0:00:34 > 0:00:37MAN: OK. Life lesson. A lot of people think the Moment
0:00:37 > 0:00:40a parent lets go of their child is at their wedding.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Not me.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Think he's crying because he's giving away his daughter?
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Uh-uh.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49It's because she's marrying this guy.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Truth is, he said goodbye years ago,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54the day she left home.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The trouble starts here -
0:00:57 > 0:00:59college application season.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02With over 4,000 colleges in the US,
0:01:02 > 0:01:05I developed five reasons for choosing the perfect one
0:01:05 > 0:01:07for my little girl -
0:01:07 > 0:01:08academics...
0:01:08 > 0:01:10distance from home...
0:01:10 > 0:01:11campus safety...
0:01:11 > 0:01:12distance from home...
0:01:12 > 0:01:15and last but not least...
0:01:15 > 0:01:16distance from home.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Which led us to the best choice -
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Northwestern.
0:01:21 > 0:01:2440 miles from our house, safe, great education.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28I can get there in 28 minutes, clocked.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Now, you can never start a plan too early.
0:01:33 > 0:01:38I'm James Porter, police chief, husband, Dad,
0:01:38 > 0:01:40and the best part of my plan -
0:01:40 > 0:01:45when Melanie finishes high school, she be going to Northwestern.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Ohh!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Ohh!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Ohh! Oh!
0:01:52 > 0:01:54You're in!
0:01:54 > 0:01:55You're in!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57OK. Baby.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04GAVEL BANGS
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Counsel for the defence
0:02:06 > 0:02:08will now make her closing statement.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
0:02:12 > 0:02:13my client, Mr Wolf,
0:02:13 > 0:02:17has been accused of horrible crimes.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- That's my baby. - Destruction of property...
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Ha-ha-ha! - I know that's right.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22But he is innocent of both.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Objection! Speculative.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27JUDGE: I'll allow it.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Proceed.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30The state has not presented
0:02:30 > 0:02:32a single shred of conclusive evidence.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37Yes, there is a house made of sticks and one of straw,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40but they were both built to code.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43That being said,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45a huff and a puff
0:02:45 > 0:02:46is not enough.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Let me hear you say it.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50ALL: A huff and a puff is not enough.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Objection!
0:02:52 > 0:02:53JUDGE: To what?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Rhyming?
0:02:55 > 0:02:56GAVEL BANGS
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Mr Foreman, have you reached a decision?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01We have, your honour.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02We find the defendant
0:03:02 > 0:03:04not guilty.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08CHEERING
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Oh!
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Yes!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Urgh!
0:03:13 > 0:03:14Congratulations.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Thank you.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- Congratulations. - Thanks, Katie.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- My turn! - Oh.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Daddy's girl!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Ha-ha, baby!
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Oh. Grrr.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Baby girl, you knocked it out of the park.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Thank you.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32But you do know he was guilty, right?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Dad, this is legal theory. Everything's not just black and white.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36There are shades of grey.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Grey's just guilty with a good excuse.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39No, actually, it's just...
0:03:39 > 0:03:41OK, OK, OK, OK. You both have interesting points,
0:03:41 > 0:03:42but the trial is over.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Now, Mama's rule is we go home and celebrate.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Ooh, yes! OK. Wait. I got to get something
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- out of my locker. - OK.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49- Oh, excuse me! - Oh, my goodness.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Oh, Miss Porter. Well done.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Wow! Thank you, your honour.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Your teacher mentioned you're interested in my alma mater.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Georgetown? Yes, sir.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Although it doesn't matter, because I've been wait-listed.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02You know, an old classmate of mine
0:04:02 > 0:04:03work in admissions at Georgetown.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04No guarantees, but I...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I could give him a call.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- Ah! Oh, my goodness! - Oof!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- Thank you, thank you, thank you! - I'll take that as a yes.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13You're obstructing my airway.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Yeah, they're going to love my special sauce. Ha!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Smells good, babe.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Oh. Thank you, thank you.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Ah-he-he-hem!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Everything all right?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Albert just beat me at chess - again!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28ALBERT GRUNTS
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Stop gloating, Albert.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Nobody likes a sore winner.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34HE SNORTS
0:04:34 > 0:04:39I need 13CC of orange juice, please.
0:04:39 > 0:04:4113CC coming right up, baby.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Thank you, Mother.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49He's playing chess with a pig.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51He's just going through a phase.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55A phase is when they want to be a cowboy. Trey's got issues.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Now, hold up, now.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Kids with high IQS, they got big imaginations.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01And something about that pig,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03he keeps eyeballing me like I'm cooking his cousin.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Pig ain't eyeballing you.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06HE SNORTS
0:05:06 > 0:05:08See? He's doing it right now!
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Baby, look. Look! He's doing it right...
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- He's doing... - What?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14It's all in your head, James.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Little Houdini pig.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Ain't no Houdini nothing over there.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Do what you got to do.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20HE SNORTS AND SQUEALS
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Wonderful!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- Really? I feel like a house. - Oh, girl.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Oh, there's our superstar.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Hi, Mr and Mrs O'Malley.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30I'm so sorry I can't join you tonight.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Celebrating, I hope, huh?
0:05:31 > 0:05:35I'm just hanging out with a couple of mock-trial friends at the library.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Total rager.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38That's my baby. That's my baby.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40CAR HORN HONKS And that's my cue.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I'll be back by curfew! Promise!
0:05:43 > 0:05:46OK. Good night. Good night.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47She is a pip.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Hey.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53All clear?
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Not yet.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Wait for the first wave.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01ALL: Bye!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Second wave.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11ALL: Bye!
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Forward - party!
0:06:21 > 0:06:22- Party! - Party!
0:06:22 > 0:06:24TYRES SQUEAL Whoo!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26LOUD MUSIC PLAYS
0:06:26 > 0:06:30SCREAMING AND CHEERING
0:06:32 > 0:06:35So, any parenting advice for us?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37What would you like to know?
0:06:37 > 0:06:38We want a daughter like Melanie.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I mean, just tell us. I mean, not that I'm nervous.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42You know, it's not that I'm nervous.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Ohh!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- He's just... - I'm sorry.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Relax. Raising a daughter is easy.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Take me and Melanie. We got a solid relationship.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54There's nothing we can't talk about.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Oh, are you kidding? I can't tell that man anything.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I say left, he says right.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00I say defence attorney,
0:07:00 > 0:07:03he says prepaid excuse-maker.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Ohh! That man is so rigid.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06BOTH: Rigid.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I'm flexible.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11As Melanie's grown, I've grown with her.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13He still treats me like a kid!
0:07:13 > 0:07:15You clearly need to take your mind off things
0:07:15 > 0:07:18and come on our college tour this weekend.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Saturday, we're staying at my sister's sorority at the University of Pittsburgh.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24And we can even hit up Georgetown. It's not that far!
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Oh, my goodness, you guys, I would love to,
0:07:26 > 0:07:28but I don't think my dad will let me.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29ALL: Lame!
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Hey, girls!
0:07:31 > 0:07:32GIRLS: Hey, hunter.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Hunter in the house.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37GIRLS: We don't say that anymore.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39I'm bringing it back!
0:07:39 > 0:07:40OK!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42So it might be emotional, and there might be tears,
0:07:42 > 0:07:45but that's why they call it tough love.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Now, once they're potty-trained -
0:07:47 > 0:07:50uh-uh-uh! Baby, I think we've had enough parenting talk
0:07:50 > 0:07:51for tonight, hmm?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53You're absolutely right.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Why tell them when I could show them?
0:07:55 > 0:07:56- Uh-uh. No. - Huh? Huh?
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Ta-daa!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Welcome to the James Porter School of Raising Kids.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08Our motto is, "Be there, take video." Ha-ha!
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Which one?
0:08:09 > 0:08:10# La-la-la-la La-la-la-la... #
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- Wow. - Super.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14All righty. Ah!
0:08:14 > 0:08:17My name is Melanie Porter, and I'm six years old.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Ta-da! Whee!
0:08:20 > 0:08:21That's my baby.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Whee!
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Yeah. Yeah.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Dad, I can't move my legs.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27I can't pedal.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:08:30 > 0:08:35(In the future, all video will be implanted in our brains.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38(Perfect.)
0:08:44 > 0:08:47BEEP-BEEP!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57HE SNORTS
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Why do you keep eyeballing me?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Seeing the O'Malleys tonight
0:09:12 > 0:09:14reminded me of when I was pregnant with Melanie.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Doesn't seem that long ago.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17I can tell you one thing,
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I was not as uptight as him.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Oh, you were my rock -
0:09:23 > 0:09:25right until they wheeled me into that delivery room.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Then you passed out.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29No, I did not pass out.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I just didn't get a nap that day.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Well, it all worked out.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34We got great kids.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36That's why I can sleep at night.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Mmm.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- Good night. - Good night, baby.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40All right.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52SNORTING
0:09:52 > 0:09:53Back! The pig!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Look! Look!
0:09:55 > 0:09:57There's nothing there.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Go to sleep.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Little Houdini. He was ju...
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Do what you gotta do.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11BIRDS CHIRPING
0:10:12 > 0:10:14MELANIE: Daaaaad!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16- Aah! - Aah!
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Mom! > Hold on!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Dad! Hurry up, please! >
0:10:22 > 0:10:25< Mom, Dad, hurry!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27< I can't believe it!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Mel?!
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Melanie, what is it?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33BEEP
0:10:33 > 0:10:34'Miss Porter, Judge Mehagian calling.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39'The Georgetown admissions committee is interviewing a select few students from the wait list.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41'You'll need to be in DC this Monday at four.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43'Congratulations, and have a lovely trip.'
0:10:43 > 0:10:44BEEP
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Whoo!
0:10:46 > 0:10:47- Aah! - Ohh!
0:10:47 > 0:10:50SQUEALING Ohh! Ohh!
0:10:50 > 0:10:53# Whoo, whoo, whoo whoo, whoo, whoo. #
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Whoo!
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Little bro, what are you so excited about?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59I'm gonna turn your room into a science lab!
0:10:59 > 0:11:01JAMES: 'For all of you who don't know, we live near Chicago.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03'Georgetown is in Washington, DC
0:11:03 > 0:11:06'that's 700 miles away from home.'
0:11:06 > 0:11:08MELANIE AND Mom: Georgetown!
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Happy dance!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:11:11 > 0:11:12# Chicka ooh ahh. #
0:11:12 > 0:11:15SQUEALING Whoa!
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Oh, my goodness. You guys, no, wait. He said Monday. That's in three days.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20You know what? We should drive there.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21We should make a trip of it.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Trip? What trip?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Oh, Monday. What?
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Baby, I got two open houses this weekend.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Heh heh.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30OK. No, but that's OK, that's OK.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Katie and Nancy are taking their own little trip.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Oh, my goodness! I could go with them.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37They can drop me off. It's only a couple of hours from DC
0:11:37 > 0:11:40SCREAMING Perfect. Problem solved.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I am so proud of you!
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Thank you, Mommy! Thank you!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Happy dance! HONKS HORN
0:11:45 > 0:11:46- Hey! - Hey!
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I'm going to Georgetown!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50SCREAMING
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Katie and Nancy.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Goodbye, Mom! SCREAMING
0:11:54 > 0:11:56You girls be safe!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58CHANTING: Georgetown, Georgetown, Georgetown!
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- Come on, baby. Come on. - Perfect? Problem solved?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05What happened to our big plan? We agreed on Northwestern.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Did you even know she applied to Georgetown?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10I helped her fill out the application.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12What?! Whose side are you on?
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Both of yours.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15And put down that bat.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Look. You can't be on both of our sides.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Baby, Georgetown is a great school.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22We don't know anyone there.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24How will she begin to take care of herself?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Because you're an amazing father, and you showed her right from wrong,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30and taught her how to think for herself and be strong.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32She's ready for this because of you.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Nice try, Michelle,
0:12:33 > 0:12:37but you and I both know, it's nothing nice out there.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I know this is hard for you, but she is not a little girl anymore.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43OK? You got to relax. I'll see you at dinner.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45I'll show you relaxed.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Are you sure you can't go out Saturday night?
0:12:50 > 0:12:54My best friend from college is gonna be in town, and let me tell you this,
0:12:54 > 0:12:55the Wizard is the party master!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Party master?
0:12:58 > 0:12:59GUNSHOTS
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Wasn't college the best?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Total freedom to do whatever you want.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04What?!
0:13:04 > 0:13:07I had my parents convinced I was an oceanography major
0:13:07 > 0:13:11for a whole year, just so they'd pay for spring break in Mexico.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Mexico?!
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Oh, man. When I think back to half the stuff I did in college,
0:13:17 > 0:13:20there's no way I'm letting my kid out of my sight
0:13:20 > 0:13:22when she goes off to college. Not a chance.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- Aah! - Aah!
0:13:26 > 0:13:28LAUGHING
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Everything OK, Chief?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I got everything under control.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35LAUGHING
0:13:35 > 0:13:38CONTINUES LAUGHING
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I'm taking three days off. Ha ha ha ha!
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I hope he doesn't do something crazy.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45# We're going on a road trip, a road trip
0:13:45 > 0:13:47# A road trip. #
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Whoo! (LAUGHS)
0:13:50 > 0:13:52You guys, we should start really early tomorrow
0:13:52 > 0:13:55because I cannot believe we're actually going.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57I can't believe your Dad's actually allowing you to go.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59I've been working with him for 17 years,
0:13:59 > 0:14:01and he knows, you can be chief at the station,
0:14:01 > 0:14:03but you have to be Dad at home.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05That's right. You tell him exactly that, OK?
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Thank you very much!
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Ohh... Surprise! Ha ha!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Road trip, road trip!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14# Yeah, unh, unh, unh. #
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- Oh, no. - Oh, no.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Mom, this is crazy.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Have you seen the thing that we're driving in?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21It's gonna be like a 1,000-mile ride-along.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24No. No. My life is a 1,000-mile ride-along.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Why is he doing this to me?
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Because he loves you and he wants to spend time with you.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32This is cruelty.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33What would make it less painful?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38You said she could stay at the sorority house?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Her friends are gonna be with Katie's sister at Pitt.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Baby, that's right near your Mama's house,
0:14:43 > 0:14:45where you're planning on staying tomorrow, anyway.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Look. This is daddy-daughter time, Michelle.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49I got a lot planned for us.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I shouldn't have to share.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Why are you taking this trip anyway, James?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55I told you, to support Melanie.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Well, good. Because if this is one of your crazy schemes
0:14:58 > 0:15:03to keep her at home, that would be real bad, James.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06I got it all under control.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Are you going to DC?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Yeah.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I need you to take a message to the secretary of defence.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15It reads...
0:15:15 > 0:15:18"Dear Sir, I've created a species
0:15:18 > 0:15:21"of super pigs to defend the country from our enemies."
0:15:21 > 0:15:24You're gonna have to give that to him yourself,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27and you may want to housebreak your pig first.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Already done.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30TOILET FLUSHING
0:15:30 > 0:15:33GRUNTING
0:15:35 > 0:15:38GRUNTING
0:15:41 > 0:15:44MAN ON TV: 'Welcome to Animal Kingdom.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49'Gazelles are among nature's most social and emotional creatures.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52'They look after each other for any signs of danger.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56'The gazelle family stays together
0:15:56 > 0:15:57'for as long as they live.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01'Oh, how father loves his little gazelle daughter.'
0:16:01 > 0:16:03That's what I'm talking about.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07'If only humans could embrace this wildlife lesson.'
0:16:15 > 0:16:18# There's a double Dutch bus coming down the street
0:16:18 > 0:16:22# Moving pretty fast, so kindly shuffle your feet
0:16:22 > 0:16:25# Get on the bus and pay your fare
0:16:25 > 0:16:27# And tell the driver that you're going
0:16:27 > 0:16:29# To the double Dutch affair. #
0:16:29 > 0:16:31GIGGLES
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I love you, Daddy!
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Mm.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Where does the time go?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Bye, Daddy. Bye.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Where's Trey?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Oh, he left an hour ago for his science club.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00It's a all-day field trip. I'll pick him up after work.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03For Christmas, that boy gets a karate suit and nothing else.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Look, you be good, now, OK?
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Mmm. I'm gonna miss you.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10All right. You, too, baby. Be safe.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Baby, you call me, now, if you have any problems.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14I'll be fine.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15I was talking to Melanie.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Time to go, Mel Bear!
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Ah. They are gonna kill each other.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28THE JACKSON FIVE: # Ba ba ba ba boo
0:17:28 > 0:17:29# Da da da da da da
0:17:29 > 0:17:32# You went to school to learn, girl
0:17:32 > 0:17:35# What you never, never knew before
0:17:35 > 0:17:37# Like I before E except after C
0:17:37 > 0:17:38# Why two plus two makes four
0:17:38 > 0:17:42# Now, now, now I'm gonna teach you... #
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- Isn't this exciting? - Yeah.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47I put together a little road trip kit.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51I call it miles o' fun.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55We got travel bingo, travel Scrabble,
0:17:55 > 0:17:59travel dominos, and for your musical enjoyment...
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Daddy-daughter groove machine?
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Double Dutch bus.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06We used to sing it in the car all the time.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Play it, play it, play it.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10We was doin' da da doo...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13# Give me a ho if you got... #
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Give me a ho! Ha ha ha!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17There it is.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20# The double Dutch bus going down the street
0:18:20 > 0:18:22# And we've got to realise
0:18:22 > 0:18:24# If you don't know what you
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Ha ha ha!
0:18:26 > 0:18:27Oh, I love this song.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29I don't remember.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Oh, come on. This was our song.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Sorry. I just don't remember.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Eh, that's all right. We can just talk.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Talk? About what?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Father-daughter talks.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43We're gonna get deep, too.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- Deep? - Real deep.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47I mean, like, deeper than deep, you know what I mean?
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Stuff that only we can get deep about.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Ha ha ha ha!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Deeeep. Ha ha ha!
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Yeah. I just hope 700 miles gives us enough time.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Dad!
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Oh, my goodness. Look where we are - Northwestern.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Dad, what are you doing?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Nothing. What?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11This is supposed to be the Georgetown express.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Mel, you have to see more than one college
0:19:14 > 0:19:16on a college road trip. What's the harm?
0:19:16 > 0:19:19The harm is we have a lot of ground to cover,
0:19:19 > 0:19:21and I've already seen Northwestern.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Not as a potential student.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Come on. Flow with me.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Flow with me, Mel, flow with me.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Ha ha ha ha!
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Look at this place!
0:19:31 > 0:19:36Oh, look at the trees, the fields!
0:19:36 > 0:19:40It's like a four-star resort with some books and learning!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Dad, just don't embarrass me, OK?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44# Go, cats, number one
0:19:44 > 0:19:46# Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. #
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Unbelievable.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48# Oh, yeah, oh, yea... #
0:19:48 > 0:19:53Oh, Mel! Cats, baby! Number one! Mel!
0:19:53 > 0:19:56MAN: And that's how in 1853
0:19:56 > 0:19:59the university named the surrounding town Evanston
0:19:59 > 0:20:01in honour of its founder John Evans.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04He was a doctor and a builder
0:20:04 > 0:20:06and boring, boring, boring. Questions?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Uh. Mm.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- Are you sure? - Yes. Please, please, please.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Go ahead.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Hi. Doug Greenhut BPT -
0:20:15 > 0:20:18booster parent in training.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
0:20:20 > 0:20:23We're up here from Orlando on our big college road trip.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Oh. This is Wendy, my daughter.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30Hi. I'm Wendy Greenhut, CST - college student in training.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32You have a question, Tinkerbell?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Oh. I was just wondering, when is parents weekend?
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Early November.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40What?! That's three months after school starts.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Any other riveting questions?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Uhh!
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Yes, Mr School Spirit with the foam finger.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Disregard his sarcastic tone... James.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56How does Northwestern compare to other universities,
0:20:56 > 0:20:58like Georgetown, for example?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Georgetown? Ha! We're better than Georgetown.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Excuse me. Hypothetically speaking,
0:21:04 > 0:21:06if your dad was an overprotective control freak
0:21:06 > 0:21:08and lived 40 miles away from Northwestern,
0:21:08 > 0:21:11then would you go to Georgetown?
0:21:11 > 0:21:12ALL: Yeah.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Who said that? Who said it?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16I knew this was a bad idea.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Ohh!
0:21:23 > 0:21:26I'm so sorry. Are you OK?
0:21:26 > 0:21:27I am now.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Hi. I'm Nick.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34I don't think I've seen you around before.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38No. I was just checking out the campus.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40How about a personal tour?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Personal tour of what?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Uh, Dad, this is Nick.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Nick, this is my dad.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I was just about to show Melanie around campus.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49I don't have a problem with that.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- What?! - I trust you.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Besides, something about this school feels safe.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Meet me back at the student union when you're done.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58You kids have fun.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Can we see the rest of this beautiful school?
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Okey-dokey!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- Okey-dokey! - You go, girl!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06LAUGHTER: DOUG: Ah, James,
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Wow! I wish my Dad was that cool.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13Huh?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- Shall we go? - Lead the way.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Wow!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Wow! No, I'm serious.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I can't believe that was just the science library.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I'm telling you, this campus is like...
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Yeah, I know. It's amazing.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30I just kind of want to get away from the nest, you know?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Look, I hear you, but the way I look at it,
0:22:32 > 0:22:34you have your whole life to do that.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36I mean, my parents live less than an hour away,
0:22:36 > 0:22:37and it's awesome.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41I mean, I got a place to cram for exams when I need privacy,
0:22:41 > 0:22:44free laundry, home-cooked meals whenever I want.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Going to college close to home is where it's at.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49You really sound like my Dad.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50Well, the Chief's a pretty smart guy.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Hey, Nick. Can you, er...
0:22:55 > 0:22:57can you get me a lemonade?
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Don't you go changing.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Don't you go changing.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07"Chief's a pretty smart guy."
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Oh, it's on.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15It's on.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21So what do you do if you encounter an individual resisting arrest?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Well, er, we have Tasers.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24No. Forget a Taser.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27It's not gonna subdue any real criminals.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30MELANIE: Dad! Dad!
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Looks like somebody's having a good time.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Having a good time, Daddy, great time!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35It was awesome! It was off the chain!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37What have I been trying to tell you?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40I don't know why I wasn't listening. So we went to the library,
0:23:40 > 0:23:42- but we went to a frat party. - Frat party?
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Let me tell you what happened.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47I was like, " I don't want to go. I have to think about school," but he was like, "Come on. Let's go."
0:23:47 > 0:23:49I said, "OK, for sure!" So we went to the party.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Crazy, man! Crazy!
0:23:50 > 0:23:53There was a Jell-o pool, and everybody was just diving in it.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I was like, "I can't take it."
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Amazing. Northwestern - this is where it's at right here.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59Where's Nick?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01He was crumping, and he broke out his back.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04You know, like that. It was crazy. NICK: Melanie! Whoo-hoo!
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I got your lemonade...
0:24:06 > 0:24:09TASER ZAPS Ay, ay, ay, aah!
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Sip on that. Sip on that.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Ooh! Pardon me, Ma'am, I didn't see you there.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15See, I just transferred from Georgetown university,
0:24:15 > 0:24:19where I was stabbed in the eye
0:24:19 > 0:24:21at Georgetown!
0:24:24 > 0:24:26You've got to be kidding me.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Stuart, she knows. It's over.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Everybody go on about your business. This is done.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Finito. Disperse.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38You got to be kidding. We get paid, right?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Are you kidding me?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Hey, how do I get this cast off?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46I can't believe you tried to trick me like that.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I am a good girl. I listen to you and Mom,
0:24:49 > 0:24:51I do well in school. What's the worst thing I've done?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Dance around with my friends at a party?
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Party?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56When did you go to a party?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58CELL PHONE RINGS Ooh. Phone.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00If that's your Mom,
0:25:00 > 0:25:03tell her we're having a good time, all right?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05OK. Hello?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Oh, my gosh. The cutest guy just drove by us, and Katie was like...
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Ooh. And he was like, "Eww."
0:25:09 > 0:25:11- And we were like "Whatever." - "Whatever."
0:25:11 > 0:25:13So, how's family bonding?
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Oh, it's great. Yeah, we just left Northwestern,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18and, er, my Dad Tasered one of his own deputies.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19GIRLS LAUGHING
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Congratulations. Congratulations.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- Nancy says congratulations. - Thank you, Nancy.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26He says thank you.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29No. He can't hear what you said.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32I know. (LAUGHS)
0:25:34 > 0:25:38I know! I know. (LAUGHS)
0:25:42 > 0:25:46I know! I know!
0:25:46 > 0:25:47BEEPING
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Oh, girl, my battery's dying.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- Hold on. - Thank you.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Hello? Yes, I'm back.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Ha ha! Where were we?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I know!
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Are you serious?
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Construction?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Ohh, we're off schedule as it is.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21We're never gonna be able to make it to Pitt in time.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- We're gonna have to use the siren. - Absolutely not.
0:26:24 > 0:26:25No-one touches my siren.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29Dad, desperate times calls for desperate measures.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Mel, getting to a slumber party is not an emergency, OK?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Now reach in my bag and hand me P-GIPS.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37What's P-GIPS?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Police global positioning system.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Why don't you just call it police GPS?
0:26:42 > 0:26:43Because its name is P-GIPS.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45OK, Dad. Here you go.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Ah, there you go. P-GIPS.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49Oh, P-GIPS.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53P-GIPS, route fastest time to I-23.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Calculating distance to I-23.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Thank you, P-GIPS.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- Thank you. - No. Thank you.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- Thank you. - Ha ha! No. Thank you.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Thank you.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Ha!
0:27:13 > 0:27:15# Do do do do
0:27:15 > 0:27:17# Do do do do
0:27:17 > 0:27:19# Do do do do... #
0:27:19 > 0:27:21At the next intersection, turn right.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25P-GIPS. Ha ha ha!
0:27:27 > 0:27:30At the next intersection, turn right.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32# Do do do do
0:27:32 > 0:27:36# Why can't we be friends? #
0:27:36 > 0:27:39At the next intersection, turn right. GARBLED
0:27:39 > 0:27:42BEEPING Turn right. Turn right.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Dad, I think P-GIPS is broken
0:27:43 > 0:27:46because my map says that we're supposed to be going the other way.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49You're gonna believe a piece of paper or a 40 million satellite?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I bet Grandma's right around the corner. Turn right.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Unh! Oh.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57AIR HISSES
0:27:57 > 0:28:00WOLF HOWLS
0:28:00 > 0:28:03I love what Grandma's done with the place.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05P-GIPS: Thank you!
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Ah, this is nothing. Don't worry. I'll have this fixed
0:28:08 > 0:28:11and we'll be back on the tiny dirt path in no time.
0:28:17 > 0:28:18Trey, what are you doing?
0:28:18 > 0:28:23Going to DC, you told me to take the note to the secretary myself.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Have you been in here the whole time? Boy, you could have suffocated.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30I built an air ventilation system. I could have survived for weeks.
0:28:30 > 0:28:31I meant, we could have survived.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33You're lucky to survive into next week
0:28:33 > 0:28:36once your mother and I get through with you.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38No service.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41You just bought yourself a stay of execution, boy.
0:28:41 > 0:28:42SQUEALS
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Ennchhh.
0:28:48 > 0:28:49Ccchh.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59TREY: Come on, Albert. Dad, what are we gonna do with him?
0:28:59 > 0:29:01I have the most important interview of my life,
0:29:01 > 0:29:03and I don't want Einstein and Porky along for the ride.
0:29:03 > 0:29:07What do you want me to do, Mel? We're in the middle of nowhere.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10We could leave them in the woods and a nice family of wolves will adopt them.
0:29:11 > 0:29:12Dad, Dad! Oh!
0:29:12 > 0:29:14Ohh!
0:29:18 > 0:29:20P-GIPS: Thank you!
0:29:24 > 0:29:26SIREN WHOOPS AND DIES
0:29:26 > 0:29:27Ehh! Ehh!
0:29:30 > 0:29:33Dad, what are you doing?
0:29:33 > 0:29:35I'm just gonna rock this thing over,
0:29:35 > 0:29:37and we'll be on our way.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39I just need a little momentum.
0:29:39 > 0:29:40One...
0:29:40 > 0:29:42Two...
0:29:42 > 0:29:43Ohh! Ohh! BACK CRACKS
0:29:44 > 0:29:47WHIMPERS
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Something popped.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51Something popped.
0:29:51 > 0:29:53Dad, you need the man girdle thing you wear?
0:29:53 > 0:29:55I thought that was Mom's.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58ALBERT SQUEALS
0:29:58 > 0:30:01- Now what's his problem? - I think he hears something.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03What is it, Albert? Do you hear something?
0:30:03 > 0:30:04OINK OINK
0:30:04 > 0:30:06Is it trouble? OINK OINK
0:30:06 > 0:30:07Is it a fire? OINK OINK:
0:30:07 > 0:30:09Is Jimmy stuck in the well?
0:30:09 > 0:30:13SQUEALING Jimmy!
0:30:13 > 0:30:15He's been watching a lot of Lassie reruns.
0:30:15 > 0:30:16SNORTING
0:30:16 > 0:30:18Albert says there's a road up ahead.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20I think I see a road over there.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22Aha! Albert was right!
0:30:22 > 0:30:24GRUNTING
0:30:42 > 0:30:45See, Mel? Told you everything was gonna work out.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47This place looks nice.
0:30:49 > 0:30:50Oh, no pets allowed.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Looks like Albert has a problem.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54But, Dad, Albert's a member of this family.
0:30:54 > 0:30:55Not by blood.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57Now, this is the only hotel for 30 miles.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00We don't have a car, and I'm tired.
0:31:00 > 0:31:02WHIMPERING
0:31:06 > 0:31:09OK. Do you have any ideas?
0:31:09 > 0:31:12I have a thought.
0:31:12 > 0:31:14MAN: I am dumping a lot of coin on this wedding!
0:31:14 > 0:31:16I was told that they'd be throwing rice
0:31:16 > 0:31:18at my little angel.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20Yeah, I know.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23- Hi. - Hi. How can I help?
0:31:23 > 0:31:26We'd like a couple of rooms for the evening.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28OK. How many are in your party?
0:31:28 > 0:31:30Uh, just me, my two kids, and the baby.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32BLLCHH
0:31:32 > 0:31:34Oh, somebody's getting hungry.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36- I just gave you a bottle. Yes, I did. - I know.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38Didn't I just give him a bottle?
0:31:38 > 0:31:40He did. That is a hungry baby.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42Yeah. He's kind of a pig. OINK
0:31:45 > 0:31:47CELL PHONE RINGS
0:31:47 > 0:31:49Michelle Porter.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51Hey, James, baby.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Trey is where?!
0:31:53 > 0:31:56Oh. Congratulations on your dream home.
0:31:56 > 0:31:57I'll fax you the paperwork.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59Put him on the phone!
0:31:59 > 0:32:02- It's for you. - Could you take a message?
0:32:04 > 0:32:06Hello?
0:32:06 > 0:32:08You are in big trouble, mister.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10I hope you know how to build a time machine,
0:32:10 > 0:32:13because you are not coming out the house until the year 3000.
0:32:13 > 0:32:17I'll draw up some plans with Albert, but I can't promise anything.
0:32:17 > 0:32:21Trey, this is the most dangerous thing you've ever done.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23I'm sorry, Mommy.
0:32:23 > 0:32:24'I know you are, baby.'
0:32:24 > 0:32:27'Let me talk to your Daddy. Love you.'
0:32:29 > 0:32:32- Hey, baby. - So are all of you all right?
0:32:32 > 0:32:34Baby, we just had some trouble with the car.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36No more tricks, James.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38And feed my kids!
0:32:40 > 0:32:44You know, Sigmund Freud said the best way to understand women
0:32:44 > 0:32:45is by listening to them.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47Yeah, but did he say anything
0:32:47 > 0:32:49about understanding ten-year-olds?
0:32:49 > 0:32:51Because you and the pig is loopin' me.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53I'm confused.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55Albert, go start the bath.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57GRUNTING
0:32:57 > 0:33:01If you need us, we'll be playing chess.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03FAUCET TURNS ON
0:33:03 > 0:33:05Albert, that's enough bubbles.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08Knight takes rook.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13Hmm. Interesting.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15Used your bishop as a decoy. Smart.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17GRUNTING
0:33:17 > 0:33:19What are you doing?
0:33:19 > 0:33:21Just fixing my hair, about to get ready.
0:33:21 > 0:33:26Look, Mel, I know you must be upset about missing the sleepover,
0:33:26 > 0:33:29but for whatever it's worth, I was totally cool with it.
0:33:29 > 0:33:32Thanks, Dad. Uh...
0:33:32 > 0:33:33Whoa. What are you doing?
0:33:33 > 0:33:35- Making coffee. - Caffeine is a drug.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38You don't take drugs. End of story.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Dad, why do you insist on treating me like a child?
0:33:45 > 0:33:48Well, because according to the law, you are one.
0:33:48 > 0:33:51How's it going?
0:33:57 > 0:33:59DOOR CLOSES
0:34:02 > 0:34:05Think you got enough stuff, Melanie?
0:34:08 > 0:34:10Passion? She better not be...
0:34:10 > 0:34:12BOTTLE SHATTERS
0:34:15 > 0:34:17MAN ON TV: '...with consistent showers for the next few days.'
0:34:17 > 0:34:20WOMAN ON TV: 'Thanks, Nick. Sounds like we have a rainy week ahead!
0:34:20 > 0:34:25'Don't forget your umbrellas. After the break, how coffee makes you smarter.'
0:34:25 > 0:34:28SNORTS
0:34:30 > 0:34:32CHEWING
0:34:33 > 0:34:35APPLAUSE
0:34:35 > 0:34:36CHEERING
0:34:36 > 0:34:38BAND PLAYS "IT HAD TO BE YOU"
0:34:44 > 0:34:49# It had to be you
0:34:49 > 0:34:51# It had to be you
0:34:51 > 0:34:5210,000!
0:34:52 > 0:34:57# I wandered around and finally found
0:34:57 > 0:35:00# The somebody who... #
0:35:00 > 0:35:02TREY: Dad, Dad! GARGLING
0:35:02 > 0:35:05GARGLING What is it?
0:35:05 > 0:35:07Dad, it's an emergency!
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Where's the fire?
0:35:09 > 0:35:11There's something wrong with Albert.
0:35:11 > 0:35:14ALBERT SQUEALS
0:35:14 > 0:35:15What's up with him?
0:35:15 > 0:35:18Just guessing, but he might have eaten all the coffee beans you threw away.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21MAN: Room service. I got cookies for the...
0:35:21 > 0:35:23GASPS
0:35:23 > 0:35:25TREY: Oh, no!
0:35:25 > 0:35:27Unh!
0:35:27 > 0:35:29JAMES: Trey, stay put. The pig's gone crazy!
0:35:29 > 0:35:31< Albert, get back here!
0:35:31 > 0:35:32MELANIE: Albert!
0:35:32 > 0:35:34Get the pig, get the pig!
0:35:35 > 0:35:39Where did he go? Where did he go?
0:35:39 > 0:35:41Little Houdini pig.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43- Ohh! - Oh!
0:35:45 > 0:35:47There he is.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49SQUEALS
0:35:49 > 0:35:52Ohh! Looks like we got ourselves a wedding crasher.
0:35:52 > 0:35:53I'm on it.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56Settle down. Settle down.
0:35:56 > 0:35:57Thank you, thank you, thank you.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00At this time, I'd like to make a toast
0:36:00 > 0:36:04to my little angel and my new son-in-law Ted.
0:36:04 > 0:36:08And, Teddy, you had better take care of my little girl
0:36:08 > 0:36:10because she is an absolute...
0:36:10 > 0:36:12- Pig! - Pig.
0:36:12 > 0:36:13GUESTS: Ohh!
0:36:13 > 0:36:15Excuse me?
0:36:16 > 0:36:17SQUEALS
0:36:17 > 0:36:18Oh.
0:36:18 > 0:36:20LAUGHTER: Ohh...
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- Pudding! - Daddy!
0:36:23 > 0:36:24Get that pig! Get it, get it, get it!
0:36:24 > 0:36:26Get him!
0:36:28 > 0:36:30What's wrong with you guys?
0:36:30 > 0:36:32No, Albert!
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Albert! Albert!
0:36:34 > 0:36:36Ted, don't just lay there. Get up and get him!
0:36:36 > 0:36:37Albert, get back here!
0:36:37 > 0:36:40Aah!
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Aah!
0:36:43 > 0:36:45GUEST SHOUT ALBERT SQUEALS
0:36:45 > 0:36:47Get him down!
0:36:49 > 0:36:51My Cinderella wedding is ruined!
0:36:51 > 0:36:53I'm sorry, but look, I didn't want a pig.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56I told the wife, I said, get a little...
0:36:56 > 0:36:57So this is your pig?
0:36:57 > 0:37:02Well, it's my little boy's pig. He-he... Albert, down, Albert!
0:37:02 > 0:37:03WAHOO!
0:37:03 > 0:37:05Get him!
0:37:07 > 0:37:09GASPING AND SNORTING
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Albert!
0:37:18 > 0:37:19Ohh...
0:37:22 > 0:37:23Ohh!
0:37:23 > 0:37:25SCREAMING
0:37:28 > 0:37:29BRIDE: Daddy!
0:37:34 > 0:37:37JAMES: # Rise and shine! #
0:37:37 > 0:37:42Ah. We got to roll. Time to go.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44There's a gas station 40 miles up the road.
0:37:44 > 0:37:48Got to get some food in you. Who's up for pigs in a blanket?
0:37:48 > 0:37:49SQUEALS What?
0:37:49 > 0:37:53(LAUGHS) No. I'm not...
0:37:53 > 0:37:56OK. Whatever.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58SIGHS What a night.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01They gonna have one wild wedding video.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Well, at least we know when times are rough
0:38:04 > 0:38:06the Porters know how to rally together, right?
0:38:06 > 0:38:07Yeah.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10That's right. The Porters will rally.
0:38:10 > 0:38:11BELL JINGLES
0:38:11 > 0:38:13- Oh, ho ho! - I don't believe it!
0:38:13 > 0:38:15Aah!
0:38:15 > 0:38:17Shiver me timbers. Ha ha ha!
0:38:17 > 0:38:18Hee hee hee!
0:38:18 > 0:38:21In the words of my favourite ride ever,
0:38:21 > 0:38:23it's a small world after all.
0:38:23 > 0:38:25What are you guys doing here?
0:38:25 > 0:38:28Well, me and the little cowgirl... BOTH MAKE GUNSHOT SOUND
0:38:28 > 0:38:31Just picking up a dozen doughnuts before we hit the ROAD-EO.
0:38:31 > 0:38:32What about you?
0:38:32 > 0:38:35We just had a little trouble with the car.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38- Ohh... - Ohh...
0:38:39 > 0:38:41(WHISPERS)
0:38:41 > 0:38:43(CHUCKLES)
0:38:43 > 0:38:47Well, new friend, your luck just changed.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49# Oh, we wish you a Merry Christmas
0:38:49 > 0:38:52# We wish you a Merry Christmas
0:38:52 > 0:38:56# We wish you a Merry Christmas
0:38:56 > 0:38:58# And a happy New Year! #
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Oh! Ho ho!
0:39:00 > 0:39:03I just love Christmas carols, don't you?
0:39:03 > 0:39:05Just give me a chorus of Joy To The World
0:39:05 > 0:39:07and I'm as mad as a hatter! (CACKLES)
0:39:07 > 0:39:09(They're crazy.)
0:39:09 > 0:39:10I know but don't do that.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13So, JP, looking forward to the big day?
0:39:13 > 0:39:15What day is that?
0:39:15 > 0:39:17The day our precious little ones shuffle off to Buffalo.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20I got to tell you this road trip has been the greatest experience
0:39:20 > 0:39:23for Wendy and I. I mean, there's just so much to talk about.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25Yeah. It's like we're getting to...
0:39:25 > 0:39:27(BOTH) Know each other all over again.
0:39:27 > 0:39:28- Jinx! - Jinx!
0:39:28 > 0:39:29# Getting to know you
0:39:29 > 0:39:33# Getting to know all about you
0:39:33 > 0:39:36# Getting to like you
0:39:36 > 0:39:37# Getting to hope you like me. #
0:39:37 > 0:39:40- I like you. - I like you, too!
0:39:40 > 0:39:42# It was an itsy bitsy
0:39:42 > 0:39:44# Teeny weenie, yellow polka dot bikini
0:39:44 > 0:39:47# That she wore for the first time today. #
0:39:47 > 0:39:50So, Melanie, what other schools are you looking at?
0:39:50 > 0:39:52Actually, I have an interview at Georgetown.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55Wow! Georgetown! Great school!
0:39:55 > 0:39:57So what would you study?
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Prelaw. I want to get into the Cooper programme.
0:39:59 > 0:40:02The Cooper programme! No way! I always wanted to go to Japan.
0:40:04 > 0:40:05J-Japan?
0:40:05 > 0:40:07What about Japan?
0:40:07 > 0:40:09Oh, sure. You study abroad at their sister school. Tokyo, right?
0:40:09 > 0:40:10Tokyo?
0:40:16 > 0:40:17Here you go.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20Hey, look, Doug,
0:40:20 > 0:40:23I really appreciate this. Can I help you out with gas money, anything?
0:40:23 > 0:40:24Gas money? Yeah.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27We charge hugs in this family.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29Ha ha ha ha!
0:40:29 > 0:40:32Ho ho ho ho! Ha ha!
0:40:32 > 0:40:35Oh, one more for luck. Ha ha ha!
0:40:39 > 0:40:40- Thank you. - You mean...
0:40:40 > 0:40:42# So long, farewell
0:40:42 > 0:40:44# Auf wiedersehen, adieu
0:40:44 > 0:40:47# Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you
0:40:47 > 0:40:49# Da da da da da da da da
0:40:49 > 0:40:50# Da da da da da! #
0:40:50 > 0:40:52See ya!
0:40:52 > 0:40:54I call shotgun! Ha ha ha!
0:40:55 > 0:40:57# Goodbye, goodbye
0:40:57 > 0:40:59# Goodbye!
0:40:59 > 0:41:02# Goodbye! #
0:41:02 > 0:41:04Goodbye!
0:41:04 > 0:41:06- Au revoir! - Adios!
0:41:06 > 0:41:08- See ya! - See ya!
0:41:08 > 0:41:10- Jinx! - Jinx!
0:41:10 > 0:41:11THEY LAUGH
0:41:11 > 0:41:13So, er, we missed the bus,
0:41:13 > 0:41:15but I did manage to get us a seat on a tour bus.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19At least there won't be any singing.
0:41:23 > 0:41:27# Sister Christian Oh, the time has come
0:41:27 > 0:41:31# And you know that you're the only one
0:41:31 > 0:41:35# To say OK. #
0:41:35 > 0:41:37Yeah. This is much better.
0:41:37 > 0:41:41# Where you going, what you looking for? #
0:41:41 > 0:41:43It's just one semester.
0:41:43 > 0:41:46It's not like I'm getting Japanese citizenship.
0:41:46 > 0:41:48You want to go halfway around the world,
0:41:48 > 0:41:50and I have to learn about it in a stranger's car?
0:41:50 > 0:41:52I'm just disappointed.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55We used to be tight.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57I'm sorry, Dad. It's just that...
0:41:57 > 0:41:59You don't tell me about Georgetown,
0:41:59 > 0:42:00you don't tell me about Japan.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03You didn't even remember our special song.
0:42:03 > 0:42:07I feel like I don't know anything about you anymore.
0:42:10 > 0:42:13What are we gonna do about them?
0:42:13 > 0:42:15APPLAUSE
0:42:22 > 0:42:25Oh, that was great. That was great. Let me just borrow the mic, sir.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27I'm next. No. I'm-let me just...
0:42:27 > 0:42:29Give me the mic, sir. Let go of the mic, sir.
0:42:32 > 0:42:33Hi, everyone.
0:42:33 > 0:42:36Hi. Uh, first, thank you so much
0:42:36 > 0:42:39for letting us on this bus.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42My family and I, we're on a very special trip,
0:42:42 > 0:42:43and I'd kind of like to sing a song
0:42:43 > 0:42:45that my father and I used to sing
0:42:45 > 0:42:47when I was little girl.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51Ahem. MUSIC PLAYS
0:42:52 > 0:42:53OK. Uh, brother,
0:42:53 > 0:42:56I'm gonna need you to give me a little bass on this one, all right?
0:42:56 > 0:42:57Like this.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum
0:43:00 > 0:43:02# Bum bum dum bum
0:43:02 > 0:43:05# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum
0:43:05 > 0:43:06Who's next?
0:43:06 > 0:43:08# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum... #
0:43:08 > 0:43:09Whoo! That's it!
0:43:09 > 0:43:11# Give me a ho if you got
0:43:11 > 0:43:13# Your funky bus fare
0:43:13 > 0:43:14# Ho # Ho
0:43:14 > 0:43:17# Double Dutch bus coming down the street
0:43:17 > 0:43:19# Movin' pretty fast
0:43:19 > 0:43:22# So kind of shuffle your feet
0:43:22 > 0:43:25# Get on the bus and pay your fare
0:43:25 > 0:43:27# And tell the driver that you're going
0:43:27 > 0:43:29# To a double Dutch affair
0:43:29 > 0:43:32# Follow me Fe fi fo fum
0:43:32 > 0:43:33# Fe fi fo fum #
0:43:33 > 0:43:35# Well, I'll be darn, here it comes
0:43:35 > 0:43:37# Well, I'll be darn, here it comes
0:43:37 > 0:43:39# The double Dutch bus is on the street
0:43:39 > 0:43:41# The double Dutch bus is on the street
0:43:41 > 0:43:44# You better get off the curb And move your feet
0:43:44 > 0:43:45# Get off the curb and move your feet
0:43:45 > 0:43:47# Say ho Ho
0:43:47 > 0:43:49# Say, ho ho Ho ho
0:43:49 > 0:43:51# Say uptown Uptown
0:43:51 > 0:43:53# Say downtown Downtown
0:43:53 > 0:43:55# On the count of three, repeat after me
0:43:55 > 0:43:57# One, two, three
0:43:57 > 0:43:59# Bip bop bip alakazam
0:43:59 > 0:44:01# But only when you're moving With a double Dutch man
0:44:01 > 0:44:03# Bip bop bip alakazam
0:44:03 > 0:44:05# But only when you're moving With a double Dutch man
0:44:05 > 0:44:07# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum
0:44:07 > 0:44:09# Bum bum dum bum
0:44:09 > 0:44:11# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum
0:44:11 > 0:44:13# Bum bum dum bum
0:44:13 > 0:44:15# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum
0:44:15 > 0:44:17# Bum bum dum bum
0:44:17 > 0:44:19# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum
0:44:19 > 0:44:20# Bum bum dum bum
0:44:20 > 0:44:22# Everybody scream. #
0:44:22 > 0:44:24SCREAMING
0:44:27 > 0:44:29And you said you didn't remember.
0:44:29 > 0:44:33Well, of course I remember, Dad. It's our song.
0:44:33 > 0:44:36All right, now, look. Tell me about this Cooper programme.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Oh, my goodness! It's so exciting.
0:44:38 > 0:44:41OK. Let me tell you all about it. Um...
0:44:41 > 0:44:44MUSIC PLAYS
0:45:16 > 0:45:18JAMES: You're just gonna make a left down Maples.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21Three blocks and we're there. Thank you.
0:45:21 > 0:45:24Uh, Dad, do you think that Grandma still knows we're coming?
0:45:24 > 0:45:27Well, I didn't call her, but it's not like she's going anywhere.
0:45:27 > 0:45:29Just remember she's a old woman now.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31She's not as light on her feet.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33TANGO MUSIC PLAYS
0:45:35 > 0:45:36- Ooh! - Ooh!
0:45:42 > 0:45:46- Whoo! - Oh, yeah!
0:45:51 > 0:45:52MUSIC ENDS
0:45:55 > 0:45:56It's my son!
0:45:56 > 0:45:58Not the control freak!
0:45:58 > 0:45:59Hide!
0:46:00 > 0:46:02SHOUTING: Give me some room.
0:46:02 > 0:46:03No, not there.
0:46:03 > 0:46:04WHIMPERING
0:46:04 > 0:46:08Oh! Come on, come on. What's on your mind?
0:46:08 > 0:46:10That won't work.
0:46:10 > 0:46:12If you're ever in Okinawa!
0:46:12 > 0:46:13Bye-bye! Goodbye!
0:46:13 > 0:46:15Goodbye!
0:46:15 > 0:46:18Ohh. You know they're gonna have that song in their head
0:46:18 > 0:46:19for the rest of their life.
0:46:19 > 0:46:22Everybody needs a little Double Dutch in their life.
0:46:22 > 0:46:23That's right. That's right.
0:46:23 > 0:46:28Oh, wow. Here we are. Home, sweet home.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30I just hope this surprise isn't too much of a shock
0:46:30 > 0:46:31for her fragile heart.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33You know, she getting up there in age.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35She's 63.
0:46:37 > 0:46:38DOORBELL RINGS
0:46:38 > 0:46:39One second!
0:46:39 > 0:46:42ALL: We're here!
0:46:42 > 0:46:43TREY: Hi, Grandma!
0:46:43 > 0:46:45Ohh! Ha ha ha!
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Not so rough. You'll break her.
0:46:47 > 0:46:50Hey, Mama. Good to see you.
0:46:50 > 0:46:52Is the coast clear?
0:46:52 > 0:46:55Hello? Yoo-hoo!
0:46:59 > 0:47:02Now, Mama, I know you like the new security system.
0:47:02 > 0:47:05Uh-huh. I-it's lovely.
0:47:05 > 0:47:08BEEPING
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Watch this.
0:47:12 > 0:47:13Check this out.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20ANGELIC CHOIR
0:47:20 > 0:47:21Floodlights!
0:47:21 > 0:47:24- Oh, my goodness! - Pretty impressive, right?
0:47:24 > 0:47:26James, it looks like a football field.
0:47:26 > 0:47:28KATIE: Melanie!
0:47:28 > 0:47:31Oh, my goodness! I can't believe it!
0:47:31 > 0:47:33Oh, my goodness! It is!
0:47:33 > 0:47:34Oh, my gosh!
0:47:34 > 0:47:37What are you doing here?
0:47:37 > 0:47:39Yeah. What are y'all doing here?
0:47:39 > 0:47:42After you couldn't make it yesterday, we stayed an extra night at my sister's to surprise you.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44You can sleep over at my sister's like we planned.
0:47:44 > 0:47:46Oh! This is amazing! Amazing!
0:47:46 > 0:47:48Oh, this is the best, Dad, isn't it?
0:47:48 > 0:47:50Oh, yeah, yeah. Totally.
0:47:50 > 0:47:53Thank you. Thank you, guys!
0:47:53 > 0:47:54Mwah! OK. Bye!
0:47:54 > 0:47:57Come on, you guys. Let's go!
0:47:57 > 0:47:59Don't forget. We got a 10am flight to DC in the morning.
0:47:59 > 0:48:01Dad, don't worry. I'll be home by eight!
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
0:48:03 > 0:48:04SCREAMING
0:48:08 > 0:48:10Good night, James.
0:48:10 > 0:48:12You sure you don't want to wait for me to finish this?
0:48:12 > 0:48:14I think I'll survive the night.
0:48:19 > 0:48:23YAWNING: Albert and I are going to sleep.
0:48:23 > 0:48:26Hey. Good night, Son.
0:48:26 > 0:48:29You still mad at me for coming on the trip?
0:48:29 > 0:48:31Son, no.
0:48:31 > 0:48:33No, I could never stay mad at you.
0:48:33 > 0:48:35You're my little man.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37I love you, Dad.
0:48:37 > 0:48:39Love you, too, Son.
0:48:41 > 0:48:42Good night. Get some rest.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52MAN ON TV: 'The gazelle daughter remains at its father's side,
0:48:52 > 0:48:55'seeking protection and security,
0:48:55 > 0:48:57'for if it veers off, it becomes vulnerable
0:48:57 > 0:48:59'to a myriad of predators.'
0:48:59 > 0:49:00What are you doing, gazelle?
0:49:00 > 0:49:02Stay with your daddy.
0:49:02 > 0:49:05'With out the parents' guidance, the offspring are at the mercy
0:49:05 > 0:49:08'of the harsh and unforgiving animal universe.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10'Let's watch as the cheetah rips
0:49:10 > 0:49:14'the little gazelle's head clean off.'
0:49:14 > 0:49:17'Poor little gazelle, you should have stayed with your father.'
0:49:17 > 0:49:20HUMMING
0:49:20 > 0:49:22CELL PHONE RINGING
0:49:22 > 0:49:26COUGHS
0:49:26 > 0:49:28DEEP VOICE: Hello?
0:49:28 > 0:49:29Who's this?
0:49:29 > 0:49:31It's Chris.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33Chris? What are you doing there?
0:49:33 > 0:49:35Duh! I live here.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37Where's Melanie?
0:49:37 > 0:49:38'I don't know. I think she's in the shower.
0:49:38 > 0:49:42'Hey, Bobbi. Can you check and see if Melanie's in the shower?'
0:49:42 > 0:49:43Shower?!
0:49:49 > 0:49:50# Oh, oh, yeah #
0:49:50 > 0:49:53Aah! Aah! Aah!
0:49:55 > 0:49:57# Mr Big Stuff
0:49:57 > 0:50:01# Who do you think you are, Mr Big Stuff?
0:50:01 > 0:50:04# You're never gonna get my love
0:50:04 > 0:50:06# Mr Big Stuff, tell me...
0:50:06 > 0:50:09DOORBELL RINGS
0:50:09 > 0:50:11# Mr Big Stuff? #
0:50:12 > 0:50:14Could I help you?
0:50:14 > 0:50:15I need to see my daughter.
0:50:15 > 0:50:16Who's your daughter?
0:50:16 > 0:50:18Melanie Porter.
0:50:18 > 0:50:20She's not a student here. She's just spending the night.
0:50:20 > 0:50:23- It will only take a minute. - Who is she staying with?
0:50:23 > 0:50:24Katie's sister.
0:50:24 > 0:50:26- Katie's sister? - Yeah.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28I'm gonna need a little more than that.
0:50:28 > 0:50:29Ma'am, it's OK.
0:50:29 > 0:50:31I'm a police officer.
0:50:31 > 0:50:33Oh, thank goodness!
0:50:33 > 0:50:35Where's your badge, officer?
0:50:35 > 0:50:37It's back at my Mom's.
0:50:37 > 0:50:41Ohh. You still live with your Mom. That's nice.
0:50:41 > 0:50:43Look, I know what this sounds like.
0:50:43 > 0:50:47Oh. Sounds like you're not getting in my sorority.
0:50:47 > 0:50:48Bye-bye, now.
0:50:48 > 0:50:50Melanie? Melanie!
0:50:50 > 0:50:52Whoo! Oh, yeah!
0:50:52 > 0:50:53Oh, yeah!
0:50:53 > 0:50:56Melanie! Melanie!
0:50:56 > 0:50:58Girls! Girls!
0:50:58 > 0:51:00Melanie! No!
0:51:00 > 0:51:01It's-ohh!
0:51:01 > 0:51:04Fight, fight!
0:51:04 > 0:51:06Whoo!
0:51:06 > 0:51:07Ow!
0:51:07 > 0:51:10(BABBLES)
0:51:15 > 0:51:18SCREAMING AND WHOOPING
0:51:18 > 0:51:20I got you.
0:51:20 > 0:51:21Daddy's coming, baby.
0:51:21 > 0:51:23Daddy's coming.
0:51:33 > 0:51:34Ohh!
0:51:37 > 0:51:38GIRLS SCREAM
0:51:54 > 0:51:55GIRLS SCREAM
0:52:07 > 0:52:08Oh, my goodness, you guys!
0:52:08 > 0:52:10Whoo!
0:52:26 > 0:52:28Mel, should I get my hair highlighted?
0:52:28 > 0:52:31Ooh. That could be pretty.
0:52:33 > 0:52:35Do you think I should get coloured contacts?
0:52:35 > 0:52:38Ooh. That could be pretty.
0:52:38 > 0:52:40Think I should get sparkly lip gloss?
0:52:40 > 0:52:42Ooh. That could be pretty.
0:52:42 > 0:52:45I am so glad we had this talk.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53Wow! You actually talked to your Dad?
0:52:53 > 0:52:56I talked to him about everything, my whole plan.
0:52:56 > 0:52:59Major in political science, minor in American history,
0:52:59 > 0:53:01and then to the Cooper programme for Japan.
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Wow.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05He was actually excited to hear about it.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11I think I might have misjudged him this whole time.
0:53:11 > 0:53:14It's the first time I remember us having a real conversation.
0:53:14 > 0:53:16He listened to me.
0:53:16 > 0:53:19He treated me like an adult.
0:53:19 > 0:53:22I know he's done a lot of crazy things in the past,
0:53:22 > 0:53:25but, on the bus it was different.
0:53:25 > 0:53:26He changed.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32I think he actually trusts me to be on my own
0:53:32 > 0:53:34and make my own decisions.
0:53:45 > 0:53:46Georgetown!
0:53:46 > 0:53:48SCREAMING
0:53:49 > 0:53:51POP MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO
0:53:51 > 0:53:53SNORING
0:53:58 > 0:53:59TURNS OFF RADIO
0:53:59 > 0:54:02SNORING
0:54:07 > 0:54:08(SCREAMS) Aah! Aah!
0:54:08 > 0:54:11Aah! Aah! Aah!
0:54:11 > 0:54:13BLOWS WHISTLE
0:54:13 > 0:54:15No, no, no. I'm a father. Listen. Calm down.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18I knew it.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20TASER BUZZES
0:54:20 > 0:54:22N-no. This ain't what it looks...
0:54:22 > 0:54:24ZAPPING
0:54:30 > 0:54:32Where is he? Still no answer.
0:54:32 > 0:54:34We're gonna miss our flight.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36You got to line up the colours.
0:54:36 > 0:54:37CELL PHONE RINGS
0:54:37 > 0:54:39Hello?
0:54:39 > 0:54:41Yes. This is she.
0:54:41 > 0:54:43What?
0:54:43 > 0:54:46He's where?!
0:54:46 > 0:54:47Oh, I cannot believe this.
0:54:50 > 0:54:54For the last time, I have to get my daughter to Georgetown.
0:54:54 > 0:54:56Right. Sure. Yeah.
0:55:02 > 0:55:03BUZZ
0:55:03 > 0:55:07Come in.
0:55:07 > 0:55:08Hi. My name is Melanie Porter.
0:55:08 > 0:55:11I got a call about my father. Is he OK?
0:55:11 > 0:55:14The individual in custody was discovered this morning on campus
0:55:14 > 0:55:19sleeping underneath a girl's bed at the Omega Psi Lambda house.
0:55:19 > 0:55:21Mel, hey! Baby girl,
0:55:21 > 0:55:24you ain't gonna believe what happened.
0:55:24 > 0:55:27I tried calling you, and some guy answered the phone,
0:55:27 > 0:55:28and it was kind...
0:55:28 > 0:55:29This man is not my father.
0:55:29 > 0:55:31Melanie Porter.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34Because my father would never cross the line like that.
0:55:34 > 0:55:36He would trust me to make smart choices.
0:55:36 > 0:55:38Excuse me, but I have a flight to catch.
0:55:38 > 0:55:42Mel! Mel, don't walk away, Mel!
0:55:54 > 0:55:56Roger Wilco. Over and out.
0:56:02 > 0:56:03You're free to go.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05Someone sprung you.
0:56:12 > 0:56:13James.
0:56:13 > 0:56:17Mama, what's going on?
0:56:17 > 0:56:19And where's Melanie and Trey?
0:56:19 > 0:56:22Trey's taking Albert for a walk,
0:56:22 > 0:56:24and Melanie's trying to catch her plane.
0:56:24 > 0:56:26And you let her go without me?
0:56:26 > 0:56:28Sit down, James.
0:56:31 > 0:56:33Melanie told me what happened at Northwestern.
0:56:33 > 0:56:35I can explain that.
0:56:35 > 0:56:36Oh, you didn't want her to go to Georgetown,
0:56:36 > 0:56:39so you concocted some ridiculous plan.
0:56:39 > 0:56:41I'm just trying to keep everybody safe.
0:56:41 > 0:56:46James, you took my home and you turned it into a high-security prison.
0:56:46 > 0:56:49You can't even let her spend the night with some friends
0:56:49 > 0:56:51without creeping around like a cat burglar.
0:56:51 > 0:56:54What do you expect me to do? How am I supposed to know she's safe
0:56:54 > 0:56:57if she goes all the way to Washington?
0:56:57 > 0:57:00James, how do you think I felt when you left to join the army?
0:57:00 > 0:57:01I don't know, Mama.
0:57:01 > 0:57:06I was terrified! I worried about you all the time.
0:57:06 > 0:57:07I still do.
0:57:07 > 0:57:10But you had to follow your own path,
0:57:10 > 0:57:12and I had to let you leave the nest.
0:57:12 > 0:57:16I wanted you home every day you were gone,
0:57:16 > 0:57:19but I had to trust you.
0:57:19 > 0:57:21I had to trust that you could take care of yourself,
0:57:21 > 0:57:23and I had to believe in you,
0:57:23 > 0:57:26so why can't you believe in her?
0:57:52 > 0:57:54I'll see you back at home.
0:57:54 > 0:57:55Is Mom gonna kill me?
0:57:55 > 0:57:58I got your back on this one. Just don't let it happen again.
0:57:58 > 0:57:59Good luck. All right.
0:57:59 > 0:58:00You'll need this.
0:58:00 > 0:58:01Mama, I love you.
0:58:01 > 0:58:03I love you, too, son.
0:58:03 > 0:58:04Bye, Dad!
0:58:08 > 0:58:12Excuse me. The flight to DC, has it left yet?
0:58:12 > 0:58:14I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid you've missed it.
0:58:24 > 0:58:26Mel.
0:58:30 > 0:58:31Hi.
0:58:31 > 0:58:33You missed the flight.
0:58:33 > 0:58:37I wouldn't have if you wouldn't have gotten yourself arrested.
0:58:37 > 0:58:38Mel, look. I was...
0:58:38 > 0:58:42Dad, listen. Georgetown is... It's over.
0:58:42 > 0:58:44You know, you're getting exactly what you wanted -
0:58:44 > 0:58:46me closer to home.
0:58:46 > 0:58:48Baby, that's what I came here to tell you.
0:58:48 > 0:58:50I don't want that anymore.
0:58:50 > 0:58:51What are you talking about?
0:58:51 > 0:58:53You know...
0:58:53 > 0:58:56Dads don't know everything.
0:58:56 > 0:58:59We just try to do the best we can.
0:58:59 > 0:59:01Last night when I came to the sorority house,
0:59:01 > 0:59:03I was trying to protect you.
0:59:03 > 0:59:06That's what I do. I protect people.
0:59:06 > 0:59:09Sometimes I go too far.
0:59:09 > 0:59:11In this case, I went way too far.
0:59:11 > 0:59:12Dad...
0:59:12 > 0:59:13No, baby, look, I love you,
0:59:13 > 0:59:16but I was so into what I wanted for you
0:59:16 > 0:59:19that I couldn't see what you wanted.
0:59:19 > 0:59:22I want what every girl wants.
0:59:23 > 0:59:26I want a Dad who loves me, who adores me.
0:59:26 > 0:59:30I want you to know that you raised a really good girl.
0:59:30 > 0:59:32I want you to trust me.
0:59:37 > 0:59:41I guess I still see you as that little six-year-old girl
0:59:41 > 0:59:44singing Double Dutch Bus.
0:59:44 > 0:59:47I'm not that little girl anymore, Daddy.
0:59:47 > 0:59:49I've grown up.
0:59:49 > 0:59:54Reality is, you've shown me I can trust you.
0:59:54 > 0:59:56You have.
0:59:58 > 1:00:01OK, I'll make a deal with you.
1:00:01 > 1:00:05No more my plan, only your plan.
1:00:05 > 1:00:08Now let's get you to Georgetown.
1:00:08 > 1:00:10Deal.
1:00:10 > 1:00:13That's right. Oh...
1:00:13 > 1:00:15MAN: I don't care if Bob's here or not.
1:00:15 > 1:00:17We got to be in DC by 3:30.
1:00:17 > 1:00:22DC flow with me, Mel. Flow with me.
1:00:22 > 1:00:25Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh...
1:00:27 > 1:00:29This plane going to Washington?
1:00:29 > 1:00:32Yeah, but it's for team members only.
1:00:32 > 1:00:34We got a police emergency. You have to let us on that plane.
1:00:34 > 1:00:36You guys divers?
1:00:36 > 1:00:40Yeah. Big time. Huge divers.
1:00:40 > 1:00:42Sss. Ehhhh.
1:00:42 > 1:00:45Since I was a baby!
1:00:45 > 1:00:46Well, climb on board.
1:00:58 > 1:01:01# You got me running going out of my mind
1:01:01 > 1:01:06# You got me thinking that I'm wasting my time
1:01:06 > 1:01:09# Don't bring me down
1:01:09 > 1:01:12# No, no, no, no, no
1:01:12 > 1:01:14# Whoo-hoo
1:01:14 > 1:01:17# I'll tell once more before I get on the floor
1:01:17 > 1:01:20# Don't bring me down, down, down, down. #
1:01:20 > 1:01:22We did it.
1:01:22 > 1:01:23Yeah. We did it.
1:01:26 > 1:01:30Excuse me. I never heard of a diving team
1:01:30 > 1:01:32having their own plane.
1:01:32 > 1:01:35It would be pretty hard to do our thing without one.
1:01:35 > 1:01:40Ha! I thought all you need is a swimming pool and a bouncy board.
1:01:40 > 1:01:42Wrong kind of diving team, man.
1:01:42 > 1:01:45Well, what sort of diving team are you?
1:01:50 > 1:01:54Aah! Aah!
1:01:54 > 1:01:57Rock and roll! Whoo!
1:01:57 > 1:01:59Dad, Dad, a skydiving team!
1:01:59 > 1:02:03You mean, we're not landing in DC?
1:02:03 > 1:02:06We are, but the plane's not.
1:02:06 > 1:02:09But we got to get to Georgetown now!
1:02:09 > 1:02:12There's only one way that's gonna happen.
1:02:12 > 1:02:13# Don't bring me down...
1:02:13 > 1:02:15Whoo!
1:02:15 > 1:02:18Go, go!
1:02:18 > 1:02:20# Don't bring me down
1:02:20 > 1:02:22# Don't bring me down
1:02:22 > 1:02:24(SCREAMS)
1:02:24 > 1:02:27# Don't bring me down. #
1:02:27 > 1:02:29SCREAMING
1:02:38 > 1:02:40- Mel? - Huh?
1:02:40 > 1:02:42We can do this!
1:02:42 > 1:02:43OK, Dad. OK?
1:02:43 > 1:02:44We got to get to Georgetown!
1:02:44 > 1:02:46OK, Daddy!
1:02:46 > 1:02:50All right. One, two, three!
1:02:50 > 1:02:51SCREAMING
1:02:58 > 1:03:01Now, that's a great Dad. Whoo!
1:03:01 > 1:03:03# That you're running away
1:03:03 > 1:03:04# Don't bring me down... #
1:03:04 > 1:03:06Dad, pull the cord!
1:03:06 > 1:03:08What?
1:03:08 > 1:03:09Pull the cord!
1:03:09 > 1:03:12Oh, oh, yeah. The cord!
1:03:12 > 1:03:16SCREAMING
1:03:16 > 1:03:19# Don't bring me down. #
1:03:20 > 1:03:23(CHORTLES)
1:03:23 > 1:03:25Sorry about the wedding, Lou.
1:03:25 > 1:03:29Nice try, Phil, but you're not gonna psych me out.
1:03:29 > 1:03:33After I make this putt, you owe me 20,000.
1:03:36 > 1:03:39Happy days are here again.
1:03:40 > 1:03:42JAMES AND MELANIE: Look out!
1:03:42 > 1:03:44Aah!
1:03:44 > 1:03:46Ohh!
1:03:49 > 1:03:51That was weird.
1:03:54 > 1:03:55What happened?!
1:03:57 > 1:04:01Oh! Sorry about that. You OK?
1:04:01 > 1:04:03- You?! - Oh, no.
1:04:03 > 1:04:06- You! - I'm real sorry about your wedding.
1:04:06 > 1:04:08I'm gonna kill you and your little pig!
1:04:08 > 1:04:10Got to go.
1:04:10 > 1:04:12That way. That way!
1:04:13 > 1:04:16- That's my cart! - Move! Move!
1:04:16 > 1:04:19I can see the campus right over there!
1:04:19 > 1:04:22Ten minutes to spare. Ain't no stopping us now.
1:04:22 > 1:04:23Dad!
1:04:23 > 1:04:24Surprise!
1:04:24 > 1:04:26Are you out of your mind?
1:04:26 > 1:04:28(LAUGHS) Hand me the four-iron, Mel.
1:04:30 > 1:04:31Take the wheel.
1:04:37 > 1:04:38How we looking?
1:04:38 > 1:04:40Looking good!
1:04:40 > 1:04:43SCREAMING
1:04:45 > 1:04:48HORN HONKS Ooh, ooh, ooh!
1:04:48 > 1:04:50Aah! Ooh!
1:04:52 > 1:04:53Aah! Aah!
1:04:56 > 1:04:57SCREAMING
1:05:06 > 1:05:09Is this part of the initiation?
1:05:09 > 1:05:11Get out of the way!
1:05:11 > 1:05:12HONKS HORN
1:05:12 > 1:05:13Aah!
1:05:13 > 1:05:14Come on.
1:05:14 > 1:05:15We got one minute to go.
1:05:15 > 1:05:18Go, Mel. Go, Mel! Go, Mel!
1:05:18 > 1:05:21Daddy, elevator!
1:05:24 > 1:05:26SCREAMING
1:05:26 > 1:05:28Wrong door!
1:05:28 > 1:05:31Now, go! Go! Go, move!
1:05:35 > 1:05:36Aah! Ohh!
1:05:36 > 1:05:37I got it. Sorry.
1:05:37 > 1:05:39I'm so very sorry about that one.
1:05:39 > 1:05:41GRUNTING
1:05:43 > 1:05:44Daddy, get it off of me!
1:05:44 > 1:05:47GROANING
1:05:47 > 1:05:49Ah! Ah! Ah! Ohh! Ohh!
1:05:51 > 1:05:53Hi. My name is Melanie Porter.
1:05:53 > 1:05:56I have an interview with the admissions committee.
1:05:56 > 1:05:59Of course.
1:05:59 > 1:06:02Porter, Porter, Port...
1:06:02 > 1:06:05You made it just in time, Miss Porter.
1:06:05 > 1:06:07They're all waiting for you right in there.
1:06:07 > 1:06:09Yes! Yes!
1:06:11 > 1:06:12How do I look?
1:06:12 > 1:06:13Like an angel.
1:06:13 > 1:06:15Aw, thanks, Dad.
1:06:15 > 1:06:16All right.
1:06:18 > 1:06:19That was horrible.
1:06:24 > 1:06:25Aren't you going in?
1:06:25 > 1:06:27MAN: Next, please.
1:06:31 > 1:06:34Mel, what?
1:06:38 > 1:06:40I'm afraid.
1:06:40 > 1:06:42Well, guess what.
1:06:42 > 1:06:44I was afraid, too.
1:06:44 > 1:06:47Dad, what are you afraid of?
1:06:47 > 1:06:49I was afraid that if I let you go
1:06:49 > 1:06:52that you'd never need your Daddy again.
1:06:54 > 1:06:56But I'm always gonna need you.
1:06:56 > 1:06:59Mel, this is what you gotta do.
1:06:59 > 1:07:01Go in there with all confidence,
1:07:01 > 1:07:05keep your head up, and do your best.
1:07:05 > 1:07:08All you can do is win.
1:07:08 > 1:07:12Yeah. I like that.
1:07:12 > 1:07:15And if they don't accept you after that,
1:07:15 > 1:07:16it's their loss.
1:07:19 > 1:07:21I'm so glad you're my Dad.
1:07:26 > 1:07:28Time for you to shine, baby.
1:07:30 > 1:07:33I'm gonna let you go now.
1:07:35 > 1:07:37Time to go.
1:07:49 > 1:07:51Let's go, Trey.
1:07:53 > 1:07:55Melanie Porter.
1:07:55 > 1:07:57Porter. Here we go. Room 217.
1:07:57 > 1:07:59I just checked in your neighbour.
1:07:59 > 1:08:01You did, really? Who is it?
1:08:01 > 1:08:03- Aah! - Aah!
1:08:03 > 1:08:05I don't believe it! Can you believe it?
1:08:05 > 1:08:08I'm room 218!
1:08:08 > 1:08:09I don't believe it!
1:08:09 > 1:08:12Oh, my gosh!
1:08:12 > 1:08:14You inspired me to apply here,
1:08:14 > 1:08:17and now we're gonna be neighbours!
1:08:17 > 1:08:18Ohh!
1:08:18 > 1:08:21I have to go get my Dad! He'll be so excited to see you.
1:08:21 > 1:08:22Dad?
1:08:22 > 1:08:24Surprise! Ha ha ha! Mwah!
1:08:24 > 1:08:27James! How are you?
1:08:27 > 1:08:28It's so good to see you.
1:08:28 > 1:08:30Oh, this is my wife Sugarplum.
1:08:30 > 1:08:32Hi.
1:08:32 > 1:08:33THEY GROWL
1:08:33 > 1:08:34THEY GROWL
1:08:34 > 1:08:36My sugarplum, Michelle.
1:08:36 > 1:08:39Hello, Michelle. It's so nice to meet you.
1:08:39 > 1:08:40Hello, Michelle.
1:08:40 > 1:08:42Hi.
1:08:42 > 1:08:44So, our daughters are staying in the same dorm.
1:08:44 > 1:08:45How crazy is that?
1:08:45 > 1:08:47You know what I'm thinking?
1:08:47 > 1:08:49Booster club karaoke party!
1:08:49 > 1:08:51- Ohh! - Ohh!
1:08:51 > 1:08:52JAMES: A little more singing.
1:08:52 > 1:08:54A little more singing.
1:08:54 > 1:08:55Absolutely! Ha ha!
1:08:55 > 1:08:57- Come on, Poopsie. - OK.
1:08:57 > 1:08:59DOUG: Ha ha ha!
1:08:59 > 1:09:00Hey!
1:09:00 > 1:09:02# People
1:09:02 > 1:09:06# People who need people
1:09:06 > 1:09:07# Are the lu... #
1:09:07 > 1:09:08(COUGHS)
1:09:10 > 1:09:11HOARSE: I swallowed a bug.
1:09:11 > 1:09:13COUGHING
1:09:13 > 1:09:15Wait for me!
1:09:15 > 1:09:18I can't help it. I like that guy.
1:09:25 > 1:09:26Our baby.
1:09:36 > 1:09:39This is it.
1:09:39 > 1:09:40Come here, baby.
1:09:58 > 1:10:00I never thought this day would come.
1:10:00 > 1:10:04I did, but I'm proud of you.
1:10:06 > 1:10:07Oh, thank you, Daddy.
1:10:12 > 1:10:13I love you.
1:10:13 > 1:10:16I love you, beautiful.
1:10:16 > 1:10:18I'll see you at Thanksgiving, all right?
1:11:31 > 1:11:33You gonna be OK?
1:11:33 > 1:11:36Where does the time go?
1:11:36 > 1:11:37Yeah.
1:11:37 > 1:11:39Come on, baby. Let's head home.
1:11:43 > 1:11:46JAMES: Trey, five minutes, dinner.
1:11:46 > 1:11:47Coming, Dad!
1:11:49 > 1:11:51I can't believe it's been three months already.
1:11:51 > 1:11:54I just hope she hasn't changed too much.
1:11:54 > 1:11:57Well, how changed could she be? You talk to her every week.
1:11:57 > 1:11:59SNORTS
1:11:59 > 1:12:02Where did Albert get that hat?
1:12:02 > 1:12:04# Over the river and through the woods
1:12:04 > 1:12:06# To the Porters' house we go. # Ha ha ha!
1:12:06 > 1:12:09I love this guy! Oh, what a gas!
1:12:09 > 1:12:10Come on, James. The karaoke's all set up.
1:12:10 > 1:12:13We're gonna sing, dance.
1:12:13 > 1:12:15No, no. Maybe after we eat.
1:12:15 > 1:12:17We don't want to start singing without the girls.
1:12:17 > 1:12:19- OK. All right. - That was Melanie and Wendy.
1:12:19 > 1:12:21They're two minutes away. I can't wait to meet Tracy.
1:12:21 > 1:12:25Tracy? Yeah. That's a friend of hers from school.
1:12:25 > 1:12:27They're gonna be studying in Japan together next semester.
1:12:27 > 1:12:32Now, James. You promised me you're not gonna make a big fuss about Japan.
1:12:32 > 1:12:34No. This is the new James Porter,
1:12:34 > 1:12:37new and improved. There's nothing I can't handle.
1:12:37 > 1:12:38I'm cool.
1:12:38 > 1:12:39- We're here! - We're here!
1:12:39 > 1:12:40Mel Bear!
1:12:40 > 1:12:42Hey! All right!
1:12:42 > 1:12:43Wendy Poo!
1:12:43 > 1:12:45Look at you!
1:12:46 > 1:12:50Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Tracy.
1:12:52 > 1:12:53Uh-oh.
1:12:58 > 1:12:59Uhh...
1:13:00 > 1:13:03Nice to meet you, Mr Porter, Mrs Porter.
1:13:03 > 1:13:05- Mmm-mmm. - Mmm-mmm.
1:13:06 > 1:13:09Tracy.
1:13:09 > 1:13:10- You're a guy. - Mm-hmm.
1:13:10 > 1:13:12Yeah. Yeah, I'm a guy.
1:13:12 > 1:13:15"Nice to met you." Yeah?
1:13:15 > 1:13:17Nice to mee...
1:13:19 > 1:13:20Nice to meet you, Tracy.
1:13:20 > 1:13:21There you go.
1:13:22 > 1:13:24Thanks. Thank you, Sir.
1:13:24 > 1:13:29James, I am so proud of you. It takes a good dad to accept anything.
1:13:29 > 1:13:31WENDY: I'm so happy you just said that!
1:13:31 > 1:13:32Scooter!
1:13:32 > 1:13:34Ding-dong.
1:13:34 > 1:13:36Dad, everyone, this is Scooter,
1:13:36 > 1:13:40and Scooter and I are getting married!
1:13:40 > 1:13:42Dad! (WHIMPERS)
1:13:42 > 1:13:44# Getting to know you
1:13:44 > 1:13:45# Getting to know all... #
1:13:45 > 1:13:47Aah!
1:13:47 > 1:13:49Aah!
1:13:49 > 1:13:50SCREAMING CONTINUES
1:13:57 > 1:13:59# Ooh, and it's all right
1:13:59 > 1:14:01# And it's coming along
1:14:01 > 1:14:04# We got to get right back to where we started from
1:14:04 > 1:14:07# Love is good, love can be strong
1:14:07 > 1:14:09# We got to get right back
1:14:09 > 1:14:11# To where we started from
1:14:11 > 1:14:13# Uh-huh... #
1:14:17 > 1:14:18# Do you remember that day
1:14:18 > 1:14:20# That shiny day
1:14:20 > 1:14:23# When you first came my way?
1:14:23 > 1:14:26# I said no-one could take your place
1:14:29 > 1:14:31# And if you get hurt
1:14:31 > 1:14:32# If you get hurt
1:14:32 > 1:14:36# By the little things I say
1:14:36 > 1:14:41# I can put that smile back on your face
1:14:41 > 1:14:43# Ooh, and it's all right
1:14:43 > 1:14:45# And it's coming along
1:14:45 > 1:14:48# We got to get right back to where we started from
1:14:48 > 1:14:51# Love is good, love can be strong
1:14:51 > 1:14:54# We got to get right back to where we started from
1:14:54 > 1:14:56# It's all right
1:14:56 > 1:14:57# And it's coming along
1:14:57 > 1:15:00# We got to get right back to where we started from
1:15:00 > 1:15:03# Love is good, love can be strong
1:15:03 > 1:15:04# We got to get right back
1:15:04 > 1:15:06# To where we started from
1:15:06 > 1:15:09# All right, it's coming along
1:15:09 > 1:15:11# We got to get... #