0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains strong language and adult humour
0:00:11 > 0:00:14(PANTING / GRUNTS)
0:00:14 > 0:00:16(PAGE BEING TURNED)
0:00:17 > 0:00:19(PANTING INCREASES / GRUNTS)
0:00:19 > 0:00:22(VIGOROUS MOVEMENT)
0:00:23 > 0:00:25(OBJECTS RATTLE)
0:00:25 > 0:00:27(PANTING CEASES / RATTLING STOPS)
0:00:27 > 0:00:28(DEEP SIGH)
0:00:46 > 0:00:48'My name is Nick.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52'My last name - which I loathe - is Twisp, which would be a nice name
0:00:52 > 0:00:56'if I planned on becoming an evil nurse in a mental institution.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58'I am a voracious reader of classic prose,
0:00:58 > 0:01:00'an aspiring novelist,
0:01:00 > 0:01:05'and feel the world would be a better place if every radio station
0:01:05 > 0:01:07'played Sinatra's My One And Only Love hourly.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10'Needless to say, I'm still a virgin.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14'I live in Oakland with my charming mother.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16- (THROWS DOWN PAN) - Estelle...!
0:01:16 > 0:01:20'Her latest boyfriend, Jerry, is a long-haul truck driver and a liar.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23If a woman answered the phone, it was probably just the maid.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27- 'He's a real prize. - (GRUNTS) Gonna bite you!
0:01:27 > 0:01:28No.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29(KNOCK ON DOOR)
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- Hi, Nick.- Hi.- Three more for you. - Thanks, Mr Ferguson.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38'Our neighbour Mr Ferguson likes to bring us mail from our mailbox.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42'A former activist with a bleeding heart and too much time on his hands.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45'He's always getting arrested for staging protests
0:01:45 > 0:01:47'and harbouring illegal aliens in his basement.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49'He's a good man, but very strange.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Oh, so, muy bueno, si.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54'My dad is currently between jobs.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58'He'd love not to have to work at all, but as he often reminds me -
0:01:58 > 0:02:00he has crippling child-support payments.'
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Dad, when can I get an allowance? I'm tired of not having a cellphone.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06If you want an allowance, talk to your mom.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- 'Lacey is Dad's girlfriend.' - Baby, I cooked for you!
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Aw, you made me a snack...! - Come here, you...!
0:02:13 > 0:02:16'She's 25 and a budding cosmetologist.'
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Does my baby like it?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21'It's amazing and incredibly irritating to me
0:02:21 > 0:02:25how much action everyone around me seems to be getting.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27'With one exception.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30My sister saw Millie holding hands with some college guy.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35'My best friend Lefty's had a crush on Millie Filbert since third grade.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37'Only Lefty is more miserable than I am.'
0:02:37 > 0:02:41I've been taping my dick to my right leg at night with duct tape.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44I think of Millie in her green summery dress
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- and I get hard, so it pushes against the tape...- I see.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- Counter-rotational tension on the shaft.- Right.- Nice.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52'In case you haven't heard,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55'Lefty's erect member takes a dramatic turn east midway up.'
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- Or?- You might wanna get it fixed before you ask Millie out.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Very true. What if I shove it up the wrong hole?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06What if we go out and she doesn't like me?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09We get to know each other and she hates me?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13We get married and have a kid that's no good at anything, has no talents?
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- (SIGHS)- I wonder if it's worth it.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Either way, you probably wanna get your dick straightened out.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21(KNOCK ON DOOR)
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Is Jerry here? - He just went out.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30That hunk-of-shit Chevy he sold us made it 17 miles before it blew up.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- We found evidence of a banana in the transmission.- So he owes us 900
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I'm quite certain he spent that 900 on his new Lincoln.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Maybe you better come back and speak with him directly.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45He seems pretty stubborn, you might need to get physical.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46That can be arranged.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48'After living in Oakland for 16 years
0:03:48 > 0:03:52I've noticed it's filled with women who have zero interest in me.'
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Hey, Karen.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- Nick.- Oh, right.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Physics?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01American History. Close.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02What is that?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05La Strada. It's a Fellini movie.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06So random!
0:04:06 > 0:04:12Yeah. They were all outta Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous, so I went for a random.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- (GUY BLOWS RASPBERRY)- Ew, Chad! Fuck you.- Fuck you, you love it.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Hey, does that movie come with tampons for your pussy?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22You know, Chad, I'll be upset if it doesn't.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24(KAREN LAUGHS WILDLY)
0:04:24 > 0:04:27'In the movies, the good guy gets the girl.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29'In real life, it's usually the prick.'
0:04:29 > 0:04:30NICK! GET OUT HERE!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Nick!
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Nick!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Nick, do you know anything about this?
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Oh, yeah. Those sailors came by. They want their money back.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Apparently, there's some sort of banana in the transmission.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53- You tell 'em I was coming back? - Now, why would I do that?- (SPITS)
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Jerry, what are you gonna do?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Go get the Lincoln washed. - You're leaving?!
0:04:58 > 0:05:01What happens when that sailor comes back?
0:05:01 > 0:05:05'So to escape ill-tempered sailors we're going to Clear Lake
0:05:05 > 0:05:08'to stay in a cabin owned by a friend of Jerry's.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12'Since I have no life, I figure I have nothing to lose.'
0:05:15 > 0:05:17We're goin' on vacation!
0:05:24 > 0:05:27(FUN BOY 3 AND BANANARAMA: It Ain't What You Do)
0:05:27 > 0:05:29# It ain't what you do It's the way that you do it
0:05:29 > 0:05:32# It ain't what you do It's the way that you do it
0:05:32 > 0:05:34# It ain't what you do It's the way that you do it
0:05:34 > 0:05:37# And that's what gets results
0:05:37 > 0:05:39# It ain't what you do It's the time that you do it
0:05:39 > 0:05:42# It ain't what you do It's the time that you do it
0:05:42 > 0:05:45# It ain't what you do It's the time that you do it
0:05:45 > 0:05:47# And that's what gets results
0:05:47 > 0:05:48# You can try hard
0:05:48 > 0:05:50# Don't mean a thing
0:05:51 > 0:05:53# Take it easy
0:05:55 > 0:05:57# Then your jive will swing
0:05:57 > 0:06:00# It ain't what you do It's the place that you do it
0:06:00 > 0:06:02# It ain't what you do It's the place that you do it
0:06:02 > 0:06:05# It ain't what you do It's the place that you do it
0:06:05 > 0:06:07# And that's what gets results
0:06:07 > 0:06:09# Do do do do do...
0:06:23 > 0:06:25# I thought I was smart but I soon found out
0:06:25 > 0:06:28# I didn't know what life was all about
0:06:28 > 0:06:31# But then I learnt I must confess
0:06:31 > 0:06:33# That life is like a game of chess
0:06:33 > 0:06:36# It ain't what you do It's the way that you do it
0:06:36 > 0:06:38# It ain't what you do It's the time that you do it
0:06:38 > 0:06:41# It ain't what you do It's the place that you do it
0:06:41 > 0:06:43# And that's what gets results
0:06:43 > 0:06:45# You can try hard
0:06:45 > 0:06:47# Don't mean a thing
0:06:48 > 0:06:50# Take it easy
0:06:51 > 0:06:53# Then your jive will swing... (SONG FADES)
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Jerry...?!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05I thought you said it was a cabin.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Come on, Estelle. It's real cute on the inside.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15(FLY BUZZES)
0:07:15 > 0:07:16(JERRY SLURPS)
0:07:19 > 0:07:22(..slurp... slurp... slurp... slurp...)
0:07:25 > 0:07:26(Burp!)
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I say we let the kid do the dishes
0:07:30 > 0:07:33and you and I retire to the master bedroom.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38(Burp!)
0:07:38 > 0:07:39(ZIPPER BEING LOWERED)
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Mum, do you think it's puppy love thing with Jerry,
0:07:42 > 0:07:46or can I look forward to having him around for years to come?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Nick, how many men would be interested in a woman who is 48,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52has a kid, no money, and stretch marks?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55I think you're selling yourself short, Mom.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58What about the stretch-mark fetishist?
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Oh, watch your smart mouth!
0:08:04 > 0:08:07So you're gonna do the dishes, OK, hon?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Gerald and I will be in back, playing Scrabble.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Your robe's open.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56(SWELL OF ORCHESTRAL STRINGS)
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- So, are you and your family staying near here?- We live down the block.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Oh, spitting distance. So to speak.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Hi, Stuck-up.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Hi.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Honey, this is Sheeni Saunders.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29She stopped by to introduce herself. Isn't that neighbourly?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Yes. Yes.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35She's on her way to the store, so I volunteered you to help with bags.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Sounds fun.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Your family's arrival excited considerable interest among the residents.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48- Your father's beer cooler on... - Oh, he's not my father.
0:09:48 > 0:09:53Jerry's my mother's consort. He and I have no blood links of any kind.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Well, that seems to be worth something.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04'Yesterday the most exciting thing in my life was the thought of Jerry
0:10:04 > 0:10:07'being beaten senseless by three angry sailors.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10'Now I'm spending time with a beautiful, interesting girl,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13'and I have no idea how it happened.'
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Here we are.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17- Wow, a second floor. - Yes.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Father bought it so we could look down on the world.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24- What does your father do? - He's a lawyer.- Oh.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Wow, this is really nice.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- Where are your parents? - They're at church.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Would you like a tour?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Sure.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Kitchen.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48This is Mother's Farfisa organ.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54- Father added this extension so he could fit these 64 pipes in.- Wow.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Dining room.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Here's a family portrait.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09And this is my room.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Didn't you just love Breathless?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Jean-Paul was completely gripping.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27If you like French people, I suppose. Yeah.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29I can see it.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I think my favourite film was Tokyo Story.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33I just think Mizoguchi is a great director.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35It's a great film.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37But wasn't that by Ozu?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Who can say?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49There's nothing quite as good as vinyl.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Yeah, it's very textural.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- Do you like Frank Sinatra? - I do.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02But my all-time favourite is Serge Gainsbourg.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- So you really like the French, don't you?- I wanna live in France.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11I wanna live all over the world.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I know there's so much more than this out there.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19My parents are religious fanatics.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23They're exhausting.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33- Bye. - Bye.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Hey, Sheeni?
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Do you think you'd like to join me at the beach tomorrow after breakfast?
0:12:46 > 0:12:47I'd love to.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- Yes?- Hello, Mr Saunders. I'm Nick. I'm here to see Sheeni.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I understand you've invited her to the beach.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13- That's right.- Uh-huh.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Well, I trust, sir,
0:13:15 > 0:13:19you are aware that you have entered into an oral contract
0:13:19 > 0:13:24to perform in loco parentis - i.e. to ensure the safety and welfare
0:13:24 > 0:13:26of the aforementioned minor female.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- Ready? - Very ready.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- Bye, Father. - Goodbye, Mr Saunders.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- (MEEKLY)- Vaya con Dios.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Would you mind applying this to my exposed areas?
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Sure.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Hm. You get turned on easily.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Don't stop, Nick. It's only natural.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Girls are fortunate in that it doesn't show.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30For all the world knows, my vagina could be moist with desire as we speak.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Is it?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Should we do my front now?
0:14:37 > 0:14:38OK.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41I'm up for it.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Thank you.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14What's your last name?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Dillinger?
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Twisp.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33'Sheeni Saunders.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36'She's complicated, mischievous...
0:15:36 > 0:15:42'and at this point I'd be willing to give up everything in my life to be with her.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47Nick, you're very nice, but I should tell you, I have a boyfriend.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Oh, I see.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51His name is Trent.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53We've been together for a while, actually.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57What's he like?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59He's 17, 6ft 2in,
0:15:59 > 0:16:01fluent in French,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04plays the piano, is a champion swimmer,
0:16:04 > 0:16:08and writes futurist, percussive poetry.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I'm not familiar with futurist, percussive poems.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I could recite one of Trent's, if you'd like.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Please do.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Ram dam 12
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Sizzle mop
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Crunch down
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Safety net
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Hot hot hot
0:16:26 > 0:16:27Void
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Well, that certainly sounds like a poem. Jeez, he sounds great.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Well, y'know, I also have a sweetheart for the moment, so...
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Really? What's her name?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Her name is Martha Singwall. She's 16.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47She's got toasted almond hair.
0:16:47 > 0:16:48She's only just recently returned from Nice
0:16:48 > 0:16:51where she's been conducting sociological research
0:16:51 > 0:16:56on the assimilation problems of Italian immigrants, workers,
0:16:56 > 0:16:58down there.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01She's also a professional model. Specialises in lingerie.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05She likes me quite a bit. She tells me that she loves my hair.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- She sounds wonderful. - Yes. I think you'd like her, Sheeni.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13Trent sounds great, too, aside from being...freakishly tall.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16He certainly does seem to have a knack for
0:17:16 > 0:17:20smashing ungraceful words together and...deeming it a poem.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Well, thanks for a lovely day, Nick.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Don't mention it.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29'I think of this radiant girl being swept away
0:17:29 > 0:17:32'by some handsome, pretentious poet and it crushes me.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34'She could never like me.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38'Unless I decided to radically change every detail of my personality
0:17:38 > 0:17:40'I am going to die a virgin.'
0:17:41 > 0:17:45(DOOR CHIME PLAYS HYMN)
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Nick?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Sheeni, nice to see you. I was out walking and remembered you lived here
0:17:56 > 0:17:59I'm sorry I got upset about Trent. It was immature of me.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I'm not normally like that.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04He sounds great. I'd love to hear more of his neat poetry.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Say, do you wanna go to the beach? Or get breakfast?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Actually, I'm going on a hike.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13I'd ask you to come, but you've no boots, provisions, maps or compass.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Fine. I do my hiking freeform.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Like John Muir I enter the wilderness with nothing more than my journal
0:18:18 > 0:18:19and a child-like sense of wonder.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49What the hell... This is a private journal!
0:18:49 > 0:18:54Trent is not an "affected twit".
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Sheeni, how would you like it if I read your journal?
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Go ahead.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10It's written in a shorthand of my own devising.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12A necessity for a girl with Christian parents.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- What does this say? - Wouldn't you like to know!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18That last passage would be of particular interest to you.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19I doubt that.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23I have no interest in reading about Trent's beautiful shoulders.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30I haven't made love with Trent, if that's what you wanna know.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34I've only made love once and it was less than erotic.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39But I hear it gets better with practise.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44You're a virgin. I can tell.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Kiss me, you weenie.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Sheeni, I think I love you. - Of course, you do.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Or your hormones certainly do.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- Sheeni!- Yes, Mother. I'm just here with Nick.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Let's see this young heathen.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33- Hello, Mrs Saunders. Nice to meet you.- I doubt that very much.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- See you tomorrow, Nick.- OK. Goodbye, Sheeni. Goodbye, Mrs Saunders.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40- Look into your soul, young man. Before it's too late.- I will.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49'Jerry found a trailer he wants to buy and insisted we check it out.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52'I told Sheeni I would write a book about her.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55'She said it was a terrible idea.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Jerry, all the closets are full of mouse doodies.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- I might take 950.- Nine hundred. - 9-10.- We're in business.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10(SHEENI SQUEALS WITH DELIGHT)
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Oh, come here. Come here, come here...!
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Aw...!
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- Nicky, look, isn't he cute? - He's adorable.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22How much?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Ten dollars.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36All I have is a Subway card with four stickers.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Sold!
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Thank you, Nicky.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- I think I'm going to name him Albert - Mm-hm.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- After Albert Camus.- Oh.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11'That night was my first indisputable make-out session with a girl.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14'After grappling in the warm darkness with Sheeni,
0:22:14 > 0:22:16I found a note in my back pocket.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19'I thought she had been caressing my ass.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24"Dear Nick. Please excuse me for reading your journal.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27"I have found that people who can resist temptation
0:22:27 > 0:22:30"invariably lead depressingly stunted lives.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33"Naturally, I was charmed by what you wrote about me.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37"Your contemplation of suicide and your invention of Martha
0:22:37 > 0:22:41"cannot help but evoke a strong emotional response in my breast.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46"We are both young. Let's just live, and what happens will happen.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49"Yours affectionately, Sheeni."
0:22:49 > 0:22:50(DOOR OPENS)
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I have to leave today.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Jerry threw his back out last night in bed with my mother,
0:23:04 > 0:23:09so he has to be reunited with his painkillers back in Oakland.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11We're leaving in an hour.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15So this'll be goodbye.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20- Goodbye.- You don't have to act so brave, Sheeni.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- I wouldn't judge you if you started to cry.- No, Nicky.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27It's Albert. He snuck out of my room last night.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30When I woke up, he had shredded the family Bible.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33My parents took it as a sign of evil.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- Now I have to find someone who'll take him.- Well, I'll take him.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38- You will?- Sure!
0:23:38 > 0:23:41I'll have to hide him from my mother, she can't stand dogs,
0:23:41 > 0:23:44but it's a risk I'm willing to take.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46He's our love child.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Sheeni, I can't stand the thought of you falling in love with some
0:23:50 > 0:23:52egotistical poet while I'm gone.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I've had a great time with you.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58It was a really lovely summer fling.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01But I can't put my whole life on hold.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04You don't even live here.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07We could run away together. Escape our families.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Live like outlaws together.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12No offence, Nicky, but it's not exactly in your constitution.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16What if my dad could get a job here in Ukiah and I come live with him?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19My mother depends on the child-support money
0:24:19 > 0:24:21but maybe I could get kicked out.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23That's a lot of what-ifs.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Do you think you could help me find some job opportunities for my dad?
0:24:27 > 0:24:32- It's possible.- We can do this, Sheeni. This can happen.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Well, look at you taking control of the situation.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I'll do whatever I have to do.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43I've never had anything in my life that I wanted to fight for so much.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Then we'll have to figure out a way for you to be kicked out.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49You have to be bad, Nicky.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Be very, very bad.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57'I've a tall mountain to climb with many treacherous glaciers to cross.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00'But finally I have an entry visa to the paradise beyond.'
0:25:02 > 0:25:04I won't let him outta my sight.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Where's the Nova?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35See that, babe? They took it back.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Sailors are all talk, all the time.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- (Jerry...!) - Shit on a goddamn dick!
0:25:47 > 0:25:52I have spent 15 years trying to get this house to look perfect!
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Oh, God! Nick, get a pan! It's dripping on my new shag!
0:25:56 > 0:25:57I'll get a pan.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00You should've given that man his money back.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Holy shit. There's still water in the windshield thing.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08But how'd they even get it in here?
0:26:08 > 0:26:14Looks like they took it apart piece by piece, then reassembled it.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18It would take an army of mechanics to do that!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20(SIGHS) Or a Navy.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Or a Navy, baby.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26(ASHLEE SIMPSON MUSIC BLARES NEARBY)
0:26:33 > 0:26:35(ALBERT) Woof!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38I told my parents about my sister going all the way with Carlo.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Now she's playing that damn Ashlee Simpson album over and over.
0:26:41 > 0:26:45- My life is a living hell, Nick. It is a living hell.- Damn.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49I have something to cheer you up, my friend. His name is Albert.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53I don't know why you have a dog. You hate dogs.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54This is more than a dog.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58This is my only tangible link to the love of my life.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59You met a girl?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01She isn't just a girl, Lefty.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03She's a comely angel,
0:27:03 > 0:27:06sent to teach me about all that is good in the world.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Is she prettier than Millie Filbert?
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Lefty, after seeing Sheeni you would look at Millie
0:27:12 > 0:27:15and you would see no more than a slatternly wench
0:27:15 > 0:27:20trying to muddy your perception of what a pretty girl should be.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23How do I know you're not making this girl up?
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Oh, wow.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Your life has really changed since I last saw you, Nick.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33How are things going with Millie?
0:27:33 > 0:27:38Oh, um, I got this book - Lovemaking For Advanced Gourmets.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I'm lookin' up some tips so I can really blow her mind.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43For instance, one in here...
0:27:43 > 0:27:46You're supposed to stick your pinkie inside of a girl's bumhole.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- Liar.- Read it and weep. I have it marked right there.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57I think Sheeni might find this pinkie technique less than romantic.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Lefty, could I borrow this?
0:27:58 > 0:28:01- Might be some things I should know. - Yeah, it's fine.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05(PHONE RINGS)
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Hello?
0:28:08 > 0:28:09'Hi, Nicky.'
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Have you any misdeeds to report?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14'I'm working on it.'
0:28:14 > 0:28:16- 'Nicky...' - You sound concerned.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18'If you don't take the initiative,'
0:28:18 > 0:28:21how will you feel when I marry Francois?
0:28:21 > 0:28:24- Who's Francois? - My future French husband.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28- Huh.- 'Well, I mean, I can't wait for you forever.'
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Nick, how is my darling Albert?
0:28:32 > 0:28:35'Albert is great.'
0:28:35 > 0:28:38We've been going on these bonding jogs twice daily, which he loves.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41I've been enjoying them too. Getting me into great physical shape.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43'That's wonderful, darling.'
0:28:44 > 0:28:47'My one and only love needs me to be bad.
0:28:47 > 0:28:52'To overcome the inhibitions that compel me to be law-abiding
0:28:52 > 0:28:54#polite to my elders and excessively nice,
0:28:54 > 0:28:57'I have decided to create a supplementary persona
0:28:57 > 0:28:59'named Francois Dillinger.
0:29:00 > 0:29:01'Bold,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04'contemptuous of authority
0:29:04 > 0:29:06'and irresistible to women.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08'Francois is just the type of aggressive sociopath
0:29:08 > 0:29:13'who can wage and win, a war of nerves.'
0:29:13 > 0:29:15- (ESTELLE SCREAMS)- NO!
0:29:15 > 0:29:18Are...you sure?
0:29:20 > 0:29:24Better give your mother a hug, son.
0:29:25 > 0:29:30'Turns out Jerry had a heart attack in a Dallas bar and took it badly.
0:29:30 > 0:29:31'He died.'
0:29:31 > 0:29:33When will the body arrive?
0:29:34 > 0:29:37I'm afraid it's already been shipped, ma'am.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39To his wife.
0:29:39 > 0:29:40His wife?! (SOBS)
0:29:41 > 0:29:43Yes, ma'am. His wife.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48It's also my duty to inform you she wishes to claim the Lincoln,
0:29:48 > 0:29:50which he registered to this address.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52(SOBS)
0:29:59 > 0:30:00It's OK... It's gonna be OK.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02There, there...!
0:30:02 > 0:30:04You're OK.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19Those are my records! What are you doing?
0:30:19 > 0:30:22You won't get this girl by listening to records and jerking off.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25That wasn't my entire plan.
0:30:25 > 0:30:27What is your plan, shithead?
0:30:27 > 0:30:30Slouching around while Trent boy has her on his lap?
0:30:30 > 0:30:33I don't need you right now. I need to think.
0:30:33 > 0:30:37Well, I'm not leaving till you sink your filthy dick in this tomato.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40Not until you get what you want.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43It's time to rebel, Nick.
0:30:43 > 0:30:45It's time to be bad.
0:30:45 > 0:30:49It's not a good day for it. Mom's had devastating news.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51That's perfect.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53She's vulnerable.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55She's fragile.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58Now, what does she value more than anything?
0:30:58 > 0:31:01She values her things.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11'With the guidance of Francois I quickly transformed myself
0:31:11 > 0:31:13'into a textbook juvenile delinquent.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17'Sheeni has also held up her end of the bargain
0:31:17 > 0:31:21'by finding Dad work at a trade magazine called Progressive Plywood.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24'She pretended to be a head-hunter and pitched him the job.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26'She said it took some convincing on her part.'
0:31:26 > 0:31:31- Sounds cool, but I dunno much about wood.- That's not what I heard.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34'To my chagrin, the magazine is owned by Trent Preston's father.'
0:31:34 > 0:31:37- Lemme go first, this is heavy. - 'Sheeni said she'd no option.'
0:31:37 > 0:31:38Nice house.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Oh, thank you.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53Oh, thanks. That's it, over there.
0:31:55 > 0:31:56Oh, Nicky.
0:31:56 > 0:31:57Morning, everyone.
0:31:57 > 0:32:03Isn't it nice of Officer Westcott to drop by so early and have breakfast with us?
0:32:03 > 0:32:06Oh. Sure was. That was nice.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09Oh, your father called. He got a job in Ukiah.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12Wow, that's good for him. Good.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18Do you think it might be a good idea if I move in with him and Lacey for a bit?
0:32:18 > 0:32:20Nick, you know as well as I do that won't work.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23I depend on that child-support money to eat.
0:32:23 > 0:32:27Shouldn't you depend on child-support money to support your child?
0:32:27 > 0:32:31Hey...! Be nice to your mom, kid. She's grievin'.
0:32:36 > 0:32:39- (IN SHOWER)- When do I take this conditioner off?
0:32:39 > 0:32:41Leave it on three minutes.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47(LAUGHTER / SQUEALS)
0:32:47 > 0:32:51Shit. Those fuckers are taking a shower together.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53How repulsive.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00- OW! OW! OW! OW! - Shit! Shit!
0:33:00 > 0:33:02- Turn it off! - Fuck!
0:33:13 > 0:33:16What was all that racket last night?
0:33:21 > 0:33:23Nicky, I'm sorry if we disturbed you.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26You know, this is my home too.
0:33:26 > 0:33:30Suddenly some stranger is staying over and I'm not even consulted.
0:33:30 > 0:33:35What's with you, kid? Just mind your own damn business.
0:33:35 > 0:33:37You mind your business. He's my son.
0:33:39 > 0:33:40Nicky, you're right.
0:33:40 > 0:33:44I should've said Officer Westcott would be spending the evening.
0:33:44 > 0:33:46I'm sorry.
0:33:46 > 0:33:50I thought there were laws in the city against illicit cohabitation.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52Or are they just another policeman's joke?
0:33:52 > 0:33:57Kid, you're asking for trouble. Just don't. Just don't.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Or what are you gonna do?
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Shoot me with your gun?
0:34:01 > 0:34:04All right... Lance! OK, OK, OK...
0:34:04 > 0:34:07You just SHUT your mouth, right now. Right now.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10Thanks for breakfast. (CLATTER)
0:34:10 > 0:34:12Where are you going?
0:34:18 > 0:34:19(OPENS CAR DOOR)
0:34:22 > 0:34:24(LIQUID SLOSHES)
0:34:24 > 0:34:25What are those for?
0:34:25 > 0:34:28You and I are gonna find a nice quiet parking lot
0:34:28 > 0:34:30and set this baby on fire.
0:34:30 > 0:34:31I thought we were gonna wreck it.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Use your head.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36No sense getting killed for a girl.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38(SLOSHING LIQUID)
0:34:41 > 0:34:43(TYRES SCREECH / TOOTING)
0:34:43 > 0:34:45Sure you know what you're doing?!
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Relax, kid. I wrote the book.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50OK, pull over, pull over!
0:34:50 > 0:34:51We have to pull over.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54Pull over. Now.
0:34:54 > 0:34:55OK.
0:34:55 > 0:34:59We need to consider our actions and what the consequences will be.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01Listen, asshole.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04You've made the decisions for 16 years, and look at you.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07I'm here to rescue you from yourself.
0:35:07 > 0:35:09So be quiet, and let me blow some shit up.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12OK, one request, as this is my life.
0:35:12 > 0:35:16Can we keep it to the minimum amount of destruction possible?
0:35:16 > 0:35:18Yeah. Perfect. OK.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20Absolute minimum. That's good.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22I like that.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51(TOOTING)
0:36:20 > 0:36:21Oh.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23(SCREAMING)
0:37:22 > 0:37:25(TV) '..no deaths or major injuries were reported,
0:37:25 > 0:37:29'although some fire-fighters...'
0:37:29 > 0:37:30Hi, guys. How was dinner?
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Just keep your lips sewn, fucker!
0:37:32 > 0:37:36You stole your mother's car and trailer and set a 5 million fire?!
0:37:36 > 0:37:38I won't stand for such allegations!
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Nicky, they have a description of the arsonist.
0:37:41 > 0:37:46"White teenage male, approximately 5'9", 135lb, dirty blond hair,
0:37:46 > 0:37:52seen pulling a trailer with God's Perfect Asshole painted on it.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55That could be anyone.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57My only son is going to prison - what am I gonna do?!
0:37:57 > 0:38:00No, no, no, no, no...!
0:38:00 > 0:38:03Shhh...! It's gonna be OK.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05You know what? I'll tell you what.
0:38:05 > 0:38:09I'll just say that Nick reported the car stolen before the fire.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12- It'll get him off the hook. OK? - (ESTELLE SIGHS)
0:38:12 > 0:38:16But I could take some serious, serious heat for this.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18Oh, Lance, you are so wonderful.
0:38:18 > 0:38:23- What can I ever do to repay you? - I'll think of something...!
0:38:23 > 0:38:25Oh, but, you know what, baby?
0:38:25 > 0:38:31I don't think he should be here when the detectives come around. Right?
0:38:31 > 0:38:36So, um, the best thing to do is to send him away for a while.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42Let him go make his father's life miserable for a change!
0:38:42 > 0:38:45- But I like it here. - You're goin', buster!
0:38:47 > 0:38:51- 'Hello?'- Your son just burned down Berkeley. Come and get the brat!
0:38:51 > 0:38:53- 'Estelle?' - Start packing your bags.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55Oh, no, no...!
0:38:55 > 0:38:57Aren't you going to punish him?
0:38:57 > 0:39:00I'd say he deserves a good hiding.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04He's just too much for me any more. Can you do it, hon?
0:39:04 > 0:39:06Yeah, I could help you out.
0:39:12 > 0:39:14'I stepped away for a few minutes.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17'Francois volunteered to take the thrashing.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20'A painful sacrifice for the woman I love.'
0:39:20 > 0:39:22You through, big man?
0:39:27 > 0:39:30'So off we go to beautiful Ukiah.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32'Where soon I'll be in the warm embrace
0:39:32 > 0:39:34'of the mother of my future, gifted children.'
0:39:43 > 0:39:45- Hello? - 'Sheeni, it's Nick.'
0:39:47 > 0:39:50- 'Hi, darling. Where are you?' - 'I'm here. I'm in Ukiah.'
0:39:50 > 0:39:53'I'm living with my dad. My mother kicked me out.'
0:39:53 > 0:39:54How did you do it?
0:39:54 > 0:39:57I stole my mother's car and burned down half of Berkeley.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59'She HAD to send me away.'
0:39:59 > 0:40:02- 'Nicky, that's incredible.' - 'I did it for you, Sheeni.'
0:40:02 > 0:40:04I did it so we could be together.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07I bet you didn't think I had it in me, did you?
0:40:07 > 0:40:10That is so romantic, Nicky. I don't know what to say.
0:40:10 > 0:40:14It'll be like we planned. You, me and Albert - we'll all be together.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16Hello, Mr Saunders. Is Sheeni available, please?
0:40:16 > 0:40:18She most certainly is not.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21We know about what you did in Berkeley, young man.
0:40:21 > 0:40:26You are lucky I don't strangle you right here in Christ's eyes.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28You're the devil and that's a hell-beast.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31You're lucky we don't call the police to arrest you right now.
0:40:31 > 0:40:35- You're not gonna let me see Sheeni? - Sheeni's leaving. We're sending her away.
0:40:35 > 0:40:39- What?- To boarding school. Where she'll be safe!
0:40:39 > 0:40:42She's had a lot of bad influences here, you being the worst.
0:40:42 > 0:40:45But I'm in love with Sheeni. I can't live without her.
0:40:45 > 0:40:50- Live or die - we have no preference. - Stay out of our family life.
0:40:53 > 0:40:57'Later Sheeni called to say she'd turned disaster into an opportunity.
0:40:57 > 0:41:01'She convinced her parents to send her to a French prep school
0:41:01 > 0:41:03'200 miles away in Santa Cruz.
0:41:03 > 0:41:07'She says she's wanted to go to it since she was a little girl,
0:41:07 > 0:41:11'and that going there will improve her chances of a school in Paris.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13'Things are bad.'
0:41:13 > 0:41:15How can I eat with this dog staring at me?
0:41:15 > 0:41:18- He likes you, George. - Well, the feeling's not mutual.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22Nick, since you won't be getting an allowance,
0:41:22 > 0:41:25- you better think about getting a part-time job.- OK.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27There's an opening at my office.
0:41:27 > 0:41:31- Typing and filing after school. - Isn't that what that boy Trent does?
0:41:31 > 0:41:36Trent went away to some French- speaking prep school in Santa Cruz?
0:41:47 > 0:41:48- (ENGLISH ACCENT)- Hello.
0:41:48 > 0:41:53- You're new here, right?- Yeah. - I'm Vijay Joshi. Nice to meet you.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55Nick Twisp. Pleasure to meet you.
0:42:00 > 0:42:04- So, have you made many friends in Ukiah yet, Nick?- Not really.
0:42:04 > 0:42:06I moved here for my girlfriend,
0:42:06 > 0:42:09- now she's at a French school in Santa Cruz.- Sheeni Saunders?
0:42:09 > 0:42:13- Yeah. Did you know her? - We were locker neighbours.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15So you are her new fellow?
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Yeah.
0:42:17 > 0:42:18I'm surprised.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20Why's that?
0:42:20 > 0:42:23It's just that to replace the magnificent Trent Preston
0:42:23 > 0:42:26one expects at least a minor deity.
0:42:26 > 0:42:31Anyhow, it's good to know us shorter fellows still appeal to the ladies.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34Right. I believe I'm of average height for my age, Vijay.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Do tell Sheeni I say hello.
0:42:36 > 0:42:40How fortunate to attend L'Ecole des Arts. I've always wanted to go.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42- Do you speak French? - Yes, fluently.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45She says English is forbidden on campus.
0:42:45 > 0:42:49Even if you are haemorrhaging from an accidental limb amputation.
0:42:50 > 0:42:54Her roommate from New York, Taggarty has already slept with 17 guys,
0:42:54 > 0:42:58and hopes to make 50 before college. I really must meet this girl.
0:42:58 > 0:43:01- Keep going. - Trent has taken up windsurfing
0:43:03 > 0:43:06and become target number one among all the girls in her class.
0:43:06 > 0:43:08She's trying not to be jealous
0:43:08 > 0:43:10but sometimes has twinges of distress.
0:43:10 > 0:43:14She says Trent's presence on campus came as a shock to her
0:43:14 > 0:43:18and that it is merely a coincidence they transferred to the same school.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Yeah. Somehow I can't feature that.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23Trent has expressed an interest in mending the relationship
0:43:23 > 0:43:27and getting on like adults. I think, all in all, she's happy
0:43:27 > 0:43:29and will grow in this rich intellectual environment.
0:43:29 > 0:43:32- I don't like the sound of this.- No.
0:43:32 > 0:43:35- Her roommate sounds like a bad influence.- Certainly uninhibited.
0:43:35 > 0:43:38I wonder if she likes intelligent boys.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41That Trent Preston will mindfuck her into thinking she's too good for me.
0:43:41 > 0:43:45And, then, probably fuck her in more literal ways.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48I've gotta go there and find out what's going on.
0:43:48 > 0:43:52- Perhaps I could accompany you and meet this magnificent Taggarty.- OK.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55- How will we get there? - We could use my grandmother's car.
0:43:55 > 0:43:57Will she let us have it?
0:43:57 > 0:44:00She's currently on life-support, permission is not a salient issue.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02Vijay, that's great!
0:44:04 > 0:44:06(JACQUES DUTRONC: Les Cactus)
0:44:41 > 0:44:44Excuse me. Do you guys know a Sheeni Saunders?
0:44:47 > 0:44:49Very helpful.
0:44:52 > 0:44:54Excuse me, do you know Sheeni Saunders?
0:44:54 > 0:44:56(SPEAKS FRENCH) Are you fucking kidding me?!
0:44:57 > 0:44:59- Do you see her?- Afraid not.
0:45:01 > 0:45:03- Do you guys know a Sheeni Saunders? - Quoi?- Sheeni Saunders?
0:45:03 > 0:45:05- Do you speak English?- Non. - Do you speak English?
0:45:05 > 0:45:09- Je ne comprends pas du tout. - You don't speak English? Liar.
0:45:09 > 0:45:12Bullshit. Speak English to me. Nobody speaks English?
0:45:12 > 0:45:15This is America. (PUPIL SPEAKS FRENCH) You fucking kidding me?!
0:45:15 > 0:45:17Nick?!
0:45:17 > 0:45:18Sheeni.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21- Albert!- (Woof! Woof!)
0:45:21 > 0:45:22Hello...!
0:45:22 > 0:45:24Hi.
0:45:28 > 0:45:33- (SHEENI)- I can't believe you came all this way. And with Albert.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35I had to see you, Sheeni.
0:45:35 > 0:45:38- I can't stop thinking about you. - That's sweet.
0:45:39 > 0:45:42- And Albert won't stop talking about you.- Aw...!
0:45:42 > 0:45:44(SPEAKS FRENCH)
0:46:09 > 0:46:13You two boys shouldn't sleep in your car tonight. It might not be safe.
0:46:13 > 0:46:17- We could sneak you in after lights-out.- Sounds great.- I'm in.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29There's your competition.
0:46:29 > 0:46:31(DOOR OPENS)
0:47:40 > 0:47:42(MATCH BEING STRUCK)
0:47:44 > 0:47:49You think that Trent fellow would sleep on the floor?
0:48:00 > 0:48:02- Hey.- Hey.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11I'm sorry, sweetie. Not with other people in the room.
0:48:16 > 0:48:17OK.
0:48:23 > 0:48:25- Good night. - 'Night.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40(RETCHING)
0:48:46 > 0:48:49(TOILET FLUSHES)
0:48:55 > 0:48:57Who are you?
0:48:57 > 0:49:00I'm Sheeni's friend Nick. I'm sorry to have disturbed you.
0:49:00 > 0:49:03It's OK. You don't have to go.
0:49:04 > 0:49:08So are you Sheeni's boyfriend or something?
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Yeah.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12- And you're spending the night? - Mm-hm.
0:49:12 > 0:49:15- Where's Taggarty?- She's sleeping.
0:49:15 > 0:49:18- A friend and I are camping out on the floor.- I get it.
0:49:18 > 0:49:22- A slumber party. - (WEAKLY) Yeah...
0:49:22 > 0:49:23I'm Bernice.
0:49:23 > 0:49:26Bernice Lynch. Not that you asked.
0:49:26 > 0:49:30Bernice Lynch, that's a very pretty name.
0:49:30 > 0:49:33I think that my friend Trent Preston might have mentioned you.
0:49:33 > 0:49:38Yeah, Bernice Lynch... But he said you were frumpy and unpresentable.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41But now I've met you, I see Trent is a lying bastard.
0:49:41 > 0:49:43Maybe I should stop being his friend
0:49:43 > 0:49:47if he goes round calling you trashy-looking. Who would do that?
0:49:47 > 0:49:51But he's been very touchy since he started doing steroids.
0:49:51 > 0:49:54- Trent does steroids? - He does a LOT of steroids.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57Says it's to ensure he becomes the best windsurfer.
0:49:57 > 0:49:59He figures since he can't write poetry and has to plagiarise...
0:49:59 > 0:50:02You mean...all his poetry is stolen?
0:50:02 > 0:50:06Course! It's all classic Bobby Frost. Every word.
0:50:06 > 0:50:09Trent and Sheeni can go to hell.
0:50:14 > 0:50:17(RHYTHMIC CREAKING)
0:50:17 > 0:50:19(DOOR HINGES CREAK)
0:50:22 > 0:50:25(RHYTHMIC CREAKING CONTINUES)
0:50:35 > 0:50:37- Hey.- Hi.
0:50:39 > 0:50:42Hey, it's a bit cold on the floor.
0:50:42 > 0:50:48- Is it?- Yeah. Do you think maybe I could cuddle next to you?
0:50:50 > 0:50:52The whole night?
0:50:53 > 0:50:55Yeah.
0:50:57 > 0:51:00Yeah, I guess that'd be OK.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03Or we could do more than just cuddle.
0:51:03 > 0:51:05Nick...!
0:51:05 > 0:51:08Ooh, I love when you say my name.
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Now why don't you pull down these blankets
0:51:10 > 0:51:14- and show what you're hiding? - Is that what you want me to do?
0:51:14 > 0:51:16Say yes.
0:51:16 > 0:51:18That is exactly what I want you to do.
0:51:18 > 0:51:21And then I wanna tickle your belly button.
0:51:21 > 0:51:24From the inside.
0:51:24 > 0:51:27Nick, you're being so BAD...!
0:51:27 > 0:51:32Not half as bad as the nasty things I wanna do right now with my tongue.
0:51:32 > 0:51:36I'll wrap your legs around my head and wear you like the crown you are.
0:51:36 > 0:51:40(VIGOROUS CREAKING ABOVE) If that's OK with you.
0:51:47 > 0:51:51- My God, what's gotten into you? - I dunno, but let's go with it.
0:51:53 > 0:51:56Qu'est-ce qui se passe ici? OH!
0:51:56 > 0:51:59Petit cochon! Petit cochon!
0:51:59 > 0:52:01(ALL SHOUT IN FRENCH)
0:52:03 > 0:52:06- Nous allons partir maintenant, madame.- Viens ici! Viens ici!
0:52:09 > 0:52:13(ALL SHOUT IN FRENCH EXCEPT NICK, ALBERT BARKS)
0:52:16 > 0:52:17Nick!
0:52:17 > 0:52:19Nick! You have to take Albert!
0:52:19 > 0:52:21(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
0:52:29 > 0:52:31C'est pas fini! C'est pas fini!
0:52:33 > 0:52:36Attends!
0:52:37 > 0:52:39Revenez!
0:52:40 > 0:52:42(ENGINE STARTS)
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Je n'oublierai pas ton visage!
0:52:46 > 0:52:48God, we were so close. Fuck!
0:52:49 > 0:52:50How was it, Vijay?
0:52:50 > 0:52:52It was magnificent.
0:52:52 > 0:52:54I fear it could be terribly addicting.
0:52:54 > 0:52:58This night has ignited in me a lust of disturbing insatiability!
0:52:58 > 0:52:59Yeah, well, congratulations.
0:52:59 > 0:53:01Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. (THUMPS DASHBOARD)
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Fuck. Fuck.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05(ENGINE IS NOT RUNNING) Fuck.
0:53:06 > 0:53:08Fuck, man... Fuck.
0:53:12 > 0:53:13Fuck.
0:53:15 > 0:53:16(RINGING TONE)
0:53:16 > 0:53:18- (MAN)- 'Hello?'
0:53:18 > 0:53:20Mr Ferguson, it's Nick.
0:53:20 > 0:53:22'Oh, Nick boy. How are you, son?'
0:53:22 > 0:53:24Not so good, Mr Ferguson.
0:53:24 > 0:53:26I'm attempting to smuggle a young illegal immigrant
0:53:26 > 0:53:30who's fleeing political oppression on the subcontinent to Ukiah,
0:53:30 > 0:53:34but we've become stranded and face not reaching the sanctuary at all.
0:53:34 > 0:53:36'Oh, dear. The poor lad.'
0:53:36 > 0:53:40Yeah, it's breaking my heart. He's got the saddest look on his face.
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Those poor girls.
0:53:44 > 0:53:47They'll likely notify their parents, perhaps even expel them.
0:53:49 > 0:53:50Expel them?
0:53:50 > 0:53:52Oh, my God, you're right.
0:53:52 > 0:53:54They'll be expelled.
0:53:54 > 0:53:57Sheeni, will have to come back to Ukiah.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01Bernice, you sweet angel of the lavatory!
0:54:01 > 0:54:03(CAR APPROACHES) Come on.
0:54:06 > 0:54:08Mr Ferguson.
0:54:10 > 0:54:14Good heavens! You boys must be freezing!
0:54:15 > 0:54:18And this must be the little soldier.
0:54:21 > 0:54:23Welcome!
0:54:25 > 0:54:27What's happened to your clothes, son?
0:54:29 > 0:54:32- (SUBCONTINENTAL ACCENT) - INS took them.
0:54:32 > 0:54:34Damn them!
0:54:34 > 0:54:38When I was arriving by the customs, sir. It was so terrible.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41They told me I was even lucky to keep my knickers.
0:54:42 > 0:54:45Well, that nightmare is over.
0:54:45 > 0:54:50And why don't you have any clothes on, Nick?
0:54:50 > 0:54:52Solidarity.
0:54:56 > 0:55:00- Thanks for getting us, Mr Ferguson. - Ahh..!
0:55:00 > 0:55:03- So this safe house is in Ukiah? - That's right.
0:55:03 > 0:55:06- And you're certain they'll take care of him?- Oh, yeah.
0:55:06 > 0:55:09They'll treat him as if he were their own.
0:55:13 > 0:55:17'After we dropped Vijay off, I asked Mr Ferguson to spend the night.
0:55:17 > 0:55:19'It'd be a chance for Dad to reciprocate
0:55:19 > 0:55:22'for all the nights he spent on Mr Ferguson's couch
0:55:22 > 0:55:24'before he and Mom finally tossed in the towel.
0:55:24 > 0:55:28'Mr Ferguson agreed not to tell Dad about the refugee.
0:55:28 > 0:55:31'He understands you may have to lie for a greater cause.'
0:55:31 > 0:55:33(MUFFLED SHOUTING WITHIN)
0:55:33 > 0:55:36- ..SEXIST DRUNK!- Hey, honey, it doesn't bother me
0:55:36 > 0:55:37if YOU wanna sleep alone.
0:55:37 > 0:55:41Does it bother you being a boring, selfish lover?
0:55:43 > 0:55:47Hey, I ran into Mr Ferguson downtown. OK if he spends the night?
0:55:47 > 0:55:50What the hell are you doing in your underwear?
0:55:53 > 0:55:55Hi, Nick.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01Want a hit?
0:56:01 > 0:56:03Sorry, do I know you?
0:56:03 > 0:56:05- (INHALES DEEPLY)- I'm Paul.
0:56:05 > 0:56:08Sheeni's older brother.
0:56:08 > 0:56:10Come on in.
0:56:28 > 0:56:31- How'd you know it was me, Paul? - We met.
0:56:33 > 0:56:35No, we haven't.
0:56:35 > 0:56:36In a previous life.
0:56:36 > 0:56:37Oh.
0:56:40 > 0:56:42Nice fire.
0:56:42 > 0:56:45Did Sheeni tell you that was me?
0:56:45 > 0:56:48She didn't have to.
0:56:48 > 0:56:51Why? Was I an arsonist in a previous life?
0:56:51 > 0:56:52No.
0:56:52 > 0:56:54But Sheeni was.
0:57:07 > 0:57:09That's very good.
0:57:09 > 0:57:12So, I spoke with Taggarty on the phone this morning.
0:57:12 > 0:57:15She's requested a wallet-sized photograph for her wall.
0:57:15 > 0:57:17- Did they get expelled? - No.
0:57:17 > 0:57:20Taggarty was able to convince the matron it was all innocent.
0:57:20 > 0:57:22Innocent? Are you kidding me?!
0:57:22 > 0:57:26I could've cut the sexual intercourse in that room with a knife!
0:57:28 > 0:57:31'Francois feels a man can only take so much,
0:57:31 > 0:57:35'before dignity demands he rise up against an absurd, unjust universe.
0:57:35 > 0:57:38'I'm going to need a partner in crime.
0:57:39 > 0:57:43'Dear Bernice, it was nice meeting you this weekend in the bathroom.
0:57:43 > 0:57:45'I hope your stomach has settled.
0:57:45 > 0:57:48'I know you informed the matron of our presence
0:57:48 > 0:57:50'but I want you to know I hold no grudge.
0:57:50 > 0:57:53'You were upset from hearing what Trent has been saying about you,
0:57:53 > 0:57:55'and probably weren't yourself.
0:57:55 > 0:58:00'I think Trent needs to be taught a lesson for calling you a fat cow
0:58:00 > 0:58:01'and an ugly whore.
0:58:01 > 0:58:05'I suggest you take revenge by getting Sheeni kicked out of school.
0:58:05 > 0:58:09'Everyone knows it would crush Trent if she were sent away.
0:58:09 > 0:58:12'How to get her kicked out of school, you may ask?
0:58:12 > 0:58:15'I have included a number of sleeping pills with this note.
0:58:15 > 0:58:19'Introduce one into her breakfast beverage each morning.
0:58:19 > 0:58:22'She may be intelligent and beautiful but she won't pass her courses
0:58:22 > 0:58:25'if she is falling asleep in class.
0:58:25 > 0:58:28'Since meeting you, I realise my interest in Sheeni
0:58:28 > 0:58:31'was merely an adolescent infatuation.
0:58:31 > 0:58:33'You seem like a much more genuine person.
0:58:33 > 0:58:37'By the way, do you suppose there is any truth to the rumours
0:58:37 > 0:58:39'that Trent lost his virginity to his first cousin?
0:58:39 > 0:58:43'Maybe you could ask around and see if anyone else heard that.
0:58:43 > 0:58:46'Be strong, Bernice. Take courage.
0:58:47 > 0:58:49'Affectionately yours, Nick Twisp.'
0:58:56 > 0:58:59(HELPLESS GIGGLING)
0:58:59 > 0:59:00Hi, folks.
0:59:00 > 0:59:03Hi, Nick.
0:59:03 > 0:59:06I didn't realise you two knew each other.
0:59:06 > 0:59:09We met the other day and got to talking
0:59:09 > 0:59:15and realised we both knew you. Isn't life funny? Paul, don't you think?
0:59:15 > 0:59:17- (PAUL)- Only slightly.
0:59:18 > 0:59:22We saved you some mushrooms, Nick. It's gonna change your life.
0:59:22 > 0:59:25They're pretty powerful, so only take two.
1:00:06 > 1:00:07Have fun.
1:00:09 > 1:00:12(EMITS LONG SINGLE NOTE)
1:00:18 > 1:00:22(LITTLE WINGS) # In your eye
1:00:22 > 1:00:27# In your eye I will spy
1:00:32 > 1:00:36# In your head
1:00:36 > 1:00:43# In your ear, I will whisper
1:00:43 > 1:00:46# Whisper
1:00:47 > 1:00:51# I will not be your prisoner
1:00:51 > 1:00:54# I will not be your prisoner
1:00:56 > 1:00:58# In your eye
1:01:00 > 1:01:02# In your sky
1:01:03 > 1:01:06# In your ear
1:01:06 > 1:01:10# In your head
1:01:10 > 1:01:14# I will dream in...
1:01:14 > 1:01:16# Love...
1:01:16 > 1:01:17# Love... #
1:01:17 > 1:01:19(MUSIC SUDDENLY DIES AWAY)
1:01:21 > 1:01:25(SINGLE NOTE ON HORN CONTINUES)
1:01:32 > 1:01:34Lacey!
1:01:34 > 1:01:36What in fuck are you people doing?!
1:01:37 > 1:01:40Nick, what the fuck is going on?
1:01:40 > 1:01:42OK, George. Just calm down now.
1:01:42 > 1:01:46- Who the...?- Calm down before the neighbours call the sheriff.
1:01:48 > 1:01:50OK, Lacey, c'mon.
1:01:54 > 1:01:58- OK, you all right? You can get up. - Get your hands off me, you fuck!
1:01:58 > 1:02:00- Easy, George. - Fuck!
1:02:02 > 1:02:04Fuck!
1:02:04 > 1:02:06I apologise.
1:02:11 > 1:02:13Bye, guys.
1:02:15 > 1:02:17Bye, Nicky.
1:02:17 > 1:02:20Hey, Nick, y'know, Sheeni's coming home for Thanksgiving dinner.
1:02:20 > 1:02:22You should be there.
1:02:22 > 1:02:24But, Paul, your parents despise me.
1:02:24 > 1:02:28Dinner's at two. Hope you like turkey.
1:02:28 > 1:02:29I love it.
1:02:38 > 1:02:40(PHONE RINGS)
1:02:42 > 1:02:44- Hello? - 'Nick.'
1:02:44 > 1:02:46- Hi, Mom. What's up? - 'Hi, honey. How are you?'- Fine, Mom.
1:02:46 > 1:02:48- Lance and I are through. - 'Oh.'
1:02:48 > 1:02:51He was being very rude to me.
1:02:51 > 1:02:54At my age, I don't have to stand for that.
1:02:54 > 1:02:55That's good to hear, Mom.
1:02:55 > 1:02:58Maybe you should try and be single for a while.
1:02:58 > 1:03:01Romances don't seem to be your calling in life.
1:03:01 > 1:03:05Nicky, when Lance stormed out he said he was through covering for you
1:03:05 > 1:03:10'The police know you set that fire, and he told them where you are.'
1:03:10 > 1:03:13Nicky, they're coming to arrest you.
1:03:15 > 1:03:17OK, Mom. Thanks for calling. Happy Thanksgiving.
1:03:24 > 1:03:28You're still going over there?! We need to get out town.
1:03:28 > 1:03:29What about Sheeni?
1:03:30 > 1:03:34Think. Is this bitch worth going to jail for?
1:03:54 > 1:03:58- Oh, hi, Nick.- Hi, Paul. - Right on time. Come on in.
1:03:58 > 1:04:00- I brought maple bars for dessert. - Fantastic.
1:04:00 > 1:04:02- They're really good. - They smell good.
1:04:02 > 1:04:03Hello.
1:04:03 > 1:04:07- Happy Thanksgiving, Nicky. - Oh, hey, Lacey.
1:04:07 > 1:04:10- I brought some maple bars. - Thank you! I'll set them out.
1:04:10 > 1:04:13Mr and Mrs Saunders, you remember Nick, don't you?
1:04:16 > 1:04:18Hi.
1:04:19 > 1:04:26- Paul served them an appetiser earlier.- Stuffed mushrooms.
1:04:29 > 1:04:30Oh.
1:04:33 > 1:04:34Hey.
1:04:35 > 1:04:37- Nick.- Sheeni.
1:04:39 > 1:04:41What's wrong? What's wrong?
1:04:43 > 1:04:45What?
1:04:45 > 1:04:47I was expelled.
1:04:49 > 1:04:51What? Why?
1:04:53 > 1:04:56For falling asleep in class.
1:04:56 > 1:04:58For my grades.
1:04:58 > 1:05:01I'm stuck back here with my parents in this horrible trailer.
1:05:01 > 1:05:05My brother's lost his mind. He's drugged everyone.
1:05:07 > 1:05:09- Let's get out of here. - What?
1:05:11 > 1:05:13Let's run away together.
1:05:14 > 1:05:18The police are after me. They know that I started the fire.
1:05:18 > 1:05:22But we could be outlaws together, just like we planned.
1:05:23 > 1:05:27- I have to think. - <- Sheeni! Dinner's ready!
1:05:33 > 1:05:35Everything's really delicious.
1:05:35 > 1:05:37Paul prepared the entire meal.
1:05:37 > 1:05:41He just loves all the traditional Thanksgiving foods.
1:05:48 > 1:05:51I hope it's the first of many such occasions for myself.
1:05:53 > 1:05:55(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1:05:55 > 1:05:58- I'll get it. - (MOTHER, WEAKLY)- Is someone here?
1:06:03 > 1:06:05- Trent! - Happy Thanksgiving, sweetie.
1:06:05 > 1:06:09- What are you doing here? - Can I come in?- Of course.
1:06:10 > 1:06:12Hello, everyone.
1:06:14 > 1:06:16Trent, this is Lacey, Paul's friend.
1:06:16 > 1:06:20- Yes, we've met before at my father's office.- Yes!
1:06:20 > 1:06:22- You're looking wonderful, Lacey! - Thank you!
1:06:22 > 1:06:28- Happy Thanksgiving!- You too.- It's great to see you.- And this is Nick.
1:06:31 > 1:06:32Hello, Nick.
1:06:32 > 1:06:34Hello, Trent.
1:06:34 > 1:06:37- Have a seat, Trent. - I'm sorry, Sheeni, but I can't.
1:06:37 > 1:06:40In fact, I have a bit of bad news.
1:06:40 > 1:06:45- What is it?- I searched the room of Bernice Lynch from top to bottom.
1:06:45 > 1:06:49Did you obtain proper authorisation from the school officials?
1:06:49 > 1:06:52No, Nick. I acted on my own initiative.
1:06:52 > 1:06:55I was curious as to why a girl as sweet as Bernice
1:06:55 > 1:06:58would colour me in such an unflattering light.
1:06:58 > 1:07:02In Bernice's closet, I found...this letter.
1:07:02 > 1:07:03(PLAYS DRAMATIC CHORD CHANGE)
1:07:05 > 1:07:09In the letter, the writer expresses a strong affection for Bernice...
1:07:09 > 1:07:12and instructs her in a programme of sedating Sheeni
1:07:12 > 1:07:15with drugs that he himself supplied.
1:07:15 > 1:07:18Nicky, you didn't. You could've killed me!
1:07:18 > 1:07:20- Oh, Nicky...! - Bad break, Nick.
1:07:20 > 1:07:23- Who died? - No one yet, Mrs Saunders.
1:07:23 > 1:07:26- Arrest him! - I can't arrest him.
1:07:26 > 1:07:30But I have called the Santa Cruz police and they're on their way.
1:07:31 > 1:07:33Well, I'll be leaving.
1:07:33 > 1:07:35Please continue without me.
1:07:42 > 1:07:43Nick.
1:07:43 > 1:07:48I would advise you to stay here, and face the consequences like a man.
1:07:50 > 1:07:53Well, thank you for that unsolicited counsel, Trent.
1:07:53 > 1:07:55And please do drop dead.
1:08:00 > 1:08:02Goodbye, Sheeni.
1:08:04 > 1:08:07(MRS SAUNDERS PLAYS OMINOUS CHORDS)
1:08:38 > 1:08:40(SIRENS APPROACHING)
1:08:43 > 1:08:47(FRUIT BATS) # Baby, remember on the bus
1:08:47 > 1:08:50# And my hand was on your knee
1:08:50 > 1:08:56# When you love somebody It's hard to think about anything
1:08:56 > 1:08:58# But to breathe
1:08:59 > 1:09:05# Baby, I am the cub who is washed out in the flood
1:09:05 > 1:09:09# When you love somebody and bite your tongue
1:09:09 > 1:09:13# All you get is a mouthful of blood
1:09:13 > 1:09:14# OK...
1:09:36 > 1:09:38# When you love somebody
1:09:38 > 1:09:43# It's hard to think about anything but to breathe
1:09:45 > 1:09:47Dad! Dad, help me. We need to get outta here!
1:09:47 > 1:09:52- We need to leave.- Nick, where've you been? The cops are looking for you.
1:09:52 > 1:09:57- They found my illegal satellite dish...- Dad! We need to go.
1:09:57 > 1:10:00- I need you to put me up in a motel. Or something.- Are you fucking crazy?
1:10:00 > 1:10:05- Do you expect me to let you get away with all this?- I'm calling the cops.
1:10:05 > 1:10:08Dad, are you gonna send your only son to prison?!
1:10:08 > 1:10:11Hey, I don't need a lecture from a fucking arsonist!
1:10:11 > 1:10:14At least gimme the car so I can get outta here.
1:10:14 > 1:10:18If you think I'd give you my car you got another think coming!
1:10:19 > 1:10:22- Dad! - You're not a little kid any more!
1:10:24 > 1:10:26- You gotta face the music, Nick. - Dad...
1:10:32 > 1:10:34(RATTLE OF KEYS)
1:10:37 > 1:10:38Nick!
1:10:41 > 1:10:45Open this door! Nick! I'm warning you, don't you do this!
1:10:46 > 1:10:48Nick!
1:10:48 > 1:10:50Open this door! You open this...
1:10:53 > 1:10:54Nick, get back here!
1:10:54 > 1:10:58You stop this car right now, I'm warning you! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!
1:11:22 > 1:11:25We're stopping to admire the scenery?
1:11:25 > 1:11:27I don't want to leave without Sheeni.
1:11:27 > 1:11:27Cut the shit.
1:11:27 > 1:11:30Maybe I can live as a woman. Change my name to Carlotta.
1:11:30 > 1:11:32Just start the fucking car.
1:11:32 > 1:11:34I can't leave with her hating me.
1:11:34 > 1:11:38I have to go back and tell her that everything I did was for her.
1:11:38 > 1:11:40Let me paint you a little picture.
1:11:40 > 1:11:44You go back, they bust you, you go to jail.
1:11:44 > 1:11:47Sheeni goes on with her life. Fuck Sheeni.
1:11:52 > 1:11:53(LOCKING BEEPS)
1:12:01 > 1:12:05All right. I'm gonna help you get back to your lady.
1:12:05 > 1:12:08But you better get laid this time.
1:12:08 > 1:12:13Cos if you go to jail a virgin, I won't be sticking around.
1:12:13 > 1:12:15Now give me 25 cents, Carlotta.
1:12:28 > 1:12:30- Officer Lance Westcott, please. - 'One moment.'
1:12:33 > 1:12:35'Officer Westcott.'
1:12:35 > 1:12:36Hey, asshole. It's me.
1:12:36 > 1:12:40'Nick...! You little shit! You know you're going to jail, right?'
1:12:40 > 1:12:42I'm calling to make it easy.
1:12:42 > 1:12:45Hazel Park - one hour. Round up your doughnut-dipping friends,
1:12:45 > 1:12:47I'm turning myself in. Fuck you.
1:12:48 > 1:12:50Holy shit, you've lost your mind.
1:12:54 > 1:12:55Wait.
1:13:56 > 1:13:57(TOOTS HORN)
1:13:57 > 1:14:00(HORN BLASTS HEARD IN DISTANCE)
1:15:02 > 1:15:07(NEWS ON TV)
1:15:12 > 1:15:15(TV) 'Repeating our top story - In Oakland a police source identified
1:15:15 > 1:15:18'Nicholas Twisp as a suspect in last September's massive fire
1:15:18 > 1:15:20'in downtown Berkeley.
1:15:20 > 1:15:24'We have an exclusive interview with one of Twisp's former classmates.
1:15:24 > 1:15:27'I just hope that society isn't too severe in judging Nicholas.
1:15:27 > 1:15:32'So often my generation is portrayed as a juvenile and wasteful group.
1:15:32 > 1:15:36'He needs help. And he's better off in the hands of the authorities.
1:15:36 > 1:15:39'Twisp is 5'9", 135lb,
1:15:39 > 1:15:42'with brown eyes, dirty-blond hair and a pale complexion.'
1:15:42 > 1:15:44'He was last seen in the vicinity of Ukiah.'
1:15:44 > 1:15:46- (DOOR CHIMES)- Who's that?
1:15:48 > 1:15:51(GIRL-ISH VOICE) Hello, Mrs Saunders. I'm Carlotta.
1:15:51 > 1:15:53- Sheeni's friend from school. - Oh. Hello there.
1:15:53 > 1:15:57I've come to memorise hymns with Sheeni for this Sunday's services.
1:15:57 > 1:16:01- Sheeni's coming to church?! - That's my understanding, yeah.
1:16:01 > 1:16:06- Oh, well, please... do come in! - Thank you. Thank you.
1:16:07 > 1:16:11Sheeni? Your friend Carlotta's here!
1:16:11 > 1:16:16Phil, this is Carlotta. She says Sheeni's coming to church on Sunday.
1:16:16 > 1:16:21- Well, nice to meet you, young lady. - Nice to meet you, Mr Saunders.
1:16:21 > 1:16:23Hello, Sheeni.
1:16:24 > 1:16:26Hello, Carlotta.
1:16:28 > 1:16:29May I come up?
1:16:37 > 1:16:39You got me expelled.
1:16:40 > 1:16:41I'm sorry, Sheeni.
1:16:41 > 1:16:46Do you realise what life is like for me here? Do you have any idea?
1:16:46 > 1:16:49Sheeni, I've been alone my whole life.
1:16:49 > 1:16:51I do know what it's like.
1:16:54 > 1:16:57I'd burn down Berkeley for you.
1:16:57 > 1:16:59I destroyed both of my parents' cars.
1:17:01 > 1:17:04I've lied and manipulated and had you sedated.
1:17:05 > 1:17:10I did all that so that...we wouldn't have to be alone any more.
1:17:18 > 1:17:21You're him, aren't you?
1:17:21 > 1:17:22I'm him?
1:17:22 > 1:17:24You're my Francois.
1:17:24 > 1:17:27You're the one I've been looking for.
1:17:33 > 1:17:36Sheeni, I want what you want.
1:17:36 > 1:17:40I wanna live all over the world and have adventures.
1:17:41 > 1:17:44But I'm not Francois.
1:17:45 > 1:17:49I'm the guy who saw you and fell in love with you
1:17:49 > 1:17:51and would do anything for you.
1:17:51 > 1:17:53That's who I am.
1:18:17 > 1:18:22I don't wanna give you this, but I don't have anything else to discard.
1:18:26 > 1:18:29Oh, thank you very much and here's your change.
1:18:29 > 1:18:31Always shop at Tesco.
1:19:13 > 1:19:17It's a wonder that humankind has constructed any kind of civilization
1:19:17 > 1:19:20with this monumental distraction at hand.
1:19:22 > 1:19:24(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1:19:25 > 1:19:27Trent!
1:19:27 > 1:19:30- What are you doing here? - I brought the police.
1:19:30 > 1:19:34I wasn't fooled for a second when I saw that ugly girl at your door.
1:19:34 > 1:19:37- You were lurking outside my house? - Of course.
1:19:37 > 1:19:39Protecting you.
1:19:39 > 1:19:41Trent, you're a very nice person
1:19:41 > 1:19:44but I just don't have those feelings for you.
1:19:45 > 1:19:48- You're going to jail. - Trent, I don't wanna hurt you,
1:19:48 > 1:19:52so if you and your adorable sweater would step away from...
1:19:59 > 1:20:01Come here you little shit! You son of a bitch!
1:20:01 > 1:20:02Get off of me!
1:20:04 > 1:20:06This is the arsonist!
1:20:06 > 1:20:08All right.
1:20:08 > 1:20:11Just relax. It's over.
1:20:13 > 1:20:16I might be away for a long time, darling.
1:20:16 > 1:20:18You're 16. You're going to juvenile detention.
1:20:18 > 1:20:22- You'll be out in three months. - So you'll wait for me?
1:20:23 > 1:20:26Where the hell else am I gonna go?
1:20:36 > 1:20:38# JO STAFFORD: My Romance
1:20:52 > 1:20:54'Well, I'm headed for a stint in juvenile detention.
1:20:54 > 1:20:59'I am at least comforted by the fact that I'm not going in a virgin.
1:20:59 > 1:21:04'And at lunch, when hardened offenders gather to swap tales of teenage rebellion,
1:21:04 > 1:21:06'I bet they'll find mine hard to top.
1:21:11 > 1:21:13'Sheeni says she'll wait for me,
1:21:13 > 1:21:17'and that when I'm released, we'll finally be together and free.
1:21:17 > 1:21:19'And I believe her.
1:21:22 > 1:21:25'I can feel in my heart that Sheeni is in love with me.
1:21:25 > 1:21:28'Not with some fantasy lover in a French romantic novel,
1:21:28 > 1:21:31'but with me, Nick Twisp.
1:21:32 > 1:21:35'It's funny... After all that,
1:21:35 > 1:21:37'Nick Twisp was enough.'
1:21:46 > 1:21:50(BEULAH) # I know he knocks you off your feet
1:21:50 > 1:21:53# You're so bitter, you think he's sweet
1:21:53 > 1:21:55# Well, he's wrong for you I swear
1:21:59 > 1:22:03# Did you forget to read the script?
1:22:03 > 1:22:06# There was never a role for him
1:22:06 > 1:22:08# It was always you and me
1:22:09 > 1:22:11# Just me
1:22:13 > 1:22:18# Popular mechanics for broken hearts
1:22:18 > 1:22:21# Could help me now
1:22:23 > 1:22:26# I know you never felt romance
1:22:26 > 1:22:30# And we always lack suspense
1:22:30 > 1:22:34# I can edit those parts out
1:22:36 > 1:22:40# I never made you feel complete
1:22:40 > 1:22:43# I would fall down beneath your feet
1:22:43 > 1:22:47# I would never bring you down so down
1:22:49 > 1:22:58# Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now
1:22:59 > 1:23:02# Just because he loves you too
1:23:02 > 1:23:05# He would never take a bullet for you
1:23:05 > 1:23:08# Don't believe a word he says
1:23:08 > 1:23:12# He would never cut his heart out for you
1:23:12 > 1:23:15# I heard he wrote you a song But so what
1:23:15 > 1:23:19# Some guy wrote 69
1:23:19 > 1:23:22# And one just ain't enough
1:23:22 > 1:23:26# And there is no sense in you tryin'
1:23:26 > 1:23:30# I know Cos I been trying all the time
1:23:30 > 1:23:32# To find
1:23:32 > 1:23:35# Something that would make you mine
1:23:35 > 1:23:38# But all I'll ever find, my love
1:23:38 > 1:23:41# Are cliches that don't rhyme...#
1:23:42 > 1:23:44Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd