0:00:42 > 0:00:46This film contains strong language.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Good morning. Because it's important we all get to know one another,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I would like you to wear these.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23I've taken two other courses from you, this year,
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- and you still don't know what my name is, do you?- I do.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29What is it?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32- Miss Chin - - You just looked.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35SIGHS
0:01:36 > 0:01:40The Price of Postmodernism: Epistemology and the Literary Canon.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44I have never had to wait this long for a response from a publisher.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- "He said it's unpublishable." - He said that?- "Yes."
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Leave a message... to call me.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57We may think him a curmudgeon and see his Key to All Mythologies
0:01:57 > 0:02:01as a monument to pedantry but she sees him as the embodiment of virtue.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05For next time, read Maud.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06All of it.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16LAUGHTER
0:02:23 > 0:02:25ALL LAUGH
0:02:27 > 0:02:30What are you doing?
0:02:33 > 0:02:38Um, there was a paper jam in the Xerox machine.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42- Aren't you happy to see your brother, Lawrence?- Adopted brother.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46How's the, er, kitchen-knife sales?
0:02:46 > 0:02:51- Or was it aluminium siding? How's that going?- Calling cards.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55It's, er, all kinds of great deals, domestic and foreign.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59We just added the tiny island nation of Haiti. It's a gold mine.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I'm glad to see that you're doing meaningful work.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Um, Lawrence, listen, I wanted to ask a favour
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- but it's - - Not again, please.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15I loaned you 1200 the last time that you showed up, two years ago,
0:03:15 > 0:03:17and before that it was another 600.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22Whatever it is that you're asking... the answer is no.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25I love you.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54KNOCK AT DOOR
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but do you have a moment
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- to discuss Casaubon? Do you - - My office hours are over.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11The sign says they're till five.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16- OK, but my watch says it's - - That is official university time.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20My watch, it gets information by satellite
0:04:20 > 0:04:23and it's... accurate to one millionth of a second.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Take it up with maintenance. Their offices are behind the stadium.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Of course, they close at five. Good luck to you.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Good evening. - Hey, Dad.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07We need to discuss something.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11What is Gibraltar's? I've underlined over 300 worth of items
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- you charged there last month. - It's an art book store.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I'm taking art history and the books are expensive.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23- I didn't know you wrote poetry. - Well, there's a lot you don't know.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Shit!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I need my car.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01MUSIC BLARES FROM HEADSET I need my car.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04I'm gonna need to see your receipt from campus security.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Davidson will take care of it on Monday.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I have an arrangement with him.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I can't give you your car without a receipt.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- I said Davidson will take care of it. - You don't remember me.
0:06:14 > 0:06:19- I took your Victorian poetry class last spring.- Yes.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- You gave me a D. - I remember.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29- Ben Onufrey.- Ben... Onufrey. - No receipt, no vehicle.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I can see that you take your job very seriously,
0:06:32 > 0:06:37so how about that I offer you... 20 for your trouble?
0:06:38 > 0:06:42According to rule 17-B in the Carnegie Mellon University
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- Traffic Citation Manual -- Listen, you little shit, I need my briefcase.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- Now stop your babbling and let me in. - The only way you'll get in there
0:06:50 > 0:06:53is if you pay the fine and bring me the receipt,
0:06:53 > 0:06:56at which point, this "little sh"...
0:07:11 > 0:07:14ATMOSPHERIC ALTERNATIVE-ROCK MUSIC
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Oh!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Hey!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46GRUNTS
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Spend less time memorising parking manuals
0:07:51 > 0:07:54and more time being alert!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59SNORES
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- Mr Wetherhold, I need you to wake up. - MUTTERS
0:08:04 > 0:08:10- Mr Wetherhold, I need you to wake up.- I was just resting my eyes.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- Have you suffered seizures before? - Before what?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Before tonight. You suffered a trauma-induced seizure earlier.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- Do you know what day of the week it is?- Yes.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- Well? - Well, what?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28You always this contentious or is it the result of the head trauma?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31I prefer language to be precise.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Well, then, you should have said, "I prefer precise language,"
0:08:35 > 0:08:38not, "I prefer language to be precise."
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I'm thirsty. Would you...?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45You need to stay overnight for observation.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47I need to make a phone call.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- He recognise you? - No.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- Well, you have aged. - Shut up.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01He told me my language was imprecise.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Was it? Imprecise?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06PHONE RINGS
0:09:06 > 0:09:11- Hello?- "Hi, may I please speak with Mrs Wetherhold?"
0:09:17 > 0:09:20PHONE RINGS
0:09:20 > 0:09:23I'm sorry, I'm not interested.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25"May I please speak to Mrs Wetherhold?"
0:09:25 > 0:09:28She's been dead for many years.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Whatever it is you're peddling, I'm not interested.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33"I'm calling about your father."
0:09:33 > 0:09:36"He's not home. Take us off your calling list."
0:09:36 > 0:09:39No, he's here in the ER. He's had an accident.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- Is he OK? - "He's fine."
0:09:42 > 0:09:46He suffered a concussion and a trauma-induced seizure.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50I'm sure your father would love to see you.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53You know, I'm taking the SAT tomorrow
0:09:53 > 0:09:55and it is ten o'clock right now,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58which means I have one more hour to practise before bed.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Head injuries are often more severe than they initially appear.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06- And your point?- Well, I would hate for you to regret
0:10:06 > 0:10:09not visiting your father in the hospital.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I appreciate the tip, Dr Phil.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- Little bitch. - Bitch.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- Tetanus shot. - SIGHS
0:10:29 > 0:10:34What happened to my car? It was... in the impoundment lot.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- I imagine it's still there. - If anyone asks, I was mugged.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42- I'm not gonna lie for you. Roll over.- Just be vague.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46- WINCES - That's good.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49There you go. That was well done.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01LIFT BELL PINGS
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- How nice of you to come. - So, what happened to your head?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11A big guy chased me. I climbed a fence.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- It's all a blur.- Great, so now, if I don't get the perfect score,
0:11:14 > 0:11:16at least I have someone to blame.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Your adopted brother, Chuck, called.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22He left a bunch of messages but I heard his voice
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- and deleted them all.- Yes, he showed up at the office today.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30Oh! It was so nice of you to come. I'm Doctor Hartigan.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Call your brother. Tell him to get my car out of the impound lot
0:11:36 > 0:11:41- and to have it here at 9am sharp. - Excuse me. No, you do that.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Because of the seizure, you can't legally drive for six months.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48- I have to report it to the DMV. - No, just don't report it.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I'm not being your chauffeur for six months!
0:11:51 > 0:11:54These times are crucial. Young Republicans.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- Model UN. National Honor Society. - I will hire a driver on Monday.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01The insurance company will pay for it.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06If you need anything, have one of the nurses page me. OK?
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Now go home, get some sleep and you'll get that perfect SAT score.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- That's what I've been trying to do. - Mercurial.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18I learned that word in the fifth grade.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22- Fecundity. - English is my first language.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- Uxorious. - That's appropriately obscure.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31- Mind you, I know it - overly fond of one's wife.- That's my girl.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35I have a good one - eft.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Let me ponder.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Short in stature. Diminutive.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46No, sorry, eft is a young newt.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49They rarely put nouns on the SAT.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03- You knew that word, right? - Of course. A young newt.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08I don't understand why you had to check out so early.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12- I only get one Saturday morning per week, you know.- Cry me a river.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Get off it, James.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Why'd you try to jump the fence, anyway?
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- Where did you hear about the fence? - Two people from school told me.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Can you move to the passenger seat?
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- I doubt that sitting on the right makes you sick.- If I vomit,
0:13:29 > 0:13:31we'll both look stupid.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I remember when Mom used to drop me off at kindergarten.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38You sat in the passenger seat then.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49TV CHATTER
0:13:54 > 0:13:56What the hell are you doing here?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Watching a documentary on snow apes. - Hey, man.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04- Hey, Jim. - Good to see you, Chuck.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- You look like you had another growth spurt.- I don't think so.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Not since I saw you last.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I would like an explanation. Why are you here?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Vanessa said that you couldn't drive for six months,
0:14:16 > 0:14:18so I'm here to help.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21He's pretty sure he's gonna move in and be your driver.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25I think I got the perfect score. There was one tricky math one -
0:14:25 > 0:14:30Did it ever occur to you that I might not want you to drive me,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32let alone move in?
0:14:32 > 0:14:38It did occur to me but... Vanessa spoke to the insurance company
0:14:38 > 0:14:41and they're not going to pay for a chauffeur.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45I wrote a letter of complaint and I wrote a request for an appeal,
0:14:45 > 0:14:48so if I could get your signature, I will fax it.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53I'm a little low on cash right now.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I can't really afford to get my own apartment,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59so it's kind of a win-win situation.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01No, it's not a win-win situation.
0:15:01 > 0:15:07It might be if you were even vaguely reliable... but you're not.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- There's a spare room upstairs. There's linens and towels -- Ssh!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Thank you, Jim.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Do you even have a valid driver's licence?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26SNIFFS
0:15:26 > 0:15:28I need a ride to campus.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- I will see you downstairs in five minutes.- You got it.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36GROANS / COUGHS
0:15:43 > 0:15:45ENGINE REVS Oh!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Make a left.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15We need someone with a national scholarly reputation
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- and strong leadership experience. - Well, thank you, Martin.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22- I am honoured to serve in the position.- You heard?
0:16:22 > 0:16:27- CHUCKLES Word travels fast. - Usually it's a pain in the butt
0:16:27 > 0:16:31to find someone to chair the search committee.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36I thought we were hiring from within the department.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Well, everyone else is so busy this semester,
0:16:39 > 0:16:41delivering papers, publishing.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Have you read what they're publishing? Most of it's garbage.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- That's not very collegial. - Neither is forcing me
0:16:48 > 0:16:50to chair this search committee.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- I am busy, too.- When was the last time you attended
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- a department meeting? - When was the last time
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- there was anything worth discussing? - I need you to do this.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Bon appetit, Martin.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Now that Roth has forced me to chair the committee, I can't very well
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- nominate myself.- You should've had that position eight years ago.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- That was a travesty if I ever saw one.- You were nine at the time.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17I will tell Roth that this injury is too much
0:17:17 > 0:17:20and it precludes me from heading the committee.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Why do you wanna be head of the department?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25You don't like the professors or any of your students.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30There was a time when students were passionate about literature.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Today's students are only passionate about getting As.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Dick Cheney!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41His daughter is a lesbian
0:17:41 > 0:17:45and while her partner is considered to be "one of the family",
0:17:45 > 0:17:48they never allowed her on stage during the campaign.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51OK, well, the point is, in 2000, Cheney was the chair
0:17:51 > 0:17:54of Bush's vice-presidential search committee.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56You know, he nominated himself.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01Nominating myself? It seems rather unethical.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03It's the democratic process.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07If it can work for the Vice President of America,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09it can work for you.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15I wanted to call you all together, one last time,
0:18:15 > 0:18:20before we were into exams. We've received over 200 applications.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25Fewer than ten of the applications merit serious consideration.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27- Based on what criteria? - The criteria
0:18:27 > 0:18:31listed in the official university bylaws on faculty hires.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33When we did this before, we spent a few sessions
0:18:33 > 0:18:37devising a rubric for candidate evaluations,
0:18:37 > 0:18:39one based on more humanistic ideals.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41LOUD TEARING / CRUNCHING OF PAPER
0:18:42 > 0:18:45A few applicants forgot to include copies
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- of their student evaluations. - I find the evaluations
0:18:48 > 0:18:51that students write about me utterly useless.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55It's mostly just speculation about my sexuality.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02- Try not to blink. - This is, er, rather uncomfortable.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04OK. We're set, Mr Wetherhold.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10How come my follow-up wasn't with Dr Hartigan?
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Because she's the head of the ER, not a neurologist like myself.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17You know, she's gonna kill me for saying this
0:19:17 > 0:19:20but, um... she used to be a student of yours, years ago.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Oh, I've had lots of students.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26I think she had a schoolgirl crush, in effect.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Oh, she did, did she?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31- Are we done? - Yeah.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Pleasure(!)
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- Yeah, still around. - Here you go, miss.- Hi.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45How's your head? Did you see Dr Strouse yet?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Yes, everything is fine.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55I, er, figured it out. You were my student.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Um, you must forgive me for not remembering the other night
0:20:01 > 0:20:03when they brought me into the ER.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- Did you lose weight? - No, not at all.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Same weight.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Night.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- What are you doing? - Are these your mom's?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Don't get mayonnaise on them!
0:20:40 > 0:20:43You should really make your bed. It sets the tone for the day.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47How do you know what tone I wanted to set?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Don't you think it's kind of... weird
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- to keep dead people's clothes lying around?- Yes.
0:21:00 > 0:21:05Dad's been saving them. It's really not a good thing for him.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09If we donate them to Goodwill, we get a tax write-off...
0:21:10 > 0:21:13..which is great.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18You're a monster.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- May I give you a ride home? - Er, no, thank you.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37My adopted brother is supposed to... pick me up.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Are you sure? It's pretty cold.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52- OK, thank you. - Here...
0:21:59 > 0:22:01POIGNANT SONG, FEMALE VOCALIST
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- Don't forget the tax receipt. - Right.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24You know, you can sit up front if you want.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Oh, that's OK. I'm fine.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30I get, er... nauseated
0:22:30 > 0:22:33if I ride on the... right-hand side of the car.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Dr Strouse said I was fine
0:22:39 > 0:22:42and I was wondering if you could call the DMV
0:22:42 > 0:22:45and have them repeal my driving restriction.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47That's not how it works.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54- SIGHS - So, er, what are you teaching this semester?
0:22:54 > 0:22:58I'm teaching two sections on the Victorians.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Do you like the Victorians? - I used to.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09- The Victorian novel, huh? - Hmmm.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Wow, how many times can you read Bleak House?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14You never tire of Bleak House.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- I can always find something new to say about it.- Mm.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Don't you have anything better to do?
0:23:30 > 0:23:33SIGHS
0:23:41 > 0:23:43You need to relax.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46No, you need to relax. I need to study.
0:23:50 > 0:23:55- SNIFFS - Great, I'm in an after-school special.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59- Your dad used to smoke when he was in grad school.- Oh, yeah?
0:23:59 > 0:24:03He was too scared to buy it, so I would have to do it for him.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05They called him Hookah Larry.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Look, your pathetic attempts to manipulate me,
0:24:09 > 0:24:11they're never going to work.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17SPEAKS SPANISH, ENTICINGLY, ABOUT MARIJUANA
0:24:19 > 0:24:21CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Oh, Jesus.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH
0:24:30 > 0:24:33LAUGHS OK... shut up and give it to me.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40If this gives me brain damage... I will kill you.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Lupita is crying over Pedro,
0:24:45 > 0:24:48who is being abused by Manuel.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52She's gonna leave Manuel, you know, he's such a machismo,
0:24:52 > 0:24:56and, er... she's gonna move in with Diego.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00- He's really handsome and built. - CHUCKLES
0:25:00 > 0:25:03If your Spanish were better, you would see all of that.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- Thank you for driving me. - Oh, you're welcome.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23This is your house, right?
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Yes.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Shit. Wait!
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Wait! Wait! Er...
0:25:43 > 0:25:47CHUCKLES I forgot this.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Er, would you like to have
0:25:55 > 0:25:59a face-to-face... conversation sometime?
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Er, we could finish our discussion of Victorian literature.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05We weren't really having a conversation
0:26:05 > 0:26:08about Victorian literature.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12I suppose I'd have to drive.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15I hadn't thought of that.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23How about Friday night at 7:30 for a face-to-face conversation?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25That would work.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29OK, bye.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40FRONT DOOR CLICKS SHUT
0:26:40 > 0:26:42SNIFFS
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Smell something burning?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Maybe, er... cannabis?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Are you mad?
0:26:52 > 0:26:56I waited outside the, er, medical centre for, er, aeons.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Where were you?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Helping Vanessa with her Spanish.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Lost track of time, sorry.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Where'd you get that?
0:27:21 > 0:27:25- The closet.- I told him Wellesley was a women's college.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29- That's Caroline's sweatshirt. - That, too. I told him that, too.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32I told him... it was Mom's sweatshirt.
0:27:33 > 0:27:38Take it off, please. Did it ever occur to you
0:27:38 > 0:27:42that I might be saving that sweatshirt? Hm?
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Please don't rip it. SIGHS
0:27:53 > 0:27:56(I think he may have smelled the pot.)
0:27:56 > 0:28:00"I told him Wellesley was a women's college"?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03God, what a narc!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05SIGHS
0:28:13 > 0:28:15# "Flow" - Nuno Bettencourt
0:28:27 > 0:28:31You know, we didn't just donate her clothes on a whim,
0:28:31 > 0:28:34we did it for your psychological wellbeing.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Will you wait in the car?
0:28:44 > 0:28:48Let's see, "Professor Wetherhold is a conceited dickhead,"
0:28:48 > 0:28:51"An asshole," "Unfair..." Oh, here's one!
0:28:51 > 0:28:55- What does it say?- "Professor Wetherhold is knowledgeable
0:28:55 > 0:28:58but he doesn't impart that knowledge to his students."
0:28:58 > 0:29:00"He barked information and then complained
0:29:00 > 0:29:03when our papers did not measure up to his bizarre standards."
0:29:03 > 0:29:06I'll dig deeper.
0:29:08 > 0:29:12Hey, can we go to the mall tonight instead of this afternoon?
0:29:12 > 0:29:16- There's, like, three games I wanna watch.- I can't go tonight.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19- Why's that? - I'm busy.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22Yeah, busy with what? I gotta go to the mall.
0:29:22 > 0:29:27- I have an appointment.- Really? - Yes.- With who?
0:29:27 > 0:29:30- With none of your business. - An appointment with whom?
0:29:30 > 0:29:35- None of your business. - I just want to know! God!
0:29:35 > 0:29:37Dr Hartigan.
0:29:39 > 0:29:44- I knew it.- Good work. You spend 50 on dinner,
0:29:44 > 0:29:48that's grounds for intercourse with "none of your business".
0:29:48 > 0:29:51Dad, if there are any romantic inklings, you're simply not ready.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55I mean, the sociosexual mores have really shifted.
0:29:55 > 0:29:59- And, look, let's not forget the stigma attached to widowers. - SIGHS
0:29:59 > 0:30:02Widowers. At some point, the statute of limitations
0:30:02 > 0:30:06- has gotta run out on that.- We're not talking about this any more.
0:30:08 > 0:30:11Don't freak out and sabotage it
0:30:11 > 0:30:15- like you always do.- I don't always freak out and sabotage it.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18This hospital is littered with men you've left in your wake.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21And with men you've left in your wake.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23- What are you doing? - "Nothing."
0:30:23 > 0:30:27Nothing. I'm just reading something. I'll call you back, OK?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29POIGNANT SONG, FEMALE VOCALIST
0:30:49 > 0:30:52- Hi.- Hi, there. - How are you?
0:30:54 > 0:30:58- What are you doing here? - Excuse me?
0:31:02 > 0:31:05He's kind of a fragile guy.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08- You know, he's not ready for this. - He's fragile?
0:31:08 > 0:31:13- What do you mean?- You know what? It's quite predatory, actually.
0:31:14 > 0:31:18Have you forgotten about the Hippocratic oath you took,
0:31:18 > 0:31:21about not fucking your patients?
0:31:21 > 0:31:24- Your father's no longer my patient. - Oh.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42We respond to literary texts
0:31:42 > 0:31:45using precisely the same fundamental interpretive categories
0:31:45 > 0:31:48as authors and poets use to create them,
0:31:48 > 0:31:52so there's no need to posit any kind of unstable ontology
0:31:52 > 0:31:55or ruptured consciousness. Are you following me?
0:31:55 > 0:31:57- Yeah, I - - Any coffee? Desserts?
0:31:57 > 0:32:01- Yeah...- It's too late for coffee. I'll tell you what.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05One piece of chocolate cake and two... forks, two plates.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08- So no-one... - Thank you.
0:32:08 > 0:32:12..has ever looked at this process of cultural criticism through the -
0:32:12 > 0:32:1445 minutes.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16Excuse me?
0:32:16 > 0:32:2145 minutes. That's how long it's been since I've uttered a word.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25I mean, do you even know where I'm from?
0:32:25 > 0:32:30Where I live? Anything about my family? What kind of day did I have?
0:32:30 > 0:32:33Well, if you actually did wanna know,
0:32:33 > 0:32:36um, I was having a great day until about, um, 30 minutes ago
0:32:36 > 0:32:40when I realised you weren't gonna shut up. In fact,
0:32:40 > 0:32:44you... actually gave me a C in your course.
0:32:44 > 0:32:49You said my paper was sophomoric. I was a freshman.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51That's not what sophomoric means.
0:32:51 > 0:32:56I know. I know that. The other night when I drove you home,
0:32:56 > 0:33:00I thought I saw a different side of you
0:33:00 > 0:33:03but now I'm back to thinking you're the same pompous windbag
0:33:03 > 0:33:06who made me switch my major
0:33:06 > 0:33:09- from English to Biology.- Well, certainly an established physician
0:33:09 > 0:33:12is not harbouring resentment for a grade she received
0:33:12 > 0:33:15- more than ten years ago. - This was a mistake.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Your daughter was right.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22Thank you. It's probably better if you get a cab home.
0:33:35 > 0:33:39I take it, by your presence here at 8:45, you did not get laid.
0:33:41 > 0:33:45- KNOCK AT DOOR - Come in, unless it's Chuck.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49- I'm back. - Thank God.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56This is a good-sized room.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59Yeah, I'm pretty sure you've been in here before.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05Do you think I'm self-absorbed?
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Well, I think self-absorption's underrated.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14I think everyone needs some compassion,
0:34:14 > 0:34:18some... capacity for sympathy, empathy.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20Right?
0:34:20 > 0:34:24Dad, Theresa Sternbridge practically runs a soup kitchen
0:34:24 > 0:34:29and she's always seen posing in photos with crack babies
0:34:29 > 0:34:34and dying, old, crusty ladies. And do you know why?
0:34:35 > 0:34:40She scored in the... 45th percentile on her SAT.
0:34:42 > 0:34:47People like you and me don't need to compensate.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50I'm glad you're home early. That physician wasn't good for you.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53Too young and... kind of uncultured,
0:34:53 > 0:34:57like oh so many in the medical profession.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01Oh, I thought of the perfect new title for your book!
0:35:08 > 0:35:10Right?
0:35:10 > 0:35:13- Good night. - Bonsoir.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18# "Flow" - Nuno Bettencourt
0:35:19 > 0:35:24# Where is the narrator in my life?
0:35:24 > 0:35:27# Maybe he doesn't know
0:35:27 > 0:35:30# Where I've fled
0:35:30 > 0:35:34# Running through the city in my head
0:35:36 > 0:35:38# I shed
0:35:38 > 0:35:42# regret
0:36:07 > 0:36:10# I shed
0:36:10 > 0:36:15# regret #
0:36:33 > 0:36:36SHRIEKS EXCITEDLY
0:36:48 > 0:36:50What are you doing here?
0:36:50 > 0:36:56- That gurney was sterile. - I re-read your... essay
0:36:56 > 0:36:59and, er... at first I considered giving it a higher grade
0:36:59 > 0:37:03but then I decided that the... the C should stick.
0:37:05 > 0:37:09Do you honestly think I care about a grade I received in college?
0:37:09 > 0:37:12I admit that the paper, as you originally wrote,
0:37:12 > 0:37:15"lacks a clear focus and rambles like a bad folk song"
0:37:15 > 0:37:19but I read it again the other day and its thesis is quite good.
0:37:22 > 0:37:27I should've been more diplomatic and less pompous as your professor
0:37:27 > 0:37:31- and as your dinner date. - True.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35- I'm out of practice. - What, usually you're better
0:37:35 > 0:37:40- at masking your pomposity? - Could... could we give this,
0:37:40 > 0:37:44um... face-to-face conversation one more try?
0:37:44 > 0:37:50Um... I haven't been on a date in a while.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57I'd have to drive again, I suppose.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12Merry Christmas!
0:38:31 > 0:38:33CRANKS ENGINE
0:38:41 > 0:38:43Fuck!
0:38:43 > 0:38:46It was clever of you to reserve the same table.
0:38:46 > 0:38:51Well, I wanted to, er, make sure that I had an authentic second chance.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57Would you like to start with some wine?
0:38:57 > 0:39:00Um, well, I'm on call tonight, so I can't drink.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03- You're on call? - Yeah.
0:39:03 > 0:39:08- So this date may end at any moment? - Well, if I'm paged, yes.
0:39:08 > 0:39:13- I can come back.- No, no, it's OK. I will have the lobster,
0:39:13 > 0:39:16- the house salad and house dressing on the side, please.- Sir?
0:39:16 > 0:39:20Oh, yes, the clock is ticking. I'm going to have the cod
0:39:20 > 0:39:25and... house salad, house dressing on the side.
0:39:34 > 0:39:38I'm sorry I called you an arrogant windbag the other night.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41- You called me a pompous windbag. - LAUGHS
0:39:41 > 0:39:46So have you heard from any of the publishers about your book?
0:39:46 > 0:39:50Um, did you... ever tell me where you're from?
0:39:50 > 0:39:53- Well, how long ago did you send it? - A few weeks ago.- Oh.
0:39:53 > 0:39:56What did your parents do?
0:39:56 > 0:39:58- What are you doing? - What do you mean?
0:39:58 > 0:40:03- I'm asking you about the book.- Yes, and I'm not taking the bait, am I?
0:40:04 > 0:40:06Come on, I'm interested in the book.
0:40:09 > 0:40:14It's... been rejected by a few publishers.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19Actually, it's been rejected by everyone, so...
0:40:19 > 0:40:22Rejection is tough.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27It can scar you for life. But you can rewrite it.
0:40:27 > 0:40:32- You can, you know, send it out again, can't you? - SIGHS
0:40:40 > 0:40:43It's about time!
0:40:46 > 0:40:49"Stem cell research: the wrong choice."
0:40:49 > 0:40:52That's some real riveting shit. You Young Republicans
0:40:52 > 0:40:57- really know how to party. Bet you guys are fun(!)- I have fun.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00You're at a Hitler Youth Rally the first night of Christmas break.
0:41:00 > 0:41:04- My fun is a little more cerebral than yours.- Come on.
0:41:04 > 0:41:08When was the last time you did something bad? Or subversive?
0:41:08 > 0:41:10Like a normal teenager.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13- Do you know what you're doing? - CRACKLING - Jesus!
0:41:13 > 0:41:18I bet you never cheated or stole anything. Or jaywalked.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21Well, I've smoked pot with my, er, perverted uncle.
0:41:21 > 0:41:24OK, that was because I coerced you.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26You didn't do that of your own volition.
0:41:26 > 0:41:31- You're in jeopardy of becoming a 17-year-old robot.- OK, shut up,
0:41:31 > 0:41:33cos you really don't know me.
0:41:33 > 0:41:37I actually got accepted to Stanford two weeks ago.
0:41:39 > 0:41:43Really? But Carnegie Mellon is free for you
0:41:43 > 0:41:46and Stanford's, I don't know, 600, 700 a year.
0:41:46 > 0:41:4940 grand, actually.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54Well, your father is gonna kill you
0:41:54 > 0:41:59but, for the time being, I'm filled with pride.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03Come on, little mermaid, let's go celebrate.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14ALL CHATTER
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Think older, you'll appear older.
0:42:17 > 0:42:21I want you to grab that table. I'm gonna get a pitcher of beer.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24# "Rush You" - The Baby Animals
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Keep your eye out, there's a guy over there
0:42:36 > 0:42:40- that used to be a woman. - Out on the town with Grandpa?
0:42:40 > 0:42:43- Fuck off. - Those seem like nice girls(!)
0:42:54 > 0:42:56That's disgusting.
0:42:57 > 0:42:59That is disgusting.
0:43:02 > 0:43:06- You must miss your wife. - Mm.
0:43:07 > 0:43:11- Sorry, I shouldn't be so direct. - If... my wife, Caroline,
0:43:11 > 0:43:15were here right now, she would be telling me to stop pitying myself.
0:43:16 > 0:43:20She was, um, a lovely, funny, intelligent woman
0:43:20 > 0:43:22and she'd want you to know it,
0:43:22 > 0:43:27but she'd also advise me not to talk about my dead wife
0:43:27 > 0:43:31on a date with a... beautiful woman.
0:43:35 > 0:43:38And she'd be wondering
0:43:38 > 0:43:42when I was going to get around to... kissing you.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47# "Rush You" - The Baby Animals
0:44:10 > 0:44:13What is it like...
0:44:14 > 0:44:17- ..bein' stupid?- What's it like sitting alone at lunch every day?
0:44:17 > 0:44:20It sucks.
0:44:21 > 0:44:24- Come with me. - GIGGLES
0:44:40 > 0:44:44I'm, er... not used to condoms
0:44:44 > 0:44:48- but I thought it... went OK. - CHUCKLES
0:44:48 > 0:44:51Very nice.
0:44:51 > 0:44:57- Yeah.- Cos... I just don't wanna blow it with you.
0:45:02 > 0:45:05Do you have any plans for Christmas?
0:45:10 > 0:45:14- Will you excuse me for a minute? - Mm.
0:45:17 > 0:45:21Cos my daughter, Vanessa, makes quite a spread.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25SIGHS
0:45:31 > 0:45:34# "Stitch" - The Baby Animals
0:45:46 > 0:45:49I was just paged.
0:45:53 > 0:45:57I haven't been up this late in years.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48- (SLURS) Linsey hates me, you know? - Mm-hm.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51Brooke hates me. Everybody hates me.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Well, if you tell people they're stupid,
0:46:54 > 0:46:57they'll usually hate you.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00And I wasn't, like,
0:47:00 > 0:47:05completely congenial when you first... came.
0:47:12 > 0:47:17- Yeah, you're right. - But you like me now.
0:47:17 > 0:47:19I like you now. Oh!
0:47:20 > 0:47:22Vanessa...
0:47:23 > 0:47:26..come on!
0:47:26 > 0:47:28You're adopted.
0:47:28 > 0:47:31It's not like it's... biblical.
0:47:32 > 0:47:35You just wanna fuck that trashy waitress.
0:47:35 > 0:47:37That's none of your business.
0:47:37 > 0:47:42- You're drunk and you're 17 and you're my niece. - MUMBLES
0:47:42 > 0:47:46Great idea, giving you beer.
0:47:53 > 0:47:55Come on.
0:47:57 > 0:48:01- Hey, you! - Are you drunk?
0:48:04 > 0:48:09- Did you get her drunk?- No. - She seems drunk.- She's drunk.
0:48:12 > 0:48:17- How was your date? - You're a giant toddler.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22Mom and Dad did you absolutely no favours
0:48:22 > 0:48:26allowing you to become the immature scam artist that you are.
0:48:30 > 0:48:32POIGNANT SONG, FEMALE VOCALIST
0:49:08 > 0:49:12Oh, Vanessa, did anyone call me today?
0:49:12 > 0:49:17Um... Oh, yeah, yeah! Yeah, a telemarketer.
0:49:17 > 0:49:21It was a man. You're acting very desperate.
0:49:27 > 0:49:31- I got it. - SIGHS
0:49:31 > 0:49:35Will you stop avoiding me? I was drunk.
0:49:36 > 0:49:38I'm not avoiding you,
0:49:38 > 0:49:42I just... need some time alone, please.
0:49:51 > 0:49:53Thank you.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28Er, hi, Janet. Sorry to leave you yet another message
0:50:28 > 0:50:31but I realised that you may not have my phone number
0:50:31 > 0:50:34and that's why you haven't called me back.
0:50:34 > 0:50:38"My number is 412-155..."
0:50:38 > 0:50:40CONTINUES TALKING
0:50:43 > 0:50:46SIGHS
0:50:48 > 0:50:52Didn't you prove that you can't hold your alcohol?
0:50:52 > 0:50:54I'm having one glass, moron.
0:50:55 > 0:50:59And I chose this Beaujolais specifically to go with the ham.
0:51:09 > 0:51:15Neither of you is old enough to be drinking.
0:51:16 > 0:51:18Dude...
0:51:18 > 0:51:23- Let's get drunk.- I need something to wash down this rubber ham.
0:51:23 > 0:51:27Actually, I downloaded the recipe from the Internet.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29I translated it from Old French.
0:51:29 > 0:51:33It dates all the way back to Louis XIV and he was the one
0:51:33 > 0:51:36that actually decided dishes should be served in courses
0:51:36 > 0:51:40because before that it was served as this big pile of food and -
0:51:40 > 0:51:44Maybe you messed up the translation and that's why it tastes burnt.
0:51:44 > 0:51:48- If you'd like, I could jam that up your ass for you.- That's enough.
0:51:48 > 0:51:51Enough.
0:51:53 > 0:51:56- Well, this is... cheerful(!) - Shut up.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59- DOORBELL CHIMES - Who... would think
0:51:59 > 0:52:03to interrupt this perfect Christmas dinner?
0:52:13 > 0:52:16- Hi. - Hi.
0:52:16 > 0:52:20- You're the doctor girlfriend, right? - You're the adopted brother, right?
0:52:21 > 0:52:23Well, you don't appear to be boring.
0:52:23 > 0:52:27Well, you've just met me. For all you know, I'm boring.
0:52:27 > 0:52:30You've presented yourself here uninvited and unannounced
0:52:30 > 0:52:33for Christmas dinner. That is not boring.
0:52:33 > 0:52:35- And the cake? - CHUCKLES
0:52:35 > 0:52:40- Lexotonin? That's an antidepressant. - I stole it from the break room.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44- Am I interrupting anything? - No, welcome.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47We could use a little antivenom in the snake pit.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51- Thank you very much. Move along, thank you.- Hi.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54- Hi. Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
0:53:00 > 0:53:02BOTH CHATTER
0:53:06 > 0:53:09The woman brought a cake.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12Hello.
0:53:14 > 0:53:18- Vanessa! - I'm getting the physician a plate!
0:53:18 > 0:53:20Thank you.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44My, what a generous portion.
0:53:44 > 0:53:48- Enjoy.- Vanessa is the perfect little housewife. I mean, daughter.
0:53:48 > 0:53:52If by perfect you mean not retarded/suffering from
0:53:52 > 0:53:56insurmountable credit-card debt, then, yes, I am indeed perfect.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59Would you two please stop bickering?
0:53:59 > 0:54:02These children haven't been properly parented in years,
0:54:02 > 0:54:06that's why I was brought in, to ensure they don't kill each other.
0:54:07 > 0:54:10- Merry Christmas. - LAUGHS
0:54:13 > 0:54:16Please.
0:54:18 > 0:54:21"So much depends upon a red wheelbarrow"...
0:54:21 > 0:54:24William Carlos Williams.
0:54:24 > 0:54:28- He was a physician. - Yes, I know that.
0:54:28 > 0:54:32Many considered him to be an imagist but he was more of a modernist,
0:54:32 > 0:54:35eschewing the poetic traditions of Europe
0:54:35 > 0:54:38in favour of celebrating everyday circumstances.
0:54:39 > 0:54:42But I digress and, er...
0:54:43 > 0:54:47I like suburban Pittsburgh for Christmas.
0:54:47 > 0:54:49Yes, it's really glamorous.
0:54:49 > 0:54:55You're in the... Paris of Western Pennsylvania.
0:54:57 > 0:55:00I'm really glad that you stopped by.
0:55:10 > 0:55:15I just saw Dad and the physician kissing. I am going to puke.
0:55:15 > 0:55:18Why does physical affection bother you so much?
0:55:18 > 0:55:20It doesn't, actually.
0:55:20 > 0:55:25- You're not the only one who deserves to have fun.- What's your point?
0:55:25 > 0:55:28- I saw you both at Gibraltar's. Drunk.- I saw you, too.
0:55:28 > 0:55:31I saw you, too, man. Bravo!
0:55:40 > 0:55:45I am proud that we whittled it down to these three so quickly.
0:55:45 > 0:55:49- I have another candidate in mind. - Who?
0:55:50 > 0:55:55- Me.- Can you apply? You're... you're the chair of the committee.
0:55:55 > 0:55:58Yes, I am permitted to apply.
0:55:58 > 0:56:02It's well within Carnegie Mellon's ethical codes of conduct.
0:56:02 > 0:56:05It's... part of the democratic process.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09Ticktock.
0:56:11 > 0:56:14BOTH CHATTER
0:56:20 > 0:56:24When I come back, you better have a word on that board.
0:56:25 > 0:56:27PHONE RINGS
0:56:28 > 0:56:32Vanessa, this phone is for emergencies only.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35I didn't want to call you at her apartment, I just...
0:56:35 > 0:56:38Are you coming home for dinner? Because Chuck's gone
0:56:38 > 0:56:42- and I'm the only one here. - I'm eating here tonight.
0:56:42 > 0:56:44Well, that's just... fantastic.
0:56:44 > 0:56:48What am I supposed to do with the beef stroganoff I made
0:56:48 > 0:56:50and the garlic whipped potatoes?
0:56:51 > 0:56:56(I'm going to be home in a few hours. Could you save me a little bit?)
0:56:56 > 0:56:59"Just a plate..."
0:57:01 > 0:57:04PHONE RINGS
0:57:05 > 0:57:07This is Lawrence Wetherhold.
0:57:07 > 0:57:11- Um, who is this?- "This is Deb Rosenblatt from the Penguin Group."
0:57:11 > 0:57:15"Mr Bloomberg liked your manuscript and would like to meet you."
0:57:15 > 0:57:19Well... it is a very interesting concept, isn't it?
0:57:20 > 0:57:23STAPLE GUN CLICKS
0:57:24 > 0:57:28Yeah, I always wondered who littered the world with those.
0:57:28 > 0:57:32- Where have you been? I haven't seen you all week.- I've been busy.
0:57:32 > 0:57:35I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me, OK?
0:57:35 > 0:57:38I completely respect your homosexuality
0:57:38 > 0:57:42and I will refrain from any further untoward advances.
0:57:42 > 0:57:47Truth be told, I've started dating someone. Someone my own age.
0:57:47 > 0:57:50What's his name?
0:57:50 > 0:57:53- STAPLE GUN CLICKS - Her name...
0:57:54 > 0:57:56..is none of your business.
0:57:56 > 0:58:00I will be staying at HER apartment a couple of nights a week.
0:58:00 > 0:58:03So, does she know you're gay?
0:58:04 > 0:58:08I don't think that you and I should be hanging out as much.
0:58:08 > 0:58:11Well, that's just... it's idiotic.
0:58:11 > 0:58:14I mean, who am I supposed to hang out with?
0:58:14 > 0:58:18I just think that we both need to... you know, get a life.
0:58:18 > 0:58:23My life begins when I set foot in California next fall.
0:58:25 > 0:58:29- The cab was 9. - Well, I'll pay you back.
0:58:30 > 0:58:32Well...
0:58:33 > 0:58:35- ..they're publishing my book. - What?!
0:58:35 > 0:58:39- Who the fuck's gonna read that? - Bloomberg. I knew it.
0:58:39 > 0:58:43I so knew it! Well, when are we gonna meet with them?
0:58:43 > 0:58:49Er, you have school, so I'm... I'm taking Janet
0:58:49 > 0:58:52and... flying to New York on... Monday.
0:58:56 > 0:58:58You have school.
0:59:01 > 0:59:04SIGHS
0:59:06 > 0:59:10So, I sort of met somebody. I was kind of hoping
0:59:10 > 0:59:13you could float me some greenbacks to get my own apartment.
0:59:13 > 0:59:18SIGHS You know, more and more, I'm getting used to you.
0:59:19 > 0:59:22I need you here,
0:59:22 > 0:59:24so... no.
0:59:28 > 0:59:32There was a twinkle of humanity in there.
0:59:33 > 0:59:37# Gonna tell you all a story
0:59:37 > 0:59:39# About a girl who's just informed me
0:59:39 > 0:59:41# That all she needs to love me
0:59:41 > 0:59:44# Is a quiet peaceful day
0:59:44 > 0:59:47# She don't need no shiny diamonds
0:59:47 > 0:59:49# Or a fancy car to drive in
0:59:49 > 0:59:53# She just needs me there beside her
0:59:53 > 0:59:56# On a quiet peaceful day
0:59:56 > 0:59:59# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... #
1:00:01 > 1:00:05It's almost ten. I need to leave.
1:00:07 > 1:00:09Good luck. Knock 'em dead.
1:00:11 > 1:00:14Does this suit make me look too eager?
1:00:14 > 1:00:18How can a suit make anyone look too eager?
1:00:21 > 1:00:25- Wish me luck. - I just did. Go already.
1:00:25 > 1:00:29You're starting to make me nervous. Goodbye.
1:00:29 > 1:00:32CHUCKLES
1:00:37 > 1:00:40At first, I thought it was the driest piece of shit ever...
1:00:40 > 1:00:43- What?- ..till I got to the third section, where I noticed
1:00:43 > 1:00:45a certain marketable tone -
1:00:45 > 1:00:48the surly, smarter-than-thou asshole tone.
1:00:48 > 1:00:52People love to hate books like this. NPR will attack the book
1:00:52 > 1:00:56- and you'll be defending yourself on Charlie Rose.- That's...
1:00:58 > 1:01:01- ..not the point of the book. - I understand your hesitancy
1:01:01 > 1:01:05but when was the last time a senior editor edited, actually edited?
1:01:06 > 1:01:10We spent the entire staff meeting last week talking about it.
1:01:10 > 1:01:13The marketing guys and two junior editors loved it. It's like
1:01:13 > 1:01:16the book itself is a fucking bully.
1:01:17 > 1:01:19You Can't Read.
1:01:21 > 1:01:23You Can't Read.
1:01:23 > 1:01:25Brilliant!
1:01:57 > 1:01:59Shit.
1:02:12 > 1:02:15- SWITCHES TV OFF Hey. - Hi.
1:02:16 > 1:02:18Well, how'd it go?
1:02:19 > 1:02:22Great. They loved me over there.
1:02:22 > 1:02:25It's going to be a very important book.
1:02:25 > 1:02:29Well, you seem happy. Wait, wait, wait.
1:02:29 > 1:02:32- Don't open that yet. What did he say about the book?- Well,
1:02:32 > 1:02:37they've edited it, er, significantly but it's much better.
1:02:37 > 1:02:41It's intelligent but very contrary, powerful and inflammatory.
1:02:41 > 1:02:43It's...
1:02:43 > 1:02:46Well, how much did they edit it?
1:02:46 > 1:02:51Well, Penguin has, er... they've edited thousands of books
1:02:51 > 1:02:55and there comes a time when you have to let the experts be experts.
1:02:55 > 1:02:59- And are you honestly OK with the changes?- Well, er,
1:02:59 > 1:03:03Bloomberg wants to, er... take us out to dinner.
1:03:03 > 1:03:06But I thought you and I were going out for a quiet dinner tonight.
1:03:06 > 1:03:11They wanna take us out. It's... You know, he's my editor.
1:03:12 > 1:03:14And I'm your, um...
1:03:15 > 1:03:17I don't know. What am I to you?
1:03:19 > 1:03:22Well, for lack of a better term, you're my girlfriend.
1:03:22 > 1:03:26No, what am I to you? Not just a term.
1:03:26 > 1:03:29You're, um... everything
1:03:29 > 1:03:33that a... girlfriend is.
1:03:34 > 1:03:36You can't answer, can you?
1:03:37 > 1:03:41- Hmmm. - Er... SPLUTTERS
1:03:41 > 1:03:44Please, would you just get ready for dinner?
1:03:44 > 1:03:46No, I actually don't feel that well.
1:03:46 > 1:03:51I couldn't go out tonight, anyways. You should go.
1:03:51 > 1:03:53I'm gonna be fine.
1:03:58 > 1:04:01You'd think their parents would control them.
1:04:01 > 1:04:04They've probably been on a plane for hours.
1:04:04 > 1:04:07They should run around. Your book's not published yet,
1:04:07 > 1:04:10you don't have to act like a complete misanthrope.
1:04:13 > 1:04:17What is with you? You're like a different person.
1:04:17 > 1:04:20No, I'm the same person, I've just noticed a few things.
1:04:20 > 1:04:25I can't win. Call me a grouch, I just think that it's wrong
1:04:25 > 1:04:28to let kids run around an airport unsupervised.
1:04:28 > 1:04:31When you have children, you'll understand.
1:04:31 > 1:04:35This isn't about unsupervised kids at an airport and you know it.
1:04:35 > 1:04:37Excuse me. Sorry.
1:04:44 > 1:04:47You don't seem interested in anything other than your book
1:04:47 > 1:04:51or becoming head of the department. Why don't you ask?
1:04:52 > 1:04:54OK.
1:04:54 > 1:04:56What the hell's your problem?
1:04:56 > 1:04:59I don't wanna talk about it right now.
1:05:02 > 1:05:05I have it.
1:05:08 > 1:05:12You don't seem... very happy.
1:05:12 > 1:05:15I'm not happy, not even close.
1:05:16 > 1:05:20# "You Still Need Me" - The Baby Animals
1:05:48 > 1:05:50So, oh, I put some flowers on Mom's grave.
1:05:50 > 1:05:54Like, just a dozen or so pink and white roses.
1:05:55 > 1:05:58You kinda owe me 64.
1:05:58 > 1:06:02SIGHS The 17th. I'm sorry.
1:06:02 > 1:06:07No, it's... You know, it's not like Mom knew you weren't there.
1:06:07 > 1:06:10Besides, I'm a big girl. I can... handle it.
1:06:12 > 1:06:14How are you?
1:06:16 > 1:06:21Maybe this weekend you and I could go ice skating like we used to.
1:06:23 > 1:06:26Dad, you just got a huge book deal
1:06:26 > 1:06:29and the head of the department is yours for the taking
1:06:29 > 1:06:31and everything's kind of perfect for you,
1:06:31 > 1:06:34so don't screw everything up, OK?
1:06:35 > 1:06:39You know, I read in Cosmopolitan that it takes
1:06:39 > 1:06:42about half the time you date someone to get over them.
1:06:42 > 1:06:46And, what, you've dated Janet for just a few months?
1:06:46 > 1:06:50- You read Cosmopolitan? - I glance at it.
1:06:50 > 1:06:54Like, at the supermarket, if the line's particularly long.
1:06:56 > 1:06:58You know that physician?
1:06:59 > 1:07:03She's just a rebound relationship, that's all.
1:07:03 > 1:07:06A rebound from what?
1:07:06 > 1:07:08From Mom.
1:07:25 > 1:07:29Lawrence, congratulations on your book deal.
1:07:29 > 1:07:33- Thank you.- And James' poem being accepted by The New Yorker.
1:07:33 > 1:07:37With his book, it may seem like bringing the other candidates
1:07:37 > 1:07:40to campus is a waste of time but, um, we have to.
1:07:40 > 1:07:44- What about his recommendation letter?- Lawrence,
1:07:44 > 1:07:48- tell us about your book.- It's an examination of critical theory
1:07:48 > 1:07:52from the standpoint that every school of criticism has failed us. I...
1:07:52 > 1:07:53SIGHS
1:07:53 > 1:07:56SIGHS It's...
1:07:57 > 1:08:00Penguin Group seems to like it.
1:08:01 > 1:08:04- MOANS - KNOCK AT DOOR
1:08:04 > 1:08:06Shit!
1:08:13 > 1:08:16Er... I heard about The New Yorker.
1:08:16 > 1:08:21Why didn't you tell me about the poem? I... I need to read it.
1:08:21 > 1:08:24You need to read it? Now that I sold a poem to The New Yorker,
1:08:24 > 1:08:27- I'm suddenly worthy of your attention?- What's wrong with
1:08:27 > 1:08:31a father wanting to hear about his son's success?
1:08:32 > 1:08:35What are those doing here?
1:08:36 > 1:08:39- He left those here last night. - Are you working for him?- No.
1:08:39 > 1:08:43He left it here last night. He left his sweater, too. Hold on.
1:08:45 > 1:08:48I thought that Chuck was staying at his girlfriend's.
1:08:48 > 1:08:51He doesn't have a girlfriend.
1:08:51 > 1:08:54He stays here a few nights every week to get away from you guys.
1:08:58 > 1:09:01You have no idea what's going on, do you?
1:09:07 > 1:09:10How's your head? Douchebag.
1:09:17 > 1:09:21So, dinner will be ready at eight, if you're around.
1:09:22 > 1:09:24Those jeans look really great.
1:09:24 > 1:09:28And... they're really snug in all the right areas.
1:09:29 > 1:09:32Don't say things like that to me.
1:09:32 > 1:09:35- Why? I'm just... - Just don't.
1:09:42 > 1:09:45'So what is the lotus?'
1:09:45 > 1:09:48Homer calls it a "honey-sweet fruit"
1:09:48 > 1:09:51but for Tennyson it's not just a drug, is it?
1:09:51 > 1:09:54It symbolises a desire for rest and death.
1:09:54 > 1:09:58- What does it inspire in them?- They're tired, they can't take it any more.
1:09:58 > 1:10:01The lotus is about the possibility of oblivion.
1:10:01 > 1:10:04What your CliffsNotes may not have mentioned is that
1:10:04 > 1:10:07the eating of the lotus occasions a song.
1:10:07 > 1:10:11- I didn't use CliffsNotes.- You used SparkNotes. I read them, too.
1:10:11 > 1:10:14- Where did their singing lead them? - Singing lets them
1:10:14 > 1:10:17imagine their way out of their misery.
1:10:19 > 1:10:22'Since they can't go home, they sing of home
1:10:22 > 1:10:26as the place where all the suffering is.'
1:10:28 > 1:10:31The song becomes the doleful music of the miserable world
1:10:31 > 1:10:36they no longer occupy, then... they just sit around
1:10:36 > 1:10:40listening to it, drinking nectar and stuff.
1:10:57 > 1:11:01Hey, Lawrence, got a minute? Can I read you something?
1:11:01 > 1:11:05"In all my years of schooling, I've never encountered a professor
1:11:05 > 1:11:08as deeply passionate about his subject as Professor Wetherhold was
1:11:08 > 1:11:11back when I took his Victorian-novel course as a freshman."
1:11:11 > 1:11:15"He helped us become strong, close readers and critical writers,
1:11:15 > 1:11:19skills I've brought to my study of medicine. Janet Hartigan, MD."
1:11:26 > 1:11:31Professor Wetherhold, I have a simple question.
1:11:31 > 1:11:35Why do you wanna be head of the English department?
1:11:36 > 1:11:39I've been thinking about that quite a bit lately.
1:11:39 > 1:11:41How do you plan on rectifying
1:11:41 > 1:11:44the systematic subjugation of women in this institution?
1:11:44 > 1:11:49Oh, Julia, I haven't even vaguely considered that, nor do I plan to.
1:11:49 > 1:11:53SIGHS You know what? None of you like me
1:11:53 > 1:11:56and I don't blame you. I would make a lousy head of the department.
1:11:56 > 1:12:00What this department needs is someone who likes to manage people,
1:12:00 > 1:12:05who can make small talk and that's... I can't do that.
1:12:05 > 1:12:08That's not me. I... I can't do it.
1:12:11 > 1:12:13Sorry I wasted your time.
1:12:17 > 1:12:22I'll just... stick to teaching for now.
1:12:22 > 1:12:25- SHOUTING - SIGHS
1:12:26 > 1:12:29So, where's your girlfriend?
1:12:29 > 1:12:32- Been hiding out here? - Bye!
1:12:32 > 1:12:34- See you, Chelsea. - Can we talk?
1:12:37 > 1:12:41Everyone in my life is going crazy.
1:12:41 > 1:12:45You're the one that's crazy. And socially retarded.
1:12:45 > 1:12:49You're the middle-aged man who was just hosting a college beer bash.
1:12:52 > 1:12:57You know, Vanessa's becoming an android.
1:12:57 > 1:13:01A scary clone, no friends,
1:13:01 > 1:13:04too scared to be anything else. Just like you.
1:13:07 > 1:13:09And you constantly take her for granted.
1:13:09 > 1:13:13I do not take her for granted. I am continually impressed by her.
1:13:13 > 1:13:17Did you know she was going to Stanford?
1:13:17 > 1:13:19Early acceptance, last November.
1:13:20 > 1:13:24- Why didn't she tell me? - Why does she have to?
1:13:25 > 1:13:28Why don't you ask?
1:13:30 > 1:13:35- You drove the hot doctor out of your life.- She left me.
1:13:35 > 1:13:39Er, she can't handle my success. We're just not compatible.
1:13:39 > 1:13:42You have the IQ of a dumb-ass ant.
1:13:45 > 1:13:49- SIGHS - But you know what? Maybe it's not gonna be so bad.
1:13:49 > 1:13:52Vanessa's going away in the fall.
1:13:52 > 1:13:56It'll just be the two of us, the Wetherhold bachelors -
1:13:56 > 1:14:01middle-aged, can't get along with women, should be gay.
1:14:14 > 1:14:16What are you doing here?
1:14:16 > 1:14:19If you've come to tell me I can't go to Stanford, forget it.
1:14:19 > 1:14:21I don't care if it's free,
1:14:21 > 1:14:24I'm not going to the same school as James.
1:14:24 > 1:14:26He sold a poem to The New Yorker.
1:14:26 > 1:14:30- Even cretins win the lottery sometimes. - SIGHS
1:14:35 > 1:14:40I, er... won't be head of the department.
1:14:40 > 1:14:44- I pulled myself out of the search. - Insane!
1:14:44 > 1:14:47- What are you trying to do to me? - Just relax.
1:14:47 > 1:14:51My book, that dumbed-down, gimmicky travesty of scholarship,
1:14:51 > 1:14:54will pay for Stanford.
1:14:55 > 1:14:57Satisfied?
1:15:04 > 1:15:07What's going on between you and Chuck?
1:15:08 > 1:15:10Nothing.
1:15:12 > 1:15:16It's just... miscommunication.
1:15:16 > 1:15:19A simple case of... middle-aged loser
1:15:19 > 1:15:24trying to seduce his MUCH younger, bound-for-success niece.
1:15:26 > 1:15:30I don't think you're very happy, Vanessa.
1:15:30 > 1:15:32Well, you're not happy...
1:15:35 > 1:15:37..and you're my role model.
1:15:48 > 1:15:51KNOCK AT DOOR
1:15:52 > 1:15:55You know what? I've had a monumentally shitty day.
1:15:55 > 1:15:58You hate me. I get it. End of discussion.
1:16:04 > 1:16:06I don't hate you.
1:16:08 > 1:16:12You know what? I don't really get it. I don't get
1:16:12 > 1:16:15that you spend the first few months trying to win me over,
1:16:15 > 1:16:20which you do, and then make up some fake... girlfriend
1:16:20 > 1:16:22and completely ditch me.
1:16:22 > 1:16:26Well, that's not entirely
1:16:26 > 1:16:29the whole story... is it?
1:16:33 > 1:16:36Not really, I guess.
1:16:41 > 1:16:46You know, when I moved in, I thought you were smart and funny.
1:16:46 > 1:16:49I'm sorry that you misunderstood that.
1:16:55 > 1:16:58But I'll... let you get back to that.
1:16:58 > 1:17:00What are you gonna do?
1:17:02 > 1:17:07Hmmm. Go in my room, do 1,000 push-ups.
1:17:07 > 1:17:09Wow.
1:17:09 > 1:17:12What are you gonna do with your life?
1:17:12 > 1:17:16- Just, you know, sell phonecards or...?- Right.
1:17:16 > 1:17:19- Um... it is pretty good money... - Sure.
1:17:19 > 1:17:23..but I know what you mean. CHUCKLES Um...
1:17:24 > 1:17:27You know, I, er, I like my life.
1:17:31 > 1:17:35Yeah... we're, like, friends, I guess, right?
1:17:38 > 1:17:41Yeah... we're friends.
1:17:59 > 1:18:02Can you make me something to eat, friend?
1:18:02 > 1:18:04Order pizza, with the works.
1:18:20 > 1:18:25Wake up! I need to run a few errands before school.
1:18:25 > 1:18:29- GROANS SLEEPILY - Wake up.
1:18:30 > 1:18:33# "If Only" - Nuno Bettencourt
1:18:44 > 1:18:46Hello.
1:18:56 > 1:18:59Hold on, I want... I want that.
1:19:02 > 1:19:06- May I have a tax receipt? - There you go.
1:19:18 > 1:19:22Hah! Thanks, bro. It was starting to get a little cold out here.
1:19:32 > 1:19:37You sat on the right side and you didn't throw up. Good work.
1:19:37 > 1:19:39Pull over, up here.
1:19:39 > 1:19:44Now, remember, four words - I'm sorry. I love you.
1:19:44 > 1:19:48- That's five words.- This is no time to count words, Professor.
1:19:51 > 1:19:53Hey!
1:19:55 > 1:20:00Don't forget, "I'm sorry! I love you!"
1:20:03 > 1:20:07- What'd he say? - I love you, too, man!
1:20:08 > 1:20:10Hey, where you goin'!
1:20:18 > 1:20:21- May I sit down? - Sure.
1:20:21 > 1:20:23- How are you? - I'm good.
1:20:23 > 1:20:26- How are you?- I'm - - How's the book coming?
1:20:26 > 1:20:29Thank you for this.
1:20:33 > 1:20:36I didn't write it. You should check with Vanessa,
1:20:36 > 1:20:40she does good work, though the signature's not even close.
1:20:41 > 1:20:43I...
1:20:46 > 1:20:50- This is humiliating. I'll see you. - No, wait. Wait, wait.
1:20:51 > 1:20:54- Just wait. - SIGHS
1:20:54 > 1:20:57Listen, um...
1:20:58 > 1:21:01..I haven't had any, um, grand epiphany
1:21:01 > 1:21:05or made any sweeping changes in my personality
1:21:05 > 1:21:10over the past... few weeks. I know I'm a miserable asshole
1:21:10 > 1:21:15but, er... I do have some hope for myself.
1:21:18 > 1:21:20Lawrence, I'm pregnant.
1:21:22 > 1:21:25And, according to my calculations,
1:21:25 > 1:21:29this pregnancy is the result of the first time.
1:21:35 > 1:21:40- Well, why didn't you tell me? - Because you were being such an ass.
1:21:41 > 1:21:45You were not exactly a wellspring of emotional information.
1:21:49 > 1:21:52Why would you have a baby with me?
1:21:52 > 1:21:56Because you don't know how to properly use a condom.
1:21:58 > 1:22:01Message received.
1:22:13 > 1:22:16You're intelligent, right?
1:22:16 > 1:22:21And you're not... you're not unattractive.
1:22:24 > 1:22:28I mean, it's not like it's a total genetic crap-shoot.
1:22:29 > 1:22:33SIGHS Though you do have some deficits.
1:22:37 > 1:22:39But you came here today.
1:22:42 > 1:22:45We can figure this out.
1:22:46 > 1:22:48SIGHS We're smart people.
1:22:56 > 1:22:58I'm sorry. I love you.
1:23:05 > 1:23:11- It's not up to you. It's not up to me. - SIGHS
1:23:15 > 1:23:20- Sorry. - Er, Chuck, you stay, please.
1:23:20 > 1:23:22It's just that you have options
1:23:22 > 1:23:26and you should be aware of all of them.
1:23:26 > 1:23:29Well, you have options, too, Vanessa.
1:23:29 > 1:23:33You can either continue to be miserable or you can just stop
1:23:33 > 1:23:37being angry at everyone and accept the way things are.
1:23:37 > 1:23:40Allow yourself to live.
1:23:42 > 1:23:45You sound like a stupid motivational speaker.
1:23:49 > 1:23:54You're not listening to me. You're not.
1:24:04 > 1:24:06I am not cleaning any dirty diapers.
1:24:28 > 1:24:30'Morning.'
1:24:30 > 1:24:34Matthew Arnold, one of the writers we'll be studying this semester,
1:24:34 > 1:24:38wrote that, "Culture is the pursuit of our total perfection,
1:24:38 > 1:24:43the best which has been thought and said in the world."
1:24:44 > 1:24:46Now, my name is Lawrence Wetherhold.
1:24:46 > 1:24:50You may call me Professor Wetherhold or Dr Wetherhold
1:24:50 > 1:24:55but you may not call me, "Hey, you," or, "Yo, Teach," or, "Dude,"
1:24:55 > 1:24:59because none of these terms of address could possibly be the prelude
1:24:59 > 1:25:03to intelligent comment or question. Let's get to know one another.
1:25:03 > 1:25:05Um... Joseph Anderson.
1:25:05 > 1:25:09Joseph, where you from?
1:25:13 > 1:25:17# "Pursuit of Happiness" - Nuno Bettencourt
1:25:27 > 1:25:30# So you got to go but you don't know where
1:25:30 > 1:25:35# All that you know is you can't stay here
1:25:35 > 1:25:39# What's left to do but wish you the best?
1:25:39 > 1:25:41# In your pursuit
1:25:41 > 1:25:43# of happiness
1:25:43 > 1:25:47# You say it's not me, it's just you
1:25:47 > 1:25:50# But I'm the only one
1:25:50 > 1:25:52# In the room
1:25:52 > 1:25:55# Asking myself why you have left
1:25:55 > 1:25:58# In your pursuit
1:25:58 > 1:26:01# of happiness
1:26:01 > 1:26:02# In your pursuit
1:26:02 > 1:26:05# of happiness. #
1:26:13 > 1:26:16# "Stitch" - The Baby Animals
1:26:22 > 1:26:26# Baby, won't you help me
1:26:26 > 1:26:28# be my best?
1:26:32 > 1:26:36# Help me find a way back
1:26:36 > 1:26:39# to our nest
1:26:39 > 1:26:43# And dreams... #
1:26:57 > 1:26:59Subtitles by IMS