0:00:33 > 0:00:38This film contains some strong language
0:01:13 > 0:01:15That was one hell of a bang.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18You ain't seen nothing yet.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Ugh! That is so gross.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- Ew! He's so old. - I know.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- She could be, like, his granddaughter.- That sucked.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Oh, my God! I don't believe it, you're...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56..Sean Connery!
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Oh, my God! Hi, Sean.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- Oh, Sean Connery! - Thank you.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09SAT NAV: 'Please make a right turn.'
0:02:12 > 0:02:16- 'Make a right turn.' - I heard you the first time.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22'You are now leaving Beverly Hills.'
0:02:28 > 0:02:31'Are you sure you want to be in this neighbourhood?'
0:02:31 > 0:02:33HE LAUGHS
0:02:42 > 0:02:45'You have arrived at your destination.'
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- Pride And Prejudice. - HE GROANS
0:02:54 > 0:02:58I remember hearing you once say, Mr Darcy,
0:02:58 > 0:03:01that you hardly ever forgave,
0:03:01 > 0:03:05and that your resentment, once created, was kind of unappeasable.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I guess you're very cautious to its being created...
0:03:10 > 0:03:12..and shit.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23My daughter Amanda put my name on the VIP list.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26We don't believe in VIP lists.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Do you know who I am?
0:03:28 > 0:03:33- Do any of us really know who we are?- Just give me a ticket.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Like, wow.
0:03:36 > 0:03:42And you never, like, allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- I hope not.- Cool.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48May I ask to what these questions tend?
0:03:48 > 0:03:53MAN: Isn't that Jefferson Steel? WOMAN: I thought he was dead.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I do not get you at all, man.
0:03:57 > 0:04:03I hear such different account of you that it's freaking me out.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Exceedingly.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Mr Steel?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18I don't want you to think I'm the kind of desperate actor who goes around giving people his resume,
0:04:18 > 0:04:20but here's my resume.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Hey, Dad.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25So, what did you think?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27CONVERSATIONS STOP
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I loved it.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Really?- Really.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41So, you really liked it?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- I hated it.- What?
0:04:43 > 0:04:48I think the director is a pretentious, talentless pervert.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Oh, that's just great.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54My first time doing a classic, playing the lead,
0:04:54 > 0:04:58and you're objecting to a small amount of justifiable nudity?
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Justifiable?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Forget it. - I don't get it.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04I've given you everything I know how to give you
0:05:04 > 0:05:06and you've thrown it right back in my face.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10I don't want your contacts, I don't want a fancy car,
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I don't want a house in Beverly Hills,
0:05:13 > 0:05:17and when I want some career advice, I'll ask someone who's got a career.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- YOUNG GIRL:- 'I'm ready for my close-up.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37'Where is it, Dad?
0:05:37 > 0:05:41'You never know what there could be in the desert.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43'Poisonous spiders, caterpillars...
0:05:48 > 0:05:52'Hi, Dad. Gotcha! Mwah!'
0:05:53 > 0:05:55HE CHUCKLES
0:05:57 > 0:05:59PHONE RINGS
0:06:05 > 0:06:06ANSWER PHONE: 'Hi, this is Amanda Blacke.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09'I can't take your call right now, so please leave a message.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13'Unless you're my father, in which case, forget it.'
0:06:13 > 0:06:18- BLEEP - That's very funny. Notice that I'm not laughing.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22'Now, who the hell is Amanda Blacke? You're Amanda Steel.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25'This is your father, call me some time.'
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Ring, damn you!
0:06:48 > 0:06:49PHONE RINGS
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- Charlie Rosenberg. - 'Charlie?'
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Jefferson.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Can I call you back? I'm in a meeting.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02'No, you're not, Charlie.'
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Really, now is not a good... Sorry, Mr Rosenberg.
0:07:04 > 0:07:10Hey, Jefferson! Ultimate Finality 4, what a movie!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13One of the worst films I ever made in my life.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15The motorcycle was cool.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18And since then, Charlie, nothing.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Where are the offers, Charlie?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23That's the problem with being a major star.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27There just aren't enough projects big enough for Jefferson Steel.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30You mean if I was less of a star, I could get a job?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Exactly. - You're full of shit.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Yes, I am.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39Charlie, if you don't get me a decent part, I'm out of here.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Are you threatening me?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- Isn't it obvious?- Of course.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Are you saying I can't do threatening?
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Nadine? Nadine, back me up here.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Tell Jefferson how good he is at threatening.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Oh, you're terrifically threatening. In fact, you're almost scary.
0:07:58 > 0:08:04You've got 24 hours to get me a job or I'm going to fire your sorry ass.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- Very good. Very, very good. - It's really very good.
0:08:18 > 0:08:24This is hopeless. Who am I kidding? Jefferson's going to fire me.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26My wife's going to divorce me, she'll take the house,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29she'll get the dogs, she'll get the kids...
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- Silver lining, huh? - It's not going to happen, Charlie.
0:08:34 > 0:08:39Your wife already divorced you, and your kids have kids.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Nadine.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43This is it.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46This is it.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Shakespeare?- Yeah.
0:08:52 > 0:08:58A benefit to save a community theatre in England? In the sticks?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Yeah!
0:09:00 > 0:09:04It's not even professional. Jefferson will never go for this.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Sure he will, he's desperate.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10And besides, he'll be 6,000 miles away before he figures it out.
0:09:10 > 0:09:16- This better be good, Charlie. - It's the best part there is, ever.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18What is it?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21King Lear.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- By Shakespeare? - That's the one.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25And guess where it is.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- Now, how in the hell should I know, Charlie?- England.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32It's your chance to reinvent yourself, get Jefferson Steel back on the map.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- By leaving the country? - Everyone has done England.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Nicole, Dustin, Gwyneth, Spacey. And here's the kicker...
0:09:41 > 0:09:46..none of them have ever done Shakespeare in Stratford.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- It's a no-brainer. - I don't know, Charlie.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54A man in my position, I have to consider all the options.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31- We'll be landing in about 40 minutes, OK?- Great, thanks.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Excuse me. So sorry to bother you, Mr Steel.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40No problem, honey. Who shall I sign it to?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43The United Kingdom Immigration Department.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44It's your landing card.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46I knew that.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Guarda! L'attore americano. Si, e lui!
0:10:57 > 0:11:01- E Tom Selleck!- Hey!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Hey, ciao, Tom!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07TV: 'We now go live to Heathrow Airport
0:11:07 > 0:11:08'for the Jefferson Steel press conference.'
0:11:08 > 0:11:11'This is a pretty big departure for your career, Mr Steel.'
0:11:11 > 0:11:13'I'm an actor. Theatre is my first love.'
0:11:13 > 0:11:16'Mr Steele, what made you say yes to this?'
0:11:16 > 0:11:20'Well, I get a lot of scripts sent to me. I think this one stood out.'
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- How so? - The writing showed real promise.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30Jefferson, can an American action hero really be King Lear?
0:11:30 > 0:11:35To be, or not to be, that is the question.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36That's Hamlet.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Jefferson, can you really save the theatre?
0:11:42 > 0:11:43I'll give it my best shot.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45But you'll be acting with amateurs.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48You guys are a bit too hard on yourselves.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Some British actors are pretty damn good.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58'Now boarding at Gate 11.'
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Mr Steel! How do you do, Mr Steel?
0:12:01 > 0:12:06I'm Dorothy Nettle. It's an honour to meet you.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Of course it is. Where's the limo?
0:12:13 > 0:12:18It's not exactly a stretch limo, but we can pick up Radio Ipswich.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22So, you just sit back and relax. It's about a two-and-a-half-hour drive.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26I'm sure I don't have to say it, but everyone's really looking forward to working with you.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29There's been a real buzz in the air since your agent told us you were coming.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31- As a matter of fact... - No offence,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34but I don't talk to the driver. It's in my contract.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- Nice meeting you, though.- Right.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Oh!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Welcome to Flint Farm, Mr Steel.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31DOG GROWLS Don't mind Monty, he's very friendly.
0:13:31 > 0:13:36- DOG BARKS - That's good, because if he bites me, I'll sue.
0:13:44 > 0:13:45Brr!
0:13:48 > 0:13:50This is such a privilege, Mr Steel.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I know.
0:13:52 > 0:13:57And can I say, you are so much younger than you look in your films.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Not that you look old in them - you look young.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Very young, especially in the old ones.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Is there anything you would like?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13A room with a bed, of course. That would be nice.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Of course. Yes, it's just at the top of the stairs.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19After you, Mr Steel.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28It's just the first door on the right, there.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32Oh, I love all your films, especially The Fugitive.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35I wasn't in The Fugitive.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- Are you sure? - Quite sure.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Ow! - Mind the beam.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Mmm-hmm.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51I've given you the master suite.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Where do I go to...you know, whiz?
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Take a pee.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01Yes, the facilities are down the corridor and on the right.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04We thought you'd prefer somewhere unpretentious.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Well, you were wrong.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13He's a real charmer, isn't he?
0:15:13 > 0:15:19It's how these stars get into their characters. It's what they call method acting.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24You see, King Lear is really grumpy,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27whereas if he was playing Romeo, he'd be a real sweetie.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33Where is the minibar? Where is the mini...
0:15:35 > 0:15:37There is no minibar!
0:15:38 > 0:15:41There is no minibar!
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- Are you going to be all right, Mary?- Oh, we'll be fine.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Could I have room service, please? This is Jefferson Steel. Hello? Hello?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55RECORDED MESSAGE: 'The number you have dialled has not been recognised.'
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Oh!
0:16:10 > 0:16:15It's 4:01 and we are not sleeping.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34DOG GROWLS
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Good doggy.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Eat, enjoy.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Now, where is that bathroom?
0:16:52 > 0:16:53BOTH YELP
0:16:53 > 0:16:58Oh, why... Oh, Mr Steel, this is a bit sudden.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02I was just looking for the... I needed to... I...
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- Yes?- Forget it.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- THUMP - Ow! Damn it.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25COCK CROWS
0:17:25 > 0:17:27DOG WHIMPERS
0:17:33 > 0:17:37So, how do you think film stars like their fried bread, Monty? Hmm? Hmm?
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Not too burnt. You're probably right. Would you like this?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44So, what's he like?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Well, he is very handsome.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Good for his age, well preserved.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57- You are just jealous. - Apparently, he's a sexaholic.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01I read it in a magazine. He's insatiable. Anything in a skirt.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- Really?- Mmm.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- THUMP - Oh! Damn it!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- Morning, Mr Steel. - Mmm-hmm.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28And what can I get you?
0:18:28 > 0:18:31I think a suite at the Four Seasons would be nice,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34and possibly a new pair of boots.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39The full English?
0:18:39 > 0:18:44I want a glass of guava juice, egg white frittata with brocollini,
0:18:44 > 0:18:48rice, cheese and peppers, and a non-fat latte.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51And toast?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- How's King Lear this morning? - I think he might be missing sex.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- Still grumpy? - Not as grumpy as when he finds out
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I haven't got any guavalini, frittata juice or egg-white lattes.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19No, don't tell him.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Good morning, Mr Steel.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26- It's you again. - Dorothy.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Dorothy.
0:19:28 > 0:19:33Would you tell your people that I'm just not happy with the accommodations?
0:19:33 > 0:19:37Mary, apparently Mr Steel isn't happy with the accommodation.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Well, I'm very sorry, but he's in the best room I've got.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42The management is very sorry, Mr Steel,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45but apparently you are occupying the best room available.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- HE CHUCKLES - You are joking, right?
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Are you joking, Mary? No, she's not joking.
0:19:53 > 0:19:54Oh.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Well, we have to set off, Mr Steel. Rehearsal begins in five minutes.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Tell the car to wait.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- Where's the car?- Oh, it's only a little walk from here.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10We don't walk in LA.
0:20:13 > 0:20:19I don't want to be unreasonable, but I do have a few basic requirements.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20Of course.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25I want a warm, warm trailer...
0:20:26 > 0:20:30..with a minibar, satellite TV and a hot tub.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- Is that all?- No.
0:20:33 > 0:20:39I also get a personal trainer and a spiritual healer on call 24/7.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43I'll see what I can do. Anything else?
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Yes. Can you do something about this...
0:20:48 > 0:20:50..weather?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Apparently not.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Where the hell is this place?
0:21:00 > 0:21:04- We're here. This is it. - This is what?
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Oh, my God! SHE SQUEALS
0:21:09 > 0:21:11You're here, you're really here!
0:21:11 > 0:21:15- This is my daughter, Verity.- I knew he'd come. I told you he'd come.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Darling, you shouldn't be outside without a coat, you'll catch a cold.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Oh, please, Mum. Like, I'm sure Jefferson Steel
0:21:21 > 0:21:23is interested in my health problems.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27SHE SQUEALS Oh, my God!
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- Verity has a lot of allergies and she's prone to...- She's right. I'm not really interested.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35You really are getting into the part, aren't you?
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Jefferson Steel.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:48 > 0:21:51There is nothing more humbling to an actor
0:21:51 > 0:21:55than to receive the approbation of his fellow actors.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59May I introduce Frank Dobbins, who is playing the Earl of Gloucester.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Wotcha!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- Janine Jarvis, who is playing Regan.- Hiya.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05Hey.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- Kevin Patel, who is Edmund. - Respect, man.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Rupert Twisk, who is playing the Duke of Cornwall.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Am I? Oh, brilliant.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- And Edgar.- Oh, shit.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Verity Nettle is your loving daughter, Cordelia.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Hello, again.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26And, of course, Nigel Dewberry, who will be giving us his Earl of Kent.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29The privilege is all mine.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- Could I speak to you for just a moment?- Yes, of course.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34I...
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I don't recognise any of these people.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45I mean, where's Judi Dench? Where's Kenny Branagh?
0:22:45 > 0:22:50- Just throw in one of the Redgraves. - All otherwise engaged, I'm afraid.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- I need to talk to the director. - You are.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59- You're the director? - Yes, I am.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- I thought you were the driver. - Well, I'm that too.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04She's also playing the fool.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09But as director, I'd like to get cracking with the rehearsal, OK?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- This dump isn't the rehearsal hall, is it?- No, of course not.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Oh, thank God.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16This is our theatre.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Here?- Well, actually, no.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Down there.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33A poor thing, but our own.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38What has the Royal Shakespeare Company come to?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41The Royal Shakespeare Company?
0:23:43 > 0:23:48My agent said I was going to do Lear at Stratford.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- And so you are. - Yes. We are The Stratford Players.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58- Where Shakespeare was born, right? - Well, no, not... Not exactly.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02You see, this is Stratford, it just isn't upon-Avon.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06- This is Stratford St John. - Sinjun.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11In Suffolk. We're just a small amateur theatre group.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25- HE SHOUTS:- Charlie!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I'm going to kill Charlie Rosenberg,
0:24:30 > 0:24:33and then I'm going to have him revived and then I'm going to kill him again.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35I did explain all this in the letter.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37The council have cut our funding
0:24:37 > 0:24:39and unless we can raise the money, we're going to have to close.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42A big name means big sponsorship and big publicity.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45You're going to save our theatre.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Sorry to disappoint you, young lady,
0:24:48 > 0:24:52but I'm not in the business of doing charity gigs.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53But you promised.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56It was on the news. You were really inspiring.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59"Theatre's in my blood" and all that stuff. It was jolly moving.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I was acting, you idiot.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06What the hell is the matter with this thing? I can't get LA.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08You can't even get Luton, mate.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11There's no signal round here. We're in a black hole.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13There's a public telephone thingy down the lane by the pub.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15But you'll need some coins, though.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Verity, go and get the "Save the theatre" swear box.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21I'm not here to save your fucking theatre.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26PHONE RINGS
0:25:33 > 0:25:37- 'Charlie!'- Jesus, Jefferson, what's going on?
0:25:37 > 0:25:41I'm on a pig farm.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Jesus, Jefferson, it's two in the morning.
0:25:44 > 0:25:50You booked me into the wrong Stratford, you idiot!
0:25:50 > 0:25:53This is Stratford-on-Pig Farm.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry about that, I really am.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58But you're getting great coverage.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- Get me out of here! Now! - I can't do that, Jefferson.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04The story's too big. It would finish you.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07So, you're telling me there's something worse
0:26:07 > 0:26:11than working on a pig farm with a bunch of amateurs?!
0:26:11 > 0:26:13PHONE SLAMS, DIAL TONE
0:26:16 > 0:26:19A bunch of amateurs is waiting.
0:26:19 > 0:26:20Shall we head back?
0:26:23 > 0:26:27It's an easy mistake to make, Mr Steel.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30There are several Stratfords in Britain.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Stratford-upon-Avon, of course. That's in Warwickshire.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Then there's Stratford in East London.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37Stratford Tony in Wiltshire.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Yes, thank you both. I think Mr Steel gets the picture.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Stratford St Agnes in Somerset.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Stratford St Andrew, Stratford St Mary...
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Excuse me...
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- Frank. - ..Frank.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Would you do me a favour, Frank?
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Shut the fuck up.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- Oh, sorry. Sorry I'm late, Dot. - No, you're OK.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Just had to go into town, get some guava juice.
0:27:14 > 0:27:19Right! So, Mr Steel, shall we give it a whirl?
0:27:19 > 0:27:22I wonder, Dorothy, if we could have a word?
0:27:22 > 0:27:26We've sort of had a clever idea for when Gloucester has his eyes gouged out.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Well, maybe later? OK.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Right, everyone, we're going to pick it up from Act 1, Scene 1
0:27:32 > 0:27:34just after Gloucester's exit.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Everyone should probably remember where they were.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Cornwall and Albany were this side,
0:27:40 > 0:27:45and Danny and Tai, I think we had the two guards at the back, if you remember. OK!
0:27:45 > 0:27:48OK, here we go.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52Let's take it from the top of Lear's first big speech.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55In your own time, Mr Steel.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Give me the map there.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05You see, that's a problem.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09I mean, right away I ask, "Give me the map," nobody gives me a map.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12The whole thing's turning to shit here.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Couldn't you just pretend for now?
0:28:14 > 0:28:15It's called acting.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Give me the map.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Know that we have divided in three our kingdom
0:28:26 > 0:28:30and 'tis our fast intent to shake all cares and business from our age...
0:28:30 > 0:28:33- HE MUTTERS QUICKLY:- conferring them on younger strengths, while we,
0:28:33 > 0:28:34Unburthen'd, crawl towards death.
0:28:34 > 0:28:38Interest of territory, cares of state... Etcetera, etcetera.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Where nature doth with merit challenge.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Gon... Gon... Gon...
0:28:44 > 0:28:47- Gon... - Goneril.
0:28:47 > 0:28:52That's me, and she's the one who says she loves you, but doesn't really.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Though that's obviously only the character, not in real life.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58That's not to say that I don't like you in...
0:29:00 > 0:29:03No, but that's not...
0:29:03 > 0:29:04Your point is?
0:29:04 > 0:29:09The point is that Mary's character is pronounced "Gon-er-il".
0:29:09 > 0:29:10Well, you do know the play, Mr Steel.
0:29:10 > 0:29:17Oh, yes, I know it. It's about a man whose three daughters drive him nuts.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19And you've read it?
0:29:20 > 0:29:23I like to start
0:29:23 > 0:29:24with a blank canvas.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29You haven't read it.
0:29:36 > 0:29:40I'm sorry I had to put my foot down, but it's the law here.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43You're not allowed to smoke in a public building.
0:29:44 > 0:29:49- It's hardly even a barn.- Besides, Verity's allergic to the smoke.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57It was her idea to write you in the first place.
0:29:58 > 0:30:00We were desperate.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03Thanks.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06She seems to think you're wonderful.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10- She's a very bright kid.- She is.
0:30:12 > 0:30:15She's even read the play.
0:30:15 > 0:30:19You know what happened to the last director who thought they were smarter than me?
0:30:20 > 0:30:22They won an Oscar?
0:30:23 > 0:30:25That's funny.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28No wonder you're playing the fool.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31Shall we go back?
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Do I have a choice?
0:30:33 > 0:30:35That's the spirit.
0:30:38 > 0:30:39Lead on, Macduff.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46I here disclaim all my paternal care...
0:30:46 > 0:30:49propinquity and property of blood,
0:30:49 > 0:30:53and as a stranger to my heart and me.
0:30:53 > 0:30:57hold thee, from this, for ever.
0:30:57 > 0:31:01Give it a rest, Nigel. Can you get us a packet of pork scratchings?
0:31:01 > 0:31:03Well, I'm sorry, but it's not fair.
0:31:03 > 0:31:07I should be Lear. It's every actor's dream.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10You is a lawyer, Nige. Accept it, yeah?
0:31:10 > 0:31:13But, I mean, he's so stilted and wooden.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16I mean, what has Jefferson Steel got that I haven't?
0:31:16 > 0:31:21Good looks, money, fame, a Beverly Hills mansion... How long have you got?
0:31:21 > 0:31:24- Well, where is he, then? - He's having some extra rehearsals with Dorothy.
0:31:24 > 0:31:29He'll need all the rehearsals he can get, because let's face it, he's no Laurence Olivier.
0:31:29 > 0:31:34In fact, he might even be the first actor in history that's actually too old to play Lear.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37- He'd make a damn good Yorick. - Who's Yorick?
0:31:37 > 0:31:40The skull in Hamlet.
0:31:40 > 0:31:41- Harsh.- But fair.
0:31:41 > 0:31:45That is unfair. I think you're all being very cruel.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48It is early days, and we shouldn't make any rash judgements.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51Because he is totally fantastic.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Mary, you're dribbling.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02Maybe you should think more about your motivation.
0:32:02 > 0:32:07- How do you like Stratford, Mr Steel?- It's not what I expected.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09How are you coping with King Lear?
0:32:09 > 0:32:11Your daughter, Amanda, thinks it's perfect casting.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14- You talked to my daughter? - Oh, yeah. She said, and I quote,
0:32:14 > 0:32:16"Lear is an arrogant egomaniac and a lousy father..."
0:32:16 > 0:32:19Excuse me, gentlemen. Mr Steel has had a long and exhausting day in rehearsal
0:32:19 > 0:32:21and now has an important meeting to attend.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Thank you very much.
0:32:25 > 0:32:28No, no, no, we really have got a meeting. With a sponsor.
0:32:28 > 0:32:33He paid for your flights and all the production costs, so please be nice to him.
0:32:33 > 0:32:40- Yeah.- Jefferson, this is Mike Bell, managing director of Anglian Breweries.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43- Pleased to meet you, Jeff. - Thank you.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45This is Lauren, my wife.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50Hello. You're obviously not in beer.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53No, Lauren is a fitness instructor.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55I'm a big fan of yours, Mr Steel.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57Well, that makes two of us.
0:33:00 > 0:33:04Jefferson was asking if there was a way to tie the show in with your product.
0:33:04 > 0:33:11- I was?- Mmm-hmm.- I'm ahead of you, Jeff. May I introduce King Beer.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15THEY LAUGH
0:33:15 > 0:33:17- It's like King Lear, you see? - I get it.
0:33:17 > 0:33:22Go on, get it down you. The finest ale this side of Royston.
0:33:24 > 0:33:25Right.
0:33:29 > 0:33:30HE SPITS
0:33:32 > 0:33:33Jetlag.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38Do you deliberately set out to offend people?
0:33:38 > 0:33:40No, it just comes natural.
0:33:41 > 0:33:43- Hello.- Hello.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Except when they're pretty blondes.
0:33:47 > 0:33:49COCK CROWS
0:33:57 > 0:33:59It's so long.
0:33:59 > 0:34:04Here we are, Mr Steel. Everything you asked for.
0:34:06 > 0:34:11I don't have time for breakfast. I've got to find Dorothy.
0:34:15 > 0:34:19Well, here's a fancy, Beverly-Hills-style breakfast for you.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Don't you start getting picky on me.
0:34:26 > 0:34:30Next thing, you'll be suggesting that your people talk to my people.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32Well, I don't have any people.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58Dorothy.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01Jefferson. Good morning.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03I have some issues.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05- Issues?- Mmm-hmm.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10To be honest, I think this needs a rewrite.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13- But this is Shakespeare. - Well, nobody's perfect.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17I say we cut two acts, give it a happy ending.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20We're going to do the play as written.
0:35:20 > 0:35:21You never heard of improvisation?
0:35:21 > 0:35:24You can't improvise Shakespeare.
0:35:24 > 0:35:26How would we do the scene on the heath?
0:35:26 > 0:35:29We're not doing the scene on the heath.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31I don't do crazy.
0:35:32 > 0:35:36Do I detect a hint of panic? All those words, all that acting.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38I don't panic.
0:35:38 > 0:35:41Where is everybody? Why aren't we rehearsing?
0:35:41 > 0:35:44Well, it's a weekday. Everyone's got proper jobs.
0:35:44 > 0:35:46We'll rehearse again this evening.
0:35:46 > 0:35:52Well, what am I going to do all day? I'd be in my trailer, but I don't have a trailer.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Well, you could always help out here at the library.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57Mmm.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59I think I'll take a stroll.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03OK.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19Jeff, it's you! Mate, it's you. It's you, Jeff!
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Morning, Jefferson!
0:36:21 > 0:36:24Morning. Hello.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34- Oh, hang on a minute. - Oh!
0:36:34 > 0:36:35Yoo-hoo!
0:36:37 > 0:36:38Hello?
0:36:40 > 0:36:43There goes our local celebrity.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46Trying to act inconspicuous.
0:36:46 > 0:36:47Hi!
0:36:47 > 0:36:49Singularly failing.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58No pictures, please.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16I've just taken a tour of downtown.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20I've killed three minutes. What do I do now?
0:37:20 > 0:37:25Young man? Have you got any books on herbaceous borders?
0:37:25 > 0:37:27Do I look like a librarian?
0:37:28 > 0:37:32- No.- Are you saying I can't do librarian?
0:37:35 > 0:37:39Now, let me see. "Herbaceous." That would be under "H".
0:37:39 > 0:37:42He seems very nice. Is he taken?
0:37:46 > 0:37:48Cornwall and Albany
0:37:48 > 0:37:51With my two daughters' dowers digest the third.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54I do invest you jointly with my power,
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Pre-eminence and all...
0:37:56 > 0:37:59You have to admit, he has got such charisma.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02Oh, God. Well, where is it, then?
0:38:02 > 0:38:04..of a hundred knights...
0:38:04 > 0:38:08He's getting to know the character, Janine, it doesn't happen overnight.
0:38:08 > 0:38:12He's the same with me at home, tip-toeing around me, being polite.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15Well, not polite, exactly, but you know...
0:38:15 > 0:38:19- You know what I mean. Feeling his way.- You wish.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22Tenner says he'll jack it in within the week.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25- 20 says he won't last three days.- You're on.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27- Quiet! Shh!- Sorry.
0:38:27 > 0:38:31Royal Lear, whom I have ever honour'd as my king,
0:38:31 > 0:38:35Loved as my father, as my master follow'd,
0:38:35 > 0:38:39As my great patron thought on in my prayers...
0:38:40 > 0:38:43Why does he talk like that? Why can't we talk like real people?
0:38:43 > 0:38:47I am playing in the manner the Bard intended.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50In the way the plays have been performed throughout the ages
0:38:50 > 0:38:56by all the great men of our theatre, Olivier, Gielgud, Richardson.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59How about someone still alive?
0:38:59 > 0:39:02Yeah, OK, I'll do the directing. Thank you, both.
0:39:02 > 0:39:06Nigel, I think it's important to remember that Kent is Lear's friend.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09- It needs to be warm.- Oh, God.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13And, Jefferson, I think that Lear needs a bit more...
0:39:13 > 0:39:15- passion.- Yes, if only.
0:39:15 > 0:39:19I mean, he's reading it like a bloody shopping list.
0:39:19 > 0:39:23Nigel? How many movies have you made?
0:39:23 > 0:39:26How many movies with your name above the title?
0:39:26 > 0:39:30How many love scenes have you played with gorgeous starlets?
0:39:30 > 0:39:31I don't think many.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33Bravo!
0:39:33 > 0:39:39The Suffolk Herald hailed my Malvolio as definitive.
0:39:39 > 0:39:41I rest my case.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44Well, I defer to the director.
0:39:44 > 0:39:50I think there is a definitive performance lying somewhere between
0:39:50 > 0:39:56Californian realism and English mellifluence.
0:39:56 > 0:40:01Yes, well, I expected rather more support than that, Dorothy.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03I do have a certain reputation.
0:40:03 > 0:40:05And I'm sorry, but I won't be treated like this.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08I shall leave while you reconsider your position.
0:40:08 > 0:40:09Nigel.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13You're acting like an ass.
0:40:13 > 0:40:18If anybody's going to be an ass around here, it's going to be me. I'm leaving.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20Not before me.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29I can slam the door louder!
0:40:31 > 0:40:33ALL: Oh!
0:40:39 > 0:40:44Charlie, listen to me. I've got more lines in this play than I had in my entire motion picture career.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Yeah, but they're such good ones.
0:40:46 > 0:40:50Listen, you putz, you didn't tell me I was doing Lear.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52- I did. - No, you told me Lear,
0:40:52 > 0:40:56but you didn't tell me Shakespeare's Lear!
0:40:56 > 0:40:59It could be the end of my career.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02You know what else? I'm looking out my window at sheep.
0:41:02 > 0:41:05Well, I hear you get a good leg of lamb out there.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07I'm scared, Charlie.
0:41:07 > 0:41:11Well, that's good. You're... You're doing scared really well.
0:41:11 > 0:41:14I can't hear you, it's a bad connection.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16'Talk to you a month from now.'
0:41:24 > 0:41:27- Jefferson, it's Dorothy. - I'm packing.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35We are all so sorry about last night.
0:41:35 > 0:41:39The whole company is distraught. No-one's talking to Nigel.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41I'm still packing.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45We'd like to make it up to you.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50- Where are we going? - Nearly there, Mr Steel.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55Even when the sun is out, I'm freezing to death.
0:41:55 > 0:41:56Oh, come along.
0:41:57 > 0:41:58Oh.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03Ta-da! Your trailer, sir.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09That's better.
0:42:14 > 0:42:16Your home away from home, Mr Steel.
0:42:16 > 0:42:20The pub donated the jukebox, Mary supplied the sofa.
0:42:20 > 0:42:24Kevin provided your minibar, and Frank provided the television.
0:42:24 > 0:42:28You have to fiddle with the dish a bit. It's got to point 28 degrees east,
0:42:28 > 0:42:31which can be a bit tricky when the wind gets up.
0:42:31 > 0:42:32So, what, no hot tub?
0:42:35 > 0:42:39I've cleaned it out completely. It shouldn't be whiffy at all.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46You have me for another rehearsal.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51What did you do with all the books?
0:43:00 > 0:43:02What happened to the handsome one?
0:43:05 > 0:43:07Oh!
0:43:08 > 0:43:15- Sorry.- Hey, Amanda! Long time, no see. We should do lunch.
0:43:15 > 0:43:18- That's why I'm here, remember? - Right.
0:43:19 > 0:43:22So, how's business, Charlie?
0:43:22 > 0:43:24You know, it's up, it's down.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28How about you? You working?
0:43:28 > 0:43:32I just got a call for an independent movie. A modern dress version of Sense And Sensibility.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34The director saw me in Pride And Prejudice.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36Oh, way to go!
0:43:36 > 0:43:40You know, your dad would be thrilled. He's always been very proud of you.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43Really? He never mentioned it to me.
0:43:44 > 0:43:45Sorry.
0:43:47 > 0:43:48Flip it.
0:43:48 > 0:43:52- Are you going to be OK, Charlie? - I'll be great.
0:43:52 > 0:43:56This is the future, Amanda. All agents will have offices like this.
0:43:56 > 0:43:58This is better than the paperless office.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01This is the office-less office.
0:44:03 > 0:44:06Come, let's away to prison.
0:44:07 > 0:44:12We two alone will sing like birds in the cage.
0:44:13 > 0:44:15When thou dost ask me blessing...
0:44:17 > 0:44:18..I'll kneel down,
0:44:18 > 0:44:19And ask of thee forgiveness.
0:44:20 > 0:44:23So we'll... We'll...
0:44:25 > 0:44:27Live, and pray, and sing.
0:44:28 > 0:44:31Live, and pray, and sing.
0:44:31 > 0:44:33Oh, for heaven's sake!
0:44:33 > 0:44:35I mean, are we going to have this on the opening night, eh?
0:44:35 > 0:44:39Are we going to have Verity playing Cordelia AND Lear?
0:44:39 > 0:44:43Some of us have a lot of lines to learn.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48Dorothy, would now be a good time to talk about
0:44:48 > 0:44:51our scene where Gloucester gets his eyes put out?
0:44:51 > 0:44:53- Yes, OK. - OK. Fine.
0:44:53 > 0:44:56Out, vile jelly! Where is thy lustre now?
0:44:56 > 0:44:58HE SQUEALS
0:45:02 > 0:45:06- What do you think? - I think I have to think about it.
0:45:09 > 0:45:16As I was about to say, I would like everyone word-perfect by Sunday.
0:45:16 > 0:45:17- THEY GASP Oh!- Sunday?
0:45:18 > 0:45:21And I mean everyone.
0:45:24 > 0:45:28Goneril, our eldest-born, speak first.
0:45:28 > 0:45:34Sir, I do love you more than word can wield the matter.
0:45:35 > 0:45:40Dearer than eyesight, space, and liberty.
0:45:47 > 0:45:51Post speedily to my lord your husband, show him this letter.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54The army of France is landed.
0:45:54 > 0:45:56Seek out the traitor Gloucester.
0:45:57 > 0:46:00- Then you say, "Hang him instantly." - PIG SQUEALS
0:46:02 > 0:46:04..if this letter speed,
0:46:04 > 0:46:06And my invention thrive...
0:46:06 > 0:46:07Edmund the base
0:46:07 > 0:46:10Shall top the legitimate.
0:46:10 > 0:46:15I grow, I prosper. Now, gods, stand up for bastards!
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Kevin Patel!
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Sorry, Mum.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23'Tis but the infirmity of his age.
0:46:23 > 0:46:27Yet he hath ever but slenderly known himself.
0:46:27 > 0:46:29Good, good.
0:46:29 > 0:46:34I yet beseech your majesty, if for I want that glib and oily art
0:46:34 > 0:46:36To speak and purpose not,
0:46:36 > 0:46:41since what I well intend, I'll do it before I speak, that you make known.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43It is no vicious blot
0:46:43 > 0:46:46That hath deprived me of your grace and favour.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48- Uh-huh. There you go, Verity. - Oh, great.
0:46:48 > 0:46:52- Thank you, Ashley.- Bye-bye. - See you, Verity.- Bye, Verity.
0:46:55 > 0:46:59Now I prithee, daughter, do not make me mad.
0:46:59 > 0:47:02I will not trouble thee, my child.
0:47:02 > 0:47:04Farewell.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06We'll no more meet...
0:47:07 > 0:47:12..no more see one another.
0:47:12 > 0:47:17But yet thou art my flesh, my blood, my daughter.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24So, can you eat this or are you going to explode?
0:47:24 > 0:47:28I can eat most things.
0:47:28 > 0:47:32Apart from wheat and dairy products, and shellfish and gluten.
0:47:32 > 0:47:37And nuts, obviously, which could kill me or something equally dramatic.
0:47:40 > 0:47:45- You're meant to feel sorry for me. - No, you can do that.
0:47:47 > 0:47:50DOORBELL RINGS I'll get it.
0:47:52 > 0:47:55I'm so sorry to disturb you, Dorothy,
0:47:55 > 0:47:59but I have an announcement to make. I'm resigning from the production.
0:47:59 > 0:48:00Not again!
0:48:01 > 0:48:03This time it is a question of principle.
0:48:03 > 0:48:08Oh, the principle being that you didn't get the best part? Oh, don't be so pompous, Nigel.
0:48:08 > 0:48:13- Come in and have a drink. - But I am not being pompous. That appalling American!
0:48:13 > 0:48:16He's an utter disgrace to the traditions of the amateur stage,
0:48:16 > 0:48:21- to the noble name of The Stratford Players... - Sounds pompous to me.
0:48:22 > 0:48:24Tell me about your mum.
0:48:25 > 0:48:31Well, my dad left her when I was very young because he couldn't handle the commitment.
0:48:33 > 0:48:37She was in the theatre, but then she gave it up to look after me.
0:48:40 > 0:48:42You know, Dorothy, it was only for your sake
0:48:42 > 0:48:47that I was prepared to humiliate myself to play the Earl of Kent.
0:48:47 > 0:48:52It's a very difficult part, Nigel. You're the only one who can do it.
0:48:52 > 0:48:54Do you really think so?
0:48:54 > 0:48:58Do you remember that judge at the drama festival in Norwich?
0:48:58 > 0:49:02Oh, no, I'm not sure, it was all such a long time ago.
0:49:02 > 0:49:05One of the best Malvolios he'd seen.
0:49:05 > 0:49:09"The best Malvolio ever in the history of the East Anglia Drama Festival"
0:49:09 > 0:49:11were, I think, his exact words.
0:49:11 > 0:49:13And that's why we need you.
0:49:13 > 0:49:18Anyone can play Lear, but how many people can dazzle as Kent?
0:49:19 > 0:49:22I can think of only one.
0:49:22 > 0:49:26- You're not just saying that to get round me?- Would I?
0:49:28 > 0:49:31- Now, I've got to go. - The gods reward your kindness!
0:49:37 > 0:49:39I hope everyone's hungry.
0:49:40 > 0:49:42I'm starving.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47Jefferson's taking a breather from women at the moment.
0:49:47 > 0:49:50- Aren't you, Jefferson? - Thanks, big mouth.
0:49:50 > 0:49:53Apparently, the only woman in his life is his daughter.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56She's not talking to me right now.
0:49:56 > 0:49:59Is this where we're meant to feel sorry for you?
0:49:59 > 0:50:00Touche.
0:50:01 > 0:50:06- What does your daughter do? - Oh, Amanda's an actress, and she's really talented.
0:50:06 > 0:50:09There was a time she used to think I was pretty good.
0:50:09 > 0:50:12- What happened?- She grew up.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28Is that the brewery man's wife with Jefferson?
0:50:29 > 0:50:33Oh. Well, I expect she's part of the sponsorship package,
0:50:33 > 0:50:35if you get my drift.
0:50:35 > 0:50:39Yes, well, I can't wear Lycra, it brings me out in a rash.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43Oh, never seen him quite so perky.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46I wonder how long it will be before they're working out horizontally.
0:50:46 > 0:50:49- Janine Jarvis, you have a filthy mind.- Mmm.
0:50:54 > 0:50:57This isn't too much for you, is it, Mr Steel?
0:50:58 > 0:51:01Of course not. Do I look like I've had enough?
0:51:01 > 0:51:05No, no, no. Maybe a little.
0:51:05 > 0:51:08- Ready to go again? - I don't know.
0:51:10 > 0:51:11Hmm.
0:51:14 > 0:51:17- Are you still OK? - I'm still hanging in there.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19- Hi!- Hello.- Morning.
0:51:19 > 0:51:22- Mum, you really think that's such a good idea?- What?
0:51:22 > 0:51:26Having Lauren as Jefferson's personal trainer.
0:51:26 > 0:51:29- Oh, really, Verity, you watch too much television.- I'm just saying.
0:51:32 > 0:51:35- He's not my cup of tea. - I think you might be his.
0:51:35 > 0:51:38Oh, don't be silly, Verity, he's too much in love with himself.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41Besides, there is the little matter of age to consider.
0:51:41 > 0:51:43Yeah, you are older than the women he usually goes for.
0:51:44 > 0:51:48You are so rude. Who brought you up?
0:51:48 > 0:51:51I spend too much time already pandering to that insufferable ego.
0:51:51 > 0:51:53It's not his fault.
0:51:53 > 0:51:57If you're treated like a king, you're going to end up behaving like one.
0:51:58 > 0:52:01I think his heart's in the right place.
0:52:02 > 0:52:05Let's just hope it holds out till opening night.
0:52:05 > 0:52:09- Oh, that... Ooh! Ooh!- There? - Yeah, right there.
0:52:09 > 0:52:11That's it, that's the spot. You got a big one here.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14HE GROANS WITH PLEASURE
0:52:16 > 0:52:19Oh, you're so stiff in there, Mr Steel.
0:52:19 > 0:52:24Yeah. Oh, a little harder. A little harder.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26And there they were,
0:52:26 > 0:52:32Jefferson Steel and the brewer's wife in his bedroom, at it like knives.
0:52:32 > 0:52:34I think it's disgusting.
0:52:34 > 0:52:37Well, I'm shocked and disappointed, but I'm hardly surprised.
0:52:37 > 0:52:41OK, everyone. Here we go. Let's pick it up from Act 1, Scene 3.
0:52:41 > 0:52:43King Lear is dividing his time between his two daughters
0:52:43 > 0:52:46and neither is happy with the domestic arrangements.
0:52:46 > 0:52:48Yes, I know exactly how she feels.
0:52:49 > 0:52:51OK, Mary?
0:52:52 > 0:52:55By day and night he wrongs me.
0:52:55 > 0:52:58Every hour he flashes into one gross crime or other
0:52:58 > 0:53:01That sets us all at odds. I'll not endure it!
0:53:01 > 0:53:05That's good, Mary, I can really feel your anger.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11HE WHISTLES
0:53:17 > 0:53:23I like to think of myself as broad-minded but I am not having that sort of thing going on under my roof.
0:53:23 > 0:53:25What sort of thing?
0:53:25 > 0:53:30Goodbye, Mr Steel. You have been a huge disappointment to me.
0:53:33 > 0:53:35Where am I going to sleep?
0:53:35 > 0:53:39You can sleep with one of your...floozies!
0:53:45 > 0:53:47You never did like me, did you?
0:53:51 > 0:53:53PHONE RINGS
0:53:58 > 0:54:00Flint Farm. Bed and breakfast.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03Jefferson Steel, please. This is his daughter, Amanda.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06Mr Steel is no longer staying at this establishment.
0:54:06 > 0:54:09We do try to uphold certain moral standards here, you know.
0:54:10 > 0:54:14Excuse me? Do you know where I can reach him?
0:54:14 > 0:54:18No, I have no idea where he is and nor do I wish to know. Goodnight.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20Hello?
0:54:20 > 0:54:21Hello?
0:54:35 > 0:54:37Well, thank you very much.
0:54:37 > 0:54:40I've just lost my Goneril. Mary is out of the play.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42Good. She's out of her mind.
0:54:42 > 0:54:46And I know all about you and Lauren!
0:54:46 > 0:54:50Nothing happened. You don't know anything.
0:54:50 > 0:54:54I know that, thanks to you, I've just lost a rather important member of my cast.
0:54:54 > 0:54:55Yeah.
0:54:56 > 0:54:58Me. I quit.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01- I'm going home. - I've been waiting for this.
0:55:01 > 0:55:05A celebrity tantrum. Well, maybe it's all for the best.
0:55:05 > 0:55:07No, that's not your line.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09You're supposed to say, "Please, Jefferson, stay."
0:55:09 > 0:55:12No, no, no. No, I think you're doing the right thing.
0:55:12 > 0:55:15I mean, obviously Lear is just too difficult for a film actor.
0:55:15 > 0:55:17You can't cope with the verse,
0:55:17 > 0:55:20and it is an awful lot of lines for someone your age.
0:55:20 > 0:55:23So, fair enough. You gave it a go, but you're just not up to it.
0:55:23 > 0:55:26I'll just have to find someone who is. Bye.
0:55:30 > 0:55:33I guess I'm stuck in the stupid trailer.
0:55:33 > 0:55:36Well, there's always my place if you don't mind the pigs.
0:55:36 > 0:55:38Stupid trailer it is.
0:55:53 > 0:55:55"Someone your age."
0:55:58 > 0:56:02"Too difficult for a film star."
0:56:08 > 0:56:12I am bound upon a wheel of fire,
0:56:12 > 0:56:14which my own tears do...
0:56:21 > 0:56:22Fuck it.
0:56:31 > 0:56:34COCK CROWS
0:56:49 > 0:56:54I do beseech you To understand my purposes aright.
0:56:54 > 0:56:58As you are old and reverend, you should be wise.
0:56:58 > 0:57:02Here do you have 100 knights and squires.
0:57:09 > 0:57:13Men so disorder'd, so debauch'd and bold
0:57:13 > 0:57:16That this our court, infected with their manners.
0:57:21 > 0:57:23Thank you.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25Shows like a riotous inn,
0:57:25 > 0:57:27epicurism and lust
0:57:27 > 0:57:31Makes it more like a tavern or a brothel
0:57:31 > 0:57:33Than a graced palace.
0:57:37 > 0:57:41Thank you, Mr Matthews. Very nice, we'll let you know.
0:57:41 > 0:57:45- Is that it?- It was the best we could do at short notice.
0:57:48 > 0:57:49Hello?
0:57:51 > 0:57:52Am I too late?
0:57:53 > 0:57:55- Good.- I'm telling you, nothing happened.
0:57:55 > 0:57:59But you have to admit she is... She is cute.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01And that's important, is it, for the part of Goneril?
0:58:01 > 0:58:06It's important if she's the sponsor's wife.
0:58:06 > 0:58:09- Ready.- Good point.
0:58:25 > 0:58:26Hi.
0:58:26 > 0:58:30I just wanted to say thanks for getting me the part.
0:58:30 > 0:58:31Thank Dorothy.
0:58:31 > 0:58:34Hey, if you ever need another workout...
0:58:34 > 0:58:39I don't think so, thank you. I haven't quite recovered from the last one.
0:58:39 > 0:58:44- SHE GIGGLES Oh, well, see you at rehearsal? - Right.
0:58:44 > 0:58:45Ciao.
0:58:45 > 0:58:47CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
0:58:51 > 0:58:55- Great casting, Dorothy. - I think it's really going to work.
0:58:55 > 0:58:57- I won't let you down. - Oh, of course not.
0:58:57 > 0:59:01What we need to do now is to maximise sponsorship awareness.
0:59:01 > 0:59:05Let me run this past you, Jeff. Lear's Bitter.
0:59:05 > 0:59:07You see, the beer's bitter,
0:59:07 > 0:59:11and Lear's also bitter because of his daughter.
0:59:11 > 0:59:12Brilliant.
0:59:14 > 0:59:17Mmm. Delicious.
0:59:17 > 0:59:21Thanks, Jeff. I'll get some more in. Give us a hand, Lauren.
0:59:23 > 0:59:26Forget Shakespeare, that was acting.
0:59:29 > 0:59:33Oh, surprise, surprise! The casting couch triumphs again.
0:59:33 > 0:59:38Mary will have a fit when she finds out that bimbo has got her part.
0:59:38 > 0:59:41I best just go and tell her now. Excuse me.
0:59:41 > 0:59:46Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to be the bearer of bad news...
0:59:48 > 0:59:51..but I think there is something that you should all see.
0:59:51 > 0:59:53What - sex romp?
0:59:53 > 0:59:55"Has-been."
0:59:55 > 0:59:59- Look, nothing happened! - Shut up, Lauren. We're going.
0:59:59 > 1:00:02Listen to her, Mike. That's all bullshit.
1:00:02 > 1:00:04No, you listen to me, you fucking fucker!
1:00:04 > 1:00:08You can forget your fucking sponsorship and your fucking theatre.
1:00:08 > 1:00:12In fact, the whole fucking lot of you can just fucking fuck off!
1:00:15 > 1:00:19Not eloquent, but heartfelt.
1:00:19 > 1:00:21Mmm-hmm.
1:00:21 > 1:00:24- Mr Bell!- Piss off!- Mr Bell, would you like to make a comment?- No.
1:00:24 > 1:00:27- Just any kind of comment.- No. - I have a comment for you.
1:00:30 > 1:00:34Your beer tastes like pig shit.
1:00:34 > 1:00:36JOURNALISTS LAUGH
1:00:41 > 1:00:43You lied to me.
1:00:45 > 1:00:48You don't know what happened or what didn't happen.
1:00:50 > 1:00:52I think we just lost our sponsor,
1:00:52 > 1:00:56and with no sponsorship, we have no further need of your services.
1:00:57 > 1:00:59You're fired.
1:01:00 > 1:01:04Nigel, you can take over the role.
1:01:04 > 1:01:08This will be The Stratford Players' final production.
1:01:11 > 1:01:15Poor fool and knave...
1:01:15 > 1:01:18there is one part in my heart
1:01:18 > 1:01:20That's sorry yet for thee.
1:01:23 > 1:01:26He's coming. He's coming. Mr Steel, Mr Steel, what's the story?
1:01:27 > 1:01:29What's the story, Mr Steel?
1:01:29 > 1:01:32If we can try and get it, that is the story.
1:01:37 > 1:01:39- Jefferson!- Mr Steel!
1:01:41 > 1:01:43Who's in there with you now?
1:01:43 > 1:01:47What makes you such a sexual master? Give me something. Just give me something.
1:01:47 > 1:01:49He's like a tornado out of control. What's going on?
1:01:49 > 1:01:52- Is it true you use Viagra? - Can you give us a scoop?
1:01:52 > 1:01:54Is this your mobile love machine?
1:01:57 > 1:01:59- Mr Steel, come back!- Shit!
1:01:59 > 1:02:02- There goes my best story. - Come on, let's get it!
1:02:02 > 1:02:06- Mr Steel!- Wait for me. Jefferson!
1:02:22 > 1:02:23PHONE RINGS
1:02:23 > 1:02:27What is it, Dad? This isn't a good time.
1:02:27 > 1:02:30Tell me about it. I've just been fired.
1:02:30 > 1:02:32God, what have you done now?
1:02:32 > 1:02:34There was this woman. There's a story in the papers.
1:02:34 > 1:02:37I don't want to hear it, Dad. You finally decide to do something worthwhile
1:02:37 > 1:02:40and you can't keep your pants on?
1:02:42 > 1:02:45- Will you give me a break, Amanda? - Yeah, yeah, you got it.
1:02:47 > 1:02:49Amanda.
1:02:49 > 1:02:50Shit.
1:02:51 > 1:02:54- Miss Blacke?- Yes.
1:02:54 > 1:02:56- Mr Kopyc will see you now. - Thank you.
1:03:01 > 1:03:05Amanda. My people loved you in that Pride And Punishment thing.
1:03:05 > 1:03:07Yeah, thanks.
1:03:07 > 1:03:10Can you get naked? We want to get on with it.
1:03:10 > 1:03:14- Excuse me, what? - Just take your clothes off.
1:03:14 > 1:03:18Um... Which scene from Sense and Sensibility is this?
1:03:18 > 1:03:22- The orgy scene.- Sorry, I don't remember an orgy scene.
1:03:22 > 1:03:25You will once I've shot it. It's going to be hot.
1:03:27 > 1:03:29Hmm? Loving it.
1:03:31 > 1:03:33Oh, God.
1:03:33 > 1:03:38- Jefferson! Jefferson! - Mr Steel!
1:03:38 > 1:03:40Jefferson, give us a quote.
1:03:40 > 1:03:44This cold night will turn us all to fools and madmen.
1:03:44 > 1:03:46What?
1:03:46 > 1:03:48- Hey! - Hey! Watch out!
1:03:49 > 1:03:51Shit!
1:03:51 > 1:03:52HORN HONKS
1:03:52 > 1:03:55THUNDER RUMBLES
1:03:57 > 1:04:01Just because it's in the papers it doesn't mean it's true.
1:04:01 > 1:04:04In fact, it means it probably isn't true.
1:04:05 > 1:04:07There's a photograph of the two of them.
1:04:07 > 1:04:10Yeah, I've got a photo of me and Mickey Mouse.
1:04:10 > 1:04:13It doesn't mean we're shagging.
1:04:16 > 1:04:19Did it occur to you that Lauren is a sports masseuse?
1:04:19 > 1:04:22She gives people massages, that's her job.
1:04:23 > 1:04:26The newspaper has a first-hand source.
1:04:26 > 1:04:30Yeah, and who does this source sound like?
1:04:30 > 1:04:35"This appalling lothario is a disgrace to the traditions of the amateur stage...
1:04:35 > 1:04:39"and has blackened the noble name of The Stratford Players."
1:04:44 > 1:04:49Fortune, good night. Smile once more, turn thy wheel!
1:04:49 > 1:04:51You arse, Nigel!
1:04:51 > 1:04:54- I beg your pardon? - You complete and utter arse!
1:04:55 > 1:04:59- This is your doing, isn't it? - It could have been anyone.
1:04:59 > 1:05:02"The noble name of The Stratford Players"?
1:05:02 > 1:05:05- It's pure Nigel-ese. - It had to be said by someone.
1:05:05 > 1:05:07And you know for a fact that he was having an affair with Lauren?
1:05:07 > 1:05:10Mary heard them together in his bedroom.
1:05:10 > 1:05:13She's a sports masseuse, you idiot!
1:05:15 > 1:05:16Ah.
1:05:16 > 1:05:19And this is the sum total of your evidence, is it?
1:05:19 > 1:05:21Possibly.
1:05:21 > 1:05:23You really are a pathetic man, Nigel.
1:05:23 > 1:05:27If I were Jefferson, I think I'd kill you.
1:05:27 > 1:05:29In fact, I may kill you myself!
1:05:31 > 1:05:34I suppose a nightcap's out of the question, then?
1:05:51 > 1:05:55- Where is he? - He's gone. He nearly ran me over!
1:05:59 > 1:06:00I should have let him!
1:06:02 > 1:06:04That would have made a great picture.
1:06:10 > 1:06:12I want civilisation.
1:06:15 > 1:06:17And I want people.
1:06:17 > 1:06:19THUNDER CLAPS
1:06:22 > 1:06:26I want a town. I want a city!
1:06:28 > 1:06:30I want a Four Seasons.
1:06:30 > 1:06:33I want a Four Seasons!
1:06:35 > 1:06:37I need a Four Seasons!
1:06:37 > 1:06:39CAR HORN HONKS
1:06:40 > 1:06:42HORN BLARES
1:07:28 > 1:07:32Blow, wind, and crack your cheeks!
1:07:34 > 1:07:36Rage! Blow!
1:07:37 > 1:07:42You cataracts and hurriacanoes, spout
1:07:42 > 1:07:47Till you have drench'd our steeples and drown'd the cocks!
1:07:49 > 1:07:53You sulphurous and thought-executing fires...
1:07:53 > 1:07:55Singe my white head!
1:07:57 > 1:08:01And thou, all-shaking thunder,
1:08:01 > 1:08:03Crack nature's moulds.
1:08:06 > 1:08:10- All germens spill at once... - Jefferson.
1:08:10 > 1:08:14..that make ingrateful man!
1:08:14 > 1:08:16Jefferson!
1:08:17 > 1:08:19Jefferson.
1:08:20 > 1:08:21I am a man
1:08:21 > 1:08:26More sinn'd against than sinning.
1:08:26 > 1:08:29I know. I know.
1:08:58 > 1:08:59Good morning.
1:09:03 > 1:09:04Good morning.
1:09:06 > 1:09:08I feel...
1:09:08 > 1:09:10terrible.
1:09:10 > 1:09:13- You look terrible. - Thank you.
1:09:13 > 1:09:14Here, drink this.
1:09:15 > 1:09:20Last night, did I do anything...embarrassing?
1:09:20 > 1:09:25Apart from running over a journalist and trashing the mobile library, no.
1:09:25 > 1:09:27That's a relief.
1:09:27 > 1:09:28I'm so sorry.
1:09:31 > 1:09:33Please, don't be.
1:09:33 > 1:09:36I think we all owe you an apology.
1:09:37 > 1:09:40I have never felt so humiliated in my life.
1:09:41 > 1:09:45It's a cruel business, honey. Not that I'd know.
1:09:45 > 1:09:49It wasn't my Lizzie Bennet that impressed the director, it was my boobs.
1:09:49 > 1:09:51Whatever it takes.
1:09:51 > 1:09:55I can't believe I'm going to say this, but Dad was right.
1:09:55 > 1:09:59Now, that reminds me, say goodbye to him.
1:10:01 > 1:10:04- Charlie, what are you doing? - It's time to end it.
1:10:04 > 1:10:05PHONE RINGS
1:10:05 > 1:10:08Charlie, don't be stupid, you're not going to kill yourself.
1:10:08 > 1:10:11- Give me one good reason. - Your phone's ringing.
1:10:11 > 1:10:13Oh, OK.
1:10:17 > 1:10:19Charlie Rosenberg.
1:10:19 > 1:10:22HE CLEARS THROAT Worry ye not!
1:10:23 > 1:10:28Our American friend may have scuttled back across the pond,
1:10:28 > 1:10:31but the show must go on.
1:10:33 > 1:10:36- Hey, Nigel. - Oh, shit.
1:10:37 > 1:10:40- I thought you'd gone. - You sold me out.
1:10:40 > 1:10:44God, no, no. No, no, it was all Mary's fault.
1:10:44 > 1:10:47Oh, so, now you've sold me out?
1:10:47 > 1:10:49- You're lying, Nigel. - Jefferson...
1:10:49 > 1:10:51Looks like someone's in for a kicking, Nigel.
1:10:51 > 1:10:55- A tenner says he breaks your arms, mate.- 20, your legs.
1:10:55 > 1:10:56Quick, Nigel!
1:10:56 > 1:11:00- Mum, stop them.- No, Nigel could do with the exercise.
1:11:03 > 1:11:05Nigel!
1:11:06 > 1:11:07Nigel!
1:11:10 > 1:11:11Nigel.
1:11:21 > 1:11:23You're not going to hit me, are you?
1:11:23 > 1:11:26You must have wanted this part very badly.
1:11:26 > 1:11:31After all my years with The Stratford Players, it was going to be my crowning glory.
1:11:34 > 1:11:36I have an idea.
1:11:40 > 1:11:44Why don't you just play Lear and I'll play Kent?
1:11:44 > 1:11:45I mean, it's just a play.
1:11:45 > 1:11:50Please, I can't bear the kindness, just hit me.
1:11:50 > 1:11:52Aw...
1:11:55 > 1:11:58Oh, Nigel.
1:11:59 > 1:12:03I think we should all apologise. Mary for starting the rumour,
1:12:03 > 1:12:06you lot for spreading it, and me most of all for being stupid enough
1:12:06 > 1:12:09to believe anything I read in the papers.
1:12:11 > 1:12:13I'm so sorry, Mr Steel.
1:12:14 > 1:12:16And you're welcome back at Flint Farm any time,
1:12:16 > 1:12:18and you can do whatever you want in your room.
1:12:18 > 1:12:21Not that you were doing anything.
1:12:24 > 1:12:27I mean, what were we thinking?
1:12:27 > 1:12:31The Stratford Players is the one thing that keeps this village together.
1:12:31 > 1:12:34Even the church only holds services once a month.
1:12:34 > 1:12:37This stupid theatre is all we've got.
1:12:38 > 1:12:44It's the heart of our community and we were just going to throw it all away.
1:12:45 > 1:12:47Hold on a minute.
1:12:47 > 1:12:52If anyone's going to have a big moving speech here, it's going to be me.
1:12:54 > 1:12:57I have something I want to say to you people.
1:12:57 > 1:13:00I know sometimes I can be a bit of an ass.
1:13:00 > 1:13:02ALL: No.
1:13:02 > 1:13:04Most of the time.
1:13:04 > 1:13:05ALL: Yeah.
1:13:05 > 1:13:10But until now, I've always thought of amateurs as unprofessional.
1:13:10 > 1:13:12Nothing could be further from the truth.
1:13:12 > 1:13:15In fact, you're the ones who deserve the respect, not people like me,
1:13:15 > 1:13:19because where's the glory for you guys? I mean, where's the money?
1:13:19 > 1:13:21Where's the fame?
1:13:22 > 1:13:25Come to think of it, why the hell do you do it?
1:13:26 > 1:13:30Well, it's our chance to step outside our own ordinary lives.
1:13:30 > 1:13:33To create something bigger than ourselves.
1:13:34 > 1:13:36To share in the power of theatre.
1:13:37 > 1:13:39And it gets us out of the house.
1:13:39 > 1:13:40- Yeah.- Exactly.
1:13:40 > 1:13:43Well, whatever it is...
1:13:44 > 1:13:47I mean, I want to say I'd be proud,
1:13:47 > 1:13:51I'd be honoured, if you'd let me be a part of your show,
1:13:51 > 1:13:54and I promise I won't let you down.
1:14:02 > 1:14:04Nice, nice speech.
1:14:04 > 1:14:09But can I just remind everyone that we no longer have any financial backing?
1:14:09 > 1:14:14Well, I'll just have to go back to Mike Bell and tell him the truth.
1:14:14 > 1:14:17I'm afraid Jefferson insulting his beer is worse than him shagging his wife.
1:14:17 > 1:14:21Hey, Nigel must be loaded. How much did you get for the Jefferson Steel story?
1:14:21 > 1:14:23- Nothing!- Nothing?
1:14:23 > 1:14:24Nothing?
1:14:24 > 1:14:27Are you telling me that you gave them
1:14:27 > 1:14:31"Jefferson Steel In Saucy Suffolk Sex Romp" for nothing?
1:14:33 > 1:14:34I am going to hit him.
1:14:34 > 1:14:35Ooh!
1:14:35 > 1:14:39- Wait a minute.- What?
1:14:43 > 1:14:46Blimey, it's a media circus!
1:14:49 > 1:14:51Morning!
1:14:51 > 1:14:54Welcome. Welcome to Jefferson Steel country.
1:14:54 > 1:14:59Do come and see the play. I'm playing Edgar and Cornwall. Hello!
1:14:59 > 1:15:04Oh, yes, he tried to have his wicked way with me, but I wasn't having any of it.
1:15:04 > 1:15:07That's why I had to extricate myself from the play.
1:15:07 > 1:15:11I mean, that man could not keep his hands off me.
1:15:12 > 1:15:14Off me.
1:15:15 > 1:15:22Oh, he was a stallion in bed. He could never get enough.
1:15:22 > 1:15:26And I thought I knew everything about Kama Sutra.
1:15:26 > 1:15:27Mummy!
1:15:29 > 1:15:32And then, of course, we became lovers.
1:15:34 > 1:15:36With Jefferson around, none of my farm animals were safe.
1:16:07 > 1:16:12LOUD-HAILER: 'Tonight, The Stratford Players present Jefferson Steel in King Lear.
1:16:12 > 1:16:14'Four funerals and a wedding.
1:16:15 > 1:16:18'Tonight, The Stratford Players present Jefferson...'
1:16:21 > 1:16:22- Dorothy?- Yeah.
1:16:22 > 1:16:26- Rupert and I had one last thought about the putting-the-eyes-out scene.- Right.
1:16:28 > 1:16:31- Ooh!- Out, vile jelly! Where is thy lustre now?
1:16:37 > 1:16:40- Could work.- Yeah?
1:16:40 > 1:16:43- In a different play.- OK.
1:16:43 > 1:16:45OK.
1:16:48 > 1:16:50- Janine?- I know, I look a freak.
1:16:50 > 1:16:53You look fantastic!
1:16:53 > 1:16:56- Oh? Do you think so?- Yeah.
1:17:08 > 1:17:11OK. "Rusty Steel, not sharp enough."
1:17:11 > 1:17:14Very good. What about this one, right?
1:17:14 > 1:17:17"Tarnished Steel gives leaden performance."
1:17:17 > 1:17:21Yes! OK, let's watch the show.
1:17:27 > 1:17:30OK, everyone, that's 15 minutes.
1:17:30 > 1:17:35Are you ready, Jefferson? How you feeling? Are you nervous?
1:17:35 > 1:17:37Of course I'm not nervous.
1:17:39 > 1:17:40I... I'm terrified.
1:17:40 > 1:17:43Not a problem. I can do Lear.
1:17:43 > 1:17:45Joke.
1:17:45 > 1:17:48I'm far more terrified than you are.
1:17:48 > 1:17:51- In fact, I think I'm about to throw up.- Go, Nigel, go.
1:17:55 > 1:17:58ELIZABETHAN MUSIC PLAYS
1:18:09 > 1:18:14I thought the king had more affected the Duke of Albany than Cornwall.
1:18:14 > 1:18:17It did always seem so to us.
1:18:17 > 1:18:21Let's go out and show them what a bunch of amateurs can do.
1:18:25 > 1:18:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1:18:32 > 1:18:36Attend the lords of France and Burgundy, Gloucester.
1:18:36 > 1:18:38I shall, my lord.
1:18:40 > 1:18:46Meantime, we shall express our darker purpose.
1:18:46 > 1:18:48Give me the map there.
1:18:51 > 1:18:54Know that we have divided
1:18:54 > 1:18:56In three our kingdom...
1:18:58 > 1:19:02..and 'tis our fast intent to shake all cares and business from our age,
1:19:02 > 1:19:05Conferring them on younger strengths
1:19:05 > 1:19:09while we, unburthen'd, crawl toward death.
1:19:09 > 1:19:11Tell me, my daughters,
1:19:11 > 1:19:13Which of you shall we say...
1:19:13 > 1:19:19Sir, I do love you more than word can wield the matter.
1:19:19 > 1:19:23Dearer than eyesight, space, and liberty.
1:19:23 > 1:19:26Poor fool and knave.
1:19:26 > 1:19:28I have one part in my heart
1:19:28 > 1:19:31That's sorry yet for thee.
1:19:32 > 1:19:37# He that has and a little tiny wit... #
1:19:39 > 1:19:41O, you are men of stone!
1:19:42 > 1:19:44Had I your tongues and eyes...
1:19:44 > 1:19:50I'd use them so that heaven's vault would crack.
1:19:52 > 1:19:55She's gone for ever.
1:19:56 > 1:19:58I might have saved her...
1:19:59 > 1:20:02Now she's gone for ever!
1:20:03 > 1:20:08Cordelia, Cordelia, why do...
1:20:11 > 1:20:13Verity?
1:20:13 > 1:20:14Verity?
1:20:15 > 1:20:17Say something.
1:20:18 > 1:20:20She isn't breathing.
1:20:20 > 1:20:22Someone, call for an ambulance.
1:20:22 > 1:20:24GASPS AND CHATTERING
1:20:25 > 1:20:28- She's had an allergic reaction. - She's in anaphylactic shock.
1:20:28 > 1:20:31You're going to need adrenaline, a laryngoscope, ventilatory support.
1:20:31 > 1:20:34- Are you a doctor? - No, but I played one in a movie.
1:20:34 > 1:20:36I think we'll take over from here.
1:20:36 > 1:20:39Oh, watch out for peri-operative complications.
1:20:39 > 1:20:40Yes, thank you. I'll do that.
1:20:40 > 1:20:42I love you, darling.
1:20:46 > 1:20:47Is she OK?
1:20:47 > 1:20:50You're very lucky, you got her here just in time.
1:20:50 > 1:20:51She's going to be fine.
1:20:51 > 1:20:54Thank God. In the movie I did, the kid dies.
1:20:56 > 1:20:59Just a bad reaction to something she must have eaten.
1:20:59 > 1:21:00There were probably some nuts in the chocolate.
1:21:00 > 1:21:03Normally, I'm so careful, but what with the opening night and everything...
1:21:03 > 1:21:06Don't worry. She'll need some bed rest for a few days,
1:21:06 > 1:21:08but she'll back to her old self in a week or two.
1:21:08 > 1:21:10- I'll let you know when she wakes up. - Thank you.
1:21:13 > 1:21:14Thank you.
1:21:14 > 1:21:17For giving her the chocolates?
1:21:17 > 1:21:18For saving her life.
1:21:32 > 1:21:34- Miss Nettle, Mr Steel? - God, what?
1:21:36 > 1:21:38Have you seen the papers?
1:21:38 > 1:21:40- You're the hero of the hour.- Oh!
1:21:44 > 1:21:46Oh, just look at this review.
1:21:47 > 1:21:51"Startling, brilliant, moving.
1:21:52 > 1:21:54"Steel commands the stage."
1:21:54 > 1:21:57I haven't had reviews like that since...
1:22:00 > 1:22:02I never have had reviews like that.
1:22:02 > 1:22:04And you didn't even get a curtain call.
1:22:06 > 1:22:09Something else came up.
1:22:09 > 1:22:11With no Cordelia, we've got no show.
1:22:11 > 1:22:14I'm sorry there isn't a happy ending.
1:22:15 > 1:22:17Me too.
1:22:17 > 1:22:20I know that life isn't like that.
1:22:21 > 1:22:26- I know it's not like in the movies. - Ah, Miss Nettle? Verity's awake.
1:22:39 > 1:22:41Guess it's time to say goodbye.
1:22:42 > 1:22:44I'm not very good at goodbyes.
1:22:45 > 1:22:50But if ever you're in Beverly Hills, drop by.
1:22:52 > 1:22:53I mean it.
1:22:56 > 1:22:58- How about Tuesday? - Ooh, I can't do Tuesday.
1:22:58 > 1:22:59I've got a cesspit to empty.
1:22:59 > 1:23:01Wednesday? Wednesday's good for me.
1:23:01 > 1:23:04Mr Steel, can I just say I'm sorry for everything?
1:23:04 > 1:23:07Particularly for the fact that you didn't give her one
1:23:07 > 1:23:09that night when you stumbled into her bedroom.
1:23:09 > 1:23:11I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
1:23:14 > 1:23:17I think it would have been a night to remember.
1:23:17 > 1:23:19I'll never forgive myself.
1:23:24 > 1:23:25Oh, I'm sorry...
1:23:33 > 1:23:35Thank you.
1:23:38 > 1:23:39Mr Steel?
1:23:42 > 1:23:44It's been a pleasure.
1:23:46 > 1:23:49Come on, Nigel, give us a hug.
1:23:49 > 1:23:52No, Jefferson. You are still in England.
1:23:57 > 1:24:01It's a shame you have to go. I've managed to find a new Cordelia.
1:24:12 > 1:24:14O my dear father!
1:24:17 > 1:24:21Restoration hang thy medicine on my lips
1:24:21 > 1:24:22and let this kiss
1:24:22 > 1:24:25Repair those violent harms
1:24:25 > 1:24:26that my two sisters
1:24:26 > 1:24:28Have in thy reverence made.
1:24:34 > 1:24:36I don't know what to say.
1:24:36 > 1:24:37Oh, I think you do.
1:24:41 > 1:24:44Pray, do not mock me...
1:24:48 > 1:24:54..for I am a very foolish, fond old man.
1:24:54 > 1:24:57Do not laugh at me,
1:24:57 > 1:25:02for, as I am a man, I think this lady to be my child.
1:25:03 > 1:25:07And so I am.
1:25:07 > 1:25:08I am.
1:25:16 > 1:25:18Thank you.
1:25:18 > 1:25:20You can thank Verity.
1:25:20 > 1:25:23She was the one who thought Amanda might have some insight
1:25:23 > 1:25:25into playing the daughter of a madman.
1:25:25 > 1:25:26AMANDA LAUGHS
1:25:26 > 1:25:29So, shall we rehearse?
1:25:33 > 1:25:36Be your tears wet?
1:25:36 > 1:25:38I pray weep not.
1:25:39 > 1:25:43If you have poison for me, I will drink it.
1:25:46 > 1:25:50I know you do not love me, for your sisters
1:25:50 > 1:25:55have, as I do remember,
1:25:55 > 1:25:56done me wrong.
1:25:58 > 1:26:01You have some cause.
1:26:03 > 1:26:05They have not.
1:26:06 > 1:26:08No cause.
1:26:10 > 1:26:11No cause.
1:26:18 > 1:26:23I might have saved her, and now she's gone...
1:26:25 > 1:26:27..for ever.
1:26:30 > 1:26:35Cordelia, Cordelia,
1:26:35 > 1:26:37stay a little.
1:26:40 > 1:26:42What is't thou say'st?
1:26:44 > 1:26:48Her voice was ever soft
1:26:48 > 1:26:50and gentle...
1:26:52 > 1:26:53..and low.
1:26:55 > 1:26:58An excellent thing in woman.
1:27:00 > 1:27:03The weight of this sad time we must obey.
1:27:03 > 1:27:08Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.
1:27:08 > 1:27:10The oldest hath borne most.
1:27:10 > 1:27:17We that are young shall never see so much, nor live so long.
1:27:21 > 1:27:24APPLAUSE
1:27:24 > 1:27:26Bravo!
1:27:26 > 1:27:28Bravo!
1:27:28 > 1:27:29- Enjoy that?- Yeah.
1:27:30 > 1:27:34I told you it works better in a bigger venue.
1:27:34 > 1:27:36You really are mad.
1:27:36 > 1:27:40What's the point in being a movie star if you can't hire the Old Vic for a few nights?
1:27:40 > 1:27:43AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Bravo! Bravo!
1:27:43 > 1:27:46APPLAUSE
1:27:51 > 1:27:54Hey, Dorothy, what are we going to do next year?
1:27:54 > 1:27:57- Next year? - But the theatre's saved.
1:27:57 > 1:27:59You don't really have to come back.
1:27:59 > 1:28:03- How about Richard III? - Yeah, you're good at sequels.
1:28:03 > 1:28:05Then Richard III it is.
1:28:05 > 1:28:09- What's that about again? - It's about power and seduction.
1:28:09 > 1:28:11Well, I'll have to do some research.
1:28:11 > 1:28:13THEY CHUCKLE
1:28:15 > 1:28:18He's coming back over my dead body.
1:28:18 > 1:28:20Bravo!
1:28:23 > 1:28:25APPLAUSE CONTINUES