Houseguest

0:00:15 > 0:00:16Please, this way, this way!

0:00:18 > 0:00:21Come along now. This way. This way.

0:00:21 > 0:00:23Let's go. Come on. Walk with me.

0:00:25 > 0:00:26Let's go.

0:00:36 > 0:00:38Where is that Kevin Franklin?!

0:00:38 > 0:00:41Bobby, get that quarter.

0:00:41 > 0:00:45Get the penny. Get the quarter.

0:00:45 > 0:00:46Kevin! >

0:00:48 > 0:00:49Bobby, get out of the water.

0:00:49 > 0:00:53It's not my fault, you made me buddies with Kevin.

0:00:53 > 0:00:57I was helping him retrieve his glasses and he fell in.

0:00:59 > 0:01:02It's a miracle!

0:01:02 > 0:01:07I wished, and now my pockets are stuffed with coins! Halleluja!

0:01:07 > 0:01:09Put it back now.

0:01:09 > 0:01:14You think you're the only orphan that grew up in Pittsburgh?

0:01:14 > 0:01:20No, just the poorest.

0:01:16 > 0:01:20Well... Did you know he was an orphan too?

0:01:20 > 0:01:28Wherever we go, there's an orphan.

0:01:23 > 0:01:28Poseidon applied himself to something other than mischief,

0:01:28 > 0:01:30and he became ruler of the sea.

0:01:30 > 0:01:36- Who cares if he was- chicken- of the sea. When I'm big I'm gonna be rich.

0:01:36 > 0:01:38(KIDS LAUGH)

0:01:38 > 0:01:42When I grow up I'll be a millionaire drivin' a Porsche.

0:01:47 > 0:01:49Hey, girl!

0:01:57 > 0:02:01When I'm rich everyone'll brag about how they know me.

0:02:01 > 0:02:03It'll be all over the radio.

0:02:03 > 0:02:08Pittsburgh! This is your favourite station, WKFD,

0:02:08 > 0:02:12with Kevin Franklin. Last night Kevin, our homeboy,

0:02:12 > 0:02:16Cleaned up at the International Human Being Society Award.

0:02:16 > 0:02:18Let's run that tape, Jim.

0:02:18 > 0:02:22(BURBLES LIKE A TAPE REWINDING)

0:02:22 > 0:02:23Beep!

0:02:23 > 0:02:27Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we honour a very special man.

0:02:27 > 0:02:33This year our annual recipient has won the Nobel Peace Prize,

0:02:33 > 0:02:37Pulitzer Prize, Businessman of the Year,

0:02:37 > 0:02:39the Heisman Trophy,

0:02:39 > 0:02:44the Paul Robeson Best Negro Actor of the Century,

0:02:44 > 0:02:47and the Aunt Jemima Pancake Prize.

0:02:47 > 0:02:52He ended world hunger, reversed the greenhouse effect,

0:02:52 > 0:02:54and created a new flavour Pop Tart -

0:02:54 > 0:02:57Spam/Salmon Croquette Tofutti.

0:02:57 > 0:03:01His bank account is the size of four small countries,

0:03:01 > 0:03:04but Kevin cares about the world.

0:03:04 > 0:03:09Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Kevin Franklin from Pittsburgh.

0:03:09 > 0:03:12(IMITATES CROWD ROARING)

0:03:12 > 0:03:15Oh, no. Thank you!

0:03:15 > 0:03:16Ohhh...

0:03:16 > 0:03:18I don't know what to say.

0:03:18 > 0:03:21I've won many awards in my life,

0:03:21 > 0:03:24but tonight is a very special night for me.

0:03:24 > 0:03:29I'd like to start by saying... where's the cheque? Thank you.

0:03:29 > 0:03:32If I could do it again, I would.

0:03:32 > 0:03:35Not for free, but I'd do it again.

0:03:35 > 0:03:37Honestly, people. Thank you.

0:03:37 > 0:03:39I love you so much.

0:03:39 > 0:03:42Thank you. I'll call you.

0:03:42 > 0:03:45I can't wait to win the big money.

0:03:45 > 0:03:47Everybody will ride with me then.

0:03:52 > 0:03:54(CAR ALARM STARTS)

0:04:02 > 0:04:03Yeah!

0:04:03 > 0:04:07Time to go to school. Man, yeah.

0:04:07 > 0:04:10So, Ralphie, that's juice, right?

0:04:10 > 0:04:14Hey, wha's up? Hey, what y'all doin', man?

0:04:14 > 0:04:17What y'all doin'?

0:04:17 > 0:04:22- Who let this 50-year-old in here? - I'll give a little clinic.

0:04:22 > 0:04:26Wha's happenin', man? My grandmother plays better.

0:04:26 > 0:04:28Hold this.

0:04:28 > 0:04:29Yeah!

0:04:29 > 0:04:31Show them fools, Kev!

0:04:31 > 0:04:36I would pull this out and go to your natural colour. But be what you are.

0:04:36 > 0:04:39Have some activator. Catch y'all.

0:04:39 > 0:04:41Yo, Kev!

0:04:41 > 0:04:46- What?- Make that first million yet?

0:04:43 > 0:04:46I'm on my way.

0:04:46 > 0:04:48He's got tapes - Win A Million.

0:04:48 > 0:04:51# I can't hear you. #

0:04:51 > 0:04:54What say, brother?

0:04:54 > 0:04:56You're gonna love this. Kevin!

0:04:56 > 0:04:58Come here! >

0:04:58 > 0:05:02Kevin, you hear me takin' to you? Stop!

0:05:02 > 0:05:04Kevin!

0:05:04 > 0:05:06(MARTIAL-ARTS-TYPE SCREAM)

0:05:09 > 0:05:12Time for Cooking In The Kitchen with Kevin.

0:05:12 > 0:05:17We have salt for the children, cholesterol for the adults,

0:05:17 > 0:05:20fat for fat people, sugar for the sugarholics.

0:05:20 > 0:05:23And for the grown folks, Mickey-Ds.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26Big gulp for a big guy.

0:05:26 > 0:05:28Ah, yes.

0:05:29 > 0:05:31Shaft, about to make a million.

0:05:31 > 0:05:35I'm gonna buy you a new crib, swimming-pool,

0:05:35 > 0:05:38maybe get you a girl hamster. Yeah!

0:05:38 > 0:05:41It's time to make money.

0:05:41 > 0:05:46'..beautiful Waikiki Beach in Honolulu, Hawaii.'

0:05:46 > 0:05:49- 'Here's John Davidson.- Aloha!'

0:05:49 > 0:05:51Aloha.

0:05:51 > 0:05:57'Do what over 700,000 Americans have done -

0:05:57 > 0:06:01'use Dave Del Dotto's wealth-building material.

0:06:01 > 0:06:05'Restore your faith as we move to achieve our dreams.'

0:06:05 > 0:06:07Sing, John.

0:06:07 > 0:06:10"# And when your days seem cloudy

0:06:10 > 0:06:14"# And you don't know what to do... #"

0:06:14 > 0:06:16Hey, ho!

0:06:16 > 0:06:18Hey, ho.

0:06:18 > 0:06:20Go, John.

0:06:20 > 0:06:24Get a hairbrush for your big hair. Scooby-dooby. Oooby...

0:06:24 > 0:06:26Kevin!

0:06:26 > 0:06:28- Just a minute.- Kevin!

0:06:28 > 0:06:32- Shhh! - Why you think I'm wavin' at you?

0:06:32 > 0:06:35It's heavy. It's yours. Take it, Kevin.

0:06:35 > 0:06:38I'm tryin' to watch the tape.

0:06:38 > 0:06:41It's great. It's Dave Del Dotto's...

0:06:41 > 0:06:43They delivered this to me.

0:06:43 > 0:06:46- What is it?- How do I know?!

0:06:46 > 0:06:49I'm outta here. I'm not Latoya Jackson.

0:06:49 > 0:06:51Wait, Larry.

0:06:51 > 0:06:53I've been waiting for this!

0:06:53 > 0:06:56This is it!

0:06:59 > 0:07:04- Know what it is?- A waste of money.

0:07:01 > 0:07:04You have no vision.

0:07:04 > 0:07:07The entire '94 baseball season, right?

0:07:07 > 0:07:11I got Ken Griffey Jnr, Barry Bonds.

0:07:11 > 0:07:14People spend big money for baseball cards.

0:07:14 > 0:07:17But if they get hurt it's worth even more.

0:07:17 > 0:07:22I don't wanna see it happen, but if it does I get paid.

0:07:22 > 0:07:24This is gonna be huge.

0:07:24 > 0:07:29Large! Gigantic! Like all your other ideas, Kevin.

0:07:29 > 0:07:31Is that any way to encourage your best friend?

0:07:31 > 0:07:35I didn't ask for this! I didn't ask to be your best friend!

0:07:35 > 0:07:40You get upset, see what happens? Now breathe. Breathe!

0:07:40 > 0:07:44I don't wanna see you like this. This is gonna work out.

0:07:44 > 0:07:46I feel it.

0:07:46 > 0:07:49I gotta blood sugar dip. I need some dinner.

0:07:49 > 0:07:53Dinner... I told Lynn I was gonna meet her!

0:08:01 > 0:08:02Ouch!

0:08:02 > 0:08:04(HORNS BLARE)

0:08:07 > 0:08:09Hey, Lynn!

0:08:09 > 0:08:12Hey, Lynn, how you doin'?

0:08:12 > 0:08:15Nice meetin' you, everybody.

0:08:15 > 0:08:17I can explain, OK?

0:08:17 > 0:08:22You stood me up. You made me look a fool in front of my boss.

0:08:22 > 0:08:24I can explain, all right?

0:08:24 > 0:08:28- I'm gonna slap your face. - Don't slap me...

0:08:28 > 0:08:30OW!!

0:08:30 > 0:08:31Lynn!

0:08:31 > 0:08:33Lynn.

0:08:33 > 0:08:38This is not like the others. This baseball thing is gonna be big.

0:08:38 > 0:08:43I want you to have the finest things in life.

0:08:43 > 0:08:46Money doesn't buy love or happiness.

0:08:46 > 0:08:49- It only buys things.- That's right!

0:08:49 > 0:08:53Grow up!

0:08:50 > 0:08:53I'm growin' now. See?

0:08:53 > 0:08:55I'll change!

0:08:55 > 0:08:57I'm tryin' to have an argument!

0:08:57 > 0:09:00I'll get a regular job.

0:09:00 > 0:09:03You're 35. You'll never change.

0:09:03 > 0:09:07Lynn, if you drive away, I'll stand here pointing.

0:09:08 > 0:09:09Lynn!

0:09:21 > 0:09:28How can you say I don't care? I'm a better person now thanks to you.

0:09:45 > 0:09:48Get the light. Come on!

0:09:48 > 0:09:52- Hey, who is it? Pauly! - Get outta the way!

0:09:52 > 0:09:55- Hey, Pauly.- Where's the dough?

0:09:55 > 0:09:59- Where's Nicky? - Retired. This is my brother Joey.

0:09:59 > 0:10:01- Hey, Joey.- Hey.

0:10:01 > 0:10:05Hungry, big guy? I got these new Pop Tarts.

0:10:05 > 0:10:07Oh, cool! With the frosting on top!

0:10:07 > 0:10:09- I'm hungry!- Like always.

0:10:09 > 0:10:10You never let me eat.

0:10:10 > 0:10:13You're always stuffin' your face.

0:10:14 > 0:10:16Where's the dough?!

0:10:16 > 0:10:19- Is that all he can say? - Don't be funny.

0:10:19 > 0:10:22Ooof! I don't feel funny.

0:10:22 > 0:10:24Where's the dough?!

0:10:24 > 0:10:29Fair question. I borrowed 5,000 and you want it back, right?

0:10:29 > 0:10:3350,000. Interest and late penalties have accrued.

0:10:33 > 0:10:39Accrued!

0:10:34 > 0:10:3950,000? I guess that sign that said, "No questions asked"...

0:10:39 > 0:10:42I guess I should've asked a coupla questions.

0:10:42 > 0:10:47My businesses are in the start-up phase. I'm tryin' to make money.

0:10:47 > 0:10:50I got somethin' here...

0:10:50 > 0:10:54Baseball... America loves baseball. They buy...

0:10:54 > 0:10:56You can smell the money.

0:10:56 > 0:11:00Check it out, Joey, man. ..Or just chew the gum.

0:11:00 > 0:11:01Get it out!

0:11:01 > 0:11:05What's the matter with you? ..Listen, Franklin.

0:11:05 > 0:11:10The way I see it. Correct me if I'm wrong, Joey.

0:11:10 > 0:11:15We got two options. A - We give you another day.

0:11:15 > 0:11:20B - We're gonna kill you right now, and save ourselves some aggravation.

0:11:20 > 0:11:22I'm gonna go with "A".

0:11:22 > 0:11:25SNORTING LAUGH

0:11:25 > 0:11:27Come here.

0:11:27 > 0:11:31What?

0:11:28 > 0:11:31Get over here. Right now.

0:11:31 > 0:11:37What's wrong with you?

0:11:33 > 0:11:37I just thought that was real good with those options.

0:11:37 > 0:11:40We're threatenin' someone. You're underminin' things!

0:11:40 > 0:11:41Pauly!

0:11:42 > 0:11:47I was gonna feed my hamster. You gotta feed 'em. They're sensitive.

0:11:49 > 0:11:55What's the matter with you? I want 50,000 tomorrow.

0:11:55 > 0:11:59Or you're dead. You hear me? Don't even think about skippin' town.

0:11:59 > 0:12:01Sounds fair.

0:12:01 > 0:12:07One-way to Nassau. Name?

0:12:03 > 0:12:07Clarence Williams III. Yeah.

0:12:07 > 0:12:10- Thank you, Mr Williams.- Thank you.

0:12:10 > 0:12:14Shaft, you'll be the coolest hamster in the Bahamas.

0:12:14 > 0:12:18I think we made it, man. Ha!

0:12:18 > 0:12:19What?!

0:12:19 > 0:12:22Oh, man!

0:12:20 > 0:12:22You really disappointed us.

0:12:22 > 0:12:25Yeah. Nice glasses, though.

0:12:25 > 0:12:29I learned somethin' from this...

0:12:27 > 0:12:29Shut up!

0:12:29 > 0:12:32Choir, stay together.

0:12:30 > 0:12:32Look! Denzel Washington!

0:12:32 > 0:12:34SCREAMING

0:12:34 > 0:12:39He's here! He's landed in the airport!

0:12:39 > 0:12:42Sick pet. Look out, people.

0:12:43 > 0:12:45Move!

0:12:59 > 0:13:03Shaft, you're gonna have to help me, buddy.

0:13:03 > 0:13:09Shaft, I said when the end came it'd be you or me. Well, it's you.

0:13:09 > 0:13:11I love you. IT'S A RAT!!

0:13:11 > 0:13:13There he is!

0:13:19 > 0:13:23Get me through! Get me through!

0:13:29 > 0:13:32- I almost saw him.- Whaddaya mean?!

0:13:39 > 0:13:41I told him I'd pick him up here.

0:13:41 > 0:13:43What does he look like, Dad?

0:13:43 > 0:13:46He's around my age, black...

0:13:46 > 0:13:48How tall, Daddy?

0:13:48 > 0:13:50I don't know. It's been 25 years.

0:13:50 > 0:13:53He was always so punctual.

0:13:53 > 0:13:55I see him!

0:14:00 > 0:14:03Wait a minute. Wait a minute...

0:14:05 > 0:14:06Hey!

0:14:06 > 0:14:08..Derek?

0:14:08 > 0:14:11- That's right!- It's me!

0:14:11 > 0:14:15It's you!

0:14:12 > 0:14:15- How're you doing? - How're YOU doing?

0:14:25 > 0:14:28- You look different.- I do?

0:14:28 > 0:14:31When you haven't seen someone in that long,

0:14:31 > 0:14:34you can look completely different.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37- You haven't changed at all.- No?

0:14:37 > 0:14:42I expected a more conservative look, but I like the earrings.

0:14:42 > 0:14:45- Well, fraternity thing... - Meet Jason,

0:14:45 > 0:14:49future basketball star, and Sarah, my little princess.

0:14:49 > 0:14:51Hey, Jason, Sarah.

0:14:51 > 0:14:54My wife couldn't make it.

0:14:54 > 0:14:56Your wife? How is she?

0:14:56 > 0:15:01Busy. Emily opened a yoghurt store a coupla years back, and it took off.

0:15:01 > 0:15:05She's got 35 of those silly stores now.

0:15:05 > 0:15:08That's nice. Hey, come on, Jacob.

0:15:08 > 0:15:10- Jason.- Jason.

0:15:10 > 0:15:12That's good. What?

0:15:12 > 0:15:15Don't you have any bags?

0:15:15 > 0:15:18Yeah, I got a bag... Right here. Here. Let's go.

0:15:18 > 0:15:23Sorry I was so late. I remember how crazy you were about being on time.

0:15:23 > 0:15:26We can make up for lost time.

0:15:26 > 0:15:28We got a lotta catching up to do.

0:15:28 > 0:15:33I cleared my desk so I'll have three days. We'll have a helluva weekend!

0:15:33 > 0:15:35We will!

0:15:35 > 0:15:37'Paging Mr Gary Young.'

0:15:37 > 0:15:42That's my name.

0:15:39 > 0:15:42Yeah, I know that... That was me.

0:15:42 > 0:15:48What was you?

0:15:43 > 0:15:48I had them page you, cos you were late, Gary!

0:15:48 > 0:15:52- You should tell them you found me. - They'll figure it out.

0:15:52 > 0:15:55Take the kids. I'll tell them.

0:15:55 > 0:15:59No, no, no! You take the kids. I'll tell them.

0:15:59 > 0:16:03I was rude. What was I thinking about? Jet lag.

0:16:03 > 0:16:07Press on. We got so much to talk about. So good to see you.

0:16:07 > 0:16:09Derek?

0:16:09 > 0:16:12- Derek!- ..Oh! Yeah!

0:16:12 > 0:16:16Good to have you with us.

0:16:14 > 0:16:16Yeah, right!

0:16:20 > 0:16:22Derek Bond?

0:16:22 > 0:16:25- Yes? - I'm Pete, Gary's personal assistant.

0:16:25 > 0:16:29So?

0:16:26 > 0:16:29Can I speak to you? Come with me.

0:16:30 > 0:16:34You can't stay with Gary this weekend.

0:16:34 > 0:16:36His wife's ill.

0:16:36 > 0:16:38- ..Botulism.- Botulism?

0:16:38 > 0:16:41What about the thing I came to do?

0:16:41 > 0:16:44It's a disease. The thing is off!

0:16:44 > 0:16:48- Off!- Great. I didn't wanna do that damn thing anyway.

0:16:48 > 0:16:52I hate those things. Is there anything I can do?

0:16:52 > 0:16:56- Two things.- What? - They want you to wear this.

0:16:56 > 0:16:59- I don't wear hats. - The woman's in a coma!

0:16:59 > 0:17:04OK!

0:17:00 > 0:17:04- And do not call the house.- Why not?

0:17:04 > 0:17:06Sound triggers it, man.

0:17:06 > 0:17:11Phone rings - vomitin', foamin' at the mouth. It's ugly.

0:17:11 > 0:17:13That's ugly.

0:17:13 > 0:17:16Gary will call when she's better.

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Keep hope alive.

0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Can you see him?- I see him.

0:17:25 > 0:17:29- Oh, sorry. Wrong guy.- Me too.

0:17:29 > 0:17:30Help!

0:17:31 > 0:17:33Derek!

0:17:33 > 0:17:35Coming, Gar!

0:17:35 > 0:17:38HORNS BLARE

0:17:45 > 0:17:46Comin', Gar!

0:17:52 > 0:17:54Whoooo!

0:17:54 > 0:17:57- What's the hurry? - Let's start the party!

0:17:57 > 0:18:00- Jason, is your seatbelt on?- No.

0:18:00 > 0:18:03We're not leaving till you put it on.

0:18:03 > 0:18:07Jason took my seatbelt.

0:18:05 > 0:18:07Give Sarah her seatbelt.

0:18:07 > 0:18:10- Say you're sorry.- Do I have to?

0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Yes!- Sorry!

0:18:16 > 0:18:17Pauly!

0:18:17 > 0:18:20- Gimme the keys!- You wanna drive?

0:18:24 > 0:18:26Take a right out of the gate...

0:18:38 > 0:18:41Whoooo! Some tight steerin'!

0:18:41 > 0:18:45Safe car, too.

0:18:43 > 0:18:45Cool!

0:18:46 > 0:18:48FRANKLIN!

0:18:48 > 0:18:51Oh, Franklin. Get the car, Joey.

0:18:51 > 0:18:54- Pauly...- Get the car!

0:18:54 > 0:18:57- Hey! That's my car! - That's my brother's car!

0:18:57 > 0:19:02- Turn off here.- I can make it. - You can take the next...

0:19:05 > 0:19:06All right!

0:19:11 > 0:19:14You can't do this with an American car.

0:19:14 > 0:19:19Boy, you have changed. You used to be so uptight when we were kids.

0:19:19 > 0:19:22You used to lecture us on bicycle safety.

0:19:22 > 0:19:25I haven't been the same since the accident.

0:19:25 > 0:19:27What accident?

0:19:28 > 0:19:32I was scuba divin' in the Cayman Islands.

0:19:32 > 0:19:37We were after stingray and two great white sharks came out of nowhere.

0:19:37 > 0:19:41Bam! Just attackin' us. It was like a scene off Jaws.

0:19:41 > 0:19:46It was just blood and bones and butts, and everything was...

0:19:46 > 0:19:50He bit my friend. His head came off! His eye was on me!

0:19:50 > 0:19:52His eye was on me!

0:19:52 > 0:19:54Oh, God...

0:19:54 > 0:19:55Easy.

0:19:55 > 0:19:56Ohhh...

0:19:56 > 0:19:58My God!

0:20:00 > 0:20:01I'm OK.

0:20:06 > 0:20:09Well... This is great.

0:20:09 > 0:20:12Yeah. This is great.

0:20:12 > 0:20:15I mean...this is really great.

0:20:15 > 0:20:20After all these years, it only took one call to get you to Pittsburgh

0:20:20 > 0:20:23so we could rekindle that old friendship.

0:20:23 > 0:20:26Well, Gary, friends don't grow on trees.

0:20:26 > 0:20:31No, they don't. Remember how we always used to sing this song?

0:20:31 > 0:20:34- # Good night, Irene, good night - ..Irene...

0:20:34 > 0:20:38- # Good night, Irene, good night - ..Good night...

0:20:38 > 0:20:41# Good night, Irene

0:20:41 > 0:20:44# Good night, Irene...

0:20:45 > 0:20:49# ..I wish I had some Dairy Queen! #

0:20:50 > 0:20:55# I'll see you in my...

0:20:57 > 0:21:01# ..dreams!

0:20:58 > 0:21:01# ..Dreams. #

0:21:01 > 0:21:04How's your wife? Heard she was ill.

0:21:04 > 0:21:06- My wife?- Yeah.- Er...

0:21:06 > 0:21:09She's dead, Gar.

0:21:09 > 0:21:12What?! I just spoke to her yesterday.

0:21:12 > 0:21:16I mean... She's dead inside... from the loss of our son.

0:21:16 > 0:21:19Your son? He's at Princeton.

0:21:19 > 0:21:23Yeah. We thought we'd lost our son to the Ivy League...

0:21:23 > 0:21:25Oh!

0:21:25 > 0:21:29- We misplaced him.- 'Misplaced him?!'

0:21:29 > 0:21:33If I don't get that money by the end of the weekend,

0:21:34 > 0:21:35The Lotto's on.

0:21:35 > 0:21:37Lotto?

0:21:37 > 0:21:39'Win a million dollars!

0:21:39 > 0:21:42'Let's see where it stops.'

0:21:42 > 0:21:43- Hello?- Listen!

0:21:43 > 0:21:49You'll be looking at the wrong end of an icepick. Very closely.

0:21:49 > 0:21:52- We'll find him.- Gimme the pepper.

0:21:52 > 0:21:56Happy's not happy.

0:21:53 > 0:21:56Who is he, then?

0:22:06 > 0:22:08Derek, thank you again.

0:22:08 > 0:22:10You're welcome.

0:22:10 > 0:22:12Thanks for doing this thing today.

0:22:12 > 0:22:14The thing.

0:22:14 > 0:22:17Well, I mean, how bad could it be?

0:22:17 > 0:22:22When you stop and think about it, what is this thing, really?

0:22:22 > 0:22:25Well, you're a braver man than I.

0:22:38 > 0:22:41Sorry I'm late.

0:22:41 > 0:22:46Derek, meet Nancy Pike, head of the school board, and my boss's wife.

0:22:46 > 0:22:51Pleasure to meet you, but could I hurry you? You're a little late.

0:22:51 > 0:22:55- This way.- Catch you later, buddy.

0:22:55 > 0:22:59- Right up these stairs.- Listen... - Go through the curtain.

0:22:59 > 0:23:01And here we are.

0:23:01 > 0:23:04Derek, could you sit down there?

0:23:04 > 0:23:09Gentlemen, we are about to begin. Would you please be seated?

0:23:09 > 0:23:11Thank you.

0:23:23 > 0:23:28Greetings, students and faculty. On behalf of the School Foundation,

0:23:28 > 0:23:34I want to personally welcome all our distinguished speakers,

0:23:34 > 0:23:38and all of you, to Career Day!

0:23:38 > 0:23:40THIN APPLAUSE

0:23:40 > 0:23:45Now, let me introduce you to our first speaker, Derek Bond.

0:23:45 > 0:23:49Let me tell you a few things about Derek.

0:23:49 > 0:23:53He has come a long way to talk to us today,

0:23:53 > 0:23:57and he has had a distinguished career as a...

0:23:57 > 0:23:58Um...

0:24:00 > 0:24:05..a professional in his field. But I'll let him tell you.

0:24:05 > 0:24:09Join me in a warm welcome for Derek Bond.

0:24:11 > 0:24:13(No, you, Derek.)

0:24:13 > 0:24:15(Now.)

0:24:16 > 0:24:18There he is, honey!

0:24:29 > 0:24:34I'd like to, er, thank Mrs Pike for the...welcomage addressing speech.

0:24:36 > 0:24:38Um...

0:24:38 > 0:24:43I had some notes... I need to go to the car. I had some notes...

0:24:43 > 0:24:47Let the man with the high-water pants go first.

0:24:47 > 0:24:51Now, Derek, you know you're just joking.

0:24:51 > 0:24:54Your secretary sent your slides ahead of you.

0:24:54 > 0:24:58- She did?- Harvey, start the slide show, please.

0:24:58 > 0:25:01Your clicker. I know you know what to say.

0:25:01 > 0:25:05We'll click 'em.

0:25:03 > 0:25:05Thanks, Harv.

0:25:05 > 0:25:10- Beautiful dress! - Well, here goes nothin'.

0:25:10 > 0:25:12Oh, that's...

0:25:14 > 0:25:16(ALL) Yeuch!

0:25:16 > 0:25:17Hey!

0:25:17 > 0:25:19Eurgh!

0:25:19 > 0:25:22A sandwich is a sandwich but that's a meal!

0:25:22 > 0:25:24Bleuch!

0:25:24 > 0:25:27That'd be nice with a lemonade.

0:25:27 > 0:25:30That looks like the inside of my refrigerator.

0:25:30 > 0:25:32What is it?

0:25:32 > 0:25:34Ugh!

0:25:34 > 0:25:36Oh! Eugh!

0:25:36 > 0:25:38Ooooh! Ohhh!

0:25:41 > 0:25:45You've learned all I can teach you about my career.

0:25:45 > 0:25:48It's time to have Dr von Fleisenberg,

0:25:48 > 0:25:53the country's leading hair transplant scientist, to discuss...

0:25:53 > 0:25:54Derek!

0:25:54 > 0:25:57Thank you, Professor von Whatever,

0:25:57 > 0:26:01but I'm sure we have time for just one question.

0:26:02 > 0:26:07Oh, yes, Mr Ichabod, head of our science department.

0:26:07 > 0:26:10Er, chapter five of your book.

0:26:10 > 0:26:15You said there are things you would do differently if you could do them over again.

0:26:15 > 0:26:17Meaning what?

0:26:17 > 0:26:19- Chapter five?- In your book.

0:26:19 > 0:26:24What I meant when I put that was... I padded the book immensely...

0:26:24 > 0:26:28I'd eliminate chapter five. I wrote it to get to six.

0:26:28 > 0:26:33You don't have any idea what you're talking about.

0:26:33 > 0:26:34Listen here...

0:26:34 > 0:26:39Since you know more about what I do than me,

0:26:39 > 0:26:42come here, Mr Smartypants, Mr I-Don't-Have-A-Woman!

0:26:42 > 0:26:46- Well, I... - Come and tell me, Mr Ickey-Body!

0:26:46 > 0:26:49I'm waitin'. Hmm? Hmm?

0:26:49 > 0:26:52- I... I'm sorry.- You- are- sorry.

0:26:52 > 0:26:57There's a free Pearl Jam ticket inside each book.

0:26:58 > 0:26:59Hey!

0:26:59 > 0:27:01Help!

0:27:01 > 0:27:04That was a great speech, Derek.

0:27:04 > 0:27:08Anytime I can help out, just let me know.

0:27:08 > 0:27:13Meet my oldest, Brooke. Brooke, sweetie, this is Derek Bond.

0:27:13 > 0:27:14Hey.

0:27:14 > 0:27:17And this is Brooke's...friend,

0:27:17 > 0:27:18Steve.

0:27:18 > 0:27:22Yo, my man. I told you, I ain't down with Steve.

0:27:22 > 0:27:25Call me ST3, a'ight?

0:27:25 > 0:27:27ST3.

0:27:27 > 0:27:30Yo, G, your speech?

0:27:30 > 0:27:34The butters, yo. The butters can't dig where zat!

0:27:34 > 0:27:37You been droppin' serious science!

0:27:37 > 0:27:39Peeps here don't know wha's up.

0:27:39 > 0:27:43- Who? - Peeps. The people.- The people!

0:27:43 > 0:27:46Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.

0:27:48 > 0:27:54Anyway, we outy five thousand.

0:27:50 > 0:27:54- You stay tan now.- All right, man.

0:27:54 > 0:27:57- Comin', girl?- I'm right behind you.

0:27:57 > 0:27:59Careful, hon.

0:27:59 > 0:28:01Is, er, bro-man from around here?

0:28:01 > 0:28:05He's the state senator's son.

0:28:04 > 0:28:05Oh.

0:28:09 > 0:28:11GIRL: Hi, Mr Young.

0:28:15 > 0:28:17HORN HONKS

0:28:26 > 0:28:27This is perfect.

0:28:29 > 0:28:32We like to think of it as our little piece of heaven.

0:28:35 > 0:28:37- Woof!- Hey, hey!

0:28:37 > 0:28:39- Woof!- That's funny.

0:28:39 > 0:28:43- Carl likes everybody. - Good dog, Carl.

0:28:43 > 0:28:45Come on, Sarah.

0:28:47 > 0:28:51Jason! How many times have I told you to pick that up?!

0:28:51 > 0:28:54A lot, I think.

0:28:54 > 0:28:58Probably several, maybe...

0:28:58 > 0:29:02- Come on. - Come on, Carl. Let's go find a cat.

0:29:04 > 0:29:07Come on, buddy.

0:29:13 > 0:29:15Whoa.

0:29:15 > 0:29:16Nice crib.

0:29:16 > 0:29:20- Is my wife home? - She's on the phone, Mr Young.

0:29:20 > 0:29:23I hope everything fits your dietary needs.

0:29:27 > 0:29:30- That looks good. Can I try some? - Sure.

0:29:30 > 0:29:32Eurgh!

0:29:32 > 0:29:37What is that?

0:29:33 > 0:29:37Puree of parsnip and crookneck squash.

0:29:37 > 0:29:41- Only vegetables for the vegetarian. - I'm a vegetarian.

0:29:41 > 0:29:45Your secretary faxed us the specifics on your diet

0:29:45 > 0:29:47and we followed them to the T.

0:29:47 > 0:29:51That's a load off my mind. Don't burn your fingers.

0:29:51 > 0:29:54I don't know how you do it, Derek.

0:29:54 > 0:29:58I could never say no to a big, juicy cheeseburger.

0:30:01 > 0:30:05Just vegetables for me.

0:30:03 > 0:30:05No! >

0:30:05 > 0:30:08No deviations on the shop design.

0:30:08 > 0:30:09Mommy!

0:30:09 > 0:30:12Well, I felt very strongly about that.

0:30:12 > 0:30:14- Well...- Mommy!

0:30:14 > 0:30:17Cream sauce. Thank you.

0:30:17 > 0:30:19Mommy!

0:30:19 > 0:30:22Derek, Emily. Emily, Derek.

0:30:22 > 0:30:26Sorry I wasn't at the airport. The kids and the party...

0:30:26 > 0:30:27Mommy!

0:30:27 > 0:30:31We opened three new yoghurt shops in Pennsylvania.

0:30:31 > 0:30:33I told him.

0:30:33 > 0:30:36Hold it. I'm right here. Wait!

0:30:36 > 0:30:39I'd give you the grand tour, but I can't.

0:30:39 > 0:30:45If you'd like to wash up, you can. Your room is upstairs on the left.

0:30:45 > 0:30:48- Welcome aboard.- Nice to meet you.

0:30:48 > 0:30:51I thought I made it pretty clear that...

0:30:52 > 0:30:55Second door on the left, right?

0:30:55 > 0:30:59Good to see ya, buddy. Hey, you forgot your bag.

0:30:59 > 0:31:01Thank you.

0:31:01 > 0:31:03Jordan for two! It's...

0:31:05 > 0:31:07..not.

0:31:08 > 0:31:13- Hey, Dad!- Just a second.- I just wanna show you something real quick.

0:31:13 > 0:31:19- This is Molly's shot from three. - Show me what you got. - All right.

0:31:23 > 0:31:28You'll have to work harder if you wanna make the big leagues.

0:31:31 > 0:31:33Oh...

0:31:36 > 0:31:39I'm home!

0:31:39 > 0:31:41Yow!

0:31:43 > 0:31:45Oh, yeah!

0:31:45 > 0:31:47Pillow for me! La la la la!

0:31:47 > 0:31:50Pillowman to the rescue!

0:31:50 > 0:31:54Put de lime in de coconut and mix it all up.

0:31:54 > 0:31:56Daddy said to give these to you.

0:31:56 > 0:31:59Well, er, here you go.

0:31:59 > 0:32:03- Will you teach me French? - French?

0:32:03 > 0:32:08Daddy said you've lived in France.

0:32:05 > 0:32:08Aren't you a little young for French?

0:32:08 > 0:32:12- I already know some.- You do, huh?

0:32:12 > 0:32:14- Bonjour is hello.- Tell you what...

0:32:14 > 0:32:17- Au revoir is goodbye. - You are a Frenchwoman.

0:32:17 > 0:32:22Comment allez-vous - how are you?

0:32:19 > 0:32:22How about a game?

0:32:22 > 0:32:27- What did Daddy say about me? - He knew you in summer camp.

0:32:27 > 0:32:30- Right.- You live in Baltimore.

0:32:30 > 0:32:33What do I do for a living?

0:32:33 > 0:32:34You're a very successful d...

0:32:34 > 0:32:38- (EMILY) Stop bothering Derek! > - Sarah!

0:32:38 > 0:32:41Sarah!

0:32:39 > 0:32:41Hey, buddy.

0:32:41 > 0:32:45Better get ready for the thing tonight.

0:32:45 > 0:32:50Oh, yes, the thing. Of course, the thing. I can't wait.

0:32:50 > 0:32:52Me neither.

0:32:54 > 0:32:59All right, let's see what we got. I don't care if it look good, just fit

0:33:07 > 0:33:11Groverton Funeral Home? I'm dead.

0:33:11 > 0:33:15You are grounded, young lady.

0:33:15 > 0:33:18Go to your room for the rest of the night.

0:33:18 > 0:33:19Great!

0:33:29 > 0:33:32Let's be cool. Let's just do this.

0:33:37 > 0:33:40How ya doin'? Hi.

0:33:41 > 0:33:45May I have one of those big, fat...? Yeah!

0:33:45 > 0:33:47- Hi.- Hi.

0:33:49 > 0:33:53- Derek, meet a friend of mine, Tom Miller.- Hi.

0:33:53 > 0:33:59Is that a burger behind your back?

0:33:55 > 0:33:59Oh, this?

0:33:59 > 0:34:02This steroid-filled, high-cholesterol beef!

0:34:02 > 0:34:08You know what this does to the heart? I'm ashamed of you, Gary.

0:34:08 > 0:34:11- We buy the best meat. - Sorry. I'm vegetarian.

0:34:11 > 0:34:16I'd like to knock all this meat... Meat is so dangerous.

0:34:16 > 0:34:22Tom chairs the chess, bridge and, of course, poker night down at the club

0:34:22 > 0:34:26- What does that stand for?- Oh...

0:34:26 > 0:34:28The Gaming Foundation of Harlem.

0:34:28 > 0:34:31A charitable organisation, right?

0:34:31 > 0:34:35You said it.

0:34:31 > 0:34:35- Nice guy. - Oh, he's the genuine article.

0:34:35 > 0:34:36GFH?

0:34:36 > 0:34:41My grandfather... General Francois Heimlich-Manoeuvre.

0:34:41 > 0:34:43Good guy.

0:34:43 > 0:34:46- What is GFH? - Gemstones Furs and Haberdashery.

0:34:46 > 0:34:51- Graduated from Oxford. - I went to Harvard.- Harvard Street!

0:34:51 > 0:34:56- My gospel group - Godliness, Faithful and Honest.- Amen.

0:34:56 > 0:34:58Geeks For Hire. You'd fit in.

0:34:58 > 0:35:03- Gas From Humans. Girls From the Hood. Girls Feedin' Homies. - That's a joke?

0:35:03 > 0:35:06# Godliness Faithful and Honest... #

0:35:06 > 0:35:07Oh!

0:35:07 > 0:35:11Good Fine and Healthy. And, baby, you it, you know?

0:35:11 > 0:35:17Derek! Ronald Timmerman. Great to know you. I hear you're one of the top guys.

0:35:17 > 0:35:23I just do what I do.

0:35:19 > 0:35:23You must have heard of me. We have mutual friends.

0:35:23 > 0:35:26I don't think so.

0:35:24 > 0:35:26Timmerman.

0:35:26 > 0:35:30Penn State. Hopkins. Had two papers published in the journal last year.

0:35:30 > 0:35:34Oh, RON Timmerman! I thought you said Rob. Ron's like Rob.

0:35:34 > 0:35:40Stuffed mushroom?

0:35:35 > 0:35:40I'm in training. I'm a runner in the Sewickley 5K.

0:35:40 > 0:35:43Derek! Having a good time?

0:35:43 > 0:35:49Jerry Jordan, the J-Man!

0:35:45 > 0:35:49I hear you're the best in your field.

0:35:49 > 0:35:52Janey! Look at my wife.

0:35:52 > 0:35:55Well, D-Man, what do you think?

0:35:55 > 0:35:57Lucky man!

0:35:57 > 0:36:03Can you do something for her?

0:35:59 > 0:36:03Oh! Oh, I... Oh, I...

0:36:03 > 0:36:06- I'd pay you. - You couldn't pay me.

0:36:06 > 0:36:11You see the size of that moth? It's gonna get in someone's hair.

0:36:11 > 0:36:16The guy's a hoot. You said he was a stuffed shirt.

0:36:16 > 0:36:18Not since the accident.

0:36:18 > 0:36:23There's a lot you should know about Derek. I'll tell you all about him.

0:36:23 > 0:36:27- Did you go to summer camp? - Yes.- We went to Camp Mapleridge.

0:36:27 > 0:36:32Same cabin both years. Legendary Cabin 6.

0:36:32 > 0:36:35On Lake Caba... Cabaclou...

0:36:35 > 0:36:38Some Indian name.

0:36:38 > 0:36:43Derek taught me Spin The Bottle. Not with the two of us - with the girls.

0:36:43 > 0:36:48Michelle Castel. I teach French. I hear you're fluent.

0:36:48 > 0:36:51Bonjour, bonjour! Baisez moi!

0:36:51 > 0:36:55Whatever Derek tried, he always pulled it off.

0:36:55 > 0:37:00Mais, en marveil...

0:36:56 > 0:37:00# Michelle, my belle! #

0:37:00 > 0:37:04- So I wasn't surprised to hear he was a DDS.- DDS?

0:37:04 > 0:37:06A dentist.

0:37:06 > 0:37:12Did I use the term improperly?

0:37:07 > 0:37:12No! But you don't use DDS once you graduate.

0:37:12 > 0:37:15Not DDS. I'm a dentist! Gimme some!

0:37:15 > 0:37:19I couldn't be prouder! I'll yell a little louder!

0:37:19 > 0:37:25It's always nice to see someone who truly enjoys his work.

0:37:25 > 0:37:29Sorry. I sell beautiful smiles. I just get excited.

0:37:31 > 0:37:34How're you doin'?

0:37:34 > 0:37:38Sorry I insulted you. You're so refined. Can I help you?

0:37:38 > 0:37:43Go ahead.

0:37:39 > 0:37:43I worked my way through dental school doin' this.

0:37:43 > 0:37:44Mmm?

0:37:46 > 0:37:48Ohhh!

0:37:52 > 0:37:53Oh!

0:37:53 > 0:37:55Sorry.

0:37:55 > 0:37:58Need some help. Anyone got a hose?

0:37:58 > 0:38:01Now for the thing we've waited for.

0:38:01 > 0:38:06Derek, oenophile extraordinaire, will introduce my favourite wines.

0:38:06 > 0:38:09But first, Derek, your comments.

0:38:13 > 0:38:15Thank you, Gary.

0:38:16 > 0:38:18Well...

0:38:18 > 0:38:23We have some dark wines and light wines for...dark and light people.

0:38:23 > 0:38:26This one here is a... Chattie Laffit.

0:38:26 > 0:38:29This is a happy wine.

0:38:29 > 0:38:33No sense holdin' the party up. Pass this round and drink up.

0:38:33 > 0:38:38Don't you smell the cork? What about the nose?

0:38:38 > 0:38:42What about the booty? You want the cork? Here.

0:38:42 > 0:38:47Who are you to tell me - xylophone extraordinaire - how to taste wine?

0:38:47 > 0:38:52Vincent Montgomery, wine critic for the Sewickley Register.

0:38:52 > 0:38:56- PEOPLE MURMUR - May I?- You may.

0:39:01 > 0:39:03Please.

0:39:19 > 0:39:22SLURPING

0:39:34 > 0:39:39I like my wine bright, rich, mature...

0:39:39 > 0:39:42..developed, seductive,

0:39:42 > 0:39:46with nice legs and a prolonged finish.

0:39:46 > 0:39:49Sounds like you need a woman.

0:39:49 > 0:39:52Some folks drink wine, some people date.

0:39:52 > 0:39:55Gimme that bottle.

0:39:55 > 0:39:57Drink up.

0:39:57 > 0:40:01Why not drink it right out the bottle?

0:40:01 > 0:40:04You wanna get a party started?

0:40:04 > 0:40:06Out the bottle. You can do it.

0:40:06 > 0:40:10Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

0:40:10 > 0:40:12CHANT CONTINUES

0:40:14 > 0:40:16THEY CHEER

0:40:16 > 0:40:19This is a party, people. Drink up!

0:40:32 > 0:40:35Hey, I'm here! Party in the crib!

0:40:35 > 0:40:39DRUNKEN SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER

0:40:41 > 0:40:44I love you...!

0:40:45 > 0:40:46I love you!

0:40:48 > 0:40:51# She knows she's got everything

0:40:51 > 0:40:56# That a woman needs to get a man

0:41:03 > 0:41:06# Well, hang close

0:41:10 > 0:41:13# She's mighty mighty!

0:41:15 > 0:41:18# Aaaaooooow!

0:41:21 > 0:41:25# She's a play house

0:41:25 > 0:41:31# She's the one, the only one... #

0:41:50 > 0:41:53ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

0:42:00 > 0:42:03Our daughter is getting weirder and weirder.

0:42:03 > 0:42:05She'll grow out of it.

0:42:11 > 0:42:14Emily, don't you see what's happening here?

0:42:15 > 0:42:18You gotta spend more time with the girls.

0:42:18 > 0:42:24More time with them, less time with Emily's Yoghurt Madness.

0:42:24 > 0:42:27It's a question of priorities, honey.

0:42:27 > 0:42:32That's not fair.

0:42:28 > 0:42:32At least Derek hasn't let success change him.

0:42:32 > 0:42:38You'd never know he was a dentist. He didn't talk about work all night.

0:42:38 > 0:42:41- That's because he's secure. - Meaning?

0:42:41 > 0:42:45Mmm.

0:42:42 > 0:42:45- You said- he's- secure. What do you mean?

0:42:45 > 0:42:48Oh...

0:42:48 > 0:42:49Well...

0:42:49 > 0:42:54When I first met him I said, this is a guy who knows who he is.

0:42:54 > 0:42:56He's comfortable with it.

0:42:57 > 0:43:00Hmm. Comfortable.

0:43:06 > 0:43:07Who's insecure?

0:43:07 > 0:43:09Huh?

0:43:09 > 0:43:12- You said- he's- secure. Who's insecure?

0:43:14 > 0:43:18Who is "he"?

0:43:15 > 0:43:18Look, I don't wanna argue with you.

0:43:18 > 0:43:20Who's insecure?

0:43:20 > 0:43:22- You said- he's- secure.

0:43:22 > 0:43:24He is.

0:43:24 > 0:43:27- I...- No, that's all right.

0:43:27 > 0:43:29Thanks. So much.

0:43:29 > 0:43:32Are we having an argument?

0:43:34 > 0:43:37Sure you know what a Harley looks like?

0:43:37 > 0:43:39Better not look like no Honda.

0:43:44 > 0:43:46Just take a seat.

0:43:46 > 0:43:48Buddy.

0:43:48 > 0:43:50Wait your turn!

0:43:53 > 0:43:55Next?

0:43:55 > 0:43:58- Where's Franklin?- Who?- Franklin. - PHONE RINGS

0:43:58 > 0:44:05He used you as a reference for a loan.

0:44:01 > 0:44:05- I don't know...- Answer your phone.

0:44:05 > 0:44:07Answer it!

0:44:07 > 0:44:09What?!

0:44:09 > 0:44:12- Where you been? - Thank God it's you... Mother.

0:44:12 > 0:44:15- Man...!- She's been to Florida.

0:44:15 > 0:44:18- Tell her to hurry up. - I'm stayin' with a family...

0:44:18 > 0:44:24Come and get me right now, man.

0:44:21 > 0:44:24No, no, no! Mom, er...

0:44:24 > 0:44:26I will not come and get you,

0:44:26 > 0:44:30because I have two very angry Italian customers

0:44:30 > 0:44:33- 'demanding service'! - They're there?

0:44:33 > 0:44:36- Stay put, Mom.- What'll I do?

0:44:36 > 0:44:41Be a good houseguest. If they ask you to do something, say, "Sure."

0:44:41 > 0:44:43Maybe you can stay.

0:44:43 > 0:44:48- Come on!- Sure.- Man?!

0:44:45 > 0:44:48Gotta go. I love you, son.

0:44:48 > 0:44:52- Pauly! - Mama-san... She's half Japanese.

0:44:52 > 0:44:54Franklin?

0:44:54 > 0:44:58- (HIGH VOICE) Where's my son? - Sorry, lady.

0:44:58 > 0:45:02I need some Depends. It ain't easy in the bathroom.

0:45:02 > 0:45:05Oooh, I done used the bathroom on myself!

0:45:05 > 0:45:07Sorry, lady!

0:45:07 > 0:45:11Ain't nothin' that'll make me give in my brother!

0:45:11 > 0:45:16He's in Sewickley, stayin' with some folks he don't know as a houseguest.

0:45:16 > 0:45:20Larry's my main man. He ain't gonna give me up. We like this.

0:45:22 > 0:45:24Oh, man...

0:45:24 > 0:45:28He's weak. He's neurotic. He gave me up! He gave me up!

0:45:28 > 0:45:31I gotta get outta here.

0:45:38 > 0:45:39Buddy?

0:45:39 > 0:45:43Your breakfast of champions awaits you.

0:45:43 > 0:45:44Morning, Derek.

0:45:44 > 0:45:50Come on. Muesli, soya milk, papaya slices. I don't know how you do it.

0:45:50 > 0:45:53- Me neither.- Well, it's commendable.

0:45:53 > 0:45:58Kids, this is a free man. Derek and I cleared the decks for three days.

0:45:58 > 0:46:01Wish your mother could do the same.

0:46:01 > 0:46:05Steve and I are doing grave-rubbings today.

0:46:05 > 0:46:07Honey, you can do that any time.

0:46:07 > 0:46:12Dad, it's Memorial Day. It's a memorial tribute

0:46:12 > 0:46:16to the great poets who gave so much at the expense of their own lives.

0:46:16 > 0:46:20Edgar Allen Poe, Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath.

0:46:20 > 0:46:25It wouldn't kill us to spend time together like families do.

0:46:25 > 0:46:27Right, Derek?

0:46:27 > 0:46:28Um...

0:46:28 > 0:46:30I...

0:46:32 > 0:46:36Family togetherness is very important.

0:46:36 > 0:46:38You're all ganging up on me!

0:46:38 > 0:46:42Why can't you be normal? I can't stand it!

0:46:42 > 0:46:45- Then again...- I'm sorry, Derek.

0:46:45 > 0:46:47Look, everybody.

0:46:47 > 0:46:50We can all do whatever we want today,

0:46:50 > 0:46:55but tomorrow it's family day. We're spending it with our buddy Derek.

0:46:55 > 0:47:01Great breakfast. But you can have too much of a good thing. Gotta run.

0:47:01 > 0:47:04Speaking of which,

0:47:04 > 0:47:06we have a little present for you.

0:47:06 > 0:47:09Hope you enjoy them.

0:47:11 > 0:47:13Thanks.

0:47:15 > 0:47:18Whoa. These are nice!

0:47:18 > 0:47:20Man...

0:47:20 > 0:47:22How'd you know my size?

0:47:22 > 0:47:27Eyeballed your dogs. Put myself through law school selling shoes.

0:47:27 > 0:47:30- 13E as soon as I saw you.- Yeah!

0:47:30 > 0:47:35I signed you up for the 5K. It's to raise money for Sarah's school.

0:47:35 > 0:47:39- Please, Derek! - No problem. If I'm still here.

0:47:39 > 0:47:42- It's tomorrow!- I'm there.

0:47:42 > 0:47:45- Great athlete. - What's your best sport?

0:47:45 > 0:47:47I didn't have a best...

0:47:47 > 0:47:51He was the Michael Jordan of camp.

0:47:51 > 0:47:54- Could you teach me? - Derek's on vacation.

0:47:54 > 0:47:57- We'll go to the country club. - Country club.

0:47:57 > 0:48:01- Show me that famous golf swing. - Can't wait.

0:48:01 > 0:48:06Gary, I can't believe you set me up like that!

0:48:06 > 0:48:09I can't do this to these people.

0:48:09 > 0:48:12- There are children here!- Sorry!

0:48:12 > 0:48:15- OK...- Mr Good Guy!- La la la la!

0:48:15 > 0:48:17Er...

0:48:17 > 0:48:20Thank you for your hospitality.

0:48:20 > 0:48:23Sorry if I've been any kind of inconvenience.

0:48:23 > 0:48:25We're glad to have you.

0:48:25 > 0:48:28Derek, you're the perfect guest.

0:48:28 > 0:48:31I didn't mean to interrupt a family...

0:48:37 > 0:48:38Whoa...!

0:48:45 > 0:48:50Hey, Carl. Wassup? You know we're brothers. You're my main man!

0:48:50 > 0:48:53- Woof! Woof!- Come on, Carl!

0:48:53 > 0:48:56Stop! Stay!

0:48:56 > 0:48:58Good dog, Carl.

0:48:58 > 0:49:01Good morning.

0:49:01 > 0:49:02How are you?

0:49:06 > 0:49:10- CHOIR: - # You deserve a break today

0:49:10 > 0:49:15# So get up and get away! #

0:49:19 > 0:49:24May I take your order, please?

0:49:21 > 0:49:24Big Mac, Quarter Pounder with cheese

0:49:24 > 0:49:28Deluxe with cheese, cheeseburger,

0:49:28 > 0:49:32a large order of fries, and a large Coke.

0:49:32 > 0:49:35- 10.87, sir.- Change that.

0:49:35 > 0:49:37- Oh.- Quarter Pounder with cheese...

0:49:37 > 0:49:40Large Coke...

0:49:40 > 0:49:41..large fries.

0:49:41 > 0:49:44- 4.07, sir.- All right!

0:49:49 > 0:49:51Thank you, sir.

0:49:51 > 0:49:56- We're in the vicinity. - Vicinity? What's that mean?

0:49:56 > 0:49:57Close.

0:49:57 > 0:50:01- He's with a family in Sewicky. - Sewickley.

0:50:01 > 0:50:05- Vicinity?- No exact address. - Pauly...- Shut up!

0:50:05 > 0:50:10- What?!- Not you. Some Jehovah's Witnesses want the phone. Back off!

0:50:10 > 0:50:12- See you. Bye.- Pinhead!

0:50:12 > 0:50:15- What's the matter with you? - Franklin!

0:50:15 > 0:50:17In McDonald's.

0:50:17 > 0:50:21- You didn't see him!- I did! - What're you doin'? Get in the car!

0:50:21 > 0:50:24Nice Porsche.

0:50:33 > 0:50:34Hey, wassup?

0:50:39 > 0:50:41Thought I missed somethin'.

0:50:41 > 0:50:45How far can I get for a dollar and, er...

0:50:45 > 0:50:47..33 cents?

0:50:48 > 0:50:50Hello!

0:50:51 > 0:50:54To Alaquipa.

0:50:54 > 0:50:57Alaquipa? How far is that?

0:50:59 > 0:51:02About a half a mile up the road.

0:51:02 > 0:51:04Half a mile? Forget that.

0:51:04 > 0:51:06Gimme one of those.

0:51:06 > 0:51:10Don't go too fast. I don't want you to hurt yourself.

0:51:14 > 0:51:17The newest game in town.

0:51:17 > 0:51:20I feel mighty lucky, partner.

0:51:20 > 0:51:23- I swear I saw him. - Where did you see him?

0:51:23 > 0:51:25There!

0:51:27 > 0:51:29I'll run him down!

0:51:58 > 0:52:00Nice fence!

0:52:06 > 0:52:08Sorry, lady.

0:52:11 > 0:52:13HORN HONKS

0:52:13 > 0:52:16Hop in. I've been looking for you.

0:52:16 > 0:52:19We'll be late for tee-time.

0:52:19 > 0:52:21What's with the suitcase?

0:52:21 > 0:52:25I get a cardiovascular work-out with the weight.

0:52:25 > 0:52:26Franklin!

0:52:26 > 0:52:29- He got away. - My head don't hurt no more.

0:52:29 > 0:52:35- How does it feel now?! Come on, before we lose him. - All right, Pauly.

0:52:46 > 0:52:48There they go.

0:52:48 > 0:52:51- All right, already!- Sorry, Pauly.

0:52:51 > 0:52:54You're like a broken record, Joey!

0:52:54 > 0:52:59This is a bad idea. I don't have my sticks or the right clothes...

0:52:59 > 0:53:01The pro shop'll fix you up.

0:53:01 > 0:53:05- No wallet. - It's on me, buddy. Come on.

0:53:05 > 0:53:08# Lovin' life, lovin' life

0:53:08 > 0:53:13# La la la la, la-la la la la

0:53:13 > 0:53:16# Lovin' life, lovin' life

0:53:16 > 0:53:21# La la la la, la-la la la la

0:53:22 > 0:53:24# Oh, yeah

0:53:29 > 0:53:33# Life is pleasure and the child of pain

0:53:33 > 0:53:37# And so much better when you know the game

0:53:37 > 0:53:41# If you're ready come and go with me

0:53:41 > 0:53:46# Come on, everybody, laugh and sing

0:53:46 > 0:53:49# You should be lovin' life, lovin' life. #

0:53:49 > 0:53:51I look like Fat Albert.

0:53:51 > 0:53:54There's a striking resemblance.

0:53:56 > 0:53:59- Wow! This is somethin'.- Nice joint.

0:53:59 > 0:54:01May we help you?

0:54:01 > 0:54:03Just lookin' around.

0:54:03 > 0:54:06- Considering membership?- Yeah.

0:54:06 > 0:54:11- Which members are your sponsors? - The Miller...- Smiths.

0:54:11 > 0:54:14The Miller-Smiths.

0:54:14 > 0:54:18- You're acquainted with the Miller-Smiths?- Sure.

0:54:18 > 0:54:20They're very nice people.

0:54:20 > 0:54:22Very nice. Terrific.

0:54:22 > 0:54:25I think we can arrange a tour.

0:54:25 > 0:54:27- Follow me.- Thank you.- This way.

0:54:27 > 0:54:32- Sorry we're late. - Still time for another Bloody Mary.

0:54:32 > 0:54:35Poncho, another round of BMs over here.

0:54:35 > 0:54:40- It's Pablo, Don.- Pablo, Poncho - who cares if the drinks are strong.

0:54:40 > 0:54:45Mr Pike, this is Derek Bond. You know Ron, our family dentist.

0:54:45 > 0:54:48Fellow dentist. That's marvellous.

0:54:48 > 0:54:54- Slap me five there, brother! - Why don't I just slap you?

0:54:54 > 0:54:56Where'd you find this boy?

0:54:56 > 0:55:00- Boy?- He's pure gold, Jerry.

0:55:00 > 0:55:03- Gary.- Good to have a man of your persuasion along.

0:55:03 > 0:55:07Wrap these up, Poncho. We're teeing off.

0:55:07 > 0:55:11Bring the clubs too. Come on, Poncho!

0:55:11 > 0:55:16Stop thinking about those senoritas and let's go!

0:55:16 > 0:55:19Mayor idiota!

0:55:20 > 0:55:25You work hard for me, son, and I want you to know I appreciate it.

0:55:25 > 0:55:27Thank you, Mr Pike.

0:55:27 > 0:55:33The clients like you and you're always available when I need you.

0:55:33 > 0:55:35- I try, sir.- I have a little secret.

0:55:35 > 0:55:40We just signed a new client, Beaver Meadows, a frozen food conglomerate.

0:55:40 > 0:55:43- Really?- They're branching out.

0:55:43 > 0:55:47They're starting a yoghurt chain - 91 Choices - some crap like that.

0:55:47 > 0:55:51But my wife is in the yoghurt business.

0:55:51 > 0:55:54Great! You have the inside track.

0:55:54 > 0:55:58The files are on your desk. First meeting - Tuesday morning.

0:55:58 > 0:56:01Will we be ready?

0:56:01 > 0:56:05Er... Yeah, we'll be ready. It's just, I have to...

0:56:05 > 0:56:08We'll be ready.

0:56:08 > 0:56:11- Are your balls dirty?- What?!

0:56:11 > 0:56:13I wash my balls religiously.

0:56:13 > 0:56:17I like 'em so clean you can feel every dimple.

0:56:17 > 0:56:21- Thanks for sharing that. - Clean balls, clean play.

0:56:21 > 0:56:26It's best to get it in the hole with the least amount of strokes, right?

0:56:26 > 0:56:28- What?!- Lemme wash your balls.

0:56:28 > 0:56:31- No way!- We'll wash 'em together. - Chill out!

0:56:31 > 0:56:35I'll wash, you dry. They'll go further.

0:56:35 > 0:56:39- You're about to get hurt.- Just unzip and pull out your balls.- Back up!

0:56:39 > 0:56:42All right! Geez. Sorry. Suit yourself.

0:56:49 > 0:56:52The Pink Terrace, named after Sir Jonas Pink.

0:56:52 > 0:56:57- Love the colour.- Home of afternoon tea, exclusively for ladies.

0:56:57 > 0:56:59- Afternoon, ladies. - Afternoon.

0:57:11 > 0:57:14What kind of boring golf is this?

0:57:14 > 0:57:16Ever play speed golf?

0:57:16 > 0:57:18Like speed chess, right?

0:57:18 > 0:57:23You know everything. We all tee off at the same time.

0:57:23 > 0:57:27We all hit the ball at the same time, right?

0:57:27 > 0:57:29Don't look at anybody else.

0:57:29 > 0:57:33It's a great game. You ready? It's gonna be great. One, two,

0:57:33 > 0:57:35three, go!

0:57:37 > 0:57:39Nice shot, Mr Pike.

0:57:39 > 0:57:42- Tough break, chip.- Let's go.

0:57:42 > 0:57:44Come on!

0:57:44 > 0:57:48- There he is! Show us the course. - Of course.

0:57:49 > 0:57:51ALL SHOUT AND LAUGH

0:58:12 > 0:58:14Come on!

0:58:14 > 0:58:16Hit the ball!

0:58:34 > 0:58:37HAPPY YELLS

0:58:38 > 0:58:42Boy, this is a treat. This is our ninth hole.

0:58:42 > 0:58:44Notice the slight dog-leg?

0:58:44 > 0:58:46At the '72 Open,

0:58:46 > 0:58:49Arnold Palmer made a hole in one.

0:58:49 > 0:58:52I was just a boy, but it made an impact...

0:58:52 > 0:58:55- Make it stop, Joey.- Whoa!

0:58:55 > 0:58:58There he goes, Pauly!

0:58:58 > 0:59:01Hey! This can affect your membership!

0:59:01 > 0:59:02There!

0:59:02 > 0:59:06Speed golf - we skip holes three to six.

0:59:06 > 0:59:08Hold on, guys!

0:59:14 > 0:59:16We lost Pike!

0:59:20 > 0:59:22Stop that cart!

0:59:25 > 0:59:30Must be some more guys playing speed golf.

0:59:32 > 0:59:34They're shootin' us!

0:59:34 > 0:59:36Mr Pike!

0:59:36 > 0:59:37All right?

0:59:37 > 0:59:40My damn tooth's broken!

0:59:40 > 0:59:43- He needs a dentist.- You do it.

0:59:43 > 0:59:46This is outta my area. I'd lose my licence.

0:59:46 > 0:59:50You're the world-renowned dentist. I'll just watch.

0:59:50 > 0:59:56Let a real dentist go to work. Step back! He could have a heart attack.

0:59:56 > 1:00:00I've seen it before. Oh, this is bad.

1:00:00 > 1:00:02- Say "Aaahh."- Aaahh.- This is bad.

1:00:02 > 1:00:07- This man needs a Tic Tac.- Do you think the tooth needs to come out?

1:00:07 > 1:00:13- What do- you- think?- I asked you. - That's why I have papers published.

1:00:13 > 1:00:17- 70 last year, to be exact, cos... - OK, I'll look at him.

1:00:21 > 1:00:25- Mmm.- Mmm. He has a date with the tooth fairy.

1:00:25 > 1:00:30Horizontal fracture with a periapical infection,

1:00:30 > 1:00:32and pulpal necrosis.

1:00:32 > 1:00:36He needs a root amputation to avoid periodontal trauma.

1:00:36 > 1:00:41I'd administer 7.2cc of xylocaine with epinephrine.

1:00:41 > 1:00:43But... What do you think?

1:00:43 > 1:00:46Let me see that, Doctor.

1:00:48 > 1:00:50Yeah, OK.

1:00:50 > 1:00:55That's better than tyin' a string to a doorknob and slammin' it shut.

1:00:59 > 1:01:01- Yes, Brenda?- Dr Timmerman,

1:01:01 > 1:01:04you have a visitor.

1:01:04 > 1:01:06Good.

1:01:06 > 1:01:09I'll be right back.

1:01:11 > 1:01:14You might wanna get washed up first.

1:01:15 > 1:01:18Brenda, go! You're embarrassing me.

1:01:18 > 1:01:21- Do your thing, Derek.- Hey, Gary!

1:01:25 > 1:01:27I'll clean up.

1:01:34 > 1:01:37We want Franklin! We want Franklin!

1:01:37 > 1:01:39Franklin's up!

1:01:39 > 1:01:43Have I got a surprise for you! Dr Walter Kraft!

1:01:43 > 1:01:48- Who?- Pittsburgh Dental School. He's here with his class.

1:01:48 > 1:01:51- Walter!- He's gonna watch you.

1:01:51 > 1:01:55- Great!- When he heard you were here he came right over.

1:01:55 > 1:01:58- Good.- You do remember Walter?

1:01:58 > 1:02:03- Kinda...- He must've been teaching when you went through the programme.

1:02:03 > 1:02:06- Teach... Oh!- Brenda!

1:02:06 > 1:02:10- I didn't need classes. - Get some more anaesthetic, please!

1:02:15 > 1:02:18No... Not now!

1:02:18 > 1:02:21Nnngggh!

1:02:19 > 1:02:21Shhh!

1:02:21 > 1:02:24- Grrnnnngh!- Would you shut up?!

1:02:26 > 1:02:29- Here he is!- He's ready.

1:02:29 > 1:02:32Step in, everybody.

1:02:32 > 1:02:36May I introduce to you Dr Derek Bond?

1:02:36 > 1:02:38POLITE APPLAUSE

1:02:38 > 1:02:41My brother. Wha's up?

1:02:41 > 1:02:45Dr Kraft, here's your famous student.

1:02:47 > 1:02:51Put on a little weight, eh?

1:02:53 > 1:02:57Now that Dr Bond has anaesthetised the patient,

1:02:57 > 1:03:00I will remove the maxillary right...

1:03:00 > 1:03:04Could we see Dr Bond perform the procedure?

1:03:04 > 1:03:07That's an excellent idea.

1:03:07 > 1:03:12No, no, no. With all these malpractice suits runnin' around,

1:03:12 > 1:03:17I get a headache just thinkin' about workin' in another state....

1:03:17 > 1:03:20- Come on! - Stick your mitts in there.

1:03:24 > 1:03:25There.

1:03:25 > 1:03:27Well... Let's get to work.

1:03:32 > 1:03:33All right.

1:03:33 > 1:03:38I have small hands, so I developed the Derek Bond two-handed grip.

1:03:38 > 1:03:41Always take your time.

1:03:41 > 1:03:45Touch them to reassure that you're their friend.

1:03:45 > 1:03:49I'm your friend. I'm your friend.

1:03:51 > 1:03:54Hey, Derek!

1:03:54 > 1:03:57Wow!

1:03:55 > 1:03:57Oh, thank you...

1:03:57 > 1:03:59Thank you.

1:03:59 > 1:04:03- I want a list of members. - Every member!

1:04:03 > 1:04:04Nnnnggghh...

1:04:04 > 1:04:07Gimme it!

1:04:07 > 1:04:09This'll take us right to him.

1:04:09 > 1:04:12When I was a kid, feeling down...

1:04:12 > 1:04:16..I'd come down here with one of these,

1:04:16 > 1:04:20and things wouldn't seem so bad any more.

1:04:20 > 1:04:23There's a lot of opportunity in yoghurt.

1:04:23 > 1:04:27Beaver Meadows won't affect Emily's Yoghurt Madness.

1:04:27 > 1:04:30A little healthy competition.

1:04:34 > 1:04:36Derek...

1:04:36 > 1:04:39What about your diet?

1:04:39 > 1:04:43Sometimes my weaknesses get the best of me.

1:04:43 > 1:04:49Don't judge me for this.

1:04:44 > 1:04:49Judge you? I'm glad you're not perfect.

1:04:49 > 1:04:52It makes me feel better about myself.

1:04:52 > 1:04:55You got fries?

1:04:53 > 1:04:55Yeah.

1:04:55 > 1:04:58- It'll be our little secret. - Thank you, man.

1:04:58 > 1:05:03It's funny how much simpler things seemed when we were kids.

1:05:03 > 1:05:06- Those were the days, right?- Right.

1:05:06 > 1:05:08Cabin six.

1:05:08 > 1:05:09Cabin six.

1:05:09 > 1:05:14- # Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge - ..Mapleridge...

1:05:14 > 1:05:18- # We come to you each summer - ..Summer...

1:05:18 > 1:05:22# Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge

1:05:22 > 1:05:26- # Where all our friends are brothers - Doo-bee-doo

1:05:26 > 1:05:29- # We like to ride a horse or two - Scooby-doo-bee

1:05:29 > 1:05:32# Doo-bee-doo... #

1:05:42 > 1:05:44Oh, man, I feel bad.

1:05:44 > 1:05:49I mean, I invite you here, you make the trip, and now I have to work.

1:05:49 > 1:05:54After 25 years of friendship? Come on, man, it can't affect us.

1:05:54 > 1:05:57It's too deep, my brother.

1:05:57 > 1:06:00You've been such a good sport about everything.

1:06:00 > 1:06:06There's no place I'd rather be than here with you and your family.

1:06:06 > 1:06:11Larry, I know you're there. Pick up the phone.

1:06:11 > 1:06:14I'm talkin' to my imaginary friend Larry.

1:06:14 > 1:06:17- Tea?- Tea? Yes.

1:06:17 > 1:06:20Oooh, these cups are so big!

1:06:20 > 1:06:22OW! THAT'S COLD!!

1:06:22 > 1:06:24- Sorry!- Ow!

1:06:24 > 1:06:26Ow! Ow! Ow!

1:06:26 > 1:06:29Sarah, wait! Sarah!

1:06:29 > 1:06:32Daddy, Derek's funny.

1:06:32 > 1:06:34I'll see you guys at dinner.

1:06:34 > 1:06:39- You were taking me to ballet. - You were taking me to basketball.

1:06:39 > 1:06:44- You said I could work. - It's always me that takes off work.

1:06:44 > 1:06:49What about that family solidarity day? You're making a huge effort(!)

1:06:49 > 1:06:52- It's a competition? - No, that's not it.

1:06:52 > 1:06:54- Go, Dad.- We can work this out.

1:06:54 > 1:06:57- I'll dry this here.- Derek?

1:06:57 > 1:07:01- You wouldn't mind?- Please, Derek!

1:07:01 > 1:07:06No problem. I'll drive the car pool. I mean, how hard could that be?

1:07:06 > 1:07:09OFF-KEY SINGING

1:07:09 > 1:07:12Guys, that's my ear!

1:07:12 > 1:07:14ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

1:07:14 > 1:07:18Jason! Leave it on the soul station!

1:07:18 > 1:07:21I said leave the radio alone, right?

1:07:21 > 1:07:23We was there.

1:07:23 > 1:07:25Uh-uh.

1:07:25 > 1:07:29Sarah, stop! You're gonna make me have an accident!

1:07:29 > 1:07:30Uh-oh.

1:07:30 > 1:07:33Jason, time for a drivin' lesson.

1:07:33 > 1:07:37Every young man should know how to drive.

1:07:37 > 1:07:39The best part of bein' a kid.

1:07:39 > 1:07:42- I'm 11.- I'll drive.

1:07:42 > 1:07:45- I can't reach the pedals. - I'll do that.

1:07:45 > 1:07:48- Scaredy-cat!- The light's green.

1:07:48 > 1:07:50OK.

1:07:50 > 1:07:51Pauly!

1:07:51 > 1:07:54Follow 'em!

1:07:56 > 1:08:00Loosen up a little. Become one with the road.

1:08:00 > 1:08:02Not that loose!

1:08:03 > 1:08:05Get back on the road!

1:08:09 > 1:08:12Caress the wheel like you would a woman.

1:08:12 > 1:08:15- I never caressed a woman. - What- do- you do?!

1:08:15 > 1:08:18I play video games.

1:08:18 > 1:08:20Come on, now!

1:08:26 > 1:08:28You're losin' him!

1:08:29 > 1:08:32Yellow light!

1:08:32 > 1:08:34Red light!

1:08:36 > 1:08:38Thanks.

1:08:44 > 1:08:45Hi.

1:08:46 > 1:08:51- Bunch of kids joyridin'. - What's the world comin' to, Pauly?

1:08:51 > 1:08:54Thank you, Mr Apistophilis.

1:08:54 > 1:08:55Who?

1:08:55 > 1:08:59Stupid! He's the most major philosophist alive today!

1:08:59 > 1:09:02I'm gonna split. Got some change?

1:09:02 > 1:09:05For a call, in case the car breaks down.

1:09:05 > 1:09:09- But that won't happen. - All right. See you later.

1:09:09 > 1:09:13Hey, there's a pigeon. Check this out.

1:09:13 > 1:09:16Can I get the ball?

1:09:16 > 1:09:17Sorry.

1:09:17 > 1:09:20Too late!

1:09:22 > 1:09:24- Gimme the ball back!- Jason.

1:09:24 > 1:09:26Problem?

1:09:26 > 1:09:29Has Mommy come to wipe your nose?

1:09:29 > 1:09:32Pickin' on little dudes? You just bad!

1:09:32 > 1:09:35Can I see the ball? He's so strong.

1:09:35 > 1:09:37Hey, tough guys,

1:09:37 > 1:09:41how about we play basketball, us against all five of you?

1:09:41 > 1:09:43(JEERING)

1:09:43 > 1:09:45I really, really suck.

1:09:46 > 1:09:51You do not suck. Never say that. Basketball's a matter of confidence.

1:09:51 > 1:09:54I've watched you. You have game.

1:09:54 > 1:10:00Relax. Stick your tongue out like Michael Jordan. Whose house is this?

1:10:00 > 1:10:02Say it like you mean it!

1:10:02 > 1:10:06- My house! - Whose ball is this?- My ball!

1:10:06 > 1:10:10Let's go. I play better with somethin' at stake.

1:10:10 > 1:10:13If you guys win, we'll give you...

1:10:13 > 1:10:16- ..that red Volvo over there.- But...

1:10:16 > 1:10:17It's all right.

1:10:17 > 1:10:20If we win, we get...your clothes.

1:10:20 > 1:10:26Our clothes?

1:10:21 > 1:10:26He's the genius. Let's make it, take it - if we score, we keep it.

1:10:26 > 1:10:28Check. We're ready.

1:10:28 > 1:10:31- There it is!- The Mailman!

1:10:32 > 1:10:33Yes!

1:10:41 > 1:10:42Four?

1:10:47 > 1:10:50In your face, porker!

1:10:53 > 1:10:55Sky!

1:10:57 > 1:11:03Yes!

1:10:58 > 1:11:03You did good. If you work hard, you might play with the Chicago Bulls.

1:11:03 > 1:11:05- Really?- Mmm.

1:11:05 > 1:11:09- Can we have our clothes back? - Best outta three?

1:11:10 > 1:11:11- Nah.- Nah.

1:11:11 > 1:11:14I threw that pass...

1:11:26 > 1:11:29Gary, Beaver Meadows is going into yoghurt.

1:11:29 > 1:11:31Wow.

1:11:31 > 1:11:35And your firm is going to represent them.

1:11:35 > 1:11:38- I didn't know. - Who's assigned to it?- Jerry?

1:11:38 > 1:11:41- Yeah, Jerry.- Your best friend?

1:11:41 > 1:11:44- Wouldn't he have called me? - PHONE RINGS

1:11:44 > 1:11:49- The last thing Edgar Allen Poe ate was broccoli.- Then don't eat it.

1:11:49 > 1:11:53I can't believe Jerry would do that to us.

1:11:53 > 1:11:56Derek taught me how to drive today.

1:11:56 > 1:11:59- Left turns are tough at 50.- Well...

1:11:59 > 1:12:02Derek, it's Larry from the tattoo parlour.

1:12:02 > 1:12:04Cool.

1:12:06 > 1:12:08Oh, um... The cat's out the bag.

1:12:08 > 1:12:14It was gonna be a gift to my hosts. I can't believe he just called.

1:12:14 > 1:12:17'Larry from the tattoo parlour?!'

1:12:17 > 1:12:19I been tryin' to call you all day!

1:12:19 > 1:12:22You put me on your loan request!

1:12:22 > 1:12:25Larry... Sorry, man. I'm under pressure.

1:12:25 > 1:12:29- I got customers! - Come and pick me up.

1:12:29 > 1:12:32I'm turnin' into Mary Poppins here.

1:12:34 > 1:12:36- My God!- Larry, you there?

1:12:36 > 1:12:39- We gotta talk!- Yes. No problem.

1:12:39 > 1:12:42- 9:30 tonight.- Where?- Micky-D's.

1:12:42 > 1:12:46- Which one?- The only one. This is Leave-It-To-Beaver land.

1:12:46 > 1:12:47Everything all right?

1:12:47 > 1:12:52- Hurry? You don't tell- me- to hurry! I tell- you- to hurry!

1:12:52 > 1:12:56- This- is a Harley. What the hell is- this?!

1:12:56 > 1:12:59It's...a Harley...

1:12:59 > 1:13:02..European style?

1:13:02 > 1:13:06You really don't need to give us anything.

1:13:06 > 1:13:10Derek, about Emily and this Beaver Meadows thing -

1:13:10 > 1:13:15I want you to know that in 18 years of marriage I never lied to my wife.

1:13:15 > 1:13:19- You don't listen, Mom! - Honey, wait! Time out.

1:13:19 > 1:13:23You know, right before Anne Sexton killed herself,

1:13:23 > 1:13:28her daughter promised to put Rats Live On No Evil Star on her grave.

1:13:28 > 1:13:32That's a major thing to ask.

1:13:32 > 1:13:37They must've had an amazing mother- daughter connection. Not like us!

1:13:37 > 1:13:40What did you say?

1:13:40 > 1:13:43Nothing. I didn't say anything.

1:13:43 > 1:13:45I'm her mother, so I'm the enemy.

1:13:45 > 1:13:47SHE SIGHS

1:13:47 > 1:13:48Derek?

1:13:48 > 1:13:53You seem to have such a connection with her.

1:13:53 > 1:13:58Maybe you could talk to her.

1:13:55 > 1:13:58Yeah, no problem. Sure.

1:13:58 > 1:14:01# Feel the pain of everyone... #

1:14:05 > 1:14:08Mind if I turn this down?

1:14:08 > 1:14:10Hey.

1:14:10 > 1:14:13Can I talk to you for a second? Oh!

1:14:13 > 1:14:14Man!

1:14:14 > 1:14:18I mean, what could be so wrong, OK?

1:14:18 > 1:14:21You got this beautiful room here.

1:14:21 > 1:14:26So bright and airy. You got great pictures of dead guys on the wall,

1:14:26 > 1:14:29things I don't understand that you wrote...

1:14:29 > 1:14:32Oh, and decapitated Barbie dolls.

1:14:32 > 1:14:35You can't get much better than this, right?

1:14:39 > 1:14:42Well... I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke.

1:14:42 > 1:14:44Did I say somethin' wrong?

1:14:44 > 1:14:47No, it's my dad and mom...

1:14:47 > 1:14:50And Steve doesn't love me any more.

1:14:50 > 1:14:53Steve. Are you sure?

1:14:53 > 1:14:58Yes! He's been hanging in town every day with Kelly Friedlander.

1:14:58 > 1:15:01And she's a lot prettier than me.

1:15:01 > 1:15:05And you know, Derek... it just, it really hurts.

1:15:05 > 1:15:07Come here. Listen to me, OK?

1:15:07 > 1:15:11I can't see any woman bein' finer than you.

1:15:11 > 1:15:15You're beautiful. You're just with the wrong guy.

1:15:15 > 1:15:19None of the women I know would put up with his mess.

1:15:19 > 1:15:20No?

1:15:20 > 1:15:24Oh, no, no, no. No way. No how. "See ya."

1:15:25 > 1:15:28Look, maybe you could just kill him for me.

1:15:28 > 1:15:31You're playin', right?

1:15:31 > 1:15:34You're playin' right?

1:15:35 > 1:15:39Look, this guy is a slime-bag, and you know that.

1:15:39 > 1:15:42A lot of guys would like to date you.

1:15:42 > 1:15:47And there's guys you're interested in. I know there's a guy somewhere.

1:15:47 > 1:15:49There's Charles...

1:15:49 > 1:15:52I knew you had some guy in your pocket.

1:15:52 > 1:15:57Tell me about Charles.

1:15:54 > 1:15:57Charles Baudelaire? Poet of moral decay.

1:15:57 > 1:16:00He would definitely understand me.

1:16:00 > 1:16:04Look, you gotta get over this thing for dead guys.

1:16:04 > 1:16:08Why don't we try some live guys? Charles Barkley.

1:16:08 > 1:16:11He's like a poet. Seen his commercial?

1:16:11 > 1:16:14We'll work on that dead-guy thing.

1:16:14 > 1:16:18We'll get you to movies with guys that're breathin'.

1:16:18 > 1:16:21And we'll get you some pastels.

1:16:21 > 1:16:23There you go - meditation music.

1:16:23 > 1:16:26You're gonna be all right, OK?

1:16:26 > 1:16:30Remember - live guys. Breathin'.

1:16:30 > 1:16:31(LAUGHS)

1:16:34 > 1:16:38I'm so glad to be leavin' this place, man.

1:16:38 > 1:16:43It don't make no sense, man. Flowers on the wall, like a child's room.

1:16:43 > 1:16:46Take all day to make up this bed.

1:16:46 > 1:16:49I'm glad I'm goin'. Little midget bed.

1:16:49 > 1:16:52Why do I buy these things?

1:16:53 > 1:16:57Big spin. Big spin.

1:16:58 > 1:17:00Big spin.

1:17:00 > 1:17:02Big spin...

1:17:03 > 1:17:06YES! YES!

1:17:06 > 1:17:09Oh, yes! I'm gonna be on TV!

1:17:09 > 1:17:12Kevin Franklin in the house! I'm in the house!

1:17:12 > 1:17:15- This is the way we...- Buddy?

1:17:15 > 1:17:18..loosen up...!

1:17:18 > 1:17:21Jason threw a basketball at my face.

1:17:21 > 1:17:26- Some sort of bounce pass, or "checking"...- He's workin' his game.

1:17:26 > 1:17:30Who's Kevin Franklin? You said he's in the house.

1:17:30 > 1:17:33You busted me.

1:17:33 > 1:17:35Kevin Franklin is a millionaire

1:17:35 > 1:17:39and I often fantasise about being him.

1:17:39 > 1:17:43I often pretend to be other people. You do that, don't you?

1:17:43 > 1:17:46Well, yes, actually, I have.

1:17:46 > 1:17:50I often fantasise about being Matlock.

1:17:50 > 1:17:56There you go!

1:17:51 > 1:17:56The thing I admire most about you is your honesty and openness.

1:17:56 > 1:17:58The things you've shared with me.

1:17:58 > 1:18:01You've made me a better person.

1:18:01 > 1:18:02Thank you.

1:18:02 > 1:18:05Thank YOU.

1:18:07 > 1:18:10Get him! Get him!

1:18:11 > 1:18:13Get him! Get him!

1:18:13 > 1:18:17- Knock.- Just say please once! - Please.- Thank you.

1:18:17 > 1:18:18You pain!

1:18:23 > 1:18:29Oh... Hello, little girl. Is there a tall black man named Kevin here?

1:18:29 > 1:18:31- No!- Please...

1:18:31 > 1:18:34- Ow!- Got your fingers there, Pauly?

1:18:34 > 1:18:37Run for your life! Smashed him!

1:18:37 > 1:18:40- What is it now?!- Where is he?

1:18:40 > 1:18:44Nobody does that to my brother Pauly.

1:18:44 > 1:18:48Bad men! Mommy says you shouldn't play with guns.

1:18:48 > 1:18:52- Aaaargh!- Aaaargh!

1:18:52 > 1:18:54Whoa!

1:18:54 > 1:18:56I'm dead, Pauly!

1:18:56 > 1:18:59We got a snapper, Joey!

1:18:59 > 1:19:01It's a ratmuller!

1:19:01 > 1:19:05- Woof! Woof!- Aaaagh!- Aaaagh!

1:19:05 > 1:19:08OK, tell 'em goodbye.

1:19:08 > 1:19:14Whooooo! Your mommy's right - you should never play with guns.

1:19:14 > 1:19:17- I'll get rid of it. - Derek, is your real name Kevin?

1:19:17 > 1:19:20Hold that thought, OK?

1:19:27 > 1:19:30GUN GOES OFF INSIDE

1:19:30 > 1:19:33Watch TV!

1:19:33 > 1:19:38What was that?

1:19:34 > 1:19:38Two bad men came to the door, and I took their gun.

1:19:38 > 1:19:41It was on the cartoon. It's so real!

1:19:41 > 1:19:43Oh, I see!

1:19:43 > 1:19:45- Move!- What?

1:19:47 > 1:19:51- I'm goin' for a night jog. - Are you coming back?

1:19:51 > 1:19:54- Kevin?- Huh?

1:19:54 > 1:19:56I'm really good at keeping secrets.

1:19:59 > 1:20:02- Woof! Woof!- Good dog, Carl!

1:20:07 > 1:20:10What happened to your eye, Larry?

1:20:10 > 1:20:14Lemme see that. What happened to you?

1:20:14 > 1:20:18Some people don't appreciate art.

1:20:15 > 1:20:18I guess not!

1:20:18 > 1:20:22So... Where you wants me to drive, Miss Daisy?

1:20:22 > 1:20:24Real funny, man. Just drive.

1:20:24 > 1:20:28- I'm just tryin' to help. - Yeah, right.

1:20:28 > 1:20:33Friendship is about give and take, but all you do is take, take, take!

1:20:33 > 1:20:37Where'd you get the shoes? They're nice.

1:20:37 > 1:20:38Yeah.

1:20:38 > 1:20:40Yeah...

1:20:43 > 1:20:46Stop the car, man. Stop the car!

1:20:46 > 1:20:49- Stop the car now!- OK!

1:20:49 > 1:20:53This makes sense now. Poseidon was an orphan too.

1:20:53 > 1:20:55Can we go now?

1:20:55 > 1:21:00Do you know the only difference between him and me?

1:21:00 > 1:21:03He's Greek, he's white and he's a god.

1:21:03 > 1:21:07He never passed himself off as someone he wasn't.

1:21:07 > 1:21:10Remarkable insight! Now can we go?

1:21:10 > 1:21:16He never let folks down.

1:21:11 > 1:21:16If those Italians come again, I don't know you.

1:21:16 > 1:21:18I got to go back, man.

1:21:18 > 1:21:20What?! Why?!

1:21:20 > 1:21:23He's in trouble. I'm his oldest friend.

1:21:23 > 1:21:26You're PRETENDIN' to be his oldest friend!

1:21:26 > 1:21:30He's still in trouble. And his daughter's messed up.

1:21:30 > 1:21:36- So?- I lied to a child. I said I'd be back. You can mess a kid up, man.

1:21:36 > 1:21:38Gimme the keys.

1:21:38 > 1:21:39Kevin!

1:21:39 > 1:21:42Kevin! You lie to everybody, man.

1:21:42 > 1:21:46I've compromised myself as an artist and risked my life!

1:21:46 > 1:21:49And this is how you pay me back!

1:21:49 > 1:21:55Hey, brother, forget it. If you see me on the street, keep steppin'!

1:21:55 > 1:22:02You don't get it, do you?

1:21:57 > 1:22:02No! Why don't you tell me why the hell you're goin' back?

1:22:02 > 1:22:06You said it yourself - all I've ever done is take.

1:22:06 > 1:22:11Kevin needs this and this. Kevin gonna make a million dollars.

1:22:11 > 1:22:16I thought if I made money, it would change how people thought about me.

1:22:16 > 1:22:21Well, I was wrong, man. I learned somethin' here about friendship.

1:22:21 > 1:22:26About our friendship. About the friendship I made with that family.

1:22:26 > 1:22:30That's why I have to go back, Larry.

1:22:30 > 1:22:32- I'll call you.- All right.

1:22:32 > 1:22:37Friendships are about give and take, about compromise.

1:22:37 > 1:22:41We enjoy a meal together like men are supposed to do.

1:22:41 > 1:22:45We both chase women, but dogs don't even have to ask permission.

1:22:45 > 1:22:50You just run 'em down and she's yours. Want some cake?

1:22:50 > 1:22:54Thank you for coming in on a holiday like this.

1:22:54 > 1:22:59I hope it wasn't an imposition.

1:22:56 > 1:22:59No, it's...

1:22:59 > 1:23:03There are faxes from your clipping service.

1:23:03 > 1:23:04Ah!

1:23:09 > 1:23:10HE WHISTLES

1:23:26 > 1:23:29Wha's up?! ST3½! How you doin'?

1:23:29 > 1:23:31Wha's up, kid?!

1:23:31 > 1:23:34I been lookin' for ya! This your woman?

1:23:34 > 1:23:38- This is Kelly.- Yeah, you kinda phat. - Hi.- Yo.

1:23:38 > 1:23:43- She know what I'm talkin' about? - She ain't up. Not all of us are on.

1:23:43 > 1:23:47- Wanna regulate?- Regulate? - Find some new hizzunies.

1:23:47 > 1:23:51Lemme just deal with the thingy-thing.

1:23:53 > 1:23:57Me and my boy gonna take a cruise. This cheek.

1:23:58 > 1:24:00- Nice ride!- Word up!

1:24:00 > 1:24:03- I wanna talk.- Wha's up, yo?

1:24:03 > 1:24:05- About women.- Sookie!

1:24:05 > 1:24:08Check this out.

1:24:08 > 1:24:10Chill, B!

1:24:10 > 1:24:14Say you're eatin' a chicken dinner - Brooke.

1:24:14 > 1:24:17There's a truck, man! It's a truck!

1:24:17 > 1:24:19Aaaaaagh!

1:24:21 > 1:24:24Yo, B, we're on the train tracks, yo!

1:24:24 > 1:24:29- These country roads all look the same. Where was I?- Chicken!

1:24:29 > 1:24:34Say you're gonna make a gourmet meal. You've got some golden bird.

1:24:34 > 1:24:37Free-range, no chemicals. It's a bad bird.

1:24:37 > 1:24:41You smell it, so you can't wait.

1:24:41 > 1:24:45So you go get yourself some Chicken McNuggets.

1:24:45 > 1:24:48If you're hungry we'll go to Mickey-D's!

1:24:48 > 1:24:51You missed the whole point here.

1:24:51 > 1:24:54- We're doin' 50! I can't feel it. - I can!

1:24:54 > 1:24:58- Cos your body's young. - I have a very young butt!

1:24:58 > 1:25:00< TRAIN WHISTLE

1:25:00 > 1:25:02There's a train!

1:25:02 > 1:25:05THERE'S A TRAIN COMIN', B!

1:25:05 > 1:25:07WHISTLE BLASTS

1:25:07 > 1:25:09Train!

1:25:09 > 1:25:12- I need my glasses. - There is a train!

1:25:12 > 1:25:15- Train!- Brooke's that gourmet meal.

1:25:15 > 1:25:19She thinks she's the only dish you have.

1:25:19 > 1:25:22And you're goin' out with a Chicken McNugget.

1:25:22 > 1:25:25Kelly's a greasy nugget!

1:25:25 > 1:25:27It's unhealthy!

1:25:27 > 1:25:32I'm gonna stop and look. This is some beautiful country.

1:25:32 > 1:25:35- Where are you going? - We need to talk.

1:25:35 > 1:25:41- I could maybe teach you somethin'. How old are you, man?- 16, sir.

1:25:41 > 1:25:45You have ragin' hormones. You wanna be a man.

1:25:45 > 1:25:49- A man spends his life beggin'. - I'm begging for my keys!

1:25:49 > 1:25:52Don't beg me, beg your woman.

1:25:52 > 1:25:56- I will!- For forgiveness. - I will beg for forgiveness!

1:25:56 > 1:25:59Aaaaaa-aa-aaagh!

1:25:59 > 1:26:02You didn't have to worry about the train.

1:26:02 > 1:26:07You're not from the 'hood, OK? Be yourself. Shall I drive or you?

1:26:07 > 1:26:10I'll drive. You look shook-up.

1:26:10 > 1:26:14How do I get back to town? This is a bumpy road, man.

1:26:17 > 1:26:20JAPANESE VOICES SHOUT

1:26:24 > 1:26:27Wha's up? I'm lookin' for Gary Young.

1:26:27 > 1:26:30In the stacks. The only one here.

1:26:30 > 1:26:32Gary?

1:26:32 > 1:26:34# She's a brick haaaaooowse

1:26:34 > 1:26:38# Mighty mighty Lettin' it all hang out

1:26:38 > 1:26:42# She's a brick haaaooowse... #

1:26:42 > 1:26:44Hey, Gary?

1:26:44 > 1:26:48- What're you doing here? - I need to talk to you.

1:26:48 > 1:26:51You're messin' up big-time.

1:26:51 > 1:26:56- What?- Jason thinks he'll fail you if he's not another Michael Jordan.

1:26:56 > 1:27:00Brooke hangs out in graveyards like a vampire.

1:27:00 > 1:27:03They want you to say you love 'em.

1:27:03 > 1:27:07When Emily hears you're representin' Beaver Meadows,

1:27:07 > 1:27:10you'll be in the dog-house big-time.

1:27:10 > 1:27:15She'll understand. I don't have a helluva lot of choice.

1:27:15 > 1:27:18Gary, please, quit lyin' to yourself.

1:27:18 > 1:27:22You're just sellin' your wife down the river.

1:27:22 > 1:27:27I promised Mr Pike.

1:27:24 > 1:27:27If you turn it down, he'll fire you?

1:27:27 > 1:27:28Probably.

1:27:28 > 1:27:34OK... You have less income. You'll still be rich cos of your family.

1:27:34 > 1:27:38You'll be rich in love.

1:27:53 > 1:27:55- Natural ingredients...- Mr Pike!

1:27:55 > 1:27:59Mother and I were checking out the competition.

1:27:59 > 1:28:03Jerry, my boy, hand me a napkin.

1:28:03 > 1:28:04Hey!

1:28:04 > 1:28:06It's Gary, not "Little boy".

1:28:06 > 1:28:08Seven long years ago,

1:28:08 > 1:28:13you duped me into believing I had a future at your firm.

1:28:13 > 1:28:16But you'd never make me a partner!

1:28:16 > 1:28:20Oh, and did I mention that you're a bigot,

1:28:20 > 1:28:22and a back-stabbing buffoon?

1:28:22 > 1:28:24Whoooo! Yes!

1:28:24 > 1:28:30If you'll excuse me, I have a loving wife to whom I owe an apology.

1:28:30 > 1:28:33Gary, this isn't like you!

1:28:33 > 1:28:37- I know. - Come on, Mother. Let's go home.

1:28:37 > 1:28:38Gary...

1:28:38 > 1:28:43I have been such a... Well, the word "jerk" springs to mind.

1:28:43 > 1:28:46I think I was picking on you because...

1:28:46 > 1:28:49..I felt threatened by your success.

1:28:49 > 1:28:50Gary...

1:28:50 > 1:28:53Can you forgive me?

1:28:53 > 1:28:54Of course.

1:28:54 > 1:28:59But, honey... you just quit your job.

1:28:59 > 1:29:01Well, I'm applying for a new one.

1:29:01 > 1:29:04- Where?- Emily's Yoghurt Madness -

1:29:04 > 1:29:09- fastest growing chain in the area. - Why do you think they'd hire you?

1:29:09 > 1:29:14I'll take my chances, cos you're a brick haaaaooowse!

1:29:14 > 1:29:19You might have soul after all!

1:29:16 > 1:29:19Come here.

1:29:19 > 1:29:21Ohhh!

1:29:22 > 1:29:23Ohhh!

1:29:34 > 1:29:38- Sucking up to the new boss, huh? - Old habits die hard.

1:29:38 > 1:29:42- I'm not the good friend I seem. - No, you're better.

1:29:42 > 1:29:45- No, seriously... - Don't go all mushy on us.

1:29:45 > 1:29:48Look at Jason's skateboard!

1:29:48 > 1:29:50Gary...

1:29:53 > 1:29:55- Jason!- Gary...

1:29:55 > 1:29:57Oh, God!

1:29:57 > 1:30:02I don't care if you grow up to be a star basketball player,

1:30:02 > 1:30:05as long as you grow up happy.

1:30:05 > 1:30:06Dad!

1:30:06 > 1:30:09What do you want?

1:30:09 > 1:30:10Oh, Carl!

1:30:10 > 1:30:14Three beautiful kids. Don't even try to run.

1:30:14 > 1:30:17This guy is a pain in the neck.

1:30:17 > 1:30:21Please stop these hostile and anti-social tough-guy antics.

1:30:21 > 1:30:24See what I'm sayin'?

1:30:24 > 1:30:27- You're Kevin Franklin. - Derek Bond DDS.

1:30:27 > 1:30:30- Who's Derek Bond DDS? - He is. Derek Bond DDS!

1:30:30 > 1:30:33- No, he's not!- Yes, he is!

1:30:33 > 1:30:37- He says he's Derek.- He's an alien. He talks too much.

1:30:37 > 1:30:40I am Derek Bond DDS.

1:30:40 > 1:30:44I strongly suggest you lower that damnable weapon!

1:30:44 > 1:30:46Joey, I gotta do it!

1:30:46 > 1:30:50- Gary... - Wait. If you're Derek Bond,

1:30:50 > 1:30:53then sing the Camp Mapleridge song.

1:30:53 > 1:30:56- Yeah!- That was 25 years ago!

1:30:56 > 1:30:57Uh-huh!

1:30:57 > 1:31:00# Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge,

1:31:00 > 1:31:03# We come to you each summer... #

1:31:03 > 1:31:06- Honey... - # Oh, Mapleridge... #

1:31:06 > 1:31:08- Honey... - # Where all... #

1:31:08 > 1:31:09GUNSHOT

1:31:10 > 1:31:13This is asinine!

1:31:13 > 1:31:16- He's an imposter. - At last - someone with sense.

1:31:16 > 1:31:20I checked the dental registry,

1:31:20 > 1:31:25and the photo of Derek Bond DDS shows a much uglier man.

1:31:25 > 1:31:26You!

1:31:26 > 1:31:30A great pleasure to meet the real you at last.

1:31:30 > 1:31:33Ah. Well, gotta run.

1:31:33 > 1:31:36- Uh-uh.- Gotta run.- Here, pal.

1:31:36 > 1:31:38Franklin, let's go.

1:31:38 > 1:31:40Wait.

1:31:40 > 1:31:42Are you Kevin Whatshisname?

1:31:42 > 1:31:44Yes.

1:31:44 > 1:31:47I'm Kevin Franklin.

1:31:49 > 1:31:52You lied to us?

1:31:52 > 1:31:58We invited you into our home. We trusted you with our kids!

1:31:58 > 1:32:01We... We played golf together!

1:32:01 > 1:32:03And you lied to us.

1:32:05 > 1:32:09I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or your family.

1:32:09 > 1:32:13I appreciate everything you've done for me.

1:32:13 > 1:32:15All right! All right!

1:32:15 > 1:32:20Enough sentiment! He lied to you. Big deal. Just...just forget it.

1:32:20 > 1:32:22You're makin' me nuts!

1:32:22 > 1:32:25Grab Franklin and let's go.

1:32:25 > 1:32:27And, if I was you...

1:32:27 > 1:32:32- "Were" you.- What?- The subjunctive. "If I WERE you."- I'm gonna kill him.

1:32:32 > 1:32:35Brooke! Brooke!

1:32:35 > 1:32:36Listen.

1:32:36 > 1:32:41I've done a lot of things wrong and I apologise.

1:32:41 > 1:32:44I treated you really bad and yucky.

1:32:44 > 1:32:47I am begging you. There it is!

1:32:47 > 1:32:51I'm begging you, a'ight?! I mean, all right?

1:32:51 > 1:32:55Do you forgive me?

1:32:53 > 1:32:55No way, no how. See ya.

1:32:55 > 1:32:58No way, no how. See ya.

1:32:58 > 1:33:01OK, Romeo, you're breakin' my heart.

1:33:01 > 1:33:04What's going on here?

1:33:04 > 1:33:07- I'll miss you.- I'll miss you too.

1:33:07 > 1:33:09Beat it, kid.

1:33:09 > 1:33:12I appreciate all you've done. Bye, guys.

1:33:12 > 1:33:15Come on! My legs are killin' me.

1:33:15 > 1:33:17Well...

1:33:17 > 1:33:21You know, I haven't had a milkshake in three weeks.

1:33:21 > 1:33:26I'll run in this race if it kills me.

1:33:28 > 1:33:30Is the back door open?

1:33:30 > 1:33:32Let's go!

1:33:32 > 1:33:34< Get in the back.

1:33:34 > 1:33:35Get in!

1:33:35 > 1:33:38He really wasn't such a bad guy.

1:33:38 > 1:33:42- He understood me. - He taught me the balance pass.

1:33:42 > 1:33:46He watched cartoons with me. He made me stand up to my boss.

1:33:46 > 1:33:48You!

1:33:48 > 1:33:53Don't look at ME! I'm not a two-bit criminal into the mob for 50,000.

1:33:53 > 1:33:5950 grand? That's all that's between my oldest friend and his life?

1:33:59 > 1:34:02Franklin is your oldest friend?

1:34:02 > 1:34:04That man bamboozled you.

1:34:04 > 1:34:08He had good reason. I'm not a worm, dammit.

1:34:08 > 1:34:11No-one attacks my friend. I'm going after him.

1:34:11 > 1:34:16- JASON: I'm going too! - BROOKE: Me too, Daddy!

1:34:21 > 1:34:23TYRES SCREECH

1:34:28 > 1:34:32- Hey, Pauly. Pauly!- What, Joey?

1:34:32 > 1:34:34POLICEMAN: You can't go there!

1:34:34 > 1:34:38- You can't turn there. - Why not tell me before?!

1:34:38 > 1:34:41- You never listen.- Shut up!

1:34:41 > 1:34:42TYRES SCREECH

1:34:42 > 1:34:45I gotta get through! After the race.

1:34:45 > 1:34:49Hey, you can't leave your car here!

1:34:52 > 1:34:55ANNOUNCER: Runners, to your marks.

1:34:55 > 1:34:58Race time in five minutes!

1:34:58 > 1:35:01Five minutes to race time!

1:35:01 > 1:35:07Shoot him.

1:35:02 > 1:35:07Yeah, Pauly, but not here, cos it'd be all messy.

1:35:07 > 1:35:10We'll go to a car wash! Shoot him!

1:35:12 > 1:35:16All right, proud runners of Sewickley, you are off!

1:35:16 > 1:35:19STARTER GUN FIRES

1:35:19 > 1:35:22- What was that?- We lost him again.

1:35:26 > 1:35:28Sorry! Heh heh heh.

1:35:28 > 1:35:30Come on, buddy.

1:35:35 > 1:35:42Get 'em!

1:35:38 > 1:35:42You need a number! Go get 'em!

1:35:42 > 1:35:44TYRES SCREECH

1:35:46 > 1:35:49There they are. This way.

1:35:50 > 1:35:51Hey!

1:35:51 > 1:35:55- Come on, let's go. - Course violation!

1:35:57 > 1:35:59Come on!

1:36:00 > 1:36:02There!

1:36:03 > 1:36:07- I got cramp!- I know what you need.

1:36:13 > 1:36:16I know these people.

1:36:16 > 1:36:21In here. These people are friends of mine, so we'll just mingle.

1:36:21 > 1:36:24Let's get some chicken.

1:36:26 > 1:36:30You were running away. You stumbled on us.

1:36:30 > 1:36:33You ended up helping us more than we helped you.

1:36:33 > 1:36:37So come on. There's gotta be some way out of this.

1:36:38 > 1:36:42Well...there's one way.

1:36:41 > 1:36:42What?

1:36:42 > 1:36:46Oh, it's pretty. Oooh, look, barbecue!

1:36:46 > 1:36:49This ticket could be worth a million dollars.

1:36:49 > 1:36:52Hello, girls. ..There he is!

1:36:56 > 1:37:00For Christ's sake! Gary Young!

1:37:00 > 1:37:01You cheater!

1:37:01 > 1:37:04What's another 950,000?

1:37:04 > 1:37:10You're still a rich man because of your incredible friends,

1:37:10 > 1:37:13and your family - the Youngs. You're rich in love.

1:37:13 > 1:37:16In a show of good sportsmanship,

1:37:16 > 1:37:20the winners are Gary Young and Derek Bond!

1:37:20 > 1:37:22Are you blind?!

1:37:22 > 1:37:27When I'm through with you you'll be quivering on the highway.

1:37:31 > 1:37:32Pauly!

1:37:32 > 1:37:35Happy, I got him right here!

1:37:35 > 1:37:38- He put me on hold!- Stick 'em up!

1:37:38 > 1:37:41Not you! In the car.

1:37:41 > 1:37:44Kevin! Kevin.

1:37:44 > 1:37:48- I might have something you'd be interested...- Not interested.

1:37:48 > 1:37:53- A lottery ticket. - Lotto Schmotto!- Lotto? Get it!

1:37:53 > 1:37:58Lemme see. Happy, you're gonna be very happy. Extremely happy, Happy.

1:38:08 > 1:38:10Whoooo!

1:38:10 > 1:38:11Right!

1:38:11 > 1:38:16Brand new car, same old driver. You almost totalled this car.

1:38:16 > 1:38:19- That's how a Porsche parks.- Yeah.

1:38:19 > 1:38:20Hey, hey!

1:38:23 > 1:38:27- This paid for the car? - Success has advantages.

1:38:27 > 1:38:31- This is a great house. - Respect for this house, OK?

1:38:31 > 1:38:33Merry Christmas, everybody!

1:38:33 > 1:38:38Barnes and Noble has been sold out of this for weeks.

1:38:38 > 1:38:40Tellin' those stories again?

1:38:40 > 1:38:42The whole book thing was my idea.

1:38:42 > 1:38:46- It's A Wonderful Life on again? - The Big Spin.

1:38:46 > 1:38:50- Three dumb guys could win a million. - America's wonderful!

1:38:50 > 1:38:54'Pauly and Joey Gasperini.

1:38:54 > 1:38:56'Where it stops, nobody knows.'

1:38:56 > 1:38:58No!

1:38:58 > 1:39:01No! No!

1:39:01 > 1:39:03'Coming down...'

1:39:07 > 1:39:09"A million dollars!"

1:39:13 > 1:39:18'You jinxed me!'

1:39:15 > 1:39:18Yes! Yes! Yes!

1:39:18 > 1:39:21The greatest game in the world!

1:39:22 > 1:39:25- Merry Christmas.- Merry Christmas.

1:39:28 > 1:39:30CARL BELCHES

1:39:30 > 1:39:32Er...

1:39:32 > 1:39:34This stuff is awfully heavy.

1:39:34 > 1:39:37Let's get some grub.

1:39:37 > 1:39:41# We wish you a chilliburger

1:39:41 > 1:39:44# We wish you a chilliburger and mug of cold beer. #

1:39:44 > 1:39:47# Load the grill with fatty meat

1:39:47 > 1:39:50# Put it on a bun and eat, eat, eat

1:39:50 > 1:39:53# French fries, the brown-skinned vegetable

1:39:53 > 1:39:56# Cooked in a lot of grease

1:39:56 > 1:39:58# All of the other nuggets

1:39:58 > 1:40:02# Wished that they could be red meat

1:40:02 > 1:40:04# Five onion rings

1:40:04 > 1:40:07# Four dill pickles Three chocolate shakes

1:40:07 > 1:40:10# Two apple pies

1:40:10 > 1:40:14# And one big fat cheeseburger! #

1:40:14 > 1:40:15Yeah!

1:40:15 > 1:40:19# Patty melt, patty melt patty melt on rye

1:40:19 > 1:40:24# Oh, what fun it is to scarf A great big plate of fries

1:40:24 > 1:40:28# Chilli cheese, chilli cheese Chilli cheese on top

1:40:28 > 1:40:32# Shove it down, eat it all Chow until you pop

1:40:32 > 1:40:36# Cook it on the grill With a great big slab of Swiss

1:40:36 > 1:40:40# Put it in a bun Oh, what happiness!

1:40:40 > 1:40:44# Cheeseburger, cheeseburger burger all the way

1:40:44 > 1:40:49# Oh, what fun it is to munch a cheeseburger today

1:40:50 > 1:40:53# The first milkshake

1:40:53 > 1:40:56# Was a creamy delight

1:40:56 > 1:40:59# We sucked it down so fast

1:40:59 > 1:41:02# That we burped it up all night

1:41:04 > 1:41:09# Load the grill with fatty meat Cook it real fast and eat, eat, eat

1:41:09 > 1:41:14# Pile on bacon and blue cheese Bag the diet and cheat, cheat, cheat

1:41:14 > 1:41:17- # You'll be buyin' bigger jeans - Already got 'em, oversize

1:41:17 > 1:41:22# We don't care if we get fatter Gimme one more piece of apple pie

1:41:22 > 1:41:26# Drop the fries in a deep-fat fryer La la la la-la, la la la lard

1:41:26 > 1:41:30# Watch the sizzle crisp and bubble La la la la-la, la la la lard

1:41:30 > 1:41:34- # You'll be buyin' bigger jeans - Already got 'em, oversize

1:41:34 > 1:41:39# We don't care if we get fatter Gimme one more piece of apple pie. #

1:41:39 > 1:41:41Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd