0:00:51 > 0:00:53Sweetheart, remember that you're doing pickup today
0:00:53 > 0:00:55and you need to call the face painter for the party.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- Oh, and Henry needs more Lactaid. - All right. Got it.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Pick up the kids, call the face painter, get Lactaid. I got it.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02I'm gonna drop by the new house
0:01:02 > 0:01:03- and see how the work's coming.- Oh, OK, awesome.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Can you make sure that you measure the backyard for the bouncy castle?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08We're gonna have a bouncy castle at our birthday party?
0:01:08 > 0:01:09- Do you want a bouncy castle?- Yeah.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Then, yes, we'll have the best bouncy castle in the whole world!
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- Bouncy castle! Bouncy castle! . - And an Ultimate Fighting Octagon?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Uh... I don't know about that. But, hey, you talked to me!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20I was talking to Mommy.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22You talked to me by saying that. Why does she have such a problem?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24It's just a phase.
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Sweetheart, it hurts Daddy's feelings
0:01:25 > 0:01:27when you give him the silent treatment.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I'm ready for school, I'm ready for school! Pick me up, pick me up!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33All right. Hey, Henry, you know you can't bring Arthur to school.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34But he's my best friend.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37He's your best lizard friend. You've got lots of non-lizard friends.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Not really.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Really?
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Nope.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- Oh. All right, have a good day. I love you.- You're kidding me!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46You can't take that to school, monkey. Go put that in your room.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47Sam, I will see you. I love you.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- BLOWS RASPBERRY Sam.- Hey.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51- What? Yeah, oh, golly, OK.- See you.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Thanks. Love you.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55DOOR BANGS
0:01:59 > 0:02:01There he is!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Hey, Randy. How you doing?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07- Gregory Focker!- How's it going?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- Wonderful to see you. - Great to see you.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I just came by to check out the backyard and measure
0:02:11 > 0:02:14'cause we want to do a bouncy castle for the kids' birthday party.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Aw. That's terrific, Gregory.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- OK, you're about five minutes late.- Yeah, I know.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35A Miss Denslow from the administrative board called.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37She wants to get a list of the budget cuts.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39You have a meeting in 20 minutes with John Raider
0:02:39 > 0:02:42and some drug rep from Pfosten Pharmaceuticals
0:02:42 > 0:02:44is waiting in your office. Andi something.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- There's a drug rep in there? - Mmm-hmm.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50(SIGHS) OK, look, in three minutes, pop your head in and tell me I have
0:02:50 > 0:02:51to go to my next meeting. All right?
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Sorry, I got to make this really quick. I got a very busy morning.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59I understand, Nurse Focker. I'm Andi Garcia.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Oh, hi.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02You have a lot less stubble in person.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I'm... There's an actor named Andy Garcia.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Who?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Widow's peak. Sort of tough guy.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15I was just kidding. Of course, I know who Andy Garcia is.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16I get that all the time.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Yeah. You must get it all the time 'cause you're named Andi Garcia.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I loved the article you wrote in the AMA Journal,
0:03:22 > 0:03:23"Putting Patients First."
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- You read that?- I loved it.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28It was so cool getting a nurse's perspective on the health care crisis.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Yeah, that was the idea.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I actually started out as a nurse, myself.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Really? Oh, well, nowadays, I do less nursing and more...
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Annoying meetings with drug reps you'd rather not deal with?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Hey, Greg, it's time for your next meeting.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- I'm fine, Kristen. Thank you. - Yeah, but he doesn't like to wait. You know how he is, you know.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Well, it's John Raider?
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Yeah, he's really picky...
0:03:46 > 0:03:49He always runs late. Always runs late. Thanks.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- You're swamped. No, I'm good. - You want to have a seat?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Yeah. I'll make this quick.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57So we are launching a killer new product at Pfosten
0:03:57 > 0:04:01and, while we usually hire doctors to lead our presentations,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I have a feeling about you.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08I think you have the potential to be a medical superstar.
0:04:08 > 0:04:14And you'd be perfect to represent our new drug, Sustengo.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19Ah. Sustengo. All right. It's an erectile dysfunction medicine.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21It's not just any erectile dysfunction medicine.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25It's the first ED pill on the market safe for heart patients.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29Because, in addition to increasing the penile blood flow...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31See that penis?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33It acts as a beta blocker
0:04:33 > 0:04:36to keep the heart rate down during intercourse.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38I mean, how dope is that?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- CHUCKLES - That's pretty dope.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42WOMAN ON PA: Nurse Focker needed in room 220 B, stat.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43I'm sorry, hang on one second.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Nurse Focker, room 220 B.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47ANDROVSKY: Will you get out of my ass?
0:04:47 > 0:04:51- If you would stop squirming around...- You don't know what you're doing.- It could have been over, sir.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Hey, hey, hey, How you doing there, Mr Androvsky? Everything OK?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Well, this nurse is a barbarian.- OK, I'm not a barbarian.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57He keeps clenching and I can't make an insertion.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- Louis, it's...- It's a natural response to protect that cavity.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01You're right, it is a natural response.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I would protect my cavity, too. And we just got to do it a little bit gentler.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06May I suggest something?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Sir, why don't you extend your left leg
0:05:09 > 0:05:11and put your right knee right up to your chest.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13It'll help relax things down there.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15She's right.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17You just do that and you just grab the side of the bed there,
0:05:17 > 0:05:18like that, and exhale...
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Nurse, did you sufficiently lubricate the nozzle?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- I did do that.- Great.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- Good, good, OK. You got this?- Yep.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26All right. Take a nice deep breath.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28INHALES DEEPLY
0:05:28 > 0:05:32And focus on relaxing your anus.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Right. That's right. You just want to let it dilate,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39sort of like a flower opening up.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Blossoming lotus.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Sort of like a desert cactus.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Maturing.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46ANDROVSKY GROANS
0:05:46 > 0:05:49It's OK. Just a little, friendly visitor just saying hello.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52All right, I'm just gonna stick it in a little further.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Oh!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Good smooth insertion.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57Thank you.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01I'm gonna release the clamp. And let it flow.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03(SIGHS) Better.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04How's that?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06That was great.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Nice technique.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12That was so fun.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Yeah, yeah.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17I was thinking about it and, honestly,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I just don't have time to moonlight pitching a drug right now.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Shot down. (LAUGHS)
0:06:21 > 0:06:22No, it's not you. It's just...
0:06:22 > 0:06:24No, I get it, you know.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Running nursing in med-surge is a big job.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Yeah, yeah, so big, I'm making less than I did when I was in the ER.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Look, we are sponsoring a convention at the Hilton.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Mmm-hmm.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37You can make tons of dough for, like, one speech.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Think about it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41OK. I will, I'll think about it. OK.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Knuckles?
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Knuckles.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46That was bad-ass, by the way.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Yeah. Literally.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Dr Bob.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Scumbag.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Jack, my taxi's here.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Oh, honey, I just got off with Deb.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30They are officially separated.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Dr Bob finished moving out.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34That lowlife.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- Yeah. You can say that again.- You sure you don't want me to come with you?
0:07:37 > 0:07:41No, you know, I think Deb needs a little mother-daughter time, honey. All right?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Having an affair with a nurse. I can't believe
0:07:43 > 0:07:45- I didn't see the warning signs.- He was very discreet.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50She didn't even know until she saw those text messages. Whatever you call them.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Yeah, but I'm trained to detect that sort of behaviour, honey,
0:07:52 > 0:07:54and the truth is I was so busy putting Focker through the wringer,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Dr Bob slipped right under my radar.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Well, I'll never let that happen again.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Are you having one of your little heart palpies again, Jack?
0:08:05 > 0:08:07My muscles are a little tight!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09- Yeah, yeah.- From stress.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13I can see that. OK, will you just, please, just relax, OK?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Everything is gonna be all right. Honest.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16TAXI HORN HONKING
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Oh, I got to go.- OK.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19I'm gonna miss you.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26PHONE RINGING
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Hey, Mom.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Hello, my precious prince, how are you, darling?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Good. How's the TV show going?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Oh, great. You know what this week's episode is about?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Using the latest sexual toys to spice up your love life.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40- Really?- Yeah.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42As an early Hanukkah present,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45I'm gonna send you and Pam a box of these musical condoms.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Don't do that.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49You got to hear this, honey. There's a little speaker inside.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51And the faster you go, the louder it gets.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54You know what? Mom, Pam and I are fine. We don't need musical condoms.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Honey, every couple can use a little stimulation.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Oh, by the way, interesting episode last week.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Which one? "Masturbation Through The Ages"?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I thought we agreed you weren't gonna talk about me on the air anymore.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Please, it was just a little anecdote about carpal tunnel syndrome
0:09:06 > 0:09:08from excessive self-pleasuring.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10I have to connect your father now, OK?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12We need to tell you something.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING
0:09:14 > 0:09:16EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH
0:09:16 > 0:09:17CELL PHONE RINGING
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Ooh.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20SPEAKING SPANISH
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Hi! Gay? Roz?
0:09:23 > 0:09:24- Hello?- Yeah, I'm here.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- Gaylord?- Dad? Can you hear me? Where are you?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28You won't believe it. I'm in Seville, Spain.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Where... What are you doing in Spain?
0:09:30 > 0:09:31I'm studying.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Sweetheart, your father decided that
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- he's not gonna make it to the twins' party.- What?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Gay, you remember when your mother's show hit number one in the ratings
0:09:39 > 0:09:40and she signed on for a second year?
0:09:40 > 0:09:43I looked in the mirror and I said, "Who am I?"
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Then I see this clip on the YouTube
0:09:44 > 0:09:47and there is a Spanish guy and he's dancing the flamenco.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49And the sweat is pouring off of his face
0:09:49 > 0:09:51and there is such passion in his eyes
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- and I said, "That's it!" - That's what?
0:09:53 > 0:09:57That's me. I am flamenco! I will master this art.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Dad, this is crazy. What are you doing? You're in Spain? You're gonna miss the party?
0:10:00 > 0:10:02You picked a hell of a time to go through man-opause.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Roz, I am not going through man-opause, I'm just trying to find my true north.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08True north, huh? What are you, a compass or something?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10No, but let's face it. I'm a stay-at-home dad
0:10:10 > 0:10:12whose kid hasn't lived at home in 25 years.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15There's an Arthur Murray studio right here in Miami Beach.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Why schlep all the way to Spain?
0:10:17 > 0:10:18I can't believe you, Roz.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Why can't you support my dreams the way I have always supported yours?
0:10:21 > 0:10:22- Guys, guys...- When you wanted to try
0:10:22 > 0:10:25new sex positions for your research, I was your guinea pig!
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- You volunteered. - I pulled my hamstring...- Hey! Hey!
0:10:28 > 0:10:29...doing a reverse cowgirl!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- That's because you did it backwards. - I never went soft on you.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36- Bernie, do you hear how you're upsetting your son?- Let me talk. Listen, will you?
0:10:39 > 0:10:40That son of a bitch.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Oh, shit.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Oh, shit.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03PURRING
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- Hello?- OPERATOR: 911, what's your emergency?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Yeah, my name is Jack Byrnes. I live at 28 Cherry Blossom Lane. I'm going into cardiac arrest.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15I need an ambulance right away.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19I'm guessing your average response time at this hour is between 12 and 17 minutes.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I need you to do better than that. Thank you, goodbye.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Stay calm, Mr. Jinx. I'm going to defibrillate myself.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Clear!
0:11:36 > 0:11:38JACK GROANS
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Seriously, though, my dad, he always sounds a little crazy,
0:11:40 > 0:11:41but this was like a whole different level.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- No, I mean they were really going at it.- Really?
0:11:44 > 0:11:45She accused him of going through man-opause.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47- CHUCKLES - Is that a real thing?
0:11:47 > 0:11:52- Your parents have the best marriage of anyone I know. They will be fine. - Yeah, I guess so.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55You were talking about the kids. Really, their teacher suggested private school?
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Yeah, she said she was concerned about them "getting lost"
0:11:58 > 0:12:00in the public school system or something.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01What's the name of this place?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03The Early Human School.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06I have absolutely heard of that place.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Sounds like a school for Neanderthals.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11No, it's actually considered the Harvard of kindergartens.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Mmm. Well, I think Harvard's cheaper.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15BEEPING I'll go see who that is.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Hey, greetings from the Black Sea. You look terrific.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Hi, stranger, thanks. What are you doing there?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Listen, Pam. Is there any way I could speak to Greg?
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- I want to get his advice on something, believe it or not. - Sure, absolutely. Hey, Greg?
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- Yeah.- Greg, honey, it's your buddy, Kevin.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- Hold on.- Thank you.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33- Hey.- Hey.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34How you doing, man?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I was just doing a little sailing
0:12:36 > 0:12:38and living the dream, G-Diggity-Dog.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39- Cheers!- Kevin.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Hey. You need a refill on that goji berry smoothie?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45You read my mind. Fill her up, Pak-Man.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Greg, you know Deepak Chopra, right?
0:12:47 > 0:12:48I know of him.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- Hi, Greg. - Hi, Mr. Chopra.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Dr Chopra.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Get out of here, you rascal.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59So, listen, the reason why I'm calling is because next week...
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Kevin, who do you Skype with?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I am just talking to my friend, Greg Focker.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- Hey.- Come here.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Hey, honey, what'd you do with Henry's Lactaid?
0:13:11 > 0:13:12BOTH LAUGHING
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Oh, crap, I forgot. Sorry.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- Well, OK. But did you call the face-paint lady?- No, I'm sorry.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I had, like, 97 things to do, so...
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Honey, I asked you to do two things, that's all I asked.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23I know. Sorry, babe.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26CLEARS THROAT
0:13:27 > 0:13:29OK, so here's the dealio.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32I'm going to propose to Svetlana.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35You're gonna propose? That's incredible.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I'm gonna have three Russian MiG fighter jets fly by
0:13:38 > 0:13:40and skywrite "Marry me, Svetlana."
0:13:40 > 0:13:45And then I'm gonna hide a 50-carat super-tasteful diamond ring
0:13:45 > 0:13:47in this tin of extremely rare beluga.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Then we will finish the night
0:13:50 > 0:13:53with a special performance that I choreographed
0:13:53 > 0:13:56with members of the Bolshoi Ballet, dedicated to our love.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Thoughts?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Honestly, I'm thinking maybe it's a little too involved.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Yeah?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I mean, with Pam, my whole thing was just
0:14:03 > 0:14:06keep it simple, speak from the heart.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Keep it simple and speak from the heart. I like it, hombre.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14You know what? I'd better call off some Russian MiG fighter jets.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17And, hey, by the time I get to Chi-town,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20this old dog here could be an engaged man.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21WHOOPS
0:14:21 > 0:14:23- Hey, Kevin?- Yeah. - The jet skis are ready!
0:14:23 > 0:14:26The jet skis are ready? Well, fire 'em up for me. OK.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28I'll be right there.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Jet-skiing monks.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Wow, I cannot believe that Kevin is finally settling down.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Well, I think he's found a soul mate.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- Yeah?- Hey, you're gonna eat some of this. She seemed nice.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Yeah. I am very happy for Kevin.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I love him, especially when he's not obsessed with you.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Oh, come on. You're being ridiculous.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48PHONE RINGING Oh, you got it?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Hey, sweetheart, will you please take a bite of the lasagne, honey?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- No. Uh-uh. - Do you not like it?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Hey, what's the good word, Grandpa Jack?
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Yay!
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Greg.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59This is Jack Byrnes.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Yeah, I know. I could tell from the caller ID.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02How are you doing?
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Greg, excuse yourself from the table by saying these exact words,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09"I don't know if I still have it, but let me check my files."
0:15:09 > 0:15:11- What?- If Pam asks you what I want,
0:15:11 > 0:15:13tell her that I asked you to locate your birth certificate
0:15:13 > 0:15:15for my genealogical work.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Just do it.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22I don't know if I have that, Jack, but let me check my files.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Files? You have files?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Yes, yeah, I do. I keep files.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29He wants me to get my birth certificate
0:15:29 > 0:15:31for that family tree thing he's doing.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Jack? Everything OK?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Everything is fine, Greg, I suffered a minor heart attack,
0:15:38 > 0:15:40but I was able to defibrillate myself
0:15:40 > 0:15:42before going into fatal cardiac arrest.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Jesus! You defibrillated yourself?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46The doctor said I was a lucky man and I've just got to watch my diet
0:15:46 > 0:15:48and keep my stress level down.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Wow, OK, so I guess
0:15:50 > 0:15:53you guys aren't gonna be able to come to the twins' birthday party.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55No, Dina and I will be there as planned, Greg.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58And I was able to keep this on a need-to-know basis.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01And right now, you're the only person who needs to know.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Well, come on, Jack. I mean, I think Dina needs to know.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Greg, stop talking and listen.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07OK.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Now, my genealogical research has allowed me to track the Byrnes family
0:16:10 > 0:16:12as far back as 1643.
0:16:12 > 0:16:131643?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Now, I wouldn't be able to do that, say, to your family,
0:16:16 > 0:16:18what with all the wandering peddlers and nameless peasants.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22- Mmm-hmm.- But, as long as there have been Byrneses, there's always been a patriarch
0:16:22 > 0:16:24to lead our family through good times and bad.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26And I've finally come to the realization
0:16:26 > 0:16:29that the next in line to the throne, Greg,
0:16:29 > 0:16:30is you.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Me.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Yes, you, Greg.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- Well... - So my question is this,
0:16:37 > 0:16:41in the event of my demise, are you prepared to lead this family?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43You know, Jack, we're right in the middle of dinner.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Maybe we could talk about this, you know, when you come into town.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible
0:16:49 > 0:16:51for the whole Byrnes clan.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be...
0:16:56 > 0:16:57the Godfocker?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01The Godfocker?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03The Godfocker.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08Well, that is a very powerful turn of phrase, Jack.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12And when you say Godfocker, I mean... (CHUCKLES)
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I mean, I think I know what you mean, but I'm just...
0:17:15 > 0:17:18What exactly does that mean?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21It's an attitude, Greg. It's a confidence.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25It's the way you carry yourself that lets the world know that the buck stops with you.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Yeah, I hear you. Mmm-hmm.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32None of this can be achieved without the basics.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33A secure home for your family,
0:17:33 > 0:17:36a top-notch education for your children...
0:17:36 > 0:17:37OK.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40...and last but not least, having your financial house in order, Greg.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- Is that it? (LAUGHS) - Are you laughing?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Yeah, no, I'm just... I was making... No.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Because this is no laughing matter, Greg.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Good, 'cause I'm not laughing. OK?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Are you saying you have what it takes to be the Godfocker?
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Greg?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Yes, Jack. I have what it takes...
0:18:00 > 0:18:02to be the Godfocker.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11And an equally great weight put onto yours.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15I like it. I like the weight. I want it.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17All right. Need-to-know.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- Need-to-know. Just you and me. - See you in two weeks.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21OK. Bye.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Hey, did you find it?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Find what?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Your birth certificate?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Yes. It was in my files.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Mmm.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I was thinking, maybe we should take a look at that Early Human School.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Great. I'll make some phone calls and set up a tour.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- Good.- Good.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49Samantha.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Henry.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57You gonna have your lasagna?
0:18:57 > 0:18:58No, thank you.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05You know, your mother worked very hard making that lasagna for you.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07No. It tastes funny.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10He said he was feeling kind of queasy, so...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12It's OK.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Henry,
0:19:15 > 0:19:19I'm your father and I'm requesting of you to eat the lasagne.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Fine.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25Good.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31PAM GASPS
0:19:31 > 0:19:32LAUGHING
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- Hello.- GREG: Hello?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Greg? This is Jack Byrnes.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Jack Byrnes, this is Greg Focker.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50I know, Greg. I called you.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Dina and I will be there in approximately 18 seconds.
0:19:53 > 0:19:5418 seconds, got it.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Oh, no, that's yours, honey.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Welcome, in-laws!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Oh, Gregor. My goodness.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Dina, Dina Bobina, Banana Fana Fofina.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19I'm so happy to see you.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Lovely Dina.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23You, too, Gregor.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- Hello, Jack.- Greg.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Everything OK, Greg?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34- Everything's great. - Good.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Unfortunately, renovations on the house,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38not quite where I'd like them to be.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Well, those things happen.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42They do. I mean, never to me before.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50And Sam here has done very, very well with her tae kwon do lessons.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54- She's a... What are you? A yellow belt now?- Yep.- Yellow belt.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Wow, sweetheart. Very impressive.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58She's lethal. She is a ninja.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Proud of her.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Now, Henry, you're going to drink your milk, aren't you?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05You want to hit the same growth spurt as your sister.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06DINA: (WHISPERS) Jack.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- I'm just saying, you know, it's hard to believe that they're three minutes apart.- Shh.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Henry, do what your grandpa says.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Aw, man. For real.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Good man.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18OK. Who wants some turkey?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- I do, right here! - Right here!
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Sweetheart, you didn't have to make a whole turkey just for us.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Why not?
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Actually, Greg did it.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26DINA: Greg.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Well, I remember at last year's Thanksgiving,
0:21:28 > 0:21:29Jack said he liked roast turkey so much
0:21:29 > 0:21:32and he couldn't understand why people only had it once a year.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33Excellent memory, Greg.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Plus, it's a wonderfully lean meat. Healthy. Good for your heart.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39(CHUCKLES) Such a sweetheart.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Grandpa Jack, can I ask you a question?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43You surely can.
0:21:43 > 0:21:44How come you're afraid of lizards?
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Henry, that's a very good question. And I'll tell you why.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51When I was stationed in the Mekong Delta during the Vietnam War,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54a tiny gecko crawled into my ear one night and laid its eggs.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59And I had to endure the torturous probing of our unit's medic
0:21:59 > 0:22:01to remove the lizard larvae from my ear canal
0:22:01 > 0:22:03before they hatched into my brain.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Jack.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Cool.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Yuck.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Yes, thanks for sharing that, Dad.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13All right, gobble, gobble, everybody! It's turkey time!
0:22:13 > 0:22:14ALL EXCLAIMING
0:22:14 > 0:22:17DINA: That looks good. That's a work of art.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Thank you very much.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Looks great, Greg.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Thank you, Jack. And to carve it,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25I thought we might use the beautiful Irish hunting knife
0:22:25 > 0:22:27emblazoned with the Byrnes family crest
0:22:27 > 0:22:30that Jack so thoughtfully brought back for us
0:22:30 > 0:22:33from his ancestral homeland.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34- Look at that, kids.- DINA: Great.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Wow. Look at that.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39See that crest? That was used by your ancestors
0:22:39 > 0:22:42long time ago, back in the olden days, to identify their family.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Daddy, can I ask you a question?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Absolutely. He loves history. Just soaks it up.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Can a girl poop from her vagina?
0:22:52 > 0:22:53No, she cannot.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- They're a little young for genealogy.- Yes.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Just a little off topic there.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Jack. Here you go!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Greg. You're the turkey carver now.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Thank you. I'm honoured.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09All right. Let's carve the roast beast!
0:23:09 > 0:23:10DINA: Mmm.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Let's see. I think I'll start right side.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14DINA: Nice and tender.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18So, Greg, how are you liking your new job?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Well, I'll tell you, Dina,
0:23:20 > 0:23:23it's a lot of responsibility on my plate.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26But that's kind of what I love about it.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I mean, the opportunity to manage an entire unit,
0:23:29 > 0:23:30in a way, it's kind of like...
0:23:30 > 0:23:31SCREAMS
0:23:31 > 0:23:33- Christ!- Shit!
0:23:34 > 0:23:35ALL SCREAMING
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Why couldn't you just get him a warm-blooded animal?
0:23:40 > 0:23:41- Pressure.- SAMANTHA: Mom!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43RINGING Honey. It's OK, it's OK, honey.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45- Hello.- PAM: Where is he going? Are you OK?
0:23:45 > 0:23:46Hey, Kevin!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48It's Kevin, everybody.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49What? OK.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51You're in Chicago?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56DOORBELL RINGS
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Hey. Hey.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- Hey, everybody.- Hello.- Kevin.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03J.B.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Oh! Good to see you.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08There he is! The engaged guy!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- How you doing, man? - Oh! What happened to your pointer?
0:24:10 > 0:24:14I had a little incident with the business end of a turkey. It's cool.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15- Where's Svetlana?- Yeah!
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Or should I say, the future Mrs Kevin Rawley?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20She broke up with me.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22- No.- Oh.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23You're kidding.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25- I'm so sorry.- Thanks, Pam.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You always know exactly the right thing to say to me.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32"I'm so sorry"?
0:24:32 > 0:24:35My anchor.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36What happened?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- What?- What happened?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41I don't know. I'm still trying to make sense of it myself.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43We were having some street food
0:24:43 > 0:24:45outside a government building in Bulgaria
0:24:45 > 0:24:48and I said, "Hey, you want to get married?" And I took out a little piece of string
0:24:48 > 0:24:50and I tied the twine around her finger,
0:24:50 > 0:24:52and she just... She threw it on the ground and said no.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Or nyet, 'cause she's Russian.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57She caught the next plane out of there. Adios, Kevin.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Your proposal seems way out of character.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Why did you put so little effort into it?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Greg told me to.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05What are you... Kevin, no, no.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- What are you talking about? I didn't...- HENRY: Daddy?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09I can't sleep.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Still in diapers.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13No, Jack, they're pull-ups. We're weaning him off diapers.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14What's up, man?
0:25:14 > 0:25:17I can't stop thinking about all that blood.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Really? All right, well, how about I read you a story?
0:25:19 > 0:25:20Uncle Kevin!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22How you doing, tiger?
0:25:22 > 0:25:23- Good.- Oh!
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Wow.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Are you having a hard time sleeping?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Yeah. - Oh.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31CRACKS
0:25:32 > 0:25:34There we go.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Jesus. Henry?
0:25:36 > 0:25:37Are you... Shh. He's sleeping.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41He's sleeping. I put him in a still-point.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43It's a massage technique
0:25:43 > 0:25:44that relaxes the body by gently
0:25:44 > 0:25:47easing the flow of cerebrospinal fluid.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Yeah. Look at him.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51He's gonna wake up feeling so refreshed.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54I've been studying a lot of Eastern medicine in my down time.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Well, listen, I just came by to say my hellos,
0:25:56 > 0:25:58so I will head on out.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Good. OK.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Hey, Kev, listen, do you need a place to stay?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03No, he doesn't. You got a place to stay, right?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- And we're pretty full up. - Not a problem.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08I volunteer at a South Side homeless shelter. So, I'll probably stay there
0:26:08 > 0:26:10and just work the soup kitchen line in the morning.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11That is so wonderful, Kevin.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16Yeah, it's funny, I feed them food, but those vagrants and drifters feed my soul,
0:26:16 > 0:26:18so it works out pretty good for all of us.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Perfect. We always need extra hands,
0:26:20 > 0:26:22if you guys wanna come on down tomorrow...
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Actually, Greg and I are taking a tour of this place called
0:26:24 > 0:26:26the Early Human School tomorrow.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- But maybe after...- You're kidding me, the Early Human School?
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Right.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32My investment group handles their endowment fund.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35In fact, the director, Prudence, is a dear friend and ex-lover of mine.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37I'm gonna put in a good word for you.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40That would be great, wouldn't it?
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Oh, of course.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Or not. I mean, you know, she's an ex-lover, I think that'd be awkward.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46No, nonsense. I'm on great terms with all my ex-lovers.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- Thanks.- Sure.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53OK. All right, well, you know, whatever feels right.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56After the tour, Greg, I was hoping you'd show us your new house.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59And, Kevin, when you're done feeding the bums, why don't you meet us there?
0:26:59 > 0:27:00OK. I'll be there.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03I still have some items on the punch list to go through with the contractors,
0:27:03 > 0:27:07- so I'm thinking maybe we should put it off for a few days.- Ah, no, let's do it tomorrow. Well, I think...
0:27:07 > 0:27:10- We'll meet you there at noon, Kevin. I don't know.- At noon? Yeah, all right. OK.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14And we're gonna get you through this. Anything you need, you come to me.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16- OK. Thanks, J.B. - Yeah. Or me.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19OK.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Well, you can come to either of us. Yeah, we're here for you.
0:27:22 > 0:27:23Thanks.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Careful, yeah.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31- I feel like crap.- Yeah.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32You're burning up.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Yeah, I must have gotten the flu the kids had last week. Oh, my God, the school tour is today.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- Yeah, I know. - Honey, what am I gonna do?
0:27:38 > 0:27:40- I'll do it. OK? I'll handle it. - Yeah?
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Yeah, and your mom can take the kids to school.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43But what about my dad?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I got it, all right?
0:27:48 > 0:27:51I really appreciate your including me on the school tour, Greg.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Oh, Jack, you are a trusted advisor.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57I mean, your words hit home about a top-notch education,
0:27:57 > 0:27:59getting your financial house in order.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- That's it. That's it.- It's all about the kids, right?
0:28:02 > 0:28:03The next generation.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04I'm glad to hear you say that.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Makes me feel that I've chosen wisely.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Of course, children change everything in a marriage,
0:28:09 > 0:28:10and that was the issue with Debbie and Bob.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13They stopped finding time for each other once LJ came into their lives,
0:28:13 > 0:28:15so Bob sought sexual fulfillment outside the marriage.
0:28:15 > 0:28:16Mmm.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19- Dr Bob. - Dr Bob.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20He really disappointed me.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24I'll tell you something. I'd like to really teach that bastard a lesson.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27I happen to have his new address. Perhaps you and I should sneak in
0:28:27 > 0:28:30there one night and plant a tiny explosive device in the stove.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Make it look like a gas leak.
0:28:35 > 0:28:36Yeah. Yeah.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Or we could, you know, maybe
0:28:38 > 0:28:41find some less criminal way of teaching him a lesson.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43You know, still get him.
0:28:44 > 0:28:45I'm only joking, Greg.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47(CHUCKLING) OK.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50- But it would be fun. - Yeah, oh, it would be great.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53I'm hoping that you and Pam are still finding time for each other.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Oh, yeah.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57- Yeah, are you kidding? Yeah, no, no, we're great, we're...- Good.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59I mean, you know, it's not easy.
0:28:59 > 0:29:00You got to work at it, but...
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
0:29:03 > 0:29:07To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
0:29:07 > 0:29:11Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
0:29:11 > 0:29:17Yes. Even after that. It's still... It's all good. It's all good under the hood.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20That's disgusting.
0:29:22 > 0:29:23CHILDREN CHATTERING
0:29:25 > 0:29:27PEOPLE APPLAUDING
0:29:29 > 0:29:31Welcome, parents.
0:29:31 > 0:29:35I'm Prudence Simmons, director of the Early Human School.
0:29:36 > 0:29:40And at E.H.S., we know.
0:29:40 > 0:29:45We know that no two early humans are alike.
0:29:45 > 0:29:50So why should their educational experiences be identical? Right?
0:29:50 > 0:29:51Makes sense.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55It's not about the 99.8 % of graduates
0:29:55 > 0:29:57that go on to the best secondary schools.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59Wow, impressive.
0:29:59 > 0:30:00Yeah.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04That guy's really been hitting the Bowflex, huh?
0:30:04 > 0:30:05What?
0:30:05 > 0:30:08It's not the overwhelming number of Early Human alumni
0:30:08 > 0:30:13that become civic leaders, CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. No.
0:30:13 > 0:30:18What's important to us is that they become themselves.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22Please welcome the Early Human Tumblers!
0:30:26 > 0:30:27Whoo!
0:30:28 > 0:30:29Kids are really good.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31I like what I'm seeing from this place.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33- Yeah.- And I'm sure it doesn't come cheap.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Mmm-mmm.
0:30:35 > 0:30:36You think you can swing it?
0:30:36 > 0:30:37Mmm-hmm.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40Yeah. Yeah, I got it covered.
0:30:40 > 0:30:44And, you know, if it's not covered right now, it will be covered.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47It's one of those things that you cover it.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49- Do you have the money or not, Greg? - New friends, hello!
0:30:49 > 0:30:50Hi.
0:30:50 > 0:30:51Hi, I'm Prudence. Greg?
0:30:51 > 0:30:52- Greg.- How are you?
0:30:52 > 0:30:54- Jack?- Jack Byrnes.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57So, Jack and Greg, tell me what path you've chosen.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01How do you make a "living"?
0:31:01 > 0:31:03Oh, OK, well, I'm a nurse.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06- Oh.- He's being modest.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09He's actually the department manager of the medical-surgical unit
0:31:09 > 0:31:12at Chicago Memorial and I am a retired florist.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15What a combination, a nurse and a florist?
0:31:15 > 0:31:16How great.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19May I ask how long you've been in each other's lives?
0:31:19 > 0:31:20Oh, I'd say... Well, it's about eight years, hasn't it been?
0:31:20 > 0:31:24- Yeah, eight years.- I'd say eight years. Really? Yeah, yeah.- Eight great years. Yeah.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Eight great years.
0:31:26 > 0:31:27Well, it started out a little rocky.
0:31:27 > 0:31:29We've had our moments.
0:31:29 > 0:31:31Yes, but then we figured it out.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33You seem like a wonderful couple.
0:31:34 > 0:31:38No, no, no. We're not homosexuals. Yeah, no. No, no. No, no, no, no, this is my son-in-law.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no.
0:31:40 > 0:31:44However, if you're looking to fill a quota, we can be flexible.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47OK, that's an interesting joke,
0:31:47 > 0:31:50but I appreciate levity in a moment of misunderstanding,
0:31:50 > 0:31:52so thank you, Greg.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55- I will say, Jack, I hope I didn't offend you.- Oh. No, no.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59- Really?- No. I mean, I'm not gay myself, but if I were gay,
0:31:59 > 0:32:03I would certainly be proud to choose a life partner like Gay Focker.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05And that's his actual name.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Oh.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10It is. Well, it's my, Gaylord was my name when I was a kid and, yeah.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13Well, I'll complete the conversation with that.
0:32:13 > 0:32:14Jack.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16- Prudence. - Pleasure.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18- Gay.- Greg.- Great.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21- Change that nametag.- You can call... It's Greg. Greg is fine.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23Why don't we just stick with the truth?
0:32:31 > 0:32:34An original American Foursquare, Greg, very nice.
0:32:34 > 0:32:38Yeah, yeah. It's got rock-solid bones and, you know, it's...
0:32:38 > 0:32:39CAR HORN HONKING
0:32:45 > 0:32:47Hey! There they are.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50- Kev-O, that's quite a rental. - Yeah.
0:32:50 > 0:32:51Gustavo, my assistant, hooked it up.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54I guess it's a Tesla Roadster or something.
0:32:54 > 0:32:57Supposedly eco-friendly, like that 2003 Prius, Greg.
0:32:57 > 0:32:58Yeah, you got it.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00Wow. It looks great.
0:33:00 > 0:33:02Traditional American Foursquare.
0:33:02 > 0:33:03Also known as a Prairie Box.
0:33:03 > 0:33:07- Yeah.- It's got really good bones. - Good eye, Kev.
0:33:07 > 0:33:08MEN LAUGHING
0:33:08 > 0:33:11MAN: Look out for your legs.
0:33:11 > 0:33:12RANDY: That's good.
0:33:12 > 0:33:13Randy? Randy, what is this?
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Gregory Focker!
0:33:16 > 0:33:18- Great to see you. How you doing, Dad? - Hey.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21Randy, what is this? We're having the party here in two days.
0:33:21 > 0:33:22Um...
0:33:22 > 0:33:24Refresh my memory, Gregory.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27Are you kidding me? Randy, the twins' birthday party, remember?
0:33:27 > 0:33:28Yes, of course!
0:33:28 > 0:33:34The issue we're dealing with is that we had to excavate 60 feet of root-infested pipe back here!
0:33:34 > 0:33:35So, of course, we ran into some unexpected costs
0:33:35 > 0:33:37along with an obvious delay.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40Randy, is this yard gonna be done or is it not gonna be done?
0:33:40 > 0:33:41Jack, I got this. All right?
0:33:41 > 0:33:44All Mr. Byrnes is suggesting is that maybe inadvertently
0:33:44 > 0:33:47you're taking advantage of a gentle, trusting soul
0:33:47 > 0:33:51who clearly is an amateur when it comes to home construction.
0:33:51 > 0:33:52- No, Kevin.- Thank you, Swami Salami.
0:33:52 > 0:33:53That's not true at all.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57- It is true, Greg. They're ripping you off.- No, Jack...- Your plumbing excavators
0:33:57 > 0:33:59have been on coffee break for the past eight minutes,
0:33:59 > 0:34:01this senior citizen over here is unfit for active duty
0:34:01 > 0:34:04and your backhoe driver's halfway through a Sudoku puzzle.
0:34:04 > 0:34:05- All right.- Gregory,
0:34:05 > 0:34:08who is this joker questioning my honour?
0:34:08 > 0:34:11- Nobody's questioning your honour, Randy.- I'm 34 years in the trade!
0:34:11 > 0:34:1334 years, huh?
0:34:13 > 0:34:16I got to pump, dump and hump to get that backyard whole again!
0:34:16 > 0:34:19Well, I got news for you. You can pump, dump and hump all you want!
0:34:19 > 0:34:22- You're sandbagging this damn job and you know it.- You know what?
0:34:22 > 0:34:24- Jack, Jack, Jack! Calm down!- You're leaving a big hole, you...
0:34:24 > 0:34:27Hey, General! The Japanese surrendered!
0:34:27 > 0:34:28- The Japanese surrendered!- That's it!
0:34:28 > 0:34:30What are you talking about?
0:34:30 > 0:34:32World War Il.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34I'll tell you what, Gregor. I have a timeshare in town.
0:34:34 > 0:34:35Why don't we have the party there?
0:34:35 > 0:34:37Beautiful meadow. It'll be perfect.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40No, no, Kevin, I promised the kids they're gonna have the party in the yard.
0:34:40 > 0:34:44So, guess what? We're gonna have the party in the yard. OK?
0:34:44 > 0:34:46Soon as our dump truck driver's back from lunch,
0:34:46 > 0:34:49we'll get that out, bring the backhoe in, lay down your base layer of sand.
0:34:49 > 0:34:52Wait a minute. You're telling us that you can't move that rig?
0:34:52 > 0:34:53That's a union job, pops.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55Screw it. I'm gonna move that truck myself.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57- No, come on.- No, you know what, Jack? I'll do it, OK?
0:34:57 > 0:34:59You just help me back it out into the street. I got it.
0:35:00 > 0:35:01Here we go.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04All right, start backing her up. You're all clear.
0:35:09 > 0:35:10Coming at you, Jack!
0:35:10 > 0:35:12You're doing great, you're doing great.
0:35:12 > 0:35:16Hey, look, I'm not in the union, Randy! I'm backing up the truck!
0:35:16 > 0:35:19Come on. Back, back, back. Doing great. Doing great! Doing great!
0:35:19 > 0:35:21Whoa! Whoa!
0:35:22 > 0:35:23Brake it!
0:35:23 > 0:35:24Oh!
0:35:24 > 0:35:27You got it!
0:35:27 > 0:35:28- We're good.- Emergency brake!
0:35:28 > 0:35:30Got it!
0:35:30 > 0:35:32SCREAMING
0:35:34 > 0:35:37- Jack! - Holy shit!
0:35:37 > 0:35:39Hang on, I'm with you!
0:35:39 > 0:35:41Jack, I'm right here. Jack, we're gonna get you!
0:35:41 > 0:35:43It's gonna be all right, Jack!
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Jack, we're coming! Hang on, Jack!
0:35:45 > 0:35:46I got him!
0:35:46 > 0:35:47I got you.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50- It's Kevin. I'm right here. - JACK COUGHS
0:35:51 > 0:35:53- Thank you, Kevin. - Save your strength.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56Upsy-daisy. Greg's right here. He's OK.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58Yeah, I see him.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00Hey, Jack.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02Oh, here, it's starting.
0:36:02 > 0:36:07ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, it's The Roz Focker Show!
0:36:07 > 0:36:08AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
0:36:08 > 0:36:13And that means it's time to sexpress yourself!
0:36:14 > 0:36:15Hello, my audience!
0:36:15 > 0:36:17Hello, my friends. Welcome.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Today, what do you think we're going to talk about?
0:36:20 > 0:36:22- MAN: Sex!- Sex. Sex.
0:36:22 > 0:36:23Well, what else is she gonna talk about?
0:36:23 > 0:36:26Sex after children.
0:36:26 > 0:36:27How do you find time to make love
0:36:27 > 0:36:29with young children in the house?
0:36:29 > 0:36:32What do you do if it's not working?
0:36:32 > 0:36:33Do you have an affair?
0:36:33 > 0:36:34ALL: No!
0:36:34 > 0:36:38No, you say? But Roz Focker says yes!
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Yes, you do have an affair!
0:36:40 > 0:36:44You have an affair with your wife!
0:36:44 > 0:36:45Oh, Roz!
0:36:45 > 0:36:47ROZ: Think about it, right?
0:36:47 > 0:36:50You dress up a little nicer. You meet at a hotel.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52You role play.
0:36:52 > 0:36:58There is absolutely no shame in playing out a fantasy, but with each other!
0:36:58 > 0:36:59AUDIENCE CHEERING
0:36:59 > 0:37:01All right?
0:37:01 > 0:37:04- Now, he's gonna kill me, - GIGGLES
0:37:04 > 0:37:10but my own son, who is the father of two adorable twins,
0:37:10 > 0:37:12he has issues in this department.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16He's busy at work. She's busy at home.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19Their intimacy numbers are down. They're not connecting.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21And what do you do?
0:37:21 > 0:37:23- It's called Sustengo. - Sustengo?
0:37:23 > 0:37:25I got to say, that sounds pretty cheesy, Greg.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28Yeah, well, I'm looking at these Randy Weir bills, OK.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30And we could definitely use the money.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33- And do me a favour. Don't tell your dad about this, OK?- My dad? Why?
0:37:33 > 0:37:35Just 'cause he's been all into
0:37:35 > 0:37:37me having my financial house in order or whatever,
0:37:37 > 0:37:40and I just don't want to worry him. All right, fine.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42I won't say anything because he's already pretty upset
0:37:42 > 0:37:43about you trying to bury him alive.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45Honey, it was an accident.
0:37:45 > 0:37:46Superstar!
0:37:46 > 0:37:47Hey. Hey, can you hang on a second?
0:37:47 > 0:37:48OK.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50I am so stoked you changed your mind.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53You are going to rock those urologists tonight.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Awesome. That's always been a goal of mine.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57So, I'll see you at 8:00 at the Hilton?
0:37:57 > 0:38:00- Yes.- And wear a suit. Wear a suit, got it.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02- Knuckles? - Knuckles.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04OK, bye.
0:38:04 > 0:38:05- Hey.- Hello.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08Knuckles? Who was that? That certainly didn't sound like Kristen.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10No, no. That was the drug rep.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12- Andi? - Yeah, Andi.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14What does she look like?
0:38:14 > 0:38:18She's like a... No, she's, like, an ex-nurse. You wouldn't pick her out of a line-up.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21Yeah, I know that you're doing this for us, but the idea of you and some woman named Andi
0:38:21 > 0:38:24selling boner medicine at a hotel, it really kind of icks me out.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Honey, there's nothing to be icked out about.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28OK, fine.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30- I love you. - I love you, too, honey. Bye.
0:38:30 > 0:38:31OK, bye.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35MIMICKING GUNSHOTS
0:38:37 > 0:38:40So, how come you're not talking to Daddy?
0:38:40 > 0:38:41'Cause he said you were cuckoo.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43He said I was cuckoo?
0:38:43 > 0:38:46- Mmm-hmm.- Well, we'll have to discuss that.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49- Yeah. - But what about Mommy and Daddy?
0:38:49 > 0:38:50Is everything OK with them?
0:38:50 > 0:38:53I guess they fight sometimes.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55Mmm-hmm. And what do they fight about?
0:38:55 > 0:38:56Um...
0:38:56 > 0:39:00Like Mommy got mad at Daddy because he was going to the hotel with Andi.
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Andi?
0:39:02 > 0:39:03CHUCKLES
0:39:03 > 0:39:05Who's Andi?
0:39:05 > 0:39:08I can't say because I'm not supposed to be spying.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11Like I always tell you, there's nothing wrong with spying
0:39:11 > 0:39:14as long as you suspect foul play.
0:39:14 > 0:39:16So, who's Andi?
0:39:16 > 0:39:19Andi gives Daddy his boners.
0:39:20 > 0:39:21His what?
0:39:21 > 0:39:25Andi gives Daddy his boners.
0:39:25 > 0:39:26Uh-huh.
0:39:28 > 0:39:29Hey, guys!
0:39:29 > 0:39:30DINA: Hey, Greg. How was your day?
0:39:30 > 0:39:32- HENRY: Yeah.- Great.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36Hey. How about you, Sam?
0:39:36 > 0:39:39- BLOWS RASPBERRY - What? Come on, say something to me.
0:39:39 > 0:39:40No! I won't!
0:39:40 > 0:39:42Ah! You just did.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45- Hey, Greg?- Yeah.
0:39:45 > 0:39:46I'm not so sure
0:39:46 > 0:39:49using chicanery and subterfuge on your daughter
0:39:49 > 0:39:51is the best way to get her to communicate with you.
0:39:51 > 0:39:53No, no, no. That's not chicanery and subterfuge.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55For whatever it's worth.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Worth a lot. Thank you.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59And I will see you later, OK?
0:39:59 > 0:40:02I got roped into this hospital administration dinner thing tonight, so...
0:40:02 > 0:40:03- Work function?- Yeah.
0:40:03 > 0:40:07It's the price of being in charge of the unit, so...
0:40:07 > 0:40:08I see. That last minute, huh?
0:40:08 > 0:40:09Yeah.
0:40:09 > 0:40:13Department head called so I gotta do a little face time and...
0:40:13 > 0:40:14- Have fun.- OK.
0:40:15 > 0:40:16VIBRATING
0:40:21 > 0:40:23Hmm.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45GRUNTS
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Jack?
0:40:48 > 0:40:49Jack!
0:40:49 > 0:40:51Is that you?
0:40:51 > 0:40:52- Greg.- What are you doing out here?
0:40:52 > 0:40:55Just picking up some milk for the morning.
0:40:55 > 0:40:56- You looking for a market?- Yeah.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58OK, 'cause there's one right across from the house.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00Oh, is there? I didn't know that.
0:41:00 > 0:41:01Just take a left on Lincoln. Right there.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03- Thanks, Greg.- OK.
0:41:03 > 0:41:04- See you later.- OK.
0:41:51 > 0:41:52Excuse me.
0:41:55 > 0:41:56Hey!
0:41:56 > 0:41:59LAUGHS
0:41:59 > 0:42:00Greg.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03Hey, man. You following me?
0:42:03 > 0:42:05Following you? Why would I be following you?
0:42:05 > 0:42:07No, I'm just looking for milk.
0:42:08 > 0:42:11OK. 'Cause, remember, I mentioned out on the street there,
0:42:11 > 0:42:13there's a store right in the neighbourhood.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15True, but Dina likes the organic stuff
0:42:15 > 0:42:18and I heard there was a natural food market downtown.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21Amazing, you going all this way just for a carton of milk.
0:42:24 > 0:42:26You know what? You should get off here.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28There's a really great natural foods market
0:42:28 > 0:42:31about two blocks south of the station.
0:42:31 > 0:42:32Oh.
0:42:39 > 0:42:40Have a good night, Jack.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42You, too, Greg.
0:42:58 > 0:42:59Hey.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01Oh! Hey.
0:43:01 > 0:43:02Superstar!
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Everything cool? You seem a little edgy.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11No, I'm good. It's just my in-laws are in town, so...
0:43:11 > 0:43:14Anyway, I went over the drug info and I think I got the science down pretty well.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Oh, no, Greg. These doctors don't care about that stuff.
0:43:17 > 0:43:21If you want to sell a drug like Sustengo, you have to make it personal.
0:43:21 > 0:43:23Do you know any sexually frustrated
0:43:23 > 0:43:25old dudes with a heart condition?
0:43:44 > 0:43:46I didn't hear you come in.
0:43:47 > 0:43:50What kept you so long?
0:43:50 > 0:43:53I just got a little bit lost. Everyone asleep?
0:43:53 > 0:43:54Yeah.
0:43:54 > 0:43:57We've got the house to ourselves.
0:43:57 > 0:44:02I'm so happy that you got away from your wife.
0:44:03 > 0:44:05Excuse me?
0:44:05 > 0:44:07She's been very suspicious lately.
0:44:07 > 0:44:10Quick, quick, quick. We only have an hour.
0:44:12 > 0:44:14I have no idea what you're talking about.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16Jack, come on. You've gotta play along.
0:44:16 > 0:44:19Roz Focker said we have to have an affair with each other.
0:44:19 > 0:44:21I'm role playing.
0:44:21 > 0:44:22Right, right, right. I understand.
0:44:22 > 0:44:26I just have a bit of a headache, sweetheart, tonight.
0:44:26 > 0:44:29I know. You've had that worried look on your face all day.
0:44:29 > 0:44:33I promise you, the Focker family is going to be fine.
0:44:33 > 0:44:35Now, come on.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Before my husband comes home.
0:44:37 > 0:44:41Then, we'd better hurry, my illicit lover. Let me just brush my teeth.
0:44:41 > 0:44:42Ooh.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54Your father-in-law did not really put you in a lie detector machine.
0:44:54 > 0:44:55No, that's true.
0:44:55 > 0:44:56That's incredible!
0:44:56 > 0:44:59Jesus Christ, I thought my wife's father was bad.
0:44:59 > 0:45:01That was a great speech, nurse.
0:45:01 > 0:45:02Thank you.
0:45:02 > 0:45:03And hey, "I'm staring at you."
0:45:03 > 0:45:05LAUGHING
0:45:05 > 0:45:08It was "I'm watching you," but that's what he did, yes. Thank you.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10You killed it tonight.
0:45:10 > 0:45:13Those stories about your family were hilarious.
0:45:13 > 0:45:15Thank you. So, I should be getting going.
0:45:15 > 0:45:17Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're my fiance.
0:45:17 > 0:45:19Hey, gorgeous.
0:45:19 > 0:45:21Hello, Dr. Ballard. So nice to see you.
0:45:21 > 0:45:25Hey, can I get you 200 cc's of anything you want, stat?
0:45:25 > 0:45:29Only if you can buy a drink for my fiance as well.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31Didn't know you were engaged.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33Can you take a picture for us for my scrapbook?
0:45:33 > 0:45:35You know what? You don't... He doesn't have to do that.
0:45:35 > 0:45:38- Yeah, it's for our scrapbook. - No, you know what, bro? I'm cool like that. I'll do that.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40You are such a doll.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42Here we go.
0:45:42 > 0:45:43- One, two, three.- Whoa!
0:45:43 > 0:45:45Best picture ever.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48You look great and you have, like, a red-eye problem.
0:45:48 > 0:45:49I'll see you later, babe.
0:45:49 > 0:45:52I cannot believe I ever slept with that guy.
0:45:52 > 0:45:53Yeah, right.
0:45:53 > 0:45:54No, seriously, I did.
0:45:54 > 0:45:56At a convention in Milwaukee last summer.
0:45:56 > 0:45:59We were, like, drinking tequila, doing rum chasers.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02Always a bad idea, right?
0:46:02 > 0:46:03Yeah.
0:46:03 > 0:46:05Can you get me a margarita on the rocks, no salt?
0:46:05 > 0:46:08- You know what...- I'm gonna run to the restroom.
0:46:08 > 0:46:09Gosh. You know what...
0:46:09 > 0:46:10All right, cool. You're the best.
0:46:10 > 0:46:12- All right? All right.- All right, OK.
0:46:13 > 0:46:17Hi. Can I get a club soda and a margarita on the rocks with no salt?
0:46:17 > 0:46:19Thanks.
0:46:19 > 0:46:20Night out on the town, Focker?
0:46:21 > 0:46:23- Dr Bob.- Hey, man!
0:46:23 > 0:46:24What are you doing here?
0:46:24 > 0:46:27I'm here for the convention. What about you?
0:46:27 > 0:46:30Doing some work for Pfosten as a medical expert.
0:46:30 > 0:46:32But you're a nurse.
0:46:32 > 0:46:35You know what? I don't really have anything to say to you.
0:46:35 > 0:46:39OK, I get it, Greg. I screwed up.
0:46:39 > 0:46:42But the pressure of being in that family finally got to me.
0:46:42 > 0:46:45- What are you talking about? You were his golden boy. - More like his golden bitch.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48He wanted Deb and me to get married in Oyster Bay. Done.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51Can we name our baby after him? "You got it, Jack."
0:46:51 > 0:46:53And he gives me this whole spiel, right,
0:46:53 > 0:46:56about how I'm next in line to his throne.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59He came up with this name for me, the Bobfather.
0:47:02 > 0:47:04Really? He said that to you?
0:47:06 > 0:47:08He pulled the same shit on you, didn't he?
0:47:08 > 0:47:12In that family, we're all just hamsters on Jack Byrnes' little wheel.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15His Circus of Trust, or whatever he calls it.
0:47:15 > 0:47:16Circle of Trust.
0:47:16 > 0:47:19I had no idea how deep I was in until I stepped away.
0:47:19 > 0:47:23And I'll tell you something, once I got off the treadmill, I've never been happier.
0:47:23 > 0:47:25Yeah, well, I think I got it under control.
0:47:39 > 0:47:40Hello, Greg.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Hey.
0:47:43 > 0:47:45Hey, Jack.
0:47:45 > 0:47:47You mind explaining this?
0:47:49 > 0:47:51What is that? Oh.
0:47:51 > 0:47:53Sustengo. Yeah, that's... You know.
0:47:53 > 0:47:55These drug companies, they give me all these free samples.
0:47:55 > 0:47:57Is that it?
0:47:58 > 0:47:59Or do you need to use this
0:47:59 > 0:48:01because you're no longer sexually attracted to Pam?
0:48:01 > 0:48:06You know what, Jack? That's ridiculous.
0:48:06 > 0:48:07Really. You know what?
0:48:07 > 0:48:10I'm not even gonna go there with you. This is...
0:48:10 > 0:48:12Have a good night, all right? I'm gonna go sleep.
0:48:12 > 0:48:14Don't walk away from me, Focker.
0:48:18 > 0:48:20Jack, is everything OK down there?
0:48:20 > 0:48:22Everything's fine.
0:48:22 > 0:48:24OK. All right. 'Cause you seem to have a little, I mean...
0:48:24 > 0:48:27I know what I have, Greg, and I'm not concerned about that right now.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29Right now, what I want from you is the truth.
0:48:30 > 0:48:34Jack, did you take one of those pills?
0:48:34 > 0:48:37Well, I was highly preoccupied and Dina wanted to make love,
0:48:37 > 0:48:40and the label clearly states that it's safe for heart patients.
0:48:40 > 0:48:43Yes, but you need a prescription after you've had a thorough examination.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46How long have you had that... The situation for?
0:48:46 > 0:48:47Stop avoiding the question.
0:48:47 > 0:48:51I'm not avoiding the question. If you've had that for more than four hours,
0:48:51 > 0:48:53you could bust a capillary and have serious permanent damage.
0:48:53 > 0:48:54How long have you had it?
0:48:54 > 0:48:57- Been a little longer than four hours.- How long?
0:48:57 > 0:48:59Maybe about five and a half.
0:48:59 > 0:49:00Jack, you got to get to an ER right now
0:49:00 > 0:49:02and get a shot of adrenaline to counteract that drug.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04You're a nurse. Don't you have that kind of stuff in the house?
0:49:04 > 0:49:07Yeah, I have an Epi kit, but I'm not gonna give you a shot there, OK?
0:49:07 > 0:49:10Focker, there is no way I'm going to an ER room with this thing.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now!
0:49:12 > 0:49:14I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!
0:49:14 > 0:49:17Shh. Just relax. OK. I'll get the needle.
0:49:22 > 0:49:26All right. I need you to drop your pants.
0:49:26 > 0:49:29What kind of sick drug are you dealing to your patients?
0:49:29 > 0:49:32Jack, I told you, I took home some samples.
0:49:32 > 0:49:33All right? Maybe read the label
0:49:33 > 0:49:35before you just pick up a drug and eat it.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37Let's just do it.
0:49:37 > 0:49:39I'm gonna administer the shot on the count of three.
0:49:39 > 0:49:41Just... All right?
0:49:44 > 0:49:45OK. Just...
0:49:45 > 0:49:47It's...
0:49:47 > 0:49:48Your hands are cold.
0:49:48 > 0:49:49I'm sorry. It's a bit...
0:49:49 > 0:49:51OK.
0:49:52 > 0:49:53One,
0:49:55 > 0:49:56two,
0:49:56 > 0:49:58three.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00Focker!
0:50:00 > 0:50:01SCREAMING
0:50:02 > 0:50:03- Oh, shit!- Oh, shit!
0:50:08 > 0:50:09Wait, what's going on? What happened?
0:50:09 > 0:50:11Everything's fine. Henry had a little nightmare,
0:50:11 > 0:50:13but Greg's got him settled down, OK.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15No, no, Jack, I thought I heard you screaming, too.
0:50:15 > 0:50:17No, you didn't. It was all Henry.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20- Well, let me go check on him...- Oh, no, no, no.- ...and make sure he's OK.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22You guys go to sleep. Everything's under control.
0:50:26 > 0:50:29Could you and Dad keep it down, please?
0:50:29 > 0:50:33Here's Sirius Black. Here's Orange Ninja, OK?
0:50:33 > 0:50:34- You all right?- Yeah.
0:50:34 > 0:50:37- JACK: (WHISPERS) Greg?- Yeah.
0:50:37 > 0:50:38- How's he doing? - He's all right.
0:50:38 > 0:50:41You know, he's a little shaken up, but...
0:50:41 > 0:50:43Greg, I was involved in some covert CIA-sponsored
0:50:43 > 0:50:46mind-altering techniques back in the '70s.
0:50:46 > 0:50:47I'd like a few minutes alone with him
0:50:47 > 0:50:50just to erase what he saw from his memory.
0:50:50 > 0:50:52You're not gonna erase my son's memory.
0:50:52 > 0:50:55Greg, he saw his father inject a needle into his grandfather's penis.
0:50:55 > 0:50:59He already has issues. That's something he might never recover from.
0:50:59 > 0:51:01I'll handle it, OK? All right?
0:51:01 > 0:51:02OK, thank you.
0:51:04 > 0:51:07Hey, buddy.
0:51:07 > 0:51:10So, you know how sometimes you need help when you...
0:51:12 > 0:51:13- When you make a wee-wee? - Yeah.
0:51:13 > 0:51:16Well, when you get to be Grandpa Jack's age,
0:51:16 > 0:51:18sometimes you need help making a wee-wee, too.
0:51:18 > 0:51:19So that's what you saw me doing.
0:51:19 > 0:51:22I was helping Grandpa Jack, because he's old.
0:51:24 > 0:51:26Well, why did he scream so loud?
0:51:26 > 0:51:29He wasn't screaming. He was celebrating, he was just so happy.
0:51:29 > 0:51:35He was, like, "Oh, Focker. Thanks for helping me make a wee-wee."
0:51:35 > 0:51:37He just... He was so happy. Right, right?
0:51:37 > 0:51:38Right, Greg. Yeah.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40- JACK:- Understand?
0:51:40 > 0:51:42- I think so. GREG:- Good.
0:51:46 > 0:51:49Don't think this incident is distracting me, Focker.
0:51:49 > 0:51:52I know you're up to something and I'm watching you.
0:51:52 > 0:51:55Well, guess what? I have eyes, too.
0:51:55 > 0:52:00So, I'll be watching you, watching me.
0:52:00 > 0:52:01- OK. - All right?
0:52:01 > 0:52:03- Fair enough. - Good.
0:52:03 > 0:52:04So we just watch each other, all right?
0:52:04 > 0:52:06OK, OK.
0:52:13 > 0:52:14I'm watching you right now.
0:52:25 > 0:52:26PHONE RINGING
0:52:26 > 0:52:29MAN: Domsey's Bakery. How can I help you?
0:52:29 > 0:52:33Hello, yes, do you still have the pineapple upside-down cake?
0:52:33 > 0:52:36Yes, we do. Would you like chocolate or vanilla frosting?
0:52:36 > 0:52:39Neither. I'm only interested in merengue.
0:52:40 > 0:52:42Please give me your access code and releasing ID.
0:52:42 > 0:52:45This is Santa. Releasing ID 7726548.
0:52:47 > 0:52:48I need all-source, derogatory only,
0:52:48 > 0:52:50on a person named Andi Garcia.
0:52:50 > 0:52:52Alpha November Delta Indigo...
0:52:52 > 0:52:56Santa, your clearances haven't been active for 12 years.
0:52:56 > 0:52:57Now, you listen to me, Young Turk.
0:52:57 > 0:52:59I was bugging Ho Chi Minh's sock drawer
0:52:59 > 0:53:00while you were still in diapers,
0:53:00 > 0:53:02so don't tell me about clearances.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04Sir, my hands are tied.
0:53:04 > 0:53:06But, I mean, you could probably just Google the subject
0:53:06 > 0:53:09and find out everything you need to know.
0:53:09 > 0:53:10Oh.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12Then I'll do that. Santa out.
0:53:21 > 0:53:22Hmm.
0:53:40 > 0:53:44Oh, honey, I can't wait to see Kevin's timeshare later today, huh?
0:53:44 > 0:53:46Oh, yeah. Yeah.
0:53:46 > 0:53:48What you doing?
0:53:48 > 0:53:50Oh, just checking the weather.
0:53:50 > 0:53:51There's a cold front coming in.
0:53:51 > 0:53:52Oh, no.
0:53:52 > 0:53:53Oh, yeah.
0:54:00 > 0:54:01Thanks.
0:54:03 > 0:54:04DINA: Greg.
0:54:04 > 0:54:06Hey, how you doing? Sorry I'm late.
0:54:06 > 0:54:07Hi, honey.
0:54:08 > 0:54:10A little emergency at the hospital.
0:54:10 > 0:54:12Kevin was showing us his magnificent estate.
0:54:12 > 0:54:13- GREG:- It's really nice.
0:54:13 > 0:54:14So this is where you rough it
0:54:14 > 0:54:16when you're not at the homeless shelter?
0:54:16 > 0:54:18Kind of split time between the two. Maybe 60/40 here.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20- Really? - Now that Greg's finally arrived,
0:54:20 > 0:54:22why don't I take you over to see the meadow?
0:54:31 > 0:54:32- JACK:- Yeah, this is perfect.
0:54:32 > 0:54:34- Oh, this is impressive. - GREG:- Wow, nice backyard.
0:54:34 > 0:54:35- JACK:- Yeah, love it. - PAM:- Wow, it is.
0:54:35 > 0:54:36Thank you.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38- JACK:- Let's reserve that quadrant over there, Kevin.
0:54:38 > 0:54:40It's perfect for the three-legged race,
0:54:40 > 0:54:41egg toss, capture-the-flag game.
0:54:41 > 0:54:45Why don't we put up a ring of bouncy castles right out there
0:54:45 > 0:54:47and we have, like, a relay race for the kids
0:54:47 > 0:54:49kind of intertwined in between them.
0:54:49 > 0:54:50Loving it, Kev-o.
0:54:50 > 0:54:52Kevin, is that a tattoo on your back?
0:54:52 > 0:54:53Oh, yes, it is, Dina.
0:54:53 > 0:54:55It looks really elaborate. Could we take a look at it?
0:54:55 > 0:54:57- Oh, sure. - PAM:- Mom.
0:54:57 > 0:54:59Well, it's a curiosity.
0:54:59 > 0:55:00SHE GASPS
0:55:00 > 0:55:02My gosh.
0:55:03 > 0:55:04Hmm.
0:55:04 > 0:55:06- DINA:- Wow.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08Is that Pam?
0:55:08 > 0:55:09Yeah, it is.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11You know, after the whole Svetlana episode,
0:55:11 > 0:55:13I went on a little bit of a drunken bender
0:55:13 > 0:55:16and wound up in a tattoo shop in Moscow.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18And I asked the artist to ink me
0:55:18 > 0:55:19with the image of the one woman
0:55:19 > 0:55:22who's always loved me unconditionally.
0:55:22 > 0:55:24- Pam. - My grandmother.
0:55:24 > 0:55:26The point being, in my drunken stupor,
0:55:26 > 0:55:29I must have handed him a photo of Pam instead.
0:55:29 > 0:55:30You carry a picture of Pam in your wallet.
0:55:30 > 0:55:33I do. I carry pictures of many treasured friends
0:55:33 > 0:55:35and loved ones on my travels.
0:55:35 > 0:55:36Got a picture of me?
0:55:36 > 0:55:38Of course I got a picture of you.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41You recognise this mensch right here?
0:55:41 > 0:55:42- Ah. There I am. Kind of. - There you are, yeah.
0:55:42 > 0:55:44- That's... - Interesting.
0:55:44 > 0:55:45This is actually a very flattering portrait of you, Pam-cake.
0:55:45 > 0:55:46CELL PHONE RINGING
0:55:46 > 0:55:47- Excuse me. - (Dad!)
0:55:47 > 0:55:49Prudence? Yes! Hello!
0:55:49 > 0:55:51- Yeah, hold on, honey. - I don't...
0:55:51 > 0:55:54Terrific. OK, yes, thanks, Pru.
0:55:54 > 0:55:57That was Prudence and she says if you get to EHS by 3:00,
0:55:57 > 0:55:58she can squeeze you in for an interview.
0:55:58 > 0:56:00- PAM:- All right, that's great! - Way to go, Kev-O.
0:56:00 > 0:56:02- PAM:- Thank you, Kevin. - GREG:- Good job.
0:56:04 > 0:56:06So great you two could join us.
0:56:06 > 0:56:09Really wonderful when grandparents play an integral role
0:56:09 > 0:56:10in early humans' lives.
0:56:10 > 0:56:13Early humans do need guidance.
0:56:13 > 0:56:15Is that your role, Jack? To guide them?
0:56:15 > 0:56:17Yes, I see myself as something of a shepherd,
0:56:17 > 0:56:20guiding our family through life's pastures.
0:56:20 > 0:56:23Yes, I would say Jack is sort of an honorary shepherd.
0:56:23 > 0:56:27Kind of a shepherd emeritus, if you will.
0:56:27 > 0:56:31Well, when my sheep wander, I use my prod to keep my flock in line.
0:56:32 > 0:56:37Oh, there are a lot of family dynamics at play here.
0:56:37 > 0:56:38Why don't we begin the interview process?
0:56:39 > 0:56:43OK, Henry, I just want you to clear your mind
0:56:43 > 0:56:48and draw a picture for me of the first thing that comes to mind
0:56:48 > 0:56:51when you hear the word "family".
0:56:51 > 0:56:53Aww.
0:56:53 > 0:56:54This is just like being at the eye doctor.
0:56:54 > 0:56:56Start at the top and work your way down.
0:56:56 > 0:56:58Why would she give her an eye test?
0:56:58 > 0:57:00It's called a Heisenreich Experiment.
0:57:00 > 0:57:02We used it at the agency to test
0:57:02 > 0:57:04the aptitude of potential recruits.
0:57:05 > 0:57:08All the letters are the same, so it's not really an eye test.
0:57:09 > 0:57:12Very impressive cognition, Samantha.
0:57:12 > 0:57:14E... E...
0:57:16 > 0:57:19E? I need to start over.
0:57:19 > 0:57:20GREG SIGHS
0:57:20 > 0:57:23OK, Henry, let's see what you've chosen to draw.
0:57:23 > 0:57:24SHE GASPS
0:57:24 > 0:57:28What is it? What did he draw?
0:57:28 > 0:57:32Dad stuck Grandpa Jack in the wee-wee last night. Because he's old.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34I'm sorry? What did he say?
0:57:34 > 0:57:35I didn't hear him.
0:57:35 > 0:57:38Something about Grandpa Jack having a cold.
0:57:38 > 0:57:40So tell me about your parents, Samantha.
0:57:40 > 0:57:42Tell me about your parents, Prudence.
0:57:46 > 0:57:47That's my girl.
0:57:47 > 0:57:49Wanna tell me about your family?
0:57:49 > 0:57:50My dad is a great guy.
0:57:50 > 0:57:52Thank you, buddy.
0:57:52 > 0:57:55But Grandpa Jack makes him really, really scared.
0:57:55 > 0:57:57So he acts all crazy when he's with him.
0:57:57 > 0:58:00Like he tried to cut the turkey with Grandpa's big knife
0:58:00 > 0:58:05and he slipped and he cut his finger. And he was like, "Oh, shit!"
0:58:07 > 0:58:09Oh, he's blowing the interview.
0:58:09 > 0:58:11She's setting him up to fail with these questions.
0:58:11 > 0:58:13I mean, Sam's a better tester, anyway, so...
0:58:13 > 0:58:15Well, that's because she takes after...
0:58:15 > 0:58:16Takes after who, Jack?
0:58:16 > 0:58:18Let's just say I've done some research on twins.
0:58:18 > 0:58:20There's a theory that in certain cases,
0:58:20 > 0:58:22one twin gets an extra chromosome from the father,
0:58:22 > 0:58:24while the other sibling gets an extra chromosome
0:58:24 > 0:58:26from the mother's side.
0:58:26 > 0:58:27Hmm.
0:58:27 > 0:58:29Sam might be three quarters Byrnes,
0:58:29 > 0:58:30whereas Henry could very well have
0:58:30 > 0:58:32a double dose of Focker in him.
0:58:33 > 0:58:35And what if he does?
0:58:35 > 0:58:38My Grandpa Bernie taught me this. Pull my finger.
0:58:38 > 0:58:39Oh.
0:58:39 > 0:58:41HE MIMICS FARTING
0:58:42 > 0:58:43Double dose.
0:58:43 > 0:58:44HE LAUGHS
0:58:45 > 0:58:48Let's go out to the courtyard for some free play.
0:58:49 > 0:58:52I mean, what is "free-play test"?
0:58:52 > 0:58:53How well they hang on the monkey bars?
0:58:53 > 0:58:54I don't think you get it, Greg.
0:58:54 > 0:58:56You know when prison guards learn the most
0:58:56 > 0:58:58about their inmate population?
0:58:58 > 0:59:00During rec time in the yard.
0:59:00 > 0:59:02I'm sure Prudence is in her office right now
0:59:02 > 0:59:03watching every move these kids make.
0:59:05 > 0:59:06- Dad? - Yeah.
0:59:06 > 0:59:08Can I please go climb that big rock wall?
0:59:08 > 0:59:09Yeah, OK. Just be careful, buddy, all right?
0:59:09 > 0:59:11All right.
0:59:11 > 0:59:12Do you think he can handle that?
0:59:12 > 0:59:13What's the big deal?
0:59:13 > 0:59:16I'm just not sure you've instilled the physical confidence
0:59:16 > 0:59:18for him to shear a face like that.
0:59:18 > 0:59:22Jack, do me a favour. Just let go of the reins a little, OK?
0:59:22 > 0:59:24I'll let go, Greg, when you show me, once and for all,
0:59:24 > 0:59:26that you have what it takes to lead.
0:59:26 > 0:59:28I am in control of my family, all right?
0:59:28 > 0:59:31If I give Henry permission to climb a wall, he can climb a wall.
0:59:31 > 0:59:33If he says he wants to climb the Empire State Building
0:59:33 > 0:59:34and I say it's OK,
0:59:34 > 0:59:36it's OK, because I'm in charge.
0:59:36 > 0:59:38All right? I'm calling the plays now.
0:59:38 > 0:59:41So you just got to step back and accept the fact that I have got this.
0:59:41 > 0:59:42HENRY: Whoa!
0:59:42 > 0:59:43THUD
0:59:44 > 0:59:47Oh, he is such a brave boy, isn't he?
0:59:47 > 0:59:49See, it's not so bad. It's just a slight fracture.
0:59:49 > 0:59:51OK, thanks.
0:59:51 > 0:59:54Hey, Henry, are you doing all right?
0:59:54 > 0:59:56Hey, I came as soon as I heard.
0:59:56 > 0:59:59Prudence told me there was a little bit of a kerfuffle over at EHS.
0:59:59 > 1:00:01Oh, that's an understatement. Thanks to Greg,
1:00:01 > 1:00:03we can wave goodbye to their educational future.
1:00:03 > 1:00:04DINA: Jack.
1:00:04 > 1:00:06- KEVIN:- Oh, no, no. Pru's a forgiving soul.
1:00:06 > 1:00:08I think I can patch things up. In the meantime,
1:00:08 > 1:00:10I got a little something for Hank the Tank here.
1:00:10 > 1:00:14Someone to keep you company until you're reunited with Arthur.
1:00:14 > 1:00:16- What is that? - Thanks, Papa Kev.
1:00:16 > 1:00:18Papa Kev?
1:00:18 > 1:00:19Yeah, old fraternity nickname.
1:00:19 > 1:00:22I told Hank the Tank here he could call me by that handle.
1:00:22 > 1:00:25You're not Hank the Tank. Nobody calls him Hank the Tank.
1:00:25 > 1:00:26You wanna be Papa Greg?
1:00:26 > 1:00:29No, I am Papa... I'm Greg. I'm Greg, his papa.
1:00:29 > 1:00:30So I don't need to be Papa Greg.
1:00:30 > 1:00:32I don't need to put a little thing in front of it.
1:00:32 > 1:00:33WOMAN ON PA: Paging Nurse Focker.
1:00:33 > 1:00:35Pam, we need to talk for a minute.
1:00:35 > 1:00:36Oh, OK. Mom?
1:00:39 > 1:00:40Hey, Louis, what's up?
1:00:40 > 1:00:42What up, dawg? Hey, hottie at 2:00.
1:00:42 > 1:00:44There's the superstar!
1:00:44 > 1:00:45Hey, hi, hi.
1:00:45 > 1:00:47- Hey! - Oh. Hello.
1:00:47 > 1:00:48I have the raddest news ever!
1:00:48 > 1:00:50Really? OK.
1:00:50 > 1:00:53So our VP of marketing heard how well you did
1:00:53 > 1:00:55on your speech last night and guess what?
1:00:55 > 1:00:56What?
1:00:56 > 1:01:00He wants us to lead the Pfosten convention in Maui next month.
1:01:00 > 1:01:02Yeah, that sounds great. Honestly, I'm sorry.
1:01:02 > 1:01:03I'm just a little distracted right now
1:01:03 > 1:01:04cos my son just broke his arm and...
1:01:04 > 1:01:05Oh, poor baby.
1:01:05 > 1:01:06Yeah, so...
1:01:06 > 1:01:08You're a super dad.
1:01:08 > 1:01:10- No, I'm not a super dad. - It is so cute
1:01:10 > 1:01:13how involved you are with your kids.
1:01:13 > 1:01:16No, no, no, that's just what dads do. It's not like a super...
1:01:16 > 1:01:18- Louis! What are you doing? - Is this the book?
1:01:18 > 1:01:19What is... No, go. Come on.
1:01:19 > 1:01:22In the back, right? I got them.
1:01:22 > 1:01:23Sorry, it's just...
1:01:23 > 1:01:25Somebody's grumpy.
1:01:25 > 1:01:27I'm gonna make this brief, Pam-cake.
1:01:27 > 1:01:28I'm not getting any younger.
1:01:28 > 1:01:29- Dad. - No, I want to make sure
1:01:29 > 1:01:32there's someone around besides me who you can fully count on.
1:01:32 > 1:01:34I couldn't help but notice how you and Kevin
1:01:34 > 1:01:36have reconnected these past few days.
1:01:36 > 1:01:39He's financially secure. He's great with the twins.
1:01:39 > 1:01:40Got a heart of gold.
1:01:40 > 1:01:42He's a little goofy, maybe, in his dressing,
1:01:42 > 1:01:43but if that body art is any indication,
1:01:43 > 1:01:45I'd say he's certainly open to the idea.
1:01:46 > 1:01:47What idea?
1:01:48 > 1:01:51The idea of a simple course correction.
1:01:51 > 1:01:53A course correction.
1:01:53 > 1:01:55Greg...Kevin.
1:01:57 > 1:01:59Come on, grumpy daddy! Come to Hawaii.
1:01:59 > 1:02:01OK...
1:02:01 > 1:02:02OK, grumpy daddy will think about it.
1:02:02 > 1:02:04- Yes! - OK, OK.
1:02:04 > 1:02:06Oh! Hey, honey, hi!
1:02:06 > 1:02:10Perfect. Pam, this is Andi. Andi, this is Pam, my wife.
1:02:10 > 1:02:11Hey.
1:02:11 > 1:02:13Hi, it's a... It's a pleasure to meet you.
1:02:13 > 1:02:15It's a pleasure to meet you, too.
1:02:15 > 1:02:17Your husband is a freaking rock star,
1:02:17 > 1:02:19but I'm sure you know how lucky you are.
1:02:19 > 1:02:21- Yeah. - I'm not. She's the rock star.
1:02:21 > 1:02:25She's a rock star mom and just full-on, rocking person.
1:02:25 > 1:02:26Aww.
1:02:26 > 1:02:28And I'm just a groupie
1:02:28 > 1:02:31trying to, you know, carry her amps.
1:02:31 > 1:02:33No, you're... You're... You're the man.
1:02:33 > 1:02:36Everything all right here?
1:02:36 > 1:02:37Yeah, Jack, everything's all right.
1:02:37 > 1:02:39- Pam, do you wanna... - Oh, my God.
1:02:39 > 1:02:43You must be the famous Jack Byrnes.
1:02:43 > 1:02:46Wow. I have heard so much about you.
1:02:46 > 1:02:48I've heard very little about you, Miss Garcia.
1:02:48 > 1:02:51But I do admire your cheerleading photographs.
1:02:51 > 1:02:52Henry's doing much better.
1:02:52 > 1:02:54We were just singing an ancient Yanomamo song
1:02:54 > 1:02:56about a brave warrior who falls from a tree
1:02:56 > 1:02:59while hunting for chimpanzee meat.
1:02:59 > 1:03:01He's good.
1:03:01 > 1:03:03- Hi. - Hi.
1:03:03 > 1:03:06Andi Garcia. Pfosten Pharmaceuticals.
1:03:06 > 1:03:07And you're Doctor...
1:03:07 > 1:03:08No. He's not a doctor.
1:03:08 > 1:03:10Not in the Western sense of the word.
1:03:10 > 1:03:13Not in any sense of the word. You're an investment banker.
1:03:13 > 1:03:15Many hats. Kevin.
1:03:15 > 1:03:16Hi.
1:03:17 > 1:03:18OK, cool.
1:03:18 > 1:03:21Well, I'm gonna mosey on out of here.
1:03:21 > 1:03:22All right.
1:03:22 > 1:03:23Aloha!
1:03:25 > 1:03:27Wow, you told me she sold boner medicine, Greg.
1:03:27 > 1:03:28You didn't tell me she is boner medicine.
1:03:28 > 1:03:29Pam, that's ridiculous.
1:03:29 > 1:03:31You also said you wouldn't pick her out of a lineup, too.
1:03:31 > 1:03:33Wouldn't pick her out of a lineup?
1:03:33 > 1:03:34Greg, that woman is stunning!
1:03:34 > 1:03:36Oh, he's covering, Kevin,
1:03:36 > 1:03:38cos he didn't want Pam to get suspicious.
1:03:38 > 1:03:39- Dad. - Did you see the way his carotid artery
1:03:39 > 1:03:41throbbed when he looked at her?
1:03:41 > 1:03:42- Dad. - Give me a break, Jack. Come on.
1:03:42 > 1:03:44Now this is what I'm talking about, Pam.
1:03:44 > 1:03:46I'm sorry, but this man cannot be trusted.
1:03:46 > 1:03:48Could you for once in your life stay out of my marriage?
1:03:48 > 1:03:49Greg, come on, don't get hysterical.
1:03:49 > 1:03:51I'm not getting hysterical. He's getting hysterical.
1:03:51 > 1:03:53Look, it's natural to get a little tempted.
1:03:53 > 1:03:54Nobody's tempted, nobody's...
1:03:54 > 1:03:56Look, even our dear friend the Buddha
1:03:56 > 1:03:57had to pass through some sorrow
1:03:57 > 1:03:58on his way to enlightenment.
1:03:58 > 1:04:00Our dear friend the Buddha?
1:04:00 > 1:04:02How's he doing? It's been so long.
1:04:02 > 1:04:03Do you ever listen to yourself?
1:04:03 > 1:04:04I try not to.
1:04:04 > 1:04:06I speak from the heart, off the cuff, like my man, JC,
1:04:06 > 1:04:08at the Sermon on the Mount.
1:04:08 > 1:04:10I think that's what you've always admired about me.
1:04:10 > 1:04:12Well, I got news for you. You're not Jesus.
1:04:12 > 1:04:13Well, he may not be Jesus,
1:04:13 > 1:04:15but he's a far better choice for Pam than you are, Greg.
1:04:15 > 1:04:16Dad!
1:04:16 > 1:04:17- I'm sorry... - Would you stop
1:04:17 > 1:04:19with the course-correction stuff?
1:04:19 > 1:04:20- What's the course-correction stuff? - It's nothing.
1:04:20 > 1:04:21I want to hear all about it, Jack.
1:04:21 > 1:04:25You're leading this family onto rocky shoals, Focker,
1:04:25 > 1:04:26and as captain of the ship,
1:04:26 > 1:04:27I'm steering us away to safety.
1:04:27 > 1:04:29Well, you know what? You're not a ship's captain, Jack.
1:04:29 > 1:04:32We're people. We're not on a boat, we're in a hospital. OK?
1:04:32 > 1:04:35We're human beings in a hospital and you're not the captain.
1:04:35 > 1:04:37Well, I may not be the captain, Gregory Focker,
1:04:37 > 1:04:39but you're not the Godfocker!
1:04:40 > 1:04:44Good. Cos I don't want to be the stupid Godfocker.
1:04:44 > 1:04:47I'm the Greg Focker, Jack! All right? I am Greg Focker!
1:04:47 > 1:04:50And by the way, Dr Bob told me you offered him the job first.
1:04:50 > 1:04:51Nice to know I was your sloppy seconds.
1:04:51 > 1:04:53You spoke to Dr Bob?
1:04:53 > 1:04:54Yeah, I did, Jack.
1:04:54 > 1:04:55Had beers with him last night.
1:04:55 > 1:04:56He's in town for a convention.
1:04:56 > 1:04:58That's it. You're done.
1:04:58 > 1:04:59- You're done, it's over, that's it. - You know what?
1:04:59 > 1:05:01You can't tell me I'm done because I already quit.
1:05:01 > 1:05:02- You're done. - I'm getting off the wheel.
1:05:02 > 1:05:03- What wheel? - The wheel!
1:05:03 > 1:05:05The little hamster wheel that we're all running up
1:05:05 > 1:05:07to get a little taste of your little water thingy!
1:05:07 > 1:05:09Just, please, approval! Approval!
1:05:09 > 1:05:10What the hell are you doing?
1:05:10 > 1:05:11Please! Give me some of the Jack...
1:05:11 > 1:05:13It's like a metaphor for your approval...
1:05:13 > 1:05:14Thank you for clearing that up!
1:05:14 > 1:05:16What are you even doing here, Kevin?
1:05:16 > 1:05:17- I'm trying to help. - Why don't you get on
1:05:17 > 1:05:18your stupid monster yacht
1:05:18 > 1:05:20with your bubble-butt Russian girlfriend
1:05:20 > 1:05:23and do Jell-O shots off of Deepak Chopra's butt?
1:05:23 > 1:05:25Greg, don't drag Deepak into this. Please, Greg.
1:05:26 > 1:05:30Hey, Dina. Jack had a heart attack two weeks ago. Adios, folks!
1:05:37 > 1:05:38- AUTOMATED VOICE:- Going down.
1:05:38 > 1:05:40Hey.
1:05:40 > 1:05:41- Hey. - You OK?
1:05:43 > 1:05:44Yeah.
1:05:44 > 1:05:45Need a ride?
1:05:47 > 1:05:50- ON ANSWERING MACHINE: - Hey, it's Pam. Leave me a message.
1:05:50 > 1:05:51- GREG:- Hey, I'm gonna sleep over
1:05:51 > 1:05:53at the new house tonight, all right?
1:05:53 > 1:05:55I just can't deal with your dad right now.
1:05:58 > 1:05:59Are you sure you're gonna be OK?
1:05:59 > 1:06:03Yeah, I think I just need to clear my head. Thanks for the ride.
1:06:03 > 1:06:04No problem.
1:06:07 > 1:06:10Why am I the bad guy here? Greg was the one who was being dishonest.
1:06:10 > 1:06:13Oh, please. All Greg did was downplay that woman's looks,
1:06:13 > 1:06:16so Pam wouldn't be jealous, and you know it.
1:06:16 > 1:06:17You know you did the same thing
1:06:17 > 1:06:19with that gorgeous double agent in Helsinki
1:06:19 > 1:06:20during the Cold War.
1:06:20 > 1:06:23Oh, you're still bringing up Aatukka Kokkonen.
1:06:23 > 1:06:25I told you her beauty was privileged information.
1:06:25 > 1:06:27It was a matter of national security.
1:06:27 > 1:06:29Oh, yes. Like your heart condition?
1:06:29 > 1:06:31Listen, Jack.
1:06:31 > 1:06:33Greg cares about his family
1:06:33 > 1:06:36just as much as you care about yours. All right?
1:06:44 > 1:06:46KNOCKING ON DOOR
1:06:46 > 1:06:47Pam?
1:06:54 > 1:06:57Don't be mad. I totally don't want to harass you.
1:06:57 > 1:07:00You just seemed so sad, I had to bring you some treats.
1:07:00 > 1:07:03Oh. Wow, thanks.
1:07:03 > 1:07:06Some Chinese food. Little wine.
1:07:08 > 1:07:09No offence,
1:07:09 > 1:07:11but does Pam even realise how dope you are?
1:07:11 > 1:07:14Oh, yeah, no. I think she thinks I'm dope.
1:07:14 > 1:07:17It's just, you know,
1:07:17 > 1:07:18it just changes when you have kids,
1:07:18 > 1:07:20you know, because everything becomes focused around them.
1:07:20 > 1:07:21Totally. And I'm sure you're like,
1:07:21 > 1:07:24"Hello! Can I have some fun, too?"
1:07:24 > 1:07:27Yeah, no. I mean, it's fun, but it's just a different kind of fun.
1:07:27 > 1:07:28More wine.
1:07:28 > 1:07:31It's not like old single fun, where you go out.
1:07:31 > 1:07:34It's more like wake up in the morning at 6:00, make the kids breakfast.
1:07:34 > 1:07:36You know, that kind of fun.
1:07:36 > 1:07:38I love it. I mean, they're so cute.
1:07:38 > 1:07:39Like, the other day, Henry came in
1:07:39 > 1:07:42and he had his little top hat on and said,
1:07:42 > 1:07:43"I'm the mayor of the kitchen."
1:07:43 > 1:07:45Oh, he's gonna be the mayor?
1:07:45 > 1:07:47Just out of nowhere he got this idea he wanted to be the mayor.
1:07:47 > 1:07:49And then he came in and he said,
1:07:49 > 1:07:52"And here is a proclamation. You cannot use the 'frigerator."
1:07:52 > 1:07:56And he had a sash on. I think I have a picture of it.
1:07:56 > 1:07:58Yeah. I mean, I'm biased, but he's very creative.
1:08:00 > 1:08:01I'm going to step out for a bit
1:08:01 > 1:08:03and get some milk for the morning.
1:08:03 > 1:08:06Don't, Jack. We both know that's not true.
1:08:07 > 1:08:10I don't know why I still think I can get anything by you.
1:08:10 > 1:08:11Mmm.
1:08:12 > 1:08:15I'm going to find Greg. I'm going to bring him home.
1:08:15 > 1:08:16You know where he is?
1:08:16 > 1:08:18I have an idea.
1:08:18 > 1:08:21And for the record, nothing ever happened with Aatukka Kokkonen.
1:08:23 > 1:08:24ANDI: Aw.
1:08:24 > 1:08:27- GREG:- And this is the play that she wrote called Tropical Seas.
1:08:27 > 1:08:28They're so cute.
1:08:28 > 1:08:29Yeah. They really are.
1:08:31 > 1:08:32That's you!
1:08:32 > 1:08:35Yes. I am an algae-seaweed-type plant.
1:08:35 > 1:08:37You know, I got to go home.
1:08:37 > 1:08:39Yeah, I totally get that.
1:08:39 > 1:08:41HE GRUNTS
1:08:41 > 1:08:42Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1:08:42 > 1:08:44Andi, Andi, no, no, no.
1:08:44 > 1:08:46- Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Andi, I think I gave you the wrong idea. No...
1:09:12 > 1:09:14Greg, ever since we tag-teamed on that enema,
1:09:14 > 1:09:15I've wanted you.
1:09:15 > 1:09:19It was just an enema. Really, I think you're idealising the enema.
1:09:19 > 1:09:21Andi, you know what, I think you might have had a little too much wine.
1:09:21 > 1:09:25Wine is fine, papi! I took a few Sustengo.
1:09:25 > 1:09:27You took a Sustengo? Why would you do that?
1:09:29 > 1:09:30That's crazy. I'm gonna call a cab.
1:09:34 > 1:09:36Can I see more pictures of your kids?
1:09:37 > 1:09:40Definitely not. You can't... You got to put your thing back on.
1:09:40 > 1:09:42Don't be a grumpy daddy!
1:09:42 > 1:09:43I'm not being a grumpy... You got to...
1:09:43 > 1:09:45SHE GROWLS
1:10:09 > 1:10:11No, Andi! Andi, give me the phone!
1:10:11 > 1:10:13- You want it? - I do want it.
1:10:13 > 1:10:15- Come and get it. - I want... I...
1:10:15 > 1:10:17- Andi, it's not funny. - Oooh!
1:10:17 > 1:10:19Let's go swimming!
1:10:19 > 1:10:20Andi, no, it's not a pool.
1:10:20 > 1:10:22Is it heated? Is there a grotto?
1:10:22 > 1:10:25No, no, it's a pit! Andi, don't do this.
1:10:25 > 1:10:27Come on! Put your clothes back on. All right?
1:10:27 > 1:10:29Andi, no! That's not nice!
1:10:29 > 1:10:31You don't throw people's phones in pits, OK?
1:10:31 > 1:10:32You're mean!
1:10:32 > 1:10:34Andi, put the clothes back on! Come on!
1:10:34 > 1:10:36I hate you!
1:10:36 > 1:10:38HE SCREAMS
1:10:38 > 1:10:39Belly flop!
1:10:40 > 1:10:42SHE SCREAMS
1:10:56 > 1:10:58CHILDREN CHATTERING
1:11:01 > 1:11:02You really don't know where Greg is?
1:11:02 > 1:11:05Honey, I struck out.
1:11:05 > 1:11:07I guess my skills just aren't what they used to be.
1:11:07 > 1:11:09Look who it is. There they are!
1:11:09 > 1:11:10Hey, Kevin!
1:11:10 > 1:11:12- Kevin. - Quite a shindig.
1:11:12 > 1:11:14Well, you only turn five once.
1:11:14 > 1:11:15Or twice, in this case.
1:11:15 > 1:11:18- Now, I've got a little surprise for you, Jack. - Gustavo?
1:11:20 > 1:11:21Is that who I think it is?
1:11:21 > 1:11:22- KEVIN:- You'd better believe it.
1:11:22 > 1:11:24Jinxy!
1:11:24 > 1:11:26When I heard about your health issues last night,
1:11:26 > 1:11:27I knew I had to fly him out here.
1:11:27 > 1:11:30Kevin, incredibly thoughtful of you. Thank you.
1:11:30 > 1:11:32How come Daddy's not here?
1:11:32 > 1:11:34Is it because I was mean to him?
1:11:34 > 1:11:37No, honey, absolutely not, sweetheart.
1:11:37 > 1:11:39It's because Grandpa was mean to him.
1:11:39 > 1:11:42But he's coming! He's coming. He will be here, OK?
1:11:42 > 1:11:44So, let's go have some more fun.
1:11:44 > 1:11:46All right? Let's go. Let's go see what else there is.
1:11:52 > 1:11:53BERNIE: Just wait one sec!
1:11:55 > 1:11:56Gay!
1:12:03 > 1:12:04Gay!
1:12:06 > 1:12:07Gay?
1:12:08 > 1:12:10- Dad. - What's that hole?
1:12:10 > 1:12:12Why are you so muddy? Where is everyone?
1:12:12 > 1:12:14They're at Kevin's.
1:12:14 > 1:12:15- The party's over at Kevin's. - I got to get over there.
1:12:15 > 1:12:17- The kids' party's at Kevin's? - I thought you were in Spain.
1:12:17 > 1:12:20I was, but I can't miss my little gazugas turning five.
1:12:20 > 1:12:21How are you?
1:12:21 > 1:12:24Hey! Oh, man. I'm so sorry.
1:12:25 > 1:12:28I was so messed up last night.
1:12:30 > 1:12:31Who's that?
1:12:31 > 1:12:32That is... Dad, that's Andi Garcia.
1:12:32 > 1:12:33- Oh. - She's a work colleague of mine.
1:12:33 > 1:12:35Oh, hi, Dad!
1:12:35 > 1:12:37Yeah. She took a few too many prescription pills
1:12:37 > 1:12:38and then she pushed me in the pit.
1:12:38 > 1:12:40Total party foul. My bad on that one.
1:12:40 > 1:12:42- Garcia? Is that Spanish? - OK, we got to go.
1:12:42 > 1:12:44Yeah. My grandparents are from Sevilla.
1:12:44 > 1:12:47Are you kidding? I was just in Seville, mastering the flamenco!
1:12:47 > 1:12:48- No way! - Dad.
1:12:48 > 1:12:50What? But I got to show her a few moves.
1:12:50 > 1:12:51Her grandparents are from Seville.
1:12:51 > 1:12:53- Dad, no, no! Dad, I got to go! - OK.
1:12:53 > 1:12:54HE SPEAKS SPANISH
1:12:54 > 1:12:56Ole!
1:12:57 > 1:12:58Your dad's really good.
1:12:58 > 1:13:01The faster you go indicates an increase in sexual prowess.
1:13:01 > 1:13:02Andi, good luck.
1:13:02 > 1:13:03- Adios, Pops.- Adios.
1:13:05 > 1:13:08It's a good thing you pulled me away. I was starting to get a semi.
1:13:08 > 1:13:10- Oh, Dad, please. - It's involuntary.
1:13:10 > 1:13:14It's the parasympathetic nervous system. Flamenco's very sexual.
1:13:14 > 1:13:15Well, just so you know, nothing happened with her.
1:13:15 > 1:13:18I know that. We're Fockers. That's not the way we roll.
1:13:18 > 1:13:21But I know something went down with the family. You OK?
1:13:21 > 1:13:25Yeah, just the usual Jack stuff. You OK?
1:13:25 > 1:13:28Your mom was right. Man-opause. Makes me act like a lunatic.
1:13:28 > 1:13:30You know, I get a little nutty.
1:13:31 > 1:13:33Grandma Roz! Grandma Roz!
1:13:33 > 1:13:34My God.
1:13:34 > 1:13:38There she is! My little scrunchie-munchie. Let me look at you, baby.
1:13:38 > 1:13:41Oh, you look so cute. Do you mind if we sit down, honey?
1:13:41 > 1:13:44Have a little chat. Cos Grandma's feet hurt.
1:13:44 > 1:13:49So, I hear you're not speaking to your father.
1:13:49 > 1:13:51Is that true?
1:13:51 > 1:13:54Well, let me tell you something about men, Samantha.
1:13:54 > 1:13:59They... They... They're told to be tough and hard, you know?
1:13:59 > 1:14:04But inside, they're quite soft and gooey.
1:14:04 > 1:14:06Kind of like a cannoli.
1:14:07 > 1:14:09A knish? It's not exactly that.
1:14:09 > 1:14:13It's more like peanut butter and jelly inside burnt toast.
1:14:13 > 1:14:15BOTH LAUGH
1:14:15 > 1:14:18And once you know that, you can cut them a little slack.
1:14:18 > 1:14:19Besides, you'll have plenty of time
1:14:19 > 1:14:21to aggravate him in your teens.
1:14:21 > 1:14:22Grandma!
1:14:22 > 1:14:25Hi, honey! Look at you, how big you got!
1:14:25 > 1:14:26Hi, sweetheart.
1:14:26 > 1:14:29Come here and give me a Focker sandwich. OK, I'm the cheese.
1:14:29 > 1:14:31- We're cheese! - I'm the cheese.
1:14:31 > 1:14:33No, I'm the cheese and you're the bread.
1:14:33 > 1:14:34We're sourdough.
1:14:34 > 1:14:37Attention! Attention!
1:14:43 > 1:14:45CROWD CHEER
1:14:52 > 1:14:55Henry and Samantha! Today you are five!
1:15:00 > 1:15:02- This way. - OK, thank you.
1:15:06 > 1:15:08Dad.
1:15:08 > 1:15:09- Yeah. - You coming?
1:15:09 > 1:15:10Yeah. I just want to practise the dance
1:15:10 > 1:15:12I'm gonna surprise your mother with.
1:15:12 > 1:15:13Go ahead.
1:15:13 > 1:15:14OK. I'll see you down there.
1:15:14 > 1:15:16Gay?
1:15:16 > 1:15:18My two cents. The way to deal with Jack,
1:15:18 > 1:15:21no matter what he does, just smother that guy with kisses.
1:15:21 > 1:15:22He'll be putty in your hands.
1:15:22 > 1:15:23Good.
1:15:23 > 1:15:24- Love, love, love. - Good, putty, thank you.
1:15:24 > 1:15:26- Oh, Gay. - Yes.
1:15:27 > 1:15:29You look good.
1:15:29 > 1:15:30Thank you.
1:15:31 > 1:15:32All right.
1:15:36 > 1:15:37- Can you do me a favour? - OK.
1:15:37 > 1:15:40Can you just put this leg down slowly? It's an old sex injury.
1:15:40 > 1:15:41- Like this? - Yeah.
1:15:44 > 1:15:45Oh, my gosh.
1:15:47 > 1:15:50This performance is my gift to you!
1:15:50 > 1:15:52- You are the chosen ones! - Pam.
1:15:54 > 1:15:56- Pam! - Greg.
1:15:56 > 1:15:58KEVIN: I pronounce this your day!
1:15:58 > 1:15:59Oh, what happened to you?
1:15:59 > 1:16:01Oh, it's... I...
1:16:02 > 1:16:04I'll tell you about it later, OK?
1:16:04 > 1:16:06Look, I'm really sorry about what happened.
1:16:06 > 1:16:07- I just... - I'm sorry, too.
1:16:07 > 1:16:10I let everything get out of control and I shouldn't have.
1:16:10 > 1:16:11It's just... It's just your dad.
1:16:11 > 1:16:13- You know, I... - I know. He's insane.
1:16:14 > 1:16:16Yes. Yes.
1:16:17 > 1:16:20Listen to me. We've got our own thing and it works.
1:16:21 > 1:16:22It does, right?
1:16:22 > 1:16:24Yeah, we actually kind of know what we're doing.
1:16:24 > 1:16:27- I love you. - I love you.
1:16:30 > 1:16:32Hey, Sam! Happy birthday.
1:16:32 > 1:16:34Look, I know you don't want to talk to me.
1:16:34 > 1:16:35I just want you to know that's OK.
1:16:35 > 1:16:37I love you anyway.
1:16:37 > 1:16:39I know, Daddy.
1:16:42 > 1:16:43Dad!
1:16:43 > 1:16:44There he is!
1:16:44 > 1:16:46Hey, happy birthday, man!
1:16:46 > 1:16:48Hey, look, I think you left something at home.
1:16:50 > 1:16:51Arthur!
1:16:51 > 1:16:53- Yeah. - Thanks, Dad.
1:16:53 > 1:16:55CROWD GASPS
1:16:59 > 1:17:01It's so beautiful.
1:17:04 > 1:17:05HE SCREAMS
1:17:05 > 1:17:06Oh, my God.
1:17:06 > 1:17:07Oh, gosh.
1:17:11 > 1:17:12I'm all right.
1:17:12 > 1:17:16Gustavo! Birthday cake! Birthday cake! Try the birthday cake.
1:17:16 > 1:17:18There's 36 different kinds!
1:17:26 > 1:17:27Kevin?
1:17:27 > 1:17:28Rosalind.
1:17:30 > 1:17:33What a mitzvah that you could make it to the party.
1:17:33 > 1:17:34What's wrong, honey?
1:17:34 > 1:17:36I wish I knew.
1:17:36 > 1:17:37Come. Sit down.
1:17:39 > 1:17:43Look over this way a little bit. And a little up. Up.
1:17:44 > 1:17:46Hey, Jack.
1:17:47 > 1:17:49Wow, that's great. That's a great likeness.
1:17:51 > 1:17:52That's really...
1:17:52 > 1:17:56It really captured the intensity and looks just like you.
1:17:56 > 1:17:57All right. So, look, last night,
1:17:57 > 1:17:59I think we both said some things we regret.
1:17:59 > 1:18:02Maybe I shouldn't have said anything about Dr Bob.
1:18:02 > 1:18:05But then you did that whole course-correction thing. So...
1:18:05 > 1:18:09Anyway, "peace" of cake offering.
1:18:15 > 1:18:17What the hell?
1:18:19 > 1:18:21Oh, shit.
1:18:21 > 1:18:24Jack, you all right? Jack, I'm sorry.
1:18:24 > 1:18:25Jack, you OK?
1:18:26 > 1:18:30OK, Focker. At least you're going to make this a little fun.
1:18:31 > 1:18:34Jack. Let's not do this. Come on.
1:18:34 > 1:18:37We've had this date since the beginning, Greg.
1:18:37 > 1:18:38Ow!
1:18:40 > 1:18:43All right. Let's dance.
1:18:43 > 1:18:44Come on, man.
1:19:04 > 1:19:05Jack?
1:19:14 > 1:19:15Where are you? Jack!
1:19:19 > 1:19:20Jack?
1:19:26 > 1:19:31Get out of the ball pit! Get out of the ball pit! Get out!
1:19:31 > 1:19:32Let's go.
1:19:32 > 1:19:34Get out! Get out of the ball pit!
1:19:34 > 1:19:35Get out!
1:19:35 > 1:19:38CHILDREN SCREAM
1:19:38 > 1:19:39Jack?
1:19:44 > 1:19:45JACK ROARS
1:19:49 > 1:19:52I saw you last night with Andi Garcia!
1:19:53 > 1:19:54Nothing happened!
1:19:56 > 1:19:57I've been in the wild for so long,
1:19:57 > 1:19:59that maybe it's time to come home.
1:19:59 > 1:20:00But then where is home?
1:20:00 > 1:20:03Honey, home is inside of you.
1:20:03 > 1:20:07What you have been seeking out there is right in here.
1:20:07 > 1:20:09- In your heart? - No, in your heart.
1:20:09 > 1:20:10In my heart.
1:20:10 > 1:20:12Yes, yes, Kevin.
1:20:28 > 1:20:29Suck it!
1:20:32 > 1:20:36Arthur? Arthur? Mom! Arthur's missing!
1:20:52 > 1:20:53Jack! Nothing happened.
1:20:55 > 1:20:57- What'd you say? - Jack, nothing happened.
1:20:57 > 1:20:58I'm telling you the truth.
1:20:59 > 1:21:01Oh, shit.
1:21:03 > 1:21:07Jinxy! Jinxy! Bad cat! Bad cat!
1:21:07 > 1:21:09Jinx! Bad cat!
1:21:09 > 1:21:11Jinx!
1:21:12 > 1:21:14Jinx! Jinx!
1:21:14 > 1:21:16Oh, shit.
1:21:16 > 1:21:19Kevin, you are a lovely young man
1:21:19 > 1:21:23with a number of unusual fixations and hobbies.
1:21:23 > 1:21:25- Thank you.- I know you're going to find your way.
1:21:25 > 1:21:28Trust me, honey. Because you have the strength of a lion
1:21:28 > 1:21:30and the soul of a poet.
1:21:31 > 1:21:33MUFFLED PROTEST
1:21:34 > 1:21:35- BERNIE:- Roz?
1:21:37 > 1:21:39Bernie? What are you doing here?
1:21:40 > 1:21:42What are you doing here?
1:21:42 > 1:21:43The guy has issues, honey.
1:21:43 > 1:21:45Bernard, I swear this isn't what it looks like.
1:21:45 > 1:21:48Your wife was comforting me in a moment of distress
1:21:48 > 1:21:50and my soul just reached out to her.
1:21:50 > 1:21:51Your soul or your tongue?
1:21:51 > 1:21:52No. There was no tongue involved.
1:21:52 > 1:21:54There was a little.
1:21:54 > 1:21:55Thank you for your honesty.
1:21:55 > 1:21:58I thought you were in Spain, honey. What happened?
1:21:58 > 1:21:59What happened?
1:21:59 > 1:22:02I went halfway around the world to master the flamenco,
1:22:02 > 1:22:04but there was one thing missing,
1:22:04 > 1:22:06my dance partner.
1:22:06 > 1:22:08Oh, Bernie.
1:22:08 > 1:22:10You're my true north.
1:22:10 > 1:22:12I know as long as we're together, I'll never get lost.
1:22:12 > 1:22:15Oh, what a beautiful line.
1:22:15 > 1:22:17Come here, baby.
1:22:17 > 1:22:20That's beautiful. So raw, this electricity...
1:22:20 > 1:22:23Will you get out of here so I can shtup my wife?
1:22:23 > 1:22:25Shtup her? Yeah, sure.
1:22:25 > 1:22:26- GREG:- Jinx!
1:22:26 > 1:22:29HENRY: Grandpa! Grandpa! What's wrong?
1:22:29 > 1:22:30Jack?
1:22:30 > 1:22:31Jack. Jack.
1:22:31 > 1:22:33Jack.
1:22:33 > 1:22:34Honey. Greg, do something.
1:22:34 > 1:22:36- OK. Having some chest pain? - Yeah.
1:22:36 > 1:22:38All right. Just relax. I'm gonna check you out.
1:22:38 > 1:22:39What's wrong with Grandpa?
1:22:39 > 1:22:40- PAM:- He's gonna be fine, honey.
1:22:40 > 1:22:43OK, I'm here. OK.
1:22:43 > 1:22:45Jack, you have your nitro tabs with you?
1:22:45 > 1:22:47Greg, he's not responding to my treatment.
1:22:47 > 1:22:51Really? To you waving your hands over him? He's not a Ouija board, Kevin.
1:22:51 > 1:22:52Pam? Call 911.
1:22:52 > 1:22:53OK.
1:22:53 > 1:22:55Kevin, can you go up to the house, see if you have some aspirin?
1:22:55 > 1:22:57- Aspirin. - It's all right.
1:22:58 > 1:22:59Jinx!
1:23:05 > 1:23:07- Arthur! - Wow.
1:23:07 > 1:23:09Thanks, Dad.
1:23:09 > 1:23:11SIREN WAILS
1:23:11 > 1:23:14Just relax, Jack. It's going to be OK.
1:23:14 > 1:23:16Breathe, breathe.
1:23:16 > 1:23:17I promise.
1:23:18 > 1:23:20Is he taking any other medications?
1:23:23 > 1:23:25Just the 324 milligrams of aspirin
1:23:25 > 1:23:27I gave him about 15 minutes ago.
1:23:27 > 1:23:29Thank you, nurse. You did good. We'll take it from here.
1:23:29 > 1:23:31By the way, how'd you guys come by
1:23:31 > 1:23:32all these bruises and lacerations?
1:23:32 > 1:23:34Oh, it's a long story.
1:23:34 > 1:23:37We were in the bouncy castle, and then he tripped, and...
1:23:37 > 1:23:40I get it. My father-in-law "tripped"
1:23:40 > 1:23:43through a plate glass window at my wedding last year.
1:23:43 > 1:23:45All right. Let's get him loaded up.
1:23:45 > 1:23:47Don't worry. We'll take care of your husband.
1:23:47 > 1:23:50We're gonna follow behind you in the car. All right?
1:23:50 > 1:23:51Greg.
1:23:52 > 1:23:55I know you were telling the truth about Andi, Greg.
1:23:55 > 1:23:58- Really? - Yeah.
1:23:58 > 1:24:00The pulse on your carotid artery remained steady
1:24:00 > 1:24:03as you pleaded your innocence.
1:24:03 > 1:24:04Right, of course.
1:24:05 > 1:24:07- And, Greg? - Yeah.
1:24:07 > 1:24:11It was never going to be Dr Bob. It was you.
1:24:11 > 1:24:12It was always you.
1:24:12 > 1:24:15You just relax and stay quiet, Mr Byrnes.
1:24:15 > 1:24:16I'll see you over there. OK?
1:24:16 > 1:24:18- MUFFLED:- ...Focker.
1:24:18 > 1:24:19Why is he cursing at us?
1:24:19 > 1:24:21Hey, we are trying to help you, sir.
1:24:21 > 1:24:23What? What?
1:24:25 > 1:24:27You're the Greg Focker.
1:24:27 > 1:24:29I'm sorry, what?
1:24:29 > 1:24:33You're the... You're the Greg Focker.
1:24:36 > 1:24:38I'm the Greg Focker.
1:24:44 > 1:24:46OK. OK.
1:24:48 > 1:24:49OK.
1:24:49 > 1:24:50EMT: Let's get him up.
1:25:10 > 1:25:11ALL CHATTERING
1:25:15 > 1:25:17- BERNIE:- One more. - I need more. I need more.
1:25:17 > 1:25:18One more, one more.
1:25:18 > 1:25:19No, I need more.
1:25:19 > 1:25:20- Another present. BERNIE:- Here.
1:25:20 > 1:25:22Best Chistmakkah ever.
1:25:22 > 1:25:24This is a very special gift, guys.
1:25:24 > 1:25:25HENRY: One more, cool!
1:25:25 > 1:25:27What is it, Grandpa Bernie?
1:25:27 > 1:25:28I've had it with me my entire life.
1:25:28 > 1:25:30It's my own original whoopee cushion.
1:25:30 > 1:25:32- What does it do? - Are you kidding me?
1:25:32 > 1:25:34Jack, lift up your leg.
1:25:35 > 1:25:36Jack, come on.
1:25:37 > 1:25:39FARTING NOISE
1:25:39 > 1:25:40ALL LAUGH
1:25:40 > 1:25:42- ROZ:- Disgusting!
1:25:42 > 1:25:44It farts!
1:25:44 > 1:25:46Jack, we have to laugh at the stuff that makes us human, right?
1:25:46 > 1:25:49Gas, burps. Picking noses?
1:25:49 > 1:25:51You kids want to pick your nose and flick your boogers, do it.
1:25:51 > 1:25:52Hey, Bernie.
1:25:52 > 1:25:54But do it only when it's dry.
1:25:54 > 1:25:55- Don't do a wet one. - I have something for Jack.
1:25:55 > 1:25:57- Take that to your room. - It's what makes life, life!
1:25:57 > 1:25:59I know. I know. Here, Jack,
1:25:59 > 1:26:02this is a little something from Bernie and me to you.
1:26:02 > 1:26:03Oh, how thoughtful. Thank you.
1:26:03 > 1:26:05It is a very thoughtful gift.
1:26:05 > 1:26:06It was your idea.
1:26:06 > 1:26:07I know.
1:26:07 > 1:26:09- What's this? - ROZ: What is that?
1:26:09 > 1:26:12That is your own personal yarmulke!
1:26:12 > 1:26:13Jack!
1:26:13 > 1:26:15One of those little Jewish hats.
1:26:15 > 1:26:16ROZ: Cute.
1:26:16 > 1:26:18- BERNIE:- We know that you're into that genealogy stuff.
1:26:18 > 1:26:20So, when I was nursing you back to health,
1:26:20 > 1:26:23I took the opportunity, when you were taking a nap,
1:26:23 > 1:26:24of snipping a couple of your pubes
1:26:24 > 1:26:27and I sent it to one of those DNA testing sites.
1:26:27 > 1:26:28You did what?
1:26:28 > 1:26:31We thought it'd be fun to trace your lineage all the way back.
1:26:31 > 1:26:33- BERNIE:- Yes. And it turns out, Jack T Byrnes,
1:26:33 > 1:26:36that you are one twenty-third Israelite!
1:26:36 > 1:26:38Welcome to the tribe, Jack!
1:26:38 > 1:26:40While I dispute the findings, I appreciate the gesture.
1:26:40 > 1:26:41Thank you, Bernard, Roz.
1:26:41 > 1:26:42You're welcome, Ya'akov.
1:26:42 > 1:26:44- Your Hebrew name. - Ya'akov.
1:26:44 > 1:26:45- BERNIE:- Ya'akov. - Ya'akov.
1:26:45 > 1:26:47- BERNIE:- Two As.
1:26:47 > 1:26:49Well, listen, Greg, we're in your home
1:26:49 > 1:26:52and you're in charge here, so why don't you lead us in a toast?
1:26:52 > 1:26:53Right.
1:26:53 > 1:26:56Honestly, Jack, I have no desire
1:26:56 > 1:26:57to try and sound like I am
1:26:57 > 1:27:00in any way in charge of anything in this house.
1:27:00 > 1:27:02But I do love our family very, very much.
1:27:02 > 1:27:08And I'm really happy that we can all be here together for the weekend.
1:27:08 > 1:27:11Then we'll part ways and you guys will return to your homes
1:27:11 > 1:27:12- in your own respective states. - Cheers.
1:27:12 > 1:27:14- Cheers. - Cheers.
1:27:14 > 1:27:17Actually, sweetheart, your dad and I have a little...
1:27:17 > 1:27:20- Gaylord, we're moving to Chicago.- Ha!
1:27:20 > 1:27:22No, we're serious. We sold Focker Isle.
1:27:22 > 1:27:25We just bought the house two doors down. Isn't that great?
1:27:25 > 1:27:27- No, that's not great. - Oh, no, if they're moving here,
1:27:27 > 1:27:28- then we're moving here. - Good!
1:27:28 > 1:27:31We'll live together, one big happy family.
1:27:31 > 1:27:32No. No. No. Jack,
1:27:32 > 1:27:34nobody's moving because nobody's moving. Right?
1:27:34 > 1:27:37- BERNIE:- How else are the kids gonna be Fockerised if we don't live here?
1:27:37 > 1:27:39No. Nobody's going to be Fockerised.
1:27:39 > 1:27:41- No. - Why not?
1:27:43 > 1:27:46This Google is a wonderful tool, Jinxy cat.
1:27:47 > 1:27:50Don't tell anyone, but I'm going to do a search on myself.
1:28:07 > 1:28:09Come on. Who needs something like this?
1:28:09 > 1:28:12Who's the target demo for a drug like Sustengo?
1:28:12 > 1:28:15And I got to say it's somebody like my father-in-law.
1:28:15 > 1:28:17His name is Jack Byrnes. You know, he had a heart attack
1:28:17 > 1:28:21and he called me up, he said, "Greg, I've had a heart attack."
1:28:21 > 1:28:22Now, I said, "First of all, Jack,
1:28:22 > 1:28:24"don't you have to have a heart to get one of those?"
1:28:24 > 1:28:25LAUGHTER
1:28:25 > 1:28:28First weekend I ever met him, he said to me, he said,
1:28:28 > 1:28:34"Hey, listen, keep your snake in its cage for the next 72 hours."
1:28:34 > 1:28:35I didn't say it like that.
1:28:35 > 1:28:37All right. Maybe somebody's had their snake
1:28:37 > 1:28:41in their cage for about 30 years! OK?
1:28:41 > 1:28:42Whoa, Dr Patel knows what I'm talking about...
1:28:42 > 1:28:44Remix. What's a remix?
1:28:44 > 1:28:46- You know, the guy is definitely obsessed... - RAP SONG PLAYS
1:28:46 > 1:28:48- GREG RAPPING: - Byrnes, Jack Byrnes
1:28:48 > 1:28:49My father-in-law My father-in-law
1:28:49 > 1:28:51Byrnes, Jack Byrnes
1:28:51 > 1:28:53Candidate for the drug Obsessed with sex
1:28:53 > 1:28:55Byrnes, Jack Byrnes
1:28:55 > 1:28:56Not getting it up
1:28:56 > 1:28:58Jack, Jack Byrnes
1:28:58 > 1:29:00Talk about sexual frustration
1:29:00 > 1:29:01Byrnes
1:29:01 > 1:29:03Obsessed with boobs He can breast-feed his grandson
1:29:03 > 1:29:04Jack Byrnes
1:29:04 > 1:29:07Mannary gland Couple of tugs off the thing himself
1:29:07 > 1:29:08Hey, Focker
1:29:08 > 1:29:09I never did that.
1:29:09 > 1:29:11Hey, Focker, I got nipples OK
1:29:11 > 1:29:12Hey, Focker, I got nipples Wow
1:29:12 > 1:29:14Can you milk me?
1:29:14 > 1:29:16Circle of trust goes round and round
1:29:16 > 1:29:17Jack Circle of trust goes round and round
1:29:17 > 1:29:19Byrnes Circle of trust goes round and round
1:29:19 > 1:29:21Jack
1:29:21 > 1:29:23Hello! Hot little number he's got named Jinxy
1:29:23 > 1:29:25Now, he's talking about you.
1:29:25 > 1:29:26Hot little number he's got named Jinxy
1:29:26 > 1:29:29Jinxy cat, Jinxy cat I love you
1:29:29 > 1:29:30The Godfocker.
1:29:30 > 1:29:32JINXY HISSES