0:00:02 > 0:00:08THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Yes, it is a true story.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13About two pieces of Moscow scum.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19- Nyet.- Nyet.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23They tried to avoid the Russian Army
0:00:23 > 0:00:28and so began an adventure which didn't always go according to plan.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31At least, they had a plan.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35'Our target is to gain 2,000 each.
0:00:37 > 0:00:42'Me to start a band. Spiker so he can marry his childhood sweetheart.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47'We decided to go to Los Angeles,
0:00:47 > 0:00:49'where the women are beautiful
0:00:49 > 0:00:52'and anyone can own a Mercedes within six months.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56'But unfortunately, we cannot afford it.'
0:00:59 > 0:01:02We would like to visit the birthplace of Shakespeare,
0:01:02 > 0:01:06- Sid Vicious, Sherlock Holmes and the Yellow Submarine.- The Beatles?
0:01:06 > 0:01:10'Instead, we opted for London.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16'The world's fourth largest economy has the most even distribution of wealth,
0:01:16 > 0:01:20'a free healthcare and welfare system and is a haven for fraudsters.'
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Only £400 between the two of you?
0:02:27 > 0:02:31'Sergei is Cobakka's childhood friend who has done OK.'
0:02:31 > 0:02:34You have to look and sound English.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Or you will be shot for being a terrorist.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54This is Cobakka and Spiker.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57They're going to be staying here for a few days.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59They're going to be millionaires.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02You want we sleep here?!
0:03:13 > 0:03:16This is the house.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20It's a nice house, isn't it?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Oi, oi, oi!
0:03:25 > 0:03:27You are living in a very nice area now.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32You must be like English gentlemen, not Russian scum.
0:03:36 > 0:03:41Why can we not stay in the house? I thought you say this guy not here?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Too risky. This is Neighbourhood Watch area. Poshli!
0:03:45 > 0:03:50'Let me explain something about this Neighbourhood Watch scheme.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52'Pavlik Morozov was a hero of Stalin's time.
0:03:52 > 0:03:58'Because he informed the authorities that his father was hiding wheat from the Bolsheviks,
0:03:58 > 0:04:01'his father was taken away and shot.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06'His photo now hangs in every classroom of Soviet Union as an example to us all.'
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Look!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Your very own place.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15If you need to piss, you use the broken window.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19For the more serious problems, you use the wallpaper
0:04:19 > 0:04:22or look, paper plates. Mmm!
0:04:22 > 0:04:24OK, and if we get caught?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26I'll give you two numbers.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31If you want to go legit, call Patrick.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34He has a job agency.
0:04:34 > 0:04:39If you want to use the other route, and only if all else fails,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42you call Artash.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45But only if you're absolutely desperate.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53'To rip off British Isles, you need first to have bank account.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58'Deposit some money, then you get chequebook and card,
0:04:58 > 0:05:00'which you report stolen.
0:05:00 > 0:05:05'Then cash cheques as fast as possible in series of dodgy outfits.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06'This is the plan.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14'Do not ask for overdraft or credit card.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16'You may as well just rob the bank.'
0:05:16 > 0:05:20'Ask for savings, it sounds like they're going to hold on to your money.'
0:05:20 > 0:05:26- And proof of earnings? - I have some money, £200.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30I will have a job in two or three days.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35Good. Right, you will need a proof of address.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Council tax bill or a utility bill and employment papers.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I cannot open bank account right now?
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Not today.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47But don't worry, it will only take a couple of months.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49A couple of months?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53You might be able to open up a student account quicker.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Are you a student?
0:05:56 > 0:06:00I would like to join your learning establishment.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04'A student account guarantees you a £100 loan plus overdraft.'
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Do you have any proof of your qualifications?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Give me a test.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15What colour are my eyes?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Brown.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Beautiful, chocolate brown.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26What are you hoping to study?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Capitalism.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31'London is crazy expensive.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35'First you need to find the means to get about town with no money.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43'There is usually some genetic garbage by the gate.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45'When you get caught...'
0:06:45 > 0:06:47I don't have any more money on me.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52'That is the great thing about this island...' My address.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57'..the presumption of innocence means they assume you will pay.'
0:06:59 > 0:07:01You have any experience?
0:07:01 > 0:07:06SPEAKS VERY QUICKLY IN STRONG IRISH ACCENT
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Do you speak English?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Do you?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Can we have subtitles, please?
0:07:38 > 0:07:41We can't get an apartment without a job.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43You can't get a job with no work visa.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Believe me, in this country, money can buy you anything.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50Even a bloody knighthood.
0:07:50 > 0:07:56- You just have to have the cash. - Without work, we can't get the money.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00You can use my ID for, let's say, 50%.
0:08:00 > 0:08:0350%? Half everything?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05You have to think big.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09I didn't get to where I was by scraping by,
0:08:09 > 0:08:11living the life of a refugee.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13I'm not a refugee.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17What I mean is, you have to learn to stand on your own two feet.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Don't rely on friends. Since I came here,
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- not once did I ask to borrow money from anybody. - You begged on the streets?
0:08:25 > 0:08:33No, I showed the people of London my magic tricks on the streets for a while because I am an artist.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36What I am saying, you have to be careful how you spend your money.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Everybody is trying to rip you off.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42People are all on the make.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46The main thing is that you stay focused
0:08:46 > 0:08:48and remember why you came here.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Stick to it, don't spend your money stupidly.
0:08:50 > 0:08:56In the meantime, you have to work to live.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00Like I'm saying, I will cash your cheques for you.
0:09:01 > 0:09:07- SPEAKS RUSSIAN - Business is business.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17GLASS SMASHES
0:09:19 > 0:09:21MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- What?- The third time you've fucking let me down.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36It's 7.30. Just get there, OK?
0:09:36 > 0:09:41- Same fucking message, 7.30, just get down there.- Where it is?
0:09:41 > 0:09:47- Look, it's Weston fucking Street, do you hear me?- Yes, we hear.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50If you don't make it, I'll rip your fucking legs off and beat you round the fucking head with them!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53It's like I say, I tell you, I will be there.
0:09:53 > 0:09:59- 7.30, all right?- Where exactly? - 37 Weston Street. Just get there now, it's 7.30.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04VOICE CONTINUES TO BABBLE
0:10:04 > 0:10:08MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Hello.
0:10:22 > 0:10:29I told Patrick I don't allow lateness, drugs or alcohol on the premises.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31But I am 10 minutes late only.
0:10:31 > 0:10:3410 minutes today, 20 tomorrow, before we know it,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37you're having a week off and I'm paying for yesterday.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41I can sustain many, many hardships. I can...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44..a-tone. A-tone?
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Yeah, well a-tone somewhere else.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49But I have 38p left only.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54You better not have afternoon tea at the Ritz, then.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56I just want proof for employment.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59You don't work here.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Yes, but Patrick say...
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Patrick is not the boss, I am.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- You don't work here.- But I work...
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- Fuck you, man.- You don't need that attitude, either.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Hi.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Hi, I'm Tony. You can work over there.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I'm sure you two can share stories about the war, eh?
0:11:22 > 0:11:27MUSIC: "Bhindi Bhagee" by Joe Strummer & the Mescaleros
0:11:27 > 0:11:29# Well, I was walkin' down the high road
0:11:31 > 0:11:36# And this guy stops me
0:11:36 > 0:11:38# He'd just got in from New Zealand
0:11:39 > 0:11:42# And he was looking for mushy peas
0:11:46 > 0:11:53# I said, no, we don't really got 'em round here... #
0:11:57 > 0:12:01The shops, they are open all night?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03You're hammered.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19- You have your tea voucher with you? - I come for a job.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- Do you have a work permit?- No.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Then I'm afraid you can't work here, dear.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Just some tea then, please.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30I'm afraid this hostel is just for British people.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33I just want tea, a biscuit maybe.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37If you go to the Committee for Refugees and seek asylum,
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- then you can get a free blanket. - I am not refugee.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43How am I supposed to eat while I wait for you and your bureaucracy?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45I am not asylum seeker!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Charity begins at home.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I don't have a home.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Why do they always send Eastern Europeans?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I am from Moscow.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Did you run all the way? Go and clean the toilet.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40What? No! What? What the fucking... Hey! Fuck!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Hey, hey!
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Don't bother with the toilets.
0:13:45 > 0:13:51This is typical refugee behaviour. They deserve to live in shit.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Where are you from?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Afghanistan.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59I had to run from the Taliban.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03I sold my house for 10,000.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Then I crossed Europe.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Now my house is worth half a million.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12All the poppy farmers are rich.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16And I have a degree in political science.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Half of my friends, they work for the government, and look where I am.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24These refugees, they lead a parasitical existence
0:14:24 > 0:14:26at the expense of the state
0:14:26 > 0:14:30and they get shipped out to some obscure town in the country
0:14:30 > 0:14:32where nobody gives a shit about.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- You heard of Bi-cester?- No.
0:14:35 > 0:14:41I would thank you to note that Bicester is a thriving traditional Saxon market town.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45We didn't ask for 10,000 immigrants to be put here.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52So, you're homeless?
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Spider?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- We haven't got any money. - It's OK, he's my brother.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02I ain't doing you both.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04It's OK, I am gay.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Fancy some jerk chicken and some plantain?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Did you want anything? It's all fresh.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Oh yes, please. It's most agreeable.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- No, sorry.- What's the matter with you, you prefer men or something?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Sorry, I have a girlfriend.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- I love her. We get married. - So, why are you here then?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56It's quieter than Heathrow.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18'I can't blame Spider and I can't talk anymore because I'm too tired.
0:16:18 > 0:16:23'Tired of England, tired of the smell of curry and tired of myself.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27'How can a man be tired of life at just 23?'
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Maybe we should call Artash.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43And how must you describe our situation? Hmm?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51'Artash - beady-eyed owl who spends most of his free time
0:16:51 > 0:16:54'looking for loopholes in British legal system.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56'His perfect Oxford pronunciation helps him
0:16:56 > 0:17:00'defraud everyone and anyone, including his own grandfather.
0:17:00 > 0:17:06'After staging a burglary in his house,
0:17:06 > 0:17:11'Artash squandered 4,000 of his grandfather's pounds in two days.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13'And his father is millionaire.'
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I find job but they take 50%.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I live for 30.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24- 10.- Income tax is 25, all right?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26I'm the one taking the risk. 30.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32What risk? Sergei says says you never work.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I only don't work out of principle.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Forget it.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I'll teach you how to make money, all right, here and now.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45OK, inside here, OK, go to HMV, all right, go inside,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47go to the CDs, take the CDs, a lot of them,
0:17:47 > 0:17:51not the cheapest ones, go to the counter, not right to the counter,
0:17:51 > 0:17:53act normal, put the CDs inside, get out.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57'He was a professional parasite, worked every scheme in the book,
0:17:57 > 0:18:01'presented us with a whole pile of illegal opportunities.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03'We were blown away.'
0:18:03 > 0:18:08First, you need to convince them that you are a child of this goddamn island. Da?
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Good. Watch and learn.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Thank you very much, lady, have a nice day.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27See? All you have to do is smile and be charming.
0:18:29 > 0:18:34Bags. Your bags.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Please, I have children.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Excellent. Bags.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- I have money.- Yes, please.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- Your car is this way.- You can't take the car. My husband'll kill me.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Why do you stay with this man?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08# Down in the valley there's a long legged queen
0:19:12 > 0:19:16# She's got hair like a knot and she twists and screams
0:19:19 > 0:19:21# She spends her days living in despair
0:19:27 > 0:19:30# Waiting for her knight Have you seen him, where?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36# Yes, well you sit on your throne... #
0:19:36 > 0:19:40So simple, even a child can do it.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Teach me how to steal cars.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19You cannot drive.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29Well?
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Envelopes.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38You cannot live on envelopes.
0:20:39 > 0:20:45Still, you can write home and tell all your friends of your momentous achievement.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Fuck you.
0:21:00 > 0:21:05'To get mobile phone, you first need proof of address.'
0:21:05 > 0:21:07And now I declare you officially employed.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10'Anything will do, they never check.'
0:21:10 > 0:21:13And you can find all the clients you need in here.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17'And one copy of Loot, a London listings paper full of clients.'
0:21:17 > 0:21:19How do you know the police don't make adverts in here?
0:21:19 > 0:21:24Because this is the British Isles, and the presumption of innocence is king here.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27'You need to get as many mobile phones as possible.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31'They are worth at least £30 each phone.'
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Hey.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Hello.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10HE LAUGHS
0:22:20 > 0:22:27- Look, man, they are worth more than this. - Don't give me that crap, man.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31You're a nobody, we all know that. Take the money and clear off before I break your mother's heart.
0:22:31 > 0:22:38- Thank you. You're very, very nice people.- Of course. We are very kind.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40HE LAUGHS
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Thank you.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56So, this should be enough for a deposit.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Plus some spending money.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05OK, £365 from you in cheques.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09And £250 handed out by me to you in cash.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13I will hold on to the rest and start a savings account for you guys.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16If we need money, how can we get it?
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Do you want success for the band?
0:23:20 > 0:23:22That's money, OK?
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Do you want a big white wedding?
0:23:23 > 0:23:27That's a lot of money. Besides, if I give you the money now, you'll just spend it.
0:23:27 > 0:23:32I'm saving it up for you guys. My father is a millionaire. What could I possibly want from you?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35I'm taking care of you guys, come on.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39It's mine, thank you.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44OK? Spend the money carefully, all right?
0:23:46 > 0:23:50'For a utility bill, you need an address,
0:23:50 > 0:23:55'so get yourself an A-Z and decide which environs are most appealing and applicable.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01'When you realise you cannot afford such a location, head off to Alperton.'
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- What made you choose this area? - It chose us.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19So, you wish to rent this armpit in order to install a telephone line,
0:24:19 > 0:24:23which will provide you with a verifiable domestic bill
0:24:23 > 0:24:27and complementary calls to Moscow for a month,
0:24:27 > 0:24:31before the bill, which you have no intention of paying, arrives?
0:24:31 > 0:24:32We went over this already.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Yes, but you have to explain it twice for the American audience.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40I'm Dennis and this is the room.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44You need a room to get a job and a bank account, from where you can put
0:24:44 > 0:24:48your money into your account, so as not to raise suspicion,
0:24:48 > 0:24:50and then launder it mercilessly.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58You only have half the deposit, you see, so your choices are limited.
0:25:02 > 0:25:07- What is the smell?- What smell?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31When you don't pay bill, phone will be disconnected
0:25:31 > 0:25:34and the company will call asking for payment.
0:25:34 > 0:25:39But you will no longer be there or, ideally, in the British Isles.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41What is that smell?
0:25:43 > 0:25:46I carry out revision of the armpit fridge.
0:25:49 > 0:25:55I need to remember what food smell like this, will never by mistake steal from Paki shop.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00The question remains,
0:26:00 > 0:26:04where does this terrifying stench like rotting garbage come from?
0:26:09 > 0:26:11I think I found it.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Great. Not only armpit but imam armpit.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Their food stinks.
0:26:25 > 0:26:31There is nothing to steal in the shops, as all counters are covered in piles of slimy brown crap.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37I simultaneously want to puke, to shoot myself and drop napalm bombs
0:26:37 > 0:26:43on this little area full of unshaven dirty barbarians in cheap clothes.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46The armpit is simply too smelly to sleep in.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54I have utility bill.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56I can make bank account right now.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02Right. I still need to see proof of employment.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05This is crazy.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08I just wanted bank account so I can put some money.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11How am I supposed to go somewhere in this country?
0:27:28 > 0:27:30How is the job-hunting going?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Great. There is a shortage of Eastern Europeans in London.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Why do you want to work here? Everyone hates it.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42So I can complete bank fraud.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Well, why didn't you say so?
0:27:46 > 0:27:51Look, if I make you the night security guard,
0:27:51 > 0:27:52you sleep here, right?
0:27:52 > 0:27:55- Yes.- For extra security.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56- Yes.- Alone.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Alone, of course alone.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02You need to have a bath, you absolutely stink.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09There's a nice jacket in my locker in case you get lucky.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14No drink or drugs.
0:28:14 > 0:28:19- You have proof of employment for me? - You don't ask for much, do you?
0:28:19 > 0:28:23There's a hard hat and some boots down in that cabin.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25- I go?- Yeah, I'll give you a start.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26- Go on.- OK.
0:28:29 > 0:28:30Hey.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40Make sure there is money in your account,
0:28:40 > 0:28:42so as not to arouse suspicion.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46You'll now have only ten days to wait for your magic card.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51There are many interesting places to see in London.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58We haven't got around to seeing any of them yet.
0:28:58 > 0:28:59But there is still time.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11# Can't take no more of this panic and stress
0:29:11 > 0:29:14# Well, I am living off the DSSS
0:29:14 > 0:29:17# Ain't got the money cos I don't want to work
0:29:17 > 0:29:21# Just sit about and let the hours drift away
0:29:21 > 0:29:23# He tried his hand at a job in a factory
0:29:23 > 0:29:26# But don't take orders off of people that he don't like
0:29:26 > 0:29:30# He can't make up his mind what he wants to be
0:29:30 > 0:29:33# I have to say that I've got to agree
0:29:33 > 0:29:36# Getting lost in London
0:29:36 > 0:29:39# Getting lost in London
0:29:39 > 0:29:43# Getting lost in London
0:29:43 > 0:29:46# Getting lost in London... #
0:29:51 > 0:29:55We got better at stealing though we decided stealing
0:29:55 > 0:29:58could only be qualified like sin when stealing from small shops.
0:29:58 > 0:30:03Large conglomerations which kill off small shops are fair game.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44Hey, lads! Thank you for shopping at Cresco's.
0:30:50 > 0:30:55So, this is a favourite drug of the local citizens
0:30:55 > 0:30:59with a non-traditional sexual orientation, right?
0:30:59 > 0:31:01It is like an axe landing in your skull
0:31:01 > 0:31:05and after that you feel squashed, flat. Try it.
0:31:05 > 0:31:06Try it. Trust me.
0:31:06 > 0:31:10When you're going to see British girl dance, you'll know why.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16OK, guys. This is Misha.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Misha can get you anything you want.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Hi, Misha.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Misha, a real junky fuck.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Puny and pale like death.
0:31:28 > 0:31:33There are dark bags under his eyes like baby Dracula.
0:31:33 > 0:31:37He speaks slowly and moves in space hardly shifting his feet.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39His veins have long gone.
0:31:39 > 0:31:43Instead, he has only thread circling his weak body.
0:31:43 > 0:31:48Unlike Artash, who gets money for heroin by means of dazzling, breathtaking heists,
0:31:48 > 0:31:52this one rats cash from friends, parents, whoever.
0:31:52 > 0:31:57Why do you hang out with this piece of scum?
0:31:57 > 0:31:58I like scum.
0:32:02 > 0:32:07Hey! The girls here, they are like plankton. Trust me.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10Everything will be different in just a little while.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12- Where are you from?- Russia.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15Is it true you still have to queue for toothpaste?
0:32:15 > 0:32:17- No.- Isn't there still a war on? - Always.
0:32:17 > 0:32:21The trouble with communism is it's capitalism under a different banner.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24What Marx saw as Utopia was everybody being able
0:32:24 > 0:32:26to be his own boss without avarice.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29People want more than a simple life. They're greedy.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31You want to get some food?
0:32:32 > 0:32:34- OK.- Bugger off.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58Someone has to take care of the homeless.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00One third of them are ex-forces.
0:33:00 > 0:33:04They served their country and this is how it serves them.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Governments, the way they treat people, it makes me sick.
0:33:09 > 0:33:13Look! I have to get up very early. Please, can we...?
0:33:13 > 0:33:15Wait! I don't know you.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18You were quick enough to come back with me.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20Yes. So I can get to know you.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22At least wait till morning, yes?
0:33:22 > 0:33:24- No.- We can have nice talk.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26I've done the talking bit.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29Well, we can just... Please.
0:33:31 > 0:33:32We can hold each other.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38And you'll sort me out in the morning?
0:33:38 > 0:33:41Yes. Sorting in the morning, right.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52Good morning.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00I'm ready for my sorting.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09Sorry, mother died.
0:34:12 > 0:34:13What are you doing?
0:34:16 > 0:34:17Lying bastard!
0:34:24 > 0:34:27How come you don't sleep here? Are you a terrorist?
0:34:27 > 0:34:32I look at Denis and wonder if he is real genie who has spent 3,000 years
0:34:32 > 0:34:35inside a lamp and would have been there 3,000 years more
0:34:35 > 0:34:37if some stoned mujahedin hadn't let him out.
0:34:37 > 0:34:42How come I don't sleep in the room one metre by one-and-a-half metres?
0:34:42 > 0:34:44Remember, I'm a refugee too.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47I have a sixth sense.
0:34:47 > 0:34:53Listen. From time to time I have to come back to this disgusting
0:34:53 > 0:34:56fart-hole and make my presence known so that you -
0:34:56 > 0:34:59you genetic piece of garbage -
0:34:59 > 0:35:03will keep off my back long enough for me just to collect my post.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Don't worry.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08Soon there will be no shortage of visitors for you.
0:35:08 > 0:35:12First, Dennis, you will be visited by the representatives
0:35:12 > 0:35:14of at least five telephone companies.
0:35:14 > 0:35:15You haven't paid your bills for six months...
0:35:16 > 0:35:20Good day. We're looking for a Mr Tetersky.
0:35:20 > 0:35:24Then a cop will pay a visit and ask all manner of provocative questions.
0:35:24 > 0:35:27I don't ever want to see that man again. Bloody Russian.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31It will result in the realisation that you, brown islander,
0:35:31 > 0:35:32don't pay any taxes.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34I'm totally innocent!
0:35:34 > 0:35:36You've got the wrong man!
0:35:36 > 0:35:38How come you don't sleep here?
0:35:38 > 0:35:41Are you a terrorist?
0:35:41 > 0:35:43Mostly I stay with girlfriend.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Do you think you could provide me with proof?
0:35:57 > 0:36:01Yeah, sure. As long as you're legal to work.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04What would be a problem if I wasn't?
0:36:06 > 0:36:09Come on. I'll give you a ride home.
0:36:10 > 0:36:17# Swimming in the slipstream and the sun will shine
0:36:17 > 0:36:23# Look at the sky It's reeling in the stars
0:36:23 > 0:36:31# See where I am today I want to be where you are... #
0:36:34 > 0:36:38Look, mate. This is all the cash I've got on me.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Take it, yeah.
0:36:43 > 0:36:47Come on! It's only a few groceries, do you know what I mean?
0:36:53 > 0:36:56I want to tell you something.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59Go on, and get out.
0:37:02 > 0:37:07In Russia, I was a racist. I hated blacks.
0:37:07 > 0:37:11THEY LAUGH
0:37:12 > 0:37:15Oh, my days, you kill me!
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Oh!
0:37:21 > 0:37:22It's all right, yeah.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24You can still be a racist.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28No, you...!
0:37:28 > 0:37:31Go on, mate, get out!
0:37:32 > 0:37:33Take the groceries with you.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38- Thank you.- Look after yourself.
0:37:39 > 0:37:43Thank you. See you later.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Donny, the bloke from Jamaica,
0:37:56 > 0:37:59I will remember you until the end of my days.
0:38:10 > 0:38:16Finally, after all your efforts, your beautiful little card arrives.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21First, you report your cheque book stolen.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24That way you get another one sent.
0:38:24 > 0:38:28Each one of these little books is worth £1,150.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32There are different types of cheque points.
0:38:32 > 0:38:34Poke your nose into these little windows
0:38:34 > 0:38:36and watch people cashing cheques.
0:38:36 > 0:38:40Carefully observe the manipulations of each person behind the window.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44If he starts to study the miraculous cards with a perplexed expression
0:38:44 > 0:38:46and dials a number or puts the cards
0:38:46 > 0:38:50into some strange piece of equipment, avoid this checkpoint
0:38:50 > 0:38:51like your worst nightmare.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54You need to find as many of these little windows
0:38:54 > 0:38:56as the number of cheques you possess.
0:38:56 > 0:39:00Never mind if the cheques are from the book you reported as lost,
0:39:00 > 0:39:01they never check.
0:39:01 > 0:39:04You can only cash one cheque per day from each book
0:39:04 > 0:39:07which is why you need several books.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10Thank you very much. Call again.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12I'll be back.
0:39:12 > 0:39:15To speed things up, you can buy something useless
0:39:15 > 0:39:17like building bricks or a dollar,
0:39:17 > 0:39:20which is as close to £50 as possible.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23The following day, go back and return this junk.
0:39:23 > 0:39:27You need to know which shops to go into as some will just provide
0:39:27 > 0:39:31you with idiotic vouchers to buy some rubbish for a similar amount.
0:39:31 > 0:39:36- Sorry. Sister dies. - Have you got a receipt?
0:39:47 > 0:39:48Would you like cashback?
0:39:51 > 0:39:54- Huh?- Cashback?
0:40:03 > 0:40:06- Cash back?- Yes.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08Would you like cashback?
0:40:17 > 0:40:18Um, £30...
0:40:18 > 0:40:20Cashback.
0:40:20 > 0:40:27I don't know lunatic who invented the cashback system which allows you to earn up to £50 a day.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29Goodbye.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33We love you, Tesco!
0:40:38 > 0:40:39Hello.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41How are you?
0:40:45 > 0:40:47Go, go, go!
0:40:47 > 0:40:48Woohoo!
0:40:52 > 0:40:555, 10...
0:40:57 > 0:41:00If all goes to plan, you get two cheque books
0:41:00 > 0:41:01with 23 cheques each book.
0:41:01 > 0:41:09At £50 a day, plus 70 times 23 days of cashback money plus student loan.
0:41:09 > 0:41:13This adds up to 4,550 bucks.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20Be careful not to get too greedy with your magic art.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23You could very easily become state criminal.
0:41:23 > 0:41:27Your face painstakingly recorded in every detail, all over,
0:41:27 > 0:41:33to be seen by your neighbours, your work colleagues and your landlord,
0:41:33 > 0:41:36who, thanks to Neighbourhood Watch, all descend on Scotland Yard,
0:41:36 > 0:41:40falling over themselves in order to give evidence against you.
0:41:40 > 0:41:45When they catch you, you'll be glad you're not in Moscow.
0:42:05 > 0:42:09'Dear Mr Tetersky, we seem not to have received your June payment.
0:42:09 > 0:42:13'Please accept our apologies if the matter has already been dealt with.
0:42:13 > 0:42:18'We thank you again for your business and hope to continue providing you with our services in future.'
0:42:36 > 0:42:39Oh, look! An honest individual.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41Why don't you come into the office?
0:42:41 > 0:42:43We have got a great film to show you.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46- Oh, yeah.- With an international star.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48But I have a ticket.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54Go take a seat.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57There you go.
0:43:07 > 0:43:08Action packed.
0:43:13 > 0:43:14This is my favourite bit.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19- He's a runner.- He'll never make it.
0:43:19 > 0:43:23You want to put that shot in.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32Please don't call the cops.
0:43:32 > 0:43:36I won't phone Her Majesty's police force. I'm going to get you an agent.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52They took all Tony's stuff.
0:43:56 > 0:43:58Fucking thieves.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11I have a job for you.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14Who's the patron saint of the Catholic Church?
0:44:14 > 0:44:15Apaedophilia.
0:44:15 > 0:44:19What do you get for the paedophile who has everything? A bigger parish.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32Are you going to buy that?
0:44:32 > 0:44:35I was going to appropriate it for a little while maybe.
0:44:35 > 0:44:39There are CCTV cameras all over the shop.
0:44:39 > 0:44:43Ah, yes. CCTV. Watched 24 hours a day till we all conform
0:44:43 > 0:44:49to the power of surveillance. I don't read it yet.
0:44:49 > 0:44:51You could buy it.
0:44:51 > 0:44:55Or I can save money and spend on dinner.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57For two maybe.
0:44:57 > 0:44:58I don't want to get in trouble.
0:45:00 > 0:45:02He doesn't have any money.
0:45:04 > 0:45:08I can...bring back next week?
0:45:08 > 0:45:11Just take now. It's easy.
0:45:12 > 0:45:17- So, interesting book? - Mmm. Dali and Picasso. Very nice.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24I don't know how she lose her job.
0:45:24 > 0:45:26She's very cute.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31Maybe.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33She works in a bookshop.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35You didn't get her number.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39- Here.- I don't even start it!
0:45:39 > 0:45:40I thought you were reading something else.
0:45:40 > 0:45:44It's written by fat-ass American in shorts and white sunhat.
0:45:44 > 0:45:48He defiles Empire of Lights with deafening, guttural vernacular,
0:45:48 > 0:45:51clicking camera and hamburger scratch.
0:45:51 > 0:45:55So it didn't conjure up to the exciting images of Nepalese monasteries?
0:45:56 > 0:45:59- No.- How much for this?
0:45:59 > 0:46:01None of these appeal to you?
0:46:01 > 0:46:03No.
0:46:03 > 0:46:07And your bag broke on the bus?
0:46:07 > 0:46:10Which is why you were carrying them in your jacket?
0:46:10 > 0:46:12Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14That's it.
0:46:14 > 0:46:16Tenner, cash?
0:46:16 > 0:46:18OK.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Piece of cake.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23Don't give to him. I'll spend it at least on something useful,
0:46:23 > 0:46:25like drugs and alcohol.
0:46:25 > 0:46:26He'll just waste it.
0:46:26 > 0:46:28We can do drugs from here.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31What do you want?
0:46:31 > 0:46:34You want something to go up or to go down, or...?
0:46:36 > 0:46:37Or you can get some books.
0:46:37 > 0:46:40Best places to buy drugs in London - Camden for cannabis,
0:46:40 > 0:46:44New Cross for pills and good old Kilburn for crack.
0:46:44 > 0:46:46- Thank you. - How long we can stay here?
0:46:46 > 0:46:50Don't worry about it. My father won't be back until tomorrow.
0:46:52 > 0:46:53Fuck it.
0:46:53 > 0:46:56I know one place in Brixton.
0:46:56 > 0:47:00- We can stay £50 one week.- All right!
0:47:00 > 0:47:01- A hostel?- Mm.
0:47:01 > 0:47:04Sure, if you want to spend your time with Saudi terrorists
0:47:04 > 0:47:06and Albanian sheep fuckers.
0:47:08 > 0:47:11Is there the gangster from Jamaica, man?
0:47:11 > 0:47:14They knife each other and when they get bored,
0:47:14 > 0:47:16they knife, kill, white guys.
0:47:16 > 0:47:18How can Rastafarians be so violent?
0:47:18 > 0:47:20They smoke so much dope.
0:47:31 > 0:47:33The reason for my living...
0:47:35 > 0:47:37..for being here...
0:47:40 > 0:47:45She's sleeping with one of my best friends. Fuck. Fuck.
0:47:45 > 0:47:47You sleep around too.
0:47:47 > 0:47:51I sleep with chicks in parties just to sleep. This is different.
0:47:58 > 0:48:02She has a place to sleep, and someone to sleep with - me.
0:48:03 > 0:48:06She's talking to me like nothing happens.
0:48:08 > 0:48:11He's there and she's telling me she's bought the fucking rings.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15I can't believe she would do this to me.
0:48:15 > 0:48:20The woman I trust more than the rest of humankind.
0:48:25 > 0:48:26Oh, shit.
0:48:26 > 0:48:29I don't want to play house with thieves and drug dealers.
0:48:29 > 0:48:32- It's a big house, OK? Look... - Oh, my God!
0:48:34 > 0:48:38What do you think life is supposed to be like? Will you...get there.
0:48:38 > 0:48:41You are my son. You're supposed to make my life a comfort and a joy.
0:48:41 > 0:48:45You...are like a vampire who sucks the blood from his victims
0:48:45 > 0:48:47and then leaves them hopeless.
0:48:47 > 0:48:49When did you start going so bad?
0:48:49 > 0:48:51What more can I do for you?
0:48:51 > 0:48:53You know, more money, for the start, would be nice.
0:48:53 > 0:48:55You piece of shit.
0:49:00 > 0:49:02You piece of shit.
0:49:02 > 0:49:05You...nothing.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20You don't know what life is.
0:49:20 > 0:49:22When you do,
0:49:22 > 0:49:25if you do,
0:49:25 > 0:49:27I hope you'll be smiling.
0:49:46 > 0:49:51Wherever they go, Russians seem to crap all over the planet.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03# If you love me
0:50:03 > 0:50:06# As much as the words you speak
0:50:06 > 0:50:10# You got a funny way of showing it
0:50:12 > 0:50:15# Take it from me
0:50:19 > 0:50:21# I made your love
0:50:21 > 0:50:24# Out of the thoughts below
0:50:26 > 0:50:30# But that was months ago
0:50:30 > 0:50:33# So where are you now?
0:50:36 > 0:50:42# And I'm falling through the cracks
0:50:42 > 0:50:45# In time
0:50:45 > 0:50:51# You got me falling through the cracks
0:50:56 > 0:51:01# I don't seem to be in evidence
0:51:03 > 0:51:05# Not even in consequence
0:51:05 > 0:51:10# Not even in mind
0:51:13 > 0:51:20# All I saw was inconsistency
0:51:21 > 0:51:24# Never the honesty
0:51:26 > 0:51:28# You bought and sold
0:51:31 > 0:51:33# And I'm falling... #
0:51:33 > 0:51:38And stay away from Artash - probably turn a mobile phone into crack.
0:51:41 > 0:51:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:51:43 > 0:51:46Welcome. Tonight we are going to cook heroin.
0:51:46 > 0:51:48GROANS AND CHEERING
0:51:48 > 0:51:50WHOOPING
0:51:50 > 0:51:52What you need is...the heroin.
0:51:52 > 0:51:54Spoon.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Citric acid.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59Syringe. And a syringe pack.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01Take the heroin,
0:52:01 > 0:52:04pour the citrics over, add water,
0:52:04 > 0:52:06boil until all dissolved.
0:52:06 > 0:52:09After that you're ready to go.
0:52:09 > 0:52:12In the pack, we also have a pre-injection cleansing swab.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15You can use this use this to burn it hotter and longer.
0:52:17 > 0:52:18And the gear appears.
0:52:18 > 0:52:20CHEERING
0:52:20 > 0:52:24This is how they live in homeland of Bob Marley.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26REGGAE MUSIC PLAYS
0:52:26 > 0:52:28# Billy billy bong bong
0:52:28 > 0:52:29# Billy bong bong Billy bong bong... #
0:52:29 > 0:52:34All niggers wake up at 12 noon, wash their faces, clean their teeth
0:52:34 > 0:52:37and plug in their reggae-screaming stereos.
0:52:37 > 0:52:39They head for beach to smoke dope.
0:52:39 > 0:52:41TOILET FLUSHES
0:52:41 > 0:52:46So what awaits those brothers careless enough to emigrate to foggy Albion?
0:52:46 > 0:52:50He gets up at six, has cold shower,
0:52:50 > 0:52:55and is squeezed into Tube with no reggae and plenty of dull work.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02I've been rejected from university.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04I know I should try philosophy department.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07I've been good to you.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10I let you stay here because you didn't have anywhere to go.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12But I will not have drugs on my site.
0:53:12 > 0:53:15It's not me. I don't do this stuff.
0:53:15 > 0:53:17Maybe you do, maybe you don't.
0:53:17 > 0:53:20There's more silverware here than in the kitchens of the bloody Dorchester.
0:53:20 > 0:53:22I swear to God, it's not me!
0:53:22 > 0:53:26It doesn't matter who it is. You're in charge of security.
0:53:26 > 0:53:29That means no junkies, so you didn't do your job.
0:53:29 > 0:53:33I have to keep this place drug-free or I'm out of a job, and I've got, like, four wives.
0:53:35 > 0:53:37The company will tolerate a bit of stealing.
0:53:37 > 0:53:40I mean, they're insured for that, but drugs?
0:53:40 > 0:53:43- It's an absolute no-no. - But I have to get one thing from...
0:53:43 > 0:53:45- No - you can go. - I have to get one thing from this.
0:53:48 > 0:53:50No, not this.
0:53:50 > 0:53:53- It's one thing different.- You'll have to come back next week when I'm sure there's nothing missing.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56- It's very important.- Get out. - It's not worth anything next week.
0:53:56 > 0:53:58- Out.- Please.- Out.- Please.
0:53:58 > 0:54:00I need my chequebook.
0:54:00 > 0:54:05Never, ever, ever steal from the family again!
0:54:05 > 0:54:07You stole from Grandpa.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09That's different. He's useless.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11He's rubbish.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20You...lost me my job.
0:54:20 > 0:54:22Fucking parasite.
0:54:22 > 0:54:26- You kept the cheques, but now I want my money.- Your fucking money?
0:54:26 > 0:54:27My fucking money.
0:54:27 > 0:54:30It's in a fucking savings account, all right?
0:54:39 > 0:54:40Let's go.
0:54:40 > 0:54:44- Right now. Me and you. Let's go. - You're supposed to leave it in there for at least six months.
0:54:44 > 0:54:47We're not going to be here for six months.
0:54:49 > 0:54:52You don't have it, do you?
0:54:52 > 0:54:55No, no, no. It's just that the UK have a very, very complex banking system.
0:54:55 > 0:54:57You spent our money. You spent OUR money!
0:54:57 > 0:55:00Please don't hit me, at least not in the face.
0:55:04 > 0:55:09I did spend at least half of it on Spiker, all right?
0:55:09 > 0:55:12And I...bought you some presents.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17It's impossible...to rely on you.
0:55:17 > 0:55:21I'm willing to admit a certain lack of borderlines...
0:55:21 > 0:55:23One job to do.
0:55:23 > 0:55:25One job only, just the cheques.
0:55:25 > 0:55:29You have nice cut. We're all very happy.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34But you had to change all the money into crack,
0:55:34 > 0:55:35and turn Spiker into a junkie.
0:55:36 > 0:55:38He's an adult, you know?
0:55:38 > 0:55:41He's perfectly capable of saying "no", a word which, incidentally,
0:55:41 > 0:55:44I haven't heard you saying when it was offered to you for free.
0:55:46 > 0:55:50Leave him alone, or I will kill you.
0:55:57 > 0:56:01# Dancing with the pretty thief He's got eyes so sweet... #
0:56:08 > 0:56:10Can I help you?
0:56:13 > 0:56:16Can I help you?
0:56:16 > 0:56:17# ..And he... #
0:56:19 > 0:56:22Can I help you with your bags?
0:56:22 > 0:56:25Oh, thank you, dear. You're very kind.
0:56:25 > 0:56:28- GLASS SMASHES - Oh, don't worry, dear.
0:56:29 > 0:56:31# ..Dancing with the ugly thief
0:56:31 > 0:56:34# He got gold for teeth... #
0:56:41 > 0:56:44- INDISTINCT SHOUTING - ..Fuck!
0:56:46 > 0:56:49# ..That may be...
0:56:52 > 0:56:56# That pretty thief
0:56:56 > 0:56:58# Yeah
0:57:00 > 0:57:04# Dancing with the pretty girl She got diamonds and pearls
0:57:07 > 0:57:13# And she moves like the breeze And me
0:57:13 > 0:57:15# The loser at his feet... #
0:57:15 > 0:57:17A can of Coke. Yep, look.
0:57:17 > 0:57:20- Listen, I've got to go. I've got a client.- Hey.
0:57:20 > 0:57:24I'd like to get mobile phone.
0:57:26 > 0:57:27You think I'm stupid, lad?
0:57:27 > 0:57:29- No.- Listen, mate.
0:57:29 > 0:57:33Do yourself a favour, go away and don't come back.
0:57:33 > 0:57:36Is there some problem with my documents?
0:57:36 > 0:57:39- Are you from the Ukraine?- Yeah!
0:57:39 > 0:57:45Thought so. Pathological liars. And eternally greedy. Now piss off!
0:57:50 > 0:57:51Bloody immigrants.
0:58:00 > 0:58:05- Hey, how are things?- I'm fine.
0:58:05 > 0:58:08- How have you been?- I...
0:58:09 > 0:58:15I just thought you could, maybe, you know...lend me some money.
0:58:17 > 0:58:19Look, mate, you need to get off it, yeah?
0:58:22 > 0:58:23OK.
0:58:25 > 0:58:27OK.
0:58:32 > 0:58:33DOORBELL RINGS
0:58:33 > 0:58:36KNOCKING AT DOOR
0:58:43 > 0:58:44SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN
0:58:47 > 0:58:52- No?- I need some money.
0:58:52 > 0:58:54Huh! Yeah, I see.
0:58:54 > 0:58:56This is what always happens, you know?
0:58:56 > 0:58:59You spend on the wrong things, my friend.
0:58:59 > 0:59:00You were always the same at school.
0:59:00 > 0:59:03Always borrowing money, never paying it back.
0:59:03 > 0:59:05You still owe me 10 dollars from 1987.
0:59:05 > 0:59:07What?
0:59:07 > 0:59:10'I could not believe what I am hearing.
0:59:10 > 0:59:15'It was as though there had not been 12 years of friendship, as though we had not shared a desk at school,
0:59:15 > 0:59:22'as though together we did not beat the shit out of our fat classmate pig, or puff the same dog-end.'
0:59:22 > 0:59:25You said to me that you're going to look after yourself here in London.
0:59:25 > 0:59:29'We gave him a phone for his birthday, we trust him,
0:59:29 > 0:59:32'but Ukrainian blood runs through Sergei's veins.
0:59:32 > 0:59:37'and, added to this, the spirit of Carnegist.'
0:59:37 > 0:59:39What I tell you when you first come to England?
0:59:39 > 0:59:42You get in the car at the airport, what did I tell you?
0:59:42 > 0:59:47# I said blow me up before I fade away... #
0:59:47 > 0:59:48Thanks.
0:59:48 > 0:59:52# ...I said, blow me up before I get that way, I said... #
0:59:52 > 0:59:53Thank you.
0:59:53 > 0:59:57# ..I said, blow me up before I fade away
0:59:57 > 1:00:02# Yeah, don't you let me look that way... #
1:00:02 > 1:00:03Salt.
1:00:03 > 1:00:08# ..I said, pull the trigger before the night is through
1:00:08 > 1:00:11# There ain't nothing left but me and you... #
1:00:11 > 1:00:14You again.
1:00:14 > 1:00:16Why you steal from me?
1:00:16 > 1:00:20Why not steal from Tesco, or one of those big conglomerations that buy up all the fields,
1:00:20 > 1:00:24fill the air with carbon monoxide and put us all out of business?
1:00:24 > 1:00:27On principle, normally I steal from Tesco,
1:00:27 > 1:00:30- but it's midnight.- You think I don't have children to feed?
1:00:30 > 1:00:33You think I don't have people at home waiting for me to bring money home?
1:00:33 > 1:00:36A wife that doesn't know what I do with all my time?
1:00:37 > 1:00:38I'm sorry.
1:01:11 > 1:01:13I'm sorry.
1:01:13 > 1:01:15I was desperate.
1:01:15 > 1:01:16Take it.
1:01:20 > 1:01:22I've been desperate.
1:01:26 > 1:01:28Just go.
1:01:28 > 1:01:31Go, and don't come back.
1:01:31 > 1:01:32Please!
1:01:41 > 1:01:46# All down-and-out when they're black-and-blue
1:01:46 > 1:01:49# But we don't talk about that
1:01:50 > 1:01:53# Are you from round here?
1:01:53 > 1:01:55# How do you do?
1:01:55 > 1:01:58# I'd like to talk about that
1:01:58 > 1:02:04# Talk over gin in teacups and leaves on the lawn
1:02:04 > 1:02:07# Violence at bus stops and a pale thin girl
1:02:07 > 1:02:11# With eyes forlorn Ah, gin in teacups
1:02:11 > 1:02:13# And leaves on the lawn
1:02:13 > 1:02:17# Violence in dole queues and a pale thin girl
1:02:17 > 1:02:19# Behind the checkout
1:02:19 > 1:02:24# But if you're looking for cheap sorts as in false anticipation
1:02:24 > 1:02:28# I'll be waiting in the photo booth at the underground station
1:02:28 > 1:02:31# So come away
1:02:31 > 1:02:34# Won't you come away? We're going to...
1:02:36 > 1:02:39# Catford, Watford
1:02:41 > 1:02:44# Lincoln
1:02:44 > 1:02:45# Digbeth
1:02:45 > 1:02:49# Liverpool, anywhere in Albion... #
1:03:19 > 1:03:23INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION
1:03:56 > 1:03:59The deposit was 60.
1:03:59 > 1:04:03Minus ten for each key, plus 10% wear and tear.
1:04:04 > 1:04:06DOOR RELEASE BUZZES
1:04:07 > 1:04:09I hope you enjoyed your stay.
1:04:11 > 1:04:14I would rather live in sewer.
1:05:06 > 1:05:08From thieving genie. Who do you think?!
1:05:11 > 1:05:13Um...
1:05:23 > 1:05:24This is for one chocolate.
1:05:27 > 1:05:29Artash steals all our money.
1:05:29 > 1:05:31Huh?
1:05:31 > 1:05:33What do you think about this? Nothing.
1:05:36 > 1:05:39Well, what do you expect?
1:05:39 > 1:05:40He is a junkie.
1:06:10 > 1:06:12Hi, friend.
1:06:12 > 1:06:15SIGHS
1:06:22 > 1:06:23- SIGHS - It's OK.
1:06:37 > 1:06:43It does say that a person attending before...December 31st...
1:06:43 > 1:06:45We're entitled to a bar of...
1:06:45 > 1:06:46Yeah, I can read English.
1:06:51 > 1:06:54Day release from the asylum shelter, is it?
1:06:57 > 1:06:58What?
1:07:00 > 1:07:02You not forget something? Hm?
1:07:04 > 1:07:08Aren't you supposed to say, "Thank you for shopping?"
1:07:08 > 1:07:09Not to immigrants, I'm not.
1:07:11 > 1:07:16SIGHS AND SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN
1:07:18 > 1:07:19Bye-bye.
1:07:22 > 1:07:25- Yeah. - MUMBLES
1:07:25 > 1:07:28'I watch Spiker on the phone to his mother,
1:07:28 > 1:07:31'sitting in the doorway, unshaven and he smells,
1:07:31 > 1:07:33'like any other homeless drunk.
1:07:40 > 1:07:46'I wonder what kind of person it takes to make it to a place such as this.
1:07:51 > 1:07:56'For a moment, I thought maybe I could help him.
1:07:56 > 1:07:57'Remind him why we come
1:07:57 > 1:08:05'or to say it was OK to go, that we see each other back in Moscow, for drink with our friend,
1:08:05 > 1:08:10'laugh at stories of escapade in heroin clutch of foggy Albion.'
1:08:13 > 1:08:15- SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN - No, mate.
1:08:16 > 1:08:21- It's me?- 'But truth is, I didn't know who Spiker was any more.'
1:08:23 > 1:08:27- OK, bye, you guys. - 'And I didn't care.
1:08:31 > 1:08:33'Why do childhood friends grow up?
1:08:33 > 1:08:35'It ever so great?'
1:08:56 > 1:08:59I love Christmas.
1:08:59 > 1:09:02It's sweet, like the sunshine.
1:09:02 > 1:09:03What do you think?
1:09:05 > 1:09:07Very nice.
1:09:07 > 1:09:11- Want to see my woman? - Sure. 'Beer breaks them.
1:09:11 > 1:09:18'How could I ever imagine that I, Moscow hooligan and Nazi, would ever become Negro-lover?'
1:09:18 > 1:09:21- WOMEN ON TV BROADCAST:- 'When do PIN numbers come into operation?
1:09:21 > 1:09:23- MAN ON BROADCAST:- 'Two or three months from now. - And if you don't have one?
1:09:23 > 1:09:25'You won't be able to use your credit card,
1:09:25 > 1:09:29'and you won't be able to get a bank account without a work permit.
1:09:29 > 1:09:33- 'And what about people who already have accounts?- People who already have accounts will be...'
1:09:33 > 1:09:38'Just when I thought things cannot get any worse, they introduce PIN number.'
1:09:54 > 1:09:56Look, all-new technology.
1:09:56 > 1:09:59Very impressive.
1:10:05 > 1:10:09# Lord, there goes Johnny Appleseed
1:10:09 > 1:10:14# He might pass by in the hour of need
1:10:14 > 1:10:15# Has a lot of soul
1:10:17 > 1:10:20# Been drinking from the well
1:10:20 > 1:10:22# Locked in a factory
1:10:22 > 1:10:26- # Hey.- Don't they know?
1:10:26 > 1:10:30- # Hey.- Don't they know?
1:10:30 > 1:10:33# If you're after getting the honey
1:10:33 > 1:10:36# Hey
1:10:36 > 1:10:40# Then you don't go killing all the bees... #
1:10:45 > 1:10:49'So, Brother, I read to you to distract you from your sad state of mind.'
1:10:49 > 1:10:50KNOCKING AT DOOR
1:11:08 > 1:11:10- Please help me.- No. - MOUTHS SILENTLY
1:11:10 > 1:11:12I need money for a band.
1:11:12 > 1:11:14I need verifiable address.
1:11:14 > 1:11:18- I have a plan.- I know.
1:11:21 > 1:11:24- I wish- I- had plan.
1:11:24 > 1:11:25I don't.
1:11:28 > 1:11:31- I'm begging you. - I need this job, Artash.
1:11:34 > 1:11:38'I have been visualising the future, and it looks good.
1:11:38 > 1:11:43'You will get your notes published, and as to showing them to my mother,
1:11:43 > 1:11:48'well, I am one quarter of a century old and I feel I can do whatever I want.
1:11:50 > 1:11:54'Maybe they will see it simply as bravado or two fraudsters
1:11:54 > 1:11:59'who fell greedily upon freedom and shamelessly tried to reap all its fruit.
1:12:01 > 1:12:07'Or perhaps they will find story of friendship and treachery or the joy of life and loneliness,
1:12:07 > 1:12:15'of the realisation of simple truth that, more often than not, sadness and adversity happen...
1:12:16 > 1:12:20'because of the inability to believe in something.
1:12:22 > 1:12:23'Maybe this is friendship.
1:12:26 > 1:12:28'I don't know.'
1:12:32 > 1:12:34£4, please.
1:12:34 > 1:12:36One coffee latte.
1:12:37 > 1:12:41# He said, "Come on, then let's stop by the river
1:12:41 > 1:12:45# "No-one's there but me and the ducks
1:12:45 > 1:12:50# "And they've stopped talking to me anyway
1:12:51 > 1:12:56# "And I would like to get to know you..." #
1:12:56 > 1:12:59I, er, don't suppose that, er...?
1:13:05 > 1:13:08You know, I was going to quit drinking today. And then, er...
1:13:11 > 1:13:16Well, er, there you are, like an angel.
1:13:19 > 1:13:21It's nae Big Ben, y'know.
1:13:22 > 1:13:24Big Ben's just the bell.
1:13:24 > 1:13:26It's been cracked since they put it there.
1:13:28 > 1:13:30I love the way it sounds, though.
1:13:41 > 1:13:43Keep it. I don't need it.
1:13:46 > 1:13:49No.
1:13:49 > 1:13:51I just need some water.
1:13:54 > 1:13:57'I have picture in my mind dear to my heart.
1:14:01 > 1:14:03'Hampstead Heath, watching planes fly over.
1:14:06 > 1:14:09'The one time we felt happy on these goddamn isles.
1:14:13 > 1:14:19'And you at your dacha, sitting on the porch, fucking blown away.
1:14:19 > 1:14:23'Heavy snowfall starts, with big flakes.
1:14:23 > 1:14:26'In half an hour, we will be in the forest.
1:14:26 > 1:14:31'Then, coming back home, we sit by the fire with no talking,
1:14:31 > 1:14:34'because now we no longer need it.
1:14:38 > 1:14:41'We are alive, Negro.
1:14:41 > 1:14:42'Is that not beautiful?
1:14:44 > 1:14:47'Your friend, Cobakka.'
1:15:00 > 1:15:05- What is that smell?- What smell?
1:15:11 > 1:15:14# Can't take no more of this panic and stress
1:15:14 > 1:15:16# Rely on living off the DHSS
1:15:16 > 1:15:20# Ain't got no money cos I don't wanna work
1:15:20 > 1:15:23# Just sit about and let the hours drift away
1:15:23 > 1:15:26# He tried his hand at a job in a factory
1:15:26 > 1:15:30# But can't take orders off the people that he don't like
1:15:30 > 1:15:33# He can't make up his mind what he wants to be
1:15:33 > 1:15:36# I'd have to say that I've got to agree
1:15:36 > 1:15:39# You're getting lost in London
1:15:40 > 1:15:46# Getting lost in London Getting lost in London
1:15:46 > 1:15:50# Getting lost in London
1:15:55 > 1:15:59# I cannot lie Yes, I find it so hard
1:15:59 > 1:16:02# To sell my dreams for a job with security
1:16:02 > 1:16:05# You want me close Yeah, you want me so near
1:16:05 > 1:16:08# But, darling, don't you know I never had a career?
1:16:09 > 1:16:13# Till she found out he was broken
1:16:13 > 1:16:16# It was good night He can't make up his mind
1:16:16 > 1:16:19# What he wants to be I'd have to say
1:16:19 > 1:16:24# That I've got to agree You're getting lost in London
1:16:24 > 1:16:30# Getting lost in London Getting lost in London
1:16:31 > 1:16:35# Getting lost in...London
1:16:42 > 1:16:48# We've got a bit of a problem With the youth of today
1:16:49 > 1:16:52# You better find a solution
1:16:53 > 1:16:55# You can say what you like
1:16:55 > 1:16:57# But you know we're not fit for nine to five... #