West Is West

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0:00:17 > 0:00:22This film contains very strong language.

0:00:29 > 0:00:30Chalo.

0:00:34 > 0:00:37Do two basket potatoes, then phone a fish man.

0:01:01 > 0:01:02- Hello, Mrs.- Hello.

0:01:02 > 0:01:03Hello, Mrs! HE CHUCKLES

0:01:24 > 0:01:26- All right, Charlie?- Hiya.

0:01:40 > 0:01:43I'll go, all right? Just leave me here. I promise I'll go in.

0:01:43 > 0:01:46You think I stupid? I not your mam, mister.

0:01:46 > 0:01:49I give you to teacher and he bloody walk you in a school.

0:01:49 > 0:01:53SCHOOL BELL RINGING

0:01:54 > 0:01:56Mr Khan.

0:01:56 > 0:01:58SPEAKING URDU

0:01:58 > 0:01:59Uh...

0:02:00 > 0:02:03Go with your teacher and stay in the school. Or I bloody fixing you.

0:02:03 > 0:02:04Don't worry, Mr Khan.

0:02:09 > 0:02:12- Come here, you Paki bastard!- Get him!

0:02:15 > 0:02:17ALL EXCLAIM

0:02:20 > 0:02:21Oh, no.

0:02:23 > 0:02:25Nowhere to run now, Kid Curry.

0:02:25 > 0:02:26HE GRUNTS

0:02:28 > 0:02:30THEY LAUGH

0:02:33 > 0:02:35- Oi, Gunga Din!- Oh, shit!

0:02:38 > 0:02:40To me, boy. To me.

0:02:41 > 0:02:44Kya bloody baje do you call this to be leaving us?

0:02:44 > 0:02:45Sir?

0:02:45 > 0:02:50The baje, lad! The skenning time. Can you not speak Urdu?

0:02:50 > 0:02:52No. I'm English, sir.

0:02:54 > 0:02:59Rawalpindi. Do you know Rawalpindi, Khan? Pakistan?

0:02:59 > 0:03:00Never been, sir.

0:03:00 > 0:03:04I was stationed out there just before the outbreak of hostilities in '39.

0:03:04 > 0:03:07Khushi thi bahut it were and all.

0:03:08 > 0:03:10Can you show me Pakistan on that map, Khan?

0:03:18 > 0:03:20Poland.

0:03:20 > 0:03:21Switzerland.

0:03:21 > 0:03:23Prestatyn.

0:03:23 > 0:03:26Never mind. Sit yourself down, lad.

0:03:27 > 0:03:31Tropical warfare. Not a pretty sight.

0:03:32 > 0:03:34The jungle is a killer.

0:03:34 > 0:03:37You get bitten by the wrong type of mosquito out there

0:03:37 > 0:03:39and before you know it, elephantitis.

0:03:41 > 0:03:42Testicles swell up the size of mangoes

0:03:42 > 0:03:44- and explode.- Really, sir?

0:03:45 > 0:03:49Two-minute check in the morning, just to be sure.

0:03:49 > 0:03:52Remember that, Khan, if you're ever in the tropics.

0:03:52 > 0:03:55- I will, sir. Two minutes, sir. - But don't linger, lad.

0:03:55 > 0:03:57Or you'll go blind.

0:03:57 > 0:03:58JORDAN CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:03:58 > 0:04:00Your ignorance is a crime, Khan.

0:04:02 > 0:04:04I shall endeavour to remedy it.

0:04:08 > 0:04:12"He sat, in defiance of municipal orders,

0:04:12 > 0:04:14"astride the gun Zam-Zammah

0:04:14 > 0:04:19"on the brick platform opposite the old Ajaib-Gher,

0:04:21 > 0:04:26"the Wonder House, as the natives call the Lahore Museum."

0:04:26 > 0:04:28HE GRUNTS, INHALES DEEPLY

0:04:28 > 0:04:30It's a pungent place, Khan.

0:04:31 > 0:04:33Pungent. Sultry.

0:04:33 > 0:04:35Sir?

0:04:35 > 0:04:38Does it not conjure up the heat for you, lad? Eh?

0:04:38 > 0:04:40Can you not smell those spices?

0:04:43 > 0:04:45I can when my dad makes a curry.

0:04:46 > 0:04:47HE GRUNTS

0:04:50 > 0:04:53I can't make head nor bleedin' tail of this. It's all squiggles.

0:04:53 > 0:04:55GEORGE: Is it in Urdu?

0:04:55 > 0:05:00No. Maneer's writing. A chimpanzee with a crayon would be clearer.

0:05:00 > 0:05:01- ANNIE:- Give it here. - Can I go out now?

0:05:01 > 0:05:04GEORGE: You go nowhere. It's a letter from your brother in Pakistan.

0:05:04 > 0:05:08- "Salam alaikum."- Wa alaikum salam.

0:05:08 > 0:05:09What do you say?

0:05:11 > 0:05:13- Wa alaikum as-salam. - "Hiya, all.

0:05:13 > 0:05:16"Everyone here in Pakistan sends you their salams."

0:05:16 > 0:05:19Wa alaikum salam.

0:05:19 > 0:05:21- Hey!- It's only a letter.

0:05:21 > 0:05:24I'll letter you in a minute, baster. He's your brother.

0:05:24 > 0:05:28You should show respect to him. He in Pakistan!

0:05:30 > 0:05:31Wa alaikum as-salam.

0:05:31 > 0:05:34GEORGE: All my family in Pakistan happy.

0:05:34 > 0:05:36Because Maneer is there, you see?

0:05:36 > 0:05:38Yeah, I'll say. He took enough cash for them.

0:05:38 > 0:05:41"It's got dead hot over here at the moment.

0:05:41 > 0:05:43"And I've been working my

0:05:46 > 0:05:48"bullocks"?

0:05:48 > 0:05:50George just bought a new pair for you-know-who.

0:05:50 > 0:05:53- What she say? - Bought Mrs Khan number one

0:05:53 > 0:05:55a new pair of bullocks, have you, George?

0:05:55 > 0:05:57- First she's seen in years. - STIFLING LAUGHTER

0:05:57 > 0:05:59GEORGE: Oh, stupy.

0:05:59 > 0:06:02All work farm together. See? Sharing.

0:06:02 > 0:06:04If I'd have known I'd be sharing me bullocks,

0:06:04 > 0:06:05I wouldn't have married him in the first place.

0:06:05 > 0:06:10It's a man's job, see, Annie? Having to be strong.

0:06:10 > 0:06:11Holding like this.

0:06:11 > 0:06:13ROLLING R's

0:06:14 > 0:06:17It's good. Maneer working in the fields.

0:06:17 > 0:06:20All my family, see? He just like them.

0:06:20 > 0:06:24Just like a Pakistani. He can do, in'it?

0:06:24 > 0:06:25Why didn't you buy him a tractor?

0:06:28 > 0:06:30Why are you always a bloody stupy?

0:06:37 > 0:06:40"Who holds Zam-Zammah, that fire-breathing dragon,

0:06:40 > 0:06:42"holds the Punjab."

0:06:42 > 0:06:44Bollocks to the Punjab!

0:06:48 > 0:06:50HE SIGHS

0:06:59 > 0:07:00MOUTHING

0:07:27 > 0:07:28INAUDIBLE

0:07:35 > 0:07:37So what part of India are you from then, Shanti?

0:07:37 > 0:07:38Oh, me dad, he's from Paki...

0:07:38 > 0:07:40Um, Pakidilistan.

0:07:40 > 0:07:43- Oh! - It's a very spiritual place.

0:07:43 > 0:07:45You know, these look good on you.

0:07:45 > 0:07:49Oh, yeah, you were right. Mmm, I find them really relaxing.

0:07:49 > 0:07:52They're considered sacred in my father's country.

0:07:52 > 0:07:55- He sounds dead spiritual, your dad. - Mmm.

0:07:55 > 0:07:57(He's practically Gandhi.)

0:07:57 > 0:07:59BOTH CHUCKLE

0:07:59 > 0:08:01Do you think these are good for me chakras?

0:08:02 > 0:08:05Oh, aye, yeah. It, um,

0:08:05 > 0:08:08transen-tit-ises them.

0:08:08 > 0:08:09BOTH CHUCKLE

0:08:09 > 0:08:12You know, I give mine a good going-over every night.

0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Which is a blast.- Shanti...

0:08:16 > 0:08:18All right, our Tariq?

0:08:19 > 0:08:21What the fuck are you doing here?

0:08:21 > 0:08:23That doesn't sound very Pakidilistani now, does it?

0:08:24 > 0:08:27- I've come to see our Nazir. - He's in Bradford buying stock.

0:08:27 > 0:08:30- Why aren't you at school? - We're on a trip. It's half day.

0:08:30 > 0:08:32And I've spent my bus money on chips. I need...

0:08:32 > 0:08:35- Whoa. You spent your money on chips? - Yeah.

0:08:35 > 0:08:37We've got a fucking chippy at home, you knobhead.

0:08:37 > 0:08:39Out now.

0:08:41 > 0:08:43- Just my little brother. - All right?

0:08:43 > 0:08:46- Hiya. What's your name? - Ravi Shankar.

0:08:47 > 0:08:49Bye!

0:09:17 > 0:09:19That's the little bastard.

0:09:20 > 0:09:24- Mr Jordan, what's happening? - I'll kill him, baster.

0:09:24 > 0:09:27Life, oh, best beloved, is difficult for all men,

0:09:27 > 0:09:30especially when we go from being a man cub to a man,

0:09:30 > 0:09:32and walk in a man's world.

0:09:44 > 0:09:48- Baster! You make me ashamed! - George, you've made your point.

0:09:48 > 0:09:52- Point? I'll pucking kill him! Baster!- That's enough, George.

0:09:52 > 0:09:54Not even his bloody brothers gave me trouble with the police.

0:09:54 > 0:09:56- Yeah, and where are they now? - Sajid.

0:09:56 > 0:09:58I hate you! Why don't you just fuck off?

0:09:59 > 0:10:01What you... What you say to me?

0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Get off me!- Stop it!

0:10:03 > 0:10:05Get away from me, you dirty Paki bastard!

0:10:05 > 0:10:07You want to know why I don't want to go to school?

0:10:07 > 0:10:09It's 'cause they all know you're a fucking Paki!

0:10:39 > 0:10:41You listen to me.

0:10:41 > 0:10:44I don't care what your dad does.

0:10:44 > 0:10:48Don't let me ever catch you using that word to him again.

0:10:48 > 0:10:51- But he started it. - Never! Do you hear me?

0:10:51 > 0:10:54I've had enough of this behaviour and it's got to stop.

0:10:55 > 0:10:56It will stop.

0:11:04 > 0:11:07- ELLA:- It's the kids at school, George. The name-calling he gets.

0:11:08 > 0:11:11How can my son say this to me?

0:11:14 > 0:11:16Maybe he doesn't want to...

0:11:17 > 0:11:20- To be a Pakistani? - I'm not saying that.

0:11:20 > 0:11:22But you're meaning this.

0:11:22 > 0:11:24Is same with all my children.

0:11:24 > 0:11:26Now all bloody English.

0:11:26 > 0:11:29Well, so am I. Or have you forgotten that?

0:11:29 > 0:11:32You always take their side against me. Why?

0:11:32 > 0:11:35I your husband. You should support me.

0:11:35 > 0:11:38- I'm still here with you, aren't I? - It's no same thing.

0:11:38 > 0:11:40Christ, George, what do you want from me?

0:11:40 > 0:11:42I no want it go wrong again.

0:11:43 > 0:11:46Ella, he my last one.

0:11:46 > 0:11:48This has to be done.

0:11:48 > 0:11:49I know.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53Don't mean I like it, though.

0:11:53 > 0:11:57He not know who he is. Not know who I am.

0:11:58 > 0:12:02I tell you, he listen to me this time. I bloody show him.

0:12:07 > 0:12:10See? Bloody lovelies.

0:12:14 > 0:12:15Pakistan.

0:12:22 > 0:12:24- Yours?- All mine.

0:12:25 > 0:12:30Check. Check. Check. Check.

0:12:30 > 0:12:32Check!

0:12:32 > 0:12:33Yeah. Dead funny.

0:12:42 > 0:12:44ALL CHATTERING

0:12:44 > 0:12:46Uncle! Over here! Here, here.

0:12:51 > 0:12:54- Salam alaikum. - Wa alaikum as-salam.

0:12:54 > 0:12:56- Everything OK? - Good, good, good.

0:12:56 > 0:13:00ALL GREET IN PUNJABI

0:13:02 > 0:13:05WOMAN CHATTERING

0:13:05 > 0:13:07Salam alaikum.

0:13:07 > 0:13:09Are you daft? She not with us.

0:13:09 > 0:13:11SPEAKS SHARPLY IN PUNJABI

0:13:19 > 0:13:21ALL LAUGH

0:13:25 > 0:13:26SHOUTS IN PUNJABI

0:13:32 > 0:13:35- Sajid. You go other car. POPPA:- I take care. Come.

0:13:57 > 0:13:59- Have you been to our chip shop? - No.

0:13:59 > 0:14:02I been your chippy chop. I live in Bradford.

0:14:02 > 0:14:05One year. Work in bloody mill.

0:14:05 > 0:14:08Were bloody horrible. I bloody come back here quick.

0:14:08 > 0:14:11I you cousin. You daddy is my chacha. Uncle.

0:14:11 > 0:14:13My mummy, your daddy's sister.

0:14:13 > 0:14:14I'm your first cousin.

0:14:14 > 0:14:17- But I'm married to your sister, Rehana.- Who?

0:14:17 > 0:14:20Oh, your dad's other daughter, isn't it? From his proper...

0:14:20 > 0:14:23You know, his first wife.

0:14:23 > 0:14:26- He related to us also as well. - My daddy, his chacha. Uncle.

0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Yeah, yeah. - My grandmother's sister was married

0:14:29 > 0:14:31- to your grandfather's cousin. - Got it?

0:14:43 > 0:14:45CHATTERING IN PUNJABI

0:15:02 > 0:15:03Camel!

0:15:05 > 0:15:07It's a camel!

0:15:08 > 0:15:10Loads of them! Camels!

0:15:10 > 0:15:12ALL LAUGH

0:15:20 > 0:15:23PUNJABI MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO

0:15:23 > 0:15:26HE SINGS ALONG IN PUNJABI

0:15:40 > 0:15:41MEN GRUNT

0:15:41 > 0:15:46Wedge. Tanvir, wedge, wedge. Needing wedge for wedging.

0:15:52 > 0:15:55ALL GRUNT

0:16:17 > 0:16:18HORN HONKS

0:16:26 > 0:16:28Home.

0:16:29 > 0:16:31EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE, MOOING

0:16:45 > 0:16:46SHE SOBS

0:16:57 > 0:16:58Rehana.

0:17:27 > 0:17:29Are they all related to us?

0:17:58 > 0:17:59GEORGE CHUCKLES

0:18:09 > 0:18:11Maneer, Sajid.

0:18:14 > 0:18:16Take these out.

0:18:33 > 0:18:36- What have you come here for? - Blackpool were fully booked.

0:18:36 > 0:18:38Well, I'm not looking after you. I'm going home soon.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40Don't have to. We're only here for a few weeks.

0:18:40 > 0:18:42He's come to sort out your engagement.

0:18:42 > 0:18:44He'll be lucky. No one will fucking have me.

0:18:44 > 0:18:46Can't think why.

0:18:47 > 0:18:49Did me mam not send me Nana Mouskouri tapes?

0:18:49 > 0:18:51Then again...

0:18:51 > 0:18:54Oh, great! I love this album.

0:18:55 > 0:18:57Ain't she beautiful?

0:18:57 > 0:18:59Poof.

0:19:46 > 0:19:50MUSIC: "Over and Over" by Nana Mouskouri

0:19:59 > 0:20:01Maneer!

0:20:02 > 0:20:04Maneer!

0:20:04 > 0:20:06- DISTANTLY:- What? - Where are you?

0:20:12 > 0:20:13We sleep up here.

0:20:14 > 0:20:17He dragged me all the way from Salford to sleep on a fucking roof?

0:20:17 > 0:20:20Some people might say that were a step up.

0:20:20 > 0:20:21I need the bog.

0:20:25 > 0:20:28- Help yourself. - Shit in a field?

0:20:28 > 0:20:31Not the fields. They like you to go in the scrub.

0:20:31 > 0:20:33Bit fucking choosy, aren't they?

0:20:40 > 0:20:44# Over and over I whisper your name

0:20:44 > 0:20:48# Over and over I love you again

0:20:48 > 0:20:52# I see the light of love in your eyes

0:20:52 > 0:20:55# Love is forever No more goodbyes... #

0:21:00 > 0:21:01DOOR OPENS

0:21:33 > 0:21:35CLEARS THROAT WEARILY

0:22:10 > 0:22:12DISTANT CLANKING

0:22:14 > 0:22:16- SAJID:- Maneer.

0:22:16 > 0:22:17Maneer!

0:22:20 > 0:22:22- What? - What's that noise?

0:22:23 > 0:22:25It's the djinn.

0:22:25 > 0:22:28- The what?- A ghost that lives down by the stream.

0:22:28 > 0:22:31- Fuck off. - I'm not kidding.

0:22:31 > 0:22:33He's letting you know he knows you're here.

0:22:33 > 0:22:35Fuck off.

0:22:35 > 0:22:38Just make sure you're not down there of a night-time by yourself.

0:22:38 > 0:22:41- Why? - Djinns can possess you.

0:22:42 > 0:22:44- You see anybody, just look at his feet.- Why?

0:22:44 > 0:22:47'Cause a djinn's feet will be on backwards.

0:22:49 > 0:22:51Night-night!

0:22:59 > 0:23:02- What are you doing now? - Checking for elephant balls.

0:23:05 > 0:23:08ROOSTER CROWS

0:23:21 > 0:23:25Oi! Come. Eat breakfast.

0:23:35 > 0:23:38It's paratha. Good for you. Eat.

0:24:07 > 0:24:11She made tea too sweet for her.

0:24:11 > 0:24:13She always bloody doing it.

0:24:13 > 0:24:14LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

0:24:19 > 0:24:23Everything OK? Home? Everybody happy?

0:24:23 > 0:24:26Probably are, now my dad isn't there.

0:24:26 > 0:24:30Hey, you be no cheeky, huh?

0:24:30 > 0:24:33I hear what you up to in England.

0:24:34 > 0:24:37I go be keeping very close eye on you.

0:24:37 > 0:24:39I not take bloody any trouble from you.

0:24:39 > 0:24:40Fuck off, you fat twat.

0:24:42 > 0:24:45Hey! Come here!

0:24:45 > 0:24:48- STAMMERING:- I'll tell your father about this, man!

0:24:48 > 0:24:50HE STAMMERS

0:24:55 > 0:24:57Why you wearing that?

0:24:57 > 0:24:59- 'Cause I want to. - Well, take it off.

0:24:59 > 0:25:02You said it were for Pakistan.

0:25:02 > 0:25:05I no bloody mean now. It's too hot wearing this thing.

0:25:05 > 0:25:07Where are the Pakistani clothes I gave you?

0:25:07 > 0:25:08I'm not wearing them.

0:25:08 > 0:25:11Why not? You looking smart like us?

0:25:11 > 0:25:13I've already told you what you look like.

0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Go put on.- No.

0:25:19 > 0:25:21- Go, baster, put on!- No.

0:25:21 > 0:25:24I warn you, mister... CLATTERING

0:25:32 > 0:25:33Go.

0:25:42 > 0:25:46All this, mine. Here, all the way back to village.

0:25:46 > 0:25:49Uh, except that bit there on the right.

0:25:50 > 0:25:53- Is mine from my father. - TUTTING:- Not much, eh?

0:25:54 > 0:25:59- All family work together, see? - Yes, this is all for family.

0:25:59 > 0:26:03All the time I send money. Buy more land. All for family.

0:26:05 > 0:26:06And I working all land.

0:26:06 > 0:26:09GEORGE: All for family. For future, you see.

0:26:09 > 0:26:11POPPA CHUCKLES

0:26:39 > 0:26:42FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

0:26:42 > 0:26:43PIR NASEEM SINGS IN HINDI

0:26:46 > 0:26:47- GROAN:- Oh...

0:27:02 > 0:27:06CHATTER IN PUNJABI

0:27:06 > 0:27:09MEN LAUGH

0:27:16 > 0:27:18- Popular, isn't he? - So was Hitler.

0:27:20 > 0:27:22CHILDREN CHANT LESSONS IN PUNJABI

0:27:24 > 0:27:25POPPA SPEAKS PUNJABI

0:27:28 > 0:27:30Grundig C 6000 Automatic.

0:27:30 > 0:27:32Automatic VHF fine-tuning.

0:27:32 > 0:27:34SPEAKS PUNJABI

0:27:34 > 0:27:37..compact tape recorder. Automatic recording.

0:27:37 > 0:27:38HE STAMMERS

0:27:38 > 0:27:41Short wave, medium wave, long wave.

0:27:41 > 0:27:43- All waves.- Always.

0:27:43 > 0:27:46POPPA SPEAKING PUNJABI

0:27:46 > 0:27:48See? They're having a party.

0:27:50 > 0:27:51Here.

0:27:54 > 0:27:57HE CHUCKLES

0:27:57 > 0:28:00Sajid? Come here.

0:28:05 > 0:28:06Master-ji Eyaz.

0:28:07 > 0:28:09Say, "Salam alaikum".

0:28:09 > 0:28:11- Salam alaikum. - Wa alaikum as-salam.

0:28:14 > 0:28:16And this is Pir Naseem.

0:28:17 > 0:28:19We've met.

0:28:19 > 0:28:23Ah, yes, yes! We have met! HE LAUGHS

0:28:23 > 0:28:26We have been waiting for your father's return for a long time.

0:28:26 > 0:28:30Your mummy, Basheera, and your sisters are very happy.

0:28:30 > 0:28:31She's not me mam.

0:28:31 > 0:28:35- Like mum though, isn't it? - It's not.

0:28:35 > 0:28:37Is in Pakistan.

0:28:37 > 0:28:39Me mam's me mam, Pakistan or Salford.

0:28:39 > 0:28:41- Sajid. EYAZ:- I have a brother in England.

0:28:41 > 0:28:46He works in the mill, in Ramsbottom. Do you know Ramsbottom?

0:28:46 > 0:28:49Ramsbottom? Is there such a place, Sajid?

0:28:49 > 0:28:51I don't know.

0:28:51 > 0:28:54And if there were, would you freely admit to coming from it?

0:28:54 > 0:28:57HE SNIGGERS, GRUNTS IN DISAPPROVAL

0:28:57 > 0:29:01Your father wishes to entrust me with your spiritual and academic education

0:29:01 > 0:29:04- here in Pakistan.- You what?

0:29:04 > 0:29:07You're going to bloody school, isn't it?

0:29:08 > 0:29:10You said it was a holiday!

0:29:10 > 0:29:12- Baster, don't you start that with me. - You can't make me.

0:29:12 > 0:29:15I didn't want to come to this fucking dump in the first place!

0:29:15 > 0:29:18I in charge here. Your mum not here now.

0:29:18 > 0:29:21She doesn't need to be. You've got a slave here already.

0:29:23 > 0:29:25- Sajid! Sajid! MANEER:- Sajid!

0:29:28 > 0:29:30Sajid.

0:29:30 > 0:29:33Carry on the way you're going, you'll be here a lot longer than you think.

0:29:33 > 0:29:35Fuck off! Just fuck off!

0:29:52 > 0:29:55You can fuck off and all, Mowgli.

0:29:58 > 0:30:00Are you deaf, twat head?

0:30:09 > 0:30:13SINGS IN HINDI

0:30:16 > 0:30:17Come with me.

0:30:49 > 0:30:51Here. Dead peoples.

0:30:51 > 0:30:53- You want looky? - Yeah, all right.

0:30:58 > 0:31:00Bloody Nora! Dead bodies!

0:31:00 > 0:31:02Who are they?

0:31:02 > 0:31:05I think perhaps they're Moghul soldiers. You know Moghul soldiers?

0:31:05 > 0:31:08Fighting here, long time ago.

0:31:08 > 0:31:11- Your English is all right.- Hmm?

0:31:11 > 0:31:13- ENUNCIATING:- I mean, you speak good English.

0:31:13 > 0:31:17Better than you, yes. I do, true. Pir Naseem's teaching me.

0:31:18 > 0:31:20You speak Punjabi?

0:31:20 > 0:31:22- No.- Speak.

0:31:22 > 0:31:24- It's not very good. - Speaking, speaking.

0:31:24 > 0:31:26EXHALES UNCERTAINLY

0:31:28 > 0:31:31No, no, no. Don't say these words. Very bad words.

0:31:31 > 0:31:32Who say these words?

0:31:32 > 0:31:35Me dad on the phone. You know, the telephone.

0:31:35 > 0:31:38CURSES IN PUNJABI, THEY LAUGH

0:31:40 > 0:31:43ALL GREET IN PUNJABI

0:31:43 > 0:31:46Maneer, you be respectful all the time.

0:31:46 > 0:31:48- Right, Dad.- And you,

0:31:48 > 0:31:50say nothing.

0:31:50 > 0:31:53No touch anyone. No look anybody.

0:31:53 > 0:31:54MALE WORKER: Maneer!

0:32:02 > 0:32:03Why don't you just try?

0:32:03 > 0:32:06You know I can't speak Pun-fucking-jabi.

0:32:06 > 0:32:09Sajid! Answer him.

0:32:09 > 0:32:10Chigi-chigi-chigi!

0:32:10 > 0:32:11All right! Fucking hell.

0:32:16 > 0:32:17Bloody stupy!

0:32:17 > 0:32:19REPEATS SAME PHRASE IN PUNJABI, GRUNTS IN ANNOYANCE

0:32:25 > 0:32:26- Where you going?- What?

0:32:26 > 0:32:28In.

0:32:28 > 0:32:31REPEATS SAME PHRASE IN PUNJABI

0:32:31 > 0:32:33SCOLDS IN PUNJABI

0:32:33 > 0:32:37REPEATS SAME PHRASE IN PUNJABI

0:32:38 > 0:32:40GOAT BLEATS, REPEATS SAME PHRASE IN PUNJABI

0:32:49 > 0:32:51Ah, this is the one.

0:32:51 > 0:32:54Are you sure, Dad? It was 30-odd years ago.

0:32:54 > 0:32:57He was good friend. He at my wedding.

0:32:59 > 0:33:02Abdullah! Jahangir.

0:33:04 > 0:33:06He's a good boy.

0:33:07 > 0:33:09She would live in England,

0:33:09 > 0:33:13my wife will welcome her into our home as if she were her own daughter.

0:33:14 > 0:33:16You are my friend, Jahangir.

0:33:17 > 0:33:22But there cannot be marriage between my daughter and your son.

0:33:22 > 0:33:25- But why? - I mean you no disrespect.

0:33:27 > 0:33:29But in England your life is

0:33:29 > 0:33:31different.

0:33:31 > 0:33:33Different from whose?

0:33:33 > 0:33:36Girls here marry in England all the time.

0:33:36 > 0:33:38Your own eldest daughter lives in England now.

0:33:38 > 0:33:40I said YOUR life, Jahangir.

0:33:53 > 0:33:54I take it that were a "no", then.

0:33:56 > 0:34:00No one want their daughter marry you. I bloody ashamed!

0:34:00 > 0:34:01Dad.

0:34:02 > 0:34:06Oh! I'll just find me own way back, then, shall I?

0:34:06 > 0:34:08It's not like I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere, is it?

0:34:11 > 0:34:13All right! Chigi-chigi-chigi!

0:34:13 > 0:34:14ALL LAUGH

0:34:20 > 0:34:22DOOR OPENS

0:34:46 > 0:34:48Are you all right, Dad?

0:34:52 > 0:34:54It's all your fault, baster.

0:34:56 > 0:35:00You and you family pucking giving me trouble all the time.

0:35:03 > 0:35:06Why you no go to your mam?

0:35:06 > 0:35:08Get out of my house.

0:35:09 > 0:35:11I no want you here.

0:35:12 > 0:35:13Go home!

0:35:13 > 0:35:15You no belong here.

0:35:15 > 0:35:17You always said we do belong here.

0:35:17 > 0:35:19- Go! - What's changed your mind now, eh?

0:35:20 > 0:35:22Don't talk to me like this.

0:35:22 > 0:35:24You swan around here like nothing's ever happened.

0:35:24 > 0:35:26Jahangir Khan, the King of England, returned.

0:35:26 > 0:35:29- Shut up! Shut up! - Too near the truth, is it?

0:35:30 > 0:35:32You make me laugh.

0:35:32 > 0:35:34Bringing Sajid here to teach him a lesson?

0:35:34 > 0:35:36I warn you, mister.

0:35:36 > 0:35:37What were you going to teach him, eh, Dad?

0:35:37 > 0:35:40How to dump his wife and kids for 30 fucking years?

0:35:42 > 0:35:44It's not me your friends won't let their daughters marry.

0:35:44 > 0:35:46It's you.

0:35:46 > 0:35:48Get out!

0:36:07 > 0:36:09HE URGES STEER

0:36:10 > 0:36:12I mean, he's dead Pakistani and everything, our Maneer is.

0:36:12 > 0:36:15You can't fault him on that.

0:36:15 > 0:36:17It's difficult.

0:36:18 > 0:36:19And he's not THAT ugly.

0:36:20 > 0:36:23- People worried.- What about?

0:36:23 > 0:36:24HE GRUNTS

0:36:24 > 0:36:26Go on. Tell me.

0:36:27 > 0:36:31They think he will be like his father.

0:36:32 > 0:36:36That maybe he will leave his wife here and marry English woman.

0:36:36 > 0:36:39- Like your father did. - Maneer wouldn't do that.

0:36:40 > 0:36:43Tanvir and Rehana tell people this will happen.

0:36:43 > 0:36:45They don't want you or Maneer to live here.

0:36:45 > 0:36:47I don't fucking want to live here!

0:36:48 > 0:36:51They say your father will give all the lands to his son,

0:36:51 > 0:36:53and his daughters nothing.

0:36:53 > 0:36:57Is that what all this is about? Who gets left what?

0:36:57 > 0:37:00They say you're not Pakistani. Only half.

0:37:00 > 0:37:02- And this is bad. - Bad for me, all right.

0:37:02 > 0:37:05I keep getting my fucking head kicked in for it in England.

0:37:05 > 0:37:07What a pair of bastards!

0:37:09 > 0:37:12Fuck 'em. And me dad. I'll find Maneer a wife.

0:37:12 > 0:37:14- SCOFFS:- You?- Yeah.

0:37:15 > 0:37:18He's good enough for any of them around here.

0:37:18 > 0:37:21Bit of a twat, mind. But, you know, I'll fucking show 'em.

0:37:21 > 0:37:24- You can't do this.- Yeah, I can.

0:37:24 > 0:37:26You're gonna help me.

0:37:26 > 0:37:27Sajid!

0:37:28 > 0:37:29Baster.

0:37:29 > 0:37:31Sajid!

0:37:31 > 0:37:34He's a long way from home, Jahangir.

0:37:34 > 0:37:38He learn. Is why I bring here.

0:37:38 > 0:37:39Sajid!

0:37:41 > 0:37:44He run wild in England.

0:37:44 > 0:37:46- He's just a boy. - You don't know him, Pir-ji.

0:37:48 > 0:37:50He not know who he is.

0:37:50 > 0:37:53All he know is he hate me.

0:37:53 > 0:37:56- It's time he needs. - He have that here, huh?

0:37:57 > 0:38:00Master-ji Eyaz will teach him everything else.

0:38:00 > 0:38:04You brought him here to teach him about your life.

0:38:04 > 0:38:06Let him discover it for himself.

0:38:06 > 0:38:07And if he no like what he sees?

0:38:07 > 0:38:09What if you don't like what you see?

0:38:12 > 0:38:15Send the boy to me. I'll settle him down.

0:38:16 > 0:38:19Then he will be ready for Master-ji Eyaz and his books.

0:38:19 > 0:38:21He needs discipline.

0:38:21 > 0:38:23Then, with your permission,

0:38:23 > 0:38:25I'll beat him regularly.

0:38:27 > 0:38:29WOMEN CHATTER

0:38:38 > 0:38:41In Pakistan, they've got the juiciest mangoes in the world.

0:38:41 > 0:38:44What's that got to do with getting Maneer a wife?

0:38:44 > 0:38:48- Mangoes grows on trees, and a woman...- Oh!

0:38:48 > 0:38:51When we pick a woman, we have to remember how we pick mangoes.

0:38:51 > 0:38:53Yank them off a branch, don't you?

0:38:53 > 0:38:57You have to take time. Pick the ripest fruit.

0:38:57 > 0:39:01Best size, soft skin, but firm to touch.

0:39:01 > 0:39:03And then, give them a little squeeze.

0:39:03 > 0:39:05They'd chop me bleeding hands off if you get caught.

0:39:05 > 0:39:07Yeah.

0:39:07 > 0:39:09What about her?

0:39:10 > 0:39:13Too old. Left on trees too long.

0:39:13 > 0:39:15And the one in the red?

0:39:15 > 0:39:19Too much colour. Too much sun. Very sour inside.

0:39:19 > 0:39:21And the one next to her?

0:39:21 > 0:39:23No. Taubah, taubah, taubah.

0:39:23 > 0:39:25Never, never, never pick up fallen mangoes.

0:39:27 > 0:39:31She shouts all the time. Talks too much. Listens to the radio all night.

0:39:32 > 0:39:33I think she makes a very bad wife.

0:39:33 > 0:39:36Turned you down, did she?

0:39:36 > 0:39:38Yeah.

0:39:38 > 0:39:40Have you, uh, ever had it off? Shut up!

0:39:40 > 0:39:43Now get a move on. Pir Naseem's waiting.

0:39:44 > 0:39:47- What kind of woman do you fancy? - Shut up!

0:39:47 > 0:39:50- I'm only asking, that's all. - It's none of your business.

0:39:50 > 0:39:52'Cause if people knew, they'd know what to look for, wouldn't they?

0:39:52 > 0:39:54Come on, will you?

0:39:54 > 0:39:57Tall, small? Dark, light? With plait, without plait?

0:39:58 > 0:40:02- Get a move on. - I'm not going. He's madder than me.

0:40:02 > 0:40:06OK. Make your own flippin' mind up. I've had enough.

0:40:19 > 0:40:21Hello? Anyone there?

0:40:22 > 0:40:24Hello!

0:40:24 > 0:40:28FLUTE PLAYS DISTANTLY

0:40:45 > 0:40:46You're early.

0:40:46 > 0:40:48- I'm not staying. - You don't have to.

0:40:49 > 0:40:51You're supposed to teach me something, aren't you?

0:40:51 > 0:40:53What do you want to know?

0:41:01 > 0:41:04Never make friends with an elephant keeper

0:41:04 > 0:41:07if you have no room in your house to entertain his elephant.

0:41:08 > 0:41:10What's that supposed to mean?

0:41:10 > 0:41:14If you're not staying, what's the point in telling you?

0:41:20 > 0:41:21Not very good, are you?

0:41:22 > 0:41:23No.

0:41:25 > 0:41:26I never have been.

0:41:27 > 0:41:31But it occupies the time and helps me to think.

0:41:31 > 0:41:35And anything that stimulates thinking is a good thing.

0:41:35 > 0:41:37- What do you think about?- Oh.

0:41:38 > 0:41:40Entertaining elephants.

0:41:42 > 0:41:43HE LAUGHS

0:41:49 > 0:41:51Come. Are you afraid of an old man?

0:41:51 > 0:41:53I ain't scared of anything.

0:41:53 > 0:41:55You could be a head-the-ball, for all I know.

0:41:55 > 0:41:57- What's a "head-the-ball"?- A nutter.

0:41:57 > 0:42:00- Someone that's poggled. - Poggled. Yes, yes, yes.

0:42:00 > 0:42:03It has been said of me before. HE LAUGHS

0:42:05 > 0:42:07Head-the-ball!

0:42:17 > 0:42:20- Bleedin' hell! - That's as good a phrase as any.

0:42:22 > 0:42:26Go. Go and explore. Go on, I'll be here.

0:44:37 > 0:44:40PIR NASEEM: Time. That's time, Sajid,

0:44:41 > 0:44:44spread out before you.

0:44:44 > 0:44:46Thousands of people populated those stones,

0:44:46 > 0:44:49each one leaving a trace of themselves on the other.

0:44:49 > 0:44:52All leading to you.

0:44:52 > 0:44:53- Me?- Yes, of course.

0:44:54 > 0:44:57We're all part of the same story.

0:44:57 > 0:45:00And we, in our turn, will leave traces of ourselves, too.

0:45:01 > 0:45:05But what we leave, and how we choose to leave it,

0:45:05 > 0:45:07is entirely up to us.

0:45:07 > 0:45:10That's what makes life so interesting.

0:45:15 > 0:45:20CLATTERING

0:45:41 > 0:45:42Huh?

0:46:37 > 0:46:39SHE LAMENTS IN PUNJABI

0:46:50 > 0:46:53SHE SOBS

0:47:29 > 0:47:32We did lot of repair recently, Uncle.

0:47:32 > 0:47:36The roof, the wall was falling down. But I took care of it.

0:47:36 > 0:47:38Mmm.

0:47:38 > 0:47:41It is looking good, hai na, Uncle?

0:47:43 > 0:47:45You can go to England next week,

0:47:45 > 0:47:48with no worries about what is happening here.

0:47:48 > 0:47:50Everything is in safe hands.

0:47:52 > 0:47:55I no going back yet.

0:47:55 > 0:47:56Huh?

0:47:56 > 0:47:58POPPA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

0:48:00 > 0:48:02Time we had new house. Modern.

0:48:02 > 0:48:06New house? But Uncle, that is very expensive.

0:48:06 > 0:48:08And time. What about chippy chop?

0:48:09 > 0:48:12- I worry about time and money. - Auntie Ella in England?

0:48:15 > 0:48:17We build there.

0:48:17 > 0:48:19Pull that damn thing down.

0:48:26 > 0:48:27Here.

0:48:29 > 0:48:31Nice.

0:48:31 > 0:48:33Good.

0:48:37 > 0:48:40HINDI SONG PLAYS ON RADIO

0:48:40 > 0:48:42I think I would like to get married soon.

0:48:43 > 0:48:45- SAJID:- Me, too.

0:48:45 > 0:48:49I want... You know. Soon.

0:48:49 > 0:48:50Me, too.

0:48:53 > 0:48:55Will you get married to a Pakistani girl?

0:48:55 > 0:48:57If they all milk cows like that, I might.

0:48:59 > 0:49:01Lucky cow.

0:49:01 > 0:49:02BOTH LAUGH

0:49:04 > 0:49:07INDISTINCT CHATTER

0:49:17 > 0:49:19Oh, my God.

0:49:21 > 0:49:23- Come on.- What is it?

0:49:23 > 0:49:25It's Nana Mouskouri.

0:49:29 > 0:49:32Quick! We're gonna lose her. You take that roof, I'll take this one.

0:49:54 > 0:49:55Oh, shit.

0:50:20 > 0:50:22INAUDIBLE

0:50:54 > 0:50:56That one'll turn on you if you're not careful.

0:50:56 > 0:51:00He's right, chacha. Maybe you start off with the water buffalo?

0:51:00 > 0:51:02I know what I bloody doing.

0:51:02 > 0:51:03HE SCOFFS

0:51:07 > 0:51:11I doing this when I same size as Sajid.

0:51:14 > 0:51:17HE URGES STEER

0:51:19 > 0:51:21No, no, no.

0:51:22 > 0:51:23What a dickhead.

0:51:24 > 0:51:26HE CONTINUES URGING STEER

0:51:36 > 0:51:39- LAUGHING: See? POPPA LAUGHING:- Very good, chacha.

0:51:40 > 0:51:42GEORGE: No, no, no, no!

0:51:46 > 0:51:49Move, basters!

0:51:49 > 0:51:51GEORGE BARKS ORDERS IN GROWING FRUSTRATION

0:52:00 > 0:52:02HE SIGHS

0:52:05 > 0:52:08You are just a bit out of practice, chacha.

0:52:16 > 0:52:18I go back to house.

0:53:27 > 0:53:28HE GROANS SOFTLY

0:54:02 > 0:54:03PIR NASEEM: How does it feel?

0:54:04 > 0:54:07- Looks all right. - But how does it feel?

0:54:07 > 0:54:10Comfortable. I feel comfortable.

0:54:11 > 0:54:12Good.

0:54:13 > 0:54:16"He sat, in defiance of municipal orders,

0:54:17 > 0:54:20"astride the gun Zam-Zammah

0:54:20 > 0:54:24"on her brick platform opposite the old Ajaib-Gher,

0:54:24 > 0:54:29"the Wonder House, as the natives call the Lahore Museum."

0:54:31 > 0:54:33"Natives"?

0:54:33 > 0:54:36- What Imperialist rubbish! IMPATIENTLY:- Pir-ji!

0:54:37 > 0:54:39Very well.

0:54:39 > 0:54:43"Who holds Zam-Zammah, that fire-breathing cannon..."

0:54:43 > 0:54:45- Holds the Punjab! - Holds the Punjab!

0:54:45 > 0:54:49GEORGE DISTANTLY: Sajid! Come now!

0:54:49 > 0:54:51Come. I'll walk with you.

0:54:57 > 0:54:59He's been asking me what you've been teaching me all this time.

0:54:59 > 0:55:02- Ah? And what did you tell him? - That you won't tell me anything.

0:55:02 > 0:55:04HE LAUGHS

0:55:04 > 0:55:05Very good. Very good!

0:55:05 > 0:55:07I wish you to remain ignorant.

0:55:07 > 0:55:10He's still going on about me being more Pakistani and that.

0:55:10 > 0:55:12- You know, traditional.- Mmm.

0:55:12 > 0:55:14Your father, and many like him,

0:55:14 > 0:55:17have made better lives for themselves abroad.

0:55:17 > 0:55:19But do you think you can move to another country

0:55:19 > 0:55:23and expect to find everything the same?

0:55:23 > 0:55:26That your new world will not affect your life?

0:55:28 > 0:55:30As for tradition, well,

0:55:30 > 0:55:34I walk to my hut every night by the same path.

0:55:34 > 0:55:37Now, if a cobra decides to sit in the middle of that path,

0:55:37 > 0:55:39do I walk on and get bitten?

0:55:39 > 0:55:42Or do I take the other path and live?

0:55:43 > 0:55:48We have to adapt to the situations and worlds we find ourselves in.

0:55:48 > 0:55:49The alternative...

0:55:49 > 0:55:51Is you'll get your arse bitten by a snake.

0:55:51 > 0:55:54LAUGHING: Yes. Amongst other things.

0:55:54 > 0:55:56GEORGE: Sajid!

0:55:56 > 0:55:58Ah! Go. Your father's waiting for you.

0:56:01 > 0:56:03Have you just taught me something?

0:56:13 > 0:56:14HE GRUNTS

0:56:18 > 0:56:19EXCLAIMING

0:56:23 > 0:56:26- SAJID:- Who holds Zam-Zammah holds the Punjab!

0:56:34 > 0:56:37Who holds Zam-Zammah holds the Punjab!

0:56:38 > 0:56:39Oh!

0:56:46 > 0:56:52HE CHUCKLES

0:58:56 > 0:58:59You see all life at the Khari Sharif, Sajid.

0:58:59 > 0:59:01People from all over the world

0:59:01 > 0:59:04travel to worship at the shrine of the Saint.

0:59:04 > 0:59:07All are welcome who are in search of the light,

0:59:07 > 0:59:10no matter what path they follow.

0:59:11 > 0:59:13WHISPERING CONSPIRATORIALLY: Come. Let me show you something.

0:59:26 > 0:59:29- What's the point of this one? - What do you see?

0:59:29 > 0:59:30Nothing.

0:59:30 > 0:59:32Really?

0:59:32 > 0:59:36Is it the same rude boy who didn't like my flute playing?

0:59:37 > 0:59:41I don't know any more. I don't know what they want.

0:59:41 > 0:59:43I don't know who I'm supposed to be.

0:59:43 > 0:59:44But you still look like you.

0:59:45 > 0:59:47What needs changing?

0:59:47 > 0:59:48The boy?

0:59:48 > 0:59:50Or the world around him?

0:59:52 > 0:59:55TRADITIONAL MUSIC

1:00:34 > 1:00:36Sajid.

1:00:56 > 1:00:58Thank you for looking after him.

1:00:59 > 1:01:01Sajid needs no looking after.

1:01:01 > 1:01:04No, he has changed. I see it.

1:01:05 > 1:01:08He not the boy I brought here.

1:01:08 > 1:01:10That boy will always be there.

1:01:10 > 1:01:12You just have to learn to accept him.

1:01:14 > 1:01:17He's part of you, Jahangir.

1:01:17 > 1:01:19Of your past, your future.

1:01:19 > 1:01:22Part of the world you created for him.

1:01:24 > 1:01:26When Sajid look at you,

1:01:26 > 1:01:28there's love in his eyes.

1:01:29 > 1:01:32If only he'd do the same to me.

1:01:32 > 1:01:33Just once.

1:01:40 > 1:01:41MUSIC: "Main Ho Gaee Dildar Ki"

1:01:48 > 1:01:50HE LIP-SYNCHS LYRICS

1:02:11 > 1:02:13HORN HONKING

1:02:16 > 1:02:20MUSICIANS SING

1:02:28 > 1:02:30INAUDIBLE

1:02:31 > 1:02:32- Come on!- Where?

1:02:32 > 1:02:34We're going to a wedding.

1:02:38 > 1:02:40THEY SING

1:02:46 > 1:02:51ALL CHEER IN TIME

1:03:11 > 1:03:13Come on, now's our chance.

1:03:22 > 1:03:25- Salam alaikum. - Wa alaikum as-salam.

1:03:25 > 1:03:28- Say exactly what I say, all right? - Yeah.

1:03:28 > 1:03:29Massi-ji, I hope you do not think

1:03:29 > 1:03:32that I am being disrespectful to you or your family.

1:03:35 > 1:03:37We are from the same village.

1:03:38 > 1:03:42I am the son of Jahangir Khan. The fish fryer.

1:03:47 > 1:03:51From long way across the big water, in Salford, England.

1:03:53 > 1:03:55Near Bradford?

1:03:57 > 1:03:59THEY MURMUR IN SUDDEN COMPREHENSION

1:04:01 > 1:04:03I have seen your daughter,

1:04:03 > 1:04:05though I haven't been looking at her

1:04:05 > 1:04:07in the way that you are thinking.

1:04:07 > 1:04:09- You know... - IN LANCASHIRE ACCENT:- Aye,

1:04:09 > 1:04:11and you're gonna get yourself in heap big bleedin' trouble

1:04:11 > 1:04:13as well, pale face, if you keep following me about.

1:04:13 > 1:04:16- Where are you from?- Japan.

1:04:16 > 1:04:18Where do you think, knobhead? Rochdale.

1:04:18 > 1:04:20- What you doing here? - After a husband.

1:04:20 > 1:04:22- What about you?- After a wife.

1:04:22 > 1:04:24SPEAKS PUNJABI

1:04:24 > 1:04:26GIRLS GIGGLE

1:04:26 > 1:04:27Do you think I'm a cradle snatcher?

1:04:27 > 1:04:30I'd like to talk to your dad, actually. I've got a proposition for him.

1:04:31 > 1:04:35He's dead. Tell us. We make all the decisions now.

1:04:35 > 1:04:36CHATTERS IN PUNJABI

1:04:55 > 1:04:56SAJID URGES GOATS

1:05:03 > 1:05:04HORN HONKS

1:05:23 > 1:05:25MURMURING: Ella?

1:05:34 > 1:05:37Hiya, George. Bet I'm the last person you thought you'd see.

1:05:52 > 1:05:53SHE EXCLAIMS SOFTLY

1:05:53 > 1:05:56I knew crimplene would be wrong for this weather.

1:05:57 > 1:05:59SHE SIGHS

1:06:06 > 1:06:09Mmm! These are the best kebabs I have ever tasted.

1:06:09 > 1:06:12And I know my kebabs.

1:06:12 > 1:06:14Try them, Ella, they're bleedin' gorgeous.

1:06:16 > 1:06:19- ENUNCIATING LOUDLY: - Did you make them, love?

1:06:19 > 1:06:22I'll have to get your recipe. Swap you with one of mine.

1:06:24 > 1:06:25Has she ever had roly-poly pudding?

1:06:27 > 1:06:29Oh, no, ta, cock. I'm stuffed.

1:06:32 > 1:06:37Um... Hmm? No? No? Mmm?

1:06:43 > 1:06:45CIGARETTE LIGHTER CLICKS

1:06:47 > 1:06:50- ANNIE:- Mmm!

1:06:53 > 1:06:55CLEARS THROAT: So, Annie,

1:06:55 > 1:06:57who look after your Peter while you're here?

1:06:59 > 1:07:01- LOUDLY:- That's my husband.

1:07:03 > 1:07:05Husband.

1:07:05 > 1:07:08No, he's fine, George. I got a load of baked beans in for him.

1:07:09 > 1:07:13- ENUNCIATES LOUDLY: - My husband is bloody useless.

1:07:14 > 1:07:16- CHUCKLES:- He's only good for one thing.

1:07:16 > 1:07:18And he's never been very good at that!

1:07:18 > 1:07:19SHE SNIGGERS

1:07:21 > 1:07:23How is chippy chop?

1:07:28 > 1:07:30Shut.

1:07:31 > 1:07:34Mam?

1:07:34 > 1:07:35Maneer!

1:07:35 > 1:07:37CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY

1:07:40 > 1:07:42- Flower. Flower! - Auntie Annie.

1:07:42 > 1:07:44ANNIE GRUNTS AFFECTIONATELY

1:07:44 > 1:07:47Hello, love! Well, come here and give us a kiss.

1:07:47 > 1:07:49I've missed you!

1:07:51 > 1:07:52You look so different.

1:07:52 > 1:07:55- What are you doing here?- I...

1:07:55 > 1:07:57I've come to take you home.

1:07:57 > 1:07:59I'm not going!

1:08:01 > 1:08:02Sajid?

1:08:10 > 1:08:14So, this is where he keeps the harem, then.

1:08:14 > 1:08:15Piss off, you.

1:08:15 > 1:08:18Don't worry about Sajid, Mam. A lot's happened.

1:08:21 > 1:08:25Right! Maneer, you were gonna show me the loo?

1:08:31 > 1:08:34Uh, everything all right?

1:08:34 > 1:08:36You can make it more lighting if you wanting.

1:08:40 > 1:08:43CHUCKLES: You make me a bloody surprise seeing you here.

1:08:43 > 1:08:45Yeah?

1:08:45 > 1:08:48Think how surprised I was when I didn't see you after four weeks.

1:08:58 > 1:09:02I had it all worked out, what I was going to say to you when I saw you.

1:09:02 > 1:09:03Now I'm here,

1:09:05 > 1:09:08I don't know what I'm more angry about.

1:09:08 > 1:09:10That you've been gone months,

1:09:10 > 1:09:13or that you cleaned the bank account out.

1:09:17 > 1:09:19I needing more money for house.

1:09:19 > 1:09:21And what was I supposed to live on?

1:09:21 > 1:09:24Scotch bleedin' mist?

1:09:24 > 1:09:25A month we said, George.

1:09:25 > 1:09:28- Ella...- We agreed.

1:09:28 > 1:09:32I don't remember anyone talking about you building a bastard house out here!

1:09:32 > 1:09:34I was to go write letter, but, uh...

1:09:34 > 1:09:37Did I deserve this, did I?

1:09:37 > 1:09:40All these years, doing things your way?

1:09:40 > 1:09:44Trying to make the kids understand you.

1:09:44 > 1:09:45And you do this to me?

1:09:45 > 1:09:47What?

1:09:47 > 1:09:51- I... I only... - You made me look stupid

1:09:51 > 1:09:54- in front of everyone.- No, Ella.

1:09:54 > 1:09:57Oh, what's the bleedin' point?

1:09:57 > 1:10:02Basheera, my daughters... When I see how things are here...

1:10:02 > 1:10:06- Ella, I having to... - Or was it my turn, was it, George?

1:10:06 > 1:10:09To hang about, waiting for you to come home?

1:10:09 > 1:10:12Like that poor cow out there?

1:10:12 > 1:10:14I never mean to hurt you, Ella.

1:10:14 > 1:10:17I only come to help with Sajid. Then, uh...

1:10:19 > 1:10:20Then what?

1:10:29 > 1:10:31We'll not be here long.

1:10:31 > 1:10:33I just came for Sajid.

1:10:35 > 1:10:37- Ella...- Just leave me, George.

1:10:43 > 1:10:46HE SIGHS

1:10:54 > 1:10:56SHE SNORES FITFULLY

1:11:00 > 1:11:02SHE GRUNTS

1:11:02 > 1:11:04Annie!

1:11:06 > 1:11:07STOMACH RUMBLES

1:11:08 > 1:11:10- Annie. - LOUD GURGLING

1:11:10 > 1:11:11Oh!

1:11:11 > 1:11:13It's probably wind.

1:11:13 > 1:11:16Probably kebabs. I need the little girls' field.

1:11:16 > 1:11:18Quick!

1:11:21 > 1:11:24(Told you the food was going to be richer over here.)

1:11:25 > 1:11:27STOMACH GURGLES Ow! Ooh!

1:11:27 > 1:11:29Good Jesus tonight, that was close.

1:11:34 > 1:11:36I don't think I can hold it in any longer.

1:11:36 > 1:11:38Don't you dare shit yourself in front of this lot.

1:11:42 > 1:11:44NERVOUSLY: Hi.

1:11:44 > 1:11:46March on. Think of Salford.

1:11:46 > 1:11:47GURGLING CONTINUES

1:11:50 > 1:11:53ANNIE GROANS

1:12:12 > 1:12:14Nearly finished, Uncle, huh?

1:12:14 > 1:12:16GEORGE GRUNTS EQUIVOCALLY

1:12:17 > 1:12:19Maybe.

1:12:21 > 1:12:22Good work.

1:12:24 > 1:12:29Have you thought about what you're going to do, now it is finished?

1:12:31 > 1:12:35Only, the family were wondering if you would be staying here,

1:12:35 > 1:12:39or going back to England with Auntie Ella and the boys.

1:12:43 > 1:12:45QUIETLY: Perhaps we can't go back.

1:12:46 > 1:12:50You, the boys and Auntie, is that, Uncle?

1:12:53 > 1:12:56Maybe I should never have left.

1:13:02 > 1:13:03Uh...

1:13:16 > 1:13:18Does this look like burnt copper to you?

1:13:20 > 1:13:22More like tandoori red.

1:13:27 > 1:13:28SHE EXHALES FORCEFULLY

1:13:40 > 1:13:42- POPPA:- This house was built for everybody, you know?

1:13:42 > 1:13:46Yeah, well, I'm living in it now and will be till I decide to leave.

1:13:46 > 1:13:49- Oh, no, me mam. Here we go. Come on. - Leave them to it!

1:13:49 > 1:13:51REHANA SHOUTS

1:13:52 > 1:13:54Mam. Come on.

1:13:54 > 1:13:55- Come on, Ella, leave it.- No!

1:13:57 > 1:13:59England, is it, love? Well, don't knock it,

1:13:59 > 1:14:01'cause it's kept you for the past 30 years!

1:14:01 > 1:14:04But actually, Auntie, we have worked very hard here, isn't it, Uncle?

1:14:04 > 1:14:08You? You haven't done a hard day's work in your life, you bone-idle bastard.

1:14:08 > 1:14:11And don't you start, either, 'cause I'm ready for you as well.

1:14:20 > 1:14:21No, enough.

1:14:25 > 1:14:29She had a terrible life. A hard life with no husband.

1:14:29 > 1:14:31Do you think mine was any easier, do you?

1:14:31 > 1:14:33Watching every penny we made being sent over here,

1:14:33 > 1:14:37to buy more bleedin' land than none of my kids will ever see?

1:14:38 > 1:14:40Your kids have never seen a real father, is it, love?

1:14:40 > 1:14:42Well, nor have mine.

1:14:42 > 1:14:45They won't come near my house because of him.

1:14:45 > 1:14:47So don't you tell me what a hard life you've had,

1:14:47 > 1:14:50'cause I've had it in spades. And what have I got to show for it?

1:14:50 > 1:14:54- Nothing! Not even my kids! - Shut it! Shut up, will you?

1:15:02 > 1:15:03MOOING

1:15:26 > 1:15:28Maneer! Have you seen our Sajid?

1:15:30 > 1:15:32No!

1:15:32 > 1:15:34What matter?

1:15:34 > 1:15:37It's Sajid! He's still out in this somewhere!

1:15:42 > 1:15:45HE URGES CATTLE

1:15:48 > 1:15:51I go looking. You stay here. Go inside!

1:15:52 > 1:15:53Find him, George!

1:15:59 > 1:16:00SHUTTERS BANG

1:16:04 > 1:16:06Jesus.

1:16:13 > 1:16:14Not now.

1:16:14 > 1:16:15I can't do this now.

1:16:43 > 1:16:45Oh, you were...

1:16:47 > 1:16:49You were very beautiful.

1:16:51 > 1:16:53You,

1:16:53 > 1:16:55beautiful.

1:17:38 > 1:17:39Jahangir...

1:17:44 > 1:17:47I didn't know about you,

1:17:48 > 1:17:50either.

1:18:21 > 1:18:23I...

1:18:23 > 1:18:25I don't know what you're saying.

1:18:26 > 1:18:28But you sound very kind.

1:18:31 > 1:18:33You shouldn't be.

1:18:33 > 1:18:36He's been with me all these years,

1:18:36 > 1:18:39and I've never really asked him about you and your girls.

1:18:41 > 1:18:43I don't think I wanted to know.

1:18:45 > 1:18:47I didn't care.

1:18:48 > 1:18:50Do you understand me?

1:19:13 > 1:19:14Jahangir...

1:19:55 > 1:19:56HE SIGHS

1:19:56 > 1:19:58- OK?- Yeah, yeah.

1:19:59 > 1:20:01Open your eyes.

1:20:01 > 1:20:02HE BLOWS

1:20:07 > 1:20:09HE SIGHS

1:20:13 > 1:20:17I always wanting going those villages up there in the hills.

1:20:19 > 1:20:22And villages after them, and after them, and after them.

1:20:23 > 1:20:26No one believe I would go do this thing.

1:20:26 > 1:20:28My father laugh at me.

1:20:29 > 1:20:31And did you?

1:20:31 > 1:20:33CHUCKLES: What you thinking?

1:20:33 > 1:20:35I reckon you probably did it.

1:20:36 > 1:20:39Everyone in the village stand there and watch me go.

1:20:39 > 1:20:42I only maybe same age as you.

1:20:42 > 1:20:45Weren't you scared?

1:20:45 > 1:20:48Only when I was walking out of a village and then walking back in.

1:20:52 > 1:20:54And one day,

1:20:54 > 1:20:56I walk out and no come back.

1:21:00 > 1:21:02No see my parents again.

1:21:03 > 1:21:06Never see my children grow up.

1:21:06 > 1:21:08No see Basheera.

1:21:11 > 1:21:13It's terrible thing I do, Sajid.

1:21:16 > 1:21:18But you found your way back, didn't you?

1:21:18 > 1:21:21That's the important thing. You came back.

1:21:21 > 1:21:22HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY

1:21:28 > 1:21:29Come, let's go back home.

1:21:37 > 1:21:38Here.

1:21:50 > 1:21:51Sajid.

1:22:04 > 1:22:05Who are you waving at?

1:22:05 > 1:22:07Oh, I thought I saw Pir Naseem.

1:22:07 > 1:22:09Aye up, Mam, they're coming.

1:22:13 > 1:22:15Quick, bend.

1:22:15 > 1:22:17Mam!

1:22:17 > 1:22:19He'll be more impressed with three.

1:22:19 > 1:22:21He'd better be,

1:22:21 > 1:22:24'cause I'm only going to be turning the bleedin' tap on in England.

1:22:28 > 1:22:29All right, Sajid?

1:22:31 > 1:22:33All right, Nelly? This is our Maneer.

1:22:33 > 1:22:35All right, Maneer?

1:22:35 > 1:22:38- NERVOUSLY:- Yeah. Yeah, hiya.

1:22:38 > 1:22:41- STAMMERING:- I mean, salam alaikum. - Wa alaikum salam.

1:22:41 > 1:22:43Been here long have you?

1:22:43 > 1:22:45Um, about...

1:22:46 > 1:22:48Year or so, eh, Maneer?

1:22:48 > 1:22:49Yeah, year or so.

1:22:49 > 1:22:51And you're looking to get married, I hear.

1:22:52 > 1:22:54- Am I? - TENSELY:- Yes, you are.

1:22:54 > 1:22:56- Yes, I am.- So am I.

1:22:58 > 1:23:00- Did he say...- Is he all there,

1:23:00 > 1:23:02- or does he want it in sign language?- Sorry.

1:23:02 > 1:23:05- STAMMERING:- Excuse me, I've got...

1:23:05 > 1:23:09Oi! I've got three pots on me head, you know!

1:23:12 > 1:23:15- So what do you think, then? - I love a decisive man, me.

1:23:15 > 1:23:18- Is that a yes, then? - Not pushy or owt, are you?

1:23:19 > 1:23:21You better bring him round to meet me mam.

1:23:21 > 1:23:23Now sod off so I can get rid of these bleedin' pots

1:23:23 > 1:23:24before they do me neck in.

1:23:25 > 1:23:27Yes!

1:23:30 > 1:23:32Who is she? Where does she come from? How do you know her?

1:23:32 > 1:23:35Her name's Neelam Haqq. She's from Rochdale

1:23:35 > 1:23:36- and she works in the dentist's. - What else?

1:23:36 > 1:23:38She's got nice teeth, ain't she?

1:23:38 > 1:23:39She's not engaged or married or owt, is she?

1:23:39 > 1:23:42Keep your hair on. I've arranged for everything, all right?

1:23:42 > 1:23:44We'll go and meet her mam, who I know quite well,

1:23:44 > 1:23:46so I don't foresee any problems.

1:23:51 > 1:23:54So does she meet with your satisfaction, or shall I tell her you don't fancy her?

1:23:54 > 1:23:56No! I like her. She looks...

1:23:56 > 1:23:58She looks like...

1:23:58 > 1:23:59I know.

1:23:59 > 1:24:01I'm great, me, aren't I?

1:24:09 > 1:24:10DOOR CREAKS

1:24:15 > 1:24:16Well, come in, if you're coming in.

1:24:22 > 1:24:24Uh... HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

1:24:24 > 1:24:28I wanted, uh, ask you

1:24:28 > 1:24:29for help me.

1:24:31 > 1:24:33Oh, yeah?

1:24:33 > 1:24:36Maneer, he tell me he see girl in village.

1:24:37 > 1:24:39Our Sajid said.

1:24:39 > 1:24:43He ask if possible arrange engagement.

1:24:46 > 1:24:48Will you come with me?

1:24:48 > 1:24:50If you think it'll help.

1:24:51 > 1:24:53Yeah?

1:24:53 > 1:24:54HE SIGHS

1:24:56 > 1:25:00All years in England, I think about Pakistan.

1:25:01 > 1:25:03Wife and the children.

1:25:03 > 1:25:05You don't have to say anything.

1:25:05 > 1:25:07No, Ella.

1:25:07 > 1:25:08All years I send money,

1:25:10 > 1:25:11I think I good man,

1:25:13 > 1:25:15look after family here.

1:25:16 > 1:25:19But I not really think about them. You know?

1:25:21 > 1:25:24What happening. How their lives are.

1:25:26 > 1:25:27When I bring Sajid here,

1:25:29 > 1:25:31when I see them,

1:25:31 > 1:25:34it make me feel so bad inside.

1:25:36 > 1:25:39It make me feel like I wanting die.

1:25:41 > 1:25:43Is why I stay here so long.

1:25:44 > 1:25:46I ashamed myself.

1:25:46 > 1:25:48I know, George.

1:25:49 > 1:25:51VOICE BREAKING: You good woman, Ella.

1:25:53 > 1:25:55Always looking after me,

1:25:55 > 1:25:57believing in me.

1:25:59 > 1:26:02Even when people call you name on a street

1:26:02 > 1:26:04because you are with a Pakistani man.

1:26:06 > 1:26:08I see how they make you feel.

1:26:10 > 1:26:13But you never care.

1:26:13 > 1:26:15STIFLING SOBS: You take my arm and walk with me.

1:26:17 > 1:26:19And I treat you like this.

1:26:21 > 1:26:24I sorry. I'm... I wrong.

1:26:26 > 1:26:27HE CRIES SOFTLY

1:26:31 > 1:26:32George.

1:26:33 > 1:26:35I love you, Ella.

1:26:40 > 1:26:43I love you, too, you daft bugger.

1:26:46 > 1:26:48BOTH CRY SOFTLY

1:26:51 > 1:26:53CHILDREN SHOUT EXCITEDLY

1:26:58 > 1:27:02INDISTINCT

1:27:07 > 1:27:10- Salam alaikum, Ji. - GEORGE: Wa alaikum as-salam.

1:27:15 > 1:27:16BREATHING DEEPLY

1:27:16 > 1:27:20Oh, God. I didn't think you were gonna come.

1:27:20 > 1:27:22Hot, isn't it? Did you find it hot when you got here?

1:27:22 > 1:27:26I was sweating cobs, me, when I first came. Weren't I, Mam?

1:27:26 > 1:27:29Drenched in it, I was. I know your Sajid were and all.

1:27:29 > 1:27:32Oh, he's dead nice, him, isn't he? I bet he's a handful, though.

1:27:32 > 1:27:36Told me all he'd been up to. God, what a little bleeder...

1:27:36 > 1:27:38Sorry. I'm dead nervous, me. I just run off at the mouth

1:27:38 > 1:27:40- like I'm doing now. - CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

1:27:41 > 1:27:43- HESITANTLY:- Mrs Khan?

1:27:43 > 1:27:45Oh, God! "Mrs Khan"!

1:27:45 > 1:27:47I'll be Mrs Khan and all, soon!

1:27:47 > 1:27:50Funny that, isn't it? Mrs Khan number two.

1:27:50 > 1:27:52Uh, three.

1:27:52 > 1:27:54Oh, yeah? 'Cause of, um...

1:27:56 > 1:27:57Thingmebob.

1:28:05 > 1:28:06Very good.

1:28:37 > 1:28:41ALL CHEER

1:29:02 > 1:29:04INDISTINCT

1:29:04 > 1:29:07ALL CHEER

1:29:08 > 1:29:09INDISTINCT

1:30:49 > 1:30:51HE SIGHS

1:31:59 > 1:32:01BOTH BID FAREWELL

1:32:07 > 1:32:09BASHEERA CHATTERS INDISTINCTLY

1:32:22 > 1:32:23Thank you very much.

1:32:45 > 1:32:47Write to me, knobhead.

1:32:51 > 1:32:53Sajid.

1:32:53 > 1:32:55Who holds Zam-Zammah...

1:32:58 > 1:32:59Holds the Punjab.

1:33:50 > 1:33:52You all right, Eunice?

1:33:52 > 1:33:53Ah, ta.

1:33:53 > 1:33:57Eh, my lot can't get enough of your kebabs, Annie.

1:33:57 > 1:33:58Well, it's an old family recipe.

1:34:01 > 1:34:02Isn't it, George?

1:34:02 > 1:34:03Uh-huh.

1:34:05 > 1:34:06Want a cup of tea?

1:34:07 > 1:34:09I'll have a half a cup.