0:02:46 > 0:02:50APPLAUSE
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce
0:02:53 > 0:02:55a legend in our industry.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58She's the most successful president in the history of our network
0:02:58 > 0:03:03and for the past five years has kept us at the top of the ratings.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05She's our maverick, our wild card,
0:03:05 > 0:03:08and today she's going to take us right to the edge.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Please welcome a giant, a genius,
0:03:11 > 0:03:16and the hardest-working person in television, Joanna Eberhart!
0:03:16 > 0:03:18RAPTUROUS CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Thank you all so much!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Thank you!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36That feels good!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Especially coming from such a fantastic group of people
0:03:39 > 0:03:42from all across our great nation, our network affiliates!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Give yourselves a great big hand!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46You deserve it!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50And I want a big, fat Christmas bonus!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Just kidding. But not really, because...
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I am so excited, I am so on fire,
0:03:56 > 0:04:00I am so guts-and-glory passionate about what I am about to show you.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04On Monday nights the world will be watching a man, a woman and a buzzer!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Are you ready for the final gender challenge?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- Who makes more money?- I do.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24- Who enters Ironman triathlons every year and wins?- I do.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Who secretly wishes they were married to a sexy lesbian?
0:04:27 > 0:04:28- I do.- I do!
0:04:28 > 0:04:30It's Tara!
0:04:37 > 0:04:40And...
0:04:40 > 0:04:42on Thursdays...
0:04:42 > 0:04:45No, this is not just a TV show. No.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47This is a breakthrough, break-out, break-the-rules
0:04:47 > 0:04:51and bring-on-the-Emmys mega-smash!
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Yes!
0:04:52 > 0:04:57Can I present to you this planet's ultimate reality phenomenon?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I Can Do Better!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13We will all be right there
0:05:13 > 0:05:18as happily married couples fly first class to a tropical island paradise,
0:05:18 > 0:05:22where they will be surrounded by professional prostitutes.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26And at the end of the week, well, let's take a peek.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28It's been a week!
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Hank, a personnel manager from Omaha, spent the week with Vanessa,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34a call girl and exotic dancer.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Yeah, it's been amazing.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40And I'll admit we've had some fun in the hot tub, an' all.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44But you want to know something, Billy? All we did was talk.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Because I love my wife.
0:05:46 > 0:05:51And the only place I want to be is back in Omaha with my Barbara.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Tough break, Nessa.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55And, Barbara, you spent Monday with Rocky,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58a body builder and male escort,
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Tuesday through Thursday with the cast of the XXX film Hung Jury,
0:06:03 > 0:06:06and you spend the entire weekend with Tonkiro.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17It's time for the final decision. Barbara, it's yours to make.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Is it gonna be Omaha...
0:06:21 > 0:06:23..or Oma-hugs?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Well...before I came on this show,
0:06:27 > 0:06:31I only had sex with one man, and that was usually Hank.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35I love Hank deeply and forever with all my heart.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I'd never do anything to hurt him.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41But I can do better!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50The battle of the sexes!
0:06:50 > 0:06:52As old as time, but as -
0:06:52 > 0:06:56- Why?! - Er... Excuse me?
0:06:56 > 0:07:01- Why did you do it?!- Oh, my God, it's Hank from I Can Do Better!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Hank, everyone!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10No, stop it!
0:07:10 > 0:07:14I love Barbara! I had a family. I had a life.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18Hank... I know it hurts.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Love isn't easy.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Relationships aren't easy.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Not for anyone. But...
0:07:25 > 0:07:27now you know the truth about Barbara,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31and you are going to move on with your life,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33and you're going to meet someone wonderful,
0:07:33 > 0:07:37and America is going to love you.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39APPLAUSE
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Yeah, I got a great idea... for another hot new show.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- Well, tell it to us. - It's called...
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Let's Kill All The Women.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54AUDIENCE SHRIEKS
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Oh!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Joanna, are you all right?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I am great. Raring to go. The police were sensational.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10And not a scratch!
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- You haven't heard?- About what?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- That man, Hank... - SHE GROANS
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Right before he tried to kill you
0:08:20 > 0:08:24he went to see his ex-wife and five of her new boyfriends.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- He did?- He shot all of them.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30The wife is in critical condition. Four guys are on life support.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- Tonkiro?- He's fine.- Thank God.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37- So you know what this means? - Of course.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40We pay for all their medical treatment. Every penny.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44We get them the very best therapist, childcare, rehab, whatever they need.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48And then we fly them to New York first class for a prime-time special,
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Hank and Barbara: Let The Healing Begin.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53You're not listening.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57We can't wear this. The lawsuits alone may bankrupt the network.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00All your new shows, the affiliates won't touch them.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03We have shareholders.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06We can't let you sink the network.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11But we wish you only the best.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35SMALL GASP
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Of course.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49Thank you for being so classy and taking this so well.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Joanna, we just wanted to say that this is so not fair.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Goodbye, everybody!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28All the best!
0:10:32 > 0:10:37Arrghhhhhhhh!
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Jo?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59WHIMPERS
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Ah, Walter...
0:11:01 > 0:11:04What happened?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Well, you've had a complete nervous collapse.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Oh...
0:11:09 > 0:11:14The doctors say there's a lot of work to do, but you'll be just fine.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Oh, and Pete...made this for you.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Oh, that's so sweet!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22And I wanted you to know
0:11:22 > 0:11:28that the minute I heard the news, I called the network and I quit.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- You did that for me?- Of course.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I know I was only a vice-president,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36but I could never work for those people,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38not after the way they treated you.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Oh... Walter...
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Do you remember what today is? It's our anniversary.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Oh... Walter...
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I'm so sorry.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Maybe that man who tried to shoot me,
0:11:59 > 0:12:03maybe he was right. Maybe I've become the wrong kind of woman.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Maybe I've made all the wrong decisions.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Could...could we get away...
0:12:09 > 0:12:12and start over?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14And get it right, our marriage?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- But why are we moving? - To Connecticut?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27We're moving so we can all kick back and have a great new life
0:12:27 > 0:12:29in this beautiful new town.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- Name?- Kresby.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- Welcome to Stepford.- Thanks.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- What do you think, guys?- Cool.- Good.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Honey?
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Hello, everyone!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49I'm Mrs Wellington.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Welcome to Stepford.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I'm with Stepford Realty. We spoke on the phone.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- You must be Walter. - So nice to meet you in person.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- And the little ones! I bet you're Pete.- Duh!- Pete!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04And he's every bit as handsome as his dad.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Thank you.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09And, Kimberly, aren't you just the cutest little bug's ear?!
0:14:09 > 0:14:14- Bugs don't have ears. - Isn't she sassy? And a little sad.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18And this must be Joanna.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Electro-shock? - But she's doing great.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Hello, little Energizer!
0:14:25 > 0:14:29The minute Walter called, I knew this was the perfect house for you.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32It's top of the line here at Stepford Estates
0:14:32 > 0:14:36and it's got everything an American family could ever need.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38And may I present to you...
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Look at this! This is amazing!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42..the Great Room?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I call it cosy.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50And it's also a smart house. This controls the security system.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55DOORS LOCK
0:14:55 > 0:14:56COMPUTER: "All secure."
0:14:56 > 0:14:59It talks to the refrigerator.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01"We need juice, we need juice."
0:15:01 > 0:15:02"We need juice."
