The History Boys

0:00:47 > 0:00:51BRASS BAND PLAYS "Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye"

0:00:58 > 0:01:07This film contains very strong language.

0:01:19 > 0:01:22PLAYING THROUGH HEADPHONES: # Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

0:01:22 > 0:01:26# Cheerio, here I go on my way

0:01:26 > 0:01:30# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

0:01:30 > 0:01:34# Not a tear, but a cheer Make it gay

0:01:34 > 0:01:38# Give me a smile I can keep all the while

0:01:38 > 0:01:42# In my heart while I'm away

0:01:42 > 0:01:46# Till we meet once again, you and I

0:01:46 > 0:01:51# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye. #

0:01:51 > 0:01:54REVEREND: ..The peace of God, which passeth all understanding,

0:01:54 > 0:01:55keep your hearts and minds

0:01:55 > 0:01:57in the knowledge and love of God,

0:01:57 > 0:02:00and of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord,

0:02:00 > 0:02:02and the blessing of God almighty,

0:02:02 > 0:02:05the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit,

0:02:05 > 0:02:09be upon you and remain with you this day and always.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Amen.

0:02:13 > 0:02:14Will that do the trick, do you think?

0:02:14 > 0:02:16Got to find out.

0:02:17 > 0:02:19MUSIC: "Blue Monday" by New Order

0:02:23 > 0:02:24Jimmy!

0:02:28 > 0:02:30Ready?

0:02:30 > 0:02:32Ready.

0:02:32 > 0:02:34Mum, please. Lads, one...

0:02:34 > 0:02:35Just get in the car.

0:02:35 > 0:02:37I'll be back in five minutes.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42HE SIGHS Let's get it over with.

0:02:42 > 0:02:45Ah, just give me a minute.

0:02:45 > 0:02:46BOYS ALL TALK AT ONCE

0:02:46 > 0:02:48Fiona, let's see.

0:02:50 > 0:02:53Three A's! I got three A's! Three A's!

0:02:56 > 0:02:59Three A's! Three A's!

0:03:02 > 0:03:04Told you we would, mate! Full house! full house!

0:03:04 > 0:03:05Hey, what did you get?

0:03:05 > 0:03:06A and two Bs.

0:03:06 > 0:03:09ALL CHEER

0:03:09 > 0:03:11Hey, Dakin!

0:03:11 > 0:03:14Stu, what happened?

0:03:17 > 0:03:18Are you not going to look?

0:03:18 > 0:03:20I got mine last night.

0:03:22 > 0:03:23I bet you did!

0:03:23 > 0:03:25You jammy sod!

0:03:25 > 0:03:26MAN: Lockwood! Felix.

0:03:26 > 0:03:27Lockwood.

0:03:27 > 0:03:28Sir?

0:03:28 > 0:03:30Why are you dressed as a milkman?

0:03:30 > 0:03:33Working, sir, for the holidays.

0:03:33 > 0:03:36As a milkman?

0:03:36 > 0:03:38After the holidays, you'll be coming back

0:03:38 > 0:03:40to try for Oxford and Cambridge.

0:03:40 > 0:03:42Your A-level results are the best we've ever had,

0:03:42 > 0:03:45and they demand that you return for an extra term

0:03:45 > 0:03:47to work for the examination

0:03:47 > 0:03:48to our ancient universities.

0:03:48 > 0:03:49One more term, boys.

0:03:49 > 0:03:51One more push.

0:03:51 > 0:03:54In the meantime, try and do something, er...fitting.

0:03:54 > 0:03:56I'm in a bookshop, sir. Good. Good.

0:03:56 > 0:03:58I'm on the bins, sir. I'm a bouncer, sir.

0:03:58 > 0:04:00Lavatory attendant, sir.

0:04:00 > 0:04:02Gigolo.

0:04:02 > 0:04:03WOMAN: Congratulations, boys!

0:04:03 > 0:04:05Mrs Lintott!

0:04:07 > 0:04:09Three A's! Three A's!

0:04:09 > 0:04:12Mr Hector!

0:04:13 > 0:04:16So we shall be meeting again, after all.

0:04:16 > 0:04:17Yes, sir. Yep.

0:04:17 > 0:04:19At school, you don't get parole.

0:04:19 > 0:04:22Good behaviour just brings a longer sentence.

0:04:22 > 0:04:24Ah, you poor boys.

0:04:24 > 0:04:26See you next term, sir!

0:04:26 > 0:04:27Bye! Thank you, sir.

0:04:27 > 0:04:29Thank you, Vince.

0:04:29 > 0:04:33HECTOR: "To happiest youth, viewing his progress through,

0:04:33 > 0:04:36"what perils past, what crosses to ensue,

0:04:36 > 0:04:40"would shut the book, and sit him down and die."

0:04:41 > 0:04:43Congratulations, Dorothy.

0:04:43 > 0:04:44You must be very pleased.

0:05:36 > 0:05:38Good morning!

0:05:41 > 0:05:43LINTOTT: You are entitled,

0:05:43 > 0:05:46though only for five minutes, Dakin,

0:05:46 > 0:05:48to feel pleased with yourselves.

0:05:48 > 0:05:49No-one has done as well.

0:05:49 > 0:05:51Not in English, not in science,

0:05:51 > 0:05:55not even, dare I say it, in media studies.

0:05:55 > 0:05:58And you alone are up for Oxford and Cambridge.

0:05:58 > 0:06:00So, to work.

0:06:00 > 0:06:03First essay this term will be "the Church on the Eve of the Reformation."

0:06:03 > 0:06:05Not again, miss.

0:06:05 > 0:06:06This is Oxford and Cambridge.

0:06:06 > 0:06:08You don't just need to know it.

0:06:08 > 0:06:09You need to know it backwards, Timms.

0:06:09 > 0:06:10Facts, facts, facts.

0:06:10 > 0:06:13HEADMASTER: They're clever,

0:06:13 > 0:06:15but they're crass.

0:06:15 > 0:06:20And, were it Bristol or...or York,

0:06:20 > 0:06:23I'd have no worries - but Oxford and Cambridge...

0:06:23 > 0:06:25We need a strategy, Dorothy.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28A game plan.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30They know their stuff.

0:06:30 > 0:06:32But they lack flair.

0:06:32 > 0:06:35Culture they can get from Hector,

0:06:35 > 0:06:38history from you, but...

0:06:38 > 0:06:40I'm thinking aloud now.

0:06:40 > 0:06:43Is there something else?

0:06:43 > 0:06:45Think charm.

0:06:45 > 0:06:47Think polish.

0:06:47 > 0:06:50Think... Renaissance man.

0:06:50 > 0:06:52Leave it with me, Dorothy.

0:06:52 > 0:06:53Leave it with me.

0:06:53 > 0:06:55Yes, Headmaster.

0:06:58 > 0:07:02Wilkes. Ah, yes.

0:07:02 > 0:07:04An innovation to the timetable.

0:07:04 > 0:07:05PE.

0:07:05 > 0:07:06Yes, Headmaster.

0:07:06 > 0:07:08For the Oxbridge set? Surely not, you say,

0:07:08 > 0:07:09but why not?

0:07:09 > 0:07:12This is the biggest hurdle of their lives,

0:07:12 > 0:07:15and I want them... galvanised.

0:07:15 > 0:07:17Galvanised. Yes, Headmaster.

0:07:20 > 0:07:24In the timetable, our esteemed headmaster

0:07:24 > 0:07:27has given these periods the dubious title

0:07:27 > 0:07:30of General Studies.

0:07:30 > 0:07:33I will let you in to a little secret, boys.

0:07:33 > 0:07:38There is no such thing as general studies.

0:07:38 > 0:07:41General studies is a waste of time.

0:07:41 > 0:07:45Knowledge is not general,

0:07:45 > 0:07:47it is specific,

0:07:47 > 0:07:49and nothing to do with getting on.

0:07:49 > 0:07:54But remember, open quotation marks,

0:07:54 > 0:07:56"All knowledge is precious

0:07:56 > 0:07:58"whether or not it serves the slightest human use,"

0:07:58 > 0:08:00close quotation marks.

0:08:00 > 0:08:02Who said, Akhtar?

0:08:02 > 0:08:05Timms? Lockwood? Dakin?

0:08:07 > 0:08:10"Loveliest of trees, the cherry now."

0:08:10 > 0:08:11AE Houseman, sir.

0:08:11 > 0:08:13"AE Houseman, sir."

0:08:13 > 0:08:14Wasn't he a nancy, sir?

0:08:14 > 0:08:17Foul, festering, grubby-minded little trollop.

0:08:17 > 0:08:18Do not use that word!

0:08:18 > 0:08:19But you use it, sir.

0:08:19 > 0:08:21I do, sir, I know, but I am far gone

0:08:21 > 0:08:22in age and decrepitude.

0:08:22 > 0:08:24You're not supposed to hit us, sir.

0:08:24 > 0:08:25We could report you.

0:08:25 > 0:08:27I know, I know.

0:08:27 > 0:08:29Yeah. You should treat us with more respect.

0:08:29 > 0:08:31We're scholarship candidates now, sir.

0:08:31 > 0:08:33We're all going in for Oxford and Cambridge.

0:08:33 > 0:08:35Oxford and Cambridge?

0:08:35 > 0:08:36What for?

0:08:36 > 0:08:38Old, sir. Tried and tested.

0:08:38 > 0:08:41No. It's because other boys want to go there.

0:08:41 > 0:08:43It's the hot ticket. Standing room only.

0:08:43 > 0:08:44Where did you go, sir?

0:08:44 > 0:08:46I went to Sheffield.

0:08:46 > 0:08:48BOYS SNIGGER I was happy.

0:08:48 > 0:08:51"Happy is england, sweet her artless daughters,

0:08:51 > 0:08:55"enough her simple loveliness for me."

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Keats.

0:08:57 > 0:08:59We won't be examined on that, will we, sir?

0:08:59 > 0:09:02Keats. Happiness.

0:09:02 > 0:09:03FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

0:09:06 > 0:09:08You are...?

0:09:08 > 0:09:10Irwin. Irwin?

0:09:10 > 0:09:12The temporary contract teacher.

0:09:12 > 0:09:15Quite so.

0:09:15 > 0:09:17The examinations are at the end of term,

0:09:17 > 0:09:18which gives us, er...

0:09:18 > 0:09:20three months, at the outside.

0:09:20 > 0:09:22Well, you were at Cambridge, you know the form.

0:09:22 > 0:09:23Oxford, Jesus.

0:09:23 > 0:09:27I...I thought of going.

0:09:27 > 0:09:29But this was the...the '50s.

0:09:29 > 0:09:32Change was in the air.

0:09:32 > 0:09:35A spirit of adventure.

0:09:35 > 0:09:37So where did you go?

0:09:37 > 0:09:40I was a geographer.

0:09:40 > 0:09:41I went to Hull.

0:09:44 > 0:09:46They're a likely lot, the boys.

0:09:46 > 0:09:47Um, they're all keen.

0:09:48 > 0:09:50One oddity - Rudge.

0:09:50 > 0:09:52Determined to try for Oxford.

0:09:52 > 0:09:55And Christ Church, of all places.

0:09:55 > 0:09:57No hope.

0:09:57 > 0:09:58Might get into Loughborough, in a bad year.

0:09:58 > 0:10:01Otherwise, all bright,

0:10:01 > 0:10:05but they need polish, edge.

0:10:05 > 0:10:06Your job.

0:10:06 > 0:10:09We are low in the league.

0:10:09 > 0:10:12I want to see us up there with Manchester Grammar School,

0:10:12 > 0:10:17Haberdashers' Aske's, Leighton Park.

0:10:17 > 0:10:21Or is that an open prison?

0:10:21 > 0:10:22No matter.

0:10:26 > 0:10:30There is a vacancy in history.

0:10:31 > 0:10:33That's very true.

0:10:34 > 0:10:37In the school.

0:10:38 > 0:10:39Ah.

0:10:39 > 0:10:41BOTH CHUCKLE

0:10:41 > 0:10:44Get me scholarships, Irwin.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46Pull us up the table and it's yours.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49I-I-I'm corseted by the curriculum,

0:10:49 > 0:10:51but I can find you, er...

0:10:51 > 0:10:54three lessons a week. Not enough.

0:10:54 > 0:10:55No, I, yes, I agree, I agree.

0:10:55 > 0:10:58However, I think I know

0:10:58 > 0:11:00where we can filch an hour.

0:11:03 > 0:11:04# Elle ecoute la java

0:11:04 > 0:11:06# Mais elle ne la danse pas

0:11:06 > 0:11:09# Elle ne regarde meme pas la piste

0:11:09 > 0:11:11# Et ses yeux amoureux suivent le jeu nerveux

0:11:11 > 0:11:14# Et les doigts secs et longs de l'artiste

0:11:14 > 0:11:16# Ca lui rentre dans la peau par le bas, par le haut

0:11:16 > 0:11:19# Elle a envie de chanter C'est physique

0:11:19 > 0:11:21# Tout son etre est tendu Son souffle est suspendu

0:11:21 > 0:11:24# C'est une vraie tordue de la musique. #

0:11:24 > 0:11:27APPLAUSE

0:11:30 > 0:11:34Ou voudriez-vous travailler cet apres-midi?

0:11:34 > 0:11:37Je voudrais travailler dans une maison de passe.

0:11:37 > 0:11:39Ooh, la, la!

0:11:39 > 0:11:40Qu'est-ce que c'est?

0:11:40 > 0:11:42A brothel.

0:11:42 > 0:11:43He'd like to work in a brothel.

0:11:43 > 0:11:46Ah, oui. Tres bien.

0:11:46 > 0:11:48Mais une maison de passe

0:11:48 > 0:11:50ou tous les clients

0:11:50 > 0:11:53utilisent le subjonctif, ou le conditionnel.

0:11:53 > 0:11:55THEY GROAN

0:11:55 > 0:11:57D'accord, monsieur. Voila.

0:11:57 > 0:11:58HE KNOCKS Voila.

0:11:58 > 0:12:01Deja un client.

0:12:03 > 0:12:04IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Bonjour, monsieur.

0:12:04 > 0:12:05IN GRUFF VOICE: Bonjour, cherie.

0:12:05 > 0:12:06THEY LAUGH

0:12:06 > 0:12:09Entrez, s'il vous plait.

0:12:09 > 0:12:11Voila votre lit...

0:12:14 > 0:12:17..et voici votre...prostituee.

0:12:17 > 0:12:19Ooh, la, la.

0:12:19 > 0:12:20Je veux m'etendre sur le lit.

0:12:20 > 0:12:22Je voudrais...

0:12:22 > 0:12:23I would like to stretch out

0:12:23 > 0:12:27on the bed in the conditional or the subjunctive.

0:12:27 > 0:12:29Continuez, mes enfants.

0:12:29 > 0:12:32Mais les chaussures, monsieur, pas sur le lit!

0:12:32 > 0:12:34Excusez-moi, mademoiselle. Excusez-moi.

0:12:37 > 0:12:40Et votre pantalon, s'il vous plait.

0:12:40 > 0:12:41Oh, come on!

0:12:46 > 0:12:50Oh, quelles belles jambes!

0:12:50 > 0:12:52Et maintenant, Claudine!

0:12:52 > 0:12:53Oui.

0:12:53 > 0:12:56La prostituee, s'il vous plait.

0:12:56 > 0:12:57HE GIGGLES

0:12:57 > 0:13:00THEY WOLF-WHISTLE

0:13:00 > 0:13:01A quel prix?

0:13:01 > 0:13:03Dix francs.

0:13:03 > 0:13:04Dix francs.

0:13:04 > 0:13:06Pour dix francs je peux vous montrer

0:13:06 > 0:13:07ma prodigieuse poitrine.

0:13:07 > 0:13:09GASPS

0:13:09 > 0:13:11Non, non, non, non.

0:13:11 > 0:13:12Ca vous couterait quinze francs.

0:13:12 > 0:13:14Pour quinze francs...

0:13:14 > 0:13:15KNOCKING Pour...

0:13:15 > 0:13:17Un autre client.

0:13:20 > 0:13:22Ah! Cher monsieur le directeur!

0:13:22 > 0:13:23Mr Hector, what on earth is happening?

0:13:23 > 0:13:24Uh-uh-uh...

0:13:24 > 0:13:26L'anglais, c'est interdit.

0:13:26 > 0:13:29Ici on ne parle que francais...

0:13:29 > 0:13:34en accordant une importance particuliere au subjonctif.

0:13:34 > 0:13:37Oh...um...

0:13:37 > 0:13:40Qu'est-ce que s'est passe ici?

0:13:40 > 0:13:42Pourquoi cet garcon...

0:13:42 > 0:13:44Um... Dakin, isn't it? Sir.

0:13:44 > 0:13:47..est sans ses...trousers.

0:13:47 > 0:13:49HECTOR: Oh!

0:13:49 > 0:13:52Quelqu'un?

0:13:52 > 0:13:55Oh, ne sois pas timide.

0:13:55 > 0:13:58Dites a cher monsieur le directeur

0:13:58 > 0:14:01ce que nous faisons.

0:14:02 > 0:14:04Je suis un homme qui...

0:14:04 > 0:14:06Vous n'etes pas un homme.

0:14:06 > 0:14:07Vous etes un soldat.

0:14:07 > 0:14:10Un soldat blesse.

0:14:10 > 0:14:11Vous comprenez, cher monsieur le directeur,

0:14:11 > 0:14:12"soldat blesse"?

0:14:12 > 0:14:14Wounded soldier, yes, yes, of course.

0:14:14 > 0:14:18Ici, c'est un hopital en Belgique.

0:14:18 > 0:14:20Belgique?

0:14:20 > 0:14:22Pourquoi Belgique?

0:14:23 > 0:14:24A Ypres, sir.

0:14:24 > 0:14:26Ypres? Ypres.

0:14:26 > 0:14:27Ypres.

0:14:27 > 0:14:29Pendant la guerre mondiale numero un.

0:14:29 > 0:14:31Ypres... C'est ca.

0:14:31 > 0:14:34Dakin est un soldat blesse.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37Un mutile de guerre.

0:14:37 > 0:14:41Et les autres sont des medecins, infirmiers

0:14:41 > 0:14:43et tout le personnel d'un grand etablissement medical

0:14:43 > 0:14:45et therapeutique.

0:14:45 > 0:14:48Continuez, mes enfants.

0:14:48 > 0:14:49THEY SCREAM

0:14:49 > 0:14:51Qu'il souffre!

0:14:51 > 0:14:52Ma mere! Ma mere!

0:14:52 > 0:14:54Il appelle sa mere.

0:14:54 > 0:14:56Mon pere, mon pere...

0:14:56 > 0:14:57Il appelle son pere.

0:14:57 > 0:15:01Il est distrait, il est distrait...

0:15:01 > 0:15:04Il est commotionne, peut-etre.

0:15:04 > 0:15:07Comment?

0:15:07 > 0:15:08Commotionne.

0:15:08 > 0:15:10Shell-shocked.

0:15:13 > 0:15:15C'est possible.

0:15:15 > 0:15:17Commotionne - oui, c'est le mot juste.

0:15:17 > 0:15:19Permettez-moi d'introduire

0:15:19 > 0:15:22Monsieur Irwin, notre nouveau professeur.

0:15:22 > 0:15:23Enchante. Bonjour.

0:15:23 > 0:15:26Enough of this silliness. No, no, not silliness.

0:15:26 > 0:15:29Mr Hector, you are aware these pupils are Oxbridge candidates.

0:15:29 > 0:15:31Are you sure? Nobody's told me.

0:15:31 > 0:15:33Mr Irwin will be coaching them,

0:15:33 > 0:15:34but it's a question of time.

0:15:34 > 0:15:36I've found him three lessons a week,

0:15:36 > 0:15:37but I was wondering... I'm not listening.

0:15:37 > 0:15:40..purely on a temporary basis. The last time, I promise.

0:15:40 > 0:15:41The last time was the last time also.

0:15:41 > 0:15:43I'm thinking of the boys.

0:15:43 > 0:15:43I, too. No.

0:15:43 > 0:15:46Absolument. No. No, no, no.

0:15:46 > 0:15:48C'est hors de question. Et puis, si vous voulez

0:15:48 > 0:15:50m'excuser, je dois continuer la lecon.

0:15:50 > 0:15:52A tout a l'heure.

0:15:52 > 0:15:53BELL RINGS

0:15:53 > 0:15:55Fuck.

0:15:58 > 0:15:59DOOR CLOSES

0:16:02 > 0:16:04It's true, though, sir.

0:16:04 > 0:16:05We don't have much time.

0:16:05 > 0:16:07We don't even have to do French.

0:16:07 > 0:16:09Now...

0:16:09 > 0:16:10Who goes home?

0:16:13 > 0:16:16Well, surely I can give somebody a lift.

0:16:16 > 0:16:17Who's on pillion duty?

0:16:17 > 0:16:18Dakin?

0:16:18 > 0:16:21Not me, sir. I'm going into town.

0:16:21 > 0:16:24Crowther? No, I'm off for a run, sir.

0:16:24 > 0:16:25Akhtar?

0:16:25 > 0:16:27Computer club, sir.

0:16:27 > 0:16:28I'll come, sir.

0:16:28 > 0:16:30Oh, no, never mind.

0:16:31 > 0:16:34I'll come, sir.

0:16:34 > 0:16:37Ah, Scripps.

0:16:38 > 0:16:40The things I do for Jesus.

0:16:40 > 0:16:42It's never me.

0:16:42 > 0:16:44You're too young still.

0:16:44 > 0:16:46DAKIN: It'll happen.

0:16:46 > 0:16:48Now that you've achieved puberty.

0:16:48 > 0:16:50If rather late in the day.

0:16:50 > 0:16:52Mr Hector is likely, at some point,

0:16:52 > 0:16:54to try to put his hand on your knee.

0:16:54 > 0:16:56This is because Mr Hector is a homosexual

0:16:56 > 0:16:57and a sad fuck.

0:16:57 > 0:17:00The drill is to look at the hand and go,

0:17:00 > 0:17:02"And what does Mr Hector want?"

0:17:02 > 0:17:06He has no answer for this, and so will desist.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25Thrutch up.

0:18:03 > 0:18:05I just think I should have been told.

0:18:05 > 0:18:06Well, he comes highly recommended.

0:18:06 > 0:18:08So did Anne of Cleves.

0:18:08 > 0:18:09Who?

0:18:09 > 0:18:12He's up to the minute, Dorothy, more "now".

0:18:12 > 0:18:15Now? I thought history was "then".

0:18:15 > 0:18:17Felix.

0:18:19 > 0:18:21Anne of Cleves - remind me.

0:18:21 > 0:18:23Fourth wife of Henry VIII, sir.

0:18:23 > 0:18:25Of course.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27She was the one they told him was Miss Dish,

0:18:27 > 0:18:29only when she turned up, she had a face

0:18:29 > 0:18:31like the wrong end of a camel's turd.

0:18:31 > 0:18:33Quite.

0:18:37 > 0:18:41What's the matter, with you, lad?

0:18:41 > 0:18:43Oh, I've got a note, sir.

0:18:43 > 0:18:44How much for?

0:18:44 > 0:18:46I don't do notes.

0:18:46 > 0:18:48Get changed. Sir...

0:18:48 > 0:18:50God doesn't do notes either.

0:18:50 > 0:18:52Did Jesus say, "Can I be excused the crucifixion"?

0:18:52 > 0:18:54No.

0:18:54 > 0:18:56Actually, sir, I think he did.

0:18:56 > 0:18:58Change.

0:18:58 > 0:19:00One day, it'll save your life.

0:19:00 > 0:19:02Nothing saves anyone's life, sir.

0:19:02 > 0:19:04It just postpones their death.

0:19:04 > 0:19:07Jesus Christ will save your life, lad,

0:19:07 > 0:19:09if you only let him into your heart.

0:19:09 > 0:19:11I'm Jewish, sir.

0:19:13 > 0:19:14I'm Muslim, sir.

0:19:20 > 0:19:22Very good.

0:19:25 > 0:19:27That was excellent.

0:19:30 > 0:19:32Go on, Charlie.

0:19:33 > 0:19:35Lad, lad, lad.

0:19:35 > 0:19:37You're letting yourself down,

0:19:37 > 0:19:39you're letting God down.

0:19:39 > 0:19:40What's God got to do with it?

0:19:40 > 0:19:42Listen, boy, this isn't your body.

0:19:42 > 0:19:43No?

0:19:43 > 0:19:46No, this body is on loan to you from God.

0:19:46 > 0:19:48Fuck me.

0:19:48 > 0:19:49I heard that.

0:19:49 > 0:19:50Give me 20.

0:19:50 > 0:19:5220 what?

0:19:52 > 0:19:53Hail Marys?

0:19:53 > 0:19:54Do it.

0:19:59 > 0:20:00You're late.

0:20:00 > 0:20:02Get your kit off.

0:20:02 > 0:20:04I'm on the staff.

0:20:04 > 0:20:05COACH: I've never seen you.

0:20:07 > 0:20:09What's this?

0:20:09 > 0:20:11Do you need a hand with that, sir?

0:20:11 > 0:20:14Is it joined-up writing?

0:20:14 > 0:20:16So, Mrs Lintott's given me a view

0:20:16 > 0:20:18of some of your latest essays.

0:20:18 > 0:20:19The experience was interesting,

0:20:19 > 0:20:22the essays not.

0:20:22 > 0:20:22Dull...

0:20:23 > 0:20:25Dull...

0:20:25 > 0:20:26Abysmally dull.

0:20:26 > 0:20:27A triumph...

0:20:27 > 0:20:29The dullest of the lot.

0:20:29 > 0:20:32Well, I got to all the points.

0:20:32 > 0:20:33I didn't say it was wrong, I said it was dull.

0:20:33 > 0:20:35Its sheer competence was staggering.

0:20:35 > 0:20:37You've got crap handwriting, sir.

0:20:37 > 0:20:39It's your eyesight that's bad, and we know why.

0:20:39 > 0:20:41Sir, is that a coded reference

0:20:41 > 0:20:43to the mythical dangers of self-abuse?

0:20:43 > 0:20:45Possibly, it might be a joke.

0:20:45 > 0:20:47DAKIN: A joke, sir?

0:20:47 > 0:20:48Are jokes going to be a feature, sir?

0:20:48 > 0:20:50We need to know as it affects our mind-set.

0:20:50 > 0:20:53AKHTAR: You don't object to our using the expression "mind-set", sir?

0:20:53 > 0:20:55Mr Hector doesn't care for it.

0:21:00 > 0:21:02At the, er... at the time of the Reformation,

0:21:02 > 0:21:05there were 14 foreskins of Christ preserved,

0:21:05 > 0:21:08but it was thought that the Church of St John Lateran in Rome

0:21:08 > 0:21:09had the authentic prepuce...

0:21:09 > 0:21:11Don't think we're shocked by your your mention

0:21:11 > 0:21:13of the mention of the word foreskin, sir.

0:21:13 > 0:21:14No, sir.

0:21:14 > 0:21:16Some of us even have them. Not Posner though, sir,

0:21:16 > 0:21:18cos he's... well...

0:21:18 > 0:21:21Jewish. It's one of several things he doesn't have.

0:21:21 > 0:21:23That's not racist, though, sir.

0:21:23 > 0:21:24Isn't it?

0:21:24 > 0:21:27It's race-related, but not racist.

0:21:27 > 0:21:30Has anybody been to Rome or Venice?

0:21:30 > 0:21:32Florence?

0:21:32 > 0:21:34No, cos the other candidates will have been,

0:21:34 > 0:21:36and they'll have done courses

0:21:36 > 0:21:38on what they've seen there, most likely,

0:21:38 > 0:21:39so they're going to know,

0:21:39 > 0:21:41when they come to do an essay like this, on the Church

0:21:41 > 0:21:42at the time of the Reformation...

0:21:42 > 0:21:44Ooh, look! ..some silly nonsense

0:21:44 > 0:21:46on the foreskins of Christ will come in handy,

0:21:46 > 0:21:48so that their essays, unlike yours,

0:21:49 > 0:21:50will not be dull.

0:21:50 > 0:21:52They're not even bad, they're just boring.

0:21:52 > 0:21:54You haven't got a hope.

0:21:54 > 0:21:56So why are we bothering?

0:21:56 > 0:21:57I don't know.

0:21:57 > 0:21:59You tell me. You want it.

0:21:59 > 0:22:01Your parents want it.

0:22:01 > 0:22:04The headmaster, he certainly wants it.

0:22:04 > 0:22:06Me, I wouldn't waste the money.

0:22:06 > 0:22:08I'd go to Newcastle and be happy.

0:22:10 > 0:22:14Of course, there is another way.

0:22:14 > 0:22:15Oh, wow.

0:22:15 > 0:22:18Cheat!

0:22:18 > 0:22:20Possibly.

0:22:20 > 0:22:22Dakin...

0:22:22 > 0:22:23Sir?

0:22:23 > 0:22:26Don't take the piss. There isn't time.

0:22:26 > 0:22:27What a wanker.

0:22:27 > 0:22:29They all have to do it, don't they?

0:22:29 > 0:22:30Do what?

0:22:30 > 0:22:32Show you they're still in the game.

0:22:32 > 0:22:33Foreskins and stuff.

0:22:33 > 0:22:34Oh, sir, you devil!

0:22:34 > 0:22:36Have a heart.

0:22:36 > 0:22:38He's only five minutes older than we are.

0:22:41 > 0:22:43What happened with Hector?

0:22:43 > 0:22:44On the bike?

0:22:45 > 0:22:47As per.

0:22:47 > 0:22:48Except I managed to get my bag down.

0:22:48 > 0:22:50I think he thought he'd got me going.

0:22:50 > 0:22:53In fact it was my Tudor Economic Documents, volume 2.

0:22:53 > 0:22:55THEY LAUGH

0:23:23 > 0:23:25IRWIN: So, let's summarise.

0:23:25 > 0:23:28The First World War - what points do we make?

0:23:28 > 0:23:29Trench warfare.

0:23:29 > 0:23:30Mountains of dead.

0:23:30 > 0:23:31On both sides.

0:23:31 > 0:23:33Generals stupid. On both sides.

0:23:33 > 0:23:35Armistice. Germany humiliated. Keep it coming.

0:23:35 > 0:23:37Mass unemployment. Inflation.

0:23:37 > 0:23:38Collapse of the Weimar Republic,

0:23:38 > 0:23:40internal disorder and the rise of Hitler.

0:23:40 > 0:23:42IRWIN: So, our overall conclusion is

0:23:42 > 0:23:44that the origins of the second war

0:23:44 > 0:23:46lie in the unsatisfactory outcome of the first.

0:23:46 > 0:23:48Yes.

0:23:48 > 0:23:50Yes. First class.

0:23:50 > 0:23:53Bristol welcomes you with open arms.

0:23:53 > 0:23:54Manchester longs to have you!

0:23:54 > 0:23:56You can walk into Leeds!

0:23:56 > 0:23:58But I'm a fellow of Magdalen College, Oxford,

0:23:58 > 0:23:59I've just read 70 papers,

0:23:59 > 0:24:01they're all saying the same thing, and I'm asleep.

0:24:01 > 0:24:04But it's all true. What's truth got to do with it?

0:24:06 > 0:24:08What's truth got to do with anything?

0:24:08 > 0:24:10LINTOTT: The new man seems clever.

0:24:10 > 0:24:12HECTOR: He does.

0:24:12 > 0:24:14Depressingly so.

0:24:14 > 0:24:16Didn't you try for Oxford?

0:24:16 > 0:24:18Cambridge.

0:24:18 > 0:24:19HE SCOFFS

0:24:19 > 0:24:21Cloisters.

0:24:21 > 0:24:22Ancient libraries.

0:24:22 > 0:24:26I was confusing learning with the smell of cold stone.

0:24:26 > 0:24:27If I had gone,

0:24:27 > 0:24:29I'd probably never have worked out the difference.

0:24:29 > 0:24:31Durham was very good for history.

0:24:31 > 0:24:33That's where I had

0:24:33 > 0:24:34my first pizza.

0:24:34 > 0:24:36Other things, too, of course,

0:24:36 > 0:24:39but it's the pizza that stands out.

0:24:41 > 0:24:44Uh, Dakin's a good-looking boy, though somehow sad.

0:24:44 > 0:24:47You always think they're sad, Hector.

0:24:47 > 0:24:49Every, every time.

0:24:49 > 0:24:51Well, actually, I wouldn't have said he was sad,

0:24:51 > 0:24:53I would have said he was cunt-struck.

0:24:53 > 0:24:55Dorothy...

0:24:55 > 0:24:57I'd have thought you'd have liked that.

0:24:57 > 0:24:58It's a compound adjective.

0:24:58 > 0:25:01You like compound adjectives. Yeah.

0:25:03 > 0:25:04Oh, going walkabout.

0:25:04 > 0:25:06Oh, yeah.

0:25:07 > 0:25:10The truth was, in 1914, Germany doesn't want war.

0:25:10 > 0:25:13Yeah, there's an arms race,

0:25:13 > 0:25:14but it's Britain who's leading it.

0:25:14 > 0:25:17So why does no-one admit this?

0:25:18 > 0:25:21That's why - they're dead.

0:25:21 > 0:25:23The body count.

0:25:23 > 0:25:26We still don't like to admit

0:25:26 > 0:25:27the war was even partly our fault,

0:25:27 > 0:25:29cos so many of our people died.

0:25:29 > 0:25:31And all the mournings veiled the truth.

0:25:31 > 0:25:33It's not "lest we forget," it's "lest we remember".

0:25:33 > 0:25:36See, that's what all this is about -

0:25:36 > 0:25:39the memorials, the Cenotaph,

0:25:39 > 0:25:40the two-minute silence -

0:25:40 > 0:25:43because there is no better way of forgetting something

0:25:43 > 0:25:45than by commemorating it.

0:25:45 > 0:25:47And as for the truth, Scripps, which you're worrying about,

0:25:47 > 0:25:48forget it.

0:25:48 > 0:25:50In an examination, truth's not an issue.

0:25:50 > 0:25:52DAKIN: Do you really believe this, sir,

0:25:52 > 0:25:54or are you just trying to make us think?

0:25:54 > 0:25:56You can't explain away

0:25:56 > 0:25:57the poetry, sir. No, sir.

0:25:57 > 0:25:59Art wins in the end. What about this one, sir?

0:25:59 > 0:26:01Those long, uneven lines

0:26:01 > 0:26:03standing as patiently as if they were stretched

0:26:03 > 0:26:06outside The Oval or villa Park.

0:26:06 > 0:26:09The crowns of hats, the sun on moustached,

0:26:09 > 0:26:12archaic faces, grinning as if it were all

0:26:12 > 0:26:14an August Bank Holiday lark.

0:26:14 > 0:26:16Never such innocence, never before or since,

0:26:16 > 0:26:18as changed itself to past without a word.

0:26:18 > 0:26:19AKHTAR: The men...

0:26:19 > 0:26:21leaving the gardens tidy.

0:26:21 > 0:26:24The thousands of marriages lasting a little while longer.

0:26:24 > 0:26:26Never such innocence again.

0:26:26 > 0:26:28How come you know all this by heart?

0:26:28 > 0:26:30THEY CHUCKLE

0:26:30 > 0:26:32Not that it answers the question.

0:26:35 > 0:26:37So much for our glorious dead.

0:26:37 > 0:26:39Quite.

0:26:39 > 0:26:42Actually, Fiona's my western front.

0:26:42 > 0:26:44Well, last night, for instance.

0:26:44 > 0:26:46I thought it might be the big push.

0:26:46 > 0:26:48So, encountering

0:26:48 > 0:26:50only token resistance, I reconnoitered the ground,

0:26:50 > 0:26:52as far as the actual place.

0:26:52 > 0:26:53Shit!

0:26:53 > 0:26:54No, I mean, not onto it,

0:26:54 > 0:26:56and certainly not into it.

0:26:56 > 0:26:57Up to it.

0:26:57 > 0:26:58Fuck.

0:26:58 > 0:27:01DAKIN: And the metaphor really fits.

0:27:01 > 0:27:04'I mean, moving up to the front,

0:27:04 > 0:27:08'troops, presumably, had to pass the sites of previous battles.

0:27:08 > 0:27:10'Well, so it is with me.

0:27:10 > 0:27:13'Like particularly her tits,

0:27:13 > 0:27:16'which only surrendered about three weeks ago.

0:27:16 > 0:27:20'And which were indeed the start line of a determined

0:27:20 > 0:27:22'thrust southwards.'

0:27:24 > 0:27:27What's the matter?

0:27:27 > 0:27:29No-man's-land. Oh...fuck.

0:27:31 > 0:27:33So what I do with this?

0:27:34 > 0:27:37Carry out a controlled explosion?

0:27:38 > 0:27:41'Still, at least'

0:27:41 > 0:27:42I'm doing better than Felix.

0:27:42 > 0:27:44Felix?! No!

0:27:44 > 0:27:45Tries to.

0:27:45 > 0:27:46Chases her around the desk.

0:27:48 > 0:27:51Actually, the metaphor isn't exact,

0:27:51 > 0:27:53because what Fiona is presumably carrying out

0:27:53 > 0:27:55is a planned withdrawal.

0:27:55 > 0:27:57You're not forcing her, she's not being overwhelmed

0:27:57 > 0:27:59by superior forces.

0:27:59 > 0:28:01Does she like you?

0:28:01 > 0:28:03Course she likes me.

0:28:03 > 0:28:05Then you're not disputing the territory,

0:28:05 > 0:28:07you're just negotiating over the pace of the occupation.

0:28:07 > 0:28:10Yeah, just let us know when you get to Berlin.

0:28:10 > 0:28:12I'm beginning to like him more.

0:28:12 > 0:28:14Who, me?

0:28:14 > 0:28:16Irwin.

0:28:16 > 0:28:19Though he hates me.

0:28:19 > 0:28:21DAKIN: Jimmy!

0:28:21 > 0:28:24SCRIPPS: Cheer up. At least he speaks to you.

0:28:24 > 0:28:28Most guys wouldn't even speak to you.

0:28:28 > 0:28:31Love can be very irritating.

0:28:31 > 0:28:33How do you know?

0:28:33 > 0:28:35That's what I always think about God.

0:28:35 > 0:28:38He must get so pissed off, everybody adoring him all the time.

0:28:38 > 0:28:43Yes. Only you don't catch God poncing about in his underpants.

0:28:43 > 0:28:47PIANO INTRO PLAYS

0:28:47 > 0:28:50# I'm wild again

0:28:51 > 0:28:54# Beguiled again

0:28:54 > 0:28:59# A simpering Whimpering child again

0:28:59 > 0:29:03# Bewitched Bothered and bewildered

0:29:03 > 0:29:06# Am I

0:29:07 > 0:29:08# Couldn't sleep

0:29:08 > 0:29:10# And wouldn't sleep

0:29:10 > 0:29:15# When love came and told me I shouldn't sleep

0:29:15 > 0:29:20# Bewitched Bothered and bewildered

0:29:20 > 0:29:24# Am I

0:29:24 > 0:29:25# Lost my heart

0:29:25 > 0:29:27# But what of it?

0:29:27 > 0:29:29# He is cold

0:29:29 > 0:29:31# I agree

0:29:31 > 0:29:33# He can laugh, but I love it

0:29:33 > 0:29:38# Although the laugh's on me

0:29:40 > 0:29:42# I'll sing to him

0:29:42 > 0:29:45# Each spring to him

0:29:45 > 0:29:47# And worship

0:29:47 > 0:29:49# The trousers

0:29:49 > 0:29:53# That cling to him

0:29:54 > 0:29:58# Bewitched, bothered

0:29:58 > 0:30:03# And bewildered

0:30:04 > 0:30:10# Am I. #

0:30:16 > 0:30:18HECTOR: Well done, Posner.

0:30:18 > 0:30:20And now...

0:30:20 > 0:30:23for some poetry of a more traditional sort.

0:30:23 > 0:30:25Oh, God!

0:30:25 > 0:30:28Uh, Timms, wha-what is it?

0:30:28 > 0:30:31Sir, I don't always understand poetry.

0:30:31 > 0:30:33You don't always understand it?

0:30:33 > 0:30:35Timms,

0:30:35 > 0:30:37I never understand it.

0:30:37 > 0:30:39But learn it now, know it now,

0:30:39 > 0:30:42and you will understand it... whenever.

0:30:42 > 0:30:44I don't see how we can understand it.

0:30:44 > 0:30:47Most of the stuff poetry's about hasn't happened to us yet.

0:30:47 > 0:30:48But it will, Timms, it will.

0:30:48 > 0:30:51And when it does, you'll have the antidote ready.

0:30:51 > 0:30:53Grief, happiness.

0:30:53 > 0:30:55Even when you die.

0:30:55 > 0:30:57We're making your death beds here, boys.

0:30:59 > 0:31:01Hey, we've got an ending, sir.

0:31:01 > 0:31:03Oh, goody!

0:31:03 > 0:31:05Well, be sharp! Where's the kitty?

0:31:07 > 0:31:10LOCKWOOD: We have to smoke, sir.

0:31:10 > 0:31:13And I happen to have some, sir.

0:31:13 > 0:31:16Very well.

0:31:16 > 0:31:19PIANO PLAYS

0:31:19 > 0:31:21Jerry, please help me.

0:31:21 > 0:31:24Shall we just have a cigarette on it?

0:31:24 > 0:31:26Yes.

0:31:26 > 0:31:30PIANO PLAYS ROMANTIC MUSIC

0:31:40 > 0:31:41May I sometimes come here?

0:31:41 > 0:31:43Whenever you like.

0:31:43 > 0:31:45It's your home, too. There are people here who love you.

0:31:46 > 0:31:48And will you be happy, Charlotte?

0:31:48 > 0:31:51Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon.

0:31:51 > 0:31:53We have the stars.

0:31:53 > 0:31:57PIANO PLAYS DRAMATICALLY

0:32:00 > 0:32:02MUSIC ENDS

0:32:02 > 0:32:04HECTOR: Lovely!

0:32:04 > 0:32:07Hmm...

0:32:07 > 0:32:11Could it be Paul Henreid and Bette Davis in Now, Voyager?

0:32:11 > 0:32:12THEY LAUGH

0:32:12 > 0:32:15It is famous, you ignorant little tarts.

0:32:15 > 0:32:18But we never heard of it, sir! Oh, Walt Whitman,

0:32:18 > 0:32:19Leaves Of Grass.

0:32:19 > 0:32:21"The untold want

0:32:21 > 0:32:23"by life and land ne'er granted,

0:32:23 > 0:32:26"now, Voyager, sail thou forth

0:32:26 > 0:32:29"to seek and find."

0:32:29 > 0:32:3050p, please.

0:32:32 > 0:32:34LINTOTT: Ah, Rudge.

0:32:36 > 0:32:38There's nothing on the Carry On films.

0:32:38 > 0:32:40Why? Should there be?

0:32:40 > 0:32:42The exam.

0:32:42 > 0:32:46Mr Irwin said the Carry Ons would be good films to talk about.

0:32:46 > 0:32:47How peculiar.

0:32:47 > 0:32:49Does he like them, do you think?

0:32:49 > 0:32:51Probably not.

0:32:51 > 0:32:54You never know with him. I'm now wondering

0:32:54 > 0:32:56if there's something there that I've missed.

0:32:56 > 0:32:59Well, Mr Irwin says that...

0:32:59 > 0:33:02"Whilst they have no intrinsic artistic merit,"

0:33:02 > 0:33:05BOY CLEARS THROAT

0:33:05 > 0:33:08QUIETLY: "..they achieve some of the permanence of art

0:33:08 > 0:33:09"simply by persisting,

0:33:09 > 0:33:11"and acquire incremental significance,

0:33:11 > 0:33:12"if only as social history."

0:33:12 > 0:33:14Dear me.

0:33:14 > 0:33:16What fun you must all have.

0:33:16 > 0:33:18It's not like your stuff, Miss.

0:33:18 > 0:33:20It's cutting-edge.

0:33:20 > 0:33:22It really is.

0:33:35 > 0:33:37Where do you live, sir? Horsforth.

0:33:37 > 0:33:39Oh, that's not far from Mr Hector, sir.

0:33:39 > 0:33:41He might even give you a lift, if you ask him.

0:33:41 > 0:33:43It's not a loft, is it sir? Do you exist

0:33:43 > 0:33:45on an unhealthy diet of take-away food, sir,

0:33:45 > 0:33:47or do you whisk up gourmet meals for one?

0:33:47 > 0:33:49Or is it a lonely pizza, sir?

0:33:49 > 0:33:51I manage! No questions from you, Dakin?

0:33:51 > 0:33:54No, what they want to know, sir, is do you have a life?

0:33:54 > 0:33:56Yes. Or are we it?

0:33:56 > 0:33:58Are we your life? It's pretty dismal if you are,

0:33:58 > 0:34:00cos these are as dreary as ever!

0:34:00 > 0:34:02You get a question, you know the answer,

0:34:02 > 0:34:05but, then, so does everybody else, so...

0:34:05 > 0:34:07say something different!

0:34:07 > 0:34:08Say the opposite.

0:34:08 > 0:34:10OK, look, er, take Stalin.

0:34:10 > 0:34:12He's generally agreed to be a monster,

0:34:12 > 0:34:14and rightly so.

0:34:14 > 0:34:17Dissent - find something, anything,

0:34:17 > 0:34:19and say it in his defence.

0:34:19 > 0:34:22The question is about what you know.

0:34:22 > 0:34:24It's not about what you don't know.

0:34:24 > 0:34:26A question about Rembrandt, for instance,

0:34:26 > 0:34:28might prompt an answer on Degas.

0:34:28 > 0:34:30Is Degas an old master?

0:34:30 > 0:34:31About suffering, they were never wrong, sir,

0:34:31 > 0:34:33the old masters.

0:34:33 > 0:34:34How it takes place while someone's eating

0:34:34 > 0:34:36or opening a window.

0:34:36 > 0:34:38Have you done that with Mr Hector? Done what, sir?

0:34:38 > 0:34:41The poem. You're quoting somebody - Auden, isn't it?

0:34:41 > 0:34:43Was I, sir? Sometimes it just flows out.

0:34:43 > 0:34:45You know, brims over.

0:34:45 > 0:34:47Does he have a programme, or is it just at random?

0:34:47 > 0:34:50It's just knowledge, sir. The pursuit of it for its own sake, sir.

0:34:50 > 0:34:53Breaking bread with the dead, sir, that's what we do.

0:34:53 > 0:34:55It's higher than your stuff, sir. It's nobler.

0:34:55 > 0:34:56Only not useful.

0:34:56 > 0:34:58Mr Hector's not as focused.

0:34:58 > 0:35:00LOCKWOOD: Not focused at all, sir - he's blurred, sir.

0:35:00 > 0:35:03CROWTHER: And we know what we're doing with you, sir.

0:35:03 > 0:35:05Half the time with him, we don't know what we're doing at all.

0:35:05 > 0:35:07No, we're poor little sheep that've lost our way, sir.

0:35:07 > 0:35:10Sit down. Where are we? Where are we, sir?

0:35:10 > 0:35:12You're very young, sir.

0:35:12 > 0:35:13This isn't your gap year, is it, sir?

0:35:13 > 0:35:15I wish it was.

0:35:15 > 0:35:18LOCKWOOD: Why, sir? Do you not like teaching us?

0:35:18 > 0:35:20We're not just a hiccup between the end

0:35:20 > 0:35:22of university and the beginning of life,

0:35:22 > 0:35:24like Auden, are we, sir? Do you like

0:35:24 > 0:35:26Auden's poetry, sir?

0:35:26 > 0:35:28Some, yeah.

0:35:28 > 0:35:29Mr Hector does.

0:35:29 > 0:35:31We know about Auden.

0:35:31 > 0:35:34He was a schoolmaster for a bit.

0:35:34 > 0:35:35I believe he was, yes.

0:35:35 > 0:35:37Yeah, he was.

0:35:37 > 0:35:39Do you think he was more like you

0:35:39 > 0:35:41or more like Mr Hector?

0:35:41 > 0:35:43I have no idea. Why should he be like either of us?

0:35:43 > 0:35:46Oh, I think he was more like Mr Hector.

0:35:46 > 0:35:47Bit of a shambles.

0:35:47 > 0:35:50He snogged his pupils.

0:35:50 > 0:35:53Auden, sir, not Mr Hector.

0:35:53 > 0:35:55So you could answer a question on Auden, then?

0:35:55 > 0:35:57TIMMS: No, sir!

0:35:57 > 0:35:59Mr Hector's stuff's not meant for the exam.

0:35:59 > 0:36:03It's to make us more rounded human beings.

0:36:03 > 0:36:05Listen, this examination's gonna be about everything and anything

0:36:05 > 0:36:09you know and are, and if there's a question on Auden,

0:36:09 > 0:36:10or whoever, and you know about it, answer it.

0:36:10 > 0:36:12We couldn't do that, sir.

0:36:12 > 0:36:14That would be a betrayal of trust.

0:36:14 > 0:36:16Yeah, is nothing sacred, sir? We're shocked!

0:36:16 > 0:36:17I would, sir,

0:36:17 > 0:36:19and they would. They're taking the piss.

0:36:19 > 0:36:21LOCKWOOD: England, you've been here too long,

0:36:21 > 0:36:23and the songs you sing are the songs you sung

0:36:23 > 0:36:24on a braver day.

0:36:24 > 0:36:25Now...

0:36:25 > 0:36:27they are wrong. Who's that?

0:36:27 > 0:36:28DAKIN: Oh, Mr Irwin!

0:36:28 > 0:36:30Don't you know, sir? No.

0:36:30 > 0:36:32It's Stevie Smith of Not Waving But Drowning fame.

0:36:32 > 0:36:34Well, don't tell me that's useless knowledge.

0:36:34 > 0:36:36Listen, if you get an essay on post-imperial decline -

0:36:36 > 0:36:38you're losing an empire, finding a role,

0:36:38 > 0:36:41all that kind of stuff, a gobbet like that,

0:36:41 > 0:36:43it's the perfect way to end it.

0:36:43 > 0:36:45A what, sir?

0:36:46 > 0:36:48A gobbet.

0:36:48 > 0:36:50A quotation.

0:36:50 > 0:36:52How much more stuff like this have you got up your sleeves?

0:36:52 > 0:36:53We've got all sorts.

0:36:53 > 0:36:55Hey, the train! The train!

0:36:55 > 0:36:58THEY WHISTLE

0:37:00 > 0:37:01I really meant to do it.

0:37:01 > 0:37:04I stood there trembling, right on the edge.

0:37:04 > 0:37:06But I couldn't.

0:37:06 > 0:37:08I wasn't brave enough.

0:37:08 > 0:37:10I should like to be able to say it was the thought

0:37:10 > 0:37:12of you and the and the children that prevented me,

0:37:12 > 0:37:13but it wasn't.

0:37:13 > 0:37:15I had no thoughts at all.

0:37:15 > 0:37:17Only an overwhelming desire

0:37:17 > 0:37:19not to feel anything at all, ever again.

0:37:19 > 0:37:21Not to be unhappy any more.

0:37:22 > 0:37:24I went back into the refreshment room.

0:37:24 > 0:37:26That's when I nearly fainted.

0:37:26 > 0:37:27What is all this?

0:37:27 > 0:37:29Shh!

0:37:31 > 0:37:32Laura?

0:37:32 > 0:37:35Yes, dear?

0:37:35 > 0:37:38Whatever your dream was,

0:37:38 > 0:37:42it wasn't a very happy one, was it?

0:37:42 > 0:37:45No.

0:37:45 > 0:37:48Is there anything I can do to help?

0:37:48 > 0:37:50Fred, you always help.

0:37:51 > 0:37:54You've been a long way away.

0:37:56 > 0:37:58Thank you for coming back to me.

0:38:07 > 0:38:09God knows why you've learned Brief Encounter.

0:38:09 > 0:38:11CHEERING

0:38:11 > 0:38:13I think you ought to know, this lesson's

0:38:13 > 0:38:15been a complete waste of time.

0:38:15 > 0:38:17Oh, a bit like Mr Hector's lessons then, sir.

0:38:17 > 0:38:18They're a complete waste of time, too.

0:38:18 > 0:38:20Yeah, you little smart arse.

0:38:20 > 0:38:22But he's not trying to get you through an exam.

0:38:22 > 0:38:24ALL: Oooh!

0:38:25 > 0:38:27French Kiss?

0:38:27 > 0:38:28I beg your pardon?

0:38:28 > 0:38:30Newmarket, 3:00.

0:38:34 > 0:38:35Dorothy.

0:38:35 > 0:38:37Thank you, Stanley.

0:38:39 > 0:38:41So, how are you finding them?

0:38:41 > 0:38:43You've taught them too well.

0:38:43 > 0:38:45They can't see it's a game.

0:38:45 > 0:38:46History? Is it a game?

0:38:46 > 0:38:48For an exam like this, yeah.

0:38:48 > 0:38:49Dorothy...

0:38:49 > 0:38:51Oh, fuck.

0:38:55 > 0:38:56Dorothy.

0:38:56 > 0:38:57Headmaster.

0:38:57 > 0:38:59DOROTHY: I call him "the awful warning."

0:38:59 > 0:39:00Who, Felix?

0:39:00 > 0:39:01If you don't watch out,

0:39:01 > 0:39:04he's what you turn into.

0:39:04 > 0:39:06If this was a 1940s film,

0:39:06 > 0:39:08he'd be played by Raymond Huntley.

0:39:08 > 0:39:09Who?

0:39:09 > 0:39:12He made a speciality of sour-faced judges

0:39:12 > 0:39:13and vinegary schoolmasters.

0:39:13 > 0:39:16Who would I be played by?

0:39:16 > 0:39:17Dirk Bogarde?

0:39:17 > 0:39:19I'm not sure I like that.

0:39:19 > 0:39:21Dorothy.

0:39:21 > 0:39:22Ah, Hector. The very man.

0:39:22 > 0:39:24Chin up, Rudge. Hello.

0:39:24 > 0:39:25Mrs Lintott.

0:39:25 > 0:39:27Our lord and master, having grudgingly conceded

0:39:27 > 0:39:29that art may have its uses,

0:39:29 > 0:39:31I gather I'm supposed to give your Oxford and Cambridge boys

0:39:31 > 0:39:33a smattering of art history.

0:39:33 > 0:39:35Not my bag, Hazel. Irwin's your man.

0:39:35 > 0:39:37It's really just the icing on the cake.

0:39:38 > 0:39:40Is art ever anything else?

0:39:48 > 0:39:51Michelangelo.

0:39:51 > 0:39:53Well...

0:39:53 > 0:39:55I suppose.

0:39:57 > 0:40:00Who've you got?

0:40:03 > 0:40:04Both nancies.

0:40:04 > 0:40:05Are they?

0:40:05 > 0:40:07These aren't women.

0:40:07 > 0:40:09They're just men with tits.

0:40:09 > 0:40:10And the tits look as if they've been

0:40:10 > 0:40:12put on with an ice-cream scoop.

0:40:12 > 0:40:15Do you like Turner, then?

0:40:15 > 0:40:17All right.

0:40:17 > 0:40:20Well, choose someone you do like.

0:40:20 > 0:40:22Art's meant to be enjoyed.

0:40:22 > 0:40:25In the long term, Miss, maybe, but with us,

0:40:25 > 0:40:27enjoyment don't come into it.

0:40:27 > 0:40:28We ain't got time to read the books.

0:40:28 > 0:40:30We ain't got time to look at the pictures.

0:40:30 > 0:40:32What we really need is lessons in acting,

0:40:32 > 0:40:35cos that's what this whole scholarship thing is - an acting job.

0:40:37 > 0:40:40So, have the boys given you a nickname?

0:40:40 > 0:40:42Not that I'm aware of.

0:40:42 > 0:40:43A nickname is an achievement,

0:40:43 > 0:40:45both in the sense of something won

0:40:45 > 0:40:51and also in its armorial sense of a badge, a blazon.

0:40:51 > 0:40:53Unsurprisingly, I am Tott.

0:40:53 > 0:40:55Or Totty.

0:40:55 > 0:40:58Some irony there, one feels.

0:41:00 > 0:41:01Hector has no nickname.

0:41:01 > 0:41:03Yes, he has - Hector.

0:41:03 > 0:41:04But he's called Hector.

0:41:04 > 0:41:06That's his nickname, too.

0:41:06 > 0:41:08He isn't called Hector, his name's Douglas.

0:41:08 > 0:41:09Though the only person I've ever heard

0:41:09 > 0:41:13address him as such is his somewhat unexpected wife.

0:41:18 > 0:41:21Posner came to see me yesterday.

0:41:21 > 0:41:23He has a problem.

0:41:23 > 0:41:25No nickname, but at least you get their problems.

0:41:25 > 0:41:26I seldom do.

0:41:26 > 0:41:28POSNER: Sir...

0:41:28 > 0:41:31I think I may be homosexual.

0:41:34 > 0:41:36I love Dakin.

0:41:36 > 0:41:39Does Dakin know?

0:41:39 > 0:41:42Yes, and doesn't think it surprising.

0:41:42 > 0:41:45Though Dakin likes girls, basically.

0:41:45 > 0:41:46IRWIN: 'I sympathised,'

0:41:46 > 0:41:51though not so much as to suggest I might be in the same boat.

0:41:53 > 0:41:55With Dakin?

0:41:55 > 0:41:57With anybody.

0:41:57 > 0:41:58That's sensible.

0:41:58 > 0:42:00One of the hardest things

0:42:00 > 0:42:03for boys to learn is that a teacher is human.

0:42:03 > 0:42:05One of the hardest things for a teacher to learn

0:42:05 > 0:42:07is not to try and tell them.

0:42:08 > 0:42:09POSNER: Is it a phase, sir?

0:42:09 > 0:42:11Do you think it's a phase?

0:42:12 > 0:42:15Some of the literature says it will pass.

0:42:15 > 0:42:18I'm not sure I want it to pass.

0:42:18 > 0:42:20But I want to get into Oxford.

0:42:20 > 0:42:24If I do, Dakin might love me.

0:42:24 > 0:42:27Or I might stop caring.

0:42:29 > 0:42:32Do you look at your life, sir?

0:42:32 > 0:42:35I thought everybody did.

0:42:35 > 0:42:38I'm a Jew...

0:42:38 > 0:42:41I'm small...

0:42:41 > 0:42:43I'm homosexual...

0:42:44 > 0:42:47and I live in Sheffield.

0:42:47 > 0:42:49I'm fucked.

0:42:52 > 0:42:53So, all this religion,

0:42:53 > 0:42:56what do you do?

0:42:56 > 0:42:58Go to church, pray.

0:42:58 > 0:43:01Yes? So time-consuming.

0:43:01 > 0:43:03You've no idea.

0:43:03 > 0:43:06Yeah, what else?

0:43:06 > 0:43:07Well...

0:43:08 > 0:43:10It's what you don't do.

0:43:12 > 0:43:14You don't not wank.

0:43:14 > 0:43:16Jesus!

0:43:16 > 0:43:18You're headed for the bin. It's not forever.

0:43:18 > 0:43:22Well, just tell me on the big day, and I'll stand well back.

0:43:22 > 0:43:24See, what bothers me is the more you read,

0:43:24 > 0:43:26the more you see that literature is actually about losers.

0:43:26 > 0:43:28No. Yeah.

0:43:28 > 0:43:30It's consolation.

0:43:30 > 0:43:32All literature is consolation.

0:43:32 > 0:43:34I don't care what Hector says.

0:43:34 > 0:43:36I find literature really lowering.

0:43:36 > 0:43:38This is Irwin, isn't it?

0:43:38 > 0:43:39A line of stuff for the exam.

0:43:39 > 0:43:42No.

0:43:42 > 0:43:44Well, it isn't wholly my idea.

0:43:44 > 0:43:46I've been reading this book by "Knee-shaw".

0:43:46 > 0:43:48Who?

0:43:48 > 0:43:49Knee-shaw.

0:43:49 > 0:43:50He's a philosopher.

0:43:52 > 0:43:54Friedrich Knee-shaw.

0:43:55 > 0:43:58I think that's pronounced Nietzsche.

0:43:58 > 0:44:00Oh, shit.

0:44:00 > 0:44:02Shit!

0:44:02 > 0:44:03SCRIPPS: What's the matter?

0:44:03 > 0:44:04DAKIN: I talked to Irwin about it,

0:44:04 > 0:44:06and he didn't correct me.

0:44:06 > 0:44:07He let me call him Knee-shaw.

0:44:07 > 0:44:09He'll think I'm a right, fool. Shit!

0:44:09 > 0:44:10What have I done?

0:44:10 > 0:44:13Nothing. You've done nothing.

0:44:13 > 0:44:16The world doesn't revolve around you, you know.

0:44:17 > 0:44:19Ah, Irwin.

0:44:19 > 0:44:21How are our young men doing?

0:44:21 > 0:44:23Are they...on stream?

0:44:23 > 0:44:25I think so.

0:44:25 > 0:44:26You think so?

0:44:26 > 0:44:28Are they or aren't they?

0:44:28 > 0:44:30It still must be something of a lottery.

0:44:30 > 0:44:32A lottery?

0:44:32 > 0:44:34I don't like the sound of that, Irwin.

0:44:34 > 0:44:36I don't want you to fuck up.

0:44:36 > 0:44:40We've been down that road too many times before.

0:45:14 > 0:45:17Oi!

0:45:21 > 0:45:24He's coming.

0:45:44 > 0:45:46BOYS CHEER

0:45:53 > 0:45:56IRWIN: They took the lead off the roofs.

0:45:56 > 0:45:58They used the timbers to melt it down, and time did the rest.

0:45:58 > 0:46:01And all thanks to Henry VIII.

0:46:01 > 0:46:04If you want to learn about Stalin, study Henry VIII.

0:46:04 > 0:46:07If you want to learn about Mrs Thatcher, study Henry VIII.

0:46:07 > 0:46:10While you and Dorothy are taking them through the history,

0:46:10 > 0:46:12I'll pitch camp here. Though, Irwin,

0:46:12 > 0:46:15I am constantly available for the provision

0:46:15 > 0:46:20of useful quotations - sorry, gobbets - on request.

0:46:20 > 0:46:23"Bare ruined choirs where late the sweet bird sang."

0:46:23 > 0:46:25Remember, boys,

0:46:25 > 0:46:27festoon your answers with gobbets,

0:46:27 > 0:46:30and you won't go very far wrong.

0:46:30 > 0:46:33IRWIN: Actually, singing was the least of it.

0:46:33 > 0:46:37The monks were farmers, clothiers, tanners, tailors.

0:46:43 > 0:46:44LOCKWOOD: This was the toilet, sir?

0:46:44 > 0:46:46IRWIN: One of them.

0:46:46 > 0:46:47A bit draughty on the bum.

0:46:47 > 0:46:49That was the drain down there.

0:46:49 > 0:46:51AKHTAR: Then they drank out of it?

0:46:51 > 0:46:53Fucking Christians.

0:46:53 > 0:46:55What about the Ganges? You're just as bad.

0:46:55 > 0:46:57I'm Muslim, knob.

0:46:57 > 0:46:59You all look alike to me, anyway.

0:46:59 > 0:47:02So what was this, then - chapel?

0:47:02 > 0:47:03No, it was a storeroom.

0:47:03 > 0:47:05A barn.

0:47:05 > 0:47:07All the produce would come in here.

0:47:07 > 0:47:10You know it all, don't you?

0:47:10 > 0:47:12It interests me.

0:47:12 > 0:47:13Well, that's good.

0:47:13 > 0:47:15It's good.

0:47:22 > 0:47:24TIMMS: All-male community, was it, sir?

0:47:24 > 0:47:26Of course, they were monks.

0:47:26 > 0:47:27Bit of that, you think?

0:47:27 > 0:47:28What?

0:47:28 > 0:47:30Same-sex stuff.

0:47:30 > 0:47:32You blushed, sir!

0:47:32 > 0:47:34Have I fuck blushed?

0:47:34 > 0:47:36Sir, this is consecrated ground.

0:47:36 > 0:47:37AKHTAR: Not to me, sir.

0:47:37 > 0:47:39To me, it's a pagan temple.

0:47:39 > 0:47:41Only, you did blush a bit, sir.

0:47:41 > 0:47:43LOCKWOOD: Is that why Henry VIII put the boot in then, sir,

0:47:43 > 0:47:44cos of them bunking up?

0:47:44 > 0:47:46IRWIN: That's what he said.

0:47:46 > 0:47:48Not much else for them to do, though, was there?

0:47:48 > 0:47:50I mean, in their time off.

0:47:50 > 0:47:52POSNER: Pray?

0:47:52 > 0:47:54LOCKWOOD: Hey, Posner would make a good monk.

0:47:54 > 0:47:55Except he's Jewish.

0:47:55 > 0:47:57CROWTHER: Do Jews have monks?

0:47:57 > 0:47:59Yes, I'm one now.

0:48:02 > 0:48:05TIMMS: In your own time, sir!

0:48:07 > 0:48:09Pass the parcel.

0:48:09 > 0:48:12That's, sometimes, all you can do.

0:48:13 > 0:48:18Take it, feel it, and pass it on.

0:48:18 > 0:48:21Not for me, not for you,

0:48:21 > 0:48:25but for someone... somewhere...

0:48:25 > 0:48:27one day.

0:48:27 > 0:48:29Pass it on, boys.

0:48:29 > 0:48:31That's the game I want you to learn.

0:48:31 > 0:48:34Pass it on.

0:48:34 > 0:48:35CLICK!

0:48:39 > 0:48:41Hurry, up, please, hurry up.

0:48:44 > 0:48:46Hector.

0:48:48 > 0:48:49A word.

0:48:59 > 0:49:01This is not the first time, apparently.

0:49:01 > 0:49:03But on this occasion,

0:49:03 > 0:49:05she managed to make a note of the number.

0:49:05 > 0:49:09For the moment, I propose to say nothing about this.

0:49:09 > 0:49:13But fortunately, it's not long before you're due to retire.

0:49:13 > 0:49:17In the circumstances, I propose that we bring that forward.

0:49:17 > 0:49:21I think we should be looking at the end of term.

0:49:29 > 0:49:31Have you nothing to say?

0:49:34 > 0:49:37"The tree of man was never quiet.

0:49:37 > 0:49:38"Then 'twas the Roman,

0:49:38 > 0:49:41"now 'tis I."

0:49:41 > 0:49:44This is no time for poetry.

0:49:46 > 0:49:49Um, I'm assuming your wife doesn't know.

0:49:49 > 0:49:51I have no idea.

0:49:51 > 0:49:55What women know or don't know has always been a mystery to me.

0:49:55 > 0:49:58And are you going to tell her?

0:49:58 > 0:50:00I don't know.

0:50:00 > 0:50:03I'm not sure she'd be interested.

0:50:03 > 0:50:07Well, um, there's another thing.

0:50:07 > 0:50:11Strange how even the most tragic turn of events

0:50:11 > 0:50:12generally resolve themselves

0:50:12 > 0:50:15into questions about the timetable.

0:50:15 > 0:50:18Irwin's been badgering me for more lessons.

0:50:18 > 0:50:19In the circumstances,

0:50:19 > 0:50:20a concession might be in order.

0:50:20 > 0:50:23In future, I think you and he might share.

0:50:23 > 0:50:24Share?!

0:50:24 > 0:50:26Share.

0:50:26 > 0:50:28In the meantime,

0:50:28 > 0:50:30you must consider your position.

0:50:31 > 0:50:34I do not want to sack you.

0:50:34 > 0:50:37People talk,

0:50:37 > 0:50:41and it's so...untidy.

0:50:42 > 0:50:46It will be easier for all concerned if you retired early.

0:50:48 > 0:50:49Look,

0:50:49 > 0:50:50nothing happened.

0:50:53 > 0:50:55HUSHED: A hand on a boy's genitals

0:50:55 > 0:50:58at 50 miles an hour, and you call it nothing?!

0:50:58 > 0:51:02The transmission of knowledge is in itself an erotic act.

0:51:02 > 0:51:03In the Renaissance, for example...

0:51:03 > 0:51:05Fuck the Renaissance!

0:51:05 > 0:51:08And fuck literature and Plato

0:51:08 > 0:51:11and Michelangelo and Oscar Wilde

0:51:11 > 0:51:14and all the other shrunken violets

0:51:14 > 0:51:17you people line up.

0:51:17 > 0:51:20This is a school,

0:51:20 > 0:51:24and it isn't normal.

0:51:59 > 0:52:01Still here?

0:52:01 > 0:52:03It is Wednesday, sir.

0:52:03 > 0:52:06Yes, well, I thought with the day trip to Fountains and...

0:52:06 > 0:52:08It's only 4.30pm.

0:52:08 > 0:52:12Well, in that case, where's Dakin?

0:52:12 > 0:52:14With Mr Irwin, sir.

0:52:14 > 0:52:16Ah.

0:52:16 > 0:52:18Of course.

0:52:18 > 0:52:21He's showing him some old exam questions.

0:52:21 > 0:52:24Yeah. With all the appropriate gobbets,

0:52:24 > 0:52:27no doubt. Well, no matter.

0:52:27 > 0:52:29We must keep up the fight without him.

0:52:29 > 0:52:31What have we learned this week?

0:52:31 > 0:52:32Drummer Hodge, sir. Hardy.

0:52:32 > 0:52:34Ah, nice.

0:52:34 > 0:52:39"They throw in Drummer Hodge to rest uncoffined,

0:52:39 > 0:52:40"just as found.

0:52:40 > 0:52:42"His landmark is a kopje-crest

0:52:42 > 0:52:45"which breaks the veldt around

0:52:45 > 0:52:49"and foreign constellations west each night above his mound.

0:52:49 > 0:52:52"Young Hodge the drummer never knew,

0:52:52 > 0:52:53"fresh from his Wessex home,

0:52:53 > 0:52:56"the meaning of the broad Karoo,

0:52:56 > 0:52:58"the Bush, the dusty loam,

0:52:58 > 0:53:01"and why uprose to nightly views,

0:53:01 > 0:53:04"strange stars amid the gloam,

0:53:04 > 0:53:09"yet portion of that unknown plain will Hodge forever be.

0:53:09 > 0:53:12"His homely northern breast and brain grow

0:53:12 > 0:53:14"to some southern tree,

0:53:14 > 0:53:16"and strange-eyed constellations

0:53:16 > 0:53:19"reign his stars eternally."

0:53:23 > 0:53:25Good.

0:53:25 > 0:53:27Very good.

0:53:33 > 0:53:35Any thoughts?

0:53:35 > 0:53:37I wondered, sir,

0:53:37 > 0:53:39if this "portion of that unknown plain

0:53:39 > 0:53:42"will Hodge forever be" is like Rupert Brooke, sir?

0:53:42 > 0:53:43"There's some corner of a foreign field

0:53:43 > 0:53:46"in that dust, a richer dust concealed."

0:53:46 > 0:53:47It is. It is.

0:53:47 > 0:53:48It's the same thought.

0:53:48 > 0:53:51Though Hardy is better, I think.

0:53:51 > 0:53:55It's more...more...

0:53:55 > 0:53:57well, down-to-earth.

0:53:57 > 0:53:59Quite literally, down-to-earth.

0:54:00 > 0:54:02Anything about his name?

0:54:02 > 0:54:03Hodge?

0:54:03 > 0:54:07The important thing is...he has a name.

0:54:07 > 0:54:10Say Hardy's writing about the Zulu wars

0:54:10 > 0:54:15or later, or...the Boer War, possibly,

0:54:15 > 0:54:18and these were the first campaigns

0:54:18 > 0:54:21when soldiers - common soldiers - were commemorated.

0:54:21 > 0:54:23The names of the dead were recorded

0:54:23 > 0:54:25and inscribed on war memorials.

0:54:25 > 0:54:29Before this, soldiers - private soldiers -

0:54:29 > 0:54:35were all... unknown soldiers.

0:54:35 > 0:54:38And so far from being revered,

0:54:38 > 0:54:40there was a firm in the 19th century

0:54:40 > 0:54:45in Yorkshire, of course, which swept up their bones

0:54:45 > 0:54:46from the battlefields of Europe

0:54:46 > 0:54:49in order to grind them into fertiliser.

0:54:51 > 0:54:56So, thrown into a common grave though he may be,

0:54:56 > 0:55:00he's still Hodge the drummer.

0:55:00 > 0:55:05Lost boy though he is, on the far side of the world...

0:55:07 > 0:55:10..he still has a name.

0:55:12 > 0:55:14How old was he?

0:55:14 > 0:55:16If he was a drummer, he'd be a boy soldier,

0:55:16 > 0:55:18not even as old as you, probably.

0:55:18 > 0:55:19No. Hardy.

0:55:19 > 0:55:20Oh, how old was Hardy?

0:55:20 > 0:55:26Oh, um, when he wrote this... about 60.

0:55:26 > 0:55:28My age, I suppose.

0:55:31 > 0:55:35A saddish life, though not unappreciated.

0:55:38 > 0:55:43"Uncoffined" is a typical Hardy usage.

0:55:43 > 0:55:46It's a compound adjective formed

0:55:46 > 0:55:49by putting "un" in front of the noun

0:55:49 > 0:55:51or verb, of course.

0:55:51 > 0:55:54Unkissed...

0:55:54 > 0:55:57unrejoicing...

0:55:57 > 0:55:59unconfessed...

0:56:02 > 0:56:04..unembraced.

0:56:07 > 0:56:10It...it's a turn of phrase

0:56:10 > 0:56:12that brings with it a sense

0:56:12 > 0:56:15of not sharing, being out of it.

0:56:15 > 0:56:18Whether because of diffidence or shyness,

0:56:18 > 0:56:21but holding back,

0:56:21 > 0:56:25not being in the swim.

0:56:25 > 0:56:28Can you see that?

0:56:28 > 0:56:30Yes, sir.

0:56:33 > 0:56:35I felt that a bit.

0:56:51 > 0:56:52The best moments in reading

0:56:52 > 0:56:56are when you come across something,

0:56:56 > 0:56:59a thought a feeling, a way of looking at things,

0:56:59 > 0:57:00that you'd thought special,

0:57:00 > 0:57:03particular to you.

0:57:03 > 0:57:06And here it is...

0:57:06 > 0:57:09set down by someone else, a person you've never met.

0:57:09 > 0:57:13Maybe even someone long dead.

0:57:13 > 0:57:20And it...it's as if a hand has

0:57:20 > 0:57:26come out... and taken yours.

0:57:31 > 0:57:35Let's just have that last verse again, and I'll let you go.

0:57:38 > 0:57:43"Yet portion of that unknown plain will Hodge forever be,

0:57:43 > 0:57:47"his homely northern breast and brain grow

0:57:47 > 0:57:49"to some southern tree,

0:57:49 > 0:57:55"and strange-eyed constellations reign his stars eternally."

0:57:57 > 0:58:00ENGINE REVS

0:58:04 > 0:58:08HEADMASTER: Shall I tell you what is wrong with Hector as a teacher?

0:58:08 > 0:58:12It isn't that he doesn't produce results - he does

0:58:12 > 0:58:15but they're unpredictable and unquantifiable,

0:58:15 > 0:58:17and in the current educational climate,

0:58:17 > 0:58:18that is of no use.

0:58:18 > 0:58:22I mean, there's inspiration, certainly,

0:58:22 > 0:58:25but how do I quantify that?

0:58:25 > 0:58:29And I happen to hear one child singing yesterday morning,

0:58:29 > 0:58:33and on enquiry, I find that his pupils know all the words

0:58:33 > 0:58:36of When I'm Cleaning Windows.

0:58:36 > 0:58:38George Formby.

0:58:38 > 0:58:42And Gracie Fields.

0:58:42 > 0:58:44Dorothy, what has Gracie Fields

0:58:44 > 0:58:47got to do with anything?

0:58:47 > 0:58:50So, the upshot is...

0:58:50 > 0:58:54I'm glad he handled his pupils' balls,

0:58:54 > 0:58:55because that, at least, I can categorise.

0:58:55 > 0:58:58It's the reason for his going

0:58:58 > 0:59:01no-one can dispute.

0:59:03 > 0:59:04You didn't know.

0:59:06 > 0:59:08Not that, no.

0:59:11 > 0:59:14I assumed you knew.

0:59:14 > 0:59:17He handled the boy's balls?

0:59:17 > 0:59:21I don't want to spell it out.

0:59:21 > 0:59:22You've been married yourself.

0:59:22 > 0:59:24You know the form.

0:59:24 > 0:59:27And to be fair, I think it was more

0:59:27 > 0:59:28appreciative than investigatory.

0:59:28 > 0:59:31But it's inexcusable, nevertheless.

0:59:31 > 0:59:34No, no, it's to everyone's benefit

0:59:34 > 0:59:38that he should go as soon as possible.

0:59:57 > 0:59:59LOCKWOOD: Sir...

0:59:59 > 1:00:02Can I say something, sir?

1:00:02 > 1:00:04Well, we've got the most important exam

1:00:04 > 1:00:05of our lives coming up, sir,

1:00:05 > 1:00:09and we just sat here reading literature.

1:00:09 > 1:00:11HE CLEARS THROAT

1:00:11 > 1:00:13Leaving that aside for the moment,

1:00:13 > 1:00:15there's something I have to tell you.

1:00:15 > 1:00:16We know all that, sir.

1:00:16 > 1:00:18How do you know?

1:00:18 > 1:00:21About sharing classes Mr Irwin, sir.

1:00:21 > 1:00:22No, no, not that.

1:00:22 > 1:00:23Why is that, sir?

1:00:23 > 1:00:26It's a question of timetabling, apparently.

1:00:26 > 1:00:28No, no, this is something else.

1:00:28 > 1:00:30Does that mean your lessons

1:00:30 > 1:00:31will be more like Mr Irwin's, sir?

1:00:31 > 1:00:33More use, sir.

1:00:33 > 1:00:34Less farting about?

1:00:34 > 1:00:36Hush, boys, hush.

1:00:36 > 1:00:38Can't you see I'm not in the mood?

1:00:38 > 1:00:40DAKIN: What mood is that, sir?

1:00:40 > 1:00:41The subjunctive?

1:00:41 > 1:00:43The mood of possibility.

1:00:43 > 1:00:46Get on with some work. Read.

1:00:46 > 1:00:47That's what we're saying, sir.

1:00:47 > 1:00:48There's no time for reading.

1:00:48 > 1:00:50Can't you just give us the gist, sir?

1:00:50 > 1:00:52Precis it, sir, like Mr Irwin does.

1:00:52 > 1:00:55Just the outlines, sir, then we can pretend.

1:00:55 > 1:00:56Pretend?!

1:00:56 > 1:00:57No, no, no, sir.

1:00:57 > 1:00:59That's what exams are for!

1:00:59 > 1:01:01Will you shut up about these exams?!

1:01:01 > 1:01:03Shut up, all of you!

1:01:09 > 1:01:13What made me piss my life away in this godforsaken place?

1:01:16 > 1:01:18There's nothing of me left.

1:01:25 > 1:01:26Go away.

1:01:29 > 1:01:31Go...

1:01:34 > 1:01:36HE SOBS

1:01:45 > 1:01:46Sir?

1:01:52 > 1:01:53Sir?

1:01:59 > 1:02:01Sir...

1:02:16 > 1:02:18Would you like to start?

1:02:18 > 1:02:20I don't mind.

1:02:20 > 1:02:21How do you normally start?

1:02:21 > 1:02:22It is your lesson.

1:02:22 > 1:02:25General studies.

1:02:25 > 1:02:26Well, the boys decide.

1:02:26 > 1:02:29Ask them.

1:02:29 > 1:02:30Anybody? Floor's open.

1:02:34 > 1:02:37Oh, come on, boys. Don't sulk.

1:02:37 > 1:02:39We don't know who we are, sir.

1:02:39 > 1:02:41Your class or Mr Irwin's.

1:02:41 > 1:02:42Does it matter?

1:02:42 > 1:02:44TIMMS: Oh, yes, sir.

1:02:44 > 1:02:48Depends if you want us thoughtful or...smart.

1:02:48 > 1:02:51He wants you civil, you rancid little turd.

1:02:51 > 1:02:52Hitting us, sir.

1:02:52 > 1:02:54You're a witness. He could be sacked.

1:02:54 > 1:02:56I thought we might talk about the Holocaust.

1:02:56 > 1:02:57HECTOR: Good gracious.

1:02:57 > 1:02:59How can, how can you teach the Holocaust?

1:02:59 > 1:03:01Well, that would do as a question.

1:03:01 > 1:03:04Can you...or should you teach the Holocaust?

1:03:04 > 1:03:05Anybody? Come on.

1:03:05 > 1:03:06AHKTAR: It has origins.

1:03:06 > 1:03:08It has consequences.

1:03:08 > 1:03:09It's a subject like any other.

1:03:09 > 1:03:11Not like any other, surely.

1:03:11 > 1:03:12Not like any other at all.

1:03:12 > 1:03:14No, but it's a topic.

1:03:14 > 1:03:16HECTOR: They go on school trips there, nowadays, don't they?

1:03:16 > 1:03:17Auschwitz.

1:03:17 > 1:03:19Dachau.

1:03:19 > 1:03:20What's always concerned me is

1:03:20 > 1:03:22where do they have their sandwiches,

1:03:22 > 1:03:23drink their Cokes?

1:03:23 > 1:03:25The visitors' centre. It's like anywhere else.

1:03:25 > 1:03:28Yeah, but do they take pictures of each other there?

1:03:28 > 1:03:31Are they...smiling?

1:03:31 > 1:03:34Do they...hold hands?

1:03:34 > 1:03:35Nothing is appropriate.

1:03:35 > 1:03:37What if you were to write this was

1:03:37 > 1:03:39so far beyond one's experience,

1:03:39 > 1:03:41silence is the only proper response?

1:03:41 > 1:03:42That would be Mr Hector's answer

1:03:42 > 1:03:44to lots of questions, though, wouldn't it, sir?

1:03:44 > 1:03:47Uh, yes...yes, Dakin, it would.

1:03:47 > 1:03:51"Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent."

1:03:51 > 1:03:53That's right, isn't it, sir? Wittgenstein.

1:03:53 > 1:03:56Yes, that's good. HECTOR: No, it's not good.

1:03:56 > 1:03:57It's flip. It's glib.

1:03:57 > 1:03:59It's journalism. It's you that taught us it.

1:03:59 > 1:04:01I didn't teach you,

1:04:01 > 1:04:03and Wittgenstein did not screw it out of his very guts

1:04:03 > 1:04:06in order for you to turn it into a dinky formula.

1:04:06 > 1:04:08Why can't we simply just

1:04:08 > 1:04:11condemn the camps outright as an unprecedented horror?

1:04:11 > 1:04:13There's no point, sir. Everybody'll do that.

1:04:13 > 1:04:15The camp's an event unlike any other.

1:04:15 > 1:04:18The, the evil unprecedented, et cetera, et cetera.

1:04:18 > 1:04:19No!

1:04:19 > 1:04:22Can't you see that even to say "et cetera"

1:04:22 > 1:04:25is...monstrous.

1:04:25 > 1:04:28"Et cetera" is what the Nazis would have said.

1:04:28 > 1:04:30The dead reduced to mere verbal abbreviation.

1:04:30 > 1:04:33All right, not "et cetera," but given that the death camps

1:04:33 > 1:04:35are generally thought of as unique...

1:04:35 > 1:04:38wouldn't another approach be to show what precedents there were,

1:04:38 > 1:04:40put them, well, in proportion?

1:04:40 > 1:04:42Proportion?! Well, no, not proportion,

1:04:42 > 1:04:44then, but put them in context.

1:04:44 > 1:04:46POSNER: But to put something in context is a step

1:04:46 > 1:04:47towards saying that it can be understood

1:04:47 > 1:04:50and that it can be explained, and if it can be explained, then it can be

1:04:50 > 1:04:52explained away.

1:04:52 > 1:04:54"Tout comprendre c'est tout pardonner."

1:04:54 > 1:04:54That's good, Posner.

1:04:54 > 1:04:57It isn't "good". I mean it, sir.

1:04:57 > 1:04:59DAKIN: But when we talk about putting them

1:04:59 > 1:05:00in context, it's only the same

1:05:00 > 1:05:02as the Dissolution of the Monasteries.

1:05:02 > 1:05:03After all, monasteries had been dissolved

1:05:03 > 1:05:05before Henry VIII - dozens of them.

1:05:05 > 1:05:06Yes, but the difference is,

1:05:06 > 1:05:08I didn't lose any relatives

1:05:08 > 1:05:10in the Dissolution of the Monasteries.

1:05:10 > 1:05:11Good point.

1:05:11 > 1:05:12SCRIPPS: You keep saying, "Good point."

1:05:12 > 1:05:14Not good point, sir.

1:05:14 > 1:05:15True.

1:05:15 > 1:05:18To you, the Holocaust is just another topic

1:05:18 > 1:05:20on which we may or may not get a question.

1:05:20 > 1:05:22No!

1:05:22 > 1:05:25No, but this is history - distance yourselves.

1:05:25 > 1:05:28Our perspective on the past alters,

1:05:28 > 1:05:31and looking back, immediately in front of us, is dead ground.

1:05:31 > 1:05:33We don't see it.

1:05:33 > 1:05:34And because we don't see it,

1:05:34 > 1:05:40this means there is no period so remote as the recent past.

1:05:40 > 1:05:42And one of the historian's jobs is to anticipate

1:05:42 > 1:05:43what our perspective of that period

1:05:43 > 1:05:46will be... even on the Holocaust.

1:05:46 > 1:05:48BELL RINGS

1:05:50 > 1:05:52Won the argument there, sir?

1:05:52 > 1:05:54What? The Holocaust.

1:05:54 > 1:05:57Yep, you really showed him.

1:05:59 > 1:06:01You flirt.

1:06:01 > 1:06:02I don't understand it.

1:06:02 > 1:06:05Never wanted to please anybody the way I do him,

1:06:05 > 1:06:07girls not excepted.

1:06:09 > 1:06:11He's going, you know?

1:06:11 > 1:06:13The big man? Yeah, don't let on.

1:06:13 > 1:06:15Fiona says. Sacked?

1:06:15 > 1:06:17Who complained?

1:06:18 > 1:06:20That's why the lifts have stopped.

1:06:20 > 1:06:21Poor sod.

1:06:21 > 1:06:23Though in some ways, I can't say I'm sorry.

1:06:23 > 1:06:27No. No more genital massage as one speeds along

1:06:27 > 1:06:29leafy suburban roads.

1:06:29 > 1:06:32No more the bike's melancholy long withdrawing roar

1:06:32 > 1:06:34as he dropped you at the corner,

1:06:34 > 1:06:35your honour still intact.

1:06:35 > 1:06:37Hey.

1:06:40 > 1:06:43Lecher though one is, or one aspires to be,

1:06:43 > 1:06:46it occurs to me that the lot of women cannot be easy,

1:06:46 > 1:06:49who must suffer such inexpert male fumblings

1:06:49 > 1:06:51virtually on a daily basis.

1:06:51 > 1:06:53Mmm.

1:06:53 > 1:06:55Are we scarred for life, do you think?

1:06:56 > 1:06:57We must hope so.

1:07:25 > 1:07:27Dad!

1:07:45 > 1:07:47DAKIN: Never gives an inch, does he?

1:07:47 > 1:07:48"Lucid and up to a point compelling,

1:07:48 > 1:07:51"but if you've reached a conclusion, it escaped me."

1:07:51 > 1:07:53Have you looked at your handwriting recently?

1:07:53 > 1:07:55Why? You're beginning to write like him.

1:07:55 > 1:07:57I'm not trying to, honestly.

1:07:57 > 1:07:59You're writing like him and all.

1:07:59 > 1:08:01No, I'm not.

1:08:01 > 1:08:02Dakin writes like him.

1:08:02 > 1:08:04I write like Dakin.

1:08:04 > 1:08:06It's done wonders for the sex life.

1:08:06 > 1:08:08Apparently, I talk about him so much,

1:08:08 > 1:08:09Fiona gets really pissed off.

1:08:09 > 1:08:11Doing it's about the only time I shut up.

1:08:11 > 1:08:13Would you do it with him?

1:08:13 > 1:08:14Yeah, I wondered about that.

1:08:14 > 1:08:18I might. Bring a little bit of sunshine into his life.

1:08:18 > 1:08:21It's only a wank, after all.

1:08:21 > 1:08:24What makes you think he'd do it with you?

1:08:24 > 1:08:27LAUGHING: You complacent fuck!

1:08:27 > 1:08:31The Archbishop of Canterbury know you talk like this?

1:08:31 > 1:08:33I like him.

1:08:33 > 1:08:35I just wish I thought he liked me.

1:08:37 > 1:08:38Irwin does like him.

1:08:38 > 1:08:40He seldom looks at anyone else.

1:08:40 > 1:08:42How do you know?

1:08:42 > 1:08:43Because nor do I.

1:08:43 > 1:08:45Our eyes meet looking at Dakin.

1:08:46 > 1:08:49Oh, Poz...

1:08:49 > 1:08:52with your spaniel heart.

1:08:52 > 1:08:53It will pass. Yes,

1:08:53 > 1:08:55it's only a phase.

1:08:55 > 1:08:57Who says I want it to pass?

1:08:57 > 1:09:00But the pain, the pain.

1:09:03 > 1:09:06Hector would say it's the only education worth having.

1:09:06 > 1:09:10I just wish there were marks for it.

1:09:10 > 1:09:11LINTOTT: Mr Crouther.

1:09:11 > 1:09:13Now, one of your interests is the theatre.

1:09:13 > 1:09:14Tell us about that.

1:09:15 > 1:09:18Um... I'm keen on acting.

1:09:18 > 1:09:20You know, I've done various parts.

1:09:20 > 1:09:21Can I...stop you?

1:09:21 > 1:09:23Don't mention the theatre.

1:09:23 > 1:09:25Well, it's what I'm interested in.

1:09:25 > 1:09:28Well, then soft-pedal it, the acting side of it anyway.

1:09:28 > 1:09:30Dons, most dons, think the theatre's a waste of time.

1:09:30 > 1:09:32Music is all right, though, isn't it, sir?

1:09:32 > 1:09:33They don't frown on that.

1:09:33 > 1:09:35No, you should just say what you enjoy.

1:09:35 > 1:09:37Mozart? IRWIN: No.

1:09:37 > 1:09:38No, everybody likes Mozart.

1:09:38 > 1:09:39Somebody more off the beaten track.

1:09:39 > 1:09:41Tippett, say, or Bruckner.

1:09:41 > 1:09:43But I don't know them.

1:09:43 > 1:09:46May I make a silly suggestion?

1:09:46 > 1:09:48Why can they not all just tell the truth?

1:09:48 > 1:09:50THEY GROAN

1:09:50 > 1:09:52I hesitate to mention this,

1:09:52 > 1:09:55lest it occasion a sophisticated groan,

1:09:55 > 1:09:56but it may not have crossed your minds,

1:09:56 > 1:10:00but one of the dons who interviews you may be a woman.

1:10:00 > 1:10:02I'm reluctant, at this stage in the game,

1:10:02 > 1:10:06to expose you to new ideas, but having taught you all history

1:10:06 > 1:10:09on a strictly non-gender-orientated basis,

1:10:09 > 1:10:13I just wonder whether it occurs to any of you how...

1:10:13 > 1:10:16dispiriting this can be.

1:10:18 > 1:10:21Am I embarrassing you?

1:10:21 > 1:10:22TIMMS: A bit, Miss.

1:10:22 > 1:10:24It's not our fault, it's just the way it is.

1:10:24 > 1:10:26"The world is everything, that is the case," Miss.

1:10:26 > 1:10:28It's Wittgenstein, Miss.

1:10:28 > 1:10:32Yes, yes, I know it's Wittgenstein, thank you.

1:10:32 > 1:10:37Can you for a moment imagine how depressing it is

1:10:37 > 1:10:41to teach five centuries of masculine ineptitude?

1:10:41 > 1:10:43HE GROANS

1:10:43 > 1:10:46Why do you think there are no women historians on TV?

1:10:46 > 1:10:47No tits. Hit that boy!

1:10:47 > 1:10:49HECTOR: Hit him!

1:10:49 > 1:10:50Sir, you can't, sir.

1:10:50 > 1:10:53I'll tell you why.

1:10:53 > 1:10:54Because history's not such a frolic

1:10:54 > 1:10:56for women as it is for men.

1:10:56 > 1:10:57Why should it be?

1:10:57 > 1:10:59They never get round the conference table.

1:10:59 > 1:11:04In 1919, for instance, they just arranged the flowers,

1:11:04 > 1:11:07then gracefully retired.

1:11:07 > 1:11:09History is a commentary

1:11:09 > 1:11:15on the various and continuing incapabilities of men.

1:11:18 > 1:11:21What is history?

1:11:21 > 1:11:25History is women following behind.

1:11:25 > 1:11:26With a bucket.

1:11:33 > 1:11:35Um... Rudge.

1:11:41 > 1:11:43LINTOTT: Now...

1:11:43 > 1:11:45How do you define history, Mr Rudge?

1:11:45 > 1:11:48Can I speak freely, Miss?

1:11:48 > 1:11:49Without being hit?

1:11:49 > 1:11:52I will protect you.

1:11:52 > 1:11:55How do I define history?

1:11:55 > 1:11:58It's just one fucking thing after another.

1:11:58 > 1:12:00BOYS LAUGH LOUDLY

1:12:03 > 1:12:05I see.

1:12:05 > 1:12:08And why do you want to come to Christ Church?

1:12:08 > 1:12:11It's the one I thought I might get into.

1:12:11 > 1:12:13No other reason?

1:12:15 > 1:12:17Do you like the architecture, for instance?

1:12:17 > 1:12:20They'll ask me about sport, won't they?

1:12:20 > 1:12:22If you're as uncommunicative as this,

1:12:22 > 1:12:23they may be forced to.

1:12:23 > 1:12:26The point is, Rudge, even if they want

1:12:26 > 1:12:28to take you on the basis of your prowess on the field,

1:12:28 > 1:12:30you have to help them at least pretend

1:12:30 > 1:12:32that there are other considerations.

1:12:32 > 1:12:34Look, I'm shit at all this.

1:12:34 > 1:12:37I'm sorry.

1:12:37 > 1:12:40If they like me and they want to take me,

1:12:40 > 1:12:43they'll take me because I'm dull and ordinary.

1:12:45 > 1:12:47I'm no good in interviews,

1:12:47 > 1:12:50but I've got enough chat to take me round the golf course.

1:12:50 > 1:12:51And maybe there'll be someone on the board

1:12:51 > 1:12:54who wants to go round the golf course.

1:12:54 > 1:12:56I may not know much about Jean-Paul Sartre,

1:12:56 > 1:13:00but I've got a handicap of four.

1:13:00 > 1:13:03Where have you heard about Sartre?

1:13:03 > 1:13:05He was a good golfer.

1:13:05 > 1:13:07Really? SNIGGERING

1:13:07 > 1:13:09I never knew that.

1:13:09 > 1:13:10Interesting.

1:13:10 > 1:13:12LOCKWOOD: Peter!

1:13:12 > 1:13:14How did you know Sartre was a golfer?

1:13:14 > 1:13:15I don't know that he was.

1:13:15 > 1:13:17How could I?

1:13:17 > 1:13:19I don't even know who the fuck he is.

1:13:19 > 1:13:22Well, they keep telling us you have to lie.

1:13:22 > 1:13:24CROWTHER: You know, I've a feeling Kafka was good at table tennis.

1:13:24 > 1:13:26AKHTAR: Yeah?

1:13:26 > 1:13:27I'll see you tomorrow, eh?

1:13:27 > 1:13:28DAKIN: Sir.

1:13:28 > 1:13:30I never gave you my essay.

1:13:30 > 1:13:31What degree did you get, sir?

1:13:31 > 1:13:32You never said. Second.

1:13:32 > 1:13:33Boring!

1:13:33 > 1:13:36Didn't the old magic work?

1:13:36 > 1:13:37I hadn't perfected the technique.

1:13:37 > 1:13:39No, come on. Well, it's after four.

1:13:39 > 1:13:41I'm gonna.

1:13:41 > 1:13:43HE SIGHS

1:13:49 > 1:13:51What college were you at?

1:13:51 > 1:13:53Corpus.

1:13:53 > 1:13:55That's not one anyone's going in for.

1:13:55 > 1:13:56No.

1:13:56 > 1:13:57You happy?

1:13:57 > 1:13:59There? Yeah.

1:13:59 > 1:14:00Yeah, I was quite.

1:14:00 > 1:14:03Do you think we'll be happy? Say we get in?

1:14:03 > 1:14:05You'll be happy anyway.

1:14:05 > 1:14:07I'm not sure I like that.

1:14:07 > 1:14:10Why?

1:14:10 > 1:14:12Uncomplicated - is that what you mean?

1:14:12 > 1:14:14Outgoing?

1:14:14 > 1:14:15Straight?

1:14:15 > 1:14:17They're none of them bad things to be, you know.

1:14:17 > 1:14:19Well, it depends.

1:14:19 > 1:14:21Nice to be a bit more complicated.

1:14:21 > 1:14:24Or to be thought so.

1:14:26 > 1:14:28(It's Felix.)

1:14:28 > 1:14:30IRWIN: Oh, Christ.

1:14:34 > 1:14:36Shit!

1:14:36 > 1:14:38THEY SNIGGER

1:14:43 > 1:14:45Not very bright, are you?

1:14:45 > 1:14:46Am I not?

1:14:46 > 1:14:48No, sir.

1:14:48 > 1:14:50How's Posner?

1:14:50 > 1:14:51Why?

1:14:51 > 1:14:52He likes you, doesn't he?

1:14:52 > 1:14:54Well, it's his age - he's growing up.

1:14:54 > 1:14:56It's hard for him.

1:14:56 > 1:14:58Boring for me.

1:14:58 > 1:15:00You're not suggesting that I do something about it?

1:15:00 > 1:15:03It happens.

1:15:03 > 1:15:05I wouldn't, anyway - too young.

1:15:05 > 1:15:07You still look quite young.

1:15:07 > 1:15:09That's cos I am, I suppose.

1:15:09 > 1:15:11How do you think history happens?

1:15:11 > 1:15:13What? How does stuff happen, do you think?

1:15:13 > 1:15:15People decide to do stuff.

1:15:15 > 1:15:18Make moves.

1:15:18 > 1:15:20Alter things. I'm not sure what you're talking about.

1:15:20 > 1:15:22No?

1:15:22 > 1:15:23Think about it.

1:15:23 > 1:15:25Some do, make moves, I suppose.

1:15:25 > 1:15:27Other people react to events.

1:15:27 > 1:15:29I mean, in 1939, for instance,

1:15:29 > 1:15:30Hitler made a move on Poland, Poland defended itself.

1:15:30 > 1:15:32Gave in. Is that what you mean?

1:15:32 > 1:15:34No. No.

1:15:34 > 1:15:36Not Poland anyway.

1:15:36 > 1:15:38Was Poland taken by surprise?

1:15:38 > 1:15:40To some extent.

1:15:41 > 1:15:44Although they knew something was up.

1:15:45 > 1:15:47What was your essay about?

1:15:47 > 1:15:49Turning points. Ah.

1:15:49 > 1:15:51Yeah, that's moments when history rattles over the points.

1:15:51 > 1:15:52Shall I tell you what you've written?

1:15:52 > 1:15:54Dunkirk. Yep.

1:15:54 > 1:15:55Hitler turning on Russia.

1:15:55 > 1:15:56Yeah.

1:15:56 > 1:15:57Alamein.

1:15:57 > 1:15:59Yeah, all those.

1:15:59 > 1:16:00More?

1:16:00 > 1:16:01That's good.

1:16:01 > 1:16:04Well, when Chamberlain resigned as Prime Minister in 1940,

1:16:04 > 1:16:05Churchill wasn't the first thought.

1:16:05 > 1:16:07Halifax more generally acceptable.

1:16:07 > 1:16:10But on the afternoon the decision was taken,

1:16:10 > 1:16:12Halifax chose to go to the dentist.

1:16:12 > 1:16:14If Halifax had had better teeth,

1:16:14 > 1:16:16we might have lost the war.

1:16:16 > 1:16:19That's terrific.

1:16:19 > 1:16:20Well, it's subjunctive history.

1:16:20 > 1:16:22Come again?

1:16:22 > 1:16:24Subjunctive.

1:16:24 > 1:16:25The mood used when something

1:16:25 > 1:16:27might or might not have happened.

1:16:27 > 1:16:30When it's imagined.

1:16:30 > 1:16:33Hector's crazy about the subjunctive.

1:16:34 > 1:16:36Why are you smiling?

1:16:36 > 1:16:38Nothing.

1:16:39 > 1:16:42Good luck.

1:16:52 > 1:16:55You may begin.

1:17:09 > 1:17:12Shit.

1:17:16 > 1:17:18Yes?

1:17:18 > 1:17:20A bit hit-and-miss, Miss.

1:17:20 > 1:17:22I was so nice about Hitler -

1:17:22 > 1:17:24a much misunderstood man.

1:17:24 > 1:17:25Queen Elizabeth, Miss.

1:17:25 > 1:17:28Less remarkable for her abilities

1:17:28 > 1:17:30than the fact that, unlike so many of her sisters,

1:17:30 > 1:17:33she got a chance to exercise them.

1:17:33 > 1:17:36That's the stuff.

1:17:36 > 1:17:39I hope they don't mind the trainers. They're all I've got.

1:17:39 > 1:17:41It's not an examination in footwear.

1:17:41 > 1:17:44POSNER: Somebody told me when you go to the box, it's about four miles.

1:17:44 > 1:17:47Listen, do you want to go to Oxford or do you want somewhere with a shit degree

1:17:47 > 1:17:48but has toilets en suite?

1:17:48 > 1:17:51What I say is, if they don't like me, then fuck 'em.

1:17:51 > 1:17:53Oh, Peter, I wish I had your philosophy.

1:17:53 > 1:17:54What'll you do, flutter the eyelashes as usual?

1:17:54 > 1:17:55No, I think, in the circumstances,

1:17:55 > 1:17:57it'll be the half smile with a hint of sadness.

1:17:57 > 1:17:59Fuck off.

1:17:59 > 1:18:01SCRIPPS: Get in. Sit down.

1:18:01 > 1:18:03Good luck.

1:18:03 > 1:18:05Good luck.

1:18:09 > 1:18:13# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

1:18:13 > 1:18:16# Cheerio, here I go on my way

1:18:16 > 1:18:19# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

1:18:19 > 1:18:23# Not a tear, but a cheer, make it gay! #

1:18:46 > 1:18:49CLEARS THROAT

1:18:53 > 1:18:56HE KNOCKS DOOR Come in.

1:18:58 > 1:19:00Mr Lockwood.

1:19:07 > 1:19:11No Irwin here.

1:19:14 > 1:19:16This is Corpus, isn't it?

1:19:16 > 1:19:18Yeah.

1:19:18 > 1:19:21POSNER: They liked my Hitler answer.

1:19:21 > 1:19:25Praised what they called my sense of detachment.

1:19:25 > 1:19:27They said it was the foundation of writing history.

1:19:27 > 1:19:29Ah, fucking hell!

1:19:29 > 1:19:31BELL TOLLS

1:19:31 > 1:19:33POSNER: It's like a stately home.

1:19:33 > 1:19:36My parents would love it.

1:19:50 > 1:19:52This is Mr Rudge, who, if he comes up,

1:19:52 > 1:19:55is hoping to read history.

1:19:57 > 1:19:59Who is this?

1:19:59 > 1:20:02Rudge.

1:20:11 > 1:20:13What's he want us for?

1:20:13 > 1:20:14No idea.

1:20:14 > 1:20:16Pep talk?

1:20:16 > 1:20:18Bit late for that.

1:20:18 > 1:20:20It's probably about Hector.

1:20:20 > 1:20:23I sort of know.

1:20:23 > 1:20:26I imagine everyone sort of knows.

1:20:26 > 1:20:27Does his wife?

1:20:27 > 1:20:30He doesn't think so, apparently.

1:20:30 > 1:20:32But I imagine she's another one

1:20:32 > 1:20:34who's sort of known all along.

1:20:34 > 1:20:37A husband on a low light.

1:20:37 > 1:20:41That's what they want, these supposedly unsuspecting wives.

1:20:41 > 1:20:44The husbands' lukewarm attentions.

1:20:44 > 1:20:47Just what they married them for.

1:20:47 > 1:20:50Oh, he's a fool.

1:20:50 > 1:20:53But he was also unlucky.

1:20:53 > 1:20:54For a start, the lollipop lady

1:20:54 > 1:20:57is only on duty a couple of hours.

1:20:57 > 1:20:59Five minutes later, she'd have gone off.

1:20:59 > 1:21:02And what if the lights had been green?

1:21:02 > 1:21:05Or if there'd been no children coming?

1:21:05 > 1:21:07This smallest of incidents,

1:21:07 > 1:21:12the junction of a dizzying range of...alternatives,

1:21:12 > 1:21:16any one of which could've had a different outcome.

1:21:16 > 1:21:21If I was a bold teacher -

1:21:21 > 1:21:24if I was you, even - I could spend a lesson

1:21:24 > 1:21:26dissecting what the headmaster insists on calling

1:21:26 > 1:21:28"this unfortunate incident,"

1:21:28 > 1:21:32and it would teach the boys more about history

1:21:32 > 1:21:35and the utter randomness of things

1:21:35 > 1:21:38than...well, than I've ever managed to do.

1:21:38 > 1:21:41So far.

1:21:45 > 1:21:48I wonder how they're going on.

1:21:49 > 1:21:52Don't you ever want to go back?

1:21:52 > 1:21:55To Oxford?

1:21:55 > 1:21:59Not clever enough.

1:22:01 > 1:22:04I'm not anything enough, really.

1:22:04 > 1:22:06DOOR OPENS

1:22:08 > 1:22:10Dorothy, a word.

1:22:24 > 1:22:27Trouble at t'mill.

1:22:28 > 1:22:32That's the news he's aching to impart.

1:22:32 > 1:22:33My marching orders.

1:22:33 > 1:22:37I sort of knew.

1:22:37 > 1:22:39Ah.

1:22:39 > 1:22:41Dakin told me.

1:22:44 > 1:22:46Did he tell you why?

1:22:53 > 1:22:56I've got this idea of buying a van,

1:22:56 > 1:22:58filling it with books

1:22:58 > 1:23:01and taking it round country markets.

1:23:01 > 1:23:03Shropshire.

1:23:03 > 1:23:04Herefordshire.

1:23:04 > 1:23:06The open road, the dusty highway.

1:23:06 > 1:23:08Travel, change, interest, excitement.

1:23:08 > 1:23:10Poop-poop.

1:23:17 > 1:23:20See, what I didn't want was to turn out boys

1:23:20 > 1:23:21who would claim in later life

1:23:21 > 1:23:24to have a deep love of literature

1:23:24 > 1:23:29or would talk in their middle age of the allure of language

1:23:29 > 1:23:31and their love of words.

1:23:31 > 1:23:36"Words" said in a reverential way that is somehow...

1:23:38 > 1:23:39..Welsh.

1:23:41 > 1:23:44That's what the tosh was for.

1:23:44 > 1:23:46Gracie Fields, Brief Encounter

1:23:46 > 1:23:47It's an antidote.

1:23:47 > 1:23:51Sheer calculated silliness.

1:23:53 > 1:23:56Has a boy ever made you unhappy?

1:24:02 > 1:24:04They used to do.

1:24:08 > 1:24:12See it as an innoculation,

1:24:12 > 1:24:14rather.

1:24:14 > 1:24:17Briefly painful,

1:24:17 > 1:24:21but providing immunity for however long it takes.

1:24:21 > 1:24:25Given the occasional booster, another face,

1:24:25 > 1:24:28another reminder of the pain,

1:24:28 > 1:24:31it can last you...

1:24:31 > 1:24:33half a lifetime.

1:24:33 > 1:24:37Love.

1:24:38 > 1:24:42Who could love me?

1:24:42 > 1:24:44I talk too much.

1:24:44 > 1:24:48Do they know?

1:24:50 > 1:24:52They know

1:24:52 > 1:24:55everything.

1:24:55 > 1:24:59Don't touch him.

1:24:59 > 1:25:01He'll think you're a fool.

1:25:04 > 1:25:06It's what they think of me.

1:25:16 > 1:25:19You knew as well, I gather.

1:25:21 > 1:25:23And the boys knew.

1:25:23 > 1:25:27Well, of course, the boys knew.

1:25:27 > 1:25:28They had it at first-hand.

1:25:28 > 1:25:33I didn't actually do anything.

1:25:33 > 1:25:36I mean, it was a laying on of hands, I don't deny that.

1:25:36 > 1:25:38But more by way of benediction than gratification.

1:25:38 > 1:25:40Hector, darling, love you as I do,

1:25:40 > 1:25:43that is the most colossal balls.

1:25:43 > 1:25:44Is it?

1:25:44 > 1:25:45A grope is a grope.

1:25:45 > 1:25:48It is not the Annunciation.

1:25:50 > 1:25:52You twerp!

1:25:54 > 1:25:56Anyway, what Felix wanted to tell me

1:25:56 > 1:25:57is that when I finish next year,

1:25:57 > 1:26:00he's hoping he can persuade you to step into my shoes.

1:26:00 > 1:26:02HEADMASTER: Irwin.

1:26:02 > 1:26:05For your information, they're a size-seven court shoe,

1:26:05 > 1:26:07broad fitting.

1:26:08 > 1:26:10Chris, Chris...

1:26:12 > 1:26:14Andy!

1:26:22 > 1:26:24David!

1:26:28 > 1:26:30Here, mate.

1:26:30 > 1:26:31LOCKWOOD: floor "C."

1:26:42 > 1:26:45Ah, Irwin, splendid news!

1:26:45 > 1:26:46Splendid news!

1:26:46 > 1:26:51Posner: a scholarship, Dakin: an exhibition,

1:26:51 > 1:26:53and places for everybody else.

1:26:53 > 1:26:54CHEERING

1:26:54 > 1:26:55Yes, yes, it's more

1:26:55 > 1:26:57than one could ever have hoped for.

1:26:57 > 1:26:58Irwin, you're to be congratulated

1:26:58 > 1:27:00for a remarkable achievement!

1:27:00 > 1:27:03Oh, and you too, you too, Dorothy, of course,

1:27:03 > 1:27:05who, er, who laid the foundation.

1:27:05 > 1:27:06Not Rudge, headmaster.

1:27:06 > 1:27:07Not Rudge? Oh, dear.

1:27:07 > 1:27:09He said nothing; the others have all had letters.

1:27:09 > 1:27:10It was always an outside chance.

1:27:10 > 1:27:12It's a pity.

1:27:12 > 1:27:14It would've been good to have a clean sweep.

1:27:14 > 1:27:16Still, as I said all along,

1:27:16 > 1:27:19you can't polish a turd.

1:27:23 > 1:27:25Rudge?

1:27:32 > 1:27:34You haven't heard from Oxford?

1:27:36 > 1:27:38Perhaps you'll hear tomorrow.

1:27:38 > 1:27:41Why should I?

1:27:41 > 1:27:42They told me when I was there.

1:27:42 > 1:27:44I'm sorry.

1:27:44 > 1:27:45What for?

1:27:45 > 1:27:47I got in.

1:27:47 > 1:27:50How come?

1:27:50 > 1:27:53Well, how come they told me?

1:27:53 > 1:27:55Or how come they took a thick sod like me?

1:27:57 > 1:27:59I had family connections.

1:27:59 > 1:28:03Somebody in your family went to Christ Church?

1:28:03 > 1:28:05Well, in a manner of speaking.

1:28:05 > 1:28:06My dad.

1:28:06 > 1:28:09Before he got married, he was a college servant there.

1:28:09 > 1:28:13This old...parson, who'd just been sitting

1:28:13 > 1:28:14at most of the interview, suddenly said

1:28:14 > 1:28:17was I related to Bill Rudge, who'd been a scout

1:28:17 > 1:28:19in staircase seven in the 1950s.

1:28:19 > 1:28:21So...said he's my dad,

1:28:21 > 1:28:23and they said I was just the kind of candidate

1:28:23 > 1:28:25they were looking for.

1:28:25 > 1:28:29Mind you, I did do the other stuff, like...

1:28:29 > 1:28:32Stalin was a sweetie and...

1:28:32 > 1:28:35Wilfred Owen was a wuss.

1:28:35 > 1:28:37They said I was plainly someone who thought for himself,

1:28:37 > 1:28:40and exactly what the college rugger team needed.

1:28:40 > 1:28:43Are you not pleased?

1:28:43 > 1:28:46It's not like winning a match.

1:28:46 > 1:28:47SHE SIGHS

1:28:47 > 1:28:51You see, miss...

1:28:51 > 1:28:53I want to do the stuff I want to do.

1:28:53 > 1:28:56I mean, this...

1:28:56 > 1:28:57I only wanted it cos the others did.

1:28:57 > 1:28:59And my dad.

1:28:59 > 1:29:01Now that I've got in, I just feel like

1:29:01 > 1:29:02telling the college to stuff it.

1:29:02 > 1:29:05I think that's Mr Hector.

1:29:05 > 1:29:07No, it isn't, miss.

1:29:07 > 1:29:10It's me.

1:29:20 > 1:29:21KNOCKING

1:29:31 > 1:29:34I went round to your college.

1:29:36 > 1:29:37I'm surprised you're interested.

1:29:37 > 1:29:38Well, I was kind of lonely.

1:29:38 > 1:29:42I wanted to see where you'd been.

1:29:42 > 1:29:44Only no-one had heard of you at Corpus.

1:29:44 > 1:29:45I said I was at Jesus. You said Corpus.

1:29:45 > 1:29:48Corpus, Jesus, what does it matter?

1:29:52 > 1:29:53I never got in.

1:29:53 > 1:29:56I was at Bristol.

1:29:56 > 1:30:00I did go to Oxford, but it was just to do a teaching diploma.

1:30:00 > 1:30:02Does that make any difference?

1:30:02 > 1:30:03To what?

1:30:03 > 1:30:04To me?

1:30:06 > 1:30:07At least you lied.

1:30:07 > 1:30:09And lying's good, isn't it?

1:30:09 > 1:30:10We've established that: lying works.

1:30:12 > 1:30:14You ought to learn to do it properly.

1:30:17 > 1:30:21Anybody else, I'd say we could have a drink.

1:30:24 > 1:30:26Is that a euphemism?

1:30:26 > 1:30:28A drink?

1:30:28 > 1:30:30Saying a drink,

1:30:30 > 1:30:33when you actually mean something else.

1:30:33 > 1:30:35It is, yeah.

1:30:35 > 1:30:37Actually, forget the euphemism.

1:30:39 > 1:30:41I'm just kicking the tyres on this one,

1:30:41 > 1:30:43but further to the drink.

1:30:43 > 1:30:45What I was really wondering was were there any circumstances

1:30:45 > 1:30:48in which there was any chance of your sucking me off.

1:30:51 > 1:30:53Or something similar.

1:30:55 > 1:30:57Actually, that would please Hector.

1:30:57 > 1:31:00What...?

1:31:00 > 1:31:02Your sucking me off.

1:31:02 > 1:31:03It's a gerund.

1:31:03 > 1:31:05He likes gerunds.

1:31:05 > 1:31:08And your being scared shitless,

1:31:08 > 1:31:10that's another gerund.

1:31:13 > 1:31:14I didn't know you were that way inclined.

1:31:14 > 1:31:16Well, I'm not.

1:31:16 > 1:31:19But it's the end of term, I've got into Oxford.

1:31:19 > 1:31:21I thought we might push the boat out.

1:31:27 > 1:31:30Anyway, I'll leave it on the table.

1:31:32 > 1:31:35I don't understand this.

1:31:35 > 1:31:37Reckless...

1:31:37 > 1:31:39impulsive, immoral.

1:31:39 > 1:31:41How come there's such a difference

1:31:41 > 1:31:43between the way you teach and the way you live?

1:31:43 > 1:31:46Why are you so bold in argument and talking

1:31:46 > 1:31:49but when it comes to the point...

1:31:49 > 1:31:51when it's something that's actually happening,

1:31:51 > 1:31:54I mean, now you're so fucking careful!

1:31:56 > 1:31:58Is it because you're a teacher and I'm a boy?

1:31:58 > 1:32:00Obviously that.

1:32:00 > 1:32:02But why? Who cares? I don't.

1:32:02 > 1:32:04You've already had one master who touches you up...

1:32:04 > 1:32:06Oh, is that what it is?

1:32:06 > 1:32:09It's that you don't want to be like Hector.

1:32:09 > 1:32:11Well, you won't be.

1:32:11 > 1:32:12You can't be.

1:32:12 > 1:32:13How could you be?

1:32:13 > 1:32:14Hector's a joke.

1:32:14 > 1:32:15No, he isn't, you see; he isn't.

1:32:15 > 1:32:18That side of him is. Dean...

1:32:20 > 1:32:21All right. All right, what?

1:32:21 > 1:32:22All right, let's go for a drink.

1:32:22 > 1:32:25No, don't take out your sodding diary.

1:32:25 > 1:32:27Maybe next week would, um... Next week?

1:32:27 > 1:32:29Get this man: "You can suck me off next week."

1:32:29 > 1:32:31I've heard of a crowded schedule,

1:32:31 > 1:32:33but this is ridiculous.

1:32:33 > 1:32:35God, we've got a long way to go.

1:32:37 > 1:32:39Do you ever take your glasses off?

1:32:39 > 1:32:41Why?

1:32:41 > 1:32:43It's a start.

1:32:43 > 1:32:45Not with me.

1:32:45 > 1:32:47Taking off my glasses is the last thing I do.

1:32:47 > 1:32:48Yeah?

1:32:48 > 1:32:51I'll look forward to it.

1:32:51 > 1:32:54What do you do on Sunday afternoons?

1:32:55 > 1:32:57What are you doing this Sunday afternoon?

1:32:57 > 1:33:01I was going to go through the accounts of Roche Abbey.

1:33:01 > 1:33:03It's a... Cistercian house.

1:33:03 > 1:33:05It's just to the south of Doncaster.

1:33:08 > 1:33:11Only I think I've just had a better offer.

1:33:11 > 1:33:13I think you have.

1:33:18 > 1:33:20And we're not in the subjunctive anymore, either.

1:33:23 > 1:33:24It's going to happen.

1:33:30 > 1:33:32DAKIN: I just wanted to say thank you.

1:33:32 > 1:33:33So?

1:33:33 > 1:33:35Give him a subscription to the Spectator

1:33:35 > 1:33:38or a box of Black Magic.

1:33:38 > 1:33:39Just cos you got a scholarship, doesn't mean

1:33:39 > 1:33:42you've got to give him unfettered access to your dick.

1:33:43 > 1:33:45Well, how would you say thank you?

1:33:45 > 1:33:46I...

1:33:46 > 1:33:49On my knees, probably, the same as you.

1:33:49 > 1:33:51I shall want a full report.

1:33:52 > 1:33:54Are you jealous?

1:33:54 > 1:33:55No... You're jealous, aren't you?

1:33:55 > 1:33:58No, not of the sex, just...

1:33:58 > 1:34:01of your being up for it.

1:34:01 > 1:34:03Me, I'm...

1:34:03 > 1:34:04Oh, write it down.

1:34:10 > 1:34:12Wish me luck.

1:34:12 > 1:34:13What for?

1:34:14 > 1:34:16What for?

1:34:18 > 1:34:20Dakin?

1:34:20 > 1:34:21Can I help you?

1:34:24 > 1:34:26I've never known such impertinence.

1:34:26 > 1:34:28Your scholarship seems to have gone to your head.

1:34:28 > 1:34:29The point I'm making, sir...

1:34:29 > 1:34:31I know the point you're making.

1:34:31 > 1:34:32I'm just curious, sir.

1:34:32 > 1:34:34I mean, what's the difference

1:34:34 > 1:34:35between Mr Hector touching us up on the bike

1:34:35 > 1:34:37and your feeling up Fiona?

1:34:37 > 1:34:40A comparable situation, historically,

1:34:40 > 1:34:42would be the dismissal of Cardinal Wolsey.

1:34:42 > 1:34:46Don't give me that Cardinal Wolsey shit.

1:34:52 > 1:34:54Who else knows about this?

1:34:54 > 1:34:56Fiona...um, Miss Proctor.

1:34:56 > 1:34:59Mr Hector to my study, please.

1:35:04 > 1:35:05LOCKWOOD: I might try the army.

1:35:05 > 1:35:07TIMMS: You?! You're a shambles.

1:35:07 > 1:35:09No, but they put you through college, apparently.

1:35:09 > 1:35:10Your fees and everything.

1:35:10 > 1:35:12Yeah, provided you kill people afterwards.

1:35:12 > 1:35:13We won't go to war again.

1:35:13 > 1:35:15Who's there to fight?

1:35:15 > 1:35:16I don't know about a career,

1:35:16 > 1:35:18I've gotta get fucking out the way first.

1:35:18 > 1:35:20CROWTHER: That goes on. Or doesn't.

1:35:20 > 1:35:21DAKIN: Hey, look, everybody.

1:35:21 > 1:35:24This is known as Posner's reward.

1:35:29 > 1:35:30Is that it?

1:35:30 > 1:35:32The longed-for moment?

1:35:32 > 1:35:33Well, what's wrong with it?

1:35:33 > 1:35:35It's too fucking brief.

1:35:35 > 1:35:37I was looking for something more...

1:35:37 > 1:35:39lingering.

1:35:39 > 1:35:41Go on, Stu, get in there!

1:35:41 > 1:35:42Go on! Come on!

1:35:42 > 1:35:44There it is!

1:35:44 > 1:35:46Beautiful! That's it!

1:35:46 > 1:35:49CHEERING, WHOOPING

1:35:49 > 1:35:51And what's this?

1:35:51 > 1:35:52Hector's reward? Yeah, well, I thought I would.

1:35:52 > 1:35:54It's only polite, just for

1:35:54 > 1:35:55old times' sake. Uh, just don't let it

1:35:55 > 1:35:56go past the lollipop lady.

1:35:56 > 1:35:59LAUGHING

1:36:02 > 1:36:04Ready, sir.

1:36:04 > 1:36:06Oh, Dakin.

1:36:06 > 1:36:08Think of it as a gesture, sir.

1:36:08 > 1:36:09But I'm not leaving.

1:36:09 > 1:36:10I'm coming back next year.

1:36:10 > 1:36:12LOCKWOOD: That's brilliant!

1:36:12 > 1:36:15I can't see this!

1:36:15 > 1:36:17A boy in a motorcycle helmet?!

1:36:17 > 1:36:19Dakin?

1:36:19 > 1:36:20No! No, no, no, no, no.

1:36:20 > 1:36:21Under no circumstances.

1:36:21 > 1:36:24Hector, I thought I'd made this plain.

1:36:24 > 1:36:27Take...somebody else.

1:36:27 > 1:36:28Take... DOOR OPENING

1:36:28 > 1:36:30Take Irwin.

1:36:30 > 1:36:31Irwin?!

1:36:31 > 1:36:33Sure, why not?

1:36:33 > 1:36:35HOOTING LAUGHTER All right.

1:36:37 > 1:36:39Do you want my "Tudor economic documents"?

1:36:39 > 1:36:41Fuck off.

1:36:41 > 1:36:44Fuck right off.

1:36:50 > 1:36:52ENGINE PUTTERING

1:36:52 > 1:36:54Go on, sir!

1:36:54 > 1:36:56(cheering, shouting)

1:37:13 > 1:37:17TYRES SCREECHING

1:37:20 > 1:37:22SIREN WAILING

1:37:22 > 1:37:27DAKIN: "How does history happen?" I asked Irwin.

1:37:27 > 1:37:30And he couldn't answer.

1:37:30 > 1:37:34But now he knew.

1:37:34 > 1:37:36Nothing special.

1:37:36 > 1:37:39Skid on a corner.

1:37:39 > 1:37:41Ordinary stuff.

1:37:44 > 1:37:47Irwin had never been on the back of a bike before,

1:37:47 > 1:37:50so maybe going around the corner, he leaned out

1:37:50 > 1:37:52instead of in and so unbalanced Hector.

1:37:55 > 1:37:58Trust him to lean the opposite way to everyone else.

1:37:58 > 1:38:01But he had no memory of what caused it.

1:38:01 > 1:38:03Suppose the last thing he remembered

1:38:03 > 1:38:05was me asking him out for a drink.

1:38:05 > 1:38:08Something we never did, incidentally.

1:38:08 > 1:38:11Still, at least I asked him.

1:38:11 > 1:38:14And, barring accidents, it would have happened.

1:38:14 > 1:38:16Listen...

1:38:16 > 1:38:17there is no barring accidents.

1:38:17 > 1:38:19It's what I said.

1:38:19 > 1:38:22History is just one fucking thing after another.

1:38:22 > 1:38:25(PLAYING MINOR-KEY INTRO TO "BYE, BYE, BLACKBIRD")

1:38:27 > 1:38:30# Pack up all my care and woe

1:38:30 > 1:38:32# Here I go, singing low

1:38:32 > 1:38:35# Bye-bye, blackbird

1:38:35 > 1:38:37# Blackbird

1:38:37 > 1:38:40# Where somebody waits for me

1:38:40 > 1:38:42# Sugar's sweet, so is she

1:38:42 > 1:38:46# Bye-bye, blackbird

1:38:46 > 1:38:47# Blackbird

1:38:47 > 1:38:52# No-one here can love and understand me

1:38:52 > 1:38:56# Oh, what hard luck stories they all hand me

1:38:56 > 1:38:58# Love and understand me

1:38:58 > 1:39:00# Make my bed and light the lights

1:39:00 > 1:39:03# I'll arrive late tonight

1:39:03 > 1:39:09# Blackbird, bye-bye

1:39:10 > 1:39:15ALL: # Blackbird...

1:39:15 > 1:39:18# Bye-bye. # HEADMASTER: If I speak of Hector,

1:39:18 > 1:39:20it is of enthusiasm shared,

1:39:20 > 1:39:23passion conveyed,

1:39:23 > 1:39:28and seeds sown of future harvest.

1:39:28 > 1:39:30He loved language.

1:39:30 > 1:39:34He loved words.

1:39:34 > 1:39:37For each and every one of you, his pupils,

1:39:37 > 1:39:43he opened a deposit account in the bank of literature

1:39:43 > 1:39:47and made you all shareholders

1:39:47 > 1:39:50in that wonderful world of words.

1:39:59 > 1:40:02Will they come to my funeral, I wonder?

1:40:02 > 1:40:04And what will they be?

1:40:04 > 1:40:06Akhtar, what are you?

1:40:06 > 1:40:07Headmaster, Miss.

1:40:07 > 1:40:10In Keighley, near Bradford.

1:40:10 > 1:40:13One of you is a magistrate, I know.

1:40:13 > 1:40:16And, Timms, what are you?

1:40:16 > 1:40:18Chain of dry cleaners, Miss.

1:40:18 > 1:40:19And I take drugs at the weekend.

1:40:19 > 1:40:22And are you all happy?

1:40:22 > 1:40:23Yeah. Yeah. Very happy.

1:40:23 > 1:40:25Kids don't help, though, Miss.

1:40:25 > 1:40:28Dakin, you're happy, I'm sure.

1:40:28 > 1:40:30Well, of course, I'm happy.

1:40:30 > 1:40:31I'm a tax lawyer.

1:40:31 > 1:40:32Money's incredible.

1:40:32 > 1:40:33Fuck's sake.

1:40:33 > 1:40:38Despite knowing, along with Wittgenstein,

1:40:38 > 1:40:41that the world is everything that is the case,

1:40:41 > 1:40:43Lieutenant James Lockwood,

1:40:43 > 1:40:45of the the First Battalion, York and Lancaster Regiment,

1:40:45 > 1:40:51is wounded by friendly fire, and dies on his way to hospital.

1:40:51 > 1:40:54He is 28.

1:40:54 > 1:40:58Tout comprendre c'est tout pardonner.

1:40:58 > 1:41:00Rudge, I'd forgotten you.

1:41:00 > 1:41:02As usual, Miss.

1:41:02 > 1:41:03You're a builder,

1:41:03 > 1:41:06carpeting the Dales in handy homes.

1:41:06 > 1:41:08Rudge Homes are at least affordable homes

1:41:08 > 1:41:10for the first-time buyer.

1:41:10 > 1:41:13I take wives round a show house.

1:41:13 > 1:41:16I tell them I was at Oxford.

1:41:16 > 1:41:18I get fucks galore.

1:41:18 > 1:41:21There is one journalist,

1:41:21 > 1:41:23though on a better class of paper.

1:41:23 > 1:41:25A career he's always threatening to abandon,

1:41:25 > 1:41:28in order, as he puts it, "really to write."

1:41:28 > 1:41:29IRWIN: Hector always said I was a journalist.

1:41:29 > 1:41:31And so you were.

1:41:31 > 1:41:33School was just an apprenticeship

1:41:33 > 1:41:34for television.

1:41:34 > 1:41:36I enjoy your programmes,

1:41:36 > 1:41:38but they're more journalism than history.

1:41:38 > 1:41:40BOYS MURMURING

1:41:40 > 1:41:43But of all Hector's boys, there is only one

1:41:43 > 1:41:46who truly took everything to heart,

1:41:46 > 1:41:49remembers everything he was ever taught.

1:41:49 > 1:41:52The songs, the poems,

1:41:52 > 1:41:54the sayings, the endings...

1:41:54 > 1:41:58the words of Hector never forgotten.

1:41:58 > 1:42:00Slightly to my surprise,

1:42:00 > 1:42:02I've ended up like you - a teacher.

1:42:02 > 1:42:05I'm a bit of a stock figure.

1:42:05 > 1:42:07I do a wonderful school play, for instance.

1:42:07 > 1:42:11And though I never touch the boys...

1:42:11 > 1:42:13it's always a struggle.

1:42:13 > 1:42:16But maybe that's why I'm a good teacher.

1:42:16 > 1:42:19I'm not happy...

1:42:19 > 1:42:22but I'm not unhappy about it.

1:42:26 > 1:42:28He was a good man.

1:42:28 > 1:42:30But I don't think there's time

1:42:30 > 1:42:32for his kind of teaching any more.

1:42:32 > 1:42:37SCRIPPS: No... "Love apart, it is the only education worth having."

1:42:44 > 1:42:46HECTOR: Pass the parcel.

1:42:46 > 1:42:49That's, sometimes, all you can do.

1:42:49 > 1:42:53Take it, feel it, and pass it on.

1:42:53 > 1:42:54Pass it on, boys.

1:42:54 > 1:42:57That's the game I want you to learn.

1:42:57 > 1:42:59Pass it on.

1:43:09 > 1:43:14# I'm wild again

1:43:14 > 1:43:18# Beguiled again

1:43:18 > 1:43:25# A simpering, Whimpering child again

1:43:25 > 1:43:31# Bewitched, bothered And bewildered

1:43:31 > 1:43:35# Am I

1:43:39 > 1:43:45# Couldn't sleep and wouldn't sleep

1:43:45 > 1:43:52# When love came and told me I shouldn't sleep

1:43:52 > 1:43:58# Bewitched, bothered And bewildered

1:43:58 > 1:44:03# Am I

1:44:05 > 1:44:11# Lost my heart, But what of it?

1:44:11 > 1:44:17# He is cold, I agree

1:44:17 > 1:44:23# He can laugh, but I love it

1:44:23 > 1:44:30# Although the laugh's on me

1:44:30 > 1:44:37# I'll sing to him, Each spring to him

1:44:37 > 1:44:44# And long for the day When I'll cling to him

1:44:44 > 1:44:50# Bewitched, bothered And bewildered

1:44:50 > 1:44:54# Am I

1:44:56 > 1:45:00# After one whole quart Of brandy

1:45:00 > 1:45:04# Like a daisy, I'm awake

1:45:04 > 1:45:07# With no bromo-seltzer handy

1:45:07 > 1:45:11# I don't even shake

1:45:11 > 1:45:15# Men are not a new sensation

1:45:15 > 1:45:19# I've done pretty well, I think

1:45:19 > 1:45:22# But this half-pint imitation

1:45:22 > 1:45:26# Put me on the blink

1:45:29 > 1:45:34# I've sinned a lot

1:45:34 > 1:45:37# I'm mean a lot

1:45:37 > 1:45:44# But I'm like Sweet seventeen a lot

1:45:44 > 1:45:49# Bewitched, bothered And bewildered

1:45:49 > 1:45:55# Am I

1:45:55 > 1:46:03# I'll sing to him, Each spring to him

1:46:03 > 1:46:09# And worship the trousers That cling to him

1:46:09 > 1:46:15# Bewitched, bothered And bewildered

1:46:15 > 1:46:20# Am I

1:46:22 > 1:46:28# When he talks, he is seeking

1:46:28 > 1:46:34# Words to get off his chest

1:46:34 > 1:46:40# Horizontally speaking

1:46:40 > 1:46:47# He's at his very best

1:46:47 > 1:46:54# Vexed again, perplexed again

1:46:54 > 1:47:01# Thank God, I can be oversexed again

1:47:01 > 1:47:10# Bewitched, bothered And bewildered

1:47:10 > 1:47:19# Am I. #

1:47:19 > 1:47:23Subtitles by Media Access Group at WGBH.

1:47:23 > 1:47:26E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk