0:00:02 > 0:00:09This film contains some strong language
0:00:52 > 0:00:55MUSIC: "The Fool On The Hill" by The Beatles
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Poor Jacobson.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35He took his stapler? How pitiful is that?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Still, you got to hand it to him... He went for it.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39That was his big mistake.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Always stay in the middle of the pack.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43It's the frontrunners who fall off the cliff.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47At least Jacobson made it up on the seventh floor.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49It smells like cabbage on this floor!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51That's the smell of dead dreams.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53I go to the clubs at night and people are like,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56"Hey, who's wearing the coleslaw?"
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Do you know how hard it is to get laid when you smell like coleslaw?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Not hard, but still.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04He had a pretty sweet office.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05I wonder who's going to get it?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07You wonder who's going to get his office?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Jesus, Josh, why don't you show a little class?
0:04:10 > 0:04:11The guy just got fired.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- I'm going to get that office. - You'd better, Tim.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22You need that job. With that car you're driving and that apartment?
0:04:22 > 0:04:23You're overextended.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26These opportunities don't come along all the time.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Right now, the window's open and if you hesitate, bam!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33You're going to be my assistant. Assistant to an assistant.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36You can't go lower. It's a shitty job, Tim.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Do you think Julie's going to marry you then?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40SHE CHUCKLES
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Don't mess this up.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- Good pep talk. - All right. Go, team!
0:05:06 > 0:05:09The whole reason we bought the plant was to shut the factory,
0:05:09 > 0:05:12shed the workforce and sell the equipment.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15But now, it's all contaminated with low-level radiation.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Nobody wants to touch it.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Americans are so uptight about radiation.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23They are. But the Russians are a little less particular
0:05:23 > 0:05:24about this sort of thing.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I like it. Get two bids. Drive up the price.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- OK?- That makes sense. - On a different note, you'll notice
0:05:29 > 0:05:33that our colleague, Doug Jacobson, has been relieved of his duties.
0:05:33 > 0:05:38Mr Jacobson led us right to the edge, playing around in the currency markets.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41As a consequence, tomorrow morning, I want ten ideas
0:05:41 > 0:05:43to make up for his mistakes.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50- What are you doing? - I have an idea.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52An analyst...
0:05:52 > 0:05:54has an idea. OK, then.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- GROANING - Nice knowing you, buddy.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Sixth floor, stepping up. Nice!
0:05:58 > 0:06:00CHUCKLING
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Whoa! - It's all right. It's dead.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08It's manufactured by Mueller Armaments, from Zurich, Switzerland.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11It's a company that made a fortune during World War I.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Now they're sitting on a bunch of bombs
0:06:12 > 0:06:14that even the worst armies in the world don't want.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16All right, so we cannibalise the company.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Who's going to buy the pieces?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Oh, no, we're not going to strip this one down.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Wow. Novelty lamps. Great idea.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31We could literally make hundreds of dollars. Hundreds.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Who cares about lamps?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Martin Mueller does.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40When Martin isn't busy running his family's business into the ground,
0:06:40 > 0:06:44he's either yachting or buying art for his castle.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47The business is going under, but his personal fortune is vast.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Nearly half a billion.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54I heard he was in town, so I sent a prototype over to his hotel.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57He loved the lamps.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59He wants to sit down.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02The lamps are really just a way to get our foot in the door.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03We're going to lose money on them.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07But we'll make millions managing his personal portfolio.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Mueller keeps his business. We've got a brand-new client.
0:07:10 > 0:07:15- Everybody wins. - Everybody wins. That's a new one.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Caldwell, you want to lake the lead on this?
0:07:17 > 0:07:18- Absolutely.- I'll ride shotgun.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- Actually, I was hoping I could take the lead.- Oh...
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Uh, let me think...No.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33INDISTINCT CHATTER
0:07:33 > 0:07:35You should've quit while you were ahead, buddy.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39You know what they say, tallest tree gets chopped down first.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- That went well.- Mr Conrad?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Have you got a second?
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Come in!
0:07:56 > 0:07:59You can just set your bombs by the door.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05You put on quite a show in there. Sit down.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Oh, that looks good on him, right?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Yep. Better than it did on Jacobson. You're going to need a nicer watch.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Nicer watch, nicer suit.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Hey, to the ballsiest guy on the sixth floor, huh?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Not going to be on the sixth floor for long.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Does that mean this is my new office?
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Not yet. No, I want to get to know you a little better.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I host a dinner once a month.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- Next one's on Saturday.- Great, OK.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39And it's top-secret. You can't tell anyone.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42What are we talking about here? Orgy?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Is it a human sacrifice of some kind?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48We're...collectors.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52I'll let the guys fill you in.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Some people collect vintage automobiles.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01Some people collect fine wines. Fender collects people.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02- People?- Yeah.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Each of us finds a remarkable person
0:09:04 > 0:09:06and invites them to dinner at Fender's.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08We call it the Dinner For Winners.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Here's the guy that I invited last year.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13There you go. Look at that.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17The guy designed that suit. Real-life Iron Man.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- He took first prize. - He's an idiot.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24You got it.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28You invite idiots to dinner and make fun of them?
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Mm-hmm.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32That's...messed up.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- I know, right? - It's completely messed up.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38At the end of the night, Fender picks the best one, gives him a trophy
0:09:38 > 0:09:40and we release him out in the wild, none the wiser.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44Yeah. No harm, no foul. Hey, you're going to do great.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Just have a little subtlety when you pick your guy.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Fender's a connoisseur.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Yeah. Hey, and no mimes. It's a cliche.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Jacobson brought a mime.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Exactly. And you don't see his shit here any more, do you?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12THEY MOUTH
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- Hey. - Hey!
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Congratulations.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23So how did it go? What happened today?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Oh, I'll tell you later. Look at this crowd!
0:10:25 > 0:10:28I know, it's amazing. We actually sold every painting.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30That's incredible! Oh, my God!
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Except that I did another one of my name-fiasco thingies.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Oh, God, what happened?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38The director of the San Francisco MoMA is here.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41His name is Steve Doche.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45And I thought that it was pronounced "douche".
0:10:45 > 0:10:48God. It's like the Ron Fuchs episode all over again.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50It actually kind of loosened things up.
0:10:50 > 0:10:55And, uh, he's giving Kieran a solo show, and he wants me to curate it.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Oh, my God!
0:10:57 > 0:11:00You know, that is so like you! You call a guy a douche
0:11:00 > 0:11:02and get your first museum show out of it.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05You're amazing. I love you so much.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08You're stunning and you're smart and you're just awful with pronunciation.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- Hey! - I'm not Fuching around here.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Marry me.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I love you.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23But remember when you asked me before,
0:11:23 > 0:11:26and I said this is a big step,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28maybe we should just wait a little bit?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Yeah?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- That was two days ago. - I know. I know.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36I just need a little bit of time.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39All right. I'll ask you in two hours.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Let's go.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Wow, it's packed.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45So, where's the artiste?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I always try and create some tension in my work.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Once a reviewer said of a certain piece of mine,
0:11:51 > 0:11:53they said, "I think that's disgusting."
0:11:53 > 0:11:56I said, "Good! I want it to disgust you."
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Sometimes I'll be working on a piece and I'll think, "No, this is bullshit."
0:12:00 > 0:12:05So I will literally rub bull excrement on the piece as a meta...metaphor.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Julie.
0:12:09 > 0:12:14- Ah, la voila - la reine de la soiree!- Ah, tu es trop mignon!
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Kieran, you remember Tim?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- The stockbroker. - No. No.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22I, uh, I work for a private equity firm
0:12:22 > 0:12:24that specialises in distressed assets.
0:12:24 > 0:12:25So kind of a stockbroker.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Almost nothing like a stockbroker.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Do you mind if I just call you stockbroker?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33That's the way I remember people. You're stockbroker Tim.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Hey, so what do you think?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Oh! Really...tremendous work.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43They're so big. And you're in all of them.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Come with me, Tim.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- Enjoy. - Mm-hmm.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51I have a little ranch...I say little. It's absolutely massive
0:12:51 > 0:12:53if you actually measure it... outside of town,
0:12:53 > 0:12:55where I go to disappear, get away from this bullshit.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00One of my zebras was in labour. It was a messy business.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03The foal was in breech. At about the 22nd hour,
0:13:03 > 0:13:04I just said, "Stuff it."
0:13:04 > 0:13:08And I just thrust my hand in, turned the little guy around.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- Wow.- Do you have any idea what it's like,
0:13:10 > 0:13:15Tim, to be up to your elbow... in a zebra's vagina?
0:13:15 > 0:13:19And feel life? New life, fresh life.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23No, I don't.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25You should try it, Tim. It's magical.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Yeah, I'm OK.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29She let me keep the afterbirth to create this piece.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Oh, wow, that's disgusting. I don't think I get it, Kieran.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Poppycock. You've been stockbroking too long, Tim.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Oh, wow.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43What does it make you think of?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I guess it kind of makes me, um...
0:13:46 > 0:13:47think of your penis.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Then you get it.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53Julie gets it.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Hi, I need you to talk to a buyer. This way.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00See you in a bit.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03JULIE LAUGHS
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Do you know what it's like
0:14:04 > 0:14:08to have your entire head inside its anus?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Julie? Poppycock.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16OK, so you're just completely immune to his animal magnetism?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19He looks good in a pair of hooves. What can I say?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23So, you going to tell me what happened today?
0:14:23 > 0:14:24I think I might've gotten that promotion.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Really? Oh, my God, that's amazing.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29- Well... - When? When do you start?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31All right, well, it's not official yet. It's not official.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- There's this dinner. - Good. When is it?
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- It's, uh, Saturday. - OK. We can do that.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40No, it's not really a girlfriend-type thing.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42It's really the guys from the office.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- And we have to bring a person. - What do you mean, "a person?"
0:14:45 > 0:14:50A...person with a skill or a talent of some kind.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Are you talking about strippers, here? cos I'm not...
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Oh, no, no. Nothing like that. No.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59We have to, uh, bring an idiot to dinner to make fun of them.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- OK, that is messed up. - I know,
0:15:05 > 0:15:08- I know. - So you told them you're not going.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Oh, yeah. No, absolutely.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Tell Fender that I can't make the dinner.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Tell him that my back thing is acting up
0:15:15 > 0:15:17and I have to stay in bed for a few days.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Why don't I just tell him you're having your period?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22'Tim, I can't stay on this floor any more.'
0:15:22 > 0:15:25These people are pathetic!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Happy Birthday, Carol.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28'Why can't you just suck it up,'
0:15:28 > 0:15:32make fun of some idiots and stop thinking about yourself for once?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Susana, I know this is painful for you,
0:15:34 > 0:15:36but sometimes in life you have to do the right thing.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Just lie. It's not that hard. I'm texting a lie right now!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Oh!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46HORN HONKS
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Jesus Christ!
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Are you OK?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Yeah, I'm OK.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- Is that a Porsche? - Yeah.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Oh, wow. I have been hit by a Datsun before.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- Never a Porsche. - Oh, man...
0:16:02 > 0:16:06- Barry Speck. - Tim Conrad.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Are you sure you're OK? I didn't see you. What were you doing?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13Oh, well, I saw this little guy in the street and was trying to save him.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- Uh, I think it's dead.- Yes, that's why he couldn't run away.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18A couple more seconds, you would've squished him.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Nice pelt, though.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- Ready? - PHONE CAMERA CLICKS
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Uh, I hope those aren't for your lawyer.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29No. I would rather not have lawyers get involved.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31All right, I get it.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34You said you were fine, but...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36what would it take to keep the lawyers out?
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Five.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Oh. - Five dollars.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45I don't... What do you mean?
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- Ten dollars. - Seriously, what? Come on.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50How much do you want?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- 100 dollars. - I don't want anything.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- 500 dollars. - I don't...it's OK.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- All right... - As long as you're OK, then...
0:17:01 > 0:17:0310,000!
0:17:04 > 0:17:07OK, I'll take 10,000 dollars.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I don't have 10,000.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17You know what? Don't worry about it.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- Really? - Yeah.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22As long as you're OK.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- Oh, you're a good person. - Nah, it's all right.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Oh... - Get out of the road!
0:17:26 > 0:17:28- You are. You're a good person. - Thank you.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30No, you are. You're a really nice person.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31All right, well, as long as you're OK,
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- that's OK.- Thanks. Thank you.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Yeah. You take care.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I won't forget this.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- Oh, you dropped your... - Oh, yeah. That's my latest series.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47I know. Mouseterpieces. Get it?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- That's the Mona Lisa. - That's the Mouse-a-Lisa.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53- Mouse-a-Lisa... - There they are.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Found her on the 405. From here down, she was a mess,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59but the head - perfect.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Oh, that's Cubism, Not as easy as it looks.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Well, it doesn't look easy.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I like her. I love the tail.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08GASPING
0:18:08 > 0:18:13- Check that out. You like them? - I'm speechless.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Mm. So is he.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Cos he's screaming.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21I was stopping by the store today to get some pelt wax and spine wire.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24You know, wanted to fill the guys in on what I've been up to.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28Oh, hey, you know what? I have some in the flesh. Want to see 'em?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Where did they...? Oh! Come here!
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Come here!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Hold on, hold on, hold on. Don't look!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38OK.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- All right. - Can I look?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Hold on, hold on, hold on...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Go ahead.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Wow. Incredible.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Does that guy look sort of familiar?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I'll give you a hint. He wrote the Bible.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01- Is it Jesus? - Yes!
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- You know your stuff! - Amazing.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Yeah. Well, it's a hobby. I like to think that...
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I'm sort of giving them a second chance, you know?
0:19:10 > 0:19:11In the words of John Lennon,
0:19:11 > 0:19:15"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not."
0:19:16 > 0:19:17"The only one."
0:19:17 > 0:19:19The only what?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21No, that's the lyric.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Oh... OK, Tim.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30You know, Barry, this was a very strange way to meet,
0:19:30 > 0:19:32but I think everything happens for a reason.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Whoa, whoa. Did you make that up?
0:19:35 > 0:19:36- Yeah. - Wow.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41"Everything happens for a reason." I like that.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Thanks. Anyway, tomorrow night, I'm having dinner with some friends.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Are you? That's incredible. Congratulations.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I was wondering, would you like to join us?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- You shitting me? - No.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Say that your girlfriend thinks meat is murder,
0:19:56 > 0:19:58and she convinces you to become a vegetarian.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02Then one day, you're grilling up a veggie burger, when all of a sudden,
0:20:02 > 0:20:06a chicken comes up, plucks itself, covers itself in barbecue sauce
0:20:06 > 0:20:08and flings itself on the grill.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10That's God sending a message, right?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Yeah, that chicken wants to die.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16No. God wants us to move to the seventh floor.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19And he sent his only son to tell me.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Come with me, my children, to the seventh floor.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25HE MIMICS CHORAL SINGING
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Tim! I'd like you to meet Mr and Mrs Mueller.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Of course! What a pleasure it is to meet you.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- THICK ACCENT:- Mr Conrad! You sent the lamp to my hotel.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- That's...yeah! - I wished to meet you in person.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Yes, Tim was really helpful when we came up with the idea for the lamps.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43And we'd been discussing personal investment as well.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46That's a conversation I'm very much looking forward to getting back to.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- Well, I'm glad we could do this. - Yeah.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Congratulations on your new Matisse.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- It's beautiful.- Oh!
0:20:55 > 0:20:59My wife is a true collector. It was quite a bidding war.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Well, to the victor go the spoils.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06You know my family crest. Our motto continues to inspire.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10- Ad Victorem Spolias. - Fantastic.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- Well, shall we? - Ah.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Join us.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26So you follow the art world, Mr Conrad?
0:21:26 > 0:21:30I try to. My girlfriend runs the Cronin Gallery downtown.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I would love to meet her. We must have brunch tomorrow.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36They can speak about beauty. We can speak about business.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Sounds perfect.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41I'll have my assistant make the arrangements.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Auf Wiedersehen.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52OK, what the hell just happened? This guy's supposed to be my client.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- You're still just an analyst... - No, no, this is better.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57I didn't know it was going to be a double date.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Tim's the only one here who isn't divorced or dating a hooker.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Wh...?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04This guy wants to invest 100 million,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07don't mess it up. We need this.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Well, the sixth floor steps up.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14- Excuse me. - Yeah.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Hey, rooting for you, buddy.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Good luck.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22My girlfriend's not a hooker.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23She tried to give me a BJ.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26If she didn't ask for money, then she's not a hooker, is she?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29She asked me for money. It wasn't that expensive, either.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32I still had a ton of singles left over from your sister's birthday party.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Hey, is Cinnamon a family name?
0:22:41 > 0:22:42- Oh, hey, honey.- Hey!
0:22:42 > 0:22:46Glad you're still here. Look, don't make plans tomorrow morning.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Why?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52How'd you like to have brunch with a fascinating Swiss couple?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- OK. - She's an art collector
0:22:54 > 0:22:56and he's got a lot of money.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- I need you. This is huge. - Oh, it's huge?
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Mmm. - Really huge.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- What's this? - Huh?
0:23:07 > 0:23:08What is this?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Oh, uh, that's a...
0:23:12 > 0:23:14it's a mouse dressed like Jesus.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Mm-hmm.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18This guy that I ran into today, he makes them.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21He's amazing. He's some kind of artisan.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Really? Are you doing that dinner?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27No.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31What? Hey, come on.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32No, not when you're lying to me.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- Julie, Fender invited me. - So?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Fender, as in Fender Financial?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41The you I know would have just said no.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44The me that you know did say no.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46But the me you don't know had to say yes.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- The you I don't know? - Yes.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Look, there's you and the me that you know.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54And we love each other and we have a wonderful life.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56But then there's the me that you don't know.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59The me you don't know has to do things sometimes so that you
0:23:59 > 0:24:02and the me that you know can live in this nice apartment,
0:24:02 > 0:24:04and eat at nice restaurants and go to Cabo for Christmas.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- He takes care of us. - You know what?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08There should not be any you I don't know.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10But there is. You might not like him.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I don't like him. I hate him! But we need him.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- It's like the CIA. - The CIA?
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Mm-hmm. The CIA does some pretty funky, nasty stuff in the shadows,
0:24:19 > 0:24:21but I, for one, am glad they're there.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23The CIA doesn't invite people to dinner
0:24:23 > 0:24:27- to make fun of them. - No. The CIA kills people.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30And I'm getting raked over the coals because of a little dinner.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Can I just ask you something?
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Is there any you I don't know who isn't completely full of shit?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38I'd love to talk to him right now.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Julie, come on. Julie!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43SHE SCOFFS AND MUTTERS
0:24:43 > 0:24:44Julie!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Julie, where are you going?
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I...I have to go meet Kieran and talk about San Francisco.
0:24:49 > 0:24:50Julie, please come out of the elevator.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52All right? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54I'll call him and tell him that the dinner's off.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56- I want to believe you. - You can believe me.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59I'll never see that guy in my life.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I promise.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Oh, my... Let's talk later.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05- In a few hours. - What?
0:25:05 > 0:25:06I think we need to cool off.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08- Gosh, I hate when that happens. - We'll talk in a bit, OK?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Just give ourselves a moment... Ah!
0:25:11 > 0:25:12I feel like I'm in The Shining.
0:25:14 > 0:25:15Ow!
0:25:17 > 0:25:19You are welcome.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Oh, God. My back, my back, my back.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Is it your back?
0:25:24 > 0:25:25What the hell are you doing here?
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Well, I went to the address you gave me.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Nobody was there.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Are we having this dinner or not?
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Ow... OK, just...slow.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Shh...
0:25:36 > 0:25:37All right.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40HE EXHALES
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- What are you doing? - I'm applying heat.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Barry, please stop doing that.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - I'm going to fix your back.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52- Barry, stop! - I am a trained taxidermist.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- And I am alive. - Wow. You are tight.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- Oh, God!- OK...
0:25:58 > 0:25:59CRACKING NOISES Aaargh!
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Wow, look at that face!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- Stop it! - OK, all right.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05I hope this doesn't mess up dinner.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07We're not having dinner tonight.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- It's tomorrow. - I don't think so, Tim.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Barry, I made the plans.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14I know when it is.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17- I'm pretty sure it's tonight. - It's not tonight.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20OK. All right. I guess one of us got confused.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22KEYPAD BEEPING
0:26:22 > 0:26:25MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Great. She left her phone here.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31You know what they say, everything happens for a reason.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- You said that. - You know what, Barry?
0:26:35 > 0:26:39I am really, really looking forward to our dinner tomorrow night.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43But right now, I'd appreciate it if you just left.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47And the reason is...?
0:26:47 > 0:26:48Because I got in a fight with my girlfriend,
0:26:48 > 0:26:53and because I'd like to be here alone when she comes back, OK?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55What if she doesn't come back?
0:26:55 > 0:26:57She's coming back.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Hey, we are going to get through this together.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I think I know someone who might make you feel better.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13Remember this guy from the street? This is you.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Barry, that was a dead mouse in the road
0:27:16 > 0:27:18a couple of hours ago. Please get it away from my face.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20It's like looking in a mirror, isn't it?
0:27:20 > 0:27:21You feel better?
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- It's amazing. - Are you cheered up?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Barry, I have a back brace in my bedroom.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30If you could just help me get off this couch...
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- Sure. - I want to do this
0:27:32 > 0:27:34very slowly and carefully.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36- Mm-hmm. - On the count of...
0:27:36 > 0:27:38three! HE SCREAMS
0:27:41 > 0:27:43- All you. - All right.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Now, I... If I could just...
0:27:55 > 0:27:56You can do it. You got it!
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Oh, yeah!
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Yeah, Tim!
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- You got this! I'll help! - No, no, no! I have it.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04- All right. - I'm good.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Tim, you look good!
0:28:09 > 0:28:12COMPUTER BEEPS
0:29:12 > 0:29:13What are you doing?
0:29:16 > 0:29:17- What are you doing? - Computer.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21Oh, my God! You gave her my address?!
0:29:21 > 0:29:24She's very concerned about you.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Barry, this woman is a nightmare.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29She's been stalking me for three years!
0:29:29 > 0:29:32I slept with her one night, biggest mistake of my life.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34It was before I even met Julie.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36- Why did you do that? - Because it was New Year's
0:29:36 > 0:29:39and I was drunk and she was wearing these fishnet stockings.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41You want me to tell her not to come?
0:29:43 > 0:29:46Go. Go.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48Come to dinner tomorrow and that's it. Let's go. Move!
0:29:48 > 0:29:50Come on! Go, go!
0:29:51 > 0:29:53Oh, my God, what have you done?
0:29:53 > 0:29:55I'm going to make it up to you.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17HE GASPS
0:30:24 > 0:30:25OK!
0:30:25 > 0:30:26OK!
0:30:26 > 0:30:28Oh, well, well, well.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31If it isn't Little Miss Panty Bottom.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33- I'm sorry, who are you? - I am a friend of Tim's.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36- Yeah, I don't know you. - Oh, you don't?
0:30:36 > 0:30:37So you know everything about Tim?
0:30:37 > 0:30:42You are the world's greatest expert on all things Tim?
0:30:42 > 0:30:44Did Tim invite you to a dinner tomorrow night?
0:30:44 > 0:30:46According to him, it is tomorrow night, yes.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50Right. You want my advice?
0:30:50 > 0:30:53- Don't go.- OK, may I give you some advice, too?
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Do not wear fishnets on New Year's Eve.
0:30:56 > 0:31:00It's too cold. When the wind blows, you gotta go with the hose.
0:31:00 > 0:31:02You know what? I really need to...
0:31:02 > 0:31:04Now, Darla, Darla, come on...
0:31:04 > 0:31:06- Darla? - Yes. He told me all about you.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Really? What did Tim tell you about me?
0:31:10 > 0:31:12- QUIETLY:- Told me about the sex.
0:31:13 > 0:31:14The sex?
0:31:15 > 0:31:16The dirty, dirty sex.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19But he lives with a woman named Julie
0:31:19 > 0:31:21and if she comes home and finds you, that, that...
0:31:21 > 0:31:23You can imagine how she would feel.
0:31:23 > 0:31:26Yeah, I imagine she'd be pretty pissed off.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29I gotta nip this in the bud. You gotta move along.
0:31:29 > 0:31:31You tell your friend, Tim, he can, uh...
0:31:31 > 0:31:32You tell him he can kiss my ass.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35Oh, don't have to. We have a picture.
0:31:35 > 0:31:36KNOCKS AT DOOR
0:31:37 > 0:31:42Problem solved. I intercepted your stalker in the hallway.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44- Darla showed up? - Mm-hmm.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46- And you got her to leave? - Oh, I don't think
0:31:46 > 0:31:49you're ever going to see her again.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53Wow! Who is that?
0:31:53 > 0:31:56Kieran Vollard. He's an artist.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59Very attractive man. He can fit a whole octopus in his mouth.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02Sort of an animal magnetism about him.
0:32:02 > 0:32:03That's what Julie says.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07"For Julie. Thanks for everything. Kieran."
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Everything?
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Yeah, she curated his show.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15Hmm... Bet that's not all she curated.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17I don't know what that means, Barry.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19Well, I don't know what curated means.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21Where is she?
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Working.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27Probably with Kieran.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Where? In his bed?
0:32:30 > 0:32:34I seriously doubt they're working in his bed.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Well, if they're not working, why are they in his bed?
0:32:36 > 0:32:40Oh, Tim, you need to call Kieran's house and see if she's there.
0:32:40 > 0:32:41I'm not doing that.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43It's the only way you're going to know for sure.
0:32:43 > 0:32:44- I'm not calling. - I'm telling you...
0:32:44 > 0:32:48No, I'm not going to call Kieran and say I don't know where Julie is.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50- Do it. Do it. - No. No.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52- All right, I will. - What reason could you possibly have
0:32:52 > 0:32:56- for calling him?- I want to make a movie about his life.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58I want to make a documentary. I gain his confidence
0:32:58 > 0:33:01and then he starts feeling more relaxed about talking to me.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03He's really opening up to me.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05We're talking about his sex life and then...
0:33:05 > 0:33:09Julie's name pops up and we've got it on tape!
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Yeah. He's been curated!
0:33:11 > 0:33:14Well, that sounds like a bulletproof plan.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16What's his number?
0:33:16 > 0:33:19- 1-1-1...1-1... - Hold on.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21OK. Go.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23- 1-1-1... - Mm-hmm. Got that.
0:33:23 > 0:33:24- ..1-1... - Mm-hmm.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26- ..1-1. - OK.
0:33:31 > 0:33:32RAPID BEEPING
0:33:32 > 0:33:34He must've changed his number. I'm just getting a weird sound.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37Uh... Oh, well. We tried.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40There he is. Kieran Vollard. I got him.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43Don't! Don't! BEEPING
0:33:43 > 0:33:46- I'm serious. Don't call him. - It's ringing.
0:33:46 > 0:33:47Hang up the phone.
0:33:47 > 0:33:48Hang up the phone!
0:33:48 > 0:33:50I'm going to do an accent.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52Don't do an accent. Hang up the phone.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54'Hello?'
0:33:54 > 0:33:56- BAD BRITISH ACCENT:- Hello! How are you?
0:33:56 > 0:33:59This is Nigel!
0:33:59 > 0:34:01I'm a documentary film-maker
0:34:01 > 0:34:03- from London, England. - Hang up!
0:34:03 > 0:34:06May I speak to Kieran Vollard, please?
0:34:06 > 0:34:07'This is Kieran.'
0:34:07 > 0:34:08Ah, Kieran.
0:34:08 > 0:34:12I want to make a documentary about your life.
0:34:12 > 0:34:13WOMAN GIGGLES
0:34:13 > 0:34:15'Start the water, I'll be right in.
0:34:15 > 0:34:16'Yeah, I could do an interview.'
0:34:16 > 0:34:20Smashing! Champagne wishes and caviar dreams!
0:34:20 > 0:34:23I will have my man-servant contact you with the details.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26That sounded like Julie's laugh.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28She might've been there!
0:34:28 > 0:34:30- I'm going over there. - No, Tim!
0:34:30 > 0:34:33- Ow! - You can't drive in this condition.
0:34:34 > 0:34:35GRINDING NOISES Clutch!
0:34:35 > 0:34:37Oh, God, use the clu...
0:34:37 > 0:34:40You can't just shift. You need to use the clutch, Barry.
0:34:40 > 0:34:41Oh, God.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47OK, hold on. I'll get it.
0:34:52 > 0:34:53No, no, no, no...
0:34:53 > 0:34:54OK. I got it.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58Oh...
0:35:02 > 0:35:03She's gotta be in there.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06Just need to get her attention.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09HOOTS AND RATTLES KEYS
0:35:11 > 0:35:14- Those were my car keys, weren't they?- Uh-huh.
0:35:19 > 0:35:21TIM GROANS
0:35:23 > 0:35:26TIM MOANS Oh, God.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Here we go. Let's do this thing.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Barry! Barry, just...
0:35:35 > 0:35:37Just get the keys and come back!
0:35:37 > 0:35:39PHONE RINGS Barry!
0:35:39 > 0:35:41HE MOUTHS
0:35:41 > 0:35:43PHONE RINGS
0:35:44 > 0:35:45I am inside the apartment.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47I know. I want you out of the apartment.
0:35:47 > 0:35:48Get the keys and let's get out of here!
0:35:48 > 0:35:51Oh, Tim, I wish you could see this place! it's amazing!
0:35:51 > 0:35:53I thought you had a great apartment...this...
0:35:53 > 0:35:57this, my friend... Oh, my God!
0:36:00 > 0:36:02He's friends with Morgan Freeman.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04Please get the hell out of there.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10He's coming!
0:36:26 > 0:36:29KIERAN PLAYS BONGOS
0:36:35 > 0:36:37HE GRUNTS
0:36:48 > 0:36:51- Cat got the Tim mouse! - Forget about the mouse! Come on!
0:36:52 > 0:36:54Get the keys and get out of there!
0:36:54 > 0:36:57Forget the mouse! HE BABBLES NONSENSE SOUNDS
0:36:57 > 0:36:58CAT MEOWS
0:36:58 > 0:37:00HE MIMICS MEOWING
0:37:06 > 0:37:07- MEOWING VOICE:- Thank you.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09Hey, he's OK.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Hide! Hide!
0:37:26 > 0:37:28Kieran, I'm ready.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31J'arrive, ma cherie.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Barry!
0:37:33 > 0:37:35Barry.
0:37:35 > 0:37:36HE GASPS
0:37:38 > 0:37:39Julie's here.
0:37:43 > 0:37:44HE GROANS
0:37:44 > 0:37:45- KIERAN:- Oh, yes...
0:37:45 > 0:37:46JUNGLE NOISES
0:37:46 > 0:37:48Sounds like they're having intercourse.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50JUNGLE BIRDS CAW
0:37:50 > 0:37:52Oh, fantastic.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54WOMAN MIMICS BIRD CAW
0:37:54 > 0:37:56CAMERA CLICKS
0:37:56 > 0:37:58I'm having trouble describing what I'm looking at.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01Fly, fly...
0:38:03 > 0:38:06Yes! Primordial...
0:38:13 > 0:38:14Hello.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18- Who are you? - Um...
0:38:18 > 0:38:21Monique, Christina, this is Tim.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23He's a stockbroker, or something like that.
0:38:23 > 0:38:27- Tim, can I help you? - No, no, no. Sorry, I...
0:38:27 > 0:38:28- BAD BRITISH ACCENT: - I'm Nigel Nigel!
0:38:28 > 0:38:32- I'm here doing a documentary! - You can stop that now, Barry.
0:38:32 > 0:38:36My name's not Barry! So, what have you done with Julie?
0:38:36 > 0:38:40Tim...has Julie left you?
0:38:40 > 0:38:44Oh, Tim. I was always very attracted to Julie and I still am.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47You must be broken. She's a wonderful creature.
0:38:47 > 0:38:48Stop...
0:38:48 > 0:38:50I have to say, though, Tim, I'm not surprised.
0:38:50 > 0:38:51Really?
0:38:51 > 0:38:53There's not a lot of monogamy in the animal kingdom.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56Not many animals mate for life. Penguins do.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59I've spent a lot of time with penguins, and they're really cool.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02And maybe you're a penguin, Tim, but Julie's not a penguin.
0:39:02 > 0:39:06She's a lioness. Don't try to mate a lioness with a penguin.
0:39:06 > 0:39:11Ever. Have you ever seen a mammal and a bird mate?
0:39:11 > 0:39:13I've never even heard of that.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16Is that right? You going to try and tame her?
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Cos I don't think you're her type.
0:39:18 > 0:39:21Maybe. But I have something.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24Something that women respond to.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27That's true. Julie and I have been saying that.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29- Tim doesn't get it. - He's right.
0:39:29 > 0:39:31Listen to your friend.
0:39:31 > 0:39:34Am I going to make love with Christina and Monique tonight?
0:39:34 > 0:39:37Hell, yes! Guilty. You caught me out. Yeah.
0:39:37 > 0:39:39But only because it's part of my process.
0:39:39 > 0:39:41Your "process?"
0:39:41 > 0:39:43There are two things in this world.
0:39:43 > 0:39:48Wonderful, visceral, sexy sex...
0:39:48 > 0:39:50and death.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Horrible, boring death.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Now, I'm going to go off and have some sex with these girls.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Before I die.
0:39:59 > 0:40:03- Go ahead.- If you guys want to join, that's cool.
0:40:03 > 0:40:05But don't look at me in the eye. It puts me off.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08- What?- OK, you're not into it. That's cool.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11Good to see ya, Tim. Thanks for visiting. Great to meet you.
0:40:15 > 0:40:16I want to grow a beard.
0:40:19 > 0:40:21I know you're set on a documentary, but hear me out...
0:40:21 > 0:40:25Charlize Theron plays Julie. Kieran plays himself.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27I don't know. It is something to think about.
0:40:27 > 0:40:28Three, two, one...
0:40:28 > 0:40:30CRACK! Ow!
0:40:32 > 0:40:33- Oh, my God. - Mm-hmm.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36Oh, my God! How did you do that?
0:40:38 > 0:40:41A human back and a rodent back are eerily similar.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44- Thank you. - You're welcome.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Now, go.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49- What about dinner? - It's tomorrow, Barry.
0:40:49 > 0:40:50Tomorrow.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53That's interesting.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56You say you're over Darla and yet you have a picture of her in your apartment.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58How does Julie feel about that?
0:41:01 > 0:41:02That is Julie.
0:41:03 > 0:41:05Hmm?
0:41:06 > 0:41:09Barry, is that the woman you talked to in the hallway?
0:41:11 > 0:41:12Hmm...
0:41:12 > 0:41:14- HE MUTTERS - Well...
0:41:16 > 0:41:18She has the same face.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21DOORBELL RINGS
0:41:21 > 0:41:23I'll get the door.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27Where's Tim?
0:41:29 > 0:41:32- Oh, God. - Well, well.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36You blew it with Julie.
0:41:36 > 0:41:38Just like you blew it with me.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Poor little Timmy.
0:41:40 > 0:41:42- HE MOUTHS - You missed your chance.
0:41:42 > 0:41:44And you'll never have me again.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47- Let's go. - Oh! You're hurting me.
0:41:47 > 0:41:51- I'm not. Oh, stop it. - Please, stop hurting me.
0:41:51 > 0:41:55- I'm not even touching you. - Why do we keep doing this?
0:41:55 > 0:41:58Huh? You know, some day, I'm really going to leave you.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04Ugh...
0:42:04 > 0:42:07All right, go, go! Get out of my house, right now!
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Ow! Ah! Ow!
0:42:09 > 0:42:11- You're very cruel, Tim. - Oh!
0:42:11 > 0:42:14- Hello. - Who's your friend?
0:42:14 > 0:42:15Barry, his name's Barry.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19Want to watch while I screw Barry's brains out?
0:42:19 > 0:42:22I can honestly say no to that one.
0:42:22 > 0:42:23Oh, really?
0:42:24 > 0:42:25So, do you guys want to get pizza?
0:42:28 > 0:42:30Want to lick cheese off my naked body?
0:42:30 > 0:42:32- PHONE RINGING - Oh, I'm sure Tim has plates.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34- Hello? JULIE:- 'Hey, who's Darla?
0:42:34 > 0:42:36'I just met your friend earlier.
0:42:36 > 0:42:37'He told me some pretty interesting things
0:42:37 > 0:42:39- 'about this woman.' - What did he say?
0:42:39 > 0:42:41'Oh, I don't know. He spoke about...'
0:42:41 > 0:42:43Oh, wow, you're like a friendly dog.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46- '..talked about sex...' - What?
0:42:46 > 0:42:47What exactly did he say?
0:42:47 > 0:42:49'Can you just tell me? Are you cheating on me?
0:42:49 > 0:42:51'It's not a difficult question to answer!
0:42:51 > 0:42:55- 'Hello? Are you cheating on me?' - She put it in her pants.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57'Tim! I don't know why it's so hard for you to answer..'
0:42:57 > 0:42:59Julie! You're crazy to think that I'm cheating on you!
0:42:59 > 0:43:02That's insane! Where are you? Where are you?
0:43:02 > 0:43:04- Julie! - Oh, I think I hung up.
0:43:05 > 0:43:07You have no right! Ow!
0:43:07 > 0:43:09No right? Huh? Barry, we're going to be a while.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11- You're a crazy person. - All right, I'll be here.
0:43:11 > 0:43:15Hey, Tim? Tim?
0:43:15 > 0:43:17- Tim? - Oh, God...
0:43:17 > 0:43:20Tim? Timmy Tim?
0:43:20 > 0:43:23What do you say? Should we drive him crazy, huh?
0:43:23 > 0:43:25OK!
0:43:25 > 0:43:28I'm a naughty little schoolgirl!
0:43:28 > 0:43:30You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.
0:43:30 > 0:43:32I need to be punished!
0:43:32 > 0:43:34Hey, Naomi, how you doing? It's Tim.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36I'm wondering if you've heard from Julie.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39Don't you want to be my schoolteacher?
0:43:39 > 0:43:41I'm really not qualified. I work for the IRS.
0:43:41 > 0:43:43- No, no, no... - Not tonight.
0:43:43 > 0:43:45- No, all the time. I work... - OK, OK.
0:43:45 > 0:43:50You work for the IRS and I have been very...
0:43:50 > 0:43:52very bad.
0:43:52 > 0:43:54Have you heard from Julie, by any chance?
0:43:54 > 0:43:58- No? - I need to be spanked! Now!
0:43:58 > 0:44:00Well, that's really not the way it works.
0:44:00 > 0:44:03You probably just have to pay the difference, plus interest.
0:44:03 > 0:44:04OK, I...
0:44:04 > 0:44:07- I need you to spank me real hard. - I'm looking for Julie.
0:44:07 > 0:44:09Spank me hard, Barry!
0:44:09 > 0:44:11- Barry! - Uh, no, no. That's the TV.
0:44:11 > 0:44:13Ow!
0:44:13 > 0:44:14Ow!
0:44:14 > 0:44:17Oh, yeah! Oh, Barry!
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Ooh, yeah! Oh, Barry!
0:44:24 > 0:44:26Oh, Barry!
0:44:26 > 0:44:29If she gets in touch with you, please tell her to call me.
0:44:29 > 0:44:30It's an emergency.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33You're like some crazy animal all over...
0:44:33 > 0:44:34I want to be a penguin!
0:44:34 > 0:44:36- I like to eat penguins. - Hope you don't catch me.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Penguins are very slow.
0:44:38 > 0:44:39Except I'm Turbo Penguin!
0:44:41 > 0:44:42Come here. Come on.
0:44:42 > 0:44:44- I'm going to catch you. - You can't get me.
0:44:44 > 0:44:46Did you hurt your knee?
0:44:46 > 0:44:50Barry, that's funny, You are a bad little penguin.
0:44:52 > 0:44:54Don't get me!
0:44:54 > 0:44:55Come here!
0:44:55 > 0:44:58Oh!
0:44:58 > 0:45:00- Ooh... - BARRY LAUGHS
0:45:02 > 0:45:04Oh! Ooh...
0:45:04 > 0:45:08- You're going to die. - No, I'm not.
0:45:09 > 0:45:12HE MIMICS PENGUIN QUACK
0:45:12 > 0:45:14GLASS SHATTERS Oh, God.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25- God! - Uh-oh.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35Barry?
0:45:35 > 0:45:38Tim? Call me! OK?
0:45:38 > 0:45:42This was so much fun! I love you!
0:45:42 > 0:45:43For ever!
0:45:43 > 0:45:47- And ever... - DOOR CLOSES
0:45:53 > 0:45:55Barry!
0:45:55 > 0:45:57Barry.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04Works every time.
0:46:04 > 0:46:07If you are attacked, you should always play dead.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10People don't want to punch something that's dead.
0:46:10 > 0:46:11- It's instinctual. - She's gone?
0:46:11 > 0:46:13Yes, she is.
0:46:13 > 0:46:16- Oh, my God.- Yeah, we had a little bit of a ruckus.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Oh, my God!
0:46:18 > 0:46:19- MESSAGE ALERT BEEPS - That your phone?
0:46:19 > 0:46:20Julie's.
0:46:26 > 0:46:28Kieran.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30Hey, listen, when you get up there,
0:46:30 > 0:46:31let the horse into the pasture.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33She loves to run around in the grass.
0:46:33 > 0:46:36Grab a bottle of wine, make yourself a fire,
0:46:36 > 0:46:38stay as long as you want. This is going to be good for you.
0:46:38 > 0:46:41- She's going to his ranch. - Oh, my God.
0:46:43 > 0:46:44- That's code. - What?
0:46:44 > 0:46:48It's code, Tim. You should watch Law & Order.
0:46:48 > 0:46:50Horse is heroin.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Grass...marijuana.
0:46:54 > 0:46:57The horse likes to run around on the grass.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00The heroin likes to run around on the marijuana.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04Wine. Alcohol.
0:47:04 > 0:47:05Like beer. Or wine.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09Oh, man, they are planning one hell of a party.
0:47:09 > 0:47:11It's going to be wild up there.
0:47:11 > 0:47:15I think that you need to get out of my house in the next...30 seconds,
0:47:15 > 0:47:18before I beat you to death with the chair that you're sitting in.
0:47:18 > 0:47:21- What? - You have to go. I want you to go.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23Who's going to help you with Julie?
0:47:23 > 0:47:27Who's going to help me with Julie? You didn't really just say that, did you?
0:47:27 > 0:47:29Because of you, Julie thinks I'm having an affair
0:47:29 > 0:47:31and she's on her way to Kieran's ranch! Whatever you do,
0:47:31 > 0:47:33- don't help me with Julie! - Whoa! Whoa!
0:47:33 > 0:47:35We should go there and we should explain the whole mix-up.
0:47:35 > 0:47:38I don't know where it is. It's unlisted! He goes there to disappear!
0:47:38 > 0:47:42Please, please, I'm begging you! Go, leave, go!
0:47:42 > 0:47:43I'm sorry.
0:47:46 > 0:47:48I'm sorry, Tim.
0:47:51 > 0:47:55Wait. Tim, Tim!
0:47:55 > 0:47:59I work at the Canoga Processing Centre.
0:47:59 > 0:48:03It's only the second-largest IRS processing centre on the West Coast.
0:48:03 > 0:48:05And you're telling me this now because...?
0:48:05 > 0:48:09If Kieran has a ranch, we can find the address from his tax return.
0:48:09 > 0:48:14And if he's up there sleeping with Julie, that's not business-related.
0:48:14 > 0:48:15He can't deduct that.
0:48:16 > 0:48:18You can get me his tax returns?
0:48:18 > 0:48:19No.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22But I know somebody who can.
0:48:22 > 0:48:24There it is. The mother ship.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26- It looks deserted. - No, no, no.
0:48:26 > 0:48:29He's in there. My boss never sleeps.
0:48:29 > 0:48:31Be careful around this guy.
0:48:31 > 0:48:34- He can tell what you're thinking. - What are you talking about?
0:48:34 > 0:48:37Don't look him in the eye. Don't think any embarrassing thoughts.
0:48:37 > 0:48:40Just keep your mind blank.
0:48:44 > 0:48:48Therman? I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Tim Conrad.
0:48:48 > 0:48:49Uh... Hi.
0:48:51 > 0:48:55I could use some help and Barry says you're just the man for the job.
0:48:55 > 0:48:57Have a seat.
0:48:57 > 0:49:00I did an audit on a Steven Conrad two years ago.
0:49:00 > 0:49:02Any relation?
0:49:02 > 0:49:05- Where does he live? - Bayside State Prison.
0:49:05 > 0:49:07- He's doing seven years. - Oh.
0:49:07 > 0:49:10Are you hiding something, Mr Conrad?
0:49:10 > 0:49:12What is it that you do for a living?
0:49:12 > 0:49:14Don't ask. He makes money.
0:49:14 > 0:49:17Nobody knows where it comes from, though.
0:49:17 > 0:49:18Shall we take a look at his return, Barry?
0:49:18 > 0:49:20Mm.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24Guys, I think we're getting a little off track here.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26- I'm in a bit of a rush. - That's him.
0:49:26 > 0:49:31Gu... Bar... Guys, I don't have much time, so...
0:49:32 > 0:49:34Mr Conrad...
0:49:36 > 0:49:40..men lie to me a thousand times a day.
0:49:41 > 0:49:45And my job...is to find the truth.
0:49:45 > 0:49:47- Right, Barry? - Mm.
0:49:47 > 0:49:49I've studied the human mind.
0:49:49 > 0:49:53I've learned how to read it and ultimately control it.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55This is fascinating, I can't wait to read it.
0:49:55 > 0:49:57It's 14.99 on my website,
0:49:57 > 0:50:00- OK. - Plus shipping and handling.
0:50:00 > 0:50:01Even if I buy it here?
0:50:01 > 0:50:03It's shipped from somewhere else, isn't it?
0:50:03 > 0:50:05And I've been handling it.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09Uh, could you just tell Therman why we're here?
0:50:09 > 0:50:13We are looking for an address of a non-deductible vacation property.
0:50:14 > 0:50:16You're looking for someone or some thing.
0:50:18 > 0:50:23That's exactly right. Tim is looking for his girlfriend.
0:50:23 > 0:50:26She ran off with an artist. They are probably sleeping together.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28- Oh, God... - Your girlfriend has left you.
0:50:28 > 0:50:32- Tim, he can see right through you. - You also just told him that.
0:50:32 > 0:50:35Are you still sceptical, Mr Conrad?
0:50:35 > 0:50:38Watch this. Barry...
0:50:39 > 0:50:41What is he doing?
0:50:41 > 0:50:45He's making me do something. What is he making me do?
0:50:45 > 0:50:47You're not doing anything, Barry.
0:50:47 > 0:50:49That's right, Barry. You're not doing anything.
0:50:49 > 0:50:52I'm not doing anything.
0:50:52 > 0:50:55I'm paralysed. Oh, God.
0:50:55 > 0:50:57God can't hear you, Barry.
0:50:57 > 0:50:59- Tim? - Tim can't hear you, Barry.
0:50:59 > 0:51:03- No, actually, I can hear him. - Oh! My body's a prison.
0:51:03 > 0:51:07Oh! This is so painful.
0:51:07 > 0:51:10I can't move, Tim.
0:51:10 > 0:51:14Tim, help me. Help me, Tim.
0:51:14 > 0:51:16All right, you know what, Barry? Just move. You can do it. Just move.
0:51:16 > 0:51:18HE GRUNTS
0:51:21 > 0:51:22I release you.
0:51:23 > 0:51:29Wow. OK, I will never take movement for granted ever again.
0:51:29 > 0:51:33Well, I was wrong. Apparently, his brain really is your puppet.
0:51:33 > 0:51:35I need an address.
0:51:35 > 0:51:39- Can you help me, please? - Perhaps. For a price.
0:51:39 > 0:51:42- How much? - I just need to hear Barry say,
0:51:42 > 0:51:44"You can eat my pudding."
0:51:44 > 0:51:47Uh-uh. No.
0:51:47 > 0:51:51Barry, I can make you say it.
0:51:51 > 0:51:56But with your own free will, say, "You can eat my pudding."
0:51:56 > 0:51:58I'm not going to say it.
0:51:58 > 0:52:00Barry, I'm going to eat it, anyway!
0:52:00 > 0:52:04But I want you to say, "You can eat my pudding!"
0:52:05 > 0:52:09Barry, I will give you a thousand dollars if you say it, right now.
0:52:09 > 0:52:10A thousand dollars?
0:52:10 > 0:52:13Barry, your friend is a high roller.
0:52:13 > 0:52:17- You are hiding something. - Wait a minute. No, wait...
0:52:17 > 0:52:19Um, uh... Can we just stick to the issue at hand?
0:52:19 > 0:52:21Oh...you almost had me.
0:52:21 > 0:52:24But you cannot declare offshore investment losses
0:52:24 > 0:52:28against future capital gains. Any child knows that.
0:52:28 > 0:52:31I'll have to ask my accountant about that.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36WHEEZING LAUGHTER
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Uh...
0:52:38 > 0:52:40WHEEZING LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:52:46 > 0:52:49LAUGHTER STOPS ABRUPTLY
0:52:50 > 0:52:52Mr Conrad...
0:52:52 > 0:52:54you, my friend, are being audited.
0:52:54 > 0:52:56No, no, no. No, no.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58Call the 800 number.
0:53:00 > 0:53:01I release you.
0:53:04 > 0:53:06Hey, Tim?
0:53:08 > 0:53:11I guess you just have to remember what the wise man once said...
0:53:13 > 0:53:15.."Everything happens for a reason."
0:53:16 > 0:53:19- You know who said that? - Shut up, Barry.
0:53:20 > 0:53:22- You did. You're the wise man. - Don't talk.
0:53:22 > 0:53:24Don't say a word. Don't move your lips.
0:53:27 > 0:53:30Oh, my God. It's Martha.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32It's my ex-wife.
0:53:34 > 0:53:36MARTHA GIGGLES
0:53:39 > 0:53:41There's my magic man.
0:53:46 > 0:53:48SHE GIGGLES
0:53:52 > 0:53:54- Look at you. - Get in the car, Pudding.- OK.
0:54:01 > 0:54:04ENGINE STARTS, MARTHA GIGGLES
0:54:04 > 0:54:06I used to call her Pudding.
0:54:08 > 0:54:11Look, why don't we just each go home, we'll get some sleep,
0:54:11 > 0:54:13and I'll see you tomorrow at the dinner.
0:54:13 > 0:54:15OK. Oh...
0:54:17 > 0:54:19I think I left my bus pass at your apartment.
0:54:19 > 0:54:21- I'll drive you home. - OK.
0:54:21 > 0:54:25Oh! I left my keys at your apartment, too.
0:54:26 > 0:54:30That's OK. You know what? I'll just sleep here. I have a cubicle.
0:54:30 > 0:54:32- I can pull two chairs together. - It's all right.
0:54:32 > 0:54:34- Get in the car. - I can fashion them into a bed.
0:54:34 > 0:54:37They... Well, they sort of roll apart in the middle, so...
0:54:37 > 0:54:38- Barry, Barry... - ..you sag.
0:54:38 > 0:54:40- You can stay with me. - Don't worry about me.
0:54:40 > 0:54:43- I insist. - Really?
0:54:43 > 0:54:45- Yeah. - I won't cramp your style?
0:54:45 > 0:54:48- It's already cramped. - OK.
0:54:57 > 0:54:58Wow.
0:54:58 > 0:55:02- What are you doing? - You're going to propose to her?
0:55:02 > 0:55:04I have, a few times.
0:55:04 > 0:55:06- Why do you carry this around? - In case she changes her mind.
0:55:06 > 0:55:09- Please don't go through my pockets. - OK.
0:55:13 > 0:55:15Hey, Tim?
0:55:15 > 0:55:18The first night alone is always the hardest.
0:55:18 > 0:55:20I can sleep in there with you if you want.
0:55:20 > 0:55:21No, thank you.
0:55:21 > 0:55:24Hey, just don't think about the fact you can't sleep.
0:55:24 > 0:55:27Because then you're sunk. Then you just start thinking, "Wow, what's going on?"
0:55:27 > 0:55:28Your mind starts reeling.
0:55:28 > 0:55:31"Where's Julie? Oh, she's with Kieran."
0:55:31 > 0:55:34"Is he a better lover than I am? Yes, he is."
0:55:34 > 0:55:35Don't think about that.
0:55:35 > 0:55:38Get those thoughts out of your head.
0:55:38 > 0:55:42- Why are you putting on aftershave? - Oh, force of habit.
0:55:43 > 0:55:46When I was married, I used to stay up late working on my mice,
0:55:46 > 0:55:48and Martha hated the smell of formaldehyde.
0:55:49 > 0:55:51You can smell them both, Barry.
0:55:51 > 0:55:55Two layers of bad smell.
0:55:55 > 0:55:58That's exactly what Martha used to say.
0:56:00 > 0:56:01Goodnight.
0:56:09 > 0:56:10- WHISPERS:- Tim?
0:56:15 > 0:56:18- Tim?- What, Barry?
0:56:18 > 0:56:19I can't sleep. I'm too excited about dinner.
0:56:19 > 0:56:22- Oh, God! - What are you going to wear?
0:56:22 > 0:56:24Should I rent a tux? Or is that too formal?
0:56:24 > 0:56:25Here's the thing -
0:56:25 > 0:56:28It's always better to be overdressed than under dressed, right?
0:56:28 > 0:56:30BARRY LAUGHS
0:56:34 > 0:56:38Thanks, Tim! That's great!
0:56:38 > 0:56:42- YELLS:- Oh, he ate it! He's eating paper!
0:56:43 > 0:56:44No...
0:56:47 > 0:56:51LOUD LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:56:55 > 0:56:57CLOCK TICKS LOUDLY
0:57:47 > 0:57:49I'll be back in a few hours.
0:57:49 > 0:57:51Don't play with the stove.
0:57:51 > 0:57:54Don't do anything with electricity.
0:57:55 > 0:57:56Do you understand?
0:57:56 > 0:57:59Sometimes I think you think I'm an idiot.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01Just stay in the chair. Promise me.
0:58:01 > 0:58:05I will. I will stay in the chair. Why is this brunch so important?
0:58:05 > 0:58:07Because the future of my career depends on it.
0:58:07 > 0:58:09It's a very important potential client.
0:58:09 > 0:58:10I can help.
0:58:10 > 0:58:12You want to help me? Stay in the chair.
0:58:12 > 0:58:13OK.
0:58:13 > 0:58:16I'll pick you up for dinner. All right?
0:58:18 > 0:58:20- You going to stay in that chair? - Yes.
0:58:20 > 0:58:21That's it.
0:58:23 > 0:58:25PHONE RINGS
0:58:30 > 0:58:31Hello?
0:58:31 > 0:58:33'You got everything you need for brunch?'
0:58:33 > 0:58:36- Uh-huh. - OK, you got me working Saturday,
0:58:36 > 0:58:39so I'm billing you overtime for this.
0:58:39 > 0:58:42You're going to Madison Restaurant, 10am.
0:58:42 > 0:58:44Don't be late. They're Swiss.
0:58:44 > 0:58:46'And make sure Julie's there.
0:58:46 > 0:58:49- 'They're dying to meet her.' - OK, Julie'll be there.
0:58:50 > 0:58:51Tim?
0:58:51 > 0:58:53Tim!
0:58:54 > 0:58:56Tim?
0:59:07 > 0:59:10Tim? Tim!
0:59:10 > 0:59:12Tim!
0:59:12 > 0:59:14Hi, Tim? We switched phones.
0:59:14 > 0:59:18I need to talk to you. Julie has to go to that brunch! OK.
0:59:20 > 0:59:21Oh!
0:59:23 > 0:59:27Hi, Tim, me again. I just realised you can't get my messages.
0:59:27 > 0:59:30My password is P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D.
0:59:30 > 0:59:32OK.
0:59:33 > 0:59:36Oh, God!
0:59:36 > 0:59:38You can't get that message, either! Why am I...?!
0:59:44 > 0:59:46- This way, sir. - Thank you.
0:59:47 > 0:59:49We feared that some disaster had befallen you.
0:59:49 > 0:59:52- I'm so sorry I'm late. - And where is...?
0:59:52 > 0:59:56Julie sends her regrets. She dropped a box on her foot
0:59:56 > 0:59:59and broke a distal phalange.
0:59:59 > 1:00:01Please wish her a swift recovery.
1:00:01 > 1:00:03I had hoped for another woman to lend some poetry.
1:00:03 > 1:00:05I understood from my husband
1:00:05 > 1:00:08I would not have to suffer another business conversation.
1:00:08 > 1:00:10What was it Baudelaire said?
1:00:10 > 1:00:13"Misunderstanding makes the world go round."
1:00:13 > 1:00:15I see we will have poetry after all.
1:00:15 > 1:00:18It is rare to find an American businessman with a sense of culture.
1:00:18 > 1:00:20Mm.
1:00:20 > 1:00:22RINGTONE PLAYS: "Escape" by Rupert Holmes
1:00:30 > 1:00:34Tim! It's me again! Barry! Disregard all previous messages!
1:00:34 > 1:00:38I figured it out! Help is on the way! Bye!
1:00:39 > 1:00:42Obviously, many of the strategies are complex.
1:00:42 > 1:00:46- I imagine you have several questions.- I am a simple man, Mr Conrad.
1:00:46 > 1:00:50My father left me with very little, except for all of his money.
1:00:50 > 1:00:53The world is full of people who want to separate me from it.
1:00:53 > 1:00:57Why should I trust you with 100 million?
1:00:57 > 1:00:59A very fair question.
1:00:59 > 1:01:03Now, you're obviously very civilised people.
1:01:03 > 1:01:06But unfortunately, the world of finance is a brutal place.
1:01:06 > 1:01:11The good hunters win. The bad hunters lose.
1:01:11 > 1:01:13I am a very good hunter.
1:01:13 > 1:01:16You are refreshingly honest, Mr Conrad.
1:01:16 > 1:01:19I try to be. I hope we can do business together.
1:01:21 > 1:01:22A call for you, sir.
1:01:25 > 1:01:27I'm so sorry. Excuse me. Hello?
1:01:27 > 1:01:28'I got your back, Tim. Can you hear me?'
1:01:28 > 1:01:30- Hello? - 'Hello!'
1:01:30 > 1:01:33- Hello? Hello? Hello? - Hello. Hello.
1:01:33 > 1:01:39Hello. My name is Tim's brother, Barry, and this is Julie.
1:01:39 > 1:01:41Tim, look. I brought Julie.
1:01:41 > 1:01:45Hi, my love. Oh, I have missed you so.
1:01:47 > 1:01:49Um, you...
1:01:49 > 1:01:52You know... Your phalange. You shouldn't be here.
1:01:52 > 1:01:55Nonsense, She is the picture of health.
1:01:55 > 1:01:57Please, sit. Sit. Sit.
1:02:01 > 1:02:02Thank you.
1:02:05 > 1:02:07- Birgit Mueller. - Such a pleasure.
1:02:07 > 1:02:10- Martin Mueller, delighted. - Such a pleasure.
1:02:10 > 1:02:13And I am Barry. Delightful.
1:02:15 > 1:02:18I am so pleased you could join us. I always say you do not know a man
1:02:18 > 1:02:21until you meet his partner in love.
1:02:21 > 1:02:25I couldn't agree more. I would love to go over some of these main points.
1:02:25 > 1:02:29- YELLS:- Where are you from?! - We are from Switzerland.
1:02:29 > 1:02:33- We're going to focus on business. - Switzerland! I love Switzerland.
1:02:33 > 1:02:34It is one of my favourite countries.
1:02:34 > 1:02:38I love your army knives, with the toothpicks.
1:02:38 > 1:02:42And your cheese. Does the cheese come out of the cow with the holes?
1:02:44 > 1:02:48Our countries are not enemies. They are friends.
1:02:48 > 1:02:51- We are friends. - You have been to Switzerland?
1:02:51 > 1:02:54No, but I have a friend who drives a Volvo.
1:02:54 > 1:02:56And I speak a little of your language.
1:02:56 > 1:02:58HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
1:03:01 > 1:03:04That's my brother. Always joking.
1:03:04 > 1:03:07Oh! It's a jokey joke, ja?
1:03:12 > 1:03:17Uh, you know, we should, uh, continue this conversation back in my office.
1:03:17 > 1:03:20But I have not received my salmon.
1:03:20 > 1:03:22Or my green salad.
1:03:27 > 1:03:28So...
1:03:28 > 1:03:32do you and Julie have wedding bells in your future?
1:03:32 > 1:03:37That's kind of a sore topic. He keeps asking her, but she keeps saying no.
1:03:37 > 1:03:39Ask me again.
1:03:39 > 1:03:42No, it's not the right time.
1:03:42 > 1:03:45If a woman asks you to propose, it is the right time.
1:03:45 > 1:03:47Really, I can't.
1:03:47 > 1:03:49- Why not? - Do it. Do it!
1:03:49 > 1:03:51- I don't have a ring. - Yeah, you do.
1:03:51 > 1:03:54- No, I don't. - Yeah, you do, it's in your pocket.
1:03:54 > 1:03:57- Come on, you know you have it. - Barry...
1:03:57 > 1:04:00- Told ya. - Ah.
1:04:00 > 1:04:02You are a hunter, Mr Conrad.
1:04:02 > 1:04:04There is nothing more honourable than for a man
1:04:04 > 1:04:07to join himself to his lady love.
1:04:07 > 1:04:11Join yourself to her, in the name of love.
1:04:11 > 1:04:13- MIMICS ACCENT:- Join yourself in the name of love.
1:04:15 > 1:04:19You must kneel, Mr Conrad. She is a princess.
1:04:19 > 1:04:21Thank you.
1:04:28 > 1:04:30GLASS RINGS
1:04:30 > 1:04:32Something's happening!
1:04:33 > 1:04:35- Julie... - Call me Darla.
1:04:35 > 1:04:38- Oh, I don't want to call you Darla. - Julie's just a nickname.
1:04:38 > 1:04:42- I want it to be real. - Look into her eyes.
1:04:42 > 1:04:44Look, look.
1:04:45 > 1:04:49There is your home. There is your future.
1:04:51 > 1:04:52I love you, Tim.
1:04:52 > 1:04:55Do it, do it, do it.
1:04:55 > 1:04:57Do it...!
1:04:57 > 1:04:59- Julie. - Darla.
1:04:59 > 1:05:02Darla. Will you marry me?
1:05:02 > 1:05:06- Yes. Yes!- Yay.
1:05:06 > 1:05:08APPLAUSE We did it.
1:05:18 > 1:05:21- Julie. - But I thought this was Julie.
1:05:21 > 1:05:23- Nope. I'm Julie. - They are both Julie.
1:05:23 > 1:05:25Julie and Julie.
1:05:25 > 1:05:27Susana thought you were going to lose your promotion
1:05:27 > 1:05:29if I didn't show up today.
1:05:29 > 1:05:32Look at you. You had a... replacement all lined up.
1:05:32 > 1:05:34- DARLA:- Yeah. - No, no, no.
1:05:34 > 1:05:36- This is a huge misunderstanding. - Let me explain.
1:05:36 > 1:05:40This is Darla. She's a naughty schoolgirl who cheats on her taxes.
1:05:40 > 1:05:42I didn't know whether you were going to come today,
1:05:42 > 1:05:45so I brought Darla to keep things running smoothly.
1:05:45 > 1:05:47Very important potential client.
1:05:47 > 1:05:49That clears that up. Yeah. Thank you.
1:05:49 > 1:05:53Darling, you're embarrassing yourself. It's over.
1:05:53 > 1:05:56She's really quite a catch, Tim. Congratulations.
1:05:56 > 1:05:59- No! Julie... - Nice to have met you.
1:05:59 > 1:06:01- He's very crafty. - Julie! Julie!
1:06:01 > 1:06:04I'm so sorry. I hope we can continue this at a later date,
1:06:04 > 1:06:07- but, actually, I love her. DARLA:- Wait, Tim?
1:06:07 > 1:06:10- Julie! - Tim?
1:06:10 > 1:06:13Julie! Julie, look...
1:06:13 > 1:06:15Wait, wait. I know that looked awkward, but you've got to trust me.
1:06:15 > 1:06:18- Trust you? - Yes. I trust you.
1:06:18 > 1:06:21I know you spent the night at Kieran's ranch. I know nothing happened.
1:06:21 > 1:06:23Right?
1:06:23 > 1:06:25I didn't go to Kieran's ranch last night.
1:06:25 > 1:06:27- I'm going now. - No! Don't go! Don't go!
1:06:27 > 1:06:29Tim, I have to go. It's my job.
1:06:29 > 1:06:32We're going to San Francisco this weekend to set up for the show.
1:06:32 > 1:06:34He wants me to be part of his artistic process.
1:06:34 > 1:06:38His artistic process... That means sex, Julie.
1:06:38 > 1:06:40He told me last night when I broke into his house!
1:06:41 > 1:06:44- You broke into his house? - Hmm?
1:06:46 > 1:06:48My God. I guess there really is a you I don't know.
1:06:50 > 1:06:52It's too bad. I was so in love with the other one.
1:07:00 > 1:07:02- Hop in. - Move.
1:07:02 > 1:07:03OK.
1:07:07 > 1:07:08Ah!
1:07:09 > 1:07:11Tim, Tim.
1:07:13 > 1:07:14Ow!
1:07:20 > 1:07:22Oh, wow.
1:07:28 > 1:07:29Ah!
1:07:29 > 1:07:31Play dead!
1:07:35 > 1:07:37I don't think you're a very nice person, Tim.
1:07:37 > 1:07:41Just stay out of my life. And I'm keeping the ring.
1:07:50 > 1:07:52I think that was really good for her.
1:07:54 > 1:07:56Aah!
1:08:00 > 1:08:01See? It works.
1:08:07 > 1:08:09I can't help but think this is partially my fault.
1:08:09 > 1:08:13Really?! Well, it is your fault! It's 100% your fault!
1:08:16 > 1:08:17I'm sorry.
1:08:20 > 1:08:22HE DIALS NUMBER
1:08:26 > 1:08:30Hello, Therman. You win.
1:08:30 > 1:08:32You can eat my pudding.
1:08:33 > 1:08:3631 Light Hill Drive. OK, Therman.
1:08:38 > 1:08:39CAR RATTLES
1:08:45 > 1:08:47I don't even know who he is any more.
1:08:47 > 1:08:51It's like I'm having a bad dream. I mean, am I crazy?
1:08:51 > 1:08:53Am I completely delusional here?
1:08:53 > 1:08:55I don't even know what's going on any more.
1:08:58 > 1:08:59I'm sorry. I shouldn't be unloading this.
1:08:59 > 1:09:02I want to photograph you, right now.
1:09:03 > 1:09:04Um...
1:09:04 > 1:09:07I don't think it's the best time right now, really.
1:09:09 > 1:09:12It's exactly the best time. I've never seen you like this.
1:09:12 > 1:09:16You're so raw, so wonderfully visible, so beautiful.
1:09:17 > 1:09:19This is weird, Kieran. I don't think we should...
1:09:19 > 1:09:21Not doing this would be weird.
1:09:21 > 1:09:23Keep talking. Tell me about Tim.
1:09:23 > 1:09:26I don't know. I mean, I just...
1:09:28 > 1:09:31I just always thought that there was this decent...
1:09:31 > 1:09:33basic person underneath it all.
1:09:33 > 1:09:36You'd think that you would know someone after two years.
1:09:36 > 1:09:39But no. That's bad.
1:09:42 > 1:09:43He's such a smooth talker.
1:09:43 > 1:09:45So convincing.
1:09:45 > 1:09:47I don't even know if anything he's ever said to me is true.
1:09:47 > 1:09:51- These pictures are going to be amazing.- Kieran, you've lost your mind!
1:09:51 > 1:09:53- This is crazy.- No. Don't fight it, it's art.
1:09:53 > 1:09:55I don't want to take pictures. Can we just stop it?
1:09:55 > 1:09:58What are you doing here?
1:09:58 > 1:10:00Julie, there's something I need to tell you.
1:10:00 > 1:10:03- Kieran has gonorrhoea. - No, I don't.
1:10:03 > 1:10:05- You might. - I don't.
1:10:05 > 1:10:07- Well, she does, she has gonorrhoea. - What?
1:10:07 > 1:10:08- Don't sleep with her. - She doesn't.
1:10:08 > 1:10:10- Are you sure? - Yes.
1:10:10 > 1:10:12Because you can get it from riding the bus.
1:10:12 > 1:10:14- No, you can't. - Yes, you can, Tim.
1:10:14 > 1:10:18- That's how my wife got it. - Barry, no-one here has gonorrhoea.
1:10:19 > 1:10:21I do.
1:10:23 > 1:10:25I have gonorrhoea.
1:10:27 > 1:10:31I got gonorrhoea from my wife, who got it from a bus seat.
1:10:31 > 1:10:33And no-one should sleep with me.
1:10:38 > 1:10:39OK.
1:10:39 > 1:10:42Could I speak with Julie... alone, please?
1:10:47 > 1:10:50Tim, you have to tell her what's in your heart
1:10:50 > 1:10:52- and be honest with her. - Yeah, I...
1:10:52 > 1:10:54That's what I did with Martha and that did not work.
1:10:54 > 1:11:00- But I think this'll work for you. OK.- Thank you. All right.
1:11:08 > 1:11:10Have you ever just spent five months
1:11:10 > 1:11:13living with a herd of goats, as one of them?
1:11:14 > 1:11:16- No? - No.
1:11:16 > 1:11:17That surprises me.
1:11:18 > 1:11:22The thing about a goat is, it never denies itself what it's hungry for.
1:11:22 > 1:11:24A goat will eat anything.
1:11:24 > 1:11:26A goat could probably eat a bike.
1:11:29 > 1:11:32A goal could eat itself, if it was driven to it.
1:11:35 > 1:11:38I'm just a goat...
1:11:38 > 1:11:40who's halfway through eating itself.
1:11:47 > 1:11:50Just to be clear, what exactly are we talking about?
1:11:50 > 1:11:52Everything.
1:11:54 > 1:11:58I had no idea. It happened one night three years ago, before we met.
1:11:58 > 1:11:59I haven't seen her since.
1:11:59 > 1:12:03So she just popped back up into your life, like that?
1:12:03 > 1:12:06She tried to get in touch with me and Barry intercepted the message.
1:12:06 > 1:12:11- So it's all Barry's fault? - Barry is...he's a sweet guy,
1:12:11 > 1:12:14but he is a tornado of destruction.
1:12:14 > 1:12:16The only friends he has are dead mice,
1:12:16 > 1:12:19and that's cos they're the only ones that can't get away from him.
1:12:23 > 1:12:25You know what else mice can't do?
1:12:25 > 1:12:27They can't lie.
1:12:29 > 1:12:31Barry. Barry!
1:12:33 > 1:12:35I'm going to go to San Francisco tonight.
1:12:35 > 1:12:38And, uh...I'll come by to pack, around eight.
1:12:38 > 1:12:41I think it's better if you're not there.
1:13:08 > 1:13:11I never really knew what Martha thought of me
1:13:11 > 1:13:14until I heard her talking behind my back.
1:13:17 > 1:13:20You were lying to me the whole time. You didn't like me.
1:13:22 > 1:13:23"How do I get ahead in business?
1:13:23 > 1:13:27"How do I get ahead? Oh, I know...
1:13:27 > 1:13:30"I'll find a great taxidermist and hit him with my car.
1:13:30 > 1:13:34"And then I'll invite him to dinner. That'll do it."
1:13:35 > 1:13:39Well, somebody forgot to tell you there is no "me" in "mean."
1:13:40 > 1:13:42Well...
1:13:42 > 1:13:45there is a bit of a happy ending.
1:13:45 > 1:13:48cos the mean guy finally got what he deserved.
1:13:54 > 1:13:57World's smallest violin and it's playing just for you.
1:14:00 > 1:14:03- Sorry. - What?
1:14:04 > 1:14:07- I'm sorry. - Oh, OK. Whatever.
1:16:05 > 1:16:07PHONE RINGING
1:16:09 > 1:16:10- Hello? - 'Tim!'
1:16:10 > 1:16:13I heard you had an interesting brunch this morning.
1:16:13 > 1:16:14Sir, I can explain.
1:16:14 > 1:16:18You might want to explain it to Mr Mueller.
1:16:20 > 1:16:22You should have told me Barry was your fool.
1:16:22 > 1:16:25'We have the same game in Switzerland.'
1:16:25 > 1:16:27Dinner Fur Unterschlagen.
1:16:27 > 1:16:29'I am very much looking forward
1:16:29 > 1:16:31'to seeing the two of you this evening, Mr Conrad.'
1:16:34 > 1:16:35Where are you? Dinner's about to start.
1:16:36 > 1:16:38There's been a complication.
1:16:38 > 1:16:41'Tim, for Christ's sake, we're running on fumes.
1:16:41 > 1:16:43'If we don't make this deal tonight, there is no Fender Financial.'
1:16:43 > 1:16:46So, hurry up, We gotta land Mueller tonight.
1:16:54 > 1:16:57My guy's a lock. You know what I'm saying? Mueller's going to love him.
1:16:57 > 1:16:59Now, he might be a little late.
1:16:59 > 1:17:00He's on his way, but... Tim!
1:17:02 > 1:17:04Sir, I've run into a little bit of a problem.
1:17:04 > 1:17:06Never mind that. You know, ever since I invited you to this thing,
1:17:06 > 1:17:09Caldwell's been telling me I made a mistake.
1:17:09 > 1:17:11He says you're not cut out for it.
1:17:11 > 1:17:14Really? Caldwell is full of shit.
1:17:14 > 1:17:19Mueller told me your guy was good. I had no idea he was this good.
1:17:19 > 1:17:21Well, I try to look at the bright side.
1:17:21 > 1:17:23I guess you could say I'm an eternal optometrist.
1:17:23 > 1:17:25When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.
1:17:25 > 1:17:27Unless you don't have any water or sugar.
1:17:27 > 1:17:29And then, then you just eat the lemons.
1:17:29 > 1:17:33The rind will give you diarrhoea. So, mama mia, papa pia,
1:17:33 > 1:17:35baby got the diarr... Hey, Tim!
1:17:35 > 1:17:40Ah, Mr Conrad! You have been missing all the fun.
1:17:40 > 1:17:42Barry...you're here.
1:17:42 > 1:17:44Yes, and I have been telling Sir Lancelot
1:17:44 > 1:17:46that you deserve a promotion.
1:17:46 > 1:17:49And he's been making a pretty persuasive case, Tim.
1:17:49 > 1:17:52Tim, I'd like to introduce my friend, Lewis,
1:17:52 > 1:17:55- and his wife, Diane. - Your wife?
1:17:55 > 1:17:56For now.
1:17:57 > 1:18:00- Honey, please. - "Honey, please."
1:18:00 > 1:18:02You're so pathetic!
1:18:02 > 1:18:06My God, it's raining men. I don't know who's more gorgeous.
1:18:06 > 1:18:08- BARRY LAUGHS - Well, beauty's only skin deep.
1:18:08 > 1:18:11Unless there's something wrong with your bone structure. And then,
1:18:11 > 1:18:14you could have flawless skin and still be very ugly.
1:18:14 > 1:18:18Because your bones are just...gross.
1:18:18 > 1:18:20Lewis, Diane, there's someone I'd like you to meet.
1:18:20 > 1:18:21I think you're drunk.
1:18:21 > 1:18:24- Not drunk enough to do you. - HE CHUCKLES
1:18:24 > 1:18:27Tim, when you said this was a dinner for extraordinary people,
1:18:27 > 1:18:29I had no idea. Look at that.
1:18:29 > 1:18:33Are you hungry? He hasn't eaten a lot today.
1:18:33 > 1:18:34Come on.
1:18:37 > 1:18:38- Yes? - Ugh.
1:18:38 > 1:18:41OK...her. You know what she does?
1:18:41 > 1:18:43She communicates with dead pets.
1:18:43 > 1:18:47Lorenzo's mother... wants to talk to him.
1:18:47 > 1:18:48SHE MIMICS BIRD CALLS
1:18:48 > 1:18:50Right? Nice?
1:18:50 > 1:18:54OK, that guy? Right there? 2002 National Beard Champion.
1:18:54 > 1:18:56I'm telling you, these people are amazing.
1:18:56 > 1:18:59- I am so not in their league. - Barry, what are you...?
1:18:59 > 1:19:03Why are you here? Because that's what friends do.
1:19:03 > 1:19:07I know, I know. You chose some words carelessly.
1:19:07 > 1:19:09I know you are in a dark place, but I also know
1:19:09 > 1:19:13that you need to show your boss that you are friends with a winner.
1:19:13 > 1:19:15In my book, you're a winner, too.
1:19:15 > 1:19:16BELL DINGS
1:19:16 > 1:19:19Ladies and gentlemen! Dinner is served.
1:19:24 > 1:19:25APPLAUSE
1:19:25 > 1:19:28The eyes are but two of the five senses.
1:19:28 > 1:19:33Remove them and the others become incredibly sensitive.
1:19:33 > 1:19:35But some people still ask,
1:19:35 > 1:19:39"How can a blind man compete at the Olympic Games as fencer?"
1:19:39 > 1:19:40I will show you how.
1:19:41 > 1:19:43Oh! NERVOUS MURMURING
1:19:43 > 1:19:47APPLAUSE Absolutely tremendous!
1:19:47 > 1:19:49- All right! - Are you enjoying this?
1:19:49 > 1:19:54Yes. Such a pleasure to laugh at the misfortune of others.
1:19:54 > 1:19:56Are they cute when they're small,
1:19:56 > 1:19:58or are they pretty much horrible the whole time?
1:20:00 > 1:20:03- Are you looking down my dress? - No.
1:20:03 > 1:20:06- Why not? - I don't know.
1:20:06 > 1:20:08- Tim, were you? - No.
1:20:08 > 1:20:11- Please don't embarrass me. - I'm not doing... Oh, God.
1:20:11 > 1:20:14CLAPPING Here you go, sir.
1:20:14 > 1:20:17Here you are, ma'am. Bon appetit.
1:20:20 > 1:20:22SHE GASPS
1:20:24 > 1:20:27I am receiving a message from the other side!
1:20:28 > 1:20:30SHE GASPS
1:20:30 > 1:20:32I'm trapped.
1:20:32 > 1:20:34Where are they taking me?
1:20:34 > 1:20:37She's talking to the lobster.
1:20:37 > 1:20:39The water, it...
1:20:39 > 1:20:41boils!
1:20:41 > 1:20:42SHE SHRIEKS
1:20:51 > 1:20:54SHE SCREAMS
1:20:54 > 1:20:56HE CHUCKLES That might win. That might win.
1:20:57 > 1:21:00- SHE GASPS - Whoo!
1:21:04 > 1:21:07Ah, fuck it. I don't care.
1:21:07 > 1:21:11So, Tim... I understand your guest has an interesting hobby.
1:21:11 > 1:21:15I guess I'm up. Wish me luck.
1:21:20 > 1:21:23This is something that I call the Tower of Dreamers.
1:21:34 > 1:21:37A thousand years ago, the only people on Earth were monkeys.
1:21:37 > 1:21:42And they said, "We'll never walk erectus.
1:21:42 > 1:21:45"We'll never use tools. We'll never talk."
1:21:45 > 1:21:50And then one monkey said, "Oh, yeah? Well, I'm talking right now."
1:21:50 > 1:21:53That monkey...was a dreamer.
1:21:53 > 1:21:56- Mice dressed as monkeys. - Yes...
1:21:56 > 1:21:58- Good. - Oh, my God.
1:22:01 > 1:22:03Fast-forward 500 years.
1:22:06 > 1:22:09The Wright Brothers decide to make themselves a flying machine.
1:22:09 > 1:22:12"You fools! You idiots!
1:22:12 > 1:22:15"What's your problem?" everyone shouted.
1:22:15 > 1:22:19"That will never work, because plywood weighs more than air!"
1:22:19 > 1:22:22To which the Wright Brothers responded,
1:22:22 > 1:22:23"No, it doesn't."
1:22:24 > 1:22:27The Wright Brothers were dreamers.
1:22:29 > 1:22:32The Earl of Sandwich
1:22:32 > 1:22:34and Sir Francis Bacon.
1:22:34 > 1:22:40Had it not been for them, the BLT would merely be lettuce and tomato.
1:22:42 > 1:22:45They were dreamers. And sandwich makers.
1:22:45 > 1:22:48- Ja. - It's not over yet.
1:22:50 > 1:22:52Vincent van Gogh.
1:22:52 > 1:22:56Everyone told him, "You only have one ear.
1:22:56 > 1:22:59"You cannot be a great artist."
1:22:59 > 1:23:03And you know what he said? "I can't hear you."
1:23:03 > 1:23:04Vincent van Gogh was a dreamer.
1:23:04 > 1:23:07CHUCKLING
1:23:07 > 1:23:08- I love to paint. - Oh, really?
1:23:08 > 1:23:10- I love to paint. - Oh, wow. Are you any good?
1:23:10 > 1:23:13- I don't know. - Of course not.
1:23:15 > 1:23:18Louis Pasteur turned cheese into medicine.
1:23:23 > 1:23:24SHE GASPS
1:23:28 > 1:23:30Benjamin Franklin.
1:23:30 > 1:23:34People said, "You can't fly a kite in a rainstorm."
1:23:34 > 1:23:38And Ben Franklin said, "Yes, you can...
1:23:38 > 1:23:40"if you have an electric kite."
1:23:40 > 1:23:42BUZZING
1:23:44 > 1:23:46Little detail with the kite. That's good, ja?
1:23:46 > 1:23:50A man who broke more bones...
1:23:50 > 1:23:52than any man in history...
1:23:55 > 1:23:58- ..Evel Knievel. - ENGINE REVS
1:24:01 > 1:24:04- CHUCKLING - It's fantastic.
1:24:04 > 1:24:06Well played, rookie. Well played.
1:24:06 > 1:24:11And who might this handsome young lad be?
1:24:11 > 1:24:12Tim Conrad.
1:24:13 > 1:24:18He believes that someday he will marry the girl of his dreams,
1:24:18 > 1:24:21even though every time he asks, she says no.
1:24:21 > 1:24:25And even though, as we speak, she is probably having sex
1:24:25 > 1:24:28with a handsome artist.
1:24:28 > 1:24:30Tim Conrad...is a dreamer.
1:24:38 > 1:24:41So dare to dream. Dream your wildest dreams.
1:24:41 > 1:24:44You can climb the highest mountain.
1:24:44 > 1:24:49You can drown in a teacup, if you find a big enough teacup.
1:24:49 > 1:24:52And if somebody tells you that you can't do something,
1:24:52 > 1:24:55you say, "Yes, I can.
1:24:55 > 1:24:59"Cos I'm doing it right now!"
1:25:03 > 1:25:05Bravo!
1:25:05 > 1:25:07Bravo, sir!
1:25:11 > 1:25:13You must come to Switzerland. You'll be the toast of Zurich!
1:25:13 > 1:25:17I can't understand your accent!
1:25:17 > 1:25:19LAUGHTER
1:25:19 > 1:25:23Caldwell. This guy's taking it.
1:25:23 > 1:25:26The night is young. BELL RINGS
1:25:26 > 1:25:30Gentlemen, ladies, I'd like to introduce you to Mr Therman Murch,
1:25:30 > 1:25:34IRS auditor and master of mind control.
1:25:34 > 1:25:35Therman?
1:25:40 > 1:25:42Sorry for my tardiness.
1:25:42 > 1:25:45Mr Murch came by the office last night.
1:25:45 > 1:25:46Shame to hear about that audit, Tim.
1:25:46 > 1:25:49Anything I can do to help, I'm here for you.
1:25:50 > 1:25:52Barry, what are you doing here?
1:25:52 > 1:25:53Mm, well...
1:25:53 > 1:25:57You two know each other? Yes. We work together.
1:25:58 > 1:26:00I'm going to have to get the address of that office.
1:26:00 > 1:26:03Therman was telling me about
1:26:03 > 1:26:05some of his techniques for mind control, and I gotta say,
1:26:05 > 1:26:07I was pretty blown away.
1:26:07 > 1:26:08- Wow. - Ah.
1:26:08 > 1:26:13Yes. The brain has pressure points, just like any other muscle.
1:26:13 > 1:26:15Apply those pressure points,
1:26:15 > 1:26:19and the brain will obey your every command.
1:26:19 > 1:26:22Allow me to demonstrate.
1:26:22 > 1:26:23Barry.
1:26:26 > 1:26:29- Barry. - BARRY SNORTS
1:26:29 > 1:26:32Look into my eyes, Barry.
1:26:32 > 1:26:35Barry!
1:26:35 > 1:26:37Where is your wife, Barry?
1:26:39 > 1:26:41Tell us. Where is she?
1:26:41 > 1:26:44Come on, Barry, tell us.
1:26:44 > 1:26:49- Your house? - Ye-e-e-es.
1:26:55 > 1:27:00Let me just get this straight, Barry. Your wife left you for... him?
1:27:02 > 1:27:05She has extraordinary taste in men.
1:27:05 > 1:27:07HE MOUTHS
1:27:08 > 1:27:13And tell us, Barry... why did your wife leave you?
1:27:17 > 1:27:18BARRY WHIMPERS
1:27:18 > 1:27:22- Spit it out of your mouth. - No.
1:27:22 > 1:27:23- Say it! - No.
1:27:23 > 1:27:25Say it, boy!
1:27:28 > 1:27:32- I lost her clitoris. - STIFLED LAUGHTER
1:27:32 > 1:27:37- That's right. - You "lost" her clitoris?
1:27:37 > 1:27:39She got mad because I couldn't find it.
1:27:39 > 1:27:41Well, you know.
1:27:41 > 1:27:42I said, "It's probably in your purse,"
1:27:42 > 1:27:45because nine times out of ten when she loses something,
1:27:45 > 1:27:46that's where they end up.
1:27:46 > 1:27:49Barry, do you even know what that is?
1:27:49 > 1:27:51I don't know what half the stuff in her purse is.
1:27:51 > 1:27:54Well, don't worry, Barry. I found it.
1:27:54 > 1:27:57It was in her purse.
1:27:57 > 1:27:59It was in her naughty purse.
1:27:59 > 1:28:03Wow... I mean, thank God somebody found it, right?
1:28:04 > 1:28:08I thought I found it under the couch,
1:28:08 > 1:28:11Turns out it was just an old piece of chewing gum.
1:28:16 > 1:28:18BARRY MOANS
1:28:24 > 1:28:25HE GASPS
1:28:27 > 1:28:28I release you!
1:28:28 > 1:28:29BARRY GROANS
1:28:31 > 1:28:34Ladies and gentlemen, mind control.
1:28:34 > 1:28:36APPLAUSE Bravo.
1:28:36 > 1:28:39Bravo! Bravo!
1:28:41 > 1:28:43Touche, Caldwell.
1:28:43 > 1:28:44That was sweet.
1:28:48 > 1:28:52Barry, you're better than him. Martha may not see it, but I do.
1:28:52 > 1:28:56Thanks. Thank you, Tim. You're a good friend.
1:28:56 > 1:28:58- No, I'm not. - Yeah, you are.
1:28:58 > 1:29:03I'm not. Barry, this... Aw, man, this...
1:29:03 > 1:29:05This dinner isn't what you think it is.
1:29:07 > 1:29:09What?
1:29:09 > 1:29:11We invited all of you here to make fun of you.
1:29:13 > 1:29:16So you invite a bunch of incredibly talented people to dinner
1:29:16 > 1:29:18and make fun of them?
1:29:18 > 1:29:21No. It's a dinner for idiots.
1:29:23 > 1:29:26Well, you'd better go find some idiots.
1:29:26 > 1:29:27We do.
1:29:28 > 1:29:33I'm sorry. Really, I'm so sorry.
1:29:35 > 1:29:39If it's any consolation, Therman will probably win first prize.
1:29:43 > 1:29:44He'll have that, too.
1:29:44 > 1:29:48And he'll be able to lord it over me for the rest of my life.
1:29:48 > 1:29:51Barry, first prize is the biggest idiot.
1:29:51 > 1:29:56I know. That guy beats me at everything. He just...
1:29:56 > 1:30:00I don't know, what's the use? He has mind control, I don't.
1:30:03 > 1:30:04Barry, look at me.
1:30:07 > 1:30:10Therman has mind control, but you...
1:30:10 > 1:30:14- you have brain control. - Brain control?
1:30:14 > 1:30:16- Mm-hm. - What...?
1:30:16 > 1:30:18- You didn't know you had brain control?- No.
1:30:18 > 1:30:20I knew it the second I met you.
1:30:20 > 1:30:22You crawled in my brain and you stayed there.
1:30:22 > 1:30:24- I did? - You did.
1:30:24 > 1:30:26And I can't get rid of you, no matter how hard I try.
1:30:26 > 1:30:30You burrowed your way into my brain, through my ear, like an earwig!
1:30:30 > 1:30:33- I didn't mean to. - It's like you set up camp
1:30:33 > 1:30:36- and I can't get you out of my head! - I'm an earwig?
1:30:36 > 1:30:39It's like teeth and spikes and...
1:30:39 > 1:30:44you're spilling out millions of earwig eggs all in my brain!
1:30:44 > 1:30:47- I can't do anything about it! - Oh, my God!
1:30:47 > 1:30:49Brain control beats mind control any day of the week!
1:30:49 > 1:30:51Because the brain tells the mind what to do!
1:30:51 > 1:30:56You can beat this guy. You can beat this guy, Barry.
1:30:56 > 1:30:59Barry, you can beat Therman.
1:30:59 > 1:31:01"You may say I'm a dreamer...
1:31:03 > 1:31:06"But I'm not the only one."
1:31:13 > 1:31:15I'm going to go lay eggs in his brain.
1:31:17 > 1:31:18DOOR OPENS
1:31:19 > 1:31:24- Back for more, Barry? - Yes! I am, Therman.
1:31:24 > 1:31:27Only this time, I brought my secret weapon...my brain.
1:31:30 > 1:31:34- What are you talking about? - He's talking about brain control.
1:31:34 > 1:31:38- HE CHUCKLES - Brain control?
1:31:38 > 1:31:41There ain't no such thing as brain control.
1:31:41 > 1:31:44There is mind control. Brain control is ridiculous.
1:31:44 > 1:31:46That's ridiculous.
1:31:47 > 1:31:48Yes, it's ridiculous.
1:31:48 > 1:31:51- That's ridiculous. - Barry.
1:31:51 > 1:31:53Barry.
1:31:53 > 1:31:55- Barry. - (Barry.)
1:31:55 > 1:31:57- HIGH-PITCHED:- Barry. - MIMICS:- Barry.
1:31:57 > 1:31:59- LOW-PITCHED:- Barry. - MIMICS:- Barry.
1:31:59 > 1:32:02- What are you doing? - Oh, my God.
1:32:02 > 1:32:05- It works. - How are you doing that?
1:32:05 > 1:32:08I am making you say everything that I say.
1:32:08 > 1:32:09Yeah, but I'm saying it first.
1:32:09 > 1:32:11- Are you? - Yes!
1:32:11 > 1:32:12Really?
1:32:14 > 1:32:16I am very, very powerful.
1:32:17 > 1:32:21- Oh, my gosh. - Wah-wah-wah!
1:32:25 > 1:32:28THEY MIMIC WEAPONS
1:32:28 > 1:32:30Oh!
1:32:30 > 1:32:32MOCK FIGHT CONTINUES
1:32:37 > 1:32:38- Oh, thank you, - You're welcome.
1:32:41 > 1:32:42Oh, no!
1:32:45 > 1:32:46Oooh!
1:32:49 > 1:32:51MOCK FIGHT CONTINUES
1:32:53 > 1:32:57ALL LAUGHING Best dinner ever.
1:32:57 > 1:33:00You have no secrets from me.
1:33:00 > 1:33:03Au contrary. You have no secrets from me, Therman.
1:33:03 > 1:33:07I know that after sex, you like to curl up in the faecal position.
1:33:09 > 1:33:12You cry like a little baby.
1:33:12 > 1:33:14- Martha told you. - No, she did not.
1:33:14 > 1:33:19I know that you take a Magic Marker and you draw a face on your penis.
1:33:19 > 1:33:22Is that against the law? I don't think so.
1:33:22 > 1:33:25And you put a little hat on it and you call it Sammy.
1:33:25 > 1:33:28Nobody is supposed to know that.
1:33:28 > 1:33:30- And you sing to it. - You keep your mouth shut!
1:33:30 > 1:33:34HE MIMICS CHOIR SINGING
1:33:36 > 1:33:39That's... That's not 100% true.
1:33:39 > 1:33:44I know everything! I have laid eggs inside of your brain.
1:33:44 > 1:33:46Get them out of my head!
1:33:46 > 1:33:49You are no longer in control of me! I control you!
1:33:49 > 1:33:52And you are under my power.
1:33:52 > 1:33:54(I know everything, Therman.)
1:33:55 > 1:33:57- And I release you. - HE GASPS
1:33:57 > 1:34:00LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
1:34:02 > 1:34:05Barry! Barry!
1:34:05 > 1:34:07Yeah!
1:34:07 > 1:34:10I hope that you have all kept your receipts,
1:34:10 > 1:34:12because you will all be audited.
1:34:12 > 1:34:14SNORTING, LAUGHTER CONTINUES
1:34:15 > 1:34:19He slept with Martha at my house!
1:34:19 > 1:34:22I was under the bed the whole time. What an idiot!
1:34:24 > 1:34:27Right? I know!
1:34:27 > 1:34:30We have a little tradition here at this dinner.
1:34:30 > 1:34:34We give an award to the evening's most extraordinary person.
1:34:34 > 1:34:37And tonight's winner is the most extraordinary person
1:34:37 > 1:34:40I have ever met. Our winner -
1:34:40 > 1:34:41Barry!
1:34:41 > 1:34:44APPLAUSE Yeah!
1:34:45 > 1:34:48Wow. Wow!
1:34:49 > 1:34:51- We did it! - Congratulations.
1:34:51 > 1:34:53Thank you.
1:34:53 > 1:34:55I look forward to working with you, Mr Conrad.
1:34:55 > 1:34:59Tim, Tim, you did it. Your guy is amazing.
1:34:59 > 1:35:02Mueller loves him.
1:35:02 > 1:35:03He is amazing.
1:35:03 > 1:35:05- I thought you did such a great job. - You're the winner?
1:35:05 > 1:35:07- I am, yeah! - Whatever.
1:35:08 > 1:35:11And he deserves a hell of a lot better than this.
1:35:11 > 1:35:15- They all do. - What do you mean, exactly?
1:35:15 > 1:35:19Any one of you would throw me under the bus for a bigger bonus.
1:35:19 > 1:35:23And Barry would throw himself in front of a car to save a mouse...
1:35:23 > 1:35:25even though it was already dead.
1:35:26 > 1:35:29I have been trying to play on your team.
1:35:29 > 1:35:32Barry doesn't deserve that trophy. I do.
1:35:32 > 1:35:35Hold on a second. Tim, I won this trophy, fair and square.
1:35:35 > 1:35:37Barry, you don't want that trophy.
1:35:37 > 1:35:39- I've never won a trophy before. - Yeah, I know, but...
1:35:39 > 1:35:41- You know what? Keep the trophy. - OK.
1:35:41 > 1:35:42I'm sorry. What's going on here?
1:35:42 > 1:35:46Well, these people invited us here to make fun of us.
1:35:46 > 1:35:49This is a contest for the biggest idiot.
1:35:49 > 1:35:50Which I nailed!
1:35:52 > 1:35:54Wait, wait, wait... You told him?
1:35:54 > 1:35:56I did.
1:35:56 > 1:35:58It seems this contest was fixed.
1:35:58 > 1:36:01I thought you conducted yourselves honourably.
1:36:01 > 1:36:03No, we do. We do.
1:36:03 > 1:36:07We do. Tim had a very bright future here,
1:36:07 > 1:36:10but for some reason, he's chosen to throw his lot in with the losers.
1:36:10 > 1:36:15Scusi. I think I must not have heard correctly. Did he call us losers?
1:36:15 > 1:36:16He did.
1:36:16 > 1:36:20You insult my honour at great risk. I will be leaving.
1:36:20 > 1:36:23Count yourself lucky I have spared your life.
1:36:23 > 1:36:24Yeah!
1:36:29 > 1:36:31- Marco! - Oh, God.
1:36:31 > 1:36:33So it is a fight you want, is it?
1:36:33 > 1:36:34Well, you shall have your fight.
1:36:34 > 1:36:37But on my terms.
1:36:41 > 1:36:46In a world of complete darkness, the sighted are blind...
1:36:46 > 1:36:48but the blind can see.
1:36:51 > 1:36:53Oh, God.
1:36:53 > 1:36:56Welcome...to my world.
1:36:57 > 1:37:00I am invisible. Where am I?
1:37:00 > 1:37:03- He's good. - I am a shadow...
1:37:03 > 1:37:05with a big knife! ALL GASP
1:37:05 > 1:37:07Simmer down!
1:37:07 > 1:37:10I can smell your fear!
1:37:10 > 1:37:12I think he's going to kill someone.
1:37:14 > 1:37:16Hey, no! Not the boys!
1:37:16 > 1:37:18This has become a fiasco!
1:37:18 > 1:37:20Wait a second, the Swedish guy who thinks he's a German!
1:37:20 > 1:37:23He's an idiot, too! Mueller! Whoo!
1:37:23 > 1:37:25This is what you've been up to all along!
1:37:25 > 1:37:27- No! No! - You brought me here
1:37:27 > 1:37:28- to make fun with me! - No...
1:37:28 > 1:37:30I can assure you. I am no Unterschlagen!
1:37:30 > 1:37:34YELLING, SQUAWKING
1:37:34 > 1:37:37SQUAWKING No, no! Lorenzo, no!
1:37:37 > 1:37:40- Somebody, grab that bird! - I got it...
1:37:42 > 1:37:43No, no, no!
1:37:43 > 1:37:46It is my wife's favourite finger! Please get it back now!
1:37:46 > 1:37:49- Williams, get the bird! - Somebody kill the bird!
1:37:49 > 1:37:51- They're going to kill my bird! - It's not his time!
1:37:51 > 1:37:53- It's over there! - Don't hurt him!
1:37:53 > 1:37:55- Get the bird! - Parry right, thrust left!
1:37:55 > 1:37:57You want the bird? You have to kill me first!
1:37:57 > 1:38:00Fight like a blind man! Kick him in the business centre!
1:38:00 > 1:38:01Ready?
1:38:04 > 1:38:05- Oh! - There's a fire!
1:38:05 > 1:38:09- Oh, come on! - Grab the vulture!
1:38:09 > 1:38:12Somebody, just let the bird out! Please! Just let him out!
1:38:12 > 1:38:13Wait, I have an idea.
1:38:13 > 1:38:15Let Lorenzo out!
1:38:15 > 1:38:18You, stop! Don't move or I'm going to kill you.
1:38:19 > 1:38:20Allow me.
1:38:25 > 1:38:27LORENZO SQUAWKS
1:38:29 > 1:38:32- Nice! - LAUGHTER
1:38:34 > 1:38:35Want to?
1:38:36 > 1:38:39Great dinner! Let's go get Julie!
1:38:39 > 1:38:41SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE Mein Finger!
1:38:44 > 1:38:47MAN WAILING Don't you die on me!
1:38:50 > 1:38:52DOOR OPENING Julie!
1:38:52 > 1:38:55- Julie? - Julie?
1:38:55 > 1:38:57Julie?
1:38:57 > 1:38:58Tim.
1:39:07 > 1:39:10There's a way to read that that's actually positive.
1:39:10 > 1:39:13How? How is that positive, Barry?
1:39:14 > 1:39:16"Tim, have a ni..."
1:39:16 > 1:39:18"Hey, Tim, ha..."
1:39:18 > 1:39:20- CLEARS THROAT - "Have a nice life."
1:39:21 > 1:39:27- This is my fault, isn't it? - It's not. It's my fault.
1:39:27 > 1:39:31I'm the reason this happened, not you.
1:39:31 > 1:39:34I messed up. You want to hear something pathetic?
1:39:36 > 1:39:37God, yeah.
1:39:37 > 1:39:39You know why I wanted that promotion?
1:39:39 > 1:39:43So that Julie would think that I was good enough for her.
1:39:43 > 1:39:47I'm so stupid. I couldn't believe that someone so amazing
1:39:47 > 1:39:49would want anything to do with me. I tried to impress her...
1:39:49 > 1:39:52with stuff she doesn't care about, I don't care about.
1:39:53 > 1:39:56You know what I care about? Her.
1:39:57 > 1:39:59And what else?
1:39:59 > 1:40:02Waking up next to her every day, seeing her every day.
1:40:02 > 1:40:04And more things?
1:40:04 > 1:40:08She's the greatest thing in my life and I blew it. God, I'm an idiot.
1:40:12 > 1:40:13What are you doing?
1:40:21 > 1:40:23Did you know I was listening?
1:40:23 > 1:40:26- No. - I did. I did.
1:40:29 > 1:40:32I... I thought you'd gone.
1:40:32 > 1:40:35I left my phone.
1:40:36 > 1:40:39Julie... I'm...
1:40:39 > 1:40:41- KNOCKING AT DOOR - Julie?
1:40:42 > 1:40:44We should hurry if we're going to catch that plane.
1:40:46 > 1:40:50- Kieran... - Julie, I will handle this.
1:40:52 > 1:40:56Kieran... since the dawn of ancient times,
1:40:56 > 1:40:59men and women have striven to find the perfect mate.
1:40:59 > 1:41:02And once in a while, a couple will meet
1:41:02 > 1:41:05and spark a passion that is so powerful,
1:41:05 > 1:41:09a thousand armies could not pull them apart.
1:41:09 > 1:41:12That is what you have with Julie.
1:41:12 > 1:41:13But Tim got there first.
1:41:13 > 1:41:16And if Julie leaves, it will kill him.
1:41:17 > 1:41:20People can die of broken hearts.
1:41:20 > 1:41:23I know. It almost happened to me.
1:41:23 > 1:41:29And because of that... you may see Julie no more.
1:41:29 > 1:41:32You may talk to Julie no more.
1:41:32 > 1:41:37You may look upon Julie's face... no more.
1:41:37 > 1:41:40OK, but we work together, so...
1:41:40 > 1:41:42What part of "no more" do you not understand?
1:41:42 > 1:41:44We had a talk, Kieran and I,
1:41:44 > 1:41:46and he understands it's purely professional.
1:41:46 > 1:41:51- There is professional no more. - He's right, Julie.
1:41:52 > 1:41:57If we start this fire... we'll burn this world to ashes.
1:41:57 > 1:41:59What are you talking about?
1:41:59 > 1:42:01"If you start this fire..."
1:42:03 > 1:42:06- Burn it to ashes. - "...burn this world to ashes."
1:42:07 > 1:42:11- There goes my museum show. - Welcome to my world.
1:42:11 > 1:42:15- Yeah. - Julie...
1:42:15 > 1:42:17I love you. I don't care if we get married.
1:42:17 > 1:42:18I'll stop asking.
1:42:20 > 1:42:22Don't stop asking.
1:42:36 > 1:42:38You are a wise man, my friend.
1:42:38 > 1:42:40As are you.
1:42:49 > 1:42:52Au revoir, Julie. Au revoir, Tim.
1:42:52 > 1:42:54Au revoir, Kieran.
1:42:56 > 1:42:59Be kind to your birds and your goats.
1:42:59 > 1:43:02MUSIC: "The Fool On The Hill" by The Beatles
1:43:12 > 1:43:15We're going to be so happy together!
1:43:22 > 1:43:26I guess things really do happen for a reason.
1:43:26 > 1:43:28Tim lost his job, but the two of us remain best friends.
1:43:28 > 1:43:33- And once a month, I invite him to a gathering- I- host.
1:43:33 > 1:43:36It's called The Breakfast of Champions.
1:43:37 > 1:43:40Kieran and I became friends.
1:43:40 > 1:43:44He asked me to collaborate with him and we showed our work all over the world,
1:43:44 > 1:43:46including South Africa.
1:43:46 > 1:43:48And guess who came to see us?
1:43:48 > 1:43:50Morgan Freeman.
1:43:53 > 1:43:56Tim went on to help Martin Mueller convert his munitions factory
1:43:56 > 1:43:59into the Martin Mueller Museum of Modern Art...
1:43:59 > 1:44:01or "mmm-ah".
1:44:03 > 1:44:06Kieran and I collaborated on a sculpture for the opening.
1:44:11 > 1:44:15I met up with Darla again. Boy, does she like role-playing.
1:44:15 > 1:44:19She had me play detective and she left all of these clues.
1:44:19 > 1:44:22And you know what? I found it.
1:44:25 > 1:44:27Therman wrote a new book,
1:44:27 > 1:44:30and it is very popular in some circles.
1:44:31 > 1:44:33I guess it's true what they say -
1:44:33 > 1:44:35"A mind is a terrible thing."
1:44:40 > 1:44:44Oh, yeah, as for Tim and Julie... Well, Julie finally said yes.
1:44:44 > 1:44:46They went to Paris for the honeymoon.
1:44:46 > 1:44:50I waited around to surprise them, but it never felt like the right time.
1:44:52 > 1:44:54Anyway, I can tell you this.
1:44:54 > 1:44:57They both got curated...
1:44:57 > 1:44:58several times.
1:44:58 > 1:45:00MUSIC: "Dear Laughing Doubters" by Sondre Lerche
1:45:55 > 1:45:59Oh, yeah... Fender's company went out of business.
1:45:59 > 1:46:03Forbes Magazine named him Wall Street's biggest loser!
1:46:03 > 1:46:06Way to go, Fender(!)
1:46:06 > 1:46:07HE LAUGHS