0:00:08 > 0:00:09Midnight.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Time we turned in.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Tell us another story.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15A ghost story.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Tell us about that crazy woman in the lighthouse.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19She's not crazy.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22She's a lovely, gentle woman.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26In fact, a long time ago, under different circumstances,
0:00:26 > 0:00:28we could have been...
0:00:31 > 0:00:32..never mind.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35But don't be unkind.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Poor Frances McGillvray has had her share of tragedy.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45She had a sister once - Rhonda.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49As youngsters they were inseparable.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54And then Frances met a handsome fisherman by the name of Nicol.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Rhonda took a shine to him too but she wasn't as bonny as
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Frances and he never noticed her.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07A jealousy grew inside the sister and hardened like a black diamond.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Frances and Nicol decided to marry...
0:01:12 > 0:01:17..so one night Rhonda climbed to the top of that very lighthouse.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21She looked down at the dark foaming waters below...
0:01:22 > 0:01:24..and leapt to her doom.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27SHE SCREAMS
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Some say
0:01:30 > 0:01:33that plain old Rhonda never perished.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41That she roams this island to this very day, living off the land,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44one eye missing, teeth all broken.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Oh, there's a curse on that lighthouse and all who set
0:01:50 > 0:01:51foot in it.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Everyone who sets foot in it gets cursed?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Everyone.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01My mum's the cleaner there, is she cursed?
0:02:01 > 0:02:02How often does she clean it?
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Twice a week.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Cursed.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Postman?
0:02:05 > 0:02:09He'd be all right, see, cos it's just his fingers in the letterbox.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11What if he goes in for a cup of tea?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Probably cursed.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16- It's a bed and breakfast, isn't it? - Yes!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Aye, and it's got four stars on Trip Advisor.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Look, all I know is if you set foot in that lighthouse you're cursed.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24What if you've come back from the war, your feet have been
0:02:24 > 0:02:27blown off by a land mine and you enter in a wheelchair?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30It is possible to be too clever, Sunny Jim.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32He's talking shite.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Ach, a good story's beyond you lot.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Away back to your iPads and your Game Boys.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39What's a Game Boy?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Shut yer hole, ya wee dick.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51He's an alkie, man.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53HOOT
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Let's go, let's go. You all right? You going to be sick?
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Allow me, lass.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59I've got this, driver.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01All ashore that's coming ashore!
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Back on dry land, princess.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Excuse me.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13What?
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Can I have my hat back, please?
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Gregor! I'm so sorry.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21I'm sorry.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Prick.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57I can't stay in that.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Come on, it's just for a few nights.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02No, really, it's my heights thing.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06You're not scared of heights. Phobias are made up pish.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07I used to have a phobia.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Of books?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I used to have a phobia of being a skinny wee ride and now I'm not.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13That's not a phobia.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18HARSH CAW
0:05:19 > 0:05:21It's only a bird. Don't get birdophobia.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25It's looking at me.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27It's got a brain the size of a pea.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30You'll get on well with it then.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33That's my girl, a bit of fighting spirit.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34See, he's away.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47This place is beautiful.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Heh, Lana...
0:05:50 > 0:05:52CAWING, SHE SCREAMS
0:05:52 > 0:05:56What are you pecking at, you dick? Get off my bird...
0:05:56 > 0:05:57bird.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59You OK?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02That was horrible. Did you see that? It went for me deliberately.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04No, it didn't.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05You're bleeding.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06You needing some assistance here?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08We're fine, thanks.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12You'll need some antiseptic balm on that right away.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Here...allow me.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20All right, House, it's just a scratch.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22Are you OK?
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Did those birds have a crack at you, dear? Bold as brass.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31She's fine.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34They've no fear. Welcome to West Skerra Light.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36You must be Lana and Gregor.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I'm Gregor. This is Lana.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39I don't know who this clown is.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44I'd be honoured to have such a fine young lass on my arm, but alas, no.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I'm Tom Cullen. Pleased to finally meet you, Mrs McGillvray.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Call me Frances.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Frances it is.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Would you like a wee shortbread?
0:06:51 > 0:06:52We're off sugar.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Aren't I lucky? Two big, fine strapping men.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Two? Who's the other one?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Kidding on, pal. Pulling your pisser.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Aren't you the pretty young thing? Come on into the warm.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Come on.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22The bathroom is shared.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25No peeing in the sinks because you can't be bothered trekking
0:07:25 > 0:07:26down the hall.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28I'll know if you have.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31I was born in the morning but I wasn't born this morning.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33There's no tea and coffee in the rooms but there are biscuits,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35which are 50p per biscuit or two for a pound.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39If you want a hot bath you'll need 50ps for the meter.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41And you'll have to space the baths two hours apart,
0:07:41 > 0:07:42cos the boiler's quite small.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45If you need anything else, anything at all,
0:07:45 > 0:07:48don't, don't, don't hesitate to ask.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Do you have any paracetamol?
0:07:50 > 0:07:51No.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53How much for a duster?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57That area's off limits to guests, dear.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02So full of history, it's intoxicating.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Defo, my man. We'll be getting intoxicated tonight, eh?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08That's a striking painting.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Thank you. My husband loves it.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13It's historically relevant to this lighthouse.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Two Spanish ships were caught in a terrific storm.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21This boat, La Doncella de la Muerte, roughly translated as
0:08:21 > 0:08:25The Maiden of Death, was lost with all souls on board.
0:08:25 > 0:08:31But this boat, La Cortez, roughly translated the Cortez, ran aground
0:08:31 > 0:08:35and that's why the lighthouse was built by my ancestors.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38And, eh, who are these chaps here?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40That's the brothers Jiminez.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42I think it's pronounced Himinez.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Is it really, dearie?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49So what happened to the Himini, Jimini, Himini,
0:08:49 > 0:08:51what happened to the brothers?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53They survived and made it out the water.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Then they all fell out and ate the youngest.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Then the middle one caved in the eldest ones head with
0:08:57 > 0:09:00a rock and he got ate.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02So then there was one?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Yes, until the British Militia arrived and shot him to bits
0:09:05 > 0:09:07for being a filthy foreign cannibal.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Bad luck seems to dog this place.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14But the council tax is low.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Is the painting included in the price?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Yes. The artworks are integral.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22I feel they belong here.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Price?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I was going to tell you tonight, Lana.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Tell me what?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I'm wanting to buy the lighthouse.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30We all are.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32That's why we're here.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Yeah...
0:09:33 > 0:09:35What?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38It was a surprise but she hoored it.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Thanks, love.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Well, you need to understand, young man,
0:09:42 > 0:09:43my family's lived in
0:09:43 > 0:09:45this lighthouse for generations.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I won't just sell to the highest bidder.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51I need to know that my home is going into the right hands.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52To the right sort of person.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56While you're all vetting the lighthouse,
0:09:56 > 0:09:57I'll be vetting you.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02A WOMAN SHOUTS
0:10:03 > 0:10:07These slacks are clean on. You're making it worse, Bill.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Who wears a white trouser in Scotland mid-winter?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12You should be wearing a brown trouser.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Well, you would say that with the carnage that goes on in your trousers.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17What are you talking about?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20It's muggins here that washes them.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I find all sorts in his trousers.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Toffees, buttons.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26I found a ticket with the Transformers no less.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30I like the cars into robots.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32You like your photos.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34You can't take him anywhere.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36You still let me pay for this but, didn't you?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38He wants to buy a lighthouse,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41which is fine with me because I'll be in Barbados.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43This is Bill and Joan, everyone.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Oh, photo!
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Oh, for God's sake, Joan, they're total strangers. Leave them alone.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49He hates getting his photo taken.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I used to like it, about a million photos ago,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56before she burnt out my retinas with the flash.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59She's got photos of me with the postman.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Smile!
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Aww.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Right, well, I think I'll take a constitutional.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Get some air while the weather's good.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Anyone care to join?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15That sounds nice.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Fancy it, Bill?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Oh, no, on you go, love.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I can always look at the photos.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23What about you two?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Actually, I think we need to have a chat.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Aye, we'd love to come.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29It's bound to rain.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33The yellow macs hanging by the door are for the guests so please feel free to use them.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Four pounds a day, eight pounds for two days.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39As tonight is the winter solstice, the longest night,
0:11:39 > 0:11:41we'll all gather at midnight for the firework.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Do you mean fireworks?
0:11:44 > 0:11:45No.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Right.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Looks like it's a bit blowy.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Hmm.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Well, they all seem nice.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Pfft.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Thank goodness it's no your decision then.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Don't know why you want to sell.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19You're always away on that bloody fishing boat,
0:12:19 > 0:12:23or sat there in that armchair knackered, no use to anybody.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25You don't lift a finger.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26HE SIGHS
0:12:28 > 0:12:30We're on the bones of our arse here, Nicol.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32You're not making any money, and with the best will in the world,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35that's unlikely to turn round any time soon, is it?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37So it's up to me.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40It's my home and I say it's time to sell.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- CRASH - Now look what you made me do.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Ooh, ooh, trouble in paradise.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19You OK?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21What was going through your head?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Oh, the lighthouse? It's magic.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24It'll be great.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27That's not the point. You should've talked to me about it.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I should've told you about my surprise? That's a shite surprise. Here.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Gregor, you've no understanding of other people's feelings.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36You're not even capable of reading a situation.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- Lana...- Ah.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Bloody hell! What are you doing?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Meditating.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Meditating?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Meditating on whether or not to finish this bottle
0:13:48 > 0:13:49of delicious whisky.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53It was a birthday present from my good lady,
0:13:53 > 0:13:55but don't tell that to the wife, do you get me?
0:13:55 > 0:13:56No.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00I was inferring that I've got a mistress. Not true of course.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Nothing?
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Tough cliff.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Would you like a mouthful?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08She doesn't drink whisky.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Well, I'm no asking you, thunk, you'd likely guzzle the lot of it,
0:14:11 > 0:14:12size of you.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Wouldn't like to clean out your cage in the morning.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Have a great night.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25But whatever you do,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27stay away from there.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29The lighthouse?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Aye, lassie.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33But the name lighthouse does it a dis-service.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39For it is a tower of darkness and a dark creature stalks its grounds.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43It is death, death to go there.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47We're actually staying there.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Are you?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Yip, two nights paid in advance.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Well, I'm sure it'll be fine.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56No, go on, what do you mean?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Ignore me.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I was the handyman there.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03But I quit, must be ten years ago now.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Why did you quit?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08I saw something that turned my hair white.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Your hair's not white.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Just For Men, love.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15What age do you think I am?
0:15:16 > 0:15:1756?
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Who told you?
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Nobody.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Bloody Just For Men, it's supposed to shave years off you.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Five pounds eighty pissed up a wall.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Hey! You never said what you saw.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35And I never will.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38No-one believes me. But I've seen her.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Her sister lives still.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41Twisted, wrong.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44But I'll never speak of it.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Quite right.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I think we should get back.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Ah, na, it's just a bit further.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02It'll be dark soon, Gregor.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Come with me!
0:16:03 > 0:16:07You know, Gregor, there's a big problem in this relationship.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08You don't listen.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Hold that thought!
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- Lana? - A WOMAN SCREAMS
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Lana, come here.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I'm doing this by myself, am I?
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Allow me.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Oh, thank God.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43Thank you so much.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Don't mention it.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46That would've been the end for me.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Well, you're OK, you're safe now.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51That's the closest I've ever come to dying.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Can I get a photo?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Yeah, sure. Shall we just move away from the edge?
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Oh, let me take a look at that ankle.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Yeah, that's pretty badly swollen.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I've not got my first aid kit with me.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Do you think you could walk on it?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10I'll carry you, love.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11It's OK, son.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13She's my patient now.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14My hero.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17I get the picture, mate.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21You sweep in, hoover up all the credit.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22I'll not cock-block you.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27Are you wanting carried?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29No.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Thanks for your help.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44Whoa, stop, what's that? There!
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Where?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Turn me back, turn me back!
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Gone now.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I saw something, though. I felt it too.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57Did you feel it?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02A coldness, a presence,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04or lack of a presence.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06A dead space.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08It was as if...
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Look, is it OK if we press on?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Oh, yes, of course, sorry.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Oh, oh, it's bloody freezing.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Oh. Happy winter solstice, eh,
0:18:47 > 0:18:52to me and all my work pals on the ferry.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Oh, wait. It's all bloody computers now.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58It's only me. Woop-de-do.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Bloody computers. Bloody ferry.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Bloody...
0:19:15 > 0:19:17..solstice.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20FAINT SINGING
0:19:58 > 0:20:00GIGGLING
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I'll get this, love. You'll ruin your dress.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Use the coaster, Bill, that's what it's there for.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33SLAM
0:21:33 > 0:21:34That's private, dear.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Sorry.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Is that your sister?
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Yes, God rest her.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Joan, here, thought she saw something out by the cliff today.
0:21:45 > 0:21:46Saw what?
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Someone.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50My sister, no doubt,
0:21:50 > 0:21:53foraging for nuts and berries in her undergarments.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I've heard the tales. Hogwash.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Those little toe-rags down by the sea wall have been flapping
0:21:58 > 0:22:00their tongues again.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Actually, it was an old fella. Gillespie. Used to work for you.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07He's an old sot. I had to sack him.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09He nearly burnt the place to the ground toasting
0:22:09 > 0:22:11a pop tart one night, steaming.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Probably a wild cat you saw.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18It wasn't a cat, it was a human.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21It was wearing a nightie. It had a wraith-like presence.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Did you get a photo of it?
0:22:29 > 0:22:30No.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Joan, you took 120 photos, you've got 90 pictures
0:22:33 > 0:22:37of a seagull but you didn't fancy a snap of the wraith-like presence?!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39No, who wants to see that, eh?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Here, Tom, that's a lovely, cheesy, big grin you've got on your face there, snap.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46You're only showing up one person here, William, and it isn't me.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Who is it, then?
0:22:50 > 0:22:51I think she means her husband.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58I know what I saw.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Joan.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03You nearly had a bad accident.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05You've had a shock.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07I'm just glad you are still in one piece.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08I wouldn't be if it wasn't for you.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Who'd like another drink?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Nice one! I'll have a pint and she'll have...
0:23:17 > 0:23:18See, if I want a drink, I'll order it myself.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Well, what is it you want, then?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24For you to stop bossing me around like I'm your property.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Aye, where's this coming from?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28You don't buy a house without consulting your partner!
0:23:28 > 0:23:29I know, what a fanny I am.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31I was trying to do a nice thing for you.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34You treat me like a china doll, like I'm not a real person.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Course you're a real person, you're my bird.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Enjoy the firework.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45DOOR SLAMS
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Goodbye, my love.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05FAINT SINGING
0:24:20 > 0:24:22She's letting off steam.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24She'll be back.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53FLUTTERING
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Are you OK?
0:25:07 > 0:25:08No
0:25:08 > 0:25:11You'll need to jump in the tractor if you mean to catch the last ferry.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14How did you know I was leaving?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I was born with mysterious psychic powers.
0:25:19 > 0:25:20Lovers tiff?
0:25:23 > 0:25:25That's none of your business.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Quite right, none of my business.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29So are you back on the market?
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I'm joking. I'm happily married.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I'm married. 30 years, love.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Nelson Mandela territory, you know what I'm saying?
0:25:41 > 0:25:42Ferry?
0:25:42 > 0:25:43Yes, indeed.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50This is very kind of you.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Oh, not at all. It's the least I could do.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54There's just one thing.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55What's that?
0:25:55 > 0:25:57You'll need to drive cos I'm steaming.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I can't drive a tractor!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Course you can. It's just like driving a car.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04I can't drive a car.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Well, this should be interesting.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Gregor always drives.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Maybe we should go get him?
0:26:14 > 0:26:15No!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Excuse the smell, my dog has shat in here.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21That magic tree is 15 years old.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23It's doing its best but its on its last legs.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24The ferry?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Yes! Turn that...
0:26:26 > 0:26:28ENGINE STARTS
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Put your foot on that. Put your foot on that.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Shift that forward.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Very gently lift your foot off...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38ENGINE ROARS
0:26:38 > 0:26:41I'm fine, didn't feel a thing. The booze numbed it.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42Off we go.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45THUMPING ENGINE, BEEP
0:26:45 > 0:26:46I felt that.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Ooh, my neck. You dirty hoormeister.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Argh. You're killing me here!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Maybe we should go back and give the boy another chance, dear.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Do you think the big chap will be back down?
0:27:04 > 0:27:05You'll not see him again.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07He'll be upstairs pulling the lid off it.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08Don't be so crude, Bill.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12This place is wonderful, isn't it?
0:27:12 > 0:27:14I mean, so much potential.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17What would you do with it ?
0:27:17 > 0:27:19I'd give it a right going over.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24I'd modernize it.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28You know, put in triple glazing but keep the character and the charm.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Solar panels. Carbon neutral.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34It'd make a fantastic marine observatory.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35I'd love to get my hands on it.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36That sounds nice.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I'd leave it alone if I was you.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51That painting is exquisite, isn't it?
0:27:51 > 0:27:52- What is it?- Swan Lake.
0:27:52 > 0:27:53Correct.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57I'm off to my scratcher.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Oh, it's not late, is it?
0:27:59 > 0:28:01I think I might turn in early as well.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Not a problem. Saves me buying a firework for next year.
0:28:29 > 0:28:30How did I do?
0:28:30 > 0:28:32For a city girl, exceptional.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Good use of the mirror, good control.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37And under the speed limit at all times.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38You'll make a farmer yet.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Ha, really?
0:28:44 > 0:28:46TRACTOR CREAKS
0:28:57 > 0:28:59SPLASH
0:28:59 > 0:29:01You forgot the handbrake, didn't you?
0:29:03 > 0:29:05Do tractors have handbrakes?
0:29:05 > 0:29:06Yes, yes, they do.
0:29:08 > 0:29:09City girl, ha.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13It's OK. I didn't really use it that much.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Just farming and that. Breadwinning.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18My livelihood.
0:29:21 > 0:29:22Look sharp, McGlick!
0:29:22 > 0:29:24Customer!
0:29:24 > 0:29:26It won't be the first time the old rascal's nipped into
0:29:26 > 0:29:28the filthy schooner for a quick one.
0:29:31 > 0:29:32McGlick!
0:29:40 > 0:29:41What's that?
0:29:41 > 0:29:42What?
0:29:46 > 0:29:49- SHE SCREAMS - We need to get the police.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Lassie, wait!
0:30:07 > 0:30:09HE SNORES
0:30:34 > 0:30:36Ah for...
0:31:02 > 0:31:05The toilet's at the end of the hall.
0:31:05 > 0:31:06Oh, bloody hell.
0:31:09 > 0:31:14Oh, end of the hall, thank you.
0:31:14 > 0:31:16Just got a wee bit lost there.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Yes, I can see that,
0:31:18 > 0:31:20cos if you went in there you'd end up doing a jobbie in Tom's room.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22Is that Tom's room?
0:31:22 > 0:31:23Yes. Yes, it is.
0:31:24 > 0:31:26Well, thank you for the local knowledge.
0:31:28 > 0:31:29Good night.
0:31:34 > 0:31:35Creepy bastard.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42- Hello.- Hello.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46CLICK-CLACK
0:31:46 > 0:31:48This light's not working.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Is it not? Oh, well.
0:31:53 > 0:31:54Can I help you?
0:31:54 > 0:31:55Have you seen Lana?
0:31:55 > 0:31:57No.
0:31:57 > 0:31:58Right.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Toilet's right there by the way.
0:32:02 > 0:32:03Yes, thank you.
0:32:09 > 0:32:10Hi, Tom.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Joan!
0:32:12 > 0:32:15Toilet's at the end of the hall.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17I know where the bloody toilet is.
0:32:40 > 0:32:41Lana.
0:32:53 > 0:32:54Hello?
0:32:56 > 0:32:57CLICK-CLACK
0:33:02 > 0:33:04Hello?
0:33:14 > 0:33:15What are you doing here?
0:33:15 > 0:33:17It's my bed and breakfast.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19I think the power's out.
0:33:19 > 0:33:20Must be the fuses.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23Where's Lana hiding?
0:33:23 > 0:33:24She went for the last ferry.
0:33:24 > 0:33:25What?
0:33:30 > 0:33:32Christ, it's dark.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34For a big fella you really are shiteing it, aren't you?
0:33:35 > 0:33:40Here, take this. You'll never make it to the ferry on time by the road.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42Take the forest trail.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44SCREAM OF JOY
0:33:44 > 0:33:45Someone's in trouble.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47SEX NOISES
0:33:51 > 0:33:53That's my kind of trouble.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55I'd sell a kidney for that kind of trouble.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58Know what I mean, big yin? God speed.
0:34:05 > 0:34:06Right.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34Right, you, you big daft bugger.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36You're going to find Lana, you're going to say sorry,
0:34:36 > 0:34:39you're going to pop the question, and get back for the firework.
0:34:41 > 0:34:45Then get your hole. If you can't get your hole on the longest night, you should just chuck it, son.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47TWIG SNAPS
0:35:02 > 0:35:04PANTING
0:35:10 > 0:35:12TWIG SNAPS
0:35:12 > 0:35:14HE GASPS
0:35:21 > 0:35:22Oh, oh.
0:35:42 > 0:35:43Lana?
0:35:48 > 0:35:49Lana?
0:35:53 > 0:35:54Oh, thank God.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56SOBBING
0:35:56 > 0:35:59Don't cry, sweetheart, I've been a dick.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03This weekend has been very important
0:36:03 > 0:36:05to me cos I've been trying to ask you a question.
0:36:06 > 0:36:07A very big question.
0:36:09 > 0:36:12I've been trying to ask you all weekend.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15Lana,
0:36:15 > 0:36:17will you do me the honour
0:36:17 > 0:36:20of being my wife?
0:36:20 > 0:36:21LAUGHING
0:36:23 > 0:36:24Will you?
0:36:29 > 0:36:30What you laughing at, you cow?
0:36:32 > 0:36:33GREGOR SCREAMS
0:36:41 > 0:36:42Slow down, lassie.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46Miss the ferry, did we, missy?
0:36:46 > 0:36:48Big lurch was looking for you.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50The ferry's going nowhere.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52McGlick is dead.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54- What?- Drowned like a rat.
0:36:54 > 0:36:58Probably got drunk and fell overboard. Silly bastard.
0:36:58 > 0:36:59Poor McGlick.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01I think we should move inside.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03Come, I'll make a pot of tea.
0:37:03 > 0:37:04Och, the power's out.
0:37:05 > 0:37:07That's the tea humped then.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10Oh, there's shortbread and whisky.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12I was saving it for the firework.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15Come on, you get warm, I'll get the whisky.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23I wish it was you and me buying this place rather than him.
0:37:25 > 0:37:26We could run it together.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30What are you talking about? I'm going to flatten it.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34- What about the dolphin centre?- Pfft.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38That was a load of pish, trying to make a good impression.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43I'm going to put in a golf course.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45Get the Yanks over.
0:37:45 > 0:37:46Gold mine.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49Fuck the dolphins.
0:37:51 > 0:37:53I like a man that thinks big.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12CLICK-CLACK
0:38:12 > 0:38:14SHE TUTS AND SIGHS
0:38:17 > 0:38:19CREAKING
0:38:28 > 0:38:30Also the power's out here.
0:38:30 > 0:38:31We think it might have been tampered with.
0:38:31 > 0:38:34Now, don't panic. We'll send someone along right away.
0:38:34 > 0:38:36- When will you get here?- Let's see.
0:38:36 > 0:38:40Car, ferry, car, ferry, ferry, car, car, ferry.
0:38:40 > 0:38:41Eh, we'll be with you tomorrow morning.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43- But...- You sit tight now.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45DIALLING TONE
0:39:31 > 0:39:33What are you up to?
0:39:33 > 0:39:35I was just having a wee if that's all right with you.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37Listen, I think there's...
0:39:37 > 0:39:38The bed's stone-cold.
0:39:40 > 0:39:41Tell me about it.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00- SLAM - What was that?
0:40:00 > 0:40:04- You're embarrassing yourself. - I'm embarrassing myself? No, you're embarrassing yourself.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07- Nothing.- Don't deny it. I sat and watched you looking at him.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10You, you, you've cuckolded me.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12Oh, don't be ridiculous.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14I want to see that camera of yours then.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16SLAP
0:40:16 > 0:40:18You've probably been snapping pictures of his whalloper.
0:40:25 > 0:40:29Oh, there we are. Philanderer. Is that your patter, is it?
0:40:29 > 0:40:32Wrecking marriages? My marriage with my wife?
0:40:32 > 0:40:35Look at you, big, stupid grin on your face.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Come on, then. Don't just lie there.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40Stand up and face me like a man.
0:40:40 > 0:40:41I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget.
0:40:41 > 0:40:44His schooling days are over, pal. He's dead.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47Too right he is, once I get my hands on him.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49No, I mean actually dead.
0:40:56 > 0:40:57Oh, aye.
0:40:59 > 0:41:00Tom, son. Are you with us?
0:41:03 > 0:41:05He's dead right enough.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07Oh, God. What could have done this to him?
0:41:07 > 0:41:09Maybe he was over-exerting himself.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11SCREAMING OUTSIDE
0:41:32 > 0:41:34He's a goner, no question.
0:41:34 > 0:41:35Oh, Gregor.
0:41:40 > 0:41:41Bloody hell, he's still with us.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43Quick, help him down.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55- Lana...- Don't speak.
0:41:55 > 0:41:56Lana...
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Shh, Gregor, save your strength.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00HE SPLUTTERS
0:42:02 > 0:42:03I need to ask you something.
0:42:10 > 0:42:11Will you marry me?
0:42:20 > 0:42:23Yes, Gregor. Of course I'll marry you.
0:42:25 > 0:42:26Ya dancer.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43You did the right thing, sweetheart.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45Imagine how badly he would have felt going to his grave knowing
0:42:45 > 0:42:48that you thought he was a big arsehole and you'd binned him.
0:42:56 > 0:42:58You slag.
0:43:02 > 0:43:03Oh.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06CROW FLUTTERS AND CAWS
0:43:11 > 0:43:13Well, that was awkward.
0:43:13 > 0:43:14Very awkward.
0:43:16 > 0:43:18His troubles are over.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Ours are just beginning.
0:43:21 > 0:43:22She's back.
0:43:24 > 0:43:26- She's going to kill us all.- Who?
0:43:30 > 0:43:33Frances's sister - Rhonda McGillvray.
0:43:43 > 0:43:46I've checked the house top to bottom, there's no-one here but us.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49Let's see if there's any wood at the back of the house. And nails.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51We need to shut ourselves in until the police get here.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58SHE SOBS
0:44:08 > 0:44:10Here.
0:44:20 > 0:44:23It can't be Rhonda. She's dead.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25Can you be sure of that?
0:44:26 > 0:44:29You know fine well something stalks this place.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32This is a fantasy.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35Even if she was still alive, why now?
0:44:36 > 0:44:38You saw the "for sale" sign out there.
0:44:38 > 0:44:40You know why.
0:44:47 > 0:44:482.70.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57BANGING
0:44:57 > 0:44:58All done here.
0:45:01 > 0:45:03Oh, this is just dandy this, isn't it?
0:45:03 > 0:45:06Mind you, it's not the first time I've had to barricade myself in.
0:45:06 > 0:45:09This big lassie from the chippie was after me one time -
0:45:09 > 0:45:11hands all fat burns, terrifying she was.
0:45:11 > 0:45:12Wouldn't take no for an answer.
0:45:12 > 0:45:16Hey, this isn't Graham Norton, pal.
0:45:16 > 0:45:17I'm just trying to lighten the mood.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20Oi, that's enough, you two.
0:45:48 > 0:45:49Oh!
0:45:57 > 0:45:58What is it?
0:45:58 > 0:46:02It's all right. I just got a fright. It's Frances's man.
0:46:02 > 0:46:03Hello, Mr McGillvray.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06I'm surprised to see him here.
0:46:06 > 0:46:07Why?
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Because he drowned ten years ago.
0:46:18 > 0:46:22Joan! Joan!
0:46:47 > 0:46:50Joan! Joan!
0:47:01 > 0:47:02Joan!
0:47:09 > 0:47:11Argh!
0:47:24 > 0:47:27What have you done with Frances, sickening harridan?
0:47:30 > 0:47:33Frances? My dear sweet sister?
0:47:38 > 0:47:40I throttled her.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44And her love became mine.
0:47:52 > 0:47:58After I lost him, my grief, my guilt, became my sickness.
0:48:01 > 0:48:04This is our place. You can't buy it.
0:48:06 > 0:48:07It's not for sale.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18I must commend you on your really thorough job in nailing this door shut.
0:48:22 > 0:48:24- Got a light?- Why didn't you ask me that yesterday?
0:48:24 > 0:48:27I'm giving that vapour thing a whirl. Here.
0:48:30 > 0:48:32Enjoy the firework!
0:48:44 > 0:48:47HE CRIES
0:48:50 > 0:48:52Awwww. That was hellish.
0:48:54 > 0:48:55Is it finished?
0:48:56 > 0:48:58Awwwwwwwww.
0:49:04 > 0:49:09What kind of stupid moron lights a firework indoors?
0:49:11 > 0:49:12Ya stupid bastards.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27CHUCKLING
0:49:32 > 0:49:34It's not the first time I've hid in a basement because
0:49:34 > 0:49:35of a crazed baldy woman.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37The lassie that drives the mobile library
0:49:37 > 0:49:39is a bit thin on top and she ...
0:49:39 > 0:49:40Shut up.
0:49:40 > 0:49:43Aye, sorry. Poor time for an anecdote. I accept that.
0:49:43 > 0:49:44I'm an idiot.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47You're not an idiot, you knew about this place.
0:49:47 > 0:49:48Ex handy-man.
0:49:48 > 0:49:51It's my job to know every nook and cranny of this place.
0:49:51 > 0:49:56And I know that this window will give us access to her lush
0:49:56 > 0:49:57and fertile front lawn.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00HE SCREAMS
0:50:08 > 0:50:10SHE PANTS
0:50:19 > 0:50:22Oh!
0:50:34 > 0:50:39Guests are not permitted in the basement, you naughty little girl.
0:50:39 > 0:50:41It's not safe down here.
0:50:41 > 0:50:44Come out, come out wherever you are.
0:50:46 > 0:50:50Such a pretty girl, just like my Frances.
0:51:06 > 0:51:08SHE SCREAMS
0:51:45 > 0:51:48GRUNTING, GASPING
0:52:17 > 0:52:18Oh, sake!
0:53:37 > 0:53:38Rhonda!
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Rhonda, my sweet.
0:53:44 > 0:53:45Nicol.
0:53:47 > 0:53:49Nicol, my love.
0:53:50 > 0:53:52You've come home safe.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56Come to my arms, my darling.
0:53:58 > 0:53:59Hold me.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38Help!
0:54:44 > 0:54:45The longest night, eh?
0:55:13 > 0:55:16I bet you'll be glad to see the back of this place, eh?
0:55:16 > 0:55:19I don't know. It's kind of growing on me.
0:55:19 > 0:55:21It's a wee bit old and creaky...
0:55:23 > 0:55:24..but it has its charms.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41You do know I was talking about the actual lighthouse there?
0:55:44 > 0:55:47Of course! I'm not daft.
0:55:53 > 0:55:54Here, is that Gillespie?
0:56:05 > 0:56:09This isn't the first time I've spent the night hanging from a cliff face presumed dead.
0:56:10 > 0:56:12This big barmaid that used to work in the Schooner.
0:56:12 > 0:56:14Rugby player.
0:56:14 > 0:56:16Could crack a lobster with her thighs.
0:56:16 > 0:56:18Are you OK?
0:56:18 > 0:56:19Och, aye.
0:56:21 > 0:56:24Why did Rhonda bring us here if she didn't want to sell?
0:56:24 > 0:56:27She didn't. Frances did.
0:56:27 > 0:56:30Rhonda spent so long pretending she was her sister she didn't
0:56:30 > 0:56:31know who she was.
0:56:36 > 0:56:40On my old mother's bones, never again.
0:56:40 > 0:56:41You are not my master.
0:57:35 > 0:57:38Not so chipper now are you, you wee bastards.
0:57:38 > 0:57:41What did I say?
0:57:41 > 0:57:42Cursed!
0:57:49 > 0:57:53Oh, I was happy to put the little fannies in their place.
0:57:53 > 0:57:56But I knew deep down in my heart of hearts that the curse of
0:57:56 > 0:57:58the West Skerra Light was lifted.
0:58:03 > 0:58:05For a bit.
0:58:05 > 0:58:07WATER BUBBLES
0:58:25 > 0:58:27# Father won't be home tonight
0:58:27 > 0:58:30# He fought the storm with all his might
0:58:30 > 0:58:32# The wind had ripped his sails asunder
0:58:32 > 0:58:36# Sea hag came and dragged him under
0:58:37 > 0:58:38# Aha
0:58:40 > 0:58:44# Father won't be home tonight
0:58:44 > 0:58:49# The sea hag holds him tight
0:58:49 > 0:58:54# The sea hag holds him tight. #