Charlie and Boots

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0:00:03 > 0:00:11THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE

0:00:42 > 0:00:44MAN: Sorry, I just, um...

0:00:45 > 0:00:47Um...

0:00:49 > 0:00:53Mum, she had this amazing ability to...

0:00:53 > 0:00:54to make people smile...

0:00:56 > 0:00:58..to forget their worries,

0:00:58 > 0:01:00even if it was just for a few moments.

0:01:04 > 0:01:06And Mum was always willing to...

0:01:06 > 0:01:09to sacrifice her own needs for the needs of others.

0:01:09 > 0:01:14She gave up her job as a teacher to look after us on the farm.

0:01:14 > 0:01:21In fact, everything she did was... was for us, for our family

0:01:21 > 0:01:22and for her boys.

0:01:25 > 0:01:27Sorry. Um...

0:01:29 > 0:01:34Mum taught us many things. She taught us respect, loyalty...

0:01:38 > 0:01:40..and she taught us forgiveness.

0:01:42 > 0:01:44To Dad, she was his Gracie.

0:01:44 > 0:01:47To Boots and I, she was, um...

0:01:49 > 0:01:51..she was...

0:01:52 > 0:01:53..she was Mum.

0:01:53 > 0:01:56GIRL GIGGLES

0:01:56 > 0:01:59MAN: And to my kids, She was their beautiful nanna.

0:02:05 > 0:02:06We love you, Mum.

0:02:06 > 0:02:09TEARFULLY: And we'll really miss you.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42Sympathies, mate. See you back at the house.

0:03:04 > 0:03:06- You finished with this? - Yes, darling.

0:03:09 > 0:03:10I'll take those, love.

0:03:59 > 0:04:00KNOCK AT DOOR

0:04:06 > 0:04:07WOMAN: I thought you could use these.

0:04:07 > 0:04:08Thanks.

0:04:24 > 0:04:26PHONE RINGS

0:04:26 > 0:04:28- 'Hi.' - CHUCKLES

0:04:28 > 0:04:30'You've called Charlie and Gracie.

0:04:30 > 0:04:34'We're not here at the moment. Please leave us a message. Bye.'

0:04:34 > 0:04:35ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS

0:04:35 > 0:04:40'Hey, Dad. It's me. It's Boots.'

0:04:40 > 0:04:44'I guess we're going to have to change that message.

0:04:44 > 0:04:49'Look, um, Dad, I know we haven't been getting along very well,

0:04:49 > 0:04:53'but, I don't know. I think we've got to try.'

0:05:24 > 0:05:26PLAYS NOTES ON PIANO

0:05:59 > 0:06:02- Hey.- Hey.

0:06:02 > 0:06:04You come to do some work, have you?

0:06:05 > 0:06:08- How's Dad getting on? - He's all right.

0:06:10 > 0:06:12Never answers his phone.

0:06:12 > 0:06:14Nah, he's all right.

0:06:15 > 0:06:18- How's the kids?- Yeah, good.

0:06:18 > 0:06:20And Mel?

0:06:20 > 0:06:22She's all right.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Has Dad been getting out at all? - Nah, not really.

0:06:29 > 0:06:30Gotta get him out doing something.

0:06:30 > 0:06:34He can help me milk the cows if he wants to do something.

0:06:34 > 0:06:37OK. Better go see how he is.

0:06:47 > 0:06:48Dad?

0:06:50 > 0:06:52Hey, Dad, it's me.

0:06:54 > 0:06:57So you remembered where we live.

0:06:57 > 0:06:59Dad, what are you doing?

0:07:00 > 0:07:02It's bloody dark in here.

0:07:09 > 0:07:11Should have the telly on. The game's about to start.

0:07:11 > 0:07:14- ON TV:- 'Batted very sensibly today. Used his head.

0:07:14 > 0:07:18'And then the 100 the other day, the first one ever in Australia.

0:07:18 > 0:07:22'I thought he was magnificent. Don't forget...'

0:08:15 > 0:08:18CATTLE LOW, BIRDS CHIRP

0:08:44 > 0:08:47'..not just the one here today. He batted sensibly. Used his head.'

0:08:58 > 0:09:01I don't know. Get Nigel to cover for me. He never does anything.

0:09:02 > 0:09:04I don't know. Uh, a week?

0:09:04 > 0:09:06I don't know. Maybe two.

0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Hey, I was watching that. - Come on, Dad.

0:09:19 > 0:09:20- No, turn it back on. - Nah, we're going out.

0:09:20 > 0:09:23- I'm not going anywhere. - Yeah, you are. We're going fishing.

0:09:23 > 0:09:27Fishing? Since when have you liked fishing?

0:09:29 > 0:09:32I can open me own bloody door.

0:09:32 > 0:09:34Yeah, I know. Watch your fingers.

0:09:42 > 0:09:44Oh, for Christ's sake.

0:09:44 > 0:09:46Dad, are you coming? Just jump in the car.

0:09:46 > 0:09:49- I can bloody walk. - Just get in the car.

0:10:16 > 0:10:18What are we doing now?

0:10:18 > 0:10:20I'm just going to grab a couple of things.

0:10:23 > 0:10:24I thought we were going fishing.

0:10:26 > 0:10:28We are, Dad. I'll be back in a sec, OK?

0:10:40 > 0:10:44Where are you going? Port Fairy's that way.

0:10:44 > 0:10:47Yeah, we're, er...we're not actually going to Port Fairy.

0:10:47 > 0:10:50Why not? It's the only good fishing around here.

0:10:50 > 0:10:53Yeah, we're, er...not actually going fishing around here.

0:10:55 > 0:10:56What?

0:10:58 > 0:11:01Do you remember when I was little, you always promised me that one day

0:11:01 > 0:11:04we'd go and cast a line off the northernmost tip of Australia?

0:11:04 > 0:11:07- No.- Well, we're doing it.

0:11:07 > 0:11:10- What do you mean? - I mean we're doing it.

0:11:10 > 0:11:11We're on our way to Cape York.

0:11:11 > 0:11:14Have you lost your mind?

0:11:14 > 0:11:15Yep.

0:11:15 > 0:11:18TURNS ON RADIO

0:11:18 > 0:11:21Well, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.

0:11:21 > 0:11:23Typical of you and your half-baked ideas.

0:11:23 > 0:11:27You're a dickhead. Cape York's, like, 3,000 miles from here.

0:11:27 > 0:11:31Yep, and it will be even further if you don't start studying that map.

0:11:31 > 0:11:34UPBEAT ROCK SONG PLAYS ON RADIO

0:11:43 > 0:11:46All right, then, where are we?

0:11:46 > 0:11:50Well, Warrnambool's about there.

0:11:50 > 0:11:54I bloody know that. Where are we going?

0:11:54 > 0:12:01- Well, we're about here.- Yeah. - Cape York's all the way up there.

0:12:03 > 0:12:06Well, that's...that's just stupid.

0:12:06 > 0:12:11Yeah. It'll be fun. Don't you reckon?

0:12:11 > 0:12:14UPBEAT SONG CONTINUES PLAYING

0:12:37 > 0:12:40What the hell is that?

0:12:55 > 0:12:57Dad. Dad.

0:12:59 > 0:13:01Have a look at this little ripper.

0:13:10 > 0:13:11It's the Big Koala.

0:13:13 > 0:13:15Better have a look, eh?

0:13:18 > 0:13:20You coming?

0:13:20 > 0:13:23Uh, no, I can see it from here, son.

0:13:23 > 0:13:26All right. I'm going to go inside.

0:13:28 > 0:13:30CHUCKLES

0:13:53 > 0:13:56There was a young fella from Horsham

0:13:56 > 0:13:59Who took out his balls to wash 'em

0:13:59 > 0:14:02His wife said, "Jack, if you don't put them back

0:14:02 > 0:14:05"I'll jump on the buggers and squash 'em."

0:14:06 > 0:14:08Remember telling me that?

0:14:17 > 0:14:21"In the heart of rich farming land and the Victorian goldfields,

0:14:21 > 0:14:23"Maryborough is famous for its railway station

0:14:23 > 0:14:25"and was settled in the 1830s."

0:14:25 > 0:14:28You going to be like this all the way?

0:14:28 > 0:14:29- What do you mean?- Annoying.

0:14:29 > 0:14:31I just thought you might like me to, I don't know,

0:14:31 > 0:14:35- read you some local colour. - Really? Why?

0:14:35 > 0:14:36Just because...

0:14:36 > 0:14:39- Oh, well, don't worry about it, then.- OK.

0:14:46 > 0:14:48They're on their way to Warrnambool.

0:14:48 > 0:14:51Just telling them all the stuff they should see when they get there.

0:14:51 > 0:14:54Pity we won't be home. Could have shown them around.

0:14:54 > 0:14:56Well, maybe we should head back.

0:14:56 > 0:14:57CHUCKLES

0:14:57 > 0:14:59No, I'm serious.

0:14:59 > 0:15:01I'm worried about the farm.

0:15:01 > 0:15:04Don't be. I spoke to Graeme. He said everything's fine.

0:15:04 > 0:15:05He said to have a good time.

0:15:07 > 0:15:10Yeah, well, at least your brother's responsible.

0:15:13 > 0:15:16Jeez, Dad, you got enough salt on those?

0:15:16 > 0:15:18I don't want me veins getting all floppy.

0:15:18 > 0:15:21I'm serious, Dad. You've got to start looking after yourself.

0:15:30 > 0:15:32Echuca's probably the go tonight, don't you reckon?

0:15:35 > 0:15:38You can have a look in the brochures up here if you want.

0:15:39 > 0:15:42Hey, fresh strawberries.

0:15:43 > 0:15:47Small punnets 3, large, 6, family size, ten bucks.

0:15:47 > 0:15:49Family size?

0:15:49 > 0:15:53I think we might need one of them. Don't you think so, Dad?

0:15:53 > 0:15:55Huh?

0:15:55 > 0:15:59- Actually, I think we'll get a couple of those.- No worries.

0:16:01 > 0:16:02So which way are you headed?

0:16:02 > 0:16:06Uh, headed up north to Cape York, but we'll probably get to Echuca tonight.

0:16:06 > 0:16:08- Do you want anything else, Dad?- Nah.

0:16:08 > 0:16:12Well, enjoy.

0:16:12 > 0:16:13Yeah, will do. Thank you very much.

0:16:14 > 0:16:16Don't eat them all at once.

0:16:16 > 0:16:18We'll try not to!

0:16:20 > 0:16:21Eh? This is the life.

0:16:21 > 0:16:25The open road with my dad, fresh fruit.

0:16:25 > 0:16:27Does it get any better than this?

0:16:29 > 0:16:31What was that?

0:16:31 > 0:16:33That looks interesting.

0:16:47 > 0:16:51Must be glad you bought the family-sized punnet, eh?

0:16:52 > 0:16:55- You could help.- Nah, never fancied strawberries much.

0:16:55 > 0:16:58And she asked! She knew which way we were headed.

0:16:58 > 0:17:02And she said, "Don't eat them all at once."

0:17:07 > 0:17:09Paddle Wheel. That looks all right.

0:17:09 > 0:17:11Sing out, Dad, if you see one you like.

0:17:11 > 0:17:14The Georgian Motor Lodge.

0:17:14 > 0:17:16This looks like us.

0:17:32 > 0:17:34This is all right, isn't it?

0:17:34 > 0:17:38Here, pick a bed, Dad. I'm just going to go in the big action room.

0:17:42 > 0:17:45Bloody hell, Dad. There's a lot of mirrors in here.

0:17:45 > 0:17:49Look at that! There's even one on the back of the door.

0:17:49 > 0:17:52Gee whiz! I could do with losing a few kilos, just quietly.

0:17:53 > 0:17:56TOILET FLUSHES

0:17:56 > 0:17:57Dad?

0:18:00 > 0:18:01Dad?

0:18:02 > 0:18:05Dad... Oh, shit.

0:18:05 > 0:18:06Oi!

0:18:06 > 0:18:08Where you off to?

0:18:15 > 0:18:17You know, I honestly thought you'd left.

0:18:17 > 0:18:19On that bus.

0:18:19 > 0:18:23Yeah, well, I thought about it,

0:18:23 > 0:18:28but it was only the courtesy bus for the country club.

0:18:28 > 0:18:31And of course, you never packed me clubs.

0:18:31 > 0:18:34Oh, did something die in here?

0:18:34 > 0:18:37Shouldn't have eaten all them strawberries.

0:18:37 > 0:18:39Eugh.

0:18:43 > 0:18:46BOOTS SNORES

0:18:55 > 0:18:58BOOTS SNUFFLES

0:19:03 > 0:19:05BOOTS RESUMES SNORING

0:19:20 > 0:19:23Good morning. Breakfast.

0:19:25 > 0:19:28"Sun, stars, steam and Murray River magic."

0:19:28 > 0:19:32- What's your problem? - PS Emmylou. Paddle steamer.

0:19:32 > 0:19:35Ah. Yeah, well, Let me know how it goes.

0:19:35 > 0:19:37Come on, Dad. I thought we could go on it.

0:19:37 > 0:19:39Paddle steamer - you get on it, it goes up the river,

0:19:39 > 0:19:42it turns around, comes back down again. What's the point?

0:19:42 > 0:19:44Why are you being so difficult?

0:19:44 > 0:19:45I'm not being difficult.

0:19:45 > 0:19:48I'm saying that if you want to go on it, go on it.

0:19:48 > 0:19:51I just don't go in for that touristy stuff.

0:19:51 > 0:19:52- Oi! - TYRES SCREECH

0:19:52 > 0:19:54Hang on! It's a Holden museum!

0:19:57 > 0:19:59Who can tell me the first Holden model

0:19:59 > 0:20:01made with a left-hand drive?

0:20:02 > 0:20:04The FB.

0:20:04 > 0:20:07Thank you, sir, but I was asking the kids.

0:20:17 > 0:20:21- Ah! Paddle steamer. - STEAM WHISTLE HOOTS

0:20:21 > 0:20:23Looks like fun.

0:20:29 > 0:20:31Ah! New South Wales.

0:20:31 > 0:20:34Across the border.

0:20:34 > 0:20:37- Can you drive for a bit?- No.

0:20:37 > 0:20:39Why do I have to do all the driving?

0:20:39 > 0:20:40You don't have to.

0:20:40 > 0:20:43All right, if I drive for the next two hours,

0:20:43 > 0:20:45then will you drive?

0:20:45 > 0:20:47- No.- I'm still hungry.

0:21:03 > 0:21:05SHEEP BLEAT

0:21:11 > 0:21:13I don't mind sheep.

0:21:13 > 0:21:16Really? I didn't know that.

0:21:16 > 0:21:20Oh, yeah. Came up here once when I was a young'un.

0:21:20 > 0:21:24Worked for a month or two on a place called Frome Downs.

0:21:24 > 0:21:27They had cattle and sheep. Would've stayed longer if I could've.

0:21:27 > 0:21:29Why didn't you?

0:21:29 > 0:21:32Oh, well, we had the family farm

0:21:32 > 0:21:35and, you know, I couldn't turn my back on that, you know?

0:21:35 > 0:21:39And I didn't want to let my father down.

0:21:39 > 0:21:43And of course, I met your mum.

0:22:06 > 0:22:10"Hay. Population 2,932.

0:22:11 > 0:22:14"Hay's in the Southern Riverina of New South Wales

0:22:14 > 0:22:18"in a semi-arid grazing area known as the Hay Plains."

0:22:18 > 0:22:19You're not going to stop this, are you?

0:22:19 > 0:22:22It's Australia, Dad. It's fascinating.

0:22:22 > 0:22:24I can shut up if you want me to.

0:22:24 > 0:22:26Hey, look at this.

0:22:26 > 0:22:27It was also home to 3,000 POWs

0:22:27 > 0:22:30- during the Second World War... - Oh, shit! Look out!

0:22:30 > 0:22:32HORN BEEPS

0:22:32 > 0:22:36What, is she a stunt driver? God! Bloody clown!

0:22:36 > 0:22:38CHARLIE BEEPS HORN REPEATEDLY

0:22:38 > 0:22:41- Hey, Dad, Dad... - Learn to drive, you dickhead!

0:22:41 > 0:22:42Dad, just relax. We're OK.

0:22:42 > 0:22:45- Could've been killed.- Killed!

0:22:45 > 0:22:49- Truck full of white leghorns. - Yep, we're OK, Dad.

0:22:49 > 0:22:52- Tell her to get some driving lessons.- Yeah, I will.

0:22:52 > 0:22:57Sorry. It's OK. You just kinda cut us off a little bit over there.

0:22:57 > 0:22:59Did I?

0:23:00 > 0:23:01Really?

0:23:01 > 0:23:04Tell her...tell her to get some glasses!

0:23:04 > 0:23:06You need glasses to see where you're going!

0:23:06 > 0:23:08Sorry. My dad, he's not himself at the moment.

0:23:08 > 0:23:12He's...a little bit... kinda hung up, that's all.

0:23:12 > 0:23:15Yeah, it's the shock from the accident.

0:23:15 > 0:23:16Dad, just shut up.

0:23:16 > 0:23:18Whole life rushed before me eyes.

0:23:19 > 0:23:21It was pretty boring.

0:23:21 > 0:23:23What is it with you Victorians?

0:23:23 > 0:23:25Everything all right, Edna?

0:23:25 > 0:23:29Yeah. I can handle this.

0:23:29 > 0:23:30TRUCK DRIVER TOOTS HORN

0:23:30 > 0:23:33You're lucky you're not a bloke. He'd have knocked your block off.

0:23:33 > 0:23:37For fuck's sake Dad, just shut up!

0:23:37 > 0:23:41We should... We should keep moving, so, um...

0:23:41 > 0:23:43Yeah. I think perhaps you should keep moving.

0:23:43 > 0:23:44You should take that old man with you.

0:23:44 > 0:23:47Get some driving lessons off the nuns.

0:23:47 > 0:23:48Clown.

0:23:50 > 0:23:52STARTS ENGINE

0:23:52 > 0:23:54- Man, you're something else.- What?

0:23:55 > 0:23:58You should get some L-plates. Hang 'em round your neck.

0:24:03 > 0:24:06- What is wrong with you?- What?

0:24:07 > 0:24:09SIGHS

0:24:22 > 0:24:24KOOKABURRA CACKLES

0:24:31 > 0:24:35- Hello.- Hi.

0:24:55 > 0:24:58'You're with Ryan Miles on ABC local radio.

0:24:58 > 0:25:00'After Prince Charles's embarrassing gaffe on the weekend.

0:25:00 > 0:25:03'we're discussing your most embarrassing moments.

0:25:03 > 0:25:07'Deirdre, you had a confession over wetting the...'

0:25:07 > 0:25:08TURNS OFF ENGINE

0:25:10 > 0:25:11Just filling up, Dad.

0:25:13 > 0:25:16- Get me a sarsaparilla, will you, Boots?- Yeah.

0:25:20 > 0:25:22'Oh, Deirdre, that's terrible.

0:25:22 > 0:25:25'But I must say you were brilliant blaming it on the cat.

0:25:25 > 0:25:27'I know. The poor thing.

0:25:27 > 0:25:29'Well, next we have a Charlie on the line.

0:25:29 > 0:25:31'Yeah. G'day.

0:25:31 > 0:25:36'Yeah. This one's about my son. Let's call him... Slippers. Yep.

0:25:36 > 0:25:40'One day when he was about 14, I come in early from the milkin'.

0:25:40 > 0:25:43'I opened the door and there he was.

0:25:43 > 0:25:46- 'Yeah. Buffin' the bazooka. - I'm sorry?

0:25:46 > 0:25:50- 'Chokin' the goose. - Oh, well, thanks for that, Charlie.

0:25:50 > 0:25:52'Hammering the hamster, some might say.

0:25:52 > 0:25:55'Yes, thanks, Charlie. I think we've got it.

0:25:55 > 0:25:59'Oh, you couldn't miss it. The kid's hung like a draught horse.

0:25:59 > 0:26:00'Thank you!'

0:26:00 > 0:26:02Well, this is interesting.

0:26:02 > 0:26:04I'm not talking to you.

0:26:04 > 0:26:09"The yellow-rumped pardalote, a rare bird indeed,

0:26:09 > 0:26:12"can occasionally be spotted foraging in this area."

0:26:12 > 0:26:13Pig!

0:26:13 > 0:26:16What?

0:26:16 > 0:26:18- That was a bit rough. - I was just... Pig!

0:26:42 > 0:26:45Thanks for stopping. I've been out here for ages.

0:26:45 > 0:26:47Thought I was going to be out there all night.

0:26:48 > 0:26:49No worries.

0:26:49 > 0:26:52Where are you headed?

0:26:52 > 0:26:56- To, er, Cape York. To go fishing. - Is that anywhere near Tamworth?

0:26:56 > 0:26:59Well, Tamworth's on the way.

0:27:00 > 0:27:03Cape York's on the very northern tip of Australia.

0:27:03 > 0:27:04Oh, cool.

0:27:07 > 0:27:09STARTS ENGINE

0:27:15 > 0:27:17So, how did you end up out here?

0:27:17 > 0:27:20My boyfriend was taking me to Tamworth. I'm a singer.

0:27:20 > 0:27:24And he cracked it and kicked me out. He's a real arsehole.

0:27:24 > 0:27:26Why did he do that?

0:27:26 > 0:27:30Um, he wanted me to do things to him I didn't want to. And I told him so.

0:27:30 > 0:27:32And he begged, and I said no, and he begged some more

0:27:32 > 0:27:34and then he kicked me out.

0:27:34 > 0:27:38Yep, sounds like an arsehole to me.

0:27:40 > 0:27:41So, how far's this Cape York?

0:27:41 > 0:27:43It's about 2,500km.

0:27:43 > 0:27:46When I was young, Dad promised we'd do it one day

0:27:46 > 0:27:48so we're doing it now.

0:27:48 > 0:27:50That's so great. I'm Jess.

0:27:50 > 0:27:54- I'm Charlie. And this is Boots. - How you goin'?

0:27:57 > 0:27:58Charlie and Boots.

0:27:58 > 0:28:00Pretty cool, eh?

0:28:12 > 0:28:13Oh, well, he's out.

0:28:13 > 0:28:15He's so cute.

0:28:15 > 0:28:17I suppose.

0:28:19 > 0:28:20Do you love him?

0:28:20 > 0:28:22Well, yeah, he's my dad.

0:28:26 > 0:28:28I mean, we've had our ups and downs but, er...

0:28:28 > 0:28:31I don't know, he's kind of all I've got now.

0:28:34 > 0:28:35Well, there's my brother, but...

0:28:37 > 0:28:38Your mum?

0:28:38 > 0:28:42No, she...she died last month.

0:28:42 > 0:28:43That must be awful.

0:28:43 > 0:28:46I don't know what I'd do if my mum died.

0:28:46 > 0:28:48I never got to meet my dad.

0:28:50 > 0:28:53You're not married?

0:28:53 > 0:28:54Oh, I was.

0:28:56 > 0:28:59Mum and Dad were married for 45 years.

0:28:59 > 0:29:00He must miss her.

0:29:00 > 0:29:02Yeah.

0:29:02 > 0:29:05Here I am, I couldn't even manage to stay married for three years.

0:29:05 > 0:29:07What happened?

0:29:08 > 0:29:11Uh... Therese, my wife...

0:29:12 > 0:29:15I don't know, I guess I was just never really what she needed.

0:29:15 > 0:29:18She was a city girl.

0:29:18 > 0:29:20Mum and Dad tried to get her involved in the farm,

0:29:20 > 0:29:25but I told them to pull their head in and...

0:29:25 > 0:29:27and...with what happened...

0:29:27 > 0:29:29..er...

0:29:30 > 0:29:33Did you have any kids?

0:29:33 > 0:29:35Yeah, a little boy. Ben.

0:29:39 > 0:29:41You know, I reckon you'll find someone else.

0:29:44 > 0:29:46Yeah, I'm not really...

0:29:49 > 0:29:53So you live on the farm with your dad?

0:29:53 > 0:29:55No, my little brother runs it now.

0:29:55 > 0:29:58Me and my wife moved away, so...

0:29:58 > 0:30:00Can you not go back?

0:30:01 > 0:30:03No.

0:30:03 > 0:30:05I mean, I love the farm, don't get me wrong.

0:30:05 > 0:30:08But I don't know, things just didn't work out that way, I guess.

0:30:08 > 0:30:12Plus, it wouldn't really be fair, I suppose, on my brother.

0:30:14 > 0:30:16Which I know disappoints my dad.

0:30:21 > 0:30:23Why are you called Boots?

0:30:23 > 0:30:26My mum was a real character.

0:30:26 > 0:30:29I mean, what you might call a free spirit.

0:30:29 > 0:30:32You know, she was into the arts and music,

0:30:32 > 0:30:35and one day in a moment of inspiration

0:30:35 > 0:30:37she decided to name me after her favourite singer.

0:30:37 > 0:30:40Dad never really was crazy about the name

0:30:40 > 0:30:43- so he's always called me Boots. - Who was the singer?

0:30:43 > 0:30:45BOOTS CHUCKLES

0:30:45 > 0:30:48- Dean Martin?- I wish.

0:30:48 > 0:30:50SHE CHUCKLES Frank Sinatra?

0:30:50 > 0:30:52BOOTS LAUGHS

0:30:52 > 0:30:55Fred Astaire?

0:30:55 > 0:30:58No, he was a dancer. Oh, um...

0:31:03 > 0:31:04I'm not going to tell you.

0:31:04 > 0:31:06Sorry about that one, son.

0:31:06 > 0:31:08Another argument I lost with your mother.

0:31:08 > 0:31:09BOOTS LAUGHS

0:31:10 > 0:31:12He's awake.

0:31:12 > 0:31:14- Morning, Charlie.- Morning.

0:31:16 > 0:31:18It's starting to get a little bit late.

0:31:18 > 0:31:20Maybe we should stop over in Gilgandra.

0:31:20 > 0:31:23OK, well, maybe you can drop me at a service station, then?

0:31:23 > 0:31:25We can take you the rest of the way in the morning.

0:31:25 > 0:31:27- I really can't afford to pay... - No, don't worry about that.

0:31:27 > 0:31:30Me and Dad can get you a room, can't we, Dad?

0:31:30 > 0:31:34Oh, sure. Not going to just drop you alongside the roadway.

0:31:34 > 0:31:36Thank you.

0:31:36 > 0:31:40COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS

0:31:46 > 0:31:47# Giddy-up!

0:31:58 > 0:32:00# She's a wild horse and I wanna ride

0:32:02 > 0:32:05# She's a full moon on a restless night... #

0:32:07 > 0:32:09Wow.

0:32:11 > 0:32:13You should not be eating that.

0:32:13 > 0:32:15What?

0:32:15 > 0:32:18Chips, potato cakes and dim sims.

0:32:18 > 0:32:21Chips - made from potatoes.

0:32:21 > 0:32:22Good for you.

0:32:22 > 0:32:26Potato cakes - name says it all.

0:32:26 > 0:32:27And dim sims -

0:32:27 > 0:32:30finely minced stuff

0:32:30 > 0:32:32wrapped in whatever it is the Chinese wrap it in.

0:32:32 > 0:32:35You know it's no good for you.

0:32:35 > 0:32:38She's eating it. Looks pretty healthy to me.

0:32:38 > 0:32:41- Yeah, she's not nearly 70. - CHARLIE MUTTERS

0:32:41 > 0:32:44Mmm. Clever buggers, them Chinese.

0:32:45 > 0:32:47Enjoy.

0:32:47 > 0:32:49# She's got me So damn hot for rodeo

0:32:52 > 0:32:55# Open up the gate, baby I'll be hanging on

0:32:56 > 0:33:00# You can buck and twist but I won't be thrown

0:33:00 > 0:33:02# Giddy-up, giddy-up... #

0:33:02 > 0:33:04He worries about you.

0:33:04 > 0:33:08Yeah. I know.

0:33:10 > 0:33:12I'm sorry to hear about Grace.

0:33:14 > 0:33:15Right.

0:33:15 > 0:33:18She sounds awesome.

0:33:18 > 0:33:20Awesome.

0:33:20 > 0:33:22Yeah, Gracie...

0:33:22 > 0:33:24Yeah, she was something else.

0:33:26 > 0:33:28Are you OK?

0:33:28 > 0:33:29Oh, yeah.

0:33:31 > 0:33:33I think it's great what you and Boots are doing.

0:33:33 > 0:33:36I would have loved to have gone fishing with my dad,

0:33:36 > 0:33:37not that I'd have any idea how to fish.

0:33:37 > 0:33:39Nah.

0:33:39 > 0:33:41I think he'd have loved it too.

0:33:41 > 0:33:44Yeah, I reckon he would.

0:33:54 > 0:33:56Well, that's me done.

0:33:56 > 0:33:58You reckon they'd have sticky date pudding?

0:33:58 > 0:34:00Oh, yeah, I'll have some of that.

0:34:00 > 0:34:03- Excuse me. Dance! Come on.- Oh, OK.

0:34:03 > 0:34:05Come on. You can come too.

0:34:05 > 0:34:08# Unbridled love A little one-on-one

0:34:11 > 0:34:14# We're just tossing around having too much fun

0:34:14 > 0:34:17# Giddy-up, giddy-up

0:34:17 > 0:34:19# Cowgirl, let's raise some hell

0:34:19 > 0:34:22# Saddle up, bring it on

0:34:22 > 0:34:24# Honey, let's take it to the bell

0:34:24 > 0:34:27# Giddy-up, giddy-up

0:34:27 > 0:34:29- # Cowgirl, let's raise some hell... - No.

0:34:29 > 0:34:31# Saddle up, saddle up

0:34:31 > 0:34:33# Buckle up, buckle up

0:34:33 > 0:34:35# Honey, let's take it to the bell

0:34:35 > 0:34:38# I'm man enough to take on what you got

0:34:38 > 0:34:41# Ohh, so giddy-up

0:34:45 > 0:34:47# Giddy-up... #

0:34:49 > 0:34:51SNORING

0:34:59 > 0:35:01SNORING CONTINUES

0:35:03 > 0:35:05BIRDS CHIRP

0:35:22 > 0:35:24- Come on. - I really wanted to say goodbye.

0:35:24 > 0:35:26- Come on, they'll survive!- One sec.

0:35:27 > 0:35:29HORN BEEPS

0:35:29 > 0:35:31ENGINE REVS

0:35:31 > 0:35:33JESS GIGGLES

0:35:40 > 0:35:42What's that?

0:35:44 > 0:35:47- Oh, it's from Jess! - I hope she knows what she's doing. - Ah, she'll be right.

0:35:47 > 0:35:50She's pretty switched on for a 16-year-old kid.

0:35:50 > 0:35:52- What are you doing?- What?

0:35:52 > 0:35:55I mean, to what do I owe the pleasure?

0:35:55 > 0:35:57I'm always happy to drive.

0:35:57 > 0:35:58Really?

0:35:58 > 0:36:00All you had to do was ask.

0:36:01 > 0:36:02Uh-huh.

0:36:04 > 0:36:07BIG-BAND SWING MUSIC PLAYS

0:36:18 > 0:36:20Smile.

0:36:21 > 0:36:24Whoops!

0:36:24 > 0:36:25Bloody hell, Dad.

0:36:27 > 0:36:30Sorry, Boots. Corner just sneaked up on me.

0:36:33 > 0:36:34What are we doing?

0:36:50 > 0:36:52Charlie!

0:36:52 > 0:36:54And Julio!

0:36:54 > 0:36:57I haven't seen you since you were this big!

0:37:01 > 0:37:04Hey, Mac, your cousin Charlie and young Julio are here.

0:37:04 > 0:37:07- Oh, it's so good to see you! - You too.

0:37:07 > 0:37:09How long's it been? I wouldn't even know.

0:37:09 > 0:37:13Oh, I don't know. About three decades, I suppose, would it be?

0:37:13 > 0:37:15Well, I'm 176 now.

0:37:17 > 0:37:19And how's your dad been since Gracie went?

0:37:19 > 0:37:21Well, we're gettin' there.

0:37:21 > 0:37:24Oh, it was just shocking, darl. I couldn't believe it. I still can't.

0:37:24 > 0:37:25No, it was just awful.

0:37:30 > 0:37:32Might get a drop of rain.

0:37:35 > 0:37:37Yeah.

0:37:38 > 0:37:40It'd be good.

0:37:41 > 0:37:43Good.

0:37:45 > 0:37:48And how's the gorgeous Theresa?

0:37:48 > 0:37:51Therese - yeah, we're actually no longer together.

0:37:51 > 0:37:52Oh, no, love. That's no good.

0:37:52 > 0:37:55Oh, wait a sec. I think your mum told me that.

0:37:55 > 0:37:58- Did your mum tell me that? - I'm not sure.- Oh, I am sorry.

0:37:58 > 0:38:02- Theresa was beautiful, wasn't she? - Yeah.

0:38:02 > 0:38:04I mean, like, really beautiful, from the photos.

0:38:04 > 0:38:07Must've been tough, though, when...

0:38:07 > 0:38:10Oh, you've certainly been in the wars, love.

0:38:10 > 0:38:13- Oh, well, onwards and upwards. - Yeah.

0:38:13 > 0:38:16It all gets easier with time.

0:38:16 > 0:38:18And I'm sure you'll find someone else.

0:38:18 > 0:38:20Looks aren't everything.

0:38:22 > 0:38:25Hey, you boys! Lunch!

0:38:29 > 0:38:31- They're nice.- Yeah.

0:38:33 > 0:38:35She hates a chat.

0:38:35 > 0:38:39Dad, I'm not saying that Mike Tyson wasn't a good fighter,

0:38:39 > 0:38:41I'm just saying Muhammad Ali, I mean, he's called The Greatest.

0:38:41 > 0:38:44Oh, yeah, He was pretty to watch,

0:38:44 > 0:38:46but nobody ever hit harder than Tyson.

0:38:46 > 0:38:49- Oh, look. Fresh strawberries. - Shut up, Dad.

0:38:49 > 0:38:51Are you saying Pamela Anderson's ugly?

0:38:51 > 0:38:54She runs up and down the beach...

0:38:54 > 0:38:55And you don't like the look of that?

0:38:55 > 0:38:59- ..with that David Hopalong, Jason or...- Hasselhoff.

0:39:00 > 0:39:02No.

0:39:02 > 0:39:03I don't believe it.

0:39:07 > 0:39:10Hello!

0:39:10 > 0:39:12JESS SIGHS

0:39:12 > 0:39:15Well, it's official - he really is an arsehole.

0:39:15 > 0:39:17What did he do this time?

0:39:17 > 0:39:18More of the same. What is it with boys?

0:39:20 > 0:39:23- Where's your guitar?- Still in the back. I wasn't quick enough.

0:39:23 > 0:39:26- There's Tristan! Again!- Really?

0:39:26 > 0:39:28- Yeah.- Your guitar!

0:39:44 > 0:39:46I can't believe I fell for that jerk.

0:39:46 > 0:39:49Oh, don't worry about it. We all make mistakes.

0:39:49 > 0:39:52His bumper sticker should've been enough to scare me off.

0:39:56 > 0:39:58Can you see him?

0:39:58 > 0:40:01Ah, could be anywhere by now.

0:40:03 > 0:40:04There he is!

0:40:06 > 0:40:07What are you doing?

0:40:07 > 0:40:09There we go.

0:40:09 > 0:40:12Don't worry, you'll get used to his driving.

0:40:17 > 0:40:19Jess, grab your guitar.

0:40:25 > 0:40:27Oh, shit. It's not there.

0:40:30 > 0:40:32Hey, it's here in the front seat.

0:40:33 > 0:40:35Bugger.

0:40:35 > 0:40:37Boots, keep an eye on him.

0:40:37 > 0:40:39You got a wire coat hanger?

0:40:42 > 0:40:45Give me some ginger beer, a pie and some hot chips.

0:40:45 > 0:40:48How about this?

0:40:53 > 0:40:54Wait, wait, wait.

0:40:54 > 0:40:56Too soft.

0:40:57 > 0:40:59G'day.

0:41:11 > 0:41:13(Oh, shit.)

0:41:18 > 0:41:20- Have you done that before?- Oh, sure.

0:41:20 > 0:41:22Really?

0:41:22 > 0:41:23Yeah.

0:41:31 > 0:41:33Are you sure you've done this?

0:41:33 > 0:41:35Yeah. Yeah.

0:41:35 > 0:41:36- Really?- Yeah.

0:41:37 > 0:41:39You'd better be quick. I think he's coming!

0:41:42 > 0:41:44Hi.

0:41:47 > 0:41:51- We need something else. - How about this?- Oi!

0:41:51 > 0:41:53ALARM BLARES

0:41:56 > 0:41:58Quick! Get in the car!

0:42:01 > 0:42:04Hey! Hey! Hey!

0:42:07 > 0:42:09THE OTHERS LAUGH

0:42:22 > 0:42:23COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS

0:42:32 > 0:42:36Tamworth - the country music capital of Australia.

0:42:36 > 0:42:38I can't believe it. I'm finally here.

0:42:39 > 0:42:42Jess, you do know that Tamworth's not like Nashville -

0:42:42 > 0:42:44I mean, other than the music festival,

0:42:44 > 0:42:46the rest of the year it's just a nice little town, yeah?

0:42:46 > 0:42:47It's a city, actually.

0:42:47 > 0:42:50But yeah, I know. I'm not stupid.

0:42:51 > 0:42:52Oh, wow!

0:42:52 > 0:42:53There it is.

0:43:03 > 0:43:04Thank you.

0:43:04 > 0:43:05Our pleasure.

0:43:05 > 0:43:07- You going to be OK?- Of course!

0:43:07 > 0:43:11Who knows? The next time you see me, I might be performing in there.

0:43:11 > 0:43:14We're counting on it.

0:43:14 > 0:43:16- What's wrong with today?- What?!

0:43:18 > 0:43:19Come with me.

0:43:28 > 0:43:31Ooh! What are you doing?

0:43:31 > 0:43:33It's not what I'M doing, it's what you're doing.

0:43:33 > 0:43:36- I can't do that.- Of course you can. You'll be fine. Come on.

0:43:37 > 0:43:39- There might be people in there. - Let's find out.

0:43:40 > 0:43:42- G'day.- G'day.

0:43:42 > 0:43:44Just here to see... Trevor.

0:43:46 > 0:43:49Yeah, I've got the tools.

0:43:51 > 0:43:52We're all good.

0:43:56 > 0:43:57Whoa.

0:44:00 > 0:44:02Go on.

0:44:04 > 0:44:05(Sit over here.)

0:44:15 > 0:44:19I might be a bit rusty. I haven't played in a few days.

0:44:24 > 0:44:25PLAYS GENTLE INTRO

0:44:41 > 0:44:44# Well, only as old as you feel

0:44:44 > 0:44:48# And I bet you're feeling old by now

0:44:49 > 0:44:51# The sun has gone out

0:44:51 > 0:44:57# And you must find a way to cope somehow

0:45:00 > 0:45:07# And I will be here until our dying days

0:45:07 > 0:45:11# Nothing will get in the way

0:45:11 > 0:45:15# Cos I would drop everything like an air balloon

0:45:15 > 0:45:19# Just to see you Just to see you

0:45:19 > 0:45:24# I would jump in the sea for a plastic bag

0:45:24 > 0:45:28# If you told me If you told me to

0:45:28 > 0:45:33# I would follow you round till my feet fell off

0:45:33 > 0:45:39# That's what it takes to win your love

0:45:39 > 0:45:43# Cos I would drop everything like an air balloon

0:45:43 > 0:45:45# Just to see you. #

0:45:52 > 0:45:54Yeah! Jess!

0:45:54 > 0:45:57- CHARLIE WHISTLES - Whoo!- Yeah!

0:45:57 > 0:45:59- THEY APPLAUD - Whoo! Whoo!

0:46:04 > 0:46:07She'll go a long way, that kid.

0:46:07 > 0:46:10Yeah. Yeah, there's no worries about that.

0:46:21 > 0:46:22Ah, Tenterfield -

0:46:22 > 0:46:27situated in the gently rolling hills of northern New South Wales.

0:46:27 > 0:46:31Of course, no reference to Tenterfield would be complete

0:46:31 > 0:46:34without a mention of its most famous citizen -

0:46:34 > 0:46:40world-renowned philatelist Gordon "Stumpy" Adams,

0:46:40 > 0:46:43who for many years worked as the assistant manager

0:46:43 > 0:46:46- of the historic Tenterfield Post Office. - BOOTS CHUCKLES

0:46:46 > 0:46:48And, of course, it's here we find

0:46:48 > 0:46:53the legendary world's thickest thickshakes.

0:46:54 > 0:46:56CHARLIE SLURPS

0:47:00 > 0:47:01They're good.

0:47:03 > 0:47:05- Good. - MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:47:05 > 0:47:09- That's you.- Hmm? Oh.

0:47:09 > 0:47:10BOOTS SIGHS

0:47:13 > 0:47:14Oh, it's work.

0:47:14 > 0:47:16Hang on a tick.

0:47:17 > 0:47:18Hello.

0:47:18 > 0:47:22Yeah, g'day, mate. How are you going?

0:47:22 > 0:47:23Yeah, good.

0:47:23 > 0:47:26What, now? Er, Tenterfield.

0:47:27 > 0:47:28Nah. Still on our way up.

0:47:28 > 0:47:31Yeah, sort of northern New South Wales.

0:47:35 > 0:47:37Yeah, I understand that but, er...

0:47:37 > 0:47:38What?

0:47:40 > 0:47:42Well, it's just something I've gotta do, mate.

0:47:44 > 0:47:48Well, I'll pick me stuff up in a couple of weeks. All right.

0:47:50 > 0:47:51Yeah, all right. Bye.

0:48:13 > 0:48:15TRAIN HORN BLARES IN THE DISTANCE

0:48:24 > 0:48:26Everything OK?

0:48:26 > 0:48:27Yeah. Yeah, of course.

0:48:27 > 0:48:30- No worries. - TRAIN HORN BLARES

0:48:33 > 0:48:35Have you heard from Therese lately?

0:48:37 > 0:48:40Yeah, every now and then.

0:48:41 > 0:48:44What did she want?

0:48:44 > 0:48:45I don't know. Nothing, really.

0:48:48 > 0:48:50- What was her problem?- Dad!

0:48:50 > 0:48:54Well, you did everything you could do and...

0:48:54 > 0:48:58Yeah, well, when something happens like...

0:49:00 > 0:49:02..you know, what did happen,

0:49:02 > 0:49:05I don't know, people just react differently, I guess.

0:49:05 > 0:49:08Yeah, well, it's for better or for worse, you know.

0:49:08 > 0:49:11You can't just then go off running around with...

0:49:11 > 0:49:13Dad, that's not fair. You weren't there.

0:49:13 > 0:49:15You wouldn't let us be.

0:49:19 > 0:49:21- She wants to get back together. - What?

0:49:22 > 0:49:23Do you want to?

0:49:23 > 0:49:25Nah. How do you go back?

0:49:28 > 0:49:30Would you like to?

0:49:32 > 0:49:34Nah, I can't.

0:49:37 > 0:49:39You were so lucky to have Mum.

0:49:40 > 0:49:43Yeah, well, nothing's perfect.

0:49:43 > 0:49:46- What? - Every marriage has its problems.

0:49:48 > 0:49:49Are you saying you and Mum did?

0:49:53 > 0:49:55Do you remember Gavin O'Connor?

0:49:55 > 0:49:58- The school principal?- Uh-huh.- Yeah.

0:49:58 > 0:50:05Yeah, well, when you was a kid, your mum was sort of acting suspiciously,

0:50:05 > 0:50:09- staying out late at night and always going to meetings and...- Hmm.

0:50:09 > 0:50:12Anyway, one night, I followed her.

0:50:14 > 0:50:16And she went to Gavin's place.

0:50:16 > 0:50:18What?

0:50:18 > 0:50:19Just about killed me.

0:50:21 > 0:50:22Did you confront 'em?

0:50:23 > 0:50:25Nah.

0:50:26 > 0:50:28I was too scared of losing her.

0:50:30 > 0:50:32I never told anyone that.

0:50:40 > 0:50:43Not long after that, Gavin moved to Sydney and...

0:50:46 > 0:50:48Nah, she loved you, Dad.

0:50:48 > 0:50:51I mean, she...she adored you.

0:50:54 > 0:50:56Yeah, I know.

0:50:56 > 0:50:58I know.

0:51:17 > 0:51:20You kids were like that...

0:51:20 > 0:51:22especially you.

0:51:22 > 0:51:26You were a little bugger. You had to be everywhere first.

0:51:26 > 0:51:28You were always 10m out in front of us,

0:51:28 > 0:51:31running and skipping and tripping over things.

0:51:34 > 0:51:38Oh, you were a funny little bugger.

0:51:49 > 0:51:50You OK, mate?

0:52:00 > 0:52:02I'm going to go for a walk.

0:52:12 > 0:52:14You think you'll ever have more kids?

0:52:16 > 0:52:18Yeah. I think so.

0:52:20 > 0:52:22You should, you know.

0:52:22 > 0:52:26You can either let what happened...

0:52:27 > 0:52:30..beat you...or you can try and overcome it.

0:52:33 > 0:52:34Hmm. Yeah.

0:52:36 > 0:52:38You shouldn't wait too long.

0:52:38 > 0:52:40Time waits for no man...

0:52:40 > 0:52:43and very few women.

0:52:46 > 0:52:48Yeah, well, obviously I've gotta meet someone first.

0:52:48 > 0:52:50Hmm? Yeah.

0:52:53 > 0:52:55That shouldn't be too hard.

0:53:00 > 0:53:02Sleep tight. See you in the morning, son.

0:53:02 > 0:53:06Yeah. Good night, Dad.

0:53:19 > 0:53:22- What are you up to?- What?

0:53:22 > 0:53:24I don't know. You're up to something.

0:53:24 > 0:53:26Oh! I'm just having me breakfast.

0:53:26 > 0:53:28Yeah, right.

0:53:28 > 0:53:30Oh, excuse me, love.

0:53:31 > 0:53:35My son here, Boots, was just asking me

0:53:35 > 0:53:37if I thought you were married or not

0:53:37 > 0:53:39and I said to him, "Go ahead. Ask her yourself."

0:53:39 > 0:53:41Yes, I am. Sorry.

0:53:41 > 0:53:43Oh, told you.

0:53:43 > 0:53:47Aww! You'll find someone.

0:53:47 > 0:53:49Yeah, thanks.

0:53:51 > 0:53:52- THUD! - Oooh, what?

0:53:52 > 0:53:56- What?! What?!- Oh.

0:53:56 > 0:53:58Oh, excuse me, love.

0:53:58 > 0:54:00Yes?

0:54:00 > 0:54:03My son Boots here, that strapping young fellow over there...

0:54:05 > 0:54:08- Oh, what's your pleasure, love? - Oh, just one of those.

0:54:08 > 0:54:09There you go.

0:54:09 > 0:54:11Thanks, darl.

0:54:11 > 0:54:13Oh, all part of the service.

0:54:14 > 0:54:16- Here's your change.- Thanks.

0:54:16 > 0:54:19And, um, this is our card.

0:54:19 > 0:54:24It's got the phone number on it... in case you need it.

0:54:26 > 0:54:27Oh.

0:54:27 > 0:54:29Thanks.

0:54:32 > 0:54:36Look, Dad, all I'm saying is I don't need help with the ladies.

0:54:36 > 0:54:38Well, we both know that's a load of rubbish.

0:54:38 > 0:54:41All right, well, put it this way - I certainly don't need YOUR help with the ladies.

0:54:41 > 0:54:43Hey, she gave you her phone number, didn't she?

0:54:43 > 0:54:45- Yeah, but I didn't ask for it. - That's what I'm for.

0:54:45 > 0:54:48No, Dad, that's not what you're here for.

0:54:48 > 0:54:51From now on, stay in the car when we stop to eat.

0:54:51 > 0:54:52Nah!

0:54:55 > 0:55:01So, it turns out I'm good with the ladies. Who knew?

0:55:05 > 0:55:06Eugh.

0:55:06 > 0:55:08You all right, Dad?

0:55:08 > 0:55:10Just get past this truck, son.

0:55:10 > 0:55:12HORN TOOTS

0:55:13 > 0:55:15HORN CONTINUES TOOTING

0:55:43 > 0:55:45- Dad?- (Boots.)

0:55:47 > 0:55:49G'day, Wes, boys.

0:55:51 > 0:55:52Dad?

0:55:52 > 0:55:55(Boots, here.)

0:55:55 > 0:55:56What the...?

0:56:00 > 0:56:01Quick.

0:56:01 > 0:56:04- G'day, mate.- G'day.

0:56:04 > 0:56:06Where will I find that great hunk of spunk you were with?

0:56:06 > 0:56:08My dad?

0:56:08 > 0:56:09Your dad? Yeah, must be.

0:56:12 > 0:56:15My dad? Now, let me think.

0:56:15 > 0:56:18I mean, he couldn't be far away.

0:56:18 > 0:56:21I mean, he was here, like, a minute ago.

0:56:22 > 0:56:24My dad?

0:56:27 > 0:56:30Hmm... Oh, hang on.

0:56:33 > 0:56:37Oh, here it is, found it - the cup we...

0:56:37 > 0:56:41Oh, hello, love.

0:56:41 > 0:56:44BOOTS AND CHARLIE LAUGH

0:56:44 > 0:56:45You're good with the ladies?

0:56:47 > 0:56:50Well, you know, I'm a dairy farmer but that was absurd.

0:56:50 > 0:56:51BOTH LAUGH

0:56:51 > 0:56:55You should have seen you, trying to bend in there like a koala bear

0:56:55 > 0:56:56trying to get in a matchbox.

0:56:56 > 0:56:59Good thinking, though, wasn't it?

0:56:59 > 0:57:02A foam cup, eh? She wouldn't have got hers in a foam cup.

0:57:02 > 0:57:04BOTH LAUGH

0:57:06 > 0:57:08- There you go, fellas. - Oh, thanks, love.

0:57:08 > 0:57:09Where are you heading?

0:57:09 > 0:57:13We're thinking about going this way up to Emerald

0:57:13 > 0:57:16- and then all the way up to the Cape. - Oh, no worries.

0:57:16 > 0:57:21Most people take the Roma road but my hubby, Clive - he's a sales rep -

0:57:21 > 0:57:23swears by the road straight north

0:57:23 > 0:57:27and then you cut across at a place they call Mongans Lane.

0:57:27 > 0:57:29That's about 100km north of here,

0:57:29 > 0:57:31then get on to the Emerald road from there.

0:57:31 > 0:57:34He reckons it saves about an hour and a half.

0:57:36 > 0:57:39Sounds good to me. You know what they say about local knowledge!

0:57:40 > 0:57:42It's a good road?

0:57:42 > 0:57:43Yeah. Yeah.

0:57:43 > 0:57:47A bit of gravel, about 40km, but no traffic.

0:57:47 > 0:57:49No worries. Thanks for that.

0:58:49 > 0:58:51Beautiful country out this way, isn't it?

0:58:51 > 0:58:52Yeah.

0:59:00 > 0:59:02Which was the road she said to take?

0:59:05 > 0:59:07Actually, I think this is it coming up here, isn't it?

0:59:07 > 0:59:12Mongans Lane. This is it here.

0:59:34 > 0:59:35Wow! Look at that.

0:59:35 > 0:59:39The sky looks amazing.

0:59:39 > 0:59:40HISSING

0:59:40 > 0:59:42Bugger.

0:59:46 > 0:59:48It's not too bad. It's just a burst radiator hose.

0:59:48 > 0:59:50Can you fix it?

0:59:50 > 0:59:53No. I haven't got any tools.

0:59:53 > 0:59:54What do you expect?

0:59:54 > 0:59:58You set off on some harebrained bloody trip, half-cocked.

0:59:58 > 1:00:01I haven't got a spare radiator hose either.

1:00:01 > 1:00:02You're a bloody dickhead.

1:00:02 > 1:00:04You knew we were coming up here.

1:00:04 > 1:00:06You should have brought a spare.

1:00:06 > 1:00:08Well, it wasn't exactly a trip that I'd planned, Dad.

1:00:08 > 1:00:10Oh, bloody useless.

1:00:10 > 1:00:13What sort of an idiot comes up here without his tools?

1:00:13 > 1:00:17Me, Dad. Me. Is that what you want to hear?

1:00:17 > 1:00:19I mean, I'm not Graeme.

1:00:19 > 1:00:23I mean, I'm doing my best here, Dad, but I can't do everything.

1:00:23 > 1:00:25I don't know what you want.

1:00:30 > 1:00:32I want your mum back.

1:00:40 > 1:00:43Well, I can't do anything about that, Dad.

1:00:44 > 1:00:47I mean, the same as I couldn't do anything about Ben.

1:00:47 > 1:00:50I want to go home.

1:00:50 > 1:00:51To do what, Dad?

1:00:51 > 1:00:54What? Sit in the dark and feel sorry for yourself?

1:00:54 > 1:00:56Fuck, Dad! It wouldn't hurt to cry, you know.

1:00:57 > 1:01:00But you just cut yourself off.

1:01:02 > 1:01:05You did it... I mean, you did it when Ben died and you're doing it now.

1:01:05 > 1:01:09You went on and on to me with all this bullshit

1:01:09 > 1:01:12about, you know, "Don't let it destroy you."

1:01:12 > 1:01:14And what are you doing?

1:01:18 > 1:01:22You know, Dad, let's not pretend that I don't know about loss.

1:01:22 > 1:01:24Really!

1:01:24 > 1:01:27Dad, my heart nearly stopped when Ben drowned

1:01:27 > 1:01:32and I have struggled every day... I've got to tell you the truth, Dad.

1:01:32 > 1:01:34It is not a day that goes by that I...

1:01:34 > 1:01:37I mean, Mum was there when he died.

1:01:38 > 1:01:39I mean, how did that happen?

1:01:39 > 1:01:42I mean, she was looking after him.

1:01:42 > 1:01:45I mean, they were playing hide-and-seek, for God's sake.

1:01:47 > 1:01:52Your mum struggled with that... every bloody day since.

1:01:52 > 1:01:55I'd go to sleep at night

1:01:55 > 1:01:58and wake up to her crying her eyes out.

1:01:59 > 1:02:02I would have liked to cry with her too

1:02:02 > 1:02:05but someone has to say "Don't worry, love,"

1:02:05 > 1:02:08and, "You'll feel better tomorrow,"

1:02:08 > 1:02:11and, "It's God's will,"

1:02:11 > 1:02:14and whatever other pathetic bullshit I could come out with.

1:02:16 > 1:02:20You know, Therese, I mean, never forgave Mum for that,

1:02:20 > 1:02:23and I got to be honest, Dad - I wrestled with it too.

1:02:30 > 1:02:35And you know what really gets me, is that, I mean, despite all that,

1:02:35 > 1:02:38you know, I never got to tell Mum I still loved her.

1:02:41 > 1:02:43Oh, mate, she knew that.

1:02:43 > 1:02:46I promise you, she knew.

1:02:47 > 1:02:48(I need to cry.)

1:02:57 > 1:02:59I'll never forget the night I first met your mum.

1:03:01 > 1:03:05It was the footy club dance at the Allansford Hall.

1:03:06 > 1:03:09Oh, she was something. Took my breath away.

1:03:09 > 1:03:12She was the new schoolteacher in town then

1:03:12 > 1:03:15and every bloke in town was after her.

1:03:15 > 1:03:19I remember Gary Flood, Archie Witherspoon,

1:03:19 > 1:03:21Joey Twigg -

1:03:21 > 1:03:23in fact, the whole bloody football team

1:03:23 > 1:03:26was lined up waiting to get a dance with her.

1:03:27 > 1:03:29I thought to myself,

1:03:29 > 1:03:32"If I don't make a move now, I'm going to miss out."

1:03:32 > 1:03:37As luck happened, I spotted a gap in the pack,

1:03:37 > 1:03:42sidestepped my way through and asked her for a dance,

1:03:42 > 1:03:43and she said yes.

1:03:45 > 1:03:47Then the music started...

1:03:48 > 1:03:50..and it was the bloody tangoette.

1:03:50 > 1:03:52Tangoette?

1:03:52 > 1:03:53The dance of love.

1:03:53 > 1:03:56- Oh, tough one.- Oh!

1:03:58 > 1:04:03Anyway, the next thing, there I was,

1:04:03 > 1:04:08gliding across the dance floor, cheek to cheek with your mum... Gracie.

1:04:09 > 1:04:13I was a pretty useful footy player,

1:04:13 > 1:04:16you know, quick on me feet,

1:04:16 > 1:04:18but I couldn't dance for shit.

1:04:18 > 1:04:20BOOTS CHUCKLES

1:04:20 > 1:04:23I was treading all over her feet and kicking her shins and...

1:04:23 > 1:04:24CHARLIE SIGHS

1:04:24 > 1:04:25..disaster.

1:04:29 > 1:04:31So what did you do?

1:04:31 > 1:04:35I did the only thing I could do, the only decent thing to do -

1:04:35 > 1:04:38- I faked a hammy. - CHARLIE GROANS

1:04:38 > 1:04:39Fantastic!

1:04:41 > 1:04:43Yeah, it worked.

1:04:43 > 1:04:47Your mum helped me off the dance floor...

1:04:48 > 1:04:53..and then spent the next 45 years looking after me.

1:04:57 > 1:05:01Oh, God, I miss her. I miss her.

1:05:08 > 1:05:09Yeah, I know.

1:05:20 > 1:05:22DOG PANTS

1:05:22 > 1:05:25You blokes got some trouble, have ya?

1:05:27 > 1:05:30Oh, yeah. We've done our radiator hose.

1:05:30 > 1:05:34And where are you fellas off to anyway, eh?

1:05:34 > 1:05:35We're heading up the Cape.

1:05:35 > 1:05:38I promised me son here I'd take him fishing

1:05:38 > 1:05:41at the northernmost tip of Australia.

1:05:44 > 1:05:46You blokes right?

1:05:46 > 1:05:47Yeah, let her rip.

1:06:06 > 1:06:07Got another rope?

1:06:07 > 1:06:09No.

1:06:09 > 1:06:13No worries, then. I'll just double this one up, eh?

1:06:13 > 1:06:14Sure. Thanks.

1:06:22 > 1:06:24All right. That should do it.

1:06:24 > 1:06:28I was thinking, maybe just take it a little bit easier this time.

1:06:28 > 1:06:30Yeah, righto.

1:06:44 > 1:06:46Bloody hell. It's hard to see.

1:06:46 > 1:06:49Oh, well, you don't need me, mate. I'll have a little nap.

1:06:49 > 1:06:51Bullshit!

1:06:53 > 1:06:56- We're doing 80!- Maybe they've forgot we're back here.

1:07:03 > 1:07:05Shit, Dad, we're doing 100!

1:07:05 > 1:07:08Didn't that waitress say that her old man did 120 on this road?

1:07:08 > 1:07:10I bet he wasn't bloody towing someone.

1:07:16 > 1:07:18This guy's trying to kill us.

1:07:18 > 1:07:19Whoa! Shit!

1:07:19 > 1:07:20TYRES SCREECH

1:07:25 > 1:07:27Shit! We're doing 120 already.

1:07:28 > 1:07:30SIREN WAILS

1:07:33 > 1:07:34Uh-oh.

1:07:40 > 1:07:41I want you to pull over.

1:07:43 > 1:07:44You want us to what?

1:07:44 > 1:07:46I want you to pull over.

1:07:46 > 1:07:48Pull over?

1:07:49 > 1:07:50This should be interesting.

1:07:50 > 1:07:54You, er... You might want to talk to the guys in the other car.

1:07:54 > 1:07:57Don't worry about them. I'll deal with them in a minute.

1:07:57 > 1:07:59He's a bright bugger.

1:08:00 > 1:08:03You know you're being towed?

1:08:03 > 1:08:05Oh? Oh, really?

1:08:05 > 1:08:08And here we were, just about to try and overtake the buggers.

1:08:10 > 1:08:12Stay here.

1:08:12 > 1:08:14- Stay here? - THEY LAUGH

1:08:14 > 1:08:15Uh, roger.

1:08:15 > 1:08:18SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER

1:08:28 > 1:08:30There you go, fellas.

1:08:30 > 1:08:33Yeah, er, sorry about the speeding ticket back there, eh?

1:08:33 > 1:08:38Ah, no worries. Still can't believe he tried to book us for tailgating.

1:08:38 > 1:08:40What's going on?

1:08:40 > 1:08:42What's goin' on?!

1:08:42 > 1:08:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:08:45 > 1:08:49COMMENTATOR SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY

1:08:58 > 1:09:00CHEERING

1:09:03 > 1:09:06PEOPLE SCREAM

1:09:20 > 1:09:23- FIRECRACKER POPS - Go on! Get out of it!

1:09:37 > 1:09:38Oh!

1:09:38 > 1:09:40CHUCKLES

1:09:40 > 1:09:41Bloody hell. Did you see that?

1:09:41 > 1:09:44You'd have to be half mad, wouldn't you?

1:09:58 > 1:10:00Don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, coming up straight after this event,

1:10:00 > 1:10:02the inaugural amateur challenge.

1:10:02 > 1:10:05Which one of you would-be cowboys out there in the crowd

1:10:05 > 1:10:09wants to get on the legendary buckin' bull, the mighty Dynamite?

1:10:09 > 1:10:11Come up and put your names down.

1:10:11 > 1:10:13We're going to draw it in about ten minutes' time.

1:10:13 > 1:10:15All you would-be cowboys...

1:10:15 > 1:10:16CHEERING

1:10:23 > 1:10:25I need a leak.

1:10:25 > 1:10:27Yeah, all right. I'll stay here.

1:10:45 > 1:10:47You took your time.

1:10:47 > 1:10:51Right now it's time to draw the name of the very brave man

1:10:51 > 1:10:54who shortly will be precariously perched

1:10:54 > 1:10:56upon over one ton of angry fillet steak

1:10:56 > 1:10:58on our feature bull named Dynamite.

1:10:58 > 1:11:01What's that? What's that?

1:11:02 > 1:11:06Well, it seems that it's going to be easier than I thought.

1:11:06 > 1:11:08There's only one man, shall I say, with the kahunas

1:11:08 > 1:11:10game enough to mix it with the big boys.

1:11:10 > 1:11:13Give him a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen.

1:11:13 > 1:11:17How about it? About to ride Dynamite - Boots McFarland.

1:11:17 > 1:11:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:11:18 > 1:11:20I'm fucking what?

1:11:20 > 1:11:21Come on up here, Boots.

1:11:21 > 1:11:23What is WRONG with you?

1:11:23 > 1:11:25Boots McFarland, ladies and gentlemen!

1:11:25 > 1:11:29My son! Give him a big hand.

1:11:31 > 1:11:34Mate, no worries - I had a good look at that old bull.

1:11:34 > 1:11:36It's as gentle as a lamb.

1:11:36 > 1:11:38Are you mad? There's no way I'm going to be able to ride a bull.

1:11:38 > 1:11:41Mate, you think I don't know cattle after all these years?

1:11:41 > 1:11:44If he's a bucking bull, I'm the next pope. Wave to the fans.

1:11:44 > 1:11:46You're going to die, you fat f...

1:11:46 > 1:11:47Whoa!

1:11:49 > 1:11:51Thank God you're here, mate.

1:11:51 > 1:11:54I thought we were going to have to cancel the event.

1:11:54 > 1:11:57- Huh, great.- You've obviously done this before.- No.- Really?

1:11:57 > 1:12:00Well, this bloke hasn't bucked this century.

1:12:00 > 1:12:02The only thing you're in danger of

1:12:02 > 1:12:04is this old boy falling asleep and laying down.

1:12:04 > 1:12:07- Yeah.- Now, when he gets out, he'll just trundle around a bit, right?

1:12:07 > 1:12:10- Huh.- Try and make it look dangerous, you know,

1:12:10 > 1:12:12and jump off when you're ready.

1:12:12 > 1:12:14Just bend that round the back again. BULL BRAYS

1:12:14 > 1:12:16I've ridden a horse before. Does that help?

1:12:16 > 1:12:19Oh, well... we'll be right, then, won't we?

1:12:19 > 1:12:21Enjoy.

1:12:21 > 1:12:23You ready?

1:12:23 > 1:12:24Yeah.

1:12:24 > 1:12:28Our cowboy, Boots McFarland, is raring to go.

1:12:28 > 1:12:29Hey, Boots, give us a wave.

1:12:29 > 1:12:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:12:31 > 1:12:34Now, Boots, for climbing aboard you are already our winner.

1:12:34 > 1:12:36We've got a dinner for two

1:12:36 > 1:12:39at the Los Elmos Emerald Mexican Cantina.

1:12:39 > 1:12:43And also - this might help dull the pain -

1:12:43 > 1:12:45a dozen bottles of Inner Circle rum.

1:12:48 > 1:12:51- BULL GRUNTS - Shit!

1:12:51 > 1:12:54CROWD CHEERS

1:12:54 > 1:12:56Oh, shit!

1:12:56 > 1:12:58BOOTS GRUNTS

1:12:59 > 1:13:00Oh!

1:13:03 > 1:13:05Get away from... Get aw...

1:13:06 > 1:13:08MEN SHOUT INDISTINCTLY

1:13:13 > 1:13:15Oh!

1:13:26 > 1:13:29Come on. Get out of here. Go, go, go!

1:13:29 > 1:13:31BRAYS

1:13:31 > 1:13:32Run! Go, go, go, go, go, go!

1:13:37 > 1:13:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:13:40 > 1:13:44Well, what do you say now, your holiness?

1:13:46 > 1:13:48CHARLIE GRUNTS

1:13:55 > 1:13:56PEOPLE SCREAM

1:13:59 > 1:14:02- What'd I tell ya? Piece of cake. - "Piece of cake."

1:14:02 > 1:14:05- I know me cattle, mate. - He was a big piece of cake.

1:14:05 > 1:14:08- Oh, how you doin'? This here is...- Boots.

1:14:08 > 1:14:09- Oh, Leilani.- Beautiful day.

1:14:09 > 1:14:11Hello.

1:14:11 > 1:14:12Single.

1:14:12 > 1:14:15What'd I tell you, mate? All the girls love a cowboy.

1:14:15 > 1:14:17Yeah, Dad. I'm a cowboy. I'm a hurt one.

1:14:17 > 1:14:20- That was part of me plan. - Yeah, you had a...

1:14:20 > 1:14:22- Hello. - You boys like a massage?

1:14:22 > 1:14:25- Oh, yeah, Boots here would.- Yeah.

1:14:25 > 1:14:28Actually, we both would.

1:14:28 > 1:14:30No, mate, I...

1:14:30 > 1:14:31Yeah, come on.

1:14:31 > 1:14:33I've... I've never had a massage. Mate, no!

1:14:39 > 1:14:42If you could just put these on.

1:14:44 > 1:14:46On what?

1:14:47 > 1:14:48Yeah, sure. Thanks.

1:14:54 > 1:14:56Which is the front and which is the back?

1:14:56 > 1:14:59I think it kind of depends on what kind of look you're going for.

1:14:59 > 1:15:02BOTH LAUGH

1:15:02 > 1:15:04Are you ready, boys?

1:15:05 > 1:15:07Uh.

1:15:07 > 1:15:09LAID-BACK MUSIC PLAYS

1:15:12 > 1:15:14BOOTS CHUCKLES AND GRUNTS

1:15:23 > 1:15:27Love, while I don't doubt that you could change a tractor tyre

1:15:27 > 1:15:29with your bare hands...

1:15:29 > 1:15:31- You reckon?- Yeah. Just bear in mind

1:15:31 > 1:15:34that you're working on a vintage Rolls-Royce here.

1:15:34 > 1:15:36Okey-dokey.

1:15:38 > 1:15:41Whoops! Not too high, love.

1:15:41 > 1:15:43Don't wanna damage the gearbox.

1:15:46 > 1:15:48BOOTS GRUNTS

1:15:49 > 1:15:52- Dad, Dad!- Yeah.

1:15:52 > 1:15:54I dare you to ask for the "executive finish'.

1:15:54 > 1:15:56SPLUTTERS

1:15:56 > 1:15:58Oh!

1:15:58 > 1:16:02UPBEAT MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYS

1:16:08 > 1:16:09How are you feeling?

1:16:09 > 1:16:11Bit sore, mate. How about you?

1:16:11 > 1:16:15Sore. If I'd had come down off that bull any harder

1:16:15 > 1:16:17I'd have three Adam's apples.

1:16:17 > 1:16:20- BROAD AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: - Buenas noches, amigos.- Sorry?

1:16:20 > 1:16:22Oh, it means, "Good evening, friends," in Mexico.

1:16:22 > 1:16:24My dad makes me say it.

1:16:24 > 1:16:26He says it makes the place more authentic.

1:16:26 > 1:16:28Authentic.

1:16:28 > 1:16:31Of course, the moustache is real, right?

1:16:31 > 1:16:33No. He makes me wear that too.

1:16:33 > 1:16:35Get out!

1:16:35 > 1:16:39Well, er, amigo, we are mucho hungry.

1:16:39 > 1:16:41Righto, then.

1:16:43 > 1:16:46Well, mucho gracias and adios, amigos.

1:16:46 > 1:16:49Oh, hooroo, amigo.

1:16:49 > 1:16:50See ya, mate.

1:16:52 > 1:16:55- Very authentic. - Yeah, got me convinced.

1:16:55 > 1:16:57BURPS

1:16:57 > 1:16:59Oof. What do you reckon's in a burrito?

1:16:59 > 1:17:02I don't know, but it's in us now.

1:17:02 > 1:17:05Well, bugger me. It's that Tristan's car.

1:17:05 > 1:17:07You're kidding.

1:17:07 > 1:17:08No.

1:17:10 > 1:17:13- What are you doing? - Going to hide it.

1:17:13 > 1:17:14That is so immature.

1:17:14 > 1:17:16Not to mention childish.

1:17:16 > 1:17:19Going to help? Yeah!

1:17:20 > 1:17:24- OK, steady.- Just make sure the handbrake's on.- Yeah, yeah.

1:17:25 > 1:17:27You've never grown up, have ya?

1:17:27 > 1:17:29- Bit late now. - Shh, shh, shh!

1:17:29 > 1:17:32- Going to hide it behind that truck. - Where you going?- Over there.

1:17:32 > 1:17:35- Oh, ohh!- Uh-oh!

1:17:35 > 1:17:39Oh, not good. Not good, not good, not good.

1:17:47 > 1:17:49That can't be good.

1:17:49 > 1:17:50Uh, no.

1:17:50 > 1:17:54Didn't his car have four spotlights on it?

1:17:54 > 1:17:57- Uh, yeah. - METAL CRUNCHES, ALARM BLARES

1:18:08 > 1:18:12So one day God was sitting around in Heaven

1:18:12 > 1:18:14on his La-Z-Boy recliner.

1:18:14 > 1:18:17Well, he can if he wants to - he's God.

1:18:17 > 1:18:21And he saw his son come in and he said, "Jesus, lad, over here."

1:18:21 > 1:18:23He said, "I've been looking down at Earth

1:18:23 > 1:18:25"and it's a terrible mess.

1:18:25 > 1:18:28"I'm going to have to send you down there to straighten them out."

1:18:28 > 1:18:31And Jesus said, "My pleasure, Dad.

1:18:31 > 1:18:33"There's a bit of a drawback, though," he said.

1:18:33 > 1:18:35"I'm going to have to send you as a human being.

1:18:35 > 1:18:37"You'll be mortal

1:18:37 > 1:18:40"and I'm afraid you're going to have to die for their sins."

1:18:40 > 1:18:45Jesus says, oh, you know, "OK, your wish is my command, " etc.

1:18:45 > 1:18:49He said, "Look, Son, the best thing I can do, though,

1:18:49 > 1:18:51"is I can give you a choice in how you're going to die.

1:18:51 > 1:18:53"You can either be crucified

1:18:53 > 1:18:56"or you can be stung to death by killer bees."

1:18:56 > 1:18:57CHUCKLES

1:18:57 > 1:19:00And that's the reason that all over the world today,

1:19:00 > 1:19:03Christians make the sign of the cross.

1:19:03 > 1:19:05And not...

1:19:05 > 1:19:07LAUGHS

1:19:07 > 1:19:08CHARLIE CRIES OUT COMICALLY

1:19:10 > 1:19:14- All right, another one. There's two nuns, they're in a car.- Oh, no!

1:19:14 > 1:19:16Yeah, they're in a car and this massive bat comes in

1:19:16 > 1:19:19and it's kind of like Satan.

1:19:19 > 1:19:21And it lands on the bonnet, foam and blood and fierce,

1:19:21 > 1:19:23kind of going, "Arggh!"

1:19:23 > 1:19:27On the bonnet - "Rarr!" On the bonnet, right?

1:19:27 > 1:19:30And one of the nuns says, "Quick, Maud, show him your cross."

1:19:30 > 1:19:33And she goes, "Oh, good idea," and she winds the window down

1:19:33 > 1:19:34and goes, "Get off the bonnet, you...!"

1:19:36 > 1:19:38There was a young man from McLeod

1:19:38 > 1:19:40"Who was caressing a girl in the crowd

1:19:40 > 1:19:42When someone down front said...

1:19:42 > 1:19:45- No, no, no, no.- No what?

1:19:45 > 1:19:48That's the wrong limerick, son. You've got two mixed up.

1:19:48 > 1:19:50It goes like this.

1:19:50 > 1:19:52There was a young girl from Bude

1:19:52 > 1:19:54Who got on a tram in the nude

1:19:54 > 1:19:57- When the vicar down front... - A vicar? Rubbish, vicar!

1:19:57 > 1:19:59That's not a limerick.

1:19:59 > 1:20:02It has to rhyme with McLeod cos the last line of the limerick

1:20:02 > 1:20:04is "Just like that, out loud."

1:20:04 > 1:20:06No. How can that be a limerick?

1:20:06 > 1:20:09A limerick has to have a certain rhythm, a count to it.

1:20:09 > 1:20:14It goes, "Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da..."

1:20:14 > 1:20:17Da-da-da! Bullshit! That's not a limerick.

1:20:17 > 1:20:20- Mine's a limerick. Yours is not a limerick.- It's not.

1:20:20 > 1:20:23A limerick's supposed to be funny. Mine's hilarious. Yours isn't.

1:20:23 > 1:20:25Limericks are an art form, an ancient art form from Ireland, OK?

1:20:25 > 1:20:27And I taught ya!

1:20:28 > 1:20:30Can I help you, boys?

1:20:30 > 1:20:32Yes, you can, love, as a matter of fact.

1:20:32 > 1:20:35You look to me like a woman of the world.

1:20:36 > 1:20:38There was a young lady from Bude...

1:20:38 > 1:20:40- Let it go! - Who got on a tram in the nude...

1:20:40 > 1:20:43No, there was a young man from McLeod

1:20:43 > 1:20:45Who was caressing a girl in the crowd...

1:20:45 > 1:20:48- No, that's a joke, not a limerick. - It is a limerick, Dad. - It's the "Girl in the nude."

1:20:48 > 1:20:50- And it's not a vicar. - It's always a vicar.

1:20:50 > 1:20:52- It's never a vicar. - Vicars are funny.

1:20:52 > 1:20:53- They ride round on bikes... - Look...

1:20:53 > 1:20:56- On bikes? You are off your trolley. - Look!- What's it got to do with a bike?

1:20:56 > 1:20:58Look, I'm not interested.

1:20:58 > 1:21:00It sounds disgusting.

1:21:00 > 1:21:03You're both old enough to know better - especially you.

1:21:03 > 1:21:07Now, if you want to order food, go ahead.

1:21:07 > 1:21:09Otherwise, you can leave.

1:21:17 > 1:21:19- Where are you blokes headin'? - Up to Cape York.

1:21:19 > 1:21:21We're going fishing off the tip of Australia.

1:21:21 > 1:21:23Not in this, you're not.

1:21:23 > 1:21:25Especially this time of the year.

1:21:25 > 1:21:27This won't even go close.

1:21:27 > 1:21:29Oh?

1:21:29 > 1:21:31Oh, well, um...

1:21:31 > 1:21:33.have to get a hold of a four-wheel drive.

1:21:33 > 1:21:35- Eh, Dad?- Yeah. Yeah, we can rent one.

1:21:35 > 1:21:37Anywhere near here we can get one of those?

1:21:37 > 1:21:40Yep. Down at Cairns. No worries.

1:21:40 > 1:21:41Well, there you go.

1:21:41 > 1:21:44But unless it's got fins, I don't think it'll help ya.

1:21:44 > 1:21:46What do you mean?

1:21:46 > 1:21:48It's the wet season.

1:21:48 > 1:21:51River crossings are 30 feet deep this time of the year.

1:21:51 > 1:21:53Then there's the crocs.

1:21:55 > 1:21:57Bloody wet season.

1:22:02 > 1:22:04Mate, we did bloody well to get this far.

1:22:04 > 1:22:07We can still whip over to Port Douglas.

1:22:07 > 1:22:09I reckon the fishing there's great. Eh?

1:22:09 > 1:22:12Yeah, I know, Dad, but...

1:22:12 > 1:22:15you know, just once in my life it'd be nice to actually achieve

1:22:15 > 1:22:17something I've set out to do. You know what I mean?

1:22:26 > 1:22:28Does that thing work?

1:22:31 > 1:22:35- FLY BUZZES - I'm not going up in that.

1:22:35 > 1:22:37Oh, yes, you are.

1:22:37 > 1:22:40You've already dragged me 2,000 bloody miles.

1:22:40 > 1:22:42We're going through with this now.

1:22:42 > 1:22:44Does it even fly?

1:22:44 > 1:22:46Well, it did last time we dragged it out.

1:22:46 > 1:22:48Sorta.

1:22:50 > 1:22:52DOOR CREAKS

1:22:57 > 1:23:00I've gotta tell you, I'm not too crazy about flying.

1:23:00 > 1:23:01Especially in small planes.

1:23:01 > 1:23:05If you get scared, just close our eyes. That's what I do.

1:23:05 > 1:23:07Oh, fantastic.

1:23:07 > 1:23:11Well, you could always stay here. Look after the servo with Marge.

1:23:11 > 1:23:13Nup. Your missus scares me.

1:23:13 > 1:23:15Yeah, that makes two of us.

1:23:15 > 1:23:19Hey, where do you get your aviation fuel around here?

1:23:19 > 1:23:22Aviation fuel? That's just revenue raising for the government.

1:23:22 > 1:23:25I use what I've got in the pumps.

1:23:25 > 1:23:30- That works just as well? - Yeah. Well, seems to.

1:23:30 > 1:23:33That'll do it. Climb on in.

1:23:42 > 1:23:45- SIGHS - I'm glad you blokes turned up.

1:23:45 > 1:23:48I've been looking for an excuse to see if the old girl

1:23:48 > 1:23:52will still get off the ground with a big load like this.

1:23:53 > 1:23:55SIGHS

1:24:01 > 1:24:03ENGINE PURRS

1:24:03 > 1:24:07Mate, you know, I'm really glad you talked me into this trip.

1:24:13 > 1:24:14Here's the captain.

1:24:14 > 1:24:16Yeah, well...

1:24:18 > 1:24:21Well, she's started. That's always a good sign.

1:24:52 > 1:24:54All tied in?

1:24:54 > 1:24:56- Yep.- Sort of.

1:24:56 > 1:24:58OK.

1:25:06 > 1:25:08Ah, shit!

1:25:08 > 1:25:10Are they cows up there on the runway?

1:25:10 > 1:25:12Not mine, the neighbours'.

1:25:12 > 1:25:14I keep forgetting to fix that bloody fence.

1:25:14 > 1:25:17They look like Brahmas. Good stock.

1:25:17 > 1:25:20Shouldn't we be pulling up? Can we pull up, pull up?!

1:25:20 > 1:25:22COWS BELLOW

1:25:22 > 1:25:23Oh, shit!

1:25:27 > 1:25:29That was a bit of fun.

1:25:39 > 1:25:40Look at that, fellas.

1:25:40 > 1:25:42Atherton Tablelands.

1:25:44 > 1:25:46Home of agriculture, bananas,

1:25:46 > 1:25:48pineapples...

1:25:48 > 1:25:50Oh, fuck me! Not you too.

1:25:50 > 1:25:52He's bad enough.

1:25:56 > 1:25:58You get her up very often?

1:25:58 > 1:25:59Nah.

1:25:59 > 1:26:01Haven't been flying much lately.

1:26:01 > 1:26:04Due to the fact that the carby's a bit dodgy.

1:26:04 > 1:26:07How long's this going to take?

1:26:07 > 1:26:09Oh, dunno.

1:26:09 > 1:26:12Two...three hours?

1:26:14 > 1:26:16Hope you had a pee before we left.

1:26:16 > 1:26:19You do know how to find it, yeah?

1:26:19 > 1:26:23I've flown to Cape York dozens of times.

1:26:23 > 1:26:25Never as the pilot, though.

1:26:25 > 1:26:29Now, is the ocean meant to be on our left or our right?

1:26:29 > 1:26:31Right!

1:26:31 > 1:26:34Oh, well. No worries, then.

1:26:36 > 1:26:39Mate, this thing, can you do aerobatics in this?

1:26:39 > 1:26:41Nah, it's not built for it.

1:26:41 > 1:26:44I went up with a crop-duster pilot once.

1:26:44 > 1:26:47And he done one of those stall drops. Geez, it was fun.

1:26:47 > 1:26:48I can do a stall!

1:26:52 > 1:26:54Thing is not to panic

1:26:54 > 1:26:57just because the ground's coming up at 200 miles an hour.

1:26:57 > 1:27:01See that, Boots? That's the beautiful Daintree forest.

1:27:01 > 1:27:03Amazing, isn't it?

1:27:03 > 1:27:07Just gently...pull it back.

1:27:14 > 1:27:17Oh, that was fun!

1:27:18 > 1:27:20Do you want to have a try?

1:27:20 > 1:27:22Oh, me? Ohh.

1:27:24 > 1:27:26Uh, I'd better not.

1:27:27 > 1:27:29Look at that.

1:27:31 > 1:27:32Great Barrier Reef.

1:27:33 > 1:27:36One of the true wonders of the world.

1:27:40 > 1:27:42It really is something, isn't it?

1:27:44 > 1:27:46Wow.

1:28:00 > 1:28:01I hope that's broken.

1:28:07 > 1:28:08See that?

1:28:10 > 1:28:11You can see both coastlines.

1:28:11 > 1:28:15We've almost run out of Australia.

1:28:16 > 1:28:18There she is.

1:28:18 > 1:28:21So, that's Cape York, eh?

1:28:24 > 1:28:26- Where's the airstrip?- Airstrip?

1:28:26 > 1:28:28I'll chuck her down on the beach.

1:28:30 > 1:28:32- Does that work?- No worries.

1:28:32 > 1:28:36As my old mate Bill used to say,

1:28:36 > 1:28:40"Any landing you can walk away from's a good landing."

1:28:41 > 1:28:43God rest his soul.

1:28:44 > 1:28:46LAUGHS

1:29:08 > 1:29:11- You got everything? - Yeah, that's the lot, mate. Can't thank you enough, Roly.

1:29:11 > 1:29:13- No worries.- Yeah, thanks, mate.

1:29:13 > 1:29:16- I'll be back in a few days. - Sounds good.

1:29:16 > 1:29:19Well, better get goin' before the sun disappears.

1:29:21 > 1:29:23I hope I can find me way back.

1:29:25 > 1:29:26CHUCKLES

1:29:48 > 1:29:51MUSIC: "Catch The Wind" by Donovan

1:29:56 > 1:30:01# In the chilly hours and minutes Of uncertainty

1:30:01 > 1:30:03# I want to be

1:30:03 > 1:30:09# In the warm heart of your loving mind

1:30:11 > 1:30:15# To feel you all around me

1:30:15 > 1:30:19# And to take your hand along the sand

1:30:19 > 1:30:24# Ah, but I may as well Try and catch the wind

1:30:27 > 1:30:33# When sundown pales the sky I want to hide a while

1:30:33 > 1:30:36# Behind your smile

1:30:36 > 1:30:42# And everywhere I'd look Your eyes I'd find

1:30:42 > 1:30:46# For me to love you now

1:30:46 > 1:30:50# Would be the sweetest thing... #

1:30:50 > 1:30:52- There you go, son.- Thanks.

1:30:52 > 1:30:53Oh.

1:30:55 > 1:30:58Sarsaparilla!

1:31:04 > 1:31:06Ahhh.

1:31:09 > 1:31:15I... I've been thinkin' about buying old Tommy Noonan's farm.

1:31:17 > 1:31:20Of course I'd...

1:31:20 > 1:31:22I'd need someone to help me run it.

1:31:28 > 1:31:33# ...For standin' in your heart Is where I want to be... #

1:31:33 > 1:31:35Photo.

1:31:37 > 1:31:38For the fridge.

1:31:45 > 1:31:47Ripper.

1:31:59 > 1:32:02There was a young man from Bombay...

1:32:02 > 1:32:05Who caught a slow boat to China one day.

1:32:05 > 1:32:07He was tied to the tiller...

1:32:07 > 1:32:09By a sex-crazed gorilla...

1:32:09 > 1:32:12BOTH: "And China's a long way away."

1:32:13 > 1:32:14Here we go.

1:32:23 > 1:32:31# ..But I may as well Try and catch the wind. #

1:34:15 > 1:34:17She's a big bridge, isn't she, Dad?

1:34:17 > 1:34:19Yep.

1:34:21 > 1:34:22Imagine having to paint the bastard.