0:00:17 > 0:00:26This film contains very strong language.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Time travel.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37It'll turn your brain into spaghetti if you let it.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Best not to think about it. Best just to get on
0:01:39 > 0:01:42with the job in hand, which is destroying the enemy
0:01:42 > 0:01:46before they're even born and have a chance to threaten us.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49We're expecting any resistance to be light,
0:01:49 > 0:01:53as the ancestors of our enemies have yet to evolve any thumbs,
0:01:53 > 0:01:55or indeed spines.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59But that does not change the fact that they may one day evolve
0:01:59 > 0:02:02into a species that may pose a threat to us.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05And for that reason, we are going to rain down a fiery death upon them
0:02:05 > 0:02:08that will turn the surface of their planet into a radioactive desert
0:02:08 > 0:02:12because we are the Planetary Peace Corps and that is what we do!
0:02:14 > 0:02:20Now, are you nappy-wearing motherfuckers ready to lock and load and get it on?!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25THEY START CRYING
0:02:27 > 0:02:30What?! No, no, no, no! Shh!
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Look, it's not even a real gun! Ooh!
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Ooh! Look at all the lights!
0:02:37 > 0:02:39SIRENS BLARE
0:04:01 > 0:04:04TANNOY: 'Due to technical difficulties,
0:04:04 > 0:04:08'the Star Ride is closed until further notice.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12'Due to technical difficulties,
0:04:12 > 0:04:16'the Star Ride is closed until further notice.'
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Two for one at Dinoburger.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Two for one at Dinoburger.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26It doesn't even make any sense. Why would we do this?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Toby, don't start.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31All right, love? All right, love? Two for one at Dinoburger.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34We're encouraging people to eat dinosaurs, to eat us, you know?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Why would we do that? - We're not real dinosaurs.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- We should be dressed as cavemen. - Tobe, why do you always do this?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- You were the same on the Ghost Train.- That wasn't logical, either.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Everyone knows werewolves and vampires are natural enemies.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50There is no way they would team up to attack a train.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Toby, stop thinking! And talking!
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Yeah, you're right.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00We can't think much cos a dinosaur's brain is only the size of a walnut.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02As far as talking goes, it's just like...
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Roahhhwwww.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Roahwwww.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Tobe, Tobe, Toby!
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Tobe, stop it! Be careful you don't get lost in the role.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17I heard of this one guy over on the Star Ride.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22Thought he was a Space Ranger. Traumatised a load of kids, they sacked him.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Oh, hello, Ray. Didn't see you there.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Pete. Tobe.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29It was a crappy job, anyway.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Yeah. Says the man dressed as a dinosaur.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- So...what are you going to do? - I don't know.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45I was thinking about maybe moving back home, taking that job at my uncle's place.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- Why do you want to do that? We can get you another job. Here.- Where?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Barry Burp's Bubble Ride?
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Get you a job there easy.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- High turnover cos of the chlorine in the eyes.- Hmm, it is tempting(!)
0:05:56 > 0:05:58But there should be more to life than dressing up as a bubble.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Maybe it's time to get real.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06So?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10In an ideal world, what would be your perfect job?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- I don't know. Comic shop? - Oh, come on. Think bigger.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Astronaut?
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Yeah, cool!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20But your absolute dream job?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- I mean, if there was...no limits. - No limits?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Well, it's obvious.
0:06:26 > 0:06:32- It's got to be Time Lord. - Oh, come to daddy! Ooh. What's that?
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- 4 minutes 32.- That's bollocks! You led him on.- What's this?
0:06:35 > 0:06:40It's a bet. He reckons you'll mention time travel in under five minutes.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42You're making bets on me?!
0:06:42 > 0:06:44On the day I get fired, you're making bets on me?!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47He did. I didn't want to.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- I do talk about other things. - What? Like sky-fi?
0:06:51 > 0:06:57How many times? It's not sci-fi, Pete, it's science fiction,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59or SF, which can also stand for speculative fiction.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Jesus! And you wonder why you can't get laid.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I can.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I do.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Some girls are into science fiction.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11You see, that's your problem, Ray.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Your ideal girl is you. With tits.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17THEY LAUGH
0:07:18 > 0:07:21In fact, your ideal girl is him.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23I object to that!
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Now, that was a shit film.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Yeah. Someone should write and complain, you know.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32"Dear Hollywood, you're shit."
0:07:32 > 0:07:34How hard can it be to make a film that doesn't suck?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I've got millions of great ideas.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- Like what?- What?
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Come on. I want to hear one of your great ideas.- OK.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Right.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Prepare to be amazed.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Ninja Yodeller.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Are you just, like, saying random words, Tobe?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59No. Yodeller by day, ninja by night, you see?
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- Oh, yeah, because the other way around would be really stupid(!) - Stupid.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06No, you've got, like, ninjas who are really quiet, yeah?
0:08:06 > 0:08:10Yodellers, really loud. There's a conflict for the character.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14- Torn between two worlds. - He's really thought about this.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15OK. All right.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19You know the way sometimes you come up with a really shit idea,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- like, on purpose to try and test us out?- Yeah?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Is this one?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Yeah, you got me.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30- Nearly had you, though.- And him.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- Yeah.- Ninja Yodeller!
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Ninja Yodeller.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- How's your REAL script going? - I'm doing most of the work up here, really.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Besides, every writer needs to get out in the real world.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Have some experiences, fresh ones, to enrich his work.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50Really? I thought a writer needed to stay in and write.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55Yeah. That's the eternal enigma of creativity. We should discuss it...
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- in the pub.- Give me that.- Oi!
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Oh, you thieving git!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- I said that! - Come on, all great writers steal.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Oh! Ray said that?- What?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Give it to me. Give me my book. Come on.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14You'll see. One day I'll be famous and then you'll be sorry.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23"Dear Hollywood, please stop making so many crappy movies.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26"Here are a few tips to help you out.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30"One - story is king. Always has been, always will be."
0:09:30 > 0:09:33This is eating into our drinking time.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36OK. Er, remakes, Jude Law...
0:09:36 > 0:09:39hand-shot first.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42More Firefly and/or Serenity.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44The end.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Well, that's Hollywood sorted.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Shall we move on to the Middle East(?)- Pen's running out.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- Oh, always the way. - COUGHS:- Nerds!
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Hey! Didn't we all agree to stop using the N word? Didn't we?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- I didn't agree to anything.- Nerd is the word they use to keep us down...
0:09:59 > 0:10:04- You should use the term imagineer. - Yeah.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10That's the nerdiest thing I've ever heard!
0:10:10 > 0:10:11You are just threatened.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14You are threatened because you don't understand our world.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17What's to understand? I saw one Star Trek film,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- I hated it and never looked back. - Really? Which one?
0:10:19 > 0:10:23The first one with the big gold robot and the little fat mate.
0:10:24 > 0:10:29- You mean Star WARS, don't you? - Do I? Aren't they the same thing?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32No. No, they're not.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34He knows.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- How would I know? I'm not a nerd. Or even an imagineer.- Better.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I'm glad you're happy.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Whose round is it?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47- I got the last round. - I got the biscuits from the garage.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50- I paid for you to get into Scandals that time.- I paid for the cloakroom.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- I brought teabags round when you ran out!- I lent you my coat.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55The snug's less busy.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Can you get me some crisps?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Thanks.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04THUD!
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- He could be wearing stealth lederhosen. - Jesus, you took your time.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- Yes, I did.- I'll get the next round. - Well done. I was impressed.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18- What?- It's a lot of effort to go to.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I mean, I'm, er...
0:11:20 > 0:11:22- I'm rather touched. - What are you talking about?
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Cassie. Next door.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29- She fed me her little story. - Cassie?- The girl in the snug.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34Come on, guys. Fit, funny, dodgy American accent.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35- You set it up.- Just now?
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Yeah. Look, whatever. I just want to say thank you
0:11:39 > 0:11:42cos I think I might actually be in with a chance there.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44I can see why you think it'd be a wind-up.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- You want to hear what happened or not?- Absolutely! Go on.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- Make her double-jointed.- Ignore him.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- Come on. I want to hear it.- OK.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Hello, Ray.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01Hi.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Erm... I'm sorry. Do I know you?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I'm Cassie.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11You don't know me, but I know you very well.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14At least, I feel like I do.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I've read all about you.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- All about me?- Yeah. I guess from your perspective,
0:12:19 > 0:12:23those books haven't been written yet, but, er...
0:12:23 > 0:12:28- Haven't been written yet, like from the future?- Exactly.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Ah.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Ah, I see. You're a time traveller.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Bingo! Yes.
0:12:37 > 0:12:42- I didn't say I believed her.- You've invented a girlfriend!- I have not.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Time-travelling hottie visits time-travel fan. It's not a bad idea.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- How far back in time have you come? - 150 years.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51And where's your time machine?
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- Inside me.- Oh! That's handy, isn't it?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Is it like a little pill?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Uh, no, it's hard-wired into my bones
0:13:00 > 0:13:03which have been replaced with a polymer composite.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08- So it's flexible, but very standard issue.- Are you a space lady?
0:13:08 > 0:13:09- IN HIGH VOICE:- "Hello!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11"Nanu.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- "Phone home."- No!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15No, I repair time leaks.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Sounds exciting.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20No. No, it's not.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Really. It's quite dull.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23This is the only perk of the job.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27- What is? - Meeting famous people from history.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Me?!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32I read that you would be in here on this day, you know.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36I just couldn't pass up a chance of meeting Ray the Great.
0:13:36 > 0:13:42- It's what she said. - Ray the Great.- Shut up.
0:13:42 > 0:13:48So, what other famous people, like me, have you met?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Have you met Einstein or Elvis?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53You know what you should do? You should go back and kill Hitler...
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- That's a classic. - That's also a time crime.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57- You're no fun.- Yeah.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01We call it editing. It's trying to erase people from history.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- Like Hitler.- Yeah, like Hitler.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07But, a lot of the time, it's more of a personal taste thing.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Like, Paris Hilton?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- Who?- Brilliant.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Well, um, yeah, they try to erase them from history
0:14:15 > 0:14:17just because they don't like them,
0:14:17 > 0:14:21or don't like their songs or their films or whatever.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23They are totally psychotic, Ray.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28There's even one bunch of Editors who try to kill artists immediately after their greatest works.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- I don't get it.- Well, it's to avoid a decline in quality.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34It would be like killing, say...
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Kevin Costner right after Dances With Wolves.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39You could do Morrissey.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- After The Smiths?- No. Just generally.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- George Lucas after Jedi? - Ooh! Empire, surely?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Hmm. You'd miss the Ewok battle.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- Who cares?- I care.
0:14:50 > 0:14:55Let's see how good your research really is. What is...
0:14:55 > 0:14:57the grandfather paradox?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03I've got to be honest with you, Ray, I didn't exactly finish the manual.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07It was like a brick. I'm more of a quick-start pamphlet kind of girl.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Yes. Sure. I mean hey, who's got the time, you know?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15- It's only history we're messing with.- Look, I'm not totally stupid.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16I mean, I can safely talk to you
0:15:16 > 0:15:19because everyone knows you're obsessed with time travel.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24- So?- So, no-one will believe you when you tell them about this.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Very clever, Ray. Double bluff.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Still don't believe you.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30What about Chaos Theory?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- You do know about Chaos Theory, right?- Oh!
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Yes, of course. Chaos Theory is the idea
0:15:36 > 0:15:40that all actions have consequences...
0:15:42 > 0:15:45..when you take that... quantum leap...
0:15:45 > 0:15:48OK, erm, bit of advice. When you are talking about this stuff,
0:15:48 > 0:15:51might be a good idea to speak with a bit more confidence about it.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55OK. Well, I will. I'll bear that in mind. Thank you.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Chaos Theory is the idea that tiny things can have huge consequences.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00So because you delayed me going through there,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04all the things I was going to do have been delayed subsequently
0:16:04 > 0:16:07and that has a knock-on effect, which can totally change the future.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10So, so wait, that means you're going to drink your pint a bit later,
0:16:10 > 0:16:14which means you're going to go to the bathroom a little bit later.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18My God, Ray, you're right. That's terrible. We're all doomed!
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Do you have any idea how rare it is to find a girl
0:16:25 > 0:16:28who's into science fiction who doesn't have everything pierced?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30How do you know I haven't?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Um, listen, you should come through.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Join us. I'll tell the guys what a good job you did.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Have they paid you yet? I could get you a tip.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Not in a stripper kind of way because you're not
0:16:42 > 0:16:45a stripper, obviously. But you'd make a good one.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48You'd make a fine one. I'm sure you'd look great naked.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Well put.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54No. Thank you. I have to go, actually.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Oh, no. What's the rush?
0:16:57 > 0:16:59I've got a time leak to find, remember?
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Of course.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07OK. Er, well... I'll see you later, then.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Hey, in the future, maybe.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Yeah, maybe.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Could you...?- Oh, yeah.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17I'm sorry. Thanks.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23- Bye, Ray.- Bye.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Not bad. Not bad at all.
0:17:26 > 0:17:31Can't really say I'm buying the time-travelling skeleton thing.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- A bit too Terminator.- No, but I like the sexy time-traveller.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- How does it end?- I don't know because I'm not making it up.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- She was real.- I know what it is.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43You know how you can pay a prostitute
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- to act things out for you? - No, I don't.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Someone who knows Ray well treated him to a time-travelling hooker!
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- She was nice! - And you didn't even sleep with her.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54That was probably in with the price.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55She wasn't a prostitute.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57You should have slept with her. You know why?
0:17:57 > 0:18:01- Why?- Cos she'd have shagged you into the middle of next week.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Eh? Eh? Come on. Come on.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Thank you. Thank you. My name's Pete and I'll be here all week.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Down those and we'll catch last orders at The King's Head. I'm going to take a leak.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- Oh, because of the future thing!- Hm. - Ah!
0:18:20 > 0:18:23# Every now and then I fall apart
0:18:23 > 0:18:26# And I need you now, tonight
0:18:26 > 0:18:30# And I need you more than ever
0:18:30 > 0:18:33# And if you'll only hold me tight
0:18:33 > 0:18:36# We'll be holding on for ever
0:18:36 > 0:18:39# And we'll only be making it right
0:18:39 > 0:18:42# Cos we'll never be wrong
0:18:42 > 0:18:45# Together we can take it to the end of the line
0:18:45 > 0:18:49# Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
0:18:50 > 0:18:54# I don't know what to do I'm always in the dark
0:18:54 > 0:18:58# We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
0:18:58 > 0:19:01# I really need you tonight
0:19:01 > 0:19:05# For ever's gonna start tonight
0:19:05 > 0:19:07# For ever's gonna start tonight
0:19:07 > 0:19:11# Once upon a time I was falling in love
0:19:11 > 0:19:13# Now I'm only falling apart
0:19:15 > 0:19:18# There's nothing I can say
0:19:18 > 0:19:20# A total eclipse of the heart
0:19:26 > 0:19:28# Now I'm only falling apart
0:19:28 > 0:19:32# Nothing I can say
0:19:32 > 0:19:34# Total eclipse of the heart. #
0:19:34 > 0:19:38MUSIC: "The Land Of Make Believe" by Bucks Fizz
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Oh, my God!
0:20:12 > 0:20:15It's me!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17GLASS BREAKS
0:20:53 > 0:20:55HUBBUB
0:21:11 > 0:21:14MUSIC: "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" by Bonnie Tyler
0:21:22 > 0:21:26# Nothing I can say Total eclipse of the heart
0:21:30 > 0:21:34# Total eclipse of the heart... #
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Are we off, then?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Oh, shit! I will see your time-travelling hottie
0:21:42 > 0:21:44and raise you a pub full of dead bodies!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Is that piss on your jeans?
0:21:48 > 0:21:49No.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54- Not all of it.- Bollocks!
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Couldn't this be that leak your woman was looking for?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- So you believe me now, do you? - I still don't, for the record.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02After what I've just seen, I'll believe anything.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- Guys, I just saw my own dead face. - Whoo, ooh, ooh!
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Go in yourself. You'll see.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12I don't know. I mean, first a future woman and now this.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16It's...it's like a time-travel murder mystery. You guys...
0:22:16 > 0:22:18It's not me!
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- Are you winding us up?- No.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Look, something very bad is going to happen.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I've just had a premonition of my own death.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Then, why don't you just leave?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31If you're so spooked, why don't you just run away? Go home?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- Right.- Because it's not tonight.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36The other me, the dead me, he had a beard.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Oh, I see. Little beard.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42A tenner says something happens when you go in.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Another bet? What trick have you got up your sleeve, Petey?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47This is great.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Come on. Let's all go.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50No chance. I'm staying right here.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Well, get my money ready.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Come on.- Are we going to go in? Ah, brilliant.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Are those two dead?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10What? What do you mean?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Are those two dead?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Oh. No, not yet.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24- Whaa!- Pack it in!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Hello, Petey.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- Change your mind?- No. Just going to watch from here.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Eurgh! It certainly smells like someone died.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Shit, shit, shit! What the fuck are you doing?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38If you've got anything planned, you're going to get it, too.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- I haven't got anything planned. Will you let me out?- Nope.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Oh, shit. I'm in again. Oh, shit!
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Ray, check the loos.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- What?- He's probably got some bloke in a Scream mask.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Or something even more brilliant.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Ooh! It really does stink in here.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- You might as well just pay me now. - Oh, it's like a dung-y, zoo-y kind of...
0:24:00 > 0:24:02It's Pete's bullshit you can smell.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Listen!
0:24:04 > 0:24:06This isn't a wind-up.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Do you really want to see the future?
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- I'd love to.- OK.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16You've got to do exactly what I did.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18What do you mean?
0:24:18 > 0:24:21# If you'll only hold me tight
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- # We'll be holding on for ever... # - I can't believe I'm doing this.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I feel like I'm doing the conga at a really shit party.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28# Cos we'll never be wrong... #
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Is this really necessary? - I don't know, it might be...
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- Don't look! I can't do it if you're looking.- I wasn't looking.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38# Together we can make it to the end of the line
0:24:38 > 0:24:41# Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. #
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Right, hold on.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- For what?- There must be easier ways of making money.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50It's a science experiment.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Mm-hm.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Now, hold on tight for this bit.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59# I don't know what to do I'm always in the dark
0:24:59 > 0:25:02# We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. #
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Here's an idea. Instead of a time machine that runs on karaoke
0:25:05 > 0:25:08and urine, maybe they could have one with a dial on, you know?
0:25:08 > 0:25:10With dates on it?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- Something crazy like that. - # I really need you tonight... #
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- Oh, God! - # For ever's going to start tonight
0:25:16 > 0:25:19# For ever's going to start tonight
0:25:19 > 0:25:21# Once upon a time I was falling in love
0:25:21 > 0:25:23# Now I'm only falling apart. #
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Pete, do you really do this every time you take a piss?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Tenner says something happens.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Yeah, but it's got to be something definite,
0:25:32 > 0:25:34like, say, a pub full of dead people.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38- Not just some bollocks weirdy feeling.- OK.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42# Nothing I can say
0:25:42 > 0:25:44# A total eclipse...
0:25:44 > 0:25:46# Of the heart. #
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- What's that I can hear?- Wait.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Oh, come on. What are they, the talking dead?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Oh, my God! Everyone's still alive!
0:26:17 > 0:26:21I don't know what happened out there, but I feel dirty.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- I'm going to get some peanuts now. - Pay up.- Didn't shake hands.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26What?! What are you, 12?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29I swear to you, I saw myself right here.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31< Story is king.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33< Always has been, always will be.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35< This is eating into our drinking time.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Oh! Hi.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- Someone's got our seats, Ray. - Have they? Our stuff's over there.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- Yeah. They looked familiar, didn't they, Pete?- Just a bit.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48There's spare seats in the snug.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50That's not really the problem, Ray.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- What is the problem?- I think you'd better go and have a look.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59< Shall we move on to the Middle East?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- Pen's running out.- Always the way.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03- COUGHS:- Nerds!- Hey!
0:27:03 > 0:27:08Didn't we all agree to stop using the N word? Didn't we?
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Nerd is the word they use to keep us down.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15You should use the term imagineer.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Shall we get the fuck out of here?
0:27:22 > 0:27:24So, what do we do now?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- What?- This is your thing. - This is not my thing.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31My thing is reading books about this shit, not actually being in it.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34What about the rules? There's always rules, isn't there?
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- Yeah, but it depends who you read. - Well, even I know some rules.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41- Like what?- Like you can't tread on any butterflies.- What?!
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Not just butterflies, anything.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47You can't kill anything in the past because it wipes out all its descendants in the future
0:27:47 > 0:27:49and you could end up wiping out the whole human race.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53Don't sleep with anyone. It always ends up being your mum or gran.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- That's just sick! - Ray, it's still tonight - we haven't gone back to the Blitz.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00- You asked for rules, I'm giving you rules.- OK. Don't kill anything, don't fuck anything.
0:28:00 > 0:28:05- What else?- Don't touch yourself. - To be honest with you, Ray, my mind's on other things right now.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08No. I mean, don't touch the other us.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10We can't bump into or speak to the earlier us.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13Why? Couldn't we just warn them not to go into the bog?
0:28:13 > 0:28:16- No, we can't do that because that would cause a paradox.- A what?!
0:28:16 > 0:28:19If they don't go into the bogs, then they don't go back in time,
0:28:19 > 0:28:22and if that doesn't happen then we cease to exist.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26- It's a variant on the grandfather paradox.- Fucking hate sci-fi.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30- Science fiction. - So, do we go back in the toilets?
0:28:30 > 0:28:33No! That could take us anywhere.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35But last time it took him back to where we started, didn't it?
0:28:35 > 0:28:39Yeah, but it also took me to a room full of dead bodies.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42- He's right, it's not predictable. - So where does that leave us, Ray?
0:28:42 > 0:28:44I think I've got an idea.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Hiding in a cupboard?
0:28:48 > 0:28:50- Yeah.- And that's going to stop me being dead?
0:28:50 > 0:28:54Look, it's simple. We wait for the earlier us to go into the loos
0:28:54 > 0:28:55and disappear into the past.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58How long do you think that's going to be?
0:28:58 > 0:29:00- About another half an hour. - Oh, you're joking.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02My neck's killing me already.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Ow, ow.
0:29:04 > 0:29:05Hot!
0:29:05 > 0:29:08- Bugger. Ow!- Can I sit down?
0:29:08 > 0:29:11I don't know. Can you?
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Oh!
0:29:13 > 0:29:14No pulling!
0:29:21 > 0:29:23Ooh, I think I found a light.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34- Maybe leave the light off.- Yeah.
0:29:34 > 0:29:35Yeah.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42Anyone want a peanut?
0:29:42 > 0:29:44No.
0:29:44 > 0:29:49I really thought time travel would be a bit more thrilling than this.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52Mm. I know what you mean.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55Oh. Oh, no, wait a minute.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58- Oh, my God!- What?
0:29:58 > 0:30:03- We're half an hour in the past. She's still here.- Oh!
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Have they paid you yet? I could get you a tip.
0:30:07 > 0:30:11Not in a stripper kind of way, because obviously you're not a stripper.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14But you'd make a good one. You'd make a fine one.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16I'm sure you'd look great naked.
0:30:16 > 0:30:20Wait a minute. What's this?
0:30:22 > 0:30:24I can feel a fir tree through here.
0:30:24 > 0:30:28There's... There's a whole other world back here
0:30:28 > 0:30:31with snow and thorns and talking lions!
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Is there?
0:30:33 > 0:30:34No.
0:30:34 > 0:30:35Dick.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39I love Narnia.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43Bye, Ray.
0:30:49 > 0:30:50Cassie! Cassie!
0:30:50 > 0:30:53Ray, I really have to go.
0:30:53 > 0:30:57Oh, no, no, no! You think I'm him? I'm not him.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59I mean, obviously, I am.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01Cassie, we really need your help.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03First of all, I now believe you are a time traveller.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05Sorry about doubting you there,
0:31:05 > 0:31:09- and sorry about the whole stripper, space woman thing.- OK.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13And second of all, I think we found your time leak. It's in the gents.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19Oh, oh, very good. Very good.
0:31:19 > 0:31:21So the leak is, er...?
0:31:21 > 0:31:25In a toilet. Yes, yes! It seems the universe has a sense of humour.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28And it's very funny, and quick, too.
0:31:28 > 0:31:29You don't believe me.
0:31:29 > 0:31:31- Touche.- Oh, no. No, no!
0:31:31 > 0:31:35This is for real, OK? Pete saw dead bodies in the pub.
0:31:35 > 0:31:40OK, well, I've got to go climb back into my spaceship and disappear.
0:31:40 > 0:31:44Look, why else would I have two men in this cupboard?
0:31:44 > 0:31:46I'll see you around, future boy.
0:31:46 > 0:31:50Wait, Cassie! Cassie!
0:31:52 > 0:31:54I think it's time we had another little chat.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00So you're sure we're OK out here?
0:32:00 > 0:32:04Yes, we're fine. No-one's due out in the garden for another 23 minutes.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06OK. Good.
0:32:06 > 0:32:07Um...
0:32:10 > 0:32:12So this is a bit of a new look for you.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14- Do you like it?- Yes.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17I mean, you know, it's very nice.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20- Very quick, too. - Well, not from my point of view.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23It actually took quite a bit of time to sort all this out.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26- Oh, yeah? How long?- Six months.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28So you just went through the door,
0:32:28 > 0:32:32went into the future for six months and then came back out...
0:32:32 > 0:32:34One second after I left you.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Wow!
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Oh, thank you.
0:32:40 > 0:32:41So, it's, erm...
0:32:41 > 0:32:46It's all sorted, then, with the time leak and dead bodies?
0:32:46 > 0:32:50- Yep. All sorted.- Are you sure?
0:32:50 > 0:32:54Ray, I didn't spend the last six months just dyeing my hair.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56I'm a professional.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00So what was all this about, then?
0:33:00 > 0:33:04- I'm sorry, I can't tell you. - What? Why not?
0:33:04 > 0:33:07Because that knowledge is anachronous to your time period.
0:33:07 > 0:33:11That sounded like you really knew what you were talking about.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13I know, I know! It's great, isn't it?
0:33:13 > 0:33:17I did what you told me and started saying everything with confidence,
0:33:17 > 0:33:18even if I don't have a clue.
0:33:18 > 0:33:24It's just had an amazing effect. I even got a promotion.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27Really? You got a promotion?
0:33:27 > 0:33:31Well, I got off probation.
0:33:31 > 0:33:35Mmm. That's pretty much the same.
0:33:35 > 0:33:37Yeah.
0:33:38 > 0:33:43And what did you reckon to me avoiding that paradox in there?
0:33:44 > 0:33:46Ray, you hid in a cupboard.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48I thought I did well under the circumstances.
0:33:48 > 0:33:51I mean, sure, I don't have a manual to ignore.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Will you stop it with the manual?
0:33:56 > 0:33:59So, how do we get back to the right time?
0:33:59 > 0:34:03Well, er... we're nearly there, anyway.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07- So we just wait?- Yeah.
0:34:07 > 0:34:08In the cupboard?
0:34:08 > 0:34:10I'm afraid so.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14No glowing portal?
0:34:14 > 0:34:16No vortex? No big starship?
0:34:18 > 0:34:21- Just sit and wait in the cupboard? - Yeah.
0:34:21 > 0:34:25Not exactly the glamour that I had expected from time travel.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28I did warn you.
0:34:28 > 0:34:33Any chance I could wait out here with you?
0:34:33 > 0:34:36- Why?- Just, erm, because...
0:34:36 > 0:34:41It's better than wedging myself in a cupboard with two very sweaty men.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Not a good thing.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46No. No, I imagine not.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48So, we'll just hang out here for a while.
0:34:48 > 0:34:51Yeah. That'd be nice.
0:34:51 > 0:34:53DOOR OPENS
0:34:55 > 0:34:57I thought you said we had 20 minutes.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00Yeah. Oh, it's...
0:35:01 > 0:35:04..not a problem.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07Uh, I'm just going to go check that out
0:35:07 > 0:35:10and maybe you should get back in that cupboard.
0:35:10 > 0:35:12But everything's going to be OK?
0:35:12 > 0:35:16Ray, relax. I told you, I'm a professional.
0:35:21 > 0:35:26Well, they do say that things taste better outside.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30Thank God.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33Things taste better outside...
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Twat!
0:35:36 > 0:35:39- THEY YELL IN THE MEN'S TOILET - Hang on.
0:35:39 > 0:35:40Pack it in. >
0:35:40 > 0:35:42This is it.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44Hello, Petey. Change your mind?
0:35:44 > 0:35:46No. Just going to watch from here.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Shit, shit, shit! What the fuck are you doing?
0:35:56 > 0:36:00- Where are you going?- I need a piss. - You can't go in there! - You said your woman fixed it.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04I'm sure she has, but the other us might still be in there.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09Oh, my...! Just go to the ladies'.
0:36:11 > 0:36:13Ladies'?
0:36:19 > 0:36:23- I'm confused.- You're pissing in the ladies', of course you're confused.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25So, the other versions of us...
0:36:25 > 0:36:28- Have gone back in time and become us.- Oh, you see?
0:36:28 > 0:36:30You say that like it makes sense.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32To me it's just crazy talk.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34I quite like it in the ladies'.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36I'm so confused.
0:36:36 > 0:36:38Look, Pete, don't worry about it.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41All you need to know is that we're back in the right time
0:36:41 > 0:36:43and everything is going to be OK.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Did you get that girl's number, Ray?
0:36:52 > 0:36:55- Oh, shit.- You said she'd fixed it.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57She said she had.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00Maybe she didn't expect us to go into the ladies'.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02And we didn't do that conga thing.
0:37:02 > 0:37:04Yeah, maybe that wasn't vital.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08- Oh, fuck this, lads.- No, Pete, wait!
0:37:08 > 0:37:12- Oh!- Maybe he's got the right idea. - Yeah, maybe.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Don't go in!
0:37:15 > 0:37:18Oh! Oh, thank God!
0:37:18 > 0:37:19It's so good to see you again.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21At last!
0:37:21 > 0:37:25- What the hell happened to you? - I don't want to talk about it.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27Let's never speak of this again.
0:37:27 > 0:37:31Er, Pete, have you got shit on you?
0:37:31 > 0:37:32Yeah!
0:37:32 > 0:37:34- They won't attack you if you wear their scent.- Who won't?
0:37:34 > 0:37:37I don't want to talk about it.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40- Ray?- Yeah?- What shall we do now?
0:37:40 > 0:37:43- Don't know. - Shall we go back into the toilets?
0:37:43 > 0:37:45- Yeah.- No!
0:37:45 > 0:37:49It's not safe. We need weapons and food.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52What the hell did happen to you?
0:37:52 > 0:37:54I really don't want to talk about it.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57All I will say is that weapons and food
0:37:57 > 0:37:59would be a really good idea.
0:38:01 > 0:38:02Eugh!
0:38:02 > 0:38:05Maybe we'll have a look around for weapons and food first.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07Yeah. Sounds like a plan.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29What do you think happened?
0:38:36 > 0:38:40- You're a little bit excited, aren't you?- A little bit!
0:38:40 > 0:38:43Come on, it's the future!
0:38:43 > 0:38:45I've always wanted to go there.
0:38:45 > 0:38:49Not alone any more. No more running. No more hiding. No more bad dreams.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52You know, for someone who really doesn't want to talk about it,
0:38:52 > 0:38:54he can be quite chatty, can't he?
0:38:54 > 0:38:57Weapons and food. That's what we need.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33Crisp, anyone?
0:39:42 > 0:39:44Have you checked the sell-by date on those?
0:39:46 > 0:39:48May...
0:39:50 > 0:39:522094.
0:39:53 > 0:39:54How do they taste?
0:39:56 > 0:39:57Off.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03So, whose round is it?
0:40:03 > 0:40:05- Ah.- Er.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07Guys...
0:40:07 > 0:40:08I think I've seen us.
0:40:08 > 0:40:13- What?- One time I bumped into three guys who were dressed like this.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16Like we are now.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19Only I didn't recognise us.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22- Us? In the future?- Must have been.
0:40:22 > 0:40:24But we've only just put these on.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27It's time travel. Shit like that happens.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29Did we look well?
0:40:29 > 0:40:31Yeah, I suppose so.
0:40:31 > 0:40:34Too busy running in the other direction to notice.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Come on. Let's get back to the toilets.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41Whoa, whoa! What?
0:40:41 > 0:40:43But we've only just got here.
0:40:44 > 0:40:48I think we've all got the idea, haven't we? The future's broken.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51We have to have a little look around. I mean, how can we not?
0:40:51 > 0:40:54- Are you serious? - Have you actually looked out there?
0:40:54 > 0:40:57This might just be a bad area.
0:40:57 > 0:41:01In a bad area, all right, windows get put through, kids drink on corners. That is the end of the fucking world!
0:41:01 > 0:41:05Ray, don't you want to go home?
0:41:05 > 0:41:07Of course I do.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10Just, you know, in a little while.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13The way home isn't out there, it's in there,
0:41:13 > 0:41:17and I want to go home. I really do, and every time I go in and come out,
0:41:17 > 0:41:19I pray I'll be in the right time.
0:41:19 > 0:41:22One day I will be.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24Pete, exactly how long have you been doing this?
0:41:24 > 0:41:28Long enough to know it's better to hunt in packs...
0:41:28 > 0:41:32- That doesn't sound good.- So they can't attack from behind.- Or that.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35Let's just sit down, all right,
0:41:35 > 0:41:40in the warm and wait...for rescue, OK?
0:41:40 > 0:41:43Rescue? No-one knows we're here. At least out there,
0:41:43 > 0:41:46there might be someone who can help us.
0:41:46 > 0:41:48- Like who?- I don't know. Like...
0:41:48 > 0:41:50Oh, like friendly future people with huge heads.
0:41:50 > 0:41:55You're living in a dream world, both of you!
0:41:55 > 0:41:57I'm going to go and get a bit of wood.
0:41:57 > 0:41:58Thanks, Pete.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Not for the fire. I'm going to turn this into a spear.
0:42:01 > 0:42:02And when I get back, you two,
0:42:02 > 0:42:07you'd better be ready to go cos I'm not going alone again.
0:42:10 > 0:42:13- What's up with you?- What?
0:42:13 > 0:42:16How many times have we talked about seeing the future, Tobe?
0:42:16 > 0:42:19I'm not going out there. Those look like the sort of streets
0:42:19 > 0:42:21monsters run down.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24Besides, I haven't really got the right shoes on for the rubble.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27There's always something, with you, Tobe, isn't there?
0:42:27 > 0:42:31"Oh, I couldn't send my script out, the margins were too wide.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34"I couldn't go to that job interview, there was a spot on my elbow.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37"I can't go exploring, it's the end of the world!"
0:42:37 > 0:42:40That last one's actually quite a good one.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42No, it's fine. You just...
0:42:42 > 0:42:44You just wait there.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46For rescue.
0:42:47 > 0:42:51And you call yourself an imagineer?
0:43:40 > 0:43:43Ray? Ray?
0:43:43 > 0:43:45Toby!
0:43:45 > 0:43:49- Pete!- What's going on? Are you OK?
0:43:54 > 0:43:56Is everything all right out here?
0:43:57 > 0:43:59Oh, my God.
0:44:13 > 0:44:16What does it mean, Ray? What does it mean?
0:44:16 > 0:44:18- It's us.- Do you think?
0:44:23 > 0:44:27Your woman said you'd get famous, right?
0:44:27 > 0:44:30- Well, maybe we ALL do.- What for?
0:44:30 > 0:44:34I don't know. Maybe we form a band.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Can anybody play anything?
0:44:40 > 0:44:41Maybe we learn.
0:44:41 > 0:44:44And maybe it's not a band.
0:44:45 > 0:44:49Do you think they did it from photos, or do you think we posed?
0:44:49 > 0:44:51We're dressed as we are now.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53Yeah, that's a head-fuck.
0:44:55 > 0:45:00- Whoa! What was that?- What was what?
0:45:00 > 0:45:03- A noise.- There is no noise.
0:45:03 > 0:45:04Pete?
0:45:04 > 0:45:08- CREAKING - Shit. What the fuck was that?
0:45:08 > 0:45:11Sounded like mandibles.
0:45:11 > 0:45:14- What?- It's what insects eat with. - I know what mandibles are.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17- Big insects.- There was another sound, like a moaning sound.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20Big, moaning insects.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22- Back to the toilets.- No, wait.
0:45:22 > 0:45:25- We don't know that for sure. - It needn't be insects. It could be, um, anything.
0:45:25 > 0:45:28Right. It could be my big friendly future people.
0:45:28 > 0:45:31You know, with their spindly bodies and their huge hands.
0:45:56 > 0:45:58I think we got a little bit spooked over nothing.
0:45:58 > 0:46:01Shh! Things can come in here as well you know.
0:46:01 > 0:46:03- Things? What kind of things?- Sshh.
0:46:03 > 0:46:07- No, I will not sshhh! You are freaking me out! - Toby, leave him alone.
0:46:07 > 0:46:11No, no, Ray. Look at him. He's covered in shit and scared shitless.
0:46:11 > 0:46:13Don't you think it'd be handy to know what did that?
0:46:13 > 0:46:16Aren't you just a little curious about how come he's...
0:46:16 > 0:46:19Sshh!
0:46:19 > 0:46:22One time I came in here
0:46:22 > 0:46:24and went out through that door
0:46:24 > 0:46:28and I fell. It must have been when the ground level was different.
0:46:28 > 0:46:3040 feet different.
0:46:30 > 0:46:32I landed in a wood.
0:46:32 > 0:46:35I couldn't tell you what time I was in.
0:46:35 > 0:46:38If it was the past, our fossil records are far from complete.
0:46:38 > 0:46:42- But I wasn't the first to fall. - You met other people?
0:46:42 > 0:46:44I didn't say they were alive.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48There was things in that wood
0:46:48 > 0:46:50that only came out at night.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53The breathing.
0:46:53 > 0:46:55The noises.
0:46:55 > 0:46:58The screams.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00SCREAMING
0:47:00 > 0:47:03- Pack it in!- Change your mind?
0:47:03 > 0:47:06Shit, shit, shit! What the fuck are you doing?
0:47:06 > 0:47:10If you've anything planned, you're going to get it, too. It's us!
0:47:10 > 0:47:14I haven't got anything planned.
0:47:14 > 0:47:17- We can warn ourselves. - If we do, then we cease to exist.
0:47:17 > 0:47:18Exactly.
0:47:25 > 0:47:27Ray, check the loos.
0:47:27 > 0:47:30He's probably got some bloke in a Scream mask.
0:47:30 > 0:47:33Not a fucking sound.
0:47:34 > 0:47:38- Oh. Really does stink in here.- You might as well just pay me now.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42It's like a dung-y, zoo-y...
0:47:42 > 0:47:43It's Pete's bullshit you can smell.
0:47:43 > 0:47:46Listen! This isn't a wind-up.
0:47:47 > 0:47:51Do you really want to see the future?
0:47:51 > 0:47:54- I'd love to. - You've got to do exactly what I did.
0:47:54 > 0:47:57What do you mean?
0:47:57 > 0:48:01# A total eclipse...
0:48:01 > 0:48:03# Of the heart. #
0:48:14 > 0:48:16They've gone.
0:48:16 > 0:48:18Oh, that's just great!
0:48:18 > 0:48:19That's just fucking great!
0:48:19 > 0:48:22I could have saved myself. Saved us!
0:48:22 > 0:48:24Pete, we'll cease to exist!
0:48:24 > 0:48:27Yeah, well, I don't care! If I get the chance to warn myself again,
0:48:27 > 0:48:32I'm going to do it and to hell with anyone who tries to stop me.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34Oh, shit!
0:48:34 > 0:48:37- I was wondering when that would happen.- Wait!
0:48:37 > 0:48:38Pete, no!
0:48:46 > 0:48:48- What is this? - OK, Ray. Keep it together.
0:48:48 > 0:48:51What would Miss Marple do? What would Miss Marple do?
0:48:51 > 0:48:53There's hundreds of us.
0:48:53 > 0:48:54How can there be hundreds of us?
0:48:54 > 0:48:57Did Pete touch himself? Is this what happens when you do a big paradox?
0:48:57 > 0:48:59They aren't us, Tobe.
0:48:59 > 0:49:02- They're only dressed like us. - Ah, well, that's all right, then.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04Now it makes complete sense(!)
0:49:04 > 0:49:08OK, what we need to do now is find Pete and get the hell out of here.
0:49:08 > 0:49:11MUSIC: "The Land Of Make Believe" by Bucks Fizz
0:49:45 > 0:49:48Tobe? I think I know why everyone is dressed like us.
0:49:48 > 0:49:50- Why?- It's a theme night.
0:49:50 > 0:49:53A fan theme night, based around us.
0:49:53 > 0:49:57Come on! That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it? What makes you think that?
0:49:57 > 0:49:59Big sign just over there.
0:50:02 > 0:50:05Fans...of us.
0:50:05 > 0:50:10- Do you think we're here?- What? - The famous future us.- Oh, my God.
0:50:10 > 0:50:12I hope not.
0:50:16 > 0:50:19Yes, it is me! Hello!
0:50:19 > 0:50:23- What the hell are you doing? - Chill out, Ray. These are my people!
0:50:23 > 0:50:25No, they're not, and this isn't even our time!
0:50:25 > 0:50:28Can't we just soak up a bit of a laugh?
0:50:28 > 0:50:30No, we can't.
0:50:30 > 0:50:32Now, this is what I call a future.
0:50:32 > 0:50:33Well, tough,
0:50:33 > 0:50:37because we are just here to find Pete and get the hell out of here.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39So you just stay where I can see you.
0:50:45 > 0:50:47Guys? Is it the real you?
0:50:47 > 0:50:50- It's the real us.- Oh!
0:50:50 > 0:50:51Did you touch yourself?
0:50:51 > 0:50:55No, but I think I've broken time.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58- The whole world is full of us! - You haven't broken time...- Yes, Pete.
0:50:58 > 0:51:01What you did was very, very dangerous.
0:51:01 > 0:51:04I want you to promise me that you will never do it again.
0:51:04 > 0:51:06- No.- What's that?
0:51:06 > 0:51:09Someone slapped it on me.
0:51:09 > 0:51:11He's won the Pete look-alike competition.
0:51:11 > 0:51:13Well, he does look a lot like him.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15You do. I wonder if they did one for me?
0:51:22 > 0:51:26- OK, let's go.- Oh, guys.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28What?
0:51:28 > 0:51:29Look.
0:51:29 > 0:51:31Oh!
0:51:31 > 0:51:33Look at the table.
0:51:33 > 0:51:35I'm writing.
0:51:35 > 0:51:38I'm Jesus and I'm writing.
0:51:41 > 0:51:43It's that letter thing to Hollywood.
0:51:43 > 0:51:44This isn't my fault as well, is it?
0:51:44 > 0:51:46When I broke time.
0:51:46 > 0:51:49This is probably something else, Pete.
0:51:49 > 0:51:50Are you sure it's that letter?
0:51:50 > 0:51:54It's blank in the painting, but I left it on that table.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56It has to be that.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59Someone does a painting of us because we slag off some films?
0:51:59 > 0:52:02Of course it sounds stupid if you put it like that.
0:52:02 > 0:52:05- You ripped that page out of your little book, right?- Yeah.
0:52:05 > 0:52:08- And?- Was there anything on the back?
0:52:09 > 0:52:12- Might've been.- Might have been?
0:52:12 > 0:52:15Shut up. I'm just trying to think.
0:52:15 > 0:52:18You know, every time I come up with a genius idea,
0:52:18 > 0:52:22or one of you says something stupid, I put it in there.
0:52:22 > 0:52:24God, it could be anything.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27- It doesn't matter what it is, does it?- What do you mean?
0:52:27 > 0:52:31Well, you don't do paintings of nobodies.
0:52:31 > 0:52:33Whatever I wrote, it turned us into somebodies.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36I think it is safe to say, we are rich and we are famous!
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Then, why aren't we smiling?
0:52:38 > 0:52:41I don't know. Maybe the artist wasn't very good at teeth.
0:52:41 > 0:52:43- Maybe it's a memorial?- Oh!
0:52:43 > 0:52:45Drop it with the bodies.
0:52:45 > 0:52:47His woman said she'd fixed it.
0:52:47 > 0:52:50Oh, yeah. She said she'd fixed the time leak and I end up getting chased about by monsters.
0:52:50 > 0:52:55If Cassie said that we are safe, then we are safe. I trust her.
0:52:55 > 0:52:57- Are you sure?- Yes.
0:52:57 > 0:52:58Sure.
0:52:58 > 0:53:02- Let's go.- Whoa! Slow down!
0:53:02 > 0:53:04Got to finish this drink.
0:53:04 > 0:53:05Where did you get that?
0:53:05 > 0:53:08Some waiter guy. It's a free bar.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11- Would you like to stock up on the buffet while we're here(?) - There's a buffet?!
0:53:11 > 0:53:15Hey, guys. The cavalry's here.
0:53:15 > 0:53:17- Cassie says hello.- You know Cassie?
0:53:17 > 0:53:20I trained her. Sergeant Porter, Causal Adjust.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23But you can call me Millie. Hi!
0:53:23 > 0:53:25- I'm here to get you home. - Oh, hello, Millie!- Hi!
0:53:25 > 0:53:29- We have been looking for you guys everywhere!- Oh, so are we safe?
0:53:29 > 0:53:31We don't get killed?
0:53:31 > 0:53:36Oh, well, officially I can't comment, but unofficially everything's sorted.
0:53:38 > 0:53:41But I still get rich and famous, right?
0:53:41 > 0:53:44Officially I cannot comment but, unofficially, you get your own island.
0:53:44 > 0:53:47Yes!
0:53:47 > 0:53:49- So how the hell do we get out of here?- Leave that to me.- OK.
0:53:49 > 0:53:52OK. Come on.
0:53:52 > 0:53:57OK, a little bit weird but, erm, it turns out everybody in the future is American.
0:53:57 > 0:54:00Come on.
0:54:07 > 0:54:11- I thought she'd do something more than tell us to get back in the bogs.- Yeah.
0:54:11 > 0:54:14- Me, too.- So, are we back?
0:54:20 > 0:54:22We're back!
0:54:22 > 0:54:26Yeah, but at what time of night exactly?
0:54:31 > 0:54:37- We can't slag off sequels. There have been some really good sequels.- Like?
0:54:37 > 0:54:39Like, er...
0:54:39 > 0:54:42Mad Max II, Godfather II.
0:54:42 > 0:54:44Yeah, well, for every good one there are...
0:54:44 > 0:54:46I wish they'd hurry up and bugger off.
0:54:46 > 0:54:51- It's going to be a little while. - Look at us. Not a care in the world.
0:54:51 > 0:54:53They have no idea what's in store.
0:54:53 > 0:54:57Yeah. We look so happy.
0:55:00 > 0:55:04OK, ladies. Um, we know they stay there for a while.
0:55:04 > 0:55:06I think it's worth the risk.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11- Going to get some peanuts. - Didn't shake hands.
0:55:11 > 0:55:15What? What are you, 12?
0:55:15 > 0:55:17I swear to you, I saw myself right here.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23Where are my crisps? I'm starving.
0:55:23 > 0:55:25The bar was a little busy.
0:55:25 > 0:55:27Maybe later.
0:55:27 > 0:55:30Well, get my money ready.
0:55:30 > 0:55:33Are we going to go in? Brilliant!
0:55:34 > 0:55:39- Am I really that fat?- Well, they say that time travel adds 20lb.
0:55:39 > 0:55:40And you've travelled a lot.
0:55:43 > 0:55:45- Are those two dead?- What?
0:55:45 > 0:55:47What do you mean?
0:55:47 > 0:55:50- Are those two dead?- Oh, no, not yet.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55Finally.
0:56:05 > 0:56:07- Are we ready, children?- Come on.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09Get on with it!
0:56:11 > 0:56:14ALL: Ah!
0:56:14 > 0:56:17- Well, I never!- It's nuts.
0:56:17 > 0:56:19I never would've thought it was that.
0:56:22 > 0:56:25So, do we just leave it here?
0:56:25 > 0:56:30Yeah. Yeah, I assume someone just finds it and it all goes from there.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35I think, er... I think I feel good about it.
0:56:35 > 0:56:39You feel good about it, Tobe?
0:56:39 > 0:56:41It was my idea.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43- My idea.- Our idea.
0:56:43 > 0:56:46You might have come up with the seed, but I watered it.
0:56:46 > 0:56:49Yes, but without our seed you have nothing.
0:56:49 > 0:56:52Yeah, you got mud.
0:56:52 > 0:56:55- All right. You can have a little bit of my island.- Screw that!
0:56:55 > 0:56:57I don't want to live on your island.
0:56:57 > 0:56:59Fine by me.
0:56:59 > 0:57:01I need a piss.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03Yes, I'll go outside.
0:57:03 > 0:57:05And don't touch yourself.
0:57:05 > 0:57:06Oh-ho.
0:57:06 > 0:57:09Yeah. Good times.
0:57:10 > 0:57:11I want my own island.
0:57:24 > 0:57:27- Hi!- Hi!
0:57:29 > 0:57:32I was, er, hoping you'd come back.
0:57:32 > 0:57:35Obviously not at that precise moment, but, erm, hey.
0:57:40 > 0:57:43So, how long has it been for you since we were last...?
0:57:43 > 0:57:46Oh, another six months.
0:57:46 > 0:57:48I got a promotion.
0:57:48 > 0:57:51- Oh.- This time it's for real.
0:57:51 > 0:57:55Yeah, it was for sorting all this out, so...
0:57:55 > 0:58:00- You want to ask me if I read the whole manual. - Thought never even crossed my mind.
0:58:00 > 0:58:03Well, Ray, I am rewriting the manual.
0:58:03 > 0:58:05Good for you.
0:58:05 > 0:58:09So, erm, you have a nice night tonight?
0:58:09 > 0:58:15Oh, you know, just a quiet drink with the boys in the pub. Very dull.
0:58:15 > 0:58:20- I did meet this one girl, though. - Really?- She said she was from the future.
0:58:20 > 0:58:24- What was she like?- She was just...
0:58:26 > 0:58:29- ..awful.- Oh!- Oh, no, she was great.
0:58:29 > 0:58:31She was great.
0:58:33 > 0:58:35You know, I'd never thought I'd say it but...
0:58:35 > 0:58:37it's good to be back in the present.
0:58:38 > 0:58:41I don't know. All this fuss over half an hour.
0:58:41 > 0:58:43What?! What are you talking about?
0:58:43 > 0:58:45We went years in the future.
0:58:45 > 0:58:47- Decades.- Oh? That's very funny.
0:58:47 > 0:58:50Cassie, I'm deadly serious.
0:58:50 > 0:58:54We went into the ladies' through another time leak.
0:58:54 > 0:58:57It brought us to this pub, but in the future, way into the future.
0:58:57 > 0:59:00You were searching for us. Millie and you. Causal Adjust.
0:59:00 > 0:59:03- Ray, Causal Adjust is another name for the Editors.- The who?
0:59:03 > 0:59:06I told you about them. They kill people at their finest hour.
0:59:06 > 0:59:10- Millie's an Editor, Ray.- Oh, shit!
0:59:10 > 0:59:12But she brought us back here. Why would she do that?
0:59:12 > 0:59:15Why do you think? To kill you!
0:59:15 > 0:59:17Oh, no!
0:59:17 > 0:59:21- What do we do? - OK, well, I'm going to go get help and you just stay put.
0:59:21 > 0:59:23I've got to warn the boys!
0:59:23 > 0:59:25- Ray, it's not safe in there! - I can't just leave them, Cassie!
0:59:25 > 0:59:29Look, you bring help and I'll, er,
0:59:29 > 0:59:31- do what I can.- Ray!
0:59:31 > 0:59:35Please be careful.
0:59:44 > 0:59:46- Guys, we're screwed.- What?
0:59:46 > 0:59:48- Millie is an Editor.- A what?
0:59:48 > 0:59:52An Editor. Remember, they kill people in their finest hour?
0:59:52 > 0:59:55Like Kevin Costner? And I think that this...this was ours.
0:59:55 > 0:59:57Come on. Let's get out of here.
0:59:59 > 1:00:02No, no, no. Wait. There's no point.
1:00:02 > 1:00:05There's no point, they'll only find us. Some other time, some other place.
1:00:05 > 1:00:07- What do we do, Ray?- That's odd.
1:00:07 > 1:00:10I can't get a signal.
1:00:10 > 1:00:12- We burn this.- What? - We burn this, we change history.
1:00:12 > 1:00:15Without this they have no reason to kill us.
1:00:15 > 1:00:18- You don't know for sure if we're in danger.- Cassie said...
1:00:18 > 1:00:20- I don't care what she said!- Tobe, I saw this place full of bodies.
1:00:20 > 1:00:24Ray, just think about what you're throwing away, all right?
1:00:24 > 1:00:27- If you burn that, we don't get rich, we don't get famous. - We don't get dead!
1:00:27 > 1:00:30Look, I've come up with a lot of ideas, a lot of shit ideas.
1:00:30 > 1:00:33- Tobe! - I know you laugh at them but...
1:00:33 > 1:00:36I don't mind, because I thought, you know, if I keep going then...
1:00:36 > 1:00:38one day I'd come up with something good.
1:00:38 > 1:00:41But what if this is it? The one idea that makes it for me?
1:00:41 > 1:00:42My one chance...
1:00:44 > 1:00:45Don't burn it, Ray.
1:00:45 > 1:00:47It's not even your idea. I say we burn it.
1:00:47 > 1:00:50Well, you fucking would! You've always hated my ideas!
1:00:50 > 1:00:52- It's not even your idea! - Guys, guys! OK, guys.
1:00:52 > 1:00:54We don't have time for this!
1:00:54 > 1:00:57Just, Pete, give me the lighter.
1:01:05 > 1:01:08- Pete, what's up with this? - Two months in a wood trying
1:01:08 > 1:01:10to stay alive, that's what's up with the lighter.
1:01:10 > 1:01:12OK. You keep trying.
1:01:12 > 1:01:13I'm going to get some matches.
1:01:16 > 1:01:18- Give me a go.- No.- Give me a go. I'll be fine, just give me a go.
1:01:18 > 1:01:20Excuse me...
1:01:22 > 1:01:24- Hi.- Hey! What's happening?
1:01:24 > 1:01:27- We're on our own. I'm offline. - What do you mean?
1:01:27 > 1:01:30- My time machine inside me, it's blocked.- Give me the letter.
1:01:30 > 1:01:32- Just give it me.- No way.
1:01:32 > 1:01:34Give me the fucking letter, Pete!
1:01:34 > 1:01:36Not a chance!
1:01:36 > 1:01:39And so you deny me three times. That's why you were in the painting!
1:01:39 > 1:01:40- You're Judas!- Excuse me!
1:01:40 > 1:01:42All I want is a box of matches.
1:01:42 > 1:01:44What's your point?
1:01:44 > 1:01:49In the Bible, it's Peter who denies Jesus three times.
1:01:49 > 1:01:51You fat twat!
1:01:51 > 1:01:55Hey! That's enough, lads! Time in the bar!
1:01:55 > 1:01:57Get off me, you bell-end!
1:02:04 > 1:02:07This is it.
1:02:11 > 1:02:12Hi!
1:02:14 > 1:02:17I have seen the original before, of course,
1:02:17 > 1:02:22but in a museum, so to be here tonight with the creators on the night it all began...
1:02:23 > 1:02:25is just such a rush.
1:02:25 > 1:02:29But I am sorry to say, tonight is as good as it gets.
1:02:29 > 1:02:32You don't change or add to culture in any meaningful way.
1:02:32 > 1:02:35This is what you're always going to be remembered for,
1:02:35 > 1:02:39so why not go out with a bang rather than fade away?
1:02:39 > 1:02:41Get away from him, you bitch!
1:02:41 > 1:02:44Hello! I'm sorry.
1:02:44 > 1:02:47I'm pointing a rather large gun at you!
1:02:47 > 1:02:50Er, yeah, which you got from when, exactly?
1:02:50 > 1:02:52Centuries beyond your time.
1:02:52 > 1:02:54So, what is it?
1:02:56 > 1:02:58What is it?
1:03:00 > 1:03:02I'll tell you... I'll tell you what it is.
1:03:03 > 1:03:06It's a Mark IV Corbomite Assault Staff.
1:03:06 > 1:03:08The Planetary Peace Corp's best friend.
1:03:08 > 1:03:13It'll work in an absolute vacuum and in absolute zero. Cold fusion battery, good for 50 years.
1:03:13 > 1:03:18It fires homing plasma orbs that will cut through titanium plate four inches thick.
1:03:18 > 1:03:19Really?
1:03:19 > 1:03:21Well...
1:03:21 > 1:03:23You didn't, like,
1:03:23 > 1:03:26- mention its range. - I'd hit you from here.
1:03:30 > 1:03:32Now get off the big guy.
1:03:36 > 1:03:40Millie, I know what you're trying to do.
1:03:40 > 1:03:43The future generations leading from this room that wouldn't be born.
1:03:43 > 1:03:48Chaos Theory on a massive scale... Oh! Oh!
1:03:49 > 1:03:50Cassie?
1:03:50 > 1:03:52- Cassie?- Right, that's it!
1:03:52 > 1:03:54I'm calling the police.
1:03:54 > 1:03:56SCREAMING
1:03:57 > 1:03:59Oh, stop it. Fucking stop it!
1:03:59 > 1:04:04- Everybody freeze! Ain't nobody going nowhere!- Hey! Drop your weapons!
1:04:04 > 1:04:07You see any weapons, Ray?
1:04:07 > 1:04:11See, my time machine has a built-in armament system.
1:04:11 > 1:04:13So, to drop my weapons would require about...
1:04:13 > 1:04:16yeah, 12 hours of surgery.
1:04:16 > 1:04:21You know what? I think we're going to have a little stand-off here today.
1:04:21 > 1:04:25Oh...unless, of course, you're bluffing.
1:04:25 > 1:04:31Unless, of course, that is a plastic toy gun you made for work, Ray.
1:04:32 > 1:04:35Oh, poo!
1:04:39 > 1:04:41That's a nice try.
1:04:41 > 1:04:43I messed up, Ray.
1:04:43 > 1:04:45- I'm sorry.- Don't worry about it.
1:04:45 > 1:04:48All in all, it's been a pretty good day.
1:04:48 > 1:04:50I travelled through time. I met you.
1:04:50 > 1:04:53You know what?
1:04:53 > 1:04:59I am sensing a little bit of resistance to this whole immortality deal I am offering here.
1:05:01 > 1:05:05Toby, all you have to do is destroy that little piece of paper
1:05:05 > 1:05:11and you get to live to write another day in your book of bad ideas and your dead-end job.
1:05:11 > 1:05:15Wow! Or you could give it to me
1:05:15 > 1:05:18and I'll turn you all into legends.
1:05:18 > 1:05:20What do you say?
1:05:22 > 1:05:24Come on, Tobe.
1:05:25 > 1:05:28I just need a little time to think.
1:05:28 > 1:05:32- What is there to think about? She's going to fucking kill us! - It's not that simple.
1:05:40 > 1:05:43Now, this is his choice and his alone.
1:05:43 > 1:05:46MUSIC: "The Land Of Make Believe" by Bucks Fizz
1:05:46 > 1:05:49Oh, no! The song!
1:05:49 > 1:05:53- This fucking song!- If there was one thing I could change about this
1:05:53 > 1:05:56situation, it would not be the song on the fucking jukebox!
1:05:56 > 1:05:59Time's up.
1:06:00 > 1:06:03Now, what's it going to be?
1:06:20 > 1:06:22Toby...
1:06:30 > 1:06:32(Fuck you!) CHUCK IT!
1:06:39 > 1:06:42No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
1:09:38 > 1:09:40Wow!
1:09:51 > 1:09:54- Did you do that?- Yep.
1:09:54 > 1:09:56With my pint?
1:09:56 > 1:09:58Were we just dead?
1:09:58 > 1:10:00Yeah.
1:10:00 > 1:10:01But now we're not.
1:10:01 > 1:10:06- No.- So, what happened exactly? - I knocked a pint onto this...
1:10:06 > 1:10:08MY pint, MY pint.
1:10:09 > 1:10:13I knocked Pete's pint onto this, so no-one could read it.
1:10:13 > 1:10:17So the future then changed because we didn't become famous,
1:10:17 > 1:10:19so the Editors didn't send anybody to kill us.
1:10:19 > 1:10:21Wow.
1:10:21 > 1:10:26- I think you got that wrong.- Why?
1:10:26 > 1:10:28Pete downed his pint, didn't he?
1:10:28 > 1:10:31So, that was probably MY pint.
1:10:31 > 1:10:36Jesus! Could we focus on the "us being alive again" thing?
1:10:36 > 1:10:39- Well, yeah, obviously. Well done, Ray.- Is that it?
1:10:39 > 1:10:42Is it all over?
1:10:42 > 1:10:45- We're all OK?- Yeah, I think so.
1:10:45 > 1:10:48Wow.
1:10:48 > 1:10:51I've gone off this pub a little bit.
1:10:51 > 1:10:53- Shall we go down The King's Head? - Why not?
1:10:53 > 1:10:54So, everything that happened...
1:10:54 > 1:10:57Couldn't happen. Didn't happen.
1:10:58 > 1:11:01Including me meeting Cassie.
1:11:04 > 1:11:06Yeah.
1:11:06 > 1:11:08Come on, let's go.
1:11:12 > 1:11:16I swear I will never use a pub toilet again. It's too dangerous.
1:11:16 > 1:11:19- And that's all you're taking away from this evening?- No!
1:11:19 > 1:11:21So, we're definitely safe now, yeah?
1:11:21 > 1:11:24- I suppose. - Suppose?! You're the nerds.
1:11:24 > 1:11:26- Can't you work it out?- Well, yeah.
1:11:26 > 1:11:30Time resets, so the pub was never full of dead people.
1:11:30 > 1:11:31So, you owe me a tenner. Come on.
1:11:31 > 1:11:35OK, then, if time reset, the bet never happened.
1:11:46 > 1:11:49Well, I did only say suppose.
1:11:54 > 1:11:58- It's Cassie! - Ray! Oh, thank God you're alive!
1:11:58 > 1:11:59Oh!
1:12:06 > 1:12:09So, you remember me, then?
1:12:09 > 1:12:11Of course I remember you.
1:12:11 > 1:12:16- We've been going out for two years. - We've what?! Really? Two years?
1:12:16 > 1:12:19- Yeah.- That's, er, wow! Oh, er...
1:12:20 > 1:12:22Right, this is Pete and Tobe.
1:12:22 > 1:12:24- Hiya.- Hello.
1:12:24 > 1:12:26This is Cassie.
1:12:26 > 1:12:28She's my girlfriend.
1:12:28 > 1:12:32Ray, listen, when you knocked that pint over,
1:12:32 > 1:12:34you created a feedback loop through the fabric of space-time.
1:12:34 > 1:12:38- The repercussions have been enormous. Leaks everywhere.- Whoa!
1:12:38 > 1:12:41Two years, huh? Wow!
1:12:41 > 1:12:45So, we must have... Have we had any of the, er...?
1:12:45 > 1:12:46Hm?
1:12:46 > 1:12:50I don't know what you're talking about.
1:12:50 > 1:12:53Unless, of course, you mean sex, which yeah, we've done that lots.
1:12:53 > 1:12:55Lots!
1:12:58 > 1:13:00Was I any good?
1:13:00 > 1:13:03Ray, I love you, but we only have 14 hours to save the Earth!
1:13:03 > 1:13:05- You have to come with me now! - Oh, OK.
1:13:05 > 1:13:07Yeah. Good luck with that, guys.
1:13:07 > 1:13:10Yeah. We'll be in The King's Head.
1:13:10 > 1:13:11What? You guys have to come, too.
1:13:11 > 1:13:14I think I've done enough time travel for one night, thanks.
1:13:14 > 1:13:16It's not time travel. It's a parallel universe.
1:13:16 > 1:13:19- Parallel universe?! - Let's go. The portal's closing!
1:13:19 > 1:13:22What the fuck's a portal?
1:13:22 > 1:13:25- Come on!- Look, why don't you two go?
1:13:25 > 1:13:28Someone should stay and look after the coats and the bags.
1:13:28 > 1:13:32- Besides, I thought I might go for your job on the Star Ride. - I was going to apply for that!
1:13:32 > 1:13:34- I said it first!- Guys, guys! Listen to yourselves! Look!
1:13:34 > 1:13:37This is our one chance to do something important.
1:13:37 > 1:13:43Yeah, we might fuck it up. To be honest, we probably will.
1:13:43 > 1:13:46OK, we definitely will, but...
1:13:46 > 1:13:48Who's with me?
1:13:48 > 1:13:51Please?
1:13:55 > 1:13:58As long as we're back for last orders.
1:13:58 > 1:14:01There's my imagineers.
1:14:04 > 1:14:07OK. Let's do this.
1:14:09 > 1:14:12One...two...
1:14:12 > 1:14:13I fucking hate sci-fi!
1:14:13 > 1:14:15Science fiction. Three!
1:14:21 > 1:14:23# It's the final countdown
1:14:28 > 1:14:31# The final countdown
1:14:37 > 1:14:40# We're leaving together
1:14:41 > 1:14:43# But still it's farewell
1:14:45 > 1:14:47# And maybe we'll come back
1:14:48 > 1:14:50# To earth, who can tell? #
1:14:52 > 1:14:55- Have we gone?- I suppose.
1:14:55 > 1:15:00All right. Come on, Tobe. It's over.
1:15:04 > 1:15:06Bollocks!
1:15:07 > 1:15:09# It's the final countdown
1:15:15 > 1:15:17# The final countdown
1:15:32 > 1:15:36# We're heading for Venus
1:15:36 > 1:15:38# And still we stand tall
1:15:39 > 1:15:43# Cos maybe they've seen us
1:15:43 > 1:15:47# And welcome us all, yeah
1:15:47 > 1:15:51# With so many light years to go
1:15:51 > 1:15:53# And things to be found
1:15:53 > 1:15:56# And things to be found
1:15:56 > 1:16:00# I'm sure that we'll all miss her so... #
1:16:00 > 1:16:02You freak!
1:16:03 > 1:16:05Help me!
1:16:07 > 1:16:09HE PANTS
1:16:09 > 1:16:11Toby! Wait!
1:16:15 > 1:16:17This is all getting a little bit too complicated.
1:16:51 > 1:16:52Get back, freak!
1:16:54 > 1:16:56Help me!
1:17:00 > 1:17:02Toby!
1:17:02 > 1:17:04Wait!
1:17:04 > 1:17:06Don't be frightened! It's me! Toby!
1:17:06 > 1:17:08This is all getting a little bit too complicated.
1:17:08 > 1:17:10Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd