0:00:02 > 0:00:04CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS
0:00:13 > 0:00:15'I'm not crazy.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18'I'm a long way from crazy.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21'Doing one crazy thing does not make a person crazy.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23'Though I have to admit,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26'this isn't how I expected to be spending my Christmas.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30'And I'm sure it's not how David Martin planned on spending his.'
0:00:30 > 0:00:33So, you've been walking for what, about an hour?
0:00:34 > 0:00:37And you've gone exactly 1.8 miles.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40The nearest gas station is 20 miles away.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41You do the math.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Look, why don't you just come back to the house?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46We'll make some hot chocolate, OK?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Are you OK?
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Nothing smart to say?
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Is your face frozen?
0:01:03 > 0:01:05You...
0:01:05 > 0:01:06are...
0:01:07 > 0:01:08..the devil.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22ALARM BEEPS
0:01:31 > 0:01:33'The day started out like every other day,
0:01:33 > 0:01:36'which lately, is not necessarily a good thing.'
0:02:06 > 0:02:08TELEPHONE RINGS
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Oh, crap!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Trudie, that word is so tacky.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22- 'Hi, Mum.'- Hi, honey.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26We're getting organised. We brought everything. You never know with a rental.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30- 'So, you have directions and everything?'- I do.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34I'm doing seating arrangements for dinner, so is Nick still coming with you?
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Of course he is.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Cocktails at six sharp.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40I know, Mum!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46'We are so excited to meet him. It'll be a very special Christmas.'
0:02:46 > 0:02:50- D'you think he could be the one? - I don't know, Mum.
0:02:50 > 0:02:55- Oh.- Yeah, maybe he could. Look, I don't have time to talk about this right now.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- I've got to get ready for the interview.- Oh, wait, wait! Wear your Christmas dress.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03It's a great colour on you and the style really slims your hips.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08Mum, no, I'm already dressed! And please, for Christmas this year, no more pink sweaters, please!
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Pink is the best colour on you with your blue eyes...
0:03:11 > 0:03:18- Look, I don't even know if it fits any more.- 'I am telling you, you have...'- OK. OK. OK!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- No, no, no. I don't have time to talk to...- 'Hey!'- Hey, Dad.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- You did tell Mr Portnoy I don't have any sales experience? - What do you mean?
0:03:25 > 0:03:30- You sold him lemonade.- I sold him lemonade when I was 10, when he called me Little Pootie.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Never take no for an answer. Do not leave that room until the job is yours, OK?
0:03:34 > 0:03:39- OK. What did you tell him I'd been doing?- Well, I didn't. I just said you were a late bloomer,
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- BUT that you're getting your life together. Make me proud. Can't wait to see you. Love you.- OK.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Drive safe, OK? Bye. Love you.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49I can feel it, honey. I think things are turning around for you!
0:03:49 > 0:03:54- OK. Bye, Mum.- Oh, honey, honey, be sure to do something with your hair.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Oh, my God!
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Oh, no! This can't be happening! Aghhh!
0:04:01 > 0:04:06'Yep, the day started out like any other, except it was almost Christmas.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10'And the constant pressure from my parents to get a real job
0:04:10 > 0:04:13'and a serious boyfriend was taking its toll.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15'It was enough to drive anyone nuts.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18'But aren't most of us just a hair away from crazy anyway?
0:04:18 > 0:04:23'I think the difference between sanity and insanity often comes down to timing.'
0:04:27 > 0:04:29You... BEEPS HORN
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- Hi, Trudie Chandler. I have a... - You're late.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47- I know. I'm sorry... - He can't see you now.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Oh, no, no, you don't understand.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51My parents and Mr Portnoy are neighbours.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54My dad set this appointment. It's important I see him.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57If it was so important, you should have been on time.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59He's in with his next interview.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04No. No, he can't be. No. I can't miss this interview!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Don't even think about it!
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Mr Portnoy! It's me! Little Pootie, from the corner? Come on!
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Come on, you know I can sell.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- I made more money than any of those girls on the street! - We have a code red up here.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32But things are finally turning around for me!
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- How'd it go? - I'm pretty sure I didn't get it.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49What are you doing? I don't pay you to chat with your friend.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Get to work, or you'll be out in the gutter.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Shut up, Taj! You're going to fire me like I'm going to sleep with you.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59He'd not keep his grandfather's gun here if he knew how close I come to killing him every day.
0:06:01 > 0:06:06- Oh, my God!- Oh, I left it in too long. My mum's always complaining that my hair hangs in my face.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Oh, my God!
0:06:09 > 0:06:11It's my Christmas dress. My mum got it for me.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- Taj is really into Christmas this year.- But he's Hindu.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22- How do I look?- Oh, sweetie.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Oh, Lucy! I completely blew the interview.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28I can't believe I have to go home today, there's going to be nowhere to hide!
0:06:28 > 0:06:31My mum wanted this to be a special Christmas, so she rented a cabin.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34We're going to be trapped like The Shining.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35I'm sorry.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40I'd offer to come too, but Steve and I are having our first Christmas alone together.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45- I have one more chance for survival. Nick's coming with me. - Table 2 wants their cheque.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- What? That's a little fast. - It's been a couple of months.
0:06:48 > 0:06:53I've nothing to offer them - no husband, no grandchildren, my dad already thinks I'm a lesbian.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- So you're using Nick to get your parents off your back?- Yes. No!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00He's great at first impressions. My parents will love him.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02What do you have against him?
0:07:02 > 0:07:06- Elitist jackasses aren't my type. They're not yours, either. - So his family owns banks!
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- What's wrong with wealthy and successful?- He's born into wealth and handed success.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16Well, he's coming at two o'clock, so can you try to control the chronic bitch-itis, please?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Table 2, cheque! Hurry up!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I said I wanted a hot fudge, you chowder-head!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Nice.- Excuse me.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- When are you going to quit this heinous job?- Oh, you're here! Yes!
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Oh, my God! What happened to you?
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- I was trying not to attract attention from my parents.- Yeah, about that.
0:07:43 > 0:07:48- I'm going to pass on the whole holiday song-and-dance. - What is that supposed to mean?
0:07:48 > 0:07:53- Meeting your parents is a whole other level and I don't think we're there yet.- Oh, OK. OK. Uh-huh.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Do you think that in the next 10 minutes we could get to that level?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Because my parents are expecting you to come home with me!
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- I don't think we're ever going to get there.- You can't bail on me, Nick!
0:08:03 > 0:08:08I mean, cocktails are at six o'clock sharp! I need you!
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Yeah, the needy thing? Not a turn on.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I can't believe this! This is not happening!
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Why did you say you'd come home if you were never going to do it?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Because I knew that that's what you wanted to hear.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25You know, we hadn't had sex yet, so...
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Yeah. See you later.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Wait!
0:08:30 > 0:08:34If you walk out that door now, we are so over.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Er, yeah. OK.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
0:08:48 > 0:08:53- Hey, what's up? I'm waiting for Jessica.- Right over there. - Dude, of course I'm sure.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55So wish me luck, OK?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Thank you. Bye.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06Hey! Hey, hey, wake up! Come on! Hurry up. Customer, Table 10. Go! Go, go.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Took you long enough!
0:09:11 > 0:09:12What can I get for you?
0:09:12 > 0:09:18Uh, I'll take a cheeseburger and fries and a Caesar salad, please. Dressing on the side.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Do you need to write it down?
0:09:37 > 0:09:42- VOICES DISTORTED '..said you were a late bloomer. - ..you can't bail on me now!
0:09:42 > 0:09:49- '..cocktails are at 6 o'clock. - I knew that was what you wanted to hear and we hadn't had sex yet...
0:09:49 > 0:09:52'..I don't think we're ever going to get there.'
0:09:53 > 0:09:55You OK? Where's Nick?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Oh, merry Christmas!
0:09:58 > 0:09:59RINGING
0:09:59 > 0:10:01What is that ringing?
0:10:03 > 0:10:05What is that?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08PHONE RINGS
0:10:08 > 0:10:13- Hello, Mum?- Trudie? I knew it. You haven't left yet, have you? - I'm sorry, Mum.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17I said six o'clock! Honey, what part of that did you not understand?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21'The entire world can manage to be on time, why can't you do this one thing for me?'
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Are you trying to ruin Christmas?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- Trudie?- We're leaving now.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- 'Nick's bringing dinner clothes, right?'- Yeah.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33He's wearing a blue blazer, dress shirt, pink tie.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- 'Did you plan the matching pink?' - No.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- 'We didn't plan it.'- Get in the car.
0:10:43 > 0:10:50- Excuse me.- You're not going.- This isn't the rest room?- Come with me. - No. I'm going to the bathroom.
0:10:50 > 0:10:56Look, I'm not sure what kind of government-sponsored work programme you're part of, but I...
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- What the hell's that?- It's a gun!
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- Are you sure?- Yes. It was used to fight the British.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Maybe you've heard of a little thing called the Indian War of Independence, 1857?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08- You're kidding, right?- Move it!
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Hey, watch it!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Aggh!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25For the love of God!
0:11:30 > 0:11:31Wake up!
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Wake up.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Ah, you, listen.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45- Excuse you?- Mmm. I'm looking for my boyfriend - handsome, nice dimples.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Handsome, nice dimples. Don't see him.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Maybe this is his way of dumping you.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Oh!
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- Uggh.- Hi!- Huh?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- Hi?- How's your head?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14How about I take the blindfold off now? How'd that be?
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Hi.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Look...
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Look, I'm not sure what's going on, or what you want from me,
0:12:28 > 0:12:31but this plan doesn't seem very well thought out.
0:12:31 > 0:12:36Let's face it, I'm a guy, and sooner or later, I will overpower you.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Good point. Unless you knock yourself out first...
0:12:40 > 0:12:42..or I shoot you.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46You seem like a nice girl.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Probably nothing a little lithium couldn't fix.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Come on, you're not really going to shoot me with that thing.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Aggh!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- Aggh!- Oh, my God!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Oh, my God!
0:13:04 > 0:13:05Sorry.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19So this is the deal.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24You're coming to spend Christmas with my family, as my boyfriend Nick, who couldn't make it.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26I'm not doing anything like that, Looney Tunes.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- You don't exactly have a choice, Dwane.- It's David, and...
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Oh-h?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Your boyfriend dumped you.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37No, I told you! He couldn't make it.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Right.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44You're one of those hairy-lady man-hater types who's been rejected time after time
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- and now you're taking it out on an innocent bystander! - What? No, I'm not!
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Gas, gas station. Green and white sign, green and white...
0:14:07 > 0:14:11You know there's no way you're going to pull this off, right?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14You going to hold the gun at Christmas dinner?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17The second I tell your family how demented you are...
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Hey! Hey, that's getting personal.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Hey! What are you doing? - No cellphone?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25It's in my coat.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30At the diner. Where I left it, before I was kidnapped!
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Man, what is this stuff made of?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- Hello.- Hi.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Uh, just ten dollars' worth and this.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06There you go. I usually pump the gas for the pretty ladies.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Oh, please, that's not necessary.
0:15:09 > 0:15:14- Oh, you wouldn't want to deny an old man one of the few pleasures he has left.- Oh, no, really.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16You don't have to do that. I can do it.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20- Whoa, what's going on here, sweetheart?- Oh, that's my boyfriend.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I'm surprising him with a weekend in the woods,
0:15:23 > 0:15:27the wild kind of weekend, the tie-me-up, tie-me-down kind.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- You'd better come with me, young lady.- I really don't have time!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49These are on the house, honey!
0:15:49 > 0:15:50Oh! Oh.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Thanks.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58- Better watch out, or I'll come back for you next!- Hee-hee-hee!
0:16:04 > 0:16:05OK!
0:16:06 > 0:16:11So, this kidnapping just got a little bit more professional.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12You're kidding.
0:16:18 > 0:16:23- And more comfy too, right?- And just slightly more humiliating.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Lucky little bastard!
0:16:41 > 0:16:47Look, I'd like to apologise for earlier, for raising my voice and for, you know,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50shooting near your...manhood.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Beef jerky?
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Thank you, that's very kind.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03OK. So I think we should share a few important facts about each other.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Let me guess, um...
0:17:06 > 0:17:10you're some sort of a vice-president, of a company your father owns?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14OK, that's a yes.
0:17:14 > 0:17:21Um...your parents bought your first house, you sail and golf.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I'm guessing a 14 handicap.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29And you're probably some sort of a Zeta Beta Beta Schmeta.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32OK, yes, yes and yes.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I'm a 10 handicap.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39Oh, great for you(!) I think it's safe to say I've lost my job at Taj's Diner Deluxe.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42I live in a crappy loft downtown, I don't golf.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44That pretty much sums it up.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09OK, I'll be right back.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Oooh, there she is!
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Look who's here. Oh, my baby! Oh-ho-ho!
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- Mum, don't cry. - Let me look at you. Oh, my God! What have you done to your hair?
0:18:33 > 0:18:38- You look like one of those actresses in a pornographic movie. - I have porn star hair?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- How do you even know what a porn star looks like?- Trudie! Let me look at the dress.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Oh, it looks gorgeous.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- What do you think, Richard? - It's too tight!- Hi, Dad.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- So, what the hell happened today? - I don't know. I was late.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Mr Portnoy did this as a favour. It's a reflection on me.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- I know, and I'm sorry.- Could we not talk about this now?
0:18:56 > 0:19:02- I don't want to ruin Christmas by all this negative talk. Where's Nick?- Oh, he's in the car.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07You know when we go to a restaurant, and Dad tells jokes to the waitresses and they're embarrassing,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09but he thinks it's funny?
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Well, sometimes when Nick feels awkward in a social situation,
0:19:13 > 0:19:16he does this "I've been kidnapped" thing.
0:19:16 > 0:19:21Kind of weird, but he thinks it's funny. So just laugh along so it doesn't make him feel bad, OK?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25OK.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28We're very excited to meet him.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Dad, please try not to embarrass him, OK?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Yeah, fine.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40OK, we're on.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42No! I'm not going.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46Well, it's nice and warm in the house. You'll freeze to death out here.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Fine, this charade's about to end right now.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Welcome. This is so, so special.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06- You are the first boyfriend Trudie's ever brought home.- Yeah,
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- we thought maybe she liked the innies, you know, not the outies. - Richard!- You know what I mean?
0:20:11 > 0:20:15OK, listen to me very carefully.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17She forced me to come here.
0:20:17 > 0:20:24This woman held me at gunpoint, kidnapped me and brought me to this house as her hostage.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- Yeah!- I see what you mean.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32What are you laughing at? Did you just hear me?
0:20:32 > 0:20:36Your daughter is a crazy, dangerous criminal.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Yes, she is.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Would you like some egg nog?
0:20:40 > 0:20:44I have a secret ingredient that makes all the difference. It's ground cloves.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47What's the matter with you people? Are you all nuts?
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- All right, honey, that's enough. - I will be right back.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- Have yourself a seat, Nick. - My name is not Nick!
0:20:52 > 0:20:58- Yeah, he does that too.- And I will not have a seat.- OK, well, I'm going to go help Mum with the egg nog.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Well...
0:21:05 > 0:21:09Hey, look! Nick, have a seat. Come on.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Mum, I was wondering if I could be key master this year.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Really? Usually, you hate the idea of key master.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Being forcibly trapped for the holidays used to bother me
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- but now I see the higher social purpose.- Aha.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Are you sure you can handle Grandma?
0:21:24 > 0:21:28- You know how she is. That's before she dips into the egg nog. - She's 75 years old.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Yes, but she's still freakishly strong.- I think I can handle it.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I'm trusting you.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Hello!
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Hello!
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Is anyone out there?
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Help.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43Look, sir. I think I can clear up this situation and we can forget the whole thing ever happened.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46- I just need to use the phone. - No phones in the house.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48What about a cellphone?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50The key master's got all the cellphones.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Apparently, it interferes with our quality family time.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58Oh, God. What are you going to do?!
0:22:58 > 0:23:00The gang's all here.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- Hey!- Hello, how did my kids get so good-looking?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- The most beautiful girl in the world.- Merry Christmas.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09I want to hear all about school. Hey, how are you stud?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11It's good to see you. So glad you're here.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Gosh, you look stunning. Have you lost weight?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16No, I cut out dairy, though.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- You look fantastic.- Thanks, Mum.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- Hi.- Mum, you have really made it look perfect and Christmassy.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Yes, some digs.
0:23:25 > 0:23:30- Did you cash in Dad's 401k? - Where's Jen? I thought she was coming.- I told you she had to work.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32I'm lucky I could take the time off.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- You work too hard.- Well, markets don't stop when I'm not there, Ma.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Hey, numb nuts. Come here.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- Look at this hair. What is that? - Stop it.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44Jake, we have company. We'd like you to meet Trudie's boyfriend, Nick.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46- Hey, nice to meet you. - I'm not her boyfriend!
0:23:46 > 0:23:49I met her today when she poked a musket in my ribs,
0:23:49 > 0:23:52tied me up with furry handcuffs and drove me to wherever I am right now.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Furry handcuffs?! Now I'm embarrassed.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57THEY LAUGH
0:23:57 > 0:24:01He's... It's... Oh, it's a whole thing...
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Come here. Look, Jake... Is it Jake?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06You look like a reasonable person.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Listen to me, man. You may think your sister is normal, but she's not.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Believe me. She is a psychopath!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Tell me about it. Huh?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18All right, I want egg nog.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Come on, Nick.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Merry Christmas. Come on.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31OK, Nick, you'll be in here.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Mum, I am 27 years old, I'm going to sleep in the same room as my boyfriend. End of story.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38OK, dear.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Yeah, you better get used to these bunk beds.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48That's what you'll be sharing with your new jail buddies, Mad Dog and Roz.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Why don't you try and relax?
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Make no mistake, freakshow, I WILL find a way out of here.
0:24:54 > 0:25:00What's going to keep me going is the look on your twisted face as they haul you off to the slammer.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03You might as well settle down because there's no way out of here.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06As the key master, I have control of all the car keys
0:25:06 > 0:25:09and cellphones which I've hidden well, if I say so myself.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11You might as well get a good night's sleep
0:25:11 > 0:25:14because we have a couple of big days ahead of us, shnookums.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43(Be the keymaster. Be the keymaster.)
0:26:02 > 0:26:04There's got to be a neighbour somewhere.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27So, you've been walking for, what, about an hour?
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Why don't you just come back to the house, we'll make some hot chocolate, OK?
0:26:45 > 0:26:46No hot chocolate for you, then?
0:26:54 > 0:26:58MOBILE BUZZES
0:27:07 > 0:27:10- Hello?- Hey, it's me. What happened to you yesterday?
0:27:10 > 0:27:13You looked strange and then I turned around and you were gone.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- Are you OK?- Yeah, I'm fine.
0:27:16 > 0:27:17Well, not exactly fine.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20I think I had a little bit of a nervous breakdown.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22I didn't know they came in sizes.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Yeah, and I did something kind of crazy.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Hey! Good morning.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- Morning.- Come on, sit down. I'll make you a special breakfast.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- It's not that big of a deal. - Not that big of a deal?!
0:27:45 > 0:27:46You have to let him go now.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49What will you do after the holidays? You can't keep him. He's not a puppy.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I know. I haven't thought that far ahead, but I'll figure it out.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55I hope you like eggs benedict and I hope you're hungry.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Fruit salad.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02- There you go.- Thank you.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09You didn't sleep in those clothes, did you?
0:28:09 > 0:28:13- I'm trying to tell you that...- In all the chaos, we forgot his suitcase.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17That's right. I left it at the diner.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20I should call about that, bunny. Could I borrow your phone, please?
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Sorry, I didn't bring my phone, sweet pea.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Yes, you did. It's in your...
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Trudie!
0:28:28 > 0:28:30You were supposed to put that away.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Right. Forgot.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35I'll go get you something to wear while I wash your clothes.
0:28:35 > 0:28:40Richard always brings a few things he thinks he'll be able to fit into if he loses ten pounds.
0:28:44 > 0:28:48- Give me the phone.- Come and get it. - Give it!- No!
0:28:53 > 0:28:57- I ran track in high school.- I played football and my nickname was Flash.
0:28:57 > 0:28:58Ooh, scary.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07You know, I was also really good at home ec.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09Really, that's useful.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12Right, it is because I was really good at making one dish.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15- What's that?- Beef tenderloin.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19- Extra tender.- Don't do it!
0:29:26 > 0:29:31- Here you go, Nick.- Thank you.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41This sucks.
0:29:41 > 0:29:45So the sheepdog says, "Sheepdog don't talk".
0:29:45 > 0:29:47- Do you get it?- No.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54- Oh, nice look.- Reaganomics!
0:29:55 > 0:29:56NO!
0:29:59 > 0:30:01I forgot the extra virgin olive oil.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03How could that have happened?!
0:30:10 > 0:30:14- I'd be happy to go to the store for you.- No, Mum.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17I should go. It'd be rude to send a guest.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19It is a long drive.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21No, really. It'd be my pleasure.
0:30:21 > 0:30:25Nick, thank you so much but, you know what? Richard will drive, you go with him.
0:30:25 > 0:30:30- Mum...- Trudie, this is a good opportunity for the men to have some quality time together.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32- Mum!- Gertrude Marie.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Well, come on, Nick.
0:30:37 > 0:30:42- Richard is driving. - You go get the keys. Thank you.
0:30:48 > 0:30:52HE HUMS
0:30:54 > 0:30:55This should undo the damage.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57I don't know what you were thinking.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59Who perms their hair anymore?!
0:30:59 > 0:31:03No offence, but this look says desperate.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05Guys can tell when you're trying too hard.
0:31:05 > 0:31:09- Are you dating anyone at law school, Katie?- I'm dating a few guys.
0:31:09 > 0:31:10Katie!
0:31:10 > 0:31:13I didn't say I slept with them. I'm not a slut.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15I know.
0:31:15 > 0:31:20I want to know how Trudie hooked up with Nick. He is so hot.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23Oh, I just gave him no choice.
0:31:23 > 0:31:27- But to love me. - Well, he is something. He's well-spoken, he's successful.
0:31:27 > 0:31:31He's handsome. I think your father's taken a liking to him.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33I'm sure they're bonding.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46- Mister, you have to help me, I've been kidnapped!- Let me guess.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49By a sexy lady in a pink dress?
0:31:49 > 0:31:50Yes, yes, you remember!
0:31:50 > 0:31:53And she tied you up and blindfolded you?
0:31:53 > 0:31:55Yes, that's right, that's right!
0:31:55 > 0:32:00- And she spanks you and does naughty things.- What are you doing?
0:32:00 > 0:32:02That's disgusting.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05Extra virgin olive oil.
0:32:05 > 0:32:09What does that mean? Can you really be an extra virgin?
0:32:09 > 0:32:11THEY LAUGH
0:32:11 > 0:32:16That little woman at home loves to have everything lathered up in oil.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Not that I'm complaining.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20That's the best thing about the holidays -
0:32:20 > 0:32:24no guilt. Right, son?
0:32:31 > 0:32:34KNOCK AT THE DOOR
0:32:38 > 0:32:40Where in God's name are we?
0:32:40 > 0:32:43I'm freezing my ta-tas off.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Merry Christmas to you too, Grandma.
0:32:45 > 0:32:46Don't call me that.
0:32:57 > 0:33:01All right. I'm not leaving until you help me.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03I'm using that phone!
0:33:03 > 0:33:07There's not going to be any trouble in my store, super freak.
0:33:07 > 0:33:11Now, back that ass up nice and slow.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27I'm going to turn the radio...
0:33:33 > 0:33:35I'm busting out of here!
0:33:35 > 0:33:41- Calm down, son. - I just want to go home.- I know.
0:33:41 > 0:33:45Relationships can seem suffocating at times but, you know, it'll pass.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52Don't you worry, this'll be our little secret.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05- There it is. - Don't take the pieces from my side.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07- There's pieces missing. - How did it go?
0:34:07 > 0:34:09Everything's fine, honey.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12Yeah, everything's fine.
0:34:12 > 0:34:13TROUSERS TEAR
0:34:19 > 0:34:22Oh, just like Paul Newman.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24- Nice, firm...- Grandma?!
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Dolores Grant.
0:34:26 > 0:34:27Nice to meet you.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31Hey, dude, I've got some clothes you can borrow. Come on.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Whatever. Thanks, man.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42I didn't like those pants anyway.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46Here. Try those.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54You have a phone?
0:34:54 > 0:34:55Yes. Keep it to yourself.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57You know how my mum is about phones at Christmas.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03I need to make a call. Could I borrow it for a minute?
0:35:04 > 0:35:08- Sure.- Thanks.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24SHE KNOCKS
0:35:24 > 0:35:27- I'll be out in a minute. - Let's go, in there, sunshine.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29'Hi, you've reached Jessica's voicemail.'
0:35:29 > 0:35:31Damn it!
0:35:31 > 0:35:34PHONE RINGS
0:35:38 > 0:35:39Maria.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43Hello?
0:35:43 > 0:35:44Mrs Barber? It's David.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Hello, darling. Merry Christmas.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51I was looking for Jessica, but I don't have time for that. Listen, I've been taken hostage.
0:35:51 > 0:35:56Maria, I can't reach my drink.
0:35:56 > 0:36:00- Mrs Barber, are you there?- Let me get Jessica for you, darling. Jessica!
0:36:00 > 0:36:04- No, Mrs Barber, wait!- Maria. Maria.
0:36:04 > 0:36:05Aah!
0:36:05 > 0:36:09Oh, no, Mrs Barber. Not again.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12Hey, where's Nick?
0:36:12 > 0:36:15- He's on the phone. - Phone?! What phone?
0:36:15 > 0:36:16My phone.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18Oh, man!
0:36:26 > 0:36:29- Hello?- Jessica.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31Who's this?
0:36:31 > 0:36:33It's David. I've got something important to tell you.
0:36:33 > 0:36:37Really? Because you said you had something important
0:36:37 > 0:36:40to say yesterday and then you stood me up.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Is my boyfriend in there?
0:36:42 > 0:36:46- Daisy May has been in there primping for 10 minutes.- Open this door.
0:36:46 > 0:36:50- 'I skipped my Gamma Pi Delta alumni luncheon to meet you.' - Jessica, please listen to me.
0:36:50 > 0:36:55And I am sure that Betsy Palmer jumped at the chance to campaign for my spot as social chair.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57Open this door!
0:36:57 > 0:37:00I was on Broadway once.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02Hey!
0:37:02 > 0:37:04I was kidnapped from the restaurant yesterday by a waitress.
0:37:04 > 0:37:08She's about 5'2", she's got crazy hair and crazy eyes.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14If this is your way of getting out of Christmas Eve with my parents...
0:37:14 > 0:37:17Listen to me, I'm a couple of hours outside the city.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20North, I think. It's a log cabin.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22Six plus four, rustic charm.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25- Are you drunk?! - Please, sweetheart. I love you.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27The important thing yesterday,
0:37:27 > 0:37:32- I was going to propose.- Propose?
0:37:32 > 0:37:34Go to the police and tell them what's happened.
0:37:36 > 0:37:37Jessica, are you there?
0:37:37 > 0:37:42- Oh, you're serious.- Yes.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45I have to go.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Did you talk to someone on the phone?
0:37:58 > 0:38:02- Nope. Couldn't get any reception in the bathroom.- I don't believe you.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04You talked to someone.
0:38:04 > 0:38:10OK, you're right, I did, and it's only a matter of time now until I'm broken out of this asylum.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14But I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Until that time, I've decided I'm going to help you.
0:38:16 > 0:38:22I'm going to be the best boyfriend ever and your parents are going to fall in love with me.
0:38:22 > 0:38:24Why would you do that?
0:38:24 > 0:38:29Because it's going to be more satisfying for me when your family learns the truth about you.
0:38:37 > 0:38:40You have to swing your hips in conjunction with your shoulders.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42If you watch Tiger, it's all connected.
0:38:42 > 0:38:46One fluid motion. There you go.
0:38:46 > 0:38:47Playing through.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52OK, so, what is it that you do, Nick?
0:38:52 > 0:38:56- I work for a real estate development company.- Really? Which one? - Barber and Partners.
0:38:56 > 0:39:02Barber and Partners is a good company. My firm did some legal work for you on the Pinehurst condos.
0:39:02 > 0:39:05- OK.- What do you do there?- I'm the Vice-President of New Business.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07There was a time we thought that Trudie,
0:39:07 > 0:39:11with all her causes, might go to law school like her sister, Kate.
0:39:11 > 0:39:13Being a Democrat is not a cause, Dad.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16But, she got her degree in liberal arts.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19- Fine arts. - I don't even know what that means.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22It's an expensive way to say, "Do you want fries with that?"
0:39:27 > 0:39:30- Home-made ornaments.- Trudie made that one when she was five.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32She was a little withdrawn as a child.
0:39:32 > 0:39:37- OK, Mum.- You know, her brother and sister were so out-going and had so many friends, but Trudie was...
0:39:37 > 0:39:40I don't know, a little anti-social.
0:39:40 > 0:39:44- Really?- We even paid a little boy down the street to be her friend, but he gave us our money back.
0:39:44 > 0:39:52- All right!- So from then on, it was Trudie and her projects and of course Bo Bo Blonkers.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56- Bo Bo Blonkers?- Her imaginary friend.
0:39:56 > 0:39:59- Thanks, Mum. Thanks a lot. - What was that?
0:39:59 > 0:40:01Are you talking to Bo Bo Blonkers now?
0:40:01 > 0:40:05I have an idea, why don't we let Nick put the angel on top of the tree this year.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08Mum, I've been doing it since I was four years old.
0:40:08 > 0:40:12Remember when Dad used to hold me up to the top of the tree and I was so cute up there?
0:40:12 > 0:40:15I know, honey, don't be selfish.
0:40:16 > 0:40:20Dad, it's my thing, this is my moment, it's tradition, doesn't anybody care about that any more?
0:40:20 > 0:40:23Trudie, what's wrong with starting a new tradition?
0:40:23 > 0:40:25Nick, up the tree.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30Thank you.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32There she is.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Nick! Nick! Come on!
0:40:37 > 0:40:39THEY SHOUT
0:41:05 > 0:41:07This is really a great place.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10You know there is an incredible craftsmanship that goes into a cabin like this.
0:41:10 > 0:41:14I'd say this is Adirondack-style with a contemporary twist.
0:41:14 > 0:41:19- Yes, in the Adirondacks, I starred in a revival of Medea. - Yes we know that, Mother.
0:41:19 > 0:41:22You don't need to shout, dear. I'm not deaf.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28Nick, would you like another piece of pie?
0:41:28 > 0:41:30Sure.
0:41:30 > 0:41:32Trudie, would you get another piece of pie, please?
0:41:32 > 0:41:34He knows where the kitchen is.
0:41:34 > 0:41:38Are you trying to ruin Christmas?
0:41:40 > 0:41:43Thank you, bunnykins.
0:41:45 > 0:41:49Nick, every Christmas Eve, we read 'Twas a Night Before Christmas
0:41:49 > 0:41:53and I was wondering if maybe you would like to do the honours?
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Really? Oh, wow.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01OK.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04That's it, I've had enough.
0:42:04 > 0:42:06Whoa!
0:42:11 > 0:42:14I'm going to... Yeah.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16Smart.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22- What's the matter with you? - What's the matter with me?!
0:42:22 > 0:42:25They're fawning over you like the last piece of flaming yarn.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28Isn't that the whole point of all of this?
0:42:28 > 0:42:30- Yes, but...- But what?
0:42:30 > 0:42:35My family likes you more than they like me.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41I didn't even want to read the stupid story.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44So don't read the story, I don't care if you read the story.
0:42:44 > 0:42:47Well, then, fine, I'm going to read the story.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50- Fine.- Fine.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57Love mince pie.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02Is everything OK?
0:43:02 > 0:43:04Yes. It's fine, Mum.
0:43:04 > 0:43:08OK, here we go.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11"Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,
0:43:11 > 0:43:15"not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
0:43:15 > 0:43:23"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there.
0:43:23 > 0:43:28"The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads..."
0:43:43 > 0:43:46Mum, we don't have to leave Oreos and milk for Santa this year.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49What if Santa's hungry?
0:43:49 > 0:43:50Will you put that away?
0:43:52 > 0:43:55Mum, we're adults, we don't have to write letters.
0:43:55 > 0:43:57How is Santa going to know what you want?
0:44:01 > 0:44:03- Good night.- Good night.
0:44:07 > 0:44:12- You can't eat those. - What is it going to look like if Santa doesn't eat his cookies?
0:44:13 > 0:44:18- Figures you're a dunker. - Of course, what are you - a twister?
0:44:18 > 0:44:21That's so wrong in so many ways.
0:44:21 > 0:44:27All right, let's get this over with. This is so dumb.
0:44:27 > 0:44:29I hope you're not expecting much from Santa.
0:44:29 > 0:44:32A federal offence probably puts you on the naughty list this year.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35Laugh it up, you've got to do one too.
0:44:39 > 0:44:40This may take a while.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51I'm going to ask for a new fully-loaded SUV.
0:44:51 > 0:44:56Hmm, interesting. I'm going to ask for an end to global warming.
0:44:56 > 0:45:00- What, you think my list is superficial?- Let me see it.- No!
0:45:00 > 0:45:02You want a pasta machine?!
0:45:02 > 0:45:07- I like to cook.- Don't you want something more meaningful?
0:45:07 > 0:45:11I have everything I want - great job, beautiful girlfriend.
0:45:17 > 0:45:19Let me see yours.
0:45:19 > 0:45:24"Tiki lights, Chinese teapot...
0:45:24 > 0:45:26"stop disappointing my parents."
0:45:26 > 0:45:29Come on, I'm sure that's not true.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33Believe me, it's true.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36Look, your parents are good people, they love you.
0:45:37 > 0:45:41I just wish for once, they'd look at me...
0:45:41 > 0:45:42you know, the way they look at you.
0:45:42 > 0:45:45- They do.- They don't.
0:45:48 > 0:45:50The best Christmas I ever had, I was ten.
0:45:50 > 0:45:55I was taking figure-skating lessons and I was at this big recital on Christmas Eve.
0:45:55 > 0:45:58There was this huge snowstorm and they cancelled it.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00I was SO upset.
0:46:00 > 0:46:06But our house had this patio on the back, my dad shovelled it, ran the hose over it and made ice.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09My mum put lights in all of the trees in the backyard.
0:46:09 > 0:46:13The glow was so beautiful.
0:46:13 > 0:46:15It was so quiet.
0:46:16 > 0:46:21That Christmas Eve, I skated my little routine with my parents watching.
0:46:21 > 0:46:24It was like I was the only person in the whole world.
0:46:24 > 0:46:26They were so proud of me.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31Somewhere along the way, things changed,
0:46:31 > 0:46:35and I wish they still felt that way about me.
0:46:41 > 0:46:45You know, I think parents want the best for their kids,
0:46:45 > 0:46:48but sometimes they don't know what that is.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55We should probably hide the evidence.
0:47:11 > 0:47:14Hello?
0:47:14 > 0:47:16Hello?
0:47:16 > 0:47:18CHATTING
0:47:18 > 0:47:23Excuse me, there's a concerned citizen here who needs help from her civil servants.
0:47:23 > 0:47:25Yoo-hoo! HEY!
0:47:25 > 0:47:27CHATTING STOPS
0:47:27 > 0:47:29Somebody better pay attention to me.
0:47:34 > 0:47:36Let me guess, domestic disturbance?
0:47:38 > 0:47:41No, thank you very much.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43I'm here to report a kidnapping.
0:47:54 > 0:47:58- Merry Christmas. - Mother, isn't it a little early?
0:47:58 > 0:48:04Early for who, sugar britches?! I have to spend another entire day trapped with you yahoos.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07Mamma's going to need a little help.
0:48:07 > 0:48:10OK, everybody, here's the schedule for today.
0:48:10 > 0:48:15Jake and Katie, you'll be on kitchen duty with me, Richard, you are chopping firewood, Mother...
0:48:16 > 0:48:23Do whatever you want. Trudie, you and Nick go out and have some fun. I've left warm jackets by the door.
0:48:23 > 0:48:27Presents are at four, dinner will be at seven.
0:48:27 > 0:48:28That's it.
0:48:29 > 0:48:33You know, about last night, I didn't mean to get personal...
0:48:37 > 0:48:39What?
0:48:39 > 0:48:41Oh, my God, never mind.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43What?
0:48:43 > 0:48:46It's great, you're checking out my sister.
0:48:46 > 0:48:49Why wouldn't you be? Of course you are. She's gorgeous and graceful.
0:48:49 > 0:48:51Your sister is very limber.
0:48:54 > 0:48:57- You're jealous.- Am not.- Are too.
0:48:57 > 0:48:59- Am not!- Are too.
0:49:01 > 0:49:04- Do rich kids even play hockey? - I played my fair share.
0:49:04 > 0:49:07I've been playing with my brother since I could walk. Let's go.
0:49:12 > 0:49:14I'm OK, I'm OK.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20- You sure you want to do this? - Yes, come on.
0:49:30 > 0:49:33Sorry. I give it to you.
0:49:33 > 0:49:36- Pretty scrappy. - I think you've had enough for now.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41- So what you do for fun?- For fun?
0:49:41 > 0:49:43What are you interested in?
0:49:43 > 0:49:46- I paint.- Really?
0:49:46 > 0:49:47What kind of things?
0:49:47 > 0:49:50Portraits, mostly.
0:49:50 > 0:49:53Post-impressionist stuff, the focus on colour over line.
0:49:53 > 0:49:57I know what post-impressionism is. Like Cezanne or more like Alice Neel?
0:49:57 > 0:50:00I love Alice Neel. You know Alice Neel?
0:50:00 > 0:50:03You shouldn't jump to conclusions about people.
0:50:03 > 0:50:07So what you do, besides build cookie cutter condominiums for the masses?
0:50:07 > 0:50:12I didn't start out to do that. I actually study architecture.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15For a while there, I thought I was going to go out to my own.
0:50:15 > 0:50:16Why didn't you?
0:50:16 > 0:50:20It is risky and there is no money in it unless you're established.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22Wouldn't your parents have helped you get started?
0:50:22 > 0:50:25They would have if they had two nickels to rub together.
0:50:25 > 0:50:27They were both school teachers.
0:50:27 > 0:50:30They died in a car accident when I was nine.
0:50:30 > 0:50:33Oh...I'm so sorry.
0:50:34 > 0:50:36You said you grew up well off.
0:50:36 > 0:50:41No, you did. I lived with my grandfather in a one-bedroomed apartment until I was 18.
0:50:41 > 0:50:45I worked my way through college mowing lawns for the city.
0:50:45 > 0:50:46That must have been tough.
0:50:46 > 0:50:49It actually helped me in certain ways.
0:50:49 > 0:50:52I learnt at an early age that we are all on our own.
0:51:05 > 0:51:07- Would you go, please?- Don't rush me.
0:51:16 > 0:51:17Oh, for the love of God!
0:51:17 > 0:51:19Ha!
0:51:23 > 0:51:26Ha! That's too bad. Making a move like that must be killing you.
0:51:27 > 0:51:32- Hey!- Why are you hitting yourself? Seriously, what are you doing?
0:51:32 > 0:51:35I'm starting to worry about you. You have to stop that.
0:51:35 > 0:51:39- Give it back, I didn't mean to do that.- But you did it, it's done.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43- It was a mistake.- You can't take something back once it's done.
0:51:45 > 0:51:50Even if you realised right away it was wrong and you're sorry?
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Fine.
0:51:56 > 0:51:58But know that you are a cheater.
0:52:02 > 0:52:04Such a cheater.
0:52:08 > 0:52:09I'm going to get some milk for these.
0:52:14 > 0:52:17Oh...! Oh...!
0:52:18 > 0:52:21- We're not into public displays of affection.- Right.
0:52:21 > 0:52:23Come on, don't be such a prude.
0:52:23 > 0:52:26Sorry, you have no choice. It's mistletoe.
0:52:32 > 0:52:36SHE HUMS THE WEDDING MARCH
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Mum! I'll get the milk.
0:52:41 > 0:52:45This is it - the scene of the crime. Are you going to draw your guns?
0:52:46 > 0:52:50Merry Christmas, welcome to Taj's Diner Deluxe.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53We have a delicious ho, ho, ho, hot dog special today.
0:52:53 > 0:52:59We're not here to eat. We're here because my boyfriend was kidnapped by one of your waitresses yesterday.
0:52:59 > 0:53:03Female, 5' 2", crazy hair, crazy eyes.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07- You know anyone who fits that description?- Apparently, he was taken at gunpoint.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10Do you know where she may have gotten a gun?
0:53:11 > 0:53:14No, no, I don't know. I don't know anything.
0:53:21 > 0:53:23Mum, isn't it time for presents?
0:53:23 > 0:53:26- Is it?- It's 4pm.
0:53:26 > 0:53:30- What are you doing?- I'm folding your father's jockey shorts.
0:53:30 > 0:53:34Sometimes I have dreams that hundreds of pairs of underwear envelope me.
0:53:34 > 0:53:36Do you have dreams like that?
0:53:36 > 0:53:39No. Mum, are you OK?
0:53:41 > 0:53:43Do you know your father is the only man I have slept with?
0:53:45 > 0:53:47Have you slept with more than one man?
0:53:49 > 0:53:52- No!- Of course you have, it's the way of the modern world.
0:53:52 > 0:53:59You boink a whole lot of different people. You don't just pick one and hope for the best.
0:53:59 > 0:54:03I'm pretty sure it is time for presents.
0:54:05 > 0:54:10Oh, honey, you're right. OK, let's go, go, go.
0:54:36 > 0:54:39Nick, it's time for presents!
0:54:39 > 0:54:41Grandma.
0:54:41 > 0:54:42- Thank you.- Thank you.
0:54:42 > 0:54:46- Have you noticed anything strange about Mum?- Like, more than usual?
0:54:46 > 0:54:50Yeah. I don't know, I just had a weird conversation with her.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53I think she might not be so happy with Dad.
0:54:53 > 0:54:55What?! That's crazy.
0:54:55 > 0:54:58- She used the word, "Boink."- Ow!
0:54:59 > 0:55:02Nick, for you.
0:55:02 > 0:55:05- Thank you.- Trudie, for you. - Can I...?
0:55:07 > 0:55:10- It's a back scrubber!- Wow!
0:55:10 > 0:55:12- Exfoliation is the key to good skin. - Cool.
0:55:12 > 0:55:14- Wow, good job, Mum.- Thank you.
0:55:21 > 0:55:24- It just lights up your face.- Pink.
0:55:24 > 0:55:27Smile. Oh, beautiful.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29Right.
0:55:29 > 0:55:32- Gotta look the part. Greed is good!- Wow.
0:55:34 > 0:55:38- Your dad found that. It lists every law firm in America.- OK.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41You're always saying you don't have enough underwear.
0:55:41 > 0:55:44Gosh, this is really heavy!
0:55:44 > 0:55:47Oh, great for tightening screws.
0:55:50 > 0:55:52I picked that out.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55Oh, Trudie. One more gift, it's for you.
0:56:09 > 0:56:10Well, we just thought that...
0:56:12 > 0:56:17- Yeah.- Hey, look. Trudie, I don't know what happened the other day with Mr Portnoy, but...
0:56:17 > 0:56:21- I think it's time to get your head out of the clouds.- What do you mean?
0:56:21 > 0:56:24You need to grow up and get focused on a legitimate career.
0:56:24 > 0:56:27You're unsettled, you're unfocused.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30- You need to find something to do really well.- I have, I do.
0:56:30 > 0:56:34Painting is the only thing I care about - the only thing that makes me feel like me.
0:56:34 > 0:56:37That's nothing to do with what I'm talking about.
0:56:37 > 0:56:40You can paint or draw, or COLOUR in your spare time.
0:56:40 > 0:56:42I'm talking about your life, here.
0:56:42 > 0:56:46- So am I!- Don't you want to do something with your life?
0:56:46 > 0:56:49- Yes, but...- Honey, we just... We were just trying to help.
0:56:58 > 0:57:02Mr Chandler, if you don't mind me saying, sir...
0:57:02 > 0:57:09I've seen Trudie's paintings and, well, they're raw and expressive.
0:57:09 > 0:57:11Complex and...
0:57:11 > 0:57:13a little strange...
0:57:15 > 0:57:16..but really beautiful.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25And...I've one more gift for her.
0:57:31 > 0:57:34Gertrude Chandler...
0:57:35 > 0:57:36..will you marry me?
0:57:42 > 0:57:44Yes.
0:57:48 > 0:57:49Oh, my!
0:57:53 > 0:57:58Oh, my gosh! This is the best Christmas present you could ever give me.
0:57:58 > 0:58:00I'm so excited.
0:58:00 > 0:58:07- I can't wait to start planning the wedding!- Son!- Congratulations.
0:58:07 > 0:58:09OK, next on the agenda is dinner in three hours.
0:58:09 > 0:58:12- SHE LAUGHS - I'm sorry!
0:58:12 > 0:58:18So, everybody just get changed and do whatever and we'll meet back in the dining room at seven o'clock.
0:58:18 > 0:58:21That's it!
0:58:28 > 0:58:29I don't...
0:58:29 > 0:58:31That was...something.
0:58:31 > 0:58:34I figured we may as well give them all the bells and whistles.
0:58:34 > 0:58:38- At least for a couple more hours. - Thank you.
0:58:40 > 0:58:43I assume you made up the part about the paintings?
0:58:43 > 0:58:46I saw your album. It was sticking out of your purse.
0:58:46 > 0:58:50Oh, you were looking in my bag? Well, the keys aren't there.
0:58:50 > 0:58:53No, it was an accident. Relax.
0:58:54 > 0:58:59- So, do you just carry an engagement ring in your pocket all the time?- Yeah.
0:58:59 > 0:59:01Right.
0:59:01 > 0:59:08Well, I just want to say, I'm sorry about everything.
0:59:08 > 0:59:11To tell you the truth...
0:59:11 > 0:59:13it hasn't been that bad.
0:59:13 > 0:59:16If you can just hang in there through Christmas dinner,
0:59:16 > 0:59:19I promise I'll take you wherever you want to go tomorrow.
0:59:27 > 0:59:30- Hey, Mum, can I help you with anything?- Oh, yes.
0:59:30 > 0:59:34You can bundle up take out the garbage, thank you very much, honey.
0:59:40 > 0:59:42Hey! What are you doing out here?
0:59:42 > 0:59:47- I'm just enjoying a little down time.- Well...
0:59:47 > 0:59:49that sounds good to me.
0:59:52 > 0:59:53- Hey, want one?- Yeah.
0:59:57 > 1:00:01So, you're engaged. Man!
1:00:02 > 1:00:04- I'm so happy for you, Trudie. - Thank you.
1:00:07 > 1:00:10- You know...- I really hope that happens for me, someday.
1:00:10 > 1:00:13What do you mean? It's happened for you, Jen is great.
1:00:13 > 1:00:16Yeah, about that. Um...
1:00:16 > 1:00:19Jen and I broke up six months ago.
1:00:19 > 1:00:23- Shut up!- And I've started seeing someone else.
1:00:23 > 1:00:25Shut up!
1:00:25 > 1:00:28And HIS name is Ryan.
1:00:28 > 1:00:30Oh, my gosh!
1:00:31 > 1:00:33Well, you know...
1:00:34 > 1:00:37..I think, maybe I knew.
1:00:37 > 1:00:40- Yeah, I knew.- What?
1:00:40 > 1:00:43You didn't know. Come on, I didn't even know!
1:00:43 > 1:00:46- I kind of knew, but... - Does anyone else know?
1:00:49 > 1:00:51I thought I'd tell everyone at dinner.
1:00:51 > 1:00:54Are you out of your mind?!
1:01:11 > 1:01:13Dolores!
1:01:20 > 1:01:22What are you doing?
1:01:22 > 1:01:27I'm going back to the city to get a decent steak and a cognac.
1:01:27 > 1:01:28You can't drive. Give me the keys.
1:01:28 > 1:01:31You want to come along for the ride, rosebud?
1:01:31 > 1:01:36- Come on, let's blow this rinky-dink log cabin.- Dolores!
1:01:38 > 1:01:39HE SCREAMS
1:01:43 > 1:01:46CAR CRASHES
1:01:48 > 1:01:50- Oh, my God!- Grams?
1:01:52 > 1:01:55Oh, my God. Are you OK, Grandma?
1:01:55 > 1:01:59Don't touch me, and don't call me that!
1:01:59 > 1:02:01- Are you all right?- Yeah.
1:02:01 > 1:02:07- What happened to not trying to escape anymore?- I was just trying to make sure she didn't hurt herself.
1:02:07 > 1:02:10Well, I'm glad you're OK.
1:02:14 > 1:02:20I swear to God, Mary had better be giving birth to baby Jesus outside... Oh, just as good.
1:02:20 > 1:02:24- Police officers. - Come on, Mrs Claus, it's time for Stevie-weevie to open another...
1:02:24 > 1:02:26Cut it out, Steve!
1:02:26 > 1:02:28What can I do for you?
1:02:28 > 1:02:31The owner said that you were her best friend.
1:02:31 > 1:02:34I don't know where they went. She just took off.
1:02:34 > 1:02:37You know, when we catch her, you'll be put away too.
1:02:37 > 1:02:41For accessory to kidnap and obstructing justice.
1:02:43 > 1:02:46It's not her fault. It's men.
1:02:49 > 1:02:52They drive women crazy.
1:03:06 > 1:03:08- Oh, I'm sorry.- It's OK.
1:03:10 > 1:03:13I, um, just needed the, uh...
1:03:14 > 1:03:16..toothpaste.
1:03:21 > 1:03:23Here you go.
1:03:23 > 1:03:24Do you need to take a shower?
1:03:25 > 1:03:27No, I'll wait until you're dry.
1:03:27 > 1:03:30Dressed! Done.
1:03:31 > 1:03:34Phew! OK.
1:03:37 > 1:03:39Well, I should probably go now.
1:03:41 > 1:03:43Probably.
1:04:08 > 1:04:11HE KNOCKS
1:04:14 > 1:04:17I didn't mean to scare you off back there.
1:04:17 > 1:04:19You didn't scare me off.
1:04:19 > 1:04:21You look great.
1:04:24 > 1:04:25So do you.
1:04:25 > 1:04:28Come on, I want to show you something.
1:04:31 > 1:04:33I'm not giving you a rematch right now.
1:04:33 > 1:04:35Hold on just one sec.
1:04:39 > 1:04:41OK, put these on, please.
1:04:41 > 1:04:46- It's almost dinner time, and I'm in a dress, you moron.- Please, shut up. - Shut up?- Just put these on.
1:04:46 > 1:04:48Right.
1:04:58 > 1:05:00Whoa.
1:05:10 > 1:05:13Oh, my gosh.
1:05:13 > 1:05:15I can't believe you did all this.
1:05:18 > 1:05:20It's beautiful.
1:05:20 > 1:05:23- Thank you.- You're welcome.
1:05:23 > 1:05:27- But, you owe me something in return. - What?
1:05:27 > 1:05:30- A show.- No way.
1:05:30 > 1:05:32Come on, I want to see this infamous routine.
1:05:32 > 1:05:34Really?
1:05:34 > 1:05:36OK, but if you laugh...
1:06:24 > 1:06:26Here you go. Warm bread.
1:06:26 > 1:06:29- Your tie's crooked.- You tied it!
1:06:29 > 1:06:30It's still crooked.
1:06:33 > 1:06:35Oh!
1:06:39 > 1:06:42Mum! Aren't you going to make your annual toast?
1:06:44 > 1:06:47I'm hungry, let's just eat.
1:06:49 > 1:06:52Um, excuse me...
1:06:52 > 1:06:56I've something I think I should share with everyone.
1:06:56 > 1:07:00Actually, I've something I'd like to say first.
1:07:00 > 1:07:02It's about school.
1:07:02 > 1:07:03Oh?
1:07:03 > 1:07:05I'm not going to law school.
1:07:06 > 1:07:08What did you say?
1:07:08 > 1:07:11It's just not for me.
1:07:11 > 1:07:13I dropped out last semester.
1:07:13 > 1:07:15Last semester?!
1:07:15 > 1:07:19What have you been doing with all the tuition that I've been sending?
1:07:19 > 1:07:21I used it as a down payment.
1:07:21 > 1:07:23Down payment? On what?
1:07:23 > 1:07:27- On a pilates studio in California. - Pilates?
1:07:27 > 1:07:30I don't know what that is. Could somebody translate that?
1:07:30 > 1:07:33Dad, it's great.
1:07:33 > 1:07:38It's a type of exercise mixing ballet techniques with yoga, used to stretch the muscles.
1:07:38 > 1:07:42Moving to the land of fruits and nuts, going to lay around all day and stretch.
1:07:42 > 1:07:45LAUGHTER
1:07:45 > 1:07:46I think it's very creative.
1:07:46 > 1:07:49Kudos, Katie.
1:07:49 > 1:07:52- Thanks, Mum. - What are you talking about?
1:07:52 > 1:07:54Our daughter has just made a fool out of us.
1:07:54 > 1:07:57Yeah, you did put one over on us, didn't you?
1:07:59 > 1:08:02You're not dropping out of school, no.
1:08:02 > 1:08:04I'll tell you what's going to happen.
1:08:04 > 1:08:06You'll get the money back and re-enrol.
1:08:07 > 1:08:10Lighten up, dick.
1:08:20 > 1:08:22Everyone, I, uh...
1:08:22 > 1:08:25I want to say something too.
1:08:26 > 1:08:28I'm gay.
1:08:31 > 1:08:32Oh, honey, I know.
1:08:46 > 1:08:48For God's sake, Catherine, what's wrong with you?!
1:08:48 > 1:08:50What's wrong with me?
1:08:50 > 1:08:54Let me think. Um, I hate the way you moan when you chew your food.
1:08:54 > 1:08:56What are you talking about?
1:08:56 > 1:09:01Mmm, mmm, mmm. It's disgusting, it makes me want to throw up.
1:09:01 > 1:09:05And also, I hate that we never talk about anything important!
1:09:05 > 1:09:09Many that's because we all live in your world, Catherine,
1:09:09 > 1:09:13a world where nobody can say anything honest because it might be upsetting!
1:09:13 > 1:09:18You are the puppet-master and I'm your little clown. Boom.
1:09:18 > 1:09:20Stop it! God, you two, what are you guys doing?
1:09:20 > 1:09:25You think I'M controlling?! You're the ass who's forcing your children
1:09:25 > 1:09:27to become mini versions of yourself.
1:09:27 > 1:09:30This isn't my world, because if this was MY world, I wouldn't have
1:09:30 > 1:09:35- to picture Clint Eastwood just to get through our annual birthday sex!- Oh!
1:09:50 > 1:09:52Aren't you glad you're gay?
1:09:54 > 1:09:55Everybody freeze!
1:09:58 > 1:10:02- Calm down, everybody. Just relax. - Wait. What is going on?
1:10:02 > 1:10:04We believe that woman is guilty of kidnapping.
1:10:04 > 1:10:07- That can't be, that's absurd. - Kidnapping? Who?
1:10:07 > 1:10:09David Martin.
1:10:09 > 1:10:10Who's David Martin?
1:10:13 > 1:10:17No, that's her boyfriend, Nick.
1:10:17 > 1:10:20No, Mum. It's not.
1:10:23 > 1:10:26I'm not her boyfriend.
1:10:28 > 1:10:30This is getting weird.
1:10:30 > 1:10:34I don't know who brought home the bacon, but I'm going to fry it up in a pan.
1:10:34 > 1:10:37Mother, no!
1:10:37 > 1:10:40Somebody has to protect this family, and it looks like it's me.
1:10:40 > 1:10:44- Put the gun down. - Is she having a Civil War flashback? - She's had too much egg nog.
1:10:44 > 1:10:48Um, she's an actress, and the gun is probably just a prop.
1:10:48 > 1:10:52- You take the big one.- Dolores...
1:10:53 > 1:10:55Oh.
1:11:00 > 1:11:02Oh. I...
1:11:02 > 1:11:04I was on Broadway once.
1:11:07 > 1:11:09I know.
1:11:13 > 1:11:15Merry Christmas.
1:11:33 > 1:11:34Mum...
1:11:34 > 1:11:37Kidnapping?
1:11:37 > 1:11:40- Kidnapping?!- Mum, look at me.
1:11:40 > 1:11:42Where did I go wrong?
1:11:42 > 1:11:45- Was I not a good mother? - Yeah, of course you were.
1:11:45 > 1:11:48- This is not your fault. - I don't want to talk about it.
1:11:48 > 1:11:50- Dad...- Not now, Trudie.
1:11:55 > 1:11:57Poor schmuck didn't press charges.
1:12:00 > 1:12:03- You're free to go.- Thank God.
1:12:09 > 1:12:11Bye.
1:12:17 > 1:12:19- Mmm?- Not you, Grambo.
1:12:19 > 1:12:22Why, officer...
1:12:22 > 1:12:23what did you have in mind?
1:12:25 > 1:12:27One change purse.
1:12:27 > 1:12:31- One can opener/kitchen. - Comes in handier than you think.
1:12:31 > 1:12:34One... Holy crap, look at that rock!
1:12:35 > 1:12:37Girl, you hold on to that man.
1:12:41 > 1:12:43Yeah.
1:13:09 > 1:13:12- Hi.- Hi.
1:13:12 > 1:13:14Just wanted to say thanks for...
1:13:14 > 1:13:16not pressing charges.
1:13:16 > 1:13:20I can't say I ever imagined saying that in a sentence.
1:13:21 > 1:13:24- Is everyone OK?- Yeah, they're fine.
1:13:24 > 1:13:27They're not too happy with me right now.
1:13:27 > 1:13:29I really did it this time.
1:13:30 > 1:13:33I wanted to give this back to you.
1:13:33 > 1:13:34Thanks.
1:13:34 > 1:13:39Listen, um, this whole situation's sort of confusing.
1:13:39 > 1:13:40But I wanted to say...
1:13:40 > 1:13:43David, let's get out of here, honey.
1:13:43 > 1:13:45Uh, give me one minute, OK?
1:13:45 > 1:13:48Who's this?
1:13:48 > 1:13:49Is this her?
1:13:49 > 1:13:54- You have some nerve.- Look, I wanted to apologise again to both of you.
1:13:54 > 1:13:55Save it.
1:13:55 > 1:13:59You and your band of hooligans would still be in jail if it were up to me.
1:13:59 > 1:14:01Let's go.
1:14:04 > 1:14:07- I, uh...- David!
1:14:11 > 1:14:15- Take care of yourself. - Yeah, you too.
1:14:38 > 1:14:42Are you sure you don't want your old job back?
1:14:42 > 1:14:44- You want lunch?- Sure.
1:14:45 > 1:14:48- Here.- What about Taj?
1:14:48 > 1:14:51Ah, please! He's a softie under all that bluster.
1:14:51 > 1:14:54Besides, we've reached a new stage in our relationship.
1:14:54 > 1:14:56- Oh, what's that?- Partners.
1:14:56 > 1:14:58- That's great!- Thank you. Yeah.
1:15:00 > 1:15:02So, how's the real job search going?
1:15:02 > 1:15:05Oh, not so great. Apparently, I have no "real" skills.
1:15:05 > 1:15:10- Mm-hmm.- I don't know, my parents are right. I have to be realistic.
1:15:10 > 1:15:13I can't just wish for something that's never going to happen.
1:15:13 > 1:15:17There is no perfect job, perfect family, perfect guy.
1:15:17 > 1:15:21- So you haven't heard from him, then? - No. That's what I'm talking about.
1:15:21 > 1:15:24I can't believe I thought I had feelings for some guy I kidnapped.
1:15:24 > 1:15:27What did I think was going to happen?
1:15:48 > 1:15:51- I like the nuptial script. - All right, done.
1:15:52 > 1:15:55Where is Maria with the next dress?
1:15:55 > 1:15:58Maria! We have three more dresses to go, where are you?
1:16:11 > 1:16:14Do you like that font? David!
1:16:15 > 1:16:17Font.
1:16:19 > 1:16:21I'm sorry, I...
1:16:21 > 1:16:22I need some air.
1:16:34 > 1:16:35Hey.
1:16:35 > 1:16:40- Hey. - Can be a bit overwhelming in there.
1:16:40 > 1:16:44- You don't say(!)- Are you all right? - Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
1:16:44 > 1:16:47Well, we need you inside.
1:16:47 > 1:16:48OK.
1:16:53 > 1:16:57Jess, um, do you, uh...
1:16:57 > 1:16:59ever have any doubts about us?
1:16:59 > 1:17:01What?
1:17:01 > 1:17:06Well, it's just that you could be with any number of guys. Why me?
1:17:08 > 1:17:10Because we make sense.
1:17:10 > 1:17:14And we're going to lead a life that most people dream of.
1:17:14 > 1:17:19All right? You and I are going to have a fairy tale wedding, and a fairy tale life.
1:17:24 > 1:17:27- Maria!- I hate my life.
1:17:50 > 1:17:53MOBILE RINGS
1:17:55 > 1:17:58- Hello?- Trud, hey, it's me.- Hey.
1:17:58 > 1:18:01- How's it going?- I've been better.
1:18:01 > 1:18:03Did you talk to Mum and Dad yet?
1:18:03 > 1:18:05No, I've been avoiding them.
1:18:05 > 1:18:08Trud, you should call them.
1:18:08 > 1:18:12- Oh, my God, Jake.- I'm just saying, you know, be the bigger person.
1:18:12 > 1:18:15No, no, no, I've been accepted into a show at Gallery 717.
1:18:15 > 1:18:19- Wow, that's great. - It's a new artists' exhibit, they want a piece from me!
1:18:19 > 1:18:22Trud, that's fantastic! When is it?
1:18:22 > 1:18:24A week from Saturday. Will you come with me, please?
1:18:24 > 1:18:28Yes, of course I will. Are you going to tell Mum and Dad?
1:18:28 > 1:18:30No, I don't want to fight with them.
1:18:30 > 1:18:32I just want this to be my night, you know?
1:18:56 > 1:19:00- Trud.- I'm so happy you're here! - I wouldn't miss it for the world.
1:19:00 > 1:19:03- So, um, this is Ryan.- Hi.
1:19:03 > 1:19:07- Jake, you didn't do her justice. - It's so nice to finally meet you. I'm a little nervous.
1:19:07 > 1:19:12I don't know what people are saying about the piece. Go over and eavesdrop for me?
1:19:12 > 1:19:15OK. OK, but listen...
1:19:15 > 1:19:18- um, there is one other thing.- What?
1:19:18 > 1:19:22Now, don't freak out, but I, uh, I brought a few more people with me.
1:19:27 > 1:19:30I told you I didn't want them here!
1:19:33 > 1:19:35I don't have time to do this tonight, OK?
1:19:35 > 1:19:39Just for one night, I don't want to feel like the black sheep, the wrong one, OK?
1:19:39 > 1:19:42OK. We hear you.
1:19:42 > 1:19:45- What?- Your father and I have found that keeping open lines of honest
1:19:45 > 1:19:49communication is the way to restore a healthy relationship.
1:19:49 > 1:19:52- What?- They've been in therapy.
1:19:54 > 1:19:56It really is working.
1:19:56 > 1:19:58So, what else, honey?
1:19:58 > 1:19:59Just let it out.
1:19:59 > 1:20:02I'm tired of trying to live up to your ideals, you know?
1:20:02 > 1:20:04And I won't live my life to please you.
1:20:04 > 1:20:06Sometimes I feel like you have no idea who I am.
1:20:06 > 1:20:08- Mm-hmm.- I'm a slob.
1:20:08 > 1:20:12Sometimes if I leave in a dish in the sink too long, I throw it away instead of washing it.
1:20:12 > 1:20:14And, Mum, I hate pink, I hate it.
1:20:14 > 1:20:19I don't want a job in computer sales, Dad. I'm an artist. That's who I am.
1:20:19 > 1:20:23And I love you guys, but if you make me choose between me and you, I choose me.
1:20:25 > 1:20:26OK.
1:20:26 > 1:20:28OK?
1:20:28 > 1:20:33Yes. OK. We hear you.
1:20:33 > 1:20:34OK.
1:20:36 > 1:20:38We worry about you, kiddo.
1:20:38 > 1:20:40We don't want you to get hurt. We want you to be safe.
1:20:40 > 1:20:45If I could, I'd have you live inside a plastic bubble, but I was told that's a little too impractical.
1:20:45 > 1:20:48Now, we never meant to make you feel weird or wrong.
1:20:50 > 1:20:51We love you.
1:20:53 > 1:20:57Whatever you want, that's what we want for you.
1:21:03 > 1:21:06- Thanks, Dad.- Come here.
1:21:08 > 1:21:11- I love you so much. - I love you too, Mum.
1:21:22 > 1:21:24I love your paintings. I love...
1:21:24 > 1:21:26The compositions are amazing.
1:21:32 > 1:21:34It's great to meet you.
1:21:37 > 1:21:40Are you OK, sweetheart?
1:21:40 > 1:21:42- Someone bought it.- I know.
1:21:42 > 1:21:44It's wonderful.
1:21:46 > 1:21:47What's the matter?
1:21:47 > 1:21:50Just feels different than I thought it would.
1:21:50 > 1:21:52Oh, how?
1:21:52 > 1:21:53I don't know. It's...
1:21:53 > 1:21:55Nick?
1:21:55 > 1:22:00No, not Nick. Well, maybe. Well, no. I mean, it's not Nick. It's David.
1:22:00 > 1:22:03- Stupid is what it is. - It's not stupid.
1:22:07 > 1:22:11If there's one thing I know, it's the corrosive nature of silence.
1:22:11 > 1:22:15It leads to regret, and it'll eat away at you bit by bit.
1:22:15 > 1:22:17Look at your dad and me. It's never too late.
1:22:19 > 1:22:22Actually, it is.
1:22:22 > 1:22:23He got married today.
1:22:26 > 1:22:28Cheers.
1:22:43 > 1:22:45Hey, hey!
1:22:45 > 1:22:50Just so you know, I have a black belt and my hands are considered lethal weapons.
1:22:50 > 1:22:52- Ooh, scary!- David?
1:22:52 > 1:22:54- What's going on here?- Pay back.
1:22:54 > 1:22:58- It's a bitch.- Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon or something?
1:22:58 > 1:23:02OK, how about I take that blindfold off now?
1:23:02 > 1:23:07- How would that be?- Wow!
1:23:07 > 1:23:08Where are we?
1:23:10 > 1:23:12Trudie, you are...
1:23:14 > 1:23:16..unorganised and pushy and crazy.
1:23:16 > 1:23:20And I'm working on those things and if you'll just listen to me...
1:23:20 > 1:23:22- And you talk too much.- OK.
1:23:25 > 1:23:27I lost a lot because of you.
1:23:28 > 1:23:32But I've realised that I don't want any of those things.
1:23:32 > 1:23:34Wait...you don't?
1:23:37 > 1:23:39Everything I want is right here.
1:23:42 > 1:23:45Martin Art and Architecture.
1:23:45 > 1:23:48A gallery and studio.
1:23:48 > 1:23:50Wow!
1:23:50 > 1:23:55- It's amazing.- And I've just acquired my first piece.
1:24:02 > 1:24:04I don't know what to say.
1:24:04 > 1:24:06That's a first.
1:24:10 > 1:24:14I've spent my entire life striving for things that I didn't even want,
1:24:14 > 1:24:16because I thought that's what I was supposed to do.
1:24:16 > 1:24:18I thought I had something to prove.
1:24:18 > 1:24:21But I don't have to prove anything to anyone any more.
1:24:23 > 1:24:25You don't?
1:24:28 > 1:24:30Well, maybe one more thing.
1:24:47 > 1:24:50Can you take these off me now?
1:24:59 > 1:25:04'There may be no such thing as a perfect job, a perfect family or a perfect life.
1:25:04 > 1:25:07'But there is such a thing as a perfect moment.
1:25:07 > 1:25:09'So I take back what I said.
1:25:09 > 1:25:12'Doing one crazy thing probably does make you crazy,
1:25:12 > 1:25:15'but it can also make you happy.'
1:25:33 > 1:25:36Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
1:25:36 > 1:25:39E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk