0:02:15 > 0:02:17CLINK!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35CLEARS THROAT
0:03:04 > 0:03:06RUSTLE
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Good evening!
0:03:25 > 0:03:27(Good evening!)
0:03:27 > 0:03:29(Good evening, Mr Hardwick.)
0:03:32 > 0:03:35(Is Mr Travers waiting for me?)
0:03:35 > 0:03:39(He's been here all evening, sir.)
0:03:39 > 0:03:46- (ALL evening? Oh, dear, dear. Thanks.- Begging your pardon, sir...
0:03:46 > 0:03:52- (..but is that THE Mr Travers, the well-known American?- It is.)
0:03:52 > 0:03:59- (He's come over to star in my show. His first time in London. - YOUR show?- Well, I'm producing it.)
0:03:59 > 0:04:07- (I want it to be a surprise for the members here. - I'm sure they'll be surprised, sir.)
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- Hello, Jerry. Sorry I kept you waiting.- Ssh!
0:04:36 > 0:04:41(There are many things to discuss, so come over to my hotel now.)
0:04:49 > 0:04:53INDIGNANT MUTTERINGS
0:05:01 > 0:05:06- Jerry, I want you to stay here for the night.- I'm sorry. I can't.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10But you must. I'm having a problem with my valet.
0:05:10 > 0:05:18- Do you want me to press your pants? - No, it's not that. Bates and I have had a tiff.
0:05:18 > 0:05:26- Did you come to blows?- No, no. We're not speaking to each other. We've had a clash of...of taste.
0:05:26 > 0:05:34Bates insists that a SQUARE tie is to be worn with evening clothes. A square tie, imagine!
0:05:34 > 0:05:40- I prefer the butterfly.- I think Bates is right.- He is never right!
0:05:40 > 0:05:45- Then why don't you fire him? - Well, I'm hoping the man will...
0:05:45 > 0:05:51- ..just disappear.- I won't interfere, but let's hope he approves of ME!
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- You can never tell with Bates. - There you are.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57If you please.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- Good evening, sir.- Good evening.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are Bates, sir.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Oh, really? WE are Jerry Travers.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Welcome to our menage. - Thank you, Bates.
0:06:14 > 0:06:21- I am to stay here tonight. At least that was our impresario's idea. - Whose idea?- Mr Hardwick's.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Oh, HIS idea(!)
0:06:27 > 0:06:32- Well, welcome, anyhow. - Oh, thank you, Bates.
0:06:32 > 0:06:39- May we make a personal observation, sir?- Not TOO personal!- Oh, no, sir!
0:06:39 > 0:06:42It's merely we must compliment you
0:06:42 > 0:06:45upon your EXCELLENT taste in ties.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- They like me!- Ha! You never know.
0:06:55 > 0:07:01- Where DID you find them?!- I sent the Salvation Army a pair of shoes.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06- And the shoes came back with Bates in them?- He's been here ever since.
0:07:06 > 0:07:12- How's Madge?- She's fine, thank you. The Lido climate has helped.- Good.
0:07:12 > 0:07:19- Shame she'll miss the opening night. - Yes, but she wants us to fly down for the weekend.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Fly down to Italy?! But I haven't any goggles!
0:07:23 > 0:07:32You'll have to go. A young friend is visiting her, and you know Madge and her match-making proclivities.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Is it a weekend or a wedding?!
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Can't tell. You know how wives are.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39No, I don't.
0:07:39 > 0:07:46They're always scheming. I think it's time you found out for yourself.
0:07:46 > 0:07:54- Oh, you do?- Yes, I do.- No, thanks, Horace. I'm completely on the loose. No yens, no yearning...
0:07:54 > 0:07:59- #- No strings, no connections No ties to my affections
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- #- I'm fancy free and free for anything fancy
0:08:03 > 0:08:08- #- No dates that can't be broken No words that can't be spoken
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- #- Especially when I am feeling romancy
0:08:12 > 0:08:17- #- Like a robin upon a tree Like a sailor that goes to sea
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- #- Like an unwritten melody... I'm free, that's me
0:08:21 > 0:08:26- #- So bring on the attraction I'm ready for action
0:08:26 > 0:08:31- #- I'm fancy free and free for anything fancy!
0:08:31 > 0:08:35- #- No strings, no connections No ties to my affections
0:08:35 > 0:08:40- #- I'm fancy free and free for anything fancy
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- #- No dates that can't be broken No words left unspoken
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- #- Especially when I am feeling romancy
0:08:49 > 0:08:55- #- Like a robin upon a tree Or a sailor that goes to sea
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- #- I'm free...that's me!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- #- So bring on the big attraction
0:09:01 > 0:09:07- #- I'm fancy free and free for anything fancy!- #
0:09:49 > 0:09:53TAP-DANCING CAN BE CLEARLY HEARD
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Hello...? Miss Tremont here. Get me the manager.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27PHONE RINGS
0:10:31 > 0:10:37Hello...? Who...? Oh, the manager. I can't hear a word you're saying.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42- There's a young lady downstairs... - This late at night?
0:10:42 > 0:10:47She can't come up now. I'd better come down.
0:10:47 > 0:10:52- There's a young lady downstairs who wants to see me.- Ah-hah!
0:10:55 > 0:10:59VOLUME OF SOUND INCREASES
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Hello.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50Won't you come in? I'm awfully glad you dropped in.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I was trying to sleep beneath this.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise I was disturbing you.
0:11:58 > 0:12:04You see, every once in a while I suddenly find myself...dancing.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Must be some kind of an affliction.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Yes, it's an affliction... Er, St Vitus' Dance.
0:12:11 > 0:12:18- And it only occurs at this time of night(?)- Yes, that's it.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21I really shouldn't be left alone.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26Yes, I can see that. You probably should have a couple of guards.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31- It's not kind to make fun of me. - Oh, I'm sorry(!)
0:12:33 > 0:12:38- I wish you wouldn't leave.- Why not? - I think I feel an attack coming on.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42There it is!
0:12:43 > 0:12:46So I see.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- Only one thing will stop me. - Do tell me.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54My nurses always put their arms round me.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00I'll call the house detective and tell him to do just that.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Good night!
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Jerry! What are you doing here? What's that for?
0:13:36 > 0:13:42- Who was the young lady?- That call was for you. It was a complaint.
0:13:42 > 0:13:49- I've just seen the complaint. She's delightful... and she wants to sleep.- She does?
0:13:49 > 0:13:53And I'm going to help her. Take this!
0:13:53 > 0:13:57- No, bring it here and guard it. - What's happening?!
0:14:09 > 0:14:13- What's the idea?- She wants to sleep. - So you said.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17I've appointed myself her official sandman.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Jerry...
0:14:39 > 0:14:44SOUND OF JERRY DANCING SOFTLY ON SAND
0:15:37 > 0:15:44- What else have you got? - You've cleaned out the shop, sir. - Better plant some more.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49- They're all to go to Miss Dale Tremont, sir?- Right.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55Room 304.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Ah, what's that?
0:16:00 > 0:16:05- Oh, that's for the opening of a butcher shop.- Send that up, too.
0:16:05 > 0:16:10- But, sir, a horseshoe?!- Why, yes. I may order a peach orchard next.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13What's your room number, sir?
0:16:13 > 0:16:19- Just charge it to Horace Hardwick... room 404.- Yes, sir.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27I wonder what Mr Beddini will say? What CAN he say?
0:16:27 > 0:16:34He's been sending her flowers daily since they came here. And, entre nous...
0:16:34 > 0:16:41The desk clerk has intimated that Mr Beddini provides her with all the niceties,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44including her clothes. Really?!
0:16:44 > 0:16:48And her niceties are VERY nice.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Good morning!- Good morning.
0:16:53 > 0:16:58- I hope you slept well last night? - Yes, but not long enough.- Sorry.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- I hope perhaps I can square myself. - That's all right.
0:17:02 > 0:17:08- Can I drive you to the stables? - No, thanks. I have a hansom cab.
0:17:08 > 0:17:15- With a horse in front of it? - Yes. The stable people feel the horse is coming back.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Where's he been?!
0:17:24 > 0:17:31- We're leaving tonight.- Mr Beddini has ordered porters for 7 o'clock. - Thank you.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57- Driver...- Yes, Miss? - Can't you go any faster than this?
0:17:57 > 0:18:04- COCKNEY ACCENT: Love-a-duck, Miss,- I- can, but I mustn't leave the horse.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07I MEANT the horse, of course.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Well, Miss,
0:18:09 > 0:18:14it's tired cos it won the Grand National.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Do you mean this is a racehorse?!
0:18:17 > 0:18:22Yes, and I've got his pedigree, too. In fact, his sire was Man of War.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Well! Who was his dam?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Pardon, Miss?
0:18:28 > 0:18:33- Who was his dam? - I don't know. It didn't give a...!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35HOOF-BEATS SPEED UP
0:18:38 > 0:18:41ANGRY HOOTING
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- Peek-a-boo!- Stop this cab!
0:18:57 > 0:19:02I don't know how! I've never driven one before... Take it easy, Mavis!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05What will we do?
0:19:05 > 0:19:10In dealing with a girl or horse, Just let nature take its course!
0:19:30 > 0:19:36There we are, Miss. I told you the horse would bring you here.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39What a power you have over horses!
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Horse-power!
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Don't I even get any thanks?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Buy yourself a new hat!
0:20:05 > 0:20:09RUMBLE OF THUNDER
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Cab, Miss?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Cab, Miss?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Cab, Miss?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09May I rescue you?
0:21:09 > 0:21:13No, thank you. I prefer being in distress.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21Mm... Charming little spot you have here.
0:21:21 > 0:21:26- When does the concert start?- Just as soon as you and the rain stop.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33Aw, now, please! You wouldn't like to be just a little more friendly?!
0:21:34 > 0:21:38Why should I? I don't know you from Adam.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Maybe it's the way I'm dressed!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44CLAP OF THUNDER
0:21:46 > 0:21:51- Are you afraid of thunder? - Oh, no. It's just the noise.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55You know what thunder is, don't you?
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Of course...
0:21:58 > 0:22:02It's, er...something about the air.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Oh, no, no.
0:22:05 > 0:22:10When a clumsy cloud from here meets a fluffy cloud from there,
0:22:10 > 0:22:12he billows towards her.
0:22:12 > 0:22:17She scurries away. He scuds up to her. She cries a little...
0:22:17 > 0:22:21And there you have your shower.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25He comforts her. They spark... That's the lightning.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28They kiss...
0:22:28 > 0:22:33- Thunder! - PEAL OF THUNDER
0:22:35 > 0:22:40- #- The thunder and lightning Seem to be having their way
0:22:40 > 0:22:44- #- But as far as I'm concerned It's a lovely day
0:22:46 > 0:22:51- #- The turn in the weather Will keep us together...so I say
0:22:51 > 0:22:56- #- That as far as I'm concerned It's a lovely day
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- #- And everything's OK!
0:23:02 > 0:23:08- #- Isn't this a lovely day To be caught in the rain?
0:23:10 > 0:23:17- #- You were going on your way Now you've got to remain
0:23:19 > 0:23:26- #- Just as you were going Leaving me all at sea
0:23:26 > 0:23:34- #- The clouds broke...they broke And oh, what a break for me!
0:23:34 > 0:23:40- #- I can see the sun up high Though we're caught in a storm
0:23:42 > 0:23:49- #- I can see where you and I Could be cosy and warm
0:23:49 > 0:23:54- #- Let the rain pitter-patter But it really doesn't matter
0:23:54 > 0:23:59- #- If the skies are grey
0:23:59 > 0:24:04- #- As long as I can be with you It's a lovely day...- #
0:25:45 > 0:25:49LOUD THUNDER-CLAP
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Who ees sending you a horse's shoe?
0:26:48 > 0:26:50How cute!
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- Alberto, I've danced with him! - Him? Who ees this "him"?
0:26:54 > 0:27:02- His name is Adam.- Forget him. You are coming to Italy to see your friend Madge Hardwick.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07And there you will dazzle the eyes in clothes by Alberto Beddini!
0:27:07 > 0:27:14- Alberto, I'm not GOING to the Lido. - Madre mia! We have make agreement!
0:27:14 > 0:27:21Beddini designs the clothes you wear among your friends, so they say, "Who ees so smart they make these?"
0:27:21 > 0:27:25And you say, "Who ees so smart?! Beddini!"
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Forget this Adam. Beddini demand it!
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Oh, Beddini does, does he(?)
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Our relationship is a business one.
0:27:34 > 0:27:39If you meddle in my personal affairs, I go back to America, now!
0:27:39 > 0:27:43I'm sorry, I did NOT mean to meddle.
0:27:43 > 0:27:49Fall in love with him, marry him... but as Mrs Adam, what will you wear?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Fig leaves!
0:27:51 > 0:27:53< KNOCK
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Thank you, sir.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06- A telegram for you!- Read it to me.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11"Come ahead. Stop. Stop being a sap. Stop.
0:28:11 > 0:28:19"You can even bring Alberto. Stop. My husband is stopping at your hotel. Stop. When do you start? Stop."
0:28:19 > 0:28:22I cannot understand. Who wrote this?
0:28:22 > 0:28:26Sounds like Gertrude Stein!
0:28:26 > 0:28:32Oh! It's Madge Hardwick. Her husband is at the hotel and will look you up.
0:28:32 > 0:28:38- I wonder what he's like.- He'll be influential. Let's be nice to him!
0:28:38 > 0:28:41I'll be busy being nice to another!
0:28:41 > 0:28:47I have promised my dresses to take them to Italy with you inside them!
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Sorry, Alberto, but I'm unpacking.
0:28:53 > 0:28:58Never again will women wear my dresses!
0:29:00 > 0:29:07- DOOR SLAMS #- Isn't it a lovely day to be caught in the rain...?- #
0:29:11 > 0:29:18- Good evening.- Good evening. I have decided to stay. - I'll cancel the bags, Miss.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21Oh, is there a Mr Hardwick here?
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Why, yes. He has room...er, 404.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27Just above you.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31- Are you SURE?- Definitely, Miss.
0:29:33 > 0:29:38There he is now, the one with the briefcase and cane.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51Horace! A telegram for you.
0:29:51 > 0:29:59- From Italy.- Oh, that's Madge. - And there's some trouble about the tickets.- Trouble?- Yeah.
0:29:59 > 0:30:06- Oh, my word! Hold those for me and get us a taxi.- All right.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Cab, Miss?!
0:30:23 > 0:30:28When a clumsy cloud meets a fluffy, little cloud(!)
0:30:35 > 0:30:42We must protect our guests, Miss. She does not need your protection.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45- I- am too much protection enough!
0:30:45 > 0:30:50There's nothing to investigate. Nothing happened... Ask them to go.
0:30:50 > 0:30:57- She slapped you in front of all those people for nothing? - Would you have sold tickets?
0:30:57 > 0:31:01- You did nothing and yet she slapped you?- Correct.
0:31:01 > 0:31:08A scandal will ruin our show. I'd rather it'd happened to ME.
0:31:08 > 0:31:12- Well, if you enjoy such a thing... - Don't be absurd!
0:31:12 > 0:31:16I hate men. I hate you. I hate all men!
0:31:16 > 0:31:21But, cara mia, you make a mistake. I am no man... I am Beddini!
0:31:23 > 0:31:28How could he have made love to me when he was married...and to Madge!
0:31:28 > 0:31:34- So this snake-in-the-grass, Adam, already he has eaten the apple?- Yes.
0:31:37 > 0:31:42- I will KEEL him for you! - Have you finished packing?
0:31:42 > 0:31:45But you do not understand...
0:31:46 > 0:31:48We Beddini have the motto...
0:31:48 > 0:31:50"For the woman - the kiss.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53"For the man - the sword."
0:31:53 > 0:31:58And what have you got for the children(?)
0:31:58 > 0:32:06- Are we leaving, or aren't we? - We do not go to America. We must go to the Lido.- I can't face his wife.
0:32:06 > 0:32:13Why not? Women face wives every day. You can't avoid Madge for EVER.
0:32:13 > 0:32:18- I guess not.- So... why not face the musicians now?
0:32:18 > 0:32:22All right. Maybe she ought to know.
0:32:22 > 0:32:29- Bravo! But let us stay JUST till I kill him for you. - Stop acting like Cellini.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32But it is the family tradition.
0:32:32 > 0:32:36My father killed a man once, just before I was born.
0:32:41 > 0:32:46- You didn't forget yourself in the park?- No, I didn't.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49< KNOCK AT DOOR
0:32:52 > 0:32:56- We're the management. - Oh, are we...er, are you?
0:32:56 > 0:33:00Oh, dear. Some more of these plural personalities.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03Just a moment.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06Hide in the bedroom, quickly.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10They mustn't suspect that you're in this.
0:33:13 > 0:33:20- Well, this is a pleasant surprise. - A small matter of great import has come to our attention, sir.
0:33:20 > 0:33:26I am up here in your interest. We wish to avoid any scandal.
0:33:26 > 0:33:33- SCANDAL?- In connection with a certain slap in the face you had.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Oh, she didn't slap MY face.
0:33:36 > 0:33:43- Who DID she slap?- Wh-Wh-Who...? It was...er, HE...my valet.
0:33:44 > 0:33:46Me, sir?
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Don't argue! How did it happen?
0:33:51 > 0:33:52Oh...
0:33:52 > 0:33:59- Possibly we had been a little imprudent.- We had been imprudent.
0:33:59 > 0:34:08- But you said it wasn't you! - Not Mr Hardwick. Gentlemen, we take all the blame myself.
0:34:08 > 0:34:15And there we are...er, YOU are. Gentlemen, I shall take him to task personally.
0:34:15 > 0:34:18- Thank you, sir.- Not at all.
0:34:22 > 0:34:30- Bates, thank you! You know, really you are an invaluable assistant.- Thank you, sir.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33- Allow us.- Thank you, Bates.
0:34:34 > 0:34:40- Your coat, sir.- Really? Oh, my, this is like old times, your helping me with my coat.
0:34:40 > 0:34:45- It is a pleasure we have missed. - Thank you, Bates.- Thank you, sir.
0:34:45 > 0:34:52- How is our lumbago this evening? - It's much better, Bates, thank you. - Thank you, sir.
0:34:53 > 0:34:59- Bates...- Yes, sir? - (There's a CRISIS afoot.)
0:34:59 > 0:35:04Couldn't we bury the hatchet... and forget all about the ties?
0:35:04 > 0:35:08Sic transit gloria mundi, sir.
0:35:09 > 0:35:16- Bates...- Yes, sir?- Mr Travers has practically put his foot into a hornets' nest.
0:35:16 > 0:35:23- Hornets' nests grow on trees, sir. - Never mind that. We must do something.
0:35:23 > 0:35:29- We can rub it with butter.- FOOL! You can't rub a girl with butter!
0:35:29 > 0:35:35- We rubbed my sister with butter, sir!- You should have used mud!
0:35:35 > 0:35:41Never MIND that! Mr Travers is in trouble and we must avoid scandal.
0:35:41 > 0:35:47- Now, there is a young lady in the room below.- I know, sir.
0:35:47 > 0:35:52Investigate her. Follow her. Never take your eyes off her.
0:35:52 > 0:35:57- NEVER, sir?- Never. Whither she goes...- Thither I!
0:35:57 > 0:36:02Right you are, sir... Whither OR thither!
0:36:04 > 0:36:06Jerry!
0:36:07 > 0:36:13- What happened?- I fixed it. But it's very involved. This is a deep-laid plot.
0:36:13 > 0:36:19- Why should this girl want to involve me?- For money, publicity!
0:36:19 > 0:36:24- I'll buy her off. - Oh, no, you won't. Leave it to me.
0:36:24 > 0:36:28No, no. You stay right here. I'll clear this up.
0:36:28 > 0:36:33It's probably something you did offended her sense of decorum.
0:36:33 > 0:36:37If I did, I'm going right down to do it again! Goodbye.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47Come along, cara mia.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53Taxi, please!
0:36:53 > 0:36:55TAXI!
0:36:55 > 0:36:57Follow that cab!
0:36:57 > 0:37:00KNOCK AT DOOR Come in!
0:37:03 > 0:37:07- Where's the young lady? - She's gone, sir.
0:37:07 > 0:37:11- GONE?- Yes, sir.- Oh.
0:37:11 > 0:37:18- You don't mind if I carry on putting these flowers in the rubbish? - Go right ahead.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Yeah...
0:37:34 > 0:37:38Jerry! The show opens in an hour! Come on!
0:37:50 > 0:37:54ORCHESTRA PLAYS "TOP HAT"
0:38:02 > 0:38:07- Women do strange things sometimes, don't they, George?- Yes, sir.
0:38:08 > 0:38:13- Jerry, that first act was great! - Good.- The critics are raving.
0:38:13 > 0:38:18- And I've got more good news... - You found her?- That girl? No, no.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21The Thackeray Club is out in front.
0:38:21 > 0:38:27- You don't suppose my dancing has disturbed them?- They didn't say.
0:38:27 > 0:38:34- Second act beginners, Mr Travers. - Thanks.- I must go! There are your telegrams.
0:38:34 > 0:38:41Oh, I never read my own telegram from Madge. It's too bad she isn't here.
0:38:41 > 0:38:46- What does she say?- Sorry we can't fly down to meet her friend.- Oh.
0:38:46 > 0:38:52- Her friend is staying at my hotel. Her name is Tremont.- TREMONT!!
0:38:53 > 0:38:57Hire a plane to fly us to Italy in the morning!
0:38:57 > 0:39:01- One minute, sir. - What about Monday's show?
0:39:01 > 0:39:06- How long is the flight?- Seven hours. - Charter a plane for the weekend!
0:39:06 > 0:39:13- You're on, sir.- I won't...- If this show is to run, get me a plane now!
0:39:13 > 0:39:16- What kind of plane?- One with wings!
0:39:16 > 0:39:20OPENING BARS TO "TOP HAT"
0:39:33 > 0:39:38- #- I've just got an invitation through the mails:
0:39:38 > 0:39:43- #- "Your presence requested. Formal. A top hat, white tie and tails!"
0:39:43 > 0:39:48- #- Nothing now could take the wind out of my sails
0:39:48 > 0:39:53- #- Because I'm invited to step out in top hat, white tie and tails
0:39:53 > 0:39:56- #- Oh, I'm putting on my top hat
0:39:57 > 0:40:00- #- Tying up my white tie
0:40:00 > 0:40:03- #- Brushing off my tails
0:40:03 > 0:40:07- #- I'm duding up my shirt-front
0:40:07 > 0:40:09- #- Putting in the shirt-studs
0:40:09 > 0:40:12- #- Polishing my nails
0:40:12 > 0:40:17- #- I'm stepping out, my dear To breathe an atmosphere of class
0:40:19 > 0:40:24- #- And I trust that you'll excuse my dust, when I step on the gas
0:40:24 > 0:40:27- #- For I'll be there
0:40:27 > 0:40:32- #- Putting down my top hat Mussing up my white tie
0:40:32 > 0:40:34- #- Dancing in my tails!
0:43:55 > 0:43:59ORCHESTRA PLAYS "TOP HAT" CHORUS...
0:44:02 > 0:44:07..AND THE REFRAIN IS TAKEN UP AT THE LIDO
0:44:26 > 0:44:31- I'll look for Madge. See you later for cocktails.- Bene, cara mia.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52Madge!
0:44:53 > 0:44:57- Dale! When did you get down? - Just now.- Good.
0:44:57 > 0:44:59Garzone...
0:44:59 > 0:45:06Per piacere, portatemi un altro...Horse's Neck.
0:45:06 > 0:45:09Una Horse's Neck? Si, signora.
0:45:09 > 0:45:13- Good to see you.- And you! - Did my husband look you up?
0:45:14 > 0:45:16Yes.
0:45:16 > 0:45:22- How did he impress you? - He's fascinating.
0:45:22 > 0:45:27Every once in a while, the effect he has on people surprises me.
0:45:27 > 0:45:31He sort of surprised me, too.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33I'm glad. He'll be here today.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36Oh, no! He can't...
0:45:36 > 0:45:40What's the matter? Did he flirt with you?
0:45:41 > 0:45:44He sent me a roomful of flowers.
0:45:44 > 0:45:50- Well, that was sweet of him. - But, Madge, you don't understand!
0:45:51 > 0:45:54He chased me in the park.
0:45:54 > 0:46:00I didn't know he was capable of such activity! Did he catch you?
0:46:01 > 0:46:02Yes.
0:46:02 > 0:46:07- Good for Horace! - But, Madge, you've shocked me!
0:46:07 > 0:46:11He flirts with every girl he meets. It means nothing.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18That's a funny way to take it.
0:46:18 > 0:46:24My dear, when you're as old as I am, you take your men as you find them... IF you can find them.
0:46:36 > 0:46:43And hotel gossip says that Beddini was supplying her with everything - clothes, flowers...
0:46:43 > 0:46:49- No, YOU provided the flowers. - I- did? Don't be ridiculous.
0:46:49 > 0:46:57- I'm going to find out from Madge just who and what Miss Tremont is. - I only want to know "where".
0:46:57 > 0:47:04You don't know the trouble a designing woman can make. Believe me, I know.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07I wouldn't tell this to anybody...
0:47:08 > 0:47:17- I- am the victim of a designing woman myself.- Surely not Madge?- Yes... No! She doesn't know about it.
0:47:17 > 0:47:22Her name's Violet. She's what the French call a "passade".
0:47:22 > 0:47:29- Oh, I see. Little ships that pass in the night?- Ships...? Oh, yes. Exactly.
0:47:29 > 0:47:37- I met her at the bird-house at the zoo. She seemed to be frightened.- Of the birds?- Y-Yes.
0:47:37 > 0:47:43- She'd led a very sheltered life and the storks worried her.- Mm-hm.
0:47:43 > 0:47:50I took her to a cinema... then we had dinner...then I fear I forgot myself and let her kiss me.
0:47:54 > 0:47:59MUSICIANS CONTINUE "TOP HAT" THEME
0:48:00 > 0:48:04DRONE OF AEROPLANE
0:48:07 > 0:48:09That's him. Come on.
0:48:10 > 0:48:18- No, I-I'd rather not.- Oh, come and see the early worm get the bird.
0:48:25 > 0:48:30- Dale, I haven't told you the real reason I asked you down here.- No?
0:48:30 > 0:48:35No. You know, I feel I've known you long enough to talk to you this way.
0:48:35 > 0:48:39In spite of the fact that all men are...males,
0:48:39 > 0:48:46- there is NO feeling so secure as having a reliable husband.- I- know.
0:48:49 > 0:48:50Dale!
0:49:03 > 0:49:07- Jerry!- Hello, Madge! I'll see you in a minute.
0:49:10 > 0:49:15- Where did Miss Tremont go?- I didn't know you'd met.- Oh, yes.- Fine!
0:49:15 > 0:49:23- I've arranged a little dinner party for us.- Let's eat now!- Leave her just now. She's upset.- Really?- Yes.
0:49:23 > 0:49:28- How did Dale strike you?- Right between the eyes!- Good.- Yeah!
0:49:28 > 0:49:36- Where's Horace?- With the baggage. - The hotel's crowded so you two will bunk together. Dale's with me.- Oh.
0:49:36 > 0:49:40Did you get a room for my husband? Si, signora.
0:49:40 > 0:49:44But I'm afraid it is the bridal suite. Huh!
0:49:44 > 0:49:46How romantic!
0:49:48 > 0:49:51Signore, you are Horace Hardwick?
0:49:51 > 0:49:57- Oh, thank you. I am. How do you do? - I am very displeased to meet you. - Really...?!
0:49:57 > 0:50:04- What do you mean "displeased"? - For men of your kind, this ees not a healthy place.
0:50:04 > 0:50:11- Not healthy? With this air...?! - Oh, so it ees funny tricks you are being?
0:50:11 > 0:50:19I warn you, never let your path criss-cross mine again, or...ze heart...ZIT!!
0:50:30 > 0:50:33- Horace!- How do you do?
0:50:33 > 0:50:39- MADGE! Darling!- My, my, my! Your passion frightens me(!)
0:50:39 > 0:50:43- Been practising?- Yes, yes. Well, scarcely...no!
0:50:43 > 0:50:48- Guess what has happened to me? - You got your first long trousers?
0:50:48 > 0:50:55Madge, PLEASE! Jerry thinks I'd better tell you this anonymously.
0:50:55 > 0:51:00- It sounds as if you want to confess. - What would- I- have to confess?
0:51:00 > 0:51:06- You really want to tell me about Dale Tremont, don't you?- Yes...no.
0:51:06 > 0:51:10- You see I haven't met her yet. - No(?)- No.
0:51:10 > 0:51:16If that's your story, stick to it. So you weren't in the park, either?
0:51:16 > 0:51:20It happened in the zoo... Er, the zoo in the park...
0:51:20 > 0:51:25- How do you know I was there? - A little bird told me.- The stork!
0:51:25 > 0:51:31- I-I think I'd better clean up a bit. - Yes, I understand just how you feel.
0:51:42 > 0:51:44Jerry!
0:51:48 > 0:51:53- Jerry!- What's the matter?- Madge! - Has she been chasing you?- No, no.
0:51:54 > 0:52:00I think she knows about Violet... and I just had my life threatened!
0:52:00 > 0:52:05- But what did he say?- He just lied and said he'd never met you.
0:52:07 > 0:52:12- Oh, he did?- Mm-hm. I told you he'd forget about you.
0:52:13 > 0:52:18Well, I'll make him remember me in a manner he'll never forget!
0:52:19 > 0:52:22Has Horace been away alone lately?
0:52:22 > 0:52:25He went to the continent last year.
0:52:27 > 0:52:30Mr Hardwick's apartment, please.
0:52:30 > 0:52:38- I'm going to scare your husband so that he never looks at another woman.- Husbands will always look.
0:52:39 > 0:52:41Hello...?
0:52:42 > 0:52:46Oh, hello...! Where ARE you?
0:52:46 > 0:52:51Oh, so you do remember me? (He remembers me all right!)
0:52:51 > 0:52:55- Are you alone? - Completely and desolately!
0:52:55 > 0:52:59Fine. I'll be right up.
0:53:08 > 0:53:12- She's coming up!- She can't! It isn't proper!
0:53:12 > 0:53:17- She wants to see me alone.- Jerry! She wants to compromise you!
0:53:17 > 0:53:21Are you sure you've not met her before?
0:53:21 > 0:53:24I could have met her in Moscow...
0:53:24 > 0:53:27Ah-hah! In Moscow! Well, you see!
0:53:27 > 0:53:30- But I've never been there.- Oh.
0:53:30 > 0:53:34- How about Paris? - When I was in Paris I was only ten!
0:53:34 > 0:53:43- Jerry! It's not safe for you to see her alone.- It's not "proper" for you to receive her as you are!
0:53:55 > 0:53:56Hello!
0:53:56 > 0:54:04You'll think this a little unconventional, but I couldn't wait to see you...alone.
0:54:09 > 0:54:14I, er... I'm awfully glad you came up.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16Oh, my darling!
0:54:18 > 0:54:24- Er, hello! How have you been? - I've been missing YOU, terribly.
0:54:24 > 0:54:28I came down on the fastest plane I could get.
0:54:28 > 0:54:34- Oh, no. I meant BEFORE yesterday. - Er, "before" yesterday?
0:54:34 > 0:54:39Why, yes... Of course. Don't you REMEMBER?
0:54:40 > 0:54:43Er, well... Er, should I?
0:54:44 > 0:54:50- Have you forgotten what we've...been to each other?- N-No.
0:54:50 > 0:54:54Wh-What we've BEEN to each other?
0:54:54 > 0:55:02- Oh, I knew, yesterday in the park, when I was dancing in your arms, you remembered who I was.- Of course.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05Who ARE you?!
0:55:06 > 0:55:09Then you still don't remember?
0:55:10 > 0:55:14I can...try to remember SOMETHING.
0:55:16 > 0:55:23How could you forget that funny little house, and the suspicious concierge?
0:55:23 > 0:55:26And that QUAINT little room?
0:55:26 > 0:55:33We'd have tea and muffins there, watching shadows leaping on the ceiling.
0:55:33 > 0:55:38Those long walks down that twisty, cobblestone street to the river.
0:55:38 > 0:55:43Oh, Paris is HEAVENLY in the spring.
0:55:48 > 0:55:53Er... Oh, so THAT's where we met!
0:55:53 > 0:55:56Yes. Last year.
0:55:57 > 0:55:59In Paris.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01Hm-hm...
0:56:02 > 0:56:05Why, of course!
0:56:06 > 0:56:09It's all coming back to me now!
0:56:09 > 0:56:11IS it?
0:56:11 > 0:56:16- Yes, but you weren't called Dale Tremont then.- Wasn't I?
0:56:16 > 0:56:21No, it was...er...er... MADELINE!
0:56:21 > 0:56:25That was it! I called you "Mad" for short!
0:56:25 > 0:56:29You've put on a little weight, haven't you?
0:56:31 > 0:56:38Remember the night on the Left Bank when you had on that blue dress I bought for you?
0:56:38 > 0:56:42And to think that I almost forgot you!
0:56:44 > 0:56:46(Tell me something...
0:56:48 > 0:56:53(..do you still have that awful weakness for diamond bracelets?)
0:56:54 > 0:56:57I-I suppose I do.
0:56:57 > 0:57:03Well, make yourself comfortable, darling. I'll order cocktails. And then we'll have supper, alone.
0:57:03 > 0:57:08- It'll be like old times, won't it? - I-I...
0:57:08 > 0:57:12- I'd better be going. - I'll let you go...
0:57:12 > 0:57:18but only if we can again be to each other what we were in Paris.
0:57:29 > 0:57:35I was right! Of all the scheming, brazen creatures! Paris, indeed!
0:57:35 > 0:57:41- She's trying to trap you. What will you do about it?- Marry her.
0:57:41 > 0:57:46- Jerry! This is no time to be funny. - I'm going down to ask her now!
0:57:46 > 0:57:54Please, wait! Before you make a complete fool of yourself, let me find out more about her past.
0:57:54 > 0:58:01- OK. You find out about her past and I'll plan her future.- Promise? - All right. Promise!
0:58:08 > 0:58:12What happened? Did you scare him?!
0:58:12 > 0:58:16No... HE scared ME!
0:58:16 > 0:58:19What did he do - make faces at you?
0:58:20 > 0:58:26Sometimes I get up in the morning, look at him and he frightens me too!
0:58:26 > 0:58:31- He mistook me for someone called Madeline he'd met in Paris.- Really?
0:58:31 > 0:58:38Do you think you ought to let him go away alone? I think he was up to something in Paris.
0:58:38 > 0:58:41I must send him to China next year!
0:58:41 > 0:58:48You don't understand! I think that we're carrying this thing too far.
0:58:51 > 0:58:57You know, I wonder if you've seen something in Horace I've never seen.
0:59:17 > 0:59:21MUSICIANS PLAY "CHEEK TO CHEEK"
0:59:34 > 0:59:36I wonder what's keeping Horace?
0:59:42 > 0:59:46- What's the matter? - I-I'm going to have a headache.
0:59:46 > 0:59:50Don't go! I've planned this meeting!
0:59:54 > 0:59:58Good evening. Nice to see you again, Miss Tremont.
1:00:01 > 1:00:08- You've robbed me of the pleasure of introducing you two. You've met! - Oh, yes... Last spring.
1:00:10 > 1:00:19- I hope you see a lot of each other. - Madge seems to know instinctively the kind of girl that interests me.
1:00:21 > 1:00:27- What would I do without her?- Aw! Go and dance and don't think of me!
1:00:29 > 1:00:31That's what I'm afraid of.
1:00:38 > 1:00:44- Madge is a very brave person. - Yes, I admire her tremendously.
1:00:57 > 1:01:04- If Madge doesn't care, then I don't.- Neither do I! All I know is that it's...
1:01:04 > 1:01:09- #- ..Heaven, I'm in heaven!
1:01:09 > 1:01:15- #- And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
1:01:15 > 1:01:22- #- And I seem to find the happiness I seek
1:01:22 > 1:01:28- #- When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek
1:01:28 > 1:01:33- #- Heaven, I'm in heaven!
1:01:34 > 1:01:40- #- And the cares that hung around me through the week
1:01:40 > 1:01:46- #- Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak
1:01:46 > 1:01:52- #- When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek
1:01:53 > 1:01:58- #- Oh, I love to climb a mountain and to reach the highest peak
1:01:58 > 1:02:05- #- But it doesn't thrill me half as much as dancing cheek to cheek
1:02:05 > 1:02:10- #- Oh, I love to go out fishing in a river or a creek
1:02:10 > 1:02:17- #- But I don't enjoy it half as much as dancing cheek to cheek
1:02:17 > 1:02:22- #- Dance with me I want my arm about you
1:02:22 > 1:02:30- #- The charm about you will carry me through to...
1:02:30 > 1:02:35- #- ..Heaven, I'm in heaven!
1:02:35 > 1:02:41- #- And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
1:02:41 > 1:02:48- #- And I seem to find the happiness I seek
1:02:48 > 1:02:54- #- When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.- #
1:06:14 > 1:06:20- Aw, what IS this all about? We didn't meet in Paris.- I know.
1:06:20 > 1:06:26I'm afraid I haven't been fair with you... I know who you are.
1:06:27 > 1:06:32- What difference does that make? - It doesn't make any difference(?)
1:06:32 > 1:06:38- No. I don't know who you are, and I don't care.- That's big of you.
1:06:40 > 1:06:43Well?
1:06:43 > 1:06:45Well, what?
1:06:45 > 1:06:52Aren't you now supposed to say that we should think only of each other(?)
1:06:53 > 1:06:58I-I don't think I'd say it that way exactly. But aren't we?
1:06:59 > 1:07:01Go on.
1:07:01 > 1:07:07If it weren't for a promise I made in a moment of weakness, I would.
1:07:07 > 1:07:12Oh, you made a promise. That won't make much difference to you.
1:07:13 > 1:07:17That's right... Forget it! Marry me!
1:07:19 > 1:07:24How could I have fallen in love with anyone as low as you?
1:07:30 > 1:07:33She LOVES me!
1:07:36 > 1:07:40- What are you doing?- Packing. I'm leaving.
1:07:40 > 1:07:45- We've got into such a mess.- Why? What's the matter?- Your husband.
1:07:45 > 1:07:49He wants to divorce you and marry me.
1:07:49 > 1:07:56- I see. He wants to do right by both of us. Did he mention a settlement?- No.
1:07:56 > 1:07:59He probably wants ME to pay alimony.
1:07:59 > 1:08:06- Dale, don't go. That won't solve anything. - I can't stay here as things are.
1:08:06 > 1:08:11You're a spinster. You're fair game for any philandering male.
1:08:11 > 1:08:16What you really should have is a husband you can call your own.
1:08:18 > 1:08:23- Seriously, I mean it.- But what are we going to do about Horace?
1:08:23 > 1:08:26Don't worry, dear. I'LL do it.
1:08:26 > 1:08:28BUZZER >
1:08:31 > 1:08:33Come in.
1:08:35 > 1:08:36Darling!
1:08:46 > 1:08:50All I said was, "Darling!" and she smacked me!
1:08:52 > 1:08:58- Jerry, how does it look? Tell me. - Like a sunrise by Maxfield Parrish.
1:08:59 > 1:09:01Oh, it's terrible!
1:09:01 > 1:09:07- I can't go around like this! - Raw steak will reduce the swelling.
1:09:07 > 1:09:10- It WOULD...? A steak?- Sure.
1:09:11 > 1:09:13Bates!
1:09:14 > 1:09:16Yes, sir?
1:09:16 > 1:09:21- Order a steak. - A steak? Very good, sir.
1:09:21 > 1:09:29- What's got into Madge? She's never hit me before.- Maybe she never thought of it before.
1:09:30 > 1:09:35Room service...? This is the bridal suite.
1:09:35 > 1:09:40Will you please send up a steak... I beg your pardon?
1:09:41 > 1:09:48Oh, yes. Mashed potatoes and carrots and spinach. And, of course, coffee.
1:09:52 > 1:09:57As soon as you get your eye fixed, we'll go down and see Madge.
1:09:57 > 1:09:59Where do you want it, sir?
1:09:59 > 1:10:03- Want what, Bates?- The steak, sir. - On my eye.
1:10:04 > 1:10:07On your eye, sir?!
1:10:07 > 1:10:12Why do I have to say things twice? On my eye means on my eye!
1:10:12 > 1:10:15- I beg your pardon, sir.- Don't argue!
1:10:16 > 1:10:21The man has a sluggish brain, Jerry. Always wants to debate things.
1:10:21 > 1:10:26First it's a maniac, then it's Madge and now it's Bates!
1:10:32 > 1:10:33AH!!
1:10:39 > 1:10:44MUSICIANS PLAY: "ISN'T IT A LOVELY DAY"
1:10:55 > 1:10:58Carissima, we are grand success!
1:10:58 > 1:11:05Every woman ees saying, "This dress, she ees wonderful. Beddini ees the tops." Oh, I am so happy!
1:11:07 > 1:11:12But no, cara mia, it ees not the dress. It ees you who wears it.
1:11:14 > 1:11:18- Thank you, Alberto. - Ah-hah! What ees it?
1:11:19 > 1:11:25This Adam again, this gardener of Eden, he has make you sad?
1:11:28 > 1:11:33- It's just that I'm all mixed up. - Oh, why worry about this man?
1:11:33 > 1:11:37I think I'm worrying more about his wife.
1:11:39 > 1:11:43Poverina, Beddini does not like to see you so sad.
1:11:46 > 1:11:51Alberto, you seem to be the only one left I can turn to.
1:11:52 > 1:11:57Oh, Dale, why don't you marry Beddini? He will make you happy.
1:11:58 > 1:12:02Why not? I am rich and I am pretty.
1:12:03 > 1:12:07And then this Hardwick will leave you alone.
1:12:10 > 1:12:16- I'll marry you if you want me to. Let's do it right away.- Angela mia!
1:12:25 > 1:12:30We'll get you straightened out, then I'll ask Madge about Dale.
1:12:30 > 1:12:37Mr Hardwick, there is to be a wedding this evening, and we need the bridal suite.
1:12:37 > 1:12:44- Why...- We've hardly settled in yet, have we, angel?- No, we haven't... Please!
1:12:44 > 1:12:49- Of course you may have it. - Thank you, dear sir.
1:12:49 > 1:12:54Brace up! Madge has merely heard something about this Violet girl.
1:12:54 > 1:12:59- You tell her yourself. That's all she's waiting for.- So I fear.
1:12:59 > 1:13:05- The truth has never hurt any man. - Jerry, you're RIGHT!
1:13:09 > 1:13:13And if it does, I'll go to the hospital with you.
1:13:16 > 1:13:18Horace, what is this? Halloween?!
1:13:19 > 1:13:22Horace has a little confession.
1:13:22 > 1:13:27Well, I've been waiting for this! Come in and get it off your chest.
1:13:29 > 1:13:32(Better take your glasses off!)
1:13:36 > 1:13:38Sit down.
1:13:42 > 1:13:45Well?
1:13:45 > 1:13:47Huh? Oh...
1:13:47 > 1:13:49W-Well...
1:13:50 > 1:13:53Horace met a young lady in London...
1:13:53 > 1:13:58- You had an inkling or... - You wouldn't be telling me now.
1:13:58 > 1:14:01Never! Er, what? Er, certainly!
1:14:01 > 1:14:06- Horace would like to make a clean breast of it.- Before I find out.
1:14:06 > 1:14:12Exactly. Madge, this girl was... What...? Oh, dear. I'm all mixed.
1:14:12 > 1:14:15TELEPHONE RINGS
1:14:20 > 1:14:21Hello?
1:14:21 > 1:14:25Madge, darling, I just got married.
1:14:25 > 1:14:30You got what? It sounded as if you said you just got married!
1:14:30 > 1:14:32I did.
1:14:32 > 1:14:36Where are you now? Going to the bridal suite?
1:14:36 > 1:14:39A proper place for newly-weds!
1:14:39 > 1:14:44I must compliment you on your speed! Who did you find to marry you?
1:14:44 > 1:14:49Alberto?! You'd better hang up, Dale. I'm going to faint!
1:14:49 > 1:14:51Dale?!
1:14:51 > 1:14:56- Dale Tremont married? - To that dressmaker.
1:14:56 > 1:15:00- Good!- Good?- It's all his fault. - MY fault?!
1:15:00 > 1:15:03She told me how she slapped you.
1:15:03 > 1:15:07Yes, b-but I'M the one she slapped!
1:15:09 > 1:15:13She's been mistaking me for Horace all this time!
1:15:13 > 1:15:18- Huh! No wonder she thought Horace was fascinating.- I resent that!
1:15:18 > 1:15:21Madge, where is she now?
1:15:21 > 1:15:25- On her way to the bridal suite. - Bridal suite!
1:15:28 > 1:15:31- See you later.- Jerry!
1:15:31 > 1:15:35- That isn't fair. - All is fair in love and war -
1:15:35 > 1:15:37and this is revolution!
1:15:39 > 1:15:41Ees very pretty!
1:15:41 > 1:15:46Thank you, dear sir. Is there anything else, sir?
1:15:46 > 1:15:50Please ask my wife to join me. It is a pleasure.
1:15:50 > 1:15:53Di niente.
1:16:07 > 1:16:09Hi!
1:16:14 > 1:16:18- What are you doing?- What are YOU?
1:16:18 > 1:16:21- It ees my room!- It is MY room!
1:16:21 > 1:16:24- So? But- I- have the key!
1:16:24 > 1:16:27So? But I have the key!
1:16:27 > 1:16:33- I- am Beddini! - You got me there, pal.
1:16:33 > 1:16:36We will see who owns thees room!
1:16:52 > 1:16:56You shouldn't be in here. It isn't cricket.
1:16:56 > 1:16:58It isn't tiddlywinks, either.
1:17:05 > 1:17:11There ees a man in my bed! Un uomo? Ma certo!
1:17:13 > 1:17:19- He isn't here yet. I'll just wait for my uncle here.- Grazie, signore.
1:17:19 > 1:17:23- I didn't know you had an uncle! - Didn't you?- No!
1:17:23 > 1:17:28Well, I haven't. But this room is just above the bridal suite.
1:17:31 > 1:17:36He ees not here. If he returns, call us. I will keel him!
1:17:36 > 1:17:42Beddini motto: for the woman, the kiss, for the man, the sword.
1:17:42 > 1:17:44Ma, prego, signore...
1:17:44 > 1:17:47Ma bisogna fare qualche cosa!
1:18:05 > 1:18:10# Alberto, you are a fine fellow!
1:18:10 > 1:18:15# Albe-eee-erto Beddini!
1:18:15 > 1:18:19# I'm so glad you're not skinny! #
1:18:25 > 1:18:28Oh, Dale! You are lovely!
1:18:28 > 1:18:33- Like a flower I am afraid to crush! - Don't be afraid.
1:18:33 > 1:18:37FRENETIC TAP-DANCING
1:18:41 > 1:18:45- Make him stop! - Who is it? Do you know?
1:18:45 > 1:18:53- Yes, it's Horace.- Horace Hardwick, that interlopper! I'll stop HEEM!!
1:18:59 > 1:19:02For the man, the sword!
1:19:13 > 1:19:15Mrs Hardwick!
1:19:23 > 1:19:27- (He's coming!- Oh. - You keep this up.- Right.)
1:19:40 > 1:19:44Madge, come and rescue Horace from Alberto!
1:19:56 > 1:19:58Salute!
1:19:58 > 1:20:00Why, yes... Of course.
1:20:10 > 1:20:15- I have to see you. - Will you please stop annoying me?
1:20:15 > 1:20:20- But you've been mistaken about me. - No, I haven't.
1:20:20 > 1:20:28- Then I'll stay here and there'll be a scene with your husband.- He'll be furious if he finds you here!
1:20:28 > 1:20:33Then please come with me for a minute. I must talk to you.
1:20:34 > 1:20:41- So you see I am the wrong person. - But you are Horace Hardwick? - Of course!
1:20:41 > 1:20:45Then you are not the wrong person! Prepare!
1:20:51 > 1:20:56- I've come to see the fun!- Tell him he's making a serious mistake!
1:20:56 > 1:21:01It may be a mistake, but it's not serious. Go right ahead, Alberto.
1:21:01 > 1:21:04No, I cannot kill him before a lady.
1:21:04 > 1:21:11Maybe it's best you don't kill him. I may want that pleasure myself some day.
1:21:14 > 1:21:22- But why didn't you tell me who you were?- After all, I mean, you never gave me much of a chance.
1:21:28 > 1:21:31Mr Travers! Mr Travers!
1:21:31 > 1:21:33Mr Travers! >
1:21:35 > 1:21:37Help, somebody!
1:21:37 > 1:21:40I really did not want to keel you.
1:21:40 > 1:21:44- You must forgeeve me. - I "forgeeve" you.- Oh!
1:21:46 > 1:21:49- Don't mind me! - Oh!
1:21:49 > 1:21:54Not tonight. Some other time. Thank you.
1:21:54 > 1:21:58- Pardon me, sir. - What is it?
1:21:58 > 1:22:02Mr Travers and Miss Tremont are drifting out to the bay.
1:22:02 > 1:22:07That'll teach you to accuse me! He's kidnapped her!
1:22:07 > 1:22:13Kidnapped her?! You are IN dis plot! You are cahooting with him!
1:22:13 > 1:22:16- I've had just about...- Children! >
1:22:16 > 1:22:19Should we not perhaps rescue them?
1:22:19 > 1:22:21Yes! Come on!
1:22:21 > 1:22:27- Isn't it marvellous to have brains? - Brrrh!- Be quiet! Do something!- Sir!
1:22:28 > 1:22:36- Jerry!- That isn't Jerry. You're making a fool of yourself. - There's no crime to look, is there?
1:22:36 > 1:22:39ENGINE IS SILENT
1:22:39 > 1:22:46- There is no gas left.- Oh, my word! I'll check the engine. Where is it?
1:22:46 > 1:22:48It may be hidden under the hood.
1:22:53 > 1:22:58This is the first time I've ever had to walk back from a boat ride.
1:23:00 > 1:23:06- Don't come. I'll talk to him alone. - He'll have to get used to me.
1:23:06 > 1:23:09Seriously, I'd rather you wouldn't.
1:23:09 > 1:23:14- When am I going to see you again? - ..I don't know.
1:23:18 > 1:23:22Mr Travers! They went to look for you, in a boat!
1:23:22 > 1:23:30- Mr Beddini, too?- Yes, all three. They won't be back this evening. We removed the gasoline.
1:23:30 > 1:23:34Oh, thank you, Bates! Thank you!
1:23:34 > 1:23:36DALE!!
1:23:44 > 1:23:48Lei e in arresto. What is it, my good man?
1:23:48 > 1:23:55Perche lei e vestito cosi? Oh, THESE? Yes... I'm masquerading.
1:23:57 > 1:23:59Masquerading.
1:24:00 > 1:24:05Don't you understand English? Inglese? No, signore.
1:24:05 > 1:24:09You DON'T understand English? Oh, well, well, well!
1:24:09 > 1:24:16I've been waiting for such an opportunity, you frozen-faced flat-foot!
1:24:16 > 1:24:22Grazie, signore. Grazie to you, you stultified shrimp!
1:24:22 > 1:24:25Grazie, signore.
1:24:26 > 1:24:32Can I help it if you look like a mildewed donkey? Grazie, signore.
1:24:32 > 1:24:37I'm adoring this! Grazie to you, since you insist.
1:24:37 > 1:24:45I happen to be breaking the law, but you will never know it, you fish-faced nincompoop!
1:24:45 > 1:24:48Grazie, signore. Good night!
1:24:48 > 1:24:50Un momento.
1:24:54 > 1:24:58I arrest you for masquerading as a gondolier.
1:24:58 > 1:25:05I further charge you with insulting an officer with vile names.
1:25:06 > 1:25:09Grazie(!)
1:25:09 > 1:25:16MUSIC: "PICCOLINO"
1:25:16 > 1:25:20Signore, shall I serve now, or wait for the groom?
1:25:20 > 1:25:26- The groom won't be here tonight. - Very good.- Very good? It's perfect!
1:25:26 > 1:25:35- I still feel a little guilty about him.- Let's eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we have to face him!
1:25:35 > 1:25:39MUSIC SWELLS TO FULL VOLUME
1:26:43 > 1:26:48- #- By the Adriatic waters Venetian sons and daughters
1:26:48 > 1:26:52- #- Are strumming a new tune upon their guitars
1:26:55 > 1:26:59- #- It was written by a Latin A gondolier who sat in...
1:26:59 > 1:27:03- #- His home out in Brooklyn and gazed at the stars
1:27:04 > 1:27:10- #- He sent his melody across the sea to Italy
1:27:10 > 1:27:15- #- And we know they wrote some words to fit that catchy bit
1:27:15 > 1:27:20- #- And christened it the Piccolino
1:27:20 > 1:27:24- #- And we know it is the reason Why everyone this season
1:27:24 > 1:27:28- #- Is humming and strumming a melody
1:27:30 > 1:27:38- #- Come to the Casino and hear them play the Piccolino
1:27:39 > 1:27:47- #- Dance with your bambino to the strains of the catchy Piccolino
1:27:47 > 1:27:51- #- Drink your glass of vino
1:27:51 > 1:27:55- #- And when you've had your plate of scaloppino
1:27:55 > 1:28:00- #- Make them play the Piccolino, the catchy Piccolino
1:28:00 > 1:28:04- #- And dance to the strains of that new melody
1:28:06 > 1:28:08- #- The Piccolino!
1:28:13 > 1:28:18# By the Adriatic waters Venetian sons and daughters
1:28:18 > 1:28:23# Are strumming a new tune upon their guitars
1:28:23 > 1:28:29# Ah...! It was written by a Latin, A gondolier who sat in...
1:28:29 > 1:28:34# His home out in Brooklyn and gazed at the stars
1:28:34 > 1:28:40# He sent his melody across the sea to Italy
1:28:40 > 1:28:45# And we know they wrote the words to fit that catchy bit
1:28:45 > 1:28:49# And christened it the Piccolino
1:28:49 > 1:28:54# We know it is the reason Why everyone this season
1:28:54 > 1:28:58# Is strumming and humming a new melody
1:28:58 > 1:29:02# Ah-ah...! AH!!
1:29:02 > 1:29:05# Co-o-ome to the Casino
1:29:05 > 1:29:09# And hear them play the Piccolino!
1:29:09 > 1:29:12# Da-a-ance with your bambino
1:29:12 > 1:29:16# To the strains of the catchy Piccolino
1:29:16 > 1:29:20# Drink, drink your glass of vino!
1:29:20 > 1:29:25# And when you've had your plate of scaloppino
1:29:25 > 1:29:30# Make them play the Piccolino, the catchy Piccolino
1:29:30 > 1:29:36# And dance to the strains of that new melody...
1:29:36 > 1:29:39# The Piccolino! #
1:31:45 > 1:31:48"PICCOLINO" PLAYS FAINTLY IN BACKGROUND
1:31:50 > 1:31:51Atchoo!
1:31:56 > 1:32:04The hour of reckoning is at hand. Beddini ees about to settle his accounts... Atchoo!
1:32:08 > 1:32:10Skipper! Si, signora?
1:32:10 > 1:32:13Will you tell my husband we're here?
1:32:17 > 1:32:22He's the one with his mouth closed. Subito, signora!
1:32:22 > 1:32:26Signor, alzati! Alzati!
1:32:26 > 1:32:32- Alberto is as mad as a drunken toreador.- Where is he?- In the room.
1:32:32 > 1:32:39- Jerry, I'd take the first plane back to London, pronto!- Not until I've asked him for his wife's hand.
1:32:43 > 1:32:46- Mr Hardwick! > - What do you want?
1:32:46 > 1:32:52- I regret to report that your valet has been arrested.- Bates? Really?!
1:32:52 > 1:32:56- He would still be in jail, but I bailed him out.- No!
1:32:59 > 1:33:01< KNOCK
1:33:01 > 1:33:03Come in!
1:33:05 > 1:33:13So, at LAST the leetle birdies have come flying back to the rooster!
1:33:13 > 1:33:15Atchoo!
1:33:15 > 1:33:20Gesundheit! Mr Beddini, we want to explain this whole thing to you.
1:33:20 > 1:33:24I will not listen to excuses... not even the truth!
1:33:24 > 1:33:31I have the most amazing news! A few days ago, my invaluable man, Bates...
1:33:31 > 1:33:36- Allow me to tell them, sir! - QUIET!- >
1:33:36 > 1:33:39A few days ago, my invaluable...
1:33:39 > 1:33:45The needle has got stuck! You tell it, Bates. Thank you, madam.
1:33:48 > 1:33:52Miss Dale, Mr Hardwick thought you were dangerous...
1:33:52 > 1:33:59- And he asked me to follow you, lest you did something...dangerous. - Follow me?- Yes.
1:33:59 > 1:34:03I thought up many little disguises.
1:34:03 > 1:34:08This evening I met Mr Beddini and Miss Tremont,
1:34:08 > 1:34:15and fearing they might recognise me, I turned my collar around like THIS.
1:34:15 > 1:34:19And very cleverly, I became a clergyman.
1:34:20 > 1:34:24- You are the one who married us! - Yes!
1:34:24 > 1:34:29- Then we're NOT really married? - Precisely.
1:34:30 > 1:34:32Well, well, well!
1:34:32 > 1:34:38Mr Beddini, what are you doing in this young lady's room?!
1:34:42 > 1:34:45MUSIC: "PICCOLINO"
1:35:13 > 1:35:18Subtitles by Alison Loudon, BBC