0:00:02 > 0:00:07This film contains very strong language.
0:00:32 > 0:00:37- STRANGE FOREIGN ACCENT - Hello. I am...Andy
0:00:37 > 0:00:41and I would like to thank you for coming to my movie.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45I wish it was...better...
0:00:45 > 0:00:48you know, but...
0:00:49 > 0:00:51..it is so stupid, is terrible.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54I do not even like it.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59All of the most important things in my life are changed around
0:00:59 > 0:01:02and mixed up for...
0:01:02 > 0:01:03um...
0:01:03 > 0:01:06dra-matic purposes.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09So...
0:01:09 > 0:01:11I decided to cut out
0:01:11 > 0:01:14all of the baloney.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Now the movie... is...much shorter.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25In fact...
0:01:25 > 0:01:28this is the end of the movie.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Thank you very much.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44I am not kidding.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Goodbye.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47Go.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03TRADITIONAL END-CREDIT MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:25 > 0:02:30MUSIC BUILDS UP TO A CRESCENDO AND ENDS
0:02:38 > 0:02:40MUSIC STARTS AGAIN
0:03:00 > 0:03:03MUSIC ENDS AGAIN
0:03:09 > 0:03:12SCRATCHES RECORD
0:03:12 > 0:03:14MUSIC STARTS AGAIN
0:03:17 > 0:03:20MUSIC STOPS
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- AMERICAN ACCENT - Wow. You're still here!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45OK!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I hope you're not upset.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51I did that to get rid of those folks who just wouldn't understand me
0:03:51 > 0:03:53and don't even want to try!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Actually, the movie is really great!
0:03:56 > 0:04:01It's just filled with colourful characters, like the one I just did.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03And the one I'm doing now.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Our story begins...
0:04:05 > 0:04:07MUSIC PLAYS
0:04:07 > 0:04:10..back in Great Neck, Long Island.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17This is our house.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19And that's my father's old car.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22That's my father.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26That's my little brother, Michael, and my little sister, Carol.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28And that's my mom, Janice.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Andy's up in his room?
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Yeah.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39MUFFLED VOICES
0:04:46 > 0:04:48ANDY IS ACTING A ROLE
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Andy!
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Son...
0:04:58 > 0:05:01this has got to stop.
0:05:01 > 0:05:07Our house is not a television station. There's not a camera in that wall. This is not healthy.
0:05:07 > 0:05:14- You should be outside playing sports.- I have my own sport show. - You know that's not what I meant.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I'm going to put my foot down. No more playing alone.
0:05:17 > 0:05:24- You want to perform, you've got to have an audience.- They're right there!- That is plaster.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29An audience is made of people, people who live and breathe.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41Andy Kaufman presents... the animal song!
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Now I'm going to sing the animal. You tell me what it says, OK?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48OK.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51# Oh, the cow goes...
0:05:51 > 0:05:52# Moo!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55# And the cat goes...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58# Miaow! Miaow!
0:05:58 > 0:06:00# And the bird goes... #
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Tweet-tweet.- Tweet-tweet.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07# And the lion goes... #
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Roar!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- # And the dog goes... # - (Woof.)
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- # And the cat goes... #- Miaow.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- # And the bird goes... #- (Tweet.)
0:06:18 > 0:06:21# And the pig goes... #
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Oink.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26# And that's the way it goes. #
0:06:26 > 0:06:29The comedy of Andy Kaufman,
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- ladies and gentlemen.- Thank you.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36So, Mr Besserman, same spot tomorrow?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39I don't know, Andy. I think I have to let you go.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45You're firing me?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49You...you don't need to pay me.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Look, your act is like amateur hour.
0:06:52 > 0:06:58You're doing sing-alongs for six-year-olds and puppets that aren't funny playing records?!
0:06:58 > 0:07:02It's totally original. No-one's ever done it. I'm not like everyone else.
0:07:02 > 0:07:08- Everybody else gets this place cooking.- It WAS. A man over here was really upset.
0:07:08 > 0:07:13Yeah, he left, so did a lot of other people. I can't sell booze...
0:07:13 > 0:07:19- It's about booze. It's not about comedy...- I can't sell booze... - You just want to sell booze.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24- That's all that matters! - I'm running a business here. It's show business. Show...business.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Without the business, there's no show. There's no show for you.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34- What do you want me to do? "Take my wife, please"?- Try some jokes,
0:07:34 > 0:07:40- like, "Why did the Siamese twins go to England?"- I don't know.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42So the other one could drive.
0:07:43 > 0:07:48Why doesn't the other one just let her drive?
0:07:48 > 0:07:53Maybe that one isn't for you, but do jokes about the traffic, do impressions,
0:07:53 > 0:07:56maybe some blue material.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Thank you very much. Good night.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- Now... - SOMEONE CLAPS BRIEFLY
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- FOREIGN ACCENT:- Thank you very much.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04One thing I do not like is...
0:09:04 > 0:09:06is too much traffic.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08You know?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Tonight...I had to come from...
0:09:14 > 0:09:16..er...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21..and the freeway...
0:09:21 > 0:09:23it was so much traffic.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29It took me an hour and a half to get here.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34But...
0:09:34 > 0:09:37but talking about the terrible things,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39my wife...
0:09:39 > 0:09:42take my wife, please, take her!
0:09:43 > 0:09:48- HE BRAYS - No, no, I was only kidding.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55I love my wife.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58But she don't know how to cook.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Her cooking is so bad.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03It's terrible.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Now I would like to...
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I would like to do for you...
0:10:09 > 0:10:11imitations.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14I would like to start
0:10:14 > 0:10:15with...
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Jimmy Carter,
0:10:17 > 0:10:20the President of the United States.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- SAME VOICE - Hello. I am Jimmy Carter...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31the President of the United States.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35LAUGHTER
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Thank you very much.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Now I would like to do for you...
0:10:49 > 0:10:50the...
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Elvis Presley.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06MUSIC: "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss
0:12:04 > 0:12:08# Well, it's one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready
0:12:08 > 0:12:12# Now go, cat, go Now don't you step on my blue suede shoes
0:12:14 > 0:12:18# You can do anything, but lay off of my blue suede shoes. #
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Let's go!
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- What?- What's the story with this guy?- I think he's from Lithuania.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31# Blue, blue, blue suede shoes
0:12:31 > 0:12:36# Blue, blue, blue suede shoes Blue, blue, blue suede shoes
0:12:36 > 0:12:38# Blue, blue, blue suede shoes
0:12:38 > 0:12:43# You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
0:12:43 > 0:12:45# While we're dancing... #
0:12:46 > 0:12:49APPLAUSE DROWNS WORDS
0:12:51 > 0:12:54# A-a-all right
0:12:54 > 0:12:56# All right! #
0:12:56 > 0:12:59WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- FOREIGN ACCENT:- Thank you very much.
0:13:21 > 0:13:27Hey, I really enjoyed your set. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I liked what you did out there.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- AS FOREIGN MAN:- Thank you very much.
0:13:31 > 0:13:36- So, I understand you're from Lithuania.- No.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I am from Caspiar.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Caspiar?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46It is a very small island in the Caspian Sea.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48It sunk.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Oh, I'm sorry.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Um...
0:13:52 > 0:13:57Look, I'm probably out of my mind, but I think you're very interesting
0:13:57 > 0:14:01and if you ever need representation, we should talk.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02OK.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Mr Shapiro!
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Wow.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13This is an honour, sir.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Caspiar, huh?
0:14:15 > 0:14:19I want to be the biggest star in the world.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- Well, people love comedians. - I'm not a comedian.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28I don't even know what's funny. I'm a song and dance man. Thank you.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32I particularly suggest the lotus root.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Um...
0:14:43 > 0:14:47you...you show a lot of promise, son.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51My concern is... I don't know where to book you.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53You're not a stand-up...
0:14:53 > 0:14:58and your act doesn't exactly translate itself to films, so...
0:15:01 > 0:15:02..um...
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Help me. Where do you see yourself?
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Well, I've always wanted to play Carnegie Hall.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14That's funny.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20See, I don't want to go for cheap laughs.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I want real gut reaction.
0:15:23 > 0:15:29I want the audience to have gone through an experience. They love me, they hate me, they walk out - great.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- Andy, you got a...- Hm?
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Oh.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42When I'm famous, I'm gonna sell these, as worn by Andy Kaufman.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- Hah!- You can have this one.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49It's probably gonna be worth a lot because it was actually up my nose!
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Hah! You're insane!
0:15:54 > 0:15:57But you might also be brilliant.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Hello. George Shapiro here.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- NASAL BARK:- Wah...yeah!
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- Is that George Shapiro? - Yeah. Speaking.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Speaking. Reeking, seeking, creaking, freaking!
0:16:10 > 0:16:15- Tell me something I don't know, toadstool!- Can I help you?
0:16:15 > 0:16:21- Yeah. Stay away from Andy Kaufman, if you know what's good for you. - Who is this?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Do not twist my nose!
0:16:23 > 0:16:27My name's Tony Clifton. A name to respect, a name to fear!
0:16:27 > 0:16:32Kaufman is a lying bastard! He is a psychopath!
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Now slowly open your eyes.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41You should feel rested, relaxed and alert.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46I would like to thank you... your Holiness.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51My heart is radiating pure energy.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54OK?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Oh, no, wait.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58I'm sorry.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I have a question.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Is there...?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Is there a secret...to being funny?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10MUTED LAUGHTER
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Yes.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Silence.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20BAND PLAYS AUDIENCE APPLAUD AND CHEER
0:17:24 > 0:17:31Welcome back to Saturday Night Live and, as a special treat on our first show, musical guest Andy Kaufman!
0:18:02 > 0:18:04What's wrong with this guy?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12It's dead air.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24BAND PLAYS ROUSING INTRO
0:18:24 > 0:18:29# Mister Trouble never hangs around
0:18:29 > 0:18:32# When he hears this Mighty sound
0:18:32 > 0:18:37- HE LIP-SYNCHS: - # Here I come to save the day! - LOUD LAUGHTER
0:18:37 > 0:18:41# That means that Mighty Mouse is on his way
0:18:41 > 0:18:48# Yes, sir, when there is a wrong to right Mighty Mouse will join the fight
0:18:48 > 0:18:50# On the sea or on the land
0:18:50 > 0:18:55# He gets the situation well in hand
0:18:55 > 0:18:58# So though we are in danger We never despair
0:18:58 > 0:19:02# Cos we know that where there's danger, he is there!
0:19:02 > 0:19:06# He is there! On the land! On the sea! In the air!
0:19:06 > 0:19:08# We're not worryin' at all
0:19:10 > 0:19:14# We're just listenin' for his call...
0:19:14 > 0:19:18- #- Here I come to save the day! - LAUGHTER
0:19:18 > 0:19:21# That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way! #
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Mr Kaufman?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27- Oh.- Hi. Right this way, please.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- OK.- George is expecting you.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Hey, Andy!
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- Thanks for coming out.- Oh, thank YOU, George.- Sit down.- OK.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- Oh, wow...which one?- Either one.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46- They're both red.- Yeah.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Um...this one, I guess.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- So, did you have a nice flight? - I did. I had a really good flight.
0:19:52 > 0:19:58- The stewardess was very, very nice and she allowed me to keep my headphones.- Terrific!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- Yeah.- Andy?- Uh-huh?
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- I got something better.- You do? - Yeah.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- This is big.- OK.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11OK.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15You're getting a once in a lifetime very lucrative opportunity
0:20:15 > 0:20:19to star on a primetime network sitcom!
0:20:24 > 0:20:26A sitcom?
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Yeah.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29This is a class act.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33It all takes place in a taxi stand.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35And you're gonna be the Fonzie.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Fonzie?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42No, no, no. No, no, no.
0:20:42 > 0:20:47THE Fonzie. The crazy break-out character all the kids imitate
0:20:47 > 0:20:52- and they put 'em on their lunchboxes.- I hate sitcoms, George.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57These guys have seen your foreign character and they want to turn him
0:20:57 > 0:20:58into...
0:20:58 > 0:21:01a lovable, goofy mechanic
0:21:01 > 0:21:03named...
0:21:07 > 0:21:09..Latka.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Oh!
0:21:14 > 0:21:16No.
0:21:16 > 0:21:22- No?- No.- No to which part? - No to the whole thing. Doesn't sound good to me.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26- Andy, this is every comedian's dream!- I'm not a comedian, George.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30And sitcoms are the lowest form of entertainment.
0:21:30 > 0:21:36I mean, it's just...stupid jokes and canned laughter and you don't know why it's there, but it's there!
0:21:36 > 0:21:40It's dead people laughing, did you know that?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Andy, this is classy!
0:21:42 > 0:21:48I don't care. I want to generate my own material.
0:21:48 > 0:21:54Look, look, listen, listen to me. I've been in this business for 20 years, Andy!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57I know. I've seen this. I know this.
0:21:57 > 0:22:03If you pass up this opportunity, you will NEVER, never see another one like it again.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Never!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18OK.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- I'll do it.- Fine.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- But I have some terms.- Fine.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27That's what negotiations are all about.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30What are you doing?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Writing up the terms.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45What, are you making fun of me?!
0:22:45 > 0:22:51- Those are my terms. - This is ridiculous. - It's what I need to do the show.
0:22:51 > 0:22:58- Four guaranteed guest spots for Tony Clifton? Who's Tony Clifton? - He's a Vegas lounge singer.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02I used to do impressions of him and sort of got into a fight over it.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06- This Clifton called me!- He did? - He's a loon!
0:23:06 > 0:23:11- He hates you.- No. he just talks tough, but I owe him.
0:23:11 > 0:23:17If I'm the new Fonz, then ABC is just gonna have to give me what I want!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Hey-y-y-y!
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Mr Kaufman will only appear in half the episodes of Taxi.
0:23:23 > 0:23:29Mr Kaufman requires an undisturbed 90 minutes of meditation prior to filming.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34Mr Kaufman gets his own network special.
0:23:34 > 0:23:39And Taxi must guarantee four guest appearances
0:23:39 > 0:23:41for Tony Clifton.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Who?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Tony Clifton.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Who the hell is Tony Clifton?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54I don't know.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59And now...Mama Rivoli's is proud to present...
0:23:59 > 0:24:02an international singing sensation.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Ladies and gentlemen, Mr TONY CLIFTON!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08DRUM ROLL
0:24:08 > 0:24:10APPLAUSE
0:24:16 > 0:24:18DISTANT ANGRY SHOUTING
0:24:24 > 0:24:26DRUM ROLL STOPS
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Ladies and gentlemen,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31due to Mr Clifton's vocal constraints,
0:24:31 > 0:24:38- out of respect for him, he asks you to please extinguish your cigars and cigarettes.- I paid 10 for that!
0:24:39 > 0:24:40Sorry.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43And now...
0:24:43 > 0:24:47ladies and gentlemen, Mr Entertainment,
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Tony CLIFTON!
0:24:52 > 0:24:55BAND PLAYS
0:25:07 > 0:25:11# Vo-o-o-o-o...
0:25:11 > 0:25:13# o-o-o-o-o-o...
0:25:13 > 0:25:16# ..lare
0:25:16 > 0:25:18# Whoa, whoa
0:25:18 > 0:25:22# Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Cantare, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
0:25:22 > 0:25:25# No wonder my happy heart sings
0:25:25 > 0:25:28# Your love has given me wings
0:25:28 > 0:25:31# I got the wings on my bum
0:25:31 > 0:25:32# I got...
0:25:32 > 0:25:33# wings... #
0:25:33 > 0:25:37I got the chicken wings from Kentucky Fried.
0:25:42 > 0:25:48Whoop-de-doo, whoop-de-dy... Stick a needle in your eye!
0:25:48 > 0:25:52I play a lot of the big show rooms in Vegas.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56I need this place like I need a shotgun blast to the face.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Let's go down, meet some of the audience.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03How ya doin'? Where you from?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Ya, ya, ya, ya!
0:26:05 > 0:26:10Somebody's wearin' a lot of perfume around here! Must be that time of the month.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Huh?
0:26:13 > 0:26:19I know all the tricks. Now how ya doin'? Enjoying that pasta carbonara?
0:26:19 > 0:26:25Looks as if you are. Look out! I think you sat on some cottage cheese!
0:26:25 > 0:26:29- Pardon me. That's your ass. - Dah!- Thank you.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Oh, whoa-oa-oa-oa!
0:26:32 > 0:26:36How are you? Are you enjoying the show?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- Yeah.- Uh?- Yeah.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- What's your name?- Bob.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Bob?
0:26:44 > 0:26:47HE SNARLS
0:26:47 > 0:26:52What's your last name? Up and down in the water?
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Huh?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Gorsky.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- Gorsky?- Mm-hm.- That Polish?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Yeah.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06- You trying to do us some Polish humour.- No, that's...- Shut up!
0:27:06 > 0:27:12- That's just my name.- SHUT UP! I think them dumb Polacks have been ridiculed enough!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14I do a clean show act.
0:27:14 > 0:27:19You want to see some humour? Here's some humour. Right there, OK?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Just sit down. Enjoy that, OK?
0:27:22 > 0:27:28And you! The pair of you! I'll see you backstage, baldy.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30VO-O-O-O...
0:27:30 > 0:27:34- MUSIC STARTS - # ..lare! #
0:27:40 > 0:27:42What do you want?
0:27:49 > 0:27:53Just a little friendly conversation, George.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Are you hungry?
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Oh...
0:28:01 > 0:28:04You...you...
0:28:04 > 0:28:06INCOHERENT SONG
0:28:08 > 0:28:11I don't understand this act.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15Good, old-fashioned entertainment, George. Everyone loves a villain.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19- But what about that poor schlub you humiliated?- Excellent show.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22That was a great show. ..George?
0:28:22 > 0:28:27- This is my writer and old friend Bob Zmuda.- George. Hi. I'm Bob.
0:28:27 > 0:28:32- Very creative.- I'm the brains behind this operation.
0:28:32 > 0:28:37He once faked a lion escaping from Chicago zoo.
0:28:37 > 0:28:42This was fantastic, George. We got 40 actors and they're all tearing through the zoo.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46"There's a lion!"
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Your name's not Gorsky.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53Don't believe everything you hear, George.
0:28:53 > 0:28:58This cannot leave this room. Do not write this down. OK?
0:28:58 > 0:29:01Tony Clifton is Andy Kaufman.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05And Andy Kaufman is Tony Clifton.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08They'll deny it up and down, but it's true.
0:29:08 > 0:29:14This is great business. You get two Andy Kaufmans for the price of one.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19HE LAUGHS
0:29:19 > 0:29:20Andy!
0:29:20 > 0:29:26- Andy!- What's up?- They said yes. You're getting everything. Everything!
0:29:28 > 0:29:30Bonus.
0:29:30 > 0:29:37- Thank you very much. - It was so good.- I have to do Taxi, don't I?- You gotta do Taxi. OK.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Happy time for Latka.
0:29:56 > 0:30:00Not until you take off those overalls.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04Latka, Latka, listen to me!
0:30:04 > 0:30:06There's a drug in those cookies.
0:30:07 > 0:30:09No-o?!
0:30:11 > 0:30:12No!
0:30:12 > 0:30:15"TAXI" THEME PLAYS
0:30:19 > 0:30:21Bed?
0:30:21 > 0:30:26I have never been so emotional in all my life.
0:30:26 > 0:30:32And this is from my mother! And this is from my father! And this is from my grandfather!
0:30:32 > 0:30:35I hope you have a small family.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38RHYTHMIC CHANTING
0:30:39 > 0:30:42LATKA SPEAKS IN HIS NATIVE LANGUAGE
0:30:46 > 0:30:47Oh!
0:30:49 > 0:30:52Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
0:31:01 > 0:31:04- I'm gonna quit.- What?
0:31:04 > 0:31:10- Every show's worse than the last one.- 40 million people are watching every week.- What do they know?
0:31:10 > 0:31:15Absolutely nothing, and that's the beauty. Look, it's credibility.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19You make them love you NOW and then later on, on your special,
0:31:19 > 0:31:23you can fuck with their heads. The sky is the limit.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Oh, yeah? I don't care! >
0:31:28 > 0:31:34Sir, there's a problem down on the Kaufman special. He's not following the technical requirements.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37Technical?
0:31:37 > 0:31:43- - Thanks for coming on my show. - Thanks for having me on your show, Andy.- Hold it!
0:31:43 > 0:31:48- It's my special! I have creative control. Now roll it!- No.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Do it.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52Hi.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Only positive energy allowed.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59I've been hearing fabulous things about the special.
0:31:59 > 0:32:03- Did we hit a little speed bump? - Mm-hm. And his name is Colin.
0:32:03 > 0:32:08- Kid genius told me to mess with the vertical hold.- Show me.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Show him, Colin.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16Thanks for having me on your show, Andy.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22ANDY LAUGHS
0:32:22 > 0:32:25It'll be great!
0:32:25 > 0:32:31People will think their TV is broken and they'll get out of their chairs, twist the knob,
0:32:31 > 0:32:38call the TV store, "Hey, I paid a lot of money for that TV." They'll bang on the television.
0:32:40 > 0:32:41Andy...
0:32:41 > 0:32:46we don't want the viewers to get out of their chairs.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49But it's funny!
0:32:49 > 0:32:51It's a practical joke.
0:32:51 > 0:32:56The viewer must be able to see the programme.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01But it's only going to be for 30 seconds.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03Five.
0:33:03 > 0:33:04Twenty.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06Ten.
0:33:07 > 0:33:08Deal.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12OK, Andy, ten seconds, huh?
0:33:12 > 0:33:15- Ten seconds, OK.- OK.- OK.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26- Ten seconds.- Ten seconds is perfect.
0:33:30 > 0:33:34I've been watching you since I was a little boy...
0:33:35 > 0:33:38Look at how cute he is. Great!
0:33:38 > 0:33:40They prefer music.
0:33:44 > 0:33:46This is not funny.
0:33:46 > 0:33:50This is artsy-fartsy shit. I mean...
0:33:50 > 0:33:56This is the magical part of the show. The show's not all like this. It's hysterical. It's very funny.
0:33:56 > 0:34:02- For Christ sakes, we're the number-one network. Can't we afford decent TV?- That's part of the show.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06- This is part of the show?- Yes. - What do you mean?
0:34:06 > 0:34:09That's the way Andy wants it to roll.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12'Yes, Andy, I love you, too.'
0:34:14 > 0:34:19Tell Kaufman this network will never have this programme.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22That's him - Kaufman.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24Want a bet?
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Hey! Hey!
0:34:26 > 0:34:29Excuse me. Are you Andy Kaufman?
0:34:31 > 0:34:34I get that all the time.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41Andy!
0:34:42 > 0:34:47This is ridiculous. Take off that apron.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52No. I'd rather work here than at ABC.
0:34:52 > 0:34:59I'm sorry. They're assholes. In a creative business, there's no telling what people will like.
0:34:59 > 0:35:04The only reason why I did Taxi was so that I could have my own special.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07I know. I'll tell you what.
0:35:07 > 0:35:13Let me book you into some colleges and I'll take the special around, see if anybody wants to buy it.
0:35:13 > 0:35:19- No. Like a garage sale. No, I'm over now.- You're not over now.
0:35:19 > 0:35:24- I am.- You can't be over now.- I am. - You've got a deal with ABC!
0:35:24 > 0:35:30- All right, how much longer is left on my contract? - You signed for five years.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33- Four years and seven months.- Oh!
0:35:35 > 0:35:37MUSIC PLAYS
0:35:37 > 0:35:40AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:35:56 > 0:35:57Thank you.
0:35:57 > 0:36:02It's really great to be here. We're gonna have a great show tonight.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04A really good one!
0:36:04 > 0:36:08We're gonna start by singing some songs.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11- Do Latka.- What?- Yeah! Latka!
0:36:11 > 0:36:13Latka!
0:36:13 > 0:36:14Wait...
0:36:14 > 0:36:17AUDIENCE SCREAMS FOR LATKA
0:36:17 > 0:36:19THEY CHANT "LATKA! LATKA!"
0:36:20 > 0:36:23Excuse me for one second.
0:36:23 > 0:36:24Latka!
0:36:25 > 0:36:30- I saw that.- What?- Give me the book. What book? I need the book.- No.
0:36:30 > 0:36:34- Something wrong?- No. - Can I squeeze your nuts?- Oh!
0:36:34 > 0:36:35Thanks.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37They're asking for it.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:36:44 > 0:36:48Ladies and gentlemen, since you're such a...
0:36:48 > 0:36:52- special audience... - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Yeah!
0:36:52 > 0:36:56I'm going to reveal for the very first time ever...
0:36:56 > 0:37:00the real me. That's right.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07- POSH ENGLISH ACCENT - I'm actually British.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09LAUGHTER
0:37:09 > 0:37:15And though I dabble in clowning, I do find it so boorish, so...American.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17I prefer the fine arts.
0:37:17 > 0:37:23Henceforth today I'm going to grace you with a reading of one of the greatest novels ever written,
0:37:23 > 0:37:27The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Please.
0:37:32 > 0:37:38"In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice
0:37:38 > 0:37:42"that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.
0:37:42 > 0:37:47- "Whenever you feel like criticising anyone, remember that people..." - LATKA! LATKA!
0:37:47 > 0:37:54"..we've always been communicable in a reserved way and I understood that he meant a great deal more..."
0:37:54 > 0:37:56AUDIENCE IS SHOUTING FOR LATKA
0:37:59 > 0:38:00LAUGHTER
0:38:01 > 0:38:04- AS LATKA:- Thank you very much.
0:38:09 > 0:38:14"In consequence, I'm inclined to reserve all judgements,
0:38:14 > 0:38:19- BOOING - "a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me and also..."
0:38:19 > 0:38:20Latka!
0:38:20 > 0:38:25Now, now! Now, now! Please, keep it down. I've got a long way to go.
0:38:27 > 0:38:31- "..the same sort of people..." - BOOING
0:38:31 > 0:38:38- Would you rather I kept reading, or do you prefer to hear the phonograph record?- Record!
0:38:38 > 0:38:42- I'm sorry, I can't hear you. - RECORD!- Are you positive?
0:38:42 > 0:38:45- YES!- Very well, then.
0:38:51 > 0:38:55"Perhaps his presence gave the evening its peculiar quality..."
0:38:55 > 0:38:59READING CONTINUES ON RECORD
0:39:03 > 0:39:06"Year by year, received before us...
0:39:10 > 0:39:13- "Tomorrow..." - CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:39:13 > 0:39:16"Tomorrow, we will run faster,
0:39:16 > 0:39:20"stretch our arms out further
0:39:20 > 0:39:22"and one fine morning...
0:39:22 > 0:39:24"so we beat on,
0:39:24 > 0:39:27"boats against the current,
0:39:27 > 0:39:29"borne back ceaselessly...
0:39:30 > 0:39:32"into the past."
0:39:35 > 0:39:37The end.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41All right!
0:40:02 > 0:40:06You want to play Arizona State, you give them Mighty Mouse or Elvis.
0:40:06 > 0:40:11I gave them The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald's best work.
0:40:11 > 0:40:16- A classic.- His finest piece of work.- I don't care.
0:40:20 > 0:40:26Andy... Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question -
0:40:26 > 0:40:31who are you trying to entertain - the audience or yourself?
0:40:33 > 0:40:35Excuse me.
0:40:38 > 0:40:42- Bob?- George... - I'm worried about him.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46His stress level's affecting his work.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49Calm down! That's not going to help anything.
0:40:49 > 0:40:54Look, Tony Clifton is going to go on Taxi next week.
0:40:54 > 0:40:59That should let him blow off steam and relieve the stress.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02Bob, Andy needs to relax.
0:41:02 > 0:41:06This is your job. You have to take him away from all this.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Would you come on? Come on!
0:41:12 > 0:41:14Sh!
0:41:14 > 0:41:16- Hey, how you doing?- Fine.
0:41:16 > 0:41:22- Nice to meet you.- Nice to meet you. - How are you?- Peachy.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24Oh.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36What do we do now?
0:41:36 > 0:41:38Now you pick.
0:41:40 > 0:41:43What if I hurt somebody's feelings?
0:41:43 > 0:41:47You're not going to hurt anybody's feelings.
0:41:47 > 0:41:51- They're all professionals. OK?- OK.
0:41:56 > 0:41:59Which one?
0:42:00 > 0:42:02I will have BOTH!
0:42:08 > 0:42:12I will have this fraulein and the one with the big strudels.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14Schnell!
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Oh, no! Smooth, I'm going to kill you!
0:42:17 > 0:42:19Excellent choice.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22Hi.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24Are you having a good day?
0:42:24 > 0:42:29It's a big day. It's my buddy's first time with a prostitute.
0:42:29 > 0:42:33What are you talking about? Andy comes here almost every weekend.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35Who...Andy?!
0:42:35 > 0:42:38He doesn't always call himself that.
0:42:38 > 0:42:42Sometimes he's Tony and he wears a tux.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01Hey...
0:43:03 > 0:43:08if..if I gave you both 300,
0:43:08 > 0:43:11would you...
0:43:13 > 0:43:17..come to Hollywood and help me destroy a TV show?
0:43:19 > 0:43:21500.
0:43:21 > 0:43:24BANGING
0:43:27 > 0:43:31Who am I, Harry Houdini? Huh?
0:43:31 > 0:43:34I bust it through. Come on, girls.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36Welcome to the phoney free jam!
0:43:36 > 0:43:39OK, here's the man - Tony Clifton!
0:43:39 > 0:43:44Just the factsy, Maxy. Hey, hotshot! How you doing?
0:43:44 > 0:43:47- Very good...- Take a hike, punk! All right!
0:43:47 > 0:43:51- What are we doing, huh? - Here's your script.
0:43:51 > 0:43:55- That's the script I was given? - Yeah.- That's what I have to do?
0:43:55 > 0:43:59- OK. Let me see.- Right. - Bullshit...bullshit...my line.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02Bullshit...bullshit...my line.
0:44:03 > 0:44:06That's hilarious! That is hilarious!
0:44:06 > 0:44:10- I reviewed that script last night and I was not satisfied.- Well...
0:44:10 > 0:44:12I was not satisfied.
0:44:12 > 0:44:18- Why don't we...?- I made a few changes. I stayed up all night with these sweet ladies.
0:44:20 > 0:44:23- Can we get to work?- A hot dame.
0:44:23 > 0:44:27And this is Melonia. How's my little prose department?
0:44:27 > 0:44:29Parp-parp!
0:44:31 > 0:44:33This is the new Taxi theme song.
0:44:36 > 0:44:40# Oh, yes, we drive a taxi
0:44:40 > 0:44:49# Ahhhhhhhh
0:44:49 > 0:44:52# Agh-agh-agh... #
0:44:52 > 0:44:54George...
0:44:55 > 0:44:59..I can't afford to blow this whole episode.
0:44:59 > 0:45:01We have to let him go.
0:45:03 > 0:45:07- I'm not sure how Andy'll take this. - We'll just have to tell him.
0:45:07 > 0:45:11But...but that's Tony down there. It's not Andy.
0:45:11 > 0:45:15I don't give a fuck who that is - I'm going to fire him.
0:45:15 > 0:45:19OK. All right. But we better warn Andy first.
0:45:19 > 0:45:23He's up in San Francisco. I'll call his secretary.
0:45:25 > 0:45:28Diane, this is George.
0:45:28 > 0:45:32I'm trying to reach Andy up in San Francisco.
0:45:34 > 0:45:36I'll wait.
0:45:38 > 0:45:42- Hello?- Andy! I'm gonna put you on the speaker.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44- Andy!- Hello!- Hi!
0:45:44 > 0:45:46I'm here with Ed over at Taxi.
0:45:46 > 0:45:49- Hi, Ed.- Hi, Andy.- How are you?- Fine.
0:45:49 > 0:45:54- Andy, there's been some trouble with Tony.- Oh, no! Did he get hurt?
0:45:54 > 0:45:58- No - it's nothing like that. - Did he hurt someone else?- No.
0:45:58 > 0:46:03It's not that. Andy, the reason I'm calling you like this
0:46:03 > 0:46:06is I have the utmost respect for your artistry...
0:46:06 > 0:46:09I have always appreciated that, Ed.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11Thank you.
0:46:11 > 0:46:17But, in this instance, I have to ask your permission to fire Tony.
0:46:21 > 0:46:23Oh, my!
0:46:23 > 0:46:28George, this is going to kill Tony. He's waited for this his whole life.
0:46:28 > 0:46:33- There'll be other shots. - We have to. He's a terrible actor.
0:46:33 > 0:46:37OK. But please let him down gently.
0:46:37 > 0:46:39Trust us.
0:46:39 > 0:46:43FUCK YOU! I'M NOT GOING!
0:46:44 > 0:46:46We had a deal.
0:46:46 > 0:46:49I know who you talked to. You got someone else.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51I was talking to Andy Kaufman.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Oh! Oh! Oh! Andy Kaufman!
0:46:54 > 0:46:56Security, get in here!
0:46:57 > 0:47:01- Security!- You want to arrest him!
0:47:14 > 0:47:17Don't hurt him! He's a delicate man!
0:47:17 > 0:47:19Please leave the set.
0:47:19 > 0:47:22Hey! Give me that!
0:47:23 > 0:47:28If you guys ever go to Vegas, you're not getting in!
0:47:28 > 0:47:31Come here! Give me that!
0:47:31 > 0:47:33Give me that camera!
0:47:33 > 0:47:37I got 20 bucks says you work for me! I'd like to use a phone!
0:47:37 > 0:47:40Not on the lot, sir.
0:47:40 > 0:47:44How about a bathroom? I may have shit my pants.
0:47:44 > 0:47:47- Drink of water?- No.- Aspirin?- No. - Wash towelette?
0:47:47 > 0:47:53In that case, it has been an honour. And good day!
0:47:55 > 0:47:57Great!
0:47:57 > 0:48:00This is too much, man! It makes Tony real.
0:48:02 > 0:48:05It's good for his career, George.
0:48:05 > 0:48:10Oh, really! You want to book Tony Clifton at Harrah's Tahoe?
0:48:10 > 0:48:12The college kids really like Andy Kaufman.
0:48:12 > 0:48:16No, wait - let me be really clear about this.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19If you book Tony, do not expect to get Andy.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22I'll take my chances, all right.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27All right. Be my guest. Book him.
0:48:30 > 0:48:32Shut up!
0:48:33 > 0:48:36- MURMUR OF VOICES - Shut the hell up!
0:48:36 > 0:48:42If you make one more sound I'll come down and put your head in the soup.
0:48:42 > 0:48:46If I go like this, it means I expect total silence.
0:48:47 > 0:48:50There is an artiste on stage.
0:49:04 > 0:49:08That's better!
0:49:13 > 0:49:15# Whether I'm right
0:49:17 > 0:49:19# Or whether I'm wrong
0:49:20 > 0:49:23# Whether I find a place in this world
0:49:23 > 0:49:25# Or never belong
0:49:26 > 0:49:29# I've got to be me
0:49:29 > 0:49:32# I've gotta be me
0:49:33 > 0:49:38# Willing to try to do it or die! #
0:49:49 > 0:49:51Thank you very much.
0:49:51 > 0:49:55Thank you. I do all my own stunts.
0:49:55 > 0:49:56Wow!
0:49:56 > 0:50:01# ..I've got to be... #
0:50:06 > 0:50:09What the hell's going on? Kaufman!
0:50:09 > 0:50:13# Oooooh...! #
0:50:13 > 0:50:17HE SINGS GIBBERISH
0:50:19 > 0:50:21Kaufman's crapping on my act!
0:50:21 > 0:50:24HE SINGS GIBBERISH
0:50:26 > 0:50:29Where's it say Kaufman plays drums?!
0:50:35 > 0:50:39May I borrow this for a second?
0:50:54 > 0:50:59- AUDIENCE GASPS - Now you are all wet, huh?
0:50:59 > 0:51:01You looked like you could use a little drink.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05Go on! Get out of here!
0:51:05 > 0:51:07AUDIENCE BOOS
0:51:09 > 0:51:11Andy!
0:51:11 > 0:51:14# I've got to be... #
0:51:18 > 0:51:21Oh, all right!
0:51:23 > 0:51:26Wowowowowow!
0:51:26 > 0:51:29AUDIENCE JEERS
0:51:37 > 0:51:40Close the goddamn door! Close it!
0:51:41 > 0:51:46Oh! Look at you! You're so proud!
0:51:46 > 0:51:50You're like some stupid kid who comes home from school -
0:51:50 > 0:51:52"Look, Dad! I got an F."
0:51:52 > 0:51:54But wasn't it funny?
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Yes, it was funny, Andy.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59It was.
0:51:59 > 0:52:04Yes, it was funny for a little while, until the audience realised that Tony wasn't you.
0:52:07 > 0:52:12So what do you have here? Some big elaborate joke that's only funny
0:52:12 > 0:52:15to two people in the Universe - you and you.
0:52:15 > 0:52:19Sure. And we think it's hilarious.
0:52:19 > 0:52:21- Agh!- Agh!- Agh!- Agh!
0:52:21 > 0:52:26- What's the point? What is the point? - It's fun, George.
0:52:28 > 0:52:33How's this going to make you the biggest star in the world?
0:52:33 > 0:52:39George, at this point the audience expects me to completely shock them all the time,
0:52:39 > 0:52:43but short of faking my own death or setting the theatre on fire,
0:52:43 > 0:52:47I don't know what to do. I've got to be one step ahead.
0:52:47 > 0:52:50Ohh!
0:52:50 > 0:52:53- It's like ballet.- Oh!
0:52:53 > 0:52:55- You see that?- Bam!
0:52:58 > 0:53:02These guys are brilliant. I wanna be a bad-guy wrestler.
0:53:02 > 0:53:07I hate to break it to you but you don't have the build for it,
0:53:07 > 0:53:12the look for it. These guys are huge. They would kick your ass.
0:53:13 > 0:53:17Maybe I can pick on someone a little smaller than me.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19'No, no -'
0:53:19 > 0:53:22women are superior to men in many ways.
0:53:22 > 0:53:24- CHEERS - That's right.
0:53:24 > 0:53:28When it comes to cooking and cleaning and washing the potatoes,
0:53:28 > 0:53:33making the babies, mopping the floors, they have it all over men.
0:53:33 > 0:53:38I believe that. But when it comes to wrestling... Shut up!
0:53:38 > 0:53:41Be quiet when the man is talking!
0:53:41 > 0:53:44AUDIENCE BOOS
0:53:44 > 0:53:48If there is a woman here tonight who can prove me wrong
0:53:48 > 0:53:53I will shut my mouth and pay her 500.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59First come, first served!
0:53:59 > 0:54:02You want to take Andy? Come on!
0:54:02 > 0:54:05- What's your name?- My name's Lynne.
0:54:05 > 0:54:11- You're pathetic! You're pathetic! - We'll see about that, Susie Q!
0:54:11 > 0:54:15No kicking, biting, punching, scratching. Do you understand?
0:54:15 > 0:54:20- He's going to play fair?- I'm not concerned with him.- It's up to you to pin me.
0:54:20 > 0:54:22- I understand!- Shake hands!
0:54:25 > 0:54:28In your corners. Come out wrestling when you hear the bell.
0:54:34 > 0:54:37You see? You see this?
0:54:45 > 0:54:47No choke hold!
0:54:47 > 0:54:49Come on!
0:54:50 > 0:54:52Ow!
0:54:52 > 0:54:55Break it up!
0:54:57 > 0:54:59First warning! You pulled her hair!
0:54:59 > 0:55:04- You want me to give you a second warning?- Shut up!
0:55:04 > 0:55:06I am the champion!
0:55:22 > 0:55:25One, two,
0:55:25 > 0:55:26three!
0:55:26 > 0:55:29- Over! It is over!- Loser!
0:55:29 > 0:55:32You are out! You are down!
0:55:32 > 0:55:36Winner and undisputed intergender wrestling champion of the world!
0:55:36 > 0:55:38AUDIENCE BOOS
0:55:38 > 0:55:40Andy Kaufman!
0:55:40 > 0:55:45I am the winner. I've got the brains.
0:55:46 > 0:55:50HE CLUCKS LIKE CHICKEN
0:55:56 > 0:56:00Ma'am! Here is your complimentary photo of Merv
0:56:00 > 0:56:05- and your Turtle Wax.- I don't want it.- Everyone gets it.
0:56:05 > 0:56:08- And here is your gift voucher to Red Lobster.- Thanks.
0:56:08 > 0:56:13I wanted to thank you for doing such a great job. I really appreciate it.
0:56:13 > 0:56:15- Don't patronise me.- Wait!
0:56:15 > 0:56:19- What?- I hope you don't take everything I did seriously.
0:56:19 > 0:56:22It was just part of the show.
0:56:22 > 0:56:26It's like the carnival barker who'd get the crowd all riled up.
0:56:26 > 0:56:29So you just pretend to be an asshole?
0:56:29 > 0:56:32That's what I'm good at.
0:56:33 > 0:56:35Yeah, you are.
0:56:35 > 0:56:38You are really, really good at it.
0:56:45 > 0:56:48He got 2,000 pieces of hate mail.
0:56:48 > 0:56:51Don't make me laugh, George!
0:56:51 > 0:56:55Andy, Merv does not get hate mail.
0:56:55 > 0:56:58That means we were a success.
0:56:59 > 0:57:03We've got them all worked up - like punk rock.
0:57:03 > 0:57:05Andy - they detest you!
0:57:05 > 0:57:09Next time you make an appearance, women are going to picket.
0:57:09 > 0:57:11- You think so?- Yes!
0:57:11 > 0:57:15Because you have not given them any clues that this is a parody.
0:57:15 > 0:57:24That's because I've only done it once. They'll get used to it cos I'm going to do it again and again.
0:57:24 > 0:57:27# Rose Marie
0:57:27 > 0:57:30# I love you
0:57:31 > 0:57:36# I'll always really love you
0:57:39 > 0:57:41# No matter what I do
0:57:41 > 0:57:44# I can't forget you
0:57:46 > 0:57:51# Sometimes I wish that I'd never met you
0:57:54 > 0:58:00# And if I should lose you
0:58:00 > 0:58:06# It would mean my very life to me
0:58:09 > 0:58:13# Of all the queens that ever lived
0:58:13 > 0:58:16# I'd choose you
0:58:16 > 0:58:20# To rule me, my Rose Marie. #
0:58:20 > 0:58:23Two adults, please. Thank you.
0:58:23 > 0:58:27- Do you want some popcorn?- No, thank you.- I really want one.
0:58:27 > 0:58:32A large tub of popcorn, please - extra butter.
0:58:32 > 0:58:36So why did you call me? You were the last person I expected to call me.
0:58:36 > 0:58:42Gosh, gee, Lynne, I was just so impressed with your wrestling moves.
0:58:42 > 0:58:44You were impressed with something.
0:58:44 > 0:58:49- You had a huge boner on national television.- Oh, man!- You did!
0:58:49 > 0:58:53I had it taped down and everything. I hope I didn't offend you.
0:58:53 > 0:58:59- I'm here, aren't I?- Hey!- What?- Want to go to Memphis and get married?
0:58:59 > 0:59:03Do I want to go to Memphis and get married?
0:59:03 > 0:59:06Mm-hm.
0:59:07 > 0:59:09Why Memphis?
0:59:09 > 0:59:13Because Memphis is the wrestling capital of the world.
0:59:13 > 0:59:20I'll get in the ring and say I'll marry the first woman who beats me. You'll get up, and we'll wrestle.
0:59:20 > 0:59:23- I'll let you win.- Yeah? - I'll let you win.
0:59:23 > 0:59:27Then we'll run off and get married on the David Letterman Show.
0:59:27 > 0:59:31- God!- OK?
0:59:34 > 0:59:37What do you say?
0:59:37 > 0:59:39Is this for real?
0:59:39 > 0:59:41SHUT UP!
0:59:41 > 0:59:44- AUDIENCE JEERS AND BOOS - SHUT UP!
0:59:44 > 0:59:47I DEMAND SILENCE WHEN I AM TALKING!
0:59:47 > 0:59:51A total lack of respect from Mr Hollywood...
0:59:51 > 0:59:55If there is one woman here who thinks she can defeat me,
0:59:55 > 1:00:00that lucky little lady will get to marry me!
1:00:00 > 1:00:05What kind of man would wrestle a woman anyway?
1:00:05 > 1:00:08Kaufman!
1:00:08 > 1:00:10Kaufman!
1:00:10 > 1:00:13I'll take you on, you sissy!
1:00:13 > 1:00:16Oh! The little lady is upset!
1:00:16 > 1:00:22Go back to the kitchen where you belong before you get hurt. OK?
1:00:22 > 1:00:27No, Kaufman, you get in the kitchen. I'm going to make you DO MY DISHES!
1:00:27 > 1:00:31Stop it! Stop it! This woman is a fake!
1:00:32 > 1:00:36She's nothing more than Andy Kaufman's girlfriend.
1:00:36 > 1:00:39AUDIENCE BOOS There you go!
1:00:39 > 1:00:41That's not true!
1:00:42 > 1:00:46That's not true! That is not true!
1:00:46 > 1:00:48This is all a set up, Kaufman!
1:00:48 > 1:00:53- I won't let you make fools out of all these people.- Who are you?
1:00:53 > 1:00:57I'm Jerry Lawler - the king of Memphis wrestling!
1:00:57 > 1:01:00He's the king!
1:01:02 > 1:01:06Hey, Kaufman, if you want to wrestle somebody,
1:01:06 > 1:01:10I've brought a real wrestler. She's trained and she's ready.
1:01:10 > 1:01:14Let's see if you can handle Foxy Jackson!
1:01:14 > 1:01:16Oh, my! Foxy Jackson!
1:01:16 > 1:01:20And Andy Kaufman right here!
1:01:20 > 1:01:24I never agreed to this! I will not do this!
1:01:24 > 1:01:27I did not agree to this! This is against the rules!
1:01:27 > 1:01:31I don't think Kaufman's prepared for Foxy Jackson.
1:01:31 > 1:01:34Mr Hollywood.
1:01:35 > 1:01:39Again, Kaufman's showing a total lack of respect.
1:01:39 > 1:01:44Foxy Jackson's going to take Kaufman to the woodshed, folks.
1:01:44 > 1:01:46CHEERS
1:01:49 > 1:01:52Kaufman's hanging on the ropes like a little baby.
1:01:52 > 1:01:57Foxy's about to take Kaufman right out of his shorts.
1:02:16 > 1:02:18- One, two, three!- The son of a gun!
1:02:18 > 1:02:20You want to get off her.
1:02:21 > 1:02:24Get him off her!
1:02:24 > 1:02:29There goes the king. The king just threw Kaufman down like a rag doll.
1:02:29 > 1:02:33The king took matters into his own hands.
1:02:33 > 1:02:38What are you doing?! I do not wrestle men. I'll sue you, Lawler!
1:02:38 > 1:02:41I am a national TV star!
1:02:41 > 1:02:46I don't like dumb, stupid crackers in the ring, pushing me around.
1:02:46 > 1:02:51I did not agree to wrestle YOU! This is assault and battery!
1:02:51 > 1:02:57I am gonna get a team of lawyers to sue you and your children and your children's children...
1:02:57 > 1:03:01Let me tell you something, Kaufman. Wrestling is a serious sport to me.
1:03:01 > 1:03:05I don't appreciate some jerk like you trying to make fun of it,
1:03:05 > 1:03:10or making fun of people from the South. So we can go to court,
1:03:10 > 1:03:15- or you can get in the ring with a man and wrestle for real.- Oh!
1:03:15 > 1:03:19- SOUTHERN ACCENT: - You wanna wrastle me Memphis-style?
1:03:19 > 1:03:24I'll tell you something, Mr Lawler - I'll make you scream for mercy.
1:03:34 > 1:03:37- They didn't know what hit them! - Is it an act?
1:03:37 > 1:03:42Is it an act, or are you just addicted to causing trouble?
1:03:42 > 1:03:45I can quit any time I want, baby!
1:03:45 > 1:03:50You know what? I'm not a prop. Don't ever treat me like that again.
1:03:50 > 1:03:53I'm sorry. Hey!
1:03:53 > 1:03:57Hey, I just get caught up, that's all.
1:03:57 > 1:04:02Sometimes I get...lost.
1:04:07 > 1:04:12- Please, enough with the wrestling. - You don't think I can beat him?
1:04:12 > 1:04:16He's the Southern Heavyweight Champion! He'll kill you!
1:04:16 > 1:04:22I don't know. I've wrestled women bigger than him and mopped the floor with them.
1:04:22 > 1:04:24Yeah. First you piss off women,
1:04:24 > 1:04:29then you piss off the South, you get killed and I did the booking!
1:04:29 > 1:04:35It's funny. Listen, I got this job that I want you to take.
1:04:35 > 1:04:41It's guest-hosting a TV show Fridays. It's not a great TV show, but it'll be good for you.
1:04:41 > 1:04:48It's live, they'll give you carte blanche, and you can get back in the business of making people laugh.
1:04:48 > 1:04:51- You said live?- Live.
1:04:51 > 1:04:57- I don't do drug humour.- Andy, it's fine. This is what this show is about. Kids love this stuff.
1:04:57 > 1:05:01I don't do drugs and I don't enjoy making light of them.
1:05:01 > 1:05:04I was promised creative control.
1:05:04 > 1:05:06Nobody promised you creative control.
1:05:06 > 1:05:13I got you this script three days ago and you didn't say a damn word. We go live in minutes. It's too late.
1:05:13 > 1:05:17- It's on!- 'Live from Las Vegas, it's Fridays,
1:05:17 > 1:05:21'With special guest star, Andy Kaufman!
1:05:21 > 1:05:26'In this sketch, two married couples are out to dinner.
1:05:26 > 1:05:30'Everybody has secretly brought along a joint.'
1:05:30 > 1:05:35And Carl is the last one to sneak to the bathroom to get a little high.
1:05:35 > 1:05:38Now, he's coming back to the table.
1:05:38 > 1:05:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1:05:41 > 1:05:45Gee, restaurants are amazing, aren't they?
1:05:45 > 1:05:50All these strangers sitting around, stuffing dead animals into their faces!
1:05:50 > 1:05:53Yeah! Gee!
1:05:53 > 1:05:57And the bathrooms are so colourful...
1:06:10 > 1:06:13Everything OK, Carl?
1:06:13 > 1:06:17I'm sorry. I just can't do it.
1:06:17 > 1:06:20I can't play stoned.
1:06:20 > 1:06:23Read the cue cards.
1:06:23 > 1:06:27I can't play stoned. I feel...stupid.
1:06:27 > 1:06:30YOU feel stupid? What about US?
1:06:43 > 1:06:45I'm sorry.
1:06:45 > 1:06:47I'm sorry.
1:06:50 > 1:06:52- Andy!- Oh!
1:06:54 > 1:06:57You didn't have to do that!
1:07:01 > 1:07:03Cut it out!
1:07:03 > 1:07:06You jerk!
1:07:06 > 1:07:13- That's it! Tony, go to commercial. - I told you I didn't wanna do the sketch.- Kaufman, get off my stage.
1:07:13 > 1:07:17Don't you touch me! You're on national... You are a nut!
1:07:20 > 1:07:25- Why does Andy do that? Why? Why? - 'I started using...'
1:07:25 > 1:07:28We've gone to commercial!
1:07:28 > 1:07:35- You'll never work in ABC again, ever.- Excuse me! Ladies and gentlemen! Please!
1:07:35 > 1:07:38You have all just participated in a happening.
1:07:38 > 1:07:41Oh!
1:07:46 > 1:07:53OK. To make it real, some of you down there knew what was going on and some of you didn't. I'm sorry.
1:07:53 > 1:07:56But we don't wanna upset the folks at home,
1:07:56 > 1:08:02so now Andy is going to tell them that it was all just a prank.
1:08:02 > 1:08:05Coming back from commercial, and...
1:08:09 > 1:08:17During the commercials, the people at ABC told me to explain to you that this whole episode was staged.
1:08:17 > 1:08:19- Oh, good.- It's a lie!
1:08:19 > 1:08:26It's a cover-up! I don't understand why you're laughing. I'm not being funny. What you saw was real!
1:08:26 > 1:08:32- These things happen all the time at the networks, only they cut away... - Cut to commercial.
1:08:32 > 1:08:35You see? You see?
1:08:35 > 1:08:38Now they'll fire me, so if you want to see me again, come to Memphis...
1:08:40 > 1:08:46- What's in Memphis? - Our kid is totally meshugene.
1:08:53 > 1:08:57'Jerry "The King" Lawler!
1:09:02 > 1:09:07'The most popular athlete in the history of Memphis, Tennessee
1:09:07 > 1:09:10'stepping inside the square circle.
1:09:13 > 1:09:16'At 236 lbs,
1:09:16 > 1:09:21'Jerry..."The King"...Lawler!
1:09:26 > 1:09:30'And introducing, at 191 lbs,
1:09:30 > 1:09:37'the holder of the World Intergender Championship,
1:09:37 > 1:09:41'here is Andy Kaufman!
1:09:41 > 1:09:45'You can hear the ovation, or lack of one, for Andy Kaufman.
1:09:45 > 1:09:48'The cheers turned to jeers.
1:09:48 > 1:09:52'And Lawler is gonna settle a score for each and every one of us,
1:09:52 > 1:09:57'because we've all been insulted by this hideous Andy Kaufman,
1:09:57 > 1:09:59'this man from Hollywood, California.'
1:10:01 > 1:10:03CROWD BOOS
1:10:03 > 1:10:11Before we begin this event, I just wanna say a couple of things to you disgusting people.
1:10:11 > 1:10:13Aw, come on! That's just not right.
1:10:13 > 1:10:17- Are you listening to me?- No!
1:10:17 > 1:10:20OK!
1:10:20 > 1:10:22Ladies and gentlemen,
1:10:22 > 1:10:26this is a bar of soap.
1:10:26 > 1:10:30Say it with me - soap!
1:10:30 > 1:10:36All you have to do is wet this bar of soap and wipe your hands with it,
1:10:36 > 1:10:43and rub it on your body, and soon that disgusting, filthy dirt will come off.
1:10:43 > 1:10:45Why is he saying these things?
1:10:45 > 1:10:50- He's just engaging the audience, riling them up.- They'll lynch him.
1:10:50 > 1:10:53Now for lesson two.
1:10:53 > 1:10:56This is toilet paper...
1:10:56 > 1:10:59- 'Oh, good grief!'- Use it!
1:11:01 > 1:11:06Kaufman, we've had enough of your crap. Let's wrestle right now!
1:11:07 > 1:11:13'Well, the King is ready and I hope for Kaufman's sake HE'S ready.'
1:11:14 > 1:11:16BELL
1:11:18 > 1:11:23'Kaufman's due a trip to the old woodshed here.
1:11:23 > 1:11:28'Well, I never thought I'd see the day... Look at Kaufman!
1:11:28 > 1:11:32'Kaufman doesn't want any part of Lawler!
1:11:32 > 1:11:37'He's an absolute embarrassment to humanity, this man from Hollywood.
1:11:37 > 1:11:40- You see? I am from Hollywood! - 'Who cares?'
1:11:40 > 1:11:47- I have the brains!- 'Nobody cares where you're from.'- I'm the king, I'm the king! I'm the king of Memphis!
1:11:47 > 1:11:52- Andy, please, let's go home!- Don't worry, Mom, I'll make you proud.
1:11:52 > 1:11:58'Kaufman got nailed with something. Some fan threw something...'
1:11:58 > 1:12:00Don't do that!
1:12:00 > 1:12:05You cannot touch me! I will sue you! I make more money in one day
1:12:05 > 1:12:09than you do in your entire lives, scumbags!
1:12:09 > 1:12:14Kaufman! Did you come down here to wrestle or to act like an ass?
1:12:16 > 1:12:20Now get in the ring! I'll give you a free headlock, OK?
1:12:20 > 1:12:25'Lawler seems to be willing to offer a free hold, or something.'
1:12:25 > 1:12:27It's OK!
1:12:27 > 1:12:32'Let him get in there and let's see what kind of man he is!
1:12:35 > 1:12:40'I can't believe that the King is gonna go through with this.
1:12:40 > 1:12:45'That bigmouth son of a gun has got a free headlock. Business may pick up!
1:12:49 > 1:12:52'Look out, Kaufman!
1:12:52 > 1:12:55'Oh, there he goes! Oh, my!
1:12:55 > 1:12:57'Kaufman in trouble!
1:12:57 > 1:13:00'Look out!
1:13:08 > 1:13:14'Now the King is asking this crowd if the wanna see the pile-driver!
1:13:14 > 1:13:19'That's illegal. Kaufman is out of it. Oh, my! Oh, my!
1:13:19 > 1:13:22'It's gonna be a pile-driver!
1:13:24 > 1:13:27'There it is!
1:13:27 > 1:13:30'He's hurt bad.
1:13:30 > 1:13:34'That's an automatic disqualification right there.
1:13:34 > 1:13:38'Kaufman wins it, but he doesn't look like a winner right now.'
1:13:45 > 1:13:50- Hey, George.- Thanks for seeing me at such short notice.- Yep.
1:13:52 > 1:13:59I...I wanted to talk to you about putting Andy back on Saturday Night Live.
1:14:03 > 1:14:07George, I don't know whether Andy works on the show any more.
1:14:07 > 1:14:10I mean, the wrestling stuff is...
1:14:10 > 1:14:16- Yeah...- I think it's... - ..the wrestling we all agree completely about.
1:14:16 > 1:14:19- The wrestling...- That's smart. - Um...
1:14:19 > 1:14:23- Andy is very sincere.- Right.
1:14:23 > 1:14:28He's gonna apologise to Jerry Lawler and repent for all his bad-guy shenanigans.
1:14:28 > 1:14:31I apologise for all the wrestling I've ever done
1:14:31 > 1:14:38and I'm sorry for all the grief I've ever given. I was just playing bad-guy wrestler,
1:14:38 > 1:14:45and it's just a role, it's not me, so I guess Jerry just, um, took it personally.
1:14:45 > 1:14:49Yeah, but you said some pretty inflammatory things, obviously.
1:14:49 > 1:14:54Everything's a joke to this guy. I don't know if that's a neck brace or a flea collar.
1:14:54 > 1:14:59This is very serious. I was in the hospital for three days in traction.
1:14:59 > 1:15:06And I'll tell you something else - my father said I could have hired a lawyer and sued you for everything,
1:15:06 > 1:15:09but I didn't, because I'm not that kind of guy.
1:15:09 > 1:15:12What kind of guy are you?
1:15:12 > 1:15:14AUDIENCE: Ooh!
1:15:22 > 1:15:28OK, well, I think maybe I'll get a lawyer.
1:15:28 > 1:15:32Listen, if you were a man, you'd apologise to me right now,
1:15:32 > 1:15:37but you're poor white trash so I guess that's too lofty a concept...
1:15:45 > 1:15:50Are we...? Is everything...? Are you OK? Huh?
1:15:50 > 1:15:57I'm sick of this shit, Lawler. I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got. Fuck you!
1:15:57 > 1:16:00OK? OK, Lawler? Fuck you!
1:16:00 > 1:16:04I'm sorry, David. I know I'm not supposed to say those things on TV.
1:16:04 > 1:16:08I can't say those words, and I apologise. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
1:16:08 > 1:16:12- But you - you are a...- BEEP! BEEP!- ..hole! OK?
1:16:16 > 1:16:18Well!
1:16:18 > 1:16:21Well, I, er...
1:16:21 > 1:16:25I think you can use some of those words on television.
1:16:25 > 1:16:27What you can't do is throw coffee.
1:16:27 > 1:16:32Some of us at Saturday Night Live think Andy Kaufman's a comic genius.
1:16:32 > 1:16:35But others disagree.
1:16:35 > 1:16:41They say he's just not funny any more, so we're leaving the decision up to you.
1:16:41 > 1:16:46To keep Andy, call 1900 555 7618. To dump him...
1:16:50 > 1:16:53This is bad.
1:16:53 > 1:16:56I only got 28%.
1:16:56 > 1:17:04This is Saturday Night Live, the hippest audience in television. They turned on you. Look,
1:17:04 > 1:17:06it pains me to say this.
1:17:06 > 1:17:11But I don't think you two guys should ever work together again.
1:17:11 > 1:17:19- I'm sorry, George. We just thought it was funny.- You don't have to be sorry, Jerry. You're terrific.
1:17:19 > 1:17:24- You're just the best.- I wouldn't have traded it for anything.
1:17:24 > 1:17:29- To me, this was a shining moment for wrestling.- Me too.
1:17:29 > 1:17:33And it was a shining moment for behavioural science!
1:17:33 > 1:17:37Hey, but why can't I make a gag out of this?
1:17:37 > 1:17:42Maybe I could go on the show and I could say it was rigged,
1:17:42 > 1:17:45and that I demand a recount.
1:17:46 > 1:17:50Andy...you don't understand.
1:17:51 > 1:17:54They don't want you back.
1:18:00 > 1:18:03Now close your eyes.
1:18:03 > 1:18:09And if the thoughts of this world come into your head, don't be upset by them.
1:18:09 > 1:18:16- It's just your stress unravelling itself. Slowly come back to the mantra.- Andy?
1:18:17 > 1:18:20Please.
1:18:20 > 1:18:24Just continue your meditation. I'll be back.
1:18:24 > 1:18:28- Jai gurudev.- Jai gurudev.
1:18:28 > 1:18:31- Hi, Andy.- Hi.
1:18:32 > 1:18:38This is, um, very difficult for me to say.
1:18:38 > 1:18:41Um, but we...
1:18:41 > 1:18:47we feel...that it's best if you don't attend the retreat.
1:18:49 > 1:18:51Why?
1:18:51 > 1:18:54I go to the retreat every year.
1:18:54 > 1:19:01Oh, I know, Andy, and we don't doubt your devotion to transcendental meditation.
1:19:01 > 1:19:07- It's just that we feel that, well, you and the programme have grown apart...- Philosophically.
1:19:07 > 1:19:13- Philosophically?!- The wrestling, the sexist remarks, the foul language...
1:19:13 > 1:19:17It's not becoming of an individual of spiritual enlightenment.
1:19:17 > 1:19:22- It seems you just don't respect anything.- Of course I do!
1:19:22 > 1:19:29I just...I think of the world as an illusion, and we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously.
1:19:29 > 1:19:30Don't...
1:19:32 > 1:19:35Don't...please, do this.
1:19:35 > 1:19:40You've got to let me attend these classes. They keep me balanced.
1:19:40 > 1:19:43It's apparently not working.
1:19:43 > 1:19:46Then help me, help me, OK? Guide me...
1:19:46 > 1:19:50Andy...we just don't wish your presence here.
1:19:52 > 1:19:55KNOCK AT DOOR
1:19:59 > 1:20:01Hi!
1:20:01 > 1:20:05I brought you some Haagen-Dazs.
1:20:05 > 1:20:08I don't deserve Haagen-Dazs.
1:20:08 > 1:20:10I'm...
1:20:10 > 1:20:13- I'm a bad person.- Oh!
1:20:15 > 1:20:18You aren't a bad person.
1:20:18 > 1:20:22You are a complicated person.
1:20:22 > 1:20:24You don't know the real me.
1:20:25 > 1:20:28There isn't a real you!
1:20:31 > 1:20:34Oh, yeah! I forgot.
1:20:39 > 1:20:40(Baby.)
1:20:42 > 1:20:45Do you wanna move in with me?
1:20:47 > 1:20:51What? Say it again.
1:20:56 > 1:21:00# Rose...Marie
1:21:00 > 1:21:03# I love you
1:21:05 > 1:21:10# I'm always dreami-i-in' of you... #
1:21:20 > 1:21:22PHONE RINGS
1:21:22 > 1:21:25I'll get it!
1:21:30 > 1:21:34Kaufman and Margulies Centre for S-S-Sexual Research.
1:21:34 > 1:21:39- Andy, it's George.- Hey, George. I'm not sure we can do anything for YOU.
1:21:39 > 1:21:41Uh, Andy...
1:21:41 > 1:21:44- I got some crummy news.- Oh?
1:21:45 > 1:21:48Taxi's been cancelled.
1:21:48 > 1:21:51And...the crummy news(?)
1:21:51 > 1:21:56Y-You want me to come over, we'll talk about it?
1:21:56 > 1:21:58Um, nope.
1:21:58 > 1:22:01I'm sort of busy now. I'll see you next week, though. Thanks.
1:22:26 > 1:22:27Yuck.
1:22:29 > 1:22:34And now, ladies and gentlemen, a treat for staying late. Please welcome...
1:22:34 > 1:22:38from Taxi, the Improv's own Mr Andy Kaufman!
1:22:42 > 1:22:45Actually, Budd, you're wrong.
1:22:45 > 1:22:48I found out today that Taxi has been cancelled...
1:22:48 > 1:22:50What?
1:22:52 > 1:22:55..not to mention that my wife left me
1:22:55 > 1:22:58and she took the kids.
1:22:59 > 1:23:03I don't understand why you're laughing. I-I'm not joking.
1:23:03 > 1:23:08And this morning, I got up and I noticed that I have, um...
1:23:08 > 1:23:10a cyst or some kind of boil
1:23:10 > 1:23:12on the back of my neck.
1:23:12 > 1:23:15Look.
1:23:15 > 1:23:17See?
1:23:17 > 1:23:22So I was thinking that since I'm still kind of a...quasi celebrity,
1:23:22 > 1:23:26that maybe I could charge people to touch it.
1:23:28 > 1:23:32Would anybody like to pay a dollar to touch my cyst?
1:23:33 > 1:23:36I'm serious.
1:23:36 > 1:23:41- I could really use the money right now. It's a good deal. - HE COUGHS
1:23:43 > 1:23:46Oh. OK.
1:23:46 > 1:23:48Oh, wait, no. You gotta pay first.
1:23:50 > 1:23:51It's a dollar...
1:23:51 > 1:23:54to touch my celebrity cyst.
1:23:54 > 1:23:55OK...
1:23:58 > 1:24:00Ow!
1:24:00 > 1:24:03SCATTERED APPLAUSE
1:24:16 > 1:24:18- Thank you.- You're welcome.
1:24:18 > 1:24:20Thank you very much.
1:24:24 > 1:24:30W-Would, Andy...like to tell us why he called us out at four o'clock in the morning?
1:24:30 > 1:24:33Um...
1:24:33 > 1:24:35Yeah.
1:24:35 > 1:24:37Um, I have cancer.
1:24:41 > 1:24:44Forget it. FORGET it.
1:24:44 > 1:24:46That is in terrible taste.
1:24:46 > 1:24:52- I don't want anything to do with this. Nothing.- No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, we can make that play.
1:24:54 > 1:24:59Yeah, OK! And we'll really, we'll just drag it out.
1:24:59 > 1:25:01You...you get better, you get worse.
1:25:03 > 1:25:06No - you die and then, uh... you come back to life.
1:25:06 > 1:25:09BOB LAUGHS It's funny.
1:25:09 > 1:25:11That's funny.
1:25:11 > 1:25:15But, um, it's not a gag. Bob, I got cancer.
1:25:15 > 1:25:17I got lung cancer.
1:25:17 > 1:25:21Lung cancer(!) That's ridiculous! You don't even smoke!
1:25:21 > 1:25:25I've got some freaky, rare kind. It's called large-cell carcinoma.
1:25:26 > 1:25:28Yay(!)
1:25:28 > 1:25:30I'm a lucky guy(!)
1:25:43 > 1:25:48- Have you told your family?- No... No. I don't wanna tell them.
1:25:52 > 1:25:54I just...
1:25:58 > 1:26:00I've jerked them around so much.
1:26:04 > 1:26:05Andy...
1:26:05 > 1:26:09look in my eye and tell me this is true.
1:26:11 > 1:26:15I'm so ashamed... I'm sorry, I'm so ashamed.
1:26:15 > 1:26:17Sorry! SHE SOBS
1:26:17 > 1:26:21Lynne? Come on. Hey, hey.
1:26:23 > 1:26:29- If... If I find out that you're behind this, I'll kill you, Zmuda! - What the hell are you talking about?
1:26:29 > 1:26:35- George,- I- just said I didn't believe him, OK?- That's the kind of stuff you two work out to fuck me up!
1:26:35 > 1:26:40- 'We want the truth, boy, the truth!- My father said Lassie bit me, so I said she did too.'
1:26:40 > 1:26:44- 'Lassie never bit you and you know it!- Case dismissed!'
1:26:47 > 1:26:49SWELLING MUSIC
1:27:01 > 1:27:03END CHORDS
1:27:05 > 1:27:06Dad?
1:27:06 > 1:27:11The cancer started here in Andy's lungs and spread to his left arm.
1:27:11 > 1:27:18We've initiated an aggressive radiation programme, see if we can eradicate the affected cells.
1:27:18 > 1:27:22- PA:- Dr Sullivan, line one... - Excuse me, I'll be right back.
1:27:26 > 1:27:28What a crock.
1:27:30 > 1:27:32How dare you make light of this?
1:27:32 > 1:27:36Dad, I cried when he broke his neck. He's not getting me again.
1:27:36 > 1:27:42- Christ, Carol, he's got lung cancer. - He WANTS us scratching our heads, asking ourselves, "Is this real?"
1:27:42 > 1:27:47- Of course it's real. We're in a hospital.- Mom...
1:27:47 > 1:27:50Cedars Sinai. It's a showbiz hospital!
1:27:50 > 1:27:53Andy's studio friends probably run this place.
1:27:53 > 1:28:00He plans these things and takes over and hires actors. I didn't think that doctor guy was convincing. I mean...
1:28:00 > 1:28:04- Notice his costume? Wrong shoes. - Not even doctor-shoes.
1:28:04 > 1:28:07No, no, no, no, no! That's bullshit!
1:28:07 > 1:28:14- No more Kaufman stories. He's burned us too often.- A very reliable source says Andy Kaufman has lung cancer.
1:28:14 > 1:28:16Please(!) He's definitely not dying.
1:28:16 > 1:28:22Now, those big white cells are attacking the cancer cells.
1:28:22 > 1:28:24Attacking...
1:28:24 > 1:28:26attacking.
1:28:26 > 1:28:28I see them. I see the white cells.
1:28:28 > 1:28:31- Attacking...- Attacking.
1:28:31 > 1:28:34- Attacking.- Attacking.
1:28:47 > 1:28:50He's an actor. I...
1:28:50 > 1:28:53I recognise him from The Inlaws.
1:28:53 > 1:28:58Yeah. That's true. But...he's also ordained in holistic medicine.
1:28:59 > 1:29:01Oh.
1:29:04 > 1:29:09George, what am I supposed to do? I'm sick. And trying to get better, but everyone's looking at me.
1:29:09 > 1:29:13I feel like I'm being surrounded by negative energy.
1:29:19 > 1:29:22You're surrounded by what you create.
1:29:22 > 1:29:23Great(!)
1:29:23 > 1:29:27- Andy, you're the king of negative energy.- It's gotta stop.
1:29:27 > 1:29:32- HE COUGHS Andy.- Cos if these negative vibes get out, everybody's gonna be talking
1:29:32 > 1:29:38- about how SICK I am, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. - How can I help you?
1:29:42 > 1:29:46- I wanna go back to work. - You want to tour the clubs?
1:29:46 > 1:29:49No, no clubs...! Reach the top!
1:29:52 > 1:29:55Carnegie Hall!
1:29:55 > 1:30:01I want the show to build and build, be everything that's joyful in the world, one on top of the other
1:30:01 > 1:30:08till the audience can't stand it and turn into children in front of me. Might even have Santa Claus!
1:30:08 > 1:30:10Yeah. You say, "Hi, Santa!
1:30:10 > 1:30:13- "What am I getting for Christmas?" - "Cancer."
1:30:13 > 1:30:17- ..No, that...- No, that's... I don't wanna do that. It's a bummer.
1:30:17 > 1:30:19Uh, OK...positive, positive.
1:30:19 > 1:30:22- OK...- Look, this is really...great.
1:30:22 > 1:30:26- Santa, snow.- Yeah. - But it's gonna cost a fortune.
1:30:26 > 1:30:29That's OK. Not a problem.
1:30:29 > 1:30:33- Well, who's gonna pay for it, Andy? - Tony Clifton.
1:30:34 > 1:30:39(Oh.) Andy, you know Tony doesn't have that kind of money.
1:30:39 > 1:30:43Don't you worry about that, George! I know Tony better than you do.
1:30:43 > 1:30:47Even if he has to work another ten years to pay it off, he'll do it.
1:31:04 > 1:31:07- MELODY: "Alouette" - # Abu-dabi, abu-dab-oo-ah
1:31:07 > 1:31:11# Abu-dabi, abi-dab-oo-ah
1:31:11 > 1:31:13# Abi-dabi dabu-ay
1:31:13 > 1:31:15# Abi-dabi dabu-ay
1:31:15 > 1:31:18- # Abu-day- abu-day
1:31:18 > 1:31:22- # Gitchey-wah- gitchey-wah - Yakamo-day- yakamo-day
1:31:22 > 1:31:24- # Ikimby-dich- ikimby-dich
1:31:24 > 1:31:27# Yakadishikytalego-galaby-diniggy # BO-O-O...
1:31:27 > 1:31:33- # ..O-O-O...- ..BO-O-O-O-O
1:31:33 > 1:31:36# O-Oh, Abu-dabi, abi-dab-oo-ah! #
1:31:45 > 1:31:47SHOW-WESTERN INTRO
1:31:47 > 1:31:51# I've got spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle
1:31:51 > 1:31:56# As I go riding merrily along... #
1:31:57 > 1:31:59MUSIC CONTINUES
1:32:01 > 1:32:06Ladies and gentlemen, we are so very fortunate tonight, cos we have with us
1:32:06 > 1:32:14the last surviving cowgirl from that 1931 film. She's 94 years young - Eleanor Cody Gould!
1:32:14 > 1:32:16APPLAUSE
1:32:17 > 1:32:20MUSIC CONTINUES
1:32:21 > 1:32:27- Hi, Eleanor, it's great to have you here. It's a real honour.- Thank you, Andy. I'm delighted to be here.
1:32:27 > 1:32:30It's really overwhelming to me.
1:32:30 > 1:32:35Well, it's gonna get better, cos we found one of the old, original hobbyhorses from your movie.
1:32:35 > 1:32:41- Do you think you could...grace us with a couple of steps from "Jingle Jangle Jingle?"- Oh, I don't think...
1:32:41 > 1:32:43OK! HIT IT!
1:32:43 > 1:32:46MUSIC IN FASTER TEMPO
1:32:52 > 1:32:54AUDIENCE CLAP TIME
1:32:56 > 1:32:58That's it, come on!
1:33:03 > 1:33:07- Faster, faster! - MUSIC SPEEDS UP
1:33:07 > 1:33:09Faster, come on!
1:33:22 > 1:33:24faster, faster, faster!
1:33:26 > 1:33:29MUSIC SPEEDS UP
1:33:36 > 1:33:38Andy, stop!
1:33:40 > 1:33:42Is there a doctor in the house?
1:33:42 > 1:33:45Stop the music! Stop!
1:33:45 > 1:33:48Uh...we, we need a doctor. Anyone?
1:33:56 > 1:33:58- QUIETLY - ..Calling an ambulance...?
1:33:58 > 1:34:00AUDIENCE MURMUR
1:34:13 > 1:34:16HAI-yai-yai-yai...
1:34:16 > 1:34:19HAI-yai-yai-yai-ya-ya-yai
1:34:19 > 1:34:22HAI-yai-yai-yai
1:34:22 > 1:34:25HAI-yai-yai-yai-ya-ya-yai yai-yai-yai-ya-ya-yai
1:34:25 > 1:34:27HAI-yai-yai-yai-ya-ya-yai
1:34:27 > 1:34:29HAI-yai-yai-yai...
1:34:31 > 1:34:34APPLAUSE
1:34:35 > 1:34:37SHE'S ALIVE!
1:34:37 > 1:34:40Hallelujah!
1:34:40 > 1:34:43CHOIR: # HALLELUJAH!
1:34:43 > 1:34:47# HALLELUJAH Hallelujah, hallelujah!
1:34:47 > 1:34:49# Hallelujah... #
1:34:49 > 1:34:53Ladies and gentlemen, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!
1:34:53 > 1:34:56CHOIR # Here comes Santa Claus
1:34:56 > 1:34:58# Here comes Santa Claus... #
1:34:58 > 1:35:01Oh, my gosh!
1:35:01 > 1:35:05I can't believe it! It's the Rockettes!
1:35:05 > 1:35:09# ..Riding down Santa Claus Lane
1:35:09 > 1:35:14# Bells are ringing, children singing All is merry and bright.
1:35:16 > 1:35:23# Hang your stockings, say a prayer Cos Santa Claus comes tonight... #
1:35:23 > 1:35:28Boys and girls, you won't believe this! HERE COMES SANTA CLAUSE!
1:35:30 > 1:35:34LOUD ROAR
1:35:36 > 1:35:40# ..Hear those sleigh bells jingle-jangle
1:35:40 > 1:35:43# What a beautiful sight... #
1:35:43 > 1:35:49Since you've all been such GOOD boys and girls,
1:35:49 > 1:35:54I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out for milk and cookies!
1:35:55 > 1:35:59There are buses outside. Everybody, follow me!
1:36:00 > 1:36:05Don't worry, folks, there's enough milk and cookies for everyone!
1:36:42 > 1:36:45And now we'll place the blue crystal.
1:36:45 > 1:36:48Very high in vibrations.
1:36:48 > 1:36:53And it's wonderful, wonderful for its healing powers.
1:36:54 > 1:36:56OK.
1:36:56 > 1:36:59Let's try two of those. And...another pink one.
1:37:01 > 1:37:02(All right.)
1:37:12 > 1:37:16Huh! Looks like somethin' my DOG puked up!
1:37:19 > 1:37:23How about me and you dolls go out and get some real food?
1:37:23 > 1:37:27Frrrrench fries and a Porterhouse steak!
1:37:27 > 1:37:31Or we can skip the meal and go right to the montage a trois.
1:37:36 > 1:37:39Have you ever been with another woman?
1:37:39 > 1:37:42Well, like in the kitchen and stuff, yeah.
1:37:42 > 1:37:45OK. This'll help...
1:37:45 > 1:37:47Ow!
1:37:47 > 1:37:50- There, put that on your face.- OK.
1:37:50 > 1:37:52There you go!
1:37:52 > 1:37:55- Hi...! - I can't even tell the difference!
1:37:57 > 1:37:59HE COUGHS
1:37:59 > 1:38:05Well, we could put all this together in a soup and PRETEND it's a Porterhouse steak, Andy.
1:38:05 > 1:38:08I am not Andy. Andy is SICK...
1:38:08 > 1:38:10chick, pick, lick, lick!
1:38:11 > 1:38:12DICK!
1:38:14 > 1:38:17- Whereas- I- am getting stronger! STRONGER!
1:38:29 > 1:38:31- Hi, Andy.- Hey.
1:38:34 > 1:38:37What a wrestler!
1:38:38 > 1:38:40Hmm! Hmm...
1:38:47 > 1:38:49Bob and I...
1:38:49 > 1:38:51came up...
1:38:56 > 1:38:57with a...
1:38:57 > 1:39:00an idea for a TV show.
1:39:03 > 1:39:08It'll be a Saturday morning kind of thing. I can goof off of the kids.
1:39:09 > 1:39:12Yeah.
1:39:12 > 1:39:15Well, we can sell THAT, Andy.
1:39:15 > 1:39:19Did your doctor say it's OK to go back to work?
1:39:20 > 1:39:22No. But he will.
1:39:22 > 1:39:24Yeah.
1:39:25 > 1:39:29Cos I'm gonna go to the Philippines.
1:39:31 > 1:39:34The Philippines? What's in the Philippines?
1:39:37 > 1:39:40A miracle.
1:42:07 > 1:42:09GIGGLES
1:42:27 > 1:42:31I just want to say, until we meet again,
1:42:31 > 1:42:33please remember...
1:42:33 > 1:42:35PIANO CHORD
1:42:35 > 1:42:40# In this friendly, friendly world
1:42:40 > 1:42:44# With each day so full of joy
1:42:45 > 1:42:52# Why should any heart be lonely?
1:42:53 > 1:42:59# In this friendly, friendly world
1:42:59 > 1:43:04# With each night so full of dreams
1:43:04 > 1:43:11# Why should any heart be afraid...? #
1:43:11 > 1:43:13PIANO VAMPS
1:43:13 > 1:43:19Yup, it's a FRIENDLY world. You know, we should all treat each other like brothers and sisters.
1:43:19 > 1:43:26So everybody put your arm around the person next to you. Sway back and forth in rhythm to the music.
1:43:26 > 1:43:28Come on! Everybody!
1:43:28 > 1:43:32Even if you don't LIKE the person sitting next to you.
1:43:32 > 1:43:33OK?
1:43:33 > 1:43:37When I say, "OK?"
1:43:37 > 1:43:39you say, "OK!"
1:43:39 > 1:43:40- OK?- OK!
1:43:40 > 1:43:43OK...cue the music.
1:43:43 > 1:43:44OK!
1:43:44 > 1:43:46OK!
1:43:47 > 1:43:52Everybody sing, "The world is such a wonderful place!"
1:43:52 > 1:43:57# ..The world is such a wonderful place
1:43:57 > 1:44:00# To wander through... #
1:44:00 > 1:44:03Follow the bouncing ball. # ..When you...
1:44:03 > 1:44:10# When you've got someone you love To wander along with you... #
1:44:10 > 1:44:15- With the sky full of stars! - # With the sky so full of stars... #
1:44:15 > 1:44:20- River full of song! - # ..And the river so full of song
1:44:20 > 1:44:28# Every heart should be So thankful... #
1:44:28 > 1:44:31Thankful for this friendly, FRIENDLY world.
1:44:31 > 1:44:39# ..Thankful for this friendly, friendly world. #
1:44:41 > 1:44:44Thank you
1:44:44 > 1:44:46for this friendly, friendly world.
1:44:47 > 1:44:49Thank you
1:44:49 > 1:44:51and goodbye.
1:45:08 > 1:45:11SHOW-TUNE FANFARE
1:45:20 > 1:45:22AUDIENCE: Andy!
1:45:22 > 1:45:26- "TONY CLIFTON" VOICE:- Andy? You guys wanna see Andy tonight?
1:45:26 > 1:45:27YEAH!
1:45:27 > 1:45:32Anybody got a flashlight and a couple of shovels? ..OK, guys!
1:45:33 > 1:45:36VERY SOFT INTRO
1:45:37 > 1:45:41# At first I was afraid I was PUTREFIED
1:45:41 > 1:45:47# Kept thinking I could never live Without you by my side
1:45:48 > 1:45:51# But then I spent so many nights
1:45:51 > 1:45:54# Thinkin' how you did me wrong
1:45:55 > 1:45:57# And I growed STRONG
1:45:57 > 1:46:00# And I learned to get along And now I'm back
1:46:00 > 1:46:03# From outer space
1:46:03 > 1:46:07# I just walked in to find you here With that sad look upon your face
1:46:07 > 1:46:10# I shoulda changed the stupid lock I should've asked you for the key
1:46:10 > 1:46:14# If I'd known for just one second You'd be back to bother me
1:46:14 > 1:46:18# Go on, now, go! Walk out the door
1:46:18 > 1:46:22# Don't turn around now You're not welcome any more
1:46:22 > 1:46:26# Weren't you the one Who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
1:46:26 > 1:46:30# You think I'd crumble? You think I'd lay down and die?
1:46:30 > 1:46:34# Oh, no, not I! I will survive
1:46:34 > 1:46:38# As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
1:46:38 > 1:46:42# I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give
1:46:42 > 1:46:45# And I'll survive I will survi-i-ive
1:46:45 > 1:46:48# I will survi-i-ive
1:46:48 > 1:46:51# I...will...
1:46:51 > 1:46:57# Sur-vi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i...
1:46:57 > 1:46:59# ..i-i-i-i-i-i-ive! #
1:46:59 > 1:47:03I will survive! I will survive! I will survive! I will survive!
1:47:03 > 1:47:06I! WILL! SUR-VIVE!
1:47:06 > 1:47:07CROWD ROAR
1:47:07 > 1:47:10DRUMBEATS
1:47:10 > 1:47:15SEGUE TO INTRO: "Man On The Moon" By R.E.M
1:47:20 > 1:47:24# Mott The Hoople and the game of life.
1:47:24 > 1:47:26# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:47:26 > 1:47:31# Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match
1:47:31 > 1:47:34# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:47:35 > 1:47:39# Monopoly, Twenty-one checkers and chess
1:47:39 > 1:47:42# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
1:47:42 > 1:47:48# Mister Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess
1:47:48 > 1:47:51# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
1:47:51 > 1:47:54# Hey, Andy did you hear about this one?
1:47:54 > 1:47:58# Tell me are you locked in the punch?
1:47:58 > 1:48:02# Andy, are you goofing on Elvis?
1:48:02 > 1:48:03# Hey, baby
1:48:03 > 1:48:06# Are we losing touch?
1:48:07 > 1:48:11# If you believe they put a man on the moon
1:48:11 > 1:48:14# Man on the moon
1:48:14 > 1:48:19# If you believe there's nothing up his sleeve
1:48:19 > 1:48:22# Nothing is cool...
1:48:38 > 1:48:41# If you believe they put a man on the moon
1:48:41 > 1:48:43# Man on the moon
1:48:43 > 1:48:48# If you believe there's nothing up their sleeve
1:48:48 > 1:48:51# Nothin' is cool
1:48:51 > 1:48:55# If you believe they put a man on the moon
1:48:55 > 1:48:59- # Man on the moon - Yeah... Yeah...
1:48:59 > 1:49:04# If you believe there's nothing up their sleeve
1:49:04 > 1:49:06# Nothin' is cool. #
1:49:09 > 1:49:12Subtitles by BBC Broadcast: 2004
1:49:12 > 1:49:15E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk