0:00:02 > 0:00:10This film contains strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
0:00:54 > 0:00:57So... I'm pretty good at archery.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02Oh. That'll be useful if you ever have a time machine
0:01:02 > 0:01:04and your time machine breaks,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06and you're stuck in the medieval ages.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09You're funny. It's weird.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Yeah. I'm weird.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Me too.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Yeah, right. Everyone loves you and your dad's like famous, or something.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23My parents are getting a divorce, that's why I had to go to camp, so...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- Are you crying?- No.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Jesus.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Look... I'm not really an affectionate person.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51People aren't meant to be together forever.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54You think so?
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Yeah.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Can I finger you?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03No.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04OK.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- Come on, baby, I got ya! - Don't drop me!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Hey! Hey!
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Patrice!
0:02:47 > 0:02:52Oh, my God! I told you that this was a pyjama party.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55What are you wearing? What is this?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58You're wearing actual long johns? What?!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00This is a frat party.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03You just have to be drunk and look hot.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Watch and learn.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Hey. HEY!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I'm so drunk!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19ALL: Drink! Drink! Drink!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Hey, do you know that girl?
0:03:24 > 0:03:25The sexy pioneer?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I think I know her.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I'd have sex with a pioneer. For sure.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39A hungry pioneer lost on the trail.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- Do I know you?- Hi, Adam Franklin of Camp Weehawken.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47I'm Emma Kurtzman. You tried to finger me?
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Yeah. Wow! Do you go here? Why?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- What are you doing at a party of frat?- No. I go to MIT,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58but I have this family thing, and I grew up in Ann Arbor.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02MIT? Wow. So you grew up to be a lot smarter than me.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Yeah, sometimes my neck gets sore.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Why?- Cos my brain's so big.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15I agree, it didn't work. Drop it.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I like you.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21What? Why? You don't even know me.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24I like you.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30I have to go to this stupid thing tomorrow. You want to come with me?
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Yeah, sure. I'll come with you.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- What is it?- Some stupid thing.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43I wanted to leave you with something David said to me
0:04:43 > 0:04:45almost every day at the lab.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47It's Einstein.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50"There are only two ways to live your life.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53"One, as if nothing is a miracle.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56"The other, as if everything is a miracle."
0:04:56 > 0:05:01For David, there was no bigger miracle than his family.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04His daughters, Emma and Katie, and his wife, Sandra.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Mum?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I want you to meet Adam.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19I'm so sorry.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22And this is my sister, Katie, and her lover, Kevin.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Boyfriend. And my best friend.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Oh, well...thank you. I didn't know you were dating someone, Emma.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Oh, I'm not.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I just had a one-night stand with him when I was 14.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38It was a really nice funeral.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I'm sorry.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I'm glad you stayed.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Me too.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22So, I'll call you, or something...
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Adam, you're wonderful.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27If you're lucky, you're never going to see me again.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55Yes.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Hey.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Did we? Yes, we did. We went to college together.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08You have two gay dads.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Yeah, I'm the man with the two gay dads.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12They helped me move my boxes sophomore year.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15They're the best. I love them. I'm super straight, though.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- So, yeah.- OK.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19- You're Patrice, right?- Yes.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Yeah, Eli. I'm with... Adam!
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I'll be right back.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Pick up some of that kettle corn.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29- It's Patrice.- Hey!
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- Patrice! Hey!- How are you?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Weird.- Wow.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I haven't seen you in...wow.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- How are you?- Good.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Adam.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Emma.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45What is this, the Peach Pit?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47And, yeah, that was a 90210 reference.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Yeah, you're super straight.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- What are you doing here? - I just moved here a week ago.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55I'm doing my residency at the Westwood Teaching Hospital.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- Hi.- Vanessa, this is Emma.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- Emma, Vanessa. - Hi. How do you do?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04This is our friend, Patrice.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Hi. How do you do?- How do I what?
0:08:07 > 0:08:08- Hi.- Hi.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Hi, you look nice.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12It's nice to meet you.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16You remember my sister, Katie. She's just finishing school here.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Yeah. I haven't seen you guys since...
0:08:19 > 0:08:21BOTH: Yeah, Dad's funeral.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Sad.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27OK. Well, we should head out, so...
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Yeah, we should, too. You know...
0:08:29 > 0:08:32But we should hang out. Let me just... I'll get your number.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Yeah, just give me your phone. I'll put it in there.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Yeah, that's probably easier.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44We really have to be somewhere now, so...
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Yeah. We should...
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Totally. Totally.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50All right, well, good to hang out.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Good seeing you guys. Have fun.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- Take care.- Take care, ladies.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47And cut!
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Great. That's good.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- OK! Yeah!- Great. Great.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54OK, guys, we're going to do this again. All right? Five minutes.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- All right, let's...- Good job.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- Great job. Great job... - Wait. What are, people?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- Hey, Benji! Good scene.- Cool. Thanks.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05You looked great!
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Sari. I told you to play hard to get.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I'm incredibly easy to get!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Adam.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16You were going to ask me something before the break.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17- What was it?- Yeah, I...
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Wait, wait, wait. Fuck, fuckety-fuck. What was it? Stop.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22You wanted to know if you could get off early to see your dad,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- which is, yeah, totally fine. - Thank you.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28By the way, tell your dad, it's like my favourite show ever.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Love it, own it, lost it, bought it again. It's so great.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32"Great Scott!"
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- You probably hear that all the time. - Not that much.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Yeah.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Chuck!
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Chuck! If I catch you taking pictures of your dick one more time,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44I'm going to take that thing away.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58'Hello. How can I help you?'
0:10:58 > 0:11:02- Hey, Philippe, it's Adam. - 'Hi. Come in.'
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Hey, Dad.- Hey.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Check it out.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Vinyasa yoga and the Army Ranger workout.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- I combined them! - Wow. That's very impressive.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I'm going to do a video, I think. Vinyasa Power.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34I can almost see where your muscles go.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Very funny. Hit me.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40No, I'm not going to hit you. I don't want to hurt you.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42You're not going to hurt me.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Come on, hit me. Give me your best shot.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Come on, quick, before I get a hernia!
0:11:46 > 0:11:47No.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54You're right. Let's smoke some weed.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56This is really good stuff.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58My agent got me one of those medical marijuana cards.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01It's nice to see they're supporting your career.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- Yeah.- So, how's the show going?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05I mean, great.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I mean, it's about high-schoolers who sing and dance and blog.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11At least you're writing, that's what's important.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14No. I'm an assistant.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Well, but...at least they've seen your writing.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Not yet.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Actually...
0:12:24 > 0:12:27I wanted to get your opinion on this episode that I wrote.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Kind of a sample.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34That's my boy.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I'll take a look at it, sure. And then I'll call somebody.
0:12:36 > 0:12:41No. Do not call anyone. Just read it and tell me what you think.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43OK.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46So...
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Are you having sex?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Yes. I'm having sex.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Cos if you want any pointers, you know,
0:12:54 > 0:12:56I can help you out. If there's one thing you learn
0:12:56 > 0:12:59after two failed marriages, it's how to eat kitty.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- Anyone special?- No.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05None since Vanessa.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08It's been a year. It's time to move on.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10It's been eight months, Dad.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13What did you want to talk to me about, anyway?
0:13:14 > 0:13:18- You got a dog? Seriously, that's... - Freckles! Come!
0:13:22 > 0:13:24You didn't tell him yet?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Damn!
0:13:28 > 0:13:29I...
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Adam, I wanted to tell you. I was just about to tell you.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35How long?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- Well...- How long?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Not long. I...
0:13:41 > 0:13:43She needed a place to stay because,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45you know, her landlord is such a D-bag.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Christmas. I ran into her at a party.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50We got to talking. About you, mostly.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57It looked so soft!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59It's not. God!
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Oh, that really hurt. Damn.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06You're fucking my ex-girlfriend?
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Well, yeah, but...
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- She's just so hot. - I know how hot she is.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- That's really sweet. Thanks, guys. - Fuck you!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Adam. All right, I'm not the perfect dad.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27But the worst thing you can do in life is to say no to love.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30And I think she really loves me.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Don't.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Adam.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Hey, you know the best part about my gay dads?
0:14:37 > 0:14:38What?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40They're never going to eat out my ex-girlfriends.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42That's true.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Hey, I heard. You and your dad are tunnel buddies, huh?
0:14:45 > 0:14:49- Wow, Wallace! - She chose your dad over you, man.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53That's like trading an iPod for a eight track.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56You need to get even. Go have sex with one of his ex-girlfriends.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Hey, you think when he's busting a nut,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02he's like, "Great Scott"? No?
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Wait. Can we talk about something else? Like, literally, anything else?
0:15:06 > 0:15:08- Yeah.- Of course. Yeah.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11"Great Scott."
0:15:12 > 0:15:16- That's it. I'm going for it. - Going for what?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I'm going to call every girl in my phone
0:15:18 > 0:15:19until someone agrees to have sex with me.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22That's strong. Toast to that.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24That is a terrible, self-destructive plan,
0:15:24 > 0:15:26and we're behind you a hundred percent.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Well, hello to you!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Yeah, I can come to Ohio.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Ohio? No, you can't.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43I'll take a cab.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45No, it's fine. I'll come to you.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46What hospital?
0:15:47 > 0:15:51I just really need to be with someone right now.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Hey, I was wondering...
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Do you have someplace I could put my boner?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59No, it's just...we could just snuggle or something.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02What? Well, how old are you?
0:16:03 > 0:16:04- Oh...- OK.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I got it! I got it.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I got it. I got it.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I got it!
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Oh. You don't remember my name, do you?
0:16:49 > 0:16:50It's OK.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54It's Shira, and you look like you could use some coffee.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Yes. Coffee's good.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I got...
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Where are my pants?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I don't know. They could be anywhere. Here's your coffee.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14Thank you.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Did you have a good time last night?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28It was all right. Nothing special.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Listen, I want you to know that...
0:17:38 > 0:17:39..I respect you.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Thank you.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Normally, I would remember the name of someone that I've...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47What? Oh, my God.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Did you think we had sex? Oh, my God, we did not have sex.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Hey, Adam. You left your socks in my room.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57- Did I?- You did.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Did I, by chance, leave my pants in your room?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04No. When we met, you weren't wearing pants.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Stop teasing him, you guys.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Patrice. Hey, I know you.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- Yeah.- OK.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14What happened last night?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- Did we do it?- We had sex.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Yeah. I really liked it.
0:18:21 > 0:18:27I didn't know that my body could handle that much pain.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30And that I would like it.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32You're up.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Emma.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36- You live here?- Yep.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38You feeling any better?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Did I have sex with anyone in this apartment last night?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44No, you didn't.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47No. Sorry. You didn't.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Thank you. Yeah, that's...that's funny.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Let's make fun of the hung-over naked guy.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57But I do have your pants, so if you want them, come with me.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Yes. Thank you.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05You don't have to feel embarrassed, because we're all doctors,
0:19:05 > 0:19:09so we see literally hundreds of penises a week.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10I see thousands.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I just pulled a penis out of a Vitaminwater yesterday.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- So, we are cool with penises here.- OK.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16We're professionals.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Well...
0:19:19 > 0:19:20It has been a pleasure.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Bravo.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Bravo, bravo.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Yep, I'm definitely gay.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35So, how did I get here?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37You texted me that it was an emergency,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40and then I texted you my address, and then you came over.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44And I think you thought you were at home,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46because you started taking off all your clothes.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Oh, God.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Here are your pants.- Thank you.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59So...
0:19:59 > 0:20:03- Did I just pass out on your couch?- No.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06No, then you did this thing. It was...
0:20:06 > 0:20:09like a dance?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Dance? Yeah, like...
0:20:15 > 0:20:17- I shook my dick at you?- Yeah.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21No, no, it was... it was exciting.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24It was like you were CHEERING while you were doing it.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27You were like, "Look at my dick!"
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Did you look at it?- Yeah, I looked.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35It was nice. You have a really nice penis.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- Nice? - It seems kind of like carefree.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45Jesus. I don't know where to start. My dad's...
0:20:45 > 0:20:48My dad's dating my ex-girlfriend.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50You told me about it last night.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Did I tell you, like, in a charming way?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Was I like charming and funny when I told you?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Yeah. You were...
0:20:56 > 0:20:58naked and crying.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Yeah.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04I'm a mess.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Hey.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13It's going to be OK.
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Thanks.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Seriously.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Thank you.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31I should probably get ready now. I don't want to be late.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Yeah, it's... You don't want to be late.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37No, that would be bad.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Condom?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05- Condom.- Get a condom. - I know. Condoms.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07OK. Condoms.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13Got it.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- Got it.- Hurry.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21You need help?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- I got it.- OK.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Here we go.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Oh, you got your...
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- Yep.- Let me just...
0:22:47 > 0:22:49- Hey.- Yeah.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- We're having sex.- I know.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58KNOCK ON DOOR
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Emma, we have to be in the hospital in ten minutes.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03OK.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10You have 45 seconds to pull your shit together, OK?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12- I'm way ahead of you.- Fine.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Fine.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17PANTING AND MOANING
0:23:28 > 0:23:29MUFFLED PANTING AND MOANING
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Found it!- Oh, great.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Thank you.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55So, we're not going to tell anyone about this, OK?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58- Yeah. Of course. - It's just easier that way.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Definitely.- Good.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Emma, time to go!
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Coming!
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- All right?- Is this...?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14- No.- It looks like something happened.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- I'm going to get the bill. I'll pay for it.- Thank you.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Hi.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37I just wanted to follow up that text with a phone call.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Wanted to see if you wanted to hang out again.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44That's weird. You just pulled up
0:24:44 > 0:24:46in front of the restaurant that I'm eating at.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49Hey.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Hi.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- Hey. I'm Sam. - We work together at the hospital.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57We have like 15 minutes to get food, so...
0:24:57 > 0:25:00She's just using me for my car.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- You're a doctor? - Not yet. Fingers crossed.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06Awesome. That's awesome for you.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08- Hey, Eli.- Hey.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Well, we're kind of in a rush, so it was good seeing you.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- Nice to meet you.- Nice meeting you.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14You look beautiful today.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Nice meeting you.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26You piece of shit.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30- What?- "What?" Let me ask you.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Did you have sex with Emma?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35No.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Did you have sex with Emma?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Yes.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46- I'm not supposed to tell anyone.- Yes! Wow!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51I called her, but she didn't call me back. She sent me a text.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- All right. Well, what'd she text you?- "Hi."
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Just "Hi"? "Hi."
0:25:56 > 0:25:57With nothing else? Just "H-i"?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I don't know. What do I do with that? I don't know.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01That's not good.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03You just gotta walk away, pal. It's over.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- She's not into it. - Shit. Seriously?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- Good seeing you, guys. - See you later.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16You really think she's just using him for his car?
0:26:16 > 0:26:20No, Adam, I don't. I think he wants to fuck her in his Prius.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21And the thing about fucking in a Prius
0:26:21 > 0:26:23is that you don't have to feel guilty afterwards.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27- Cos of the carbon footprint.- Yeah.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- Metzner talked to me the other day. - Shut up. What did he say?
0:26:34 > 0:26:38He was like, "No, you're doing that wrong." It was amazing.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Emma.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45What are you doing here?
0:26:45 > 0:26:50Hi. You didn't call me back, so I thought I'd come here.
0:26:50 > 0:26:51It's for you.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56"Congratulations"? For what? Having sex with you?
0:26:56 > 0:27:01Yeah. You did a good job, so... I thought you deserved a balloon.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- I'm working.- OK.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07So, what's up with not calling me back?
0:27:07 > 0:27:11- I'm not good at this stuff. - At what, talking?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Yeah, talking. Communicating. Relationship stuff.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16It's just... This is...
0:27:16 > 0:27:18If we were in a relationship,
0:27:18 > 0:27:21I'd become a weird, scary version of myself, and...
0:27:21 > 0:27:24My throat starts constricting, the walls start throbbing.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27It's like a peanut allergy, like...an emotional peanut allergy.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Well, I can't date you, either.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Cos you're not my dad's type, so...
0:27:31 > 0:27:33- Emma, rounds.- Hey, Adam.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36- What's up? - Look, I should probably go.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Thank you. We'll be friends, right?
0:27:40 > 0:27:41Yeah, friends.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44With the height difference?
0:27:44 > 0:27:47We stand next to each other, it looks like he's kidnapping me.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49- What?- You always do this.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52You always find something wrong with everybody who likes you.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54And I date guys who have real problems.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57I date guys who steal my credit card,
0:27:57 > 0:27:59and then they tell me it's my fault because I left it out.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02You find these perfect guys,
0:28:02 > 0:28:05and then you're like, "It'll never work, he's too happy."
0:28:05 > 0:28:08What's up, Dr Metzner?
0:28:08 > 0:28:12Did I just say "What's up" to Stephen Metzner?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14That was really hard to watch.
0:28:14 > 0:28:19Look, I know I'm supposed to want to be in a relationship.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21But I'd just end up with a broken heart
0:28:21 > 0:28:23and a bunch of his old T-shirts.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25- Just from a purely logical aspect... - What are you doing?
0:28:25 > 0:28:28- I'm texting him. - Of course you are.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30# If you haven't got problems, I feel bad for you, son
0:28:30 > 0:28:34# I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one. #
0:28:42 > 0:28:45You know, you shouldn't have gotten her a balloon, actually.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Who do you think you are, the old guy from Up?
0:28:47 > 0:28:48You told me to get her a balloon.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52Well, I didn't think you'd actually do it. It's a terrible idea.
0:28:52 > 0:28:53Listen. Hey, nobody knows about this,
0:28:53 > 0:28:56- so don't say anything to anyone. OK? - All right, I won't.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58MOBILE BEEPS
0:28:58 > 0:29:00- It's from Emma.- What's it say?
0:29:00 > 0:29:03- "Where are you?" - What are you writing?
0:29:04 > 0:29:07"Hi, how are you doing?" And then a winky face.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09No, Adam, it's after 10pm.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Come on, the "Where are you?" text is like saying,
0:29:11 > 0:29:14"Hey, I want to have sex with you,
0:29:14 > 0:29:15"but I just need to know how drunk you are."
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Hey.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Did you fuck Emma and then bring her a balloon?
0:29:19 > 0:29:21What? Did you tell him?
0:29:21 > 0:29:24No! Yes!
0:29:24 > 0:29:27- You can't tell anyone. - She just texted him, "Where are you?"
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Oh, she wants the dick.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Adam, you want to come back strong here. Go from a position of power.
0:29:32 > 0:29:36Something like, "Where am I? Why don't you check your underpants".
0:29:36 > 0:29:38Yeah. Don't write that. Yeah!
0:29:38 > 0:29:41- I would never write that. - See, I like to be kind of scary.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44Like, "Boo! Here comes my dick".
0:29:44 > 0:29:47Did you have sex with some girl and give her a balloon?
0:29:48 > 0:29:51Can we not tell everyone?
0:29:51 > 0:29:54I apologise.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56So, what'd you write back?
0:29:56 > 0:29:57"Hi."
0:30:03 > 0:30:05- Yeah, that could work. - Yeah, it's not bad. "Hi" is fine.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08MOBILE BEEPS
0:30:15 > 0:30:18There were so many interesting things going on.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21- Yeah.- That flippy thing, what was that?
0:30:21 > 0:30:24Sure, I just, I don't know, I had an idea, I just went with it.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27- That was a really good call. - Thank you.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34We probably shouldn't snuggle.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39Yeah. That just felt wrong.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41I should head out.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43- Already?- Yeah.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47You want to grab a muffin or something?
0:30:47 > 0:30:50I can't. I have to go to work.
0:30:50 > 0:30:55OK. You know, I don't want to freak you out, but...
0:30:55 > 0:30:58I'd love to hang out with you in the daytime sometime.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01It's not really possible. I have no time.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05I work 80 hours a week, doing 36-hour shifts.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09What I need is someone who's going to be in my bed at 2am,
0:31:09 > 0:31:13who I don't have to lie to or eat breakfast with.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15I hate breakfast. And lying.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18I also hate war.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30Do you want to do this?
0:31:31 > 0:31:33Do what?
0:31:33 > 0:31:38Use each other for sex, at all hours of the day and night.
0:31:38 > 0:31:39Nothing else.
0:31:44 > 0:31:48- Yeah, I could do that.- Good.
0:31:52 > 0:31:53It's going to be fun.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56- You know this is never going to work.- Why not?
0:31:56 > 0:31:59Because clearly you're going to fall in love with me.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02Oh, really? Well, then we just do this
0:32:02 > 0:32:05until one of us feels something more, and then we stop.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09- Well, it won't be me. - It won't be me.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Good luck with that.
0:32:18 > 0:32:19- Hey.- Hey.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23We're sex friends.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26Just friends who have sex.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28That's not possible.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49I'm going to distribute these for an hour or so.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05Listen, we should keep this simple.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08I mean, maybe we should establish some ground rules.
0:33:08 > 0:33:11Ground rules. Good idea.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14OK, well, we can start with no fighting.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17- No lying.- Those are good ones.
0:33:17 > 0:33:21No jealousy, no staring deeply into each other's eyes.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24Don't list me as your emergency contact. I won't come.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27- Isn't that against your Hippocratic oath?- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:33:27 > 0:33:29- I'd let you die.- Oh, yeah?
0:33:29 > 0:33:33I'll be back in like... an hour.
0:33:33 > 0:33:34Have fun.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37I'm just getting some yogurt.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41God, I am single as fuck.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Oh, my God.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55It looks like it's coming right at me.
0:33:57 > 0:33:58Hey, one more thing.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00Don't call my penis cute.
0:34:00 > 0:34:02Even if it's dressed up like a Care Bear,
0:34:02 > 0:34:04and it's giving you a Care Stare.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07Don't dress up your penis. Ever.
0:34:17 > 0:34:22Does your insurance cover invasive procedures?
0:34:22 > 0:34:24OK. OK, this is getting a little too realistic.
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Trust me.
0:34:36 > 0:34:40I can't focus on my porn with all this real sex going on around me!
0:34:49 > 0:34:50Yes, I'm ready.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53What are you doing?!
0:34:56 > 0:34:59I just friended you. Do you think you're going to confirm or ignore?
0:34:59 > 0:35:02Oh, I'm going to confirm. For sure.
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Yeah, look at you. Of course.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11Any time. Need some help?
0:35:11 > 0:35:14Oh, beautiful! Beautiful!
0:35:19 > 0:35:21MOBILE BEEPS
0:35:26 > 0:35:28...the tomatoes are Australian.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38- What was that?- What?
0:35:38 > 0:35:42- Are you being jealous? - Of that guy? Come on.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44Look, even if I did like him, it doesn't change what we're doing.
0:35:44 > 0:35:49- Ah, so you like him. - Adam, I'm not yours.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51No, of course not. Why would I think that?
0:35:52 > 0:35:56Wow. Prius. Nice.
0:35:56 > 0:36:00- It's kind of girly, but nice, huh?- What do you drive?
0:36:00 > 0:36:04Just an old BMW. Five series. Right there.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07Oh, yeah, sure. I actually paid for mine.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10I didn't take it from my parents.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12Yeah, I paid for mine, too.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14Oh, yeah?
0:36:16 > 0:36:18You're a big guy. Do you work out?
0:36:18 > 0:36:21Oh. I row.
0:36:21 > 0:36:22Like boats?
0:36:22 > 0:36:26- I rowed crew at Harvard. - Oh, Harvard.
0:36:26 > 0:36:27What were you, a cocksman? What do they say?
0:36:27 > 0:36:29- What do they call it? - Coxswain.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33No. You know, I get it, right? That you're sleeping with Emma?
0:36:33 > 0:36:35I what?
0:36:35 > 0:36:38That you and Emma have sex sometimes. I get it.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40She's tired, she calls you up, you drive over,
0:36:40 > 0:36:42and have sex for, I'm guessing, ten minutes.
0:36:42 > 0:36:43Think that's going to last?
0:36:46 > 0:36:48I don't know what you're talking about.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50Sure you do. And that's fine, for now.
0:36:50 > 0:36:51But you should just know
0:36:51 > 0:36:54that I'm going to be there right next to her every day,
0:36:54 > 0:36:56using big words...
0:36:56 > 0:36:58...saving people's lives.
0:36:59 > 0:37:02Then, when she's done having her fun with you, she's going to
0:37:02 > 0:37:06come running to me, because I'm a grownup, and I have a real job.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09I can actually take care of her, you know?
0:37:10 > 0:37:13I'm the guy she marries, Adam.
0:37:13 > 0:37:17You're the guy she fucked a couple of times in the handicapped bathroom.
0:37:35 > 0:37:39- What's this? - These are my feet, Adam.
0:37:39 > 0:37:42- They're fantastic.- No, this.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44That's your script.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Your dad told me to give it to you.
0:37:46 > 0:37:49Yeah, he read it, and he gave you notes, and...
0:37:49 > 0:37:53I'm not saying Alvin and I did mushrooms together,
0:37:53 > 0:37:55but I'm not prepared to say that we didn't.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58I know that you have issues with your dad, and that's cool,
0:37:58 > 0:38:00but he really likes you and he definitely likes me,
0:38:00 > 0:38:03and we were just jamming ideas and goofing around
0:38:03 > 0:38:06and tripping our balls off.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10Hey. So... I really feel like it needs to be more ghetto.
0:38:10 > 0:38:14You know, like, more crunk? Can you work it out? Thanks.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16- Hey. Nice moves.- Hey.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19I know you were trying really hard out there, but it just didn't work.
0:38:19 > 0:38:22Hey, would you ever? I...
0:38:22 > 0:38:24I wrote an episode.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27- I used to write in college, so...- OK.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29I'm going to have to stop you right there.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32- Not your job.- Yeah.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35Hey. I'm, like, actually one of those freaks who reads things,
0:38:35 > 0:38:38so if you wanted to give it to me, that's cool.
0:38:38 > 0:38:39- Really?- Yeah.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41- Thank you.- Sure.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43Megan listens to me. Sometimes.
0:38:45 > 0:38:48Victoria! Seriously? Like, I can see you smoking right there.
0:38:48 > 0:38:51Put it out! I'm not going to chase you.
0:38:51 > 0:38:56I'm not going to... I'm not going to... Victoria! Hey!
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Emma!
0:39:02 > 0:39:04Katie, is everything OK? I got your message.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Emma, I have really good news.
0:39:07 > 0:39:09OK, it happened yesterday after the picnic,
0:39:09 > 0:39:11but I wanted to tell you in person.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15Oh, my God.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17I'm getting married.
0:39:17 > 0:39:18I'm getting married!
0:39:18 > 0:39:21- You're getting married. - I'm getting married!
0:39:22 > 0:39:25Mum is so excited.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28She was like screaming and crying last night.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31And she's going to fly down with Bones and help me shop for the dress.
0:39:31 > 0:39:34With who? "Bones"? Who's Bones?
0:39:34 > 0:39:38Oh, crap. Katie, who's Bones?
0:39:38 > 0:39:40He's Mom's friend.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43I wasn't supposed to tell you about it. Crap.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47She has a boyfriend? Named Bones?
0:39:47 > 0:39:50- What is he, a drifter?- No.
0:39:50 > 0:39:51Why didn't she tell me?
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Well, Emma...
0:39:55 > 0:39:58You're so good at being alone. Mum and I aren't like that.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01- What's that supposed to mean? - It just is true.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04Look, Katie.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07You're 22. Do you really think you're ready to quit school?
0:40:07 > 0:40:09I love him.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Tea for your 'gina.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21Thanks. My sister's getting married.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23Yes, we know that. We heard.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25Oh, shut up, Emma.
0:40:25 > 0:40:26Did you take your Pamprin?
0:40:26 > 0:40:28- Leave me alone. - You leave me alone.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30I love it when we're all on the same cycle.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32We all get to be passive-aggressive and fight.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34You are not even a woman.
0:40:34 > 0:40:35BUZZER
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Who is that?
0:40:39 > 0:40:41Hello?
0:40:41 > 0:40:43'Hey, it's Adam.'
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Are you kidding me?
0:40:47 > 0:40:48Go away.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51I've got cupcakes.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54BUZZER
0:41:06 > 0:41:07Hello, everyone.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10I told you not to come. It's not safe in here.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13Do you think that you have red velvet in there?
0:41:13 > 0:41:14I might.
0:41:14 > 0:41:18Let's take a look and see what we have here.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21Shira, chocolate. Now.
0:41:21 > 0:41:25I understand what's going on. You're all on the same cycle.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27This is very exciting.
0:41:27 > 0:41:31Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Nice memorisation. Did you Google that?
0:41:33 > 0:41:35I may have.
0:41:35 > 0:41:39Because you're women. And I think that's a beautiful thing.
0:41:40 > 0:41:43It's like a crime scene in my pants.
0:41:43 > 0:41:47Oh. I also...
0:41:47 > 0:41:49...made you this.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52To help soothe your womb.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55It's a mix.
0:41:55 > 0:41:59"Even Flow", "Red Red Wine."
0:41:59 > 0:42:01"Sunday Bloody Sunday"?
0:42:01 > 0:42:03Adam.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05Did you make me a period mix?
0:42:06 > 0:42:08That's so romantic.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10Frank Sinatra.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12"I've Got The World On A String."
0:42:12 > 0:42:14It's a classic.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19# Keep, keep bleedin' love
0:42:19 > 0:42:21# I keep bleedin'...#
0:42:21 > 0:42:23Get that shit away from me.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26Come on, it's soup. It's good for your uterus.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28Just take it, or I'm going to keep singing.
0:42:32 > 0:42:37# Keep bleedin', I keep, keep bleedin' love! #
0:42:51 > 0:42:54Oh, shit.
0:42:54 > 0:42:55Oh, Adam.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59Adam.
0:42:59 > 0:43:00What?
0:43:02 > 0:43:05We fell asleep. We were spooning.
0:43:07 > 0:43:09- We were?- Yeah.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12And we were spooning with our clothes on,
0:43:12 > 0:43:15which is like ten times worse.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17- Oh, shit.- Yeah.
0:43:17 > 0:43:21- Fully clothed spoon.- This is bad.
0:43:24 > 0:43:28This is my fault. I should not have made you soup.
0:43:28 > 0:43:32- What are we going to do?- About what?
0:43:32 > 0:43:35Maybe we should... Maybe we should stop for a while.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39No, we're not stopping.
0:43:39 > 0:43:43Yeah, well, I don't know.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47Go hook up with someone else.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51- Are you serious?- Yeah, go...
0:43:51 > 0:43:54Go to the nearest bar and have sex with a stranger.
0:43:54 > 0:43:57- You're kidding?- No.
0:44:02 > 0:44:06- This is crazy. - You made me a period mix.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12Adam, this is an emergency.
0:44:12 > 0:44:15- So you just want me to go?- Yeah.
0:44:15 > 0:44:17- Just have sex with a random woman?- Yeah, go.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Like a sexual woman?
0:44:19 > 0:44:20Yes!
0:44:22 > 0:44:25I'll go have sex with someone, too.
0:44:31 > 0:44:33OK.
0:44:35 > 0:44:39- No, this is going to be good for us.- Yeah. It's great.
0:44:44 > 0:44:47Great. Well done. Well played.
0:44:47 > 0:44:48Bye.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52I haven't seen her in two weeks, so...
0:44:53 > 0:44:55She said I should hook up with other people.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?
0:44:57 > 0:45:00- Look at my face. - No, I get it. I just...
0:45:00 > 0:45:02Look at my face. What does my face say?
0:45:02 > 0:45:04Yeah, Adam, come on, you're living every man's dreams.
0:45:04 > 0:45:06I mean, she wants you to hook up with other girls.
0:45:06 > 0:45:08- Yes. - Look, in ten years from now,
0:45:08 > 0:45:10you're going to be having sex with your wife.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12And it's going to be in the missionary position.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14- And one of you is going to be asleep.- Yep.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16And you're going to think back to this moment,
0:45:16 > 0:45:19and you're going to call me up, crying.
0:45:19 > 0:45:21And I'm going to laugh in your face, Adam.
0:45:21 > 0:45:23I'm sorry, but it's what I'm going to do.
0:45:23 > 0:45:24This is a gift right now.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27You don't even have to have breakfast with her.
0:45:27 > 0:45:29I know. I get that. I just...
0:45:29 > 0:45:30Look at my face.
0:45:32 > 0:45:34You bringing Adam to the Christmas party tonight?
0:45:34 > 0:45:38No. Things were getting too intense, so we decided not to see each other
0:45:38 > 0:45:39until we hook up with other people.
0:45:39 > 0:45:44OK. Yes. Good. We are getting laid tonight, right?
0:45:44 > 0:45:47This is going to be like Sideways, except that you're Paul Giamatti,
0:45:47 > 0:45:49- and I'm the guy that gets laid. - I can't get laid?
0:45:49 > 0:45:51No. Tonight is about me, Emma. All right? I'm feeling hot.
0:45:51 > 0:45:53I'm feeling good. I am wearing bikini bottoms
0:45:53 > 0:45:55because my other underwear is dirty.
0:45:55 > 0:45:58All right, we're hot. You feel hot?
0:45:58 > 0:46:00No-one threw up on me today.
0:46:00 > 0:46:03We're sluts, Emma! We're dirty, dirty, sluts!
0:46:03 > 0:46:05- OK.- Remember, we're sluts!
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Good evening, sir.
0:46:22 > 0:46:25No, I got that! I got that, pal. That's going to be me.
0:46:27 > 0:46:31- Did you just open the car door for me?- Yes, I did.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33No-one's ever done that for me before. Do it again.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35All right.
0:46:38 > 0:46:40- How's that? - It's amazing.
0:46:42 > 0:46:43Can I have your arm?
0:46:45 > 0:46:48So, when I have to tell someone that someone they loved died,
0:46:48 > 0:46:51it's hard, you know? Sometimes I laugh.
0:46:51 > 0:46:53Because it's kind of weird.
0:46:53 > 0:46:54Very nice.
0:46:54 > 0:46:58- Oh, don't even think about it. - I'm going to go talk to him.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00Emma, no.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03I'm going to do this.
0:47:03 > 0:47:05Emma, think about your career. Do not do this.
0:47:08 > 0:47:10- Dr Metzner. - Yes?
0:47:10 > 0:47:12Hi. I'm Emma Kurtzman.
0:47:13 > 0:47:19I've been ho, ho, hoping that I'd get the chance to talk to you.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24- Does anyone here need a drink?- Patron!
0:47:25 > 0:47:27How are you guys doing?
0:47:27 > 0:47:29- Joy, come join us. - Hey, Joy.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31- What's up?- I have to work.
0:47:31 > 0:47:32Come on, just sit down for a second. Sit down.
0:47:32 > 0:47:34- OK.- Come on. Here. You take that one.
0:47:34 > 0:47:35- We're just hanging.- Thank you.
0:47:35 > 0:47:37Screw the customers.
0:47:37 > 0:47:40She is so good at impressions.
0:47:40 > 0:47:42- Do an impression, then. - Yes, do an impression.
0:47:42 > 0:47:43All right, guess who this is.
0:47:46 > 0:47:48Dad!
0:47:49 > 0:47:50- Dad!- Oh, my God, that's so cute.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52- I don't know.- Come on.
0:47:52 > 0:47:53- Where are you? - I don't know.
0:47:53 > 0:47:57- Where are you, Dad? - It's Nemo.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59- Yes!- Yeah.
0:47:59 > 0:48:00- Nemo.- Amazing.
0:48:00 > 0:48:02I don't know why I didn't get that. How did you know that?
0:48:02 > 0:48:06Cos I've seen it a thousand times. That's how.
0:48:06 > 0:48:09- Drew Barrymore.- I don't know if I'm drunk enough.
0:48:09 > 0:48:10Come on. You can't do Drew Barrymore.
0:48:10 > 0:48:12Oh, but she can.
0:48:12 > 0:48:17Happy holidays. I was in The Wedding Singer.
0:48:17 > 0:48:19That's it. That's all I have.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22That was kind of an amazing Drew Barrymore.
0:48:22 > 0:48:24You kind of even looked like her when you did it.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26Oh, my God, Joy. I love you so much.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30You do?
0:48:30 > 0:48:31Yeah.
0:48:31 > 0:48:33Lisa...
0:48:33 > 0:48:35..I love you.
0:48:35 > 0:48:38Wait. I'm seriously in love with you.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40Wait. Why didn't you tell me sooner?
0:48:40 > 0:48:44- I didn't have the courage. - Oh, my God. This is amazing.
0:48:44 > 0:48:47- God, you look so beautiful. - And your eyes are so pretty.
0:48:47 > 0:48:50- Have you got? - Let's do this.
0:48:50 > 0:48:52Wallace, could you take a picture of this?
0:48:52 > 0:48:55Yeah, Wallace, I got a camera right here, if you just want to...
0:48:55 > 0:48:58No problem at all. Just get a little closer, ladies.
0:48:58 > 0:49:01All right. Everybody smile.
0:49:01 > 0:49:03Happy ho-lidays!
0:49:03 > 0:49:05MOBILE BEEPS
0:49:10 > 0:49:12Hey, hey!
0:49:12 > 0:49:14Merry Christmas. Happy holidays.
0:49:14 > 0:49:15Can I get you a dri..?
0:49:19 > 0:49:21You want to get out of here?
0:49:22 > 0:49:23Yes. Yeah.
0:49:23 > 0:49:25I'll get my stuff.
0:49:49 > 0:49:50MOBILE RINGS
0:49:50 > 0:49:54Listen, don't fuck one of those girls.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58They're not...they're not nice. They're not nice girls.
0:49:59 > 0:50:01What? Emma?
0:50:01 > 0:50:02Is that you?
0:50:03 > 0:50:05Katie!
0:50:05 > 0:50:08Yeah, hi. What are you doing? Where are you?
0:50:08 > 0:50:11I'm just studying for the doctor test.
0:50:11 > 0:50:13You're coming tomorrow, right?
0:50:13 > 0:50:15- PHONE BEEPS - Hold on.
0:50:16 > 0:50:17Hey, Adam.
0:50:17 > 0:50:19I am following your instructions diligently.
0:50:19 > 0:50:22- Put that away! - Who are you talking to?
0:50:28 > 0:50:31Are you there? You're not there, are you?
0:50:33 > 0:50:36Taxi! Taxi!
0:50:42 > 0:50:44Take me to Adam's house.
0:50:44 > 0:50:46- OK, ma'am, where's that? - Where Adam lives.
0:50:46 > 0:50:48- All right... - Just go. Go.
0:50:48 > 0:50:50OK, I'm going.
0:51:05 > 0:51:08Got a cocktail for the ladies.
0:51:08 > 0:51:11That's my Christopher Walken.
0:51:11 > 0:51:16Yeah. I'll just set these over here and...
0:51:17 > 0:51:20...then we can all sort of involve ourselves in...
0:51:20 > 0:51:22OK, let's...
0:51:22 > 0:51:25Well, you guys are doing a really good job.
0:51:25 > 0:51:27I'll just be over here if you need me.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29Adam!
0:51:29 > 0:51:32Adam Franklin!
0:51:34 > 0:51:36Adam! Franklin!
0:51:36 > 0:51:39OK.
0:51:39 > 0:51:41Just keep up the good work, ladies.
0:51:49 > 0:51:51What are? What are you?
0:51:52 > 0:51:54Hey.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Are you?
0:51:56 > 0:51:58Yeah. Oh, yeah.
0:52:02 > 0:52:04What's going on?
0:52:04 > 0:52:07- This is Joy. - I'm Joy. Hi.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11- Good for you. - Adam?
0:52:12 > 0:52:14And this is Lisa.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19You are such an overachiever.
0:52:19 > 0:52:21Thank you.
0:52:21 > 0:52:23No, we don't need her. Make her leave.
0:52:23 > 0:52:26No. You leave.
0:52:26 > 0:52:29Are you trying to get rid of us?
0:52:29 > 0:52:30You look like a pumpkin, bitch!
0:52:30 > 0:52:33- This is amazing. - Oh, you make... Hey!
0:52:34 > 0:52:37OK. I got this.
0:52:37 > 0:52:40I got this. You just...calm down.
0:52:44 > 0:52:46But we don't look anything like pumpkins.
0:52:46 > 0:52:50I know. She probably forgot to take her meds.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53You know, for your own safety, you'd better get your stuff and go.
0:52:53 > 0:52:55Thanks.
0:52:55 > 0:52:58Watch out, though. She could be anywhere.
0:52:58 > 0:53:01She's quick. Like a puma.
0:53:03 > 0:53:05You're so mean!
0:53:05 > 0:53:09Ring, ring! It's the pumpkin patch! They want their pumpkins back!
0:53:09 > 0:53:12- We're not pumpkins! - We're ladies!
0:53:12 > 0:53:14But you're so orange!
0:53:14 > 0:53:17Hey, someone call Charlie Brown!
0:53:17 > 0:53:19We found the Great Pumpkin!
0:53:19 > 0:53:21Ow! Don't! Don't!
0:53:28 > 0:53:31You're crazy.
0:53:31 > 0:53:33I felt like Flavour Flav.
0:53:33 > 0:53:38- I can't believe you chose those girls.- Are you jealous?
0:53:38 > 0:53:42Don't do that. Don't just disappear like that on me.
0:53:42 > 0:53:44- You told me to. - You shouldn't listen to me.
0:53:44 > 0:53:46Fine, I won't.
0:53:54 > 0:53:57- Did you smell my hair? - No.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09- What did you want to talk to me about? Wait.- Just hang out here.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11Right here?
0:54:11 > 0:54:13Oh, man.
0:54:13 > 0:54:14Surprise!
0:54:14 > 0:54:17ALL: Happy birthday!
0:54:27 > 0:54:30# As the days of the year roll by
0:54:31 > 0:54:37# There's one that brings a tear to a daddy's eye
0:54:37 > 0:54:39# Cos I'm so happy
0:54:39 > 0:54:43# To be your pappy
0:54:43 > 0:54:47# Today and I'll tell you why
0:54:49 > 0:54:52# It's your birthday
0:54:52 > 0:54:55# Baby boy
0:54:55 > 0:54:58# It's your birthday Birthday
0:54:58 > 0:55:00# Birthday boy
0:55:00 > 0:55:03# Happy birthday, happy birthday Hap...py!
0:55:03 > 0:55:05# Happy birthday, happy birthday Birth...day!
0:55:05 > 0:55:07# Happy birthday
0:55:07 > 0:55:09# To you. #
0:55:09 > 0:55:10Everybody!
0:55:10 > 0:55:14# Happy birthday
0:55:14 > 0:55:18# To you! #
0:55:25 > 0:55:28Blow it out! Blow it out! Oh, Adam, happy birthday.
0:55:28 > 0:55:30- We're so proud of you. - Make a wish.
0:55:38 > 0:55:40Guys, you get a five-minute warning.
0:55:40 > 0:55:42OK? No, he's ten-one.
0:55:42 > 0:55:44I already texted him.
0:55:44 > 0:55:49- So, all is forgiven? - No. Nothing is forgiven.
0:55:49 > 0:55:52Adam, don't you think it's been weird for me, too?
0:55:52 > 0:55:55Knowing that...my own son had sex with my girlfriend?
0:55:57 > 0:55:59But I got over it. You should, too.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01Excuse me! Can I have your autograph, please?
0:56:01 > 0:56:03- Mine, too, please. - Certainly.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05Listen, let me take you to a nice birthday dinner tonight.
0:56:05 > 0:56:09You, me and Vanessa. We have something we want to talk to you about.
0:56:09 > 0:56:10- Something?- Yeah.
0:56:10 > 0:56:13- Like what? - Just something important, OK?
0:56:13 > 0:56:15- Please don't do this.- 8:30, STK.
0:56:15 > 0:56:19All right? Be there. Bring anyone you want, all right?
0:56:19 > 0:56:21- Bye, everyone. Thank you. - Oh, thank you so much for coming.
0:56:21 > 0:56:23It's been an honour.
0:56:23 > 0:56:26- Great Scott! - Bravo! Bravo!
0:56:30 > 0:56:33What the fuck?
0:56:33 > 0:56:36- What happened? - Oh, my.
0:56:36 > 0:56:38Are you, OK? Are you, OK? What happened?
0:56:38 > 0:56:41- Give me that! - That's my phone!
0:56:41 > 0:56:43Fuck you, Chuck! You're very talented, but fuck you!
0:56:43 > 0:56:45Can we get a medic, please?
0:56:45 > 0:56:48Try to use it as little as possible.
0:56:48 > 0:56:51- No sports or working out for a while.- Dr Metzner?
0:56:53 > 0:56:56Adam, what's going on? What happened?
0:56:56 > 0:57:00He sprained his wrist punching a wall.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03You texted me that you were dying.
0:57:03 > 0:57:04It really hurt.
0:57:04 > 0:57:08I gave him some hydrocodone for the night. It's a very strong painkiller.
0:57:08 > 0:57:11You might want to have Dr Kurtzman here drive you home.
0:57:12 > 0:57:16And here is a prescription for an anti-inflammatory.
0:57:17 > 0:57:19Don't worry. You're in good hands.
0:57:19 > 0:57:21Your girlfriend here is a very talented doctor.
0:57:21 > 0:57:23No. No, I'm... I'm not his girlfriend.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25She is not my girlfriend.
0:57:25 > 0:57:29Oh, sorry. I saw that he listed you as an emergency contact.
0:57:31 > 0:57:33My mistake. Feel better.
0:57:33 > 0:57:38Oh, by the way, I enjoyed your dad's TV show.
0:57:38 > 0:57:40Great Scott. That's funny stuff.
0:57:40 > 0:57:42I'll tell him you said that.
0:57:47 > 0:57:50My dad invited me to dinner,
0:57:50 > 0:57:52and he's bringing Vanessa.
0:57:53 > 0:57:56- You have to come. - No, I don't.
0:57:56 > 0:57:59- I just worked 14 hours. - I'm not going to meet your parents.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01You know what? Just help me.
0:58:03 > 0:58:07These are really powerful painkillers. I can't feel anything.
0:58:09 > 0:58:10Feel that?
0:58:12 > 0:58:15Yeah. I felt that.
0:58:15 > 0:58:17Happy birthday, Adam.
0:58:17 > 0:58:19I'm so glad you guys could join us for dinner.
0:58:19 > 0:58:23Cheers. I'll come right back to take your order.
0:58:23 > 0:58:27So, how you doing there, kiddo?
0:58:27 > 0:58:30Perfect, Dad. Thank you for asking.
0:58:30 > 0:58:33How long have you two been together?
0:58:33 > 0:58:35Oh, we're not.
0:58:35 > 0:58:39- We're sex friends. - Yeah. Yes, we are.
0:58:39 > 0:58:42Yeah, friends with benefits? Fuck buddies?
0:58:43 > 0:58:45Great Scott!
0:58:45 > 0:58:51I know this might be hard, but just because I'm your ex-girlfriend
0:58:51 > 0:58:56doesn't mean that you can't look at me as a kind of...mum?
0:58:56 > 0:58:58- Oh, boy.- Especially because, well,
0:58:58 > 0:59:04Alvin and I have been talking about creating new life together.
0:59:04 > 0:59:06You see, we were at Burning Man.
0:59:06 > 0:59:09- And we were dressed up. - Yeah. I was dressed as a fire bird.
0:59:09 > 0:59:11And what were you dressed as?
0:59:11 > 0:59:15I was naked. And we were just out there in the desert,
0:59:15 > 0:59:17and he was burying my bare body in the sand.
0:59:17 > 0:59:21Yeah. Pecking at it with my... fire beak.
0:59:21 > 0:59:23And then I just thought,
0:59:23 > 0:59:27you know, what if all these grains of sand,
0:59:27 > 0:59:30were actually babies?
0:59:30 > 0:59:33- And so we... - We had this wonderful idea.
0:59:33 > 0:59:38And we...well, we'd like your blessing, Adam.
0:59:38 > 0:59:41How do you feel about the two of us having a baby together?
0:59:44 > 0:59:45Adam.
0:59:47 > 0:59:50This isn't really my place. I mean, who am I?
0:59:50 > 0:59:52I just have sex with your son sometimes.
0:59:52 > 0:59:54- But...- Yes, she does.
0:59:54 > 0:59:57But... there is really no reason
0:59:57 > 1:00:00for you to bring a child into this world,
1:00:00 > 1:00:02since you're acting like children already.
1:00:02 > 1:00:05- That was really mean.- Yeah.
1:00:05 > 1:00:08I'm mean. But you're fucking crazy.
1:00:08 > 1:00:10Cos given the choice between Adam and his dad,
1:00:10 > 1:00:13given the choice between Adam and anyone, really,
1:00:13 > 1:00:14I'd choose Adam, every time.
1:00:17 > 1:00:20- Do you want to get out of here?- Yep.
1:00:20 > 1:00:22Fuck this.
1:00:23 > 1:00:25Oh, by the way...
1:00:25 > 1:00:27it's the best sex of my life.
1:00:31 > 1:00:32Great Scott!
1:00:39 > 1:00:43I have to say, this is probably the best birthday dinner ever.
1:00:43 > 1:00:45I wanted to make it special.
1:00:45 > 1:00:47Yeah? Where's the cake?
1:00:48 > 1:00:49That comes later, baby.
1:00:53 > 1:00:54- Hey.- What?
1:00:54 > 1:00:58Thank you for what you did back at the restaurant.
1:01:15 > 1:01:17Go on a date with me.
1:01:18 > 1:01:20You're heavily sedated.
1:01:20 > 1:01:23Come on, it's... it's one date. Just do it.
1:01:23 > 1:01:26Why? So I can wear make-up and act perfect all night?
1:01:26 > 1:01:28Yeah.
1:01:28 > 1:01:32I'll pick you up, and we can talk about our favourite books
1:01:32 > 1:01:35and our favourite TV shows.
1:01:35 > 1:01:37I'll pay for everything, and you can reward me
1:01:37 > 1:01:40with an over-the-jeans cock rub.
1:01:41 > 1:01:42Like a real date.
1:01:42 > 1:01:46- Is that really what you want? - This Friday.
1:01:46 > 1:01:48This Friday is Valentine's Day.
1:01:48 > 1:01:49- Yeah.- No.
1:01:49 > 1:01:52Go big or go home. There'll be hearts,
1:01:52 > 1:01:54and maybe some flowers.
1:01:58 > 1:01:59One date.
1:02:03 > 1:02:04Fine.
1:02:04 > 1:02:07- What? - I'll go on a date with you.
1:02:07 > 1:02:10- What?- I'll go on a date with you.
1:02:10 > 1:02:13- I thought that's what you said. - But no flowers, OK?
1:02:32 > 1:02:34You look amazing.
1:02:34 > 1:02:36Thank you.
1:02:40 > 1:02:42- You said no flowers. - That's pretty cute.
1:02:42 > 1:02:44Yeah, I'm pretty good at this.
1:02:46 > 1:02:48Thank you.
1:02:48 > 1:02:52I've had a really tough day, so, I just won't...
1:02:52 > 1:02:55I promise. It's about to get better.
1:03:07 > 1:03:11- I made you a Valentine's Day card.- What?
1:03:13 > 1:03:15It's perfect.
1:03:15 > 1:03:18Can you read it for me? Is that weird?
1:03:20 > 1:03:24"You give me premature ventricular contractions."
1:03:25 > 1:03:28- I'm assuming that's a good thing? - You make my heart skip a beat.
1:03:31 > 1:03:34- Don't make fun of me. - Wow.
1:03:34 > 1:03:36- So, you ready for tonight? - Yeah.
1:03:37 > 1:03:38I'm glad to see you.
1:03:41 > 1:03:43- Are you excited? - Yeah.
1:03:44 > 1:03:46- Louder! - Yeah!
1:03:46 > 1:03:48- Yeah! - So excited!
1:03:50 > 1:03:53- Here's our itinerary. - You made me an itinerary?
1:03:53 > 1:03:56Yeah, we got a lot to do. We got to make up for lost time.
1:03:57 > 1:03:59Google Maps. Nice.
1:03:59 > 1:04:03OK, full disclosure:
1:04:03 > 1:04:05I have played before,
1:04:05 > 1:04:07and I might be kind of good.
1:04:07 > 1:04:09- This is pretty. - It is pretty.
1:04:09 > 1:04:11- But this... it's just going to be fun.- OK.
1:04:11 > 1:04:14Ladies first.
1:04:14 > 1:04:17OK. Don't expect too much.
1:04:21 > 1:04:22Nice and easy.
1:04:30 > 1:04:34- Yeah. I stuck it in.- Wow.
1:04:34 > 1:04:36Well, this hole's a little bit more complicated.
1:04:36 > 1:04:40You're going to have to bank it off there. It's all about the geometry.
1:04:40 > 1:04:41I'm a doctor.
1:04:54 > 1:04:56That hole is my bitch!
1:05:10 > 1:05:13Yes! Yes!
1:05:13 > 1:05:14Yeah!
1:05:16 > 1:05:17Thank you.
1:05:17 > 1:05:19I don't get my own milkshake?
1:05:19 > 1:05:23No, it's one milkshake, two straws. That's what makes it special.
1:05:23 > 1:05:25But I'm so hungry.
1:05:25 > 1:05:28We have dinner later. Didn't you read the itinerary?
1:05:28 > 1:05:31You're going to get more shake, you have a bigger mouth.
1:05:31 > 1:05:33You have a pretty big mouth. Oh, easy.
1:05:38 > 1:05:41Hey! That's cheating.
1:05:48 > 1:05:49Sorry.
1:05:50 > 1:05:52Thanks.
1:05:53 > 1:05:54- I really like you. - I really like you.
1:05:56 > 1:05:58I actually think that...
1:06:02 > 1:06:03..I'm falling...
1:06:08 > 1:06:10You can have the rest.
1:06:37 > 1:06:39How do they change these lightbulbs?
1:06:39 > 1:06:41Must be a nightmare.
1:06:41 > 1:06:44- Adam?- Oh, here. You want your coat?
1:06:44 > 1:06:46I can take that. You cold?
1:06:50 > 1:06:53I can't do this. Could you please take me back to work?
1:06:53 > 1:06:56No. No, that's not the deal.
1:06:56 > 1:06:58The deal is that we're going to walk around,
1:06:58 > 1:07:01and we're going to look at the twinkly lights, and then...
1:07:01 > 1:07:04Why are you messing everything up?
1:07:04 > 1:07:05That's what people do, Emma.
1:07:05 > 1:07:07They buy each other flowers, and they go to museums...
1:07:07 > 1:07:11You know me. This stuff freaks me out.
1:07:11 > 1:07:13It's fake.
1:07:14 > 1:07:16What's wrong with what we're doing?
1:07:16 > 1:07:17It's working. We don't have to fight...
1:07:17 > 1:07:19- We don't have to... - Maybe I want to fight.
1:07:19 > 1:07:20Yeah, well, I don't.
1:07:20 > 1:07:23What are you going to do? You're never going to feel anything?
1:07:23 > 1:07:24How you going to do that?
1:07:24 > 1:07:27I don't know. I'll figure it out.
1:07:30 > 1:07:33- You're so messed up.- Yeah?
1:07:33 > 1:07:37I don't need you to take care of me. I take care of myself.
1:07:37 > 1:07:40That's what I do.
1:07:40 > 1:07:45Why don't you go find some other girl who's not going to hurt you?
1:07:47 > 1:07:48Because I love you.
1:07:48 > 1:07:52It's obvious. I completely love you. There.
1:07:52 > 1:07:54Oh, yeah. You're such a wimp.
1:07:54 > 1:07:56- I am not a wimp. - Well, then be with me!
1:07:56 > 1:07:59OK, you're going to fight me. Yeah? Is that what you're going to?
1:07:59 > 1:08:03You can't fight me, you're miniature. You're like a girl Rick Moranis.
1:08:04 > 1:08:06You fight like a hamster.
1:08:06 > 1:08:09Hey. Hey!
1:08:09 > 1:08:12Excuse me! Excuse me! You can't do that here.
1:08:13 > 1:08:16OK. I'm sorry.
1:08:23 > 1:08:24All right, you're out!
1:08:41 > 1:08:42I can't keep doing this.
1:08:47 > 1:08:49I'm not going to see you again.
1:08:51 > 1:08:52I know.
1:08:53 > 1:08:55That makes sense.
1:09:02 > 1:09:03Bye.
1:09:33 > 1:09:37- Hey, you, OK? - Yeah. I'm fine, thanks.
1:09:37 > 1:09:40- You want to go get a coffee? - No, thanks.
1:09:55 > 1:09:57You're a really good cook.
1:09:57 > 1:09:59Oh, this? I just threw it together.
1:10:00 > 1:10:01Oh, shit.
1:10:01 > 1:10:03Oh, hey, Adam!
1:10:05 > 1:10:07Adam. Hello!
1:10:09 > 1:10:10Lucy.
1:10:10 > 1:10:12Yeah, we were just having a romantic night
1:10:12 > 1:10:14when your friend stopped by from work.
1:10:14 > 1:10:17Usually I spend Valentine's Day catching up on work and stuff,
1:10:17 > 1:10:18but this is like, this is really fun.
1:10:18 > 1:10:21How was your night?
1:10:21 > 1:10:23Yeah, it wasn't.
1:10:27 > 1:10:29Do you want to go to my room?
1:10:29 > 1:10:32Yes, I do. Perfect.
1:10:32 > 1:10:34Sorry, gotta go. So sorry.
1:10:34 > 1:10:37Oh, you know what? I need a napkin. Can I just borrow this one?
1:10:37 > 1:10:40Sorry. Just...quick. Thank you. Beautiful.
1:10:40 > 1:10:42So, I'm really excited to talk to you.
1:10:42 > 1:10:46I hope it's OK that I got your address from the W-4.
1:10:46 > 1:10:48- Is that weird? OK. - No.
1:10:51 > 1:10:54Oh, wow. This is cool. This is a cool space.
1:10:54 > 1:10:55- Thanks.- Cosy.
1:10:55 > 1:10:58I didn't know that... I'm sorry about everything.
1:10:58 > 1:11:00What? Oh, my God. You're sorry? Are you crazy?
1:11:00 > 1:11:04No, I'm sorry. I'm the one who's come to your house uninvited.
1:11:04 > 1:11:07So unprofessional. But I read your script.
1:11:07 > 1:11:10- And I love it. I really do.- Really?
1:11:10 > 1:11:13Yeah, and honestly, like, I didn't think that you could write,
1:11:13 > 1:11:14mainly cos you're just... so beautiful.
1:11:14 > 1:11:19- Seriously, it's distracting for me. - Thank you. For reading it.
1:11:19 > 1:11:20Yeah.
1:11:20 > 1:11:23I mean, it's just teenagers singing about homework.
1:11:23 > 1:11:25Yeah, yeah, but no, I read it and I was like,
1:11:25 > 1:11:28"God, I want to, like, drive over there and tell him in person."
1:11:28 > 1:11:30So I did. I got in my car, and here I am.
1:11:30 > 1:11:32You know, it's just... I know, it sounds crazy,
1:11:32 > 1:11:34cos now that I'm saying it out loud, it does sound crazy.
1:11:34 > 1:11:37It's not crazy. I mean, thank you for reading it.
1:11:37 > 1:11:39- No, no, no. - I e-mailed it to Megan, and...
1:11:39 > 1:11:40- No shit?- Yeah.
1:11:40 > 1:11:43- And we'll see what she says. - Wow.
1:11:43 > 1:11:45Yeah, I told her she'd be crazy to not like it.
1:11:45 > 1:11:48But then again, she is a functioning psychotic, so it's like, who knows?
1:11:48 > 1:11:50But there is this extra episode right before the break.
1:11:50 > 1:11:52And they are going to hire a freelancer, so...
1:11:52 > 1:11:54I feel like I'm talking too much about this, but...
1:11:54 > 1:11:56- Hey, do you want to...? - What?
1:11:56 > 1:11:58Yeah, sorry. What were you going to?
1:11:59 > 1:12:00Just to hang out.
1:12:01 > 1:12:04Oh. That's crazy. I was like, "What's he going to say?"
1:12:04 > 1:12:06And then you said that. It's not what I thought you were going to say.
1:12:10 > 1:12:12That is a chair.
1:12:15 > 1:12:16Fuck, yeah.
1:12:17 > 1:12:19Do I curse too much?
1:12:19 > 1:12:21Fuck, no.
1:12:36 > 1:12:39- TANNOY: Dr Anseed, 3251.- Dr Anseed...
1:12:39 > 1:12:41Hey.
1:12:44 > 1:12:46Can I say something?
1:12:46 > 1:12:48And don't take this the wrong way,
1:12:48 > 1:12:50because you know I'll be your friend, no matter what.
1:12:50 > 1:12:53It's just, you've been kind of depressing to be around lately,
1:12:53 > 1:12:57and I might start avoiding you in the hallway, that's all.
1:12:57 > 1:12:59Just thought you should know.
1:13:03 > 1:13:05So, we won't be there for the rehearsal dinner,
1:13:05 > 1:13:08but we'll definitely be there for the wedding on Saturday.
1:13:08 > 1:13:10Well, what are you doing tonight?
1:13:10 > 1:13:13Adam's episode is taping tonight, so Eli wanted to go.
1:13:13 > 1:13:16- I don't have to go. - No. No, go. Have fun, really.
1:13:16 > 1:13:18Doctors.
1:13:20 > 1:13:23- So?- Don't worry about it. I'll see you Saturday.
1:13:36 > 1:13:40- He's an amazing lover. - Oh, boy.
1:13:40 > 1:13:41That's...
1:13:41 > 1:13:43..why they call him Bones.
1:13:48 > 1:13:50You know, I worry about you sometimes.
1:13:50 > 1:13:53Why? Is this about me not having a date?
1:13:53 > 1:13:58No, no. I know you can dance alone, and I know that you'll be fine.
1:13:58 > 1:14:00You're always fine.
1:14:00 > 1:14:03- So?- I don't know.
1:14:05 > 1:14:08When we lost your father, I couldn't stand to see you in pain,
1:14:08 > 1:14:12and... I think you knew that.
1:14:14 > 1:14:18And I think that...you got good at being strong for me.
1:14:20 > 1:14:23But I'm telling you, be hurt.
1:14:23 > 1:14:25I can take it.
1:14:28 > 1:14:30The world can take it.
1:14:35 > 1:14:36OK.
1:14:36 > 1:14:39SNORING
1:14:39 > 1:14:40Very pretty here.
1:15:53 > 1:15:55So come by the bar. Great place.
1:15:55 > 1:15:57Bring your friends. I will take care of you.
1:15:57 > 1:16:00Here's my business card. I'm the owner. Me.
1:16:00 > 1:16:02- So make sure you come by. - Yeah.
1:16:02 > 1:16:04All right? Hey. Great job.
1:16:04 > 1:16:06Yeah, great job, man. Really good, yeah.
1:16:06 > 1:16:10- You guys liked it? Like really?- Yeah.
1:16:10 > 1:16:12- But Wallace cried.- So?
1:16:12 > 1:16:14It reminded me of my senior prom.
1:16:14 > 1:16:17I got a hand job on the dance floor to "Who Let The Dogs Out".
1:16:18 > 1:16:21Hey. Sorry. OK, so there's good news, bad news.
1:16:21 > 1:16:24The bad news is, Megan is remarkably drunk.
1:16:24 > 1:16:26Seriously, she was, like, trying to take her shirt off.
1:16:26 > 1:16:28But the good news is, she wants to put you on staff.
1:16:28 > 1:16:30- Really?- So... Yeah.
1:16:30 > 1:16:32- That's amazing. - Yeah, so she... Yeah.
1:16:32 > 1:16:34- Thank you. - So, you're a paid writer.
1:16:34 > 1:16:36Yeah.
1:16:36 > 1:16:39Oh, my God. She's getting on the buffet table? That makes...
1:16:39 > 1:16:41Wow.
1:16:41 > 1:16:42Why are you not trying to fuck that girl?
1:16:42 > 1:16:43Yeah.
1:16:43 > 1:16:47Yeah, she's crazy hot, Adam. She's like a sexy scientist.
1:16:47 > 1:16:50You need to go over there, man up, you need to go for it.
1:16:50 > 1:16:52We're counting on you here, man. Man up, man!
1:16:52 > 1:16:55- Go for it! Man up! - You keep saying "Man up".
1:16:55 > 1:16:58- You cried during the show. - I liked the show.
1:17:01 > 1:17:02Yeah.
1:17:02 > 1:17:04It was very good. It was OK.
1:17:04 > 1:17:06You know, I have to... One minute.
1:17:10 > 1:17:12Katie?
1:17:12 > 1:17:15The bridesmaids had pot.
1:17:15 > 1:17:18Oh, my God, I'm so hungry.
1:17:18 > 1:17:20Are you, OK?
1:17:20 > 1:17:24I'm fine, I just... You know, I just...
1:17:24 > 1:17:26Oh, God, I just love Kevin.
1:17:26 > 1:17:29I just love Kevin so much, you know?
1:17:29 > 1:17:33- I know you think it's stupid. - No. No, I don't.
1:17:33 > 1:17:35- You don't? - No.
1:17:40 > 1:17:42I can't stop thinking about him.
1:17:42 > 1:17:45Who? Adam?
1:17:47 > 1:17:51Yeah. I know it's over, and I'm looking.
1:17:51 > 1:17:55It's just no-one is as...
1:17:55 > 1:17:57- Tall?- He's so tall.
1:17:57 > 1:17:59So tall... And he's so, like...
1:17:59 > 1:18:03- Happy?- Annoyingly happy, all the time.
1:18:04 > 1:18:07But he has this...
1:18:09 > 1:18:11He has the best heart.
1:18:15 > 1:18:17- Call him.- What? No.
1:18:17 > 1:18:18I can't just call him.
1:18:18 > 1:18:20I'm too stoned. Don't argue with me.
1:18:20 > 1:18:22He doesn't want me to call him.
1:18:22 > 1:18:24I'm the bride. You have to do what I say.
1:18:24 > 1:18:26- We haven't talked in months. - I'm the bride, it's my day.
1:18:26 > 1:18:28It's my day!
1:18:29 > 1:18:30Hey, Adam!
1:18:30 > 1:18:33Oh, God.
1:18:33 > 1:18:35You're so dope. Did you know that about yourself?
1:18:35 > 1:18:37Mama needs to get a cab home, so...
1:18:37 > 1:18:39- Yeah.- Shoot, I left my phone in my office...
1:18:39 > 1:18:41I got it, I got it. Hang on. Here.
1:18:41 > 1:18:42- Do you want to call and just...?- Yeah.
1:18:42 > 1:18:44What are you doing?
1:18:44 > 1:18:48Chuck! Chuck! Will you please fuck off? Please?
1:18:48 > 1:18:49I don't want to go. Yeah, all right.
1:18:49 > 1:18:51I don't want to go home.
1:18:51 > 1:18:53- PHONE RINGS - I don't want to go home. - Who is it?
1:18:54 > 1:18:58"Do Not Call Her" is calling. Do you want to take it?
1:19:12 > 1:19:13Hello?
1:19:13 > 1:19:16Hi.
1:19:16 > 1:19:19It's Emma. Kurtzman.
1:19:19 > 1:19:21From Camp Weehawken.
1:19:24 > 1:19:28Yes... What is it?
1:19:28 > 1:19:33So, my sister is getting married in Santa Barbara tomorrow, and...
1:19:34 > 1:19:37I don't know. I heard your show is tonight. Congratulations.
1:19:37 > 1:19:39Thank you.
1:19:41 > 1:19:46I know this is random. I just...
1:19:46 > 1:19:48I miss you. I miss you so much.
1:19:50 > 1:19:51OK.
1:19:53 > 1:19:56I don't know what to say.
1:19:56 > 1:19:59You're... You're calling me because you're at your sister's wedding,
1:19:59 > 1:20:01and she looks happy, and...
1:20:01 > 1:20:04...everyone is happy, and you're not.
1:20:06 > 1:20:09I thought... I don't know what I thought. I just...
1:20:09 > 1:20:13I... I guess I wanted to hear your voice.
1:20:14 > 1:20:17- I mean, I know we broke up, but...- Emma.
1:20:18 > 1:20:22We didn't break up. We never started.
1:20:24 > 1:20:27I gotta go. I'm still at work, so...
1:20:28 > 1:20:32Have fun at the wedding, and tell your sister congratulations.
1:20:33 > 1:20:34Bye.
1:20:43 > 1:20:45Oh, fuck.
1:20:53 > 1:20:54I have to...
1:20:54 > 1:20:56Go. Now.
1:21:01 > 1:21:04- Hey. Can I?- Hey. Of course.
1:21:05 > 1:21:07Is everything OK? Are you...?
1:21:07 > 1:21:09Yeah.
1:21:09 > 1:21:12- Yeah.- Yes.- Yeah.- Good.
1:21:12 > 1:21:14- This is amazing.- Yeah.
1:21:14 > 1:21:16Thank you for this. This...
1:21:16 > 1:21:18- What?- This was all you.
1:21:18 > 1:21:22- What?- No, I mean... No, I'm not here without you.
1:21:22 > 1:21:25That's... That's not true. It's all you.
1:21:25 > 1:21:27It's all you. This was all you.
1:21:29 > 1:21:32Hey, wait! If you don't make it back for my wedding, I'll kill you.
1:21:32 > 1:21:33Bye. Drive safe.
1:22:27 > 1:22:29No, but that was you, and it felt poignant
1:22:29 > 1:22:31that, of course, the song was "It Was You".
1:22:31 > 1:22:34- When Benji and Sari did the kiss... - They committed to it.
1:22:34 > 1:22:37That's what hit. Do you think they could remix the song?
1:22:37 > 1:22:40How drunk was Megan? She tried to hump my leg.
1:22:40 > 1:22:42You have no idea, the stories that I could tell you.
1:22:42 > 1:22:45- No, she really tried to like mount it.- Yeah, I know.
1:22:48 > 1:22:50Yeah, I got it.
1:22:52 > 1:22:54Ornery thing.
1:23:11 > 1:23:14Hey. How'd it go? Did you find him?
1:23:14 > 1:23:19Yeah. He was with...with a girl. It was his girlfriend.
1:23:20 > 1:23:22And I was in a bush.
1:23:22 > 1:23:23- Oh.- Yeah.
1:23:23 > 1:23:25Crap.
1:23:27 > 1:23:30- Are you still there? - Yeah.
1:23:30 > 1:23:32OK, get in your car and drive away.
1:23:32 > 1:23:33And how much money do you have on you?
1:23:36 > 1:23:38Like ten bucks.
1:23:38 > 1:23:41OK. The box of 50 doughnut holes is 5.79.
1:23:42 > 1:23:45You're going to need two boxes.
1:23:45 > 1:23:46I lost him.
1:23:46 > 1:23:48- I'm so sorry.- Yeah.
1:23:50 > 1:23:53- I love you.- I know.
1:23:55 > 1:23:58So, then when I was, like, 11, I was in therapy
1:23:58 > 1:24:01because I was, like, obsessively biting my hair,
1:24:01 > 1:24:04and then three months in, my therapist died.
1:24:04 > 1:24:06- I know, so that was kind of a bummer.- Whoa.
1:24:06 > 1:24:08But, yeah. That's why I hate planes.
1:24:10 > 1:24:11Thanks.
1:24:11 > 1:24:13- So, that's that story.- Cheers.
1:24:13 > 1:24:14Thank you.
1:24:21 > 1:24:22- I'm so sorry.- No...
1:24:22 > 1:24:24- That was such a fail on my part.- It's OK...
1:24:24 > 1:24:26- Wait, let me...- It's fine.
1:24:26 > 1:24:28We can... I can do better than that.
1:24:28 > 1:24:30- Can we try again? - Sure. Mulligan.
1:24:30 > 1:24:32- Let's... Why don't we? - OK.
1:24:39 > 1:24:43Oh, my God. This is happening. This is really happening.
1:24:43 > 1:24:45Oh, my God. You're touching me. This is so happening.
1:24:45 > 1:24:48Maybe we don't need to talk about everything.
1:24:48 > 1:24:51Oh. OK, great. OK. Cool.
1:24:53 > 1:24:55Wait. Are you sure that you want to do this, though?
1:24:57 > 1:24:59Yes. Yeah.
1:24:59 > 1:25:01OK, cos, like, we can just talk about it, if you want...
1:25:01 > 1:25:04- Let's not talk about it. - Oh, OK. OK.
1:25:04 > 1:25:07Wait. Should I take my shirt off, or do you want to...
1:25:07 > 1:25:08Do you want to take it off yourself?
1:25:08 > 1:25:11- I'll take it off.- You know what? I'll take it off.
1:25:11 > 1:25:13OK.
1:25:16 > 1:25:18Glad I wore a good bra.
1:25:18 > 1:25:20PHONE RINGS
1:25:20 > 1:25:23Is that your phone? Do you want to?
1:25:23 > 1:25:24We'll just ignore it.
1:25:24 > 1:25:26You can just get it.
1:25:26 > 1:25:29No, it's fine.
1:25:31 > 1:25:35- Is it "Do Not Call Her?"- No.
1:25:35 > 1:25:36I don't know.
1:25:38 > 1:25:40Wait. I'll just...
1:25:40 > 1:25:41OK. I'll just shut it off.
1:25:41 > 1:25:44Yeah, just... That'll be easier, switch...
1:25:48 > 1:25:50- Sorry.- Yeah.
1:25:50 > 1:25:51Vanessa?
1:25:56 > 1:25:59- I'm coming.- You're what?
1:26:03 > 1:26:06It's my dad. There's an emergency. He's in the hospital.
1:26:06 > 1:26:09Oh, my God. OK. Do you want me to go with you?
1:26:09 > 1:26:12- No, I'm OK.- OK.
1:26:12 > 1:26:14- Can I call you later? - Yeah. No, I'll get a cab.
1:26:14 > 1:26:17I'll, like, find my way home. Go. Yeah.
1:26:31 > 1:26:35# Keep, keep bleedin' love
1:26:35 > 1:26:38# Keep bleedin' I keep, keep bleedin'... #
1:26:38 > 1:26:39PHONE BEEPS
1:26:52 > 1:26:54Hey. Where is he? What happened?
1:26:54 > 1:26:55OK.
1:26:55 > 1:26:57Don't freak out, OK?
1:26:59 > 1:27:00Your dad overdosed on cough syrup.
1:27:00 > 1:27:04- He what? - The Purple Drank.
1:27:04 > 1:27:06"The Purple Drank"?
1:27:06 > 1:27:10It's Seven-Up, cough syrup and a Jolly Rancher.
1:27:11 > 1:27:14Why would he do that, Vanessa?
1:27:14 > 1:27:16Because he loves Lil Wayne, OK?
1:27:16 > 1:27:18You don't know everything about your dad.
1:27:18 > 1:27:22Why are you making him listen to Lil Wayne?
1:27:22 > 1:27:26- You should be taking care of him. - I can't do this. I can't do it.
1:27:26 > 1:27:28You know, I didn't think that it was going to be so...
1:27:30 > 1:27:33I don't want to have kids. I... I just... I want to have fun.
1:27:35 > 1:27:40- He's so old. - Yeah. He's getting older.
1:27:40 > 1:27:43And you're going to have to deal with that.
1:27:44 > 1:27:48Adam... old people scare me.
1:27:50 > 1:27:52Let's just go see him, OK?
1:27:52 > 1:27:55No, no, no. I can't. I can't. Adam, I can't. I've gotta go.
1:27:55 > 1:27:59My friend, she's having a party. I'm already so late.
1:28:01 > 1:28:02Will you just take Freckles?
1:28:07 > 1:28:12Don't take this the wrong way, but you're a terrible person.
1:28:12 > 1:28:14Just take Freckles.
1:28:42 > 1:28:44Hey, Dad.
1:28:47 > 1:28:49Hey, kiddo.
1:28:51 > 1:28:54- I had a bad trip on The Drank. - Yeah, I heard.
1:28:58 > 1:29:01If anybody asks, this is a Seeing Eye dog.
1:29:04 > 1:29:06- Where's...?- She went home.
1:29:08 > 1:29:09Right.
1:29:11 > 1:29:15I really don't like the Little Wayne. Can't understand what he's saying.
1:29:16 > 1:29:19You know who I wish was here right now?
1:29:19 > 1:29:21Your mum.
1:29:21 > 1:29:24Yeah. Well, you left her, so...
1:29:27 > 1:29:28Why?
1:29:29 > 1:29:32When you're married and you do blow...
1:29:33 > 1:29:36..try to stay away from women who want to fuck you.
1:29:36 > 1:29:38Even ugly women.
1:29:38 > 1:29:41Blow is blind, Adam. Blow is blind.
1:29:42 > 1:29:44You're an asshole.
1:29:44 > 1:29:46But you're not.
1:29:47 > 1:29:50You got a good heart, Adam. Try to keep it.
1:29:52 > 1:29:55Where's that girl, Emma? You guys still together?
1:29:57 > 1:30:01- We were never together. - Oh, that's right. Friends...
1:30:02 > 1:30:05Sex friends... I'm old. I don't know what you call it.
1:30:05 > 1:30:06You liked her.
1:30:10 > 1:30:12She drives me crazy.
1:30:16 > 1:30:20I'm 58 years old. I've been married three times.
1:30:20 > 1:30:21Twice.
1:30:22 > 1:30:23OK.
1:30:23 > 1:30:28I've got six pictures of my cock on my phone,
1:30:28 > 1:30:29and two of someone else's,
1:30:29 > 1:30:31and I'm still pretty high on the cough syrup,
1:30:31 > 1:30:34so you can take this with a grain of salt, but...
1:30:34 > 1:30:38we don't pick who we fall in love with.
1:30:38 > 1:30:40And it never happens like it should.
1:30:43 > 1:30:45Yes.
1:30:45 > 1:30:49I may have to kill this dog. I just haven't decided how.
1:30:54 > 1:30:56Get some sleep, Dad.
1:30:58 > 1:31:01I'll call you in the morning.
1:31:09 > 1:31:11He'll call in the morning.
1:31:13 > 1:31:15Isn't that something?
1:31:16 > 1:31:18Am I boring you?
1:31:18 > 1:31:19Oh, good.
1:31:32 > 1:31:34PHONE RINGS
1:31:34 > 1:31:36Adam!
1:31:36 > 1:31:41Hey. You can't call me and tell me that you miss me.
1:31:41 > 1:31:44I don't want to have that conversation on the phone.
1:31:44 > 1:31:47So you can't text me and you can't e-mail me,
1:31:47 > 1:31:51and you can't... write on my wall.
1:31:51 > 1:31:53Like, if you really miss me, you need to grow up
1:31:53 > 1:31:56and get in your car and come and see me.
1:31:57 > 1:31:58I'm here.
1:32:07 > 1:32:08How did... How did you know that?
1:32:08 > 1:32:12Shira texted me about your dad, so I came here.
1:32:17 > 1:32:19You got...
1:32:21 > 1:32:22How is your dad?
1:32:23 > 1:32:25- He's OK.- Good.
1:32:27 > 1:32:31- I know I can't just call you. - No. You can't.
1:32:31 > 1:32:35I know. I hurt you. I'm sorry.
1:32:36 > 1:32:40I don't know why I wasted so much time pretending I didn't care.
1:32:40 > 1:32:45I guess I just didn't want to feel like this.
1:32:45 > 1:32:46It hurts.
1:32:48 > 1:32:51But I love you. I'm totally and completely in love with you,
1:32:51 > 1:32:54and I don't care if you think it's too late, I'm telling you anyway.
1:33:00 > 1:33:02- Will you please say something?- Wait.
1:33:05 > 1:33:07You should know...
1:33:10 > 1:33:12..if you come any closer,
1:33:12 > 1:33:14I'm not letting you go.
1:33:25 > 1:33:28- I love you. - That's good.
1:33:36 > 1:33:38You want to go with me to this stupid thing?
1:33:38 > 1:33:42Your sister's wedding thing?
1:33:43 > 1:33:45How long do we have till we have to be there?
1:33:45 > 1:33:48A couple hours.
1:33:48 > 1:33:52- What do you want to do? - Something crazy.
1:34:02 > 1:34:05Now I know why you never wanted to have breakfast with me.
1:34:05 > 1:34:06What?
1:34:06 > 1:34:10You eat like a baby dinosaur. You don't even chew.
1:34:11 > 1:34:14Do you think you can get used to it?
1:34:14 > 1:34:15Yeah, I think so.
1:34:15 > 1:34:18Good. I was hoping we could do this a lot more.
1:34:18 > 1:34:21Really? You know, I was thinking...
1:34:21 > 1:34:24We're going to have to come up with some new rules.
1:34:24 > 1:34:27I'd like to start calling you "honey" and "babe."
1:34:27 > 1:34:30- I don't know about "babe."- No?
1:34:31 > 1:34:33- Snuggling?- Oh, yeah.
1:34:33 > 1:34:38- I'm going to hold your hand. - Wow. This is all moving so fast.
1:34:38 > 1:34:41Also, I'd like to leave the door open when I pee.
1:34:44 > 1:34:45I think no.
1:34:45 > 1:34:49I think I'm going to do it all the time. It's going to get weird.
1:35:10 > 1:35:13- Thank God we're on time.- Yeah.
1:35:29 > 1:35:31So what happens now?
1:35:59 > 1:36:02- Adam should be here any minute. - Good, cos I'm starving.
1:36:02 > 1:36:06So, you've told him about us.
1:36:07 > 1:36:09- No, not yet.- What?
1:36:11 > 1:36:12I thought I'd wait till he got here.
1:36:15 > 1:36:18- And that's a good idea? - Yeah, it'll be fine.
1:36:18 > 1:36:21So, to Burning Man?
1:36:21 > 1:36:23- Was that fun, or what?- So fun.
1:36:23 > 1:36:25Dad!
1:36:25 > 1:36:27Eli!
1:36:27 > 1:36:28This is her! This is Patrice!
1:36:28 > 1:36:31Hi, it's so nice to see you again.
1:36:31 > 1:36:35- We love you already! - Come on, family hug!
1:37:24 > 1:37:27Shira, I feel like there are parts of me that I haven't explored yet.
1:37:27 > 1:37:31And I'm feeling like I want to see other people.
1:37:31 > 1:37:33Oh, I thought... This is embarrassing.
1:37:33 > 1:37:36I have been seeing other people, Sam.
1:37:36 > 1:37:39- You have? - Yeah, a lot of other people.
1:37:39 > 1:37:40How many?
1:37:40 > 1:37:42I don't know, man. I mean,
1:37:42 > 1:37:44two that I can think of off the top of my head, but...
1:37:44 > 1:37:47- You remember when I went to Cabo?- Yeah.
1:37:47 > 1:37:50- I was a very bad girl on that trip. - You're kidding me?
1:37:50 > 1:37:51You're doing great.
1:37:51 > 1:37:53Keep pushing.
1:37:53 > 1:37:54Oh, God.
1:37:54 > 1:37:56I've got the ice chips, honey. Here you go.
1:37:56 > 1:37:59Oh, I hate you, you dumb fuck! Get the fuck out...
1:37:59 > 1:38:02- You eat the fucking ice chips! - I love you so much.
1:38:04 > 1:38:06Come on. It's OK.