0:00:40 > 0:00:43GIRL: Give me my Romeo And, when he shall die,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Take him and cut him out into little stars
0:00:46 > 0:00:49And he will make the face of heaven so fine
0:00:49 > 0:00:51That all the world will be in love with the night
0:00:51 > 0:00:53(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
0:00:53 > 0:00:57And... (CLEARS THROAT) ..will make the face of heaven so fine
0:00:57 > 0:00:58(MUSIC CONTINUES)
0:00:58 > 0:01:00That all the world will be in love with...
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Ugh!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03SONG: # Shake ya ass Show me what you... #
0:01:03 > 0:01:06That all the world will be in love with the night
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Pay no worship to the garish sun...
0:01:07 > 0:01:09# I came here with my dick in my hand... #
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Excuse me!
0:01:11 > 0:01:13# Be cool
0:01:13 > 0:01:14# And don't worry 'bout how I'm rippin'... #
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Excuse me!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17# When I'm flippin' what I'm kickin'... #
0:01:17 > 0:01:20- Excuse me! (SIGHS IN EXASPERATION) - BOY: What?
0:01:20 > 0:01:24Will you turn that down?
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- Sorry. I can't hear you. - Turn the noise down.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30(SIGHS) I'm sorry. Did you you say something?
0:01:30 > 0:01:34I'm trying to study but it isn't possible with that racket going on.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35That's not a racket. That's Mystikal.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Whatever it is, will you please switch it off?
0:01:37 > 0:01:41- What's it worth? - Oh, the gratitude of a music lover.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- Hmm. Alright. I'll turn it off. - Thank you.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- If you flash me. - What?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49You show me the girls, I lower the bells.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- You are pig slime. - (LAUGHS)
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Anyway, I seen 'em before.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54What?!
0:01:54 > 0:01:57You have not.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00(SCREAMS)
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- (GASPS) - (LAUGHS)
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- (SQUEALS) - Have now! Ha-haa!
0:02:09 > 0:02:13- (MIAOWS) - Good morning, Mr Fluffy.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- WOMAN: Woody, are you up yet? - Oh, yeah.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Mmm. Morning, Daddy.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29I have some mail for you, princess. Mwah.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31It's from Yale. Oh, my...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37I have an interview next week.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39I applied for early action for you, honey.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41My precious little girl going to Yale!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Well, I'll have to get through the interview first, Mother.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47- You won't let us down. Never have. - Never has.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- Mmm. Isn't it exciting, Ted? - It's very exciting, Katherine.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- Are you excited, Nell? - I am, Mother.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- She is. - I'm so excited, I could burst.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I could 'yale' it from the rooftops!
0:02:57 > 0:03:01(LAUGHS)
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Thank you, Mother. Mwah!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Shit! - (LOUD MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO)
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- Everything OK back there, darlin'? - No problem, honey.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12I'm just searing off a couple of fingerprints.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Carry on, my good woman.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18The big game's coming up soon, huh, son?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Yep.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Coach said all the big college scouts are gonna be at the game.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- Yeah. I know. - Speciality of the house.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30I call it 'eggs what-the-heck'.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34So much of fine cuisine's down to presentation, don't you think, son?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- Oh, yeah. Absolutely. - Wouldn't that be something?
0:03:37 > 0:03:41You'd be the first member of my family to go to college.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45He'd be the first member of your family to go to frigging school!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47(LAUGHS) That's true.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49But, son, if things don't work out,
0:03:49 > 0:03:53there'll always be a job for you with Stan the man
0:03:53 > 0:03:54at Spatula World.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01(BREATHES DEEPLY)
0:04:01 > 0:04:03NELL: To me, the greatest living American
0:04:03 > 0:04:05should have individual accomplishments
0:04:05 > 0:04:10but also have a lasting influence on America and/or the world.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13And that is why, after careful consideration, my...
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- GIRL: Hey, Nell! Nell! - (JEERING, LAUGHTER)
0:04:21 > 0:04:23(HONKS HORN) Yo!
0:04:23 > 0:04:25- (NEIGHS) Wassup, boy? - Hey, Horse.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26(NEIGHS)
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Oh, nice grab, Horse. How's it hanging?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31To the floor, my friend.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Now, what's say we shift this baby into warp drive, huh?
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Want you to feel the wind
0:04:35 > 0:04:38blowin' through the hair on your fine muscular ass.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- (SNIFFS) Eugh! - Eugh!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- Hit it, please. - (LAUGHS)
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- (EMINEM'S 'WITHOUT ME' PLAYS) - Oh!
0:04:46 > 0:04:47OK.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57EMINEM: (RAPS) # Now, this looks like a job for me
0:04:57 > 0:04:59# So everybody just follow me
0:04:59 > 0:05:01# 'Cause we need a little controversy
0:05:01 > 0:05:03# 'Cause it feels so empty without me
0:05:03 > 0:05:07# I said this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me
0:05:07 > 0:05:09# 'Cause we need a little controversy
0:05:09 > 0:05:10# 'Cause it feels so empty without me... #
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Well, lookie here!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Is this not a pencilneck virgin girl I see before me?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I do believe it is.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18She's standing dangerously close to a vast pool of water.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20For a smart girl, that ain't so smart.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- Uh-uh. - (LAUGHS)
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- Whoo-hoo-hoo! - (HONKS HORN)
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Whoa!
0:05:31 > 0:05:32(SHRIEKS)
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- (BOYS LAUGH) - Oh. Oh.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43(BOTH LAUGH)
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Whoo-hoo! Whoo! - (HONKS HORN)
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Cool. Thank you.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Looks like she rushed it.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13NELL: OK. Just keep walking. No-one will notice.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17(LAUGHS) Who wants cotton candy?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19(LAUGHTER)
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Hey, Nell, I love what you've done with your hair.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Thanks, Glixen.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- Hey, watch it! Asshole! - (LAUGHS)
0:06:45 > 0:06:49- Harry, Harry. - What's up, baby?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Whoa! There are people around.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59(LAUGHS) Nice look!
0:06:59 > 0:07:00Mmm.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Oh, it's special-needs boy and his muse, the lovely Chlamydia.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05My name is Breanna, you geek.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07By the way, sorry about this morning.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09That pothole just... Phhh! ..drove right up in front of us.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Oh, that's OK. Please don't apologise. I understand.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Oh? - Uh-huh.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16But chew on this -
0:07:16 > 0:07:18while archetypal outsiders, such as myself,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21rarely fit comfortably into high school environments,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23this is as good as your life will get.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26The big football star and his vacuous cheerleader girlfriend...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28HEAD cheerleader.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Because, let's face it,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35the old grey matter ain't exactly top-range, now, is it, Woodster?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38So you'll end up with a job in Spatula World with your dad,
0:07:38 > 0:07:40and probably marry Breanna here
0:07:40 > 0:07:42but soon you'll start drinking
0:07:42 > 0:07:45to numb this aching feeling you have inside
0:07:45 > 0:07:46and you fast-forward a few years
0:07:46 > 0:07:48and you're a drunk, fat, depressed guy at a bar
0:07:48 > 0:07:50talking about the good old days,
0:07:50 > 0:07:53while your little wife - whose looks, incidentally, have gone to doo-doo -
0:07:53 > 0:07:55is propping up her own self-esteem
0:07:55 > 0:07:58by indulging in squalid sexual encounters with your friends
0:07:58 > 0:08:00behind your back.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02(BELL RINGS)
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- What friends? - I'm guessing most of them.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Have a good day.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11WOMAN: Class, please turn to page 488,
0:08:11 > 0:08:15paragraph marked 'Early History', which reads,
0:08:15 > 0:08:19"Combined with the study of mankind in all its aspects,
0:08:19 > 0:08:21"especially human culture,
0:08:21 > 0:08:24"we are therefore examining that society
0:08:24 > 0:08:27"through the exploration of classical structure."
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Please make sure to reference all your source material.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39That includes the Internet. OK?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Oh, er, Miss Bidermeyer...
0:08:42 > 0:08:46That's OK now, but you might want to omit that page
0:08:46 > 0:08:48from your reference list.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Now, Mr Zbornak will be taking your field trip this week...
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Are you... That's quite a, um...
0:08:54 > 0:08:57BREANNA: I tried on the most amazing dress for the dance.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Think Beyonce's wow factor
0:08:59 > 0:09:02meets Gwen Stefani's off-kilter individuality,
0:09:02 > 0:09:04with just a sprinkling of designer-slut Aguilera.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06The whole thing's very Madonna.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Before she got old, naturally.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Sounds hot.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Now, I think Armani would be good for you -
0:09:12 > 0:09:14stylish yet understated,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17so you'll look good but you don't distract attention from me.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Mr Deane? If it's not too much trouble...?
0:09:20 > 0:09:21OK! Just a minute!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23'Bye.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24- Mmm! - Mmm!
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Now, take a look at this odd-looking fella. Hmm?!
0:09:32 > 0:09:37Tezcatlipoca, the ancient Aztec god of sorcery,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39associated with the notion of destiny.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Now, Tez here has got an interesting resume.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46He was the god of night, lord of the smoking mirror,
0:09:46 > 0:09:49a shape-shifter,
0:09:49 > 0:09:50a powerful SOB.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Mr Deane.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Do you think I might have your attention?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Or does Mr Horson have something particularly interesting to say?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02I'm betting on...unlikely.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05OK, time is short, people.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Er, I want you to pair off and take in the rest yourselves.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Remember, research, analyse and...
0:10:12 > 0:10:13ALL: Describe.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Very nice.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Mr Deane and Mr Horson, I don't think so.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Um, Mr Horson, you go with Mr Glixen.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Mr Deane, you go with Miss Bedworth.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Let's get your learn on.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32So, you check out any good porno sites lately?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I cannot believe I am stuck with you.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Just hope I don't breathe any retard germs.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Well, let's hope I don't get any pencilneck virgin disease.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Get stuffed!
0:10:40 > 0:10:42- Whoa! - I hate you!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Because you secretly wanna have sex with me.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Ha! When I do decide to surrender the flower of my womanhood,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I had always imagined it being with someone of my own species.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53There is no-one else in your own species, except maybe Glixen.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54You're such a moron.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55You really think
0:10:55 > 0:10:57the world revolves around rap music,
0:10:57 > 0:10:59football and hanging out with the right crowd?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01You make me sick. You think you're so different to everyone else.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- Different FROM. - What?
0:11:03 > 0:11:04You said 'different TO'.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06The correct phraseology is 'different FROM'.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Thanks for that information.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Now I can say you're no different FROM any other geek
0:11:10 > 0:11:11with books instead of friends
0:11:11 > 0:11:14and you won't have to open your big fat mouth to correct me.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15- Neanderthal! - Spaz.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16- Toad. - Skank.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I should pity you but I can't. I hate you too much.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I'd rather cut off my legs with a rusty knife
0:11:21 > 0:11:22than be anything like you!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Ditto.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- 'Ditto'? - Ditto.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28Double ditto.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Double double ditto times a thousand gazillion trillion.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)
0:11:44 > 0:11:47(SINGS) # I like big butts and I cannot lie
0:11:47 > 0:11:48# You other brothers can't deny
0:11:48 > 0:11:50# When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# And a round thing in your face You get sprung
0:11:52 > 0:11:55# Wanna pull up quick 'cause you notice that butt was stuffed... #
0:11:55 > 0:11:57(READS) "..and forevermore shall find her destiny
0:11:57 > 0:11:59"to live alone no more."
0:11:59 > 0:12:01(SIGHS)
0:12:01 > 0:12:03(MIAOWS)
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- Goodnight, Mr Fluffy. - (PURRS)
0:12:12 > 0:12:14(CLICKS TONGUE)
0:12:15 > 0:12:17(WHIMPERS)
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Hmm.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Hmmm!
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- (GRUNTS) - (WHIMPERS)
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- (ALARM BLARES) - (GASPS)
0:12:43 > 0:12:45(GASPS)
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Oh, God, my head.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Oh, must be dreaming.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Time to wake up.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54What was that?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Oh!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Tits! Oh, my God. I have tits!
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Two tits!
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I guess it's the regular number of tits, but for a guy...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05What's going on here?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Oh, my God! It's gone.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10It's gone! Oh!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12OK, this looks bad.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14If it's gone and I have tits, that means...
0:13:14 > 0:13:16(WHIMPERS)
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Oh, this must be a dream.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20A very, very bad 'now I have tits' kind of dream.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23(WHIMPERS)
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Ohhh!
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Argh!
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Ahhh! What is this?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Oh!
0:13:30 > 0:13:32This isn't my room.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Oh!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39(BOTH SCREAM)
0:13:39 > 0:13:40We need to talk.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Talk? She wants to talk?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Alright, let's talk about why I'm going through a drawer
0:13:48 > 0:13:51full of underwear with the days of the friggin' week on them!
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Oh, God!
0:13:54 > 0:13:56OK. Yippee.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Now my pubes know it's Wednesday.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Oh, gross. (WHIMPERS) Oh!
0:14:06 > 0:14:10It's tough enough getting these damn things OFF. Argh!
0:14:11 > 0:14:14How the hell does anyone know how to get these friggin' things on?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Ladies, looks like you and me's going au naturale. Hmm!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Go away.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Go away, go away, go away.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Alright, coast is clear.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- (GROWLS AND HISSES) - (GASPS)
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Get... Get...
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- (HISSES) - Get off me!
0:14:49 > 0:14:50- Good morning! - Oh!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- Oh! - Nell, is everything OK?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Mm-hm. I just, er, didn't see you there.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Your oatmeal's on the table.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Er, not hungry. Gotta go.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Nonsense! Now, you sit down and have some breakfast.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03It's the most important meal of the day.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05And oatmeal is wonderful for promoting
0:15:05 > 0:15:07healthy and regular bowel movements.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10That's cool. I already took a dump, like, the size of my own head.
0:15:10 > 0:15:15- Excuse me? - Oatmeal's good, Mommy.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO)
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Is this meat?
0:15:24 > 0:15:28- Do you have oatmeal? - Are you shitting me?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30(CRUNCHES) Hmm, hmm!
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Red meat is good. Eat up, son.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Go on.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Hmm... (GAGS)
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Jesus! People eat puke!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Ahh!
0:16:01 > 0:16:02Golly. You must've been hungry.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- You need a second helping. - No!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07You wait there, young lady.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13(TOOTS HORN)
0:16:13 > 0:16:15(NEIGHS)
0:16:15 > 0:16:18(CHUCKLES) Let's go, pretty boy.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Let's go!
0:16:22 > 0:16:25It'll turn you into a big strong girl.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30(BURPS) I'm alright.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- See you later. - Nell?
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- Mm-hm? - Aren't you forgetting something?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Oh, holy crap!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Look at the size of that thing!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45What thing?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- Gotta go, Mom. See you later. - Thing? Er...
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Yo, hop in, man.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55We got places to go, people to see, women to impregnate. Let's go.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10You OK?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Yeah. I'm fine.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14You wanna hit it?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20(LOUD HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
0:17:31 > 0:17:35(GROANS) Stupid bitch stole my ride.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Oh, no.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
0:17:41 > 0:17:43(CHUCKLES)
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Aren't we going a little fast, Horse?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47You bet your sweet ass we are! Whoo!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- (THINKS) I am going to die. - (CHUCKLES AND TOOTS HORN)
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Oh, God. Gotta get on a bus.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Haven't been on a bus since eighth grade.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Oh! Hey! Hey!
0:18:02 > 0:18:03Hey!
0:18:10 > 0:18:11Come on!
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Screw you, asshole!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21That's no way for a young lady to talk!
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Sorry! Get a little bitchy when I'm on the rag, know what I'm saying?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Whoa! - Oops. Sorry.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- Up yours! - Yeah, you too.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48You! What the hell have you done to me, you rich lady?!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Get your hands off me, you big bully.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52God, you think I'm responsible for this?!
0:18:52 > 0:18:54I certainly am not and you're the one who always knows everything.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57That does not include this.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Whatever this is. This is...
0:18:58 > 0:19:00This is impossible.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02This cannot happen!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Well, it's happened, OK?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06You better figure out how to get my damn body back, alright?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Trust me, there is nothing I would like more.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11You think I relish waking up into the day with the Simpsons?
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Leave my rents out of it, would you? - What is up with your mother?
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Has she never heard of volume control?
0:19:16 > 0:19:19There's yak farmers in Tibet praying for her to keep the volume down.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21And...and her language! My goodness!
0:19:21 > 0:19:23At least my mother does not have
0:19:23 > 0:19:25a mole on her face the size of the White House!
0:19:25 > 0:19:26So she has a problem with moles.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Besides, it's not a mole. It's a beauty spot.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Well, I can spot that beauty all the way from Wisconsin!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34You insensitive pig.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- No, no, no, no... - I don't wanna be a boy, OK?
0:19:37 > 0:19:38I especially don't wanna be you.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41No, no, no, no!
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Don't cry! Don't cry! Not here.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44- Look...look... - (WHIMPERS) This is stupid.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Maybe it's just one of those 24-hour things,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49like a head cold.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51- A head cold?! - Yes.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52Tomorrow we could be back to normal.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Just gotta get through the day.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Try not to attract any unnecessary attention.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- OK. - Hey?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Gross! I have to touch it?!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18(WHIMPERS)
0:20:19 > 0:20:24I will never eat finger food from a buffet again for as long as I live.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27(URINATES)
0:20:31 > 0:20:33MRS BIDERMEYER: Your homework was to prepare a speech
0:20:33 > 0:20:35on the greatest living American.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37So, Breanna?
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Bidermeyer,
0:20:38 > 0:20:42but I was excused homework due to cheerleading practice.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45I see. And Nell?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49- Nell? - What?
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Your speech, please, on the greatest living American?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58OK.
0:21:00 > 0:21:05Huh. I think the greatest living American is...
0:21:09 > 0:21:11..J.Lo.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12J.Lo?
0:21:12 > 0:21:16You know, Jennifer Lopez. Singer, movie star.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20She had a bit of a thing with Diddy and that dude from 'Pearl Harbor'.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22No, I-I...I know who J.Lo is, Nell.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26I am just very interested to hear what you perceive
0:21:26 > 0:21:29qualifies her for such a unique accolade.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Right.
0:21:30 > 0:21:35Well, see, the thing about J.Lo is that she's from the streets.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38And now she's, like, this big movie star
0:21:38 > 0:21:41and, er, she's still really cool.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44She used to have a little. Now she's got a lot.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47But she's still Jenny from the block.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49And I think that's pretty damn great.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Oh, and...she's American.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56And she's alive.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- Well, I see... - (BELL RINGS)
0:22:03 > 0:22:04J.Lo? You said J.Lo?
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Pretty good, huh? It just flew right into my head.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10At least there's plenty of space for it to land.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12You made a complete fool out of me in there.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14What is your problem?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16I happen to like J.Lo. She has a hot booty.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19You do not bestow an honour such as 'greatest living American'
0:22:19 > 0:22:21solely on the fact of a hot booty!
0:22:21 > 0:22:23I didn't!
0:22:23 > 0:22:25She also happens to have a terrific set of funbags.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Woody Deane, you're an idiot and a philistine.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30You know what?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32I don't appreciate you calling me an idiot.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34And I dunno what that other thing is
0:22:34 > 0:22:36but I'm sure as hell not one of them either!
0:22:41 > 0:22:42(SIGHS)
0:22:46 > 0:22:48..he punches it down...
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Hey! Woody!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Oh! What a lovely sight.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- Swill time at Yeti Central. - (FARTS)
0:22:55 > 0:22:57ALL: Aw! Ohh!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Dear God, now I have to eat with these creatures.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Hey, Woody.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Whoa! - My parents are going out tonight.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Maybe you wanna come over to discuss
0:23:07 > 0:23:09what you wanna wear for the homecoming dance?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Er, I have things to do.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16OK, what I meant was we'd be alone.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18So maybe I might do that thing where I...
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- Oh! - (CRASH!)
0:23:24 > 0:23:26You filthy little slut!
0:23:26 > 0:23:29You'd do that?!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Last week he begged me to do that.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39- So what is it? What do you do? - Get lost, you little spastic.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41D... Hey! Go!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44I cannot believe Woody turned down
0:23:44 > 0:23:46the chance to have sex with me tonight.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Am I in, like, bizarro world?
0:23:48 > 0:23:51If I had Richard Wainwright sniffing around me,
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I wouldn't be wasting my time on Woody.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55It's not that simple, Tiffany.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59Today, football captain. Tomorrow, 'GQ' Man of the Year.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Sports is celebrity. We need to plan these things.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Personally, I'd be relieved if Horse didn't wanna have sex.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Sometimes I think it's the only reason he's with me.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11That is so not true, Chanel. You have many fine qualities.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Really? Like what?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16You have excellent taste in earrings.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19And your hair doesn't do that frizz thing in the rain.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25And you're friends with me. Case closed.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31HORSE: Yo, yo!
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Hey, hey, Woodster!
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- Come in, my man. - How are you?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Cool as a frozen shit-cube, homey.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Yo, we got an extra practice tonight, alright? Don't forget.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- Practice? - Yeah.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47I'm in the mood to kick some serious ass.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Oh, yeah. Me too.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Only I have a prior engagement
0:24:51 > 0:24:54that conflicts with the whole ass-kicking thing.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57We're a week away from the game against Lamont.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Do you know what the coach will do to your nuts
0:25:00 > 0:25:02if you don't show up tonight?
0:25:02 > 0:25:03No? I'll tell you.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06He will grind them into dust.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Nut dust.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Then the only kids you gonna be able to have
0:25:09 > 0:25:11is them little itty-bitty powdered ones.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13(NEIGHS)
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- BOY: Yeah! - (ALL CHEER)
0:25:19 > 0:25:21ALL: One!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Two!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Three! Four!
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Alright, here we go.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Yo, Wood!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- Cut the ball, man! - What?
0:25:58 > 0:25:59(COACH BLOWS WHISTLE)
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- Woody! - Sorry, Coach.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Alright, yeah, let's get this.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12- Wood?! - Go.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- Do it, man! Come on! - Wake up, boy!
0:26:19 > 0:26:21S-sorry, Coach.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24OK, go.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Huh! Got it.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36What the hell were you doing out there?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39- You're playing like a damn woman! - Just feeling a little peaky.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- 'Peaky'? - Yeah. It means 'off colour'.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Yeah, I know what 'peaky' means!
0:26:43 > 0:26:46You listen to me, and you listen good.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49This homecoming game is gonna be the biggest day in these boys' lives.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52You may have a God-given talent and think you can coast it,
0:26:52 > 0:26:54but I will not risk you letting 'em down.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- You hear me, son?! - Yes.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- "Yes, Coach!" - Yes, Coach.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00You get your shit together, boy,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03or you'll be watching the game from the sidelines.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Hey, Woodster, don't let it bug you, OK, buddy?
0:27:08 > 0:27:09You just hang in there, OK?
0:27:09 > 0:27:13Look, you just hit a slump, OK? It's like a golfer.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15It doesn't matter how big you are,
0:27:15 > 0:27:17every now and again you lose your swing.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19OK, so you keep working on your stroke, you know?
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Banging those balls out all over the place.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25You wanna try touching my helmet?
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- What? - My lucky helmet.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30I mean, it works for me. Maybe it'll do you the same.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Go ahead, give it a rub.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43(ALARM BEEPS)
0:27:43 > 0:27:45('CANDLE IN THE WIND' BY ELTON JOHN PLAYS)
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Oh, man!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54What is this crappy music?
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Here he comes.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- I see you. - Oh, whoops. Darn. Sorry.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07- Loser! - Yeah, you too.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09And your mama.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Whoa! Ow!
0:28:15 > 0:28:17I heard about the football practice.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Those boys are really rough. I'm covered in bruises.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21I don't care about your bruises!
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Coach drops me, my life is over.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Why is everybody getting so worked up? It's only a game.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30No! No, it is not 'only' a game. It's football!
0:28:30 > 0:28:31Jesus! Don't you get anything?
0:28:31 > 0:28:34I get that whatever this is, it clearly isn't a head cold.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Oh! You have any better theories, Miss Smartass?
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Oh, look at you.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41What am I wearing?
0:28:42 > 0:28:43Chinos and an Oxford cotton button-down.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45I found it in the back of your closet.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Which is exactly where it's meant to stay
0:28:47 > 0:28:49until another one of my relatives croaks!
0:28:49 > 0:28:51Nonsense. You can't beat a classic look.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53My hair! You've made it all dorky!
0:28:53 > 0:28:57- A centre parting is very European. - No, it is very dorky-looking.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59Excuse me for taking a little pride in your appearance.
0:28:59 > 0:29:02You're gonna ruin my life. I look like a male version of you.
0:29:02 > 0:29:06Well, as long as I'm stuck inside this disgusting body
0:29:06 > 0:29:09you'll just have to put up with it.
0:29:09 > 0:29:13Alright, if that's the way you want it, sweetcheeks.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21Whoa.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23('FILTHY/GORGEOUS' BY THE SCISSOR SISTERS PLAYS)
0:29:23 > 0:29:24SONG: # You're walking down the street
0:29:24 > 0:29:28# And a man tries to get your business
0:29:28 > 0:29:31# 'Cause you're filthy
0:29:31 > 0:29:34# Ooh, and gorgeous
0:29:34 > 0:29:38# 'Cause you're filthy
0:29:38 > 0:29:42# Ooh, you're looking gorgeous
0:29:42 > 0:29:44# You're disgusting
0:29:45 > 0:29:48# Ooh, and you're nasty
0:29:49 > 0:29:52# And you can grab me
0:29:52 > 0:29:54# Ooh, 'cause you're nasty... #
0:29:57 > 0:30:00(WOLF WHISTLING)
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Nice legs!
0:30:02 > 0:30:04BOY: You are lookin' fine, sugar!
0:30:06 > 0:30:07What are you doing?
0:30:07 > 0:30:10Protecting your modesty. You look like a common prostitute!
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Damn! I was going for high-class hooker.
0:30:12 > 0:30:13You cannot walk into school like this.
0:30:13 > 0:30:17I can do whatever I want. Get your hands off me or I'll scream.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Oh!
0:30:19 > 0:30:21# 'Cause you're filthy
0:30:22 > 0:30:25# Ooh, you're looking gorgeous
0:30:25 > 0:30:28# 'Cause you're filthy
0:30:28 > 0:30:32# Ooh, you're looking gorgeous
0:30:32 > 0:30:35# You're disgusting
0:30:36 > 0:30:39# Ooh, and you're nasty... #
0:30:43 > 0:30:47What are you doing? It's supposed to be Shakespeare!
0:30:47 > 0:30:49Jesus!
0:30:54 > 0:30:56Hmm. OK, here goes.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59Nice penis.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08# 'Cause you're filthy
0:31:08 > 0:31:12# Ooh, you're looking gorgeous
0:31:12 > 0:31:14# 'Cause you're filthy... #
0:31:14 > 0:31:16Ahhh! God!
0:31:19 > 0:31:22Nothing like a little bit of personal hygiene.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24Phwoar!
0:31:25 > 0:31:28Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho!
0:31:31 > 0:31:34Oh, man. Well, it has to be done.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37- (SNAP!) - (GIRL SCREAMS)
0:31:40 > 0:31:42And she's totally pretending to be pretty.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45I mean, you either are pretty or you're not.
0:31:45 > 0:31:46- Hmm. - Oh.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49- Hello, Woody. - Hello, Breanna.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51I have something I'd like to say to you.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Let me guess. You're sorry about blowing me off.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57No. I'm afraid we can't see each other anymore.
0:31:57 > 0:31:58(LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY)
0:31:58 > 0:32:00Very funny, Woody.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03Well, I don't find you that attractive anymore.
0:32:03 > 0:32:04ALL: What?!
0:32:04 > 0:32:07You just look kinda...plain.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10And don't worry about your moustache.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Some guys are really into that shit.
0:32:12 > 0:32:13Oh-oh!
0:32:13 > 0:32:16Suck on this, Woody Deane.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19- He did not just say that to her! - You can't even see the hairs.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21Unless you're, like, right five feet away.
0:32:21 > 0:32:22What just happened?
0:32:22 > 0:32:25Seems you and your girlfriend just broke up.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27- Commiserations. - No!
0:32:27 > 0:32:29- Me and Breanna?! - 'Breanna and I'.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31But let's not quibble over details.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35- You broke up with my girlfriend?! - You'll get over it.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Hey, babe, wanna take a ride?
0:32:38 > 0:32:41I have to go. Tonight's a big night for me.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45- You too. - What?!
0:32:46 > 0:32:50Congratulations. Tonight's the night you finally get to lose it. (POP!)
0:32:53 > 0:32:54Hey, Nicky!
0:32:54 > 0:32:56(GASPS)
0:33:11 > 0:33:13There you go, babe.
0:33:13 > 0:33:14Thanks.
0:33:16 > 0:33:20Nice, er...trailer.
0:33:20 > 0:33:21It's a dump.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24But, er, my folks are away.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27And, er, we won't be disturbed.
0:33:32 > 0:33:37Wow. I've never seen a chick drink like that before.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41(BURPS) My, um... my throat's a little dry.
0:33:43 > 0:33:47Maybe I could... moisten it up a little.
0:33:47 > 0:33:49Oh-ho-ho-ho!
0:33:49 > 0:33:52Er... I think, er, I need another beer.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Sure.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08- You OK? - I'm fine, thank you.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10You've been acting kind of weird lately.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13I think I know what's on your mind.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17- I don't think you do. - Well, let me guess.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20I think you think if you don't impress those scouts
0:34:20 > 0:34:24that you're gonna end up working with your dad in Spatula World.
0:34:25 > 0:34:26What?
0:34:26 > 0:34:29I ain't stupid, Woody.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31Just let things fall into place.
0:34:31 > 0:34:35Whatever you do, we'll be proud of you.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40So, you don't wanna work with spatulas.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42What the heck, huh?
0:34:48 > 0:34:49- Whoa! - Come on, baby.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Er...not here.
0:34:51 > 0:34:53- Mm-mm. - OK.
0:34:53 > 0:34:54Let's go through to the master bedroom.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01Let's get cracking, baby, 'cause Daddy's packing.
0:35:01 > 0:35:02(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Oh... (GRUNTS) ..yeah.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07Oh, God. What was I thinking? This is so gay!
0:35:10 > 0:35:12What are you waiting for, babe?
0:35:12 > 0:35:14Daddy wants to see some flesh.
0:35:15 > 0:35:16He's gonna make me his bitch.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18I'll be Woody, the bitch boy.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20Maybe you need a little...help?
0:35:23 > 0:35:26- I have to pee. - Now?
0:35:26 > 0:35:27Yeah. I could fill a frickin' moat.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29So...you get undressed.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31And...don't start without me.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
0:35:35 > 0:35:37Hey! Wait!
0:35:39 > 0:35:40Hey! Come back!
0:35:46 > 0:35:48('CANDLE IN THE WIND' PLAYS)
0:35:48 > 0:35:50Not this shit again, man!
0:35:50 > 0:35:52It's very melodic.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Come on, if you give it a chance, you might learn to enjoy it.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59ELTON JOHN: (SINGS) # While those around you crawled... #
0:35:59 > 0:36:01Nope. Still shit.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03Hear the juice on that greaseball Nicky?
0:36:03 > 0:36:04No.
0:36:04 > 0:36:06Him and Pencilneck got it on last night.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10(CHORTLES)
0:36:11 > 0:36:13- Like, how low can you go? - Oh, my God. What? What?
0:36:13 > 0:36:15I know!
0:36:15 > 0:36:16- Didn't you guys hear? - No. What?
0:36:16 > 0:36:18She did it at a trailer park.
0:36:18 > 0:36:19Hi, Woody.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22She probably didn't even know it was a trailer park.
0:36:22 > 0:36:23Come on!
0:36:23 > 0:36:27(WEEPING)
0:36:30 > 0:36:32Woody.
0:36:32 > 0:36:33Are you...are you crying?
0:36:33 > 0:36:35(TEARFULLY) Yeah.
0:36:35 > 0:36:36(SNIFFLES)
0:36:36 > 0:36:38- What's...what's wrong? - (SOBS)
0:36:39 > 0:36:41I'm sorry.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44I just found out I lost my virginity in a trailer park.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48(WEEPS)
0:36:48 > 0:36:49OK. Alright.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53(SOBS)
0:36:53 > 0:36:55Here's... here's what we've got to do.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57I've got to...I've got to go.
0:36:57 > 0:36:58I've got a class.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01(SOBS)
0:37:02 > 0:37:05- TIFFANY: Ah! Ooh! What is that? - BREANNA: Get it off! It's a bee!
0:37:05 > 0:37:07- It's a bee! - Guys, guys!
0:37:10 > 0:37:11(GIRLS LAUGH)
0:37:11 > 0:37:14(STUDENTS CHATTER)
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Hey. Do you think she might, like, do it with me?
0:37:28 > 0:37:31No! Get lost.
0:37:39 > 0:37:40What?
0:37:42 > 0:37:46Huh. Look, about that, don't worry. You had a great time.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50Trust me. You'll never forget it.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53- How could you do this to me? - What?
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Look, I know he ain't the best-looking guy in the world.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58But what the hell? It's only sex.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00I wanted it to be special.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02Oh. Well, you started it!
0:38:02 > 0:38:05"A centre parting is very European-looking"?
0:38:05 > 0:38:07You lost me my girlfriend!
0:38:07 > 0:38:09I was saving it for the boy I fell in love with.
0:38:18 > 0:38:19Look, nothing happened, OK?
0:38:22 > 0:38:24- Really? - Really.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28Well, that's not what Nicky's telling everyone.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30Well, Nicky is a liar!
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Try telling that to the entire world.
0:38:34 > 0:38:36How does it feel being a cheap little slut?
0:38:40 > 0:38:43Looks like I'm gonna have to have a talk to that sonofabitch
0:38:43 > 0:38:45because nobody calls us a slut.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01Pass! Pass!
0:39:02 > 0:39:04BOY: Hey, hey, Nicky! Here's your ho!
0:39:06 > 0:39:07Hey!
0:39:07 > 0:39:09Been looking for you!
0:39:09 > 0:39:11Yeah? Well, you found me, babe.
0:39:11 > 0:39:12What the hell did you say?
0:39:12 > 0:39:15Huh?
0:39:15 > 0:39:16Nothing...
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Oh, really?
0:39:18 > 0:39:21..that wasn't 100% true.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24- BOY: Nicky, you dog! - You're a greasy, scumbag liar.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27And you've got a very dirty little mouth.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32But then again, I already knew that.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36You're a regular little hellcat, aintcha?
0:39:36 > 0:39:37Asshole!
0:39:40 > 0:39:42- That's no way to treat a lady! - Ugh!
0:39:42 > 0:39:45What kind of word is 'aintcha'? It's just wrong on so many levels.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48Why don't you tell everyone what really happened, huh?
0:39:48 > 0:39:50- Tell 'em! - Nothing!
0:39:50 > 0:39:51Nothing happened!
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Then I think you owe this sweet, innocent,
0:39:53 > 0:39:55yet still very attractive young lady an apology.
0:39:55 > 0:39:58(GROANS) I'm sorry!
0:39:58 > 0:40:00Huh?
0:40:00 > 0:40:02I'm sorry!
0:40:02 > 0:40:04Thanks.
0:40:10 > 0:40:14It's so much fun to hit someone. I wanna go back and punch him again!
0:40:14 > 0:40:15Easy, champ.
0:40:16 > 0:40:20Doesn't mean I forgive you about screwing up Breanna and I.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22"Breanna and ME."
0:40:22 > 0:40:24Sorry.
0:40:24 > 0:40:25I'll try and fix things.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28What's the point? I'm a girl, remember?
0:40:30 > 0:40:31Jeez, what am I gonna do?
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Homecoming's next Friday.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35I know. It's a complete disaster.
0:40:35 > 0:40:38What were we doing before this happened?
0:40:38 > 0:40:40- Arguing. - We always argue.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42- Not always. - (CLEARS THROAT)
0:40:42 > 0:40:43We were at the museum...
0:40:45 > 0:40:46..in front of that ugly Mexican dude.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Aztec.
0:40:48 > 0:40:49Tezcatlipoca.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51That's the guy.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53He is the ancient god of sorcery.
0:40:57 > 0:40:58BOTH: No...
0:41:04 > 0:41:06GUARD: Closing in five minutes, folks.
0:41:11 > 0:41:12(CLEARS THROAT)
0:41:15 > 0:41:17(WHISPERS) OK, you go first.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20(WHISPERS) No, you go first. You have the biggest mouth.
0:41:20 > 0:41:21Hi. How are you?
0:41:21 > 0:41:25Is that the best you can do? He's a god, not your Aunt Betsy!
0:41:25 > 0:41:28Now, you may have gotten the impression that this young fellow -
0:41:28 > 0:41:31this lovely young fellow - and I didn't like each other.
0:41:31 > 0:41:35But let me tell you, that could not be any farther from the truth.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37That's right.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39Sure, we were fighting, but all friends fight, right?
0:41:39 > 0:41:41I mean, how could you not like Nell?
0:41:41 > 0:41:44She's, er...tidy, very tidy.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47And, er...smart. Way smart.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51Kinda cute, especially when she does that thing with her nose.
0:41:51 > 0:41:53We get along really well.
0:41:53 > 0:41:56Yeah. We're actually very close.
0:41:56 > 0:41:59The closest. Real homeys!
0:41:59 > 0:42:01- To the end, bro. - Don't overdo it.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06So, uh...now that we've got that cleared up,
0:42:06 > 0:42:08here's what we're gonna do.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10We'll close our eyes, count to three,
0:42:10 > 0:42:13and when we open them up, we'll be back in our right bodies.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16If that's OK with you.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19Which I'm sure it is, 'cause it's just a big misunderstanding.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21We'll probably laugh about it in years to come.
0:42:21 > 0:42:25(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Let's do it!
0:42:31 > 0:42:32One.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35BOTH: Two.
0:42:36 > 0:42:37Three.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48Maybe he only speaks Mexican.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51So what are we gonna do next? Buy him an enchilada?
0:42:52 > 0:42:54I had my heart set on Yale.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57Oh, no, please not the tears! Please!
0:42:57 > 0:43:01Look, you think I wanna end up working in my dad's spatula store?
0:43:01 > 0:43:03I don't know.
0:43:07 > 0:43:10Wait...
0:43:10 > 0:43:12You beat up Nicky!
0:43:12 > 0:43:13So?
0:43:15 > 0:43:19So, you have my body, my strength!
0:43:19 > 0:43:22All I need to do is show you how to use it.
0:43:23 > 0:43:24- Huh? - OK.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28And we could study, so you can get through my interview.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Huh?
0:43:30 > 0:43:33('TRYIN' TO HELP' BY ORSON PLAYS)
0:43:44 > 0:43:45SONG: # Come on, baby Why the long face?
0:43:45 > 0:43:48# You're messing up my headspace
0:43:50 > 0:43:52# Now I can see you've had a long day
0:43:52 > 0:43:54# Let's talk about it anyway
0:43:56 > 0:44:00# Hey, there's a million ways to do the same thing
0:44:03 > 0:44:07# I know I don't always get it But you gotta give me credit now
0:44:07 > 0:44:09# Whoa, oh
0:44:09 > 0:44:12# Look, I'm only tryin' to help
0:44:12 > 0:44:14# I'm only tryin' to help
0:44:14 > 0:44:16# I'm only tryin' to make it through another day
0:44:16 > 0:44:20# Look, I'm only tryin' to make it through another day
0:44:20 > 0:44:21# Another day
0:44:21 > 0:44:23# Uh!
0:44:23 > 0:44:24# Oh, yeah... #
0:44:25 > 0:44:26Sorry!
0:44:33 > 0:44:35The quarterback...
0:44:35 > 0:44:37- C'est moi? - Yes.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39Once the snap count has been given,
0:44:39 > 0:44:41the centre snaps the ball to the quarterback,
0:44:41 > 0:44:42and that's when play begins.
0:44:42 > 0:44:44Are you with me so far?
0:44:44 > 0:44:46- Yes. - Good.
0:44:46 > 0:44:47Now, the offence has a limited...
0:44:47 > 0:44:50"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
0:44:50 > 0:44:53"Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
0:44:53 > 0:44:57"Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
0:44:57 > 0:45:00"and summer's lease hath all too short a date."
0:45:00 > 0:45:01So...
0:45:01 > 0:45:04He's not actually saying that she's like a summer's day,
0:45:04 > 0:45:07he's saying she's kind of hot, like a summer's day.
0:45:07 > 0:45:10- Yeah, that's it exactly. - Huh. Right.
0:45:10 > 0:45:13You know, I still can't imagine
0:45:13 > 0:45:15ever actually saying something like that to someone.
0:45:15 > 0:45:17It'd be, like, so uncool.
0:45:17 > 0:45:21Maybe you just have to meet the right person to say that kind of stuff to.
0:45:21 > 0:45:24Or maybe I just don't wanna look like a doofus.
0:45:24 > 0:45:26Old Shakey must've really liked that one.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28She must've been some babe.
0:45:28 > 0:45:30Actually, Shakespeare wrote this to a young man.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33- Shakespeare was a homo? - We don't know that exactly.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36(LAUGHS) He writes a poem to a guy, telling him how hot he is,
0:45:36 > 0:45:38and you don't know exactly?
0:45:38 > 0:45:40Jeez, what do you have to do before you know exactly?
0:45:40 > 0:45:42Write an ode to a schlong?
0:45:43 > 0:45:45I think that's enough for today.
0:45:45 > 0:45:47The Bard was a bender. Who would have thought?
0:45:49 > 0:45:50See you tomorrow.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52- 'Bye. - 'Night.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00Listen, I was wrong about your parents.
0:46:00 > 0:46:02They're alright once you get used to your mom's language.
0:46:02 > 0:46:06- Mom's pretty cool. - Yeah.
0:46:06 > 0:46:08Woody, can I ask you a question?
0:46:11 > 0:46:12Sure.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Um...
0:46:14 > 0:46:15In the morning...
0:46:17 > 0:46:19- Never mind. - What?
0:46:19 > 0:46:21- No, it's nothing, really. - Go on.
0:46:21 > 0:46:22It's a little embarrassing...
0:46:23 > 0:46:25..but every morning, you have, uh...
0:46:26 > 0:46:28..this thing.
0:46:30 > 0:46:31- You know. - No.
0:46:31 > 0:46:35- A...thingummyjig. - What?
0:46:35 > 0:46:37You know...
0:46:37 > 0:46:38..every morning...
0:46:40 > 0:46:42Oh, you mean the old boner!
0:46:42 > 0:46:44No, that's not exactly the word I would have used.
0:46:44 > 0:46:46Boy, do I miss that guy.
0:46:46 > 0:46:49I'm sure you do. What I'd like to know is how can I get rid of it?
0:46:51 > 0:46:52Only one way I know how.
0:46:52 > 0:46:56Woody, that's disgusting! I would never...
0:46:56 > 0:46:58There's gotta be another way, right?
0:46:59 > 0:47:04Well, there is one thing that I do in case of emergencies.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07Sort of lets the air out of the old tyre, if you know what I'm saying.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09First, I close my eyes.
0:47:10 > 0:47:12And then I think of you. Psssst.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16Works every time.
0:47:16 > 0:47:18- Goodnight. - See ya!
0:47:33 > 0:47:34Hey, want one?
0:47:36 > 0:47:38No, thanks.
0:47:40 > 0:47:44You were kind of quiet up there tonight. You OK?
0:47:44 > 0:47:46Yeah. Yeah, I was just studying with Nell.
0:47:46 > 0:47:49Oh, is that what you young people are calling it these days?
0:47:49 > 0:47:50Nell's not that kind of girl.
0:47:50 > 0:47:54No, I know. I know. She's a good kid.
0:47:55 > 0:48:00You know, way back, her dad Ted and I used to hang out together.
0:48:00 > 0:48:02He was a good guy, Ted.
0:48:02 > 0:48:04He still is.
0:48:04 > 0:48:06I mean, as far as I know.
0:48:08 > 0:48:10Whatever happened between you two?
0:48:10 > 0:48:11Oh, Nell's mom, Katherine -
0:48:11 > 0:48:15I guess she didn't really approve or something.
0:48:16 > 0:48:20We weren't her kind of people, I guess.
0:48:20 > 0:48:22(LAUGHS) Goodnight, son.
0:48:24 > 0:48:25'Night...
0:48:25 > 0:48:27..Dad.
0:48:35 > 0:48:38- (SOBS) - Oh, God, she's crying.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43- Chanel? - (SNIFFS) Yeah?
0:48:43 > 0:48:44You OK?
0:48:45 > 0:48:47No. (SOBS)
0:48:47 > 0:48:48(THINKS) Oh, crap.
0:48:52 > 0:48:54What's wrong?
0:48:54 > 0:48:55It's Harry.
0:48:55 > 0:48:57He's seeing some other girl.
0:48:57 > 0:49:00No, he wouldn't do that.
0:49:01 > 0:49:04Well, then, how come I saw him with his tongue stuck down her throat?
0:49:04 > 0:49:06Oh...
0:49:06 > 0:49:09- Did you see who it was? - No.
0:49:09 > 0:49:11They were in his car.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14But I saw what they were doing clear enough.
0:49:14 > 0:49:17Why are guys such jerks?
0:49:21 > 0:49:23Why am I asking you, right?
0:49:23 > 0:49:25You know less about guys than anybody on the planet.
0:49:28 > 0:49:29- I'm sorry. - No.
0:49:29 > 0:49:31I didn't mean that.
0:49:31 > 0:49:32- You're right. - I'm sorry.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34What do I know about guys?
0:49:36 > 0:49:40I'm so stupid! I know what Horse is like.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44Then why do you go out with him?
0:49:46 > 0:49:50'Cause when I started at Westdale I felt invisible.
0:49:51 > 0:49:54And then I started going out with Horse
0:49:54 > 0:49:57and I became friends with Breanna, Tiffany, Woody and everyone,
0:49:57 > 0:50:00and then people started to notice me.
0:50:02 > 0:50:03And I like that.
0:50:05 > 0:50:10So I guess I'm just afraid of feeling invisible again.
0:50:11 > 0:50:15You know, I think a lot more people feel that way than you realise.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18You don't.
0:50:18 > 0:50:21You go your own way no matter what anybody thinks.
0:50:24 > 0:50:26I admire you, Nell.
0:50:31 > 0:50:33And this is my room.
0:50:33 > 0:50:35And this is Mr Stinky. You have to say hello.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38Why did you invite that pencilneck to our sleepover?
0:50:39 > 0:50:41Um...Nell's OK.
0:50:41 > 0:50:44She just wants to hang. Right, Nell?
0:50:44 > 0:50:49Oh, yeah. Can't wait till we all get in our jammies.
0:50:50 > 0:50:51I guess...
0:50:53 > 0:50:55I see you've finally seen the errors of your geekish ways.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58Oh, I have. This girl just wants to have fun.
0:51:00 > 0:51:01OK! OK!
0:51:01 > 0:51:03So let's get into our PJs!
0:51:03 > 0:51:06GIRLS: Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
0:51:08 > 0:51:10(THINKS) Oh, man.
0:51:10 > 0:51:12Life is such a bitch.
0:51:14 > 0:51:16(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
0:51:16 > 0:51:21Lock target and fire at will-you-check-out-that-ass?
0:51:21 > 0:51:24- What about Chanel? - Huh?
0:51:24 > 0:51:26Nah, don't see her.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Think about it, Harry.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30Are you willing to betray the love of a good woman
0:51:30 > 0:51:33for the cheap thrill of a tawdry one-night stand?
0:51:33 > 0:51:36(LAUGHS)
0:51:38 > 0:51:40You crack me up. You know that, boy?
0:51:40 > 0:51:44You were always into the faithful thing, buddy. I'm the Horse.
0:51:44 > 0:51:46Horse people know no such boundaries.
0:51:46 > 0:51:50And plus, tonight, I'm gonna lock target -
0:51:50 > 0:51:51early.
0:51:51 > 0:51:54- What? - You know how it happens.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56A few drinks, quality control goes out the window...
0:51:56 > 0:51:58Before you know it,
0:51:58 > 0:52:01you're sucking face with some swill-muncher from downtown.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03Or worse still, I end up here with you,
0:52:03 > 0:52:07drunk on some dark street, telling you I love you.
0:52:07 > 0:52:10And you know neither of us want that to happen, homey.
0:52:10 > 0:52:11Let's go to the party.
0:52:13 > 0:52:15So, Breanna, you're not seeing Woody anymore?
0:52:15 > 0:52:17Ugh, that is so over.
0:52:17 > 0:52:20It's such a shame. I mean, you guys were, like, the perfect couple.
0:52:20 > 0:52:24Duh! I was only seeing him because he's football captain.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27Without me, he's just another dumb jock with his brains in his shorts.
0:52:27 > 0:52:30Which is convenient, because there's not much else going on down there,
0:52:30 > 0:52:32if you catch my drift.
0:52:35 > 0:52:37MAN: Oh, yeah! Ooh!
0:52:41 > 0:52:43You're a loser, man!
0:52:49 > 0:52:53Manicures, pedicures, face masks... Are we done yet?
0:52:53 > 0:52:56Nell, I couldn't help but notice
0:52:56 > 0:52:59that you're a little on the, um...bristly side.
0:53:00 > 0:53:03- (CLEARS THROAT) What? - Down below.
0:53:04 > 0:53:09You've got sort of, um... a rainforest thing going on.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12Ain't it supposed to be bushy?
0:53:12 > 0:53:13Oh.
0:53:13 > 0:53:15We've all gone totally Latino.
0:53:15 > 0:53:16BOTH: Totally.
0:53:16 > 0:53:18- Really? - You should too.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20- Yeah. - Absolutely.
0:53:20 > 0:53:22You know, we could do it for you right now!
0:53:23 > 0:53:26Latino!
0:53:26 > 0:53:27What the hell? Let's do it.
0:53:28 > 0:53:31OK, girls, we have a green light on the Brazilian.
0:53:31 > 0:53:32Whoa, whoa!
0:53:32 > 0:53:34Tiffany, bring me scissors and depilatory strips.
0:53:34 > 0:53:36Chanel, I'm gonna need towels and hot water.
0:53:36 > 0:53:37Lots of it.
0:53:37 > 0:53:39Nell, sit back, relax,
0:53:39 > 0:53:41and do exactly what I say.
0:53:41 > 0:53:42(SQUEALS)
0:53:42 > 0:53:45ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
0:53:45 > 0:53:47Yeah!
0:53:51 > 0:53:52One more. Gimme one more.
0:53:52 > 0:53:54ALL: Oi, oi, oi!
0:53:54 > 0:53:56Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug! Oi, oi, oi!
0:53:58 > 0:54:00- Bite down on this. - (SQUEALS)
0:54:00 > 0:54:02On three. One...
0:54:02 > 0:54:04- (THINKS) I think this is a bad idea. - ..two...three.
0:54:04 > 0:54:07(SQUEALS, CRIES)
0:54:07 > 0:54:11- HORSE: Did I say I love you, man? - (SINGS) # And it seems to me... #
0:54:11 > 0:54:13- I really do love you, man. - # You lived your life... #
0:54:13 > 0:54:14You're like...
0:54:14 > 0:54:16..my twin brother.
0:54:18 > 0:54:21You white, but you my twin brother.
0:54:25 > 0:54:26Ah!
0:54:26 > 0:54:28Man, this is one tender Brazilian.
0:54:31 > 0:54:32How are you feeling?
0:54:32 > 0:54:35(SIGHS) A little better.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41- How much did you drink last night? - I don't know.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44I just remember feeling unusually happy
0:54:44 > 0:54:46and having a really good time
0:54:46 > 0:54:49and it's like someone picked up the room and started spinning it.
0:54:49 > 0:54:51I don't know. I'm such an idiot.
0:54:51 > 0:54:53Think of it as a rite of passage.
0:54:53 > 0:54:55Just go easy next time.
0:54:55 > 0:54:57Mmm.
0:54:58 > 0:55:00Thanks for taking care of me.
0:55:02 > 0:55:04Yeah.
0:55:04 > 0:55:06See you after lunch?
0:55:06 > 0:55:09- We have stuff to do today. - Mmm. I know.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11OK.
0:55:11 > 0:55:15Draw it back, pump fake, and then throw the ball.
0:55:15 > 0:55:16OK.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18Alright. I can do that.
0:55:22 > 0:55:23- Back... - You're telegraphing.
0:55:23 > 0:55:26You're already telegraphing. Watch me. Follow what I do.
0:55:29 > 0:55:31- Ooh. What is that? - What's what?
0:55:31 > 0:55:33What's sticking in my ass?
0:55:33 > 0:55:35Oh. Sorry.
0:55:35 > 0:55:38- We're meant to be playing football. - Look, it's not my fault.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41I'm sorry. It's...it's your thing, not mine.
0:55:41 > 0:55:42Yeah, but you're behind the wheel.
0:55:42 > 0:55:44I guess that means you find me attractive.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47(SCOFFS) Oh, no, actually, that means you find ME attractive.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50Let's not read too much into it, OK? This thing finds minerals attractive.
0:55:50 > 0:55:51That is such a guy thing to say.
0:55:51 > 0:55:53Can we just keep playing football, please?
0:55:53 > 0:55:56Sure. As long as you keep my dick out of your butt.
0:56:27 > 0:56:29Hoo-uh! (GRUNTS)
0:56:31 > 0:56:33Ah! Came through the window.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36One of the many skills I've acquired of late.
0:56:36 > 0:56:38- NELL'S MOM: Are you OK? - Oh, keep our voices down.
0:56:38 > 0:56:42If my mom knows I've got a boy in my room, she'd spontaneously combust.
0:56:42 > 0:56:45Trying to decide what to wear for your interview.
0:56:45 > 0:56:47Navy suit, white blouse and sensible shoes.
0:56:47 > 0:56:49You don't think something a little hotter?
0:56:49 > 0:56:51This is an interview!
0:56:55 > 0:56:56You're joking.
0:56:56 > 0:56:58Mm-hm. At least now you can tell.
0:56:59 > 0:57:01(SIGHS) I've been thinking.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03While we're like this,
0:57:03 > 0:57:06I wonder if it'd make sense that we go to the homecoming dance together.
0:57:07 > 0:57:10I mean, only because... well, who else would we go with?
0:57:10 > 0:57:13I don't want to be stuck with Pencilneck for the whole night.
0:57:13 > 0:57:14It wouldn't be a date!
0:57:14 > 0:57:16- No, no, no. - No.
0:57:19 > 0:57:21- I-I'd like that. - Great. It's a date.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25A non-date date. Hmm.
0:57:25 > 0:57:27NELL'S MOM: Nell, wash hands. Dinner!
0:57:27 > 0:57:29- Oh. - That's my cue to go.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34(WHISPERS) OK. Date.
0:57:34 > 0:57:36Oh! (GRUNTS)
0:57:36 > 0:57:40- (THUMP!) - It's alright. I'm OK.
0:57:42 > 0:57:46Mmm. I'm going to be kinda late tomorrow. (SNIFFS)
0:57:46 > 0:57:48Kind OF.
0:57:51 > 0:57:53Kind of late tomorrow.
0:57:54 > 0:57:57What is with you at the moment? Ted?
0:57:57 > 0:58:00Sometimes I feel as though I don't know who you are anymore.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02She's growing up, Katherine.
0:58:06 > 0:58:11So are you going to tell me what you're doing or is it a secret?
0:58:12 > 0:58:15It's no secret. I'm studying with Woody.
0:58:15 > 0:58:16Again?!
0:58:16 > 0:58:18Yeah. You got a problem with that?
0:58:19 > 0:58:21No.
0:58:25 > 0:58:27If you want to waste your valuable time, that's your affair.
0:58:27 > 0:58:29Who says I'm wasting my time?
0:58:29 > 0:58:32Oh, Nell. You only have to look at the boy.
0:58:32 > 0:58:34What's wrong with him?
0:58:34 > 0:58:36He's stupid, he's trouble and he's a loser.
0:58:36 > 0:58:38You told me so yourself.
0:58:41 > 0:58:43And there's nothing you can do to change that.
0:58:43 > 0:58:45Look at his family.
0:58:45 > 0:58:47You're up against basic genetics.
0:59:09 > 0:59:12Hi...Mr Bedworth.
0:59:13 > 0:59:15Is Nell around?
0:59:15 > 0:59:18Um, she's gone back to school, I think, son.
0:59:18 > 0:59:20She said she had to do some extra studying.
0:59:20 > 0:59:22She has her interview with Yale tomorrow.
0:59:22 > 0:59:24Oh, OK.
0:59:24 > 0:59:26Well, thanks.
0:59:27 > 0:59:30So, how have you been, Mr Bedworth.
0:59:30 > 0:59:32I'm fine, Woody. Just fine.
0:59:32 > 0:59:34Good. Good.
0:59:34 > 0:59:37Well, give my best to your wife.
0:59:37 > 0:59:39- I will do. - Alright.
0:59:39 > 0:59:40'Bye.
0:59:47 > 0:59:49(GRUNTS)
0:59:53 > 0:59:55What are you trying to do?
0:59:55 > 0:59:56(GRUNTS)
1:00:00 > 1:00:01(GRUNTS)
1:00:01 > 1:00:03- Stop. You're going to hurt your... - Back off!
1:00:06 > 1:00:08Why are you doing this?
1:00:11 > 1:00:12Because this is who I am.
1:00:15 > 1:00:17This is all I've ever been.
1:00:20 > 1:00:21I'm not even that.
1:00:21 > 1:00:23(GRUNTS)
1:00:27 > 1:00:28Football's not who you are.
1:00:31 > 1:00:34You don't get it, do you? People like you never do.
1:00:34 > 1:00:36People like me?!
1:00:36 > 1:00:38What exactly is it that people like me don't get?
1:00:38 > 1:00:39People like ME.
1:00:41 > 1:00:43Then educate me, please.
1:00:44 > 1:00:46OK.
1:00:49 > 1:00:50We like to play ball.
1:00:52 > 1:00:54Maybe we're even pretty good at it.
1:00:54 > 1:00:58So maybe we get accepted to some second-rate shitkicker college
1:00:58 > 1:01:02or maybe we go work for our dad at the spatula store.
1:01:03 > 1:01:04Who knows?
1:01:04 > 1:01:09But what we don't get is a great job, a big apartment in the city,
1:01:09 > 1:01:11and a Yale education.
1:01:11 > 1:01:13So that's what this is about? The interview?
1:01:13 > 1:01:15No.
1:01:18 > 1:01:20Yes.
1:01:20 > 1:01:21I don't know!
1:01:21 > 1:01:24It's OK to be nervous.
1:01:24 > 1:01:26Nothing is OK!
1:01:26 > 1:01:27Nothing!
1:01:28 > 1:01:32Tomorrow I'm supposed to be playing the most important game of my life.
1:01:32 > 1:01:34It's my destiny!
1:01:34 > 1:01:35Mine!
1:01:36 > 1:01:40I'm not supposed to be attending some college interview.
1:01:40 > 1:01:42So we've got the wrong lives.
1:01:42 > 1:01:44But sometimes you've just got to get on with life.
1:01:46 > 1:01:47Let things fall into place.
1:01:51 > 1:01:53Do me a favour.
1:01:53 > 1:01:56Save your inspirational speeches for someone who gives a damn.
1:01:57 > 1:01:59I know who I am.
1:01:59 > 1:02:03I'm a loser, I'm trouble and I'm stupid. It's basic genetics.
1:02:05 > 1:02:06Can't help it.
1:02:09 > 1:02:13Funny. Never took you for a quitter.
1:02:13 > 1:02:18SONG: # Take as much time as you need to heal
1:02:18 > 1:02:21# Such a pretty girl
1:02:25 > 1:02:28# I once was where you are
1:02:28 > 1:02:32# So alone
1:02:32 > 1:02:38# I once had begged the great Lord above
1:02:38 > 1:02:41# Please bring him home
1:02:44 > 1:02:47# Be strong
1:02:47 > 1:02:51# So strong
1:02:51 > 1:02:55# I know you can, baby girl
1:02:55 > 1:02:58# Hold on
1:02:58 > 1:03:01# Be strong
1:03:01 > 1:03:04# So strong
1:03:04 > 1:03:10# 'Cause now your man, baby girl, is gone... #
1:03:18 > 1:03:20You can go in.
1:03:26 > 1:03:28Miss Bedworth.
1:03:28 > 1:03:30Yes. Nell.
1:03:30 > 1:03:31Please take a seat.
1:03:33 > 1:03:35Well, Nell.
1:03:35 > 1:03:38One of the qualities we hope for in any Yale student
1:03:38 > 1:03:40is their passion.
1:03:40 > 1:03:44Your term papers and test results are exemplary.
1:03:44 > 1:03:47In fact, your love and knowledge of literature
1:03:47 > 1:03:50is rare in a person of your years.
1:03:53 > 1:03:56Thank you. It's an important part of my life.
1:03:57 > 1:03:59Go on.
1:04:02 > 1:04:03Poetry, for instance.
1:04:06 > 1:04:09I like the way that it can articulate and express feelings -
1:04:09 > 1:04:14complicated and difficult feelings that you can't explain literally.
1:04:21 > 1:04:24What about modern literature?
1:04:24 > 1:04:26Are there are any contemporary writers or poets
1:04:26 > 1:04:28that you particularly admire?
1:04:28 > 1:04:30Hmm.
1:04:32 > 1:04:34No. Not really.
1:04:34 > 1:04:38Well, why is that?
1:04:40 > 1:04:42Because they suck.
1:04:42 > 1:04:43Oh.
1:04:43 > 1:04:46ANNOUNCER: (OVER P.A. SYSTEM) Welcome, everybody, to homecoming,
1:04:46 > 1:04:48the biggest game of the year.
1:04:48 > 1:04:51Surely if poetry is no longer relevant,
1:04:51 > 1:04:56then poets and their artform are doomed to extinction.
1:04:56 > 1:04:58Ooh.
1:05:03 > 1:05:06I think that will be all.
1:05:21 > 1:05:24Actually, I do like some modern poets.
1:05:25 > 1:05:27In fact, I love 'em.
1:05:27 > 1:05:29- Oh. - Yeah.
1:05:29 > 1:05:3250 Cent, Petey Pablo, Marshall Mathers.
1:05:32 > 1:05:34I don't believe I'm familiar with their work.
1:05:34 > 1:05:35Well, they're rap artists.
1:05:35 > 1:05:37And you consider that to be poetry?
1:05:37 > 1:05:39Absolutely.
1:05:39 > 1:05:40It's urban poetry, sir.
1:05:40 > 1:05:42They talk about their lives and their experiences
1:05:42 > 1:05:45and they can be very brutal
1:05:45 > 1:05:49but often undercut with humour, a dark humour.
1:05:49 > 1:05:51Here. Check it out.
1:05:51 > 1:05:53ANNOUNCER: Let's hear it for the home team.
1:05:53 > 1:05:55The Westdale Bay Beavers!
1:05:55 > 1:05:57(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
1:05:57 > 1:05:59That's my boy!
1:05:59 > 1:06:02Let's hear it for our star quarterback, Woody Deane.
1:06:02 > 1:06:04That is my boy! That is my son!
1:06:04 > 1:06:06That's my son!
1:06:06 > 1:06:07(HORN BEEPS)
1:06:07 > 1:06:09Wait!
1:06:24 > 1:06:25(BLOWS WHISTLE)
1:06:25 > 1:06:27ANNOUNCER: Here we go!
1:06:30 > 1:06:32(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE)
1:06:32 > 1:06:37Number 83, Johnny Chapton for the Beavers, on a 10-yard pass.
1:06:37 > 1:06:39Beavers rule! Beavers rule!
1:06:39 > 1:06:41The 30-yard line. First and down.
1:06:41 > 1:06:43MAN: Good luck, 82!
1:06:47 > 1:06:48Hut!
1:06:52 > 1:06:56Hey, you! Leave him alone or I'll sort you out.
1:07:05 > 1:07:06(GROANS)
1:07:06 > 1:07:08(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE)
1:07:08 > 1:07:09Ahhh.
1:07:09 > 1:07:14ANNOUNCER: That's a touchdown to the Razorbacks, folks,
1:07:14 > 1:07:19and, uh, they've obviously been practising their celebrations.
1:07:23 > 1:07:25And it's fourth and down.
1:07:31 > 1:07:33Oh, no, no!
1:07:35 > 1:07:39- (REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE) - And it's touchdown Razorbacks.
1:07:39 > 1:07:43They take the lead 14-0 early in the fourth quarter.
1:07:43 > 1:07:45There's still time, folks,
1:07:45 > 1:07:48but Woody Deane's really gotta make some big plays.
1:07:57 > 1:07:59Hut!
1:08:01 > 1:08:02(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE)
1:08:02 > 1:08:06Oh, the 12-yard loss of play.
1:08:06 > 1:08:09Deane sacked again. This is really unusual, folks.
1:08:09 > 1:08:10Hey, man, come on. Go!
1:08:10 > 1:08:13Buddy, you just messed with the wrong girl.
1:08:17 > 1:08:18Hi.
1:08:18 > 1:08:21Hi, Nell. I didn't know that football was your bag.
1:08:21 > 1:08:24Yeah, I just came to cheer on...the team.
1:08:24 > 1:08:26Yeah. We're not doing too good.
1:08:30 > 1:08:32What... Whoa, whoa. Whoa!
1:08:34 > 1:08:36That's my boy!
1:08:36 > 1:08:38He's my boy! He's my flesh and blood!
1:08:46 > 1:08:48- (AUDIENCE CHEERS) - Yeaaah!
1:08:48 > 1:08:51Beavers! Great run by Harry the Horse!
1:08:51 > 1:08:53ALL: Play for a touchdown!
1:08:53 > 1:08:56- Yes! Yes! Yes! - Hey, hey. Sit your fat arse down.
1:08:56 > 1:08:57Point taken.
1:09:00 > 1:09:02- Wanna munch on some dog? - Yeah, thanks.
1:09:05 > 1:09:06Thanks, Dad.
1:09:10 > 1:09:11Ooh!
1:09:14 > 1:09:17- Oh! - (WHISTLE BLOWS)
1:09:17 > 1:09:19And the kick is good!
1:09:19 > 1:09:22ALL: Push it back! Push it back! Whoo!
1:09:22 > 1:09:24And this is it, folks. Five seconds to go.
1:09:24 > 1:09:26Time for one more play.
1:09:26 > 1:09:29This is make or break for the Beavers.
1:09:33 > 1:09:35Ready?
1:09:35 > 1:09:36Hut!
1:09:37 > 1:09:39Come on!
1:09:47 > 1:09:48Go, girl.
1:09:59 > 1:10:02- It's a touchdown! - Yeah!
1:10:02 > 1:10:06Touchdown! Westdale Bay Beavers win the game on the last play!
1:10:06 > 1:10:09Woody Deane!
1:10:09 > 1:10:10- Ha-ha! - Woody Deane wins it!
1:10:10 > 1:10:12Whoo!
1:10:12 > 1:10:15..for a touchdown and the Beavers win!
1:10:15 > 1:10:16Yeah!
1:10:16 > 1:10:18Yes!
1:10:20 > 1:10:21Beavers! Beavers!
1:10:23 > 1:10:25What are you waiting here for?
1:10:30 > 1:10:33(ALL CHEER)
1:10:38 > 1:10:40It was a great game, son. Great game.
1:10:40 > 1:10:41- Thank you. - Decided on a college yet?
1:10:41 > 1:10:44I've had my heart set on Yale since I was a little girl.
1:10:44 > 1:10:46That's funny. You know what?
1:10:46 > 1:10:48Get your parents to give me a call, alright?
1:10:48 > 1:10:51We're not Yale but I think you might like what we have to offer.
1:10:51 > 1:10:54- Thank you so much. - No problems. It was a great game.
1:10:54 > 1:10:55Thank you.
1:10:59 > 1:11:01(LAUGHS)
1:11:01 > 1:11:04You did it!
1:11:04 > 1:11:05You were great!
1:11:05 > 1:11:08Thank you. Did you see me out there? We totally kicked ass!
1:11:08 > 1:11:11Oh, and that guy back there, he was a scout. He gave me this card.
1:11:11 > 1:11:14You're going to college. No spatulas.
1:11:14 > 1:11:17That's... Thank you.
1:11:17 > 1:11:20You know what the best part is? I totally loved it.
1:11:20 > 1:11:23I mean, your adrenaline gets pumping and the crowd was totally into it.
1:11:27 > 1:11:29Oh, the interview.
1:11:29 > 1:11:31Oh, my God. I totally forgot.
1:11:31 > 1:11:33How was it?
1:11:34 > 1:11:39It was amazing. I mean, the place was.
1:11:39 > 1:11:42For a moment I really felt like...part of it.
1:11:45 > 1:11:48I gave it my best shot.
1:11:48 > 1:11:51I'm sure you did.
1:11:51 > 1:11:53And that's all anyone can ask.
1:11:54 > 1:11:56And I'll tell you something -
1:11:56 > 1:12:00they would be lucky to have someone like you.
1:12:00 > 1:12:02Thank you.
1:12:02 > 1:12:04Oh! Ditto.
1:12:04 > 1:12:06(CHUCKLES)
1:12:06 > 1:12:10You know, if I have to spend my life as someone else...
1:12:11 > 1:12:14..I'd be honoured to be you.
1:12:16 > 1:12:17Ditto back at ya.
1:12:18 > 1:12:21- Double ditto. - BOTH: Double, double ditto.
1:12:21 > 1:12:22(BOTH LAUGH)
1:12:22 > 1:12:25(RUMBLING)
1:12:30 > 1:12:32Hey, there he is! Whoo-hoo!
1:12:32 > 1:12:34(ALL CHEER)
1:12:43 > 1:12:46Woody...
1:12:46 > 1:12:48Hey, guys. Hey, I'm back.
1:12:48 > 1:12:51HORSE: What are you talking about 'back', man?
1:12:52 > 1:12:53Whoo!
1:12:55 > 1:12:57Hey there, Mr Football Hero.
1:12:57 > 1:13:00Do I look attractive enough for you now?
1:13:12 > 1:13:14Woody?
1:13:19 > 1:13:21Please, Mrs Bedworth. I need to speak to Nell.
1:13:21 > 1:13:23Well, she doesn't wish to speak with you.
1:13:23 > 1:13:25I have to talk to her.
1:13:25 > 1:13:26She isn't going to the dance, Woody.
1:13:26 > 1:13:30But she did say she hopes you have a good time with Breanna Bailey.
1:13:34 > 1:13:38For just one moment, Woody, I thought you'd changed.
1:13:43 > 1:13:45Oh!
1:13:45 > 1:13:49Come on, honey. Why the sad face?
1:13:51 > 1:13:53You've got everything we've ever wanted.
1:14:05 > 1:14:09('LIFE NOT LIVING' BY DANCE YOURSELF TO DEATH PLAYS)
1:14:16 > 1:14:20Oh, my God! Look at that dress! You look fantastic.
1:14:20 > 1:14:22(MUSIC CONTINUES)
1:14:34 > 1:14:37So, do you like my dress?
1:14:38 > 1:14:40Yeah. Yeah, you look nice, Breanna.
1:14:40 > 1:14:42It's so tight, it shows everything.
1:14:43 > 1:14:46I had to leave my panties off.
1:14:46 > 1:14:48Let's hope you don't get diarrhoea, then.
1:14:49 > 1:14:51I'm gonna go get some punch.
1:14:51 > 1:14:56(SINGS) # Pretending that they haven't seen her aflame... #
1:14:56 > 1:14:58- Harry... - Mmm?
1:14:58 > 1:15:00Do you like my dress?
1:15:00 > 1:15:01Yeah, yeah, baby. It looks good on you.
1:15:01 > 1:15:03WOMAN: (ON RADIO) This is WBCR
1:15:03 > 1:15:05coming to you live from Westdale Bay Homecoming.
1:15:05 > 1:15:08A big hi to everybody making their way here this evening.
1:15:08 > 1:15:11Who's going to be homecoming king and queen?
1:15:17 > 1:15:19- I am so nervous. - Are you kidding me?
1:15:19 > 1:15:21- You've got this in the bag. - I know.
1:15:21 > 1:15:23- Check make-up? - Yeah.
1:15:23 > 1:15:25We won't be a minute. Oh!
1:15:25 > 1:15:27Woody, straighten your tie. Photographers!
1:15:33 > 1:15:37You know, seeing you in that tuxedo is making me feel kind of horny.
1:15:37 > 1:15:39Let's do it in the bushes.
1:15:39 > 1:15:41Are you serious?
1:15:41 > 1:15:43Yeah, it'll be like doing it with James Bond.
1:15:43 > 1:15:49Well, you know me - 009.5. Licensed to thrill!
1:15:49 > 1:15:50Hang on, baby.
1:15:52 > 1:15:55(BREATHES HEAVILY) OK, wait.
1:15:55 > 1:15:56What?
1:15:56 > 1:16:00You wait over there and then I'll walk by, like Halle Berry,
1:16:00 > 1:16:02and then you jump up and grab me.
1:16:02 > 1:16:03I'm loving this.
1:16:03 > 1:16:06(NEIGHS, LAUGHS)
1:16:11 > 1:16:14(LAUGHS AND GASPS)
1:16:14 > 1:16:16Whoo! (LAUGHS)
1:16:20 > 1:16:23Ready when you are, baby.
1:16:23 > 1:16:25Ah...come and get me.
1:16:25 > 1:16:27Chanel?
1:16:27 > 1:16:29(STARTS ENGINE)
1:16:29 > 1:16:30Chanel?
1:16:32 > 1:16:35Goodbye, Mr Bond.
1:16:35 > 1:16:36(ENGINE REVS, TYRES SCREECH)
1:16:36 > 1:16:38What the...?
1:16:39 > 1:16:42Halle Berry wouldn't have done that.
1:16:42 > 1:16:45Good evening, Westdale Bay!
1:16:45 > 1:16:47(ALL CHEER)
1:16:47 > 1:16:51And the presentation of the crowns for this year's homecoming...
1:16:52 > 1:16:55(DOOR OPENS)
1:16:59 > 1:17:00Hi, princess.
1:17:00 > 1:17:03Hi, Daddy.
1:17:04 > 1:17:07So you're not going to the dance?
1:17:07 > 1:17:09No.
1:17:09 > 1:17:12Does this have anything to do with Woody?
1:17:14 > 1:17:16No.
1:17:18 > 1:17:20Maybe.
1:17:21 > 1:17:23He likes someone else.
1:17:25 > 1:17:27But is she a princess?
1:17:28 > 1:17:31Any time soon, she'll be a queen.
1:17:31 > 1:17:35No contest. Princesses are younger and prettier.
1:17:35 > 1:17:37Especially when they're my daughter.
1:17:42 > 1:17:44You really like him, don't you?
1:17:45 > 1:17:47Yes.
1:17:47 > 1:17:49Me too.
1:17:49 > 1:17:53I think he's a good one.
1:17:53 > 1:17:55I think you should go.
1:18:03 > 1:18:05I don't have anything to wear.
1:18:05 > 1:18:08Oh, ah...just...
1:18:13 > 1:18:15There. (LAUGHS)
1:18:15 > 1:18:17Now, I'm not usually known for my taste in fashion
1:18:17 > 1:18:20but the young lady in the store said it was 'dope'.
1:18:20 > 1:18:22I have no idea what that means, of course.
1:18:22 > 1:18:24(GASPS)
1:18:25 > 1:18:29- It's beautiful. - Ah...good. Ah...well... (CHUCKLES)
1:18:30 > 1:18:36She said you'd need these too. Now, apparently these are...'heavy'.
1:18:36 > 1:18:39And for all I know, they could be dope as well.
1:18:39 > 1:18:41Oh! Thank you.
1:18:42 > 1:18:46The title of Westdale Bay High Homecoming King
1:18:46 > 1:18:48goes to...
1:18:49 > 1:18:52..our very own footballing hero, Woody Deane.
1:18:52 > 1:18:55(ALL CHEER)
1:19:10 > 1:19:13And now for the biggie.
1:19:13 > 1:19:19This year's Westdale Bay Homecoming Queen is...
1:19:21 > 1:19:23..Breanna Bailey.
1:19:23 > 1:19:26(SCATTERED APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
1:19:34 > 1:19:38Thank you, Miss Bidermeyer, Principal Johnson,
1:19:38 > 1:19:40and thank you, Westdale Bay.
1:19:40 > 1:19:44There are so many people that I need to share this great honour with.
1:19:44 > 1:19:47My mother, for her undying support
1:19:47 > 1:19:49and generous attitude toward cosmetic surgery.
1:19:49 > 1:19:52My hairdresser, Georgios Theodopoulos. My...
1:19:52 > 1:19:54Thank you, Breanna.
1:19:54 > 1:19:58Another round of applause, please, for our homecoming king and queen.
1:19:58 > 1:19:59(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
1:19:59 > 1:20:02('GOODBYE TO ROMANCE' BY OZZY OZBOURNE PLAYS)
1:20:06 > 1:20:09OZZY OSBOURNE: (SINGS) # Yesterday has been and gone
1:20:09 > 1:20:13# Tomorrow will I find the sun
1:20:13 > 1:20:15# Or will it rain? #
1:20:19 > 1:20:21(SONG CONTINUES)
1:20:21 > 1:20:23(MURMURING)
1:20:41 > 1:20:44(MUSIC FADES OUT)
1:20:54 > 1:20:57Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
1:20:57 > 1:21:01Thou art more lovely and temperate...
1:21:01 > 1:21:04Rough winds, blah, blah, blah.
1:21:04 > 1:21:06There's something in there I can't remember.
1:21:06 > 1:21:09And, ah...yadda yadda yadda.
1:21:09 > 1:21:11I'm sorry. I...
1:21:12 > 1:21:14I'm no Shakespeare.
1:21:15 > 1:21:18I guess Romeo wasn't much of a quarterback either, right?
1:21:18 > 1:21:19No.
1:21:19 > 1:21:21I really wish I had
1:21:21 > 1:21:24the most perfect and beautiful words in the world to say to you,
1:21:24 > 1:21:26'cause if I did, I'd say them, but...
1:21:27 > 1:21:31I'd tell you how great you make me feel when I'm with you.
1:21:31 > 1:21:34And how I love that little thing you do with your nose when you smile.
1:21:36 > 1:21:38And you always correct my stupid grammar and I hate it.
1:21:39 > 1:21:43Most of all I'd... I'd tell you that...
1:21:45 > 1:21:48..you make me a better person.
1:21:50 > 1:21:51My own person.
1:21:53 > 1:21:57And that's why I know that this means nothing.
1:21:59 > 1:22:03And you mean everything.
1:22:04 > 1:22:08But hey, I'm just a stupid quarterback.
1:22:09 > 1:22:11I don't have the right words.
1:22:12 > 1:22:14Those were lovely words.
1:22:15 > 1:22:17Perfect words.
1:22:17 > 1:22:20Come here, dumb jock.
1:22:20 > 1:22:22Try and stop me, pencilneck.
1:22:24 > 1:22:25ALL: Aw! Ohh!
1:22:25 > 1:22:28Stop that!
1:22:28 > 1:22:30I'M the homecoming queen!
1:22:30 > 1:22:32Let's get out of here.
1:22:32 > 1:22:34(GASPS) Out of my way!
1:22:34 > 1:22:36I'm the homecoming queen!
1:22:36 > 1:22:38Not so fast, bitch!
1:22:38 > 1:22:41Hey-hey! Nice ass, baby. How about a little twirl?
1:22:42 > 1:22:45(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
1:23:03 > 1:23:06Do you know if I missed this? The homecoming... Did Woody Deane win?
1:23:09 > 1:23:11(POP!)
1:23:11 > 1:23:14Sweet lord!
1:23:30 > 1:23:33- So how are we going to do this? - What?
1:23:33 > 1:23:36You going to your shitkicker college and me going to Yale.
1:23:37 > 1:23:39What?
1:23:39 > 1:23:42You did it. It came this morning.
1:23:42 > 1:23:44Congratulations.
1:23:44 > 1:23:45- What?! - Uh-huh.
1:23:45 > 1:23:46You got in?
1:23:46 > 1:23:48(LAUGHS) Oh, my God. I did it.
1:23:49 > 1:23:53Me and you done pretty good, huh?
1:23:54 > 1:23:55You and me.
1:23:55 > 1:23:59Or...I.
1:23:59 > 1:24:01Will you just kiss me already?
1:24:01 > 1:24:03Yes, ma'am.
1:24:03 > 1:24:07('HIGH' BY JAMES BLUNT PLAYS)
1:24:10 > 1:24:12JAMES BLUNT: (SINGS) # Beautiful dawn
1:24:15 > 1:24:20# You're just blowing my mind again
1:24:20 > 1:24:25# Thought I was born to And last night
1:24:26 > 1:24:31# Into your shine
1:24:31 > 1:24:32# High... #
1:24:43 > 1:24:46You cannot be serious. A year's sabbatical?
1:24:46 > 1:24:49I won't allow it. We're talking about Yale, for heaven's sake.
1:24:49 > 1:24:51(SHRIEKS) Yale!
1:24:52 > 1:24:55I know, Mom. But what the heck, huh?
1:24:56 > 1:24:58Er...Katherine.
1:25:14 > 1:25:16Won't be needing this.
1:25:27 > 1:25:33If I may quote Snoop Dogg, "Let's get it started."
1:25:33 > 1:25:35('LET'S GET IT STARTED' BY THE BLACK EYED PEAS PLAYS)
1:25:36 > 1:25:40Break it down. Huh? You see what I'm saying?
1:25:41 > 1:25:44Actually, I'm not sure if this is Snoop.
1:25:44 > 1:25:49It...it could be One-Eyed Peas or 38 Cents.
1:25:49 > 1:25:52I'm down with it anyway, bitch.
1:25:52 > 1:25:55(MUSIC CONTINUES)