0:00:02 > 0:00:04- SOLDIER:- By the left, quick march!
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Left, right, left, right...
0:00:07 > 0:00:10LAIDBACK SWING MUSIC
0:00:18 > 0:00:20..left, right, left, right...
0:00:43 > 0:00:46PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD
0:00:52 > 0:00:55..left, right, left, right, left, right...
0:00:55 > 0:00:59left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29NEWSREEL VOICEOVER: 'Meanwhile, on the home front,
0:01:29 > 0:01:30'the war has come to the kitchen.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31'Up and down the country,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34'housewives are showing the enemy what they're made of.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35'Well done, Mrs Jones.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38'Who would've guessed that a turnip could go so far?'
0:01:38 > 0:01:40HEROIC MUSIC
0:01:40 > 0:01:43'The German pocket battleships Scharnhorst and Gneisenau
0:01:43 > 0:01:45'are still hiding in the port of Brest,'
0:01:45 > 0:01:47'dodging the Allied bombing raids.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50'The Atlantic won't be safe
0:01:50 > 0:01:53'until they're once and for all beneath the waves.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02'As the Prime Minister is piped aboard one of our finest naval destroyers,
0:02:02 > 0:02:04'Winston Churchill is proud to thank
0:02:04 > 0:02:06'the boys who have been keeping our convoys safe.'
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- Excuse me. - 'Thank you, able seamen.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11'Keep up the good work and keep Britannia ruling...'
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Excuse me.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18'Lord Louis Mountbatten salutes his heroes home.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21'Following the extraordinary bravery shown by his newly formed commandos,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23'Lord Louis is pleased to shake the hand
0:02:23 > 0:02:25'of the men who have shaken Jerry's rigging.'
0:02:25 > 0:02:27GUNFIRE ON NEWSREEL SOUNDTRACK
0:02:27 > 0:02:29'Their valiant raid on the western isles of Norway
0:02:29 > 0:02:31'have been a triumph of military strategy.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40'One grenade in the right place and bang goes another Jerry HQ.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45'So watch out, Adolf. Who knows where our boys will strike next?'
0:02:47 > 0:02:50By the right, quick march!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Left, right, left, right, left, right,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56left, right, left, right...
0:02:56 > 0:02:58MAN: 'Fighting a war means doing one's job.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00'And in the field of battle, gentlemen,
0:03:00 > 0:03:03'every second counts.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06'One mistake, one small miscalculation,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09'and the results can be catastrophic.'
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Let me tell you a story.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17I was sitting in a shell hole, surrounded by the enemy,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20with not much left of the chap to the right of me.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Chap to the left was no better off.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27Sitting beside me was a young soldier in screaming agony.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Never seen anything like it.
0:03:29 > 0:03:34Rocking like a child, clutching his head and calling for his mother.
0:03:35 > 0:03:41Believe me, gentlemen, toothache in the field is no joke.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Know what I did?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I made a stopper out of some brackish mud,
0:03:46 > 0:03:50a shell case from my .38 and a clove of garlic.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Chap was back on his feet and back in action in under two minutes.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56And the enemy ran like buggery when they smelled him coming.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58But I'm serious, gentlemen. What we do here is front-line stuff.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00PLANES DRONE OVERHEAD
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Alright, alright, we've all seen the RAF before.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03We all know what they do.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06While they do their bit, we'll do ours
0:04:06 > 0:04:08with an impression tray, a clear head
0:04:08 > 0:04:10and poli-pliers - the only weapons you need.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14So, let's get started, shall we?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Three reasons why we use potassium sulphate...
0:04:16 > 0:04:20PLANES CONTINUE DRONING OVERHEAD
0:04:20 > 0:04:23SERGEANT YELLS
0:04:24 > 0:04:26What are you looking at? You haven't seen a Lancaster before?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- Pay attention to me. - PLANES CONTINUE DRONING
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Move!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Wouldn't you say, Cuthbertson?
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Sir?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Your war effort is here in this room, Private.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44So let's not waste any time, all right?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48An army marches on its stomach, Cuthbertson.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52And an army that can't bite is an army that can't fight.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54What's an army that can't bite?!
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- ALL:- An army that can't fight, sir. - Very good.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Well, upward and onward.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02The use of china clay in the shade matching of dentures.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05JOLLY 1940S MUSIC
0:05:07 > 0:05:10# If you want to feel lucky
0:05:10 > 0:05:13# Like a baby with a silver spoon
0:05:13 > 0:05:15# Just turn your money in your pocket
0:05:15 > 0:05:19# Whenever you see a new moon
0:05:19 > 0:05:21# If you want to be happy
0:05:21 > 0:05:24# Like a baby with a toy balloon
0:05:24 > 0:05:27# Just turn your money in your pocket
0:05:27 > 0:05:29# Whenever you see a new moon
0:05:29 > 0:05:33# Oh, yeah Whenever you see a new moon. #
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- SOLDIER 1:- Want a cup of tea?
0:06:00 > 0:06:01- SOLDIER 2: Yeah. - Give us a hand.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07'Ere, is this your mug?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Look at the state of that. That's mould that is, mould!
0:06:10 > 0:06:11You could grow mushrooms in that.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Ah, just get on with it.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29"Captain Cuthbertson to the rescue."
0:06:29 > 0:06:31MIMICS GRENADE TOSS AND EXPLOSION
0:06:31 > 0:06:34"Ah, you saved us!"
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Cuthbertson!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39What the bloody hell are you doing in here?!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- Nothing, Sergeant. - Don't lie to me, soldier!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Stand to attention. What is that?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- It's a hand grenade, Sergeant. - I know what it is.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51What I don't know is what it's doing in your hand!
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Well, uh...
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Give it to me. I said give it to me, Private.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- I'll put...put it back. - GRENADE PIN RELEASES
0:07:03 > 0:07:05W-What do we do now?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- Will it go off? - Uh, no.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12No. Not while I'm holding the clip.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14I'll go and get some help, Sergeant.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16No, don't! Wait!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Put the pin back in.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21- I can't. - Why not?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23'Cause it's bent.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- It's meant to be bent. - No, I-I know that.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28But this one's bent...bent.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- SOLDIER 1:- Bloody cold in here!
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Did you leave the door open?
0:07:33 > 0:07:34I've got an idea.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40You better not break it.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43WHIMPERS What?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I think I broke it.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47No. No, it's all right.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49< You twit! Anybody could walk in!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51(Come on, Cuthbertson. We've got company.)
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Do you think it'll hold now I've bashed it?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32SIREN WAILS
0:08:35 > 0:08:38BELL RINGS
0:08:38 > 0:08:40- Follow me. - Get on down here!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42- Where did that come from? - Bloody nowhere, sir.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- The whole building's gone. - Anyone hurt?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- Don't know, sir. - Move yourselves!
0:08:46 > 0:08:48What was it?!
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Pull your feet up!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- What do you reckon, then? - Looks like a thousand-pounder.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02No, this is a fly in the bath compared to a thousand-pounder.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06That was a 550-pound bomb dropped from the port rack of a Junkers 88.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08How do you know that, Regimental Sergeant Major?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Because I saw it.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Now, don't just stand there gawping!
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Start getting this lot cleared up now!
0:09:15 > 0:09:17All accounted for, Regimental Sergeant Major, sir.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Casualties?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21A few cuts from glass, nothing serious.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Colonel's wife swallowed a prune stone.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Sir!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- Everybody alright? - All present and correct, sir.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Colonel's wife apparently swallowed a prune stone, sir.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Bit of a mess, isn't it?
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Attention!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Stand easy.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38Hmm, bit of a mess, all this.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Any idea what it was?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Hut 29, sir.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- What dropped it? - Oh, Junkers 88, sir.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Must've had one left over, sir.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50So you don't think they were actually aiming at us?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55No, no, right. Point taken.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58That was a bloody hand grenade, Cuthbertson!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01You could've blown the whole bloody place to kingdom come!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Saved Adolf the bother of dropping that bomb!
0:10:03 > 0:10:07- Yes, Sergeant! - You'd have seen yourself on the Pathe bloody news then, wouldn't you?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08- Wouldn't you, Private?! - Y-Yes, Sergeant.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Yes, Sergeant!
0:10:20 > 0:10:24Our services are not required except for...
0:10:24 > 0:10:28and exclusively for the pulling of teeth.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Is that clear?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35I just wanna fight for my country, Sergeant.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Your country does not need you.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40But you've seen action. You know what it's like.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43All I want is a posting, Sergeant.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46All the army wants is for you to do as you're told.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49I joined up to fight.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53You joined up to follow orders like the rest of us.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54That's what we do, Private.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57It's known as doing our bit.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00But I don't wanna spend the rest of my war
0:11:00 > 0:11:03sat on my bum, making dentures.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Get out.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12LOW-LEVEL CONVERSATION, GENTLE SWING MUSIC PLAYS
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- Congratulations. - Cheers.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22SOLIDER LAUGHS
0:11:35 > 0:11:37King! Heard the news?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Mowat's got the posting.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43HE CHUCKLES
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Congratulations.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Thank you, Sergeant.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49I'll have a whisky.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Whisky.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Sorry, Sergeant. Mess Rules. You're out of credit.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Then make it a double.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09So they chose Mowat.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15It was your...age apparently, not your experience.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19On me, sir.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Where are they sending him?
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Egypt, I believe.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28It's all very hush-hush, of course,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30like everything else round here that's common knowledge.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31HE CHUCKLES
0:12:31 > 0:12:34My money was on you.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37HE CHUCKLES
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Looks like you're here for the duration.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- Good luck. - Cheers, mate.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Uh, why don't you stay and join us?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Cheers(!)
0:13:03 > 0:13:08SONG ON GRAMOPHONE: # Maybe
0:13:08 > 0:13:13# You'll think of me
0:13:13 > 0:13:15# When you are
0:13:15 > 0:13:21# All alone... #
0:13:23 > 0:13:25FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:13:30 > 0:13:32W-W-What time is it?
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Main gate. Five minutes. Full battle dress.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47UPBEAT 1940S MUSIC
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Move!
0:13:54 > 0:13:56# We're going to hang out the washing on the Siegfried line
0:13:56 > 0:14:00# Have you any dirty washing, Mother dear...? #
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Here comes the Kaiser.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05# We're going to hang out the washing on the Siegfried line... #
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Poor little bugger.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10# 'Cause the washing day is here
0:14:10 > 0:14:14# Whether the weather may be wet or fine
0:14:14 > 0:14:18# We'll just rub along without a care
0:14:18 > 0:14:21# We're going to hang out the washing on the... #
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Where are we going, Sergeant? Gunning and back?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- The station. - The station? Why?
0:14:27 > 0:14:32# Whether the weather may be wet or fine
0:14:32 > 0:14:36# We'll just rub along without a care
0:14:36 > 0:14:41# We're going to hang out the washing on the Siegfried line
0:14:41 > 0:14:44# If that Siegfried line's still there. #
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Halt.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48BOTH PANT
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Bring your knee up to your chest.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57You got your pay book?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- Yeah, why? - Give it to me.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00HE GRUNTS
0:15:06 > 0:15:08What are you doing?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Posting it.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12- Who to? - Prime Minister.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Come on.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Miss our train.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24STEAM HISSES
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Where are we going, Sergeant?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33If the mountain won't come to Mohammed,
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Mohammed must go to the mountain.
0:15:35 > 0:15:36What mountain?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Cornwall, then France.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44But I got dental anatomy in an hour.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Fair enough.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Just tell the CO that your pay book is with Winston Churchill,
0:15:49 > 0:15:53together with a letter explaining you're on your way to invade France.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Invade France?!
0:15:57 > 0:15:58- MAN:- All aboard!
0:16:01 > 0:16:05By the bye, Private, just in case you're wondering,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08you are absent without leave as from now.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12WHISTLE BLOWS
0:16:12 > 0:16:14TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS
0:16:32 > 0:16:34TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS
0:16:56 > 0:16:59HE PANTS
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I hate dental anatomy.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15"Dear Prime Minister, By the time you receive this letter
0:17:15 > 0:17:17"we shall, God willing, have landed safely
0:17:17 > 0:17:19"on the coast of occupied France.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23"From behind enemy lines we will carry out a land-based assault
0:17:23 > 0:17:24"on the port of Brest.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26"Our objective is to destroy
0:17:26 > 0:17:30"the pocket battleships Scharnhorst and Gneisenau.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33"We are trained soldiers, proud to be in the service of His Majesty
0:17:33 > 0:17:35"and willing, if necessary,
0:17:35 > 0:17:37"to lay down our lives for our country.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41"As proof of identity and evidence of good faith,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43"we enclose our army pay books
0:17:43 > 0:17:47"and conclude with the Army Dental Corps' regimental motto,
0:17:47 > 0:17:50"Ex Dentibus Ensis - from the teeth comes strength.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53"We are, sir, your obedient servants,
0:17:53 > 0:17:57"Sergeant Peter King and Private Leslie Cuthbertson."
0:18:01 > 0:18:06Just one grenade in the right place is all it takes.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- What's the right place? - Right in the belly of the ship.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Liners, destroyers - they're all the same.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Oil-driven steam turbine.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16One explosion - bang! - the whole bloody lot goes up.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Just going for a jimmy riddle.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35This is the Queen Mary, Sergeant.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- SOLDIER:- Pass and travel warrant, please, Private.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Oh, uh...
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- Got a problem, have we, Private? - No...Corporal.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Is this what you're after, Corporal?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Private Cuthbertson.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Sergeant King.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- Where are you off to then, gents? - Plymouth.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Weekend leave, is it?
0:19:14 > 0:19:15- Yes. - Yes.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Sergeant and private travelling together.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19It's a bit unusual, isn't it?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Is it, Corporal?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24H-He's my uncle.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Yeah, uh...we're, uh... we're staying with my aunt.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30His wife.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33L-L-Linda.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Linda.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Have a nice trip.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47From now on, you leave the talking to me, all right?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- But he believed it. - That's not the point.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Would either of you gentlemen be interested
0:19:54 > 0:19:55in a pair of silk stockings?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01That'll be 1s 4d.
0:20:04 > 0:20:05Thank you.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I've thrown one in for good measure.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- Thanks very much. - That's all right.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Goodbye.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12What are those?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Supplies.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Don't know when we're gonna eat next, do we?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Ain't this abroad.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18- Do you want one now? - No.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20And stop waving those stockings about.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23How long do you reckon we're gonna be?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Once we get a boat, four days.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28What if the letter doesn't get to Mr Churchill?
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I mean, I sent a birthday card to my sister in Durham,
0:20:31 > 0:20:32it took six weeks.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I'll tell you something, though.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35She ain't half a fibber.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09They're not the only German battleships.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11No. We'll find other ones.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14St Nazaire.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21- What? - South of Brest.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Full of U-boats.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25U-boats? Yeah, even better.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Sure you don't want one of these?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29No.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34Look, we don't want to do anything to draw attention to ourselves.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Right, sorry.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38So put those in the bag.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44I can't. They're full of... (something else.)
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Give them here, then.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50# When the twilight is gone
0:21:50 > 0:21:54# And no songbird is singing
0:21:54 > 0:21:58# When the twilight is gone
0:21:58 > 0:22:02# You come into my heart
0:22:03 > 0:22:08# And here in my heart you will stay
0:22:08 > 0:22:12# While I pray... #
0:22:12 > 0:22:15SOLIDER YELLS ORDERS
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Left, right, left, right...
0:22:18 > 0:22:20COLONEL: Well, has anyone got any ideas?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Because I'm running out of patience here!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I will not have deserters in my regiment.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26We don't actually know they are deserters...
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Don't interrupt me, Major! I want these men found and punished.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33I absolutely will not have this kind of behaviour in a time of war.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I want you to find them and throw the book at them!
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Do I make myself clear?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- Yes, sir. - Sir!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45# My prayer
0:22:45 > 0:22:49# Is to linger with you
0:22:49 > 0:22:52# At the end of the day... #
0:22:52 > 0:22:53What if we're caught?
0:22:53 > 0:22:57We're in uniform. We'll be prisoners of war.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Not by the Germans, by the English.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01They'll already be looking for us, won't they?
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- WOMAN:- Can I help?
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Uh...we're fine, thanks. We're just looking for the harbour.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Follow me, I'll show you.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17That's a bit of luck.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Do you want a hand?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Thanks.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Not much here.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34What with rationing, I'm lucky to get anything at all.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39# May they still be the same
0:23:39 > 0:23:43# For as long as we live
0:23:43 > 0:23:47# That you'll always be there at the end... #
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- On holiday, are you? - Uh, sort of.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54- Where are you from? - Uh...
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I'm afraid I'm not allowed to say.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I meant, where do you live?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Oh, uh, London.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Must be horrible with all those bombs.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Yeah.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12You're better off staying down here.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Two of our boys were killed by mines last week.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Oh.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Your friend doesn't look very happy.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- No, well, uh...he's a sergeant. - So?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29They have their sense of humour removed at birth.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
0:24:31 > 0:24:32SHE GIGGLES
0:24:32 > 0:24:36BOTH LAUGH
0:24:36 > 0:24:37So, where are you staying?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Oh, I don't know. We haven't decided yet.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43The pub's got rooms. You should stay there.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Oh, right.
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Thanks very much.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Oh, that's all right.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56'Bye.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58'Bye.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Uh, which boat, then, Sergeant?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- We need to get closer. - Yeah. Yeah.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Any of those will do.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32We'll wait till it's dark, then requisition one.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35I've spoken to Mum! She says it's fine!
0:25:35 > 0:25:36To anyone else, we're booked up,
0:25:36 > 0:25:39but I'm not having our brave boys going short.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42I've got a very nice double with a sea view.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44If you'd like to step inside.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- It's very kind of you, madam. - Don't you mention it, Colonel.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Shall I take this in for you?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51What have you got in here, then? The family silver?
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Now...hot water's on between 6:00 and 7:00.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59When you're finished, let me know, and I'll use it for the turnips.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01# The sun shines bright and the world's all right
0:26:01 > 0:26:05# It's a happy, happy, happy day. #
0:26:07 > 0:26:08It's not a problem.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10No.
0:26:12 > 0:26:13It's almost dark.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Give it 10 more minutes.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17KNOCK AT DOOR
0:26:29 > 0:26:31I brought you some towels.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35When you're ready, Mum says she's kept back a couple of nice pilchards.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- All right? - Yes. Thanks a lot.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Thanks.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Towels!
0:27:22 > 0:27:25DOGS BARK IN THE DISTANCE
0:27:29 > 0:27:31By the jetty with the what's-his-name sticking up.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33The mast. Got it.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57(I'll check the fuel.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59(Look for the crank handle.)
0:28:03 > 0:28:06(I got it!)
0:28:06 > 0:28:07(Tank seems full to me.)
0:28:13 > 0:28:16ENGINE SPUTTERS AND FIRES
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Are we completely cast off, Cuthbertson?
0:28:22 > 0:28:24We are, Sergeant.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35MOTOR CHUGS AND GRINDS
0:28:38 > 0:28:40MOTOR GRINDS AND FADES
0:28:40 > 0:28:43Is there a brake or something?
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Oh, the tide's going out.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51You'll have to get off and shove.
0:29:04 > 0:29:08MOTOR CHUGS MORE POWERFULLY
0:29:12 > 0:29:14MOTOR DIES DOWN
0:29:14 > 0:29:17I'm afraid you're going to have to get in too, Sergeant!
0:29:19 > 0:29:22SNIFFS: When was he last seen?
0:29:22 > 0:29:230500 hours, sir,
0:29:23 > 0:29:25leaving the barracks with Private Cuthbertson, sir,
0:29:25 > 0:29:27heading in the direction of the railway station.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31Stationmaster thinks they might have taken the train to Plymouth, sir.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Hmm. Plymouth.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37Tell me, Regimental Sergeant Major, what kind of spirits was he in?
0:29:37 > 0:29:39Fine and dandy, sir. First-class soldier, sir.
0:29:39 > 0:29:40Yes, yes, yes, quite.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42- And off the record? - Barking mad, sir.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49It's not a problem.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51No.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54We'll wait until the tide's back in and then we'll give it another go.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02SCRAPES GENTLY
0:30:05 > 0:30:08It's a good thing we got the room, Sergeant.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19KNOCK AT DOOR
0:30:30 > 0:30:33Mum says, "How do you like your pilchards?"
0:30:36 > 0:30:37HE SIGHS
0:30:37 > 0:30:40RADIO: 'We've been getting a lot of letters from listeners
0:30:40 > 0:30:41'who advise cooking with steamers and...'
0:30:41 > 0:30:43- MAN:- Two pints of stout, Brenda!
0:30:43 > 0:30:45Be with you in a minute, Ross.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49More potatoes, Private?
0:30:51 > 0:30:53I'm...fine, thanks, Mrs Fraser.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Are you sure the Colonel doesn't want something on a tray?
0:30:56 > 0:30:57He, uh...he says he's not hungry.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18OCEAN ROARS
0:31:33 > 0:31:35Better?
0:31:35 > 0:31:37Much.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41You smell like a damp dog.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44I'm sorry about that. I fell in the harbour.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46That's all right. I like dogs.
0:31:47 > 0:31:50What were you doing in the harbour?
0:31:50 > 0:31:53Oh, I'm afraid I'm not allowed to tell you that.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57You could be anyone. You could be a spy.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01That's right. I could.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05And...walls have ears, don't they?
0:32:07 > 0:32:08That's right, they do.
0:32:12 > 0:32:16Is it very...dangerous, what you do?
0:32:16 > 0:32:19Oh, yes. Very.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21And are you going somewhere dangerous now?
0:32:21 > 0:32:22Oh, uh...yeah.
0:32:22 > 0:32:24(Yeah.)
0:32:24 > 0:32:27You will be careful, won't you, Leslie?
0:32:27 > 0:32:29Of course I will...Emma.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31I'll be fine.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34- RADIO REPORT:- 'British commandoes have done substantial damage
0:32:34 > 0:32:37'to the submarine pens and dry docks.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41'It will be months before St Nazaire is operational again.'
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Did he say St Nazaire?
0:32:43 > 0:32:46BRASS BAND PLAYS ON RADIO
0:32:46 > 0:32:48- I don't care. I'm not interested. - It's not my fault.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50It'll be high tide soon.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53Get out of here, get a boat and go.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56- Well, where to now, Sergeant? - France.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59We'll sleep during the day, travel by night.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02The whole place will be crawling with men and machinery. Move!
0:33:02 > 0:33:04There's a war on. Or had you forgotten?
0:33:04 > 0:33:08- MUMBLES:- Right. "Travel by night.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10"Crawling with men and machinery"?
0:33:18 > 0:33:22- CRANK HANDLE WHIRRS - Leslie! What are you doing?
0:33:22 > 0:33:24Oh, for Christ's sake. Get her sorted out!
0:33:32 > 0:33:34What are you doing? You can't do that!
0:33:34 > 0:33:37E-Emma, we're on a secret and very dangerous mission.
0:33:37 > 0:33:38You can't tell anyone we're here, all right?
0:33:38 > 0:33:40I'll have to tell Aaron. It's his boat!
0:33:40 > 0:33:42No, you don't. We told him already.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44Cuthbertson!
0:33:45 > 0:33:48I've got to go. I'm sorry.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Sorry.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01MOTOR CHUGS
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Take care of yourself, Leslie.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17BAG CRUNCHES AND RUSTLES
0:35:31 > 0:35:34- Morning, ladies. - ALL:- Morning, Arthur.
0:35:34 > 0:35:36- How's the allotment? - Oh, potatoes are coming on well.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39Might have a cabbage by Christmas.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42And how are the lovely Garden Room girls this morning?
0:35:42 > 0:35:44- ALL:- Good morning, Major.
0:35:44 > 0:35:46- Morning, Arthur. - Morning, sir.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50And what has our Prime Minister received today
0:35:50 > 0:35:51from the great unwashed?
0:35:51 > 0:35:54Nothing for the PM's eyes yet, Major Merton.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57Oh, anything good in the potty pile, Daphne?
0:35:57 > 0:35:59Eight death threats,
0:35:59 > 0:36:01three requests to open air-raid shelters,
0:36:01 > 0:36:037s 6d in postal orders,
0:36:03 > 0:36:05and...
0:36:05 > 0:36:07..a cigar.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09- Ah! - Probably poisoned.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12God bless the lunatics.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15Do you know, without them, this war could be really...quite serious.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24MOTOR CHUGS, GULLS CRY
0:36:24 > 0:36:27- Were you ever married, Sergeant? - Why would I want to do that for?
0:36:29 > 0:36:30Did you ever ask anyone?
0:36:30 > 0:36:33Why do you want to know?
0:36:33 > 0:36:34I'm only interested.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36Sorry.
0:36:40 > 0:36:41Gladys.
0:36:42 > 0:36:46Nurse. Gladys Potter.
0:36:46 > 0:36:47Stitched up my leg.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50Field hospital, Passchendaele.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Tucked me in of a night,
0:36:52 > 0:36:54plumped up my pillow.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56- I asked her. - Really?
0:36:56 > 0:36:57Really.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01Do you... Do you want a bun?
0:37:01 > 0:37:04- They're a bit stale. - No, thank you.
0:37:11 > 0:37:14So what'd she say, then, this Gladys?
0:37:14 > 0:37:17She said that she'd spent too much of her life trying to mend people
0:37:17 > 0:37:20to spend the rest of it with someone who smashed them up for a living.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22That wasn't very nice of her.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25Ach! Did me a favour.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33TELEPHONE RINGS
0:37:35 > 0:37:38TELEPHONES RING
0:37:42 > 0:37:43Morning, Faith.
0:37:44 > 0:37:45Is he in?
0:37:47 > 0:37:50- He hasn't left, Major. - Well, it's chucking it down outside.
0:37:51 > 0:37:53- WISTFULLY:- Outside.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56Remind me again - where is that exactly?
0:37:56 > 0:37:59What's this doing here? This ought to be upstairs.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03Give it to me. He's been on one of his wanderings again.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06- CHURCHILL:- And don't come back until you have something.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16It's not been a good morning.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18Rommel advancing, Tobruk falling,
0:38:18 > 0:38:19Roosevelt telling him how to run the war,
0:38:19 > 0:38:21and it's not even 10 o'clock.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23Merton, get in here!
0:38:26 > 0:38:28Faith, you look terrible. Get some sleep.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52- I can't see a sodding thing. - Shh!
0:38:52 > 0:38:53(Keep looking.)
0:38:53 > 0:38:56MAST CREAKS
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Do they always shoot deserters?
0:39:02 > 0:39:04We're NOT deserters!
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Well, WE know that, but do they, Sergeant?
0:39:09 > 0:39:12- Do you think he's got it yet? - Has who got what?
0:39:12 > 0:39:16- The Prime Minister, got the letter. - Course he has.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22TELEPHONE RINGS
0:39:49 > 0:39:52MOTOR FADES AND DIES
0:39:54 > 0:39:55Oh! Oh!
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Sarge! I...I w-wasn't asleep.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00Shh. Listen.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02WAVES LAP GENTLY
0:40:02 > 0:40:05FAINT RUMBLING APPROACHES AND INTENSIFIES
0:40:09 > 0:40:11What's that?
0:40:15 > 0:40:16What's that?
0:40:16 > 0:40:19RUMBLING AND METALLIC CLANKING
0:40:24 > 0:40:25Arggh!
0:40:28 > 0:40:29Ooh.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58I'm so bored of powdered egg. Aren't you?
0:40:58 > 0:41:00Gives me the most frightful dreams.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02Yes, but we all have to do our bit.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Any word from Ken?
0:41:06 > 0:41:09Still on convoys...as far as I know.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11Well, you know what they say -
0:41:11 > 0:41:13no news is good news.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20These are soldier's pay books, aren't they?
0:41:42 > 0:41:44How much further, do you think?
0:41:44 > 0:41:47- Two or three hours. Got to be. - HE SIGHS
0:42:01 > 0:42:03Take the controls!
0:42:05 > 0:42:07Keep your head down.
0:42:10 > 0:42:13GULLS CRY
0:42:36 > 0:42:38BIRD TWITTERS
0:42:58 > 0:43:00HE PANTS
0:43:00 > 0:43:03We need to find a land marking.
0:43:05 > 0:43:07WOMAN'S VOICE RAMBLES
0:43:09 > 0:43:11- WOMAN:- Then you turn it onto a flat plate...
0:43:11 > 0:43:13What the hell's that?
0:43:13 > 0:43:15When it's cold, cut it into...
0:43:15 > 0:43:17Oh, it's...it's just some women.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21Going on about some recipe.
0:43:21 > 0:43:23What did you say?
0:43:23 > 0:43:25Down there somewheres.
0:43:25 > 0:43:27Just some women going on about a recipe or something.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30- WOMAN 2:- Oh, that sounded very tasty.
0:43:30 > 0:43:33From my grandma. Have you met her?
0:43:33 > 0:43:35- What? - Speak French, do you?
0:43:36 > 0:43:39No, they're speaking English.
0:43:39 > 0:43:42SHEEP BLEAT
0:43:42 > 0:43:44HE INHALES SHARPLY HE SIGHS
0:43:44 > 0:43:47- Bugger! - Welcome home, Private.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49GULLS CRY
0:43:49 > 0:43:51How could that happen?
0:43:51 > 0:43:53We... We'd have known, wouldn't we?
0:43:53 > 0:43:55We'd have known if we were going round in circles.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58At least Mohammed found the right sodding mountain.
0:43:58 > 0:44:00HE SIGHS
0:44:02 > 0:44:04Well, at least we tried, Sergeant.
0:44:04 > 0:44:06Lot of people would've packed it in in Cornwall.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09This is Cornwall! This is bleeding Cornwall!
0:44:09 > 0:44:11WOMEN'S VOICES CONTINUE
0:44:11 > 0:44:14We'll be the laughing stock of the regiment.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16Well, we can explain, can't we?
0:44:16 > 0:44:17HE GUFFAWS
0:44:17 > 0:44:19We can explain alright. We'll have to!
0:44:19 > 0:44:21Bloody court martial!
0:44:23 > 0:44:26I don't mind dying, Cuthbertson.
0:44:26 > 0:44:29But I won't be...humiliated!
0:44:31 > 0:44:33What a complete bloody fiasco!
0:44:33 > 0:44:35W-W-We still got the boat.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Well, I don't mind giving it another go.
0:44:38 > 0:44:40Do you want to give it another go?
0:44:40 > 0:44:43PLANE DRONES OVERHEAD
0:44:51 > 0:44:53- WOMAN ON RADIO: - 'And then stir in half a leek,
0:44:53 > 0:44:57'one teaspoon of mixed herbs and one teaspoonful of salt.
0:44:57 > 0:44:59'You got that?'
0:44:59 > 0:45:02WOMAN 2: 'Half a leek, one teaspoon of mixed herbs
0:45:02 > 0:45:04'and a teaspoonful of salt.'
0:45:04 > 0:45:06'Yes, and then stir two ounces...'
0:45:06 > 0:45:08Psst!
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Psst!
0:45:13 > 0:45:15Arggh!
0:45:15 > 0:45:17Sergeant!
0:45:17 > 0:45:19WOMEN'S VOICES CONTINUE
0:45:21 > 0:45:23Was that you, Sergeant?
0:45:30 > 0:45:31What are you doing?
0:45:32 > 0:45:35- What are you...? - PANTS: A German.
0:45:35 > 0:45:36There's a German.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38# Run, rabbit, run, rabbit
0:45:38 > 0:45:41# Run, run, run
0:45:41 > 0:45:44# Run, rabbit, run, rabbit Run, run... #
0:45:44 > 0:45:45Shouldn't we go back and kill him?
0:45:45 > 0:45:47- What for, eh? - Well, he's a German!
0:45:47 > 0:45:50I haven't come all this way to shoot a kraut that likes cooking.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54He's probably gone by now, anyway.
0:45:54 > 0:45:58- PANTS:- At least we're here.
0:45:58 > 0:45:59That's the main thing.
0:45:59 > 0:46:01# Run, run, run
0:46:01 > 0:46:03# Don't give the farmer... #
0:46:03 > 0:46:06Open wide, Adolf. The dentists are coming!
0:46:06 > 0:46:08Cuthbertson!
0:46:09 > 0:46:11Sorry, Sergeant.
0:46:11 > 0:46:15# So run, rabbit, run, run, run. #
0:46:16 > 0:46:17PHEASANTS CRY
0:46:17 > 0:46:21- CUTHBERTSON:- Well, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.
0:46:23 > 0:46:26Well, if you must know, it's cold, wet,
0:46:26 > 0:46:29with more rats than you can shake a stick at.
0:46:30 > 0:46:31Blimey.
0:46:31 > 0:46:3428 days, you're bored out of your senses,
0:46:34 > 0:46:37then, on the 29th, boof!
0:46:37 > 0:46:39Sky lit up.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42You got your head down, ran like the clappers and...
0:46:42 > 0:46:44hoped some other poor bastard got it, not you.
0:46:46 > 0:46:47Now go to sleep.
0:46:49 > 0:46:52But didn't you save the life of a general or something?
0:46:52 > 0:46:54Oh, yes.
0:46:55 > 0:46:58General Sir William Hyde.
0:46:58 > 0:46:59I was his driver.
0:46:59 > 0:47:02- What happened? - Nothing.
0:47:02 > 0:47:03Go to sleep.
0:47:08 > 0:47:10My dad was in the trenches.
0:47:12 > 0:47:14At Amiens.
0:47:15 > 0:47:19He was one of the lucky ones. He...came home in one piece.
0:47:24 > 0:47:27DRUMS WITH HANDS
0:47:28 > 0:47:30What are you doing?
0:47:31 > 0:47:34Tapping. Sorry.
0:47:34 > 0:47:36- It's a habit when I'm nervous. - Well, stop it.
0:47:43 > 0:47:45Did he...
0:47:47 > 0:47:48..say much...
0:47:48 > 0:47:51your dad, about the trenches?
0:47:52 > 0:47:53- My dad? - Yeah.
0:47:56 > 0:47:58I thought you wanted to go to sleep.
0:47:58 > 0:48:00I do.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03But I'd rather you talked than tapped.
0:48:07 > 0:48:09Not much.
0:48:09 > 0:48:11He was killed by a tram when I was three.
0:48:12 > 0:48:14So I never really knew him.
0:48:15 > 0:48:17He was just a face at my bedroom door.
0:48:23 > 0:48:26My mum always showed me pictures.
0:48:26 > 0:48:28And I think about him sometimes.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34He tells me off in my head.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37Not always, though.
0:48:38 > 0:48:41Sometimes I make him laugh.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43HE LAUGHS QUIETLY
0:48:45 > 0:48:47Can I ask you something?
0:48:47 > 0:48:48What now?
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Why did you choose me?
0:48:56 > 0:49:01Who else would be daft enough to carry the ruddy grenades?
0:49:06 > 0:49:07HE LAUGHS SOFTLY
0:49:13 > 0:49:14He'd like this.
0:49:16 > 0:49:18It'd make him smile.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40- Can you reach it? - I would if you stood still!
0:49:41 > 0:49:42Here...
0:49:45 > 0:49:48Here...you do it.
0:49:48 > 0:49:50- It's your idea. - Really?
0:49:50 > 0:49:52Thanks.
0:50:02 > 0:50:05- How many shall I cut? - Cut them all.
0:50:05 > 0:50:07For gawd's sake, keep your voice down.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15It's a lot harder than you think.
0:50:16 > 0:50:19- PING! - Hoo! Did you see that?
0:50:19 > 0:50:22Could have your eye out with one of those.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24I got a good idea.
0:50:24 > 0:50:26We make a list of all the things we do
0:50:26 > 0:50:29and then we can hand it in at the end as proof.
0:50:30 > 0:50:31WIRE ZINGS
0:50:31 > 0:50:34We could even tot up the damage.
0:50:34 > 0:50:36How much do you reckon these lines are worth?
0:50:36 > 0:50:38Five quid each?
0:50:38 > 0:50:40Well, that's...
0:50:40 > 0:50:43Well, there's... That's 25 quid, the lot.
0:50:43 > 0:50:45Depends what's on the other end.
0:50:46 > 0:50:49That's a point. I hadn't thought of that.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51Just supposing that these go to, like, the hospital
0:50:51 > 0:50:54or...or the Resistance, even!
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Just suppose you get on with it.
0:50:56 > 0:50:57PING!
0:51:00 > 0:51:02Still...
0:51:02 > 0:51:0525 quid's 25 quid, isn't it?
0:51:10 > 0:51:12HE PANTS
0:51:12 > 0:51:16Well, it's not, actually. It's...only 20.
0:51:16 > 0:51:18What do you mean?
0:51:18 > 0:51:21- I left one. - What for?
0:51:21 > 0:51:26Well, in case of emergencies!
0:51:31 > 0:51:34- How much does cement cost? - What?
0:51:34 > 0:51:37Well, if we were gonna blow up a gun emplacement,
0:51:37 > 0:51:40I was trying to work out how much it's worth.
0:51:40 > 0:51:42- What for?- Well...
0:51:42 > 0:51:45We put the damages we do in the left-hand column
0:51:45 > 0:51:47and what we think it's worth in the right.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49So what are you, an accountant now?
0:51:49 > 0:51:52No. No, listen.
0:51:52 > 0:51:55I had a mate who bought a Riley Roadster before the war, right?
0:51:55 > 0:51:57Now, he was out there every Sunday polishing it
0:51:57 > 0:51:59but the birds kept crapping all over the bonnet.
0:51:59 > 0:52:02So what he did was, he bought a garage.
0:52:02 > 0:52:06Only problem is, he reckons the garage cost more than the car.
0:52:06 > 0:52:09Has this got a point, Private?
0:52:09 > 0:52:10Yeah, yeah, the point is
0:52:10 > 0:52:17I reckon that two garages costs the same as one gun emplacement.
0:52:18 > 0:52:20Sergeant...
0:52:20 > 0:52:22Or to put it another way,
0:52:22 > 0:52:25one gun emplacement costs the same as three Riley Roadsters.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29You've got an 'ead like a toy box, Cuthbertson.
0:52:33 > 0:52:35When are we gonna eat, Sergeant?
0:52:35 > 0:52:37- Hello? Hello? - PHONES RING
0:52:37 > 0:52:41Africa, Merton. That's where we stand or fall.
0:52:41 > 0:52:43I've got him, Prime Minister. He's on the line now.
0:52:43 > 0:52:44About time. Put him through.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47I want answers yesterday, Merton.
0:52:47 > 0:52:50Lose Africa and we lose the Med.
0:52:50 > 0:52:52Hello?
0:52:53 > 0:52:54No-one here, Faith.
0:52:54 > 0:52:56One moment, Prime Minister.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58We lose the Med, then Malta's down the drain.
0:52:58 > 0:53:00He's on line three, Prime Minister.
0:53:00 > 0:53:03Hello, Monty! How are you, old cocker?
0:53:03 > 0:53:05Jolly good.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07Now, tell me something, General,
0:53:07 > 0:53:11what do you knees look like in shorts?
0:53:16 > 0:53:19"Sleep during the day, travel by night," you said.
0:53:19 > 0:53:23That's alright. So far it hasn't been necessary.
0:53:24 > 0:53:27"Crawling with men and machinery," you said.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29Thanks, Private.
0:53:29 > 0:53:32All we need do is find a road or a signpost.
0:53:32 > 0:53:33To where?
0:53:33 > 0:53:35There's nothing to do.
0:53:37 > 0:53:39That's fine. It's not a problem.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42There'll be plenty to do when we get there.
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Get where?
0:53:44 > 0:53:46There's no-one around. The whole place is shut.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51Hello?
0:53:51 > 0:53:52Anyone?!
0:53:52 > 0:53:54We're here!
0:53:54 > 0:53:56- We've invaded! - Shut up!
0:53:59 > 0:54:01I'm starving.
0:54:01 > 0:54:02I'm Sergeant King. How do you do?
0:54:02 > 0:54:07Well, maybe we could get something to eat or something?
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Maybe we could steal a car, Sergeant.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11Oh, yes! Good idea.
0:54:11 > 0:54:15Which one of the many fine vehicles you see before you
0:54:15 > 0:54:16would you care to requisition(?)
0:54:22 > 0:54:26First rule of survival behind enemy lines, Private,
0:54:26 > 0:54:28live off the land.
0:54:39 > 0:54:41GUN CLICKS
0:54:44 > 0:54:46Oh, sorry! Er...
0:54:46 > 0:54:48Um, I'm English.
0:54:48 > 0:54:51Um, er, English?
0:55:12 > 0:55:14I'm really sorry. I'm just so hungry.
0:55:14 > 0:55:16I'll put it back.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18Look, see?
0:55:32 > 0:55:34SHE SPEAKS IN FRENCH
0:55:47 > 0:55:49Wrap it?
0:55:49 > 0:55:52Do you want me to wrap it?
0:56:05 > 0:56:07Can I go now?
0:56:15 > 0:56:17Thank you.
0:56:17 > 0:56:19Thanks very much.
0:56:46 > 0:56:47I was only getting some food.
0:56:47 > 0:56:50I don't know what the problem is.
0:56:50 > 0:56:53I did what you asked.
0:56:53 > 0:56:54You said, "Get some food," so I did.
0:56:54 > 0:56:57- Anyone could have been in that house. - But they weren't, were they?
0:56:57 > 0:56:59The whole bloody Third Reich could have been in that house.
0:56:59 > 0:57:02- We should be so lucky. - What?
0:57:02 > 0:57:04Nothing. Can we eat the pie now?
0:57:04 > 0:57:07Don't you get lippy with me. Don't you get lippy with me, son!
0:57:07 > 0:57:09I should knock the living daylights out of you.
0:57:09 > 0:57:11I said, "Can we eat the pie now?"
0:57:11 > 0:57:13You've jeopardised every step of this operation.
0:57:13 > 0:57:15You've been like a kid on a school outing
0:57:15 > 0:57:18buying buns, waving stockings about,
0:57:18 > 0:57:20cosying up to your little Cornish pastie.
0:57:20 > 0:57:22Now I'm a deserter.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25I've nearly been drowned.
0:57:25 > 0:57:27And I'm tired and I'm hungry.
0:57:27 > 0:57:31And whether you like it or not, I'm gonna eat this pie.
0:57:36 > 0:57:38I can't believe you done that.
0:57:43 > 0:57:46No, I take that back.
0:57:46 > 0:57:48I CAN believe it.
0:57:48 > 0:57:50Look at you.
0:57:52 > 0:57:54You know why everybody calls you the Kaiser?
0:57:55 > 0:57:58'Cause you're a jumped up, washed up,
0:57:58 > 0:57:59over-the-hill has-been.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01- Finished? - No!
0:58:02 > 0:58:05You know what? Back home...
0:58:05 > 0:58:08I thought you had guts and a head on your shoulders
0:58:08 > 0:58:09but you know what?
0:58:09 > 0:58:11The only thing you're good at is whingeing.
0:58:11 > 0:58:13It's a good thing your dad died when he did!
0:58:13 > 0:58:17ENGINES ROAR
0:59:04 > 0:59:06Can you...can you see anything?
0:59:06 > 0:59:08Nothing.
0:59:08 > 0:59:10A sign or something?
0:59:10 > 0:59:12No.
0:59:12 > 0:59:16We've got to find out where we are.
0:59:34 > 0:59:36I'll see what I can find.
0:59:41 > 0:59:47I...didn't mean what I said about your dad.
0:59:51 > 0:59:52I'll stand guard then.
0:59:55 > 0:59:57And, Sergeant,
0:59:57 > 1:00:00they don't all, er, call you the Kaiser.
1:00:00 > 1:00:02Yes, you stand guard.
1:00:04 > 1:00:05(OK, Sergeant.)
1:00:09 > 1:00:10(OK, Sergeant.)
1:00:50 > 1:00:52DOOR OPENS
1:00:54 > 1:00:56DOOR CLOSES
1:00:56 > 1:00:58FOOTSTEPS RETREAT
1:01:32 > 1:01:36BUZZING
1:02:06 > 1:02:07I'm sorry, Sergeant.
1:02:07 > 1:02:10I missed him. He just got past me.
1:02:10 > 1:02:14TRAIN CHUGS
1:02:19 > 1:02:20Train!
1:02:20 > 1:02:23WHISTLE BLOWS
1:02:23 > 1:02:26It's stopping. Let's wave the signal.
1:02:27 > 1:02:29Well, which one is it?
1:02:29 > 1:02:31BRAKES SCREECH
1:02:31 > 1:02:33Must be one of these.
1:02:47 > 1:02:49HE SHOUTS IN GERMAN
1:02:55 > 1:02:57HE CONTINUES SHOUTING
1:03:14 > 1:03:16WHISTLE BLOWS
1:03:24 > 1:03:25They're on their way up.
1:03:26 > 1:03:29No, wait. It's gotta be a lock.
1:03:30 > 1:03:33HE SHOUTS IN GERMAN
1:03:34 > 1:03:35Now try.
1:03:38 > 1:03:39HE GRUNTS
1:03:48 > 1:03:51SOLDIERS SHOUT
1:03:52 > 1:03:54Danke!
1:04:31 > 1:04:33Supplies.
1:04:33 > 1:04:38What should we do with him? He'll tell someone he's seen us.
1:04:45 > 1:04:47Drunk in charge of a signal box.
1:04:47 > 1:04:50No-one will believe a word he says.
1:04:53 > 1:04:57BUZZING CONTINUES
1:05:01 > 1:05:04SUSTAINED BUZZ
1:05:20 > 1:05:22Mind the string.
1:05:23 > 1:05:26How much do you reckon a railway line's worth?
1:05:26 > 1:05:28- About 70 quid? - More.
1:05:28 > 1:05:3080.
1:05:30 > 1:05:32Put that away.
1:05:35 > 1:05:38Ready?
1:05:42 > 1:05:44DISTANT EXPLOSION
1:05:44 > 1:05:45What was that?
1:05:46 > 1:05:48What was what?
1:05:48 > 1:05:50I think I heard something.
1:05:50 > 1:05:54SOLDIERS SHOUT IN GERMAN
1:05:56 > 1:05:59No. It's nothing.
1:06:09 > 1:06:11- Bloody hell! - Gordon Bennett!
1:06:16 > 1:06:17I think I've gone deaf.
1:06:17 > 1:06:19Have you gone deaf?
1:06:22 > 1:06:23Looks buckled to me.
1:06:23 > 1:06:26Does it look buckled to you?
1:06:26 > 1:06:28Yeah, definitely.
1:06:29 > 1:06:32Loose as old knickers, that is.
1:06:32 > 1:06:35I wouldn't fancy travelling on it.
1:06:35 > 1:06:37One grenade in the right place.
1:06:37 > 1:06:38Yeah.
1:06:38 > 1:06:41- Just like you said. - Come on.
1:06:52 > 1:06:57# Whether the weather may be wet or fine
1:06:57 > 1:07:01# We'll just rub along without a care
1:07:01 > 1:07:05# We're going to hang out the washing on the Siegfried line
1:07:05 > 1:07:10# If that Siegfried line's still there. #
1:07:11 > 1:07:13Let's find out where we are.
1:07:13 > 1:07:15You've got the matches.
1:07:20 > 1:07:22Ergh! Is that cheese off?
1:07:22 > 1:07:23Nah. It's French.
1:07:23 > 1:07:26- SNIFFS:- Do you want some?
1:07:26 > 1:07:30No, I want you to strike a match so that I can see what I'm doing.
1:07:36 > 1:07:37Closer. That's better.
1:07:39 > 1:07:41Now, then, there's the railway line.
1:07:41 > 1:07:44So we went... PLANE ENGINES DRONE
1:07:44 > 1:07:46Lancasters.
1:07:46 > 1:07:48I'll be buggered.
1:07:48 > 1:07:50Hold it still.
1:07:50 > 1:07:52Sitting down to bacon and eggs in half an hour.
1:07:52 > 1:07:54Hold it still. You and your belly!
1:07:54 > 1:07:56HE GASPS
1:07:58 > 1:08:01SIREN WAILS
1:08:10 > 1:08:12BOMBS EXPLODE IN DISTANCE
1:08:27 > 1:08:29Oh, you're still here.
1:08:29 > 1:08:31So are you.
1:08:33 > 1:08:34We're all still here.
1:08:34 > 1:08:36Faith, you look terrible.
1:08:36 > 1:08:38- Is HE still here? - No.
1:08:38 > 1:08:41He's at a meeting with the joint chiefs.
1:08:41 > 1:08:42A chance to make a break for it.
1:08:42 > 1:08:44Ah! Good luck.
1:08:44 > 1:08:45Thanks.
1:08:45 > 1:08:47A little more light reading for you, Major.
1:08:47 > 1:08:49Oh, sorry about the cigar ash.
1:08:49 > 1:08:51He was on one of his nocturnals again.
1:08:51 > 1:08:54Oh, and this belongs up here, I think.
1:08:54 > 1:08:56I don't know how we're supposed to run a war
1:08:56 > 1:08:59when the Prime Minister keeps interfering.
1:08:59 > 1:09:02- DOOR SLAMS CHURCHILL:- Nobody listens!
1:09:06 > 1:09:08- Faith! - DOOR SLAMS
1:09:08 > 1:09:11Oh, bad luck, Faith. 10ft short of the wire.
1:09:16 > 1:09:18DOGS BARK
1:09:18 > 1:09:20MEN CONVERSE IN GERMAN
1:09:20 > 1:09:21- CUTHBERTSON:- They look like teacups.
1:09:25 > 1:09:29- What do you think? - Ahh, too risky.
1:09:31 > 1:09:32What's that flyswat thing?
1:09:32 > 1:09:34Flyswat?
1:09:34 > 1:09:39Looks like an aerial or some sort of listening device.
1:09:39 > 1:09:42That must be worth a fortune.
1:09:42 > 1:09:44Come on. We wouldn't make it to the fence.
1:09:44 > 1:09:46Move.
1:09:46 > 1:09:48But it's just over there.
1:09:48 > 1:09:52You can see for yourself, it's crawling with bleedin' Germans.
1:09:52 > 1:09:55Well, course it's crawling with Germans.
1:09:55 > 1:09:56That's why we came.
1:09:59 > 1:10:00I don't believe this.
1:10:00 > 1:10:04You were gonna blow up the Scharnhorst with one grenade.
1:10:04 > 1:10:08Destroy St Nazaire single-handed.
1:10:08 > 1:10:11Now we find one piddly observation post
1:10:11 > 1:10:12and you say it's too risky.
1:10:12 > 1:10:14Keep your voice down! Move yourself.
1:10:14 > 1:10:16"One hand grenade," you said.
1:10:43 > 1:10:46Once it's dark and I'm inside,
1:10:46 > 1:10:49I'll attach some grenades to the flyswat,
1:10:49 > 1:10:52move straight to the ops room with the remainder of the grenades,
1:10:52 > 1:10:53then up it go.
1:10:53 > 1:10:55Just a minute. Where am I?
1:10:55 > 1:10:57- You're that pebble there? - What pebble?
1:10:57 > 1:10:59By the fence where we cut through the wire.
1:10:59 > 1:11:00Well, what am I doing there?
1:11:00 > 1:11:02Standing guard.
1:11:02 > 1:11:03I don't want to stand guard.
1:11:03 > 1:11:05I didn't come all the way here to stand guard.
1:11:05 > 1:11:07I can stand guard back in Aldershot.
1:11:07 > 1:11:09Cuthbertson, I am giving you an order!
1:11:09 > 1:11:10Well, I'm disobeying it.
1:11:10 > 1:11:14- I'm younger and I'm faster and- I- want to blow up the flyswat.
1:11:14 > 1:11:15- You can't. - Why not?
1:11:15 > 1:11:18Because whoever goes in there is gonna die.
1:11:18 > 1:11:20Then what's the point in standing guard?
1:11:24 > 1:11:29Here. Take the grenades. Blow your arse off.
1:11:29 > 1:11:31- Can't stop being a hero, can you? - I wasn't a hero.
1:11:31 > 1:11:34- Don't give me all that tosh. - It's not tosh.
1:11:34 > 1:11:37I changed a tyre, Cuthbertson, that's all I did.
1:11:39 > 1:11:41What? I don't understand.
1:11:41 > 1:11:44The General was in the back seat.
1:11:44 > 1:11:47I didn't know where we were. A bombardment went up.
1:11:47 > 1:11:50Piece of shrapnel caught the front tyre and we got a puncture.
1:11:51 > 1:11:52And?
1:11:52 > 1:11:55And General Sir William Hyde told me to get out and change it
1:11:55 > 1:11:57which I did very quickly.
1:11:57 > 1:12:00A shell exploded to the right of us, the jack slipped,
1:12:00 > 1:12:01the car fell on my foot.
1:12:01 > 1:12:05I drove some 10 mile with a smashed heel.
1:12:07 > 1:12:10So you were decorated for changing a tyre?
1:12:10 > 1:12:15Yes, I know. RAC patrolmen do it every day.
1:12:16 > 1:12:19Can we now get on with the weapons check?
1:12:21 > 1:12:23Two revolvers
1:12:23 > 1:12:27and 20 rounds.
1:12:27 > 1:12:29Grenades?
1:12:29 > 1:12:33Five in the bag and five in the nylons.
1:12:33 > 1:12:36So how long was it until you saw action again?
1:12:36 > 1:12:40I didn't. I was invalided out, I joined the medical corps.
1:12:42 > 1:12:44So you haven't done anything like this before, have you?
1:12:44 > 1:12:46No.
1:12:48 > 1:12:54Well, I hate to say it, Sergeant, but I wish you hadn't told me that.
1:12:54 > 1:12:56That's fine. It's not a problem.
1:13:00 > 1:13:04Four for the flyswat, the rest for the ops room.
1:13:04 > 1:13:06And no-one stands guard. Agreed?
1:13:10 > 1:13:12Agreed.
1:13:14 > 1:13:17Hope you've got a handbag to go with them stockings.
1:14:23 > 1:14:25- You ready? - Yeah.
1:14:26 > 1:14:28Through you go.
1:15:08 > 1:15:10Wait! MEN CHATTER IN GERMAN
1:15:10 > 1:15:13Cuthbertson. Mirror.
1:15:20 > 1:15:22LAUGHTER
1:15:29 > 1:15:31Right.
1:15:31 > 1:15:35- HE SNIFFS:- I can smell beef.
1:15:35 > 1:15:37And onions.
1:15:37 > 1:15:38Now.
1:15:56 > 1:15:58DOG GROWLS AND YAPS
1:15:58 > 1:16:01MAN: Tiger! Komm hier!
1:16:01 > 1:16:04Komm hier!
1:16:04 > 1:16:07DOG WHIMPERS
1:16:08 > 1:16:11Komm hier!
1:16:14 > 1:16:17KOMM!
1:16:40 > 1:16:44When you're ready, I'll be in position. Good luck.
1:17:22 > 1:17:25DOG BARKS
1:17:31 > 1:17:34MEN CHATTER
1:19:24 > 1:19:27ALARM BELL RINGS, SHOUTING
1:19:32 > 1:19:33Bugger!
1:19:48 > 1:19:50HE MUTTERS SOFTLY
1:20:19 > 1:20:23TRIUMPHANT MUSIC
1:20:37 > 1:20:40MEN SHOUT
1:21:13 > 1:21:15- SOLDIER:- Halt!
1:21:15 > 1:21:18MACHINE-GUN FIRE
1:21:23 > 1:21:26SHOUTS ECHO HOLLOWLY
1:21:33 > 1:21:35SIREN BLARES
1:21:42 > 1:21:44Pack it in!
1:21:44 > 1:21:46TYRES SCREECH
1:21:46 > 1:21:50Sergeant Mohammed, it's Private Mountain.
1:21:54 > 1:21:56What kept you?
1:22:06 > 1:22:08GUNFIRE, WHISTLE BLOWS
1:22:40 > 1:22:42We did quite a good job there, eh?!
1:22:42 > 1:22:44Keep your eyes on the road!
1:22:44 > 1:22:47Have you driven one of these before?
1:22:47 > 1:22:48It's not a problem!
1:22:57 > 1:23:01GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE
1:23:03 > 1:23:06We couldn't have done all that, could we?
1:23:06 > 1:23:07Let's get the hell out of here!
1:23:49 > 1:23:51KNOCK AT DOOR
1:23:51 > 1:23:53(Leslie!)
1:23:57 > 1:24:00Sorry to trouble you. I'm looking for a Miss Emma Fraser.
1:24:03 > 1:24:08Now, Africa is the absolute priority.
1:24:08 > 1:24:10PHONE RINGS
1:24:10 > 1:24:13No... Oh, what the hell did I do with that thing?
1:24:13 > 1:24:16I want to know everything that is going on out there.
1:24:16 > 1:24:20And when I say everything, I mean everything.
1:24:20 > 1:24:23I don't want a camel to so much as break wind
1:24:23 > 1:24:25without it ending up on my desk.
1:24:25 > 1:24:27Oh, here it is.
1:24:27 > 1:24:29Uh...no, it isn't.
1:24:29 > 1:24:33What the hell is this?
1:24:34 > 1:24:36Oh, funny.
1:24:36 > 1:24:41Now, I don't want another shambles like Singapore, gentlemen.
1:24:41 > 1:24:44BOAT ENGINE SPUTTERS
1:24:48 > 1:24:50Hold up.
1:24:53 > 1:24:55We're out of petrol.
1:25:04 > 1:25:06Cop a hold of that oar, Cuthbertson.
1:25:08 > 1:25:09(Oar?)
1:25:26 > 1:25:28We're not gonna row, are we?
1:25:28 > 1:25:31No, we're gonna knit a jumper(!)
1:25:31 > 1:25:33It'll give you an appetite.
1:25:33 > 1:25:36One, two, three.
1:26:12 > 1:26:15He's depressed. He won't get out of his cot.
1:26:15 > 1:26:17You try Clemmie?
1:26:17 > 1:26:20She's at dinner with the Archbishop of Canterbury, Doctor.
1:26:21 > 1:26:24He's an old man. He needs a holiday.
1:26:24 > 1:26:25Failing that, a victory.
1:26:25 > 1:26:28Anything.
1:26:28 > 1:26:30Something to lift his spirits. Good luck.
1:26:32 > 1:26:34- Whose turn is it? - Yours.
1:26:34 > 1:26:36I sat with him for an hour last night...
1:26:36 > 1:26:38- BOTH:- Reading Kipling.
1:26:39 > 1:26:41Why don't you go home, Faith?
1:26:41 > 1:26:43Yes, I know.
1:26:43 > 1:26:45I look terrible.
1:26:45 > 1:26:48HE SIGHS AND KNOCKS
1:26:54 > 1:26:57HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
1:27:00 > 1:27:03I promised the King victory, Merton.
1:27:05 > 1:27:08Gave my word to the country.
1:27:10 > 1:27:13Don't know if I can do it.
1:27:15 > 1:27:17Well, uh...would you like a whisky, sir?
1:27:19 > 1:27:21No, Merton, I don't want a whisky.
1:27:23 > 1:27:25I want a wander.
1:27:30 > 1:27:34I don't know if this rabbit is going to come out of the hat.
1:27:42 > 1:27:45Cuthbertson...
1:27:45 > 1:27:47we got company.
1:27:59 > 1:28:00It's following us!
1:28:06 > 1:28:07Throw something!
1:28:31 > 1:28:33I bet it's one of ours.
1:28:33 > 1:28:36It can't be one of ours!
1:28:36 > 1:28:38That's not fair!
1:28:38 > 1:28:40Not after what we done. Now, that's not fair!
1:28:46 > 1:28:48Come on! Blow, you sod!
1:29:07 > 1:29:09MAN SPEAKS GERMAN
1:29:09 > 1:29:137536394.
1:29:13 > 1:29:15Sergeant King.
1:29:16 > 1:29:19MAN CONTINUES IN GERMAN I don't speak German.
1:29:19 > 1:29:22HE SHOUTS Sergeant King.
1:29:22 > 1:29:277536394.
1:29:27 > 1:29:29MAN SIGHS
1:29:31 > 1:29:3510511436.
1:29:35 > 1:29:38Private Cuthbertson.
1:29:41 > 1:29:42We're dentists.
1:29:42 > 1:29:44MAN SIGHS
1:29:48 > 1:29:49HE SIGHS
1:29:49 > 1:29:51Have we got the girl?
1:29:51 > 1:29:53- She's on her way. - Good.
1:29:55 > 1:29:56Is there any tea in this pot?
1:29:56 > 1:29:58Stewed, I'm afraid.
1:29:58 > 1:30:00Right.
1:30:07 > 1:30:09- Yes, that's Leslie. - Are you sure?
1:30:09 > 1:30:11Positive. Where were they?
1:30:11 > 1:30:14Reconnaissance spotted them in the Channel.
1:30:14 > 1:30:17- Floating on some wood. - That was lucky.
1:30:17 > 1:30:19Well, that rather depends on how you look at it, doesn't it?
1:30:19 > 1:30:21I mean, we don't take too kindly to spies.
1:30:21 > 1:30:23Spies?
1:30:23 > 1:30:24Yes. Or deserters.
1:30:26 > 1:30:29Don't worry. We'll find out soon enough.
1:31:07 > 1:31:09- MAN:- Out!
1:31:24 > 1:31:27Prisoners and escort, sharp!
1:31:27 > 1:31:29Quick march!
1:31:48 > 1:31:51- EMMA:- No, he said that he had to do something dangerous.
1:31:51 > 1:31:55But he couldn't talk about it, you see, on account of it being secret
1:31:55 > 1:31:57and that I might be a spy.
1:31:57 > 1:32:03So the point is, I know they're not spies because they borrowed a boat
1:32:03 > 1:32:05and said they were going somewhere,
1:32:05 > 1:32:08which must have been France, which is where the war is,
1:32:08 > 1:32:11so they can't be deserters either, can they?
1:32:14 > 1:32:16Sorry, do I sound a bit...muddled?
1:32:16 > 1:32:20Not at all. Thank you, Miss Fraser. You may sit down.
1:32:28 > 1:32:30Well, gentlemen.
1:32:30 > 1:32:33Let me tell you, I've presided over many a court martial in my time -
1:32:33 > 1:32:35too many, if I'm honest.
1:32:35 > 1:32:37It's not a task I relish.
1:32:37 > 1:32:42But never before have I been asked to listen to such appalling drivel.
1:32:43 > 1:32:47You're deserters. You know it. I know it.
1:32:47 > 1:32:50Everyone in this room knows it.
1:32:50 > 1:32:52You ran away for a coward's chance on easy street
1:32:52 > 1:32:56and when your boat sank on the way to Ireland
1:32:56 > 1:33:01you invented this...fairytale to save yourselves.
1:33:01 > 1:33:03And what sticks in my throat more than anything else
1:33:03 > 1:33:05is that even after you've failed to produce
1:33:05 > 1:33:08one shred of evidence in your defence,
1:33:08 > 1:33:13you still persist in this ridiculous boy's-own adventure
1:33:13 > 1:33:16of some personal invasion of France.
1:33:19 > 1:33:23You, Private Cuthbertson, have brought shame on the uniform
1:33:23 > 1:33:24worn so bravely by so many.
1:33:26 > 1:33:30You, Sergeant King... you're beyond contempt, frankly.
1:33:30 > 1:33:32Not only have you duped an impressionable...
1:33:32 > 1:33:34DOOR OPENS
1:33:36 > 1:33:38Begging the court's pardon, sir.
1:33:38 > 1:33:40Who is this? What does he want?
1:33:40 > 1:33:42I'm so sorry, Colonel,
1:33:42 > 1:33:47but if I might crave the court's indulgence for a few moments?
1:33:48 > 1:33:50Who are you?
1:33:50 > 1:33:52I'd like to interview the prisoners.
1:33:52 > 1:33:53What?!
1:33:53 > 1:33:55I'm Major Desmond Merton -
1:33:55 > 1:33:59Chief Intelligence Advisor to Mr Churchill.
1:34:00 > 1:34:04Now, I have here...
1:34:04 > 1:34:07a ground plan...
1:34:07 > 1:34:09of some buildings.
1:34:09 > 1:34:11Major, these are official proceedings!
1:34:11 > 1:34:13Now, these buildings that you see here, gentlemen...
1:34:15 > 1:34:17..do you know what they are?
1:34:17 > 1:34:19Yes, sir. That's a listening post, sir.
1:34:19 > 1:34:22A, uh...Cap de la Hague, sir.
1:34:22 > 1:34:25Interesting. How do you know that?
1:34:25 > 1:34:27Well, it...says so at the top, sir.
1:34:30 > 1:34:32Does it?
1:34:34 > 1:34:35Well, so it does.
1:34:35 > 1:34:38- Major! - One moment, please, Colonel.
1:34:38 > 1:34:41Now, would you say you were familiar with these buildings?
1:34:41 > 1:34:43Uh...yes, sir. I think so, sir, yes.
1:34:43 > 1:34:45Good. What can you tell me about them?
1:34:45 > 1:34:47Well, that's the flyswat thing, sir.
1:34:47 > 1:34:50The...the what?
1:34:50 > 1:34:52The signal receiver thing, sir.
1:34:52 > 1:34:55It appeared, to the uninitiated eye,
1:34:55 > 1:34:58to be a giant emblem for the swatting of flies.
1:34:58 > 1:35:01I see. What about these chaps here?
1:35:01 > 1:35:03They're the two teacup things.
1:35:03 > 1:35:05That is to say they have the general appearance
1:35:05 > 1:35:08of teacups placed on their side, sir.
1:35:08 > 1:35:11They were outside the perimeter, so we left them alone.
1:35:11 > 1:35:13Excellent. Right.
1:35:13 > 1:35:16Now, what exactly was it you say you did?
1:35:16 > 1:35:19Blew up the ops room, sir, with grenades.
1:35:19 > 1:35:20Major! BANGS GAVEL
1:35:20 > 1:35:22These men are disgraced.
1:35:22 > 1:35:25They are guilty of theft, deceit and desertion.
1:35:25 > 1:35:28You're not suggesting there's any substance to their story, are you?
1:35:28 > 1:35:30I'm not suggesting anything, Colonel.
1:35:30 > 1:35:32I'm merely trying to ascertain the facts.
1:35:32 > 1:35:34Now, this, uh...operations room.
1:35:34 > 1:35:37Did anything strike you as unusual about it?
1:35:37 > 1:35:40No. Nothing, sir.
1:35:41 > 1:35:43- Apart from the smell. - The smell.
1:35:43 > 1:35:45The smell? What smell?
1:35:45 > 1:35:47Uh...beef and onions, sir.
1:35:47 > 1:35:49- Beef and onions? - Burned beef and onions.
1:35:49 > 1:35:52Major, I really must insist.
1:35:52 > 1:35:56BURNED beef and onions! Ah!
1:35:57 > 1:35:58Thank you, Colonel.
1:35:58 > 1:36:01I've heard all I need to hear.
1:36:01 > 1:36:02Well, thank God for that.
1:36:02 > 1:36:06And in your opinion, Major, are they telling the truth?
1:36:06 > 1:36:09No, sir. They are not.
1:36:12 > 1:36:14They didn't destroy the operations room at all.
1:36:14 > 1:36:17They destroyed the cookhouse.
1:36:17 > 1:36:21LAUGHTER
1:36:21 > 1:36:24BANGS GAVEL: I'm sorry. I'm not putting up with this.
1:36:24 > 1:36:26You can wave what letters you like, Major,
1:36:26 > 1:36:29but unless you can substantiate that claim, I intend to pass sentence.
1:36:29 > 1:36:31Oh, I'm sure that I can, Colonel.
1:36:31 > 1:36:34How? You're not going to tell me you were there, are you?
1:36:34 > 1:36:37- HE CHUCKLES:- Not personally. No, sir.
1:36:37 > 1:36:40But the 2nd Parachute Regiment were.
1:36:40 > 1:36:42- The Paras were there? - Be quiet!
1:36:42 > 1:36:45119 of them, to be exact.
1:36:45 > 1:36:47They were after those two teacup things
1:36:47 > 1:36:50which you were good enough NOT to blow up.
1:36:50 > 1:36:53Their task was to break bits off and bring them home
1:36:53 > 1:36:55for our boffins to play about with, which they did.
1:36:55 > 1:37:00There were reports of an unexpected and very useful diversion.
1:37:00 > 1:37:03But until now, no-one's been able to confirm it.
1:37:03 > 1:37:06Initially, we put it down to the French,
1:37:06 > 1:37:09but, uh...it just didn't tally.
1:37:09 > 1:37:12Anyway, there we are. And well done, gents.
1:37:12 > 1:37:16And thank you, Colonel, for allowing me to clear up that little puzzle.
1:37:17 > 1:37:20Oh, yes. And I nearly forgot.
1:37:20 > 1:37:22Message from the Prime Minister.
1:37:22 > 1:37:27He thanks you very much for the letter. It cheered him up no end.
1:37:27 > 1:37:30He apologises for the delay in replying,
1:37:30 > 1:37:32but he has had rather a lot on.
1:37:32 > 1:37:34However, next time you're in Whitehall,
1:37:34 > 1:37:37he'd be delighted to see you for a cup of tea.
1:37:38 > 1:37:41Uh...that is tea for King and Cuthbertson, sir,
1:37:41 > 1:37:43not, um...
1:37:43 > 1:37:45well...
1:37:45 > 1:37:48Uh...oh, yes, and, um...
1:37:48 > 1:37:51here are your pay books back,
1:37:51 > 1:37:53which he has signed.
1:37:53 > 1:37:56He didn't want you to go short.
1:37:56 > 1:37:59And as he said to me, "A few..."
1:37:59 > 1:38:02A few more lunatics, like those dentists, Merton,
1:38:02 > 1:38:05and I could win this war by Christmas.
1:38:05 > 1:38:06HE CHUCKLES
1:38:25 > 1:38:28Cookhouse. The bloody cookhouse.
1:38:48 > 1:38:51- Well done! - SOLDIERS CHEER
1:39:09 > 1:39:11SOLDIERS CONTINUE CHEERING
1:39:41 > 1:39:43I'll see you in 28 days, Sergeant!
1:39:44 > 1:39:47I'll be here, Private!
1:40:57 > 1:41:02Subtitles by the Australian Caption Centre