0:00:28 > 0:00:31'This is us, meaning him and me.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33'Right now we are just exhausted.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36'We are back from a journey.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39'We saw palazzos, l'operettos and espressos.'
0:00:39 > 0:00:40We were on a journey to Italy,
0:00:40 > 0:00:44like the title of a movie with a happy ending.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Really, we were mostly in Venice
0:00:47 > 0:00:50because it is the city where lovers go.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54It is also the city over water that will end up under water.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Green, ochras, pinks, blues, even greys that shine.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00That's Italy.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02And the pasta, of course.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Now we are a true couple, two years that we have been together.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Two years nowadays it's almost a miracle.
0:01:11 > 0:01:17Two years of happiness with ups and downs and inbetweens, mostly.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Really we just need to pick Jean-Luc that we dropped off at my parents
0:01:21 > 0:01:24between the airport and the train station.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Night train to Venice, that was my idea.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30On our way back to New York we have decided to spend two days in Paris.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33WHISTLE BLOWS
0:01:46 > 0:01:48E mio!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Oh my God!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53He is going to kill him, he is going to kill him.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54MEN ARGUE
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Isn't that the same guy, isn't it the chef who nearly stabbed me
0:01:57 > 0:02:00for putting Parmesan cheese on my seafood pasta? Same guy.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02It wasn't that bad.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06- What are you talking about? I had food poisoning for four days. - Did you enjoy any of it?
0:02:06 > 0:02:10I enjoyed the view from the bathroom. Can we call a cab or something? It's pouring.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- There is like one drop. - It is going to pour. Trust me.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I'm going to call a taxi because you're made of sugar.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19- You know I can get sick. The second we get back to New York I have to start work.- No signal.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22I'm going to get a sinus infection, I can feel it.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23The diarrhoea lowers your resistance.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- This is a bus stop over there. It is the direct us- No.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31No buses, no subways in Europe. All right? The terrorism and the whole thing.
0:02:31 > 0:02:37What do you mean, it is safer in New York? Come on, Paris is fine. There is no terrorism in Paris.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Because France has a secret deal with the terrorists because France is a Muslim country.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45You are fucking psycho. I will try to get a connection somewhere.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Excuse me, I heard you talking, you are American, aren't you?
0:02:49 > 0:02:54- I am indeed.- Well, we're a group of international code breakers
0:02:54 > 0:02:58and we are supposed to meet our French delegation at the Louvre at 10am.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Do you happen to know if it's anywhere near here?
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Yeah, actually, you're really close.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08You are so close I don't think a cab will take you because they are very picky here.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13All you do is you would just go right down there, you make a left, you make a first right
0:03:13 > 0:03:17and then just keep going straight for 10 minutes and you'll be fine.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Are you sure? I appreciate it so much.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Americans are so friendly. You know, I hear the French are just so rude.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25It is a cliche but it's true.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28It's true. We Americans have to stick together.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- Thank you so much.- That's right. Absolutely. My pleasure. Good luck.
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Crack that code.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36OK.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39No taxi in the area.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44- We'll be fine.- What's going on?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- What happened?- They wanted to know where the Louvre was so I told them.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- You know where it is?- No.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51You told them to go this way? It's miles away.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Well, now we're at the beginning of the taxi line, see, survival of the fittest.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57They will go straight to the suburb.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- They're your compatriots. - My compatriots!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03They voted for Bush. They are on a Da Vinci tour.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07They're the embodiment of everything that is wrong culturally and politically with this world.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Maybe they'll see something other than the Mona Lisa
0:04:10 > 0:04:14and get involved in a riot or something and jog their political consciousness.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15You are so mean!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17But you're so right.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18I love you.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21You're so smart.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22HE SNEEZES
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Sinus infection.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Oh, it's automatic.
0:04:59 > 0:05:05'Paris, I was born in the 13th, raised in the 14th, lived in the 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, 19th and 20th
0:05:05 > 0:05:08'until I moved to New York.'
0:05:08 > 0:05:11'I'm Marion and I'm a photographer.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13'It's ironic since I can't see much.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17'I have a birth defect on my retina, it is just full of tiny holes.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20'How can I describe to you what I see?'
0:05:21 > 0:05:23'There it is, my vision of the world.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27'Yes, everyone sees the world literally differently.'
0:05:29 > 0:05:33'This is Jack. He's an interior designer.'
0:05:33 > 0:05:35"Kids are like rats, they carry diseases."
0:05:35 > 0:05:40Something he said on our third date I thought it was so sweet.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Look, it's like a postcard of Paris.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45I'm the photographer but on this trip he took all the photos.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Every moment was digitised, immortalised from every angle.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Up here? - All right, here, go straight.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- This way?- One floor up.- All right.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Elevator?- What?- Elevator?
0:06:19 > 0:06:23It's on the second floor, do you think you can make it?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46'Yes, my mother is a true pain in the butt.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49'But she's also the reason why I became who I am.'
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- MOTHER:- Marion? Marion!
0:07:09 > 0:07:11'When I was young I was a bit special.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13'But not special in a good way.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17'I was always late everywhere because I was stuck in my world.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21'I would look at things in the courtyard and the streets for hours.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23'I even think I could hear voices,
0:07:23 > 0:07:25'but not the kind that tells you to save the world,
0:07:25 > 0:07:26'other kinds of voices.'
0:07:32 > 0:07:35'Some parents would have been seriously worried.
0:07:35 > 0:07:40The doctors had prescribed tons of new medication but my mother said no.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41She just got me a Polaroid camera
0:07:41 > 0:07:45and instead of looking at things for hours I just photographed them.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Oh! Bonjour!
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Yes!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Jack, Anna...
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- I'm sorry we met so briefly on the way in.- Yes.
0:08:18 > 0:08:23Yes, very short presentation, we had to drop off a very important package.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Jean-Luc.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32- Do you do a good voyage? - Very nice. Tres bon.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34It was good. Beautiful.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Ouais, d'accord.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- Au revoir. She is so sweet, your mother.- I know.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- What happened to you?- I don't know.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Having a little trouble there, honey?
0:08:49 > 0:08:54I need your help. I need a strong man to carry my suitcase.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59I thought you wanted to be a strong, independent woman and carry your luggage?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- Yes, I am a strong independent women. I am a strong... - I got it, I got it.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05So, this is your big investment?
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- An apartment one floor up from your parents?- It's convenient.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Especially if you like privacy.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- No sarcasm in Paris.- OK, I will be quiet for two days.- Thank you.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23- You like? You don't like? - HE LAUGHS >
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- What is it?- Nothing.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- You don't like? - No, it's quaint.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31What?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- No, it's cute, it's... - It's not mid-century.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36It's mid-century, 15th century.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41- No, it's very Parisian, I guess. - Is that a compliment?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Sure. It's kind of swampy in here.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48- Swampy?- Yeah, like the water at the lido.- No...
0:09:48 > 0:09:51What the hell is that smell? What is that?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- Oh my God!- What!?- Honey, honey...
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Honey, what the fuck is that?
0:09:57 > 0:10:01It is a leak. It's an old building, there's leaks all the time. The plumber...
0:10:01 > 0:10:03There's no plumber in france.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05Is that black mould?
0:10:05 > 0:10:09- What's black mould? - The deadliest fungus known to man if you inhale it.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- Don't inhale.- That's not funny. Seriously...
0:10:12 > 0:10:16It was there when I was here in January. It's fine.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19It's not black, it's green, look at it.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22It's green, its like blue cheese, it's probably good for you.
0:10:22 > 0:10:28Everybody out. Everybody out. I am condemning the bathroom, it's a hot zone. It's a biohazard.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- OK, we'll shit in the corner of the room.- We'll shit outside. - Yes. Perfect.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Honestly, this place is like a petrie dish for allergeons.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Listen, we have allergies because we are too clean, OK?
0:10:37 > 0:10:43100 years ago we were covered in parasites and we had no allergies.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- Really? So is that the same theory behind the French not bathing?- Yes.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Are you sure you haven't find my contact lenses?
0:10:49 > 0:10:53- No, I have not find it. - In your bag?- No, I don't feel well.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Which one for...my dad?
0:10:55 > 0:11:01I don't feel well. I don't know if it's a migraine or if it's the flu.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Can I use this thermometer.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07I usually don't use this one in the mouth.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Hm?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I don't use this in the mouth, I mean.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- Come on! What is wrong with you? - What? It's a French thermometer.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Are you five? You still use a thermometer up your ass?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21It's the only way to get your temperature properly.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26- Why? Why? - I haven't used it in a few months.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28OK, I take a shower first.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31OK, make sure to take some antibiotics first!
0:11:31 > 0:11:36DIAL-UP INTERNET CONNECTION TONES
0:11:36 > 0:11:42- I'm trying to send this design and I think it would be faster if I just sent up a regular mail.- OK.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46You forget how slow dial-up is.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48We will be back in civilisation in two days.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- HE SNIGGERS - What?- >
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- That bedspread is fucking ridiculous. - It's beautiful.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56When did you get that? Like, 1982 or something?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58'86, I don't know.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- Don't move.- What? - Freeze.- There's a bug?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Oh, I know what it is, a Nan Goldin, it looks like a Nan Goldin bug.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- Stay right there. - No pictures, please! No!
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Perfect.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12Lie down. Work with me. Pretend you're on drugs.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- What drug?- Heroin, of couse.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Perfect.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23- Look at that.- Yes, that beautiful, it's a beautiful photo.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- You're such a talented photographer(!)- Fuck you!
0:12:26 > 0:12:31Do you know why people are attracted to one another? Really attracted.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I try and kiss you and then I get a lecture.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- I'm not kidding.- OK, no, you tell me why(!)
0:12:35 > 0:12:39People with different immune systems and are attracted to one another
0:12:39 > 0:12:43so the offspring will have a stronger immune system with a combination.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48- Don't snore! It's important. - I was saying the same thing. - It's interesting.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Seriously, it's like dating public television. You realise that?
0:12:51 > 0:12:53No! And you don't like that?
0:12:53 > 0:12:59No, it's very educational. It's very educational, really sexy. Anyway, it's complete bullshit.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02My parents were madly in love when they had me, and look at my immune system.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- It's a fucking wreck. - But probably it was more like an intellectual attraction.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- I see.- You know? And that's why they split up after you were born.
0:13:10 > 0:13:15You are so sweet. What you're saying is that because your parents have been together 87 years
0:13:15 > 0:13:18or whatever the hell it is, 38 years, that you're genetically superior?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I'm not. Why do you make everything a competition?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Look at me, I'm barely alive.- How do I make everything a competition?
0:13:24 > 0:13:28I'm a photographer, and you're taking pictures of everything.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32The other day, in Venice, while I was taking a picture of you under that bridge,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34you started taking a picture of me.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37What is this, like, Shit All Over Jack Day?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I try to kiss you, and the next thing I know, I'm genetically inferior,
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I'm a copycat with no identity of my own...
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I never said you were.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48I don't understand why you don't take it as flattery that I'm interested in pho...
0:13:48 > 0:13:50OK, I love this argument.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Can we go on a little bit?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54No, because I'm enjoying this.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Really. It's lovely.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00HE SNIFFS
0:14:00 > 0:14:01What?!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04What is it? What is it?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06- You're scaring me. - No, I'm sensing something.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08What is it? Like I have cancer or something?
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- You smell a tumour, like one of those dogs?- Like a dog?!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Yeah, those dogs that are trained.
0:14:14 > 0:14:19No, I'm not a cancer-sniffing dog. I'm sensing that we have very, very, very different immune systems,
0:14:19 > 0:14:22and I really think we should do something about it.
0:14:22 > 0:14:27Really? My immune system is very different from yours, so our offsprings would be really strong?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28- That's nice.- Yeah.
0:14:28 > 0:14:34All right, but maybe in the meantime, before we do procreate, do you mind getting a condom?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Where are they?- Under the sink.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43When did you get these, like circa the Nan Goldin bedspread purchase?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45No, I got them in January.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49- January?- Yeah.- Were you planning on cheating on me in January?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Actually, I was planning on having sex with you in January,
0:14:52 > 0:14:57but you cancelled because you had an eye infection. You were supposed to come to Paris.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Oh, yeah, that's right. Chlamydia in the eye. So rare.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Yet so sexy.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- What?- What the hell's going on?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09What is it?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Are these things even condoms?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- What else is it? I mean... - I don't know.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17You're going to break it. Don't pull it down like this, from the tip.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20These are smaller than the ones in Italy, if that's possible.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24- No, they're not small. - OK, I give up.- OK, what is it? OK, you just go like this.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- Right, this is pretty simple. - Careful.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Oh, I didn't touch you! Barely.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Is this, like, a kid size condom? Do they make condoms for kids?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- OK, it's on.- It's no wonder the French have to be so romantic.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.- OK, let's do this.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42All right, great. All right, yes.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- Oh, no, that's my leg. Please!- No!
0:15:46 > 0:15:50I can't see you! I could be having sex with Gregory Peck or something.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- Well, good for you! - OK, so much for foreplay.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58What's that? My mother?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00It's my mother! It's OK, it's just my mother.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Your mother has keys?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Of course she has keys. I'm away ten months a year.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23All right, do you have anything to wash? She wants to know.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25No, I d... I don't have... No!
0:16:25 > 0:16:26- Oh, God.- It's her machine.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30I've got to take a shower cos the thing is cutting off circulation to my brain.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- Your mom and... - What are you talking about?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- I love you. - All right. Oh, nice(!) OK, bye...
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Oui?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Ca va?
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Ooh, la, la.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Bon.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12'My mother has always been very good at crying, turning any situation to her advantage.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15'In a few seconds, my dad will reprimand me, and never again
0:18:15 > 0:18:18'will I mention the fact that Jean Luc has gained ten pounds.'
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Is, uh, everything OK down there?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Yes. Why?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- No reason.- Are you coming down?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52We're having lunch in, like, 30 minutes.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54I'm a little terrified, but OK.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57All right, let's do this.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- Hello!- Hello!
0:18:59 > 0:19:00- How are you?- Jack, Jeannot.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Good to finally meet you.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- Oh, no. Insulted already?- No!
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Ah, go.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Ooh, la, la!
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- Smells good.- Yes. It's delicious. - What is that?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Lapin.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Bunny.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Oh, no.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- What?- Oliver.- Who's Oliver?- My pet bunny when I was eight years old.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36He was ravaged by the a Labrador. Only two ears were left, but I'll eat it.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38- Oh, no, you don't have to eat it. - No. Yes, I do.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Lapin no?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- I don't want to upset the natives. - Please.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47- You don't have to.- Yes, I do. - I didn't know about Oliver.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Please...
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- A little leg. Come on.- Thank you. - Looks like chicken.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01It's good, tete!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Is that the heart? - No, that's the head.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10He likes the head.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- Carottes?- Oh, carrot, sure.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- We're going to eat the bunny's food as well, huh?- Yes.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- Are his toys in there?- Sauce?
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Wine black... Wine... Wine wine!
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Non, wine white!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- White wine? Oh, wine blanc. - Vin blanc.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35No, no, I don't want.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03- What? I'm eating it! I'm eating it! - It's nothing to do with you.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Allez.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Kerouac.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Yes, I love Kerouac.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- J'aimais Kerouac.- Faulkner.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- Is he quizzing me?- It's a little welcome quiz.- Faulkner.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Faulkner, yes. The Sound and the Fury.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- Quoi?- Euh, Le Bruit et la Fureur.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Ah, yes. Miller, Henry.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36- Henry Miller.- Yes, yes. Ex pat. Ahead of his time.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37Ah, sex.
0:21:37 > 0:21:43- Yeah, sex, yes.- Sex is good! Miller, sex is, sex is...!
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Jeannot, Jeannot, Jeannot!
0:21:46 > 0:21:48It's silly. It's OK, it's OK. Don't worry.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Euh, French white.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Hm?
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Speak French whiter.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- French writers.- Now we're doing French writers?- Yes.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Rimbaud, yes. Yes, tres bon.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Oh, I mispronounced. - Yeah.- Ah, Rambo.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15It's a highbrow humour. Mm.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Baudelaire.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Oui, good, good, good.- Verlaine.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- Verlaine.- Moliere.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Ooh, bravo!
0:22:30 > 0:22:35Et Auguste Renoir. Great writer.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39He's a painter!
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Ah! Good!
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- He tried to trick me! - I know, he did!
0:22:48 > 0:22:50You can't fuck with me, man!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- Maman!- What?- Nothing!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Oh, she's got keys too, huh?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- Hello. How are you?- Yes. I'm Rose.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Yes. Jack. Nice to meet you.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Yeah, nice to meet you.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32- Vous allez faire une ballade a Paris, tout les deux? - Are we going to go visit Paris?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- A Paris? Oui.- Mm-hm.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39Yeah, yeah. Um, I would like to go see the catacombs.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41- Les catacombes.- And, Pere...
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Pere Lachaise.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Well, to see Jim Morrison's grave.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Did I say something tacky?
0:23:56 > 0:24:00- Alors, vous avez pris des photos a Venice?- We took pictures in Venice.
0:24:00 > 0:24:06- Oh, yes, yes, many pictures. Would you like to see some pictures?- Yes.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Oh, this is the Plaza San Marco.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Yes, bravo. Lots of nice photo.
0:24:43 > 0:24:48Oh, thank you. I just got the camera for work, but I like doing it.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- Yes, but why no balloons in these photos?- I'm sorry?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- Did you show the photos to your sister?- No.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03- Quoi?- No, I told her about it.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Oh, yes! Good!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Balloons, photo balloons!
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Three balloon!
0:25:14 > 0:25:15Joli!
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Balloons!
0:25:32 > 0:25:35OK, sweetie, you're not... It's funny. Sweetie, it's funny.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37So...
0:25:38 > 0:25:44- ..um, that's a little bird on the terrace of the hotel.- Ah!
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Bonsoir. Amusez vous bien.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55# Il ya des gens qui sont piques D'aller a l'etranger... #
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Nice snorting.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10You used to like my snorting when I... After two years, it gets a little tiring?
0:26:10 > 0:26:13I said I liked your snorting cos I was trying to get in your pants.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Once I got in your pants, there was no need to compliment you.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- But now it discusses you. - It doesn't "discuss" me.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21"Discuss me" would be like if we were to discuss something.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I'm sorry, I speak four languages, OK?
0:26:24 > 0:26:28Which one of them do you speak well, again?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Cos I have no proof that you speak French well.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34For all I know, you could be stupid in French. It's true! How would I know?
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Y'know, I'm not a big death fan, but this place is strangely undepressing.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41I know! All the Parisians are dead here.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42- That why it's so quiet? - Yeah. It's so nice.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- "Juck" t'aime. - Why do you put a "uck!"
0:26:46 > 0:26:47- "Je t'aime."- "Jer" t'aime.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52"Je t'aime." It's French. It's easy. You don't put a "uck!" It's not German.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- Ou est le steak crites?- "Frites."
0:26:55 > 0:26:59Ou est le steak frites? Hm?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02It's so ugly when you speak French.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03Why are we even going there?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Jim Morrison. Why?
0:27:05 > 0:27:07You don't even like The Doors.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11No, it's a famous grave, though. Anyway, I'm a huge Val Kilmer fan.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Yeah, you take your photo and we go, OK? All right?
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Pardon. Oh, pardon.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19- Oh, non, mais... - We're getting the party started.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Just take the photo. What's wrong with her?
0:27:24 > 0:27:26- Come on!- OK, let's go.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28- I'm a free spirit!- This is it.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- FRENCH ACCENT: Super cool! - Yeah, super cool...
0:27:31 > 0:27:34I'm so sorry. I can't believe that the catacombs were closed.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36It's one of my favourite things.
0:27:36 > 0:27:41Ah, well. I can't believe we have not run into one single person I know this entire trip.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44I mean, what about The Collective Dynamics of the Small World Network?
0:27:44 > 0:27:49- I mean...- 'Collective Dynamics of the Small World Network, a book Jack read when we were in Venice.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53'Everywhere we went, he was looking for proof that this theory works.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54'It's very simple.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55'Our world is very small,
0:27:55 > 0:27:58and if you travel to the other side of the planet,
0:27:58 > 0:28:01'there is a very high probability that you will bump into someone
0:28:01 > 0:28:03'who lives right down the street from you.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06'Scientifically, it is proven that it's not just chance.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08'We are a whole, and everything is connected.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10'The illusion of chaos in which we live
0:28:10 > 0:28:13'is actually quite orderly and definitely linked.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16'But it's just a theory, and Jack spent our two weeks in Venice
0:28:16 > 0:28:18'looking for a sign of it, and nothing.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Morality? Mortality?
0:28:37 > 0:28:39How are you? Nice to meet you, man.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43- Nice to meet you, Jack. You speak French?- No, no.- Oh.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04- We're going to my friend's party tonight.- Tonight, yeah.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31- Nice to meet you, man. - Yeah, that was nice, homey.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36- "That was nice, homey"?! - Oh, that's funny.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- Let's get a cab, huh? - You want to get a cab? OK...
0:29:39 > 0:29:41- Um, so what's the deal, man?- What?
0:29:41 > 0:29:44That guy was looking at you like you were a big leg of lamb.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46- Like he had the fork, knife and bib. - I am a big leg of lamb.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49I know, but you're my leg of lamb. How do you know him?
0:29:49 > 0:29:52Well, we met many years ago, and we had a little thing.
0:29:52 > 0:29:56I think I gave him a blow job. No big deal.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58- Really? A blow job's no big deal? - Oh, I'm sorry!
0:29:58 > 0:30:02No, but I mean it's no big deal in comparison to what's going on in the world.
0:30:02 > 0:30:06There's George Bush, there's the war in Iraq, there's avian flu,
0:30:06 > 0:30:10and there's a blow job. It's, like, in consideration, it's...
0:30:11 > 0:30:15- Nice transition.- It's a pretty minor event, don't you think?
0:30:15 > 0:30:19I would say it's not a minor event if you want to start talking in the grander political scheme.
0:30:19 > 0:30:22If you think about it, it was a blow job, after all,
0:30:22 > 0:30:26- that brought down America's last chance at a healthy democracy, so...- Hm.
0:30:27 > 0:30:30Hey, do we have to go to this thing tonight?
0:30:30 > 0:30:34- You don't want to go? - No, no...- No, we don't have to go, but I'd love to see my friends.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37OK, no, it's fine. Are you friends with all your exes?
0:30:37 > 0:30:39I'm friends with some of my exes.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41I mean, y'know, most of them.
0:30:41 > 0:30:45I mean, this guy is a really wonderful writer/poet.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47French poet?
0:30:47 > 0:30:51- You're not friends with ANY of your exes?- No.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53- Really?- No.
0:30:53 > 0:30:57- I didn't know that about you. - When it was over, it was over.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00So if we broke up, you would not like to see me ever again?
0:31:00 > 0:31:04No, if I ran into you, I wouldn't avoid you. I wouldn't go out of my way to hang out with you.
0:31:04 > 0:31:08It means you don't think I'm a likeable person outside of our relationship?
0:31:08 > 0:31:10Uh, yeah, basically.
0:31:10 > 0:31:14That's interesting. I like you, I would like to be your friend when we break up.
0:31:14 > 0:31:17- Oh, "when"?- Whenever we break up. No, IF we break up.- Uh-huh.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19I would like you even if we were not together.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22That's very evolved of you. I mean, I'm, y'know...
0:31:22 > 0:31:24I mean, that's the way we do it in France.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26We stay really close to our exes.
0:31:26 > 0:31:30France is responsible for so much of your personal behaviour. How does the government feel?
0:31:30 > 0:31:36- They make me pay a lot of taxes. - Right. Hey, look, can we stop at a pharmacy? My head is just killing me.
0:31:36 > 0:31:37I ran out of migraine medication.
0:31:37 > 0:31:41- We can get codeine over the counter here, right?- No!- No? Why no?
0:31:41 > 0:31:46Well, because it's France. You can't buy opiates over the counter. It's not Afghanistan.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50- Oh...- OK, there's no taxi here. Come on, let's go.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52Maybe we can find some heroin over the counter.
0:31:54 > 0:31:58- This is the bridge.- I've seen Last Tango more than anybody. Stop there.- Where?
0:31:58 > 0:32:01Right there. Hey, you're doing Brando in the opening scene. All right?
0:32:01 > 0:32:03I'm not doing Brando.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05- Yeah, look... - Why don't you do Brando?
0:32:05 > 0:32:09You look more like Brando than I do. I don't look anything like him. C'mon. Fingers in the ear.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12Fingers in the ear, and then you're in pain, all right?
0:32:12 > 0:32:14You're very upset. Here we go. Ahhh!
0:32:14 > 0:32:16Fingers in the ear. Aah!
0:32:16 > 0:32:18- AAAHHH!- All right, good.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20- You know what?- What?
0:32:20 > 0:32:23'Taking pictures all the time turns you into an observer.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26'It automatically takes you out of the moment.
0:32:26 > 0:32:32'For our trip to Venice, I wanted to be in the moment with Jack, but instead of kissing on the gondola,
0:32:32 > 0:32:35'Jack took 48 pictures on the gondola.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38'Instead of holding hands walking across Piazza San Marco,
0:32:38 > 0:32:42'Jack took 72 pictures, Piazza San Marco. Et cetera, et cetera.'
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Which one of these looks more Godard?
0:32:56 > 0:32:59- Er...- Godard?
0:32:59 > 0:33:02- Or Godard?- Black.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05- How do I look?- The question is,
0:33:05 > 0:33:08how do I look?
0:33:08 > 0:33:10- OK...- Uh, you look great.
0:33:10 > 0:33:11You look really good, actually.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13Like not to fat or too, like...
0:33:13 > 0:33:17No, you look fat, but you look good(!) You look good!
0:33:17 > 0:33:22- Really, without your glasses, I kind of forgot how good.- I know. I find my contacts, finally.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25- Making quite an effort, huh?- Huh?
0:33:25 > 0:33:28Unlike Venice. Is it for Manu?
0:33:28 > 0:33:29Manu?
0:33:29 > 0:33:32Hey, we're going to pass by my father's...
0:33:32 > 0:33:35gallery on the way. Is that OK?
0:33:35 > 0:33:38Because I think you might like it.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40- Do you read the Bible? - I have a Bible?
0:33:40 > 0:33:42I didn't even know I had the Bible.
0:33:50 > 0:33:51You have this in the Bible.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Oh, that's, er... Oh, yeah.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58No, but...
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Oh, that's so funny! You found it!
0:34:01 > 0:34:04- Yeah.- No, I was looking for it the other day. It's...
0:34:04 > 0:34:06- What's his name?- I don't know.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08I mean, there's so many.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11He's the boyfriend of one of my best friends when I was a kid.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Jean Philippe. Jean Louis. Jean Louis.
0:34:13 > 0:34:17- Jean Francois!- Jean Francois. - It was about ten years ago.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19That's not an ex boyfriend, that's just a friend.
0:34:19 > 0:34:23It was the 14th of July. He was drunk, I was drunk, we were all drunk.
0:34:23 > 0:34:27There was like, 20 people around, wearing balloons.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31- You don't think it's a little offensive to have the same picture? - What?
0:34:31 > 0:34:32It's the same exact photo!
0:34:32 > 0:34:34As what?
0:34:34 > 0:34:37- "As what"?- Yeah. Oh! I...
0:34:37 > 0:34:39- As me!- No, it's not! It's not at all.
0:34:39 > 0:34:43There's a blue, white and red balloon, like 14th of July.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46Is this the equivalent of mounting boyfriends' heads on the wall,
0:34:46 > 0:34:49but instead you take pictures of helium balloons tied around cocks?
0:34:49 > 0:34:53Are there more? If I look through the books, will I find a catalogue of men
0:34:53 > 0:34:55with helium balloons tied around their dick?
0:34:55 > 0:34:58Will it start raining helium balloons on cocks?
0:34:58 > 0:34:59No! It's a coincidence.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02Come on. It's no big deal.
0:35:02 > 0:35:05No, I just feel really special!
0:35:05 > 0:35:09You're special to me. No, that photo we did was special. That was not like this one.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13This one was, like, I was drunk, everyone was drunk...
0:35:13 > 0:35:16- You're offended.- Yeah. - You're very special.
0:35:16 > 0:35:19Like in the retarded way, which is obviously why I'm going out with you.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23- Are you OK, booby?- Yeah.
0:35:33 > 0:35:34Hey, cool, man!
0:35:34 > 0:35:35Ah, super cool.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13- He's just saying how beautiful his kids are.- Hm. That's funny.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23He's saying I look like Catherine Zeta Jones.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26Catherine Zeta Jones, hein?
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Wait, we have a blind cab driver.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Jack. Jack. Enchante.
0:37:04 > 0:37:08De Gaulle is fucking the ass of middle class French.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16That's Anna, because Michel was with Anna.
0:37:16 > 0:37:21They shared the same woman for a while, with my mother. They were having sex.
0:37:21 > 0:37:22- Of course they did...- Anna. Amant.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25- Amant. L'amant. L'amant.- Lover.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27- The lover.- The lover, yeah.
0:37:27 > 0:37:28Lover. Et girl...
0:37:28 > 0:37:30They're all touching each other.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Voila. Et chicken.
0:37:32 > 0:37:36- Chicken, chicken, chicken. - You gotta have chicken. Chicken sex?
0:37:39 > 0:37:40Jeannot, Jeannot.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42No, no, no.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- French!- Yeah, but I get migraines.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49He gets headaches from red wine.
0:38:00 > 0:38:04- It's a man who's pregnant having a baby.- Oh, like the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06- Hermaphrodite.- Hermaphrodite.
0:38:16 > 0:38:21- Euh, pigs.- Uh huh. Oh, yeah, pigs with some sort of salami.- Oh, yes.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30Marion? Marion?
0:38:30 > 0:38:32Yes? What's going on?
0:38:32 > 0:38:34- Your father's...- Cunnilingus.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37Cunnilingus. French. Cunnilingus!
0:38:37 > 0:38:38I'm sorry, honey. Sorry.
0:38:41 > 0:38:42Where are you going?
0:38:58 > 0:38:59Au revoir, au revoir.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15- Oh, hey.- Hey.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18- Where are you going?- I'm done here. - Oh.- I'll see you at Vanessa's?- Yeah.
0:39:18 > 0:39:23You know, I wanted to tell you, I think it's wrong what Marion did,
0:39:23 > 0:39:26showing those pictures of you with the balloons to the family.
0:39:26 > 0:39:28Well... It's wrong. You know?
0:39:28 > 0:39:30It's not right. It showed...
0:39:30 > 0:39:35- It showed no respect for your intimity as a couple.- "Intimity"?
0:39:35 > 0:39:37- Your...- Oh, intimacy! No, I know!
0:39:37 > 0:39:39- Right? I'm not crazy, right?- No.
0:39:39 > 0:39:42- Yeah.- ..ce tableau la bas...
0:39:47 > 0:39:49- Take care.- OK.
0:39:56 > 0:39:57What are you doing?
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Oh, I needed some air. It's so stuffy in there.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01- I know. It's hot.- Mm.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03- You want to go? - Yeah, yeah. You ready?
0:40:03 > 0:40:05- You said goodbye to my dad? - Yeah.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07- OK.- OK.- You OK?- Yeah. Well, yeah.
0:40:09 > 0:40:12I got to tell you, it was wrong you showed that picture to your family.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15It just knows a total lack of respect for our intimacy.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20Your picture? But it's so funny!
0:40:20 > 0:40:22- Come on!- It's totally inappropriate!
0:40:22 > 0:40:25My dad loved it! He thought it was hilarious.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27Judging by the work in his gallery, that doesn't surprise me.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30I don't like being laughed at, that's all.
0:40:30 > 0:40:33- Come on. - I never take subways in New York.
0:40:33 > 0:40:38There is no chance of a terrorist attack right now.
0:40:38 > 0:40:40Everyone's happy.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42- They don't look happy.- Hm?
0:40:42 > 0:40:44They don't look happy.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46It's OK. It's all right.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03It's OK.
0:41:23 > 0:41:24All right, I got it.
0:41:32 > 0:41:33Didn't work.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35Everything OK?
0:41:52 > 0:41:54Ca va? Hey!
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Hello! Jack. Hello.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02Mon amie, Vanessa. My friend.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05- Nice to meet you. - So, you're the new boyfriend?
0:42:05 > 0:42:08- What's your name?- Sandra. - Oh, Sandra. "New" boyfriend?
0:42:08 > 0:42:15- Uh, not that new, but, all right... - Nice to meet you.- Somewhat used. Hi.
0:42:15 > 0:42:20- Are you OK?- Oh, yeah. No, very good. I'm eating little hot dog balls, I got a beer. Everything's good.
0:42:20 > 0:42:25- Oh, good!- You want some more food? I'm OK, honey. I'm 35.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27OK, fine.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32She still breast feeds me but don't tell anybody.
0:42:40 > 0:42:45By the way, did you notice how most women have their pussy formatted
0:42:45 > 0:42:49like they have that horrible cut, you know?
0:42:49 > 0:42:52The subway ticket?
0:42:52 > 0:42:54Subway ticket, huh?
0:42:54 > 0:42:58Yeah, "le ticket Metro", we call it here. It's a narrow rectangle.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00Oh, landing strip. I hate it.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02- You don't like that.- It's horrible.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05- Yeah.- Yeah. I actually call it Hitler's moustache.
0:43:05 > 0:43:07Wow! You really hate it!
0:43:07 > 0:43:09When I look at it like this...
0:43:09 > 0:43:12- I go. Yeah, it's horrible.- Yeah.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14But it always make my cock back away.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Uh huh, uh huh...
0:43:17 > 0:43:20- It's not the right term?- No, I...
0:43:23 > 0:43:25You know, when it get scared or cold.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28Yeah. Oh, yeah, scared. I guess cold...
0:43:28 > 0:43:31Oh, maybe Americans not have that problem.
0:43:31 > 0:43:35You never scared of entering hostile territories.
0:43:35 > 0:43:37HE LAUGHS
0:43:37 > 0:43:39By the way, I'm Mathieu. Nice to meet you.
0:43:39 > 0:43:41Jack. Nice to meet you.
0:43:42 > 0:43:44Hey, sweetie.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47This guy's talking about fascist vaginas.
0:43:47 > 0:43:48- Ca va, toi?- Ca va?
0:44:02 > 0:44:03No, he's doing an exhibition.
0:44:03 > 0:44:05He's a really interesting artist.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08- Oh, yeah. Ex boyfriend?- No!
0:44:08 > 0:44:09You sure?
0:44:09 > 0:44:12- That'd be a record.- No!
0:44:12 > 0:44:15- Oh, Manu!- Oh, you don't have to speak to him. Come on.
0:44:15 > 0:44:17Oh, no, I want to! I love Manu.
0:44:18 > 0:44:20'I always thought that a very small lie,
0:44:20 > 0:44:24'if it has no repercussions on anything or anyone,
0:44:24 > 0:44:25'is not really a lie.
0:44:25 > 0:44:27'You have to make a small diagram in your head
0:44:27 > 0:44:31'evaluating the pros and cons of the possible consequences,
0:44:31 > 0:44:34'and especially if there a chance that the lie might be uncovered.'
0:44:34 > 0:44:36- Hey, it's you, dude! - Hey, man, how are you?
0:44:36 > 0:44:38How you doing? Oh, OK. Sure, OK.
0:44:38 > 0:44:41- What's up?- Oh, not much, not much. How you doing?- No, I'm OK.
0:44:41 > 0:44:44- She told you that we used to be together, right?- Oh, yes.
0:44:44 > 0:44:49You know, it was, like, 15 years ago, so it's no big deal at all.
0:44:49 > 0:44:50- Really.- No.- Yeah...
0:44:50 > 0:44:53- She was 19.- Ah, just a child.
0:44:53 > 0:44:55Yeah. I gave her her first orgasm through intercourse.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00This is rude. I know when I'm rude. This is rude.
0:45:00 > 0:45:02- I'm sorry about that. - Oh, no, no, no, no!
0:45:02 > 0:45:05No, hey, look, you paved the way for the rest of us, right? Sure.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08- Toast to that.- Let's toast to that!
0:45:08 > 0:45:14OK. Anyway, you know, it wasn't even a big love story, more like, you know, brother and sister.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17- Oh, a brother and sister that have sex.- Yeah, no big deal, y'know.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20Right. Yeah, well, I have to just go get the thing.
0:45:20 > 0:45:24I love that guy. Go get it.
0:45:24 > 0:45:26- What is it?- A sole blow job, huh?
0:45:26 > 0:45:27You had sex with the guy.
0:45:27 > 0:45:29- Who?- Manu!
0:45:29 > 0:45:32No! Well, yeah...
0:45:32 > 0:45:33- Just vaguely.- "Vaguely"?
0:45:33 > 0:45:35What is that, just the tip?
0:45:35 > 0:45:38- I don't see what the point of lying about it is.- I didn't lie!
0:45:38 > 0:45:41You did, and not to mention the fact that he told me that
0:45:41 > 0:45:44he was the first person to give you an orgasm through intercourse.
0:45:44 > 0:45:46- Sound familiar?- No, listen...
0:45:46 > 0:45:48- Rings a bell?- No, I told him that to make him feel better,
0:45:48 > 0:45:52- or maybe good.- Right, exactly, which is exactly what you told me.- Did I?
0:45:52 > 0:45:56- Oh, my God!- But it's true with you! Is it amnesia? I don't understand.
0:45:56 > 0:46:00No, booby, don't be all crappy like this. Please don't be jealous.
0:46:00 > 0:46:03You knew I wasn't a virgin when I met you. I was 33!
0:46:03 > 0:46:05That's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about the lying.
0:46:05 > 0:46:07Of course you're not a virgin. Far from it.
0:46:07 > 0:46:09OK, I'm going to get some dip.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11I'm a child psychologist.
0:46:11 > 0:46:16I work with children with difficulties in the 16th and Neuilly sur Seine.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18- Yeah, yeah, yeah.- Rich children.
0:46:18 > 0:46:21- With money. - Yeah. That happens, that happens.
0:46:21 > 0:46:23Well, that sounds very fascinating.
0:46:23 > 0:46:29One time I have to tell you this story I was working with this kid in my office,
0:46:29 > 0:46:32and I had to go to the toilets...
0:46:32 > 0:46:37- Uh-huh.- And when I came back, my chair was all wet.
0:46:37 > 0:46:42- That little rat, he had peed on it. - Oh!
0:46:42 > 0:46:44I was so mad.
0:46:46 > 0:46:50The only think I could think about after that is that
0:46:50 > 0:46:54I just wanted to cut it off, just wanted to cut it off.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56- Quit your job, or...?- No!
0:46:56 > 0:46:58I wanted to cut off his little penis.
0:46:58 > 0:47:01- Oh, his little penis.- Yes.- Oh, boy.
0:47:26 > 0:47:28You go to the temple sometimes?
0:47:28 > 0:47:31Uh, no. In fact, I'm not really Jewish.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34Well, my mother was brought up Catholic, even though it's a Jewish
0:47:34 > 0:47:37last name and everything, so technically not Jewish.
0:47:37 > 0:47:40- But your father is Jewish. So you're Jewish too, man?- Right.
0:47:40 > 0:47:43You a happy, hairy Jewish man! What do you think?
0:47:43 > 0:47:47You think Hitler would let you go because your ma is not Jewish? It doesn't change anything.
0:47:47 > 0:47:50You'll be in a camp, put in the camp by all these guys, believe me.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52Right, right. OK. All right.
0:47:52 > 0:47:54Yeah, I never liked camp.
0:47:54 > 0:47:56By the way, I'll be in your apartment for a couple of days.
0:47:56 > 0:47:58Marion invited me, so...
0:47:58 > 0:48:00We've got one bedroom, a small one bedroom.
0:48:00 > 0:48:01Yeah, I'll bring fois gras, you know.
0:48:01 > 0:48:07I feel that I'm your brother, and what mine is just yours, man.
0:48:07 > 0:48:09Does that mean that what's mine is yours?
0:48:09 > 0:48:12- Oh, if you want to give, I'll take it.- Oh, really?
0:48:12 > 0:48:15So this applies to everything? Let me just explain something to you.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18Um, I'm American. Right?
0:48:18 > 0:48:21And in America, what's mine is mine.
0:48:21 > 0:48:25See, my first religion is private property. Don't trespass.
0:48:25 > 0:48:26- Don't touch my shit.- Yeah.
0:48:26 > 0:48:30Or I'll kill you. OK? OK!
0:48:30 > 0:48:33I like that man. See you in August! I love your home!
0:48:33 > 0:48:37You told this paranoid, crazy person he could stay at our place in August?
0:48:37 > 0:48:39No, I said he could stay if we were away.
0:48:39 > 0:48:41Well, you might want to talk to him, because
0:48:41 > 0:48:44he thinks our apartment is the fucking promised land.
0:49:23 > 0:49:29I want to remember the least romantic day in Parisian history.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53Marion?
0:50:58 > 0:51:00Marion!
0:51:02 > 0:51:05- Oh, mais ca...- What's going on? Oh.
0:51:05 > 0:51:08Oh, sweetie! What's going on? I don't feel good!
0:51:08 > 0:51:11- I don't feel good. - What's the matter? What's the matter?
0:51:13 > 0:51:15Huh?
0:51:15 > 0:51:19No, no, no, we had mussels last month on Long Island.
0:51:19 > 0:51:24- Yeah, but it was American mussels. Maybe I'm allergic to French mussels.- Someone call 911!
0:51:24 > 0:51:25- Is it 911 here?- No!
0:51:26 > 0:51:29- What? Someone call je suis allergique moules!- Wait!
0:51:29 > 0:51:32- What's the matter? What's the matter? - I don't have a pulse.
0:51:32 > 0:51:33- Yes, you do, honey.- No!- You're alive.
0:51:33 > 0:51:36No, no, no. Yes, you do, yes, you do.
0:51:36 > 0:51:37I'm dead!
0:51:37 > 0:51:38No, you're not, you're talking.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06Jack? I'm alive, booby.
0:52:06 > 0:52:09Yeah, I know you are. I could tell by all the talking.
0:52:09 > 0:52:12- Yes.- Yeah.
0:52:12 > 0:52:18- Hey, do you have anything for sinuses? Antihistamine?- Actually, no.
0:52:18 > 0:52:19But she'll be fine. She'll be OK.
0:52:19 > 0:52:21- Yeah, I know.- OK.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Did you enjoy talking to my sister?
0:52:38 > 0:52:41I mean, you barely spoke to anyone else.
0:52:41 > 0:52:46That's not true. I talked to Mathieu and Manu and Sandra.
0:52:46 > 0:52:48They were charming.
0:52:48 > 0:52:52"Charming" as in "charming" or are you sarcastic?
0:52:52 > 0:52:53No, no, they were lovely.
0:52:53 > 0:52:54I can't tell with you!
0:53:40 > 0:53:43- Hey, hey, hey...- Sweetie, it's OK, it's under control.
0:53:43 > 0:53:48We're dealing with a fucking psychopath, Nazi, fucking racist asshole.
0:53:48 > 0:53:51And that's OK, because you know what? That's France.
0:53:51 > 0:53:54We are in France.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56Welcome to France, welcome to France,
0:53:56 > 0:53:58welcome to France!
0:53:58 > 0:53:59- Hey, ca va?- Fasciste.
0:54:16 > 0:54:20We can just... This is fine. This is good right here.
0:54:35 > 0:54:36Quoi?
0:54:44 > 0:54:46Good night. Thanks.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50What is wrong with you?
0:54:50 > 0:54:53That guy was a racist.
0:54:53 > 0:55:00You know, when we get back to the States, we're checking you into an anger management/rehab clinic.
0:55:00 > 0:55:04I didn't even get angry. I mean, is it OK to be racist?
0:55:04 > 0:55:07At least Rose is alive.
0:55:10 > 0:55:12Smells like lamb in here.
0:55:12 > 0:55:16This whole city smells like lamb.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18- Uh huh.- What is this?
0:55:18 > 0:55:20Did your mother do this?
0:55:20 > 0:55:23- Uh, laundry.- That's sweet.
0:55:23 > 0:55:27Oh, shit. I tell her not to do it, but she can't help it.
0:55:27 > 0:55:30She irons jeans? Who irons jeans?
0:55:30 > 0:55:34Ironing jeans is her favourite thing in the world. It's nice.
0:55:36 > 0:55:38- All right, y'know... - I thought she was a hippy.
0:55:38 > 0:55:42Yeah, but eventually the mother habit started creeping in on her.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50- OK, y'see? This is what I'm talking about.- What?
0:55:50 > 0:55:53- I'm trying to get on top! - Yeah, I know.- You keep fighting it!
0:55:53 > 0:55:55Yeah, because you always want to get on top.
0:55:55 > 0:55:59What do you mean, I always want to get on top? That's how I like to do it.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01Yeah, that's how YOU like to do it, but I'm here too!
0:56:01 > 0:56:03I'm not, like, a human dildo!
0:56:03 > 0:56:04You're not?
0:56:04 > 0:56:09I'm serious. For all this talk about women being objectified and women are oversexualised and women
0:56:09 > 0:56:14being pieces of meant and women being baby-making machines, it's men who are pieces of meat.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17It's true! Because there's such emphasis placed on the female orgasm.
0:56:17 > 0:56:21It's all about the end result, what's the best position for the woman.
0:56:21 > 0:56:23It should be a two-way street. It should be about compromise.
0:56:23 > 0:56:29I really feel for you. I mean, it must be horrible to be a man and be used and be an object and all that.
0:56:29 > 0:56:31I really support your cause. You should call Amnesty.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34I'm so sorry. You know what? I'm not in the mood any more.
0:56:34 > 0:56:37- No, no, no, no.- No!- No, no.- How do you want me to have sex with you?
0:56:37 > 0:56:39- No!- I'm sorry. - I'm not doing this right now.
0:56:39 > 0:56:42- Hey, let's go from behind.- NO!- OK.
0:56:42 > 0:56:44OK? I want to do it on top, and you keep...
0:56:44 > 0:56:47OK, listen, now I'm traumatised, OK? I've been rejected.
0:56:47 > 0:56:50You know what it is for a woman to be rejected while she's having sex?
0:56:50 > 0:56:53No, no, it's over. You know what? I'll probably never eat again.
0:56:53 > 0:56:57- I'm probably bulimic or anorexic. - No, no, no.- Leave me alone.
0:56:57 > 0:56:59Honey, come on, we haven't loved the entire trip.
0:56:59 > 0:57:02Well, yeah! Who wasn't in the mood?
0:57:02 > 0:57:04I was on the bowl the whole time!
0:57:04 > 0:57:07Did you want to mount me while I was shitting my guts out?
0:57:07 > 0:57:10Don't say it any more. I can't hear you say the word "shitting"
0:57:10 > 0:57:13any more. I'm too tired to fight. Can we do it tomorrow? Thank you.
0:57:13 > 0:57:17I'm going to sleep with the cat. He's much sexier, anyway.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25Danke!
0:57:51 > 0:57:52- What? What? What?- Oh my God!
0:57:52 > 0:57:54I don't know! They're screaming.
0:57:54 > 0:57:56Ow! What are you doing?
0:58:18 > 0:58:21There's a water pipe that broke downstairs.
0:58:21 > 0:58:26- They're on their way.- Who?
0:58:26 > 0:58:28The firemen.
0:58:28 > 0:58:31- Oh.- God!- Got a hangover. - I'm going to help, OK?
0:58:36 > 0:58:38- Ah, bonjour!- Bonjour.
0:59:38 > 0:59:41Oh, hey, guys. How you doing?
0:59:41 > 0:59:43Jack. Enchante.
0:59:43 > 0:59:45- Salut.- Monsieur. How you doing?
0:59:45 > 0:59:47Um, can I touch, too?
0:59:47 > 0:59:50- Hm?- Muscles?
0:59:50 > 0:59:56- Ca va, ca va...- No, OK, all right.
0:59:56 > 0:59:58- Ohhh!- Bonne journee.- Oui.
0:59:58 > 1:00:00All right, OK. All right.
1:00:00 > 1:00:02Oh!
1:00:09 > 1:00:11Finally under control.
1:00:11 > 1:00:13- Soaking wet.- I bet you are.
1:00:13 > 1:00:14Ho!
1:00:23 > 1:00:25Do you want to come? To the market?
1:00:25 > 1:00:27I have such a terrible hangover.
1:00:27 > 1:00:29Maybe you should spend some time with your dad.
1:00:29 > 1:00:31- He asked you to come!- How do I know? You're speaking French.
1:00:31 > 1:00:33For all I know, he said I killed Christ.
1:00:33 > 1:00:35It's one of my favourite things to do in Paris.
1:00:35 > 1:00:38- I want to share this with you. Please.- Yes. Yes, yes, OK.
1:00:38 > 1:00:41- Thank you.- All right.
1:00:41 > 1:00:43Then we'll go to brunch, OK?
1:00:43 > 1:00:45I feel sick, though.
1:00:51 > 1:00:52- "Chaute"!- Shout!
1:00:52 > 1:00:54- Rarrr!- Shout, chaute!
1:00:56 > 1:00:58Il a aime s'amuser a Paris hier?
1:00:58 > 1:00:59Did you like visiting Paris?
1:00:59 > 1:01:03Oh, yes, very nice, very nice.
1:01:03 > 1:01:06- Tres bon.- Il aime Jim Morrison? - Do you like Jim Morrison?
1:01:06 > 1:01:07Not really, no.
1:01:10 > 1:01:13It's a touristical thing to do, that's all.
1:01:35 > 1:01:37What is it?
1:01:48 > 1:01:50Well, he's keying the car. It's right on the sidewalk!
1:01:50 > 1:01:52What is that, a French ticket? You can just...
1:01:52 > 1:01:55- Is it legal here to key the... - No, it's a car parked
1:01:55 > 1:01:57on the sidewalk. It's his thing, OK?
1:01:59 > 1:02:02- Oh, no, no.- Oh, he's going to key that one, yeah.
1:02:02 > 1:02:04Well, hey, stop the man!
1:02:04 > 1:02:06What do you mean, "stop the man"? I can't stop him!
1:02:06 > 1:02:08Then let's run or something! Come on.
1:02:12 > 1:02:14Can we pick up the pace a little bit?
1:02:14 > 1:02:16- Car bad.- Car bad, yeah...
1:02:16 > 1:02:19- He doesn't like cars. - Apparently, no, he's a...
1:02:19 > 1:02:21Pollution.
1:02:21 > 1:02:23- Huh?- Pollution.- Pollution, yeah.
1:02:23 > 1:02:24Well, you should run for office.
1:02:40 > 1:02:43- No sleep, no sleep.- OK. - I went to a party. Soiree.- No slip?
1:02:43 > 1:02:46- Soiree.- Slip?- No sleep.
1:02:46 > 1:02:48No slip.
1:02:51 > 1:02:54- Ooh, la, la!- Oh, Jack!
1:02:54 > 1:02:57Oh, God! Oh, my God.
1:02:57 > 1:02:59Oh, my God, that's so disturbing.
1:02:59 > 1:03:01Look what the French did to Babe!
1:03:01 > 1:03:03Oh, it's so sad!
1:03:03 > 1:03:06Jack! Look, look, look!
1:03:10 > 1:03:14- Tongue of veal. Look at this. - Yeah. No, I see. It's...- Oh, my God.
1:03:14 > 1:03:16I can see it, yeah.
1:03:16 > 1:03:19- Agneau de lait.- Hm?
1:03:19 > 1:03:23Agneau de lait. Baaa! Baaa!
1:03:23 > 1:03:25- Oh!- Baby lamb. Baby lamb.
1:03:25 > 1:03:29That's sweet, the way he personifies the skinned baby animal...
1:03:32 > 1:03:34Uh, I'm not doing so well.
1:03:34 > 1:03:38- Really?- Yeah. I feel like I might have to go back to the apartment.- Oh.
1:03:38 > 1:03:41OK. You're feeling a little sick. OK. I'm sorry.
1:03:41 > 1:03:46I stayed up till four watching M, and I'm starting to get paranoid, all the people and the skinned animals.
1:03:46 > 1:03:48I feel like I'm going to get lynched, y'know?
1:03:54 > 1:03:56Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1:03:56 > 1:03:57But I love this place very much.
1:03:57 > 1:03:59- I love it so much.- OK, OK.
1:03:59 > 1:04:03- OK, you take care. OK. All right, you feel better.- Yeah.
1:04:03 > 1:04:06- You've got the keys, booby, right? - Bye bye. Au revoir.
1:04:45 > 1:04:47You don't tell your mother about this, OK?
1:05:04 > 1:05:07Oh, they're still at the market. I just came back to take a shower.
1:05:11 > 1:05:14That's so nice of you. Very nice. Very nice.
1:05:14 > 1:05:20Jeannot very angry with me, mad at me, because
1:05:20 > 1:05:22of Jim Morrison.
1:05:22 > 1:05:24He doesn't like The Doors?
1:05:24 > 1:05:27Because me with Jim, euh...
1:05:29 > 1:05:31- Yes.- You...
1:05:33 > 1:05:36- Oui.- You and J... Oh!
1:05:39 > 1:05:41In '69.
1:05:41 > 1:05:46Many people were very happy with their body.
1:05:47 > 1:05:51- Sex fun, everyone with everyone.- Oh!
1:05:51 > 1:05:53Oh, the mother's a slut, too.
1:05:53 > 1:05:56Oh, I see.
1:05:56 > 1:05:59No, that's a beautiful story. It's very beautiful.
1:05:59 > 1:06:00And do you know...
1:06:03 > 1:06:07- For women?- Oh, women's lib, yeah.
1:06:08 > 1:06:10I was one. Do you know that?
1:06:10 > 1:06:12Oh, you were...
1:06:12 > 1:06:16- Oh, I see, I see. - Can you pass me the cat, please?
1:06:16 > 1:06:20- Oh, Jean Luc? Oh!- Jean Luc? - I think he's...- Ah, he's here.
1:06:20 > 1:06:22- Excuse moi.- Au revoir.- Bye bye!
1:06:22 > 1:06:25Au revoir, au revoir. Merci.
1:06:27 > 1:06:28You got the door?
1:06:30 > 1:06:32Unbelievable.
1:07:31 > 1:07:32It's Music Day today.
1:07:34 > 1:07:38It's like people play around, they play music everywhere.
1:07:38 > 1:07:41- Oh.- It's a special day.
1:07:41 > 1:07:43We should walk around, no?
1:07:48 > 1:07:49Grizzly?
1:08:00 > 1:08:02You brought your camera.
1:08:02 > 1:08:04Yeah, I might take a few photos.
1:08:29 > 1:08:31What are you going to eat?
1:08:31 > 1:08:34- I'm not really hungry. - You don't want to eat anything?
1:08:34 > 1:08:37- No.- Are you sure?
1:08:37 > 1:08:39Mm hm.
1:08:55 > 1:08:57- What?- Nothing. I'm just saying hello.
1:08:57 > 1:08:59Do you know these guys?
1:08:59 > 1:09:00Just a little bit.
1:09:08 > 1:09:11Can I just get a bowl of ground glass?
1:09:11 > 1:09:12Pardon?
1:09:25 > 1:09:30I'm Jack. Enchante.
1:09:31 > 1:09:33See, that's how we do it in America.
1:09:33 > 1:09:34- One second.- OK.
1:10:00 > 1:10:03- Should I leave?- I'm sorry, sweetie. It's going to be fine.
1:10:03 > 1:10:06Why don't you just tell me what's going on, as a courtesy?
1:10:06 > 1:10:08No? Nothing. OK. This is fun.
1:10:17 > 1:10:19OK... OK.
1:10:19 > 1:10:20Non, ca va, tout va bien.
1:11:22 > 1:11:25- What's going on?- It's OK. I'm fine.
1:11:25 > 1:11:27- What are you doing?- I'm fine. - What are you doing?- I'm fine.
1:11:27 > 1:11:29I'm fine. Ca va. C'est bon.
1:11:32 > 1:11:36I'm OK, sweetie. I'm OK, I'm totally cool.
1:11:36 > 1:11:37Everything's in control.
1:11:44 > 1:11:46Thanks. Thank you.
1:11:46 > 1:11:49Thanks a lot.
1:11:52 > 1:11:54- What? - What the hell is wrong with you?
1:11:54 > 1:11:57OK, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
1:11:57 > 1:11:59Honestly, I mean, you're like a crazy person.
1:11:59 > 1:12:01- Don't say that!- You had crazy eyes!
1:12:01 > 1:12:04I mean, what are you? Are you Mike Tyson? You're Mike Tyson!
1:12:04 > 1:12:07- I'm not Mike Tyson!- I'm dating Mike Tyson!- No, you're not.
1:12:07 > 1:12:12I... It was a guy I dated that did something so horrible.
1:12:12 > 1:12:14No, no, listen to me. It's so horrible.
1:12:14 > 1:12:16- What? - It was not like a regular thing.
1:12:16 > 1:12:18When?
1:12:18 > 1:12:20Seven years ago.
1:12:20 > 1:12:21Seven years ago?
1:12:21 > 1:12:24And you're still this pissed? Man!
1:12:24 > 1:12:27He did something despicable. He represents everything I hate.
1:12:27 > 1:12:31He's part of this little bourgeoisie, and he did something that is so wrong...
1:12:31 > 1:12:32Oh, here we go, here we go. Right, OK.
1:12:32 > 1:12:34You know, lying and doing terrible things.
1:12:34 > 1:12:37I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care!
1:12:37 > 1:12:39- Like, this post colonial bullshit. - I don't care.
1:12:39 > 1:12:41I don't care. It doesn't warrant that kind of behaviour. OK?
1:12:41 > 1:12:45You have an impulse control disorder, and you need to be medicated.
1:12:45 > 1:12:46That's the problem here.
1:12:46 > 1:12:48I was in control.
1:12:48 > 1:12:51I was just... I was, like...
1:12:51 > 1:12:55OK, I was angry. I was angry. But I'll never get angry again.
1:12:55 > 1:12:57I lost my temper because he did something so wrong.
1:12:57 > 1:12:59He had sex with children.
1:13:00 > 1:13:02You know how to pick 'em, honey!
1:13:02 > 1:13:05I think it was wrong to throw us out like this.
1:13:05 > 1:13:07You think it was wrong to throw us out?
1:13:07 > 1:13:11We're lucky we don't get shot, the two of us. I mean, honestly!
1:13:11 > 1:13:13Well, they don't shoot people in France.
1:13:13 > 1:13:15That's bullshit. That's another fallacy.
1:13:15 > 1:13:17But anyway, um, so,
1:13:17 > 1:13:20so that was another ex.
1:13:20 > 1:13:22- Yeah.- All right. No big deal.
1:13:22 > 1:13:25I mean, right, run into a couple of exes. That's not a big deal, right?
1:13:25 > 1:13:28- Yeah. Why would it be a big deal? - Is an affair a big deal?
1:13:28 > 1:13:29Is that a big deal to you?
1:13:29 > 1:13:31- Yes, of course.- OK.
1:13:31 > 1:13:36- What?- So is the affair with this guy a big deal?- Who?
1:13:36 > 1:13:37With Mathieu?
1:13:40 > 1:13:42- What?- Mm hm.
1:13:43 > 1:13:45I left my phone in Paris.
1:13:45 > 1:13:49You know? That's why I picked it up when we came from New York to drop the cat, right?
1:13:49 > 1:13:51- Uh huh.- So... So, I left it...
1:13:51 > 1:13:54My mum gave it to my sister, and she had an affair with him.
1:13:54 > 1:13:56So he left it for my sister.
1:13:56 > 1:13:59- Right.- The messages.- Right, right. OK, not bad, not bad, not bad.
1:13:59 > 1:14:03Um, try this one, though, with just slightly more feeling. I'm not quite sure I bought that one.
1:14:03 > 1:14:05I mean, honestly, do you think I'm an idi...
1:14:05 > 1:14:08You must think I'm the stupidest person on the planet.
1:14:08 > 1:14:12You expect me to believe we're a victim of some sort of little French farce here?
1:14:12 > 1:14:15And your poor little sister you're going to turn into a scapegoat?
1:14:15 > 1:14:17I mean, honey, that girl's got enough problems.
1:14:17 > 1:14:21She's busy turning dozens of children into serial killers right now. She's very busy.
1:14:21 > 1:14:24OK, you're right. You're right. I did have a thing with Mathieu
1:14:24 > 1:14:27two years ago, but it was nothing serious.
1:14:27 > 1:14:29It was before I met you, so it doesn't count.
1:14:29 > 1:14:30OK? It doesn't mean anything.
1:14:30 > 1:14:33You know what? You know what I'm starting to believe?
1:14:33 > 1:14:37I'm starting to believe there is a small world theory but it applies to your sex life.
1:14:37 > 1:14:38And it wasn't two years ago, honey.
1:14:38 > 1:14:40I don't know what the fuck these things say,
1:14:40 > 1:14:43but I know that they were in January, OK? And that they're horrible.
1:14:43 > 1:14:44Monsieur, monsieur?
1:14:48 > 1:14:50See? They were bad. They were bad.
1:14:50 > 1:14:52- Why are you doing this? - These are bad!- I didn't lie.
1:14:52 > 1:14:56You know, he kept on sending me messages even after...
1:14:56 > 1:14:59It was nothing, and he keeps sending messages.
1:14:59 > 1:15:02I mean, it's actually funny. Some of them are really funny.
1:15:02 > 1:15:04Let me translate the humour to you.
1:15:04 > 1:15:07It's funny. It's not like serious sex messages.
1:15:07 > 1:15:09- So you lied.- I don't lie!
1:15:09 > 1:15:14I was protecting you. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, all right?
1:15:14 > 1:15:15I lied.
1:15:15 > 1:15:20I lied just on that, but please trust me, I didn't do anything bad.
1:15:20 > 1:15:23I didn't do anything bad. I didn't cheat on you!
1:15:23 > 1:15:25But how do I know? How can I even believe you any more?
1:15:25 > 1:15:28How do I know what's bad, anyway, to you? I mean, honestly.
1:15:28 > 1:15:31In France, apparently, maybe having a little anal sex on the side
1:15:31 > 1:15:34is like, y'know, going fishing or playing a little Scrabble.
1:15:34 > 1:15:37OK, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Trust me, the messages mean nothing to me.
1:15:37 > 1:15:39It's just messages. I didn't do anything bad.
1:15:39 > 1:15:41- Please, we're in Paris. - Oh, no, no, no, no. No, we're not.
1:15:41 > 1:15:44No, we're not. We're not in Paris. WE'RE IN HELL!
1:15:46 > 1:15:49- Say it.- Say what?- Say I'm a whore.
1:15:49 > 1:15:50I'm a whore.
1:15:50 > 1:15:53- I'm a whore.- I'm a whore! - No, I'm a whore! Just say it!
1:15:53 > 1:15:56- No, I'm a whore!- Just say it. What, you don't want to say it?
1:15:56 > 1:15:59You want to stay the friendly John Wayne guy, right?
1:15:59 > 1:16:00John Wayne!
1:16:00 > 1:16:03You want to be the good guy always?
1:16:03 > 1:16:05I'm the Indian!
1:16:06 > 1:16:10Yes! That's me. Well, let me break the news to you.
1:16:10 > 1:16:13It's not your cock that's too big for French condoms.
1:16:13 > 1:16:15It's your ego that's too big for French condoms.
1:16:15 > 1:16:18And Italian condoms, too.
1:16:20 > 1:16:22Not bad.
1:16:38 > 1:16:41Why did I say that? That was so stupid.
1:16:51 > 1:16:53Bonjour. Bonjour. Okey dokey...
1:16:53 > 1:16:59Uh, can I get a double cheeseburger, a large fries and a Pepsi?
1:17:01 > 1:17:04- Uh, no English?- Non.
1:17:04 > 1:17:07Right. Uh, A, uh, moo, moo!
1:17:09 > 1:17:10Right? Double.
1:17:10 > 1:17:15Deux, y'know. And then large fries.
1:17:15 > 1:17:18And a Pepsi, cos Pepsi's got to be the same in every language.
1:17:25 > 1:17:27Oh! This thing. This, this.
1:17:27 > 1:17:31- Ca?- I mean, I don't want to eat the paper, but the food on the paper.
1:17:31 > 1:17:33- C'est ca? - The food on the paper, yeah.
1:17:35 > 1:17:36Merci.
1:17:40 > 1:17:44There we go, some European money. Were you pissed about the franc?
1:17:44 > 1:17:46That thing must have kind of upset you, huh?
1:17:48 > 1:17:49Voila. Perfect.
1:17:49 > 1:17:51- Thank you. I hate Paris.- Au revoir.
1:18:06 > 1:18:08- Hi.- Hi.
1:18:08 > 1:18:10Can I sit with you?
1:18:12 > 1:18:13Uh, OK.
1:18:22 > 1:18:28This fast food chain has half the animals still alive when they are skinned.
1:18:28 > 1:18:31Everything you're eating is genetically modified.
1:18:31 > 1:18:34- Your bun has moths in it. - The bun has moths?
1:18:34 > 1:18:36- Mm.- I see.
1:18:40 > 1:18:42Are you having a hard time here language wise?
1:18:42 > 1:18:44The language, the food...
1:18:44 > 1:18:47Uh, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.
1:18:47 > 1:18:49You seem a bit stressed out.
1:18:50 > 1:18:54Uh huh. Yeah, well, I just found out my girlfriend's a slut, so...
1:18:54 > 1:18:57- What do you mean? - She has sex with many men.
1:18:57 > 1:19:01Over and over. For long periods of time.
1:19:01 > 1:19:04For money, probably.
1:19:04 > 1:19:05She can't get enough.
1:19:07 > 1:19:08Good stuff, huh?
1:19:08 > 1:19:10Yeah...
1:19:48 > 1:19:51'I don't know, maybe I'm the asshole. Y'know, maybe I drove her to this.'
1:19:51 > 1:19:55'Y'know, all these accusations, eventually they lead to something.'
1:19:55 > 1:19:59Maybe I don't want to expose myself to her completely, really be honest
1:19:59 > 1:20:04with her, because I'm afraid of hearing what she has to say about her own past and that kind
1:20:04 > 1:20:06of thing. Either way, there's not a true exchange.
1:20:06 > 1:20:11Y'know, it's not real honesty. It sounds stupid, but I've never even admitted to anybody that I've,
1:20:11 > 1:20:13y'know, masturbated, know what I mean?
1:20:13 > 1:20:16I see what you're saying.
1:20:16 > 1:20:18- Mm hm...- But, man,
1:20:18 > 1:20:21love is everything we have.
1:20:21 > 1:20:25See, the world around us is going to shit, and all we have left is each other.
1:20:25 > 1:20:29- Right.- You know I'm a fairy?
1:20:29 > 1:20:32Oh. Yeah, well, I...
1:20:32 > 1:20:36- No, no, like a real fairy. - Oh, a real...- Yeah.- Uh huh.
1:20:36 > 1:20:38You need to go back to her.
1:20:38 > 1:20:43She's not a slut. Maybe you need to be more careful with her, meaning "full of care". Care more.
1:20:43 > 1:20:47At the very end of your life, you'll look back. What will you think of?
1:20:47 > 1:20:50The job you've got or didn't get or the money you made? No.
1:20:50 > 1:20:55You will think mostly of the people you loved and especially of the one woman you loved.
1:20:55 > 1:20:57And even better,
1:20:57 > 1:20:59she'll be right there
1:21:00 > 1:21:02- holding your hand.- Mm hm...
1:21:04 > 1:21:06- Mm hm.- I'll be right back.- OK.
1:22:05 > 1:22:07You're going to have to run.
1:22:07 > 1:22:08Run back to her?
1:22:08 > 1:22:10No, just run. When the alarm goes off, you run.
1:22:10 > 1:22:12- It's a delayed fire. No one ever gets hurt.- Excuse me?
1:22:12 > 1:22:14Here's my number if you need any help. I'm Lukas.
1:22:14 > 1:22:16Jack.
1:22:19 > 1:22:20ALARM GOES OFF
1:23:10 > 1:23:12I ran into Iraq.
1:23:19 > 1:23:21OK... Pardon.
1:23:29 > 1:23:31No, no! Moi Americain. No, I don't.
1:23:31 > 1:23:33I speak English. English!
1:23:33 > 1:23:36Oh, the guy!
1:23:36 > 1:23:37He went over there.
1:23:40 > 1:23:44No, no, no, no, no!
1:23:44 > 1:23:46No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no!
1:23:46 > 1:23:47No, no! Comedy of errors.
1:23:49 > 1:23:52I'm an interior designer, for fuck's sake!
1:23:52 > 1:23:54MARION!
1:24:18 > 1:24:22Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You guys have been terrific.
1:24:25 > 1:24:28I don't know what you're saying, but you have a wonderful singing voice.
1:25:55 > 1:25:57Hi.
1:28:02 > 1:28:04Hey.
1:28:08 > 1:28:10I don't know you.
1:28:11 > 1:28:15What are you talking about? Are you drunk?
1:28:15 > 1:28:20I was sitting at this fast food restaurant,
1:28:20 > 1:28:24and I'm holding hands with this fairy right before he sets the place on fire, y'know?
1:28:24 > 1:28:26A fairy?
1:28:26 > 1:28:28I don't mean like a gay person.
1:28:28 > 1:28:30Y'know, like, from heaven. Y'know?
1:28:30 > 1:28:31- Or a schizophrenic vegan...- Uh huh.
1:28:31 > 1:28:36maybe. He hated fast food. I realised something so basic, I mean SO basic.
1:28:39 > 1:28:42- I don't know you. - You don't know me?- No!
1:28:42 > 1:28:47'To sum up the four hours of discussion that followed, it's not easy being in a relationship,
1:28:47 > 1:28:53'much less to truly know the other one and accept them as they are, with all their flaws and baggage.'
1:28:53 > 1:28:55- "Marion."- You shaved an M?
1:28:55 > 1:28:59'Jack confessed to me his fear of being rejected if I truly knew him,
1:28:59 > 1:29:01'if he showed himself totally bare to me.
1:29:02 > 1:29:08'Jack realised after two years of being with me that he didn't know me at all, nor did I know him, and
1:29:08 > 1:29:14'to truly love each other we needed to know the truth about each other, even if it's not so easy to take.
1:29:14 > 1:29:18'So I told him the truth, which was I'd never cheated on him,
1:29:18 > 1:29:22'and I also told him that I'd just seen Mathieu that afternoon.
1:29:22 > 1:29:25'He did not get mad at me, because nothing had happened, of course.
1:29:25 > 1:29:30'I confessed to Jack that the toughest thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good.
1:29:30 > 1:29:31I understand that completely.
1:29:31 > 1:29:34'The idea that this is it, this is the man I'm going to
1:29:34 > 1:29:36'spend the rest of my life with, to decide that I will make the
1:29:36 > 1:29:42'effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem is very difficult for me.
1:29:42 > 1:29:47'I told him I could not be for just one man for the rest of my life.
1:29:47 > 1:29:50'It was a lie, but I said it anyway.
1:29:50 > 1:29:55'He asked me if I thought I was a squirrel, collecting men like nuts to put away for cold winters.
1:29:55 > 1:29:59'I thought it was quite funny.
1:29:59 > 1:30:02'Then he said something that hurt my feelings.
1:30:02 > 1:30:05'The tone changed drastically.
1:30:05 > 1:30:08'Then I misunderstood what he was saying.
1:30:08 > 1:30:12'I thought he meant he didn't love me any more and that he wanted to break up.
1:30:12 > 1:30:19'It always fascinates me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all. Nothing.
1:30:19 > 1:30:21'It hurts so much.
1:30:21 > 1:30:25'When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency
1:30:25 > 1:30:28'to break up first, before I get to hear the whole thing.
1:30:32 > 1:30:36'Here it is. One more, one less.
1:30:36 > 1:30:38'Another wasted love story.
1:30:38 > 1:30:39'I really loved this one.
1:30:39 > 1:30:44'When I think that it's over, that I'll never see him again like this...
1:30:44 > 1:30:48'Well, yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and
1:30:48 > 1:30:51'girlfriend, act as if we had never been together.
1:30:51 > 1:30:58'Then we'll slowly think of each other less and less, until we forget each other completely.
1:30:58 > 1:31:00'Almost.
1:31:00 > 1:31:05'Always the same for me - break up, break down. Drink up, fool around.
1:31:05 > 1:31:09'Meet one guy then another, fuck around to forget the one and only.
1:31:09 > 1:31:12'Then, after a few months of total emptiness,
1:31:12 > 1:31:19'start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere, and after two years of loneliness
1:31:19 > 1:31:24'meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.
1:31:52 > 1:31:56'There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break up.
1:31:59 > 1:32:06'And even if this person bugs you sixty per cent of the time, well, you still can't live without him.
1:32:07 > 1:32:13'And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face,
1:32:13 > 1:32:18'well, you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses.'
1:33:10 > 1:33:12# I wanna dance like we used to
1:33:12 > 1:33:15# When it was pure, when it was new
1:33:16 > 1:33:19# Love me whole, like I love you
1:33:19 > 1:33:21# I wanna be free, but free with you
1:33:21 > 1:33:25# I wanna dance like we used to
1:33:25 > 1:33:28# And not worry about you and me
1:33:28 > 1:33:30# We're gonna die of global warming
1:33:30 > 1:33:33# Or avian flu or quitting smoking
1:33:33 > 1:33:39# I want to stay here for a while
1:33:40 > 1:33:45# Until it's time to let go
1:33:47 > 1:33:51# I'd like to really take my time
1:33:51 > 1:33:57# Explore all that comes to mind
1:33:59 > 1:34:01# I'd like to dance like we used to
1:34:01 > 1:34:04# Before the new world order ruled... #