0:00:38 > 0:00:41(FLY BUZZES)
0:00:42 > 0:00:44BOY: (READS) "An allotment is a piece of communal land
0:00:44 > 0:00:47"divided into individual plots.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49"For a small annual rent,
0:00:49 > 0:00:54"it can be used by a person to grow his own food.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56"For the British working man,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59"the allotment has for more than a century provided
0:00:59 > 0:01:02"a rustic oasis in the industrial desert...
0:01:03 > 0:01:06"..or somewhere to escape to.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09"But in the winter, when the ground is hard
0:01:09 > 0:01:12"and nothing will grow, what can he do?
0:01:12 > 0:01:16"He has to find some way to keep his passion alive.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18"Even at Christmas time."
0:01:18 > 0:01:21(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS)
0:01:29 > 0:01:32BOY: "Tomato seeds can be planted as early as Boxing Day
0:01:32 > 0:01:34"but must be kept in a place
0:01:34 > 0:01:37"where they will receive both warmth and attention."
0:01:37 > 0:01:40WOMAN: Oh, do they have to go on top of the telly, love?
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Every year it's the same.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45Why can't you put 'em upstairs on the windowsill in the spare room...
0:01:47 > 0:01:49WOMAN TWO: Didn't you? Didn't you?
0:01:49 > 0:01:51You got one last year exactly the same.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53(LAUGHTER)
0:01:53 > 0:01:55(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
0:01:56 > 0:01:59(SIGHS HEAVILY) (PARTY BLOWER HONKS)
0:01:59 > 0:02:01BOY: "Unwanted furniture or bric-a-brac
0:02:01 > 0:02:03"can be taken from the home
0:02:03 > 0:02:06"and used for making improvements to the allotment."
0:02:10 > 0:02:11(DRILL WHIRS)
0:02:11 > 0:02:13WOMAN TWO: Eddie, what the hell have you done with my shelf?!
0:02:13 > 0:02:16If you've taken it to your bloody allotment, I'll kill ya!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24BOY: "Winter is also a time for reflection,
0:02:24 > 0:02:27"a time to brush up on gardening knowledge
0:02:27 > 0:02:30"with the help of a book or a television expert."
0:02:30 > 0:02:32It doesn't matter whether it's well-rotted garden compost
0:02:32 > 0:02:34or farmyard manure...
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Manure! Funny you should mention manure.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39You've only been talking it for half an hour.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41You think just because you've got a nice woolly sweater
0:02:41 > 0:02:42and a pair of wellingtons...
0:02:42 > 0:02:45(CHRISTMAS MUSIC CONTINUES)
0:02:55 > 0:02:57(SIGHS)
0:03:13 > 0:03:17BOY: "With the arrival of spring comes relief.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19"The British working man can return to his plot,
0:03:19 > 0:03:23"ready for the hard physical work to begin."
0:03:23 > 0:03:27(ALL CHEW NOISILY)
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Go on, off you go.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33MAN: Have you got any more Bourbons, Kenny?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Oi! Come here. Get off his plot.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Come here.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Kung Sang.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14It's just your dad she wants to see. I know. Yeah.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22Your date of birth, Mr, um... September 20th, 1970.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Yunfu, People's... No, no, no, that's fine.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25I'm sorry, just his birthday.
0:04:25 > 0:04:30I'm so sorry, these notes are in a dreadful mess.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32You can definitely speak English?
0:04:32 > 0:04:36He can speak English, Cantonese, Mandarin, Russian.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38That's fine. And he can speak French.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41He speaks them all. Just not very often.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Your father's had a very bad experience.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Well, you all have.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49You seem very strong.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Well, someone's got to be.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Phoenix, I've looked in here,
0:04:55 > 0:04:57people have tried all sorts to get through to your dad.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01I think we're running out of ideas.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Can't you just give him a tablet or something?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Make him like he used to be? There is something I can give him.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13But I have to be honest with you, if it doesn't work,
0:05:13 > 0:05:15then I think we might have to make some tough decisions.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19You can't go on being the one in charge.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20I can.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40WOMAN: OK, this is us.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Thanks, Dave. OK, Debbie.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46All right.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Don't look so worried, Miriam, I think you're gonna like it.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Father!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54DEBBIE: Now, take your time, have a good look around.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Our plots are down the far end.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59We've even got our own manure, you'll be pleased to hear.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02If you follow me, we'll have a bit of an explore.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06(PHOENIX SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:06:07 > 0:06:09All right?
0:06:20 > 0:06:23(PHOENIX SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:06:28 > 0:06:29DEBBIE: Are you OK there?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34So, they're here, then. Morning.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35WOMAN: Hiya! MAN: Hi.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55MAN: Invasion's started...
0:06:55 > 0:06:57..son. What?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Oh, yeah.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Yeah.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14This is Ali. He's been on the scheme for over a year now.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Very successfully.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19(WOMAN LAUGHS)
0:07:24 > 0:07:25Cor.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Can we grow okra? If you can make it grow.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32It's up to you. Can we grow potatoes?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34You know where I am.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Hello.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Yeah...it's great.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46But...it's forecast to rain later, though.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56DEBBIE: We've got a tool bank, a seed bank, as much advice as you need.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58PHOENIX: You said you were going to give him something.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00We are, we're giving him an allotment.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Listen...
0:08:06 > 0:08:07..when a man's completely broken...
0:08:09 > 0:08:12..you have to put him back together slowly, bit by bit.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Drugs don't always help.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20But being outdoors, growing your own food -
0:08:20 > 0:08:22well, like that over there, look -
0:08:22 > 0:08:24that CAN help.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27All right? (BELL RINGS)
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Yeah.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35My brother-in-law's had his name down for a plot here for years now!
0:08:35 > 0:08:39How come these gyppos arrive, you can jump the queue just like this?
0:08:39 > 0:08:40This one out there, he's got kids.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43It's just basically gonna turn into some kinda kindergarten.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45And, I'll tell you what, some of 'em eat dog.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48All right, OK. Shh. Shh.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50All right. Shh. Shh.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55We are having an influx
0:08:55 > 0:08:58and there's nothing we can do to stop that,
0:08:58 > 0:09:02so we have to present a united front.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Good fences make good neighbours.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06John.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13This is the original Constitution of the Blacktree Road Allotment, 1921.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18Now, if we stick to the letter of the law, as outlined herein,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21then our overseas guests won't have any comeback, will they,
0:09:21 > 0:09:22when we object to their infringement?
0:09:22 > 0:09:24WOMAN: Hear, hear.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Yeah, and we should be welcoming these people.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Exactly. We want to welcome them, but on our terms.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33So we know where we stand and they know where they stand.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36The solution is in our hands.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40For instance, it says in here, it says...
0:09:40 > 0:09:45(READS) .."All sheds...all the sheds have to be kept in good repair
0:09:45 > 0:09:47"and painted regulation red."
0:09:47 > 0:09:49MAN: I didn't know that. MAN TWO: The same colour?
0:09:49 > 0:09:53"No alfresco culinary preparation."
0:09:53 > 0:09:56WOMAN: What's that, then? No barbecues. All right?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59It's all in here. "No ball games."
0:09:59 > 0:10:01All right about that? Great.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04"No livestock." What about my bees?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Bees? Yep, bees.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08What about my goats?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Ah, well, if we allow your goats,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13what are we gonna say to these gyppos when they come along with their dogs?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15But Charlie's got a dog.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I'm not talking about bloody Fido here, am I?
0:10:18 > 0:10:23I'm talking about dogs for fighting, and cockfighting and bear-baiting.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Figaro. MAN: He's got a point.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Eh? What?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29His name's Figaro, not Fido.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35If you keep your goats, they'll be able to do what they like.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39You see, in the past we've had standards, we've lost them,
0:10:39 > 0:10:43we've got to get them back, otherwise we'll be swamped.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52(BOTH SPEAK FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Oh, and your tin of paint's here, Kenny,
0:11:59 > 0:12:01if you want to take it with you.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26All right?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Yeah. Yeah.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36You!
0:12:36 > 0:12:37No ball games!
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Regulation colour, I see.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57It's their place. I'm happy to stick to their rules.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Every time I pour a cup of tea I forget to drink it until it's cold.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02(LAUGHS) Come through.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Would you like a cup of tea? Hello, you.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Colour is, uh...is very important, yes?
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Yes. All the sheds have to be painted the same colour.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Mmm. But not just the sheds.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22It's everyone.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26You know...when a plant
0:13:26 > 0:13:29wants to attract a bee, what does it do?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Flowers?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Colourful flowers.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40If you want to attract her, you're going to have to flower.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41Huh?
0:13:45 > 0:13:47MIRIAM: Mind the paint, it's still wet.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51Oh, it's quite cosy. Come in.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I found these two chairs at the end of the road.
0:13:57 > 0:13:58It's good for him here.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01At home we grew things.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05His father grew a lot of things, so he feels like his father, I think.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I think he's beginning to accept Desmond is dead.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13(SIGHS) DEBBIE: I'll tell you what I notice.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16When I ask how you are, you tell me how George is.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Well, I'm good too.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35(CHILDREN SPEAK FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:14:37 > 0:14:41(CHILDREN SPEAK FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:14:51 > 0:14:53DEBBIE: Not working too hard, I hope.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55No. We've got big plans, though.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19(SIGHS HEAVILY)
0:15:24 > 0:15:26(SIGHS) Hmm.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:16:07 > 0:16:09(PHOENIX SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:16:42 > 0:16:44WOMAN: Are they brown and crusty?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Crusty brown ones? I don't know.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I haven't looked that closely.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Ooh! Ooh, can you turn that shirt down a bit?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53It's so loud it's deafening me.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Take no notice, it's nice. It's got panache, that.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Do you reckon? Yeah, definitely. Panache.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Starting to make a bit of an effort? Who's that for, then?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Leave him alone, you might put him off.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07(BOTH LAUGH)
0:17:42 > 0:17:44By the way, you're working too hard.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48If you cover the ground with this...
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Come on, I'll show you.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Here.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Cover the area.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Then it gets you no sunlight.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58All the weeds and grass, they just die.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I love this project.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29We were hoping they were gonna put him on tablets.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31My mother was on tablets.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34This is better. Pull it tight.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38You too, Mr Kung. It's OK. We can manage.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Keep it tight.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49Plastic keeps the moisture in, keeps the sunlight out,
0:18:49 > 0:18:50then the potatoes grow.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52And, as they grow, they break up the soil.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54The potatoes dig the soil for you.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02All you do is wait and see.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09You don't have to wait right here.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12It takes some time.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Come to our plot.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I've put mine in already.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23You can see what they look like when they're sprouting.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Thanks, by the way.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Right.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Thanks for that, Mike.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Let's pop back to base and get the ball rolling.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34(READS) "To stop overflow when watering plants,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37"first make a well in the compost with a cane.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45"My husband was cultivating melons in his greenhouse.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48"They had grown so large we thought the stems might snap.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52"We made a wooden frame and used some of my old bras as cradles.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57"The melons sat quite happily and won the prize at our annual village show.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08"Anti-ageing formulation leaves your skin with that natural glow."
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Natural glow.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56(DOG BARKS) Figaro!
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Figaro! Hey, come here!
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Figaro! Figaro, come here, you little tripehound.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06He's not disgraced himself, has he?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08He's not left any messages?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Come here. (BREATHES HEAVILY)
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Excuse me.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15You seem very out of breath.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Are you on medication? What?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Are you on medication? Yeah.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23What are you taking?
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Hmm. Here, come. Come on.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Come, come. Come, please.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Hmm. (TUTS)
0:22:39 > 0:22:40You take too many pills.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44How do you know?! You're not a doctor.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Yes, I am a doctor. And you don't need these pills.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Well, maybe that's a matter of opinion, eh?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Maybe they do things differently where you come from.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Well, this one here is for, uh...women problems.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56(GASPS) You have women problems?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03(LAUGHS SOFTLY) (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
0:23:05 > 0:23:07(LAUGHS LOUDLY)
0:23:12 > 0:23:13(BOTH LAUGH)
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Shut it. What does he know?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Why...why would your doctor say you had women's trouble?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I mean, he must be able to tell you're not a woman.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I won't go to the doctor, all right?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30She worries about me, so she goes, tells him the symptoms,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32and she pretends it's her.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36He gives her the tablets and I take 'em. All right?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39(KETTLE WHISTLES) (BOTH LAUGH)
0:24:16 > 0:24:17KENNY: All right?
0:24:31 > 0:24:31Yeah, it's blue.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Do you wanna make something of it?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44(MUTTERS) Nobody's bloody business, is my shed.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34(THUNDER RUMBLES)
0:27:30 > 0:27:31(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:28:23 > 0:28:27MAN: Yeah, well, actually, that's in the original Constitution of 1921.
0:28:27 > 0:28:31Fascinating stuff, eh? Right. OK.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Gosh, this path could do with a bit of a tarmac, couldn't it?
0:28:34 > 0:28:36(LAUGHS) This is my plot, here.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38It's the most productive on the site.
0:28:38 > 0:28:39Hey, come here. You'll like this.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Strawberry cradle.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45Easy for watering, stops rodents.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48On average I get - what? - double the yield.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51Invented it meself. That's excellent, that is.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53I'm impressed.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55It's gonna be a tough one, this, you know.
0:28:55 > 0:28:56A lot of people won't like it.
0:28:56 > 0:29:00John, tell me, were you a copper?
0:29:00 > 0:29:0235 years.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Yeah, I thought so.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09The thing is, John, this is a tough one.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12And if it was just me on my lonesome I couldn't do it.
0:29:12 > 0:29:13Yeah, but you've got your colleague.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Useless. It's you.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20You see, I know you can see this is the right thing for all concerned.
0:29:20 > 0:29:24And I think you're the kind of man that does the right thing, hmm?
0:29:24 > 0:29:25(PHONE RINGS) Carla Davis speaking.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30What do you use that for? Cauliflowers.
0:29:30 > 0:29:31Makes 'em grow bigger.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34There's a prize for the biggest cauli in the show in September.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37He never wins it. It's all boxed off.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39The mayor judges the show,
0:29:39 > 0:29:42and the mayor, he used to be in the Masons with him.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44Now, now, no cynicism.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46You all shit in the same clog.
0:29:46 > 0:29:47(PHONE BEEPS)
0:29:50 > 0:29:52CARLA: Right. He was delightful.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55Right. Is this yours? Yep. Here we are, back at my plot.
0:29:55 > 0:29:56Council? Council.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58CARLA: Half of these are abandoned.
0:29:58 > 0:30:00Immigration?
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Immigration.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04Mike, come on.
0:30:06 > 0:30:07Wait there, John.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Straight in, lads.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14Ah, we've got some raffle tickets, gents, if you want them.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16Two quid a pop, for the lifeboats. See Terry.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31Members only, this meeting, all right? Yeah.
0:30:31 > 0:30:32Hello. Yeah?
0:30:33 > 0:30:35So...we can't come in?
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Voting members only, as you know.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40We don't want to vote, we only want to know what's going on.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43What is going on is for voting members only.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46Yeah, but couldn't they, like, just come in and observe,
0:30:46 > 0:30:49like observer status in the United Nations?
0:30:49 > 0:30:52Who asked you? You said I'm in charge of the door.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54This is the door. Get inside.
0:30:56 > 0:30:57Ha. Kids, eh?
0:30:57 > 0:31:01(LAUGHS) You give 'em a bit of power and what happens?
0:31:01 > 0:31:03United Nations, for Christ's sake.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09TERRY: Just put your plot number on the stub there.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15Right, so, what we've got is guest speakers
0:31:15 > 0:31:18and then this thing about voting procedure.
0:31:18 > 0:31:22You should have had this about that.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25And then the issue of shed colour - namely, Kenny's shed.
0:31:25 > 0:31:27Any points of order?
0:31:27 > 0:31:29Can we sort this shed colour business out first?
0:31:29 > 0:31:31Oh, it's protocol. Guest speakers first.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33Given the seriousness of the situation,
0:31:33 > 0:31:36namely that he is just taking the piss now,
0:31:36 > 0:31:38can we just waive the protocol?
0:31:38 > 0:31:40No, we can't waive protocol.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42That's why it's protocol, so you can't waive it.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Oh, I suppose a blue shed is protocol, is it?
0:31:45 > 0:31:47A blue shed is "any other business".
0:31:47 > 0:31:49(GROANS) (ALL MUTTER)
0:31:55 > 0:31:56My name's Carla,
0:31:56 > 0:31:59and myself and my colleague, Mike, over there,
0:31:59 > 0:32:03we represent a mobile phone company.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07We're here today because we've got permission to build a mast
0:32:07 > 0:32:10on a plot of land within these allotments.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14Now, one or two plots will be directly affected.
0:32:14 > 0:32:15Well, they'll go, basically.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18KENNY: Which plot? At the far end.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21It's where the gyppos are. ALL: Ah!
0:32:21 > 0:32:24We have some overseas guests who have plots down there.
0:32:24 > 0:32:28It will be one of theirs that goes. Oh, well, that's not so bad, then.
0:32:28 > 0:32:29No, but still...
0:32:29 > 0:32:33We do realise that this will cause a certain amount of upheaval.
0:32:33 > 0:32:35And, in consideration of that,
0:32:35 > 0:32:38even though there's no obligation on us to do so,
0:32:38 > 0:32:41we've decided to make a contribution to the funds of the committee.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43MAN: That's interesting. KENNY: How much?
0:32:43 > 0:32:46?5,000. (GASPS) 5,000.
0:32:46 > 0:32:48Is it definitely gonna be one of the gyppo plots, then?
0:32:48 > 0:32:51I'd say so. Five grand for one plot?
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Yeah, we can't just take their plots away, though, can we?
0:32:53 > 0:32:57Uh, well, I've looked into this, and, constitutionally, yes, we can.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59Great.
0:32:59 > 0:33:01Well, we've got a consensus, then.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03Hey, look, these people have worked hard.
0:33:03 > 0:33:04Their plots mean a lot to them.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Right, well, not quite a consensus, but on the way. (LAUGHS)
0:33:07 > 0:33:10I think he's got a point. I mean, who are we to say?
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Well... TERRY: Point of order.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14He's becoming controversial
0:33:14 > 0:33:17and philosophical in order to talk his shed off the agenda.
0:33:17 > 0:33:21This is "questions from the floor" now, and that was a question!
0:33:21 > 0:33:23This mast, what colour is it going to be?
0:33:23 > 0:33:26Well, design's not really part of my portfolio, so...
0:33:26 > 0:33:28What bloody difference does the colour make?
0:33:28 > 0:33:30Oh, I thought colour was the big issue here.
0:33:30 > 0:33:33Well, we can be quite flexible on appearance.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36We usually finish the mast in a sympathetic wood cladding.
0:33:36 > 0:33:37(MURMURING)
0:33:37 > 0:33:41My question is, have you said everything you've got to say, girl?
0:33:41 > 0:33:43Yes, I think so.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45Right, then. Thank you very much, then.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47OK. All right?
0:33:47 > 0:33:49Now can we get on with this bloody meeting?
0:33:52 > 0:33:55Where are you going? These aren't the only busy ones.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58My toms need harding off. Well, you can't go now.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00I can go whenever I like.
0:34:00 > 0:34:03This is an allotment meeting, not the Moscow bloody show trials,
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Marshal bloody Beria!
0:34:06 > 0:34:08Can we do the raffle?
0:34:08 > 0:34:09(DOOR SQUEAKS)
0:34:09 > 0:34:11Please. All right?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13What's happening - the man and woman?
0:34:13 > 0:34:14Oh, them. Oh, them.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17They're from a phone company, just some phone company.
0:34:17 > 0:34:18A phone company?
0:34:18 > 0:34:21They're gonna give us money, you know, for some community thing.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23You mean they're not immigration? (LAUGHS) No.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25They're not going to make difficulties?
0:34:25 > 0:34:27Not difficulties, no.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31(SIGHS HEAVILY)
0:34:35 > 0:34:37Uh, the next thing is voting procedure,
0:34:37 > 0:34:39which is a constitutional change
0:34:39 > 0:34:43and therefore requires a simple majority of members to be present
0:34:43 > 0:34:45in order to be quorate.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49Now that Kenny and his mates have gone we are no longer quorate.
0:34:49 > 0:34:50Oh, bloody hell.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53So now can we do the raffle?
0:34:55 > 0:34:57WOMAN: And the winner is...
0:34:59 > 0:35:02..uh, plot number 22.
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Oh...
0:35:04 > 0:35:06..that's one of those overseas lot, isn't it?
0:35:06 > 0:35:08I think it is, yeah.
0:35:08 > 0:35:10It's terrible. They get everything, don't they?
0:35:10 > 0:35:12Barbara, you can't say that. Well, I'm sorry, but it's true.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15Is it Miriam's? I've no idea.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18TERRY: Three pound of pork chops, three pound of sausage,
0:35:18 > 0:35:20a side of bacon.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24A chicken, a crate of ale,
0:35:24 > 0:35:27a bottle of whisky, 200 cigarettes.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31The ciggies, I should warn you, love, are shite.
0:35:38 > 0:35:39MIRIAM: I'll put this stuff away.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43George. Come and help me, George.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49I told you someone was taking care of us, didn't I?
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Hi. We're from a phone company.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53A mobile phone company. I know.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56Come in. Welcome to Miriam Land.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58Would you like a drink?
0:35:58 > 0:36:00Uh... We have beer, we have lots of beer.
0:36:00 > 0:36:01We won it as a prize.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03Do you want to see what we are growing?
0:36:03 > 0:36:06Well, no, we're just... Touching base.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09Touching base, exactly. Come and see.
0:36:09 > 0:36:12I have beans and okra. (PHONE RINGS)
0:36:12 > 0:36:15ALI: Phone company!
0:36:15 > 0:36:17Hello, phone company. How are you?
0:36:17 > 0:36:19I'm Ali. Good to see you. This is my wife, Soraya.
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Oh, hello. We were just coming to... SORAYA: Hello.
0:36:21 > 0:36:22How are you? Go through, go through.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25Hello! Hello, phone company. So good to meet you.
0:36:25 > 0:36:29So good. So good you are phone company and not something else.
0:36:29 > 0:36:30(ALL LAUGH)
0:36:30 > 0:36:32I'm going to cook for you!
0:36:32 > 0:36:36ALI: Ah! She's a good cook. Not bad, she is good.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39You won't eat meat? Why not? CARLA: I'm vegetarian.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41Are you? Why?
0:36:53 > 0:36:55You look like you are from big company.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57We...we used to have some troubles with immigration.
0:36:57 > 0:36:59But then it was...
0:36:59 > 0:37:02..it was your Member of Parliament, he wrote letter about me.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06He said, "He is school governor, he is a volunteer, he's..."
0:37:06 > 0:37:08(ALI SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:37:08 > 0:37:09I am... Good sort.
0:37:09 > 0:37:10A good sort. (PHONE RINGS)
0:37:10 > 0:37:13Oh. Sorry, excuse me. I'm just gonna take this.
0:37:13 > 0:37:14So we are hopeful. Hello?
0:37:14 > 0:37:16MIKE: Great.
0:37:16 > 0:37:17Uh-huh.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19MIRIAM: I have cigarettes and ale
0:37:19 > 0:37:21and meat.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24They are prizes from the raffle.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26I have the prizes even though I didn't enter.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28That's because somebody's looking after me.
0:37:28 > 0:37:29They are looking after me very well.
0:37:32 > 0:37:33Even my tea's still warm.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35God keeps your tea warm?
0:37:36 > 0:37:37Not God.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40Desmond, my late husband.
0:37:40 > 0:37:41He's taking care of us.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Go. Go on.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Good? Mmm, very good.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52When my father comes back he'll be impressed.
0:37:52 > 0:37:56Where's your father? My mother thinks he is dead.
0:37:56 > 0:37:57She gives up too easily.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Rightio. (TURNS ON RADIO)
0:38:16 > 0:38:18ANNOUNCER: ..our Cuban half-hour.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21(CUBAN MUSIC PLAYS)
0:38:27 > 0:38:29EDDIE: Where's he off to? CHARLIE: No idea.
0:38:33 > 0:38:34BARBARA: Hi.
0:38:37 > 0:38:38(BEE BUZZES) CHARLIE: Any chance of a sausage?
0:38:40 > 0:38:42Attracted to your shirt, John?
0:38:42 > 0:38:44What? The bee.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47It's attracted to your shirt.
0:38:47 > 0:38:48A lot of us are, you know.
0:38:50 > 0:38:52It's not one of mine.
0:38:52 > 0:38:53What?
0:38:53 > 0:38:55The bee.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57That's a white-tailed bee, you get them everywhere.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02I only keep great yellows. Practically extinct now.
0:39:02 > 0:39:04You used to get them all the way down to Cornwall,
0:39:04 > 0:39:07and now it's just the Orkneys and Blacktree Road Allotments.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11Well, if you two are going to, um... talk about the birds and the bees,
0:39:11 > 0:39:13I'll...I'll go and get myself a chipolata.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22I don't actually know anything about birds, it's only bees.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24Right.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Well, I'm just gonna... just gonna get a beer.
0:39:31 > 0:39:32OK, then. OK, bye.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36So, what do you think? Nothing like frozen.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38I wouldn't have known it was the same vegetable.
0:39:38 > 0:39:42No, thanks. This is ideal, this plot, from an access point of view.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49I can smell meat and garlic!
0:39:49 > 0:39:53Our position on alfresco culinary preparation is very clear.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56I'm surprised at you. This is betrayal of what we stand for, this.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58Right, come on.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01(CLAPS) Party's over. Hey, that's...that's my ball.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05You can't just take his ball. We discussed this in committee.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07If you wanna raise an objection
0:40:07 > 0:40:08you have to go through the proper channels.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11Come on, Mr John, don't be so mean.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14Mean?
0:40:14 > 0:40:16The ball.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20I'd be nice to me, if I were you.
0:40:22 > 0:40:23I'd be very nice to me.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26Why is that?
0:40:27 > 0:40:28Never you mind why.
0:40:51 > 0:40:52KENNY: What are they, anyway?
0:40:55 > 0:40:57Only, it better not be anything dodgy.
0:40:57 > 0:40:59Drugs, like. Cannabis.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01Or bloody sunflowers.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Or delphiniums - I can't stand the sight of them.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07I don't want to be looking at delphiniums all day.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19Shark...fin melon.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26Shark fin melon.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28Shark fin melon?
0:41:28 > 0:41:30Oh, that's all right, then!
0:41:30 > 0:41:33Nobody minds a bit of shark fin melon, do they?
0:42:17 > 0:42:18(CLEARS THROAT)
0:42:20 > 0:42:22Hello.
0:42:22 > 0:42:26Erm...I noticed that the rabbits have eaten all your cabbages,
0:42:26 > 0:42:29and I haven't planted mine - I've got plenty.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31Oh, thank you very much.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35Lovely.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41Your old man's not knocking about, is he?
0:42:41 > 0:42:43Of course.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46Only, when I get up quick, say, after I've been weeding,
0:42:46 > 0:42:48I get these spots in front of me eyes.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52If you wait there, he'll see you in a moment.
0:42:56 > 0:42:57(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:43:07 > 0:43:10There you go. Thank you very much.
0:43:10 > 0:43:11You're very welcome.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Best I've ever had. Never felt better since he come along.
0:43:17 > 0:43:20He's got the touch. He helped me with a problem I had.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23Aye. I heard you had a spot of women's trouble.
0:43:23 > 0:43:25The point is, once these phone people move in
0:43:25 > 0:43:27we're gonna lose one of our guests.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30And, between you and me, they've left it up to me which one.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33Well, I'm gonna make sure it's not this fella.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36I mean, he's an asset, isn't he? We don't wanna lose an asset.
0:43:36 > 0:43:37Yeah, but we don't wanna lose Miriam either.
0:43:37 > 0:43:39Why's that?
0:43:39 > 0:43:43Well, cos she's...she's put in so much work, hasn't she?
0:43:43 > 0:43:44She got a nice show of beans.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47What - so I'm gonna say to these phone people,
0:43:47 > 0:43:48"We don't want your five grand
0:43:48 > 0:43:50"because this woman's got a lovely show of beans"?
0:43:51 > 0:43:55It's gonna be a tough decision. I'll tell you that much.
0:43:58 > 0:44:00When people say it's a tough decision, Mike,
0:44:00 > 0:44:03what they mean is they want a present.
0:44:03 > 0:44:05That's what working with the grain of the community means -
0:44:05 > 0:44:06buying people off.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11Come on. Let's do it.
0:44:11 > 0:44:15MIKE: We thought you'd like to acquaint yourselves with our product.
0:44:15 > 0:44:16You know, we're gonna be working together,
0:44:16 > 0:44:20and these phones are what we're all about - communication.
0:44:20 > 0:44:22Yeah? Well, enjoy them.
0:44:22 > 0:44:25You can download ringtones and assign them to different people
0:44:25 > 0:44:27so you can tell who's ringing.
0:44:27 > 0:44:30For instance, if mine does this...
0:44:31 > 0:44:34(PRESSES KEYS) RINGTONE: # Hard work... #
0:44:34 > 0:44:36That means that's my boss, Carla, who's ringing.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38# Hard work, work
0:44:39 > 0:44:42# Hard work... # (TURNS OFF RINGTONE)
0:44:42 > 0:44:43(KEYS BEEP)
0:44:46 > 0:44:48(KEYS BEEP)
0:44:50 > 0:44:53(ME AND MRS JONES RINGTONE PLAYS) Ah! Ha, ha.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56(LAUGHS)
0:44:56 > 0:44:57His name's Jones.
0:44:59 > 0:45:01His missus...his missus is...
0:45:02 > 0:45:05..Mrs Jones.
0:45:05 > 0:45:09SONG: # Me and Mrs Jones... #
0:45:09 > 0:45:11(RINGS BELL)
0:45:12 > 0:45:14(DOOR OPENS) Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
0:45:14 > 0:45:15Big... Are you going out?
0:45:15 > 0:45:17Pilates. I got some, uh...
0:45:17 > 0:45:18(ENGINE STARTS)
0:45:22 > 0:45:23(TURNS OFF RINGTONE)
0:45:26 > 0:45:27This will do for my missus.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30(RABBIT RINGTONE PLAYS) (LAUGHS)
0:45:30 > 0:45:32SONG: # Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit Yap, yap, rabbit
0:45:32 > 0:45:34# Yap, yap, yap, rabbit Rabbit, bunny, jabber, yap
0:45:34 > 0:45:37# Rabbit, bunny, jabber, rabbit Yap, yap, rabbit, rabbit, bunny
0:45:37 > 0:45:38# Yap, jabber, rabbit. #
0:45:38 > 0:45:39Aye-aye? Hello, love.
0:45:39 > 0:45:41Your tea's ready. Oh, good. What are we having?
0:45:41 > 0:45:42Liver and onions.
0:45:42 > 0:45:45(BIG SPENDER RINGTONE PLAYS)
0:45:47 > 0:45:50That will do for her. Yeah.
0:45:50 > 0:45:53SONG: # The minute you walked in the joint
0:45:54 > 0:45:58# I could see you were a man of distinction
0:45:58 > 0:46:00# A real big spender
0:46:00 > 0:46:04# Good-looking, so refined
0:46:04 > 0:46:08# Say, wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind?
0:46:08 > 0:46:10# So let me get right to the point
0:46:11 > 0:46:15# I don't pop my cork for every guy I see
0:46:17 > 0:46:19# Hey, big spender
0:46:21 > 0:46:24# Spend
0:46:24 > 0:46:28# A little time with me
0:46:28 > 0:46:33# Wouldn't you like to have fun, fun, fun?
0:46:33 > 0:46:37# Howsabout a few laughs, laughs?
0:46:37 > 0:46:39# I can show you a... #
0:46:39 > 0:46:40..fine day, a sunny day.
0:46:40 > 0:46:42We've got light winds coming in from the south-west.
0:46:42 > 0:46:45That will be nice. Thanks, love. There could be a touch of frost.
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Gardeners might want to protect those tender plants.
0:46:47 > 0:46:49All right, I'll do that, thanks.
0:46:51 > 0:46:55(PHONES RING AND RINGTONES PLAY)
0:46:57 > 0:46:59(PHONES RING) It's about your shed again.
0:46:59 > 0:47:02It will take a bigger man than anyone here
0:47:02 > 0:47:04to raise their hand and vote against my shed.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06BIG JOHN: Phones off, please. You can enjoy them later on.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09Right, first item - voting procedure.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12Followed by item two - colour of sheds.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Has everyone had this about voting procedure?
0:47:16 > 0:47:18Proposed changes that were appropriate.
0:47:18 > 0:47:23We have a secret ballot rather than a show of hands. Proposed?
0:47:24 > 0:47:26Seconded. Those in favour?
0:47:28 > 0:47:30Carried. Next item, colour of sheds.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34Proposed, to take stringent methods
0:47:34 > 0:47:36to re-enforce colour regulation.
0:47:36 > 0:47:40ie, all sheds to be painted regulation red.
0:47:41 > 0:47:42Proposed?
0:47:44 > 0:47:46Seconded? Proceed to vote.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49By secret ballot.
0:47:51 > 0:47:52Secret what?
0:47:52 > 0:47:55We've just voted on a change to voting procedure.
0:47:55 > 0:48:00That was the change. We've changed to secret ballots.
0:48:00 > 0:48:02You voted for it yourself.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13Collect 'em up, John. Quick as you can.
0:48:16 > 0:48:18Here.
0:48:25 > 0:48:28One against, the rest in favour.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30ONE against? What about...
0:48:31 > 0:48:32What about you two?
0:48:35 > 0:48:36Kenny.
0:48:36 > 0:48:38(DOOR SLAMS) Kenny.
0:48:39 > 0:48:41Kenny, come on, you can't...
0:48:41 > 0:48:43Shut it!
0:49:32 > 0:49:34All right, lad?
0:50:17 > 0:50:18You missed a bit.
0:50:40 > 0:50:42Her skin has that natural glow.
0:50:45 > 0:50:47But...
0:50:47 > 0:50:49..you can't really tell from a photo, can you?
0:50:52 > 0:50:54She looks nice enough, like.
0:51:01 > 0:51:03She's gone now.
0:51:03 > 0:51:04Years since.
0:51:07 > 0:51:10I was at sea.
0:51:10 > 0:51:11We were all right then.
0:51:11 > 0:51:13We used to write to each other, and everything.
0:51:14 > 0:51:17Then I jacked it all in. Next thing I knew, she was gone.
0:51:19 > 0:51:21I never talk about her.
0:51:21 > 0:51:23This lot think I've still got her, but she's gone.
0:51:27 > 0:51:28Do you have a book?
0:51:30 > 0:51:34A what? A book to read.
0:51:34 > 0:51:35In English.
0:51:35 > 0:51:39I only like talking to you cos you can't understand what I'm saying.
0:51:40 > 0:51:42(TOILET FLUSHES)
0:51:42 > 0:51:44(AEROSOL CAN HISSES)
0:51:55 > 0:51:56Potting-on time? Oh, yeah.
0:51:56 > 0:52:00Well, when something's ready you have to let it out, don't you?
0:52:02 > 0:52:04Yeah.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06And if you don't make a move forward, well...
0:52:09 > 0:52:12It gets pot-bound. Like a passionflower, maybe.
0:52:30 > 0:52:32(SNIGGERS)
0:52:32 > 0:52:35Hello. This way.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38He's waiting to see you now.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44Thank you. Hello, Doctor. Hello, Mr John. So, how is it?
0:52:44 > 0:52:46Well, it's like I want to wee, but I can't.
0:53:09 > 0:53:10Ali! Ali!
0:53:10 > 0:53:15(SORAYA SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:53:17 > 0:53:20Dr Ali Masilou of Flat 2, 4 Salisbury House?
0:53:20 > 0:53:22Only, you don't actually live at your registered address,
0:53:22 > 0:53:25do you, Dr Masilou, for some reason?
0:53:25 > 0:53:28As you know, your application for asylum has been rejected
0:53:28 > 0:53:31and your right to appeal has been exhausted.
0:53:31 > 0:53:35Under the Immigration Act of 1989, we are therefore here to remove you
0:53:35 > 0:53:37to a designated detention centre.
0:53:37 > 0:53:39No, no. Please, there's a mistake.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42I have a letter from MP. Can I see this, please?
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Your copy of the letter was sent to your registered address.
0:53:44 > 0:53:46No, no. No, that's not correct.
0:53:46 > 0:53:49I have to ask you again, are you going to come voluntarily?
0:53:50 > 0:53:52Where?
0:53:52 > 0:53:56Please...don't do this.
0:53:56 > 0:53:58You cannot do this. Please, no. No, no, no, no, no.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01No, no, no. Not here, please. No. (ALL SHOUT)
0:54:01 > 0:54:03Please, no! Where are you going?!
0:54:03 > 0:54:05Don't touch my son!
0:54:05 > 0:54:07Put that kid down! Hey, put him down!
0:54:07 > 0:54:10(CONFUSED SHOUTING)
0:54:10 > 0:54:12Give my son back! Leave her alone! You can't take him!
0:54:12 > 0:54:15These are valued members of our community. Aren't they?
0:54:15 > 0:54:17Hey! Aren't they?
0:54:17 > 0:54:19I can assure you, sir, this is all proper procedure.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22Oh, what's proper about it? Get in the vehicle, please.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24You make me ashamed!
0:54:24 > 0:54:26(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
0:54:47 > 0:54:49Where's the sense in it?
0:54:49 > 0:54:52The man's a doctor. How can you have too many doctors?
0:54:53 > 0:54:56They've chucked this lad out of the country who was a good lad,
0:54:56 > 0:54:57and we're keeping hold of all this rubbish.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01What rubbish is that, Kenny?
0:55:01 > 0:55:03People who leave their chewing gum under the seats on buses.
0:55:03 > 0:55:07Why can't they deport them and leave all the doctors here?
0:55:07 > 0:55:09People who collect their kids from school
0:55:09 > 0:55:11and they've got their pyjamas on.
0:55:11 > 0:55:13That lot off the telly. What lot off the telly?
0:55:13 > 0:55:15All of 'em.
0:55:15 > 0:55:18Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton doesn't live here.
0:55:18 > 0:55:21I don't care where she lives. They should get rid of her anyway.
0:55:21 > 0:55:23Charlotte Church! Oh, Charlotte Church.
0:55:23 > 0:55:26Peter Andre! Peter bloody Andre.
0:55:26 > 0:55:28KENNY AND CHARLIE: Peter bloody Andre!
0:55:28 > 0:55:30Justin bloody Timberlake. Right, yeah.
0:55:30 > 0:55:32Oh, yeah. David Hasselhoff.
0:55:32 > 0:55:35ALL: David Hasselhoff.
0:55:35 > 0:55:37Actually, scrub that. Yeah?
0:55:37 > 0:55:40The 100% dog's breath, worst of the lot of them...
0:55:40 > 0:55:42Yeah? Who?
0:55:42 > 0:55:43You two.
0:55:43 > 0:55:45What?
0:55:45 > 0:55:49You traitorous, 40-faced, arse-licking lackeys!
0:55:49 > 0:55:51Secret bloody ballot!
0:56:54 > 0:56:57Would you like to wait in here for a moment? I won't be long.
0:56:59 > 0:57:02You've not come here without me telling you to before.
0:57:03 > 0:57:05Is that a good sign or a bad one?
0:57:08 > 0:57:12You know, you were doing really well before they took Ali away.
0:57:13 > 0:57:16You were working on the plot, you were growing things.
0:57:21 > 0:57:23Kung Sang, you need to talk.
0:57:25 > 0:57:27You know you do.
0:57:56 > 0:57:58Dolce and Gabbana.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01What about 'em?
0:58:02 > 0:58:05Well, you could deport them, couldn't you, Kenny?
0:58:07 > 0:58:09Dolce and Gabbana, aye.
0:58:10 > 0:58:13Tony and Cherie.
0:58:13 > 0:58:15Definite, yeah. Oh, cripes. Yeah.
0:58:15 > 0:58:17Van Morrison. What?
0:58:17 > 0:58:19What's he playing at? At his age.
0:58:20 > 0:58:22Hey, I tell you who could go, my missus.
0:58:22 > 0:58:25Your missus, yeah. And my missus and all, she could go with her.
0:58:25 > 0:58:27Oh, aye, and mine too.
0:58:27 > 0:58:28The mother-in-law.
0:58:28 > 0:58:30And that snotty cow from the post office.
0:58:30 > 0:58:32She could go.
0:58:32 > 0:58:34Simon Cowell. Oh, yeah.
0:58:34 > 0:58:37Ozzy Osbourne. And Sharon.
0:58:37 > 0:58:39Bob the Builder. What?
0:58:39 > 0:58:42Well, he's overcapitalised, isn't he?
0:58:42 > 0:58:44I mean, there's only him and Wendy - look at all the plant they've got.
0:58:44 > 0:58:47Muck, Scoop, Dizzy, a crane.
0:58:47 > 0:58:49What's he need a bloody crane for?
0:58:49 > 0:58:51All he ever does is build a wall. There you go.
0:58:52 > 0:58:53Kenny!
0:58:55 > 0:58:57I need your help.
0:59:07 > 0:59:09Well, you're gonna have to tidy up all this rubbish.
0:59:09 > 0:59:11And these weeds will have to come out.
0:59:11 > 0:59:13Go on, then.
0:59:13 > 0:59:14What? Go on.
0:59:17 > 0:59:20(MUTTERS)
0:59:23 > 0:59:25Well, come on, then.
0:59:25 > 0:59:26I'm not doing it on me own.
0:59:30 > 0:59:34(SIGHS) Who needs to have a door on an allotment?
0:59:42 > 0:59:44That's looking a bit smarter.
0:59:44 > 0:59:46Thanks.
1:00:11 > 1:00:13What exactly are you doing?
1:00:13 > 1:00:15You know, liaising.
1:00:15 > 1:00:18Working with the community. Had some problem with his weeds.
1:00:18 > 1:00:19What's the point in solving his weed problem
1:00:19 > 1:00:21if you're gonna concrete his plot?
1:00:21 > 1:00:23We won't be concreting his plot. We don't know, do we?
1:00:23 > 1:00:26It's up to logistics, isn't it? Well, yeah.
1:00:26 > 1:00:27But that plot's finished with, isn't it?
1:00:27 > 1:00:29We could use that plot without upsetting anyone.
1:00:29 > 1:00:31You know, working with the grain of the community.
1:00:31 > 1:00:33We are community relations.
1:00:33 > 1:00:35Where the mast goes is logistics.
1:00:35 > 1:00:38It's not your pigeon, it's theirs.
1:00:38 > 1:00:40I thought you said it was that guy's pigeon - the chairman.
1:00:40 > 1:00:42I only said that so he'd think he was in the loop.
1:00:42 > 1:00:44I'm only trying to think outside the box.
1:00:44 > 1:00:47We need to think outside the box and inside your pigeon.
1:00:47 > 1:00:49(PHONE RINGS) Carla Davis.
1:00:52 > 1:00:54Hello. Hi.
1:00:54 > 1:00:56No, no, no, everything's going great.
1:01:11 > 1:01:12Kenny!
1:01:12 > 1:01:15What do you want now? Can you buy me some chips, please?
1:01:15 > 1:01:17Can't your dad feed ya?
1:01:20 > 1:01:21Come on, then.
1:01:39 > 1:01:41You won't get chips like this in a chippie.
1:01:46 > 1:01:49(SIZZLING)
1:01:50 > 1:01:51There you go.
1:01:54 > 1:01:56What do you reckon?
1:02:00 > 1:02:02Are you sure he's been feeding ya?
1:02:04 > 1:02:05Oh, don't let me interrupt ya.
1:02:10 > 1:02:11Hmm.
1:02:14 > 1:02:17I'm just looking at all this bloody washing-up now.
1:02:17 > 1:02:18I've got to go.
1:02:25 > 1:02:28(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
1:02:45 > 1:02:46(RINGS DOORBELL)
1:02:50 > 1:02:51(DOOR OPENS)
1:02:58 > 1:02:59Book.
1:02:59 > 1:03:01I thought you might be interested.
1:03:03 > 1:03:06When I was at sea I couldn't settle on a good book.
1:03:07 > 1:03:10So I had this, you know. It's poems.
1:03:12 > 1:03:15Been everywhere with me, that one. Valparaiso, Zanzibar, whatever.
1:03:16 > 1:03:20A few good ones in there. Quite a lot of shite.
1:03:25 > 1:03:28Your plot's all right, if that's what you're worried about.
1:03:29 > 1:03:31Your lad's done a great job there.
1:03:33 > 1:03:35You must have done a great job of him, mind you,
1:03:35 > 1:03:36cos he's a great lad.
1:04:56 > 1:04:57MAN: All right, mate? Oi.
1:04:57 > 1:04:59You can't stand there.
1:05:00 > 1:05:02You can't stand there, mate. You have to move.
1:05:07 > 1:05:09I have two children.
1:05:12 > 1:05:13I brought them here...
1:05:15 > 1:05:17..in one of those.
1:05:21 > 1:05:24We had to leave China because of me.
1:05:27 > 1:05:29Some businessmen came from the city.
1:05:32 > 1:05:34They wanted to take our land...
1:05:36 > 1:05:38..to build their offices.
1:05:39 > 1:05:42I said, "No, this is not right."
1:05:45 > 1:05:47I went to speak to the authorities.
1:05:51 > 1:05:52I just made things worse.
1:05:56 > 1:05:58There was a...big fight.
1:06:02 > 1:06:04They threatened my family.
1:06:07 > 1:06:09So we had to leave.
1:06:17 > 1:06:18Their mother...
1:06:24 > 1:06:26..died on the way.
1:06:34 > 1:06:37We sat with her body...
1:06:39 > 1:06:40..all those days.
1:06:51 > 1:06:54If a man says too much...
1:06:56 > 1:06:58..things get worse.
1:07:02 > 1:07:05In my book, mate, you got something to say, you should say it.
1:07:05 > 1:07:07Just stay away from the fence, all right, mate?
1:07:23 > 1:07:26Twist-Ems for tying peas to pea poles.
1:07:27 > 1:07:30Um...no, I don't think so.
1:07:30 > 1:07:32You wouldn't use a bit of string?
1:07:32 > 1:07:34No, string burns the stems. I'm looking for a plastic.
1:07:34 > 1:07:38Oh. Well, we'll have to see what we can do.
1:07:38 > 1:07:40Cos if there's no flowers, there's no peas.
1:07:42 > 1:07:43Yeah, I know that.
1:07:53 > 1:07:55(SIGHS AND URINATES) Um...
1:08:00 > 1:08:02No flower, do you see?
1:08:03 > 1:08:06Cos you've got to blossom, haven't you?
1:08:06 > 1:08:08Otherwise there's no fruit.
1:08:09 > 1:08:11See what I'm saying?
1:08:13 > 1:08:16Cos you might feel all safe tucked up in your bud,
1:08:16 > 1:08:20but there comes a point where you've got to spread your petals.
1:08:20 > 1:08:22Haven't you?
1:08:23 > 1:08:26Otherwise, as I said, no fruit.
1:08:26 > 1:08:27(TOILET FLUSHES)
1:08:31 > 1:08:32Think about it.
1:08:57 > 1:08:58Oh, no.
1:09:24 > 1:09:26I was... MIRIAM: You did that before?
1:09:29 > 1:09:30You do it all the time.
1:09:30 > 1:09:32Whenever I can.
1:09:32 > 1:09:33(GASPS)
1:09:33 > 1:09:38I like to make sure you're all right, because...well...
1:09:38 > 1:09:39..cos the fact...
1:09:39 > 1:09:42All this time...all this time I think he's looking out for me.
1:09:44 > 1:09:46You buy raffle tickets too?
1:09:46 > 1:09:47Yeah.
1:09:49 > 1:09:50That was YOU?
1:09:52 > 1:09:55Oh, my God.
1:09:55 > 1:09:58I think Desmond is looking out for me.
1:09:58 > 1:10:00He's not looking out for me. No, but I am.
1:10:01 > 1:10:03I'm looking out for you because...
1:10:03 > 1:10:05If he's not looking out for me, where is he?
1:10:05 > 1:10:08I am happy when he's looking out for me,
1:10:08 > 1:10:11because he is dead, OK, but he is still with me.
1:10:11 > 1:10:13If he's not here, where is he?
1:10:15 > 1:10:16I'm on my own.
1:10:16 > 1:10:20No, you're not, because... Because what?!
1:10:20 > 1:10:21Because...
1:10:23 > 1:10:24..because...
1:10:28 > 1:10:30..you are very well thought of.
1:10:34 > 1:10:35Go.
1:10:37 > 1:10:39Leave me alone.
1:10:39 > 1:10:41Just leave me alone.
1:10:41 > 1:10:46You and your stupid, stupid, stupid, horrible shirt!
1:10:46 > 1:10:49Well, hello, Hawaii.
1:10:49 > 1:10:50Is that a shirt?
1:10:50 > 1:10:54Looks more like an accident in a paint factory.
1:10:54 > 1:10:56Hey, have you seen this shirt?!
1:10:56 > 1:10:58It's that loud it could have its own ASBO.
1:10:58 > 1:11:00(LAUGHTER)
1:11:00 > 1:11:02I don't believe it.
1:11:02 > 1:11:04(LAUGHS)
1:11:04 > 1:11:06What have I bred?
1:11:21 > 1:11:23BIG JOHN: Made a right fool of himself.
1:11:24 > 1:11:26Hopefully that's knocked all that out of him.
1:11:27 > 1:11:30Chasing women. (LAUGHS)
1:11:30 > 1:11:32I mean...who'd have him?
1:11:34 > 1:11:36(OPENS DOOR)
1:11:38 > 1:11:40(DOOR CLOSES)
1:11:40 > 1:11:41I thought your shirts were nice, John.
1:11:43 > 1:11:45What's up with you?
1:11:46 > 1:11:49I thought they were...nice.
1:11:52 > 1:11:54(SIGHS)
1:11:55 > 1:11:57(SOBS)
1:11:58 > 1:12:01What's up with her? Your dad is right about you.
1:12:01 > 1:12:03You are useless.
1:12:03 > 1:12:05(SIGHS)
1:12:05 > 1:12:06She thought the shirts were for her.
1:12:08 > 1:12:10What - she wanted my shirts?
1:12:10 > 1:12:14(SIGHS) She thought you were wearing them...
1:12:15 > 1:12:16..for her.
1:12:16 > 1:12:18Oh.
1:12:24 > 1:12:25Oh...!
1:12:28 > 1:12:30John. I'll do it, you wait here.
1:12:30 > 1:12:33John, I've got something for you.
1:12:33 > 1:12:35A-ha. How about that?
1:12:35 > 1:12:37(LAUGHS) Thank you very much.
1:12:37 > 1:12:38It's our pleasure.
1:12:40 > 1:12:42Don't spend it all at once.
1:12:42 > 1:12:44Can I enter this in the show?
1:12:44 > 1:12:47What is it? It's okra.
1:12:47 > 1:12:50Unfortunately, we don't have a category for alien species.
1:12:50 > 1:12:54(SNIGGERS) Okra is a kind of hibiscus, I think.
1:12:54 > 1:12:56I think it's a mallow. Not on these allotments it's not.
1:12:56 > 1:12:59They'll eat anything, won't they?
1:12:59 > 1:13:01Quite good value for one plot, eh?
1:13:01 > 1:13:04(LAUGHS) You're telling me.
1:13:25 > 1:13:26KENNY: It weren't me.
1:13:26 > 1:13:28It was your lad.
1:13:29 > 1:13:31He really put some back into it, you know.
1:13:34 > 1:13:36Good.
1:13:37 > 1:13:38CHARLIE: Well, what do you think?
1:13:38 > 1:13:40These are all right, aren't they?
1:13:57 > 1:13:59MIRIAM: Oh, my God.
1:14:08 > 1:14:10DEBBIE: I take it this is your husband?
1:14:11 > 1:14:14There was some confusion over the name thing. I checked.
1:14:15 > 1:14:17You were on the wrong database.
1:14:19 > 1:14:21I thought you were dead.
1:14:21 > 1:14:24No...I'm not dead.
1:14:26 > 1:14:28I've been in Leicester.
1:14:28 > 1:14:29(LAUGHS)
1:14:41 > 1:14:45BIG JOHN: So, the issue is how we allocate this money
1:14:45 > 1:14:46from the phone people.
1:14:46 > 1:14:48CHARLIE: What you gonna do with it, John?
1:14:48 > 1:14:53Well, obviously, it's a priority to make this meeting area more viable.
1:14:53 > 1:14:55We want proper seating, decent lighting,
1:14:55 > 1:14:58maybe a raised area back here.
1:14:58 > 1:15:00In other words, a throne for His Lordship here.
1:15:00 > 1:15:03The committee is open to suggestions, if you've got any better ideas.
1:15:03 > 1:15:05I do have a better idea, as it happens.
1:15:05 > 1:15:08Security. SOME: Good idea.
1:15:08 > 1:15:10Well, security is an issue, obviously.
1:15:10 > 1:15:13We had an incident down our end just a couple of weeks back.
1:15:13 > 1:15:16Involving a dibber. That's right, involving a dibber.
1:15:16 > 1:15:18I was wondering when you were getting around to it.
1:15:18 > 1:15:22What we need is razor wire, or, if we all chipped in,
1:15:22 > 1:15:24we could have an on-site guard.
1:15:24 > 1:15:26(ALL MURMUR)
1:15:28 > 1:15:29(CLEARS THROAT)
1:15:31 > 1:15:34So the motion is that we earmark the money from the phone people
1:15:34 > 1:15:36to spend on increased security
1:15:36 > 1:15:38rather than doing something about this place.
1:15:38 > 1:15:40Vote away.
1:15:40 > 1:15:42(SIGHS HEAVILY)
1:15:42 > 1:15:44Are you ready?
1:15:44 > 1:15:47You should be ready to get it off 'em as soon as they've finished writing.
1:15:50 > 1:15:54Yes, put the pens in one hand and the papers in the other.
1:15:54 > 1:15:55(MUTTERS)
1:16:02 > 1:16:05The motion is carried. (APPLAUSE)
1:16:11 > 1:16:13Is it the doctor lad's plot they're gonna use,
1:16:13 > 1:16:14the one who they took away?
1:16:14 > 1:16:18No, no, it don't suit. It's gonna be our Oriental pal's plot.
1:16:18 > 1:16:20Motormouth. What?
1:16:20 > 1:16:22You're the one who wanted increased security.
1:16:22 > 1:16:24We've gotta pay for it somehow.
1:16:26 > 1:16:28(OPENS DOOR)
1:16:30 > 1:16:31(DOOR CLOSES)
1:16:50 > 1:16:53So, they're pumpkins, are they? The mystery veg.
1:16:53 > 1:16:59(LAUGHS) That's...a disappointment, isn't it? Pumpkins.
1:17:00 > 1:17:01Except at Halloween.
1:17:02 > 1:17:04Do you have Halloween?
1:17:04 > 1:17:06(WEAKLY MIMICS GHOST)
1:17:08 > 1:17:10You could still enter them in the show, mind you.
1:17:11 > 1:17:14These are, uh...shark fin melon.
1:17:15 > 1:17:17They make a wondrous soup.
1:17:19 > 1:17:22It is a kind of squash.
1:17:22 > 1:17:26It breaks into strands that look like shark meat.
1:17:26 > 1:17:31Shark meat is very expensive, so this is the poor man's shark meat.
1:17:32 > 1:17:35The poor man's luxury.
1:17:35 > 1:17:38The soup is called strands of wonder.
1:17:41 > 1:17:42PHOENIX: Mmm.
1:17:42 > 1:17:44Thank you.
1:17:50 > 1:17:53Wondrous? Wondrous.
1:17:54 > 1:17:55MIRIAM: Wondrous.
1:18:01 > 1:18:03I know what you're up to, and it's not gonna happen.
1:18:03 > 1:18:06Well, I think the decision's... Will have to be changed.
1:18:06 > 1:18:09There's a plot standing empty there with no-one in it.
1:18:09 > 1:18:11But what can I do?
1:18:11 > 1:18:13I can have a word. Mike!
1:18:16 > 1:18:18I can only apologise, Steve.
1:18:18 > 1:18:20I assure...
1:18:20 > 1:18:22Of course, Steve.
1:18:22 > 1:18:24I'll get right back to you. Many thanks. Bye.
1:18:25 > 1:18:28What it is, a few of us have been having a talk,
1:18:28 > 1:18:29we've decided against...
1:18:29 > 1:18:32Against what? We want the lad to keep his plot.
1:18:32 > 1:18:34He's worked hard on it. He's got these melons.
1:18:34 > 1:18:36We've tried his soup, it's called strands of wonder soup.
1:18:36 > 1:18:39OK. Oh, that's good.
1:18:39 > 1:18:41It's fine. We don't actually need your approval.
1:18:42 > 1:18:46How do you mean? Well, we don't need your permission.
1:18:46 > 1:18:47We just wanted you to be happy.
1:18:47 > 1:18:50If you're not happy, you're sad. What can I say? We tried.
1:18:53 > 1:18:54I need a word with my colleague.
1:18:57 > 1:18:59This is your first job, isn't it, Mike?
1:19:00 > 1:19:01I used to do...
1:19:01 > 1:19:05Jobseekers, JobSearch, Jobsworth, all on your back,
1:19:05 > 1:19:07years on end, making your life a misery.
1:19:07 > 1:19:09I know, I've been there.
1:19:09 > 1:19:13And now we're not there, we're here, aren't we?
1:19:13 > 1:19:15Yeah. Lovely.
1:19:15 > 1:19:18Well, if you don't wanna go back there, start doing your job.
1:19:18 > 1:19:21Because I can bust you back there quick as I like.
1:19:21 > 1:19:23I can bust you back there so you stay there forever,
1:19:23 > 1:19:25till you're an old man
1:19:25 > 1:19:27still living on whatever horrible bloody estate it is you live on, OK?
1:19:27 > 1:19:29Do you follow me? Lovely.
1:19:39 > 1:19:42(MACHINERY ROARS)
1:20:48 > 1:20:51You'll be interested to hear, the razor wire has arrived.
1:20:54 > 1:20:57Oi. What are you doing?
1:20:57 > 1:20:59Hang on a minute.
1:20:59 > 1:21:02I boxed a bit, you know, when I was in the police.
1:21:02 > 1:21:03Did ya? Yeah.
1:21:03 > 1:21:05District champion two years running.
1:21:09 > 1:21:11Aye.
1:21:12 > 1:21:14You're barred!
1:21:14 > 1:21:17You're never coming back to these allotments again, do you hear me?!
1:21:17 > 1:21:19I hear ya. So what?
1:23:00 > 1:23:01Barbara, look.
1:25:04 > 1:25:07KENNY: What do you want? I have something to show you.
1:25:24 > 1:25:25Is she gone an' all, is she?
1:25:36 > 1:25:38Everyone wants you back.
1:25:41 > 1:25:43Everyone?
1:25:43 > 1:25:46There was an election.
1:25:48 > 1:25:50A revolution.
1:25:50 > 1:25:52(BARBARA WHISPERS)
1:25:52 > 1:25:55WOMAN: To be honest, I can't tell one end of an artichoke from another.
1:25:55 > 1:25:57(BARBARA WHISPERS) (WHISPERS) Well, if you say so.
1:25:57 > 1:26:01(WOMEN WHISPER)
1:26:01 > 1:26:04That one's way too big. 15 inches or over? Look at the state of it.
1:26:04 > 1:26:08What we're looking for with a marrow, size isn't everything.
1:26:08 > 1:26:10We're looking for the girth and the smoothness.
1:26:12 > 1:26:14BIG JOHN: Unanimous.
1:26:15 > 1:26:18That means you voted against your own father.
1:26:19 > 1:26:20Yeah.
1:26:26 > 1:26:29WOMAN: I'd like to thank your new chairwoman, Barbara,
1:26:29 > 1:26:31for inviting me here today.
1:26:31 > 1:26:35We in the council are very proud of our allotments policy.
1:26:35 > 1:26:37Personally, I don't know much about gardening,
1:26:37 > 1:26:41but I do know a lot about grass because of my Crown Green bowling.
1:26:41 > 1:26:44Which is how Barbara and I became friends.
1:26:44 > 1:26:45Another bloody stitch-up, then.
1:26:45 > 1:26:47First prize of the day is
1:26:47 > 1:26:51the cauliflower, dressed, with 3-inch stalk,
1:26:51 > 1:26:53and that goes to plot number five.
1:26:54 > 1:26:56Oh. (APPLAUSE)
1:27:06 > 1:27:08Well done. Very good.
1:27:08 > 1:27:11And on to the prize for the heaviest onion.
1:27:11 > 1:27:14This goes to plot number three.
1:27:14 > 1:27:15And that's me.
1:27:15 > 1:27:19WOMAN: (LAUGHS) Well done, Barbara. (APPLAUSE)
1:27:19 > 1:27:21Thanks, Pat.
1:27:21 > 1:27:24Now we're moving to table marrow not to exceed 15 inches.
1:27:26 > 1:27:29It's me again. (MURMURING)
1:27:29 > 1:27:31Well done, Barbara, again!
1:27:31 > 1:27:32Thank you. (LAUGHS)
1:27:32 > 1:27:34Oh, bloody hell.
1:27:34 > 1:27:39Oh, I hate all this. (MUTTERS) I'm not going in there.
1:27:39 > 1:27:40Annual show.
1:27:42 > 1:27:43I've had enough of all that.
1:28:59 > 1:29:02(APPLAUSE)
1:29:03 > 1:29:06So, finally...
1:29:07 > 1:29:11..on to the Betty Ratcliffe Memorial Trophy
1:29:11 > 1:29:14for the best overall plot.
1:29:14 > 1:29:17And that goes to plot number 22.
1:29:17 > 1:29:21(APPLAUSE)
1:29:21 > 1:29:23Oh.
1:29:23 > 1:29:26Well done. Congratulations.
1:29:32 > 1:29:35Well, that concludes business. Sorry, standing too close.
1:29:35 > 1:29:37Sorry. No. Don't be sorry.
1:29:37 > 1:29:39I don't mind you being close.
1:29:39 > 1:29:40BARBARA: ..for officiating this afternoon,
1:29:40 > 1:29:42and looking forward to another happy year.
1:29:42 > 1:29:45(APPLAUSE)
1:29:49 > 1:29:51(SIGHS)
1:29:54 > 1:29:55You missed a bit.
1:29:57 > 1:29:59Sorry.
1:30:05 > 1:30:09MUSIC: "Goin' Back To My Roots" by Lamont Dozier
1:30:22 > 1:30:25# Zippin' up my boots
1:30:26 > 1:30:31# Goin' back to my roots, yeah
1:30:31 > 1:30:34# To the place of my birth
1:30:35 > 1:30:38# Back down to earth
1:30:40 > 1:30:42# I've been standing in the rain
1:30:45 > 1:30:48# Drenched and soaked with pain
1:30:50 > 1:30:53# Tired of short-term benefits
1:30:54 > 1:30:58# And being exposed to the elements
1:30:58 > 1:31:03# I'm homeward bound got my head turned around
1:31:05 > 1:31:08# Going back to being myself
1:31:09 > 1:31:13# I can't live with nobody else
1:31:14 > 1:31:17# I've been living in a world of fantasy
1:31:18 > 1:31:22# Cos I'm going back, I'm going back to reality
1:31:23 > 1:31:26# I've been searching for ages, I get all the time
1:31:27 > 1:31:31# Till happiness, happiness was just a state of mind
1:31:31 > 1:31:35# I'm going back home, I'm going home
1:31:36 > 1:31:40# I'm going back home where I belong
1:31:46 > 1:31:48# Zippin' on my boots
1:31:49 > 1:31:53# Goin' back to my roots, yeah
1:31:54 > 1:31:56# To the place of my birth
1:31:58 > 1:32:01# Back down to earth... #