0:15:02 > 0:15:05The system also monitors all the commodes.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Where it will test your urine for blood sugar, protein and body fat.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13"Flush toilets." TOILETS FLUSH
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- Isn't that great, kids? - I'm gonna go check my room!- Me too!
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- Now, Walter, will you be commuting? - No.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23SIGHS
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Er, no. Joanna and I both left the network.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- YAPS - Oh, look, it's the puppy!
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Robo-Rover 3000! Come on, boy! Come on, come on!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41DOG YAPS
0:16:46 > 0:16:48CAR HORN
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Joanna!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51The town is over 200 years old.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55It was founded by George Washington and Martha just loved it.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Stepford is Connecticut's family paradise.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01It has no crime, no poverty and no pushing.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07What is that? Up on the hill?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Well, that's our Stepford Men's Association,
0:17:10 > 0:17:15where all our wonderful guys can get together and stay out of our hair.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Am I right?
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- Where do the women go? - To the Simply Stepford day spa.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Good morning, ladies.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- ALL:- Good morning, Claire.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40I would like you all to welcome our newest citizen to Stepford,
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Joanna.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- ALL:- Good morning, Joanna.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- Are we ready to work out? - Oh, yes.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Places and poles, please.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04You work out dressed like this?
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Well, of course.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10Whatever we do, we always want to look our very best.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14I mean, why, imagine, if our husbands saw us in...
0:18:14 > 0:18:16worn, dark, urban sweat clothes
0:18:16 > 0:18:19with stringy hair and almost no make-up.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Now, today you are in for a special treat.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29We are working on a set of exercises which I've personally invented,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31based on simple household tasks.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34I call my programme Claireobics.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Because her name is Claire.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41All right, now it's time to slim and scrub.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- UP-BEAT MUSIC - Let's all be...washing machines.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47And...chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga!
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-choo!
0:18:49 > 0:18:54Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga chugga-chugga-choo!
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Come on, Joanna!
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Spin cycle, ladies!
0:18:59 > 0:19:00And whoosh!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03And whoosh!
0:19:03 > 0:19:04And whoosh!
0:19:04 > 0:19:05And whoosh!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55DOOR OPENS
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Walter?- Hey, how you doing? - How are you?- Walter Kresby!
0:19:58 > 0:20:02I'm Stan Peters. Come on in. Mike said you were coming.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- Nice to see you.- Come on in.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07BAND PLAYS
0:20:07 > 0:20:09TANNOY: "Happy Fourth of July!
0:20:09 > 0:20:14"At 1.30 will be the children's Stars and Stripes face-painting."
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Isn't this great?
0:20:16 > 0:20:19A real, old-fashioned town picnic. Can't get this in Manhattan.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21We'll stay exactly ten minutes.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24We'll make an appearance and get out of here.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28Kids, I'm sorry about all of this, but let's try and have fun.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- Mom, it's a picnic.- Chill.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Go ahead, have fun.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Ten minutes?
0:20:34 > 0:20:38You don't get it. These women are deranged, flight-attendant friendly.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42- They're going to be all over me. - Joanna!
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Here we go.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- Joanna.- Joanna, hi.
0:20:48 > 0:20:54- Hi, Walter.- Hi.- You look great. - I love you in khakis.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58They're new. A little experiment.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Now I know why they call it Banana Republic.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03WOMEN GIGGLE
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Excuse me, excuse me!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Excuse me, ladies. Excuse me.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Excuse me! Excuse me!
0:21:11 > 0:21:16Excuse me! Am I the only one who finds this a little disturbing?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18We are celebrating our nation's birthday,
0:21:18 > 0:21:22with almost no African-Americans, Native Americans, Asian Americans...
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Oh, my God. Hey!
0:21:25 > 0:21:28You're Joanna Eberhart. You got such a raw deal.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Aren't you Bobbie Markowitz? I love your books, especially the last one.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34It was about your relationship with your mother.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I Love You, But Please Die.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Hey, baby! Look what I did!
0:21:40 > 0:21:41WHISTLES
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Happy Fourth of July, everybody.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- Excuse me. Is he bothering you? - Yes. He's my husband.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- Hey, Kresbo-man!- Hey, Dave.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- How do you know each other? - Men's Association.- That place!
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- Did you finish the laundry? - No, I finished a chapter.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Did you make the sandwiches? - Did you?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- Where are the kids?- Kids? - Our kids.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- Are you two OK? - We're fine.- We're fine.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04- Come on, I need a cookie. - See what I mean?
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Jerry, it's a bake sale, an actual bake sale.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10It's like a heavenly diorama at the Smithsonian
0:22:10 > 0:22:12in the Hall of Homemakers.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Oh, no... No, stop it.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Stop it, stop it, stop it.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21- That is not a cobbler?!- Can we reel it in a couple of hundred yards?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23How do you ladies keep your figures?
0:22:23 > 0:22:27- Is there a huge vat of cobbler vomit somewhere?- Roger...- I'm sorry.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30That is...
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Jerry thinks that I overdo everything.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37- Excuse me. Aren't you Roger - Bannister? The amazing architect?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- From The Times? - Thanks. This is Jerry Harmon.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- Hi.- Corporate attorney. - But he's getting help.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- Stop it!- You stop it.- We're new.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Oh, my God, Joanna Eberhart!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- I love the shows.- Oh, thank you.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Bobbie Markowitz. Love the books.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Jerry, how did this happen? Where did you come from?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I mean, right here in Stepford - people!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01"Attention, attention, Fourth of July funsters!"
0:23:01 > 0:23:04"Grab your partners!"
0:23:04 > 0:23:09"It's time for some sizzling Stepford square-dancing! Come on!"
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- Square dance? - Cow girls?- We're in hell.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Yee-ha! Come on, Bobbie.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17HOEDOWN MUSIC
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Howdy!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28ALL: Howdy!
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Ready to kick up your heels for some barn-rustic high-stepping?
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- ALL:- Yee-ha!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Bow to your partners, low as you can!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Bow.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Stepford gals love their men!
0:23:47 > 0:23:49All the men left, all the men right!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Rope that filly, she won't bite!
0:23:54 > 0:23:56All join hands and circle sweet!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Please your cowboy with your feet.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Nice shirt, Stan!
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Yahoo!
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Yippy-ki-yay! Yippy-ki-yay! Yippy-ki-yay! Yippy-ki-yay!
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- Yippy-ki-yay!- Honey?- Yippy-ki-yay!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- Yippy-ki-yay! Yippy-ki-yay! - Calm down, baby.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Do-si-do! Do-si-do! Do-si-do!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- HIGH-PITCHED:- Do-si-do! Do-si-do! Do-si-do!
0:24:46 > 0:24:48SHOES SCREECH
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Jesus...
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Do-do-si-do! Do-si-do!
0:24:52 > 0:24:56- Excuse me!- It's OK!
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Excuse me!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00All right, OK. Don't try to move her.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04- She's drunk.- She's blonde.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08- Jo, you're not a doctor.- Walter, I can take care of it. I ran a network.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10- Somebody call 911. - Mike's here.- Mike...
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Mike!
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Do-si-do... Do-si-do... Do-si-do...
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Mike...- It's OK. I'm here.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- Walter, the Mrs.- Jo!
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- Walter, what is wrong? - Excuse me.- Stand right back.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Hey! Er, excuse...
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I can't...
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Exc...
0:25:33 > 0:25:35ELECTRICAL SPARKING What was that?
0:25:35 > 0:25:40Herb, Dave, give me a hand and we'll get Sarah right into my Hummer.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44- Your Hummer? - It's a sweet ride.- It's roomy.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47We need an ambulance. You shouldn't be moving her.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Sh-she might need oxygen. BAND STRIKES UP
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- Everything isn't always about you. - Walter...
0:25:54 > 0:25:58She'll be fine. It's... It's too much sun. She's dehydrated.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Dehydrated? Are you crazy?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Jo! I'm sorry about this, Mike.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Joanna, Joanna!
0:26:05 > 0:26:09This is a very special moment. I would like you to meet...
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- Mike Wellington.- My husband.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Oh.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17The famous Joanna. You're even prettier than in the newspapers.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Excuse me. That woman is very sick. I should be going with her.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24She'll get all the help she needs. Trust me, little lady.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34That woman had a seizure and she was practically levitating.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I have told you five million times! I phoned Herb.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42He said that Sarah is fine. She just needed some fluids, like Mike said.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- She was sparking, Walter. - She was dancing.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Then why wasn't there a doctor anywhere? And why...
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Grr!
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Why...
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Walter!
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Why did everyone just automatically listen to that Mike person?
0:26:58 > 0:27:02- Why did they just stand there?!- You mean, why didn't they listen to you?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04That's not what I'm saying!
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- Jesus Christ, Joanna!- What?
0:27:07 > 0:27:11You were fired, the kids barely know you, our marriage is falling apart!
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Shh!
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Your attitude makes people want to kill you.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17It makes people try to kill you.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18That's why we're here.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22The people in this town have been nothing but friendly and welcoming
0:27:22 > 0:27:24and wonderful to you.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27And you've been nothing but snide and suspicious.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30And at the picnic, you humiliated me. I can't do it any more.
0:27:30 > 0:27:35I can't keep fighting you for every inch of everything. Game over.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Marriage over.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38No!
0:27:38 > 0:27:39No...
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- No what? - Please don't go.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- Why not?- Because you're right.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Wait, I'm sorry. I don't think I heard. What'd you just say?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55I said you're right.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57About?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59About everything.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Oh... About me.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32You know why I signed on at the network?
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Cos I thought if I was around, I could help you lighten up.
0:28:37 > 0:28:44- You did?- Yeah, I did. What was that show called? I Can Do Everybody.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47See, that's what I mean. I wanted to make you laugh.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51That's so sweet, but I...
0:28:53 > 0:28:57I was busy, I was... I was running a network, Walter.
0:28:59 > 0:29:03- You were so busy that we haven't made love in over a year.- I know.
0:29:03 > 0:29:05Well, I miss you.
0:29:05 > 0:29:09But I've always loved you... so much.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12I... You know that.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Why?
0:29:16 > 0:29:17Because.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20Because...
0:29:20 > 0:29:23you're goofy and you're...you're handsome,
0:29:23 > 0:29:27and you're, you're... you're my Walter.
0:29:30 > 0:29:32And because when you play computer chess,
0:29:32 > 0:29:36you do that little victory dance.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- I do not!- Yes, you do!
0:29:39 > 0:29:41No, I don't.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43Mm-hm.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48Oh, but if I'm not the smartest
0:29:48 > 0:29:51and the best of the best and the most successful,
0:29:51 > 0:29:54then, I don't know, who am I?
0:29:54 > 0:29:56You want to find out?
0:29:58 > 0:29:59How?
0:29:59 > 0:30:04First of all, we're in the country now, so no more black.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06- No more black? Are you insane? - You heard me.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating,
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Manhattan career bitches wear black.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14- Is that what you want to be? - Ever since I was a little girl.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22Do I really look OK?
0:30:24 > 0:30:26- Can I be honest?- Mm-hm.
0:30:26 > 0:30:30- You look kinda like Betty Crocker. - I know.- At Betty Ford.
0:30:30 > 0:30:32"We need milk, we need milk."
0:30:32 > 0:30:33Thank you.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36I'm trying to make an effort to change.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38Last night my husband was a different person.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41He was strong, he was forceful, he was commanding.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43Like your refrigerator.
0:30:43 > 0:30:48Nobody said it would be easy being a homemaker and a stay-at-home mom.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50It's the toughest job in the world, right?
0:30:50 > 0:30:54That may be, but these Stepford women are a whole other dimension.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57Like yesterday, that poor lady, Sarah Sunderson.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59Walter said she's fine.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02- You said she was shooting off sparks from her ears.- The first sign.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05- Of what?- Cheap jewellery.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08- We should go see her.- Why?
0:31:08 > 0:31:11We need to be supportive. That's how people behave outside of Manhattan.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13They care about each other.
0:31:13 > 0:31:17In New York if one of your neighbours got sick, what would you do?
0:31:17 > 0:31:20- We'd call her.- To see if she was gonna die.- To get the apartment.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23Let's go. Up, up! Up!
0:31:25 > 0:31:27Sarah!
0:31:27 > 0:31:29Yoo-hoo!
0:31:29 > 0:31:31Yoo-hoo?
0:31:31 > 0:31:33- Is she in there? - What are you doing?- It's open.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36- That's amazing. It's so sweet. - And so trusting.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Roger... Look at this place.
0:31:47 > 0:31:48Sarah!
0:31:48 > 0:31:51Sarah?
0:31:51 > 0:31:53LOVEMAKING UPSTAIRS
0:31:54 > 0:31:56Roger!
0:31:59 > 0:32:03- SARAH:- Oh, Herb! Oh!
0:32:03 > 0:32:04Oh! Oh, yes!
0:32:04 > 0:32:07Oh, yes! Oh, make me...
0:32:07 > 0:32:10SHRIEKS IN PLEASURE
0:32:10 > 0:32:12I'm so lucky!
0:32:12 > 0:32:14- Oh, my God.- Is that a DVD?
0:32:14 > 0:32:16No, it's them.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19SHRIEKS CONTINUE
0:32:19 > 0:32:21You're the king!
0:32:21 > 0:32:23BEDSPRINGS POUND
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Yes! Oh, oh! Oh!
0:32:25 > 0:32:34LONG-DRAWN-OUT HOWL
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Oh...
0:32:38 > 0:32:41- I'm going up there.- Why?
0:32:41 > 0:32:43- Roger?- I want some.- Roger!
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Roger...
0:32:47 > 0:32:48Shh!
0:32:52 > 0:32:54- HERB:- Baby, grab me some nachos.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Yes, dear.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03What's this?
0:33:04 > 0:33:07- Roger, put it down. - What? Oh, come on.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10- Roger...- Why does it say "Sarah?" - Roger...
0:33:10 > 0:33:14- Roger, put it down.- This isn't our house.- Would you just quit?
0:33:16 > 0:33:20We're trespassing. We have to get out of here.
0:33:23 > 0:33:25CLUNK
0:33:29 > 0:33:31GIGGLING
0:33:41 > 0:33:44I'm so embarrassed! Boy, am I famished!
0:33:49 > 0:33:52- Bobbie...- Yeah?
0:33:52 > 0:33:56- Are you making anthrax?- Excuse me? I've been busy. My new book.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59Can't you hire someone to clean? Someone brave.
0:33:59 > 0:34:03Dave says I gotta do it. Like Sarah Sunderson. Could you believe her?
0:34:03 > 0:34:05But her home is spotless.
0:34:05 > 0:34:10And she's having incredible sex in the day with her husband.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12Well, my shrink says I need creative chaos.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14My therapist says I need boundaries.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17My doctor said I need enough electricity to jump-start Vegas.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20- Ooh! You ever done Zoloft? - Oh, kids' stuff.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23Xanax. I worship Xanax. I'm old-fashioned.
0:34:23 > 0:34:27I like Prozac with a Viagra chaser. You're up...and you're up!
0:34:27 > 0:34:29Oh, Roger...
0:34:29 > 0:34:31Viagra!
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Hey, is there something that you need to tell us?
0:34:34 > 0:34:35Well...
0:34:35 > 0:34:37- Sharing...- Mm-hm.
0:34:37 > 0:34:39OK. OK.
0:34:42 > 0:34:46Jerry and I have been in couples' counselling, for over a year.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49And finally, finally I just couldn't take it any more.
0:34:49 > 0:34:52I howled, "You've become a gay Republican!"
0:34:52 > 0:34:55And he said, "What's wrong with that?"
0:34:55 > 0:34:57I said, "What's wrong with it?"
0:34:57 > 0:35:01- "It's like wanting to be gay with a bad haircut."- Exactly.
0:35:01 > 0:35:05So, the counsellor suggested we move to the 'burbs to find a balance.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07We moved here as a last resort.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10Court order. Don't ask.
0:35:10 > 0:35:11OK.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13I know this is unthinkable,
0:35:13 > 0:35:17but what if we could actually learn how to be happy?
0:35:17 > 0:35:20Without Paxil.
0:35:20 > 0:35:21Or compulsive overeating.
0:35:21 > 0:35:26What if we gave this whole thing a try for real? The Stepford thing.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33MEN SHOUTING AND CHEERING
0:35:44 > 0:35:45Hey, yeah!
0:35:45 > 0:35:48Only one can survive!
0:35:48 > 0:35:51- CHANTING:- Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus!
0:35:51 > 0:35:55Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus!
0:35:55 > 0:35:58- Get that lady!- Rip her bra off!
0:36:00 > 0:36:02- Yeah! - CHEERING
0:36:02 > 0:36:05Zeus rules the universe!
0:36:07 > 0:36:11And Ted owes Walter 20 big ones!
0:36:13 > 0:36:15- Ah, to be a man!- Whoo!
0:36:18 > 0:36:23So, Walt, you and Stepford, it seems like a real match.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25I'll say!
0:36:25 > 0:36:29I mean, the town and the houses... and this place.
0:36:29 > 0:36:34It's like a dream. It's like... Like the way life was meant to be.
0:36:34 > 0:36:38And all of your wives... Oh, my God.
0:36:38 > 0:36:39Oh, my God...
0:36:39 > 0:36:42They're so...so, um...
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Sweet?
0:36:44 > 0:36:46Sizzling?
0:36:46 > 0:36:47Superfine?
0:36:47 > 0:36:49LAUGHTER
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Well...
0:37:12 > 0:37:14We are all so thrilled to be here
0:37:14 > 0:37:16at the Stepford book club, I can't tell you.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21Now, I have just finished the third volume
0:37:21 > 0:37:24of Robert Caro's Life of Lyndon Johnson.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27And I am dying for the next instalment.
0:37:29 > 0:37:33Well...that's all marvellous.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35But today we are going to discuss
0:37:35 > 0:37:40probably THE most important book any of us will ever read.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Yes, it is provocative, but it is also inspiring.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47The Heritage Hills special edition,
0:37:47 > 0:37:50golden, deluxe Treasury of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectables.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53WOMEN SHRIEK
0:38:01 > 0:38:07This book said to me, "Celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus with yarn."
0:38:07 > 0:38:08ALL SIGH
0:38:08 > 0:38:11Bobbie, we realise you're probably feeling uncomfortable
0:38:11 > 0:38:16with this book because you're... What's the word I'm looking for?
0:38:16 > 0:38:18- New?- Scared?- Cranky?
0:38:18 > 0:38:20Jewish.
0:38:20 > 0:38:21Same thing.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24But the Heritage Hills series is very inclusive.
0:38:24 > 0:38:28In fact, there is a whole chapter about Hanukkah.
0:38:28 > 0:38:29WOMEN: Oh...
0:38:29 > 0:38:33I love the chapter on pine cones. They're not just for centrepieces.
0:38:33 > 0:38:37You can use pine cones to create a very special yuletide menorah.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41Your pine cone snowman could be Jewish. Add one of those beanies.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43Or maybe I could just use hundreds of pine cones
0:38:43 > 0:38:47to spell out the words "Big Jew" in letters 15 feet tall
0:38:47 > 0:38:50in the snow in my front yard.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55That's a wonderful idea!
0:38:55 > 0:38:57WOMEN LAUGH
0:39:02 > 0:39:05I love the idea of creating a life-size Santa out of pine cones.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07OK, I love that.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11I'm going to use a pine cone in my nativity as the baby Jesus.
0:39:11 > 0:39:16And I'm going to attach a pine cone to my vibrator and have a REALLY merry Christmas.
0:39:17 > 0:39:18Oh.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22# Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus
0:39:22 > 0:39:24# Right down Santa Claus Lane
0:39:24 > 0:39:28# He's got a bag that is filled with toys for the boys and girls again
0:39:28 > 0:39:32# Hear those sleigh bells jingle-jangle, what a beautiful sight
0:39:32 > 0:39:36# So jump in bed, cover up your head cos Santa Claus comes tonight
0:39:36 > 0:39:38# Santa Claus comes tonight! #
0:39:40 > 0:39:42Joanna - how's she fitting in?
0:39:42 > 0:39:44Well...
0:39:45 > 0:39:49OK... I'm among friends, right?
0:39:49 > 0:39:50Yeah.
0:39:50 > 0:39:55So... Joanna and I had this big talk.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59We were really open with each other. I mean, we really got it all out.
0:40:00 > 0:40:06And I think from now on...she's going to be very, very different.
0:40:10 > 0:40:14You think Joanna's really going to change?
0:40:14 > 0:40:17Yes. I do. Absolutely.
0:40:17 > 0:40:22- And how long have you been married? - LAUGHTER
0:40:29 > 0:40:33- Ted!- Yes? - Don't you owe Walter 20?
0:40:39 > 0:40:41That's absolutely right. I do.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43Babe!
0:40:44 > 0:40:46FOOTSTEPS
0:40:52 > 0:40:53Yes, darling?
0:40:53 > 0:40:56Walt, sit down.
0:41:00 > 0:41:04- I need 20. You know my PIN? - Of course.
0:41:07 > 0:41:08BEEP
0:41:08 > 0:41:11BEEPS
0:41:12 > 0:41:14WHIRRS
0:41:17 > 0:41:19CLUNK
0:41:52 > 0:41:54She gives singles!
0:41:58 > 0:42:00LAUGHTER
0:42:10 > 0:42:12BEEP
0:42:17 > 0:42:18PING!
0:42:25 > 0:42:29- Are these all for day camp tomorrow? - I just want you to be proud of me.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31ROBO-ROVER YAPS
0:42:31 > 0:42:33Dad, watch this.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35Ball!
0:42:35 > 0:42:36SQUEAK, SQUEAK!
0:42:37 > 0:42:40- Aren't robots cool? - SQUEAK!
0:42:40 > 0:42:41Oh, yeah.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44May I speak to the man of the house?
0:42:44 > 0:42:46Funkmaster Markowitz!
0:42:46 > 0:42:48Stone-cold thriller-killer Kresbo!
0:42:48 > 0:42:50Cupcakes, anyone?
0:42:50 > 0:42:54Cupcakes? Right on time! Jo, these are smokin'.
0:42:54 > 0:42:59- Why don't you make stuff?- Why don't you?- Because I have a penis.
0:42:59 > 0:43:04- We should get moving.- Yeah, we got a meeting. At the Men's Association.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06When will you be home, honey?
0:43:10 > 0:43:12When I'm home.
0:43:31 > 0:43:33Call a sitter!
0:43:41 > 0:43:43Bobbie, are you sure about this?
0:43:43 > 0:43:46We're not spying. We're just visiting.
0:43:46 > 0:43:51Fellas, I can't tell you how happy we are to welcome this new blood.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55I love... LOVE this space.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58It's very Ralph Lauren meets Sherlock Holmes.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01- It says, "I have taste AND a scrotum."- Roger, you promised!
0:44:01 > 0:44:03- What?- Whore!- Bore!
0:44:03 > 0:44:04Sorry.
0:44:04 > 0:44:08Jerry, you're going to find that Stepford is very open-minded.
0:44:08 > 0:44:12We welcome you and your partner just like any other couple.
0:44:12 > 0:44:14- Absolutely!- That's right.
0:44:14 > 0:44:15Girlfriend!
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Miss-Miss Thing!
0:44:21 > 0:44:23- To Stepford! - ALL: Stepford!
0:44:33 > 0:44:35Damn! Come on, let's go.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38You think this is all right, sneaking around?
0:44:38 > 0:44:42All the women around here are perfect sex-kitten bimbos.
0:44:42 > 0:44:47All the men are drooling nerds. Doesn't that seem strange?
0:44:47 > 0:44:52- Not to me.- Why not? - I work in television.- Oh, come on.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56Walter, I think Joanna's right. Stepford is the answer.
0:44:56 > 0:45:01- She's a great gal.- Or she will be. - THUD!
0:45:02 > 0:45:07- Ow! Come on, help me up! - We shouldn't be here.
0:45:07 > 0:45:10Come on. Don't be such a chicken.
0:45:10 > 0:45:14- I should be home with my cupcakes. - Why?
0:45:14 > 0:45:18- Because you only made 5,000 of them? - We're trespassing.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21Only if we get caught.
0:45:21 > 0:45:27- Damn, I can't see a thing. There's the light there.- No, Bobbie!
0:45:42 > 0:45:45It's like some alien freak show.
0:45:45 > 0:45:50- Why? They're just family portraits. - Yeah, that's what I said.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52FOOTSTEPS
0:45:52 > 0:45:54The lights!
0:45:57 > 0:46:01- We should get out of here. - Ssh!
0:46:03 > 0:46:05- Should we run? - Ssh!
0:46:10 > 0:46:12Oh, my God!
0:46:16 > 0:46:18FLOORBOARDS SQUEAK
0:46:44 > 0:46:47- AS HANNIBAL LECTER:- Clarice?
0:46:47 > 0:46:49- Hi, girls. - Roger!
0:46:49 > 0:46:53- You scared us.- What are you doing here?- What's going on?
0:46:53 > 0:46:56Do they have hookers, or old Playboys, or cable porn?
0:46:56 > 0:46:59Oh, please! They barely have throw pillows!
0:46:59 > 0:47:01- FOOTSTEPS - They're coming!- The menfolk.
0:47:02 > 0:47:05- Call us. - OK.
0:47:05 > 0:47:07Rog.
0:47:08 > 0:47:11What was it? Did you see anyone?
0:47:11 > 0:47:16Not a soul. But what's back here anyway, in all of these rooms?
0:47:16 > 0:47:19Storage? Sweaters? Bodies?
0:47:19 > 0:47:25- Tell him.- D'you see that door on your left? Check it out.
0:47:25 > 0:47:26Oh, boy!
0:47:30 > 0:47:34- I can't see anything. It's dark. - Use your flashlight.
0:47:34 > 0:47:39Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the Mystery of the Midlife Crisis.
0:47:44 > 0:47:48- Hm. What am I looking for? - Look down.
0:47:48 > 0:47:50MECHANICAL WHIRR
0:47:57 > 0:47:59Oh...
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Jerry?
0:48:07 > 0:48:09Roger!
0:48:11 > 0:48:13- Roger!- Bobbie.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15Roger!
0:48:15 > 0:48:17- Bobbie! - Roger!
0:48:18 > 0:48:23Roger said there was nothing going on at the Men's Association.
0:48:23 > 0:48:25- Then why doesn't he answer the phone?- Bobbie?- It's been two days.
0:48:25 > 0:48:29Roger! Roger!
0:48:33 > 0:48:38Isn't that his favourite shirt? The Dolce and Gabbana?
0:48:42 > 0:48:45The Guccis. And the Versace.
0:48:45 > 0:48:48- Maybe he's donating them? - To what? The gay homeless?
0:48:48 > 0:48:52- He loved this. - His programme from Hairspray.
0:48:55 > 0:48:58- Oh, my God! - What is it?
0:48:58 > 0:49:01Viggo.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04MARCHING BAND PLAYS
0:49:14 > 0:49:16APPLAUSE
0:49:16 > 0:49:19Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jerry Harmon.
0:49:19 > 0:49:23I know I'm pretty new here but I feel so at home.
0:49:23 > 0:49:26Why did Jerry ask us to meet him here?
0:49:26 > 0:49:31..proud I can introduce Stepford's brand-new candidate for
0:49:31 > 0:49:35state senate, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr Roger Bannister!
0:49:35 > 0:49:37What? WILD CHEERING
0:49:54 > 0:49:56Thank you. Thank you so much.
0:49:56 > 0:50:01You may very well ask, what are my qualifications for higher office?
0:50:01 > 0:50:06Well, I believe in Stepford, America, and the power of prayer.
0:50:06 > 0:50:11Values I've discovered thanks to my partner, in life and in the Lord,
0:50:11 > 0:50:14- Jerry Harmon. - CHEERING
0:50:17 > 0:50:20- Roger. Roger!- Yes, is there a question? Mrs Markowitz?
0:50:20 > 0:50:24So, you two are happy now?
0:50:24 > 0:50:28More than ever. Because now I know that being gay doesn't mean a guy
0:50:28 > 0:50:32has to be effeminate or flamboyant or sensitive. I'm no sissy.
0:50:32 > 0:50:33I know!
0:50:35 > 0:50:38- Roger! - Yes, Mrs Walter Kresby?
0:50:38 > 0:50:42Roger, I don't understand. You were out there, you were Roger,
0:50:42 > 0:50:45and now you're different. Your hair, your clothes - like someone else.
0:50:45 > 0:50:47People change.
0:50:47 > 0:50:51You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford.
0:50:51 > 0:50:54WILD APPLAUSE AND ALL CHANT
0:50:59 > 0:51:03You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford!
0:51:17 > 0:51:20So that's why we have to leave Stepford? I'm not following.
0:51:20 > 0:51:26OK. Before, Roger was witty and stylish and ironic.
0:51:26 > 0:51:28And I'm sure he still is.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30Now he's making speeches in a Brooks Brothers' suit!
0:51:30 > 0:51:32Hey, there's lots of ways to be gay.
0:51:32 > 0:51:36- Don't try to make him into a stereotype.- Ohh!
0:51:36 > 0:51:39Bobbie is right, and she's leaving, too.
0:51:39 > 0:51:41This place does something to people.
0:51:41 > 0:51:46All of the women are busy and perfect and smiling,
0:51:46 > 0:51:49- and all of the men are always happy. - That's a problem, because...?
0:51:49 > 0:51:53Because it's not normal, Walter!
0:51:53 > 0:51:57It's... It's not the world, it's not us.
0:51:57 > 0:52:03I'm picking up our kids from camp now and we're getting outta here.
0:52:03 > 0:52:05With or without you.
0:52:24 > 0:52:27- "Secure."- Argh!
0:52:27 > 0:52:31You'll never change, will you? Not really.
0:52:31 > 0:52:33Open the door.
0:52:40 > 0:52:42"Unlock front."
0:52:42 > 0:52:44And you're right.
0:52:48 > 0:52:49About what?
0:52:50 > 0:52:55If you're that unhappy, then we should move.
0:52:55 > 0:53:00Maybe head back to the city. We could leave tomorrow.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04Thank you.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07DEEP SIGH
0:53:07 > 0:53:09Thank you.
0:53:13 > 0:53:15Mm.
0:53:24 > 0:53:26DOG WHINES
0:53:30 > 0:53:32DOG WHIMPERS
0:53:42 > 0:53:45What ya got there? Huh?
0:54:47 > 0:54:49WHIMPERS
0:54:55 > 0:54:57- Sweet cakes. - GASPS
0:54:57 > 0:55:00It's 4am. What are you up to?
0:55:00 > 0:55:04- Just recipes for tomorrow. I like to get a head start.- On what?
0:55:04 > 0:55:09Apple pie. Bobbie recommended it. I'll be right up.
0:55:11 > 0:55:13Walter?
0:55:14 > 0:55:16Babe.
0:55:38 > 0:55:40Bobbie!
0:55:40 > 0:55:42Bobbie...!
0:55:44 > 0:55:46Oh, my God!
0:55:55 > 0:55:57Bobbie?
0:56:11 > 0:56:13Good morning, Joanna.
0:56:16 > 0:56:19Isn't it a lovely morning?
0:56:20 > 0:56:23- That's a pretty colour. - Argh!
0:56:23 > 0:56:26Good morning, my precious ones.
0:56:26 > 0:56:29Thank you for leaving your requests on my e-mail.
0:56:29 > 0:56:32Adam, you wanted peanut butter and jelly, no crusts,
0:56:32 > 0:56:35a Snickers bar and a Rolex.
0:56:35 > 0:56:38Ben, here's a whole-wheat burrito, a soya protein shake
0:56:38 > 0:56:42- and three pieces of German chocolate layer cake.- From scratch?- Of course.
0:56:42 > 0:56:46Max, bacon, lettuce and tomato on a lightly toasted sesame seed bagel.
0:56:46 > 0:56:50- But what about my action figures? - There's Mace Windu and Amidala.
0:56:50 > 0:56:56- Where's Boba Fett?- They were out. - Mom!- Here's 500.
0:56:56 > 0:56:58- All right! - ALL: Bye, Mom.
0:57:00 > 0:57:03They grow up so fast. I think I'll have three more.
0:57:03 > 0:57:07Bobbie, listen. What have they done to you?
0:57:07 > 0:57:10Is it drugs? Is it brainwashing?
0:57:10 > 0:57:13- Come on. Talk to me! - Of course, but only for a minute.
0:57:13 > 0:57:18- Then I have to get to work on this pigsty. Coffee?- No, no coffee.
0:57:18 > 0:57:20Bobbie, last night I went online
0:57:20 > 0:57:23and found out all of the women here used to be big deals.
0:57:23 > 0:57:25I mean BIG deals.
0:57:25 > 0:57:29CEOs, executives, judges. Sarah Sunderson used to run an airline.
0:57:29 > 0:57:33- GASPS:- With that perfect skin? - No!
0:57:33 > 0:57:37- She didn't used to look like that. None of the woman did.- Coffee?- No!
0:57:37 > 0:57:42No coffee! Bobbie... Bobbie...
0:57:42 > 0:57:49- This isn't you.- That's right, Joanna, this isn't me. It's a whole new me.
0:57:49 > 0:57:51I'm happy and I'm healthy
0:57:51 > 0:57:54- because I understand what's important in life.- Yes.
0:57:54 > 0:57:58- Your new book.- That's right, that's what's important. My new cookbook,
0:57:58 > 0:58:01and my husband and family and making a perfect home.
0:58:01 > 0:58:05It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you.
0:58:05 > 0:58:09I'm your friend, Joanna. I'm going to help you. You need me.
0:58:09 > 0:58:11Stay away from me! GLASS SMASHES
0:58:11 > 0:58:15- You're driven.- Sometimes.- You're selfish. You wanna rule the world.
0:58:15 > 0:58:17No!
0:58:17 > 0:58:22- I can fix you. I can change you. - What...
0:58:22 > 0:58:24have they done to you?
0:58:25 > 0:58:27Let's get busy.
0:58:28 > 0:58:30Answer the phone!
0:58:31 > 0:58:35Hello. Is... Is this the day camp?
0:58:35 > 0:58:39Oh, yes, this is Joanna Eberhart. I would like to speak to my children.
0:58:39 > 0:58:42I'm coming to pick them up right now.
0:58:44 > 0:58:46What?
0:58:50 > 0:58:52Walter!
0:58:52 > 0:58:57Walter, where are you? I know you've got the kids!
0:58:57 > 0:58:58Pete! Kimberly!
0:59:05 > 0:59:07TYRES SCREECH
0:59:54 > 0:59:56THUNDERCLAP
0:59:59 > 1:00:01Oh, boys!
1:00:03 > 1:00:06- Welcome. - THUNDERCLAP
1:00:20 > 1:00:23- Where are my children? - They're perfectly safe.
1:00:23 > 1:00:27- Where are my children?! - You'll see them soon.
1:00:27 > 1:00:29Where's Walter?
1:00:34 > 1:00:37Oh, how could you do this?
1:00:37 > 1:00:42Ever since we met, you've beaten me at everything.
1:00:42 > 1:00:45You're better educated, you're stronger, you're faster,
1:00:45 > 1:00:48you're a better dancer, a better tennis player.
1:00:48 > 1:00:53You've always earned six figures, more than I could ever dream of.
1:00:53 > 1:00:56You're a better speaker, a better executive.
1:00:56 > 1:01:02- You're even better at sex. Don't deny it.- I wasn't going to.
1:01:02 > 1:01:05- Don't I get anything?- You got me.
1:01:05 > 1:01:08No, I got to hold your purse.
1:01:08 > 1:01:11I got to tell the kids you'd be late again.
1:01:11 > 1:01:15I got to tell the press you had no comment. I got to work for you.
1:01:15 > 1:01:19- WITH me. - Under you! All of us -
1:01:19 > 1:01:23we married wonder women! Supergirls!
1:01:24 > 1:01:31- Amazon queens! D'you know what that makes us?- Smart. Worthy. Lucky.
1:01:31 > 1:01:37We're the wuss, the wind beneath your wings, your support system.
1:01:37 > 1:01:42- We're the girl.- And we don't like it.- No, we don't!- ALL: Yeah!
1:01:42 > 1:01:46- Is this your answer? To kill us? - No, nothing like that. We help you,
1:01:46 > 1:01:49- we perfect you. - By turning us into robots?
1:01:49 > 1:01:53- Does any fraction of these women still exist?- Of course.
1:01:53 > 1:01:58- Almost everything. Show her. - Show me what?
1:01:58 > 1:02:02It's a promotional thing I've been working on for when we go global.
1:02:04 > 1:02:06Walt, I don't think you've seen this.
1:02:18 > 1:02:22Some guys ask, how do we do it?
1:02:22 > 1:02:26In layman's terms, it's really pretty simple. Come on along.
1:02:33 > 1:02:36First we take a gloomy, dissatisfied woman,
1:02:36 > 1:02:41then, in a very private experience between husband and wife,
1:02:41 > 1:02:46he gently places her in our Female Improvement System.
1:02:46 > 1:02:49It's fully automated.
1:02:49 > 1:02:53And then, abracadabra. The transformation begins.
1:02:53 > 1:02:56First, we locate her brain.
1:02:56 > 1:03:01We insert a few nano chips, then we programme them.
1:03:01 > 1:03:06Also, we add some secret special ingredients.
1:03:08 > 1:03:13To avoid any accidents, the husband is kept at a comfortable distance.
1:03:13 > 1:03:15Safety first!
1:03:18 > 1:03:24Finally, we enhance her to fit the ideal Stepford Wife specifications.
1:03:26 > 1:03:28And...voila!
1:03:32 > 1:03:34Everything is copasetic.
1:03:37 > 1:03:39Welcome to the future.
1:03:44 > 1:03:46- It's a painting again. - What?
1:03:48 > 1:03:52I should explain. You see, my real name isn't Mike.
1:03:52 > 1:03:57- It's just a nickname from where I used to work.- Where?- Microsoft.
1:03:57 > 1:04:00- NASA. - Disney.
1:04:00 > 1:04:04- AOL.- Is that why the women are so slow?- Joanna.
1:04:04 > 1:04:10Is this what you really want? Women who behave like slaves?
1:04:10 > 1:04:16Women who are obsessed with cleaning their kitchens and doing their hair?
1:04:16 > 1:04:18Women who never challenge you in any way?
1:04:18 > 1:04:23- Women who exist only to wait on you hand and foot? ALL:- Yeah.
1:04:23 > 1:04:26You're a brilliant woman. Surely you can appreciate, at the very least,
1:04:26 > 1:04:29the genius of the concept? Picture it.
1:04:29 > 1:04:31If you could streamline your spouse,
1:04:31 > 1:04:36if you could overhaul every annoying habit, every physical flaw,
1:04:36 > 1:04:42every moment of whining and nagging and farting in bed, imagine if you
1:04:42 > 1:04:46could enjoy the person you love but only at their very best.
1:04:48 > 1:04:54And the only reason for your anger, your resentment, your rage,
1:04:54 > 1:04:55is really very simple.
1:04:55 > 1:04:59You're furious because we thought of it first.
1:04:59 > 1:05:04While you were trying to become men, we decided to become gods.
1:05:04 > 1:05:08Let me ask you something. These machines, these Stepford Wives,
1:05:08 > 1:05:15- can they say "I love you"?- Mike? - Of course. In 58 languages.
1:05:17 > 1:05:19But do they mean it?
1:05:47 > 1:05:49Enjoy.
1:06:16 > 1:06:18GASPS
1:06:24 > 1:06:26Walter?
1:06:46 > 1:06:49Walt?
1:06:59 > 1:07:01Joanna, over here.
1:07:18 > 1:07:20MECHANICAL WHIRR
1:07:40 > 1:07:42PIPED MUSIC PLAYS
1:07:45 > 1:07:47- Sarah. - Claire.
1:07:55 > 1:07:57- Mary Ann. - Charmaine.
1:08:02 > 1:08:04- Roger. - Roberta.
1:08:41 > 1:08:43GENERAL CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
1:08:43 > 1:08:45WHISTLING AND CHEERING
1:08:59 > 1:09:01Good evening, everyone.
1:09:01 > 1:09:07What a delight to see our wonderful wives and their happy husbands.
1:09:07 > 1:09:10Tonight's truly the highlight of our year
1:09:10 > 1:09:14because tonight we honour our very newest citizens of Stepford.
1:09:14 > 1:09:18In my opinion, they are the cream of the crop.
1:09:18 > 1:09:23A couple that proudly proclaims Stepford - the American way of love.
1:09:23 > 1:09:25GENERAL APPLAUSE
1:09:50 > 1:09:53Now,
1:09:53 > 1:09:57I'd like to ask my wonderful woman, my lovely wife, bride, best friend,
1:09:57 > 1:10:03- to join me in a glorious midsummer night's waltz.- ALL: Ahh!
1:10:15 > 1:10:17WALTZ PLAYS
1:10:51 > 1:10:54- Is everything perfect? - Everything.
1:10:56 > 1:10:59- Mike.- Walt. - Darling.
1:11:00 > 1:11:03- My pleasure. - It's an honour.
1:11:06 > 1:11:08- Champagne? - Allow me.
1:11:27 > 1:11:29ALARM SOUNDS
1:11:29 > 1:11:34"Doors activate. Welcome, member 1956. Kresby, Walter."
1:11:35 > 1:11:37BUZZER
1:11:43 > 1:11:45"Entering secure area."
1:12:11 > 1:12:13BUZZER
1:12:33 > 1:12:35"Warning! Warning!"
1:12:38 > 1:12:40"Initiating."
1:12:52 > 1:12:55So, Joanna, are you enjoying Stepford?
1:12:55 > 1:13:00Oh, yes. The town is so splendid. Everyone is so kind.
1:13:02 > 1:13:05And then, of course, there's you.
1:13:07 > 1:13:09Me?
1:13:13 > 1:13:15THE CHA-CHA PLAYS
1:13:17 > 1:13:22- It's simple, really. Honey, grab me another Scotch.- Right away, dear.
1:13:27 > 1:13:30"Begin nano reversal."
1:13:30 > 1:13:32"Begin nano reversal."
1:13:37 > 1:13:40"Nano reversal completed."
1:13:41 > 1:13:43GASPS
1:13:43 > 1:13:45"Deleting Stepford programme."
1:13:45 > 1:13:47Argh!
1:13:47 > 1:13:49COMPUTER WHIRRS AND STOPS
1:13:56 > 1:13:58"Files corrupted."
1:13:58 > 1:14:00"Deleting vacuuming functions."
1:14:06 > 1:14:08- Honey? - Oh, Herbert!
1:14:12 > 1:14:14GLASS SHATTERS
1:14:18 > 1:14:20What is this?
1:14:28 > 1:14:30What am I wearing?
1:14:43 > 1:14:45Mike! Mike! There's something...
1:14:47 > 1:14:50..unspeakable going on in the ballroom.
1:14:50 > 1:14:54You have to come right now! It's an apocalypse.
1:15:00 > 1:15:03ALL SHOUT AT ONCE
1:15:03 > 1:15:07- What did you do to us?! - MEN: Mike! Mike!
1:15:10 > 1:15:13Men, control your wives! Control your wives!
1:15:15 > 1:15:18It's not working! It's not working!
1:15:23 > 1:15:26This is not Stepford!
1:15:26 > 1:15:28Mike.
1:15:28 > 1:15:31Mike, what's happening?
1:15:31 > 1:15:35I was in the garden, dreaming of your smile and your aftershave.
1:15:35 > 1:15:38Then I realised, ohh...
1:15:38 > 1:15:41I can do better.
1:15:52 > 1:15:54- Walt. - She's not a robot.
1:15:54 > 1:15:59- What? She's not a robot? - She never was.
1:16:05 > 1:16:07Wait a second.
1:16:08 > 1:16:12- I couldn't do it. - What?- Why not?
1:16:12 > 1:16:15Because she's not a science project.
1:16:15 > 1:16:20- Because I didn't marry something from Radio Shack.- That's a shame.
1:16:20 > 1:16:24No, that's a man.
1:16:31 > 1:16:34I thought you were ready.
1:16:34 > 1:16:37I thought you were ready! I thought I knew you!
1:16:37 > 1:16:40- You're a disgrace! - MEN: Yeah!
1:16:42 > 1:16:44To everything this town stands for.
1:16:44 > 1:16:49- To the future! - That's right.
1:16:49 > 1:16:53You're gonna have to pay for that!
1:16:57 > 1:17:00Don't you touch him! AAARRRGH!
1:17:04 > 1:17:06SIZZLES
1:17:14 > 1:17:16FIZZLES AND POPS
1:17:26 > 1:17:28CONTINUES SIZZLING
1:17:29 > 1:17:31Ohh!
1:17:34 > 1:17:37He's a Stepford husband?
1:17:39 > 1:17:41An angel.
1:17:42 > 1:17:44- SOBS - Now he's just...
1:17:45 > 1:17:49..spare parts, thanks to you!
1:17:49 > 1:17:53- What are you? Are you a person or a machine?- I'm a lady!
1:17:53 > 1:17:57- A real...lady?- Every inch! - Wait, wait.
1:17:57 > 1:18:01- A real, real lady? Are you human? - Yes.
1:18:01 > 1:18:04- And I may well be the only decent human being left!- In Stepford?
1:18:04 > 1:18:07- In the world! - Oh, she's fabulous!
1:18:07 > 1:18:12All of this - Mike, the wives, Stepford, this was all your idea?
1:18:12 > 1:18:16Yes. All I wanted was a better world.
1:18:16 > 1:18:19A world where men were men and women were cherished and lovely.
1:18:19 > 1:18:22Does anyone have a screwdriver?!
1:18:23 > 1:18:24She's nuts.
1:18:33 > 1:18:38A world of romance and beauty, of tuxedos and chiffon.
1:18:38 > 1:18:40A perfect world.
1:18:40 > 1:18:45- But you were married to a robot. - The perfect man.
1:18:45 > 1:18:50And all I wanted was to make you, all of you, into perfect women.
1:18:50 > 1:18:55We don't need to be perfect. How could you do this to us?
1:18:55 > 1:18:57Because I was just like you.
1:18:57 > 1:18:59Over-stressed, over-booked, under-loved.
1:18:59 > 1:19:05I was the world's foremost brain surgeon and genetic engineer.
1:19:05 > 1:19:11I had top-secret contracts with the Pentagon, Apple and Mattel.
1:19:11 > 1:19:17I was driven, exhausted, until late one night I came home to find...
1:19:17 > 1:19:19..Mike...
1:19:20 > 1:19:22..with Patricia...
1:19:23 > 1:19:25..my brilliant,
1:19:25 > 1:19:27blonde...
1:19:28 > 1:19:31..21-year-old research assistant.
1:19:32 > 1:19:34It was all so...
1:19:37 > 1:19:39..ugly.
1:19:40 > 1:19:45Then, early the next morning, as I gazed across the breakfast table
1:19:45 > 1:19:50at their lifeless bodies, I thought, "What have I done?"
1:19:51 > 1:19:53But, more importantly,
1:19:53 > 1:19:58what could I do to make the world more beautiful?
1:19:58 > 1:20:02I had the skills, but I needed help to realise my larger vision.
1:20:02 > 1:20:05And so I made...Mike.
1:20:07 > 1:20:09Because he was someone other men would listen to.
1:20:09 > 1:20:12And then I asked myself,
1:20:12 > 1:20:17where would people never notice a town full of robots?
1:20:17 > 1:20:20Connecticut.
1:20:20 > 1:20:26So I decided to turn back the clock to a time before overtime,
1:20:26 > 1:20:29before quality time,
1:20:29 > 1:20:32before women were turning themselves into robots.
1:20:32 > 1:20:35- SIZZLES - Back off!!- Sorry.
1:20:35 > 1:20:39- Why didn't you change the men, too? - That's next.
1:20:39 > 1:20:44- You're insane.- I'm in love with a waltz and a town.
1:20:48 > 1:20:50And a man.
1:20:53 > 1:20:55ALL GASP
1:21:40 > 1:21:44So, Joanna, you produced the hard-hitting documentary
1:21:44 > 1:21:46Stepford: The Secret of the Suburbs.
1:21:46 > 1:21:49And won...five Emmys, was it?
1:21:49 > 1:21:52- Oh, six.- She's shy.- And so humble.
1:21:52 > 1:21:55And, Bobbie, your ordeal has led to a best-seller.
1:21:55 > 1:22:00I can't hold a grudge, so I've written my first book of poetry.
1:22:00 > 1:22:02It's all about hope and communication,
1:22:02 > 1:22:06- and...the healing power of love. - What's it called?
1:22:06 > 1:22:10- Wait Until He's Asleep Then Cut It Off.- It's a page-turner.- I cried.
1:22:10 > 1:22:14Roger, good news. You ran and won. You're in the state senate.
1:22:14 > 1:22:16- Independent. - Next stop, the White House.
1:22:16 > 1:22:19- This country needs highlights. - That's our hero.
1:22:19 > 1:22:23Jo, Walter really came through for you, so how's your marriage now?
1:22:23 > 1:22:27- Is everything just, er, perfect? - No way.
1:22:27 > 1:22:30But, um, we're doing just great
1:22:30 > 1:22:35because now...now we know for sure it's not about perfection.
1:22:35 > 1:22:39- Perfect doesn't work. - What about all those other husbands?
1:22:39 > 1:22:43Are they still angry? Do they still want all these women to be robots?
1:22:43 > 1:22:45Of course. Men are pigs. They're disgusting.
1:22:45 > 1:22:48They're frightened, repulsive little rodents.
1:22:48 > 1:22:50- But we're trying to help them, right?- Right.
1:22:50 > 1:22:53- We're trying to re-educate them. - Where are they?
1:22:53 > 1:22:58- Oh. Oh, they're still in Stepford. - Under house arrest.
1:23:03 > 1:23:07Hey, guys, which aisle has quilted paper towels?
1:23:07 > 1:23:11- If I don't get the right kind my wife's gonna kill me. - Aisle three. And...
1:23:11 > 1:23:13TANNOY: "No talking, keep shopping!"
1:23:23 > 1:23:25Subtitles by IMS