 > 0:30:56DOG BARKS
0:31:02 > 0:31:08Oh, hello...hello. Who was the tiny tank? Who's a pretty, little, cheeky chorizo?
0:31:09 > 0:31:12On bended knees, please come and play with me.
0:31:12 > 0:31:18Johnnie, dear, you know how much I love you, so please try to take this in the best possible light.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21I'm getting a machine gun and mowing down your entire family.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23That's fairly disappointing.
0:31:23 > 0:31:25I thought at least you and Father were getting along.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28Yes, I might spare the men folk.
0:31:28 > 0:31:32But it's awfully dispiriting. We have absolutely no privacy here.
0:31:32 > 0:31:38- I never needed any privacy before. This is my home.- It's not mine, and I very much want one.
0:31:38 > 0:31:44# We're all alone, no chaperone can get our number
0:31:44 > 0:31:48# The world's aslumber, let's misbehave... #
0:31:48 > 0:31:49DOG BARKS
0:31:51 > 0:31:54Timing is everything, you little brute!
0:31:54 > 0:31:57Umpire at least. Philip is pining for you.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01If I knew you played tennis, I never would've signed the marriage certificate!
0:32:06 > 0:32:08DOG BARKS, CRUNCHING
0:32:15 > 0:32:18Not a bad day for it.
0:32:18 > 0:32:23- Reading. My fiance Edgar was always hiding behind books.- Um...
0:32:23 > 0:32:27you're needed on the tennis court. John was just asking after you.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Would you like to see a photo of him...my Edgar?
0:32:30 > 0:32:32Poppy!
0:32:34 > 0:32:36That's Enrico Caruso.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Who's dead, I know that.
0:32:38 > 0:32:45But if you ignore the nose and the mouth, and the ears, there's a striking resemblance.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48I don't actually have a picture of Edgar.
0:32:48 > 0:32:52Well...mustn't keep you.
0:32:52 > 0:32:57No, no. Of course. Looking forward to getting stuck into a good book.
0:32:57 > 0:33:00- Poppy!- You haven't seen the beast, have you?
0:33:00 > 0:33:04The dog? Nope. I haven't.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06Poppy!
0:33:11 > 0:33:15Oh, poor, poor Poppy. I'm so sorry.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18Larita!
0:33:18 > 0:33:22I've been sent in to badger you. Please help us make up doubles?
0:33:22 > 0:33:28Oh, Hilda, I can't. I'm only good for the cocktails between sets.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32- We're between sets now. - You can't possibly want me on court.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Philip! Go get him.
0:33:39 > 0:33:41Poppy!
0:33:42 > 0:33:46Poppy! Poppy!
0:33:46 > 0:33:49What are you doing?
0:33:49 > 0:33:52Reading. Sodom And Gomorrah.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54A Biblical Story.
0:33:54 > 0:33:55Who gave you this filth?
0:34:00 > 0:34:02Go and find the dog!
0:34:02 > 0:34:08Larita! Please refrain from giving my daughter pornographic literature.
0:34:09 > 0:34:10Yes, yes, of course.
0:34:10 > 0:34:16Oh, and I've volunteered you and Hilda to perform the Dance Of The Dying Swan for the War Widows' Revue.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19- We're short on numbers.- Lovely.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21Anything to help.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24- Have you seen the dog?- No.
0:34:24 > 0:34:29- Not recently.- Probably out seizing the sunshine like everyone else.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Poppy!
0:34:37 > 0:34:38Furber!
0:34:43 > 0:34:47- Oh, it's you, madam. I'm sorry. Can I get you anything?- A shovel.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50Shovel. Of course.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Go and get Philip a hot toddy.
0:34:53 > 0:34:57Philip. You look so...so...so...
0:34:57 > 0:35:01- The suspense is killing me.- Poppy!
0:35:01 > 0:35:03Oh...sorry.
0:35:03 > 0:35:04It's fine.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15Your brother is such a sharply honed twit.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18Where's our beautiful cougar hiding?
0:35:18 > 0:35:23Under a book, I expect. I wish she wouldn't slack indoors so much.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26Some people would kill to be indoors with Larita.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28She isn't built the same as us.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31Still, it is annoying, though.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34You're such a sport, always ready for anything.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39I haven't got Lari's beauty or charm or intelligence.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42She is clever, isn't she?
0:35:42 > 0:35:47Hmm. Clever...and bored.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51I don't understand it. I'm not bored, you're not bored, nobody else is bored.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54Your father is, out of his mind.
0:35:54 > 0:35:58Father was born bored. If only she made an effort to play along.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00Stop being so torturous, Panda.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04You had her playing charades last night. What more do you want?
0:36:04 > 0:36:06John!
0:36:06 > 0:36:07John?
0:36:13 > 0:36:15To tell the truth, I never really liked her.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17Crabby, snappy, little bitch.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20I didn't like the dog much, either.
0:36:22 > 0:36:26Poor Poppy. Casualty of war.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30If I may be so bold, madam?
0:36:30 > 0:36:32These people ride horses.
0:36:32 > 0:36:37Lots of horses. It would be advantageous to do the same.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42And I thought Detroit was a tough town.
0:36:46 > 0:36:54# You do something to me
0:36:54 > 0:37:01# Something that simply mystifies me... #
0:37:05 > 0:37:07Oh, has your horse run out of gas?
0:37:16 > 0:37:17Oh, John, don't hurt it.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20Far from it. We've got a hunt coming up.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22Poor little mite needs a head start.
0:37:22 > 0:37:26Go on...run!
0:37:28 > 0:37:30So much to learn about each other.
0:37:33 > 0:37:38My curriculum vitae. The brook is the border of Sarah's property.
0:37:38 > 0:37:42Mother always imagined we'd join forces and invade Surrey.
0:37:42 > 0:37:47Oh, and how about those foot soldiers on high?
0:37:47 > 0:37:50That's Davis, Lord Hurst's man.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53And there's Lord Hurst.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Closely followed by my mother-in-law.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58I wonder what the devil they're surveying?
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Are you disappointed you didn't marry Sarah?
0:38:03 > 0:38:07Of course not. We've seen each other naked since we were one.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10She's part of the...the...scenery.
0:38:10 > 0:38:13You can hack it a little while longer, can't you?
0:38:13 > 0:38:16How long is a little?
0:38:16 > 0:38:18And don't say two weeks again.
0:38:18 > 0:38:23Well, there's the War Widows' Revue, the craft fair, the hunt.
0:38:23 > 0:38:27- The memorial service. - What memorial service?
0:38:30 > 0:38:35Friends, we are gathered here today in remembrance of our missing friend, Poppy.
0:38:37 > 0:38:44Oh, Poppy. Wherever you have chosen to sow your seeds, we pray that you are blooming.
0:38:44 > 0:38:51We pray that you have gone to a better place. Shame we don't know exactly where that place is.
0:38:51 > 0:38:55Anyway, now for a eulogy from Emily Dickinson, queen of mirth.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01"Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me.
0:39:01 > 0:39:05"The carriage held but just ourselves and immortality."
0:39:05 > 0:39:09Or maybe the carriage didn't stop and Poppy got squished.
0:39:09 > 0:39:10HILDA GIGGLES
0:39:10 > 0:39:14- Scraped off the road and put in a sausage.- Oh, Hilda!
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Thank you, Mr Gribble.
0:39:26 > 0:39:33Now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, behold Reverend Burton
0:39:33 > 0:39:40and Marion Whittaker as they reach for the scissors in Samson And Delilah.
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Hark! I hear my husband snore!
0:39:55 > 0:39:57What the hell happened to Delilah?
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Looks like a sock full of oranges.
0:39:59 > 0:40:05I'll creep forth on padded foot and relieve him of his ample follicles.
0:40:08 > 0:40:09LAUGHTER
0:40:27 > 0:40:31- How hilarious! - It's meant to be a tragedy!
0:40:31 > 0:40:34Then you succeeded beyond your wildest dreams.
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Your father seems to have a fan.
0:40:36 > 0:40:37Don't read too much into it.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40She was a godsend during mother's last months.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43Sometimes I wonder where they'd be without each other.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45Marion, my ample follicles are in dire need of a trim.
0:40:47 > 0:40:51I wouldn't taunt the artistes, my little dying swans. You're on next.
0:40:51 > 0:40:55I've encouraged my girls to undertake something a little more contemporary.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57Hilda and I seem to have a talent for the Can-Can.
0:40:57 > 0:41:01The traditional Can-Can, performed without underwear?
0:41:01 > 0:41:04- Oh, Philip!- Anything for you, Philip.
0:41:04 > 0:41:10- Yes, anything.- That'll raise a bit more than money for the war widows. I'm doubling my donation.
0:41:10 > 0:41:12Oh, Pinkie.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15Fans at the ready, gentlemen!
0:41:15 > 0:41:21All the way from gay Paris, I give you Miss Hilda Whittaker
0:41:21 > 0:41:27and, for her debut performance, Mrs John Whittaker,
0:41:27 > 0:41:29doing the Can-Can!
0:41:55 > 0:41:59Is it my imagination, or is your daughter dancing without her scanties?
0:42:36 > 0:42:38Bravo!
0:42:54 > 0:42:57- It's not Lari's fault. - She said it was traditional!
0:42:57 > 0:43:01Philip said it, not Larita. And it was a joke.
0:43:01 > 0:43:04Everyone understood that except Nelly No Knickers here!
0:43:04 > 0:43:07Hilda isn't as experienced as your wife, John. No-one is.
0:43:07 > 0:43:12- If you're not prepared to have a straight talk to her, I am.- Don't be ridiculous. You'll lose a finger.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14Lord Hurst will never speak to me again.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Rubbish. I saw you with the surveyors in the fields.
0:43:17 > 0:43:22- Preparing the jumps for the hunt! - I'm completely humiliated! I'll never get a husband now!
0:43:22 > 0:43:29- After tonight, I'd have thought they'll be lining up round the block. - I hate her! Hate, hate, hate her!
0:43:29 > 0:43:33The advance notices are sensational, Mrs John.
0:43:43 > 0:43:48Is it my imagination or is the cutlery particularly deafening this evening?
0:43:48 > 0:43:52I don't know how many times I have to say this, Hilda. I am sorry.
0:43:52 > 0:43:53That's easy for you to say.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56It's surprisingly hard to be easy.
0:43:57 > 0:44:02- You're smiling, Jim. - God forbid, the wind might change.
0:44:02 > 0:44:06Hilda, if I had any inkling that you were going to take me seriously...
0:44:06 > 0:44:09You could have made an effort to enjoy it less.
0:44:09 > 0:44:13I had my underpants on. I was having a grand time.
0:44:14 > 0:44:19It's not fair! You've got two husbands, and I've had none.
0:44:19 > 0:44:22- Technically, I have one. - But you've had two.
0:44:22 > 0:44:25I've had two shoes and it's a great deal more practical.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28I dare say you've worn down more soles than that.
0:44:30 > 0:44:31John...
0:44:33 > 0:44:36Marion, Larita's first husband died of cancer. Stop being so callous.
0:44:36 > 0:44:41Oh, I'm sure Marion can appreciate the pain of watching a loved one slip through her fingers.
0:44:41 > 0:44:47She's scandalous! You should hear what they're saying about her in the village.
0:44:47 > 0:44:50Well, let's stop the wagging tongues, shall we?
0:44:50 > 0:44:53Is it true you've had as many lovers as they say?
0:44:55 > 0:44:57Of course it's not true, Mrs Whittaker.
0:45:00 > 0:45:02Hardly any of them actually loved me.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08That was uncalled for. I realise it was a joke, but still.
0:45:08 > 0:45:12- You threw me to the wolves in there. - Marion hardly constitutes wolves.
0:45:12 > 0:45:16All right, you threw me to the voles. Either way, you abandoned me.
0:45:16 > 0:45:18Your sisters need to be restrained.
0:45:18 > 0:45:23Restrained? Hilda breaks loose once and she's almost institutionalised. And poor old Marion...
0:45:23 > 0:45:28Edgar drops by for a cup of sugar, and mother has his name engraved on the family crypt.
0:45:28 > 0:45:31- I'm sorry, but it really is very funny.- Hilarious(!)
0:45:31 > 0:45:36Welcome to the petrified circus. Meet the resident contortionist who can't bend any further.
0:45:36 > 0:45:40Then stop. Be yourself. Let them live in your spell.
0:45:40 > 0:45:44# You do that voodoo that you do so well... #
0:45:44 > 0:45:46You're right, of course.
0:45:46 > 0:45:49I'm a hypocrite, pretending to be someone I'm not.
0:45:49 > 0:45:52Especially since it isn't working.
0:45:53 > 0:45:55What the devil has that dog dug up?
0:45:59 > 0:46:02Pilot, what have you got there?
0:46:02 > 0:46:04Aargh!
0:46:04 > 0:46:06How could you not tell us?
0:46:06 > 0:46:08Marion, it was an accident. I am walking on eggshells here
0:46:08 > 0:46:13and I believe I panicked. And once again, I'm very, very sorry.
0:46:13 > 0:46:17How could you do it? How could you?
0:46:17 > 0:46:22I imagine she bent her legs and lowered her full weight onto the Chihuahua beneath her.
0:46:23 > 0:46:29- Marion, please.- John, did you have anything to do with this?
0:46:29 > 0:46:35No. No, I was the sole perpetrator of Poppy's demise. And ever since I have been wracked with guilt.
0:46:35 > 0:46:40Please, please, please let me buy you a new dog.
0:46:40 > 0:46:45You might buy your loved ones in the United States, but you can't in the United Kingdom.
0:46:45 > 0:46:47How unfortunate.
0:46:47 > 0:46:51You could at least show some remorse.
0:46:51 > 0:46:57I am full of remorse. I just refuse to invest in amateur theatrics to convince you of my sincerity.
0:46:57 > 0:47:01That's not how I came off the assembly line. I'm sorry.
0:47:01 > 0:47:03I can't change. Not for you...
0:47:03 > 0:47:07not for anybody...any more.
0:47:10 > 0:47:13And I wouldn't want her any other way. So...
0:47:16 > 0:47:18Madam, the dog.
0:47:18 > 0:47:21Oh, stay back! Stay back!
0:47:21 > 0:47:25I knew it the second I laid eyes on her. She's a killer.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29She sat on poor Poppy deliberately.
0:47:29 > 0:47:32Don't be ridiculous. Of course she didn't.
0:47:32 > 0:47:36My brother has married a dog murderer. She should be put down.
0:47:36 > 0:47:39- Put through a divorce court. - The Lord does not sanction divorce.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42The Lord is almighty, Marion. He can sanction anything he likes.
0:47:42 > 0:47:49- The sooner they move out the better. - They move out? John isn't going anywhere.
0:47:49 > 0:47:51Watch and learn.
0:47:54 > 0:47:57MUSIC PLAYS
0:47:57 > 0:48:00It's so unfair. Why can't I have a room like this?
0:48:02 > 0:48:06I could die of envy!
0:48:06 > 0:48:11Laying to rest this tragic incident, we've had this splendid set of rooms made over for you, haven't we, Jim?
0:48:11 > 0:48:15Yes. My wife would like you to rest in peace.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18I even had an old friend of Johnnie's brought down from the attic.
0:48:18 > 0:48:21Old Faithful Awaits His Master's Return.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24I used to sleep under that silly painting.
0:48:24 > 0:48:28Very comforting, I'm sure, but we're expected back in Mayfair.
0:48:28 > 0:48:32But these are the largest rooms in the house. You'll find nothing like it in London.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34- She has a point...- She always does.
0:48:34 > 0:48:39- Sometimes I don't know why you ever did wander home. - And miss all the fun?
0:48:39 > 0:48:44- Cook would like to inform you, Mrs Whittaker, the bird is stuffed.- Oh!
0:48:44 > 0:48:46What bird, hmm?
0:48:46 > 0:48:49Thursday is bubble and squeak. I hadn't made any arrangements.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52Oh, but I have!
0:48:57 > 0:49:01In appreciation of your understanding, and now for that delicious double bed.
0:49:01 > 0:49:03We'll think of you every time we use it.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14- What exactly are we celebrating? - Thanksgiving.
0:49:14 > 0:49:16Thanks for what, hmm?
0:49:16 > 0:49:19The annihilation of an entire indigenous people.
0:49:19 > 0:49:22A loving union of two great cultures.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24- Just like us.- How transcontinental.
0:49:24 > 0:49:28- I can't believe you got access to the kitchen.- Beatrice did put up a fight.
0:49:28 > 0:49:30But technically, I outrank her.
0:49:30 > 0:49:32- Who's Beatrice?- Your cook.
0:49:32 > 0:49:37Or now my undercook, since I'm qualified cordon bleu.
0:49:37 > 0:49:43- That's a degree.- Furber, can you take the vegetables down to the kitchen and tell Cook to cook them?
0:49:43 > 0:49:47No, Furber, thank you. I think I'll surprise my alimentary canal.
0:49:48 > 0:49:52Mother, if you don't mind, I'm going to eat my meal before it gets cold.
0:49:52 > 0:49:56- Furber, I've changed my mind, bring it back!- Me, too.
0:49:58 > 0:49:59Gobble, gobble!
0:50:05 > 0:50:07Yes!
0:50:09 > 0:50:15Here's a tip, Hilda. A sure way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Or his mother.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18Larita, look, I've found another likeness of Edgar.
0:50:18 > 0:50:23- Marion, this is Fatty Arbuckle. - Who's in jail, I know that.
0:50:23 > 0:50:27But if you cut out his cheeks and give him a bald patch, there's a striking resemblance.
0:50:29 > 0:50:34Edgar's away on a trip across the pond, sewing his wild oats, or something agricultural.
0:50:34 > 0:50:39- She's good, I'll give her that. - I think you're over-reacting.
0:50:46 > 0:50:49Lari? Lari!
0:50:49 > 0:50:52Not the vase! Not the vase!
0:50:52 > 0:50:59"Taking the corncockle buds and bee-kissed roses roughly in his calloused hands, his hot,
0:50:59 > 0:51:02"moist tulip exploded in her river of delights..."
0:51:14 > 0:51:16Larita?
0:51:16 > 0:51:20- Early Christmas present. For you, darling.- Ooh, the mind boggles.
0:51:29 > 0:51:30Well, it's...it's...
0:51:30 > 0:51:33- It's magnificent.- It's monstrous!
0:51:33 > 0:51:35It's me. I posed for a young Spaniard.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37Don't you absolutely adore it?
0:51:37 > 0:51:41- Very expressive, darling, but I can't quite see you in it. - You can see everything else!
0:51:41 > 0:51:44You took your clothes off in front of a total stranger?
0:51:44 > 0:51:46Of course she took her clothes off.
0:51:46 > 0:51:51- I think it's unholy.- I'm not sure I approve of you being nude.
0:51:51 > 0:51:53You know, without...without me.
0:51:53 > 0:51:57Extraordinary. What exactly are you hoping to achieve?
0:51:57 > 0:52:01Just trying to get into the swing of things...Mother.
0:52:01 > 0:52:06Marvellous! Well, then, you'll be riding in the hunt with us, won't you?
0:52:06 > 0:52:12- I might be persuaded if the painting stays.- Hunt.- Paint.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15- Hunt.- Paint.- Hunt!
0:52:15 > 0:52:18Very well.
0:52:18 > 0:52:20Hunt.
0:52:25 > 0:52:28View, hello.
0:52:31 > 0:52:34Hello, everyone. Good to see you. Richard.
0:52:34 > 0:52:40Morning, Jim! After generations of false starts, we've finally managed to combine our cavalry.
0:52:40 > 0:52:44Congratulations. A marriage of minor convenience.
0:52:44 > 0:52:45You'll be fine, I promise.
0:52:45 > 0:52:50The second you have the Holborough boy's eye, flirt outrageously.
0:52:50 > 0:52:54- But Warwick Holborough has ears like the Cambridge Cup! - And Philip's the prize.
0:52:54 > 0:52:58Now, if you want a man's attention...ignore him.
0:53:05 > 0:53:09Warwick The Wingnut and Sausage Fingers? What a handsome couple.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12They'll have puppies not children.
0:53:13 > 0:53:17Wait... There's something I need to say.
0:53:17 > 0:53:21I see you, you're wasted here.
0:53:21 > 0:53:25When the time comes, give me a ring.
0:53:25 > 0:53:28If I could find your neck, Philip, I'd wring it.
0:53:28 > 0:53:32- Larita's making sheep's eyes at Philip.- She's a Venus de Flytrap!
0:53:32 > 0:53:34She wants him all to herself.
0:53:34 > 0:53:38She's not interested in Philip. Nobody's interested in Philip.
0:53:38 > 0:53:40- I am!- Mount up, Larita.
0:53:40 > 0:53:45If you don't mind, I think I might give the fox a head start.
0:53:45 > 0:53:49Lari, get on the pony, please.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51Oh, it's just as I thought.
0:53:51 > 0:53:55Oh, I said I'd ride, and I'm always good for my word.
0:53:55 > 0:53:56Tally-ho!
0:54:12 > 0:54:15# Spy on me, baby, use satellite
0:54:15 > 0:54:19# Infrared to see me move through the night
0:54:19 > 0:54:23# Aim, going to fire, shoot me right
0:54:23 > 0:54:26# I'm going to like the way you fight
0:54:27 > 0:54:30# Now you've found the secret code I use
0:54:30 > 0:54:34# To wash away my lonely blues
0:54:34 > 0:54:41# So I can't deny or lie cos you're the only one to make me fly
0:54:42 > 0:54:46# Sex bomb, sex bomb You're my sex bomb
0:54:46 > 0:54:50# You can give it to me when I need to come along... #
0:54:50 > 0:54:54# Sex bomb, sex bomb You're my sex bomb... #
0:54:54 > 0:54:58- What is she doing?- A victory lap, by the look of things.
0:54:58 > 0:55:02There's something wild about that child that's so contagious.
0:55:05 > 0:55:07Whoo-hoo!
0:55:10 > 0:55:14Well, she promised she'd ride. Ha-ha!
0:55:23 > 0:55:26# No chaperone can get our number
0:55:26 > 0:55:32# The world's in a slumber Let's misbehave!
0:55:32 > 0:55:36# There's something wild about you, child, that's so contagious
0:55:36 > 0:55:41# Let's be outrageous Let's misbehave!
0:55:41 > 0:55:46# When Adam won Eve's hand he wouldn't stand for teasin'
0:55:46 > 0:55:51# He didn't care about those apples out of season
0:55:51 > 0:55:55# They say that spring means just one little thing to little lovebirds
0:55:55 > 0:56:01# We're not above, birds Let's misbehave! #
0:56:07 > 0:56:08Whoo!
0:56:19 > 0:56:21Miss Hilda, telephone from New York.
0:56:29 > 0:56:33Uncle George? Oh, thank God, a friendly voice.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36Yes, and she's a complete nightmare.
0:56:39 > 0:56:43Really? How salacious.
0:56:44 > 0:56:45KNOCK ON DOOR
0:56:45 > 0:56:46Come in.
0:56:48 > 0:56:53Mother? I'd like to apologise for today's schmozzle.
0:56:53 > 0:56:55That really won't be necessary.
0:56:55 > 0:56:59Larita made no secret of her disapproval of blood sports.
0:56:59 > 0:57:01She did ride as promised.
0:57:01 > 0:57:05Well, we should credit her with her imaginative way of keeping her word.
0:57:05 > 0:57:07You must be very proud of her.
0:57:09 > 0:57:14Mother, I think... I think maybe Larita and I ought to go.
0:57:16 > 0:57:19Oh... Yes, I see. Very well.
0:57:19 > 0:57:23Feel free to drop in whenever it takes your fancy. Off you go. Enjoy.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25Don't be like that.
0:57:25 > 0:57:31I'm sorry, dear, wasn't Mummy being kind enough? Take these, they might get you as far as Constantinople!
0:57:31 > 0:57:32And this, Casablanca.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34- Mother, stop it!- No. You stop it!
0:57:37 > 0:57:40Stop being so naive!
0:57:45 > 0:57:49The money's gone, John. Nothing left.
0:57:49 > 0:57:55The only thing standing between this family and bankruptcy are those surveyors in the back field.
0:57:57 > 0:58:02Lord Hurst is offering to buy 400 acres to keep the bailiffs away.
0:58:02 > 0:58:07It's your legacy, John Whittaker, and I'm selling it.
0:58:13 > 0:58:17- I had no idea.- No. No, you don't.
0:58:22 > 0:58:26You were supposed to take over the estate, take your responsibilities.
0:58:26 > 0:58:28But you were unexpectedly flagged down.
0:58:28 > 0:58:36I've been struggling for years with a man who doesn't care, waiting for you to step up to the mark.
0:58:38 > 0:58:45No. You just go. Go to Algiers with your racing car driver.
0:58:45 > 0:58:47I'm too tired to care any more!
0:58:49 > 0:58:55It's not exactly surprising, John. Look at the grounds. Your mother is being very practical.
0:58:55 > 0:58:59- In what sense? - You're not coming back.
0:58:59 > 0:59:02Your father moved out decades ago. Philip's not going to marry Hilda.
0:59:02 > 0:59:04Nobody's going to marry Marion.
0:59:04 > 0:59:10- Subdividing the land and selling to a trusted neighbour is an elegant solution.- Somewhat harsh.
0:59:10 > 0:59:15I've had my fair share of selling off my past, and it is an auction
0:59:15 > 0:59:22of innocence that's neither fun nor pretty, but it is realistic, something your mother excels in.
0:59:22 > 0:59:24But it's my responsibility.
0:59:26 > 0:59:29Gracious, how can I have been so blind?
1:00:07 > 1:00:09Oh, winter hydrangeas! How do you do it?
1:00:09 > 1:00:14It's a controlled mixture of passion, persistence and horse manure.
1:00:16 > 1:00:19I was hoping to catch a glimpse of the new bride.
1:00:19 > 1:00:22Ah! John's wife has very fickle allergies.
1:00:22 > 1:00:24Allergies to what?
1:00:24 > 1:00:26Flowers, Emma. Can you believe it?
1:00:26 > 1:00:31That is a strange choice of bed fellow for this neck of the woods.
1:00:31 > 1:00:34You'll just have to make do with John and Sarah.
1:00:34 > 1:00:36It'll be like old times.
1:00:36 > 1:00:42# When you're smiling The whole world smiles... #
1:00:42 > 1:00:45Why the big Panda eyes?
1:00:45 > 1:00:51- Sarah, I've often meant to ask you something, but I hadn't the courage. - Well, don't then.
1:00:51 > 1:00:56Did you think I behaved like a cad, marrying Larita without telling you?
1:00:56 > 1:01:01No, of course not. You took the opportunity and married for love. I respect you for it.
1:01:01 > 1:01:06If we'd have married it would've been for friendship and convenience.
1:01:06 > 1:01:09- Would it?- Yes! We knew one another far too well.
1:01:09 > 1:01:16I want my marriage to be thrilling, romantic, with passionate love letters.
1:01:16 > 1:01:19- I could've written you love letters. - Well, you didn't, did you?
1:01:20 > 1:01:22I did love you all the same.
1:01:23 > 1:01:25John, stop it.
1:01:34 > 1:01:37He's very different from the man I met in France.
1:01:37 > 1:01:42Boy. The same, sweet boy.
1:01:46 > 1:01:50Is it true what she says? Are you really selling off the land?
1:01:50 > 1:01:54To be perfectly honest, I haven't the faintest idea.
1:01:58 > 1:02:02But it's your home, it's your community. Doesn't that matter?
1:02:03 > 1:02:07- No.- You're a dark horse.
1:02:11 > 1:02:15Have you noticed how few men of my age there are in this village?
1:02:16 > 1:02:2114 years ago, we all took the King's shilling. We all signed up together.
1:02:22 > 1:02:27My brother, friends, staff.
1:02:27 > 1:02:32All hunkered down in the front row of the Great War.
1:02:32 > 1:02:37I thought they kept Majors safely behind desks?
1:02:37 > 1:02:39Promotion for surviving.
1:02:39 > 1:02:45As Captain, it was my job to get them all out of the trenches.
1:02:45 > 1:02:51Within the first four minutes of our first charge,
1:02:51 > 1:02:5320,000 men died.
1:02:59 > 1:03:04In Thorverton, down the road here, they were stationed in Morocco.
1:03:04 > 1:03:07Their Captain brought them all home.
1:03:14 > 1:03:16I didn't bring a single man back.
1:03:17 > 1:03:19This whole village died.
1:03:19 > 1:03:23I think there's a glimmer of life in you yet.
1:03:23 > 1:03:27Well, if there is, it has no time for pet cemeteries and Japanese lanterns.
1:03:27 > 1:03:30Why did you come back?
1:03:30 > 1:03:33I had no choice.
1:03:35 > 1:03:36Bonjour, Madame.
1:03:38 > 1:03:40Qu'est-ce que vous voulez?
1:03:48 > 1:03:50She came for you?
1:03:50 > 1:03:53Why the lie?
1:03:53 > 1:03:56She thought "wandering home" sounded better.
1:03:59 > 1:04:03And to be perfectly frank, I no longer cared.
1:04:07 > 1:04:11I hate new games. There are too many balls, I can't sink anything.
1:04:11 > 1:04:13Sink some gin, Sausage Fingers!
1:04:14 > 1:04:17- I never, ever win.- Oh, well done!
1:04:24 > 1:04:27Stop sucking it. Come and help. Come on, Pops.
1:04:27 > 1:04:30All right, missy, hold your horses.
1:04:30 > 1:04:32Right, clear the decks, puppies.
1:04:32 > 1:04:34May I?
1:04:41 > 1:04:43I was hoping to have a word.
1:04:43 > 1:04:48Oh, we're accentuating the positive today, I don't have a mind for anything else.
1:04:48 > 1:04:55Of course, of course. I know you are under considerable stress.
1:04:55 > 1:04:56Regarding what?
1:04:56 > 1:05:00Lord Hurst's kind offer to buy into your property.
1:05:00 > 1:05:06The realtor I'm dealing with in London also specialises in subdivision.
1:05:06 > 1:05:09Perhaps he could help negotiate a premium price.
1:05:09 > 1:05:13Thank you, but really this is of no concern of yours.
1:05:13 > 1:05:18Of course it's a concern. I am a member of this family now and I'd like to help.
1:05:18 > 1:05:21And this is your interpretation of "help", is it?
1:05:21 > 1:05:24Carving up our heritage and selling it off to the highest bidder?
1:05:24 > 1:05:29Coming from a country no older than the chair you are sitting in, it seems a very practical solution.
1:05:29 > 1:05:35Just forget the seven generations of people who have devoted their entire lives to farming this land.
1:05:35 > 1:05:39Get someone else to do it. With a machine, no less.
1:05:40 > 1:05:42Who do you think you are?
1:05:43 > 1:05:47Swinging your wherewithal like a cat on heat.
1:05:49 > 1:05:54If you really want to be of assistance, Larita, I think you know what's required.
1:05:56 > 1:06:02Right. I think it's time an expert showed you how this game is played.
1:06:04 > 1:06:08Bravo! What a sportswoman, I must say.
1:06:09 > 1:06:12Can you imagine? Fantastic!
1:06:14 > 1:06:17- Lari, you're confusing me. - I'm feeling trapped.
1:06:17 > 1:06:19- I don't understand.- It's this house!
1:06:19 > 1:06:21It has an air of doom hanging over it.
1:06:21 > 1:06:23And I can barely stand the weight much longer.
1:06:29 > 1:06:32The answer is to go abroad again.
1:06:32 > 1:06:37Not yet. This is my life for now, you know that.
1:06:37 > 1:06:40- And what part do I play in it? - Do you have to be so loud?
1:06:40 > 1:06:43Of course I do! I'm American.
1:06:43 > 1:06:44HE LAUGHS
1:06:49 > 1:06:52What is the use of bickering like this? It doesn't lead anywhere.
1:06:52 > 1:06:55You never know. It might lead to a natural end.
1:06:58 > 1:06:59Do you want it to?
1:07:00 > 1:07:02Do you?
1:07:02 > 1:07:07No! I just want some peace and quiet.
1:07:07 > 1:07:12You're far too young to make a remark like that.
1:07:12 > 1:07:15I can't help my age...Grandma.
1:07:19 > 1:07:24Look, I'm sorry that I leave you alone so much.
1:07:24 > 1:07:30- Honestly, I'm sorry.- Good. Then let's do something about it.
1:07:35 > 1:07:36Why are we driving so fast?
1:07:38 > 1:07:39The thrill of escape!
1:07:44 > 1:07:48You're looking very game today. Fairest game in the land.
1:07:48 > 1:07:49A penny for your thoughts?
1:07:49 > 1:07:55It's more than pennies, I'm afraid, Pinkie. I don't think I can afford the party this year.
1:07:55 > 1:07:57But the Japanese lanterns!
1:07:57 > 1:08:00No, cancelled. Had to choose, Japanese lanterns or the maid.
1:08:00 > 1:08:04You're not getting out of it that easily.
1:08:04 > 1:08:09My offer of cellar and staff still stands. It wouldn't be Christmas without your knees-up.
1:08:10 > 1:08:11GUNSHOT
1:08:20 > 1:08:24Oh! This is the first piece of clarity I've had since arriving.
1:08:24 > 1:08:26Whoo!
1:08:29 > 1:08:32Why can't we live in moments like these for ever?
1:08:32 > 1:08:36Why? Because you've stopped loving me, my darling!
1:08:38 > 1:08:39How can you say that?
1:08:39 > 1:08:42Oh, I just open my mouth and the words come out.
1:08:42 > 1:08:45Then let's make a fresh start.
1:09:01 > 1:09:05There are so many things I need to tell you about me. Hard things.
1:09:05 > 1:09:08- I don't care.- I do.
1:09:08 > 1:09:11It doesn't matter.
1:09:11 > 1:09:13I trust you absolutely.
1:09:23 > 1:09:24Come on.
1:09:55 > 1:09:56Shot!
1:10:04 > 1:10:05John!
1:10:09 > 1:10:12- Top hole.- Oh!
1:10:12 > 1:10:16I can't decide which is worse, that you had to sneak outside to get some privacy,
1:10:16 > 1:10:19- or that you were caught by Veronica. - Who's Veronica?
1:10:19 > 1:10:22I am. It's my name.
1:10:25 > 1:10:28- I fail to see the humour in it! - No, darling, you're quite right.
1:10:28 > 1:10:32I can certainly see the serious implications. It's not a laughing matter.
1:10:32 > 1:10:36- It's only a laughing matter. - Indecent exposure is illegal.
1:10:36 > 1:10:37Even in America.
1:10:37 > 1:10:42Yep. You're right. And we're very, very sorry, aren't we?
1:10:42 > 1:10:45No, I'm not. This is my husband.
1:10:45 > 1:10:49- And this is my home!- Maybe it's time for the young ones to fly the nest?
1:10:49 > 1:10:53Certainly not. They will stay put and brazen this out.
1:10:53 > 1:10:56And you can get that ghastly painting out of my house!
1:10:56 > 1:10:59We do not need any more reminders of your easy virtue!
1:11:09 > 1:11:11- Excited, Furber?- Overwhelmed, sir.
1:11:11 > 1:11:14Miss Hilda. Uncle George.
1:11:14 > 1:11:15How explosive!
1:11:15 > 1:11:19Furber, I recognise that as asparagus.
1:11:19 > 1:11:20Correct, Madam.
1:11:20 > 1:11:22Ha! I pity poor Panda.
1:11:22 > 1:11:24Oh, what is it now?
1:11:24 > 1:11:29Read! The Detroit News. Uncle George is a super sleuth!
1:11:29 > 1:11:34- Collecting old newspapers is the last refuge of a truly boring man. - Boring? Far from it.
1:11:34 > 1:11:37It was a scandal! Wasn't it...
1:11:37 > 1:11:39Mrs Morley?
1:11:39 > 1:11:43Mrs Tom Morley of Detroit, Michigan.
1:11:43 > 1:11:45Don't be grotesque, Hilda.
1:11:45 > 1:11:50Well, I suppose I'd better finish my meal before it wilts entirely.
1:11:50 > 1:11:55- Any dressing? - Oh, I am genuinely shocked!- No, thanks, I always end up wearing it.
1:11:55 > 1:11:59- We've been hoodwinked! - Especially that runny vinaigrette. - Fire and brimstone!
1:11:59 > 1:12:04- Mayonnaise has more ballast. - Will you stop this insulting behaviour immediately!
1:12:09 > 1:12:11Oh, I always hated that photo of myself.
1:12:11 > 1:12:15Of everything I ever expected, nothing prepared me for this.
1:12:15 > 1:12:19- For what?- She was charged with murder.- I was acquitted.
1:12:19 > 1:12:22- And that's consolation? - I told you my husband died.
1:12:22 > 1:12:24But you didn't tell us how, did you?
1:12:24 > 1:12:28- Does John know about this? I see. - It's no concern of ours.
1:12:28 > 1:12:33- Father! Really! - Yes, and after Hilda went to all that trouble digging it up.
1:12:33 > 1:12:35I'm going outside for a cigarette.
1:12:35 > 1:12:39- Care to join me?- Thank you, Jim. Don't mind if I do.
1:12:41 > 1:12:43No concern?
1:12:48 > 1:12:52- The pack's closing.- This woman has taken advantage of our son!
1:12:52 > 1:12:55He'd never have married her if he'd known the truth.
1:12:55 > 1:12:58- You know that, do you?- You'd have preferred we had an affair?
1:12:58 > 1:13:00It would've been more appropriate!
1:13:00 > 1:13:02- Mother! - Unfortunately, I agree with you!
1:13:02 > 1:13:05It's easy to talk like this now.
1:13:05 > 1:13:09It isn't easy, it's heartbreaking. I love John, but it's not blind love.
1:13:09 > 1:13:10MARION SNORTS
1:13:10 > 1:13:13Marion, does that sound indicate contempt or asthma?
1:13:13 > 1:13:17- You can't palm us off like that, Mrs Morley.- This is your doing, child.
1:13:17 > 1:13:20- You're a bigger fool than you look. - Larita is your type, isn't she, Father?
1:13:20 > 1:13:22That is the nicest thing any of you have ever said.
1:13:22 > 1:13:25Hello, are we having a picnic?
1:13:27 > 1:13:32John, I think your wife better unveil this one herself. Don't you, Larita?
1:13:34 > 1:13:36Before we met...
1:13:38 > 1:13:42..I was involved in a court case over the death of my husband.
1:13:42 > 1:13:44It was seedy and stressful,
1:13:44 > 1:13:50but since I was found innocent I didn't think it necessary to burden you with the details.
1:13:50 > 1:13:55- Innocent?- She was responsible for a man killing himself!
1:13:55 > 1:13:58The verdict was suicide, but that's not where it started.
1:13:58 > 1:14:00I thought it was cancer.
1:14:00 > 1:14:04It was. But he was so desperately sick.
1:14:04 > 1:14:08If you'd known him, you would've understood how forgivable it was.
1:14:08 > 1:14:13- It's not as if she poisoned him herself.- That's what everyone thinks. - She's a black widow.
1:14:13 > 1:14:14I pity you, Marion.
1:14:14 > 1:14:16- Really? Well, I won't let you! - Right, that's it!
1:14:16 > 1:14:19You have a dance to organise, I suggest you all get to it! Go on!
1:14:19 > 1:14:21Now!
1:14:25 > 1:14:27Hilda! Come on, inside!
1:14:30 > 1:14:32John...
1:14:56 > 1:15:00Are you crying because you're angry or ashamed?
1:15:01 > 1:15:03Neither.
1:15:03 > 1:15:08Coming here has been the most demoralising experience of my life.
1:15:13 > 1:15:15Why didn't you tell me?
1:15:17 > 1:15:20I wanted to, everything just happened so fast.
1:15:20 > 1:15:22That's not good enough.
1:15:22 > 1:15:25I tried to, several times.
1:15:25 > 1:15:30But you trusted me..."absolutely".
1:15:32 > 1:15:36And you saw the field day those fatuous hypocrites made of it.
1:15:36 > 1:15:38Please remember they're my family.
1:15:38 > 1:15:42I shouldn't think of them at all if they weren't.
1:15:43 > 1:15:45Still...you should have told me.
1:15:47 > 1:15:49You should have loved me more.
1:15:51 > 1:15:53I couldn't love you any more.
1:15:53 > 1:15:55You should have loved me better.
1:15:59 > 1:16:01I don't understand you, Larita.
1:16:03 > 1:16:05I don't understand you at all.
1:16:28 > 1:16:32- Are you all left feet?- Dancing with you is like trying to move a piano.
1:16:34 > 1:16:36I wonder what the American will be wearing.
1:16:36 > 1:16:39Or who she'll be poisoning!
1:16:41 > 1:16:44Do you like long, moonlit walks?
1:16:44 > 1:16:47Only when taken by people who annoy me.
1:16:47 > 1:16:51You've got me all to yourself. Larita's upstairs with a headache.
1:16:51 > 1:16:54And which little fool, pray tell, gave her that?
1:17:10 > 1:17:13Do you think you ought to go and see if Larita is coping?
1:17:13 > 1:17:17- I already have. She's fine.- It's been a very trying day for her, John.
1:17:17 > 1:17:19Go and escort your wife down.
1:17:19 > 1:17:24I wouldn't worry. You know my wife, she'll make an entrance when she's ready.
1:17:27 > 1:17:29KNOCK ON DOOR
1:17:29 > 1:17:31Come in.
1:17:34 > 1:17:36Quickly, you'll blow my cover.
1:17:45 > 1:17:47Why are you sitting in the dark?
1:17:47 > 1:17:49Watching.
1:17:51 > 1:17:55People are so universally similar when their guard is down.
1:17:58 > 1:18:03It seems they are universally similar when their guard is up, as well.
1:18:07 > 1:18:08May I?
1:18:10 > 1:18:14- Thank you for being gallant today. - You are damn cool in a crisis.
1:18:14 > 1:18:18The judge at my trial said something similar.
1:18:21 > 1:18:22Why did you do it?
1:18:25 > 1:18:28Why did you marry John?
1:18:28 > 1:18:33My first husband was older, and his end was messy.
1:18:34 > 1:18:39Long afterwards, this...boy,
1:18:39 > 1:18:45this pure boy arrived fresh and unblemished.
1:18:48 > 1:18:54I married him because any other relationship seemed cheap and squalid.
1:18:55 > 1:19:00My first marriage cost me my youth, and here I am stealing someone else's.
1:19:03 > 1:19:04What will you do?
1:19:06 > 1:19:08The best I can.
1:19:15 > 1:19:18Oh, Davis, thank you. And thank you, Pinkie.
1:19:18 > 1:19:21No, not at all, my dear. Just look at this turnout.
1:19:21 > 1:19:26Hmm. They've only come for a repeat performance of the Cincinnati succubus.
1:19:26 > 1:19:28May I have the pleasure?
1:20:22 > 1:20:23Tango, please.
1:20:23 > 1:20:24Certainly.
1:20:33 > 1:20:34Dance with me, John.
1:20:36 > 1:20:37Lari, don't.
1:20:39 > 1:20:42Please? Dance with me.
1:22:13 > 1:22:17- You've got to stop them, Mother. - No, I don't.
1:22:55 > 1:22:57Oh, marvellous! Marvellous!
1:23:00 > 1:23:05Straight from the bordellos of Buenos Aires to the Hippodrome of London. Maestro, take it away!
1:23:07 > 1:23:10Jim, this is the end.
1:23:21 > 1:23:24- Congratulations, madam. - Have you been drinking, Furber?
1:23:24 > 1:23:28- Yes, madam. Prodigiously. - You are full of surprises.
1:23:28 > 1:23:30Oh, yes, madam. I was even arrested once.
1:23:30 > 1:23:32What for?
1:23:32 > 1:23:33Bigamy.
1:23:42 > 1:23:44Ah, there you are, Pinkie, I've found you.
1:23:55 > 1:23:57Larita, where are you going?
1:23:57 > 1:24:00Away, Sarah. For John's sake. Far, far away.
1:24:02 > 1:24:07- Is there anything I can do? - You can look after him.
1:24:07 > 1:24:10Women like me are tiresome in love. We expect too much.
1:24:10 > 1:24:15Marry John. It's the way things always should've been.
1:24:15 > 1:24:18I'm just so sorry I got in the way.
1:24:18 > 1:24:20You love him that much?
1:24:26 > 1:24:27Go.
1:24:27 > 1:24:29I'll cover for you.
1:24:29 > 1:24:33- Sweet Sarah.- So glad you've recovered from your headache.
1:24:33 > 1:24:37Please don't build any convenient social lies on my behalf.
1:24:37 > 1:24:40- I say, Mother is only... - Fighting to keep the charade alive?
1:24:40 > 1:24:46You've shown tremendous fortitude holding this family together, Veronica, and I can respect that.
1:24:46 > 1:24:51What I can't respect is the manipulative road you've chosen to maintain control.
1:24:51 > 1:24:54This war is over.
1:24:54 > 1:24:57- Move on.- "Move on." Oh, how convenient.
1:24:57 > 1:24:59Oh, wake up, Marion.
1:24:59 > 1:25:00Edgar's not coming back.
1:25:00 > 1:25:03And that ring isn't stuck, you are.
1:25:03 > 1:25:09And Hilda, you've got such promise, yet you're squandering it on malice.
1:25:09 > 1:25:14My advice to both you girls? Run! Go see the world through your own eyes.
1:25:16 > 1:25:20So speaks the siren, leading the sailors to their death.
1:25:20 > 1:25:24- At least I'm not Medusa, turning them to stone.- Get out!
1:25:24 > 1:25:29Larita? Lari? Lari, don't go.
1:25:29 > 1:25:33John, I have to. I can't live here. Nothing can.
1:25:34 > 1:25:38But you're my wife, and I love you.
1:25:38 > 1:25:41Oh, John, my darling...
1:25:43 > 1:25:46..you don't know what love is.
1:25:46 > 1:25:52You have no idea what it means to love someone so much that you will do anything for them.
1:25:56 > 1:26:01Even inject them with poison when they were too feeble to do it for themselves.
1:26:08 > 1:26:11I don't believe that you could've ever loved me like that.
1:26:19 > 1:26:21Oh, John, let her go.
1:26:24 > 1:26:29Let her go, off into the sunset to inject another family with her poison!
1:26:29 > 1:26:33- Mother...- Off you go! Before your past catches up with you again!
1:26:33 > 1:26:35Mother!
1:26:38 > 1:26:40Oh, you evil...!
1:26:40 > 1:26:42Mother! Shut up!
1:26:45 > 1:26:49- They are predicting warmer weather, madam.- Yes, Furber, I believe they are.
1:26:49 > 1:26:50Thank you.
1:26:56 > 1:27:01- Very generous.- There's something special in there for Jackson. Please make sure he gets it.
1:27:01 > 1:27:04Of course. Where will madam be staying?
1:27:04 > 1:27:07Who knows?
1:27:07 > 1:27:09Good luck.
1:27:11 > 1:27:13And you, Furber.
1:27:13 > 1:27:18- Would you forward the painting please, Furber?- To where, sir?
1:27:24 > 1:27:27I shall enjoy passing on the good news, sir.
1:27:31 > 1:27:36Well, my dear, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
1:27:37 > 1:27:41- # I've got something to tell you - Really?
1:27:41 > 1:27:44- # I got something to say - I'm all ears
1:27:44 > 1:27:49# I'm going to put these wheels in motion
1:27:49 > 1:27:52# And let nothing stand in my way
1:27:54 > 1:27:58# Darling, I'll climb any mountain
1:27:58 > 1:28:02# Darling, I'll do anything
1:28:02 > 1:28:05# When the going gets tough
1:28:07 > 1:28:09# The tough get going
1:28:11 > 1:28:13# When the going gets rough
1:28:15 > 1:28:18# The tough get rough
1:28:20 > 1:28:23# Gonna get myself across the river
1:28:24 > 1:28:28# That's the price that I'm willing to pay
1:28:28 > 1:28:32# I'm gonna make you stand and deliver
1:28:32 > 1:28:37# And give me love in that old-fashioned way
1:28:37 > 1:28:42# Oh, darling, I'll climb any mountain
1:28:42 > 1:28:46# Darling, I'll do anything
1:28:46 > 1:28:48# Cos when the going gets tough
1:28:50 > 1:28:53# The tough get going
1:28:55 > 1:28:57# When the going gets rough
1:28:59 > 1:29:02# The tough get rough... #
1:29:24 > 1:29:29My lords, ladies and gentlemen, introducing the Easy Virtue Orchestra.
1:29:29 > 1:29:32Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
1:29:32 > 1:29:35E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk